#all throughout I saw other ppl talking about how awful it was and want to experience it for myself is all since I have the game lol

[angeleccstasy]

IM IN SHOCK RN THAT SOUNDS SO INTERESTING AND SOOO COOL 😭 also! i wanted to ask how the other townspeople (?) feel about this ongoing rivalry between them or more specifically if they regret turning the warden into this immortal being? but SERIOUSLY THOUGH THIS IS SUPER COOL AGSHSHSH

AYEEE TYSM AGAIN!!! oh and! well uh after the prisoner escapes in 400 ad the warden goes after him and the townsfolk never actually see either of them ever again! but i think that between 200-400 ad when prisoner was imprisoned there and the warden guarded him at all times, i think most of the townsppl didnt really think much abt how turning a guy immortal may yknow really fuck him up but some ppl were concerned abt it im sure, discussing if there was anything they could do to repay the warden for willingly accepting this fate and how he feels abt outliving all of his family and friends (they werent concerned for prisoners wellbeing for obvious reasons) but most ppl then didnt really think abt that and were just enamored by these 2 and how seemingly brave and a rolemodel the warden was. but uh yeah i really like talking abt the legacy the story of the immortal prisoner and the immortal warden left behind so lets elaborate on that!!

so yeah, back in 200-400 ad the warden and prisoner were talked abt far and wide throughout rome and other parts of the world. they were a spectacle and ppl admired the warden for his sense of justice and doing right by the people, and despised the prisoner for committing such awful crimes and being too cowardly to die (but as we know now they both turned out equally horrible ppl but thats besides the point :]) sculptors visited them and made marble statues of them, displayed in museums to this very day. scholars and poets wrote abt them in records and stories. the elderly would all agree that neither the prisoner or the warden had aged a single day since they first met them. and then, the prsisoner escaped in 400 ad one night, the warden was resting at the time and was told abt it soon after and immediately went after him. he said goodbye to the townsfolk, thanking them and everything theyve done for him, and he was gone. some ppl throughout the roman empire would claim to have caught glimpses of one or both of them, but pretty much no one ever really saw either of them ever again. the tale of the immortal prisoner and the immortal warden became as infamous as romulus and remus or aeneas. modern historians agree that this is a completely false tale, but it is very perplexing that there are so many written records of the warden and prisoner throughout 200-400 ad and the writings of the prisoner escaping and the warden going after him in 400 ad is the most confusing of all. little do they know these 2 motherfuckers are crying themselves to sleep and beat the shit out of each other on a regular basis to this very day ^_^ oh yeah and uh! like a few days after prisoner escapes and warden goes after him. prisoner does smth. quite awful to warden! but ill save that for next time this is getting long again :]

[driftingandlostwords]

one thing that got stuck in my head constantly was our conversations on friday. he told me on friday that he was going to be in houston for three days and i was surprised at that because he was just going for a concert. when i asked about it he got upset and started talking about how this is why he doesn't tell me anything. that i ask questions not because im interested but because im trying to keep tabs on him. he went on to say that he didn't ask anything about LAN. and that he wouldn't care if i left the apartment for a whole week. that he wouldn't ask any questions and that he wouldn't say anything because he trusts me and knows that i would be safe. but its not a matter of trust and safety. its a matter of being interested in what each other are doing. like wouldn't you want to know what your partner is doing? like wouldn't you want to be invested in their time and hobbies?

later that night when he came back to see me packing for atlanta, he asked me a bunch of questions abt what i was doing, why i was going, who i was going with, when i was leaving and when i was coming back. like why are you asking all of these questions if you "don't care if im gone" - either you are being hypocritical or you are just lying about saying you don't care. regardless that was an awful thing to say. whats the point of a relationship if you never know whats going on in each others life. after asking all those questions, he apologized to me about everything that he's been doing. he acknowledged how unfair things are to me and that he's trying his best. every time he has said sincere things like this to me, its after he's drank a bunch and reeks of alcohol. he tells me he's sober and he better be sober bc he drove home but it just doesn't feel fully genuine/sincere if he will only say these things after drinking a shit ton. specifically with this situation, it also felt like he said all those things bc he realized that i was leaving without telling him anything. that i made a big decision by myself without letting him know. throughout our entire relationship, he has never had to ask me for information about what im doing. ive always told him my plans or what is going on. so it sort of feels like he saw me making a trip by myself and without telling him and he felt the need to say all those things in response. like that doesn't feel genuine or sincere either if its being said in response to something. i don't know if that's exactly the case of what happened there but many other ppl have pointed it out and have noticed myself too.

[tariah23]

I want to play my n game gahhh

[angelmachines]

i see a lot of ppl, esp on twitter, talk about how c!tommy knew that c!techno was going to blow up lmanburg, and that he was mostly in the wrong for betraying techno. and that... doesnt really sit well with me. so... heres me trying to look at everything that happened from tommys perspective LMFAO

for starters, techno actively kept tommy from learning about his plans for majority of tommys stay with him. he erased the line in his to do list, would lie when tommy asked about it, and consistently told him that the hound army, the weapons, and everything else were there for the purpose of retrieving the discs. 

tommy was already in a vulnerable place after leaving logstedshire. he was lonely, being manipulated, and felt helpless. when techno took tommy in, gave him food and a home, how else was he meant to understand that? he was at his weakest, and had no choice but to believe that techno meant the best for him. 

during his stay in the arctic, tommy made it clear that he would only side with techno if they got the discs back, and kept tubbo and lmanburg safe while doing it. all of these are terms techno agreed to, even if he didnt mean it. 

of course, techno came clean eventually. once he saw tommy as his friend. 

on the day before he sided with tommys abuser. 

when techno came clean, tommy was placed into the same situation wilbur put him in. the brother who manipulated and used tommy for his own means, who convinced him and tubbo to die for their beliefs. the brother who he hates, but loved until the very end. 

tommy is placed into the same situation, with the person he blamed for everything awful that happened to his home, and the person who, when he was at his lowest, gave him a home. 

and so he agrees. the same way he agreed with wilbur, because he thought that he could convince wilbur he was wrong too. because he didnt want to lose the people hes close to. not when hes lost literally everything else.

and then the confrontation with tubbo happens, and tommy realizes that he doesnt have to lose everything after all. he can have lmanburg, and his home, and tubbo back, and in a moment of confusion and conflicted feelings, tommy decides to side with the one person who has been a constant throughout his time on the server. 

and, as we all know, techno reacts badly. and then he reacts by siding with dream. 

which only solidifies the choice. 

i think its safe to say that tommy has a hard time explaining how he feels. its always been hard, especially apologies. so when he tells techno that dream wants to kill him, he assumes that techno understands what that means. tommy assumes that “he wants to kill me” and “i dont know how to feel about him” means the same thing to him as it does to techno. 

so techno, siding with the person tommy is so, so terrified of, only makes tommy believe that techno never truly cared for him in the first place. it makes him believe that all the time they spent together didn’t mean anything, that techno was suddenly betraying tommy. and then we get doomsday, and it is so much worse than tommy thought.

that scene, with tommy and techno yelling at the top of their lungs, really only says one thing to me. its two hurt individuals yelling desperately to each other, to be heard. 

and they both achieve this, to some degree. they both hear the awful things they say about each other, but never the thought process behind it. not the months of trauma and hurt that have lead them to where they are. 

and, in a way, their argument was the one place where they were actually able to think about their feelings towards each other. 

tommy represses every awful thing that happens to him-- he refuses to speak, let alone think of the awful things wilbur and dream did to him. and even though techno is on the same level as them in that moment, he is able to spit ideas out, to really reflect on what lmanburg, and what technos friendship meant to him. 

and what he concludes on isn’t accurate to technos perspective, not at all. 

but for a kid who has been manipulated, used, and torn down so many times? it is so justified. 

and he decides that techno is just as bad as dream and wilbur, because every single relationship he’s had has hurt him in some way. no matter how good, people have always hurt tommy. it happened with dream, and wilbur, and even tubbo. but the difference between all those people is that tommy already hated techno. he already blamed techno for everything that happened, for causing an active threat to everything he cares about. and after tommy is convinced that techno isnt that bad, he’s forced to reconsider and put techno back in the black and white box he had him in previously. because... if he cant blame everything on wilbur, and he cant blame everything on dream, he has to blame it on techno. 

it doesn’t take technos feelings or the time they spent together into account. dear god it doesnt. but this is a kid, who thought he finally had a home in someone, who wouldnt kill him, or blow up his home, or exile him, and felt betrayed when he realized he didn’t. 

all in all, they both deserved better. 

[vldkeith]

whats the ml shit?

oh god were u on yesterday?? basically kenzie and i were engaging in criticism of the way a certain artist (she lies at midnight) portrays klance and how it’s gross and fetishistic and awful. and some ppl who saw that went over to the artists’ actual blog and inboxed her abt it—one person specifically said that a gay boy kl blogger (me) was uncomfortable with the way she portrayed mlm relationships, and her response was to basically just. not respond. i don’t remember exactly but i think she was like “i’m just sitting here” or w/e and didn’t offer a valid explanation or any defense, she just disregarded it. she got some other anons as well that she posted, all calm, but eventually she closed her inbox bc she said it was getting full. i can’t know if she ever received hate.

after that she very passive-aggressively reblogged her most recent fanfic (which was the catalyst for this round of criticism by me and kenzie, bc the writing in it made us wildly uncomfortable and me specifically) and then posted some art that, again, engaged in the practices she was criticized for just hours ago. interspersed throughout this were posts about how it’s all hEr OPinIoN and one i specifically remember talking about how masculine keith was that made me super uncomfortable. she was just criticized for this, remember.

subsequently, some other user (sh*nce shipper, lol) dropped kenzie’s url in the replies of one of the artists’ posts, saying she was the one who was “sending anons”—a statement which isn’t true on any front, because *i* started the criticism and we never told people to talk to the artist—and kenzie got two anons calling her names and being generally vile. kenzie closed her inbox, i messaged the user who posted her url and told them it was a shitty thing to do, nothing came of that.

a few hours later, a popular klance blogger received an ask talking about one of the artists’ fanfics and how awful it was, and that blogger published the ask publicly and agreed with them, talking about how gross the artist portrays klance and how there’s clear evidence that their intention is fetishization. kenzie and i felt the highest we had in our entire lives. multiple people have come forward talking abt how much they dislike ml’s shit, including just now when a popular kl writer messaged me—though i MUST say they did not directly mention the artist or her work, they were just talking abt how much they appreciated my view of klance. but still, the timing was there.

since all of this, ml has deleted all mention of any of this except for some asks supporting her. to the best of my knowledge her ask box remains closed? i’d rather not go back on her blog to check; i don’t want to see that klance, it upsets me.

but that’s the story. kenzie and i are shocked that people actually cared about what we said, and moreover, decided to listen and Act. we’ve made these criticisms for months and for the most part they just remained in our little blogosphere, but it seems this time they’ve actually spread out and reached people outside of kenzie and i’s direct influence/interaction. it’s kind of scary but also seeing people understand and feel the same way makes me so happy as an mlm, you have no idea.

and that’s what you missed on glee

[heyitsneen]

Buckle in because I have been on a RIDE the last few months so I wanna write it all out how BTS stole my whole soul.

I didn’t want to get into kpop even though i remember casually liking a couple shinee songs way back in like 2008 and coming across some kpop music videos when i lived in vietnam in 2012. all i remembered basically was ‘SHIIIIINNNEEEE’ lmao and remembered thinking it was fun but not really listening to it. I had a weird snobbishness against kpop fandom but secretly always knew from the glimpses of fancams and gifs and music vids i’d casually come across that if i looked into it i’d probably like it. I had no IDEA though how talented most kpop groups are and how much dancing was involved. I confess I had a really american view of pop groups and expected it to be all about looks and really poppy boy-band/girl-band, which I also do like...but didn’t put me in a rush to find out more about kpop. If I had realized how much they dance I know I would have looked more into it years ago because I love and respect dancing. I still knew I had the potential to like it if i ever looked into it, but I thought of it super shallow-ly so I never took the time to learn more. 

I remember years ago when Jin trended as ‘third guy from the left’ and i didn’t really know who he was at the time except that bts was pretty big and my college roommate casually liked them. I read through the comments on twitter at the time and was entertained and a little curious but didn’t look further. I remember seeing a pic as a result of the trend and finding out ppl called him World Wide Handsome and i found that hilarious and awesome and agreed with the assessment, I remember finding them all super handsome, but at this point still had only heard a little bit of Boy with Love.

Much later (years?) an NPR podcast I followed talked about Blackpink doing coachella and I got curious and watched a couple mvs and was really impressed but still casually. I now had a bit of a better respect for it but was still not really into it yet except thinking blackpink had bops and being generally vaguely aware that blackpink and bts were popular (i really didn’t realize how popular and how much music they were selling tbh).

Time passed and I forgot about it until about this april while I was bored in quarantine. I got SUPER into The Untamed and then super into finding out more about Wang Yibo...which lead to watching all of his dance stuff on youtube, which lead to a ton of stuff about Uniq. I was intrigued by kpop now because of learning more about Uniq, yibo, and then produce 101 and woodz but it was still casual.

I especially loved watching the dancing so I started watching dance compilations on youtube of kpop dancing. The whole dance practice thing amazed me and I had so much fun watching dances but wasn’t really getting into who was who yet or the music really. Then Taemin’s Move happened to me and I was HOOKED on that and watched it a ton of times in the next week or so while also watching playlists of generally popular kpop music vids. I started wanting to just see a bit of what was popular and was having a good time but not really hooked yet beyond quarantine boredom and knowing that looking up kpop dance vids was going to become a thing i did on youtube probably from then on.

By coincidence around this time the Daechwita music video came out and had a ton of views so i got curious and was in awe of it when I watched it. I loved the rapping, the hype-ness, the cinematography, the lyrics...everything. I learned then from the comment section that Agust D was actually Suga from BTS which instantly made me want to know way more about bts, but I was still stuck on thinking of them as pop and amazed that suga was such a good rapper. So I wanted to see how other people reacted to him and watched a ton of reaction vids of ppl reacting to Daechwita.

This made me curious about Suga and BTS so I watched DNA and Boy With Love and enjoyed those but they were more what I expected as more poppy songs, so at that point I just enjoyed it casually for the eye and ear candy, but I was amazed that agust d was one of the members in that group and the duality of that had me intrigued (i naively thought agust d/suga’s rapping was completely a separate persona than BTS, before I realized how talented suga, RM, and jhope are within bts too and how many of their songs have a lot of rap as well). So I wanted to learn more about BTS but just watching stuff by myself seemed boring so I binge watched reaction vids of people reacting to bts for the first time and learned way more about them along with youtubers and had a blast. Watching reaction vids at first felt like hanging out with other clueless friends all chatting about this thing new to us, so somehow it made everything feel more accessible to me especially while I missed casually browsing youtube with my friends during quarantine. Mic Drop was the first of their songs to get stuck in my head and had me specifically looking up the MV/listening to it and searching out ppls reactions to Mic Drop. Then I came across reactions to the 2019 mma performance and was blown away and watched a TON of reactions to that but I still didn’t know who anyone was and hadn’t looked into many lyrics but by then i was super impressed by the effort and performance level.

A turning point from casual fun interest to deeper stanning happened though when I watched a reaction vid someone made (unfortunately can’t remember who now) to Spring Day and the explanation of Spring Day. I was AMAZED at the intellectual and careful artistry in that music video and the heart put into it. This for me started to elevate my curiosity about bts specifically over just being curious about kpop in general. I decided to watch a bunch of reactions to ‘who is bts’ type of vids because i wanted to know their names at that point and I was blindsided by how impressed I was with their thought processes (specifically RM and Suga, especially at first), their individual strengths, their personalities in general, their bonds, their work ethic and ambition, and their inspirational story. I decided to watch their music vids on my own in chronological order and realized that there was reoccurring and connected story and symbolism in their music vids stretching for years and was SO HYPE about that and impressed by it (I love analyzing media, I even was briefly a film major so I was GEEKED about the artistry and symbols in their music vids even before I realized the references or how confusing and deep it ran and that made me like them even more). I googled about the storyline looking for theories/explanations and found the webtoon, which just blew my mind that they even had a webtoon! I read it in one night lol, I was in multimedia heaven honestly I have never heard of a music group being so into using so many mediums for entertainment and was definitely feeling so happy to get into it. THE WINGS SHORT FILMS were I think what officially elevated everything for me and made me know I’d always want to keep an eye on what they were putting out there because it was so so cool to me that they’d have this storyline in their music videos and also take the time to make these little artsy short movies I was SO IMPRESSED and blown away.

The real soul steeling happened though when I saw RM’s UN speech and started watching more compilations and reactions showing RM and Suga talking about their thoughts about their success and their music and learning about the relationships and personalities of the members...I quickly grew to appreciate each individual which really surprised me because how can one group be so complete and have 7 individually interesting people in it. I loved too that they all had their own solo stuff and were allowed to each shine in their own ways. It became about more than music for me at some point in there and I know now I’ll probably have warm feelings about them and want to root for them on a deeper level for a long time. Now their music is so enriched for me by all the behind the scenes stuff I’ve seen. I really in earnest then was mainlining all of the stuff I could in a mix of reaction vids to funny compilations to lyric breakdowns to finding an index that lists as much as possible in chronological order that I’m now watching through including their early vlogs and gameshows and it’s just so fascinating to me how much content they have documenting their whole journey and I am having such a fun and moving and inspiring time watching it. It’s really helped me during quarantine especially and now I can really say I am a really big fan of BTS and probably will be for a really long time.

I still sometimes watch other kpop music vids and have now seen all of TXTs stuff, but so far other groups haven’t grabbed my heart in the same way. I know at some point they probably will and I have been really impressed by the talent all throughout kpop in general that i’ve seen. I can usually only be obsessed with one thing at a time though lol, but I look forward to paying more attention in general to kpop from now on!

But there is something really special to me about BTS right now so I’m just letting myself bask in that obsession and it is so great. So many of their lyrics move me, RM and Suga alone are such interesting people that they alone would make me want to keep up with BTS. But then on top of that the rest are so great in their own ways too and Jimin along the way became probably my ‘bias’ though I really do like them all so much in their own ways that choosing one as a fave feels stupid. Then on the shallower note they are also beautiful, so there is that...but that is such a small piece of why I love them now. Kpop combos everything I love about music...the theatrics, the symbolism, the flashiness, the music, the makeup, the glam, the dancing, the fun, the inspiration, the acting, the iconography...and with bts it’s also a group of guys who are so intensely likable and root-able, with a huge amount of content, who reflect a lot on what it means to love yourself and know yourself and who are really open about how much effort goes into their crazy lives...and I am just upset that I didn’t know more about them years ago.

I can also completely see why fans are a bit obsessive and defensive about the genre and about their fave groups now...because the western media still doesn’t really get how impressive this stuff is and how much work goes into it. I mean already groups like one direction and other pop groups had to fight uphill battles for respect b/c for some reason pop music gets such a bad rep. But western media and ppl who never bother to look into kpop look down on it so dismissively as mindless pop or just about looks and are so extra condescending about it like these kpop groups are lucky to come to the US or something. There’s so much reluctance to embrace it even when it’s so popular, that fans have to shove it’s popularity in ppls faces for it to start to be accepted finally, and even now the attitude in media toward it seems pretty dismissive like it’s just temporary or about teenage girls or they focus on the fans and not the music...or they purposefully overly focus on negative or perceived negatives and look for things to discredit their accomplishments. In some ways the popularity BTS has accomplished is even more impressive to me than the beatles comparisons imply, because BTS did it with a language barrier, while dancing, and in the face of the US still being pretty racist against asians. It really is impressive, and even as a new fan I get so frustrated when people try to dismiss it as fad or minimize their successes and the mark on culture and music history that not just kpop but specifically BTS is making with these accolades and firsts.

Way too much western media focus goes to extra shit like: how young they are (they aren’t even really younger than a lot of american performers anyway), dismissing their involvement in the music process (freaking do your research and give credit where credit is due, many idols are more involved in their creative process than american singers anyway and even if they weren’t why are we suddenly caring about that?!), focusing on the rules they are under from companies (accept that it’s a different culture...also, disney anyone?), crediting their collaborators for their success more than them (sia added absolutely nothing to ON for example...and their success is not because of Halsey..and stop f-ing asking who they want to collab with), not giving credit for their dancing and over-focusing on live vocals without crediting them for singing /while/ dancing (that shit’s hard and no one is doing it like kpop, and even if sometimes live vocals get shaky the way people specifically nitpick and harp on that for them is so stupid when plenty of super popular ‘western’ singers also give some shaky live performances or also use a backing track all while dancing a hell of a lot less), criticizing them for makeup (i honestly think this is thinly disguised racism/fetishism at work because plenty of american male artists wear makeup and are not met with the uncomfortable comparisons to dolls and girls and sexualized criticism that american media gives this), dismissing them as just ‘pretty’, judging them for how the trainee system works (which they don’t really have control over, and is pretty hypocritical anyway when you consider how western music contracts and studios work...shadiness is intense in american music industry too), constantly wanting them to put more english into their music (spanish songs are getting radio play (tbh also not enough), and their global success keeping their korean lyrics proves anyway that we should be moving beyond caring so much about language barriers but the radio/media response is just so behind what people are listening to/buying and it’s frustrating how xenophobic it is). 

now that I know more about it, it’s so insulting how condescending some of the interview questions they get and some of the articles about kpop are because they act like kpop is some alien thing that’s lucky to break into the US as if the US is the center of everything and tbh it’s disrespectful and xenophobic and often racist. kpop is a whole package of entertainment and showmanship that honestly is way more work than most of the famous ‘western’ performers bring to their shows and music vids. I am not naive and I do know that language does affect radio play, but it’s not hard to look up lyric translations and music is really transcendent of language imo. It’s not like they need to be playing every new group or even a ton of korean music, I know that american radio is pretty guttless at the prospect of sharing ‘new’ stuff, it’s a lot of the same stuff repeatedly, but at the very least the groups and songs that are organically selling huge numbers and getting hugely popular should get the radio play that reflects some of that popularity. Really entertainers in the US should be trying to learn from the kpop scene and tbh it should be way more respected than the condescending reluctant attitude music media in the US especially has been giving it. I do feel like maybe the attitudes are changing and I hope they are. I really feel like it’s the future of pop and it’s really exciting for me now to finally know more about it and be more aware of it for the future.

[parkaiur]

Perfection - Jihoon

❀ Comedy + fluff + a dash of angst 

❀ Word count: 6.2 K

❀Being in love with your best friend sucks when they don’t feel the same about you. Once you think you will be pining over him forever, a new boy moves to your school and happens to share all the same classes as you. You start to become entranced with his cute face and fun personality, soon making you forget about the previous boy, or have you?

❀A/N: switching to first pov to see which i like more lol so dont attack me,,,  also im sorry for making these fics so long lsakdjfas idk if ppl like long fics or short fics so some feedback would be nice >.< thank u all for supporting me on my last fic as well ! :D hope u enjoy this one <3

-----

I rode into the school parking lot, rolling my eyes at the loud music playing throughout school. Every Friday morning, the school blared loud music inside and outside the school which I despised. I groaned and parked my car crookedly-- I was a terrible driver. 

“Wow, just another Friday morning.” My next door neighbor, Seunghun grumbled while getting out of the car. We had been neighbors ever since we were kids, and once we hit high school, Seunghun had to start driving me places since he was one year older than me. Of course, now that I was older, we took turns.

“I can’t wait to get out of this place.” I groaned while downing my coffee. I could never function without it. Seunghun patted me on the back. “You still have two years kid. Junior year is the suckiest too but at least it’s almost winter break.” 

I sighed and tried to ignore the rambunctious teenagers that were screaming and dancing to the music. That was just embarrassing. 

“Well, well, well, good morning to you two.” I jumped at the sudden deep voice behind me but my heart jumped when I saw who it was. “Oh, it’s just you.” I joked. Seunghun laughed loudly and poked Hyunsuk teasingly.

“Why do I even bother anymore?” Hyunsuk rolled his eyes playfully while walking next to my side. I felt warm at his close proximity, my face probably turning red as time ticked by. But of course, they were dudes, they didn’t notice. 

Seunghun and I had been friends since we were in diapers, but I’d only thought of him as an older brother figure in my life, and he thought of me as a little sister. Hyunsuk  had transferred to our high school during my freshman year of high school. Hyunsuk and Seunghun were both in dance club and in the same math class-- they immediately clicked. And somehow we all became best friends that told each other everything. 

Except that I had a big fat crush on Hyunsuk.

“School dance tickets are now available at the register! Go get your tickets now!” I saw the president of leadership shout these words through the commons. I tried not to flinch at the volume. Seunghun giggled childishly at my reaction while I pinched his side. “Hey! Don’t hurt me.” He gave me a cute frown which made me resist pinching him again. I knew he could tickle me to death if he wanted to. 

Hyunsuk then smirked and hit Seunghun’s shoulder playfully. “Hey, aren’t you taking Hyemi to the dance?” Seunghun’s demeanor immediately changed from confident to shy. Hyunsuk gripped my shoulder to keep him from laughing out loud. I felt empty when he set his hand down to his side once again. 

“Shut up, I haven’t even asked her yet.” Hyunsuk and I gasped dramatically at Seunghun’s revelation. “Kim Seunghun, the dance is a few Saturdays from today, how dare you!” I faked being shocked while Hyunsuk played along with me. Seunghun rolled his eyes and kept on walking. He was so done my and Hyunsuk’s antics. 

Seunghun then wiggled his eyebrows and punched the other boy on the shoulder. “Enough about me, I heard a little something through the grapevine that Hyunsuk is asking Kyungmi to the winter formal.” 

My heart dropped at the news, but I kept a playful smile on my face. I hoped it wasn’t faltering. “Wait, what? Why haven’t I heard about this?” I punched his shoulder while he cringed at the pain. 

I took a peak at Hyunsuk’s expression which was cheeky and mysterious. He was never the type to get flustered when it came to girls. The older boy adjusted his jacket and wiggled his eyebrows at the both of us. 

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.” He said suspiciously while fixing his hair. I felt my hopes getting lower and lower at his statement. Hyunsuk shook his head and slung an arm around my shoulder. I held in my yelp of surprise. 

This is normal, friends do this. Don’t make it weird.

“How about you, y/n? Who are you taking to the winter formal? Any boys been lining up at your door?” I snorted and took his arm off of me so that my heart would stop doing little flip flops.

I took a sip of my coffee and shook my head. “Nope, sorry, I’m the one with the boring love life in this circle.” I tried to not let my voice sound disappointed. I felt Seunghun pinch my cheeks. “Aw, y/n, it’s fine, I’m sure someone will ask you soon.” 

Most juniors and seniors had dates to the winter formal and if you didn’t, you were basically seen as a loser. I was going to be a loser, but honestly I didn’t care about being one. If I wasn’t going with Hyunsuk, I didn’t want a date at all.

“It’s fine, I don’t mind going alone.” Lie. I didn’t want to go at all. I knew Hyunsuk was going to pluck up the courage to ask Kyungmi and I didn’t want to see that happen. Nor did I want to fifth wheel the two of them.

Hyunsuk pouted and looked over at Seunghun. I was scared the two of them were planning something. “Are you sure? We probably have a few guy friends we could set you up with.” I saw his hopeful expression which broke my heart into tiny pieces and I shook my head. “Seriously, it’s fine, I don’t need one and I don’t want one.” My voice came out harsher than expected which made the two boys freeze. I heard the bell ring, meaning we had to now separate and go to class. 

“Truly, I’m not upset about it, just leave it be. I can have fun by myself anyways.” I patted the two of them on the back and scurried to class. 

As I plunked down in my seat for history, I released a sigh of relief. Most days I felt normal around the two of them, but whenever they brought up relationships or dating, I tried to avoid it at all costs. 

I plugged in my earbuds, getting ready to drone out whatever the teacher was saying. I had already read the chapter for this week so my first period was about to become snooze town. 

Before I could turn on my music, I heard a group of girls enter the classroom giggling and laughing about something. I was about to tune them out til I caught a sliver of their conversation.

“No way, he’s going to ask you? Shut up!” 

“Yeah, he just texted me and asked me to meet him after school!” I felt my heart drop as I turned and saw Kyungmi gossiping to her friends. Of course, Hyunsuk already decided to act fast since Kyungmi was one of the prettiest girls in the junior class. 

“Hyunsuk is asking you? I seriously thought he was dating y/n.” A wave of silence washed over the group until I heard a few chuckles.

I felt anxiety creep into my system and I quickly wanted to turn my attention away from the situation. 

“Oh no! They’re just friends. I mean, y/n is a nice girl but...” I heard her whisper the last part. “But I mean, she just isn’t Hyunsuk’s type, you know what I mean?” 

I clicked the play button on my playlist, refusing to let tears fall in this dingy high school classroom.

I dosed off in class, feeling the soft voice of Dean drift me to sleep. Suddenly, I felt someone kick my desk, jolting my eyes open. The teacher pulled out my earbuds which irked me to no ends. I hated when anyone touched my earbuds and I felt the urge to smack my teacher’s hands right then and there. 

“Ah, glad you could join us miss y/n.” I resisted the urge to roll my eyes when I saw an unfamiliar boy staring at me. He had round eyes that had sort of an edge to them, making him seem mischievous yet innocent. He was wearing a white hoodie and blue jeans which made him look good. I couldn’t help he was eye candy. “This, is our new student Park Jihoon.” He smiled at me and I gave my best smile back, which was my most awkward one. 

“Um... cool.” I noted lamely, unaware of the situation. I heard a few giggles throughout the classroom. Mr. Kim kept his anger in. 

He cleared his throat and directed my eyes to Jihoon. “I told Jihoon to sit next to the empty desk next to yours, but unfortunately, you were not awake to hear that. Also, mister Jihoon also happens to have the same schedule as yours, so you’ll automatically be his guide for school. Now, onto the second world war.” My jaw dropped as the teacher nonchalantly told me I had to be the guide for Jihoon.

It’s not like I hated the guy or anything, but being a guide for someone at my school means that I had to basically baby sit him. I had to include him in my friend group, talk with him during class, and make him feel welcome essentially. Usually people had to sign up for it, but I never did. I never liked the hassle. But apparently my luck keeps getting worse and worse as the day went on. 

“Hey,” I heard the boy next to me whisper. I turned to my right and saw Jihoon looking at me with bright eyes. I felt my heart waver at his cute stare. 

“Do you have a pencil I could borrow? I stupidly left mine at home.” He whispered. I nodded and tossed him an extra that he skillfully caught. “Thanks.” 

“No problem.” I whispered back. This time, I didn’t plus my earbuds back in.

-----

Class seemed like it ended sooner than usual. 

“So have you always gone to this high school?” Jihoon nonchalantly started conversation with me, which made me envious of him. I had never been the type to make friends so easily. 

I lowered my head so that he could see my entire face. “Um, yup. Been going to school with basically the same people since elementary school.” His face scrunched up in disgust and I let out a bark of laughter. “Yeah, it’s as horrible as it sounds.” 

I noticed lots girls were staring at the new boy who was standing next to me, a nobody with two hot best friends. I tried to not look at the crowd but it was hard.

“So, math next. Love that subject.” He grit his teeth and pretended to look angry. I let out a small chuckle at his childish antics. I couldn’t help my laughter, he was a funny dude. He gave me a small smile in return. “I hate math too, it’s my worst subject.” He nodded but narrowed his eyes at me. 

“That’s surprising considering you seemed like you were falling asleep throughout our entire history period.” I gasped at his accusation while he rolled his eyes. “Ok, in my defense, I already read the chapter, I don’t need to pay attention. I’m only there ‘cause our ass of a teacher has attendance as 20% of our total grade.” 

Jihoon’s eyes widened while I patted him on the back, a habit I picked up from being around Hyunsuk and Seunghun too often. Jihoon didn’t seem to mine it though. “Yeah, I know, that’s I just sleep in it. He usually doesn’t even care besides today since you showed up.” 

Jihoon shrugged and said nothing else as we walked to our next class. 

---

The day went by quickly and soon it was nearing the last period of the day. 

“Hey, y/n!” I heard Hyunsuk yell my name faintly across the busy hallway. I felt my heart jolt a bit in surprise as I stopped in the hallway. Before I could explain to Jihoon who was yelling my name, he was running at me at full speed. 

Hyunsuk quickly embraced me in a hug, twirling me around. “AAAH HYUNSUK, LEMME DOWN!” I shouted into his ear, yet I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. As Hyunsuk set me down, he locked eyes with Jihoon. “Oh, uh, hey, I’m Hyunsuk, you one of y/n’s friends?” Hyunsuk obnoxiously wiggled his eyebrows which made my mood deflate. I hated when he teased me about other boys, even though I knew it wasn’t his fault he didn’t know my feelings.

Jihoon didn’t tease me but instead laughed and shook Hyunsuk’s hands. “Actually she’s my guide, but I’m sure we’ll be close friends by the end of the day.” Jihoon winked in my direction which made my cheeks turn a bright red. 

Hyunsuk gasped and slapped me on the shoulder. Suddenly, I felt Hyunsuk pull me closer to him protectively. My blush, that was already bright pink, deepened at the contact. “Gasp, the only people y/n is close with is with me and Seunghun, the tall blonde tree over there.” Jihoon peaked over my shoulder to take a look at Seunghun. “Huh, interesting.” Jihoon mumbled.

I felt Hyunsuk’s arms grow looser around my body which made me sigh in relief. Jihoon raised a brow at me but said nothing to my odd behavior. 

“Hyunsuk, over here!” I saw another group of boys calling Hyunsuk over which meant he was leaving me. He gave me a pat on the back and glared at Jihoon before walking away. “I’m watching you boy, no funny business with y/n or else you’ll...” Hyunsuk did the cutting neck motion to which Jihoon responded with raised brows. Hyunsuk ran over to the other guy and molded quickly into the group. He was always really good at fitting in.

I noticed Jihoon was already looking at me when I turned to meet his gaze. “Um, sorry about that, Hyunsuk and Seunghun, the tree, are sort of protective of me. We’ve been friends for a long time now.” I explained to him. Jihoon gave me a soft grin.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced over to Hyunsuk. “So, does he know that you like him?” I choked on my own spit at his accusation. Wait, what? How did he guess that? 

Lie. You have to lie. “Um, what? I do not like Hyunsuk.” I spat out fake laughter and shook my head nervously. Ok I was a terrible liar. 

Jihoon gave me the look. That look someone gives you when they’re calling you on your bullshit. I sighed and gave in. “Ok, yes, maybe I do have a tiny crush on him but he doesn’t know, and he shall never know, got it?” I glared at the taller boy as he raised his hands in surrender.

“I’ll never tell another living soul, you’re secret is safe with me.” He pretended to zip his lips and throw away the key, making me chuckle in response. 

We walked into our English class together, sitting near the back of the class, where I usually sat. 

Jihoon abruptly turned to me. “Ok.. are you always this angsty? You sit at the back of classroom with your hood up and earbuds in in every single class. You act like you don’t know anything but somehow you answer every question a teacher asks you right.” He moved closer to you. He gently whispered in my ear, “and you fall for your best friend and never risk telling him because hmmm you’re probably too scared to get too close to somebody. What’s your story?” 

I should be getting upset at his mention of my crush, but all I could focus on was how close he was to me. Snap out of it, y/n, your hormones are just whack because all the guys you see are Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Chill. 

I leaned back in my chair, trying to calm my racing heart. His face wasn’t judgmental, but rather curious. “Hm, that’s a loaded question, or questions I guess. I don’t know how to describe my angstyness or where it came from. Also I can’t give you a reason as to why I like who I like and why I choose to hide it besides that it’s embarrassing.” I said the last two words louder and smacked his arm playfully. He laughed and clutched it like he was in pain. 

“Ouchhhh,” He whined and held it out to me. “Kiss it and make it feel better.” He jutted out his plump bottom lip to act cute. I gasped and hit his arm again. 

He, in return, laughed and pulled his arm away. “See, we’re practically best friends now.” He said softly. I had nothing to say because the teacher started class already but I had to admit, he had a way at making my cold facade warm.

------

It was the end of the day, finally, and Jihoon and I parted our separate ways. We exchanged numbers and he made me promise I wouldn’t drop him after the first day. To be honest, I don’t think I could if I tried. 

I walked to the parking lot, my familiar hood up and earbuds in. Even though I expected it, I felt two hands on my shoulder that pushed off of me, making me stop in surprise. I paused my music and took out my earbuds to face an excited Hyunsuk and Seunghun. 

“What-”

They both slung an arm around me, which made me greatly suspicious. “So, boy.”

“Dude.” 

“Guy.”

“Male.” 

“Cute boy.”

“Nice boy.” 

“Funny-”

“Oh would you two shut up?” I shoved them away and walked faster to the car. I heard them both laughing, even though their teasing wasn’t that funny. Especially when I still had feelings for Hyunsuk.

“Aw c’mon, it’s just I’ve never seen you with other guys... or other people besides us... willingly... like ever.” Hyunsuk babbled. Seunghun nodded in agreement. “He’s right. You always keep to yourself, I swear you were never going to make friends with anyone besides us your entire high school career.” Seunghun admit. I rolled my eyes and tried to get in my car. But the two stopped me to question me some more. 

Suddenly, in the corner of my eye, I saw Jihoon walking out, probably walking to his car as well. Somehow, the boy caught my eye and immediately waved and smiled. I didn’t want to be rude so I obviously reciprocated his actions. As he turned away, Seunghun and Hyunsuk looked at me with wide eyes.

“Woaaahhhh that was the nicest I’ve ever seen you act to someone. Are you sure you’re y/n??” Hyunsuk pressed his hand to my forehead which now burned because of his gentle touch. “Hey, you’re actually warm. Are you getting sick?” He stood closer to me and examined my face. I could tell he was worried because of his furrowed brows. 

Before he could think too much into it, I pulled his hand off. “Maybe I’m warm because I’m so angry at you two for being annoying assholes.” I spat and then proceeded to jump into the drivers seat. “Bye, Hyunsuk.” I pulled out of the driveway quickly and ignored Seunghun’s stare.

“Y/n, are you really getting sick? It’s almost Christmas, I don’t want you to miss out on our annual movie marathon.” Seunghun said, concern laced in his voice. Out of the two boys, I was closer to Seunghun. Yes, I loved Hyunsuk as much as I loved Seunghun, but Seunghun and I had a history together. He got me and I got him. It was painful to keep this secret from him, but knowing Seunghun, he would tell Hyunsuk immediately, not to be a prick, but because he would think it was the right thing to do. And I could never let Hyunsuk know how I feel about him. Ever.

I slapped his hand away playfully. “Shut up, it’s like a month to Christmas, I’ll be fine by then even if I am getting sick. And if I am getting sick, it’s because you two had the smart idea to have a water balloon fight in the middle of December.” Seunghun burst into laughter at the memory. I couldn’t help myself chuckle as well.

“You’re right, I take full responsibility along with Hyunsuk. We will cater to your needs if you do get sick.” He pretended to bow and I just shoved him away. Bantering with him like this felt normal, and I liked normal.

-----

Normal did not last long. 

I curled up in my bed, reading to read a trilogy I had been looking forward to getting into during the week. I felt my bed vibrate which signaled that I got a text. 

As I saw who the text was from, my eyes widened. “What the heck.” I whispered to myself, praying my parents didn’t hear me having a mental breakdown at 11pm. I took a deep breath and opened the text.

‘what’s fun to do around here? i’m dying of boredom x_x’ I chuckled at the use of his self-made emoji. He even texted cute. 

I waited a few seconds to not make me seem eager and replied ‘um... read a book?’ 

He read it. My heart was pounding. ‘... r u joking?’

I tried to conceal my laughter. ‘no... that’s what im doing right now’

‘wow... how sexy’ This time, I couldn’t help the giggles that flew from my mouth. Hopefully my parents were in deep slumber. ‘too strong?’ He texted back quickly.

‘no, you have the same humor as seunghun and hyunsuk tho lol’ 

‘wow the same humor as your two besties ,, im flattered’

‘is that sarcasm i detect?’

‘no sarcasm here captain’

I chuckled at his cute humor. I couldn’t help but feel like I’ve known this guy for years, yet I just met him yesterday. 

Suddenly, I saw those three dots appear. I gulped in anticipation. ‘are you ok?’ he texted randomly. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

‘why wouldnt i be?’

‘... you know...’

‘???’

‘... hyunsuk asked kyungmi to the dance.’ he deadpanned. Somehow, that thought had completely left my mind. And for some odd reason, I didn’t feel all too upset about it anymore. 

Fuck, that’s going on? You like Hyunsuk. You should be feeling upset. 

‘oh yeah, im fine, ill get over it tbh’

He read my message, but took a little longer to respond. I grew nervous at his next words. 

‘can i call you?’

Suddenly, my conscious just flew out the window. “What the... shoot what do I do?” I whispered to myself. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to call him, or that I was weirded out by it, but because I was nervous. 

“Fuck it.”

‘sure’ I waited for him to read the text. I heard my phone ring and I immediately picked it up so my parents wouldn’t hear. 

“Hi.” He said. His voice was deeper than usual and I heard lots rustling, meaning he was probably in bed. 

“Hey.” I replied back lamely. I had never really done the phone call thing. Seunghun lived right next door to me, so if he wanted to talk, then he would just pop over. Hyunsuk would just drive to one of our houses and force us to hang out with him. I guess I’d never experienced a normal high school friendship.

“So...” He trailed off. I held in my laugh. It seemed like everything he said was funny to me. “So...” I trailed off as well. 

“What are you wearing right now?” His voice dropped a few octaves, but his tone made me burst out into laughter. I covered my mouth quickly. 

“What the fuck, Jihoon??” I whispered hurriedly. I heard him holding in his laughter as well. “Sorry, it was an innocent question.” He joked.

There was a moment of silence for a second. “Polar bear pajamas.” I finally answered. 

“I’m wearing my boxers.” I spat out laughter at his truthful response. “What? Guys don’t really sleep in lots of clothes.” I covered my face, trying to not imagine what he looked like. 

“You’re an idiot, Jihoon. But, I need to hang up because you’re making me laugh too hard and my parents are in the room next to me.” I said truthfully. I heard him whine over the phone and I couldn’t almost visualize a pout.

“Then why did you agree to call in the first place?” He whined. “Because, I was curious on what you had to say.” I said truthfully. 

He paused for a moment, probably trying to soak in my words. “Good point. But, ok, I’ll let you go then so your parents don’t hunt me down for making their daughter laugh.” I bit my lip, hiding a smile at the declaration. 

“Goodnight.” He whispered softly. 

“Goodnight, Jihoon.” I waited a few moments til I hung up the phone, setting it on my counter.

What am I doing? I like Hyunsuk.

-----

I admit, I was a bit nervous to see Jihoon on Monday again. After our talk on Saturday, I felt like we got closer. I’d never bonded with anyone so fast before, well besides Seunghun and Hyunsuk. 

I sat down in our history class and listened to music. I felt a tug on my shoulder, which made my eyes shoot open. I was glad he didn’t tug out my earbuds as most people did. I paused my music and set down my phone.

He was wearing an oversized sweater with dark jeans. His hair was styled today and framed his face nicely. “Hey.” He smiled at me. I noticed how his teeth were perfectly straight, meaning he probably just got his braces off. How cute.

“Hey, you do the history reading?” I started the conversation to show I was friendly. He leaned his backpack against his desk and organized all his things on his desk. He narrowed his eyes at me while I chuckled. “What do you think? I was too busy chatting up pretty girls on the weekend.” For some odd reason, I felt my heart sink at that statement.

He was texting other girls besides me? I crinkled my nose awkwardly, a habit I had when I was uncomfortable. 

“For the record, the only girl I texted over the weekend as you." I looked into his eyes and saw his eyes softly gaze into mine. His brown eyes looked so doe-like that I wanted to reach over and kiss his cheeks. 

Jihoon then switched gears and gave me a goofy smirk to show he was kidding. My nerves died down at his teasing. “Shut up. I’m sure you tell that to all the girls you text.” I fibbed nervously. Jihoon didn’t take his gaze off me when he shook his head. “Think what you want, y/n, but one day you’ll fall for my charms.” He gave me a shy smile that contradicted his confident words. 

"Hyunsuk! Stop, just go to class!” The high pitched voice caught my attention with the name of my best friend. I took a look to the door and saw Kyungmi coming in, with Hyunsuk backhugging her. I felt my heart clench as I saw the two together. I knew they had been somewhat “official” after Hyunsuk asked her to the dance and she accepted, but it still felt weird and upsetting.

I felt my mood deflate when looking at them and it was obvious. “Hey.” I heard a faint whisper to my right. I pulled my strong gaze away from the two lovebirds who were laughing loudly and sharing intimate eye contact. Jihoon had his brows furrowed and concerned looking. 

“Yeah?” I whispered. I hated people pitying me and tried to play off my sadness as fatigue. Jihoon didn’t fall for it. Instead of speaking, he took my hand and gave it a light squeeze. Usually I hated when people touched me without my permissions... or at all. But with him, it felt normal.

Hyunsuk barely spared me a glance when he was with Kyungmi although he knew my schedule to a T. Or at least I thought he did. I tried to catch his eye, but it was no use.

“Why do you even like him?” Jihoon mumbled close to my ear, so that no one could hear it. I scoffed at the question. What was there not to like? Hyunsuk is attractive, athletic, a good rapper and dancer, funny, kind...he was basically perfect.

I didn’t realize I said those attributes outloud until Jihoon leaned back in his chair in annoyance. “Well, that’s not what I asked. Why do YOU like him?” 

“I just told you.” I spat. Jihoon shook his head slightly and pulled his hood up, copying my style. 

“Sure you did.” 

I opened my mouth to he meant by that, but before I could say anything, the teacher started spewing fact about the Korean War, making me lose my chance. 

-----

A couple weeks had passed and soon the winter formal was right around the corner. 

Jihoon and I were chilling in my living room, watching Infinity War as we ate pizza. I had grown close to the boy and found myself hanging out with him more than I hung out with Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Which they complained about constantly, but I couldn’t help if I hated seeing Hyunsuk and Kyungmi or hearing talk about her. It was a constant reminder that I wasn’t his to talk about.

“I feel like Dr. Strange is the most underrated of them all. Like deadass the man saw a gajillion outcomes of the future where they all died... what a traumatic experience.” Jihoon mumbled while stuffing a pizza into his mouth. I nodded in agreement.

“You right, bro. I would legit die if I saw myself die.” Jihoon paused at my dumb statement but just threw a piece of popcorn at me. 

By the end of the movie, we were sobbing into our blankets while the boxes of pizza were strewn everywhere. Jihoon grabbed the tissue box and wiped his tears. I felt him dab my tears politely which made me laugh. 

“Hey, at least you’re a pretty crier, some of us are less fortunate.” He joked while wiping his tears. He paused the movie so we could compose ourselves and mourn over the multiple losses. I threw my tissue at him. “Shut up, everyone is an ugly crier.” 

“Nah, I mean, you’re pretty so that’s why you’re a pretty crier.” I felt him lean closer to me which made me feel nervous. “I’m not even pretty.” I mumbled. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I was stunning but I wasn’t ugly. I could be looked at for more than 5 seconds without pure disgust but it’s not like I was drop dead gorgeous.

“Hm, that’s debatable.” I heard his voice drop into a low whisper and suddenly he was leaning in. My heart beat picked up and goosebumps formed on my arms. Out of instinct, I backed away.

Immediately, I regretted it after seeing the dejected look on his face. “Jihoon, I’m sorry I just.” I sighed in panic. “I just still like Hyunsuk.” I whispered. I saw him turn away in sadness which broke my heart. 

I thought we were going to sit in silence the entire time until he turned to me with slight anger in his eyes. “Or so you think.” He mumbled. He turned to stand and walk out. I furrowed my brows in confusion. I shot up from my seat and followed him to the door, thankfully, he didn’t make it too far. 

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean by that?” I demanded. “Of course I like Hyunsuk, he’s like...”

Jihoon turned to face me and scoffed. “Let me guess perfect?” 

Suddenly, with great timing, my door flew open.

“HO HO HO ! DID SOMEONE NOT INVITE US TO THE PARTY?” Before I could comprehend what was happening, Seunghun ran at me and scooped me into his arms. 

Hyunsuk plopped on the other side of Jihoon and slung an arm around him. “Hey, is this your first date or something, sorry to intrude.” Hyunsuk wiggled his eyebrows and nudged Jihoon slightly.

Jihoon forced a smile and shrugged. “Nah man, we’re just friends.” For some reason, I felt my heart deflate at that statement even though I just turned him down a few seconds ago.

Seriously, what’s wrong with me?

Hyunsuk ‘awwed’ at Jihoon and pinched his cheeks to where Jihoon ignored him. Jihoon still stared intensely at me like there wasn’t even anyone around us. 

His arms were crossed across his chest and his breathing was heavy. 

I assume Seunghun and Hyunsuk realized the situation and took a few steps back. Jihoon finally released some stress in his body and took a few steps to the door.

“Just.. Just call me when you’re ready to be real with your feelings.” Jihoon smoothly slipped on his shoes and opened the door. He gave me one last final look before shutting it softly which matched the shattering of me heart as well.

Seunghun, Hyunsuk, and I stood in silence at the awkwardness that rose from Jihoon’s farewell. I reached up to touch my face, realizing that it was wet with my tears. At the sight of them, I only broke down harder. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be-” I stepped away from Hyunsuk’s hug and held out my hands to distance myself. 

“Can you guys just go? I don’t wanna see anyone right now.” I felt my voice break on the last note and tried to hold in my tears. At first, I didn’t think they were going to leave, but I felt Seunghun pat my back before hearing the door shut, leaving me alone to deal with my thoughts and insecurities.

------

It was finally the winter formal. 

Yay. 

It was five pm and the dance started at nine. I wasn’t going though. 

I pulled the covers over my head and drowned out my sorrows with silence.

I had thought long and hard about Jihoon’s words, wondering what he meant. I liked Hyunsuk still... 

but did I really ? 

And what do I feel about Jihoon? 

Do I even care about who Hyunsuk dates anymore? 

I mean, I was staying inside crying over Jihoon and not even thinking to remember Hyunsuk and Kyungmi. I groaned and hit myself in the face with a pillow.

As I was laying still in my bed, I heard a knock on my door. I raised a brow as my parents knew not to bother me when I was in my room. “Are you decent?” 

I held in my eye roll as I recognized the voice. “Define decent.” I snapped back. The door opened, revealing a very dapper looking Seunghun and Hyunsuk. Suddenly I felt like a loser next to them. I buried my face in my pillows again. I heard Hyunsuk chuckle and suddenly the both of them were sitting on my bed, patting my back. “What are you guys doing here?” I mumbled.

“Where else would we be when our best friend is here, dying in her room?” Seunghun knocked my head gently with his fist, something he always did to me when I was a kid. My eyes swelled with tears at their kindness. I really didn’t deserve friends like them.

“Now, since we are here...” Seunghun started.

“Would you tell us what you’ve been hiding for so long? You’ve been acting so distance and out of it... it’s obvious y/n. Just talk to us normally, we’re your best friends. We will understand no matter what.” Hyunsuk finally said. I could tell when he was frustrated as Hyunsuk could never hide his emotions. 

“Yeah, what happened to the truth and nothing but the truth y/n?” There was a teasing tone in Seunghun’s words, but I could tell he was upset at me too, which made me feel like a bigger jerk.

Which is why I had to man up and tell them the truth.

“Fine.” I sat up from my bed and closed my eyes. Here goes nothing.

“So, basically, I had a crush on this dude. Who is not important. Anyways, Jihoon found out and I told him to hide it and he said he wouldn’t tell anybody. Long story short, I’m pretty sure Jihoon likes me and I am very, very confused on what I feel about him as I don’t know if I still like this dude. And also, I don’t really know what I like about the dude without what’s on the surface. And I guess I am losing romantic feelings for the dude as well. And with Jihoon, I feel so comfortable around him. Like everything is so natural and yeah I don’t know I hate myself.” I ranted before throwing my face down back on a pillow.

The two boys were silent for a moment until bursting into laughter. I lifted my head in confusion.

They both patted my backs and headed for the door.

“W-what? Where are you guys going?” 

Seunghun walked out first and gave me a shrug. As Hyunsuk turned to shut the door, he gave me a knowing smile. 

“Y/n, it’s obvious. I think you know what to do.”

Before I got a chance to say anything, Hyunsuk slammed the door in my face.

I sat there in a daze for a few short moments until I came to the realization. 

“Fuck I have to go talk to Jihoon.”

-----

I reached for my phone in a rush and texted him.

‘hey um, what r u doing right now?’ I texted off quickly before I lost my confidence. 

My hands were shaking in anticipation as I saw him typing. 

‘im getting ready to go to dinner before the formal’

I felt my heart drop at his response. I lost my chance... great. 

‘why?’ he texted back. 

‘just wondering,, have fun at the winter formal’ 

‘thanks’

A one word response, that meant he wanted the conversation to end. I set down my phone with a deflated ego. 

He already had a date. I guess he didn’t like me as much as I thought.

I sunk down in my bed and flopped over in my bed. I wasn’t the girl boys fought for, I was the girl you looked over, the girl you didn’t want.

I laid in silence to wallow in my self pity until I heard my doorbell ring. I groaned, thinking it was Hyunsuk and Seunghun coming to tease me again. I waddled down the stairs with a huge blanket wrapped around my arms. I flung open the door, ready to tell the boys to go away.

I was in great surprise when I saw Jihoon staring back at me instead of the two older boys. 

My eyes widened in surprise as he was dressed in normal clothes but I could tell his hair was styled and he put on cologne. 

“Hey.” His hands were in his pockets and his stance was really casual. 

“Um, h-hi.” I stuttered out. Obviously I was more nervous than him. He gave me one of his familiar smiles. “Can I come in?” I nodded and shuffled out of the way for him to enter my house. 

“I thought you were going to the dance.” I whispered, as if he wasn’t real. Humor danced through his eyes as he shrugged. 

“Nah, I sort of lied.” I raised my eyes in surprise. 

“Um, why would you do that?” 

“So I could do this.” 

Suddenly, he leaned down and captured my lips with his. The kiss was soft and sweet, yet passionate; it was everything I had imagined Jihoon would kiss like and more. His hands were gentle on the back of my neck and my hands moved to hold the belt loops on his pants. 

I heard him sigh as he pulled me closer. I could feel my heart racing faster at the close proximity. When Jihoon pulled away, I felt like I was missing something.

“Hm, just like I imagined. You’re so perfect.” He whispered closely to my ear. 

I shook my head shyly before pulling him down for another kiss. He was surprised at my action but melted into it.

“No, you’re the one who’s perfect for me. Not Hyunsuk or anyone else. 

Just you.”

[jawnjendes]

little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

~

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

[thruces]

endgame spoilers

i know i said i wasn’t gonna do this but ???

i have so many thoughts and feelings and i want somewhere to get them out so let’s dive right in shall we? (spoilers under the cut!) 

i firstly want to point out that most of this won’t be chronological since my thoughts are everywhere.

to say i have some thoughts is definitely understating it. there was a lot to take in throughout the movie but i feel as though i went in with high expectations and came out with something less than what was promised by the countless fan reactions and reviews. i wasn’t expecting what i got but there was a lot of good despite the bad. it’s also worth noting i ended up fainting out of stress and partial dehydration (from crying for nearly six hours straight) which is further proof that i’m an emotional wreck as well as a fool.

first off, tony’s death. – there was no real reason for him to die. he finally had the life he wanted and had to sacrifice that for the rest of the world. he never needed to redeem himself, he didn’t have to die to make up for anything but they still made him. he should’ve had steve’s ending. somehow steve rogers, the super solider who stated on a number of occasions that he didn’t want the domestic life, got it. tony stark, the man who wanted to step away from the battlefield and have a family was the one who died fighting. it hurt so much to watch a man who survived everything thrown at him, who lived through trauma, ptsd, anxiety attacks and tremendous loss only to finally get the life he deserved and have it all taken from him. what hurts even more is that strange knew what had to happen, it must’ve been so awful knowing what had to be done. the sadness in his eyes as he put his finger up was devastating. tony stark will always be my hero and i’m going to miss him so, so much.

expanding a little more on steve’s ending – it felt wrong. most of steve’s arc was centred around bucky and yet he chose to leave him. it was like the past two captain america movies became irrelevant and all that mattered was getting rid of steve in the simplest way. peggy had a whole life without him and he knew that but chose to go back and stay regardless? idk that just didn’t sit right with me.

onto thor – they did him so, so dirty. thor lost everything and suffered so much and they still just tried to play him off as comedic relief for most of the movie (although the fortnite scene was kinda funny) . the scene with banner in his house hurt me so much. to see the way he cared for him, the softness in his voice. he understood his trauma and was patient. the way he put his hand on his shoulder and wanted to be there for him was one of the best scenes in the film. he didn’t judge him harshly for letting himself go because he understood what it was like to go through trauma and loss in the way he had. it was genuinely one of the best scenes. thank u russos for the good thruce content.

in terms of the rest of the ragnarok crew – i was so happy to see korg again! my eyes lit up as soon as i saw him in his cute hawaiian shirt!  taika waititi is the source of my happiness and he should direct every mcu movie. i’m so happy val made an appearance too and becoming queen is exactly what she deserved, although i did kinda miss her deadpan attitude. overall the ragnarok gang was the biggest let down for me in terms of characterisation. the russos will never be able to do them justice. they used thor as comedic relief despite his trauma, banner’s arc was one of the worst ones in the movie (my love for him remains untouched though) and the other characters were pushed aside (although it’s completely understandable as the focus on this movie was the original avengers). additionally the hulk dab scene filled me with rage for reasons i can’t explain,, i just,, hated it so much,, more than anything else in the entire movie. 100 percent the worst line in the entire mcu,, ever,,

next up is nat’s death – in my op this was the best death in the film and although i love nat her death made the most sense. the way she was gentle and calm when she told clint to let go broke me and i felt so bad for him, go me it was definitely one of the most powerful scenes.

time to expand on banner’s arc bc it’s one of the biggest things i disliked. why the fuck did they think just getting rid of the hulk was the best thing to do? they’ve been developing the banner/hulk arc for years then deadass just got rid of him? it’s so sad bc the hulk developed a lot over the last three movies and now it’s just over? it’s esp sad when you think about the fact that a. the hulk was his own being and b. that this was barely addressed at all? the entire characterisation of banner during the movie was absolutely wack and i’m so mad they did him dirty. the two best banner scenes were the gauntlet scene and the thor scene and everything else was just,, bad. can they please just bring back cute tiny bruce who’s dorky and into science bc that’s the one i fell in love w/, not this weird hulk/bruce hybrid that marvel pulled outta their asses (that’s my hot take and you’re fine to disagree but i hate it sm)

i also wanna talk about thor and frigga real quick bc honestly? my heart never felt true pain until then. she was so calm and the entire scene broke my heart into pieces. ik thor got some closure but it still felt so awful to see him so heartbroken.

if i'm being honest i’m not really feeling the asguardians thing. dgmw i love them as separate units but to me it takes away the entire team dynamic of the guardians and i really hope it’s not a permanent thing. i also hope they get gamora back because it’s what peter deserves.

time to talk about the best part of the film – scott. my boy absolutely killed it. his character arc over the course of the movie was the best one. the balance between comedy and plot was perfect and the scene where he saw cassie grown up made me sob. i can’t fully express how much i love him as a character but i promise it’s a lot.

there’s a lot of stuff i missed out but these were my main thoughts after seeing the movie, hopefully i’ll pick up on more when i see it again on monday! if you wanna talk about any of these PLEASE message me because i’m really interested to hear other ppls opinions!

[kseniainneverland]

DESCENDANTS 3 - REVIEW

WARNING! SPOILERS UNDER THE  CUT, DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE!! from this point onwards, reading is on your responsibility. you have been warned.

Alright, Descendants 3, where to begin with this...

First off, thinking that this is Cameron Boyce’s last movie ever, it makes me feel very sentimental and sad and I hope that the movie would’ve done him justice more. But I’m afraid that  while it was a cute and aesthetically pleasing movie, that is about it.

After watching it a couple of times now, I have one word for D3: clusterfuck. I’m not going to lie. D1 was great, D2 was good but D3 wasn’t really the ending this saga deserved. NOW KEEP IN MIND that I haven’t read the books and I personally think that the movie still should take time to explain things. Plus the books came after the first movie anyway so...

In a nutshell, the plot is inconsistent, the movie is rushed and lot of the character development (save from Mal’s and Audrey’s) is pretty much murdered and just ditched away. 

Beginning with a song like (Good to Be Bad) like every Descendant movie, it gives the movie the energy that it lacks towards the end. The VK’s choose Smee’s sons, Celia and Dizzy to come to the Isle and return to Auradon, only to get them after giving them time to pack their things.

Next thing we see, Ben and Mal are getting ready to embark to the Isle with the VK’s. They stop in front of the Beast statue though and Ben sings (short acoustic verse “Did I Mention”) to Mal, then proposing to her. Audrey is not pleased but hey she’s back and damn she’s rocking that hair! 

Now this is where things go a bit off the rails. I understand Audrey still holding resentment to Mal even though at the end of D1 she seemed to be amicable with her so - what’s the dealio Audrey? Of course we can assume that her resentment grew back during D2 - the movie she wasn’t in. Her grandmother is there and basically gives Audrey shit cause she lost Ben to Mal (like wth is it with this hatred from grandma, chill out lady...).

Mal, Ben and VK’s go to the Isle and while they’re leaving back Hades tries to break out and use his ember but Mal fights him (as a dragon) and gets him back inside. In Auradon, Audrey sits in her room and embraces her darkness (”Queen of Mean”, one of the best songs in my opinion, holy shit), stealing the Queen’s crown and Maleficent’s staff turning to Dark!Audrey and suddenly possessing magic and knowing how to use it without any training? Okaaay, shady much? I mean it could be the staff also controlling her so I’ll give the benefit of a doubt here.

Alright so Hades tried to get out, Mal makes the hard decision to shut down the barrier forever with Ben after reasoning with him and feeling guilt for possibly endangering Auradon. Cut to Evie’s little cottage-manor, Audrey pays Mal a visit, cursing her to turn into a hag. That kind of didn’t really serve a purpose in anywhere else than maybe Audrey’s mind if she thought that Ben wouldn’t love her? Idk man. Anyway, Mal can’t reverse the spell because “there’s nothing that can reverse the staff’s spell”. Oh but waaait....

The VK’s decide to get Hades’ ember, going to the Isle and suddenly Mal turns back again because dark magic doesn’t work in the Isle. So... Mal/VK’s just forgot that? I doubt it because they did live there for such a long time. Oh well, moving on. Celia is with them cause she runs errands to Hades. Meanwhile in Auradon, Jane’s having her birthday party and Audrey crashed it, cursing everyone asleep. Except Jane cause she jumps into the Magic Lake - again something that can reverse the staff’s spell that is supposedly non-reversable? Did anyone actually fact-check the script, I wonder... And well - she takes Chad with her. Oh the loyal, dumb puppy.

Alright back to the Isle, Celia gets the key and we meet Dr. Facilier shortly, he’s actually a nice man (oh and btw so was Dizzy’s grandmother aka. Cinderella’s stepmother before too...) which I have kind of hard time imagining BUT nonetheless I kinda like it? They get out and find Harry + Gil and couple other pirates stealing their bikes (same kind Mal took to the Isle in D2) and run after them. Celia and Mal go to Hades’ lair. 

They find Hades napping, but then he wakes up, Celia trying to distract him so Mal can get the ember. But whoops, he grabs Mal’s hand. And then we learn something shocking! (not really) “Hi Dad.” Oh well look at that, Hades is Mal’s dad. Even though I recall that in the first movie it was said to be a human male? But then again, makes sense why Mal has such great magical powers. They argue and get a nice rock’n’roll duet together (”Do What You Gotta Do” and boy I’m fawning over Cheyenne Jackson’s voice!). Celia kinda does background “ooh”s which is... so weird really. Like why?

I’m not gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed the bickering chemistry between Hades and Mal as father and daughter. He clearly cares about her but tells her that her mother was not an easy person to be with and he never stayed in contact with Mal. Now this is about everything that we learn about their relationship. Mal has a certain resenment at him but Celia reveals that Hades being her father explains him asking about her. Mal tells her that Evie is the only one that knows.

Meanwhile in Auradon, Audrey visits Ben making him an offer to make her his queen again but he thinks she’s under a spell and Audrey realises he doesn’t care about her. She uses magic to turn Ben into a Beast and also turns Fairy Godmother running towards the Museum to get her wand into a statue (not shown how she made that happen really... but later on we see that she can apparently see ppl in the staff u know, like a CCTV kinda thing).

VK’s get back to the portal and when they cross over, Harry and Gil do too. They try to stop them and in the midst of it the ember drops to the water (spoiler: if it gets wet, it stops working). Uma catches it and then turns back into human. They strike a deal when Mal makes a promise to let any of the VK’s that want to get out of the Isle, get out. 

So Uma, Harry and Gil are now going to Auradon with the VK’s to help them. Kinda reluctantly. Gil gets all pumped up for fresh food and all which is kinda cute x’D And Harry ofc is trying to steal money from a sleeping student but Jay stops him. Dude is awake though and tells the VK’s what happened. They go to look for Ben and go to his castle, eventually finding the walls clawed and end up in a fight between some armors that Audrey controls (”Night Falls”). 

Eventually they beat Audrey together and almost celebrate. But not quite cause they are enemies. Evie is trying to play the middleman, suggesting an icebreaker game which doesn’t really take off. But props to her for trying. Also I should say that she suggested trying to be friends when they met Uma, Harry and Gil at the entrance to the Isle.

After the fight they split up - the boys go into the woods trying to find Ben while the girls go search Audrey’s room and Uma finds her diary where she mentions the fairie’s cottage. Then the girls go back to Evie’s where they found Smee’s twins and Dizzy sleeping as well as Doug. Evie tries too wake him up but can’t (duh, he’s under a spell). Uma’s all like “he’s under a spell. is she not a fast learner?” and Mal tells her that Evie’s emotionally involved. Which brings us to the ah so sweet - true love’s kiss (”One Kiss”). But Evie is unsure cause they haven’t used the L-word yet. When did Evie become so insecure though? She has been super confident throughout the series even though imho her storyline with Doug has NOT gotten the moment in spotlight it deserves. But wait, she kisses him after the song and he wakes up! Aww so it is true love. Bitches I wanted to see more of them before this bc they’ve been in the background (also can I mention that Doug has turned into like a young Nicholas Cage clone with his long hair and all and dam he’s cute!).

The boys find Ben, now in beast form and trying to kind attack them (and failing adorably) when Carlos calms him down and takes a splinter from his paw (i mean... he has paws now?). Kinda reminds me of Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast when Fawn took a splinter from the Neverbeast’s paw :’D Anyway, back to the story. Then Jane arrives with sort of a hose, getting Ben all wet with the water from the Enchanted Lake and he turns back too human - except he has a little beard/stubble and kind of fangs? Also Carlos and Jane meet again and are all cute together. Harry tries to make a move on Jane but Carlos literally blocks him, lol.

Back to Evie’s. Mal and Uma are talking when suddenly boards start covering the house. Audrey’s magic has gotten stronger cause Mal can’t reverse it alone but when Uma joins in with her shell, they manage to beat it, making Audrey angry. 

They build up a plan and Gil, Doug and Jane go look for the Fairy Godmother while the other’s go to the Fairie’s cottage, finding Chad locked in a closet. They walk out and then comes the moment of truth. Evie tells Ben that Uma + the pirates joined them cause Mal promised that the kids from Isle can come to Auradon. She reveals that she lied to everyone, making her friends mad. Celia takes the Ember, throwing it into a pool of water. Uma and Harry leave. Evie faces Mal, who obviously feels awful and her friends are mad at her. Then poof, they’re turned into stone. Mal sings what is - I assume - the song to build up her confidence/self-searching (”My Once Upon a Time”) and confronts Uma asking for her help to beat Audrey. But Uma turns her down even after she tells her that she saw the good in Uma - that she really cares.

Next we have Celia calling for help cause Audrey has her on top of one of the towers. Mal turns into a dragon, trying to battle Audrey but can’t do it on her own. Uma and Harry happen to come back and Uma’s suddenly like “she can’t do it on her own, i’m here girl, i’m here” forgetting that Mal totally lied to them and kinda screwed them over and helping her igniting the ember again. With the help from the ember, she beats Audrey. Everyone is awakened, except Audrey who’s fading away after being hit back with the magic. Mal can’t wake her up even with the crystal and tells Ben, Beast, Belle and everyone else in the room that Hades could. While they doubt it, Mal tells them that he’d do it - for her, he is her father after all. Ben is a bit shocked but sends guards to get him from the Isle.

He’s brought to the Castle in shackles and he works his magic, waking Audrey up. She apologises to Mal and then Mal apologises to her as well as Ben and then Audrey’s grandma apologises to Mal. It’s an apologyfest, and all is fine again. Yay? Hades is escorted back to the Isle and has a nice little moment with Mal, giving her the ember. Celia, Uma, Harry and Gil also go back to the Isle. Mal and Ben attend their engagement party and she surprisingly declares that she can’t be the Queen of Auradon - she can’t turn her back to the Isle. So in conclusion of a long speech, they open the barrier (even though the Beast is against it but Ben shushes him :D) and Mal becomes the Queen of Auradon and the Isle. (”Break This Down”) The people from the Isle (with Uma’s leading) notice this too and meet some of Auradon’s people halfway and have this big closing number with lost of  dance and singing.

And then people rejoice. Gil and Jay seem to have sparked a friendship. Harry brings comedy to the scene being like “so she’s deeeefinitely taken?” bout Mal, then trying to make a move on Evie and finally Uma who’s not having it. And then Harry ends up dancing with Audrey. Okay, seems legit. Then there’s Hades, being happy for Ben and Mal (and also giving Ben the “i’m watching you eyes”). They dance into  the palace yard (or somewhere) and the scene cuts to the core four, staring at the passageway to the Isle, apparently to go meet their parents (cause they didn’t come to Auradon?) and the end credits roll.

ALRIGHT.

Plotwise yes, it’s a clusterfuck. The whole movie is very rushed, it’s like they tried to include too much things. Like said, at the end of D1, it seemed that Audrey and Mal were somewhat civil, then Audrey was spending some time in the fairies cottage/seven acres woods/something like that in D2 and we didn’t see her at all. Suddenly she’s all hateful and resentful again and her grandmother is being a total jerk to her. Whole turning into evil happened almost right after the movie opened so there was no proper lead to it really. Nothing to explain WHY Audrey went back to resenting Mal and Ben and Auradon.

Then Mal’s father. Alright, pretty much everyone knew by now that Hades was gonna be Mal’s father even though I recall that in the first movie or somewhere else it was said that it was a human male. What happened in their past could’ve and more so SHOULD’VE been dug into a little more cause Mal is resentful at him for not being around - but why wasn’t he around? Why didn’t he call her? After all, he had been asking about her from Celia so obviously he does care for her.

The other VK’s were even more pushed to the side than before. I do get that Mal is kind of the lead here, but they did kind of sideline their character development. The other VK’s were in such minor roles I could easily say that they might as well be taken out altogether. Evie tried to be a peacemaker, she gets a few lines in couple of songs and one song to herself. Her character has also been very confident and craving for love, kind of seducing Doug in the first movie and making him accidentally jealous in D2 and suddenly she’s insecure? Yeah, love can be scary sometimes but of all the characters I just don’t see it characteristic to Evie to suddenly become uncertain of herself in the terms of love. Jay’s more like acting as a guide to good to Gil and Harry for the time being and Carlos is just being his adorable self. Still can’t believe there was no Jarlos kiss! (also he got Jane a pendant saying “Jarlos” as her birthday gift, how adorbs!)

The main problem is that there isn’t really a proper climax in the movie. It starts off god and then falls flat on it’s ass. May I also point out that not ONCE in these movies have Mal and Ben had a duet together - yes they’ve shared songs but also with other people in them - and they are the “true love” couple after all which is a bit disappointing. I mean Ben has been kind of put into thee background in the movies too - and in this last one even more so, whenever the core four have been side to side. But even in the last movie - since they’re engaged after all - I was surprised that when they opened the barrier, Jay was next to Mal (as well as Evie), squishing her hand and her leaning into him. In the end Ben is the king and Mal’s fiancee so in my opinion, he should’ve been next to Mal, not behind her (as much as I do love Mal). And I mean I was also waiting that the other VK’s would’ve met their parents too. But no. Disappointment. 

In a nutshell D3 is a movie about Audrey being a resentful brat and turning dark, introducing Mal’s dad pretty shallowly adding pretty much nothing into her story arc or character development. Except her forgiving her father pretty fast. Too much is trying to be fitted into 1hr45mins. Mal and Hades could’ve had their own movie working it out. Audrey could’ve had a thorough build up to what led her to the dark path.

Aesthetically it’s very pleasing and I enjoyed the music and I do love the cast. The end was kind of bittersweet and the whole movie was a bit unreal once you know that Cameron is no longer with us (rest in peace). So this is and end of and era. Despite this honest and well - unfiltered - review I thank the cast and crew of Descedants  from the bottom of my heart that they have brought these  movies to us.

Long live the VK’s!

[flying-elliska]

Skam France End of S3 Questionnaire - my own.

I am so ready to enjoy Imane’s season, I will also never stop talking about s3 (I think we can all do both!!). Ever. It’s one of my favorite seasons of TV and media experiences and I can’t wait to analyze it to death. (I’m going to do the s4 questions in another post bc i want ppl to read them and this is already super long, fair warning) 

Favorite “big” clip : I already said Jeudi 17h32 (the bus stop farewell) but it’s such an understated scene, idk if it’s a ‘big one’. Apart from that, I love them all but ‘Vendredi 20h27 “T’es plus tout seul”’ just...did something to me on an almost spiritual level, I will remember it forever. It also give me a push on a personal level to reach out and explain some stuff to people. It made me believe in Love as the most important thing in the universe. I felt all my misgivings about being mentally ill and being worthy of love fall through the basket of my brain for one moment. Yeah. Also the parallel between God’s love and the Church and gay love, and that song, and seeing Eliott like that, and Maman Lallemant, and Lucas’ epic run, and the flashbacks, and the whole Petite Ceinture thing falling into place, dark/light and and and...yeah. Never will be over it. 

Favorite “small” clip : Several come to mind but I have such a soft spot for “Lundi 08h43 - Terre Promise” where they uncover the mural ? First of all that thing was much more beautiful than I thought it would be, aesthetics on point, and Lucas and Eliott being so open and unashamed like that made me feel so warm and fuzzy after all of Lucas’ repression of his own feelings and sexuality. The music and the filming are great in this clip, and I loved learning Imane knew Eliott already and seemed so happy for them, and the whole ‘you ask about politics on Christmas’ gave me such a family vibe. The whole ‘it’s a butt - yeah we gave it our all, body and soul’ was super ridiculous but in that way you don’t even care about when you’re so high on love. It was just super cute. 

Favorite romantic moment : There’s so many but I just can’t get over Lucas buying flowers and croissants for Eliott in “Samedi 9h53 - T’es pas comme les autres” even though he knows he might not appreciate it because he just wants to bring color and beauty at the edge of Eliott’s life ? As a mentally ill person the constancy and care and tenderness of it just moved me to tears. And it represents so much for Lucas’ journey beyond toxic masculinity too, and not being his dad, and letting his caring side out, and just. uggh. 

Favorite kiss : The first one, still. The symbolic of it is just...ahhh. It’s a kiss but it represents so much more - going beyond comfort zones, mutual recognition, stepping into each other’s worlds, understanding, the meeting of two souuuls. And the whole under the rain at night thing is cliché but it just works so well for them because it makes you feel all the relief and strangeness and right-ness of the moment. Their love is like a force of nature. 

Favorite line of dialogue : ‘Lucas, je t’aime.’ 

Favorite (non-Elu) character : Alexia Martineau, absolute bicon, I wish she was more present in the end of the season tbh. I love how colorful and confident and funny she is. Her style is goals, and as a bi plus-size woman the whole character is just therapeutic to me. 

Favorite set : La Petite Ceinture ! I just love the creepy-cool-poetic vibe of it, how well it is used as a character building tool for Eliott, how it shows a different side of Paris as a place, gives them a place of their own, how they go back to it later, what they did with Polaris, etc etc. I love the whole poetry of decaying secret places in general, it reminds me of places I used to take refuge in as a teenager, and now I really, really want to visit it. 

Favorite frame : The candlelit dinner in 19h25. That clip is a punch in the face, but visually, it’s so on point. It’s incandescent. The whole aesthetic of the clip (and the next) manage to be both romantic, and unsettling as hell. The whole idea of the houseboat with the fairylights and the light reflecting on dark water and the sounds of the boat moving.The intimate scenes that make them look like renaissance paintings with that golden light. The shots of that table in particular, with the candles behind the glass, and the two of them with the shotgunning and the blown pupils and the champagne glasses full of golden bubbles. The aesthetic is almost like religious iconography with the dark/light contrasts, light through glass ( the candle motif is repeated in the church scene) and the way it frames their feelings - it’s so f*cking intense, exhilarating, almost too much. It makes you feel both Lucas’ awe at being loved like that, how in tune they are, and the fact that Eliott’s manic episode is really about to surface, the brief descent into darkness to come. It does so many things. It’s gorgeous. 

Favorite Lucas character arc moment : Well, the whole of the season obviously, and things I’ve said above, how he cares for Eliott after his episode, the Remember scene, living his love out loud, etc. But in particular what sticks out to me is the articulation of the Jeudi 1h48 night scene, his coming out to Yann, and the Intervention clip because that’s where his self acceptance goes through the hardest point and makes it through. He lets himself come to terms with his emotions, and figures out that even though the reaction of the world might be hard, his own self expression is still the most important thing. He’s so brave in those clips, and the acting brings it to an incredible level. 

Favorite Eliott character arc moment : Again, the moment he says to Lucas he loves him. Because this is him, seeing Lucas and reaching out through his insecurities and telling him that what they had was real. But it’s also him validating his own feelings, believing in them, letting himself have this after a whole season of going back and forth out of fear of messing it up. He’s putting his own fears aside too, fears of being seen and vulnerable and daring for something better than a relationship that is just ‘okay.’ He’s finally going for it 100% and accepting Lucas’ love and his own capacity for it. It’s just...wow. 

Favorite other character arc moment : Daphné’s gaining confidence through the foyer made me super happy. But tbh, my favorite is Yann. He’s very underrated in general, I feel. He’s not as ‘ideal bff’ as Jonas or Skam It’s Gio, but his arc feels very important and meaningful to me. Seeing someone mess up and admit to his mistakes is super important. Because I feel there are soooo many straight guys who can learn from this - that casual homophobia is in the water of our culture and sometimes you just don’t realize what you are saying. And i feel, even though this isn’t directly adressed (and i wish it was) that Lucas also learns from this re: his words about ‘crazy people’ and what compassion and growing up means. I love Leo’s acting in general. Yann has a very compelling presence, calm (but a bit loopy at times), he feels deeply, and his betrayal at Lucas’ not sharing and subsequent realization he had messed up felt very real and mature for a 16 yr old. And how he embraces Lucas afterwards made me feel all fuzzyhearted. I wish we saw more of their friendship tbh. 

Favorite Axel acting moment : ummm every single minute he was on, like. He never once felt false. That guy is going places. One of my fave things is just the look on his face in certain scenes Lucas has with Eliott - how it completely lights up, and the contrast with his more closed off persona in the beginning. It’s like he’s a completely different person - younger, wilder, more alive, daring, unafraid, and absolutely thrilled to have found his soulmate. It’s beautiful. And the crying difficult scenes, how he’s not afraid to ugly cry and just go there and make it a real gut punch. He just goes through such a transformation throughout the season, too. It’s nuts to me they didn’t even film in chronological order. Lucas just seems so much more grown up and at ease in his own skin at the end of the season. Mind blown. But if I had to pick one : the look on his face at the end of Jeudi 17h32 - sadness to see Eliott leave, but so much happiness, and also like he’s coming to terms with his own journey and breathing for the first time ? So much in one frame. 

Favorite Maxence acting moment : tbh i was a little less sure of him in the beginning, but I feel like his restlesness and slight awkwardness and being a little too forceful at times (which some might have called ‘bad acting’) was actually a good acting choice ? Because Eliott feels so much, he’s so sensitive, and it would lead to feeling a little out of place around others, there’s so much emotion brimming under the surface he can’t always regulate it properly (I would know. it was painful to watch at times.) He really outsold it in the scene in “Lundi 17:21 “On verra bien.” where Eliott talks about his illness. That pain in his eyes when he says “I’m going to make you go through hell.” ? Ouch. He’s really good with his eyes in general, esp in the beginning when Eliott is the ‘mysterious new guy’ and the way he looks at Lucas at the end of ‘Not necessarily a girl’ ? Daaaaaaaaamn. 

Favorite (non-Elu) acting moment : Marilyn Lima as Manon. She was so good in every clip she was in. It almost made me want to watch s2 even though I hate Noorhell plotlines with a fiery passion. She just sold how bruised and sad and let down she was and it was a doorway to Lucas’ own empathy and feeling his own feelings, and reflecting on how true love should be supportive in the dark moments. Especially in the night time clip, they were so good together. 

Favorite social media moment : they were really good at it (we could have had more clips though) and my absolute fave is what they did with Eliott’s insta - the hunt for it at the beginning with the code, the cool drawings, the queer culture references, the somewhat alarming poetry, it all helped flesh out Eliott’s character in a way that we didn’t have with Even and made us fall in love so much more. The moment where we were all waiting for Lucas’ to discover Eliott’s insta (and the hilarity of the (probably made up) moment where Matteo/German Isak followed him first) with baited breath, was the most brilliant bit of intermedia storytelling I have ever seen. It was so cool. Also Emma and Alex’s insta stories made me like a Chriseva pairing for the first time, lol. 

Favorite music moment : Remember, obviously. The chorus, timeless feeling, epic rythm ? Just perfect. And Fête de trop : so powerful, thematically on point, made me discover Eddy de Pretto. Also brilliant use of piano music and how it’s related to them. I want a social media vid of Lucas playing ‘I love you’ again for Eliott at some point. 

Favorite bts/cast&crew moment : so many of them. But tbh I am especially grateful for Maxence’s openness about his own issues and his process on how he worked on the Eliott role. His Actor Factory interview where he talked about how mental illness can be so fucking lonely but life can still be beautiful had me cry like a little baby in my favorite café. It just made me want to be around creative ppl more, and dedicate myself to my own creative process seriously ? And his lives are also so cool. The dude in general is so effing relatable. (well, and cute tbh ahahaha). I also really, really loved Niels’ insight in the writing process. I haven’t stanned a cast this hard in forever and now I want to give everything up and try to write my own series lmaooo. 

Favorite fandom moment : all the theorizing and staying up late and shit was golden. I love talking with ppl and sharing the love. And it’s given me a lot more confidence in my own writing. But special love to the @renewskamfrance team and the whole thing, it’s been completely nuts and I am so happy we started this. 

…

Most romantic moment : I am realizing this question is a double but whatever, there’s no shortage of them. Eliott drawing Lucas as a hedgehog, the smooth artsy motherf*cker. And the insta in general. If someone made a cartoon animal version of me, that was also that fitting to my character, I would just ask them to marry me on the spot. I live for that artsy shit. I understand why Lucas was so into it right from the start. And of course the timeless cloud of queer intimacy that was Samedi 09h17. 

Moment that made you fall in love with the season : The piano scene, because it showed so much more depth in Lucas’ character. We were all Eliott then, falling in love with him and the season, and their ability to mix things up compared to OG. 

Most heartbreaking moment : Tied.  “Samedi 14h32 Intervention″ - I don’t think I’ve cried so much all season.  I’ve been there, too, and Lucas’ anguish at being ostracized and judged for something he can’t control, and his thinking that Eliott didn’t care about him, and Mika saying ‘you will have to keep coming out for the rest of your life’ all felt so impactful but the ‘fuck them’ at the end, so empowering.  It was heartbreaking in a good way, incredibly cathartic. Meanwhile “Vendredi 23:37 Une putain de lubie” is heartbreaking in the bad way lol, it stomps on your heart, the contrast with how happy they were only moments before absolutely brutal, and Lucille’s cruel words on top of it. Watching Lucas lose it like that was so difficult to watch, the panic of it, the absolute despair. But it was so well done. And of course “Jeudi 01:48 Viens on en parle pas″. So simple, so powerful, and we were all so tired when we watched it, it was super effective. 

Most funny moment : The ‘discovery of the butt’ moment was hilarious, also loved the boys’ reaction to Lucas telling them Eliott was his bf, the vodka sunday scenes, and the entirety of the scene in the second-hand shop with the scary dolls, but I just can’t get over Imane and the tampons in “Lundi 8:53 Quoi moi et Emma” , that was just pure gold but it also shows how good she is at embarassing nosy ppl and inventive and it made me want to know so much more about her. 

Most enlightening moment :  The season as a whole has made me think so much about my own relationship to my emotions and love and self-expression. After the ‘Remember’ sequence I really had this moment of....I can’t hate myself anymore ? It was so powerful. And episode 10 in general. But in earlier episodes, ep 5/6 in particular made me realize how much I was also repressing my own feelings and how unhealthy that shit was. The whole thing was just in general a process. And after the last clip I had such a feeling of general tenderness towards the show, the world and wanting to give love more of a place in my life.  

Best aesthetics moment :  Like I said houseboat scene. The use of light throughout the season, incredibly beautiful, But of course the painting thing. It was just such a perfect use of aesthetics to make a point in the story (i don’t really care if it’s not realistic). Now they are finally living out loud in all the colors of life. It was such a radiant affirmation of love and pride and joy. And the mural actually looked really cool, suprisingly (I was expecting a brown-ish mess lol). 

Best change from OG: The show was at its best when it changed things up. I love especially that they made their own symbolism. I love the whole concept of the Foyer and how much more integral they made it to the story than Kosegruppa, how it comes to stand for togetherness and diversity. I love the girl squad being more present and the role they gave Alexia. I love Lucas being a pianist and taking more initiative in going after Eliott (it’s not a diss against Isak, his awkwardness was so endearing and it made sense) but it made them their own characters. But I think my favorite thing is how they changed around the sequence of events slightly in the last episodes - Lucas coming out to his mom after Eliott’s episode and Basile’s talk is tying it together better, it feels like he’s thinking about how he’s treated his mother in the past because of her MI and it makes it part more of the learning process ; his mother’s loving reaction is a perfect example of ‘you have to let MI ppl speak for themselves.” And them spreading the ‘minute by minute’ concept over several clips gave us a more in depth look into Eliott’s condition, which I will be forever grateful for, the talk with Lucille as well as Lucas learning he needs to take care of himself, too. 

Best similar scene to OG : Overall I liked that they kept the story structure of the OG, because honestly, it just works so well - the Isak character’s trajectory from repression to openness to compassion. Sana/Imane’s speech about  hate coming from fear, not religion. The few episodes that focused on Lucas’ self-acceptance more than the love story.  

Best group dynamics scene : Intervention. Loved the complementary of Mika as queer guru, Manon as nurturing presence, and Lisa as comical outsider point of view being so out of it. But also loved the ‘vodka sunday’ dynamics with Manon, Lucas and Emma getting wasted, complaining about their love lives, the sadness but also the solidarity, Lucas talking about his love life so openly and making gay jokes about himself, Emma’s whole messy girl thing and ‘he’s just a p*nis”!!!” had me laughing for hours. 

Best glow-up : Lucas of course. More in terms of character perception, Mika. He really annoyed me in the beginning of the season, he was mean and uncaring and lacking in boundaries, it was toeing the line of cliché, and I love how they showed us more depth to him, that they let him be deservedly angry, and how caring with Lucas he became, while still being slightly annoying, and their sibling dynamic in general, slightly antagonistic but super supportive. 

Best social awareness moment : Mika’s speech, Yann’s apologies, and Lucille and Basile’s talks about mental illness. 

Best symbolism : Polaaaris. Also God is gay now. And the first clip/end clip parallel, with them counting minutes. 

Best editing/filming/technical moment : the Remember sequence, and how they made the scenes used in the flashback a little longer, giving us the impression that their relationship is actually so much deeper than what we’ve already seen ; the parallels with the priest’s speech, the sunny vibe of Eliott laughing vs. his face in the ending shots, the music, the acting, the running, all of it.  

Best/most interesting cultural adaptation : The Foyer storyline and especially the sit-in moment. So French. It gave me flashbacks to my whole class staging sit-in protests in middle school (at 13!!!!) already for the wackiest of reasons, already practicing saying fuck off to authority and being rowdy little shits. It made me miss my country. 

…

Least favorite clip/moment : Mercredi 13:38 annoyed the shit out of me lol. It started out so well, with the summer of love aesthetics and Elu being all cute, but that lasted all of 40s and then we had an extremely unpleasant moment of Basile disrespecting Daphne’s boundaries and Arthur and Yann pressuring her to ‘give him a chance’ and how the misogynistic song he sent her is actually cute’ and we’re supposed to feel sorry for him ? I liked the end of season glow-up for him, but this scene was just gross. And I don’t mind having a POV that’s a little bit more loose than in OG but in this clip, it just felt jarring, how Lucas just flat out disappeared. I wanted to see Eliott interact with the squad more, and I resent the idea that seeing them just be happy and cuddly is not worthy of screentime for some reason. UGh. That was the one moment that the show pissed me off. Also, in the scene where Chloé offers her apologies (good) I feel like they validated her outing Lucas so he had to come to terms with his feelings. (which is a really bad message and I wish they’d written that with a bit more nuance.) 

Least favorite change from OG : Overall, this remains my least favorite boy squad. The insistence on Basile’s gross, creepy humor felt overdone, and I feel they spent too much time on him. The idea that he’s been taught bad things by society about what a man is, fits the overal theme, but did we really need to know that he wanted to bang his cousin ? Yikes. And Arthur and the 35-yr old too, what the hell ? I just felt that their banter was a lot less natural and flowed less well than in OG. 

Least favorite similarity from OG : Really don’t know about this one. Most of what they kept was good. 

Most disappointing scene : the banter scene between the boys in 18:14, I always loved the banter between the boys in OG. Magnus saying stupid shit about gay s*x and being shut down felt educative without being heavy. Here there was way too much of Basile being gross again. And it just didn’t flow as well, the pacing was way too fast. A lot of the scenes that were a bit disappointing to me this season had to do with timing tbh, too fast. 

Something you wish they’d added :  I wish they actually had Lucas say he realized he’d say messed up stuff about mentally ill people.

Thing you wish the fandom would take away from this season : Chill a bit before drawing conclusions, wait for the whole season ahahaha. 

…

French word you will remember : I am French but I have never felt so validated in my overuse of the word ‘putain’. also saying mec/meuf a lot more. 

If you could steal one item from the set : Eliott’s camel jacket, I want one too, what a look. 

Scene you wish you could live in your own life : a lot of the romantic ones but also ? I wish I’d breaken into my high school to have a party at least once in my life lol. There’s a club next to my place in an old renovated school i reaaaally need to check out. 

Character you identify the most with : Eliott in general, Daphné for her overenthusiasm and awkwardness and spontaneity and optimism and drive to organize things. Lucas because of the whole trying so hard to control his image, being spiky on the surface and soft inside. 

Character you want to be like the most : Honestly, Lucas. Not in the beginning but his courage and his emotional intelligence and openness as the season progressed really are goals. It made me want to use my past painful experiences to extend compassion and be there for others, and learn how to be better at it. He’s going to grow into such an amazing man. And honestly his newfound pride in his relationship and pettiness are also goals lol. Imane as well, for how protective she is of her friends. And Alexia in terms of demeanour and confidence and funky vibe. 

Most relatable character moment : Lucas’ eyeroll. Emma and her lava lamp. Lucas being so immediately smitten with Eliott, because like, same. 

Fave fandom theory : lol I cracked up so hard at the whole ‘Eliott is a ghost’ thing, thx Billy Maier. I really don’t know why we were all so set on a bullying plotline, like why do we do that to ourselves lol ? 

Whew ! Well, if you read through all of that, you’re one hell of a nerd, and I love you !!! I’m doing S4 questions in a separate post because this is wayy too long !!! 

[jungnoir]

NCT Lucas bullet point headcannon as a bad boy or bodyguard you can pick

a/n: alright here we go with this loser

bad boy!yukhei,,, thinks he’s hot shit

he is Not

definitely can walk the walk of a bad boy being what,,, six foot,,, a Beanpole,,, also those strong ass eyebrows are kinda intimidating all on their own

and while yeah, he totally pulls off the all black look and has probably mentioned his pocket knife like five times in conversation with another guy who also thinks he’s hot shit, yukhei has never been one to really do anything serious

he has a loud and authoritative voice that, when paired with his towering height and death glare, makes any fool run for the hills

but it’s like,, it’s always the people who he doesn’t know that think he’s some ruffian

meanwhile, his closest friends could flick him in the forehead and yukehi would probably crumble into a heap on the floor

jungwoo is his best friend, and when ppl see the two of them hanging out, they’re always super confused bc??? sweet and soft-tempered jungwoo?? whose laugh is equivalent to a thousand fairies singing lullabies and who is head of his school’s gardening club?? friends with big bad boy wong yukhei? it’s more likely than you think

whenever ppl ask jungwoo what yukhei is really like yukhei is always like “hey,,, dude,,, pls tell them i can bench press 350,,,” and jungwoo is like “man i saw you almost collapse under the weight of my fat cat the other day, be realistic”

so instead of lying to save yukhei’s pride, jungwoo just tells them that they should get to know yukhei for themselves and find out on their own

and, well, that’s all fine and dandy but getting to know yukhei is harder than just saying hello and starting a conversation like you would other ppl

after all, he has a reputation to uphold

and that sometimes means that he keeps the cold, indifferent attitude turned up all the way at all times

but this isn’t helpful when you’re tasked with inviting people to join your friend jisung’s new gaming club because the only people that had joined so far were you, chenle, jeno, and mark out of pity

so jisung is like hey!!! can you look around for some people to invite to my club? and you end up coming across jungwoo because you know he’s relatively friendly and who knows, maybe he likes games too

but when you ask him he’s like oh! i know someone who likes games

and you get really excited bc a lot of the ppl you’ve asked so far don’t really care about gaming, so if you could find at least one person who was willing to check out the club, jisung wouldn’t totally roast you for your recruiting skills

but then jungwoo is like “yukehi is a big fan of video games, you should ask him” and your mood just drops

but jungwoo, used to the reactions people get when he talks about yukhei, is already prepared for the look on your face and quickly begins to reassure you

“i know he looks like this big scary dude, but i swear he’s just fronting. the dude wouldn’t hurt a fly, and definitely not you. just ask and if he says no, you can at least say you had the guts to go near him, alright?”

you tell him you will, if only to not diminish the hope in his eyes, and then slink off, totally set on just going back to jisung empty-handed rather than facing the possibility of yukehi biting your head off for bothering him

only,, to bump into yukhei,, on your way back to the classroom

yukhei was staring at his phone when he turned the corner and bumped you, making the item fly out of his hand and onto the floor between the both of you

immediately, you apologize and proceed to drop down to grab his phone but he does too

and your heads unceremoniously knock into the other’s with such force that you fall out on the floor due to the momentum of the hit

you immediately cry out in pain and then you suddenly feel arms curling underneath you…. hoisting you into a lap

there’s a soft voice in your ear and you raise a hand to your forehead to stop the sudden swimming feeling you feel, your vision a little blurry as you try to blink away the pain. you can’t discern what’s being said, just that someone sounds very panicked and worried

finally, you feel a little more together and your vision focuses

and there is yukhei, arms under you and tucking you into his chest as he looks over you in worry, his words a little clearer as he says “please tell me i didn’t kill you”

you hum and frown, squinting at him as the fluorescent lights above the both of you sting your eyes

“i’m not…… dead…. u just hit me really hard… your skull is extremely tough…..” you grumble, and you really must not be in your right mind if you’re talking to wong yukhei like this, someone you would avoid eye contact with if you ever passed him in the halls

despite your preconceived notions about him however, he just breaks into a really boisterous laugh that catches you off guard

he laughs so hard that he has to cover his mouth to muffle the sound, removing one of the arms he has holding you to him from underneath you to do so

“you sound an awful lot like my best friend” he says, still snickering

when you feel like you’ve regained yourself once more, you suddenly feel embarrassed for laying in his lap, staring up at him as he checks you over and makes sure you won’t suddenly pass out on him “you really are good, right? you won’t faint on your way home and then sue me later, will you?”

you furrow your brows, “n-no, I really am okay… actually, I was meaning to talk to you”

he blinks at you, tilting his head to the side, “what about?”

patting around your pocket on your pants, you reach a hand down into your pocket and pull out the small flyer that jisung had created for his club, holding it out to him

yukhei takes it and looks it over before his eyes widen, “you’re in a gaming club??”

and you just nod slowly, waiting in worry for what he might say next

“i didn’t know the school had one! i have to join, i’m so sick of playing against jungwoo. he really sucks at multiplayer games ya know…… hey are you headed there?” he’s spouting off his words in excitement, and while you have a little trouble keeping up with him, you definitely catch the last part

you affirm that you’ll show him where it is and begin to slide out of his lap, ready to get up and lead him to the room when yukhei suddenly moves in front of you and crouches

you stare at his leather jacket clad back and lose a little of your breath when he cranes his neck over his shoulder and beams at you with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen, something you never would have thought wong yukhei of all ppl would ever be capable of showing, “aren’t you gonna climb on? you’re in no condition to walk like that”

and you’re just like,,, i didn’t break my legs yukhei i can walk

but also,,, how many ppl can say they got a piggy back ride from the wong yukhei in their lifetime

plus the fool won’t get tf up off the floor

so you relent and climb on, all the while v much flustered

he takes a hold of your thighs with an iron grip and honestly, you might’ve believed jungwoo if he told you yukhei could bench press 350

and so you end up walking into jisung’s club with yukhei piggy-backing you, eyes all wide and excited as he walks up to the much younger boy and is like “hey!! i ran - literally - into your friend here and they told me about this club, can i join???”

jisung doesn’t quite know what to process first: yukhei wanting to join his gaming club, the big bad boy at school who looked like he stole children’s candy for fun, or the fact that you were riding on his back like it was another day in the life for you

you just make an “i don’t know either” face over yukhei’s shoulder at jisung and the younger boy gets up and starts to smile nervously, welcoming yukhei to the club

and so, weirdly, from that day on, yukhei is just part of jisung’s gaming club

it becomes part of your daily routine to see him hanging around jisung, discussing some game from the 90′s and bantering like “it’s a classic!” “you weren’t even born when that game came out, jisung” “neither were you!” or seeing yukhei with his legs kicked up on a chair in the club meeting room as he tries to throw popcorn into his own mouth (because once donghyuck joined the club, they were constantly trying to one up the other in everything)

and ppl really start to notice

suddenly you start seeing people talk to yukhei more and vice versa

slowly, yukhei begins to let down that weird bad boy aura and just starts being friendly

starting with you

at first, the tall boy teasing you and running up to you in the hallways would always shock you, but after you had gotten used to his presence, it was like he was just another one of the boys

and yukhei would always make fun of you and the day you first officially met, always saying that you’d really “fallen” for him

followed by a chorus of disbelieving and disgusted groans amongst the group of all your friends

even some of your friends who had no want to join jisung’s club would sometimes just come by to hang out with yukhei

it peeved jisung at first, but even he found that he enjoyed talking to yukhei and the rest of you more than sitting around trying to defeat chenle in mortal kombat

you guys had gotten so close that you all had even welcomed yukhei into your group chat

you would often wake in the day to yukhei flooding the gc with memes and other silly musings throughout the day that had all of you always somewhere between blocking him and physically fighting him next time you saw him

you had never known yukhei would be so open and lively, and now that you did it was like you couldn’t see him any other way

jungwoo really wasn’t kidding!!

and it’s one night that you all stayed a little longer than you usually did after classes, and you know you’ve got to walk yourself home in the dark and you’re really not looking forward to it

usually, you’d ask one of the boys to take you home but they’re all busy and have to bail but they tell you to text the group chat when you’ve made it home safely

but that,,, that really doesn’t sit right with yukhei

and since he has nowhere to be, he just grabs your backpack for you and slings it over his shoulder and says that you guys should walk home together

at first, you’re really surprised and kind of don’t know what to say but he just quickly assures you that it’s no biggie and that he’d been meaning to get a little more fresh air in lately. an extra long walk home would be fine for him

so you let him walk you

it’s kind of chilly out so you naturally gravitate closer to yukhei, hoping he wouldn’t think it was too weird

and about five minutes into your walk home yukhei just laughs and wraps an arm around you, tucking you into the warmth of the fur lining inside his leather jacket

you’re surprised by the sudden touch but he doesn’t seem nearly as blushy as you

“you were practically curling into my side. i thought i’d save you the effort” he says

you don’t notice because you’re still so surprised, but even yukhei has turned a pretty shade of pink while you fumbled over your feet as you tried to walk in the new position

the walk home is relatively silent, him not saying much despite your expectation he would

after all, he was always a chatterbox around the boys

but it’s not like you’re uncomfortable with the silence and it’s not like you don’t enjoy it

and so you embrace the silence and let him hold you close while he lets you lead him toward your place

by the time you arrive, your mother is waiting for you and is surprised at your strange partner walking you so you quickly begin to introduce yukhei but he beats you right to it, dropping his arm from your shoulders as he does so

“hello mrs. (l/n), i’m wong yukhei. i go to (y/n)’s school and i’m a friend of theirs. we and a few of our other friends stayed at school a little later than usual so i thought i should walk them home. it’s nice to meet you” yukhei steps up and holds out his hand for a handshake, that of which she takes with a small smile forming on her mouth as she greets him back

“thank you, yukhei. i would have been upset if i found them coming home all alone. in fact, i was just about to come pick them up myself”

yukhei grins, “you won’t have to worry. i’ll be happy to walk them home whenever… that’s… if they allow me…?” yukhei suddenly turns to you, and he’s such an unbelievable sight compared to the yukhei you usually saw

i mean, how many layers did this guy have??

he stands tall and straight, hands folded in front of him and smiling politely at you under his ash blond fringe, batting his eyelashes at you as he awaits your response

unable to think of anything else to say, you just quietly nod at him

he grins wider and then looks back at your mother, “and is it okay with you, ma’am?”

and OFC your mom is like yes!! please handsome young man!!! go right ahead!!!!

“great! i should be heading home now, but it was nice meeting you,” yukhei bows his head at her and then walks back up to you, grinning wickedly as he stands so that your mother can’t see you or his face, “same time and place tomorrow night, then?”

“w-what?” you splutter, not at all affected by his proximity

that was sarcasm

you were definitely malfunctioning with how close he was to you lol

he tilts his head and nudges your shoulder, “when i walk you home tomorrow! it can be our thing”

you blink up at him “but.. isn’t that usually a couple thing?”

he leans imperceptibly close, so much so that while your mother probably can’t sense it, you absolutely can, “it can be if you want it to be… but i’ll let you sleep on it. night, (y/n)”

and then he walks off, inhaling your exhale and your peace of mind in the palm of his hands

and starting that night, the “bad boy” who you’d grown to see change over time had pulled another surprise out of the hat for you

your mother laughs as you rush upstairs and gather your bearings with a quick scream into your pillow and a stupid grin plastered on your face, right before sending a quick message to yukhei and tossing your phone across the room in case you tried to take what you said back in nervousness

yukhei feels a vibration in his pocket as he begins his trek home, ears red as he attempts to catch his own breath because where did he even get the balls to do something like that? was he out of his mind???

he pulls his phone out of his pocket, hands shaking slightly as he fumbles to read the notification on his screen

💕(y/n) 💕: i think i’d like it to be a couple thing

if you thought he had stolen your breath, you should’ve seen him

[doctorsupernova-archive]

mostly i associate u with steven universe, and earthbound not that i know anything about it. another association with you is feeling like u would support my interests, and protect me from bitter/angry ppl on the internet.... since you reblog a lot of posts related to that, it seems. ^^ oh and I notice you like/reblog from me a lot, if that counts.

Aww, thank you so much, anon!

I’m really really glad I give off that vibe, since I know how much it sucks to have people vocally hate something you love. I’ve seen stuff like “cringe culture is dead!” and yet the moment your special interest isn’t something “cool” to like, those same people turn around and put you on blast. It’s disgusting! And it can really get you down if you’re not careful.

But you know what? Here’s a little nugget I’ve been refining over the years to protect myself from the maelstrom of negativity that is the internet:

The only person’s approval you need to love what you love is your own. If something sparks an emotion or resonates with you, then that experience is real and it’s a part of you - and nobody can take that away from you.

Part of this is because getting super attached to my fandoms and other interests is a part of my experience as an autistic person who gets special interests (and I imagine this applies to hyperfixations as well). That pure feeling of joy when I get invested in these stories and learn everything about a topic I can? I wouldn’t want to change that about myself even if I could. The other part is that I realized that everyone approaches things with different attitudes and expectations, and that other peoples’ shouldn’t affect my own.

What do I care if Other M is controversial? I didn’t approach the game with the same expectations that a lot of fans did, and Madeline and Melissa Bergman are two characters that I care about deeply - my many headcanons about where their stories might go helped me get through my awful bout with loneliness and depression in my freshman year of high school. Why should it matter if GoT is imperfect as an adaptation? I love bonding with my parents over discussions of the characters and speculation about the next season, and besides, why should a show’s merits as an adaptation of a book series I haven’t read matter to me, anyway? Nobody talks about THG anymore since it ended years ago? I remember it and still feel attached, so all those old emotions are still real to me and I can revisit them whenever I want. Barb was just a meme and nobody gives a shit about her anymore? Well, I do - as someone who’s felt disconnected from my peers throughout my life, she continues to be a major comfort character and source of catharsis for me, even if there won’t be any more canon content with her in it.

I could go on and on about my other forgotten or vocally hated interests (the Sonic series has so much personal meaning to me that it could get its own post), but you probably get the point.

I actually used to have a blurb about “we may not get along if you hate-blog interests xyz” on my about page, but I recently deleted it since it honestly doesn’t apply to me anymore. A lot of those posts you mentioned used to be about convincing myself that my special interests are okay, but I think everything finally clicked for me when I saw Steven’s fusion scene from “Change Your Mind”. Once I viewed myself with the lens I use to look at other people instead of the hypercritical one I use for myself, I realized - hey, this is a cool person I’d love to hug!

“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me. I don’t need you to love me, I love me.”

So, that ends my little anecdote about how a scene from a cartoon helped me practice more mindfulness and made me realize how much I’ve grown as a person! Now, I mainly reblog those kinds of posts to help other people learn the same lesson that I have and make my corner of this website just a little warmer, a little less judgmental. Hearing that at least one of my followers has taken notice means a lot to me.

Oh, and if you ever want more advice or just someone to talk to about your own special interests, you can always send me an ask or a private message! I’m your dude

[6ad6ro]

um so… i woke up thinking of this old friend. she was like best friends w my bad ex? like i used to hang out w her like crazy. she was rly nice? mostly? tho she def had this issue where she didn’t rly know what she wanted in life. and let other ppls warped judgements of “how ppl should act” rub off on her.

like i remember times she would more or less call me a lazy piece of shit to my face. like it was somehow “understood”? but then i’d be like “why are u calling me that?” and she wouldn’t know. bc it wasn’t her actual opinion. she liked who i was. idk she was just rly confused. i think her brother was a cop. her dad was emotionally neglecting and like conservative or militant? i remember her always wanting to smoke pot but also saying “drugs are bad™”. she was someone who u could tell always wanted to be free but was held back by the opinions of the people around her.

especially her on again off again bf? i… didn’t like him. he wanted to grow up to be a politician. he only listened to classic rock. he looked and acted like a conservative wanabee eric foreman from that 70s show, but somehow even worse. he had her convinced that her dream was to be “a loving housewife”… it made me sick. i remember how he tried to convince her to stop hanging out w her best friend and me JUST bc she smoked pot. bc “she was an evil hippie and bad”. i mean tbh she SHOULD have stopped hanging out w my bad ex, but for completely dif reasons. like he was def that kinda guy. a selfish, immature, stubborn, self-righteous idiot. but he was the first guy to ever rly like her. and she had… self esteem issues. i remember how she would… was always waiting for him to decide to wanna go out w her. she seemed so lonely.

her and i were kinda friends separately from my bad ex (lets call her “A”). so one time i remember she ended up coming over to hang w me n watch rocky horror in my room? it was rly fun tbh!! we were having a great time! it was totally innocent! but i remember at one point she like… got weird. got up. and was like “im sorry i think i’m being a bad person i gotta go”. and left? i didn’t get it at the time? or rather… i think i denied it. she clearly liked me, wanted something to happen that night, and felt like a bad friend for having those thoughts. i never asked her about it but looking back it was p obvious. also A was a control freak n just a bad person… so i wouldn’t be surprised if she told L to stay away from me. even tho A was constantly cheating on me n using everyone around her etc. idk it was complicated.

i also remember another time before her and that guy that became her bf (lets call her “l” and him “m”)… i remember there was some small party at my house and for some horribly embarrassing reason my bad ex (we were still together then) convinced me to mess around w her under a blanket in same room as our other friends? we were all v v drunk. i guess it made others in room feel v lonely n so L and this other girl started like… both making out w the one other guy in the room? it was bizarre. that kind of stuff is fine in some circumstances? but this was rly unhealthy. i remember the guy felt bad and told the other girl he had to stop bc he had always rly liked L and wanted to see where things would go w her? other girl said she was fine w it (and knowing her persona it easily was?) and he ended up napping on floor w L. next day i think she woke up, completely regretted what happened, and ran back to M. it kinda sucked for guy bc he rly cared about her but she never even was willing to talk about what had happened. to her it was just a drunken mistake (i knew she kinda liked him back but obv she was scared).

even w all that stuff, L was a constant member of our hangout group for like… 7 or 8 years straight? idk! it was always rly fun w her! even if, looking back, A constantly was ruining all our fun w her insane bullshit. i have fond memories of 3am park hangouts n just roaming around talking n going on adventures… i’d never cheat on a partner. never have, never will. but i think i did have like… feelings for L that i always ignored? that part of her that… wanted freedom? from those weird family’s/bf’s/society’s ideals that she let chain her down? it was attractive. she was a nice person just doin her best.

anyways i remember around when A and i finally broke up for good (only a month after my dad died, if u wanna know how awful of a person A was). and she ended up taking me aside n warning me that A had been cheating on w me w another guy, but it’d gotten serious w him. and A of course was lying and stringing me along so she could get money n sex from me etc. A using me was p common. but L had had enough and “betrayed A” (did a v nice thing) and told me. i think that was… really what set in motion A and i being done for good. that helped wake me up about what a horrible person A was. and had always been. i’ll always be grateful to L for that. that must’ve been hard for her. and i think her and A’s like 10 year friendship died over that. which rly was a good thing like A was a terrible person.

anyways fast forward like 2? 3?? 4 years? L had gone off to a college out of state w her boyfriend M. she… followed him around. no judgement, but it prob wasn’t good for her. i was in an apartment in another city and me and A had been DONE™ for years. i was still def hurt from the 8+ years of abuse, but i was def over her at least. seeing other ppl regularly. it was def a weird time for me but… that’s another story.

L and i hadn’t rly talked in years. i just didn’t rly associate w ppl A still hung around. i never knew her and L had stopped being friends or i prob woulda kept up w L. i don’t think L and i cut off contact on purpose, but it was just one if those “things”. but L hit me up outta the blue. was like “ back in town do u wanna hang?” and we did! it was rly nice seeing her! we went out and about. idk. we started hanging for a bit. but she… idk she clearly rly enjoyed my company? but also… had those weird judgements. idk.

one time we were hanging and she was at my place and saw all the alcohol i had layin around and was like “hey uhhh can i have some?” and i was like “hehe okay i guess we can drink” and ordered a pizza and we just hung out.

idk but before we got drunk she finally told me why she was back. M, the guy she had followed to college, had done the gross, stereotypical dude thing of breaking up w her right after they both graduated. i got a vibe he had been cheating on her all throughout too. he rly was the type. and as we drank we talked about it. i felt so bad for her. she vented all night. and idk all i remember was we were both v drunk and i think i was… idk why my head was in her lap? but she was playing w my hair. and idk. we kissed. things happened. she seemed so happy w it! i was too. i even stupidly cracked a joke “i bet A would be rly pissed if she saw us rn” and we both laughed. i always regretted sayin it tho bc its not like i was doin it to get back at A.

but i remember we were in my bed making out bc i had accidentally gotten aggressive w her n slammed her into a wall n started kissing her? so hard her nose started bleeding? i felt awful but she LOOOVED it and idk we somehow wound up in bed. idk i kinda regret this. bc… i was having a hard time around then and… just sleeping w all my friends? it just became… clockwork. i would do what i thought my friends wanted me to do regardless of how i felt. i had become kinda a slut.

so i remember like… making out but then i started to escalate things? and i think fir a split second she sobered up and was like “wait lets cool this down a little”. and i was like “okay no prob” and we both tried to go for a walk n find a park? we walked hand in hand and she kept telling me how happy she was? like how… this was the kinda stuff M would never do with her? she was just smiling a lot. it was cute. but i was so drunk n still fairly new to area, so i took her in wrong direction from the park. we ended up giving up n just walking back.

we got back in and thats i think when she sobered up mostly but i wad still out of it? and she realised her dog hadn’t been fed. it was def a partial excuse but she rly loved that dog so i could tell it was REAL guilt. i felt bad bc i tried to take her hand n go back into my room bc i wanted her to stay n cuddle? i was just drunk. i wasn’t forceful, but i shoulda been like “oh that’s fine!” but tbh i was also a touch worried she was too drunk to drive. well anyways… she left.

later we did have a looong talk about it. like… she ended up going to try and get back with M again (i still will never know what she saw in him like he rly used her n treated her bad like even going so far as to ask her advice on dating other girls after they broke up). but idk i thought she was smart enough to end things w him, and could tell her and i had feelings, so i tried to stay a lil closer than friends? idk what i told her but it was along the lines of “we can stay friends but if things happen sometimes it’s okay w me”. i look back on it w embarrassment but i guess it wasn’t that bad a thing to say?

but rly it was mostly a drunken mistake. and she was scared. and wanted to cut it off. she couldn’t end things w M like she was still torally in love w him even tho he had abandoned her. tbh i know what that’s like. well anyways i remember a few hangouts later she just… bailed on me? in a rly mean way? i had gone to pick her up from her house (idk 30 min drive each way) and she just… totally stood me up. i was parked at her house like texting her wondering where she was? and she sent me a text like “sorry something came up”. and wouldn’t tell me what happened and i got annoyed and drove home.

i have a feeling now that like M had… shown back up in her life and she sorta… threw me away to run back to him? i mean i can’t take it too personally bc she woulda done that to ANYONE. i don’t remember what happened after that but we just stopped talking again. i saw later on fb that her and M had gotten engaged or married?? idek? idk if her and i are still fb friends or if one of us blocked the other or what? i don’t remember.

but idk. i hope she’s well. i hope M got WAYYY better. or she left him. or idk. i wouldn’t even know how to contact her. i’m almost afraid to. like bc i… could see her giving up on her dreams and just being that housewife to him. even if she was mildly content doing that, i know she’d never be happy. and it’s so unlikely that he’d have grown to be good to her. i just… hope she’s doing well and is okay and happy. idk why i woke up worrying about her. it’s been so long… i’m such a dif person now. idk. time is weird.

[villainousvillains]

Loki x Reader - Lesson Four: It’s Important to Feel Comfortable

Requested by Anon: I have an idea for another aura fic where she is in a big battle with everyone else, and as she is almost killed by a bad guy, her aura pulsates like a supernova and sends everything in a ten foot radius flying! She doesn’t know how she did the aura pulse, nor does she have control over it, so another lesson ensues to try and master the pulse!

A/N: *whispers* I love this one so much. eep. Also this title took me 20 years to come up with and I don’t like it I’m sorry. It doesn’t do this fic justice. In the process I came up with a title for another “lesson” so. Request away so I can use it. And another also, I’m posting this at a different time than normal bc I just finished it and I want to get it out as soon as possible bc I love it but then I had laptop troubles but I’ll probably reblog it tomorrow to make sure ppl see it bc I’ve seen other writing blogs do that... phew I’m kind of a crazy mess right now but writing this aura reader made me feel a lot better.

Other aura reader stuff:

Lesson One: Know Who You’re Up Against

Lesson Two: Leave the Past Alone

Lesson Three: Choose Your Words Wisely

Introductions

Ghost

“Have I taught you nothing?” Loki’s annoyed voice rang into my ear.

“Essentially!” I spat back, wiping debris and sweat off my face. Loki had been pissing me off so much today, and the fact that I was losing every battle I engaged in did not help.

“Get away from that one; I’ll handle him,” Loki barked. I sat straight up.

“No! I got it!” My feet slid in the dirt as I stood up, but I managed. My head swirled when I got to my feet and it took me a few seconds to catch my breath, but I quickly reengaged with the guy I was fighting. He was a scrawny dude, but his weapon was the biggest problem. He kept knocking me off my feet and catching me off guard, not giving me a chance to recompose.

“Stay one step ahead of him! Don’t let-”

I shut my earpiece off with a short growl, and summoned my aura to launch my body into the air, shooting wing-like shapes into the air in the color of my aura. I dodged the shots fired at me with ease, then dove in, trying to knock the weapon out of his hands. My efforts were in vain, and with a huff, I hovered back up in the air. Before I had time to react, I felt a surge of pain throughout my body. My focus was interrupted and I fell to the ground with a thud. I looked down and saw I was wrapped in some electric wire that the guy had shot from his weapon. The more I struggled, the tighter it wrapped, and the more my vision got blurry. I summed my aura the best I could, but it kept fading away. I groaned in pain, but I wasn’t about to give up. With a final burst of energy, I shut my eyes, suddenly getting my second wind. I was overwhelmed with energy and auras, consuming everything that surrounded me, then I felt no pain.

My ears rang, and I slowly opened my eyes. The wires that had previously been causing me so much pain sat beside me in useless strands, but the more surprising thing I saw was the barren wasteland that now sat in front of me. I wheezed, trying to catch my breath, as I looked that the circle I had created in the dirt and debris around me. Every bad guy we had been fighting was on the ground, which was good, but so was every avenger who had been grounded. I saw Cap sit up, dazed, and Nat laying face down.

I threw my hand to my ear to turn my communications back on. “Loki?” I breathed. “Where are you? Are you-”

“Y/n, are you okay? You weren’t near that explosion, were you?” He called back, voice frantic.

“I… I think I was the explosion.”

. . . . . . .

I never wanted to move again. My legs were sore, my arms were sore, muscles I didn’t know existed where sore. It was awful. It had been three days since the mission and the soreness had only dulled a little.

I rolled out of bed like a burrito and walked to the kitchen for breakfast, wrapped in a blanket that made me feel secure. Loki was there as I walked in, like he usually was, eating the leftover breakfast casserole we didn’t even know who had made.

“Hey,” I muttered, opening the freezer, looking for sausage biscuits.”

“Hi,” he replied, his voice sounding slightly concerned, but I ignored it. He hadn’t spoken to me much since after the mission. He was probably still mad at me. I put the biscuits in the microwave and turned around to lean against the fridge, facing Loki.

“You’re still mad,” I stated.

“Extremely,” Loki grumbled, pushing his food around with his fork.

I pursed my lips and nodded. “You’re not exactly reacting the way I thought you would.” Loki took in a deep breath, pondered saying something, then didn’t. “I’d rather you yell at me.”

“I’m not going to scold you.”

“Well, you should do something. I don’t know. You’re being annoying.”

Loki let out a grunt, making my eyes widen, not sure why I had asked him to react normally. “You are… absurd!” he exclaimed. I licked my lips and pressed them together in nervousness. “You don’t listen to me, you haven’t been using any of the skills I’ve taught you, and now you refuse to use your powers at all because of what happened last time! And you won’t talk about it with anyone! Not even me.” The last part was more of a mutter than anything else, but the rest was what I expected to hear immediately after the mission. Except for the part about me not using my powers. I didn’t think he had noticed.

“I have used my powers…”

“A blatant lie? Really? You usually try to mask it more than that,” Loki hissed, all fired up now. He stood up in a huff and threw his plates in the sink.

“I’ve only been resting,” I said, trying again. Loki turned to face me with a scary smile.

“See? Now that’s more like it,” he said with false pride, pointing a finger at me. “That one is more difficult to see through because that’s a lie you’re also telling yourself.” I rolled my eyes, exasperated by his ability to see through me. “If you believe it, then so should I,” he continued. “But the problem for you,” He came close to me and put his hands on both of my arms, “is that I know you too well.”

I looked up at him then down as I let out a sigh. “I really don’t want to use my powers again. That was… something I didn’t know I could do, and if I trigger it again... “ I trailed off and looked at Loki for reassurance.

“We’re going to have another lesson,” Loki told me, and I shook my head, fear coursing through my veins. “We’re going to have another lesson because you need to get over this fear. You’re not going to hurt anyone.”

I trusted Loki with my life, but I absolutely did not believe him.

. . . . . . .

“Start with the small stuff until you feel comfortable again,” Loki instructed. My hands shook, and I hated it. I had never been afraid of my powers. Even when I was still with my parents and they were afraid, and I still couldn’t totally control it, I knew I would never hurt anyone with it. It wasn’t like a weapon I possessed. It was my aura. It was a part of me and a part of everyone. I wasn’t creating anything out of thin air, I was using what already existed.

“I really don’t feel comfortable at all, Loki.” I couldn’t bring myself to do anything with my powers. It suddenly hurt to look at the auras that surrounded me. I wanted to crawl back in bed.

“Alright. New approach,” Loki announced, rubbing his hands together, evil villain style. He looked around at the gym. “It’s a bit tight in here, isn’t it?”

I shrugged and nodded, but Loki didn’t even look at me for a response. His aura dashed to his fingers, swirling around his palm as he raised his arm. Slowly, he moved his arm, rotating his body around the room, and as he did, the entire location changed. We were suddenly in an open, grassy field. I looked at Loki, confused.

“Where-”

“It’s actually quite hard to explain, but you won’t hurt anyone here,” Loki answered, looking around at the open field, breathing in the fresh air.

“I could hurt you,” I pointed out.

“You won’t,” he replied, not a care in the world. “Now, let’s figure this out.”

He helped me get comfortable again. He let me lift him up, talked me through relearning illusions, flying, picking up inanimate objects.

“You feel better?” Loki asked as i guided myself back down.

“Yeah,” I replied, breathing hard. I had tried to do tricks in the air.

“You really need to better your stamina,” Loki observed.

I reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, I know,” I grumbled. “I’m using my energy, though. I can’t just… make more.”

Loki picked up a finger. “Ah, which reminds me. Do you have any idea how you created that… pulse? If that was all your own power, you should have passed out or-”

“No, I should have died,” I corrected him. Loki fell silent, but I didn’t let the air stay quiet for long. “I think I used the energy from the electric rope around me? Or just from the auras around me… I’m not really sure. It was a blur.”

Loki nodded along, thinking. “I have an idea.”

“I’m not doing that again,” I said, stopping any plan he was forming.

“You need to know how to control it and how to do it,” he told me while I shook my head vigorously. “It could be very useful.”

“No, Loki. If something goes wrong I don’t know what could happen.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“I might!” I barked. “Once again, I don’t know-”

“I can protect myself.” Loki’s voice felt like he was putting a spell on me. So firm and confident but also soothing and gentle.

“You haven’t in the past,” I argued, thinking back to the two times I launched him across a room with barely any effort.

Loki tilted his head with a smirk. “You think I would let you push me over that many times and not figure out how to defend myself? Don’t forget our first lesson.”

“How could I ever?” I said dryly, shaking my head. “You only bring it up every five seconds.”

“Trust me,” Loki said, tilting his head down, forcing me to look in his eyes. “It’s better for you to do this.”

I bit the inside of my lip and looked around that the open, harmless area. “Fine!” I gave in. “Okay. Fine. Let’s do this. What’s your… stupid idea.”

Loki let out a laugh. “Alright. I’ll summon as much magic as I can. I’m not completely sure how the summoning works. Usually I just… do things, but I’ll try, then you use that energy along with some of yours to create the pulse.”

I sighed and nodded.

“But,” Loki continued, remembering something. “Not too much of your own.”

I continued nodding, then shook my arms out, getting ready. “Okay,” I breathed. “Okay, okay, I’m ready.”

Loki gave a short nod and shut his eyes. I watched him more intently than I every had. His aura became a deep green and flowed around him like a current. It was beautiful. I snapped out of it before I became to dazed and focused his energy the best I could. I felt awake again, like I had during the mission. Loki summoned so much power, it was almost more than what I had felt before. I shut my eyes, quickly becoming overwhelmed. What I previously had thought was just a second wind, I knew now was just pure energy. Pure aura. Whether it was Loki’s natural aura, his magical aura, or my own aura, I had it all. I felt a rush, then a familiar ringing in my ears that meant it was over.

My eyes stayed shut longer than they really needed to, but I almost never wanted to open them again. I was scared of what I might see. When I finally managed to open my eyes, I wasn’t too surprised. The grassy field was now mainly dirt and upturned plants. I whipped around, trying to find Loki, but he wasn’t where he had been.

“Loki,” I said, almost growling. He had promised I wouldn’t hurt him. He had told me he would be fine. If he even had a scratch, I was going to kill him. “Loki?” I called, louder this time.

“Here.” I heard a gravelly voice call from behind a small hill that used to be covered in grass. I ran over to the voice despite my legs being jelly. I jumped to the bottom of the small hill and found Loki there, on his back, face covered in dirt.

“You said you wouldn't get hurt!” I screamed, angrier than I had ever been. “Fuck, Loki, you said!”

“I’m fine!” He assured me, trying to sound confident but it failed when he grimaced slightly as he sat up. I fell to his side, conflicted between being concerned or furious. “I’m really fine. It happened more suddenly that I thought it would, so I was just a bit late in deploying my shield.”

“I swear to god, Loki, I’m so pissed right now I just-” I growled through clenched teeth. Loki laughed and put his hand on my arm. I glared at him in response.

“That was impressive,” he said, looking at me in admiration.

“Thanks,” I muttered in response. “I don’t like doing it.”

“But now you know how. It could be-”

“Very useful, I know.”

Loki nodded and looked down, then back at me. “No one is going to force you to use it. We don’t have to tell the others about this.”

I licked my lips. “I’d rather not.”

Loki and I looked at each other in understanding and in… something else that I couldn’t pinpoint.

“You have so much dirt on your face,” I said with a small smile. Loki only kept staring at me, one eyebrow ever so slightly cocked, as if I hadn’t said anything. I cleared my throat. “Hello? Earth to Loki?” I  waved a hand in front of him, snapping him out of whatever trance he had been in.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Shall we return?”

I nodded, eyebrows furrowed, and he put us back in the gym within seconds. Loki’s aura was still fairly active as we stood up, and mine was as well, despite having recovered from my aura pulse. But it was strange because I didn’t feel energetic or frantic or overwhelmed like when I was about to release the pulse.

I suddenly reached my arm out and grabbed Loki’s sleeve, forcing him to look at my distraught facial expression. “Oh my god,” I said, heart racing. “I forgot my sausage biscuits in the microwave.”

Another A/N: Okay wait wouldn’t “Pulse” be a cool superhero name for aura reader? Maybe that’s just me? Idk I feel like that’s pretty damn cool.

TAGGED:

@sarahivi @ilvermornyqueen @gladerb5 @tbetz0341 @1800-fight-me @nowitsyourturntocry @lokilover2000 @emergenciesstory @savemealoevera @frostymoon11 @stayfrosty-royalsunshine @scarred-neptinite @phonegalhelp @cruisingheightswithdragons @lusty-loki @ourdeliciousfoxcollector

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

Why does no one talk about how luke lost siblings pre war? Like like is what 14 when he comes to camp, hes 19 when percy does. Meaning, because he wasnt the cousler when he got to camp one or more of his soblings had to die in the five years he lived at camp. In the five years he lived at camp his brothers and sisters would go home and not come back? How many bodless shrouds did luke have burn???

oh i think

but on this blog, we stan luke castellan

i stanned luke before it was cool, before the word “stan” even existed

i was stanning luke the moment i finished tlt

but, uh, anyway,,,

in a more…coherent way, i think it’s bc a lot of ppl don’t like luke. like at all. and a lot of it stems from two things,,,

1: many ppl, i think, don’t separate kronos from luke and luke from kronos. OR, they don’t fully grasp just how manipulative kronos was, and how far someone can go when they are being manipulated. OR, they could not do both of those things and still hate luke, and that’s fine and fair. they’re entitled to their opinion

2: the whole “did you love me” scene, when luke was dying

and i know this isn’t what you’re asking for–in fact your question at the beginning of your ask is probably more rhetorical than anything–but like i said, i stan luke castellan, and i have a lot of feelings abt this topic. so i’m going to break down my points, and then talk abt his life at chb before percy showed up, regarding the deaths of his siblings

which is my usual at this point so, ya know,,,

what are you gonna do

as usual, hcs under the cut

one

1a: sometimes i get the feeling that some think luke and kronos were basically one in the same? and that luke is completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series. which is wrong. he’s not, he was being severely manipulated by a titan; misled, misguided, and used. kronos was taking something that already existed in luke and twisting it to his own gains. additionally, after kronos possess him, he’s no longer in control of his actions. he’s trapped in his own body, while kronos pulls the strings, quite literally.

1b: i also get the feeling that sometimes ppl don’t quite understand how manipulation and gaslighting can effect your ability to think for yourself, to think clearly abt a lot of things at all. or, swinging in the other direction, perhaps think too much abt everything. for this post, it’s the former. manipulation is subtle and insidious, you start to do and say things you wouldn’t normally think you’d do or say for fear of punishment, whether it be physical, emotional, and/or psychological from the other. manipulation like that is abuse, and luke was being abused by kronos. so he is not completely and wholly responsible for his actions throughout the series

1c: finally, ppl may very well recognize these two things–that luke and kronos were two separate entities, and that manipulation can be a terribly powerful and destructive tool used against ppl–and still decide to hate him. and ya know, that’s fine. we’re all entitled to how we feel abt fictonal characters. at the end of the day, agree to disagree

two

a lot of ppl hate him also bc of the question he asked annabeth in tlo, a dying man’s inquiry

and a lot of ppl interpreted it as romantic. and therefore, rightfully so, saw that as disgusting, considering luke is considerably older (6 to 7 yrs, at least).

not only that, but luke oftentimes used annabeth’s crush on him against her (whether he knew annabeth’s love was romantic or familial at that time, who’s to say; i mean i say that he didn’t realize annabeth had a crush on him for a very long time, he probably mostly saw it as familial, bc he is considerably older)–i think the biggest example of that would be when he got annabeth to hold the sky for him bc he knew if she saw him in pain, she would help him, no question, bc she loved him. that i can’t really argue against. i will say he was still being deeply manipulated by kronos, but it’s still a p despicable thing to do just in general

the infamous question he asks annabeth, i see as way more complicated. i think since we’re in percy’s head, it’s meant to seem romantic, considering percy could tell immediately annabeth had a crush on luke at the beginning of tlt, and percy, himself, had completely fallen, head-over-heels in love with annabeth at that point in time.

i see the question as familial, as well as romantic love, but not in the way you think. i felt it was him almost checking to see the depth of annabeth’s romantic love she felt for him–was it just a crush, or has she deeply and truly fallen in love with me? i think he knew she’d fallen in love with percy (even if it took him a while to figure out she had a crush on him). his question was more a check, rather than a, “oh i’m going to ask this girl who is 7 yrs younger than me if she loves me romantically.” but also one of familial love. her answer is implied to be strictly romantic, but luke knows that annabeth’s always loved him, and he’s checking to see if not romantic, than still as family. i.e., “but, no, i didn’t love you in that way”

bonus! three

and look, before you get all indignant and ready to pull receipts, i’m not a luke apologist

i recognize that him being manipulated, and not fully in control of his actions, does not excuse the fact that he still committed them. i am fully aware that he was not a good person, and that he did terrible things

but i also recognize that for one, he wasn’t entirely in control or himself bc of the manipulating kronos was doing to him (which does count for something in the grand scheme of things, even if it does not excuse his actions), and two he had a point abt the gods. the gods are fucking awful. they ain’t shit, and they care little abt their own fucking children.

[aside] hey so cool concept: if you don’t want to put in the effort to do the bare minimum for you children…DON’T HAVE CHILDREN. wild i know. and for gods??? the bare minimum would be like claiming them, and making sure their cabins are the least bit comfortable to live in, which they could do, literally with a snap of their fingers, which would take less than a second. the bar is on the fucking ground. if you’re gonna try and give me the Ancient Laws shit, first of all it was clearly shown throughout the pjo and hoo series, the gods often help demigods, even if they aren’t “““““supposed to interfere””””” so that’s a weak argument. second of all, for bigger things, like getting them to camp or smth, well why not find adults who maybe can take care of them??? maybe it’s a bit idealist sure, but adults should fucking know better. not to mention, the fact that i wish older ppl would care and take care of younger ppl is me being ideal speaks for itself. i recognize not every single person can be the perfect parent, but we can sure as hell try to get close

luke did those things bc he thought he was helping demigods–he started doing it for them and it spun wildly out of control bc kronos is a titan, he’s ruthless, and wanted to kill the gods for his own gain. he didn’t care abt luke, but he’d gladly use luke to achieve his goal. by the time luke realized that, it was already too late. but anyway, /tangent

i can completely understand luke’s motivations, while also understanding that his methods were not the way to go abt change. and that’s another thing abt it, is that i feel like many in the fandom take a very black-and-white perspective on his character, when it’s much more complicated than that

there’s a post going around, talking abt how antagonists and villains should be relatable, bc it reminds us not to go there. and i think a lot of ppl should really take that to heart. i can like a character, but not the person. i don’t idealize luke is any sense of the word. i am aware of all his flaws.

now, first i would like to point out that the rules of becoming head counselor don’t have to involve death. i’m sure with demigods, they often do, but there are two other options: 1) two competing head counselors have a chat and agree on who should be head counselor or 2) they battle each other, and whoever is victorious becomes head counselor

it’s a safe bet that that probably happened quite a lot in the hermes cabin, considering how many demigods resided in there before the second titan war (tho i imagine chiron at least tried (???) to make sure legit only children of hermes become head counselors, bc it is...well...the hermes cabin).

but, as i said before, they are demigods, and so it’s another safe bet that their head counselors were often lost to death

it’s hard to say just how many of luke’s siblings were lost to death, but let’s look at the timeline here real quick. in tlt, luke says that he screwed everything up for everyone else, bc after his quest went so awry, chiron stopped letting kids out of camp to go on quests...which thinking abt it now, almost doesn’t make sense.

i mean, the fact that luke failed so miserably and came back horribly scarred was the catalyst the made chiron stop letting ppl out, but demigods literally dying on quests didn’t???? uuuuuummmmmm?????????

and we can extrapolate from the spoils in the attic of the big house that a lot of campers did die on their quests

i mean, maybe it was also bc chiron had a feeling the great prophecy was getting nearer and nearer to being fulfilled, and he decided after luke failed his quest--a close call like that--he didn’t want to risk any other demigods’ lives anymore until the prophecy began, bc war takes a lot of lives, but still, that’s p fucked up logic

/tangent

anyway, so i think luke was at camp for abt 3 yrs before he finally got a quest of his own. so luke had three yrs at camp to lose siblings to death.

i mean, going by how much luke fought to get his own quest, hermes’ children probably didn’t get a lot of issued quests (more evidence abt how others see hermes as a god, despite him still being a major god).

but, for argument’s sake, let’s say that before the great prophecy became too real for chiron to let out kids on other quests, abt 5-10 quests were issued for each full yr, depending on how long the quest itself would take (tho we’ve seen that a lot of things can be accomplished in v little time, so that’s why my estimation has a lot of variation)

[aside] these numbers are completely and utterly arbitrary, i’m totes making this up as i go

and for more argument’s sake, let’s say that the hermes cabin were issued at least half of those, since they have so many kids--maybe even some of the undertermined kids were issued a quest and as a reward would get to know who their godly parent is (wow, that’s just so shitty, where did my mind come up with that)

and i imagine, even tho they were undetermined, luke felt like they were siblings all the same bc everyone, even children of hermes, were miserable in that cabin. it was jam-packed, crammed, with no breathing space. and some of them in there had completely given up that they’d ever find out who their godly parent was bc their godly parent didn’t care abt them at all

luke hated seeing that. so when a quest was issued to anyone in his cabin, and they didn’t come back, that probably took a serious toll on his mental health. not to mention only did to feed his anger and hatred toward the gods. esp if he thought that the kid was only doing it to find out who their godly parent was

bc they get at least half of the quests during the yr, across 3 yrs, luke probably lost from 5-15 of his siblings, and those he considered siblings.

i have a hc that he cares quite a lot abt his half-siblings. for as much as he hates his father, his siblings didn’t do anything to be ignored like he is, and as luke grows older, he probably takes on kinda father-figure. like if hermes isn’t gonna step up, then luke will he just kinda went abt it the wrong way, with the whole kronos thing...

i imagine, also, that he sometimes lost his siblings when they would sneak out of camp. i mean, from what little glimpse into luke’s life we got before he started trying to take over the world, he made it sound like the hermes kids often snuck out of camp to get things from new york proper like junk food. and it’s more dangerous for them outside the borders, so it’s safe to say that if they were in the wrong place at the wrong time and met a monster they were unprepared to face, they most likely died.

that only increases the number of siblings he lost over those 5 yrs before precy got to camp.

i think tho, those that went on quests and died would have more impact, bc it’s obvious his siblings dying after sneaking out didn’t dissuade him from still sneaking out. but luke was probably more careful abt it

actually, jk, it probably affected him A Lot. and hc that that’s part of the reason he trained so hard with a sword--he probably told his siblings that he’d be the only one going out of camp for any bargaining chips, didn’t matter if he was directly involved or not. and bc he was so good with a sword, he’d be better equipped to handle tougher monsters.

with every lost sibling, i imagine luke throws himself into sword-fighting and masking his grief and pain with anger and hatred even more--it grows exponentially, and never hits a ceiling. he probably blames the gods to bury the fact that he actually blames himself. bc if he accepts that he blames himself that means he also wasn’t strong enough to protect his siblings

it’s easier to blame the gods and train so that maybe one day he’ll be strong enough to protect his siblings. that’s another motivation behind why he decides to join kronos and lead his army until kronos can reform/find a host. kronos promises to make him strong enough to protect not just his siblings, but all demigods who have been thrown to the wayside by the gods--no more useless quests that needlessly take their lives, just to get their godly parents to “““““approve””””” of them

i’m sure he gets tired of feeling powerless, and sometimes the grief is so overwhelming he hides in the forest and lets himself feel for once, but not willing to let anyone else see him break. then he somehow puts himself back together, more determined than ever to become powerful enough to make it stop. at the very least, make it stop happening so frequently.

hmmm, not sure if this is what you asked for, but this is where my brain went. not quite happy with it, i feel like i keep saying the same thing abt luke over and over again but in varying ways, but i did add some new hcs

if you wanna send in another ask with some of yours ideas, i think my brain would be able to use that as a springboard and come up with more specific hcs

as always, thanks for sending this in!!! i know i say this with every ask, but i really do enjoy thinking/discussing these things ^_^ it’s always fun to interact with the fandom for me

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