#allosexual aro

[entropy-sea-system]

Sexuromantic

An arospec term that can refer to experiences such as:

-Not being able to differentiate romantic attraction from sexual attraction, in an aro or arospec way

-Only experiencing romantic attraction after sexual attraction

-Not being able to differentiate between sexual and romantic attraction due to neurodivergence

-Being unsure if you experience romantic attraction and not being able to separate your romantic and sexual attraction

Flag:

The pinks and reds represent sexuality and romance, and the green and teal represent the aro spectrum. Yellow/cream was to better combine the colors into a gradient

Aka the ruby-throated hummingbird flag/hummingbird flag due to the colors

(-Rift)

[solvynessa-solvynessin]

Say it with me, everyone.

ARO DOES NOT EQUAL ACE.

ACE DOES NOT EQUAL ARO.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE BOTH. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE THE SAME.

AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL ARE DIFFERENT, AND SHOULD BE RESPECTED AS SUCH.

edit: holy shit, this post has gotten so popular it's getting aphobia notes! thanks y'all

[our-aro-experience]

“we need more ‘weird’ queers!”

you can’t even handle aroallos

[aromantic-allosexual]

aromanticism deserves to be celebrated outside of the context of asexuality.

aromanticism deserves to be accepted and discussed without even mentioning asexuality.

aromantic allosexuality deserves to be celebrated.

aromanticism, on its own, with nothing else added, is fucking awesome.

[pansyboybloom]

there's nothing wrong with being a man and wanting to sleep with men and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer men are sex-crazed. there's nothing wrong with being a woman and wanting to sleep with women and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer women are predatory. being alloaro doesn't make you a derogatory stereotype. you deserve respect, no matter what

[theirishmossman]

“We need more aro people” not only can you not handle a cishet aromantic man, but neither can you even handle any kind of masc aligned aromantic person who is attracted to women or fem aligned people. Can we be serious please.

[thatqueergarbagerat]

Aromantic allosexual guy here. Friendly reminder that my attraction to women isn't predatory or immoral, and I'm not a misogynistic fuckboy for just existing. Thank you for your time <2

[bloomshroomz]

Aroallos are often treated as inherently "more sexual" than other allosexuals. Here's why that assumption happens, and why it's bullshit.

Relationships are often treated as inherently hierarchical and strictly defined, due to amatonormativity and a-spec erasure. It usually goes something like this:

You can't have sex without romance. Sex is "dirty" and needs to be "balanced out" or "justified" with romance. Sex is exclusively physically stimulating, and therefore shallow, unless done in emotional service to romance.

Wanting to have sex with people outside of a romantic context is seen as "using" people, inherently. You're "using" them for their body, because you "don't care enough" to love them romantically. Your desires are deemed to be inherently predatory.

You can't have romance without sex. Romance needs to be "justified" with sex, otherwise it's "just platonic."

Wanting romance without sex is seen as "failing" your partner.

Sex and romance are to happen exclusively between two people.

Romantic relationships are more important than all other relationships, except for maybe family. And remember, sex is strictly confined to romance, which therefore means that sex is also more important than nonsexual/nonromantic connection.

Friendships are always less important than romance, and therefore, less important than sex as well. They exist at the bottom of the hierarchy. That's why we have phrases like "more than friends" to describe romance.

In other words, sex = romance, and sex/romance > friendship.

When you take away the romantic elements, you're left with this:

Romance is no longer there to "balance out/justify" the sex, making the sex apparently "more sexual" and "more dirty" and "less emotional" than it would be if it were romantic.

Your sexual desires are deemed inherently predatory.

Sex takes precedent over friendship and nonromantic emotional intimacy in the original hierarchy. Therefore, sex must take precedent over all forms of emotional connection if you're interested in sex without romance, and sex also cannot spark emotional stimulation or connection on its own.

Due to the previous points, you get reduced to a largely "physical" creature, with few or no emotional needs or desires. You are also assumed to disregard the emotional needs and desires of others.

Friendships are still less important than sex. So, even if your friends are the people you're having sex with, it's implied that you don't care about your friends, and you only value them for their bodies. Sex is an insult to your friendships.

Of course, this is bullshit. All of these "rules" are bullshit.

This is how it actually works:

You can have sex without romance. Sex is not "dirty" does not need to be "balanced out" or "justified" by romance. Sex can be emotionally stimulating and fulfilling without romance (though it doesn't have to be, and that's also fine).

There is nothing predatory about having sexual desires/intent without romantic desires/intent. There is nothing predatory about having sex outside of romance, so long as everyone consents.

You can have romance without sex. Romance does not need to be "justified" via sex.

You are not "failing" your partner by not wanting to have sex. You might be sexually incompatible if sex is something they want, but that is not "failure" on anyone's part.

Sex and romance can happen between as many people as you like, as long as everyone is on the same page about things.

Romantic relationships, as well as familial relationships, are not inherently more important than any other type of relationship.

Friendships are not inherently less important than other types of relationships. There is no inherent hierarchy.

Sex is not an insult to friendship. Having sex with your friends does not mean you only value them for their body.

Wanting sex without romance does not inherently mean that sex takes precedent over everything else. For some people, it does, and that's fine. But that's not usually the case, and it should not be assumed to be the case.

Quoting some stuff from myself and others:

People tend to assume that aroallos are always hypersexual, or always loveless, or always prioritize sex above all else when it comes to their relationships with people. And all of those things are valid experiences, but they don't apply to me personally. I've been trying to put it into words... People think that a lack of romantic attraction necessitates an amplified sexual attraction. Like just because I'm aro, I must be "more sexual" than other allosexual people. It seems like people think sexuality has to be "balanced out" with romance. But I'm not particularly sexual; I'm just not ace. [...] there's nothing wrong with prioritizing or emphasizing sexuality. But that's not an inherent aspect of being aroallo, and it doesn't describe me personally. The primary purpose of my relationships is emotional connection. Sex is just a cool thing that I may or may not do with people.

- Myself [Feb. 1, 2024]

I hate that when I announce that I'm aro, but not ace, people are like "yes fuck nasty I respect it 😏😏" like okay girl sure I do that but do you think I don't experience longing for human connection ? You heard non/aromantic and thought "wow, you must be so good with one night stands no emotional attachment whatsoever". Like no, I still (and you're not gonna believe this guys) care about the people I may or may not sleep with ?? Hello ??

- max-nicoxposts [June 4, 2024]

Alloaro culture is always being expected to either be asexual or hypersexual; nuance was something meant for others I suppose.

- Anon [May 28, 2024]

Aroalo culture is someone assuming I'm ace when I say I'm aro, and when I say I'm actually aro and bi they react with "so you're just a predator"

- Anon [May 27, 2024]

there's nothing wrong with being a man and wanting to sleep with men and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer men are sex-crazed. there's nothing wrong with being a woman and wanting to sleep with women and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer women are predatory. being alloaro doesn't make you a derogatory stereotype. you deserve respect, no matter what

- pansyboybloom [Jan. 16, 2024]

So much of the arophobia directed towards aromantic heterosexual men seems to be rooted in willful ignorance about what aromanticism actually is and how allosexual aromanticism differs from sexual objectification. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction towards others. That’s it. It isn’t the same as sending unsolicited dick picks to strangers or reducing women to their bodies. When a misogynistic man disregards a woman’s personhood in favor of treating her as a sexual object, it isn’t because he doesn’t experience romantic attraction to women. It’s because he chooses not to value women as people.

- heartless-aro [Dec. 30, 2023] [I highly recommend reading the full post. I only included one section here due to length.]

and if you're aromantic, you also have to be asexual. because sex without romance is immoral and dirty and abusive. and every aroallo is an invader who's trying to destroy your perfect, pure, sex-negative aspec community. if an aromantic is not asexual, they are not a valid aromantic. if you've ever found yourself wondering why aplatonics and aroallos alike have their own small communities instead of just being a part of the wider aspec community, this is why. you drove us away. and your acceptence of aromanticism is still entirely conditional.

- thermodynamic-comedian [May 29, 2024] [also recommend reading the full post]

[faggotstump]

Happy pride to every single alloaro out there btw

[kuromi-hoemie]

ngl it does really annoy me when everyone accepts “ace people don't have sex” as the baseline assumption instead of ace people just not experiencing sexual attraction.

you can still have sex but be driven by different reasons, like to me it is a kind of affection and way to hang out with people that is influenced by the relationship we have with each other. i can think people are pretty to look at with or without their clothes without sexual attraction in the mix.

when i see something full of ppl assuming ace people don't have sex i always want to jump on it and be annoying like MEEEE I'M ACE PEOPLE WHO HAS SEX, WE EXIST WE EXIST STOP ASSUMING WE DON'T THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO STRAIGHT UP WILL NOT DATE OR BE INTERESTED IN ACE PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THIS MISCONCEPTION AND WE E X I S T.

stop!!!! assuming ace people do not have sex!!!!!!!! if you don't know then ask if it's appropriate!!!!!!!!!!! stop thinking about it in a binary you either do or don't have sex kind of way!!!!!! this is fundamentally off!!!!!!!!!!!! if you are ace you do not have sexual ATTRACTION!!!!!!!!!!!

as to how we feel about and handle sex, that varies person to person but sex favorable aces are a lot more common than you'd think. hell, figuring out I'm ace was the hardest thing to figure out about myself because all i ever saw people talk about was whether you have sex or not. I'm sure there's a lot more people who haven't figured it out for this same reason, and let me tell you it's hard to know you're missing a whole ass type of attraction when you've never experienced it before and didn't know it was missing to begin with!!

ace is not synonymous with sexless. aces who don't have sex don't speak for me, and y'all gotta stop letting them be the only face of the community. there are More Of Us, it is All Of Us.

accepting that baseline at face value leaves you uninformed and it's frustrating to see this over and over again. challenge yourself to do better and try understanding ace people more.

[drh3nryj3kyll]

shoutout to aromantics who don't exactly or always fit into the asexual experiences or aren't asexual because most of the aromantic content is always tied to asexuality and that gets tiring. I love you guys

[thereallyreallylatebird]

In light of the recent discourse, I would like to say that if you think that cisgender heterosexual aromantic men aren't queer, or are somehow inherently predatory,

YOU CAN FUCK OFF.

[monstrousparalysis]

Fuck it, on this Valentine's Day, here's a post devoted to every single aromantic who fits the negative stereotypes!

Every aroallo, no matter what other labels they use!

Loveless aromantics, especially ones who are loud about not feeling love and refuse to listen to the countless "but what about"s!

Aromantics who don't feel other, even more "universal" attractions, like platonic or familial ones!

Aromantics who lack empathy, who are "cold", who prefer logic over emotion!

Nonhuman aromantics, especially the loveless ones, for whom "Love is what makes us human" is a dismissal in both directions!

Aromantics with trauma, trust issues, or fears of intimacy!

And of course: the aromantics with personality disorders, especially the narcissistic or antisocial aromantics!

If you meet one or more of the above criteria, you are entitled to keep being who the fuck you are and to do so with pride!

Arophobia is not our fault, it is the fault of the arophobes who use our image to justify attacking others. We are hurting nobody just by existing as we are.

No matter what you want in terms of relationships, be that friends with benefits, queerplatonic partners, multiple partners, or no partners at all, ever, I hope you get it!

[lobularia-maritimum]

normalize intimate sex between friends. not as a gateway to a grand romance and not as an overly casual one-night-stand-oopsie-experiment but as an intentional manifestation of platonic affection.

also because my friends are hot as shit and sex is fun

edit: removed my request to not tag as ace/aroace. i originally wrote it from a specifically alloaro perspective and still mean it that way but i don’t want to exclude ace people who might relate

[confused-canid]

Lowkey wish I could scroll the aro tag and not be bombarded with the

This post contains filtered content! #ace #asexual #Ace pride

Lke. I don't just wanna have to go to the aroallo tag chat. And can you at least be sure to talk about being aro a little? Instead of "My experiences with being asexual:" and never mentioning being aro?? Please??

And I don't wanna report It for being spam because that feels mean but. AAOOUGHHHHHH

[miloway]

Not my video, from kallimaraki on tiktok