#all quotes are loose paraphrases as i have no way of listening back to what was said during the panels

[invinciblerodent]

I just saw that person who was searching for your Gale shibari post through the naughty confessions blog and yes, they are so right, you are so right, this dynamic has me in a chokehold now. Tense, extremely strong, "submitting to finally, finally relax" woman and just infinitely generous frail man who is all about service whatever position that puts him in? Delicious, 10/10, gimme.

Also, Gale dying ropes, so they look beautiful against her skin? Soooo goooood.

(I hope we're not weirding you out, thank you for listening)

Aaaah, you're not weirding me out at all Anon, I love this, I'm so happy you enjoyed my silly little post!! ❤️ (linking it again for context yay)

Tbh I fully didn't intend for this dynamic for that playthrough, but it just... it works so well, exactly in the way you described! I worded it to my partner as "the frail man who knows everything and the strong woman who knows nothing", and it's just such an oddly compelling contrast of his intellectualism and her physicality, that I can't help but fall a little bit in love with it.

Like this is... not really a kink I can say I've explored a lot, but from what little I knew and could look into, it just... makes more and more sense, the more I think about it. The idea of him "serving" by taking the control that's offered willingly, with giving it to him being her way of taking said control back? That by making the simple act of making love into an elaborate art form (as he can canonically do already), he can love her by creating an environment in which she can finally allow herself to believe that she actually is the soft, beautiful person he already sees in her?

I mean hell, creating environments is something that he already does in both his scenes in-game: that also is a thing that I feel works unexpectedly well, that Gale's "thing" (with the hard quote-unquote) seems to be whisking the PC away into an elaborate illusion of his making. Creating an illusory world for just the two of them, and creating a scene in the physical world that allows them to be their naked selves, are not so different after all.

(And, of course, there's that line I'm paraphrasing from the Dark Urge scene, that "I'm willing to do that for you", it also has me gnashing my teeth a little bit lol- I think if it were up to him, he would probably prefer to have his lover able to put their arms around him during sex, but he's nothing if not accommodating. If he's willing to work with illithid anatomy, I see no reason to think he wouldn't be willing to work with someone who's afraid to hold him unrestrained, lest they snap him in two.)

(I mean fuck, it's an elaborate, deeply erotic expression of love and intimacy with his beloved, AND it involves him learning a new, intricate skill? Win-win-win for him, honestly.)

Plus, I just... really kind of like thinking about how sinewy muscles coiled spring-tight would slowly relax under an infinitely gentle touch, and give way to the inherent softness of her. This character is already sort of a rudimentary little exploration of a "nature vs. nurture" type of thing for me: I play her early-game, fully amnesiac character as someone who is inherently very kind and friendly and trying her best to be good- in my mind, it was circumstance, and the divine influence that made her harden.

I feel it works really well that, when not posed to strike, her legs would finally be allowed to be plush and pliant, her stomach would unclench and be soft and ticklish, and her head would roll onto his shoulder as she lets herself relax into him- loose, supple, yielding against his gentle strength.

It's appealing how like this, it can be Gale (whose "domain" is moreso illusion and the metaphysical) who can support her physically then, not to mention that with her being so... well, objectively small, even his below-average strength can manipulate her flexible and willing body with ease...

And of course, the rope itself is an adornment! Gale has an eye for beauty, the finer things: to take something that's more or less a necessity and twist it into a way to pay homage to the allure of his beloved, that's just very him, I think. (Since my character is a dark grey drow, I primarily imagine a blinding, raw white, which would be especially beautiful in contrast with her skin, and with her hair let down- hidden behind a curtain of it, the rope would look almost like a part of that very hair itself, native as if it had been spun from her, and the only spot of color is her deep, rust-red eyes.)

((And you know the winding down is also in itself a part of the process, probably even his favorite one. Slowly releasing the tension of the rope is like dragging the stress from her very joints themselves, and afterwards, when she's still loose and pliant, she would be able to snuggle into his arms, and there could be a rare moment of unrestrained peace. At least for a little while.)) ((Better fuck her so good that she can't think herself into a panic for a long time.))

I imagine that under Bhaal's compulsion, this is an "every time" type of thing (part security measure, part reassurance), and that afterwards, as she's slowly letting herself heal from it in the years that follow, they continue partly for the artistry and the excitement, and party as the expression of trust and love that it is.

I don't know how to end this ramble, please accept a cute screenshot of my girl instead

(I really like it when her hair is on her shoulder like that. Not many of the vanilla hairstyles work for a martial artist imo, but I don't really wanna mod them in... Last I tried, the next patch somehow broke my game so bad, I had to remake her entirely lol. Good thing I was all of 10 seconds out of the pod with her then.)

[whyissupernaturaltrending]

October 16, 2021 - Supernatural trends as things happen during Jensen's and then Misha's panels at Con in Denver.

This weekend, Creation Con in Denver is taking place. There have been several panels so far, including: Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster, Gil McKinney and Adam Fergus, as well as Jake Abel. But it’s the Jensen Ackles’ and Misha Collins’ panels that gathered the most attention and made Supernatural trending.

Even before the panel started, Tumblr tried to stop spn from trending [x]. Which might've been a not awful idea /j.

Tonight’s events have been a mess. It all started with news of Jensen’s wearing a denim shirt, which made people post like crazy. He changed for the panel though. Right at the beginning Jensen made a short introduction and mentioned finale, which was booed by the fans. He also said that he hasn’t mourned the show and Dean as he’s not gone and mentioned a comeback in three years. Admitted that during Dean’s death scene, there had been plans to make Dean lay down as Sam cradled him, which Jensen said he’d fought to change as “Dean needed to be on his feet” and that if “Dean was going to die, he was going to die standing.” He admitted that the Sam and Dean bridge scene in the finale had been planned from the beginning.

When asked about this scene and what Dean would’ve done if it’d really been Castiel, Jensen said that “we got a glimpse of that when Dean ran up the stairs” and that it would’ve been a “huge embrace.” When asked about how Dean would’ve acted had Jack been a girl, he said that it would’ve been the same and that “we don’t know what Jack identifies as” which caused a ton of discussion [x]. Then he added that Dean would’ve “glanced at her more,” which enraged a lot of fans, considering that Jack was a child and a lot of people see Dean as one of his parental figures - there’s been a lot of discussion about this part [x] [x] [x] [x].

Soon after, Misha entered the stage [panel available here]. He talked about Cas a bit more. One of the fans asked him about Cas’ version of heaven. He mentioned the bunker and the Impala. He added that “I’m not supposed to talk about this, this is not canon, but I imagine him being kinda sad and lonely on the one hand, but kinda happy that he expressed himself. Contentment, but melancholy too.” [x] When asked about what relationships he’d like to see more developed, he said Cas and God, and added that he could imagine another series exploring more of Cas and Dean’s and Cas and Claire’s relationships. He also admitted that the confession scene was one of his favorites.

Misha’s panel ended abruptly during one of the questions asked by a fan dealing with their father's death, when Jensen and Jared suddenly entered the stage. This also caused a lot of anger and discussions [x] [x] [x].

Some other summaries: [x] [x] [x] [x].

[bestworstcase]

Sugracha for the character ask, if it’s not too late?

it’s never too late to talk about my GIRL

What I love about them:

i could probably write a whole ramble about how the disciples are an evil mirror of the main trio even though tts failed abysmally to take advantage of this bUT suffice it to say sugracha is just evil rapunzel™️ and i love that for her. actually no not suffice it to say because i need everyone to understand that i am absolutely dead serious about this and it goes WELL beyond them both being artists -

1. they approach their art in diametrically opposed ways rapunzel is all about expressionism and has a very loose, colorful style whereas sugracha is exacting and detailed, approaching art as a way of seeing - we could also get into how painting is for rapunzel a means of processing the past whereas for sugracha it’s a means of determining the future tbh. the point is they stand at totally opposite ends of the artistic scale.

2. rapunzel’s friendliness and genuine love for people is hampered by her lack of social skills, understanding of societal mores, and poor empathy/inability to really listen to people - this is a recurring thread. sugracha’s friendliness is made sinister by her malicious intentions but she has the charisma and keen understanding of what motivates people to successfully lure people in - she has an insightfulness that rapunzel does not which enables her to succeed in ways rapunzel could not.

3. rapunzel’s passion is exuberant and unrestrained and indiscriminate: she is excited about life and people and learning new things, she wants to see the world and experience whatever life throws at her. sugracha’s passion is singular in focus and tightly controlled, which i would argue makes it more potent because she can channel the full force of it into pursuit of a single goal, which again is not something i think rapunzel could sustain.

4. the obvious reading of PB is rapunzel as a representation of choice and sugracha as her natural opposite but i find it very interesting that sugracha specifically uses the phrase “making difficult choices is part of life” and rapunzel ultimately rejects this by saying “making difficult choices is what makes us who we are” (i’m paraphrasing here so this is not an exact quote). because! quite apart from the whole mind control issue, rather than being a compulsion vs choice issue i like to read this as a choices are imposed by external forces (life itself demands that we make choices) vs choices are motivated from within (our intrinsic desires demand that we make choices) aND.

4a. this distinction imo is what defines their relationships with zhan tiri (this is getting wildly into headcanon territory with sugracha but please bear with me): rapunzel views zhan tiri as a force or being antithetical to the world she wants to live in and must therefore repeatedly make the choice to stand against her because to do otherwise would be to deny the demands of her own heart; meanwhile sugracha views zhan tiri as a natural, inevitable force and the choice to resist that—to not embrace zhan tiri and what she stands for, to not be consumed with obsession for her—is to her just as unthinkable as submission is to rapunzel.

5. which is an interesting contrast because rapunzel as a character is incredibly passive - she is a reactive protagonist throughout all three seasons and seldom if ever takes the initiative to drive the plot forward herself, with most plot progression coming from either the assistance of secondary characters or from the attacks of villainous ones - whereas sugracha is incredibly active - the instant she’s released she constructs and executes an intricate plan to free zhan tiri.

5a. what i’m getting at here is i think rapunzel’s intrinsic motivations are very weak which leads to her not acting unless she is acutely in distress or otherwise in crisis, whereas sugracha’s external motivations are so profound and all-encompassing that she has no choice but to act.

ANYWAY. all of this to say that i really do think sugracha represents the worst extremes and excesses of rapunzel’s flaws: even the externality of her art and her choices are in a way reflective of rapunzel’s passivity - where rapunzel relies on intrinsic motivations that only compel her to action when the situation feels truly dire or when other people force her to make a decision, sugracha is focused so thoroughly on exterior goals and passions that her intrinsic desires don’t even matter…so unlike rapunzel she is literally incapable of complacency or being paralyzed by indecision, both of which are things rapunzel’s weak intrinsic motivation and hesitancy to commit to choices lead her to struggle with.

and i am just…completely obsessed with all of this i think about sugracha CONSTANTLY

What I hate about them:

why in the FUCK was she only in one episode

Favorite Moment/Quote:

“my dear, whether or not they fall is completely up to you. finish my spell, and i’ll spare them. the choice is yours.” bonus points for the fucking SICK animation as she transforms from her ghost form into sugarby again.

i also love the way her voice sinks and unfolds out of the cutesy old lady voice she affected as sugarby when she reveals herself as sugracha i hear “please, sugarby was merely the vessel i chose to suit my purpose” and i go bonkers every time

What I would like to see more focus on:

i would like it if LITERALLY ANYONE BESIDES ME wrote about her. 14 fics on ao3 and two of them are mine and seven of them are weird kink fics with a gazillion characters tagged -__-

What I would like to see less focus on:

no 💚 ask me again when more people have given her the attention she deserves

Favorite pairing with:

i’m very fond of gothel as sugracha’s shitty ex i think it’s very fun

also like she definitely crushed hard on zhan tiri back in the day we’re all in agreement about that right

Favorite friendship:

they literally do not interact in canon but she and tromus both have such strong personalities that the evil brotp basically writes itself

NOTP:

do people ship her with tromus. he is a man and she is a woman so i can only assume that someone somewhere thought ‘i bet they were tOgEtHeR’ and. no 💚

Favorite headcanon:

*crazed waving at the third act of benighted*

[harrowdubois]

okay, i said if there was interest i would think about making a post listing all the references i squeezed into the locked tomb fic i spent the last month or so writing, and now i’ve realised i don’t care if there’s interest because i want to be self-indulgent SO

under the cut is a (somewhat spoilery) chronological list of all the memes, vines, and cribbed tumblr posts, as well as homages to various books, tv shows, song lyrics, etc. that made their way into blessed with a wilder mind! 

(cw for suicide mention)

this is of course a reference to the legendary bodybuilding forum thread where they did, actually, argue over how many days there are in a week (cw for ableist slurs in the thread)

---

buzzfeed unsolved meme. i am dirt and i love to eat dirt

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this is so well-known it’s almost not worth listing it but oh my god they were roommates

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in itself, this isn’t a reference to anything in particular, but if you didn’t do this on your first read then i’d recommend taking another look at this scene and thinking about the specific wuthering heights/frankenstein/rebecca excerpts discussed by harrow and mercymorn but in relation to canon!harrow’s trauma/relationship with the body in htn :~) 

---

also not really a reference to anything in particular but when i looked back over the fic for this post it struck me that the ‘sex panther’ phrasing was probably at least partially unconsciously inspired by the shoebox project (professor mcgonagall’s oiled man panther was a formative moment for me, truly)

---

cw gross/unsanitary: it’s the tinder poop window incident. i mentioned this in the end notes of the fic as being what i had in mind for that scene but if it’s too gross for you (UNDERSTANDABLY) then feel free to Death Of The Author me to your heart’s content!

---

i listened to a lot of orville peck while writing this

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 very very very loosely inspired by this clickhole article

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respectively: fourth of july by sufjan stevens / wuthering heights by emily bronte

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TWO BROS, CHILLIN IN A HOT TUB, FIVE FEET APART BECAUSE THEY’RE NOT GAY

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there was absolutely no need to stretch this across three paragraphs, and yet

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iconic

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i already linked to this one in the end notes of the fic itself, but it’s good, so here it is again

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 i can’t find the actual original post but it’s this fucking horrible thing 

---

the last line is a reference to the secret history by donna tartt:

“Could it be because it reminds us that we are alive, of our mortality, of our individual souls- which, after all, we are too afraid to surrender but yet make us feel more miserable than any other thing? But isn't it also pain that often makes us most aware of self? It is a terrible thing to learn as a child that one is a being separate from the world, that no one and no thing hurts along with one's burned tongues and skinned knees, that one's aches and pains are all one’s own. Even more terrible, as we grow old, to learn that no person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us. Our own selves make us most unhappy, and that's why we're so anxious to lose them, don't you think?”

---

a lyrical double whammy!

from ‘last words of a shooting star’ by mitski: “they’ll never know how i’d stared at the dark in that room with no thoughts like a blood-sniffing shark”

from ‘a better son/daughter’ by rilo kiley: “sometimes in the morning i am petrified but can’t move/awake but cannot open my eyes” 

---

*

shout-out to maybe my single favourite video game moment, the encounter with the sky cat in night in the woods: “There is a hole at the center of everything, and it is always growing. Between the stars I am seeing it. It is coming, and you are not escaping, and the universe is forgetting you, and the universe is being forgotten, and there is nothing to remember it, not even the things beyond. And now there is only the hole... You are atoms, and your atoms are not caring if you are existing. Your atoms are monstrous existence.”

---

“Nothing is ever fulfilled, not until the very end.” - rust cohle, true detective s1, this reference is VERY tonally dissonant because in context it’s actually grim as all hell but w/e w/e i couldn’t resist the shout-out

also harrow quotes from the goldfinch again here! i had the reference included before i read this post and realised tamsyn muir also quotes from the secret history in htn. terrible synergy 

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they are in fact all real. you’re welcome

---

this one’s doing a lot of work lmao. it’s paying homage to this quote by tamsyn muir talking about the draco-in-leather-pants trope in relation to ianthe by loosely referencing drop dead gorgeous, the best drarry fic ever written, in which harry is part veela

---

“It's a very Greek idea, and a very profound one. Beauty is terror. Whatever we call beautiful, we quiver before it. And what could be more terrifying and beautiful, to souls like the Greeks or our own, than to lose control completely? To throw off the chains of being for an instant, to shatter the accident of our mortal selves? Euripides speaks of the Maenads: head thrown I back, throat to the stars, "more like deer than human being." To be absolutely free! One is quite capable, of course, of working out these destructive passions in more vulgar and less efficient ways. But how glorious to release them in a single burst! To sing, to scream, to dance barefoot in the woods in the dead of night, with no more awareness of mortality than an animal! These are powerful mysteries. The bellowing of bulls. Springs of honey bubbling from the ground. If we are strong enough in our souls we can rip away the veil and look that naked, terrible beauty right in the face; let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones. Then spit us out reborn.” - that’s right it’s another reference to the secret history, with a little bit of mary oliver (tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?) sprinkled on top for flavour

--- 

a small one, but it’s the goldfinch again: “And I feel I have something very urgent and serious to say to you, my non-existent reader, and I feel I should say it as urgently as if I were standing in the room with you...”

---

my FUCKING cinnamon apple

 what if i... put my minecraft bed.... next to yours... aha ha just kidding.... unless?

---

[cw: suicide discussion in these next two]

*

robyn can have little a rust cohle quote, as a treat.

1. “I'd consider myself a realist, all right? But in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist... I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self-aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures that should not exist by natural law... We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, that accretion of sensory experience and feelings, programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody's nobody... I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction; one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal.”

2. “This... This is what I'm talking about. This is what I mean when I'm talkin' about time, and death, and futility. All right, there are broader ideas at work, mainly what is owed between us as a society for our mutual illusions. Fourteen straight hours of staring at DBs, these are the things you think of. You ever done that? You look in their eyes, even in a picture, doesn't matter if they're dead or alive, you can still read 'em. You know what you see? They welcomed it... Not at first, but... right there in the last instant. It's an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just... let go. Yeah, they saw, in that last nanosecond, they saw... what they were. You, yourself, this whole big drama, it was never more than a jerry-rig of presumption and dumb will, and you could just let go. To finally know that you didn't have to hold on so tight. To realize that all your life - you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain - it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.”

---

ahaaa this one’s particularly rough. evil monkey no one alive dot jpg

“Later, that dozy embrace solidified in his memory as the single moment of artless, charmed happiness in their separate and difficult lives. Nothing marred it, even the knowledge that Ennis would not then embrace him face to face because he did not want to see or feel that it was Jack he held. And maybe, he thought, they’d never got much farther than that. Let be, let be.” - annie proulx, brokeback mountain

---

a TRIPLE lyrical whammy!

- harrow’s words to gideon in the dream are a bit of a vague reference to the song ‘adventures in solitude’ by the new pornographers (”we thought we lost you/welcome back”) - gideon’s words to harrow are a reference to the song ‘blush’ by wolf alice (”you’ve got two hands to take all you can/but don’t take too long”) - what harrow texts to gideon is a line from ‘about today’ by the national, aka the most devastating song ever written (”hey, are you awake?/yeah i’m right here”...)

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i CANNOT find a clip of it but harrow’s repetition of “life is short... it’s short” was me paraphrasing from memory a line from pride (2014), because i am the worst

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spooky scary skeletons! 

“jail for gideon” is obviously a reference to the “jail for mother” tweet that tm also referenced in htn. so, not original in the slightest, but it’s a great tweet

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one of my favourite tumblr posts

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because naberius tern absolutely would watch rick and morty. he would. i know it in my heart. 

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and that’s it, i think. hope you enjoyed this horrid little post and my horrid little fic!

[houseofvans]

ART SCHOOL | Q&A with Martin Ontiveros (PDX)

The art wizardry of Portland based Martin Ontiveros has appeared in various galleries, albums, posters and has even been transformed into diabolical toys and figurines. Ontiveros’s graphic ink and brush style is meticulous and bold, transforming his horned and demonic creations into fun and bad-ass pop occultism. We’re excited to chat with this ink sorcerer in our latest Art School where we talk about technique, studio days, and what is coming up for him the rest of this year. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist.

Introduce yourself?   Hello, I’m Martin Ontiveros, also known as Martinheadrocks, illustrator and wizard. “Marty” to my closest friends and family. I live in Portland Oregon, I’m left-handed/ambidexterous and I have a large ginger cat/familiar named Zeus. Nice to meet you.

How do you describe your art to folks who have never seen it before? Pop-occultism? Creature Chic? What you might find inside an ancient tomb or temple from a previously unknown civilization.

Who were some of your early artistic influences that really inspired you to draw? It started with Star Wars in 1977, and Mad Magazine, especially the work of Jack Davis. Childrens book art by Jim Flora. Books and movies about UFOs, cryptids, phenomena, ghosts and black magic when I was a kid. Later it was Heavy Metal Magazine and the underground artists of the 60s and 70s, S. Clay Wilson, Greg Irons, Spain, etc. 80’s punk and metal pioneer artists like Mad Mark Rude and Pushead. Derek Riggs and his Iron Maiden covers. 

Lots of rock album art. Fantasy/conceptual artists like Mike Ploog, Boris Vallejo, Frazetta, Richard Corben. That was all the stuff that built up the desire, but what really got me drawing were the indie comics of the 80s with people like Marc Hansen, Matt Wagner, the Pander Bros, David Boswell, Dori Seda, Mary Fleener. I really really wanted to make comics by the time I was 17-18. I’ve since discovered it’s not for me. Art of the Ancient World, Mesopotamian and Mesoamerican in particular. There’s more to this list, I’m an old man now and have seen a lot, but we don’t have all day.

What’s a day like in the studio for you? And take us through your artist process –from start to finish on a piece. I used to start work when it was already well into the evening and would go until after the dawn, but in the last couple years I’ve reversed that schedule. Now I usually get up around 4am. I still get the benefits of nocturnal studio time that way, at least until the sun is up—no one bothers me and it’s quiet. I’ve become a Daywalker—I have all of the vamipre’s strengths and none of the weaknesses.

 A typical day is trying to stay focused while fending off my own distractions (I’m ADD) and steering around having to leave the house for anything, ha. I always start with a bit of doodling to warm up a little, then jot down a thumbnail sketch of whatever’s on the agenda that day—usually very small and rough, just to set the composition and borders. 

Sometimes I’ll spend extra time fleshing out details on certain aspects of the drawing, say a helmet or insignia. Then I’ll figure out my dimensions and either draw to size or use my trusty proportion wheel to do it smaller if need be. Next is the hard pencil stage. I like using 2H or 3H lead which is rough on the paper but much less messy than a soft lead. I don’t work with a loose outline, I need a solid and tight map to work from and when I have it on lock, I’ll transfer it to my final surface. 

That method goes for both a black and white ink piece or a painting. I’ll warm the brush up by laying our some strokes on scrap paper and when I feel like I got a grip on it, off I go. If it’s a painting, I lay all the color and shading out first, then put down the linework. And even if my pencils were tight, there’s always room for improvisation, a tweak or two, especially when I’m inking—some happy accidents come up now and then. I should mention that I sometimes have to chuck a drawing and start the process all over again, even if it’s close to completion because if it isn’t working, screw it. It seems wasteful and time consuming and I could probably avoid it by going digital, but I choose to do it old school.

What’s your tool of the trade medium-wise? And is there a new medium you’re looking to try in 2018? I swear by my brush and ink. Nothing gives me more satisfaction. The artists I’ve always admired most are handy with a brush line. Not to say I don’t like pens, it’s just that I’m not as steady using one and leave them for doodling. I love papier mache, it’s not a new medium to me, but I’ve yet to know how to make the time to do it more so let’s say that that is my goal for 2018. If there was any other medium that I’d choose to do over drawing, it would be that.

You’ve worked on many collaborations with bands and created some awesome cover art and posters. What has been your favorite collaboration and what would be a dream collaboration be? Oooh. That’s a toughy. I did a tour shirt for Mastodon this past year and I have to say that was likely the pinnacle so far. When I caught their show later, it was thrilling to see people buying it at the merch table and to know there’s maybe hundreds more out there wearing it. Dream collaboration…probably the Melvins. Or Alice Cooper? But with the Melvins I know I could just probably do me and not worry about whether or not I’m a good fit. I’m not what you would call “conventional”.

What are you listening to when you’re painting your various creatures and demons? Give us five bands you’re checking out at the moment. I listen to music when I sketch/conceptualize and switch to podcasts or play a favorite movie or show when I’m really into the process, it’s comforting to hear people talk during the heavy work for some reason. It’s another long list but some of my go-to bands are High On Fire, Sleep, Windhand, Black Cobra and Slayer. That’s if I want it crushing. If I’m doing something trippier, it’ll be Om, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, Dead Meadow, that kind of thing. Podcasts are generally true crime or comedy.

What’s been the hardest challenge being an artist? What do you tell folks who want to travel down a similar path? I don’t recall the artist’s name who said it, but to paraphrase, the quote was that art can often be a dark and lonely pursuit for us. I believe he was referring more to the fact that we spend a lot of our time working in solitude which is inherent, yet it can also weigh you down emotionally. That really speaks to me, even more so because I’ve also wrestled with depression for most of my life. 

Your work can be so entwined with your sense of self-worth, so I suppose the hardest challenge for me is to not let my heart sink when something I make doesn’t receive the attention I hope to get for it. People can be fickle though. I try to remember that, and move on to the next thing. With that in mind I guess I tell folks to make sure they get out of their lairs when possible and share their frustrations with other artist friends, foster a support group of sorts because it helps to know you aren’t alone out there with all these feelings. That and maintain a regular paying job when they start out, because man…it can be tough making a living at it.

In another dimension, what would you be if you weren’t an artist? I’d be that weird old sorcerer living somewhere in the woods that the villagers speak of in whispers. Benevolent, but not to be trifled with. So, not too much different from what I am in this dimension, just with blue skin, maybe.

What are your favorite Vans?  Chukka Low? Old Skool? Era? (I had to look up the actual names). Basically low padded ankle with laces, and always dark colors with a black toe because I don’t like my vision being drawn down to my feet moving under me. I honestly don’t wear any other brand of kicks. I keep a pair of Slip-Ons for doing things around the house. Vans makes good jeans too.

What’s the art scene like in your part of the woods? What do you like the most about where you’re living these days? The scene that I know here is primarily illustration, at least that’s what I keep my eyes out for. Lots of sweet, supportive people without attitude and many that are good friends. There aren’t as many galleries as there used to be but there are other venues to get your work out there. I’m now in a part of SE that I’ve never lived in before, at the edge of being outside of Portland proper but only just so. It’s mellow and quiet here and most things I need are within walking distance. I got a couple stores, a good Mexican food place, a bar, you get my drift. I do wish some of my besties lived closer by though. And a decent art supply store.

Since this feature is called Art School, can you give us your most helpful art tip? This probably won’t make me popular by saying it, but learn the difference between homage and theft. Yes, it’s fun to pay tribute to an artist’s style or someone else’s pop culture/intellectual property now and then, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it, not shaming that…but the difference is, if ALL you’re doing is copying, it comes off as creatively lazy. I don’t care how many followers you may gain from it. Come on. If you’re skilled enough to copy someone else’s shit, you’re skilled enough to make up your own content. Raise the bar, people. Don’t lower it.

What’s on the horizon for 2018? New merch in my shop, a group show in Mexico City, more band stuff, my first trip to NY ever, toy releases, designs and customs, a collaboration or two, hopefully a couple of conventions later in the warm months. I’d like get back into painting on a larger scale and figure out how to take it slower in general, make my work really level up, you know? There’s always room for improvement!  

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[catiyas]

The Heat

"Do you know what the secret of life is? It's people who change people."

I’ll tell you the truth, my favorite days are the ones where your internal body temperature and the air temperature are almost the same, a hundred degrees, a breeze, sweat blowing off you. They are the days when the barrier between you and the everything almost disappears, a feeling of having given over all of you to the air, and in that heat, anything can happen. This feeling will come back later.

The quote at the top came from Zeyba Rahman, program officer for the Doris Duke Foundation, quoting a 6 year-old boy, Jibran in a recent presentation on working with undocumented and at-risk artists at the recent Americans for the Arts convention. It was the capping quote to a week where I had spent the Wednesday morning sitting on the keynote panel for the Minnesota Council of Nonprofits Leadership Conference, flown to Denver for an IdeaLab event with the amazing Youth on Record crew, and then been part of the AFTA convention. It was a week of professional highs and led into week following full with hosting a poetry reading for World Refugee Day, board meetings, and an open house and community celebration of Springboard for the Arts’ new building at 262 University Avenue West. This has been a breathless time, rolling forward.

Before the MCN Leadership Conference, I had shared that I would be on the panel, and someone had commented that they were excited to hear my thoughts, which, to be fair, I was too. In a panel conversation there are an infinite number of thoughts to share and directions to go, and the best part of a conversation with authentic, genuine leaders like the other panelists – Adair Mosley, president and chief executive officer, Pillsbury United Communities; Angie Miller, executive director, Community Action Duluth; Liwanag Q. Ojala, chief executive officer, CaringBridge; and Sook Jin Ong, director, Future Services Institute, Humphrey School of Public Affairs – is to have a chance to listen.

We had been asked to speak about what real community engagement looks like and how to lead with that frame, and there were a great number of practical points around keeping accessible hours, paying people and supporting them through food, childcare, and other needs that stop people from engaging. There were aspirational self-care goals – both Miller and Ojala don’t have work email on their phones – and inspirational stories about stepping up to the challenge of leading. But the thing that has sat with me the longest was a quote from Mosely, himself paraphrasing another leader – “We have two things to offer people living at the margins; our hubris or our humility.” Our hubris is in telling people what they need, our humility is in accepting the stories and knowledge of people, and trusting their ability to tell you what they need. There is a great concept from Augusto Boal’s theater and therapy practice about respecting the reality of the protagonist – that even if you do not believe what someone is telling you is real, you must acknowledge that they are perceiving and feeling it, and therefore it is real to them, therefore you must acknowledge it in their reality.

The two things that I had really wanted to include in the conversation, and made sure that I did, were also around openness and humility. With Anthony Bourdain’s suicide still raw, I wanted to make sure that I mentioned one of the themes around many of the memorials and tributes to the chef, that he was able to do what he did in his storytelling, and especially in his cross-cultural television work, because he was knew that he didn’t know it all, because he’d go to the kitchen and listen to grandmas, honoring their skills and knowledge, and listen deeply, taking the stories and troubles of immigrants, refugees, disempowered people seriously, and amplify those stories. We would do well by showing up in the same way, and by kicking it with grandmas.

The corresponding thought as was a quote from artist Nicole Lavelle's profound article, CODES AND QUESTIONS FOR ANYONE WHO GOES ANYWHERE (get it here: http://www.nicolelavelle.com/codes-questions/), “Community is necessarily emergent. It can’t be made by outside forces. It can’t be manipulated by ingenuity. It must rise up.” I love this notion of community as continually emerging, that it is not a fixed point or place or time, but something that people are continually in the process of developing, sharing, and understanding.

That emergent sense of replenishment was underscored in Denver when the artist Sol Guy was speaking about his practice. He’s a film-maker, artist, producer – you’ve most likely seen his collaboration with the French artist JR featuring a little child peering over the wall at the US-Mexico border. In his talk, he said, “I work in cultural currency and not financial currency, and cultural currency is something you cannot possess, but increases through giving away.”

That giving is what I come back to when I think about how leadership and community should work. It is what I find inspiring in so many of my colleagues and peers, in this rising generation of executive directors, organizers, and politicians, in the politics of joy. That the approach to the work is based in giving and doing together as a way to grow power, not taking and holding on to consolidate it. It’s also no surprise to me that so many of these inspirational leaders are women, and women of color, who have historically been excluded from the closed-fisted hierarchies of power. It’s a recognition that instead of generating just enough heat to keep ourselves warm, we can come together to really set the world alight.

A little while ago I tried an experiment, as a way to test out some professional development and insight. I designed a survey with a couple questions – Based on what you know of him, what is Carl's super (or secret) power? What is something that Carl has been a part of or done that is meaningful to you? Anything else? Stuff you don't like about Carl? – and shared it via my social media networks. I believe in the power of weak ties and loose connections, and this was an attempt, in an anonymous way, to get some feedback from those ties. Obviously, there is a bias from people self-selecting in, which tended to be people who would have something to say about me, and so the overall tone was incredibly supportive and positive, although I did have a category for “Mortal Enemy” just in case.

What I was struck and heartened by were the number of people who mentioned connections they had made through me, or who appreciated the transparency and stories I shared, how it helped them see themselves in new ways, or connect to their own values. As I’ve been on a 10 year journey navigating addiction and sobriety, as I’ve tried to develop as a formal and informal organizational leader, as I’ve worked through parenthood and relationships, I’ve tried to find the best ways to be open, as the quickest way to connect. You can’t take from me anything that I would give to you, and so at high points and at low points, I will try to say to you, this is what it is, this is where I am, and let you have that.

If you haven’t watched Hannah Gadsby’s brilliant and brave special Nanette on Netflix, stop reading this now, and go do that. If you have, maybe this is also resonating with you as it has with me, Gadsby’s observations that we give power to the parts of our stories that we focus on. Which is absolutely true, and yet we also get power from what we give away, and from what we share. Gadsby’s enormously powerful storytelling has created power for her to focus on her own story in a way that won’t resolve the tension for you, but sits with the responsibility to listen to the story.

Giving the story away creates power for others to see themselves reflected back, not in facile ways, but in ways that are profound and mundane and epiphanies all at once. That’s the fire in the storytelling, that’s the light coming in through the cracks. That’s the heat, that makes us feel like we’re one, the secret of life, the changing of ourselves and other people.

[thecloserlook]

While the academic exposure that the SGC Pastor’s College offers is truly singular, the real feature that sets it apart from virtually every other ministry training is the focused, attentive, personal, and consistent investment by veterans in the field. And two of the greatest weapons in the PC arsenal are Gary and Betsy Ricucci. If you know them, you would agree with the description that they are utterly unassuming. They are very approachable and entirely relatable. They don’t stand out in any way to make themselves appear greater than they are. But man. They are so great. Gary and Betsy are pillars for the PC class to lean on, and deep well of insight and experience to draw from. I dare you to name a problem or conflict you have had that they don’t have a corresponding personal testimony for, or close exposure to that makes them knowledgeable and equipped for service. Now, you know how these kinds of people typically can be. People who have seen a lot in life, and they make sure you know it. They love saying things like “oh that’s nothing” or “you have no idea”, and other proverbial “been there, done that, my version is more dramatic than yours, sit down child.” Gary and Betsy are NOT like that. They are the epitome of kindness and understanding. They maintain your dignity, they respect your unique experiences, they listen with empathy and a desire to learn, and they do it without acting like it is a diving board for a long-winded monologue on everything they have to offer you by way of advice and wisdom. Don’t get me wrong. They are a wealth of wisdom. But they walk in humility, and thus don’t boast in what they know, but in WHO they know. That is their greatest act of service, and their most profound gifting. They know their Savior, they know their Maker, they know their Helper, and they know how to articulate that knowledge in a winsome, helpful, and life-giving way. Gary is a quintessential loving-dad-like figure. When he greets you, it’s warm, and his “how are you” is said with a readiness to listen to the answer. He is not about formality for formality’s sake. He speaks respectfully to each wife, encouraging her and building her up intentionally and regularly. To the husbands, he is more likely to do some good, old-fashioned verbal takedowns. He is a sucker for hot-heads (there are a few in this class). He rarely passes up the chance to joke about them or put them in their place (mainly, as undeserving of the wife who they brought here). It’s not mean-spirited. It’s fatherly. Betsy has a broad smile and body posture ready to lean in for a hug. She walks with her arms loose and body slightly leaning forward, like you could walk right into her and somehow end up in an embrace. And that’s also her facial expression. Betsy has a “vortex” of specific attention. You get within a certain few feet of her, and all of a sudden, her hands are on your shoulders, her eyes are locked on you, and she’s saying “you are amazing and I’m so affected by your example”...or something like that. I don’t honestly remember because every time it happens it feels like it’s an exaggeration. But she is being entirely genuine. She genuinely lives in awe of what God is doing in the lives of others. It’s such a compelling mix of personal humility and godly confidence. As a couple, they oversee all the PC families by way of care and spiritual oversight. Gary and Betsy lead couple’s groups monthly, and Betsy leads our monthly Saturday morning ladies meetings. Both contexts begin with asking for prayer needs, and an extended time of intercession. This allows those who come burdened to be able to express themselves, reorient at the foot of the cross, and access the help of the Spirit to engage. During our couple’s meetings, Gary will ask simple questions for each couple to answer. If one spouse answers “for the couple,” he will make sure to turn to the other one and ask “would you agree with this? Anything you would add or change?” He does this for a few reasons; to be sure that spouses feel like these environments are safe places to have conflicting views or ideas; to train us to see that the “iron-sharpens-iron” occurs primarily with your greatest spiritual ally (ie. your spouse); remind us that our role as husband/wife are to make sure we are living with one another in an understanding way; it also emphasizes meekness and humility, living “in the light," and that what we share is as accurate as possible with those charged to serve us in accountability. Next, as couples explain conflicts or problems, he often asks “so what would the biblical equivalent be for that?” If you are saying “I’m really stressed out by the workload, and I take it out on my wife,” he will press you for more specific biblical wording. The more specific we can be in addressing our sinful nature, the more specific our help can be found in the Bible. Stress can be an outworking of fear of man, or unbelief, or pride/autonomy, or self pity. And that leads you to speak in anger or indulge in addictive habits or idols. Once you find a biblical equivalent, the Bible has a lot more to say about it than you may have originally thought. He makes us take those extra steps in those settings so we are practicing that in our own hearts. “What is at the ROOT of this? And what does the Bible say about THAT?” Betsy, in leading the monthly ladies meetings, uses handwritten notes. She copies and pastes quotes and verses BY HAND. But that’s not exactly the point, even though shows her heart to really pour herself into these times together. The point is that in each meeting, she spends the most time building foundations and frameworks for our thinking from the Word of God. As someone who grew up aware of the practices that resulted from the principles, I’ve been incredible refreshed listening again to the life-giving truth in the Word of God. I have found myself sitting in those meetings, feeling like Betsy is taking a bucket and washcloth, and gently scrubbing away the smudges and burns of my warped perceptions and ill-founded convictions that yielded patterns of legalism and self-righteousness. I blame no one for these but myself. I have always had the Word of the Lord at my disposal. It was always available to me. And I have been taught SO WELL. But when harsh realities of life are not handled in the Word, you can allow false words to creep in, and subtle foundation cuts can be made, and all of a sudden your practical theology does not make sense, and it doesn’t support you like it used to. And most importantly for me, I stopped seeing the Bible as my authoritative framework, but as a resource to process my life. It was backwards. That’s where Betsy has been so skilled, so gently compelling, in helping us as women regain an affection and conviction for the Word of God. We like to call them “The Betsy Bombs.” She will close her eyes, fold her hands, and then say “I read in a book once…” (she usually knows the author AND the title, or the exact verse reference), and then proceed to share a short, tweetable, one-liner, that just floors you with its profound insight. It’s always perfect for the moment. It’s always just enough, not overkill. And it always stems from her personal mental library. She doesn’t pull it up on her phone or paraphrase. It’s just how committed she is to fighting for truth. The truth is IN her, not merely around her. She KNOWS it, because she has spent so many years building her mental library with resources and references, and like a truly skilled librarian, she can listen to your struggles, close her eyes, look through her mind’s shelves, and pull out that perfect quote you needed hear. She takes us back to the Word, stripping away all the application points or how-to’s, and just invites us to refresh our hearts with the truth as it is displayed in Scripture. I love God’s Word, and more importantly, God Himself, as a direct result of those meetings with Betsy. Leo and I consider it a privilege to have been one of the many couples cared for by Gary and Betsy, and we hope that those we are called to serve feel the reverberating effects of their investment in us. And most importantly, we hope that the Lord blesses THEM for their faithfulness to continue to sow seeds into the future generations.