#already got folie a deux on hold for it

[anotherpapercut]

using my staff picks shelf for good. fall out boy and books about queers doing crimes

[soulsdontbreaktheybeeend]

Free and yet so trapped. Part 2

Summary: this takes place some time after the end of folie a deux. If you're wondering how that is possible... stay tuned and find out. :)

It's Arthur Fleck x y/n, or is it Joker x y/n? Hm. :)

Part 1 <-

words: 1,506

But you had. You had already turned the next corner. There was no trace of anyone. Nevertheless, this fact made him feel a little relieved. He had left his place of refuge simply out of curiosity, without thinking about who might see him there.

His heart began to beat faster. Alone in a hiding place, in safety, yes, that was all right. But alone on the streets of Gotham. That was a different matter. It took him back to a time when he was safe from nothing and no one. And the red suit and make-up made no differences in these moments of being on his own for the most parts.

With observant eyes and ears, he walked briskly down the street to the next corner.

Click clack click clack click clack.

______________

You had your arms wrapped around yourself again. But this time not to shield you from the cold autumn wind. You felt warm enough from all the commotion. It was to keep your anger at bay. To contain it.

You found yourself walking faster. You longed for your home and the peacefulness and comfort it gave you. Your lips tense, pressed together. Which made your labored breathing more restricted. Your chest and shoulders heaved up and down. Nostrils fluttered, overwhelmed with the effort.

Just as you were about to cross the road, a car rounded the corner, preventing you from carrying on. Annoyed, you stopped. Arms still crossed. The car was driving so strangely slowly. "Oh my god, the gas pedal is the one on the right!" Cried the unnerved voice in your head, your knees shaking in agitation.

Almost home, you fumbled in your handbag for your keys. You didn't reach them straight away, your patience at its limit. You hung the bag on your right elbow, reached for the handle with your left hand to open it and finally you found with your eyes what your hands couldn't find on their own. Joy and misfortune at the same moment. Keys in your grasp, you stepped into the puddle of that one bloody pothole in the ground that has been there for years. For the first time ever.

___________

Arthur had hid behind the corner, while your mishap was happening to you. He struggled. Tried to talk himself into walking over to you. But what would he even say. His body eager to start walking, his mind stopping him from doing so. He looked down on him, touching his red suit jacket. Touching his painted face. His fingers touched his cheek, he brushes his lips. Make-up transferred to the tips of his fingers.

No.

You’d probably start to scream for help.

He’s the Joker.

So everyone assumes.

And then he got company. Or rather, you did?

____________

With your keys in your hand, you exhaled in exasperation, let your head fall back in your neck and questioned the universe as to what this is all about today. Wishing upon a shooting star, to wish for a version of yourself which would be less highly sensitive. No chance of seeing any stars at all in night sky. Which you then again felt grateful for, otherwise you’d lose and important part of who you are.

“Okay wow, it can't really get any worse now. At least I made it home safely.”

You had just turned the key in the lock when you felt a touch of a hand on your shoulder.

Your left hand immediately shot up in defense, as you turned around. Before you could properly focus on his face in the heat of the moment, all you could catch a glimpse of was a beige trench coat. You remembered it from earlier. He had put the trench coat on right after he got out of the cab. “y/n, sorry. It’s me.”, the culprit apologized.

“What the fuck, Jonathan!” Your face alone could have easily told him that as well. “You could’ve just said something instead of cree-”

Hold on a second. He doesn’t know where I live.

“Did you follow me here?” Your head turned slightly, eyes switching from shock to anger and lack of understanding.

___________

Arthur still hid behind the corner, had gulped at the moment you had confronted Jonathan about following you. In the end he had done so, too.

____________

“Yes, it’s no big deal, come on.”

Um..

You couldn't even process his words before he continued, “you.. you know, you left quite the impression on me earlier.” Wearing a grin on his face that let you in wonder of where he would go with this.

“So feisty.” His grin widened, “I wish I knew sooner this part of you existed.”

Your face froze and disgust was written all over it. Still, your energy was completely spent for today and you didn't feel like facing any more crap.

With the non existing rest of your strength and a calm voice, you pointed out, “look…”, you took a deep breath, “I'm not going to play your game. No matter what you think would happen to the two of us now in your wishful thinking. It's not going to happen. I'm tired, I’m exhausted and I just want to go to bed. All I can do for you is not to overestimate this situation here and forget about it. For both our sakes, Jonathan. Good night.” You turned your back on him to finally go inside.

You felt his body against your back. One of his hands reached around your waist to your hand on the key to stop you. On that move, your forehead bumped slightly against the door.

“GET OFF ME!” You fought. He attempted to say something but then you heard a second male voice.

__________

Arthur was suspicious from the start and had the feeling that this wasn't going to end well. He was impressed by the calmness with which you tried to get the situation under control. But when that didn't work, he couldn't stand to just watch it any longer. He had to take action.

He’s the Joker after all. So everyone assumes.

__________

“Tsk tsk…”, Jonathans grip on you loosened slightly at the sound. “Now that is no way to treat a woman, is it, Johnathan?” He let go of you with a jolt. You on the other hand weren't ready to move yet, just turned your head a little. Just so little that you could see red out of the corner of your eye.

Jonathan laughed, “oh look who’s here! We were just talking about you earlier. About what a joke you are!”

In disbelief, you slowly turned around to face your… what? Savior?

The so-called joke grinned mischievously as he looked Jonathan straight in the eye. His stare slowly shifted from him to his own right waist, where his hand held a pistol from under his red suit jacket.

Just letting him see the gun was enough. He was already off and running. From a safer distance, he shouted back, "you're crazy! You fucking psycho!”

You just stood there. Arms crossed again, for yet another reason tonight. It was beginning to feel like this night would never come to an end.

He had tucked his pistol back in his pocket. You took a very quick glance at him and looked away again in a heartbeat towards the direction Jonathan had run off in. The situation felt extremely awkward. What the hell was going on that night and why the hell did you feel like your heart beat faster. Stronger. You covered it with your right hand. Afraid that your altered heartbeat might be visible to the naked eye.

You began to realize what just had happened. The events of the night replayed in your head. You couldn’t help but… giggle. One hand covered half your face out of bashfulness.

You finally found the courage to look at him, “you know, it’s funny. About half an hour ago, I was speaking up for you and now… now you…” You couldn’t help but giggle more, “now you kind of really saved me, from whatever could have happened.” You shook your head in disbelief. In disbelief of what had happened, but also a little bit of how smitten you were by him, just standing there. You searched for his eyes to really convey how grateful you were and thanked him.

He had his left hand placed casually in the pocket of his pants, before he raked it through his hair. What looked like self-confidence was actually more out of nervousness. He felt anxious. Torn between keeping on a mask or… not.

“I’m Arthur.” He held out his right hand to you with eager eyes to learn your name.

Your gaze immediately turned to his hand. After a brief moment of hesitation, you felt your palm meet his. It felt like half an eternity before you remembered that it was your turn to mention your name. Your gaze turned upwards from your connected hands to his face. Your eyes met and so did your souls.

____________

Part 3

[sapphicscholar]

Chapter Preview:

Ava wakes up disoriented, her head swimming and her thoughts jumbled. She rubs the back of her hand across her eyes and tries to find her way back, but everything feels just out of reach.

Coffee.

Coffee will fix things.

So she stumbles over to her suitcase and finds something to wear, then heads out to the elevator bank with her room key and phone stuffed into her pocket.

It’s not that crowded in the restaurant, but the press of bodies is suffocating, and Ava can only handle so much before she’s slinking back out to the elevators again.

She glances down at her watch. 9:17. The elevator seems to take an eternity to arrive, but not even a full minute has passed, and Ava shakes her head and takes a too-large gulp of her coffee.

The floors tick up and up and up until finally the doors ding open. She walks on auto-pilot down the hallway, startling only slightly as the door next to hers is flung open.

“There you are,” Deborah huffs, and Ava’s struck with the sense that she was meant to be doing something.

“I got coffee,” Ava says, holding up her to-go cup.

Deborah’s eyebrows arch. “Up early for a change?”

“Not that early.” Ava glances down at her watch. “It’s already 9:17.”

[floralcrematorium]

Fall Out Boy lyrics that make me want to write fics because I'm unhinged and always thinking about middle-aged gay men ᵇʸ ᶠᵃˡˡ ᵒᵘᵗ ᵇᵒʸ

Take This To Your Grave

• "And I can't forget your style or your cynicism" - Homesick at Space Camp

From Under The Cork Tree

• "Why don't you show me a little spine you've been saving for his mattress, love" Dance, Dance

• "Can I lie in your bed all day? I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake" - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

• "I found the cure to growing older and you're the only place that feels like home" - I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

• "I'm the first kid to write of hearts, lies, and friends and I am sorry my conscious called in sick again and I've got arrogance down to a science" - I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

• "So douse yourself in cheap perfume, it's so fitting, so fitting of the way you are" - I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me

• "I used to obsess over living, now I only obsess over you. Tell me you'd like boys like me better, in the dark lying on top of you" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

• "I'm casually obsessed and I've forgiven death. I am indifferent yet (I am a total wreck)" - The Music Or The Misery

• "I'm every cliché, but I simply do it best" - The Music Or The Misery

Infinity On High

• "I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light" - Hum Hallelujah

• "We're so miserable and stunning... Love songs for the genuinely cunning" - The Carpal Tunnel Of Love

• "Best friends, ex-friends to the end, better off as lovers, and not the other way around" - Bang The Doldrums

• "Do you remember the way I held your hand? Under the lamp post and ran" - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

Folie à Deux

• "Say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same" - I Don't Care

• "Does your husband know the way that the sunlight gleams from your wedding band?" - Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

• "I will never end up like him, behind my back I already am" - What A Catch Donnie

• "My head's in heaven, my soles are in hell. So let's meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well" - w.a.m.s.

Save Rock And Roll

• "I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?" - Alone Together

• "You and me are the difference between real love and the love on T.V." - Where Did The Party Go?

• "Anything you say can and will be held against you, so only say my name, it will be held against you" - Just One Yesterday

• "I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way" - Just One Yesterday

• "But even though my eyes closed, I still see you. I just hope that when you see me, I'm not see-through" - The Mighty Fall

• "I wanna see your animal side, let it all out. Oh there you go, undress to impress. You can wear the crown, but you're no princess" - Death Valley

• "Oh, c'mon, make it easy, say I never mattered" - Young Volcanoes

American Beauty/American Psycho

• "She's in a long black coat tonight, waiting for me in the downpour outside. She's singing, baby come home, in a melody of tears, while the rhythm of the rain keeps time" - Jet Pack Blues

• "You are my favorite 'what if,' you are my best 'I'll never know'" - Fourth of July

• "I wish I'd known how much you loved me, I wish I cared enough to know" - Fourth of July

• "The torture of small talk with someone you used to love" - Fourth Of July

MANIA

• "You are the sun and I am just the planets spinning around you" - The Last Of The Real Ones

• "I wonder if your therapist knows everything about me" - The Last Of The Real Ones

• "I got too high again, realized I can't not be with you or be just your friend" - HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T

• "There is nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you" - Wilson (Expensive Mistakes)

• "If you were church, I'd get on my knees" - Church

So Much (For) Stardust

• "You were the sunshine of my lifetime, what would you trade the pain for?" - Love From The Other Side

• "Part-time soulmate, full-time problem" - Hold Me Like A Grudge

• "I will never ask you for anything, except to dream sweet of me" - Heaven, Iowa

• "I like playing dumb, letting you figure me out" - I Am My Own Muse

• "I've got all this love I've got to keep to myself. All this effort to make it look effortless" - Flu Game

• "Self-sabotage at best, under your spell" - Baby Annihilation

• "I think I've been going through it and I've been putting your name to it" - So Much (For) Stardust

• "In another life, you were my babe. In another life, you were the sunshine of my life" - So Much (For) Stardust

• "I used to be a real go-getter, I used to think it'd all get better" - So Much (For) Stardust

[folieadeuxserver]

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Thank you so much to all our members and followers. We couldn't have done it without your support, and we can't wait to see what the next year holds for us! We've already got some amazing challenges and projects in the works 👀

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[tranquilitybasehotelcasino]

hi so i'm going to a fall out boy concert soon and i'm ashamed to say i've only listened to about half their discography. are there any particular albums or songs that i NEED to check out before i go, or are they one of those bands that will just play whatever the fuck songs at the concert and don't favor more popular stuff

HI SORRYYYY I ONLY JUST SAW THIS. i don't know which half of their discography you've listened to but their setlists for this tour seem to be comprised of a lot of the hits + some lesser knowns and the occasional true deep cut, so even if you've only heard the stuff that got radio play you should be fine. i wouldn't worry too much about, like, people thinking you're lame or a poser or whatever for not knowing all the words to every song

"da hits" you'd probably need to know would most likely be chicago is so two years ago + saturday + calm before the storm (take this to your grave), dance, dance + sugar, we're goin' down + a little less sixteen candles, a little more "touch me" (from under the cork tree), this ain't a scene, it's an arms race + thnks fr th mmrs + the take over, the breaks over (infinity on high), disloyal order of water buffaloes + headfirst slide into cooperstown on a bad bet + i don't care (folie a deux), the phoenix + my songs know what you did in the dark + save rock and roll (save rock and roll), centuries + uma thurman + irresistible (american beauty/american psycho), the last of the real ones + young and menace (mania), and love from the other side + hold me like a grudge (so much for stardust)

in terms of what i think you NEED to check out, that's really subjective! my very favorite fall out boy album is folie a deux, which didn't do too amazingly upon release but has been getting a bit of a renaissance, so if you want to get more into the band even outside of your concert experience i'm gonna have to gas it. their newest album that they're on tour to promote (so much for stardust) is really, really good, and the band has been pulling a lot of deep cuts from infinity on high recently (g.i.n.a.s.f.s., the afterlife of the party, golden, bang the doldrums, etc) as well. i think not knowing exactly what they're going to play on any given night is part of the fun; some of the stuff they've played on this tour so far already is stuff that's never been played live at all before, so honestly anything could happen

really i don't think there's any thing you "have" to listen to. jam to what you know, give what you don't a chance, and just enjoy the show! i hope you have fun!

[satansapostle6]

folie à deux

Sometimes poison is sweet.

Selina Romanov and Draco Malfoy met when they were only eleven years old. The two of them have always shared an intense bond, always having gravitated towards one another. But the question still remains, as the years pass by, is their connection one of passion, or delusion?

Warnings: Contains Mature Themes/Language, Themes Such As Sexual Content, Violence, Abuse, Sexual Assault, Eating Disorders

Seventeen.

  "Jasper. You are a meter ninety."

  "I don't care, I'm tired," he complained.

Selina rolled her eyes, relenting as she allowed Draco to hold her cat while she allowed Jasper to lay his head on her lap, with his long legs taking up half the wall beside him in their train compartment. 

  "There. Are you happy?" she questioned.

  "Very much so," he quipped, smiling ear to ear as he closed his eyes and dozed off.

  "Can you two please stop with the nauseating lovers' quarrel?" Draco requested impatiently, as if it were something obscene. 

  "Oh, come on, they're adorable," Pansy Parkinson remarked as she sat beside Draco, arm linked with his. 

  "Not when you have to sit across from them for eight hours," he rolled his eyes.

  "Fuck," Selina muttered, looking down at Jasper, who was already half asleep on her lap. "I have to piss."

  "And I need to know that why?" Draco asked.

  Pansy just rolled her eyes at him. "Ignore him, he's still grumpy from this morning."

  "Am not!" he argued out of embarrassment.

  "Are too."

  "I really need to get up," Selina murmured, a full fledged dilemma on her mind.

  "I'll go with you," Pansy offered, "I need to use the loo too."

  "See, Sel?" Draco spoke up. "That's how a lady announces her departure to the restroom."

  "Announce this," Selina said crossly, her middle finger inches from his face. "Come on," she turned to Pansy as the two got up.

Selina quickly stuffed her jacket underneath Jasper's head before going to the bathroom, so that he hardly noticed her moving. She and Pansy headed to the restroom together, not saying much as they went. Selina didn't mind being around Pansy, especially when they didn't have to talk.

She was a big fan of any interaction that didn't inherently require speaking. Just as Pansy and Selina were leaving the bathroom on the train, they nearly bumped into Fred Weasley, who had also just been in the bathroom.

  "Watch it, Weasel!" Pansy exclaimed, earning a mere eyebrow raise from Fred.

  "Selina," he said warningly. "Care to rein her in?"

  "Excuse her, she doesn't get better the more you get to know her," Selina assured him. "How are you, Fred? I saw you at the Cup..."

  "Yeah... It was a pretty rough night. Everyone's fine, though, so no worries there," he shrugged nonchalantly. "Everyone you went with alright?"

  "Yeah, everyone was fine," she nodded. "Relatively speaking, of course."

  "Say. You, er... Ever try one of these?" he asked her, pulling a tiny bag from his pocket.

Inside were three little red berries, which could've been easily mistaken for strawberries if they weren't a tenth of the size. 

  "What is that?" Selina questioned.

  "Don't know, exactly. Got them off Lee," Fred explained rather laconically. "Don't know what they actually are, but supposedly they're called 'haze berries'."

  "Why are they called 'haze berries'?" she wondered.

  "Dunno. Never tried them before," he admitted. 

  "Well, you're not selling them very well," Pansy muttered.

  Selina turned to her with angry, widened eyes. "Parkinson. Shut up."

  "Why?" the girl asked defensively.

  Selina frowned. "Do you want free drugs, or not?"

  Pansy seemed overtaken by opportunity. "Well, if you put it that way..."

  "I'll tell you what, Parkinson," Fred grinned, mischievous as ever, "Since you're with my girl Romanov here, you two can pop by our compartment. Me, George, and Lee are having our own little party on our own."

  "Are you game, Pansy?" Selina turned to her friend. 

  She thought for a moment, conflicted. "What about the boys?" she questioned.

  "They'll survive," Selina assured her, making Fred smile at their shared mischievousness. 

  "Can we stop by our compartment first?" Pansy pleaded. 

  "Go ahead," Fred agreed.

  "Perfect," she nodded, as they all went together.

Fred and Selina followed Pansy back to where Draco and Jasper were sitting, now joined by Blaise, who'd gotten sick of Crabbe, Goyle, and Theo. 

  "Draco," Pansy said, poking her head into the compartment. "Me and Selina will be back later."

  "Where are you going?" Draco frowned, displeased by the lack of company. 

  "We're getting high with the Weasleys," she whispered back. 

  This answer only provided Draco with more questions. "You're what with who?"

  Fred leaned into Selina, speaking under his breath so that only she could hear. "You're not letting him come with, are you?"

  "Absolutely not," she muttered.

Fred nodded appreciatively. 

  "We'll be back later!" Pansy declared in frustration, shutting the door as she and Selina followed Fred to where the twins were sitting with Lee Jordan. 

Fred opened the compartment door, allowing the girls in first. 

  "Look who I brought," he said eagerly.

George spotted Pansy, and seemed very skeptical of the whole thing. Lee, however, was more preoccupied with Selina's presence.

  "Blimey! Selina Romanov, in the flesh."

  "Selina Romanov in the flesh," Selina echoed, sitting down on the other side of those two by the window. 

  "There's no room," Pansy pouted, realizing Fred would also be sitting with them. 

  "There's plenty of room," Selina told her, already embarrassed at how high maintenance her friend was being.

  "Can I just sit on your lap?" Pansy complained, not seeming to want to sit beside Fred, or any Weasley, for that matter.

  Selina sighed internally, knowing that it was the only way to ensure that Pansy wouldn't be a problem. "Fine, go ahead."

The girl sighed dramatically with relief as she gently plopped down on Selina's lap. She was very petite, and did not take up much space or weigh much to Selina at all. 

  "This just got a whole lot more interesting," George murmured to Lee, who just nodded with a goofy smile on his face.

  "As you can see," Fred gestured grandly to his brother and friend, "Those two already took theirs. You girls care to partake?" he offered politely.

There were exactly three berries, which seemed only fitting. 

  "I'll have one," Selina volunteered, taking one out of the baggie.

  "But, what if you hate it?" Pansy asked, as Lee and George exchanged amused glances.

  "It's free," Selina reasoned, "I won't."

  "You don't have to do it if you don't want to," Fred clarified sympathetically. "Having one sober person wouldn't be terrible. Not that these cause a particularly intense reaction."

  "Well," Pansy Parkinson looked over at the other two boys, "They seem fine. What the hell?" she shrugged, accepting a berry. 

  "So what, do we just eat them?" Selina asked.

  "Yeah. They taste like candy," Lee told them. 

  "Alright. Down the rabbit hole," Selina decided, popping the berry into her mouth as she chewed. 

The others quickly followed suit.

  "Oh. It's like a gummy," she realized. 

  "Exactly like a gummy," George Weasley agreed.

  "I don't feel anything," Pansy remarked thoughtfully, 

  "Is it immediate?" Selina asked Lee and George.

  Lee nodded. "Yeah. It's not a very intense high, though. You just kinda feel... silly," he provided, chuckling for no particular reason just as he finished his sentence. 

  "Ha-ha," Pansy chuckled slowly, a grin slowly spreading across her face, "I do feel a bit silly."

  "So do I," Fred chimed in, "Like... Like a floating feeling. It's not unbearable or anything, though."

  "Huh. I don't really feel silly," Selina thought, feeling somewhat disappointed. "I just feel, like... Like I'm just really relaxed. Like nothing could possibly bother me."

  "You have the most soothing voice in the world," George blurted out, completely lost for a moment. 

  "It's true though," Selina laughed, "It's euphoric, but in a more calm way."

  "Yeah!" Lee exclaimed, shocked by how much he empathized. "My mum could die, and I'd be alright!"

George consequently burst out laughing, nearly cramping his stomach as he folded over. 

  "Your mum is dead," Fred reminded him, almost laughing himself as he realized he didn't mean to say that out loud.

  "Shit. That's right. Well. Good thing I'm high, then," Lee Jordan shrugged it off as Pansy and Selina both laughed.

  "Does anyone else's head feel funny?" Pansy asked the room. "Like it's going to float away?"

  "Yes," George promised, finding it odd to agree with Pansy Parkinson. 

  "Do you think they call them 'haze berries' because they have you in a haze?" Selina queried, as everyone else seemed blown away by the suggestion.

  "Woah! You're a bloody genius!" Lee exclaimed.

  "See? What did I tell you?" Fred remarked. "If you wanna be fucked up with anyone, it's Romanov."

The five of them all talked and laughed together, getting along just fine despite the various prejudices in the room. A few hours had even passed before Pansy realized that she wanted to head back to the compartment with Draco. Selina was left with Lee and the twins, enjoying their pleasant trip. 

After a little over three hours passed, Jasper decided to look for Selina, having been told earlier by Draco where she was. 

  "Hey," Jasper smiled, opening the compartment door.

  "Hey, Carroll, come join us," Fred invited him, standing up so that he could sit.

  "Hey," Selina smiled.

She stood up, allowing him to sit down in her seat so that she could sit in his lap to save space. Both of them were tall, which made it less awkward for Jasper. 

  "We took haze berries," she explained, her hand resting lightly on his chest as she spoke. 

  He looked down at her, smiling as he observed the blissful expression on her face. "Yeah, I can see that."

  "You want one?" Lee asked him. "I might have another."

  "No, that's alright," Jasper promised him, waving a hand out in front of him, "I don't usually partake."

  "He's a bit vanilla," Fred told the others teasingly. "A few drinks in him, and all he's going to do is go off to bed."

  "That's right," Jasper Carroll nodded proudly.

  "Not Selina, though!" George grinned. "She can knock them back all night!"

  "You must have a liver of steel," Lee stated.

  "Eh. It runs in the family," Selina shrugged.

  "'It' meaning alcoholism?" Jasper teased.

  "Yes, exactly," she nodded, not missing a beat. 

Jasper and Selina stayed with those three until they arrived at Hogwarts, only returning to their friends to fetch their things. Both of them stepped off of the train in their Slytherin robes, heading off towards the castle with Draco, Pansy, and Blaise. 

The annual Welcoming Feast that year was certainly a special one, with Professor Dumbledore announcing that the Triwizard Tournament would be hosted at Hogwarts this year, with both the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students visiting for the rest of the school year, both schools making a uniquely dramatic entrance of their own, along with Alastor Moody, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and infamously cantankerous former Auror. 

It was also announced that only seventeen year-old students could submit their names into the magical Goblet of Fire to be drawn on Halloween night, which no one was particularly happy about. Due to the Tournament taking place, Quidditch was also canceled for that school year, which Selina was admittedly somewhat relieved about, considering that almost half the team hated her. 

It had been a rather eventful night, and by the end of it, Selina was exhausted, having still been affected by the haze berries she'd taken with the Weasleys. She and Jasper walked alongside Draco and Pansy on the way down to the dungeons. While Selina and Jasper were very much looking forward to silence and bed, Pansy and Draco both could not stop talking.

Draco seemed to be fairly obsessed with the idea of Viktor Krum, the Bulgarians' famous Seeker, being present on Hogwarts grounds. Pansy also seemed fairly interested in this concept, albeit for different reasons. Jasper and Selina both continued to endure them, eager to be able to sleep, until a stranger appeared in front of them, startling Jasper. 

  "Hello," one of the Durmstrang boys said, greeting Selina in a noticeable Polish accent.

  "Hello," she replied, not wanting to be rude, but also not sure why he was talking to her. 

Pansy began whispering to Draco, as the two of them could barely contain their smirks as they watched the situation unfold. 

  "Allow me to introduce myself," the brown-haired boy said as he extended a hand. "Henryk Checinski."

  "Selina Romanov," Selina said, instinctively giving her own full name in response.

She lightly placed her hand in his, not expecting him to raise it to his mouth and press a soft kiss to it. Jasper was now unsure of whether he should be amused or livid. 

  "Romanova?" he realized. "You come from a legendary family."

  "Not particularly anymore," she shrugged in a humble manner, unsure of how to continue the conversation.

  "Forgive me," Henryk said politely, staring at her, "You really are exquisite. Divine, even. Worth not only diamonds and gold, but wars, and blood."

  "Care to back that up?" Jasper asked, stepping towards him as Selina quickly barred him from approaching the strange boy.

  "My boyfriend is inclined to agree with you," Selina said coolly, offering a polite smile.

  "I see," Henryk Checinski stopped to reevaluate the situation, "Your heart has already been won?"

  "It has," Jasper assured him, "By me."

  "Hmmph," the Durmstrang student huffed, "Your height compensates for your crudeness."

  "I'm sorry, is this supposed to win me over?" Selina questioned.

  "No," Henryk replied, "But I will vie for your affections as necessary."

  "I'd rather you didn't," she said finally. 

  "Is there no way in which a goddess such as yourself would provide me the paradise of your company?" he persisted.

  "Sorry, no paradise here," she shrugged. "But if it's a happy ending you're looking for, Parkinson can probably help you."

  "Bugger off!" Pansy exclaimed.

  "Very well. If you find yourself having a change of heart... You know where to find me," he concluded, nodding to her as he walked away. 

Jasper eyed him spitefully.

  "I'm taller than him, right?"

  "Oh, definitely," Pansy nodded. 

*****

  "There. Now shall we continue with our lesson?" Professor Snape said dryly.

Selina shook herself off in confusion, looking around the Potions room as she tried to figure out how long it had been. But strangely, she couldn't even remember the last thing she remembered.

  "What?" she said stupidly. 

  "I gave you an antidote for what I'm assuming those cursed twins sold you," Severus Snape replied impatiently. "I'll admit, you were a very convincing sober act. I almost didn't realize the state you were in, that is, until you forgot the word for 'punching' and told Miss Parkinson to instead 'fist' Mr. Malfoy."

  "What... What day is it?" she demanded, although hardly grasping the concept of time. 

It took her a moment, but she eventually found her place in the chronology of time. The last thing she could clearly recall was the night they'd arrived at Hogwarts, 

  Snape barely humored her. "It's Monday."

  "So we arrived earlier?" she deduced.

  "It's Monday, September eighth," he corrected her.

  Selina was flabbergasted, looking up at Snape in disbelief from where she sat. "But, we arrived here on the first."

  "As I said before, your sober act was very convincing," Snape repeated. "I only just noticed earlier today."

  "I lost a whole week's worth of memory? How is that possible?" Selina asked him.

  "The plants you most likely know as 'haze berries', when ingested, can occasionally cause one to temporarily stop processing information and making memories for anywhere from minutes to

months. Now, can we move on?"

  "You're not punishing me?" she inquired skeptically.

  "Romanov, to put it simply, your existence is punishment enough as of late," he said impatiently, "Now may we please proceed, or do you insist upon wasting both of our time with foolish questions?"

  "Alright," she sighed, setting her various concerns aside, "What are we working on? Legilimency?"

  "Yes. But this time, I would like you to perform the spell both nonverbally, as well as wandlessly. This will significantly ease us into the next chapter of your instruction."

  "Wait, you want me to do the spell nonverbally and wandlessly?" Selina questioned. "That's extremely advanced."

  "Your point being?" Snape questioned. "I thought you came her to push yourself. If you insist upon striving for mediocrity and subsisting at a rudimentary level, I suggest that you find yourself a different instructor."

  "I mean, I'm willing to learn," Selina insisted, "I'm just saying, is it possible?"

  "If it wasn't, would I be teaching it?" Severus Snape pointed out.

  "Can you perform this spell wandlessly?" she asked him.

  "No," he responded coolly.

  "Then why teach it to me?" she asked. "I mean, if you can't do it yourself..."

  "Isn't it obvious?" he demanded, leaning in. "You can push yourself beyond the limits of even my capabilities. You need to think even more ambitiously."

  "Why do you have so much confidence in me?" Selina broke down. "I mean. You don't teach this way with any other student—"

  "Because no other student has shown me the promise you have. Don't misunderstand, I've had plenty of talented students, and plenty of successful ones, but none with capabilities that extended beyond their proclivities," he stressed. "Even the subjects you hate, you seem to excel at. You possess more genuine talent than this entire school combined, most professors included!"

  "You can't honestly believe that," she scoffed.

  "I do, Miss Romanov, although I also believe that you'd be twice as successful as you are now were it not for your crippling alcoholism!"

  Selina stopped, completely thrown off by Snape using those words. "I... I'm not—"

She had no idea at all what to say to that.

  "You forget, I've quite literally explored the very recesses of your mind, on numerous occasions," he stated. "Not to mention, you currently have an entire week that can't be accounted for."

Selina had nothing to say to him, highly uncomfortable with the conversation that they were having. 

  "Although you are arguably far more talented than I am, I do know exactly where your self-destructive habits come from. I can relate to a fair few of them myself," he said, sounding more impassioned than devastated. "You need to concentrate, and more importantly, find a way to live with yourself."

  "Why do you care what I do?" she studied him cynically.

  "I don't care what you do," Snape assured her, his view of her more pragmatic than sentimental in nature, "But the fact of the matter is, you're far more useful to the world trying than not. The world as a collective does not care about your wellbeing, Romanov, which I'm sure you've realized by this point in your life. 

"Throwing away one's own existence should be regarded as completely ethical, because of bodily autonomy. Therefore, the only reason it is considered wrong for you to ruin your own life is because it affects other people."

Selina listened carefully, not saying anything as he presented a perfect metaphor.

  "After all, they refer to suicide as something that is committed, like a crime, because it is considered a crime. Suicide ultimately falls under the respective category of 'destruction of government property'," he relayed. "By taking your own life, you would be depriving your loved ones of affection and validation, and your government of the fruits of your labor."

  "I think so too," she agreed after a moment, a sense of bitterness overtaking her as she spoke to the professor. "Sometimes, I think I should be more enthusiastic about life. Not because of other people, because they're unreliable, but because I do have things about myself that are worth it."

  "So, you should understand," he went on, "That even if I do not care about you as a person, the sobering and, ultimately, more important fact remains that regardless of the feelings of others, you should want to treat your existence with some dignity simply because it really is more respectable. Stop making a mess of your life, and be productive instead."

  "But... I..." she struggled to find the words she was looking for. "There's just a lot of pain there. I don't know if I have it in me to accomplish something so extreme right now."

  "That is all you need, Romanov," Severus Snape told her. "Pain. It's nothing more than a commodity, especially in magic."

  "But most spells that really require emotional pain to cast are considered Dark magic," Selina rationalized.

  "Some, yes," he agreed. "But oftentimes, you'll find that magic is a celestial and amoral force, able to be utilized just as often as it is weaponized. Although school and Ministry policies tend to recognize magic as a more two-dimensional dichotomy, many in history have believed that balance can only be attained by equally respecting all forms of magic as knowledge all else."

  "So, what do I do to perform Legilimency without my wand?" Selina asked readily, pocketing her long black wand.

  "Separate yourself from your wand entirely; it is merely a piece of wood, an instrument invented by western practitioners. You do not need it to perform magic; it's merely a conduit," he spoke slowly as she centered herself, finding a sense of calmness as well as confidence. "Focus on transmitting a signal from yourself straight to your target, without having to go through your wand. It takes practice, but once you feel it for yourself, the possibilities will open up."

  "Okay," she breathed, taking a long, deep breath as she focused her energy inward and outward.

  "Remember. You yourself are invading my mind," he said sternly. "You yourself possess the power to do so, and much more, within you; everything you do, you do on your own."

Selina awoke herself as best as she could, allowing the magic to course through her like electricity. She opened her eyes in one, forceful movement as she narrowed her eyes, focusing visually and mentally on Snape as she used her own mind to pull from his. 

She eventually could feel the magic leaving her body, but she had yet to fully project it outward. She could feel the static energy within her, anxious to be utilized. She inhaled forcefully as she persisted, refusing to stop.

A feeling of relief soothed the heat that had collected in her body. The energy was relaxed, and she could feel things slowly coming to her as it flowed more freely than she had every felt. The number two hundred eighty-one flashed through her mind, as she also saw Snape brewing the potion he'd served to her before. 

Selina was startled by how much she saw. she had not only successfully entered Snape's mind, but she had seen more than he had been allowing her to; she was already capable of completely breaking down his defenses. 

  "There! Now that is acceptable work," Snape announced, allowing her to stop.

Selina nodded, contemplating her abilities as she stood before him with her arms crossed, trying to find a way to replicate that success. 

*****

After her lessons, Selina wandered up toward the Great Hall, where her friends were all waiting for her as they prepared to eat their dinner. Fully aware that she probably had accrued a decent amount of odd behavior to make up for in the past week, she quietly sank down into the empty seat beside Jasper at the table, not saying a word to anyone.

Her discreet approached proved ineffective.

  "Sel," Amana said to her best friend beside her. "You look sober."

  Selina looked at her, uncertain as to how she should answer the question. "Yeah," she murmured, "I'm fine."

Amana didn't seem convinced by this, having been fully aware of Selina's muddled state in the past week. No one who spent enough time with Selina had been unaware of the strange way she'd been acting, apart from perhaps Crabbe and Goyle, of course. 

But the most worried out of the bunch was Jasper Carroll, who was immensely relieved to see the light in her eyes again, especially after the way he'd seen her practically walking around half asleep at the Welcoming Party the Slytherins had held over the weekend.

  "There you are," his eyes lit up again as he gently rubbed her back. "You feeling alright?" he asked her softly.

  "Yeah, I'm fine, Jas," Selina replied, quietly putting a small amount of chicken salad onto her plate.

  "You should eat something," he told her, just as she felt all the sounds surrounding her grow quieter as her ears began to ring a bit. 

Selina was beginning to feel drained and clammy,  no longer able to focus on anything but how much her head was beginning to ache. Truthfully, Jasper's voice was beginning to sound grating in her head.

  "That's what I'm doing," she said quietly, slowly saying her food as she tried to shut out the pain.

  "Sel," Draco's voice cut into her thoughts as she looked up, physically feeling the heavy bags underneath her eyes.

  "What?" she asked, barely conscious of everything that was going on.

  "You good?" he asked expectantly, needing her answer before he could relax.

  "Yeah, I'm fine," she insisted.

  "Are you sure?" Pansy chimed in. "You're looking a bit pale."

  "I'm alright, thanks," Selina nodded. 

Jasper was concerned for her, not having seen her eat very much in the past week. He tried to find a constructive way to encourage her, not sure of what more he could possibly do. 

  "You're not more hungry?" he asked worriedly.

  Selina frowned, feeling herself begin to tremble. "If I was, I'd be eating more," she pointed out, trying to sound calm.

  "Yeah, I know, I just want to make sure you eat enough," Jasper nodded, his hand still slightly supporting her.

  "I'm eating enough," she promised, drinking from her goblet as she tried to ignore how overwhelmed she was by everything at the moment.

Everything sounded so much louder and harsher as she tried to adjust to the ambient noise around her. But instead of sounding distant or comforting, every single sound in the entire room was grating to her. She resisted the urge to cover her ears tightly with her hands and scream perpetually just to drown it all out.

She felt as if she were having a migraine, and everything was beginning to go dark. Her vision was momentarily spotty as she tried to navigate her surroundings, despite being seated at the table. 

  "Do you want some more juice?" Jasper asked her, looking down at her cup.

Selina could no longer control her own shaking, all of the sounds amplified tenfold in her ears. 

  "Bloody fucking hell, I'm fine!" Selina shouted, unable to bear it any longer. 

Half of the Slytherin table glanced over at her dubiously. She was the only one standing up at the table, her hands shaking as her eyes stung. Jasper and Amana were both upset by the sudden outburst. Draco fearfully looked around the table, desperate to make eye contact with anyone else. Pansy, Blaise, and Daphne all remained silent, not knowing how to respond. All of them watched Selina to try and determine her state, which didn't seem to be a good one.

Selina's hands shook aggressively as she jabbed her temples with her fingers, determined to force out the headache. But it didn't seem to lessen.

Mortified by her own behavior, she quickly darted out of the Great Hall, hiding from everyone. Snape joined her shortly in the corridor, his billowing black cloak swishing behind him as he approached her.

  "What?!" Selina demanded impatiently, her face buried in her hands as she tried to soothe the pain. "Come to yell at me again?"

  "You need to go to bed," was all he had to say, "Now."

  "You don't have to tell me twice," she muttered, storming off in the opposite direction.

She could've sworn that the only reason she hadn't lost an absurd amount of points to Snape throughout her time at Hogwarts was because she was a member of his House. 

As she slumped against the wall for a moment, trying to force the pain out of her skull, she found that Fred Weasley had decided to join her out in the hall. She grimaced up at him in pain, not particularly in the mood for laughter at this point. 

  "What?" she asked expectantly.

  "Just came to see that you were alright," he stated, "But I won't bother you," he threw up his hands in surrender.

Selina looked at him, trying not to feel the same anger that had been coaxed out of her by the excruciating pain that overcame her when she was around everyone. 

  "Fine," she said indifferently, not concerned with his existence at the moment.

  "You froze, didn't you?" Fred asked sympathetically.

  "What?" she questioned impatiently, stopping to look at him.

  "That's what they call it," he explained. "You don't remember anything in this past week, do you?" he asked her.

  She shook her head. "No."

  "That can happen, to some people."

  "This would've been great to know about a week ago," Selina retorted, not entirely appreciating his easygoing nonchalance. 

  "It's alright. It doesn't affect your behavior too much when you freeze; it just makes things... automatic, you know?" he offered. "But I'm really sorry, though, Selina, about that... Lee brought them, and I didn't know—"

  "It's fine," she stopped him, holding out her hand for him to stop. 

Her demeanor toward him gradually softened, the more she was willing to recognize that he would have warned her had he known. She also had to admit that, although the recovery from the potion Snape had fed to her was rather painful, the high itself that she experienced was pleasant and convenient, in a way that the complexities of sobriety weren't.  

  "Here, I'll walk you down to the dungeons if you like," he offered, thinking it was what Jasper would've wanted him to do for her.

  "That's fine," she nodded, going along with it.

  "So," he said, seeming to have a specific topic in mind, "Everything alright with you and Jasper?" he asked her.

  Selina paused for a moment before she spoke, not having anything particularly pleasant to say. "I don't know if it's because of the crash I'm experiencing, but he pissed me off."

  "It probably is," Fred offered, "At least partly."

She didn't respond, walking alongside him as she focused on nothing but sleep. 

  "Let me guess," Fred continued, taking a deep breath as he thought, "You feel like he's smothering you? Like he doesn't believe you when you say you're okay?"

Selina met his eyes with curiosity, as if surprised by his insight. 

  "Yeah," she agreed, "Exactly that."

  "Look. Jasper's a good bloke," Fred offered, looking ahead as he tried to think.

  "I never thought he wasn't," Selina remarked simply.

  "That's not my point, Romanov, will you just listen?" he teased, trying to frame his thought with the best combination of words possible. "Jasper's a good guy. He just... doesn't seem to know what to do when people are having a hard time. Even if they don't seem to be bothered by it."

She thought about what he said, more emotionally available than she'd been throughout  the entire conversation so far.

  "He knows you're having a hard time, and it doesn't seem to be getting better, so he keeps you as close as he can because he's afraid he'll lose you one way or another."

Selina couldn't help but be intrigued by Fred's understanding of Jasper's intentions.

  "Yeah... I know," she responded. "But, I just don't understand, what could possibly make someone act so... erratically."

  Fred sighed, his own observation taking a toll on him. "You're very much the kind of girl a bloke does anything to keep," he enlightened her.

Although this wasn't a particularly profound revelation, it was the specific combination of words that he chose that made it interesting to think about.

  "You know. When I was younger... my grandmother used to say that loving me was a bullet she dodged," Selina remembered.

  "That's fucked up," Fred said bluntly, without hesitation. 

  "It is," she agreed. "That's why I didn't even bat an eye when she killed herself."

Fred stopped for a moment, feeling his heart sink for her as he realized just how much she'd been through. Seeing the empathy in his eyes, Selina instantly regretted sharing any detail of her life.

  "I'm sorry..." she said slowly, "I forgot that that wasn't common knowledge."

  "No, don't be sorry," Fred said quickly, not offended by it in any way, "When was that?"

  "The day summer started," Selina replied, watching as he filled with sadness for her.

  "Oh. I'm sorry," he gave her a saddened smile.

  "Don't be. It was probably more a good thing than a bad thing," she offered. "I live with my uncle now."

  "That's good, then," he said optimistically. "At least you have family."

  "Yeah," she thought. "You know. No matter how insane she was, sometimes, I think my grandmother might've been right."

  "Why?" he demanded, unwilling to even hear her out.

  "I don't know. It seems like everyone who cares about me just ends up miserable," she expressed with disgust.

  "How so?" he asked curiously.

Fred genuinely didn't see how someone as intelligent and strong-willed as Selina Romanov could believe something so inherently sad in nature. 

  "I'm a mess, and not one that's getting cleaned up anytime soon," Selina sighed, "I'm surrounded by death, and the only people around me who aren't dead are severely mentally ill!" she exclaimed almost comically.

Fred listened intently, but didn't say anything as he didn't quite know what he could possibly say to make the situation any better.

  "When I was six, I saw my father murder my mother, and then, Flint happened, and then I saw my grandmother kill herself, and try to take me with her. I can't even answer a simple question like 'what's wrong' without someone genuinely reconsidering their entire life!" she laughed painfully. "No one I've ever met, let alone anyone our age, knows how to even respond to that."

  "I... I can see how awful that must be," Fred said after a moment, not wanting to upset her further. "You, er... You said your grandmother tried to hurt you?" he asked hesitantly, not understanding. 

  "Yeah," Selina nodded, much less bothered by telling the story than he thought she'd be. "We got into an argument... Because I didn't want to live with her anymore. So, she decided if I didn't want to live with her anymore, then neither of us needed to live. She started conjuring Fiendfyre, and I... I had to shield myself," she finished. 

Fred was horrified by what she'd told him, not offended by the details of the story, but more appalled by the fact that this was something that had actually happened to someone. 

  "That's a terrible thing to do," he said, immediately feeling stupid for not having anything better to say.

Suddenly, Fred Weasley, the infamous class clown, was disgusted even by the idea of trying to crack a joke. 

  "Yeah," Selina agreed almost indifferently, not seeming to need a particular response from him. 

  "Well, I'm... I'm glad you're alright," he told her. "I know we were never very close friends, or anything, but, it's just good to hear that you're at least alright."

  "Yeah, thank you," Selina nodded, appreciating the sentiment. "That's kind of you."

Fred nodded, realizing that this girl had, on multiple occasions, encountered true evil that most people at their age could hardly imagine. 

  "You know, last year, when I heard about everything that Flint had done, I felt awful. For you, and all of those girls," he said quietly. "Some of them were so young..."

  "Yeah. Even younger than I was," she expressed.

  "You know, even before last year, everyone knew that Flint was an evil piece of human garbage, but no one who actually saw anything ever said anything," he remarked, "They just let it happen."

  "That's always how it goes," Selina told him. "Especially with the Marcus Flints of the world; the people who do fucked up things just because they know they can get away with it."

Fred nodded in agreement. 

  "You know, everyone else seems to think that all Slytherins are like him," Selina thought. "I mean. You saw when the Sorting Hat told Harry Potter to choose between Gryffindor and Slytherin."

Fred's brow furrowed. He agreed that Slytherins were all unfairly misjudged as a collective group, but he didn't quite understand the significance of the event she was referencing, having remembered it fondly as the day his friend, Harry Potter, became a Gryffindor. 

  "Come on. 'Not Slytherin'?" Selina scoffed, thinking back to her first year. "Everyone else thinks we're all just greedy and evil."

  "Like Malfoy and his merry band of yes-men?" he provided.

  "Yeah. Exactly," she agreed. "Slytherin's values are 'ambition', and 'cunning', and 'resourcefulness'. Those aren't inherently wrong."

  "No, they're good things to have."

  "Right. I know why I'm in Slytherin; I'm in Slytherin because I want to have goals for myself in life, goals that mean something, and I won't stop until I achieve them. I'm a Slytherin because the only person I think worth competing with is myself, but I'm still always competing. That doesn't make me a bad person," she insisted.

  "Not at all; I think that's amazing, if I'm being honest," Fred commended her. "It's just... people

are afraid of people who intentionally push the limits. You're not a bad person."

  "No," Selina thought aloud, "But my grandmother always said I was."

  "Did she?"

Fred seemed saddened by this as he looked at her, gently asking for the rest of the story. 

  "Yeah. She blames... blamed me for my mother's death. She said I was born evil, that I break everything that I touch."

  "She's the evil one, if that's how she spoke to her own grandchild," Fred reasoned.

  "Yeah. But, I mean, my mother also died arguing with my father about my future," Selina considered.

  "Still. The only one to blame was your father," he comforted her.

  "I know. Believe me, I know," she nodded slowly. "I spent years wasting my breath telling her the same thing."

Fred stopped to think for a moment, wondering if what he was thinking was too far. But it seemed so far, Selina only welcomed unusual questions and perspectives, so he decided it was okay.

  "How do you think you're going to get through all this?" he asked candidly.

She stopped for a moment, considering every different variation of meaning that the question had. 

  "I don't know. But I figure staying alive is half the battle," she decided eventually.

  "That is true," he nodded. "Selina I don't really know anything about what you're going through, and I won't pretend to, because that would just be pointless... But if there's one thing I can say, it's that family and friends are there to help you through it."

  "They are," she admitted, "But I can't put all of this on them. It's too much."

  "That's why they're there," he reasoned. 

  "Fred," she began, "You don't know what it feels like to have to ruin a friend's mood on a random Tuesday with the image of your mother being murdered."

  "No. I don't," his kind brown eyes looked into hers, "But I can see that Jasper, and your other friends, even Malfoy, the bloody prat, love you."

  "I can't talk to Jasper about this all the time," Selina said darkly.

  "Why not?" he wondered.

  "Because," she breathed, "He's my boyfriend."

Fred Weasley was lost. 

  "You know what a boyfriend is when you're fourteen?" she posed a question. "When you're young, a boyfriend carries your books for you, and open doors for you, and asks you to dances. Fifteen year-old boyfriends don't usually listen to stories about attempted murder-suicides, or keep you from drinking yourself to sleep, or any other existential bullshit," she said in frustration.

  "Jasper will," Fred told her without hesitation, a serious look in his eyes. "He'll do all of that, and more, whatever you need. That's how much he cares about you," he insisted.

  "I can't ask him to do all that!" Selina cried.

  "But, you don't have to," he offered, "If someone cares about you, they'll just do it."

  "Well, what if they shouldn't?!" she exclaimed, a dead look in her grey eyes. "What if I can't handle someone loving me?"

This was a question Fred had no idea at all how to answer. Just looking at Selina, the striking combination of pain and numbness in her eyes made him realize that, although she was two years younger than he was, she'd had thoughts in passing that were potentially more deeply disturbing than anything he could ever experience. 

  "What if I can't stand myself so much, I'm starting to resent him for loving me?!" she questioned. 

Fred watched in a panic as her thought process slowly devolved into something that could more accurately be described as a gradual breakdown. He was beyond not having any idea how to be a good friend to her. 

  "Fuck! Why did I ever think I should be with someone?!" she scoffed bitterly at the idea. "I saw things that fucked me up before my brain was even developed enough to handle it! That's a person that's fundamentally fucked! 

"Most people start out at a blank slate with themselves, but I probably won't be able to work towards that until I'm thirty! Every time someone tells me they love me, a part of me can't even enjoy it because I just get stuck thinking, 'What the fuck is wrong with you?!'"

Fred had to admit, that was one of the single worst things he had ever heard in his life, and it hurt coming from someone he didn't know well, but had always liked and respected. He'd never known much about Selina before, but now that he saw who she really was on the inside, he felt like he'd met the saddest girl alive, not even sad in nature, but simply sad because she had the most to be sad about. 

  "I'm sorry, Selina," he murmured.

  "I'm sorry," she repeated, "That's exactly the kind of thing I know people don't want to hear about."

  "No. That's what I want to hear," he replied.

"Not that you're upset, of course, but I want to hear about what makes you who you are."

  "Well, that's just a lot of different fucked up things," she thought.

  "I don't care. I'd take that over most conversations with most other people," Fred reassured her. "You're a kind, smart person."

  "Before I came to Hogwarts, I never really knew anyone besides my uncle could think so," she confessed. "I never thought that I could find people who liked me."

  "Well, you have, Selina," he said gently. "And for the record, I like you plenty. Off the Quidditch pitch, at least."

  "Thanks. I like you too," she told him. 

  "Jasper loves you. I can tell he does, even if I don't know him well," he urged her, "Don't be afraid to go to him.

His words stayed with her as she went to bed that night, eager to sleep and get away from everything. But Selina didn't sleep well, despite how exhausted and depleted she was. She drifted off to sleep quickly, but waited the entire night for relief. Never did it come. 

She seemed to be condemned to constant misery, trading in the pain of trudging through her days with the visions that plagued her in her sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, all Selina saw were various re-enactments of her worst memories, a different lineup each night.

Tonight, Selina saw a warped, distorted version of her father casting Expulso against her mother, followed by an even more disturbing renditions of what Marcus Flint had done to her. None of this was even surprising to her when she woke up  early in the morning, groggy and disoriented, still in need of sleep.

  "Mana," Selina murmured, "Mana."

Her friend sat up, looking over at their other friend, Reyna, who was still asleep in her bed. 

  "What?" Amana Tesfaye murmured, rubbing her eyes.

  "Do you have any water?" she asked.

  "No," Amana mumbled sleepily. "I have warm vodka, and a Chocolate Frog."

  "Can I have that?" Selina hoped, earning a confused look from her friend.

  "Fine, here."

Too dazed to discern reality from anything else, Amana lazily reached into her bedside table and threw Selina a purple Chocolate Frog box and a half empty bottle. Selina popped open the bottle, shivering in preparation as she took a decent swig, popping the candy in her mouth immediately after as she threw her blanket back over her head, sighing as she attempted to sleep for at least a few more minutes. 

*****

Selina's eyes were somehow red with sleep deprivation when she woke up, despite having slept. Selina never had to apologize to Jasper for their fight from the night before, even if she wanted to. In the morning, when everyone ate their breakfast, he had sat down beside her, resting his hand in hers as he watched her.

  "Jasper—" Selina had began.

  "Don't worry," he shook his head, interrupting her. "It's okay, Selina."

  "Are you sure?" she asked quietly as everyone decided to give them their privacy

  "I love you," Jasper Carroll said, even more so with his eyes than with his mouth. 

  "I love you," Selina told him, trying her best to smile.

The school was abuzz the next couple of days, awaiting the selection of the three Triwizard Champions. 

Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students were everywhere, which was indeed very interesting to watch. Crabbe and Goyle spent much of their time trailing after the Beauxbatons girls, staring them down in their pretty, powder-blue robes, and Draco was screamed at and/or slapped every time Pansy Parkinson even suspected him of doing the same. 

  "Who do you think it's going to be?" Selina asked her boyfriend as they sat at the Slytherin table, waiting for Dumbledore to begin the ceremonial selection. 

  "Dunno. I just know it's not going to be Fred or George," Jasper supplied.

  "I think it's a safe bet," he agreed, watching the blue flames emitted from the legendary Goblet of Fire with curiosity.

  "I hope Potter's name pops out of that goblet," Draco spoke up cheerfully. 

  "He's not even a seventh year," Pansy pointed out, "If he was, I'd bet you his was the first name in there."

  "I hope whoever gets picked from Beauxbatons doesn't die," Vincent Crabbe chimed in. "It'd be a waste."

  "I hope she doesn't die," Gregory Goyle foolishly pointed over at the one of Beauxbatons girls. 

  "I'd rather she died than her," Crabbe pointed at a different girl.

Draco Malfoy rolled his eyes at his friends. 

  "You're both fucking stupid," Draco shook his head, "Have you not seen her?!" 

  Pansy looked at him in disgust, smacking him across the chest. "Draco!"

  "What?" he questioned blankly.

Jasper just shook his head as the rest of them watched Professor Dumbledore begin his speech.

  "If you were seventeen, would you have put your name in?" Blaise wondered. 

  "Of course, I would've," Selina told him, as Jasper sat beside her, listening in.

  "You'd be stupid not to," Draco agreed with a scoff. "This 'Triwizard Tournament' would be either of ours for the taking."

  "You're right," Selina nodded, eyes fixed on the Goblet of Fire, in all its glory. "I could win this thing," she thought, eyes straining as she stared at the flaming chalice. 

Selina and Jasper watched as Dumbledore began drawing names, gracefully shot from the blue flames of the goblet, the first one being a girl from Beauxbatons. 

  "The champion for Beauxbatons... is Fleur Delacour!"

Selina and the others all joined in on the applause, notably except for Pansy, who was too busy scowling at her boyfriend. It seemed Draco's wandering eyes just couldn't be helped as he applauded and cheered with the other boys as she walked up to shake the Headmaster's hand. 

  "The Durmstrang Champion... Viktor Krum!"

Selina and Draco both cheered especially loud, excited to see the famous Quidditch player called up. He shook Albus Dumbledore's hand, returning to his seat as he prepared to announce the next and final Champion, the one from Hogwarts. 

  "And lastly, the Hogwarts Champion... Cedric Diggory!"

  "Pfft," Draco scoffed, looking across the table at Selina, "You and I could take him."

Selina nodded in agreement, still staring in silence at the front of the room. 

  "Cedric Diggory?" Jasper questioned. "The Hufflepuff Prefect? The Hufflepuff Seeker? All in one person? That's who you two think you could take?"

  "Yeah," Draco nodded confidently, "Look at him. No brains, just... hair."

  "Yeah, Cedric isn't necessarily the brightest at times," Jasper agreed, watching as he eventually sat back down.

They were interrupted by a darkening in the room, as the Goblet's calm, blue flames shifted into erratic red ones as another tiny slip of paper shot out of the goblet, shocking everyone in the room. It was almost silent now. Selina could tell that Dumbledore had no idea what was going on.

Everyone in the room watched as he plucked the slip of parchment from the air, reading it.

  "What the hell just happened?" Pansy whispered.

  "Shut up," Draco snapped in response. 

  "Don't tell me to shut up!"

Selina watched intently as Dumbledore stared down at the name written on the parchment in shock. 

  "Harry Potter," he murmured, looking up in disbelief. "Harry Potter?"

  "Bloody hell," Crabbe whispered. 

Everyone in the room consequently lost their minds.

  "No," Draco murmured, unable to believe what he was hearing. "That's impossible!"

  "How did he do it?!" Pansy exclaimed shrilly.

Selina turned over to Jasper, who didn't seem to have anything to say about it at the moment. She looked over at Harry, who seemed more shocked than anyone in the room.

  "He didn't put his own name in there, did he?" she murmured.

  "I don't think so," Jasper Carroll whispered, the both of them just watching. 

  "Harry Potter!" Professor Dumbledore yelled, more loudly and angrily than Selina or anyone else had ever heard before.

They all watched as Harry slowly stood, shamefully walking up to the front of the room as the students all reacted in different ways, staring,  and yelling, and whispering. Dumbledore furiously thrusted the piece of parchment at him, not saying a single word. 

Draco, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle were all livid following the selection of the Triwizard Champions. Jasper, Selina, and Blaise were relatively quiet as they left the Great Hall. Selina ended up separating from the rest of the group as she ended up meeting Harry in the hall, noticing the vacant expression on his face. 

  "Harry?" Selina said hesitantly.

He seemed far away, and didn't look at her right away, despite having heard what she said. 

  "Selina," he cleared his throat, looking her up and down, still shaken from what had happened earlier.

  "Hey. Are you in trouble?" she asked considerately.

  "I... er, I don't know," Harry admitted. "You... You don't think I did it, then?" he asked her. 

  "No, of course not," Selina responded. "You're not the type."

  "No. I suppose not," he murmured, stopping in place.

Selina sensed his fear, recognizing the lost expression in his eyes.

  "Hey," she said again, trying to find a way to help. "Is there... something I can do to help?"

Harry thought for a moment, feeling the need to come up with something.

  "Erm... Can you come with me? To Dumbledore's office?" he asked hopefully.

  Selina nodded quickly, perfectly capable of doing so. "Yeah. Yeah, of course," she decided agreeably.

  "Thank you," Harry Potter thanked her as they walked. 

She offered a friendly smile as she accompanied him, thoughtfully giving his shaky hand a squeeze. Harry looked up at her, surprised by the gesture. 

  "You're not alone," Selina told him, careful about the promises she made to the potential Triwizard Tournament Champion.

  "Thank you," Harry said to her, accepting the kindness.

They were both otherwise completely silent as Harry headed up the Headmaster's Tower. 

  "I'll be here when you come back," Selina assured him. 

  "Oh, no," he relieved her quickly, "You don't have to do that—"

  "Do you want me to?" Selina cut him off. 

  "I... No, you really don't have to do that," Harry tried to force a smile.

  "I said, do you want me to?" she asked again.

He thought about it for a second, weighing his options.

  "Could you?" he asked in a small, timid voice. 

  Selina tried to smile and ease his mind. "Of course."

As he headed up, Selina gave him a final nod of encouragement, watching as he ascended. He was gone for almost a half an hour, and returned with a nervous expression still on his face, although he did seem more confident.

  "How was it?" Selina asked him, approaching him hesitantly. "Did they interrogate you?"

  "Yeah," Harry said unenthusiastically as they walked towards the Gryffindor common room.

  "Are you okay? Relatively speaking?" she asked gently.

Harry just shrugged, not knowing if he had an answer to the question. 

  "I think so. I think Dumbledore knows I'm innocent. But they're probably still making me compete."

  Selina nodded, accepting the answer. "Good. I'm sure they'll stop suspecting you eventually. They all seem pretty on edge after what happened... Karkaroff especially."

  "Yeah," Harry agreed, distracted. "Hey, Selina?"

  "Hmm?" she replied, not expecting a question.

  "How are you so kind?" Harry Potter asked her. 

  She frowned, not sure how to appropriately answer the question. "That's a long story," she supplied, "Just know I won't treat you like Draco does."

  "I think I've got the time for a long story," Harry offered kindly. 

  The kindness was something she genuinely appreciated. "Something happened when I was a child. And then a bunch of other things happened."

  "What things?" he asked subsequently.

  "Come on," Selina chuckled, "Surely there's something else you'd rather talk about," she remarked. 

  "No, not really," Harry shook his head, trying to avoid the topic of the Tournament at the moment. 

  "Okay," she decided. "Well. I'm sure you've heard the rumors," she stated.

  "What rumors?" Harry asked, probably the only person at Hogwarts who wouldn't have immediately understood what she was referring to.

  "About my parents," she explained.

  "Oh," he realized. "Yeah. Some of it," he replied nonchalantly.

  "I'm sure you've heard about my father. And what he did to my mother," she said softly.

Harry nodded, knowing the story all too well. Everyone at Hogwarts knew that Ilya Romanov was in Azkaban for murdering his wife. 

  "And then, this summer, my grandmother died," Selina murmured. 

  "Yeah, I read about that," he recalled.

  "She killed herself," Selina added. "But we kept that out of the papers. We also kept out the part where she tried to burn us both alive, with Fiendfyre."

Harry just stared at her blankly, unable to say anything in response. 

  "I've heard what they say about us, you know, when they think we're not listening," Selina confided in him. "They call us 'the orphans'. They think they're funny."

  "Who would 'they' be?" Harry questioned. "Malfoy?"

  Selina shook her head. "No. Draco's at least funnier than that."

  "I'll agree to disagree," Harry provided indifferently.

  Selina smiled. "You can insult him to me, Harry, I'll probably laugh with you."

He nodded in agreement, chuckling along with her. He felt a bit more at ease as they walked together. 

  "I know you don't need it, but... I'll make sure he  leaves you alone," she volunteered. "You've got enough on your plate."

  "Thanks, I guess," Harry sighed, "Although, I don't think it'll work."

  "It's the thought that counts," Selina Romanov provided. 

  "Definitely," he agreed wholeheartedly.

*****

  "What are we doing up here?" Selina complained. 

She groaned reluctantly as she allowed Fred and George to drag her all the way up to the seventh floor after the day's lessons had all ended. 

  "You'll see," George told her, "Just watch."

The three of them stopped in the corridor as Fred silently looked up at an empty wall. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the wall began to slowly change, hidden patterns and mechanisms revealed as the wall turned into two grand doors. Startled, Selina looked to the twins for answers.

  "What room is this?" she questioned. 

  "The one room that can disappear and reappear," George grinned.

  "The Room of Requirement," Fred supplied. "It only appears to those who are in need of it, with whatever it is they might need."

  "And what do we currently need?" Selina asked them, not understanding their intentions. 

  "Let us show you," Fred smiled, opening the door for her. 

Selina cautiously entered first, seeing a well-decorated dining room before her, with Kelly, Blaise, and Draco sitting at a table, waiting for them. 

  "What's this?" she asked.

  "A party," Kelly told her, "In your honor."

  "My honor?" Selina asked, as Fred and George joined the others, standing by the table.

  "Yes," she responded. "Draco and Blaise told me about your little freeze. It was obvious, really. I figured, since you have no recollection of the party we threw for the start of the year, so... We figured we'd throw you another one. With just us, and the entertainment," she turned to the Weasleys.

Selina looked at the twins, who pulled little concoctions from inside their coat pockets. There were six little vials, all full of a pale blue liquid, one for each of them. 

  "What are those?" she asked her friends. 

  "Smilers," Fred replied, a smile on his face as he and George accepted substantial payments from Kelly.

  "Smilers?" Selina questioned. "Those are illegal to brew."

  "Good thing we've got somewhere to brew them, eh?" George said cheerfully.

  "Those will last for two hours," Kelly Cross informed her. "That's pretty impressive, especially for a couple of Sixth-Years. I told the Weasleys they could stay since they went through the trouble of brewing them for us. We are having a party, after all."

  "What do you say, Sel?" Draco asked. "Care to rage?" 

  She grinned excitedly, snatching one of the glass vials from George. "Fuck yes."

Fred and George passed out the other vials to everyone, all of them ready to drink the clear blue liquid as they uncapped the vials. 

  "Alright, everyone," George looked around the room.

  "Bottoms up," Fred said, tipping his head back as he poured the liquid down his throat, everyone else following suit. 

Selina drank hers, shaking as she forced herself to swallow it. It didn't taste quite as strong as alcohol, but it definitely had a strong, unpleasant taste to it. She gasped after she'd managed to force it down, already beginning to feel the effects. 

  "This is fucking amazing!" she raved, an eerily wide smile on her face.

The others were all equally energetic, laughing and hollering as they began to feel the effects of the concoction. Within the next few minutes, everyone was absolutely out of control, barely conscious of anything at all. They all went from running laps around the room, to jumping on the table and chairs, to participating in loud, incoherent conversations.

Blaise and George were both seated at the table, loudly discussing Quidditch for some reason. Kelly and Fred were both determined to try and remember who it was that had punched Cassius Warrnington at the Valentine's Day party the year before. Eventually, the two moved onto other topics. 

  "I can't believe Diggory got picked for the Hogwarts Champion," Kelly said irritably. "I put my name in before he did!"

  "Oh, you're smarter than Diggory!" Fred insisted.

Selina couldn't remember how exactly, but the two of them soon ended up smashing vases and glasses all over the room. They were throwing just about everything fragile they could find, and Selina and Draco both joined in. Only about thirty minutes had passed since they'd all taken the potions. 

  "I'm bored!" Draco complained, no longer interested in breaking glass and porcelain in the Room of Requirement. 

 "What do you propose we do?" Blaise Zabini asked eagerly, crossing his arms. 

  "I don't know about you lot, but I'm getting the overwhelming urge to go climb the trees outside," Draco proposed breathlessly.

  Kelly gasped, jumping up and down at this new development. "Oh, my God! Yes!" she cried.

  "Let's go climb trees, then!" Blaise exclaimed.

  "I'll go climb some trees," Selina agreed, liking the idea.

All six of them ended up rushing through the halls out to the courtyard. It took them about five minutes to decide that they would all climb the same tree for fun, and then another five minutes to decide which tree they would be climbing together. 

  "Whoever's highest should go first," Kelly deduced. 

  "Draco's pretty high," Blaise suggested, as everyone laughed hysterically at that for no real reason.

  "No, seriously, who's going up first?" Kelly asked the group. "Fred? George?" she asked hopefully.

Both twins seemed as if they'd rather observe. 

  "We'll just watch from over here," Fred responded, smiling innocently. 

  "I'll go up first," Selina volunteered. 

She stepped up onto the tree, quickly jumping up as she found her way onto the lower branches as her friends watched. She carefully reached upward, scaling up higher as she left enough room for Draco, Blaise, and Kelly. 

  "No fair! You're tall!" Kelly cried. 

  "Woah! This is fun!" Selina laughed as she looked down at everyone else.

  "How's the view, Romanov?" George called.

  "From here?" Selina asked, looking down at them. "Ugly!"

The twins laughed at her sitting up in the tree.

  "Aw, that's not very nice!" Fred teased.

  "Who's next?!" Selina demanded triumphantly, waiting for her other friends to come up.

  "Erm... On second thought, I'll stay down here with the Weasleys," Blaise decided prudently.

  "Prat!" Selina yelled at him. "Draco! Get up here so you can help Kelly!"

  "Why do I have to help Kelly?!" Draco complained. 

  "Oh, fuck you, Malfoy," Kelly rolled her eyes, jumping up to climb the tree. 

She forcefully lifted herself up halfway to where Selina was above her. The two girls looked down at Draco, who seemed somewhat apprehensive now that he was actually being expected to follow through.

  "Draco! Hurry up and get up here already!" Selina yelled at him impatiently. 

Draco Malfoy's face twisted into various anxious expressions as he tried to convince himself. Laughing nervously, he hoisted himself up onto the tree, almost slipping a few times as he climbed up. 

  "Fuck!" he gasped, somehow out of breath.

Selina and Kelly both laughed hysterically at him as they watched him pull himself up the tree, digging his hands into the grooves so that he wouldn't fall. Selina cackled so hard at the sight that her stomach cramped so hard it felt more like some kind of aneurysm, and she couldn't feel her face at all.

  "Fuck," Draco gasped, looking up at the two girls as he caught his breath, sitting in the tree as he examined his clothes for rips or dirt, "I can't stop laughing!" he exclaimed.

  "Neither can we," Kelly Cross remarked, still impressed by how insanely euphoric she felt. "Everything's fucking hilarious!"

Selina was sitting on a thick branch higher than Kelly, laughing involuntarily and without any cadence or rhythm as she watched everything else happening below her, surveying like a hawk. It was quite the rush, focusing on everything and being naturally aware of things without the usual existential dread. She was so enamored with her own high that she hadn't even noticed Draco had moved onto more bothersome forms of entertainment. 

  "Why so tense, Potter?!"

Selina felt her own laughter beginning to fade and die out as she realized that he had moved onto his regularly scheduled programming that included the harassment of one Harry Potter, who was, in fact, tense. He turned to look up at Draco and the others. 

  "My father and I have a bet, you see!" he called, antagonizing him further. "I don't think you're gonna last ten minutes in this tournament."

A part of Selina wanted to intervene, but she found herself completely unable to stray from the path already laid out for her by her current state. So, she only laughed from up in the tree with Kelly, seeming every bit the Slytherin bully she was thought to be by the rest of Hogwarts. 

Harry was clearly already fed up with Draco, and was beginning to contemplate punching him as he spoke. Draco had now been overcome by a sense of self-confidence that could only be described as arrogance, dropping from the tree without hesitation. 

  "He disagrees," Draco added obnoxiously, Crabbe and Goyle automatically flanking to his side from nearby, "He thinks you won't last five."

Harry lost his temper, which everyone figured was inevitable. Selina could hear a voice in the back of her head telling her to do something and stop this, but all that really came out was laughter. She noticed that Kelly was also on the same page. 

  "Well, I don't give a damn what your father thinks, Malfoy!" Harry yelled at Draco, shoving him away. "He's vile, and cruel! And you're just pathetic," he hissed, at least deciding to walk off instead of escalating the issue.

  "Fuck, I'm so high!" Kelly laughed so hard she was clutching her stomach.

Selina didn't respond, but was feeling the exact same thing as she did her best to force her foolish grin into a more serious scowl. They could see that below them, Draco was completely flabbergasted by what he perceived as disrespect from Harry. 

  "'Pathetic'?" Draco growled, unsheathing his wand to curse Harry.

This alerted Selina, but she still didn't know how to handle the situation, seeing as it all happened very quickly. Laughter was inevitable. Luckily for her, the cantankerous Professor Moody appeared out of nowhere, quickly coming to Harry's rescue. 

  "Oh no you don't, sonny!"

Selina and the rest of her friends all gasped as Moody cast a spell, Transfiguring Draco as he cried out loudly. Selina and the others were all high and laughing hysterically as their friend was transformed into what could only be aptly described as an albino ferret. This, of course, was especially humorous to Fred and George Weasley.

In spite of her shock, Selina only cackled with laughter, doubling over and nearly falling out of the tree as she watched Moody, who was shouting like a maniac and using his wand to move the ferret up and down midair. They all watched Crabbe and Goyle panicking. Selina thought she might die; her stomach was cramping aggressively from all the hysterical laughter. Professor McGonagall had tried to intervene by now, but Alastor Moody was already set on his decision. 

  "Draco?!"

What was even funnier to Selina was that Pansy was now a part of this, horrified by what she saw. She was screaming and probably close to crying, while Professor McGonagall still had no idea what was actually happening. 

Just when she thought things couldn't get any more objectively ridiculous, Moody came up with the clever idea to use his wand to force Draco into Crabbe's pants against the will of absolutely everyone involved. Kelly could hardly stay up in the tree, and wheezed exhaustedly. Crabbe cried and whimpered as Goyle attempted to find a way to get Draco out of his pants, but unfortunately, he was unsuccessful.

Selina saw the little white ferret crawl out from Crabbe's pant leg onto the dirt, looking traumatized even as an animal. She was so shocked by the entire situation she had no idea how to react at this point, and just continued to laugh. Realizing what had actually happened, the Deputy Headmistress waved her wand and returned Draco to his original state, as he hopped  up off the ground, looking disheveled and furious, but also frightened at the same time.

McGonagall did not seem pleased at all. Draco whipped around quickly, glowering in Moody's direction. 

  "My father will hear about this!"

However, he instantly regretted this decision as Moody decided to chase after him. Selina had given up on breathing. 

  "Is that a threat?!" Moody demanded menacingly.

  "Professor Moody!" McGonagall interrupted.

  "Is that a threat?!"

Draco, high out of his mind, now realized what a mistake that was and took off screaming. 

  "Professor...?!"

  "I could tell you stories about your father that would curl even your greasy hair, boy! It doesn't end here!" Moody threatened him further, which everyone found to be completely insane.

Selina could tell Harry was enjoying this thoroughly. 

  "Alastor!" Minerva McGonagall said sternly. "We never use Transfiguration as a punishment! Surely Dumbledore told you that."

  Moody tapped his wand against his chin uncertainly. "He might've mentioned it."

Kelly and Selina still couldn't believe that this man truly existed. 

  "And you will do well to remember it," she scolded him, redirecting her attention to the spectacle that he'd caused. "Away!" 

Crabbe and Goyle both ran away in shame, searching for Draco. The other students were all chased away as Selina and her friends remained, unable to contain their laughter, except for Pansy, who was more freaking out than anything. As Blaise and the twins chuckled amongst themselves down below, Selina and Kelly finally dropped from the tree, overwhelmed by the entire ordeal.

  "Fuck!" Selina gasped. "That was fucking mental!"

  "You can say that again," Fred remarked.

  "That was fucking mental!" George exclaimed.

  "Don't actually say it, you fucking idiot!" his brother cried.

  "I'm going to check on Draco!" Pansy Parkinson exclaimed, running off without another word.

  "Ask him if he needs some kibble, or something!" Blaise called after her, making the others laugh. "God, that was brilliant."

  "I'm going to ask him to teach me that one," Selina remarked, not sure what else there was to do about the situation at this point. 

  "Is anyone else really thirsty?" Kelly Cross questioned, her voice somewhat hoarse now.

  "Yeah. That's one of the side effects," George told her.

  "Let's go get juice," Kelly sighed, as the group made their way to the Great Hall.

As some of her friends sat together at the Slytherin table in the Great Hall, Selina eventually left them to use the bathroom. 

  "I'll be right back," she told her friends.

Jasper nodded as she left them, and they continued their conversations. Eventually, it was time for dinner, and she returned to the table, where Amana, Blaise, Draco, Pansy, and Jasper were all sitting. For some reason, everyone seemed overly relieved to see her. 

  "Where'd you go?" Jasper Carroll looked up at her.

  "The loo," she repeated, a humorous expression on her face. "What's the matter?" Selina questioned as she sat down beside Jasper. "Why do you all look like that?" 

  "Selina," Jasper said in a serious tone, "Where were you?"

  "I told you, I went to the loo," she repeated, feeling as if no one had been listening to her. 

  "Come on, Selina, where did you actually go?" Pansy questioned.

  "I went to the bathroom!" Selina repeated again. 

  "For two hours?" Blaise stated at her in confusion.

  She blinked profusely for a moment, completely dumbfounded by the question. "What do you mean, 'two hours'? I was gone for ten minutes."

  "Selina," Jasper said worriedly, looking her in the eye, "Dinner started twenty minutes ago. I've been here the whole time, and I have not seen you."

She was still incredibly confused by what they were saying to her. Was this just a joke of some sort that she didn't get?

  "You left to use the bathroom before four-thirty," Draco told her, "It's almost six-thirty."

  "What? That doesn't even make sense!" she said in disbelief.

  "Hey. Selina," Jasper said quietly, leaning in to speak to her, "They told me about what you took with the Weasleys. They're worried about you."

  "Why?" she scoffed. "I'm fine!"

  "Then where were you for the past two hours?" Blaise asked expectantly, trying to get an answer out of her.

Selina froze, not knowing how to answer the question. Nothing came to mind, and she knew she was fucked. 

  "I think things are getting a bit out of control, Selina," her boyfriend said softly.

  "'Out of control'?" she echoed, not understanding. 

The truth was, Selina couldn't remember where she'd been for the past two hours or so. As far as she knew, she'd gone to the girls' bathroom for a few minutes and was on her way back. She knew she'd felt pretty much sober once she'd left the Great Hall, and she had no real idea as to how two hours had passed since she left her friends. 

  "The drinking. It's gotten out of control," Jasper said as everyone else was too afraid to say anything further. 

  "How?" she asked him, caught off guard. "I'm fine, my marks are fine—"

  "We're not talking about grades, Sel," Amana pointed out. "We're not trying to criticize you. We're just worried."

Draco, Pansy, and Blaise all stayed quiet from then on, each for different reasons. Blaise, although he cared very much about his friend, didn't know how to contribute to the conversation. Draco Malfoy was uncomfortable with the topic, and Pansy felt she definitely didn't know enough to help. 

  "Why?" she blurted out. "I'm perfectly fine."

  "No," Jasper insisted, "You're not."

  "Stop trying to create a problem that isn't there! I'm— I'm fine!" she stumbled over her words.

Selina had no idea how to prove that something didn't exist. Pansy looked worriedly at her boyfriend, scared that things might get worse. Draco just looked down at his plate, gulping as he  squeezed his eyes shut. 

  "You lost a week of your memory, Selina," Amana reminded her as gently as she could. "And now, two entire hours."

Draco and Pansy both exchanged worried looks as things continued to escalate. 

  "Hey, that could've happened to anyone! It wasn't my fault!" she exclaimed in disbelief, feeling that the argument wasn't fair.

Selina had done everything she could to be responsible, and to keep herself safe. She felt betrayed when her friends and her own boyfriend  accused her of being reckless. 

  "You got so high, you don't remember where you were for the past two hours. We were worried about you, Selina!" Jasper exclaimed out of frustration.

  "No, I didn't! I was perfectly fine when I left, I don't know what the fuck happened!" she yelled. "That's the truth!"

  "You don't even know what happened," Amana repeated her words, "Don't you think things are getting out of control?"

  "Hey, fuck you, you drink too!" Selina exclaimed.

  "Hey, hey, hey," Blaise murmured, trying to keep the conversation calm and civil.

  "I didn't lose my grandmother over the summer," Amana reminded her gently, as Draco shot her a look.

  "Fuck," Blaise muttered. 

  "Fuck you, Mana! You're my best friend!" Selina yelled. "Your mother got cheated on, and your house burned to the ground too, but I didn't hold it against you every time you drank!"

  "Because I don't drink as much as you, Selina!" Amana Tesfaye looked at her with her eyes burning. "I saw your closet. This summer, every time I went to your house."

Everyone in the group froze. 

  "I saw the bottles in your closet," Amana stated, feeling forced to out her friend.

  "All that proves is that you went through my shit!" Selina argued.

  "Selina, stop attacking Amana. She's just trying to help you," Jasper told her. "No one here is attacking you."

  "Stop treating me like a child!" she cried.

  "Stop acting like one, and we will," he replied smoothly.

  "And, there we have it," Blaise said finally.

  "I'm acting like a child?" Selina questioned, seething as she looked into his calm green eyes. "You're acting like a fucking arsehole!"

Jasper said nothing, his lips pursed together as he tried to deal with the scene that had been created. 

  "I don't know what happened the past two hours, and I know it didn't have anything to do with what I took today. I'm as confused as all of you," Selina Romanov insisted. "So either stop blaming it on me, or fuck off."

Before Jasper could say anything, she got up from the Slytherin table, pushing and shoving her way out of the hall. She stormed back to her dorm, her mind overwhelmed with anger and confusion. She truly had no explanation for what had happened, which made her think that it really had been the potion she'd took hours ago with her friends that caused her lapse in memory.

[thats-the-teen-spirit]

Fall Out Boy - So Much For Stardust song-by-song review

I'm just gonna start this by being completely honest: since MANIA was released, I haven't been interested in any Fall Out Boy songs because I was that disappointed by that album. To my surprise when they released the first singles of SMFS they sounded pretty good, but they still weren't enough to get me hyped, I even forgot that the album was to come out today until I got the notification

Well, this opinion changed instantly when I listened through the whole record. This might even be one of the best albums of the year for me already. But let's not get that ahead this early. Here's what I think song by song.

01. Love From The Other Side

The first single the band released off the album and conveniently the opening track starts with a dreamy piano+string intro which then explodes into a surprising rock riff that is very reminiscent of the earlier FOB records. So much so that when I first heard it I thought it was a B-Side from Folie A Deux or something. But no, it was a well-written pop punk banger with a great hook in the chorus that was a 2022 release (as a single). The music video is also hilarious with old man Pete telling a tale and the band wearing dumb costumes and having countless references to older FOB videos. Nostalgia factor 10/10.

02. Heartbreak Feels So Good

The second single and the second song starts with an intro that scared me a little when I first heard it. Not because it was spooky but because it had a little late 2010's dancehall feeling to it that I really hoped the music industry had grown out of already. But as soon as the drums and later the guitars arrive everything suddenly made sense. The post-chorus ooh-s reminded me a little to the MANIA era but they weren't as jarring as I expected. Sounded very poppunk again, similarly to the older FOB albums. The line: "I’d never go, I just want to be invited" is one that I think every introvert like me can relate to which is a nice touch in the song. The music video has Rivers Cuomo in it which made the song even better for me as a huge Weezer fan.

03. Hold Me Like a Grudge

Now this was what I expected from a newer Fall Out Boy single. Despite being only the first single that was released today, same day as the album itself, if I heard the full album for the first time, I would've guessed this was the first single. It's really dance-y, borderline annoyingly. The yeah-yeahs reminded me a little of Michael Jackson's highs that brought a little soul vibe to the whole song. Also although the song has distorted guitars in it, I wouldn't call this one a rock song, more like a funky, dance-y, disco pop banger which happens to be played by a whole rock band. The lyrics are really good in this one, seems like the boys found the right pen again because lines such as: "And I guess I'm getting older cause I'm less pissed When I can't get onto the guest list" or "Part time soulmate, full time problem" seem way less cringy than "I'll stop wearing black when they make a darker color" for example. Overall this one is a great song but if you want the emo version of FOB, you might not like it.

04. Fake Out

The fourth track starts off really reminiscent of the 00's, this one is a calmer, "sad but i'm dancing anyway" type of song. The verse riff to me sounds like a blink-182 song, similar to Bored to Death or What's My Age Again with the clean guitars, it really seems like this one was written to pay respects to the band's roots. The lyrics in this are on point again, the opening line of the chorus: "Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break" is again really quotable, and Patrick's vocal performance singing the high notes is perfect as usual. The elder emos who liked FOB from Infinity On High might enjoy this song a lot.

05. Heaven, Iowa

The first more of a power ballad on the album starts very pop-ish, so the listener doesn't know what to expect until the second chorus hits. Patrick again shows his incredible range, and in the second chorus the guitars and the drums follow him on his journey to the highest of highs. It's honestly one of the more annoyingly catchy songs for me on the album, by the time the last chorus hit I was ready to scream: SCAR... CROSSED... LOVERS... FOREVER. There's even a spicy guitar solo/lick at the end that adds to the whole power ballad feeling.

06. So Good Right Now

If you want a really retro sounding, almost rockabilly song to dance to then look no further. This song also screams both Infinity On High and Folie A Deux to me. The chorus is a little repetitive, it's like it's purposely trying to convince you that the singer is feeling soooo good right now. Maybe this is an obvious contradiction that just flew over my head. There's also a lot of woah-s and yeah-s which add to this feeling of repetitiveness. Overall I think this one, despite sounding really retro, a forgettable song for me.

07. The Pink Seashell (feat. Ethan Hawke)

This one is an interesting spoken word interlude between the (seemingly) happiest and the biggest sounding songs on the record: Ethan Hawke's guest appearence from the movie Reality Bites where his character speaks about enjoying life despite its hardships. Honestly this interlude hit me way harder than it should've. There's not much to say, if you're a 90's movie fan, you probably know this whole monologue, if not then prepare the tissues 'cause you're about to be sad.

08. I Am My Own Muse

As previously mentioned, this one is easily the biggest sounding song on the whole record. The first intrumental section really shows how good songwriters the boys in the band are. There's a sting section, a brass secion, accompanied by the heavy sounding muted guitars are just amazingly well put together. I recommend listening to this one with good sounding headphones. The melody in the verses also similar to 40's and 50's love songs with the melody ending on a lower note. I feel like this song pays homage to these huge movie soundtracks and scores that were in the classic movies back then.

09. Flu Game

Surprise, surprise, another dance-y sounding piece. This one just blatantly tells you that there was a heartbreak and the singer of the song doesn't need to count on them or anyone anymore. I don't know if just because of the danciness or because of the production but Flu Game has major Folie A Deux vibes for me. I also like the ear allegory between Mike Tyson and Van Gogh. Sometimes I love FOB because of these clever lyrical comparisons and not because of the melodies, and this one belongs to that category.

10. Baby Annihilation

Despite the title sounding like a deathcore album, this one is just a short spoken word interlude by Pete Wentz himself, the first one since 20 Dollar Nose Bleed apparently. It doesn't hit as hard for me as the Ethan Hawke one but if you like Wentz' lyricism you might even enjoy this little break between songs. It's a disappointed yearning for something better and that's pretty much all it wants to say.

11. The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

If you liked Save Rock And Roll, this song might be for you. The Na-Na-Na's bring that feeling to this song, the instrumental is not as pop rock-ishly heavy as in the other songs. I also like the melody before the bridge a lot, it's very pop punk. I don't think this one will become a hit but the diehard fans of the band will still enjoy this song a lot.

12. What a Time To Be Alive

We pretty much paid homage to every decade now, of course the 80's won't be an exception. The drums in the beginning sounded a little like Mary On A Cross by Ghost to me and the riff is also reminiscent of that kind of music. But again, the melody and the production also reminded me to Papa Don't Preach by Madonna so I don't know what to think anymore. The song's groove is similar to the Madonna song as well. The lyrics are clearly written about the lockdown era and how we were waiting for the apocalypse to happen. The song is vibey and happy but the lyrics are probably the darkest so far. To add to the 80's feeling there's even a harmonized guitar solo in the end. Great piece, I really enjoyed this one.

13. So Much (for) Stardust

And the cherry on top, as mentioned in the previous song, the title track of the album. The piano intro sounds very soul-ish to me which compliments Patrick's voice. Then we get a Save Rock'n Roll type of ballad chorus which is completely expected for a Fall Out Boy closing track but the real cherry on top is something else. Around 3 minutes there's a reprise of the first song of the album which hasn't happened in Fall Out Boy songs since What A Catch, Donnie on Folie A Deux. When I heard the callback for the first time I gasped "No Shit" to myself because that was such a cheap but great solution by the band that I didn't know was still in them. Pretty much the best closure since What A Catch, Donnie. Absolute perfection

So here it is, I didn't think I would enjoy a FOB record in 2023, but here we are. This album is perfect for elder emos' nostalgia boner but also a fresh take on how pop rock/mainstream pop punk should sound in the current year, embracing the nostalgia. The record is amazing for the early spring weather, I listened to it during a long walk by myself, I'd recommend you to do the same. Easily will be among the albums of the year for me personally.

[baronessblixen]

Just some hurt/comfort set after “Folie à Deux”. Tagging @today-in-fic

Shared Comfort

“Oh Mulder,” his name falls from her lips in a tortured whisper. He watches as she applies medical ointment to his red, chafed wrists, the scent making his eyes water. Or that’s what he tells himself anyway.

Looking at Scully, seeing her vibrant hair, her blue, watery eyes, he is filled with calmness. There‘s no sound here except for her breathing, and his own thoughts. 

“Think I‘ll live, doc?”

“Not funny,” she says with a stern look. “How are you feeling? Do you want me to give you something to sleep?”

He shakes his head. “The nurse, she… I should be asleep already.” He‘s bone-tired, his muscles aching. But how can he close his eyes? Falling asleep does not seem like an option. 

“It‘s the adrenaline,” Scully says, putting the cap back on the ointment. She continues to rub his wrist, applying gentle pressure. “It will wear off soon. You need to sleep, Mulder.”

He shakes his head and gives her half a smile. “You should sleep though.” He looks around, for the first time realizing that Scully only got them one hotel room. There‘s only one bed. “Are you- you‘re not leaving, are you?” His voice sounds shaky to his own ears. 

“I thought we could share for the night.” There‘s an innuendo stuck in his throat that he swallows.

“Thank you,” he says instead.

“Is there anything you need?” Her fingers are still wrapped around his wrist, but she‘s not trapping him; she‘s anchoring him here, to this moment. He‘s overcome by thankfulness for her. By love, too. She‘s done so much for him already. How can he ask for more, again and again?

When she became his partner, she didn‘t sign up to share his trauma, all his nightmares. This one barely scratches the top ten of what he‘s gone through. Yet, he can‘t fathom closing his eyes and losing sight of her. 

He doesn‘t have the right to ask her, but he can‘t fight his exhaustion any longer.

“Can you just… stay?” Her expression is puzzled. “Hold me?” he asks in barely a whisper.

“Of course.” Her reply is just as soft before she helps him lie down, covering him with the comforter. “I‘ll be right back,” she promises, quickly running her fingers through his hair. He listens to the intimate sounds of her bathroom routine that he knows she‘s keeping short tonight. For him. She‘s back before he‘s dared to blink.

“Promise me you‘ll try to sleep,” she says, her breath smelling of toothpaste. “I will be here.”

“I know,” he says. “You believed me, Scully.” He blinks, his eyes feeling as heavy as lead. 

“I saw it,” she admits, meeting his eyes. 

“So we‘re both crazy now, huh?” His eyes drift close but he cracks a smile.

“You‘re not crazy, Mulder.”

“Are you coming on to me, Scully?” He wonders if he‘s asleep already, if maybe this conversation is just a dream. He scoots closer to her, shamelessly stealing her warmth and her strength. But she doesn‘t seem to mind. Instead she holds him closer, her hand on his back as if to steady him. His one in five billion. Who else would hold his broken soul and cherish it?

She doesn‘t reply, but he never expected her to. Her hand finds his, her slender fingers tangling with his broken ones. She lets go of his hand and he‘s about to protest when she touches his lip where it bust open. 

“Kiss it better?“ He jokes, wondering how many innuendoes he has to throw out until she bites.

“Will it hurt if I do?” 

He must have reached the magic number. His eyes open and he can barely make out her face. 

“I don‘t know,” he says, staring at her. The sheets rustle as she leans over and presses the lightest kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“Did it hurt?”

“No. No pain.”

“Good. Try to sleep now, Mulder.”

“Hmm,” he hums. He wants to say more, needs her to know that he needs her here. That her arms are holding him together and safe from the nightmares. 

“I won‘t let go,” she promises, tightening her grip on him. But he doesn‘t need to say anything because she already knows.

[backslashdelta]

Apparently I have zero reading comprehension when asked about more than one thing that I love at a time, but I already took the time to write out my thoughts before I realized that, so here is the answer to the question @blangstydays absolutely did not ask me:

Fall Out Boy albums as Glee characters

Take This To Your Grave. This is a little messy, kinda raw, feels a bit impulsive somehow? A bit emotional, young, I don't know how to explain the vibes this album gives me, but whatever they are, they are definitely Noah Puckerman vibes. I could see him loving Sending Postcards, Pros and Cons, and Patron Saint.

From Under The Cork Tree. Tina Cohen-Chang vibes. This is classic FOB, emo/goth Tina would absolutely adore this album with every fibre of her being. Gin Joints and XO are her jams.

Infinity On High. I think this album might be Quinn Fabray? It still has an edgy vibe at times but it's more polished, if that makes sense. And a bit softer at times. I feel like skank!Quinn would blast this album in her room. She gets emotional every time she listens to Thriller, and Hum Hallelujah hits her like no other piece of music ever has. She learns to play Golden on the piano.

Folie à Deux. This album my beloved. I'm going to give this one to Mercedes Jones. It feels like the right level of chill and really big, whole sounds? I'm not sure if that makes sense at all. But I think this is the first of their albums that she could really listen to and truly vibe with it. Disloyal Order? What A Catch, Donnie? Come on. She'd love it.

Save Rock And Roll. This is a Finn Hudson album actually. It's got rock and roll vibes (obviously) which I feel like Finn would appreciate. He'd hear a song on the radio and be intrigued, then confused when he heard it was FOB because "aren't they some old emo band that broke up?" But he jams out to The Phoenix and My Songs and Death Valley.

American Beauty/American Psycho. I think this is a Santana Lopez album. It's the right amount of loud and edgy and just a little soft. Favourites include Irresistible, Centuries, and Novocaine.

MANIA. This is the hardest one for me to choose, but I think I'm going to give it to Blaine Anderson. I can see how that might be a surprising choice, but hear me out. I feel like it's a very intense album, also a bit all over the place. Thematically I think it just... fits Blaine. Just try to tell me that he wouldn't identify with Heaven's Gate on a near-spiritual level. Try to tell me that Champion wouldn't absolutely be his pump-up song. And he would adore the absolute bop that is HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T, I can imagine him driving around singing it at the top of his lungs. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced.

[pseudoneiiric]

@confettisuite​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ sent:  Ship Bias for Lilian! @deathwis​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ sent:  ship bias » for lilian !!  /  accepting!

send ‘ship bias’ and i will share up to 5 ships i have a bias for for my muse!

using this as an excuse to put ten ships down, sorry not sorry. i actually have a note on my phone of lilian ship fics i want to write. it’s kind of not okay! anyway let me list a bunch of them that i love, in no particular order:

starting off with a canon one... anrilian does make me emotional. i do think a lot about how lili probably didn’t like her back because of her discomfort around the idea of not being seen as a girl, and i love the idea that anri comphetted for lili and then felt relieved until lilian transitioned and then she was like. fuck.

lililight! it’s one of my big ships for lilian and it’s the only ship fic i’ve actually started. i think they are so sweet and i think they’re weird enough for each other. it’s also kind of a little bit terrible no good bad bad but... in a good way!

lilimisa! there’s something so inherently intimate about them sharing the role of second kira. i also do think that lilian’s, like... good for misa. she’s so similar to light but nowhere near as manipulative, and i do think misa would be able to hold her ground much better if she went in already having a girlfriend. that’s just my opinion

lilimatty. it has to be said. lilian’s etn au will singlehandedly kill me and i am such a huge supporter of these codependent little individuals! they hurt me, truly. it all started from them both having a huge fondness for stuffed animals. that was the first step to lilimatty supremacy

lilimaeda. this came up because i was saying that lilian has unfortunate taste in men and always ends up liking the tumblr sexymen. but also for lilian’s dr au this one actually works really well considering she’s also a lucky student! they kind of a dynamic like “my luck’s going to fuck up your life” / “not if my luck fucks my life up first”. plus they’re both fucked in the head (affectionate). i have it saved in here as “hope vs despair debates. folie à deux”

lilipete... the two of them have the most off-putting, nihilistic demeanours and i just think it’s absolutely stellar. the energies of them will send me to an early grave, actually. they just will.

saflili! i just really love the energies of this one in particular because it’s very much like. smart girl solidarity! i love the idea that they’d slowly grow to care about each other quite a bit through just... being able to trust each other on an intellectual level. and of course, that respect morphing over time to concern, romantic interest... it just kills me, i love saflili actually

natsulili! i think lilian is just the ideal partner for natsuki actually. natsuki’s always reminded me of anri and i just think she’d end up falling hard for lilian since lili is just such a joking teasing kind of person. it’s got... natsuyuri vibes for sure

mukuro/lili! i just think they’d end up getting along so well and being able to bond over. basically. like the trauma they suffered from their sisters and i just think they’d end up being really sweet!

ok i can’t really decide between these so i’m just gonna dump them here: peko/lili, hinata/lili, naegi/lili, asahina/lili

[dvp95]

quiet on widow’s peak (9)

pairing: dan howell/phil lester, pj liguori/sophie newton/chris kendall rating: teen & up tags: paranormal investigator, mystery, online friendship, slow burn, strangers to lovers, nonbinary character, trans character, background poly, phil does some buzzfeed unsolved shit and dan is a fan word count: 3.1k (this chapter), 29.6k (total) summary: Phil’s got a list of paranormal experiences a mile long that he likes to share with the world. Abandoned buildings, cemeteries, and ghost stories have always called his name, and a particular fan of his has a really, really good ghost story.

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

The sleep Phil has is restless and patchy. He wakes up so many times, spikes of panic cutting through the calm as he tries to remember where he is and who's breathing next to him. Dan is either a very heavy sleeper or very good at pretending to sleep, because Phil jerking awake never makes them stir.

It's a comfort, to look at Dan and see their blurry face slack with a peacefulness that wasn't there all night, but Phil doesn't do it for too long. Watching someone sleep is the pinnacle of creepiness. He just looks for a couple of seconds until his heart rate slows back down and he can roll onto his side. He faces away from Dan so he isn't tempted to keep looking at them, staring at the boring wall instead and waiting for sleep to momentarily take him again.

He's still tired when he wakes up properly to Dan tossing and turning, but he decides that's his cue to be awake.

"Hey," he murmurs, reaching for Dan's hand. He squints, but he can't tell if Dan is having a nightmare or if they're awake without getting even closer to their face. "It's okay. You're okay."

Dan takes a deep, shuddering sort of breath and cradles Phil's hand in both of their own. It's like they're afraid he's going to let go. "Sorry, fuck."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for," says Phil. His stomach is doing a weird twisty thing at the sound of Dan's voice all husky with sleep. As long as he acts normal, it's fine, right? It's hard to convince himself of that when Dan's hands are pressed to his own and making him feel impossibly small. "How did you sleep?"

"I mostly slept fine," Dan says, and Phil nods like he didn't already know that.

"Good. You needed it."

For a moment, Dan is quiet. Then, they shuffle onto their side so they can properly face Phil, who has to fight the urge to hide away from their gaze. It's a good thing that he can't see the depth and warmth and sparkle of Dan's eyes without his glasses on.

"You didn't sleep very well," they say like it's a fact. Phil doesn't bother trying to deny it, he just shrugs. "You could have woken me up."

"Why would I do that?" Phil asks, puzzled by the offer.

Dan smiles, and Phil reaches for his glasses. He feels so vulnerable without them, and the sensation of not being able to see the way Dan is smiling while Dan can probably read every tiny emotion on his face is anxiety-inducing.

He leaves his other hand in Dan's. Maybe it would be easier if he just let go, but he finds that he doesn't want to.

The world comes into focus, and Phil blinks over at Dan like it's his first time seeing them. They look so different with their lashes clumped together and lines creased into their soft cheeks by the pillow. Curls are in complete disarray, and Phil presses his fingers into his palm so he doesn't try to brush the frizzy, unruly mess off Dan's forehead. Their smile doesn't fade when Phil just kind of stares - if anything, it gets even wider.

"You stayed with me all night," says Dan. Their tone is dry, but Phil imagines there's not a small amount of sincerity behind it. "You didn't have to, like, be alone."

Alone isn't something Phil had felt at all. Dan's steady breathing and the warmth of them emanating from their core even when they weren't touching were the only things keeping Phil grounded every time he woke with a start. He doesn't know how to say that to this person he barely knows, though, wouldn't know how to say something so open to most of the people in his life, so he just chuckles.

"No use in neither of us getting any sleep," he points out.

Dan is very warm, and Phil can feel his palm starting to get sweaty where it's trapped between both of theirs. He makes an apologetic face and pulls his hand back, patting it on his flannel pyjamas. Dan doesn't seem bothered by the lack of contact, but they also don't seem relieved - Phil can't tell what they're thinking at all, if he's honest.

"So," says Dan. "Where do we go from here?"

Before Phil can even think about it, he echoes the question in falsetto. It's louder and more obnoxious than he intends it to be. He swings his legs out of bed and reaches for his phone on the nightstand to try and hide a blush. "Uh, we go eat breakfast. Lunch, I guess."

"You lied," Dan says to his back. "You are always thinking about Buffy."

"Not always," Phil says weakly.

"Often enough."

"Once More With Feeling bypasses my brain entirely. It's just a primal call and response to anyone as obsessed with the show as teenage me was."

"I've never seen the show the whole way through," says Dan. "But Buffy is a style icon of mine."

Phil's tired brain offers him a half dozen mental images of Dan in various Buffy outfits before he shakes his head to try and clear it. He's never been particularly interested in boys wearing girls' clothes, but the concepts of gender identity and presentation are so blurry when it comes to Dan that he's going to have to rethink that position. They're not 'girls' clothes' on Dan. Maybe there's no such thing as 'girls' clothes' at all.

It's too early in the day for a deep dive on his own perceptions of gender, though. He thinks that sort of existentialism can wait until after his second or third coffee.

--

Phil's parents eat lunch with them and do their best to make small talk, but only Chris is On enough to properly converse with them. At Phil's umpteenth 'huh' of the early afternoon, they give up entirely and migrate to the lounge to watch tv.

For a long few seconds, the kitchen table is quiet. Then, Dan stands and starts to clear everyone's plates.

"You don't have to do that," Phil says, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I need to do something with my hands or I'll lose the plot," says Dan. They dump the dishes carefully in the sink and start running water. Having their back to the group seems to give them the courage to add, "I don't have all my meds with me. I didn't exactly expect to be out all night."

"What d'you take?" Chris asks.

"Little fucking nosy of you," says PJ.

"Well, one of us might have what he needs, love. I'm not just asking for the hell of it."

Phil feels a bit like his mum has possessed him when he clicks his tongue disapprovingly. "You really shouldn't share medication," he says when Chris gives him a look.

It makes Dan laugh, anyway, so Phil feels like he's done something right. They still don't turn around, just washing everybody's dishes and looking so weirdly at home in Phil's clothes, Phil's old kitchen. Phil doesn't realise he's staring at their back until someone kicks him under the table.

"Earth to Phil," Chris murmurs. He's resting his chin on a hand and smirking, but his eyes are too sharp for how little sleep he must have gotten. Phil feels heat rise to his cheeks and pulls his coffee closer to use the steam as an excuse.

"I don't need anything, really," Dan hums. "Thanks for asking. My brain just struggles a bit."

"A big mood, as the kids say," Chris says sagely.

Dan laughs again. It isn't as loud as Phil knows it can get, but it still fills the room and makes everything seem a bit brighter. "Do the kids say that?" they ask. "Is that what they say?"

"I believe it is," says Chris.

There is another stretch of silence. Phil watches his friends' faces as the elephant in the room weighs on them all. He's making a bet in his own mind about who will be the first to break when Dan turns around and bluntly says, "I still don't think that was a ghost, but I really fucking hated it."

"Sorry," says PJ, "but what else could it have possibly been?"

"I dunno," says Dan. They cross their arms over their waist, holding onto their own elbows. Phil is beginning to recognise the position as a protective one for them. "But I'm sure there's an explanation. Sleep paralysis is normal."

"The way it happened was not normal."

"What do you think it was, Dan?" Sophie asks. Her tone is much kinder than PJ's, but she seems just as skeptical.

Dan's dimple is pulling downwards in unhappiness or discomfort, so Phil waves a hand to get everyone's attention on himself instead.

"Why don't you guys tell us what exactly happened to you," he suggests, meeting Dan's eyes almost apologetically. He knows that none of them want to relive it, but it's easier if they're all on the same page here. "And we can toss around theories later."

--

PJ says, "It was a demon. I could see it. It was tall and humanoid-ish and had a Cheshire Cat smile and it kept going closer to Chris and Soph just to watch me panic. Then it would laugh and sharpen its claws on the wall. It felt like hatred and fear in a physical being. I really don't think our protection sigils did fuck all, but it didn't actually touch any of us, so maybe they helped a bit?"

Dan says, "It was nothing of the sort. I saw the same shit you did, Peej, but that doesn't mean anything. Haven't you ever heard of mass hysteria? Folie à deux - not the album - isn't unheard of. Maybe there's a high level of carbon monoxide. Maybe the asbestos got to us. I don't fucking know, but there's a hundred explanations before you hit demon. But, yeah. It looked like what PJ says. It felt like I was frozen for a fucking week, not just a few hours, it was awful. Zero out of ten, would not do again."

Sophie says, "It smiled at me and I felt cold."

--

They pile into the basement to recuperate so they aren't bothering Phil's parents. Or, more accurately, so Phil's parents aren't bothering them. Most of the games are packed up, but Phil finds the Wii and its small collection of disks in a box under the stairs. He sets it up, hands his friends the controllers, and sits back to zone out while they tear each other apart at Mario Kart.

Phil doesn't consider himself a skeptic. He knows that his threshold of belief is a lot lower than he makes it appear to be in his videos, but he'd never call himself a Scully. He always thinks about the supernatural aspects of any case he's looking into, even if he doesn't commit a hundred percent to the mentality that it must be something weird. He usually just prefers the weird option to the more common and boring reality of things.

So this thing with the Wilkins place is downright terrifying. Not only is it in Phil's proverbial backyard, too close for comfort in a lot of ways, but he hasn't had an experience quite so chilling since he was sixteen and dipping his toe into this hobby at Martyn's side.

He and Martyn still aren't sure what exactly left those finger-shaped bruises on Phil's ankles, but it's become a funny story in the years since.

Maybe this will be something to laugh at in a few years, too. Phil hopes so.

"You sure you don't want to play?" Dan asks, breaking into Phil's reverie. They're in first place and not even looking at the screen, their concerned brown eyes focused on Phil. Phil gives them a small smile and shakes his head.

"No, I'm alright."

"Phil, please take the controller from him," says Chris. He seems annoyed, but Phil can never tell how much of that is a show. It's possible that Chris isn't actually competitive at all and just likes to work Phil and PJ up by acting like he, too, would rather eat a whole head of lettuce than lose. It's also possible that Chris genuinely feels that way. "He's not even fucking trying and he's kicking our asses."

"Maybe you deserve to have your ass kicked a bit," Phil says, watching the screen to see how easily Dan ducks around various obstacles.

It still jolts a bit, hearing the people around him make an assumption - however logical it is - about how Dan wants to be addressed. Phil knows it isn't his place to correct them, especially since it seems like they're not using any less correct terms than he is, but it still rankles a bit.

"Fuck's sake!" PJ exclaims, looking like he's a hair away from throwing the Wiimote at something. He's never actually hit that level of gamer rage, but getting lapped by someone who keeps checking their phone during a race seems to be getting on his nerves. Phil reaches out and pats at PJ's mess of curls.

"You'll be okay," he says, dry. "They're just better than you, you'll live."

Maybe the pronoun use is a little more pointed than it needs to be, but Dan gives him such an exasperatedly fond grin that Phil can't bring himself to regret it. There is a brief beat of quiet, and then PJ groans again.

"It's not fair," says PJ, gesturing dramatically with the Wiimote. Sophie leans out of the line of fire. "This is unacceptable. We have to play a game they're bad at, now."

"I don't care what you call me," says Dan. They sound more amused than anything else. "As long as you know I'm winning anything we play."

"That's why they call him Winnie," Chris says in that very mild voice he uses for absolute nonsense. He puts his own controller aside and flops onto his back on the basement floor, stretching. "I can't do it, I can't play another round of this farce. I'm going upstairs to let my future mum-in-law dote on me."

Phil sighs. He can feel Dan's eyes on him again, and he shrugs helplessly in their general direction. He does not control the Chris. "Please stop saying things like that. Dan is going to think I'm mixed up in… this."

He gestures vaguely at the three of them, and Chris' eyes sharpen like he's spotted prey.

"Oh, so you want Dan to know you're horrendously single, then?" Chris gives Dan a wide, conspiratorial sort of grin. "He's useless at this, you know."

"Me rejecting you doesn't make me useless," Phil huffs. He can feel a flush creeping up his neck, because Chris is more right than he wants to admit, and Dan is smiling back at Chris like they're in on the joke.

"I think it demonstrates a lack of taste," Chris sniffs.

"You know what I think?" Sophie asks, stretching her arms above her head. "I think I need a shower."

"Me too," Dan says with an unnecessary little sigh. Phil pinches his own thigh to circumvent the mental images before they start. It's annoying to have such a good imagination, sometimes. "And I need to take my meds. Is there a bus that runs around here or something?"

"Don't worry about taking the bus," says PJ. "I'll drive you."

"I don't mind," says Dan.

"I mind," says PJ, more firmly. He stands like he's planning on dragging Dan to the car himself if Dan tries to say no again.

Dan's shoulders relax forward. Phil knows the anxiety of riding unfamiliar public transit all too well, and he definitely wouldn't make Dan do something so harrowing after they got roped into ghosthunting. He's glad that PJ is on the same page again, keeping Dan in that sense of protection that being a team gives them.

It's only been a weekend, but Phil is already reluctant to let Dan go home and leave the team bubble. He wants to insist on coming along, but he knows PJ probably wants solitude on the drive back.

Still. Phil chews his lip and looks down at his phone so he doesn't have to see the looks on his friends' faces when he says, "You can keep the pyjamas. If you want them."

"Okay," Dan says softly. "I will, thanks."

He knows that he should look up, should smile at Dan or stand and hug them before they leave his life, but that all feels so big at this moment. Phil's anxiety lets him wave and murmur a goodbye before he's left alone in the basement. At least, he thinks he's alone, until he sighs heavily and Chris responds from the floor. "Oh, you're fucking mooning over him, aren't you? This is awful. I preferred the ghost."

--

Phil takes a shower after his friends have, to be polite, and it feels incredible to wash off the dirt and dust from the attic. It feels less incredible when the door opens.

He hadn't bothered locking it, because his parents' shower is loud and it should be obvious that he's in there. At least the curtain isn't see-through. He takes a moment to just stand under the spray, bewildered, before it occurs to him that he can ask what's going on. It probably isn't a serial killer. "Er, hello?"

"Hi," Chris' voice comes, tense. "We've got a problem."

"I'm a little busy," Phil says pointedly.

"Well, get your hand off your knob and get out here," says Chris. "We need to figure this out before Peej gets back."

Phil rolls his eyes, but doesn't bother arguing about why exactly he's busy. He rinses the last of his mum's conditioner out of his hair and squints at the unfocused, opaque shower curtain like he'll be able to see Chris if he just tries hard enough. "Figure what out, mate?"

"All of the footage is fucked," Chris says, blunt. "It's corrupted to high hell. Every single second. There's no evidence we were even there at all."

[glamrockmonarch]

Folie á Deux (Lucy Boynton Angst/smut)

A/N: this is very angsty and also I am not used to writing girlxgirl smut stuff so give me a break if it is not very spicy, okay?  I also have to announce that I caught a horrible cold and I have tried to get some stuff done but I am just high on paracetamol and antibiotics, dealing with a runny nose and teary eyes. I’m honestly so defeated rn...regardless, please enjoy!

Lucy was mad.

You were talking to Jack all night. Of course, you did not know him at all until that night when part of the cast for Sing Street gathered for dinner. You were in London for work along with Lucy, the two of you doing press for your latest project: a Netflix original series in which you played the roles of best friends going on a journey to discover themselves while trying not to become background noise in the competitive world of beauty pageants. It was crazy to film but the script had you in stitches half the time and in tears the other half. Lucy shared the feeling once the script got to her, and since wrapping for the project you had been even more inseparable than before. 

“So I see you like Jack.” Lucy pointed out as you stepped out of the uber you were sharing to the hotel. 

You scratched your elbow and turned to her with a shrug. 

“He is cute,” you admitted. “I just think I like blonds better.” 

Lucy huffed and looked away from you and through her window. Suddenly your curiosity peaked and you watched your friend with more attention, she crossed her arms over her chest and seemed to look...annoyed? 

No. You knew Lucy too well to fall for it. She was straight up mad. Angry. 

“Oh, what?” You let your hands fall and slap against your legs, exposed by the short dress. “Should I send in a request before I hang out with one of your friends? Dear Lucy, may I, Y/N, spend an hour or so talking to this man.” 

Lucy’s arms wrapped tighter around herself making you roll your eyes without noticing her glancing back at you at that exact moment. 

“Of course, always so dramatic...” Lucy complained. 

“Well, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong then!” You lean forward and feel your h/c hair fall over your shoulders, brushing against your skin.

The car stopped and you stepped out into the street, walking past a few people and entering your hotel together. It did not seem like the right time to pull on Lucy’s hand but that was exactly what you did once the large double doors of the main entrance closed behind you. 

“Luce! Wait up!” Your hand lingered on hers as she turned to face you. 

Both stood at the same height due to the heels you wore. You stared at each other for a moment and it was right then that you saw that burning look on her face. The one you tried to hide from her so badly for years. In her green eyes, you could see that dark speck of jealousy. Lucy was jealous? Of what? 

You found yourself blushing and your friend noticed it, she pulled her hand out of yours and turned to keep walking to the lift. Following her at a slower pace than before, you walked into the shiny metal box that would take you to your floor. 

“It’s...” Lucy pushed her lips together and tried not to pout, although she did it all the time. “I’m probably just being stupid...” 

You pushed the button to your floor, both stayed in rooms that were only a hallway away from each other. 

“If it’s making you this mad, it is not that. Come on!” You urged your friend to talk to you. “Tell me.” 

The lift was left in silence as Lucy pondered the idea of telling you what was really bothering her. She took her precious time, so much so that the doors opened on your floor and revealed a long hallway with doors at each side. You watched her step out in her beautiful pink Miu Miu dress, her short hair pulled halfway up in a messy little platinum bun. 

You had decided that you would wear something more simple for that evening, a flowy blue spaghetti strap dress that went well with a pair of white shoes. You had your hair done that morning to do an interview for BBC Radio One and left your hair in that cute wavy shape it was all day. 

Lucy stopped suddenly at her door and turned to you. 

“I don’t want to make it awkward for the rest of the press tour, so you can just...forget about it.” She nodded a few times as if you could do that. 

“No,” you objected. “It has been like this for a while, why are you so jealous?” 

“Jealous!” Lucy’s eyes opened as wide as they could go, her voice went up a few octaves. “I am not jealous!”

“Yes, yes you are!” You argued. “First with Mazzello, now with Jack!” 

She huffed. 

“You were throwing yourself at Joe...” She muttered. 

You watched her swipe her card on the door lock and pull it open. 

“You know I don’t even like him...” you rolled your eyes, sneaking inside her room before she could push the door closed on your face. “Do you think that I won’t have time for you if I get into a relationship? Is that it?”

Lucy remained quiet for a moment. 

“It’s almost as if you liked me...” you chuckled, thinking of how improbable that was. 

It was odd, but Lucy looked almost hurt. The blonde stopped and put her hand against the back of her arm, her gaze fell on the floor and she swallowed hard to the sound of your bitter laughter. 

All colour left your face and seemed to run down to your legs and feet in preparation to run. Paradoxically enough, you were unable to move. 

“You like me?” You whisper, your voice faltering.  

Lucy mirrored you, standing still her green eyes slowly found your figure still by the door of her small hotel room. She let her arms fall at her sides and stepped to the side, shrugging as she faced you, looking suddenly smaller than she was. 

You opened your mouth to say something but could not bring yourself to find your own voice; half frustrated you closed your mouth and dropped your little purse on a chair near the wall, reaching for your friend with your hands out for her. Lucy grabbed your hands with hesitation and did not dare to lift her head as she hid her pink cheeks from you. 

Without saying a word you stepped closer to her and cupped her cheek, her eyes closed, comforted by the touch of your skin on hers. With a soft move, you made her look up and smiled at her. 

With big round eyes, Lucy examined your expression, not mad and not sad. She felt a twirl of confusion in her chest but it lasted a short second, it was stopped with a sudden touch of your lips on hers. 

Closing your eyes you leaned into Lucy and kissed her bright pink lips, inviting as always. Her lips fit yours perfectly, and her hands pulled you closer now. The two of you brushing lips in a long careless kiss. You tangled your fingers in her hair and felt her hands on your waist, pulling you closer until your chests were pressed against each other. 

“I like you,” you say when you pull away from the kiss, still holding each other. “You have to say it too, Luce”

With her nose pressed to yours, Lucy nodded. 

“I like you.” She admits at last. 

You smile at her and push a strand of hair away from her face. Smiling as well she pulls her hands away from your waist and touches your hair before sliding her arms over your shoulders. 

“I don’t wanna leave now...” You whisper pressing a kiss to Lucy’s cheek. 

Lucy giggles and throws her head back enough to pull away from your lips, only to offer you her lips. 

“Don’t go then.” 

With that, you let go of each other and kick your shoes off. Lucy takes to kissing down your neck as she pushed the straps of your dress off. You reached to your back and pulled the zipper down so you could be set free from the piece. 

You grabbed Lucy’s face gently and brought your lips back on hers as you wrapped your arms around her, finding her own zipper and pulling it down. 

“You are so handsy!” Lucy laughed at your abilities with the zipper. 

Lucy slipped her hand down your butt, so you took the chance to talk back to her. 

“Oh, look who’s talking!” You bite her lip. 

Lucy giggled and plays with your long earring between her fingers. You stepped back and let the dresses fall down and pool around your feet. Standing in front of each other in nothing but panties you are pushed onto the bed by the pale figure of your best friend. 

Falling back on the bed with Lucy on top of you, you laugh and push her hair away, staring into her eyes until the last second as she comes in for a kiss. You finally closed your eyes and felt those soft lips on yours once again, probably by now your lips were a mixture of lipsticks, from her bright pink one and your creamy orange one. The two slid hands down each other’s bodies. 

Soon you rolled on the bed and undid whatever styling there was on Lucy’s hair. You hovered over her body and covered her neck and breasts with kisses. She grabbed handfuls of the sheets once you reached down her stomach, playfully pulling on the waistband of her underwear. Instead of pulling them away, you left the panties in their place and kissed her hipbones, kneeling farther down on the bed you kissed her thighs. Frustrated, Lucy sat up and cupped your chin, kissing your mouth with a new hunger and eagerness you had not felt before, leaning forward into her you sat between her legs and slid your hand inside her underwear, teasing her for a moment as you felt for the wetness already gathering in her panties. 

“Please...?” 

Lucy let her hands cup your cheeks and you nodded, pushing her back on the mattress. You pulled the last piece of clothing off of her body and gave her hipbones a little peck before sliding your tongue over that sensitive nub of hers. taking her in slowly as she moaned with shyness, holding on to the bedsheets around her, you put your tongue to work and ate her out with all you had until she was carelessly whimpering beneath you, you could tell she was coming a moment later, she tried to let you know, but she got lost in it. Her orgasm hit her hard, you watched her back arch and felt her legs shake. She called out your name, only yours, over and over until she came down from her high. 

You left a trail of sloppy open-mouthed kisses on her stomach and chest as she recovered her breath, which she did rather quickly. With a burst of eager laughter, she wrapped her arms around your waist and rolled you over. 

“Your turn!” She sang filled with enthusiasm. 

[earlgreytea68]

SUPER INTENSE AND SCIENTIFIC RANKING OF FALL OUT BOY ALBUMS

I gave all Fall Out Boy songs a rating based on this scale: 

1 – indifferent to this song

2 – like this song

3 – love this song

4 – LOVE this song

5 – FAVORITE

Then I got the average for each album, which left me with this ranking, which frankly surprised me. 

(I took all these track listings from Google. I actually listen to Fall Out Boy endlessly on Shuffle, so I don’t have a good feel for what song goes on what album and in what order. And they’ve got all those bonus songs tucked away in all those deluxe album versions and such, so I just had to...ignore those because this was already more work than I was supposed to be doing on this project, oops.)

#1 - From Under the Cork Tree, with an average of 3.62

This one was unsurprising. Honestly if anything, when I look back at this, I feel like I *under*rated a lot of these songs, so it should have been even more of a winner. 

Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued - 5

Of All the Gin Joints in All the World - 3

Dance, Dance - 4

Sugar, We’re Goin Down - 5

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner - 4

I’ve Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song) - 3

7 Minutes in Heaven (Atavan Halen) - 3

Sophomore Slump or Comeback of the Year - 3

Champagne for My Real Friends, Real Pain for my Sham Friends - 3

I Slept With Someone in Fall Out Boy and All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me - 2

A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More “Touch Me” - 4

Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part to Save the Scene and Stop Going to Shows) - 4

XO – 4

#2 - Save Rock and Roll, 3.55

I was confused by this, as I would not say this is a favorite album, and actually I think there’s a lot of songs on this album that I’m kind of middling toward, but none of the songs do I feel strongly negatively about, so none of them were ranked below a 3, and I think that kept its average high.

The Phoenix - 4

My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up) - 4

Alone Together - 3

Where Did the Party Go - 3

Just One Yesterday - 3

The Mighty Fall - 3

Miss Missing You – 4

Death Valley - 3

Young Volcanoes - 4

Rat a Tat - 3

Save Rock and Roll – 5

#3 - MANIA, 3.5

I definitely would have told you I like MANIA more than Save Rock & Roll, so I blame this ranking entirely on my dislike of Champion. 

Young and Menace - 5

Champion - 1

Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea - 3

HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T - 4

The Last of the Real Ones - 4

Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - 5

Church - 4

Heaven’s Gate - 3

Sunshine Riptide - 2

Bishops Knife Trick - 4

#4 - Folie a Deux, 3.38

I would also have thought Folie would be higher up there, and that makes sense because this album actually has the highest number of highest-ranked songs in it, with three songs ranked at 5, so I think my perception is I really love this album. But I was also surprised how many of the songs on this album are way down in my liking hierarchy. I think I have seen people criticize Folie as being uneven, and I guess my song rankings bear that out. When it’s on, it’s literally my favorite thing ever, but when they miss, I’m bored. 

Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - 5

I Don’t Care - 3

She’s My Winona - 4

America’s Suitehearts - 5

Headfirst Slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet - 3

The (Shipped) Gold Standard - 2

(Coffee’s for Closers) - 4

What a Catch, Donnie - 5

27 - 3

Tiffany Blews - 2

w.a.m.s. - 4

20 Dollar Nose Bleed - 2

West Coast Smoker - 2

#5 - Infinity on High, 3.14

This makes it seem like I don’t like this album, which totally isn’t true, but I’m also not surprised it’s in 5th, because it doesn’t stand out for me as one of my favorites. I really dislike Thnks fr th Mmrs (it’s like the only song I routinely skip forward when it comes up on Shuffle). I did debate increasing the ranking to Hum Hallelujah, and I feel like I should have given it a 5. Sigh. THIS WAS REALLY DIFFICULT. 

Thriller - 2

“The Take Over, the Breaks Over” - 4

“This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race” - 5

I’m Like a Lawyer With the Way I’m Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) - 2

Hum Hallelujah - 4

Golden - 3

Thnks fr th Mmrs - 1

Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am - 3

The (After) Life of the Party - 5

The Carpal Tunnel of Love - 2

Bang the Doldrums - 3

Fame < Infamy - 3

You’re Crashing But You’re No Wave - 4

I’ve Got All This Ringing in My Ears and None on My Fingers – 3

#6 - American Beauty/American Psycho, 2.91

This one didn’t surprise me, this is the album I usually think of as having the highest number of songs I’m indifferent toward. I’m actually surprised Take This to Your Grave ranked below this one. But Take This to Your Grave has a couple of songs I’m even more strongly indifferent toward. (I did not like Uma Thurman when it was a big radio hit and I didn’t know who FOB was, and I still don’t really care for it today, after all this time listening to it. The only reason it’s a 2 and not a 1 is because “I slept in last night’s clothes and tomorrow’s dreams” is a great moment in that song and such a Pete Wentz lyric and it makes me happy to belt it out whenever it comes up.) (Please note also that Fourth of July with its immortal line of “I’m sorry every song’s about you” does basically rank as my favorite lyrics in all of the discography, so this album does have that going for it.)

Irresistible - 4

American Beauty/American Psycho - 3

Centuries - 2

The Kids Aren’t Alright - 4

Uma Thurman - 2

Jet Pack Blues - 2

Novocaine - 2

Fourth of July - 5

Favorite Record - 2

Immortals - 2

Twin Skeleton’s (Hotel in NYC) – 4

#7 - Take This to Your Grave, 2.83

Ugh, I feel like Chicago Is So Two Years Ago should have been given a 5, ugh, LOOK AWAY FROM THESE RANKINGS, I HAVE MADE TOO MANY MISTAKES, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE. 

Tell That Mike He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today - 2

Dead on Arrival - 3

Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy - 5

Saturday - 5

Homesick at Space Camp - 1

Sending Postcards from a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here) - 3

Chicago Is So Two Years Ago - 4

The Pros and Cons of Breathing - 3

Grenade Jumper - 1

Calm Before the Storm - 3

Reinventing the Wheel to Run Myself Over - 2

The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes – 3

[dr-gloom]

Happiest I’ve Ever Been

Muted got some great commentary on my AO3 and it made me feel loved so I’m writing a continuation

Here we go!

Summary: Virgil and Roman have been together for almost three months, but this is the first time they’re meeting in person, and Virgil feels like he’s going to vomit from all the feels. 

Fandom: Sanders’ Sides

Pairing: Prinxiety

Tags/Warnings: some swearing, Human AU, First Official Meeting, I guess?, Trans Character, Trans Virgil

Enjoy!

Read it on AO3

fic masterlist

like what I do? buy me a coffee or GoFundMe

No one in their small friend group had been surprised when Virgil and Roman got together. They’d all smiled and shared a laugh when Patton said, “Bet! Paypal up!” and that was essentially the end of the discussion. The other three just figured Roman and Virgil had a chat after that call and confessed their feelings in some slice-of-life-anime way. Virgil would never actually tell anyone how it happened; he was still embarrassed. 

Logan had been the first to sign off, stating that a proper sleep schedule was essential for a healthy lifestyle before hanging up. The other four had stayed up and chatted for a few more hours. Patton had actually ended up falling asleep on camera while they were all watching Snow White through Thomas’ shared screen, and once the movie was over the remaining three agreed to hang up. Thomas had work in the morning and the other two hadn’t wanted to keep the conversation going with the possibility of Patton waking up and eavesdropping. 

Almost as soon as the call was over, Roman was calling Virgil. Virgil felt his heart leap into his throat as he answered, Roman’s radiant face taking up his screen. At some point during the movie he had changed into his pajamas, a white set that looked like a prince’s outfit. Virgil hugged his black cat head plush to his chest, the heels of his feet resting on the edge of his seat and bringing his knees up to his chest. He waves hesitantly at Roman with a slight smile before resting his chin on his knees. Roman’s smile grew as Virgil appeared on his screen. “Virgil! Good to see you.” Virgil quirked an eyebrow and typed into the chat. His mic was on, but he was suddenly too anxious to speak. 

Emo Nightmare: you literally saw me like, 2 minutes ago

Roman’s smile wanes slightly as Virgil types, and Virgil feels bad. The smile is back in full force soon enough though as Roman replies. “I know that, but now it’s just us! And I actually... want to talk to you about something.” Oh god, here it is. He’s not even totally sure what he’s worried about; he knows Roman isn’t going to take back his friendship, or it would have already happened, right? And... anything else would be a bonus, right? Even if he just wants to ask questions, Virgil would be educating a friend on trans matters. Virgil nods mutely and Roman continues. 

“Well... I’m sure you heard my outburst earlier, judging by everyone’s reactions when I came back to the call...” Virgil turns red at the recent memory, nodding again. “Y-yeah...” When he manages to find his voice, Roman’s smile changes to be something more.... admiring. “Well... Medusa’s hair! Virgil, I have feelings for you. Of... The romantic sort.” Virgil sits there in silence for a moment, each second making Roman’s nervous smile drop a bit more, until Virgil blushes and stutters out a “W-wait, what..?”, immediately grimacing when his voice comes out too high and feminine. 

Roman looks at his lap, uncharacteristically shy. Virgil doesn’t think he’s ever seen Roman like this, and... it’s kind of cute, honestly. Sure, yeah, Roman was always attractive and (dare he say it?) funny, even at his most obnoxious self-assured, but there’s something about the way he glances at the camera uncertainly with a hesitant but excited smile that makes Virgil’s stomach warm. “I do. And I realize this is not the most romantic way to confess one’s feelings - in fact, I had planned this elaborate- not important. The point is, I can no longer stand to keep this to myself, and I understand if you don’t feel the same way, but I had to tell you.” 

Roman looks at Virgil almost expectantly, waiting for a response. Virgil shifts in his chair, setting his feet on the carpet and curling his toes into it to ground himself. “Ah... Well... I maybe... Possibly... Feel the same. But- but don’t get all excited and shit, I mean- not that- dammit, I mean... You’re really far away.” Virgil bit his lip, picking at his cuticles. That was why he’d been so reluctant to talk about this; no matter how either person felt, they were in different states; how could they possibly make it work? Apparently Roman had already considered that. He sits up straighter, gripping the edge of his desk as he leans in with a grin. 

“Ah, but you forget my prince of darkness, we have these video calls! And we can plan times to visit each other. It won’t be as often as either of us would like... But it’s better than nothing.” He nods resolutely, and Virgil can feel his face heating up for a whole different reason. Just the thought that someone cared about him enough to be willing to wait for him, even from another state, and to spend money to see him? It was too much. His eyes burned and he ducked his head down to hide the tears starting to form on his lashes. He never thought this would actually happen to him, not even when he’d first realized he’d liked Roman and he was at his most optimistic. He thought of what it would be like, to talk to Roman every day - which they already do, but this would be different - and be a couple together. To share everything, and plan dates together, and save up money to fly down there or waiting for Roman to fly to him. 

To have Roman in the same room as him, instead of 400 miles away. 

That’s what finally made the tears fall. Virgil’s shoulders start trembling as he imagines what it’d feel like to finally see Roman in front of him, actually in front of him. To touch him and hug him and, god, kiss him. Roman says his name, his tone concerned and uncertain, and when Virgil finally looks up Roman’s expression turns a little panicked. 

“Oh, Virgil! Love, I’m sorry! Please don’t cry, I’m sorry, whatever I said I apologize.” Virgil shakes his head, scrubbing his eyes and smearing his eyeshadow in the process. “It- It’s not that, Princey, I...” He sighs shakily, sniffling, and Roman looks about ready to sell his soul to be able to hug Virgil. “I just... really want you here right now.” He laughs wetly and hides his face in his hands, and Roman makes a sad understanding noise. 

“I do too, Virge. God, I do. We can do this though. I love you.” Virgil didn’t care about the warnings he’d heard growing up, how ‘I love you’ should be reserved for The One, or you’d get your heart broken. How you shouldn’t say it too soon; this wasn’t too soon, not to Virgil. “I- I love you too, Roman.” They both smiled a little shakily at each other, and if Roman had started crying too, well, Virgil didn’t mention it.

They’d been together for almost three months now, and they were easily the best three months of Virgil’s life so far. He was probably the happiest he’d ever been, and everyone could tell. Since unmuting his mic, he’d still been quiet and hesitant to speak up, but a few weeks later he was almost as vocal as his friends, and his smiles came more freely. The others didn’t mention it, almost afraid that if they did Virgil would stop. Roman loved it, and he especially loved the private calls the two would have after everyone else would head off. 

Roman and Virgil spent these private calls planning various dates for when they would meet up, talking about their days (anything that wasn’t shared in the group that is), and talking about the future. Virgil saved up any money that came his way. Hell, he’d even started recycling to save up as much as possible. Roman was the first to get enough money for a plane ticket, and after much arguing it had been decided that Roman would be staying at Virgil’s, because as Virgil said, “Why the fuck would I let you stay at a hotel when this is the first time I’m seeing you in person? I’d be stupid to let you out of my sight.”

And now, Virgil was standing in an airport terminal waiting for Roman’s flight to land with increasing jitters. His stomach was doing somersaults, and any time the voices in his head would start up with their doubts and insecurities, Virgil would put in his earbuds and blast the entire album of Folie A Deux. He nearly jumped out of his skin when his phone vibrated, and he pulled it out to read a new text from Roman, his heartbeat in his ears. 

Ro <3: plane just landed! Prepare to be swept off your feet ;) <3

Virgil didn’t even care that he was smiling like a loon. He jumps out of his seat, taking one glance at the screen of departures and arrivals to confirm that Roman’s plane was in fact here, then he runs to Roman’s terminal. He bounces on the balls of his feet as people start to filter out of the terminal, and for an impossible second he’s afraid he won’t recognize Roman (which is ridiculous, they’d just had a video call last night). He doesn’t have to worry long, though, because soon enough he’s seeing Roman’s red jacket and making eye contact with him before shouting and running right for him.

Other passengers and bystanders rush to get out of Virgil’s way, and when he’s right in front of Roman he stops, throwing his arms around the other and hugging him tightly. He’s here, he’s really here. I can touch him, he’s here. “I’m here Virge. I’m here.” Roman hugs him back just as tightly, burying his face in Virgil’s purple hair. He holds him close, one hand on his back, the other on the back of his head, and Virgil feels so safe and secure and loved. He laughs softly in Roman’s ear, and Roman thinks it’s the most beautiful sound he’s ever heard. 

They break the hug, but they never separate. They hold hands all the way out of the airport, and only let go long enough to load Roman’s bag into the back of Virgil’s shitty camaro and get in, Virgil taking Roman’s hand again as he drives one-handed to his apartment in the middle of town. They park and Virgil takes Roman’s bag, shooting down his protests with “You’re my guest. I’m carrying your bag.” Once they get inside and Virgil’s set the bag down in his room, he turns around to find Roman right in front of him. He opens his mouth to say something, but Roman stops him by cupping his cheeks and pulling him into a kiss. Virgil kisses back, thinking to himself that this is the happiest he’s ever been, but he’d probably be changing his mind plenty in the future. 

A/N: Yep. Virgil had waited at that airport for hours. I know what I said.

I hope this was good! I love cliche meetings tbh

[dnp-and-blankets]

It Could Have Been Perfect

            Chapter One

            Patrick read through the lyrics for possibly the 100th time, and continued to sob. "Pete what is this?" he choked out, grabbing his boyfriend by the wrist as he walked passed the sofa Patrick was sat on. Pete scanned the piece of paper Patrick was holding and flashed an awkward smile. "I wrote it" "I got that much!" "I wrote it for you" "You wrote it for-" "It's a promise. The entire album is" He said sheepishly, turning on his heel and disapearing into his room for a couple seconds before returning with a notepad. "The one you've just read is only part of the promise. I wanted it to be a surprise, when I finished the album, but you might as well read through the rest of the songs, and we can bring it to practice tomorrow?" The elder explained. Patrick only wiped his eyes and nodded. I've got troubled thoughts and a self esteem to match. What kind of promise is that? Although the explanation didn't fully settle Patrick's worries, he stopped crying, and stood up, walking to the kitchen. Maybe some of the British tea his mum had bought him will help him chill out               He filled the kettle. You'll never catch us. He grabbed the box of tea bags from the cupboard and put one in a mug. So just let me be. He put two teaspoons of sugar in his mug and got the milk carton out of the fridge. I'm the one who charmed the one. He picked up the now boiled kettle and poured it in his mug. Who gave up on you. He let it brew for a minute or two before removing the tea bag and mixing in a bit of milk. I will never end up like him. He didn't wait for it to cool down. He picked the hot mug up and sipped it, allowing it to scald his lips and tongue. Behind my back I already am. He dropped the mug and it smashed, spilling the tea all over the floor. What a catch. He slid down the counter and hugged his knees to his chest, not caring that he was now sitting in hot tea. What a catch. He cried so hard no sound came out. He didn't hear the front door open. What a catch. He let out a strained sob. He didn't hear the gasp. What a catch. He coughed and spluttered, and shook with each breathe he took. He didn't hear the brunette shout his name. What a catch.             Patrick continued crying even as he felt himself being lifted off the ground. He didn't open his eyes. He didn't question who was touching him. He didn't return the embrace. He continued to sob as Pete held him close. After almost half an hour of crying whilst sat in Pete's lap as he was practically rocked like a baby, his sobs finally slowed, and he cracked his eyes open, sniffling. "Don't try again please Pete" He begged, his voice scratchy and strained from the crying. "Don't try what again?" His boyfriend questioned with a puzzled expression. "I know a suicide note when I read one!" Patrick yelled, practically jumping from Pete's lap. "It's not even been that long since I broke your gosh darn door down to stop you from killing yourself, don't you dare try it again" His breathing still hadn't calmed down from the crying fit he was still recovering from, and he felt tears threatening to spill over again, "I don't care if it's in song form, I know a suicide note when I read one," He repeated. His voice faltered at the end of his sentence, so his plea was barely a whisper.             Pete stood up and wrapped his arms around Patrick in a bear hug. "Baby, baby, baby," he cooed, "it's not a suicide note, it's a promise that I'm not going to attempt it again." He rubbed soothing circles on Patrick's back until his breathing calmed down. Patrick looked at his boyfriend's hot whiskey eyes, and smiled a pitiful smile, with eyes swollen from the crying, his cheeks flushed and damp, and his bottom lip still quivering, but at least it was a smile. "Do you pinky promise?" He said quietly, averting his gaze. Pete only kissed him softly, and during the kiss, Patrick felt his boyfriend grab his hand and entwine their pinky fingers. He smiled into the kiss.              Patrick went to sleep very early that night, the mental breakdown wiped him completely out. The second his head hit his pillow, he was out. It was good that he slept so early, because they were up at 8am, showering and rushing breakfast to try and make it to band practice in time. Patrick was quite happy and still very nervous over how famous they were getting. Happy because he was getting payed for hanging out with his best friends and doing what he loved pretty much every day. Nervous because it was getting increasingly difficult to hide his and Pete's relationship. The rush of singing love songs about yourself, when you're the only one who knows they're about you, Patrick loves it. But pictures of him being hugged by Pete during concerts were getting around online. People were beginning to question why certain lines fit Patrick and Pete so well. "Peterick" was beginning to trend on Tumblr. And Patrick was beginning to worry. Pete kissed him on the cheek and grabbed his hand and led him out of the house, tearing him from his worried thoughts.              Andy and Joe were already there when they arrived at the run down building they were using for practice. They were just wrapping up the Infinity on High tour (trade baby blues for wide eyed browns was still circling the internet, tagged with peterickisreal) and so Andy was very shocked when Pete threw an album's worth of lyrics on the small desk in the corner of their practice room. It was cluttered with paperwork from tours and merch and other band related things. The room itself wasn't too impressive, but it definitely wasn't shabby. It was big enough for all of their instruments to fit with enough room for Pete to run around and do his thing- whatever that was- and there was also a sofa, a minifridge, and a TV, for when they wanted to take breaks. The walls were a pale brown, and the floors were polished wooden panels.            Patrick read through the lyrics on the drive up to the building, smiling at all the lovely lyrics that were about him. No one could even begin to understand how much he loved Pete. Since the band had first formed he had loved him. And it was times like these, reading through a notebook full of lyrics that were about him, that made him believe that Pete loved him just as much. He suppressed a smile by biting his lip as he watched Andy and Joe read through the notebook. "Christ, Wentz are you ever gonna ask the girl out?" Andy asked with his eyebrows raised. Patrick tried not to look hurt. Pete questioned Andy with a quizzical look, prompting him to explain, "Well the descriptions in your love songs don't really vary much, I figured they were your way of working through your angst of loving some chick, so why not just ask her out?" Pete snorted. Attractive. Patrick restrained from rolling his eyes. "They're not about some chick" He laughed, although Patrick didn't miss the way Pete's eyes didn't crease like they usually do when he laughs, and he definitely didn't miss the way Pete tried to hide the venom in his voice. He smiled. This wasn't just upsetting Patrick.          Andy shoved Pete playfully and winked at Joe, "I call bull," he chuckled. They all grabbed their instruments and began playing around with chords to try and bring Pete's lyrics to life. "Who's Mr Benzedrine?" Joe suddenly questioned, after Patrick had sang the lyrics to the song Pete called 20 Dollar Nose Bleed. "Patrick." Pete replied nonchalantly, not even looking up from fiddling with his bass. "What about Mr Sandman?" Andy chimed in. "Me." He said, finally lifting his eyes from his bass, to meet the questioning gaze of his friends. "There something you not telling us, Pete?" Andy questioned, taking a step towards him and motioning between Pete and Patrick. "I don't know what you're asking" Pete spat. Patrick failed to not look hurt this time. "There!" Joe yelled, pointing at Patrick's solemn face. Pete looked at him and his eyes suddenly filled with worry. Patrick must have looked heartbroken. "Patrick rarely looks that sad, so it can't just be a coincidence that after Pete denies having a thing with him, that he looks devastated." Andy and Joe began taking steps towards the two boys, but Pete stood his ground, shaking the worry out of his expression.          "Then that's 'Trick's fault isn't it? I'm not gay, especially not for him" He said. The words rolled off his tongue so effortlessly, Patrick had to try his best not to run out of the room. "Are you sure? Cause it's not just us that's been noticing things. The fans have too" "For the last time, you jerks, I'm not dating Patrick, and I wouldn't even in my nightmares!" He yelled. Everyone in the room snapped their heads towards Patrick as he let out a sob. Pete tried to mouth "I love you" to calm him down, but Patrick shook his head and began furiously wiping at his eyes, desperately trying not to let the tears spill. Pete looked between his suspicious friends and his heartbroken boyfriend, and cracked. He ran towards Patrick and wrapped him in a hug that was awfully similar to the one he used the night before. Patrick felt Pete lips on his hair, then on his forehead, then on his cheeks, and then finally on his lips. He kissed Pete back, and felt the tears disappear. Andy was the first to speak. "You should have just been honest with us guys. It's not healthy to not tell anyone." He said, his voice laced with concern. Joe nodded, and apologised to the two of them for pushing them. Patrick was beaming. He could hold hands with his boyfriend during practice now. He could finally show him off, albeit only to two people, but that was good enough.  They wrapped up practice a few hours later, and Patrick's smile hadn't faltered once. The entire ride home he was staring at Pete lovingly, and whenever they were at traffic lights, Pete would return the gaze. "I love you" "I love you too"

         Patrick slammed his Macbook Air with such force, he almost worried it was broken. Almost. He flew his bedroom door open with the same fury. They were still touring Folie a Deux, but it was not going well. He stormed into the tiny kitchen their tour bus had. He glared at Pete from who was sat at the table. Andy came over and placed a hand on Patrick's shoulder, "What's up man-" "Don't touch me" Patrick growled, shrugging the hand off him, and maintaining his death stare at his boyfriend. "Babe?" Pete quizzed. "Don't babe me, you, you," Patrick stuttered trying to think of an insult that would have an effect without having to swear- he never did like profanity, even in states like this, "You dry wet wipe!" He yelled. Joe snorted. "Did you just call me useless?" Pete demanded, an irritated look spreading across his face. "Yes. I did. Go check the internet, genius, every single person is questioning us. Madness of two? When we made it clear who Mr Benzedrine and Mr Sandman are? Some of the lyrics?" Everyone in the room was shocked at how livid Patrick was. This was very rare. "People are questioning! Slam your head in a door Pete, you're an idiot!" Patrick screamed the words, then turned on his heel and locked himself in their tiny bathroom.            He didn't speak to anyone in the band for the rest of the tour. He sang the songs, he signed things, he acted happy on stage, but he didn't speak to the band. He was barely even awake at this point. He was on autopilot. Wake up, skip breakfast, sing, meet fans, lunch, sing, meet fans, skip dinner, shower, sleep. He avoided most meals because he didn't even want to look at Pete. He was ashamed for yelling at him, but whenever he went on Tumblr, he was livid again. Pete was getting careless, and he shouldn't be. There was a knock on his door. "Get lost" He growled. They entered anyways. "Babe, you can't keep doing this," Pete said gently, sitting down at the foot of Patrick's weight. Patrick chose to ignore him. "Babe," he tried again, "Babe," he said with more intensity this time, "Babe!" Patrick shot up. "Shut up! I'm not your babe anymore," He spat. The words even hurt him, but it didn't make them any less true to him. He meant it. "What do you want?" "I want to try and save us," Pete said desperately. "There is no us." "I meant-" "There's no band either." An awkward silence followed after Patrick declared the breakups. "Why?" Pete spat. Patrick could tell he was heartbroken, because unlike Patrick, he didn't cry, he got angry. "Why are you suddenly calling this off? We've been dating since 2002, and the band has been since 2001, and you're suddenly not feeling up for it?"           "Because you let your emotions get in the way, Pete!" Patrick was now standing menacingly close to Pete, so he could see how much the words were hitting home. He felt strangely relieved. "Because you had to get so carried away with your own selfish thoughts, that you put the entire band at risk, just to write me a stupid petty promise? You can shove the entire album up your-" Patrick was interrupted by the door opening and Andy entering along with Joe. "What the hell is going on?" They both demanded. "We're breaking up" Pete spat, "and not just me and Patrick. The band." "Yes now can you all leave?" Patrick sighed. Andy left. Joe followed. Pete stayed. "Patrick we were so perfect-" "No, Pete, it could have been perfect. But you got selfish." Patrick's voice was thick, because he was trying not to cry. He lay down back in his bed and covered his face with his duvet. "It could have been perfect," He repeated. Pete left a few seconds later. Everyone on the tour bus heard Patrick crying. Everyone on the tour bus felt Pete punch the walls of his bedroom. No one on the tour bus spoke to each other after that. They were over. Finished. And Patrick was devastated. If only Pete hadn't told the fans that he wrote Folie a Deux for Patrick. Chapter Two