#all of my muses when they see amy: what are morals

[monstroum]

i know you saw me . / rustin cohle!

he doesn't look at her . rarely does . there's no point . rustin is pretty sure that , no matter how long they left him locked in a room with the girl , he wouldn't be able to break through her walls . she was all barbed wire , no soft spots ( the detective thinks he can taste the metallic rust staining the roof of his mouth . he can't help but tongue at it ㅤ─ ㅤ bitter and cold : odile ) . calloused fingers pull a cigarette out of the soft pack he keeps in his shirt's pocket . he places it between his lips , lights it and thinks that there's a joke in there somewhere . one about having a smokers area right outside an hospital's doors .

the metallic taste doesn't leave his mouth . it's because she's lingering there , in his peripheral , reminding him that he had all the pieces to solve this case . HE HAD SEEN HER ; throwing a man off the top floor a twelve story building . the guy wasn't going to make it but the whole police department had flocked there to try and squeeze one last statement out of him . what was there to say ? drug trafficking , family business , friends in high places , it was always the same shit . ㅤ" cuttin' down a bad man don't make you any less bad yourself . " ㅤcohle drawled before breathing out smoke . it was unclear whether he was talking to odile or himself .

his shirt stuck to his back . ten in the evening and the louisiana heat was as relentless as ever . there's air conditioning inside the building but cohle prefers being out there , next to a potential murderer , between the sweat and the smoke and the mosquitoes . rustin flicks some ashes onto the sidewalk . ㅤ" makes you righteous . sometimes that's all anyone can afford to be . " ㅤhe muses with his eyes set on the busy parking lot . did odile expect him to cuff her and book her ? a good cop would have done that ㅤ─ ㅤ eye for an eye and the whole world turns fucking blind or whatever . but if he does not tell who blinded the man fighting for his life upstairs , then the cycle stops . odile walks free and the county loses a boogie man ㅤ─ ㅤ HOW IS THAT UNJUST ?

ㅤㅤㅤrustin turns to stare odile in the eye . he shakes his head lightly as his heavily-lidded gaze never quite leaves hers .ㅤ " nah ㅤ─ ㅤ i didn't see shit . "

[hottakehoulihan]

This is a rant/musing/meandering about Worm fans WRT Wildbow. I think it's time I at least once made myself an unsubtly dissenting voice, since silence indicates agreement to so many. Move on if you like. This is probably mostly for me.

I'm white, from the USA, grew up with thrift store clothes and scavenged pencils but got to visit the dentist when needed, and was raised in the same ethnocentric, homophobic, fatphobic, ableist, Puritan-influenced culture that most of us were. I try to routinely examine and correct my biases and blind spots. I am trying to see what I might be missing, with as open a mind as I can manage.

I reread Worm (fourth readthrough, but my retention is meh) these last few months actually looking for any evidence at all I could find of the various phobias (all of them, it seems, and also the vaunted hates-drug-users) that some folk like to assert Wildbow has. I didn't find much that didn't--IMHO--more closely fit an accurate description of how the characters (including Taylor, who is literally a child that grew up in an even less-enlightened environment than most of us) are biased. This, coupled with an unfortunate shortsightedness of methodology (do NOT use dice when you write your story. It seems like a good idea to naive youth, but We Do Not Live in a world where you can just let RNG dictate that your [insert bad thing] is committed by [insert group that is already stereotyped as doing that bad thing]. (Though sometimes that's gonna happen in real life too, and art depicting things that happen in real life is Not Always Bad you just have to be careful about context and tone.) Also, try not to accidentally/subconsciously follow Hayes code-influenced patterns. ...though that's hard to do when you're making almost EVERY character a morally grey one) is all the support I see.

Whew, that was a weird parenthetical juxtaposition. Should I rewrite? Nah; it's already taking too much time.

Seriously, how many actually 100% goodguy fleshed characters does Worm have? Arguably zero. Even Yamada and Legend, by dint of having to work within the confines of their structures, made concessions to evils. Dinah made her ruthless calculus decisions just as Cauldron did. Taylor's famously grey self-justifications were agonized over no more or less than Parian's. A perfect character would be a blemish, arguably. (I'll just take Amy as my woobie; after more than a dozen years of emotional abuse and neglect by her kidnappers, she deserves a bit of consideration and rehabilitation.)

And just like I'm willing to assume that Gregor's somehow flawed, like he offscreen asserted that there are acceptable civilian losses when you're doing crimes or assaulting Cauldrons, and that's clearly bullshit because there's no actual evidence Gregor is anything less than perfect but it's easier to assume evils (and more fun to talk shit) than not, I figure a bunch of folk are trying to fit in by agreeing and priming their confirmation biases accordingly.

And this is without, even, considering the millions of other words in non-Worm stuff. You're gonna read Pale and tell me this same junk?

...though, well, perhaps my cutie Biscuit, and a thing Louise said about addicts essentially vanishing from the lives of their loved ones, might count as being against habitual recreational narcotic use. I'll think about that over my next bottle of wine.

I like reading light novels, and fluffy fanfics, and similar, even though usually the characters involved seldom have what you might call facets. When the retired orc warrior who started a gnomish coffeeshop moves on to her next volume, I'm there, and I don't care if I never find out that she once had to choose between leaving baby goblins to die in a fire or saving a teammate from a spike trap.

I've read so many stories where there's no such thing as an 'ism', or rather there's just no example of representation, because every character is two steps away from being an AFGNCAAP (Ageless, Faceless, Gender-Neutral, Culturally-Ambiguous Adventure Person)

I think Wildbow is serious about trying to always be a better writer in the approaching-MFA sense. I see efforts to portray believable behavior of real "human" (whether human or not) characters from multiple backgrounds, in a world that scans as plausibly diverged from the same sort of ugly we live in today.

I do not see any more latent phobias of any sort than I see in pretty much anything else available to read, from fanfic to bestseller lists to "new favorites" lists at the local library. In fact, I see markedly less, to include some (fuck 'em) commenters complaining about shoehorned-in wokeness.

It's weird to me that, given the body of work and the literal black-and-white facts about who and what exist within, and the extra time and effort the author made and makes (too much, IMO) generously engaging with the fans, the default is to diss the author for not doing even more. In their first work. Of which half the concept and much of the worldbuilding dated from grade-school practice. And it's still great.

And I'm saying this about a story where a significant number of the villains are literally white male nazis, torturemurderers, and literally inhuman terrorists. You wouldn't expect people to be demanding a lot of nuance if you were an outsider to this story. But Worm delivers, IMO.

This is not in response to anything recent; I've been chewing on this for years prior to even joining tumblr or creating this username.

tl;dr: Are you sure you're not talking shit about Wildbow just to fit in with the other cool snarksters and feel cool and cynical and superior? Instead of sincere? Because I went looking, and, respectfully, I think you're wrong. And it's a bit ugly and sad.

[taiblogcomics]

My Little Women ...Would Be Kind of a Creepy Title, Actually

Hey there, winking emojis. Well, we finished another third of Avengers Arena, and we need a break, yeah? Something light and fun. Now, I did finish all the G5 pony comics I had in the backlog last time... But note that one bit: the G5 comics. I got a little something else for you today~

Here's the cover

So this is My Little Pony Classics Reimagined - Little Fillies. Dunno if there are or will be more in the Classics Reimagined line, but here's the first. It's all the MLP characters you know and love, but it's plugged into Louisa May Alcott's "Little Women". If you haven't read "Little Women", don't worry, neither have I! It's still pretty entertaining, and you get a strong sense of the original story. You'll see. Either way, a fittingly simple, pleasant cover for such a story. Dunno what crowd the Little Women fandom draws in for comics, but the Friendship is Magic cast is sure to pull in a few readers~

Now, just for clarity, I will be referring to the characters by the names of the roles they're playing. I will, of course, indicate who's played by who each time they're introduced, but otherwise when I say "Meg", you're gonna have to remember it's our favourite purple book horse. Speaking of, we open at the March house, where Meg (Twilight Sparkle) is finishing up here contribution to their family newspaper. Beth (Fluttershy) compliments her on the story's moral, while Jo (Rainbow Dash) scoffs at it. She doesn't have time for moral lessons. Yup, that's Rainbow Dash~

After a side comment from Amy (Rarity), Jo shares her own story: a frolicking adventure story starring a pony named Rainbow Dash collecting artifacts and fighting thieves. Beth interrupts her, unsure whether they've already heard this story or not. Meg agrees, eventually realising it sounds a lot like AK Yearling's Daring Do books. Amy agrees that it seems derivative, and is also miffed that Jo gets to copy for her articles and she isn't. Jo's pretty mad at the insinuations. But it's hard to write adventure stories when you haven't had any yourself...

Her sisters sympathise, but even everyday life is a kind of adventure. Besides, it's Hearth's Warming Eve, and who can be sad then? Even if their bits are going somewhere other than presents, perhaps. Their father (Cheese Sandwich) is off fighting in the war, so money is tight. They muse a bit about what they would've liked to receive, and when Jo mentions she'd like the newest AK Yearling book, Meg is surprised she hasn't bought it yet. She probably would have, but Aunt March (Discord) hasn't paid her yet. Once she does, though, Beth suggests they pool their money for a gift for their mother, Marmee (Pinkie Pie).

And here's where some of the humour of the adaptation comes in. Up 'til now, it's been a fairly straight adaptation (I assume, anyway). But upon mention of her character's name, Pinkie pirouettes in and flops on the floor. Twilight protests that this can't possibly be her entrance, and Pinkie points it out in the script. The script in her hoofwriting. Pinkie's retort? Are they adapting a literary classic? Yes. Does that mean she can't add cartwheels if she wants? No. Rarity then pipes up with some regard to wardrobe, and Twilight shouts for focus.

Totally focused, Marmee pulls out a letter from their father and reads it out loud. The key part, though, is the ending which goes something like "adventures are well and good, but don't seek them so strongly you miss what's right in front of you now". This is clearly directed at Jo. In the days that follow, she tries to take it to heart, attempting to write something not so Daring Do derivative, but comes up with nothing. Meg interrupts her nothings to remind her they've been invited to a fancy New Year's party. Jo accidentally butchers Meg's hair while they're dressing, but they make it there.

While Meg fawns over the high class guests, Jo wanders off to stew. While she's moping, a butler (Discord again, in another role) suggests she try stage left. Someone has to keep the narrative pace going, right? Jo ducks into a little room where she can escape the party for a bit, and it's here where she meets Theodora "Laurie" Laurence (Applejack), their next door neighbour. Oh boy, this is gonna be some Appledash shipping, isn't it? Coz the surprise and explanation for Laurie's nickname preferences works better in the original book, where the Laurie character was a boy.

Anyway, Jo wonders why they haven't hung out before, being next door neighbours and all. Laurie's just been busy with school and stuff. She's been all over, and Jo is swooning a bit at the thought of all that adventure. She's jealous, coz there's not too much to write about in Broncord, Massahoofsetts. Laurie is pretty intrigued, even if Jo isn't officially published yet. She asks Jo for a story right now, and she obliges. She gets a little stuck in the middle, and Laurie suggests Jo stop thinking like AK Yearling and tell what she wants in the story.

Alas, while Jo catches a second wind spinning a yarn about her self-insert OC Rainbow Dash (now there's some confusing canon mapping for you~), she's just getting into it when Meg appears, rather disheveled and ready to go home. She got too involved in a competition with the Great and Powerful Trixie (who I guess doesn't get a canon character to play), and she would like to go home now.

Jo and Laurie walk home together, and the pair part amicably. Laurie muses that while it might not be as exciting as a Daring Do adventure, but the story of how they met might be worth writing about too. Jo supposes that's true, and the comic ends with her heading inside to recount Rainbow Dash's latest adventures to Beth and Amy (who didn't get to come, I guess)~

This is pretty all right. Like I said, I’ve never read ”Little Women” myself, not even for school, but there’s enough both in the story and the meta asides that I’ve gotten the gist of it. Speaking of, it’s those meta asides I like the most. A straight adaptation wouldn’t be quite as fun, I don’t think. It does make you wonder if they’re putting it on as a play or something, or if they simply know they’re in a comic adaptation. Either way, this certainly isn’t a bad story, I mean, it’s a classic for a reason, right~?

[honorhearted]

"I'd imagine it's difficult to do so when you're occupied with winning a war for your liberté, no? Manmade horrors or otherwise."

Lorraine was delightfully perceptive. In his experience, the French were often spoken of as a frivolous, almost lazy people, so to hear her reflect his own thoughts, and perhaps even understand them was not only refreshing, but entirely welcome. Benjamin grew tired of having to hold his tongue and bite back his true feelings -- to let on any weakness, after all, could do irreparable damage for camp morale.

"Everything feels a bit difficult," he confessed, "but every now and then, I'll see a small bloom struggling to rise above the mire, or hear a gleeful birdsong in the air, and then I'll be reminded that God is good -- that He is with us, and leading us into battle."

Mercifully, Lorraine still didn't seem put off by his musings. She beamed that sweet, dimpled smile, her bright eyes shining as she declared, "Oh, I assure you, Benjamin, no book could compare to the nouveauté of seeing France with your own eyes. Of all the places I've been, la beauté de mon Dijon is unmatched."

"Dijon," Benjamin echoed, smiling wistfully. "Is this your way of inviting me out to see it for myself? I-I mean!" Wincing at his boldness, he flushed and looked away, still not quite able to keep from smiling. "I'm sorry, uh...there would be a chaperone, of course. I imagine my father, or perhaps even a friend would wish to accompany me, should I ever make such a journey. After the war is through, I think I should very much like to see the world."

In reference to his curiosities, Lorraine replied, "I do not think it could be narrowed down to one fact, sir. Our people are so very different in many ways. I suppose one thing we share strongly, however, is our desire for révolution."

"Not a bad thing to have in common," Benjamin replied, beaming. "Though you're right...forgive me for implying that there could be just one worldly difference."

Lorraine patted his hand, though not unkindly. "Your food does often leave something to be desired -- and I do not speak merely of your camp rations. Truly, you are a poor man to not know the delicacies of finer cuisine, mon ami."

Unable to help it, he laughed, wrinkling his nose in surprise. "Do your people not enjoy fish, poultry or mutton? I confess, our standard fare isn't the most exciting, but it gets the job done. And in these dire times, anything above the norm generates quite the bit of excitement." He nodded toward her. "Would you care to indulge me? What, then, am I missing out on in terms of 'finer cuisine?'"

"I…cannot deny my experience," her companion affirmed, his cheeks a deep shade of pink that matched the peonies in her garden back home. "Is that so?" she playfully challenged, serving to embarrass him further.

"I-I mean! Experience with…w-with this camp."

"Ah."

Lorraine was perhaps having a little too much fun toying with the poor man. For whatever reason, she quite enjoyed seeing him fumble over his words with a sheepish smile.

"I'd love to accompany you. Er…I'd be delighted. Truly. If you're serious about not minding my presence."

"Shall we then, Major?"

Benjamin's hand lightly touched hers as she held fast to his arm, prompting her heart to flutter and a warm stirring in her stomach. Lorraine was familiar with infatuation, but never before had she found herself in the midst of such with an American. What a thrilling concept, to be caught in euphoria with someone so captivatingly different from what she knew.

"I've never really stopped to admire the nature in camp. It's assuredly beautiful, of course, but I suppose our manmade horrors have dampened everything a bit, so…"

"I'd imagine it's difficult to do so when you're occupied with winning a war for your liberté, no? Manmade horrors or otherwise."

"I would be honored to rediscover all this beauty at your side."

Through her beaming smile, Lorraine was now the one blushing.

Being a diplomat's daughter, she was used to having eyes on her at all times, so she'd grown accustomed to ignoring it, her poise and elegance speaking for her. Maman, after all, had trained her well.

"I have never been to France."

"What a shame. Have you traveled anywhere outside the colonies?"

"I've never left the country, truth be told, but I adore reading about other lands…"

"Oh, I assure you, Benjamin, no book could compare to the nouveauté of seeing France with your own eyes. Of all the places I've been, la beauté de mon Dijon is unmatched."

"Tell me: what's one thing about the French that you think all Americans should know?" He asked, which made Lorraine laugh.

"I do not think it could be narrowed down to one fact, sir. Our people are so very different in many ways. I suppose one thing we share strongly, however, is our desire for révolution."

She patted his hand affectionately, "Your food does often leave something to be desired -- and I do not speak merely of your camp rations. Truly, you are a poor man to not know the delicacies of finer cuisine, mon ami."

[sharp-teeth-and-archived]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN !

BASICS

BIRTHDAY : nov 14

PRONOUNS: she / her

NAME : bambi

ZODIAC :   scorpio sun, taurus rising, pisces moon

FAVORITES

Favorite Author: tbh I don’t think I have one? Amy Harmon is pretty good

Favorite Character from Literature : not sure

Favorite Music Genre: I listen to a lot of stuff to where my spotify weekly list is screwed up, but my spotify year in review said I listened to indie the most.

Favorite Kind of Book: historical, anything that grabs my attention, anything 1700s-early 1900s.

Favorite Animal: cat

Favorite Disney Cartoon : lion king

Favorite Video Games: r.dr2 by far, but I do have a few other favorites

Favorite Color: purple

Favorite Tv Shows: I don’t watch many tv shows but probably t.urn??

Favorite Mythology:  greek but norse is cool

Favorite Food: spaghetti or anything pasta

Favorite Actor: d.omhnall g.leeson

Favorite Countries: I haven’t visited anywhere outside of the states, but I want to visit Ireland, Canada, or Britain.

ROLEPLAY QUESTIONS

CANON OR OC:  I write both but probably canon? It’s just easier for character study because I have a visual reference to work off of that’s easier for me

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RPING : On here? May 2018, I believe, but I’ve been rping since I was in fifth grade when I wrote with *these*.

WHO IS YOUR CURRENT FC : it varies with each muse, but I use T.om N.ook as my mun fc occasionally

FAVORITE GENRE :  anything but probably fluff or angst (though usually I have to be in the mindset to do it sometimes), smut is cool. So generally and for the big three, I’m not picky honestly. I’m more selective with smut than anything.

SOFT MUSES OR EVIL MUSES : I like morally grey muses, and part of why I have so many different muses on here is because I couldn’t strictly write an evil or a good character all the time. I like the variation. Most of my muses are morally grey, even my more softer muse (Cassie). If anything, I probably prefer evil because soft would get boring quick.

WHAT IS YOUR PERFERED WRITING STYLE ? : I know I have a writing style and mostly that is a focus on a character’s thoughts and body language, usually, but it does drift sometimes depending on my mood or something I’m reading can kinda tamper with my writing. I try to write detailed but it isn’t always easy. I shift between present and past tense. For what I prefer, I’d like writing I can easily follow and distinguish what is dialogue and what isn’t in a reply. I’m not really picky but really action-oriented replies with no breather or break in between and heavy formatting hurts my brain.

HAVE YOU BEEN ON OTHER PLATFORMS ? : Right now, d.iscord is my only other platform. I used a.mino before, k.ik and w.attpad when I was just starting out.

WHO IS YOUR TOP MUSE AT THE MOMENT ? : It changes with each day and honestly with each hour tbh. I have a primary and secondary list on my muse list but it isn’t too consistent. Recently it’s been Lydia, Abe ( @cabbxges-and-kings ), Rogers sometimes, Evie. But it varies honestly. Usually I focus on one fandom at a time.

NAME YOUR MUSES YOU HAD IN THE PAST : This is so, so, so cringy and this is the first time I’m admitting it but I used to write a character from the m.arble h.ornets webseries when I first did rp stuff. I wrote Tim mostly because tbh he was the most interesting character in the whole series for me. But overall, I had a western oc that I started tumbllr rp with on my main that I retired and now use as a rp hub,.I had a few ocs on here and another blog that I retired, and an inquisitor oc, Real ones remember my cringy ocs when I started out.

tagged by : @impulse-incorporated​ ( thank you! )

tagging : I’ve seen this on the dash a ton so I’m not sure who hasn’t done this yet. If you see this, steal it from me and tag me!

[maskved]

hello, besties ! this is ami (she/her) and i’m probably late with this intro ! first i’m sorry for mass-liking every post but i’m already in love with all your lovely muses. also i must confess that i’ve only read the first book ( years ago ) and watched the show because i have an attention span of - 10 seconds.  but at least i’m a soc hoe, so we can scream about that ... please ... !!! so if i get anything wrong pls let me know or you can also not let me know and i’ll continue being embarrassing 😔. anyway, if you are interested in some juicy plotting pls LIKE this post or message me ( if you want to plot on discord we can also do that 💖). I’M EXCITED.

PINTEREST  . discor*d     six of hoes🔪#7888  //  YEVA

[ viktoriya zobova ], an [ twenty six ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is  a [ tailor ] and are known in the little palace as the [ viscerotonic ]. they are known to be [ resilient ] and [ elusive ] and vaguely resemble [ kristine froseth ]. 

death tw

- viktoriya zobova ( however, prefers to be called vika because every time one calls her by her full name she might as well be in trouble ) had never been more than average. born to average parents ( although grisha their powers pale compared to others ) into an average family and of course as the middle child, vika strived for more than simply being overlooked.

- truth to be told, she dreaded to be tested. to her it seemed like the final reminder that she was nothing special, average, merely an extra to someone other’s story. she even wished, she wouldn’t be a grisha, fearing that like her parents she’d belong to the lower ranks. however, if she turned out to be a simple human without any power, at least she’d be special within her family or could even try to make a story up that she was adopted or something ( i hate her -- ).

- however, the moment she found out about being able to alter people’s appearances with her ability *atla vc* everything changed - 

- truth to be told she knew she was considered to be lower rank among others but what really fueled her arrogance and the sudden feeling of self importance was her knowing that she possessed a rare ability. she didn’t care others treating her badly for her rank because “hey i can alter appearances and that is lit ( she probably didn’t say it that way - )

- ALSO ( here comes the moment i throw in my found family trope bcs i’m a soc hoe and this actually plays a big role in her story ) she’d found comfort in the friends she met.

- (lemme add my childhood friends trope bcs why not ) as vika was never close to her parents ( to be fair her being taken away for the training at such a young age did not really gave her the time to really bond with her family ) her little group of friends became her second family. they called themselves “blood is thicker water” ( gang ???) bcs 1) vika really thought the saying was blood is thicker water and not blood is thicker than water 2) they thought they were incredibly funny.

- they were pretty much known as troublemakers, especially with vika being a tailor it was easy to sometimes shift the blame on others. truth to be told, it only caused vika to be more frivolous. all the fun they had blinded her judgment and she viewed her ability as harmless.

- well, lets say vika becoming more reckless did not end up being the best character development (lmao). as usual , everything started out as a harmless joke. her friend asked her to change his appearance. however, this time they wanted her to change their whole face. not just the colour of their hair or eyes. vika was reluctant at first, she’d never done it before but in the end she agreed to it and much to her surprise she succeeded. she even bragged about it and told her friends ( of the bloody “blood is thicker water” gang (???) ) .

-  to cut a long story short, their friend ended up dying because of it. i have two versions for their death ( i haven’t decided on it yet *clown emoji*)

1) the person they changed their appearance into apparantly was involed in some shady stuff and had some pretty morally questionable people around him. they thought vika’s friends was that person they were looking for (bcs of the changed appearance) and killed them for some reason.

2) vika’s friend was supposed to be part of some mission they didn’t want to go to, thus changed their appearance to escape from it. however, ended up having to do another mission and ended up being killed. 

RIP nameless but vital character to vika’s bio 

- vika pretty much blamed herself for it and maybe her friends of their friend group as well. this incident also ‘humbled’ vika and now instead of being proud of it she hates it.

- right now, she doesn’t really know what to do with her future. she has this ‘oh so grand’ plan that one day she might be able to change her appearance (permanently) and then leave the little palace and live under a new name and lead a life where she wouldn’t need to use her abilities anymore.

personality ( i’m trying to keep it short i swear, i’m just adding a bunch of sentence here bcs i’m throwing all my ideas into this paragraph)

- she’s known to be pretty social. she loves to talk and honestly doesn’t know when to shut up. she can’t deal with silence because it forces her to think about things she doesn’t want to think about. although, her tongue is sharp and trouble seems to follow her, she also loves to dance around the issue, pushing her feelings away and replacing it with a witty joke instead. as if everyone does it the same way, as if everyone is supposed to understand. 

headcanons

- although she was tempted to change her own appearance many times. she never did because she is a coward and doesn’t trust her skills as much others might think she does.

- she views her ability as a form of art, perhaps that is also the reason she used to love to paint. honestly, she was never really good at it. average and above average with practice. her friend ( the dead one lmao ) used to paint with her whenever they could sneak away but with them gone, she doesn’t see a point in it anymore.

- she secretly envies the other grisha’s who can use their ability to fight. recently, she’d find herself trying to practice some punches so she doesn’t feel that useless in case of a dangerous situation. she also sucks at that so she’s probably in need of a training patner aka someone who is willing to train her or she has annoyed that much that they were willing to help her out ( wc ???)

- being personally trained by the darkling, one might assume that she’s loyal or even thankful towards the darkling. however, contrary is the case and she wouldn’t even grant him a dust particle of her trust. she doesn’t believe that he has the best interest of anyone in his heart and if she could, she’d probably spread rumors about him and telling others that he has some serious case of stanky breath.

wanted connections ( just some ideas, which can be changed ofc ! or some wcs can be connected ) 

(0/3) “blood is thicker water” friend group  : they pretty much grew up together. the death of their friend ( the friend needs a name - i swear...) caused tension within the group. while, one might have blamed vika for their death the other doesn’t and just wants them to be how they used to be. nevertheless, no one can deny that nothing was what it used to be). (( honestly these are just some ideas and we can plot wtv sddm )

training partner ( can be more than one ): connection mentioned in the hcs ! they help her a little out to become physically fit and level up her combat skills of -10. maybe they want something in return for it. help her out bcs they’re just nice or bcs vika annoyed the heck out of them etc.

person vika changed their friend’s appearance into: honestly we can do wtv with it. i just thought it’d be fun to play with the idea and having the person running around when they actually “died” and everyone belieed them to be dead until they found out that it was vika’s friend. might be angsty bcs it might remind vika of their friend.

angsty exes: listen, i love some angsty shit and i love to blame vika for all the problems. they might have dated before the whole dead friend fiasco happened. although, viktoriya acted as if she was fine after the incident ( which she wasn’t ),it only made muse a realize that vika and them weren’t as close as they believed and how much vika tied to hide from them.  BUT tbh anything would work i love a good angsty ex connection djddnd

random idea but i just liked the thought that this person once went to vika for some enhancing stuff. however, this day vika was not really herself, distracted, head in the clouds. so she accidenally might have gotten rid of some important scar or something.

enemies : lbr, vika might prbly be the type who has some enemies. she has no filter and might has stepped on someone toes because of it. (Also maybe gimme some enemies to lovers trope , adding this here quietly to not expose myself as a hoe for that trope )

HONESTLY GIVE ME EVERYTHING, gimme angst, fluff, tropes !!??? more friends, unusual friends, shippy stuff, platonic stuff, family connections djdsd GIMME 

[moonsubinpr]

[Lee Soo Hyuk — 35 — he/him] Introducing MOON SUBIN. Word on the street is they are a PRESS SECRETARY FOR THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY affiliated with the DEMOCRATIC PARTY. Though they are RESERVED and INTIMIDATING, they can also be DEPENDABLE and HARDWORKING. In the chaos of New York City, they’re sure to fit right in.

Biography. Ask. Wanted Connections. 

I. WRITER’S INTRODUCTION

First of all, I want to introduce myself. You all can call me Jackie, and I am a twenty-one year old graduate student residing within the Eastern Standard Timezone (EST). I have been roleplaying for about 10 years now, however, I took a hiatus from writing on Tumblr due to migrating to other platforms that are more mobile friendly in terms of writing. Now that I have a greater availability, as well as not fond of the newfound style of roleplay on platforms such as Twitter or MeWe, I have returned in hopes to better develop characters and build better connections with other writers. Aside from writing, I enjoy spending quality time with my cat, going out to explore newfound areas, thrifting, reading, and watching random reality television shows. I look forward to getting to know everyone! Feel free to message me for plotting, headcanoning, or for a casual conversation. 

II. BASICS

NAME: MOON SUBIN

AGE: THIRTY-FIVE 

DATE OF BIRTH: 1986 MAY 31

GENDER: CISMALE

PRONOUNS: HE / HIM

SEXUALITY: PANSEXUAL 

HOMETOWN: IOWA CITY, IOWA

AFFILIATION: THE GOVERNMENT

JOB POSITION: DISTRICT ATTORNEY’S PRESS SECRETARY 

EDUCATION: BA IN JOURNALISM FROM NYU

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: SINGLE

CHILDREN: NONE

POSITIVE TRAITS: ELOQUENT, INDEPENDENT, INTELLIGENT, RESPONSIBLE, MATURE, REASONABLE

NEGATIVE TRAITS: RESERVED, BLUNT, INTIMIDATING, DEMANDING, SARCASTIC

FACECLAIM: LEE SOO HYUK 

III. POINTS ABOUT THE MUSE

Moon Subin was born into a rather average household in Heukseok-dong, Seoul, South Korea. His mother, a down-to-earth woman with a contagious smile, worked alongside her mother as a food vendor in one of the city’s largest market. The two were acutely known for their blood sausages as well as jangeo-gui (grilled eel). In fact, this is how the young woman met the young businessman. Running from a class with only a few cash in hand, he stopped at mother’s spot, asking for anything he could get with the amount of money available. She laughed at his lack of time management, and he only stated that he’ll make time to see her better next time. The following day, he returned and sat to chat with the woman. 

Subin was unplanned. The two were not yet wedded when discovering that the woman fell pregnant. However, never did the young couple refer to the baby as a mistake. Rather, they saw Subin’s life as a blessing to better plan for their fast approaching future. During the time in which the woman was pregnant, the man was offered an opportunity to continue his university studies abroad. Sent to Iowa City, Iowa, the young couple packed their belongings and settled within the United States. It’s in this city where Subin would be born, granting him American citizenship despite his parents yet to become naturalized citizens. 

Falling in love with the environment, the mother and father went through various means in order to further extend their stay within the country. From a student visa to a work visa, the father was granted more time to better prepare for the examination of becoming U.S. citizens. While his father began to work in a local company specializing in medical prosthetics, his mother worked at a local Chinese restaurant where she befriended Chinese immigrants who helped her with assimilating into the culture. 

Subin grew up in an environment where he witnessed the benefits of hard work. His parents worked many hours in order to provide for him as well as to their community. He found this to be admirable, and this encouraged the young boy to succeed in his academics so that he could provide for his parents in the future. 

He became interested in the field of communications due to constantly acting as the translator for his parents when making doctor appointments or trying to pitch the best deal at a cars dealership. Words were fascinating, and he especially thought this was the case after reading a number of novels written by authors such as H.G. Wells and Amy Tan. His interest in communications got him involved with the morning news at his middle school and high school. During his four years at high school, he also participated in Model UN and the Debate team. These involvements were the result of his great achievements in social studies courses, and his teachers encouraged him to get involved with these extracurricular activities. 

Due to awards achieved in high school, he was granted a scholarship to attend New York University in New York City. Although his parents did not want him to leave their home, they eventually came to terms that this would be good for his future successes. Thus, he went to attend NYU for a Bachelors in Journalism with a minor in Politics. Thanks to amazing professors and establishing connections through networking events, the young man was able to maintain a number of internships---such as volunteering for the current Governor’s former campaign in the creative team for marketing. He later volunteered alongside CNN professionals, and he gained an internship experience with the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office as Press Office Intern. By the time he graduated from university, he’s already met a number of influential, powerful people of the big city. 

 Upon graduation, he was able to get a job at the Manhattan District Attorney Office as Press Officer due to his wonderful performance during his internship with the office. He held this position for two years before being promoted as Deputy Press Secretary for the office. However, in less than 2 years, he was able to maintain the Press Secretary position due to the former Press Secretary’s leave to another office. In another year, he was granted the position of Deputy Director of Communications for the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office. Subin held this position up until he was given the opportunity to work as the city’s District Attorney’s main Press Secretary. 

During his years working for the city and learning about the mishaps behind the scenes, Subin has been able to learn a lot about the dirty truth. He is aware that some of the crimes dealt with in the office are a result to the existing gangs within the city. Although his DA remains slightly oblivious to the people surrounding them, Subin maintains awareness due to the connections he’s established during interviews as well as conferences. They threaten Subin to keep quiet. They ask Subin to twist the truth. He does what keeps him safe, but he holds the knowledge close to his heart. The quiet man knows a lot----perhaps more than what the gangs wish for him to know, and this can be dangerous. One never knows what he can do with all of this knowledge. He could expose them to the public whenever he dares to do so. If he really wanted to, of course.

But, for now, he keeps quiet. He does his job and remains cordial with those he establishes some sorts of connection with. If someone he cares about, though, ever gets hurt, he’s not sure what he’ll do. No one knows.  

IV. WANTED CONNECTIONS

Any and all possible connections within the Government. I would love to further develop and establish connections within the affiliation in order to better understand Subin’s position in the government as well as with Law Enforcement, for he works within the District Attorney Office; therefore, he has connections with lawyers as well as officers. This can be good or bad, I am open to all possibilities. 

For those in Media, Subin is responsible for addressing those in Media in order to report information given by the DA. Those in media could have interviewed Subin, have gone to a number of his press hearings, as well as questioned his intentions or morales within this position. Anyone who does not trust him is very much wanted. A person who trusts him a lot is also wanted. 

To those in any gang, people who has paid him or threatened him to withhold information from the public is very much wanted. Give me some angst in regard to perhaps threatening his family. Perhaps people question how Subin can offerd such a luxurious home or car, and this could be due to payments accepted from those within these organizations. I am open to anything.

I am also interested in a secret relationship that should not be a relationship, however, the two continue to pursue one another in sexual and romantic rendezvous. Subin is not entirely the most relationship-orientated person, however, due to a lot of stress within his career, some fun would be favorable. 

[oneweekoneband]

I’m slightly nauseous already with knowing I’m going to say this, but what does “self-awareness”  even mean? In modern parlance, as a descriptive phrase, as a comment on art? I’m asking in earnest, like, I’ve been Googling lately, which for me is basically on par with doctoral study in terms of academic rigor. The self is king, anyway, tyrant, so where is the line of distinction between material that intentionally is nodding at some truth about the artist’s life and what’s just, like, all the rest of the regular navel-gazing bullshit. I mean, I’m all self, I am guilty here. I can’t get it out of my poems or even make it more quiet. This is the tenth time I’ve invoked “I” in the space of six sentences. Processing art has always necessitated a certain amount of grappling with the creator, but the busywork of it lately grows more and more tedious. Joy drains out of my body parsing marks left behind not just in stylistic tendencies and themes, but in literal, intentional tags like graffiti on a water tower. This feels an age old and moth-holed complaint, dull, and I am no historian, or really a serious thinker of any kind. I’ve now complained at some length about self-referential art, but didn’t I love how Martin Scorsese nodded to the famous Goodfellas Copacabana tracking shot with the opening frames of last year’s The Irishman? Didn’t I find that terribly fun and sort of sweet? So there’s distinctions. I’m only saying I don’t know with certainty what they even are. I’m unreliable, and someone smarter than me has likely already solved my quandary about why self-knowledge often transforms into overly precious self-reflexivity in such a way that the knowledge is diminished and obscured, leaving only cutesy Easter eggs behind. Postmodernism has birthed a moralizing culture where art exists to be termed either “self-aware Good” or “self-aware Bad”.  Self-referentiality in media is so commonplace, so much the standard, that what was once credited as metatextual inventiveness often feels lazy now. In 1996, Scream was revitalizing a genre. Today, two thirds of all horror movies spend half their running time making sure that you know that they know they’re a horror movie, which is fine, I guess, except sometimes you just wanna watch someone get butchered with an axe in peace. 

This is all to say that in 2020 Taylor Swift looked long and hard upon her image in the reflecting pool of her heart and has written yet another song about Gone Girl.

“mirrorball” is a very good piece of Gone Girl —feels insane to tell anyone reading a post on a blog what Gone Girl is but, you know, the extremely popular 2012 novel about a woman who pretends to have been murdered and frames her husband for it, and subsequently the 2014 film adaption where you kinda see Ben Affleck’s dick for a second—fanfiction. It would be a fine song, a good song, really, even if it weren’t that, if it were just something normal and not unhinged written by a chill person who behaves in a regular way, but we need to acknowledge the facts for what they are. When Taylor Swift watched Rosamund Pike toss her freshly self-bobbed hair out of her face and hiss, “You think you’d be happy with some nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby. I’m it!” her brain lit up like a Christmas tree, and she’s never been the same. If you Google “taylor swift gone girl” there waiting for you will be a medium sized lake’s worth of articles speculating about how Gone Girl influenced and is referenced in past Swift singles “Blank Space” and “Look What You Made Me Do”. This is not new behavior, and if anything it’s getting a bit troubling to think that it’s been this long since Taylor’s read another book. Still, while the prior offerings were a fair attempt at this particular feat of depravity, “mirrorball” has brought Taylor’s Amy Elliott Dunne deification to stunning new heights. And most importantly, Taylor has done a service to every person alive with more than six brain cells and a Internet connection by putting an end to the “Cool Girl” discourse once and for all. By the power invested in “mirrorball”, it is hereby decreed that the Cool Girl speech from Gone Girl is neither feminist or antifeminist, not ironic nor aspirational. No. It’s something much better than all that. It’s a threat. I ! Can ! Change ! Everything ! About ! Me ! To ! Fit ! In !

Gone Girl (2012) by Gillian Flynn

“mirrorball” (2020) by Taylor Swift

When the twinkly musical stylings of Jack Antonoff, a man I distinctly distrust, but for no one specific reason, whirl to life at the beginning of this song I feel instantly entranced, blurry-brained and pleasure-pickled like an infant beneath a light-up crib mobile or, I guess, myself in the old times, the outside times, three tequila sodas deep under the disco lights at The Short Stop. Under a mirrorball in my head. I know very little about music, as a craft, and I really don’t care to know more. I’m happy in a world of pure, dumb sensation. I’m not even sure what kind of instruments are making these jangly little sounds. I just like it. I am vibing. We may not ever be able to behave badly in a club again, but I can sway to my stupid Taylor Swift-and-the-brother-of-the-lady-who-makes-like-those-sweatshirts-with-little-sayings-or-like-vulvas-which-famous-white-women-wear-on-instagram-you-know-what-I-mean song, pressing up onto my tiptoes on the linoleum tile of our kitchen floor and can feel for a second or two something approaching bliss. “mirrorball” is a lush sound bath that I like a lot and then also it’s about being all things to all people, chameleoning at a second’s notice, doing Oscar worthy work on every Zoom call, performing the you who is good, performing the you who is funny, performing the you who draws a liter of your own blood and throws it around the kitchen then cleans it up badly all to get your husband sent to jail for sleeping with a college student... Too much talk about making and unmaking of the self is way too, like, 2012 Tumblr for me now, and I start hearing the word “praxis” ring threateningly in my head, but I’m not yet so evolved that I don’t feel a pull. Musings on the disorganized self—on how we are new all the time, and not just because of all the fresh skin coming up under the dead, personhood in the end so frighteningly flexible—are always going to compel me, I’m afraid, but that goes double for musings on the disorganized self which posit that Taylor Swift still thinks Amy Dunne made some points.

Because on “mirrorball” Taylor is for once not hamfistedly addressing some “hater”, in the quiet and the lack of embarrassing martyrdom it actually offers an interesting answer to the complaint that Taylor is insufficiently self-aware. This criticism emerges often in tandem with claiming to have discovered some crack in the chassis of Swift’s public self, revealing the sweetness to be insincere. My instinct is to dismiss this more or less out of hand as just a mutation of the school of thought that presumes all work by women must be autobiography. And, regardless, it is made altogether laughable by the fact that anyone actually paying attention has known since at least Speak Now, a delightful record populated by the most appalling, horrible characters imaginable, and all of them written by a twenty year old Taylor Swift, that this woman is a pure weirdo. To accuse Taylor Swift of lacking in self-awareness is a reductive misunderstanding, I think, of artifice. Being a fake bitch takes work. Which is to say, if we agree that her public self is a calculated performance—eliding the fact that all public selves are a performance to avoid getting too in the weeds yadda yadda— why, then, should it be presumed that performance is rooted in ignorance? Would it not make more sense that, in fact, someone able to contort themselves so ably into various shapes for public consumption would have a certain understanding of the basic materials they’re working with and concealing? Taylor Swift, in a decade and a half of fame, has presented herself from inside a number of distinct packages. The gangly teenager draped in long curls like climbing wisteria who wrote lyrics down her arms in glitter paint gave way to red lipstick, a Diet Coke campaign, and bad dancing at awards shows. There was the period where she was surrounded constantly by a gaggle of models, then suddenly wasn’t anymore, and that rough interlude with the bleached hair. The whole Polaroid thing. Last year she boldly revealed she’s a democrat. Now it’s the end of the world and she’s got frizzy bangs and flannels and muted little piano songs. Perhaps this endless shape-shifting contradicts or undermines, for some, the pose of tender authenticity which has remained static through each phase, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t been doing it all on purpose the entire time. I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try...

In the Disney+ documentary—which, in order to watch, I had to grudgingly give the vile mouse seven dollars, because the login information that I’d begged off of my little sister didn’t work and I was too embarrassed to bring it up a second time—Taylor referred to “mirrorball” as the first time on the album where she explicitly addressed the pandemic, referring to the lyrics that start, “And they called off the circus, Burned the disco down,” and end with “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me,” which actually did made me laugh, feeling sort of warmly foolish and a little fond, because it never would have occurred to me that she was trying to be literal there. I suppose we really do all contain multitudes. Hate that.

[sirenva]

╰ ✧ BARBARA PALVIN. MUSE FOUR. PANSEXUAL ❞ say hello to the s club’s very own SIRENA ROSE GELLERT! a TWENTY-TWO year old CISFEMALE that goes by SHE/HER pronouns. i heard they were voted MOST LIKELY TO END UP FAMOUS in high school, which says a lot about them because they’re very CREATIVE and SOCIABLE, but watch out for their LUSTFUL and QUICK TEMPERED side as well. i hope they’re ready to take a break from being a SINGER/SONGWRITER and finally get this summer started!

hi lovelies ! to all the new members, i just want to say thank you so much for joining us in our revamp ! i’m SO excited to see what’s to come for the sclub this summer and all the drama and angst that’ll come with it 💖 i’m gonna recap a bit of sirena’s background and then explain what’s happened to her between last summer and this one, just so we’re all on the same page ! as always, if you wanna plot / replot w/ my bby here, just give this a like and i’ll come ( lovingly ) attack you 🥰

meet sirena !

name: sirena rose gellert

stage name: sirena rose

nicknames: rena or rose

age: twenty-one

dob: 08/05/97

zodiac: leo

sexuality: bisexul / biromantic

occupation: singer / songwriter

voiceclaim: amy lee

family: marvin rose ( father, 43 y/o ) krystal roads ( mother, 42 y/o ) no siblings

likes: singing, dancing, clubs, dark chocolate, concerts, anything heart shaped, cool colors, swimsuit season, amusement parks, big dogs over small dogs, drinking games, coffee, S E X,

dislikes: movies that last longer than two hours, small spaces, anything political, silence, monopoly, puzzles, honestly anything that keeps her inside for too long

quick background recap !

mother and father are two TOTAL opposites, like how the hell did these two even get married in the first place ??

mother is a wild child who loves to travel and live her best life ; father is a responsible and hard working man who’s a homebody and likes to stay in one place

the two ended up divorcing when sirena was seven due to her mother cheating b/c she felt so trapped by the marriage, and her father got full custody of rena cause her mother believed it was for the best, but she made sure to visit sirena and call her as much as possible 

rena was a lot closer to her mom than her dad growing up, and her dad was scared she was gonna end up just like the woman that broke his heart

this caused rena’s relationship with her father to be pretty rocky and difficult to deal with, so the two never really got along while she grew up, more so wishing she could travel the world with her mom instead

rena has been singing since she was a baby, her parents wearing that she learned how to sing before she could even talk, and her passion for music has simply stuck with her ever since

she knows how to play the guitar, piano, and a little bit of the drums

currently in the band something strange with ali, arlo and willow, and all the songs they sing are written by them, and sirena prides herself in that

ended up thinking she was in love with muse five, which is why she broke her morals and ended up having an affair with them behind her best friend’s back. that secret came out last summer and rena has been very lost since then b/c muse one has been her best friend for YEARS, and suddenly she feels very empty without the other

currently doing her best to focus on her music career and help rise up on the charts, as well and trying to better herself as well

PAST YEAR

rena mainly focused on her music career, writing an endless amount of broken hearted songs since it’s the main emotion she has right now. thankfully it’s earned the band higher numbers on the charts, as well as some exclusive interviews and bigger venue’s to preform at, so at least her heartbreak is helping her career alkdsjflksdj just call her the new and improved taylor swift i suppose

she’s also currently juggling her relationship with @cartwrightluca​, who went through some heavy bumps in the road due to luca being back at college while rena travels, so the distance between them is one they didn’t realize would be harder than they thought. thankfully they’ve managed to work things out over the year, and are still happily together and going strong 

honestly if anyone wants to plot out things that happened between your muse and rena since last summer, def let me know ! i’m honestly up for anything, and i can’t wait to plot with everyone !! 💖💖🥰🥰

[nxtritething]

TASK001 : MUN QUESTIONNAIRE 

name  /  alias : caro / care / carebear gender  /  pronouns : female / she&her where  ya  from  ? : u s of a .  orig n y c. the  current  time :  9 pm ( when i started? ) , 1 pm ( when i finished ) job  or  major :  i majored in mechanical engineering and math. no, i canno favorite  thing  (  s  )  about  yourself :  i have some good one-liners.

why  you  joined  hqclouds :  ... i helped make it. also its felt like a long while since i got to play some of my favorite babes, and i just missed them, so i obviously had to jump at an opportunity to bring them back !!!

meaning  behind  url :  it’s uh...... next right thing ,  as in anna’s big song in frozen 2. and i just felt it like, FIT. 

last  thing  you  googled :  zac efron high school musical gif icons, bc i wanted to use for this, but then that account was flagged as adult content and i guess those beloved gifs are lost to the void now...

zodiac :  pisces in  your  opinion  ,  does  your  sign  suit  you  ? : yes. i am a crying fish. also i’m a pisces venus. it makes a LOT of sense. myers  -  briggs :  istj ??? i think?? moral  alignment :  i can be chaotic good, but mostly neutral neutral i think hogwarts  house : i used to be a slytherin, now i’m a hufflepuff. idk what happened to me.

three  fictional  character  (  s  )  you  see  yourself  in  +  why :  uhhhh... 1) bubbles from powerpuff girls. because i am baby. 2) juliet o’hara from psych. i’ve just been rewatching a lot of psych and i love how she’s such a serious yet funny / soft and idk why i just relate to that. 3) john mulaney in mulaney. because this is a cop-out to say i relate to anything / everything john edmund mulaney every does.

i  started  roleplaying : i first started on some fourms ??? on an app on my itouch ??? but my first tumblr rp group was percy jackson and everyone though i was this all knowing pjo fan... when really i was just fast to look shit up on the wikia. i had never read a single page of the series. types  of  rps  i  enjoy :  fandoms, typically ! i used to be exclusively love animated roleplays? like cartoons? but then i transitioned to musicals? like, exclusively playing musical characters??? at this point, tara is like the one exception nowadays... favorite  fcs  to  use :  um... olivia holt is a recent fave? joshua basset, also. my old faves are mary kate wiles and hunter parrish tho. real old. otherwise, i don’t know if i’d say i get attached to fc’s? fandom  (  s  )  you’d  like  to  write  in : i kinda wanna go back to some of my cartoon roots, maybe? i really haven’t deviated from the same 8 - 9 mostly musical characters in literally years...  fandom  (  s  )  you  aren’t  in  but  are  curious  about :  um... the raven cycle ,  miraculous ladybug  , uh..... everything else. i’m so randomly interested in everything.

share  a  funny  roleplay  horror  story :  my favorite is when i was in a youtuber rpf / oc rp, and this girl... made an oc... and made the fc... herself. she made a literal self-insert oc. with herself as the face. like low-res gifs of herself. why, you ask? i think she was trying to ship herself with dan howell. that didn’t age well, did it?

favorite  canon  muse  (  s  )  to  play : do i just list all the characters i’ve been playing for literal years? my recent faves are katherine plumber from newsies and princess anna. favorite  original  muse  (  s  )  to  play : i had a hunter parrish oc. he was in both the pjo and youtube rp. he was obsessed with hanging out with trees and pranks. don’t ask me why. canon  ships  you  can’t  help  but  love :  kristoff / anna , jack kelly / katherine plumber , jake peralta / amy santiago , orpheus / eurydice , && donny novitski / julia trojan. yes, most of these are musicals. who doesn’t love a good love ballad? trope  (  s  )  you  tend  to  be  guilty  of : uhh... adorkable, one of the boys, badass adorable

i  prefer  .  .  . angst  ,  smut  ,  or  fluff :  i am a massive sucker for fluff, but i’m so guilty of angst... i love pain. i don’t really do smut tho. sorry. long  or  short  replies :  i generally prefer short replies, unless we’ve somehow developed a thread into something long. or i’m feeling particularly inspired. pre  plotting  or  chemistry : i love chemistry with all my heart, but sometimes it’s fun to plot past connections that can reignite? idk. mostly chemistry sentence  starters  or  headcanon  memes : headcanon memes, because im never creative to turn a sentence starter into something that makes sense, esp between two characters who don’t know each other. single  muse  or  multimuse  blogs :  multimuse, because i spent too many years reblogging replies to the wrong sideblog and those days are over !!! gif  icons  ,  medium  gifs  ,  or  static  icons : i prefer gif icons for shorter replies and medium gifs for longer ones... or whatever my partner is using. i like some sort of consistency.

grab  the  book  nearest  to  you  and  pull  a  quote  from  it : ‘ what’s the rush? ’ repeat this phase when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. ask yourself whether somethings really needs doing immediately. are you ignoring your needs in order to do it?  - the little book of sloth philosophy. 

what’s  a  quote  or  song  lyric  that  speaks  to  your  soul  ? : “ did you fall? or did you let go? ”  -  connor murphy to evan hansen, dear evan hansen. ( idk why this immediately jump to mind but... )

top  current  celebrity  crushes :  jeremy jordan, corey cott, jordan fisher, claire saffitz, brian david gilbert. last  movie  you  watched :  bridal boot camp did  you  like  it  ? :  yes. i loved it. it’s absolute garbage and i loved it. favorite  movie  (  s  )    of  all  time : idk but i can always rewatch prince of egypt. godspell favorite  tv  show  (  s  )  of  all  time : uhh.... i keep rewatching psych.   favorite  tv  show  (  s  ) that  hasn’t  ended : brooklyn nine-nine, zoey’s extraordinary playlist. sports  team  (  s  )  you  rep : uh... grew up in a yankee / mets household. favorite  video  game  (  s  ) : pokemon, animal crossing  favorite  youtube  channels : drew gooden, danny gonzalez, jenna marbles.

put  your  music  on  shuffle.  what  six  songs  pop  up  ? :

greased lightin’ from grease live ; oh mother by hunter parrish ; nerds by bo burnham ; a miracle would happen / when you come home to me from the last five years ; just another day from next to normal ; who tells your story from hamilton mixtape. 

i haven’t listened to any of these in forever, but i am still, indeed, musical theater trash.

personal  aesthetic : demin overalls, scrunchies, the color teal, big stuffed animals. dream  vacation  ? : somewhere beautiful with people i love. dream  job  ? : perhaps like designing custom 3D prosthetics dream  car  ? :  i hate driving, but a big ol’ truck. like suv. big one. favorite  musical : gospell, dear evan hansen, bandstand, newsies, shrek the musical, mamma mia, i could go on... unwatched  stuff  in  your  netflix  /  hulu  /  etc :  sailor moon crystal, crash landing on you, locke & key, all the bright places, the half of it, younger, meteor, hello my twenties ...

what’s  a  subject  you  know  too  much  about  +  never  get  tired  of  talking  about  ? : musicals. so many musicals. i know both know too much and not enough.

[dontdietwd]

Day 63

The sun had arrived as ruthless as always before we knew it, nature ignoring the tragedy that had happened just hours before. Other than the four children, nobody had slept. They had been tucked in together in one of the tents, Lori, Carol and Miranda staying with them for the remainder of the night.

Sofia had the worst time to sleep of them all. She had been with her mother when both of them, accompanied by Shane, went looking for Ed, who had seemed to disappear during the whole ordeal. His lifeless form laid at the entrance of their destroyed tent. Carol had been paralyzed; a roller coaster of emotions surely taking over her mind, but Sofia had cried and had not talked much about it. Ed’s body had been dragged away and the tent taken down after Carol removed hers and Sofia’s belongings, and she still had had no reaction. Now she sat on a camping chair facing the RV, staring at where Amy’s lifeless body was being mourned closely by her sister.

I was sitting close to her on detached car seats, Lori, Dale and Shane also around, silent. After sighing in defeat, Lori got up from her seat and walked over to Andrea, slowly and carefully. She crouched down by her and stayed there for just a couple of minutes before returning and sitting back just as quietly.

A little away from them, Daryl, Glenn, Morales and T-Dog were taking care of the walkers’ corpses, perforating their brains one more time just to be sure none of them were about to get up again and attack, before dragging them over to a fire. They were sweaty, bloody, and reeking, but everybody else was thankful they were doing it.

“She still won’t move?” Rick asked when he joined us.

“She won’t even talk to us,” Lori answered gloomily. “She’s been there all night. What do we do?”

“Can’t just leave Amy like that,” Shane rumbled quietly. “We need to deal with it, before – before it happens.”

“I’ll tell her how it is,” Rick said before stepping towards her.

“Leave her,” I said firmly, but also quietly. Rick stopped and looked down at me, an eyebrow raised. “It’s her sister. Her choice.”

“Amy will turn any –”

“She knows it,” I looked up at him. “Andrea knows it, and she’s choosing to deal with it like this. I disagree, I’d’ve finished it hours ago, but Amy’s her sister. She’s hers to decide.”

Rick stared at me challengingly for a longer moment before looking down, staring at Andrea for another moment and looking back at me before nodding reluctantly.

“Ya can’t be serious,” we all turned to look at Daryl, who had joined with the pickax resting on his shoulder, but he was looking at me. “The dead girl’s a time bomb.”

“Ya think I don’t know that?” I rose to my feet.

“What do you suggest?” Rick asked, smaller group gathering to talk about it.

“Take the shot!” Daryl spoke clearly. “Clean, in the brain, from here. Hell, I can hit a turkey between the eyes from this distance!”

“Maybe we should, but she’s Andrea’s”, I insisted, trying to make him see my point. “Not our decision. She turns, we’ll have enough time to react. We’re watching, we’ll see it happen. You remember how it is, they get all noisy and rise slowly. There’ll be time.”

Nobody said anything, watching carefully as Daryl stared angrily at me, clearly disagreeing but not saying anything. He turned around after a few seconds. I hated that I’d been making him angry in the past few days and hoped we’d recover from that.

“You reap what you sow!” he growled aloud for anyone around to hear. “Ya’ll left my brother for dead. You had this coming!”

He turned his back and stormed away before he could see how much it stung me to hear it. I left Merle. I had this coming. I sat back down on the car seat, eyeing Amy carefully, wondering if anything I had done differently would have avoided it all from happening. The youngest adult member of the group was gone, along with Ed – who was not a huge loss, I admitted – and the lives of everybody else had been hanging on the line only hours before. It all could have been over, just like that.

“A walker got him!”

Once again, all heads turned. Jackie was hurriedly stepping away from Jim, her voice denouncing how terrified she was. “A walker bit Jim!”

“I’m okay!” Jim said defensively.

Everybody was on their feet as one, rounding Jim suspiciously as he looked around and repeated he was okay. One more. No, not one more!

“Show it to us,” Daryl said as he returned to the group, pickax in hand.

“No, back off,” Jim cried as the men surrounded him. Scared, he bent down and grabbed the first tool he found on the ground, a shovel, and motioned it threatening to attack.

“Easy Jim!” Shane approached with his own shovel in hand.

“Just show it, Jim!” I tried a bit behind the others, but Jim only attacked the air again, desperation clear in his eyes. I looked at T-Dog, the only one standing behind Jim and nodded at him, eyes slithering from him to Jim. Nodding sharply once, T-Dog rushed over and held Jim from behind, the shovel falling to the ground, in a tight bear-hug around his chest.

“I’m okay! I’m okay!” Jim continued chanting as Daryl approached and lifted his dirty shirt. There, very clearly, a bright, red jaw shaped mark marred his stomach. He was let go immediately, everyone having seen it. He kept repeating he was okay, his tone declaring even he didn’t believe his words.

“You sure you’re okay?” I asked him nearby, but not getting close enough. “You’re bit, how can you be okay?”

“I don’t know! I – I just – I ain’t feeling anything. I’m okay, I swear.”

“Fuck!” I turned around, hands gripping my head. “How does this work? Anybody seen this before?” Everyone around me shook their heads, negative answers on worried faces. “I’ve seen people dying from bites, but they died right away!”

“Died losing blood,” Daryl’s tone was still angry. “Bite in the neck, like D and Owen that night.”

“And Amy just now,” I completed him.

“Jim’s not bleeding enough to die fast,” Rick joined them, followed closely by Shane.

“But he gonna. Anytime now,” Daryl told them darkly. “I say we shove a pickaxe in his head and the dead girl’s and be done with it.”

“Is that what you’d want if it were you?” Shane questioned him.

“Yeah, and I’d thank you while you did it.”

“I hate to say it,” said Dale, who’d been quiet so far. “I never thought I would, but maybe Daryl’s right.”

“Jim’s not a monster, Dale, or some rabid dog!” Rick muttered angrily.

“I’m not suggesting –”

“He’s sick! A sick man. We start down that road, where do we draw the line?”

“Line’s pretty clear for me,” I said with crossed arms. “No tolerance for walkers –”

“Or them to be!” Daryl completed.

“Yeah, but he’s still Jim, not a dead body about to turn,” I looked away from Daryl to everybody else. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

“What if we can help him?” Rick asked. “I heard the CDC was working on a cure.”

“I heard that too, heard a lot of things before the world went to hell,” Shane said by his side.

“What if they’re still there?” I mused.

“Man, that is a stretch right there…” Shane disbelieved.

“Why?” Rick asked right back. “If there’s any government left, any structure at all, they’d protect the CDC at all costs, wouldn’t they?”

“Could be a good shot. Maybe some kind of shelter, protection…” I agreed as I my rolled tense neck.

“We all want those things, alright?” Shane gesture to me, but moved on, looking at Rick. “I do too. Now, if they exist, they’d be at the army base. Fort Benning.”

“And you never spoke about it ‘til now, why?” she asked.

“Thought we were safe here, alright?” he barked at me, raising his voice. By my side, I could feel Daryl tense, getting a bit closer to me, and I was relieved to know even if he was mad at me he still had my back. “But now we ain’t!”

“Fort Benning is a hundred miles away from me, if not more,” I said firmly; voice also a little up, but letting past his moment.

“That is right. But it’s away from the hot zone.”

“What is the hot zone?” Lori asked as she stood between Shane and her husband. “How do we know it’s safe?”

“I think it’s our best shot. If the place is still operational, it’ll be heavy armed, we’d be safe there.” Rick stated firmly.

“The military were on the front lines of this thing,” Shane still clearly disagreed. “They got overrun, we’ve all seen that.”

“The CDC is like a fort, ain’t it?” I asked looking around, and didn’t pay attention as I saw Daryl looking at Jim over his shoulder. “They contain diseases and cures inside, it’s also heavily guarded. Might be just as safe as a real Fort, and might have a way to help Jim, with infirmary, labs, whatever the hell they have in there.”

“Yeah, you go looking for aspirin, do what you need to do,” Daryl started by my side and bent down to get his pickax from the ground and started walking backwards. “Someone need to have some balls to take care of this fuckin’ problem!”

Raising the pickax, he lunged towards Jim. I was running without thinking of it, Rick and Shane close behind. I reached Daryl faster than he reached Jim and placed myself between him and the sick man, hands raised. Daryl stopped immediately, staring angrily at me once again, just as Rick pointed his gun at the back of his head, the sound of it uncorking loud in everyone’s ears.

“We don’t – kill – the living,” the sheriff roared.

After one more moment of looking at Sam, breathing hard in fury, Daryl looked back at Rick, weapon still raised. “That’s funny coming from a man who just put a gun to my head.”

“Daryl,” I called and he turned back. I didn’t get scared with his look and moved on calmly. “Come on, put it down. We’ll decide what to do, there’s still time. Come on.”

Sneering, Daryl threw the pickax to the ground, noisily, and stormed away once again. Rick stepped towards Jim and I, but I stopped him.

“People have got to stop pointing guns at each other around here,” I stared up at him. “Let’s just save it for the walkers, shall we? Got enough problems already.”

Placing the gun back into his waist holster, Rick nodded at me. “As long as people don’t threaten each other with other weapons, sure.” With that he rounded me and reached Jim, reaching out for his arm. “Come with me.”

“Where’re you taking me?” he asked, terror in his voice.

“Somewhere safe.”

The group had dispersed. I looked around, trying to find Daryl, but couldn’t see him. Maybe it was for the best. He was too angry, too hot-headed; perhaps staying alone for a while would help. I knew she needed to be alone; my chest ached in agony, too much was happening, three losses in the same day in a group that was already small was too much. The camp that had been something like an oasis of safety so far – the only walkers they had seen up there had been on the first day, when they’d cleared it all up, and then just at the edges of the set perimeter – never this close, never a real risk to our lives. It wasn’t safe anymore, that much was clear. Sitting back against the car seats, and raising my hands to cover my eyes, I thought about Rick and Shane’s opinion on where to go now.

I asked myself whether I was disagreeing with Shane’s position just because I always tended to disagree with him, or if I really believed Rick was right. I had wondered before if the CDC place Daryl, Merle and I had heard about on the radio during those first days at their house, was still running. I had hoped so, but only because maybe they’d find a cure – but I had never wished to actually go there. Seeing our situation now – the stink of the dead bodies burning not too far away; the four children sitting quietly together, eyes wide and traumatized; Dale sitting on the floor by Andrea, the lively woman who was now the image of sadness over the loss of her sister; the threat of a new attack at any minute hanging over the group’s heads – I decided the CDC was where I would want to go if the decision was solely mine.

Getting up and popping my neck again, I found my axe where I had left it by the seat, on the ground, and decided to help the others at finishing the remaining walkers spread along the ground. There weren’t many left, just four of five that had been dragged and gathered in front of the RV – Ed Pelletier included. Heading there, I saw Daryl had returned to work, pickaxe sinking into a walker’s skull. I stopped, though, when I saw Carol approach Daryl, looking down at her husband’s dead body. This far, I couldn’t hear what she said, but I decided to not go there, taking a step back, when Carol reached out, asking Daryl for his pickaxe. He handed it to her after a moment of thought, not saying anything. Both Daryl and I watched as the woman stared at her husband for a moment, pain all over her face, before sinking it heavily into Ed’s head, an involuntary groan following. Three more times she did it, a mixture of crying and groaning and raging over whatever she had in mind at that moment.

My heart ached for her, my throat tightening and eyes pricking. I could only imagine what Carol was feeling, but my heart felt for her anyway. After Carol had stopped, Ed’s head all but gone into a mass of blood and brain, I took a step towards her, even without knowing what to do or say, but Carol gave Daryl back the pickax, nodded at him and left, walking towards where I was standing. She gave me a sad, tight lipped smile and reached out a hand. I took it and Carol squeezed it for a quick moment before letting go and keeping on her way without a word. She sat down by Dale on the car seats.

I looked up to where Daryl was still standing and holding the pickax. We gazed at each other for a few seconds; his expression already a bit softened, relaxing more as we looked at each other. It was like we were talking without words about our recent disagreements. I was about to go with him, help him with the last walkers, maybe talk about our disagreements, but I never did.

A groan sounded around camp. Raising the hand holding the axe and looking around frantically to find out what had happened – everybody else around also became alert from one second to the next, guns and other weapons at the ready – I found Andrea holding the walker that used to be her little sister barely away from her face, Amy’s jaw opened, eyes dead and hungry. A circle around the two of them started closing slowly but surely, people with weapons drawn, prepared. Andrea was talking to Amy, surprisingly calm, and nobody else had to intervene. A gunshot cursed loudly after, finally the last one to be fired in camp.

 * * *

 The day did not seem to be getting anywhere near better. The holes Jim dug up were useful, in the end. Discussions of whether we should burn or bury the bodies only delayed the act we all seemed to be subconsciously avoiding. Andrea insisted in burying Amy by herself, but Dale ended up helping her. There was sadness, people crying and a heaviness of spirit like there would be in any real funeral. When it was over and we walked away, back towards camp, the silence was weighty and uncertain. There seemed to be nothing else we had to do now, nothing urgent to be resolved before finally making a decision. I walked alone, a few steps behind the group, until Daryl looked back and spotted me. He slowed his steps and when I reached him, he stopped, a hand touching my arm briefly.

“What now?” he mumbled gravely at her.

“We gotta leave. It ain’t safe no more.”

“And where? Opinion’s divided ‘round here; Fort Benning like Shane wants or the CDC like Sheriff Andy Taylor over there?” he pointed with a nod of his head to where Rick and Lori were quietly discussing something, probably same thing Daryl and I were discussing.

“I think the CDC,” I told him, arms crossed as we stood close together. “If we’re gonna try to get help for Jim before he kicks it, it’s gotta be there.”

“What if he dies and turns on the way there? Inside the RV with people around?” Daryl sounded annoyed yet again, but his voice was still low. “I don’t wanna risk that happening. Heard Dale saying he’s got a fever already, a bad one. It’s a matter of time.”

“We’ll keep an eye on him. Daryl, he’ll die first, and then turn. So, if he does die, I’ll stab him in the eye myself, right away, never give him time to turn. Really, this ain’t worrying me.”

“Nah. Nah, no way.” Daryl took a step back, shaking his head. “We’re travelling, you’re in the truck with me,” se said pointing at me and at himself as he spoke, “like it was before. It was you, me, and Merle, not gonna be just me there now. Anything happen on the road, you’re in the truck with me.”

He finished and stared at me, hard eyes. Arms crossed, I returned the look, wordless for a moment before nodding, my eyes still on him. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay!” I raised my voice. “I’ll ask Glenn or T to take care of it. It’s okay.”

“Fine.”

“Fine. The CDC then?”

“Yeah, ‘suppose,” he paused, voice calmer now. “Maybe we can get some doctor to look at you too… You know.”

“Oh,” I looked down, one hand unconsciously rising to cover my stomach. “Yeah… I guess.”

 * * *

 The RV was nearly as hot as the tents used to be under the sun. The windows were open, but no wind seemed to relieve the heat. Carol was inside, sitting by Jim, drying the sweat from his feverish brows.

“His fever’s worse,” Carol told us Lori, Rick and I entered the tight space.

“You need anything?” Rick asked the man.

“Uh… Water?” he asked raspy. “Could use some water…”

“I’ll get some,” Lori smiled sadly. “Carol, you wanna help me?”

Nodding wordlessly, Carol got up and left with Lori as I glued myself to the bathroom for them to pass. When they left, I squeezed into the space with Rick, we both taking seat by the sick man.

“You save a grave for me?” Jim asked looking from one to the other.

“Nobody wants that…” Rick shook his head gloomily.

“It’s not about what you want,” Jim tried to smile, but failed. “That sound you heard? That’s God laughing while you make plans.”

“Jim,” I started, my voice firmer than how I felt, and reached out to take his warm hand in mine. “We want to try and help you. Okay? We ain’t gonna give up on you.”

“You ain’t?” he looked at me, now really smiling. “Not what your boyfriend seemed to want before…”

“Not happening. You don’t worry about that,” I squeezed his hand, not bothering to correct him.

“What we want, Jim, if God allows, is to get you some help,” Rick also tried some reassurance.

Jim tried to say something at that, but a wave of nausea took over him. I took hold of a bucket that had already been lying there for that exact purpose and held it for him as he threw up, coughing and spitting for a long moment.

“Watch the mangroves,” he said breathing hard as he settled down on the thin mattress again. “Their roots will gouge the whole boat. You know that, right?” he looked at me, eyes glassy. “Amy is there swimming. You’ll watch the boat, right? You said you would.”

I heard him talk, quietly, my chest tightening painfully at his words. He seemed not to be there anymore, out of nowhere. I stole a look at Rick, who wore the same sad, scared expression I was sure I did. Squeezing his hand yet again, I looked again at Jim. “I’ll watch the boat. Don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay…” he whispered before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

Rick and I stayed there for a moment longer, quietly, looking down at our sleeping, sick friend. I then looked at him again and nodded. “I’m up for the CDC. I’ll talk to the others.”

Rick smiled. “Thank you. Shane doesn’t think we should…”

“Shane does not make as many decisions as he thinks he does ‘round here,” I said darkly and got up, rounding Rick to go out of the RV. He followed me without a second thought and, as we reached the door, Shane’s voice just outside greeted us.

“I guess I’ll just add it to the list of habits that I’m breaking, whether I like it or not.”

“What habits?” Rick asked from behind me as we stepped out.

Shane turned around on the spot he’d been speaking to Lori and looked from Rick to me and back. “Just talking about my need for a plan. So, what is it? Are we leaving or not?” He then looked right at me, speaking to me more than to Rick. “Maybe we should just stay here. We could hang some more tin cans.”

“Tin cans didn’t help last night, Shane, you know that, come on. Tin cans didn’t avoid walkers getting to us and eating up Amy and Ed, and now Jim’s –” I stopped that train of thought abruptly. “It ain’t safe. It was never supposed to be a fix camp; it was always supposed to be temporary. No better timing to get the fuck outta here.”

Silent and licking his lips, Shane nodded, but looked back at Rick just the same, hoping for some different opinion.

“We can’t stay here,” his friend told him. “We both know that.”

“I was just telling Shane I think we should trust your gut,” Lori said to Rick, but he didn’t answer for a long time, looking fixedly at Shane. I knew better than to say something now, some trust issue clearly going on between the former police partners.

“Let’s go do our sweep,” Shane told him and Rick nodded, them both turning to leave. Rick looked and nodded at me before leaving and I reached out to give his arm a slap in understanding. Rick was going to try and convince Shane of what I had already decided was going to happen.

Night was already approaching by the time they came back. I had spent the last few minutes packing my stuff and telling Daryl to do the same because we would be leaving in the morning. My tent still up was the last thing I’d need to pack in the morning. The whole group was around the low fire – Andrea had been nodding off on a folding chair – when the two men came around. Rick crouched down by his son and Shane crouched down a bit apart from them, but closer to me. He looked at me solemnly and nodded, clearly giving me the authorization. Giving him that, I also nodded and sat straightened in my chair.

“So, uh,” I started, making everyone look at me. “We went through Rick’s idea of leaving camp and trying to find help in the CDC. I agree with him. I know there’re no guarantees, that we don’t know what we gonna find there and that it is a risk, but also, I mean… We all know that everything is pretty much a risk these days. Staying here, after what happened last night, is no longer an option. Jim’s hanging by a thread, so we’ll try the CDC before anything happens to him, maybe we can find help. Not only for him, but for all of us.  So…” I paused for a moment to look around and finished decidedly, “so if everybody agrees, we’re leaving first thing in the morning.”

[nothingunrealistic]

top ten jared & evan interactions in the deh novel

honorable mention) the following texts sent to evan by jared:

“you’re the best. i really mean that.”

“grapefruits. your balls are the size of grapefruits. how do you walk around with those things in your pants?”

“i was going to text you.”

10) jared quoting amy winehouse in an email and evan making him take it out (“that’s a song.” “a great song.”)

9) evan claiming he could probably figure out how to backdate the emails on his own and jared throwing time zone technobabble at him to convince him that he still needs jared’s help

8) evan asking jared to meet him at connor’s wake

7) evan reassuring jared immediately post-words fail that he didn’t tell anyone about jared’s involvement in the lie, and then texting jared nine times in a row to apologize and ask if they’re good

6) jared and evan’s text conversation about evan being too busy with the connor project to hang out with jared that weekend abruptly turning into a face-to-face discussion, which is one of the few changes made to canon by the novel that i actually appreciated. can you imagine the effort jared had to make to appear right in front of evan at the perfect point in their conversation? do you really think a straight man could achieve that drama? that panache? that power?

5) jared requesting to be referred to as the tech consigliere of the connor project not just on the website but in conversation, and evan telling him he’s being unreasonable but then calling him that anyway when they’re pitching tcp to the murphys, without even being reminded

4) evan telling jared about what happened at the first dinner with the murphys - to be specific, the moments right before evan tells jared about what’s happened when he’s reflecting on why he always comes to jared with new developments, as follows: “Jared is the only person in the entire world who has even the slightest appreciation for where I am. I’m floating through space and he’s the voice in my earpiece from central command. I might not agree with his tactics, but without him, there’s a good chance I may never get back home.” val emmich wrote that and they LET him

3) jared arriving in the school cafeteria with the buttons of connor’s face, which leads to the following moments:

evan seeing jared’s arms spread and immediately taking it as an invitation for a hug. how long has he wanted to hug jared?

jared telling evan “i’m trying to show you something” and immediately pointing to his heart

jared’s exit from and zoe’s entrance to the scene being described with the phrase “jared saunters off and zoe takes his place”

2) the scene between them in the hallway on the first day of school, in which the conversation from the musical plays out mostly unchanged but evan’s internal monologue is completely focused on how he’s known jared for years and spent so much time with him and misses the memories of when they hung out together and can tell that jared’s attempts at being Cool And Unaffected don’t always work and thinks jared is hotter than he could ever be. Jared Is A Dick, But He’s My Dick

1) every single line of jared and evan’s estrangement and reconciliation, from “you would have thought we were ex-lovers the way we tiptoed around each other,” to jared appearing out of nowhere (again) to give evan a ride, to evan musing about how good jared looks (again), to “it took a second to remember the way we were,” to evan realizing how much he’d missed jared and that jared was always trying to save him from himself, to “and my role was to be our moral compass,” to “i never told anyone,” to “jared and i weren’t the soldiering types, but in a way, we’d been to battle together, and there was no one else besides the two of us who knew the true depths of what we had done,” to “miracle of all miracles, jared kleinman had a heart,” you’re in a car with a beautiful boy and he won’t tell you that he loves you but he loves you!!

[adrrianraines]

the night we met

genre: romance, angst book: bloodbound pairings: adrian raines x mc song inspiration: the night we met—lord huron

disclaimer: i am a potato packed with emotions about that extreme finale

"SO... HELLO.” Amy cheekily said as she wrapped her arms around Adrian’s body, eyes twinkling with delight.

“Hi.” Adrian greeted back, hands snaking on her waist as he pulled her closer, the close distance seemingly not enough for them both.

“And what’s all these?” She inquired, eyebrow raised, sweet smile gracing her features. Her lips pouted then pointed towards the set-up. From the bright fairy lights illuminating the small area down to the warmth of their friends.

“It’s a surprise, of course.” He moved and clasped her hand in his, raising it midway as he proceeded to twirl her around with the soft music.

A surprised chuckle reverberated from Amy’s throat, following suit with their impromptu waltz. “A surprise? Why thank you, kind sir.”

Her heart felt full of the man before her. A man of power, a man that’s untouchable, strong and well-grounded. What could she have possibly done in her past life to deserve being able to stand beside him?

The night was quiet, breezy, peaceful. The metropolitan state area was covered in shadows, yet somehow alive under the bright city lights. But if she were to choose her favorite moment in her entire existence, it was at this time that she felt the most alive. With him. The two of them under a blanket of stars. Together.

“Are you happy?” Adrian mused, causing Amy to pause...and think. It was because of this question that she remembered they were not alone—everyone was with them.

She fell silent; a look of deep contemplation reigned her countenance. Slowly, he followed the trail of her gaze as a tender smile started to form on her lips. There was Lily Spencer, stuffing her plate with a variety of food.

Next, she gazed at Jax Matsuo as the he poured himself a portion of red wine. Adrian couldn’t help but chuckle when he saw the look on Jax’s face after he tasted the liquor. He proceeded to pick up the wine and read the label. Amy shook her head at the surprised and disappointed look Jax threw towards the bottle. It was quickly followed by a shake of his head and a soft mutter of, ‘Damn, rich people.’

Kamilah Sayeed who was making her way towards Jax caught their attention next. Lily was already following closely behind. Kamilah’s face looked blank but there was a ghost of a smile as she continued to listen to whatever Lily was saying as they walked together.

And then it hit her. What would it be like... if I could spend an eternity with them?

“Of course. I’m happy, Adrian.” Amy said softly, the intensity of her gaze now shifting its weight towards him as she proceeded to touch his cheek. He held that hand tightly as he nuzzled his face against the warmth of her palm. “Everything right here... it’s more than what I could ask for.”

“You look like you wanted to say more.” Adrian gently encouraged as he planted small kisses on her palm. “Pray, tell, what’s bothering you?”

Amy gently bit her lip as she blinked repeatedly only to sigh in return. “I-I just thought that... it would be nice to be able to stay with you... forever.”

The words came like bullets as he felt the tinge of sadness in her voice. Adrian gently transferred her palm to his lips, kissing her fingers one by one. “Eternity... is a long, lonely time. I will not wish it on anyone, even for you.” He hesitated for a moment, gaze lingering on her beautiful features. Her youth. Radiance. Glow. She was human. She was everything he ever wanted.

“I understand that. But... I’ll grow old, you know?” Oh god. He didn’t want to look. He didn’t want to see. She had a look of sadness, longing and a conflict of internal interest. Sadness emerged as victorious in the end. But as quick as it came, it disappeared. “Guess I’ll make sure I make the best memories with everyone while I’m alive!”

Alive. What a bitter tasting word.

“That’s all I ever wanted for you... happiness.” Adrian breathed, leveling his gaze with hers. Intense. Reverberating. Hypnotizing. “You take my breath away, Amy.”

She takes all of the pain away. The misery, the curse, the gift he never asked for. The fate that was unwillingly shoved to him. He’d never wish for her. Not now. Not ever. Even if his heart desperately wanted to.

Amy loved the feeling of having his lips against her fingers. She loved how perfect they fit in each other’s arms. She loved how he was gentle yet strong. How he can be fierce yet mindful. Stubborn and unyielding. Sensitive and driven. A man with scars but is armed with experience.

He was everything she could ask and more.

“You’re kinda cheesy, you know that?” She teased, tiptoeing to plant a kiss on his lips. She was too eager—too wanting—too desperate to feel him. Anywhere. Everywhere.

She wanted him more than anything. Even if only for a few more stolen seconds.

“Only for you.” He chuckled and returned the kiss deeply. For a few moments, they stood still, mouths moving in a perfect rhythm, the world around becoming less of an importance. They’ve become one and everything else didn’t matter. Not the circumstances, not their differences, and certainly not their morals.

As the kiss ended, Adrian gently leaned his forehead against hers, expressive hues carefully memorizing her features. He never failed to make her heart beat crazily. He always had that look—the pupils of his eyes would expand a bit whenever he’s pleased about something. It’s the little things about him. The little things that makes Adrian, Adrian. Not the farmer boy. Not the soldier. Not the reaper. Not the lonely knight and certainly not the corporate CEO.

It was Adrian. Just Adrian.

“Amy, I... know it’s been hard lately,” Adrian breathed, unable to find the correct words to convey what he felt. The warm lilt of his voice was nothing but an invitation wanting to lull her inside a dream she wouldn’t want to wake up from. “But with you here with me right now, death became nothing but a selfish wish of the past... and I—I wanted to have more. With you, I... I wanted to be alive.”

Her heart tugged at his words that sounded like a quiet plea. Her heart ached for him that she wanted to desperately wipe off the pain of longing for something he already lost a long time ago. But Amy settled on what she can do better, what she can do best with her reach. She gently wrapped her arms around Adrian’s chest, pulling him closer, wanting to feel him against her embrace. She rested her head on his chest, inhaling the familiar intoxicating musk she grew to love and adore.

There was no time to waste. With all her emotions pouring through her words, she whispered gently what she always wanted him to know and remember,

“You are everything but the monster you claim yourself to be, Adrian. Please... always remember that.”

It was like a drop in the ocean. Her emotions felt nothing but ripples of waves and distant echoes.

Trapped in a moment, lost in time. All of her memories with Adrian played like a broken record inside her mind. She owned nothing of importance to this world, all tangible things disappearing once her existence fades. But she had her own treasure.

She had her memories with him. With everyone... It was what she can call her own.

The world can strip her down, but they cannot take it away from her.

Even in the midst of the bright fairy lights, the blowing night breeze, the warm company of their friends and in the arms of her beloved... she felt cold.

Distant. Detached... Unfeeling...

Numb.

The ache in her chest nudged her back. The taste of metal in her mouth screamed reality. The sting of her vision prompted her to force her eyes shut. The weight of the breathlessness she felt crashed her illusions.

I don’t want to die...!

And all hopes she had for spending the rest of her years making memories with him was drowned by darkness.

Life is indeed painfully bittersweet.

[sureivy]

is that HALSEY? no, that’s just IVY CALDER. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR years old and is an EMPLOYEE AT DON’T FRET & PAWS 4 LOVE. rumor has it they’ve been in town for FOUR MONTHS / TEN YEARS. on a good day, they’re CREATIVE & VERSATILE. but watch out! they can also be IRRESPONSIBLE & VOLATILE. TRIGGER BANG BY LILY ALLEN (FT. GIGGS) plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill!

hello my pals ! i’m amy ( 20 // est // she/her ) and i am super excited to be here! we also over here bringing back a fairly old muse (i,, apparently,, play her during election years,,) with a couple of tweaks, so we love that for me! also! pls forgive me if this is lowkey disorganized, we’ve been in and out of airports all day! can’t wait to contract that sexy corona!

QUICK FACTS:

full name: ivy rose calder

date of birth: may 2, 1995

*does not perfectly reflect the below big three zodiac chart because that’s too much math

zodiac big three: taurus sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual ( preference for women bc we luv that for her but we also luv leaving things open to chemistry )

education: high school diploma

enneagram: 7w8?

mbti: enfp

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

positive traits: creative, versatile, passionate, compassionate

negative traits: irresponsible, volatile, impressionable, hedonistic

BACKGROUND INFO:

triggers: brief implied sexual abuse, suicide, a lot of death talk?, drug abuse ( desoxyn ), overdose

ivy lived the first eight years of her life in newark, nj. she had a mere family of three – her mother, a model-turned-stay-at-home-mom, her father, a politician, and herself. she was much closer to her mother, but she and her father were close at night.

when her mother finally found out about this, she wasted no time in taking ivy’s father’s side. what a good mom! instead, ya girl was already getting in touch with cps herself... but wow... it was gonna ruin his career in politics :\

“Now, one thing I lerned from Storys is, when something big is about to okur, a riter will go: Then it hapened! This tells the reeder: Get Reddy. Here I go: Then it hapened!” - fox 8

then it happened!

humiliated, clearly never getting a platform back, and absolutely bitter, ivy’s father killed himself before being sent to prison. 

Very Tragique™

ok. so. to distance themselves from the poor memories, but to save money, ivy and her mother moved to springhill, temporarily sharing ivy’s aunt’s apartment while her mother began collecting enough money to buy an apartment of their own and keep it.

during this time, ivy was seeing a lot of people and she didn’t know why! they asked questions about her mental health, but she didn’t know why! i mean, totally not traumatic, right?

yes. instead of managing communication well, she became very fascinated by the concept of death. she had many questions about it, she, a youth, had some extended conversations with clergymen about it –– she never killed any animals, god forbid, but she was absolutely fascinated when she ran across them.

SO CLEARLY THAT WAS ALSO TRYING TO BE DEALT WITH.

ok, i’m gonna skip ahead a little. now in teen years and still fascinated by death, but in a healthier way!, and no longer in therapy because... like... that costs a lot of money!

she dealt with it the best she could. became enamored with music... because why wouldn’t she? some covers here and there, some originals here and there, living that youtube lyf, but not expecting anything to come of it. just liked validation! mood!

she also dealt with it the worst she could! became enamored with drugs! naturally, it started out small. some weed, some lsd, some molly –– you know, just drugs that you don’t typically think of as addictive. although her grades suffered, it was harmless enough...

upon graduating high school, she figured... no college. instead, with barely any money to her name, she was like “i... will go to new york... and i will become famous.”

and she did! she did go to new york! she found a few sketchy places that didn’t charge much for a few nights as she began networking - both socially and “i would like to be known for music” (i literally just forgot the word for networking like..... employment wise.... y’all i’m so dumb). when she’d made some friends, she began crashing on couches that were not quite as sketchy! 

but :\ she did meet these friends in sketchy places :\ and they were like “ok here r some new and more addictive drugs for u to try!”

what she wound up abusing using the most was desoxyn. it kept her awake, it kept her focused, it even shed a few pounds to create an excellent figure! what wasn’t to love! 

i mean it’s literally a prescription methamphetamine,,, when abused,,, literally almost exact same effects as meth,,, but when meth mouth, skin lesions, acne, etc aren’t occurring as a side effect? who was she to care!

20, she released an actual ep with the help of a super cool friend who made everyone call him puppy mills! wow! things were excellent! it wasn’t necessarily seeing mainstream traction, but there was a decent enough following! enough to release an album at 22!

perfect timing, btw! desoxyn was starting to become too expensive for puppy to afford and trying to fake having such a severe form of adhd that desoxyn would be prescribed as opposed to something like ritalin or adderal when it’s literally illegal to prescribe in some countries now?? too hard :\ but the money from the album helped her and puppy!

*olaf vc* puppy died. *end vc*

she was there for it too. she thought it was just a freak-out, took a LITTLE too much, but not OVERDOSE worthy... then he l i t e r a l l y died. and it was a painful death!

“oh wow! maybe prescription meth isn’t super cool after all! shucks!” but that was also an opening?? to visit death herself?? like... she didn’t necessarily want to die (sort of), but she wanted... an answer to the question that had plagued her her entire life... so she was like “ok hope i die then someone revives me but if i die then :\ i guess i die!”

did not die. but also did not get a satisfying answer to her question. the only way it would’ve been truly satisfying? if she had been dead for longer than a minute - then it would’ve given a definite answer! because the answer she received was just nothingness which, while peaceful... is it true?

she tried to detox alone, what because rehab is a business, and it... only... sort of worked. she would be clean for a few weeks, then fall back in, then clean for a few weeks, then fall back in. whenever she wasn’t just naturally focused and awake, or whenever what she was focused on was the past, she would fall back in.

i mean, a side effect is memory loss, so win/win!

she made the semi-wise decision to move back to springhill. wisest would’ve been to just move to a town/city she had absolutely no memories in, but better than moving back to newark!

so... without much to show, and with an unreliable streak, she knew she wouldn’t be able to start looking for much of an occupation – but she still needed money! so she began working at don’t fret out of a love for music, then began working at the animal shelter after completing training.

the main training was, of course, for putting animals to sleep.

FULL CIRCLE.

ah yes. how she pretends it’s healthy... even tho there are studies and statistics relating suicide to veterinarians and shelter workers who euthanize animals... ah yes.

has been back for four months now. love that. do not know how to finish this.

TL ; DR:

born in newark. moved to springhill at 8. childhood trauma that she is still carrying causes fascination with death. “i love music.” moved to ny at 18 because realistic. childhood trauma also causes dependency on desoxyn. releases an ep and an album. does not become famous, but they both have decent traction. moves back after an overdose. relapses... often. now sells records and puts animals to sleep. miss american dream since she was 17, amirite?

PERSONALITY / MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

one person one week, a totally different person the next.

wants to please people, but also wants to be her own person? it’s a whole deal!

in spite of her slight icarian incident, she still hopes to maybe one day become a real musician and performer. until then, we selling records and saying ‘goodbye’ to sweet animals!

can truly flip like a switch in interactions! does love ruining things for herself! almost always feels bad after bc :\ damn :\ alright :\

i’m very bad at these sections i really hate that i always include them!

is still avoiding healthy coping mechanisms. love that for her.

favorite movie is, unironically, the bee movie. favorite horror movie is cats.

SO GOOD at memorizing random lines or trivia. could probably recite literally all of who’s afraid of virginia woolf? other than that?? her memory is so bad. hate drugs for that :\

she uses her hair to express herself! (that sounds really boring.) ...she uses her hair to express herself!

but no. seriously. wears the black shag weave the most, followed by the blue/yellow combo ( we stan the badlands aesthetic ). occasionally forays into other colors and styles when money permits, but it’s usually gonna be one of those two!!

was an envy on the coast stan in high school which makes an inappropriate amount of sense.

will go out and steal the dumbest shit when she’s drunk. has a history of stealing chickens.

once again: hate that i always include these!! feel free 2 j consult the personality parts in the quick facts!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

ok we gonna list some general ones for right now! all are open to multiple people unless there’s an asterisk by it!

close friends –– moonie, teagan,

ride or die

childhood friends –– moonie,

bad influence ( mutual or her on them ) –– veronica ( mutual ),

good influence ( them on her ) –– presley, hayden, gabrielle,

exes ( can be from high school or something like that if based in springhill, can be from 20s in new york if based in new york )

fwb –– trent,

will they, won’t they –– presley,

someone who knew her music ( can be neutral, a fan of it, or hate it afhkjsl ) –– presley, moonie, teagan, indiana, 

will also possibly be sending in some wanted connections for things that are! more specific!

truly anything!! also up to brainstorm and/or look at yours if you have them!!

UPDATE: i have created a wc page so we luv that for me.

OK. like this or hmu if you’d like to plot!

[class-wom]

Legion Chapter 25 “Morning After”-Thoughts – SPOILERS!!!

NOTE:  Due to the fact that I didn’t see the entire ep, this one will be a little bit different from my usual “morning after”-musings/ramblings/whatever.  It’s more of a thought-gathering and speculation based in part on the Chapter 26 preview as well as the few scenes -- namely the final scenes -- that I did ultimately watch, to say nothing of the notion of “Okay, how do I balance this with everything I’ve seen thus far?”                       

   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

 SPOILER TERRITORY

  *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *

1)  Okay, whatever my mixed feelings about Oliver Bird in full-blown leisure suit/martini mode may be after Chapter 13 and his role in Amy’s fate in particular and his reunion with Melanie at the expense of David and Farouk’s “revival,” I will concede that this was a cool moment:

2) Please tell me with regard to this parable parallel in terms of the “present day” situation that the Wolf represents Farouk and Cynthia represents David!  Granted, the “Not everyone wants to be saved”-moral of this tale does put the potential fate of our antihero* in a grim light (hey, at this point, my expectations are such that I’m almost resolved to that idea anyway, tbh!), but given the part played by Farouk in Chapter 24 and where the last two eps are taking us with regard to the original showdown between Farouk and Xavier, I really would hate to see Syd and the Loudermilks siding with Farouk yet again, especially since it appears to be setting us up for a “David & Charles vs. SK”-type of scenario!  I’m hoping “us and them, not us or them” is more with regard to David/Legion and less to Farouk at this point; they’ve already put ((ahem)) enough eggs in Farouk’s basket, and look where we are now!

3)  Okay, Syd and the Loudermilks (with an emphasis on the latter, I might add!) may be a little easier to root for now; I’ve said all along that the Loudermilks are the most sympathetic of the “old gang” left, with everyone else either reduced to robotic form or of questionable motives and/or allegiance and obsession just as bad as David’s if not worse!  And yet even they seemed to test me in Chapter 23 in particular:  Yeah, okay, even if I do understand his low trust issues at the time of Chapter 21 with Cary all too well and why he felt it necessary, I wasn’t okay with David brainwashing Cary, and naturally Cary came out of it none too pleased -- I get all that.  But just taking Switch and running off with her, calling it a “rescue,” and assuring her that she’ll “never have to hide again” only to throw her in a box in hopes of hiding her from David?!?  Yeah, I can’t possibly imagine why Switch so easily turned on Farouk and came back under David’s wing, tooth-losing and time demon-battling included, and it’s entirely possible that she’ll be associating Cary with Farouk from now on, which should put that dynamic in an interesting light in future eps!  🙄 (My new theory on that:  Perhaps one of the Legion-alters managed to get the box open and wake her while Farouk was busy taunting David? just a thought...)

4)  So all Syd needed to become “a true hero” was a completely new upbringing with a loving, functional adopted family, namely the Birds? could someone tell me (this is a rhetorical question, people!) why that was true for her and not for David? or was that the point, that he had that all along but Farouk’s toehold and/or his own genetic code was strong enough that he had somehow sensed the entire time that something was wrong and his seemingly happy childhood was a lie?  (Farouk as a fake dog certainly didn’t make things easier for him as a kid, you have to admit!)  Or is that the whole “Some don’t want to be saved”-philosophy, aka the entire point?

5)  Okay, Mel, let’s see if I have this straight:  What now gives Syd “the power to save the world” is “love, empathy, and understanding.”  Can we please back up to your rather (SK-influenced, granted) contradictory advice to her in Chapter 18, when you were literally putting a gun in her hand, encouraging her to “be a hero” and telling her that the best way to survive was to rely on herself?  And here’s an idea:  If you had given her the former advice in Chapter 18 instead of freaking her out, telling her “He doesn’t really love you!” and adding words to the effect of “He’ll turn into Legion the World-Killer,” do you suppose she could have avoided all of those antagonistic moves that, surprise-surprise, brought “Legion the World-Killer” (to say nothing of David’s subsequent violation of her!) out in full force by Chapter 24?!?  Prevention is less costly than cure in the long run, Mrs. Bird -- and the whole “Yeah, but NH ordered an entire season of eight eps!”-argument is all well and good, but still...

6)  It would be really nice when these folks come out from under the influence of Farouk that they acknowledge it with some sort of regret.  I mean, if the whole point is to “own mistakes” and all that, but maybe in their own way, they are, idk... 🤷

7)  “Not everyone wants to be saved.”  Substitute the word “help” for “save” and somehow that goes double, triple, and quadruple when you’re using the phrase “We want to help you!” when you trap the person in a force field, surround him with guns, and bring out his old enemy to really rub his nose into it, as what happened in Chapter 19! 🙄  That still kinda bugs me; I’m hoping that Syd’s ill-fated encounter with Legion in Chapter 24 will help her to realize that mistake and her part, intentionally or otherwise, in strengthening Legion’s resolve and increasing their literal “us vs. the world”-mentality.  It’d be nice if she admits that may not have been the wisest move on her part (part of the self-forgiveness eluded to in interviews, perhaps?), but at this point, I’m not holding my breath!

8)  Okay, embellishment on a point touched on briefly in #2:  Now that the already-fragile trust issues between David and Syd have been further marred by Farouk’s “brilliant” advice to Syd to lie and seduce David into compliance, and now that Legion is wary of Syd’s “trickery” and protecting David from it at all costs, I’d say Syd and the Loudermilks have their work cut out for them where dealing with Legion is concerned.  Syd’s choice of words at the end of the ep, “I know how to fix it” rather than “I know how to stop him,” are admittedly encouraging; I’m hoping they’re officially done with blatantly trying to kill David and instead will try to focus his efforts more in genuinely fixing the past and his family situations, since the point of this ep seemed to be that the key is a loving family support unit.  (Worth noting, Switch’s own distant relationship with her father, and I’m not sure if anyone else picked up on this, but her mother has never been acknowledged in any way, shape or form! read into that what you will!)

9)  We do remember that Melanie’s initial interest in David and his powers was to weaponize them (at the time) against D3, right? yeah, just thought I’d throw that out there, now that she’s in “Use the Force of empathy and understanding to save the world, Syd!”-mode.  Let us not forget that when the Summerland Gang first picked Syd up from Clockworks in Chapters 1 and 2, they were under the impression that it was David and not Syd who was truly being rescued!  They were initially interested in the one with literally explosive potential, not a mere body-swapper!  And if you want to file this one under “Character and Plot Growth and Development,” okay, fine.  But just because it’s filed doesn’t mean it should be completely swept under the rug imo!

10)  The Chapter 26 preview seems to indicate that Syd and the Loudermilks will visit the Xavier home and potentially bump into Gabrielle and even Baby Davy.  Now that has some promise! 😁

In “conclusion,” can you imagine how long this would be had I watched the ep in its entirety? 🤣 bwahaha!

*Yes, I’m using that word instead of “villain” concerning David; deal with it!!! 😝

[shikikira]

Pajama Problems - Ch 01

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Summary: What if the pajamas Jumin had bought hadn’t quite fit Ami (MC/OC)? What if she was much bustier than she seemed? The issues Jumin and Ami suffer as he attempts to dress her each night.

Rating: M

Word Count: 4,867

How did this happen, Ami sighed as she towel dried her long, raven black hair.

She was only supposed to come by to cheer Jumin up, but somehow she's ended up agreeing to spend the night.

She had been completely shocked by his request earlier, and more than a little shy. But here she was. In nothing but a towel. About to spend the night at his apartment. Alone. With nothing but each other. 

Just thinking about it had her flushing a darker pink than the heat of her bath could be responsible for.

But it wasn’t like Jumin actually liked her; he had even said as much the last time they had seen each other in person six years ago. He had even gone as far as to insult her voice, something she took great pride in, claiming it to be the most irritating sound he had ever had the displeasure of being forced to listen to.

So why hadn’t she said no when she had the chance? 

Oh, that’s right. Cause I’ve been crushing on this guy for more than half a decade when I shouldn’t be, all in spite of him breaking my heart, she thought with a depressed sigh. But it’s not like I can just leave him when he’s feeling this down and not himself. 

Wrapping the still fluffy towel around herself, she looked over the pajamas Jumin had given her to wear for the night.

She had no doubt they were made of the finest material. The soft, smooth texture told her it was made of 100% high quality silk.

He must have really gone out of his way to get me something so well made at this time of night, she mused as she slipped the long pajama bottoms on over her own panties; the one thing she refused to let the older corporate heir to buy for her..

They were a snug fit; almost too tight if she had to say. But overall, Jumin had done fairly well at guessing her size even it was slightly on the small side.

Glancing at the matching top, Ami frowned. She already knew it wasn’t going to fit. Nothing in this style ever fit unless she had it custom made.

She sighed in resignation as she pulled the shirt on. Sure she had another shirt with her, but she didn’t want to waste Jumin’s good will. She’d probably make him more upset if she forewent the shirt really.

Clutching the front of her top together, she furrowed her eyebrows as she looked at herself in the mirror.

As always, the shirt just wouldn't fit right. No matter how much she pulled or pushed, the shirt obstinately refused to listen to her commands.

Struggling to make herself presentable in her borrowed clothes, she huffed, calling an end to her ever losing battle. She’d just have to leave it as it is.

Gathering up her dirty clothes, she gave herself one final look in the mirror before heading out to find Jumin. 

He couldn’t believe he’d asked her to stay the night with him, but Ami had brought a sense of peace to him that he hadn’t felt since… even he didn’t know when.

Pacing around his living room, Jumin attempted to sort through his thoughts and emotions as he tidied whatever little mess he had made that morning in his haste to secure Elizabeth III’s safety.

Although he tried to organize his thoughts about his father and the man’s newest tramp, his mind couldn’t help but keep returning to the newest R.F.A member.

And the fact that she was currently in his bathroom.

In his shower.

Naked.

He shook his head harshly at that reminder, swiftly putting a stop to that thought before it could develop further.

Ami was a fellow member of the R.F.A. He shouldn’t be thinking of his fellow member so crudely. Especially since she trusted him enough to agree to stay the night despite how inappropriate his request was.

But try as he might, his brain wouldn’t stop wandering back to that fact and reminding him that Ami was currently alone with him in his home.

And that she was currently dripping wet from her shower.

Naked.

He may not have been able to see how her body looked thanks to the thick coat she had worn, but he could already tell how gorgeous she was.

In his mind he could already picture Ami as if he was standing in the bathroom with her. He could see her divine figure in all its glory as water cascaded down on her. Her long, midnight locks would cling to her luscious curves, protecting her modesty without disrupting her perfection. The water would trail down her lustrous skin in rivulets leading from her slender neck and down to the valley between her ample breasts and further still to the area that made her a lady. Her delicate hands would glide down pass her navel to dip—

Don't go there, Jumin.  

Jumin groaned as he hastily shut down his latest train of thought. His pants suddenly feeling much tighter than he was used to.

What was wrong with him? He shouldn't be thinking about her like this. Not only was Ami a dear and trusted friend of Jihyun's, but, from what he could tell of their conversation, she was older than him.

Were his problems with his father affecting him this much?

He hadn’t even considered pursuing any sort of relationship with Ami beyond that of colleagues. He wasn’t even sure if he liked her as anything but a possible friend, much less be lusting after her as he was doing now.

Wait, is this lust? Is this why I keep thinking of her so indecently?

His original train of thought came to a grinding halt as he reviewed his earlier thoughts and actions.

For one, it was completely against his morals and personal rules to have an unmarried and unrelated man and woman to spend the night under the same roof. However, he had still pushed Ami to stay the night with him. And she had agreed, although hesitantly.

He didn’t understand why, but the thought of her being apart from him left him feeling… uncomfortable inside. As if his heart twisted in pain at the mere idea of it.

He had even gone out of his way and bought her a new set of pajamas for the night. Yes, it was his own fault he had to buy them in the first place, but he had never even bought clothes for his own mother before.

He had once heard from his school mates that men only bought clothes for a woman when he wanted to take it off of her. Was that the real reason why he had her stay with him?

He tested this new theory of his by picturing Ami in the clothes he had just purchased for her, and without much prompting, he was already smiling at the image in his head. He had no doubts that he enjoyed what he imagined, but it hadn’t stirred up the response that his classmates had mentioned.

Perhaps it’d work better if I picture her wearing one of those nightgowns with the ribbon that I mentioned to her once. He wondered, his chin now propped up by his right hand.

Surprisingly, he had no issues imagining his guest in the rather, in his opinion, racy and impractical night garment.

Just closing his eyes, he could already see her standing in his bedroom with an expression he hadn’t seen on her before.

A soft smile that was just the slightest bit different from what he had seen before. Her luminescent eyes, half-lidded, had such an alluring quality that they would be what he assumed were called bedroom eyes. One of her hands was playfully curling a lock of her loose set hair through her fingers as if she was beckoning him to run his hands through her silky tresses.

He felt his breath catch as his mind’s eye wandered below Ami’s beautiful face.

Her shapely form was clad in soft, flowing silk-satin that stopped mid-thigh. It clung to her curves enticingly, showing off the body he had no doubt she had worked hard for, but only just enough that she was still a seductive enough mystery he’d gladly solve. Her bountiful breasts would be cupped by the gown’s soft lace overlay, exquisitely accentuating her mature femininity.

For whatever reason it may be, his mind seemed to focus strictly on her wonderful breasts and her sweet lips.

Her lips were such an elegant pink, just dark enough to be seductive and yet light enough to be innocent. Both lips were naturally full with a prominent cupid’s bow on her upper lip to catch his eye. Her lower lip was slightly fuller than her upper one, forming a sumptuous natural pout that begged to be kissed.

If he was to be honest, he wouldn’t mind spending hours just kissing her lips and nibbling on them until they’re a bright, puffy red and utterly his.

But then there were her breasts.

Her two perfect, magnificently soft breasts. He may not have seen them bared yet, but they were absolutely marvelous, that he had no doubt. They were perky, sitting high on her chest and firm, but still exquisitely supple. Her fair, creamy skin would be a delightful contrast to the nightgown’s dark lace.

He’d love nothing more than to bury his face in the valley of her lovely bosom as he lovingly kissed along their curves. He’d suck and nip in between kisses, leaving bright marks against her velvet skin to tell anyone who dared to look that she was his. 

He’d cup her plentiful mounds in his large hands, kneading and pleasuring her as he—

Stop!

Jumin froze as he realized where his thoughts were headed. The nearly constricting feeling of his slacks told him exactly what he had been trying to identify on his own.

He tugged on his black tie, loosening it, as he suddenly felt much hotter than he should have been with his home’s central air set at the perfect temperature.

Get it together, Jumin. Remember, Ami said she didn’t want a relationship. Jihyun had even warned everyone that it would be best for us to not pursue anything romantic with her too.

His hands clenched into fists at the stark reminder of what his best friend had told him and the rest of the R.F.A. when Ami had joined their group earlier in the week. 

Their new coordinator had even reminded them repeatedly that she was merely assisting them as a favor to Jihyun, and was not really a member of their charity group.

But if it was only a favor, why did she go out of her way to come see me? It’s still dangerous with the hacker still running amuck. Something warm bubbled in his chest; a feeling of hope that someone other than Jihyun cared.

As quickly as the feeling had come, the emotion was taken just as fast. There was no guarantee that Ami would stay after helping them with this one party.

The thought that, after this party, he’d no longer be able to talk with Ami or be with her had his chest throbbing painfully. It was as if his heart was tearing itself in two; a feeling he hadn’t felt since he decided he could never have Rika, which admittedly was not the most painful feeling he had experienced.

There had been one other time. Back when he had been studying in the United States for university.

Enough. This isn’t the time to be thinking about that. He brutally shutdown the near trip down memory. He had no intentions of ever thinking back on that time.

Sighing deeply, Jumin pushed those memories back to the edges of his mind. He wanted to focus his attention on the present and his current person of interest, not on a past that was best left forgotten.

Looking down his body, he groaned as he was starkly reminded of his most prominent issue of the moment. The stiff bulge in his pants would need to be taken care of promptly before Ami came back.

It wasn’t often that he had to deal with this particular male problem, but it did happen. No matter how much Luciel and the others liked to joke about it, he was still human with normal human bodily functions.

With that last thought, he concentrated on memories that he was certain that would deflate his dilemma.

Think of Zen’s obscene poster from the other night, Luciel harassing Elizabeth III, the mobs of ass kissing gold diggers. Jumin chanted, picturing each memory as he willed his erection away.

Normally, just thinking about Zen killed his morning wood. The younger man could be so irritating at times more so than their resident hacker especially with his constant whining about being single and his irrational hatred of him.

It may be petty revenge, but he relished shoving Elizabeth III and all things cat related in the actor’s face. 

He wasn’t stupid like the women who pursued him were. Far from it actually—his membership in Mensa was proof of that—he merely played dumb in regards to his fellow R.F.A. members; it was more fun that way.

He knew all about allergies and how they affected the living body, and he knew for a fact that allergies only affected a person when they were in the presence of the allergen. 

Plus, Zen didn’t have a cat allergy, he had a fur allergy; the narcissist had even said as much. The younger member hadn’t even reacted like he had with when he had posted images of dogs to test his theory about the other’s allergy. 

So no matter what his assistant and the boy—because that was what Zen was given his behavior—said, he was going to keep posting everything feline in their chat room.

It was absolutely absurd that Zen and Assistant Kang even thought the cat pictures could actually induce the boy’s allergy reactions. Perhaps the both of them required remedial courses in health science. Or perhaps a therapist in Zen’s case.

Assistant Kang might do well with a therapist as well given the life she has been through. He mused as an afterthought as he adjusted his sleeve cuffs.

Shaking his head, he made to head to kitchen to prep some evening tea, a soothing hobby he and his family shared. With how his mind was tonight and with Ami here, it was too dangerous for him to indulge in wine as he was prone to do when stressed. He figured some warm tea would be the best alternative to soothe his and Ami’s own nerves.

Before he even took his first step, he froze, surprise registering across his face.

“Damn it,” he cursed as he re-adjusted his pants. Contrary to what he had expected, his arousal had not gone down in the slightest.

Feeling his brow twitch in annoyance, Jumin breathed deeply through his nose. Now what was he supposed to do? His usual methods should have willed his sudden lust away, but it was apparently not to be. Was he really going to have manually take care of his problem?

Glancing down at his watch, he estimated that he still had some time before Ami would be done with her shower. His mother and step-mother often spent a lengthy amount of time in the bathroom getting ready, be it for bed or a night out. He figured most other women were similar, but if there was the off chance that Ami wasn’t like his mother then he’d better

With that in mind, he changed directions and headed off to the privacy of his bedroom’s en suite with long, determined strides.

Not even halfway to his room yet, he froze mid-step as a melodious voice called out to him.

“Um… Jumin?”

“Y-yes, Ami?” he answered. Cursing his uncharacteristic stutter, as Jumin turned back around to face his lady, mindful that he not expose his predicament to her.

As soon as he laid eyes on her, his eyes widened in shock and his jaw dropped. The perverse thoughts he had previously suppressed immediately came rushing back to him as he continued to stare at the raven-haired beauty before him.

Remembering his manners, he swiftly snapped his mouth shut, but he couldn’t stop his eyes from roving over Ami’s breathtaking form.

Everything his mind had conjured before could not even compare to the goddess that stood before him.

Dressed in the striped pajamas he had purchased for her, she was absolutely ethereal.

A charming blush decorated Ami’s cheeks as she shyly clutched the front of her top in an attempt to preserve her modesty. Her enchanting eyes were cast downwards, avoiding his gaze, as her damp, glossy hair framed her lovely face in a delicate yet alluring manner. Her lips were an enticing red as she chewed on her lower lips in a show of nerves.

His dark eyes roved over the rest of Ami’s stunning visage, noting how well the striped pajamas he had purchased fitted the raven-haired beauty. For a moment, his eyes paused on her well-formed hips, vaguely noting that the pajamas were perhaps too tight if he could see her pantylines, before fixating on where Ami’s hands were.

He felt his mouth salivate and his pants tighten to a painful degree as he gawked at her more than generous bust. Even with the top two buttons left open, he could tell the button up was straining to keep her decent, and despite the shirt being brand new, it looked ready to burst at any moment.

In that moment, Jumin wanted nothing more than to disregard his own rules as his earlier lust flooded him and new fantasies flashed through his mind.

He’d have Ami pushed up against the nearest wall, his body pressing into hers as he ravished her divine skin. She’d moan his name as he stole her too enticing lips in a desperate kiss, plundering her mouth with his fervent tongue.

Gasps and whimpers of pleasure would escape her luscious lips as his mouth traveled along her slender neck and collarbone. His hands would work unceasingly as he stripped them both of their too confining clothes until every stitch of clothing was pooled at their feet or tossed somewhere in his home.

With her fully exposed to his lustful gaze, he’d bury his face in the swells of her mountainous breasts, suckling harshly on one fleshy globe while he kneaded and played with the other. His free hand would travel along Ami’s curves in a not so gentle caress, determined to find each and every erogenous zone on her body.

Taking her dusky nipple into his ravenous mouth, he’d have his free hand dip down towards her clit. His fingers would slip into her as he tweaked and teased her sensitive bundle of nerves mercilessly. He’d thrust into her searchingly, adding more fingers as needed, playing with her pearl until she was screaming his name and begging him to take her. She’d be so close to bliss when he finally pulled out and hoisted her long legs to hook around his lithe hips, he’d be all that she’d be able to think of if he wasn’t already.

In one smooth motion, he’d bury himself in her tight, wet virgin (he hoped) heat as he stole her bruised red lips in another insatiable kiss. With his hands on her taut buttocks, he’d pull her hips to his with every thrust he gave her, wanting to be as deep within her as possible. And he had every intention to give her as much pleasure and gratification as humanly conceivable as he fitted her to his body.

He’d bury himself repeatedly within her snug, inviting folds as she clung to his shoulders, her magnificent, supple breasts pressing firmly against his chest. He’d change his pace and thrusts as he would need to heighten both of their carnal passions as he’d pound orgasm after orgasm into her receptive body. Thrusting through her orgasming sheath, only for him to pump her full with his virile seed until she’d be overflowing with and leaking their shared fluids.

Oh what he wouldn’t give to have her flat belly full and round with his child, and her already bountiful breasts heavy with milk. He was sure he’d gladly and readily spend all day and every day filling Ami again and again to make sure it came true. And if he had his way, they’d be having passionate sex hour after hour as they moved from room to room, covering every inch and surface of his penthouse.

“—min? Jumin? Are you all right?” Ami asked, pulling Jumin from his fantasies.

Clearing his throat, the corporate heir promptly replied. “My apologies, Ami. I was just a bit preoccupied. You were saying?”

Save for the light blush that barely colored his cheeks and the throbbing pain in his pants, there was no indication of just how improper his thoughts just now had been.

Mouth still salivating at her tempting vision, Jumin inconspicuously swallowed as he restrained himself. Never in his life had he been so tempted to break his own rules. If he didn’t have as much control of himself and respect for Ami as he did, he very well might have given in to his traitorous lust.

“If you’re sure…” Ami hesitated, biting her lips unconsciously, once again unknowingly tempting him to make his fantasies a reality.

“Um… I’m really sorry you went through all this trouble, I really don’t think this is going to work,” she said, her eyes once again turned towards the floor and her delightful blush returning to her cheeks.

When she finished speaking, his mind went blank and he immediately imagined the worst.

She was going to abandon him just like his father and everyone else. His mother. His tutors. Rika. They all left him.

With eyes of steel, he turned to face her fully as he addressed her, speaking in a much colder tone than he had intended. “What do you mean?”

Ami blinked up at him, her expressive face showing the surprise she felt. “Well this shirt isn’t exactly cooperating with me… Um… Would you happen to have a different shirt I could borrow, Jumin?”

“Oh… yes, of course,” he blinked, taken aback by her unexpected answer. “If you go back towards the guest bathroom, there’s a closet to the right that contains some of my old clothes. Feel free to wear whatever you’d like,” he choked out, embarrassed by his conclusion jumping.

Again, his breath was stolen as Ami gave him the most dazzling smile he’d ever seen. His barely deflating erection instantly returning after a mere look, paining him with all the lust he had been holding back.

“Thank you. I’m sorry that I’m being such a bother to you when I came to help you feel better,” she apologized, her head once again tucked against her chest as she avoided his gaze.

“No, it’s my fault. All of this could have been avoided if I had asked you for your size before placing the orders,” he replied in turn.

But then I wouldn't have been faced with such a captivating image.

Shaking his head, he excused himself from the living room, the agonizing pain in his pants reminding him of another matter of import that required his immediate attention.

“If that’s all, please excuse me. I still have some urgent matters to attend to. If there’s anything you need, feel free to use the phones to call the maid or the receptionist. They’ll be able to get you anything you need or want.”

With a polite nod, he briskly turned on his heels and hastily retreated to the privacy of his room. He sent a silent prayer of thanks to his god for bringing Ami into his life.

He kept his mind occupied by such prayers lest he break his self-control and run back to take Ami into his arms and carry out his every desire. 

Once in the safety of his room and the door firmly locked behind him, he wasted no time in freeing his aching length.

A deep groan escaped his lips as he grasped his needy flesh, his fantasies one again flaring to life.

Any resolve he had to not think of his guest sexually died a quick death as he remembered Ami’s innocently seductive figure and how her gorgeous breasts were practically bursting out of her top.

He leaned back against his door as he pictured Ami naked and splayed out across his bed, her luscious, dark hair contrasting beautifully against his white sheet while her fair skin begged him to touch it. How her marvelously large breasts would fan out with gravity but still sit tall and high on her chests, not even sagging with their hefty weight. Her beautiful violet eyes would beckon him to strip and join her in bed.

She’d crawl over to him, her hips swaying provocatively, as he neared his bed. Her succulent lips would part enticingly as her eyes invited him to trust her and allow her to pleasure him.

He moaned just thinking about it.

Fisting himself more firmly with each stroke of his hand, he wondered if Ami’s plump lips would feel as gratifyingly pleasurable as he imagined.

In his mind, he could see her kneeling before him with her full lips stretched thin around his shaft. As he rocked into her warm, welcoming mouth, she’d eagerly bob her head in rhythm with his hips, her tongue ardently laving his member with attention.

Falling deeper into his own lust, his thrusts would grow harsher with plunge into her throat, and she’d moan wantonly at each jarring plunge. As he peered down at the mental image of her raven crown, he’d be entranced by her vigorously bouncing breasts.

His mouth watered at the image of them, wanting desperately to have one or both supple globes in his greedy mouth. He wanted to suckle and bite them until her nipples were red and puffy with his attentions and then some. By the time he was done, if he would ever be, he’d have them sensitive to and needy for his touch, and as hard as he was for her.

Briefly, he wondered if he perhaps he had an oral fixation issue he hadn’t previously been aware of as he seemed to be fixated on Ami’s breasts and had a constant need have his mouth on one or both of them. He quickly dismissed the idea as he’d never felt the need to have anything in his mouth before now.

Maybe he had a breast fetish he wondered as he gave his cock a particularly harsh jerk.

His mind immediately creating an image of himself suckling Ami’s breast harshly and greedily, leaving angry red marks on them as he did. Or perhaps it was just his lust for her.

Whatever the case, he wanted Ami and her luscious breasts to himself.

Groaning as his mental Ami continued to pleasure him fiercely, greedy for his seed, he increased the speed of his strokes, adding quick twists of his wrists in the process.

He bit his lip as the tension in his loins grew with the pressure of his impending release.

“Ami…” he hissed as he mentally dragged his imaginary Ami off his cock by a fistful of her silky hair, and immediately impaled her onto himself.

She’d shriek in surprised delight as he pounded into her soft folds and his mouth latched onto one of her jostling globes, her nipple caught between his teeth. He’d feel her vaginal walls clench along him rhythmically, squeezing him harder as she too neared her own pinnacle of bliss. 

He could practically hear her screaming his name as he pistoned into his wet fist, imagining it as her greedy, sopping sheathe. As mental Ami came from his voracious lust, her ravenous lower lips would squeeze him ever tighter, milking him for all he was worth. 

Growling lowly, he quickened his pace as he neared his peak and bursts of white filled the edges of his vision.

With one final thrust, he came, white cum erupting from his cock and spilling out of and over his clenched fist.

Moaning softly, Jumin kept stroking his now oversensitive shaft, cum still gushing from the tip, as his mind continued to paint Ami in lewd positions.

Thinking of his sensual goddess, he noted how different she was from what his initial assumptions had been.

She wasn’t everything he had imagined.

She was better. Much better.

Not only was she exquisitely beautiful beyond comparison, but she was also kindhearted, intelligent, polite, and mature. And she understood him in a way that not even his best friend and parents could.

She may not be Rika. And she may not be his first love. But in this moment, she was everything he wanted. 

And he couldn’t wait to make her his.

 And that’s a wrap for the time being. Next time, Ami’s POV!

Thanks for reading :)

Tagging: @winterforpolandandfrance, @manju-booty, @ravenhaired-mc, @sleepyfoxspirit, @saizoswifey, @melody-chii,  @mmscum