#all my ships are captured by those lyrics lmao

[thimblings]

“I was a billion little pieces

‘til you pulled me into focus.”

[nemaliwrites]

you guys know that one jay chou song where he's like writing a murder mystery but it comes true as he's writing it and when he types the killer's name there's footsteps at the door???

hehe...yea...that but make it an ace attorney case

[astranauticus]

ok one last post about the Project to truly exorcise it from my brain. just some process/design thoughts (also now that it's done if you want to read my liveblogged whinging for whatever reason here it is)

first off some stats because i kept stats like the nerd that i am:

time wise making this animatic took about 93.5 hours give or take (thanks procreate process replay) spread across exactly 2 months

anyway when i said i finished this project mostly through stubbornness and sunk cost fallacy this is what i meant lol like a lot of my thought process through this was just 'no way in hell am i letting some of these drawings disappear into my drafts forever'

on average each frame took about 2 hours 45 minutes but thats a bit of an overestimate since i forgot to count some of the animated bits from the first two lines (so id guess the actual number is more like.. 2 hours 20 minutes?)

btw that line with the starry apparition fading away? 12 hours total

the single longest and most painful frame to draw was the one of the crew walking through tu'narath (5 hours 30 minutes) because a. perspective b. architecture design c. for some reason i put a lot of detail into rendering the armour on all the githyanki i drew why on earth did i do that

(its especially painful bc that frame was one of the ones that didnt... feel like an important enough moment in the actual story of the show to be worth capturing the way the wish or even like, endellion is, i just needed to put that there for the storytelling flow or whatever of the animatic itself and it bothered me so much)

one other interesting little mishap was that i did all of these on canvas size 1080x720px (so that's why the youtube resolution isnt particularly high lmao) which is why procreate let me put an absolutely absurd amount of layers in one canvas (all 8 frames of with memories projected on the astral sea were done on one canvas. 159 layers) because the layer limit for that canvas size is 400 BUT. i accidentally started the starry apparition fade on an A4 canvas (my default canvas size for like all my normal fanart) and i only realised after finishing all the lineart and starting on colouring because i hit layer limit so i had to resize the canvas which did... interesting?? things to the lineart resolution

also if youre wondering how i drew K-LB that many times in something resembling timely fashion the answer is i sacrificed some... amount of sleep to 3d model and rig him in blender which. honestly? i consider it a roaring success

splitting the frames by bar was a Choice and certainly a choice ive.. had doubtsTM about but thats the kind of thing you cant really change without bringing the whole project crashing down so if the frames seem to move a bit too fast im so sorry there was really not much i could do there

idk if people actually noticed the very very tiny drawings of the crew moving around on the ship in the 4th line especially since they sometimes get obscured by the subtitles but the REASON for that is in my original drawings the subtitles went in the top left corner but they kept conflicting with other stuff so i just gave up and threw them to the bottom (also i originally included the chinese lyrics but then i got lazy lmao)

anyway that little detail like VR-LA angstily looking at the sea reminiscing about the JourneyTM and the crew sort of appearing along with the memories of their adventures together was one of those things that seemed SO COOL in my head but once i actually execute it its like. hmmmm not sure if that worked out the way you thought it would buddy. also the tiny crew was EXTREMELY hard to draw so put that down as another point in 'me subjecting myself to deeply painful and out there compositions for no good reason'

anyway i called this my magnum opus but i do actually have some thoughts about another one (a companion piece, if you will) for another song by the same band because now that i know what capcut can do im.. really itching to try something a little different because this like powerpoint presentation style? fully a product of me using iMovie as my only available video editing software for the past like 7 years of my life

[backfliips]

Answered below the cut:

How many fics have you worked on since January?

I've worked on 9 since January, one of which I'm still currently working on and will be working on for the next few months, probably.

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

A lot of things! I think the biggest one is alternating perspectives.

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

Baldur's Gate 3, obviously, haha.

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

Just the one, BG3.

What ships captured your heart?

Mostly Wyllstarion, but I also wrote Minscstarion and Halsin/Ulder Ravengard LOOOLLLL..... crack ships taken seriously are so good to me

What characters captured your heart?

Wyll mostly, and also Astarion.

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

Yes, all of the ones I've listed so far! The newest ones were Minscstarion and Ulsin LOOL I sort of was the flagship for both of those.

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What's Become of You, because that was the first long-form creative writing project I've ever done! I'd only done short stories before then, and then I sat down and churned out a novel-length fanfiction. it meant a lot to me to know that it was something I'm capable of.

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Probably also What's Become of You, but all of the fics I've written have made me super happy. If they didn't make me happy, I wouldn't write them. Right now, the fic I'm working on (titled "Sorry For Your Loss") is really making me excited too, but I won't be posting it for a while.

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Again, What's Become of You.

What fic was the most difficult to write?

The one I'm currently working on. Where What's Become of You basically already had a whole plot outline because it just follows the entire plot of BG3, Sorry For Your Loss is far more original and has required SO much outlining and re-outlining and re-re-re-outlining, and I've redone so many chapters from the ground up because I wasn't happy with them. It's been a real challenge, but it's one that I'm really excited to keep conquering >:^)

What fic was the easiest to write?

Keep Talking, for sure. That one's just brainless smut. Of course, that's made it my most popular wyllstarion fanfiction HAHAHAHAHA.... but that's how these things go.

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

Shortest was Keep Talking, longest was What's Become of You.

What were your go-to writing songs?

The "deep focus" playlist on spotify hahahahaha I can't listen to stuff with lyrics much when I'm writing, and a lot of other background songs end up distracting me. Honestly, 75% of the time I'm just writing in silence.... or to the sound of a busy crowd. (Don't worry, I don't write anything NSFW in public.)

What was the hardest fic to title?

Health Potions (Or: If Only Someone Here Knew Cure Light Wounds). That one was a toss up, and as you can see, I still couldn't choose between two titles lmao

What's your favorite title of the year?

Probably A Haughty Spirit (Goeth Before a Fall) because that's a bible verse I chopped up and that just cracks me up a little bit. I have the title for an eventual sequel planned if I ever write it, which would be "To Be Humble (In Spirit with the Lowly)."

Share your favorite opening line

Do chapter opening lines count? Here's a sneak peek from Sorry For Your Loss.

Share your favorite ending line

Another chapter ending line from Sorry For Your Loss.

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share your funniest line

"He was the best-dressed homeless man in the city. Of this he was sure."

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

While working on my latest fic, a certain conversation went in a totally different direction than I planned, but I ended up really liking how it turned out. I had to go back to the drawing board for a couple things later in the story because of it, but I think it's way better this way.

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

Google Drive mostly. I like to write things on paper when I'm outlining, or when I'm feeling stuck. It keeps me from deleting things, and I care less about getting it Perfect that way.

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Finishing What's Become of You, definitely.

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

No, I wanted to get a cake for What's Become of You, but I had plans that day and that ended up being fun enough that I didn't feel the need to get a cake.

How did you recharge between fics?

Laying on the floor. I don't actually have a recharge method, I just write when inspiration strikes me.

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

Oh, yes. So much fanart lmao.

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

Just one! Wyllstarion Secret Solstice event, but I did art instead of writing for that one.

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

@foxflowering definitely!! She really helped me improve my writing so much and she was such a fantastic editor for What's Become of You.

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Keep writing Sorry For Your Loss, really.

What would you like to write next year?

I want to finish Sorry For Your Loss and do a couple more short-form Wyllstarion pieces. I have ideas! Lots of ideas!!!!

A slightly revised version of last year's questions! Two ways to play: Reblog and have your followers send you numbers, or answer the whole list!

How many fics have you worked on since January?

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

What ships captured your heart?

What characters captured your heart?

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

What were your go-to writing songs?

What was the hardest fic to title?

What's your favorite title of the year?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share your funniest line

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

What would you like to write next year?

[apurikottotii]

august song recs!

so.... this month was kinda all over the place lmao. it was really bad until it got better. i really want to thank witch's heart for helping me resolve some things. helped me realize that i need to stop overthinking and "strangling your own neck", and to just "choose what's easier for me". i've FINALLY (yes... i'm not trying to gaslight myself this time) into letting go. it's not "under" or anything. it's definitely over. and yeah, i'm sure. i'm sure that they are all good people.

---go go ghost ship - kenshi yonezu

listen i saw a witch's heart animatic of this song and it is SO AMAZING. i just wish it was in english so i could experience it better (there are no captions) :(. my favorite part of the song is when the chorus ends, and the singer repeats the last line (but it's DISTORTED. WHICH. CHANGES THE MEANING) that is so cool. My favorite lyric when he does this is "But I rather suddenly start to laugh / I rather suddenly start to laugh"

---i'm glad you're evil too - pinocchio-p

i sort of talked about this song already, but i honestly randomly listened to it. I really didn't like it back then (which made me so sad because a title like "i'm glad you're evil too" is a title that caters EXACTLY to my tastes). but honestly i wanted to give it another try because i was going through ... a depressive episode and i wanted to see if it would bring me any sort of comfort. man. it's just such a beautiful song. i really love songs that love the simple things in life. that's one of the reasons why i love yorushika so much. unfortunately... when i listen to it now, it reminds me of really bad days (it sucks so much)... AND it romanticizes a friend i had in a way i shouldn't... so while i love this song so much i can't listen to it very often.

---enko shoujo - nashimoto-p

yes.... i watched a kanamafu tiktok and it is SO BEAUTIFUL. i was going to shit out tears. i love songs about growing up so much, especially people who cannot come to terms with it. i also love songs where the speaker has an internal conflict- in this case, the speaker longs for this girl but hates it. lastly... i love songs that have interesting perspectives on love. especially when they call it "disgusting", or something like that. it's really cool. and the cherry on top is the beautiful bridge. seriously i'm tired of hearing muted versions of the chorus for a bridge (esp when they transition into the chorus that then goes a half step up- listen i love that shit but it is getting TIRING).

i love you (what embarrassing words). i need you (what embarrassing feelings). i want you (what a crapping sounding wish, but still)

only love is in her head!

these lyrics really appeal to the romantic in me. isn't it so nice to think of someone who thinks of you this way??

---honorable mentions:

help me erin: listen, this song has been on these posts for months now and i DO NOT CARE. it still continues to bring me so much comfort. i don't even know why, i feel like it captures the frustration and hope/longing i feel. i think i've listened to every youtube remix at this point. makina remix is still on top though. i've memorized the chorus in japanese. next step is to play it honestly.

black sorrow/all-in/my clematis: yes... i watched some alien stage because i heard it was like milgram and i keep seeing those two guys everywhere... i still like milgram better but it was pretty entertaining. these three are my favorite. black sorrow's ending chorus is SO heart wrenching.... arrghh.. all-in is so powerful and catchy and i really love the meaning. my clematis is hauntingly beautiful and also catchy. and depressing. and that "my god / my universe" part is INSANE.

living millenium: yes... "let's be crazy and pretend to fake it all!" (or something like that) is such a good lyric. i have.. no idea what the song is about but iyowa's tuning style is always a pleasure to listen to.

omg lastly i transcribed so many piece (yoru no waltz, kimagure mercy, carefree conversation, etc. i listened to those A LOT!)

[tundrainafrica]

that moment when you realize levi's last memory of hanji was her laughing - her last laugh. oh and levi would never have a body to bury. Also, I was wondering if you have done an analysis of the solute that levi did - you know keeping his hand over her heart. I personally headcannon that levi meant hanji to give her heart to him, to be his and that's why he kept his fist over her heart. (sorry if it sounds cheesy lmao)

OKAY SO WE’RE ON THE TOPIC OF CH. 132 AGAIN. So imma assume you guys really wanna hurt yourselves more so allow me to drop this really amazing animation of 132 which really captures Hange and Levi’s facial expressions well along with a lot of symbolisms about Hange so please, even if you’re not gonna read the whole meta I have down under. Please watch it. You won’t regret it. It’s beautiful. Here’s the link (The lyrics are good too, so I’d recommend you check the English translation out, the second verse all the way to the chorus, it really fits.)

that moment when you realize levi's last memory of hanji was her laughing - her last laugh. oh and levi would never have a body to bury. 

How are you so sure that Hange’s last memory was her smiling and laughing?

I actually like to entertain the possibility that Hange and Levi made an extremely conscious effort to avoid looking at each other, especially in the eyes. Why is that?

Maybe, the scene in 126 was that much of a profound scene relationship wise that they couldn’t look at each other after that? But I can’t help but think the Levi and Hange’s dynamics were particularly distant in 132? Especially if you compare it to just a few chapters ago where Hange couldn’t even leave him right? Like she was always next to him on his sleeping bag. 

That’s why I really hc-ed that maybe when she was changing his bandages, particularly removing the ones covering his mouth, they had a conversation. And I wrote out my take on it in this fic.

There are just way too many panels about them talking about so many deep things and in all of them they’re looking away from each other.

You can say, towards the last panels, of course he’s not looking at her, he knows she’s going to sacrifice herself, why put her to the pain?

And even the dedicate your heart scene right? He wasn’t looking at her. 

So the point is, do you really think his last memory of her was her smile? 

And was it really her laugh? Personally, when I see people smile, I don’t look at their mouths, I look at their eyes. I’m an eyes person. I think eyes talk more than someone’s mouth. 

And Hange wasn’t smiling at all, look at those eyes.

And do we really count a ‘haha’ as a laugh :’). Do you think Levi... who has seen Hange laugh so many times before, and had seen that same wonder in her eyes before and how she constantly smiles with both her eyes and her mouth, do you think Levi would have counted that as a laugh?

Anyway, I like to headcanon the last clear vivid memory Levi had of her was when she was changing his bandages back in the ship. They were avoiding each othe rtoo much, Levi was really avoiding looking at her this whole chapter and I really suspect there was a deleted scene, a conversation in the ship which changed their whole dynamic in that chapter before Hange chose to sacrifice herself. 

Anyway, moving on to the next question:  

Also, I was wondering if you have done an analysis of the salute that levi did - you know keeping his hand over her heart. I personally headcannon that levi meant hanji to give her heart to him, to be his and that's why he kept his fist over her heart. (sorry if it sounds cheesy lmao)

Omg, that is such a cute headcanon I didn’t think about. Thank you for sharing that <3 I’ll add that to my own personal list of headcanons that I’ll be sharing below. 

Before I move on to sharing it, I just have to say: 

I love the original Japanese translation.

For most western languages, you have to mention the “your” in Dedicate your heart because it just doesn’t flow well to say “dedicate heart” nor would it be consistent with Erwin’s iconic statement being constantly translated to “Dedicate your heart” suddenly being translated to “Dedicate heart” which is wrong grammar anyway. 

With 心臓を捧げよう, we only know there is an unspecified number of hearts which are to be dedicated. 

So Levi’s message could be translated to either “Dedicate your heart.” or even “Let’s dedicate our hearts”

So as a Levihan shipper I could headcanon this in so many ways. 

1. I’ll drop the vanilla one first.  “Dedicate your heart” okay Hange while sacrificing yourself, make sure to dedicate your heart okay, fight to your heart’s content, which is the most conventional interpretation. 

2. The next one is: Let’s dedicate our hearts. This could mean that he feels the war is reaching it’s climax and if she’s ready to die, Levi is willing to join her soon and he will dedicate his heart the same way. Since Japanese tenses in relation to time aren’t specified and future tense doesn’t exist in Japanese, it makes it vague enough to even foreshadow Levi’s own intentions to really dedicate his heart like his own comrades did. And the fact that Levi said see you later Hange? That only supports this headcanon. 

3. Another head canon I have is Levi figuratively left his heart with her with that salute and in that moment, maybe he was talking to himself when he decided to dedicate his heart to her. With that dedication and with Hange’s impending sacrifice, Levi showed his readiness to lose his heart and have it die with her. 

4. This is actually an analysis I read a while back from a Japanese website I’ll leave the link below and it’s definitely one of my favorites for this scene. 

So to summarize the analysis, the Japanese fans see it as a symbolism of unity for Hange and Levi. 

Remember Hange was betrayed by the Jaegerists a few chapters back probably less than a few days ago manga time. Hange is one of the few people who have this idea that what Eren is doing is wrong, the violence, the rumbling. And with Zeke, Flock and Yelena all explicitly disagreeing with her, she was living with this idea that she was doing things wrong especially since only recently a majority of the survey corps actually betrayed her. Yet Hange still continued to hold on to her idea that their ideas are all wrong, there must be a more peaceful way to end all this. Also, remember even do Hange had such an idealistic way on how she wanted it to end, no one explicitly agreed with her. 

Thus, she was lonely. And with that ‘dedicate your heart’ scene, Levi recognizes that loneliness and by saying “let’s dedicate our hearts” he’s telling her he is dedicating his heart to that same cause she is fighting for. And even if no one agrees with it, he agrees with her cause. 

He’s empathizing with it, he’s affirming it and he’s telling her what she’s fighting for isn’t wrong and he wants to clear her of any doubts in her final moments so she can fight till her hearts content. 

And I think that’s beautiful. I got the analysis  here.  

The “dedicate your heart” could mean one of all the things above but it can also mean all the things above at once. I like to hurt myself by thinking, Hange and Levi talk more with gestures than words and maybe Levi meant to say everything up there. 

And maybe with this face Hange gave we can see... 

She might have gotten all five messages before she sacrificed herself. 

Anyway, thanks for reading!

[shivroyslut]

I just listened to the whole Evermore album and I’m now on my second listen so here is Evermore songs I think are destiel related and whether they’re from Dean’s or Cas’ perspective (or both) - add more lyrics/parallels if you like

willow - both

“Wherever you stray I will follow”

champagne problems - okay tbh i dont see this as either of them but that one line...

“Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure” - MS SWIFT ??? ARE YOU A HELLER ???? CHEVY, NOVEMBER, AND FLANNEL IN THE SAME SENTENCE ???

gold rush - Cas

“Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush; I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush; I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch; Everybody wants you; Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you; Walk past, quick brush; I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush; I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush” - yeah this is just Cas simping on Dean for so many seasons

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?” - But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester

 ‘tis the damn season - both

“There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me; But if it's all the same to you; It's the same to me” - uhm this is just them fighting every season then making up a few epis later

“I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave” - PURGATORY

“I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay” - THIS IS JUST THE ENTIRE DESTIEL ARC IN THE FIRST HALF OF S15 LMAO

“Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out; We could just ride around; And the road not taken looks real good now” - this is Dean brooding every time Cas dies

tolerate it - Cas

“I sit and watch you; I notice everything you do or don't do”

“I wait by the door like I'm just a kid“

“If it's all in my head tell me now; Tell me I've got it wrong somehow”

“While you were out building other worlds, where was I?” - okay this is dean though

“Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?; I made you my temple, my mural, my sky; Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life” - this is Cas when they are fighting

“Always taking up too much space or time; You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I; Break free and leave us in ruins” - again when Dean is being an idiot and they fight

happiness - Cas

“But there was happiness because of you” - Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. You changed me. 

“Past the blood and bruise; Past the curses and cries; Beyond the terror in the nightfall; Haunted by the look in my eyes; That would've loved you for a lifetime; Leave it all behind” - ms swift are you a Cas girl ??

“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness” - literally Cas just wanting Dean to forgive him for everything

coney island - Dean

“If I can't relate to you anymore; Then who am I related to?” - every time Dean feels betrayed by Cas but especially in s6 when Cas teams up with Crowley, like my man had so much trust in Cas only for him to be wrong

“Sorry for not making you my centerfold”

“The question pounds my head; What's a lifetime of achievement; If I pushed you to the edge?; But you were too polite to leave me; And do you miss the rogue; Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?; Will you forgive my soul; When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?” - no offence but this is exactly what went through Dean’s head when he was sitting there crying after Cas got yeeted into the empty

“Over and over; Lost again with no surprises; Disappointments, close your eyes; And it gets colder and colder; When the sun goes down” - Dean mourning every time Cas died after the second time

“And when I got into the accident; The sight that flashed before me was your face; But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name” - uhm Dean seeing Cas as his life flashed before his eyes when he got impaled by the rusty nail and wanted him by his side but the writers were cowards he got caught up in the moment with Sammy and didn’t pray for him to come

“But I think that I forgot to say your name; Over and over” - i just think Dean is hard on himself for not keeping Cas closer to him after Cas died in 15x18

ivy - Dean

“How's one to know?; I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith forgotten land; In from the snow; Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow; Tarnished but so grand” - I’M THE ONE WHO GRIPPED YOU TIGHT AND RAISED YOU FROM PERDITION

“And the old widow goes to the stone every day; But I don't, I just sit here and wait; Grieving for the living” - Dean just wanting a win (Cas back) in s13

“I wish to know; The fatal flaw that makes you long to be; Magnificently cursed” - you know just Cas being very cursed throughout the whole show, and the fatal flaw is his love for Dean humanity

“I'd live and die for moments that we stole; On begged and borrowed time” - i think this is for both cause Cas’ line “Dean you know I always appreciate our talks and our time together” but Dean definitely feels the same way I mean he made Cas watch all those movies

cowboy like me - both (very destiel)

“Never wanted love; Just a fancy car; Now I'm waiting by the phone; Like I'm sitting in an airport bar” - this is painfully obviously Dean

“Eyes full of stars; Hustling for the good life; Never thought I'd meet you here; It could be love; We could be the way forward; And I know I'll pay for it” - very obvious Cas line 

“And the skeletons in both our closets; Plotted hard to fuck this up” - just the universe not wanting them to be together

long story short - Cas

“I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me”

“And I fell from the pedestal; Right down the rabbit hole” 

“When I dropped my sword; I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door; And we live in peace; But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready” - Cas always coming back and willing to give up everything for Dean

“And he feels like home”

“Now I'm all about you”

marjorie - both (but mainly Dean)

“Never be so kind; You forget to be clever; Never be so clever; You forget to be kind” 

“And if I didn't know better; I'd think you were talking to me now” - No I’m not talking to him, *proceeds to talk to and protect each other*

“What died didn't stay dead” - yah

“I should've asked you questions; I should've asked you how to be; Asked you to write it down for me; Should've kept every grocery store receipt; Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me” - Dean keeping the trench coat every time Cas dies

closure - Dean (but a little Cas)

“And seeing the shape of your name; Still spells out pain” - Dean after 15x18 seeing ‘Castiel’ on the table

“It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone”

“Don't treat me like; Some situation that needs to be handled” - can be Cas too

“I'm fine with my spite; And my tears, and my beers and my candles” - his anger stage when hes undergoing his 5 stages of grief after 15x18, and like every time he and Cas fight

“I don't need your closure” - ^

evermore - both ( this song is so destiel make this their fucking theme song)

“Motion capture; Put me in a bad light; I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone; Trying to find the one where I went wrong; Writing letters; Addressed to the fire” - Cas whenever Dean kicks him out and he doesn’t understand why or when Dean just let’s him go; and Dean in purgatory when he realises Cas was hiding from him, when he changed his memory to believe he let go of Cas, when he found out that Cas is the one who let him go. There is honestly so many examples for this line

“And I was catching my breath; Staring out an open window; Catching my death; And I couldn't be sure; I had a feeling so peculiar; That this pain would be for evermore” - Cas when he realises that he is in love with Dean but he can never be with him; and Dean when he thought he left Cas in purgatory and every time Cas died

“Hey December; Guess I'm feeling unmoored; Can't remember; What I used to fight for; I rewind thе tape but all it does is pause; On thе very moment, all was lost; Sending signals; To be double-crossed” - Cas when heaven pushed him away repeatedly and also when Dean pushed him away repeatedly when he was the whole reason he rebelled; and Dean when he just wanted that win in s13 and every other time he had doubt 

“Cannot think of all the cost; And the things that will be lost; Oh, can we just get a pause?; To be certain, we'll be tall again; Whether weather be the frost; Or the violence of the dog days; I'm on waves, out being tossed; Is there a line that I could just go cross?” - you know like whenever they feel hopeless; reminds me of the diner scene in s14e14 where they are talking about Michael

“And when I was shipwrecked; I thought of you; In the cracks of light; I dreamed of you; It was real enough; To get me through; I swear you were there” - Cas simping for Dean; Dean after escaping from purgatory seeing Cas everywhere

Anyways these are just my thought and links don’t attack me I’m just out here wasting time on a ship I was obsessed with in 2015 (I mean I am on break from uni and am jobless). Feel free to add more lyrics or parallels I’m pretty sure I missed quite a few. I do acknowledge that the album is definitely not about destiel and about Taylor herself but its just fascinating to find all these lyrical links to Dean and Cas’ relationship. 

[littencloud9]

a (long) rant on why i love promare

warning: contains spoilers

| the animation/art style

BROOO THE ANIMATION IS FREAKING FIRE I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING. ik it’s an action movie, but everytime a fighting scene comes on it just,, blows my mind. there’s so many things going on but somehow you know where and what to focus on and i think that’s really cool. also the colours?? the vibrancy and everything. i love love LOVE how the fire looks, or when there’s a sad scene and everything turns white and black and grey, or even the fact that everyone has colourful hair XD. even those scenes where the burnish are being used for fuel or when they’re dying/turning to ash/whatever you wanna call it, it all feels so magical. there’s a really special vibe in this movie which is amazing imo

| the storyline

as if this wasn’t obvious, but the storyline!! the plot!!! the characters!!!! everything is PERFECT. the part where galo realised that kray isn’t the hero he always thought he was, or when galo watches the lives of the burnish and realised through lio how terrible their fate is (ik lio said it’s a blessing but it’s kinda sad?? to just be burned up by the fire within yourself), or when aina learns about what heris is really working for.... gosh. this also brings me to my next point

| aina and heris’s relationship

okay i’m a SUCKER for interesting sibling relationships and promare DEFINITELY delivered. even though aina feels like she’s living in the shadow of her sister, she still loves her and it makes me 🥺. also, everything heris does, even if she knows it’s wrong, is all for protecting her sister. you can really see her conflict bc she knows what she’s doing is terrible but it gives aina a chance to be one of the 10,000 people to be on the spaceship, and she struggles between her morals and her sister’s safety. there’s also that badass scene where heris jumps off the building and reappears with aina in the helicopter like ???? okay queens??? go off LMAO. but yes their relationship was wonderfully shown and it’s fantastic

| kray’s character

honestly, kray reminds me of lysandre from pokémon xyz lol. he has this mentality that if someone doesn’t do something, the earth is gonna explode or whatever and everyone will die and he takes it upon himself to do it. ig he kinda sees himself as the hero?? (which we al know is wrong but whatever). and when he was revealed to be a burnish and he tries getting lio to join him by saying how he understands the feeling of wanting to burn the world down? or that he only saved galo as an excuse to build up his reputation? and then sent galo to be a firefighter bc it had the highest mortality rate?? he’s a terrible guy BUT he makes for a perfect villain and i’m here for it

| the soundtrack

OKAY COME ON I COULDN’T NOT INCLUDE THIS. THE SOUNDTRACK FREAKING  S L A P S. also you can’t listen to the lyrics of inferno and tell me that it isn’t just a romance song for lio and galo LOL

| the characters

okay tbh i really wish we could’ve gotten more of the burning rescue team. esp lucia!! she’s probably one of my favourites out of the team, alongside varys. she’s got this crazy science kid vibe and vinny (the lil mouse that’s always with her) makes it twenty times better. but anyway, i love how each of the characters have their own quirks and personalities and i really wish we could’ve gotten more of them

| the burnish 

as tragic as their lives were, i think it’s super cool how they all lent their power to make the core explode LOL that’s probably one of my favourite scenes in the movie. also lio’s generals? when they held back the ice just to send lio to the volcano in an attempt to protect him... 🥺 and the line ‘forget about us! the burnish's flame won't fade as long as you live!’ oh my GOD. RIGHT IN THE FEELS

| the humour

when lio captures galo and galo witnesses the life of the burnish and galo’s like ‘y’all eat???’ i have never laughed harder. lio’s FACE omg. or anytime someone jabs and insults the other,,, lio’s just like ‘you’re an idiot’ half the time and galo’s like ‘:((‘ LMAO. or the names of all the inventions and robots? it’s so silly but it really gives a breath of fresh air to the movie!! even if you don’t like romance/action, i’d 100% recommend it simply for the comedy

| galo and lio’s relationship 

alright, saving the best for last XD. there’s just,, so much i love about them? pushing the romance aside first, the way they work together is FANTASTIC. they’re both kinda reckless, but their fighting styles complement each other so much!! and when galo stuck their names together LMAO he’s so silly and lio knows it. they’ve got the same beliefs despite being on opposite sides (at first) and oh my god even the fist bump at the end was so CUTE what a bunch of dorks. 

romance wise, you’re lying if you say you don’t ship these two even just a little bit. throughout the WHOLE movie, even their first interaction where they’re just heavily glaring at each other,, the TENSION these two have omfg. lio figures out that galo really doesn’t know anything about kray and so he’s just like ‘i’m about to ruin your life sorry bro’ and galo is SHOOK but straight after that he’s like ‘the burnish. aren’t bad people?’ he’s seen the tragedy of them, even when lio attempts the burnish cpr thing and it fails and he just watched while the ash... fades. AND THEN HE DOES IT TO LIO AHAHAHAHA. but also, the way they work together is fan-freaking-tastic i said it already but i’ll say it again they COMPLEMENT each other so WELL. 

there’s also the part where lio’s flames protected galo and MY HEART... i think i uwued on the spot. to put in simple terms:

kray: attempts to kill galo

galo: doesn’t die

galo: lol actually my boyfriend gave me his flames to protect me so i won’t scorch to death and he’s also being burned from the inside so brb while i eat the flame he gave me and give it back to him through cpr kissing. yeah bye

KSHSKDHSLSJS

lio wakes up/resurrects/whatever you call it, RIPS OFF HIS SHIRT, JOINS GALO IN THE ROBOT HALF NAKED. this is especially funny to me bc lio at first dissed galo for being naked and now he joined??? LMAO THAT’S GAY YOU CAN’T CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. and then the robot flew off and THE SMOKE THING TOOK THE SHAPE OF A HEART DHSKDHSK I SCREAMED. CAN THEY GET ANY MORE OBVIOUS???? 😭😭😭😭😭

i haven’t talked much about it yet but the kiss. the KISS. say what you want about it being cpr but that scene SCREAMED ‘ily pls wake up i will kiss you like there’s no tomorrow bc this is my last chance WAKE UP’ to me. and when lio wakes up he’s like ‘...galo? you saved me?’ MY HEART PLEASE 😭😭😭. these two DORKS. and the little fist bump at the end oh god. it’s okay y'all can kiss we all know you want to. the smirks/smiles they send to each other.......... 

AND AND AND NOT TO MENTION THEIR DYNAMIC. listen lio can call galo an idiot however many times he wants BUT we all know lio admires galo and is totally willing to go on with his plans. ‘what’s your strategy?’ ‘grinning and bearing it!’ PLEASE that’s such a galo thing to do and lio’s like: are you serious i have to work with YOU 

and even at the end he’s like ‘you really are an idiot’ LMAO I COULDN’T HELP MYSELF I LITERALLY BLURTED OUT ‘but he’s your idiot’ AND ALMOST STARTED CRYING RIGHT THERE AND THEN

um this is WAY longer than i intended it to be but yeah here. this is me screeching over promare :)

[daisylincs]

ur secret santa accidentally got a bit too secret this week as i finished up my finals but now i am free!! throw all ur fav fitzsimmons @ hogwarts headcanons my way, big or small, relevant to the prompt or not, i'd love to hear them! and just for fun (& for me to listen to while i work on ur gift), any song(s) that remind u of our fitzsimmons? cant believe we're this close to the end :)

Oh my gosh, hello, Santa! 💜💜 No worries about the secrecy thing, I've been a touch less active myself here, too, and spending my days being spectacularly lazy 😝 Ah, breaks are the BEST, and I'm so glad you've got one now too!

So, hmmm, Fitzsimmons at Hogwarts headcanons, let me see.

Well, first of all, I think that they're both Ravenclaws, with very little question about that? Fitz could maybe be a Gryffindor, maybe, but ultimately I'd say they're both classic Ravenclaw. They'd also both be those Hermione-esque students who are naturally brilliant at magic, and get all the spells right through a combination of homework (high five, Jemma 🤣) and talent.

I also think that Jemma would be made a prefect pretty much as soon as she was old enough - because, come on, she's literally perfect for it. Responsible but still compassionate, and more than smart enough to keep up with her school duties despite having other responsibilities - yup. Fits the bill perfectly!

Fitz, I think, would be more of a wild card prefect-wise, because he's a little shyer and less natural with people, and also if we have Daisy in the story, he's bound to get into some kind of shenanigans with her 🤣😝

Thirdly, and I don't know how relevant this is at all, lol, I'm literally just spamming you with my Hogwarts-y thoughts and ideas here - but I've always thought that, in pretty much any Hogwarts AU, Coulson would make the most PERFECT Dumbledore, and May the best McGonagall. I mean, just. 😍😍😍😍😍

Ohhh, my gosh, and the last thing I LOVE to headcanon is that Fitzsimmons is That Couple who the entire school ships, and wants to get together - best friends, or maybe enemies (! 👀), but either way very much into each other, and very much mutually oblivious about it.

Hmmmhhhmm, that's all I can think of at 8am this morning, and without a cup of tea, no less 🤣😱🤦‍♀️ But if you'd like any more hcs about this, ask again anytime and I'd love to share them! We still have a few days left 😍😍🤣 And, you know, in general - I'd love to talk to you a bit more once this is all over.

Before I go, though, you asked me for some Fitzsimmons songs - and I'll let you in on a secret here, I absolutely can't listen to anything while trying to write, because my musical brain gets distracted with the harmonies and analysis of the song, or... I just start singing along, lmaoo. Case in point: no writing gets done.

So while I don't have a convenient writing playlist to pick from, after having a bit of a think, I've managed to pull together a list of songs that give me the best FS feels. 🥰

You Were Never Gone from Teen Wolf - this song is, and probably always will be, my number one Fitzsimmons song. Even if the lyrics weren't positively perfectly suited to them (which they are) I also saw an AMAZING Fitzsimmons edit on it once, and that now lives rent-free in my head, along with the stirring and fantastic song itself.

Perfect by Ed Sheeran - this song is probably the most romantic love song I've ever heard, and nothing short of perfect (😝) for any OTP.

Birds by Imagine Dragons - getting angstier here, but this song captures the pain of everything Fitz and Jemma have gone through exquisitely well, and how they still keep hoping they'll find each other again.

Work Song by Hozier - c'mon, you can't have a halfway decent playlist without a Hozier song on it, and this one, especially the part where he sings about how no grave can hold him back from his love, just seems very Fitzsimmons to me.

Please Don't Say You Love Me by Gabrielle Aplin - this is one of those songs that make me think of a very specific time period in FS's history; namely, in season 2, when Fitz had confessed his feelings to Jemma, but she isn't sure how she feels yet, and just doesn't want things to change. Also, Iain de Caestecker is in the music video, and, come on, you don't get much better for FS feels than that! 😝😍

No Light, No Light by Florence + the Machine - another time-specific one, and another SUPER angsty one. To me, there's no song that captures post-Framework Fitzsimmons better, especially the part where she sings about no light in his bright blue eyes. 💔

The Scientist by Coldplay - the last one on my list, and maaaaybe a bit of an obvious choice, lmao, but still one that I think fits them regardless. It's full of heartbreak ("no-one ever said it would be this hard") and also the haunting, sincere wish to "Oh, take me back to the start // I was just guessing at numbers and figures // Pulling the puzzles apart // Questions of science, science and progress // Do not speak as loud as my heart." And I'm just like... damn. Everything about it - lyrics, title, tune - just SCREAMS Fitzsimmons, and I love it.

Right, my dear Secret Santa, I hope you liked this somewhat long and rambly, but hopefully very Fitzsimmons-y and wonderful answer! I, too, cannot believe we're this close to the end (and more than a little pleased to meet a fellow procrastinator writing-wise 🤣✋). With a couple more days to go (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, indeed) HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

This might be boring but... thoughts on the seventeen comeback?

Not boring at all, Imma go ham so this might be boring for y’all lmao

Songs

Fearless - I love the opening with the pattern in vocables I think it sounds so cool. I really love the rock influence, especially into the chorus I think it’s great when they do that. The contrast of that with Wonwoo’s voice into the second verse is so good. That call back to Fear is amazing I am such a massive Slut for that. The ad libs at the end are amazing as always

Left and Right - cool right from the start. I really love that they pulled for early 2000s influences. The prechorus and then the horns in the in the chorus feel like a reference to that as well as call back to their earlier music, in particular  mansae and very nice. Seungkwan’s part in the second verse is heavenly. Also it has a fade out at the end and that’s like, I commend Mr.Lee Jihoon on attention to detail with that.

I Wish - From the start, this one goes the hardest with the nostalgic sounds. It’s a little jazzy in the way early 2000s ballads did. And the use of synthy instruments for that accents to the melody like I just love it it’s rally like a whole blast from the past. Oh and the rap towards the end with the vocal under it, perfection.

My My - I am this song’s bitch. It’s very much the cute song that’s in line with their other sounds like Snap Shoot and so much Oh My and that whole mini. The prechorus bit that Jihoon does the first time and Seungkwan the second time is one of my favourite melodies Lee Jihoon has ever written and it perfectly captures the whole idea of this mini album. 

Kidult - Oh a whole ass song. I love love love the chorus that’s what hooked me for this song like it feels nostalgic and like long car rides or sitting around the fire and just being caught between kid and adult with your friends it’s just perfect. Also catch me learning the ad libs at the end.

Together - Just yes, from the first note yes. Again the rock influence that they always do so well. The prechorus bit done in unison oh I’m such a sucker for that shit. It juts, oh it hits me right in the heart. I love that the lyrics will change up their cadence but there’s this continuous drum beat underneath drives the song forward which is fitting when the translation of the title is more like “Come with me” to “Let’s go together.”  Also that bit in the bride that ascending line with the affect on the voice oh god i love that. And ending on that high violin note just yes.

Overall, I think they really manage to capture the feeling and idea of youth that they were going for in sound and content. The only thing I’m sad about is not having unit songs.

MVs

My My - I know a lot of people didn’t like it but I think it’s cute. I like the overall look and the styling a lot. I know it’s visually busy but I don’t mind and tbh are we really gonna complain about that when Clap exists? Like I love Clap but there’s so much happening visually. I think the dark colouring works with the time of day they were going for. I think it’s really whimsical. I think Jihoon sitting on the trailer is just the best thing ever. Jun piloting the ship and Chan’s smile is so precious. Oh MY GOD Seungkwan?? He looks so good it’s ridiculous. I hate when the jam sings that’s cursed. I think the pool scene is cute but I wish we got to see more of the dance. Cheol’s pink hair yes i loved it.

Left and Right - LOVE the styling and makeup I think it’s so so cool. Cheol’s part, yes it’s so good and he looks so good I’m so glad my husband is back. Lmao when they let Seungkwan run and everyone else just starts dancing, also dancing over Jihoon while he lies on the ground, throwing Soonie in the hair (thoush my coworker said that has to do with henggarae so that’s fair) and Cheol blasting off in the car, pure crack. Omg Soonie’s care suit is so cute I love it. I love Hansol’s into Chan’s into Seungkwan’s parts so much  that whole sequence is amazing. omg Joshua turning the signs like it’s some big thing. But then Seokmin’s lie just after that is perfection. Oh and Jihoon’s leather pants fuck me up. 

Comeback Show

Left and Right - Really tied the theme together for me seeing the opening like it’s so clear and I just love it. I love the choreo as always but the styling takes the cake on this one. I also really love the little hip wiggle. And Seungkwan is ending me. And Joshua is too cocky.

Mansae - The styling is too much fun and the changes are fresh. I like that it helps bring out the contrast and the call backs in Left and Right. Seokmin looks like he’s right out the turn of the millennium. Joshua forgot not to be sexy. There choreo has also come so far. 

My My - Seungkwan in those shorts and knee highs will forever be my fav thing. Also the choreo is so cute. I love starting on the floor. I love Jihoon’s steering wheel. I love the waves. I love the Minghao, Wonwoo, Hansol bit. I love teh carrying Seungkwan. I love Jun reaching for the camera, And when I tell you I LOVE the campfire!!

Hit - The styling on this was so cool. Lmao Jun’s one arm out. I forgot how much I love Seungkwan’s part with Jeonghan and then Chan in the dance. Also lord this must have been a long day for them

Fearless - The most grandiose thing they’ve done thus far It gives me Dionysus by BTS vibes (which if you haven’t seen the stages for that go watch them). I love the opening and the spiral in and Hansol’s whole everything. I love that the styling calls back to fear. Jeonghan’s dancing is amazing he is such an underrated dancer. Wonwoo up in the air like a king oh boy. The chorus choreo is just amazing.  The first flyer was cool but when I tell you I almost screamed at Jeonghan running up their backs and trust falling good lord. Seungkwan and Seokmin’s mirror is inspired. It’s some of the best choreography they have ever done.

[incomprehensiblelentils]

I did not get around to this yesterday but, a short selection of fictional things that meant a lot to me over the last decade! ...it is going under a cut bc it is Too Long sorry lmao.

Books

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng: this book came out in September 2017 and I have read it four times already. It’s the kind of book I want to write but I’m not sure I’m clever enough to: every event and every character is so purposeful and you won’t catch everything the first time through. Every time I reread it I find something new to marvel at. I hope the Hulu series is half as good

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng: this was the first piece of fiction I ever found with a family with a Chinese father and a white mother. This family is a lot less functional than my family, but I've read this three times because that means the world to me. 

Ash by Malinda Lo: I discovered this in 2011 and it was the first f/f novel I ever read, and as I would later learn, one of a handful with a happy ending at the time, particularly in YA fiction. For a long time, I reread it every time I felt hopeless. I just reread it again last month and it is still as beautiful and meaningful to me as in 2011.

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: This is an Asian-inspired fantasy (becoming more common now, but still irritatingly rare) written by a queer Asian woman, with f/f. I think it is only the second one of these, after Ash? It is frustratingly rare, anyway. The worldbuilding is incredible also.

The Astonishing Color of After by Emily X.R. Pan: We are getting more stories about biracial Asians, but they are still pretty rare and I treasure every one. This one felt so real to me.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth: The first half of this book captures so beautifully what it’s like growing up queer in a religious environment when you don’t even have the words or self-awareness to know what you’re feeling. This was another one I read over and over again when I was feeling low.

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater: this is just a book for horse girls. I don’t know how else to describe this lol. I also feel like the romance is super downplayed until the very end, and honestly barely feels like a romance to me, so that’s refreshing!

Movies:

Pacific Rim (2013): I remember having this weird feeling when asked to give my top 3 movies once in high school, like maybe my favorite movie hadn’t come out yet so I couldn’t answer properly. I was right; this is the movie I was waiting for. This is my favorite movie. The feelings this movie gives me is the standard I hold all movies to.

Terminator: Dark Fate (2019): but Megan, didn’t this just come out? Yes, and it’s my other favorite movie now. I love (almost) every second of this movie. This movie made me feel a way that I thought maybe I might never feel again, after a certain other franchise movie this year took a dump on my heart. I don’t care that we’re never getting a sequel, we got this and that’s enough for me.

Thor (2011): Those of you who have been around awhile know that I really love this movie. I loved it before we all jumped on the Thor train after Ragnarok and I will continue to love it probably my whole life. It just makes me happy.

Aquaman (2018): This is Thor but underwater and with a biracial hero. It made me cry in the theater and I do not want to hear any negative opinions about it, I find them personally wounding.

Belle (2013): The fact that Gugu Mbatha-Raw isn’t a superstar is tragic, and this movie is gorgeous and lovely and made me feel a lot of things as a biracial person.

Mad Max Fury Road (2015): I remember seeing the trailer for this in the theater and going “yikes that looks like a thing I would never watch.” Joke’s on you, past me!!!! I find this a deeply stressful but glorious film that I can only watch like, once or twice a year.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010): I do not need or want to hear about how this movie is Problematic, I know all of its issues, and yet. It brings me joy and it was one of the first movies I saw when I was just starting to break out of my religious upbringing and I laugh until I cry every time I watch it.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015): I am starting to realize that I am not and never really was a Star Wars Fan, which is to say that like...I love this movie specifically, I love the characters, I love the interactions, I love the stuff that happens. I do not so much love Star Wars as a whole? I like it fine! But this movie is the only part of the franchise to really make me go “oh, I get it.”

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women (2017): This was a weird little movie that nobody saw and nobody talked about, but I adore it because it’s so gentle and romantic. I don’t know how accurate it is to history and frankly I do not really care.

Big Hero 6 (2014): are you tired of me mentioning I’m biracial yet? This movie has biracial protagonists and a cute squishy robot and no romance and superhero stuff and I love it so much.

F8: The Fate of the Furious (2017): I went to go see this on a whim with my wife and it was one of the most joyous theater experiences of my life. I don’t know, I just love everything about it.

TV shows:

Community: This only kind of counts because it started in 2009 but I started it mid-s2 so eh. Seasons 1-3 of this show are written on my heart, I can quote a ridiculous amount of dialogue from them and these characters will stay with me forever. Warts and all, this is my show.

Dollhouse: Another technicality but like, I met my wife because we both loved Bennett Halverson so I gotta put this on here. It’s pretty significantly affected my life! Also I find that it holds up fairly well, if you’re down for the admittedly iffy premise and an ending that’s a bit of a mess narratively due to sudden cancellation.

Agents of SHIELD: I would never claim that this show is “good” but I do think that it has mostly figured out what the hell it’s doing. And it has been a pretty significant part of my fandom life for the last 6 years, so to leave it off this list would feel wrong. It gave me Daisy Johnson, first canon biracial superhero as played by a biracial actor, and for that i will always be grateful.

Warehouse 13: I could not tell you why I fell so deeply in love with this dumb, badly written show that shit the bed in the final episode more spectacularly than I could have imagined, and yet I did! I think probably it is because I love found family so much, and also I find goofy camp charming more often than not. And of course, there is Bering and Wells, the femslash ship that fandom forgot. I will never be over how no one knows what we have suffered!!!!!

Runaways: wow was this a surprise! The Runaways comic is my favorite comic besides Marjorie Liu’s X-23 run, and this show has basically nothing to do with it, and normally that would piss me off but they got my kids’ personalities down so well and all of the actors are so perfect that I really can’t complain. And also, this show has canon f/f and neither of them die at the end! Which is...better than some other shows I could mention!

Doctor Who series 1 and 5: I had a very intense Doctor Who phase in college, and after all was said and done and I quit the show for a time, I realized that although I love a lot of the characters, and Thirteen’s run is pretty good so far, what I really loved was Nine’s run and Eleven’s first season. That is the show at its best to me. Eccleston is my Doctor and Amy is my favorite companion.

Legends of Tomorrow: Look, I am as shocked as anyone that this, the scrappy underdog of the DCTV lineup, is the one that’s most emotionally competent and has the best character arcs! But here we are. Season 4 was some of my favorite TV I’ve seen, uh, ever.

Albums

Dirty Computer by Janelle Monae: I listened to this for basically a year straight after it came out. It’s just ridiculously good.

Something Fierce by Marian Call: This was my on-repeat album in college. i drew a lot of strength from it, and I think that it’s still the best album to recommend to people who ask me about her.

Standing Stones by Marian Call: I heard most of these songs live at concerts before they were quite done yet, so it was really special to get to hear them all collected together like this. I’m going to get a tattoo with a lyric from one of these songs because no one’s quite been able to put my basic philosophy into words quite like Marian.

Heartthrob by Tegan and Sara: Hot Take, I know, because a lot of people hate this album, but it was so affirming to go out and buy A Lesbian Album from A Lesbian Band in 2013.

The Rent movie soundtrack: I know, I KNOW, but in my defense, my parents got me this for my birthday my first year of college and I needed it so desperately. I can definitely still do “La Vie Boheme” from the beginning and probably most of the other songs too.

In the Heights OBCR: I can only listen to this when I want to cry, but it’s my favorite musical. I got to see the show in 2018 and it was incredible. I think it’s better than Hamilton and I can’t wait for the movie to come out.

Trouble by Natalia Kills: this album is really great and also it says fuck a lot, which I used to be very nervous about hearing or saying, and this helped immensely!

[lunebinnie]

(1/14)I am so sorry for taking so long! (I also had to spend a lot of time studying this week bc I had my first exam for my Anatomy Lab on Wednesday... And then we had our first exam for *Lecture* Thursday (which also was the day I had a bunch of powerpoints due for my very intimidating adviser...) and then I had to substitute teach all day Friday (and then I meant to respond sooner but I got so busy 😭) so yeah I completely understand about school getting in the way no worries abt it!)

And also sleeping in on a day off when you’ve been busy studying lately is completely valid hon 👌 I hope that your midterms go well and that you’re able to stay healthy and take care of yourself in the midst of preparing! (not that you wouldn’t, I just have a bad habit of neglecting things like healthy sleeping and eating habits when I get caught up studying, so hopefully you’re not like me in that way) And yeah me too! I mean on the one hand I understand *why* they have that limit

3)If u could just send as many as u want there would be so much more spam and ppl would definitely abuse that. But also?? Um? I have a chronic condition called ‘Can'tShuttheFuckUp-itis’? 🤷 This policy is so discriminatory towards people like me who suffer from this crippling condition! I feel oppressed honestly 🙄 tumblr rlly has something against ppl just trying to get to know each other huh? Lol, but at least now we know why it eats them I’ll be sure to try to prevent that in the future

4)And oh my gosh that’s so cool! I’m super jealous!! 😮 lol. I wish they hosted kpop nights at my local bar! 😭😭 But no, I’m here at my little state college in a little 2 mi2 town just under pop 5500 (and idek if that’s before or after counting college students) in the middle of the 'farm zone’ of my state. All we get is country night @Riley’s 😩 RIP. But ya I wish I had more ppl around me who were into kpop! So far I’ve only met 3 ppl who listen to it. One was that roommate I told you about

5)One is just a casual listener who isn’t really into 3rd gen groups and mostly just listens to Girl’s Generation but that’s valid, and one isn’t even rlly a fan of any groups in particular, she just puts the kpop station on when she studies bc she says she needs music but if it’s in English she gets distracted, lol And omg that is insane! $500?? And 5 copies of the same album? 😲 (Says the girl who’s been a Monbebe for a hot 2 months and has already bought three (3??) Monsta X T-shirts… 😂

6)in my defense tho one of them was only $10 bc it was Black Friday? And u can’t blame me, Hot Topic is my krypotonite lmao) but yeah I already feel guilty about spending 30+ dollars on one copy of an album (thx international shipping) That’s so wild. And yeah I don’t get why ppl feel the need go out of their way just to insult other ppl’s music taste. I’m also pretty self conscious abt sharing my music taste and obviously the way everyone around me talks abt kpop has made me even moreso now 🙃

7) I haven’t gotten into too many groups yet bc I’m trying to go slowly and focus on getting into one group at a time but I do have a long list of groups I plan on getting into eventually! NU'EST is one that I’ve heard some of their songs on my Spotify based on my listening history and they’re on the list haha 😂 And omg I feel really similarly about Got7! I tried to get into them after I got into Monsta X and right before I got into Astro and although I did really like some of their songs

8)I haven’t really been able to get into their music as much as MX and Astro’s yet. I do think they seem like a really fun group in terms of personality though. As for the comeback I know right?? I mean I know a lot of ppl were freaking out abt the comeback being a 'sexy’ and how it wasn’t gonna be the same cute Astro we all love anymore. But they filled the MV with flowers and glitter and still managed to make it sexy as fuck! This album has a very different vibe but it still felt like them

9) They managed to pull off a more mature and sexy concept while still staying true to themselves and I’m so here for it! I don’t know if I could really pick a favorite era because I love them all! I mean Spring Up was an excellent era and every era since then has been great. They really don’t know how to have any bad concepts or make any bad songs huh? Lol. Since I’m still pretty new I really love the title tracks since I’ve heard them the most. (I have listened to their full discography

10)But I haven’t listened to their Bsides enough to pick out my favorites from those) I also really love Again though! The first time I saw the dance practice I was super into it and then I looked up the lyrics and was like 'this is supposed to be sad/regretful song it has no reason to be this much of a BOP?!’ 😂 I have such a hard time picking favorites though. Since All Light is new though I actually have listened to it enough times to pick some 'non-title song favorites’ from there haha

11) Other than All Night (which is great, obvi) I also really like Starry Sky, Moonwalk and Role Play 😂 and Bloom is so pretty oh my god! 😭😭 the album is great and has no bad songs but those are the ones I particularly like. I feel u about the dances honestly. I think that’s actually what drew me to kpop initially. I mean I like listening to the songs ofc but it wasn’t until after I actually watched an MV/saw the choreography that I actually was like… Oh shit I’m gonna have to be a fan now

12) It was the visual aspect that really made me want to be a kpop fan bc I haven’t really seen that level of performance with any western music. Which isn’t to say I think all western music is bad but I think it’s really impressive to watch kpop groups singing and also doing really impressive choreography and performing at the same time. Plus that’s the part I can show my family and say 'even if you don’t like the music because of the language barrier you have to admit they’re talented dancers’

13)And yes! With Astro especially I think the dance practices rlly succinctly capture the reason why I love them so much. They are *super* talented but they also have such great chemistry and u can rlly tell that they just love each other and have so much fun together! I love a family of six hardworking dorks! 🤧💗 lol. And yeah it’s too bad that neither of are able to see them this cb ☹️ (I also did the 'hypothetically…’ research but it wouldn’t have worked out 😒) I hope you’re right though!

14)Hopefully the success of this comeback is the catalyst to Astro getting more of the attention they deserve and there will be many more opportunities to see them in the future! (Although it is too bad we won’t be able to see live performances from this cb, since it’s so pretty 😭 tho with their track record I’m sure future cb’s will be just as good lol) But what about you? Do you have any favorite songs from this cb in particular? Talk again soon! (I’ll try 2 b better @ responding 😭) -AHA

FUCKKK okay so after like a million years of midterms + 2 days straight of sleeping ya girl is BACK to answer these asks after getting through the hurdle of copying and pasting and italicizing 14 asks onto one response on my phone. Did I perhaps fail at least 3 of my midterms? Quite probably. Do I have the energy to care atm? No. Did I need to get away from everything and fly to Boston to visit my friend for reading week? Yes.

How did all your exams go? That sounds crazy though! I hope you got through everything ok!

Tbh I have the same unhealthy habits too, I essentially became nocturnal and lived on like one meal a day + snacks and coffee 😭 fr, I would be writing my midterm from 11:30-1:30, go home to eat, sleep from 4-7pm, then wake up to study all night for the next one, and repeat,,,,, I’m like an actual mess tbh

Honestly as much as I’ve enjoyed the Aroha secret admirer thing (it was sooo nice getting to meet new people) rn I’m just so glad that post-reveal we don’t have to deal with tumblr ask limits and writing entire essay responses all in one go.

Honestly 3 shirts isn’t even THAT bad especially if they weren’t all like ordered from overseas so they wouldn’t have been that expensive. When I went to the Myeongdong underground shopping centre I went craaaazy with Kpop merch despite stanning (at that point, pretty much only) BTS for a whole 3 weeks, so I ended up coming back with 2 albums, a bunch of stickers, a photocard pack (also bonus: got an Astro one too) and like a BUNCH of bt21 stuff. Speaking of, my All Light album finally came in!! I ended up getting a Moonbin, MJ, Jinjin, and Sanha photocard plus the a Rocky lyric booklet and ik I basically got THE best set for someone who loves all of them w my whole heart 😩✊ but I’m still sad I didn’t get any Eunwoo cards since he was my first Astro bias 😭 it’s soooooo pretty I love it sm and like lowkey I’ll probably end up buying more of their albums anyway oopsss

Speaking of Monsta X btw, I heard their new song and I thought it was really good! What did you think of it?

Regarding favourite songs, I swear my moods change so much, so it’s pretty common for me to not love a song at first and sort of rediscover it months later, and tbh that’s kind of what happened with Innocent Love, Baby, and Again. In this album though, I’d say my favourite Bsides are probably be Bloom, 1 in a Million, and Heart Brew Love.

And I toootally agree with the performance aspect of kpop being the thing to attract me it, even before I got really into it I’d sometime like to watch dance practices (and lowkey even learned a bunch of choreos a with my friend last term just bc we had access to a frequently empty dance studio). It’s just super impressive to see people singing and dancing at the same time mostly live, and for the same reasons I’m also super into musicals as well, which isn’t so say I think like lip syncing or just dancing/singing is bad, it’s just refreshing to see it done all at once, you know?

Also side story it turns out that I actually DO know another Astro fan irl!! Her older sister (who I’m closer to bc we’re closer in age) is the one who bought the million got7 albums. Even though she’s been a fan of Astro since before debut, her sister doesn’t even know she listens to kpop since she was afraid of getting roasted at first, but now she’s in too deep to say anything. I’d mentioned liking Astro to her before, but she didn’t say anything bc she didn’t want to expose herself in front of her sister but on Friday I saw her while her sister was out and she was like “oh btw here’s a secret I went to the Toronto fanmeet last year but my sister doesn’t know” I was SHOOK but tbh I’m just super glad now to have someone to talk about it and go to concerts with (I’m banking on the fact that they’re coming back)

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for waiting 2747287482 million years for my response, and it was so great to finally (officially) meet you Kjersten!

@kaptain-k-pop

[wreckthelist]

‘cause talk is cheap: bangtan brings my butter pt I.

I hate butter.

Not the song, obviously. I hate the grease, the vomit-inducing odor. How it dissolves and coats, lubricates the pan with all that... fat.

But love means never hesitating and unconditionally welcoming whatever’s in store with opening arms, weathering the storm and soldiering through world-war I trenches side-by-side, that sort of shit.

And so. When my beloved boys (everyone’s - yea, I hear you) released the first blindingly piercing yellow - like that obnoxious cheery shade, you know it- teaser logo for the 2021 single butter, I did welcome it with open arms.

The twitter TL was yellow. Thai ARMY’s in particular. Cough, ahem ahem.

Then came the first set of teaser photos, which were... lackluster and underwhelming, to say the least. The boys’ charms and looks alone were pretty much carrying the shots.

It took a couple of days to realize they were in an elevator. And then the comparisons with Dope started.

This glow up! Pssst. Precious.

The concept clips and second set of teaser photos threw everyone into a frenzied spin.

I mean, what in the fresh hell?

The jewelry. The props. The leather. Skin. Fresh cut shorts, bare arms. Explosive hair colors. 

Skin.

Please never, ever, ever cease being you, Kim Taehyung. Whatever you view you to be at that point in life. Because I adore you.

I dunno what sort of awkward family photo this is. But it just is.

Auras from Hoseok and Seokjin - we are not surprised. We’re just in respectful awe.

Now, 하자, here’s the main dish.

Of all the teasers, the trailer definitely hit me the hardest.

I mean. Are you kidding me? 

Those shimmering jacket flaps. Performer streaks dying to break out. Dancey dance bass beats, boys covering their mouths bopping their heads to each beat like they’re relishing being great teases they are at holding back a secret they can’t wait to spill.

God. Yes.

Color the whole clip in black and white and I’m weak in the knees.

Then, as you may have guessed by now, knowing me, I made pancakes the morning of May 20th, 1 day before the comeback.

The logo didn’t quite come out as designed. But still. Kind of. Okay.

So I coated the pan with butter, maybe for the first time in my life. And I (and Dad) let the it melt. We had the heat turned up too high, and I never did get the butter melting instagram worthy content I wanted the minute I decided to side step (ha ha) my own ongoing diet and asked Dad to buy the After You wholewheat (I tried. It’s not Makai Acai’s Oat pancakes but I tried.).

But what I could tell you was butter sizzled. It melted and crackled and dissolved into little bursts of exploding fireworks, little tszzz teasers of sounds that attacked you in minuscule jabs, mini dynamites, almost.

And that’s the way BTS’s butter smoothly melted its way into your hearts. Even non-ARMY’s.

When we think, ‘smooth,’ we think one-shot motions, uninterrupted movements and cool guy swagger. An exact, precise sort of soft, pillowy flow that messes with nobody and elevates in a class by itself.

Butter is all that and more.

There’s power in using a singular word as the title, one that rolls off the tongue and can be British (but-tah) and American (butt-ter) at the same time.

It grabs you. Pulls you in. And seeps, makes its way in.

Start with a simple backdrop (there’s a high chance that, if I were chatting with you on Microsoft Teams at 11am, May 21, I was humming along to Butter) - then bring in Jungkook, just as I’d been afraid that the whole MV would be minimal as per the teaser.

Then the beat drops and in walks Jungkook - doing what he does best.

(and more. because, you know, Golden Maknae.)

And bam. We got a Michael Jackson reference right off the bat. Of course.

Hey, thanks Dynamite for getting us together, I’d hold off no limits too.

How can I even begin to describe the swag that’s oozing and flowing in his screencap?

When asked by Zach the radio host what it means to be ‘smooth like butter,’ Jungkook replied, ‘like Jimin,’ and boy, is he not wrong.

Center!Jimin in white, white!Seokjin right behind him and surrounded by all men in black? I’ll take one, please.

Look at that neck.

And those wrists.

The jewelry on them. His rings, the watch. The dangling earrings.

This man did not come to play.

Taehyung’s index finger, Namjoon’s fist, Jungkook’s hand-gun(?) in Jimin’s direction and pouty lips ready to spill secrets, Yoongi’s inward-curling hand and fingers (for what? we’ll never know), Hoseok’s gaping duo fingers and pushed up, swaggered lips. Booyah, baby. We in for something special.

Only the second line, but the MJ reference carries. Jungkook’s oozing swag, still, and he’s in character.

The lyrics continues, emphasizes the theme of ‘a smooth criminal’ that’s only too exemplified by all that JK swag we’ve come to know and love and adore to the point of charmed unadulterated worship.

Lips pressed together, eye brows closed in.

Hello, mister.

The word ‘undercover’ is a grand slap bang to the first mini bomb dropped by Butter, just 12 seconds into the song (intro included), transporting the ‘smooth criminal’ phrase into some furtive operation (to steal ARMYs’ hearts! but let’s not get ahead of ourselves), even boasting (with swag) that in disguise, under the outspoken, openly announced pretense of being someone else, bangtan will still manage to---

The money shot. We’re not ashamed of watching and rewatching this for 100M++ times. Never.

Let’s never stop gabbing about how much I love and adore KookV. Not only the portmanteau, or shipping, or anything platonic or imagined romantic bond or whatever. Just. Them.

Them being them and all this chemistry. This bond. This relationship.

Look at Taetae glancing over his shoulder, index finger pointing at Jungkook sneaking up behind him, that extended long hair curved over his adorable round face, the cheeks filling up the frame. Jungkook’s heels pointed at the floor and one shoe raised, about to walk on by in Taehyung’s backdrop.

What’s amazing about Bangtan, always, is that they never seem to steal each other’s spotlight. The harmonic coexistence, chemistry, and tangible, implied closeness is even captured in a still screencap.

“Gon’ pop like trouble,” at first listen reminded me of bubbles, to be honest, but then naturally I got to thinking of those bubbly (Hi, Colbie Caliat, lol) blisters of oily Butter that went tsz tsz tsz soon as the butter melted on the pan.

It’s not deathly harm. It’s just heated scratches - warm enough to wake you up, explosive enough to make you pause, and tinges enough to poke and nudge you to listen. 

Never imploring. Not forcing. Never heavy-handed. Because this, ladies and gents, this is swag.

So they’re hinting (adorably - because I view Jungkook and Taehyung through adoring, fond lens) that they’re about to cause trouble, wreck havoc, bring the pain (I’m kidding), but in that soft, self-contained imagery of the word ‘pop’ that dissociates, dissolves within seconds before you know it, before you could prepare or get ahold of yourself.

The butter pops. BTS’s buttery bubble pops. And the world’s no less than prepared.

Gratuitous shot of us with Jungkook. Look, we are right there on his palm.

 Also, because I am in love with this smile.

(It’s such a typical MV shot, but I’ll let it pass. Because. You know. Jungkook.)

(Yes. That word in and of itself is the answer.)

(No takebacks.)

At this level of detailed inspection, I can’t help wondering if Namjoon’s looking to Hoseok or someone else to check the beat. I would’ve done the same, Joonie.

But yes, right in my weakness for synchronized, uniformed (preferably suits) boys performing.

(I heard you.)

We lose.

There’s nowhere to go.

They’ve caught us.

Center!Hoseok and Jimin looking down like that to the left of the frame. Men in black in a grouped cluster behind Hoseok, Tae looking down to the middle of the left, Joon to the right, and Jungkook to Tae’s back of the neck. Seokjin almost dancing and Yoongi’s half profile turned to the camera for that reveal of this gorgeous bodyline curve in a tailor made suit.

Ok, yea.

so criminal. very swag. dead arresting.

I am taken.

So. Back to the lyrics.

“Breakin’ into your heart like that,’ they’ve told us and told us when introducing Butter that the track would melt and dissolve its way into ARMY’s hearts, and right here is Jungkook himself singing about “breakin’“ making his explosive way into the listener’s heart.

“Breakin’“ continues the theme of ‘smooth criminal,’ and ‘undercover [psst. disguises]’ committing a crime, invoking violence, splaying black on a white canvas, creating impact just to be noticed. The imagery this evokes in my head was some kind slamming, a crash-course collision, banging (what a banger! lmao) its way into someone’s innermost, close emotional space they hold dear: the heart. (An important, standout word to note: “in” - once someone is in, he/she is “in.”)

But be not afraid. This criminal is bangtan.

Taehyung’s pursed lips are the “cool” stunners here.

Side note: of course people noticed only Tae and Yoongi are the ones sporting sunglasses (me! want! give! please!... but why? in this pandemic... why....). #Taegi #GaV forever.

Cough.

Love how he enunciates syllables, rolls them like babies in his mouth for us. This almost-wet(?) look, fashionably messed up head of hair, and the ~$287K one-sided dangly Chanel earring I would kill for.

(I’ve been in love, satan, but not like this.)

Again, notice that Yoongi’s sunglasses are more Wayfarer Classic (doesn’t look as cool on my face, unfortunately. Boo.), while Tae’s is that intoxicating vintage, tinted, rounded ones. 

I’m just being basic and linking to Ray-Bans but they’re so clearly more sophisticated brands.

How perfect to intercut the horizontal group shot here (hit them where it hurts - with everything and all you’ve got.)

“Cool shade stunner” - got to hand it to the lyricists for stringing long the theme so smoothly (heheh). Here we’ve got the blatant juxtaposition of “cool” against the imagined warmth of butter, or the implied (if any) undercurrents of hot, swaggering criminals blazing their way into your hearts with violent undertones.

We all know ‘cool’ is an ironic contrast in itself, a way intrinsically defining (and inducing) a calm, collected demeanor which doubles as a slang for swag. 

“shade stunner” (guess what!) - the alliteration slips off the tongue like a charm. One of the reasons I’m in love with sunglasses is their fix-all, cure-all makeover magic for transforming the wearer into a cooler (ahem) person, arresting to eyes and a focus point for onlookers, and that’s exactly what it says on the tin here.

Tae gets two screenshots because he’s Tae.

Just going to speculate here that Taetae might have come up with this choreo reflecting the lyrics (looking to the heavens, thanking the ones above/’mother’ at the higher-up place of respect). 

Those veins. The long fingers you’d like to be wrapped around yours, and the pursed lips. This defined jawline.

Oh, please.

Of course, we love a grateful Mama’s boy (biased lens, narrow and restricted context as specified). 

“Yeah, I owe it [the swag] all to my mother.” 

World, meet Kim Seokjin.

Kim Seokjin does not need to meet the world. Clearly. Because he already owns it.

Where do you think you’re going, with one-eye closed and finger pointed directly at me? Where do you think you’re leaving to?

A pictorial representation of Taehyung’s double-edged cuteness: deathly adorable.

The wide-open lips, his palm spread out, hand in pocket.

“Hot like summer,” a phrase sung here as in direct aural reply to “mother,” (the ‘er’ sound echoing off the walls) but also a no-brainer inclusion to this song so advertised repeatedly as a summer banger.

(#BUTTERSOTY LET’S GO PEOPLE!)

Add to the fire, let the flames burn. Make ‘em hot. Keep the thirst traps and tabs open. Like they’ve never thirsted before.

Like this rolled tongue here? Criminal.

Just another day in the life of a talented visual.

And you know, way, way superior to a look that I’m only beginning to grasp in my mind as Arctic Monkeys-esque.

Aaand - scatter! Yoongi’s such a flying cat. Jimin’s halfway through a dance move. Hoseok’s side-profiling also perhaps a dance move (THOSE. WAISTS. I’m a girl and I’m blushing!). Jungkook’s half turned, wide-open shirt.

This is only 24 seconds in.

Who gave this man a lollipop? I repeat. Who put our tiny, fragile, self-loving lives in danger? WHO GAVE THIS MAN A LOLLIPOP?

STOP.

HOLD IT.

.... [deep breaths] oh god. That was a trip.

And I may not be physically sweating through my pores - but hell, I was sweating through the pores in my heart, my head, and my mind.

It’s hold-your-breath-and-don’t-notice-it-but-just-let-go split second vibe.

The Dior sunglasses just intensified this whole marvelous split second lollipop sucking debacle of Kim Taehyung.

aaand that’s it. I will not say a word more.

His jacket’s flapping tail! I cry!

Ok. Focus. Lyrics.

Last week the temperature in my home office shot up to a staggering 36.7 C degrees, and, if Bangtan’s comparing their hotness to a sweltering summer when sweat popped up on tanned skin, this unbearable hint of *ahem**cough*ahem* smexy (i went that way, I’m sorry) tension, this was exactly it.

Namjoon whispers this, I’ve learned.

It’s the phrase right before the pre-chorus (you’re here, finally, oh my god. Hahaha I hear you.), a typical (again) phrase signaling a deeper dive into the lyrics or taking a closer zoom into them boys (because, please) and what they’re saying (inviting, selling us on).

The boys’ exact same pose mirror this. Tae’s already had his palm spread open like this a few seconds ago, and here he’s doing it again in unison with the group.

Yoongi’s and Seokjin’s are at the same degree/height of hand raised.

Jungkook’s more soft, innocent “hey, I hear you.”

Hoseok’s the cautiously curious, “What’s goin’ on, folks?”

Jimin’s is straight up, “i’mma power-moving you today, bitches.”

Taehyung’s showing off his boxy smile teeth, and Joon’s all, “I’m here. hold up, hold it.”

Everyone’s talking about Seokjin. But it was a crime to ever have stopped.

Let’s talk mug shots.

One - side profile. Two - plunging neckline on a v-neck dark tee. Three - necklaces.

Babyyyy, why’d you shut your eyes like that??

He knows what the sleeveless top does. He knows.

One squinted eye, blown up blonde hair, a hand raising his blazer at the back. He knows.

TBC. seems like Tumblr’s hit a photo limit.

[zzpopzz]

Really long rant about how I made Vanilla Twilight, I typed it at 2am so it’s kinda crappy and boring, just skip through this post.

So I'd been thinking about it for a long time now, even before finishing Vanilla Twilight that I'd talk about it if someone asked, well that never happened so I was just thinking that I'd let it go but that post is so important to me so well fuck it I'll just talk about it anyway. I did it completely on a wimp like how cool would it be if I make a lyricstuck for Toumaki like I'd be the first (if anyone did this before me im sorry). The first song I intended to do wasn't VT, it was a much shorter and easier song. I saw the music video first time after a while and the lyrics gave me some scenes to draw right away, like the tones, the atmosphere, the lyrics all fit them very well, made me wanted to draw something happy but sad. The ending for it was a happy one instead of a sad one like other songs I did (I didn't post the ending for any of them, just let the viewers decide what it's gonna be) I was very scared like what if it won't turn out ok and people gonna hate me for it or no one even gonna look at it. Also what I visualized are mostly illustrations with backgrounds, what I never done before so high chance it won't go anywhere. I thought well let's just see how far will I get and won't talk about it at all until I post it so at least I won't be all barks no bite. I was very traumatized that someone might know about what I did so I locked all the files when I shut down my PC in case someone hack into it lmao. I started with making a storyboard(kinda) for it, this is where I first got trouble because there was some part I didn't think of when I visualized what I'd draw at first ( 'I don't feel so alone' part mostly and some in between) and it's only at this point that I realized how many I'd have to draw (over 40 images total) and it's mind blowing for someone who rarely finish a painting like me at that time, that number is more than what I'd draw in a year. VT doesn't have choruses that meant I can't do tricks like repeat some panels (I don't like this anyway). I usually painted on small canvas before that but I wanna make sure I can fix things later and some idea I had was pretty big so I used 3000x5000px canvas then trimmed them down ( I didn't know how big it was and it's huge). The idea was to make a tumblr scroll-post like a lyricstuck (my favorites are by paperseverywhere and toastyhat/emptyfeet , they made really cool tutorials about these) so I tried to drew out compositions that would look good scrolling down panel by panel and have some connections between them (this didn't turn out so good in the end because I wasn't good lol) Since I was scared that people might point out that I draw something wrong, it took me almost a week or something searching for references (check my pinterest board) like the streets, sky, houses, roads, outfits, poses,... I was going to draw. I got some knowledge about bikes by this too, like I can tell the differences between road bike, mtb, touring bikes,... I also see and captured bunches of screenshots and reread ywpd trivia countless time to make sure I won't get anything wrong. If you take notice, every outfit Toumaki wear in there are all canon, from anime or promos. The first few panels was really exciting because I had never painted so many with backgrounds before, I was really happy when I almost finished the first verse even compared to the full 3:50 of the song it was only 20 seconds and I thought maybe I can pull this after all. The last panel was intended to be Makichan standing infront of his house looking at the sky but I wanted to show the sky at the end of the panel and that wouldn't work on scroll-down post so I had to leave it for later, I repainted this panel for about 3 times and finished it just 30' before posting. The first panel of the second verse wasn't turning out alright too because that was my first time doing a 3 points perspective drawing and the colors didn't turn out as I wanted either (my intention was a green/gold dawn scene). Things kinda worked well despite that until the scene when Toudou sits in his ink, gdi I didn't know why I was so caught up in that and painted every piece of that wooden floor, it took me almost a week but turned out better than I expected so I was ok with it. I was going to make sketchy paintings for all of the panel but I did too much details on that one so it gave me the impression that I'll have to do just as much for every others. Now I still had school to go and that semester my uni got me pretty crappy schedule that made me have to wait for classes at school frequently, I was frustrated because I didn't get to paint during that time and I might finish it too late (even though I didn't set a deadline) and when I got home I just spent so much time checking twitter and just can't pick myself up to draw and ended up feeling shitty about it. *Side story*  I was so mad because I didn't get anything done and there's still more than half of the whole thing to do and the worst part is that I had no one that I can talk to because I didn't have any friend who ship Toumaki and I also don't want to publicly talk about what I was doing, I wanted to surprise people when I'm done, I didn't wanna give people the expectation then screw it up (I literally thought I'd drop a bomb not a grenade lmao) I can't remember how long was that shitty phase but I felt like it was so long, I barely finished verse 2 at that point. I was so mad at myself and my progress so I spent a few days to look at time management threads and this helped a lot, I changed my habits completely  by this and I still apply those methods now, like I used to stay up til 3am to read fics (bless you writers you fueled me with your writings bless you all) then I switch to bed before 12 and get up early for a good start or reduce working time while increasing quality* After that I kinda got things together,I just went ahead with painting tho it's still kinda tiring, I had to work on 5 essays during this time too. At this point I was like screw all, I give no shit about what everyone thinks I'm just gonna finish this and get some good nap (I practiced power nap to get more focus time for painting but dude everyone wants a good long nap) 10 days before uploading I found out that there's a Toumaki day (I'm so sorry), I was going to posted on the first sunday of June (I did researched on which was the best time to post on social medias so I randomly picked a sunday) and Toumaki day is the last sunday of May, that meant I had 10 days left and 15 panels to paint! I was going to ignore that but I already made it big I should make it right too so I shit my pants going through those last panels. I purposely hiding Toudou's face till the last verse to emphasize the feelz and got so relieved that I finally got to paint him (I read some tags that some viewers got emotional at this part so I'm so glad it worked). The whole things was put under Makichan's perspective so I was so sick of painting him at that point, he showed up in every panel and I can't paint him ugly because he's beautiful (especially his hair, I spent shitload of time painting them). I can talk lots about why I picked to do so but that's headcanon shit and it's embarrassing so let's just skip that. The last day I had only 3 panels left and I was hell confident that I've got this and somehow spent the whole evening rewatch Toumaki pingpong ep (end me). Of course that didn't end well, I managed to finish those by midnight but I still had like 3 panels that needed  repaint completely and all 43 needed retouch and edits. My plan was to post at 9am sunday (thats 9pm saturday est) so I had to get up at 5am and finish all that, I ended up cutting down 2 panels and simplified the instrumental panel (some tags said that was nice so I was at least relieved). Unlike other songs I did, the length of every line's quite different and the original sizes I did would make viewers have to scroll slower or faster at different parts. I didn't plan this beforehand and had to trim down some panels even the parts that I really liked and spent lots of time on. I also found out that people outside the homestuck fandom might not familiar with this type of post so I made a video too (I’m sorry I have zero skill in editing). After posting I was terrified of people's reactions or worse, there won't be any reaction so I turned everything off and went to sleep and woke up with an unimaginable number of notes I'd got, I set the target of 500 notes and I really didn't think that I'd get past that number like maybe 2-300 (well my other songs didnt even get 200), at the end I got 5000. I spent the next week reading and screencap tags given in reblogs, I put them on desktop and they're still my motivation til now. Vanilla Twilight is the thing I'm proud of the most even until now, when I've done other songs and projects that look somewhat better. If I have to recommend one thing on my blog I'd recommend it despite its' unskilled paneling, poor composition and muddy colors. It was the first time in my life that I'd put so much effort into something and went through such emotional roller coaster, the feelings I put into it was raw and the idea was very original compared to other songs, I improved and changed a lot during the 2 months I spent on it and never once regret doing it. ***Anyway, you sure have much free time to read it this far, here's a little game for you: I put random things in VT and HF like some characters/stuff from other series, my ocs,... (there wasn't anything purposeless in there even the logo on their cups or the bags they wear) just send me anything you find and I'll draw you something in return**