#all of the bros are included in solar system

[omorinovaau]

yapping session about my fav ships :

i love suntan so much. i want to squeeze them.

and don't get me started on omokel. THE SILLIES!!!! THE SILLY CHILDREN(god why does that sound so weird-)!!! THE SILLY BLORBOS!!!

suntan is literally the sun x moon dynamic!!!

I LOVE KELBREY!!!!!!! THE SILLIES!!!! THEY WOULD BE THAT ONE MARRIED COUPLE THAT BICKERS!!! I LOVE KELBREY SO MUCH,PAST,PRESENT,FUTURE,AU,OR HEADSPACE!!!

cactiflower.

the sillies.

the skrunklies.

the skrimbos.

i want basil to pick up kel like a cat.

queerplatonic or platonic cactiflower>>>

sunflower.

queerplatonic or platonic sunflower >>>

they are the lamest things ever i want to crush them /pos

PHOTOBOMB!!!

i prefer to call it 'aubsi',i don't even know why. it just sounds cute,and i also like to imagine that basil would nickname her that,but like,writen 'aubsey' instead.

pre-canon aubsi>>>

[pinksiames]

Teacher AU Headcanons!

Headcanons for my fic linked here

Gale despite being so young doesn’t really get on social media, and when he does use it it’s silly tiktoks that no one else but him find funny

He’s legally blind and extremely near-sided, he cannot function without his glasses, running into walls and stumbling over things when he doesn’t have them on

He used to have coke bottle lenses but started getting thinner lenses cause of how much he was getting bullied growing up

He’s a cat person! He loves dogs but he likes cats more since in his experience they’re more friendly (he almost got attacked by a chow chow as a kid)

He’s been thinking about adopting a cat so he isn’t as lonely at home

He’s a huge space and sci-fi nerd (obviously) and had dreams of becoming an astronaut as a kid, but realized how lonely he would get being so far from earth

His first tattoo he got was a back piece of the solar system, and every year for his birthday he splurges and gets another one! Mostly matching his theme of space and the beyond

He used to have his lobes pierced when he was a teenager but got caught by his dad, who then almost ripped his earlobe off trying to get them out of gales ears

He and Benny became friends in college! They were roommates freshmen and sophomore year and continued to talk and hang out after getting paired with different people

People have told him he smells like roasted pecans

Marge was and still is his best friend, while she still lives in Wyoming they talk constantly

They had a small fling back in high school until they both realized they were gay! But they continued “dating” to save face for both of their families

He easily became one of the more favorited teachers in the school, his classroom being open to anyone who needed it, he ends up with kids who aren’t even his students in his class

His students make fun of him for having to lift his glasses and squint at his phone when he’s trying to read something

The kids have suspicions about Gale and John being together (they’re secretly together but they don’t need to know that) it’s hard not too when John is in gales room almost 24/7, chatting him up while kids file in, bringing him lunches, calling him Buck instead of Mr Cleven when Gale sticks to strictly Coach Egan

Someone ends up making a TikTok video with him in it and it goes viral, so they get some of his students to make his own TikTok account that ends up being ran by Bucky so he can monitor who comments what (he gets jealous when people find his favorite coworker hot)

Bucky went to a local community college near his Ma’s place and then went to the university of Michigan where he played on their baseball team! He was on his way to playing in the MLB until he had a bad accident and destroyed his shoulder :(

He has a titanium plate in his shoulder! He likes to joke about how he’s practically part cyborg because of it

He ended up changing majors since he wanted to still do something in sports, going into sports management and physical education

He started coaching at a decently young age at 23 (he’s 26 now) and has basically taught in Texas since he graduated

He ending up moving down to Texas because of the teacher/coach shortage they were having, but he still visits his mom and sister during school breaks

He has his high school and college medals and trophies up on display in his office with his degrees

He loves all of his kids, making sure each and everyone of them were included, super fundraising to make sure all of them could go on trips or get the best gear and uniforms

He goes to the gym religiously but refuses to be one of those “gym bros” (he definitely is) and posts on his instagram of him flexing in the mirror or just working out in general (he won’t admit it but he hopes Gale sees the post) (sadly he never will cause Gale doesn’t use instagram)

Hope yall enjoyed my rambling!

[tonguetyd]

literally annoyed that all coastal states (including my dumb glove shaped state) aren't 90% hydro/wind

i might not be an engineer but i am with you there

*drags soapbox out and jumps on top*

DO YOU KNOW HOW INFURIATING IT IS TO HAVE EVERYONE SAY “ELECTRIFY EVERYTHING” KNOWING FULL GODDAMN WELL THAT THE GRID 1) CANNOT SUPPORT IT AND 2) IS DRASTICALLY NOT BASED ON RENEWABLE ENERGY?!?!?!

Don’t get me wrong I love electric cars, I love heat pump systems, I love buildings and homes that can say they are fossil fuel free! Really! I do!

But it means FUCK ALL when you have!!!! Said electricity!!!! Sourced by fossil fuels!!!! I said this in my tags on the other post but New York City! Was operating on *COAL*!!!!! Up until like 5 years ago.

WE ARE SITTING IN THE MIDDLE OF A RIVER.

Not to mention the ocean which like. You ever been to the beach?! You know what there’s a whole hell of a lot of at the beach? Wind!!!!!!!! And yet we have literal campaigns saying “save our oceans! Say no to wind power!”

Idk bruh I feel like the fish are gonna be less happy in a boiling ocean than needing to swim around a giant turbine but. I’m not a fuckin fish so.

NOT TO MENTION (I am fully waving my hands around like a crazy person because this is the main thing that gets me going)

THE ELECTRICAL GRID OF THE UNITED STATES HAS NOT BEEN UPDATED ON LARGE SCALE LEVELS SINCE IT WAS BUILT IN THE 1950s AND 60s.

It is not DESIGNED to handle every building in the city of [random map location] Chicago being off of gas and completely electrified. It’s not!!! The plants cannot handle it as now!

So not only do we not have renewable sources because somebody in Iowa doesn’t want to replace their corn field with a solar field/a rich Long Islander doesn’t want to replace their ocean view with a wind turbine! We also are actively encouraging people to put MORE of a strain on the grid with NO FUCKING SOLUTION TO MEET THAT DEMAND!

I used to deal with this *all* the time in my old job when I was working with smaller building - they ALWAYS needed an electrical upgrade from the street and like. The utility only has so many wires going to that building. And it’s not planning on bringing in more for the most part!

(I am now vibrating with rage) and THEN you have the fuckin AI bros! Who have their data centers in the middle of nowhere because that’s a great place to have a lot of servers that you need right? Yeah sure, you know what those places don’t have? ELECTRICAL INFRASTRUCTURE TO SUPPORT THE STUPID AMOUNT OF POWER AI NEEDS!!!!!!!

Now the obvious solution is that the AI bros of Google and Microsoft and whoever the fuck just use their BILLIONS OF FUCKING DOLLARS IN PROFIT to be good neighbors and upgrade the fucking systems because truly what is the downside to that everybody fucking wins!

But what do I know. I’m just friendly neighborhood engineer.

*hops down from soapbox*

[surveillance-0011]

got any headcanons for Douglas or Harper?

yeas :3 I'll do some for both but mostly douglas if that's alright!! 2nd half for douglas + harper hcs below the cut bc this got a bit long I have Many Thoughts on Douglas . lil warning for references to the whole skrendel thing for douglas and mentions of harper's military past but all in passing and whatnot . nothing super angsty or explicit just going over stuff. All of that is below the cut tho

Douglas

he/him. bicurious/questioning and a little shy about it, but it's more of an open secret than anything. He is slowly realizing he likes guys a lot more than he likes women and he's unsure how to feel about it

Space is very pro lgbt it's very much normal for them bc there's all these different species and civilizations. why would any of them be cisheteronormative lol?? But really he's more embarrassed about actually feeling strong attraction and realizing he's a mushier person than he'd like to think. if that makes sense. like "oh no i am giggling like a schoolgirl over this guy what do i fucking do"

In general he doesn't like being seen as a vulnerable person, both physically and mentally. The idea of being in love for real is a little daunting to him...

I'd say he'd probably eventually land on bi or pan tho? Just with a heavy male/masc/etc lean.

early 30's? for his species? Late 20's?

From a moon with seas on it, think a less icy Europa! Currently lives on Port Terrene or a nearby territory.

His species is a delicacy for some alien races, mainly those living on the moon but he was basically fair game for anyone in that solar system so he booked it by sneaking onto a commercial spaceship to safety. Living in the background and slimy underbellies lead him to be where he is now.

He thinks that this is kind of funny by the way he has totally taken some of the higher ups to a restaurant that serves his kind to either stare them down for the whole meal or insist they order it and then wait in the bathroom so they think he straight up got cooked

Pretty physically fragile. PT's conditions are similar enough to his home moon in terms of gravity and whatnot that he's doing alright but he needs the suit to thrive there and survive on many other planets. That and he's very vulnerable to physical damage out of his suit. So, the suit is mainly for protection and an advantage in combat but there's also the advantage of hiding what he actually looks like-- useful for his line of work, deceiving others, and not letting most know he's a squishy lil guy.

Does not like the cold. He will languish… please…

Amphibious, can spend time out of the water but needs to be moist to breathe + thrive. Suit mists him down too.

In general the suit is pretty well coded and whatnot... engineering masterpiece... it's like a little mini mech kind of in my mind.

Would kill to pilot a huge ass mech some day btw. Douglas needs a huge ass mech.

Garmantuous, Nipulon, and probably Giblets have seen him out of his suit or otherwise know/have been told abt it. That and whoever of the Skrendel Bros he had that little tryst with. or not. idk.

Everyone else? A good deal of people mainly those in the crime syndicates have seen him without his helmet or been able to kind of see his face through it but I'm under the assumption that only some folks know he's a straight up octopus. Assuming this since Kenny didn't know and it took Gus some time to recognize him/he had to figure it out first so ig that means most folk (Including Rel and Krubis) don't really know !!

As for how the whole delicacy thing. ig that's like. other side of the galactic community. niche shtuff.

While he's generally an asshole and cruel to those beneath him, when it comes to the other officers of the G3 he's generally friendly (by Douglas standards tho). Still it's very 50/50. Total wildcard, does whatever entertains him. Prone to mischief, trickery, and dragging others along in his antics, sober or not. Will be your pal one day and your worst enemy the next. Workplace warfare game is peak I'll tell you that much

He does a good job at worming his way outta trouble. He's a clever lil guy pretty damn resourceful. People don't give him enough credit bc for all the lack of impulse control he shows he's smart and slick enough to un-fuck up the situation if need be.

always a little pissy abt dealing with the long term consequences that he can't get himself out of but hey. he tries his goddamn best

Decently buddy-buddy with the Skrendels though this have been a bit Complicated since. Yknow.

Honestly I think it was Jonathan. Makes the most sense to me in my mind. The two are pretty much still just friends but Jonny boy kind of wishes there was more there now. Douglas doesn't, all that much. The other brothers know and Angela has probably pulled Douglas aside to beg "for the love of all that's holy let him down gently"

Mona was more like "If I so much as see a tear in my brother's eye you're calamari"

But they're all still pals. I guess. Everyone has their ups and downs? They still like getting up to mayhem when their paths cross and Jonathan is pretty friendly with Douglas still even if the other two are pretty... not all that ok abt the whole thing. the bros get protective.

Weirded out by Giblets but is honestly much too entertained by how pathetic he is to tell him to fuck off. He just tries to up the "what the fuck" factor when he can. On the other hand Giblets is very terrified yet very enthralled w/ Douglas. He is an enigma to the dr....

Things are also weird with Krubis. They kind of totally hate each other but it kind of makes them good friends. Above all else Douglas reminds Krubis of himself when he was younger so he kind of. Gets It and wants to keep a closer eye on him

like. they would get along so well but so awfully as well. there's no way krubis isn't jealous that Douglas has a better job and manages to keep it despite all the bullshit. There's no way they haven't been screwed over by Douglas once or twice by being caught in the crossfire of all the stuff he does. And I think Douglas is fickle with some of his workplace alliances some days he’ll take Krubis’s side others he’ll take Giblets he’s just like that for the goofs. Krubis gets pissed off w/ him a lot but I think they are low-key on the same wavelength. idk if that makes sense i'll probably draw or write it out in detail some day soon... hm...

Garm is Tired of Him. Nipulon is consistently disappointed and somehow also surprised with the crazy shit Douglas gets up to but does appreciate when Douglas comes around and does something competent by his standards. Gurgula found him annoying but is just. whatever.

Not always the best at reading the room.

A pretty optimistic person actually. Assumes best case scenario often. Even if his idea of the best case scenario involves killing people he doesn't like it's fine he's just a little guy

He can change colors somewhat, mostly at the tip of his tentacles. It's a signifier of health and emotion. There's a lot of patterns of flickering for communication and whatnot. They curl and deepen in color to denote distress, for example. And he's usually a pretty bright blue unless he's sick.

Epic gamer. With that many tentacles how could he not be. Total sucker for arcade games especially,,

Also big on party + group games. This is a man who has killed over mario party or kart… I just know it.

And drinking games ofc

Watches shitty daytime television on his days off esp when he’s hungover

Also loves riffing on shitty movies

Laughed over people crying about the space titanic movie only to bawl at the end. He blames the alcohol but we all know… we all know.

Facultative carnivore or omnivorous with preference to meat. main diet is like. fish shellfish maybe some sea plants... algae things... idk... he can stomach other foods but most plants just don't do anything for him nutrition wise. i say most because who knows what crazy stuff is out there in space. le shrug. gotta think the space food stuff over...

He thought Sweezy was annoying but useful. Lots of bickering but considering she doesn't talk during the fight he probably turned off her ability to with that inhibitor thing later on into their time together? because i do not think she would willingly be quiet for his sake.

Honest 2 god he coulda been a stand up comedian or an actor or written a book or something he's funny enough for it. But ig torturing people was his calling.

And he is a very creative torture technician! He's definitely squeezed information out of people well before. He shows enough prowess here that Garm is still impressed enough to not have totally gone sicko mode on him god bless

Beer and adjacent spacey drinks (there's a lot more choices out there in the galaxy after all) are his alcoholic beverages of choice. Some fruitier cocktails catch his eye sometimes too

Even when he is not going off on wild adventures or partying he is being generally bewildering.

he just wants 2 have fun at the end of the day...

Harper (i don't have as much I need to watch another play through i think)

she/they sapphic. Soft butch ish but dorky always looks like she's taking fashion notes from Luz (saying this as someone who hasn't watched TOH but. you see what i mean. and i mean this with affection and understanding.)

Thrilled to find about about axolotls on Earth. Frilly like her :) very fond of amphibians in general

Stoked to be learning all this cool shit about people and the world around her and doing cool shit as a bounty hunter and meeting Gene and stuff...

Kinda easily impressed. not used to having nice things.

Traumatized for sure but she's trying to be chill about it. Not used to asking for help

Generally A Bit Anxious at all times. jumpy in casual life

Vaguely morally fucked from being in that task force. This is kind of canon i guess... she'll be a little cheap or nosy or callous if she has to be and while i don't think she's super scummy I'm sure that cold blooded training will not be wearing off anytime soon

She does care about other people she's just bad at empathy and relating... and yknow... taught not to care... taught to be a soldier... but she cares she loves her pals so so much goddammit!!

The sort of person who googles her symptoms and convinces herself she's dying of ultra instinct tuberculosis

Professional armchair psychiatrist

Capable, just clumsy. She'll get the job done but not without some mishaps and taking the long way around.

Big fan of summer+warmer weather

Likes strawberry and mango... big on fruit in general. fruitpilled.

Ice cream and sherbet fan

But she love burger also. yes i am going to do the thing where a character mentions food and consider it their favorite sorry. i just love a girl eating aburger.

Never got to meet Kenny. They did, however, cross paths with Lezduit sometime before the G3's invasion.

I am a Harper x Sweezy truther. women... awesome... not yet tho i think it is a gradual thing... i like to imagine it just kind of happens. no confession or whatever just someday soon they wake up look at each other and say "wow i guess we've just been dating now"

could apply to other Gatlians but esp for her she likes to watch tv with gene and will totally watch youtube on the Bounty Hunter's computer... my little iPad baby...

Really likes nature documentaries. Worlds biggest casual geographic + Lindsay Nicole fan also

Speaking of I am choosing to believe both of them survive and start making alien zoology videos.

In an anthro or human au she would have a prosthetic leg

Either way anthro or not, the cybernetic bits are all kind of like a prosthetic and she talks to Gene sometimes abt disability + combat stuff during the uncommon occasions that she opens up about it a little.

And lastly a little prediction: if they bring back Kenny w/ a new VA then I'm expecting either an ability to switch which one you want to use, maybe having the option of dual wielding the two of them, or that Kenny gets an upgrade that makes him more powerful and he's a late game addition like Lez :3c

Or maybe pointing to a two player mode or switching perspectives with Lizzie if she finds Kenny wherever she is?? Kinda like Yokai Watch 3 switching between chapters until the two protags meet up.

[spacepiratenemo]

WANTED: Lunaliel Nemo ☠

⚠Due to formatting the full version might get weirdly cropped by Insta; I’ll post that to my story & add it to a highlight though⚠

Boooya! Nemo’s bounty develops over time, starting with 250 Mil; rising to 442 Mil, and ultimately ending up with 1 Billion after the TS. The government's reasoning? Nemo is a dangerous terrorist distributing weapons of mass destruction. LOL: Like… the gamepad, ya sayin’? Or the headset, bro? Fine, alright, admittedly her guns are dangerous and she can build the means of mass destruction, but no one ever considers that she doesn’t pull triggers unless she has to!…Or you said that “cute” word to her *sighs* And mass destruction? Seriously? Yes, there are weapons of such calibre that were built by her, but these are means to defend the solar system from interstellar invasions; an emergency precaution in case a highly developed hostile species were to cause harm. So - how about a damn ���thank you” to the Mech from outer space, aye?! 😂

What people might misunderstand, possibly so due to Nemo’s bad temper, is that she is actually rather peace loving. That’s why it pisses her off if you tryna piss her off, duh!! Her dreams include the interstellar travel-net, alongside other projects such as the local dyson sphere. Free energy for everyone, a highway allowing anyone to travel among the stars and visit other planets, cultured farms on habitable and uninhabited rocks that could feed people real food, and bloody hell - have some good old adventures. ✨

The only real threat is that Nemo could expose all of their dirty secrets; and maybe this also is the true reason behind the massive raise after roughly a year.

Her bounty on the local gaming cloud is drastic though; exceeding a few trillion points of terror. This cheeky mouse is also known as a camper’s nightmare, a cheater’s horror and a master of button-smashin’! 🖤👾

[infamousbrad]

Trump's election means that Washington DC is going to be useless for the next four years. Useless at best. Nothing important is going to get fixed if it has to get permission from the President of the United States. So ignore the President of the United States as much as you can and do what lots of other people were doing even before the election: saving the world ourselves.

You're going to hear this from me over and over again, in varying words, whenever I can give you a beautiful example like this one:

Dave Roberts, whose Volts podcast is the absolute premier source on zero-carbon electrification, interviewed the CEO of Sunrun, Mary Powell (transcript included at that link, if you'd rather read it) live on stage and, if this doesn't give you hope, I don't know what to offer you. She details all the progress her company has made, the progress her company is making, and the progress she's confident Sunrun can make in the next few years. And it is a lot of progress.

No matter how little help she gets from DC, which help Sunrun no longer needs. Not even if they try to stop her. Sunrun is ignoring Washington DC and getting on with saving the world, one solar plus battery system with built-in resilience and opt-out personal for-profit virtual power plant system for the price of your current energy bill or less per customer.

[aluminumroofingblog]

Flat Roofing: The Modern Solution for Contemporary Architecture

In the realm of architecture, the evolution of roofing materials and designs has been instrumental in shaping both the aesthetic appeal and functionality of buildings. Among the various types of roofs available today, flat roofing stands out as a versatile and practical choice, particularly favored in contemporary and modern architectural styles. This article delves into the characteristics, benefits, and considerations of flat roofing, highlighting why it has become a preferred option for many architects and homeowners alike.

Characteristics of Flat Roofing

Contrary to traditional sloped roofs, flat roofs feature a minimal slope or no slope at all, appearing nearly level. This distinct characteristic lends itself well to modern architectural designs, offering a sleek, minimalist look that complements the clean lines and geometric shapes often found in contemporary buildings. Moreover, experts at Dillon Bros. Roofing explain how flat roofs can be constructed using a variety of materials, including built-up roofing (BUR), modified bitumen, EPDM rubber, PVC, TPO, and metal, each offering different advantages in terms of durability, cost-effectiveness, and environmental impact.

Benefits of Flat Roofing

Urban Adaptability: In densely populated urban areas where space is at a premium, flat roofs provide an opportunity to utilize the roof space for gardens, outdoor living areas, solar panels, or even additional living space in the form of rooftop decks. This versatility makes flat roofs an attractive option for maximizing the usable area of a property.

Ease of Installation and Maintenance: Compared to sloped roofs, flat roofs are generally easier and quicker to install. This can translate into lower labor costs during construction. Additionally, maintenance tasks such as cleaning gutters and inspecting for damage are simpler and safer on a flat surface, reducing maintenance expenses over time.

Energy Efficiency: Flat roofs can accommodate the installation of energy-efficient materials such as reflective coatings and green roofs. Reflective coatings help reduce the absorption of heat, thereby lowering cooling costs during hot weather. Green roofs, which incorporate vegetation, provide natural insulation and help mitigate the urban heat island effect.

Cost-Effectiveness: Due to their simpler design and installation process, flat roofs can be more cost-effective than sloped roofs, especially for large commercial buildings or expansive residential properties. The availability of a wide range of roofing materials further allows property owners to choose options that fit their budget and performance requirements.

Modern Aesthetics: From minimalist homes to commercial buildings with a contemporary flair, flat roofs offer architects and designers a canvas for creating visually striking structures. The clean, horizontal lines of a flat roof complement modern building materials such as glass, concrete, and steel, contributing to a cohesive and sophisticated architectural style.

Considerations for Flat Roofing

While flat roofing offers numerous benefits, there are important considerations to keep in mind:

Drainage: Proper drainage is critical for flat roofs to prevent water pooling, which can lead to structural issues and premature wear of roofing materials. Installing adequate drainage systems, including drains, scuppers, and tapered insulation, is essential for ensuring the longevity and performance of a flat roof.

Weather Resistance: Flat roofs are more susceptible to water infiltration compared to sloped roofs, making the selection of high-quality, waterproofing materials crucial. Regular inspections and prompt repairs of any damage or wear are necessary to maintain the integrity of the roof.

Building Codes and Permits: Local building codes may have specific requirements for the design and construction of flat roofs, particularly regarding load-bearing capacity, fire resistance, and energy efficiency. Obtaining the necessary permits and ensuring compliance with building codes is essential to avoid potential legal and safety issues.

Structural Considerations: Flat roofs require robust structural support to bear the weight of the roof materials, equipment installed on the roof (such as HVAC units), and any additional loads from accumulated snow or water during heavy precipitation. Consulting with a structural engineer ensures that the roof design meets safety standards and can withstand environmental stresses.

Roof Access and Safety: Access to flat roofs for maintenance and repairs should be carefully planned to ensure the safety of personnel. Installing permanent ladders, roof hatches, or safety rails may be necessary to comply with occupational health and safety regulations and prevent accidents. 

Lifecycle Costs: While flat roofs offer initial cost savings and long-term benefits, property owners should consider the lifecycle costs associated with maintenance, repairs, and eventual replacement. Planning for routine inspections, periodic resealing, and budgeting for roof replacement at the end of its lifespan ensures continued functionality and protects the investment in the building.

Choosing the Right Flat Roofing System: The choice of roofing material depends on various factors, including climate, building use, budget, and aesthetic preferences. Consulting with a qualified roofing contractor or architect can help determine the most suitable flat roofing system for your specific needs and ensure proper installation and maintenance practices are followed. Read more. 

In conclusion, flat roofing has emerged as a modern solution that aligns with contemporary architectural trends, offering versatility, cost-effectiveness, and aesthetic appeal. By understanding the characteristics, benefits, and considerations associated with flat roofing, architects, homeowners, and property managers can make informed decisions to enhance building design, maximize space utilization, and ensure long-term performance and sustainability of their properties. Whether for residential homes, commercial buildings, or institutional facilities, flat roofing continues to redefine urban landscapes and architectural possibilities with its practicality and visual appeal.

[jcmarchi]

Everything Announced During The 2024 Summer Devolver Direct Presentation

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Everything Announced During The 2024 Summer Devolver Direct Presentation

This year’s not-E3 weekend video game events have begun, starting with Geoff Keighley’s Summer Game Fest showcase earlier today. Shortly after that, though, perhaps the zaniest publisher, Devolver Digital, took to the digital airwaves to showcase six of its games in the 2024 Summer Devolver Direct presentation. 

If you weren’t able to catch it, or if you missed the name of the game you’re excited to check out (or even its release date maybe), we’ve got you covered. 

Here’s Everything Announced During Today’s 2024 Summer Devolver Direct Presentation

Possessor(s)

Possessor(s) is a new game from Heart Machine, the team behind Hyper Light Drifter and Solar Ash, and it’s coming to undisclosed consoles and PC next year. It features action combat inspired by platform fighters like Super Smash Bros. and is set in a quarantined city destroyed by interdimensional catastrophe. 

In the game, you control Luca, the host, and Rehm, her less-than-cooperative counterpart as the two venture through a sprawling metropolis filled with ruined skyscrapers to explore and secrets about what happened to uncover. Devolver says the story features multiple paths in an “open-ended world structure” and upgrades to discover that allows Luca and Rehm to explore previously inaccessible areas, possibly hinting at a Metroidvania-inspired city layout. 

Tenjutsu

Tenjutsu is a jujutsu-inspired action roguelite from Sébastien Benard, lead designer of Dead Cells and solo developer at Deepnight Games, and it’s coming to consoles and PC sometime in the future. If you’re familiar with Benard’s work, you might recognize Tenjutsu (48h version), which he released back in 2022 – Tenjutsu is a fully fleshed-out version of that 2022 concept. 

Devolver describes the game as a “fast and fluid rogue-jutsu,” leaning into the game’s jujutsu roguelite action. In it, you control a renegade yakuza “hellbent on defying her former associates and loosening their grip on the Secret Garden City.” To do so, you must fight four powerful crime syndicates. To defeat them “you must master a brutal brawling system and build a diverse arsenal of weapons, upgrades, and martial arts techniques, breaking their hold on the streets in a flurry of violence.” 

While you have to take down all four crime syndicates, you can do so in any order. As you do, you unlock new weapons, combat moves, and additional areas to explore. However, the longer you spend doing this, the stronger your enemies become. 

Cult Of The Lamb: Unholy Alliance

Developer Massive Monster still isn’t done with its 2022 hit game, Cult of the Lamb, as it’s bringing full campaign co-op to it this August. The Unholy Alliance update hits the game on August 12 and adds a new playable character: the Goat.

With the Goat joining the titular Lamb, players can now experience the entire campaign in local co-op. Devolver says this update includes two-player twists on existing minigames in Cult of the Lamb, like fishing and kuncklebones, as well as additional corrupted weapons, tarot cards, curses, and relics. While playing in co-op, players can swap weapons, deal extra damage when fighting back-to-back, and deal critical hits if their attacks are in sync. Plus, solo players get some new powers and abilities to play with, too. 

Elsewhere in the update, Unholy Alliance adds new buildings, fleeces, follower traits, follower quests, and more secrets to discover. 

The Talos Principle II: Road To Elysium

One of our favorite games of 2023 – The Talos Principle II – is getting a three-part “coda” expansion next week, on June 14, called Road To Elysium. Devolver says it will reunite players with beloved characters and put your puzzle-solving skills to the test through a series of thought-provoking new stories. 

Road To Elysium follows the event of The Talos Principle II and continues the evolution of the robot world while providing you with a new perspective on some of the base game’s key moments. This expansion consists of three chapters, each with a distinctive look and feel:

Orpheus Ascending: Set in Ancient Egypt, in this chapter, you will explore the philosophy of love, death, and resurrection through the story of Hypatia and Sarabhai. 

Isle of the Blessed: This chapter allows players to hang out with Yaqut and Miranda as they join Cornelius and Athena on a “puzzle-driven adventure set on a stunning Caribbean island.” 

Into the Abyss: Devolvers says in this chapter, players will “return to one of the most dramatic moments from The Talos Principle II” to find out what happened to Byron when he was trapped in the Megastructure. 

The Talos Principle II’s Road to Elysium expansion launches June 14 on PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, and PC. It will cost $19.99. 

Anger Foot

After delaying Anger Foot last year to 2024, Devolver Digital has given the first-person kicker (and shooter) a PC release date: July 11. 

If you’re not familiar with Anger Foot, it takes place in the caffeine-fueled S**t City, and tasks players with putting the boot, literally, to a menacing menagerie of merciless gangsters.

“Unleash the world’s deadliest feet on a colorful cast of anthropomorphic enemies, clearing out slums, sewers, and skyscrapers as you grab new weapons, unlock new sneakers, and upgrade your powers in absurd and wonderful ways,” a press release reads. 

The Crush House

Devolver announced today that its reality TV-inspired “thirst-person shooter,” The Crush House, launches on PC on August 9. However, the publisher revealed a new demo for the game is available to download and play right now. 

In The Crush House, you play as Jae, a new producer for The Crush House. As Jae, you’ll take your camera into the show’s Malibu, California, mansion to keep viewers glued to their screens by filming as much drama, romance, and tension as you can find. However, if you fail to keep the audience entertained, your show will get canceled. 

And that’s everything announced during today’s 2024 Devolver Digital presentation. 

Let us know what your favorite reveals were in the comments below!

[faeiapalette]

LEAVE AYATO ALONE.

Y’all only focus on what’s bad about him, yeah yeah it was his fault but you are neglecting his struggles too. If you don’t like his stans or character, then stop seeking for attention posting those stupid opinions online that do no good.

Ayato deserves to be the main guy of DL and if you don’t like it then go cry in a corner. Everyone did bad stuff but be fucking for real Ayato is the Sakamaki who was always the most helpful and never gave up on anyone and he redeemed himself the fastest out of everyone else.

The fact so many people are defending him doesn’t make those people toxic and maybe not even all of them are Ayato stans, have you thought of it? He’s a good boy who tries his best to protect everyone close to him and has such a heart of gold that forgives all his enemies but suuuuure let’s quickly forget about those details. Not to mention he’s the only one out of his bros who actually got balls lul

You’re a fucking Laito stan and dare to talk ill about AYATO? He was Laito’s saviour in Lost Eden, have you forgot it?

Nah girl, if you really want to be different, then start with keeping your mouth shout because spreading so much hate about a character that is loved for good reasons will make you toxic too.

I never said i don’t value his struggle. 🤨 Again (sighhhhh. I don’t know how many time i have to tell yall that I. Just. Shared. A. Different. Perspective. From. Yall. ‘S. And that EVERYONE ELSE is at fault, but he’s at fault too. Saying that doesn’t mean i hate him? 😅 Yall are putting words in my mouth again. His struggles are value? Yes. Absolutely. But how about all the other people struggling everyday, tiptoeing around him because their lifes are being threatened, and the whole clan’s future being threatened? Dude literally blew up the whole place bc of a brother quarrel. Not the brother quarrel that wounded his sibblings, it’s the ones before that. So his brothers aren’t worth one cent? The clan doesn’t matter?

Second of all. I don’t seek attention 🤨? I just posted my opinion then yall jump in? It’s yall who think i “seek attention”, not me.

Third. “He deserves” doesn’t mean “he is”. I gave yall a solution that doesn’t make the 12 other boy’s routes extras or not as important as Ayato and yall be mad at me? 🤨 Another fair declaration being assumed into “discrediting Ayato” huh.

Next. By that logic, back then if a lot of people saying that the earth is the center of the universe, they aren’t wrong. So why are we believing in Galilleo’s solar system rn? And about what makes them “toxic”, haven’t some of the ask mentioned that? That they couldn’t say anything bc yall will assume things about them and attack them?

Oh and. His thoughts and wills, indeed, indicate that he wants to protect people. Though some of his actions said otherwise. He pushed people away? Insulted them? If you’re using his mindset as a scale for “golden heart”, please include all-of-his-actions too. Oh and did we have a talk about toxic forgiveness?

“Savior”. That’s a big word. Again, he was having intention of “saveing Laito”, but did he, successfully, save him? No? Then don’t call him Laito’s savior then. Use “He has good intentions” instead.

Finally! Am i the toxic one for saying the truth, or is it this community the toxic one, for assuming, attacking, entitling, force-feeding people and make them sit in a mold? By that logic, again, if being different means that i have to keep my mouth shut, then all of us queers should have shut our mouth and let people walk on us for eternity, don’t you mean?

[bollywood143114]

No more hassle of LPG gas! Introduced kerosene stoves in India, cooked food for free, and provided government subsidies

Along with petrol-diesel, the price of cooking gas cylinders is also rising rapidly across the country. In this situation, the rising price of LPG gas has completely ruined the kitchen budget of common people. If you're struggling with a spoiled kitchen budget, let me tell you about a gas stove that can once again handle your kitchen budget according to your pocket. The name of this gas stove is Surya Nutan. What's special is that if you buy it, you're still getting a subsidy offer from the government. What is a Surya Nutan Stove? (What is a Surya Nutan Stove?) The Surya Nutan stove was developed by the R&D center of Indian Oil Corporation, a government oil company. Complete information related to this Surya Nutan solar stove has also been shared by Indian Oil Corporation. In such situations, we will tell you how you can save money by using Surya Nutan Solar Stove. We can tell you that you can comfortably cook a meal or two on this stove. How does Surya Nutan Stove work? (How the Surya Nutan Stove Works) Surya Nutan Stove works through solar energy. But tell me you don't have to keep it in the sun. In fact, it is a rechargeable indoor solar cooking system, so you can use it conveniently even if you have it in the kitchen. The Surya Nutan Solar Stove consists of two units. One stove that can be placed in the kitchen and another that can be placed on the roof with solar panels. The company claims that it is automatically charged by receiving sunlight every day, and through this, it can easily cook food for 4 people day and night. Explain that the stove on the gas-fired solar stove is connected via cables to solar panels on the roof, and works by collecting solar energy. These plates store solar energy in a thermal battery and due to this the Surya Nutan stove cooks food even at night. Surya nutan stoves can operate with the help of electricity. Apart from this, this Surya Nutan stove also works in hybrid mode. In fact, if you don't have solar energy, you can even run it by plugging it into electricity. This stove is available in three different models. Our premium model makes it easy to prepare breakfast, lunch and dinner for a family of four. It can be used conveniently for 10 years with maintenance. At the same time, the lifetime of the solar panel is 25 years. Government subsidizes purchase of Surya Nutan Stove If you are planning to buy this Surya Nutan stove, please let us know that government subsidies are also available. The government is known to have tested around 50 16 cooking stoves over the past six months, mostly in cold and hot weather conditions, including military, BRO and schools, where food is also being cooked in areas like Leradakh. How much does a surya nutan stove cost? Talking about the price of the Surya Nutan Stove, we currently say that the base model is 12000 rupees and the top model is 23000 rupees. Information shared by Indian Oil Corporation indicates that prices may go down in the future. At the same time, the government subsidizes these stoves, so you can take advantage of them. The IRCTC menu includes many dishes including litti-chokha, jalebi, hot milk, boiled vegetables, and khichdi. See list of ratios. DISCLAIMER We’ve taken all measures to insure that the information handed in this composition and on our social media platform is believable, vindicated and sourced from other Big media Houses. For any feedback or complaint, reach out to us at drihita@gmail.com Read the full article

[ignisnocturnalia]

Ushdhsjdhei those Nokris hcs had me SWEATING they were so good! I’m not sure if you’re taking requests currently, but if you are, could we have some for Oryx please? At any rate, I hope you have a lovely day! 🥰

Oryx was on my personal list next, so this request lines up PERFECTLY 😏 I hope you've been having good days as well, my friend 😎

Oryx x Reader

Relationship

As the Taken King, congratulations, you are now the Taken Queen and most likely an ✨outlaw✨ to the city

Things might get a little dicey, since before you came along he viewed “loving” as killing the object of his affections repeatedly… (I have the anthologies, bro has killed his siblings like 3 times not even halfway through the book while gushing about how much he cares about them)

Takes you to the different planets he’s conquered, detailing their indiginous species before he had them annihilated whenever you ask about them (including war moons)

Tries to help you create your own throne world, and if you can’t or don’t want to, he shares his with you

Just the same as him, Hive kneel to you, and though unnecessary you receive a part of the upward stream of power acquired through their Sword Logic per Oryx’s command

Even though you might not understand the culture very well, your words will still carry hefty weight; be mindful of what you say, it could literally get a solar system erased

It’s highly unlikely, but on the rare occasion that you’d have a run in with one of his siblings he’s ready to challenge their doubts about you being his mate

Since you don’t use the power given to you and Oryx doesn’t restrict what you use it on, the fastest way for you to befriend his soldiers is by dangling favors just within reach; the Thralls act like cats to you in the absence of the King, and Wizards flock to you so you can see their accomplishments and be impressed by their work enough to give them a boost in their hierarchical climb

Oryx has, in fact, made a throne beside his for you and frequently invites you to help him study the Darkness; he thinks your cluelessness of the universe is cute, but he is determined to get you to understand what he means when he speaks of “The Final Shape”

You have your own fleet, no questions asked. If you’re going to be his Queen, he wants you to grow your influence across space so your name becomes known and feared as equally as his is

NSFW 👁👄👁

I have a supreme feeling, that as the “King of Shapes”, Oryx can totally shift between a female morph and a male morph especially since he used to be female

Pays close attention to what makes you squirm, can and will make you come through touching alone

Prefers being dominant, but will give you opportunities to feel like you’re in control

Don’t care how tall you are, size difference will exist and he digs it in the sack, bonus if he can see his outline on the skin of your stomach

His wings twitch and shudder a lot, and they’re quite sensitive to light touches, so if you can reach them  d o  i t 

He is very rough, prepare to lose your legs for ~1 week. If he’s feeling generous for whatever reason he will be a little more gentle, but it’s almost unnoticeable

Likes it when you try to scratch his chitin, and will be very vocal if you can actually cause any amount of damage

He is a big fan of overstimulation, as well as teasing, so you’re either going to be over the moon and unable to speak or begging for him to do something

A human’s flexibility has him totally enraptured, and every chance he gets he will put you into the most questionable, and sometimes uncomfortable, positions just to see the way your body will bend

You merked basically all of his children and annihilated quite a few of his high ranking soldiers; if that isn’t a testament to your strength and worthiness, what is? He thinks it’s extremely arousing, and biology be damned he will figure out a way to breed you so he can have his strongest heirs yet

Fluff

You both make certain auras with your powers, so if you’re ever at different places on his Dreadnaught you send waves of Light and Dark to each other; normal Hive are jarred by the Light you send out until they realize it’s just you and not a massive assault from Earth’s Guardians

When you two sit together, he makes a point of allowing you to rest your hand on top of his or interlock your fingers

Oryx leans over a lot whenever you want to give him a smooch, like damn,  you wanna give him back problems you tiny ass person?

While he definitely isn’t going to understand and will think it’s childish, he does let you decorate his horns occasionally (flowers, precious metals, etc)

Once you get used to it, he has you go with him to check on planets being conquered. Nothing boosts incentive better than having your King and Queen watching your progress! Even if the work is insufficient for his tastes, you can usually dampen punishments; some Hive regard it as human softness, but countless others will grovel at your feet in gratefulness later

You two spend freetime with sword dueling- if you don’t know how to properly fight, he’s more than eager to teach you

He postpones his invasions in the Sol system in regards to your feelings on the subject, but he always has an excuse ready to go; however, give him an inch and he will go a mile. If he’s under the impression that you don’t care enough or prioritize him over your race, he will push his work full force

While he prefers not to, he’ll basically never let you sleep or nap with him; he doesn’t need or want sleep in the same way that you do, so he thinks it’s a waste of time, and he only likes it because of your warmth

Should you try to dip into Hive magic, he will watch your growth with tremendous pride and help where he can, even sending in Wizards with similar talents to help cultivate your skills

Enjoys holding your shoulders and pressing your body close to his in more private moments because it makes him feel big even though you could totally cripple him in a 1v1

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Crooked Timber's Ministry for the Future Seminar

Kim Stanley Robinson's 2020 novel "The Ministry for the Future," is a fierce imaginative work. Robinson doesn't just depict a future beyond the climate emergency and capitalism itself, he depicts the specific, wrenching transition that takes us there.

https://www.orbitbooks.net/orbit-excerpts/the-ministry-for-the-future/

As I wrote in my review, the (variously attributed) maxim "It is easier to imagine the end of the world than the end of capitalism," isn't quite right. Imagining postcapitalism is an easy lift, but imagining the path to that world is *very* hard.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/03/ministry-for-the-future/#ksr

Robinson didn't leap into this project - he's been working up to it for literally decades, at least since the publication of the "Three California" books, which include one of the most uplifting novels I've ever read, PACIFIC EDGE:

https://memex.craphound.com/2015/01/15/pacific-edge-the-most-uplifting-novel-in-my-library/

Meanwhile, his 2312/Aurora/New York 2140/Red Moon novels constitute a kind of rangefinding exercise, starting 300 years the future and then walking his projection backwards to find a plausible route to get there.

https://memex.craphound.com/2017/03/18/new-york-2140-kim-stanley-robinson-dreams-vivid-about-weathering-climate-crisis/

But all these brilliant novels really seem to be warmup exercises for the main event, The Ministry for the Future, which depicts the intermeshed systems of economics, politics, geoengineering, streetfighting and tragedy that might rescue us from dying in our own waste-gases.

It's urgent, frightening and hopeful, raising as many questions as it answers.

These questions are now taken up in one of Crooked Timber's "seminars": a series of interdisciplinary essays about the book, culminating in the author's response.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/03/the-ministry-for-the-future-seminar/

The first of these essays comes from Maria Farrell: "What is Ours is Only Ours to Give," about the digital technology at the core of TMFTF, namely blockchain and independent social media. Farrell is characteristically incisive on these elements.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/04/what-is-ours-is-only-ours-to-give/

Her thoughts here tie back to her notion of the "prodigal tech bro," and how we should treat the tech industry's claims of genius with skepticism - even when those claims are cloaked in confessions of being an EVIL genius.

https://crookedtimber.org/2020/09/23/story-ate-the-world-im-biting-back/

The next essay is Oliver Morton's, digging into the solar geoengineering in TMFTF, and the "sustained contradiction" such an effort might produce - relieving the urgency of addressing carbon production and accumulating new policy debt in the process.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/05/on-solar-geoengineering-and-kim-stanley-robinson/

Morton's a very good choice for this role: his 2016 book on geoengineering, "The Planet Remade," remains one of the best technological, economic and political overviews of the subject:

https://memex.craphound.com/2016/05/04/the-planet-remade-frank-clear-eyed-book-on-geoengineering-climate-disaster-humanitys-future/

Next is Jessica Green's "Can the World’s Bankers Really Save the Climate?" which drills into Robinson's fictional carbon markets, where central bankers are pressed into service to save the planet in an unjust (but rapid and necessary) compromise.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/06/can-the-worlds-bankers-really-save-the-climate/

Green's an expert on climate and finance, so she's as good at spotting the cards that Robinson palms here as Farrell is with tech. Green credits Robinson with identifying the "true sources" of climate obstruction, but thinks he's missed the mark on how to deal with them.

Next is the Roosevelt Institute's Todd Tucker with "Ministry for Your Future Soul": praise for KSR's depiction of the scientific process, scientists, policy wonks, and the progress of policy. Tucker calls Robinson a "Gramscian science fictionologist."

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/07/ministry-for-your-future-soul/

Robinson's "dynamic imagination...makes the book valuable to policy nerds" because "fiction can inform planning," specifically through that exercise of starting with the outcome we want and then working backwards to imagine the steps we need to get there.

This "backcasting" method has many and varied adherents. It's the method that Anonymous used to create its notorious ops, as documented in Biella Coleman's 2014 book on the ensemble:

https://www.spectator.co.uk/article/the-anonymous-ghost-in-the-machine

But it's also the method that Amazon uses for new product decisions: starting by writing the press-release announcement and then working backwards to sell the org on developing the product to go with the press-release:

https://www.inc.com/justin-bariso/amazon-uses-a-secret-process-for-launching-new-ideas-and-it-can-transform-way-you-work.html

Next is Belle Waring's "Sudden Tempest of Ultimate Summer," which goes straight for the political violence in TMFTF, and KSR's seeming discomfort with this violence, coupled with his evident belief in its necessity.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/10/the-sudden-tempest-of-ultimate-summer/

As Waring points out, alongside all the nonviolent tactics Robinson depicts, there is a lot of (mostly offstage) violence - and when that violence is onstage Robinson pivots away from it, subjecting the Davos hostages to Powerpoint presentations instead of a firing squad.

Waring also grapples with the intimate, gendered role that violence plays in the book - the relationship between heroine Mary Murphy and the traumatized antihero Frank May, who holds her hostage, and whom Murphy subsequently dedicates herself to.

The next installment - Half the Earth? - comes from John Quiggin, a trained agricultural economist who delves into Robinson's depiction of a successful "Half Earth" transition in which humans surrender half our planet to other animals.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/11/half-the-earth/

Quiggin is pretty bullish on the possibility of this happening, noting that we have more than enough food as things stand and that human fertility is already below the replacement level everywhere except Africa, where it's still trending down.

For Quiggin, vacating half the Earth is do-able: "We are, suddenly and surprisingly, at a point in history when radical change seems not just possible but likely."

Next is Olúfẹ́mi Táíwò, whose "What’s In Our Way?" - a frank look at how KSR depicts north/south politics, and the realism behind a scenario in which mass death in India leads to little change, while the erasure of LA sets change in motion.

https://crookedtimber.org/2021/05/03/whats-in-our-way/

Táíwò calls this "equal parts fatalism, pragmatism, and optimism," and while he acknowledges its realpolitik, he also calls upon us to imagine something better - led by the global south, rather than the "elite of the elites."

There are three more responses to come: from Henry Farrell, Suresh Naidu and Robinson himself - a contribution I'm eagerly awaiting. Based on my own experience with the CT seminar on my novel Walkaway, this will be an intense project for him.

https://crookedtimber.org/2017/05/10/cory-doctorow-seminar/

For all that the seminar raises serious questions about whether TMFTF can be a roadmap (as opposed to an inspiration) for a transition to a better, sustainable future, the book remains an awesome, towering accomplishment, a beacon and a delight.

What's more, Robinson has walked back his early 2020 idea that TMFTF would be his last novel for an indefinite period while he worked on nonfic (about the Sierras and conservation). He says he's back to writing novels, which is *outstanding* news.

I read TMFTF as I was writing THE LOST CAUSE, my post-GND climate novel about truth and reconciliation with white nationalist militias and plutocrat wreckers.

You can read the prologue here:

https://www.patreon.com/posts/new-decameron-36398964

That book is now done, and reading TMFTF and thinking about its boldness, its brilliance and its flaws made me reconsider my own story. Imagining the end of capitalism remains the hard problem of our future, and Robinson has done sterling work on that problem.

The Crooked Timber seminarians are carrying on the work Robinson started in TMFTF, shoring up its weak spots and calling attention to its sturdy frame. Taken together, the CT essays and Robinson's novel are a heady tonic for a world in transition.

[tenshindon]

Have you gotten Yamcha for the ask game yet? Or Tien? 😊

i have received Neither Chaps !!! So I will now do them both :) Pause on that :) gonna put this under a Read More since This Will Be Long <3

Yamcha:

Give Me A Character and I Will Answer:

Why I like them:

Uhhhh A Lot Of Reasons. Like. A lot. BUT I will be brief and say I like him because as a kid I always thought he looked cool and I always thought his first fight with Goku was radical. With My Big Man Brain Now I love him for just how sincere of a guy he is? And how loving and friendly and supportive? And I make fun of him for it but the wolf aesthetic genuinely is really cool- not to mention how he loves to change up his outfits and hairstyles!

Why I don’t:

I have no reason to hate this man. Like none exists. In The Most Platonic Way Ever he’s literally the perfect man and I would take him home to meet my mom and even then she would be happy with me dating a man if it was Yamcha Dragon Ball.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

I have so many favorite Yamcha moments and ergo episodes good god help me BUT I will name ONE off the top of my head so I’m not stuck here forever and I really love the baseball scene in Z for Many Reasons it’s just so good it plays on loop in my brain 24/7 so I Will Say episode 10 of DBZ :)

Favorite season/movie:

The Tien Saga.... legendary.... yes he did get his leg broken but everything before AND after that??? Immaculate. Perfect. Astounding. No The Tien Saga Is Not Therapy But I Will Use It As Such

Favorite line:

Anything Yamcha says is music to my ears and is pure gold, and aside from The Iconic “Looking good, Tien!” quote from Budokai 3, I gotta say my actual favorite quote??

“No big deal. Bones heal, just like everything else.” -Yamcha to Tien in reference to his broken leg after the 22nd World Tournament

Like. It’s SUCH a simple line but it’s SO telling of Yamcha’s character?? Tien literally broke his leg with no concern of the long-lasting effects of doing so, not to mention his dickish behavior beforehand towards Yamcha beforehand. So for Yamcha to just be ready to forgive him at the drop of a hat when he sees Tien’s seem sincerely apologetic? Dude no one talk to me I’m going to write an essay again.

Favorite outfit:

I Mean This In The Most Platonic Way Part II but Yamcha can make Literally Any outfit and hairstyle look good it should be illegal. However I am legally required to choose One (1) outfit and at this point we should all know how much I adore the desert bandit fit of his. It’s just such a classic and cute look to him (not to mention The Sword <3)

OTP:

Oh You Know :) but if you don’t it’s Yamcha and Tien- even as just Friends They’re So Good I’m Going To Write An Essay like god I want what they have so badly.

Brotp:

I love his relationship with Puar, like I genuinely would love a small arc dedicated to how they even became friends in the first place since their origin together is so mysterious yet intriguing? But aside from The Obvious answer I love his brotherly relationship with Goku and Krillin! Unfortunately that relationship wanes as they all get older but I’ll always cherish the moments where he radiated such Big Bro energy.

Head Canon:

I’ve got a dumb amount of headcanons it’s terrible BUT I think my favorite headcanon is that Yamcha’s leg never properly heals after the 22nd Tournament.

Unpopular opinion:

I. Have a lot. Of unpopular opinions. Just genuinely loving Yamcha’s an unpopular opinion in of itself BUT One of my unpopular opinions is that Yamcha’s a flirt, a cheater, and promiscuous. If he’s ever portrayed as a flirt towards women, I can give it the smallest pass in the world that he’s trying to cope but even then that’s such a stretch in my opinion- and I guess this is on top of being a headcanon but Frankly I don’t think Yamcha’s ever even kissed anyone- he’s playing the long game everyone he’ll get his kiss on his wedding day btw that’s like. Partially a joke; I joke around a lot that Yamcha’s Super dedicated to the whole Nothing Until Marriage idea lmao.

A wish:

For the love of God Yamcha pack up your shit and Puar and just move in with Tien your apartment’s shit.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Honestly? I kind of don’t want Yamcha to get a girlfriend? But I also DO because he wants that the most in life and it’d be great to see SOMETHING nice happen to him!

My only gripe with him getting a girlfriend (and hopefully then a wife) would be that his girlfriend wouldn’t be that well defined of a character and she’d just be said in Passing Mentions.

5 words to best describe them:

Perfect, immaculate, loyal, courageous, lovely 

My nickname for them:

Furry, Dumpy, and Wolfie!

Tien

Give Me A Character and I Will Answer:

Why I like them:

Again I Have A Lot Of Reasons BUT I love how like. Deceiving he is as a character. Like ask anyone and 90% of the time people will say Tien’s smart and serious and No Bullshit but no he is exactly the opposite he’s dumb as shit in any department outside of farming and fighting and he’s such a lil’ jackass when breathing next to Yamcha. 

Sincerely though, I absolutely love his character development- it’s one of my favorite arcs in Dragon Ball to be honest but That’s An Essay For Another Time. I also love how funny he can be, intentionally or not, and he’s surprisingly really relatable at times? And just his dedication to fighting’s really neat too; at this point he MUST know he can never be stronger than Goku but he still tries nevertheless and that’s really indicative of his bullheaded personality.

Why I don’t:

You could not pay me to dislike him I’d sell my kidneys for Tenshinhan.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

Any episode from the gang’s escapades on King Kai’s planet good lord save me. That’s where Tien’s existence shines the best it’s so good.

Favorite season/movie:

His own saga man like. As much as I LOVE Redeemed Tenshinhan I also love how much of a jackass he was like why was he like that LMAO

Favorite line:

Again, aside from The Iconic x2 “Looking good, Yamcha!” quote, I gotta say it’s:

“Yes... sir! <3″ -Tien preparing to strike Goku with the volleyball fist during the 22nd World Tournament.

Also “I left Chiaotzu and Yamcha behind. This seems too dangerous for them.” -Tien to Gohan during the Resurrection F saga

Favorite outfit:

Like Yamcha, Tien’s outfits always hit. Not a SINGLE one misses. BUT I gotta say I love his classic tits-out look- more so for the fact I like how he shows off his scar as a kind of way to say he’s moved on from the Crane School like Damn Son you love to see it :,) Deep reasons aside, my second-favorite outfit’s got to be the Buu Saga listen man everyone just had the Hottest outfits in the Buu Saga you can’t blame me.

OTP:

Oh You Know :)

Brotp:

Tien has Two (2) friends in his life man the pool’s small but even if it WAS larger I would say Chiaotzu anyway LMAO. Love them dudes man.

Head Canon:

Tien is just. Terribly academically and socially stupid. The Social Ineptitude isn’t even a headcanon that’s just fact but when I said he’s stupid in every department But Fighting And Farming I meant it. Flirting with Tien is a nightmare. If you’re not Yamcha or Chiaotzu joking with him is a headache. He’s only smart in the vocabulary department other than that he couldn’t tell you how many planets are in the solar system. He’s dumb as rocks but is smart enough to convince everyone around him he’s smart because he knows what picayune means.

Unpopular opinion:

I have nothing but love and respect for Krillin, but it makes like. No sense to insist Krillin’s the strongest human on earth. Tien does not go hard on that grind 24/7 just for everyone- writers included- to reduce him to such trash when fighting. But why pit two kings against each other you know?

A wish:

Please just give him one good sexy fight that’s all I’m asking for. Also Tien PLEASE use the solar flare you dumb motherfucker YOU INVENTED IT??? Actually all of my wishes are fighting related but yeah Tien for God’s Sake acknowledge how crazy your move kit is and fuck it UP MY GUY.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Tien please don’t get a random wife I fortunately cannot see that happening but for the love of God Toei if you make that happen I will actually commit arson. Any other fear I could have either has come true or cannot happen.

5 words to best describe them:

Deceivingly smart dumbass I love

My nickname for them:

Headass, Slap Head, My Man/s, Bald Motherfucker, Polyphemus Headass (I know Polyphemus is a cyclops but shush), Four Arms, Machamp, Stitch, Roach, King, and Ikea Dresser

[southparkhateblog]

Okay so. I actually have too many screenshots to share. Some of it is seriously impressive.

CHARACTERS AND COSTUMES: The sheer amount of characters/ variations of characters really blew me away! Of course, I can name several characters that are missing, but they let you play as some seriously obscure ones. Obviously, you can play as any of Stan's, Craig's, or Wendy's main friend groups. But then, you can also play as: Any of the 4 Goths, BRIMMY, Pip, DOUGLAS, Damien, FOSSE, Christophe, Gregory, Terrance (Mephesto), DAVID (Rodriguez), Kevin (both Stoley AND McCormick), Ike, LEXUS (Raisins), Shelly, and Scott (Malkinson). Besides the kids, you can also play as several adults and parents from the show, but no where near all of them (for free). Chef is there and so is Trump Garrison. You can even play as Towelie. There are also costume variations of characters that are already available. With the exception of Timmy and New Kid, pretty much all the major SOT and TFBW characters are playable. There are kindergarten versions of the main 4. Some real surprises were: Tapdance Butters, Choir Boy Butters, Little Red Riding Kyle, Solar System Kyle, Vampire Kyle, Raggedy Andy Stan, and A.W.E.S.O.M.E. -O.

PAID FEATURES: That isn't even going into the paid characters because holy shit. There are a lot more. Some that really surprised me are: cupid Cartman, Mr. Hankey, Kyle Schwartz, Mr. Kitty, Sparky, Imp Tweek, New Jersey Kyle, Youth Pastor Craig, Hermes Kenny, and a few more costumes from Phone Destroyer. There is even that girl in the pink parka that died in the sledding episode. It seems like there is a paid option for making your own OC, I'm curious about the customization for that, but I'm personally not paying just to try it.

OUTDOOR LOCATIONS: Again, holy shit. I was really blown away. There is the school, the main neighborhood, Stark's Pond, the community center, Raisins, the Wheel of Fortune Studio (...for some reason), the mall (with a KFC and Toys R Us), a sewer, Jimbo's Guns, Skeeter's Drinks, Freeman's Tacos, a post office, an office building (from one of the games), Tom's Rhinoplasty, the movie theater, Tweek Bro's Coffee, the park, and the basketball court. There are also a lot of houses, and a few of them include the settings from SOT, like Kupa Keep, the Elven Kingdom, and a tree house. I don't even think I explored the whole map.

INDOOR LOCATIONS: Okay, the game seems a bit unfinished at first, but even in locations that are still pretty bare, the floorplan is definitely laid out! Like, if you walk too much around the school, there are parts that just look like the backrooms, but you can tell it's more of a work in progress. And, despite how empty some places are, a lot of indoor locations were definitely crafted with care! In fact, aside from the school, mall, community center, and most of the houses, most of the locations are fully furnished to look like locations in SOT. It's actually really well done and impressive.

CENSORSHIP: Obviously, the player chat is censored from Roblox's chat rules, but I'm talking about built in-game stuff now. I thought it was really funny that they have the Fingerbang costumes for the main 4, but obviously they can't say that word in Roblox, so they had to abbreviate it as FB, which at first I thought was about the Facebook episode. Another thing I noticed is that Captain Diabetes is named "Captain Nice" for some reason, so I assume maybe Roblox didn't allow that name?

ACTUAL ROLEPLAYING: Ngl, this is the part I was most curious about. Roblox is full of kids and obviously no one can use the vocabulary of an actual South Park character, nor can they openly discuss the same subject matter. (No idea what Towelie could possibly talk about in a game full of IRL kids.) I honestly didn't hang around the other players for too long. They all kind of group right inside the school, with a few more by the lockers. The rest of the map is empty of players, besides an occasional explorer. I hung around other players just long enough to put together what they talk about. Unsurprisingly, most of it seems to involve shipping and flirting, and most of that isn't vulgar at all by SP standards. Just "Oh he's blushing", "I love Kyman", "your gay", and "go make out in a bathroom stall". However, there is some drama and troublemaking too. While I was there, a Randy Marsh walked in to the school and he was immediately accused of getting Mrs Cartman pregnant. The Eric Cartman character was mad about it. And I guess "f4" is the closest he can get to saying fuck.

IN CONCLUSION: With how big and detailed the map is, it is kind of a shame that everyone just gathers in the school and argues. I think it is because the map is so big and there are only two places to teleport. Most people probably don't even know about the Raisins, for example.

About to find out what happens in Roblox's most popular all-ages-permitted South Park roleplay game. Will report back with information and possibly screenshots. 🫡

[jbbatterychina11]

Charging below freezing additional induces a cell imbalance, stresses the can be mitigated with a well-designed charger. Leading Chinese manufacturer of customized lithium-ion battery packs is now providing custom lithium-ion battery packs designed for golf carts. Deciding between battery pack formats is determined by what basic type battery pack you need and different restraints set by your specification sheet, particularly form factor. Others, like the standard of cluster format are better a dissipating heat. In addition to automotive uses in electrical and hybrid vehicles, the Orion BMS can be utilized in stationary installations similar to solar or wind storage batteries and UPS techniques. Leading staff has more than 15 years of lithium battery subject work expertise, has rich administration expertise and extremely excessive team cohesive drive. Production course of strictly based on the ISO/TS16949 high quality administration system, ISO9001 high quality management system.

Reuse, Recycle & REPURPOSE is the ethos of Second Life EV Batteries Ltd. We are the first UK firm to concentrate on the sale of second life lithium EV cells & modules for EV enthusiasts, home & business applications.Custom EV battery pack

A further drawback is the shortcoming to estimate battery capacity, the main well being indicator. After cost, the studying all the time exhibits 100% even if the capacity has dropped to 50%. Li-ion Multi-cell Packs require voltage monitoring of every cell, present limiting and thermal management.

The most dependable method is through the utilization of a spot welder to attach the cells with steel strips from terminal to terminal. Some elect to construct their very own spotwelders, but when you’re just trying to get your car rolling, this would be thought of as unnecessary yak shaving. Either method, once the cells are linked, individual leads could be added to the varied cells for connection to a battery management system, or BMS – a board that displays the individual voltages of the cells within the pack.

Configuration - The configuration of the battery pack includes both the cell rely and the way they are arranged both in a sequence or in parallel, or in a mixture of both configurations. Charging time - Charging instances can be important depending on the appliance of your custom battery. Keep the end-user in mind - how a lot friction will it cause for every additional hour of charging time? Cost - The whole price of the battery pack ought to be what you find desirable, not what you expect Battery Bro to supply. If you aren't sure what a realistic final price will be, be at liberty to go away the fields blank. A output - that is the whole present your battery pack will have the ability to provide. Your battery pack construct should begin after you answer these preliminary questions for your self.

You could make a customized pack of any dimension according to your requirement.It's like fixing a puzzle. Place the first parallel group of cells optimistic side up, then place the second parallel group adverse facet up, and then finally the final parallel group positive aspect up. Earlier I actually have made a Solar Power Generator which is working really nice till now. The primary weight of the Solar Generator is because of the heavy lead-acid battery inside it.

The apparent difference being that a lot of the different chemistries will tolerate a subtle overcharge, simply burning the excess away as heat. You float a lead acid’s voltage barely higher than would theoretically be needed for a full cost, and the cells that get full first will slowly drain off the surplus while the others catch up. Many a hacker has checked out their scooter, bike, or skateboard, and determined that it would be even better if only it had a motor on it. Setting out to electrify one’s personal transport could be an exciting and productive journey, and one which guarantees to show many classes about mechanical and electronic engineering. Fundamentally, the key to any build is the battery, which has the utmost say in phrases of your vehicle’s efficiency and vary. To assist out, we’ve prepared a helpful guide on choosing the best battery on your wants.

[homespork-review]

HOMESPORK ACT 5 ACT 1: Mobius Double Plusungood, Part 1

CHEL: Yes, Act 5 Act 1; here begin the “act acts”. Just go with it.

FAILURE ARTIST: Welcome to Act 5 a.k.a. The Act Everyone Skipped To So They Could Get To Those Grey Demons. While I was a reader before Act 5, I wasn’t a huge fan until this part. The trolls are a great species. Different enough to be fascinating, but not different enough humans can’t relate. And what exactly is in their pants? That’s for the fandom to figure out.

BRIGHT: And fandom accepted the challenge with enthusiasm.

CHEL: Also, they’re fuggin’ adorable. It took me a while to get used to nonhumans in the sprite style and I thought they were creepy-looking at first, but we also see them in the more noodly style used in the dramatic moments with the kids, like the fall of Prospit, and that helped them grow on me a lot.

FAILURE ARTIST: The Act starts off with a grey planet with a green moon and a pink moon. A prompt box like the one for the Kids’ introductions is above it. In the box are letters in a script blatantly stolen borrowed from The Elder Scrolls games and turned 180 degrees. (Later on, when Hussie made a game that people paid money for, he couldn’t exactly use a stolen font so the team made an all-new font. But the old font is probably in the print books). Anyway, in case you’re curious, the letters spell out “Turdodor Fuckball”. This is the wrong name, and the right name is…Trollplanet. Though it’s called Alternia in the flavor text below and everywhere else.

So starts the arc called Hivebent. We cut to CG in a very grey room flapping his mouth occasionally at nothing. He’s introduced much the way John was.

This young troll stands in his respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the 12th bilunar perigee of the 6th dark season's equinox, is the day of this young troll's larval awakening, also known as his wriggling day. Though it was six solar sweeps ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name! Six Alternian solar sweeps, for convenient reference, is equivalent to thirteen Earth years. Earth, also for convenient reference, is a planet that does not yet exist. What will the name of this young troll be?

However, like Dave, he attacks the prompt box. He doesn’t want to do all the little gags and patterns.

CHEL: Thank God!

FAILURE ARTIST: This Hivebent arc will go much faster than the four acts before it. No dawdling along for this species. There’s twelve characters to be introduced and characterized before this is done.

CHEL: That said, it’s still going to be much, much longer than the others.

FAILURE ARTIST: So, CG’s name is Karkat Vantas. All of the troll names have a 6-6 pattern and are usually named after astrological and mythological motifs. Karkata is the Sanskrit name for the constellation Cancer and Vantas...is a prostate cancer treatment drug. Don’t look at me, I didn’t name him.

CHEL: It’s also possibly connected to “vanitas”, relating to Karkat’s simultaneous arrogance and lack of self-worth.

FAILURE ARTIST: Today is Karkat’s wriggling day. Let’s meet the birthday boy. He loves movies, though the narrator says he has terrible taste. In his room, there’s edited posters of “50 First Dates”, “Serendipity”, and “Hitch” that makes them look like troll movies, including lots of small type for the title. Like John, he likes to program but he’s not good at it. In fact, he’s so bad his programs are basically computer viruses. He wants to join a military organization called the THRESHECUTIONERS when he grows up. His weapon of choice is the sickle, possibly as a counterpart to John’s hammer.

He chats with his friends on a new program called Trollian, which is a reference to the real-life chat program Trillian. Fans forget that Trollian was a new program, except for Nepetaquest where the plot revolves around the making of that improbable software.

CHEL: Which begs the question of how they communicated before. Most of them don’t seem to have met each other in real life yet. Obvious answer is a different chat program, but in that case, why draw attention to Trollian being new instead of just having it be how they communicated from the start? It doesn’t really add anything IMO.

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, talking with his friends drives him BATSHIT UP THE FUCKING BELFRY, which is a very human phrase.

The first prompt Karkat gets is to examine the slimy pod in his room. This pod is a recuperacoon and serves as a bed. Trolls need that slime to help assuage the terrible visions of blood and carnage that plague the dark subconscious of your species. Why do they have these species-wide bad dreams and how does slime help? It’s never said.

CHEL: The slime appears to be a form of drug, possibly a sedative. In Hiveswap we see it also has minor healing properties. Why trolls would have evolved to consistently suffer nightmares isn’t brought up here, but there are possible explanations later.

FAILURE ARTIST: Actually, after Act 6, recuperacoons aren’t mentioned. Also, oddly enough, the narration says sleeping is done nightly but we later learn trolls are nocturnal. The terms night and day aren’t used consistently in Hivebent.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 20

Karkat gets into the pod, but immediately regrets it. He changes his clothes (off-screen of course) into clothes that look exactly the same. This is because Trolls think fashion is stupid.

Next, he examines his movie posters. Turns out trolls have their own version of John Cusack, among other celebrities. Troll Adam Sandler is his favorite actor and one person he doesn’t want to do violence against. In his narration, he thinks Sweet Baby Jegus though Jegus isn’t actually a thing in troll culture.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 21

Karkat tries to captchalogue his sickle and we get some more sylladex hijinx! His modus becomes too heavy and literally falls through the floor. I thought picking up weapons was different from captchaloging stuff? We’re told these hijinx won’t last long and eventually Karkat trades his modus with his hacker friend. Good. For now, he just picks up the big black book on his dresser.

The big black book is about a programming language called ~ATH and for some reason is in Roman script. It’s a morbid little language and there’s a cartoon figure of the Grim Reaper and a fake (or real?) quote from Troll Will Smith. Karkat finds this language incredibly hard. There’s probably some sick programmer jokes I’m missing here.

CHEL: There’s one I’ve been informed of; ~ is called a tilde, so the name of the program is “tilde-ath”, or “till death”. I can’t say I recognise any others though.

FAILURE ARTIST: Karkat steps outside. He lives in a huge grey and red house (or hive) in a suburb as sterile as John’s. Trolls create their own homes as toddlers after beating the trials in the brooding caverns. First hint of how harsh Alternia is, yet everyone has their own housing which is sweet.

It's almost as if your people have placed great cultural importance on teaching children to become architecturally adept while very young. It has been this way since ancient times. No one seems to know why that is.

Hmmm…

Karkat almost has a poetic moment while looking out at the moons, but he rejects poetry. He also rejects mailboxes, which trolls don’t have because they have no mail.

CHEL: Do they mean no paper letters because they all have internet? I recall that they do receive packages.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think they have courier service but no dedicated government postal system.

So instead of poetry, Karkat talks about AMBITION. He wants to be something great but he doesn’t know what exactly. We’ll see where this character arc takes him.

We get a little detail about the Alternian calendar and it concludes with “You have a feeling it's going to be a long night.”

Karkat goes back inside. He checks out a Game Grub magazine with a disgusting image of a leaking grub and a DVD for his favorite television show. The show is THE THRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR, which is a take-off on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air but is about a green threshecutioner cadet who sasses up the bluebloods in his flaysquad pretty good. The “green” and “blueblood” parts aren’t turns of phrases but literal. Given the strict hierarchy we find out trolls are under, it’s amazing there’s a series about a sassy subordinate. Maybe he’s only sassy in Karkat’s mind.

CHEL: Actually, that’s not too unbelievable.

FAILURE ARTIST: The title of the show doesn’t follow the convention of troll movie titles and that’s because 1) television is a newer medium and 2) it would ruin the joke.

Finally, Karkat gets down to business on his computer. His first friend to “troll” him has a purple Capricorn sign. Now, this friend is a character that though I’m now quite attached to, I didn’t much care about them in the beginning. I’ll try to be objective though.

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] TC: wHaT iS uUuUuP mY iNvErTeBrOtHeR? CG: WHAT IN THE SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK DO YOU WANT. TC: NoT a MoThErFuCkInG tHiNg BrO. TC: oThEr ThAn I bE cHeCkIn OuT hOw My BeSt MoThErFuCkIn FrIeNd Is At Yo.

Yes, my first thought too was “that’s a really annoying typing style”. Karkat agrees and complains about TC’s typing style. TC temporarily goes all lowercase but says it feels uncomfortable. Karkat complains more about how awful TC is and wonders what he did to deserve such a terrible friend. Instead of being offended, TC says friendship is beautiful and confusingly calls it a TrOlL dIsEaSe. We’ll see some stuff that suggests trolls don’t have friendship or at least don’t consider it in high regard but mostly trolls have friends like humans do.

BRIGHT: Despite his protests, Karkat has eleven friends, in a society that is not set up to facilitate this. I’m pretty sure that when I was his age I had maybe three.

FAILURE ARTIST: TC waxes on miracles like the carbonation in a bottle of Faygo. Yeah, trolls have Faygo.

CHEL: That’s a gag, though, so no WSP point.

FAILURE ARTIST: Karkat tells him that’s just carbonation but TC rejects science as just stealing the magic from miracles.

CHEL: It comes up more clearly later, but we’ll tell you now that TC’s entire character at this point, especially that line, is basically a shoutout to the Insane Clown Posse song “Miracles”.

Watch on YouTube

FAILURE ARTIST: After some more bantering, TC gets down to business: TA is going to play a game. Karkat says he’s not interested but TC says TA is Karkat’s best friend, which is sad when you consider TC calls Karkat “best friend”.

CHEL: TA, if you don’t remember, is twinArmageddons, the computer programmer.

FAILURE ARTIST: TC gets distracted by a horn going off and even types out a surprised yell. Karkat tell TC to get rid of the horns and TC says “MaN yOu KnOw YoU wAnNa GiVe My HoRnS a GoOd SqUeEzE. :o)” which sounds really flirty. Karkat says if he meets a kid as annoying as TC, he’ll convert to TC’s religion. TC is happy about this. With that, the conversation ends.

We cut to TC and he’s a motherfucking clown, baby! But I’ve already re-capped so much and need to give someone else a turn.

CHEL: Okay, I shall step up! TC’s actual name proves to be GAMZEE MAKARA, and he’s wearing a purple Capricorn sign. The name Gamzee was picked by a forumite as a reference to another user who went by Gammy, but it may also be a reference to “Gämse”, the German name for the chamois goat. Makara is the Sanskrit name for Capricorn, and also the name for a type of creature from Hindu folklore which would include the Capricorn sea-goat. There are several other layers of possible and probably-coincidental meaning listed on the Wiki, which we’d have to bring up spoilers to discuss, so we’ll save that for later.

Beyond his name and sign, Gamzee has clown makeup, explosively curly hair, long spiral horns, and a slightly glazed expression. Nightmarish pictures of evil clowns plaster his walls, his floor is piled with bicycle horns, juggling clubs, and Faygo bottles, and an oversized unicycle is propped against the wall. When he picks up a Faygo bottle and his “husktop” computer, his MIRACLE MODUS is seen, a hideously complicated mishmash of various styles which flickers and spins obnoxiously. Even Gamzee doesn’t know how it works, he just likes to watch the colours.

FAILURE ARTIST: Gamzee belongs to a RATHER OBSCURE CULT that believes in a BAND OF ROWDY AND CAPRICIOUS MINSTRELS who are CLOWNS OF A GRIM PERSUASION WHICH MAY NOT BE IN FULL POSSESSION OF THEIR MENTAL FACULTIES. Basically, he’s a Juggalo who worships the troll equivalent of Insane Clown Posse. Though the cult is called obscure and said to be looked down upon, later it is shown to be a state-sponsored religion. I guess maybe it’s just Gamzee’s particular denomination that’s looked down upon.

CHEL: “Obscure” also means “hidden”, so the retcon could be justified in the sense of it being mysterious? Or it might be related to spoilery Hiveswap theories. We can get into those if we ever get round to Hiveswap.

Gamzee attempts to ride the unicycle, but fails - unsurprisingly, since it’s taller than he is and he attempts to ride it by standing on the saddle. He falls off into a pile of horns, and decides instead to sample the luridly green pie on the counter, which turns out to in fact be made of the same SOPOR SLIME that trolls sleep in.

You aren't supposed to eat that slime. It does funny things to a troll's head. But you were never taught that on account of a lousy upbringing. Your custodian was always out to sea.

Gamzee arms himself with a juggling club to use against the alleged hostile SEA DWELLERS and heads out to wait for his missing guardian.

FAILURE ARTIST: His hive appears to not have a front door so I don’t know what’s keeping the hostile sea dwellers out.

CHEL: Someone contacts him online and he intends to settle down with a Faygo and answer, but he doesn’t know how to retrieve things from his miracle modus. Gamzee performs a short prayer to your beloved MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS, the faces of the two members of Insane Clown Posse superimposed over the background, and throws a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST in his face. We never find out what exactly “special stardust” is; it appears to just be glitter, but it comes up much later. His attempts fail, however, as the modus instead launches his Faygo miles out to sea.

You wonder if you can just... Just sort of reach over... And...

Apparently the sylladex modus can be physically reached, so there was no need for the endless pages of shenanigans in the first place. *quiet rage* But anyway, gallowsCalibrator is trolling him.

FAILURE ARTIST: GC asks G4MZ33Z if he’d like to play G4M3Z3Z with her. He replies "hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!" She says something very tsundere in reply:

GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S! GC: BUT 1M GONN4 GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON 1M 4SK1NG YOU 1S B3C4US3 YOUR N4M3 1S L1K3 G4M3 GC: 4ND NO OTH3R R34SON GC: G3T 1T??? >:]

Gamzee isn’t offended she said this and GC gets annoyed he’s always rolling with the punches. She says that’s why Karkat can’t stand him. Harsh in hindsight. GC gets down to business and tells Gamzee they are going to H4V3 SOM3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SH1TTY B1TCH3S PL4Y1NG TOG3TH3R. He asks if they could play later because he’s waiting for tHe OlD gOaT (which happens to also be a nickname for Satan).

TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY. GC: NO, NOT R34LLY! GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP TC: Oh YeAh... GC: DURRRRRRRRRRRRR GC: W4Y TO GO, HOW DO3S TH4T STUP1D BOTTL3D SYRUP OF YOURS T4ST3 W1TH YOUR HOOF SO F4R UP YOUR MOUTH??? GC: >:] TC: sOoOoOoOrY.

This is the first time we find out GC has an unusual homelife. Yet it isn’t true that she has no family.

BRIGHT: And given how rarely Gamzee’s guardian is around, it’s not like he has much of a family either. Or a standard homelife.

CHEL: That’s also an... excessive response to a slip-up, but from what we see later, that’s how almost all the trolls talk to each other all the time.

FAILURE ARTIST: It’s also problematic, because she’s doing an ableist imitation of the speech of people with mental disabilities. Though I suppose trolls aren’t meant to be PC.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

Gamzee suggests GC play with Karkat instead. She rejects this idea and says she used to play with him but he got too annoying. Gamzee then agrees to play and says give him a minute. She says he’ll just space out and that’s what he does. When he gets back into the conversation, he makes a second faux pas.

TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn? TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT... TC: SoRrY. GC: >:[

People really get on this but it’s just the regular type of mistake people make while talking to blind or sight-impaired friends and he did apologize. Other characters say worse and never apologize. Some readers who know what happens later might attribute malice but right now he’s just a guy who does a lot of troll pot and makes mistakes.

CHEL: I know when I was eleven the blind kid in my class and I had a sort of running gag of “see you later”. It also isn’t very clear whether either of them is actually hurt by anything the other is saying. They don’t seem to be.

This is also probably a time to bring up certain things about Gamzee’s cultural coding. Even though we later find out he’s one of the highest-ranking trolls, certain cues about him would make people think of a lower-class human, namely his syntax, his eating semi-inedible substances (lack of access to other food?) and his love for cheap gross soda. (I’ve drunk Faygo. It’s weird.) This could just be a troll thing not being exactly the same as human things and also down to his guardian not being there, but there’s more.

Gamzee’s word usage involves a lot of quirks which are usually associated with African American Vernacular English, e.g. addressing others as “brother” or “sister” and using “be” instead of “am” or “are” or just leaving them out completely. His hair is probably supposed to look unbrushed, but it can also be interpreted as textured. His religious behaviours get described with the word “voodoo” a lot, and while this is a bit of a stretch I personally interpreted his typing and syntax as a Southern drawl plus he lives close to water, thus cementing an association with actual Vodoun in my head even though his actual practices aren’t anything like it. While the members of Insane Clown Posse, the band which inspired a lot of Gamzee’s behaviours, are both white, rap is a strongly black-associated musical style, and Gamzee is later shown to be interested in rapping. Stereotypical juggalos are white, but culture considers them to be worthy of mockery because they’re white people behaving in ways associated with black people. Add in his absent male guardian, drug use, and acting “trashy” when he’s one of the richest trolls, and this all adds up to a very clear mental image of him as a not-very-flattering portrayal of a black person. Coding a nonhuman character strongly with a human racial group isn’t a problem in itself, but when it comes off as supposed to be funny, it’s not exactly SU Garnet levels of good representation, is it? The fact that Hussie, prior to Homestuck, was known for drawing some incredibly racist comics (also including rape, abortion, and drug jokes, so be warned) doesn’t help; we won’t add points for those because we’re judging HS on its own merits and it’s possible for people to change and regret prior prejudices, but it sheds new light on things that’ll come up.

Individual CP points for his language, his hair, his voodoo association, his rapping, his Disappeared Dad, his drug use, and his being coded as poor despite not being so, I think. None of these would be bad on their own or portrayed as less “look at how funny/creepy this guy is”, but...

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 26

BRIGHT: The first time I read Homestuck, I didn’t realise that Gamzee was meant to be disliked until somewhere in the middle of Act 6. I thought his situation was sad, but Gamzee himself seemed pretty nice, if dopey and not terribly motivated. I still quite like him. Did anyone else find something similar?

CHEL: Yeah, me. I thought he was pretty adorable.

FAILURE ARTIST: Gamzee suffers from abuse in the form of neglect. Though his guardian is arguably not quite responsible, it’s still abuse. As a result, Gamzee eats a dangerous substance and it’s probably why he lets people walk all over him. This is more obviously bad than Dave’s homelife. Yet it’s not ever dealt with and is even mocked. Hussie says in the annotation for this scene that there weren’t actually hostile seadwellers and Gamzee’s guardian just said that to keep Gamzee inside because he was ashamed of him. We find out later that seadwellers ARE hostile. This bit about Gamzee being gaslit is probably a joke then about how embarrassing Gamzee is. Yet isn’t it abusive to make up threats to your children to keep them isolated? Lots of fans consider Gamzee embarrassing too and so don’t see anything in this.

BRIGHT: Not to mention that it’s pretty fucked up to say Gamzee deserves abuse for being embarrassing, when that neglect and abuse is the reason he acts the way he does in the first place!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 19 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 30

CHEL: One CP for the “humorous” drug use and another each for the “joke” gaslighting and neglect, and another for the illogical justification. Wow, that count’s really starting to spike already! And I think now might be a good time to introduce another count…

IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 1

This will be used whenever the author is clearly showing a lack of respect to the characters or situations that he himself created, in this case by setting up an abusive situation and mocking it when we’re supposed to have sympathy for another abuse sufferer.

BRIGHT: Depressingly, it gets worse later. Significantly worse.

CHEL: Not to mention, if Gamzee’s supposed to stay inside and his guardian’s absent all the time, and trolls “don’t get mail”, how does he feed himself? Even with the sopor, where does that come from? Is it just secreted by the pod or what? Does the pod need to eat? We’re never told. In Hiveswap, the sequel game, we do see that trolls can receive packages, but I would class packages under “mail”, so saying trolls don’t have it is needlessly confusing.

We cut back to Karkat, doing some coding which I’m sure would be very amusing if I knew the first thing about coding. Apparently the biggest problem with ~ATH is the near-impossibility of terminating its infinite loops.

What many ~ATH coders do is import finite constructs and bind the loops to their lifespan. For instance the main loop here will terminate on the death of the universe, labeled U. That way you only have to wait billions of years for it to end instead of forever. You have bound a subloop to the lifespan of the code's author, which is you. Any routine at the end will execute when you die.

So apparently coding is literally magic in this ‘verse? This is backed up by a code sent by TA:

This code, when executed, immediately causes the user's computer to explode, and places a curse on the user forever, along with everyone he knows, and everyone he'll ever meet. Not surprisingly, later on you would run this code in a fit of stupidity.

FAILURE ARTIST: The Internet is magic, why not programming?

BRIGHT: I think the coding is a pretty nifty thematic fit with the whole concept of SBURB! If you’ve got a video game that can affect reality, it’s reasonable to extrapolate that coding can do something similar, even if only by piggybacking off the Game’s infrastructure. And once they get into the Medium, it makes even more sense.

CHEL: True! In the meantime, TA trolls Karkat. Karkat’s speech pattern is remarkably similar to Dave’s, except infinitesimally less wordy and much angrier.

TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people. CG: WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT THAT. TA: becau2e you fliip your 2hiit about everythiing. CG: WELL WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS. CG: HERE IS MY SHIT, AND YET IT REMAINS UNFLIPPED.

*snerk*

CG: JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SKILLET, GETTING BURNED ON ONE SIDE. CG: IT'S A MIRACLE. TA: oh no are you iinto miiracle2 now two becau2e iif you are youre fiired preemptiively from the game. CG: FUCK NO. TA: ok niice. CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR. TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do. CG: THAT'S WHY HE HIDES THEM, THEY'RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING. CG: GOD LAUNDERS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

Very Judeo-Christian concept of God for an alien species.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 22

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s seemingly no other troll religion but Gamzee’s cult and that has dual gods, not monotheism.

CHEL: Anyway, TA is setting up a game of SBurb, or SGRUB as the trolls call it, which he made from 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2. Karkat hasn’t been told about this by AA, whom he deems “SO SPOOKY”, and whose full handle seen in the chat roll is apocalypseArisen - spooky indeed and thematically appropriate. Mention is made of TA’s WEIRD MUTANT BRAIN; exactly what this means isn’t described yet except that it doesn’t mean he can read Karkat’s mind. TA refuses to elaborate on what he’s discussing with AA on the grounds that it’s private, and this leads into an insult-exchanging session.

TA: nobody hate2 hiim2elf more than you iidiiot. CG: YEAH WELL I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING. CG: IN FACT I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF AND YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU HATE ME COMBINED.

Karkat calls a timeout long enough for TA to explain how they’re playing the game; he intends there to be two teams, Red and Blue, 2o that there2 a better chance of at lea2t one group wiinniing. Karkat agrees this sounds sensible, but flies off the handle on finding out that TA and GC are the team leaders, not him. Karkat spews insults and accusations of cheating, while TA snipes back. This is presumably the moment depicted in this page’s art, in which Karkat yells angrily and flails wildly at his keyboard.

CG: HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COCOON IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU'RE THE WORST THING A UNIVERSE WAS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR? CG: ALSO IT MUST BE HARD WITH YOUR HANDS TO PERSISTENTLY BOTHERING EVERY MUTATED SET OF GENITALS PEPPERING THAT GHASTLY HUSK YOU PAWN OFF AS A BODY. CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.

As later pointed out, trolls reproduce bisexually, so why he specified females here is odd. There is a fan theory I’ve seen that TA is straight, as he’s only seen with female partners and rejects a possible male one, but Karkat demonstrates in a later conversation that he has no concept of gender preference, so if TA is, Karkat doesn’t know that. I guess he could mean that he himself has looked at TA without becoming a vomit volcano, but I doubt that was what Hussie was thinking since it isn’t clear if they’ve ever actually met face to face.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 23

Anyway, TA tells Karkat that he’s laughing at Karkat’s immaturity, and that if he really wants to be Red Team leader, he should talk to GC.

CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT. CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore.

Okay, that’s adorable. But anyway, after seeing their conversations, you can see what we mean when we say it’s apparently normal for trolls to say horrible things to each other, so why fans and Hussie himself single out some instances and not others is stupid.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 20

FAILURE ARTIST: It’s another example that trolls do have friendship, though possibly not the same way humans do.

Also, though he’s not doing it to her face, Karkat is insulting GC’s blindness. Which is not just problematic but also silly given that her blindness is a super-power.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 31

After a quick panel where Karkat worries about an encounter with a “CRABBY” someone downstairs, we cut to GC. She is in a very colorful room, unlike Karkat’s grey one, and surrounded by stuffed dragon toys. On her wall is graffiti of a dragon and disturbingly a noose. Photorealistic books are piled on her desk. She’s introduced and we finally get her name: TEREZI PYROPE.

Terezi is the word for “Libra” in multiple languages, but it also might be a reference to the gender-bending blind prophet Tiresias. Pyrope is a type of red garnet and she does love red a lot.

Terezi lives alone deep in the woods (which does raise the question of how she gets all her stuff in a mail-free planet). She loves dragons, including the plushie series called SCALEMATES.

CHEL: Her walls are also decorated in the scales of dragons, which actually do exist on Alternia. Libra. Scales. Geddit?

FAILURE ARTIST: She likes roleplaying and once did a more extreme type until she had an accident that’s not explained at the time. Her big interest and motivation is JUSTICE and she wants to be a LEGISLACERATOR when she grows up. She doesn’t need TROLLBRAILLE (does such a thing exist?)...

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 24

... since as we know she has special powers. Alternian law is called BRUTAL and indeed it’s so terrible I have to side-eye Terezi for loving it.

CHEL: She claims to love JUSTICE, but Alternian law has very little to do with justice of any kind, as we see when she decides to start roleplaying it with her toys.

On Alternia, there is no such thing as a defense attorney, or a defense. In a courtblock, the word defense itself is offensive.

Not to mention the judge, a chalk depiction of whom adorns her wall, is known as HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY.

Also, do thirteen-year-olds regularly roleplay with their plush toys? I guess ones who are isolated from all actual life forms they could play with instead might.

FAILURE ARTIST: Terezi’s scenario this time is the trial of SENATOR LEMONSNOUT, played by a yellow scalemate. Given that Alternia seems to be an absolute monarchy, I wonder where she gets the concept of senators.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 25

Terezi stares down the yellow plush toy before she starts slapping it. She fantasizes about the toy crying tears. The yellow plush toy’s crime is embezzlement, using a currency called imperial beetles. Whether this is a real currency or something Terezi made up we don’t know.

CHEL: As we see later, she’s using a bag of literal beetles in the game. Not sure if they are currency, if she went and caught them, or if trolls can buy them in bags.

FAILURE ARTIST: If you are reading this comic sometime post-2015, there’s two choices. One of them is [???????] Ignore that choice. It becomes relevant only much later. For now, we go to Terezi calling a witness.

Unfortunately, said-witness is a green plush who has been stabbed by a photo-realistic dagger. Apparently, defense attorneys are verboten but murdering witnesses is expected. Alternian justice, everyone.

BRIGHT: It might be moderately less batshit if we assume that Terezi’s obtained all her legal knowledge from TV, movies, and books, and this is a dramatic embellishment rather than the way Alternian trials actually function. She does live on her own in the middle of a forest, after all.

On the other hand, this planet is inhabited solely by children, the over-the-top cruelty is entirely in keeping with Alternia so far, and I don’t think we ever see any of it contradicted.

FAILURE ARTIST: Terezi finds a bag of beetles and that’s all that’s needed to sentence the “criminal”. Her method is to flip a coin called a caegar that has two-heads on it, one of them with a cut on it. The narration says this is like Two-Face from the Batman comics and the villain of the movie No Country for Old Men, though those media don’t exist in the troll universe. Still, trolls have the same trope. She flips the coin and though the result is favorable to Lemonsnout, Terezi declares she can’t see the coin because

SHE'S BLIND, REMEMBER?

She “kills” the stuffed toy by hanging it, like she’s done with many of her stuffed toys. We see now she lives in a tree house (or hive) in a blue and purple forest.

CHEL: In most media, a character being set up like this would be a villain or set up for a heel-face turn, or at least a massive source of conflict over the differing moralities of the different societies. We’ll see if anything ever comes of that.

FAILURE ARTIST: She finishes up by licking her chalk portrait of His Honorable Tyranny. Weird kid.

She gets her weapon (a photo-realistic cane as used by real-life people with vision impairment) and gets down to recruiting members for her team. Her first target is AC, short for arsenicCatnip, who appears as a speech bubble with the Leo sign in olive. The narration says Terezi likes to roleplay with AC, but only facetiously. Terezi and AC roleplay as a DRAGONYY'YYD and some type of big cat. Terezi tries to eat AC’s cub but AC bribes her with an animal called a BULL CHOL3RB34R.

CHEL: AC types with a symbol like this at the front :33 < and with a heavy spurrinkling of cat puns. From what she says about her character, the type of cat in question has two mouths, and it’s later stated that :33 is in fact supposed to be a cat face, one mouth atop the other. The evolutionary or indeed anatomical usefulness of this feature is unclear. Perhaps it’s so they can bite down on prey and vocalise to communicate at the same time? That would be more useful for a pack hunter… Anyway.

FAILURE ARTIST: That done, Terezi asks AC to play a game and has to clarify she means outside of the game they are already playing. AC is interested but she says she has to get purrmission from a certain guy. Terezi thinks it’s ridiculous AC is scared of him because she kills big animals with her bare hands and lives far away from him. AC knows it’s ridiculous but she still wants to get permission. The relationship looks bad now but we later find out it’s part of troll society and it’s odd that Terezi thinks AC is motivated by fear. Anyway, AC says she’ll ask the guy and the conversation ends on that.

CHEL: I don’t know if Hussie either had come up with the relationship system or even decided if those two were going to have a relationship at this point. If he did, he might not have meant them to be in that relationship yet at this point, they could have started it later. It’s not really clear. Not a problem, though, serial writing develops that way sometimes.

FAILURE ARTIST: Terezi trolls Gamzee but thankfully it cuts off before we have to re-read the entire conversation. Next, Terezi has to deal with Karkat. She doesn’t want to ask him to play except as a last resort.

However, Karkat trolls Terezi to tell her he’s the leader of the Red Team now. Terezi doesn’t care though since she just wants to play the game. Karkat says she’ll be second-in-command but Terezi’s sarcastic reply turns him off the idea. The two insult each other and Terezi mock-flirts with Karkat.

GC: 4NYTH1NG TO G3T YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY CG: WHAT'S A BABY. GC: OH GC: 1TS L1K3 4 MYTH1C4L L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y

CHEL: Once again, babies only come in Caucasian, apparently. Also, doesn't the word "baby" apply as an adjective to non-human species all the time?

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 26

FAILURE ARTIST: We find out that Terezi is not supposed to have a LUSUS and if she did, the world would come to an end. Karkat is also confused by this statement. Karkat blames the trees for her weirdness and offers to move her into one of his neighbor’s hives. One of his neighbors has been CULLED (killed) and Karkat is blase about this. Terezi turns down his offer. Karkat excuses himself to DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER.

We cut to a little later. Karkat’s hive is covered in colorful paint and in the middle of a lake of red. This is the LAND OF PULSE AND HAZE and Karkat is the KNIGHT OF BLOOD. Karkat now has the weapon HOMES SMELL YOU LATER, a sickle in 90s colors. He trolls Terezi and complains about how she wrecked his home. Another running gag: girls ruining boy’s homes. He says she messed with his LOAD GAPER. Terezi (and us) call that a toilet. Toilet is blue blooded vernacular. Later on, highbloods use the term load gaper so I guess Hussie forgot this interesting world-building. Karkat is also upset by the paint job that wasted lots of grist. Terezi calls his fighting adorable and Karkat says it’s ADORABLOODTHIRSTY. He wants to be the next one to connect to a client and she says it doesn’t work that way. It’s only at the end he brings someone in. The priority now is to save her from the meteors by getting her in the game. Karkat hadn’t heard of the meteors until now and is very alarmed. Terezi tells Karkat to talk to apocalypseArisen, twinArmageddons, AG, or CT. There’s a conspiracy going on with those four people. With that, Terezi says she’s got to go.

CHEL: Also, an important point comes up in that conversation; Terezi demands to know what colour Karkat’s blood is, and he refuses to tell her. In case you haven’t picked it up by now, troll society is in fact supposed to be stratified by the colour of their blood. Literal blue blood is towards the higher end of the rankings; Terezi’s on the greener end of blue, so securely middle class. Karkat types in and wears grey, which is not a natural troll blood colour, and the other trolls consider this weird and suspicious. Looking at the list of names on Trollian, we see they range through the rainbow, except for some reason the greens, blues, and purples are split into several layers. I was confused by this at first; I knew he needed twelve colours instead of seven, but it seemed weird that they weren’t more spread out. Then again, social stratification does get a lot stricter up at the top. I thought perhaps the reds, browns, and yellows also come in other shades but just get lumped together because they’re peasants and no one cares? It’s not discussed in canon, but someone actually does have an explanation for it; it’s what you get when the RGB and CMYK colour wheels overlap.

A little while ago, a spooky-looking young troll lady with glowing white eyes and a maroon Aries shirt sign - this being the colour of apocalypseArisen, so this is presumably her - hovers over a frog-topped temple extremely similar to the one on Jade’s island. With a wave of her hand, the frog’s head breaks off and crashes to the ground.

You're not sure why you did that, really. There'll probably turn out to be a reason. There's a reason for everything. Understanding this lets you be reckless.

Somewhere else, Gamzee’s Faygo bottle, now photorealistic, lands at the feet of a mysterious someone who is wearing striped pants and what appear to be blue and purple bowling shoes, of all things. This person complains about Rubbish from the LAND DWELLERS and picks up the bottle with a hand wearing a purple ring emblazoned with an Aquarius symbol; the name in that colour text in the chat, should the reader go back to check, is caligulasAquarium.

FAILURE ARTIST: How fucked up was troll Caligula? Maybe he just broke troll taboos.

CHEL: The implication of him having an aquarium is making me picture Troy McClure.

We go back to Karkat’s hive and rewind a little, to see him deal with the earlier-mentioned crabby customer…

And we need to provide the text from this page in its entirety so we can discuss it.

FAILURE ARTIST: If you want to know why Homestucks go so crazy over buckets, read this and weep!

You go downstairs and confront your custodian, which is another term for a frightening beast known as a LUSUS NATURAE. Your lusus has looked after you since you were very young in lieu of any biological parents, whom you have never known. No young troll ever knows his or her blood parents, nor could such lineage ever be accurately traced. Adult trolls supply their genetic material to the FILIAL PAILS carried by imperial drones and offered to the monstrous MOTHER GRUB deep underground in the brooding caverns. She then combines all the genetic material into one diabolical incestuous slurry, and lays hundreds of thousands of eggs at once. The eggs hatch into young larval trolls which wriggle about to locate a cozy stalactite from which to spin their cocoons. After they pupate, the young troll with his or her newfound limbs undergoes a series of dangerous trials. If they survive, they are chosen by a member of the diverse and terrifying subterranean monster population native to Alternia. This creature becomes the troll's lusus, and together they surface and choose a location to build a hive. The building process is facilitated by CARPENTER DROIDS left on the planet to cater to the young. But only for building. They're on their own otherwise. The vast majority of adult trolls are off-planet, serving some role in the forces of ongoing imperial conquest, besieging other star systems in the name of Alternian glory. The culture and civilization on the homeworld is maintained almost entirely by the young. Trolls sure are weird!

CHEL: “Lusus naturae”, to start with, is Latin for “freak of nature”. Probably it means something else in Alternian.

FAILURE ARTIST: The lusus system is so bizarre. How long have they been using it? When we see what could be called a Bizarro Alternia, they also have lusus, so it’s not just because adults can’t raise children.

CHEL: Naturally-evolved symbiosis and parasitism are hardly unknown among animals on Earth, though no real ones really work like this. The closest I can think of among vertebrates are cuckoos and similar birds, where the egg is laid in another species’ nest and the hatchling kills or starves out the original offspring. This isn’t what’s happening here, as the lusus doesn’t have offspring of its own and wouldn’t appear to have any particular reason to let a young troll latch onto it, not to mention young trolls presumably look nothing like the offspring of a creature like that, and lususes/lusi (I don’t think there’s an officially accepted plural? The fandom latched onto the very non-Latin but suitably alien “lusii”) come in wildly varying species, so it’s not a case of a specific two-species symbiotic bond like clownfish and anemones. However, trolls do have psychic powers, so it could always be handwaved with a form of mental link.

BRIGHT: Bizarre as it is, the lusus system is nicely alien! I think that in this case, the lack of explanation actually works in its favour -- there’s nothing to point to and say ‘but that explanation doesn’t make sense’. I do like a good explanation, but in the case of background worldbuilding I think it’s fine to chuck something in and move on.

Also, we now discover that Jade had a perfectly normal childhood by troll standards. (Er, minus the murderous neighbours.)

FAILURE ARTIST: The narration says the “vast majority” of adult trolls are off-planet. This implies some small percentage of adults are on-planet. In the spin-off series Hiveswap Friendsim, there are characters on Alternia who get into, well, adult situations. The writers on Twitter clarified that there are trolls who are over eighteen Earth years but under the age of expulsion on Alternia. In one game, there’s adults who should be off-planet but aren’t, though how many trolls risk that is unknown.

CHEL: The age of majority in numerous Earth cultures is or has been twenty or twenty-one, so that’s probably what the writers were going for. Or, of course, just trying to avoid backlash from the Tumblr anti-shipping population. There are also cases where adults really should be on-planet but don’t appear to be, but we’ll get to that in the Friendsims.

I have to say I’m rather concerned by what appears to be a serious bottleneck in the reproduction system. According to everything we see, there is only one Mother Grub for the whole planet. What happens if something happens to her? Replacements are bred in the same way as queen bees or ants, but destroying the cavern where she resides would put a major crimp in troll society for a long time even if there was a replacement around. With ants and bees, there is generally more than one hive per species.

BRIGHT: We do meet one Virgin Mother Grub later on, and she’s acting as a lusus. I always assumed that there were at least a few around, otherwise having one potential backup breeder taken out of the pool should have raised a lot more fuss than it apparently did.

Moreover, while the Brooding Caverns aren’t described in Homestuck, they are described in Friendsim, and it is literally a single giant cave with the Mother Grub in the middle, surrounded by grubs, young trolls, and lusii. In one of the game routes, the Mother Grub is in fact injured by a distressed lusus, which would be easily prevented by having her in a separate room. There are apparently no barriers to an outsider just wandering in, and given that this is Alternia, said outsider could probably do quite a lot of damage if they so chose.

CHEL: Particularly since most lusii are extremely dangerous, and there are a hell of a lot of them there. It’s also been brought up in the Tumblr parts of fandom that it would be incredibly easy to rebel against the dystopian regime by taking the Mother Grub hostage or destroying/damaging the caverns.

FAILURE ARTIST: Karkat fights his lusus like the human kids fought theirs, but without a cool animation. It’s just a gif and a link to a 38 second tune. You’ll notice in the background on the fridge there’s a crude drawing of the crabby creature: a callback to John’s drawing.

We cut to TA, the troll we saw earlier get bonked by a key. TA has his glasses off and under them are a red eye and a blue eye. He puts them on dramatically in a reference to the CSI: Miami meme everyone has forgotten. After a long Dave-like block of text describing how this dude is cool but not cool, it turns out we won’t be introduced to him.

Cut to a troll with a green Leo sign on her shirt and horns that look a lot like cat ears. She looks cute but there’s blood on her walls. The narration is unnerved by her so we go back to TA.

TA’s name is SOLLUX CAPTOR.

CHEL: The name is taken from the mythological twins of the Gemini constellation, Pollux and Castor. The combination of sol-lux could also be read to mean “sunlight”.

FAILURE ARTIST: Behind him is what looks like a computer mainframe but covered in a yellow substance. On the wall, there’s red-and-blue writing. His recuperacoon has two openings, though it’s never even brought up why.

You are apeshit bananas at computers, and you know ALL THE CODES. All of them. You are the unchallenged authority on APICULTURE NETWORKING. And though all your friends recognize your unparalleled achievements as a TOTALLY SICK HACKER, you feel like you could be better. It's one of a number of things you SORT OF BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT for NO VERY GOOD REASON during sporadic and debilitating BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS. You have a penchant for BIFURCATION, in logic and in life. Your mutant mind is hounded by the psychic screams of the IMMINENTLY DECEASED. Your visions foretell of the planet's looming annihilation, and yet unlike the typical sightless prophet of doom, you are gifted with VISION TWOFOLD.

I used to think “imminently deceased” meant “recently deceased” and not “going to be deceased”. Either way, it’s really a Blessed With Suck power.

Lots has been made of Sollux’s BIPOLAR MOOD SWINGS but I don’t think Hussie was seriously thinking of bipolar depression. Still makes for good fanfiction.

CHEL: Please don't use "bipolar" to just mean moody, Hussie.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 32 You have developed a new game, adapted via CODE PARSED FROM THE RUNES AND GLYPHS IN AN ANCIENT UNDERGROUND TEMPLE. You believe this game to be THE SALVATION OF YOUR RACE, though you are not sure how yet. To ensure success, you will distribute the game to two teams of friends, a RED TEAM and a BLUE TEAM. You will lead the latter group.

One guess what this game is. We also see “friends” being used in the normal human sense.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 27

The prompter tells Sollux to equip ninja stars, but it turns out he has psionic powers that allow him to move objects with a purple aura. However, in moving the ninja stars, he messes up and slices the BEEHOUSE MAINFRAMES. Little purple bees buzz around him and send him messages in beenary code. The prompter tells Sollux to taste the honey but he refuses.

You do not under any circumstance eat the MIND HONEY. The consequences are highly unpleasant.

Remember that. The mind honey is only supposed to be a soporific for his lusus.

Sollux snaps his fingers (spelling out 2NAP in his quirk) and the bees fall asleep.

CHEL: I only just noticed the “2nap” = “to nap” pun.

BRIGHT: Also, while Sollux does have psychic powers, those powers are not related to animal control. So this is a little strange.

FAILURE ARTIST: Sollux goes to his computer while stepping over video games, which in this world are colorful grubs. He first talks with Terezi. She knows about his game to save the world and immediately picks the Red Team. He wonders how she knew there would be a red team but she says it’s easy to guess he would make a red team and a blue team. This observation annoys him and he goes on a rant.

TA: maybe iim more of an aubergiine guy plu2 whatever that putriid color is you type wiith, what ii2 that, turqoii2e?

I have a headcanon he can only see red and blue and that’s why he doesn’t know what color Terezi types in. Considering his society is based on color this would be quite a disability.

CHEL: I’ve also seen headcanons he’s colourblind and struggles to remember which colours go where on the hemospectrum, as at one point he complains about how yellow is the lowest on the totem pole apart from something he can’t remember, while talking to someone who’s lower. (It’s actually third from the bottom.)

FAILURE ARTIST: They then talk about how this game will save the world. He isn’t sure how but he says AA can back him up on this. Terezi thinks he’s right...mostly. He says before this is done he will die twice and go blind, but he figures that’s what happens to a prophet of doom. He compares this to an angel getting its wings and we find out trolls consider angels to be feathery demons. Terezi wonders if this doom-and-gloom isn’t just part of his brain problems. He is offended by this reasoning and compares it to clown pieing, which in retrospect is scarier on Alternia than on Earth. He tells her to talk to AA and Terezi says AA hasn’t been the same lately. Sollux and Terezi say they’ll take the game seriously but they also goof around about it.

We cut back to the spooky troll from before. She kicks the frog statue so hard it all breaks off.

The prompter tells Sollux to deal with apocalypseArisen, the spooky troll we just saw. AA asks Sollux if he set up the teams, but without a question mark. He says he’s working on it. He asks if she’ll be happy to get out and leave the voiice2 behind. He says it would suck to have them stay until death, a statement which will become very ironic. AA says she’s 0k with a l0t 0f things...including their failure masquerading as victory. Sollux is angry at her pessimism. He gets more angry when he finds out the game will actually wipe out their people. He says he refuses to be team leader, but she says he was never going to be that. He threatens her with psionics and says he could do things that would make [her] head 2piin liike dervii2h iin a fuckiing blender which makes me wonder how trolls have Sufism.

CHEL: How many humans know where the term comes from? I could buy it as Translation Convention regarding, say, a clown cult thing, although everything seems to imply the trolls are speaking ���English”. Still, the idiom comes from human Western culture, so...

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 28

FAILURE ARTIST: She says she’s coming up, which only confuses Sollux.

He goes and tells Terezi and then Karkat that the Game has been aborted. Terezi is confused but doesn’t say much. Karkat accuses Sollux of trying to kick him out. Karkat declares the friendship cancelled, showing again trolls have friends. Karkat insults Sollux’s programming skills and threatens to run ~ATH. Sollux tells him not to be Karkat doesn’t listen.

TA: KK DO NOT RUN THAT CODE. TA: hello?????????????? carcinoGeneticist's [CG'S] computer exploded. TA: oh my god.

That is some amazing chat program.

The explosion kills Crabdad. Turns out that code causes the death of ALL of Karkat’s friend’s lusii. Each lusus gets prototyped, which seems heartwarming but turns out very bad for their session. We see Gamzee mourning his Goatdad’s death by harpooning in a moment that’s very sad, even considering how terrible a parent Goatdad is.

CHEL: And here I want to go back to Gamzee for a bit. The commentary, as we mentioned, says that Goatdad “told” him to stay indoors and was ashamed of him. However, in the actual comic, everything is set up to show the lusii as being non-sapient, i.e. not able to talk to their charges and not in possession of a concept of shame. They behave like regular animals, Sollux says his is dumb enough to walk right off the roof if not tethered, and the trolls go on repeatedly about how happy they are to have prototyped their lusii because now they can actually communicate verbally with them for the first time, as Rose did with Jaspers. This is similarly inconsistent in the later-written Pesterquest games, which we’ll get to eventually. So either Hussie forgot that lusii aren’t the same as parents…

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 29

… or he claimed they were sapient when they weren’t before, solely to use them to bash Gamzee.

IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 2

FAILURE ARTIST: Back to Sollux. He tries deleting all his computer viruses, but there’s one he can’t delete. It has a flashing billiard ball next to execute. It’s set to go off after the universe ends and even Sollux doesn’t know what it does. The narrator does know.

When executed, the subprogram will summon an indestructible demon into the recently voided universe. This monstrous being with the power to travel through time is inconvenienced very little by his arrival upon THE GREAT UNDOING. He has the entire cadaver of the expired universe to pick apart at his whim. From its birth through its swelling maturity and tapering decay. In a reality he is known to have marked for predation, he will go about assembling followers through various epochs, even going as far as personally establishing the parameters for his future summoning. Sollux couldn't know that the virus is essentially a formality. The demon is already here.

Sollux hears grumbling noises coming from the ceiling. His lusus, a BICYCLOPS, is kept chained to the roof of his COMMUNAL HIVE STEM and regularly fed and fought.

CHEL: A bicyclops, later also referred to as a biclops, is a roughly humanoid being with two heads, each with one big eyeball. A hivestem is basically a block of flats, made out of a giant hexagonal tube-like structure with small grey hive-homes built into the sides. I can’t tell if it’s supposed to be the literal stem of some kind of gigantic plant or not. Pretty cool if it is.

FAILURE ARTIST: In the night sky, there’s a few meteors. Turns out AA is floating outside.

We cut to GA wielding a chainsaw while riding a moth-like lusus against a colorful background. She lives in the middle of the desert in a home like Jade’s. However, we aren’t introduced to her.

BRIGHT: There are giant colourful sails attached to the towers. I’m not sure how practical that is, but it has definite flair.

FAILURE ARTIST: Instead, we are introduced to AT. His name is TAVROS NITRAM. He turns out to be a wheelchair user. I think this was ascended fanon based on his love of flying. How well Homestuck treats this disabled character we’ll see. His lusus is a little bull with wings. He’s surrounded by playing cards, stuffed animals, and posters of fairies. A lance is leaned against his wall.

CHEL: “Tavros” obviously derives from Taurus, and might also be from Davros, a wheelchair-using Doctor Who villain. Nitram is “Martin” backwards, which according to the wiki might be connected to Mary Martin, an actress who played Peter Pan, or Martin McGuinness, an Irish politician whose planned prosecution was codenamed Operation Taurus. It might also derive from nitrate, which causes “brown blood disease” in fish.

You are known to be heavily arrested by FAIRY TALES AND FANTASY STORIES. You have an acute ability to COMMUNE WITH THE MANY CREATURES OF ALTERNIA, a skill you have utilized to CAPTURE AND TRAIN a great many. They are all your friends, as well as your warriors, which you pit in battle through a variety of related CARD AND ROLE PLAYING GAMES. You used to engage in various forms of MORE EXTREME ROLEPLAYING with some of your other friends before you had an accident. You like to engage in the noble practice of ALTERNIAN SLAM POETRY, possibly the oldest, most revered, and certainly freshest artform in your planet's rich history. You have a profound fascination with the concept of FLIGHT, and all lore surrounding the topic. You believe in FAIRIES, even though they AREN'T REAL.

The name of his lusus may be ascended fanon too, if I’m remembering correctly. Its name, mentioned later, is Tinkerbull, and it’s the cutest thing ever I want a million of them.

Tavros is prompted to Cut to the chase and play card games immediately, and picks a Pokemon ripoff called FIDUSPAWN. He deals himself a favourable hand and lobs an OOGONIBOMB, a jelly-looking blob, at the HOST PLUSH. The Oogonibomb hatches into a terrifying face-hugger-like monster, which latches onto the plush, then scuttles out of the way in time for a larger monster to explode out of said plush.

BRIGHT: Alternian card games sure are something!

HORSARONI, I CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!

CHEL: Horsaroni devours the fidusucker face-hugger in preparation for battle, and Tavros uses his awesome bestial communion abilities [to] bend the ferocious stallion to [his] whim while Tinkerbull looks on nervously. Tavros succeeds in getting the beast under control, and… gets it and Tinkerbull to take a nap together. Everybody wins.

FAILURE ARTIST: He plans on making Horsaroni have sex in the future. Whoa boy.

CHEL: The prompt tells Tavros to roll up the ramp which leads to the top of his rather high recuperacoon, and to hop in, which he does, followed by much reasonable complaining about how it’ll take an hour for him to change his clothes, plus the four-wheel device rolls back down the ramp without him. Also, it’s noted that his horns make it impossible to get fully inside the cocoon, which makes it hard to get any solid shuteye. So, wait, trolls can breathe while fully submerged in the slime? There’s no elaboration as of yet, but it’s possible Hiveswap will discuss that.

FAILURE ARTIST: This slapstick with a disabled character is unfortunate. Terezi never had to deal with this bullshit.

CHEL: Not to this extent, anyway.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 33

After much cleanup which we thankfully don’t have to read through, he gets back in his chair and picks up his JOUSTING LANCE.

FAILURE ARTIST: We get a look outside of Tavros’ hive as he thinks about his future plans. He lives in a windmill by a cliff and in his yard he has a practice dummy with...is that a pail???

CHEL: Considering trolls’ opinions of pails, I hope it’s a trashcan, but the bucket thing might be a retcon for the sake of humour.

FAILURE ARTIST: Anyway, he hopes to be a CAVALREAPER when he grows up, if he isn’t culled (aka murdered) for his disability. Rather optimistic of him to think there’s a chance he won’t be culled. I think this is when we first find out about Alternian eugenics. Odd that it didn’t come up when we were introduced to Terezi.

BRIGHT: Terezi’s disability doesn’t really impact her ability to function, though. Her smellovision is accurate enough to let her read and she doesn’t have any trouble moving around. Tavros’s disability is clearly an actual disability that hinders him in a lot of ways. Given Alternian society as we’ve seen it so far, Terezi might be fine. Tavros would need assistive measures and that makes him a write-off.

There’s also the matter of personality. Terezi tends to be confident; Tavros generally isn’t. Add in Terezi’s midblood status to Tavros’s lowblood position, and it makes sense for it to come up now.

FAILURE ARTIST: Tavros admires his fairy posters, including one saying “ Pupa Pan” with a silhouette of a winged troll. This is the troll version of Peter Pan and their one also includes “indians”, just they are “weird aliens”.

CHEL: Can’t say I’m too pleased about that, personally.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 33

FAILURE ARTIST: I don’t know if Andrew Hussie read Peter Pan but when I read it it felt very Hussie. Anyway, Tavros keeps his bedroom window open for Pupa Pan and splashes SPECIAL STARDUST on his face. The same substance Gamzee uses? Hmmm.

Andrew Hussie takes a jab at the fanon he decided to ascend:

You have had this interest [in flying] far prior to your accident. Being paralyzed isn't what made you want to be able to fly. That would be dumb and would make no sense. Being paralyzed does sort of make you want to be able to walk, though.

CHEL: Uh… haha? Are we supposed to laugh here, or feel bad, or what?

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?:21

FAILURE ARTIST: We find out in Friendsim that terrestrial flight is verboten, though Hussie probably didn’t think of that until much later.

We cut to the future briefly to see Tavros has robot legs. Because it would be terrible to have a disabled character just remain disabled! /s

CHEL: To be fair, they’re in a world which has the technology to make near-perfect robotic limbs and he wants to be able to walk again. One could argue that having that technology is problematic in terms of it being an easy handwave, but since they have intergalactic spaceships it might seem somewhat weird if they didn’t have robot parts. The existence of prosthetics in a society which kills its disabled as standard is a bit odd, but not impossible if they have whole robots. Though it begs the question where he got the wheelchair.

BRIGHT: Well, it could be that prosthetics aren’t standard, this is just a special situation. He doesn’t get them until after he’s entered the Game, after all.

CHEL: Disturbingly, and perhaps more fittingly for troll society, the legs were fitted after his real ones were removed via chainsaw, apparently sans anaesthetic.

GORE GALORE: 11

BRIGHT: It kind of looks like he got chainsawed through the waist. If that is the case, then a lot of important organs would have been mangled and would need replacing — at least if he was human. We don’t know anything about how troll guts are laid out, but there’s no reason to believe they’re radically different to the human setup.

CHEL: None of the troll gang appear to be medics, either. How is he not dead?

FAILURE ARTIST: The legs were built by an unnamed male character who likes to break as well as make robots.

Occasionally though, he will allow philanthropy to override misanthrobopy.

Misanthrobopy. I didn’t notice that until now.

GA was the one to chainsaw Tavros, with the male character watching in the shadows. That character has the Sagittarius sign and a broken horn. We learn his name later but never how he broke that horn.

BRIGHT: Which is also a point in favour of getting prosthetic limbs being somewhat unusual — Tavros only gets his because an acquaintance with specialised knowledge takes an interest.

FAILURE ARTIST: So, back to the present...of the past. Tavros is being trolled by both Gamzee and someone known as AG. He deals with AG first. With this, we get our first dialogue from Homestuck’s most Homestuck character. AG, or arachnidsGrip, brags about being on the Blue Team and mocks Tavros for being on the team full of 8lind girls and lame 8oys and cranky iiiiiiiim8eciles. Tavros says they’re probably right, but then says he promised someone not to talk to them. This person turns out to be Tavros’ imaginary friend Rufio, the personification of his self-esteem. GA was the one who gave him the advice. While that’s not a bad coping mechanism, he really shouldn’t be telling AG about it. AG complains about GA’s meddling and says GA was just making fun of Tavros with that advice. AG complains about how long it’s taking for the Blue Team to get going. In the end, AG says it will be like old tiiiiiiiimes and gives a winking emoticon.

After that conversation with a frienemy, Tavros raps with his friend-friend Gamzee. Gamzee apologizes for zoning out, but unlike everyone else who talks to him Tavros isn’t angry. Awww…

Tavros shares the good news that they are both on the Red Team, though Tavros says it came from someone he doesn’t want to talk about. Gamzee had already heard and he’s very excited. Tavros does an }:o) emoticon and Gamzee is tickled pink that Tavros “stole his nose”. That might be flirting among trolls. They make plans to “slam” but first Gamzee explains the Game plan. Terezi has connected to Karkat and now Gamzee has to connect to Terezi. However, she’s off in the woods doing something. For now, Gamzee has to get Tavros connected to him. He says something that I’ve seen people point to as a sign he’s bad to the bone.

TC: sO jUsT dOwNlOaD tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR i'M sEnDiNg YoU sO wE cAn KiCk ThIs BiTcH dOwN tHe StAiRs.

This is probably a callback to Dave getting kicked down the stairs and not a conscious callback on Gamzee’s part. Really, usually when Gamzee says “bitch” it’s just another way of saying “thing”. He’s not kicking anyone down the stairs. Not yet.

Then again, he later says:

TC: JuSt LeT mE sNeAk Up On ThIs BoTtLe Of FaYgO aNd SnAp ItS nEcK lIkE iM a FuCkIn LaUgHsSaSsIn.

So he is a little sinister.

CHEL: Hardly any more so than Terezi the hanging fetishist, though!

BRIGHT: Or the guy who codes viruses that blow up his friends’ computers.

FAILURE ARTIST: After all the foreplay for their rap session, the dialogue ends with:

You both then proceed to have one of the worst rap-offs in the history of paradox space.

Only much later do we see this rap-off. We also find out Gamzee’s feelings towards Tavros. Yet this conversation alone was enough to sail that ship.

We cut to Terezi in a burning woods. This is where we find out what the deal with Terezi’s “family” is. Her lusus is a giant teal egg on an even larger DOOMSDAY SCALE. Inside the egg is a blind dragon. The dragon can communicate telepathically via dreams. It was how Terezi learned to “see” after the accident. This answers some questions while leaving so many unanswered. Like why does Terezi sleep in her street clothes?

CHEL: Balanced on the other side of the scale is a gargantuan skull with troll-like horns and a sort of goat-y shape. We’ll see the kind of creature it comes from later.

FAILURE ARTIST: Terezi dreams of Prospit, and we see it as she “sees” it: gauzy and throbbing.

Her lusus hatches from the heat, but is immediately killed by a meteor. A sympathetic ally puts it in the kernelsprite and that sympathetic ally is clown boy. So put that on his scorecard.

With the egg hatched, the doomsday device displays 6:12. The arc number for this arc.

CHEL: Karkat’s “wriggling day” is 6/12, which actually makes him a Gemini rather than a Cancer. Guess it’s different for trolls.

FAILURE ARTIST: Finally, we are introduced properly to AA. The one with the inconsistent horns.

Your name is ARADIA MEGIDO.

CHEL: “Aradia” is the name of a “messiah” of witchcraft in Charles Godfrey Leland’s “Aradia, or the Gospel of the Witches”, effectively a piece of paganism fanon. “Megido” is derived from Mount Meggido, the place from which the word Armageddon is derived and where the final battle of said event will supposedly occur, and a powerful spell in the video game Shin Megami Tensei. It might also be related to “Meido”, 冥途 めいど, the Japanese equivalent of Purgatory, and “meido”, メイド, meaning maidservant, relevant to her low blood status and later her game class.

You once had a number of INTERESTS, which in time you have LOST INTEREST IN. You seem to recollect once having a fondness for ARCHEOLOGY, though now have trouble recalling this passion. It nonetheless has led you to find your PRESENT CALLING, which came through the discovery of these MYSTIC RUINS on which you presently stand, and which you recently DESECRATED OUT OF BOREDOM. Guiding you to this calling were the VOICES OF THE DEAD, which you have been able to hear since you were young. The voices have become louder as THE GREAT UNDOING approaches. This trend in escalation began after an ACCIDENT involving a CERTAIN KIND OF ROLE PLAYING, which might have been another of your interests once upon a time. It doesn't matter much anymore. The accident resulted in the DEATH OF YOUR LUSUS, which prompted you to leave your home and take up these ruins as residence. On the instruction of your ANCESTORS, you have recovered MYSTERIOUS TECHNOLOGY from the ruins, and convinced a friend to adapt it into a GAME THAT WILL BRING ABOUT THE DESTRUCTION OF YOUR CIVILIZATION. And by convinced, you suppose you mean tricked.

CHEL: She chooses to try to take something from her sylladex, but it works on the OUIJA modus, which means she can only take what the spirits allow her to take.

BRIGHT: This has to be the weirdest, most senseless modus yet.

CHEL: They produce a card with the Crosbytop, which she found on a dig a while ago. GA’s trying to contact her.

She's always bugging you. Bugging and fussing and meddling. What's her deal! You guess it's flattering that she wants to talk to you so much though. You're ok with it. You're ok with a lot of things.

She answers, with an “0h n0000000” on seeing GA, who asks if this is “The Night You Blow Everything Up”.

GA: Is There Nothing I Can Do To Change Your Mind AA: n0 AA: 0r yes AA: yes theres n0thing AA: and n0 y0u cant AA: but y0u sh0uldnt pretend as if y0u believe this has anything t0 d0 with the state 0f my mind AA: 0r the decisi0ns it will make 0r has already made GA: Yeah I Guess Not GA: I Thought Id Be Friendly Though GA: And Remind You That You Do In Fact Have A Hand In All The Terrible Things That Are About To Happen GA: Because Thats What Friends Are For GA: And The Fact That What Ensues Will Be Terrible GA: Is An Immutable Fact I Am Stating For The Record GA: And The Fact That We Will Not Be On The Same Team Is Similarly Immutable GA: It Does Not Mean That Teamwork Is What Isnt Taking Place Here AA: s0rry i didnt f0ll0w that GA: Ill Be Here To Help GA: If You Need Me AA: 0k AA: thanks

Honestly, this is giving me shipping ideas which will only make sense once more about trolls has been explained. Pin in that.

BRIGHT: How does GA know it will be terrible?

CHEL: Stay tuned. We’ll find out.

Aradia checks on Sollux and has the conversation we already have seen, which is linked back to instead of copied, thank goodness. Huss seems to have mastered that part of the timeline. Aradia arrives at his hivestem and levitates the Bicyclops, while meteors begin to fall, and AG trolls her. AG is revealed to be female and seen in silhouette; she has a blue Scorpio symbol, one pointed horn, one forked one, and long hair. Remember this character for later.

AG: Do you have Mr. Two Eyes all 8efuddled and flustered in your we8 of lies? AG: Or Mr. Four Eyes? AG: Hmmmmmmmmm. AG: I don't know. Which nickname do you think would 8e suita8ly derogatory in this case Aradia? AA: h0w ab0ut AA: eight eyes AA: minus seven AG: ::::P

FAILURE ARTIST: God, I love Aradia. Though I guess if you’re reading this for the first time you won’t get her jab here until later.

CHEL: Aradia protests that she didn’t trick him. AG says it doesn’t matter, and declares that once the game starts she and Aradia will be the Blue Team co-leaders, only asking afterwards if this is okay with Aradia, who doesn’t care. She tells Aradia she has a present for her, “Just from me. From me alone and no8ody else”, and wants a special team name for just the two of them, which Aradia doesn’t want to bother with.

AG: I just thought it would 8e really fitting. AG: Kind of like a fresh start, you know? AG: I don't know, what are our shared interests? I guess I never really thought a8out this! I guess I'm used to thinking of you as the enemy. There must 8e some overlap in profiles. AG: Come oooooooon, let's 8rainstorm! AA: 0_0 AG: Man, it'll 8e great. We'll 8e unstoppa8le. Surely you must admit it will 8e nice to re8ound from the Team Charge de8acle! AA: i never think ab0ut that anym0re AG: Oh maaaaaaaan, I'm so dum8! Here I am running my mouth and opening up old wounds, while at the very same time trying to make amends! What an idiot.

I hope AG’s fans are not stupid enough to assume she was sincere on that last line, but it wouldn’t surprise me.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think that AG thinks she’s being sincere.

CHEL: She asks if Aradia’s “loser” male friend will be on the Blue Team, which Aradia says he isn’t, calls him dead weight (messing up her own quirk in the process, which would usually be “dead w8”), ignores Aradia’s declaration that she didn’t exclude him, and heads off to “give him a hard time” despite Aradia’s protest. From this we can presume said friend is Tavros.

We see AG’s face in the next page; she has blue makeup, one blackened lens in her spectacles, a cyborg arm, and a nasty grin.

FAILURE ARTIST: It kills me that we can’t just say who she is now. I’m sure she’s broken through cultural osmosis. However, instead of an introduction, we go to Sollux and Aradia.

Sollux apologizes for flying off the handle. He says even though he quit as leader, he’ll still play and do his best. In his self-degradation, he says something very odd.

TA: liike 2ome low cla22 guy wiith... whatever color blood ii2 lower on the hiierarchy than miine. TA: what2 wor2e than yellow? TA: fuck thii2 confu2iing ca2te 2y2tem.

You’d think he’d know by now, especially given how important the hierarchy is supposed to be.

CHEL: Especially since the person he’s talking to is not only lower on the hierarchy than him, but also one of his closest friends and (minor spoiler) possibly his love interest. This is where the “colourblind” theory for him comes from.

FAILURE ARTIST: Aradia tells Sollux to come to the window because she’s outside. He complains that he can’t see her and she tells him to look closer. He does so while grumbling about psychics. Aradia snaps her fingers and he falls asleep...in the dangerous mind honey.

CHEL: How does she do that? I don’t think she has mind control abilities, does she? All I remember is her throwing boulders around… did she Force-choke him into unconsciousness?

BRIGHT: Maybe she did it the same way Sollux knocked his bees out.

FAILURE ARTIST: Cut to much later. Meteors are falling furiously and all the teammates except Sollux are in the Medium. Sollux wakes up but with mind honey in his mouth. We find out what mind honey does to trolls like Sollux: it causes him to do an OPTIC BLAST , destroying the roof of his apartment and killing yet another lusus. Which just raises the question of why he let the mind honey flow on his floor.

Now, we are introduced to my Zodiac troll.

Your name is NEPETA LEIJON.

CHEL: Nepeta is the Latin genus name for catnip, and Leijon is the archaic spelling of “lejon”, the Swedish word for lion. It should be pronounced “lay-on”, but Hussie said “pronounce everything in the least affected manner possible, from an American perspective”, so I’ve always mentally heard it as “lee-jon” or possibly “lay-shawn”.

You live in a CAVE that is also a HIVE, but still mostly just a CAVE. You like to engage in FRIENDLY ROLE PLAYING, but not the DANGEROUS KIND. Never the DANGEROUS KIND. It's TOO DANGEROUS! Too many of your good friends have gotten hurt that way. Your daily routine is dangerous enough as it is. You prowl the wilderness for GREAT BEASTS, and stalk them and take them down with nothing but your SHARP CLAWS AND TEETH! You take them back to your cave and EAT THEM, and from time to time, WEAR THEIR PELTS FOR FUN. You like to paint WALL COMICS using blood and soot and ash, depicting EXCITING TALES FROM THE HUNT! And other goofy stories about you and your numerous pals. Your best pal of all is A LITTLE BOSSY, and people wonder why you even bother with him. But someone has to keep him pacified. If not you, then who? Everyone has an important job to do.

So the dangerous kind of roleplaying is more dangerous than taking down wild beasts.

CHEL: Which is already pretty damn dangerous!

You never know when you might encounter some unsuspecting prey. Or when some prey might encounter an unsuspecting you! On Alternia, everything is considered unsuspecting prey by everything else.

FAILURE ARTIST: Also just noticed her “hive” has windows even though it’s a cave and the windows don’t actually seem to open to anything? We never get to see any of her cave outside of this so who knows how it works.

CHEL: Maybe she painted them on?

Her lusus is a big cat, with the double mouths already mentioned in her roleplaying. I still don’t know what evolutionary purpose this serves. However, her trolltag is arsenicCatnip, and the double mouths are depicted as two threes; arsenic’s atomic number is 33. It’s little references and in-jokes like this that keep me loving HS despite its worst parts. I can’t get enough of these things.

Said cat is named POUNCE DE LEON, a reference to the explorer Juan Ponce de Leon, seeker of the Fountain of Youth.

You and she go on adventures together in search of the FOUNTAIN OF CUTE. You ride your sure-pawed mount into the rugged frontier. And sometimes she rides you when she gets tired, which is frequently. It sure will be sad when she dies. But who knows when or how that will happen. We might not even really have the time to find out! Later there was a cave-in.

Note the cave paintings on her walls, which are in red, black, and pale grey, and large black animal corpses in the foreground. It’s not clear if the animals themselves are black or they’re just in silhouette, but they contrast with the lusii, which are all white. These beasts also bleed mammalian red, which Nepeta uses for paint, while the lusii bleed the same colour as their respective troll charges. What precisely the lusii are and how they’re different from a regular animal is never really made clear. They could be separate species, or they could be regular animals psychically or biologically bonded to a troll and metamorphosing because of that. Or Hussie might not have thought it out that far.

Karkat’s trolling Nepeta on her DRAWING TABLET COMPUTER. She wishes she could adapt it to a fetch modus because her own one is frustrating, and answers him. She has to handwrite what she says on Trollian, and surrounds it with doodles of cats.

AC: :33 < *ac perks up curiously* AC: :33 < *she wiggles her rear end a bit and then chases something she s33s bounce into one of karkats shoes* CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE HAS TO SINK THIS LOW. CG: KARKAT CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S ASKING AN AUTISTIC GIRL IN A CAVE TO JOIN HIS TEAM. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 34

Thanks, asshole. I’ve seen fans assume this means Nepeta is literally autistic, and she could be, but either way Karkat is clearly using it as an insult here, not a literal description.

Anyway, Karkat explains to Nepeta what’s going on. He, Terezi, Gamzee, and Tavros are already playing; Tavros needs a server player. GA is lined up for the Red Team, but doesn’t want to connect yet for mysterious reasons, so Nepeta’s the best candidate. Nepeta agrees, but wants to talk to someone else first.

CG: HOW CAN YOU BE BEST FRIENDS WITH THE ONLY GUY ON THE PLANET WHO'S A BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN ME. AC: :33 < hes not so bad! CG: HE'S SCUM. CG: BUT DO WHATEVER YOU'VE GOT TO DO I GUESS. CG: TAVROS IS WAITING.

This seems quite a distance from Nepeta declaring that the guy she needs to talk to “scares her” earlier on. May be a retcon.

Said friend proves to be the blue Sagittarius boy, still in shadow. I think here it’s time to add on a point we brought up but did not count when observing the Pesterchum Trollslum: his handle is centaursTesticle. I remind everyone the trolls are supposed to be thirteen. What a charming child. I guess maybe it’s excusable because he’s not a mammal himself, but still.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 9

He says hi, but becomes frustrated when Nepeta roleplays at him. He types in dark b100, is e%cessively formal, and precedes each line with a D→ emoticon, the significance of which will be explained in a moment.

CT: D --> This is f001ishness upon one hundred thousand prior, equally unsolicited f001ishnesses

FAILURE ARTIST: It’s weird that his first word is “hi”, considering how formal he usually is.

CHEL: Could be because he knows Nepeta well? A concession to her mannerisms?

He expects Nepeta to follow his orders; she stops roleplaying, but complains about him being “so lame!” and never roleplaying with her, even though he will go out of his way to find words with “x” or “loo” in them so he can use his quirk. He tells her off for using foul language at things as mild as “what the hell?” and she apologises.

CT: D --> Your fraternization with the base classes have 100sened your morals, can't you see this AC: :33 < no! i dont care, they are fun AC: :33 < and i dont know anything about classes or bases or blood color, it doesn't matter! AC: :33 < what does gr33n blood even mean! it doesnt mean anything to me and it shouldnt mean anything to anyone else! CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you

This relationship looks rather worrying from a human perspective, I must say. Still, Nepeta seems to be holding her own in the argument, and he’s not physically present so there’s little he can do to actually harm her if things go south.

FAILURE ARTIST: Yeah, early on this relationship looks bad, but this relationship is one of the more popular ones in Homestuck.

CHEL: Did he plan their relationship, or ascend the fanon? Do we know?

FAILURE ARTIST: I would say there wasn’t enough time for Equius/Nepeta to be fanon, giving the quick update rate for this arc, but fandom does work fast.

Nepeta doesn’t seem to be just against the hemospectrum but rather ignorant of it, which is odd considering how important it’s supposed to be. Then again, she does live in a cave.

BRIGHT: Considering how important the hemospectrum is supposed to be, a surprising number of characters don’t understand it or care about it. That’s two out of nine so far. And while the hemospectrum does add a layer of complication, it’s not that complicated. There are only (spoiler) eleven colours in official use, and most readers pick them up pretty quickly. Characters living in a society which violently enforces it should have a working grasp of it, even if they think it’s stupid as all get-out.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 26

CHEL: Nepeta points out he always puts his bow and arrow symbol at the start of lines, which she considers a sign of playfulness and he considers “highly dignified symbols”. Nepeta asks if he’s ever successfully fired a bow, and he refuses to talk about it.

CT: D --> The topic is making me CT: D --> Sweat

He does this a lot. Here it seems to be a sign of feeling awkward and embarrassed, but later on it will be the source of CALL CPA PLEASE points.

They argue; Nepeta calls him a “weirdo and a cr33p!” and says it’s good she’s there to watch out for him in turn because no one else likes him, and he tells her off for eating animals. So trolls aren’t fully carnivorous? Their teeth suggest they should at least lean more strongly that way than humans do, but I guess eating vegetation wouldn’t be impossible for them.

CT: D --> You're wrong about me, Nepeta CT: D --> I do like to play games CT: D --> But they must be e%tremely important games with very high stakes CT: D --> Not the kind played by trans100cent green wigglers who let 100se an e%cremental surge hard in their wiggler-bottom diaperstubs

Nice callback, though I’m kind of surprised he said “bottom” since he draws the line at “hell”. Also, why the hell would trolls have diapers? They’re raised by literal animals, most of which don’t have hands to change them with!

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 27

FAILURE ARTIST: What we see later of troll infants, they don’t have bottoms to diaper.

CHEL: Equius informs Nepeta he’s leading the Blue Team; she’s already on the Red Team, but he forbids her to join it and says she must join him.

AC: :33 < *ac rolls her eyes almost as hard as she is rolling around in this really interesting smell* CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption

Didn’t he also forbid her from associating with the people on the Blue Team on the grounds of them being too dangerous to hang out with? There’s no pleasing this guy.

Nepeta tells Tavros she can’t join him. She’s angry at her friend, though she’s still obeying him, but Tavros thinks it’s for the best.

AC: :33 < *ac curls up in tavroses lap* AT: oKAY, *i, AT: fOR THE TIME BEING, aND, AT: fOR THE SAKE OF THIS FANTASY SCENARIO, i PRETEND, AT: tHAT MY CAT ALLERGIES AREN'T THAT BAD,* [...] AT: wELL, AT: iF YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM BEFORE, AT: yOU MIGHT HAVE PLAYED GAMES WITH US BEFORE, AT: aND SOMETHING BAD MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU,

All very well, but notice what’s wrong with this picture?

I am… not particularly happy about more wheelchair slapstick going as far as to cause what I guess could be called either pet death or parent death. Most people in wheelchairs are able to not do that. Wouldn’t he at least notice it going over the bump? The “lol the weak wimpy kid has allergies” thing isn’t marvellous either; Tavros’ supposed wimpiness isn’t a huge deal yet, but it will be.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 35

BRIGHT: Uh...okay, wow. I somehow didn’t notice Tinkerbull dying like that the first time I read this, and WTF, Hussie?

Tavros reminisces about his role-playing days. We get a flashback to him standing in his room pre-paralysis, dressed in a green Peter Pan outfit and wielding a very short lance he calls a ‘daggerlance’. He is preparing to play FLARP, an EXTREME ROLE PLAYING game which can have serious real-world consequences if played without caution. Tavros is part of Team Charge, and they will be playing against Team Scourge.

The other member of Team Charge is Aradia. Tavros starts a chat with her, and Aradia sounds a lot more animated in this one. She actually seems pretty cheerful and enthusiastic! They talk a bit about Tavros’s choice of class, the Boy-Skylark; apparently it’s not very strong early on, but picks up some powerful abilities once you reach a high level. Put a pin in that, it’s not directly relevant but it does echo some Class traits later on.

Tavros’s FLARP grub lays some eggs ...

CHEL: Troll technology is disgusting.

BRIGHT: … which hatch into neon pixellated bats called GAMING FLAPSTRACTIONS. These contain the data used to provide the roleplaying scenario, and will also follow live instructions provided by the ‘clouder’. One member of Team Scourge will act as Tavros’s clouder, creating a challenging scenario for him to adventure through. Aradia will be the clouder for Terezi, the other member of Team Scourge. The flapstractions are tied to the player’s vital attributes, which is what makes this sort of role playing so dangerous. It’s interesting that apart from SGRUB, trolls have video games which physically affect the real world, or at least some of the players.

CHEL: Which brings up a comment we made on an earlier Act; does everyone in John’s version of Earth have sylladexes, and do all their videogames affect reality? We never see.

BRIGHT: A little way into the game, and Tavros has been backed up to the edge of a cliff by a couple of FLARP monsters. His clouder contacts him to ask why he’s not moving; turns out it’s AG. Tavros tells her that the monsters are too strong for the level he’s at. AG responds by mocking him, calling him weak, and urging him to either advance or abscond. Tavros asks her to hold on, and tries to contact Aradia for help, then Terezi.

We get another glimpse of AG! She has a blue sign, has one hooked horn and one with a crescent tip, messy hair, and here is wearing an eyepatch with seven red dots over one eye. She appears to be standing in the field with Tavros, which clearly isn’t possible.

CHEL: Holograms, presumably.

BRIGHT: Tavros can’t get through to either Aradia or Terezi. AG starts messaging him again, telling him to roll the dice. Tavros, entirely sensibly, declines to do so, as he’s run the numbers and the monsters are too strong to beat no matter how well he rolls. AG says that if he won’t move, she’ll make him move.

AT: i THOUGHT, AT: yOU COULDN'T USE POWERS, AT: i MEAN, rEAL LIFE POWERS, nOT GAME ONES, AT: iT'S AGAINST THE RULES, AG: 8ut if you are going to 8reak the rules and refuse to roll, what choice do I have!

Using her psychic powers, she then takes control of his body.

And walks him off the cliff.

AG: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!! AG: Flyyyyyyyy!

CHEL: This is our introduction to the most controversial character in the whole fandom, and quite possibly one of the most controversial in any fandom. So much as mentioning this girl can start huge flamewars, and there was an entire section of the official Homestuck forum set off for talking about her so it didn’t taint the experience on the other boards. We’ll see more of this behaviour from her later, and discuss the fandom’s opinion of it as we go.

AG types out a long string of mocking laughter, with eight exclamation marks. I believe five is the point Pratchett deemed to be a sign of insanity, what does eight signify? Anyway, Tavros takes out his phone and texts the first person he thinks of; Karkat.

adiosToreador [AT] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] AT: aG JUST JUMPED ME OFF A CLIFF, AT: wITH MY BRAIN, AT: aND, uHH AT: mY LEGS, aLSO, AT: aND NOW, tHEY FEEL, AT: iNVISIBLE, AT: wOW, i'M SURE THERE WAS A BETTER WAY TO SAY THAT, AT: aNYWAY, AT: tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS, AT: tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT, AT: oF ME GETTING HURT, CG: HEY ASSHOLE, STOP PLAYING GAMES FOR GIRLS. carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling adiosToreador [AT]

It’s times like these I wonder if we should have stolen the RP1 spork’s “Why Are We Meant To Like You, Again?” count. Let’s tally up the ones we have…

First off, Karkat, you’re a sexist dick and a bully, and the narrative never calls you out on it, nor do the other characters.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 36

Second, two SLAMMER points, one for the sexism, and one for hanging up on a clearly injured person, when Karkat is supposed to be portrayed as “prickly but caring”, which is not consistent with this even if he doesn’t much like Tavros or know him well at this point.

SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 3

And third, what the hell is the point of the “GAMES FOR GIRLS” comment? Karkat’s phrasing implies that this is a contemptible, weak thing to do. Considering the incredibly dangerous nature of the game, that makes no sense at all. Fandom likes to charitably interpret it as meaning that female trolls are expected to be more violent than the male ones and Karkat’s telling Tavros not to get himself hurt, but that doesn’t work either because in every other situation Tavros is socially punished for not being violent, forthright, and traditionally masculine, and as I said, Karkat’s phrasing and immediate hanging-up on Tavros implies contempt, not concern. If it was meant the way a human boy would put it, what the hell are games for troll boys like?!

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 28

One way I’ve played it in fanfic is that female trolls are expected to be the strategisers, while male ones just barge on through, but that’s just my personal idea, not canon.

BRIGHT: Really the only way this could be read as not completely awful is if Karkat thought Tavros was role-playing the injury. But there’s no reason for him to think that; Karkat’s made his lack of interest in it abundantly clear, and we never see Tavros initiate a role-playing chatlog with anyone, even one of the other FLARPers. In fact, all the FLARPers seem to confine their role-playing to the game itself; the only person who role-plays in chatlogs is Nepeta. (And after this, it’s easy to see why CT didn’t want her FLARPing.) So Karkat’s being a real dick here.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s not really any charitable explanation for this. The fandom is just content to prove Karkat wasn’t sexist on human terms.

BRIGHT: Also, this is an impressively coherent summary of events from Tavros. If I’d just walked off a cliff and broken my back, I’m not sure I’d be up to texting anybody, let alone explaining things that clearly. Tavros gets short shrift for being weak, but he’s really pretty tough.

We jump back to Karkat in the Medium, having just finished the conversation with Terezi we saw earlier. AG starts messaging him, and Karkat is really not impressed.

AG: Hey 8rave leader. CG: OH MY GOD, WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME. AG: Can I join your team? CG: YES I'M GLAD YOU ASKED, BECAUSE THERE IS A WIDE OPEN SLOT FOR THE MOST VILE BACKSTABBING SOCIOPATH WHO EVER LIVED. CG: YOU REALLY HELPED ME OUT OF A JAM BY STEPPING FORWARD. AG: Vile 8acksta88ing sociopath? Karkat, did you copy and p8ste that phrase directly from your personal ad descri8ing what you are looking for in a lady? CG: HA HA HA! CG: MORE CAGEY CUTESY BULLSHIT. CG: LIKE I'M NOT UP TO MY LOBE STEM WITH THAT ALREADY HAVING TO DEAL WITH TEREZI. CG: YOU BOTH MUST HAVE BEEN INSUFFERABLE WHEN YOU WERE A TEAM. CG: YOUR OPPONENTS PROBABLY ALL JUST TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE AFTER A FEW MINUTES OF PUTTING UP WITH YOUR FANGY GRINNED DRIVEL. CG: THAT'S PROBABLY HOW IT ALL WENT DOWN WHEN THE SHIT HIT THE THRESHER.

AG continues to mess around and Karkat continues to be adamant about not wanting to be friends with her. He warns her not to use her mind control abilities on his teammates, and finishes up with something that actually seems to hit home.

CG: I'VE GOT THE BETTER SCOURGE SISTER ON MY TEAM AND IF YOU BREAK YOUR TRUCE YOU'LL HAVE TO ANSWER TO HER. CG: THE FUNNY THING IS SHE WAS ALWAYS WAY BETTER THAN YOU EVEN WITHOUT ANY POWERS. CG: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, I KNOW YOUR WHOLE STORY. CG: YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS SHE COULD MANIPULATE PEOPLE SO WELL WITHOUT RESORTING TO CHEAP MIND TRICKS. CG: HAHA, I CAN TELL THIS BURNS YOU AND I CAN'T EVEN PAW THROUGH YOUR DUMPSTER! CG: CHALK IT UP AS ANOTHER INFURIATING VICTORY FOR GUTTER BLOOD OVER ARISTOCRACY.

It’s interesting that although Karkat is extremely cagey about his blood colour, he identifies himself here as a lowblood. Granted, that’s the most logical conclusion to make -- a highblood would have no reason to conceal their blood caste -- but blood colour wasn’t even being discussed until he brought it up.

Karkat ends the chatlog, and then immediately starts messaging AG again.

AG: Oh, 8ack so soon! Did your thum8 slip on the 8utton???????? AG: I guess you can't get enough of me. AG: ::::) CG: YOU MADE ME DO THAT. CG: AND YOU KNOW IT. AG: You 8n't got nothing on me and you can't prove shit!!!!!!!! AG: Anyway, Karkat, I just wanted to say. AG: <3

...okay, I assume she’s using that in a mocking way, because we never get any other indication that she’s romantically interested in Karkat, but man, that threw me for a moment.

FAILURE ARTIST: AG says she can read Karkat’s mind and it’s implied she made Karkat slip up, but you’d think even with Karkat’s mind being a dumpster she’d still find it impossible to resist finding out his blood color.

CHEL: Impossible to not find it, in fact! It must be pretty prominent in his thoughts if it’s important enough to hide.

BRIGHT: The narration then hops to the blue Sagittarius boy, and...uh.

Wow, those sure are a lot of weirdly sexual posters and dismantled robots.

Let’s not beat about the bush here: Teens are (generally) interested in sex and very good at getting hold of depictions of it. On the other hand...thirteen is kind of on the young end for that. Also, most people don’t display their pornography proudly on their walls, although as I type this I remember that cheesecake pin-ups used to be a thing. Heck, maybe they still are. Either way, this is kind of disturbing.

CALL CPA PLEASE: 10

CHEL: Then again, I was never very close to any teenage boys when I was that age; for all I know, maybe they would stick their porn on their walls if they didn’t have parents to stop them.

I’d like to point out the unfortunate implications in having the narrator sound as disturbed as they do in conjunction with all his posters being of male characters. There are plenty of other reasons to be disturbed, plus his interactions with girls are even more disturbing, but as we proceed we’ll see hints that that possibly was meant to be part of the disturbance. Hussie has a real discomfort with m/m attraction, and it shows more than he meant it to.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 37

Since the trolls aren’t mammals and their anatomy isn’t necessarily anything a mammal would recognise, fandom’s occasionally had some fun with interpreting this as him not realising the posters are so explicit and just having them because he thinks they look cool, but that’s obviously not the intended meaning.

BRIGHT: I think the reader is also meant to be bothered by the posters being furry art. Honestly that part doesn’t bother me, but furries were the butt of a lot of jokes back in 2009 -- and possibly still are, although I haven’t seen any for years.

FAILURE ARTIST: Personally, when I saw this panel, I was peeved that he wasn’t introduced yet. I liked the cut of his jib for displaying such “art”. Of course, there’s also the shiner his lusus sports which may play a part in the narrator’s discomfort.

BRIGHT: The narration is as disturbed as I am, although possibly for different reasons, and promptly switches to a brief glimpse of the last troll we have to meet, who has dark pink goggles, a Pisces sign, and is prodding a cuttlefish with a trident. Before we can learn anything more about her, off we go again!

This time we return to Aradia, who is flying across the countryside atop the severed head of the frog statue. Her hive, when she reaches it, is in ruins and overgrown by vegetation.

You haven't been here since the night of the accident. On that night you found your CALLING. The voices of the dead grew louder, urging you to return to the ruins you discovered not long before. You left so abruptly, you didn't even have time to bury your lusus. But that's fine, because trolls don't typically bury their dead. Leaving bodies to be consumed by wild animals is more customary.

We’ve already seen that role-playing accidents on Alternia can be pretty damn extreme, and given that Aradia has telekinesis it’s not a stretch that property damage could get involved, but this is still very effective build-up to the reveal of What’s Up With Aradia. On my first read-through I was really curious about what had happened, and I still think it holds up well.

Aradia starts up the game and allows her co-leader to enter first, since she always intended to enter second. She then has Nepeta connect to her as her server player, and starts setting up the equipment. Since she doesn’t have a dead lusus to prototype the kernelsprite with, she uses the head of the frog statue instead. The dead have assured her that this is critical for later success.

Compelling your nonplussed server player to perform this task might have proven difficult. Luckily your telekinesis, an ability greatly magnified through your CALLING, would be sufficient to move the massive object, whereas the game cursor likely would not. Your server player simply watched in mystification.

Sprite sorted out, Aradia enters the Medium. Her classpect is MAID OF TIME, and her planet is the LAND OF QUARTZ AND MELODY, which is very pretty. It was important for her to enter second because her client player, presumably AG, has a present for her which can’t be replicated with grist, so they’re going to have to travel through the Gate above their house to get it to her.

Nepeta, meanwhile, is watching in befuddlement, because she can’t see Aradia on the screen...up until Aradia merges with the Frogsprite.

She couldn't see you up until the moment after the sprite's second prototyping. Because you were dead all along.

HOLY SHIT.

The first time I read Homestuck, this reveal blew me away. (Granted, I was a bit confused by all the hopping around between characters and time points. It makes much more sense on the second read.) It probably wasn’t intended as much of a surprise, given the next page…

We are all completely blown away by this stunning revelation.

Fair enough.