#alllllllll the ableism

[measlyfurball13]

I'm Still Here

Summary: Curly is rescued. He is given a voice. Supposedly.

---

It’s all a blur. Men in suits with helmets. Men in suits without. Any memories Curly might have of the rescue and its aftermath are blurred around the edges. He’s sure he drooled and screamed all through the process.

Funny. He doesn’t remember the pain. It’s as if his mind has painted over it in an easier color on the eyes. 

(He remembers her saying the same thing happens after childbirth-)

It’s only a few hours after the IV is jammed into his arm that reality crisps up again. He’s staring into the face of a nurse. The nurse is a he, and a different skin tone (than him) and utterly unrecognizable. That’s the first clue.

The second is the woman in the crisp suit. A lawyer, supposedly. Civil servant. Looking over him and sighing. Another woman enters and they discuss conservatorship. Curly doesn’t know what this means. He’s never had to worry about it. He grunts, even tries to form his lips into the shape of something, but nothing makes them turn to him and clue him in on anything. 

Next comes someone dressed in a slouched sweater pulling a cart. They’re setting up some sort of device around him. It takes several days though, and in the moments between the lawyer comes back, mutters a few things about an accident investigation, then disappears again.

The nurse usually doesn’t talk when he visits but one time he sits down in the chair across the room and solemnly says that both of Curly’s parents died in the time it took for the rescue team to find him and that his next of kin is a cousin. Cousin Sue, Curly guesses. She lived all the way in New York. 

The machine is completed. A screen hangs above his hospital bed. The person in the slouched sweater instructs him to look at the twenty-six letters on the screen, focus on the one he wants, and blink to select it. 

It takes him three hours to first produce the word “HELLO.” 

“Practice and you’ll get the hang of it.” Slouched sweater says.

Slouched sweater leaves. The nurse comes in. Moves the screen. Changes his bandages. Sets up the screen again. Leaves just before Curly can type “HELLO” to him. 

(A single word. A single word. He would have given anything for just a single word to her.)

Now the lawyer drags the chair beside his bed and sits down. She’s holding a notepad and a pen. 

“Tell me,” she says, slowly, “what happened aboard the Tulpar.” 

He forgets to breathe. 

“What,” she says, “caused,” she says, “the accident?” 

Words pierce his brain like knives, his eye darts around the keyboard and his eyelid can’t keep up and it blinks without his command. Letters spill across the screen and he’s having to backspace them and-

The lawyer has put down the notepad and has opened her phone. She’s texting someone else. Then she takes a call. Then she answers some emails. 

-Curly finally blinks ‘send’ on the console, and a tinny voice reads out “JIMMY.” 

“Hmm?” The lawyer looks up from her phone. “Jimmy? As in, your co-pilot?” 

“Y” Curly sends, hoping that the lawyer can at least wrap her head around something as simple as that.

“Go on.” The lawyer urges.

Curly exhales against his bandages, and types “E” and “S”. 

“What about him?” 

“K”. Then “I”. “L” and “L”, the lawyer is pulling out her phone again. His eye hurts, it’s refusing to move at all now and this dumb bitch isn’t-

He flinches. God, he’s so sorry. He’s so sorry and she deserved none of this and maybe if he’d been a better man and not a goddamned coward and taken some responsibility then maybe she’d be listening to him right now instead.

The lawyer glances up from her phone. “Yes, Jimmy was found deceased. Your cryo pod was the only one functioning. It seems he gave up his spot for you. My condolences for your loss.” 

Something more burning than the fire rips through his stomach and he forces his eye back onto the screen. “E” and “D”, then space, then “E”, then “V”, “E” and “R”, “Y”, his vision is wavering, “O”, “N”, he can practically feel his non-existent hand tapping on the screen to finish the job, “E”. . .

His eyelid slams shut. He can tell, vaguely, that his cheek bandages are damp but whether that’s normal or from anything spilling out of his eye is beyond him. His neck twitches from the strain. 

He coughs. Forces his eye open. The lawyer looks at the screen. Looks back down at her phone. Looks at the screen again. Her eyebrows raise. 

“Are you sure?” She asks.

Of course I’m fucking sure! he could shout and shake her shoulders. 

“This was not the fault of Pony Express or its parent corporation?” 

“N”, then “O”, and now she’s actually paying attention. Something hungry lights up in her eyes, and she takes a picture of the screen and then starts furiously scribbling on her notepad. 

—

“-in this room right here, ma’am.” The nurse opens the door.

Curly looks over. Following the nurse is Cousin Sue, her blond locks he remembers now turned more platinum. She stops in the doorway and covers her mouth with her hands. 

“Were you not warned?” The nurse asks her.

She ignores him, running over by the bedside. “Oh you poor thing!” 

Curly tries to flick his eyes towards the screen, only for liquid lightning to pour into all his senses when she grabs the stump of his left arm. He chokes on air. The burning sensation lingers even as she jerks her hand away. 

“Take it easy, ma’am.” The nurse says.

“Why was it wet?” She mutters and shakes out her hand.

“Some leakage from blisters beneath the bandages. He’s okay. Try to be gentle.” 

“God. It’s horrific. I can hardly. . .”

The nurse drags her over a chair as if she might collapse any minute. Curly’s nerve endings are still on fire. She still hasn’t made eye contact with him. 

“H”, he types. “I”. Blinks to send. “HI.” 

“Hi.” She echoes. “He said hi.”

“The law firm hooked him up. That’s how we know the full story.”

It wasn’t the full story. It was the story told in simple enough words that the lawyer would stay awake while he typed. 

“God. What happened was. . . so terrible.” Sue covers her mouth. “I’m sure he did everything he could.” 

“I’ll leave you two alone now.” The nurse steps back.

The door clicks shut. Sue’s watery eyes rake up and down his frame. 

“It’s all that bastard’s fault, isn’t it? And to think you even invited him to a family reunion or two. I remember that.” 

Curly looks to the “N”. Blinks. Looks to the “O”. Blinks. Erases both. Blinks an “M”. Then a “Y”. Space. “F”. “A-”

“Disgusting man. Letting you get like this. I’m sorry about the rest of the crew as well, of course. At least they got the easy way out of things. . .” 

Curly stares at the wall behind the screen. Something inside his throat trembles. 

“What’s going on? Do you need something? Water? Water perhaps?” 

Sue looks around her before spotting the sink across the room. She grabs a cup from the nearby dispenser and fills it. Then she returns to his bedside, standing over him and then there’s his fingers on his chin opening his mouth and-

He gags. He sobs. Something wet splashes against the inside of his mouth (it’s blood it’s blood it’s blood) and nausea plays a soaring note above the chorus. 

He becomes nothing but a shivering pile of meat for a little. It’s more comfortable that way rather than trying to think. And when he opens his eyes again, Sue is gone. 

—

Curly knows there isn’t much time left. When Sue came back she talked about a private care home, and if there’s even a chance of the screen not coming with then he can’t risk it. He’s started typing only when there’s no one around to read it. It’s easier that way.

Sue and the nurse come in. They’re discussing something but Curly can hardly hear them until the nurse puts his hand on the swivel holding up the screen. Curly’s pulse lights up, and before anyone else can even breathe he blinks “send” on the console. 

The tinny voice reads each syllable as if it were reporting the weather. 

“I’M SORRY SWANSEA.”

“I’M SORRY DAISUKE.”

“ANYA. I’M SORRY. MY FAULT.” 

“I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED. DEAD PIXEL. INSTEAD OF THE BIG PICTURE.” 

Curly lets his eye droop down from the screen. 

“. . . what was all that?” Sue asks. 

The nurse comes over to his bedside. “Are you feeling alright?”

Curly doesn’t look at him. Doesn’t need to. 

All the words he could possibly offer are jammed. Like logs against the rocks beneath the water of the river he grew up by as a kid. Or traffic in the big city he moved to after moving out. Or a key in the wrong keyhole. (Or pills in his throat.)

All of these pictures he could paint. The only people who would find it worth the wait are all dead. Somehow Jimmy is among them. 

Damn it all. Curly stares at the ceiling. The nurse takes down the screen and then manhandles him into a wheelchair.

[liddleglitterygirl]

intro to ms. ellie

hello darlin', i'm ellie, or ells here -- I'm your friendly neighborhood kinky girl on this side of Tumblr.

do not get in my DMS if you're gonna be a fuckin weirdo

i have a daddy and I adore him <3

I'm a queer 30 yr old princess mouse from California

In general:

little mouse, prey but in a princess way, I want a knight in shining armor with a black heart, forced intimacy (yeah, say it, go ahead, cnc), hierophilia, (it's not 'i'm sorry daddy' it's 'father forgive me my sins') service top, you can call me daddie but I have a Daddy, bisexual femme with a praise kink

make me feel tiny and put me where you want me, that's the core of it alllllllll - i'm here for power exchange and praise and soft dominance.

Hard No: gore, threats, stalking, dumbification, ableism, biphobia, meanness -- you can degrade me but only in a nice way, goddamnit, I'm a silly little empty headed princess, I'm not stupid or worthless, gtfo with that shit

specifics: DD/l g, praise, body worship, body writing, intox, denial/control, bondage, tpe, voice kink, hierophilia, teratophilia, princess treatment.

general reminder that I was a line cook and as such i have zero patience for your bullshit-- no matter how little and cute I am, at best I have fangs and at worst I have the ability to break you apart like a chicken. i'm also not going to always to remember to tag so if my shit isn't for you maybe don't follow in the first place lol

tags and info:

father forgive me - priest kink I do not apologize for, i'm traumatizing the Church back

monsterfuckery -- just because it's my favorite, you're gonna see it a lot.

ells library -- mute this if you give a fuck about my autistic ramblings about academia and literature and education (big girl stuff)

guide to care and keeping of ells -- shit i'm into

him + me - the place in my heart where we both sit (or... hot.)

him - about or reminds me of <3

me core - aesthetic

saints and witches and men and gods - me talking about my faith (and, haha, writing about priest fucking) feel free to mute if you don't care

I have a Throne and a daddy

but I love new friends :) DMS are open but if you're weird I will put your whole entire ass on blast and sicc my scary daddy on you 😡

[katekaned]

i dont think i can even articulate how enraged today’s “oracle” story in urban legends made me today. i have no words im so sick and tired of dc not caring about disabled people. 

[wanderingfan]

Things I Enjoyed This Week

Hello Again.  Hope you’re having a good weekend!  Here’s some things I watched/listened/obsessed over this week.  This week I’m going to try to be a little more thorough on what each piece of content contains this time.

Main Fixation

Banana Fish 

This is going to be here for the next 30 weeks and I don’t know what to tell you.  Oh wait I do have something to say that I probably can’t sneak into the Eiji and Ash post I’m doing (hopefully it’ll be done by Tuesday.)

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW HORRENDOUS OF A POKER FACE EIJI HAS WHEN TALKING TO IBE.

“Oh, I will,” he says casually with his eyes bulging out of his sockets.  I loved Eiji in the manga and I’m loving Eiji in the anime and frames like this really say a thousand words about him.  I have a more depressing image that also says a thousand words but I’ll put that on a solo post later tomorrow.

Videos

Cooking With Twinkies! by brutalmoose           

contains food products including sweets such as twinkies, ice cream and cookies, condiments, cooked and uncooked sausage and hot dogs, as well as a man cooking and eating said food.

Brutalmoose’s videos are always a treat to see, whether he’s making frozen dinners, cooking weird recipes, watching old tv or television movies, or playing far off video games.  This one is him dressed in a mustard twinkie suit making food...using twinkies.   The art is in the editing hon.  And by that I mean it’s odd.

Down the Rabbit Hole by Fredrik Knudsen

contains disturbing information regarding things ranging from cult-like activity to mental illness to online abuse to attempted murder and suicide.  viewer discretion is advised.

Hey hi I accidentally binge-watched this whole playlist.  It’s documentary-like video series describing strange, often disturbing events ranging from events involving content creators to historical events like the plague.  What makes this series work I think is how the narrator acts completely separate from the events, only giving information in order to allow you to draw your own conclusion.

Arthur Games #2! by PeanutButterGamer                                              

contain bits of video made to make Arthur and its characters disturbing.  some edits are disjointed and a little off-putting

Another video that relies on odd editing.  These videos range from funny to slightly surreal.  It’s about Arthur games...based on Arthur.  The only episode I remember watching of Arthur is the one where he broke a glass bird by accident, and then one where his sister wanted to wish on a shooting star...I don't know I put in here because I watched it okay?

Examining the Yaoi BL Genre by GoatJesus

contains discussion of sexual assault, homophobia and sexism along with showing episodes that include sexual assault.

I almost removed this because there are some opinions GoatJesus has that I heavily disagree with.  However when it comes to this video in particular GoatJesus is very on point, so I feel like since I keep running into posts declaring they hate Yaoi (sometimes while putting any content with seemingly non-straight undertones into that category,) and then others justifying their love of Yaoi (but not...real LGDTQ+ people and the stories they write cough cough) by declaring some nonsensical reasoning like yaoi was before gay culture (which is...uhuh. sure. okay.) I think it’s important to have more videos like this that are clear and honest on how they feel about this topic.

The Shape of Ableism: How We Restrict Disabled and Disfigured Stories by The Princess and the Scrivener

contains discussion of mental and physical disabilities, ableism, prejudice, racism, sexism and how film portrays these topics with examples from The Elephant Man, Wonder, Me Before You, and The Shape of Water, among others.  

The way Scrivener discusses topics and her response to “critical” comments speak to me on this personal level it’s like she’s in my head and now I weirded myself out so if you want to see a proper look at the mistreatment and lack of disabled casting in films check this one out.

Are Rules Made to Be Broken? | Philosophy Tube by Philosophy Tube  

contains discussions on politics, activism, philosophy, racism and discriminatory laws

An quickie on why rules are made to be broken...not much else to say the title speaks for itself.  Short and sweet.

So I Installed 30+ Mods Onto Darkest Dungeon... and VAMPYRBORNE by Indeimaus

contains video game blood, violence and murder.  also swearing.

Whenever I’m interested in a game but don’t have a big wallet I usually look at a good playthrough of it.  However ever since I discovered Indeimaus I suddenly can’t imagine going through 30+ hours of a playthrough unless its someone I really like, because Indeimaus usually makes a single video that chronicles his experience playing through the game.

Gator Ate My Camera! and BIG PIG PARTY! by Brave Wilderness  

first video contains live gators in a feeding frenzy and raw meat.  second video contains pigs, chickens, organic cake (safe for animals to eat), birthday décor and Coyote eating a piece of the cake after dropping it on the dirt.

PIG PARTY!  GATOR PARTY!  Brave Wilderness videos are always a nice treat to watch when I feel I stopped in my tracks.  When I’m lying down not sleeping I usually watch some Brave Wilderness videos until I go to sleep.  Coyote’s love for creatures big and small is infectious.

Power Rangers (2017) - Deep Dive by FilmJoy                                               

contains people eating oreo cookies and watching a movie.  people chatting and having a good time on a couch and pausing to talk in front of the camera.  movies watching parts are set in black-and-white.

Deep Dive is a series that strives to see the joy in movies that are...not conventionally joyful.  They’re great if you’re tired of reviews that are essentially “this movie SUCKS” for 15-30 minutes and instead want to see someone at least try to find the good in even things that are atrocious.  This time though they watched a movie that was...kinda actually good?  All of them are surprised by this.

Klonoa: The Saddest Game Ever Made (Analysis/Tribute) - ChaseFace ...by ChaseFace

contains story beats to the first klonoa game, which deals with destruction, loss, deceit, and other themes, but its not gory or “adult” in any capacity.

Wh-what?  Why would I be sad about this game?  I never played it!  I have no reason to cry about this cutesy game about friendship and dreams.  N-nope!  D-didn’t cry at alllllllll-aaaaaaaaaagh *gross sobbing*

Podcasts

Waypoint - Captain Toad's Wild Ride and No Man's Guy

contains discussion on toxic behavior in gaming communities (including mention of a bomb threat to a game creator) and the culture and issues of gaming development and publishing, along with brief asides to politics.

This week Waypoint discuss how good Captain Toad is among other Switch Games, and then goes into a details discussion on what happened to No Man’s Sky, including the visceral reactions to it.

Oh No, Ross and Carrie! - Ross and Carrie Traverse Flat Earth (Part 7): The Jeran Campanella Interview

contains skepticism of modern science, religion (focusing on catholic,) atheism and the flat-earther movement

Ross and Carrie take a break from the out-of-body club to interview a flat-earther on his experience in becoming one.

Wonderful! - Wonderful! Ep. 43: Davey Coolstool’s Math Poetry

contains a married couple being in love

Wonderful is a couple who used to do a Bachelor Podcast called Rose Buddies, but after the show got to a point where the couple decided they didn’t want to encourage anyone to watch the show they moved on to just a podcast talking about things they think are wonderful.  Saccharine sweet and positive, will probably lull you to sleep.

The Worst Bestsellers - Episode 102 – Ramona and Her Mother

contains childhood nostalgia, memories, and family issues

The Worst Bestseller are ladies who go through...the worst bestsellers, from Warriors (LIES) to Fifty Shades of Grey.  But PLOTWIST - They talk about a book they actually love this time with Ramona and Her Mother, which seems to understand the small struggles of being a young kid that are still applicable today as they were in the seventies.

Let's Fight a Boss - Ep 79: Willy-Banilly

contains swearing and some dark humor.  also contain irish funeral arrangements.

A group of friend poke fun at each other while talking about what they watched/read, what they played, games news and emails.  They’re usually two hours long but sometimes less or more depending on the topics.  They can be very frank about what they like and dislike which might throw people off, but I respect them for still being good people.  Its hard for me to get differing opinions that aren’t attached to more toxic behavior, so its nice to be able to enjoy a podcast that’s still respectful.  

That’s it for this week.  Take care!