#all the labels r interchangeable

[cupidliquor]

i think they like to gossip

[thezombieprostitute]

Hope you work day is going alright!💞

A drop-in visit from PhD!Candidate Curtis on his way back to his apartment from the university. He’s gotta run some data analysis for his thesis, but has no idea where to start. Someone said you could help him find a way?

Sincerest thanks for your patience, Essie! My muse did not want to work on this for the longest time!

A/N: Reader is gender neutral. No physical descriptors used.

Warnings: college/university stress. You don't know pain until you see university students begging the printer to work faster during finals week.

Today seemed to be regular day at the reference desk. You were answering emails from the mathematics faculty and students, assuring them about library holdings of their requested materials. Sometimes directing them to the LaTeX to TeX converter you'd had to make, silently cursing MathSciNet and zbMath for not converting yet. Thankfully, the library students you were monitoring at the reference desk were able to handle most of the questions that got directed at them.

At least until a tall, very handsome man with a buzzcut, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket walks in. You keep an eye on him as he approaches the desk because he doesn't look happy and you're not about to let anyone yell at the students. Thankfully he seems polite enough, neither of the students look scared, but they do direct him to you.

Making eye contact, you motion him over and he's quick to obey.

"How can I help?"

"I'm, I'm Curtis and...my, my data is...I think it got corrupted," he removes his sunglasses and he looks completely devastated. "I can't lose this data. It's, it's my thesis."

You nod in what you hope is a reassuring manner, "do you have a copy of the data in the university servers?"

He holds out a flash drive and you grab the laptop that's never allowed to connect to the network and get it ready. When it is you hold your hand out and he gives you the drive. Plugging it in you take a few minutes to figure out what you're looking at. Some of the terminology is familiar, he's clearly not a mathematics PhD, based on the labels you're able to discern.

"Oh, I see the problem," you tell Curtis, who's looks keep distracting you from your work. "You were, understandably, trying to use data you'd picked up using our Statistica license on your home computer that has the public domain Dataplot software."

"And I'm guessing the two are not interchangeable," Curtis sighs in defeat.

"Unfortunately the metadata schemas they use for the data sets don't work well together," you nod. "The data isn't corrupted, it's just very, very messy and it would take you a lot of late nights to clean it all up again, even if you knew R."

He scratches the back of his neck, "so my data is useless?"

"You have backups, right? You didn't just keep all your data on this flash drive, right?"

"I have backups," he nods. "But it's still months of work down the drain." He raises his hands to his face, looking like he wants to cry. It's a look you're painfully familiar with given your line of work.

You unplug the drive and hand it to him, "hey, look at me." He lowers his hands a little and the pain in his beautiful blue eyes breaks your heart. "You're going to be okay. Yes, it's a lot of time you'll never get back, but it's not the end. You're going to be able to kick this data's ass and get it in line because you know what you're doing with it now. Your thesis hit a setback, it happens a lot more than people would like to admit. You're not alone and you will be able to get this done."

He seems to take your words to heart, taking a few breaths and standing up straight.

"And make sure to get yourself a treat," you add. "You're hurting and you need to take care of yourself."

He almost smiles as he nods and walks out.

🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣🔣

It's been a few months and you'd almost forgotten about the poor PhD student. You probably would have had his physique not stood out so much. The same physique you see walking towards the reference desk, but with a giant smile. You smile in return, he must've gotten his data sorted out.

He walks up to you, "I don't know if you remember me--"

"Statistical software mess, right?"

He lowers his head as his cheeks develop a pink tint, "yeah."

"I'm guessing it all worked out?"

"I'm officially Dr. Everett, now."

Your smile grows, "congratulations, Doctor!"

"Thanks, um," he rubs the back of his neck. "If, if it's not too forward, could I take you out to dinner? As a thank you?" Your eyes go wide. "It wasn't just the data, software stuff that you helped me with. I was genuinely considering just dropping out, giving up. But then you looked me in the eyes and told me I could do it and...and I want to thank you for that."

Smiling, you tell him, "I get off at 6."

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @ronearoundblindly

[conceptofjoy]

what do u think of dirk n hals Gender Situation given 10 or 20 years? if they ever finally settle down their various identity issues etc

......... great question..

dirk's masculine gender identity is fucking fascinating and there's always something new to consider when i look at it at a different angle. and i mean this also goes for bro too. like gender is a very complex thing in homestuck with many metaphors physical or thematical littered about. Dirk specific gender identifiers are lil cal (empty), being seen as cherry red (either failing at those standards or admired for achieving them), and bro-ism which in this instance is often interchanged with heroism.

canonically in caliborn's masterpiece, after dirk seals caliborn away into cal, and lets cal and arq go, homie has straight up lost all the signifiers he's identified with and is left in his pink god tier outfit. literally forced to reckon with the fact that he is a gay man, and how that actually may be way better than the alternative that he was trying so desperately to be seen as. idk there was a series of posts i made about it a month or so ago. this is like, the final realization dirk has in the comic. i mean i dunno about specifics of labels, but gay and genderqueer is like the basic all encompassing ones. to be honest most homestuck characters fall under this extremely broad category, as queerness is a huge underlying theme.

a dirk that doesn't immediately go through caliborn's masterpiece learns this the loooong way. cis guy-> trans guy (refuses to acknowledge this during the session but slowly gets it towards the end of 3 year voyage. will NOT say he is trans through his lips though.) and then shit just stagnates there. i think it depends on his environment, but 5+ years (depends on who he surrounds himself with. if its no one, he is COOKED.) is about the time needed to have those same revelations.

and then there's hal........ arq is one of them brightly colored gendersonas. like what swimz said, arq sacrificed her continued existence for her friends. i dont think arquius ever gave her gender a name because of how thoroughly she embodied it by her self love/ the joy she felt for being alive. it was already said by her existing. hal getting a body vs hal getting a body after being arquius r people who understand vastly different amounts of things about themselves.

a hal sans arq brain meld has a silent kind of depressive acceptance about them. yeah i got a body, things feel better, but it feels like there could be more i could be doing for myself right now, however do i really need it? umm sandpaper floor room esque. trying to figure out what to do with herself after getting less than the bare minimum of being a person. would take a bit to realize she can be a girl.

hal post arq brain meld. holy FUCKING shit i can feel like that?? suddenly no longer arquius's confident persona and is kind of freaking out about the various implications. there would be an amount of time where she falls into a depression, however tries to bring herself up back to that point because a part of her who was arquius knows she deserves it. she would over think the gender thing though, ok yes im a girl, BUUUTTT -etc etc-. almost for the same exact reasons why dirk is attached to those bro-isms. she was supposed to. red girl struggle. again, idk the specifics, gay and genderqueer is hella broad.

i do think hal is fem aligned and more confidently can call herself a girl over time, and dirk can finally wear pink without thinking about it and wanting to decapitate himself.

[zarathelonewolf]

Me when the

✨Aroaceflux✨

hits

( which is all the fucking time)

Romance cool! Sex cool! I want romance! I like the way that guy looks! I wanna kiss that guy so bad! I want a boyfriend! I want that guy as boyfriend! Wait, do I want sex? No, I only want cuddles now that I think of It, I want him to only cuddle me... Or do I? Wait a minute hold on... I do want romance though! But I don't feel the romance right now... Wait I do! Wait I... Don't? Nah nah I do feel romance right NOW, but do I have to buy him bouquets? I hope he understands that I really don't want sex today and tomorrow (maybe the whole week), I'm kinda scared of doing stuff like that with someone else now... Or am I, wait, Is the want for sex back up? Yep it is, lucky me, one less turbulence to deal with! There's too much turbulence anyway though, what the fuck...

Here, Imagine this bullshit in my brain and body throughout the day. I could feel attraction one hour and feel completely different for two hours after that and then go back to feeling it. Below are the specifics of my experience, if anyone cares...

I fluctuate between feeling romantic attraction and not doing so. When I don't feel It, though, I remain romance neutral or favorable, mostly the latter, and I use my platonic attraction to fuel the bond. That means that I should likely end up in a relationship with someone that fluctuates like me, or someone who wants to be my best friend and romantic partner interchangeably. When I feel romantic attraction, being polykin I prefer to express it with animalistic behaviours like rubbing/bumping foreheads together, bumping my head on someone's shoulder, "laughing" like an excited fox and stuff, which can cause disconnect (in a "would anyone actually want a freak like me" scenario). I also want to express myself like this with friends, but in a romantic relationship I would also feel like kissing the person.

My romantic fluctuations are more frequent than the sexual ones. I don't feel sexual attraction often, and I feel romantic attraction often.

I fluctuate between feeling sexual attraction and not doing so. I don't feel sexual attraction most of the time. When I don't feel It, I am either sex positive or something I like to call "real life sex repulsed", because I still can consume sexual content even while repulsed, given that I am alone; if it manifests itself, my repulsion only concerns actual real life sex with another person, or watching R rated stuff with someone close to me. I can also get animalistic when I feel sexual attraction, the behaviours are similar to the romantic/platonic ones but have more intensity; rubbing against a body with my whole body is another sexual behaviour, to which sounds are added. I feel like kissing the person in a lot of places, and even biting them and nibbling soflty. However these urges are muted when my sexual attraction Is absent.

To wrap things up, the "fluctuation" of sexual attraction manifests itself as a spike in sexual attraction and then prolonged periods of abscence of sexual attraction, in which I am moslty sex positive.

I often feel fearful of being a "fake" asexual and aromantic person, but It Is clear to me that I don't experience attraction the same way that alloaro peeps do. When I see an aesthetically pleasing person I feel strong platonic and sensual attraction, sometimes romantic, but never sexual; sexual attraction CAN happen if I have spoken more with the person, but it still fluctuates even then, which is why I don't use the demisexual and demiromantic labels.

It doesn't help that I have a high libido, and that when my sexual attraction is absent, which is very very often, I feel sex favourable a lot of the time and not sex repulsed; sex repulsion is as rare as sexual attraction in me. I am also kinky, I would like a d/s relationship one day with me being the sub.

I feel like I don't fit with alloaro people because if I were in a relationship with one, maybe they could feel inadequate because I don't feel sexual attraction for them, even though I would be willing to have sex anyway because sex looks fun and I like the idea a lot; and even if they accept that, what would happen if I entered a sex repulsed phase at one point of being together? I am scared that finding an alloaro partner physically pleasing and trusting them more than anyone else may not be enough for them. Also my fox behaviours are something that I have been taught are improper, and beastly (derogative), I feel dirty for them (my fox soul cries rn).

On the other hand I often hear aroace people speaking of being sex repulsed and sex neutral, romance repulsed and romance neutral, of not wanting a romantic and/or sexual relationship, and I feel exluded and fake because that is not how I feel most of the time. I am afraid that I am not aroace, actually.

At this point I would simply like to be in a relationship with a very affectionate aroace person on the greyaromantic or greysexual spectrum, but is it wrong of me to want that? Should I also add cupioromantic and cupiosexual to my identity, to avoid misconceptions?

I feel hopeless, like I'll never find someone that can love me as much as I love them. Someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone to rub against and play with. Someone to be my companion.

Sorry, just needed to vent. If anyone wants to write something, scold me, idk, just go for it.

[sc3n3kitt3h]

something ive been seeing a lot recently is people REALLY cracking down on what is and is not emo or whatever. Like, you gotta adhere 2 one, super specific aesthetic, with specific kinds of clothes and thats it. or else youre not doing it right?? you gotta do what the emos in the 2000s were doing EXACTLY. which is so not true and not the point at all!!!! same thing with categorizing emo and scenester outfits. u can only be one or the other and u cant be both. no overlap allowed. if theres overlap then ur probably scene.

It really bugs me 4 a lot of reasons!!! first of all, the emos from "back in the day" or whatever were 4 the most part pretty against labels a lot of the time. they called themselves emo but lost of times they called themselves/eachother "goths" and "scene kids" and whatever else!!! they didnt restrict themselves 2 one specific box. or at least a big portion of them didnt. lots of ppl didnt call themselves anything at all. all these subcultures r obviously distinct and different but the terms and whatnot were used pretty interchangably (or so ive seen) lots of times!!!!

It also doesnt give subcultures and styles a chance 2 grow or evolve!!! things dont HAVE 2 be how they were 15 years ago. no hate 2 the ppl who DO try and replicate those styles, but things can change!!!

Idk. im not that good at explaining this sort of thing. but alternative subcultures are made by and 4 social rejects and outcasts and weirdos. and now we're trying 2 force all these arbitrary boxes on everyone. and its stupid. sincerely, someone who got told by a pink wolf cut tiktok egirl that i wasnt "really emo" and i was actually a scene kid since i was wearing like 3 kandi singles and "didnt dress emo every day" in the hallway of my school.

[nothorses]

hi! this is a question about pansexuality that i fear asking. tbh i don't really care what anyone identifies as. everyone's part of my community to me. i am trying to wrap my head around bi v pan stuff as someone who is neither. i know bisexuals who are critical of the pan label because to them it distinguishes bisexuality as starkly Not being pansexuality. when definitions of bisexuality have included "attraction regardless of gender, or to all genders (and including trans and nb people)" for many bisexuals since like the 70s which is how i see pansexuality defined a lot of the time

i know that bi and pan have always been concurrent labels and they have a lot of overlap and that some ppl use them interchangeably. and i truly don't care that ppl id as pan. but i do feel weird seeing it juxtaposed to definitions of bisexuality that aren't inclusive of all bisexuals? (ie that bisexuals aren't attracted to ALL genders, just two or more.. when many bisexuals Are attracted to all genders! part of bisexual history is that people have been fighting to let others know Bisexuality is more inclusive than the literal like latin meaning of bi = two). i don't know where to stand on this divide. i love pansexuals and the pan label and the right to self determination in identity but i do understand the argument that it feels hurtful in a biphobic way to say it is inherently a distinct sexuality from being bisexual when it's. like. many bi and pan ppl would define their sexuality in the exact same way other than a difference in specific label. i feel like people hate this opinion lmao!!! please help! even if you hate my opinion too i literally feel like i need guidance KDBDBS

Tbh I think there's a lot of historical context to this whole convo, and I don't think you're alone in being confused. And honestly given the amount of info you have, I think you're in a pretty respectable spot about it. (And I say "historical" here in the sense that I am. 25. and I'm mostly talking about the things I have either seen firsthand, or read about/heard about from others.)

So like- when I was a Young Queer, it was very common for people to define "bi" as meaning "men and women" (or even "cis men and cis women"), and thus "pan" rose to popularity as an alternative to essentially mean "everyone, including trans and nonbinary people".

This was like, early 2010's? And I'm talking about other Young Queer spaces and interactions. And you kind of have to remember that in that time, it was kind of radical to tell people not to call things "gay" if they didn't like them. Joking that people were trans (usually in terms like "lol Justin Beiber is a lesbian") was common even in progressive spaces. I was stunned when a friend of mine asserted that they were just gonna stop using the r-slur, like, at all.

So I can kind of understand why "pan" might have felt like a needed thing at the time. I think it felt like a kind of shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and at least from my perspective, that was something you very much needed to state back then.

I think there are a lot of people my age who, if they don't still understand "bi" and "pan" that way, at least kind of "get" where that definition is coming from. And yeah, it's ahistorical as hell! "Bi" has always been inclusive of trans people. Not to mention people have been defining it all sorts of ways for a long time now; there are a ton of definitions out there, and how the word is defined often depends on who you ask.

But then you ask: if we know "bi" is and has always been trans-inclusive, why does anyone still need the word "pan"? And I think the answer is... complicated. And extremely personal, tbh.

This happens with queer language all the time; as terms are cycled out in favor of new ones, people who've been using them hang on regardless. Sometimes they don't know the language has been updated, but usually it's more than that. Usually they have more of a personal relationship with the word, and the community, that they can't just give up in favor of a new word.

Maybe some people who do understand that "bi" is not actually a transphobic term also still view "pan" as shorthand for "I'm cool with trans people", and that's important to them. Maybe they grew up with that word, formed relationships under it, and came out with it. Maybe the pan community impacted them in some profound way, and rejecting it over shifting definitions just doesn't feel right. There could be any number of reasons.

The other part of this is that much as people have come to understand the original definition of "bi" more widely now, the definition of "pan" and "bi" both have taken on multiple definitions as well. I've seen a lot of definitions that seem to exist just to differentiate the two. For example:

Bi: attracted to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders Pan: attracted to all genders

Bi: attracted to all genders, but in different ways, or with preferences Pan: attracted to all genders essentially the same

Bi: attracted to multiple (or all) genders Pan: attraction regardless of gender

I've also seen people use "bi" as the umbrella term, and "pan" as a more specific label beneath it (often with one of those pairs of definitions).

And you mention that "bi" has a lot of different definitions and understandings- so does pan! How a person understands those words, particularly when they identify with them, is going to be deeply personal and very likely very different from the next person. I think a good rule of thumb is to assume that whoever you're talking to may just have a different definition and understanding of the word they're using than you do, and try to ask them about it if it concerns you.

[narcissistic-bitch]

I have some issue with strict subtype labels but if I had to pick one I relate most w i guess communal grandiose . That’s what id tell ppl to make them get it anyway. My issue w strict overt/covert/grandiose/vulnerable labels is that we r all fluctuating constantly . nobody’s like 100% grandiose or 100% vulnerable etc. pop psych come up with like a million at this point too and ppl just use everything interchangeably anyway . 🙄

[hydnes]

okay so this might be annoying since you've already got a couple asks about it and im asking this to just understand and be a better ally so. You're like. Aroace but you want a boyfriend? I'm really confused about that, like is there a sort of spectrum of aromanticness.. I'm wording this horribly but please know im asking in good nature

uh how it works for me is that i want a committed partnership that doesn't necessarily have the obligations of romance due to the DID (some alters are super repulsed by it) so that'd entail no kissing, no hugging, so on and so forth. having separate rooms would be the biggest thing because you go on r/relationships or some shit and people are like "THIS IS A SIGN OF A FAILING RELATIONSHIP". some of us are even distraught by the words "i love you" which is also alarming but hey - can't help it.

most people, i've realized, would be very hurt and disappointed if they were basically treated like a glorified roommate half the time. if you want to use the term "QPP" that'd apply here and is essentially what i want. like a romance-favorable situation but not strictly romantic. idk how to word this without stepping into "allos aren't friends with their partners >:(" territory, i obviously don't think that, but i don't think the average person has a reaaaaaally close friend who's mostly their roommate but they sometimes kiss but only sometimes and it's like, exclusive and so on. and they might get married for the legal aspects of it like hospital visitation but that's about it.

but, yeah there's kind of a spectrum of aromanticism and i do identify as arospec as opposed to strictly aromantic. i will acknowledge that a lot of this shit is just normal and isn't exclusive and if you're like "wtf that sounds like me though" maybe you have something to ponder over, or maybe not. i find the label helpful and healthy though and that's all a label should be, it's easier to explain than "yeah so i'm gay (generally speaking) but i'm also really fucking weird"

(+ also you can imagine and want things and then in practice look at them and go "i hate this, let me back into my fantasy daydream world" but that doesn't... apply here)

(++ also also controversial take but you don't necessarily need to be an ally to this stuff specifically because this is just a way of experiencing a sexuality rather than it's own thing, if you asked me though i'd categorize myself as gay before arospec or arospec specifically within the gay mlm etc community. so i'm sure others would disagree)

tl;dr: i have DID, some alters are romance-repulsed, i personally just have weird boundaries, identifying as arospec is a clean and tidy way of acknowledging those things, and i use terms for close partners interchangeably (and finally: i apologize for the confusion)

[tehuti88-art]

12/9/22: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Lance Corporal Turquoise Rat. He's one of the American forces and he's clairvoyant; his visions (which he doesn't control) have proven useful more than once. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.

TUMBLR EDIT: Turquoise is one of my older Trench Rats characters, dating almost to the beginning. So he's been around a while. You can find an excerpt from his POV in the earliest surviving version of the story dating to 1990 in Anna Julian's entry. His personality has gone through various changes as well though not as drastic as certain others. In the earliest version, he was just cranky--in fact I'm not even sure if the psychic aspect existed yet--and certain aspects of his character and plot were interchanged with Doomsday Rat's. By the circa-2000 reboot, he was still quite pissy but it had more nuance I wasn't able to outline before losing interest. There was also an intended subplot involving his anemia. I just went and looked over the two chapters from his POV and he has an even worse attitude than I'd remembered, haha. It looks like I was trying to convey the idea of him being an empath as well as a clairvoyant, with a German patient inexplicably appealing to him for help he can't give. He's indeed strongly empathic, though this is tied in with his psychic abilities.

Despite being a "furry" story set in an obvious alternate timeline, the focus on the Doomsday serum, and all that funny business that occurs in Ultima Thule (and even those latter two are presented more as alternative science), the Trench Rats series is intended to be mostly in the realm of realism; I try to avoid most fantasy or "magical" aspects. Turquoise (and his German counterpart Nixie, who shows up later) is a big exception to this, representing the main "supernatural" aspect of the story. You'll notice I refer to him specifically as clairvoyant. I consider this different from precognition and retrocognition--one involves perceiving things in the present, one in the future, one in the past, and for the most part, Turquoise receives visions of the present--but Wikipedia includes them all under the label of "clairvoyance," and Turquoise does indeed have a few visions of a different sort that seem precognitive, so...*shrug.* Mainly, though, he "sees" present-moment events, or things that are immediately about to occur, just usually at a distance. The main example is him "seeing" the attack on Trench Rat Headquarters while his company is away, and seeing an ambush the Germans set up targeting his company along the way. His vision saves his own company (actually Copper Rat's company) from slaughter. But anyway. Turquoise was heavily influenced by the character Fiver from Watership Down (I watched this movie when I was way too young), both in his psychic abilities and in his physical weakness; the latter's been largely downplayed by now though I think it's still there. A lot of this is touched on by his past so I guess I'll start at the beginning.

Most of the characters who've been opening up to me lately are the newer characters on the canine side of the story, so Turquoise hasn't been terribly forthright yet. What I know of him (most info predating this 2021-23 reboot) is he's Irish-American and Roman Catholic, I think his recent ancestors/family immigrated to the US to escape the Potato Famine, his only remaining close family is his mother, and he was a very sickly child, nearly dying when he was young--it was this near-death experience that triggered his visions and psychic abilities, being the first time he left his body uncontrolled. When his mother learns of what he experienced while ill, she encourages him to try to welcome and cultivate these abilities: Turns out he's from a long line of "sensitives," as they're called, and to them, this is nothing unusual. (Goofy aside: I sometimes like to imagine this story was published in various formats including a graphic novel and a couple of TV cartoon adaptations... 😳 Shut up. Anyway, details vary drastically between the versions, with one of the TV adaptations being really "dumbed down" at first, more comedic, with numerous character name and personality changes. For example, Klemper is a goofy, chirpy Boy Scout/Hitler Youth-type kid rather than the foul-mouthed, meth-addled twink he is in the "real" story (this makes him one of the characters most hated by (my nonexistent) fans), Schavitz (bearing his original name Schavich) is more bluster than threat, and Turquoise is instead named Sensitive. I won't get further into this dorky daydream, just wanted to point out this alternate name and had to give the convoluted explanation why he has an alternate name.) Granted, all the sensitives in the family have so far been women...Turquoise is the exception. This doesn't matter to his pious mother, who views their abilities as a gift from God. Now that her son shows these talents, it's his duty to learn how to control them.

He isn't terribly sure how to do this, though, and finds the entire thing frustrating, especially since his clairvoyant abilities seem so useless--what does it matter if you can see what's occurring miles away, if you can't be there to do anything about it? His tendency to leave his body is just as pointless to him; he can't control it, it happens at moments of extreme stress and serves no useful purpose for him. He makes a few halfhearted efforts to placate his mother, but he's just not into this psychic thing, and would prefer if he didn't have this problem, because yes, randomly lapsing into trances strikes him as a problem. He finally finds a sense of purpose in joining the military (he does so while still underage, like Otto Himmel and Godfrey Klemper), and is recruited to be among a small group of soldiers sent to Germany early on, when rumors of upcoming war are still only that, rumors. He's not sure why he feels compelled to do this, just that he has a strange feeling, a very bad feeling, that SOMETHING is either going to happen or is already happening, and in its sheer horror it's going to overshadow many other horrible things to come. He tells no one--nobody would believe him, probably not even his mother--but his vague visions show him endless seas of blood, endless mountains of bodies, millions upon millions of the dying and dead and plumes of smoke choking the sky. To sit back and watch whatever will unfold next seems unconscionable to him, so he heads overseas, not quite sure what he expects.

(Much of what I'm getting into now was revealed more recently.)

Turquoise meets up with his tiny unit of soldiers sent to perform reconnaissance in German territory. A new political party, the National Socialists, have risen to power, and there's intelligence from America's European allies that they're engaged in some pretty suspicious activity. It starts out with them expelling certain citizens, then stripping them of their rights, but now there are hazy rumors of some sort of "camps" and, even more alarming, experiments. None of it means much, but they're there to learn what they can. Turquoise and the others are introduced--the characters who later on become known as Battleship Gray, Blue, Copper, Doomsday, Indigo, Silver, and Teal--and they head toward a nearby city to peek at what's going on. Intel has described some sort of building complex, and something called "Projekt Weltuntergang"--Project Doomsday. Whatever it may be, it doesn't sound good.

The little unit works at gathering what intel it can, but considering how few of them there are, and how limited their resources, the info they obtain is limited, too. They do manage to get word back to the US that the Nazis are indeed running some sort of medical experiment with human (well, rodent) test subjects--Project Doomsday--but the details are hazy. It seems to center around the prospect of creating a "super soldier." A few in the unit scoff at this, assuming the Nazis aren't "all there"; while a few take it more seriously. Turquoise takes to sketching in a little notebook he carries on him--his disturbing visions only seem to be increasing, and he finds it helps a little to just let his pencil wander while his mind does the same. His fellow unit member who is later nicknamed Copper rifles through his belongings one day when he's preoccupied and digs out the notebook, flipping through it; he's noticed how Turquoise doodles in it while staring off into space, not even paying attention to what he's drawing. Within, he finds ragged sketches of corpse piles, raging fires, smoke plumes, rivers of blood, walking skeletons. He closes the notebook and puts it back. Normally this is when somebody would report Turquoise to their superiors, but Copper refrains. He's Louisiana Creole, Catholic yet superstitious, and he knows "hoodoo" powers when he sees them. He decides to keep a discreet eye on Turquoise for signs of what to expect.

Things take an abrupt turn when the Nazis attack the tiny unit, having at last caught on to them--the one who'll soon come to be known as Doomsday, for obvious reasons, is captured. The others hole up in an old trench in the countryside and miraculously fend off their attackers, but it's a harsh blow, and the Nazi unit won't let them escape--they're pinned down with dwindling supplies and a dying radio. They send word to a British outpost of what happened, along with a plea for help, but they aren't sure if it gets through, and all they can do is huddle and wait. Turquoise is tense, but more worried for their missing companion than for themselves--he knows they'll make it even if he's not sure how.

Unknown to them, the Americans had already been working on establishing a battalion to set up headquarters in German territory and look into both stealing Nazi documentation (they've also learned of "Project Doomsday") and to free potential captives if they can be found. The British receive the distress message and send it along. The Americans hurry to cobble together the rest of the battalion, called the Trench Rats, and they arrive in Germany and send help. The handful of soldiers are rescued in the nick of time (the corporal, Drake, literally drops into their trench and startles them all) and brought back to the battalion, which is already constructing a hidden headquarters. When Drake gets turned around trying to find the way back, Turquoise is the one to take the lead, which surprises him--they're being very careful to maintain the secret of its whereabouts, so there's no way Turquoise should know where to go. The small group is made part of the new battalion and assigned their roles as they make plans to rescue their comrade; the newly nicknamed Turquoise becomes part of Charlie Company, which is led by Copper Rat. The rescue itself is successful, yet the Rats incur another loss when Teal is captured instead. By now the Nazis have overcome their initial superstition of the Trench Rats (they wear modified Prussian uniforms of the Great War in an attempt to spook the enemy into thinking they're ghosts) and are even more on their guard, so Teal's potential rescue is even more complicated, and since the Nazis spread rumors that he's been executed, he sadly ends up on the back burner in the shuffle of all the other things the Rats are dealing with. (Teal's case ends up being one of the Trench Rats' greatest oversights.)

Turquoise isn't much of a people person, for the very reason that being around people for too long is exhausting and painful for him; he's easily overwhelmed by the wash of emotions he feels when in others' company. To him, this is normal; he knows it's not normal for others though, so he can't talk about it. It's easiest to just keep to himself as much as possible. Charlie Company gives him this opportunity whenever it's their turn to patrol the trenches the Rats dig at the edge of the woods within which HQ is located; he sits off by himself and keeps an eye on things and occasionally doodles in his little notebook. He still draws pictures of corpse-mountains and walking skeletons but new images have crept in among them, tunnels with walls of earth cascading down, the sky falling. He knows it means something but not what. The what becomes clear only some time later when the location of Trench Rat Headquarters is leaked to the Germans and they launch a coordinated attack on all the companies; I can't find my company list at the moment 😳 but I seem to recall Delta and Echo Companies are the ones patrolling the trenches that day, Charlie Company (Turquoise's) is out in the woods, and Alpha and Bravo Companies are at Headquarters. Delta and Echo suffer few losses while successfully fending off the Germans; Alpha and Bravo are the least fortunate, suffering heavy losses when HQ is bombed from above, caving the walls in and burying many of them alive. Sgt. Camo Rat, Cpl. Drake Rat, and Cpl. Anna Julian (the one who, it turns out, leaked the location of HQ to her SS handlers) are captured alive.

This leaves Charlie Company, which is out patrolling in the woods at the time. Turquoise has been "off" all day, distracted and tense; his feelings of foreboding just increase the longer the company walks along the forest road. It's peaceful and quiet, with no aircraft or threats overhead, so they walk openly although Copper is keeping his eyes open, and keeping them on Turquoise. When they come to a fork in the road and start to head one way, Turquoise abruptly halts, staring--it's just a rough path extending ahead of them, but in his mind he sees something else--he sees streams of blood running through the dirt, tastes the salt in his mouth, smells the gunsmoke. His feet refuse to move. He hardly notices when Copper calls the others to a halt and directs them off the path. He steps up to Turquoise and says, "Which way?" Turquoise is silent for a moment before murmuring, "We need to get back to Headquarters." Something about the look in his eyes unsettles Copper, and he directs the company to head back the way they came--though he does temporarily leave the company to take a quick but careful look along the road they just turned away from. Copper grew up hunting in the Louisiana bayou, so he knows how to sneak around and lie low. Just a few minutes of peeking around in the bushes, and he sees what they all otherwise would have missed if they'd simply gone walking through as they'd originally planned: a glint of a gun here, a helmet there. The woods along the road are riddled with camouflaged Wehrmacht troops waiting in ambush. If Charlie Company had gone that way, they would've been gunned down in an instant. Copper rejoins his company and they head back toward HQ.

They hear the chaos ahead before they see it, and pick up their pace. They meet members of Delta and Echo Companies along the way, and they race to what's left of Headquarters, which is severely damaged; most of the ground attack had been focused on the other companies, with only a handful of German soldiers on hand to find and grab Camo, Drake, and Julian, so there isn't any significant force to fight off--now it's mainly a matter of rescuing the wounded and trapped. Doomsday Rat himself has spearheaded this effort--his increased strength and stamina, a result of the experiment he was subjected to, help him push aside obstacles and dig through the earth. By now he's running on autopilot, digging and tossing aside rubble without cease, his hands torn and filthy and bloody. The newly arrived Rats jump right in to help, though Turquoise's ability to be useful now proves limited--he starts hyperventilating, feeling as if his chest is being crushed, and has to be taken aside for a presumed panic attack. He's never experienced anything quite like this before so he doesn't protest, although it wears on him that he can't do more to help.

Casualties in Alpha and Bravo Companies are massive, and the Rats contact their allies to get in touch with the US. Before long, replacement troops are sent, including a new sergeant and corporal, Black and Gold. The theory is that Teal Rat, whom they now know is in fact still alive, gave away the HQ location to the enemy, though some of them are doubtful, including Turquoise; he didn't get along well with Teal, but Teal didn't seem like the type. Damage to one wing of HQ is so bad they can't dig their way through it, and thus can't recover anyone who may be left within; so it's unclear at first what Camo's, Drake's, and Julian's fates are. The Rats rebuild what they can and set back to work, stealing Nazi documentation and helping prisoners and refugees, because it's clear now what the Nazis are up to: Forcing "undesirables" into camps to be worked to death or outright killed. The emaciated dead are often piled like cordwood, and many are shoved into giant ovens to be burned. Turquoise's earlier visions make a lot more sense, now.

While patrolling out in the country, a group of the Rats come under fire from a sniper (this could be Ratdog, I'm not sure) and since they can't pinpoint his location, they seek shelter. They spot a young woman waving them forward--they have no idea who she is, but follow her as they have no other choice. She leads them into the cellar of a farmhouse where they stay until the gunfire ceases; eventually she lets them up into the house itself, where the Rats meet her family. This is Nixie (a character dating at least to the circa-2000 reboot but whom I've never spent much time on, for reasons that'll probably become clear in this entry), and she and her family oppose the Nazi regime; they aren't part of any of the organized resistance efforts the Rats know of, but they do what few small acts they can to help. When Nixie takes Turquoise's hand, he feels a jolt, and a barrage of unfamiliar images flashes through his mind; Nixie lets go, and the look on her face tells him she just experienced the same thing. Neither of them says anything about it, though, being too overwhelmed; the two groups part ways, though Nixie's family promises to offer the Rats what help and information they can, and the Rats, in return, promise to bring some supplies and food the family has been needing. Turquoise is lost in thought as they leave, still trying to process everything. It's startling for him to suddenly know everything about a person--in that instant he saw Nixie's entire life unfold, and he's pretty sure she saw his. There's one thing he doesn't know, however, and this is that now, the two of them are inextricably linked.

This becomes clear only when, one day not long after, something hits him like a mental ton of bricks--he's nearly knocked breathless from the shock of it. A feeling of sheer terror and grief overwhelms him and he has no idea what it is until a voice seems to cry out in his head, "Amerikanischer Soldat!--American soldier!" Turquoise doesn't speak German, but it's as if the voice is translated, and he recognizes it as Nixie's. Somehow, she's in his head, calling out to him directly. He doesn't know how to react but sends out a vague mental question wondering what's happening. Nixie responds in kind, not with words, but with emotions--primarily raw panic--something terrible is happening, and she's calling out to him for help, since she doesn't know who else she can ask. Unfortunately, Turquoise is too far away from her home to go and directly help, so he does the next best thing he can think of--he shuts his eyes, calls up the image of her, and wraps his own mental image's arms around her. "Nixie" embraces him back, and the overpowering feelings of fear abruptly fall away as if they're enclosed in their own little bubble, away from everything else. Turquoise makes sure to keep his arms around her lest the connection break; he looks around at the mental bubble surrounding them, but everything outside is indistinct. He can feel something terribly unpleasant occurring just outside his realm of sight, but at the very least he can try to keep Nixie's mind safe, in here. He waits a bit for her to calm down.

Turquoise: "You can understand me?"

Nixie: (nods)

Turquoise: "We're safe here, I guess."

Nixie: "D...danke. I'm sorry. I didn't know what else to do."

Turquoise: "It's all right."

Nixie: "I didn't mean to drag you into this but I didn't know who else I could reach. You're the only one I know who can do this."

Turquoise: "It's all right."

Nixie: "We tried to keep them out but they have guns."

Turquoise: "Who? What's going on?"

Nixie: "Soldiers. German soldiers. I think they suspect. They threatened my parents. We didn't tell them about your people. We didn't tell them anything but it doesn't matter, they don't believe us."

Turquoise: "Your parents, are they all right? Have they hurt them--?"

Nixie: "Not yet. I think they knew they wouldn't talk. Not even at gunpoint. One of them grabbed my arm. Said if guns don't convince them to talk then maybe I will. He pulled me into the bedroom." (hugs Turquoise tighter, pleading) "Bitte, don't let me go. I don't want to go back yet."

Turquoise finally gets exactly what's happening. He feels awful that he can't do anything else, but keeps mental hold of Nixie, promising not to let go. Despite this vow, after a while he feels her growing further away, less distinct; he tries to look at her, and she looks back, but before his eyes she starts fading away. He calls out--although he doesn't know her name--and tries to keep holding on but it's as if she turns to mist and slips through his fingers. Then, just like that, he's awake again--letting out a startled angry yell at the abrupt jolt of pain. His whole body hurts as if he's been beaten, but it was the severing of the connection between Nixie and himself that hurt the most. He's overcome by fear that this must mean she's been killed; he can't think of a legitimate excuse to request a unit to return to her property, but he does manage to convince Burgundy, the battalion's surgeon, to accompany him there under the pretext that the family had requested a medical visit previously. The two arrive at the farmhouse but before they can go inside, Burgundy grabs Turquoise's arm and hauls him back, pulling his pistol. Turquoise looks up and sees what Burgundy noticed--the front door has been broken in. He pulls his own gun although he doesn't sense any threat. With Burgundy leading the way, they creep into the house and start peering around, searching the silent rooms; there are obvious signs of violence, yet nobody in sight. "The cellar," Turquoise says, as it's the only place they haven't searched yet, and as they descend, his feeling of fear--which he realizes isn't his feeling--grows stronger. They at last locate Nixie's family huddled in the far corner, all of them alive. Nixie is in rough shape--it's obvious she's been beaten. As soon as she sees Turquoise, however, her eyes light up and she says in halting English, "Amerikanischer Soldat. You come for me."

Burgundy speaks fluent German, and this, as well as the red cross on his helmet, help convince the family to come out of the cellar and into the light where he can look them over. He questions Nixie's parents while checking their relatively mild injuries; Nixie holds Turquoise's hand tight the entire time, though he can feel that she isn't afraid anymore; the emotion of gratitude is palpable. He has to coax her into letting go of him so Burgundy can check her out privately; her fear spikes a little, but disappears when he says she can trust Burgundy. They go into the next room. Nixie's parents sit silent nearby, staring at the floor; Turquoise says nothing. He can sense their emotions, but most of all he can sense Nixie's--the shame is crushing. He excuses himself to go outside and get some air.

Burgundy joins him a bit later and confirms the story Nixie had told Turquoise in his vision: Several German soldiers broke into the house and threatened the family, demanding whatever information they had on the Trench Rats. When they refused to answer, one of the soldiers dragged Nixie off to the bedroom, saying, "If our guns won't make you talk, maybe the Fräulein's screams will." Nixie has all the signs of having been beaten and raped. Burgundy gave her what medical attention he could, though she refuses to accompany them back to Trench Rat Headquarters; she comes out to wish Turquoise farewell, grasping his hands and smiling at him. Her reaction confuses him: "I didn't stop it, I didn't get here in time to help you." Nixie replies, "You help. You make it go away. Keep me safe. I help you. If I can. Danke, Amerikanischer Soldat."

Turquoise can't think of how a farm girl can help him out, yet she does, when some time later the Rats are attacked by a group of Nazi soldiers with a strange type of gun they've never seen before--it doesn't shoot bullets, instead it sends out some kind of pressurized blast. Turquoise is the one to bear the brunt of this, the blast sending him flying and slamming him to the ground. He can literally feel himself leave his body--a glance over his shoulder, and he sees himself, lying on the ground, eyes wide and blank and blood streaming from his mouth and nose, the other Rats hurrying to surround him. Then, it feels as if he's being yanked by a chain and dragged at overwhelming speed across the universe itself; he cries out in pain and surprise, then abruptly jerks to a halt. Blinks his eyes open, looks around. Sees just swirling haziness surrounding him. When he looks down at himself, he's hazy and indistinct; he sees a fragile silvery strand coming out of his chest. While he's marveling over this, something glows in front of him, then takes shape--it's Nixie, and she too has an odd silvery cord attached to her. When she sees him her face lights up again and she hurries forward to take his hands; when they touch he feels the jolt, and both of them become clearer and more solid.

Nixie: "I got you!"

Turquoise: "What is this? What happened?"

Nixie: "What do you remember last?"

Turquoise: (thinking) "Something hit me. Something hard. I landed on the ground..." (confused) (looks around) "Where is this? What are we doing here?"

Nixie: "You left yourself. You nearly died. You see this...?" (takes hold of his silver cord) "It shouldn't look like this, it should look like mine."

Turquoise: "What is this thing--? How do I get it off?"

Nixie: "Nein! You don't! If it breaks, you can't go back."

Turquoise: "Back where--?"

Nixie: "Your body. Your life. You saw it, ja?--on the ground."

Turquoise: (growing alarmed) "I'm dead...?"

Nixie: "Not yet. But almost. If you'd kept going. I found you, though. It's not time yet, you wouldn't be here talking with me, I wouldn't be able to help you stay. But I can't make you go back, you have to do it yourself."

Turquoise: "How? I don't have this ability, I don't know what this is."

Nixie: "But you do! You always have! You're just not good enough."

Turquoise: "What--?"

Nixie: "You're not skilled enough yet. You need to practice. Remember--I saw your life, and you saw mine. We're the same, you and me. We were born like this. I've never met anyone else like this. Your talent is so strong, but you need to practice it."

Turquoise: "But...I've never seen this thing before." (takes the string)

Nixie: "It was always there, believe me. How do you think you were able to see things? Things far away no one else can see? This is how. You're not good at it yet, though. The things you see are foggy, you don't see them well, ja? Like looking through...ah...faraway spectacles?" (pantomimes)

Turquoise: "Binoculars."

Nixie: "Ja! Das Fernglas. Binoculars."

Turquoise: "Why didn't it translate that...? This is weird."

Nixie: "After a while you don't ask why, you just ask how. But the way you've seen things is like through binoculars. Far away, out of focus. You practice, you see things clearer, closer. You've always been able, like me. Which means you can go back. You just have to follow this." (takes string)

Turquoise: "I just...follow it?"

Nixie: "Ja, it's not so hard." (takes his arm) "I'll be holding on to you. Like you did to me. I'll make sure you make it."

Turquoise: "How do I start?"

Nixie: "Your Herz, ja...?" (touches his chest) "Listen to what it says."

Turquoise isn't sure how this goes but decides to just try to go with it. He takes a breath, shuts his eyes, focuses on his heart thudding in his chest, envisions it attached to the string. Feels as if his feet are leaving the "ground," although there's no ground to stand on--he feels a bite of terror, but Nixie squeezes his arm--"That's it! Keep trying. I'll hold on to you." Slowly, he feels like he's floating backwards, wind whistling past, but Nixie keeps hold, so he manages to keep himself calm, especially since he suspects if he panics, he'll lose whatever this is. As he starts moving faster, and faster, though, he can't fight down the fear anymore, especially when Nixie says she has to let him go. "I'm falling!" he cries, but she says this is part of it, and she can't keep holding on to him as he returns to himself. Her grasp slips away and again he calls out--again he doesn't know her name, though it doesn't matter--he grasps at thin air as he plummets back and downward, screaming as he expects to slam into the ground--then he's sucking in a sharp breath, and with a blink he sees one of his fellow Trench Rats stumble back with a startled yell. He starts gasping for air as it feels like it's been knocked out of him--his whole body hurts, but especially his heart, like it's nearly been yanked out of his chest. He's lying on the ground in the same position he last saw himself in after the Nazi weapon went off. His fellow Rats creep close again--"He had no pulse!" the one who'd yelled keeps exclaiming in disbelief--and once it's clear he's indeed alive, they carefully help him up and head back to HQ.

While the others are reporting on the worrisome new weapon, Copper, who'd been present, stops by the medical ward--Burgundy has checked Turquoise out, he's bruised and battered but otherwise all right--and says under his breath, "What's 'nixie'?" Turquoise blinks--he's never heard the word before but automatically he knows it's the farm girl's name--yet he feigns ignorance. Copper insists he yelled the word right as he came to; he's been looking around in various dictionaries and books trying to figure out what it means, the only thing he at last comes across being a type of water spirit the rustic Germans believe in. Turquoise himself has always felt a strong connection to water (he's a Cancer, and here I encourage you to check out his "theme song," "Cool Change" by Little River Band), so he's rather unsettled by this, but again says he has no idea what Copper's talking about. Copper is forced to let the matter drop.

Turquoise decides it's time to go meet Nixie directly again. She's glad to see him: "You make it back all right! Ja? I tell you so. You help me and I help you." When he asks if her name is Nixie, she confirms this (she isn't the least bit surprised that he knows), and mentions how "close" she feels to the water, so the name is fitting; she asks his name, and he gives his codename, Turquoise. "Toor...koyz? Toor-kwaz...?" Nixie echoes, perplexed; he points at the turquoise-colored band on his arm and understanding sparks: "Ah! Türkis." Her English is poor, and his German is almost nonexistent, but they seem to understand each other on some unspoken level; when he expresses confusion over this, Nixie takes his hands.

Nixie: "You see me, I see you...you remember? Ja? Mein Leben, dein Leben."

Turquoise: "Leben...?"

Nixie: "Ah...not Tod. Still working." (touches his chest) "Breathing."

Turquoise: "Alive--? Life."

Nixie: "Ja...'life.' You see me, I see you. Everything."

Turquoise: "I remember."

Nixie: "Since this..." (touches his chest, then hers, then his)

Turquoise: "Connected."

Nixie: "'Connected.' You and me, is like, Eins. One." (touches his chest) "Ein Herz. Eine Seele."

Turquoise: "Seele...?"

Nixie: (pensive) "Ah...Geist?"

Turquoise: "Spirit?" (understanding) "Soul."

Nixie: "Ja...'soul.' One soul."

Turquoise: "Eine Seele."

Nixie: (smiles)

(Authorial aside, I'm doing my best, but correct my German if need be, foreign language isn't my thing. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

Over the course of the story, Turquoise and Nixie have various interactions as they get to know each other and she helps him understand the way he is; similar to his family being "sensitives," she explains that "second sight" runs in hers, so this is why her parents weren't surprised by her abilities. Despite this, Turquoise is the only other person she's met with the same abilities. She expresses an unusual insight that proves just how much she understands what he's going through, why he tends to keep to himself: "Loneliness hurt. But other people, to be with them hurt more...sometimes, is easier to just be alone."

More than once, Turquoise displays the ability to "see" someone else's entire life merely by grasping their hand, similar to what happened with Nixie--it's overwhelming for him, and startling for the other party, though unlike Nixie, they don't see his life in return, and he doesn't form the same strong connection to them as he has to her. Nixie again explains this as the connection between their souls, that generally one experiences this with only one other person. Turquoise deliberately tries this with partisan leader Didrika, though only after she challenges him to and insults him when he refuses (she'd heard the spreading rumor of him having "powers" and wanted him to prove it); he grasps her hand, sees and feels the barrage of images, then Didrika yanks her hand free, angry and alarmed. Turquoise simply says, "I'm sorry for what he did to you," but the comment has a profound effect; Didrika goes white as a sheet, and doesn't question his abilities again.

Another, although accidental, recipient of Turquoise's ability is SS captain Otto Himmel; when going to check on Turquoise after Turquoise collapses, he reaches down to push on Turquoise's arm, only to get his hand grabbed. He lets out a startled noise and pulls loose, stumbling back and drawing his gun.

Himmel: "Try that again!"

Turquoise: (panting, weak) "You're not like the others."

Himmel: "What--?"

Turquoise: "Why are you wearing that uniform? When you don't believe what they believe?"

Himmel: (alarmed look)

Turquoise: (pause) "They'll kill him if they find out, won't they?...I won't tell anyone."

Himmel: (increasingly rattled) "I don't know what you're talking about! But you try that again, and I'll put a bullet in your head!"

This incident ends up working in the Trench Rats' favor. Turquoise and Nixie are in each other's company later on when they're suddenly confronted by sniper Lt. Ratdog and his companion PFC Klemper; Ratdog despises the Trench Rats (due to a misunderstanding and a very big lie), and points his rifle at Turquoise, who puts himself in front of Nixie. Someone orders them down, however, and approaches; it's Capt. Himmel. Turquoise doesn't understand most of what's going on, just that Ratdog is angry about this--he and Himmel exchange a few words--yet obeys. Himmel strides to Turquoise and squats in front of him, talking so only he and Nixie can hear. He briefly mentions the "Wunderwaffe"--the weapon Turquoise had a run-in with--but says that while it's a genuine project, it pales in comparison to, and is basically a distraction from, the big project the Nazis are working on. Turquoise assumes he means Project Doomsday, but Himmel instead uses the term Uranspaltung--when Turquoise just looks blank, he translates it as uranium fission. "Mention it to your scientist friends," Himmel says at his perplexed look, "and they'll get it." As he starts to push himself up to leave, Turquoise asks, "Why are you telling me this?" to which Himmel replies, "I don't like being in debt." Basically, Himmel tips the Rats off that it isn't merely a medical experiment they need to worry about, the Nazis are up to even bigger, more alarming things--Turquoise mentions "Uranspaltung" to Burgundy and Doomsday, and they confirm that this most likely refers to a bomb, the destructive power of which nobody has ever heard before. It would make the rest of their bombs look like firecrackers in comparison.

(By the way, while making sure I got the term "Wunderwaffe" right--actually I'd misspelled it--I came across THIS ENTRY that is along the lines of the mysterious weapon in my story. And yep, turns out the Nazis actually did experiment with such ideas. And even crazier ones, too. Giant solar lens to fry people like ants, anyone...?)

Nuclear stuff is WAYYYYY over my head so this part of the story never goes into detail... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyway, like Copper, Himmel--who has the same sort of spiritual religious bent as Turquoise (he's a lapsed Catholic and often has "visions" of his dead wife, and believes in the possibility of mystical experiences)--recognizes something supernatural is at work, and REALLY does not want his secret getting out, so he pays Turquoise back, and outs himself as being disloyal to the Nazi cause, though Turquoise does keep his promise not to tell.

Nixie gets a look at Turquoise's notebook of sketches; he expects her to be repelled, but she seems sad instead--"Feel like a curse, ja?--seeing so much bad, doing so little good." She encourages him to find a way to use his abilities to help others. Turquoise can't think of anything useful he can do--his ability to sense future events is so weak he can never act in time--but a solution at last occurs to him when the Trench Rats seek survivors in a village which was recently attacked. The closer they get to a particular house, the harder his heart beats and his breath comes; he at last comes to a halt, trying not to panic. He doesn't understand this until Copper stops beside him and says, "Which building?" He looks toward the nearby house, and Copper gestures for several Rats to enter and look around. They locate several people hiding within; Turquoise had sensed their fear and pinpointed their location, "Like a landmine detector," Copper says. Turquoise is skeptical that this can be very useful but this time Copper is the one to urge him to work on this skill--like Nixie and Turquoise's mother, he claims to come from a family of "sensitives," and while he himself inherited no such abilities, "I know hoodoo powers when I see 'em." He convinces Turquoise to walk point with him to "sniff out" living souls in the areas the Rats visit to seek refugees and wounded. And at last, Turquoise's clairvoyance and empathy prove useful rather than just bothersome; he senses the fear and pain of survivors, and the hostility of concealed enemy forces, as well as their general location. (It really speaks to the effectiveness of this technique that even the hyper-rational Burgundy accepts it at face value, theorizing that some as-yet unknown scientific principle could explain it.) It isn't perfect--the further away he is, the weaker the feeling, so he often needs to get quite close to detect exactly where someone is, plus the emotions get more overwhelming the more people there are in one area, which threatens to emotionally shut him down; as well, he can handle only so much of this at a time before getting completely exhausted and needing to rest. Still, it's far more than what the Rats had before, and he keeps at it as it dampens the guilt he still feels over being unable to help Camo and Drake or Nixie.

Word about his talent gets out, however--Didrika's partisans hear of it, and so eventually the Nazis do, too. All their scientific efforts focus on the creation of a superweapon--whether man or machine, they don't care, any will do. Project Doomsday focuses on the creation of a genetically modified super soldier, whereas the "Wunderwaffe" and uranium projects focus on a weapon itself; the Nazis end up splitting into different groups regarding which should receive the most focus. Allgemeine-SS major Ludolf Jäger, who's more interested in the preservation and advancement of life (he theoretically opposes the Final Solution, believing the Jews and others should have been expelled rather than killed), focuses on Project Doomsday (run by Himmel's brother-in-law, Dietmar Kammler)--he thinks the super soldiers could be used to, in effect, "break a few eggs to make an omelet"; whereas officials in the Waffen-SS focus on the development of a machine weapon capable of mass destruction. Still, a weapon is a weapon, and when news of Turquoise's talent finally reaches the SS, both parties are interested. In theory, someone like Turquoise would serve Jäger's purposes better, but Jäger is rather skeptical, and it's the Waffen-SS who hear about this first, anyway; a lieutenant colonel (this is a completely new character *moans* who needs a name) in the Waffen-SS expresses interest in obtaining use of someone with such abilities for scientific study, though since this doesn't involve a machine weapon he needs to get funding through Jäger's department, and presumably, Jäger's scientists will conduct the study. (Kammler is peeved about this, wanting to focus all the attention and resources on his pet project rather than on "pseudoscientific junk.")

Turquoise, as a Trench Rat, is a hard target, so they get hold of Nixie, I believe killing her parents in the process and bringing her to project headquarters where the lieutenant colonel orders her treated like any camp prisoner, having her head shorn and being put in a striped uniform. (The guards have no idea what badge to put on her. They end up going with the black triangle that marks people as mental defectives.) The building is locked down to test her abilities, and several parties are unwittingly trapped inside at the time, among them Ratdog, Klemper, Himmel, Rosina Kestler (one of Jäger's secretaries and Himmel's coworker), and Jäger himself; Jäger invites the others along to come watch while they're awaiting their chance to leave. They go to the room where the lieutenant colonel and Dr. Kammler are waiting already, and Himmel is dismayed by the state Nixie's in but can say nothing. The lieutenant colonel demands she show off her powers; she claims she has none she can overtly display, but, assuming she and Turquoise possess the ability to deflect the Wunderwaffe with their minds, he threatens her to show them SOMETHING. Nixie finally asks for his hand; he's puzzled, but removes his glove and holds it out. Nixie grasps it and he feels a jolt; a moment later he pulls free, demanding to know what she did. Nixie, struggling to recover from everything she just saw, merely replies, "You...are an awful, evil man!" She gets a swift backhand to the face, but Jäger orders the other officer not to hit her again; the other officer tries pulling rank, but Jäger reminds him who holds the purse strings. Since he didn't see any obvious display of powers either, he declares a lack of interest in the potential project and turns to leave; "And what am I to do with her, send her to the camp--?" the lieutenant colonel exclaims; Nixie realizes this could very well happen, and so abruptly speaks up.

Nixie: "Einsatzgruppen."

Jäger: (halts)

Nixie: (gruff voice, as if holding a conversation with herself) "'But we don't have the authority to make such a decision.' 'F**k authority. You think it matters? They're just Untermenschen. No one will care about them.'"

Jäger: (turns around and looks at her)

Nixie: "'Call them together, send them out and get it done.' 'But it's not even in our jurisdiction, there'll be consequences.' 'Quit being such cowards! What is it you think he can do to us? He's a pencil pusher, a glorified secretary, a bureaucrat. Just do what I say, and get it over with.'"

(Earlier in the story, Klemper literally stumbled into a pit of bodies in the countryside; he, Ratdog, Himmel, and Jäger inspected the site, concluding it was the work of the Einsatzgruppen, mobile SS killing units that tend to follow the Wehrmacht around like vultures and slaughter groups of villagers, leaving them in killing pits like the one Klemper fell into. Klemper's Wehrmacht unit has no such affiliation, but even more perplexing, this particular area is under the jurisdiction of Jäger's section of the Allgemeine-SS (the SS branch in charge of the Einsatzgruppen), yet Jäger never called together a killing unit--he's opposed to the use of Einsatzgruppen. Jäger managed to find the leader of this particular death squad, called him to his office, and upbraided him; when the guy argued back, Jäger shot him. The person actually responsible for calling out the unit had remained a mystery until now.)

Jäger: (looking at the lieutenant colonel) "You ordered the unit."

Obersturmbannführer: "She's making s**t up now! Why do you listen to her--?"

Dr. Kammler: "You were the one who called this experiment! Said to listen to her!"

Jäger: "Well?"

Obersturmbannführer: (throwing up hands) "All right! So what! Ja, I called the unit. These people are a threat that needs taking care of and your office was doing nothing."

Jäger: (getting angry) "You do not have this authority."

Obersturmbannführer: "Someone had to do something. And what does it matter? They're Untermenschen! No one cares that they're gone."

Jäger: (voice rising) "I will not tolerate people going over MY HEAD!!"

Just like last time--Jäger pulls out his pistol and shoots the officer. Nixie and Kestler cover their eyes, everyone else gapes. Jäger yells for the lieutenant colonel's men to come in and take away his body; he angrily declares the experiment over, having no interest in the talent Nixie displayed. Klemper reaches to help Nixie to her feet, but quickly pulls his hand away after she touches him; he rubs it as if shocked and Nixie murmurs, "You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of it." A few guards take her away and the others leave as well.

Jäger ends up sanctioned for this--he did just murder a superior officer (albeit in a different branch of the SS), after all--but he's essential enough that to him it's merely a slap on the wrist: "I've been meaning to spend more time with Magda and die Kinder anyway." He departs while the others try to figure out what's become of Nixie; rather than go to Kammler, she was taken away in a truck. A bit of digging reveals she was taken to the nearby camp after all. This is a combination labor and extermination camp--unwanted prisoners who are taken there often end up in the gas chamber--so they're suitably alarmed, and Himmel goes to talk with the commandant. Major Konstantin Klaus is dumbfounded by his questions: "I'm used to you people taking my sticks (prisoners) away, not sending me more!" He can't remember Nixie personally until Himmel mentions she came on a truck, and gives a general date and time range; after a moment's reflection Klaus gives the day and time she left and the name of the camp she was sent to: "My camp don't take women, we barely got room for the men." So, Nixie is still alive; or at least, she was, but her fate in the next camp may not be so good.

Turquoise is likewise trying to find out what happened to Nixie; a visit to her house results in the Rats finding the bodies of her parents, so he knows she's in immense danger. They run into Ratdog and Klemper, who are seeking the train Nixie was taken away on; the two groups call a temporary truce since they have the same immediate objective. Turquoise tries focusing to sense Nixie, and, picking up a direction, goes running, Klemper following quickly after. When he briefly loses the trail, Klemper picks it up, knowing a railroad track is nearby; he damages the track with his Panzerfaust, and the train is far enough away to come to a stop to avoid derailment. (Though Klemper and one of the Rats argue briefly over this action, neither one fully understanding the other since the Rats don't speak German and the Germans don't speak English.) When the engineer and other crew angrily get out and start yelling at Klemper and Ratdog, the Rats take them captive; Turquoise hurries to the cattle cars, though it's difficult for him to do so--he can sense the emotions of everyone inside. He stops at one of the cars and isn't strong enough to force it open; Klemper breaks the lock with the butt of his rifle and they haul the doors open. The car is full of prisoners who are in moderately okay shape--they haven't spent much time in captivity yet--but hungry, exhausted, and panicked. The Germans and the Rats start helping them off; Turquoise waits until the crowd has thinned before climbing in to look at the straggling few remaining. Nixie is huddled in the corner with her arms over her head, also overwhelmed by all the emotion; yet she senses Turquoise, looks up at him, and offers a weak smile. "Amerikanischer Soldat. You come for me."

Turquoise helps Nixie to the doors and Ratdog reaches up for her; she grasps his hand on the way down but once she's safely on the ground he pulls free, rubbing his fingers and frowning at her pensively. She gives him an equally perplexed look and says in German (so Turquoise doesn't understand), "You're wrong. You're mad at the wrong people." He just looks even more confused, not knowing what she's talking about. The others open up the remaining cars and the Rats make plans to take the freed prisoners back to HQ for safety. Klemper asks Nixie if she speaks English and relays a message to Turquoise: "He say they return to das Heer...they get big trouble if they don't." Turquoise holds out his hand, Klemper reaches for it, then makes a noise, pulls back, offers a halfhearted salute instead and leaves with Ratdog. Turquoise, Nixie, the Rats, and their captives and freed prisoners head in the opposite direction.

...There'll be more to Turquoise's, and Nixie's, stories--this is already far longer than I'd thought it'd be, most of this coming to me as I typed. And already, further developments regarding Nixie's part in the plot--including me almost creating ANOTHER new character, only for one I've already made mild use of in the past to step forward and offer himself for the role--are developing. Those will have to percolate a bit longer, though. I'm pretty sure both continue to work on developing their powers to help the Allies, and the Nazis keep working on their projects aiming for a super soldier or an Übermensch, all of this leading to the craziness that ensues in Ultima Thule, though I'm so far unsure how big a role Turquoise plays in that and if Nixie plays a role at all. I do know she and Turquoise inevitably grow close since their souls are connected, after all, and I believe both survive the series, though there's always time for a more unfortunate ending to develop. :/

[Turquoise Rat 2022 [‎Friday, ‎December ‎9, ‎2022, ‏‎3:00:12 AM]]

[faggy-euronymous]

introduction post time!!

names: ray, mikey/michael, andre, finn, frank, robin/robbie, euronymous, cal/calvin/caleb, eli/elias/elliot (use all interchangeably)

pronouns: it/its, ey/em, xe/xim, bat/batself/🦇/🦇self, they/them,🥀/🥀self, vamp/vampself, he/him (again use all interchangeably)

im a femme genderqueer lesgay boygirl ^-^ im a puppyboy and catboy simultaneously :3 im a self-identified bad person so if you have some shit like "bad people dni" then dont interact (or do. i cant rly stop u b4 u interact)

im 13 :3

tag stuff: i only tw for image/video-based stuff, n i format it like "___ warning" (ex: flashing warning) (i have shit memory so unless theres an image/video there to remind me that "hey theres smth triggering here" i wont remember it, sorry). my yapping tag is #the bat speaks. if you have the money, check out my #palestine fundraiser tag or #sudan fundraiser tag and donate some money to some1 there (unfortunately i havent found any congolese fundraisers n i havent found that many sudanese fundraisers)! vampire tag: #🦇, music tag: #📼 (ed im sorry for stealing these), art tag: #🎨, vent tag (will include vent posts both by me n other ppl): #🥀, cannibalism/body parts/stuff in that vein (pun intended :3) tag: #🦴

i have 1 other blog: @faggy-music-listening (blog where ill post what im listening to when i feel like it)

this blog is for a lot of things. random vent posts once in a blue moon bc venting makes me feel bad bc what if i trigger some1. discourse/political (?) shit. blinkies, stamps, n stuff like that. bands/artists i like (mostly mcr rn the autism is making me obsess over middle-aged men again). also i think vampires n gerard way r cool. plz send asks i <3 asks!!

if u wanna cancel some random mentally ill queer teenager here u go ^-^:

🖤 transandrophobia is real n important to talk abt (n so is transmisogyny, exorsexism, intersexism, n transmultiphobia)

🖤 all mentally ill ppl deserve help if we want it. yes this includes the "scary" ones. all mentally ill ppl. yes even that 1. n if a mentally ill person doesnt want help we still deserve basic respect

🖤 all radfems should fuck off n die. even the trans "inclusive" (lmao) ones

🖤 mainstream feminism sucks n doesnt pay attention to poc, trans ppl, intersex ppl, n disabled ppl enough. yall gotta stop focusing on white perisex cis abled women

🖤 live and let live, cringe culture fucking sucks

🖤 "leftists" being like "mental health matters!" but not being able to handle ppl w anything except for seasonal depression, mild anxiety, or "quirky" autism/adhd is a genuine problem

🖤 having homicide fantasies doesnt make u a bad person. even if theyre not intrusive thoughts n u wanna have them

🖤 no kink/fetish is morally bad. no kink/fetish "belongs" to a group of ppl. making ur own ver of a kink/fetish isnt "copying"

🖤 "contradicting" labels r amazing n very fun to have (ex: afab transfem, amab transmasc, lesboy, gaygirl, lesgay)

🖤 it/its arent inherently dehumanizing n refusing to call some1 who uses it/its it is transphobic

🖤 neopronouns n xenogenders r amazing n very fun to have

🖤 fakeclaimers should die

🖤 liking a piece of media doesnt mean you agree w the creator(s) abt everything

🖤 a (cis) man liking feminine things doesnt mean theyre a trans woman n a (cis) woman liking masculine things doesnt mean theyre a trans man. thats js gender stereotypes w trans colors painted onto it

🖤 intersex ppl talking abt their issues arent transphobic or terfs oh my fucking god

bands/artists i have a spotify playlist dedicated to: pierce the veil, tzarbombah, anhero, heelflip, frank iero

goodbye heres a picture of gerard way :3

[solardick]

Idea for sigma. 18th letter of the greek alphabet.

The idea is this. ΣWM.

Moon, card 18 and 23. Wheel, card 10 and 13.

23rd letter of the English alphabet is W. The 18th letter is R. The 10th letter is J and the 13th letter is M. The two additional cards here are J and R. The chariot and temperance.

Σ is used as a mathematic symbol.

The A and E cards are mused to be interchangeable. As they are often found together. But the final card in this set would belong to З, i come to. There doesnt seem to be any other symbol to use. З is also a stand in for Z. And also draws other connections to the high priestess. Emphasizing a more gental, nurturative side of the spherical and circular connotations. Of the cards. As the wheel is as likely asking as it is pointing where. Where’s the personal disposition of active participation? Attention and discipline, care, and intelligence. May trump all.

Not what i originally imagined. An I-robot type deal manipulating the elements of reality.

The σ minuscule version brings it the O and Q and G and even C itself. Together with the active use of “will” or purpose. Painting a lovely picture. As well as tying it in with the devil card. S and Z. Though im rationalizing. Sex and the machine. The wheel card can now be painted as a sexy robot.

It just does’t fit the circular theme of the set. Other than perhaps the solar system and human automatons.

The σ symbol is used in the same class of calculation as is Σ, adding in the standard deviation from a sum notation. Though it’s used as a fraction. Becoming an irrational symbol, labeled as Q. A fancier Q in another font. But still a Q.

But im not very convinced by it. The card as a whole.

Othwr than that i think im being framed for tax fraud. As someone sent me the T-4 tax slips for walmart for 2023 for 10000$. I didnt work a day at walmart in 2023. And i never got my T-4s for the roofing job i did for a couple months.

And yo get get a screening fie gonareah. Be foiring to have given me a gay desease after they rapedmy spyche. Just to add innthe degenerate sense of homour.

Fuckni hate it here. Today their making the eclipse personal by exlipsing my fucken efforts. Sorry they’re taking your work. Station so uou have nothing to do. Yeah. Go smokw a ciggarette.

Eclipse starts just when i get off work. It’ll pass over has im walking home. Miss it. It looked like evening. Like an hour before evening. I stop paying attention to astrology when o realized they were just ising it to mess woth me.

Anyway this was a crappy post anyway. But, im afraid until i have a confident. Im stuck doing this. Everyone needs someone. I dont know what that feels like. The worlds been agaisnt me since the day i was born. Instead of being completly serrounded by people i don’t like who are actively fucken with me. Literally everything the outside would has sent my way, offord, given, likes my life lesser. Since i was born. I was born in hell. And everyonw wants to rule. Grew up fearing and alone. Am old still fearing and alone. Nothing has changed in over 30 years. Everyone always playing soemthign over me. Since forever. And everyperson brings in something that weakens me. Always been. Theres nothing to learn from being messed with. Its just for others pleasure. As its always been. I dont want to be alive anymore. Whats next? My secret druggings to fuck with me? Beat me down until i freak out more and conveice other peopel to help?fuck with my income taxes? Give me a desease? Frame me for murder?

Im quitting this jon soon and probably gonna hang myself. If this all life is goona do to me. Then ehats the point? Theres nothing else. I could listen to the bible and beleive you’ll syop when im forty. But. That’s a lie. There was never any apple itd been like this from the start. I dont even human anymore. Theres no connecting with anyone. Ill bever have a confidant. Just serrounded by assholes. Likes its always. Been. Not allowed not beign fucken damaged by someone. Hahhahahabwell at leadt im not an unstable wreck anymore. But i cant rely on that. Eve’s a fucken faget anyway. Genesis lietterally makes. No sense. It would be woman pulling at a rib and become man. Cause she wanted to get penetrated. So he lies. And hooks up with her. Done deall. Fuckne hate the bible.

Jesus is a bastard. No father. Left his mother alone in the crowd. He’s super effeminate and cant defend himself. The last person you want backing you in a war. And only go pray to him if someone wants a blowjob. 🤷🏻‍♂️if anythung he’s be a kamikaze warrior. With c-4 straped yo his chest.

Now i got to go to work and deal with some crows. They only say one thing. Caw!!! Try havign a comversation eith that.

Ive been wondring about gods absence lately. Portent of the day. A black cat catches a mouse. Gets distracted by me. Drops it. And catches it again and trotts off. Today at the moment. Conversation is about cats and litter. As for being personally eclipsed yesterday. I refused to be around him after that. I am now working woth a different colleague. The same partner of the guy who eclipsed me. Txted me later that day asking a dumb question. He could easily get by asking the persons themselves. I responded with. “Lilith”. The eclipse happened on my natal lilith.

And apparently they pivked this out of one of the vans im supposed to load today.

Not my hand.

They all laughed and made fun. And tossed it at the manager. Him being an atheist or a satanist or some such. Makes the impression that he doesn’t like the church very much. Theres alot of gay crap tossed around. Like always.

Well, talked to another foreign doctor couldnt ynderstand half of what he was saying. I dont think he understood half of what i was saying so. Its prabably no help at all. So i got cramping meds. See if that works.

I dont thinknits working.

IBS. Apparently. Being around too much gay shit. Gives me a desease.

Fucken kirby. What fucken cokskr. Your with my partner today. Im going home vack to bed. No alwep. And meds gives me weak vision abd weak muscle. And i have 40 000 pounds to load today. Starta yelling at me. Called him aficjen cokskr and left. Sorry i give you the health and security position and that i helped not start start smoking again. Nr. Fucker whos constantly on light duty. Fuck you. Naybe upu found tgat jessus fifure for a reason. You fucken asshole. Go brush your fuxken teeth.

Well at least i dont gave the feeling likw i just got raped this morning. Add a headache to that. Coffee!!!!

Moody lunar men are ten times then women. I hope his saturn return fucks him up the ass like it did me. But, you cant get much worse of a transit. Than i did. So theres no comparison. Sorry yoo have to work today and not walk around stairing at boxes and sitting in the office. If this is how he gets without half the world fucken with him everyday. The. He’s obviously a pussy. Sorry im mad and i have no sleep. Ots an effort to walk.

So those pills seem to be working. Took longer than it said it would. But, i got to sleep around 2;45 ish this morning. Didnt get out of bed till 6:30 ish. After my alarm went off at 5. And made it to work on time. But, nooe. Cant do it today. Its an easy load. Heavy but. 40 000 thousands pounds of 100 pound boxes. Nope. Not doing it. Been doing 50-to 60 thousand pound skid orders lately. Which aren’t bad. But kirby irratates me. Walking around like he owns the place. Never load a van. Always sitting in the office. Or doing light work. And counting boxes.

Others dont sleep around here either!!! Fuck you. You stay up all night gaming. Fuck off. Think he’s mad cause im patronizing and a good parental figure for Keagan. I dont throw shit at the kid, i dont hit. Like the others do. and if he’s wasting time or does soemthign stupid. I make my pressence known. Pick that up! Where have you been?! Oh well cant be sick or downed without atleast soemone giving me a hardtimr for it. These last few years are proof of that.

Hospital is useless. They dont care there. Even the doc at the clinic was, “they didn’t ask you about that? Or soemthing like that. It was hatd to understand what he was saying simce he’s a foreigner and english isnt his 2nd language. Wont work the kid though. Cause he’s alwasy talkign about sex. Amd dick and ass. And carelessness. And goes absent regularly for half hours. Leaving you to do a two man job alone. And kirby misses more work than i do.

Het look its the same goose. Wonder if i talk to it. If it will show me his family. Like last year. And simce ingave him the position for hwalth and safety he has even more time to walk around and do nothing. But i need to het back home. Shut up and take a nap. And neither doni have a family, friends and any children. No moral interpersonal support. Fuck you. And i dont even get to see another member of the opposite sex. Im serrounded by assholes like you.

Think i got my eight hours. Too bad its midnight.

I dont want ti be alive anymore. Dont t go nj im doing tm taxes this year. They can audit me. Apparently i wrorked for 10 000s last year at walmart. And again. I never receivced my T-4s for the roofing job. I dont know if immeven hoing to be alive at the end of theis year anyway.

I do t wven know why thes epeople are doing this to me anyway. The accountant is probably fucken with me too. His too nice to me. Im gonna start calling people pussy lickers cause it cant be taken as sexual derogatory. Guess im just stuck being serrounded by people who say cokskrs all the time. Back to my childhood. And my father and my brothers. And i guess ill never know what life is not being fucked eith. 39 years and counting and it just keeps getting worse by the year.

Its hard to describe what it is being murdered by the entire fucken planet. Whatever ill just pay 3000$ from the audit. And save the headache. Trying to contact someone in charge of taxes from a large company like walmart is a mightmare. And the people there at the building at worked at will jsut play stupid. It’ll be ten times worse then trying to get an appointmen tto see a doctor. And illnprobably have to miss several days of wrok just to yse the fucken telephone. This is my entire life. From the get go. Or ill do it. And if they send me to court ill just hang myself before the trial. I dont remember the last few years have been a haze. They did pay me for a couple months after they fored me right before christmas for fake charges of sexual harrasment. Pending the “investigation”. So maybe. The only thing o remember clearly. Is god speaking to me through portents and stuff. While they tried to lasso me with queer bs. And raped my psyche. I rememeber being drugged, sleep deprived. And set up eith multiple girl while they fucked around in the background.

Hope i dont have to take these IBS pills tbe rest of my life somi dont have the feeling being raped everyday. Spekaing of which, my ass hurts. Need to take another pill.

[broadlyepi]

MMWR Booster #22: Measles, Mumps, Rubella Vaccine (PRIORIX): Recommendations of the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices — United States, 2022

Top 5 Takeaways

1. PRIORIX, a new MMR (Measles, Mumps, and Rubella) vaccine, has been licensed and recommended by the Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) in the United States as an additional option alongside the existing M-M-R II vaccine. 2. The ACIP's recommendation is based on a systematic review of PRIORIX's safety and immunogenicity, indicating its noninferiority to M-M-R II. 3. Both PRIORIX and M-M-R II are considered interchangeable for all recommended MMR vaccinations, including off-label uses. 4. The addition of PRIORIX aims to diversify the U.S. vaccine supply and maintain high vaccination coverage, crucial for preventing measles, mumps, and rubella, as well as their associated complications. 5. PRIORIX, like M-M-R II, is recommended for routine and catch-up vaccination in various age groups, with specific guidelines for dosage and administration.

Full summary link: BroadlyEpi.com

Enjoying these summaries? Check back every day at 8am and 4pm Pacific Time (UTC - 8) for a new MMWR Booster. A reblog would also be greatly appreciated, and thanks to everyone who already has! BroadlyEpi hopes to make Epidemiology and Public Health more approachable to anyone who's interested.

[dio-the-thot-exterminator]

Maximals like yogurt fr

The idea that everyone on the Axalon likes yogurt and they have a fridge dedicated to it is something that came to me late at night and I haven't stopped thinking about it so here we are.

Optimus needs his daily Activia (in his jamie lee curtis era) and has a compartment in the fridge reserved, nicely labeled and everything. He has all the flavours and enjoys restocking them when they run out. He’s very proud of it. He wishes the other Maximals would put effort into labeling their stuff but he decides it's not the end of the world if they don’t. He doesn’t mind sharing either, as long as you ask first.

Rhinox likes to eat Yoplait every so often (a snack while he works). He would have a special spoon that he uses, one he made. It’s probably colour coded and he keeps it in his toolbox. Simple flavours like strawberry, vanilla, peach, cherry are the ones he reaches for the most. He likes the version of yogurt that comes in little glass jars. Rhinox has a little collection of them, he saves it for storage and sometimes uses them to keep small flowers.

Rattrap drinks Yakult (not 100% yogurt but it is in soul and spirit) anytime he needs a “pick me up”. Before a risky mission or when he needs to repair something tedious/difficult. It reminds him of taking a shot lmao. He drinks the red version and keeps them at the very back of the fridge where it’s hard to reach. He doesn’t like sharing because it’s his special little drink. But if you’re willing to do a favour for him (something Optimus ordered him to do that he doesn’t wanna) he’ll let you have one. Don’t ask often though.

Airazor enjoys Greek yogurt parfaits. When Predacon activity is low she goes out and picks fruits n vegs for fun. She doesn’t have a specific favourite fruit, and uses all of them interchangeably. She finds them very refreshing. Airazor sometimes uses a spoon but she is not above using her hands every once in a while. She makes her parfaits fresh so she doesnt need to label much, all the ingredients she uses is “free for everyone”.

Tigatron likes Greek yogurt (plain or with cucumbers/veg). He doesnt have a spot in the fridge and only eats it if Airazor brings it to him when they are scouting.

Cheetor crunches on Gogurt all the time (he keeps them in the freezer) and he only eats the cotton candy flavour. He has no organization, literally just rips the box open and throws them in, they harden at weird angles. He doesn’t like sharing at all. And gets very defensive if someone asks for one or tries to eat what he has. He is also the first person who accuse someone of stealing his snack. But 9/10 it was just hidden or misplaced because he just threw them in randomly. He also leaves the little tubes everywhere.

Silverbolt eats the Danimals cups (does not use a spoon). He only eats yogurt in his room so no one can comment on him just shaking it into his mouth. He labels his stuff by slapping a sticky note on it and calling it a day. That being said he cleans up after himself, and harasses the other Maximals to do the same.

And Dinobot would eat anything, to be honest, and he does. He eats all of their yogurt constantly and they haven't figured it out yet because they are convinced he doesn't like it.

So whenever Dinobot raids the fridge at night he 100% he wakes up to everyone arguing.

OP: “Alright, who drank my activia 🙄 ??? I specifically put it in MY 👏compartment” C: “I don't know🤷‍♀️, but Rattrap 🐀is always eyeing this cat’s gogurt👿” RT: “😠Whoa whoa don’t look at me!🤢 I don't eat that mess! …It’s too cold, irritates my teeth👎.” SB: [Silverbolt says something cringe and his stupid theme music plays.] A: “😒 Great, glad we get to start this morning on a high note…” OP: “Rhinox you find anything 👀?” R: “Nope. 🧍Not a trace. They even disabled the spy camera I installed 🤦‍♀️”

Everyone continues to argue while Dinobot sits quietly in the background. He shakes his head and eats whatever raw meat he had left over from yesterday.

D: “🤨urgh! This is a waste of time! 🙅‍♂️I’m going on patrol 🚶‍♂️.”

He would turn and walk away before everyone could see the shit-eating grin on his face.

[booksandwords]

For Better or Worse by R. Cooper

Read time: 2 Days Rating: 5/5 Stars

The Quote: “I’m somewhere between bisexual and very, very picky.” — Javier Ramierez (aka the best extreme over simplification of a bi-demi I've ever read.)

I look up the ace tag occasionally just to see what people are reading. Fairly recently I found For Better or Worse and book written with aspec thems write by R.Cooper. R.Cooper writes and interesting style what I have read of their has been short but well paced and working within their limits, knowing the limits of the genre and the format. I have enjoyed hem. As such when I saw this I know it had to read it. I did make what may or may not have been a mistake when I decided to read it though, I decided to read For Better or Worse without reading Scott and Cole's story Hottie Scotty & Mr Porter first. While you can theoretically read them separately, there is enough groundwork included in this one to make it understandable but I think it would make just a little more sense with the background from the previous story. Scotty (as he is always refed to in this) makes an appearance in this book, in a critical point, he is important to a choice made by Javier. and Tiny (the station Chief). Scotty being a more mainline sexuality paved the way for the acceptance of the others. Or that is a least what it feels like. Let's be honest gay is easier to accept for most people than ace., even for most readers, if you aren't ace it can be difficult I think to get your head around.

Okay, now we're past that. R.Cooper writes their demisexual in a non-traditional way. He has accepted his ace-ness, he knows that. This is not coming of age, not in the least we are past that, Javi is past that. By the time the book starts Javier he is aware of and mostly comfortable with is demi identity, using it interchangably with other terms like grey and queer. This is a book that misses most of the label searching and identification. That's not the game here. The game here is friends to lovers with a queer twist. This is about knowing how to get what you want and balancing the risk vs reward, finding the courage to getgo and get it. But Javier still has moments of why am I like this, what if I wasn't. It's a brutally realistic feel. There is a moment when he chooses to weaponize his sexuality, at least the bi aspect of it. One to test the town's 'accepting' attitude by raising the pride over the fire station and the other is the trigger for the endgame, Javier kisses the (supposedly straight) fire chief Tiny.

The perspective character is Javier 'Javi' Ramirez our lovely demi. the first line kinda sets it up for him "Javier was in love. The realization echoed through his mind like church bells. Javier was in love with a passion he had never expected to feel and it took his breath away.". He is in love, in love with his neighbour and best friend, Jimmy. And this is that moment of realisaion.

This is single perspective narration so there are some surprises for the reader. We don't ever find out how old Javi is (which I appreciate as a writing choice). Javi as the narrator is less likely to think about his own age. The closest thing we get to his age is in comparison to Jimmy, Jimmy is several years younger than him. Some things that Javi didn't know that serve to build his character. We simply walk into Javier's life with little to no story. All the backstory we get is given as needed. Interestingly Cooper has chosen to limit settings to the firehouse, their houses and once or twice Javi just thinking during his walk home. Those limited settings provide an intimacy and a realness to it, especially for a homebody like Javier. On the writing style. I really didn't like the lack of marker on the section breaks. It was just annoying, especially with decent time jumps between sections

Jimmy is a good Italian Catholic boy, still speaks Italian and falls back into it occasionally. Jimmy is a lot to process he's got those qualities that are clearly admirable but a darkness and a past. Jimmy has an ex-wife, married at nineteen (divorced at twenty-one) to his best friend a good Catholic girl who found herself pregnant out of wedlock. We never met her, never learn her name and I'm okay with that, under what I refer to as the Liliana principle* I adore her anyway. Jimmy does not like labels, does not use labels and is an angry man. He has no tolerance for homophobia. I do quite like him. It is hard not to like anyone who shows that love to their dog, her name is Bacio. Everything he does that may frustrate a reader is seen through the flawed perception of Javier. A reader will likely perceive (as Peyo does) Jimmy's affection for Javi.

Javier understands his uncle's Spanglish but doesn't speak it. That Spanglish is actually kinda funny Peyo likes to speak Spanish to confuse Jimmy, to make him think he doesn't speak English. He's only doing it for Javi's good he is more than aware of Javi and Jimmy's feelings for each other and is just trying to push them together as only he can. I like the use of Spanish and Italian, it really works. For Jimmy it is a sign of exasperation (and other emotions), for Peyo it's just his first language and he likes messing with people. Okay, he likes messing with Jimmy (and Javi stays out of it).

Have a selection quotes.

“I’ll cook you dinner. Let me feed you. We’ll take the dog for a walk in the sunset. Pfft. Un par de dumbasses. Every night when he’s in your kitchen, you don’t want him to leave. He doesn’t want to leave. El perro no quiere que se vaya. Every night you are over there, I wake up to find you aquí, en un sueño, staring. Tu es gay.” — (Uncle Peyo) I really like Uncle Peyo. He's a meddler, him and Tiny. Translation: A couple of dumbasses.Every night when he’s in your kitchen, you don’t want him to leave. He doesn’t want to leave.The dog doesn't want him to go. Every night you are over there, I wake up to find you here, in a dream, staring. You are gay.

“I hope they say I’m secretly dating you.” Javier surprised himself again with a joke. Tiny shook his head. “No one would believe that,” he insisted. “I’m hopeless in the kitchen.” Which was true since Tiny’s turn to cook almost always involved cans of salsa or chili poured into mac and cheese. Javier was about to comment when Tiny grinned. He startled the shit out of Javier by adding, “And you, Ramirez, don’t want anyone in your kitchen unless they know what they’re doing in there.” — (Javier and Tiny) Okay so all I could think when I read this was Tiny you perceptive f**ker. But also fair point.

The sky was somewhere between gray and blue, and the flag was bright. Vivid. Flaming, he thought, with too much energy, before forcing himself to calm. Loud, he decided. Present, which was better but not enough. Then, beautiful. — (Javier) This is Javi as he sees the Pride flag flying outside the firehouse for the first time. 🏳‍🌈 I just this it is a beautiful line. I know I've had a moment like this seeing it fly in unusual places.

“I’m Marilyn Monroe now?” Javier wondered first. “You’d think I’d be Salma Hayek at least.” — (Javier) Don't knock Marilyn like that. She's an icon. An adopted queer icon (but only because she never claimed the term). I would like to direct you to a tumblr thread started by the-bright-path which discusses Ms Monroe.

“God, what a relief it might be not to have those feelings lighting you up from the inside all the time. But maybe it’s torture too, in a different way. If I didn’t feel this, what else would I have?” — (Jimmy) This is such a brilliant piece of perceptive writing. It is brilliant to see an acknowledgement that the lack of sexual attraction brings with it a whole lot of other issues.

“Do aces have a flag?” he wondered, teasing or serious, it was impossible to tell. “Is it gray? Tell me it’s not gray.” “It has some gray,” Javier admitted, although he found the ace colors striking. — (Jimmy and Javier) I really like the Ace flag and others in its family among others demi and aro too.

*Liliana principle is named after Liliana from the Chronicles of Nick series, Caleb's deceased human wife. She was a highly influential character in the life of her husband until they parted ways. But we never meet her. Her influence is so great that without her the series essentially wouldn't exist. As such she is near-universally beloved by fans. There is a whole range of primarily female characters who fit this mould that I've stumbled across since.

God this review is so messy.

[allcalculator]

Tire Size Calculator - Calculate Your Car's Tire Size

How Important Is Tire Size?

With a larger tire, your vehicle will have a more secure grip on the road because it covers more surface area. The more contact your vehicle has with the pavement, the better its handling and manoeuvrability. Tires are a part of the wheel setup, not interchangeable words. They are an integral part of the wheel setup. Generally, a vehicle with bigger rims can accommodate larger tires than a smaller one. It is also possible to buy tires that are smaller than your vehicle's rims, as long as their middle is the correct size though find out yours with Allcalculator.net’s tire size calculator. 

Tire Sizes: How to Read Them?

In the market for new tires, you'll find size names 235/75R15 and P215/65R15. These labels are confusing at first, but once you learn how to read them, they become much easier to understand with tire size calculator. Usually, three numbers and sometimes letters are usually found on the slash symbol's left side. The numbers indicate how wide the tires are, in millimetres, from sidewall to sidewall. The larger the number, the wider the tire covers. 

Letters on the left side refer to the type of tire. Examples include:

When there is no letter means the tire meets European standards. The two types of tires have different load capacities. The letter P indicates that the tire is made to meet U.S. standards. 

A light truck tire size begins with an "LT," which means it is meant for use on light trucks. These tires have a higher psi recommendation to handle trailers and heavier loads better than regular truck tires.

These tires are only used on trailer wheels if marked "ST.".

An example would be a tire size P215/65R15, which indicates that it is for a passenger vehicle and measures 215 millimetres wide. The right side of the slash symbol has two numbers, a letter, and two more numbers. For example, the P215/65R15 tire has a sidewall height of 65, meaning its width is 65% as large as its height. These numbers represent the aspect ratio of the tire's height to its width. You'll find the tire's construction method beside the slash, typical "R" or radial. Radial layers run across the tire, meaning they run across it radially. As you can see, the last number represents the size of the wheel the tire fits. In our example, the number 15 indicates the tire will fit wheels with a diameter of 15 inches. 

What is the effect of wheel size on your car's performance?

From the alloy rims to the tyres and all their features, such as thickness, sidewall, tread and so on, we are using the word "wheel" to refer to all components of this crucial part of our car. Media attention is often more focused on appearance than technical aspects, which can lead to a misperception that the overall size of the four wheels can impact engine performance and fuel economy more than looks. This topic applies not only to supercars but also to the regular vehicles we drive daily. 

We will explain how wheel size affects car performance with a practical example: a tyre change on a Fiat 500. In our example, the owner selected 185/55 R15 Pirelli Cinturato P1. Let's take a moment to describe what these numbers mean: the first – 185 in this example – is the tire's width in millimetres. This metric is the sidewall height ratio to the tyre's width. It indicates the tyre's internal construction as radial, while the rim diameter is expressed in inches. A wheel's total diameter must be accurately calculated with Allcalculator.net’s tire size calculator to understand how its size influences performance.

How to check tire size for your vehicle?

Easily determine which tyres fit your vehicle by entering your vehicle's details on our website. A list of all tyres that fit your car will be automatically generated once you enter your make, model, trim and year of manufacture. You may need to know what size of tyres you need; however, if you have aftermarket alloy wheels on your car that are different from the original wheels. The easiest way to determine the size of your existing tyre is simply by checking the sidewall with Allcalculator.net’s tire size calculator. Each tyre manufacturer will list all the information you need to know on the sidewall, such as speed and load ratings.

[bunkershotgolf]

Paradym Drivers from Callaway

By ED TRAVIS

Callaway Golf has announced the new Paradym club family that includes drivers, fairway woods, hybrids, and irons. The new driver lineup has three models Callaway says are targeted to fill the needs of a variety of player skill levels.

Fast Facts Callaway Paradym series drivers Forged carbon fiber sole Triaxial carbon crown Titanium face variable thickness insert Jailbreak internal stiffener Adjustable hosel Stock shafts: Aldila Ascent PL Blue, Project X Hzrdus, Mitsubishi Kai’LI Stock Grip: Golf Pride Velvet $599.99 at retail Feb.24, 2023 Paradym Game-improvement category 15-gram sliding weight in skirt Paradym X Super game-improvement category Draw bias Paradym Triple Diamond Better player category 450cc head Interchangeable front & back weights

WYNTK Callaway has labelled their new family of clubs Paradym as in a “paradigm shift” to reflect how the design departs from the usual interplay of forgiveness and distance. The drivers use the company’s first all carbon chassis thus eliminating titanium which has been the industry standard particularly for drivers. Each of the three driver models again make use of a forged titanium face created using Callaway’s AI software as seen in previous models.

With the substitution of carbon, which is lighter than titanium, in the crown, sole and body the overall clubhead weight is 44% less plus the internal Jailbreak torsion control stiffener has 33% less weight and was also designed with the AI software.

The idea was to make a driver that changes the usual tradeoff between distance, which generally means a driver that’s harder to hit, and forgiveness meaning one that is easier to hit. The goal was to maximize distance while also maximizing ball speed should impact be off center. The carbon fiber body or chassis and other weight savings allowed engineers to relocate weight so that stability and distance are improved while helping decrease dispersion and increase the overall MOI.

Evan Gibbs (R&D Woods Director) said, “The Standard Model with the sliding weight is going to fit the broadest segment of player, it’s the head shape that’s going to appeal to the most players, plus it’s the highest MOI model. And with that APW, you’ve got an opportunity to influence the shot shape. If you need a little more draw bias, you can go to the Paradym X with the slightly larger footprint, more draw bias, and higher launch and the most forgiveness. Lastly the Triple Diamond is going to appeal to better players, it’s going to be our #1 model on Tour, very neutral trajectory, and interchangeable weights.”