#also 2 of them are rich RICH. disgustingly so. makes you sick when you think about their wealth and it's NOT justified by their talent lmao

[sudokuplayer]

CRAZY HOW SOME CELEBS HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD AND THEY STILL END UP GETTING UGLY ASS VENEERS THE SIZE AND COLOR OF A BATHROOM TILE

[hopeless-starry-kingdom]

you broke me first | Peter Parker

Summary: You have to remind Peter it was his fault you were broken up

read part 1 and 2 here !

song: you broke me first by Tate McRae 

a/n: happy valentines day!! hope everyone’s day was good and here is the last part of this mini series :))))

Maybe you don't like talking too much about yourself

But you shoulda told me that your were thinking ‘bout someone else

“If you guys are going to make out can you at least do it somewhere else. I’m eating.” MJ put her book back to her eye level as you and Harry pulled away from each other. You blushed and Harry smirked before throwing an arm over your shoulder.

“C’mon, MJ. Don’t be such a cockblock.” You slapped Harry on his arm and he laughed. “If you want I can set you up with one of my friends.”

MJ put her book down and pretended to think about the offer. “A rich daddy’s boy with two functional brain cells, who’s also a fuckboy. I’ll pass” She smiled sarcastically at Harry and he chuckled.

“Have I ever mentioned I like your friends?” You giggled at him and shook your head. MJ flipped him off and you had to bite back your laugh.

“Stop patronizing her.” You tried to be stern but the smirk on Harry’s face paired with MJ lips twitching up didn’t help your case. “Yes madame.”

Or your phones been off for a couple months, so you’re callin’ me now

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours before turning back to eat his lunch. You smile was big as you stared at him but something caught your attention. From behind him you saw Peter, Gwen, and Ned walking. Gwen had her arm wrapped around Peter’s arm. Ned was talking to Gwen about something and Peter was already staring at you. You gave him a small smile and a head nod before turning back to your small group.

“Hey, did Mr. Harrington ever say when the essay was due?”

“I cant keep going. My brain is fried.” You groaned as you flopped down on MJ’s bed and rested your arms over your eyes to block the light from coming in.

“Yeah, i’m pretty burnt too. You hungry? I can order some pizza.”

“Please?” You begged and sat up as MJ was looking for the number on her phone your phone buzzed with a message. It was Harry.

Can you come over tomorrow? I wanna spend time with you <3

You bit your lip go hide to hide the smile that was threatening to come through. Harry was always so sweet with you. He had a cocky front that he showed everyone else, sometimes with you as well. But you knew deep down he was a teddy bear. Texts like this showed that. And even though Harry explained to you that his father never showed him love, and continues not to, he doesn’t see a reason not to show love.

But I ran out of every reason

“Hey, can you please stop sexting Harry? I’m trying to hang out with you.” A pillow collided with your face and you gasped.

“MJ! I’m not sexting Harry. He wants to know if I can hang out tomorrow. It’s sweet.” You quickly responded back to his text and told him you could.

“You two are disgustingly cute. It makes me sick. And tell him to stop hogging you, I feel like he’s always with you. Does he not know he has to share?” You threw your head back and laughed at her.

“So now i’m an object of sharing? Nice to know.” You laughed and soon MJ was joining in with you.

Took a while, I was in denial when I first heard

That you moved on quicker than I coulda ever, you know that hurt

“I’m happy for you, Y/N. I know the whole thing with Peter had you in a funk..” You looked down at your hands and nodded. You still thought about Peter often. Soley because you had him in some of your classes and you constantly saw him around school. But you never thought of him like you used to. You stopped loving the way his smile reached his eyes and lit up the whole room. You stopped loving his curls. You stopped loving his unconditional kindness.

It was over now, officially. You weren’t hurting anymore and it felt so amazing to say it. The storm had passed and had taken Peter Parker with it. You were happy now with Harry. So extremely happy. You didn’t actually think it was possible but after giving the relationship a chance, you couldn’t believe how happy you were with Harry.

You never wanted to depend your happiness on soley being in a relationship. You were better than that. But you were finding you were happy by yourself and with Harry. It was the best middle ground. You thought you had to depend on Peter or a relationship to be content. And it definitely wasn’t true.

“I’m just glad that it’s all over with. And Peter was an asshole to you.” You both laughed at her statement.

“Yeah, i’m glad it’s over too.” She smiled at you before tapping a button on her phone.

“Hi, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

Swear, for awhile, I would stare at my phone just to see your name

Gwen Stacy gasped as she read the note that fell out of her locker. It was the fourth one this week. And she couldn’t count how many she got over all. Apparently she was a dirty two-faced snake. She preached girl supporting girls but to everyone else she stole someone’s boyfriend which didn’t exactly sit right with the girls of the school. Gwen didn’t mean for it to happen and she tried explaining it to some of the girls in her art class but they just rolled their eyes at her.

“Another one? Let me see.” Peter grabbed the note and read over it before tearing to to shreds.

“Yes, another one Peter. In fact the fourth one this week. And maybe if i’m lucky i’ll get one tomorrow and see what else the girls have to say about me in the girls restroom. I can’t keep doing this Peter.” Gwen slammed her locker and held her head in her hands.

“Ok, well i’ll go talk to Mr. Harrington. Or even the principal. I’ll tell them that it’s been getting out of hand and—”

“No, Peter. That’s not what I mean. I mean I can’t do this. Us.” Gwen crossed her arms over her chest and refused to look at Peter because she knew if she did she’d melt.

“W-what? Gwen, what do mean?”

“Peter I cant keep living like this! People hate me all because you broke Y/N’s heart. And I can’t blame them either becuase you left her for me, you broke the poor girl. I’d hate me too.”

“They’ll get over it! It’s none of their buisness.” He reached over and tried to grab the girls hands but she instantly pulled away.

“Peter, I really like you. I do. But with college applications coming up and school’s scouting, I can’t risk letting this affect me getting into NYU. I don’t have the time for petty school drama.”

“Gwen, cmon. Please, I really like you too. I can figure something out.” He pleaded. He couldn’t let Gwen go, not after everything that happened with you.

“I’m sorry, Pete. I really am.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek before smiling sadly at him. She turned with her books in her hand and walked away.

Peter groaned and kicked the locker next to him. It created a dent and some people began to whisper and point. He sighed before walking to his first class.

‘Did you hear what happened????’

You furrowed yourself brows at MJ’s text. You quickly looked up and seen your teacher pointing to the board and explaining today’s lesson. You placed your phone in your lap as you typed back a response.

‘Hear what? Did Flash trip and fall into the trash again?’

You looked up again and pretended to take notes and waited for her to text back. Once you felt your phone buzz your eyes nearly bulged out of your head

‘No! Though that would make my day— Gwen broke up with Peter! Some junior over heard it from their locker and started to spread it. That’ll show him!’

You gulped as you put your phone away and stared ahead. Peter no longer had Gwen. Peter no longer had the girl he left you for. She ended it with him. You had a mix of emotions. For one you wanted to rub your relationship in his face. He left you for someone and now they broke up with him.

You couldn’t believe how much it back fired on him. You wanted to laugh in his face and call him a huge idiot. You wouldn’t ever dare think of leaving him. He got his karma.

But you also felt a little sad for him. Gwen broke up with him. You couldn’t imagine how upset and sad he was feeling. But you couldn’t shake the feeling of it being his fault. Becuase maybe it was.

The rest of the week was filled with gossip about Peter being dumped by Gwen. The girls said he deserved it but also thought it didn’t excuse Gwen either. She noticed she still got stared in the hall but the whispers stopped and so did the writing in the restroom. It was a start.

They scoffed at Peter and made sure to give him a dirty look. Peter wasn’t feeling too good either. He couldn’t belive he lost you and Gwen. Ned tried to reasure him that it wasn’t meant to be. All Peter did was smile and nod. And then he saw you smiling and laughing with Harry. Living your best life and he felt jealous and angry. Jealous and angry that you were happy without him. And jealous and angry that Harry was the one to kiss you and give you hugs from behind.

That should be me.

He hated himself for thinking that. He broke up with you. He left you. So why was he thinking about you like he had in the past? It dawned on him for the next few days that letting you go was a mistake. He didn’t actually like Gwen, he liked the idea of her. The popular, girl next door version of Gwen Stacy is what he liked. Sure, Gwen was funny and nice and smart but so were you. And much more in his opinion.

He was an idiot who let you go because he liked the idea of someone. He chose that over loving you.

“The blood drive took way longer than I thought.” You pressed your phone against your ear with your shoulder as you began to enter your locker combination.

“Well saving lives isn’t a two second process miss Y/L/N.” You rolled your eyes at Harry being sarcastic.

“I can’t believe your missing school to attend one of your dads meeting in the Upper East Side.” Harry chuckled and shrugged.

“What can I say? I’m a buisness man too.” Harry’s father glared at him as they walked in the halls of the conference room. He knew that was his way of telling Harry to get off the phone.

“Hey, babe. I have to go, the meetings starting soon. I’ll see you tomorrow. Stay safe.”

“Bye, Harry. See you.” You smiled as you hung up the phone and pocketed your phone. You were excused for two of your class periods and now had to be at your next one as the bell rang. You quickly grabbed the books you needed and slammed the locker shut. You gasped in surprise when you seen who was behind the locker.

“Peter? Um, what are you doing?” You looked around anxiously to see if any other students noticed you and the curly haired boy standing within a few feet of each other. They had.

“H-how are you?”

“I’m good? Do you need something? I have physics next and—”

“Your teacher will kill you if you’re late.” He chuckled as he nervously twiddled his fingers. You didn’t laugh though. “How-How’s being able to drive now? I bet it feels like you have a ton of freedom.”

“Peter, i’m sorry if this sounds rude but what do you want? You’ve made it pretty clear these past few months you don’t want anything to do with me. So what do you need? Is this about you being you-know-who?” You whispered the last part to make sure no one heard. “I promise I won’t tell Harry or anyone else.”

“No! It’s not that it’s... Okay I know this might sound so crazy and insane but please, just hear me out.” He had his puppy dog eyes on and you couldn’t ever resist them. What was a few minutes?

“You have like two minutes before I have to go.” You glanced at your phone for the time.

“Okay, sweet. First off I want to say how sorry I am for the way I treated you, Y/N. It was so shitty and I just tossed you to the side. I will never be able to forgive myself for that but I was hoping... maybe you can?”

You smiled at the boy once you realized what he was doing. He was giving you a formal apology. Though it was long over due you knew you couldn’t hold a grudge against him. You just weren’t that person. And you were finally over Peter. It was all working out.

“Of course, I can forgive you, Peter. Thank you for apologizing. It does mean a lot. Well i’ll see you around?” Peter’s brows furrowed before quickly shaking his head.

“Wait that’s not all.” Your looked at him quizzically and urged him to continue. “I was wondering I-if you’d like to give us, me and you, another try. At dating, of course.” He smiled at you and suddenly you were no longer smiling. You took a step back as you stared at him in disbelief.

How dare he? How dare he break your heart and then come running back to you the moment Gwen breaks up with him. You were his second choice and that hurt. And to top it off, you were with Harry, happily.

“How dare you, Peter Parker?” Peter gulped as he recognized the anger and disappointment in your tone.

“Becuase shit isn’t going your way, you think this is okay?” You voice was now raised and now suddenly everyone in the hall turned to face you two.

“Y/N, please. Just let me explain—”

“Now suddenly you’re asking for me back? Could you tell me where’d you get the nerve?” You spit and Peter didn’t think he’d ever seen you so mad.

“I made a huge mistake. I miss you. I miss us.” He tried pleading but you scoffed

“You can say you miss all that we had but I don’t really care how bad you’re hurting, Peter. Not when you broke me first.”

There were tears in your eyes and your heart was heavy. How could he do this to you? You were over him now and then he comes and pull this stunt. You were also very angry.

“Y/N, please. I—”

“I don’t want to heart it, Parker! Leave me alone! I mean it, Peter. Don’t talk to me anymore, don’t look at me in the halls or in our classes. Don’t even think about me. It’s over Peter. Find your dignity while you’re at it.” You spat and purposely pushed his shoulder roughly with yours.

You tried to ignore the whispers as you started to speed walk to the nearest restroom, your class long forgotten.

You tried to hold in your sob as your thoughts began to eat you alive. But you couldn’t hold back as it pried its way to the surface. You didn’t care about if the floor was dirty as you slid down to hug your knees. All you could think was screw Peter Parker. This wasn’t the Peter you knew. Peter would never publicly humiliate you and turn you into a joke. But he did.

What did you think would happen?

I’ll never let you have it

What did you think would happen?

You had to remind yourself that he in fact did do those things. You were a game to Peter, it seemed. His second choice. And it hurt, you hate to admit that it hurt.

“Y/N.” MJ walked into the bathroom and sighed when she saw you on the floor.

“I-Is the whole sch-school talking ab-about me?” You hiccuped and she placed a hand on your knee and gently rubbed her hand back and forth.

“The only thing they’re saying is how Peter’s a jackass and you don’t deserve that.” You sighed and nodded and tried to brush your tears away.

“I just can’t believe he would d-do this to me. It’s like i’m a jo-joke.” You sniffled and MJ scoffed. “He’s such a dick. Once I get my hands on him—”

“No, MJ. It’s fine. I gave him a piece of my mind already.” You smiled weakly at her and she helped you off the floor. She shook her head with a scowl and then snorted.

“What?”

“Once Harry hears about his little stunt, Peter is done for.”

Your eyes widened as you thought about Harry. He tolerated Peter because of you and once he hears what happened, you have a good idea what he’d do.

“My god, I have to call him. But he’s in a stupid high class professional meeting.” You whipped out your phone and went to his contact. You couldn’t call him but you thought a text should be enough until you see him later.

‘Don’t freak out...Peter asked me out again

BUT!!!! I obviously said no and handled to situation!

So when you come to school tomorrow and hear about the drama pls don’t pummel Peters face in ??? <3’

“Hm. That should hold him off. Let’s skip class and go watch the cheerleaders fall from their pyramid.” You tried to keep a straight face but ended up laughing.

“Yeah, i’m down for that.” MJ smiled at you and started to walk out of the bathroom.

You sighed and thought about if Peter was hurting right now. But then you shook your head.

But I don’t really care how bad it hurts

When you broke me first

He broke you first and now he had to deal with the aftermath, not you.

[equestrianwritingsstuff]

The Assassin and the Caretaker Part 2

Part 1

Warnings: blood, scar, torture, mind control, killing, long injury descriptions (blood, cuts, dislocation, broken bones, etc), barbed wire as restraints, head injury, starvation

Caretaker watched silently as Villain and Hero's limp bodies were hurried away. When the door finally slammed shut, they felt a foreboding presence behind them.

"Call me," Assasin said. "When you are ready for your next mission. A man up North hired me to kill a gang of rebels. I could use your help, but I understand if you need... time."

Time? Yes, time would be good. Caretaker pictured Villain's last futile attempts to protect Hero in their mind. They couldn't cause that anguish, not any time soon.

"How do you do it?" Caretaker whispered, clutching the twenty thousand dollars in their hands. "How do you-"

"Do my job? I need the money."

Caretaker gave a curt nod. They needed the money too since they recently quit their job as a computer mechanic.

"Well," Assasin sighed. "I'm gonna go now, but, uh, call me. Yeah?"

"Sure," Caretaker replied. Once Assasin closed the door behind them, Caretaker sunk onto their couch. Villain's blood was still on it and Caretaker wondered breifly if their injury was bleeding again. Would Supervillain take care of them? No, duh, they were going to kill them, that's why Assasin caught them. Right?

And then what about Hero? Their head injury was so bad that Caretaker suspected that they wouldn't get away without some form of brain damage. Memory loss at the least.

What if they got out? What if Hero never remembered Villain? Caretaker was reminded of Villain quiet pleas to protect Hero. Why did they do this? Why...

Three months later...

"Oh my gosh Caretaker!" A voice broke the heavy silence of the room of a guilty person. Caretaker looked up to see Assasin strolling into their bedroom, uninvited.

"What?" Caretaker asked, unfased. "You said I could have time."

"Not three months of sitting around doing nothing at all," Assasin yelled. They stopped walking and leaned against the foot of Caretaker's bed. "I think it would do you good to do something."

"Like what? Kill people for money?" Caretaker scoffed. "Never again."

"How 'bout saving people?"

"That's better, but you wouldn't save anyone. You hardly look after yourself," Caretaker nodded towards the bruises that littered Assasin's body.

"These?" Assasin laughed. "A small price for obtaining some valuable information."

"About your next victim?" Caretaker mused.

"In a way," Assasin flashed a broad smile and walk to Caretaker's side. They took out their phone and showed a picture to them.

It looked like and black and gray screen.

"And this is supposed to show me..."

"Open your eyes Caretaker," Assasin snorted and put the phone two inches in front of their face.

"Okay!" Caretaker snapped and took the phone. For their sake, they observed the picture closer. The gray spots seemed to be figures. Yes, figures. One was hunched over and the other stood above it. The hunched figure had a white splotch above it.

Caretaker zoomed in on the picture. They could just make out notable features like an open mouth, arms, and eyes. Terrifyingly familiar eyes.

"Is this-" Caretaker croaked out. Assasin smiled.

"Villain," they said. Then their cheery gaze faltered. "With Supervillaim torturing the crap out of them."

Caretaker could not believe Assasin. First, they broke into their house. Second, they brought up painful memories and assisted in bringing fresh guilt back to the surface.

"Y-you don't, um," Assasin stammered. "You don't think my intentions are true. Do you?"

Caretaker shook their head. There was probably money involved in this.

"Where do you think I was for the last three months?" Assasin asked, getting irritated with Caretaker's lazy figure.

"Getting rich."

"Idiot!" Assasin yelled and punched the wall. Caretaker slowly looked up at the hole in the drywall.

"You better pay for that-"

Caretaker was cut off by Assasin forcibly grabbing them out of bed and pinning them to the wall.

"I got hurt taking care of that gang," Assasin lifted up their shirt to reveal a scar made from a bullet wound. "At the hospital, after my surgery, a doctor approached me. They told my that they worked for a group that took care of people... like me." Assasin stood back and breathed in deeply.

Suddenly, their eyes glowed red and they ordered in a deep voice, "Sit."

A strange feeling quickly overcame Caretaker and they sunk to the ground on their seat bones. The feeling vanished as soon as it came on, leaving Caretaker speechless.

"I have mind control powers," Assasin crouched next to Caretaker and looked them eye to eye. "Villain has powers also. Something to do with storms and stuff."

Caretaker was still speechless. All the recent events suddenly clickes into place. Assasin didn't need Caretaker's help in kidnapping Villain and Hero. They needed someone to administer the power suppressor so that they wouldn't get any on them.

"Bastard," Caretaker spat. Assasin gave a half-grin.

"Maybe," they said. "But I don't care. I know the second I leave you are going to follow me and we are going to save both of them."

Caretaker hated the fact that they were right.

Caretaker leaned their head against the window as Assasin drove to Supervillain's base, thinking of Assassin's stupid plan.

"What's the plan?" Caretaker had asked earlier.

"Kill some guards, take their uniforms and ID cards or whatever stuff they have on them," Assasin began. "Then," they continued after a pause. "We get into Villain's cell saying there was eletrical issues. Supervillain is gonna be out tonight, so we just have to deal with their minions which shouldn't be too hard."

"What about Hero?"

"After I make Villain sleep," Assasin glanced at Caretaker's paling face as they remebered three months ago. "With my powers," they reassured them. "It will only take a second since they will be tired anyways. After that, we get... Hero."

Caretaker frowned at the hesitation. "Is Hero okay you think?"

"No," Assasin choked. Caretaker stared dumbfoundly as they wiped a single tear off their cheek.

"Oh," they said.

"We got reports that they are not themselves," Assasin explained further. "Due to their head injury that I might've inflicted."

Caretaker was genuinely shocked that Assasin could care this much.

"No matter," they laughed suddenly. "Not that they are entirely innocent, but..."

Assasin never finished their thought and they drove the rest of the way in silence.

The pair did as planned and, let's just say got rid of and hid, a couple guards. Assasin being the bigger figure got changed into the larger uniform, and Caretaker the smaller. But it still dangled off their shoulders.

"Oh my gosh," Assasin laughed as they rolled up Caretaker's sleeves. "You are itty-bitty." Suddenly, they guided Caretaker behind a dumpster.

"Supervillain," they hissed silently and peered out. Caretaker could just make out a shadow entering a shed before Assasin recoiled back.

"That dang henchman!" They growled. Caretaker assumed that the henchman that they fought earlier lied. Then, a horrible thought struck them. Supervillain probably knows that they were coming. They had to get out of there like right now!

But Assasin had other plans. Without warning, they hurried into the shed after Supervillain. Caretaker hesitantly followed.

The first thing Caretaker noticed was Supervillain kneeling on the floor, pushed down by an invisible force that was Assasin. Their eyes glowed even redder than what Caretaker remember as they ordered Supervillain to keep still.

"Assasin," Supervillain growled, only to be shut up by Assasin.

"Get them," Assasin said in a low, but partially normal voice. Caretaker looked over at the wall to see Hero slumped in a corner motionless. Villain was suspended in the air, their head hanging limply.

And wow did they look awful. Villain's hair was matted in blood and dirt. Their upper half was stripped. Caretaker would see the half healed stab wound on their abdomen. Festering cuts decorated their body disgustingly. Deep purple, nearly black, bruises were on their throat where they were likely choked, or worse hung from for short periods of time. And that wasn't even the worse of it. Caretaker could see numerous bones shifting awkwardly as they dangled from enlongated arms. Likely dislocated at the shoulders. Caretaker wanted to gag as they approached them.

Gosh, they regretted everything all over again. Villain's chest barely rose and fall. It hurt to watch. Caretaker gulped and reached upwards to take off the wires that bound Villain's wrists to the wall.

They earned a heart-wrenching scream from the injured villain as they shot awake. Caretaker noticed only then that the restraints were barbed wire. They felt sick to the stomach as their eyes took in the deep wounds around their wrists.

"I'm sorry," Caretaker muttered when they realized with the proper strength (which they lacked), they could rip the barb wire out of the wall.

Villaim screamed and sobbed throughout the entire process as Caretaker yanked at the restraints. Out of the corner of their eye, they saw Assasin losing their control on Supervillain. They didn't have much time...

They broke one of them free, cutting their hand in the process. Ignoring the sting, they broke the other wire. Villain collasped on the ground, motionless.

"Assasin!" Caretaker called. Assasin nodded and rushed towards the unsuspecting Supervillain. They threw them against the wall and ran towards Hero, picking them up.

"We don't have much time," Assasin rasped, their voice strained from the effort of mind controlling Supervillain.

Caretaker didn't hesitate in scooping Villain up who thrashed and weakly kicked around, gasping in pain. As Caretaker left, they saw Supervillain getting up.

"Start the car!" They yelled at Assasin and started jogging. Villain was much lighter than the last time they carried them.

Caretaker opened the back of the car, put Villain in, and crawled in themselves. Assasin shut the door from the driver's seat and they sped away.

"We aren't safe anywhere," Assasin said, turning sharply into a highway. "Take care of them in the car. Now!"

Caretaker looked at Villain, who seemed to have passed out, to Hero writhing around in the backseat. Seeing that Hero was currently in more pain, they went to work taking care of them.

For the most part, Hero looked better than Villain, but Caretaker knew better. They were half-starved, eyes glazed over, and just weren't... right.

Caretaker knew that both victims needed medical attention, but Supervillain would get to them that way.

Caretaker opened the first aid kit and began cleaning the wound on their temple. A fresh one, Caretaker realized. That meant...

No, don't go there, Caretaker willed themselves and disinfected the wound. It was too thin to stitch up, so they put a gauze pad on it.

Hero didn't have anymore bad wounds to take care of. They woke up, or at least Caretaker thought so.

"Piggy back ride," they murmured and weakly clutched Caretaker's hand. "Hero wants a piggy back ride."

Caretaker's heart sank when they heard Assasin sniffle.

"You're gonna get one once we are safe," Caretaker assured the delirious Hero who nodded slowly in reply.

Caretaker crawled back to where Villain still laid. They had no idea where to start. There was too many, way too many wounds. Caretaker leaned heavily against the side of the car, straining their eyes to see the faint rise and fall of Villain's chest.

Getting a hold of themselves, Caretaker began disinfecting the largest wounds. They were running out of disinfectant.

Caretaker's fingers traced the stab wound, making Villain gasp lightly, but not wake up. It wasn't healed properly at all. They took out some soothing cream to rub on the irritated areas, including the rub burns all over Villain's skinny body from where they were possibly dragged around.

The next largest concern was the dislocated shoulders, broken ribs, and the broken hand, but it wasn't as big of a concern than the black SUV that was following them.

The SUV with the license plate of "EVIL".

[iamtaekooked]

Vanilla Rules || Ch 14

Genre: Enemies to Lovers! AU, badboy! au, college! au

Word count: 8.0k

Synopsis:

The hate saga between you and baddie of the town Park Jimin rests on two very simple rules: 1.) Hate each other for the rest of your lives and 2.)under no circumstances fall in love with each other. But what happens when the possibility of love threatens this dynamic?

A/N: Enjoy! Personally one of my favourite chapters in this series. I am sure you guys will like this one because it has been long overdue. 

Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 || Ch 7|| Ch 8 || Ch 9 || Ch 10|| Ch 11 || Ch 12 || Ch 13 || Ch 14

After the soccer team had won the game, Elijah from the team had decided to throw a pool party at his house to celebrate. You were walking with Taehyung by your side towards the driveway of a gated mansion which happened to be Elijah’s home. You never had any idea he was rich and you had to physically stop yourself from exclaiming aloud. Taehyung was talking about something you hadn’t paid attention to properly but you knew the subject involved Jimin since he said his name, after which you stopped listening. You had no desire to be anywhere near thoughts about him mentally or just physically.

Taehyung stopped walking beside you and once you realized that you did too. You turned back to face him.

“Did you listen to me?” he crossed his arms over his chest.

You didn’t but you couldn’t say that without sounding rude. “Yeah” you lied since you didn’t want him to repeat it again without bringing up Jimin.

“And are you okay with it? I mean if you aren’t I would understand. We can go back and we can tell Hoseok one of us is sick or something”

Okay with what?

“Y-yeah. Yeah I am fine with it. Let’s go” you said distractedly and hoped whatever you had agreed to wouldn’t come to bite you back because Taehyung did look very worried. With a sign you began walking again, taking in the grandeur of the place. Before you knew it you were stepping into the overly crowded mansion. It looked he had invited half the college and why not, he had the place to accommodate. You could only recognize a few people and the rest were absolute strangers. Most had abandoned their clothes and were in their bikini’s or swimming trunks.

“Oh god he has two pools” Taehyung walked straight in the direction of the backyard like a dazed child with his mouth agape in admiration and eyes wide with wonder, as if he had never seen anything like it before. There were people in both the pools, and one of them had been set up for pool volleyball. Taehyung shrugged of his shirt and jumped straight into the pool, garnering everyone’s attention and cheers. As always he was the social butterfly.

“You made it!” you heard Hoseok’s voice and immediately turned only to run straight into his chest for an embrace.

“I made it!” you pulled away with a giggle.

Oh,and I got this tequila” you handed it to him and he led you to the kitchen where he placed the bottle among many others. The surface was laden with food and other drinks, mostly beer.

“Hey, do you want something to drink?” Hoseok questioned, looking at the myriad of choices in front of you.

“This punch looks good” you pointed to the giant bowl with the blue liquid.

“Good choice. It’s my secret concoction” he said jokingly, while pouring you a cup.

“Well at least if soccer doesn’t work out, you could always bartend” you snickered making him chuckle as well.

He handed you the drink and you smelled it first before taking a sip. “I smell strawberries. How cliche”

“I am a cliche guy. Try it though” he prodded and you put the cup to your lips and took a small sip.

“Oh gosh. This is like roofied lemonade” you exclaimed in surprise because the mixture of strawberry soda, lemonade vodka made for a classic combination. But you detected another sweet note which lingered pleasurably in your mouth “Wait is there peach schnapps in here?”

“No it’s gatorade. That is the secret” he winked and shockingly enough it induced a blush on your cheeks. That did not even happen when he kissed you-- which suddenly made you feel very awkward and reminded you that neither of you talked about it. With the way his behaviour was so normal you wondered if you should touch the topic. Maybe he forgot all about it. Maybe it was a heat of the moment thing.

“Seriously? Gatorade? That is kind of disgusting and the worst combination with alcohol” immediately after the revelation your nose scrunched in distaste. But it did explain the blue color.

“You liked it. Don’t lie. Besides there are better things to focus  your attention on, such as the pool, which also happens to be blue in color. Unless that disgusts you too” he purses his lips to hide the teasing smile

“Oh shut up” you playfully slapped him on the arm which you realized a second later might have been a bit too flirtatious.

“So are we going out there?” he motioned his head to the backyard.

“I thought I would enjoy this disgustingly awesome punch. But i guess not” you chugged it in one breath before excusing yourself to change into your bikini.

You hadn’t seen Jimin yet which was a good sign, in fact it made your night that much better. Being around him was like being dunked in a tank without oxygen. You wished things hadn’t gotten that bad and you could be your usual self around each other-- just hating one another. But it wasn’t like that anymore. You could not drown yourself in that hate because so much had changed.

You shrugged your clothes off before heading outside to the backyard, where Hoseok was standing in front of the pool, stretching his arms to the sky. No matter what anyone said, the man definitely had an ogle worthy body. You shook yourself out of your trance before approaching him.

“Hey” you said timidly, rocking back and forth on your feet because it felt awkward.

Hoseok turned around and immediately his jaw dropped the second he laid eyes on you. He gave you a once over before he whispered “wow”

Your instinct was to cover yourself up but you stood there under his intense stare, waiting for it to somehow get less awkward.

“You look… h-h-hot” he almost coughed

“What?!” you exclaimed because that was not what you were expecting.

“Sorry. I meant you look good” his cheeks flushed red and without a word he turned around and jumped in the pool. The water splashed and soaked you completely.

“What the hell?” you screamed while giggling and wiped your face clean of water.

“Your turn!” he yelled back

You hesitated for a bit before jumping in the pool with him. The water was colder than you expected. You splashed around in the pool, making a game of who could splash the other more. It was nice hanging out with Hoseok because the time you spent with him was the longest you had gone without Jimin on your mind. He still hadn’t appeared at the party which was a huge relief.

You were unaware of how much time had elapsed with you in the pool, but the end you had caught a cold which had you sneezing without an end near in sight. Maybe you should have listened to your body before when you felt chilly. Maybe then the night would not have been ruined.

“I am going to go inside for a bit” you told Hoseok who had wrapped a towel around your figure with an understanding nod. You stepped in through the french doors of the balcony which immediately brought a sense of relief as the warmth hit your skin, raising goosebumps on your flesh. You pushed through sweaty bodies and made your way upstairs where you had left your clothes to change back into them. Not that the shorts would be of much help.

You made a beeline for the bathroom only to find it locked. So you rushed downstairs to the third bathroom in the gigantic house-- only to bump into Jimin.

Fuck. Shit. Why is he here?

You stumbled back in shock-- whether from the collision or from seeing him, you did not know. You looked at him wide eyed, like you weren’t expecting to bump into him in such a manner. And you weren’t, but facing him in reality was vastly different than the image in your head. Your stomach tightened in knots and a nauseating feeling built up to your throat, almost suffocating you. You felt the need to retch since the acidic liquid was pooling under your tongue. You stood staring at him like an idiot while he looked at you with his normal unreadable expression. Was he happy? Was he pissed? Was he irritated? What was he thinking?

So many burning questions, and the answers to them would forever evade you, which in itself was a big frustration, apart from the fact that it was weird that you were concerned about his thoughts and feelings in the first place. You shouldn’t have been but you were as you watched the man in front of you stare without uttering a single word or even blinking. He must have been thinking something. Maybe he was just as surprised to bump into you, but he knew you were going to be here. Maybe he was also thinking about everything that happened between you in the past few days, and he was stumped for words.

“Jimin?” you heard an almost feline like voice. It prompted the direction of your attention to a pretty brunette female next to him, who was waving her hand in front of his face to get his attention. She had the most gorgeous hazel coloured eyes you could envision on any human being. You knew that you did not need to look at the rest of her to know that it would set you into a spiral of self-deprecating comparisons because you didn’t think you could compare. But why would you need to?  

Your first thought: why is she with him?

You had to mentally chide this side of you to remind yourself that it was none of your concern who he was with. He could be with anybody he wanted to. Perhaps for a time you had thought that he had left his old habits behind. That he was a new man, with a better hold on himself. But maybe not. Maybe he could never change and maybe you should stop wishing for it to be so. Or maybe he never even really liked you as he had said. If that were the case he wouldn’t come to a party with another girl. Surely, he brought her here as his date.

Now that thought should have been a relief for you, but it wasn’t. If anything, it left it its wake a pang of disappointment followed by a weird feeling of sadness that constricted your chest. Like the one time your eighth grade crush had brought your friend Jessica to the annual Snowfall Dance, and you had wanted to cry because it did not feel good. It felt something like that this time too and you wanted to cry but for very different reasons-- mostly because you hated that you even cared and it scared the hell out of you.

“Jimin?” came her coy voice again and it oozed so much sexuality because even her just saying his name sounded so damn sensual. No wonder he brought her. In fact she was exactly his type of girl-- looks and talks.

“Huh?” he finally looked away from you and at her, a wide look realization in his eyes that she was there too. “Sorry. I just-- Were you saying something?” he paused and glanced at you. “Babe” he added at the end while looking at her.

You heart sunk hearing that word although you had heard him say that to a hundred different girls, sometimes in the hallways, sometimes yelling it out as his favourite flavour of the week walked by. This time though it didn’t ring by empty ears because you actually paid attention. You scowled at both of them before schooling your expression into one of indifference. He couldn’t know your raging thoughts and feelings. No one could know and if it was up to you, you wouldn’t let yourself feel them either.  

Maybe he never meant what he said and that is a relief

You weren’t fully convinced it was a good thing though because you just didn’t 100% feel that way, given your mind had been stuck in a limbo regarding that moment. It wasn’t a certain feeling like many others you have experienced before. It was missing the element of truth to it. It was like lying to yourself.

“Are you okay?” she questioned, like they had both forgotten someone was standing in front of them.

“Yeah I am fine” he gave her a small smile before directing his attention to you. Just like moments ago, you two wordlessly looked at each other, neither able to extend forward a greeting.

“Do you guys.. know each other?”

“Yeah” you both said in unison without breaking the eye contact which was frankly driving you nuts. But you couldn’t look away. Because if you did then he would look at her and deep, deep, deep, very deep down you did not want that. It was a good thing too. Because very, very, very deep down was something you could handle since it could never come to the surface. Feelings like that rarely ever grew and blossomed. That want would never transition into some deeper feeling like jealousy because you would kill yourself before it happened. It was an exaggeration but you would do something drastic before you let yourself go that much.

Never. Ever.

“Hi. I am Bethany” she extended her hand while you just stared at her blankly. A name like that was too puritan for a girl with her tastes. Bethany could be envisaged as some devout Christian who said her prayers, did her good dues and went to Church on Sundays. You weren’t even sure she could spell the word ‘church’ much less enter such a holy place.

“Y/n” you replied without meeting her hand midway which she retracted slowly as if she thought you might change your mind.

“How do you two know each other?” she question with what sounded like genuine curiosity, but for some reason it sounded a bit fake-- atleast to you.

“Uhh-- we go to the same college” Jimin interjected quickly. For some fucked up reason yet again, you felt a pang of disappointment. Like you were expecting something more from him-- maybe he would say you were his friend, or at the very least an acquaintance. Going to the same college together was such a generic reply which didn’t even answer her question. He went to college with thousand other people, did he know them too?

“It was nice seeing you” your mouth managed to utter the horribly embarrassing words which in this situation painted you as the one who had no self-respect. He certainly didn’t seem overjoyed by your presence, so it wasn’t a warranted response. If he acted indifferent, and cold you should have to-- that’s how it has always been, a good balance of give and take.  You were supposed to be mad at him for yelling at you and for a million other things-- maybe like kissing you. So, no it shouldn’t have been nice to see him.

But it was

Seriously y/n what in the fucking hell is wrong with you? You had to yell at yourself mentally again because your thoughts were getting out of hand.

Red faced, you stepped past them and headed somewhere, where you could die with shame.

///

There was something about the way Jimin sat with Bethany at the edge of the pool. You had never seen him engaged in such a serious conversation before. The way he was nodding at her with a small shy smile at the corner of his lips almost gave him the air of being interested in whatever she had to say or worse-- in her.

You had no clue what made you think it was worse he would be interested in her, but the fact remained you couldn’t stop focusing on it. It was like a downward spiral, a vicious circle because the more you thought about it the more you cared, and the less you tried to think about- try being the key word- the more your mind focused on it. You saw no end in sight for this.

So, all you could do was sit there and pretend to be a part of the conversation among your group of friends, all the while trying to remind yourself that it did not matter. Hell, if you wanted to you could get so drunk and make out with some random dude. But you didn’t feel like getting drunk and neither did you want to make out with anyone, even though some of the guys at the party were definitely worthy of it. Maybe that was the problem.

“I am gonna go get a drink” you lifted your feet from the pool and stood up. The music was actually blaring at this point and passing by the speakers wreaked havoc on your skull.

But somehow you made it inside without inducing a headache. There was nothing else that interested you from all the choice of alcohol except for the beer. You reached for it but at the same time someone else did too. The hand was considerably cold as it touched yours but it brought some relief because you realized just how warm your whole body was. You cautiously looked up to find--

“Jimin” you whispered and immediately retracted your hand. “It’s cool. You can have it”

“Your hand is extremely warm” he commented and let his hand fall by his side too.

“I realized that” you took one last glance before looking down at your feet, because suddenly it felt more fascinating to do that

“Are you sick or something?” he feigned indifference but even he knew that little bit of concern slipped through his voice, making his feelings loud and clear.

“I am fine” you said curtly, still not meeting his eyes. Somehow hearing that bit of care in his voice didn’t sit well with you. He shouldn’t care, yet he sounded like he did.

“You don’t look fine” he placed the back of his hand on your forehead. You shuddered due to the coldness of it or maybe simply because he was touching you. It could be either of those things but you were willing to bet it was the latter. And you didn’t like it.

“I am okay” you flinched away from his hand which he let drop by his side with a defeated sigh.

“You might have a fever”

“I’ll be fine”

“Stop being so stubbo-”

“Why the fuck do you care?” the anger in your tone rose with each word because his words made it sound like he cared, but his actions did the complete opposite. You couldn’t understand why it affected you so much, why it felt like there was a heavy weight on your heart, when you didn’t even respond to his kiss or his words that day. Why was it that a week later it suddenly started to form into something else?

You should be indifferent, and normal about him bringing a date, but you’re not. You should treat him the same way you treat people you don’t know-- aware of their existence and that is it. You shouldn’t notice him, what he says or does. You shouldn’t even be thinking about it but you are and you can’t understand why. It induced so much frustration that it made  you want to cry. The outburst was more the result of confusion and fear than actual dislike for the boy.

You had seen it so many times before and turned a blind eye. It never mattered who he fucked, or who he loved. But now your mind found a fixation with every action, every gesture, every word of his. Unconsciously, you felt the need to analyze every look he gave you, every word he said, or every word he didn’t say. You felt the need to dissect every single thing like someone with OCD, and overthink things to the point that they felt meaningless.

“Right” he nodded gravely and reached down for the can of beer. “I don’t care” he shrugged apathetically, the expression on his face suddenly one of rigid detachment like someone flipped a switch in him. “I’ll take this beer. Otherwise you might just make a fool out of yourself getting drunk” the bite in his words was so much like the old Jimin, one who never forfeited any opportunity to rile you up.

You guffawed and looked at him wide eyed. “You know what? Fuck off” with a scowl you went back outside to join your group of friends

The steaming expression of anger on your face must have tipped Taehyung off because in an instant he was asking what was wrong as you sat down by the poolside dipping your feet in the cool water.

“Nothing” you muttered through clenched teeth while having your having arms folded across your chest in an intimidating manner. You watched with seething anger as Jimin handed the drink to his stupid date and she took it with that frustratingly gorgeous smile on her face.

What an asshole

“Oh I get it” Taehyung spoke

“What” you asked without taking your eyes off Jimin.

“You’re jealous” he replied casually without that tone of unexpectedness in his voice almost like he was expecting it.

“Excuse me?” you turned to look at him with a frown, like he had just said something disgusting. “Why the fuck would I be jealous?”

“Well your face tells a different story so forgive me. But to be fair I did tell you about it” he pointed to Jimin and his date. You were never going to utter her name, it just made you too, angry. You looked at him blankly because you had no idea what he was talking about.

He looked at you with raised eyebrows-- the classic ‘oh really” expression. “Seriously? What the hell do you think I was talking about on our way here. I asked you if it was okay and if not we could go back home”

Now it made more sense, the concern on his face, the weird questions he was asking. But it did prompt you to question why he was worried about you with regards to Jimin bringing a date. Did he think you felt something for him? If that was the case it was a big misconception because the only thing you felt for Jimin was contempt. Kind of.

“Hold up. Do you think I like him or something?”

“Uhh……” he seemed to ponder his answer as he looked up to the side as if he was seriously contemplating what he wanted to say. His eyes flickered like someone who was mentally changing their answer. “No?”

“Why did you say that like a question? Like you’re not sure it’s a definite no” the tone of defensive had Taehyung frowning with suspicion, like he had an inkling something was going on.

“Why are you getting so upset. Chill. I don’t think you like him. Happy?” he shook his head at you like he thought you lost a screw or two.

“Because” you huffed. “He stole my beer. Okay? He stole my beer and I am pissed off about it. I mean I never thought he could steal my beer. I don’t even like him. So how dare he take my beer against my will. To--to think that he could actually take my beer-- it fucks with me” you sighed after the little rant. But Taehyung just looked more confused than ever and rightly so because when you realized what you had said made no sense.

“What?” taehyung gave you that look-- the one people give to those they think are crazy. “Are you sure you’re talking about beer? Because that’s kind of an overreaction for a can of beer”

You didn’t even listen to the second part and stopped when he questioned if you were talking about the beer. You glanced at Jimin again, and to see him act like he didn’t care at all it didn’t exactly feel too good. The way he was so careless about it all, so free like he didn’t have anything on his mind regarding you, like you didn’t exist lent a heavy, constricted feeling to your throat. Like you could not breathe. It wasn’t fair since you were all up in your feelings while he looked like he was having a good time.

“Yeah. Definitely the beer” you nodded gravely, as you realized you weren’t talking about the beer at all.

That was the one moment in your life you felt utterly scared.

///

The party had been moved inside due to the sudden storm which came as a relief because at least you didn’t have to suffer outside in the cold due to the mere social obligation and peer pressure. The only problem was the lights were out as well, but it wasn’t a problem given Elijah had been completely prepared for the possibility as the whole house was lit with candles. It was almost too romantic a setting which made a tightening knot in your stomach. Even though the lights were very dim, the surroundings were still visible. Well everyone else could see because you were bumping into furniture and people as you navigated your way upstairs to go to the washroom.

The was a kind solace in this partial darkness. No one could really see your face, or the red that had plastered itself onto your cheeks, or the angered look on your face which had been there since you saw Jimin. Or even the panic hidden behind that anger. No one could ask you what was wrong and you wouldn’t have to lie about it. It was the perfect disguise to hide your thoughts and feelings behind the curtain of darkness that had befallen. The storm was all that anyone was talking about, except some people who still managed to make out with each other, like the gay couple in the corner of the balcony upstairs.

You pushed past people and turned the handle of the bathroom when--

“Shh” you heard someone whisper and felt their hand cover your mouth. You protested against his hand but everything sounded like random noise. You couldn’t even see his face since the upstairs was plunged into darkness. So, you had no idea who had the audacity to do this. You had half a mind to kick him in the nuts, but didn’t want to aim wrong and hit something else around you.

“Come on” you heard the voice again and felt a tug on your arm before you realized you were being pulled into a room.

You tried to say something again. “Hey. You-”

“Shh.” replied the voice in a whisper like someone was right outside the door. Like this was something so forbidden it might land you in trouble.

His hand softly snaked behind your waist, holding you close. You felt goosebumps rise onto your skin, the trail of his touch leaving behind a burning feeling. Your heart rate had risen and you were sure that he could feel the beating of your heart through your shirt.

“Who the- ” you whispered back in urgency, trying to wriggle out from his grip.

“Shut up” you were cut off by the gruff voice

And there it was. You knew this voice very well but before you could say anything his lips were on yours. Again.

Jimin

Deja Vu

You felt the tingles in your skin again, you felt the burning of your flesh as he kissed you. His lips were soft as they melted into yours. Unlike last time you gave in because you liked this feeling of forbiddenness-- one that you had created for yourself. You shouldn’t have been feeling this thrilled because you weren’t defying anyone else but yourself. There was a certain power in knowing that you could do this. That you could give into it if you liked, that you still had this choice. More than power, it was a feeling of relief because now it was an option, if you chose it. It’s like when you are on a diet and you restrict yourself from eating something. But then when you do, you like it so much that you find it hard to stop yourself. Of course, there is that familiar feeling of guilt that comes after but maybe after this little indulgence you won’t feel guilty, you won’t deprive yourself.

So you kissed him back. You pressed your lips tightly against his drinking in the feeling of being so close to him. You never imagined what it would feel like to touch him, to have him touch you and kiss you like he’s never been kissed before, like he’s never touched anyone so profoundly before. But then it hit you like a ton of bricks, the realization of what you were doing.

You pulled away and put a lot of space between you. Your butt hit what might have been the dresser in the room as you steadied yourself against it in the dark. Your chest heaved, a slight ache coming on as to what might develop into a panic attack. Your whole being felt like it had been set on fire-- every molecule, every atom, every cell felt like it was burning. Your body had grown significantly hot, enough for you to start feeling sweaty.

The lights turned on blinding your vision, causing you to shield your eyes. You lowered your hand and opened your eyes cautiously, giving yourself time to adjust to the light.

“Y/n?” Jimin’s voice was a whisper of shock, of complete disbelief, of maybe even regret.

You stared at each other, red faced, breathless, aching, longing, and yearning. What might have been three seconds seemed like a hundred years in passing. You never understood why even second of eye contact felt like hours. Maybe it was something about staring into someone’s eyes directly, like you are actually looking at them, noticing them. The ticking of the clock on the room only added to the tension, as if telling you that time was passing by like sand through fingers. That each passed second will never come back and you will never experience this moment, this floating, dizzy, and dazed feeling again.

That this exact moment in which you were both trapped, a moment that has the potential to change into something else, will never exist in the exact same way ever again.

Then simultaneously you moved towards each other to end up pressing your lips in another kiss. This one spoke of your hidden emotions, the forbidden feelings that could never see the day of light. It was a way to cleanse yourself of these thoughts and feelings because perhaps giving into them once would ensure their disappearance. Because maybe these aren’t even feelings at all. Maybe it’s the simple fact that restriction creates taboo’s and anything taboo is the human mind’s attraction.

Your hands were all over the place, sometimes threading through his hair, and sometimes clutching onto his waist, or resting on his shoulders as you tried to pull him closer, if that was even possible. Maybe you needed this to get him out of your system and to go back to being your normal self because then you would have done it already and the appeal in the notion of a forbidden kiss or intimacy would diminish.

No words were exchanged as you kissed and kissed against walls, windows, doors, the dresser, anything and everything. Jimin even managed to close the door with his foot while you made out against it and then he flipped you so that you were pinned between him and the wall. Time seemed to have become an invisible entity because you had no awareness of it. You could have been drinking each other’s kisses for ten minutes or an hour. You had no idea. You couldn’t get enough of it. He was an addiction and the withdrawal might be severe.

A soft moan escaped your mouth while your hand snaked behind the nape of his neck as he held you steady against the wall with your thigh hooked tightly around his waist. His kisses turned fervent, urgent. He slowly moved away from your mouth and to your neck where he teased you with kisses, fleshing your skin between his teeth which was sure enough to leave a hickey. It stung with a pleasurable pain that you were sure you could endure more of.

Your common sense had been kicked to the curb and you couldn’t even find a second of rationality within yourself. Jimin’s hand slowly dragged across your abdomen, stopping just under the swell of your breast, his thumb lightly grazing the skin and you could feel his other hand reaching back to unclip your bra when the door burst open.

The loud noise propelled you to separate as you stared at a dishevelled looking girl just staring at you. “Shit. Sorry”

“Close the fucking door” he yelled at her and she blinked out of her daze and hurriedly shut the door.

You turned around to look at each other and after a passing second in which both your senses had returned and you separated, much like people who do so when they realize they did something they shouldn’t have. As close as you were before, you were on the opposite ends of the room now. The blank look of disbelief was apparent on your faces as you just stood there, trying to process what occured. It was definitely a heat of the moment thing.

You wiped your mouth with the back of your hand and adjusted your sweatshirt so that it fell back to your waist instead of being ridden up and exposing your abdomen.

Jimin was staring at the floor with one hand scratching the nape of his neck. You could see that his cheeks were coloured pink and his ears were completely red. It almost made you want to chuckle with fondness because he looked cute. But that thought seemed trivial when a full blown realization hit you: you just made out with Jimin.

That wasn’t even the worst part.

The worst of it was you liked it and a teeny tiny part of you did not want to stop.

“I’m just going to….” you pointed to the door while resting your eyes on the floor.

He cleared his throat. “Y-yeah”

You quickly smoothed your hair before hurrying towards the door. Your hand enclosed around it when you Jimin called out to you.

“You’re not going to tell anyone right?” he sounded very cautious, and hesitant. Maybe he was even regretting this because why else would he care if you told anyone? Or if you discussed this with anyone else?

“Please” you replied still facing the door and grip tightening on the handle. “I would rather die” you tried to make your tone as cold mean as you could but it just wasn’t the same as before. The air of awkward energy trumped any attempt at being snarky. There was way too much sexual tension and you felt it in every part of yourself. Who knew Jimin could make you a hot and bothered mess?

“Me too” came his voice and your heart sank, not because of what he said but how sure and certain he sounded that he would prefer any other outcome rather than kissing you. It made no sense because week ago he had taken the initiative to the same and even this time he didn’t seem all that hesitant about it. “This never happened”

“I wish it didn’t” you mumbled as you turned around to face him. It broke you to even think that because you didn’t regret it all. But he definitely seemed like he did.

“What?”

“Nothing. This never happened. Sorry to ruin your night” you said dispirited with a tiny voice. You turned around but stopped when you heard Jimin.

“Hey” his voice was soft and inviting. “You didn’t ruin the night”

This was frustrating. One second he implies that he would like it kept under wraps for whatever godforsaken reason and then he says it didn’t ruin the night for him. Could he just stick to one version of his tale? Either he wanted it or he didn’t. Either he would do this again or he wouldn’t. There was no in between.

You whipped around to face him and as you saw his face you couldn’t help but notice the flicker of hope in his expression that maybe you would tell him he was wrong. A part of you did want to tell him you didn’t actually feel bad about it, but you just couldn’t get the words out. It wasn’t easy to say something like that especially to him given the history between you.

“Mistakes happen all the time. So it’s fine” you gave a tense, tight lipped smile. It was definitely not a mistake because you know that it was a conscious decision for both of you. Both of you took the initiative for the kiss. You couldn’t understand the feeling of disappointment that he didn’t want anyone to know. Not that you would have told anyone about it anyway because how could you? How could you possibly explain making out with the one person you have always claimed to hate fiercely and how could you ever let go of the feeling of betraying yourself for not hating it at all?

But still hearing him actually say it was disheartening.

Jimin looked slightly taken aback as he blinked. “Yeah.Yeah. Totally. This was a mistake” he agreed nonetheless. At best it was a half-hearted attempt at trying to cover up disappointment.

It all felt like a big pretence and you couldn’t shake the feeling that it was.  That behind these empty meaningless words were completely different emotions. No regret, no guilt, no mistakes. Both of you were trying to cover up something. For you it was the fact that you didn’t hate kissing him and you didn’t feel panicked, or scared, or disgusted by it like you hoped. You had no concrete reason as to why you thought he was being dishonest. But just the way he talked, his quiet tone and weak voice was not one that evidenced any protestation or regret he might have carried about the situation. If that were the case he would have sounded very sure and certain of it, but he didn’t. If anything, he sounded a bit disappointed as well.

“C-cool” your heart sank once more and your stomach tightening with nervous knots. “I don’t kiss and tell. So don’t worry about it. See ya outside” you pursed your lips with a heavy heart and walked out.

///

Jimin really wanted to punch something. His hand curled and uncurled with the urge, his palm itched in the most irritating manner. Yet he couldn’t do anything because he was at this stupid party and he had done something he promised himself never to do again. He hated how lost of control he felt around you. He hated how his emotions, his feelings, thoughts, hormones, mind, everything defied logic and reasoning in your presence.

He promised himself he would ignore you and try to have a good time. He promised himself he would never kiss you again. He was supposed to tell you he thought you were someone else and that all this was a mistake. That he didn’t want to kiss you, and he never meant to-- atleast tonight he did not want to.  Yet there he was stuck in that stupid moment as you stared at him doe eyed, breathy and looking effortlessly beautiful with a slight blush painting your cheeks. And he caved in. That is all it took.

He felt like a fool because clearly you didn’t want it. You thought it was a giant mistake and if even if you hadn’t said it he still would have figured it out given how you carried a look of regret on your face. He wasn’t an idiot. He was used to attention from girls, he knew what interest looked like and he also knew what disappointment looked like because many a times he had the same look on his face when he woke up to a random stranger in the morning. To him you looked despondent and not happy at all.

He couldn’t tell what he was supposed to feel because on the one hand he knew you went in for the kiss too, but on the other hand you didn’t seem to think much of it except that it shouldn’t have happened. So was he supposed to feel relieved that you didn’t reciprocate his feelings since it might just give him the push to move on, or was he supposed to feel despair and hurt  about the matter?

He ran a hand through his hair, paired with a long sigh as he flopped on the bed with slumped shoulders. He was defeated. He had no idea what to think or do. He came to the party thinking he could ignore you since he found himself a date, for lack of a better word. Bethany wasn’t half bad. She was someone he could have an actual conversation with other than sex. In fact he was having fun talking to her about sports and music. Although he didn’t know the names of most of the artists she talked about, he liked that she had her own interests.

In fact when he pulled you into the room thinking it was her, he was ready to forget about you by giving into his old ways. He was going to have a good time so that for once he could think about someone else. He even went so far as to envision himself with her, whether as a distraction or because of genuine interest in her as a person he wasn’t sure. Because he did like her. The only problem was : he didn’t like her as much as you. Not nearly enough.

He had never felt so confused in his life before. He hated it because he didn’t feel like himself. He never cared about what you thought of him. He knew you hated him and to an extent he was okay with it. But now it bothered him.

“Fuck. Shit” he swore under his breath as he shook his head at himself.

He couldn’t hide in the room forever. He would have to go out at some point so he tried to shake everything off, all the tension, and pretend that everything was fine.

Stepping out of the confines of the room he felt like it was a whole new world. The storm raged outside, as it did within him too. He walked down the steps and into the living room area where most people were gathered. He found Bethany who was sitting with Yoongi, Tae, Jeongguk, Hoseok, and you. He had half a mind to turn around but he decided he wouldn’t torture himself like this.

“Where the hell were you man?” Taehyung questioned immediately

“I was taking a smoke” he gave a lopsided half-hearted smile as he sat down while glancing at you. But you weren’t looking at him. Instead your eyes were cast down on your lap while you fidgeted with your hands. He gulped hard before looking away.

“You’re gonna kill yourself” Jeongguk scoffed a bit bitterly and Jimin knew it was because he hated this habit of his. But smoking helped him relax despite him knowing what it would do to his lungs.

“I’d rather” Jimin gave a bittersweet chuckle and glanced your way to find you looking at him already with that doe eyed expression of concern. His heart skipped a beat-- literally. He watched as you looked away from him and focused your attention on your lap once again but this time fixing your gaze onto your phone.

“Woah. What’s wrong with you?” Taehyung asked concerned as he looked over at Yoongi, the two men exchanging a look. Jimin caught it but let go of it. He already had too much to think about.

“Nothing. I mean we’re all going to die one day anyway” he shrugged.

“Come. Have a seat” Bethany patted the empty spot next to herself and without a second of hesitation Jimin sat down next to her.  Her hand wrapped around Jimin’s arm and she leaned her head on his shoulder. For some reason it gave way to him glancing at you only to be disappointed by your lack of interest. A small part of him hoped you would react somehow, that you might feel hurt or disappointed, maybe even jealous. But you hadn’t even raised your head.

///

Your insides were turning at the sight of some other girl wrapped around Jimin’s arm. You hated how comfortable they looked and on instinct whether to get his attention or a reaction you laid your head on Hoseok’s shoulder who was sitting next to you. Instantly you were met with Jimin’s eyes on you, shifting focus between you and Hoseok. A small smirk lifted at the corner of your lips seeing as it did the trick, but the smirk fell as soon as his arm wrapped around Bethany’s shoulder, all the while his eyes bore into yours, almost mockingly-- the implication of which you understood very well.. You diverted your eyes to your lap, feeling foolish for even trying because it was a game Jimin knew how to play very well.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok questioned curiously, causing you to abandon your focus on Jimin.

“Yeah. I am just tired” you replied without raising your head. You felt him nod his head and that was the end of it. Other than Jimin no one had really paid attention to you, and your sudden intimacy with Hoseok. He didn’t seem to mind either, if anything you felt his body relaxing with your touch.

“Okay since everyone is here we’re gonna play a game of dares, just to spice things up a little” Namjoon winked. “No truth because it’s boring”

A couple of people chuckled and agreed.

“Form a circle” Namjoon prompted and everyone pushed their chairs and couches back and sat on the floor so a giant circle formed.

“There are some racy dare’s in here so if you wanna back out you should do that right now” Taehyung chimed in as he put a bowl of chits in the middle. He looked around the circle but no one backed out so he nodded. “Right then. Here are the rules. If the mouth of the bottle points towards you, you have to pick a slip from this bowl and do the dare that is written on it. Simple right?”

Everyone nodded.

“Right I am going to spin the bottle” Taehyung spoke and spun the green beer bottle in the middle.

You watched in anticipation with a racing heart as it spun round and round. It slowed down a little and with a tiny squeak against the hardwood floor, the mouth of the bottle pointed at Yoongi.

“Yay!!!” Namjoon beamed as he got up and picked the bowl from the center and held it towards Yoongi.

Rubbing his hands together the older boy picked a slip and handed it to Namjoon.

“Give a lap dance to the person on your left” Namjoon announced and was met with whistles and cheers from the group because sitting on his left was none other than Min Yeong, the President of the student magazine club.

“Sorry” Yoongi chuckled at her as he stood up and Taehyung quickly put a chair in the middle and sat Min Yeong down on it. She was completely red faced and his her face behind her hands while laughing.

Slow music began somewhere in the room and Yoongi stepped towards Min Yeong with the most predatory expression ever. He slyly licked his lips all the while keeping his gaze on her. She was so red you thought she would faint. You had never seen Yoongi this way. He was so serious all the time and the fact that he even agreed to do this without protestation was hard to process.

He turned around so his back was facing her and he dipped his back to give her the perfect view of his ass. A few wolf whistles went around the group. For the first time in the past few weeks you found yourself giggling without any stress or preoccupation in mind. A couple of people had taken their phone’s out to record the moment.

You caught Jimin’s eye briefly but looked away quickly since you recalled your make out session. Unconsciously your hand landed on the spot where he had softly bitten your flesh. You felt a small bruise and looking down you could see the red mark clearly. You looked around to see if anyone was paying attention to you but most people were busy with watching Yoongi’s performance.

There was only one person out of the others who was watching you, intently.

Jimin.

You made haste of pulling the sweatshirt up to hide the mark, and as you glanced at him you could see a small smirk at the corner of his lips. The room felt hot all of a sudden and you had to fan yourself with your hand.

The group broke out into an applause as Yoongi’s performance ended. You blinked out of your thoughts to focus on the present moment and joined in with everyone else, although you didn’t see much.

“Thank you for that great performance Yoongi. I am sure Min Yeong is going to have a story to tell later on” Namjoon winked and spun the bottle.

You watched again with nervousness and hoped it wouldn’t land on you. If you had to kiss h one more person you would run away from there. But thankfully the bottle spun past you and landed on none other than Jimin. He glanced at the bottle and then at you before he was being pulled into the center of the circle by Taehyung.

He ruffled his hand through the bowl and picked a slip. Handing it to Taehyung, he waited. You saw Taehyung’s eyes widen as he read the dare. It made you curious and you wanted to know what Jimin would have to do. It was not eagerness rather anxiety because you knew it couldn’t be anything good.

“Kiss the person to your left” Taehyung read and your heart sank because to his left was Bethany.

She giggled coyly and without a second of hesitation stood up and joined Jimin in the middle of the circle. He looked at you briefly as you did him. Once again there was some cheering from the group as everyone urged them on.

“Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss” they kept chanting with fervour.

She stepped towards him and your heart lurched. Your breath caught in your throat as you watched the scene with horrifying anxiety. Your mouth dried and the sight in front of you blurred momentarily before it cleared up again.

Her hands wrapped behind his neck and her face inched closer to his painfully slow. She was savoring the moment. Jimin didn’t back out either which made you want to sock him. Their lips were inches apart when a great sense of urgency took hold of you.

“Wait!” you stood up abruptly, heart pounding mercilessly in your chest as they stopped and all eyes focused on you. You could only hear your heartbeat in your ears and feel a cold sweat running down your neck and hands. “I uh… I---” you tried to think of something to say but drew a blank.

Your eyes focused on Jimin and he stared right back at you. “I-- I have something to say” you gulped although your mouth was as dry as sandpaper. “I just wanted to say….that….I…” you paused trying to buy time to find an excuse of some sort and then light bulb lit up “ I think we should congratulate our soccer team for winning. I don’t think we did that yet” you finished with a sigh of relief. Everyone was silent as they looked at you which made your anxiety and embarrassment worse. You ducked your head to shield yourself from their stares because it was awkward enough as it was.

“I agree” you looked up upon hearing Jimin’s voice. “We haven’t given a proper toast to them” Jimin looked at you.

Yoongi watched you curiously and stood up. “I agree too”

“Me three” Taehyung said next and then Jeongguk agreed as well.

“You all have your drinks with you right?” Namjoon looked around and everyone nodded. “So let’s raise a toast to our wonderful soccer team for winning this game for us and maintaining the pride of our college. To the soccer team”

“To the soccer team” everyone raised their drinks with a cheer.

///

You had decided to stay back and help with cleaning up as the party ended. The whole place was littered with cups and beer cans. WIth the trash bag in one hand and glove on the other you picked up the cups and put them in the bag. Most of the guys were in the backyard helping clean the pool area.

“That was smart of you” you heard a voice behind you and gasped in surprise. Turning around you saw Jimin sitting on the kitchen counter.

“You scared me” you held a hand on your heart

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to” he replied

“What are you doing here?” you questioned, realizing you couldn’t look at him for longer than a second without giving way to nervousness. So you turned back around and began collecting the trash again.

“It’s cold outside and they don’t need help” he said curtly before falling silent. You felt thankful for his short replies because it meant you didn’t have to answer since it cut the conversation off. “I am curious about something” he said.

You stopped with picking up the trash to face him. “Whatever it is, I am sure I am the wrong person to ask”

“You’re the only person to ask” he stepped off the counter and made his way towards you.

“W-what?” you asked as he approached.

“Why did you suddenly think of the toast” he stopped in front of you, hands folded behind his back and curious lingering look in his eyes.

“S-s-suddenly? I don’t know what you mean” you averted your gaze down.

“It wasn’t like that was the only time to bring it up. Just as Bethany and I were about to kiss” his voice a bit on the raspy end as he dropped his voice an octave lower. Was he trying to be intimidating?

You scoffed, trying to cover up your embarrassment “What the hell are you trying to say?“

“That you didn’t want me to kiss Beth” he said as a matter of factly

Beth? So she’s Beth now?

You guffawed, rather awkwardly. “ You think I said that because I-- I didn’t want you to kiss her? Why would I do that?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I want to know. Why did you do that”

“You are in way over your head Jimin. It didn’t mean anything” you turned back around and began cleaning again.

“I guess I’ll go kiss her now then” he paused. “Beth wait!” you heard him behind you and whipped around to face him. Unfortunately, for you he was standing there with no sign of Bethany anywhere. A wave of embarrassment washed over you and your cheeks began to heat up as you realized he was teasing you. You shouldn’t have turned around. This was bad.

He smirked satisfactorily as he regarded you with amusement. “You’ve been caught miss y/n” he took a step forward and dipped his head to your level. “As for your punishment”, he leaned in and pressed a kiss at the corner of your lips, lingering for a few seconds before pulling away. He promptly turned around and strode outside in the backyard in all his glory, leaving you a red-faced mess.

“I hate you Park Jimin,” you said in a breathless manner,  dropping the trash bag and placing the back of your hands against your hot cheeks. “I really hate you”

Let me know your thoughts!! Don’t forget to click that heart and to reblog! Thank you for reading :)

[napoleoninrags]

Worth a read for better understanding of the child detention centers and the profiteers behind them. I truly appreciate the research and documentation.

So I decided to do a little research into the $750/day figure I’d heard a private company was charging the US government per each detained migrant child. I wanted to, with my own eyes and brain, 1. verify this figure was accurate; 2. verify it was indeed a private company instead of a non-profit charging this, if true, as both have managed these detention centers (not that it really matters, ultimately, but stay with me); 3. try to figure out where this per diem sum — more than my monthly mortgage — was going, if not to even buy these tortured children toothbrushes and soap, which are about the cheapest basic necessities on the market, and which no individual has to replace every day.

$750/person A DAY should cover a lot of necessities, right? Right. So where the hell is all this money going? This can’t be true...

Well here’s what I found:

1. Yes, it’s a private company called Comprehensive Health Services (a subsidiary of Caliburn International). CHS operates the largest child migrant detention center, which is in FL and was already getting horrible press — especially from local FL papers — last year. But that didn’t matter, because CHS recently opened up a few more child prisons in TX, as it snagged a new government contract, despite many documented concerns about conditions there.

2. $750/day per child is an accurate sum of CHS’s CLAIMED operating costs, and what our federal tax dollars are paying for. A sum that was agreed to upon award of the contract. In fact, it was actually on the record as $775 last summer.

3. So where is this money going, you wonder, if not to soap and toothbrushes? Yeah, I did too, and it was quite easy to dig up. CHS, via Caliburn, is controlled by the private equity firm DC Capital Partners. For those of you who don’t know how private equity firms work, look it up, or ask me in the comments.

4. While I would not be able to find out vested shareholders in the DCCP portfolio, we do not have to assume they’re making some nice returns on these CHS operations and government contracts that line their pockets instead of covering even basic human needs for children. That’s clear, because why would a private company keep their costs down so low that they completely disregard humanity, even though they say they’re experts in “healthcare?”

PROFIT. FOR THEIR PRIVATE INVESTORS.

5. While I can’t name for you the private investors getting rich off of this humanitarian crisis, I can name for you members of the advisory board of DCCP, which approves everything in the portfolio.

First up: Trump’s former Chief of Staff, John Kelly, who was named to the board LAST MONTH, and photographed riding a golf cart into a CHS child prison. So with his own eyes, he saw the conditions there. And he was cool with it all, because hey, there’s money to be made for his rich investor friends, and maybe even himself! Who knows! Can’t say for sure, so feel free to reasonably assume what you wish. I’m just stating facts here.

Coincidentally, prior to joining Trump in the WH, he was also a paid lobbyist for DCCP. Hmmmm...

6. So next up on the DCCP board: Richard L. Armitage, former U.S. deputy secretary of state; Michael Corbin; former ambassador to the United Arab Emirates; Michael V. Hayden, former director of the Central Intelligence Agency and of the National Security Agency; Donald M. Kerr Jr., former deputy director of science and technology at the CIA; Anthony C. Zinni, former commander-in-chief of the U.S. Central Command and former U.S. Envoy to the Middle East; and Stephen F. Loftus, former director of the Office of the Budget for the United States Navy.

Are y’all seeing any patterns here?

7. Michael Hayden, last June, said on the record he sees “commonality” between Nazi Germany’s separation of children at concentration camps and the Trump administration policy that is forcing children to be separated from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border.

"I know we’re not Nazi Germany, alright. But there is a commonality there, and a fear on my part ... We have standards we have to live up to,” Hayden told CNN’s “New Day.”

It appears he left those standards at the boardroom door, along with many other individuals that dance with greed and corruption on the line of the private and public sectors COMPLETELY UNCHECKED.

8. Last month, the same month Kelly got his new gig, the government awarded CHS a brand new, hush-hush contract worth $341 million, even though there had been tons of pressure to close it due to its conditions.

THERE WAS NO COMPETITIVE BIDDING FOR THE CONTRACT, and it happened under the radar.

9. Just two months before this, in March, CHS/Caliburn cancelled its IPO after registering with the SEC to sell $100m public shares. The CEO cited “market forces,” yet made it clear the company was thriving and growing.

——————

I’ll leave you to come to your own conclusions about all of this, or do more research. And I’ll post a ton of sources in the comments for those who actually think this administration is “draining the swamp,” or who want to debate the semantics of whether these ”centers” can reasonably be called child concentration camps or not without offending some non-brown people.

And for those of you who think children don’t deserve the most basic human rights because they’re not American: There’s a special place in hell for you, and I imagine hell to be a whole lot like this situation.

For those of you who are cool lining the pockets of private citizens in DC with YOUR tax dollars while dirty, hungry, sick children live imprisoned and stacked in cages without even a dime of your money going to pay for soap and toothbrushes for these kids like it was supposed to: I’m ashamed to share this country with you as legal citizens, and I think you’re disgustingly dumb. We failed you, too, but at least you got to go to school when you were a kid, and didn’t spend childhood dying in a cage.

America, NONE OF THIS IS OK. WAKE UP.

——————

FRIDAY NIGHT UPDATE (!!)

1. As mentioned upon writing this, I originally posted my sources at the beginning of the comments thread at time of publishing -- before it became a large discussion. For your convenience and further reading, I am now moving my sources here + some extra homework for everyone to do (no particular order):

https://www.bloomberg.com/profile/company/CLBR:US

https://www.miamiherald.com/news/local/immigration/article229744049.html

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/john-kelly-joins-board-of-caliburn-international-company-operating-largest-unaccompanied-migrant-children-shelter/

https://news.littlesis.org/2019/02/13/wall-street-banks-former-defense-officials-looking-to-cash-in-on-child-detentions/?fbclid=IwAR3VPG3U1VqOlHvAus6mZwT5X42YR0946O-9ALtwFh-P-2i8P_ZxLQ8QvwE

https://thehill.com/latino/392727-hayden-sees-commonality-between-zero-tolerance-border-policy-and-nazi-germany?fbclid=IwAR1XcPVz72-f1ju70gdibR-H6-3tI8dOh_9yqfjZtNx-kfQJb6AMuf-gemI

https://www.npr.org/2019/02/13/694175061/florida-shelter-is-scrutinized-for-the-way-it-handles-migrant-children?fbclid=IwAR2Sq1vPOSLs0LPxkI6723lMKipsI12orZWMqxSzw9kqUqqTfM18gpo6xaU

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/21/us/migrant-shelters-border-crossing.html

https://heavy.com/news/2019/05/caliburn-international/?fbclid=IwAR1tsUMn2noGPGWEZxdwOlGwwCj-eDjaIR2I2pCNPd6qgehjCKs0lJpIJuQ

https://www.thedailybeast.com/doj-is-investigating-whether-us-payoffs-to-iraqi-officials-opened-the-door-for-isis?fbclid=IwAR2fXGNE328gvAi6bp7mD7SzKYo5wCY-x2lODw4fKDNrssupd-FGcOfmjnY

https://thebaffler.com/latest/retirement-brought-to-you-by-prisons-inc?fbclid=IwAR3STKgqiMOtVUho4QPq21zXRNovBl8_gvKpFdX3rUWahrOuZmBLJ9pO_m0

https://www.floridatoday.com/story/news/local/2018/06/20/cape-canaveral-detention-center/717375002/

https://www.chsmedical.com/compliance

The people have spoken, so hope that helps you all wrap your minds around this in a more complete and credible way. Thank you to all who have participated in civil dialogue and shared this post. Let's keep it constructive, as we do not need to be even more destructive than the current situation.

2. THE POST IS ALREADY PUBLIC + SHAREABLE. Please do not ask me if you can share it -- I made it public, which is why you can see it. You should be able to share the original version. If you can't, refresh your app, run your updates or make sure you aren't still viewing a friend's protected share of the original itself. There is no possible way I can instruct all individuals on how to share it -- but I appreciate all of you who are moved by these words, and want to raise awareness about this distressing situation.

3. Your concern has given me hope. Do your homework. Look into your group investment portfolios, pensions, etc. Know where your money is invested. Call your legislators. Do anything but freak out to the point of being unproductive and histrionic. DO ANYTHING BUT BE AWFUL TO EACH OTHER.

Thank you. We are in this together.

[trixter-i-am]

A year has passed since the beginning of my experiment.

I can say it was the most productive year of my life. And the experiment gave me some unexpected results, though unnoticeable at first.

I turned to vegan lifestyle a year ago, on October 1.

Even when I was a vegetarian, I had heard a lot of stories about how hard it was to be a vegan, how limited vegetable food was, and how bloggers return to vegetarianism or even meat. But none of these bloggers could give real reasons or evidence that vegetable nutrition is not effective for athletes, is detrimental or harmful to health. These people took veganism as a diet, at the same time spreading stories about the everlasting lack of vitamin B12 for everyone who denies meat. They wanted to lose weight by going vegan or pursued religious goals, which led to disappointment for many of them.

Personally I made this decision for other reasons. Many years of vegetarianism soothed my conscience. I wasn’t very interested in the news about farms. I didn’t know exactly how dairy products are made, how poultry farms work. I didn���t seriously think about the effect such nutrition makes to my body. I was sure that milk and eggs are rich sources of nutrients, and for some reason cow or goat milk is just perfect for human food. It seemed to be something like a healing elixir, discovered after examining nature. I thought that it was possible to eat dairy products if animals were kept in ethical conditions, such as, for example, beloved cows in villages.

But is it really possible? The crucial information for me was the truth about the catastrophic ecological effect of animal agriculture and the point of no return on the consumption of Earth resources. In 2017, on August 2, we had exhausted the yearly resources of the Earth. Making humans vegan is one of the main solutions to this problem.

I revised my diet and replaced my old habits with new ones.

I no longer eat my favorite cheese and drink cocktails with cow's milk, but I eat a lot of seitan, lentils, tofu, mushrooms and soy, which is no less tasty, but just different. I have chosen for myself the ideal options of vegetable milk. I have a favorite milk brand. In the mornings I continue to eat so-called smoothie bowls, but with slightly different ingredients. I continue to drink my favorite cocoa. Well, I don’t eat milk porridge now, but I don’t miss it either. I don’t regret parting with pizza.

Definitely my diet has become healthier and much more diverse. I didn’t gain weight this year and didn’t lose much weight, but I didn’t go to gym as much as before. Outwardly, I wouldn’t say I noticed any serious changes. I eat as much and as tasty as before, tried a bunch of new flavors and products. I expected my skin to be perfectly smooth. I expected that I would shine and heal from all diseases. Perhaps there should be more time for impressive and striking changes. I understand that there can be no miracles in a disgustingly dirty city and with my quite chaotic working schedule.

But there was something that surprised me a lot.

I got rid of a long-standing problem torturing me from my childhood. Given that, at a conscious age, I began to visit doctors and persistently look for the cause. I have a whole range of gastrointestinal diagnoses, and I was tormented by bloating, despite the relatively healthy lifestyle. I rarely drank, did not smoke, tried to adhere to the correct diet and sports, and regularly treated seasonal disorders. But the problem resumed. In 4 months from the beginning of veganism, my stomach became soft and did not bother me anymore. I can’t say what was the exact reason, since I also had to adjust the portions. But it seems that my issue was precisely in animal proteins and fats.I did not have such problems with vegetable food, regardless of its complexity. Mushrooms, legumes - everything is digested well.

Most unexpected result of becoming vegan is that I stopped catching colds in autumn and winter. Although before my veganism I could get sick in May, and in September, it was enough to shudder a bit or talk to sick people. I caught cold several times during the autumn-winter-spring season all my life, as I can remember. Always took day off from kindergarten and school, then endured colds on the run or lay at home for weeks. My most amazing result - I haven’t got ill this year at all!

Small nice bonus - I became lighter and faster. I became less tired. It doesn’t feel as if you yanked a giant cup of coffee or an energy drink. Just after a long period, you notice how physical activity became more bearable, how much more energy you have, you even take the stress relatively easier. And it’s not my body eating itself because of alleged protein lack, as some coaches believe. My body always has something to chew on - I won’t ever deprive myself of food.

I assume my immune system has somehow improved, and I no longer need to go to an immunologist to solve unsolvable problems. I don’t have to take several types of antibiotics for obscure chronic disorders, and then immunomodulators to help my body cope with the aftermath.

Surely, food doesn’t fix all the issues. We all should take tableted vitamins and microelements periodically, because no diet in the world can provide the perfect delivery of substances. But nutrition as the basis of life decides a lot. In the near future, I am going to pass control tests and check my blood for important microelements’ volumes.

At this stage, I feel good and find logic in all my reasons for becoming vegan. If I have health problems, I will look for causes in other areas, adjust my diet with a wide variety and the right combination of plant foods. And now it’s hard for me to imagine that I would return to eating animal products. Let's see how healthy and energetic I will be in a few years and whether I can avoid chronic meat-eating diseases.