#all your sums and your pieces my beloved.

[weirdsht]

Hello! Good morning lol. I hope you're doing well :₱ i gotta say ur writing is good and addicting. I keep coming back it's eating me alive

I have a thought abt ur recent yan!cale post :₱

What if Cale actually got sum magical jewelry on the reader that prevents their risky, suic1d∆l powers from working? The reader realizes it's basically stuck to them and is unable to take it off, remaining stuck unless someone powerful in magic, like Eruhaben, removes it personally. They feel off about it at first, though they eventually accept it because it was Cale who really wanted it on them, and they believe that he's someone who wants nothing but the safety of his loved ones. But then---

Reader gets kidnapped, gets harmed in the worst way possible-

Lol sorry, idk why but yandere cale is so-

😆💞

Blood-Red Garnet - Yan!Cale/Reader

notes: my visualization for the bracelet

tags: gender-neutral reader, yandere cale, torture and injuries (nothing too graphic), hints of possessiveness, hints of unhealthy relationship and dependency but reader doesn't realise it

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read navi)

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A shiny gold bracelet with a piece of blood-red jewel in the middle was dangled in [name]’s face by Cale. It was a gift, or so he says. Told the ability user that it’s both an accessory and a preventative measure.

“Preventative measure? For what?”

“For your abilities. I don’t want you dying on me because of your reckless power.”

[Name] wore the bracelet even though they were hesitant at first. Their ability was their primary way of fighting. However, Cale was right. That ability is too dangerous. Plus, they still know how to wield a sword and fight hand-to-hand combats so they should be fine.

“By the way you can only use your abilities if I allow it or if a dragon dispels the magic on that thing.”

Right..?

Apparently not.

[Name] desperately stares at the three pieces of garnet in their bracelet. As if it would magically come off if they stared at it hard enough.

When the ability user first got the bracelet they were happy whenever they looked at the garnet it holds. The colour reminds them of Cale’s hair. Reminds them that the young master gifted it to them because he was concerned for their well-being.

However, now the jewel brings them frustration. The enchantment was placed on those three small circles. If only [name] can remove them.

Then maybe they won’t be subjected to this torture anymore.

“Your beloved commander won't save you. Just tell us where he is right now and whether or not his unconscious. We’ll let you have a quick death once you do.”

“If I’m gonna die either way then I’ll gladly keep everything to my– AHHH!”

[Name]’s words got cut off as another one of their fingers was broken by the torturer interrogating them.

“Are you sure you can take more of this? I can still break your toes if you’re so adamant.”

The torturer mocked them. Gently caressing his fingers over their feet before looking back again at their messed-up fingers.

[Name] merely laughs. They might be beaten up and have no way of fighting as their ability is suppressed, but they won’t say anything. Not now, not ever.

“Torture me all you– keugh! All you want. You won’t get an ounce of information from me.”

Despite being beaten up and coughing up blood, the ability user still had a smile on their face. A mocking smile that seems to rival their torturer’s mocking tone earlier.

The torturer’s face contorts in anger. He looked as if his ready to kill the ability user. Honestly, [name] thinks that would be better. They were getting tired too, they didn’t know how much more pain they could take.

Craaaaack! Psshhh

Just about when the torturer was raising a sword to inflict more pain on [name], a red thunderbolt suddenly fried the man. He was thoroughly burned to a crisp, almost like chicken deep fried in oil.

It was so strong that everyone within the vicinity could feel the anger of those thunderbolts.

And [name] didn’t need to see where it came from to know that it was Cale who did that.

“[Name]! We’re here to rescue you! I’m sorry for being late, I’m sure Saint Jack can heal you…”

Raon spoke in their head while supporting their back. His voice sounded as if he was crying. [Name] could also feel their back becoming wet.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine”

The ability user comforted the toddler. They want to pet him but it’s impossible due to the state of their hands. Raon nodded, his cheeks squishing on [name]’s back. Once he regained his composure he used flight magic on them so they could get out of the cell.

Crash! Bang! Tak!

Outside was chaotic. At the centre of that chaos was Cale and all of his ancient powers running rampant. His face was contorted in something that can only be described as fury. All their other friends had to keep their distance because it almost looked as if the redhead was not in the right state of mind.

“The human has been like that ever since you got kidnapped! I don’t think I’ve seen him that angry.”

Raon tattled as they went closer to Cale. Despite looking like his out of his mind he had enough sanity left to create a path for [name] and Raon.

Cale’s face softened for a moment when he was face to face with [name]. However, it didn’t last long once he saw their state. There’s blood flowing out of their mouth. Wounds of varying degrees littered across their body. Not to mention the absolute wreck of a state their hands are in.

“I’ll be fine.”

[Name] tried to assure Cale who was stroking their cheek. But he isn’t having it. He could see how the ability user is using every fibre of their being to not wince. Probably so that Raon won’t cry anymore.

“Yes, you’ll be fine.”

Cale will make sure of it.

But for now, he must take care of these lowlifes that dare touch what’s his.

“Sleep. When you wake up we’ll be back home.”

Following Cale’s words, [name] closed their eyes. Succumbing to sleep as if the chaos happening behind them didn’t exist.

“Raon, Saint Jack is down there with Rosalyn. Tell him to make sure not a single scar will remain on [name]’s body.”

His negligence already allowed someone else to take his [name], he’ll be damned if he allows another man’s mark to linger on their body.

“Once we get home let’s ask Eruhaben-nim to put some defensive spell in that bracelet.”

“Let’s do that human! We’ll be going now! Be careful, I know you’re angry but you can’t cough blood!”

With that, the toddler used his magic to [name] to where Jack is. Leaving Cale to run wild.

Best to say that no enemy got out of that place alive after Cale was done with them.

[first-edition]

Fox and the Hound

Chapter 8

Previous chapter here

Sum-Joffrey wants to send a message to your family after your brother embarrasses him, so he marries you off to his most unwanted man in his court, the hound. But will this marriage truly be a statement for an eyesore, or will it grow into something more. 

Cw for this chapter- mention of smut, mention of 18+ themes. Cussing, bathing together, mention of war, description of scarring, child abuse, sandors past, Joffrey being a little bitch, merryn trant.

Sandor stands next to joffrey in between him and cersi as a messenger has arrived. 

“Your g-grace.” the man said out of breath hurrying into the great hall as he ran most of the way. 

“Speak man!” jeoffry barks already annoyed. 

“HIs late grace, the king's brother stannis barathion is planning to invade king's landing…and t-take the throne for himself as it is his birthright.” he says panting but talking as fast he can for the annoyed new child king. 

“Where did you hear this?” cersi speaks. The man approaches cautiously, side -eyed sandor afraid of him. He hands her a piece of paper while bowing. She takes it from his hands. He backs up from the royals and waits as she reads the letter. 

“Fuck..” she says under her breath. 

“Mother?” Joffrey asks, looking up at her as she now stands. 

“Ser merryn gathers as many men as you can to begin fortifying the walls. Tell the iron mages and blacksmiths to begin preparation for incoming weapons.” she says handing the letter to her handmaiden before ser merryn bows and begins to walk off. 

“Go with him dog.” jeoffry speaks  looking up at the hound as he grumbles and then follows ser merryn reluctantly. He'd much rather have his dick buried inside of you right now back in your shared chambers. Your soft body on his as your whimpers and moans echo off the stone walls of the room as you whine out his name telling him how good he feels, but no.

Hes following merryn fucking trant out to the kings gaurd and outside the castle walls to inform all of the soon to be burning kingdom. 

“Don't be so silent now clegane. I know you're just jumping under that hard exterior.'' Merryn says. 

“Shut the fuck up. Do you want me to beat you into the mud again? " Sandor speaks immediately, shutting the other knight up. Passing through the halls you and Sansa walk down a guard and two other ladies are waiting following behind you both. Your arms are linked and you both laugh.

You wear a light gray dress, with an off the shoulder bodice that's lined with fur, the golden and jeweled accents scattering the bodice no doubt a choice from the queen. Your skirt is held in place yet is flowy. Sansa wears something similar but in a light blue. 

Sansa gives your arm a light squeeze signaling for you to look ahead and you are seeing sandor with ser merryn. You both meet at the hall as ser merryn and sandor both stop giving a quick bow before speaking. 

“Princess, my lady.” ser merryn says. 

“Where are you both off too you're never assigned together?” you speak. 

“None of your concern my lady.” Merryn speaks you raise your eyebrows at his sudden rudeness

“Well..then I hope my beloved husband will enlighten me?”you say turning your head to sandor fixing your eyes on his. 

“No. he will not.” Sandor speaks coldly before looking up at the other guard behind you both. 

“You. Go with trant to the amory.” he gruffly speaks. The knight nod and bows to you before ser merryn and him walk onward to the journey they were set on. 

“Sandor?” you ask. 

“Stannis Baratheon is going to invade kings landing and take the throne in 3 days.” he speaks once ser merryn is gone from ear shot. 

“What?” Sansa speaks. Before letting go of you. 

“Excuse me.” she hurries off her maid following her and you and sandor and your hand maiden are left in the halls.

“Are you certain?” you ask. 

“Yes. one of varys messengers sent the note.” he says 

“I'll arrange for you and I to take a ship to Volantis then.” you say. 

“Don't bother, I won't be on it with you.” he says, looking down at you. 

“W-what? Why not?” you ask, stepping closer to him. 

“I'm staying here, I have to fight on the king's orders,” he says. You scoff a sarcastic smile forming on your face. 

“And since when have you carried what the boy king has to order?” you roll your eyes and cross your arms at his stupid notion. 

“Since he married you to me.” he speaks plainly now, finding his notion no longer stupid as you drop your arms to your sides. You slightly bite your lip, a sheen of blush flowing to your cheeks as your eyes revert down quickly before looking back up at him. 

“O-oh..” you stutter out. 

“I'll have more guards posted outside your doors.” he says before moving around you and heading off down the hall to assign guards to be posted. You stand there watching as he walks away before he disappears past the corner. 

“If it's not too much to mention my lady, but, I think the lord clegane may love you.” your maiden says. A small smile forms on your lips. 

“I think you're right.” you say smiling at her before you both turn to continue your walk down the hall. 

—---

You didn't see Sandor for the rest of the day after he informed you. He was outside the wall and in the knightstand training area. Watched out to the court yard as more troops of knights marched in but sandor was nowhere to be seen. You missed him. 

You missed him until the night fell and you were in your room. He wasn't lying about having more guards posted outside the room, instead of the usual two three were now eight. Two on either side of the door and two across from your door posted on either side. Your handmaids scurried past them as they entered and exited.

“Will you draw a bath please?” you ask one of them. She nodded and left along with another to collect the contents for bathing. You sighed and undid the lacing of the back of the dress you wear. The stretch of reaching behind you a much needed one as the ache of your muscles from your night with sandor last was still lingering. 

The doors open once again making you turn your head in confusion as to why your hand maidens were back so fast. But you were met happily with the sight of your husband. He sets down his sword on the side of the door against the wall. He groans annoyingly as he does. 

“I haven't seen you all day. Are you alright?” you ask, walking up. You meet him and place your hands on  his cheeks; he slightly leans into your soft touch. Your palm resting on the scarred part of his face. 

“Bunch of cunts.” he grumbles. 

“I have the maids drawing a bath ... .would you ... .would you like to join me?” you ask. Sandor goes quiet bringing his hand up to yours keeping it placed on your cheek. 

“Okay.” he simply says. Your heart jumps at his answer. 

“I'll need something from you first.” you say. 

“Mm.” he answers. 

“Can you unlace my dress?” you ask. He lets out a soft chuckle and nods. You take your hand from his face only to catch his hand in yours and lead him to the bed. 

“When you ask me to unlace your dress, little fox…” he trails off as you sit him on the bed. 

“I mean unlace my dress.” you say turning around standing in the space between his legs. You move your hair to the side as he had come up feeling the fabric on your waist making you shiver before he truly moves to the back of your dress and begins to unlace the dress.

You feel it becoming looser and looser with each segment of lacing until it's loose enough to slip off your body. You step out of it as you bend down, picking it up and laying it on the space next to him on the bed. Left in your underclothes sandors hands find your waist again, turning you around to face him. 

He pulls you closer to him leaning his head up but not too much as even as sitting he's still comfortably level with you. His lips catch yours in a kiss feeling the softness he was deprived of all day. You moan into his mouth as his fingers dig into the flesh of your hips and your arms around his neck. The kiss is only broken when the doors open once again your hand maids arrive with bathing materials and begin to fill the tub in the corner but not before apologizing for intruding on the two of you. 

You admire the features of your husband, his scruff already growing back from shaving it thank goodness on your behalf. You sit on his lap, the hot water warming you both. His arms rest on either side of the bathtub as his eyes search you. No matter how many times he will view your body nothing will ever compare to its beauty. The moment calms him but the focus is to keep the blood rushing to his cock while your breasts are virtually centered in front of his face. His knuckle tightens the side of the tub as he closes his eyes. 

“S-sorry.” you speak, causing his eyes to open again and his grip to cease. He looks up at you in confusion. Your hands are now resting on his collar bones. 

“It's not that..” he says realizing you pulled away thinking he closed his eyes due to you touching his scars. He takes your hand bringing it back to his face somehow finding a sort of comfort in you tracing his marks. 

“Does it still hurt?” You ask him as you move his hair out of his face, your fingers brushing against his scar. 

“No.” He says 

“Good…what happened?” You ask

“I’m sure some servant has told you the gruesome story.” He says slowly.

“Yes…but..I’m asking you. What happend?” You ask again.

“Like you’ve heard little fox, I was pressed into the fire like a nice juicy mutton chop by my brother.” He says gesturing to his scar. 

“Why.” You ask. 

“Though I stole one of his toys, I didn't steal it, I was just borrowing it…playing with it. I was 6 or so.” He says you tilt your head slightly brushing your thumb over his cheek. 

“The pain was bad, the smell was worse…but…” he sighs before continuing. 

“The worst thing was that it was my brother who did it. My older brother. My father who protected him..told everyone my bedding caught fire. And my mother…wouldn’t even look at me said i was too ugly to love.” He says eyes averting from yours. It's quiet, the only noise is the crackling of the fire and the light swishing of the water. 

“I can look at you...” You say moving closer to him. His eyes make contact with yours like before. 

“...And I love you, Sandor.” You say he lets out a relieved sort of sigh before pulling you to him placing a much need kiss on your forehead.

chapter 9 here

Tag list- @stephyshadows @germansarechill

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (06)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, kissing (omg k1ss1ng omg WHO IS IT ??? 😦), tbh this is the only warning i wanted u guys to read cuz 6 chapters in and we finally get sum action i feel like that's a win lmaooooo, jimin being Real as fook, unbeta'd cuz uhm i'm a godless menace who should be conked on the head, once again we are severely lacking jk in his own fic lol i'm owning up to this 🤗 BUT! this is probably the last chapter where jk feels like a side character lol apologies my dudes

rating: PG-13

word count: 8.1k (honestly i wrote obs6 just so i could get to obs7 lmao that's why it's a lil bit shorter)

note: my apologies if this sucks. you are legally allowed to stone me if you hate it. but i hope you don't hate it. but if you do hate it don't tell me just stone me lol 🤐 why am i so unhinged with this update

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

The picture is fucking terrible.

“Jimin, what the fuck,” you grumble, staring at the huge framed photo on the wall, taken on the day of the opening party. You, Taehyung and Jimin are gathered on the floor of the dance studio, with boxes of takeout neatly sitting between the three of you. “I look like ass.”

Jimin barely glances at the wall, just continues to stuff his face with the dumplings that you ordered. “You look fine,” he says absentmindedly, mouth full, continuing to munch on the food despite your little dilemma.

“Bitch, I have my eyes closed.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I look like I’m in the middle of a sneeze.” You cross your arms in front of your chest, squinting at your photographed self again. The more you look at it, the more irritated you become.

Realistically, you know nobody would pay enough attention to notice the immortalized visual of your fluttering eyes, and you yourself wouldn’t care about it that much. Maybe you would even laugh in good spirits and poke fun at yourself as you often do. Make a meme of it for the group chat.

“What’s the big deal?” Jimin asks.

You shrug petulantly. “I told you. I look like ass.”

Yeah, true, but it’s also more than that.

It’s the fact that the person standing next to you looks so good that you must voice your grievances. It’s the fact that he looks so much more than just good. 

The guys stop eating to look at you. You wonder just how much of what you’re feeling is written all over your face. Regardless, they don’t comment on it. 

One of them clears his throat, shaking the whole thing off.

“Did you tell Yoongi anything yet?” Jimin asks.

You poke at a lone dumpling with your chopsticks, popping the ‘p’ when you say, “Nope.”

“Damn, Y/N,” Jimin scolds you. “It’s been three weeks. He doesn’t want to push you for an answer but the man has got to be suffering.”

You flick a piece of spring onion garnish at him. It lands on his hair, a single bit of green sitting among golden locks. “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jimin shakes the onion piece from his head and chucks it back at you. “Obviously you say yes!”

You exhale through your nose, then take a bite of your dumpling. You nibble on the fried dough, stretching out the silence, delaying your response.

It hasn’t even started, and it might not even start. But you’re already thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yoong is your friend, first and foremost. He’s a good friend, and you would be crushed if you lose that relationship. 

What if he hurts you, or you hurt him?

Sometimes, people are meant to hurt each other even if they don’t mean to.

Yoongi hasn’t seen your pieces in all of their jagged glory, how they’re only meant to reflect the light but never be healed by it. He’s still blissfully unaware of the ugly thoughts that have a home inside your head, and you’re afraid if you let him in, he’d realize it’s a place he doesn’t want to be. It’s hard to love a broken thing. You wouldn’t want to love you either.

Maybe this is the real reason that’s been holding you back all this time. Maybe it isn’t Jungkook - though he certainly isn’t absolved - but it’s you, and how you just don’t know if you’re someone who deserves to love and be loved. You’ve felt inadequate more times than you can count. You’ve been left before. Who’s to say it isn’t going to happen again?

You’re well aware that this is a bad way to look at things, but can anyone really blame you? You still have a heart, and despite how fragmented it is, you still want to protect it.

“I know that look,” Taehyung says, parting your fog and pulling you back to him. “You’re overthinking again.”

You roll your eyes. He knows you so well, but does he have to call you out every time?

“I’m not overthinking. I’m regular thinking.”

“Right. And to normal people, that’s overthinking.”

“It’s just…” you wonder out loud, gaze on the floor. “What if I go all in, and Yoongi sees me for who I am and thinks that I’m just an utterly sad person who can’t be loved? That I’m too much work when he’s got literally thousands of people throwing themselves at him left and right?”

Taehyung stares at the side of your face as he bites the inside of his cheek. His tongue soothes the spot, his jaw clenching once. “He’s not going to think that.”

“You don’t know that,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging down.

“You’re not unlovable just because one person didn’t love you right. So stop it with that bullshit, because I love you,” he says, voice serious. Even Jimin stays silent as he listens to his friend, his eyes flickering between you and Taehyung. “And Jimin loves you. Hobi loves you.”

You merely blink, because you hate it when he’s right. In all fairness, you understand. This is the same thing you would tell him if the situation were reversed.

You deflect anyway. That’s what you do best.

“You don’t count,” you tell him with an unserious scoff, your tone starkly contrasting his. “You’re my family.”

You taste something bitter as soon as the words leave your mouth. You should know better than anyone, that just because someone’s your family, doesn’t mean they have to love you.

Taehyung reenacts the blinking guy meme before chuckling, holding a hand over his chest like you’ve just wounded him. “Ouch.”

“You two are getting nowhere,” Jimin interjects. “Just call Yoongi.”

“And say what?” you ask.

“I told you. Say yes. God, you’re so dense sometimes.”

You reach over to jab a finger into his side, making him hiss and shuffle away from you.

“That wasn’t nice,” you grumble.

“Well, somebody’s gotta say it.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised for a few seconds before he lowers them and grows more stern. “Come on, Y/N. You know you don’t want to say no, or else you would’ve turned him down already. You said you wanted to start dating again. Yoongi is practically on his knees offering himself to you. What are you waiting for?”

There’s a voice in the back of your head - tiny, barely audible - that whispers, Who are you waiting for?

“Fuck it, I’ll say it,” Jimin continues. “It sucks balls that Jungkook hurt you, but you can’t let that affect you for the rest of your life. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You’re not even giving Yoongi a chance just because someone else did you dirty. If you keep always thinking about the worst possible outcome and banking on it to happen, then you’re never going to get anywhere. I love you, dude, but y’know.”

You stare at Jimin with your mouth slightly open, stunned into silence. When you glance at Taehyung, he’s surprised too, though probably not as much as you.

After a couple of minutes, you say, “Wow.”

“Tough love. I have my moments.” Jimin shrugs casually, like he didn’t just drop a truth bomb on your head. “But also…” He picks his phone up and types something in. Your phone instantly buzzes with a notification.

“Open the link I just sent you,” he says.

“You are literally sitting across from me.”

“Just open it! I made you a playlist.”

“Aw, Jimin, that’s so cute,” you coo softly, reaching over to pinch his cheek before he swats your hand away. You unlock your phone to see what Jimin made you, because that is some friendship hall of fame stuff right there. However, when the link redirects you to your music app, your smile immediately drops.

Aaand he’s back.

You stare at the screen for a good ten seconds to try and find your bearings, flabbergasted at something that is quite honestly very on-brand for Jimin if you think about it. “You made me a playlist called Dick Appointment with an eggplant emoji and the tongue out emoji and it’s mostly just Yoongi’s songs. Even the playlist cover is from his Valentino shoot.”

“So you can get it on while Agust D plays in the background!” Jimin grins, and you could just smack it right off his face.

“Park Jimin, who raised you? You are vile.”

“Validate me,” he demands. Oh, you would smack him. You really would. “I spent hours making that playlist.”

“It’s literally just Yoongi’s songs.”

“Yeah, but I had to curate an experience. I can’t just dump every song into a playlist and call it a day. I gotta make sure they fit the vibe.”

“I literally just heard the most profound shit from you not even two minutes ago.” Then, you turn to Taehyung with an exasperated look on your face. “Why would you let him do this?”

He just waves a dismissive hand in the air, like Jimin isn’t even there. “I’m not responsible for the stupid shit he does.”

Jimin crosses his arms in front of his chest, both eyebrows raised dramatically as he gapes at you. “You both suck. From now on, you can make your own sexytime playlists.”

“Nobody even asked you to do that!” you cry.

“Yeah! Which makes me an even more considerate friend,” he says. “Ugh. Whatever. Go call Yoongi.”

“You want me to do it now?”

“Yes. Because I know you’ll wuss out when you’re alone. You can stay and put him on speakers for us to hear or you can go out into the hallway. Come on, chop chop.”

“No, I have to text him first,” you protest. “What if he’s busy?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at you suspiciously, but allows you this after a moment. “Fine.”

You take out your phone from your bag that’s lying carelessly on the floor to draft a quick message to Yoongi. 

[12:59] You: got a minute?

The three of you go back to the food, abandoning the previous topic of conversation in favor of something lighter and meaningless or else you would go crazy waiting for Yoongi’s reply. After you’re finished, you and Taehyung are in the middle of putting away all the empty containers and soda cans when your phone buzzes again. 

You go to grab it to look at the notification, hands already starting to sweat.

[13:17] Yoongi: for you? always :)

You turn back to the guys to find them already looking at you. Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively while Taehyung just stares at you.

“Time to get your whore on,” Jimin says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice.

You turn to Taehyung for help. “He’s bullying me.”

“Ignore him,” your best friend tells you gently. “Go call Yoongi.”

When you take your phone out into the hallway, you make sure to go to the far end of it, near the main entrance so the two dorks can’t eavesdrop. You’ll tell them everything once you come back anyway, but you don’t want them within earshot while you’re in the middle of it.

Yoongi picks up your call on the third ring. In the background, your ear picks up on some chatter.

“Hey, princess,” he greets you. Then he holds the phone away from his ear to tell someone that he’d be back in a bit.

“Hey,” you say. “Where are you?”

“Just at a fitting. I have an ad campaign to film next week,” he answers. “Did you call just to get my whereabouts?”

“No, I… If you’re busy, we can talk later.”

“We’re still in the middle of lunch break anyway. What did you want to talk about?”

You briefly regret not taking a minute to psych yourself up before. You suck in a deep breath, which eases your nerves for just a second, long enough for you to say, “Yes.”

You’re met with brief silence from the other end of the line, which only makes your palms more clammy than they already are.

“Yes?” he echoes confusedly. “Yes what?”

“Yes,” you say again. “To…”

The silence commences once more, and lasts longer than you think you can handle. Then, you hear him stop in the middle of a breath.

“Oh.” A subsequent chuckle in response to the lightbulb that must’ve been switched on. “To that?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

It feels like you two have invented a secret language that nobody else could understand. A single syllable, bouncing off the metaphorical walls of your conversation. Two idiots sharing the same brain cell.

“Yes?” he continues to prod, but at this point, you know he’s just teasing you.

“Yes! God, stop making me say it again. We sound so stupid.”

He graces you with a hearty laugh that makes you fight back a sheepish smile, even though there isn’t a single soul in sight to witness it. Yoongi makes you so fucking shy for some reason. Your nerves dissolve momentarily as you lean against the wall, your index finger running along a crack in the paint.

“Hmm, I wish you would’ve told me this in person,” he says, his voice soft.

“I can’t handle you in person. You’d tease me so much.”

“Because you’re adorable when you’re flustered, that’s why.” He waits a second before adding, “You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

“You’re being overly confident, Min.”

“Maybe,” he responds easily. “But am I right, though?”

“Shut up.”

When Yoongi said he would cook for you, you almost gasped.

“You can cook?” you had asked. It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation or anything, but you suppose you’d never given much thought to the hidden sides of him. 

“Y/N,” he laughed then. “I’m a great cook. I could probably make a pretty decent career out of being a chef.”

“I didn’t know that,” you told him sheepishly.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me.” It sounded like a promise. Like I’m willing to show you me. Like I’m willing to take the first step if you’d be in this with me too. “Does that sound like a good idea? You, me, dinner at your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, so you’ll be more comfortable. I’ll come over.”

This one simple gesture shouldn’t affect you that much, but it does. You appreciate that he’s considerate even when it comes to the littlest things. You swell with gratitude for the thought he puts into this, into putting your comfort first. It made you feel a bit better about yourself, calmed your stormy sea of thoughts enough to rationally accept the fact that he genuinely cares.

Regardless, it doesn’t stop you from spending most of the day obsessively cleaning your apartment. Even - and especially - your bedroom, although you’re sure that is not where the night will end. Every surface is spotless, not a single speck of dust to be found. It’s like the goddamn Pope is coming over for a house inspection. 

You haven’t had a first date in… fuck, how long has it been now? Nine years? It’s almost been a fucking decade already? You honestly can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or not.

But you remember the last time.

College, freshman year, with Jungkook. His yellow piece of sticky note that he slipped inside your favorite book. His adorably flustered expression when he timidly stood in front of you in the campus library. The way he was trying so hard to be confident and charming throughout your first dinner together. How he ran back to you after saying goodnight.

No.

You shut your eyes and shake your head, warding off any Jungkook-related thoughts before they could send you spiraling. You can’t reminisce about your ex while waiting for someone else to show. Yoongi deserves better, and that’s what you’re trying to be.

You’re not exactly sure how nice you should dress tonight. Yoongi told you that you could be clad in sweats for all he cares. If the dinner didn’t hold any connotation other than platonic, maybe you would’ve really donned your loungewear like you were merely having Taehyung and Jimin over for pizza.

You’d completely forgotten all the things people worry about in the early stages of dating, when you want to impress the other person but don’t want them to think that you’re trying too hard. 

Calm down. It’s just Yoongi. He’s seen you ugly crying with mascara running down your face, for fuck’s sake.

In the end, you opt for a sweater and a comfortable skirt. Casual. 

Yoongi rings your doorbell about ten minutes later than when he said he’d be there, holding a bag full of groceries. The visual alone makes you bite back a giggle and subsequently fail. You believe this is what people would call husband material.

You take his coat and guide him into your home. “Welcome to my humble abode,” you say shyly, gesturing around as you lead him into the kitchen to show him where everything is. Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. If Taehyung or Jimin could see you right now, they would probably laugh. Hoseok would straight up be rolling on the floor.

You barely breathe as you watch Yoongi take in his surroundings. It’s intimidating, even though you know it’s just Yoongi. 

“I actually don’t know what I expected, but I like it. It’s very you,” he comments, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s cute,” he says, throwing you a wink as he leans against your kitchen counter.

You avert your gaze immediately. “Oh… Thanks,” you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. “So, uhm, what are you making? How can I help?”

“Just sit down. I got this.”

“Yoongi,” you say his name in protest. “I want to h-”

“I’m trying to romance you here. Let me do that,” Yoongi says, his smile turning lopsided as he starts emptying the contents of his grocery bags. Even though his tone is light, the gentle reminder of tonight being a date shuts you right up.

You take a seat at your dining table, though you can’t really sit still. As Yoongi starts working, you absentmindedly talk to each other about your day, about his campaign, about Seokjin’s album. At one point, you get up to creep over to his side when the smell of whatever he’s making becomes more prominent. You try to peek at the pot, curious, but he just shoos you away by bumping his hip against yours.

When you give him a small pout, you pretend not to notice the way his eyes dart to your mouth. You retract yourself from his personal space, choosing a spot on the other side of your kitchen island, staring at his back as he works.

You watch him expertly navigate your kitchen like he’s been here before. When he’s finished, he makes you sit down, not even letting you help bring the food to the table.

“What is it?” you ask once he’s settled in his seat, everything plated in front of you.

“Kimchi jjigae,” he says, a proud look on his face. “My mom’s recipe.”

It’s endearing, and it makes you smile.

For the most part, Yoongi lets you eat in peace, though there’s still a couple of flirtatious comments here and there. Every time it comes, you bite down on your bottom lip to try and snap out of that daze before you cough, as if that would help tone down the colors adorning your face. There’s no verbal response from you, and it seems like Yoongi doesn’t expect one either, because he just chuckles. You think he must notice the palpable nervousness that radiates off of you, but it’s not like you’re doing a very good job at hiding it.

You’re taking baby steps and he knows it. The fact that you even agreed to this at all is already major progress.

When you’re done eating, he clears the table while he asks you to open the expensive bottle of wine that he brought over. It does wonders for your nerves.

Three glasses in and you’re visibly more relaxed as you both sit on the couch in the living room, facing each other. There’s a small smile on your face that you can’t help, maybe it’s some of your inhibitions wearing off as a side effect of the alcohol. 

You glance around the room, and you take in the sight of Yoongi sitting here, this close to you. He feels bigger than your small world can handle.

“You know,” you start. If the wine didn’t make you more mellow, you probably wouldn’t be saying this. “There are thousands of people thirsting over you every day.”

Yoongi tilts his head, swirling the wine in his glass. “Really?”

“Don’t you look at the internet? I personally know two girls from college who are on the Yoongi Marry Me train,” you say matter-of-factly, like you aren’t borderline tipsy in front of him.

You aren’t an avid Twitter user, but every time you check the damn bird app, Yoongi is almost always trending. In every single one of his posts on social media, there is always an influx of comments asking him to marry them. Not only that, when word first got out about you collaborating with Agust D back then, people you knew - both old friends and acquaintances - practically bombarded your messages to see if it was true, and to ask if you could get them an autograph.

Yoongi stretches out his legs until they brush against yours. Your stomach flips even though it’s only your legs that are barely touching.

“The what train?”

“You seriously don’t know about the Yoongi Marry Me movement? Look it up. It’s a whole thing. People would do anything to, I don’t know, hold your hand or something.”

With an amused look on his face, he holds your gaze. “Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you do all of that just to hold my hand? Because you don’t have to, y’know.” He brings the wine glass to his lips, partially hiding his face from you, and you don’t know whether he’s doing it for your sake or his in preparation for the words he speaks next. “But I would do it to hold yours.”

You’re sure that your cheeks are burning bright, your stomach twisted in knots. It’s the wine, but it’s definitely the effect of his words too. You stare at Yoongi in surprise; no matter how many times he openly flirts with you, he’d still elicit the same reaction from you. It’ll be hard to get used to it. He just always seems to know what to say to make you blush like a schoolgirl, which you resent but you can’t deny the sparks of excitement that make your fingertips tingle.

Yoongi is smooth, and it’s even worse - or is it better? You haven’t decided yet - that you know he means every word he says. It makes you feel… wanted. It’s good to know that he’s being genuine, and to know that Yoongi isn’t the type of person who would ever pull the rug out from under you.

Yoongi is… stable.

You suppose, after everything you’ve been through, that stability is what you need. It’s good for you.

You try to swerve around the thoughts, to avoid them at all costs, but deep down you know now that they’re glaringly true.

That love is stored in two bags of groceries, so filled to the brim that some onions almost fall out. Love is stored in every flick of his wrist holding a knife, slicing the sharp blade across your cutboard. Clean cuts, yet he’s never this way when it comes to you.

Love is stored in a fond smile and adoring eyes when he sees how you cradle your expensive dishware like it’s a newborn baby before you set it carefully on the table.

Love is stored in a Yoongi-shaped silhouette, dancing over your countertops with practiced precision in every movement, filling in the cracks of your home. The love in him is reserved because you, like the moon when it crescents, still have a ways to go.

When he stands at your door an hour later with his coat in hand, you wait for him to speak first.

“Performance review?” he asks. “How did I do?”

“I… liked it. It was nice,” you say honestly. But you still feel the wine in your system, and it makes you bold enough to tease him for a change. “But it was my first date in a while, so it’s hard to tell if that opinion is objective.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Do I qualify for a second date then?”

You hum in thought, making him wait on purpose. “Yeah, I guess,” you say, feigning nonchalance, which earns you a hearty laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks, hopeful.

“Don’t know yet,” you answer, though you’ll probably end up going home and catching up on a kdrama. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Just in the morning. I have a shoot in the afternoon.” He shifts to lean his weight on his other leg, tipping his body closer to you. “But I can pick you up after.”

“Yeah? And where would we go?”

Yoongi shrugs in earnest. “Just drive around? Grab a bite?” he thinks out loud, tilting his head slightly to one side for emphasis. “I could take you to that popup store you mentioned.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You would stand in line with me to buy a novelty mug?”

“Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to stand in line if I gave them a call,” he says, grinning. “One of the perks of the job, y’know.”

“Must be nice,” you laugh, then shift to lean just a tad closer to him. You look at him for a brief moment before you agree, “Yeah, okay.”

You and Yoongi stand there at the door, each of you on either side of the threshold. This would be an appropriate moment for a kiss, you think. That explosive first kiss, if this were a movie. Exhilaration courses through your veins. You feel it from your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. The feeling is rendering you a mere teenager again. 

It’s exciting because it’s new. You have the entire book ahead of you, waiting to be written. At this point, anything could happen. You’re a blank canvas waiting to be drawn, a blank page hoping to be written. 

Wait.

Back up.

A kiss?

A kiss?!

With Yoongi?

You’re thinking about kissing Yoongi?!

Fuck.

Fuck?!

It’s the wine.

Your thoughts knock against each other like bumper cars, echoing loudly in your brain that it almost gives you a headache.

You stay still as Yoongi leans down, your heart racing while your brain just keyboard-smashes. You can’t tell if you want him to kiss you or not, but when he only presses his lips against your cheek, you feel two emotions at once.

The first is disappointment, the second is relief. They press down on you with almost equal force, and you’re not really sure which one weighs heavier.

Baby steps.

You blink when he pulls away, and he just smiles fondly at you as if he can read your mind.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You watch him until he’s in the elevator, until the doors close and the lift descends. Even when you know that he must be on his way to his car and that someone else is making their way up, you stand there, with your hand loosely wrapped around the door handle, your breathing slightly erratic as you process what just happened. 

Déjà vu? 

It’s oddly reminiscent.

You’ve been here before.

Part of you thinks he’ll burst through the elevator doors, or rush up the stairs if the lift is occupied, and come back to grab your face and kiss you senseless.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook knows you’re probably waiting for Yoongi.

He’s seen Yoongi pick you up after work almost daily over the past couple of weeks, and it’s driving him insane. Even on the days that Yoongi comes to the studio during the day, the guy is all over you, so much so that he doesn’t even bother being a nuisance to Jungkook anymore, which just makes him a thousand times more insufferable.

Something is happening.

He can’t weasel shit out of Jimin anymore because Jimin has been especially tight-lipped after accidentally spilling Yoongi’s confession to you.

Because that should be him in Yoongi’s place. Or should he say his place, and Yoongi is just a placeholder. An imposter.

Because it used to be him that you smiled shyly at.

Jimin’s words have been plaguing his every waking hour since he was forced to hear them. If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too. It feels like he’s rewinding all of your memories, retracing them with cautious fingers only to find that his every footstep is being erased to make room for someone else.

An abandoned dirt road, while you walk down a flower-filled path holding someone else’s hand.

Like you’re stamping him out.

Like he was never there at all.

Not only are you denying him a chance, you’re giving it to someone else. When he tries to move at someone else’s pace, all he gets is left behind.

It’s not about Yoongi; or at least, it’s not just about him. Yoongi doesn’t even really matter to Jungkook in this equation. It’s about what Yoongi represents. An idea of a person that Jungkook can never be.

A bigger life. A stable present and an even brighter future. Yoongi is everything better than him.

And that’s his own problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. At the end of the day, no one has to live with his insecurities but himself.

But still, he can’t help it. Whenever he sees you with Yoongi, his eyes burn. Please don’t let him take my place, he wishes every time, you’re the only good thing about me.

It’s jealousy, sure, of course it’s there. 

But what if you realize what everyone else already knows? That Yoongi is better in every single way. That Yoongi is the person who really deserves you.

What if you start to see Jungkook the way he sees himself?

You hating him - despising him with every cell in your body - is a thousand times better than you deeming him unworthy.

“I talked to Jihyo,” he speaks up suddenly, when it’s only the two of you.

“Okay,” you answer, never taking your eyes off the page in front of you. You must have circled the words daisy a thousand times already, wracking your brain for anything that rhymes. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this, but good for you.”

At this point, you wonder if you should just avoid the studio for the time being. It’s empty here again. You resent Seokjin for drowning in concept photos. You resent Namjoon for leaving Jungkook here to fend for himself, but it’s only fair, because Namjoon was only supposed to give him a helping hand, not take over the whole thing. You even resent Yoongi a bit, for not being here right this second.

“I talked to her,” Jungkook says again, ignoring your sass. “She won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

This makes you look at him. You never asked him to do this. You never asked him to do anything. In fact, you have only ever implored him to sit still and leave things alone.

“She never gave me a hard time,” you say. Sure, you don’t appreciate being given the death glare first thing in the morning, but it’s not something that you can’t ignore. It doesn’t actively affect you, and the only reason Jihyo does it is because of Jungkook.

Because he broke things off with her?

Because he gives you more attention?

Ugh. Attention?

This is the stupidest and most childish thing you have had to think about in ages.

“You said she acts differently toward you.”

“And aren’t you the reason why?” you counter. “Because you two were fucking?”

Jungkook visibly winces at your words, like he did when you mentioned it the first time in the break room. You don’t mean to be snarky; you’re just stating the facts. They were hooking up. 

You don’t harbor any ill will toward any of his past lovers, and that includes Jihyo. You know she doesn’t have anything against you either, at least not on a personal level because you don’t know each other well enough to do so. She’s just someone you pass by every day on your way to the elevator.

“So why did things end?” you ask just for the sake of it, since he was the one who brought it up. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

He hesitates for a moment. “She wanted something more and it wasn’t the same for me.”

It’s stupid that the tiny voice in the back of your head resurfaces, hoping that you were the reason why he couldn’t pursue things with another woman.

Jihyo isn’t you, that much is clear. You never asked for anything more from him, not once from start to finish. He was always the first one to pour love into you. It’s arguable which one of you loved the other more - maybe you loved each other equally, just in different ways - but it was a fact that Jungkook always took the initiative. He made the first move so you wouldn’t have to. He gave you the option to match his affection, and never have to worry about being left out to dry.

He took initiative, right until the very end.

You bite your bottom lip, then give him a curt response, “Okay.”

Your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi but you don’t open it just yet. You look at Jungkook, who only looks back at you. His lips part slightly as he searches for the right words, or any word at all. It’s like you’re asking him to navigate a minefield when all he has to do is be honest. Even if he told you that he fell out of love with you, it wouldn’t be that bad. You would be hurt, yes, but you wouldn’t blame him. You would understand. It would be a reason.

Silence fills the room, save for the continuous tapping of your pen on paper.

He says your name, pleading. “I’m trying here.”

At Jimin’s party, Jungkook said you were someone important to him. You don’t doubt that he meant it, and that’s what infuriates you the most. You’re important, but he keeps running circles around you and making your head spin. You’re important, but everything he’s done makes you think that you’re the opposite. You’re important, just not important enough to get an explanation.

You know he’s genuine about everything he says, but that’s not enough. You can’t sustain yourself on just his words alone.

It’s another cycle of the same conversation, running over and over and over again. He’s reaching out but he’s holding back. You’re still getting nowhere. You don’t know how many times he has to make you ask this, only to not give you any clarity at all.

If there is a trait of Jungkook’s that you both love and hate at the same time, it is that he doesn’t know when to quit.

He texts you every day even when you don’t reply - one for good morning, and one for goodnight. He gets you a chai latte every day, which doesn’t do shit for your concentration because there’s not enough caffeine in it. He gets the door for you whenever you go into the same room together. He hounds your every waking moment. He makes sure that he’s the first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thought that crosses your mind before you go to sleep.

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

You suppose this is him, showing up again. In a lot of ways, it’s selfish. But it’s an effort too. Now your phone is full of meaningless messages that remain unread.

You barely glance at him. It’s routine at this point. He tries in ways that you don’t bother acknowledging anymore, because you figured that the best course of action is to let him wear himself out.  When he has had enough of it, when he deems his efforts to be enough to absolve his guilt, he’ll stop. He has to.

But at what point does it stop?

At what point will you stop wanting to give in to him? Your mind rages wars with itself every time you feel his eyes on you, and you have to kill the urge to not turn your head and look at him too. At what point will you stop wanting to go to him and let him in again? At what point will you stop unconsciously making him a priority?

All of this, you supposed, is to say: Do you still love him?

You know that if you sit down and get to the root of it, you’ll find an answer you don’t like. Even in this moment, you want him to tell you just a fraction of the truth, because that would probably be enough to reel you back in.

Your own heart claws at your chest but this is how it has to be for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time, gently nudge your heart in one direction like a child that needs to be goaded, until he doesn’t live on the forefront of your mind anymore.

Until someone else does.

“No, you’re not.” You stand up then, closing your notebook with more force than necessary. “If you’re really trying, then I wouldn’t still be wondering why I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”

Even then, you’re still hoping that he’d say something else. But when you’re only met with silence, the anticipated disappointment in you bubbles, boiling. His reluctance to clue you in makes it easier for you to decide.

There's someone else who's willing to give you things that you don't even need to ask for.

In your mind, it's clear who you should choose.

Jungkook clenches his teeth, holding his breath as he watches you shove your things into your bag. “Are you going home?” he asks after a minute.

You could say yes and let the conversation die a swift and simple death. But for some reason, you choose to kill it violently. You bite the inside of your cheek before you tell him, “I don’t know. Yoongi’s picking me up.”

The chagrinned look that takes over his features for a split second is one that you immediately catch. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure you know how he feels about this, or maybe you still have a way of reading him somehow. Regardless of what his face tells you, he doesn’t prod any further.

Your phone vibrates on the table, the sound ten times more thunderous amidst the silence that’s befallen the both of you. You don’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling, and neither does he. When you leave, the sound of your fading footsteps ricochets off the walls. It shoots right through him.

He hears every word of that conversation ringing in his ears then. He recalls that afternoon’s sunset; it was the most beautiful sunset he saw that year, despite the sun overhead mocking him with every magnificent glint of light. He sees the look on your face when his words finally register in your mind, the Oh moment when you understood what he was saying, when the smile you wore sunk helplessly to the floor because even though you knew that love had an expiration date, you hoped your love would be the exception. 

That memory fades, only to be replaced by something much worse. He sits there with Jimin’s words, echoing in his mind, reverberating around the room.

Technically, you and Yoongi haven’t been on a second date. You think.

You’ve seen him almost every night since the dinner, when he picks you up at the studio. Sometimes, you two just drive around. Sometimes, you sit by the river in the cold, eating hot ramen cups and giggling over nothing. Sometimes, he just takes you straight to your home if he has a packed schedule the next day.

These days, you see Yoongi even more than you see Taehyung. Even though he hasn’t explicitly implied that any of these outings is a date, you know you aren’t hanging out as just friends anymore.

It feels good to be wanted. The feeling is reinforced tenfold because it’s been so long that it’s like you’re experiencing it for the first time in a new body, as a different person.

But even after all of that, you two can still go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. Because in a way, maybe nothing did happen. Maybe things have always been like this between you, the only difference is now you’re noticing the meaning behind his words and glances.

You two can still go back, because technically, no line has been crossed.

But tonight, something feels different. It’s colder, but Yoongi keeps you warm with all the looks he’s been giving you all night.

It feels like you’re both toeing that line right now. 

You know that once you cross it, things can’t revert back to the way they were anymore.

You know that it will happen eventually, because Yoongi isn’t doing this just to half-ass it. He won’t back out, and he has made it crystal clear from the start. 

Usually, this is the part where he tells you goodnight and you have to pretend not to freak out when he kisses you on the cheek in goodbye.

He takes a step closer, you take no step back. 

“You know what I’m about to do, right?”

You do. You could say you’re even hopeful.

“I might have an idea…”

“Okay,” he says easily. He takes your waist in his hands and brings you closer. The way the corner of his mouth tugs upward tells you that he’s pleased, that you know what’s about to come and you’re letting it happen. Still, he asks, “Can I?”

You nod. That glowing sensation washes over you in waves.

“Words, princess,” he reminds you. 

Your hands land on the lapel of his coat. “Yes, you can.”

He chuckles, and squeezes you a little tighter. 

Then it happens.

The line you clumsily drew in the sand has been erased.

Yoongi is kissing you.

You’re kissing him back. 

He’s soft and warm and he holds you like you’re delicate. His sincerity, you can feel it in his kiss, and it’s only a fraction of it. Regardless, there is still life that blooms this winter. Inside of you, small and fragile, but it’s there.

You sigh into his mouth, feeling completely limbless if not for him holding your body upright. One of his arms wounds itself tighter around your middle while his other hand tucks your hair behind your ear so he could cup your cheek more easily. Yoongi tilts his head further to one side to deepen the kiss. You feel something in his kiss that you have never heard in his words, something soft and pleading. Wanting but still contained. Out of fear that you might run away, perhaps? You can’t blame him though. You are a bit of a flight risk.

The wind dances past like a nosy bystander, pressing you further into him like it wants you to be more sure in the way you move, in how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him. Instead, the cold just makes you shiver.

When you break away, his hand on your face moves to hold the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t look half as flushed as you think you do, though his cheeks are slightly rosy.

Through a thin veil of clouds, the moon still shines down on his profile. 

The chill in the air, the mesmerizing view of moonlight dancing across his features, and most of all, the way you’re still lost in the kiss, in the feeling of being wanted.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up,” he says, after you stay silent for a beat too long, hooded eyes basking in the warmth of a heart chasing your own. You want to want him. You do want him, but there’s still something missing. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but for now, you try not to dwell on it too much. Just let it be. Maybe in time, that void will inevitably fill.

Yoongi holds your hand through the lobby and on the whole way up even if neither of you says anything, just shy glances in the elevator and bashful half-hidden smiles. You don’t invite him in once you get to your door - because an invite now insinuates something that you just aren’t ready for - but he does kiss you again. If the kiss you shared downstairs is a proper goodnight kiss, then this one means see you later and doesn’t last half as long, but it makes you tingle just the same.

He pulls back, only to dive in again, and again, and again, until one chaste kiss turns into five and you have to push him away with a giggle so you can breathe.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still set on your mouth. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Yoongi,” you say, a little breathily, like oxygen hasn’t sufficiently made its way into your lungs since downstairs.

He rests his forehead against yours. “You’ve never said my name like that before,” he sighs.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you again.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth and pretend to consider this even though you know you would like to be kissed again. “Maybe I do,” you say after a beat, bravely. “Just one more.”

He gives you your final kiss of the night then, one that lasts a second longer than the others, like he’s trying to memorize how you taste.

You head in once Yoongi is out of sight. You lean your body against the door the second you snap the lock shut. You touch your lips lightly, reliving those moments again even though they happened mere seconds ago. You’re buzzing with excitement like a schoolgirl, every feeling coursing through your body all at once. 

You’re familiar with this. It’s the stage right before every love song you listen to suddenly reminds you of that one person.

You go through your regular evening routine with a pep in your step, thanks to a certain person tonight. You take off your carefully applied makeup and take a nice, hot shower. You think the heat would help melt away the high that you’re riding - like you’ve had too much coffee to drink and now your senses are beyond heightened - but it doesn’t. Once you’re fresh and comfortable in your PJs, you still feel that jittery feeling seeping through your pores, keeping you awake. There’s a message from Yoongi that tells you he has made it home safely.

It’s still early, and you’re far too restless to go to bed. You decided to brew yourself a mug of chamomile tea, even though you don’t even like chamomile and you can’t remember why you even have it, but they say that apparently chamomile is good for sleep. You decide to take the mug into the living room to sort through your mini mountain of mail that should’ve been dealt with days ago.

Sitting underneath that pile of junk mail and letters addressed to the previous tenant even though you’ve lived here for nearly two years, is a cream-colored card addressed to you. The material feels smooth under your fingertips, like velvet if that’s even possible. Inside, there are two names - one you recognize and another you don’t - typed out in a fancy calligraphy font and encircled by pretty flowers, all pinks and whites and romantic.

The saccharine sensation associated with the thought of Yoongi dissipates instantly. Instead, your mind blanks, only to buzz to life again momentarily with a newfound sinking feeling dragging you down.

You suddenly realize that Jungkook hasn’t crossed your mind once tonight. Not until now. That crestfallen look in his eyes from the other night appears in your mind again, clear as day.

You are, quite literally, holding someone’s declaration of love and yet, it’s not joy that you feel, having been asked to join them on their special day. 

You never thought you would see Jungkook’s family again - even though you always adored his parents and you felt that they loved you too - let alone receive an invitation to his brother’s wedding.

remember when y'all said u wanted a wedding?? well u didn't say whose wedding 😌

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted march 27, 2023]

[ms-scarletwings]

A Messy, Sedulous Necropsy of Zib Membrane

That’s what we call him right? Not Invader Zib? Hell if I know, we’ll let the tags decide.

Whatever he is christened by his author, enemies, or fans, this titular villain of the Zimvoid is such a mind blaster to me. I wish we had more time with him within the comics. I wish he had been a concept explored in the show. I wish he had a movie. I am having fun with a little hyperbole here, but I truly do find him just as interesting and potentially pivotal of an antagonist as Tak was, if not even more.

Both, of course, were so badly underutilized for sake of the series status quo. To that, Zib was a much bigger threat than Tak, and especially to that of the comics’ own. He potentially changes everything, and somehow absolutely nothing by the end. The TV show always had a more overt tone of cruelty and the macabre floating about its themes. These print issues? I don’t dislike them. It’s still recognizably invader Zim, and the more the merrier, content-wise, but longtime fans can feel that there was this change of essence in the transition. More obviously, in the art, but more subtly, there was an audible softening of that bluntly darker, cynical tone the show was made iconic for. To put it very generally, they lean a little more into the whackiness of this world, there’s a lot more dark comedy to be found in what I’ve seen so far rather than in your face darkness, and in the absence of the ost and voice acting the show accustomed us to, the comics leave a lot more room to be read as you wile. To me, they’re goofier and more episodic in spirit.

This all is not a critique or rating on the comics.. It’s purely, I feel, why Zib stuck out to me all the more jarringly in his context. His reveal was a genuine twist that brought forth stakes higher than arguably any other threat in the entire franchise. He represents a plausible while horrifying prophecy of our main characters if only they made worse decisions. The most interesting of all, for every piece of amazing information he fed to us, he bred dozens more questions about everything than he answered, from Irken machinations, to his ambivalent backstory, to the secrets hidden by the sum of his parts.

Though he was left evidently alive at the end of his story, I don’t see any chance for him making a return, so he is memorialized as another defeated one-off the writers have brisked past and left behind for good. Therefore, I’m here today to take what we got and present it on the metaphorical autopsy table. I want to really pull apart why this character alone pulled me back into the TV series, really just flay open the bits I can’t get out of my own head and dig harder until we find something or we run out of threads to tug at. Starting with the one already hanging out of my mouth, but

• B.E.F

“Bad End Friend” is a term I learned the meaning of within the last 12 hours or so of writing this, and I’m exuberant over that discovery. It’s a niche trope i didn’t know ive been a giant fan of since I was a child. Summed up, fictional characters from beloved media, typically, animated child protagonists… given the worst case scenario treatment. Their “bad ending”, whether that means a corruption arc, demonic possession, a lovecraftIan tragedy… usually something that’s anywhere along the lines of a fate worse than death to a full villainous turnover. As a treat. The concept is strongly associated with fanworks and AUs of popular media, but just as often this is something that becomes explored in the source material as well. A couple great examples I know would probably be Ice Prince Finn from Adventure Time or what happens in Undertale when you decide you want to run the most depraved playthrough possible. From a more mature story, “Evil” Morty is another validly arguable sample.

Besides a bit of a fondness I got going for certain dark or spooky themes in general, what I REALLY love about canonical BEFs the most is their utility as characterization tools. They’re the “having your cake and eating it too” option! The perfect way for an author to explore certain things about any character without actually committing to well… a bad ending.

Almost always, they are necessarily hypothetical or reversible. If they’re not reversible, they go often hand-in-hand with a little universe tampering to make happen. Sometimes, this means the story goes the way of time travel and branching off butterfly effects. Sometimes it means confirming multiverse theory, which can be the same thing depending on your semantical position.

And Zib crossed off the BEF qualifications by far and away. His implications are extremely dark given any pause think about them, and he’s a living, disturbing tragedy in aftermath. If you want to view a rigamarole about that aspect of his characterization as he appeared in the comics, someone else long beat me to that and I’m enthusiastically recommending a peek at their own work. I’m thrilled to do so and build a little upon that with those extended what-if-wonders.

• Lessons From a Lost Episode

Elephant in the room I haven’t seen someone ask yet, uh..

By show rules, isn’t Zib supposed to be a clear case of the writers committing the sin of retcon? By show I’m including the unaired scripts, including “10 Minutes to Doom”. In that one we had what looked like the potential setup for a Zib case, and it was deconstructed across the whole episode.

In short recap, Dib learned the hard and reckless way about the true nature of what Irken PAKs actually are. This is not an inventory bag, it is not “gear”. It’s the actual Irken entity- at least, the primary component.

Detaching it from the organic shell essentially caused a temporary split into two instances of Zim, desperately trying to connect back together under threat of obliteration.

Like let me be very clear about this,

The PAK is an autonomous instance of Zim’s consciousness, and it’s the main one. We’ve seen it act to save his life when his body has been out cold or flatlined, and he doesn’t appear the least bit disoriented or confused once “he” wakes and jumps back into the action. There’s no known separate computer assistant AI or security autopilot in there. That code, that program, IS Zim. As Long as the PAK is active, he is capable of staying fully conscious and able to react to what’s happening around him, and that’s what we’ve been seeing, his own actions.

Zim proved me right when Virooz tried to replace him and detached the PAK. Take note of his phrasing after the chair event™.

“I” activated the protocol. Immediately after Virooz ran off with my shell.

“I” Voluntarily chose to do so.

I don’t remember it playing out like that in “10 Minutes to Doom”.

Attaching to a new host wasn’t the first reflex. Dib was not the least bit aware that that he has literally holding the actual Zim captive in sense, and the latter was fighting like a cornered animal to escape him. Failing that, alongside the distance between him and his original body growing fast, he made a last desperate gambit, and he willingly connected himself into Dib’s body.

I can see why he thought this was better than nothing, no matter how repulsive the notion might have been. If he couldn’t fend Dib off physically, he could incapacitate him in some fashion by trying to overtake his will. Maybe give the shell a better chance to catch up, maybe in the longshot hope of being able to pilot dib in order to become whole with the correct host again. And you can say he succeeded, at least in dominating bodily control away from Dib, but at the cost of his already tenuously held sanity. This could be because of the interference of Dib’s own mind still resisting to fully submit, or malfunctions because of the biological incompatibility; however, the thing that Dib mentally becomes is only the basic idea of what “Zim” is. Instead of remembering it needs to reunite with its shell ASAP, the PAK mistakes Dib’s body for its own and goes through the manic motions of following the Invader mission. And it does this, weirdly enough, with almost no regard for blowing its cover.

When things are set right again, Zim’s later words near the episode ending revealed that he knew that was an unsustainable state.

Such a risk was not just accounted for, he was actually banking on it if that clock had hit zero. If Zim had truly lost, if he was really doomed to meet his end on this nasty rock in the middle of Nowhere, Space, then by every damned circuit in his being, he was going to take down this insolent fool boy and as many other humans possible with him. A dying act of vengeful rage.

• The Exceptional… Exception

Now, wouldn’t all of this be the definitive reason for Zib’s existence to be an aberrant impossibility? Yes, but actually no. Fun thing about multiverses is if something doesn’t work in one setting, you can just tweak a few dials and suddenly you have a world where the impossible becomes possible. But that’s a pretty cheap answer, isn’t it? So, what exactly was that crucial difference?

What happened in Zib’s timeline that went down so, so divergently from the events of 10 Minutes to Doom?

Because the only one who was in any position to explain it for us was Zib himself, and he’s proven to be one of the most unreliable of narrators. It’s as @dana-chan-the-control-brain already spared no effort to demonstrate, when he does tell us something about his past, his story is pocked with contradicting half-truths or outright lies. Ergo it helps to break down each recount of events to pick out the real facts.

Version 1: This is an alternate version of dib who defeated his complementing Zim (logically sensible) and went on to achieve all of the success and respect he sought after in his timeline (absolute bullshit). He kind of gestures and only implies about what has happened to his body while explaining that he came to his current understanding of Irken technology by studying it through Zim’s lab (a partial truth). He lets slip in passing that he has in fact fused with the PAK in order to learn how to alter and reprogram its coding, lessons he has applied to Number 2 in order to have a brainwashed pawn (also apparently true).

Version 2, when cornered and red handed: This is an alternate version of Dib who managed to specifically stop Zim's mission (Again, makes sense) but somehow could not convince the world of his findings or his warnings about the Irken Armada (*VERY eyebrow raising). Frustrated with the people’s lack of cooperation, he decides he has no choice but to physically merge with Zim’s PAK post-mortem (concerning and evidently mostly accurate), dominate the Earth himself, and enslave humans to help him in his efforts (highly troubling and probably true). The construction of his EMP super-weapon is successful, but ultimately led to the creation of the Zimvoid when the device was field tested (self evident, absolutely horrifying).

You know what I noticed was missing from both of these accounts? Exactly how his Zim was defeated. Which honestly could have been some beyond useful wisdom to pass along to the main Dib??? More than anything else? I’m not going to fault our boy for not pressing that matter better under the awing circumstance; however, there’s an implication I’ve been reading between lines. 

When Zib mentions “defeating” his own Zim, he’s talking about something different than ours.

When our Dib has always talked about “defeating” Zim, he’s meant incapacitation and capture. Throughout the show he explicitly wants to present Zim before an audience alive and whole. Yeah, he fantasizes about other people torturing or disassembling him for study, but HIS role was supposed to be reaping the fame for an undeniable, ground-breaking discovery. Conspiracies and cryptids are all this kid breathes and lives by! And as long as pop culture has always been fascinated with the paranormal, and he has to know this full well, people keep bringing forward hoax after hoax after scam. I mean there’s a freaking current one or few still going IRL about this exact topic. Dib would want no room left for being dismissed as another one of those con artists. 

Nonetheless, I actually doubt this is the reason Zib couldn’t get through to the scientific community. A genuine alien lifeform, even a dead one, could still be confirmed by any basic medical examination. The world thinks Dib is too crazy to listen to, but his father is still Professor Membrane. In "10 Minutes to Doom" OUR Dib got as close as having Membrane literally analyzing a PAK, or at worst, preparing to. “Ultimate Dib” gets his hands on the same thing and pulls a move I’d expect from an HP Lovecraft Protagonist instead.

We’re assuming way too much to what these two Dibs have in common, because this ^^^ is really what made the Zimvoid an outlier in the multiverse. That world didn’t only have a very different, more threatening Zim from the main timeline, it had the Dib who proved even more formidable, cunning, and ruthless, even before the fusion. 

He didn’t obtain that PAK ala the “10 minutes to Doom” accident, it’s a personal trophy. This is extra strange remembering that capturing an Irken is realistically more easy than killing one. They’re seriously more tenacious than kudzu and will even fight back in PAK form alone. I’m convinced that whatever sort of final showdown made the Ultimate Dib the victor, there are two optional endings on the table.

Option 1: There was not a body even left intact enough to bring in to research. Maybe Dib’s fault, maybe an accident, maybe even Zim’s own luck running out and his incompetent antics finally swallowed him (and possibly GIR). This theory assumes that the PAK was the only sort of remains to come into Dib’s recovery/possession.

Option 2: Curiosity Killed the cat,

but satisfaction brought it back.

Or, the one I personally headcanon. Dib… all Dibs, I assume, don’t just hate the Irken species. They are mesmerized by them, and all that they represent from his perspective. Firstly, the epic villain he gets to roleplay nemesis to in order to feel his own worth and importance. Secondly, an unknown wonder from beyond the boundaries of the cosmos. He’s not really a ghost buster or a Men In Black agent at heart, but a scientist, like his father. Underneath his contempt for Zim’s plans to destroy the world is a genuine and appropriately childish awe for alien presence, especially for Zim’s technology. His silent, dopey smile when Tak’s ship ended up in his backyard said more than words ever will.. 

Earlier in the show, a great deal of Dib’s time and effort was spent on trying to infiltrate the lower levels of Zim’s base. Sneaking into the house was hard enough, but the computer security can’t be bypassed like the gnomes. Not even by Zim himself unless he really is all himself. Perhaps you’re starting to sniff where I’m going with this one when I refer back to “Bolognius Maximus”. I’ve another reference that’s a little more on the nose, and a lot more… dark.

Were an expired Irken husk before you, you too might take your victory and cash in then. Still, who knows what sudden impulse may run through the head of a less humble version of yourself, one some could call greedier, obsessive to a fault, a screw or two loose, yet, a hell of a smart cookie. Smart enough to see it for what it actually was, the keys to a whole world of discovery that went so many layers deeper than they could ever imagine. It’s possible the Ultimate Dib already learned beforehand the same hard lessons about the PAKs that our own did, and took that understanding toward not repeating the same mistake this time. What happened to Zim? I think he was murdered in cold blood, body, and entity. “10 Minutes to Doom” showed us a fight between 2 brains clinging to one body, struggling until one overpowered another, but that’s not what this is. Through whatever means of science were available to him, this Dib has probably tried to “disarm” the technology by either erasing Zim’s consciousness out of it altogether, or by forcing the autonomous code into a kind of dormancy. His intentions were to render it back to its basic hardware without losing its precious knowledge and usefulness, something like the brain-filled tank that was wired into Skrang’s head. Zim’s PAK doesn’t cling onto his body like a parasitic teratoma this time; it’s merged in a literal sense with his nervous and circulatory system. As well, he has fooled the device’s ability to detect and reject a foreign host shell, the exact same way he deceived the the base’s security AI. If an Irken biology is what these measures authorize to command them and their secrets, then he had the tools on hand to give them just that- in an atrocity I like to call

the darker harvest.

Within this theory, there is not as much room to wonder exactly what became of Zim’s organic remains. 

But where Dib fucked up was, for the second time, in his ignorance to the true nature of what he was even playing with. That was a mistake that even the mighty Elder Brains of Judgementia lost themselves to; How much more vulnerable was the weak, human mind? Though Zim can be devoured, he can never be digested. In that fact was born this aberration against nature, sanity, and humanity alike.

"Have you ever heard of insect politics? Neither have I. Insects… don't have politics. They're very… brutal. No compassion, no compromise. We can't trust the insect. I'd like to become the first… insect politician. Y'see, I'd like to, but… I'm afraid, uh… I'm saying… I'm saying I - I'm an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake." - Seth Brundle, The Fly, 1986

By fusing what is half-mad and what is utterly mad, neither being was cured, only assimilated into the birth of a new madness. The madness of the creature that snickers behind the curtain in the Zimvoid. I rightfully fear that lonesome thing, but not I think as much as I pity him.

• Dejavu, or Re:Plagarism

One more thing about the Zimvoid arc I find curious is the way it makes you question more and more just how much of the aberration is actually still Dib, and how much of it is Zim's infection haunting him. He does nothing with all of his intellect, his resources, and his time in the void doing anything but surrounding himself in everything he claims he despises. He decries alien tyranny in one breath while lording over a homemade, cruel dictatorship in another. He calls for eradication of the very race who's technology and physiology he has thoroughly appropriated. He laments feeling unable to protect the Earth from the Armada alone, yet sneers literally through Irken teeth to insult humans as inferior and of no value to him any longer. Our Dib spent the whole damn show longing for the support of other people, but Zib pushes away potential allies in his arrogance. His broken timeline never became a Dibvoid instead because while only half of his mind can't stand Irkens, both of the souls inside him remember that they loathe and look down upon a Dib, deep inside.

The corruption goes as far as even subverting his own creativity. None of Zib's plans are wholly original. His anti-Irken weapon was already a concept blueprinted inside of that PAK before the merge. Our Dib has several times shown a propensity for some DIY ingenuity, sometimes dipping a toe into the supernatural. Zib entirely calls upon, scavenges and regurgitates Irken designs with a few modifications or upgrades. The Dib Virus, I think is his most uninspired creation yet, for it's original form was always something inside of Zim, even if the latter himself was not aware of the fact. Like all else, it is a weapon he has plundered, customized, and turned around on everyone else for his own selfish ends. This brief point I will end on one  more reflection. The one kind of help Zim ever allowed at his side were the likes of GIR and his own creations. Unable to connect and cooperate with his peers and own kind, his ego preferred to be around those defective machines he related to- drones to be owned by him and always loyally at his beck and call. A slave to admire him unconditionally is the only companionship he's ever been willing to admit to desiring.

And what was Number 2's purpose again? What role exactly were the arena combatants auditioning for, when you think about it?

[themouthwasher]

sighhh, this is my selfship sideblog, for jimmy, i selfship with him

i guess you can call me LP, kinda like lp records lol, thatll be my nickname here, he/it pronouns, 18 years of age

taken by my beloved @swansuke (and jimmy too of course)

pleaseeeee check hidden theres some clarifications in there cause i know an account like this needs clarifications (plus a bit more random info bout me)

PLEASE READ THIS!!!

yes i know hes a horrible piece of shit, i dont support his actions, i hate him, but my brain says fuck all to morals when it comes to stuff thats fictional and decided "hey this guy seems silly, im gonna fall in love now!" whenever i think of lovey dovey stuff i try to place it in a sort of au where he didnt do... all of that. but yeah, theres really no "good" way to do it is there? i get most people will see it as wrong no matter which way i try to spin it so just please block and move on if you have a problem with it

not particularly proud of the fact i selfship with him (if you couldnt tell by how ive been talking about it so far) which is reason i made this blog, im not gonna admit this to anyone else so i might as well make an account where i can love him anonymously, honestly i have quite a bit of internal turmoil over loving him but thats to be expected when its... him. expect random bouts of "i fucking hate this man he makes me so mad /srs" immediately followed by doting on him cause my brain hates me being happy

tldr; i dont support his actions and lowkey hate the fact that i selfship with him, but hey i didnt chose to fall in love (if i could chose this would be a daisuke blog just sayin)

a bit about me

uhmm ive got autism, adhd, and bpd, and i feel like that definitely all shows itself in the way i act, i guess i act pretty unstable?? im also a very paranoid person, over like, everything, idk what causes it but its basically the stereotype of what people think of when they think of paranoia, i dunno i think that pmuch sums up whats wrong with me

i draw sometimes, though i doubt ill post anything, and i like music a lot, its my spintrest (but ill try to keep music talk to a minimum lest anyone manages to figure out who i am by my music taste) other than that uhhh i guess i like horror and bugs, and i bet youll never be able to guess what my favorite game is

dont really have much of a dni? dont hate on me obviously, i wanna say proshippers dni but with the nature of this blog i feel like most of the people who would actually accept me are proshippers :/ id prefer if you guys didnt follow me if you were open about enjoying really problematic stuff but id be hypocritical to cuss you guys out, id say im an anti but at this point idc, if i have a problem with you ill just block and move on

speaking of not really having a dni, any doubles, if youre out there i guess, feel free to interact, although sometimes i do get really protective and jealous outta nowhere so do be warned

tag list!!! woohoo!!! this post is also tagged with all of em so you (or more likely i) can easily click on them and get scrolling

"💚 i can fix this" is my rambling tag, check that out to see me talk about how much i unreasonably love that man

"💚 tuplars copilot" is for fanart reblogs

"💚 kills 99.9%" is my misc reblogs tag, whether it be non fanart posts about jimmy or completely unrelated posts that i reblogged with him in mind

"💚 polle says" is my ask tag, just any posts where im answering any asks i get

"💚 lp draws" is any of my art that i post, couldnt think of anything creative for this one

"💚 chatterbox" is me either talking to other people or posting stuff that doesnt really have anything to do with jimmy (and the tags not a reference, how revolutionary!)

"💚 i hope this hurts" is things reblogged/posted with hatred or anguish in my heart, i mightve actually got seething mad at jimmy seeing/making those posts but bleh whatever its jimmy so on the account it goes

"💚 not safe for tuplar" i think im so funny, i wont be rebloging anything too extreme and ill try to keep post like these to a minimum, but thats just there if you wanna mute it i guess

"💚 favorite posts" is self explanatory

[beesmygod]

what do u think are the top 5 stand fights in jojo

this is very hard. at first i thought it was bc there were so many to choose from but when you narrow them down it's a pretty short list of bangers. the problem is the short list is extremely good. here is my best attempt at what ive read so far

READER BEWARE: SPOILERS ARE THERE

star platinum vs the world

example: oh? you're approaching me?

like, obviously, you have to put this one up really high. its The Fight of All Time. it has everything:

a dramatic character death that is NOT in vein......rip to kakyoin the sickest little boy in all of egypt

the apparent death of beloved bastard joseph joestar, in which he gives the longest dying speech since hamlet that sounds like "jotaro! press the A button to punch dio really fast and reffill your meter!" only to be returned to full health at the end so he can do the single greatest prank of all time.

jotaro finally says something so cool it makes you want to stand up and scream for him in sheer rapturous joy

polnareff gets a good hit in.

dio becoming subject to the exact same torment that he inflicts upon others right before a death that definitively underscores that he is lesser than he knew himself to be is perfection. honestly an incredible end to one of the greatest villains of all time. it feels very, very earned and satisfying

killer queen: bite ze dusto vs. the entirety of the town of morioh

example: yoshikage kira traumadumps about getting a boner to a stranger

i actually think this one is my absolute favorite of them all. the communal effort to take out yoshikage kira is a monumental undertaking; he is an absolute bastard with a seemingly endless string of luck. living members of the community who have good hearts, his victims who have been waiting for justice, strangers from far away dedicated to righting wrongs, and a completely powerless 10 year old powered entirely by the raw energy of a child's pure conscience band together to end a literal cycle of violence. how the fuck do you defeat a man who has already killed you and you don't even know it?? how do you stop someone who can turn back time?? it truly fucking seems like hes going to get away with it at the end. and then AGAIN you're like "oh no oh my god hes going to-" and then the single greatest villain death in the history of manga happens lol. ohhhhh its so fucking good.

its another battle thats made all the better by the sum of its parts. the entire yoshikage kira arc is near perfection. the set ups, pay offs, and who it chooses to celebrate as the heroes in the end creates a very satisfying cap to a great series.

osiris vs the stardust crusaders

example: jotaro loses a hand, and increases his bet

i love the stand fights that barely end up being stand fights. star platinum throws i think a single punch in this fight and its to light jotaro's cigarette, a mere taste of the sheer, near impossible speed of star platinum. how fast IS star platinum anyway....would you.....bet your life on it...??!!!!

a friend online told me about the "jotaro has autism" fan theory, and i was like "hm. whatever" until this episode, when i fully 100% believe that jotaro not only has autism but has figured out how to hone and weaponize it against his enemies. all these morons have to do is win a game of chance against a professional gambler who also openly cheats. i love this shit. this is the part of the story where jotaro really, really starts to shine and his unique strengths as a little badass piece of shit start to come through. i think he really starts to solidify his personality here when he finally gets a win that isnt based on "punch something really fast".

oingo and boingo/hol horse and boingo vs themselves

example: hol horse, noted woman respecter, does a flying jump kick on a random rich woman and she's so grateful she pays him in jewels

im counting these as one because i can and i want to. these episodes are fucking tops. easily top 5 eps of the entirety of stardust crusaders. i dont think anyone involved in the anti-dio squad had any idea oingo or boingo existed. bringing back that stupid asshole hol horse is literally always going to be appreciated as he's one of the best recurring villains even though his stand fucking sucks lmfao. boingo's too actually. his stand is he has a book but the book is an asshole. great goofy shit. what is fucking wrong with polnareff and joseph

da morioh boyz vs rohan kishibe

example: rohan makes every comic artist in the world mad

speaking of "whats wrong with him", ive posted a lot about rohan so i'll spare you it again but it's all highlighted best in his first ep. the one where he eats a spider, tears a child's face off for artistic inspiration, and tells another he has a whack ass haircut.

~honorable mentions~

jotaro vs literally two rats: the man who defeated dio and all of his minions almost gets completely smoked by jerry the mouse of tom and jerry fame.

koichi hirose vs yoshikage kira: aka the sheer heart attack fight. clever solution, funny jotaro moments, explosions, koichi levels up, THREE FREEZE, etc

joseph joestar and avdol vs bastet: a rare comedy stand where the joke is good. mariah is a fun antagonist. its also a rare pair up that turned out to be a lot of fun. they play off each other well (badly)

yoshikage kira vs stray cat: foil ep to jotaro's rat episode. weird perspective, fun to see kira play the hero briefly.

team bucciarati vs pesci and prosciutto: aka fighting old lol. the twist on how araki keeps prosciutto's power going while making him inaccessible is twisted. beach boy is also a skin crawling stand. very dangerous boys.

[swans-chirping-in-the-distance]

for the songs

New Person, Same Old Mistakes by Tame Impala

Killer Queen by Mad Tsai

Villain by Stella Jang

(ack sorry if these aren’t the best— they were the first songs from the top of my head 😔)

Ooooh okay

Maybe biana about her crushes? Like first she liked Keefe and then maybe her liking Tam or smth but feeling like it's unrequited

"Feeling it overtake/ All that I used to hate" she hated not having someone care for her like that other than surface level

"Wonder what if we trade" like she doesn't want to like someone who doesn't like her back

"All the signs I don't read" they're not interested right (although Tam kinda is in canon but maybe it's dex who is also kinda interested in canon??? Yk what. It's Keefe biana and insert person biana could have a Keefe situation with)

"Going with what I always longed for" she wants love

"Feel like a brand new person/ (But you make the same old mistakes)" she's changed sm but like same situation

"I don’t care I’m in love/ (Stop before it’s too late)" poor bbg

"I'm thinking it's worth the fight" she's trying tho

"Man, I know that it's hard to digest/ But baby this story ain’t so different from the rest/ And I know it seems wrong to accept" this sums up like biana having to go through that again

Gisela omg

"There was this girl/ The most beautiful in the world" leaving this here

"She would walk the halls/ And everyone would whisper and talk/ 'Cause all the girls in town wanted to be her" maybe kid Gisela??

"She's a devil in disguise/ The prom queen has blood on her hands" Gisela is so sweet idk what yall are talking about (lying)

"Every boy and girl she dates" very few believe in straight Gisela

"Disappears without a trace" she's just silly like that

"So be careful when she asks you to dance" if Gisela asked me to dance I would wake up to vesperas ghost torturing me

"She's a motherfucking killer queen/ A psychopath at seventeen/ A beauty in a blood-stained dress" she's so lovely wdym

"She'll fill your heart with kerosene/ And light you up 'til you can't breathe" soooo this is what she does to keefe

"If you cross her path you just might end up dead" *cough* vespera *cough*

"There was this girl/ Who was broken by the world/ 'Cause everyday at school they'd push and shove her/ But she had a plan/ One day she would get her revenge/ And those cheerleaders and jocks would be six feet under" this kinda sums up my theory for how she went batshi

"But behind those angel eyes/ Lies a devilish surprise/ The prom queen has killed for her crown" VESPERA

"Every boy and girl she seeks/ Never comes back in one piece" Cassius is fucked in the head and vespera is fucked in the existence

"She's dancing by herself" bro just left the neverseen

Omg this is Alvar to biana hear me out

"We all pretend to be the heroes on the good side/ Some things are black/ Some things are white/ You shouldn't look through colored lenses/ You're the good guy/ He's the bad guy/ Your boring world is in black and white" just the whole vacker legacy thing and how he's against the black swan

"So many shades of gray" He's trying to manipulate her

"Think twice before you like me" the reveal

"Because/ I'm a villain/ What makes you think otherwise?/ You don't know what a wicked little devil I am" basically the reveal

"You're a villain/ What makes you think otherwise?/ The villain you failed to notice breathes within you" this is so smth he would say to her

"I'm killing someone maybe/ You're killing someone maybe/ I'm killing you maybe/ You're killing me maybe" its so him!!

"We all pretend to be the heroes/ On the good side/ But what if we're the villains/ On the other" vacker legacyyyy

"The person you hate the most/ Is somebody's beloved child" he would!!!

"You don't know what wicked little devils we are/ We're all villains/ What makes you think otherwise?/ Look at us, the devils we failed to notice" eeekkk

[not-so-myconid-witch]

Two weeks ago, I experienced a violent attack that left me hospitalized. Tragically, my beloved father was killed, and upon returning home, I learned that my mother had also been taken from me. I am now staying with family friends, but they are unable to provide the resources I need to safely evacuate to Egypt, where I have relatives who can care for me.

To secure safe passage, I require $7,000 - a sum I simply cannot afford given the devastating losses I've endured. I am facing the unthinkable prospect of being sent to a refugee camp, which I know will not provide the sanctuary and support I so desperately need at this time.

Your compassionate contribution could make all the difference in allowing me to reach safety and begin the long process of healing and rebuilding my life. Any amount you are able to share would be deeply appreciated and would go directly towards covering the critical expenses needed for my evacuation.

I understand the sensitive nature of this request, and I want to assure you that I will handle all donations with the utmost care and discretion. The safety and well-being of myself and my remaining family is my top priority, and I will ensure that your support is used solely for this purpose.

Please let me know if you have any other questions or if there is any other way I can provide further information. I am truly grateful for your consideration during this incredibly challenging time.

fuck you for trying to profit off of a genocide you scamming piece of shit

[joycieillustrations]

For the " WRITERS" post:

🧑 Are there any OCs in the piece? Do you think readers will like them?

And

👀 Can you give us any sneak peaks?

I’ll answer these with Ad amorem! Please let me know if there was another WIP you had in mind 💕

🧑 Are there any OCs in the piece? Do you think readers will like them?

There’s not any OCs I can think of off of the top of my head - other than Robart, who I introduced in Ex libris as a friend for Corlys - but I will introduce a couple of characters from Fire and Blood that have not appeared in HotD nor been mentioned, so their depiction is almost like an OC. The primary one I’m thinking of I think people will really like: a female friend for Rhaenys, older and bolder and a great giver of advice when Rhaenys doesn’t have Alysanne to turn to. I can’t reveal her name because it’ll give away one of the plot points, but I’ve enjoyed what I’ve written of her thus far!

👀 Can you give us any sneak peaks?

Of course! This excerpt is from the WIP for the opening chapter of Ad amorem:

“My dearest Corlys,

It has not even been a day since we have parted and by the Gods, I miss you so.

Did you enjoy my display over the Blackwater as you departed? I do not think I have ever run so fast in my life, nor readied myself for flight so quickly - all to see one last glimpse of you, my love, to treasure during these weeks we must be parted. Two weeks is too short a time to have one’s love by one’s side, especially when one has endured so many years of solitude. How glad I am to have so precious a memory of you, husband-to-be. You shall ever be stood so in my mind, my bold adventurer, whenever I think of you: and I shall think of you, my lord, most fondly and most often, until you return to me.

I regret that I have not much else to report, what with your absence thus far only numbering a handful of hours. I must admit, I have already wept more this day than I have in many years. As we turned from you, love, my grandmother swore it would not always hurt so… yet I cannot believe it. Your absence is already a most tangible pain within my breast— and to think that but a few hours ago, I held you in my arms! To think that it has not yet been a day since we first embraced, since first we promised ourselves to one another. Oh, that I had had courage sooner! How many embraces might we have known then? How cruel it is to have such heady tastes of all that might be between a man and a woman, only to be obliged to wait so long a time before I might know more of such things.

As I write to you now, I am sat by the window in my chambers. I had never given much thought to it before, but I wish now my rooms afforded me a better view of the Blackwater — so that I might be better reminded of you, of course, by the sight of the sea that brought you to me. Mother caught me watching the waters from the ramparts. I can tell she is at a loss with what to do with a heartsick daughter. She says that this is the price of falling in love with an adventurer - with you, my beloved mariner - and that I will soon learn to endure it. I, however, am of the opinion that I am somewhat overdue some fits of girlishness, for I have taken great care to be sensible in my one-and-twenty years and thus am owed quite the sum of tears, sighing, and daydreaming. I plan to pine for you a little longer, my dearest husband-to-be, before I resume my role of dutiful princess.”

-

Thank you for the ask ❤️

[magic-is-something-we-create]

Hi magesmith

It's send an ask Sunday because I say it is. If your ocs were books on your shelves, what would they be? (You may categorize by actual plot or the covers or the colors of the spine, idc)

HI SLEEPY THIS IS A FANTASTIC ASK AND I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT SINCE I GOT IT AND I LOVE YOU THANK YOU

ok so i decided to keep this to the goddess-touched cast (specifically the narrators of gt itself because otherwise we'd be here for a week) and fair warning it has been years since ive read some of these books im vibe-checking so take some of these with a grain of salt. but trust me in that when i read these i loved all of them deeply

anyways first up we have EMBER whose vibes i tend to read as desperate to keep their family alive, signed up to do one thing to help them and a few others and ended up being dragged kicking and screaming into far greater importance than they ever wanted or thought possible, and extremely competent in battle while simultaneously not wanting to be, i have assigned them The Hunger Games and Red Rising, simply because i feel like they'd fit right in with both casts and maybe would Get the protags of both in ways not many others do

next we have NIMBUS whose vibes are that of extremely good at one thing and lacking in almost all other areas and constantly feels like the odd one out, no matter where he goes he's a puzzle piece that looks like it fits perfectly but once the puzzle's all done he's still there and because that has very isekai vibes in-context (he's extremely tech-literate in a context where there's no tech to literate, and as soon as he's in the context where that becomes useful he's actually like a grandma who doesn't know what phishing is and thinks facebook is google compared to the people around him) he is The Search for Wond-La and a bit of Skyward

with ANNIE a lot of her story right now is quite, uh, unexpected if you've read Firebreathers and extremely out of left field if you know her solely from what I've talked about on here, but i'll sum it up as constantly being underestimated and using that to her advantage, while only people equal to her skill are able to clock that she's hyper-qualified for the thing she's being put up to and thus i have assigned her The Will of the Many and Mistborn

and finally of all the main narrators (there's a couple others who have had very sparse chapters here and there, these four dominate this book) we have DUSK!!!! aka my beloved most favoritest oc who i like to treat like a terrier chew toy. his vibes are fairytale cunning re: exploiting loopholes and oversights in others' words, teenage immortality complex, and researcher at heart who simply wants the rest of the world to understand that science and progress are important. thus i assign him Babel and Iron Widow

thank u for coming to (and inspiring) my ted talk <3

[dropoff99]

Wheel of Time S2 Episode 5 - “Damane” is an achievement in adaptation that should be recognized

I’m not an active reviewer of this show or any other. It’s not something I am very interested in. However I think it’s important to note when a piece of art begins to transform into something greater than the sum of its parts, especially with an adaptation of this magnitude which has so many things to juggle it can make your head spin.

This series has been a part of my life for over 25 years. It’s as difficult for me to remove my bias as it is for anyone, especially when beloved moments from the series are changed. Any fantasy fan who has spent time around the genre has experienced this. However I feel that the fandom really needs to recognize what is happening currently on Amazon Prime’s Wheel of Time.

Robert Jordan’s Wheel of time is possibly the most ambitious fantasy series ever created. A magic system with as much depth as you will find in fantasy, hundreds of named characters, 14 large books, a prequel novella, a couple encyclopedic volumes, and now a major streaming series on Amazon Prime.

Up until this point half-way through the second season the show has been admirable in some of its attempts at adapting Jordan’s beloved series but I don’t think any fan (of either the show or the books) could really say it is has been a total success in terms of quality. S2 E5 on the other hand is simultaneously a great adaptation of the series and a great episode of television that could be the turning point from a capable fantasy show to an excellent one. Before we get into that let’s revisit where we’ve been.

Season 1

S1 had 2 really good episodes, a couple outright bad ones (finale), but mostly could be described as average storytelling hidden by some great performances by Rosamund Pike and Daniel Henney and set in a beautiful and interesting universe. For all intents and purposes it was a success in terms of attracting viewers, introducing new audiences to RJ’s series and being a decent show.

There have been some great casting choices and the majority of the cast has worked with a couple exceptions (recasting of Mat). The characters are firmly recognizable from Jordan’s work with of course some big changes as well that vary in terms of popularity with the fandom. However, the challenge of making the wheel of time universe really sing (ie the fantasy/lore concepts) was hit or miss for me in S1 (in many ways a miss). I’m not speaking of book accuracy, simply how interesting and cool they were.

Emonds Field 5 - not perfect but definitely a success

Myrddraal and Trollocs - success

Channeling - 50/50

White Tower - success

Thom/gleeman - failure

Ta’veren - TBD

Loial/Ogier - meh (admittedly high degree of difficulty)

Eye of the World - failure and was not interesting at all

Aes Sedai and Warders - biggest achievement of S1, huge success

Fal Dara - meh

Traveling people - meh

The ways - decent

Two Rivers - 50/50

Logain/male channelers - success

Darkfriends - success

Whitecloaks - decent

Shadar Logoth - decent

Overall an admirable effort, especially considering how much they adapted but IMO they had some big misses that brought down the season.

Season 2

So far the second season has seen a huge jump over the first season in terms of production quality, visual style, performances, and dialogue. Many of the actors on the show have found their footing, particularly Josha Stradowski who plays Rand. Every new major character they have introduced has not only been written well but their performances have been off the charts which I will touch on more when I discuss E5.

However the first 4 episodes were much like the first season. The pacing was hit or miss, some of the changes have landed (Nynaeve in the arches) and a few have not (namely Lan’s arc). Mat is still MIA but we will see how they land things with him later. Either way season 1 caliber storytelling combined with the other upgrades in acting, visual style, and overall polish makes for a pretty damn good product.

Episode 5 - “Damane” (full spoilers)

It’s difficult for me to fully explain why E5 was so satisfying. It is less about any one individual factor and more about how smoothly it weaved (no pun intended) many well executed components together.

The first thing I will start with is visual style. S2 has been an upgrade in general from S1 in many of its choices but Episode 5 is on a different level.

The initial location (near falme) Liandrin takes the girls is absolutely stunning. I took my own little photo above to demonstrate just how sumptuous this looked in 4K in my living room. The show has always been pretty but I will admit the variety of locales in S2 as well as the cinematography has been a significant upgrade. What I especially liked about this scene is that it did not lean on a slick establishing shot of a CG city or even a giant fortress/village made specifically for the show, two things WoT is very good at. Instead this is a simple scene in terms of CG. It’s just a waygate and the effects used for channeling all look great and are not too over the top. As far as set design it’s just the stone pillars for the waygate and the large throne that Suroth rides around on (and Seanchan costumes). Otherwise it’s a beautiful natural location that grounds the action and fantasy elements organically while pulling in the viewer to this world.

But that’s just a taste.

Story locations in this episode: Falme, Cairhien, Toman Head, The White Tower, Tel’aranrhiod, The Ways. And that’s not counting different areas within those places.

Each of the above have a strong visual language to communicate the various cultures and landscapes of Jordan’s universe and I don’t think it skips a single beat going back and forth between them. Forests, deserts, marshland, night scenes, day scenes, cities, villages, fortresses, and fantasy creations like the ways and the dream world. The show was in its bag in terms of something interesting to draw the eye the entire episode.

The performances were no different in terms of their variety and quality. Fares Fares (Ishamael) and Natasha O’Keefe (Lanfear) were probably the best on screen fantasy villains I’ve seen since vintage Game of Thrones seasons. They were engaging, scary, and villainous in a relatable but unapologetic manner, delivering line after line that could easily be viewed as cheesy if not for perfect execution in direction and tone. And frankly what I liked most is that the show didn’t fall in to the modern temptation to make them less evil. Sure they have their justifications/motivations but they are also unambiguous baddies from the viewer’s perspective which is true to Jordan.

Moving on to Rosamund Pike who we’re really running out of things to say in terms of her acting which has never dipped for a second for the entirety of the show. What was more impressive is how the show’s writers have demonstrated their commitment to showing a ruthlessly efficient character who will do whatever it takes to save the world. This episode highlighted her commitment to her cause as well as her intelligence in dealing with a character who is immensely powerful.

Ayoola Smart as Aviendha provided the best action sequence and an excellent dialogue scene with Perrin that efficiently introduced ji’e’toh and Aiel culture. I am really looking forward to seeing more from her as Aviendha is one of my favorite characters. On a similar note Meera Syal really got to flex her abilities as Verin in a much more recognizable manner to book readers than what we saw earlier in the show. It was thrilling to watch her pick apart Liandrin’s plot.

The last thing that I was really impressed by and primarily why I wrote this post to begin with is how committed the show seems to be to genuinely introducing some of the most difficult elements of the Wheel of Time universe which is honestly not what I expected given the first 4 episodes. Let’s take some inventory of what we got from E5 as well as S2 so far straight from the books/universe.

Aviendha/Aiel/ji’e’toh - success

Falme - as a location it’s a success

Seanchan - success (with a very high degree of difficulty)

Collaring - success

Lanfear/Selene - huge success

Ishamael - huge success

Novice training /arches - success

Cairhien - success

Horn - TBD

Elyas - success

Wolfbrother abilities - controversial but a success IMO

Tel’aranrhiod - success

Verin/Browns - success

Channeling - success

Mat’s abilities - TBD but this might be a big L

Min’s Visions - TBD but so far an L for me

Elayne - success

Do I think this show is going to be this good every episode from now on? Probably not. And yes there is still plenty to dislike from S2. Mat/Min are borderline non existent so far, the Lan/Moiraine arc was miserable until they separated, and Siuan hasn’t even shown up yet (despite having some badass scenes in the second book that are very memorable).

However I will say this is the first time where I’ve felt real confidence in where the story is headed both short and long term. If they do this for the remaining three episodes then Wheel of Time will hold the belt for best fantasy show currently running.

[artknifeandglue]

4, 11, 16 and 27 for the shipping questions if you'd like to answer 🫶🏻

4. Favourite OTP of all time: Hartwin my beloved I will always be here for you

11. If the creators of your favorite fandom asked you to write the ship canon-confirmation episode, what will you write/how will it happen? Oh my bod with canon currently where it is, this is one hell of a tall order. But! Tilde stays alive and decides to leave Eggsy (for whatever reason, she's not allowed to die, I like her) just as the world falls apart, Hartwin have to piece Kingsman back together while stopping some sort of megalomaniac, and Harry has to lean on Eggsy as both an agent and emotional support. They save the world, discover themselves, fall in love, get married. Mission accomplished!

16. What gif or screenshot most sums up your ship?

27. What is your favorite fanfic trope? Coffee shop AUs! Love them because I love coffee, but also love them because of how low-stakes they are generally/

[breadandblankets]

:pulls up a chair and plops my chin in my hand: pls talk about your aus

kai my beloved i care you so (lmao this is going long no ragrets)

okay! so lets talk calamity jason, this is just an excuse for me to 1) reread some old faves 2) read some new faves cause i want to understand the blorbos and 3) shove more headcanons than can possibly ever fit into my lil tumblin posts

so this whole thing started as an off hand comment to local of @/localizationed fame about how jason kinda reminded me of hua cheng lmao (theyre also obv very different but the comment was Enough) and i was like lmao what if jay was just Literally a vengeful ghost and then AUs

i really want to explore chinese jason here, as lady shiva being his mom is one of my favorite theories (which is basically supported by canon, plus or minus a little tweaking) also!!! jason and cass being siblings with vastly different philosophies of violence and justice as products of their respective upbringings are just so fun to think about

im also including duke a Lot in my story plans just cause 1) i like him and 2) i am giving jason a lot of sky/sun/stars symbolism and there is one other bat that has that in Spades it feels wrong to basically give jay some fusion/solar flare powers without Also including duke's meta powers (even if at this point in the story duke legit didn't exist)

this is shaping up to be a very jason cass duke story line, steph will be showing up pretty soon (as indicated by the ending of chap 5!)

i want a satisfying ending with some good dad bruce im sorry for the haters but i like it when bruce has any amount of character development, doug thomas is already holding the weight of me projecting my dad onto him, he needs the backup (actually dukes parents are really a chance for me to fulfill my quota of giving One of these mfers good parents)

this is literally the header of my working document, it sums up my feelings on the direction this is all going quite nicely

jason as a vehicle for my rage at the writers who killed off steph without so much as a by your leave? its more likely than you think

okay here are some rapid fire fun things

jay misses chinese micky d's something fearce, he doesn't know how to explain that its Much Better than US McD, luckily distance shortening arrays are a thing

he has a distance shortening knight chess piece, black water loves him a Theme

i have a crack scene written of jason calmly flipping over tables in metropolis when he wants to Really Fight

black water spritzed him with water when he was bad, but because hes black water, he just summoned a jet of water and made the spray bottle sound with his mouth

if i was going to have duke's parents jokerized i had a whole thingy where jay takes him in but because thats not going to happen, im thinking about duke's parents low key adopting jay (because who Wouldn't want more parents)

jay has a "demon mode" that he lives in when he's doubting his humanity, it would be big sexy if it wasn't so gosh darn sad

thank u kai, im sure this is more than what was anticipated but i can (and will) talk about this au for hours it has subsumed my brain

[daisywords]

relationship snippet tag

Share a few lines or a snippet that sums up the main relationship(s) in your WIP

thanks @swordsoulwrites for the tag!

I'm in a Starlight mood tonight (poor neglected beloved eternal wip) so here's a piece for the story's central relationship: Alya (mc) and Adira (her aunt)

“What on earth were you thinking, child?” She is all calm and quiet, but somehow that’s worse. 

I open my mouth to answer her until I realize I don’t have an answer.

Her mouth twists cruelly. “Oh, silly me. That’s right. You weren’t thinking.”

When she comes near enough, she reaches out and I’m expecting her to hug me, but she doesn’t. Her hand clamps around my wrist so hard that it hurts. 

I flinch away automatically, and something in her snaps, just a little.

“What on earth has gotten into you? I just saved your life, which was in peril in the first place because of your own unfathomably stupid choices, and you act like I’m the one that’s going to hurt you?”

It feels like the breath has been knocked out of me.

“You forget, Alya, but I know you. I know you aren’t repentant. I know you think I’m the bad guy. I know you, standing here with the audacity to feel victimized. You should be grateful, dear, that I still love you, because you should know you are awfully hard to love.”

And I shouldn’t be bothered by someone saying hurtful things to me, because I say hurtful things all the time. But with Adira it feels different; it always feels like she’s delivering a carefully planned speech. Even these words, that rip me up, are not spilling forth on accident. These are not words that she’ll regret. These are words that she means, that she thinks are true. That are true. 

And I know that I am hard to love, but that does not mean it is easy to hear it all matter-of-fact. 

***

I still don’t answer when she pulls me inside the house.

“You understand, right? You understand that I’m the only one who will ever be able to love you, in any true sense.”

I don’t look at her.

“Even Eli, even Jathan, aren’t immune to your other gift. Only I am aware of who you are, really. Only I can know you genuinely. Do you understand?”

I swallow, still staring out the window. 

“Alya. Are you listening to me? You are missing them, I know you are, but what are you really missing? You are missing a sham. Friendships built upon lies. It will only ever be hollow.” And she doubles that last part into my mind, letting it reverberate around the hollow space there for her, echoing. 

“It’s not—I’m not a liar,” I say, so quiet I’m afraid she won’t hear.

She laughs then, all dark and in her throat. “Of course you are, darling. But I love you anyway.”

She is better than me, then, to love a liar.

tagging @darthnell @zmwrites @briannaswords @elizaellwrites

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

As my third night of this grueling nightshift comes to a close, I breathe a sigh of relief and cry tears of joy. Not because I have survived another night, though yes that is important, but because I have finished the one thing that I set out to do back before November ended. Though I am supposed to be on holiday, I knew that I would finish this, no matter the cost. There are so many things I could say, about how much you have done for me, how important you have become to me on this journey. But I know that not a single one of them would sum up the immense amount of gratitude that I truly hold for you, V. The things that I have learned from watching your love for Stephen, the strength that it has given me about my own feelings for Tony, they are the things that I am truly thankful for.

Before I met you, I would have kept my love for him silent, mourned in my darkness and never spoken out about it. I would not have sought help here to process everything that I was feeling, how I want to feel these things. And the more I watched you, the more I realized that I truly didn't have to feel bad about the love I have in my heart for him. It's okay for me to want him here, to want him to have survived so that I can still dream of him. And while there are many, many others that I extend my thanks to, you were the first one that showed me loving a fictional character is okay, no matter what people say. And for that, I gift you this, one last thing before I rest my weary soul for the winter.

Thank you, beautiful flower, for all you have done for me - myself and for Tony - on this long journey. And I look forward to seeing where we go from here. Merry Christmas, my dear.

Oh my heart💗 - in all the best of possible ways!

I am so grateful that something that comes as naturally to me as breathing touched you in such a way that you felt freed to love and mourn and heal. I suppose I didn't get that you'd tried before to tell me this; I can be dense that way at times. But I understand now and I will forever love & treasure this amazing, beautiful, shining labor of your love. Love that comes from an immense heart, and that deserves to find its expression without hesitation or concern for appearences to the wider world.

The details of the gorgeous piece take my breath away. A ring on Beauty's finger...and a baby bump as well! Stephen looking so comfy (especially in that hoodie) and relaxed, holding not only his beloved, but the future they will share. I first saw this when I was half-awake, watching the end of the PBS Tabernacle Choir Christmas special (so I was in no fit state to reply) and as I fell back to sleep, my mind's perpetual fancy had me imagining Stephen finally saying, 'Yes...yes, let's make a baby together...' What a wonderful dream that would be!

I love seeing Tony & Damon together and happy, and that you included Tony's injuries from when he sacrificed himself to save the Universe. And a ring on Tony's finger too! I suppose it won't be too much longer until Stephen & Beauty invite their friends to take on the mantle of godfathers to Baby Strange (baby girl, much to Beauty's understated longing, as it took her mother six pregnancies to get her girlchild). After the first sketch you gifted me, I never would've imagined more--so this is the sweetest surprise and I'll adore it forever. In fact, I'm going to work on a way to make it my icon (although it may mean editing it down to just S&B, but I know you won't mind).

Mere thank you's will never be enough to portray my gratitude, so I will simply say: go rest your weary mind and soul, and may your dreams be blessed with those things you long for most, for you've more than earned that joy. Come Spring, I will be looking forward to hearing and seeing the ideas & artist visions that come to you in your hiatus! You have all my love ~ V

💜💙💜💙💜

[perexcri]

Perexcri, my beloved perexcri, it’s time to talk about aftry…

So first off i’m just gonna say i absolutely LOVE when authors and artists use light as a metaphor. Idk why but it always hits me so hard. This is probably the most obvious thing ever so i’m sure this is no grounbreaking observation but I took the light vs shadows metaphor as a stand in for depression. The voices that whisper to you that nothing but bad is coming for you but the light of hope that breaks through when you can share things with those you care about perfectly sums up how i personally feel when mine flares up bad. It was haunting, thoughtful and beautiful

As for the story itself, while yeah the action of thaba might have been missing here i definitely feel aftry was more of a ride. I love a good action piece as much as the next person but i also love the more character study driven stories like aftry just as much, probably a little more so because i tend to be a pretty emotional person in general so stories like these tend to get me a little more. The way relationships are explored here was also truly special. Getting to grow with them with all their ups and downs was so fun

As a musician i am always looking for new inspiration and you definitely provided! I wrote two pieces based on byler fics I absolutely loved and i think i feel one coming on for this one! I’ll keep you updated!

As always lovely i thank you so much for your gifts and sharing your stories with us! They are such a bright spot on my shittiest days and i appreciate you so much! Wishing you gentle days and nothing but love and light 💜💙💚

Jon i need you to know i read this message and couldn't stop smiling, so thank you for that :]

now *cracks knuckles* onto my beloved aftry. again, i cannot thank you enough for reading it. tbh, if i was forced to delete all but one of my fics from ao3, this is the one i would keep up. which is all to say it makes me overwhelmingly happy when people read it :')

ahhh yes, the depression metaphor!! listen, i am also a sucker for light metaphors. it's such a simple one but always so lovely to draw out and think about.

and now it's time for me to be personal on main, though i know i wrote about some of this in the author's notes in some of the chapters in aftry. basically i felt horrible when i wrote most of aftry; all of the first three parts and a few sections of the fourth part were all written in the span of about 3 weeks, but leading up to those weeks, during those weeks, and for several weeks afterwards, i felt horrible, but i couldn't really place what was wrong. i'd actually started feeling that way around posting the last ~10 chapters of thaba, and it just got worse and worse. in a weird way, i couldn't articulate what i was feeling to myself, but what i ended up writing (especially with Will's own thoughts and emotions) were very much what i was going through at the time. it's like i couldn't see how much pain i was in until i'd written 70k words of the fic, and even at that, i still couldn't really understand? it wasn't until i took some steps in my own life to get better that i was able to start looking back and realize how much pain i was going through

so, here's a fun easter egg for you: this actually kinda shows up in the story itself! i had originally intended for Will's interaction with the mindflayer-esque shadows to give him prophetic visions or something of the like, but by the time i got around to writing that third part where they're kids, i started describing the shadows in a way that i would typically reserve for mental health matters, and i genuinely couldn't get myself to stop no matter how much i wanted to go with the prophetic visions route. so, i think there's a conversation between those two in one of the earlier chapters where Will asks about an uncle who tried to kill the king? yeah, that's what was originally gonna happen: Will was gonna predict the uncle's betrayal, and then the king would exile him for treason or whatever. i had already changed the story by the time i posted that chapter, but i was so miserable that i couldn't think of a way to change it and just kept it lol

wow okay!! sorry for the rambles about light and dark and depression lol. onto the next things!

i'll just be straight up with you: nothing makes me happier than hearing you say aftry was more of a ride than thaba because of its emotional ups and downs. it's like i beat myself in a competition or something lol. but seriously, i'm glad you enjoyed it!! i am also a huge fan of character-driven stories and emotional studies of our dearly beloved blorbos. i'll take a story where nothing but a conversation or thinking happens for 20k words over an action-packed 5k words

and this is a small thing, but i like that you said you enjoyed growing together with them, because that ended up being such a big theme of this fic for me: growth. i wanted a story that was really emotionally messy and showed both of them failing and having to try and reconcile their differences, and i'm really proud of the end product and how it incorporated those things :D

also i know you're super talented musically, and if you write a piece for aftry, i think i'll be forced to retire from writing tbh. like that would be the peak for me. but seriously, no pressure whatsoever to do so!! it does make me happy when something i've made inspires other people to make things, though, mostly because i think the world is a better place when people are making things they care about :D

which is a really circular way of saying create if you so desire, but if you end up not wanting to, no worries at all!! i expect nothing and this ask alone is enough to have made me feel the happiness of a cat happy-rolling in a patch of sunlight on the floor

and how am i supposed to top your ending paragraph :') you're always so sweet and nice, and are a genuinely bright spot in this fandom. i know i appreciate your presence because i know you're a positive force in a world where it's very easy to not be so. i'm grateful for these little interactions via shared blorbo brainrot (lol) and for everything that is to come! i wish you flowers and light :] 💐