#also! it looked better in white and gold! (a 1/10 instead of a 0) a color that the company didnt sell until AFTER it went viral!

[murderessdominatrix]

From what I remember the og pic was overexposed (see how the background is just searing light?) so the dress in the picture came out brighter than it looked in real life, and the differences in perception are partially due to your screen brightness.

If you see white and gold, you can turn the dimness all the way down (and block out the background if you're still having trouble) and it's easier to see the blue and black colors of the dress

If you see blue and black, turning the brightness up makes it easier to see the gold and white

Bringing this bitch back in this here 2023

[trashyandtiredsol]

Second Live Reaction Thing

OKAY FINALE ACT OF ARCANE SEASON 2 LET'S FUCKIN GOOOO :D

Starting with episode 7:

(Ps: this turned out WAY longer than expected, like, over double as long)

1. YO THAT MUSIC DISK THING AT THE START HAS EKKO AND POWDER THIS TIME INSTEAD OF VI AND POWDER :0

Hope that means we finally get Ekko

2. YO YO YO THERE IS EKO LESS FUCKIN GO

Also- TIME FUCKERY SHIT IS HAPPENING I KNEW OTHER TUMBLR PEEPS WERE ONTO SOMETHING

Okay I'll tone down the yelling text now andhsjfjskg (hopefully- okay this is a lie, it will happen again)

3. ALTERNATE JINX I REPEATE ALTERNATE JINX HOLY SHIT- or is it Powder-

4. Bro Ekko is fucking GOING THROUGH IT my gosh

ALSO WHERE'S HEIMERDINGER

5. VANDER TO???!!?!??

6. MYLO AND CLAGGOR WHAT THE FUCK-

7. OOoooh it's Powder then, not Jinx, subtitles just confirmed it 👍

8. Oh hey Heimerdinger!! :D

9. OH FUCK YEAH HEIMERDINGER KNOWS TO ABOUT THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE SHIT SHOW THAT'S GOING DOWN

10. Oooh and now they're discussing what the absolute FUCK happened to Jayce

Also- Heimerdinger: "The anomaly behaved differently around him.'

YEAH probably cuz his doomed yaoi partner in science is connected to the Arcane AND they both literally created HexTech, with the HexTech core thing sucking Jayce and Ekko and Heimerdinger into wherever the fuck they are right now, like- yeah DUH it's gonna act differently around Jayce

11. Yay Vi mention!! :D

Wonder if she and Cait are dating or married in this universe-

12. Welp- time for the Jayce shit show to commence

13. OH THIS BETTER BE VIKTOR BEING OMINOUS AS SHIT RN

OKAY no Viktor... HOWEVER

14. THE FUCK KINDA APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE IS JAYCE IN RN?????????

15. IS THAT PILTOVER!!???!!?!?!!

16. Lol Ekko questioning this Powder like she's Jinx- my man you're paranoid as all hell- but yeah, understandable

17. WAIT WHAT VI'S DEAD HERE D:

18. Ekko my boy PLEASE don't fuck up this universe and whatever relationship's this you has going on hfhajfjskgja

19. OOoooh jeez yep now Powder's upset at him

20. FUCKIN WHAT- okay now it's another alternate universe way more similar to the main one, with Jinx dead now

21. Oh nope- back to the "good future" one of sorts

22. Heimerdinger that song is way to upbeat for the shit fest going on right now- especially with Jayce

23. YO WE'RE GETTING TI SEE JAYCE'S OLD APARTMENT NOW IN THE UNIVERSE EKKO AND HEIMERDINGER ARE IN :D

Hope alternate Jayce in this universe isn't dead tho- the whole place looks abandoned

24. And now we're back to main Jayce, in an apocalyptic Zaun now! Think he's looking for Viktor

25. OH SHIT- VI DIED ON A JOB TO CHECK OUT JAYCE'S APARTMENT ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE EKKO SENT THEM ON

26. Oooo main Ekko found an early development HexTech crystal!! :D

Sweet sweet help yourself get home my dude!!

27. Damn Jayce is finding a LOT of standing dead people- or.. husks of dead people from what it looks like

28. OOoooh what else is watching you Jayce huh? Also please don't die figuring that out

29. OOOOH SHIT THE HUSKS ARE MOVING OH SHIT RUN JAYCE RUN

30. Oh so THAT'S why he has a brance on his leg earlier in the season after coming outta the parallel universe(s)

Fuckin his HexTech hammer absolutely knocked that knee out falling down that hill

31. Well shite that was a fucking hard as fuck impact Jayce

32. "How can I forsake a brilliant lad in need.. again." Well Heimerdinger definitely has some guilt, also that cut right to Jayce when he said "again" so I believe he's talking about him, even though I believe Heimerdinger forsake Jayce AND Viktor

33. Ohh shiiiit that leg looks baaaad as fuck

34. BRO WHO'S THAT WHITE CLOAKED FIGURE THAT JUST APPEARED THEN VANISHED?????

Hope it's Viktor honestly-

35. Does he SERIOUSLY spend the entire time he's in the parallel universe(s) trying to get outta a fucking huge hole in the ground??????? Fuckin hope not

36. The husks are watching him start to go insane in the solitude??? Fuckin REALLY?????

37. OH SHIT THERE'S THE HALLUCINATING, YA GOT black eyed Mel with the gold pupils and Viktor before the arcane bullshit with fully black eyes and Mel's makeup for some reason

38. OOoooh okay he made a brace outta his Hammer alrighty

39. Yay he's outta the hole!!! :D

40. Aww Ekko painted main Vi as an apology to Powder 🥺

41. Where the fuck are you going Jayce???

OOoooh the husks are watching- glad they're not attacking!! Which I think may have to do with Viktor?

42. YAY Ekko got Powder to help him and Heimerdinger with the HexTech crystal shards!! :D

43. Yay they're making progress!! Also I think Ekko just went back in time a little- oh yep yeah definitely

44. Well fuck that's definitely a way to know the limit being 4 seconds ajfjsjfjsjf

45. OOOH AND THERE'S SILCO! Weird eye thing going on but still Silco

46. And now Ekko made it awkward ajdjsjfjdkfk BRO IT'S A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE- like yeah obviously that's the fucking case with the eye Ekko don't bring up past trauma you're probably not even supposed to know about here

47. OOoooh and there's Powder making an entrance!! At least her and Jinx got that in common

48. Awww Powder and Ekko being adorable as fuck rn ahdhajgisjgu

49. YOO KISS TIME LESSGOOOOO

50. Fuckin flash banged by the change to Jayce in the post apocalyptic world from that wholesome moment ajfhsjfhsjfj

51. Well- looks like Jayce found his alternate universe self, dead- but still definitely him- at least I think- cuz that husk is I believe holding this universe's version of his hammer????? Oh yep definitely his hammer

52. OH THAT WHITE CLOAKED FIGURE HAS TO BE VIKTOR- IDK IF IT'S THIS ALTERNATIVE APOCALYPTIC UNIVERSE'S OR THE MAIN VIKTOR AFTER HIS DEATH BUT I REALLY HOPE IT'S VIKTOR

And if so- yep Viktor is definitely implying here that Jayce needs to kill main Viktor

53. AND WE GOT MAIN EKKO IN HIS ARCANE (Main universe in this case) LOOK AGAIN FUCK YEAH

Alrighty and that concludes this Live Reaction of episode 7!! Or in other words the first episode of season 2 act 3!! :D

Gonna probably go eat something then get back to watch the next episode

[ellephantseals]

Rating The Nine Realms original dragons

I’m going to rate the designs of the original dragons from the Nine realms. And by Original i mean the dragons first seen in this series.

1. Thunder

I know Toothless was a loveable character and the thing that probably bought in alot of money… but what gave them the right to do this?

Firstly, they do know that the Nightfuries are extinct right? Unless they had some kinda super dominant genes i really don’t think Thunder should be mostly black, why not more white like his mother?

Also the fucking trident tail, and the back/spine posture, this dragon mustbe inbred or something because this is atrocious.

Also why the name Thunder? He shoots lightning for Thor’s sake why not… lightning? Or even Thor itself.

Horrible, i hate them 0/10

2. Wu and Wei

Okay…. I know what they were going for…. But really?

I know it’s inspired by the chinse mythology of dragons, but is this the way to go about it? I feel like the whispering death reaches that goal better than this? And omg the colours, the gold?! Why, it totally clashes with the bright blue and red.

Also the two headed dragon thing…. The thing about Barf and Belch is that one expels the gas they need to create fire, and the other one lights it. Fire and what is it…. Ice? Water? I don’t even remember but those don’t work together.

And the stiff wing? That thing should not be able to fly.

0/10

3. Plowhorn

I think this is a slightly better design, but i still don’t like it all too much. I feel like it’s mostly the literal crystals growing from it’s body…. Why? Doesn’t that hurt? I feel like if you replaced the crystals with something else it would look better, otherwise i suppose Plowhorn gets the pass… except for the name wtf D’Angelo?

4/10

4. Feathers

This is my favourite design out of the riders, although i know other people don’t like it. I just wish…. They conveyed that she actually has feathers?! Instead of just stiff succulent plant things at the top of its head. Also the posture once again.

I know it’s supposed to be inspired by the quetzacoatl, but i feel like that didn’t work out how they wanted it to.

I admit i wasn’t a fan at first, but after the episode where the find the “zombie” Feathers i liked her design a bit more, i’m impressed the team actually put effort into worldbuilding for once.

5/10

[jade-parcels]

For bunny AU! If request are still open, is there a favourite room in the basement among the premium members? Like what room they prefer to make out in, and who will they being in that specific room!

The different rooms in The Basement

In The Basement of Celestia’s Bunny Cafe, there are 10 rooms. 1 security booth and 9 separate bedrooms, each with different themes, where you can take a bunny boy of your choosing to spend some…’Quality time’ together.

Room 1: the basic suite 🏡

This room is modeled to look like any modern bedroom in a nice house. It gives that ‘we live together and are happily married together’ vibes that many customers enjoy! White, pristine sheets, a beautiful wooden bed frame, hanging plants and fake windows all set the scene. It almost feels like coming home after a long day of work to have some fun with your lover. Except you paid for this 0-0 this room is a classic because it was the first one to open! The basic suite and the regal suite were the only two rooms open for the first 2 months of…Basement activity offered at the cafe

This room is loved by all of the bunnies cause it’s a neutral, welcoming space. Diluc loves it!! Zhongli enjoys it but it looks a lot like his own bedroom…hmm…

Room 2: the regal suite 🌹

This room is made to feel like a royal bedroom! Something straight out of the palace of Versailles! Intricate decorations, the theme of pink and gold everywhere. Cream colored marble tiles, a veil covering the bed, pretty vases full of flowers, an old armoire in the corner where toys and extra sheets are kept. The light fixture is nice touch, it’s made to look like a little chandelier! Fake candles are also places around the room for an warm, golden glow. Faint violin music is played but it can be turned off if you’d rather fuck in silence. You’ll feel like a million bucks in here!!

Kaeya loves this room of course, he just has good taste! Albedo also likes this room, he likes the pretty glow of the fake candles :)

Room 3: the ‘bare bones’ suite 💀

This room is for those who just want to get down and dirty. This room is exactly what it sounds like. The bare minimum. A mattress on the floor and that’s it. This room is for those who plan on getting rough or messy, there’s no need to worry about breaking the bed frame or knocking anything over, the whole room is free reign. Each room has its own bathroom attached, this one is minimal as well. A shower, toilet and sink. No decorations. It’s literally…an empty room. Go wild

This is Dottore’s favorite because he doesn’t have to worry about paying his bosses back if he damages something. There’s nothing to damage!! Except you 0-0…kidding

Room 4: the 80s suite 🧡

This room is modeled after a modern day 80s aesthetic, not the old 80s where everything was wood and dingy looking. Fun, vibrant posters litter the walls, the sheets are red, orange and blue, there’s a lava lamp and funky lighting! 80s music is played and the best part is there’s a pole in the room along with an orange, plastic chair. Sit back and enjoy a show cause you very well could be getting a lap dance to Queen songs. Freddie would have wanted it this way

Ajax loves this room! He knows how to get down and groove!!…kinda.

Room 5: the club suite 👯

Laser lights, mirrored ceiling, a stripper pole and loud music, the atmosphere of this room is meant to feel like a club! It’ll get your blood pumping, that’s for sure!! When you lay back in bed, you’re met with your own reflection on the ceiling, you have a perfect view of yourself getting fucked or, instead, you can turn your attention to the pole and get a dance from your bunny too!! Bring some singles with you and make it rain!!

The better question here is ‘who doesn’t like this room?’. All of the bunnies love this room, it’s fun and energetic, it’s loud and you can be as loud as you want. Probably the most fun room available!

Room 6: the honeymoon suite 💞

This room is full of red and pink! From the heart shaped bed to the rose petals on the sheets, champagne in glasses by the bedside, the whole experience is meant to feel like a honeymoon fling. Guests love the overall feel of this room and some worry this may ruin their future honeymoon for them 0-0 uh oh!!

Baizhu loves this room because it feels very intimate! And those who pick this room usually aren’t looking for a fast, hard fuck, more like something slow and loving which he prefers as well. Diluc loves the intimate aspect of this room too, he’s here to please and he’ll take on the role of your fictional husband if that’s what pleases you. He kinda likes it too…

Room 7: the glow suite 🔮

This room is lit by black lights. Every decoration, the sheets and tiles are meant to glow. The walls are covered in swirly paint designs, the sheets are patterned and the tiles have mirrored chips in them so the whole room has a fun, funky glow to it! You’re encouraged to wear glow rings!! And glowing condoms are provided for free, they’re in a bucket buy the door! What could be more fun than a glow room???

Scramouche is a big fan of this room! It reminds him of an arcade or roller rink, which were some of his favorite places when he was younger. Ajax likes this room cause he thinks having a glow dick is funny. What an idiot lmao

Room 8: the sea suite 🌊

Like the glow suite, this room is relatively dark. However, projections of water and fish are all over the ceiling and walls. You and your bunny will both look stunning in the calming, blue light. There are faint sounds of the waves being played throughout the room, the sheets are blue silk, the floors are sparkly blue tile. The original plan was to have a water bed in here but Ninnguang realized that would be a poor investment 0-0 not everyone chooses to be gentle and nothing would kill the mood faster than popping the waterbed you’re fucking on 0-0

Dain’s favorite room by far. He loves the sound of the ocean and blue is his favorite color! Being bathed in royal blue together…Ah…Yes, this is nice

Room 9: the star suite ⭐️

The star suite is similar to the sea suite except this one has projections of galaxies and stars all over the place. The bed is in the center of the room and is in the shape of a circle. The sheets are silky smooth and soft music plays in the background. The black, glittery tiles are cool beneath your feet and the purple glow of the room is soothing as much as it is beautiful. You look so pretty in the purple light with projected stars twinkling on your skin <3 after you two are finished, you can lay on your back and watch for shooting stars

Xiao’s favorite room…He’s a bit sappy. He enjoys watching the stars with his customers after finishing, laying back to catch his breath, looking over at you to see you covered in stars. That’s a view that’ll never get old. Dain also likes this room, he does a lot of stargazing at home so this is relaxing to him too :)

[skekheck]

In that same vein, how about gelfling ranking??? OwO

Warning this post may contain lightly spiced opinions. Also not going to list all of them because there’s a lot...

BUT HERE WE GOOOOOO

1. Seladon: Say what you want with how AOR handled her redemption arc, but she’s by far the most interesting and complexly written gelfling character in the series. She was raised with a lot of pressure, being the eldest daughter of the all Maudra. She had to train hard and taught by a mother who never really showed her love or recognize her accomplishments. Most scenes she’s in with Mayrin her mother criticizes her constantly. Seladon was raised to serve the skeksis and that their word is law and true. And then suddenly her mother and her younger sister who she had a strained relationship are planning to flip it upside down. Lead by the being who represents all of Thra who hasn’t been seen or heard of in forever. And then her mother was murdered for treachery and further being manipulated by the beings she was taught to serve. Does any of this excuse what she did? Of course not, but constantly seeing people berate her over actual genocidal turkeys is very telling how people’s biases get in the way of what’s going on. But at the same time, a character generating this much discussion for her gray morale is proof of how great of a character she is. Also she rocks the goth look. 

2. Kylan: Sweetest boy. Because he’s a minor character in AOR, I’m going to be talking about him from the books. His characterization was inconsistent in Shadows, but they became clearer in Song thanks to the fact his story was told from his perspective. He never really fit into anything: his parents were taken from him at an young age, his step-mother was not very kind to him despite loving him, he never fit in as a Spriton. Now, being part of a resistance of fighters, he once again feels inadequate as a songteller. How can a songteller fight the skeksis? Kylan struggled with self-worth, constantly comparing himself to his peers. But through his travels, he discovers that he has a place in the resistance and there are things that he can do that no one else can. He took on and defeated skekLi the Satirist through playing is firca (and aided by the mystics). Kylan was able to engrave dreametches (a rare and hard to learn skill) into the petals of the Sanctuary Tree to get the word out about the skeksis. He even saved Tavra’s life. He may be the broth boy in AOR, but he’s the smart, shy but very sweet songteller and I think more people should acknowledge that. 

3. Tavra: Absolute MVP in both AOR and the book series. There are things I wish AOR kept about her, like her relationship with Onica (but I feel this can still be remedied if they find the right way to include it). She was the glue in her relationship with her sisters, keeping them together even after she “passed away”. Although it took her a while to get there, Tavra shined even brighter in the books. After losing her original body, she lives the rest of her life as a spider. Like Kylan, she was having her own self-doubts of what she could do with her new body. She does manage to find ways to work around her predicament, but seeing what sacrifices she would have to make (like not being able to see her sisters ever again) is heart breaking. Whatever her situation may be, in both iterations her bravery is commendable and I absolutely adore her character.

4. Periss: So this is my complete bias coming in, but I loved this character. Although he’s not my favorite from the book series anymore, he still remains high on my list. He’s a rebel: he hates his clan and their complacent ways. He knew their Great Tree was alive, but no one listened to him as they thought he wasn’t able to let go. He fought with his brother, sandmaster Erimon, to the point he decided to run away. Periss became a thief who grew a fondness for materialism, as opposed to a clan who lives on minimalism. When the main group finds him after stealing from them, they force him to get them to the Dousan Clan and indirectly confront his problems. It’s there that we find he’s not completely selfish and cares for those around him. I adore smug thief characters with a heart of gold and Periss quickly grew on me. Please be in future seasons.

5. Onica: While a minor character in AOR, she plays a bigger role in the book series. Her characterization is similar, but we get to see more of her: she has a backstory and established relationships with other characters. She lost her wings while stuck in a storm, losing her wings by saving one of her friends. Although she mourns over the loss, she will never regret doing what she did and even concluding that meeting Tavra was worth it. She’s also got a little sass to her and I love how she doesn’t take shit from no one. I hope we get to see this version of Onica in future seasons.

6. Naia: Once again, book series does her more justice. She’s a headstrong badass who cares about her family and goes through great lengths to find her brother. Like a lot of her friends, she has her own problems of fitting in into the grand scheme of things and eventually doubting herself when she believed her one special gift was taken from her. Also she had a super interesting expansion on her dreamfasting ability where not only could she dreamfast with animals but also with the skeksis/mystics (with Gurjin involved). She doesn’t take shit and she gets stuff done no matter how hard it is. 

7. Maudra Argot: Sassy, doesn’t take any shit, should have been the All Maudra. How dare Mayrin rob that from her?

8. Maudra Seethi: My favorite maudra only for the tiniest bit of lore about her and design. I want to know more about you. Gimmie more lore.

9.  Rek’yr: He’s really cool, but there’s not much to him. Hopefully we get a prequel comic starring him soon.

10.  Kira: Should have been the protagonist of the movie. She’s a cute bog princess with a noisy rolly polly dog, can speak to animals, used said animals to kill a skeksis, knows how to use throwing weapons, what’s not to love? Sequel comics ruined her, though.

11.  Brea: I love her inquisitiveness and her need to find the truth. I said this before, but my friend and I joked she was BOTW!Zelda and that still sticks with me. The two are so much alike. Brea is my favorite out of the main trio, but I wished she was as developed as her sisters.

12.  Gurjin: I like him just fine. I don’t really get why people are so thirsty for him but everyone’s got different interests. He is really funny though and kiddos to him for staying strong while being tortured by the skeksis. He’s kind of the odd one out as I like him better in AOR than I did in the book series. I mean we didn’t really get to know him until Flames and by then he just couldn’t leave an impression on me.

13.  Mira: Should have been alive instead of Rian. I kinda really wanted an all girl trio.

14.  Maudra Ethri: I wish they kept her gem eye that was really cool.

15. Maudra Fara: She’s cool. That’s all I can really say.

16.  Maudra Mayrin: Conflicted. One hand I understand why she acts the way she does but on the other hand that doesn’t excuse her from treating Seladon so poorly. Even when she finally steps up to the skeksis I don’t think it really makes up for what she did. A golden star for trying, though.

17.  Elder Cadia: Who?

18.  Deet: Okay I might get some salty fans on me but... I don’t particularly care for Deet? Like she’s cute and should be protected, but that’s really it. She’s just cute. It’s cool to see things from her perspective: the surface world of Thra is so new and newcomers to the series can see its wonders and dangers through her. But there’s not much else. Hopefully this changes but I’m not very impressed.

19.  Rian: Now I don’t mind him, but I think I fell into the camp of I wish Mira was alive instead. He’s the typical hero character who’s needlessly surrounded by tragedy. The show never really gets him to mourn properly. And then he just moves on from Mira to Deet just like that? He’s also not really interesting as a character. He’s my least favorite of the main trio.

20.  Ordon:  I like him, but I don’t think he was very rememberable. I think he resolved his issues with his son too quickly and as soon as they reunite Ordon is killed off. His sacrifice wasn’t even worth it because skekMal survived anyway. Ordon’s death felt cheap, adding needless trauma and sorrow for Rian who was already dealing with the loss of Mira. Ordon deserved better.

21.  Amri: Okay here’s another take people might get salty over: he’s boring. he had promise being a weird experimenter, but we don’t really get to see much of that except for a few instances. Amri had a collection of jars full of weird junk he made. They were brought up in Song and never again. I’m not sure why he became the protagonist of Tides I feel like he should have remained as a side character. He just never made an impression on me.

22.  Jen: As interesting as white bread. I haven’t read the novelization of the movie yet so this opinion may change, but he’s just... not interesting. Also the sequel comics totally ruined him for me.

23. Kensho: I keep forgetting him most of the time. He’s boring.

24. Maudra Mera: Fuck this racist bitch. Worst gelfling 0/10.

[emblem-333]

The Third Bronze Medal Game

Super Bowl VII

Pittsburgh Steelers vs Dallas Cowboys

What changes: Don Shula does not give the reins back to Bob Griese and sticks with Earl Morrall. The Dolphins offense continues to struggle against the Steel Curtain and fall 17-10, thus ending their perfect season. Another alternative for Pittsburgh is what-if Terry Bradshaw wasn’t knocked out of the game with a concussion?

For Dallas, Tom Landry turns away from Roger Staubach after his heroics versus the 49ers erased a fifteen-point deficit. Craig Morton held the job as starter even after the ‘71 Super Bowl season because he didn’t break away from the designed plays. Roger was a loose cannon and at times could not be trusted. In his two games against division rival Washington, Morton compiled a respectable for the time, 21 of 44 passing, 235 yards, two touchdowns and the same number of interceptions, and a rushing touchdown. Dallas also averaged 27 points in two games against the NFC’s best defense.

The Morton-Staubach controversy is one of those quandaries at the time you could’ve seen yourself on either side. With the hindsight of history, Staubach obviously is far and away the superior option. Except, even after his Super Bowl winning stint as Dallas’ starter, the reliability of Morton, the known quantity enticed Landry more than the high ceiling of Staubach. Morton was a carbon copy of previous Cowboys great Don Meredith. No really! Look at their statistical outputs:

Craig Morton ‘69, ‘70, ‘72

(Morton started just four games in 1971 before Staubach usurped him)

Win/Loss: 28-9-1

Yards: 6,834

TDs: 51

INTs: 42

Cmp%: 53.07%

Attempts: 846

Completions: 449

Don Meredith ‘66-‘68

Win/Loss: 27-9-1

Yards: 7,139

TDs: 61

INTs: 40

Cmp%: 52.4

Attempts: 908

Completions: 476

In ‘71, the ten-games Staubach spent as starter he threw the ball just 211 times. His throws were brilliant, long range and electrifying contrasted with the methodic Morton. But to put into context how little trust Landry had in Staubach, Colin Kaepernick in the 7 regular season games he took over for Alex Smith in 2012 he attempted 218 passes.

The Cowboys never fancied themselves a team who did their damage in the air anyhow. The speedy backfield tandem of Calvin Hill (1,400) and Walt Garrison (1,174) accumulated 2,574 yards from scrimmage combined. More yards than Miami’s Larry Csonka (1,165) and Mercury Morris (1,168) mark of 2,333.

Staubach laid the biggest - maybe his only - egg of his career against Washington in the NFC Title Game. George Allen’s “Over The Hill Gang” mercilessly punished Roger sacking him three times, Dallas offense completing just 8 first downs. Washington would go on to be Miami’s final victim in their 17-0 season in the subsequent Super Bowl.

Dallas arguably, with Morton win against Washington and we have a rematch of the previous year’s championship game. Staubach needed the setbacks of ‘72 and ‘73 as learning curves. Morton, however, was already experienced enough.

For Pittsburgh, it was the first year of the Steel Curtain reshaping the identity the Steelers had of being a bunch of bottom-dwellers. Chuck Noll was hired in 1969 the Steelers from their inception in 1933 up until that point made the playoffs just once, in 1947. Noll inherits the worst team in the NFL. Many fans wanted a quarterback heading into the ‘69 draft where Pittsburgh occupied the fourth pick. Cincinnati product Greg Cook was tagged by many as a Steeler in waiting. Instead, Noll opted not for a quick fix and selected linebacker from North Texas Joe Greene. Fans were irate. Greg Cook is a story for another day. For the sake of brevity, Cook was described by Hall of Fame head coach Bill Walsh as the greatest quarterback he’s ever seen. This is the man who worked with Joe Montana. Cook dazzled in his rookie campaign leading the NFL in passing. Playing the second half of the ‘69 season with a partially torn rotator cuff, Cook only played one more game after his rookie year before Paul Brown told him to “get on with your life.” Perhaps if Kansas City Chiefs defenseman Jim Lynch hadn’t tackled Cook his bust would be in Canton, Ohio today.

Greene is the first player drafted in the formation of the Steel Curtain. Mel Blount, Mike Wagner, and Jack Ham followed. In 1972, only Miami’s “No Name Defense” held opponents to fewer points and by the slim margin of 4. The Steelers created an aura of being a team of destiny after their miraculous last play victory over the Oakland Raiders, dubbed “The Immaculate Reception.” Heading into the forth and final period, the Steelers lead Miami 10-7 and were a quarter away from the Super Bowl. Bradshaw had left the contest giving control to Terry Hanratty, he completed and attempted the same as Bradshaw, 5 of 10, but for fewer yards, 57 to the Blond Bomber’s 80. Bradshaw did throw a touchdown, though he also tossed two interceptions. Hanratty put Pittsburgh’s kicker Roy Gerela had his attempt blocked, the score stayed 14-10.

Shula pulled the struggling Morrall and Griese lead the Dolphins downfield, thanks to a 52-yard completion to deep threat Paul Warfield set the stage for one of Jim Kiick’s touchdowns putting them back in the driver's seat. Bradshaw heroically returned in an attempt to resurface the fledgling Steelers. Down 21-10, Bradshaw completed four consecutive passes for 71-yards, hitting Al Young (who doesn’t have a Wikipedia page) for the touchdown. The ensuing Dolphins possession ended in a punt. Life was back in the Three Rivers crowd. Perhaps they really are a team of destiny.

Turns out, there’s no such thing. Bradshaw threw back to back costly interceptions icing the game for Miami.

The loss wouldn’t be the only thing weighing heavily in the hearts of Steelers fans. Later that day, Pirates all-time great Roberto Clemente in the prime of his life and career perished in a plain crash in route to Nicaragua. Through all the despair hope remained on the horizon. But outside of 1976, I’d say this is the one Pittsburgh fans who were fortunate to live through their era of dominance wish they hadn’t left on the table.

So what-if they haven’t? What-if we had a Steelers vs Cowboys Super Bowl three-years before we actually got it?

The makeup of both these teams are different, for one. There is no Lynn Swann or John Stallworth to throw to. Ron Shanklin was Pittsburgh’s leading receiver with 38 catches. Frank Lewis lead the wideouts in touchdowns with 5. Though unglamorous, the Steelers offense got the job done thanks to thousand yard rusher rookie Franco Harris.

The Cowboys most prominent receivers were their aforementioned running backs. Ron Sellers lead the wideouts with 37 receptions. Veteran stalwart Mike Ditka was at the end of his rope and only caught 17. 1972 was his final year in the NFL.

Dallas on defense were lead by Pro Bowlers Bob Lilly, Mel Renfro, and free safety Cornell Green. These two teams met earlier in the season back in October, a game Dallas won 17-13 thanks to Landry’s trickery. Calvin Hill threw to Sellers for a 55-yard touchdown for the go-ahead score. The Steelers offense did much of nothing that day. Excluding the 55-yard play, the Cowboys didn’t do much better.

The contest starts slowly, as expected. Neither defense budges one iota. Flashbacks to Super Bowl V replay in Landry’s mind as he watches Morton wear black and gold. The Cowboys offensive line can’t maintain themselves in the face of the Steel Curtain. The Cowboys are scoreless at the end of the first half of play.

Pittsburgh fares better. Bradshaw marches his team up the field twice for two Gerela short range field goals and right before the end of the first half, Harris punches it in from the 5-yard line to give his team a commanding 13-0 lead. Landry contemplates handing the reins back to Staubach. His stinginess wins out this time and he sticks with Morton.

His faith in his quarterback is rewarded when Morton hits Sellers for a 15-yard pass to give the Cowboys six-points. After a Steelers three-and-out, Morton picks up right where he left off. On a 3rd & 10 at the Steelers 38, Morton hits the aging Ditka for a 13-yard gain. Two plays later, riding high off the momentum, Morton again Hits Sellers for surrounded by Steeler defenders for a 14-yard gain. Hill accepts the handoff a play later in red zone territory and passes the goal line. A Toni Fritsch extra-point gives Dallas their first lead 14-13.

In desperate need of answers the Steelers are left puzzled as another three-and-out gives the ball right back to the surging Cowboys who waste no time in trying to deliver the decisive blow. The red hot Morton manages to hit Sellers for 22-yards positioning Dallas well in Pittsburgh territory. At the Steelers 15, it was all or nothing at this point for both sides. Landry knew the next few play calls would define this game. Garrison is stuffed on back to back rushes, and Morton finds little options rolling out before being tackled for a gain of just two. Fritsch manages to extend Dallas’ lead 17-13 meaning Pittsburgh would have to drive the length of the field in order to squeak out a win.

Accepting the ball with 6:18 left, the Steelers again go three-and-out. Angst defines the best of the Steeler sideline. On forth & 12 the length is too long to contemplate going for it. Noll elects to punt in hopes Dallas fails to both take time off the clock and score. Garrison gets the ball and runs up for twelve-yards near midfield. The Cowboys look ready to silence every demon they’ve ever conjured through past playoff failures. Instead, they come right back. Morton’s intended pass to Sellers is picked off by defensive end Dwight White, and just like that, the Steelers get the ball back with prime field position to boot.

Marching to Dallas’ fifteen, the pocket collapses on Bradshaw forcing him to scramble. He scurries for the score diving at the last second before Super Bowl V MVP Chuck Howley could stop him. The Steelers regain the lead for which they wouldn’t relinquish this time and capture their first world title.

2nd

PIT - Roy Gerela FG 37 yd

PIT - Roy Gerela FG 38 yd

PIT - Franco Harris 5-yd run TD

3rd

DAL - Ron Sellers 14 yd pass from Morton TD

4th

DAL - Calvin Hill 4 yd run TD

DAL - Toni Fritsch FG 32 yd

PIT - Bradshaw 15 yd run TD

Pittsburgh 20-17

Morton - 16-26, 176 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT

Bradshaw - 15-20, 186 yds, 1 rush TD *Super Bowl MVP*

Pittsburgh: 286 total yards

Dallas: 283 total yards

In what would turn out to be Morton’s last stand as QB for the Lone Star team, Landry learned to make his peace with the rowdy Staubach and gave him full autonomy of the offense the following season and wouldn’t live to regret it. Meanwhile, jubilation overcomes the Steelers who scurry on the field embracing any person within arms reach. From the laughingstock of the NFL to becoming the envy of all, Pittsburgh overcame all of the odds mounting three straight come from behind victories en route to their championship.

[winryofresembool]

Love Can Melt the Ice, ch 21

Summary: the party goes on.

A/N: sorry guys, I’m too tired to think of anything to say. Just that I hope you guys enjoy, and note, that there’s a little bit of steaminess (not quite M-rated tho imo) towards the end of this chapter so keep that in mind when readng this. Reviews are loved!!! And thanks to every single person who has commented the previous chapters, you guys rule ♥

Previous chapters:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 5.5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 pt 1, pt 2, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20

Next chapter: coming

Companion pieces (note: these are all post Olympics happenings so reading the main fic first is recommended): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Words: 3200+

Genre: cotton candy mostly

“There she finally comes!” Paninya exclaimed when she saw Winry approaching her figure skating team in the otherwise quiet restaurant. “What took you so long? Oh!” She finally noticed Ed hopping towards them behind Winry, and a giant grin spread on her lips. “I wasn’t expecting you to have company!”

“Smirk what you want, Pan. I don’t care anymore. As a matter of fact, we have some news for you…” Winry fumbled with her hair nervously, as she was trying to figure out how to tell Paninya about the changed relationship status.

“Are you pregnant too?” Paninya asked her, eyeing Ed suspiciously. “I knew I shouldn’t have left you guys alone after the birthday party…”

“What, NO!” Winry panicked, worried how Ed would react to such implications. Even though Pan’s comment was just a joke, Ed had barely started to open up to her… Winry didn’t even want to think how he would feel about having kids. “We haven’t even… I mean, that’s a 0 per cent possibility… And don’t you think it’s a bit too early for that kind of announcements anyway?”

“I just wanted to see your reaction,” Paninya laughed. “Don’t mind me, I was just messing with you.”

“Oh, OK. So, the news is that… we…” She linked her arm with Ed’s. “… Have decided to become… exclusive?”

“And that’s what you were so nervous to announce?” Paninya looked annoyed. “I would have expected you to at least have gotten married secretly based on your expressions.” Her frown changed into a smile soon. “But that’s awesome! I knew it would happen sooner rather than later! In fact, Rosé, I think I won our bet.” She winked at her girlfriend smugly.

“Bet, what bet? Rosé, don’t tell me Pan made you make a bet on my relationship progression.” Any of Winry’s nervousness flew away as (faked) anger took over. “I can expect that from you…” Winry glared at Paninya, “… But Rosé, you have always been the nice one.”

“I’m sorry, she made me!”

“Don’t worry. I just had to make you taste your own medicine,” Winry laughed. “Anyway, thanks for coming! It’s good to see you all here. I guess… let’s get this party started!

 …

 “Hey Winry, why is your boyfriend moping at your party?” Paninya asked as Winry joined her at the bar to get a drink. She wasn’t wrong, he was scowling at his phone in an empty corner of the restaurant and mumbling something incoherent to himself.

“He just remembered that his team is playing right now.” Winry sighed. “They are probably angry at him for not showing up, but more importantly, the game is almost over now, and they are losing by several goals so… it’s not looking too good.”

“You gotta give him something else to think about.” Paninya winked and made kissy lips to give Winry a hint.

“I’m not gonna make out with him in front of all these people!” Winry growled. “Public display of affection isn’t our thing.”

“Whatever. Just do whatever you do to wrap him around your arm. Take him to dance or something.”

“He can’t dance! He has a broken leg in case you haven’t noticed.”

“Just sway in the same spot or something.” Paninya suggested.

“I’ll just go talk to him,” Winry decided when she saw he wasn’t far from throwing his phone out of the window.

…

“Damnit!” Ed cursed loudly when Winry arrived next to him. She didn’t even bother asking what had happened in the game; it was unnecessary.

“I’m sorry, Ed. I’m not gonna say ‘better luck next time’ because that won’t help anything, but maybe you’d like to do something to take your thoughts away from that game. It’s my party, after all.”

“What do you have in mind?” Ed eyed her suspiciously. “I’m not gonna sing karaoke if that’s what you want to do. I’m not drunk enough.”

Winry put her arm around his shoulder and said: “No, you don’t have to sing, but I do want to dance. And I want to dance with you.”

“You have gone nuts, woman. How do you think I’m gonna dance with this leg?” he pointed at his cast.

“Just follow me. Or do you want me to call Al to dance with me instead?” Winry asked slyly. “Or, I suppose, there are other options in this restaurant too…”

“Let’s just go then!” Ed said all too fast and started hopping towards the dance floor.

When the couple found their spot, a few other dancers were eyeing Ed’s crutches suspiciously, but he decided to ignore it. “So… how are we gonna do this?”

“I think… if you can stand with just one crutch, you could use your hand to twirl me, and I’ll do the rest,” Winry suggested.

“Sounds doable,” Ed noted and left his right crutch against the wall. Winry took his metal hand (that was covered with the usual white glove) into hers and started doing her dance moves. The song was fast, so she was able to show her jiving skills well.

“I knew you could skate but I didn’t know you can dance too!” Ed commented at some point.

“A lot of figure skaters take also dancing classes because it certainly helps with the balance and everything.” Winry reminded him.

“Right. That makes sense,” Ed admitted.

The longer the song continued, the more he lightened up too, finishing the dance by pulling Winry close to him and giving her a kiss on the cheek.

“You were right, it was kinda fun! Maybe one day we can dance for real.”

“Is that a promise?” Winry asked. “Because if it is, I will remember it, I swear.”

“Maybe it is.” Ed grinned and turned to pick up his crutch.

…

A few hours later, Winry was looking for Ed who had disappeared while she had gone to the restroom, and finally found him on the balcony.

“There you are! I was a bit worried you might have left,” Winry said.

“Oh. I just needed a little break to hear my thoughts. It’s been quite a day, don’t you think?” Ed asked.

“It has… As amazing it has been, I am quite eager to get into my own bed soon.” Ed gave Winry a puppy dog expression. “We’ll see if someone gets to join me. Maybe if you are extra nice to me. Anyway, Gracia already left, Garfiel is hitting on someone, and Rosé and Paninya’s dancing is looking like they don’t really need our company… so I’d say we’re free to go.”

“Sounds good to me. By the way, Al sends his congrats,” Ed remembered. “He’s with Mei now but said he’d catch up with us tomorrow.”

“Oh! How is it going between those two?”

“The last time I saw them together, they were chatting pretty eagerly about who knows what, so I’d say it’s going pretty well. Too bad she lives in Xing, though. What if they get together, and he decides to move there?”

“I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself again,” Winry noted. “They just met. But what about us? It’s like you said, we live pretty far from each other and travel a lot… Should we try to come up with a schedule for our meetings?”

“Until my leg is healed, you don’t have to worry about me traveling…” Ed sighed. “I will have plenty of free time. I think I might still spend a little while in Resembool because I’m not super eager to do household work with this leg.”

“I’ll visit you there when I have my next free weekend! Hey… does this situation remind you of your party?” Winry realized.

“I guess it does,” Ed agreed. “A lot has happened after that, though… Even though it has only been a few days.”

“Sometimes… things… happen fast. You don’t regret it, do you?” Winry asked, slight hint of worry in her voice.

“No.” Ed shook his head. “I thought this was going to be difficult, but now that it’s actually happening… I realized it’s really quite simple. I want to spend more time with you. I just… needed to deal with some things first.”

“I understand. And hey, I’ll be here the whole time if you still need help with that,” Winry promised, and it was her turn to kiss Ed on the cheek. “Hey, what’s that?”

Ed was holding a small box in his hand and Winry casted a curious look at it. If it had been anyone else giving her that box, she might have been more nervous about what was in it, but she knew Ed wouldn’t ask her so soon… Right?

“Um… this is just a championship gift for you…” Ed said, and Winry immediately relaxed. “I was going to give it to you no matter what result, but it turned out going pretty well, don’t you think?”

“Heh, I guess so.” Winry unwrapped the paper around the box carefully and admired its black surface for a moment before opening it. “Ed, these are so pretty!”

What she saw in the box were earrings, with tiny golden skates hanging from them. She took them in her hand to get a better look at them.

“I just… well, I asked Riza if she knew what would make you happy, and she said you like earrings. So. I went to the shop where they sell these and… thought the skates were pretty fitting… in many ways… since you know, skating was what united us in the first place… and… gold to match your medal…”

“Awww. That is so sweet.” She quickly wiped the corners of her eyes dry and turned Ed’s head to face her. “Seriously, I love them. Thank you.” Then she leaned in to press a light kiss on his mouth. They let the kiss linger for a few moments before Winry pulled away and run her hand on Ed’s automail arm briefly.

“Hey, guess what… I kinda have a gift for you too. It’s in my room, though, so should we take a cab and leave?”

“It’s like you said, I don’t think anyone would miss us… so sure!” Ed gave Winry his familiar shit eating grin, taking his crutches from the bench next to him and jumping up rather eagerly.

…

The couple waved their goodbyes to those of their friends who were still left at the club and took the first cab to the hotel (this time they were farther from the hotel than during Ed’s birthday so Winry didn’t want to make Ed walk all that way). For some reason, Ed hesitated a bit before stepping inside Winry’s room, though.

“What’s wrong?” Winry folded her arms over her chest and stared at Ed questioningly.

“It’s just… We are a… couple… now… so I hope you’re not expecting…”

“Expecting what?” Winry tilted her head slightly as she tried to understand what Ed was saying. “Oh!” she finally realized, her face turning red. “Nonono, I wasn’t thinking about that… Not that I wouldn’t like… eventually… but we can take our time… No, there’s something I want to show you…”

With Winry’s rambling, the nervousness that had taken over Ed’s body finally left him, and he started laughing so hard he doubled over.

“What’s so funny?” she asked, slightly hurt because she didn’t understand what was in Ed’s mind in that moment. Was he laughing at her?

“It’s just…” he guffawed, “… The tables have turned… Remember what happened the last time we spent a night together? You thought I was expecting us to…”

“Oh!” Winry finally understood. “Well, I wasn’t expecting anything, so you can stop laughing and come here.” Her voice had a bit of sharpness in it as she continued: “I have some drawings I want to show you.”

“Sorry.” Ed finally calmed down. “Show them.”

He hopped towards the table on which Winry had spread her papers and squinted as he was trying figure out what was in her drawings. “Wait a second… Is this an automail arm?”

“I noticed your arm was creaking a bit, so I designed this… What do you think? We would of course need to measure your arm before I can draw the final version, but… I’d love to do it if you let me?”

“Have you built automails before?” Ed asked, even though he believed he knew the answer. She had drawn that picture complete from the scratch, after all.

“I have, plenty! Although…” she blushed a bit as she continued: “this would be the first one that would be in use…”

“Well, it looks amazing, so… why the hell not? Truth to be told, I don’t really like my current mechanic so it would be a win-win situation in many ways.”

“It’s settled, then!” Winry clapped her hands excitedly. “You, me and an automail date once this season is over and I have more time to focus on mechanics. Although… I would like to get some measures sooner because that way I’ll have more time to prepare for it.” She pulled out the tape measure from her bag and looked at him expectantly. “Would you mind?”

“Of-of course not…” Ed said, although a bit hesitantly because Winry seemed to have turned her geek mode on. “What do you need me to do?”

“Uhh… You would probably need to take your shirt off because I need to be able to see where the shoulder piece starts and stuff…” She was blushing again. Ed threw his coat and suit on a nearby chair and sat down on the bed, unbuttoning his dress shirt slowly. He turned to look at Winry as he felt her gaze on him.

“Enjoying the view?” Ed cocked his eyebrow when their eyes met.

“You are suddenly awfully smug for someone who just freaked out about coming into my room.” Winry retorted, although her cheeks were still burning.

“I just like to make you as flustered as you make me…”

An awkward silence fell between them, but finally Ed added: “OK, here’s the thing: I do want to… do it with you… eventually, like you said… but with this cast… there’s a lot I won’t be able to do, and… I think you deserve better than that… so… I’d rather wait… until I feel 100 per cent fine…”

“I didn’t think you’d be worried about that… I’m sorry. That’s… that’s so nicely said, and I… shouldn’t have mocked you earlier.”

“It’s OK.” Ed shrugged. “So, should we measure this thing?”

“Of course!” Winry turned back into her usual mechanics loving self. “First I’m going to check the full length, and then…”

“You do realize that sounds a whole lot dirtier than it actually is?” Ed snorted, gaining a dirty look from Winry. “What? I’m just speaking the truth.”

“How about you just shut up for a moment and let me work.” Winry rolled her eyes and tried to focus on her tape measure, which was very hard, though, because she had her bare-chested boyfriend (she was still excited about being able to use that word) in front of her. And he wasn’t a bad sight at all. As expected, his upper body was built, his abs could have worked as a washboard and his only arm had probably been used to lift heavy weights a lot during Ed’s free time. Winry’s fingers traced the scar under the automail port, checking the skin for possible issues, and that made Ed inhale sharply.

“Sorry. Did that hurt?” Winry asked worriedly.

“No… It… felt good.” Ed stammered, trying to keep himself in line. ‘Hydrogen, helium, litium…’

“OK…” Winry said and bent down to write down some measures she had already gotten, her dress not leaving much for Ed’s imagination. He nearly bolted from the bed.

“Done.” She finally stopped her ‘torture’ and put the tape measure and the paper away. She hadn’t even realized she had been holding her breath while working. “Is something wrong?” she asked when she realized Ed was mumbling something incoherent and avoiding eye contact with her. “Ed, I’m your girlfriend. You can tell me.”

“Let’s just say that… I have never wished more that I didn’t have my leg broken,” he said quietly. Winry sat down on his lap and put one of her hands on his cheek, making him look at her.

“It’s OK. We can wait.” She kissed him tenderly, getting a response from him soon. Her fingers played on his bare skin while his metal arm went to cup her ass, the other one massaging her back. Soon Winry realized he wouldn’t open the zipper of her dress unless she gave him a permission, so she pulled away from the kiss and told him: “I’ve seen you shirtless, so it’s only fair you see me that way too… Equivalent exchange…”

“Have I ever told you you are freaking amazing?” Ed breathed before his hand went to unzip the dress while his lips worked on her neck.

“I think you might have mentioned that once or twice but it never hurts to hear it again.” Winry grinned and stood up to shake the dress off once Ed has unzipped it. “What? Have you never seen a half naked woman before?” she teased when Ed gaped at her like she was some kind of miracle.

“I-I have but never anyone who looks as… wow…” His eyes took all of her in, from the thin yet strong thighs to the skin colored strapless bra, before focusing on her face again. Even though she must have been dead tired already, and her make-up was slightly smudged, in Ed’s opinion she looked incredible.

“Thank you,” Winry gently pushed Ed to laying position and settled on his lap, minding his injured leg. “Wanna help me with this?” she turned her back to him, so Ed could unhook her bra.

“Sure, but… I’m gonna explode if we continue much further. And I just said… this is not how I want to do this.”

“I didn’t mean we have to do anything, silly,” she tried to comfort him. “I just want to get rid of this thing because trust me, it’s pretty uncomfortable to sleep with.”

“Oh. OK. I got it.”

After getting her bra unhooked and throwing it away, Winry got up again and made a bit of a show of stretching her arms in front of Ed (giving Ed a very good shot of some of her best features) before pulling her pajama top on her. Ed didn’t know how to react, causing him to just stare at her dumbfounded with his mouth open.

“What was that for?” he asked, sounding almost frustrated.

“Just something for you to look forward to while we are away from each other, I guess.” She winked.

“You dumb, I would… I would be looking forward to our next meeting either way.” Ed folded his arms, sounding almost offended that Winry thought there was any other possibility. “I mean, you look great and all, but I care about your personality more.”

“That means a lot to me, Ed. I… uh, never mind.” She laid down next to him and snuggled her head against his bare chest. “This has been… one of the best days of my life. And a lot of it is thanks to you. I just wanted you to know that.”

“You… you deserve it.” He kissed her on the forehead before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

[corpsegirlforever]

Roasting My Friend Over Her Male Interests

@mal-0‘s crushes: Bang, taneleer tivan, en dwi gast, julian slink, mayuri kurotsuchi, cable, beast, dedan, morbius the living vampire, loki, magneto, damien from dream daddy, challenger, general grevious, two face, scarecrow, mr freeze, both hannibal lecters and ebony maw

Bang: Oh my god. I am fucking traumatized. This is the most muscular twink of an old man I have ever fucking seen. His muscles have muscles. This dude is so fucking ripped that if he flexed, it would hit you in the eye.  However, he’s also weirdly fucking skinny. 0/10

Tivan: Dude, what the fuck. He’s just a pretty boy stranded in the Deep South of Space. The dude went crazy from not being able to moisturize and so he looks like he’s a million fucking years old. He isn’t even that interesting from a design point, he looks like every old rich pretty boy ever but with shittier clothing. 0/10

En Dwi Gast: Holy shit, why would you ever thirst for 616 Grandmaster!? Motherfucker looks like a cyan dildo some old woman glued her pubes to before sticking it in the dishwasher. He’s an asshole that doesn’t even really do anything, and dresses like a blind Jeff Gold Bloom. However, he was once played by Jeff Goldbloom, which earns points. 2/10

Julian Slink: Oh wow, how original. Julian is just fucking Jeff The Killer but with better class and marketed towards adults instead of twelve year olds. He dresses like a Steampunk villain who is high and also horny. Half his scenes have him brutally murdering people and the other half are just him being a loveable dumbass. If it wasn’t for this fact he would be stupid as hell. 5/10

Mayuri Kurotsuchi: What the ever loving fuck. I want to pour bleach down my eyes now before stabbing myself in the head to forget this dude’s fucking face. He looks like a fucking JoJo Stand that got face fucked by a magical blender before applying an entire bottle of lotion to the wounds, when suddenly a kid hits him in the head with two ice cream cones. 0/10

Cable: Oh wow, how original. The most generic looking silver fox ever. He’s muscular and he has white hair. That’s everything interesting about Cable. Oh wait, now he has a robot arm and a yellow eye! Now he can totally be an interesting character! 1/10

Beast: Furry bait. 0/10

Dedan: What in the ever loving fuck is this. What the fuck. Did someone drop you on the head as a child, and upon hitting the floor a demon also possessed you before getting exorcized when a crucifix stabbed you in the temple??? You have to be insane to like this fucker. Both his claws and his mouth would mutilate you during sex, and he looks like the kind of fucker who would do it just for fun. Also, he dresses like a bitch. 0/10

Morbius: Fucking Jared Leto looking ass. The whitest bitch to ever love. Do you have a biting kink or something? Of fucking course you do. He looks like he doesn’t wash his hair or brush his teeth and eats three rotting rats a day. He looks like a gay Dracula with erectile dysfunction and autoerotic fixiation. However, he is a vampire. 1/10

Loki: Oh wow, you sure do have original tastes! Loki is the greasy weasel of a family that bathes bidaily and uses lotion religiously. When was the last time Loki bathed? Probably in 1302 which was also the last time he had sex. With a horse. The best part about him is the cool helmet, that also looks stupid as hell half the time because he spends a weird amount of time in a green morph suit. 0/10

Magneto: Well respectable old man. However, he’s also a bitch. 5/10

Damien: Gothic dad that dresses like Dracula if he was a gay dad in 2017. He drinks red wine even though he can afford the good stuff and reads Twilight. Has no personality. 3/10

Challenger: hahahaha, what an emo prick. He looks so bland that only his emo color pallet can be talked about. 0/10

General Grevious: Look at this tall asshole with asthma. He’s so fucking skinny he probably only weighs a hundred pounds. He can split his arms in two so he can fuck four people at once, up until he gets on his back so he can take at least two dicks with a max of six, and at most four pussies. 7/10

Two Face: Ah, the classic bisexual villain. Half of him is a sexy man, the other half is a fucking disgusting ass acid burn. He decides everything with the toss of a coin, so chances are your sex won;t be that great. 2/10

Scarecrow: You will not enjoy the experience 0/10

Mr. Freeze: He’s gonna stick his icicle up your ass. If you want kids you’ll have to visit the snowbank. He has big snowballs. He’s bad at eating you out because he gives you frostbite. He would never send unsolicited snowcone pics. Third base is a snowjob. 8/10

Anthony Hopkins as Lecter: What the ever loving shit is wrong with you. He’s a sexual harassment, cann-ibal! Was a main character in one of the most transphobic books/movies ever. Cut off a hand because he isn’t quite an incel but kept the one he uses for masturbating. 1/10

Mads Mikkleson as Lecter: Understandable. Handsome, charismatic, a cannibal. He’s what every girl that likes men wants. Has good fashion sense, is actually a good serial killer, and is sexually ambigious. However, he murdered his adoptive daughter for no reason. 6/10

Ebony Maw: Piss kink looking mother fucker ass Enoby Darkness Dimension Raven Maw??? What possessed you to think fucking Squidward Tentacruel Nelson T. Krang was hot? What possessed you to think he was even remotely cute? This motherfucker looks like he sucks the piss from his own tentacle dick, which he had split in half to fulfill some weird ass fetish. Not even Loki would fuck this avocado ball sack on crystal meth, and my man’s fucked a horse. Even in the context of the movie, he’s one ugly looking mother fucker.

[pixie-skull]

# 24 Post: “Get to know me Better Part Deux” Tag

Get to know me Better Part Deux

@odd-cinderella Thank you for tagging me. :D I am so humbled darling.

Rule: tag ten followers you want to get to know better (I like saying potential pals, instead “followers”)

- Name: Emily (I am aware my username so new, yet hopefully some nicknames can be made?)

- Gender: Confusing, I do not mind typically being seen as a woman, yet with thinking I am demi-girl or gender-fluid. Woman and agender. I go by both they/them and her/she. This first time being very out about it. Hopefully, when I transfer I will be more.

- Star sign: Aries (not hot-tempered, I am the romantic type. :D )

- Height: 5ft 3in like Logan James Howlett AKA Wolverine in the Marvel Comics.

- Sexuality: Panromantic Demisexual, leaning towards women (single). I am though waiting til marriage too, and may be ace too.

What image do you have as wallpaper: On this site, I had a rainbow moon gif, yet now Josephine Wall’s art. I am a sucker for beautiful details. On my phone, I had She-Hulk ^*_*^ Now a color palette of periwinkle, lilac, lavender, and violet.

- Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?: If I have, not remembering.

- Where do you see yourself in 10 years: Very soon I am turning 21, yet ten years I turn 30 and almost 31. O.O I would be celebrating my gold birthday. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=golden%20birthday I hope for: 1. Being with people who make me feel happy, like being friends with @theghostlightison still and I be happy if in love and maybe engaged. My school I pray to transfer it has a huge LGBTQ+ student body so I may meet my future spouse. ^*_*^ 2. I hope to have a stable job and feel enriched by the fact it makes me good, rather being paid. 3. My writing being published.

- If you could be anywhere else right now, where?: Dougal, Ireland due to wanting to see relatives and see the beautiful landscape. Also, New Zealand for THE LORD OF THE RINGS! =D

- What was your coolest Halloween costume?: @odd-cinderella I can relate to cosplaying. I am stuck between my first comic-con where I went as a Hobbit or my last year Halloween Costume when as “Scott Pilgrim versus the World” Ramona Flowers.

- What’s your favorite 90s show?: Also like @odd-cinderella I specifically choose from different types of shows, Anime: Sailor Moon. American Cartoons: I remember as a kid liking Spongebob Squarepants a lot. Live-action: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I have older siblings hence watching the show.

- Last kiss?: If you saw my post of my “# 18 Post: 18 ships of mine” or along those lines, I kissed someone who I said to keep his identity not to be known as Dreamworks “Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas” as Kale, due he looks like the character. I thought we were dating, he thinks we are friends, so after a few weeks of me thinking he was my eighth relationship, I asked, and he said being friends he prefers. Kinda peeved off he does not understand kissing a huge step for me being demisexual, yet upside, he was a fun make-out. Upside still friends and jokingly “flirt”.

- Have you ever been stood up?: I do not think so, I came close to, but glad I did not do it. The person, they were nice, yet just sad to not click.

- Have you ever been to Las Vegas?: Drove with my family through it, so kinda.

- Favorite pair of shoes: I like my boots that I jokingly dub “My Slayer boots”, which with my matching fake leather black jacket I feel like Buffy Summers.

- Favorite fruit: Pomegranate, the juice, the seeds covered in dark chocolate, and more good.

- Favorite book: I am stuck between “The Last Unicorn” Peter S. Beagle (I love the animated movie, so favorite animated movie based on a book).

 “Frankenstein; The Modern Prometheus” by Mary Shelly or “Dracula” by Bram Stoker (favorite story due to living action movies, even though the books are better).

Hoping to start “What Dreams May Come” (The movie holds a special a place in my heart) Richard Matheson. I am aware there are common themes here, yet whatever. XD

I have read “The Lord of the Rings” and “The Hobbit” (I liked the movies more)

- Stupidest thing you’ve ever done: Letting my seventh ex, take a squeeze at my chest. It has drastically changed my confidence in my body to a certain amount, this was an almost a year ago. I was in kickboxing and due to this wore tighter outfits than I like, then one day he just grabbed at my shirt and I told him no, he than said something like “I am already respecting your choice to wait, so why not just this”. I was so stressed out by the school by then so I did not think much as I should and thought that was valid. Granted it bothered me I dated such a slimeball. Bothers me how he then, later on, he tried to convince me to “give out”. I kept saying no and luckily stood my ground on this. He clearly was not happy, yet tired to manipulate me, make me feel guilty, and more. Bums me out further this white boy had the guys to say very borderline racist things, like saying the “N” word with a soft “A”, not a hard “R”. Luckily we dated under a month, yet I still feel dumb I dated him. I *trigger warning* even scratch (like with pins) my forearms, shoulders, and chest to be “ugly” so he stops. Luckily barely any scars, but ugh. I am now in a better place, just bothers me how that happened. Luckily compared to my other formally dated who I am friends with, he is far away from me. (I do use Disney Phoebus to represent him, even though this boy so weak like I have more muscles than him, yet he still slithered negative things in my mind). To make it sadder I dated someone so much more understanding a gentleman, who I choose as Naveen when talking about him due looks closest to him.

On a positive note, I am growing to be happier, even though, now I am feeling sad lately, this helped cheer me up. Also, my birthday coming up, I will see family, and get my hair dyed, have a party with friends who make me happy, and more. 

0. @themostlyclosetedteen 

1. @sailorzelda94  

2. @winglesshopeful 

3. @myhollie1911  

4. @thenamelessdoll  

5. @disneyfemslash 

6. @animagix101  

7. @geebs96 

8. @vulpeproductions  

9. @ultraviolet04 

10. @hashtag-mylife

The numbers mean nothing, just wanted to keep track. Yes, I can count, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10, yet why not include 0? XD

[femchef]

Okay So How About Some Chocolate Mousse

If you ever wanted to know how to make chocolate mousse at home, this is the post for you! 

So - chocolate mousse. A mousse can be sweet or savory, and typically employs whipped cream or egg whites to give an otherwise rich and heavy food a light and more appealing texture. Mousses are quite clever - you can take an ingredient with a hefty price tag, say fois gras or chocolate, and increase the useable volume AND serve a large meal while 1) not overwhelming guests with a single super heavy dish and 2) not sacrificing the flavor or the richness of the featured ingredient. The history of chocolate mousse isn't super well-documented, but sweet mousses were showing up in French kitchens in the latter half of the 19th century and savory mousses have been around since at least the mid-1700′s.

Now! A few things before we get started. FIRST: if we have to scale the technical difficulty of making chocolate mousse, let's call it an Intermediate Level Dish - in other words, someone with time management skills, equipment, and basic baking experience at home can put this together successfully. Just keep in mind that you will require a few special tools and ingredients. That brings us to the SECOND point!!! Special tools and ingredients! 

There aren't a whole lot of ingredients required to put this recipe together, but two of the big ones are chocolate and gelatin. 

DO NOT USE CHCOLATE CHIP MORSELS OR BAKING CHOCOLATE. If you do your project will end in tears and regret. AND FOR THE LOVE OF ST. HONORÉ, do NOT use candy melts. 

Let’s be real - chocolate mousse is a splurge, it's not an everyday dessert. You need a couple days, three at most, to put this thing together. The chocolate is the featured ingredient here. Morsels are specifically made to NOT MELT in your cookies, baking chocolate is best left for fudge and brownies, and melts are just cocoa butter and some additives to help them set back up into hard candies. And ALL of these items will ruin your recipe if you use them here. So go ahead and get the nice stuff - this recipe will call for a semi-sweet. Look for a chocolate that falls between 60%-76% cocoa. The one I've used here is Cacao Barry 64% Extra Bitter:

Barry makes a lot of nice products, and they don't all come in 11lb bags, so no worries. If you're ordering online, I would recommend checking amazon, but if you have a Whole Foods nearby, they generally carry a selection of Valrhona (the fancy expensive super special brand of chocolate) if you just want to grab and go. 

Gelatin. Please do yourself a favor and order some silver-grade sheets. Chances are you won't use them too often but you will have them for when you need them. The powdered gelatin is not that stable, and better used in sauces. Sheets come in grades - the short is, bronze is mostly a step up from powdered, and even most kitchens don't need the gold standard sheets. Gelatin sheets are a bit harder to find in stores, so again, pop over to amazon or a local kitchen supply if you have one. 

Silicone Mold. Okay, this mousse recipe is designed to be piped into molds. If you would rather spoon it out over meringues, frost a cake or fill glasses with it, then go for it! That is totally fine. But for impressive (and best, tbh) results, go ahead and invest in a flexible silicone mold. silikomart is a very affordable Italian brand, and one sheet of molds ( 8-10 individual servings, depends on the shape you pick out) runs a very reasonable 14$ USD. Just make sure that if you DO invest in a silicone mold, that it is food safe grade silicone! I cannot emphasize that enough - please don't poison yourself or your diners. Buy it from a reputable dealer and double check the brand before you purchase. 

Other stuff: you will probably also want to have a hand or stand mixer with whisk attachments, a scale (the entire recipe is measured by scale), and piping bags, which you can find at the craft store now, usually 5$ for a box of 10 bags. You will also want to invest in a set of biscuit/ring cookie cutters if you haven't already. 

OKAY all the weird stuff out of the way!! Awesome.  Now, let’s say you have all your necessary equipment and ingredients. Now. You didn't go to all this trouble just to make a dessert that will stick to a plate - you want to eat ALL the mousse. ALL OF IT. 

So you need a base for your mousse. A foot rest. A pillow. This is why you should give yourself 2-3 days of time to prepare. 

Most molded mousse desserts at restaurants will be sitting on either a very thin biscuit, or will have a slice of cake pressed to the bottom before freezing. I would say go with cake - it is the easiest solution. So, the day BEFORE you plan to make your mousse, go ahead and bake off a small single layer of your cake of choice. I used banana nut cake in the pictures below (we had a lot of scraps hanging around the bakery the other day) but use what your heart tells you. To make it easy on yourself and just go with vanilla or chocolate to compliment but not overshadow your mousse. Be sure to chill your cake in the refrigerator overnight. 

MOUSSE DAY:

Alright! So you are making your mousse. Before I get in to the recipe, a couple (more!?) things: make SURE you have all your ingredients ready to go in to your recipe. Once you start your caramel things will happen pretty quick. 

Also be prepared to use a lot of dishes. That is just part of the mousse process, unfortunately. 

One other thing - this recipe, which is possibly the easiest, least troublesome chocolate mousse I have ever made, is adapted from the recipe we use at Etch in Nashville. Credit where it's due - this recipe is from Megan Williams, who is the head pastry chef and also my boss (and also a lovely human being, thank you for being a great boss!). All I've done here is reworked it to better suit at-home baking. 

Just Chocolate Mousse

Semi-Sweet Chooclate: 13.6 ounces

Kosher Salt: 1/2 teaspoon

Scalded Heavy Cream: 8 ounces

Granulated Sugar: 3.5 ounces

Egg yolks: 5.8 ounces

Gelatin: 4 sheets, bloomed

Chilled Heavy Cream: 26 ounces, whipped to medium-stiff peaks

The Set Up

Let the chocolate and salt melt together in a double boiler (or in a steel/glass bowl over a pot with a scant two inches of water) on med-low heat, stirring occasionally until smooth and melted (Set aside for later). 

While that's going, pour out the first cream in a sauce pot and as soon as it begins to boil remove from the heat and set aside. 

To bloom your gelatin, fill a container with cool water and a handful of ice cubes, and submerge the sheets in it. Leave them in the ice water for about four or five minutes, then wring them out gently, pour off the water and ice, and set them aside in the container until you're ready to use. Have your egg yolks in another mixing bowl set aside for when you are ready to use them. If your kitchen is warm, you may want to take the mixing bowl you will be using to whip your cream in, and stick it AND the cream in the fridge together until you're ready to whip. 

In yet ANOTHER sauce pan or pot (see what I mean about the dishes?) measure out your sugar. When the chocolate is melted and cream is scalded and both have been set aside, set the pot of sugar on the stove on medium heat. You are about to make what is called a dry caramel - literally just burning your sugar on a controlled temperature. Make sure the sugar is spread evenly over the bottom of the pan before you turn on the heat. Stir it gently with a heat-safe rubber spatula (in other words don't melt your favorite plastic spoon been there 0/10 recommend) until all the sugar is melted and has darkened to this color:

(Not actually sugar - this is my tea from this morning, but the color is exactly correct). 

There may be a little smoking, but as long as you aren't burning black crud onto your pot you're good, just don't leave or step away and keep gently stirring. 

When the caramel reaches this color REMOVE IT FROM THE HEAT IMMEDIATELY and pour in all of your heated cream! It will steam up so don't lean over the pot, and just keep gently stirring until the cream and sugar are combined. 

 Now, toss in your gelatin and with a whisk, stir it into the caramel. Take the caramel mixture, and, with one hand whisking your egg yolks, slowly pour the caramel from the sauce pot with the other hand as you whisk. What you are doing is tempering your egg yolks so that they slowly cook and come up to temperature to make a nice creamy substance instead of a curdled paste. 

Congratulations! This was the hardest step! If you've gotten this far you're good! Now, add the caramel cream to the melted chocolate and whisk it all together. You will want to take a spatula and scrape the sides down very well so that the chocolate mixture cools evenly. Set it aside but be sure to stir with the spatula occasionally to keep the chocolate from getting a skin on top. 

Now is a good time to whip your chilled cream and move some of your dishes to the wash. 

When the cream is whipped to medium-stiff peaks (should look fluffy and soft, but hold a nice shape), and so long as the chocolate mixture is at body temperature (lukewarm, not hot or cold, around 90-98F), you can begin folding the two together. Take a third of the cream and mix it in to your chocolate. You can be a bit rougher with the first third of the cream, since you're using it to loosen up the chocolate mixture and make it more receptive to the rest. Add in half the remaining cream and gently combine it. It's okay if it's a little streaky, but make sure you are scraping the bottom of the bowl with the spatula as you lift the mixture to the top of the bowl. Fold in the remaining cream. Your finished mousse should look something like this: 

(Basically, it should look like mousse.)

So remember that cake you baked the day before? Take it out of the fridge. Grab your biscuit cutters and choose the size that is slightly smaller than the mold you are piping the mousse into. Now, cut out the number of pieces you need. 

You will want the cake layer to be thin, not taller than a centimeter, so if the cake is tall, just cut your circles in half. 

Now. - if you've invested in a mold for this, go ahead and whip it out. Hopefully you've rinsed and dried it out at least once before using it for your mousse. Now. You've come this far, it would be a shame if your mousse had weird pockets or air bubbles - and that is why it needs to be piped into the molds. Scooping or spooning it in isn't going to do you any good if you want the mousse to have a nice, even shape when you pop it out, and the pressure from your hand squeezing it out of the bag will fill in any air pockets. So you know. Don't skimp. 

Once you've piped your mousse nearly to the top of the mold, take your cake circles and press them firmly but gently into the mousse. This will fill up any lingering space and also create a rim of mousse around the cake, so you don't see it when it's on the plate! 

Now, pop those babies into the deepest darkest pits of your freezer and leave them there overnight. Yup. Give it a whole night. You want them to be entirely frozen before you pop them out of the silicone. Once they're frozen you can pop them out of the molds and store them in the freezer for a month or so. Which is great if you want to whip out amazing dessert at the last second for a dinner thing OR just eat them, because chocolate mousse is awesome even when it's frozen. 

THE NEXT DAY:

The mousse should be nice and hard, and you should be able to quickly peel them out of the silicone

go ahead and either put them straight on to plates to serve or on a sheet in the fridge to pull out later. 

Because of the cake on the bottom you can easily move them around with a spatula or fork onto dishes! If you are serving out of the freezer, let the mousse sit out at room temperature for about 10 minutes before you serve them, otherwise you can serve them straight out of the fridge. 

And that's it! There are a lot of steps in the process, but it's actually pretty easy to do! I hope this post encourages someone out there to try it on their own! 

[commandertheory]

Custom Challenge: Partners

New name, been outta the magic game for awhile! Just coming back. (It’s Raptorthedoctor/Thelovelymedusa/Abyssal-Lolth) So uhh, deck challenge! Not sure if you still do those anymore, buuuut can’t blame a girl for trying, right?  You might remember one of the things I liked to challenge you with were custom commanders, and Partner gives some new space to that, so I figured I’d hit you up with some choices. Attached are 10 commanders with Partner, one for each color pairing. The rules are simple, just pick the two you like best or think are most interesting and work around them! Alternatively, if you want to use one of these with one of the existing partners, feel free to do that instead! I’ll go over the 10 below (and if anyone else wants to play around with them, feel free.)

This is Arketh. He was essentially made top-down from the art. An abomination resulting from Phyrexian experiments in Darksteel, Arketh must sustain himself on the lives of others to maintain his indestructible status. Or he can be found as expendable, and the research gained him the experiment used to aid another creature.  Commander-wise, he could lend himself to a lot of interesting utility uses, but I like to think he might be good in some sort of dual-Voltron deck, given that he himself is a miniature Yahenni for one less mana (albeit without the additional growth effect) but can also protect another one of your creatures.

I’ve been waiting to make this card since forever, really, but Helddagrif never really felt like it’d fit as its own fully-powered commander. I think it works well here as a supplement threat to some other group-slug partner. Helddagrif, most likely the result of some demon or necromancer getting their hands on our hapless hippo friend, brings along group discard and damage, sure to make you a hit at the table! (Just make sure you don’t go past 3 activations of his first ability or your hippo isn’t long for this world. Unless you had a way to give him indestructible…)  Definitely not as interesting or unique a card as Phelda, I’ll admit it, but the idea was humorous and I kind of like that this purple hippo now has nothing but hate in its heart. The perfect minion for some dastardly character!

Just slightly less cringeworthy of a name than Helddagrif is Hyss. B/G got a pretty cool toughness matters theme with Khans block, so I’ve extended on that here. Hyss is probably one of the more mechanically unimpressive looking of the commanders, but never underestimate a deathtouch threat you can cast over and over at instant speed. Hyss is from Amonkhet. Or, well… I had concepted a plane ages ago where one of my Planeswalkers dwelt, which was an Egyptian world that had become subjugated by Bolas. While Amonkhet seems to be a bit more than “Subjugated”, if the shoe fits, wear it! Hyss is an assassin known for her poisoned blade. 

The cheapest of the cycle rewards you for playing with the most expensive creatures. She might be undercosted for what she does, but she comes with some fairly strict deckbuilding conditions..  The flavor text and epitaph are a reference to Illaoi from League of Legends.  Lissana is from Zendikar. She seems to have survived the Eldrazi incursion on a remote isle guarded by sea monsters, preferring to hermit here, rather than involve herself more actively in the conflict.

If you remember my Sharuum deck, you know I love Sphinxes. Morius here is an evasive beater that have a big upside when he enters. An upside that grows the more things have died. Luckily, you’re in black. He might not mind being paired with a white creature to increase the amount of available options, though.  Morius, if printed, would be the most expensive Partner printed. Ikra Shidiqi, Kraum, and Ravos are all tied for second at 5 CMC. Morius is a Sphinx from Theros who dwells in the Underworld. While he wears the mask of a Returned, he himself is still quite living. Whether he works for Phenax or Erebos, or whether he’s simply crafty enough to evade their detection is unknown. 

I’ve probably complained along with everyone else about red/white commanders. Here’s my attempt at an interesting one. 

Champion is a mechanic that I always wished got a little more love. There’s a bit of good mechanical design space, including using the championed creature as a resource. Some other ideas for what Scor might’ve done with the Championed creature included getting +X/+0 based on their CMC, putting tokens into play based on their CMC, or dealing damage based on their CMC. But I felt like a sunforger on a stick was just gonna be a more interesting route to go. I’m not entirely sure if the wording on the activated is correct as I have no examples to fall back on. Had to cut the reminder text for champion cause even as it is, the card is a bit crowded.

Scor is from Estaroth, a plane where mighty champions go on quests to battle ferocious monsters in the name of the realm. With his appearance and elemental status, some might consider Scor to fall firmly into the latter camp, but the guy’s got a heart of (Molten) Gold.

A commander that makes use of the fact that you can have two commanders. I’m still a little scared of the power level of this one, so he’s costed and given an appropriately squishy body to reflect that. To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure how much of the “power budget” of a card Partner eats up, and this might’ve been pushing it just a little. Honestly though, rebound probably isn’t a powerful enough ability to prevent him from being a 2/2 or 0/3. Or maybe costing 3 mana. I erred on the safe side. I’m not entirely sure which plane Terisys is from. Perhaps I’ll explore that later. I can’t help but think he’s related to Bolas in some way, though.

I’m a bit sad I couldn’t get flavor text on more of these, but they were eating up space in that text box.  So I haven’t actually seen or own any Kaladesh cards yet, but I’ve looked over the block and it looks pretty sweet. (Getting an inventor’s fair for Sharuum.) The Fabricate mechanic presents an interesting choice. Do I go high or do I go wide? Yinna offers two different effects based off what choice you take on the fabricate, although there are definitely ways in green/white to break those rules a little. She definitely benefits from cards that can give her +1/+1 counters, being paired or partnered with beatsticks for her to grant trample, cards that can increase her token production somehow (like anything with populate or doubling season-type effects), and bounce or blink.  Yinna, of course, is from Kaladesh. She enjoys blending organic life, mainly plants, with her artifice.

For whatever reason, I’m really bad at designing blue/white commanders as well as red/white ones. Maybe white just isn’t my thing. Selkia comes with a pretty powerful moat-like ability, with the caveat that she has to be untapped for it to be turned on. Luckily, blue is the color of untapping things and white is the color of vigilance, although with her 2/2 body, she probably needs to be beefed up a little before attacking in the first place. Selkia’s power scales with the number of players in the game. Having a moat effect becomes a lot more valuable when lots of people have huge armies of creatures (Or armies of huge creatures) and are just looking for places to point them. Selkia’s cost reduction ability, one meant to mimic Commander 2016’s “Undaunted” mechanic, also becomes better with each extra player in the game.  Selkia is from Alyra. A plane where an invasion of the south by powerful demon lords has forced many of the plane’s inhabitants to migrate to the cold North to make a last stand against the ever advancing demonic forces.

Finally, there’s Mag, Gurana Stalker//Old Mag This is a pretty straightforward beater on the front side. The flavor is a lot like the idea of a ramping threat, like a movie monster. Sometimes, like the blob, the monster grows from small to larger and larger as it devours more people. Sometimes it’s the alien chestburster who undergoes a metamorphosis and emerges as an alien warrior. Other times it’s the raptors who learn how to open doors.  Once transformed, Mag gains a powerful combat ability to show off her battle experience. She wouldn’t have survived to become “Old” Mag on the harsh plane of Vera if she wasn’t tough! She’s a monster in combat, making chump-blocking or often blocking her at all not much of an option. Like any growing monster, the best way to deal with her is when she’s small.  You may get the most out of Old Mag by forcing creatures to block her. If you can get enough +1/+1 counters on her, she can make devastating use of Lure effects, often being able to take out all comers all at once with that double dose of power increase, once from the counters and again from her ability. Like any voltron, she’ll do well with some hexproof or shroud. Ways to give her haste can start the attacks and counter stacking more quickly, and ways to give her +1/+1 counters can hasten her growth into the tyrant queen of the riverway a little quicker. Anyway, those are my take on the partner mechanic! I hope you enjoyed and it wasn’t TOO long of a read for you! I look forward to seeing what/if you do with them! 

Rattlesnakes and Sea Serpents

The two that stood out to me out of this batch were Hyss and Lissana, as both of them encourage a deck that operates at instant speed. Hyss requires you to keep mana open on your opponents’ turns so you can threaten them with a surprise deathtouch blocker, while Lissana allows you to cast your deck’s biggest threats at the last possible second, thus allowing you to constantly hold up counterspells and spot removal.

The Beasts of the Deep

There are a couple of very strong sea monsters, but in order to fill enough slots so that our commander’s ability is relevant, we’ll have to settle for running a few that are normally a little too vanilla for this format.

+Kederekt Leviathan: When cast EOT, it’ll clear out potential blockers and allow you to be the first to rebuild your board. +Colossal Whale: Flash gives this guy pseudo-haste, allowing you to quickly answer threats. +Wrexial, the Risen Deep: One of the few sea monsters that generate card advantage. +Scourge of Fleets: Probably won’t trigger for more than 3 or 4 in this three-color deck, but it’ll disrupt your opponents’ utility creatures/mana dorks/etc. and steal some tempo. +Stormtide Leviathan: Protects you and improves the effectiveness of your other islandwalkers. +Breaching Leviathan +Shipbreaker Kraken: Casting it EOT can allow you to immediately mostrify it and clear out blockers while you swing for 10. +Elder-Deep Fiend +Great Whale +Aethersquall Ancient +Stormsurge Kraken +Trench Gorger +Aethertide Whale +Deep-Sea Kraken +Grozoth +Inkwell Leviathan +Pearl Lake Ancient +Simic Sky Swallower

Harnessing Tiamat’s Might

In addition to one or two cards that specifically support our deck’s tribal theme, there are lots of cards that have synergy with our strategy of “EOT drop some huge fat”.

+Sunder: Once you have a bunch of large creatures on the board, casting Sunder can be an excellent way to close out the game. +Prime Speaker Zegana/Hunter’s Prowess/Hunter’s Insight/Rishkar’s Expertise/Soul’s Majesty: The ratio of cards drawn to mana spent on these is hard to beat once you’ve got a sea monster to target. +Greater Good: Good protection against board wipes and pretty thematic, too. Ever heard of whale falls? +Whelming Wave: Excellent way to clear out blockers while leaving our main threats untouched. +Toxic Deluge: Since most of the creatures we care about are huge, we can easily pick a number that will wipe out our opponents’ stuff while allowing our benthic beasts to survive.

Summoning the Sea

Given that the average CMC of our sea monsters is like 6 or 7, we’re going to need a fair bit of ramp if we want to consistently cast them.

+Ancient Tomb +Sol Ring +Mana Crypt +Joraga Treespeaker +Trinket Mage +Cultivate +Kodama’s Reach +Skyshroud Claim +Hunting Wilds +Ranger’s Path +Explosive Vegetation

Abyssal Magics

These are our primary means of interacting with our opponents; most of them are instant speed to keep with the deck’s theme of playing on our opponents’ turns.

+Crush of Tentacles +Rapid Hybridation +Pongify +Doom Blade +Sultai Charm +Nature’s Claim +Arcane Denial +Counterspell +Cyclonic Rift +Disallow +Forbid +Go for the Throat +Negate +Putrefy +Swan Song +Vendetta +Damnation +Toxic Deluge

Wrapping Up

The rest of the deck is mostly goodstuff, with one or two tricks to take advantage of Hyss’s deathtouch. You can take a look at the full decklist here:

Snakes and Serpents

Thanks for the extremely creative challenge (and for your patience) @lyla-lycoris! I’m working my way through my backlog and will tackle more submissions soon.

[fitnesshealthyoga-blog]

New Post has been published on https://fitnesshealthyoga.com/12-wellness-instagram-accounts-to-motivate-you-in-2019/

12 Wellness Instagram Accounts to Motivate You In 2019

If you are one of those people who see a new year as the opportunity for a fresh start, you may have already spent some time thinking about habits you’d like to break or form as we start 2019. Though you can probably think of many healthy habits you would like to adopt in the new year, have you thought about how you can give your creativity a fresh cleanse with new and exciting sources of motivation and inspiration?

With 500 million daily users, it is no surprise that Instagram is a huge resource for finding inspiring content.

Check out these 12 amazing wellness advocates who will be sure to supply you with a healthy, fresh dose of motivation in 2019.

1. @livewellwithlo 

Hawaii living Lauren Kissee takes to Instagram to promote wellness and healthy, mindful living. “Pursuing a life well-lived,” Lauren shares tidbits into her life in the form of yummy recipes, awesome eBook resources, and natural skincare tips, with lots of color sprinkled in! 

2. @thefashionfitnessfoodie 

There is no shortage of hilarious, fact-checking sass on Lucy Fountain’s account. Lucy is a wellness advocate whose career is centered on putting a stop to the scams and “quick fixes” by providing real truth and encouraging a balanced, forgiving, health conscious approach to wellness.

3. @saraclarkyoga

Sara Clark uses her passion to do more than just live a solo-focused healthy life. Instead, she uses her voice to inspire others to do the same through promoting yoga, mindfulness, and meditation. Sara spreads positivity, inspiration, and hope through her platform, and frequently teaches yoga in NYC.

4. @paleoglutenfreeeats  

Kaylie of @paleoglutenfreeeats features the most mouth watering paleo and gluten free recipes, and she is sure to include chocolate as frequently as possible. Follow her for a solid dose of healthy sweet treat inspiration, because who doesn’t want to be encouraged to eat brownies for breakfast?!

5. @wellandfull 

Just in case you follow a plant-based diet and have been eating more beans and rice than you can stand, check out Sarah’s inspiring creations over on @wellandfull. Sarah incorporates creativity into her dishes to create meals that are almost too pretty to eat! 

6. @charlotttequeen

If you’re looking for some beautiful, bright meal inspiration, Charlotte is your girl. She keeps it real, and features everything from salads and veggies to burgers and pancakes, because #balance. A big fan of dispelling Instagram’s false image of “fit,” she is a fan of speaking it how it actually is through side-by-side comparison images. 

7. @rocamoon

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    DECEMBER FITMAS CHALLENGE!! 💥 It’s that time of year again, who’s ready to get their fitness dancing shoes on with us!? Haha happy December 1st everyone!! (Cannot believe it’s already here🙃)… ok soooo for all you who are keen & I hope that’s lots of you again 😜 I left it up to you guys to vote what we should do & it sounds like the 1000 burpees killed ya last year!? Haha so by popular vote “25 FOR 25” it is! . ✨ Basically the goal is to move that bod of urs & do something active for 25mins each day until Christmas Day! 🎉🎁 You can personalize it how you like… whether it’s a simple walk or run, dancing in the mirror at home, or a quick & intense HIIT workout- it’s up to you! If anything the goal is to just get moving and trying to push urself a little extra this season whatever it is!🏋🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🧘🏽‍♀️🏄🏽‍♀️🚴🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️👍🏼 If you r wanting a lil more guidance I will be posting the days workout on my story for you the night before, which will be a combo of 25mins of activity or 25 reps of set exercises. . YOU IN!? Comment a Christmas tree 🎄 if you are & tag ur buddies, fambam, lovers, or whoever to get in on it with ya- it’s much easier & more fun that way to keep each other accountable🙌🏽 . Some of my fam in NZ have accepted the challenge again so I’m super stoked!! Oh and would love to hear any of ur fav go to exercises below & maybe I can incorporate them somewhere along the way. . ✨document & share!..share in the comments of my posts what u r up to, or share pics/vids/boomerangs, whatever on ur IG stories or feed & tag me @rocamoon + use hashtag #25FITMASDAYS so we can all see & be inspired!! That’s if u want to 😉 . ✨PRIZES! For a little extra motivation & fun there will be a prize each week. I’ll announce on stories & gift to people who are participating!! Maybe things like workout gear, energy bars, glasses, swimsuits- we shall see if anyone even joins in haha😝 Alriiiiiiighty let’s do this 💪🏽💪🏽 today will be mellow, starting with just a 25min quick paced walk while u mentally prepare & commit to a better version of urself for the next 25days.. .btw don’t think you r gonna get away with doing no fitmas burpees Just yet 😜🔥 #25FITMASDAYS #merryfitmas #tistheseason

A post shared by Mona-Jane (@rocamoon) on Dec 1, 2018 at 6:20am PST

In addition to posting beautiful imagery with views to envy, Mona-Jane of @rocamoon doesn’t fall short in the motivation category. A huge fitness (and ice cream!) lover, Mona-Jane encourages her followers to take advantage of the great outdoors through living an active lifestyle. She frequently posts fun workout challenges to inspire her followers to get up and get moving! 

8. @thehealthmason 

The Health Mason, also known as Allie, is a wellness advocate passionate about the topics of mental health awareness, all things balance, and keeping it honest. As an ED survivor, Allie is a believer in using food as medicine. Follow along on her journey for all things recipes, skincare, and lifestyle! 

9. @saltsandandsmoothies

A fantastic source of knowledge on the power of plants and holistic living, Amelia Whelan provides her followers with incredible recipes and a gold mine of holistic living tips. She promotes wellness through conscious and intentional living, sharing loads inspirational and thought-provoking content along the way. 

10. @spinach4breakfast 

Sisters Maria & Alyssa took to their blog to document their health and wellness journey and provide a tool for anyone looking for a bit of inspiration. Focusing on all things health, wellness, and motherhood, these sisters know the importance of balancing intuitive eating with sweet indulgences. 

11. @cultivatewithkruti 

Kruti Shah of @cultivatewithkruti is a yogi, plant-based recipe developer and food stylist who uses her passion for health and wellness to share mouth watering creations with others. When she isn’t busy cooking up tasty dishes, and promoting health, wellness, and mindfulness, she is busy pursuing her Master’s Degree in Occupational Therapy.

12. @eatgoodfoodandmove 

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    I’ve been craving some fancy dairy-free nachos and this plate did NOT disappoint. The @CholulaHotSauce cashew sour cream took it to the next level 🙌🏼🙌🏼They were so good I might have made them twice already😬 This is one of those meals that will impress your friends and make you seem like a fancy master chef 💁🏻‍♀️but is actually super simple and can be whipped up in just under an hour. Although this recipe as written is vegan, swap out the beans and corn for ground turkey taco meat and you are good to go for a Paleo or Whole30 approved meal. [ad] MAKE THIS PLATE: CHOLULA CASHEW SOUR CREAM: (Adapted from @ohsheglows cashew sour cream) -3/4 cup water -1 1/2 cups cashews -2 Tablespoons lemon juice -2 tsp apple cider vinegar -pinch of salt -5-6 Tablespoons Cholula Hot Sauce (depending on how much flavor you want) DIRECTIONS: 1. Soak cashews in boiling water, for at least an hour. Blend all ingredients together in a high-speed blender until the consistency is smooth. 2. Sweet potato fries (I think they are easier to pick up than circular shapes): Preheat oven to 425, wash sweet potatoes, cut into wedges/fries, brush with avocado oil and use s&p. Cook for 40-60 minutes, stirring halfway through. 3. Top fries with: baby tomatoes, avocados, black beans, black olives, fresh corn, jalapenos, a squeeze of fresh lime, cilantro, and the Cholula sour cream

A post shared by Katie White (@eatgoodfoodandmove) on Jul 26, 2018 at 7:24pm PDT

“Good food can be both nourishing and delicious,” says Katie White of @eatgoodfoodandmove. An advocate of real food combined with movement (especially yoga), Katie doesn’t let Celiac disease keep her on the sidelines. She whips up creative dishes that are nourishing, gluten-free, AND absolutely delicious. Her sweet potato nachos sure do sound pretty good right about now.

  Whether you are an experienced wellness professional or you are just beginning your wellness journey, it is important to fuel yourself with a sense of motivation. Instagram is an endless source of inspiring content, especially when it comes to health and wellness. Follow along with these awesome accounts to begin the new year fueled up on motivation and ready to tackle your goals.

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[kingdoms-of-fate]

Kalithan

Setting

Mordeadus - homebrew

Country

Kalithan

Race

Human,vampires Note: Vampires are playable in this setting.

Terrain

Vast rolling fields, thick blood birch forests Note: Blood birch appears to look like regular birch except instead of white and black bark, they have red and black bark and a deep red blood sap.

Vampire clan - The Kalithan

They are a clan of slick talking vampires who run a large scale thief guild across the continent with many sub thief guilds under their wing

Patient and smooth but very greedy, they come off as charismatic and charming.

Vampire Abilties

Counts as undead vs turning They do not eat or drink Immune to poison/disease No CON bonus to hit points D12 hit points per level Damage resistance 1/blunt per 4 class levels Vampires cannot be healed with healing spells and instead ,regenerate 1 point of damage a day per level Healing/holy deal double damage Sunlight deals D6 damage per round. Note: Because vampires are overpowered compared to someone playing a human, consider awarding less XP to vampires per encounter.

Blood Pools

Each vampire has a blood pool which they use to live and grant themselves abilities. If a vampire's blood pool reaches 0, they die and turn to dust. Every day a vampire loses 1 blood point automatically. Every vampire has a number of blood points in their pool with a maximum number of 10 plus 2 per class level. To gain 1 point in the blood pool vampires must drink blood from a human, draining 1 CON point from their victim per blood point which the human can regenerate at a rate of 1 CON a day. If the victim reaches 0 CON, they die.

The Kalithan Specific Vampire Abilities

To create a Kalithan vampire, a human must be drained of blood, given 1 Kalithan blood point and then have a 500 gold piece gem destroyed in their honor.

Kalithans get plus 2 DEX and CHA and minus 2 CON and STR.

Anyone who becomes a Kalithan vampire loses all previous classes and replaces them with thief levels.

Using 1 blood point heals 1 hit points per class level Using 2 blood points can increase open locks, diplomacy, pickpocket, move silently, set traps, hide, climb or tumble by 2 for the Kalithan's remaining blood pool in rounds. Using 2 blood points can increase their DEX or CHA by 2 for rounds equal to their remaining blood pool.

Clan Culture

The Kalithan group together in clans called guilds. They love treasure, gold,jewelry, magic items anything of value and will con, cheat and steal their way to get it.

They will always try to get the better bargain in a deal, get the highest percentage of a treasure and are not above stealing from their own friends.

Within the clan is the vampire who owns the most treasure who is at the highest station with every member being one enormous haul away from ruling the nation.

Kalithans will use their charisma to get close to someone and then take what they want from them when their guard is down.

The clans strongest vice is smoking tobacco gathered and harvested from the farms. No vampire is ever caught without a pouch of tobacco because it is bad manners to not end a deal or conversation with a smoke.

Settlements

The plains are sprawling with failing cities and towns of run down building and beggars. Out in the country, the region is dotted with a numerous small ranches and farms with the people more well-off.

The forests tend to be wild with few inhabitants except for a few logging villages that exist on the border.

Architecture Style

Kalithan vampires

Each guild lives within a villa built in the center of each city. The villa is built of polished white stone and blood birch with dark red clay tile roofs.

The insides tend to be a maze of false tunnels, hidden rooms and doors with many halls lined with traps keeping intruders at bay.

Secret tunnels run behind walls used for peeping on guests through holes cut into paintings. Secret doors are hidden behind bookcases and cupboards leading to a system of tunnels that run to the sewers in the city.

Human

The people build with blood birch leaving the bark on the wood for texture and design.

The rooftops are made of dark brown clay towers with the poorest using straw tied into bundles.

Clothing Style

Kalithan vampires

They wear leather tunics and leggings often with vests and caps. Leather belts holstering knives and daggers run across their arms, legs and chest and most have a pipe placed in an open loop on their tunic.

Humans

Both women and men tend to wear dark colored dyed leather tunics and leggings of browns, blacks and maroon.

To cover for the cold, they wear black furred cloaks held closed by leather strips knotted through loops. Very few wear dresses.

Every human citizen of Kalithan is required to wear a blood birch bead necklace or bracelets. The blood birch jewelry is crafted by the Kalithan vampires and have their guild crest scratched into the beads. This is a symbolic sign of being owned, the necklaces being collars, the bracelets akin to shackles.

If any citizen is found to not be wearing their beads ,they are stripped and flogged with a second offense being death by hanging. If any non citizen is found wearing beads, they are killed outright.

If any sub-thief guild, more on these in issues, finds someone who is not a Kalithan citizen wearing the beads, they are tortured and killed with their head being sent back to the Kalithan guild whom the beads belonged to.

Religion

There is no central religion.

Government

The Kalithans rule over the people as dictators. The guilds together form one massive guild that stretches across the entire nation with their sub-factions extending to every nation on the continent. The richest guild has the height of power, ruling over the nation while the other guilds each have control of their city and surrounding lands.

The Kalithans keep the riches of their guild deep below their villas hidden in the maze of tunnels and guarded by legions of undead and beasts with no human ever allowed to see the extent of their wealth.

Penny pinching, the Kalithans rarely spend their money to improve the quality of life for the humans instead rather having them live destitute in squalor than spend a copper to raise the standards of living.

Being a thief guild, they have no reason to steal as they only need to collect taxes to obtain the people's gold and treasure. However, they do tax everything, having the highest tax rates on the entire continent.

The Kalithan clans squeeze as much as they can from the people to the point of almost collapse, letting the citizen keep just enough to buy clothing and food and repair their shelters.

Anyone who lies about their wealth or hides it is punishes severely with beatings, whippings and even being skinned alive. This has created a local saying, “Better to eat the dirt then have no teeth.”

Economy

The nation has few exports except for some small crafts traded independently by small business, merchants and tobacco.

The main import is stolen treasure gathered by the 100s of sub-guilds throughout the continent. The main resource the nation produces is steer hide and tobacco. The ranches and farms employ most of the unskilled labor and it is what keeps the peasants from going completely broke and homeless.

The steer ranches provide the people of Kalithan with most of their protein and clothing material and the tobacco farms the main crops.

These two industries are under the protection of the Kalithans, being one of the few things the vampires put money into, hiring troops of Glongia mercenaries, they pay them to keep an eye on the ranches and farms looking for theft and poachers, having full authority to punish those caught in the act.

Issues

Sub-clans

As the Kalithan branched their influence to other nations, they either allied themselves or killed rival thief guilds. As a result, now the Kalithans are the only thief guild on the continent with others always being sub-guilds.

A sub-guild, usually being human, must pay a tithe to exist or be wiped out.

The sub guild is the lightning rod, the fall guy in the region they exist. The Kalithan, having no wish to start a war - a government finding out their citizens are losing half their wealth to a foreign thief guild who is also the heads of states would lead to a lot of wars very quickly - never run a sub-guild themselves instead staying far away, keeping their hands clean.

The only proof the Kalithan run these sub-guilds are humans who have confessed or shipments of gold sent to Kalithan that have been intercepted.

Some sub-guilds do become greedy or have grown tired of foreign powers controlling their black market and sometimes guild wars do break out. In cases like that the Kalithan will hire Glongia mercenaries to wipe out the leadership or request other sub-guilds take over.

The average foot thief just getting their lock picks dirty will know their guild is the tip of the iceberg, but rarely ask how far it goes, knowing the things in the dark should stay there.

Blood Gremlins

There is a vampire race of gremlins that feed off of blood to survive.

They live in swarms and will drink anything with blood, humans, animals and even vampires, becoming like locusts devouring anything they can come across.

The swarms are created by fat queen imps who can lay dozens of eggs a day with each eggs only taking a week to hatch. Killing a queen does not ensure the death of the swarm, once one queen is dead, a new one will form within days from the survivors. Not much is known how this occurs but most wizards tend to agree it is the magical nature of the creatures with some sort of hive connection that alerts the swarm a new queen is needed.

Dangerous to the villages, farms and ranches, sometimes swarms can grow to such sizes even the cities and vampires fear their numbers. Wihtin the citie,s they are like vermin and constantly hunted down. The gremlins mostly feed on the rats but do often feed on the sleeping as well, even making their way into the villas.

On the countryside, they live in giant dirt mounds similar to red ant hills with even a slight disturbance of the nest bringing out the entire swarm.

Travelers have been known to have been attacked at night on the roadside and entire cattle herds have been wiped out.

To deal with the threat, the Kalithan do what they never do and offer rewards, from imp heads making a few copper, destroyed nests dozens to 100s of gold and queen sacs making platinum. The Kalithans  even hire Glongia mercenaries battalions to sweep the forests and plains regularly, destroying nests and having kill teams search the sewers daily. Still despite the efforts, the blood gremlin infestations seems to be growing, suggesting something more than breeding is causing them to appear.

No one knows how or where the blood gremlins started, but everyone does agree they are spreading with nests now being found on the borders of the Vierillim, Allvien, Lycanthrope forest and the Storm Plains. If not stopped, it is reasonable to assume the blood gremlins could sweep across the continents, eventually wiping out entire ecosystems even civilizations.

[toggle1-mrfipp]

I’m going to talk about RWBY V4

Because why not?

A bit late to the party I suppose, but everyone is doing it and I do have some thoughts on Volume 4 of RWBY, so I thought I might as well get some things off my chest. I’ll be starting from what I disliked the most and work my way up from there.

Blake’s Story

To be perfectly honest I found Blake’s share of the volume to be somewhat unbearable, it doesn’t really offer anything new for her, it’s just a retread of what she went through the in the first three volumes: she runs away from something that troubles her and a friend has to pull her back and tells her she is wrong. She runs away from Beacon and her friends in a bid to protect them from the White Fang, but she heads straight to her parents? We learned a lot about Blake’s pre-Beacon life and the more I learned about it the less I like it, her and everything about the Faunus storyline. While I can’t say it exactly contradicts anything we knew about her, the reveal that she was the daughter of the then-leader of the White Fang and now-leader of Menagerie does not gel with what most people were thinking about her life. Most people thought she had to struggle and endure a lot for the fight for equality, but she grew up in a tropical paradise, in a giant mansion, on an island where the populations seems to entirely Faunus? The biggest problem with this storyline is that we never see any sort of racism against Faunus, Weiss, Roman and Cardin were the only people who showed negative thoughts against them, and even then it doesn’t feel like I think it’s supposed to. Cardin seemed like an asshole to everyone, Torchwick was too enjoyable of a character, and Weiss’ views seemed like they were retconned back in V2. She came to Beacon thinking that all Faunus were murderers and thieves and given the proper chance would join the White Fang without hesitation, then she later says she came to Beacon to make things right by the SDC Faunus workers? Even Menagerie, which we were told was overcrowded and kind of shitty actually looks great, easily one of the better looking and more scenic places in the show with tons of space to in the jungles to expand. Overall this makes the White Fang seem like nothing more than cartoon villain henchman who are villains just because the heroes need someone to beat up. There was a moment, however, where we were introduced to the idea that Adam was leading a splinter group of the White Fang, but that idea was killed not even a minute it was introduced.

Another issues is that Blake is the daughter someone who led the White Fang and is now the leader of the Faunus capital. The name “Belladonna” should be a much more known name, Weiss of all people should have called Blake out on that, but no one ever says anything about it, not even when her name was on screen of the Vytal Tournament for the world to see.

Blake and Sun also suffered as characters. Blake was just unpleasant in most of her scenes, being snappy and dismissive towards anyone who tried to talk sense into her, and while I would have understood this sort of attitude given the situation, the fact that they’re repeating the same arc for her won’t let me. Sun somehow got it worst because outside his last scene with Blake everything that come out of his mouth is terrible, it’s like the writers simply can’t write him as anything as being a shitty comic relief. I’ve mentioned it before, but the things I hated most about the SSSN vs NDGO fight was that it was nothing but bad jokes for the sake of them, and none of them hitting, and that seems to apply to Sun on his own. It’s like they made no effort to write him in any serious manner.

0/10 honestly.

Yang’s Story

At the end of V3, out of all the characters Yang had been unloaded with the most baggage. She lost her arm and she was left behind by most of the people she cared about, put that on top of previously established abandonment issues, she had the most work to do when it came to her own personal demons. Out of everyone, she should have been a gold mine of things to work with, but we got nothing from her. While the first scene with her was good at establishing where she was in life, all the issues she had were introduced, glanced over, and were seemingly resolved in no time. She more or less was given fifteen minute, and the only thing that really happened was that she was given a robot arm at the end of her first episode, and had it on by her second. That’s the exact thing I didn’t want to happen, and it really makes me think that the fact that she had lost her arm will never be brought up in any meaningful light ever again.

3/10 here.

Weiss’ Story

While Blake’s story was terrible, and Yang’s was disappointing, Weiss’ was boring and predictable. It went like I thought it was going to go, hit all the story beats I knew it was, and there was nothing I didn’t expect. Like Blake’s, it’s just redoing her previous story and adds nothing really new aside from Whitley, who seems like the most last-minute addition of a character I ever saw. The moment I saw him I more or less guessed what his role was going to be, just to be an obstacle in Weiss way who just happens to be a Jacques 2.0, and it just seems redundant, and I don’t expect anything much more than that from him. I actually even lowered my opinion of Weiss because of the time skip, since V4 was about 6-8 months after Beacon, but she spent all that time moping and staring out her window? She really did nothing during that time to further her own goals? She wants to run the SDC, but all she did during that time was be sad? It really makes me wonder if she actually has a plan for the SDC since she didn’t seem like she really worked for it, that she was just expecting it to fall into her lap.

Then there’s the summoned knight. On one hand, as a Jojo fan I appreciate her knight since it would make Weiss a Stand User (it’s just a great sword variant of Silver Chariot), but from a narrative perspective I hate it. Things like Dust, Aura and Semblances have always been vaguely defined, and the way Weiss’ powers work makes it look like it’s just magic and that she can do whatever the writers want. With what she had to start with, Weiss already had a very variable moveset, so there didn’t seem like there needed to be a power up like that, which seems like a separate power rather than a branching ability of what she already knew. Then there is tying it to her character development, but that’s something that should have been from the start instead of 1/3 through V3. They should not have introduced something like this so later into her character development if it was going to matter this much.

So 5/10 for her.

Honestly the WBY stories fell like filler for the most par with the obvious end goal of each one to get them to Haven and have them meet up with Ruby. Splitting up the team seems more like a novelty than anything else, like they did it because they could but never put thought into what to do with that. It’s just the tournament all over again. It presents interesting ideas, but the way it follows them up is a massive let down.

Ruby/RNJR/Oscar/Villains AKA Main Plot

While I disliked WBY’s part of the volume,I have to say I much more favorable view the actual plot part.

At first I was rather skeptical of Hazel, Watts and Tyrian,Tyrian in particular, but after his encounter in RNJR and Qrow, Tyrian is on a fast track to becoming a favorite villain of mine. He was an enjoyable character to watch and his interactions with the heroes were great, and the reveal that he has this fanatical worship of Salem to the point where her being disappointed in him is enough to drive him to tear-ridden lunacy was just fantastic, and it gives me high hopes for Hazel and Watts. This volume also did a lot in turning my opinion on Cinder around. I disliked her very much because she was always over confident and smug without me feeling that she really earned it, skulking in the shadows being vague and mysterious for the sake of it with master plans, even though most of her victories were more of a result of her opposition’s failures than her successes. They tried to play her as this all seeing chess master, but the writers but they had to stick her into the spotlight, but she was terribly boring and all the other villains around her were so much better than her. Then V4 comes around and she is the broken and mute cripple who struggles to even stand up, she is the bottom tier of Salem’s followers and is openly mocked by her superiors, and the Maiden powers she tore Beacon down for seemingly came with a devastating weakness she didn’t even know about. Back in V3 she said she wanted to be powerful and feared, but she is now the antithesis of that, even though Beacon was technical success for her, she ended up being the opposite of what she wanted, and I want to see where this goes for her.

Oscar was also something I want to see where it goes. This random nobody farmhand who seems to now share head space with one of the more mysterious characters in the show now being shoved into the plot could lead to some interesting things, and I like their interactions enough to see how this goes for them, and what happens with them and what this means for the both of them.

We also had a surprise moment with Raven and Qrow, and everything about that scene was gold. All I wanted from Raven was for her to be a piece of shit who ran out on her family because she simply didn’t want to there, and I was afraid that they were going to pull some “greater good” angle with her, but not did they do what I wanted them to do, but they also made her the leader of a tribe of bandits that go around and pillaging and burning down villages. Her entire conversation with Qrow makes me want to see her again and more of her view on the world and her relationship with the people in her past.

The remaining members of Team JNPR also each had great moments this volume. We saw Jaune’s own way of grieving regarding Pyrrha, and as a Souls fan I appreciate that his weapon is now just Ludwig’s Holy Blade, and while I would have liked to see how Ren and Nora were dealing with this loss as well, we were given a gold mine on their backstories and history together, and everything about this was fantastic in itself. Then through those flashbacks and the fights in the ruined Kuroyuri the show was able to take huge leaps to redeeming the Grimm as actual threats. The Nuckelavee is the kind of monster I wanted, this unsettling and powerful creature that is more than just a fodder mook, if they’re able to keep their monster designs on par with this, then I’d be fine with the heroes tearing through Beowolves by the dozens if we get more monsters like this.

There were a few problems, of course. I liked the globetrotting aspect of their journey, but seeing as how Weiss, Blake, Yang and Oscar all took much quicker ways to Have it loses its appeal real quick. The Relics is also a problem because it seems to instantly outshine the Maidens since they seem to be the exact same thing from a narrative view, and there didn’t seem like there need to be both at the same time.The Haven airships coming to find RNJR was also a bit of a cop out.

Then there is Ruby Rose.

I’ve already talked about this but I’m going to better explain my views. After V4 ended someone tallied up the total lines between each character, and they found out that had it not been for her closing narration, Ruby’s line count would have gone from most number of lines, to third, just below Blake and Jaune, which has led to some people complaining about Ruby’s role in the story and that Jaune was stealing the spotlight from her. Personally I don’t see it as this way, at least not entirely, since I don’t view the number of a character’s lines as a very important part of how much impact or meaningful they are in the narrative. For example, even though Sun comes in fifth almost every line he has is garbage and not worth the time watching him, and even though he is not in the top ten, I much more enjoyed Oscar’s side of the story than Blake’s, who came in second in line count.

I’m been rewatching Samurai Jack recently to get caught up with the new season coming up, and it makes me appreciate how much a character’s presence can speak for them without them ever saying anything at all, there is a lot of silence in those episodes, and more often than not Jack will have less lines than anyone else around him. “The Princess and the Bounty Hunters” is a good example of this, since Jack only show up in the last two minutes, he says nothing and you don’t even get a clear look at his face, but that one scene ends up being the heaviest and most tense moment in the episode because of how much weight he carries into the narrative.

Ruby’s problem isn’t that people are stealing screentime from her, it’s that she has little to none narrative presences by default, and this isn’t even a new problem. All the way back in V1 when she had her argument with Weiss, that seemed to put more focus on Weiss than her, and it wasn’t until the last few episodes of V3 did she actually start taking the initiative in the plot and had all those hero moments. For the most part she didn’t matter in V2 to the point where anything she did could have been done by anyone else and there would be no changes. The only time where Ruby’s actual character mattered was when she shared scenes with Penny, and those aren’t going to happen anymore, and while she did have those hero moments in V3, they feel more like she had them because she was the Default Hero instead of them being important to her, that she was given them because of course she’s doing all the cool stuff, she’s the hero so she gets them by default. I don’t even really like how they’re trying to set up this Ruby vs Cinder fight since that seems so default, when I’d rather JNR fight her instead.

Ruby Rose’s writing is less about other taking from her, and more about her just not being given much to begin with. You could remove Jaune, Nora and Ren from the show, but then Ruby would just be overshadowed by Weiss, Blake and Yang and their stories, and outside removing every other character in the show, that won’t make the writing for her better. She needs more narrative presence, she needs to actually be important and carry weight for the story, and until they stop writing her as the Default Hero and figure out what they want to do with her, any other changes they make won’t matter.

So main plot stuff gets a 8/10.

V1: 6/10

V2: 2/10

V3: 7/10

V4: Averages out to 4/10

Also a shout out the World of Remnant pieces this volume, since they were actually good. Back when WoR was introduced, I thought they were a good idea, RWBY had precious little screen time as is, so I this seemed like a good way to get around explaining things that the average person in-universe should know, but the ones were got in V2 and 3 were hit and miss, mostly miss. They either repeated information to the point of being moot or revealed plot important details that should have been in the show proper. The ones we got this volume were well informed, they told us details of everyday facets of this world, giving us what we needed so the show could dedicate itself to explaining on a more detailed level. I think we now know what the average informed citizen of Remnant should know, and I feel that’s what World of Remnant should try to accomplish.

[ixcaliber]

I Will Rate Every Stand In Part 5

Gold Experience - not a bad stand for a protagonist, pretty versatile, looks are okay, giorno has plenty of opportunities to use it in weird and creative ways to overcome obstacles. a pretty solid stand 7 out of 10

Sticky Fingers - first up i’m a sucker for the hidden eyes look so this stand gets extra points right from the get go, the zips thing is pretty cool and sometimes buccelati does the ora ora thing with ari ari arrivederci when he hits people 8 out of 10

Black Sabbath - okay so black sabbath looks seriously cool it has the whole venetian garb look going for it and the arrow motif i’m already on board when it comes to this stand but then for bonus points its a remote stand that operates in a cool and interesting way (attacking everyone who sees polpo’s lighter get extinguished and using the arrow to do so to create new stand users for the mob) and god i’m super on board except i do have a couple of niggling questions. Like how did the stand arrow become part of polpo’s stand, why didn’t the requiem stuff happens when in the fight black sabbath stabs gold experience with the arrow? i’m not gonna get too bogged down in inconsistencies and shit that doesn’t make 100% sense though because this is jojo after all. ultimately black sabbath is a real good stand. 9 out of 10

Moody Blues - moody blues looks real cool and also while maybe not the best fighting stand imagine how powerful a stand is that can play back any action anyone has taken so long as it has access to the place where it happened and knows when it happened. it’d be virtually impossible to keep anything secret from this stand and i love it. also the part where it flies the plane by replicating the actions of a pilot. it’s really cool and underutilized maybe. 8 out of 10

Soft Machine - it put a boat in another boat and i still don’t understand the logistics of this 4 out of 10

Sex Pistols - while i like standard stand design i really really like stands that don’t adhere to that and this stand is bullets and its really good. they’re kind of adorable sometimes and its just a shame that shooting people is pretty useless in jojo 6 out of 10

Kraftwerk - dont like its teeth i’d be so much more enthused about this stand if it didn’t have this awful fixed grin (though maybe thats the point given its ability) its ability is cool so i can be too mad at it though 5 out of 10

Aerosmith - remember when i said i was a big fan of stands that don’t look like the standard... Aerosmith great its just again kind of a shame that its ability isn’t the most engaging you know... 6 out of 10

Little Feet - shrinks its enemies it’s dull and plain looking 1 out of 10

Purple Haze - the stand too powerful to ever actually do anything throughout the entirety of part 5. it looks cool enough the only problem with this stand is that it’s a protagonist stand instead of an antagonist stand. i really kind of feel like after buccelati et all broke off from the mob and fugo remained loyal they should have done more with that. fugo being actually loyal and seeing his friends as betraying him and then actually going after them, that’d have been a cool story imo. purple haze is kind of too powerful though so um 5 out of 10 could have been cool but wasn’t

Man In The Mirror - this stand has like a mask thing going on which is in its favour but at the same time its like a mirror world thing and its kind of... whatever i’ll give it a 7 out of 10 for that mask alone

Mr President - apparently the name of the turtle room stand. it’s pretty cool even though i don’t understand why a turtle has an alcove for a key and how that whole arrangement came to exist. is the key the stand and the turtle the user? are they part of a whole? was this turtle just born with a key in its back or born with this indent and then once someone found the matching key its stand was unlocked? so many questions. one thing is for sure this turtle is a precious friend lets say a 5 out of 10 for being more functional than interesting

The Grateful Dead - lots of eyes... kind of unpleasant to look at... the aging thing is pretty cool though... 5 out of 10, it might have got more but somehow it fails to be as outright alarming as 

Beach Boy - any scene where Beach Boy is moving up beneath someone’s flesh is the most viscerally unpleasant. i kind of can’t believe that a stand that’s just a fishing rod is as much of a nightmare as it is but holy shit. 8 out of 10 is a score thats supposed to reflect that its a very effective stand at what it sets out to do even if i am not exactly super fond of it

Baby Face - the first thing this stand does is rape a woman so she can give birth to a specially designed bucellati hunting stand... this is a bad bad stand. 0 out of 10

White Album - white album has powers to make things cold... which is... okay i guess i mean i’d certainly take that over punching stands that just punch real hard. it does get points for being a stand that someone can wear and having cool ice skate feet though. 6 out of 10

King Crimson - haha god i’ve got no fucking idea ?? out of 10

Clash - i do like the non-humanoid stands so i’m already down with this i um forgot what this stand can actually do though.... oh okay just the teleportation between liquids, i um kind of expected it to have something more than that given that it needs that much to be even just able to get around. its okay you know but not what i might have envisaged for something based on The Clash. 6 out of 10

Talking Head - looking back i seem to either be saying ‘i like the design but the power isn’t interesting’ or ‘i like the power but the design is bad’ and this is the latter of the two. it’s pretty fun and is used real well though lets say 7 out of 10

Notorious B.I.G. - Notorious BIG is great i love this unkillable stand, the only stand that actually survives because they’re just like ‘nope there’s nothing we can actually really do about this lets just get it the frick away from us’. its design is great its concept is great. i mean i do have to wonder what the heck its deal was before its user died i mean this is not a useful stand to have at all. that guy must have been real dedicated to the mob you know. 10 out of 10 love this stand so much

Spice Girl - mostly just mad araki didn’t really give trish the actual opportunity to fight anyone or really use her abilities. there’s also no real need for spice girl to have breasts. wasn’t a major fan of how spice girl seemed to be sort of an independent intelligence and essentially i just want trish to be given more and to be treated better. kind of shitty that the one fight they actually give her is one thats unwinnable by design she doesn’t get to kill anything. maybe also not great that they give her a stand thats focused on softness i mean feminine stereotyping you know... that said spice girl is okay and the power is interesting and it’d have been nice to see it more fully utilized 6 out of 10

Metallica - the little metal beings that live inside the guys body i umm i ummmmm some of them are kind of cute somehow but seriously this stand kind of made me uncomfortable for most of its existence. oh oh and i forgot that metallica has the ability to turn an enemies blood into razor blades and shit i um nope no no thanks 5 out of 10 points being awarded for kind of cuteness and the power is pretty creative but i still hate it

Green Day - looks too human like to be really endearing to me... but has an interesting power and is well utilized and gets to do the thing where the user dismembers himself and uses green day’s ability to control each limb independently its fucking wild 7 out of 10 sure why not

Oasis - my experience may be biased given this is where i ran out of good translations and the fight just became incomprehensible. Oasis seems like a sub optimal name for a stand that can dive deep into the ground... and the design is kinda meh. the power is... okay i mean i guess this predates the awful senor pink from one piece but i did see that first and he left a bad taste and the guy who uses Oasis is pretty trash also... lets be generous and say 4 out of 10

Silver Chariot Requiem - requiem stands are duuumb. if you’re gonna add like another layer of power to a stand make it at least like an extension of the power of that stand. Silver Chariot’s power was like what...? well it was a part 3 stand i think it was just that it could slice things with a sword and was pretty fast things were much simpler and sometimes less interesting back in part 3 but requiem silver chariot has 1) make everyone in the entire city of rome go to sleep 2) bodyswap everyone in the entire city of rome 3) i think i remember that like it was trying to bring mankind towards its next stage of evolution or something who even fucking knows and 4) turns your own stand attacks against you powers. this stand makes no sense as a bumped up version of silver chariot i hate it 0 out of 10

Gold Experience Requiem - guess what other stand makes no sense as a souped up version of the original yep its this one. Gold Experience’s power is just the opposite of whatever King Crimson’s power is because we just need to be able to beat King Crimson and get the part over with already. 0 out of 10

Rolling Stones - i scream please just end already at the manga but it does not listen instead i have to read this chapter designed to explain why Buccelati didn’t be the dead for such a long length of time, or I assume as much. yeah also there’s a part in this where its like ‘oh this girl touched the stand and realized she was going to have a painful death from an illness so just was like well i guess i’ll go and commit suicide right now then this seems like the logical course of action’ i didn’t enjoy this stand 0 out of 10

in summary i enjoyed part 5 i just felt that the end was super disappointing and trish deserved better

[florahecate]

Read More 50 Unhealthiest Desserts on the Planet

The following post 50 Unhealthiest Desserts on the Planet is republished from Eat This Not That by April Benshosan

Whether you crave a chunky chocolate chip cookie, a warm mug cake, or a creamy gelato post-dinner, there’s a multitude of unhealthy desserts littering supermarket shelves. While it’s OK to indulge in your sweet tooth every once in a while, doing so regularly can lead you to pack on the pounds and put yourself at risk for metabolic diseases, especially when you choose some of these overly indulgent desserts we rounded up.

If you’re hankering for something sweet after dinner, “choose a dessert that contains zero artificial sweeteners, less than 10 grams of added sugars, and no more than 150 calories,” Jim White, RD, ACSM Health Fitness Instructor, tells us. If it has 3 grams of fiber and more than 5 grams a protein, that’s a bonus.” All of the store-bought picks we included here contain either more than 150 calories or over 10 grams of sugar per serving—but the majority fit into both categories. We divided them into categories of ice cream, candy bars, frozen cakes and pies, cookies, and packaged pastries. Steer clear and choose a scoop of healthy ice cream instead—or go the homemade route. White likes yogurt with fruit, a banana with dark chocolate and almond butter, or a homemade protein bar with dried cranberries, oats, whey protein, and cocoa for his after dinner treat.

RELATED: The easy guide to cutting back on sugar is finally here.

Ice Creams

1

Talenti Coconut Almond Chocolate Gelato

2/3 cup: 360 calories, 21 g fat (12 g saturated fat), 95 mg sodium, 40 g carbs (4 g fiber, 35 g sugar), 6 g protein

Talenti describes this flavor as taking your best friends on vacation. Whether you’re trying to slim down before a tropical escape or looking for some comfort food on the couch, this caloric pint shouldn’t be your pick.

2

Klondike Mrs. Fields Chocolate Chip Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich

340 calories, 12 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 245 mg sodium, 55 g carbs (0 g fiber, 32 g sugar), 3 g protein

Two desserts, Mrs. Fields cookies and ice cream, come together to create a 340-calorie dessert disaster. This dessert mashup carries nearly four slices of white bread worth of carbs and 8.5 teaspoons worth of sugar.

3

M&M’S Cookie Sandwiches With Vanilla Ice Cream

240 calories, 10 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 150 mg sodium, 37 g carbs (<1 g fiber, 25 g sugar), 3 g protein

Would you spoon over six teaspoons of sugar into your mouth for dessert? That’s what you’ll find in this M&M’s cookie ice cream sandwich.

4

Blue Bunny Load’d Sundae Bunny Tracks

PER UNIT (185 G): 600 calories, 32 g fat (17 g saturated fat), 250 mg sodium, 70 g carbs (3 g fiber, 60 g sugar), 9 g protein

This frozen dessert is just not worth it. Blue Bunny manages to pack in a meal’s worth of calories and more than two days’ worth of added sugars. Instead, reach for Blue Bunny’s Caramel Mini Swirls. They’re similar to the King Cones you grew up with, but come in a smaller portion with a hint of caramel—clocking in at just 140 calories and 12 grams of sugar.

5

Talenti Hazelnut Chocolate Chip Gelato

2/3 cup: 330 calories, 19 g fat (8 g saturated fat), 55 mg sodium, 36 g carbs (1 g fiber, 34 g sugar), 6 g protein

Nutella meets your favorite cookie in this ultra-creamy gelato. But do you think it’s worth 330 calories and 8.5 teaspoons worth of sugar? We think not.

6

Haagen Dazs Dulce de Leche Cookie Squares

PER BAR: 310 calories, 18 g fat (13 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 120 mg sodium, 34 g carbs (1 g fiber, 26 g sugar), 4 g protein

You’ll find a full day’s worth of saturated fat and sugar in these dulce de leche ice cream squares. If you want something cold and swirled with caramel, go for Enlightened’s sea salt caramel bar, which contains just 80 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, and 5 grams of sugar—not to mention, 7 grams of muscle-maintaining protein!

7

Ben & Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup

⅔ cup: 470 calories, 33 g fat (18 g saturated fat, 0.5 g trans fat), 180 mg sodium, 36 mg carbs (0 g fiber, 32 g sugar), 9 g protein

You’re better off biting into a Snicker’s bar. Ben & Jerry’s PB ice cream packs in a whopping 32 grams of sugar and absolutely no fiber to help stabilize your blood sugar levels. Go for Halo Top’s Peanut Butter Cup ice cream instead, which contains just 380 calories for the whole pint versus Ben & Jerry’s 1,400!

8

Talenti Peanut Butter Fudge Sorbetto

⅔ cup: 350 calories, 17 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 250 mg sodium, 46 g carbs (3 g fiber, 39 g sugar), 8 g protein

Just because it’s dairy-free doesn’t mean it will help you keep your weight in check. Talenti manages to swell its sorbetto with 9.75 teaspoons of sugar!

9

Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby

½ cup: 350 calories, 21 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 160 mg sodium, 33 mg carbs (1 g fiber, 26 g sugar), 7 g protein

Vanilla malt ice cream meets peanut and fudge-covered pretzels and fudgy peanut swirls in this caloric pint. The outcome? A chubby hubby, no doubt.

10

Tillamook’s Double Nutty Peanut Butter Ice Cream

⅓ pint: 460 calories, 34 g fat (12 g saturated fat), 250 mg sodium, 31 mg carbs (2 g fiber, 27 g sugar), 11 g protein

With your full day’s worth of heart-harming saturated fat and 90 more milligrams of sodium than a small order of McDonald’s fries, you’re better off skipping this pint and indulging in Enlightened’s chocolate chip peanut butter pint instead.

11

Häagen-Dazs Peanut Butter Salted Fudge Ice Cream

½ cup: 340 calories, 23 g fat (11 g saturated fat, 0.5 g trans fat), 150 mg sodium, 26 mg carbs (1 g fiber, 24 g sugar), 6 g protein

Peanut butter can be a wonderful weight-loss food, but it happens to sabotage every ice cream pint on this list of unhealthiest desserts. Häagen-Dazs adds 24 grams of sugar per serving to its pint, and it also boasts a seriously high fat content.

12

Magnum’s Double Caramel Bar

1 bar: 270 calories, 17 g fat (12 g saturated fat), 75 mg sodium, 29 g carbs (1 g fiber, 25 g sugar), 3 g protein

This double caramel ice cream bar by Magnum is the ultimate treat: it’s filled with luscious caramel and gooey chocolatey coating, and then smothered in a cracking milk chocolate shell for both creamy and crunchy textures. However, indulging in this frozen dessert will set you back 270 calories and 17 grams of fat. Go for Magnum’s mini version instead.

13

Magnum Ice Cream, Dark Chocolate Raspberry

⅔ cup: 340 calories, 24 g fat (15 g saturated fat), 30 mg sodium, 35 g carbs (4 g fiber, 26 g sugar), 5 g protein

If you think you’re making the smart choice by choosing a fruity ice cream, think again. Magnum manages to pack in 26 grams of sugar and 15 grams of heart-harming saturated fat into this raspberry chocolate tub. Down the whole pint, and you’ll ingest a staggering 960 calories, 42 grams of saturated fat, 1.5 grams of trans fat, and 72 grams of sugar!

Candy Bars

14

Hershey’s Cookie Layer Crunch Triple Chocolate King Size Bar

per 59 g bar: 310 calories, 19 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 130 mg sodium, 34 g carbs (2 g fiber, 27 g sugar), 4 g protein

This king-sized bar is layered with milk chocolate, chocolate cookie bits, and chocolate creme—which all amount to over a day’s worth of sugar and almost triple the amount of saturated fat than what’s in a Snickers bar.

15

Milka Chocolate Bar Oreo Bar

Per 6 blocks: 220 calories, 14 g fat (8 g saturated fat), 80 mg sodium, 23 g carbs (1 g fiber, 20 g sugar), 2 g protein

Riddled with sugar, inflammatory palm oil, and artificial flavors, we see no reason to unwrap this Oreo-studded chocolate bar. Go ahead and dunk an Oreo into milk if you’re craving cookies and cream flavor.

16

Hershey’s Milk Chocolate & Reese’s Pieces Candy Bar

PER BAR: 220 calories, 12 g fat (8 g saturated fat), 55 mg sodium, 27 g carbs (1 g fiber, 25 g sugar), 3 g protein

We’re clearly not fans of this Hershey’s bar’s nutrition panel, but the ingredient list is just as frightening. Hydrogenated oils, artificial flavors, artificial colors, oh my!

17

Snickers Crisper

PER 2 BARS: 190 calories, 9 g fat (5 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 85 mg sodium, 26 g carbs (1 g fiber, 20 g sugar), 3 g protein

You’ll find milk chocolate, peanuts, crisp rice, and caramel in this candy bar. Snickers really outdid itself with the Crisper, which houses almost a full day’s worth of sugar.

18

Reese’s Crunchers

PER 14 PIECES: 200 calories, 11 g fat (6 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 95 mg sodium, 24 g carbs (2 g fiber, 17 g sugar), 4 g protein

Munch on these for dessert, and you’ll ingest about half a day’s worth of saturated fat and sugar. Why not post-game your dinner with a tablespoon of real peanut butter? Not only will you save about 100 calories, but you’ll also nourish your body with more heart-healthy monounsaturated fats and save yourself from 17 grams of added sugars!

19

Caramel M&M’s

PER 40 G BAG: 190 calories, 7 g fat (5 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 60 mg sodium, 29 g carbs (0 g fiber, 26 g sugar), 2 g protein

Just when you thought M&Ms couldn’t get any richer, the confectioner decided to crank the sugar up a notch in the form of infusing the chocolate bites with a caramel center. If you’re craving the classic combo, go for a square of Alter Eco’s Dark Salted Burnt Caramel bar with 70 percent cocoa.

20

Hershey’s Gold Bar

PER 1.4 OZ BAR (39 G): 220 calories, 14 g fat (7 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 85 mg sodium, 22 g carbs (0 g fiber, 20 g sugar), 3 g protein

Hershey’s newest candy bar houses a boatload of calories coming from sugar and fat. Go for a square of 70% dark chocolate to get your sweet fix and a dose of disease-fighting antioxidants instead.

Frozen Cakes and Pies

21

Banquet Cherry Berry Pie

1 pie: 400 calories, 13 g fat (4.5 g saturated fat), 430 mg sodium, 65 g carbs (3 g fiber, 28 g sugar), 4 g protein

Cherries and berries are chock-full of antioxidants, but don’t rely on this pie to get your free-radical-fighting fix. With a staggering 400 calories per single serving, we’d steer clear of a spoon.

22

Sara Lee Banana Creme Pie

⅙ pie: 340 calories, 18 g fat (12 g saturated fat), 260 mg sodium, 43 g carbs (1 g fiber, 28 g sugar), 2 g protein

You’ll get seven teaspoons worth of sugar in this banana creme pie coming from five different sources of the sweet stuff. Yikes!

23

Banquet Apple Pie

1 pie: 360 calories, 10 g fat (3.5 g saturated fat), 490 mg sodium, 64 g carbs (2 g fiber, 25 g sugar), 3 g protein

Banquet’s apple pie comes in a single-serving package but should definitely be shared with a pal. No one needs 490 milligrams of blood-pressure-spiking sodium and 25 grams of sugar in one sitting!

24

Edwards Turtle Pie

⅛ pie: 380 calories, 21 g fat (13 g saturated fat), 310 mg sodium, 46 g carbs (1 g fiber, 30 g sugar), 4 g protein

This decadent cake found in the freezer section starts off with a chocolate cookie crumb crust and piles on rich caramel, chocolate, pecans, and whipped crème rosettes. These layers will cost you a full day’s worth of saturated fat and nearly eight teaspoons worth of sugar.

25

Marie Callender’s Dutch Apple Pie

1/9 pie: 330 calories, 14 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 170 mg sodium, 49 g carbs (2 g fiber, 29 g sugar), 2 g protein

Marie brags that her streusel-topped pie is made with 100 percent fresh Fuji apples baked in a made-from-scratch crust, but we’re not convinced you’d use hydrogenated soybean oil in your homemade pie.

26

Sara Lee Chocolate Creme Pie

⅕ pie: 440 calories, 27 g fat (19 g saturated fat), 320 mg sodium, 46 g carbs (3 g fiber, 32 g sugar), 3 g protein

Besides for the absurd calorie and sugar contents, we hate to see sugar as the first ingredient and hydrogenated palm oil—a source of inflammatory saturated fat—as the third ingredient in this chocolate creme pie recipe.

27

Toblerone Chocolate Cake

per serving: 444 calories, 26 g fat (11 g saturated fat), 280 mg sodium, 44 g carbs (N/A g fiber, 34 g sugar), 9.8 g protein

Your favorite pyramid-shaped chocolate turned into a layered cake? Sounds like something dreams are made of—however, one look at the nutritional panel deems otherwise. When the craving for Swiss chocolate hits, just indulge in one triangle of the original Toblerone for just 46 calories and about 5 grams of sugar. Not bad for a post-meal dessert, if you ask us.

28

Marie Callender’s Lattice Peach Pie

1/9 pie: 360 calories, 18 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 160 mg sodium, 48 g carbs (1 g fiber, 19 g sugar), 3 g protein

Another fruity pie that’s so not worth the caloric damage. Just because Marie Callender concocts her pie with Freestone peaches, doesn’t mean you should go ahead and indulge in a slice.

29

Edwards Georgia Style Pecan Pie

⅛ pie: 500 calories, 27 g fat (9 g saturated fat), 270 mg sodium, 60 g carbs (2 g fiber, 35 g sugar), 4 g protein

All of Edwards’ frozen dessert pies are caloric landmines, but this Georgia Style Pecan Pie takes the cake—er, pie—when it comes to the worst desserts on the planet. If you indulge in a slice every day for just one week, you could expect to tack a full pound onto your frame. Sorry Edwards, but we’re not falling for your southern charm.

30

Sara Lee Carrot Cake

⅙ cake: 340 calories, 17 g fat (4 g saturated fat), 300 mg sodium, 44 g carbs (1 g fiber, 31 g sugar), 4 g protein

Carrots are jam-packed with eye- and skin-benefitting vitamin A. However, this cake packs in just two percent of your daily value of the nutrient. Plus, sugar is the first ingredient. Hard pass.

31

Marie Callender’s Southern Pecan Pie

⅛ pie: 500 calories, 24 g fat (4.5 g saturated fat), 210 mg sodium, 67 g carbs (3 g fiber, 26 g sugar), 5 g protein

Another southern favorite, this pecan-studded dessert is brimming with calories, fat, and sugar. Although the serving size is a bit larger than the other Marie Callender’s desserts on this list (⅛ of a pie rather than 1/9), this crispy pecan pie still gets the red light because of its outrageous calorie count.

32

Edwards Key Lime Pie

⅛ pie: 450 calories, 22 g fat (17 g saturated fat), 310 mg sodium, 57 g carbs (1 g fiber, 44 g sugar), 6 g protein

A staggering 44 grams of sugar—the equivalent of over three heaping tablespoons of maple syrup—sneak into this key lime pie. If you want the tart, refreshing taste of key limes, go for Icelandic Provisions key lime skyr yogurt, which is thick, creamy, and way more satisfying with 15 grams of protein.

Cookies

33

Mega Stuf Oreos

per 2 cookies: 180 calories, 9 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 90 mg sodium, 25 g carbs (1 g fiber, 18 g sugar), 1 g protein

The standard Oreo serving size is three cookies—however, Nabisco rounded it down to two cookies for these Mega Stuf Oreos. They carry more vanilla creme than the Double Stuf Oreos, which means 5 more grams of sugar and 2 more grams of fat. Go for the Oreo Thins instead—four of them clock in at just 140 calories and 12 grams of sugar.

34

Nana’s Chocolate Chip With Walnuts Cookie

PER ½ COOKIE: 210 calories, 9 g fat (1 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 160 mg sodium, 29 g carbs (2 g fiber, 11 g sugar), 3 g protein

Note that Nana’s serving size is for just half a cookie—sneaky, huh? Even if you muster enough willpower to bite into half and save the rest for another day, Nana’s cookies don’t come in resealable packages, so you’re basically doomed to eat the entire thing. The whole cookie will cost you 420 calories and 22 grams of sugar worth of damage.

35

Oreo Fudge Cremes

per 3 cookies: 190 calories, 9 g fat (5 g saturated fat), 75 mg sodium, 25 g carbs (0 g fiber, 19 g sugar), 1 g protein

Your classic Oreo gets a decadent makeover with a thick layer of chocolate fudge. Skip this dessert after your meal to save nearly 200 calories and almost a full day’s worth of sugar.

36

Reese’s Crunchy Cookie Big Cup

PER 2.68 OZ PACKAGE (75 G): 380 calories, 21 g fat (8 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 270 mg sodium, 44 g carbs (3 g fiber, 38 g sugar), 8 g protein

This king-sized treat isn’t fit for royalty. It packs in just as much sugar as a 12-ounce can of Coca Cola!

37

Nabisco Chips Ahoy Original Chocolate Chip Cookies

PER 3 COOKIES: 160 calories, 8 g fat (2.5 g saturated fat, 0 g trans fat), 110 mg sodium, 22 g carbs (1 g fiber, 11 g sugar), 1 g protein

Instead of dunking these chocolate chip cookies into milk, make your own at home. Using a nutritious base such as almond flour and tossing in dark chocolate, concoct a dessert with benefits! You’ll save yourself from vegetable oil, high fructose corn syrup, and artificial flavor that’s found in Chips Ahoy’s recipe.

38

Mrs. Fields Semi Sweet Chocolate Chip Cookies

PER COOKIE: 140 calories, 7 g fat (3.5 g saturated, 0 g trans fat), 130 mg sodium, 20 g carbs (1 g fiber, 12 g sugar), 1 g protein

These extra-sweet chocolate chip cookies have more than twice the amount of saturated fat as a small order of McDonald’s fries and are littered with added sugars. Instead, go for Mrs. Thinster’s chocolate chip cookies. Five of these crunchy cookies pack in less sugar and calories than just one of Mrs. Fields’ treats!

39

Pillsbury Ready to Bake! Big Deluxe White Chunk Macadamia Nut Cookies

per cookie: 170 calories, 8 g fat (3.5 g saturated fat), 95 mg sodium, 22 g carbs (0 g fiber, 14 g sugar), 2 g protein

These white chocolate macadamia nut cookies are ready in minutes and are beyond easy to overeat. It’s highly unlikely you’ll stick to the single cookie serving size. Go one cookie overboard, and your dessert will clock in at 340 calories and 28 grams of sugar—yikes!

40

Pillsbury Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme Cookies

per cookie: 160 calories, 7 g fat (3.5 g saturated fat), 105 mg sodium, 23 g carbs (0 g fiber, 15 g sugar), 2 g protein

These cookies ‘n’ creme treats are riddled with sketchy ingredients such as inflammatory palm oil, saturated fat-filled hydrogenated oils, and artificial flavors. We’ll give this Pillsbury dessert a hard pass.

41

Betty Crocker Mug Treats Soft-Baked Chocolate Chip Cookie

1 pouch + mix: 400 calories, 10 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 370 mg sodium, 71 g carbs (1 g fiber, 50 g sugar), 5 g protein

A cookie that comes in a mug? This soft-baked spoonable dessert is chock-full of sugar—two days’ worth, to be exact.

Packaged Pastries

42

Hostess Chocolate Cupcakes

1 cupcake: 160 calories, 6 g fat (2.5 g saturated fat), 210 mg sodium, 26 g carbs (1 g fiber, 18 g sugar), 1 g protein

Anyone who has ever unwrapped a Hostess cupcake knows they can’t stick to just one. In fact, the chocolate treat with creamy filling usually comes in twos. Unwrap two, and you’ll ingest 320 calories and 36 grams of sugar.

43

Entenmann’s Rich Frosted Donuts

per donut: 300 calories, 20 g fat (13 g saturated fat), 190 mg sodium, 30 g carbs (1 g fiber, 17 g sugar), 2 g protein

These cake-style donuts are blanketed with chocolate frosting for the ultimate post-meal experience. Sure, they’re extra fudgy and rich—but all that flavor comes from the whopping 20 grams of fat and 17 grams of sugar.

44

Little Debbie Cosmic Brownies

per brownie: 280 calories, 11 g fat (5 g saturated fat), 150 mg sodium, 42 g carbs (1 g fiber, 24 g sugar), 2 g protein

These nostalgic, candy-studded brownies were the lunchbox staple of every 90s kid, but shouldn’t make it onto your grocery list any time soon. One Cosmic Brownie clocks in at 280 calories and nearly a full day’s worth of sugar.

45

Entenmann’s Rich Frosted Sprinkled Donuts

per donut: 310 calories, 18 g fat (12 g saturated fat), 170 mg sodium, 36 g carbs (2 g fiber, 24 g sugar), 3 g protein

Take Entenmann’s rich frosted donut and throw on some crunchy bits, and you’ll get this caloric concoction. The sprinkles endow this donut 10 more calories, 2 more grams of fat, and 7 more grams of sugar!

46

Little Debbie Cookies and Creme Cakes

per 2 cakes: 320 calories, 15 g fat (9 g saturated), 190 mg sodium, 43 g carbs (1 g fiber, 31 g sugar), 2 g protein

These chocolate mini cakes come smothered with vanilla icing and a middle layer of more creme, along with a dusting of cookie crumbles on top. The damage? You’ll get 7 more grams of sugar and double plus one more gram of saturated fat than what’s in a Snickers bar.

47

Entenmann’s Chocolate Chip Iced Cake

⅛ cake: 330 calories, 18 g fat (7 g saturated fat), 170 mg sodium, 40 g carbs (N/A g fiber, 31 g sugar), 2 g protein

This golden cake may seem innocent compared to some of the other treats on this list—after all, it’s got a sprinkling of chocolate chips and a light mocha icing to top it off. However, it packs in more calories per serving than any other cake in Entenmann’s line. Also, we bet you’re not sticking to the ⅛ cake serving size, so you’re better off skipping this dessert.

48

Pillsbury Grands! Cinnamon Rolls with Cream Cheese Icing

per roll with icing: 300 calories, 7 g fat (3 g saturated fat), 540 mg sodium, 54 g carbs (1 g fiber, 22 g sugar), 5 g protein

Whether you pop these warmly-spiced rolls into the oven for a comforting breakfast or a post-dinner treat, you’ll be doing your waistline a disservice. One roll drizzled with cream cheese icing packs in a quarter of a day’s worth of belly-bloating sodium in addition to the 22 grams of sugar. Plus, you’ll find partially hydrogenated oils, which is a sneaky source of trans fat, in this recipe.

49

Entenmann’s Cheese Topped Buns

per bun: 320 calories, 15 g fat (6 g saturated fat), 320 mg sodium, 40 g carbs (1 g fiber, 19 g sugar), 6 g protein

Sweet buns are already a sugar and fat landmine, but when you add creamy cheese filling, expect the fat content to skyrocket. Just one bun packs in 4.75 teaspoons of sugar and just about as much fat as a packet of hash browns from Burger King.

50

Betty Crocker Mug Treats Hot Fudge Brownie

per mug cake: 380 calories, 9 g fat (3.5 g saturated fat), 310 mg sodium, 72 g carbs (2 g fiber, 50 g sugar), 5 g protein

At first glance, Betty Crocker’s hot fudge mug treat seems like a portion-controlled option, but one glance at the nutrition panel says otherwise. It packs in a whopping 50 grams of sugar—that’s two days’ worth of the sweet stuff—and the carb equivalent of nearly five slices of white bread.

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