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mv1simp · 5 months ago

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Haunted ♥️ Part 1 of 2

Alpha!Max Verstappen x Reader (Omegaverse AU)

READ PART TWO HERE

it’s where we go, it’s what you see (I know if i’m onto you, you must be onto me)

As Mercedes’ rookie female driver, you garner a lot of media attention, even more when you reveal you haven’t presented. You don’t care about true mates or presenting - all you wanted was the championship. You’d be a lot closer to it, if it wasn’t for the dominating Alpha Max Verstappen. But after your late presentation, you two realize there’s a lot more to your bond than competition.

Content includes: 18+ MDNI, smut, size kink, primal themes, dom!Max, Sub!Reader, enemies to lovers. WC: 5.4k

Triumphantly holding the trophy up in your hands, you beam at the sea of black and white fans who scream their approval. Winning your second race after having fought your way throughout the season as the new Mercedes driver was an unforgettable feeling - sealing in that it was your talent, not luck that got you the first. And no one had given you a harder time and held up your long overdue win than the reigning world champion - Max Verstappen. Turning to your right, you reward him with a smirk as your national anthem finally plays instead of the Dutch one.

He doesn’t hide his frustrated glare at you from his P2 podium that instinctively makes you want to sprint away and hide in your safe garage behind Toto. You’re a bit annoyed he’s still taller than you, even though you’re on the highest step. One of the downsides of being 5 foot compared to Max’s tall 6 foot frame - but that hasn’t stopped you from finally taking the win from him and proving how deserving of your seat you are, you remind yourself.

As the first female driver in decades, you’d sent shock waves through the paddock when Mercedes had pulled you out of the F4 pool and straight into their seat after the loss of their golden boy, Lewis Hamilton, to Ferrari. What had been even more shocking was the fact that you were an Unpresented female in a sport that was almost exclusively dominated by Alpha males.

Like the majority of premier athletes, most of the drivers had presented from a very young age as Alphas. Unsurprising - given the traits of ruthless competitiveness, aggression and passion that came naturally to Alphas. And out of all this group of already highly dominating drivers, Max Verstappen was the alpha, well known for his perfect instincts, the ultimate apex predator. His early career was famous because of how, at 17, his intimidating aura had been enough to make grown men racing on the same track give way to the younger alpha. This automatic submission Max was able to elicit from others was one of the many, many benefits that came with being an Alpha in society - especially for one such a powerful as Max.

So when you - who was not an Alpha, or even a Beta, but rather an Unpresented - showed up to the paddock for your first ever race and then ended up somehow going wheel to wheel with the reigning world champion by Lap 20, jaws dropped and headlines were rapidly printed. Presenting as an Alpha was rare, an Omega even rarer - with the majority of the population being Beta. However a small population also remained Unpresented, spending their whole lives without any sign they belonged to any gender. Essentially, you were like a scentless Beta - but just several rungs below on the social ladder as Alpha commands had minimal effect on you. It could be worse, you had mused when started racing - you could have been born an Omega.

Omegas were a rare breed and highly sought after. With their attributes of being sweetly nurturing and natural carers - they made the perfect match for protective Alphas. Of course, as the world had historically always been ruled by Alphas, in turn Omegas had been stereotyped as the soft, submissive, delicate ones who needed to be closely guarded in society’s eyes.

So it had been suprising to you that there were not one, but two Omega drivers on the paddock this year. Yuki Tsunoda made sense, you supposed, with his slight frame and pretty features giving him away. But he certainly swore so aggressively up and down the track he’d have the commentators asking if maybe he had been assigned the wrong group. Alex Albon had been much more surprising with his very Alpha-like build - but given his quietly confident aura and gentle nature compared to the other drivers who were always aggressively arguing, it made sense looking back. And it had been even more surprising when he announced he’d found his true mate and Alpha, his girlfriend Lily.

Really, you were grateful you didn’t have the drama that came with being assigned a presentation. Even if it meant you would never have a true mate, you could live with it if you could have a shot at being world champion. But goddamn Max Verstappen, with his intense gaze and powerful aura that even you would feel tickling the back of your neck, across the paddock, would keep getting in your way. Your first P1 though, 2 months ago in Japan, you hadn’t let him win and successfully defended him off. It was the only advantage of being Unpresented - unlike the other Alphas and Omegas on the track, you were the least affected by his suffocating presence and used that to your advantage when pulling dangerous manoeuvres that vexed the Dutch driver to no end.

And he’d certainly let you know it after your first win - after a neutral indifference to you when you approached him on your first day to greet him, unlike the majority of the drivers who’d curiously flocked to the first female one. But after you took P1 from him, he claimed angrily, with dirty fucking moves, what was that overtake on the 2nd corner- you’d formed an instant dislike of him. Just because you didn’t bend to his will like everyone else?! Just because you’d won using the same move - you pointed out to him furiously - that he’d used to overtake you on the last race?

The pair of you had become quick rivals, butting heads more and more as each race went on and providing lots of great content for the media which ate it up. Sometimes Max would confuse you into thinking you were friends - occasionally murmuring helpful advice as you watched the post race highlights in the cooldown room, or shutting down sexist questions you’re repeatedly asked in the driver interviews. You’d think this was the warm, caring Max that you’d heard existed off the grid. But then you two would have some racing incident or the other and he’d be back to the fire breathing lion he usually was.

That first P1 in Japan had been bittersweet to you - because after your argument with Max, when you’d gone back to your hotel to admire your new trophy, you’d started to becoming increasingly unwell for a few days and had high fevers. You hadn’t even realised what was going on until your Beta coach banged on the door demanding to be let in, before saying you were finally presenting, 5 years late, as an Omega.

You’d been shocked and upset, of course, leading to a very traumatic first heat in a foreign country where although the desire and lust hadn’t been intense, the longing for an Alpha to comfort and protect you as you cried and whined has been so overwhelming. You had never wanted to feel anything like that again, so disempowered - so you had sworn your manager to secrecy and after a very private meeting with you, your teammate George Russell, your managers and a very concerned Toto Wolff - you’d tearfully told them what had happened. You’d expected to be dropped from the team, but they had taken one look at your distress and instantly calmed you down. Mercedes will most certainly not be dropping their very promising rookie, who had just taken P1 at her 4th ever F1 race, Toto had reassured you firmly, exuding calm confidence as he handed you a tissue. George’s large hand rubbed warm circles on your back and within a few minutes you’re laughing at jokes the two tall Alphas made to cheer you up, unable to resist the urge to protect the small Omega in front of them and using their scents to soothe you.

Regardless of how understanding your team principal had been, the fact was it would be terrible PR for you to publically present as an Omega female and risk the loss of sponsors. Given that the first heat after the presentation was notorious for being especially painful in an effort to attract a fated mate from the very start, Toto had guided you to a discreet specialist doctor to ensure the world continued to believe you were Unpresented. You’re relieved, hating the idea of being stereotyped as something delicate and pretty to be protected when you were anything but. You literally drove like a suicidal madwoman at 300km/hr for a career! So you’d promptly been started on high strength suppressors to avoid any issues with a first heat happening in the middle of a race weekend, and a couple sprays of sweet perfume later no one would be any the wiser if they picked up on any residual Omega scent that the suppressors couldn’t block.

So here you were now, celebrating your second win in Barcelona with a few of the drivers and friends at a 3 story club downtown. Although you’d been enjoying drinking and laughing with your friends, you’d been unable to stop the shivers that ran down your bare spine from your rival’s intense gaze, still simmering with anger, across the dancefloor where he was talking to Lando. You hated the way that you still felt so affected by him, by his scent that always seemed to drift over to you, always smelling more and more heady each time you saw him. And the urge to submit to him was just stupid and desperate, you thought, rolling your eyes and taking another shot. It turns out your “slutty inner omega whore” as you had not-so-fondly dubbed her, seemed more interested in having a strong Alpha’s dick inside her, instead of hating said Alpha for trying to run her off the track. Multiple times.

And tonight, the suppressants were clearly not doing their job because you couldn’t control the way you squeezed your thighs together, panties suddenly damp with the thought of an alpha like Max keeping his eyes on you - instead of the girls who had been throwing themselves at him the second he’s entered the club. You tell your inner slut who delighted in this attention to get it together, because the attention was likely murderous rage from the competitive Dutch champion at losing a race. Forcing yourself to ignore the prickles down your spine, you take another shot instead and head back to the dance floor.

Many, many drunk dances with your girlfriends later, you found yourself safely dropped off at the hotel. Pressing the button, you waited patiently for it to come down, fanning your face because you felt strangely hot in the night chill despite having left the club. And then you feel it - that heady, dominating aura that makes you want to fall to your knees. Spinning around, you see Max standing there, dressed in a rare outfit of a fitted white tee and tight pants, accentuating his broad shoulders and thick thighs. Fuck, you had forgotten Redbull was staying in the same hotel as your team this weekend.

He smirks at you, asking if you’d had a good night celebrating, because it’ll be the last win he’ll let you have this year, Princess. You despised the nickname he’s given you over the Redbull radio one race, and how it had stuck in the media too - the pretty little Mercedes princess. You give him an unimpressed glare and tell him to fuck off, Verstappen as you get in the elevator, staying right by the front with your back purposely to him. As the doors close, you can’t help but notice through the reflective wall how Max’s dark gaze unabashedly wanders down your body, enjoying the sight of your curvy, petite form dressed in a backless halter satin minidress and stiletto heels that accentuated your thick ass. Forbidden delight curls in your abdomen from the thought of an alpha as strong as Max finding you desirable. A deeper part of you - one that you would never admit to anyone - can’t deny that you desperately wanted Max to want you, having always idolised him before you joined F1. That when you’d picked out this dress you wondered if Max was going to be out tonight, if he’d see you in this outfit…and find you pretty.

And you’d never, ever admit that recently you woke up with damp thighs and lingers of a dream of being underneath a dominating blonde Alpha, his voice deep and accented as he whispered for you to take it all for me, prinses…

Again, you promptly tell your inner slut to close her mental legs - just in time as the elevator opens before both your floors to let in a large group heading to the upstairs bar.

They’re a drunk, rowdy bunch of businessmen and you’re in no mood to be felt up - and you find yourself moving beside the protective aura of Max. You scowl at how you couldn’t seem to control yourself around the taller man then find yourself surprised when he moves to cover you from their curious gazes. His wide shoulders block out their view of how enticing you look as he crowds you into one corner, his back to them. You nervously make sure you don’t stare anywhere else but straight ahead at his toned chest, your heart beating at 200bpm as the desire that’s pulsing through you being this close to him. Especially when he’s decided to look so fucking hot tonight, that intoxicating deep scent making you light headed, like luxurious velvet running down your skin, like burnt amber, smoky and woody from the embers of a winter's night fire. That wicked inner omega of yours can’t stop purring at how your scandalous choice of dress gives Max a generous view down your cleavage.

The elevator comes to a stop with a sharp jolt on the businessmen’s floor, startling you out of your thoughts and you find you’ve placed a manicured hand on Max’s toned abs to steady yourself. And as soon as you touch him - the first time you’ve ever laid hands on him, you realise later - electricity crackles in between you both. His scent becomes all the much headier to you - as if all the same flavours had suddenly become 10 times amplified. It makes you whimper and again, your body betrays you with the fresh wetness that suddenly drenches your panties.

The change in the air is instant, tension clearly palpable as you nervously peek under Max’s arm and realise the group of businessmen aren’t leaving the lift - and instead all their eyes are turned in your direction with lustful gazes. You shiver but don’t hesitate to glare at them as you tell them to get out. They don’t move, looking entranced at you, when a low, threatening rumble from Max’s chest makes it very clear that you are not to be messed with - unless they wanted to go against the strongest Alpha in a 100 mile radius. Slightly tilting his head to look back at the group, Max’s narrowed eyes and threatening aura makes them run off with their figurative tail between their legs.

The elevator closed with neat ding, moving back up, and suddenly you realised you were in a very compromising position with your rival - who had definitely noticed the very Omega-like addictive, sweet smell you were giving off as a supposed “Unpresented” female.

Verstappen- you say anxiously, frantically thinking of what to say to convince him to keep your secret. But all thoughts are cut off when Max unexpectedly leans down and buries his face into your neck, making you gasp. Your hands grab his shoulders to push him away, to ask what the fuck he thought he was doing. But the words don’t even make it out of your mouth because your head is spinning from his lips now pressing kisses against your delicate collarbones. Somehow, you’re finding yourself winding your fingers in his blonde locks, which were just as soft as they looked.

By the time the elevator reaches your floor, you’re almost falling to the ground from the sensation but Max easily supports your weight against him. He’s guiding you out of the lift and trapping you against the nearest wall - and following immediately with his hard body pressed right up against your soft one. You’re whining that he needs to stop, what is he doing, you’re in a hallway for anyone to see, but he cuts you off again with his husky voice as he breathes out that this scent, your scent, princess…fuck, I’d thought it was perfume or something but it’s all you, isn’t it? I can’t get enough of how intoxicating you are.

Tilting your head back with his strong hands, he bends down to the opposite side now and shuts up your half hearted protests by licking a line straight up the column of your throat. Oh my god, your inner omega was having the time of her life right now. Max, you murmur weakly, and he sharply inhales as your gazes meet. The dark hunger in his eyes is clear when he tells you to say that again.

And when you sweetly call his name again, he’s kissing you, still leaning against the wall in the dimly lit hallway, and you automatically moan into the passionate kiss because it feels so good, so right as his lips moved against yours with a gentleness you hadn’t expected.

But when the lift dings, signalling another arrival to your floor, Max turns to look with narrowed eyes at the potential threat and you’re reminded of how wrong wrong wrong this is and how you’d lose all your sponsors if the media found out about this scandal. So you use his second of distraction to use your small frame and slip under his arms, hastily swiping your card and slamming the door behind you when you enter.

Heart beating, you lean back against the door as your replay what just happened over and over, your hands running over your tingling lips where Max’s - your rival - has just been a second ago. Across the other side, Max leans against your door just the same. He’d let you escape his hold - for now - but he wouldn’t next time, because he knew what it meant to smell a scent so divine it made him want to destroy anything that so much as glanced in your direction. That made him lose all inhibition and pin you against a wall as he desperately resisted the urge to bury his fangs in you right there. You were his fated mate, he thinks with relief, pure joy and warmth spreading across him with the idea of having you as his mate. The one who he’d not thought he’d find at age 26 after meeting countless women. And yet here you’d been the whole time, right in front of him, the only driver who drove him so wild on the track. He'd never thought about why the pretty little Unpresented driver was able to generate such strong responses from his Alpha unusually quickly. With a backwards glance to your room where you safely hid, Max wandered away, contemplating how he was going to claim his Omega who hated him.

Meanwhile, the kiss has sent you into an absolute flurry of panic, trying to come up with ways of convincing your rival to keep your secret, having no idea why he suddenly found your scent irresistible. Your half baked plans came to an end when Max texted you the next day to meet him in the hotel lobby to talk. No fucking way, you texted back furiously, so you can get me alone and kiss me again without my permission?

You’d flown back to Monaco an hour later, ignoring Max’s replies. Clearly, he seemed as troubled by this…situation as you were, and judging by the fact you hadn’t woken up to headlines about you secretly being an Omega, it seems Max was keeping your secret - for now, at least. And you were terribly confused by how good his kiss had made you feel, even though you were furious with how he’d done it without asking, as if you belonged to him.

So you decide to ignore Max for the whole week, but when he shows up at your apartment door unexpectedly, you couldn’t hold him off. We need to talk, he’d said tersely, and that’s how you found yourself on the apartment rooftop - surprised that Max hadn’t barged his way into your apartment. In fact, he stood well away from you, leaning against the railing and looking out towards the setting Monaco sun over the pristine Mediterranean waters as you watched his back uncertainly. Just when you were going to ask him what he wanted, he began telling you the story of how his Alpha father, Jos, had claimed his Omega mother, Sophie before she had been ready. You tilted your head, confused. You were very familiar with that particular media scandal - where Jos had deliberately performed the claiming, the ancient ritualistic tradition of an Alpha marking an Omega as theirs - in the peak of Sophie’s career, and had illegally used their mating bond to manipulate her into early retirement and focus on the family instead. It left a bitter taste in your mouth, of how no court or laws could protect an Omega fully from the abuse of a controlling Alpha.

I- I know about your parent’s story, it was quite…anyways, why are you bringing it up now? Max didn’t answer your question, turning around instead to face you. You felt that same fluttering beating of your heart as his intense blue gaze locked in on your doe eyed brown one. After she was able to get the divorce, he continued, she finally found her true mate. And she told me about the difference she’d felt, in how my father and her mate had treated her, how one had made her into the wife he wanted and the other had protected her as she chose to life she wanted for herself.

You’re truly confused now about why he’s still on this topic, and tell him that you’d even spoken with his mother when you began racing about her advice as a female on the track, and you’d expressed your sympathies for how hard it must have been to have her career tarnished so early by an abusive Alpha. Being her son was one of the few things you actually respected about him. Thinking he was foreshadowing what he was going to ask of you, your scent became sour with anger. So, out with it, Verstappen, you demanded, what’s your blackmail plan, I know you know about me being an Omega, are you going to make me promise not to try for P1 because you can forget it-

Max cut you off then, stepping forward and making you tilt your head back to look up at him. You wanted to step back so desperately, knowing what happened last time he was so close - but that inner omega vixen of yours was far too satisfied with the reassuring, soft spicy scent Max was now gently emitting. You hadn’t even known he was capable of anything other than the intense scent he used to dominate on the track.

No, schat, Max says softly. I’m not going to tell anyone anything you don’t want shared. Or use it against you. I wanted to tell you my parents story…to show you my father is the kind of Alpha I don’t want to become. I don’t want anyone to go through what my mother did. You can literally feel your body relaxing from his reassuring words, with the way he had called you darling in Dutch for the first time, from his soft look and scent. And it pisses you off to no end, that he can use his biology to make you feel like this - you’d had no idea the effect from an Alpha could be this strong on you. You realize you’ve involuntarily said that out loud when he tells you it isn’t normal for you to react this intensely to an Alpha, but it’s because it’s him that you’re reacting to. At your perplexed look, he’s reminded that your parents are both Betas and you had very limited knowledge of presentations, compared to his own family which were exclusively Alpha-Omega mates for generations.

Because…because we’re rivals? You ask, those sweet doe eyes of yours blinking up at him and making the urge to protect you bloom deep in his chest. Unfortunately for his inner alpha, he was about to cause you a lot of distress with his next words.

Because - Max swallowed, because, schat, we’re true mates. I’m your Alpha, if you’ll have me.

The distress that comes off you is instant and makes Max want to jump off the balcony railing, if it means ending your despair. You’re stammering out your shock, confusion, and then just straight denial at his claim, insisting it can’t be true - but he watches you with an apologetic expression, only speaking after a long time once you’ve let out all your conflicting emotions. He softly explains why it was true, that you might not know because your own parents weren’t a true match but what happened in the elevator, the reaction to each other’s scents - it was the first step to prime you two for the claiming.

He can see the colour drain from your face, flushed caramel skin now going pale as your distress turns to pure rage, steeped with fear - of him, Max realises. So that's why you're pretending to be so nice, isn't it? you question hotly, so that I say yes to your claiming just for you to use it order me to leave racing? And you'll act like its so different to your parents-

Max can't bear this foreign pain in his chest any longer, each furious word from you twisting a knife into his heart. His inner alpha is screaming at him to comfort and console you, so he does just that by stepping forward again and taking your small form into his large arms, forming a secure hold around you. Your annoyed shriek is muffled against his toned chest, but after a few seconds you calm down once he says, sounding so unusually desperate, he will never do the claiming until you ask him too, even if that's well after your racing career finishes. You pause, hearing the genuine sincerity in his words, and somehow deep within you a sense tells you that Max is telling the truth. As his warm, large hands soothingly rub circles on your back, you find yourself closing your eyes and lean into him, your french manicured hands pressing against his firm muscles and hearing his strong heartbeat through his chest.

You stay like that for a long time, slowly processing everything he's told you, until the sunset disappears over the Monaco horizon and the bright city lights emerge. At some point his arms have wrapped around your soft waist, one hand firmly on your hip and the other cradling your head against him, softly stroking your dark curls. If anyone had told you a month ago that you'd find yourself in this position with goddamn Max Verstappen you'd have laughed them off the track. But here you are, your inner omega purring with satisfaction at the secure embrace of your strong Alpha. You find yourself returning his comforting embrace by tentatively moving your small palms up over his pecs and across his ridiculously broad shoulders, looping around his wide neck. You hear Max's breathing hitch as he feels your shy touch, and then he’s hit with your delicious scent as your new position exposes your neck. It's the same as in the lift - so sweet, like exotic Indian jasmine on a hot summer night, like burnt sticky vanilla in the stroopwafels he adored as a kid, on the rare days he was allowed to go to the park instead of karting. But this time, your scent is even more inviting as your desire for him is stronger, and he doesn't fight his instincts and buries his face into your delicate neck again. He inhales deeply and leaves you gasping when he starts leaving lazy, soft kisses in the hollow of your throat. This time, you can't bring yourself to pull away, your fingers gently threading into his hair as you tentatively call out V-Verstappen, this is-

That's not my name, prinses he rumbles lowly, Dutch accent slipping through as he continues moving up your neck, leaving hickeys with flicks of his tongue and gentle, teasing nips of his sharp fangs - teasing, but not puncturing your tantalising caramel skin. And when you sweetly moan Max for him, looking up at him with those wide brown doe eyes, heady with desire, and a pretty red flush across your full cheeks, he meets your plush lips with his own. There's no hesitation this time, your fingers tangling into his messy blonde locks as you kiss deeply. His large hands running across your body make you feel like you're on fire. And when he grabs a hold of your thick ass, squeezing it like he owned it and and pulling you even closer to him, you're gasping and moaning sweetly into his mouth. He doesn't hesitate to slide inside your parted lips, completely dominating the kiss as he easily takes control over your tongue despite your efforts to battle against his.

Max, this is so wrong you say breathlessly, eyes fluttering closed in pleasure as his large thigh parts yours, your skirt sliding up as thick muscles come into contact with your aching core. You're certain he's going to be able to feel the wetness rapidly pooling between your own legs. Then why does it feel so right, prinses? He cockily responds, squeezing your ass greedily again and moaning himself when you start grinding against his leg, your wetness dripping past your soaked panties and ruining his pants. Fuck, he was never going to take these off, so he would always have the intoxicating scent of how sweet you smelled when you were so desperate for him, hmm?

The harsh ringing of your phone you'd set on a nearby table startles you. Max ignores it, flexing his thighs up against you to tempt your self control again as your inner Omega begs you to let the Alpha - your Alpha - claim you right here, right now, for all the world to see. But through the haze you see your boss's face flash on the screen and suddenly you're reminded of what's at stake. Snapping to your senses, you stumble away from Max's strong hold, making him growl in annoyance as he reluctantly releases you from his arms. This is why I didn't want to talk, you hiss at him, but he can tell from your scent you’re more conflicted than angry. Because you- you cutely flush, -we can't control ourselves for more than 5 minutes without something like this happening. You gesture to the space between you two as he watches you inquisitively, taking in every small movement with a tilt of his head like he was a lion stalking a deer. Stay away from me from now on, Verstappen you say with a scowl on your pretty face, pointing right at him, his sharp blue eyes not missing the slight tremor that gives away how affected you feel by him. I need to focus on winning this championship and not your…slutty Alpha seduction techniques.

He lets you go, smirking as you practically sprint away down the stairs to avoid any further temptation, enjoying the view of your generous ass from behind. Using his thumb to brush the dampness you left on his pants, he licks it away, chest lowly rumbling in approval as he confirms you’ll taste just as sweet as you looked, as you smelled. Next time, he promises his disgruntled inner Alpha.

After all, it was only a matter of time before he claimed you - it was a question of when, not if. The dark, controlling parts of him wanted to lay his claim on you right now, knowing that you desired him and would be unable to resist if he wanted to have his way with you. But you’d be so much sweeter, more pliable, more eager for him if he waited until you came begging.

He’d have his fun in the meantime.

READ PART TWO HERE

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ego-meliorem-esse · 2 years ago

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I present to you my years long obsession - female America.

This is not a Nyotalia version it's just a concept of "what if everything is the same but Alfred was born a girl". Like i see so much potential! In a world where all the odds are stacked against her, she despite it all gets to where she is today. Making good and bad decisions along the way.

A lil hc/backstory for my main girl:

• Given name (by dad Arthur) is Elizabeth Felicity Kirkland but during the revolution changes her last name to Jones. Her first name change happens in the 1820/1830s when she changes it to Alexandra, also dropping her second name. (I was young when I came across the name and it means "defender/protector of man" and I was /obessed/ so i just stick to it since she is a loser and just thinks it's a cool sounding name)

• She goes by Alex/Al and I think that's neat :)

• My girl is tall. Like 181 cm tall. Sender but with visible muscles. She does want a bigger behind but her Anglo-Saxon genetics say nah.

• As a child she spent more time in England due to her being a girl so I think even if Arthur was absent he didn't allow her to spend much time alone in the colonies. She resents that ofc

• Just like with Alfred, Alex is very fkn close to Matt even if she forgets to call him or check up on him for months at a time. Al: "Hey man I know I just called a while ago but how've you been? Matt: "you called me 5 months ago..."

• Works at NASA as a part time aeronaitical engeneer. Loves physics, hates chemistry (self projection im sorry)

• During the revolution she dressed up as a boy but the people she worked with knew she wasn't one. People went along with it anyway.

• Other than during the American revolution, she dressed in feminine presenting clothes up until the 1930s. After that it was trousers all the way!

• Alex was never a nurse during wartime but definitely did accountaint work in ww1 and later joined the Women’s Auxiliary Air Force (WAAF) where she stayed until 1943 when she joined her men fighting on the ground ( Conversion to Army status, Women's Army Corps - WAC). That's when she saw actual combat.

• Isn't fond of birds. Canaries are fine. Eagles are unsettling.

• Obsesses over a certan thing/hobby at a time up to a point where she perfects her skill. When she was about 14 (human years) it was the whole freedom and equality of man and all the politics regarding it. In the 1890s her obession was cars and motor vehicles. The 1910s brought a new obsession on womens rights. 1960s was space exploration where she devoted almost all her time researching and working for NASA, disregarding her goverment/state duties as a country. In the 1980s it was the internet. In 1990s she got really interested in the Balkan wars (self insert >:)) for whatever reason. Today her attention is mostly on social media and her attention span ia short af. Still really likes all things tech.

• Hasn't got many properties/real estate. Al does own a penthouse in Seaport, Boston and a late 17th and early 18th century colonial home in Newbury, Boston (that she needs to renovate asap). The only other real state she owns is in California, though modern and recently buit, it's not big nor does she spend much time there.

• Her personality is basicaly Alfred if he grew up as a woman and had to face opression based on sex and inequality that came with it. So still bubbly, extroverted, a social butterfly but also self-serving, idealistic, manipulative sprinkled in with sarcasm, cautiousness and craftiness. Same feckin sense of humour tho.

• In 1783, at the Treaty of Paris in Versailles both her and her father had to sign the document that started her independence (She herself had a human representitive 'cus of her age/sex bla bla but it was mostly formalities). At that signing Arthur gave her a flintlock pistol that he himself used in the 1640s. Not many words were exchanged, he just put it in her hand to keep. She still has it in her attic. Somewhere. She'd find it if she just takes the time to look for it I'm sure.

• In 1889 she straight up did her first war crime/murder of a fellow nation (if you don't count shooting her pops face off at Saratoga in 1777). After an altrication with Antonio that resulted in him insulting and slapping the girl for her audacity and mouthiness, she punched him straight in the jaw. A fight insued where she got ahold of his belt and straight up strangled him. Took her a while to process that and accept it. On the bright side Antonios scilence was heard around the world and while perplexed and insulted, older and influential (mostly male at that point) nations started to feel a glint of respect forming for the young startup.

• Al was given a family pocket watch by her father in the 90s (No more empire for Arthur so he sad :(((((( ) that was suppoaed to go to a firstborn son of a lord as an inheritance symbol. Everyone thought Jack would get it since Matt is techincally not Arthur's son. But even he would be expected to recieve it before Al. Then in an unexpected turn of events, while visiting her grumpy and nostalgeous empire-missing dad, Arthur pulled out the watch while eating stale kebabs in front of the telly and gave it to her casualy without as much as a word (The empire started with her, it shall end with her). She keeps it in her work desk drawer in a wooden box.

• Al and Zee have an interesting relationship. While being different in almost every aspect, there ia a mutual respect for eachother from eachother. While not really being able to see eye to eye, they are sisters in a certain roundabout and very fucked up way. Girls who learned that they are very much judged by their sex despite being daughters of a high ranking British lord. While aware that she will never be Alex/Elizabeth in her fathers eyes, Zee still gets treated as a treasure by her father. Much to Zee's annoyance.

• It's still Matt who's in Alex's shadow. Despite the dificulties she rises above and is the perfect child of an empire. Smart, intelligent, inquisitive, a fast learner and incredibly aware of the political and historical situation at all times. Even despite being a girl and less than a son in the eyes of a 17th/18th century society, she suceeds.

• Arthur wanted a son to come from his colonial endeavours, as all empires/nobility at the time did. And as all other empires at the time had. But ofc karma is a bitch and he's the only empire with an only child being a daughter. Though at first thougrly dissaponted, when he lays his eyes on his daughter for the first time, the only emotion he can feel is /joy/.

• Instead of sowing/knitting Al's education was very much focused on natural sciences, since that is where Arthur quickly realized she exels at. He swapped her Violin and General History of Music lessions with Astrophysics and The History of Astronomy. All in an attempt to stop her from making his ears bleed from the constant prattling about The Four Square Theorem or The Brachistocrone Curve. It only got worse, but his daughter was happy and content.

I have sooooo many more of these jfc i might do more later but for now this is all I can think of.

TLDR: Female America is great and has so much potential as a character hghhhhhhhh

#i needed yo get this out here eventually #its just so faacinatingghh #also no glasses us 1 i cant draw em for ahit and 2 ber sight is relatively good #she looks a bit like arthur but thats on purpose i think #oh welllllll #hetalia #hws america #aph america #nyo america #nyo!america #nyotalia #my art #myart #historical hetalia #alfred f jones

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corazondebeskar-reads · 1 year ago

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fic recs - Joel Miller (one-shots pt. 1)

fic recs for one-shots starring Joel Miller.

Key: 🏴 = dark, 💕 = fluff, ⛓ = rough/bdsm elements, 💀 = dead dove do not eat

Mind the warnings, and please read responsibly. you control your own media consumption.

All Fic Recs | TLOU Fic Recs | Joel series | one-shots pt. 2

dark!Joel

*note: if fics fit multiple categories but contain dark!Joel, they will go here only. Mind the warnings, and please read responsibly. you control your own media consumption.

🏴💀 Nightmare Before Christmas by @katiexpunk

Summary: As an escort, you’ve found yourself in some pretty fucked up situations before. Years of experience have taught you to navigate such situations with a combination of tact and assertiveness. Most of the time the men who exude an air of sleaze shrivel back into the corner, embarrassed and limp dicked. Most of the time. Tonight is not one of those times.

🏴⛓ truth or dare by @joelscruff

summary: a harmless game of truth or dare ends with you tied up in a certain mysterious neighbor's garage.

🏴His Protection by @absurdthirst

summary: When David's group takes you and Ellie to their settlement, you warn them that Joel will come for you. Knowing that he will do whatever it takes to get back those under his protection.

🏴 hostage by @atticrissfinch

summary: when you get lost in the woods, a stranger offers to help you get back to your camping site. when your gut tells you to run, you run--until he catches you.

🏴 ensnare by @ozarkthedog

summary: despite your reluctance, joel wants to fill you up.

🏴vicious by @sinsofsummers

summary: joel fucks you in his gas mask.

🏴 mothman fever by @beskarandblasters

summary: You and your friends head to Point Pleasant, West Virginia in late September for the Mothman Festival. And that’s where you meet Joel Miller, a fellow Mothman enthusiast. But once you spend some time alone with him you realize that he’s not who he says he is.

🏴 Joel Fucking Miller by @pedroshotwifey

summary: You and Joel Miller have been sworn enemies from the very start, both of you at each other’s other's throats since the first glance. What he can't know is that you have been harboring a stubborn crush on him this whole time---It’s not until he has you up against a wall that you realize he feels the same way.

🏴 Keep Cry'n & Cry Harder by @romana-after-dark

summary: Joel kidnaps you, but can't even wait long enough to put his dick inside you to cum.

🏴 keep on your mean side by @milla-frenchy and @aurorawritestoescape

summary: Joel takes you to Degradation Town

🏴💀 Mercy by @lokischocolatefountain

summary: Stranded alone in the woods and left to die, all you can ask of Joel Miller is the mercy of a quick death. He is willing to give it to you, but he needs something for himself as well.

🏴 Hurt and Protect by @lokischocolatefountain

summary: In a world where politeness wasn’t part of trade, it helped to have someone like Joel Miller as your protector. But to be his to protect also meant being his to hurt.

🏴down to the ankles by @atinylittlepain

summary: monsters are made of myths. in this story, two myths become one. two myths are in love. they are in wretched love.

🏴💀 no soul to sell by @atticrissfinch

summary: divorced joel is fucking his way through his newly acquired bachelor status, when he remembers you—the (recent) ex-girlfriend of his son—are now an option for him.

bdsm

fics with explicitly d/s dynamics or play, not just rough sex/kinks, dom!Joel unless otherwise noted

⛓ Push & Pull by @javiscigarette

summary: Joel just realllyyy likes your dress

⛓ curled in by @bonezone44

summary: joel ties you up and makes you suck his toes and get off on his foot

⛓ something new by @atticrissfinch

*this is technically part of a series but it's a standalone piece.

summary: Joel wants to introduce you to a new kink (watersports).

⛓ spend all your love making time by @haylzcyon (sub!Joel)

summary: You're everything Joel never knew he needed.

⛓ slumber by @cool-iguana

summary: Joel needs you, but you’re asleep. Giving in to desperation, he can’t help himself from making you feel good.

⛓ what do you need? by @whatsnewalycat

summary: brat tamer!Joel and brat!reader in an exploration of a scene where reader is overwhelmed/stressed and needs Joel to help her find peace through submission.

⛓ kinktober day 30: free use by @softpascalito

summary: Joel comes home urgently needing some relief. Its a good thing youre there- and the first time Joel makes use of an ... interesting agreement.

jackson!Joel

observations by @ezrasbirdie

summary: You're not like the other girls, but it'd be easier if you were. Joel Miller doesn't see it that way.

One and Done by @moralesispunk

summary: Joel never leaves you wanting more, but sometimes you do like to tease him

old habits by @wheresarizona

summary: Back in Boston, Joel Miller was your favorite client who frequented your services, exchanging ration cards and other items deemed illegal for sex with you until he just disappeared one day. It’s years later, and now, by a stroke of dumb luck on your journey out west, you’ve found yourself in the town of Jackson and in close proximity to Joel once again, the two of you immediately falling back into old habits

⛓ cruel by @notjustjavierpena

summary: Joel and you never attend the rest of Jackson’s population when it’s movie night. Instead, you become one messy tangle of limbs and oh, how you love him being a meanie.

qz!Joel

Pistol by @cosmictheo

summary: during a stormy night at bill and frank's house, joel teaches you how to hold your gun, and this opens up the perfect opportunity for the two of you to finally release all the feelings of longing and lust you've been repressed for each other over the past few weeks.

What Happens Here, Stays Here by @fettuccin-e

summary: anonymous sex with qz!Joel

signs I don't read by @pascalisbaby

summary: joel likes things done his way, especially when he’s fucking you

⛓ kinktober day 28: cuckolding by @absurdthirst

summary: your boyfriend owes Joel and can't pay up, so Joel takes you as payment instead.

🏴 The Stranger by @nala2811

summary: You and a certain stranger are hurled away to somewhere else within the QZ, where you both are required to perform a very particular task…

angst

september by @cavillscurls

summary: Joel hates his birthday. You discover why.

born lucky, under a bad star by @softlyspector

summary: Joel has always been lucky, in the worst of ways.

nobody's son, nobody's daughter by @fragilefable

summary: When you and Joel get separated the night of the outbreak, you spend the next decade searching for him. Just when you've given up— a miracle occurs.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x f!oc #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller fic rec #the last of us fic #the last of us fic rec #tlou fic rec

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magxit · 2 years ago

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Just dropped: https://twitter.com/rollingstone/status/1663660316817780745?s=46&t=Jv7EvC8oVb-dKk_gHc29yQ

I haven’t read the full thing. But kinda sad when the media gets it more so than her own fans…

We Wouldn’t Be Having This Conversation If Taylor Swift Was a Man

Publicity stunt or not, Swift can have a sleazeball summer if she damn well pleases.

ON THE FINAL night of Taylor Swift’s MetLife shows this weekend, 80,000 Swifties screamed in the swamps of New Jersey for over three hours. They wore outfits from every era — tinsel fringe dresses, serpent arm cuffs, and heart-shaped sunglasses. I saw countless faces in cowboy hats similar to the emoji — only these cowboys were sobbing uncontrollably while eating foot-long hotdogs. And the bracelets! They were all wearing beaded bracelets coded in Swiftian lyrics, trading them in the parking lot like Deadheads swapping grilled cheeses. (Take my advice: do not try to pay for the bracelets. They will look at you like you’re from outer space.)

It’s hard to believe that while this magical Eras tour is happening — and while Swift is somehow reaching previously-unimaginable heights of popularity, surpassing even the ludicrous highs of 2015 — she is also experiencing a backlash from some corners of the Swiftie community over her supposed new boyfriend, the 1975’s Matt Healy.

Their sentiments were best summed up in an open letter on Twitter using the hashtag #SpeakUpNow (named after Swift’s upcoming re-recording of her 2010 album), which states that Healy’s many controversies “deeply trouble” them. “From engaging in racist remarks, making offensive jokes, and admitting to watching degrading pornography in which people of color are being humiliated and assaulted, his actions contribute to the perpetuation of hate, stereotypes, and objectification, which targets and hurts some people from the Jewish, Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Inuit, LGBTQ+ communities, as well as women.”

The statement refers to the derogatory comments Healy made about the rapper Ice Spice on The Adam Friedland Show podcast in February and the questionable apology he delivered onstage last month. Fans raised eyebrows when Swift recruited the rapper for her “Karma” remix last week, and on Monday, Healy finally addressed the controversy in a New Yorker profile that only exacerbated the issue. He explained that the whole thing “doesn’t actually matter” and that the backlash he received was merely virtue signaling: “It’s just people going, ‘Oh, there’s a bad thing over there, let me get as close to it as possible so you can see how good I am,’” he said. “And I kind of want them to do that, because they’re demonstrating something so base level.”

If you didn’t catch this quote aggregated on the internet about 137 times (you probably had better things to do than scroll Twitter and hustle children for their handmade bracelets), you aren’t missing much. This is all part of Healy’s artistry: an intricate, tangled web of bits intended to rile you up and piss you off. This is the guy who eats raw meat onstage, gives Nazi salutes, and delivers intelligent observations like, “I’m obsessed with my dick for some reason.” Stupid Shit is his brand. Are we really supposed to take anything he says seriously?

I’m not here to answer that, but I am here to tell you that none of it is Taylor’s problem. For the last 17 years, we’ve held this woman responsible for the actions of men she chooses to spend time with, and it’s time to stop. It would be fair to criticize her for walking out of Electric Lady with the ghost of Pol Pot or wondering why her dad and Matt Lauer are grooving out to her performance of “22.” But this is just a hot sleazeball who wants Oasis back together (I don’t know about you, but I’ve dated a lot of guys who fit that description), and it’s up to Taylor to spend her time as she pleases.

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akookminsupporter · 1 year ago

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I got on reddit a couple of months ago and I discovered that while many people are neutral about bts or even dislike them, most of them are really polite and nice about it, and most discourse about bts is in a positive or neutral light. It's not like twitter where they call them flops in every 2 tweets. So it's similar to tumblr because people can have normal conversations (most of the time) about kpop groups there. Of course there are trolls and straight up haters there too but they either get downvoted very hard or deleted so it's I think better. Anyway my point is that I go on reddit today to see what people are talking about because I only check reddit like 2-3 times a week. And the first post is literally someone asking why bighit is pushing jikook out of all the ships.. And I just sat here blinking at the screen because... Really? We are having this conversation AGAIN? It wasn't even in the bangtan channel/sub, it was in a kpop sub where you can talk about any group. But then I read the whole post and it was very clear OP was one of those people who don't watch official content and just lives off of clips that are posted in the first 24 hours. There are not a lot of comments right now but all of them are very normal and lowkey calling out OP for being stupid so I upvoted all of them 😂

But like every fucking time a DVD comes out and we have footage from multiple days or even months and we see jikook hanging out and do their thing, EVERY DAMN TIME we have this same ass conversation. Every time it's fanservice every time it's "why are they together" every time it's "why is bh pushing them" MF IT'S BEEN YEARS OF THIS. Don't these people think that if you see them, CONSISTENTLY hang out with each other EVERY YEAR, don't you think that maybe... Just maybe they like hanging out and being in each others company???

Even if you take shipping completely out of the picture. Like don't you think its fucking weird to see two people who have known each other for 11 years, went through some insane shit together and even more that WE as FANS probably don't even know about, they clearly support and love each other and like hanging out with each other... And then you go on social media and tweet: "why do people, who are friends, spend time together?" DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF. I need someone to go up to these people when they are out with their friends and ask them if they secretly hate each other and only hang out just to please their parents or something.

You don't need to ship jikook to see they like each other. You don't need to ship taekook to see they like each other. You don't need to ship anyone in bangtan to see that they love each other to the moon and back. These men are in each others asses 24/7 but sure, the company is pushing them to do fanservice because they don't make enough money or something. Whether you (not you specifically) think jikook or taekook or yoonmin or anyone is dating or not, that's your business. If you ship them, you ship them, if you don't, you don't. But you literally cannot fucking walk up to me, look me in the eye and tell me they don't like each other. These boys are first and foremost FRIENDS And if you see any of them together, it's because THEY WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER.

I don't know why it's so hard for some people to understand this. Maybe because fanservice is a normal? thing in Korea and I'm sure many groups are doing it. But I checked OPs post and comment history and they follow bts for a while now so they have to know that the tannies have moved past/moved away from doing typical kpop things loooooong ago. They are not your typical kpop group. Two members hanging out with each other in front of or behind camera is not fanservice. Can we fucking wrap this conversation up already, I'm so bored of seeing this being brought up every year. Sorry for the long essay 😔

When it comes to Jimin and Jungkook, people would always prefer to believe anything but the truth, reality and what they themselves say. Wait till whatever they are doing comes out, it will be all this again and even worse.

Opinions.

#jikookphobics

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polyamorouspunk · 1 year ago

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sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

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songliili · 1 year ago

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writing patterns!!

tagged by @father-salmon, merci mon coeur!

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

i don't even have 10 fics posted, literally. i'm gonna take two from my wips cause one of the posted is a collection of drabbles and i don't think that qualifies.

from oldest to newest, let's go.

you should floss more | T, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 15k

The thing is. Dean Winchester is not a teenager who doesn’t know how to act in front of hot people. He’s 32 and his reputation as a player says otherwise. He’s pretty smooth (most of the time), it comes with knowing his charming points and having no qualms in using them with women and men alike. In his younger years he liked to say he had a big heart and his mission was to give some love to as many people as possible. But once his 30s approached he started thinking it was time to settle down and he slowly stopped picking up people at dive bars, much to Sam’s relief.

You're a witch, Dean-o! | T, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 7k

When Dean is 25, a couple of things happen. The first one is, obviously, his birthday party: a full blown party organized by Mary and Ellen at the Roadhouse. The whole family is there and they have the time of their life. Dean even manages to convince Lisa to go home with him, which he's got nothing to complain about.

the great dean court off | M, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 21.5k

Of all the things Dean Wichester expected to find when he came back from the bathroom break, a folded piece of paper with ‘hey, if you’re not gay, my friend thinks you’re cute. here’s her number 316-557-9608 (and if you’re gay, here’s mine 316-997-2018)’ written on, was not it. Hell, he almost expected to not find his laptop.

I Had Some Time (With You) | E, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 23.9k

It's 2005 when things go to hell. Well. They go to hell for everyone except Dean, ‘cause he was ready for it. You see, Dean Winchester is a grumpy 36 year old paranoid bastard who spent a) the first 27 years of his life keeping up with his doomsday prepper of a father, until the bastard kicked the bucket in ‘96; b) his whole adult life running Chitaqua’s Survival Camp, that his father had started; and c) the last five years building the perfect apocalypse bunker in one of the cabins of said camp.

we all have a hunger | E, Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, 22.9k

Alex Claremont-Diaz, for all intents and purposes, is a smart person. He aced high school, he aced college, and he aced law school. He knows he is smart, and if that wasn’t enough, Nora once confirmed it. Sure, she also said that he’s just as dumb when it comes to, y’know, being perceptive, but beggars can’t be choosers; and actually, that doesn’t count because Nora was just getting back at Alex for not realizing she was dating his sister and they weren’t just best friends.

Fill My Stocking | E, Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, 22.9k

It’s silly, Henry thinks, that Alex is convinced of not being an open book for him by now. They’ve been together for three years, four if you count the one they spent as long distance friends with benefits, and Henry knows him and his tells pretty extensively. Alex’s media face might be blank and unknowable for other people, but not for Henry, who knows him and all his facets.

we started at the end | E, Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, ???

Henry’s alarm rings, as expected, at 8am on December 21st and, as usual, Henry blindly reaches for his phone to turn it off and then roll back to sleep, until his next alarm in ten minutes. Though, this time, there is a difference in his morning routine.

your body is the Sistine Chapel | T, Castiel/Dean Winchester, 3.7k

The first tattoo Dean Winchester gets is an ugly stick-and-poke with one of his 'friends' from the school he's been at for two months. They're sixteen and Ryan has an uncle with a tattoo shop, so he steals some ink, a couple of needles, and they spend the afternoon hiding behind the school gym giving each other shitty tattoos.

bro, you're fucking hung! | E, Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, 3k

n💖💜💙 @hollerinn514 · Jan 20 oh my fucking god alex and henry are having an argument on who would top if they were a couple i shit you not alex just said “i think my dick is bigger so i'd top” i just know henry's face went fire engine red

can i ask you a question? | ??? (it's probably gonna be E, let's be honest), Alex Claremont-Diaz/Henry Fox-Mountchristen-Windsor, ???

“Henry!” Henry’s head shoots up as he hears his name in Bea’s melodic voice, and smiles, closing the distance between him and his older sister.

alright this is all i have. you can clearly see that the first four had a thing going on and it was fully intentional. i think i realised when i was writing You're a witch, Dean-o! then idk, i think i just didn't remember. i would've kept it up if i did, i would've found a way to make things work in the new fics as well. but it is what it is. maybe i'll go back to it one day!

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no pressure random tags: @leojfitz @happiness-of-the-pursuit @read-and-write- @gayrootvegetable @littlemisskittentoes @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @firenati0n @nocoastposts @wordsofhoneydew @cactusdragon517 @rockyroadkylers @kiwiana-writes @user-anakin @inexplicablymine @anincompletelist and whoever else wants to play this game!!

#songliili writes #tag game #the patter was there #it got lost #rwrb #destiel #firstprince #fanfic

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anewkindofme · 1 year ago

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Globbing on to your Damon analysis and mention of how men can’t form a bond without fighting over a woman, I always find it off-putting when it’s the brother love triangle trope. I love familial relationships and struggle with rooting for either couple due the strain in the sibling dynamic, same goes for two sisters fighting over a guy. It’s just icky to me. I think Supernatural does a really good job of depicting a well-written sibling relationship, especially between two guys. Although Dean and Sam have their issues, you can clearly tell that they love one another and would do anything to protect the other—regardless of who gets hurt. Especially the parentification of Dean and how he views Sam perpetually as a child is awful but so interesting to see. Their codependency and Defan’s codependency are very different forms but also entirely similar. Should’ve had a cross-over😮‍💨

I loathe that the 2 brothers/neighbor girl love triangle has grown over the years. It's just ridiculous that siblings would risk their relationship, over someone who's not even that important. And I say that as someone that not only loves Elena, but ships Stelena. I just think that they could exist or even if the writers wanted it to be Delena, they could exist, without coming between the boys.

It's why I'm glad the Nathan/Peyton/Lucas love triangle in One Tree Hill was so short-lived. Lucas and Nathan had their drama, but it was never a girl that kept them apart. They had one of the healthiest brother dynamics I've seen on TV.

Dean and Sam are truly one of the best sibling relationships in all of media history. It's not always the healthiest. They are both pretty possessive over one another. Dean treats Sam like a 5 year old 90% of the time. But the love is there. They'd do anything for each other. And a lot of it can be explained by how they were raised. Dean falls into "dad/mom mode" (I think there can actually be an argument that Dean is more of a mom than a dad, but that's a whole other thing) and Sam falls into "baby that needs his parent mode". Given all they've been through, of course they can't be separated for very long.

The Salvatore brothers are equally codependent, in different ways. Damon spends a good century vowing to cause Stefan nothing but eternal misery. He easily could've hurt/killed him after it all happened and move on. But he didn't. We see there are several times they attempt to rebuild that bond but something goes wrong. They love each other and can't quit one another, no matter what happens in life. Because they're brothers. The only family each other has.

Dean is a far better brother than early seasons Damon, but I think he'd be proud of the brother that Damon becomes. Especially when Lily is back in the picture. I think they'd bond over moms coming back from the dead and not being how they once were.

#defan #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #deansam #sam wichester #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #tvdu #tvd #the vampire diaries #anon asks #asked and answered

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paarthurnax59 · 2 years ago

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"Searching For Eden"

Pairings: Hugh Jackman x Reader (future), Chris Evans x Ex-wife!Reader

Warnings: major angst, cheating, Chris being a horrible husband, divorce, heartbreak, sad reader, slow burn romance, Hugh being a sweetheart, romance, talks of smut and sexual tension.

Notes: I don’t think Chris act like this and this not to portray anything in a bad light. Don’t like it, then please do not engage.

Introduction: Back in 2004, you married Chris Evans, the love of your life. You both went to the same school sense you were five, grew up together and dated in high school. You two tied the knot after you graduated from college and started your acting career along with him. You two had been married for two years, until Chris started becoming more distant and bitter towards you and you two began fighting more. Things grew worse until one day he admitted to cheating with younger woman. You told him it was over and wanted a divorce. One day when you were getting ready for packing your bags, he comes to you with a contract saying that you have to sign a non-disclosure agreement that you would never be able reveal Chris’s infidelity to the media. He told you that you would never work in Hollywood again. After Chris got you to sign the contract and the divorce, head back home to your parents. Never in your life had you felt more betrayed. You vowed you would never open your heart again to another man.

Six months later in 2007, you got role on a new movie being filmed called “Searching for Eden”. A story about a biblical, post-apocalyptic world where a loving wife and husband fight for survival together in a hellish world taken over by demons. As you get on the movie set, you meet the actor to play your husband. Hugh Jackman, the Australian heart throb, and your life-long celebrity crush. As the movie production moves forward, the two of you grew closer. You were starting to feel happy and whole again after developing a deep, profound friendship with the talented aussie. When filming was done, you head home to Massachusetts, but kept in touch. You asked and talk to one another whenever you could. During Thanksgiving, your younger sisters show you the news of Chris, your ex-husband, was now engaged to the woman who cheated on you with. You break down and run out of the house in extreme distress and heartbreak.

Hugh, hearing this news, called you to see if you were okay. You start to open to him more about your divorce and told him about how he cheated and forced a disclosure contract to keep his public persona intact. Hugh decided that you should come to Australia for a while after Christmas. You arrive and Hugh insisted on you staying at his home. Over the next few months, you and Hugh grow even closer to one another. He tells you more about his home life and opened about his own childhood and his broken marriage. Eventually, your schoolgirl crush develops into something that runs deeper than what you never thought possible since your divorce.

Love.

Whether they are reciprocated? You could not say. The man is almost 13 years older than you. He was far out of your league with him so kind, intelligent, hardworking, funny and one of the most successful actors in Hollywood. No way on this planet he would really want someone like you. A woman who’s first husband cheated on her and shattered her trust in love all together. A person who believed would never be good enough for someone who was so perfect as the X-men star. You feared it would ruin his reputation and image by making him look like a creep for spending time and falling for a much younger woman. So you buried them, hoping that the feeling would go away.

What you didn’t know was that Hugh felt, from the very moment he met you. If it weren’t for your own grief and sorrow, you would have noticed on how Hugh always looked at you. Like you were God’s gift to the world. Never had he met a more beautiful, caring, genuine, intelligent woman in his thirty-nine years of life.

How could that idiot yank cast aside such a perfect human being like that? For another girl that was not nearly as amazing as you? He would think to himself on more than one occasion in regarding to Chris Evans. If he were him, he would be a complete fool to take a woman like you for granted. He would give anything for you to never feel that pain again.

Can You get over your broken marriage and trust for the chance to fall for another and start a new?

#hugh jackman #hughjackman fan fiction #Chris Evans #fluff #angst #cheating #divorce

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policemanofprincesspark · 8 months ago

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Hello! First of all I´m happy that you´re back! I read through everything you answered since you´ve been gone and I have to react to this

"If you had to guess, why do you think Harry has never had a relationship last longer than two years?"

Well first of all, I really think everyone know by now that that pr relationship lasted that long because that horrible movie got delayed. If I remember it correctly, it got delayed for exactly one year. That´s the only reason why this was H´s longest relationship. Shame that it was with this awful woman who really tested our and H´s boundaries and I think it´s safe to write that H hated to be around that woman for longer than he expected and with all of her terrible shenanigans/drama around her and making him to do pda with her. Secondly I always find it funny how H wrote songs about long term relationship (Keep Driving), about commitment, absolute adoration of one person or love declaration when it´s supposed to be about the relationship with a woman who he fake dated for one year? Like I know gf harries will eat everything no matter how obviously fake it is but seriously they really can´t think about it for a second? Do they really think H will get so in love with a woman that it looks like she´s his endgame and then break up with her after exactly one year? Please, who is this man for them?

And thirdly I´m really curious what will come with HS4. I thought he was with TR to have a official narrative for his upcoming love songs about Louis but now that they "broke up" I´m bit confused. Some wrote that they might get together which I personally find weird like why spend your energy into bua for literally every media to get back together after few months when you also can just not be seen together and let others wondering whenever you are still together or not. But if the best scenario - HS4 promo while H will be officially single and those love songs will be sold about TR while she´s gone so gf harries will eat and we larries will be just laughing because we know what we know - will come true, I will be really suprised in the best way.

I just hope they will let H be officially single as long as possible because imo he doesn´t need to stunt during the promo season.

Hi, anon!

I was honestly so shocked that they did it again. I guess I just thought it was too obvious at this point. Every relationship lasting a year at best is wild. I just cannot believe it happens every time.

This womanizer image they're pushing on Harry reminds me of Simon Cowell's whole thing of hiring the king of concealing clients' sexualities (as admitted by the guy), publicist Max Clifford, who, throughout Simon's whole career, has painted Simon in the media as a man who can never love a woman because he's "such a womanizer." It's just embarrassing that anyone believes either of those men aren't fruits lol.

I don't know what their plan is. Will HS4 be a break-up album? HS3 came out before he and Olivia broke up, so it worked when the songs were filled with love for a current partner. Maybe they'll tell us HS4 was all written before he and TR broke up.

Thankfully the general public has seemed to catch on to Harry being the problem. Maybe his next PR relationship will last three years this time! That'll help his image.

#ask #harry snark #larry stylinson

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maaarine · 10 months ago

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Boys & Sex: Young Men on Hookups, Love, Porn, Consent, and Navigating the New Masculinity (Peggy Orenstein, 2020)

"By his sophomore year of high school, Mason was spending about an hour a day immersed in porn.

He watched in his bedroom. He watched in the den. He watched in the bathroom stalls at school. He watched at parties.

It was, he said, as integral to his life as brushing his teeth, eating, drinking, sleeping.

“You can spend so much time in this porn fantasy world that you don’t even look up and live your real life,” he said.

Once, he popped in his earbuds and scrolled through his downloads in the back of the family car after a dentist appointment (no drilling jokes, please), as his brother and mom chatted in the front seat.

“That’s how normalized it became,” he said. “If it was going to be thirty minutes in the car, I might as well watch porn.”

Although at this point Mason had never kissed a girl or even held hands, he said that he half expected that at any moment a “hot woman” would appear out of nowhere and demand to have sex with him.

“That was my whole perception of how it was supposed to go,” he said.

“In porn, women are portrayed as these sexually driven animals. It’s all they want; it’s all they care about. It warped my perception for so long.”

He didn’t realize how much, though, until, at age sixteen, while surfing a Russian social network that allowed him to circumvent his parents’ safety filters, he watched a video of a woman defecating into a hotdog bun.

She poured condiments on the result and handed it to a second woman, who ate it.

I asked Mason if he found that arousing. “It was, kind of,” he admitted.

“Outside of that specific context, I would find this obviously disgusting act to be repulsive. I do find it repulsive.

But it was being portrayed as extremely sexual. That’s what porn does. Just media in general.

Sexualizes anything. Sexualizes people eating poop. And it boggles my mind how easy it was to be drawn in by it all." (…)

The girl herself, who was a year younger than him, also seemed to have taken her cues from porn.

She would writhe and moan when Daniel jackhammered a finger into her vagina.

When he told her he wanted to “take a break” from their relationship, she offered up anal sex to change his mind (although that idea could equally have been inspired by mainstream films such as Kingsman, in which the hero’s incentive for saving a Scandinavian princess is her promise that “we can do it in the asshole”).

He accepted, but the experience was nothing like what he’d seen on-screen.

“It was really difficult,” he recalled, “and it hurt her intensely. She was in pain. That was nothing I wanted to see. It was fucked up. And I felt like shit afterward.”

The two did eventually split up, briefly; they reunited after a round of rough sex in an elementary school parking lot, during which he choked her, pulled her hair, and, at her request, slapped her across the breasts.

That was the first time Daniel climaxed without using his hand. “It was the best sex we ever had,” he recalled.

Certainly, people have predilections, but it’s troubling that both instances of aggressive sex Daniel recounted happened when his girlfriend believed their relationship was in jeopardy.

Daniel himself considers his behavior to be contrary to the intimacy he claims to crave.

He doesn’t know whether that disconnect is natural, part of his wiring as a sexual person, or shaped by his repeated consumption of prepackaged fantasies."

#peggy orenstein #boys and sex #book

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yudgefudge · 1 year ago

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i dont know anything about taylor swift. but you should do a song for the old men anyway and i'll look up the lyrics and nod along

be prepared to nod ur head for a bit because I've chosen four songs for them. I Can See You, I Know Places, Call it What You Want and It's Nice To Have a Friend. I hope I did ur old men justice.

INTHAF is all about growing up together and ending up together. I know pep and klopp technically didn't grow up together, but they have known each other for many years and the idea of a long friendship slowly melting into a romance is the essence of this song.

Twenty questions, we tell the truth You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too Something gave you the nerve To touch my hand

Have my back, yeah, every day Feels like home, stay in bed The whole weekend

Just the idea of someone who's always there seems very kloppep (heh) to me. I also like how the song is clearly a love song but it still says "it's nice to have a friend", which feels a bit like jurgen and pep and how I dont think they'd really label themselves as one or the other.

CIWYW and IKP are coming from the same place in regards to jurgendiola. They are both songs about having love in the midst of media chaos. I Know Places is a more upbeat song about the rush of hiding from the paparazzi meanwhile call it what you want is more about how in the midst of it all you can still find someone who loves you and is willing to break down their walls for you. I feel like these songs are more of Pep and how the media sometimes paints him to be this unfeeling person, or how in general the media treats coaches in general.

My castle crumbled overnight I brought a knife to a gunfight They took the crown, but it's alright

This bit is more Klopp, I feel? The crown referring to liverpool champs dreams, prem dreams or really anything dreams. Just in general how liverpool keeps getting the short stick and how they always seem unprepared (knife to a gunfight).

You stand with your hand on my waistline It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight

All their pics together.

This one doesn't really have a super good personal connection but there was no way I could do this post for jurgendiola and not have the taylor songs about romance between two highly-televised, high-profile people.

Lastly, ICSY. This song is a sultry seductive song about a secret romance.

You brush past me in the hallway And you don't think I, I, I can see ya, do ya? I’ve been watchin' you for ages And I spend my time tryin' not to feel it

I imagine this is one to the other? Not to get nsfw or anything but I think we all know they began with a s3xual encounter LOL. like they definitely got drunk once and that's how their romance (?) really started/was solidified. And this verse describes that very well.

’Cause I can see you waitin' down the hall from me And I could see you up against the wall with me And what would you do? Baby, if you only knew That I can see you

More of what I described. Honestly I'd imagine this as Klopp to Pep? Klopp always struck me as the more confident one, in terms of chasing the relationship at least? Correct me if I'm wrong. But I'd always imagine it'd be Klopp confronting Pep about all the secret looks and touches.

And we kept everything professional But something's changed, it's somethin' I, I like

Even more of what I described lol. I especially like the line "and we kept everything professional" in terms of them.

I can see you in your suit and your necktie Passed me a note sayin’, "Meet me tonight" Then we kiss and you know I won't ever tell, yeah And I could see you being my addiction You can see me as a secret mission Hide away and I will start behaving myself

I don't even have anything more to say atp. I'll just leave you with the ending bridge which is legit just a conversation I'd imagine the two have. So yeah.

#shitpost #football #dont bother looking up inthaf it sucks LOL #taylor swift #mutuals <3 #theo 🥀

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khodorkovskaya · 2 years ago

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Hey so men are shitbags and I'd like to ask your opinion on a situation here......

So right been talking to this guy...... and we often had quite slowish convos like answering every few hours when we werent busy etc....

But he was kinda chatty lile telling me about his day and sent a selfie after having a drink etc

But then after that got odd.... like didnt respond to my question for 2 days, but then responded to it and asked me a question like what I was planning for the weekend etc so I thought he wanted to talk... but then didnt respond for over a day again but was nice like, oh that sounds lovely are you planning on doing much there?

So again I thought he wanted to talk becasue why would you ask questions if not right??

Again answered a day later, like it literally took him 30 hours to say what his dog was called... I said happy birthday and he was like thanks so I asked if he had a nice time,and he got a bit chatty again like answering within an hour etc, yes he did then he asked if I had much planned for this week so obvs I responded and asked if he did too??? But like it's the end of the week now and hes never responded so I'm like?? Did he actually want to speak to me or not?

Hes also liked my photo I posted of me

But I'm a bit like, does he actually wanna talk to me?? Becasue one min I think he does when he asks questions right because why would you if you didnt wanna talk but then hes read my response and question asking what he planned and just not replied and ifs been a few days, that makes me think hmm maybe he doesnt wanna talk actually????????

What's your thoughts please??? Also ik not a psycho on just generally confused becasue I thought he might like me and I just want a bit advice or opinions please becasue I've never talk talked to a guy in years....

Do I message and ask if he had a good week??

if there's one thing that my past relationship's taught me is that if you want a fulfilling relationship with someone, they have to have the same texting style as you. both of you have to be on the same page in terms of how you communicate. (and im not talking only about romantic relationships, this can apply to anything really.)

so my ex for example would always take super long to reply and i always found it super frustrating. as my mum says, i always be on my damn phone! so it's weird if someone takes over an hour to reply. for me, if i don't reply, it's because A im extremely busy or B im ignoring you. otherwise i reply almost immediately to any text i get bc my phone is always next to me. that's how i function and i want my future partner to be on the same page.

my ex was completely different, he didn't have social media and his phone would always be on silent and he would often even leave the house without it. so he would always take hourssss to reply. i, being the lonely teenage girl with low self esteem that i was, would send him a billion texts, spam him with memes and call him all the time and when he wouldn't reply id feel sad and abandoned. so i totally get what you're saying with the guy being chatty and then ignoring you for two days, that was literally my ex. we'd see each other, have sex, and then he just wouldn't reply for 24+ hours. and id want to kms.

and every time i would be super frustrated, not only because i felt like he didn't care about me, but also because i felt like i couldn't rely on him. what if something urgent happened and i needed him to pick up the phone? every time id text or call him there would only be like a 10% chance that he would pick up or reply immediately.

and it also imposed the fact that he was the one controlling the relationship. id text him "let's hang out" and then wait for the whole day for him to reply, unable to make other plans bc what if he replies and im not free anymore. so id spend days in my room, ignoring my friends, hoping that he will check his phone and agree to hang out with me. if he said yes, id reply the very second bc it was that rare for him to be on his phone. and sometimes the day would go by and he'd text "no" at like 8pm and it would be too late. i even changed the notification sound for him to be sure i don't miss a text from him... my phone usually vibrates once when i get a text, but for him i put two long vibrations, so even if my phone is in my purse, id know it's him.

anyway, please don't make the same mistake i did and chase after a guy who doesn't respect you enough to answer your texts. i know we're all different and we all have different habits when it comes to using our phones. but at the end of the day, if the guy's texting style doesn't match yours, you're gonna feel frustrated and unappreciated and it's gonna ruin your days. and he's gonna have power over you.

xoxo

#the most frustrating thing is that when i broke up with him he changed his habits immediately #he started texting me every day #he got instagram #he would send me memes #and reply straight away #where was this energy when we were together???#oh and he would neverrrr listen to audios #and i love sending audios #so id tell him something super important #and he'd be like yeah no i didn't listen to it

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emersonschaos · 1 year ago

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A Note to My Aunt

I’ve been thinking about the time we were discussing the Barbie movie. You said you thought Barbie made good points and you remember encountering the problem of gender equality when you were younger. Then you asked me if it was still a problem today. You said that you hadn’t experienced it recently but your experiences might have changed as you’ve aged.

I’m sure I nodded vaguely and brushed it off, but thinking about it again now, I would like to change my answer. Or rather, I’d like to say what I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud.

I think the women’s issues that Barbie calls attention to are still a problem; although the mode of delivery might have shifted and it might be slightly “subtler” than it was when you were younger. Of course, gender discrimination is against the law now, and sure, harassment and work appropriate behavior is part of orientation at work. However, like several other issues that have seemingly lain dormant, I believe that the cultural and political climate within the last few years has brought the topic of gender equality and all of its worst violators back into the light.

There may have been some progress made on big things but there is still an undertone to everything I experience as a woman. By undertone, I mean the kind of feeling you don’t fully realize is there until it’s gone. Women have been living with these undertones our whole lives and most of us have grown so accustomed to it that we almost forget they’re there. Almost. Until something happens to remind us.

Some people may say that’s just the way things are, an unfortunate part of life. And they’re right; this is the way things are. But that doesn’t mean that it always has to be this way. It doesn’t discredit the validity of the issue or how we feel about it. And it will continue to be an issue until we make more progress on the little things.

- Until I don’t see posts where a woman talks about stealing a handful of NASA tshirts from the boys section in Target and moving them in the girls section.

- Until my retired school teacher relative can’t say about her first graders that nobody told the boys to only play with legos and the girls to only play with dolls. That they chose those toys completely on their own, not understanding that the reminders of gender norms are subtler than verbal commands. That all the girls get dolls for their birthdays, and none of the commercials show boys playing with dolls, and dad sits down to watch tv after a long day of work while mom plays house and nurse after an equally long day of work.

- Until I don’t feel like cringing every time I hear or use the word woman, and until everywhere the word woman should be used isn’t downplayed by replacing it with girl or wife, e.g. girl power, girl boss, or man and wife.

- Until my default reaction to conflict and uncomfortable social interactions is not to smile and giggle and deescalate or escape. Until I don’t feel like I need to make myself smaller in order to survive.

- Until I don’t disassociate whenever I go out in public alone. Until I don’t spend half my time zoning out and the other half obsessively trying to be aware of my surroundings so I don’t accidentally end up in the parking lot alone. Until I can visit somewhere like South Korea and not marvel at the concept of not feeling the urge to check behind me when I’m walking down the street.

- Until I’m not scared to get upset in public because, setting aside the likelihood of at least one person downplaying the validity of my emotions by mentioning my period, I’m scared someone will get violent or follow me to a different location.

- Until I’m not scared of being given a compliment. Until I don’t black out, only to realize later that I used the boyfriend excuse as a knee-jerk response because I’ve learned that men respect another man’s claim more than they would respect my simple no.

- Until movies and media stop telling men they need to be persistent and pursue the girl rather than respecting her decision and moving on.

- Until every other story I hear is not about someone getting raped, or some husband snapping and murdering his family, or some guy shooting up a school or movie theater or parade.

- Until I can honk at someone, get upset, maybe even flick them off, and they don’t feel like they have the right to make me feel like my life might be in danger by tailing me home or trying to run me off the road.

- Until I don’t get yelled at for “putting myself in that situation” which let’s be honest is another way of saying I was asking for it. I’m not saying there aren’t consequences to my actions and people don’t have the right to be upset that I was an asshole. Sure, sometimes I can be in better control of my temper, but so should others. And no matter my actions and whatever you think the consequences should be, no one EVER has the right to make me fear for my life.

- Until I don’t feel the need to react to being tailed home by calling my cousin to meet me at the door in case they follow me all the way down the long driveway. Until he doesn’t feel the need to meet me at the door with a gun because of how scared I sound.

- Until my cousin cannot respond to my encounter with “that’s why I drive a big car, no one would tail me like that,” referring to his ridiculously huge, customized Toyota 4Runner.

- Until I can seriously consider driving a ridiculously big car and not be equally as reluctant because I know what kind of commentary I would get. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. I’m already tired of random people being surprised that the big car is mine. I’m already tired of people saying “but wouldn’t you be more comfortable in something smaller?” I’m already tired of guys challenging me about whether I can handle such a big car, and do I know how to maintain it, and do I even know the horsepower?!? Don’t get me wrong, I could deal with it, but it’s a waste of my time and energy to simply ignore those comments, let alone prove myself every time someone confronts me, and I shouldn’t even have to.

- Until my dad can watch a tv show about a rape trial and understand why his comment about how she could have gotten more money if she’d held out longer is not ok. Until he can understand how disheartening and absolutely devastating it would be to have a continuous stream of random people coming up to you on the street because they think they have the right to give you their two cents about your trauma. How it’s still demoralizing if they’re being supportive, and how much worse it is if they’re being mean. Not to mention the ever-present fear that someone will get it in their head to make an example of you and verbal abuse may not be enough.

- Until people can understand that something like Me Too and other feminist movements are not a ploy to tear men down, but rather to gain equal recognition. Until they can see how much courage it takes to come forward and speak the words out loud, never mind how much courage it takes to even let yourself hope that there could be justice when the system has failed to provide it so many times before. Until people can see that we shouldn’t discredit the claims and trauma of some because a few have turned out to be false. There will always be those seeking attention, but…what was that phrase men seem to be so fond of? “Not all women.”

- Until I’m not terrified to participate in any sort of activism. Until I don’t get overwhelmed whenever I join in a women’s march because, while it restores my faith in humanity to see so many people coming together to support each other, it simultaneously destroys me to see how many people have come to show hate.

- And finally, until I can see these problems and be brave enough to try and act on them. Until I’m not ashamed that the only thing I seem to be able to do right now is talk about it here under the cover of anonymity. Until I can make this post and not be worried that I’m just overreacting or repeating things that have been said countless times before.

#adult human female #feminism #activism #barbie #barbie movie

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