#all of this to say arthur is probably the most autistic man to ever autism

[dollopole]

What I need to see more in Merlin modern AUs fanfictions is Arthur trying to be conventionally funny and therefore him trying to make his friends’ circle laugh, but he just gets all these weird, fond looks because no, he’s not funny, he’s not funny by a fucking mile, but his friends love him, so there’s that.

The one person who always cracks up at Arthur’s jokes, tho? You bet. Merlin will be right there cackling like a fucking duck that’s being chocked by an evil witch and snorting, even if Arthur said the stupidest thing on earth.

They’re that type of couple.

I imagine it going something like this:

Arthur: So then, I asked: how do you make Holy water?

The entire Round Table waits patiently for Arthur’s answer: Ehm… How?

Arthur, smiling: You boil the hell out of it, HA! *slaps hand on the table*

*everyone silently looks at each other, wonders if Uther’s lack of affection permanently affected their friend’s communication skills*

*Meanwhile, Merlin next to him dies of laughter, and slaps Arthur’s shoulder, like he’s the funniest comedian he’s ever crossed paths with*

*Arthur is happy he made Merlin laugh :)*

Gwaine, on the verge of a breakdown: Yeah, no, mate, that was not funny, at all—

Percival goes wide eyed: Do you have a death wish—?!?!

Gwaine: Someone has got to tell him—

*Merlin grabs Gwaine by the collar and growls on his face, while he still laughs at Arthur’s jokes and watches him attempt to make another, thinking he’s got everyone hooked*

Merlin, smiling through gritted teeth: Don’t you dare finish that sentence, Gwaine, or I’ll cut your hair while you sleep.

*Gwaine clutches on his hair like a fair maiden*

*Guinevere wants to be put to death rather than to listen to Arthur trying to be funny, again*

*Elyan is fast asleep because Arthur’s talks vary from animals documentaries to history documentaries*

*Percival reins in Gwaine from getting killed*

*Leon nods and smiles, trying to be supportive, but his laughs are so fake, Merlin shoots him daggers from across the table*

*Lancelot takes videos so he can re-play them when he’s sad, and threaten Merlin with them*

Bonus:

*Merthur going back to their home after the night ended at four in the morning, just because Arthur insisted on explaining how adorable sharks actually are*

*cuddling on the bed, Arthur on Merlin’s chest*

Arthur: It was a funny night, wasn’t it☺️🥰😊?

Merlin, tired to the bones and pecking Arthur on his temple: Of course it was, you made everyone laugh *rubs his shoulder*

Arthur: Yeah, I did☺️🥰😌🤍✨ *happily goes to sleep*

(Merlin will need to find a way to tell his husband that he’s probably the most boring man he ever met in his entire life)

I NEED A FIC ENTIRELY LIKE THIS😭

[1rubydoodles]

stanford is autistic-coded and that really affected his relationship with fiddleford (tbob spoilers)

(I want to start off saying I’m autistic and might rant about Arthur a bit here because it’s a 10+ year strong special interest and you just have to deal with it)

“another day, another failed social interaction.” (ford, the book of bill)

“when my waitress told me the apple pie was made ‘from scratch,’ I replied, ‘incredible! I must meet the chef who created the atoms!’ She made a face like she had tasted bleach and ended her shift early.”

I read this imagining ford smiling, expecting a laugh from the waitress. I know so many autistic people who make jokes like this, it really to me doesn’t seem much different from the jokes that people do like. Taking things and shifting their meaning. The children’s show Arthur put it best in the episode “When Carl Met George” (or, “Carl and the Missing Puzzle Piece”, definitely check it out, although it was made in 2010 so it uses an outdated term and has few stereotypes)

Basically in that episode, autism was described as George crash landing on an alien planet with no instructions.

here’s some of the transcript:

“(narrator): …And even though you speak the same language, you sometimes have a hard time understanding what they mean.

Francine (as alien): Good night for a banana fight, right?

George: Um, yes? No! I don't know!”

Arthur (as alien) walks up to them wearing flippers, a tutu, a huge bow tie and a hat of whipped cream with a cherry. His outfit is absolutely ridiculous.

“(narrator): and things that seem hilarious to you…

George: (laughs)

 (narrator): ...aren't funny at all to them.

Arthur (as alien): What's he laughing at? Is it my nose?

Francine (as alien): I have no idea. You're weird!

Francine and Arthur walk off.

George: But it was a joke, right? Oh.”

this basically describes the situation perfectly. on top of that, I know of autistic men that seem like they are being aggressive or sarcastic to women when they make these jokes, most likely what happened during this dining incident. (which, honestly, women go through a lot of shit with men and I don’t blame them if they assume the worst.)

But let’s go to fidds and fords relationship. (romantic or not.)

I’ve seen so many fiddlestan posts shaming ford for what are just autistic qualities to justify their ship being superior. (ex. One post said “stan recognized when fidds was distressed unlike SOME people” in a fanfic, which is both shaming ford and pretty uncanon seeming)*

I really don’t think ford realized fidds wasn’t ok until it all fell apart. he closest he goes is basically “fidds seems jittery from the whole shapeshifter thing so we can just relax and that will fix it.” I think it’s a common autistic mentality that “if this happens I can fix it with this, and that will solve the problem.”

many people on the spectrum have logical systematic thinking and a preference for clear rules with predictable outcomes.

I think that’s the closest ford ever got to thinking that something was wrong.

I think he never realized fidds was actually going insane. All he thought was that he was going to betray him because of Bill and that black ring.

“it became clear how deeply I had hurt this man I once held so dear.”(ford, journal 3)

I really think he held onto the thought that fidds betrayed him. autistic people are also a lot of times easier to manipulate due to challenges in seeing deception, probably why bill saw him as an easy target.

but of course, fidds in the end with his big heart and amazing mind forgave ford. i’m almost positive he knew ford thought different.

and probably got fiddle𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 with him later

Edit: I should mention that the whole ���I’ve seen so many fiddlestan posts shaming ford for what are just autistic qualities. (ex.“stan recognized when fidds was distressed unlike SOME people”)” is just a common type of thing I see in fiddlestan posts and fanfics. I really doubt that Stan WOULD do that, but fiddlestan shippers are a whole different breed ig. Edited again for clarity on the same thing

[animucrystal]

do people really look at arthur and just go “yeah hes allistic” like that is the most autistic man ive ever seen (half joking). arthur is so driven and steadfast in his ideals so when something shakes him it shakes him Hard. its hard for him to regulate emotions well (trauma + autism). he trusts easily, which is funny because he says he doesnt when he so clearly does. hes “dense” at times and doesnt pick up on a lot of subtleties, and when he does he finds it hard to express what he wants to say (again this is both a trauma thing and an autism thing). he fidgets, especially with his mothers ring. theres alot more i could name but thats all i could think of right now

some hcs: he likes routine and this is mostly the reason why he gets annoyed at merlin whenever he unknowingly derails it, i got this one from a fic actually but i think one of his special interests is just like cataloguing and organizing things and when he was younger he liked doing that with bugs and as he grew older he had to focus his attention to more “practical” things (because of uthers insistence) so he does this with weapons as well as like utilizes this skill in directions as well, this guy hates so many textures i feel and all day everyday hes seconds away from a meltdown (which manifests into snappy anger) but he grits through it because he cares more about duty than his “weird brain problem”

i think itd be funny (and sad) to imagine arthur thinking he was probably cursed as a child, then a magic a reveal happens, then after all of that arthur asks merlin if he Is cursed and merlin is like “i think youre just. Like That. but thats okay im also kind of Like That” and arthur realizes that his manservant truly was just a little weirdo and that wasnt just his magic talking and maybe HES also a little weirdo. solidarity

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Em’s Year in Review

Hey, guys! It’s been a long time since my last personal post on here, but as it’s officially 2021 (thank God), I wanted to do the cheesy Year in Review thing and give thanks to the friends I’ve made, the communities I’ve joined, and the things that have changed me beyond words this year that I want to share with you all. 

To start, perhaps the biggest and best change of the year was when I joined the Shadowhunters fandom. Not to mention the friends I’ve made along the way and the support I’ve received and the amazing community I found my home in, Shadowhunters managed to rejuvenate my love for this site and fandom in general. Shadowhunters transformed this blog from an occasional place that I would visit to kill time into a means of expression that I am extremely proud of. Shadowhunters transformed my AO3 from a practically extinct account with three fics posted to an up-and-running, 80-fics-and-still-going-strong profile that is, truly, one of my biggest accomplishments. 

Shadowhunters also led to several friendships that I know I will cherish for the rest of my life. I would like to take this time to give thanks to some of them, and I apologise deeply if you deserve to be on this list and you aren’t; I know there are probably some people that I’m forgetting. You’re all important to me, and you’re all a part of the reason I am writing this right now. 

To start off, @arialerendeair has been an incredible source of support, friendship, and love for me throughout my journey into the Shadowhunters fandom, and she means more to me than words can say. She is a forever friend, a wonderful person, the best kind of enthusiastic and encouraging, and she is one of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. 

Before I joined the @malecdiscordserver and met a myriad of people that I gladly call my friends, I existed in the Shadowhunters fandom solely on Tumblr, and I would like to give thanks to my very first Shadowhunters fandom friend, @lightwormsiblings, for making me feel at home here and generally being an amazing person. 

@sugarandspace is a wonderful author and an even better person, and my friendship with her has led to many amazing fics, conversations, and sweet words. Her mental health fics and her response to mine are what inspired me to really start writing for this fandom, and as I’m sure you can imagine, that is something that I am very grateful for. <3

I would also like to give a shout-out to my fluffy counterpart, @bidnezz, who created the Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020 with me, an AO3 collection that has made me smile countless times. Likewise, @aceon-ice deserves a shout-out, as well, for being an amazing person and supporting me despite my angsty tendencies. 

I have @eternallysilvermagnusandalec and @emma-arthur to thank for my love of Autistic Alec, and I want to give them the biggest of virtual hugs for screaming with me, bouncing headcanons with me, and generally being my biggest Autistic Alec supporters. They are wonderful friends, and I’m so lucky to have them both in my life. 

As for friends that aren’t actively on Tumblr, I would like to give thanks to Val, one of my favourite sprinting buddies and an amazing friend, Hannah, my favourite dinosaur-obsessed Among Us murderer and the source of endless support, and Evi, my recently-found friend, writing support extraordinaire, and fellow Team Angst comrade. 

I am extremely grateful for every single friend I’ve made in the Shadowhunters fandom, and every person who helped me feel at home in this community and showed me that this is a place where I can belong. You are all amazing, and I wish I had the words to express my gratitude for you. 

Another thing that the Shadowhunters fandom brought me was a means of self-expression, through a character like no other I’ve ever encountered before. Alec Lightwood and his place in Shadowhunters has brought me endless joy, validation, and hope for the future. Alec Lightwood is a character that I love dearly and relate to strongly, and his happy-ever-after as a gay man in love with a bisexual warlock truly lifted me up when I needed it. His character helped me to start writing things that I love, things that I enjoy, and things that benefit me to put on paper. For that, I am forever grateful. 

This year has brought a lot of changes to my life, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that Shadowhunters & the friends it’s made me are by far my favourites. 

Other than Shadowhunters, there are a few other things that have shaped my year in large ways that I would like to give mention to. 

To start things off, as most of you know, I’ve been a fan of Supernatural since before I even knew fandom was a thing - hell, before fandom really was a thing. Supernatural and the SPN family and the AKF campaign got me through some of my toughest times, and I will always be grateful to that show for giving me everything that it did. 

Despite the discourse and despite everything that took over Tumblr with the finale and Cas’s confession, I am so happy that I made it to see that finale. It gives me a lot of joy to know that I’ve been here for fifteen seasons of a show that changed my life, and everything that comes in between. I love Sam and Dean and Castiel and all of the other characters that captured my heart in Supernatural, and I’m so grateful that I got to be a part of a family like this one. My experience in and with the Supernatural fandom will always be important and special to me, and I want to thank my first ever fandom friend (you know who you are), who encouraged me to post my first ever fanfiction back when I was younger and taught me what it means to be a part of a fandom community. She is the reason I’m fandom-ing it up today, and I’ll forever be grateful to her for that.

I’ve already mentioned them once before, but I want to give another shout-out to @eternallysilvermagnusandalec, @emma-arthur, and @arialerendeair for being truly amazing, wonderful people when it comes to a certain aspect of my identity that I’ve just started becoming okay with. 

For any of you who may not know: I am autistic. ...damn, that felt good to say. At this time last year, I was still very much “in the closet” about having autism and I was masking so much that I panicked at the slightest hint that I was “different”. I did not like who I was, and I had been conditioned to believe that I had to hide my differences if I wanted to have any chance of being accepted by others. 

These three made me see that that isn’t the case. 

Constantly being told “Quiet hands!” and to just look at somebody when I was talking to them and that it was irrational & dumb to be too overwhelmed to speak took its toll, but the Shadowhunters fandom and Silver, Emma, and Aria helped me realise that my hands can be as loud as they need to be, it’s okay if I stare at the wall while I talk to someone, and sometimes not being able to speak is just the way the cookie crumbles. Their acceptance of me and their incredible support has helped me become so much more comfortable with myself, to the point where I’m unmasking when I’m alone and letting myself stim without fear of repercussions or the feeling that I’m doing something wrong. They are the best kind of people, wonderful friends, and truly incredible. 

It is largely thanks to them that I am even fighting this ongoing battle against my own internalized ableism, and it’s important to me that all three of them know that. <3

For more information on autistic masking and what it looks like and why some of us do it, I recommend checking out this video, made by an autistic creator! 

If you’d like to know the true, harsh meaning of “Quiet Hands”, I recommend checking out this post, which explains the phrase & its connotations better than I ever could. 

Thank you to everyone who has read this far, and I hope you all have a wonderful 2021! This year was hard, but we survived. There have been times when I wanted to give up, and there have been times when you wanted to give up, I’m sure. But we are both still here, and that counts for something. That counts for a lot, actually. It’s everything. I did it. You did it. We did it. That’s something to be proud of.

Going into 2021, I hope that everyone will be kind, do their best to be understanding of other people’s differences, and treat others with the amount of respect they deserve. 

I love you all, and thank you for making this year, despite all of its challenges, one that I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. 

[alexthepartyman]

When I’m Saved (Part 2)

“The press looks horrendous,” Agent Jareau says, looking out towards the front of the hotel as the team exits their SUVs. “Ah, Lieutenant Kim.” 

“Agent Jareau. Rossi, Reid, Prentiss. Where are Hotchner and Morgan?”

“They retired. These are Agents Simmons, Alvez, and Section Chief Cruz. We have an Agent in Peyton with Dmitri’s father,” Agent Prentiss answers. “How is the group coping?”

“We should get inside.” The lieutenant says, escorting the team into the hotel’s back entrance. “The hotel has been placed on lockdown, only law enforcement is coming and going. We’ve questioned all of the kids and the chaperones. Some of the kids are devastated, some are pleased that Dmitri is gone. The kids are in their respective rooms, and the chaperones are in the Monterey ballroom. The girls are in Room 407 with the colour guard staff and two chaperones, officers have been stationed outside the room.” 

“Pleased?”

“Dmitri isn’t so well accepted outside of his friends. One of the kids in his grade claims Dmitri broke his nose, and other kids have backed up the story. Dmitri has also been the subject of a few harassment incidents in school. Here is a list of people that know Dmitri the best.” Section Chief Cruz takes the list and scans over it.

“How is Mr and Mrs Tremblay taking this?”

“Mrs Tremblay hasn’t had much of a reaction. Mr Tremblay is angry about everything, but has cooperated. The colour guard staff, Dmitri’s direct coaches, are taking it very hard.” 

“How is the colour guard taking it?”

“Most are sad, confused, angry. Some of them don’t see Dmitri favourably. One is exclusively regarding to Dmitri as Rhys.” 

“One of them was a next-door neighbour?”

“Yes, LeAnne Owens. Dmitri was a friend of hers before they moved away into a neighbourhood that suited their Mormon beliefs more.” 

“Religion? Peyton’s separated by religion?” Agent Prentiss asks. 

“The town is mostly Mormon, a church on nearly every block in the downtown area. Those who aren’t Mormon aren’t treated very well once the others find out, apparently. Dmitri has been shunned for a few years, most kids only interact with him during group projects.” 

“They probably took advantage of him because of his intellect,” Dr Reid comments. “Dmitri’s IQ is apparently one hundred and eighty seven. Autistic individuals tend to be more excluded by their peers and have troubles relating to neurotypical peers. The other kids would likely not understand how he functions and behaves, and he would struggle to maintain friendships. He would likely just think they were being his friends and not be able to see that other people were manipulating him to get what they wanted.” 

“Our command center is in the La Paz ballroom. We have five officers monitoring the tip lines, and the media has been running broadcasts since one am.”

“What have the media been saying?” Agent Jareau asks. 

“We told them that Dmitri disappeared, and that anyone who might have seen what happened to him should call the hotline. We haven’t confirmed or denied that Dmitri was abducted, but it’s starting to look like that’s what happened. Park search came up empty, we issued an Amber Alert for Los Angeles and the neighbouring counties around three am, stressing that Dmitri’s health is fragile. Free coffee in the lobby, but warning, it’s as bad as our station coffee.”

“Matt, Reid, go up to Room 407,” Agent Prentiss says. “Ask very specifically about what happened last night and our unsubs. Ask them if Diego or Jacob could have taken Dmitri. The adults may not know about what happened, so tread carefully. Luke, you and Rossi should go to the Monterey ballroom and talk with the Tremblays, Mrs Mellencamp, Mrs Kilburn, and any other chaperones that interacted with Dmitri yesterday. JJ, Cruz, and I will set up in the command center, touch bases with PG and Tara. We’ll text you any new information that comes in. Mobiles on. Head out.” 

“Sanchez. Escort Agent Simmons and Dr Reid up to Room 407,” Lieutenant Kim says, stopping a passing officer in his tracks. “BAU. They’re going to question the kids.” 

“Of course. There’s only one functioning elevator in this hotel, but staircases in every corner. Come with me.” The buff Asian and the pipe cleaner with eyes break off from the group, heading back towards the nearest staircase.

“Only one elevator?” Agent Jareau asks as the team follows the lieutenant towards the lobby. 

“Yes, only one. If they couldn’t grab the elevator, the kids would drag their things up the staircases. There wasn’t much comment on Dmitri’s mobility, but Mrs Kilburn did share with us a picture of Dmitri in the Main Street USA parade.” Agent Prentiss squints at the picture and takes a picture of it with her phone. “What is it?”

“Look at the way his left hand grabs the pole vs how the others in the picture are holding the pole, and how his smile droops on the left side of his face.”

“What does that mean?”

“The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, it looks like that’s where he took the most damage. Look at those transition lenses.” Agent Alvez points to the glasses in the picture. “Those would hide a drooping left eye.” 

“This is the Monterey ballroom,” Lieutenant Kim announces, pushing the door to the conference room open. Agents Alvez and Rossi nod and pass through the door, closing it behind them. 

“Excuse me,” Agent Rossi asks, approaching another officer. “We’re with the FBI, and we’re looking for John and Amy Tremblay.” The officer points towards an older, balding man and an older woman with red hair holding his hand at a table. “Thank you.” The Italian Stallion and the buff, steaming mug of hot cocoa then head to the table, Agent Rossi sitting across from the couple. “Mr and Mrs Tremblay, we’re Agents Rossi and Alvez with the FBI. We’re a few of the agents helping to find Dmitri.”

“FBI?” A woman with dark curly hair asks, ending her hushed conversation with a woman with red curly hair.

“Yes, ma’am, FBI. We have a few questions about Dmitri. The more we can understand about his behaviour, the more we can figure out what happened to him and how to help him. Who might you be, ma’am?” 

“I’m Jill Mellencamp. I assist with band finances and keep all the records. This is Connie Hiratsu, she’s one of the chaperones.”

“When did you last see Dmitri?”

“Nine pm. He was with his friends, leaving Splash Mountain,” Mr Tremblay answers. 

“What was he wearing?”

“Our grey shirts we gave the kids, rainbow shoes. A rainbow bowtie, rainbow ears.”

“Interesting attire. Do you know of anybody Dmitri would know here in Los Angeles? Did he tell you he was meeting up with anybody?”

“No,” Mr Tremblay answers, his piecing blue eyes beaming through the agent in front of him.

“Has he ever been caught speaking to strangers?”

“This one time, last year, I had found him after our halftime performance, and a tall man was holding him while he was crying. I separated them and had our drum major and seniors watch over Dmitri. He did not tell me why he was upset or who the man was.”

“He knows better than to talk to strangers. He’s in high school, he knows the rules,” Connie argues. 

“Connie. He’s hurting right now. Arguing about it isn’t going to help him.” 

“Are you guys going to tell them how much trouble he is?” She retorts. 

“Connie-”

“He threw a water bottle, had a tantrum, and screamed at me, like he was a toddler. Was I supposed to just let him represent our school and organisation poorly? Other people might think we’re snobs if they saw that-”

“Mrs Hiratsu. What exactly was happening?” 

“He was upset, and he threw a water bottle at the ground, and I told him that high schoolers don’t throw things, and he wouldn’t calm down or tell me what was going on. He was throwing a tantrum-”

“Connie. Loud noises and crowds stress Dmitri out. He was freaking out because he didn’t have his ticket into the park and he couldn’t find Ressa Kilburn, so I had him go through the security checkpoint with me and my family, and afterwards, he ran away, but he came back to the group after a few minutes. Mrs Anderson told us she went to talk to him.”

“He aimed it at the ground or at someone?” Agent Alvez asks. 

“At the ground, but it shouldn’t matter. He was acting out of line.” 

“Mrs Hiratsu, Dmitri has autism, and he gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Now when he shuts down, he might be aggressive or defensive, throwing things or screaming,” Agent Alvez replies. “Him aiming the bottle at the ground is better than if he aimed it at a person. It means that he is semi-aware of his surroundings in his state, and he is empathetic and doesn’t want to disrupt things.”

“Then why would he do that?”

“He doesn’t want to do it, but he just does. He probably feels embarrassed that he reacts like that.” 

“He is rather empathetic. If you raise your voice at him, he’ll think you’re mad at him, and then it takes forever for him to get that you’re not mad at him. He always thinks Jill and I are mad at him.” 

“How is he, socially? Does he get along well with the other kids?”

“No, he’s always closed off from the others. Most people don’t even realise he’s there.”

“If he had his way, he’d be in the corner with his music and his notebook,” Mrs Tremblay adds.

“We try to get him to participate with others, but he always just does his own thing. Jill, you’re also involved with the musical theatre program, and you interact with Dmitri there.” 

“Yes, I do, but he’s practically the same way. He gets really embarrassed to have to talk in front of other kids, just almost shuts down, he starts stammering and stuttering and panicking.” 

“He wouldn’t tell anyone if there was something wrong.” 

“Exactly. Nick, Lily, and Arthur have better luck getting him out of his shell, but he still doesn’t ask for help unless you start the conversation. I can see it when it’s just the guard, but I don’t know how to explain it. He laughs more, smiles more with them. Nick and Lily tell me that he actually reaches out to the new guard kids, which is unheard of.” 

“Could any of you tell us how Dmitri changed after his last concussion, three weeks ago?” Agent Alvez asks. 

“He smiles more, laughs more, asks more questions. He’s definitely more outspoken, but he falls asleep everywhere. I don’t know how he falls asleep on the school bus seats, but he does.”

“I caught him sleeping in the doorway one morning during musical theatre class. He’ll just take little naps during class. He seems to be a lot dizzier, falls a lot more.” 

“Yes. He falls when he laughs, and since he laughs at everything now, he always falls. He’s been walking around with hoods up, headphones on, using the walls as supports.” 

“Do his eyes glaze over? Does he eat enough to compensate for the high activity levels? We noticed he’s smaller than most.” 

“The nosebleed. Do you think that was anything serious?” 

“He acted like it was,” Connie asks. 

“A nosebleed?”

“He bled out all over the boys’ bathroom once, and it took half an hour to get him to stop bleeding. He was accepting the sugar we provided him, but he freaked out once we mentioned afrin, wouldn’t let us give it to him, he thought we were going to give him aspirin. He couldn’t figure out what was happening to him, and he was texting his grandparents.” 

“Okay, okay.” The four adults fall silent, appearing to hold a lifetime back. “Thank you. We’ll come back if we have any more questions.”

[deeeelightfuldee]

How much did your senior prom dress cost you?

I am pretty certain it was like 300 bucks, but I don’t really recall that for certain. It was a lot of money for us at the time, i know that much

What dreams have stuck with you since childhood?

Some repeated nightmares, stuff like that. Nothing worth putting in the effort to try and remember lol

Have you ever been in a serious romantic relationship?

yes

Did you ever take your dog to school?

no, tbh he would have been such a wreck, but man i would have loved his company. I miss him so much.

If you had had a baby in high school, what would you have named him or her?

hahaha in hs all i loved was the name emma and the name matthew

If you had a baby now, what would you name him or her?

I have such a long list of names i love right now. A little more uhhh different?

Have you ever seen someone throw up on a plane?

Yes. so bad for them and for everyone else lol

Do you get motion sickness?

I very much do.

Has God ever healed you of anything? If so, what?

Yeah i mean like broken bones, illness, etc.

Do you find church fun or boring?

I really enjoy going to church

What do you hate the most about summer?

The heat and the sunshine. I just so despise it.

Which part of your body is the most muscular?

My legs probably

Did you ever take Latin in school?

Yes actually

Which major holiday is closest to your birthday?

Fourth of juy <3

What is your favorite Japanese name?

Never given that any thought, i would have to look at them.

Have you ever ran a cash register?

A lot.

Did you collect Bratz dolls when you were younger?

No. my parents thought they were trashy.

Do you think your mom is attractive?

Shes very, very pretty. For sure.

What was the last thing that disappointed you?

Loooooooool. Theres a lot lately. Im disappointed by stuff with K.. stuff with our family, stuff with relationships.

Do you like the feeling in your stomach on a big drop on a roller coaster?

i dont go on roller coasters but i think i know the feeling you mean and ummmm no.

Skeletons or scarecrows?

scarecrows

Do you own pumpkin earrings?

no

What computer game did you used to play all the time?

Tonka, where in time is carmen san diego, barbie riding club, Arthur's reading race, freddi fish

When was the last time you read a book?

Right before gram went on hospice I was reading a book every day and a half.

Would you allow your children to date prior to 16? (assuming you want any)

Ooooof. It wouldn't be enjoyable. Teenagers are rebellious and I would be a bit skeptical.

What was the last restaurant you made a reservation at?

Ummmmm online maybe. But I dont ever.

Which app on your phone do you tend to get the most notifications from?

Bingo

What is something you gave up on after many failed attempts?

Ummmmmmm. No idea …

Do you watch political shows?

no not if I can help it

Do you play any fantasy/roleplaying games? What?

Not really no. i used to love sims but it takes up alllllllllll the space on any phone or computer

Do you like salami?

Yeah it's fine. I don't do it often

When was the last time you ate meat?

Yesterday. Then promptly threw up

What was the last hot drink you drank?

Hot chocolate

Have your parents met your boyfriend/exes?

My dad hasn't. My mom has

Do you know how to say I love you in at least 4 languages?

Yes

Do you find the sound of a cat’s purr relaxing?

Omfg yea

Do you know your mum’s first pet’s name?

Choco

Would you ever want to be famous? If so, for what?

not really, no. If I had to, then for something moving and cool

Would you ever get a heart tattoo or your back?

I suppose? But no. I don't forsee any tattooosssss.

What fruit can’t you stand?

Mangoes gross.

Do you know anyone autistic?

Do I know people who have autism? yes

How about someone bipolar?

Do I know someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder? yes

What do you consider private to you?

Romance, health, most things tbh lol

Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have:

michelle

Name something that you’re good at but don’t like:

Mediating. I dont mind it if its like friends i guess, or people that im completely unbiased or unfamiliar with. But i hate hate hate it when its like mom/gram, siblings, etc. noooooope.

Name something that you’re bad at but DO like:

Journaling consistently

Name somebody who has tried to help you and ended up hurting you:

Kile, zack

Name a date that has a lot of significance to you:

July 10, feb 2, november 11, dec 25

Name something in your life that was a blessing in disguise:

Oh boy. I need to think about that one

Name something that you’ve done that would be considered rebellious:

Went out over curfew, “trespassed”, stole when i was a toddler lol

Name something you wish you had enough money to do:

Have my own place, have a car, buy makeup/hair stuff, go to the doctor, etc

[honorbourne]

( bias list? pffft, more like a lame appreciation post! wow, so um, i never really thought i’d reach this far with say’ri?? i remember back in october of last year, i decided merely on a whim to play an obscure character in the fire emblem franchise... especially since i felt like i couldn’t do any other muse justice at the time and the fact i’ve been wanting to be a part of the fandom back while i had been an observer as an oc whom some of you might know by the url of unladylikc. 

true, now that i’ve been in it, i do recognize the fact that it is less than perfect, realistically speaking? but all the same, however, it will always hold a precious place in my heart for it is the first fandom i’ve ever really joined and where i met some of the most talented writers that i had the fortune of writing with. anyways, i had always been such an insecure little bean, that more often than not, i would question if i truly belonged here.

by now of course, i kinda know my doubts are unfounded and i want to thank everyone for sticking with me through thick and thin. like i have oftentimes been saying, say’ri is a difficult muse to play, yet you all put up with that, despite my initial portrayal being a shaky one. well, before i start delving into a long winded speech, i think i’m just going to get on with addressing/mentioning cool folks beneath the cut... though do keep in mind i’m just going off by memory here for this list, so forgive me if i forget anyone. )

— FELLOW SHEPHERDS

@quiveringshaft !!

you no doubt probably saw this coming a mile away but omg, you’re so SO important to me. i wouldn’t have been here today if it weren’t for you. while i know we haven’t necessarily interacted ic on here yet, we talk enough ooc and have/had such entertaining interactions between our muses, that for better or for worse, you’ll probably be included in every bias list ever made by me.

if that isn’t enough to prove my undying love for you, as passionate as ten thousand burning suns?? YOU ARE MY OCEAN, MY STARS, MY MOON, the one who has easily been with me ever since the beginning. your wish is always my command cause i honestly strive to make you as happy as you made me. i could honestly look no further than you if i need to vent or release my inner sodium levels, lol, and to be honest, i’m glad you can easily confide in me when annoying things happen to you. it makes me feel important?? and so very proud!

not only that but we have been through a lot together. countless times already, our friendship has been put to the test over rather... unfortunate circumstances, but somehow, we managed to work it out each and every time. that to me says a lot about how strong our bond is! i’m so cheesy, i know.

@trceblade !!

GIDEON. i always feel like i somehow take you for granted?? like, you are just one of the most genuine people i know. not only do you make a point of worrying about me, you also listen to me and make it seem as though my problems are important to you as well. i am not used to being so cared about?? to this day, i am really glad we have met!

your portrayal of robin is just so unique and i love all the ideas you bring up, some of which has developed my say’ri into who she is as a princess, fighter and significant other. plus, we are part of each other’s canon? and it’s honestly sO GREAT. i always look forward to any headcanons you post and though it does take me a bit, i do quite enjoy responding to the threads we are writing.

needless to say, you will always be my m!robin.

@amnesiums / @faithled / @pridesought !!

/coughs ...i know you have other blogs but these are the ones i can only remember at the moment?? forgive me please, otl. we don’t usually talk much except over tags, but man, in case you couldn’t tell, i’m such a big fan of yours, nox!! by now, i’m pretty sure you follow me everywhere and i remember it would make my day each and every time you show up in my activity without fail.

PLUS, i really love how you play your muses and the unique spins you put into them. to this day, i respect you heaps and bounds for making your version of miriel autistic, something that made me feel valid as someone also with autism!! 

on top of that... can i say that wow, i’m super gay for your robin?? i’m honestly rooting for this say’ri x f!robin ship to set sail aND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT. /clenches fist

@of-invisible-ties !!

i first followed you on my oc blog but never really expected you to ALSO follow this one, cause i imagined say’ri happened to be almost as easily forgettable as kellam. BUT OH, how you proved me wrong. never did i have so many threads with someone before and so much fun too.

for a multimuse blog, you had kept me easily engaged and i really admire the fact that you can play a vast array of muses and still keep them in character. I MUST ASK, what is your secret?? lol, jk, jk. not only that, but your au ideas and the other unique ocs you have are such a treat to see on the dash. keep staying awesome please!!

@nakanaai / @apotelesmc / @faeriecrowned / @penitentinq !!

there’s possibly another url of yours i’m forgetting, omg. still, it doesn’t change the fact that i’m eternally grateful i got to roleplay with you, cati?? i love the depth you put into all the muses you play and i’M SUCH A FAN of your content. whether it be with your writing, art, super creative ocs or whatnot.

you also made me feel super welcome in this fandom and though i imagine i must be a pain, you still write starters for me anyway. thank you very much for putting up with me all this time!

— NOTABLE UNITS

( basically everyone i enjoy seeing on the dash and that i look forward to interacting with one of these days if we haven’t yet already. know that i admire you lots and lots! )

@aphoticresidence + @futureastras ll @avecantoraazul ll @royal-botanist + @aim--and--reload + @emblian-remnant ll @zimmercalla + @riivoltella ll @exaltedswordsmaster ll @exduke ll @nesufuratu ll @corvoided + @extollcd ll @lady-ylisse ll @latrocinari + @songeant ll @sozckujin ll @troubadontcha + @solumventi ll @fifthnamed ll @bladesandbushido ll @hanzaiisha + @wclfbeil ll @kazesneedle ll @valianticemage ll @valiantdarkmage ll @wcrlds-strongest ll @wolfsxin ll @litanee ll @bewitchinqs ll @butlerbourne ll @bornxsteward ll @bonyarii ll @arthur-for-justice ll @aethrax ll @aeoelu ll @ofbeastbane ll @trxubadour ll @mitrikos ll @mienakyohaku + @northfaire ll @tacentpennae ll @beastofnohr ll @kageroichi ll @fairfriar ll @grimstalker ll @princepsmarmoreum ll @priestis + @vllagr + all your other blogs ll @ofthelace ll @ofshrinkingviolets ll @izanaisms ll @caligraqueen ll @cadavrc ll @caligraqueen ll @kiniro ll @xshadow-giftx ll @xixisms ll @narxkami ll @divincr ll @divinefate ll @lanskr ll @lady-ylisse ll @exaltstolen ll @sugarstolen ll @laceur ll @heiwanoryu ll @dang-zi ll @xshadow-giftx ll @spareprince ll @sagelyexalt + @nerochoros ll @armsthriift + @farmfaiire + @raiitension ll @voyager-of-chaos ll @youmaggots ll @irafatum ll @gentlexbloom ll @chariotofhoshido ll @fxdingtofoam ll @aeoelu ll @talentedseamstress ll @rcsesthcrns ll @icetribemaiden ll @saishuji ll @nyahahah ll @willbeshot ll @victorums ll @anna-making-a-killing ll @mercperfectixn ll @fellheaven ll @princess--cynthia ll @validus + @swcrdsman ll @valorandgold ll @blessedlancer ll @noblestson ll @rosannesarcher ll @awakenedprince ll @cvlier

[amorremanet]

2, 10, 42, 47

asks for fanfic writers

well, no. 10 and no. 42 are over here, but!

2. things that motivate you

* The stereotype that autistic spectrum people are only good for STEM-related things. Like, for all of the folks on the spectrum who are good at STEM things, that’s great and I wish them all the best — but I suck at math and I can’t do anything science-related without turning it into, “how can I make a sociopolitical sci-fi critique out of this” or, “but do gay aliens believe in me,” so nah, I’m gonna pass on doing anything STEM-y.

I’d much rather give a big middle finger to everyone who has this ridiculous notion that autistic spectrum people are completely and utterly uncreative, and that we are only ever good for STEM things, and I’d like to do it by being successful in my chosen creative pursuits, please and thank you.

* Tangentially? Temple fucking Grandin. I don’t actually have any problems with her, herself — but I have a lot of problems with how allistic people hold her up as The One True Way To Be A Successful Person Who “Suffers From” Autism™ and how about fuck that, no. I want to be a successful autistic writer who is nothing like Temple Grandin, apart from both of us being white autistic women/dfab people who are going to be identified and treated as women by other people irl regardless of any wibbly wobbly messy gender feels on our part.

* Talking with people about my projects. On one hand, it’s a way of getting feelings kind of like validation. On the other, and way more importantly for me? I love getting feedback from people, or hearing the questions they come up with — like, on NYE, my aunt and I chatted back and forth about my novel while playing a weird card game with one of my cousins, and Aunt Kelly asked some questions that got me to put a few ideas I’ve been playing with into words more concretely, which was super-helpful — and I get a lot of motivation to work from getting jazzed up about things through talking with people.

* Totally a petty thing, but? Getting cranky with JK Rowling over all of the Good Ally Cookies she doesn’t actually deserve to claim, or all of the characters of hers who Deserved Better (lol, uh. today, my therapist learned that I get Upset about Percy Weasley very easily and about my longstanding hate-on for his parents, and bless her heart, when I went, “uh, I just over-identify with Percy Weasley a lot and there’s a good deal of projection going on here but I also don’t think I’m wrong,” she kinda smiled and nodded and went, “I can tell :)” — she’s great, I love her)

or how, even ignoring all of the #Problematic things about her body of work in the Potterverse, there’s SO MUCH GOOD SHIT in the HP series but she’s so clearly invested in the plot as she envisions it and the story she wants to tell for Harry, to the exclusion of all else, that she ends up completely short-changing basically every other character who is not named Severus Snape or Hermione Granger (most of the time, but not 100% of the time)

Like, I’ve said it before and I will say it until everyone is completely sick of me saying it, then I will continue saying it anyway: JKR views all of her characters — barring Harry, and sometimes Snape and Hermione — as plot devices more than she views them as characters.

She’s a bit better about some of them (Remus, Sirius but not as much as Remus, Ron and Luna but not as much as they deserve, Neville and Draco but not in the ways that they deserve)

but she’s really bullshit about most of them (this is not a complete list, but: Cho; Ginny; Cedric; Tonks; Fleur; Albus, Aberforth, and Ariana; Voldemort — not in that I need her to be sympathetic toward him but ffs, some 101-level consistency in his characterization would be nice; Kingsley; Percy; Wormtail; James; Lily;

Lockhart — “I’m not bitter about JKR’s ableism and victim-blaming with regard to Gildylocks,” I say bitterly, with a bitter expression, while hanging up informational posters about how bitter I am; Andromeda and Ted — deserved better, this is not a question or a debate, I want to say that it’s not even an opinion, but tbh, I know that it is, so hmph; Regulus; Barty Crouch Jr. because he is my Favorite and I can’t make this list without mentioning him;

Bellatrix — again, I don’t need her to sympathize with Bellatrix because how about no? but Bellatrix Black Lestrange is one of the shittiest villains I’ve ever read, in terms of HOW she was written, and I think a lot of the flaws in how JKR wrote her could have been remedied if she actually did anything to make Bellatrix a fully realized character, which would’ve made her a more effective and meaningful villain, and not a shrieking Saturday morning cartoon caricature;

Molly and Arthur — I’m not going into full detail about why I hate them today, you lot can just go read my tag on the subject if you want to know, and I don’t think that JKR’s “plot device first, people second” method of characterization is the only problem? But I think it’s a major contributing factor to The Problem Of Molly And Arthur, because she presents them as this image of Idyllic Domestic Perfection even when their actions and the internal fabric of the Weasley Family, don’t support that claim, and it sucks)

—basically, JK Rowling motivates me by fucking up a lot, because she was one of my idols as a kid and as a teenager, and she was a relevant and immediate source of inspiration because Oh My God You Can So Too Write Novels For A Living And Make A Difference In People’s Lives, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that she saved my life a few times, albeit mostly in indirect fashions…… but she fucks up a lot, and this is motivating for me because it makes me want to do better than her.

It’s not even exclusive to HP fic, either. Like, she’s one of my biggest sources of motivation to work on my novel and put thought and love and heart into making it the best that it can be — because I want to do better than her and even if I never have her kind of money (which lol, never gonna happen), I still want to beat her at something. Once I earn it, I will happily accept beating her at artistic integrity and commitment.

Is it petty? Yes, definitely. But hey, man, fish gotta swim, dogs gotta eat, and sometimes, I gotta think about my issues with JK Rowling to remember that I need to do better than her and motivate myself to do the work

* You know those, “do it for her/him” memes based on that one thing from The Simpsons that people make with their fave characters and/or celebs? Yeah, I kind of want to make one for myself with Oscar Wilde. Because there’s a lot about him that wasn’t ever perfect (he was a white guy in Victorian England, even accounting for his Anglo-Irishness, so…… yeah), and there are several points on which I don’t agree with him (like, for example: if you are such a shit to your wife that your boyfriend, who is so completely up his own ass that it’s a miracle he hasn’t found a way to Narnia, notices and calls you out on it? I’m kinda thinking that you might want to reassess how you treat people and stop being like that, bub)

—but I also want to be a fabulous gay Slytherclaw social satirist who uses that #aesthetic and the popular tropes of the day to do my own thing and redefine outside the box, and hey, if I ever get a, “wit and wisdom of…” book published with some of my coolest quotables in it? That would be an awesome bonus.

* “Okay, but seriously: how obvious can I be that Yael and Elizabeth are a big, ‘fuck you’ to Marvel about all of their queerbaiting with Charles and Erik before I can get sued for it? Because while Yael and Elizabeth are still characters in their own right, their original inspiration was, ‘hey, what if I flipped the bird to Marvel about all of their fucking queerbaiting with Charles and Erik, and did it with extra lesbians? that’s be pretty fucking cool,’ and I don’t want to be sued, but I also don’t want for my point to be missed here”

—or more generally, “I can’t die before I finish my novel, I have a lot of people to piss off and call on their crap through the magic of the written word *makes a sparkly rainbow with my hands like Spongebob going, ‘imaginaaaaaaaation!!! :D’*”

* So, there’s this one bit in Dry, Augusten Burroughs’ memoir about the early parts of his struggle with alcoholism and addiction. In his rehab, one of their assignments for group therapy is to write letters to people in their lives and feel their feelings about these relationships. He writes to Pighead, his best friend/“it’s complicated,” who is HIV-positive.

Reading the letter at group, Augusten finds himself crying, then shares the whole tangled-up backstory that he and Pighead have together, from how they first met on a phone-sex line, to how Augusten fell hard in love with him, to how they were friends with benefits and then he told Pighead that he was in love with him and Pighead plays the, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” card (that is verbatim what he says in the book, and the way Burroughs reads it in the audiobook kills me every single time), so Augusten dates other guys and tries to fall out of love with Pighead, only for Pighead to come see him first when his HIV test comes back positive and realize that he’s In Love with Augusten only, “after he became diagnosed with a fatal disease”

—which gives us the great line, “Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker.”

(Which is seriously one of my top ten lines in all literature, ever. tbh, it’s probably top five, but the top ten list would be hard enough to come up with to begin with, and I’d have to parcel things out into Poetry, Prose [possibly split into Fiction and Nonfiction, at that], and Dramatic Writing just to get it down to ten things on each list, and? It’s just a perfect line, oh my god)

At the end of it, Augusten has a moment with Kavi, another one of the patients at his rehab, who is addicted to cocaine and sex. Kavi tells him about how he left his lover who was HIV-positive after his diagnosis, so that he wouldn’t be the person getting left for once, and about how he feels like cocaine never leaves him. And we get: “Suddenly, I want to drink.… I don’t want to drink in a jovial ‘Highballs for everybody!’ way. I want to drink to the point where I could undergo major knee surgery and not feel so much as a pinch.”

I just.

There is so much about this section of the book that fucks me up so hard, but in ways that I love so much — and there’s a lot that I love about it for a lot of reasons, but like?

Speaking entirely with my writer hat on right now?

That part is just immaculately written. Every word is perfectly chosen, and they are strung together just right. Burroughs chooses the exact right images and scenes to characterize his and Pighead’s developing relationship, and his moment with Kavi, and it’s just

This part of the book makes me remember why I write. Because I have been reading and rereading this book since high school — I have had my battered up and taped together paperback copy with the yellowing pages since Easter 2005 — and this part STILL fucks me up, every. single. time. The audiobook version of it still fucks me up every. single. time.

Back in high school when I first read it, it hit me so hard because I had a habit of falling in love with girls who were straight and/or just did not like me back (and it would get worse, because the girl I was in love with who dared me to write D*rarry just to see if I could? Would go on to put me in the position of being her Girl Friday while I got to watch her love everybody but me, and praise the creative work of everybody but me, and go on about how two of her other friends were totally brilliant and misunderstood creative geniuses because they were incomprehensible and it was totally bourgeois for me to want to write to be understood but it was okay she knows I’m ~mainstream like that, but then still call on me — which made the whole Augusten/Pighead thing hurt so much more for me because I was kind of her, “I love you, but I’m not In Love with you”)

(I will say this about that relationship: I didn’t handle it well, either. I was petty and jealous, and waaaay more damagingly? I hadn’t yet grasped the idea that you sometimes have to just let people be messed up at you about the shit they’re going though without trying to fix everything for them, especially when there’s nothing that you can actually do to fix it. In retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious that I loaned her a copy of Perks of Being A Wallflower that I never saw again, because the whole idea that you can’t just constantly put someone else’s needs before your own and call it love, and the related concept that doing this is actually kind of a form of selfishness, in a way?

………yeah, that was VERY relevant to how I handled that relationship, and she rightfully called me on a lot of shit related to those ideas, and I spent a lot of time having an unfair chip on my shoulder because I was jealous on one hand, and indignant about how her other friends got to be Real Artists™ because their shit was incomprehensible but I got to be a Poser Artist™ because I wanted to be understood and not just fap around with some neo-Dadaist nonsense — and as seen here, I still do have a chip on my shoulder about Dadaist anything, but in fairness, I’d have that with or without any of this story because Dada is the worst — and I’m not saying that I was totally pure or innocent in anything here.

But at the time, I cried a lot over Augusten/Pighead feels because I felt that whole, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” situation and trying to fall out of love with someone only to crumble when they needed you and resent them for needing you but hate yourself for resenting them — I felt all of that so hard.)

My appreciation for this part of the book has evolved and changed over time, and it’s deepened — as I’ve learned more about LGBTIQ history, I’ve come to appreciate the context of the story more and gain more of a sense of reverence for the LGBTIQ people who came before me and actually fought through the early days of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and it has changed how I read this part of the book more than anything else (c.f., my passive-aggressive addition of the REST of the quote to one post of the, ‘deep compassion vs. you fucker’ part because I was really annoyed with a bunch of straight people who were reblogging it without the full context and acting like they actually had any idea what it’s like to be gay and in a situation like Augusten is with Pighead here) — and I just

The biggest thing about this part of the book that’s made it stick around for me? is that no matter how I’ve appreciated it at any point, and no matter which parts of it have been the most important to me at any given moment, and no matter WHY it’s fucked me up — it’s still fucked me up so hard every. singled. fucking. time…… but in a way that has always made me feel a lot less alone in the world

It’s sort of similar to something that one of my fiction profs in undergrad once said about creating characters: we were talking, in one of our biweekly one-on-ones, about a story I’d brought in with one of my more off-putting characters (his name is Emerson, he’s an abrasive little shit who does a lot of very fucked up things and was kind of influenced by the Kurt/Karofsky plot back in season two of Glee because that was happening on TV at the time and I had a lot of feelings about it that I didn’t have any other way to deal with because I didn’t want to write Glee fic about all of it. He was more similar to Karofsky than Kurt)

I was convinced that everyone would hate him (not least because he an asshole to basically all of the other characters and assaulted the guy he had a crush on while he was high). Instead, he was actually really popular and one of my classmates, who I admired because her writing was so lyrical and confident and she was a great person, said that she found herself identifying with him, especially during some of his worst moments in that draft. While I was boggling about this, Professor Lucy said that one of the reasons why Emerson went over so gangbusters in workshop was that, instead of going the route of creating a tabula rasa character like Stephenie Meyer wrote Bella Swan to be, I’d given him so many clearly defined character traits and behaviors

According to Professor Lucy, the specificity is what makes it easier for people to identify with characters and feel for them, because it makes them more fully realized. (The, “according to” is just for the sake of attribution because this is a point that I’ve taken to heart and that I do totally agree with Professor Lucy about.) And I feel that a lot with the Augusten/Pighead part of the book because it’s so specific and it’s so grounded and it’s so REAL

And that’s a huge part of why it’s always gotten to me emotionally, and why it’s stuck with me after all this time, and why it’s consistently made me feel less alone and irreparably freakishly weird

Anyway, this got way longer than I intended to get, but the ability to affect someone so deeply with your work — that’s a responsibility that I take very seriously when it comes to writing, with regard to all different aspects of how you can possibly do this with the written word — and this part of Dry is such a source of motivation for me because it’s such a great example, for me, of How To Do An Emotionally Affecting Writer Thingy Well

I use technical language like this because I am such a Serious Business Writer, oh yes I am

47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

I usually don’t count, because it’s usually a lot and not all of them are really guaranteed to ever be properly finished, oops.

[the-record-columns]

June 14, 2017: Columns

Patience...

By KEN WELBORN

Record Publisher

As noted many times in this space,one of my favorite people in the whole world was the legendary attorney and judge, the late Max Ferree.

 In one column, I admitted to having stolen stories from him for years, and, as his reply, he wrote me a beautiful letter which was vintage Max. In it, he acknowledged my sins, forgave me, then, as only Max could, admonished me to at least “Get them right from now on.” To that end, he mailed me a three pound packet of stories which I have dutifully used off and on for years, and faithfully given credit to Max.

 What follows is, to me, the one most special.

 In the year 1899, a young daughter was born to Sarah and William Max Ferree in the south mountains of Burke County. She was the fourth child born to Sarah, the other three being named Arthur, Lola, and Mabel. The Ferrees' named this child Patience, perhaps because Sarah died soon after the birth. This child was the pet of the family, even though William Max married Louise Morrison later on, who gave birth to H. Clay Ferree, the new baby of the family.

 William Max Ferree was a south mountaineer, who had a small “jot 'em down” store which probably measured no more than 20' x 35'. He had counters and shelves in there together with a big pot-bellied stove. It was a gathering place for south mountaineers—a combination of saw millers, red clay farmers, and whiskey manufacturers on the creeks and branches that left the south mountains of Burke on the way to the Catawba River.

 William Max was really proud of a new addition in his store, the same consisting of a paper cutter and a twine yarn holder. Afterward, every package sold there that needed to be wrapped in paper could be, with just the right amount cut with a cleaver off of a big roll. He figured that the combination paid for itself with a little extra charge on the dry goods he sold. One day in 1914, much to his consternation, he found that somebody had whacked off a bunch of paper on the rotary and messed up some string, allegedly in an effort to wrap something. He made inquiry of his entire family but all stood mute as to who has wasted loads of wrapping paper, which he sensed knocked the profit off quite a number of sales. Later on at Christmas, presents were being unwrapped and there for him was a package wrapped in such a fashion that he knew that the giver must of same must have been the culprit, who had messed up his string and wrapping paper earlier. William Max vamped a little bit and started taking the paper off the box and ream after ream came off.

 As it did, he became angrier and he bellowed out, “You mean you used all of that wrapping paper, just to wrap this box?” He opened the box and it was empty. That added more fury. “You used all that just to give me nothing?” Then little Patience said, “But Daddy, what I gave you was all my kisses—I blew them all into the box, so it really took a big box to hold them and took a lot of wrapping paper. William Max held it up, hugged her, and took the box and left the room with tears in his eyes. Patience died during the flu epidemic of 1918-1919, Above all others, William Max took it the hardest.

 In 1932 the old man passed on and left a Holographic Will, wherein he gave his old red clay farm to his wife Louise for life, the remainder over to his four children, H. Clay, Arthur, Mabel, and Lola. In his hand written will, William Max added this: “There is a box wrapped in paper and string on the upper shelf of our store back in the corner. Place this box in my coffin, because I've told Patience that I would bring the box to her when I came and I want to keep my promise and bring that box full of kisses, so that we might have it, God willing, through eternity.” Signed in the presence of God this the 4th day of March, 1919, by William Max Ferree – (Seal.)

  To those interested, William Max's mandate was carried out and the box was placed in the home-made white oak casket, the interior of which was lined with worn blankets, the lower body covered with an old quilt. But the big box with all of the wrapping paper on it was placed across William Max's chest so that he might deliver it in person to Patience.

 Max Ferree was born in 1924 to H. Clay and Hattie Poteat Ferree in Burke County, NC.

 Quieting your brain

By LAURA WELBORN

Jancee Dunn asked the question “Can modern day multi-taskers really learn to quiet their minds?”.  I for one have a hard time getting to quiet, I tend to have the TV on for no other purpose but noise as I talk on the phone or check my social media.    

I personally had to train myself on another form of meditation- mindfulness. I found the following great strategies to get mindful.  First I realized all you need to do is pay attention to your inner and outer experience in the present moment, without judgment. Ideally, you get mindful in a quiet spot- walking, sitting at your desk or even standing in line.  It’s more important to be away from engaging distraction, such as your computer than it is for your space to be dead silent. Close your eyes or not, and settle your attention on the feeling of the normal, natural breath, where ever its most clear to you- the nostrils, chest or abdomen  See if you can feel one breathe fully, then the next breath.   Dunn states that it is hard for her to clear her mind of wandering but when you find your mind wandering the experts says to notice the thoughts and then just let them go.  

Here is the beginning steps to getting focused or centered:.

Minute 1; breathe deeply shutting your eyes can help you focus on the inner workings of your body while leaving them open strengthens your ability to stay serene amid external distractions.  Inhale for a count of four and exhale for a count of six.

Minute 2:  find your natural pace

Stop counting and allow your breathing to fall into an easy rhythm. Pay attention to what your breaths feel like- not overly deep or shallow and compare that with your usual cadence. Tune in to the rising and falling sensation in your body from your belly to your shoulders.

Minute 3:  stay focused. Continue to be aware of your breathing. If random thoughts (work deadlines etc.) pops into your head don't push them out or linger on them.  Instead imagine each one as a harmless floating cloud.  This visualization technique helps you acknowledge your worries without responding to the emotionally.  If a thought still doesn't drift away from your mind, jot it down on a note pad and turn back to your mediation.

Minute 4:  relax Release your focus on your breathing and simply be.  Remind yourself that there is nothing to do, fix or change.

Minute 5:  give thanks. Think about something that you’re grateful for, such as spending time with friends or having the chance to mediate. Then gradually transition your thoughts to how you feel:  the relaxed stat and your heartbeat.  Open your eyes stand up and start your day- cool calm and collected.

Research is showing us that mediating can actually form new and permanent neural connections in the brain.  "Mediation trains your mind to focus on the moment instead of worrying about what occurred in the past or what could happen in the future"  Janet Nima Taylor the author of Mediation for non mediators.

Recognizing value in every life

By EARL COX

Special to The Record

 Autism spectrum is a developmental disorder with a range or “spectrum” of differing skill and disability levels. Affected people have social problems—difficulty communicating and interacting with others, and controlling their emotions. Autism has carried a stigma in Israel where, until 2014, schools often expelled students for misbehavior due to a lack of special-education guidelines. Autism also excludes young Israelis from military service, hindering their integration into society and prospects for future employment.

But that’s changing. Israel is pursuing research, treatment and rehabilitation, and addressing the need to broaden social services and housing for about 8,000 people with autism. One of its most stunning breakthroughs is the Israeli Defense Force’s recruitment of autistic soldiers for its Satellite Intelligence Unit. The soldiers spend hours scouring complex satellite images for incremental changes that indicate suspicious objects or movements. The young encoders’ extraordinary visual recall and attention to detail have saved lives.

Created in 2012 by former Mossad Director Tamir Pardo, the program, dubbed “Seeing Beyond,” harnesses the unique brilliance of the autistic mind. About one in three people with autism combine cognitive and social challenges with “profound” skills that psychiatrist Darold Treffert calls “islands of genius.” Autistic “savants” are geniuses in music, the arts, math or memory—like the IDF soldiers in the visual intelligence unit. These soldiers also learn life skills, like using public transportation, to help them overcome social and communication challenges. Other interventions benefit and nurture lower-performing children and adults with autism spectrum. Perhaps Israel’s growing experience can help build bridges with the Palestinians.

A Tradition of Humanitarian Aid

Israel has long helped its Arab neighbors, even enemy combatants, with humanitarian medical aid. In Gaza, “there are no resources, no services, nothing for [autism sufferers],” said Palestinian researcher Mohammed Habash. In the West Bank, stigma and discrimination, poor education and social services, and war compound the problem, said Professor Sarah Dababnah. Local schools turn affected children away, so they stay at home. Families struggle with inaccurate diagnoses from untrained doctors, and no statutory social services or financial support exists. Nonprofits and a few dedicated advocates struggle to fill the vacuum, she said. Parents face emotional distress, with mothers often blamed for their child’s disability. Lacking early intervention, affected children grow up unable to communicate, use the toilet or feed themselves. Many try to hurt themselves or throw destructive tantrums. According to Habash, about 15 percent of parents think autism is a result of war between the Palestinians and Israel. Others blame watching TV, or simply have no understanding what’s wrong with their child.

Recently, Lifegate, an EU-funded, West Bank nonprofit, participated in an autism conference at Ziv Medical Center. Lifegate Director Burghard Schunkert called the cooperation with Israeli doctors, therapists and institutions “very heartening.” It’s important to keep up with the latest research, he said. “That’s why we’re here.”

See beyond the barriers

But while shared research and resources are vital, there’s a thornier issue at stake. The IDF autistic soldiers’ unit is unique because of the mindset behind it—the value Israel places on human life, and its corresponding desire to see people reach their full potential.

But in the Palestinian territories, people are expendable—an attitude influenced by the officially sanctioned mindset of glorifying and inciting death by martyrdom or terrorism. That’s why parents don’t quibble when their children are taught, not to excel and prosper, but to stab and kill Israelis. Muslim reformer Islam al-Behery says a “change of heart” is the key to successfully bring Palestinians and other radical Islamists into the 21st century. If the Palestinians could see value in every life, perhaps they would spend less money supporting terrorism and invest in strengthening the most vulnerable of their own. Surely their hope and future would become better. This humanitarian need is another opportunity for Israel to be a model to its neighbors—by sharing knowledge and resources to enhance the quality of life. Israel is indeed changing the world for the better yet for this they receive little recognition and very little appreciation.

Brighten your day.

A Full Moon On the Island and Amy’s Stories

By CARL WHITE

Life in the Carolinas

It was to be a full moon night when I arrived on the Island, I had checked into The Cove Bed and Breakfast, as is my normal habit when researching for another Island story.

Sharon is the Inn Keeper and has a good feel for everything happening on Ocracoke. I ask if there were anything interesting going on that night and see said, well Amy is doing the Ghost Tour that blends in a lot of the Island history. An historic ghost tour on a full moon night sounded perfect. Sharon made the call and I was added to the list.

The tour was conducted by ninth generation Ocracoke resident Amy Howard who has been a tour guide for more than 12 years.

There was a good number of people who showed up for the tour which started at 7:15pm. We were all warmly greeted on Howard Street and provided with a selection of mosquito repellent for which we were all grateful.

The tour was full of history that spanned from the settlement of the Island, War time, a variety of colorful personalities and of course stories of the unexplained.

We learned that dreams were taken seriously on the island. A dream of death or disaster concerned everyone. One such dream was had by Fannie Pearl MacWilliams. Born in 1894 she was the daughter of Department store owners John and Elizabeth MacWilliams. The family lived in a large Victorian home not far from the Ocracoke

Lighthouse. This was also a time when traveling from one side of the island to the other was not easy.

When Fannie Pearl was 16 she was a student of and Robert Stanley Wahab, who had returned to the island after going away for higher education. Stanley was only six years her senior and it was not long before they found themselves attracted to each other.

Fannie Peal was an accomplished student and her further education was supported by her parents who decided to send her to a boarding school off the island. When Stanley learned that his sweetheart would be leaving the island he sought employment in the Norfolk area so that he could be near Fannie Pearl. There love continued to grow and they were soon married. Not long after at the age of 18 Fannie Pearl discovered she was with child.

In 1912 the custom of the day was for expecting women to not be seen in public, so Fannie Pearl returned to the Island to stay with Martha Ann Wahab, her mother in law. Stanley continued to work in Norfolk and he sent money to his wife on a regular schedule.

At breakfast on one fall morning Martha Ann noticed that Fannie Pearl seemed sad, however she was unwilling to talk about the reason for her uncommon despair. It as later in the day that Fannie Pearl shared with her mother in law that she had a dreadful dream, in which she had died.  She said that her spirt hovered over her own lifeless body that had been dressed in a solid white dress and placed in a white silk lined white casket.

The casket was then placed on a freshly white painted sailing skiff. On calm waters a silvery white moon suddenly rose against the distant live oaks on the far horizon.

Naturally Martha Ann tried to comfort Fannie Pearl, however it was not easy. The next morning Martha Ann called for upstairs for Fannie Pearl to come down for breakfast, there was no response. She called again and still no response, with concern she took the stairs and opened the door to reveal the lifeless body of Fannie Pearl.

Stanley was notified as soon as possible, he responded with a request to please do nothing until he returned. He quickly made plans to travel and went to find the best casket he could afford for his young bride. With the casket loaded on his pickup he made his way to wait for the mail boat to arrive.

The four-hour trip to the island was with a heavy heart and upon arrival things moved quickly. Fannie Pearl was to be buried on the other side of the water with her parent’s family plot. This was not an easy task and the only way to quickly make the trip was to utilize a skiff. About mid-way across Martha Ann who was in the skiff behind the boat caring the body of Fannie Pearl, gasp as she saw the new silvery moon and realized that the details Fannie Pearl shared about her own death had come to pass just as she described.

As Amy Howard shared this story, I turned and started taking pictures over Silver Lake. It was a full moon night, however the full moon was behind me. It may have been dust, a moth or whatever, but whatever it I was, it was on perfect cue for Amy's Story. Rest In Peace Fannie Pearl.

Another interesting visit to Ocracoke Island.

Carl White is the executive producer and host of the award winning syndicated TV show Carl White’s Life In the Carolinas. The weekly show is now in its seventh year of syndication and can be seen in the Charlotte viewing market on WJZY Fox 46 Saturdays at 12:00 noon. For more on the show visit  www.lifeinthecarolinas.com, You can email Carl White at Carl@lifeinthecarolinas.com.                    

Copyright 2017 Carl White