#also Clark insane of you to just invite him as batman and not as bruce sdhshs

[the-sprog]

I think a Batman/DetCo crossover would be perfect especially in the context of how fucking insane Shinichi's parents are.

I was thinking and I realized they're a mix of the Drakes (neglectful in the "never being home" kinda way, rich but it doesn't seem like their child sees a lot of that money) and Bruce ("how'd you learn how to shoot a gun" "my father spent a summer with me in Hawaii to teach me" what an insane scene that was. Not to mention the "yeah. It's a good idea to traumatize our child via fake kidnapping to teach him a lesson about stranger danger :)" and "Shinichi, dear, I know you're 6yo but come investigate this suicide with me sweetie") but they're also above worse (willing to falsify police and government documents for son).

Would Bruce love the Kudos or hate them? On one hand, Yusako definitely has them figured out. He's kinda like Alfred that way.

The Kudos get invited to an event, something like an award ceremony or some kind of cinema festival. They decide to bring Conan as a decoy for Shinichi related questions (usually they'd just use school as an examination why he wasn't there but they've been saying Shinichi is traveling for a case nowadays and it wouldn't do well to contradict that).

Bruce is the one that organized whatever event this is. I wanted the Drakes alive but I also want Damien to meet Conan. So. Sorry Janet and Jack. I'm going full Batfam for this.

Clark Kent is there, though he's technically a plus one. Cat is doing a piece for the event, specifically she wants to interview the Kudos, which is a feat as of late, and needed a last minute plus one (the Kudos are volatile and no one knew if they'd actually show up. When they did, Cat had to rush to get to Gotham before they decide they got bored and fucked off).

Of course, Cat immediately latches onto Conan's existence and assumes that he is why the Kudos have been out of the public eye. But not in the actual real way. She starts by asking general questions about them, their careers, and the event they're at at the moment.

And then she hits them with: "so. I see you've expanded the family. How does Shinichi feel about having a little brother?"

Which breaks just about everyone involved in the conversation.

Immediately Yukiko goes into actress gear. "Oh no he's- this is Conan, Conan Edogawa. He's our nephew. He's been staying with a friend of ours in Japan, but we thought he'd like coming back to the States for a bit!" All while smiling. Meanwhile Conan goes through all the stages of grief and is already building up the script for when he's gonna have to kiss ass to Ai for ending up in the Daily Planet.

Yusako senses this and tries to mitigate the situation a bit. "I'd appreciate if you didn't put him in your article. He's just a kid. And the focus is supposed to be on the event and our achievements, not a gossip piece about our private life"

But then Clark speaks up. Unfortunately he's been listening to the conversation and keeping track of everyone's reactions to everything. And he has a good memory. He has also listened to enough rants from Batman about the KID Thief to know more details than the average person.

"Aren't you the KID killer?" Everyone blanches. "I mean, that child from the KID Thief heists?"

"Uhm..." Conan is stumped. He's really bad at this. Of all the things his parents did, they never left him to deal with the vultures alone. But that also means that in his entire High School Detective career he had more of a "avoid at all costs" kinda mentality when it came to talking to the press directly. Sure they've made articles about him, but he's never met anyone interview him directly.

But again, Yukiko to the rescue. "I think that's enough. I hope you can respect our wishes." She puts her hands on Conan's shoulders as she redirects him away from them.

Clark is a little worried, a little suspicious. But he stops Cat from following them by reiterating that he's a kid and the Planet is not a tabloid newspaper.

Of course pt2, things go as things go when Conan is around a respectable amount of people and someone dies. Immediately Conan is on high alert, but so is Bruce who's worried about how someone could've managed to successfully commit a murder under his nose.

So, the investigation begins. On technically 4 sides. Yusako is doing his own detective work, but he's staying on the sidelines and letting the others be at the center of it all. Conan's special interest has been activated so he's in full inspection mode and putting himself in everyone's business. Bruce immediately contacts Commissioner Gordon, and starts distracting the people at the event while sussing out anyone who might have had a motive and/or opportunity. Clark has engaged his investigative journalism side and is already gathering evidence.

Meanwhile Damien is trying to convince Bruce to let him threaten people with unimaginable violence to make them comply and confess. But then he gets distracted by Conan and starts trying to babysit him but in a "I'm better than you tsk you're so immature" kinda way. Keeping him out of the way by yelling at him and dragging him away physically. Conan is not deterred.

All in all, it's a regular day for Conan, a particularly interesting day for the Kudos, a surprisingly weird day for Bruce, and a very annoying day for Damien.

[allgremlinart]

how am I supposed to read this in any way other than "Clark introducing his bf to his parents" ???

[thepeacetea]

Mistake of a Lifetime

I LIVE!!!!!!! Hey everyone! I don��t know what happened last month. It was like my brain shut down. It was the worst feeling ever. I just couldn’t write. Which was insanely frustrating. But I’m back and off of work for the next three week due to COVID-19. And since I’m not venturing into the outside world, hopefully I’ll be able to get more writing done!!! So thank you all for being patient with me. I honestly have absolutely no idea where this story came from, but enjoy my beauties. Warning, there is a tiny, little bit of swearing but nothing major. As always, if you have any questions or comments feel free to let me know. Anyway, hope ya’ll enjoy!!! Peace!!!

Damian was frustrated. He couldn’t find that girl anywhere. He knew when he explained what he had done what he did that she would understand. His angel always did. She loved him too much to stay mad at him for long. Once she learned why, Damian knew that she would come back. That’s one of the reasons he loved her, she was so trusting and forgiving. No matter what he did, he knew she would welcome him back with open arms. But right now, he was irritated with his girlfriend. She hadn’t been in contact with any of the family in five months. No one knew where she was. Tim couldn’t even find her. It was as if she just disappeared. Which is what led him here, to what was hopefully the door of his best friend’s apartment. If anyone would know where Marinette was, it would be Jon.

Finding the apartment had been a slightly more difficult then Damian had first thought. Jon wasn’t one for covering his civilian tracts, usually allowing anyone, if they so wished, to track him down. But he had been strangely quiet the past few months. Superboy had also been absent from the hero scene. When Damian had inquired as to why, no one could supply a straight answer. Jon had spoken to his parents every few weeks to assure them that he was fine, but other then that, no one knew much.

The search for apartments rented out to a Jonathan Samuel Kent had turned up blank, as did all the other alias that Damian could think his best friend might possibly use. It eventually arrived at the point that Damian had run his handwriting through the data base to find a match for a signature. Eight states and eleven empty apartments later, Damian Wayne found himself climbing the squeaking steps to the apartment located above a little Chinese restaurant in the middle of Chinatown, San Francisco.

‘Honestly Jon, the other places where far better off then this,’ Damian muttered as he knocked on the door. The sound of scuffling followed by multiple items falling sparked a flicker of hope from the Wayne heir. Though he would never tell Jon this, Damian had missed his idiot of a friend.

“Buy too much at the market again? M, I told you, just get what we need for dinner tonight and we’ll get the rest tomor . . .” Jon said opening the door, the laughter that was oh so evident in his voice died the moment he saw who was at his door.

Damian watched as a wave of emotions filtered across his friend’s face. Surprise, confusion, and doubt where all understandable, at least in Damian’s opinion, but when Jon’s face finally settled on a mixture of anger and disgust, Damian grew confused and slightly irritated. He had not come all this way nor spent all that time looking for him to be received like that. Not by Kent, not by anyone.

“What are you doing here, Wayne?”

Now that caught him off guard. Damian could not, for the life of him, remember a single moment when Jon had referred to him, or anyone, by their last name. Ever.

“Tt, came looking for you. No one’s seen so much as a flutter of your cape in five month. The last time anyone heard from you was your parents, six weeks ago.”

“Well, as you can see, I’m fine. Now if there’s nothing else . . .” Jon said, closing the door, causing Damian to bit back a growl. He did not come all this way to get a door shut in his face.

“Actually, there is,” Damian countered, forcing the door back open as Jon sent a chilling glare his way, nearly causing him to laugh. If Kent thought he could scare Damian, the only blood son of Bruce Wayne, the Batman, with that poor excuse of a glare, he was in for a nasty surprise. “I need to know if you’ve seen my girlfriend?”

Damian was expecting many things, but none of them was the utterly disgusted scoff that came from the dark-haired young man as his face twisted into a scowl.

“Yeah. Two weeks ago. On tv. At the Wayne Gala. You remember, she was hanging off your arm like one of those rich people’s lapdogs. You know, the really yappy ones.” He said, something sparking in his eyes, though Damian couldn’t quiet place it.

“Not the Italian she-devil, you idiot. I mean Marinette.” Damian strained, actively using more force to push the door open as Jon was closing it. The disbelieving laugh that left the young half-kryptonian surprised Damian.

“Mar is not your girlfriend anymore, Wayne. Remember? YOU broke up with her five months ago. And then YOU announced that you were dating that – that – Rossi girl the next day on national tv.”

“Look Kent, all I want to know is if you know where she is or not, because I need to talk with her.” Damian ground out as he began to lose what little leverage he had on the door. The half second hesitation and slight dilation of Jon’s eyes was all Damian need to know whatever came out of his friend’s mouth was a lie.

“No.”

“You were always a terrible liar Kent.” Damian stated. Taking advantage to the slight surprise, Damian force the door open, stepping inside before the other man could react.

The apartment itself was rather small, though Damian was use to having far more space then needed. The apartment was an open floor concept. The only thing separating the kitchen from the living room was a counter that extended from the wall, cutting the room in half. A worn couch was sitting in the middle of the main room with a small coffee table in front of it. A tv was pushed against the wall, a few open movie cases lay scattered across the stand with a gaming console tucked neatly underneath. A bookshelf was shoved into the far corner. A fallen stack of books lay by a beaded doorway that Damian could only assumed lead to a bedroom. A few pictures adorned the walls, though Jon drew Damian’s attention before he could get a chance to identify who was in them.

“What the heck do you think you’re doing? I didn’t invite you in! Get out!” Jon said, his voice raising an octave, jabbing his finger towards the door.

“And here I thought your mother taught you hospitality,” Damian countered, enjoying the growl his comment caused. “As for what I’m doing here, I already informed you why. I want to know where my angel is and I need you to tell me.”

“Never. Gonna. Happen! What makes you think you have any right to see her let alone call her ‘yours’?” Jon growled, actually growled, at Damian. Under any other circumstances, he would have been impressed that the cheerful, happy Kansas native sounded so . . . threatening in his questioning. But Damian was quickly reaching the end of his already short patience. Pinning the other man with a glare that would have made his father proud, Damian watched as the other subconsciously straightened to his full height.

“I’m bringing her back, where she belongs. The Rossi mission is over and I want my Angel back.”

For five seconds, Jon stood there, brows drawn together in confusion as his brain processed what was said. Five seconds where he could have been telling Damian where his girlfriend was, Jon just stood there.

“. . . what?”

“Lila Rossi held vital, insider information of a new program which my mother and Dr. Hugo Strange were developing. We needed the information, but more importantly, we needed Rossi to trust us. I, obviously, was the best candidate for the job. Father and the others helped plan and execute it. We have the information we need and the parties involved have been dealt with appropriately, including Rossi.”

“. . . all of this . . . everything . . . was for a mission?” Jon asked quietly, his voice calm as he bent his head, his bangs covering his eyes. Damian let a small smile slip. He knew Jon would understand, and once he told him where his angel was, she would too.

“Yes. Now I need to know where . . .” Damian began to say when the left side of his face erupted in pain as the sound of something breaking filled the air. Whether it was his jaw or the picture frames he landed against, he didn’t know. He didn’t have the time to figure out as he was hauled to his feet and slammed into the wall, his head smashing into an other picture. Once Damian’s vision cleared, confused emerald met rage filled electric blue.

“You mean to tell me, that everything, Every hatful word, Every cutting remark, Every. Single. Day! Marinette spent CRYING was for some GOD DAMN MISSION!?!” Jon yelled, pulling Damian closer as his eyes flashed back and forth between blue and red, and for the first time in a long time, Damian felt fear. “Do you have any idea how much you hurt her!?!”

“It was a sacrifice necessary for the completion of the mission. Once she knows that, she’ll understand!” Damian shouted, defending himself. Everyone who knew agreed. The action was necessary for the mission. Without it, the whole mission would have been unnecessarily complicated. Even Clark and Diana had agreed, so why couldn’t Jon?

“Sacrifice? Is that what you think this was?” Jon hissed, eyes steadily changing from blue to solid red. “You broke her!”

“I didn’t . . .” Damian started to say before he was slammed against the wall again, causing the remaining pictures to fall, glass breaking on impact.

“SHUT UP!!!” Jon screamed. If it was possible, Damian saw his eyes fill with more rage then he had ever seen in one person, Jason included. “You know nothing! You broke her Wayne. She trusted you! After everything that happened to her, after being abandoned by so many others, she trusted you and you broke her! She gave her heart to YOU! Marinette gave you everything, only for you to turn around and throw her away like trash!”

“Jon,” Damian tried to say, but Jon wasn’t done.

“Do you know how I found her? After I found out you not only broke up with her but then decided to date the person that made her life a living hell, I spent six, SIX, hours looking for her. I finally found her on the roof where we first met her. She was just sitting there, on the edge, looking over the city. When she finally looked at me, her face was completely blank. No trace of emotion. The only real sign of life was how red and swollen her eyes were from crying. Do you want to know the first thing she said to me? ‘He left me.’ ‘He LEFT me!’” Jon snarled. “You have no idea how hard it was to keep her going after that. What it was like seeing her like that. Do you know what its like seeing someone who’s so full of life to just wilt in front of you. To see them lose everything that made them who they are.” Jon asked, his voice dropping in grief as his grip on Damian shirt loosened.

“Jon, I know. I hurt her. I know. That’s why I need to talk to her. I know my angel. Once I tell her, once I explain, everything will be fine.”

“No, Wayne. I don’t think you do know her.” Jon said, completely letting go of him as if he couldn’t stand touching him. “I know Mar better then my own mind at this point. She is the most trusting and kindest person you will ever meet, but even she has her limits.” He hissed, turning his back on his once friend, running his hands through his hair in anger and frustration.

All Damian could do was stare at the person, who had for the longest time, been his only friend. Steadying himself against the wall, the young Wayne looked down. Trying to gather his thoughts. To think of something to say when one of the picture frames caught his eye. Gingerly picking it up, Damian found himself looking through shattered glass at what appeared to be an ultra-sound photo sitting beside one the soon to be mother. Barely legible through the broken glass was Jon’s handwriting, ‘Mama and baby at eight months.’ The photo was dated three days ago. Damian couldn’t stop staring. There, through the shattered glass, stood HIS angel, her belly swollen to the point where it looked ready to burst, smiling at the camera.

What Damian was seeing wasn’t making sense. Eight months pregnant. They had broken up five months ago. He knew she had never slept with another guy before. Her first time had been with him. Once. Three months before they broke up. Eight months ago. She was pregnant. She was eight months pregnant.

His mind flashed to the last time he had seen her. The day he had ‘broken up’ with her. She had an appointment the day. A doctor’s appointment. She hadn’t been feeling well for the last few weeks. She had wanted to tell him something after the appointment. She had sounded so excited over the phone. She promised she’d tell him over dinner but he had gone first, telling her they were over. She had looked so heartbroken. So devastated. She never got a chance to tell him her news

Suddenly, the frame was torn from his hands but the damage had been done. He knew. Lifting his eyes, Damian met Jon’s gaze. Utter shock met panicked anger. For a few moment’s neither spoke. Neither man knew what say or how to react.

“Jon, I’m so sorry I’m back late! I distracted chatting with Aunty Liu and Grandpa Zhao wanted to know how the baby’s doing and then Mama Zhang wanted to give me some tea that’s suppose to help with my back pain an . . .” The sweet, sweet voice of his angel broke through the apartment before abruptly cutting off.

Damian’s whole body twisted toward the door faster then he thought possible. There, standing in the doorway, was the most beautiful sight Damian had ever seen. His angel, dressed in a soft, baby blue shirt that proudly displayed her heavily pregnant belly and black pant, stood completely frozen as her eyes, her gorgeous blue eyes that he had missed so, so much, darted between the apartment and the two occupant.

Damian took a step forward, she instinctively took one back, panic blooming in her eyes.

“Beloved I . . .”

Damian never got father then that. As soon as he spoke, Marinette’s face drained of colour as she turned and bolted from the apartment as fast as a woman of her condition could. He raced to follow, to hold her and tell her everything would be alright. That he would take care of her and their child. Their child! The very thought of his child sent an unbelievable wave of joy coursing through him! He was going to be a father! Damian was going to spoil his angel, his beloved, rotten. They would need to have one of the manor rooms renovated into a nursery. He would need to have someone take over his patrol for the next few month, his child and soon-to-be wife would need him and . . .

Both Damian’s train of thought and path was halted by the very painful grip on his arm. Fully ready to bite Jon’s head off, Damian was silenced by the red tinted glare his friend was giving him. He immediately notice how tense Jon was. He looked like he was ready for a fight, one that the kryptonian knew he would win.

“No. You are not going after her. The last thing Mar needs is this kind of stress this far in the pregnancy.”

“But . . .”

“I said no Wayne! Mar almost lost the baby once already. I am not going to allow her to go through that again! She can’t go through that again. I can’t handle going through that again!” Jon hissed, dropping his hold on Damian’s arm as he made a beeline for the stairs.

“Jon!” Damian yelled, hoping against hope that he would change his mind. That was his girlfriend and his child, damn it. He needed to be with them.

“No, Damian! Just . . . just go. You’ve done enough.” Jon shouted as he disappeared down the stairs.

Jon’s last comment caused the young heir to pause. He had done enough? He hadn’t been given a chance to fix what he had done. How could he have done enough? Sure, he had messed up royally, but he wanted to fix it. Why wouldn’t Jon let him fix it?

Pushing those questions aside, Damian ran down the stair, praying that he would at least catch a glimpse of his beloved. But the scene that met him as he burst into the street somehow drove Jon’s parting words home. There, braced against the wall of the building across from him, was Marinette. She was curled up as tightly as she physically could be, her face buried in Jon’s shirt as she let out the most heart wrenching sobs. Damian’s body refused to move as he watched Jon gently rock the mother of his child. His body refused to move as he watched the other man stroked her hair, promising to never leave her, whispering soft words of comfort to her as he planted butterfly kisses on her head. That he would always be there. That no one was going to hurt her. That she was safe.

Seconds turned into minutes before he could summon the strength to do what Jon had said. Casting one last look at his angel, his Marinette, Damian knew that taking that mission, that leaving her, had been the worst mistake of his life.

[bigfan-fanfic]

Making Bad Look Good Part 2

A second part! Featuring... Two-Face, Deathstroke, Deadshot, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Mad Hatter, Hush, Zsasz, Klarion the Witch Boy, and the Court of Owls!

I got a ton of requests for these, and you’ve all been so helpful! This one’s for you!

Making Bad Look Good part 2 - a.k.a. another 6 Degrees of Evil Bacon

Warning: Long post ahead.

Two-Face - Harvey Dent

You met Two-Face back when he was District Attorney for Gotham.

He was no “Ce-SEAL-Your-Fate” Horton from Central City, but he was doing a bang-up job putting criminals behind bars, cracking their insanity pleas.

So you went to meet him after a case where he got the Penguin sentenced to Blackgate instead of Arkham.

Sure, he’ll probably escape, but the precedent the case sets is important.

“Mr. Wayne! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just came to meet our amazing new D.A.”

You make small talk, until you decide to ask him to lunch to congratulate him on the case.

He grins. “Okay. But we’ll flip a coin for the check. Heads, you pay. Tails, my treat.”

You shrug.

He flips a strange coin that he tells you is his lucky charm.

It comes up heads, on the side that looks like it’s been corroded.

You smirk. “That’s a double-headed coin, isn’t it?”

He laughs. “Yup. Most people don’t get it so quick.”

He shakes your hand and offers to pay anyway since you were such a good sport.

After he becomes Two-Face, it’s this moment you choose to remember...

Deathstroke and Deadshot - Slade Wilson and Floyd Lawton

There have been quite a few times when you were targeted by an assassin or two.

But that particular time, you were the prize for a competition between them.

Slade and Lawton had been hired to take you out, but only the actual killer would get the other half of the payment.

So one day, Deadshot is setting up the hit, angling a crazy shot to hit you through the back of the skull and bamboozle all ballistics tests. You come into range, and he shoots -

-only to see you get shoved out of the way by the eyepatch-ed Slade Wilson.

Bruce wants to sequester you in the Batcave, but instead, you tell him to set up a meeting as Batman.

It’s fun to throw money at problems.

On a rooftop, the Bat behind you, you offer Slade and Lawton double the total for your contract to give you the name of their employer and void the hit.

It’s technically against whatever assassin code there is, but you know, money tends to grease the wheels of any machine.

Deadshot takes the money and tells you it was some crackpot billionaire trying to get at Bruce. He also chuckles and says that he’s available if you ever have more money to throw and a grudge for him to carry out.

Deathstroke also takes the money and nods at you before leaving.

And while Slade comes back to torment you and your sons time and again, Floyd is actually quite pleasant. You sometimes hire him when you need security, which he calls easy money, and from that point, your husband almost never encounters him on the job...

Harley Quinn - Dr. Harleen Frances Quinzel

“Paging Dr. Quinzel. Dr. Quinzel, to the front desk.”

You and some other Gotham big shots were invited to Arkham for a publicity tour. Reporters are there, too, including Clark, so you feel pretty safe.

A surprisingly young woman comes to play tour guide, her hair in slight pigtails.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Quinzel. Currently I’m junior psychologist here at Arkham Asylum.” She has a bit of a New York accent, though you can tell she’s worked hard to soften it.

One reporter asks just how “junior” she is, and she gives an indulgent chuckle. “Yes, I graduated med school early, so I’m a bit young for a specialized doctor. But I’m also one of the only medical professionals still willing to work at Arkham, so I think that’s what counts, right?”

The tour goes well enough, until you raise your hand. “You’re the psychologist in charge of the Joker, right?”

Dr. Quinzel smiles in a strange way. “Yes, that I am.”

You frown. “And do you think, as a junior psychologist, you’re adequately prepared for him?”

“I know that I am a medical professional, Mr. Wayne, and I am certainly qualified to examine my patients.”

But Dr. Quinzel, just for a moment, looks fractured, torn. Like there’s some sort of internal war raging in her soul. But it gets absorbed in her too-wide smile.

You put it down to nerves about meeting the press, and let it go.

You always wonder if there was something you could’ve done for the woman, prevented it from all going wrong, prevented her from becoming Harley Quinn...

Poison Ivy - Dr. Pamela Isley

Pamela was going to college at about the same time you were. 

You weren’t friends, exactly, although you did both share a class in Professor Crane’s Intro Psych course (an elective for both of you).

There were a lot of rumors about her. You chose not to engage in the gossip, especially as it was a lot about her sleeping with her Biology professor for a better grade.

You had to do a project with her for your final grade, and she invited you to her apartment to work on it together.

It was full of plants. She mentions it before you have a chance to even think about bringing them up. 

“They’re my babies.” she jokes. “So much easier to take care of than pets.”

You smile. “All the oxygen probably helps you work better, right?”

She nods. “Yeah. Yeah, it does.”

She talks about how she’s going to be a botanist when she graduates, and she’s going to work for the EPA. She’s very self-interested, but genuine, and you have fun while working on the project.

But only a few weeks after you turn in the project, she disappears. Rumors abound about how she ran off with the Bio professor. Some say they were having an affair. Others are kinder and say they’re on a botanical conservation mission in some swamp somewhere.

Either way, you never see Pamela again.

At least, until Poison Ivy shows up in town...

(Side note: Drew Barrymore as Poison Ivy? Thoughts?)

Mr. Freeze - Dr. Victor Fries

Fries shows up one day out of nowhere

Just shooting with that cold gun.

He attacks a gala event for the Wayne Foundation and holds it up for jewelry and the cash being raised for the underprivileged of Gotham..

You glare at him. “You know you’re just taking money right out of the pocket of needy kids, right?”

“It’s for a good cause.” He says darkly.

“And what cause would that be?”

He sneers at you. “Disease research, mainly.”

The phrase surprises you.

Later, Bruce is doing research at the Batcave. “He goes by Mr. Freeze. Born: Victor Fries. Wife Nora suffers from Stage Four of a rare pneumonia-like condition known as MacGregor Syndrome. He had her cryogenically frozen, and now it seems like he’s turned to crime to fund his research into a cure.”

You hesitate. “Well... is there something we can do to help him?”

“Help him? May I remind you that he held hundreds of people hostage?”

“Well...” you shrug. “I just figure that maybe he wouldn’t be so... crime-y if his wife was being taken care of. I don’t know what I’d do if I was so close to losing you.”

Bruce softens slightly. “Look, Freeze committed a crime - several crimes, and he has to go to jail. But if it makes you feel better, we can have Wayne Enterprise’s medical division look into studying her disease. Judging from what I see here, MacGregor Syndrome has similarities with many other diseases. It might be a key in finding lots more cures.”

You smile and hug him. “Lead with that. Tell Fries that we’re willing to do that.”

Of course, Fries’ future crimes are due to the cost of maintaining his portable cryogenic suit, but you hear a lot less about it than you expect, especially since Nora is being taken care of...

Mad Hatter - Jervis Tetch

You were meeting a couple of old school friends at a tea parlor one day. It’s nice to escape the stress of your life and reminisce.

Roland and Alicia are a cute couple, and they tell you they have a baby on the way.

But the day is marred by a strange incident in which a small man in a top hat and tails (tuxedo tails) comes up to your table and starts babbling at Alicia, calling her “Alice” and trying to touch her blond hair, despite her attempts to shove him away..

Roland gets angry and punches the man, but before he can go any further, you pull him back.

The strange man glances at you. “The Dormouse...” he mutters, and walks away.

“What a creep.” Alicia shudders.

You’ve already figured it out. The man is deluded, thinking he’s the Mad Hatter, and he seems to be trying to fit everything into his Wonderland-inspired delusions. You tell Bruce about this, and he immediately agrees that Alicia is in danger.

You go to their hotel room to see them, warn them, but Roland answers the door wearing a bowler hat and Alicia is nowhere to be found.

Roland attacks you, knocking you out and kidnapping you.

Thankfully Bruce has been watching as Batman and follows.

You wake up tied to a chair around a tea table. Alicia is tied to another chair in an Alice-in-Wonderland costume, looking terrified. 

Jervis Tetch reveals himself and points out his minions, enslaved with his mind control headwear.

“Very spiffy, if I do say so myself.” you say cheerily. “Quite the milliner you are, my good sir.” (Alicia looks at you like you’re crazy)

Jervis loves the flattery, and it distracts him long enough for Batman to smash through the glass ceiling and knock the hat off his head, disabling the control.

Sure, no one was hurt much, but needless to say you would have to visit Alicia and Roland in the future instead of ever having them come to Gotham...

Hush - Dr. Tommy Elliot

“We’re having lunch with an old friend of mine.” Bruce announces.

You raise an eyebrow. “Wait a minute. Why don’t I know who this is? We have pretty much all the same old friends. I mean, we were together, like, all the time.”

“You remember Tommy, right?”

“Tommy? No, Tommy doesn’t ring a bell, hon.”

Bruce sighs, and you laugh. This is as animated as you’ve seen him in a while. “Come on, Tommy Elliot! Back when we were little! We used to play Robin Hood together in the park, and you two always fought over who got to be the Sheriff of Nottingham?”

“Yeah, nope. No memory of that.”

He sighs, but you go with him anyway. It hits you when you see the man at the restaurant. He was that kid! His parents were friends with Bruce’s parents. They had almost died in an accident when Bruce’s dad saved them.

He’d always try to play this strategy game thing with you and Bruce. It was only two players, and while he’d always beat Bruce (your husband wasn’t always the tactician he was now), he’d get really frustrated playing against you.

Tommy liked to try and get inside your head to beat you, figure out what you were going to do and then planning for it.

But you could tell what he was doing, and kept doing random moves you wouldn’t normally play, throwing him off and winning.

You didn’t like him much, and you kinda got the feeling he didn’t like Bruce that much either.

“Oh. That Tommy.”

Bruce looks at your worried face. “What’s wrong? If you really don’t want to, we can cancel.”

“Oh, hush. We’re already here. Least we can do is have a nice lunch...”

Zsasz - Victor Zsasz

It’s never a good sign when a payphone rings. So many bad reasons...

Not the least of which is that barely anyone even uses payphones anymore.

Let alone to call another payphone. I mean, how does that even work?

So it startles you when you’re walking Gotham (during the day, of course), and a payphone rings. No one else is around to answer it. 

You start to walk away, and then the next payphone rings when you reach it.

The other guy near it jumps like fifty feet in the air, but then goes to answer it.

He looks scared. “It’s... it’s for you.”

You sigh and take the phone

“Ignoring my calls? Naughty...”

“Um... wrong number. This is a payphone, not, uh, whoever you were calling.”

“This isn’t Y/N Wayne?”

“Yeah, no, it isn’t. May I ask who’s calling, though?”

“I know it’s you, Y/N. You don’t know me. Yet.”

“Look, I know Halloween’s coming up, but I’m not in the mood for Scream right now, okay?”

“This isn’t a scary movie, it’s real. My name is Zsasz.”

“Z- zsa... okay, how is that spelled?”

“Z. S. A. S. Z.”

“Oh, that’s beautiful. If you don’t mind me asking, is that Polish?”

“...What?”

“Sorry, I have to run, but it was nice talking to you!”

You run home and immediately tell Bruce you talked to Zsasz. Luckily you were running a trace with your phone - a little extra Tim developed for you. Within the hour, Batman has Zsasz in custody, saving the poor people he had kidnapped to add to his tally...

Klarion the Witch Boy

“Oh, hello! Who are you, little guy?”

The orange tabby glares at you with utter hate. It flicks its tail, but surprisingly, comes closer and curls around your legs.

It allows you to pick it up, and it purrs.

“Teekl! My word!” a boy comes running up to you, wearing a tailored suit and a newsboy cap. 

The boy snatches the tabby from you and pets it, despite how it looks like it wants to go back to you. “What were you doing with Teekl?”

“That’s its name? He’s a cute little guy. Uh, he just wandered in front of me and basically asked me to pet him.”

The boy glares at the cat. “You TALKED to him?”

The cat looks at him and rolls its eyes.

“Um, who are you, kid?”

He looks at you incredulously. “Seriously, mortal? You haven’t heard of me? I am Klarion! Klarion the Witch Boy! And this is my familiar, Teekl.”

You nod seriously. “Good for you, kid.”

He seems about to throw a tantrum, so you wave and leave the boy dumbfounded...

The Court of Owls

“Beware the Court of Owls, that watches all the time,

Ruling Gotham from a shadowed perch, behind granite and lime.

They watch you at your hearth, they watch you in your bed,

Speak not a whispered word of them

Or they’ll send the Talon for your head...”

“That’s a stupid poem. It doesn’t even keep time.”

“It’s free verse.”

“Yeah, free ‘cause no one would pay for it.”

You and Bruce were only kids when you heard the old rhyme. Bruce was trying to scare you as a Halloween season joke, but it wasn’t working.

“Come on, Y/N! At least pretend to play along!”

Thomas Wayne enters the living room, and pretends to scold Bruce. “Now, Bruce, be hospitable to your guest. What’s the argument about?”

You smirk. “Bruce says that there’s a Court of Owls who eat limes and put talons on people’s heads.”

Thomas hunches down, making a spooky face. “Well, Y/N, it’s an old Gotham story. It’s a very bad thing that Bruce told you. You’ll have to be very careful now.”

He looks dead serious, and now you’re scared. “Really? What should I do, Mr. Wayne?”

He puts a hand on your shoulder. “You’ll have to be a very good kid all your life, Y/N. Never go out after dark without your parents’ permission. Don’t ever cheat on a test. Don’t lie. And if you ever see someone in an Owl mask, look the other way and forget you saw it.”

He grins, dropping the facade. “I’m sorry, Y/N, I just couldn’t help it. Hope I didn’t scare you too badly.”

Being a stubborn child, you insist he didn’t. After all, you’re old enough not to be scared by that stuff anymore.

But on the way home, after your parents pick you up, you notice something.

A tall figure in an alley, wearing a stylized white Owl mask.

You quickly look away, trying to put it out of your head, mumbling the rhyme to yourself.

“Beware the Court of Owls...”

You forget about this until far later in life, after you, as Y/N Wayne, have become an enemy of the dreaded Court...

[redrobin-detective]

Street Kids Do it Best

“I had a fight with B, needed to get out, let me crash with you for a few days,” Jason shrugged, hiking his backpack high on his shoulder. Billy Batson blinked and then decided it was totally worth it to die by Batman’s hand in order to spend time with his best friend.

Now edited and up on AO3

The sound of knocking at his door instantly awakened Billy and sent him into panic mode. He was an incredibly light sleeper and had trained himself to wake up when anyone walked by the hallway outside his door. The fact that someone was able to get all the way to his door to knock meant he was dealing with someone who knew how to move without being noticed. None of the people he hung with in the city knew where he lives and, even if they did, they wouldn’t be stopping by at just past 4 am. He supposed Toyman or Monsieur Mallah wouldn’t waste time knocking but tell that to his paranoia? He grabbed a baseball bat he’d found at the dump and held it at the ready in front of the door.

“Who’s there?” He demanded in his deepest voice, trying to channel Batman as best he could.

“It’s Goldi-fucking-locks, now let me in dipshit,” Billy relaxed instantly, lowering the bat and opening the door to reveal Jason Todd, his best friend and also the latest Robin. He looks almost bored with Billy’s attempt at defense but when you live with Batman, everyone else kind of pales in comparison.

“Jay, jeez you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing here anyway, B didn’t tell me about any uh work stuff,” Billy added, holding the door open for Jay to come in. He noted immediately that Jason was on edge; his eyes wouldn’t stop casing Billy’s one room, broken down apartment and his free hand was twitching against his thigh. The other hand was tightly wrapped around the strap of an overfilled backpack. Billy has a bad feeling about this.

“I had a fight with B, needed to get out, let me crash with you for a few days,” Jason shrugged, hiking his backpack high on his shoulder as if he hadn’t asked Billy to hide him from the World’s Greatest Detective and probably the World’s Most Paranoid Over-Protective Father. Of course that wasn’t the real issue here.

“A fight? What was it about?” Jay’s frown deepened at the question so Billy diverted. “Please tell me you at least told someone where you were going. Batman’ll rip my arms out if he found out I kidnapped his sidekick, how’d you even get here?”

“Drove my bike to Bludhaven and used one of the Zetas there to get here, made a couple of other stops to throw off the trail.” Jay said clinically, dumping his bag on the floor and flopping onto the bed, making himself comfortable on Billy’s pillow. “And I’m not a total moron, I told Alfie. He saw I needed to blow off some steam, said he’d keep the Bat off my back for a day or two but don’t worry, I’ll be out of your hair by then.”  

This is way too much for Billy to comprehend at 4 in the morning so he joined his friend on the bed and rubbed at his eyes. He’s seen Clark do this when dealing with Batman and some of the Titans with Nightwing so he guess it was just a Bat thing.

“Let me get this straight,” Billy drawled, “you decided you wanted to leave your fancy mansion in order to slum it with me for a few days, practically inviting the goddamn Batman to wring my neck, because you’re in a pissing contest with him?”

“Pretty much but I brought food, the good shit and B will never know I was here,” Jay countered. Unlikely but whatever, he’s too tired to think about this right now.

“Fine, but the sun’s not even up and Captain Marvel had a busy day yesterday so I’m going back to bed,” he dramatically rolled over on top of his friend, eliciting a squeak of protest. But he already gave Billy one heart attack tonight and was totally messing up his schedule which is probably why he was letting Billy use him as a giant heat pack.

“For what it’s worth Jay, it’s good to see you,” Billy murmurs into Jason’s chest.

“Shut the hell up and go to sleep, Batson,” Jay growled back but he didn’t protest the contact. Content, Billy let himself drift back to sleep still curled up in his friend’s side.

XxX

Billy woke for the second time that day considerably more comfortable than the first time. For one thing, he was warm which was unusual considering it was February and he didn’t remember his pillow being this soft… or breathing. He peeked open one eye and saw Jason watching him with a bored look.

“About goddamn time, I lost feeling in my arm hours ago, probably gonna have to chop it off now,” Jay said, pushing Billy off of him. Billy himself just shook his head to catch up, right, Jay stayed the night er morning, was gonna stay in Fawcett until Batman tracked them down and killed them both. Cool.

“You coulda moved me,” Billy yawned as Jason rolled out his arm.

“You looked like shit kid, you clearly needed the sleep. You gotta take better care of yourself or you won’t be doing anyone any good,” Jay sneered.

“You’re barely six months older than me,” Billy frowned but Jay got up and stretched anyway.

“Might as well be six years, I see how the Cap acts out in the field with all his ‘aw shucks’ charm. It’d be sickening if it wasn’t so goddamn genuine.”

“At least I’m wearing pants, Mr. ‘I like to feel the wind on my bare thighs,’” Jason turned and stared at Billy with an intense expression which Billy returned. It lasted a solid 30 seconds before Jay cracked and grinned at him. Billy returned the smile; this is why they were best friends.

“Alright fuck, way to hit below the utility belt,” Jay said, still smiling slightly as he ruffled his wiry, slightly curled hair and looked out the dirty window. Now that he’s more awake, Billy saw Jay is wearing a sweat stained t-shirt and tight black work out pants which he wore under his costume when it was cold out. Did he come straight from patrol? Jay got pissed at Bruce all the time but he’d never shown up at Billy’s doorstep with a packed bag before. This might take more than a few days separation to heal but there’d be time for that later.

“How about some breakfast, there’s a shop up the street that sells uneaten food off plates for 1/3 the price,” Billy chirped.

“I’m not making you spend your meager savings in addition to putting up with me,” Jay rolled his eyes, his Gotham accent coming out especially thick as he grabbed for his bag and pulled out a Tupperware. “I told you I brought the good shit, Alfie made those obnoxiously sweet fruit crepes you like.”

“Please tell Alfred I would die for him,” Billy responded automatically as his mouth watered.

“Me too man but I won’t pass that one, he’d just get all sad,” Jay smirked and conversation kind of died off as they attacked the lukewarm crepes with mismatched forks. It tasted heavenly and Billy closed his eyes, letting him enjoy the sensation of eating amazing food prepared just for him. Jay could have had these baked in front of him, fresh and warm with a glass of sparkling water or whatever rich people drank. He chewed thoughtfully, looking at Jason through his bangs. He’ll open up eventually, Jay was terrible at hiding things that upset him and Billy could be patient and wait until he was ready to talk. That’s why they worked so well together.

“Alright, what’s the plan, Bill?” Jason asked, wiping off some blueberry from his face with his arm. Jason was the only person who called him Bill; he said Billy was too childish for someone who could punch out Superman. Billy liked his name but he couldn’t deny a thrill of pleasure at having a special nickname from his best friend.

“Um I didn’t really have anything to do today so why don’t I show you around Fawcett,” Billy shrugged.

“Yeah but like show me the real deal,” Jason stressed. “I don’t want to see the clean tourist shit, I want to see what you deal with every day. Wanna make sure you’re taking care of yourself out here plus I gotta prove that I still got the stones after almost a year living the high life.”

“Uh okay,” Billy said, quirking an eyebrow. It was weird but considering that it was Jason, it could have been way worse. “Let me get dressed and we’ll head out.”

Their day ended up being pretty uneventful. True to his request, Billy dragged Jay along to his usual haunts: the diner where they let Billy sit even when he didn’t buy anything, the nice ladies on the street corner selling their wares, the library where Billy tried to catch up on his studies, the homeless shelters where Cap went for information and Billy got food if he really needed it. Jason acted his usual self: sizing up everyone they saw and spoke to, asserting himself to anyone who even thought about hassling them. One older teen looked like he was gonna go for Jason’s bag when Jay flipped out a big-ass switchblade Billy knew the Big Bat didn’t authorize. Billy is a notorious pacifist in their little community; he knows going to have a lot to answer for being seen with someone like Jason.

Jason bought them hot dogs with the frankly ridiculous amount of money he brought with him and they sat on a park bench and munched in silence.

“You got any work lined up tonight, you know, for the big guy?” Jay questioned through a mouthful of hot dog. Billy shook his head because his mouth was also full but he didn’t like talking with food in his mouth unlike some people. Honestly, which one of them lived in the fancy mansion again?

“Sweet so you and I can go out,” Jason grinned and Billy almost choked.

“Woah,” he wheezed, catching his breath. “Woah are you insane? I thought you were trying to keep a low profile? I can’t have Rob- you know who running around Fawcett, what would people say?”

“I didn’t say Cap and Robin would go out,” Jay whispered under his breath, still with that animated, half crazed look in his eyes. “I say you and me throw on some cheap masks and take out some baddies the old fashioned way, no powers, no fancy toys, just our fists.” And Jason’s grin is all fire and teeth and Billy can instantly see why Bruce took one look at this crazy kid before deciding to bring him home. What was he getting involved in, being friends with Bats?

XxX

“Jay, I don’t know about this,” Billy whispered, incredibly uncomfortable in his friend’s slightly too big work out pants while gripping his wooden bat. He went out fighting bad guys all the time, yeah, but unlike Robin he was used to being a 7 foot tall god, not a scared kid in borrowed clothes and an itchy domino mask.

“Don’t say my name,” Robin, and he was Robin right now no matter what he’s wearing, warned. He stood tall, weight perfectly balanced for ass-kicking, playfully spinning a piece of pipe they’d found lying around. Billy, meanwhile, felt terribly exposed and had literally no training in street fighting. He should have called Batman when he’d had the chance, too late now.

“What am I supposed to call you then?” Billy spat back but kept his voice down.

“Well try not to call me anything first off but I guess Rob works if you really need my attention, you can be Marv,” Jay grinned and Billy felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance. Normally that’d get at least a good-natured groan but he’s not exactly happy with his best bud right now. He was going to suggest, once again, that they head back to his place and do something notlikely to get them beat up and in trouble but Jay’s smile smoothed out into something serious. He held up a hand to be quiet and then stalked forward, not making a sound and clinging to the shadows like he belonged there. Billy watched him go with an incredulous expression, how the hell was he supposed to do that? He tried his best, creeping after Jay but he knew he was too loud and too noticeable compared to the other boy. This is why he was not the street rat chosen to be the new Robin.

“Hey ass-lickers!” He heard Jay say confidently, Billy stepped forward and found his friend confronting no less than 6 guys in ski-masks with a crowbar jammed under a window to pry it open. Amateurish compared to what Rob and Cap have dealt with but those adults were more than enough to do serious damage to a couple of street kids. Well to him anyway. “You’re about to have your butts handed to you.” Jason didn’t waste any more breath on the meat heads, immediately diving into the fray and unleashing some wicked martial arts on the criminals who sure as hell weren’t expecting it. Billy would almost feel bad for them if he wasn’t terrified and angry at the same time.

“You little shit,” one robber hissed, ducking away from Jason and speeding towards him. Billy planted his feet and swung his baseball bat with all his might into the man’s side. While he hunched over and wheezed, he brought the bat down again onto the back of his head and he went down like a lead balloon. His heart swelled with victory as he gave the bat a little spin. Not bad considering it was his first proper bad guy taken down as regular ole Billy. Of course, Robin has taken down all the others by the time Billy got the one. Jay finished tying up his goons and gave him a thumbs up.

“Way to go, Marv, felt good, didn’t it?”

“No,” Billy frowned as the brief high crashed down around him. He looked down at the groaning man at his feet then at the bat in his hands. It suddenly felt a lot heavier than it had earlier that morning. He wasn’t used to his fights being this, intimate. “This isn’t what being a hero supposed to feel like.”

“Yeah well it is for us mere mortals,” Jay sniped, “Don’t get on your high horse, Cap. You live on these streets; you know how ugly shit can get and sometimes you gotta get dirty to take care of it. Now come on, help me drag these suckers out to the sidewalk and we’ll keep going.” Billy pursed his lips and did what he was told but already his stomach was twisting with nerves.

Luckily it turned out to be a quiet night in Fawcett; they stopped one attempted mugging, kicked around a few drug dealers and returned a lost toy to local girl. Billy gave thanks to the Gods he knew exist but still wasn’t sure he believed in because he’s not sure he could have dealt with anything bigger tonight. They’re on a rooftop and it’s clear his partner wasn’t as relieved as he was by the peace. Jay had the same restless energy he’d had when he first arrived that morning. It took some convincing but Jason eventually, reluctantly, agreed to turn in for the night. He remained sullen all the way back to the apartment, changed into his nightclothes and fell into bed without saying a word. Billy did the same, he’d grown used to Jay’s mood swings and he knew sooner or later, the Boy Wonder would crack. He slipped underneath the covers next to Jason and watched his friend angrily rub at his eyes.

“Feel better?” He asked quietly.

“No,” Jay hissed, “fuck, no, I’m sorry Bill,” he covered his eyes with one arm. “I shouldn’t have made you go out like that. You ain’t like me, that’s not your scene. You’re better than that and I was annoyed enough to try and drag you down to my level.”

“There are no levels, one is better here. We’re both just dumb kids Jay, but I accept your apology anyway,” Billy said before letting a few moments pass. “What did you fight with Bruce about?”

“Fuck, I don’t want to talk about it,” Jason cursed before turning his back to Billy. Billy huffed sadly but decided he’d simply try again in the morning. He was just getting comfortable in bed when Jason spoke again, quietly this time. “B said he loved me for the first time.” Oh Jay, Billy thought fondly, Only you would get upset about that.

“Oh really?” He coaxed and Jason turned onto his back again, his arms crossed protectively across his chest. He rustled his legs under the scratchy blanket like an angry cricket before continuing.

“We’d just got back from patrol, cracked a big case we’d been working on for the past week. I said something that helped B figure it out so I was riding pretty high, y’know? Alfie made those lemon scones he knows I’m apeshit for and B ran his hand through my hair and said, well, said the L word.”

“That’s great, Jason,” Billy said warmly, genuinely meaning it. It’d been so long since anyone had said those words to him but he’s still happy for his friend. Jason is amazing and deserving of love and Billy is so glad he’s finally receiving it.

“I freaked out,” Jay huffed. “Got skittish, you know the way I do. Bats turned back into an awkward potato and said some things that set me off. I screamed some stuff at him that I uh really shouldn’t have. Real deep shit about him and Goldie���s fucked up relationship and how I’m just some weak attempt at replacing him. B started getting mad, I got even madder and I just left which doesn’t make things any better, I know, but I did anyway.” Jay sighed and scrubbed at his face.

“I came back ‘bout an hour later, all filled with apologies and overheard the big guy complaining to Alfred about how he just doesn’t get me, how it was never this hard with Dick. My head was still kind of fucked up so I wasn’t really thinking when I grabbed my Go bag and left again. Was halfway to the ‘Haven before I realized they’d flip if I just disappeared so I called the house and told Alfie I was visiting you and I’d be back in a few days. He at least seemed to understand me,” Jay grumbled the last part.

“To be fair, you’re kind of a mess Jason, not even Batman can be expected to figure you all out,” Billy teased lightly and was rewarded with a light chuckle.

“You know it, Big Bill.”

“I know this may seem kind of sudden but Bruce does love you,” Billy whispered, scooting a little closer. “It’s obvious every time he’s with you. He brings you up all the time in League meetings; he’s like stupidly proud of you.”

“I mean I guess I know but it’s just so weird,” Jay said, pulling up the blanket a bit. “I mean, I came to him with a suitcase full of problems and that’s not even factoring in all of B’s bullshit. I just don’t know how to deal with people actually, y’know, liking me. Plus we all know I don’t fit in there.”

“Jay…”

“Nah shut up it’s true. I’m not fucking Dick Grayson with his award winning smile and magnetic personality that just makes everyone better, made Batman better. Fuck, I guess,” Jay sighed heavily and curled in a little on himself. “I’m just afraid I’m gonna screw it all up. Bruce… he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and he’s out there doing honest to god good shit, as both Bruce and Batman. I just know I’m going to mess it up, mess him up. He’s too goddamn soft, if he really does love me, he can be hurt by me and I’d rather go back to the streets than drag one of the only good men I know down.”

“Jason,” Billy said, closing the distance between them and setting his head on Jay’s chest, wrapping his arms around his friend and listened to his fast beating heart. “I can’t speak for Batman but all I know is that we love you, warts and all and it would be a privilege to be hurt by you because that means we got to have you in our life.”

“Fuck man, no wonder that wizard guy gave you superpowers,” Jay mumbled in a watery voice. He brought a hand up and tightly gripped Billy’s and they cuddled like that for a long while, just feeling each other with all their faults out to bear because there was no one else to judge them for being less than the ideals they strived to be. It was so freeing just to be for a change and Billy relaxed into his friend’s absurdly warm body.

“You know the same goes for you, Bill,” Jay added on after a bit, sounding half asleep. “You got a lot of people who love you, including me, Alfie and B who know who you are under the cape. I want you to have your freedom but fuck man you deserve so much better than this shithole. You know you just need to say the word and B will have you in the Manor in a heartbeat. We could be brothers, much better than the awkward thing me and Dick got going on.”

“Thanks Jay,” Billy muttered. “I know you and Bruce mean well but Fawcett is my home and I’m happy here. I have my normal friends, my job as Captain Marvel, the League, you; I don’t need any more and besides,” he gently kicked Jay from underneath the covers. “We’re already kinda brothers; don’t need any papers to tell me what I already feel.”

“Christ you’re sappy,” Jason huffed but he sounded a lot better than he had earlier. “I’m going to sleep before you make me vomit with all that sweetness.”

“Night Jay,” Billy grinned but he suspected Jason was already asleep. He probably didn’t sleep much at all yesterday; Jay was someone who let issues keep him awake and as soon as they were solved was out like a light. He was kind of dumb that way but Billy loved him anyway. With Jason asleep, he took the time just to watch his friend. The way his whole face just completely relaxed, how many teeny tiny freckles he had all over his nose and cheeks and spotting down to his neck and collarbone, how long and thick his eyelashes were, highlighted by the moon.

Billy thinks he might have a little crush on his best friend, is it weird to think your bro is kinda attractive? The Wisdom of Solomon he has when he’s Cap tells him that it’s just Billy’s loneliness latching onto one the only true relationships he has with someone his own age and turning it into something more. Still, all that seemed so far away when he’s half on top on a boy who’s the most wonderful asshole he’s ever met. He decided to stop thinking about stuff he can’t figure out and let himself enjoy the moment, falling asleep himself, warm and with the undeniable knowledge that he is loved.

XxX

Billy was woken up by the sound of violent cursing. He bolted up out of bed for the second day in a row and turned to see Jay’s face twisted in a snarl as he held a note. He peeked over his friend’s shoulder and recognized Bruce’s neat handwriting, ‘Let me know when you’re on your way home.’ It was folded with Jason’s name written on the front, obviously left near Jay’s portion of the bed for when he woke up. Billy scrubbed at his eye, he probably should be more mad about Batman breaking into his place but he’s growing desensitized to the level of bullshit that comes with Bats. He and the others should form a support group.

“I thought Alfred would hold him off longer,” Jason grumbled, throwing the note across the room.

“Probably just wanted to make sure you were where you said you’d be. I bet he was real worried when you didn’t come home,” Jason hummed, still annoyed but with a note of understanding in it. “You know, he didn’t make you go back with him. He’s trying to give you the space you asked for, you can stay as long as you need to.”

“Nah,” Jason breathed out. “I can’t keep sponging on you and I need to own up to the things I did and said the other night. I’ll treat you to breakfast then head out.”

“If you insist,” Billy said, stretching out his limbs. “But seriously Jay, stop by anytime. It’s nice to see your dumb face outside of League business where we gotta act like a wise god-like adult and the perfect little sidekick. Just like, tell Batman where you’re going next time.”

“No promises Captain Lame-o,” Jay answered in a mocking tone with a little salute and Billy pushed him over. He loved having Jason Todd in his life. There weren’t many other kids his age who knew not only what it was like to be a superhero but also dealing with all the shit that comes with being out on your own at a young age. So yeah, one of these days Jay was going to talk him into something that got them into massive amounts of trouble and B’s totally gonna ream him for willingly hiding his son away from him. But it’s totally worth it to spend some time with his best friend

[blackbatpurplecat]

My Thoughts on Batman #14

By popular demand (which surprised me and now I feel honored <3 ), here’s a little review on the latest issue of the current Batman run, #14: Rooftops Part 1.

What’s the story?

After the arc I Am Suicide, we are finally back in Gotham and follow BatCat through the city. Both are the main characters and apart from three speech bubbles of Clock King, even the only characters that speak and act in a fairly simple narrative.

The mood’s pretty melancholic; Batman reveals that Catwoman’s death penalty has been revoked by the President, thanks to Amanda Waller. Even though we’ve never seen or heard of any evidence against Selina. All we have is her claiming to have killed almost 300 men and that’s apparently enough for a death sentence... Yeah. Sure. Ugh. Now Catwoman needs to go to Blackgate, I assume for theft, and Batman has to take her in that same night. You can feel the tearful goodbye hanging above them and their mutual feelings for each other don’t make it any easier. It’s simply what we’ve seen over and over: Batman is struggling with two sides. He knows what’s right (arrest the criminal) and he knows what he wants to do (let the woman he loves go free), and those two things cancel each other out. We know he will always pick the side of the law but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt less.

Catwoman, also saddened by the turn of events, pretty much accepts her faith though. She knows what’s coming for her and tries to lighten the mood a little bit by making suggestive comments and initiating a lovely make out session beneath the stars. She states that she wants one more night, living and enjoying her freedom. 

They again bring up the mass murder committed by her. Bruce doesn’t believe that Selina killed almost 300 people and wants to prove her innocence, yet he doesn’t know how. Selina repeats that she did kill those guys and promises to give him the truth if he takes her to Blackgate in the morning instead of right then and there. While Bruce states he knows she’ll try to flee, Selina replies she knows he will come after her.

So since they’ve come to some kind of an understanding, Selina very obviously suggests making the monster with two backs to say goodbye. Well OF COURSE! A farewell fuck! Since we still have no idea why or for how long Selina has known Bruce’s identity, we don’t know if it’d be their first (and last) time or if they’ve done it before. If they’ve been having an on-off-relationship like over the last decades or only fucked like in The New52. We can take into account that we’ve seen Bruce talk fondly and intimately to her so it’s not only fucking. But since I don’t care for anything outside of this issue, I’ll go with my own assumption and say “first time.” Bitter-sweet would be an understatement.

But, alas, the Bat signal pops up in the sky and dutiful Batman reacts just like we’d ALL expect him to react - work now, have fun later! But this time, he invites Catwoman to come along.

We jump to a clocktower where Batman faces Clock King who rambles on like a Bond villain and gets knocked out by Catwoman who swings in from behind. Is their work done, can they finally bang? The Bat signal in the sky says NOPE! So they go from villain to villain, Batman kicks the shit out of a various number of Rogues, Catwoman stays in the background and asks if that’s how he spends all of his nights.

Eventually, Catwoman grows tired and frustrated with him constantly postponing their boning and finally wants to do what she wants to do - breaking & entering! And Batsy comes along. Reluctantly.

They break into an apartment where Bruce sees a stolen cat figurine floating in the middle of the room. “It’s hanging by a thread, too thin to see” - God knows why. Selina simply grabs the cat and tells Bruce to run. They jump out of the window before the apartment explodes. Oh, and the apartment also belongs to Selina who had rented it under the name Holly Robinson. Ehm... okay...? Dunno what to do with that info. But another, more important thing: was that her alarm system in case another thief broke in and stole the cat? She would just... blow them up???!!! The thread is too thin, not even she can work around it so in order to take the cat, you HAVE to pull it down and trigger the explosion. This trap was set up with the intension to kill! What the fuck, Selina?!

BatCat watch the burning building from a rooftop far away and we learn that Selina owns the floors above and below the apartment and the sprinklers are awesome and everyone there is safe - again WHAT THE FUCK??? NO! This is fucking dumb! And Selina’s apparently so damn rich that she can rent 3 whole floors high in a skyscraper in the middle of the city?! WHAT?! And after revealing that load of info, she shows us that there are diamonds inside the cat figurine, kind of like a piggy bank for bad times.

She wants Bruce to have the diamonds and tells him to build dozens of orphanages after she’s gone. Sure. Because BRUCE FUCKING WAYNE needs financial support... Okay, let’s say the diamonds are a donation. Okay, I can buy that.

And to conclude this issue, Selina throws the tiny diamonds on the ground, takes her mask off, they start making out and FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY HAVE  S E X!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, what did I think of all this?

I really liked the art. Sure, it’s not the best art I’ve ever seen but it looks good and it’s definitely better than what Guillem March did in the Catwoman run. BatCat look like real people, no extreme poses or overdone, dramatic movements. There are some not so pretty angles here and there and on the first page, Batman’s face looks like covered in dirt but in general, the art is quite decent! Especially in the last panels where it matters the most!

The first two and the last two pages are wonderful. Buy the issue for those four pages, they are SO worth it! Everything inbetween is filler. The BatCat teamwork is way too short and while Batsy roughing up some C-List Rogues looked funny, it wasn’t engaging or anything. If it was meant to prove a point, I didn’t need it. I know that his duty will always come first. But I can try and interpret something into it if you want me to: Bruce kept pushing the expected sex back more and more, the Bat signal was the ultimate cockblock in this issue. But at the very end, the Bat signal shines above them while they’re going at it cowgirl style and Bruce does not shove her away to grab cowl and cape. Maybe it’s supposed to show us that for once, something or someone was more important than the Mission. And it would be incredibly rude to leave in mid-coitus.

The BatCat sex scene is like a kiss to my soul. I’ve been wanting some decent love scenes of my ship for so SO SOOO LOOONG!!! Lois and Clark got so many good ones, there are some of Bruce and the Demon Spawn, hell, there’s even a (granted, awful) sex scene between Batman and Black Canary! Why has it taken decades for DC to release a decent BatCat sex scene??? It’s what we freaking deserve!!! And I want every single BatCat shipper to see it!!! We’ve been denied something magical for too long, not only Batsy and Kitten were frustrated with this lack of sexy times.

And it’s even not creepy or rapey or anything, no! It’s very tastefully drawn, it’s sensual and lovely and just beautiful! They even drew Bruce’s scars all over his body, nice attention to detail. BUT fucking on hundreds of tiny diamonds CAN’T BE COMFORTABLE!!! Imagine rolling around naked on Legos! Not so sexy, heh??? What if you get one up the crack? They are sharp and can cut your ass skin open!

Now, apart from the nonsense I’ve already mentioned, like the booby trap, Selina’s financial situations, the weird laws Gotham operates in, and the mass murder bullcrap, there is one thing that I absolutely detest in this issue: the dialogues! Holy fucking shit! Has King ever in his life talked to another human being? Or heard people have conversations?! The dialogues are awful! This is Nocenti level of awfulness in my opinion. Imagine if Frank “I’m an insane sexist racist asshole” Miller and Nocenti had a hate child and that hate child was writing dialogues. THAT is what King produces in this issue! He even recycles big chunks of those terrible lines! And don’t get me started on the fact that BatCat STILL call each other “Bat” and “Cat”. Ugh, that’s so fucking dumb. My God, honestly, try to skip the dialogues, guys. It’s what I had mentioned before; King tries to sound so deep and clever while he delivers a pile of bullshit.

Will I go back to this issue in the future? HELL YEAH!!! I would print the sex panels out and frame them and put them on my walls!!! The art thankfully saved the issue from becoming another generic DC fart. They could have easily screwed up the emotional scenes between BatCat but artist Mitch Gerads did a great job with the facial expressions, the close-ups, and the angles. You (thankfully) don’t need the bad lines to understand what’s happening between our leads. Just look at their faces and you’ll feel what they feel.

And I am SO thankful that we FUCKING FINALLY got a beautiful BatCat love scene! I hope there are many more to come in the future!

Part 2 got the teaser “The final farewell?” - I hope we will finally find out what the deal is with that stupid as fuck mass murder plot. It annoys the hell out of me that King keeps going back and forth “yes, she did it”, “no, she didn’t”, “but she clearly states she did it”, “but he doesn’t believe it”, “but she says it” etc etc. It doesn’t make the plot more exciting or interesting but frustrating and boring. Just like the “will-they-won’t-they” DC have been doing with BatCat for decades now.

The way they’re handling it at the moment, the next issue will probably reveal the biggest twist *gasp* that she did not kill almost 300 people! She only claimed it and willingly went to Arkham and wanted to be sentenced and put to death because................. ?????????????? And then she will flee and lay low. And we will be without our beloved Kitten again. And that was important to the plot HOW?!?!?! Who needed it??? Ugh, King really isn’t the best writer.

Tl;dr Batman #14 is THE issue for BatCat shippers!!! Just marvel at the panels and don’t read the dialogues.