#already feel the need to make an apology post for this

[skyrim-forever]

WIP Wednesday

Hi everyone it's another Wednesday <3 I was tagged by the wonderful @ladytanithia @changelingsandothernonsense @lillxart @theoneandonlysemla

Tagging: @captain-of-silvenar @pocket-vvardvark @dirty-bosmer @bougainvillea-and-saltwater

@umbracirrus @firefly-factory @thequeenofthewinter @lucien-lachance @sanza-17 @hircines-hunter @scholarlyhermit @sulphuricgrin

Was hoping to post some more Vevora/Aicanatr stuff but unfortunately it just ain't working rn but! I was able to get some writing done on a wip that's been sitting around since November. Below is some of my Theomar love confession rewrite <3 Man down so bad he volunteered to go to Windhelm post-Civil War as an excuse to see her <3 <3 <3 Under cut for length, one slightly horny line, and she takes that mer drinking at the Cornerclub :P

There could not be a worse time for him to fall for her, become so entangled in wanting her that it made him desire to abandon his post. But if that were a doable feat, then the standards that made him feel that way would not be as strict as they are. Their deeply grim reality did not stop the love, admitting it to himself had been like a dam bursting; the drops of sustaining professional praise could not compete with the rapids of intimacy. Her hands on his face, letting him lie on her breasts and listen to the calming sound of her heartbeat, how her legs would pull him in closer until he was- Enough. There he went getting too far ahead and wrapped up in her yet again. The sigh heard from him sounds more of a stifled groan to which he gets a confused, yet intrigued look from the Imperial woman. He provides a quick cover up. 

“My apologies, it would seem I let myself get distracted by you again.” 

“Why Commander, you really must get better about that.” No. He had no intention of pushing her from his mind, it had already proven to be a losing battle. He prayed to be freed of her to now welcome the torment, retreating further into her. If had any power in the situation, he would absolutely not be in Windhelm right now, planning how to tell this Imperial soldier that he loved her. “I wouldn’t want you losing sight of things.”

“Oh, I think you would like it very much.” Finally, he remembers her question. “And yes, I did come all this way to see you. You ran through my mind constantly these past months, how could I not take advantage of the opportunity?” 

“I’ve missed you as well.” Controlling the elation he feels is difficult, uptick in his voice.  

“Is that so?”

“I did think about you on occasion.” When? Despite desperately wanting to know, he refrains, content to know she has noticed his absence. “It has been a few months, it is good to see you. Despite the circumstances…” Her words trail off a bit towards the end, the similar look from before only now she does see him. Staring up at him, her left eye twitched as though she would begin crying again.  

“You wouldn’t want to join me somewhere, would you?” Please he thinks. Please let me steal you from them, just a moment Theodora. Tapping her finger to her chin, she smirks at him. 

“Hmmm, I will but only if you join me somewhere first?” Oh What did she have in mind? He assumed she knew the city better than him, maybe there was somewhere else they could go…

“Tell me what do you have in mind?”

“Well, after the day I’ve had, I need a drink.” A quick glance at their surroundings before she taps his chest. “And I imagine you could use one as well.” 

“It would not hurt.” Anything you would like. That is what he wishes to say. Have his only concern making her happy and if there would be something other than mead available. But he has far more worries than that. 

“I cannot imagine the tavern will be a safe place for us.”

“No it would not be.” Confusing the Thalmor, she laughs. “Do you think so lowly of me to think I’d go there?”

“Where do you drink then, Theodora?” 

Regret is not what he feels, sitting at a table that is continuously blasted with cold air as the patrons of this Cornerclub, as it were, shuffle in and out. Offhandedly he wonders if they were passing by him purposely, seeking out more chances to lour at him in the way only Dunmer could. The scowls form the Nords, the shifted glances half outside his vision, those were all too easy to interpret: Damn elf. Uninspired. But the Dunmer, oh the Dunmer could hate with such sincerity that as the few who uttered something in addition to their glares, they did not need to say it in the common tongue. The Dunmeris meaning of the word unknown, their tone alone conveys the intent of an insult. It’s not important for him to know exactly how he is being insulted, though he could harbour a guess or two, simply saying it for their own satisfaction. It was somewhat impressive, in a peculiar way, but nonetheless, Ondolemar is slightly impressed. Perhaps he was just glad to be in the company of mer, regardless of what type of mer they are. Yet what does rouse further intrigue in him, however, is the decidedly lack of similar treatment Theodora receives. 

Ordering in their language and going relatively unnoticed as she returns to him, two strange jars that resemble nothing he had seen before, he comments on it. Not completely surprised as why would she frequent an establishment she was not welcomed in, this is still strangely welcoming. 

“You’re well liked here.” The woman places one jar in from of him before chuckling at his notion. Lovely to hear her laugh again after the pain that marked her face when they first spoke. 

“I wouldn't go that far, Commander.”

“You wouldn’t?” 

“I wouldn’t.” She opens the jar and takes a mouthful. “But speaking Dunmeris, having lived in Morrowind even if only for a few months, it does help. Still an Imperial bastard but I don’t have to pretend to be interested in mead and a poor rendition of the Dragonborn Comes at Candlehearth Hall.” Cyrodiil natives prided themselves on being cosmopolitan but Theodora was a true example of that. 

“Clearly you get along with many different kinds of people.”

“Clearly.” She rolls her eyes. He himself is the most damning evidence after all, but it is humorous her assessment of her person. 

“Well, I suppose Imperial bastard is correct in the most literal sense.”

“I prefer the term love child I’ll have you know.”

"Equally true, from what you have told me." He takes the lid off the concoction in front of him. “What would I be?”

“I suppose you could go ask, I bet Ambarys would be willing to tell you to your face.” Directing his attention to the barkeep with her eyes, the Altmer instead chooses to remain with the reason he’s here at all. Less interested in what he thought of her choice in company and more in enjoying what he came all this way for; her. 

“I believe my imagination will suffice.”

[starshideurfics]

Off the Deep End - part three

part one - part two

steddie, omegaverse, scentmates, high school, poor parental communication

Steve and Eddie are allowed to stay out until 12:30 on New Year’s Eve—long enough to kiss at midnight, say their (Steve’s) goodbyes, and get home.

Eddie already has a decent number of buyers lined up, knows Steve will disappear with Nicole for five minutes when they arrive so they can say how pretty the other looks and get their beers together. It’s one of Steve’s little party rituals, and Eddie is grateful for it. He’ll be using that time to step into whoever’s dad’s study to hand out all his pre-sales.

He’s only got a bit left to sell after that—Rick didn’t have any extra for him—and Eddie goes to find Steve in the kitchen, grabbing his own beer and sliding an arm around his boyfriend’s waist. Then he lets his mind wander a bit as Steve talks about sports until someone turns up the music.

Steve drags him downstairs to dance, working himself up as he works up a sweat. Eddie can smell how needy he is, even over the crush of sweaty bodies and teenage pheromones in the stuffy basement. “You okay, Baby?” Eddie asks in his ear as “Come On Eileen” plays over the speakers.

“Want you ta fuck me,” Steve pants back, pressing tight to Eddie’s body. “Feel empty.”

“Let’s fill you up.” Eddie nips at Steve’s ear and takes his hand, pulling him off to find an empty room.

It takes long enough that they end up upstairs in an en suite bathroom. Eddie locks the door behind them and tugs Steve’s jeans down to his ankles. He waits with his hands on the waistband of Steve’s panties. “Want my tongue or my cock, Stevie?”

“Wan’ yer knot,” Steve slurs, desperate.

“Can’t knot you here, Baby. You know that.” Eddie kisses his cheeks, apologizing with touch. “Probably should keep my cock in my pants.” Steve whines at that. “I know, Honey, I know. Not gonna leave you empty.”

Finally, he pulls down Steve’s panties and guides him to sit on the edge of the tub, kneeling between his spread legs. Eddie starts with his mouth, licking all over, and shoves two fingers into his fluttering hole. Making Steve come is easy for Eddie after all his practice, and he hums around Steve’s little cock as his pussy pulses around his fingers.

Eddie cleans them both up, getting Steve back into his jeans, and holds his cuddly, post-coital omega close.

They post up on a couch, Steve in Eddie’s lap, until Carol Perkins catches Eddie’s eye over Steve’s head.

“Baby, need you to scoot, I gotta piss.”

Steve’s arms wrap tighter around his neck. “Take me with you,” he whines.

“Can’t carry you. I need my hands.”

Steve pouts for a second, then gets distracted when he hears a loud giggle, followed by, “Jason, stop!” come from the kitchen. He goes to investigate, so protective of his fellow omegas, and Eddie’s of half a mind to follow him. But Steve’s able to handle himself, and the sooner he’s done with Perkins, the sooner he can get back to Steve.

But she tries to haggle, offers to let Eddie look at her boobs, “Since Harrington’s barely got any tits,” and before he can tell her to shove it she’s lifted her shirt, showing him pale breasts with puffy, pink areolae.

“What the fuck?”

Eddie panics at the hurt in Steve’s voice, tells Perkins that she and Hagen are cut off, and runs out of the tiny bathroom.

He finds Steve tugging on the door of the bedroom where they left their coats. Obviously, someone locked it to hook up in there and Eddie prays it isn’t on top of their stuff. “Baby, that wasn’t—”

“Don’t fucking ‘Baby’ me!” Steve cries, more hurt than angry. “What the fuck, Eddie?”

“I didn’t want her to do that!”

“Why not? Carol’s got nice tits.” Steve pinches the bridge of his nose.

“I only like your tits, Steve. You have the best tits.”

“Then why were you alone in a bathroom with Carol Perkins?”

“Because I was selling her weed!”

“Why?”

“Because I do that now!” Eddie realizes he’s shouting, he doesn’t want to be shouting. Quieter, he adds, “The money’s good, it doesn’t get in the way of my time at Thatcher… I just…”

“You didn’t want me to know.”

“Your dad is gonna kill me.”

“He doesn’t need to know.”

“Steve.”

“Eddie.”

“I didn’t want to look at Carol’s boobs.”

“I know.”

The sound of the bedroom door unlocking startles them, and Tina Nelson comes out grinning, followed by a sheepish Sam Jankowski.

“I wanna get out of here,” Steve murmurs. “Can we go to the quarry instead?”

“Sure, Baby. Whatever you want.”

Eddie sets an alarm on his watch so he can be sure to kiss Steve at midnight.

💦💦💦

After New Year’s Steve stops accepting invitations to parties. Nicole’s the one who sent Steve looking for Eddie, to find him in a compromising position with Carol. He’s done with it.

Eddie doesn’t even try to convince Steve to give Nicole a second chance. Says taking a break might be good.

But it does mean Eddie needs new places to deal. There’s the picnic table where he and Steve makeout when they cut class. A bench down by Lake Jordan. Skull Rock, where he and Steve go to makeout—and a couple times, to fuck.

But they’re all private enough. Good places to meet customers.

And since Steve only has morning swim practices, he’s there, keeping Eddie company while he waits. Sometimes he does his homework, but he usually has a magazine—one of his mother’s Cosmos—and a Tab cola—also his mother’s. And he looks down his pointed nose at most of Eddie’s buyers.

“Baby, you don’t need to give everyone the stink-eye just because Perkins is a bitch and Nicole is a snake. No one else is stupid enough to try anything,” Eddie says one afternoon at the picnic table, wrapping his arms around Steve’s middle and kissing his neck.

Steve just keeps glaring after Tina.

Once she’s out of sight, Steve turns in Eddie’s arms and kisses his mouth. His hands rest on Eddie’s chest, and Steve slowly drags them down, along with the zip on his jacket.

“Show it to me again,” Steve whispers.

“Baby, it’s freezing out,” Eddie whines, nuzzling at his cheek.

“Puppy, please!”

Steve pouts. He kisses Eddie again. “Wanna see it.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and smiles. “Okay, Baby.” He slides an arm out of his jacket and flannel, rolls up the sleeve of his t-shirt. Still red with irritation is “Stevie” on his right bicep, the i dotted with a heart.

Steve traces a finger gently over it, smiles that secret smile that is just for Eddie, and kisses his neck. “Love you, Puppy.”

“Love you too, Baby. To the moon and back.”

💦💦💦

Eddie takes Steve to his driver’s test on his sixteenth birthday. He passes easily in Wayne’s pickup truck, and Eddie lets him drive wherever he wants afterwards.

Steve drives them all the way to Chicago. They walk around the city holding hands, get hot dogs from a cart.

Eddie drives them home.

He doesn’t drop Steve off at home until after 11:30. His father is waiting up for him. “Your mother and I had no idea where you were,” he starts, voice raised.

“Nothing happened! I’m home safe!” Steve groans, trying to get past him and go upstairs.

“That isn’t good enough, Steven! You know the rules; you aren’t supposed to go anywhere without letting us know.”

“I’m not a pup anymore! I passed my license test, I thought you wanted me to be able to drive myself to school!”

“To school, not all over creation with your trailer trash boyfriend!”

“You promised not to call him that!”

“And you promised to let us know where you went! Christ, Steven! I still don’t know where you’ve been all day.”

“I’m home, it’s fine. Nothing happened, we were just hanging out.” Steve rubs at his eyes. “I’m going to bed.”

“We’re talking in the morning, Steven.”

Talking in the morning means an ultimatum. Steve’s parents already bought him a car; they do want him to be able to drive himself to school, and Richard’s work is going to take him out of town more and more now.

“You want the keys, you’re going on longterm birth control.”

“Mom! What?”

“I want to be able to trust you, Steven. This is how I trust you.”

“I’m being careful,” Steve moans, suddenly sullen.

“It only takes one time, Steven. Especially in your circumstances.” His mother rubs at her eyes, pinches the bridge of her nose. “We want what’s best for you.”

Steve hides his face in his hands. “Mo-om!” he whines.

“I’ve already made the appointment. You’ll get an IUD, and you will not share your heat with anyone—”

“I’m only ever sharing it with Eddie!”

“Not until you’ve graduated, you aren’t!” His dad finishes, face red.

Steve waits a long minute, breathes hard, trying to calm himself. He wishes he were in his nest, surrounded by safe scents. But it feels like he can’t argue this one. “Fine,” he huffs. “When’s the appointment?”

“Tomorrow.”

Steve growls, a pathetic little thing, all his omega throat can manage. “You had this planned! How long have you—”

“Since we bought the car, Steven.” His father pushes himself up and away from the table.

Steve has a feeling it’s been the plan since his presentation… But he’ll do it if it means he can still see Eddie outside of school hours.

The next day Steve drives over to Eddie’s after his appointment, a hot water bottle strapped to his lower abdomen.

💦💦💦

Eddie gets Steve set up on the couch and goes to refill his hot water bottle. “Do you want a Coke or something?” he asks, and Steve moans in response. “That a no?”

“No bubbles.”

“Water?”

“No, just get back in here.”

“Okay!” He dries off the rubber of the bottle and jogs to the couch. Curling around his cramping boyfriend, Eddie sets the bottle back in place, and drops a kiss to Steve’s bonding gland.

“No,” Steve moans again.

Eddie freezes. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“A doctor inserted a T-shaped wire into my uterus without any painkillers,” Steve deadpans. His scent is sharp from more than the pain, but he lets Eddie scoop him into his lap, and turns to seek the alpha’s neck on his own. “Steve, this is more than the cramps, but that’s bullshit about the painkillers.”

“It is. I cried and the nurse said I needed to tough it out… That it would be over soon enough… The doctor just told me to hold still or it would take longer. What a bitch.”

Eddie feels tears against his neck, and he can’t stop the whine that escapes his throat. He tightens his hold around Steve’s chest. “Such a bitch,” he agrees, nuzzling at Steve’s hair.

“But now we don’t need to be as careful…” Eddie murmurs, his mouth dipping lower to kiss below his ear. “Save us money on condoms.”

Scent turning sweet at that, Steve leans back to look Eddie in the eyes. “Oh yeah?” He flashes Eddie his first genuine smile since he arrived.

“Yeah, Baby. I can finally come inside you, get your sweetness all over my knot—”

Steve stops his mouth with kisses, nipping at his lower lip, only to be hit with another cramp. He collapses against Eddie’s chest with a whine. “That’s what I want, when it stops hurting,” he whispers.

“Okay.” Eddie rubs Steve’s back, makes sure the hot water bottle is properly in place, and kisses his cheek. “For now, do you wanna watch TV?”

Steve nods against his shoulder, fingers curling in Eddie’s flannel. He lasts about fifteen minutes before he falls asleep.

It’s gotten dark by the time Steve wakes up, still safely in Eddie’s arms. His belly still aches from the cramps, but the nap helped. “How’re you feeling, Baby?” Eddie asks softly as Steve wriggles in place.

“Better,” Steve hums, pushing himself up. “Gotta pee.”

“Are you hungry now?” Eddie asks. “Or, I guess, do you feel up to eating something?”

“Yeah!” Steve calls from the bathroom, grimacing at the darkness of his piss. He washes his hands and then splashes water on his face, like maybe he’ll absorb some through his skin.

He comes out to Eddie in the kitchen, making the only thing he knows how to make all that well: scrambled eggs. Steve steps in to help, making toast and pouring orange juice into mugs. But eggs take more time, and Steve comes up behind Eddie, arms going around his waist. “This is nice,” Steve murmurs, “Domestic.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah, Puppy. Real nice.”

“It is,” Eddie agrees. He dishes up the eggs, tosses the toast onto the plates, and turns off the burner. “I think there’s some jam in the fridge…”

“I already checked, you’re out. Butter is fine.”

Eddie blushes and carries the plates to the table. Steve follows with their mugs.

Eating together at the table is even more domestic, and Steve feels something warm curl up inside his chest. He wants this all the time, wants everyone to know that he’s got the best alpha.

He stabs at his eggs and mumbles, “Wan’ you to mark me.”

“Pretty sure your dad would actually kill me if I bit you, Baby. And then what’s the point of the IUD?” Eddie returns, knowing exactly what he means.

But he hasn’t made the same leap of logic that Steve has. “More than one way to mark me,” Steve says, hand moving instinctively to cover the now-healed tattoo on Eddie’s arm.

“Pretty sure your dad would kill me for that, too. And your mom would kill me for, I dunno, ‘marring your perfect skin.’”

“They don’t need to know.”

“Steve. How are you gonna hide a tattoo?”

“Make it small… Have it somewhere my swimsuit covers. It’d just be for the two of us.”

“Steve.”

Eddie gives up on talking Steve out of the tattoo idea pretty quickly. He tries to pivot, offering an alternative for the time being. “At least until after your next heat, so you don’t get an infection…”

Steve agrees, pulling down his waistband so Eddie can draw a heart in magic marker over his hip bone, adding an E to the center. Once it dries, he presses a kiss to the mark, promising to redo it once a week.

Purring his pleasure, Steve pulls Eddie to his feet. “Thank you, Puppy.”

[sleepypanda01]

SPOILERS FOR SEASON FINALE/Theories for next season

HUGE SPOILERS FOR THE FINALE. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION (only read after you have read the season finale, you have been warned)

I wanna talk about my theory of Buddy stealing Chase's narratonin this whole time. After re-reading some eps, there are some clues I gathered (This turned out to be a mix of observations put together, some sort of character analysis and a few theories. It also turned out to be very long, so Buckle up!)

I apologize in advance for any mistakes, English is not my first language. I also apologize if people in the past have made similar theories, I would not want to get repetitive, but I have not come across any similar posts so far

Now without any further ado, I am ready to share my super long CB essay.

-First and foremost, we have seen Chase feeling down for getting so little narratonin compared to Deacon and Prunella. If Nox can track Chase in every book, he might be able to steal his narratonin too. Since he is some sort of key, he might not be able to earn it on his own.Αs stated by Silver, only humans are able to earn it. Even if Nox seems to be different from the other keys, he might still be sharing some specific traits with them ( just like how he knows how every story is supposed to go by the time he enters it, which is another trait of the keys).

-When Nox met Chase for the first time,he seemed enraged and was the most aggressive we have ever seen him. After seeing a glimpse of his circumstances in the finale,we can assume that anyone in his shoes would be desperate to achieve their goals. Nox comes off as a perfectionist and control freak and Chase being in the equation obviously wasn't in his initial plans, whatever those were,so I believe his aggressive attitude during their first meeting stemmed from his desperation to take control of the situation.

-When Nox grabs Chase by the collar during their first meeting,he makes sure to take a good look at Silver.Nox knows that the key is merely a symbol around his neck and that the real key is in the real world,that gives me the impression that he was aware of the crack and he wanted to check on Silver’s condition.

-Nox said that Chase was wasting his time and to quote him"after all that and it's just a small weak little thing like you".The way he phrased that showcased two things. Firstly,he hints that he (either directly or indirectly) has been planning carefully towards his intended goal and putting a lot of effort into it,but Chase's presence stands in the way as he doesn't deem him worthy to possess a key. Secondly,it shows that he didn't think that Chase was good enough for whatever job the person who was supposed to find Silver had to do.But, his opinion on Chase seems to change during the toffee break arc when he starts considering him useful. By that moment, it seems that Nox had already been making adjustments to his plans and adding Chase into the equation. This brings me to my next point.

-At first, Nox was really determined to get Chase out of the books,but in the cinderfella arc he was willing to come to an agreement,why the sudden change in attitude? I think that's the point where he started to make adjustments to his plans and decided to add Chase in them without Chase's knowledge.In other words,he decided to use Chase so he could carry on with his plans. Also, Nox never leaves a story first, could it be because there have to be conditions met so he can steal Chase's narratonin? Maybe this is why he insists on Chase following the stories and completing them. He can't earn narratonin on his own, so he needs someone else to complete the story for him. If certain conditions are not met, he can not steal it. This means their bet during that arc could be some sort of way for Nox to test Chase, and see if he is suitable for his plans and whether he can ensure that Chase meets the necessary conditions for Nox to steal the narratonin. This would explain his pensive expression by the end of ep 7. He doesn't seem to want an innocent person to get involved in any of this, which could mean that his aggressive attitude at first could be a mix of desperation to regain control and also an attempt to protect an outsider that has no idea what he got himself into. However,since his attempts to kick Chase out of the books proved to be unsuccessful,he had no choice but to revise his plans and include Chase instead. Ultimately,Chase was a stranger to him and the stakes seemed too high for Nox to show any consideration for Chase. From Nox’s perspective, Chase is an outsider whose intentions Nox found difficult to trust. Nox always made assumptions about Chase,believing him to be incompetent, a quitter and even dishonest and underhanded.It is possible that Nox held onto these beliefs as if he wanted to create a narrative in which Chase was not a good person, convincing himself to adhere to this perspective while not wanting to give Chase the chance to prove him wrong.

-Back in the beach boys arc,I think that at the time when Nox was hypnotising info out of Chase, it was for his own personal purposes and not because someone in a higher rank forced him to do so. First of all, if a magical, evil organisation had lost some of their precious artifacts, you would think they would put more effort into getting them back.Especially if they knew that two keys are actively being used by two young boys. If Nox was Indeed an agent sent to retrieve the keys,he sure would not be the best one at his job as he not only doesn't show results,but he actually lets the boys use the keys despite his threatening attitude,which means that Nox is operating on his own with the help of Violet and presumably the aid of other keys(?). Thus, ex libris doesn't know that Nox is going into books and a part of Nox does seem to want Chase to continue with the stories so he can fulfill his plans. For the reasons mentioned above,I think when Buddy tried to get info out of Chase in that arc, it wasn't because he was forced and, we also know that he personally wouldn't be able to go where Chase lives (not when he is smaller than the chocolate bars he likes to eat),but it was because of his own curiosity about Chase (cause he was starting to warm up to him a bit at that point) and probably in order to shake off any possible guilt he might have felt about using Chase. His goal was to convince himself that Chase was indeed like any other human he has met before— selfish,a liar and manipulative and he wanted to convince himself that if given the chance,Chase would also use him,but Chase keeps proving him the opposite,slowly changing Nox’s view on the world cause he teaches him that there can be honesty, there can be kindness, there can be selflessness.

- Now I previously said that Nox is most likely not forced to work for Ex Libris,but he did mention that there is an old man that shouldn't notice that there is something missing. That gives us two pieces of information. 1) Even if Nox is not under constant supervision,he isn't free either.2)I assume that what's missing is not only Silver (and some other keys, but I will get back to that later),but also the ripped page that was within the book that Chase found, because the comic cuts off to a panel of a book with a ripped page back in ep 3. It is impossible that Nox was the one that put Silver and the page in the library, unless he can control his height and is allowed outside which I doubt, cause what would be the point of all this,then? Still, the book was obviously put there on purpose by someone and even had the words "read me" as if meant to capture one's attention.It was most likely a sign for someone to recognise it and take it.But who? All I can think of is that either Nox, or someone in a similar situation as Nox,had the chance to get in contact with someone of the outside world that could help them, cause if the person that was meant to find Silver was someone within the organisation ,why would they need instructions on how the keys work?Nox seems to know plenty about the keys and I assume anyone in the same situation as him would too(or it could be because Violet shared all the information she has about the keys). This crosses out the theory of that person being part of the organisation and leaves us with the assumption that the person intended to find Silver was either an outsider, or someone with limited knowledge of the keys and the organisation. This theory gives me the chance to talk about the flyers about the keys that are all over the town. I doubt that it is Ex Libris, though it is a possibility,but if it was Indeed them behind the flyers, why do they look for a set of missing keys and not mention the exact number of the keys that are missing? Maybe because the person that posted the flyers doesn't know how many keys there are, maybe it is someone with limited knowledge that would need instructions on how to use the keys.That makes me think that the person that posted the flyers is the person that was supposed to find Silver (and maybe other keys as well), but they were late as someone else had already found them.After that, they put up flyers with rewards in hopes to find the keys.As the reward seems to be high,we could assume that this person is rich and might have some sort of power which is why their help would be of use to Nox.

-Finally, concerning the old man I have the following theory. I personally think that ex libris is not an active organisation anymore. It might have faded away over the years and that old man that Nox mentioned is perhaps a descendant of a high ranking member that discovered its archives and rebuilt it or is attempting to rebuild it on his own terms. In dreams by night, we see Nox dressed as if he's a captive trying to escape. This leads me to think that the old man from whom Nox is trying to run away,in his attempt to rebuild the organisation, established some kind of institution as a front—perhaps an orphanage or a facility meant to help kids and young adults without homes or families to turn to. Such a set-up would make it easier to exploit them without anyone noticing or searching for them. I feel that Nox likely grew up in this newly established organisation, having no family of his own, which explains why he knows so much about the keys and ex Libris,as well why he is now wary of others.His trust was likely betrayed when a place meant to help him turned out to be using him.The theory that the organisation is no longer active can be supported by the fact that when Silver awoke,she didn't seem to recognise the style clothing from today's era (unless ex libris had some sort of dress code to enhance the cult like Vibe—which I understand, cause if I was running an evil organisation I would totally have a dress code) or any of the technologies (But this could also be because the keys were too restricted). Additionally,the book shown in ep 3 (I think), from which a page is missing,is likely the same ripped page that explains how the keys work. This suggests the book might be a set of records intended for future use,as members of ex libris would already know how to use the keys. Also,as mentioned above,Nox and violet are not shown to be strictly supervised. An organisation with the profile of Ex Libris wouldn't go too long without using the keys or allowing them to be awake, which means that the old man's priorities may lie somewhere else for the time being instead of using the keys or even tracking them.There's a possibility he hasn't noticed that Silver is missing or maybe he doesn't care enough to try and retrieve her. If we accept the theory of ex libris being inactive for years,it would be logical if some keys were lost over those years and it would be too hard to find them now,so the old man instead of looking for them is trying to replace the missing ones by experimenting on humans (Nox's case? He seems to be a replacement for the villain key)

-Before I reach my final point, I wanna talk about ‘’Dreams by night’’ because it has been on my mind A LOT.When Nox looks at the mirror, he sees his own reflection with an expression that seems both surprised and contemplative,as if he is summoning courage.This could signify that Nox is presenting a facade or some sort of persona to survive,implying that his current self is not who he is supposed or wants to be. He desires to leave this part of himself behind and change. This idea is reinforced when he picks up a clock, determined to break the mirror.However, then he  notices that the reflection has changed—it is now Chase.This could symbolise that, in order to escape, Nox feels he has to use Chase, which explains his guilty look and apologetic behaviour.Alternatively, Nox seeing Chase in the mirror could indicate that he sees Chase as a reflection of himself, or rather as someone onto whom he projects his own shortcomings/perception of himself (it is not uncommon for people in dysfunctional environments to see themselves in a bad light). Now Nox is forced to face an uncomfortable truth about himself as Chase’s presence could be bringing to light suppressed feelings and emotions.At the same time, Chase’s reflection could represent someone that Nox aspires/wishes to be— someone who lives freely, enjoys a normal life and has the luxury of being a kind and genuine person without any ulterior motives. Chase is a person who is authentic, like an open book. He is not restricted or forced to put up a front. This could be the kind of traits Nox would want to have had he not been in the situation he is. To achieve his desired life,Nox realises he has to break the mirror,but he is also aware that doing so will end up hurting Chase in the process of fulfilling his wish.However, on a more positive note, since Punko mentioned in her creator’s note that dreams are not always what they seem,the destruction of the mirror might foreshadow the collapse of Nox’s villainous persona, allowing him to transform into his desired version of himself. Chase might serve as the catalyst of this change,pushing Nox toward a positive change.

- Last but not least, when it comes to the keys we know for sure that some of them have gone missing. What bothers me is Silver's crack back in the beginning of the story and why Nox seems to be replacing the villain key. We have seen that keys can suffer damages if a book is destroyed or in the process of being destroyed. Maybe something went wrong the last time Silver and the original villain key were in a book and as a result, Silver was cracked, while the villain key was damaged beyond repair, which is why Nox is replacing him.  In the ‘’still waters’’ arc, Nox said ‘’I have never seen it attempted on a damaged book’’ to Chase’s question of whether completing the story would get them out. This leaves room to interpret that he has seen keys being stuck in a damaged book before. (The original villain key and possibly Silver as I mentioned which is why he checked her condition upon his first meeting with Chase).

It is also noteworthy that when Chase found Silver, she was not rusty like Bronze and Goldie. Does the rusty condition of Bronze and Goldie suggest that they have been lost for a longer time than Silver? On the other hand, if we accept the theory that that one time Bronze visited a book ,Nox appeared and decided to leave the book in fear of being recognised when he saw Bronze was the one who entered, it could mean that Bronze and Goldie know Nox, so there is also a chance they were not lost a long time ago after all. What seems to be true is that someone intended for Silver to be found, while Bronze and Goldie were probably lost/scattered. Maybe someone wanted to prevent an abuse of power and prevent a wish from being made, so they stole some keys since all 12 need to be present for a wish.

Long theory less long,I think Nox is a captive in a shady organisation run by the old man he mentioned. This new group somehow discovered Ex Libris and what they used to do with the keys, so now they want to use magical items for their own purposes by experimenting on other humans. In an attempt to escape, Nox came up with a plan involving Silver and Violet, but things didn't go as planned cause he would not have guessed that on a random summer day, Chase would stumble upon Silver in a dull library,giving him the opportunity for a miracle to save his mom,all while being completely unaware of the chaos unfolding behind the scenes. Also, in ‘’dreams by night’’ the image of Nox breaking the mirror, where Chase’s reflection appears and it causes him to apologise, could also be a metaphor for Nox using Chase and stealing his narratonin in order to escape.This is why we see Nox passing through the mirror after shattering it, because he has no choice but to use Chase so he can be free and he feels guilty about it.However, now he seems reluctant to carry on with his plans as he realised his feelings for Chase.It is also heavily implied that Chase makes his motivation of turning back into a human stronger, so he might need to have a change of plans in order to avoid hurting Chase. (It is a nice parallel of trust between Nox and Chase, as this time it is Nox who needs to prove his trust in Chase. He was recently hurt that Chase kept a secret from him,but now it seems he will be the one to reveal a secret he has been keeping and I feel Silver’s letter to Violet will play a role in that).

This is just a theory, a Cinderella boy theory… ( that could turn out to be a total bunch of nonsense, but it was still fun to write). if you read this far, thank you so much for your time, here’s a virtual cake-> 🧁 to thank you for sticking this long!

[diaryofageekgirl]

Cross-posting my meta/ranting from the Helluva Boss subreddit. Originally posted June 22, 2024 (here):

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I love both Stolas and Blitzø. I'm super invested in this relationship. Both of them made mistakes, but both of them are also coming from places of trauma and previous fucked up interpersonal relationships. That being said, I don't really feel the need to point out how Blitzø fucked up, because so much of the fandom is so biased towards Stolas that everyone is already well aware of that part of the problem. I'm also very aware of the fact that Stolas has grown significantly as a character, but sometimes people in the audience forget the difference between what WE know, and what the CHARACTERS know. Now that that's out of the way...

Oh my god, THANK YOU. There was one particular line in Apology Tour that stuck out to me, especially because Blitzø's reaction wasn't what I hoped it would be.

Stolas: "I don't look down on you! How many times do I ha- when have I ever?!"

Oh, I don't know dude, maybe the entire first season?!

Episode 1: refers to Blitzø as "my little imp" during the phone call (using his bottom-of-the-hierarchy species as a cute pet name is..... bad. It's bad). Also just fully ignores the fact that Blitzø tells him that it's not a good time, that he doesn't understand what he's saying (more than once!) and clearly just agrees to the deal in order to deal with the more pressing issue of being shot at.

Episode 2: CONSTANTLY flirts with Blitzø using incredibly sexual language throughout the episode, even when Blitzø repeatedly tells him that he doesn't want to be flirted with while he's working. (That's not even going into how he completely ignores Octavia's emotions/reactions to what's going on around her and just focuses on himself and what he thinks is a good idea in the moment. That's two for two on episodes where his stunning lack of self-awareness shines through).

Isn't in episode 3 or 4. Though I will take a second to acknowledge one line in episode 3 - when Blitzø charges into the room and challenges Verosika and her crew, one of the succubi says "Is this little imp boy starting a demon duel?" Yet another example of imps being treated as lesser by other demons.

Episode 5: The constant heavy-handed flirting in public, again, even though Blitzø repeatedly tells him not to, again. On top of that, there's the "itty bitty imps like yourself" comment that he makes to Blitzø while in bed, and not even a minute later, tells him in cutesy UWU baby talk that he's "sowwy his cwients wiw have to wait" - not taking Blitzø or his work seriously. And, of course, we get Striker telling Blitzø that Stolas treats him like a plaything.....

Episode 6: ......aaaaaand the very next episode has Stolas literally calling Blitzø his "impish little plaything". Side note, but I feel like most discussions about Stolitz's dynamic and the imbalance present in it focuses on this line in particular, but not the rest of his behaviour throughout the whole first season. He is constantly making aggressively sexual comments, oftentimes right after being asked or told not to by Blitzø, sometimes after being told more than once.

Episode 7, he's actually fine. Hiding his face when Ozzie singles him out isn't great, but he had just been publicly embarrassed, and if you watch in the background, he does get up from the table (likely about to try to help Blitzø) right at the end of Verosika's bit, before he's interrupted by Asmodeus. And while I'm certain he really did just want to "talk, or watch a movie, or cuddle", I can also see how easy it would be for Blitzø to interpret that as him asking to Netflix and Chill, as it were.

(Also, not a major thing, but having a little plush imp doll as a kid (as seen in S2E1) feels.....really weird, to me? Like I know most posts on SocMed and reactions on YT just see it as cute, and I'm probably reading too much into it, and I know that IRL toy dolls and stuffed dolls of people are a common thing, but just the idea of a prince having a plush doll of a low-class citizen feels really bad. A literal plaything, if you will.)

Season 2, Episode 2: Not much, but even though they had a tiny bit of a fight (if you can even call it that) after Ozzie's, and even though they haven't been communicating super well, and even though he's concerned about finding Octavia, Stolas still finds an opportunity to make a sexual comment towards Blitzø.

Season 2, Episode 4: Ohhhhhhhhhh my god, I never even used to be mad about this, but the way that it got brought up in Apology Tour made me pissed. Stolas now getting upset about Blitzø not coming to rescue him when Striker kidnapped him? Telling him that he "couldn't even be bothered to come help me"? Fuck. Off. With. That. As a father of a daughter himself, you'd think that Stolas would be sympathetic to the fact that Blitzø was trying to help out his own daughter in that scene, especially considering that he had to wait 5 fucking years for a mandatory medical procedure. Of fucking course he's not going to skip out on that! And just the way he responds to that:

Stolas: Oh, ha, ha. Well, I do agree that is very important...But, I-

(and then he's cut off by Striker). I urge anyone and everyone to go rewatch that bit of the episode, because his tone of voice is just so dismissive. Like, "yes, yes, that's nice, now drop everything and come rescue me, which is more important". And that's before he even realizes that he's in serious danger!!!

Like, I'm sorry, but where the fuck does he get off getting mad at Blitzø for "always making it about sex"? Blitzø has only ever reacted to the sexual advances that Stolas was putting out - even from the very first hook-up, Stolas just assumed that Blitzø was there to seduce him, and Blitzø just went along with it as a way to distract him while he stole the book. He agreed to the transactional fucking in episode 1 while he was being shot at and was trying to get Stolas off his back. He's expressed annoyance towards Stolas' sexual advances in episodes 2 and 5 of season 1. And now suddenly it's Blitzø that makes it all about sex?!

And what do you mean, "How many times do I ha-" Have to what, buddy? Tell him that you see him as an equal? You haven't done that yet. Tell him that you love him? You did that whole conversation in pretty much the exact wrong order and shut down when he didn't react like you imagined in your head. Tell him that you think highly of him? You haven't done that. Not directly to him, not where he could hear, not before the end of that argument, right before forcibly teleporting him away from you, which, y'know, just reinforces Blitzø's earlier comment about treating him like one of his butlers, and how he "can't just dismiss [him]."

He may not have ever actively viewed Blitzø as inferior to him, but there's a LOT of internalized classism going on that I'm not sure he's even aware of.

(continued in a later comment):

One thing I'd like to add to all of 👆 that: I mentioned a bit about other people in Hell talking down to imps, but one thing I forgot to talk about is how Stolas himself views imps that aren't Blitzø. Quick list (entirely from memory):

Refers to Millie and Moxxie as "you littler ones" in Loo-Loo Land

Refers to I.M.P. collectively as "you little creatures" in Truth Seekers

The generally condescending and dismissive way he talks to the imps of the Wrath Ring in Harvest Moon Festival - if I'm remembering correctly, he also refers to them as little! Like I get it, he's crazy tall, but we all know that's not the only way to interpret that comment.

3.5 Since Stolas (and a big chunk of the fandom) went ahead and compared Blitzø's comments to Striker's, I'm gonna do the same to him! Those comments are so reminiscent of Striker saying "you little things ain't worth the clean-up" to Moxxie and Millie, also from Harvest Moon Festival.

4. Picking up, forcefully squeezing, and swinging around his imp butler while he was mad during his phone call with Stella in Seeing Stars. I'm not saying that he's abusive towards his staff, or anything like that - just that the very fact that he did it at all seemed to be totally subconscious, which in turn suggests that he doesn't realize how demeaning that is.

5. Actually, now that I think about it - the fact that he's so upset that specifically Blitzø didn't rescue him in Western Energy. The main reason he's alive and not bleeding out in the bottom of a mine shaft is because Millie and Moxxie showed up, and they only knew to go there and help him because Blitzø told them/they were there during the phone call. Like, does he even know their names? Is he even grateful that they helped? We don't know!

I saw someone in another thread say that he was essentially at the equivalent of the "I'm not racist, I don't even see colour!" stage of racism, and I completely agree. He doesn't realize all of these internalized prejudices he has, but they are ABSOLUTELY there.

(comment on another thread, building off of the comments I made about s2e4, originally posted July 7, 2024):

Also, a few other points to build off of this & respond to other comments on this thread:

"But he didn't tell Stolas about the first time, and the Carmine-crafted gun that Striker had that can kill royal demons" - You mean the one that Moxxie took from him and still has in his possession at the end of Harvest Moon Festival? The one that Moxxie was shocked that Striker even managed to get his hands on? Remember, I.M.P. didn't know that Striker was working for anyone; logically, that means they would have assumed that he got the weapon entirely on his own, and something like that is both rare and expensive - imps don't typically "make it big" in Hell, and I can't imagine a powerful Overlord would be thrilled to give a weapon that could kill them to someone so far below them in status. With them taking it from him and keeping it at the end of the episode, it means that they would assume that he's no longer a serious threat. They had no way of knowing he was being bankrolled by a royal, with access to three more angelic weapons (two pistols and a knife) (four if you count the rope as well).

"Stolas: You knew someone was trying to assassinate me?" Uhhhhh, yeah? You were there for Loo-Loo Land, dude, you know that people are trying to assassinate you, like all the time. This isn't news in any way - and yes, Striker is generally more dangerous than any of the assassins that we saw in that episode, it still doesn't change the fact that you're already well aware that being rich and royal puts a target on your back. This is really unfair to get upset with Blitzø for. (I'm aware that this is an argument and sometimes you bring up unfair accusations in arguments and both of them were very heated and I shouldn't have to plaster every comment about this episode and this relationship with disclaimers that I'm not hating anyone, just expressing frustration.)

[hauntedhokage]

“Don’t look at them, look at me.” With Rin?

I'm so soft for this one holy shit. I love soft Rin.

Also I headcanon that Rin is very anxious so there’s that.

Rin always skipped the events that required a lot of press or cameras in his face. His soccer wasn’t about publicity, it didn’t make him the best in the world, but this would be different. Any event hosted by any national soccer association had a mandatory attendance requirement. You had to be sick or unable to walk to get excused from going; Rin was neither, but this time he decided that he didn’t want to suffer through it alone and would actually use his plus one invitation.

“I don’t get an out anymore?” had been your teasing response, something that had him sighing with a comment that he needed you this time.

You learn why when you get there, learning that there was only one available entrance to the venue and it was also a media free-for-all complete with a red carpet. Rin hated the cameras and the questions that get yelled at him from a distance, he even avoided the camera post-game press conferences and interviews whenever he could, so this had to push his anxiety through the roof. He wouldn’t show it, wouldn’t mention it to you until he felt it was safe to do so, but the way he grips your waist when the long walk to the door starts tells you everything you needed to know - he was in the middle of shark infested waters and you were the cage keeping him safe.

“Rin! How do you feel about your next showdown with your brother?”

That was coming up, but you didn’t think the time to ask about it was when you were heading into a charity banquet. But you supposed a story was a story, even when Rin wasn’t going to give them a quote to run with besides a curt “no comment” before he’s guiding you along. The grip on your waist grows tighter, but yet enough to hurt but enough to tell you he was already done. But that’s why you were there, perhaps not the intended purpose but your purpose all the same.

“Don’t look at them, look at me.”

“The whole point is to look at them,” he mumbles back, voice quiet enough that you barely hear him over the chatter and questions being yelled at him.

“Trust me.” You mutter through your teeth, smiling when someone asked you to look at them for a photo and leaning into Rin more. With luck your additional warmth at his side would ground him for the next twenty yards until you were safe behind the doors. “Focus on me.”

You make it, just barely by Rin’s standards, but the deep breath he takes brings your own relief as you match it. But his hand does rub your side where he’d held you tight, a whispered apology that is brushed off as unnecessary as your own hands cup his cheeks.

“Gonna be okay?”

“After a drink.”

[spookymoody928]

Another PSA For The ROTTMNT Fandom:

Hi guys, I know I already did one of these kinds of posts but I feel like I need to make another one so that I can actually get my point across, because SOME OF YOU are being hella stubborn and keep coming up with dumb excuses about it, so please take a look at this post and read through the whole thing. Thank you.

1.) FICTION. AFFECTS. REALITY. It doesn’t matter if a character is fictional or not, it’s not an excuse to do weird/nasty shit with them, ESPECIALLY IF IT’S A MINOR/YOUNGER CHARACTER. It’s super messed up and you clearly don’t have a good mindset at all if you think that it’s okay to do weird/nasty stuff with Fictional Characters, especially the Rise Of The TMNT Characters. So STOP BEING WEIRD/NASTY. It’s not that hard to be a normal human being and realize that what you’re doing is wrong (AKA Sexualizing the characters/Minor characters, drawing NSFW/Suggestive Art of the Minor characters, etc).

2.) None of the Rise Of The TMNT Characters have any sort of romantic feelings for anyone in the show, and that’s obviously not a major plot point in the show, which is completely fine, because in all honesty it doesn’t have to be. The show focuses on family dynamics/issues and that’s what makes the show unique compared to the other TMNT iterations, especially the 2012 TMNT iteration (honestly the TMNT 2012 iteration was hella messed up in terms of romance I’m not gonna lie). And if you’re gonna make an OC that’s just gonna be a romantic interest for one of the characters then it’s kinda pointless to even have an OC like that since the show doesn’t have any romantic themes (NOT EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE REVOLVED AROUND ROMANCE, IT’S OVERRATED and some of you have a very weird idea of what Romance is for some god awful reason).

3.) If you’re following any problematic ROTTMNT Artists and you don’t know or realize that you are (or maybe you do and just don’t care), then I’ll put a list down below with proof of what they did so that you can unfollow them if need be (also if I forgot any then let me know and I’ll update this post and put them in here as well and I got most of this info from someone else btw):

• Donagotchi/Don-or-goober/Goobygnarp - Defending harassment and proshippers/interacting/friends/mutuals with proshippers. Withholding information about an individual he thought was dangerous due to following proshippers (which had since been resolved) and only coming out about it when someone drew fanart of their oc with his on a sketch page (both ocs were shipped with donnie).

• Pinetreevillain - Harassing minors, drawing aged up nsfw, showing cropped nsfw to minors, agreeing with proshipping values. making a whole document to call out a minor who had called him out for previous things, causing them to be harassed and threatened. He did not apologize, he did not amend this mistake.

• Pasteilian - Made many posts sending harassment to a minor, supporting PineTreeVillian and nsfw of minors (both aged up and uhhh), proship nuetral. Fostered a community of proshippers ready to attack anyone who is against it, including minors. Draws really suggestive shit of the turtles??? imo (This also goes for Donagotchi and Pines friends), Proship neutral. Was apart of Pinetrees harassment of a minor. Sexualises the turtles (minors). Gaslighting behaviour.

• InkyGeek - known tcester and is a groomer (primarily of Notjustdragons/turtles).

• Beebopurr - Strange behavior towards others (hyper aggressive). Breaking peoples boundaries. Also ships Rise AprilNardo, which is a Proship.

• Pegibruno / his supporters - interacted with a minor/s in such a way they ended up being desensitized to NSFW of minors/proship content. Has made nsfw of the turtles.

• TheColinStein - Supports tcest, has said/sent inappropriate things/images about tmnt in his server full of minors, doxxed another user, endangering their safety, stealing art and merchandise to sell/raffle off.

• Mousie - Is a Tcester/draws NSFW of minors.

• Stasik - Is a Tcester/draws NSFW of minors.

• PouringTheArtJuicys - Is a Tcester/draws NSFW of minors.

• Leeseechkeens - Is a Tcester/draws NSFW of minors. Was also apparently groomed by the previous 3 artists that I mentioned above this artist to draw NSFW of the Turtles/Minors.

• Donathan - Draws NSFW/Suggestive Art of the turtles, who are Minors.

[gemma-nye]

I should call her

[lloydfrontera]

wait lmao what I didn't know there was such a skip. I'm sorry this is comedy to me. so you're telling me they have this crazy ass dimension-jumping shenanigans with Javier tearing up as he finally finds Lloyd, his best friend, the most important person in his life, while it's a mutual statement for the both of them, and then we get no dialogue. and skip to Lloyd getting shoved into a hetero romance with no build up. sorry I can't believe this is real. this sounds like a joke and I choose to treat is as such. this is the most hilarious ending and the marriage now feels even more out of place hdufiskaoa9o

OH MY FUCKING GOD RIGHT?!?!?!! it is weird isn't it???? i'm not being crazy for feeling like it's a weird ass choice??? i felt like i was going insane!! i swear to god i felt like i was being gaslighted when i read it!!! there was no way that was the ending!! there was no way that ch 401 ended with one of the most romantic and heartfelt scenes i have ever read and then the next chapter just????? did a time skip where none of that was acknowledged and lloyd was just fucking married off to alicia??? completely off-screen if i may add!

i made a post about it before but i simply need to rant all over again oh my god

general warning for spoilers because i'm about to dissect the entire novel through a llojavi lens

AGAIN. SPOILERS WARNING FOR THE ENDING OF TGED.

i literally cannot express how much of a mid fuck it is when you realize that lloyd and javier's relationship is very much Thee Slowburn of tged. like. this is an indisputable fact. even if you don't think there's anything romantic between them, which, holy fuck that's such a fucking reach one must be really be in denial to not see it but whatever, even then you simply cannot argue that their relationship isn't the most important one in the entire story.

javier is the very first person lloyd talks to in the first chapter. he's the first person that welcomes him into his new life. he's the one he has to work the hardest to endear himself to. he's the one he spends the most time with. he's the one that follows him around literally everywhere he goes.

from the very beginning their relationship is given a special attention that few other things get in the plot.

through the entire story we get constant moments of them getting to know each other as people and getting closer as a result. they're constantly in each other's thoughts, which is very natural as they're in each other's company almost 24/7. it is actually hard to find a chapter where they not talking to each other or at the very least together. i cannot emphasize enough how,,, enmeshed and entangled they are with one another as characters. i mean it when i say they are a set do not separate them.

it takes lloyd 222 chapters to even admit to himself that javier is his friend and that he wants to keep him safe not because he's the protagonist of the story or useful to him or anything like that but simply because he cares for him and doesn't want him to die. because, and i quote, 'he thought he'd always be with javier for the rest of his life. just like now, he thought they'd spend all their time together moving forward. and like they always did, they'd be by each other's side during hard times. happy moments. relaxed days. they'd share all these moments as they exchanged insults and corny jokes, growing old as a lazy lord of a fiefdom and his knight. lloyd always thought so. the thought just came naturally, without much effort from him, much like breathing. lloyd believed that javier would always remain by his side as that was how it had been until now.' (ch222) <- actual textual quote. btw. if you even care.

and then. it takes javier 320 chapters, a hundred chapters more, to realize that he cares about lloyd much more than a knight cares about his lord's son. because he, and once again i quote, 'is [his] true master in [his] heart. lloyd was his friend. and now, javier wanted to protect lloyd. he would sincerely protect him with everything he had.' <- this is, if i may add some context, said as javier is fighting against a goddamn angel, literally heaven's will, to protect lloyd. after figuring out lloyd is a fake. that he's been lying to javier for several years about almost everything including who he is. and yet. this is what javier feels for him.

they are the definition of a slowburn. it takes them this long to even admit they are friends. and this is with us getting to see them together almost every chapter of the way. we get to see every step of the way. we see their relationship develop with all manner of detail.

and then. when you think you cannot get even more dramatic about them. guess what the major conflict of the plot is. guess fucking what the last obstacle for the story to get a happy ending is.

let me set the scene for you:

lloyd has just finished the jewel of truth, the artifact that will get him the answer he seeks on how to stop the restoration of fate, how he can stop destiny from making the original events of the novel come true and destroy everything he has worked and kill everyone he loves. he has javier at his side, who rushed to join him underwater to make sure he was safe and sound while using it, and he can't help but fondly think how lucky he is to have javier, who is loyal and true and has never abandoned him.

a quote of lloyd's thoughts in this scene:

That’s why, you bastard. I’m going to take care of you until the very end. Once I, your wise and older friend, solve the restoration of destiny problem, you’re going to enjoy the rest of your life by my side in peace. [...] He smiled at Javier and thought to himself. You’re my only friend, Javier. I couldn’t have overcome all the obstacles in front of me without your help. So, my trustworthy and reliable comrade, stick with me until I become a lazy lord and you become my personal guard. I hope we will be able to grow old together… -ch 327

as you can see. he's once again planning on spending the rest of his life with javier. canonically. not even an interpretation this is straight up textual i cannot emphasize enough

and then. the jewel of truth gives him the answer. how to stop the restoration of fate. it's very easy. very simple solution in fact.

either lloyd or javier have to die or otherwise vanish from existence.

that's it. there can only be one protagonist in the world and because of everything lloyd has done he's now being acknowledged by fate as the protagonist of the story along with javier. which cannot stand.

so that's the only thing stopping lloyd from getting his happy ending. he just,,, has to either kill his best friend or kill himself.

let me rephrase this from a narrative perspective: the major conflict of the story is now lloyd facing either the choice of letting everything he's achieved and everyone he loves be destroyed. losing his best friend, the person he cares the most about and has been developing an extremely close relationship through the entire plot. or dying himself.

lloyd of course then spends the rest of the plot trying to find a way to avoid having to die. that's literally what the rest of the novel is about. lloyd trying by all means possible seeking a way to not having to die. because at no point, does he ever consider letting javier die in his place even an option. he doesn't want to die of course, but he never saw javier sacrificing himself as the solution to that problem.

the entire conflict of the last part of the novel is lloyd finding a way for him and javier to be able to remain together without either of them having to sacrifice their lives for the other.

he doesn't succeed.

they end up in a battle down in hell where both of them try to give for one another leading to this absolutely delightful parallel

so fucking tasty oh my god i still go crazy when i see this set of illustrations actually

lloyd wins btw. he gets to sacrifice his life for javier. to javier's absolute heartbreak.

but lloyd doesn't die. he does end up stuck in korea tho, a place he would've rather died than go back to, so he has that going on for him. he's back in his goshiwon, absolutely heartbroken and without knowing what to do.

and then we end up with that scene. javier at his doorstep, having crossed dimensions, tearing up as he sees him and tells him how much he's missed him, looking at him with this face:

now. let's pause here. let's take a moment. take in everything i've just explained. everything that has happened to get to this point.

be honest with me. what would you say is the most natural way the story can progress from here.

take into account all that i have recounted and that i skipped so many other things of the same nature so we wouldn't be here all day.

what do you as a reader would expect to happen next

well, i'll tell you:

cut to black we're now an unspecified amount of time later lloyd has already had all the important conversations we've been waiting to see the entire time off screen and is now preparing himself for his wedding to alicia that we will also not get to see by the way

and you know what the funniest thing is. you know what is the cherry on top.

fucking guess who's the last person we see him talk with.

guess who's the person he ends the novel sharing a smile with.

yeah. Yeah.

i really don't know what else to say. i don't know how else to explain how insane this feels. how incredibly dissonant it comes across. i don't want to use the worse gaslighting like this but it's the closest word i can find to describe what it feels like. i feel like i'm being told something is happening when i can see with my own eyes it is not. or rather that i'm seeing something happen and i'm being told that no it is not and that i'm making it up.

i don't know what bk moon was going for. i really don't. especially when this is what he has to say about chapter 401 aka the chapter with javier coming to find lloyd in korea

clearly he feels very strongly about this scene too. it's the one he's been wanting to show the most, he must have analyzed it from every angle possible, must have put special care to get across what he wanted to convey with it.

so why does it feel like the last true chapter of the novel is meant to,,, undercut the feeling of it?? it almost feels as if the last chapter is telling us 'yeah yeah those two are extremely devoted to each other and would and have given their lives for one another and plan on growing old at each other's sides but don't worry :) it's nothing more than them being pals :) just two guys being really good friends :) see, lloyd is even getting married to a woman that's his real happy ending he's not gay or anything :)'

and this is not me saying that two friends cannot be devoted to each other. absolutely not of course friends can love each other platonically and that be more than enough to justify their devotion to one another.

but. it feels weird when the entire novel is dedicated to building up the relationship between lloyd and javier, taking so much time to make us really feel like their relationship is growing at a realistic pace, take almost 3/4 of the novel to even make them come to terms with how much they care for one another, spend actual years following their development,,, and then make lloyd just marry someone else. someone the novel really didn't spend enough time with to justify him developing feels for her.

this is not a diss against alicia i have nothing against her i just don't... buy that lloyd developed romantic feelings for her. much less that he acted on them that easily.

this is a man who took 222 chapters and several years in-universe to even accept that javier, the person he spent all day with, with whom he spoke almost every single day, who he had risked his life for and had been saved by several times at that point, was even his friend.

and now i'm expected to believe he's in love with someone else who, by comparison, he meets a couple of times and spends a little amount of time with.

well. i don't! it's not in character, it wasn't properly built up in the text and truthfully they don't have enough chemistry to make up for it.

i don't know what happened there. i don't know why bk moon decided to add a romance when the novel didn't need it. i don't know why he chose to make it happen between two characters that didn't have a relationship as deep as the one he spent the entire novel building up and promoting as the most important one. which may i add was between his two protagonists. y'know. the ones the novel is supposed to be centered around.

i don't know. i don't know what happened. i don't know if it was censorship, last minute panic, fear of opposition or rejection or actual obliviousness to what he had written looked like, i simply do not know.

i really hope it wasn't homophobia tho that would absolutely suck lmao

but uh. yeah. i do think the ending is very funny when you put it like that askhdsjkfds

[st4rstudent]

i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.

No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.

Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.

Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.

Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).

[angelsdean]

ruthlessly deleting old 2021/2022 posts (not by me) from my dean studies tag like *click* un-incorporating that from my beliefs system! also the way SO many posts have me like ok uh-huh good aaand then say one completely wrong thing that loses me. it's so many posts.

[voiceshearingyouloud]

Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

[aquaredhomestuckau]

i just got a question on my main and it made me realize i dont think ive ever clarified so im gonna make a general fun fact post :

none of the swaps are perfectly 1:1 !! this isnt a perfect swap au ok !!! nobodies being replaced !! theyre jsut kinda moved over a bit ! no existing character truly goes anywhere ! ( unless i havent thought of fhem yet !! ) if that makes sense

weird paradox duplicate species-swapped characters are just piled onto the mix of rhis crazy cast of characters it makes sense to keep

the only characters that are truly swapped out **i believe** are the original felt ( because why would they be there … too busy horoscoping it up in here ) , again could be more characters i havent thought of yet ! gcat and bec switch places just like as a regular switcheroo i felt silly sorry , doc scratch standin currently is complicated , dont ask abt snowman , blah blah blah , if im forgetting someone rest in pieces ill think about them later im bound to

[izzy-b-hands]

I know it's probably just a part of restarting the lamotrigine, but. holy fuck does it have me short on spoons and patience and. Everything mentally today lmao

[revengesworn]

so i know i asked you all if i should post about the ending but in the end I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, I'M SORRY, tr ending discussion under the cut

as a summary of my previous thoughts on the ending... my number one problem with it has always been the lack of an explanation for how mikey/takemichi managed to leap back in time together. to me, this makes it seem like they just got lucky that the leap worked at all, which ruins the theme of "you shouldn't take on your burdens alone/rely on your friends a little."

the reason it ruins it is because it comes across as like... mikey was right to push everyone away, because when he finally gave into his impulses and trusted takemichi like he told him to, he LITERALLY KILLED TAKEMICHI. and it was seemingly just luck that they both managed to go back??

i have, however, had thoughts since then which make the ending work a bit more for me personally. mostly, that the reason the curse was broken/they were able to go back was still ultimately a direct result of mikey deciding to trust takemichi/breaking the mindset of "i have to take everything on alone." specifically, in part because he trusted takemichi to save him and "gave into" the dark impulses, but mostly because in the moment takemichi was dying, he begged him to come back. basically he was asking takemichi for help; asking him to prove his beliefs right - that mikey should and can rely on others, and that it's okay to do so. basically i'm trying to help the ending to make thematic sense (to me), is the idea.

now... that's interpretation of the final leap is kind of a stretch. and not really stated or implied in canon, unfortunately. BUT i do think there's some symbolism to support it, like the heavy emphasis placed on mikey's tears that are implied to play a reason in why the leap worked (at least that's what it looked like to me??). mikey has been set up as a character who believes that crying is weakness, so seeing him openly cry represents the shedding of that belief/being willing to ask for help.

but anyway i've said all this before, so what are my new thoughts? well, not much tbh WHOOPS but in the past, i interpreted the dark impulses as being a result of not the curse on shinichiro/karma directly - the punishment for THAT was shinichiro's death at kazutora's hands. instead, mikey's DI are more a circumstantial result of him having been dead in the previous timeline.

and also in the past, i said that the DI appear due to his desire to not rely on others, and are therefore broken when he admits he needs help. i still hold to that, but now i also really like the idea of like... they also come about as a result of him believing he doesn't deserve to be saved, & that he can't be saved?? and therefore it's not just him admitting he needs help that breaks the curse - but also him admitting that he wants to be saved at all. maybe even coming to believe that he deserves it, or at least that he wants a future with everyone.

after all, he DID technically manage to save everyone (but himself) in the bonten timeline. it's not just that he needs help because he can't save everyone by himself. it's also that he needs help so that he can save himself, too, and that he deserves to be a part of that happy future he created for everyone as well.

does that... make sense?? at all?? lmao i feel like it's a meaningful distinction a bit, but idk if i phrased it in a way that makes that clear or that is indeed coherent at all. regardless though. those are my ending headcanons. but god i wish wakui implied all this a little more than what we got KSJFHDSKF

[meejijis]

I hate cancel culture