#allosexual aro

[solvynessa-solvynessin]

Say it with me, everyone.

ARO DOES NOT EQUAL ACE.

ACE DOES NOT EQUAL ARO.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE BOTH. THAT DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE THE SAME.

AROMANTIC AND ASEXUAL ARE DIFFERENT, AND SHOULD BE RESPECTED AS SUCH.

edit: holy shit, this post has gotten so popular it's getting aphobia notes! thanks y'all

[our-aro-experience]

“we need more ‘weird’ queers!”

you can’t even handle aroallos

[denerturee]

Get in the car if you are asexual aroace or aromantic

[jerseyd0g]

kind of super hate how much the aromantic identity is conflated with asexual BTW if you think you might be aromantic you do not have to be ace also they don't really have anything to do with eachother

[fallen-daughter]

Shout out to aroallo transfems btw. I never see anyone talk about y'all and how the usual hatred towards aroallos is multiplied by a million for you.

To all aroallo transfems:

You are not dangerous or perverted for desiring sex without romance.

You are not a bad person for desiring sex without romance.

You are allowed to want sex without romance.

There is nothing "wrong" with you.

You are not "broken" or "dirty" for your romantic and sexual identities.

I care about you and I want you here. I want you in my community. I want to make this place comfortable for you. I want you to be happy. I will do everything I can to make sure the spaces I share with you are welcoming.

[i-suggest-aro]

aromanticism deserves to be celebrated outside of the context of asexuality.

aromanticism deserves to be accepted and discussed without even mentioning asexuality.

aromantic allosexuality deserves to be celebrated.

aromanticism, on its own, with nothing else added, is fucking awesome.

[irish-agender-moss]

“We need more aro people” not only can you not handle a cishet aromantic man, but neither can you even handle any kind of masc aligned aromantic person who is attracted to women or fem aligned people. Can we be serious please.

[bloomshroomz]

Aroallos are often treated as inherently "more sexual" than other allosexuals. Here's why that assumption happens, and why it's bullshit.

Relationships are often treated as inherently hierarchical and strictly defined, due to amatonormativity and a-spec erasure. It usually goes something like this:

You can't have sex without romance. Sex is "dirty" and needs to be "balanced out" or "justified" with romance. Sex is exclusively physically stimulating, and therefore shallow, unless done in emotional service to romance.

Wanting to have sex with people outside of a romantic context is seen as "using" people, inherently. You're "using" them for their body, because you "don't care enough" to love them romantically. Your desires are deemed to be inherently predatory.

You can't have romance without sex. Romance needs to be "justified" with sex, otherwise it's "just platonic."

Wanting romance without sex is seen as "failing" your partner.

Sex and romance are to happen exclusively between two people.

Romantic relationships are more important than all other relationships, except for maybe family. And remember, sex is strictly confined to romance, which therefore means that sex is also more important than nonsexual/nonromantic connection.

Friendships are always less important than romance, and therefore, less important than sex as well. They exist at the bottom of the hierarchy. That's why we have phrases like "more than friends" to describe romance.

In other words, sex = romance, and sex/romance > friendship.

When you take away the romantic elements, you're left with this:

Romance is no longer there to "balance out/justify" the sex, making the sex apparently "more sexual" and "more dirty" and "less emotional" than it would be if it were romantic.

Your sexual desires are deemed inherently predatory.

Sex takes precedent over friendship and nonromantic emotional intimacy in the original hierarchy. Therefore, sex must take precedent over all forms of emotional connection if you're interested in sex without romance, and sex also cannot spark emotional stimulation or connection on its own.

Due to the previous points, you get reduced to a largely "physical" creature, with few or no emotional needs or desires. You are also assumed to disregard the emotional needs and desires of others.

Friendships are still less important than sex. So, even if your friends are the people you're having sex with, it's implied that you don't care about your friends, and you only value them for their bodies. Sex is an insult to your friendships.

Of course, this is bullshit. All of these "rules" are bullshit.

This is how it actually works:

You can have sex without romance. Sex is not "dirty" does not need to be "balanced out" or "justified" by romance. Sex can be emotionally stimulating and fulfilling without romance (though it doesn't have to be, and that's also fine).

There is nothing predatory about having sexual desires/intent without romantic desires/intent. There is nothing predatory about having sex outside of romance, so long as everyone consents.

You can have romance without sex. Romance does not need to be "justified" via sex.

You are not "failing" your partner by not wanting to have sex. You might be sexually incompatible if sex is something they want, but that is not "failure" on anyone's part.

Sex and romance can happen between as many people as you like, as long as everyone is on the same page about things.

Romantic relationships, as well as familial relationships, are not inherently more important than any other type of relationship.

Friendships are not inherently less important than other types of relationships. There is no inherent hierarchy.

Sex is not an insult to friendship. Having sex with your friends does not mean you only value them for their body.

Wanting sex without romance does not inherently mean that sex takes precedent over everything else. For some people, it does, and that's fine. But that's not usually the case, and it should not be assumed to be the case.

Quoting some stuff from myself and others:

People tend to assume that aroallos are always hypersexual, or always loveless, or always prioritize sex above all else when it comes to their relationships with people. And all of those things are valid experiences, but they don't apply to me personally. I've been trying to put it into words... People think that a lack of romantic attraction necessitates an amplified sexual attraction. Like just because I'm aro, I must be "more sexual" than other allosexual people. It seems like people think sexuality has to be "balanced out" with romance. But I'm not particularly sexual; I'm just not ace. [...] there's nothing wrong with prioritizing or emphasizing sexuality. But that's not an inherent aspect of being aroallo, and it doesn't describe me personally. The primary purpose of my relationships is emotional connection. Sex is just a cool thing that I may or may not do with people.

- Myself [Feb. 1, 2024]

I hate that when I announce that I'm aro, but not ace, people are like "yes fuck nasty I respect it 😏😏" like okay girl sure I do that but do you think I don't experience longing for human connection ? You heard non/aromantic and thought "wow, you must be so good with one night stands no emotional attachment whatsoever". Like no, I still (and you're not gonna believe this guys) care about the people I may or may not sleep with ?? Hello ??

- max-nicoxposts [June 4, 2024]

Alloaro culture is always being expected to either be asexual or hypersexual; nuance was something meant for others I suppose.

- Anon [May 28, 2024]

Aroalo culture is someone assuming I'm ace when I say I'm aro, and when I say I'm actually aro and bi they react with "so you're just a predator"

- Anon [May 27, 2024]

there's nothing wrong with being a man and wanting to sleep with men and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer men are sex-crazed. there's nothing wrong with being a woman and wanting to sleep with women and not date them. it doesn't make you proof queer women are predatory. being alloaro doesn't make you a derogatory stereotype. you deserve respect, no matter what

- pansyboybloom [Jan. 16, 2024]

So much of the arophobia directed towards aromantic heterosexual men seems to be rooted in willful ignorance about what aromanticism actually is and how allosexual aromanticism differs from sexual objectification. Aromanticism is experiencing little to no romantic attraction towards others. That’s it. It isn’t the same as sending unsolicited dick picks to strangers or reducing women to their bodies. When a misogynistic man disregards a woman’s personhood in favor of treating her as a sexual object, it isn’t because he doesn’t experience romantic attraction to women. It’s because he chooses not to value women as people.

- heartless-aro [Dec. 30, 2023] [I highly recommend reading the full post. I only included one section here due to length.]

and if you're aromantic, you also have to be asexual. because sex without romance is immoral and dirty and abusive. and every aroallo is an invader who's trying to destroy your perfect, pure, sex-negative aspec community. if an aromantic is not asexual, they are not a valid aromantic. if you've ever found yourself wondering why aplatonics and aroallos alike have their own small communities instead of just being a part of the wider aspec community, this is why. you drove us away. and your acceptence of aromanticism is still entirely conditional.

- thermodynamic-comedian [May 29, 2024] [also recommend reading the full post]

[papercranesandpride]

There are different kinds of aro people. Some are perfectly happy to do romantic relationships. Some absolutely cannot stand the idea that anyone might even think they're in one. And then there's me, who just messaged my FWB asking if I can tell my landlord she's my girlfriend so I can use her mold allergy as a reason why no, he cannot just paint over the black mold in my apartment, he needs to actually do something about it. If I'm going to live in a society where romantic relationships are taken uniquely seriously? Well, I have absolutely no problem lying

[faggotstump]

Happy pride to every single alloaro out there btw

[tator---tot]

As someone who is aroallo I find it interesting (in a negative way) that everytime a non-canonically aspec character says something that either implies or states they aren't interested in romance, a relationship, or so on people default to headcanoning them as aroace, never aroallo, or just aro, or some other aromantic identity that isn't asexual.

Like... they didn't mention sex at all? They didn't say they weren't interested in that? It's fine to headcanon them as asexual but so many of these people are saying that whatever they said means they're canonically aroace which.. no it doesn't... once again they only mentioned romance how does that make them asexual? Why are you literally equating aromantism to asexuality? Why are you saying those things can't be separate? Those things can be separate, do they know that? Do they remember aroallo people exist?

[confused-canid]

Lowkey wish I could scroll the aro tag and not be bombarded with the

This post contains filtered content! #ace #asexual #Ace pride

Lke. I don't just wanna have to go to the aroallo tag chat. And can you at least be sure to talk about being aro a little? Instead of "My experiences with being asexual:" and never mentioning being aro?? Please??

And I don't wanna report It for being spam because that feels mean but. AAOOUGHHHHHH

[thereallyreallylatebird]

In light of the recent discourse, I would like to say that if you think that cisgender heterosexual aromantic men aren't queer, or are somehow inherently predatory,

YOU CAN FUCK OFF.

[monstrousparalysis]

Fuck it, on this Valentine's Day, here's a post devoted to every single aromantic who fits the negative stereotypes!

Every aroallo, no matter what other labels they use!

Loveless aromantics, especially ones who are loud about not feeling love and refuse to listen to the countless "but what about"s!

Aromantics who don't feel other, even more "universal" attractions, like platonic or familial ones!

Aromantics who lack empathy, who are "cold", who prefer logic over emotion!

Nonhuman aromantics, especially the loveless ones, for whom "Love is what makes us human" is a dismissal in both directions!

Aromantics with trauma, trust issues, or fears of intimacy!

And of course: the aromantics with personality disorders, especially the narcissistic or antisocial aromantics!

If you meet one or more of the above criteria, you are entitled to keep being who the fuck you are and to do so with pride!

Arophobia is not our fault, it is the fault of the arophobes who use our image to justify attacking others. We are hurting nobody just by existing as we are.

No matter what you want in terms of relationships, be that friends with benefits, queerplatonic partners, multiple partners, or no partners at all, ever, I hope you get it!

[nonmahogany]

being aromantic really had made me a better person

i love deconstructing the amatonormativity and hierarchical structure of relationships the world around me as built and rejecting that expectation

i love loving my friends and family and girlfriend and people around me however i’d like outside of the norm and deviating from the romance escalator of relationships

i love the world of words and concepts the aromantic community has introduced me to in order to help me with these things i want to do as mentioned above, things that have felt so right every time i do them, but i didn’t think too much on them or think of other people like this too

i love my aromanticism and what being apart of the aromantic community has done for me

happy aromantic spectrum awareness weeks my folks, we’re cool as fuck and i love my identity

[miloway]

Not my video, from kallimaraki on tiktok