#all of this is to say i want to observe some casual viewers to see how much they pick up on and how much is just us being well fans

[unsteadylilactree]

sometimes i think about how 90% of what we talk about in this fandom actually goes like directly over the heads of casual viewers. like wow i’m so lucky to be here.

[meiliarotten]

Team Fortress 2 Kinktober Time

Day 2: Desk Toy (Toys)

🔞MINORS DNI🔞

Pairings: Spy x Fem!Reader

Summary: Gonna be honest with y’all, I didn’t bother with summaries for a lot of these when I originally posted them on ao3. So- how about a fun fact! This was the first Spy x Reader I ever wrote!

Tags: Overstimulation, toys, praise, kinda exhibitionism?

Word Count: 1.1k

The Masterlist

You gripped the edge of the desk until your knuckles went white, doubling over as another orgasm wracked your body. A sob-like moan ripped from your throat as you clenched around the unforgiving silicon within you, held firmly to the desk with a suction cup at its base. A sweet mix of pleasure and overstimulation washed over you, so thoroughly that you felt like you could drown in it.

And in front of you sat the conductor and sole viewer of the entire lewd display. Spy leaned back in a luxurious, expensive looking chair. He watched you with a steady gaze. The only sign that he was enjoying himself at all was the obvious tent in his pants, which he had ignored in favor of watching you ruin yourself on the fancy toy he had bought.

It was a small but thick dildo made from pitch black silicon, curved in just the right places. Spy had proudly showed off its best aspects, boasting that he had purchased it just for you. Of course, you were eager to try it out with him. You just hadn’t expected it to play out like this.

“Aw, tired?” Spy asked, faux pity in his tone and gaze as he looked you over. “I did not say you could stop though, did I?”

You had lost track of how many times you had orgasmed long ago, and the ache of overstimulation seemed to invade every nerve of your body. However, Spy continued to push you onward. He met your gaze with an expectant look. He wasn’t about to offer you any respite.

So, with some effort, you continued to thrust yourself down onto the toy, ignoring the pervasive ache in your core. Part of you wondered if you would even be able to make yourself come again at this point. You were so wet, your slick ran down the sides of the toy, copious enough to drip down onto the dark wood below.

“Look at you, making such a mess of yourself, ma bonne fille,” Spy said. You flushed at his words, wondering how he could remain so casual while saying such filthy things to you.

You simply moved faster, plunging the toy into yourself with renewed determination. You desperately chased yet another orgasm, trying to focus on your own feelings rather than Spy and his ever attentive gaze. Still, he managed to worm his way into your thoughts.

“Tell me, what are you thinking of right now?” Spy asked, almost as if he could read your mind.

“What?” You asked with a gasp, pausing and allowing the dizzying sensations to ebb away for just a moment.

“What are you thinking about as you bounce on that toy, mon amour?” Spy asked, a bit more firmly this time.

You stammered as you answered, struggling to think clearly, and in the end you were only able to get out one coherent word; “You.”

Spy simply nodded, waving his hand in a gesture that seemed to mean that he wanted you to go on, to be a bit more specific .

“I’m thinking about you,” you gasped, putting in immense effort to speak coherently between moans. “I’m thinking about you finally letting me get off of this damn thing and fucking me yourself!”

Again, all you received in response was a nod, and perhaps a grin if you squinted. It was frustrating to see him looking so calm and collected, despite his obvious arousal. You couldn’t imagine the effort and self control it must have taken for him to ignore his own needs for so long like this. He ordered you to make a mess of yourself over and over again for his viewing pleasure, only to sit there and observe you as if you were a mildly interesting film.

“Spy, please,” you begged, your movements starting to slow down as your strength began to dwindle. “I don’t think I can keep going.”

“Here chérie, let me help,” Spy said, and with that, he stood from his seat for the first time since this ordeal began. He paced around the desk to stand behind you. A gentle hand on your shoulder pulled you so that you were leaning back slightly. You wavered for a moment, trying to look behind you to the edge of the desk.

“Don’t worry dear, I won’t let you fall,” Spy said, his other hand resting on your back, promising to hold you steady.

You took a deep breath, facing forward again and grinding down against the toy when Spy told you to. A pang of genuine pleasure was felt through the haze of overstimulation when hit your g-spot. A choked moan tore from your throat as you thrust yourself down, focusing on that sensitive area.

“Ah bonne, that is a good spot, no?” Spy said, laughing softly as he heard your moans reach a sudden peak.

“Oh god, yes,” you said, moving faster with renewed strength and vigor.

“Oui, there’s the enthusiasm I wanted to see!” Spy said, beginning to caress your body. You sighed at the feeling of gloved hands traveling over your bare skin, teasing at your breasts and other erogenous areas. Eventually, his hands came to rest on your hips, gently guiding your movements.

“You’re doing so very well. Are you going to come soon?” He asked, close enough that his breath could be felt against the back of your neck. It sent a shiver down your spine.

“Yes, oh fuck!” you became almost unintelligible as you desperately ground your hips downward, chasing your climax.

“That’s right chérie, come for me, just like that,” Spy said, chuckling at your rapidly dwindling control. One of his arms weaved around your waist, his hand reaching down to rub at your clit. The rich feeling of leather clad fingers proved to be enough to tip you over the edge.

Once again, you writhed on the toy, your hands scrabbling to anchor yourself on smooth wood, eventually clutching the edges of the desk. Spy caressed you and pressed soothing kisses to the nape of your neck as you rode out your orgasm, and when you had finally come down from the high, he carefully hoisted your body up and off of the toy. Almost immediately, you collapsed onto your side, legs dangling off the side of the desk.

"Très bien. You’ve done such a good job for me, ma belle chérie,” he crooned, still petting and traversing the curves of your body with his hands.

“Thank you,” you stammered, relishing the feeling of leather gloves smoothing over your skin.

“However…”

You didn’t even get the chance to register that last word when you were suddenly rolled onto your back to face Spy, barely managing to hold yourself upright by your still trembling arms. He grinned down at you, and you saw the lust in his eyes, the lust that he had been keeping tight reins on throughout this whole ordeal, until now. You watched with an intoxicating mix of eagerness and trepidation as he unzipped his fly.

“Surely, you can handle just one more round, darling?”

[bizarrequazar]

GJ and ZZH Updates — August 27-September 02

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

08-27 → A Twitter space was held discussing the upcoming Zhang Sanjian concert, money laundering, and other related topics. [recording] [written notes]

08-28 → Gong Jun posted a douyin of himself trying out a filter. Caption: “A bit darker, but not completely black (manual dog head)” (Possibly referring to his skin colour, as he was just filming a variety show?) BGM is a remix of Just Say Hello by Melo D.

→ The Instagram posted ten photos of “Zhang Zhehan” on a bike trip.

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a video of Gong Jun filming the earlier douyin. Caption: “Goodnight (from Gong ‘mental work in progress, don’t do it again’ Jun)”

08-29 → Gong Jun posted a commercial he did for the fashion company GXG, officially announcing his endorsement with them. Caption: “On the set, interpret the various roles; in the workplace, focus and never slack off. I am very happy to become the global brand spokesperson of GXG. Join @ GXGfashion, explore the new identity in the workplace, and start a zero-pressure commuting journey with me” The same commercial was also posted by GXG.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted nine photo ads featuring Gong Jun. The same was also posted by GXG. Caption: “What to wear to work today? @ Gong Jun Simon has the answer: don’t want to be too serious, don’t be too casual, just wear GXG to work!” 

→ Flora posted a thread discussing indications that Zhang Zhehan was approached by CAPA after 813 but refused to yield to their demands. [follow-up]

08-30 → GXG posted a vlog from their shoot with Gong Jun. Caption: “Ding, the freshly released spokesperson @ Gong Jun Simon is dedicated and handsome in his entry vlog, it’s hard not to love~~” [subbed video]

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a vlog of behind the scenes footage from the GXG shoot. Caption: “Comfortable and minimalist, look for yourself. @ Gong Jun Simon's autumn and winter reverie~”

→ The Instagram posted ten photos of “Zhang Zhehan” on a bike trip.

08-31 → The Instagram posted more of the same.

09-01 → Same thing from the Instagram.

→ Gong Jun posted a vlog of him throwing pottery. Caption: “Have a little bit of art 😎” [subbed video] His studio reposted this with the added caption: “‘Gong’ to crafting class, completed successful‘Ye’” (I tried.)

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a photo of a clay mushroom Gong Jun made, announcing winners of a giveaway for them. Caption: “The season of summer has cooled to autumn, I am grateful to all those who have contributed to the Prince's Mansion. #Han Ye Prince's Mansion Talent Recruitment Order# has come to a successful conclusion!”

→ The Legend of Anle Weibo posted three stills of Han Ye in a post celebrating the show ending for free viewers. 

→ Gong Jun’s official fan club posted an image not only confirming rumors of him attending New York Fashion Week (09-11 to 09-13) but also revealing that he’ll be attending Milan Fashion Week (09-19 to 09-21) as well.

09-02 → Gong Jun’s studio changed their Weibo header. This one includes a signature of “Simon” rather than Gong Jun’s usual signature. Fan Observation: Many CPFs commented that the squiggle behind the name looks like a Z. Not only that, but it even seems to match part of Zhang Zhehan’s signature.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted three photos of him painting pottery. Caption: “Challenge of not having a rollover! @ Gong Jun Simon is quite gifted for this? Not sure, look again 🧐”

→ Gong Jun Outdoor Office posted a photo of the cup Gong Jun made with a large split down the side. (Judging from the video, this was able to be fixed before the clay dried.) Caption: “The birth of a great work of art! (What is a rollover? I haven’t heard of it) (It must be because the little rabbit’s head is too heavy) (I’ve confirmed that it’s a smart rabbit)” Fan Observation: It’s interesting that they’re insisting the little clay animal is a rabbit considering that in the video when Gong Jun is painting the rabbit, he’s looking at something to the left of this one. Based off appearance, I personally would be more inclined to guess that this one is a dog.

→ The Instagram posted five photos of “Zhang Zhehan” hiking in the mountains.

→ Ranyi Music posted an image of Zhou Zishu to promote the Zhang Sanjian KL concert. Either they’re desperate for more attention and/or they’re baiting a lawsuit.

Additional Reading: → An update to the rumors from 08-16 of Gong Jun suing antis and whalers: Several of these are now confirmed thanks to the whalers in question publicly whining about them. [info about one] [another] → Harry, Coya, and Zell are organizing a fandom event for Mid-Autumn Festival, participation is open to all (except whalers)!

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

[verycharismaticdragon]

On Air Island - chapter 4 - part 6

navigation: [prev] - [next]

catching up: ch.1 [full] - ch.2 p.1 - story so far [transcript]

other: [character guide] - [to avoid sp⊘ilers]

Took out my vote as usual to solve the tie ✌️ I would say you missed something good but thankfully there's no version of this conversation that isn't gay af

(the transcript is available below the poll, under keep reading)

Yeah in case it wasn't clear, Hanse switched to addressing Ezra informally too at the end. Hanse be like 'i will do almost anything my donating viewers tell me to do but i draw the line at not letting a pretty guy call me by name'. Like my beloved child your priorities lol

*og tl: Tell them not to be a bother and just leave!

**og tl: Hanse, help Honari to calm her down

Transcript legend:

In-game text

Character speaking: dialogue line

regular chat message Donation: donation message

available donation messages

{ Alternative translation }

|| 🏅 award (achievement) collected ||

———— ———— ————

Ezra: Hanse, do you mind if I leave? { Mr. Lee Hanse, is it okay to talk casually? }

[player] donated 50 Small Diamond: Who said that??? That's ridiculous^^; { Decided that one-sidedly??? Ridiculous ^^; }

Hanse: Ouch............... [player], calm down!

Ezra: Hmm? What does the observer say?

MyGod: ikr who said that { fr one-sidedly decided } Uaenaa: They can be friends! Like why not?

Hanse: Well...... I think he's wondering why you wanted to let go of the horse. { Well… I think they are curious why you switched to informal speech. }

Ezra: Ah~ We're the same age, right?

Ezra: We worked well together on the mission, and I thought we got along pretty well. { Besides, we worked well together while doing missions, and I thought we became quite close. }

goodboy: How old are they? Minplant: idk

Ezra: If I'm the only one who felt that way, I might feel a little lonely.

Hanse: Oh, no! I was, too. I was, too. I mean, really...... { N-no! So did, so did I. It’s not just empty words, I really… }

Hanse: Please take care of me, Ezra!

onionin: Hanse you are… { lmaoooo Hanse this was too much lol } savvymn: Please take care of me too Ezra♡

Ezra: Thank you, Hanse.

Ezra: It's dark, so be careful around here. I'll see you later.

goodboy: What a Sweet Guy

Naoto: Ha! I've prepared myself for the fact that I'll be doing a lot of live shows, but...... { Ha! I knew we would be doing all sorts of crazy things so I mentally prepared myself, but... }

Naoto: I didn't expect it to be this bad.

Naoto: I'm sure we'll find blood or something to prove it's a serious matter.

Believe: Cheer up Naoto! hansame: Be careful HsWAVE: But what if Naoto is right? Can they do this? iceice33: The production team must have had some considerations. sunisme: If the island is that dangerous, they probably won’t bring them to this island in the first place

Mr.Fact: Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go!

Mr.Fact: Isn't this a golden opportunity? You're not the type to miss this, are you?

Darling: He is so excited SaMSiKi: Blind for money… deeping: I hope Hanse will get it, not Mr.Fact.

Mr.Fact: What's that? Don't you dare to take a peek!

Alice: The empty wheelbarrow is making a lot of noise. In fact, we're leaving before Mr. Fact!

Mr.Fact: You're really pissed, aren't you? I'm going too. Go!

floopy: WHY AM I TREMBLING?!?!? sunisme: Fyuh intense one here fyuh nohanse: Let’s go too hanseya: We can’t be late

Honari: Hanse, you've been looking a bit pale......

Tell them not to be a bother and just leave! { Say, “Stop bothering me and go away!” }

Hanse, help Honari to calm her down { Help Honari feel at ease, Hanse }

Is something wrong? Please answer it honestly

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

[its-moopoint]

This is 2023. Nothing will change is shipperville.

Anonymous asked:

Do you think cait had any idea what her marriage would do to outlander?? Or with Sam reputation?

denise-alwaysuselove answered:

I must preface my response by saying that I don’t believe Cait is married to anyone other than Sam. The public “marriage” is nothing more than a publicity stunt to bring the focus to the narrative. It’s not so much about Cait’s “marriage” as it is about “proving” that Sam and Cait are not together. 

That said, I doubt Cait realized that the bigwigs would hijack it for Outlander promo. Their co-opting of the fake engagement and wedding for their own nefarious purposes should tell anyone with a brain that they are part of this nonsense. Executives at that level have no reason to get involved in a narrative unless it serves them.

I think Cait’s upset that her stunts didn’t stay in the background as she had planned contributed to her lashing out on twitter and to her blocking sprees. I believe she was blindsided by her bosses, leaving her feeling backed into a corner whenever she was questioned.

I don’t think the “marriage” has hurt Sam’s reputation. Those of us here on Tumblr study everything with a magnifying glass. Casual fans don’t see what we see, and for the most part they accept what they are shown without question. However, based on the number of new followers the past few months, it appears that some of the new OL viewers have noticed the same thing shippers noticed years ago. Some things are hard to hide if you have the eyes to see.

What the bigwigs at LG/Sony/Starz didn’t take into account is that shippers have very long memories and a mega-warehouse full of receipts. We’re also smart, and many of us are intuitive. 

I know what I’ve seen all these years, and I know what Sam and Cait openly showed us before Albrecht brought the hammer down on January 8, 2016. They can bring in all the ridiculously fake girlfriends they want for Sam, and all the fake ceremonies they want for Cait, but I know better.

My blog is about love. I honor the love I’ve seen between Sam and Cait both before and after the denial. Why am I so steadfast? It’s really about trust: I can choose to trust myself and my own inner knowing, or I can believe the illusion that others are desperate to sell. For me and my house, I trust love.

importantcowboyfestival

I'm brand new shipper just since covid19 and I'm no fool!!! I'm on board with you.

happilyscentedsoul

You guys are definitely not alone. I know what I've seen and observed on my own with a little digging, and what I've seen here with this "group" so far only confirms what my gut has been telling me. Glad to find I'm not the only one who believes in "standing back and observing" when one encounters a brick wall. Sam and Cait both (but especially Sam) have been sharing little nuggets all along. Of course, the nuggets com in spurts, but that is to be expected, due to what they must do to try and satisfy everyone, especially bosses. I strongly feel more will be coming and it is just a matter of patience. I think they are honestly doing the best they can at the mo.

lindah1919

July 9 is when Sam’s contract is supposedly up. Hopefully he’s hired high powered attorneys.

briarbushies

WOW everything you have said is 100% right some who don't know don't really want to know but we've known since OL began and no narrative will change our minds as we've seen them fall in love and have their family even though hidden but we can always read between the lines but seeing all the fake GF they've thrown at Sam they have never been a match like Sam & Caitriona who's love just oozes from their bodies and souls!!

pizbernina-79

It’s a good thing to let the newbies see all facts which the engaged shippers have sampled since the beginning of the love story of S/C. You all have done a great job and you always trust your feelings! Love you all for that! 😍

Denise dear, stop lying to your followers, newbies and pretend this is about beliefs and trust. It's not anymore, it's about facts. Public marriage ain't an article in People anymore, public Tait marriage is all her people going to Bruton, St Mary's church being booked for T McG and then a marriage certificate with both C and T named legally registered at GRO. Certificate of which several people got several different copies. So public marriage what? Married to S when and where?? Ibiza??

LOL you are so pathetic carrying tales VS actual data.

[magnuficent76]

Summary: Local 16 year old goes through the most traumatic, horrifying experience of his life. And then puts an end to it.

Words: 4k and some hehe

Characters used: Luis (Lockett) and Marsh (Marsi)

Warnings: pretty bad depictions of violence, dehumanizing behaviour, blood, mental and physical torture, emetophobia, so much cursing these people have very dirty mouthes. Viewer discretion is advised.

Author's note: As always, there's a dictionary at the end of it ! This is a prequel to something I already posted here :]

——————————————————————————————————

There are things people wish to never see in their life, whether it be out of fear or out of self respect, that they will inevitably have to see at some point. Life isn't fair to anybody, it doesn't care how awful you feel, how terrible of a sight it provides you, you end up having to face off against those terrors at some point or the other, whether you want it or not.

That's what I tell myself, always. I prepare myself for this inevitable confrontation, with teeth and claws bared, ready to fight against it, like I've always done.

I didn't imagine, however, that that day would've been today.

Waking up and feeling my face against the cold stone floor, with my wrists bound together by heavy cuffs, I jolted awake and pulled them as hard as I could to no avail. Looking around the jail cell, it became clear that I wasn't the first to be put in it. From the walls stained with old, dark blood, to the cracked and scratched up stones from what I can only presume is some form of weapon hitting them repeatedly, I knew immediately I had to get out of this place… wherever this place is.

I don't remember much of what happened before this strangely enough, but I have a feeling I will find out soon enough.

I tugged on the chain that bound me to the ground by the cuffs. Heavy and shiny, made from a metal I can't recognize, with runes very roughly carved into each link. Whoever trapped me here must really not want me out, if they have to get all defensive from the get go.

It's at this moment that I stop completely, forgetting to breathe for a second.

I'm alone. I'm trapped by myself, and they have Marsi with them, and even if I wanted to do something- Panic spreads in my mind, my sight becomes blurred and I can't seem to calm down, if they did something to him…

No. No. I can't let myself be controlled by fear.

Fear is for the weak. Fear makes you weak. I am not afraid.

I catch my breath, ground myself, and think. If Marsi isn't with me, they need him for something, which means they wouldn't hurt him, not now. I can't do much with these binds, but if I'm cooperative enough, maybe they'll let their guards down. I'll open a portal and get us both out of here in no time.

I sit down across the door in front of me, and begin counting tiles in the jail cell, at least until someone comes along and makes me do something else.

.

.

.

And surely enough, someone does seem to come. I see their shadow grow closer through the window, and I immediately get up to greet them. Their footsteps are loud, boots of some kind, and something shuffles along with them- Some kind of trinket? It sounds metallic, maybe some form of badge? I evaluate what I'll say carefully, remaining as relaxed as I physically can as the door slowly swings open to reveal my supposed captor…

A human woman. Tall, that one, couldn't be older than 40, with an outfit I could only describe as militaristic, with short and heavy duty boots and a coat hanging off her shoulders. She smiled bitterly, arching an eyebrow at me while she assessed the situation.

"You've wandered pretty far from home, haven't you little titan?" She says, as if she's made some kind of clever observation, "It must be hard to deal with the weather around here, knowing how different your homeland is."

"It's not that bad. The people are harder to get used to, if I'm honest," I reply casually, not breaking eye contact "Besides, not my first time around here. I have my ways to get places"

She closes the door behind her with a single quick motion, eyeing me down with a particular glare. I've heard humans tend to hide judgement within their eyes, and it's true. I can hear the gears in her mind turning to figure out a new, "clever" way to subtly insult my kind. If she's one of those people, I'm sure she only has the nicest things to say.

"Well, regardless. I imagine you're wondering what you're doing here."

"Not really, I'm really just counting tiles for the time being. There's about 215 stones on the floor from what I've counted."

She laughs, and it sounds phoney. She can tell I'm being sarcastic hopefully, but she doesn't appreciate it.

"My, quite the counter are you not?" She jokes, coming closer to me as her smile lessens. "But no… really, are you thinking about what you're really here for?"

I think about what to say next, carefully considering my options, my ears twitch a bit. "You need me for something."

"Such a smart boy." She smirks grimly. "You, and your little brother, the shorter lad with a big coat…"

Marsi-

"It'd be a shame if something happened to him, would it not?"

"If you lay a god damned finger on my brother, I'm going to punch a new hole in your skull." I rapidly snap, not even thinking about what I'm saying. She smiles amusedly, sitting in front of me unbothered.

"Woah now, let's not get aggressive. I'm only suggesting an outcome for this situation-"

"Quite the bad suggestion, I'll say that much." I interrupt, already losing my patience. If she wants to play games, she can find someone else to kidnap. "Just say what you want, name your price."

She looks irked.

With an exasperated sigh, the woman rudely puts her gloved hand on my shoulder.

"Listen, I can tell you're nervous, even when you try and act tough like this," Her grip tightens around my flesh, I feel her nails dig in slightly, but don't react. "You're not going to like what happens next if you keep trying to act all smart with me. You have no idea what you're messing with."

"I could have, if you would just get to the point-"

"Oh I'll get to the point, just be patient… How about we introduce ourselves first? My name is Augusta. What about you?"

Names have power, I remember my father telling me when I was younger. Never give your real name to someone you've just met. Both sheep and bears have teeth, and only one of them bites, but you shouldn't find out. And so, I don't.

"...Ysmel. Is this relevant to what you need me for?"

Augusta's eyebrows rise in suspicion, coming back down only to form a frown. "You're one very wanted man, are you not, titan boy? People from all over the kingdom lust for your head to roll."

That's a way to word it for sure, I thought.

"You need me for a bounty?"

"No, But rather for what you've done to warrant said bounty. You're an efficient killer… many skilled soldiers have fallen for you." Oh, I know where this is going now. She mockingly moves some of my hair out of my face, and I consider biting her hand. "You're special, is all. And I need to know how that came to be."

I remain quiet, listening to something outside the door. There's people waiting for this conversation to be over, clearly. Not within earshot, but close enough to help should anything go wrong… how pleasant. They really care about their little commander. I begin thinking of a plan as I look back at her face.

"...Carry on."

"It's a simple deal, really. You're clearly inhuman, strong as a beast, with darkened eyes and veins…" Augusta clears her throat "...With all due respect, you just don't sound much like you're corporea. So, you will donate your body to the army, and we will raise your brother as one of us, so your family's name will live on to some degree. How does that sound?"

I make a thinking face, backing up a little and staring at nowhere.

"Well, ms. Augusta… if I may say my honest opinion…"

"Yes?"

I can barely contain a snicker, but finally, I come close once more, and raise my voice:

"Your plan is utter boar shit! It's so bad! Awful even! Just a downright terrible plan! First of all, what makes you think my brother would even LISTEN?" I laugh at her face, as loudly as I can, spitting a little as I talk (on purpose). "HA! He doesn't even listen to me sometimes! You're genuinely fucking insane if you think that's gonna work, and considering you kidnapped two kids to make it work, I think you really are insane! Fuck you, fuck your stupid army, eat copper and die."

She seems shocked for a moment.

Then, she starts laughing, almost crazed.

"So you've decided you're gonna be a little trouble hmmm..? Well… I can work with trouble!"

In-between laughter, she grips my shoulder even harder as her hand lifts up quickly, but I dodge out of the way before her fist has a chance to meet my face. Still in motion, I latch onto her arm and bite down as my jaw is physically capable of. A loud scream echoes through the jail cell and out to the rest of the dungeon as she repeatedly hits me to get me off, trying to move away far enough from me, but I don't budge. I feel my teeth meeting each other in her flesh, and I grin.

"SON OF A FUCKING-!" She yelps in pain, kicking me to the side, along with a piece of her arm. Blood splatters, dripping down from her once-pristine uniform and exposed wound. I spit out bits of ripped cloth and flesh, my teeth stained red as I smile at her.

"How's that for a little trouble, hm whore?"

She wastes no time stomping over, kicking me in the chest and stepping on my head to keep me down. I squirm under the weight, wheezing slightly.

"You fucking brat. I tried to negotiate, but clearly, it's going to take more than that to crack you down." I hear the door open, and two armed men with similar uniforms walk in. She steps harder on my head as they do. "No matter. Everybody has a weakness, little viti, and I will personally find out what yours is." She lets me go eventually, kicking my chest one last time before she leaves the room, talking to the other two men in some other language. I couldn't tell, it was getting really hard to breathe all of a sudden.

Before I could pass out, I saw the two men loom over me, blunt weapons in hand, muttering something about fun. Fun. I thought about that before closing my eyes and trying to distance myself from my body.

I immediately felt it. Being lifted up and shoved on the wall, having my shirt ripped off, and then thrown around like a sack, several beatings with barely sharp enough tools to rip into me. Words wouldn't do justice for the amount of pain I was in, and frankly I wouldn't want to describe it anyway.

I couldn't tell how long it was until they stopped, grabbed me by the hair and said it was enough before throwing me roughly against a wall. The jingling of keys faded once they closed me off again, and I had some time to breathe.

My chest hurt a lot from being kicked five times, pretty sure I broke something, there were surface level cuts all over my body, and lots of fresh bruises all over. I coughed and wheezed for a while, shivering on the floor with delirium unable to tend myself due to the chain still binding me down. I was extremely tense, and tired, and in a lot of pain, but there was nothing to be done.

But I am not afraid. I hold no fear. I know Marsi is safe, and that's all that matters.

Fear is for the weak.

I start to close my eyes, feeling void leak out from my chest and down my body, cold and unfeeling. It felt like water and mud, trickling down my body and accumulating on my wounds. It felt terrible. I have yet to get used to that. But in that moment, I could barely keep my eyelids from closing, and darkness took over my vision…

.

.

.

.

I woke up hours later, with a bucket of water to the face. I couldn't tell what time it was, but that didn't matter. Augusta was standing in front of me again, with the same smug expression from before. Hasn't learned her lesson at all, and neither have I.

"Good evening, Ysmel. Pleasant day we're having. I trust you slept well?" She says condescendingly, crouching down to see me.

"Good day Augusta. I slept nicely. I was having a lovely dream where I ate your heart and used your skull as a bowl." I reply, equally as mockingly. I get up slowly and watch her movements, just in case she tries to kick again. This time I'll aim for the legs, since the cow clearly can use them.

She seems to have caught wind as well, as now she was wearing sturdier looking clothes and protection, with a barely visible bandaging underneath one of the pauldrons, and boots that now went up to just barely below her knees.

"Equally displeased to see you, Ysmel. But I won't be here very long, I just want to try and give you another chance is all…" She says, circling me like a vulture that just found its next carcass. "There's still time to change your mind."

"You sound awfully sure."

"Why, of course. I trust you're not stupid enough to try and pull a… stunt like you did yesterday again. Because, well, you did see what happens with stunts like that," She looks down very seriously, grabbing me by the horn suddenly and forcing me to look at her face, her eyes intense. "You understand that I will kill you now, yes?"

I don't respond, remaining unmoving despite her best attempts at intimidation. I know that they won't kill me yet. She has eyes, she can see I'm practically completely cured from what her goons did, and she knows whatever they have wouldn't be enough to keep me down on the ground.

But sure. For the sake of not wanting it to happen again, I'll bow my head this time.

"Of course, Augusta." I lied, looking to the ground. She promptly lets go of my horn, and leaves the cell without another word..

She leaves, and leaves the door open.

I don't dare move near it. That's a trap. I wouldn't get very far anyway. Just barely out the door.

She knows that.

I wait for a few minutes, and she comes back with a plate in hands and a smile on her face. She puts the plate down, and sits in front of me.

"Thank you for your collaboration," Augusta says "I'm sure you won't regret that, dearie."

"...What have you got there?" I ask looking over at the plate. It looked as though it was cooked only with the chef's arse, but I couldn't complain. If they were willing to feed me in these circumstances, I guess it's a sign.

"Oh, this little thing? I talked to your brother while you were asleep, is all," Did she-? "He mentioned that you hadn't eaten in a while, so I figured I might as well give you a little treat."

The way she speaks makes me sick.

But the mention of food made my stomach growl. I have been prioritising Marsi eating over me, and I haven't really been hungry at all so I thought it wouldn't be a problem. I guess it was a problem after all.

"... There's a catch, isn't there?"

"Still smart as ever. Glad to know that although we beat the lights out of you, your little head still works great." She grins, grabbing the plate and holding a spoonful of the… mixture in front of me. "Now, open wide."

"Oh, I'd rather fucking starve." I back away into a corner, wrinkling my nose bridge and turning my face away.

"Well, there's no way I'm letting these chains come off anytime soon. So I suppose I could throw this away, let you starve and rot in here, waste everything… or… I could eat it myself." She shoves down the spoonful of food in her mouth "And I will. And I'll enjoy every second of it."

She kept eating for minutes. Minutes turned into an hour. That hour turned into some more. After she left, and the men came in again, I thought about the offer while in that dissociative state… Why WOULD they need my body? Why bother with Marsi, when he's clearly just a child? What is even the final goal?

I went to sleep that night thinking about it. The noise in my head seemed to muffle out the pain I was feeling.

The same happened again, and again, and again, and again. And while I ignored how my stomach rumbled and growled for even just the smell of that thing, I laughed internally at how she was obviously taking small bites out of the meal to save it for me, if I ever seemed interested in eating it. How sweet.

At some point, I gave in. The hunger became noticeable, and at that point, if I didn't eat, there was more of a chance for the other two to hurt me more. I was too annoyed at her smug stupid face eating the food to notice that now I was sitting much closer. That's a draw on our little feud for now.

"Do you need something?" She 'innocently' asks, putting another spoonful of food in her mouth. Her lips seemed… dry, for some reason.

"Could I eat, please?"

She grins evilly, and grabs a full spoon's worth of food and then holds it out in front of me, waiting for my reaction. I slowly approach, smelling the food inconspicuously… doesn't seem to smell like poison… or anything for that matter. I risk it and take the first bite, chewing slowly and refusing to break eye contact with her for a second.

…And it's just normal food. Really salty for no reason, but it was actual, edible food. A stew of some kind, maybe, definitely not the worst thing that's been in my mouth, but it wasn't great, either.

I huffed, leaning in to take another bite, and she seemed pleased with our "progress". The more I ate, the more I wanted, and the thirstier I seemed to get. Not the most filling meal, but enough to have me satisfied. But it was just so damn salty.

"Did you like it, Viti? It was made just for you" She mumbles, babbling as though I was some kind of dog.

"It was fine."

"How delightful. Do you need a drink?"

"That would be…hunhh… my… my head- Gods-"

"Oh dear, was it too salty for you?" She smirked, getting up with the plate in her hands. I KNEW there was something wrong! "I should've mentioned… what you just ate? That's what we usually serve to the dogs. Just a simple mixture of watered down meat and salt… maybe the chef added too much salt for you, though."

If nausea wasn't already enough to make me embarrassed, the sheer shame I felt from hearing I had just been fed dog food like an animal pushed the final lever to make me throw up. It was all dark, with bits and pieces of the "meal" being more apparent than others. The part I was most worried about was that there was clearly some level of void essence leaking through… which meant something inside wasn't right.

But I wasn't the only one contemplating this puddle of vomit, apparently. Augusta seemed fascinated, muttering something again about a "darkness". So she knows to some degree…

"Poor dog… you must be so tired," She ran a hand through my hair, and I was unable to do anything to stop her aside from groaning and attempting to get away. "Do you not want relief? Out of this awful world you've been put in? There's a way out here… I'm offering it to you. All you've got to do is take it."

It took me a moment to react… then I headbutt her directly on the mouth, as fast as I could manage, while almost slipping on my own puke. With her down, I manage to get behind her, sliding the chain on her neck in an attempt to choke her out. It was working, until nearby guards came in and immobilised me with magic.

She fell on her knees, hands first on the puddle again.

And that's 2 x 1, you cow.

"You must think you're so funny, pulling acts like these… you should be grateful I even tried to feed you at all." Augusta hisses, cleaning her hands off on someone else's uniform. "You're NOTHING in this situation. I don't care what you are, I don't care what I have to do, I am going to keep you down here for as long as I need to until you drop dead. Like it or not."

"You better try harder then." I spit out angrily. "You're doing a shit job so far."

She stays silent, ready to do something again… until she stops herself. She looks back at me, then glances off into the distance, then back at me again… and she grins. Her smile goes from ear to ear in a sinister fashion, and she steps away from the cell.

"Well then… if my methods are so terrible according to you, why don't we see what your little brother Mosri has to say about it? I'm sure his opinion is very different."

My blood runs completely cold. Oh gods. Oh no, nononononono- My sight goes into tunnel vision mode, and I kick and scream for justice, for someone to intervene, for ANYTHING to happen at all… but nothing does. I am simply thrown back into a corner, they lock the door to my cell, and there is silence.

Very, very loud silence.

I pace around the cage like an uneasy animal, struck with the panic of seeing a predator walk closer and closer to its home. At this moment, there was only fight or flight to be done, and somehow I could do neither. I was not prepared. I am afraid. I am weak.

I try to force myself to calm down, easing my breath little by little, until I hear a loud scream coming from the other side of the area. A scream that I could easily recognize as my brother's pain.

"NO! NO, STOP! PLEASE! PLEASE, I BEG YOU, PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM! HE'S JUST A KID! HE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING! PLEASE-" I yell and beg, rattling the bars to my cell and throwing my body against the wall, in a futile attempt to escape the situation in any way. I try again and again, bashing my head against the door until I hear a crack coming from my horn. The screams continue, and I lose hope completely.

My ears ring with the sound of my blood suffering. My brother, my blood, my everything, pleading in pain to gods that won't listen. And me, stuck in a cage, like a helpless animal with no teeth or claws that can be bared. Naked and useless.

I am afraid, weak, and useless. But I can't be. I can't be.

After a brief break, I keep on screaming, even if just to comfort myself that at least I DID something.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE! IT'S ME THAT YOU WANT! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU WANT ME TO DO, JUST LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE, RIGHT NOW."

And I kept going. And going. And going. For hours, days, even. I don't know how long I continued. But no one came. Not to check on me, not for me to "learn" discipline, nothing. At some times, I couldn't hear him scream anymore, so I would assume they stopped, and were coming back for me. But they never did. And the screams would begin again.

"WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT FROM ME?! I SAID I'LL DO WHAT YOU WANT! I'LL DO ANYTHING! I CAN OFFER MY BODY AND SOUL JUST- JUST… just please… please stop hurting him… please…he's a kid… he's just a kid…"

But no one would come. It didn't come for days.

My voice ran thin at some point from screaming too much. I was empty. That was it. That's all I could fight. I did my best, and my best was not enough. I was weak.

Laying on the ground, I felt nothing. I couldn't hear, or feel, or see anything. It was all dark, from the beginning to end. Like being stuck to the bottom of the ocean. You kick and scream and cry out for help, for anyone to see where you are, to rescue you from the water encompassing you, but it's already in your lungs. You float down to the bottom, and watch your conscience flicker out with the last bits of light, and everything you know disappears along with the tide.

But somehow, some way, something deep inside me allowed me to move. With the last bit of force in my body, maybe I could at least help save something else.

——————————————————————————————————

Darkness began crawling out of the titan's body, cold and unfeeling, lifting him up like a puppet on strings. It ate through the metals and runes like they were nothing, leaving the once heavy chain a light dust on the ground, with no semblance to its original form. Darkness flowed out of his eyes, down to the floor, covering his everything.

Guards that were walking nearby saw the scene. Something so shocking and unbelievable, none of the men understood the presence just barely 10 feet away from them. Across the stone walls and wooden supports, an unfathomable devil walked through its cell door like it was made of nothing, its remnants falling to the floor pathetically and carrying no weight.

"O-oi… what the fuck is that-?" One dared speak, putting their weapons up defensively. All that did was attract the beast further. It turned to them with massive "eyes", several bright blue rings burning inside of these holes like pure magic… and then, it smiled. A wicked grin, tearing through its own flesh in the process, sharp teeth black as obsidian and coal hid just beneath.

"HEY-! BACK OFF, FREAK, OR W-" The second one could barely let out, but the thing was already too close. With just a single leap towards their direction, the entity opened its massive maw and, with a single bite, ate his whole head in one clean cut. The other two weren't nearly as lucky- having been both sliced across the chest by the creature's claws, revealing their fragile mortal insides and soul.

"w-what…what are you…" Said the dying man to the approaching shade.

It came closer, and closer, and thus it spoke, no higher than a whisper:

"I am revenge. I am justice. I am the unavoidable truth you have been trying to hide from," It plucked out his heart with a single claw, taking it out of his chest still beating just as easily. "I am the harbinger of nothingness. Cower before me, and accept your fate."

And his soul was eaten.

As the creature walked through the castle's walls, any and all that stood in its way would fall. The building's very structure started to give in its own weight, beginning with the wooden supports that started to rot from inside out. People were killed with just a single viewing of the presence, and even the warmest rooms in the manor fell completely cold. All were frozen from inside and out, their hearts stopping in just a single skipped beat.

She knew what was coming. She knew it was there. And it knew that too. Augusta picked up the young, sleeping titan and she ran. She ran as far as her mortal legs could carry her, avoiding the falling debris and approaching nightmarish abyss. But then, as life often does, it forced her to look into the eyes of the terror.

Just by walking, it caught up easily, and there it stood. Much taller than before, deformed and hungry. Its ribs poked out like razor blades, its horns large and swirling with pure magic, and the darkness all encompassing. She looked into its eyes, and, for a moment, it felt like she was smiling, but she couldn't tell.

And for a moment, it smiled back at her.

The child was moved out of the way, and the creature brutally tore the human's body apart, limb from limb.

——————————————————————————————————

.

.

.

Lou..!

Lou!

LOCKETT!

I jolted myself awake from the sounds of my brother screaming, and found myself being tightly hugged by Marsi's little frame.

"Lou-! Thank the Spirits, you're okay! Is everything alright? You- you… you were-"

Without thinking twice about it, I hugged him tightly, scooping him up in my arms. It was all okay.

Nothing bad happened.

"Lou..?"

"Shhh, shhh, it's alright. Everything is okay now, okay?" I coughed, hugging him a little tighter. "We're both safe, it's all okay…"

"But the.. the castle… Lady Augusta… you-"

"I know, I know. Must've been unpleasant to see, I understand. It's a lot to process, but we can have a better look at this later, okay?"

"...I was really scared, Lou…"

I paused, ruffling his hair as gently as possible.

"I know. I was really scared too. I was scared they hurt you, and I acted out based on that. They didn't, at least, and that's all that matters, okay?"

"Okay… are you hurt?"

"I don't feel anything right now. Are you?"

He shakes his head and rests on the crevice of my neck, and I very carefully put his hood over his hair. I began to walk out of the frozen rubble, noticing the snow beginning to fall from the clouds above. It wasn't the beginning of a storm, but the gentle aftermath of a catastrophe. I knew I had to get us both to safety, but I found comfort in the fact that at least, snow would fall regardless.

———————————————————————————————

Dictionary:

Tomarath: A large arctic bear-like creature with a longer body and fur, and protruding fangs and claws.

Viti: A slur referring to titans. In the context of the story, this is a pretty big offence, basically meaning "[small] insignificant life".

"Eat copper and die": An expression that was used a lot in Lockett's village. It references a punishment used by the Titans, in which a person deemed a criminal must eat shavings of oxidised copper. If you live, it means you're strong enough to deserve redemption, but if you die, you're basically a weak, scumbag coward.

[brionnnne]

Liar's Den WIP [Working Title, Unfinished]

Almost a solid year (Mar 23rd, 2022) since I started writing and editing this thing, and I planned / plan (?) to do more with it, but I'm honestly not quite sure where to go, and in a way, I honestly think it works alright as a standalone, so I'm just going to throw it out there to show that I do, in fact, write. I had fun writing it, at least, and I hope to make something more of it someday, but...?

Wariness is her natural state. Calculating. Observant. Perceptive. Even then, it isn’t very hard to notice that, out of all the seven deadly sins, she had only ever seen six. No mention of Sloth, of Belphegor, was made—seemingly a taboo topic among the brothers. No wonder why, Morgana thinks now. 

“Why are you trying to trick me? I have eyes, you know.” Her expression turns into a bemused smile. “A brain? I may be a mere human,” she makes mystical motions with her fingers, eyes wide and dramatic, before she drops the act with a scoff, “but I know exactly who you are.” Her eyes flicker towards his fingers, blue-tipped nails, which tighten on the door. Another giveaway, Ana observes. She knows by now that Asmo paints all of their nails, but his are chipping; faded. How long has he been here? As long as I have? Longer? She doesn’t ask him. “I’ve seen your portrait, you know? Even if I hadn’t, your fingernails are painted. That might be fine by itself, but your eyes?” She tilts her head, “Strange color for a human. What is that? Purple, right?” Related to Beel? Internally, she rolls her eyes. Obviously.

His hands slacken. He shrugs, trying to appear lax— a nice imitation, or it would be, except the tightness has moved up. The stiffness of his shoulders makes the action slightly less loose than it should be. Interesting, her eyes narrow. He doesn’t like being called out on this. Why, though?

“You caught me,” he raises his hands in a gesture reminiscent of Asmo. It’s sort of … cute, on him. Intentional? Questions she can’t answer yet run rampant. There’s not enough information to infer much of anything, as frustrating as that is—very. As for his lies, she thinks there could be a logical reason behind them, and while his state of captivity makes him look like a victim in some form, his deception speaks against that. Regardless of logic, the hasty fabrication, the stiffness of his fingers and shoulders, makes her have doubts. He’s certainly capricious—just listen to how even toned he sounds now, compared to his earlier panic—but to what extent? Perhaps further sarcasm would be … unwise.

Morgana looks back up, “So what is it that you want, then, if you were desperate enough to lie for it?” She frowns, gesturing to the door that holds him. “Freedom, I assume?”

For the first time, she sees something like a spark in him. Energy that wasn’t there before. 

“I thought I might get your help,” he says, “if I pretended to be human.” She can’t tell whether this is duplicitous or not. Even a close inspection shows no obvious signs. Perhaps he’s just that good of a liar. Perhaps he isn’t lying at all. It could be both. Insertions of truth, twisted to fit one's liking, have always made lying easier. Harder to detect by a casual, or even careful, viewer. She’s only seen a single tell, and even then, being stiff doesn’t always indicate a lie — it can be normal tensity; discomfort. Plenty of things that make her slow to place any defining bets. He’s shown her basically nothing. 

She had never really given further thought to the implications of Sloth on behavior. Acedia, she remembers, is apathetic. Listless. Lack of care. Her eyes track to his hair — messy; bedhead — to his clothes. They’re barely resting on his frame, and not in the sense of weight, but rather, the jacket he wears is nearly falling off. His shirt — plain, white — is a bit more kempt, but only just. It lifts at his midriff, revealing an un-tied pair of sweatpants that dip low on his hips. He wears no shoes at all, but when she peers in, she can see a pair of long boots sitting in the corner. Effortless. Slip-on. Morgana’s eyes find her own slippers, and she shrugs. Understandable, she thinks. Nice, too. The room itself reflects his state of dress. Untidy. Lacking organization. Her gaze falls onto Belphegor again. He seems, as expected, unbothered. It isn’t like she can criticize that; in fact, it appears they share these traits in common. That being said … 

This … probably shouldn’t bother me as much as it does. Her brow furrows. Regardless, the feeling doesn’t leave. It isn’t very often that she can’t get a good read on someone. Being out of her element like that makes her feel uncomfortable. Most people—even the other demon brothers—are easy enough to read at the best of times. Belphegor …isn’t. 

(Asmo tells her that she isn’t, either. Is that what dealing with me feels like to him? Eugh.)

“I can’t break the seal on this …door,” he admits, scowling. Surprisingly expressive, his hands flutter before it. That, at least, is truthful. There’s no hesitation in his words, no tightness of his frame. His emotions are visible, but not overdone.

“Frankly,” she says, unable to tamp down her bitterness, “I don’t know what you expect me to do about that. I have no magic.” This may not endear him to her, but it’s true. She’s been painfully aware of her status since being deposited here. Even with potential, the understanding of theory, all that becomes useless when she can’t even apply it.

“That may be true, but you have pacts.”

Morgana raises her eyebrows. “And you know about this …how?” 

“Don’t get so worked up,” he huffs, rolling his eyes. “Lucifer told me.”

She snorts. He is cute. Sort of. Shakes her head. “Humor me, then. If I were to free you,” Ana posits, “what is it that I would have to do?”

“If you made a pact with all of my brothers, that would be enough to break the seal.”

She hums. “What do I get out of this deal— I mean, why should I?” It sounds cruel. He could be innocent, she reminds herself. But it’s a genuine enough question, really. Why risk herself? Mammon’s pact was pure luck, and Levi's was borne of some uncanny trickery. Fooled into believing she had won when she hadn’t. He’d been too worked up to realize, and she was, of course, in no hurry to correct him. She was weak here; having something concrete would be protection. “I don’t even know you.”

“Are you—?” His eyes flash. She has to cradle her face to hide the smile this brings. Thumb and forefinger resting on her cheeks. Her hand; a curtain. Neither his apparent anger nor her amusement lasts for very long. “You’re a human,” he says, incredulous. “Don’t you want power—or something?”

Morgana sniffs, fingers coming down to rub at her eternally stuffy nose, “I don’t particularly care.”

He blinks. “Are you not driven by … generosity?” His words are metered, strained, and pushed through clenched teeth; she suspects the word he wishes to have said was not half as nice as the one he had chosen. He’s being careful. It’s notable that he does seem genuinely curious, however. It’s just a guess, really, but this probably wasn’t how he had expected their meeting to go. And it must be weird to meet a human not simply drawn in by that promise of power, especially a power received so idly. A thing that Belphegor is known for accomplishing at a price; a particularly devious demon—manipulative, her textbooks had warned. She’s not sure she wants to deal with the cost of that, really; power and influence are overrated things, anyway—she wouldn’t deny a level of self-motivation in seeking out pacts like Pokemon cards, but. Power is the least of her concerns. Control is a trivial matter. She simply wants to live unburdened, and to do that, she needs to actually be alive. It’s a simple desire; all things considered. Base. Yet she’s curious—for answers no one else would give, she knows. Who would be so forthcoming? Lucifer? Certainly not. There’s clearly something going on here—this attic room, these spiral stairs, up which Lucifer had told her nothing was or would be—and damn it if she doesn’t want to know why this would be worth lying about; if everyone else was lying to her, too. Did Beel know? It didn’t seem that way, certainly, but she doesn’t really know him, either…

“I can be generous,” she reveals after a moment, “but I’m not going to go out of my way if I don’t need to. Plus,” Ana turns her gaze on him. “You’ve given me no reason to trust you.”

. . .

Trust. She falls onto her bed, sighing. How fucking complicated. It’s true that his lies had made her wary, but a part of her — an annoying, shoved-aside part of her — wants to help him. That feeling is as annoying as it always is. She’d been working on this part of herself, slowly but surely. It’s uncountable how many times now that her generosity has hurt her rather than helping, but attempting to be so selfish hurts all those good parts inside her, too. Tears them up and crushes them underfoot.

Tonight, it bothers her so much that it even stalls her sleep. Lying. Rolling. Restless. Why do you want to help him anyway? She doesn’t know, and more than not knowing him, her ignorance of herself is infuriating. She should know this. She should understand herself like the back of her hand. She thinks restlessly. She thinks endlessly. She thinks and comes up blank every time. He’s a stranger, Ana tells herself. He might even deserve it.

“Deserve being locked away?” She murmurs, an uneasy frown twisting her face. “With nothing?” Closes her eyes. It was glaringly obvious how little he actually had, after all. No D.D.D., which she’d already noticed early on. Absence from chats. Communication. Healthy things that were necessary. Isolation. Loneliness. One of Lucifer’s ham-fisted ‘punishments’? It doesn't feel right.

Even without trust, even if he did deserve some form of punishment, could she say that it would be this? Could she condemn him? Because that’s what it would be. Damning. Not helping Belphegor would only mean that he would be stuck there—living in those conditions, alone, for as long as Lucifer saw fit to hold him. Her wariness didn't mean she had to be okay with that by default—didn’t allow her to simply turn a blind eye. It’s true, she knows this, but that doesn’t mean she likes facing it.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi Ralph, I had 2 questions from one of the previous asks:

1. What are your thoughts on how Louis relates to masculinity?

2. What are some things (if any) that make Louis less easily read as gay recently?

Thank you for your thoughtful responses!

Anon 2: Hi Ralph, I’m one of your previous asks you were starting to talk about whether Louis presents as gay and making a distinction between how he presented in the past vs now. Would love to hear more about that if you would like to talk about it!

Thanks!

**********

Thanks anons - I've addressed bits of this - and I'll try and address the question of change.

Although I have to start with lots of caveats. I'm not sure that how Louis is read has changed that much. I suspect if he was to judge X-factor now he would understood in much the same way that he was before. Without that kind of role that means he's seen by a wider audience for an extended period of time - it's very difficult to gage how Louis is read.

Instead what has happened is that I've got anons suggesting that the way Louis' has read has changed (without any real evidence) and I've said that might be true and it wouldn't surprise me. So I want what I say to be understood as

I think there are three things that have happened that might have slightly changed the way Louis is understood:

He's gotten older. I think as he gets older the fact that it's hard to imagine him being attracted to women will become less important in how he's understood. Older men are understood differently from younger men - when an older man hangs back and expresses no interest that can be seen as an expression of power. I don't know how that will play out with Louis, but I think it's worth considering.

He's withdrawn his body from public view, primarily through the way that he dresses. Obviously this has been going on for a while, and becomes harder in more formal settings, but being less visible gives him more space.

He's performing fatherhood. Now I don't think this matters for casual viewers (for whom a story that he's a father would be enough information), but it might make a different for new or casual fans. Particularly in combination with growing older - people get used to short cuts and don't necessarily need to be able to imagine things to believe that they happened.

Like I say, I don't know if any of this is happening, but it might be. If it is it might give Louis more options. The reason all this matters is that the fact that he's so easily read as gay has really limited his options unless he's prepared to be outted.

This is all very speculative - and I think the best option is to wait and see. It's interesting to try and observe how people are responding to him and if that's changing, although it can be difficult to get access to that.

[buttercuparry]

I think people are truly misunderstanding op's "tumblr is dying thing". And then being petty because they feel that they are being personally attacked. This cannot be denied that the fandoms are getting less and less engagement. The only time a particular fandom is at its peak, is when it is the newest flavour of the season. And it is only particular blogs (bnfs) who seem to draw the host of notes. Or if a blog clicks for a particular fandom then those as well. But tbh I don't think fandom creators are talking about or even OP is talking about a creator not getting 25k+ notes. It's about creators now barely getting 100+ notes ( especially new artists who aren't well known in a fandom) and most of those being likes. Like no of course not- you don't absolutely have to reblog but damn it seems like gif makers ( even long time ones), meta writers ( even those who make general observations relating to the book or show in total), artists are getting less and less engagement. If a gifmaker says that they don't feel any motivation to create when their 15 hours of work barely got to 23 notes, then that's a problem ( and you clearly see that it is a good gifset, great even!).

I think there's something to say about shows dropping one after the other and therefore nothing sticking to our minds (?)...like idk if this is a thing. I mean okay so when a show drops, it has its casual viewers right? Like if I watch 5 shows back to back it can happen that I just casually watched all 5. Or one or more out of the five might stick to my interests which then would have me examine all it has to offer more closely. But I feel like there's less time for us to sit with something now. Like Last of Us didn't even end before the Mandalorian came in with their new episodes. Within a few days Succession dropped and now Yellowjackets is here too. Maybe this was always how media worked. Surely a show network won't wait for another show network's series to end before dropping in theirs lol. But I feel like it is more clustered now and we don't really get to sit with something unless we want to ( again completely my own conjecture with literally no proof to back it up). I think sitting with something is more likely to help along the casual viewer to be a more contributing member of the fandom.

The other thing people in the replies are being like really petty because of op guilt tripping them. Like yeah maybe this shouldn't have been done but this poll did bring me a couple of takes where people refuse to believe tumblr is dying because this poll has decent amount of notes. They are sarcastically going "yeah sure just because I do not reblog things from the fandom I am in, I am killing tumblr lol", not realizing that they aren't the only ones with this attitude. That there are thousands of others. But while one reblog won't change anything it may bring the post among other bloggers from amongst whom another one would reblog the post taking it to the dashboard of another host of bloggers- thus creating a chain. And if there are some common mutuals in a fandom, and if a post circulates enough on a dashboard we might even deem to give it another look which we might have dismissed previously. That's the importance of reblogs. If y'all are being personally offended by the poll and not even trying to look into the point of the poll...that truly helps no one. Someone even boasted that they cackle evilly when they go past posts without reblogging anything and periodically lose followers because of how unactive their page is. Why are you here then? Like this isn't the place for you. If you think that you are doing something with this, that you are helping cut down your followers' obsessive need to refresh social media...then honestly it can go either way. Maybe you are helping or your followers are just getting their fix elsewhere. What you are definitely doing is being another twig in the rapidly stagnating website.

[tinseltine]

#4 – TÁR | Focus Features|Writer/Director Todd Field | Music by Hildur Guðnadóttir - There were technical difficulties at the first press screening of TÁR where we could hear it, but the screen was black.  They tried to fix it for 30-40 minutes and eventually we were dismissed, with our PR agent saying they would send details for a new date. But I didn’t think I wanted a new date, I knew the movie had a long 158 minute run time and in just listening without images, it seemed too dense, too insider, too intellectual.  However, I did attend the re-screening and now these things are some of what I love most about this film.  It’s feels so authentic, as if you are a fly on the wall of this classical-music world, it’s beauty, dedication, artistry, politics, precision.  One of my favorite critics for Variety, expresses it best:

“In “Tár,” Todd Field enmeshes us in a tautly unfolding narrative of quiet duplicity, corporate intrigue, and — ultimately — erotic obsession. Yet he does it so organically that for a while you don’t even realize you’re watching a “story.” But that’s what a great story is, right? It doesn’t hit you over the head with telegraphed arcs. It sneaks up on you, the way that life does. Field, working with the cinematographer Florian Hoffmeister, has shot “Tár” so that it looks like a documentary directed by Stanley Kubrick (who Field worked with on “Eyes Wide Shut,” back when he was an actor). The compositions are naturalistic in an imposing, ice-cool way, and what they express is the casual calculation with which Lydia monitors every facet of her existence” �� Owen Gleiberman

Everyone has made a big deal out of the fact that it’s been 16 years since Field has directed his last film “Little Children”(2006) starring Kate Winslet and Patrick Wilson. I know I saw it, and remember it getting awards season buzz, but little else.  I remember more his debut feature “In The Bedroom” (2001) with Marisa Tomei, but I need to revisit it again too. “Tár”, however, will be his tour de force. Due in great part to his lead, Cate Blanchett, for whom he wrote the character of Lydia Tár.  

This is a character study, one of my favorite genres, delivering a fully multi-dimensional woman/man/artist who is as arrogantly toxic as she is intriguing, vulnerable, and understandable. One of the first scenes of the film is Lydia being interviewed at a large forum by Adam Gopnik of The New Yorker (playing himself) it’s the ideal setup for a character piece because the viewer is made to understand this woman’s accomplishments and the fact that she is at the epicenter of her career, there’s really no where for her to go, but down. Which ultimately is the crux of the film, a huge fall from grace – but for me, not one I was seeking for the character. Similarly with Blanchett’s other excellent role, that of a boozy socialite in Blue Jasmine, I found myself in this woman’s corner, despite her unflinching power games and predatory sexual desires – which are handled with ingenious suggestion. For instance, there’s a scene where a young woman is fangirling all over Lydia Tár – during the conversation Lydia admires her bag, which looked like a Birken.

Later when we see Lydia back in Berlin and discover she has a wife, Sharon (Nina Hoss) and daughter; Sharon makes an off-hand observation, “Oh, you got a new bag”. Lydia doesn’t miss a beat in downplaying the acquisition, offering it to Sharon if she wants it. This is how we’re clued into the fact that she must not only have seduced the fan sexually, but beguiled her into giving up her Birken too. Truly, subtleties are a key factor Field employs throughout, which also feeds the haunting moments of the film. A couple weeks later we were sent a screener link, so I watched it again, picking up on more nuances, which I think will be the case with each viewing.

[paladinsbrainrot]

Why El Hopper Deserves Better, and Why Mlvn is Harmful to the General Audience

I know. I know. I said I wasn’t going to analyze ST anymore, but this technically isn’t an analysis and just basic observations. Not only have I picked up on this, but so have my parents who are just casual viewers and aren't stuck any bias or bubble. Obviously, El deserves so much better, but I don't think we understand how much. Not saying she deserves better than Mike, but she deserves to hear what she wants to hear.

If we deep dive into her character, she’s been treated like a machine her entire life. Hell, even Mike calls her one in season one. She feels so at place with her powers, like she’s something so incredible, but when she loses them she’s just.. nothing. She feels like she has nothing in the world that she can save people from. She’s just a normal girl and she isn’t able to protect the people she loves anymore, and she thinks she isn’t worthy of love without her powers. She loses the special flare that she's always had inside of her. And now, she doesn't know where she belongs anymore.

When she hurts someone that isn’t for someone else’s mutual benefit, they suddenly are frightened by what she can do without her powers. And she feels like the only way that she can defend herself is when she’s a superhuman. Then, people will look up to her, and they won't be afraid of her. They’ll idolize her. And THATS what she thinks is love: idolization. She thinks that in order to be loved, she must have her powers. But the thing that rubs me the wrong way is that Mike idolizes her. In his monologue, he praises all her powers which is exactly what she doesn’t want to hear. She wants someone to tell her they love her without her powers; that she can be a strong and independent young woman just as well without her powers as she is with them. What Mike could have easily done, was tell El about the qualities he loved about her which weren't related to her superpowers ie. "You're the most amazing person I've ever met. You're so kind, and compassionate, and you love so many people even though they might be mean to you. I admire you for that. You are strong, and courageous, and you're so thoughtful and caring. That's why I love you. Not for your powers, not for what you can do, I love you, for you."

But the fact that Mike told her he loved her when she finally had her powers, after she had begged and pleaded for him to tell her he loved her without it, is so, absolutely disgusting. He’s listing all these things that she can do with her powers, idolizing her, and now she has PROOF that the only way she can be loved is if she has these powers- these superhuman abilities which people use to their benefits. That’s why the confession rubs me the wrong way. Why hadn’t he told her he loved her when she was crying in front of him? Why wait until she was a superhero, and when everyone else was in danger?

El loves Mike. She really does. But she loves him for being who he is, and as proven through the monologue, Mike (romantically) loves her for her powers. If she loses them again, I’m going to feel so bad for her. She’s going to think she isn’t worthy of anyone's love.

But here’s where things get super disgusting:

Stranger Things has a fan base of young children. I started watching the show while I was fairly young. You have young people watching shows like these, and when they see things such as the Mlvn confession, they’ll start to think that in order for people to love them too, they’ll need to have something that sets them apart from the rest. That in order for someone to love them they’ll have to be some superhuman who can “move mountains”. It’s disappointing when you think about it. Not only does El think she’s unworthy of people’s love without her powers, but soon young children will get this impression too. That they’ll have to “be like Eleven”. Mike should have said I love you while he had the chance, back when El was practically begging on her knees for him to say it, because it shows young viewers that you don’t have to be special to receive love. You don't have to be crazy different, and people will still love you, just for you are. Mike’s monologue contradicts himself, and if he doesn’t apologize to her next season, or don't have an honest conversation about why Mike loves her without her powers while everything is settled and she doesn't use them as much anymore, I'm going to be so mad.

The writers have taken away what I loved about their relationship: two strangers who meet each other by luck, then flourish a relationship out of trust and mutual connections. Now, they lie to each other. For the ENTIRE season. Mike better tell El he loves her, for real. Without her powers, without danger, without El begging and crying. Even better, Hopper should tell her. Joyce should tell her. Will should tell her. Soon she’s going to revolve her affection around Mike’s love and that will do nothing but harm to her. I won’t be surprised if she calls it quits.

This isn’t about Byler anymore. El just deserves a fucking break.

[blognarrymybabes]

Why Byler is NOT Unrequited?

(Really just a thought that came to my mind when I saw this particular scene)

Last Scene of SEASON 3 

First of all, the sequence of scenes shot in the final goodbye scene when Byers move.

It starts with Lucas and Max singing teasingly to Dustin. Then it shifts to Will coming in with D&D set putting it in the donation box.

COMMON Observation among Byler Fandom

The song and lyrics added to the particular scene when Will enters the shot. This again, along with MANY and I mean MANY hints from the very beginning of the show points at Will’s well kept secret regarding his sexuality. That we all pretty much know ;) 

MY THEORY , more like MY OBSERVATION ( And I am in no means film expert, I am Film enthusiast )

Now IF Byler is Unrequited, that is if it is one-sided then the scene doesn’t really make sense.

Why you ask ? 

Well, if only Will has feelings for Mike and Mike doesn’t,  then the scene could have been shot through only Will’s perspective. That is, the Camera should follow Will walking into the room. And if my memory serves right ( it’s been a while since I have watched the show). We do see Camera following Will. [ absolutely correct me if I am wrong, I am not able to find the clip right at the moment to look it up here though this doesn’t really impact my observation ]

BUT  we also see through Mike’s side. We watch along with Mike Will entering the room. Then, the shot ( their entire conversation ) is not single frame.  To make it easier for you to understand, remember the previous scene of Max and Lucas singing, they are siting opposite each other but the Camera is not moving , it covers both of them in one frame. We can see both of them TOGETHER. 

But with Byler, we see each of their reactions to the other person separately. The camera focuses on them individually interacting with each other, Reacting to the other.

AND at the end the shot- it pauses on Mike. Specifically capturing his reaction to Will’s reply “Not Possible”

They want the audience to really take in his reaction. And his smile is not a simple, light smile the one you give to your friend, okay best friend. 

It is a glowing, soft smile with heart eyes. 

 IF The feelings are only from Will’s end then we could have had the camera only focus on him or if they really want to be discreet about him then just like Lumax it could have been a still shot. Both of them together in a frame 

But they made a choice to show us Mike’s POV.

It doesn’t end here, they kept this scene not AFTER the Mileven scene that follows but RIGHT BEFORE. They didn’t even kept this scene right at the end. Because they wanted the audience to have this journey along Mike and they ended the scene with Mileven shot in a very similar way. Again the camera stays on Mike and his reaction to El’s love confession at the end.

I have some opinions on that as well. I won’t get into it as I have seen it everywhere on Tumblr. 

My feelings are mutual.

All I like to add is 

Even as a casual viewer Mike’s reaction is unusual. It’s completely understandable to be in shock or stunt (in his case) to have your crush, more like the LOVE OF YOUR LIFE (Right Mike !?! ) reciprocate your feelings. 

But anyone, any common human being on this PLANET will smile, if not full blown with heart eyes then a plain simple smile or a giddy one at that to show their happiness. 

Mike doesn’t 

Which is unusual,  also because of his character. His character in this series has shown to be very expressive, very on the face and passionate. Unlike Will’s or even Eleven, Mike expresses everything he feels. His anger, his frustrations, his disappointment, his happiness - everything is loud. Even the exaggerated eye roll he gives all the older characters (many times throughout the show). With him  everything is loud.  So it makes sense to have his feelings, his love be more expressive.

Which it isn’t.

And I also say this because the camera LINGERS while zooming out. It LINGERS ON HIM. 

So we have couple seconds with him, and his expression doesn’t change AT ALL.

With the amount of screen time in that moment for him he could have had various consecutive reactions. But the choice made here is to show only ONE EXPRESSION

Entailing what ? Confusion, realization with the shock. 

I don’t know, certainly doesn’t look like someone who is happy to know that the person who he loves reciprocates the feeling.

This with the Byler scene before really wants the audience to see the contrast. Similar to the Mileven Break up/ Byler fight scene. 

Well that is all I had to say about this for now. 

to be honest I am not that confident in Mileven breakup, not after the HYPE it has on the social media. I think Byler is only possible if The Duffer Brothers choose to stay true to their art, their story and their original endgame (which I think was BYLER 100%). But if the network wants them to go with the hype, with the “fans” then they will keep Mileven together [ depicting them as the couple against all odds ] 

I truly hope they don’t

I truly hope for Byler

[literaphobe]

this might be a bit biased but oh well:

your anons already mentioned how putting on a show and talking is an important part to want to watch mcc (or any stream in general tbh imo).

i feel like a lot of streamers do not realize how important it is to be talkative or at least add sth to the content. and from the mcc participants (from what i've seen) it's dsmp (sphere) people who consistently do that, which is part why they got so big and are still ahead of others. a lot of the mcc players are just not as entertaining imo. just playing the game is not enough. (it's the cliche "why would someone watch some rando play games?" i won't if it's not entertaining lol.) without them there the views drop. tho i have to admit that in mcc specifically the team configurations are important if you want them to talk.

this is not mcc related but for ex. i love sapnap and punz, but more often than not i simply can't watch their streams bc it's so boring. if they don't have someone in vc they're just silent except for comments here and there. idk but i won't watch a stream just for game sounds and graphics no offence.

back to mcc: another aspect is that it's late at night for some people and if your fave is not playing, why would you bother staying up?

this is btw an observation from a casual mcc viewer, i'm not into stats and stuff. for me mcc was just a guarantee to see the non-streamers (gnf & drm) finally stream once a month but now even that's gone. if the teams are not interesting i will not bother sacrificing a saturday night to watch whoever signed up play minecraft.

then again it depends on the person what what you're looking for when you watch a stream.

i mean… all ill say is im sure scott would always wanna give dnf a spot if they sign up for mcc but now theres a special mcc for da losers and i know it was most definitely planned in advance and not meant as a slight to anyone but obviously on a personal level all i wanna do is see my faves play im sure loads of the players talk a bunch and play to entertain but if u don’t feel entertained by a cc thats perfectly fine

[littlespoonevan]

(Anon who started her ask with 'I find it so refreshing' here.) First of all i'm sorry, i didn't intend to prompt you to comment on "mean" people in the fandom, ofc we all have different experiences!

But anyway, yess you understand me! There would have to be textual confirmation first that both buck and eddie are lgbt before going into buddie. It's easy for us to see "hints", but casual viewers? I rewatched some of 911 with my mom and like yours, she is a great example lol. When eddie and ana started dating in s4, my mom was convinced eddie had found the love of his life, you can't just have him say "I am in love with buck" without thoroughly and unambiguously hinting at and pointing towards that first.

I imagine it would be a bit difficult to suddenly have two bisexual awakening story lines without having either of them seem "forced". I'm curious what you think would be good ways to have both sexuality story lines and canon buddie happen, in a realistic way? 👀

oh anon, you're fine!! i just don't tend to venture outside my corner of the fandom so i'm not really one for discussing wider conflicts and such 😅

as for your question, in terms of where canon is right now, i agree doing two sexual awakening stories at once probably wouldn't be the road they'd go down but i still think they could pull it off in way that would make sense for the wider audience. for example, i think what could work is if they focus on eddie first just because his storyline is so prevalent at the moment. i'm quite married to the idea of another character pointing it out to him, or at least observing eddie's feelings while he watches buck from the other side of the room. and then seeing a masterful face journey that i know ryan guzman could pull off as he realises just how important buck is to him.

like to throw out a hypothetical - if someone in the season finale (i'd love if it was hen or karen) made some comment about buck being there for eddie and chris or something similar to the ana "readymade family" stuff and then for eddie to not freak out before wondering why he's not freaking out, you know?? and then he looks at buck across the room with chris and there’s the realisation of oh - this is different. (and what a Stunning full circle moment that would be in comparison to 5x01)

and so if we had a season or half a season of eddie grappling with his feelings for buck they could also tie it in with his therapy and explore his sexuality that way??? like re: his parents and his idea of a family and toxic masculinity etc etc

on the flip side, even in canon, i've always sort of been team "buck knows he likes men". like, it would Not be hard to throw in a line about how back when he was travelling or during his 1.0 phase that he'd slept with men before. and y'know, i'm not a bisexual man so it's not my place to say he doesn't need to experience a big journey like eddie but oh i just think it would be so impactful if the thing that catches buck by surprise isn't his sexuality but his feelings.

like i want eddie to tell him he loves him and i want that to rock buck to his very core. because he's loved eddie so steadfastly and with such conviction for so long that i really don't think he realises just how deeply it runs or what it means because he's never taken the time to examine it. so buck suddenly questioning everything he thought he knew about love and what it means to be a partner and how he's been doing that with eddie the whole time without realising?? that would be DELICIOUS.

again, i do think it'd be a good way to bring his sexuality up organically and maybe spoon feed the audience about how Not Straight some of his and eddie's moments have been too. like if he's thinking back over their moments together and talking through them with maddie and then seeing their dynamic in a new light???

to me, that would all be pretty realistic and within the realms of possibility in the show but again it would probably take a season of commitment to it to get the general audience there, y'know?? idk, either way i think if they decide to go there they'll do it justice. this is just the best way i can envision it in my head 🥰

[thebreakfastgenie]

Re your anons: This is purely anecdotal so feel free to dismiss it if you want but my parents (who aren't queer but had a lot of queer friends through their political leanings and activism all through the 70s) when asked, say they and their friends thought Mike Farrell was possibly queer not just because he was involved in queer politics etc but because of his turn as BJ. The moustache I think plays into it more than the clothes for them but in their words "the way he dressed on TV helped". Anyway I agree I dont think it was on purpose (although I don't think anyone was claiming that he was) but there is a difference between queer fans seeing queer coding in a character and any kind of... profiling. Its fine if you don't see it, but it's there for a LOT of people

I would prefer something more direct, just because I think this is interesting, but I know that's almost impossible to find, so I'll take this, lol. My mom watched mash when it aired, but as I've mentioned before, her memory is awful, so I can't ask her about it. Based on how she's reacted to other things, I don't think she would get gay vibes from BJ, but she was also in college when mash ended and didn't really spend a lot of time around openly gay people until grad school.

I agree that there is a difference, and I hope I didn't give the impression that I was equating the two, but I've recently observed a sort of... interest, I guess, in "clocking" both fictional characters and other real queer people as queer, from queer communities online, and I am personally not comfortable with it. I'm not saying it's wrong (although I do think people could stand to be a bit more thoughtful about it, particularly where real people are concerned) but it's something I'm not comfortable with, because it reminds me emotionally of what I experienced homophobes doing. My experiences are not universal, but obviously it's going to affect how I personally approach things. I'm also as a queer fan just not as interested in looking for queer coding as a lot of tumblr fandom is. That's okay, it's one of the many ways I don't quite fit in with fandom culture (I'm really just here because the way I respond to certain media is closer to that than the average casual viewer).

I think if I were watching mash in the 70s when there was less textually queer media available I might have been more interested in looking for queer coding, but it's 2022 so if I want a gay story I just pick one up. My interest in mash is entirely unrelated to queerness anyway; it's a fun bonus and I do choose to interpret Hawkeye as bisexual (which was also not on purpose, though there is some queer subtext early on that I believe is intentional) but I would like mash just as much if it had no queer subtext at all. Although in fandom, if queer subtext doesn't exist it's invented, which is fine but again not to my interests.

If I was hanging out with gay men during the 80s when mustaches were wildly popular I probably would also have said, at least as a joke, that BJ reminded me of them. I think it would kind of like when characters in old media talk about having a gay old time, or say "queer" to mean "strange." Like, I know the cultural context this belongs in is different, but in my context... that can be very fun with period pieces, although I'm personally a bit of a grump who's like "you know they didn't mean that." But I don't believe it's intentional and I'm watching from 2022 when that is no longer a popular gay style or a style especially associated with the gay community. And I'll be honest, my dislike for the more serious interpretations that are popular in fandom make jokes I might otherwise enjoy less fun for me. I try to be independent, but I don't exist in a vacuum.

I know privately speculating about an actor's sexuality was different in an era where basically no one could be out, so I had to check my 2020s instinct to cringe, lol. Mike Farrell kinda fascinates me because he's very comfortable and secure in who he is and that includes being emotionally open and communicative (maybe he did get something good out of that culty program he did) and I think especially in a hypermasculine period, that can read as potentially queer. Mike Farrell was doing all of that and promoting gay rights, Alan Alda was getting called feminine and a wimp and promoting the ERA, and though he was not open at the time, David Ogden Stiers was a gay man. MASH was not a place for traditional gender roles or toxic masculinity and I love them for it.

I'm sure it's there for a significant number of people, but in the scheme of the number of people who watched mash, it's a small fraction. I have tried to be clear that my opinions are my own and I hope I've succeeded at that. As a gay person, I don't see it. There are other gay people who also don't see it. There are gay people that do. We're not a monolith. I really don't like how "gay culture" sometimes morphs into an implication that we all agree on everything or see everything the same way. So I'm glad there are different interpretations. I'm going to keep talking about mine and if I sound contrarian it's only because one interpretation happens to be overwhelmingly popular in this particular community and I want to be heard.