#also ​it makes way more sense for knives to be the naive one as a kid

[ocdhuacheng]

This is so funny how can you say vash was out of character in the manga as a kid bc

1) it’s literally the original form of media for trigun. If anything 98 and stampede vash were out of character as kids

2) I don’t know if you realize this but vash is 150 years old and has gone through several lifechanging events and revelations and I think that is enough to change how he acts at different points in his life. He is not the same person 150 years later as he was as a kid.

3) “knives should have stabbed rem” he was too busy being in a coma

[anxiety-elemental-kay]

TriMax Vol. 2 and Wolfwood

First want to shout out to everyone participating in the book club!! I’m getting so much more out of this reread of TriMax, thanks to listening to everyone’s thoughts as we read along! I’m seeing things in a new light and getting details I never spotted before! I’m so grateful we get to dissect such a meaty story and characters together, because there’s so much and so many legit ways to interpret things! We love us all some deep space planet future gun LITERATURE around here!

Okay, now, I promised to have some actual THOUGHTS, and now just share funny panels, so here’s something that stood out to me: watching Wolfwood’s arc unfold and his growing understanding of who Vash is and what his goals are.

In volume 2 of Trigun, Wolfwood felt like a character whose story got truncated by the manga being dropped by the publisher. He clearly had a backstory and was going to play an important role, but Shenanigans meant whatever those original plans were didn't pan out. So instead we hit TriMax Vol1 and this relative stranger is the one who pulls Vash out of retirement. It’s pretty strange, and it must be extra strange if you’ve never seen either anime adaptation, which both expand on Vash and Wolfwood’s interactions and relationships before Vash hits his Eriks era. In that case it makes more sense for Wolfwood to go after Vash, by then an old friend, but I’m not going to give TriMax too much of a hard time, since, again, publishing Fuckery. And really it’s not handled poorly or anything, it’s just strange.

Anyway, Wolfwood’s role in Vol1 seems to be as an external force to push Vash along when he’d Rather Not, and to serve as a contrast/dissenting voice against Vash’s optimism and philosophy. See the family feud/hostage taking in particular. Wolfwood constantly argues that Vash is naive or trying to save everyone, and selfish for trying to not get his hands dirty. Given what Wolfwood (and the reader) know about Vash at this point, it’s an understandable conclusion to make. Even when his adoptive home and family were in danger, Vash didn’t do anything to stop the violence, to the point of trying to downplay the sexual harassment of a child. Vash didn’t push back against the bandits until Wolfwood pushed him. Why would Wolfwood believe Vash is anything other than a holier-than-thou prick who is too cowardly to make the kinds of choices Wolfwood’s had to make? (And though we didn’t know what those were at the time, Wolfwood clearly spoke from experience.)

Then we have Vash intervene in the family feud/hostage crisis, with his new red coat and everything. He uses his reputation to clear out the civilians, then his uncanny abilities to take out most of the hostiles without killing them, until he is confronted with the grieving father about to kill his daughter’s murderer. This is *exactly* the kind of situation Wolfwood warned him about, about family willing to take up violence if their loved ones are hurt, about having to make a deadly choice and become the devil. And we see Vash struggle! He empathizes with the father’s desire for revenge, directly mirrored against Vash’s own grief over Rem and hatred of his brother! But he chooses to intervene anyway, choosing not to beg for the murderer’s life, but for the father to not commit a terrible crime. In the end no one dies, and by not continuing the cycle of violence that led to his daughter’s death, the father is also spared. Vash found another way out.

This is the first time Wolfwood witnessed a demonstration of Vash’s philosophy in practice, proof that it’s about more than just ‘killing is wrong’, it’s also about empathy, and stopping future violence before it an happen.

Which brings us to Vol.2, where we really start to understand more about Wolfwood.

We know he’s a Gung-Ho-Gun, and we know he witnessed the Fifth Moon for himself, so the audience knows why he knows about Knives, and can guess why he’s helping Vash (since their goal is now ‘eternal suffering’). We know he doesn’t particularly want to be there, so what brought him here? He dreams of the kids at the orphanage he’s referenced before, begging their big brother to hold him, only for Wolfwood to smile sadly, then hold up his bloody hands and say he has no right to hug them anymore.

And then after Wolfwood kills Rai-dei, we get one of the most stunning panels in the manga.

And by stunning I do mean that literally. Every time I’ve read this volume, I have to stop for a moment when I hit this page. Others have talked about its composition in detail, so I won’t dig too much into it here. This is such a pivotal scene for both characters, their understandings of each other, and as a setup for Future Stuff.

Wolfwood has just seen Vash do something stupid and naive AGAIN, but turning his back to Rai-dei, who was about to attack Vash again. Wolfwood killed Rai-dei to protect Vash, then Vash lashed out in anger, saying he wasn’t going to go through with the attack. Probably. Wolfwood, fucking pissed about all this, demands Vash shoot him if he thinks what Wolfwood did was wrong. Wolfwood believes that Vash needs to dirty his hands, to become a demon (like Wolfwood has) in order to save people, and anything else is childish nonsense. In this moment he says he’s willing to give up his life if that means Vash would become the kind of person Wolfwood believes he has to be.

Then Vash plays his reverse uno, saying that he sees Wolfwood as the coward in this moment, for valuing his life so little, for being so ready to give up hope and toss his own life away. He sees Wolfwood has someone who was forced to play a role he never wanted, to become someone he didn’t want to be.

Vash reads Wolfwood like a book, and it disarms the situation. (Empathy again plays a role in ending a violent conflict!)

We already got a sense that Wolfwood is someone who loves very deeply, we saw that in the dream with the orphans. We see in that same dream that he’s someone who’s willing to bloody his hands, and hates himself for it. The next chapter opens with a flashback of child Wolfwood being shot for the first time, and as he suffers horrific pain, says that he thinks for the first time (!!!) that he didn’t want to die.

We see next chapter that this conflict gets under Wolfwood’s skin, he’s still thinking about it, even thinking that Vash putting others’ live above his own “makes me sick”. The next time we see them talk about ethics is on the way to Vash’s home while they’re in the cable car, Wolfwood reiterating that he has to make the choices he does because he has (human) limits. Then Vash admits that he doesn’t know if his way is the right one! In a moment of vulnerability we haven’t seen until now, Vash shares his doubts about his philosophy. In response, Wolfwood says nothing. He doesn’t take the moment to pry open the crack in the armor Vash shows him, just listens.

In this volume we’re starting to see the shape of Wolfwood’s story arc, of his conflict with Vash, and a growing understanding between them. I won’t say more to avoid story spoilers, but this volume does such a good job of planting the seeds of future arcs for both characters, with the “Shoot” scene in particular coming back in a big way more than once.

What I love LOVE about Trigun is that it’s not interested in determining who is morally superior, because moral absolutes do not exist. The narrative doesn’t put down Wolfwood’s philosophy, and though we see Vash succeed in his efforts to save people without loss of life, we see him fail just as often, if not more. Trigun invites us to understand why these people believe the world works a certain way, and how those ideas clash with reality. This is something that becomes much stronger later, we’re still very early in the story, but it’s something to keep in mind going forward.

One last thing to note, though it’s not as strong a thread in this volume, is that alongside Wolfwood’s growing understanding of Vash, is his growing fear of his inhumanity. We know Wolfwood witnessed the Fifth Moon, and that’s one thing, but we know from Wolfwood’s internal thoughts that Vash being inhuman is something that’s always on his mind, and always plays a factor when they’re arguing. To Wolfwood it’s the thing that separates them as people, Wolfwood has human limits, and Vash doesn’t, and that’s the only reason Vash can believe  and behave the way he does. (Is he right? That’s a question for the future). This is also the chapter where he gets a closer look at Vash’s power, where he sees Vash CRY BLOOD, and then a wave of darkness paralyzes Wolfwood, and Vash emits some kind of blast or wave that doesn’t hurt or damage anything, but frightens both Wolfwood and Leonof. Again, this is a bigger factor later, but it’s worth remembering that Wolfwood is tackling his perception of Vash as monstrous and dangerous alongside his more emotional understanding of who Vash is.

That’s all for now. That’s a lot of words and I don’t have the energy to go back and edit this, so if you see typos, no you didn’t.

[icanseethefuture333]

Can I ask you to do a little reading on Chris evans and Ana de armas bond? How they saw each other in the beginning when they first worked together in knives out and how they see each other now, what’s their bond like, what do they think of their current correspondent partners. Thank you angel !

Chris Evan's first impression of Ana De Armas:

For Chris' first impressions of Ana, he could of saw her as the embodiment of Taurus characteristics: Serene, down to earth, and tenacious. Very feminine and poised. It could of been obvious to him as well she was a foreigner and that peaked his interest? Chris wanted to learn more about her culture and what her traditions were. "You're breaking my heart here." I believe he sees her beauty and charm as something that would potentially hurt him. Or, this could mean he asked her out and she rejected him.

Channeled song:

Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John & Kiki Dee

Ana De Armas' first impression of Chris Evans:

"He is always surrounded by beautiful and luxurious women". Ana could see Chris as someone who is a playboy - Wealthy, flirtatious, and attractive. (NSFW) She could of heard things about his sex life or was curious about it 😭? She is sexually attracted to him. Ana finds Chris to be very funny as well. She finds his optimism, good sense of humor, and sunny disposition cute, charming, and infectious. She also finds him to be childish.

Current thoughts of each other:

Left is Chris. Center is their shared thoughts. Right is Ana.

So obviously... there is romantic tension between them. Chris has been trying for a while now for this relationship to happen, but Ana is just not interested. She is a wish fulfillment for him, is he manifesting her? Seems so. Ana is more focused on her career and accomplishing her goals. She sees Chris as someone who's popular and successful, but she is unsure if this is the energy she wants to be around long term. "I don't want people to say I am famous because of him, I wish to make my own success, I will not let a man take that away from me." Good for Ana, honestly 😳. Xenophobia and misogyny in the entertainment industry are also the major factors as to why she's rejecting Chris. Ana doesn't want to be accused of "sleeping her way to the top", she feels that will continue a harmful stereotypes/beliefs about hispanic/latina women. This is something Chris is not understanding and acting naive to because of his privileges. He is just focusing more on the fact he wants to be with her vs the concerns she has. "If we're happy then who cares what other people think?"

Their opinions about each other's partners:

Left is Chris. Center is their shared thoughts. Right is Ana.

"You chose him over me?!" Chris is jealous of Ana's partner. He is very opinionated about their relationship honestly, so I will just leave it at that 💀. He feels her partner is in the way.

Something sneaky is afoot... I'm getting a vision of a phone, they could be send each other like late night texts? There is a sense of not wanting to get caught. I'm getting Chris is the one overall who is reaching out to her and Ana is not having it. She doesn't wish to reveal her feelings to him. Ana doesn't like the idea of being vulnerable. There goes that Taurus energy lol. She is very stubborn. "Why would I care about his partner? I have a job to do". Ana is too busy focusing on her bag then worrying about what that man does. This could also mean she's using work as a way to avoid reality.

Channeled songs:

Creep by TLC

On The Hotline by Pretty Ricky

The Other Woman by Lana Del Rey

She Works Hard For The Money by Donna Summer

[sourtoasterstrudel]

I’ve been on a magical girl kick recently so i wanted to share these slightly older madoka magica au doodles I made. I’d love to draw more magical girls in the future because i have way too many ideas related to them.

This is technically also a genderbent au but it was required. Anyways i want to share my notes on the au

Kylie was approached about becoming a magical girl while her little sister was in the hospital, so her wish caused her to become more of a protector magical girl, with less focus on the strength of her weapons and more on the amount of them. She’s definitely the most agile of the girls, being able to fire a ton of daggers at enemies (similar to mami’s power but with knives? I dunno). She’s been doing this the second longest out of the group next to kelly. For a special ability thing I think she’d have some sort of like— anti gravity boots that let her walk on walls and shit

As for Stella, she’s the newest magical girl in town and I think she’d be the most naive of the group, especially surrounding how much power she has (I mean her wish was for her dad to disappear because she was angry with him, which she now regrets so making her be the most oblivious to how godlike some of their abilities are makes sense). Her weapon is bulky and not exactly the best for a beginner. Kylie tries to help out when she can but for the most part Stella just needs to figure out her fighting style by herself

Erica is of course still a selfish monster, which I had a lot of fun symbolizing in her soul gem (as I mention In the drawing it resembles a grief seed even in its regular form. Since the witches are the ‘corrupt’ versions of a magical girl I think Erica already starting off with that darkness in her makes sense). She has a fair amount of armour on her compared to the other girls, despite the fact magical girls can’t exactly get hurt, which I think kinda shows her self-centred nature. She knew Kylie before they became magical girls, and they were actually quite friendly, until Kylie got her abilities and Erica became envious. I think that when Erica becomes a witch, unlike the other magical girls, she’d have full control. It’d be like her final form instead of being a dark form (I think that that’s how her wish would be fulfilled. Her witch form is how she can be the most powerful magical girl). Dunno I thought far too into her design

Lastly Kelly. She signed her contract at 12, wishing for her family to be rich as an attempt at making her parents kinder. It fails but at least her and her siblings have nice things now (right?). Even in her magical girl form she keeps her more thrifty diy style she adopted as a kid, hanging grief seeds off of her coat as decoration. She’s not the strongest of the group by any means but she is the one with the most experience which constantly benefits her. She has a special ability she calls her ‘second life’, which was a result of her wish. It essentially allows her to kill and clone her body as like— a defence mechanism (I don’t know if that makes sense). Her witch form, Midas, is a representation of her greed and hopes that money would fix all of her problems.

I would add more but this is getting really long so if you read through all of this, I’m proud of you : )

[lurkingpuddle]

Tumblr won me over with pretty GIFs and amazing fanart to finally sit down and watch Trigun. I started with 1998 series, and it's really good.

God, it seems impossible to not love Vash. As a big time connoisseur of moody angsty characters, I enjoy spicing it up with positive angsty charactets. That's just a good subspecies. And the fact that he holds fast to his idealistic principals in all situations is rather inspiring. Normally I would find that kind of character annoying, because they are often played as naive fools who are detached from reality. But Vash has more depth than that, and he makes it work. With him it looks more like a true and earnest dream rather than delusion. I suppose it's not in small thanks to the fact that he is ready to pay big price and sacrifice so much of himself for the sake of that dream. Even thought Wolfwood wouldn't agree most of the time.

And god, Wolfwood. He plays so good against Vash. All of us is Woolfwood here, I feel. Like, being ready to choose a lesser evil (but evil nonetheless) in bad situations, when Vash would fight tooth and nail to get a third option. And I like how show portrays his methods as also legit options with acceptable outcomes from time to time. Or at least doesn't condemn him outright for the way he thinks. His logic Makes Sense, and it's not hard to agree with him when presented with similar situation.

In the trolley problem Wolfwood would pull the lever to kill one guy when Vash would shoot the trolley untill it derailed and fell on its side without killing anyone, basically.

Like, inside the limits of the problem Wolfwood is right, but in the wider scope Vash's solution is superior, and it requires thinking outside of the box. And a lot of bullets.

I still haven't finished the series, tho I am close. I wonder if Vash's idealism will hold when faced with someone who you just can't beat into submission without strangling them to death. You know, someone like Knives.

[succ-my-coke]

Trigun Stampede ep 1

-THIS CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR TRUGUN STAMPEDE!!!!-

I gotta say that the first episode of this remake is really living up to my hopes and dreams. While a shall forever be disappointed that it’s not a full redo I’ll be content with this I think. I’m gonna talk about my thoughts/feelings/observations about the new series and what’s different so far. THIS IS NOT A SUMMARY

Characters

1. Vash - I’m loving his characterization right off the bat, he’s goofy, kind, and has his serious moments, pretty true to his original character. I do like however that he doesn’t seem as jaded(so far) because they seem to be portraying him as younger than he was in the original. His introduction of a batshit evil laugh was amazing honestly. I had some initial issues with his redesign but I think it meshes well with the character. His arm being addressed and then instantly being used to make a joke was great honestly, very on brand. I think it’s really interesting that they are having him be more actively involved with the plants and their upkeep unlike the original where he only interfered occasionally.

2. Meryl - so far I feel like Meryl has been changed the most. She’s much younger in this, it’s called out specifically that she just graduated from a fancy school and seems to be very naive. Nothing at all like the original character. She does have her stubbornness and morals which is good and I think her over all character here will mesh well but may not be as bad ass and the original Meryl. Her design though is kickass and very reflective of how young she is

3. Roberto De Niro - A new character! One that I have nothing to compare against! I think he’s really ingesting so far. Obviously very jaded and aware of the how bad the world is but Al’s has some sense of morals. He doesn’t seem to be a reporter that cares about leads to much but he does know how to throw his status around and use it to help out.

4. Knives - we saw very little of him in this episode but what we did see was pretty cut and dry evil. He’s got and evil organ and some control over the wildlife of the planet, using it to spy on his brother. I did like the larger emphasis on him attempting to have Rem be saved as well as them. His design is extremely interesting when compared to Vash’s. Knives completely seems to embrace his inhuman tech side while Vash is trying very hard to look human.

Observations

1. I found the pacing interesting for the first episode. There’s already some man ikr things being addressed such as the plants and Knives and their connection to Vash. The new series obviously isn’t shying away from these things like the original material did and it makes me wonder about how the plot progression is going to go.

2. I am likening all things being used, the setting of Jenora rock and the references to the city of Julai (July I believe) and the direct reference to the Bad Lads gang. Speaking of which I am truly excited for the possibility or brilliant dynamites neon to be animated in this way I think it would be spectacular on all levels.

3. The people of jenora rock are used in two ways I think. 1. To show that Vash is a good guy and not what he seems to be despite his bounty. And he’s known for things despite his crimes. 2. That while the legend of the humanoid typhoon is widespread the bounty is not common knowledge.

4. The design for the plants are completely new as far as we’ve seen. I’m looking forward to seeing how they are going to address the design of the plants themselves, the original anime made them seem a little more monstrous than angelic and the manga was more angelic that human so I wonder agent they will look like. I also can’t wait to see what the red plant means.

5. The entire scene where Vash is begging for a bullet from anyone already shows so many things. The first being that Vash is a complete goof. The second being that Meryl has a strong sense of involvement with things, unlike her mentor. The third being that people are willing to help him even with his bounty, this being shown by Rosa giving a bullet to him. Also the scene is a great call back to the first episode of the original anime where something similar happens with Vash in a tight spot with no bullets however he has no one to help him out there.

Overall I’m really pleased with the start of the new adaptation and I’ll see you all on the 14th for episode 2!

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax volume 2:

Here’s some thought soup.

Turns out I was actually able to wait to read until this week lol. I’m glad I did. I have a feeling this is only going to get more depressing from here on and I’m gonna need the pacing for my mental health.

So just… everything about Wolfwood here. He’s already better realized than pretty much the entirety of 98, I think (<- biased). I said “what the Fuck” out loud several times during this volume which is always fun. I’m going to do a second read before posting this so I can keep my thoughts in better order.

1- It’s at this point I think that maybe I should check the tws for this manga lol. Did this bother me? Not really. Am I scared of the potential now? Yes. Yes I Am. (I see that damn hand gore warning for a late volume and I am Dreading that shit)

Vash just looks so… soft here? I want to squish his cheeks so bad. It’s the power of Loose Button Down at work. A good weapon to have in your arsenal.

I hate it when you can just. Tell he’s making a promise that the narrative won’t let him keep.

On a reread the end of this volume makes more sense. Are they all…? I hope the fuck not.

2- Legato is really just getting more animalistic. There’s something off about him/his survival instincts but it’s kind of impossible to tell Exactly what it is without reading that far ahead. (Speaking of how uh. Explicit is his backstory? Do I need to make myself a nice cup of tea for after I finish reading that volume???)

I really, really appreciate that the gung-ho guns aren’t as one note as I expected. I have to wonder what got them all here, individually?

I wonder what specifically Vash thinks about Wolfwood here, what he knows and what he doesn’t. Is he like, aware that he saw what happened with the moon? Vash isn’t stupid, so I’m sure the thought crossed his mind that Wolfwood could’ve been working with Knives, but he’s also dead fucking set on seeing the best in people. Stay tuned, I guess.

Calling Vash selfish… there’s something there. He does have a tendency to ignore what people want when it comes to this kind of thing- which, yeah, that’s fair when it comes to killing people, but it’s also kind of not his place. Thinking very hard about the other post i saw this week about the end of the last volume.

Another thought that comes to mind is the way Vash thinks he’d just be letting things happen (therefore had some responsibility) in a lot of situations despite it being entirely on someone else. He refuses to just let it be. It makes sense given what happened to Rem, but I still have. Thoughts. He makes me so fucking sad.

The way Vash just fucking shuts down when they threaten Lina. None of them deserve any of this it makes me feel gross and bad.

3- How did he forget about the arm gun. That shit is the most important thing to remember smh

Where’s that one post that’s like “world where guns exist and swords are useless except in the hands of this one guy”

Literally impossible to follow the action but the punchline lands ig lmao

4- god this hurts. He just wants people to live. He just wants to live.

I think a lot of what this is about is sunk-cost, like somebody else mentioned. Digging your heels in further even if you know you’re wrong. I see in the gung-ho guns, Knives especially, but also definitely Vash. I haven’t fully former my thoughts on Vash yet though, i have to see where he goes from here to really make any judgements

God fucking damn it wolfwood. I know it made sense but MAN.

I love how angry Vash is allowed to get in the manga. He can really be scary sometimes.

People can’t change their minds if they’re dead. I think that’s the easiest way to summarize it.

I love how fucked up they are <3

Vash isn’t naive. He’s smart and he’s got years of experience to back him up. I know this. This is proof of it. But damn sometimes he really is incomprehensible in a way that makes me need the reminder.

GORLS

Hitchhiking on nomansland stresses me out as a concept.

5- wolfwood is really gonna rip my heart out isn’t he

“Vash can’t drive” saga (you’d think he’d be good at it given his other skills. Exposure maybe? I doubt he has frequent access to that kind of thing.)

They’re both fucking exhausted and YET-

I need to start a counter of times when i stop to go “oh vash is so pretty in this panel” but it’d be well over half of these posts

THAT IS NOT ONE OF THOSE PANELS

God he’s just zombie-ing his way through this isn’t he

The fucking limp wristed gun is everything to me

The missile is eepy and neebies to sleeby

6- obsessed with this version of home aesthetically.

Vash really just wants to be left alone. Grumpy old man.

Seriously though im in love with this whole setup. It’s beautiful.

It feels kind of illegal to be here though. Like we’re revisiting something that should be long gone. How much is this like the ship he grew up on?

He goes from the breaking point to being so excited to see everybody he’s crying. This physically fucking hurts to read

7- FUCKIN LEAVE HIM ALONE. GIVE HIM A GOD DAMN BREAK.

Literally this chapter makes me sick to my stomach i hate it i hate it

(Side Note, I have some colorings in the works, but it’s gonna be a WHILE until I get them finished. Very excited to share when I do though, I’ve been absolutely losing my shit about the love the others I’ve done have been getting from y’all. I see ur tags and they make my goddamn day. Thank you.)

((Additional Side Note, I am SO fucking excited to get my hands on the wwvd bracelets I ordered lol. I won’t be able to actually wear them for a few weeks though. I had to send it to my parents address. smh my head, man.))

[septembersghost]

maybe a heavy question for a tuesday night but—how do you manage to be tender and soft and open-hearted without feeling bruised all the time? or, i guess, how do you cope with feeling bruised all the time, if that is how you feel? i feel lately like an exposed nerve, like i’m too vulnerable by half and everyone is pointing and laughing. i feel like i ought to have a thicker skin but i don’t necessarily want to lose the tenderness. i don’t know what to do, i guess.

oh darling anon. i'm sending so much love to you. there is never a wrong time for this kind of question. i don't know if there's a right answer.

so here's what i will tell you from my own experience, subjective though it may be - i have always been an overly sensitive soul, a little too soft and easily wounded, tender heart that's maybe too naively trusting and forgiving. i used to get told to "toughen up" by various people (excluding my mom), there were even (male) family members who'd tease me intentionally at gatherings to try and make me cry because they misguidedly thought that this would cause me to be stronger. and it just made me feel worse, because i felt like there was something too fragile and broken in me, that i'd never be good enough or resilient enough to matter. that somehow the softness was weakness or childishness. it's something i couldn't change. and even when it's a compliment, it can be sharp-edged - you're so sweet, but so quiet! the kindness being something you try for, but the quiet being fear.

many years ago, after i went through a specific traumatic experience, i turned on myself, drove those knives inward, but also briefly lashed out. it's the only time in my life that i reacted in an aggressive way from the wounds. there was a span of months where i was unrecognizably dark and cynical and bitter, numbed to the softer and brighter things i try to hold. (and i was angry, but i don't think anger automatically is a negative thing, it depends how you channel it.) i was also s****dal, and miring myself in such a dark headspace definitely didn't make that better. it was brutal, and when i started to surface on the other side, claw my way back through the thorns of it, i realized...hardening myself like that was worse. it made the whole world feel heavier, and meaner, and harder to find my bearings in, because it simply wasn't me. i fought bloody to get the true sense of myself back, and she is soft and silly and too sensitive and cries a lot, and it's okay. it's okay because it's true, and being true is the only way you don't sink under the worst waves. i strove not to ever lose that again.

(it's why i keep: be soft, and i want to still have a sharp pen and thin skin and an open heart, and you have to be wearing a suit of armor, but have a liquid heart and soul, close in my mind all the time. like little prayers, affirmations. we are allowed to be this way. to exist in our tenderness.)

i know it makes you feel bruised and delicate, and cut open to the ache of the world at times, and like a flayed nerve at times. i know those moments are exhausting and echo around in your head. the only thing i can say is that i also believe being open-hearted is a gift. you feel things deeply and it makes the world richer and more beautiful, it doesn't only give you the pain, it gives you the wonder and the joy too. it doesn't mean it's easy, on the contrary it often is not. to be tender is to be so human. having a great capacity for love is a mitzvah, a blessing. there is no one who is tender quite like you. no one has your heart. this universe needs all the kindness it can get. you are rare and essential. consider that softness like a living thing - if you put it in the dark, it will wither and fade away, but if you let it stay in the light, it will keep doing its very best to blossom and show all its colors. that's what you are, all shimmer and color. those who truly value you will see that and treasure it, but the most important thing is to keep it for you. it's not a weakness. it's a strength.

[the-savage-garden]

Nitpicking ACOWAR Ch 10 +11

I meant to post this awhile ago but I recently returned to the One Piece train that I forgot about this whole thing, oops. I finally figured out how to do the 'keep reading' thing though!

Chapter 10

-Somehow Brannagh is cradling Ianthe now?

-”I let my mask drop.” I hate the mask theme, just the way it’s thrown around bothers me.

-���...noting the flanking positions they were too casually establishing around me.” Now I’m confused about where Brannagh is supposed to be.

-[“What could be more important than assisting us? You are, after all, sworn to assist our king.” Time—biding their time until Tamlin returned from hunting with Jurian.] I hate how the book decided that Tamlin is with Hybern, it’s not built up to him being on their side at all. It’s written like it’s an assured thing now.

-Lucien notices things. What’s the point of this?

-“I am a free person, allowed to go where and when I will it.” “Are you?” Brannagh is asking a question I want to know. Like, is Feyre really free to do what she wants in this book series? Everyone tells her what to do all the time, even Rhys. The only thing Feyre has actually chosen is to go back to Spring and have her revenge on Tamlin (even though Tamlin legitimately thought she was in danger and it’s not been brought up even once).

-“Such careful plotting these weeks, such skilled maneuvering. You didn’t seem to worry that we’d be doing the same.” I was honestly really confused why Feyre was just ignoring the twins so much, her priorities made no sense to me.

-”They weren’t letting Lucien leave this clearing alive. Or at least with his mind intact.” Why do they care about Lucien? He hasn’t been against them, for all they know only Feyre sent the Bogge after them.

-”...understanding that there was no way they’d reveal this without knowing they’d get away with it.“ But everyone knows that Hybern is evil, how would anyone be surprised by this? Even Tamlin thinks they’re the bad guys! Do the twins not know? There has been no indication that anyone from Hybern is good.

-[“Take the Spring Court,” I said, and meant it. “It’s going to fall one way or another.” Lucien snarled. I ignored him.] Even Lucien here still cares for Spring.

-[“Oh, we intend to,” Brannagh said…] It was very clear that Hybern was going to take down Spring, I don’t know why the book doesn’t let Tamlin see it.

-”I thumbed free two of the Illyrian fighting knives.” Is this the only reason Feyre stole the weapons from Tamlin, to use them in this fight? Ugh.

-“Haven’t you wondered at the headaches? How things seem a little muffled on certain mental bonds?” This is the explanation? I thought it was because Feyre is still new to her powers, this is disappointing.

-”Crushed faebane stone, ground so fine you couldn’t see or scent or taste it in your food.” Can you even smell or taste faebane?

-“We’ve been daemati for a thousand years, girl,” Dagdan sneered. “But we didn’t even need to slip into her mind to get her to do our bidding. But you … what a valiant effort you put up, trying to shield them all from us.” The book makes this too convenient, Feyre knew they were daemati but was naive enough to believe they wouldn’t do anything against her? I know she’s young but seriously?

-”Dagdan’s mind speared for Lucien’s, a dark arrow shot between them.” Weird way to describe their magic, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to imagine with mind powers.

-“What apple,” I bit out. “The one you shoved down your throat an hour ago,” Brannagh said. “Grown and tended in the king’s personal garden, fed a steady diet of water laced with faebane. Enough to knock out your powers for a few days straight, no shackles required. And here you are, thinking no one had noticed you planned to vanish today.” She clicked her tongue again. “Our uncle would be most displeased if we allowed that to happen.” What did I just read? I hate how easy things are. Also, wait, an apple tree was given faebane and it somehow makes the apples have it too?

-”...but then I’d abandon Lucien to them if he somehow couldn’t manage to himself with the faebane in his system from the food at the camp—” What kind of leap in logic is this? All the food at camp was laced with faebane too? So wouldn’t Tamlin be under the effects of it too?

-”Leave him. I should and could leave him. “ Was this why their supposed friendship was brought up so much? To add drama to this moment?

“I made my choice.” ACOMAF made me hate the whole “my choice” thing and being reminded of it is giving me trauma.

-”And even a thousand years wasn’t enough for Dagdan to adequately prepare as I winnowed in front of him and struck.” Feyre went from being out of her depth to competent real fast.

-”I sliced through the front of his leather armor, not deep enough to kill, and as steel snagged on its plates…” Is it leather armor or not? Because plates refer to metal armor I’m pretty sure.

-”...months of Cassian’s brutal training clicked into place as I kept my feet under me.” This makes it obvious how inexperienced Feyre is but somehow she’s able to go toe-to-toe with a Hybern prince and commander? She also has faebane in her system, she should be struggling more in this fight.

-”I had the vague sense of Lucien gaping, even Brannagh taken aback by my show of skill against her brother.” I’m losing my mind.

-”Buying time. Wearing me down until my body fully absorbed that apple and its power rendered me nearly mortal.” Earlier when Feyre shielded Lucien she struggled but now the book is saying that she hasn’t fully absorbed the faebane? But they’ve been giving her faebane since their stay? Make up your mind.

-”Brannagh screamed as a wall of flame slammed into her.” Apparently Feyre did this and not Lucien?

-”Her focus wholly on me, on taking from me the beauty I’d burned from her…” Why is everything so focused on losing beauty? Someone’s vain…

-”Until Lucien’s sword refracted the light of the sun leaking through the canopy.” It’s day? This whole thing is happening in broad daylight? How has no one noticed this?

-”A tremor shuddered through the clearing—like some thread between the twins had been snipped as Brannagh’s dark head thudded onto the grass.” Wait, is this supposed to imply that the twins are soulmates? What the hell? I thought soulmates in this world are supposed to be making powerful offspring but if they’re related doesn’t that defeat the purpose?

-”I let him fall atop his sister, the thud of flesh on flesh the only sound.” Ew, why’d you put focus on that?

-”I merely looked at Ianthe, my power guttering, a hideous ache building in my gut, and made my last command, amending my earlier ones.” I forgot Ianthe was still here. Also faebane seems kind of useless since Feyre can still do this.

-“You tell them I killed them. In self-defense. After they hurt me so badly while you and Tamlin did nothing. Even when they torture you for the truth, you say that I fled after I killed them—to save this court from their horrors.” I want to keep this in mind for the future.

-Lucien says he wants to go with Feyre to the Night Court. But, like, the only reason he does is obviously because of Elain and not for any other reason.

-”I just gritted my teeth against the sharp pain in my abdomen…” Faebane apparently makes the abdomen hurt if it’s consumed.

-”Blood coated the inside of my mouth by the time we reached the foothills hours later. I was panting, my head throbbing, my stomach a twisting knot of aching.” The other effects of consuming faebane.

-“It’s—gone,” he said, gasping for breath. “My magic—not an ember. They must have dosed all of us today.” I’m still a little lost with what faebane does.

-”My power pulled away from me like a wave reeling back from the shore. Only there was no return. It just went farther and farther out into a sea of nothing.” Both Feyre and Lucien describe losing their magic differently.

-”I peered at the sun, now a hand’s width above the horizon…” I take it that it’s noon now then? Why mention hours but don’t say noon?

-”The caves—doors, they called them—in those hollows led to other pockets of Prythian. I’d taken one straight Under the Mountain… No door to the Night Court existed…” I guess this is to explain why that one led to UTM, I guess they’re magic “doors” to places?

-”And I would not risk my friends by bringing them here to retrieve me.” Even though you’ve killed the twins already? This is just an excuse to have Feyre and Lucien by themselves isn’t it?

-”A numbness had spread through me.” Is it the faebane or not feeling the mate bond? It’s not clear.

-“The Autumn Court portal is that way.” Now we’re calling them portals instead of doors?

-“I can’t go into Summer. They’ll kill me on sight.” I’d love to see the consequences of what Feyre did to Summer. Like, she only decided to steal from them because Rhys kept guiding her to make that choice instead of making friends with Summer.

-”We sealed off all the other entrances.” Why seal all the entrances up? And whose “we” in all this? I think it’s all the entrances to UTM but I thought there was only one?

-”A faint buzzing and ringing filled my ears. And I felt my magic vanish entirely.” Another symptom of faebane?

-”To the lands of the family who’d betrayed him as badly as this court had betrayed mine.” A single person (Ianthe) was the only one that betrayed you Feyre, everyone else didn’t do anything. Tamlin’s character was inconsistent and still is.

-”I gave him another nod. I’d slid into their minds before we’d left, making sure this door would be left open.” Feyre’s lucky that Hybern didn’t find this the perfect opportunity to use this against you. Where even is the King in all this?

-”...whether it was better to claim the Spring Court for ourselves, or to let it fall to our enemies.” What the hell? Feyre, you can’t just claim Spring like that, that’s not how it works.

-”But it could not remain neutral—a barrier between our forces in the North and the humans in the South. It would have been easy to call in Rhys and Cassian, to have the latter bring in an Illyrian legion to claim the territory when it was weakest after my own maneuverings. Depending on how much mobility Cassian had retained—if he was still healing.” Now it’s just getting worse. Feyre is completely ignoring the whole High Lord thing. Also why hasn’t this happened in the past if Feyre finds it so “easy”?

-”Yet then we’d hold one territory—with five other courts between us. Sympathy might have swayed for the Spring Court; others might have joined Hybern against us, considering our conquest here proof of our wickedness. But if Spring fell to Hybern … We could rally the other courts to us. Charge as one from the North, drawing Hybern in close.” This whole thing, what the hell?

-[“You were right,” Lucien declared at last. “That girl I knew did die Under the Mountain.” I wasn’t sure if it was an insult. But I nodded all the same. “At least we can agree on that.” I stepped into the awaiting cold and dark.] I blame Rhys.

-”And in the distance, so faint I thought I might have imagined it, a beast’s roar cleaved the land.” I’m still confused by Tamlin.

Chapter 11

-Feyre describes the Autumn Court.

-Autumn didn’t post sentries at the “door” and Feyre can’t use her magic to search for Fae.

-”...the risk of revealing our scheming to find me.” So it’s “our scheme” now? Was Feyre actually doing things on her own or not?

-”But my magic was still and frozen. A crutch I’d become too reliant upon.” Since when has Feyre been that reliant on magic? She only recently started using it. Like, if this was the thought process of someone that used magic for years I wouldn’t think much of this but it’s not, it’s for someone that’s quite green. Not to say that Feyre can’t hold her own, I just expect her to be more inexperienced in the story.

-Mentions of time passing to night, I think.

-”...I knew only our need for stealth kept his simmering questions at bay.” Why do they need to sneak through a forest? Other than mentioning no sentries, what’s the point of this?

-They go into another cave, with a makeshift camp there already.

-”...three bedrolls and old blankets…” Why three?

-Lucien mentions he used to stay in this cave before he left Autumn.

-Lucien and Feyre talk.

-”...My friend at the Dawn Court has the same power—her light is identical…” I thought it was the Dawn High Lord’s power (who’s male)?

-“I didn’t tell him for two reasons. One, it felt like kicking a male already down. I couldn’t take that hope away from him.” I rolled my eyes. “Two,” he snapped, “I knew if I was correct and called you on it, you’d find a way to make sure I never saw her.” So… Lucien still cares about Tamlin? Also, the soulmate thing gets brought up again, that seems to be his only motivation now.

-“And that’s why you’re here. Not because it’s right and he’s always been wrong, but just so you can get what you think you’re owed.” Feyre gets mad at Lucien for not being angry at Tamlin. I also hate this whole bullshit about ownership being thrown around in this story, it became a thing in the 2nd book too.

-Lucien still thinks the Night Court are enemies.

-Feyre gets mad at Lucien for not believing her that Elain is safe, which yeah, they’re sisters, shouldn’t he understand that?

-Lucien questions if Feyre wanted to spare him from her path of destruction because of what it would do to Elain. They sure are friends, huh?

-Lucien continues to question Feyre, asks her if she wanted to kill Tamlin, yada yada.

-Feyre gets tired of debating with Lucien over her choices and tells him to drop it. It makes me wonder if this is to say Feyre regrets her actions now, or SJM doesn’t feel like going deeper into Feyre’s feelings on this whole thing.

-[“My father will hunt you for taking his power if he finds out,” he said into the frigid dark. “And kill you for learning how to wield it.” “He can get in line,” was all I said.] Giving me deja vu again.

-The next morning Feyre and Lucien argue on where to go next. Feyre wants to go north right through where, I guess the direction of Autumn's capital is, but Lucien wants to go either east where the Summer border is or west but Feyre thinks that route will take too long for some reason. Feyre for some reason thinks she can go through Autumn unseen, this is a dumb plan, west should’ve been the better option.

-Feyre dumps her food out because she thinks it’s laced with faebane.

-Feyre gawks at Autumn and admires Lucien, they go fishing. I still don’t know why they’re still being sneaky in the middle of nowhere though.

-They hiked for 5 days, somehow during the 3rd day they went through the Autumn’s capital without any incident.

-Apparently Autumn’s place is called the Forest House. I guess this is the reason why we're here, so SJM can explain the “worldbuilding” of Autumn. Anyway, the House is large and covered in moss.

-Somehow with all this time that’s passed they’re still affected by the faebane. I guess faebane can also affect mate bonds too.

-”...an apple tree, laden with fat, succulent fruit.” I know fat can be used as a synonym for large but this is a weird way to use it.

-”...the bees gorging themselves on fallen apples.” Bees don’t eat like that?

-”After what the Hybern royals had done, I should have sworn off apples forever, but hunger had always blurred lines for me. “ This doesn’t come up much with Feyre’s character but I like the idea of Feyre forgetting herself when she’s hungry.

-“We’ll have to stay out of sight. My father doesn’t pay well for his crops, and the land-workers will earn any extra coin they can.” Beron’s an idiot then, unless he’s getting other food from trade, he should only be reliant on food from local farmers. I’m not an expert on this though.

-”I was able to study for longer than my father allowed my brothers before shoving them out the door to rule over some territory within our lands…” Keeping note of this.

-“I’d say that sounds more High-Lord-like than the life of an idle, unwanted son.” I don’t even know what the High Lords do for this to make sense.

-“Would you want it—your father’s crown?” I thought magic chooses the High Lord, how would someone even be able to get it any other way?

-”...I’d gain a crown—only to rule over a crafty, two-faced people.” This contradicts what was stated earlier, of Lucien learning about his people, at least that’s what I think.

-“But you never answered my question—about why the people here would sell you out.”  Why is there no question mark in this?

-So, the people blame Lucien for not protecting Jesminda from being killed by his family, and when Lucien fled to their houses they gave him back up to his family. What?

-”...right into the steep foothills that leaped into gray, snowcapped mountains that marked the start of the shared range with the Winter Court.” Shouldn’t that be leapt? Or am I crazy for that?

-”If we could get over the border in a day or two…” They hiked through Autumn for like 5 days, how would they be able to go through Winter that fast?

-“How are you not winded,” he panted, hauling himself onto the flat top… “I trained.” Missing question mark. Also I know Feyre trained and all but she shouldn’t have that good of stamina already.

-”My nails barked…” This is the weirdest writing quirk SJM has.

-Lucien added, “You had my back —with them, with Ianthe. Thank you.” Feyre almost cries from this and I find that funny since she was going to leave him behind.

-Feyre manages to fall asleep this time, she goes into Lucien’s mind while she’s sleeping.

-”I had never known how young, how human I looked when I slept. My braid was a rope over my shoulder, my mouth slightly parted, my face haggard with days of little rest and food.” Why this? What’s the point?

-Lucien and Feyre get ambushed by Lucien’s brothers.

[yuhi-san]

I was thinking about some of that, too. In the birthday video, we see knives be more sullen and distant. Though it could also be because much of the situation revolves around food, something knives has no interest in compared to a far more eager vash. he’s a lot more excited when talking about western and cowboys, which he likes. He’s also still sweet, even as he teases rem.

In the mange, before tesla, both knives and vash were curious about meeting humans. But it’s usually knives who starts talking about it and react strongly in the conversation with Conrad. Vash on the other hand seems more subdued, I guess. Yes he’s curious about humans, yes he would like to meet more people. but he gives much more the impression that he would also be perfectly fine if it was just him, knives and rem while knives seams to almost yearn to finally connect to huamans and hope so much it would be fine!

In stampede, much of what we see from child knives we see in vash’s memory during july. His memories are actively being meddled with by knives, which we as the audience know. We see it in the way everything is jumbled and things don’t always make sense. But we also see scenes that seem perfectly right except… like, there is the one with vash and knives under the three where knives says he will protect Vash.

And vash realizes, no, that wasn’t knives who said this but rem.

So im thinking. What if in stampede, it was still knives who was more curious and hopeful and excited to meet other humans? But then they find tesla and his innocent, happy dream of a peaceful coexistence with humans got shattered. I firmly believe that this shattered manga knives beyond repair, there was never a coming back for him. Vash on the other hand went through the same trauma but between almost killing rem and the great fall, he put all his determination in making sure that plants and humans WILL one day have this coexistence full of love and peace.

So what if it still was knives who so dearly wanted to be accepted by humans and sees this desire and the hope for it in vash now? Vash who gets hurt by humans, yes (in big part thanks to knives) but undeniably has humans loving him like little knives hoped for? There is ship three and all the other humans vash meets that just adore him.

Projecting his dream that got shattered so cruelly onto vash might be just a coping mechanism for knives. A way to tell himself, I always knew humans were bad! Vash was the one to naively think it could be any different and look what happens to him!

Im not even really sure knives is doing that 100% unconsciously. I don’t think he has suppressed the memory, just that he is very stubbornly in denial about it. And for all that I think knives actually means it when he says he wants to protect vash (twisted and cruel horrible as he is with it) I do also think he is deep down jealous of vash. for finding this connection, for still being able to see the good and to hope. In many ways vash pays the price for knives inability to overcome the trauma from tesla

Midnight thought but now I’ve got my mind on how Tristamp has the overarching themes of identity, self-actualisation, adolescence but also a distorted sense of reality, past (Memory sweep finale) and present (Vash really telling himself Nai can still be saved, where Knives also wants to tell himself Vash needs help) , for the brothers especially.

So I look back to the last words the brothers shared, and hone on Vash’s “Who are you?” when he finally sees Nai for the person he’s become.

Yes I could talk about how the question is thematically directed to both of them throughout the entire season but there’s also an implication, I feel, there’s something, not quite right about, how Knives is presented.

Vash is an obvious “Who are you?” to the audience I think. Kinda all over the place. Masking to people half the time. Changing who he is to suit the people he’s with/ situation. Making promises he can’t really keep and then getting a lil too stuck on his own perceived failure. He only really becomes Vash the Stampede right before he blows up July.

But with Knives, he seems pretty sure of himself. Pretty sure of his goals and the work he’s got to do. Pretty linear in all his approaches. So his “Who are you?”, as a question from the audience, feels, off.

With the distorted reality idea, I wonder if, in a lot of his memory appearances as a kid we’re being introduced to someone that, never really existed. Maybe I’m reaching, but he’s entirely reconstructing Vash’s memories in the finale, and that’s, most of his appearances as a child.

He doesn’t seem very different as a kid in that he’s a lot more calculated, he’s colder, and Vash is the one that seems more interested in humanity’s acceptance. (While I personally don’t really mind that change tbh, I am aware it fundamentally alters the character). Considering he’s purposefully omitting the good and hopeful memories of Rem as their childhood, this presentation of him is so oddly convenient, helping him avoid the confrontation of a Nai, that was once well. Happy. Happy with humans. Happy with Rem.

We also see it in how he so easily takes the form of his kid self in Vash’s memories. Odd.

So I feel that “Who are you?” question has the potential to be one that kinda breaks the fourth wall. Compared to the other iterations, Knives does feel like a stranger. I like the idea that everything to do with him is a fake lie he’s orchestrated. And the creepy idea his control has extended to us as well.

It’s 2am. I may have better words tomorrow but this is essentially my long winded way of saying I can’t trust any Knives backstory given, knowing the extent of his possible control. And that sunshine crybaby Nai may still be a thing, it was just omitted by him. I could also be extending my arms across the continent with this reach…

[evansencezz]

⚱︎ ⚱︎—SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL, SPEAK NO EVIL— Autum Candell—⚱︎ ⚱︎

notes: oh my god, angst overload, holy shit, average ginger, mental illness, gore, blood, murder, non-cannon aroace autumn, help bro, girlboss autum, she/they pronouns, twin sisters, fucked up autumn, refrenced death insentences, PTSD, untreated mental illness, revenge, anger issues, stressed out autumn, vicous cycle, i feel so bad for her, flashbacks, trauma, actually okay family ig, atleast compared to my other ocs, immoratal??autumn, revenge plot, guns, knives, afraid of heights, afraid of drowning, shes still sexy though, nice tits, lots of murder, mainuplation, yanderes, bondage, theres like one fluff scence and its not even that cute, choking, half-mute autumn, mechanic autumn, i like mechanics, fashion desginer autumn too, why not, lots of fight scences, autumn being alone, no one gets her. so emo, lashing out, very non-touchy autumn, extremely traumatized autumn, yet she still slays, smoking, drinking, a little flirting but nothing serious, autumn hates men, refrenced towards toture, YEAH.., beating the fuck out of someone, autumn dies like alpha, time loop, popular autumn, sort of simaliar to suimuki bc i love both of them, horror, slasher, major character death, rlly sad ending.

Autum sighed as she stitched up her arm, just another wound. Her apartment was empty, filled with only herself.

“Died again?” She questioned herself.

It was strange, usually she could remeber how she died. Or atleast make sense of it, but no. She just practically woke up to herself stitiching.

“Fucking hell..” She scofffed, finally ending the stitch by pulling up and sinching it.

When she dropped the needle, the rest of the thread attached to it came out. She cut it off and poked around at the still somewhat gaping hole in her arm

They dug their fingers into the flesh right above it, frustrated.

“How did I mess up again?? All I want is to..” She hissed.

All they wanted was to be viewed as an actual person. People adimired them for their looks and personality. They didn’t even bother to try and help them or look deeper.

It was funny, she had always been treated kindly by other people. What if the ginger had been ugly, or more mean??

Obviously, they would hate her then, right?

She darkened her eyes before swiftly standing up off of the couch. Her long hair followed her movements, unrestrained by a hairtie or anything.

She looked out at the city of Valentino, loud. She would have some way to make a name for herself, even though most people just knew she just kept coming back.

Of course there was the regular person stummbling across Autumn’s body here and there. Terrifed when she shot up and gasped for air. They always had a look of horror when her emerlad eye connected with theirs.

She grunted and moved to her kitchen. Might aswell make coffee before moving out, right??

Some people might have called her insane for still going out into the world. For living her life, as painfilled as it was.

Once the coffee was brewed, she took a cup and poured it into it, then she sealed it with a lid. Her phone, that was sitting on the counter lit up with a message.

‘hey autumn! i’m outside of your place, ready to hang out?? im really exicted, we haven’t seen each other in so long!’

They grimnaced, Summer. Summer was their older sister an awfully nice girl. So naive.

They placed their cup to the side as they picked up the phone. A photo of them and Summer was the profile picture she had set. A stinging feeling filled their upper chest and they clentched the photo tighter.

“God damnit.” They hissed.

She blinked and slowly texted a response. Meanwhile, the taller ginger looked around the area. They were currently outside of the complex, and got brushed by a few people.

They blinked in surprise but a wide grin formed on their face as they read the message Autumn had sent them.

‘yeah yeah, i’m coming relax’ was all it said.

The older didn’t feel the need to respond, so she didn’t. She also flinched when she noticed someone infront of her.

“Hey, arsenic.” The younger sister greeted.

Dark green eyes immeditally glanced up from her phone. She made immediete eye contact with Autumn.

A soft yet exicted smile formed on her face. The younger looked as she always had. Her ginger hair was in a low ponytail now, tied with a green ribbon.

She also had lots of scars alinging her body, one missing through her right eye but don’t damanging the eye itself. She also had a scar on the left side of her neck in the shape of a lightening bolt.

In all honesty, she did look like someone who had been through way too much.

“Autumn!!” Summer shook her head and quickly hugged her sibling.

The other returned the embrace, all be it lighter. When both of them pulled away the other girl got a good look at what they were wearing. A tight fitting shirt with straps that showed..skin.

Like Summer had mentioned earlier, they had bruises, scars and shittly wrapped banadges around areas. The color of the top was a basic marrow bone colored besige with a skelton desigin.

Autumn also had on low waisted jeans that were a deeper gray and with a belt. Finally, with black combat boots, she looked nice.

“It’s good to see you again.” The younger said.

The taller beamed and moved back a little.

“I could say the same! You look..well..?” She questioned.

The younger twin scoffed and shuffled her feet slightly. Her eyes seemed to dart to her feet for a second before back to Summer’s.

“Just tell me I look like shit.” She blurted out.

The other blinked a few times before laughing. It was nice to see that they honestly knew that they weren’t in the best condition.

“Ah, good to see you still have that same humor! Anyways, wanna’ hit up a cafe’ before we fuck around?” She giggled before smiling with her eyes closed.

The ladder simply nodded. They had that sinking feeling in their stomach again, so they tossed a glance over their shoulder. No one else was there, stop being paranoid Autumn.

“Hey?” They were surprised and tensed when a soft hand shook their shoulder.

Their dark eyes connected with slightly brighter ones. A grin formed onto her sisters face and she made a follow me motion.

“Come on, I know I’M suposed to be the ONE visting YOU but I looked up a really cute cafe’!” She explained.

Autumn wasn’t really listening, merly humming. The two walked on the sidewalk, finally out of the compelx area in the full city of Valentino. She noticed people pausing what they were doing to get a good look at her.

Her sibling must have noticed her posture change, as they cocked an eyebrow.

“Does your presnce really radiate that many looks??” They questioned.

The ginger simply grumbled and scowled. She absoutetly despised it, she hated it so much. Why did everyone have so much want and lust towards her?

She would never wish this fate on anyone else, this was exactly why she burdened it. She would weigh herself down if it ment keeping Summer and every other person safe. No matter how many times she died.

Then again, she was currently restarting from a death. It would only be soon enough till some creep made his disgusting move.

“Sooo..I’m assuming no boyfriend or girlfriend?” Her sister asked, keeping pace with her and leaning to the side.

The emerlad eyed girl didn’t have to think about it. She barely had any romantic attraction anymore. Anyone who she had ever dated turned out to become obessed with her and wanted to take her.

She blew out a puff of air and shook her head.

“No..nothing like that.” She answered.

The ladder simply hummed before perking up when a cafe’ came into view. A rather large one at that, Autumn also looked up.

“Ah, here it is!~” She sang, walking faster and opening the door.

The other grunted and shuffled inside, the other female following. There was actually a good amount of people looking at them when they entered.

“Fucking annoying..” They scoffed.

Summer didn’t even look at the people and kept a naive smile on their face. They wished they could keep that naive nature for themself. They were jealous.

They were cut off by someone brushing past the said older sibling and towards them. It was a male, of course it was.

“Hey, sweetness. Aren’t you a cute LITTLE thing?” He cooed towards them.

That intense revenge and hatered towards people like this Autumn had built up crawled into their being again. Maybe they were a sociopath, maybe they didn’t like any people..

But these..PEOPLE..were the most disgusting.

“Not intrested.” She simply replied.

The man seemed to have a reaction towards this, his eyes narrowing. He had short, red hair that looked oddly soft and dark blue eyes.

“Oh yeah? What, this your girlfriend?” He spat, glancing towards her older sister.

The taller burst out laughing while she made a disgusted face. This guy could go hang himself for all she cared, he was vile.

“Twin sister, thank you.” Summer flashed a closed eyed smile.

He grunted and flicked his eyes back towards her.

“Why aren’t you intrested?? Is it because I’m too much for you?!” He agressivly asked.

The long haired female flinched when his large hand grabbed her lower arm and raised it. She quickly scowled and tried tugging it away, he didn’t move. By now, a crowd had formed around them.

“Hey buddy! Get off of them!!” The other ginger dropped her smile and glared at him.

Autumn only narrowed their annoyed eyes further and..

“Get your fucking-!” They started while finally getting free before grabbing him and kicking him harshly in the side.

A round of cheers greeted this and she almost smiled. Then, she grabbed the man by the hair, seeing as he had doubled over.

“DISGUSTING perverted hands off of me. Honestly, that’s sad. Oh, and you have a wedding band on?? How..vile.” She spat before harshly letting go of his hair.

She backed away and glanced towards her sibling. They blinked a few times before making a face and a signal. Autumn made a confused expression before turning around.

Loads of people had their phones out and were recording. No one was helping the male on the ground though, everyone was fawning over her.

“That was so awesome!! What’s your name?!” A male with brown hair and brown eyes asked.

She was about to answer but the crowd of smiling and cheering people came closer. She honestly felt bad for the cafe’ owner.

“Uh-!”

“Your so pretty!! Do you have a partner?!”

‘WHATTTT?!!’ She thought in her head, recoiling.

All she did was show that disgusting pervert his place. And that wasn’t the first time she had done that. either. The girl had also been sweeped into crowds of ‘fans’ before.

Her older sibling quickly stepped in, smiling nervously at all the people.

“It’s nice to meet all of you, I’m sure! But we must be off!~” They waved before tugging the shorter by the wrist.

They both zoomed out the door, leaving everyone dissapointed. The man, still on the floor groaned.

“I..I could sue!! That..she ASSUALTED ME!!” He complained.

Silence covered the cafe’ before..

“Shut up.” Someone threw their empty, paper cup at them.

It hit the top of his head and he grunted. He looked around to who it was.

“Hey?!! What the-!?” He was cut off again.

“YEAH!! GET OUTTA’ HERE!!” More people threw stuff at him and he yelped.

“You were so hot back there! Maybe you’ll blow up, become a fugtive!” Summer panted

The other orange-nette rolled her eyes and looked behind her. They were both currently sitting on a fountains edge, water behind them filled with a statue and pennies.

“Please, I dobut it. Actually no-that might happen actually. Knowing my reputation with..’fame’.” She started but thought about it more.

“Pfft- anyways, maybe you should take me to your favorite spot, yeah??” The other snickered before tilting her head and smiling.

The former squinted at her, that was the thing about Summer. She always had a relaxed smile on her face, and was so nice to everyone. She hated that she pushed her own sister away.

“Am..am I mean to you..?” She hestiantely asked.

The brighter eyed girl blinked and rubbed her eyes. Sje simply scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Are you? Sometimes, yeah. But it’s not a bad thing.” They answered.

She looked at them before embrassingly turning away and mummbling something. She dug her fresh nails into the rim of the fountain and scowled.

They didn’t like this sudden feeling that dwelled inside of them. Fear? Softness? Whatever it was, they wanted it gone.

“Autumn? Hey!” They shook their sister by the shoulder.

The said person snapped out of it and looked shakily at the others face. They had a concerned expression on, only natural. Only natural, but still annoying.

“Or we can stay here if you’d like? There seems to be somethin’ bothering you.” They reassuringly smiled.

Her nails dug further into the fountain and she hissed. Was she bleeding by now? Probably.

“Wha-Autumn?! Come back please!” Huh?

The female hadn’t even relized she had gotten up and had started walking away. She tried to pause her movements, but it was like she was being dragged to go somewhere.

Her older sibling had gotten up and this cued the others body to start running. Yes, she had lost control of her bodily funcontions once or twice, dropping a plate when her hand went numb, or something else.

But never..THIS..

“Autumn!!” They faintly heard their sibling call after them but they turned back towards and just sighed.

Maybe they were trying to burn off this annoying feeling that had rised in their being. It was that annoying fury and anger towards everyone and everything.

They halted at a crossroad-slightly winded. Some people raised an eyebrow and they only glared at them. They adjusted their posture and glanced towards the button.

“God..” Autumn glanced behind her into the walking crowds but coudn’t spot Summer.

The light turned green and everyone moved along, including her. She only eye-twitched and ran a hand through her hair.

She followed along with the crowd, still checking her phone here and there. It lit up multiple times with the call singal from her sister. She simply ignored it though.

The ginger quickly found another cafe’, one she had been to multiple times. She didn’t order anything though, she simply sat down and laid her head on the table.

People were probably looking at her strangley, she cracked open and eye and just say a couple people peeking glances at her. She lazily made a two finger wave before slumping over again.

“Autumn??” A blonde haired girl leered over the orange-nette.

The person, who was zoning out with their cheek in their head perked up. They glanced towards her, before humming.

“Hey, Nari! What’s up?” They closed eyed smiled.

The other seemed to be pleased with the attention but looked away. She glanced towards the door before back towards them.

“Your..boyfriends..here.” She answered.

The former perked up, like sat up straight and smiled wider. Micheal, her boyfriend was so nice, not to mention cute! Ah, she could feel herself getting flustered.

“Thanks Nari! I can always count on youuu..~” She grinned and kissed her friends cheek before skipping off towards her boyfriend.

Meanwhile, Nari Jeong placed a hand on her cheek, feeling weak. God, only if they knew the hold they had on some people. She watched as they smiled and leaned towards their boyfriend, also kissing his cheek.

Ah…her cheek now felt colder.

“You’ having a good day so far, baby? You seem more happy then usual.” The taller of the duo grinned down at them.

“Yep, now it’s even better because your here! I love you..” They cheered before kissing him.

Micheal wasn’t easy, he didn’t always kiss back. He didn’t always call her nicknames, or tease but it was okay. It was okay because they were still together.

He grunted and gently kissed back before easing her down. She still had that wide smile on her face, and he closed his eyes.

“Your so cute darling.” He breathed out.

It was true, everyone in the school adimired her. From her near ginger hair, that was slightly tied back by the white hairband on her head. Or her cute freckles around her face.

The girls scoffed and her cheeks turned a light pink. So cute.

So cute but too easy..

“Ugh, stop! Could you be anymore cheesy?” She sarcastically asked.

The brown haired male only snickered before raising an eyebrow.

“Probably. But you like it, don’t you??” He inquired back.

She simply grumbled something before jolting when the bell rang. Micheal leaned back slightly, grin still on his face.

“Better get to class, slacker!” She teased before being caught off guard when he connected their lips again.

They closed one, green eyed on reflex before softening and kissing back. It was always nice when he decided to shut them up.

However, quickly after he snickered again and pulled away. They cracked their eyes open and huffed. He quickly picked his bag off of the ground and ruffled their locks of hair.

“See you later, Aut’!~” He cooed before walking away.

They groaned, slumping over again. Only to tense when multiple people ran towards them.

“AAAAH-Your so lucky Autumn!!” A girl with pink hair and brown eyes sighed.

The emerlad eyed girl only raised an eyebrow with a now more tense smile on her face.

“You think so??” She questioned.

Another person, a girl with white hair and green eyes spoke up.

“Uh, yeah!! Micheal is so dreamy, not to mention you!” She gawked.

Autumn could only laugh nervously and play with a strand of hair. There were other popular couples though, right??

“Autumn! And the rest of you, get to your classes please!” Someone broke the crowd up.

She glanced towards them, it was Mars. The rest of the crowd yelped in slight fear before scampering off. She smiled geinuley at the navy haired girl.

“Thanks, Mars! They were sort of..” She trailed off.

“Holding you?? Yeah, I noticed. You should be more honest with your..fans?” She sarcastically answered.

The orange-nette only sweat-dropped before nodding. She entered the classroom along with Mars and prepared for another easy-going day.

The female gasped slightly as she awoke, still in the cafe’. No one was near her, but some people spared a longer glance of confusion at the loud noise.

She muttered something before standing up and rolling her shoulder. She also cracked her hands and strecthed them out before trying to walk out the door.

She was stopped though, by a black haired man. He had fluffy, yet frizzy looking hair with alot of pirecings. He also had black eyes and a grin on his face.

“Hey, I think I know you. Autumn Candell, right?” He asked.

She was immeditally on guard about this, she hadn’t told anyone her name..her throat seized slightly. Oh god, was she going to be able to answer?

“I..I..” She hoarsely said.

Fuck that, her throat closed tighter and she knew she wouldn’t be able to speak. The shorter of the duo wondered how she would be able to communicate.

“Hey, are you alright? Oh! I’m so sorry! Your probably wondering how I know your name?” He relized.

She blinked a few times, was this guy insanely smart or something? Hell, maybe even a mind reader.

They nodded and he placed a relaxed grin on his face.

“We went to the same highschool. I’ve actually been looking for you..” He answered.

‘Oh.’ They thought. ‘That last sentence isn’t creepy, AT ALLLLL..’

“…” They looked around for something before sighing and opening their phone.

They typed something on it and practically shoved it in the male’s face, making him back up.

‘looking for me??’ It asked.

He beamed and nodded, unsettingly. The long haired girl lowered the phone some to get a better look at him.

“I’m so happy to see you again! You probably don’t remeber me, so my name is Michealis Garcia.” He introduced.

She didn’t think about it much, well, her first reaction was to type something in jest.

‘a bit long-winded, wouldn’t you say?’ it sarcastically read.

She also squinted her green eyes at him, Michealis Garcia? Wasn’t that the leader of the football team? Ugh.

He laughed before leaning towards her. She visibly grimanced.

“Ah, have you became even more funny?” He grinned.

She grimnaced more and finally took a good few steps back. She pinched the bridge of her nose for a second before typing something else.

‘i would hope so? anyways, see you.’ she quickly flashed before practically zooming out of the cafe’.

The black haired boy frowned as his eyes followed her until he lost her. How annoying. He narrowed his eyes before joting when someone nudged from behind him.

“Excuse me? Your blocking the door.” They bluntly said.

Michealis just moved aside and watched as they nudged the door open with their elbow. This was due to them carrying a large box with a smaller box on top.

The door closed again and he sighed deeply before walking out of the store aswell. Hopefully Autumn hadn’t wandered too far.

Speaking of, the said person was weaving through the crowds again. Maybe they should just call Summer while they were at it. What time was it again??

They glanced down quickly as the merly clicked the on button and saw the time, 2:00 PM. So as much for hanging out right? Oh well, they were going to be in the city for a couple months.

Maybe the younger should have felt worse, but she really didn’t feel anything. She just kept walking before finally sitting down at a open bar place.

They had bar stools, on the open side-walk and the open bar also faced outwards. It wasn’t crammed, like there was just a random bar jammed into the crowd. It was off to the side like all the other shops.

“What can I get for you?” The bartender asked.

The orange-nette simply cleared her throat and leandd forward. Hopefully her voice was back by now.

“Uh..do..do you sell uhm..like white wine by the bottle.? Along with wiskey?” She asked.

Yeah, the girl liked to down some hard whiskey and wine. And even better was mixing them, which was probably bad for her gut.

“Whiskey and wine bottles?? I can do that, but first I need to see an ID, of course.”

Autumn was really jumpy all of the sudden and flinched slightly. The worker seemed slightly concerned, furrowing their eyebrows. She quickly shaked her head though and found her ID.

It was the only real thing, that well, provded she was real. That’s why she was sometimes scared while she was stabbing a guys vocal chords out, what if she got caught?? No dobut the court of law would look for her legal documents.

“Alright, here you go.” The bartender handed them back ther card and they shoved it in their bag.

They shuffled and flinched immensly when someone slid into the seat next to them.

‘HOLY SHIT’ they yelled in their mind, ‘CAN I NOT GET A FUCKING BREAK?!’

They spared a glance towards the person next to them, only see..

“YOU?!!” They blurted out.

The man laughed, Michealis. His demenor didn’t seem to change, however it was kind of creepy he kinda’ followed them here.

“Yeah, me! You surprised?” He laughed out.

The former made a face and he snickered slightly. Could the bartender be a little quicker?!

“Soooo..did I wear you down so much that you needed a drink??” He questioned.

She slumped over the counter slightly, arms crossed on it. An exhausted expression of annoyment rested on her face.

“Yep. So, go away now.” Drop the plesentries, creep.

Michealis seemed to be taken aback by this, blinking a few times. Before the same smile, but smaller rested on his face. However, his eyes noticeably shrank and dialated.

“Oh, sorry! Did that bother you?” She lazily glanced at him before picking up the two bottles of acohol and stepping down from the seat.

Before the bartender could even say anything about pay, she formed into the crowd. The black eyed male quickly followed after though and somehow fitted to walk beside her.

“Why are you being so rude to a previous friend? Didn’t your par-!” He rather agressivly asked.

They chuckled under their breath, typical. Pull out the parent excuse of manners and be an asshole.

“My parent’s were acholics, and not good people.” She smiled up at him before glancing towards the bottles.

Autumn had a hunch of what was going to come out of his mouth. And they weren’t responsible for what came of it, if he had the guts to say it.

“So..like you??”

“…” There it was.

The girl somehow manged go grab him and swiftly push him into a alleyway. A few people seemed to notice, but they just glanced at the acholoic drinks in their hands before losing intrest.

“Wh-hey!! Awfully fucking handsy!” He grunted.

The shorter stayed silent, swaying before swiftly digging their thumb under one of the corks of the drinks and opening it. They took a pretty good swig before sighing.

“You know, I usually don’t do this sort of thing. Only to people I need revenge on or I knew hurt me. And the-the funny thing is-I don’t even remeber you-AT ALL!!” They stummbled over their words, laughing slightly.

Michealis took a few steps back, glancing behind him every now and then. The long haired girl sighed again and came closer.

“God, you could’ve been such a nobody if you just kept your damn mouth shut. But no, you decided to be gross and come up and talk to me.” She spat.

The black-nette switched over to have fear in his eyes. Was she seriously demented?! Was she actually going to hurt him?!

Oh no, she wasn’t going to hurt him.

She was going to make him suffer.

In all honesty, her current thoughts were all jumbled up. Flashbacks and images from her past clouded her vision and didn’t help with the emotions she felt.

“Please! I’..I’m sorry..!” He aplogized.

And it clicked.

Now she knew exactly why this Michealis guy was all over her. He’s the one who found her body once it hit the ground at school. And yet he didn’t get someone to help, he just stared at it for probably twenty minutes before walking away.

“Your kidding me..” She whispered.

Why didn’t he help her?! Prehaps he could’ve broken the cycle right then and there! Then they wouldn’t have to fucking die over and over again.

“Ha..Ahaha!.. I know exactly who you are now.” She lightly laughed.

She came even closer, now the taller wasn’t able to move any further back. Her right eye darted all around his face before the other remained steady. Pretty creepy.

“Your the guy who was too much of a coward to report a body. Your the guy who practically was a eye-witness but didn’t say anything.” They hissed.

The ladder’s eyes widened as his ‘secret’ was revealed. Honestly, just how despreate was he?? It was really gross.

“Now I can’t feel bad about getting rid of you.” They mummbled aswell.

They tilted the white wine bottle and chugged it back quickly before doing the same with the whiskey. A probably painful display for most people, but it placed a wobbly grin on their face.

“Please..I’m so sorry Candell..” He tried one more time.

Her smile immeditally fell and she slammed the white wine glass into the wall beside her. This made a shattering sound and it became jagged.

The pine eyed female leaned over him, one hand messing with the weapon. An distant look was painted on her face as she spoke:

“Pray to some other god then.”

And with that, she brought the glass down on him. He screamed violently, but knowing the people of Valentino City, they wouldn’t even spare a glance. Blood quickly standed everything, slightly coating her face aswell.

She yanked the bottle that she had inlodged in his stomach out. Then, she grabbed him quickly by the head and twisted it slightly so she could stab the glass in his throat.

He screamed again but it was quickly silenced with noises of him choking on his own blood. The ginger watched as he reached towards her but went slack.

After a few moments, Autumn glanced down towards the weapon in her hand, her eye twitching.

“I seriously just wasted a good bottle of wine on you?! Talk about annoying..” She hissed, tossing the bottle back towards his slumped over body.

Blood was everywhere, on her face and hair. And espically on her clothes that now had spots just completly red.

They glanced down at Michealis’s body one more time before swiftly pinching the bridge of their nose. Whatever, they would just walk in the alleyways so that people didn’t get concerned.

They also glanced down towards their clothes and scowled.

“I fucking liked this shirt too..prick.” She complained before walking away.

“I’m very sorry, but I haven’t seen anyone who looks like that..” A woman answered.

Summer sighed and lowered her phone. She had tried calling her younger sister over a dozen times now only to not get an answer. She eventually started asking people on the streets.

“No..No it’s okay..I’ll find her eventually..” She reassured the woman, smiling softly before walking back into the crowd.

Of course, Summer wasn’t stupid. She didn’t go up to drug dealers, sex workers, or other people randomly asking where the fuck her sister was.

She instead, gravatated towards the friendly looking people. They were rare, but it was still surprising the amount of people she had asked.

Maybe it was the photo, the girl clicked open her phone and looked at it. It had Autumn with a surprised expression as they looked up from what they were doing.

It was still visible how many scars they had. The former scoffed and turned off the phone.

Jazzy music played throughout the streets as the sun lowered. It was now 4:00 PM and of course it was getting dark.

They faintly remebered the person they were looking for to stay inside at night. Of course, this peeked their curiousty, but they weren’t trying to be another victim.

A victim of what exactly?? Well, of the series of brutual murders that were going around. Men and woman turned up dead left and right, some had their throats cut out. Some had seviere bruising, just what exactly was this person doing to them?!

The person had to be serverly messed up, the victims bodies proof of that. It was like the bodies were the person taking out their mental state out on them.

The orange-nette grimnaced at the thought of becoming a victim. Yet, that was probably on everyone’s minds. This person was clearly a danger.

They blinked a few times, why were they so focused on this?? Autumn was more imporant!!

The older sister groaned softly and passed a crosswalk. She also flinched when someone slightly came up behind her.

“Summer??” A voice called.

It was medium toned, so she couldn’t tell who it belonged to. She turned slightly and saw bright blue eyes and soft blonde hair around a pretty face.

“Nari?!” She walked slightly backwards.

Nari was also aquaintated with the older sibling aswell. They had met once or twice, the older noticing how she was attracted to her sister.

“Ahaha..it’s nice..to uhm..see someone from highschool..” She softly laughed.

The same heighted girl raised an eyebrow at this. The nari she knew was much more..upbeat! Not extremely, but enough to be considered atleast mellow.

But the one walking behind her had eyebags, a thinner face, along with a sort of exhausted and almost wretched vibe coming off of her.

“Are you okay?” It slipped out.

The blonde blinked a few more times in surprise before smiling nervously.

“Oh..uhm..yeah just uh..tired..say!-do you want to eat somewhere? Or atleast talk??” She looked away before snapping back to them.

The green eyed female placed a lop-sided smile on her face and nodded.

The duo pulled to the side and quickly entered a shop. It wasn’t a cafe’, it just looked like a store where you ordered food.

“Do you want anything? I’ll pay.” Nari questioned.

The green eyed girl glanced at the menu and squinted. She leaned forwards before turning towards the other.

“I’ll take a veggie’ sandwhich with choclate milk.” She bluntly answered.

It looked like the other tried not to laugh as she gave her order.

“Veggie’ sandwhich with choclate milk, really??” She replied.

The ginger only blew out a puff of air and shook her head.

“Please..that’s why your somewhat shorter then me.” She smirked bitterly and leaned a little closer.

The blue eyed girl raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah? I think we level out though..” She simply said before turning away.

Summer smiled lightly, the other girl seemed more relaxed now. She could faintly hear her ordering some food before flashing a grin at Summer and making a ‘c’mere’ motion.

“Here.” She softly said before siting down.

They blinked, Nari always had a sort of soft beauty about her.

“Woah..” The other let out, getting a better look at her face.

As they said before, she defentily did look older. But she still had the cute freckles, and almost clear skin.

“What?” The said girl spoke up, a knowing grin on her face.

That was another thing about her, her eyes always scrunched up in joy from her smile. Sometimes her nose also scrunched up.

“You just look..simaliar to how you did back then..” They said slowly.

The blue eyed girl sitting across from them laughed. Her eyes closed and she held her cheek.

“Ah, charming, however..no matter how long it’s been, my heart still belongs to your sister.”

The older blinked a few times, eyes wide. Seriously?! Why was everyone chasing after their sister today?!

“Seriously?! You still want to date her?!” They gawked.

Nari was about to answer but an order name was called as she got up. She quickly walked over and picked a tray up before smoothly walking back and sorting the food.

“What can I say? Autumn has posion. Sure, she might be different now. But she still has that..aura about her..” She described.

The ginger only grunted before stabbing a straw into her choclate milk.

“Well, I have no idea where she is..” She mummbled.

The ladder had her sandwhich raised to her mouth before pausing. She lowered it slightly as she glowered at her.

“What do you mean?? You didn’t move here?” She questioned.

“Oh no, I’m just here visting Autumn. I’m also living here for a couple months.” She shurgged and took another chug of her milk.

Nari Jeong didn’t say anything for a while before completly setting her sanwhich down and staring at her. One hand held her cheek while the other tapped its fingers in a rythmatically way.

“Living here while the murders are at a peak..that’s sort of risky, don’t you think??” She asked.

Summer couldn’t help but agree. Yeah, it was risky. When Summer gave the driver where she wanted to be dropped off at when she first arived, he made a face.

“Yeah, but you live here too.” She answered before taking a bite out of her own sandwhich.

The long haired blonde leaned forward, fingers digging into her cheek. The mood switched suddenly, it seemed like she was on edge.

“Mm..hey, is something wrong?? You seem..tense..” The former spoke through their mouthful, kind of gross.

Nari sighed deeply and took a long look at the others face. What would they say if she spoke about what she thought was right? She wasn’t a dectective or anything..

But these crimes were unatural, the attacker had to have some mental stuff going on. There’s no way the female across from her did it. Even if she was mentally ill.

This person clearly was driven by motovation, by anger. By greif, by whatever THE FUCK. All of these people..were victims..

And they all went to the same highschool she did.

“Nari?” Summer brought her back.

She couldn’t take it anymore, she had to say it. They could get mad, hell, maybe even give her some crude words.

“I think your sibling is the one causing this murders.”

“…….” As soon as she said that, everything went pitch silent.

It was like both of them stopped breathing, their sandwhich held in their hands froze. Their expression blank as they took this in.

Before..

“What.” They blurted.

It wasn’t a question, it was a demand. A demand for the yellow-nette to explain just exactly what the fuck was going on with her head.

“Yes, I think Autumn Candell is the murder. Surely you’ve noticed it by now, haven’t you?” She contuined, gulping.

The other candell sibling only stared at her with bland eyes. It was like they were going through the possbilties in their head.

“That they’re all people we went to school with??” She finished.

Summer sat the sandwhich down and came dangerously close to Jeong’s face. This made the blue-eyed girl sweat-drop and lean back.

“Look, I don’t know what your fucking problem is. But if this is another fucking joke of an excuse for me to tell somebody more about my sister, I’ll add you to the body count. Stay the fuck away from me and Autumn.” She vemonsly whispered.

As soon as Summer stood up and harshly turned away, the other female grabbed her wrist.

“Summer-Summer!! Please just-just wait a second! The killer might be suffering from some mental illness, like PTSD! It could be anything really, aren’t you concerned?!” She tried to stop her.

The bright eyed girl whipped around and practically tore her arm away from the other. She scowled at glared down at her.

“So your saying Autumn has PTSD, now? I wouldn’t dobut that. But like I said, I want you out of here.” She hissed.

“So Autumn does have PTSD??” The younger whispered.

Green eyes only seemed to fuel with more disgust and irratation. She yelped when hands curled around her shirt, dragging her closer.

“So what if they do?! You gonna’ add that to your insanity theory, huh?? God, your a fucking physco’.” They said before roughly letting go and storming out the door.

Once she got her barrings again, she reached a hand out but she was too late, she always was. She glanced towards the shop owner but they were busy and had headphones on.

“Damnit!” She scowled.

“Nari??” Autumn called out.

The blonde flinched slightly and turned towards her. It hurt looking at her, she was so pretty. You could practically put a halo around her and it would fit right in.

“Ah, yeah what’s up?” She turned her attention to the shorter.

They smiled at her and handed over a box. It was neatly wrapped and had a blue ribbon ontop. She looked up and raised an eyebrow as they nervously laughed.

“Happy brithday..?” They said, a small tint of pink covering their face.

Ah that’s right, it was her brithday, wasn’t it? She grinned and looked at the cat wrapping paper.

“Thanks, I apperiacte it.” She spoke.

They grinned back and leaned forward a little. Nari Jeong couldn’t help but notice the ring on their left hand. A pretty emerlad green.

“Well?! Open it!~” They nudged.

The slightly taller girl only smiled wider and opened it. She blinked a few times before slightly squealing.

“Ah!! No way!! A smiths album?!” She freaked out.

Autumn smiled with her eyes closed and backed away a little. She was happy the other liked her gift. Even if Summer had told her to go with a Cars album.

“You’ like it?” She rytorchically asked.

The yellow-nette held the vinyl album closer to her and innocently smiled.

“I love it so much! How did you know I loved them?” She beamed before leaning forward.

The green eyed girl blinked a few times before tensing and blushing. Her eyes darted anywhere but towards Nari.

“Uhm..lucky guesssss’..???” She drawled out.

“Summer told you, didn’t she.” She deadpanned.

Autumn laughed even more nervously and blushed harder.

“Sorry! You just don’t talk about yourself much!” She apologized.

The other simply shook her head before sitting the vinyl down on her desk. The shorter nervously glanced at it, was she mad??

“Come here..~” She mummbled before grabbing her and leaning down to kiss her cheek.

She pulled away swiftly, grabbing her things and leaving the Candell sibling by herself.

“Ugh..” She groaned, grabbing her own cheeks, annoyed.

Autumn was silent as she sat ontop of the roof. She blacked out again and even more blood was on her clothes. She assumed she was on the rooftop of the old school.

Funnily enough, this was the same place that started everything. All her murders and deaths. She blandly looked down.

Jesus, to think they fell from this height. In the distance you could see lights and buildings blink and wink at you. She scowled and ran a hand through her hair.

Was it just her was she feeling light headed all of the sudden?? The bloody killer decided to get up anyways and swayed before panicking.

“Stop it.” She leaned away from the edge but it felt like she was slipping.

Her breath picked up and her eyes zoned in on the ground. Jesus, was the ground suposed to be looking that close?!

“Stop it stop it..” She breathed.

She scowled and pushed herself to sit down on a bench. Why was it like her body was pushing herself to the ground. Why was it like the rooftop wasn’t straight?!

“Fucking..” She trailed off, leaning her head back.

They flinched when the heard footsteps on the roof. Who exactly?? School was out and no one should be up here.

“There you are..” A raspy voice said, sounding like they had cried.

The ginger immeditally tensed and whipped around. Their eyes searched around frantically before landing on a person. They had blonde hair and big eye bags.

“What are you doing?” The voice asked again.

Autumn swiftly stood up, body still facing the person.

“Better question, what are YOU doing?” She repeated, bitterly.

They laughed a little more before sighing, they came a little closer. The orange-nette squinted before pausing.

“Nari Jeong?!” She blurted out.

The long haired other female smiled in relief. Yeah, it was her. She didn’t know exactly how she ended up here. Maybe to reminse.

“I didn’t actually think you’d be here..consdering and all..” She trailed off.

Autumn scoffed and backed away a little more. The ocean eyed other looked a little worried.

“I’m not scared.” She spat.

And true, she didn’t look scared. No, she looked angry. She looked frustrated and annoyed.

“Just..WHY are YOU here?!..” They tried to yell but it cancelled out at some points.

Nari Jeong frowned and looked away. She should’ve knew better, that they were angry. They were frustrated and tired.

“I know you killed them, Autumn..” She mummbled.

A gust of wind blew by, blocking her from seeing their face as their hair blew infront of it. The blood on their clothes soaked and coated the air with it.

“Can you fucking blame me?” She blandly questioned.

Yes, yes she could.

“Your actually killing-!!” She was cut off by them angrily grabbing their hair.

“SHUT UP!!’ SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP!! LOOK, WHATEVER YOUR TRYING-HA- TO FUCKING DO HERE- ITS NOT WORKING!! YOUR JUST AN ANNOYING CUNT.” She glared.

The taller was geniuley taken aback by the hate in her eyes. It was pure, veomn, hatered. She had enough.

“You’ve always been fucking annoying. What, you about’..you about’ to fucking confess your love for me or something?! Damn right! Because everyyyyyyoneee’ JUST FUCKING LOVES AUTUMN FUCKING CANDELL!! HAHAHAHA-?!” She contuined.

“Instead of being a constant fucking pain in my ass, you could’ve helped! But no-your here! And annoying as fucking EVER.” She hissed, grabbing the ladder by their collar.

The girl stared at her with shaky eyes. Jeong leaned away and paled slightly.

“Stupid.” She simply whispered before pushing her back upright.

The blue eyed girl blinked before furrowing her eye brows. There was something seriously wrong with her..maybe it’s because she didn’t get proper help.

“Autumn, somethings wrong-!” She tried to start.

“What, with me?? Well, no fucking shit Nari! You wouldn’t lose your mind after dying five times over?!” She sarcastically asked.

The female frowned deeper and took a few steps back on her own.

“I..I just want to help..”

“Right. And what good do you think HELP of all things will do?” They quickly replied.

In all honesty, she didn’t know. She was just saying stuff at this point, did they know it?? Probably.

“I…don’t you remeber..?” She stummbled over her words again.

Green pine eyes shifted back and forth in confusion.

“Remeber what?”

“Us! Us, Autumn!” Her voice cracked as she quickly caught them off guard by grabbing their face.

“Hey, Nari!” The ginger grabbed the other girl’s attention swiftly.

“Hm?” She hummed.

She shoved something into her hands, she was tempted to think it was another gift. But when she looked down, it was a coat.

“I’m going up to the roof to meet Micheal, he wanted to talk about something..can you hold this for me??” She explained before leaning forward.

She didn’t seem the way her friends hands twitched or her hands. Nari could only flash a closed eyed smile.

“Sure. I’ll wait for you.” She simply said.

The former breathed out before grinning. She quickly waved bye before heading up to the roof.

When Autumn opened up the gate to the roof, they were greated by their boyfriend in all his glory.

“Ah, there you are my love.” He noticed.

She placed a giddy grin on her face and walked over. They quickly tucked a piece of hair behind their ear before leaning closer, hands behind their back.

“Hey, Micheal! What do you want to talk about-!” They started.

“Nari Jeong.” He cut them off.

The shorter blinked a few times, posture going a little stiff. The dark haired male raised an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?? You don’t think I’m THAT dense, do you?” He questioned.

She glanced away for a second before furrowong her eyebrows.

“Micheal, what are you talking about? Nari and me are just friends.” She firmly asked.

He only rolled his eyes, scoffing. He leaned back and stuffed his hands into his pockets, looking away aswell.

“She doesn’t seem to think that.” He scoffed.

The younger quickly scowled and came a little closer. Micheal immedtially backed up some, whistling.

“You think I’m cheating?” She whispered.

The taller didn’t answer, eyes darting away. She scoffed out a laugh before running a hand softly through her hair.

“I’m not cheating, Micheal.” She hissed.

The dark eyed male seemed to have enough as he grabbed her shoulders.

“Just shut up, Autumn.” He groaned before kissing her.

The gesture was unwelcome, as they quickly moved back. They narrowed their green eyes at him.

“‘Just shut up, Autumn’?? Who do you think you are?” She angirly questioned.

“Uhm?? Your boyfriend?” He laughed.

She scowled again and took off her headband, undoing her hair. Her emerlad eyes flicked back and forth.

“Your not my boyfriend. Your not acting like the man I fell in love with.” She bit.

The brown eyed male blinked before bursting out in laughter. The ginger took a quick glance behind her before glancing back towards him.

“Uhm!- News flash, darling, men change. I’m not that sweetheart, sappy and somewhat flirty guy you fell in love with!” He sarcastically said before reaching towards her again.

She swiftly moved back again and frowned.

“What’s wrong with you?! Stay away from me!” Her voice cracked.

Why did this hurt? Why did it feel like her heart was breaking in two?? Why was he acting so lustful?!

“Please..stop..” She whispered.

He didn’t, he only came closer. Now both of them were practically on the edge of the roof. There was no gate protecting from one of them falling off.

“Autumn, I love you..you know that, right..?” Micheal asked.

The long haired girl glanced down before quickly back up.

“Do you?” She mummbled.

“Yes.” Air, whipping through her hair.

She was falling, why? She could feel her body lose control as her eyes stared up at the roof she had just been on.

She blinked before screaming. It was too late, her body had flipped around and she was facing the ground now. The ground had never seemed to threatening.

The ground was something to ground you, as it were. But when you crashed into it, it was scary.

They could faintly hear commotion going on, people stopping in place and then..

*CRUNCH, SPLAT*

It was sickening to hear, even to Autumn’s now fading hearing.

“AAAAAAAA-!!!” Multiple people screamed, some running away, some standing shocked.

Their body twitched in reflex, but they closed their eyes. Funnily enough, they didn’t really feel any pain. Rather more then confusion.

Didn’t..didn’t Micheal say..he loved them..?

Ha, shit..their brain was failing them now..

Damnit…

Well, whatever….people would probably mark..mark it as a..suicide or..or something..

And all went silent.

“Stop it, stop it, stop it!!” The now present time girl clutched her hair again.

Nari Jeong took this chance to quickly move her away from the edge. She flinched though when they practically fell over themself, on the ground.

“Get away..get away from me..” She whispered, laying her hands flat on the ground, hair blocking her vison.

“Autumn..hey..” The lighter eyed girl cooed.

The shorter flinched away and dug her nails harshly into the flooring.

“Stop it..” She repeated.

There was nothing Nari Jeong could say or do to bring them back. They were stuck in their own memories. Maybe for a couple minutes, maybe forever.

The blonde bit her lip and looked away. What was she suposed to do?? She could easily end all of this, turn them into the police.

But..

She glanced back towards the Candell sibling and bit harder.

Fucking hell..

She quickly took something out of her bag and wrote something down on a small piece of paper. She carefully slid it underneath the other female.

Through her haze of mind, and well, tears, Autumn’s breath hitched. A pale hand right out of the corner of her eye slid her something. It fell right under her chest and she looked down.

‘Hi, my name’s Nari Jeong! What’s your name?’

—

END

(WOOO EAT MY ASSSS)

[cheegu3]

hello! i dont know if you still write for enhypen but if ever you still do, can you do a enhypen yandere reaction finding out their s/o is an assassin or caught them red handed killing someone?

thank you so much and have a nice day ahead🥰

hey thank you, I do still write for enhypen :), and ty for requesting! I hope u have a nice day too ❤️❤️

a/n: jay’s scenario has female pronouns but all others should be g/n <3

tw / trigger warning: yandere themes, violence, murder, blood, mentions of knives, swearing

~ ENHYPEN - reaction to reader being an assassin ~

Jungwon

He was extremely surprised - he thought you were the sweetest person ever, that’s why he had picked you, because you looked so nice and naive and would be perfect to manipulate.

Catching you in the act would give him a big shock. He was in his office when one of his guards came in with a face almost as white as the wall behind him.

‘‘ Sir, I think you need to see this...I-I just saw y/n killing someone ‘‘ he said lowly and put his head down.

Jungwon couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. His y/n? He had to see it for himself.

Immediately he got up and had a slight smirk on his lips all the way over to the room where you supposedly were. 

His guard pushed the door open and sure enough, there you were. Slumped against the wall, covered in blood with a knife laying close by and an unresponsive man laying at the center of the room.

As soon as he came into your view you met eyes but you didn’t look scared, this also surprised him. You didn’t even look ashamed, it looked as if it was natural to you.

He chuckled at the sight and upon the realisation that he might’ve been wrong about you, he’d have to up his security measure now for sure.

Heeseung

It would take some time to recover from seeing that gruesome sight. He also now had to deal with the fact that you hadn’t been careful enough - he rushed to the scene as quick as he could when he got the phone call from the police that his girlfriend, his y/n had been caught at the crime scene of a murder.

He almost felt disgusted as he looked straight at you. You had blood smeared across your cheek and your eyes were completely dead while the police put you in handcuffs. He felt like he was gonna throw up when you noticed his presence, looked straight at him and grinned.

You weren’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be the psycho, not you. 

He needed some time away from you to compose his thoughts, could he trust you, was he afraid of you now? What would he do with you? If you thought that in the end, making him see you like that would make him go away - you’re delusional, he’s obsessed with you and when he’s come to his senses again he’ll punish you for ‘’ acting up ‘’. He will immediately lock you up so you can’t kill more people.

‘‘ If there’s someone you need dead, just tell me sweetie. I’ll fix it ‘‘

Jay

He would never suspect it and even when he caught you red-handed he thought it was just you acting up.

He had this made-up version of you in his mind so anything that strayed from that, he’d just shrug off. You weren’t an assassin, you weren’t a murderer you could barely take care of yourself - it just wasn’t logical.

Nevertheless he’d still be more cautious of you. You apparently weren’t as soft and easy to break as he had expected. But he would still let you do whatever you wanted to people as long as you didn’t get caught, would even help you at times and give you tips.

If you dare ever lay a finger on him though, you’d see hell like never before. Seeing you killing people actually made him aroused but, he still wanted you to know who was in charge. You couldn’t  really do anything you wanted, especially when it came to him and the people around him.

If you accidentally killed a person he’d done business with or even used to be close to, you’d get severely punished to then be left alone for a long period of time.

‘‘ You killed him? Good girl. You make me proud, but don’t forget your place...’‘

Jake

You told him yourself, the guilt was eating you away. Any time you had been out for hours during the night you’d always come home to him having fallen asleep on the couch while trying to stay up waiting for you - it broke your heart.

When you told him he was surprisingly chill about it. This would be the time where his yandere side started to show more. 

‘‘ Me and you are the same y/n ‘‘ he smiled creepily while saying this.

He was no longer scared of showing you his darker side since you had one too, previously he had pretended to be this super sweet and innocent, all-around perfect boyfriend - he was relieved he could finally be himself.

If you wanted to, he’d help you clean up the crime scenes and afterwards he’d pamper you. This side of him didn’t put you at ease, you were a good person really and you wished you finally had found a boyfriend that was sweet. When you saw that he was really really creepy, you wanted to leave but it was too late since he’d never let you now, he thought you were the one.

‘‘ If you try to leave me I will have to kill you. You know I can’t let anyone else have you ‘‘

Sunghoon

If you thought he didn’t already know, you were stupid. He knew everything and was super observant. He could easily tell when you were gone for a bit longer than you had said you were and he could also easily tell when you were lying, there was no escaping him - words or physically. 

He followed his suspicions as soon as they arose and followed you. He stood there watching as you killed the guy you had been ordered to kill. He noticed how your hands shook and how tears ran down your cheeks - it made him smile to himself, he knew you weren’t as tough as you pretended to.

It would become a normal thing for him to follow you, watching from afar. It was almost like a free ticket to the theatre or the cinema and he enjoyed it to a weird amount.

Was he proud of you? He wasn’t quite sure. It had more to do with the fact that you seemed so unsure like you were forced to commit such horrendous and unforgivable things. Mostly though he was excited to use this against you, he got off on humiliating you and watching your confidence deteriorate as he tore you apart.

‘‘ Can’t even hurt someone. You’re so fucking pathetic you know? Useless, and a coward ‘‘

Sunoo

No matter how many people told him, he just couldn’t believe it until he’d see it with his own eyes. The thing is that he didn’t want to see it, he wanted to believe you were just as sweet as when he saw you for the first time. You were his sweetheart, if you did things like that he’d try to turn a blind eye to it.

Still though, even if there was a tiny chance that you were one he’d have to act. Mostly he felt really guilty. Had he made you like this? Had he been too harsh or too mean? Immediately he’d shower you with even more love, if that was even possible, he didn’t care if it was smothering and overwhelming. He felt he had to do this since he had no other choice?

‘‘ You’re going out again baby? ‘‘ your boyfriend pouted at you and tried to pat the spot next to him on the couch in an attempt to make you change your mind.

You smiled sadly at his action.

‘‘ Yeah, sorry. I have this...thing ‘‘

Sadness and rejection flashed through his eyes but you ignored it, it wasn’t like he was going to stop you anyway, he let you do whatever you wanted.

‘‘ Okay...I’ll wait for you ‘‘

Ni-ki

He was proud but there were also other emotions there like initial shock and worry over if you’d try to carefully make a plan hurting him so you could escape.

He would catch you in the act. Coming home from a late dance practice, you were working in the basement and didn’t hear him. You had foolishly expected him to be busy for a few more hours, maybe even all night and you had been more careless this time as you decided to kill your target inside the house after luring them there.

When he first noticed the basement door being slightly open and faint voices coming from it, anger started bubbling up. His first thought was that you were cheating on him and had taken this opportunity of him being out to bring someone over. 

Carefully he’d walk over to the door but when he had reached it he couldn’t give a fuck anymore, he actually wanted to intimidate you and give revenge so he kicked it open.

He was met with the sight of you slouched over a man and he growled, thinking you were kissing him. You jumped at the sound of him and backed away looking terrified. 

His brows furrowed in confusion and also relief, but then he broke into laughter. 

‘‘ I’m proud of you. I never expected you to actually be able to kill someone ‘‘

[daisiesonafield-blog]

Summary: B-

My Policeman is a movie set in both 1957 and the late 1990s, based on a novel first published ten years ago. But when one of your featured actors is the biggest pop star in the world in 2022, strange things happen to the reality-distortion field around a film. Policeman, which had its North American premiere last night in Toronto, is in almost every way the most classic kind of high-toned British period piece: a tea-kettle swoon steeped in stolen gazes, flocked wallpaper, and long, meaningful walks along windswept coastlines. But it is also the story of a love that, back then at least, dared not speak its name between a closeted young officer (Harry Styles), his naive bride-to-be (The Crown's Emma Corrin), and the man he actually has endless gymnastic sex with (David Dawson). 

The result, adapted by lauded London theater director Michael Grandage, is fevered, lovely to look at, and at times deeply silly, a plush romantic drama that somehow manages to be both explicit and decorous, like horny Merchant Ivory. Its title could have been Everybody Loves Harry: He's the film's ever-elusive object of desire, a dimpled dreamboat named Tom who first comes to Corrin's Marion, a schoolteacher-in-training, on a Brighton beach, the elder brother of her childhood friend and a long-simmering crush who finally deigns to turn his attention her way. [...]

[...] What the characters will do with this very British cycle of repression, release, and almost heroic self-denial is rendered in the script, by Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia, The Painted Veil), in sometimes delicate but more often jarringly unsubtle ways. That's a hazard, maybe, of trying to adapt the internalized world of a novel for the screen: Subtext becomes bolded and underlined as characters rush to spell out their intentions or long-held secrets in ways that may serve the plot — or at least make for gorgeous, tragic metaphors — but rarely resemble real life.

While the casting of Everett and Roache seems as if it should have been swapped to more physically resemble their younger counterparts, and Corrin feels sidelined both as a character and an actress by design, the actors do a lot to bring nuance where it doesn't always exist. Dawson (All the Old Knives) is quietly affecting as a man so used to subterfuge and fear that he's become defiant in the face of it; he knows the rules of survival as a gay man in a midcentury England where his "lifestyle" is still a felony crime, and how to still find pleasure in the cracks in between.

Styles' style is more remote: His Tom often feels like a cipher, thoughtful and charming one moment and heedlessly cruel and manipulative the next. That also makes sense in a way; Tom is, after all, a stranger to himself. And Styles doesn't hold back in the sex scenes, which seem destined to live a long life outside the film on the internet and amongst his considerable fanbase. Otherwise Policeman, as emotionally earnest and elegantly made as it is, mostly just feels like a movie we've seen many times before: a pleasantly escapist two hours with pretty people in pretty clothes, madly sublimating their feelings until the final, luminous frame. Grade: B–

Entertainment Weekly review by Leah Greenblatt, not full review, read here.

[whetstonefires]

#side note op what's your source for 'wwx thought she wasn't bright ever since they were kids?' #I don't think they knew each other. I do remember him thinking she didn't seem that bright though

#I don't think she was dim. not the sharpest knife in the drawer but to be fair there were some very very sharp knives in there #she wasn't politically motivated and she trusted easily. so what #she was kind and had a strong sense of justice and she was *brave*. (@helendamnationx)

Okay tbh that was my very slapdash and ungenerous synthesis of three passages. (Old fan translation excerpted because I do not have 100 dollars for danmei.) This one, from right at the start of the confrontation with jgy:

Although he wasn’t familiar with Qin Su, they had met a few times in the past, both being the descendents [sic] of prominent clans. Qin Su was the beloved daughter of Qin CangYe. Her personality was naive, but she had lived a comfortable life and was taught excellent manners. She’d never act in such a mad, violent way.

And this one, from her first appearance earlier in the same chapter:

...a trace of innocence was blended into her expression. Even her graceful features appeared somewhat childlike.

With this bit from wayyyyyy back in 'Refinement' when Nie Huaisang first appears.

The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before.

From all this, and the parallel constructions of how 'everyone knew' Qin Su and Wei Wuxian's backstories adjacent to the second and third passages, I drew the conclusion that it's much more likely that Wei Wuxian's passing familiarity with Qin Su dates from the same before-age-fifteen casual social exposure alluded to with Nie Huaisang, than that she made any impression whatsoever on him during or after the Sunshot Campaign.

I also got the strong sense he regarded her as something of an intellectual lightweight, though admittedly he doesn't exactly say that, he just harps on the immaturity vibe. But like. We both got that feel, right? Right.

I think Qin Su is a very neat character with her one (1) entire actual scene of page time, which is part of why interpretations where she really just did that on her own bug me so much.

(The other part is that it falls into the pattern of readings that make the book dumber for the sake of exculpating blorbo lmao. If we want to excuse jgy from intentionally killing his wife the 'forgot about the evil dagger because he owns so much creepy shit' reading is right there.)

Also lmaoooooo some very sharp knives in that drawer. All of them however somehow idiots.

So re: Qin Su's death, one thing I'm absolutely certain of is that she did not just conveniently kill herself due to her high level of distress, at the exact moment most convenient to a person she was super mad at.

Because, frankly, mxtx is not that shitty a writer. She doesn't sweat the details or logistics of things, characters are allowed to coincidentally turn up in the right place to make the plot work and so forth, but these novels are intensely concerned with character motive and internal life. Everyone does things for their own reasons.

People do what the plot requires, but a defining feature of her writing is that everyone is fashioned into the shape of the kind of person who would do that thing in this situation. Sometimes whole scenes or subplots exist mainly to put on display the underlying cognitive patterns that justify as individual choices the kinds of things stock characters routinely do in genre novels, for no reason than that they are The Type Of Character who Does That.

If Qin Su was going to commit suicide about the bad news, there would have been hints that this was the direction her thoughts were trending during the preceding scene, where we're introduced to her reactions. And there aren't.

Her primary reaction is anger. She's scared to death when her husband paralyzes her and puts her on his dismemberment table to interrogate later for the name of her informant. She is contemptuous of his caring almost exclusively about what all these horrors could do to their reputation.

There is nothing in the scene to suggest she would, given the opportunity to denounce him to the cultivation world, choose instead to escape by knife.

The interpretation of this sequence that says she Just Did That really annoys me, because it requires ignoring basically every single piece of information about the character other than the fact that Wei Wuxian always thought since they were kids that she wasn't very bright.

Furthermore, it would be out of character for Jin Guangyao to have knowingly arranged a situation likely to go so badly for him, and wildly unusual for him to get so lucky if he had. This man has shit luck normally.

The sensible thing for him to do, in a universe where Qin Su just conveniently opted for suicide instead of ratting on him, would have been to take the ten to twenty minutes of prep time he had to work with to disappear her the same way he did nmj's head.

This might have required killing her first, since we don't know where he put it, but while I'm sure he didn't want to do that I'm equally sure he was entirely capable. He had a convenient scapegoat handy to blame for her disappearance.

He had no reason to allow her to be visible and capable of independent action when his cavalcade of guests arrived. But there she was, dazed but unrestrained. And then...cursed knife time.

Super convenient! She's dead and can't blab, and lots of important people saw her do it and saw how horrified he was and are disposed to be sympathetic. Works out much better for him than the risk of being blamed if she disappears.

So Wei Wuxian's assumption that jgy set the suicide up and compelled her somehow is the most logical inference. Neither of their characters is really compatible with the other scenario.

If Jin Guangyao had actual mind control powers he definitely would have used them a lot, so the most straightforward version of what happened is he used some technique or drug that would confuse her and suppress her cognition, then deliberately put 'cursed dagger that preys on your negative feelings and makes you kill yourself' within reach just before everyone entered.

I'm sure if it hadn't worked, and she'd just kind of stared into the distance while he talked his way out of the unproveable allegations and weaponized Mo Xuanyu's bad reputation and so forth, he'd have been happy with that outcome too, since it would still have meant a lot of important people saw her alive and not freaking out, and then he'd still have been able to torture her for information later. (Again, something I'm sure he didn't want to do, but absolutely would have.)

But this worked out well and got rid of two exposure threats at once while buying him sympathy points.

Although considering his shit luck, I wouldn't rule out that his plan only went as far as sedating her so she couldn't make trouble and he could show everyone how not paralyzed on his murder table she was, and he'd forgotten he had an evil dagger that compelled you to kill yourself lying around in reach of a woman whose ability to exert force of will he'd just reduced to nothing.

And he wasn't expecting that result at all.

[flysafepapi]

the sin factor 13/?

masterlist

Warnings: Referenced child abuse, general sense of self loathing, not much else that I’d need to tag.

Summary: It’s in the eyes, too, the same ambition and clawing desperation to be more, get more, hidden behind a carefully blank stare. He also knows that Duke has something Tommy never had although it’s more likely that it’s the other way around, because Tommy has lines that he won’t cross for reasons that are his own. Duke has no such reservations.

tagging: @zablife​​​​​​​ @the-makingsofgreatness​​​ @peakyrogers​​​​​​​ @hb-writes​​​​​​ @caelys​​​​ (let me know if you want to be added on or taken off)

“Stop staring at me.”

“Are we ever going to talk about it?”

Duke knows what Isiah means. It had been a mistake to change in front of him, to turn his back. He’s been so careful so far to never let them be seen, usually by turning the light off, or keeping the shirts on after they’ve been unbuttoned. He knew it was going to come up sooner or later. He just wishes it was later. 

“About what?”

“I never knew you had a tattoo.”

Tattoo is a poor word for the design on the back of his shoulder. It wasn’t much more than an ugly design seared into him, a stylised letter D surrounded by loops and swirls, darker than the rest of his skin from the coal dust that had been rubbed into the open wounds before they healed, and if he thought the pain from the red-hot metal was bad, it was nothing compared to the burn of the dust settling into the cuts. It’s designed to mark him as property. 

“What’s it meant to be?”

“Ownership.”

“What do you mean?”

Isiah is too observant for his own good, sometimes, and even in the dark he can tell Duke’s gone closed off again, pulling back and building those walls right back up to keep himself safe. He hates it when it happens, and normally he would’ve backed off and let the question go, but he needs to know. 

“Duke.”

“His name was Durham. Far worse a monster than I’ve ever been or will be. He was married, you see, but I’m guessing it was just for appearances, because from what I remember his tastes were for little boys. Not one of us was over the age of 14. He was a well-known part of the congregation at the church my mother liked to go to.”

He’s thankful that the lights are off, that the room is so dark that he can’t see a thing. If he was able to see the look on Isiah’s face while he talked, he never would’ve been able to say any of this. It’s tempting to stop and roll over, pretend to be asleep, when Isiah makes a noise in the back of his throat. Disgust, maybe, and the fact that he can’t be sure if it’s disgust for him or for the men that did that to him cuts like a knife. 

“Did he-“

“No. Not while she was alive, but looking back on it, I know the intent was there. It didn’t happen until later, a year or two after she died. I had just turned 12. Until then, I’d managed to survive by stealing what I could, but I hadn’t eaten in over a week. It was a gamble to try the church, but I was desperate, I was starving. I was naive to think there was ever any help for me there.”

Duke speaks like he’s reciting the life story of someone else, matter of fact and emotionless, but Isiah’s more attuned to him than anyone else ever has been. While he talks, Isiah can hear the tone underneath, and it’s young and hurt and so sad it breaks his heart. 

“I’ve never told anyone.”

“You can tell me.”

He does what he’s always done when things get too difficult and turns the question around, makes it into an attack.

“Why are you so interested? What do you want to hear? That everything was fine after I lost the only family I had, or thought I had?”

“That’s not-“

“Or do you want to hear what it was really like? That I would scream and no one ever came to rescue me? I had to do that myself. Do you want to hear about all the things they did to me? The knives and the belts, even a whip or two if they were feeling particularly cruel that day? Want to know all about how they’d turn sweet and consoling after they were done, acting like they didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident, don’t I know they’d never hurt me if I wasn’t so bad?”

The sudden light, from the little lamp on the table beside the bed, makes him roll over and close his eyes. He’s said too much, revealed things he never should’ve. 

“Just leave it alone.”

“Hey. I don’t care. Well, I care, of course I do. I want to find everyone who ever took advantage of you and make them pay for what they did. But it doesn’t change anything. You’re still-“

“Not good enough. I've got to go.” 

He slips out the door and disappears before Isiah can stop him.

~~~

“What are you doing here?”

“Not happy to see me? That almost hurts, dad.”

He can see the flinch that word elicits, and he might’ve laughed if it didn’t sting. Not for the first time, he wonders how things might’ve gone if all of this happened years ago. If he’d grown up with these people and not on the streets, being taking advantage of for being a starving kid, would that have changed anything? 

“You shouldn’t be here. I don’t-”

“Afraid you’re next on the list?”

“So you admit there’s a list.”

“There’s always a list. Who’s on yours?”

The ring Jeremiah had given him is still in pocket and he can feel it like it weighs as much as an anchor, burning hot like the brand that gave him the mark on the back of his shoulder. In this case, it’s a much more pleasant type of burn.

“Not going to tell me? I can understand that. I guess both of us have trouble letting people in. Such a shame they managed to get past our defences anyway, right? Leaves us weak. Yeah, I’ve heard all about your little spy, and what she did. I get it. Guess that’s just another thing we have in common.”

That makes his father flinch more than calling him ‘dad’ had. 

“I’m nothing like you.”

Duke ignores the chair in the small caravan and steps over to the small table with the pictures on the surface, tapping his fingers on the edge of the wood as he looks at them. 

“I’ve been told he was a good man, in his own way. I wish I could’ve met him.” Esme had told him, on the long ride here, about the man that was once her husband. At the time, he hadn’t responded much, but he remembered every word. “Everyone blames you for getting him killed, because they don’t understand that all the scheming in the world can’t save anyone if they won’t do anything to save themselves. He stayed behind, when you told him it was dangerous, didn’t he?”

“He did. That doesn’t make them blame me any less.”

“They’ll always blame us, it doesn’t matter whether you managed to save him or not. Don’t save him, they blame you for getting him killed. Save him, they’ll blame you for not trusting him enough to protect himself. Miss the death of your daughter by trying to break a curse, they’ll blame you for not being there. Stay with her while it happens, they’ll blame you for not doing everything you could to save her.”

“Don’t talk about her.”

“Burns, doesn’t it? Knowing you could give them the moon and they’d still paint you as the devil? Why are you still trying? It’s much more fun to give them what they want and become what they all believe you are.”

He’s heard Isiah talk about how similar their eyes are, and he can’t disagree when he turns around and looks at his father, who looks back at him with nothing on his face but the burning anger in his eyes. 

“Lizzie hasn’t been seen for over a week. Esme’s people said she didn’t even make it back?”

“Really? That’s not good. It’s a dangerous world out there, anything could’ve happened to them.”

“What did you do to them?”

“What makes you think I did anything?”

He doesn’t make it two steps before the click of the gun echoes through the small room.

“Don’t move. Stay where you are, I don’t want you close enough to slit my throat.”

“Oh, Tommy,” Duke says, sliding one hand into his pocket and feeling the familiar edges of the ring, turning it around in his fingers while he pretends not to notice the flicker of confusion using his father’s name creates, “If you think it’s going to go that quick for you when it’s your turn, you’re in for a rude and painful awakening.” He takes another step forward, closer to the makeshift bed in the corner where the other man sits. 

“I said don’t move. One more step, and you’ll be dead.”

“Don’t you know, dad? I’m already dead.” He takes another step.

[arashikitten]

Dark Danny Should’ve Come Back at Least Once

I think most of the Phandom can agree that The Ultimate Enemy was one of the best Danny Phantom episodes ever made, and for good reason. It was incredibly dark of a kid’s cartoon, especially one made by Bitch Hartman, and on top of that, it provided some very interesting lore and characters. We get to see Danny pushed to his absolute emotional limit in a way that I don’t think the show ever did before, save maybe for My Brother’s Keeper in season 1, and we get our first glimpse at Clockwork, who thanks to @five-rivers fanfic Mortified, has become one of my favorite DP characters. And of course, we get to see Dark Danny, or Dan.

But there’s one little thing about this episode that’s always bothered me: the very ending.

Because at the very end of TUE, we get a shot of the Fenton thermos that Dan is sealed away in rocking back and forth, before Dan’s face forms a massive dent in the side, his laughter echoing as the screen fades to the end credits.

You would think, with an ending like that, that Dan would come back in a later episode. That he would return in the series finale is this last big bad, this final demon for Danny to confront once and for all. 

But that’s not what happens. And it kinda pisses me off.

Dan should’ve come back. We should have gotten at least one more episode with this guy, exploring more of his character, more of his side of the story, anything at all. And you know what would be a great way to do this?

Vlad.

Imagine this, if you will.

Dan makes his escape from Clockwork’s lair, dead set on finishing what he started. Eventually, he discovers Vlad’s portal (let’s say that Vlad decided to rebuild his here) and, upon coming face to face with the man who made him like this in the first place, freaks out. Dan makes an attempt on Vlad’s life, and Vlad just barely manages to escape.

Once Vlad is sure this strange new ghost won’t find him so easily, he realizes that this new ghost had Danny’s insignia on his chest, and puts it together that Danny must be involved in this somehow. 

So Vlad makes his way to Amity Park to confront Danny about this new ghost. Danny assumes that Vlad is there to try to kill Jack or whatever, the two get into a massive fistfight, before Vlad finally tells Danny that he’s only here because a strange new ghost wearing Danny’s insignia popped out of his portal this morning attempting to kill him a second time.

And Danny freezes. He goes from snarky and flippant to sheer, raw terror that has Vlad actually worried. Danny demands to know what this new ghost looks like, and Vlad’s concern turns to fear when Danny’s face goes white with horror because this is the same kid who went up against Pariah Dark without a second thought, who has faced countless ghosts who’s powers could be considered godly with a fearless smile on his face, and Vlad may not have much respect for Danny but he knows what the kid lacks in intelligence he more than makes up for in bravery. 

Meaning that whoever this new ghost is must be incredibly powerful, incredibly horrific, and incredibly dangerous.

Danny tells Vlad to go to Danny’s house and tell them to put the ghost shields surrounding the town up, to not try anything funny, and don’t. Leave. The Shields. No matter what.

For once, Vlad decides to take Danny’s lead. He appears on the Fenton’s doorstep, Armani suit ruffled and hair disheveled, telling them that there is a very powerful ghost making it’s way toward Amity Park and they need to put the ghost shields up now, or risk a Pariah Dark-level threat again. 

Then Vlad makes his way toward the edge of town, because he still hasn’t gotten an answer from Danny as to who exactly that ghost was, and he’ll be damned if he can’t get an answer.

Meanwhile, Danny is just outside the ghost shields, waiting for Dan to arrive. He’s absolutely terrified, because what if Danny isn’t strong enough this time? What if he fails again, like he almost did before Clockwork turned back time? Would Clockwork do that for him again? Would he have to watch his future burn down this present that he’s taken so long to keep up?

Then Dan arrives. Right as Vlad makes it to the edge of the shield. 

And Vlad watches with awe as the two fight. He watches as Danny holds his own against this ghost that had almost decimated Vlad barely 2 hours prior, watches as Danny outmaneuvers, outsmarts this menace, watches as Danny fights tooth and nail in a way that Vlad is sure he’s never seen before, and he realizes that Danny has been holding back. Maybe not at first, maybe not during those first few months, but definitely for a while now, because Danny is holding his own now when Vlad couldn’t.

But then that leaves the question as to why? Why is Danny going all out now? Why was he so scared of this new ghost? More importantly, when did Danny encounter this guy? 

Because he had to have fought this ghost at least once before, to have had that reaction to Vlad’s description. 

And then, he hears the other ghost’s voice, one that sounds like a strange mixture of his and Danny’s, and he hears him say “It doesn’t matter what you do, Danny. You might’ve stopped that explosion, but there are still so many other things that lead to me. A car crash, an unlucky ghost attack, the ecto-filtrator, Vlad getting lucky, all of them could still happen. Your friends, your family, all gone, and you still turn into me.”

And suddenly, everything makes sense. That ghost that Danny’s fighting, that ghost that attacked Vlad, that is Danny, or it was, before something twisted him into an unrecognizable monster, and Vlad has a creeping suspicion that it has something to do with him.  And he realizes that Danny is so much more than he ever gave him credit for. He sees Danny, fighting his own future with a hope that Vlad would call naive if not for the fact that Danny had already thwarted whatever horrible future lead to this at least once before, and he understands that he was wrong about Danny.

Because this? Fighting against the personification of all the worst parts of yourself not once, but at least twice? It would require a maturity, a strength of will that Vlad knows he himself lacks, and he comes to the stunning realization that for all the childish quips and petty pranks, Danny is far more mature than Vlad ever was, far stronger than Vlad ever was.

And then, Danny does the ghostly wail.

And if Vlad was surprised before, then he's absolutely terrified now. That’s enough power to destroy an entire city, that single wail, and the sound is a bone-chilling scream that rubs the older halfa wrong in every way possible because that sound should not come from someone as young as Danny.

And now Vlad is caught between two realizations: that Danny is so much stronger than Vlad could ever be in every sense of the word, and that the only reason Danny is that strong is because he has to be, because he’s a child being forced to go against all manner of ghostly and cosmic horror all on his own, and Vlad suddenly feels intensely guilty because he should’ve been helping Danny, and instead he’s done nothing but make his life harder.

At that point, Jack and Maddie arrive. They freak out because Vlad is so close to Phantom and this other extremely powerful ghost, what the hell is he thinking!? And Vlad is trying desperately to get them to leave, because Danny looks exhausted and Vlad might be an ass, but he’s starting his redemption arc now and that means making sure Danny’s secret, and by extension Danny himself, is safe from his parents. Vlad knows what it’s like to be on an examination table, knows how terrifying it is to have doctors looming over you with knives and bright lights while you have no idea what’s going on, and he’ll be damned if he lets Danny (who he again reminds himself is very much still a child) go through that with his own parents.

But it’s too late. Danny detransforms right there on the street, in full view of Jack and Maddie and everyone else who’s gathered there (Dan’s been sucked back in the thermos at this point).

Danny turns around, covered in scratches and burns and bruises, blood in his mouth from where Dan punched him in the lip, left arm hanging in an unnatural angle, and he sees everyone: He sees Vlad, icy blue eyes so similar to Danny’s own filled with uncharacteristic worry.

He sees Sam and Tucker, both with wide, scared eyes, and he can just barely see the faint shimmer of tears gathering in their eyes.

He sees Jazz, face pale and her knuckles white as she grips the Fenton peeler with all her strength.

He sees Valerie, her helmet down and exposing a flurry of emotions ranging from shock to anger to horror to pain.

He sees his mom and dad, clinging to each other as they stare at Danny, at their son, and come to the realization that their son is dead, their son is a ghost and he has been for a while now and how did they never notice? How could they not notice that they had been shooting at their own son for at least a year now, that their boy had been putting his afterlife on the line for them while also trying to keep up with school, and evade capture by the GIW, all at the same time?

And Danny is scared, he’s so scared, because his parents look horrified of him and they think he’s a monster, and they hate him, because why else would they be looking at him like that?

He feels his fathers arms wrapping around him and he’s sure, he’s so sure that they’re about to haul him off to their lab to be pinned down and dissected by his own parents, because they saw Dan, they saw what he would become, they saw what he is now, they know now. But then his mom and dad start apologizing, because they never noticed, and they should’ve, they should’ve seen that Danny’s low grades and missed curfews and skipped classes were because he was putting his life on the line for everyone in this town over and over and over again. They apologize for not making him feel safe in his own house, because how many times did they rant about dissecting their own son right in front of him? How many times had Jack and Maddie shown Danny a dissected blob ghost and effectively told him that he was the next one on the list? How much hell did their own son have to go through on his own, because his own parents couldn’t see what was right there?

And Danny finally realizes that no, he’s not going to end up on a dissection table, that his parents do accept him as he is now. 

But there’s still this lingering fear because they don’t know. They don’t know what Danny might turn into, and he can’t keep that from them anymore, because Dan is a secret he can’t keep anymore.

Jack and Maddie are confused when their son pulls away, and for a moment they’re worried that Danny’s upset with them, that he’s angry at them, because why wouldn’t he be?

Then they see this nervousness, they see how he’s shaking and tense, and they might not always be able to read the room that well but they can tell that there’s something else going on here that Danny wants to tell them, even if he’s scared to.

So Jack and Maddie ask Danny if he wants to talk about whatever it is back at the house, and Danny says yes, but Vlad, Sam, Tucker, and Jazz should also be there, because Danny needs some level of support and he knows that Vlad won’t stop pestering him about Dan until he tells him.

Valerie steps in at this point, finally getting over her shock to demand to know what the hells going on, was Danny Phantom the whole time? Who was that other ghost? Why did that other ghost say that Danny would turn into him?

Sam and Tucker, who have been through the emotional wringer watching their best friend fight his evil future self, then reveal his identity to his parents, are kinda pissed at Valerie, because Danny’s already stressed out enough as is, she doesn’t need to be adding on to it. A fight almost breaks out between the three of them, which only stopped when Vlad of all people, steps in saying that while Valerie does have a right to know what’s going on, all of this yelling will do nothing but cause problems.

The three simmer down, and they all head over to the Fenton’s house, where Danny tells them everything: the portal, Pariah Dark (Vlad suddenly finds a particularly interesting spot on the floor), and Dan. He tells them about how Jack, Maddie, Jazz, Sam, and Tucker died in an explosion in that timeline, how that timeline’s Danny turned to Vlad to take him in, how Alt!Danny asked Vlad to remove his human half so he wouldn’t feel that pain anymore. How Alt!Phantom had been driven insane by the separation (he leaves out the part where Phantom fuses with Vlad’s ghost half: he’s not sure Vlad wants him to tell them about his halfa status), killing his human half before destroying most of humanity. How Danny had been forced to fight Dan a year ago, when he had attempted to blow up his friends in family in this timeline to ensure Dan’s recreation here.

When he’s finally done, about an hour and a half later, Danny looks around the room: at Valerie, at Vlad, at his best friends, at his sister, at his parents, and he sees not only acceptance, but respect. Pride. Because they saw that Danny was willing to look his fate in the eye, and say that he would change it no matter what. They saw him fight tooth and nail to protect them, they saw him defend them from his own demons with a bravery most grown adults don’t have, much less a 14 year old boy.

And they accept him.