#all the same i've imagined her as someone who still managed to find a support network in the form of her friends

[butchsophiewalten]

“Jenny lived a very normal and fulfilled life, y'know? She just, like, lived in the suburbs, with supporting people in her life." Looks like we all have to kill ourselves now

donnt even worry im ignoring this paert 👍 he doesnt know her like i do

[vifilms]

we could go there | a. anderson

tags: eighteen+, sexual innuendoes, mentions of sex, jealousy, ow*n, beware i'm an ow*n hater 'nd i display that hatred here, two gays in love, fem!reader, fluff city, get a snack bc this is the longest fic i've ever posted.

a/n. hi guys. it's ray, again. as i begin to roll out content slowly, i want to make it clear, i fully support palestine. anyone who consumes my content, i strongly encourage to do the same. i have no patience for ignorance. below are links to take a look at. educate yourself, donate where you can, and reblog if you can't. hopefully you guys like this one, it's been a labor of love and a bit different than what i normally post. anyways, with love as always ♡

wc. 9k

DO NOT BUY TLOU, FUCK NEIL DRUCKMANN + EDUCATE YOURSELF + DAILY CLICK FOR PALESTINE + DONATE TO PALESTINE.

divider creds — @cafekitsune

Owen could not have been this fucking stupid. Practically trying to piss all over Abby as if she were something to own, some damn property to own, as if she wasn’t an actual person with feelings who could make her own decisions. The man only thought with his dick and the ugly green head growing endlessly. He only thought of what he wanted – never what she needs.

Meaning the only thought bouncing in your mind? Punching his crooked jaw.

To put it simply, Owen was not managing the breakup well by any means. It had been three months and still Owen continued to grab onto Abby like a leech. For this exact reason, you told Abby you wanted to keep whatever was happening between you away from prying eyes. Everything with Abby was still new, and you did not want to rush it. Ruin it even. Really, you wanted to stay in this small, secure bubble with her for the longest you could.

So, you kept it this way.

It was nice when it was just the two of you. Abby always likes to cook for you after a long week. Friday nights ending with her, a bottle of red on the dining room table, her cuddled up to your side. It surprised you how willing she was to be available for you each week, only missing one Friday due to a nasty cold. There were no prying eyes, no preconceived judgement – absolutely no expectations. Just you and those gorgeous blue eyes you couldn’t help but fall deeper for. With a soft familiar shine, every word she spoke dripped like pure honey all over your heart, making it brand new again.

You didn’t know what sweet was until her.

Never been more sure of it until now.

As if there was never an ache to be had, a heart broken – she seemed to seamlessly mend every broken piece of you.

You were so soft on her, and the Friday night dates only helped the cause. There wasn’t a damn thing you could do to help yourself from falling for her. Even when your knee jerk reaction is to run in the opposite direction, your feet stay glued to the ground. Kind words and services of affection gripped your heart with an iron fist and somehow, she managed not to break it.

You loved it. You were terrified. You want to run into her arms and never let go.

But of course, the man was the complication. The retched, jealous ex-boyfriend who could not imagine her being with a woman when he was right there. Owen always seemed to try and worm his way whenever he was around the two of you. Abby knew, just as well as you did, he wouldn’t be able to stomach you two together. So, she tried to keep it concealed for his sake and she wants to protect you. Owen is her loose end to tie; the last thing she wants is you in the middle of it.

Especially when things were going so well with you. Abby really had not expected to move on so fast, or at least find someone as amazing as you so soon, but you were right under her nose the whole time. She felt like an idiot for never recognizing it, but she thought better late than never, right? It’s overwhelming guilt consuming her, telling her it’s wrong to feel this happy so soon, but there’s no choice but to shove it down.

If she wants to be happy, pretend like the stress of Owen’s instigations aren’t getting to her, she needs to shove.

So, Abby shoves.

The stoic-blonde tries her best to hide what you two had from the rest of the group. Not until she dealt with her baby of an ex-boyfriend and his unresolved feelings. She just wanted to give him enough space to move on, but now it would be impossible.

She knew it and you did too. To Owen, it had been the most obvious. You were almost certain he was starting to put the two pieces together.

God was he being even more insufferable than ever.

It was nauseating you the way he was acting. He needed to be talking to Abby, sitting by Abby, touching Abby. Abby. Abby. Abby. The ignorant man’s mind focused on one thing, and it was his ex-girlfriend. Deep in his bones he believed there was still truly a shot and part of you thought there was. She did not like girls, or you, as much as she thought she did. She kept him around, never refusing what he wanted, and the two of you were not official.

You told yourself so many times, lies of assurance turned into fact in your mind, masking what the truth actually is.

Truly, there’s little to do.

Abby did not really owe you a damn thing.

Sure, she was available for you and those nights were everything to you. Most of them spent together ending with her fucking you, whispering sweet nothings into your ear before you fell asleep in each other’s arms.

You’re just a need for her to fill. A quick fuck, that’s all you are.

Persistent as ever, thoughts of doubt seemed to nag and linger throughout your head.

You’re not good enough for her.

She’ll run back to him.

Abby just wants your body, not you.

Everything had an expiration date and possibly, you need to start facing the harsh reality, she could not possibly be ready for all of this. Although, the possibility of her still hung up over Owen filled you up entirely with disdain.

What else were you supposed to think? Abby refused to cut ties; she wants to keep the two of you a secret. Even if she had been stuck to your side like glue all night, it did not stop the anxious feeling rumbling in the pit of your stomach.

You craved for more, but it could be possible you were just the building block until she found the next person to move onto. It’s not like Owen and her were some short-term fling. They had been together for years and clearly, he thought it would be for the long haul. He knew her in ways you couldn’t. The pair had been friends since they were kids. He gave her the support she needed when she lost her dad.

You could even understand how difficult it would be to give up someone like that, even if it was Owen. You would never blame her for not being able to let go of it. Never would you be able to forgive yourself if you held her to this crazy expectation, just like Owen did. So, you tried to hide for both of your sakes. It’s been easier in your relationship with Abby in the beginning. When it was new and fun, it went unnoticed.

But it clearly written all over the two of you tonight.

You were too drunk and even if Owen’s eyes were on the two of you, all you saw was her. Everyone was busy roasting marshmallows, still cool enough in beginning of spring, fire crackling as you watched it glow Abby’s features.

Her freckled cheeks and ivory skin sporting an orange hue and you were a little too obsessed with it.

She’s so beautiful. All you can think about is pressing your lips against hers, claiming her in front of everyone. It’s all you want.

But your own insecurity gets the best of you and somehow, it’s possible to dig down deep, suppressing the urge.

So, you try to place your focus elsewhere.

Even if being here with Abby, side by side, was a bad idea. She shoved her pussy in your face for consolation. You come with her, a party Owen would be at, and you finally get to eat her pussy out which you took full advantage of prior to arriving.

-

Ellie thought it would be important for the gang to get together before spring break rolled in and you had agreed along with Abby. Thankfully, Owen had shown up late and the only spot available to him was on singular chair across from where you were snuggled up with Abby on a two-seat bench.

Your hand on her thigh as you told her something dumb, silly even, but the smile on her burned so bright – you couldn’t help it. Any day of the week, it’s all you want. To see her happy, beaming. It just so happened to be your luck she did it often with you. She might’ve been cautious with Owen around, especially when it came to her proximity with you.

You’d eaten her out on your bed, before you rode in the passenger side of her jeep. Fuck, did you love how happy she looked, how relaxed she’d seemed. Abby didn’t tell you, but Owen had never even offered to do that before. The fact you had been begging for it unprompted had her heart pumping. Delicate hands running over her thick thighs as she let you spread them out wide before you made yourself comfortable between them.

She was replaying it over in her mind as she smiled wide at you. Abby could listen to you talk about whatever, forever. You made her feel good, didn’t ask her anything in return, but she would absolutely return the favor. Maybe by the end of the night, even.

It’s moments like these, making you believe this could be something special. Even convincing you Abby would want this with you, to be your girlfriend. For her to be yours seemed like a fever dream, but the more time you spent with her, you couldn’t deny it’s all you wanted. You were just terrified she couldn’t possibly want to be like this with you.

The uncertainty was a bitch and you felt like you were choking on it.

“Where’d you go, sweet girl?” Abby’s thumb smoothed over your chin. She wants to pull you in closer, claim you in front of everyone, but she doesn’t want to deal with the heat from Owen. Abby is fully capable of handling him, yet she can’t find it within herself to subject you to it.

It’s the last thing you deserve, not when you’ve been anything but perfect to her.

She tries to pretend the fear isn’t there as her throat bobs, attempting to swallow it down.

“Just thinking about…someone.” You drew out with a smirk on your face.

“Someone, hmm? Is a certain blonde the someone? Is she in the room with us?” Abby looks around in faux cluelessness. You have no choice but to laugh as she roasts two marshmallows for the two of you in one of her large hands.

“She might be, but she’s being silly right now. I’m not so sure anymore.” You teased, a smirk pulling at your lips. Abby likes how it feels to have your hand on her thigh, thumb rubbing back and forth. She’s thankful for the fuzzy, thick blanket placed over you both, concealing unwanted eyes from the affection.

The chilly, midnight air bites into your skin, it’s dropping more quickly than you anticipated but you’ll live.

Abby still feels the rapid beating of her heart, it’s deep in her soul. She wonders if you can feel it too. She takes a moment to look at you, really let her gaze fall on you and she knows how badly she’s fallen. It feels obvious, in the way her blue eyes are glossed over in love, the way she offered to roast your marshmallow for you, the way she insisted on sitting next to you whenever you were making your way over to the other bench with Jesse. She takes note of the black hoodie you’re wearing, the one you stole from her closet, her cheeks are crimson, but she’ll blame it on the cold if anyone asks.

Yeah, it’s the cold making her heart skip a beat.

“Are you sure you’re not cold?” Abby asks again, taking note of your body shivering before her.

“I-I’m fine, Abs. Promise?” But you weren’t. Your body was shivering, and you couldn’t speak without your teeth chattering.

“Oh yeah. You’re fine, right?” Abby taunts.

“Abby…please. Not right now.”

“What?”

“You know exactly what.”

“Maybe you should spell it out for me.”

“Now, you’re just being mean, Abs.” You begged, pleaded with her to let this go. You didn’t need another reason for him to judge either of you. The two of you already had been more affectionate than you wanted to be in front of Owen.

“Oh, I’m the mean one?” She tilted her head cockily, her tongue poking the inside of her cheek. Dangerously leaning into you as her eyes took a quick glance at your lips. Forbidden fruit she could only have in the safety of your apartment or hers. Made her full warm, her mind wondering about how you made her feel. All the things you’d done to her, how you always picked up when she called, how you seemed to know what to say and at the right times.

It’s not fair.

“Tonight, you are.” You replied, trying to see if there was another conversation to escape into, but everyone was engaged in conversation, except for Owen. He was looking right at you, furrowed eyebrows and jaw clenching as he took Abby’s undivided attention directed towards you.

“He’s looking right at us, Abby. You guard dog looks like he wants to choke me out.” You turned towards her muscular frame, only to find she has leaned in even more. God, she was trying to torture you. Infinitely so.

“Well, he’ll have to get in line.” Abby teased, dropping a wink that made you feel hot in the bitter cold.

“Baby, you’re killing me.” You lightly pushed her, laying your head against her shoulder.

“Calling me baby in public? Are you trying to torture me…baby?” Abby whispered in your ear as she maneuvered her free hand underneath the blanket and interlocking with yours. She kept it against her thigh, but it was her turn to rub her thumb against your skin.

“No can even hear us.”

“Would you care even if they could?” You paused for a moment as you contemplated.

Would you truly? Owen’s reaction wouldn’t be the best, but it would take the relief off your shoulders. Honestly, you would have been nervous if Abby was truly serious about this.

About you, but she’s not.

“You’re holding my hand, Abby.” You sighed, content with her warm fingers heating up your freezing ones.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking doing more than just holding your hand.” Abby rested her head against yours, “But I’ll settle for this, at least for right now.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re pretty much all I think about these days, especially after you ate me out this afternoon.” You feel the heat even in the freezing cold, taking the sharp remark right off your tongue.

She was smirking wildly at her accomplishment, until she noticed the glare being sent her way.

Abby stares at Owen and she can tell how angry he looks, but she knows better than anyone he’s all bark and no bite. He won’t say anything to her right now, not until she’s alone. He doesn’t want you around when he says what he needs to.

Abby knows what he wishes to tell her. It’s been on the tip of Owen’s tongue after the breakup, but it’s a little too late. She doesn’t care to hear how sorry he is. It’s holding no weight. He only wants to fix things once he’s turned her into an afterthought. It makes her feel sick, unwanted even.

She feels none of those things when she’s with you. All the doubt, self-hatred, and regret piles in the back of her throat when she thinks about Owen. His presence no longer provides her with comfort and safety. All she sees is the blood on his hands and it fuels her with rage. She shouldn’t feel this way. Abby doesn’t want to, so she drowns herself in you.

Abby can’t feed into his delusion anymore; she knows she can’t. Not if she wants to keep you around and keep you happy.

Owen knows his limits. Abby will never talk to him if he interrupts her while she’s preoccupied with you, she’ll be out for his neck if he tries anything, the look she was giving told him that.

“Would you just stop being stubborn and take my jacket?” Abby speaks quietly. She removes the marshmallows from the pit of the fire, and you grab the graham crackers and the chocolate with your free hand.

Purposefully, you ignored her comment.

“You know, this would be easier if you let go of my hand.”

“Not going to happen, gorgeous.” Abby chuckled as she watched you struggling to remove the graham cracker from the plastic encasing. She takes in the way your eyebrow furrows in concentration, trying to get this god-awful plastic away from the treasure. Plump lips pouting, practically begging for assistance.

“Abbbyyyyyy.” You grunt, clearly frustrated with the damn crackers.

“Do you want my help, baby?” She asks innocently, but there’s nothing innocent about her voice. It makes you want to fuck her right in front of everyone. Especially with Owen watching. Yeah, fuck him. Why did you have to suffer for his shortcomings? Clearly, he wasn’t good enough for her, but you would be. You’d treat her like she fucking deserves. In your bones, deep in your very being, you would never make her feel like Owen did.

She’s perfect in your eyes. So precious and joyful, she made you feel good, and you hoped you did the same for her. Carefully, she set the marshmallows she’d be holding on the skewers and placed them carefully in your lap.

“Give it here, baby.” Abby’s delicious, big palm inviting you to place the bag in her hand and you did. It shouldn’t have been as sinful as it is, but she barred her teeth on the seam, creating a tear, placing the crackers on her lap. Immediately, Abby rested her head against yours once again. It made your heart skip a beat; how close she wants to be with you tonight.

Secretly, it’d been kind of an unspoken agreement when she was with Owen. Abby didn’t like public affection, never really had been into it. Made her feel nauseous at the thought. So, Owen stopped trying and because of it you’d make a point to never push more than she was ready for. But making her come on your tongue three times before you left the coziness of your apartment brought it out of her. Somehow, you had managed to subdue her into a needy, whining little girl who needed your touch, or she just might just die right then and there.

It's what you told yourself. You weren’t quite sure what else to believe.

Abby knew the truth; she’d been hiding tucking it away for safe keeping. She could let you know when she was ready, but right now, mindlessly she let herself lean into your body. With an open heart, Abby allows herself to feel the warmth and comfort only you could provide. The soft feeling in her heart she’d never felt with anyone else.

Silently, you brought your eyes to connect with Dina’s before she dropped a not-so-subtle wink.

Dina was the one who convinced you to even go for it in the first place with Abby. You really didn’t want to pick on the dead carcass of her fall out with Owen, but it was clear to everyone just how much Abby cared for you. Dina was sure the braided blonde didn’t even know it herself at the time, but anyone with eyes could see.

All of it had been so easy, being with her was the most natural thing in the world. This right here; she’s the blueprint for what it’s supposed to be like. It helps she’s sweet on you, more than anyone has ever been. You wish you could look at her right now. The beanie was so goddamn cute on her. She looked too good with her bomber jacket, the one she offered to you insistently. Repeatedly because she knew how damn cold you are. But you’d prefer her cuddled up into your side — her body heat felt better than any coat could.

“Do you have the chocolate?” Abby asks sweetly and you hand it to her, and she breaks up a handful of bars as she places on top of the the graham crackers she pulled out of the bag. “Can you?” She lets the end of her sentence drag off, but you know exactly what she needs.

You lift your head from her shoulder, and she pouts at the disconnect.

“Why’d you move?” She brings her hand closer to her inner thigh and it’s when you feel the bulge concealed beneath her trousers. You don’t say anything — you don’t want to spoil the fun she clearly has planned. Although, it makes you feel heated. The intention behind it sent shivers down your spine, goosebumps spreading all over your skin.

“You’re being stubborn, Abs.” You huffed trying to pull your hand away, but her grip tightens.

Got it. Better not poke the bear.

“Just place it right there. I’ll remove it from the skew.” You listen to her, picking up the first one and placing it delicately on top of the chocolate, and you slowly pull it away as Abby looks you dead in the eye. Making s’mores feels more sensual than it should be, but maybe just being around her makes you feel this way.

It’s just her making the tingling feeling between your thighs reignite.

Abby’s hands are sticky from the roasted pillow of sweet, white substance stuck around her fingers. Her heavy-lidded eyes, look down at her fingers before looking back at you. She seemed to be in a daze, thinking of something else. You could guess exactly what Abby was thinking of.

“I would ask you to clean it for me if we were alone, but this will have to do.” She slides her forefinger and middle in her mouth, and god, you’re imagining it. Your mouth wrapped around her thick fingers, tongue circling around it as if it was her cock fucking your mouth. It got her off just as much as you did.

She liked to have you like this, completely and utterly under her control.

Abby pulls off with a hardly subtle pop, her lips are moist and fuck, her fingers are incredibly wet. You can practically feel your cunt purring at her, the throbbing insatiable as you’re looking at your pretty girl like she’s a slab of meat to be butchered and slaughtered. Really, you can’t help it.

The sex isn’t just good. It’s fucking amazing. Stupidly obvious in the way it just makes sense with Abby. She’s reminding you of it, as she gestures for you to pick up the second skew. Sticky fingers getting caught on the marshmallow again, cleaning it off with her mouth again. Breathy, quiet, moan slips out before you can catch it and she’s smirking so loudly you want to kiss it off her deeply cocky face.

“Hm, guess I can’t blame you for getting all hot and bothered. I know how much you love my fingers. Especially when they’re inside you, huh? Just a little bit of déjà vu from last week.” Abby teased lightly.

“You’re going to pay for this.” Threatening the blonde beauty as you grabbed the finished s’more, and she grabbed the other one.

“Am I?” Abby’s voice dropping an octave lower than how she usually talks. Trying to do her best to bring out all the stops to do her best to effectively ruin you.

The answer to her question is left open in the air, the two of you silently finishing off your s’mores, her hand still in yours. Abby doesn’t want to let go. Even wants to hold your hand on top of the blanket, for everyone to see, but she doesn’t want anyone to ruin the moment. She’ll take for this now, but knowingly will push for more for later. When you’re ready for it. It’s still fresh, new and she needs to learn to be patient even if it’s the last thing she wants to do.

This time Abby is leaning her head on your shoulder. She takes in your sweet sent, pine mixed with vanilla, and it intoxicates her. Owen is finally engaged somewhere else besides her. It’s a relief. To not feel his accusatory eyes on her. Abby doesn’t want to feel guilty about her affection towards you. You’re too lovely for this to be seen as anything but beautiful.

She won’t let anyone take this away from either one of you.

You engage in conversation with Ellie and Dina, they’re to the left of you where you and Abby are sat. Dina’s, making you laugh about something stupid Ellie did earlier this week. Ellie claims it’s not nearly as stupid as Dina makes it out to be, which only sends you and Dina through a tailspin.

It obviously was just as idiotic as it sounds, but what Dina says next brings Abby to full attention.

“Hey, were you going to call Leah back? She sounds pretty interested in seeing you.” Dina questions you, a smirk playing at her lips, and it makes you want to scream.

Fuck.

Dirty fucking Dina.

She played it off as coy, maybe Abby wouldn’t question Dina’s intentions, but she sure as hell would give yours a second thought. Ellie let a small chuckle, earning a death glare from Abby. It was painfully obvious to the couple the feelings you felt towards one another, but neither of you took steps towards making it official.

“Leah?” Abby questions, her grip on your hand tightens, afraid if she eased up, you might slip.

“Y-Yeah, just a girl I met at the work event I told you about.” You let out, trying to land the blow gently but it already had made its impact with Abby. There was nothing gentle about the knife she felt in her heart.

Abby’s jaw clenches too many times for you to count, her grip is cruel, and she won’t meet your eyes. She suddenly finds the flames in front of her incredibly interesting. Ember reflects from Abby’s eyes, they’re still blue, but icy as you try to find them, but she refuses.

You want to tell her it’s innocent. It doesn’t mean anything, and it really doesn’t. You felt stupidly insecure that night. Pleading Abby to come with you, but it was Owen’s birthday dinner, and she couldn’t make it. Felt like a horrible slap in the face for her to pick him over you even after the breakup. One cocktail turned into five and before you knew it, you put your number into a pretty girl’s phone. She danced with you, she flirted, and it felt nice to be someone’s priority, their full attention seated with you.

The night ended with a sweet kiss on the lips, a promise she would text, and you would call her. Leah made good on her promise, and you found yourself falling incredibly short of yours. Abby came over around midnight, it felt a punch to the gut to make time for you now but not before. Yet, you let her in even after how miserable and alone her actions made you feel.

All you see is her. Her lips and the voice you love. She makes the anger melt away as if she wasn’t the one to instigate it in the first place.

She apologizes for not taking you up on the offer. Her puppy eyes pleading for forgiveness. She has a tote full of goods which allow her to breach past your door. Chocolate covered strawberries, a bottle of your favorite red wine, the ingredients for your favorite dinner, and tempting lips you’ll know will have their way with you by the end of the night. Abby knows just as well as you do, both of you are fucked.

It’s the first time she stays over at your place, and it feels solidified. This could all end up in flames, with both of you burned, but somehow it feels worth the risk. The light glistens through the bedroom window as it shines on her eyes, the blue standing out as she looks on your sleeping form. Black sheet concealing your body from her. Then it’s almost like you know she’s watching you and your eyes open meeting hers.

Smiling softly, it reaches your eyes, and your head nuzzles into her chest, sighing contently. Before, your brain could excuse how you felt, but after that night, it had changed. You realized just how much Abby had wormed her way into your heart, into your soul – you didn’t wish for her to leave.

But it still didn’t negate what you felt, the fear of losing her to someone she might still be in love with. Yeah, so she did feel remorseful for picking him over you, it didn’t mean she still didn’t care about him. It was Abby – of course she did. Everything was still so new, there wasn’t enough foundation to land on, for either of you to be sure. You had to hope it was strong enough to support the two of you.

You felt lonely, and Abby wasn’t there to give you the comfort you needed so this was your way of lashing out without speaking to her about it. It was small, but the thought echoed and occupied all the space in your brain.

She’ll leave you for a man, they always do. How could this be any different?

Past experiences drawing the conclusion for you, instead of actually speaking with her about how you felt, leaving Dina to air out your dirty laundry.

Dina kept talking, but she changed the subject. Still, didn’t stop how tense Abby is. She refused to notice anyone, her focus trained on the flames in front of her, anger brewing beneath the surface. You were holding onto the fact she hadn’t let go of your hand. Maybe you could settle your strong headed, burly bear.

You’d seen a couple times just how protective she could be over you. The fact you were possibly entertaining someone else, besides her, stung.

Everyone else had funneled inside, but Abby stayed by your side. She still wouldn’t look at you. She was as stoic as you’d ever seen her. She still wouldn’t keep her eyes off the fire, it was dying out and it felt like there wasn’t much you could do but watch it with her.

Owen would get exactly what he wanted. Maybe the two of you would never even become a thing because of your fatal case of loneliness. It made you nauseous. He didn’t deserve her, but it seems neither did you.

“So, who’s this Leah?” Abby broke the silence, her voice cracking in the process. “A-And why didn’t you tell me about her?”

You bite on your bottom lip, tugging it so carelessly you could taste the iron.

“It’s not important. She’s not important.” You reassure, but it doesn’t offer Abby much comfort.

“Obviously she’s important enough for Dina to know about her and not me.” Abby bites, her tone colder than it ever has been directed towards you.

“It’s not what you think, Abs.” You pause, not wanting to lie to her. You can see the self-doubt swimming in her eyes, and you need to do your best and reassure her, nothing is going on. “It was before, you know, that night.”

“So, you were seeing her? Both of us at the same time.” She thinks it’s not even a question. She states it as if there is nothing to be found but truth. It feels like there is a blade in Abby’s back, one you put there yourself, but now she’s only feeling the wound.

“No, baby, will you just let me explain?” Abby nods, allowing you to continue.

This won’t break everything will it? You should have told her. It really was stupid not to, silently cursing at yourself.

You’re going to kill Dina for exposing you like this. Fuck. Damn the red wine and her loose lips.

“The night we were fighting about you coming as my plus one or going to Owen’s dinner? Do you remember that?” She nodded her head, waiting for you to continue. “Well, I sort of, met someone the same night. She gave me her number and we kissed.”

“Huh.” It was more bitter than contempt. Rage? You weren’t sure.

“You’re mad.” Abby’s jaw clenched; her grip was tight again. “I’m sorry, okay? In my head, you had abandoned me for him. I was lonely and hurt. I just wanted you there with me, yet you went with him, and it felt nice to have someone’s attention. It was stupid. I only did it because I felt like I didn’t have yours.”  

“Did, um, you ever see her after that?” Abby looked at you, finally. Her eyes begging for the answer she needed. Preparing for the worst but found herself hoping for the best.

“Abby?” You tilted your head to the side.

“What?”

“Do you really think I would?”

“I don’t know. I thought I was the only girl you were kissing.”

“Well…we do a little more than kiss.” You teased lightly, a smirk on your face.

“Stop being cute right now, it’s not fair.” The blonde pouts, upset she couldn’t stay upset. “I deserve to be angry right now.”

“Do you?” You leaned in closer, your breath kissing Abby’s face. “Last time I checked, I’m not your girlfriend.”

“Baby.” Abby whines, her frustration wasn’t holding. It never really did, but you did have a point. Neither of you had made this official, but Abby would argue it sure did feel like it.

“Look, I know we decided to keep things just been us, not really label it, because of your messy breakup with Owen. We were still trying to figure out what this was, and it was new and terrifying for you.” Your free hand found purchase on the end of her braid, tugging at the open strands, your thumb smoothing over it.

“I respected your decision and I’ve kept this between us. I mean, our friends do have eyes and it’s not like we’re exactly doing a good job of hiding it anymore.” You laughed softly and Abby was sporting a hint of a smile on her face.

 “That night when I spent time with Leah, I let my insecurities get the best of me. All I could think about was you and Owen. I had convinced myself you were getting back together with him, and this is why you had ditched me. It’s not an excuse, I should have told you about it, but what else am I supposed to believe?”

You took a deep breath, trying to control your emotions. You didn’t want to break down in front of her, but someone had to start this conversation. Abby sure wouldn’t. If it made you the bad guy, so be it.

“Even now, he’s still a concern. He looked like his head was going to blow off from pure despite. We’re still hiding. I can’t just sit here and pretend I’m okay with this anymore. I deserve to be with someone who can hold me hand in front of our friends.” You sighed, pulling away from her entirely, stepping towards the flames. It was time for the two of you to come to an end. It’d be better for the two of you, before either of you gets too invested and someone ends up really hurt. Sick and wretched filling gnawing at your heart, telling you it is already a little too late for that.

You love her, but you love yourself a little more. It’s not her fault, but your past girlfriends always burned you because of the ex-boyfriend. Broken promises of a future together until they crawled their way back to where they put themselves, back in the closet. The shame of liking girls, you, too much for them to bear.

Ending the same, your heart beaten to a pulp before you stitch yourself together again.

Abby hasn’t disagreed with anything you’ve said, making you believe she still holds a torch for him. The single thought alone makes you feel nauseous. Just being a placeholder, whether it be for Owen or someone else.

She stayed fucking quiet, and it only pissed you off.

This is it, the final nail in the coffin.

“Abby, I think we should put a pin in this. I-I’m sorry. I know you’ve apologized since that night, but I can’t see past him. Not if this isn’t going to become more. I need more than this.” You confessed to her, continuing to walk away from a still silent Abby.

It wasn’t fair how much you cared for her, possibly even love. Finding yourself choking on it and she seemed to be doing just fine with the thought of never having it again.

Maybe she was still in love with him after all. How fucking pathetic does this make you?

-

Abby was stoic the rest of the night. Owen noticed the space between the two of you and tried to use it to the best of his abilities once everyone was sitting around the couch, watching a classic Christmas film. The rest of the group was adding commentary when considered necessary, stuffing their mouth full of chocolate goodies and kettle corn. Trying but failing, you couldn’t focus on the movie. Not one bit.

All you could think about is how quiet she became, hands stuffed in her pocket as she watched you end things and didn’t pipe in once. It was clear you overestimated your importance to her. A rebound. A steppingstone. An experiment. You hated all of it. You hated thinking about it. All your fears about her came true and now you’d have to pick up the pieces alone.

She would go back with Owen. She’d never consider you an actual option. You would give her the whole world if she asked, but that was just it, she hadn’t. She wouldn’t. Not in the entirety of the four months you spent together. Abby was always trying to protect his feelings, but never considering she was shattering yours into tiny little pieces.

Making yourself scarce to the kitchen, Owen’s cocky smile and Abby’s avoidance to meet you in the eyes was allowing yourself to drown in self-depreciation. You couldn’t stand it. So, you chose the most delicious vice you could think of – chocolate covered strawberries.

It would do for now, until your heartache subsides, allowing yourself to get a grip on it. You were halfway into your fourth one when she walked in, of course she would. Fucking hell.

Your eyes trained on the food in front of you as you took another bite.

Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her. Don’t look at her.

She let you stand there in the cold, like a pathetic, lonely loser practically begging her to say anything and she stuffed her big, lovely hands in her jacket pockets and stayed silent. Abby doesn’t care, her conscious won’t let her be the one who’s hurt you. All she wants is to make amends; she doesn’t want you.

The seasonal depression has its tight hold on you, and Abby unwillingness to catch you, fuck, it makes you want to punch her stupidly gorgeous face. Who gave her the right to make you feel this way? Painfully, you see in your peripherals her hands twitching by her sides, standing in front of the door, at least supplying a barrier from everyone but you can see the uneasiness in her.

But you do look at her.

You wish you hadn’t.

Abby isn’t moving besides her hands; she’s shed herself of the coat and she’s in a sweater you bought for her with a chain around her neck that you also had gifted her on her birthday. It’s not fair to you how cozy she looks, how much you want to escape into her arms and welcome the comfort she would offer in a heartbeat. Her body runs like a human furnace.

You crave for her to tell you everything is going to be alright; you want her to reassure you with her lips on your temple, you want to bury your face in the crook of her neck and focus on her heartbeat. You’re still so damn cold, even in this heated house. Your body craves her comfort more than you want to admit, it’s become second nature.

Her hair is falling past her shoulders, beanie has been abandoned. Abby combs her fingers through her hair, giving them something to do because she’s almost certain she’s going to faint from seeing your pretty eyes glossed over. You’re drowning in something sweet, no doubt due to the bitter taste Abby left in your mouth.

It makes you even more uneasy the two of you were supposed to share a bed tonight. After everything, you didn’t trust yourself around her. Not one bit. Even if you were hurt, the second she put her arm around you, all anger would be thrown at the window. You didn’t want her to drive this late, it wasn’t safe. The roads were beginning to ice over and Abby hates driving at night. The only other room big enough for two was Owen’s and the thought made you want to puke all over him.

She finally spoke up and you were strangely thankful for it. You weren’t sure where your thoughts would’ve gone, resentment growing with them.

“I know you probably won’t believe me but I’m sorry. I should have asked you how you were feeling about all of it.” Abby apologized, but she hadn’t moved an inch. “I just thought…” She left you hanging, basically prying your lips open for a response.

“What?”

“There hasn’t been anyone else for me, okay? I-I don’t want anyone else.” She looked around the room, trying to focus her attention on anything else but your undivided attention. Her palms were sweating as she wiped them on her sweatpants. “Can I tell you something without you totally making fun of me for it?”

“I would never make fun of you, Abby. Not like this.” You offer a gentle smile, encouraging her. She knows now what she should’ve done before – fight for you.

Abby thinks it’s why you’re avoiding looking at her. She can see the wanting in your eyes. If you’re not looking closely enough it drowns in disappointment, but it’s still there. Abby recognizes the look; it’s how she looks at you. Disappointment can’t be found, but her love for you can.

The most perfect girl for her. Fuck, she’d found a way to ruin it.

You’re really the only person who puts up with her day-to-day shit and you don’t complain. You’re you about it. Incredibly graceful, sort of hurts Abby’s cheeks because it makes her smile so damn much. She’s taken advantage of your kindness, and she needs to make sure she does everything in her power to make amends.

“It’s okay, Abby. Whatever happens, you always have a safe space with me.” Reassuring her while biting into another strawberry.

You’re still so sweet. Fuck, Abby wants to kiss you, hard.

“I really believed I was in love with Owen, I care about him. He was there for me when shit hit the fan. Sometimes, I feel like I owe him because of it.” Abby took a breather as she stepped forward, but you stayed sitting on countertop.

“It’s not fair to you and it is sort of my fault he hates you so much. I just want to protect you from it, but I haven’t done a very good job. It’s really embarrassing for me to admit this.” Abby sighed as she stood in front of you, her big frame standing between your spread legs, a snug spot for her to fit into.

You tilted your head at her curiously. “Just tell me. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”

“It is.”

“Abby?” You questioned her, but still chose to be tight lipped. “If you want to fix this, I need you to talk.” The cocky attitude had evaporated from earlier, leaving you with one you usually got. The girl who was too afraid to kiss you on the first night. Arguably, you like this version of her a little more.

“I, um, so, I sort of kind of used to think of you when Owen and I used to have sex.”

“Um, okay? Is there a reason I need to know this?”

“Well, the reason I think he hates you so much, on top of me kind of being all over you all the time is….”

“Abby, if you don’t tell me right now, I swear to god.”

“Okay, okay.” Abby took a deep breath before she let the confession tumble from her lips. “Whenever we would, you know, I would always kind of sort of, call out your name instead of his.”  Abby mumbled, closing her eyes in shame.

“Baby….you’re kidding.” An itch to laugh bubbles, but you’re able to muffle your giggle enough.

“Would you, you know, not laugh at me.” Abby sighs. “See! This is why I didn’t want to tell you. It’s embarrassing.”

“I’m not laughing at you, it’s him. He couldn’t even fuck you good enough to get your poor, gay brain off of me, huh?” Abby let you tease her, your smile, an equal trade for her pride. Her hands glide along your thighs, igniting a fire beneath your skin.

Abby loses the hint of teasing when she responds, “Yes, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I never stop.” Abby took a step forward, your pelvis pressed and to her, legs latched around her toned waist.

“I’m supposed to be mad at you.” She leaned forward, peppering kisses along your neck, you're gripping onto the chain around her neck, your initial engraved on the pendant. Boy, does she make you want to forget about everything as her teeth latch lightly, giving you a playful bite before her tongue soothes over the ache.

“Abs, fuck um don’t you think we should talk first?” Your strong resolve from earlier fading into the tranquility of Abby’s comforting arms.

“Okay. Then, talk babygirl.” She continues to kiss your neck as your neck as you struggle to find your footing.

“I-I just, um, I need…” Subconsciously, your fingers dip into her blonde waves, tugging at the root slightly.

“C’mon, use your words. You did a pretty good job earlier you know, felt a little humiliated back there.”

“Really?”

“What?”

“Abby…It was Dina. I never would have brought Leah up like that. Truthfully? I wasn’t going to bring her up at all.” Abby frowned, lips pouting, clearly frustrated.

She was red, tense, and the jealousy in her gray hues burned bright. Carefully, her hands gripping on your thighs, giving them a light squeeze.

“I didn’t like hearing about another girl kissing you. Someone else who isn’t me…it pisses me off.” Abby sighed, look down at your sweats. “Not hearing it from you just made it so much worse for me.”

With the admission, you tugged her closer to you, resting your hands on her defined traps, caressing the nape of your neck.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have told you and I didn’t.” You tugged her closer, if it was even possible, letting the safety of her arms comfort you. “Dina just wants me to admit to you how I feel. It’s why she said it.”

Abby perked up at your confession, neatly placed in the palm of her hand.

“How do you feel?” She asked, cresting some distance between the two of you, pulling you out of the crook in her neck, a new home you’d taken residence.

“One condition…”

“Yeah?” You grasp her chin, tilting her head up slightly, grip tight.

“Next time we’re fighting, and I ask you to say something, you better speak next time or so help me god…” You trailed off but Abby couldn’t take it anymore. She had been dying to kiss you all night, since you’d done the service of your sweet, skilled mouth eating her out like you were personally starved.

“It’s cute, baby.”

“I was talking. Abby?” She silent as you wait for Abby to respond but she just cocks her head to the side, a smirk plastered on her face.

She leans in, whispering in your ear, “You can keep talking. Just let me return the favor from earlier.”

Abby doesn’t give you much time to respond before she’s removing your legs from around her waist, her pretty honey-blonde hair is thrown into a low bun in preparation as she offers her hand, and you take it as she helps you off the countertop.

Abby catches you, strong arm around your waist pulling your body against her.

“How does that sound? You, bossing me around and giving you a reminder of just why you put up with my bullshit. Yeah?” You come down to your natural height, Abby’s presence even more damning. It didn’t matter if she was taller or just a bit shorter than whoever she was around, the confidence she exhibited was fucking damning.

She’s so broad, big, and intimidating and she’s willing to sink to her knees for you. Abby licks her chapped lips until they become shiny and pink.

Fuck, she has to be doing it on purpose at this point.

You nod but she makes no movement to take this somewhere.

“First, tell me how you feel.” Abby rubs her thumb over your soft skin, caressing your cheek with a delicate touch. “C’mon, I mean I might know but I just need to hear it.”

“I just, I’ve been wanting for us to make it exclusive…just me and you. Tired of hiding, in front of our friends especially. I want you to be my girlfriend.” You admit sheepishly, eyes trained on the floor until Abby tilts your head vertically by gripping your chin.

“Baby, it’s all I want you. Jus’ you and I against the world. Yeah?” Abby’s lips mesh with yours, the fit is perfect as if your earlier problems hadn’t melted away.

They didn’t. They were still there, but you could work through them together. You and your girlfriend, against the world, together.

reblogs are appreciated! ♡

[cat3ch1sm]

Hello bb 😭💕 I've been such a huge fan of your work for ages now. I hope you are feeling better and taking care of yourself 🥺

If you are comfortable/want to, I was wondering if I could request some kind of nsfw perverted!hisoka x fem reader (the girl he's determined to make his) is now "coincidentally" stuck in a small space together 🤣 reader has avoided him bc she feels the same way but entirely embarrassed

If not pls ignore this request !

--kateaesthetic ✨️

🫖~ hello my love i missed u<33 im so so glad ur a fan, it means the actual world to me that i have supporters like you. here is your request, enjoy 💚💚

notice for my other followers- if you’ve sent me a request, im definitely working on it, i haven’t chosen to ignore any of your requests😭 it’s just i have a lot to work on outside and inside of this app, so it may take me some time. however, i really appreciate your patience, and i love you all endlessly and am so so grateful for your support.

*ೃ༄ nsfw ahead, perv hisoka😭, degradation, fem!reader˚◞♡ ⃗

“Alright, Y/N- thanks for staying so late,” your boss told you with a smile, which you returned politely. “Would you mind locking up the boutique for me? I’d do it myself it it wasn’t my little boy’s birthday, and I absolutely don’t want to miss it.”

“It’s no problem at all,” you assured her. “I hope your son has a wonderful birthday- but I’m sure it will be far more wonderful if you’re home on time! You’d better get going; I’ll be done in no time.”

“Thanks so much. The keys to lock up are on the counter beside the register. Have a great night, Y/N- see you tomorrow!” your boss called, and you waved as she went out the door.

You smiled to yourself. You were very fond of your boss; she’d never been unkind or unfair with you, so doing her this favor didn’t bother you in the slightest. Hanging up one of the dresses you’d been holding on the racks, you started to walk to the front of the dress shop to retrieve the keys.

Before you made it to the counter, though, you heard something that surprised you- the windchime dangling above the front doorframe suddenly made a gentle jingling sound- indicating that somebody had just walked in. You were perplexed upon hearing the noise- all of the lights were off in the building, so you couldn’t imagine why someone would enter. Then it occurred to you- perhaps your boss had just forgotten something. Yes, that’s what it had to be. Relaxing, you walked to the counter and picked up the keys before looking up.

“Oh, you’re back? Did you forget something?” you inquired, your gaze still focused on the keys beneath you, which were frustratingly getting tangled into one another. “I’d be happy to get it for you-“

When you finally looked up, though, you knew instantly that the dark figure who had just entered the shop wasn’t your boss. It was about a foot too tall, and even among the shadows you could tell the build was that of a man. Most notably, though, was the peak of hair that stretched above his head- seemingly defying gravity.

At first, you didn’t recognize the man, and found yourself even more confused. “Uh- sir?” you ventured, tilting your head and squinting your eyes at the figure. “We’re closed right now, but we reopen at 8 am tomorrow- perhaps you could return then?”

“Oh, but my dear- that’s far too late,” the man drawled, inching closer to the counter behind which you were standing, and with every step he took you could hear the clicking of heels on the marble floor. “Can’t you make an exception for me, sweetheart?”

You felt your heart skip a beat in your chest. Hisoka. He was the one who had been pursuing you for weeks, appearing around every corner you turned. And now, he’d managed to find you at your job.

Hisoka had made very clear his intentions with you a number of times- not quite bluntly, but in a manner that you couldn’t mistake. You, in return, had avoided him as much as you could- you simply couldn’t muster up the boldness and slyness that Hisoka possessed, and while you knew something deep inside you wanted Hisoka to want you, you were frankly just too embarrassed to admit it. Nobody had ever really wanted you the way Hisoka claimed to, and you didn’t know how to react.

“Hisoka.” It was all you could come up with. You absently picked up the keys, now disentangled, and habitually singled out the one that locked the closet in which the store kept the custom dress orders. “I… don’t think you should be here.” Quickly, you turned your back on him, already feeling heat rush to your face at his mere presence, and briskly walked over to the dress closet.

In the dark, you heard Hisoka chuckle lowly. “Ah, even in the dark, I can tell you’re blushing. You’re simply adorable.” His tone was amused, but you didn’t miss the familiar notes of ardor beneath his voice.

Throughly flustered, you thrust the key into the closet’s lock, turning it in the doorknob. You avoided turning to face Hisoka, and not knowing how else to escape, you rushed into the closet, brushing past the flouncing, poofy petticoats and the long, flowing skirts of the dresses inside. You retreated to the very back, up against the wall, stomach fluttering and hoping Hisoka didn’t see you.

“Hiding, are we?” Hisoka queried slyly, and you saw from behind a particularly fluffy dress his shadow come closer and closer to the closet door. “I just adore games like these.”

You startled as he entered the closet, his face now mostly visible in the dim light. Keeping your back pressed against the wall, you didn’t dare to even breathe, foolishly hoping that the magician would simply bore of your antics and be on his way. However, that wasn’t the case- and you were absolutely sure of this when Hisoka promptly shut the closet door behind him, locking the two of you inside.

Your eyes flew wide open with shock, a million thoughts racing through your head. Shit! I’m locked in. No- we’re locked in. Damn it- I’m locked in this closet with him. With Hisoka. Why didn’t I wait until after he was gone to lock the stupid door?

In your internal frenzy, you made a noise in the corner- instantly drawing the sharp stare of Hisoka. In no time, you felt his piercing yellow eyes burning into your face, and you knew you’d been spotted.

Your eyes rose higher and higher as Hisoka came closer. You didn’t want to look away from his face in case you missed something, but Hisoka only gave you that smirk that somehow made your knees weak whenever he did. Before you knew it, you were looking straight up into his gaze.

“Why do you even bother running from me, sweetheart?” Hisoka took your chin in his grasp, his clawlike nails barely scratching your skin, and lifted your head up to meet his eyes directly. “While I enjoy a good game of chase, you certainly didn’t think you were about to win, did you?”

For a few seconds, you were frozen, heart beating a million beats a minute and your lips sealed shut. Finally, though, you managed to speak. “Hisoka- what do you want?”

“Don’t play stupid.” Hisoka’s smile grew wider. “I believe you already know the answer to that, Y/N.”

Before you had a chance to react, Hisoka’s hand wrapped itself around your upper neck and pulled you into a gentle kiss. Instinctively, your eyes fluttered shut and you felt a blush spread across your face again, caught off guard by how soft it was. However, the surprisingly tender moment was disrupted when you felt a second hand slither around your waist, down your back, and eventually settle on your ass, giving it a playful squeeze.

You squeaked in surprise and pulled away from Hisoka, whose expression told you that he knew exactly what he was doing. “Hisoka!”

“My apologies, darling, I just couldn’t help myself.” An unapologetic grin spread across his face. “But I must add- you don’t seem to mind, my dear.”

Your body had betrayed you yet again- here you were, face hot and blushing like a fool. Embarrassed, you dropped your eyes down to the ground.

Above you, you heard Hisoka let out an amused chuckle. “Don’t be so shy, sweetheart- you’re just adorable when you look like this. It only makes me want to have you even more.”

Before you could respond, your lips were pressed into Hisoka’s again, one of his slender hands around your neck while the other took hold of the hem of your shirt and effortlessly tore it from your body; you felt as if the sound of the fabric ripping could be heard for miles. You allowed yourself to kiss Hisoka back for a few more seconds before pulling away.

“Take off your shirt.”

Hisoka’s thin eyebrows raised in surprise before his expression morphed into one of twisted delight. “So demanding…” he mused, golden eyes burning into yours before he complied with your demand, sliding his shirt over his head and tossing it carelessly to the floor.

For a moment you were in a daze, captivated by Hisoka’s glistening pale skin and his beyond impressive figure, a rippling 8-pack flowing down his abdomen and toned pecs and biceps protruding. It was only after Hisoka’s hands wrapped around your exposed waist and gently lowered your body and his to the ground that you snapped back into reality, the sensation of his lips on your neck and his hands slithering up your thighs suddenly overpowering.

“I’ve always imagined that I’d get you in this position one day, Y/N… but you’re even more inviting than I’d anticipated,” Hisoka hissed, running his tongue from your collarbone to the bottom tip of your ear. The soft warmth and wetness drew a gasp from you, and you felt Hisoka’s lips curl into a smile against your skin.

“Such a pretty sound, darling… be a good girl and make much more of those cute little moans for me, alright?”

You barely heard yourself murmur, “Alright,” before Hisoka nudged your bra straps off of your shoulders and began kissing down your chest. You allowed yourself to throw your head back, lewd gasps escaping your lips as Hisoka’s tongue teased your breasts, flicking each of your erect nipples and circling around the skin softly. Then, moving his head down your abdomen, he took hold of one of your breasts in his head, gripping it tightly as he licked a hot, wet trail from just above your bellybutton to in between your breasts, deriving an unhealthy amount of pleasure from the equally surprised yet passionate moan you emitted. One of your hands came down to tangle itself in Hisoka’s multicolored hair, silently urging him to keep going.

Hisoka obliged, and you felt some control slip away from him, his touch growing rougher and more ravenous as his fingers came down to your legs, dancing up your thigh and slipping beneath your skirt but stopping just before brushing your dripping opening.

“It’s a good thing you wore this cute little skirt for me today, huh, sweetheart? I can already sense how wet you are for me.”

Having his hands so close to where you needed them most but not quite there yet was torture, and you knew Hisoka could tell by the ragged way you were breathing. “Hisoka- please stop teasing me…”

Hisoka made a mock pout at your pitiful demeanor. “Aw, so needy already? You’re dirtier than I thought, my dear.” He flipped up the hem of your skirt, revealing your darkened panties and making you shudder. “But don’t be embarrassed- it’s cute.”

Hisoka finally inched his fingers up higher, running the tip of his sharp nail down your covered slit and making you groan, arching up into his touch. He allowed himself another satisfied chuckle before tugging your panties aside and rubbing the pad of his thumb along your wet entrance, moistening his finger before he began rubbing your clit in circular motions- slowly at first, but gradually picking up speed.

“Ah- mm, Hisoka,” you moaned, thrusting your lower half into his fingers. Hisoka simply pushed his middle finger into your entrance, drawing a long, pathetic whine from you as the sensation of his finger inside of you took over your body.

“Oh, Y/N- I’ve only just started using my fingers and you’re already shaking,” Hisoka remarked coyly, slowly moving his finger back and forth inside of you, silencing you whenever you tried to say something with a broken cry. “How long has it been since your needs were satisfied, dear?” he mused to himself, pretending to be deep in thought. “Seemingly far too long, yes? Especially for you to be behaving the way you are, already such a filthy whore beneath my fingers.”

Your face flushed for what had to be the thousandth time tonight. “I’m not a who- ah! Fuck- fuck, Hisoka-“

“You’re not doing a good job of proving it, sweetheart,” Hisoka teased, two fingers now pumping inside of your hole while his thumb continued to trace your swollen, sensitive clit.

“Shut up,” you managed breathlessly, the pleasure building up both within your clit and your vagina and rendering you unable to speak properly.

Hisoka laughed and took his thumb from your clit, eliciting a displeasured cry from you, but it was quickly replaced with his tongue, flicking back and forth in rapid movements along your clit. The noise that it drew from you could only be described as a scream, and Hisoka kept it up for a little while longer, relishing in your shrieks before promptly sitting up, removing his fingers and mouth from your sex.

You were dismayed, about to ask why Hisoka had pulled away, when you lifted your head and noticed the straining tent in his pants as well as the almost frightening lust in his eyes, running up and down your body hungrily. Wordlessly, he stood up, slipped out of his pants and boxers, and bent back down to your quivering form on the floor.

Hisoka was quite an impressive size- you almost felt obliged to look away, but Hisoka’s hand came up to cup your jawline and forced your face towards him before releasing you, your eyes wide.

“Don’t get nervous now, dear. I want you to see exactly what I’m going to do with you.”

You could only watch, aching and sensitive and anticipating as Hisoka positioned himself at your dripping hole, the tip of his dick at your entrance making you quiver before he pushed himself inside of you, every inch he forced inside of your body eliciting a broken whimper from you. Hisoka’s face tightened ever so slightly as he entered you, but once he was settled and began rocking his hips against you, an borderline sinister smile graced his lips.

“How I’ve fantasized of this moment, my dear,” Hisoka purred, eyes fixated on your face as your eyes rolled back into your head with every movement he made, lips parted in silent ecstasy. His next words, though, were lost on you.

“Such a pretty, useless thing. Surely you didn’t believe I truly desired you, sweetheart. But even so- you’re mine.”

[goldenretriever-nicknelson]

Story of Us [P.P]

A/n: I don't know how I wrote this but I actually managed to before I went back to Uni and I'm so proud of myself! This is very angsty and lets just say I'm sorry. Yes it's based off of one of my favourite Taylor Swift songs.

Peter and reader are older but nwh didn't happen.

Pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Stark!reader

WC: 2.2k

Warnings: angst, lots of angst, mentions of grief, implied mental health issues, (brief) detail and mention of SA (drunk guy tries to hook up with reader who doesn’t want to), breakup, some violence (punching), implied sexual themes, underage drinking - if there's anything I've forgotten let me know!

“You and Peter are so lucky.”

“Imagine finding your soulmate so early on.” 

“You two will have beautiful kids.” 

The words that others had spoken about you over the past year echoed in your ear. Compliments about you and Peter being the best couple, that you were going to save the universe together one day. Yet here you were alone, travelling to the annual Avengers New Years party. 

And it was all your fault. 

You had almost chickened out of going at all, wanting to spend another day in your sweatpants eating through leftover Christmas food. The Avengers and Peter’s aunt May hadn’t wanted you to spend Christmas alone so they had invited you over, sent food and facetimed you trying to encourage you to participate in the holiday spirit. Usually Peter was enough to bring you joy even when you were just friends but even he wasn’t there anymore. 

How could you enjoy any festivities without the one man who had been there through everything, supported you and protected you? Tony was gone and now Peter was too. You were fed up with losing everyone so you’d stayed well out of everyone’s way. If you weren’t close to anyone, you couldn’t lose them. 

May had scheduled sessions for you with a therapist in the New Year, the same one she had seen after the blip and after her husband had passed. She had offered to drive you herself too. Most people might find it awkward to stay in contact with your ex’s family but May had always treated you like her own especially after Tony died and you had always been grateful to her as she had been to you for looking after Peter. 

The driver of your taxi announced you had arrived and you were pulled out of your trance, your eyes drawn to the Avengers compound that was decorated in bright lights and Christmas decorations. At least they had still continued with tradition. 

You took a deep breath as you exited the car, ironing down your dress once more with your hands and putting a smile on your face, however fake it may be. The music was playing loudly as you came closer to the building joined with the chorus of laughter and cheer. 

Your heart sank as you spotted the statute of Tony and Natasha they had built. Engraved below read “The real heroes, forever remembered”. You fought back your tears and shook your head, walking in and putting your smile back on. 

All you had to do was stay until midnight and then you could make a swift exit. That had been the plan anyway and then you had seen him. 

Peter Parker. Your ex boyfriend and love of your life, laughing away with Sam and Bucky and smiling wide. His brown curls looked messy as if his hair had been ruffled several times and no doubt by the duo that was standing in front of him. He was wearing his usual party shirt, the same one you had drunkenly cried on many times and the one he had kissed you in when the clock struck midnight this time last year. 

The room was crowded and yet his eyes still managed to find yours across the sea of drunken people. His smile fell ever so slightly but there was a kindness in his eyes as he looked at you and you could tell he was as nervous as you. 

You quickly looked away and went to the kitchen to make yourself a drink. Even though you were underage, no thanks to the blip, a little alcohol wouldn’t hurt. Dutch courage, as your Dad would say. 

The first shot of alcohol had just gone down when someone was pulling the empty shot glass away from you. “Hey! Hey!” 

You sighed and turned around to see no one other than Doctor Strange himself chastising you for underage drinking. 

“This is reserved for the adults.” Strange sighed and vanished the bottle of alcohol through a portal to another room. 

“Do you ever stop being a killjoy?” You crossed your arms and glared at him in true Stark fashion, noticing Peter walking over from the corner of your eye and getting nervous again. 

“With you and Peter drinking underage, I might just celebrate the new year in another universe. Less stressful when you’re made of paint.” Strange gave an amused smile at his own joke and started to walk away, leaving Peter headed straight for you. 

Your heart picked up its pace, threatening to explode as Peter’s eyes met yours. His honey brown eyes almost drew you in but you couldn’t give in. You quickly pretended that someone else had caught your attention and darted out of the kitchen, heading for your old room. 

“Hey pretty girl.” 

A stranger, a little bit older than you, stopped you in your path and grabbed your arm. He was tall with dark hair, eyes the same colour as Peter’s but nowhere near as intoxicating or warm. You recognised him from when he would sometimes work with the Avengers. His jacket had the classic SHIELD logo and you scoffed. 

“Either you’re in fancy dress or you’re really bad at being a covert agent.” You pushed him off of you and laughed but the agent guy wasn’t having any of it. He cornered you near the bathroom and placed his hand on the wall by the side of your face, trapping you as he inched closer. You smelt alcohol on his breath and the way he was looking at you sickened you to your stomach. 

“The famous Y/n Stark, complete with the wit to match the name.” He smirked and went to touch your face but you moved your head away, ready to put your fighting skills to the test. Natasha had taught you some things during your initial training to become an Avenger before the world went to shit and half the population disappeared. 

“Yeah well I better get back-” You tried to push past him but he kept you trapped, cutting you off from speaking. You froze as his free hand wrapped around your waist, trying to pull you into him. You knew you should have fought back but you couldn’t. 

You told him to stop, pushing him away and threatening him but nothing seemed to deter him. That was until someone ran and tackled him to the floor, punching him with fast reflexes and super strength. You recognised that head of curls from anywhere. 

Peter got up after making sure the other guy wasn’t getting up anytime soon and quickly came over to you. A worried expression on his face as he reached out to held you before hesitating and withdrawing back. 

“A-are you okay?” 

You nodded and took a deep breath, noticing that some of the partygoers had now noticed what was going on. Sam and Bucky made sure the guy was thrown out and reported whilst insisting you go with Peter to get a drink and sit down. 

Peter made you a hot cocoa and sat down with you in a room on the other end of the compound, wrapping a blanket around you which you soon realised looked familiar. On the wall were Star Wars and Sci-Fi posters along with some selfies taken by Peter. This was his old room when he had first joined the Avengers. Tony kept it for him even when he declined his offer so that Peter would always have a place to stay if he needed it. 

You didn’t even notice you were crying until Peter handed you a tissue and rested a hand on your arm. You appreciated the gesture and wiped your eyes, not even caring if it smeared your makeup. You knew what Peter must have been thinking and honestly it was still what you were questioning yourself. 

“I couldn’t fight back.”

Peter looked at you and raised a brow but he didn’t say anything he just listened. You told him what had happened and how terrified you had been. You felt like you had let Tony down, he always told you to fight back and you couldn’t even do that when you needed to. 

“Hey. You didn’t let anyone down. It’s okay to be scared.” Peter tried to reassure you, taking your hand into his and squeezing. A technique he had learnt over time that made you feel safe and calm. 

You sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in your throat. The moment you had been dreading since you had arrived had dawned on you without any warning. You were unprepared and scared again but you knew Peter, he would never hurt you. 

Silence filled the room, the only sound was the music from the party and the laughter from people who were having fun. You sighed and looked down at your hands, remembering that cold September night when everything finally caught up to you, the loss and the heartbreak,  and Peter had been the one to suffer. 

“I’m sorry.” 

The words that had been on your tongue for so long, threatening to spill every time you saw him or May and yet never being able to speak them into existence. It was only two words but the meaning held so much more. 

Peter didn’t reply for a moment and instead wrapped his arms around you, just holding you as you let yourself cry onto his shoulder. He rubbed your back and played with your hair, humming the song you and him shared a love for. You could smell his cologne and feel the softness of his shirt, noticing that he had a cut by his shoulder that he had evidently tried to heal himself. It was almost as if nothing had changed. 

“I’m sorry too.” 

His words caused you to look up at him in surprise, your heart once again racing as you met his gaze. His eyes were watering and he looked sad, more broken than you had ever seen him. 

“I shouldn’t have let go. I should have held onto you and helped you even when you pushed me away but I-I couldn’t do it. I was hurting too.” Peter’s words were full of pain and sorrow, your heart breaking as you heard them. You had spent so much time wrapped up in your own pain and pity that you hadn’t even seen Peter’s. 

You realised you didn’t have to go through it alone after all and that Peter was just as afraid of losing you as you were of losing him. 

Your lips met Peter’s before he could ramble anymore, the small bit of dutch courage you had that pushed you to make an impulsive decision. His lips tasted just as you remembered them, sweet and like home but with a tint of alcohol mixed onto them. 

Peter hummed in surprise, his eyes widening before kissing you back. Both of you settled into a familiar rhythm of lips moving against each other as the rest of the world faded away. You were reminded of the times you had spent sneaking in here as a teenager after Peter had come back from a mission and healing him with your touch. You had thought you had been smart but your Dad had always known even the things you didn’t want him to know, thanks to Peter being loud in the bedroom. 

“Y/n,” Peter pulled back and cupped your face in his hands, worry still evident on his face. “You just went through an ordeal, we don’t have to-” 

“Peter.” You smiled kindly at him, the first real smile you had felt in a while as you held him close and nuzzled your nose against his. “I want to because I love you and I wasted all this time trying to push you away when all I needed was to have you here, with me.” 

The smile that lit up Peter’s face was enough to make your heart race from pure joy as he held you close and kissed you one more time. In the background the sound of a countdown had begun, counting down the seconds till the new year would begin. 

“I love you too by the way.” Peter interrupted, his cheeks burning scarlet as you kissed over his face and neck. You giggled and shook your head at how dorky Peter could be. 

“I never stopped.” Your eyes met his again as he spoke and the sincerity in his gaze made you pause. You had never met anybody quite like Peter and you were sure you never would. 

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6!” 

“Neither did I.” 

Both of you smiled as you cuddled close, enjoying every moment that you had and determined not to waste another. You remembered fondly all the times that the Avengers team and your friends had tried to set you and Peter up, placing you together on missions and being the only two left when the study group or team briefing got cancelled. 

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1!” 

“Happy new year!” You chimed in with the rest of the party but only as a shared whisper between you and Peter. He returned the sentiment with a new years kiss just like the year before but this time there was more love and passion behind it, behind the closed doors of Peter’s old room. 

The polaroid picture that May had snapped of you both asleep in each other's arms that night soon took pride and place in Peter’s room. That was until you moved in together and had a whole canvas filled with photos of the both of you including your wedding photos.

Taglist (join here): @farfrombarnes @marvel-lock @parkerpeter24

Moots: @the-girl-in-the-chair @glowunderthemoon @spideyspeaches @seolaseoul

[misc-obeyme]

CC I'M SO EXCITED, I FINALLY GOT ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO COMMISSION THINGS FROM PEOPLE (it's like three different people AJDJWJF)

but the prices are good, two of the people needed it for emergency money so it was a good push to bite the bullet and message them. I'm so happy, I'm gonna have art of me and Mammon (and one is gonna be a sketch page of me, mammon, and a friend who also likes obey me). Also i lost my drawing streak, but I just drew a bunch of random poses today for fun, so it makes up lmaoo.

anyway I am here to ramble about the job my mc/I would have in the Devildom! definitely got roped into working at the bunny cafe for one (1) shift with Mammon (the daily chat is what gave me this idea).

Not sure how the cafe works, but in the anime, Beel is working the bar lolol. So I always imagined it as a bar with some food, and you could request certain servers by paying extra, and obviously give them carrots or tips. Like a mix between a maid cafe and a club I suppose is what I'm thinking?? (...Hooters? I've never been)

anyway I totally got coerced bullied into working a shift (I am always caving when it comes to Mammon </3). And my anxiety is terrible, I CANNOT talk to people (it's a wonder how I'm a manager), so I'd definitely stick to bussing tables and helping run super big orders with one of the guys. Maybe even have Beel teach me to make some drinks, because that seems really fun. Basically completely avoiding any kind of one on one service.

And I think there's been chats or devilgrams about mc gaining popularity and having a fan club, so imagine all these patrons requesting me, and the owner has to be like "unfortunately - no." And then someone is like, "I'll pay an extra $100 just to have her" and that's when the owner decides to ask if I'd be willing. Because it doesn't hurt to ask, right?

And I'm like, "Ha! I'd do it for $250", and like, I say it as a joke, but imagine Mammon overhears everything. He'd drag me to the table and say my price, and to everyone's surprise, the demon agrees to pay. Now everyone is like 👁️👁️ interesting.

and now I'm suddenly serving a random demon, and I'm nervous as hell (HA), and I'd honestly spill their drink or something on them. The bill comes, come to find they tipped way over 20%, and wrote a note about hoping to have me again. Now I've singlehandedly paid back a big chunk of Mammon's debt.

now THAT would change my mind real quick. I would do anything for money, I'm so easily convinced 💀 like imagine how much cash I could make in one shift. Anxiety who ??

It ends up becoming a part time gig, and I become the owner's favorite. I learn the bar for fun, and can be requested as a server for a big fee. I'd like to imagine Mammon works extra hard to earn the owner's favor and begs to work the same shifts as me (little does he know I request to work with him bc he makes me feel safe, especially if people get way too drunk)

I've literally brainstormed about this so much, and I've still got more ideas rattling in my brain, SORRY IT GOT SO LONG AAA

- ✨ anon

WOOO!! Congrats, ✨ anon! You are braver than I lol! I've been trying to work up the courage for months, but I keep talking myself out of it. Mostly because I want to commission art of my OCs and I feel absolutely ridiculous asking someone to please spend hours drawing this silly guy from my head lol. It's a me problem, I'll get over it one day. Anyway, I'm sure your commissions will turn out amazing! I hope you enjoy them!

OMG what but I love this idea!! Listen, I have the social anxiety, too (it's so bad wow), so I get it. But I looove that you've got things that help you work this job despite that! Mammon and Beel to count on when you need support and of course the motivation of just... making money!

And it's so sweet that you're making the money to help cover Mammon's debts. And I love that both of you are like... requesting to work together and the other person is unaware of it. That's adorable!

I'm always going to recommend writing your ideas down! It doesn't have to be story-style, sometimes just getting them out of your head in some form really makes a big difference! Especially if it's something you've never told anyone or written down before. Forcing yourself to articulate ideas in a way that would make sense to someone else (even if no one else ever sees it) really helps to make ideas more solid. Then you can expound on them even more! It's a never ending cycle for me lol.

Anyway, I love all of this, I think it's fantastic.

For my part, I'd absolutely be bunny-ing it up at the bar with Beel. I like the idea of him making Devildom drinks and MC making human world ones. The demons that are willing to pay top dollar for MC to wait on them are also willing to pay top dollar for MC's authentic human world drinks! Now you're really rolling in the Grimm!

[winter-spark]

I know that after those 2 small Madoka thoughts I had I said I'd stay in my lane but my film/media brain is like "hey hey hey remember that "cool" thought you had?" So. Even though Chikage is still not my lane, my film brain wants to discuss the neatness/niftyness/cleverness (idk which word I'm looking for) of Act 8 & the slight step further it could've been pushed, in reference to Act 5 of course. Besides if the Zafran princes are my lane(I'm kinda forcing myself on them actually, I'm probably not the best person to claim them but here we are), and Citron is both a Zafran Prince & in Spring Troupe and Chikage is in Spring Troupe, Chikage is my lane adjacent. Still though if I say something that makes you go "well actually" please ignore me. Let me have 0 notes due to being wrong about something, it's okay. Really.

TABLE OF CONTENTS:

Act 5 (Chikage's storyline) recap - Paragraph 1 Act 8 (Zafra storyline) "mini" recap -Paragraph 2 Cleverness - Paragraph 4 The Potential Push - Paragraphs 5-8 Conclusion - Paragraph 9 Too long, didn't read: I like the parallel between Chikage's abducting to destroy in Act 5, & rescuing to protect in Act 8. As a film major I feel the rescue coulda been used to move his relationships forward in a way had there been any (realistic) animosity/hesitance lingering.

So as we all may or may not (idk) know, in Act 5 Chikage infiltrates Mankai by being let in through the front door(he's undercover shush!) and sees how Mankai is one big happy family. Feeling betrayed by Hisoka/having some misinformation he decides to get his revenge: Hisoka entered then ruined his happy family (and abandoned him), so he would do the same to Hisoka. In this he comes up with a simple Preminger plan: Izumi, the center of Mankai, goes missing, Mankai disbands. (This plan would've worked best if he snatched up Sakuya alongwith Sakyo &/or Isuke too, just saying. Those four are the reason Mankai stands today. Fact. But also imagine them having to navigate the coleads, director, financer and manager mia, woulda been harder to pull off and come back from but Mankai woulda been a mess) So he kidnaps Izumi, Hisoka comes to save & reconcile, they all go home. Izumi lies for Chikage, Chikage later shares that he actually did abducted her(without reasoning as to why ehich leaves open a bit of skepticism but yada yada we get the point).

In Act 8, (let's see how quick I can give the setup), Guy comes and reveals Citron is next in line for the throne and that there are some others who support his brothers being next in line and of them there are extremists(every cause has some extremists am I right or am I right?), Citron knowing Chikage got the capabilities to make people disappear w/out a trace asks Chikage to help him dip for Zafra early w/out Guy (also remind me to write about Citron's "selfishness"(there's a different word I'm thinking of but this'll have to do) pls I have thoughts); Mankai first begrudgingly accepts this but then they're like "No! Who broke it?" and head down to Zafra to get an explanation from Citron 'cause "dude what the heck?" They make it just in time to find out about a plot to keep him from ascending to the throne and that he's been kidnapped. Here Chikage steps up to the plate to find and save Citron from being kidnapped.(Itaru goes too but we're not here to talk about how he was prepped to die to save his wife<3, gosh I love love). (Kinda lengthy but I can't help making side notes & jokes lol)

So now that I've said a whole lot of nothimg, let's discuss the cleverness and how it could've been pushed.

Of course you've probably caught onto the cleverness yourself, a person who once abducted someone before a big event now is rescuing someone kidnapped before a big event. He is actively working in another person's best interest and to help sustain a family rather than aim to cause one to crumble out of his own desires of revenge. Of course, he vowed to protect the Mankai family at the end of Act 5, the parallel itself is still neat. And there's double the families he's sustaining in saving Citron here because not only is he saving a member Mankai/Spring Troupe's family but also of the Zafran royal family (why don't they have a last name >~<; that's so long winded), which allows a place for there to be a return after their punishment for suresies because if it had gone worse...

So now that that's been addressed how can this have been pushed further. Well. It could've been Chikage proving how much he's grown to care for and how much he means it when he says that he is devoted to protecting Mankai, which it kinda was in a bit of a less stated way. But also! While A3! is a clever series with compelling characters and storylines, there are some aspects that fall a little flat in the realism department at times, if they commited to being a bit more realistic w/ certain forgiveness storylines, this would've been a great moment for someone to feel more open to trusting Chikage. Like especially w/ him already being concerned about Mankai being upset with him for agreeing to & succeding to send off Citron. If it was like "man I'm still walking on eggshells a bit because even though people are nice to me and accept me they still don't fully trust/like me, I'm so not going to be increasing my score w/ any of them this way" and then him actively going to save and succeding in saving a cherished member of Mankai, with complete resolve and trying to keep everyone safe. That's something that could've really been something. Like not to say it wasn't anything or anything, just like it could have been a shift in the story. Like they love Chikage but do they trust him? They don't have much of choice. Obviously this can only be properly done with characters who would have animosity, coulda been there, and if it was something mentioned between the two points but yea.

(Reminder: my "lane" is the Zafran Princes so if I say anything inaccurate to any other character they're not my lane. (my current tag for them (tho I am considering changing it) is "Citron & his brothers" if you want to see anything I've said about them. (here's a good place to start, me thinks)(yea pretty shameless self promo but eh) I'm kinda dumb and know nothing tho so idk if any of it's at all good or something you'd agree w/ but I feel alright about the stuff I've said lol). I'm not a great writer or anything but I think if they had decided to take that route the best Spring Troupe options for that kinda dynamic woulda been Masumi or maybe Tsuzuru. (Had to choose Spring Troupe to go along with the setup that's already there, any other troupe and I might have to change big story details & that's not the goal here, the goal is elevating what's already there) Why these two? Well I'm less sold on Tsuzuru but I feel like he has more realistic and negative-leaning views sometimes, like he feels like a person who feels like he might stay cautious about a person who's done some shady things. Masumi other the hand is already a bit less of a people person, has he grown alot already yes, however, he is still someone who very much (haha kinda like Chikage) has a strong desire to protect those important to him and Chikage litterally abducted Izumi who was dire in Masumi being able to connect with more people and have those he wants to protect and do things for and she's at the top of that list of people. Sure she doesn't hold anything against Chikage but she's Izumi. She's a very caring and forgiving person. I could see someone like Masumi being a bit on gaurd and skeptical partly on her behalf.

I'm sure it'd be a little harder to pull off with what the situation was but I do think it's plausible & do-able. I mean, if I recall correctly, at this point most of Mankai are unaware why Chikage kidnapped Izumi in the first place(I think Hisoka, Izumi, and sorta the rest of Winter Troupe and Sakuya knew around the time it happened) so if one of them(not the ones I just specified) were somewhat weary of him it could make sense, I think reasoning is something that I can see being important to Masumi and Tsuzuru and that's something Chikage didn't divulge, so it feels like Chikage did it for "no reason". Though I do want to say I think if we took one if these routes reasoning would be important to them in different ways. Tsuzuru would be more mentally like but what was the reason tho, while Masumi would think less about that he didn't give his reasoning and compartmentalize it as no good reason as he had his chance to explain but didn't, which I wanted to bring up because because imagine with me if you please, Masumi accepting Chikage being around but lowkey not fully trusting him bcause he clearly had no good reason for abducting Izumi. Chikage plays vital role in rescuing Citron maybe he is okay to trust a bit more and maybe (flashfoward to Magician's Pure Love) Masumi can hear out what reason Chikage had for his actions, because maybe even if it was wrong and something he shouldn't have done, maybe he does have a reason. (See I'm tying things together)

My only hesitance really being the comparison of how important Izumi and Citron are to this character (because they're the ones in the situation not the weary character) but it simultaneously makes me want to hit floor it because they're equally important. Or something. Idk honestly. Just, i it was Masumi for this route I could see that being a nice reminder he cherishes his whole family. (I know Act 5 kinda already is that but I'm just throwing paint at the wall okay? This is only my lane adjacent.) I guess while I'm here let's discuss why not Izumi or Citron being the person for this to drive the relationship forward. Well. I think even if Izumi reasonably had a small fear of or discomfort with Chikage after Act 5 she would actively be workimg herself to getting over it. For it to be something to drive their relationship it would definitely have to be a thing between the two of them. Meanwhile, Citron literally trusted Chikage to keep his secret that he was leaving early and help him do so. I think they're in an okay place.

So yea, maybe this whole idea is dumb or too movie or something, Idk I have film major brain, but it's something I think about sometimes(not as much as I laid out here but the concept). Like obviously in part the rescue's probably partially there with something similar to that in mind but like instead it's to prove Chikage to the viewers rather than to Mankai, however I also think that it's okay in media to make characters have to work for people(read: other characters) to forgive and/or be comfortable around them. Like sure sure some people will forgive you pretty early on and water under the bridge and all that stuff. And some people won't mind being around you. But some people might be completely unaware as to how much they subconciously don't trust you. Some might be like okay we're cool but we're not cool. For some people all this depends on how well they feel they know/understand you and which actions they've seen to help determine your character to them, you know? And I like complicated/layered/complex dynamics and relationships, so I personally woulda found it neat to have something like that within the story. But who am I lol

[sherrymagic]

For the QL asks: 5, 18 & 20. Thank you! 💜💜

thank you so much Jane for these, had a lot of fun (especially with number 18, was hoping someone would ask for that one aaaaa) 🩷

5. Who is the Asian ql villain you most love to hate?

one of the very few villains that i actually hate, and i love to hate him because he makes sense, he feels like he's well written, nuanced in his story villain nature, and that's what makes the hate so strong and real. i can see what he's doing and why and he still manages to surprise me with his behavior while still totally seeing where it's coming from, so i can hate him for the reasons i love to hate on a character for. also Mek is hot and funny which helps with the love part of this hdbsnsm

18. You get to pick a side character from two different qls to put in a show as a main pairing--who are you choosing and what kind of story is it?

had at least 4 options here but i'll keep the others in case anyone else asks for this question and i choose to go with a gl crackship that's totally not based on the way my souls craves for a CiizeEarn pairing in a lesbian romcom

SOOOO i would love for Charoen to finally get rid of Ton's obnoxious presence and go to a college fair where surprise suprise there's this girl that she initially mistakes for her friend's sister Alpha because they look so much alike (always hated the doppelganger trope but this is different because i say so) but quickly realizes it's not her. Charoen wants to choose a practical major or maybe religious/esoteric related one with the thought of following up her own family's footsteps but finds it hard to leave the art stand being somewhat enchanted by Fai's presence. the two of them end up talking at the end of the fair and Charoen expresses interest in the art major despite never taking it into proper consideration before. time goes by and she doesn't really see Fai again but she keeps often resurfacing in her mind until she starts college herself and despoite going for some other faculty she still chose the same university just because she wanted to geta chance to see her again. they actually do meet again and Fai is very busy with third year stuff and always tired but still manages to give her her support every time they meet. Charoen ends up signing up for some art related club that Fai is hosting at university, they spend more and more time together for some project related to decorating the uni or making a mural or something, the point is whatever this club is doing should lead to the gl version of the Elu (Skam France) paint scene. for reference, this is what i'm talking about:

lesbians making out covered in paint, can you imagine that?? no clear idea about the conflict but canon 23.5 told us Charoen is in the bi/pan spectrum while Fai so far had no indication reguarding not being straight, so there could be either family drama or gay crisis involved. all i know it's romcom shaped with some angsty but not too heavy parts, girls being pretty criers, fights on empty streets at night, almost breakup, and super happy ending. meaningful cameos of 23.5 and We Are characters are well accepted in this imaginary show.

20. We are retelling your favorite Asian ql from the POV of a side character--who is taking over the story and what do they have to say about the mains?

this one is hard because i don't even know which one my fave would be? the one i would ove the most to be retold in another character's perspective would be Only Friends but i wouldn't call that one a fave of mine lmao. so of the ones within my faves list... Not Me would be interesting from my favorite bitch boy Todd's pov, for the way the show was built i've always felt like they could have showed and say more about him. a ToddBlack past romance that the main characters from the original show never knew about would also fit. the novel isn't really helping with forming an idea here because reading that one revealed that the show surprisingly did a lot of things better queer erasure aside so... i'm leaving this at that bsdsnskd

— Asian QL Ask Game ♡

[animesimp93]

I actively write and share this story on AO3 but I’m curious to see how it’ll do here. If you like the story, please go support me on AO3 under the surname of ‘animesimp93’ as I an much more active on there. So please enjoy the first part of this ongoing story

Placebo

Summary: Being offered one of her absolute dream jobs, Y/N quickly accepts the offer. Even if she’s just a very low paid intern, she’s now working at the JYP building as a low paid, and even lower level intern. Her dream of one day meeting the group she idolizes more than anything else, Stray Kids, might just come true. After working at the company for a couple weeks, she hasn’t once seen them. Still not giving up hope, she continues to come into work each and every day. One night while staying late and cleaning one of the larger practice rooms, an all too familiar person finds her and introduces himself and thus, their relationship begins from the night onwards.

This story is a work of pure fiction and should be viewed as such. I own no rights to the characters portrayed in this work of fiction, however the story itself is mine. Reader discretion is advised as there will be heavy sexual and explicit content.

Story categories include but not limited to: smut, fluff, consensual intercourse, dominate behaviors from Christopher, slice of life, Trigger warning: implied suicide mentioned later on

Chapter 1

“They’re doing fantastic aren’t they?”

I glanced away from the stage towards the voice that came from behind me and smiled. It was their manager, Min, his face beaming with pride as he glanced out at the guys. “They’ve really worked incredibly hard to get to this point.”

I looked back out towards all of them and could feel the huge smile on my face. “They have, and it shows with every move they make.” I felt an overwhelming amount of pride and happiness surge throughout my body as we both stood there and watched them. I still couldn’t help but wonder just how I made it to this point and found myself reminiscing once again.

I've been with JYP now for almost a year, and with Stray Kids for almost as long. I started off as a simple intern; I was there to simply help do whatever needed to be done. I didn’t mind it, even with the pay being practically nonexistent, I was happy to be at the JYP building. My hopes of possibly one day seeing and meeting Stray Kids one of my end goals, it kept the motivation high to do anything anyone asked of me.

The first couple weeks I was here, I never really saw them, just heard about them constantly. I never imagined I would ever reach the level of working or interacting with them as I am now, but at the time just knowing I worked in the same building as them was enough to make me happier than I had ever been. One day when cleaning one of their practice rooms, an all too familiar person walked in on me.

Normally when I clean, I always have my earbuds in and the music turned up to a deafening level. It was particularly late that night and I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in the building, so of course that meant I could sing while I cleaned. I became lost in it until I finally looked up in the mirror and felt my whole heart on the verge of convulsing out of my chest.

“Shit!” I screamed much louder than I intended. The small bucket I was holding with water now rolled across the floor, its contents glistening everywhere as I had thrown it up in the air when I jumped. “I’m so sorry!”

The man quickly ran over to the small counter in the room and grabbed some paper towels before he came towards me. “No it’s my fault! I’m sorry, I just…I heard someone singing and wasn’t sure who it was.” I watched in sheer amazement as he bent down and laid the paper towels on the ground, waiting as it quickly saturated each towel with the spilt water. “I think I created an even bigger mess for you. I’m so sorry,” he said through a small, embarrassed chuckle.

I shook my head and dropped to the floor to help him finish drying the water up. “You don’t need to be doing this! I—I got it.”

He quickly glanced up at me, his dark eyes sparkling from behind his blonde bangs. “Absolutely not. Not only did I cause this mess, but I scared you, watched you without you knowing, and almost gave you a heart attack. The least I can do is fix the issues I caused.” He looked back down and meticulously gathered the paper towels into one neat pile. “Plus this is a much easier mess to clean up than I’m used to.”

I wanted to speak but my mouth wouldn’t open. I couldn’t believe he was here…talking to me…and treating me as if I’m just—well, a normal person and not a low ranking employee of his company.

He stood up and ran back towards the corner of the room where a small trash can sat and brought it back to where I was. He quickly gathered all the wet paper towels and tossed them into the trash can, clapping his hands together once he was finished. “I can take this out too. It looks like you had already emptied it.”

I still sat on the floor, my gaze locked on him and unable to say a word. He looked down at me, his smile growing wider by the second. He chuckled softly and bent down, setting the trash can off to the side of him. “Hey? You uh…you didn’t have a heart attack, right?”

I came back down to reality and quickly shook my head. “I’m so sorry!” I half yelled at him. “I just…I never thought I would get the chance to talk to you!”

His smile never leaving his face grew wider as the tips of his ears burned a fiery red. “You’re clearly a STAY it sounds like.” He ran his hand through his hair and looked away, his cheeks now matching the same red hue as his ears.

“Y-yeah I am…I’m sorry this must be weird for you.”

He looked back over at me, his eyes locking with mine as he tilted his head to the side. “Actually, no. You're not the first employee here to be a fan of ours.”

I felt a slight twinge ping in my chest at the word employee. He wasn’t wrong though, in fact I was kind of lower than an employee as my status of intern. He seemed to notice the change in me as he quickly started apologizing again. “That’s not what I meant!” He said, his hands waving in the air as he sat down on the floor next to me.

I couldn’t help but start to laugh. I rubbed at the corners of my eyes, the warm sensation of tears pooling in them as my laughter became more difficult to stop.

“I think I broke you…” he said before he himself started laughing softly.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. “You’re exactly how you are in all your live videos, you know that?”

His eyes grew wide as he quickly looked away again. “Ha, you mean awkward?” He said in a shy tone.

“No, not awkward. You’re more intimidating than anything if I’m being honest.” I felt my nerves start to take over as he looked back at me. I quickly turned away and rubbed my fingers along my arm. “You’re just…I don’t know…you’re…you.”

He held his hand out towards me as he motioned for me to stand up with him. I hesitantly took it and felt as if I was in some sort of dream state once our hands met. “Well I would certainly hope I’m me. I’d hate to be anyone else.” He let go of my hand and looked around the room. “Did you clean this all by yourself?”

I nodded and looked around. “Yeah, it wasn��t all that bad. Honestly, cleaning all the mirrors is the hardest part.”

He nodded and snickered under his breath. “Wow, I’m impressed. This is one of our larger practice rooms.” He looked back over at me and tilted his head. “By the way, your singing is very beautiful. That’s what drew me here.”

I felt my whole face reach a temperature of a thousand suns as I quickly looked away from him. ”Th—thank…y-you” I said slowly.

He brushed his hand against my arm and once again chuckled slightly. “Hey, calm down. I’m nobody special.”

I jerked my head up and locked eyes with him. “Yes you are!” I quickly slammed my hand against my mouth and took a step back. I can’t believe I just said that out loud.

I expected him to turn and walk away but instead he took a step closer towards me. “Thank you, that means a lot uh…” he looked at my shirt, a puzzled expression gracing his face as he locked eyes with me again. “What’s your name?”

“Y/N”

He smiled his huge toothy smile and extended his hand once more. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Y/N, my name is Christopher, but you probably know me better as Bang Chan.”

I shook his hand and found myself starting to calm down. His grip was tighter this time compared to when he pulled me up off the ground as he finally let go of my hand. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and let out a small sigh. “Hey sorry but I have to take this. I hope to see you around!” He waved as he turned and headed towards the door, his phone quickly going to his ear.

And just like that he was gone. I stood in the same spot for I don’t know how long. Long enough that my feet started to go numb. I gathered my supplies and headed toward the door myself, looking back in to make sure I left nothing behind. I flipped the lights off and pulled the door shut as I walked down the hall, my mind still replaying what had unfolded not too long ago.

“I met Christopher Bang….I actually met him!” I replayed that same statement over and over in my head the entire way outside. Somehow managing to drive myself back home, all while still reliving that small interaction that I had with him.

It was a sheer stroke of luck at that point that I even saw him that night and for that, I was happy. I never dreamed I would see him again, let alone reach the level of relationship I have with him today. If only I knew then what I knew now, I might have been able to win him over sooner.

“Hey….Y/N.” I finally snapped back into reality to see Min snapping his fingers next to my face. “Where did you go? I’ve been talking to you for the past ten minutes and you’ve been in a complete trance.”

I shook my head and felt the small droplets of sweat bead on my forehead. “I’m sorry! I got caught up reminiscing again I guess.”

He crossed his arms and swayed on the heels of his shoes, the sound of his laugh drowned out by the loud music. “You know you’d think the woman who captured Chris’s heart would pay attention when he’s on stage.”

I looked around and noticed the many different members of the production and stage crew around us. “Min!” I hissed through clenched teeth.

He smiled and leaned down to speak directly to me. “You’re fine. No one could hear me over their performing. Besides, they’re paying extra close attention. This is their job after all.”

I slowly looked back around and noticed he was right. Not a single one of them was paying any attention to us. They were all focused on multiple different things involving the stage, the guys, the lighting. Min and I were nothing more than furniture at this point.

I looked up when I heard the ending of Maniac draw near. This was the time when they would take a short but well needed break. They’d only have about ten minutes, but ten minutes was more than some venues would allow.

Min tugged on my sleeve as we both headed towards one of the back rooms. This is where they had left the majority of their personal items as well as where all the snacks and drinks were. I looked around at the vast assortment of drinks and laughed. “What?” Min asked as he grabbed a bottle of water off one of the tables and took a large drink.

“Nothing. I just couldn’t help but notice the surplus of pomegranate juice here.”

Min shrugged his shoulders and winked, a little tik of his he has when he's in a good mood. “I’m tired of hearing Han complain about there never being any when we have shows. So I put that at the top of the list. Think this is enough?”

I counted all of them and shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, 12 bottles might not cut it. You might be getting demoted, buddy.” I gently pushed his arm as we both laughed amongst ourselves. We took a seat on one of the small couches and waited for the guys to show up. They had just left the stage and were more than likely being escorted here before they had to change their outfits.

“They’re doing incredible,” I said quietly. “I figured they’d be nervous with this being the first tour concert in a long time.”

Min leaned back and pulled his leg up over his knee. “I think they are nervous, but the excitement of it all is keeping that hidden. All of them, regardless of the stress it may bring, they love the stage. But,” he took a quick drink and looked back at me. “I guarantee you they’re going to sleep like the dead tonight. This has been a toll on me so I can’t imagine what they're feeling right now..”

We both looked up as the door opened and a unanimous “Snacks” rang out across the room. Changbin and Hyunjin were the first two in and immediately headed towards the tables full of snacks and quickly chose their favorites. Han trudged in behind them and slumped down on one of the other couches in the room, a very dramatic sigh escaping his mouth. Lee Know, Seungmin, and I.N joined in at the snack table, their excitement echoing throughout the room as they all seemed to choose something different. Last but not least Felix and Chris came in. Felix quickly ran over to Han and sat down on his back, his huge smile beaming from ear to ear as he lightly bounced up and down. Han laughed underneath him as he squirmed, trying to get free.

Min and I stayed where we were. We didn’t need to interrupt the small break they had and we certainly didn’t want to put them behind. I glanced away from Felix and Han when I felt someone sit down beside me. “Alright you two, break it up.”

Chris weaseled his way in between Min and I and continued pushing Min further away. I felt the all too familiar redness rush to my face as I felt the overwhelming heat radiating from his body. They’d already performed over ten songs and still had well over 15 more left to go. He leaned back against the seat and lifted his arm up to rest on the back of the couch. “What did you think?” He asked happily. He had very unique ruby colored contact lenses in his eyes tonight and I couldn’t help but find myself staring at them. They almost shimmered when the light hit it just right.

“You guys are doing amazing! I seriously don’t know how you do it!” I said excitedly.

I felt him lean in closer as he shifted his weight around in the seat. “Hmmm, well, it's definitely not on my part. I know the rest of the members are amazing but I’m just kind of…well me.” He laughed a very small laugh and shook his head. “And don’t you even think about telling me I’m wrong. Either of you!” He pointed a finger at both Min and I, knowing we were going to say something. Chris always puts himself down and both Min and I always fight him on that. Lately he’s been trying to shut us up before we have the chance to say anything but that’s never stopped us before.

But before we had the chance to say anything to him, a young woman knocked on the door and drew all of our attention towards her. “You guys have around five minutes left. You’re all needed in dressing room 1 and 2.” She nodded her head and quickly ran back down the hall.

“Hhh, some break this was,” Lee Know grumbled from the chair he’d claimed in the short amount of time he was here. They quickly all gathered their trash and headed back out into the hall. Chris however stayed where he was. “Aren’t you going to go with them?” I asked curiously.

He shot Min a quick look which made him get up and follow the rest of the guys. He took a deep breath in and laid his head on my shoulder. “You know we have a fan signing after this right?”

“Yeah, I do.” I slowly leaned my head down on his but quickly chose not to. I was afraid to mess up his perfectly styled hair, and the last thing I needed was Kimberly from hair and makeup to come and hunt me down.

His hand made its way up to my thigh as he started tracing small circles against my silk slacks. “You don’t need to stay that late for me. Why don’t you head home after the concert?”

His light touch sent shivers throughout my body as if it were the first time he’d ever touched me all over again. I leaned away and watched as he raised his head up off my shoulder so he could look directly at me. “But why?” I asked, the undertone of annoyance not hidden at all in my tone.

He lifted his hand up to my face and gently caressed my cheek. “Because I said so.” He leaned in closer, his voice dropping lower as he locked his eyes with mine. “And you’re going to listen to what I ask of you, aren’t you.” The hold this man had on me was unrealistic. I slowly nodded without realizing as I watched his dimples peek out on his cheeks from his smile growing. “Good girl.” He quickly kissed my forehead and ran towards the door, his jacket already completely off of him before he made it out into the hall.

I let my head fall back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling as my heart continued to race. I still could feel the ghost-like feeling of his fingers against my leg as once again my mind started to race with the many thoughts of him.

My name is Y/N, and I’m an average girl living a not so average life. I’m the secret girlfriend of one of the world's most famous K-Pop idols, Christopher Bang, leader and overall founder of Stray Kids. And this is the story on how that came to be.

[pennyl4n3]

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

[pof203]

Binge (Pao-Lin & Lara)

Lara had finally managed to invite Pao-Lin over to her house. Lara's mother was staying the night at a friend's house leaving her alone.

Lara had invited Pao-Lin over to binge watch the reboot of one of Pao-Lin's favorite animes, Shaman King.

"I hope it's not too much trouble," said Lara as she and her partner took off their coats to hang.

"Not at all," said Pao-Lin with a smile. "Natasha needed the night off."

"Glad to hear it. For a moment, I felt like a kidnapper."

"Don't be silly. It looked like you needed a friend while we were working out."

Lara went to the kitchen to fix some popcorn and sandwiches while Pao-Lin was getting the television ready and finding the show.

A little later, Lara came out with the snacks and some juice.

"They're ready!" she called.

But she saw that Pao-Lin already found the show and was now looking at the torn picture of Lara's mother, Zamira, and her tennis partner, Pamela.

"Is this your mom when she was younger?" asked Pao-Lin.

"Yes, that's here," answered Lara.

"She's very pretty. She really is a tennis champion. And I guess the torn half was her partner."

Yes it is. After all these years, my mother never got over what happened to her. Because of that betrayal, she thought that partners can never trust each other. She tried to convince me the same about you."

"You don't think that, do you? I know my sponsors keep telling me to show myself more, but I'm not about to stab my partner in the back just to do it. You are amazing in your own way."

"I know... I just wish my mother could think the same way. She and Pamela were very close. But after their falling out, my mother was hurt to the core."

"I don't pretend to understand all of this, but it's rather sad to see how things ended up with you and your mother. I can't imagine my own parents trying to force me to do things, except maybe telling me to be more feminine. They're actually quite supportive."

Lara sighs at the thought of the kind of people her partner's parent are.

"You're so lucky, Pao-Lin," said Lara. "I wish I had your kind of parents. Your parents only sweat the smaller stuff and then just let it slide. But me, my mother might as well by some evil stepmother from a fairy tale."

"Yeah," said Pao-Lin. "The only thing missing is either a couple of wicked stepsisters and a cat or a magic mirror to tell her who's the fairest one of all."

The two girls could help but laugh.

"Don't get the wrong idea, though," said Pao-Lin. "My parents can be pretty stick, too. The other day, my mother sent me a really pink dress to wear to a birthday party for my boss. But I hated it much, I used my powers to destroy it. But when my parents found out, they were really mad. They were yelling at me over video chat until it was nearly sunrise."

"I guess when they said you can't chose your parents, they really meant it."

"It just to show you that no one's perfect. We're all unique."

The two girls laugh at how similar their live were. They were happy to know that they are kindred spirits.

"Still we love our families, come what may," said Pao-Lin.

"Without a doubt," said Lara.

They then sat on the couch ready to binge.

"By the way," said Lara. "What's the original Shaman King anime like? I've never seen it."

"Well, I know the reboot is more true to the manga," said Pao-Lin. "But it'll never take the original's place. It's so diverse. Plus, Ryu is really funny."

"He's funny in this one, too. I wonder, if he were real and saw how they remade him, what would he think?"

"I'm guessing he'd be stoked about being on TV."

Meanwhile, in another universe...

"ACHOO!"

"Is something wrong, Ryu?" asked Yoh. "I hope you're not sick."

"I'm fine," assured Ryu. "Probably someone talking about me."

The end.

5 Day Left!

[helloalycia]

my happy ending [two] // kara danvers

summary: the secret Kara has been putting off for months finally comes to light, leaving you both in a precarious situation

warning/s: mentions of a breakup (let's be honest, this isn't a spoiler lol)

author's note: here’s the second part! hope you like it :)

part one | masterlist | wattpad

It had been a few months since Kara and I said 'I love you' and it was around that time when things between us were moving forward. We were still going strong and I had never been in love with someone as much as I was with her. No relationship I'd had in the past was as amazing as it was with Kara – she was magnificent.

I was sure nothing would get in the way of us; we were going strong and despite small, petty arguments we'd had in the past, we'd never truly fell out over something. I couldn't imagine us doing so either, because our relationship was built on honesty and trust. What could possibly break us up?

I was in charge of all social media content for CatCo, so I wasn't one who usually went with reporters to cover stories. In fact, I rarely did unless it was to help a colleague, like now. My friend, Cara, was covering a story at L-Corp – something science-y to do with the labs. I wasn't too into the details, but she didn't want to go alone, so she asked me to accompany her.

So, that's where I found myself now, standing with Cara as she was being shown around the labs of L-Corp by a scientist.

Cara was a professional, asking question after question and digging for the nitty gritty details in which the scientist would try to avoid. It was pretty cool to witness.

"So, that's everything we're working on so far," the scientist finished the tour, stopping by some glass doors.

"What's in there?" I asked, nodding behind the scientist.

The woman glanced behind her before forcing a small smile. "That's something I shouldn't discuss."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Seriously? Now I definitely want to know."

"Look, this isn't a scrutinising article," Cara explained, her voice sounding convincing. "We're not trying to uncover L-Corp's secrets. The last thing we need is another 'evil Luthor' recycled news story."

"I appreciate the sentiment, but I still can't share what's in there," the scientist said, apologetically.

"Off the record?" Cara offered, and I could sense her curiosity, too. "We won't tell anyone. I won't report it."

The scientist seemed reluctant. "It's not a secret, I can tell you both. But it's just, you're the media..."

"Technically, she's the reporter," I pointed out, literally pointing to Cara, who smacked me in the arm.

"C'mon, we'll sign an NDA or whatever," Cara promised.

After some puppy dog eyes and pouting, the scientist (whose name I couldn't remember) gave us some NDAs to sign before finally taking us inside the glass room.

"As you know, we manufacture many different products," she explained, leading us to a desk with some microscopes on. "We're working on recreating Kryptonite."

I furrowed my brows. "That's that stuff that Supergirl and Superman have right?"

"Their weakness," the scientist corrected. "We've managed to recreate the properties of Kryptonite and can use it in case of an attack from Kryptonians."

"But the only Kryptonians we know of are Superman and Supergirl and they would never attack," Cara stated with confusion.

"Not necessarily true," the scientist said. "Remember Astra?"

"The woman who tried to kill us all at the start of the year? Yeah, we remember," I replied, shivering at the memory.

"It's for cases like that," she explained. "It's not a big deal, but we're keeping it on the down low to avoid public scrutiny. As you said earlier."

Cara nodded and began to look through the microscope, studying the Kryptonite on the slides. I looked at the green glowing rock beside the microscope, picking it up and wondering how something so beautiful looking could be so dangerous to an alien.

"Amazing, isn't it?"

I looked up at the scientist. "I guess. This stuff really kills Kryptonians?"

"Too much can, yes," she answered. "Small doses can inflict pain, and manageable doses can strip them of their powers, making them similar to a human. This piece you're holding is a highly-concentrated dose."

"Best keep this far away from National City's only hero then," I joked, feeling a tad uncomfortable that I was holding such a powerful object.

I placed the Kryptonite back on the desk and tapped Cara. She got the hint and concluded the tour.

Cara and I headed back to CatCo after and she thanked me for accompanying her to the tour. It wasn't a big deal, so I smiled and left her be to write it up, promising to give it a read before she submitted it.

I decided to head to Kara's afterwards, seeing as she was working from home today. I brought some food – her favourite, Potstickers – to surprise her, and knocked on with a smile on my face. Just the thought of seeing her got me all giddy, like a little kid.

"It's open!" Kara called out from the other side.

I rolled my eyes playfully and walked into her flat, setting the food on the kitchen counter. "What did I say about leaving your door unlocked, Kara? It could have been anyone!"

Kara grinned from her position at the dining table, standing up to approach me. "But I knew it was you and– ah!"

I furrowed my eyebrows when I saw Kara stumble over her feet when walking towards me.

"Kara, what is it?" I asked, moving forward to help, but when I touched her, she pushed me away and held the table for support. "Kara!"

I looked closely and realised her veins were glowing bright green. That could only happen if...

"Wait a minute," I said, staying stood still as she gulped hard, still hunched over with pain. "You're in pain... and that can only happen if you've been in contact with–"

"Kryptonite!" she cut me off breathlessly, before staring at me with startled eyes.

I stepped back, feeling my heart drop to my stomach. "You're a Kryptonian."

"Why do you have Kryptonite?!" she questioned, still clutching the table and cowering away from me.

I shook my head, still in awe. "I was at L-Corp and we saw some Kryptonite... but only Kryptonians are affected, and there's only two known Kryptonians on Earth... Superman and..."

She avoided my eyes and that's when my suspicion was confirmed. I felt my mouth go dry as I looked at Kara carefully. Her glasses, that was it. That was the only thing separating her from her other identity, her other life. How could I have missed that?

"I've gotta go," I got out finally, my throat closing up.

"Y/N, please wait," she said desperately, stepping forward, but she stopped herself when overcome with pain. Her skin was glowing green now and I realised that there was still Kryptonite residue on me from that highly-concentrated piece I held earlier.

I turned around and left, feeling my heart beat fast in my chest. Kara was Supergirl. I didn't know what to feel because that very fact was still trying to sink in.

I had no choice but to go back to CatCo after, needing to get the rest of my work done for today. But I couldn't concentrate because of what I'd just discovered. Kara was Supergirl. She was an alien. She had a whole other life I didn't know about.

My phone kept getting notifications from Kara – she wanted to explain herself, but she couldn't see me until she was sure the Kryptonite residue had dispersed. I didn't care about that anyway, I didn't want to see her right now. I wasn't sure what I would say if I did – she'd hidden this from me!

I thought we had something special and unique. I thought I'd finally found someone, something, indestructible. I thought I knew Kara inside and out, I wanted to believe I did. But I was wrong. She was pretending this whole time.

I went home after work, leaving a little early because I wasn't actually getting anything done. I was confused, lost, unsure what to do with this information. Kara was Supergirl. When she disappeared randomly, that's probably why. When she would sneak off with James and Winn... they probably knew, too. It seemed that everyone important to her knew. But I didn't. Maybe I wasn't as important to her as I thought.

When I reached my flat, I saw Kara leaning against the doorframe. She perked up when she saw me, clearing her throat.

"Y/N," she muttered, her voice breaking.

I wanted to ignore her, but I couldn't. I simply stared at her, noticing her red, teary eyes and puffy face that were hidden behind her glasses, the same ones that had hidden her identity. It was literally right in front of me and I hadn't noticed. She hadn't shared it with me. I was so sure we would last. A relationship built upon honesty and trust. Huh. What a joke.

"I don't want to speak to you right now," I said as calmly as I could muster, before fumbling with my keys.

"Y/N, please, I know you're angry, but I need to explain to you," she said desperately. "I don't want to hurt you."

"It's too late for that," I mumbled, swallowing down the lump in my throat before managing to slot the key in the hole and push open my door.

"I'm sorry," she said, following me inside. I rolled my eyes as she watched me with a guilty expression. "I didn't want you to find out like this."

"It seems that you didn't want me to find out at all!" I snapped at her, slamming the front door and spinning around to face her. "I found out by accident, Kara. You lied to me. You didn't trust me."

"I do," she tried, but I shook my head, disguising my hurt with irritation.

"No, you don't, otherwise you would have told me," I stated. "I feel stupid for not figuring it out sooner."

"I'm sorry–"

"I don't want to hear it!" I cut her off. "At first, maybe you didn't trust me enough to tell me, that's fine. Then we admitted we liked each other and okay, fair point, you didn't know if we would last so you didn't want to tell me. It's fine, understandable even, that you didn't tell me. But then we told each other we loved each other. And that could have been your chance. But no. You kept pretending that I actually meant something."

"I wasn't pretending!"

"If you weren't, then I would mean something to you, Kara. I would be important enough in your life to have known the truth!" I shouted, my vision blurry with tears. "You let me fall in love with you! Believing we could go somewhere when this whole time, you were living a whole other life! And apparently everybody else knows but me! Right? I presume that's why you're always hanging out with Winn and James?"

She stayed quiet, watching me with tears streaming down her face, but I couldn't care less. She was hurting me.

"Get out," I said, breathing out.

"Y/N–"

"I said get out," I repeated, glaring at her.

She nodded slowly, looking down to her shoes. "I'm so sorry, Y/N..." She walked past me, and I didn't turn around until I heard the door close.

I released a shaky breath, closing my eyes as tears fell. So much for a happy ending.

–

A lot can happen in a month, which is funny because it goes by quite quickly.

That's how long it had been as I tried to come to terms with how I felt about Kara hiding a big part of her life from me. I couldn't just forgive her and pretend it didn't hurt. The more I thought about it – which was a lot, as much as I tried not to – the more I felt like an idiot.

I was in love with somebody who I truly believed was my perfect someone. I believed she was everything to me, but she was pretending the whole time. I was convinced God was out there, letting me know not to get too attached, too safe with someone, because I would just be setup for disappointment.

Obviously, seeing as Kara and I worked in the same office, it made for, well, pretty much every day an awkward encounter. I tried my best to avoid her presence, which I thought wouldn't be too difficult, but gosh it was. It was like she was everywhere I went – the photocopier, the coffee machine, the toilets. It was infuriating, especially because I began to miss her a lot.

I had to put up with avoiding her eyes and stares from across the room for a long time. I knew she wanted to speak with me, because at first she tried to, but then she gave up and I think everybody knew. Nobody in the office brought it up, but it was obvious they knew, judging from the tension in the air when we were around each other.

And if all of that wasn't enough, it didn't help that I was reminded of Supergirl pretty much every day. She was all over the news and it was literally in my job description to tweet about her when I could. Seeing her – Kara – in all of those photos, reading about how she was literally saving people's lives... it hurt. She didn't trust me enough to tell me about all of it. Was it something I'd said? An impression I gave that made her deem me untrustworthy?

I didn't know anymore. I just knew that by the end of the month, my heart ached more and more, craving for the arsehole that was Kara Danvers. I refused to admit it at first, but when I kept finding myself searching for the blonde around the office, I knew I'd finally accepted what had happened. I wanted her back. I missed her.

It took a while to find the guts to go forward with this, but when I did, I tried to find Kara at work. She wasn't at her desk and nobody had seen her around. I did a quick search around, calling her name, but nothing. Only, when I was on my way into the hallway, I found her standing by the coffee machine. She wasn't alone.

The new-ish guy, Mike or whatever, was stood with her, pretty close to her side, his hand resting on hers on the table.

I knew I had no right – I'd literally blown her off for a whole month – but my heart began to ache at the sight. Whatever they were talking about must have been important. She was staring at him like he had hung all the stars in the sky. Unless that's just what I saw, I wasn't sure. I just knew that I hated it.

The two of them turned around when they heard me call Kara's name and I froze, meeting Kara's eyes for the first time in a long time.

"Y/N?" she breathed out, surprise in her voice and expression.

I licked my lips, backing up. "Sorry, I– sorry. I left it too late. I'll go," I mumbled, my voice breaking.

"No, Y/N, wait!" she tried, but I'd already turned on my heel and speed-walked away.

I felt my eyes tear up like an idiot as I walked away. Of course she'd moved on. Why wouldn't she? I'd wasted her time.

"Y/N, please wait," her voice broke me from my self-pity, and she stopped in front of me, eyes searching mine. "Let me explain."

"I didn't mean to interrupt," I said, clearing my throat. "You don't need to explain anything, Kara. I– I made you wait too long without saying anything. You don't owe me anything." I sucked up a shaky breath and avoided her eyes. "I've gotta go, sorry."

I didn't give her chance to respond, not wanting to hear her comfort me out of pity or obligation, and instead pushed her out of the way before leaving abruptly.

I just felt like an idiot.

–

I sat at my kitchen counter and opened the pizza box, tucking in there and then instead of getting a plate. I was tired, upset and wished today was over with.

After seeing Kara with Mike earlier on, I felt embarrassed and couldn't wait for my day to be over with so I could sulk over a box of pizza. I guess I should have seen it coming, since I practically pushed her away and gave her no benefit of the doubt. I deserved it, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt any less.

As I was halfheartedly eating my pizza slice, I heard a knock on the door and groaned inwardly. I really couldn't be arsed with the company.

"Go away," I called out, hoping they'd take the hint.

"Y/N? It's me."

I groaned loudly this time, recognising the voice as Kara's. I paused, glancing at the door, debating whether to tell her to go away. But I realised I'd have to face her eventually, and she was way too stubborn to take my word and leave.

With a heavy sigh, I dropped my pizza slice into the box and wiped my hands on my jeans before going to answer the door. Kara was standing there with a small smile on her lips as I avoided her eyes, cheeks growing warm.

"Hey," she said softly.

I nodded awkwardly. "I– er– hi..." I swallowed hard, saying, "Look, if you're here about earlier today, I'm really sorry, Kara."

"No, you don't need to apologise," she was quick to reply. "It wasn't what you thought, I–"

"You don't need to explain," I cut her off, finally lifting my eyes to meet hers. I didn't want her to explain it. "It's your business. I shouldn't have assumed anything."

Her eyes softened as she clearly had more to say. "Can I come in? Please?"

I would have rather ended the conversation there, but the part of me that missed her deeply was telling me to let her in. Next thing I knew, I was stepping to the side and letting her come in, hoping she couldn't hear the racing heartbeat in my chest.

"Mike isn't just the new guy," she said when I closed the door. "His name is Mon-El. He's an alien."

"Kara–"

"He's an alien and I've been helping him to settle into living on Earth," she cut me off, continuing hurriedly. She held my gaze, not giving me chance to interrupt. "Supergirl has been helping him. That's all it is. That's all it'll ever be."

I pressed my lips together, nodding slightly to show her I understood. Her shoulders relaxed and I felt a bit more at ease now myself. She wasn't moving on. Or at least, not with him.

"I didn't know that because I pushed you away," I admitted, frowning. "I didn't give you a chance... I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise," she insisted, shaking her head.

I smiled sadly. "I get it could be too late, but–"

"It's not too late," she said quickly, eyes glistening with hope. "I... I was waiting."

I felt butterflies in my stomach as I felt my embarrassment return. "I needed time, that was it." I sighed to myself as I began to pace uncomfortably. "It was silly, really, how I didn't realise the truth. Everybody else knew and I... I should have known."

"Don't say that," she said, and I felt her hand grab my arm reluctantly. I stopped and faced her, seeing her shaking her head. "I didn't mean for you to feel like that. It wasn't your fault, Y/N, it was mine. I should have told you. I wanted to tell you."

I couldn't help but feel betrayed again. "But you didn't."

She let go of my arm and frowned. "It just happened that Winn was the first person I told. And James already knew because of Superman. And then I wanted to tell you next, but being Supergirl was hard at first. It was demanding. And being Kara with somebody who didn't expect anything more was nice. It was selfish, but I had you. And I wanted to tell you after, but I was scared. And once again, I was selfish because I knew I was falling in love with you and I didn't want to scare you away because of this lie."

I swallowed the lump in my throat as she searched my eyes for something.

"It got out of hand and I was in way too deep," she admitted regretfully. "You won't believe me, but I did want to tell you, Y/N. But now you know. And I know you hate me, but I wish you didn't because I am truly sorry I ever hurt you. I never wanted that."

"I don't hate you," I told her, eyes glassy with tears. "I don't think I could hate you even if I tried, Kara."

"I love you," she whispered, a tear slipping from her eye.

I couldn't stop myself as I pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight. I had missed her so much and to have her back in my arms was a blessing, even if it hurt me at the same time.

"I don't completely trust you right now," I muttered truthfully, before pulling away and holding her close.

"I understand," she said, nodding and sniffling.

"But I love you, too," I added, knowing that deep down I couldn't stop. "I want to be with you, Kara. You mean too much to me."

She seemed confused as she furrowed her eyebrows. "What does this mean?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'd like to start again, but go slow. I still care about you and seeing you with Mike– Mon-El– whatever, made me realise that I can't see you being with somebody else."

"I'll earn back your trust," she promised, tucking a strand of her behind my ear. "I never meant to hurt you."

"I know you didn't," I said, grabbing her hand and kissing it gently. "And I know you will."

She smiled through her tears and I felt my heart beating quickly again, glad I had her back. I moved forward for another hug, relaxing into her arms as she squeezed me comfortingly.

We'd get through this. She was still my happy ending, Supergirl or not.

[liptonsbabe]

Chains of a family [B.W]

Bill Weasley x Grant! Reader

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Summary: Molly knows about the reader’s relatives and she’s not so sure to put her trust in a girl that had just betrayed her own family

Word count: 1.9K

Warnings: Swearing

A/N: Hi! i’m so happy that you guys liked this thing! thank you so much for your support and, again, if you want to keep reading this let me know. Same note as ever, english not my mother language, so tell me if something’s is wrong.

Chapter 2: Not your family

The next morning turned out to be quieter than you imagined.

You slowly got out of bed and looked at everything around you noticing how quaint Bill's old room was. The ceiling was lined with grainy wallpaper with stacks of photographs of Quidditch players hanging from the reeds that moved from side to side, simulating the playing field; the right side of the room had a huge hole behind the small stool that tried to hide it, and from that hole a small garden gnome was sleeping peacefully with a small piece of cloth on top of his head. You stood up, walking towards the huge window that gave you a beautiful view of the Weasley's garden that at that moment was covered by a thin layer of drizzle that had fallen during the night.

Molly's fruit trees gleamed under the faint rays of the sun and you saw how a doxy from between the leaves poisoned Mrs. Weasley's apples, causing them to fall from the tree branches in a thick black mass with a foul smell coming out of it. You shook your head, excited to witness a very different way to wake up.

Even though several minutes have passed since you woke up, the house continued to remain in a strange silence that made you think that the family had decided to leave the burrow with the intention of buying more supplies or something like that. You knew that Bill wasn’t at home precisely for his obligations within the Order, so you didn’t worry about looking for him around the room, so you decided that a better option was going down to the dining room and know what was happening.

As you went down the spiral staircase, you cursed in a whisper when you forgot to put on your slippers before leaving the bedroom cause the floor was so cold that you slipped a couple of times. Back in the days, when you were still welcome in your parents' house, you had many servants who did all the things for you - putting on your shoes as soon as you woke up was one of those things - but now that your life had changed so much, you assumed that you would have to adapt and start taking care of your own needs.

Your curious eyes roamed the walls covered in family photos that caused a big warmth in your chest. In each of those photographs, all of Molly's children appeared along with their father, smiling for the camera and sending effusive greetings. A pic was hanging at the fireplace were Molly and Arthur were carrying a small white bundle crying his lungs out. You assumed it was Bill as his parents seemed too young back then and even as a small baby, you could recognize those tantrum features anywhere.

A giggle escaped your lips when you noticed a funny sequence from that same photo in which, even with Bill crying in his mother's arms, his father tried to carry him for a moment to calm him down, however the baby's cries didn’t stop. The baby was so annoyed that he ended throwing up  the milk ration that he must have had before the photo session on his father's neat shirt.

You laughed because you knew that William's impertinence was something he had carried with him for several years now.

"Bill hates those photos." You jumped in your place scared to see Molly standing behind you. Your cheeks turned red “He says that it’s embarassing but i think that’s nonsense. He was an adorable baby”

"he was," you answered, looking anywhere but into Molly's shrewd eyes. "but I guess displaying them in the fireplace isn’t the right thing to do."

“Is it not?

"No, they should be at the front door where everyone can see them”

Molly giggled as you watched the sequence of photos over and over again. A silence settled between you, but surprisingly it was not an awkward silence, but one that was allowing you to create a bond that neither of you expected. Mrs. Weaslsey brought up a rag, wiping it around the corners of the photo from the dust.

"Arthur and I had to save up for months to take those pictures," she mentioned wistfully, "we just had Bill and it seemed like a good idea to welcome him into our family with a gesture like that. Arthur was new in the ministry and wasn't earning too much, but we had that quirk and decided we could afford to skip certain things to pay for the pictures. It cost us ten galleons and it still took us four months to gather them”

“Oh” You didn't know what to say, but you just kept looking at the photograph feeling a bit uncomfortable. You never had those problems at home because your family was insanelly rich thanks to the inheritance in life that your grandfather Tim had left to his son and later to his grandchildren. Even the descendants of your grandfather's servants came to work in your house, reason enough for you and your siblings to grow up with no sense of responsibility other than your own wishes. Molly sighed remembering those times when life seemed to be easier.

"So when Bill asked me to remove it from the fireplace, I refused. He doesn't know how hard it was to raise that money, but I think he has nothing to be ashamed of, he was too adorable!

"I don't doubt it for a second, Mrs. Weasley."

"You can call me Molly," she said, walking back to the kitchen where you continued watching the way the pans moved back and forth preparing breakfast. You were not very good at cooking - in fact, you had never cooked before- however, that didn’t stop you from offering your help. So you took a pan, placed it on the stove, and decided that you would find a way to make a good mountain of strawberry-filled pancakes just like your dear nanny did. Molly observed you carefully. "I think that now that you are living with us it is appropriate to have a more cordial treatment.My son told me a lot about you”

“Just the good things, i hope”

“Kind of” You stopped mixing ingredients to look at her carefully” He told us a bunch of marvelous things about you and how you two met. Actually, what worries me the most is what he didn’t tell us”

And there was the recrimination you were waiting for. You were aware that it had to arrive sooner or later, however, you would have been grateful that it did it when Bill were by your side to give you the opportunity to defend yourself properly. You cleared your throat uncomfortably, knowing that what Molly needed to hear from your own lips was which family you came from. You continued your task with the pancakes, turning out as bad as you expected.

"I'm sorry it turned out this way, Mrs. Weasley."

"Molly," he corrected.

"Molly" you smiled slowly "But believe me when I tell you that it was me who asked William not to mention anything about my last name or where I come from. I know that in this case, with the war above our heads, it is necessary to be certain of the people who enter your family and I apologize for that, it's just ... Bill is very important to me” Molly's eyes narrowed “Since we met ... I have found a home in him and well, all that feels when someone is in love. "Mrs. Weasley shook her head, understanding the feeling." I have experienced the rejection before. When people know that Tom Riddle is my family ... they run away in fear, curse my family and even walk away from us, as if sharing a blood bond makes us as evil as he is.

“And it’s not like that?” Molly asked with a hand on her neck. She didn’t want to be like the others and judge you without knowing the full story, just as she had promised Bill the night before that she would, but it was so difficult not to remember the death of his brothers by Voldemort’s hands and to pretend nothing had happened in the past. You sighed because the eggs you cracked on the bowl got mixed with their own shell “ I've heard of the Grants before, they're all Death Eaters, including your siblings!”

“It is difficult to have to choose a side  when you don’t have your own convictions”

"And you have it?"

You looked at Molly in pain. Of course you expected those reactions from Bill's mother, she was within her right to be upset that her oldest son never told her that he was in a relationship with a girl who seemed to have the most fucking powerful and evil wizard in the world as a great-uncle. No, Molly wasn't mad, she was deadly angry, she felt like she was bursting!

Her hands became fists and without knowing how, you found yourself between the wall and Molly's big arms from one second to the other. The pancake batter was forgotten, as was the woman's promise to treat her son's girlfriend in a good way.

"How is it possible ..." Molly questioned in an agitated voice, pressing your arms against the wall, "... that a single deer leaves the nature of its own herd?" How can you ensure that one rotten apple even in a gold container doesn’t rot the others?”Your breath caught at the questions of the woman in front of you. Once again, you were aware that your presence wouldn’t be good news to them, but at least you hoped they understood your motives before judging you “Explain to me, (Y/ N) Grant, when have you seen a pig away from his equals?”

Your words caught in your throat at Molly's fierce question. Bill had talked a lot about the temper of his mother. Even if she could be really grumpy at times, she was in general a very sweet, pleasant and maternal woman with everyone; however, you didn’t fit into that generality because it seemed that the woman was determined to kill you with her own hands.

"If my presence bothers you so much, then you shouldn't have let Bill and I to stay here."

“He's my son! All I want for him is to be happy, and that's why I don't understand what he managed to see in you”

"Maybe the same thing you saw in your husband." Molly's lips twitched in anger, but you didn't stop. You hoped that she would at least understand what your words meant, because that would make it easier for both of you to try at least get along better, even if Molly seemed not to want to do it under any circumstances. How is it that this haughty little girl dared to compare herself with her dear and wonderful husband? "I'm sorry, but I don't think this conversation is going to take us anywhere."

"If someone betrays his own family ..." Molly stopped you before you walked out the front door. The others got down the stairs, seeing the scandal formed in the kitchen “The rest of us can't expect too much, can we?

Your eyes blured.

[drakenxemma]

Hello sweetie! 🌸 A lot of people in the fandom say that Draken and Inupi become friends 'cause Draken starts seeing Emma in Inupi, because of his looks. What do you think? I'd like to know your opinion on this. I hope I've made the point. Anyway thank you so much for keeping drakemma very much alive. 😘 You're amazing. 💌

Hi, anon❣ Thank you so much for the question. Before I answer, I'd like to make clear that, as always, this is just my personal and humble opinion, I may be wrong and I'm very open to different views.

I've read this idea around a lot, too, and I find it very interesting, but, to be honest, I'm not sure I am of the same opinion, firstly because I cannot see how this is supported in canon (and in fact I think it's not at all), and secondly because I don't think I like the idea of Inui being mistaken for someone else once again, it'd be unnecessarily sad and cruel. But let me explain why I'm saying this.

First of all, as we know, Koko used to see Akane in Seishu. Now, Koko and Seishu's backstory explains very well how and why that happened: Koko is traumatized by Akane's death, feels guilty for mistaking the two siblings and for saving Seishu instead of her when the fire happened (the severe burns will eventually led her to death), so he ends up overlaying and projecting the idea of Akane on her brother, cancelling Seishu's persona for years in the process, perpetrating pain and affliction to Seishu and to himself (Koko and Seishu's relationship makes me want to cry, seriously, it is one of the creepiest and saddest stories in tokrev in my opinion, both of them are consumed with trauma, both end up harming each other and suffer like hell, and both deserve better...).

Anyway, what I'm trying to say here is that, from a narrative standpoint, Koko seeing Akane in Seishu is directly connected to Seishu being both Koko's friend and Akane's brother, the three characters are connected and it's exactly this link what "allows" Koko's trauma to evolve in that specific way and to cause such bad consequences on Seishu. Now, let's just imagine the exact same story, but with Seishu not being Akane's brother: what would happen in this scenery from a narrative point of view? Would Koko equally lose Akane? Yes, he would. Would Koko equally suffer trauma? Yes, he would. Would Koko's trauma equally evolve in a tragic and devastating way? Yes, it would. Would Koko's trauma affect Seishu? No, it wouldn't. It wouldn't demage Seishu specifically in that case because Seishu would not be part of the scheme. Indeed, in canon, Seishu pays the price of Koko's trauma because he is simultaneously Koko's friend and Akane's brother and because he was saved "by mistake", which leads Koko to feel guilty and to lose his mind. In summary my point is: all of this happens because sadly the three characters (Koko, Seishu, Akane) were linked, Seishu's only fault is being, in Koko's eyes, what's left of Akane.

On the contrary, Draken and Emma have nothing to do with Inui, they don't have a common backstory or anything. What would be the point in repeating the same instance in which the poor Seishu is made invisible by someone else's suffering once again? Especially when this someone else is not correlated to him in any way. From a narrative standpoint, it just doesn't make sense. Draken, unlike Koko, would have ZERO reasons to project the image of his lost love on Inui. Actually blond hair is the only thing that Seishu and Emma have in common and I really think it'd be not enough to justify such a behavior on Draken's part.

In the end, I'd like to add what is, according to me, the reason why Draken and Inui become friends, the reason why their friendship lasts and they support each other and and help each other. As we know, to some extent Seishu used to take advantage of Koko's abilities in making money to reach some of his goals in Black Dragons. When Seishu and Koko part ways and Seishu is left without that "money machine", he has to learn how to be "financially independent" and I think here comes his friendship with Draken. Inui, thanks to Draken and the bike shop, learns how to make money by himself with an honest job. Probably Draken and Seishu created a solid friendship working side by side over time. I guess it's just as simple as that. I think Inui respects Draken a lot because he finds in him a healthy friend, someone trustworthy. At the same time I think Draken respects Inui because he finds in him an emotionally recovering person, someone who is trying to deal with past mistakes, sufferings and regrets, just like he's doing himself. I think Draken genuinely respects Seishu for who he is and that's the kind of friendship someone with Seishu's past deserves. It makes sense. I truly doubt Draken is unconsciously searching for a replacement for Emma, I doubt he's looking for her in other people. It'd be totally out of character and inconsistent with the way he deals with Emma's death, in my opinion. While Koko's trauma and pain led him to delirium and to see Akane in a different person, Draken faces trauma in a healthier way, he succeeds in doing something for himself, he focuses on his career and, as we know by now, he goes as far as still fighting to bring Mikey back and to protect his friends. In other words, Draken misses Emma, loves Emma, suffers for losing her, but he manages to go on with his life because he knows that's what Emma would want. Admitting that he sees her in Inui would mean admitting that Draken is actually very much out of control (like Koko was) and I don't think that's the case.

That's why I just can't see Draken doing the same thing Koko did to Seishu: the two just face pain and loss differently, which is totally realistic because different people deal with trauma in very different ways.

Having said that, I'd like to make it clear that I don't mean to say one is not excusable while the other is simply exemplary. Trauma is trauma, I wouldn't go as far as depicting Koko as a total and irredeemable monster: he was deeply demaged and corrupted, he needed help, just like many other characters. The fact that on the contrary Draken succeeds in not doing such things, despite having undergone similar pain, is again indicative of the fact that trauma is trauma and people face it differently depending on the circumstances and many other factors (let's not forget that there's a timeline in which Draken is on death row for killing people and according to Takemichi he did that to avenge Emma's death). This is a very prevalent message in tokyo revengers, we can see how different characters with backstories and traumatic pasts ends up totally demaged, recovered or (partially) redeemed. I'm glad the author conveyed such a message, to be honest.

I also think, on an additional note, that separating Koko and Seishu was for the best and maybe, once they've fully recovered, they can finally have a sincere and genuine friendship where Koko sees Seishu exactly for who is and where Seishu forgives a redeemed Koko. Or I'd also like for them to be healthier individuals and care for each other, whilst staying separated.

[rubylarkspur22]

Idk if this was done before but here's a Angst fic promt-

What if Tanjiro instead of coming back as a demon he dies right after Muzan's death, everyone mourns but eventually move on leaving Nezuko the only one who hasn't moved on from her brother's death

I have seen fanfics for the start of this concept online, but I think I'll add some notes of my own interpretation.

Manga spoilers under the cut, so please be mindful if you don't want that!

So, Tanjirou dies after Muzan is defeated. Mostly from being poisoned by Muzan's blood, but also from blood loss after his arm got ripped off.

Basically goes the same until the point where he would wake up a demon, but he doesn't here. Muzan didn't give him all his blood because I'm only traumatizing everyone to a certain extent!! So no mush!

Nezuko finds her way to Giyuu and Tanjirou, and while a part of her knows what happened, she doesn't want to believe her brother(and the last of her family) is gone for good.

Nezuko starts pleading for him to wake up, to come back. When nothing happens, that's when she breaks. Clinging to Tanjirou, crying and apologizing for not getting there sooner and not being aware enough to help as much as she could have.

Not sure if someone would need to knock her out, or if they manage to pull her away from Tanjirou, but it's not easy either way. She refuses to let go.

I imagine Nezuko would be quite detached for the first little while, just trying to process that she's truly the last living member of her family.

She refuses to let Tanjirou be buried in the Demon Slayer cemetery. She wants to take him home so he can rest with their family, and refuses to take no for an answer. Kiriya grants the request with little hassle.

Zenitsu, Inosuke, and Kanao move in with Nezuko to the Kamado home, so she isn't alone. Kanao also takes Nezuko with her when she visits the Butterfly Mansion.

It is hard for Nezuko for a long time. On everyone, of course, but Nezuko in particular. She has times where she breaks down in tears any time something reminds her at all of Tanjirou. They get fewer and farther between, but they still happen. Most of the time, these moments fall on his birthday. July in general might end up being a tough time of the year for her.

If she decides to get married, she names her first son with one of the kanji in Tanjirou's name. (specifically, the kanji 炭; "tan" for "charcoal" or 治; "ji" for "to heal", as the "rou" kanji, 郎, is for son/male iirc, and is a common suffix in masculine names.)

Nezuko has random thoughts about Tanjirou. They range from just thinking about him during a situation, to outright wishing he was there.

I imagine she receives the family earrings in Tanjirou's will, but it takes her years before she can wear them without bursting into tears. Even when she stops crying upon seeing them, she avoids mirrors and reflective surface while wearing them for a few extra weeks or months. The rest of the group decides not to comment when she wears them.

Not sure if the Hinokami Kagura would still be passed down. I guess it depends on if Nezuko learned it prior to episode 1 or not. I have her learn it for plot purposes in a bunch of AU stories I've made, but I don't know about canon. 🤔

Saburou also becomes a major support for her. He understands the pain of a demon taking family and being the only survivor. He's probably the first to find out Tanjirou is dead, too, being the family's closest neighbour. (I also think it's implied he's close to the Kamado family since Tanjirou and Nezuko refer to him as "Saburou-ojii-san". The term "ojii-san" I believe is a term used when referring to either a grandfather or uncle? Idk, thoughts for another time, place, and/or person.)

I think she would visit the graves of her family as close to daily as she can. She would tell them about her day, what's going on in her life, and her hopes that they're all doing okay in the afterlife.

Nezuko often goes to sleep praying that her family is spared the tragedy of their current lives in their next lives. Especially Tanjirou, who she knows went through hell for her.

A part of me thinks Nezuko would feel responsible for Tanjirou's death. Her thought process is this; if she hadn't become a demon, Tanjirou may not have become a Demon Slayer or at least may have been significantly less hell bent on going after Kibutsuji in particular, and he may have lived because of that.

Not to say that is accurate thinking, because Tanjirou probably would have still gone after Kibutsuji if Nezuko wasn't a demon. But believe me when I say losing someone close to you can give you a serious guilt complex. Even if there was nothing you could do, a part of you will still wish you had done something or hope/ wonder if there was something you could've done to prevent that loss.

When Nezuko passes away(old age), it's with a smile on her face and a whisper about finally seeing her lost family again. The first thing she does upon reaching the afterlife is hug her parents and siblings, followed by tearful apologies. But she quickly gets assurances that none of them blame her for living when they died.

Here's the thing about grief. Even when you move on, you never really move on. Especially when it's someone close to you that you're grieving, like a sibling. The pain gets easier to bear, but it never leaves. There are moments where it's easy, and moments where it feels like you're going to be swallowed whole by grief. They get fewer and farther between, but they still happen from time to time.

So yeah. This is my take on Nezuko's struggle with grief if she lost her big brother along with the rest of her family.

[vv3nti]

liar — t. oikawa & h. iwaizumi

synopsis—a love triangle of unrequited love

warnings—angst , unrequited love , break-up , some aspects based off american high school , there may be a little ooc i'm still learning to writing the hq boys sorry :/

a/n—this is a one-shot i wrote i'm hoping to make into a series- i've started part two so that's promised if not a series, send an ask or wtv to be tagged for that <3

“I’m tired of hiding, Tooru. I’m tired of being kept a secret.” You said softly, twirling the necklace around your neck between two fingers. The weight of this relationship finally lifting off your shoulders, but that didn’t stop the inevitable thump growing in your throat. You love Oikawa, you really do, but you can’t keep going like this. Your heart won’t allow it. You want someone proud to show you off and cherish you with all they have. Maybe, your expectations were too high from the beginning; if you had set the bar lower, this all could have been avoided. Or if Oikawa truly cared for you, loved you as he said he did. Whatever the reason, the dull ache was too much to bear. “I can’t do this anymore; it hurts too much.”

Oikawa had not expected those words to leave your plush lips. No, he thought you’d complain again, he’d kiss it better, and you would forget about it, like usual. But this—this was the last thing he wanted to hear. You were happy; he was sure of it. What the hell provoked you to feel like this? “What do you mean? We agreed we would wait.”

“Yeah, months ago.” You wave your hand through the air. You had no intention of allowing the boy to dismiss your concerns, not again. “And every time I mention it, you disregard my feelings like they don’t matter.”

His eyebrows furrowed, a clear frown set on his face. “Of course, your feelings matter to me.”

“If that were true, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” Anxiety started creeping up your spine, a deep shiver demersing. You couldn’t help but feel off-put; if you didn’t end the conversation fast, you knew you’d slip back in his clutches. “Please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be. No one even knew we were together; that means things can go back to normal.”

“Normal?” He mumbled, eyes downcast to the floor. “What does that even mean? Nevermind that—is this about my fangirls? Because I can tell them to back off. Or Mei? Did she say something to you.” Oikawa’s calm demeanor began to wear off, and panic soon set it. The perfect picture he had planted in his head was decaying within the second, and he couldn’t manage the thought. He couldn’t even see the harsh reality behind his imagination; nothing about your relationship was ideal. Oikawa pushed you too far off the deep end, and as he tried to meet his own needs, he neglected yours.

His hands reached out to you, afraid you’d disappear if he didn’t get ahold of you soon.

The mention of his ex stung a little more than it should. But what are you supposed to feel? Tooru was publicly dating her for a lot longer than you've been together and you felt inferior to her in so many ways. They didn't break up on bad terms and you can't help but wonder if he still has feelings for her—it would justify his need to keep you a secret. “No! I’m done, I’m done with this, Tooru. This how couples are supposed to act; I don’t want to act like this. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep doing this. I need time, a break, anything but this.”

That night you both went home with a gaping hole in your chest and beds a little colder than before. Uncertainty crept in; was this a temporary break or a breakup. Neither of you had the answer.

You spent the first day of the long weekend cooped in your room, fresh tear streaks following the tracks on the old. On Sunday, you had to head to the school to decorate lockers for senior night or week in Sejohs case; the volleyball team had games on Tuesday and Friday this week. Luckily your appointed third year was Iwaizumi, so you didn’t have to trouble over an awkward encounter with Oikawa. Monday consisted of endless baking; it was safe to say you went slightly overboard. Assortments of brownies, cupcakes, mini cheesecakes, and peach cobbler aligned the countertops. One might say you’re a stress baker.

On the contrary, Oikawa spent his weekend hounding down on his team with tiring drills and repetitive rotations. His temper was short, and his attitude anything but playful. None of the club members wanted to be the one to confront their captain, leaving him alone in his thoughts—thoughts about you. At night he got little to no sleep, spending his sleepless nights replaying all his wrongs as if the answer will all of a sudden appear. But how is Oikawa supposed to fix a problem he didn’t even know what there.

Tuesday rolled around faster than anyone could have expected. You sat restlessly in the clubroom, waiting for Iwaizumi to meet you there. You requested him to join you in the room, considering you didn’t walk to school with him and Oikawa as you usually would. Regardless of where you interacted, you knew Iwa had many questions, and you’d preferably be interrogated in private than in front of the entire student body.

Iwa rushed into the room, school bag around his shoulder and one of his jerseys flailing in his hand. “Hey,” He spoke, his usually irritated tone nowhere to be heard. Upon seeing him, scorching anxiety rose in your chest. Deep breaths, Y/N, deep breaths. “I brought this.”

“Iwa, hi,” You chirped, hopping on the tabletop and embracing your friend—holding on a little tighter than usual. Despite your constant mantra of ‘I’m fine,’ you did long for some form of comfort. “Yes, right, thank you. Just set in on my bag. I want to show you what I made.” You dragged the boy by his hand to the table occupying your tasty treats. You figured he could share the desserts with the rest of the team once they won tonight. The hopeful look on your face slightly dropped. Iwa didn’t look as excited as you hoped for. Instead, he looked deep in thought, like something was bothering him.

“What’s going on?” He questioned quietly, finally meeting your puzzled eyes. “Come on, Y/N, you cook when you’re upset. Anyone who’s known you for more than a year knows that.”

Mouth ajar and eyes wide, you searched for an excuse to preach to Iwaizumi—although you know your attempts will be futile. Since you were in elementary school, you’ve grown up the boy and had no doubt he would read you like an open book. And if not you, then most definitely Oikawa. “Nothings going on; I just wanted you to have an array of options. Is that so bad? You could be a little more thankful, you know.”

“Of course, I’m thankful for all of this. But I’m going to find it a little concerning when Shittykawa is as quiet as a mouse, and you’ve got bags under your eyes from what? The hours you spent baking through the night?.” Iwa uttered, raising his voice a bit.

Unfortunately, that only further pushed you to the defensive stature. You wished he’d just leave it, shove it under a rug as you did this weekend. “Not everything I do involves Oikawa! If he’s acting weird, then you can ask him about that instead of undermining what I did for you!” You frantically grabbed your bag off the ground, planning to leave the room. “If you didn’t like it, you could have said thanks and thrown it away—”

“Hey, Hey,” A tight grip encloses around your bicep, halting your departure. “I’m sorry, I really like everything you did for me, you know cheesecake is my favorite. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I’m sorry.” Iwaizumi’s grip doesn’t falter, even as your teary eyes meet his own.

The lump grew in your throat as you fought back the waterworks. “We broke up, or I broke up with him, I guess. Can you even break up with someone who didn’t want you in the first place?” You said, through a broken sob. Iwa doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you with the same pitiful look you’ve seen a thousand times. His free hand moved to the side of your face, patting your hair a few times before he pushed your head into his chest. Words wouldn’t provide you with the support you needed, so Iwa simply let you cry in his embrace—secretly plotting all the ways he wanted to beat Oikawa’s ass.

He didn’t need to ask. He knew all the reasons why this happened. Hell, Hajime had seen the foreseeable future unravel when Oikawa presented your relationship.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be such a downer on game day.” You lifted your head, lightly brushing your palms along his uniform, waiting for your tears to dry. The door to the clubroom snapped open, hitting the opposing wall, prompting you and Iwa to rush apart. The look on the face read shocked, more towards the fact you didn’t need the club questioning why you were crying this early in the morning. But the brunette boy in front of you idly took a long, deep breath encouraging you to do the same.

“Oh, are we interrupting something?”

“Just Iwa and his not-girlfriend, what’s new?” Mattsun and Makki seemed to be having a good morning, and not even Iawizumi could shake them out of the teasing moods. Despite their playful banter, you couldn’t help but focus on the silent set of eyes following your movements, and something about his silence was off-putting.

You turned to the two, a sly smile planted on your lips. “I’m not even indulging,” Fake it til’ you make it. “But I did make a small arsenal of desserts, so help yourself-”

“If I decide to share with these idiots.”

“Help yourself-if Iwa chooses to so graciously gift you the pleasure.” You said sweetly, playfully bowing as Mattsun and Makki rolled their eyes. “I have to go to class, so enjoy, and good luck.”

“Here I got it.” Iwa offered, plucking your bag from the floor with a small smile. The kind gesture made your heart flutter, your mood beginning to lift simultaneously. Ever since you were little, Iwaizumi always seemed to know what you needed to feel better, almost like an institution. Maybe that’s why his tone was short and sharp when he told Oikawa to move away from the door as you tried to leave, you’re used to his cold demeanor, but it was unsettling. You didn’t want him to be this angry with his best friend because of you, although it was a little awarding.

Oikawa’s lips laid ajar, fumbling his thoughts to form a reasonable enough sentence. He wanted to say something astounding to you, something that gave you no choice but to come back to him. He planned it all day yesterday, but now as you hide behind Iwa, he drew a blank.

“I’m serious, Oikawa. Move.”

Oikawa hung his head in shame, shuffling to the side, allowing you and Iwa to exit the room. The overwhelming feeling of patheticness climbing his veins. He didn’t mind his best friend’s anger towards him, but this wasn’t rage. Iwaizumi was disappointed, and Tooru couldn’t shake his glare.

Practice was usually a time the boys could assert their worries into energy, but the thick tension left everyone unsettled. Today’s warmup was eerily different.

Tooru watched you bounce in and out of the gym with the rest of the cheer squad; Iwa’s jersey adorned your figure. His expression held that of a kicked puppy, and it was pissing off the rest of the team. They needed their captain in his best frame of mind if they wanted to win.

Hajime’s humorless laugh broke the silence. “I warned you, you know.” Oikawa shifted his attention. “I told you you’d only hurt her, and you continued reassuring me you wouldn't, time after fucking time. And...there was a time I believed you, but you’re a liar, and Y/N sees it too.”

Oikawa’s sadness morphed into anger, eyes twitching as he bit the inside of his cheek. “If I’m a liar, that makes you one too.” He sneered, eyes still downcast on the court. His emotions were on overdrive, plucking and pinching in his mind. Oikawa knew he should resort to this method of release, but he was losing all control.

The ace sucked in a sharp breath, eye blazing. “Yea, well, I can live with that. Can you?”

Coach cut the conversation short, asking why the boys weren’t warming up before the game. The captain and ace have begotten many altercations through the years, but they always found a way to convert their anger into power. Coach Irihata only hopes that proves true with tonight’s game.

You, on the other hand, had a million tasks to complete before you could settle down in the gym, so you ultimately missed the scuffle in the gym. Just that didn’t make you ignorant to the rising tension, and you couldn’t help but feel it was your fault.

[helaintoloki]

hi mel. i just found your blog and i wanna let you know how much i love your writing style. i've read almost all your fanfics and they all amazing. no joke. the ben hargreeves ones make me cried. thank you for those. it's so hard to find a good ben fanfic in here.

and speaking of that, i saw your request being open and i was wondering maybe you could write ben's death scene in season 2 and change vanya to the reader who is also ben's lover. and if you can maybe make it a bit longer and make them kissed before he disappear? that's all. sorry if it's too complicated. have a good day/night. stay safe!! ❤

a/n: my specialty is angst so this was really fun to write haha also sorry it took so long but I hope you enjoy!

When you made the decision to switch forms with Vanya you never expected to find yourself in a mess like this. Her mind was dark and cold, the air so frigid that each shallow breath you took fell from your lips in white tufts, the tips of your fingers beginning to blue and thin layers of frost slowly inching along the surface of your clothing. Reginald had warned you long ago of the dangers that came with mind swapping— to put yourself in the physical form of someone else was one thing, but to go as far as to make their mind your own was something entirely different. If you didn’t leave soon you’d die, but you knew this the moment you entered Vanya’s brain, and it was a sacrifice you were willing to make, because at least this way the world wouldn’t have to end. She was safe stowed away in the midst of your happiest thoughts and warmest memories, and when her cool down period was over she’d be back in control and everything would stop. Yes, this was the only way.

Streams of water seem to run in the distance, a comforting sound that makes your slow deterioration less overwhelming. Shadows dance along the walls and footsteps echo in the distance but you assume it must be your mind playing tricks on you— an attempt to make it seem as if you are not alone in your last moments. Yet when a cautious voice calls your name you know you aren’t imagining things, at least not anymore.

“Y/n?” A voice calls gently, prompting a startled breath to tumble past your lips as you scramble into a sitting position and stare up in shock at the man that stands before you. He’s different than how you remember him, how you had last seen him when he was alive, but there’s no mistaking him. His eyes are still the same warm hue of brown you had once stared into for hours, and the gentle smile he sends your way is enough to bring you to tears. “Do you remember who I am?”

“Of course I do,” you whisper, voice feeble and hoarse. The cold air hurts your chest and the tears that you hold back do little to help your condition. “I-I can’t believe it’s you...”

“It’s been a while,” Ben admits with a faint laugh before seating himself beside you. A soft sob leaves you at the sensation of his fingertips gently gliding along your skin. His fingers intertwine with your own and for the first time in years you feel whole. “I’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” you snivel. “I think about you every single day. I never stopped loving you, and I haven’t loved anyone else the way I loved you.”

“I know,” he comforts with a gentle smile, his free hand coming up to wipe away your tears. “There was so much I still had left to say to you and so much I wanted to do. I was going to marry you.”

“You were?” You repeat with a croak. Ben chuckles, tears of his own forming in his eyes.

“I was. I was going to marry the shit out of you once we were old enough. Then we’d run somewhere far away together and start a life of our own. We would have grown old together and I would have loved you forever. I still love you forever.”

“I love you forever too,” you weep. You can’t help yourself from collapsing into Ben’s embrace and sobbing into his chest. His arms wind tightly around you and a shuddering breath escapes him, but he says nothing.

“I’m going to die here, aren’t I?” You whisper. “That’s why you’re here?”

“You’re not going to die, not today,” Ben reassures. “You’re going to get out of here and help my siblings save the world. The work is done, all that’s left for you to do is switch back with Vanya and everything will be okay.”

“But what about you?”

“Don’t worry about me,” he says gently. “It’s going to be okay.”

Your body is still weak from the cold, but you manage to bring yourself back onto to your feet with the support of the pillar behind you. Outstretching a hand to Ben, your brows furrow at the sight of the flurry of blue particles that leave his body. He looks away almost defeated, acceptance clear in his eyes but with reluctance to face you.

“What-What’s happening to you?”

“I’ve been holding on for as long as I can in here,” Ben explains quietly, your heart dropping at his admission.

“It’s because you came in here to get me, isn’t it?” You whimper. “God, y-you shouldn’t have come! I knew what it meant when I decided to switch places with Vanya, Ben. You shouldn’t have come after me!”

“Y/n, I died seventeen years ago,” he reminds you gently as he carefully takes your trembling hands into his own. “These years with Klaus, it’s all been gravy, but it’s time to move on. You still have a chance to live, to be happy, to do all the things I can’t do anymore. Trust me when I say it isn’t time for you yet.”

“I don’t want to let you go,” you reply, a steady stream of tears trailing down your face. “Not when I just got you back.”

“You’ll always have me. I promise, but you need to leave before it’s too late.”

“You deserved better, I hope you know that.”

“I know,” Ben murmurs with a small smile. “Can I ask you a weird favor?”

“Anything.”

“C-Can I kiss you before I go? It’s just been so long, and now that I actually have the chance to say goodbye I just-“

He doesn’t get to finish his sentence as you quickly press your lips to his own and cup Ben’s face in your hands. He seems to almost melt into your touch, his hands coming up to wrap around your wrists and hold you close to his frame. Eye lashes fluttering shut and tears streaming down both of your faces everything feels right in this single moment in time. Lips molded together and warmth shared between the two of you, the frost on your clothes begins to melt away and the world around you begins to fade.

You can feel his touch fading away with each passing moment yet you do your best to cling on with all your might until there is nothing, until all that is left of your lost love is a cloud of sparkling blue dust that lazily swirls around your figure. You smile to yourself, embracing the warmth and the sense of comfort that encompasses you as begin your departure from Vanya’s mind once and for all.

“Goodbye Ben.”