#all in all were really in it deep and a bit rough. it couldve been easier but i understand the need for the strike

[transgaysex]

i was super gonna say something when i opened this app but i lost it. wuh

[skeetlehand]

ghost!tommy au masterpost #2

ghost tommy au masterpost part one

I made another one. w hhh

au summary: tommy loses his final canon life during the explosion right after the pogtopia vs. manberg war

Nobody really knew where he’d gone either - Tommy had allegedly gone “missing” after the festival. In L’manberg, everyone figured that while it was odd, since tommy would usually be running down the Prime path shouting, or just being generally loud and annoying... he was just... missing. Nobody had seen him all week, but everyone had thought they were the singular individual who hadn’t seen him lately. Eventually when one of them asked where he’d been, everyone came to the consensus that they weren’t the only ones who hadn’t seen him. At first, they thought he was just grieving, since he spent the most time with wilbur. But then ghostbur shows up, which, while was a pretty sad/happy moment, it raised some sort of unease.... 

.... and then, ghost tommy shows up.

I put more details under the cut!!! enjoy pain yall

feel free to send asks about... well, anything! if you found something interesting here, share it! if you’ve got a completely unrelated idea, share it! i like to read your asks. I promise i’ll answer... eventually... (the five asks in my inbox @ me: 👀)

courtesy of @gheysnakelady and their great ideas 👀❤️(you have so many good ones!!!)

current table of contents:

ghost tommy’s appearance

relationships with the rest of the sbi

ghost tommy’s memories

other ghost tommy stuff (misc i guess)

a) presence 

b) connections 

c) blue/yellow 

d) body found

”””pranks”””

dreamon hunters...? (become basically bootleg ghostbusters. but just only one of them.)

TBC: to be touched upon in the next masterpost/page set

relationships with the rest of the smp

a) SAM SAM SAM BIG BROTHER SAM AAA; b) the cabinet + lmanberg... hhh tubbo n big q,,, fundy and niki,,, dream,, the badlands... i need ideAS

reactions to the reveal (at some point... big oof)

.... a revival? phil no -

1. Ghost!Tommy’s Appearance

(should... should I be calling him ghostinnit now? yall use that term a whole lot...)

before he meets anyone (excluding ghostbur and maybe philza. some others might’ve seen him lingering around certain places, faintly), he looked simultaneously exactly as he did before he died, overlaid by his prior deaths (an sword/axe(?) to the back when trying to escape dream during eret’s betrayal, an arrow wound that goes in deep, and currently, visible blast marks and the wither effect). He hadn’t figured out what he looked like yet, other than the noticeable vision problems, but when he did, he did his best to change his form (it’s my current theory that ghosts look like what they want to look like - ie. ghostbur’s nice yellow sweater being a choice on his end). It’s an effort, to look “okay”, and when he goes off the rails, there are hints to what he looks like. 

it’s mostly because... Tommy remembers his death vicariously.  All of them. This is not a good thing.

when he does meet people, his form is slightly transparent, but he looks almost normal. there’s that new hairstyle, which really isn’t a stylistic choice on my end ;’] ... there is a lot of sooty(?) grey patches on his sleeves, and a large black mark smack dab in the middle his shirt. The wither markings on his hands aren’t clear, but that they are there is visible. He hates the wither effects the most - no matter what he does, how hard he concentrates, they. don’t. go. away.

He’s got hair over his eye, like wilbur. Gets uncomfortable when it’s joked about, because that’s a part of his face that’s.... yknow.... and he can’t hide it otherwise

Since ghost!tommy is more emotionally gripped than ghostbur is, unable to let go of the past and all the memories + emotions from it (while ghostbur lets go of it Very Easily), his form shifts a lot. Not only to his “death form” (all of his canon deaths on one ‘current’ form), but to that of the different arcs - dirty long sleeves for pogtopia (it’s cold in the ravines, and he don’t got a coat), ripped revolutionary outfit (eret’s betrayal and the arrow both happened here)... and during his more mellower moments, a green bandana that goes around the neck. He’s constantly changing in clarity, too. It’s hard to focus on him at times.

2. Relationships with the SBI found family gang: pain

did you really think we could have nice things in this au? if so... ouch

Phil

tommy did see him sort of as a dad/some sort of older figure to come to for help. but phil has a history of not exactly being a Dad. sure, he basically adopted techno, and wilbur definitely saw him as a dad, but for tommy, it’s an unspoken relationship that they should be like that, that phil should have his back, that tommy can ask phil for help. yet, they don’t. Phil showed up way too late in the game to make an effort on all of the impacts the wars and pogtopia and wilbur have created, and maybe tommy resents him a little, for leaving him and his brothers alone on the server. maybe tommy saw wilbur die by philza’s hands, moments before he did the same point is, tommy was never a “difficult child” persay, he made all of his complaints loud and clear. philza didn’t expect to do any “underneath the underneath” with him... and didn’t feel like tommy needed the attention all that much, since he could basically occupy himself. 

Think of it like this, at least in my au, that phil was never meant to be a dad. He just chose to be some sort of strong figure in the boys’ lives (found family!!!!) - but he was a survivor first and foremost, and sometimes it shows. His habits rubbed off on his boys, and that shows too - him avoiding talking about Big Things with ghost tommy is reminiscent of how ghostbur dances around questions, and being pressured into doing things is reminiscent of techno.

Tommy, on the other hand, felt as if phil always favored techno, and if not techno, then wilbur, over him. it’s okay though! he doesn’t need phil, he’s a Big Man™! Look at him... dealing with... a war... exile... funky brother problems... more war... okay maybe if phil showed up sooner things would’ve been better but he didn’t so tommy had to be the bigger man! that’s... that’s okay...? hmm. okay maybe he’s mad at phil a little bit,,,,

techno

ahh, complicated relationships *rubs hands*. 

tommy was proud of his brother, at first, the way only little brothers can be, bragging about their cooler bigger bro - that, and tommy lowkey thought there’d be someone to help him with wilbur’s decline. haha NOPE. techno don’t do emotional. thanks,,,,,

on the other hand, all ghost tommy can remember is techno being the unspoken favorite, the favorite child, the favorite brother, teasing and feelings of inadequacy (techno wasn’t a bad brother, though... just... better). And then…he remembers techno showing up well into wilbur’s long decline, techno’s silence when he could’ve used someone to speak up for him, techno’s passiveness towards the paranoia, techno’s stoicism when all tommy wanted was someone to be strong, someone else to be the better man. instead, the job was left to him. why was it always left to him? he wasn’t supposed to do all of this, right?

Techno doesn’t feel all too bad about it, before tommy’s death is discovered. He thinks that the impact of the statement was made through humiliation and violence enough (tommy being pinned down, the hero speech, the ruined victory, etc). What did tommy expect, using the Blade like that? honestly, techno’s a little offended, that tommy thought he could use his brother that easily, like some weapon made of more skill than any of them know what to do with. Techno had made his opinions very clear on government, and then they go on to appoint another one? (even though, it was sort of clear that the goal was to “go back” to the old lmanberg, government and all) so tommy kinda had it coming. besides, he’d respawn and they’d go back to normal.

but then wilbur dies, permanently, and techno has to watch his brother come undone into something else barely reminiscent of what he was momnents ago... ghostbur barely even resembles the wilbur techno used to remember. death matters, on this server, which is two blows in themselves that techno will have to deal with. and then... tommy doesn’t respawn.

techno was sure he’d seen tommy around lmanberg. albeit, like, kinda quiet, but maybe the kid was going through rough times since wilbur died. it wasn’t like techno was going to talk to him about it or anything, since his presence probably wouldn’t be welcomed anyway. tommy was kind of immature, in that regard - he’d be really annoying and yell, like he always did when something didn’t go his way. that, and he wasn’t exactly welcome in lmanberg anymore...

besides, if tommy had a problem, he’d make it clear himself, right?

wilbur/ghostbur

There’s a lot tommy isn’t willing to talk, about wilbur. What could he even say? more than half of the things he did, challenges he stepped up to, were to make Wilbur proud (as he remembered him). He hated losing, because he liked winning more, sure, but also because he wanted to make wilbur proud of him. See: the bow duel, giving up his disc for freedom.

but pogtopia wilbur, well... things only got worse. sometimes, things looked a little better, but over time, tommy learned to expect what came after. even with techno there, tommy was always left to be the “bigger man” - in the aftermath of the festival, the pit, the final pet war - no matter how much he lost, it was always him having to move forward from that point. nobody really helped. it was just tommy and wilbur, and the sound of silence in the ravine.

tommy saw the final explosion of lmanberg as both the ultimate betrayal (the worst thing wilbur could’ve done, couldn’t he have waited, phil was here, surely phil couldve done what tommy spent months trying to do, what techno wouldn’t do, why couldn’t wilbur have this?) but at the same time, he... figured wilbur would pull sometime like this. at this point, the victory might’ve lightened his spirits a whole lot, but he spent months with wilbur alone and in the course of the preparatory week, wilbur didn’t miraculously get better. tommy wishes he did, and he can wish all he wants, but deep down, he knows that he didn’t. the others might’ve not noticed, since they weren’t there for that long.

as for ghostbur, it’s... awkward. 

With ghostbur, he’s stuck between wanting to reach out to his big brother and stay away due to alivebur’s memory living in constant loop in his head. Sad as it is to say, he was sort of… relieved, when ghostbur revealed the extent of his memory loss. after that point..  if ghostbur remembers all the happy bits of their time on the server, surely he could help fill in the gaps? 

Ghostbur was kind of the first person he saw when he resurfaced, and ghostbur then couldn’t really understand the gravity of the situation, nor who tommy was because of how he acted and looked before. tommy didn’t approach him either, mostly out of fear and anticipation. (he couldn’t imagine this of all things, being stuck with wilbur for all of his undying days, hadn’t he had enough?) 

At first, it’s awkward. He doesn’t know what to say, or when to say things, and he’s a lot quieter than in life, so it’s noticeable. He meets Ghostbur, who greets him with joy, until he realizes that Tommy is dead. Memories of the manberg v pogtopia war arise, and he flees. He does not come back, because looking at Tommy hurts. tommy doesn’t get it, really... but.....

and every moment after that, the way ghostbur looks at him, with the guilt in his eyes, the way that he looks away, unable to bear looking anymore… well, tommy is starting to think ghostbur remembers a lot more than what he’s willing to let on (he’s afraid he is). If wilbur doesn’t like him, that’s not… that’s nothing new, anyway. it’s probably one of the few things that didn’t change.

3. Ghost Tommy’s Memories

Going by the HC that they’re caused by how you feel when you die. ie. Wilbur dies happy because he is relieved by Phil stabbing him. That he can rest, while Tommy gets the opposite. Wanting to live but having it so cruelly taken by a loved one that you trusted, only feeling pain and betrayal and the feelings when they had while dying is the reason why they only hold certain memories.

Basically: like Wilbur, only remembers memories associated with a type of feeling. However, unlike Wilbur, Tommy only remembers the bad things.

Ghostbur suggested to phil, who in turn, suggested to tommy that he recorded his memories in a book, like he did! thus, tommy’s “What I remember” book: which is full of stuff he just wants to remember

Dream Good Times (this is just a lie, haha... but refers to the time (read: blank space) before the first disk war)

jokes! (when you make fun of someone, even in good jest, it’s possible they won’t take it that way themselves.)

My home (because it’s been griefed and destroyed so many times at this point)

The disks (not what they sound like though, just that they were apparently important, that he fought for them. he can’t remember what they sound like)

My pets (pet wars. can’t remember whose pet was whose. he remembers mars, though. he talked to mars a lot, on days that pogtopia was quiet... empty...)

the duel

Winning the war (trading the disks for freedom)

L’manberg (manberg)

… Tubbo (? ...dying at the festival.)

Techno & Wilbur  (and phil, and what they did to him, and what they didn’t do.)

pogtopia hanging out with friends (there was nothing good about pogtopia, so he crossed it off and wrote the most blandest happy thing he could replace it with. he wishes pogtopia was just that)

the pit

winning the war (the victory, the explosion his death. if you ask why he wrote it twice, he just.. hesitates. “we won, right?” you might nod along, assuming his memory was just being faulty, that all he could remember were the two victories, that like wilbur, nothing beyond the election/exile registered... but you could also note that neither of those “victories” really felt like winning, in the end. consider the cost...)

i have a secret second list for his “actual memories”. i call it “the list of grievances”. i am so clever haha

4. other ghost tommy stuff

since ghostbur had to go and add some stuff to ghost Lore™, i guess ghost tommy now melts in the rain and snow. not that he really... cares...

other things! these are ideas, idk...

1. presence

maybe whenever he gets near someone, the temperature drops and people feel overwhelmingly negative emotions (ie. sadness, pain, anger, guilt, etc). the intensity of the sadness effect depends on the person or if the person is near - the more that person had done, the more they felt.

Wilbur just feels like melancholy. nobody really notices, since it’s .... well.

2. connections to things?

maybe he’ll be found at certain locations, like his house/jukebox, the election podium, pogtopia, etc, etc... just, ghosting...

4. maybe he’s not actually dead

3. have some blue .... or yellow

either:

a) ghostbur gives tommy some blue to hand out, trying to be nicer to him anyway, like “give people this, it makes people happier if you give them something to drain the sadness”!! but when tommy tries to hand it out, it’s already fully blue. If asked if it was supposed to be transparent, or why it’s already blue, or etc, he responds with “no it's always been blue for me!” because when he’s given it, it turns blue instantly. maybe he seems little sad it doesn’t work on him, but it must be because he’s a ghost, right?

or

b) maybe he makes yellow that gives people happiness (it turns transparent as it’s used), but when he holds it it stays yellow.... because really all it does is draw up previous feelings of contentment, but... can't feel happy if you've never felt it before :’]

4. his body discovery

his body can be found where it was last... left. since he didn’t respawn.

They find him while cleaning up the rest of the rubble. and it's evident how he died, because there are wither marks, explosion burns, and... a final injury that must’ve been the killing blow, since there’s no way he would’ve survived that. it's evident he suffered, but not from the killing blow. his face has that... expression. he looks as miserable as his ghost does, at times (contrary to wilbur's exact opposite). maybe techno is there. they're not sure if tommy just got caught in the crossfire. they think he did, because he was buried under all of this. who would have ... intentionally done this to him...? while he was trapped?

maybe techno approaches to see what everyone looks so wicked out by. and he sees his brother or more like, what was left of his brother. oof.

5. Pranks: completely out of chronological order i guess... BUT I WANTED TO INCLUDE IT AAA

tommy isn’t... peaceful. he’s not at peace. he’s surrounded by the people who he can remember taunting him, hurting him, betraying him, all he can remember feeling is anger, grief and resentment - how long do you think he’ll play nice for? even though he wants things to go back to normal, either he feels like he’s much too dead for anything to ever be the same, and/or everyone ... moved on pretty quick, huh.

tommy begins to prank the server, like he used to. but there’s a pattern to it, and it quickly devolves from seemingly light-hearted to borderline malicious and definitely inconveniencing/annoying.

ghost tommy filling dream's current base/go-to-residency (since this man canonically homeless) with clay... and then, later, other blocks, like tnt, obsidian... 

he sets up multiple jukeboxes when dream goes to sleep and have them all play cat/melohi at different intervals at once, kind of like. "you wanted this so bad, now eat it”.

misplace sapnap's current pets (if he has any). fill sapnap's house with horses, cows all named "h" names, and eventually turn it into an elaborate aquarium filled with tropical fish.

George’s house gets scrambled: like the blocks all get swapped and stuff, or replaced with lime wool/clay. maybe fill his house with alarm clocks or something? idk

He's hesitant about techno... so one of his earlier steps is: collaborate with sam with the horse maze (who sees it as a bonding activity! fun for the whole family!), but in the books, on the last page of all the books, he writes notes like "you know what you did" and stuff idk, i gotta come up with 8 of those. at the end, skeppy brings back the books and the hornse and techno's like haha i didn't write those books! and skeppy says, that makes sense! why would your write this... (he assumes the first few are threats, but then they reference techno in diff ways, so he gets confused), and then techno's like: wait what

maybe he probably releases all the horses n cows and other things techno’s got. or relocates them (cause he still cares about animals, he doesn't want to hurt them... he's not sapnap after all)

at first it's funny, normal. then it's annoying. and then it becomes worrying. it elevates in destructive tendencies, and also escalates in amount so people start going "tommy this is so annoying"-> exactly the reaction he wants, so he continues -> "this isn't funny anymore, tommy!" well, it never was supposed to be :)

....and they realize suddenly that none of it was meant to be a "prank" or a joke, tommy genuinely was trying to make their lives as hard as they did him.

ALSO EDIT: i bring you: dreamon hunters! part two! tubbo n fundy fight over what to do with ghost tommy, as tubbo doesn't think there's anything wrong with tommy (it’s his best friend, of course nothing’s wrong!), while fundy thinks he's a malicious poltergeist (with all the pranks.... that’s... that’s not tommy. tommy isn’t that spiteful... is he? )

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

[essu-rwby-desu]

                                          Episode 2: Uncovered  

                               -SUPER LONG POST. SPOILERS-

*There may be typos, incorrect spelling, and bad grammar due to me trying to rush this and episode 3. Bare with me plz. The amount of gifs made for this was overkill and will lighten them up in the next post. Also, I will be referring to these posts as commentary since that’s what they mostly are and not reviews/reactions. Without further ado:

-Fade in from black-

~Ah Haaa ahhh ahhh Ahhh Ahhhhhhh~

So Cinder’s still alive. Not surprised tbh because of the intro.

Wait. So you’re telling me. That the vault to one of the Relics, a vault that has a gate to another dimension, is now wide open to walk in now? Oz, how about a little bit of house keeping?  Oh I don’t know, maybe have some thicker walls or something???

Welp. That’s a shame. Another one bites the Dust. Poor lady didn't deserve that fate.

“We need to take the Relic to Atlas?”

I said it before, poor child had barely escaped now they have to go back.

Blake ready to throw Weiss under the bus LOL. I felt some snark coming from her haha.

“Ex-Heiress, actually.” That volume one throw back.

YANG IS ON BOARD THE “THROW THE WEISS UNDER THE BUS” TRAIN. Poor Weiss LOL. 

Just look at her.  ��\_(~‿^)_/¯

The Lantern can answer any questions? Any 3 questions? So it’s like. Knowledge is power kind of thing? I guess you could say that. The Lantern’s magic is quite. Enlightening.

JESUS FUCk, NORA PLEASE.

OH MY GOD, NORA PLEASE. Your Yandere is showing.

Nora has the best characterization. So full of energy. So full of Mood.

Yang in there, Yang.

Oscar, the MVP, is on board the “Throwing People Under the Bus” Train, now featuring Ozpin.

“Do you really think Leo was the first? That he didn’t say those exact same words to me? I’m sorry, but you have to understand my behavior is backed by experience.”

I have to say Oz has it rough. Having lived multiple times only to have close allies betray him, multiple times he implies. I don’t blame him for walling himself off from others. But at the same time, his approach could be. Better? I’m not saying he should entirely trust Team RWBY, but he should really tell them all the important details of, well, everything, if he’s to lead them to stopping Salem in whatever the fuck she plans to do with the Relics.

Also shout out to Aaron Dismuke for such great voice acting on this part for Oscar/Ozpin. The way he said “Do you really think Leo was the first?” shook me.

What’s really strange about this part is that Ozpin forgot about the Relic. Like it’s very important to keep an eye on this thing right? I found it surprising that he didn’t realize he no longer had it on him for such a long time. Sure, he might have been distracted, but I feel like his priorities were kind of “Relic first” ya know?

Wtf, he’s still hiding more shit??? Oscar what are you doing.

“Her name is Jinn”? 

WHO IS “HER”? AND “JINN” LIKE A DJINN? LIKE. A GENIE?

If there was ever a time for a more mature/vulgar dialogue for Team RWBY, 

It would be, RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

 BECAUSE:

ITS. FUCKING. GENIE.

TEN THOUSSANNNNNNNDDDDD YEARRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSS CAN LEAVE SUCHA CRICK IN THE NECK. RUBY ROSE, YOU AINT NEVER HAD A FRIEND LIKE ME.

(I think this is just me but her eyes make me feel uncomfortable. I think its the lashes..??? They look SUPER huge???)

ME TOO RUBY. ME TOO.

Qrow, you don’t have to pretend to be so modest. 

So where did Cinder end up exactly? She’s still somewhere in Mistral but this looks like a very Black Market-y kind of place. Also Idk why but she looks good in those clothe- I just remembered she killed someone for them. Hm.

?????SPIDERMAN????

“Looks like your life’s savings.” “It was somebodies.”

I have to admit, that was a good line. Cute indeed.

“Little Miss Malachite”. I’ll be honest I totally forgot about the Little Miss Muffet rhyme. BUT MALACHITE. I can only think of 2 other specific twins with that last name in this show! But it might just be a coincidence... 

So. Okay. What I don’t understand is why is Cinder looking for RWBYJNR. She knows Raven is the Spring Maiden, but she doesn’t know that Raven gave Yang the Relic. Cinder was tossed off the edge before Yang even got down there. If anything Cinder should be looking for Raven since she might be the one with the Relic.

Hm but I guess if Raven betrayed Cinder, then Cinder could assume Raven was working with the opposing party. Hmm...

I get she got her ass whooped by Raven and is a bit jumpy, but Cinder, you’re basically an Avatar. You could wipe the floor with anyone in that building. It was implied that her powers got weakened after she crawled out of the water, but by how much? And was that even the Maiden’s power or her own semblance?

Information trade is a business. SO SOMEONE MIGHT BE LOOKING FOR CINDER.

So the first I want to bring up (with the ordering not being important) are the Malachite twins, Melanie & Miltiades Malachite. I bring this up first cuz I feel like this is the unlikely people or group looking for Cinder. Despite, again, both Little Miss and the Twins share a “last name”, I doubt they’re linked in any way. I mean one is here in Mistral while the other in Vale. The only connection the Twins would have with Cinder is Roman. And of course we see Roman’s hat fly by Cinder in the OP.

SO SECOND, which I believe is on most people’s mind is NEO. The next closest, and probably the closest person connected to Roman is probably the one looking for Cinder, since she, too, has worked for Cinder. And we don’t know if Neo actually knows what happened to Roman since she flew off the airship. And the only 2 people that might know would be Ruby Rose or Cinder Fall. And perhaps Neo has been trying to track down Ruby all the way to Mistral. But now that Ruby and the gang are leaving the continent, but Cinder is still in town, it might be easier to go after Cinder instead.

Just bring back my Neopolitan.

OKAY SO. JINN. GOD OF LIGHT. 3 QUESTIONS. But luckily, there’s 2 left. 

So, one, what the fuck Oz? Why you lying? WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE QUESTIONS ALREADY BEING USED UP???

Two: WHAT WAS THE FIRST QUESTION??? 

Three: GOD OF LIGHT??? Is this God one of the Brothers Grimm???

Again, I feel bad for Oz, but at the same time I still think he should’ve said more about, again, everything, to prevent

This. I understand keeping some deep dark secrets to yourself, but if the world is at jeopardy, then mayyybeee some of those secrets should be brought into light??? I mean look, Yang Weiss and Blake are already, and literally, up in arms. If Oz had shared more, then this situation couldve been avoided, or at the very least, diffused.

Also, Team ‘Protect Ruby Rose at ALL COSTS”

If I were Qrow, and I too, were kept in the dark, I would want to know more about everything as well. And I’m sure he trusts his niece to do the right thing.

That was quite a visceral scream.

Oz, what were you even planning to do to Ruby? Like???

Also looks like Ruby took the Red Pill cuz welcome to the fucking Matrix.

-Shameless self made gif insert- but then again arent all these gif self made?

SALEM. 

DID OZ LOCK HER UP IN THE TOWER? WHO IS SALEM REALLY?? MAY YOU SUMMON ME A CHEEZBORGER??? 

THESE ARE MY 3 QUESTIONS, JINN. PLEASE. IM HUNGRY.

Aside from answering virtually any question and granting people an AR replay, can Jinn do any other sort of magical things? Cuz if she can conjur up some food.  👌 👌 👌

[scaryscarecrows]

Roots and Leaves, Pt. 6

DC did it first. Take your grievances to them.

Jason and Sheila e-mail back and forth for about a week before she says that she has Thursday off so if he has Thursday off does he want to meet for lunch again?

Last time wasn’t bad. Not a lot of staring or people or anything. He can…he can probably do it again. And it’s a few days away still, so he has time to psyche himself up or, worst case scenario, fake his death and move to Canada.

And it’s been a week and she hasn’t pulled out the Pity Card on him yet and maybe…maybe this’ll all work out okay. She might never be Mom, because Catherine’s always gonna be Mom, but…but she could be Mother, maybe. He can see that in the distant (or not-so-distant?) future.

But he’s not going to rush into things, that’s what got him here in the first place. Patience, grasshopper.

Thursday rolls around and he hasn’t faked his death and moved to Canada, so he has no choice but to put on jeans and a hoodie and resign himself to a couple of hours, easy, of no sunglasses and no e-book shield.

Sorry, any small children who might come out of this traumatized.

Okay. He brings his Kindle anyway, and his sunglasses for the journey, and sticks to his normal Civilian Weaponry-couple’a knives, one pair of brass knuckles tucked into a hidden pocket in his hoodie. Last thing he needs is for someone to pick up a bullet, match it to the Red Hood’s, and come knocking on his door. His luck is bad enough that’s exactly what would happen.

Besides, it’s noon on a Thursday, and even in Gotham that’s a slow hour. Bank robbers gotta eat, too.

The monorail ride there is literal Hell (three fighting couples, two crying kids and old man with no personal spaaaaace!) and he’s literally gasping for air when he stumbles out of the car. He likes people. Honest. If he legitimately hated them all, he wouldn’t risk his life to help them. But interacting with them…he could do without that, mostly.

Whatever. Whatever. It’s over, he lived, he’s had worse.

(And no, he doesn’t hear faint cackling in his head, and that’s final.)

It’s windy today, the type of wind that buffets people every which way and is determined to keep his hood off his head. He fidgets with the drawstrings until it’ll stay and buries his hands in his pockets. Wind sucks. He can feel pollen and dust and Gotham Grime being blown onto his skin.

“Jason!”

Is he there already?

Sheila…looks a lot more haggard than she did before. He tries to remember if she’d mentioned being horribly busy, doesn’t think she did, and figures that to be fair, he hasn’t mentioned the bruise that goes halfway up his back.

She smiles, her awkward driver’s license smile, and waves. Yeah, she doesn’t…it must’ve been a long week, or maybe a rough drive or something. She looks tired.

“Hi.” He’s not sure what to call her, still. Miss Haywood is too disconnected, Sheila’s too personal, and it’s way, way too soon for Mother. Names are a pain. “I’m not late, am I?” He knows he’s not. “Monorail was packed.”

“So was the subway. Can I…?”

Her arms are half-out and he figures she’s asking for a hug. He can do a hug, as long as it’s a short hug.

“Yeah. Thanks for the warning.”

Holy crap, she feels frail. But to be fair, barring Dick’s tackle-hug, everyone’s felt frail since…since. So it could just be him. Hugs are weird now.

(“HUG YOUR DADDY!”)

No. Not today. Everything’s fine.

It’s a sort-of short hug, short enough, anyway, and he wonders, abstractedly, if a day will ever come that he’s used to that sort of thing again. If it even matters whether he does or doesn’t.

It does. Of course it does. And the day will come, in time, and he’ll be better, be normal, be what people want him to be.

Little steps.

* * *

They’ve fallen into a companionable silence and for once Jason’s not jumping whenever someone walks by in a purple sweater or anything when Sheila forces her lips out from between her teeth and says, “I know you were Robin.”

Well. That’s, uh, there’s that out of the way.

“Yeah.” There’s clearly no point in denying it. She probably put it together when Batman came knocking. “For a little while, yeah. I was.” He tastes blood, wonders how long he’s been doing that, and wishes he had gum. Or a mint. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right off, I just…old habits die hard, I guess.”

“Oh God, no, no, I didn’t mean-” She takes a drink. Her hands are shaking, she’s shaking and he doesn’t know what’s wrong. “I just. I thought I should probably make it clear that I did know, so you wouldn’t…I know I was absent, but I don’t want…you shouldn’t feel like you have to hide things from me.”

Oh. That’s. He doesn’t know what to say. Bruce, God knows, has the emotional capabilities of a Himalayan Salt Lamp. Thankfully Jason hadn’t been the type to go through crushes every two weeks, or he probably would have been in Hell. He certainly wouldn’t have…it’s not like he would have shut down the conversation, but sharing and caring? That would have been awkward and best not repeated. Alfred was the go-to for that sorta thing.

All right, then. Since they’re dropping sudden bombshells ‘n all…he has to know.

“You worked for Joker.” There. It’s out. He said it.

And now he kinda regrets it-the self-loathing on her face is a pretty good match for his own, and he can’t tell himself it’s anything less than deep, deep wishing to have made better choices.

“I did.” She straightens up, begins tearing apart a piece of bread on her plate. “Briefly. I’m not proud, but he had a line to my mother, knew where she lived, knew her schedule…knew.” She swallows hard. “Knew she had to rubber-band her jam jars because she couldn’t open them otherwise. I panicked. But it was only for a couple of months-pills, he wanted pills, as much as I could get him. And then he just…went away. I don’t know what he did with them.”

Honestly, after everything, he can’t…he doesn’t have the right to say much. And honestly? There was that one guy, who accidentally cut the fucker off in traffic and couldn’t get away from him.

And look at him. The first man he killed, that wasn’t…oh, sure, he probably had it coming, at least a little, but Jason wasn’t thinking about that or considering it like he does now, he just…he wanted to kill Bruce. Because that was right and reason at the time even though he knows it’s insanity now.

No, he can’t say much.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly, and it’s suddenly easier to look at his hands. “I didn’t…that sounds awful.”

“No.” She tips his chin up and it’s an effort not to pull away and to remember that it’s fingers, warm human fingers, and not the pointy end of a crowbar against his skin. “You deserved to know. It’s only fair.”

Truth be told, it’s a relief to know that she hadn’t…yeah, technically she could’ve…maybe done something different, but she hadn’t wanted to work for him. She wasn’t like the ones he’d christened Dumb and Dumber that…they enjoyed that kinda work.

Lunch is finished in relative silence after that, though, and he’s wondering what’s going to happen now when she rifles through her purse and swears.

“Damn…I meant to grab an old photo album I wanted to show you, with some old family pictures and things.”

Pictures of Willis? Yeah, he’s good. Pictures of other people might be interesting, though.

“Next time?”

“My apartment’s a few blocks over.”

Something feels off. He’s paranoid, he knows he’s paranoid, but something…she’s been shaky and weird all afternoon and he doesn’t…

Calm the fuck down, you freak out when someone window-shops for too long!

“Is everything…is everything okay?”

Or maybe something is wrong-she pulls a napkin over and there’s suddenly a pen in her hand.

“I really do want you to see these pictures, Jason,” she says, but her hand is moving and there’s the ever-so-faint skrit-skrit of pen on paper. “I swear you got my mother’s eyes.”

The napkin slides over to him and he glances down. Her handwriting’s spikey and awful-doctor writing to the bone-but his is no better and he can read it well enough.

An old colleague has been hanging around the hospital lately.

Oh.

That explains a bit.

“Sure.”

Her shoulders drop and she crumples the napkin, nails picking it into shreds.

“I’m sorry to do this to you,” she says softly, nearly too soft for him to hear, and he’s quick to shake his head.

“No, no, I don’t mind, I’m glad you…if there’s anything I can do to…”

Shit, she looks like she’s going to start crying and that is indeed PANIC in his throat. Tears are not good.

“You’re a good boy.” Her voice is watery but there are no tears to be seen. Thank Jesus. “I promise next time we have lunch it’ll be normal.”

Oh, good, things haven’t plummeted down to fiery Hell because of all the revelations flying around.

“Everything’s gonna be fine,” he says, and whoops that’s his ‘all will be well, citizen, never fear!’ voice. But it must work, because the about-to-cry look disappears. “Um. Do you wanna…it looks like it’s gonna rain, should we get going?”

And so they do.

* * *

The wind has picked up and it smells like rain. He’s not looking forward to patrol later.

The wind’s not so bad, though, to stop Sheila from lighting up with a self-depreciating, “I know I’m a doctor and should know better, but I honestly don’t care.”

“I can’t really say anything.” He holds up his own pack and rattles it before pulling one out. It’s not as calming as it usually is and he doesn’t know why.

Eh. It’s been a long day, that’s all. He’s not used to interacting with people on a personal level anymore, which is his own fault and probably not necessarily a good thing.

The first few drops have started to fall when they arrive at her building-big, square, and simplistic. She fishes out her keys while they’re in the elevator (which smells like new car, for some reason).

The hallway is deserted. It’s a little creepy, to be honest-his own building might be crap, but there’s always activity. And then, of course, there was Arkham’s hallways, or what he could hear of them. Noisy. Always noisy. But this? Wayne Manor was silent like this. It unsettled him then and it unsettles him now. Call him a city boy, whatever, but he needs noise.

The brass knuckles and knives in his jacket are warm and comforting and he knows he’s not gonna need ‘em, but they make up for this creepy-ass silence.

Sheila opens the door and motions him inside. It’s dark inside-blackout curtains, probably-but he can hear the rain. It smells like new car in here, too, and he wonders, off-handedly, why-

-it’s not empty. He’s walked into one too many ‘empty’ buildings to be very, very attuned to the sound of somebody breathing. Okay. Be calm, back out and shut the door.

He’s about to do exactly that when the light switch clicks and bathes the whole place in stark white. White walls, white floors, white furniture.

Which only makes Harley Quinn stick out like a sore thumb in all that red and black.

“BAY-BEE!” She could never hope to match Joker’s grin, but she gives it a good go, stretching her makeup. Okay. Change of plans. Get Sheila out of here (and preferably out of the building), deal with Quinn. “It’s been a whiiiiile!”

He takes in the mallet leaning against the couch and the shotgun (are those fuzzy dice? Really?) in her hands and comes to the conclusion that great, she’s riding the crazy train.

But maybe she hasn’t seen Sheila yet. Where’s that goddamn light switch?

He moves, only a little, only to feel the unmistakable press of a gun against his lower back.

“Don’t. Move.”

And the world drops out from under him.

No. No, no, no, she said she quit, it was over, she said they’d let her go, she said-

The door shuts. He twists so he can still see Quinn in his peripheral. Sheila’s face is a blank mask-no tears, no joy, no nothing. Just quiet determination and he doesn’t understand, she said…

“Mom?” The word feels thick and wrong in his mouth, but maybe…maybe she’s brainwashed or hypnotized or something, maybe she doesn’t…isn’t…

“Sorry, kid.” The words are harsh but her tone isn’t. Quinn giggles in the background but she sounds so far away and Sheila’s still pressing a gun against him. “It was you or me, and, well…it had to be you.”

What?

“Aww, come to mama, baby!” Quinn giggles again before straightening up and scowling. “Now.”

His feet drag him forward, sneakers scuffing against the white carpet an’ Heaven’s s’posed ta be white, innit, so why does this feel like Hell and what’s going on she said she said-

For once horrible, desperate second, he wants Bruce. Bruce wouldn’t…yeah, he’d thought, at first, that he’d left him but he knows that he didn’t, he really didn’t, he just…

Bruce wouldn’t have pulled a gun on him, he wouldn’t and God, if he’d just fucking talked to him-

“I did what you wanted, Quinn.” Sheila’s voice is so, so flat and is this all she wanted from the beginning? Is it? “Now call your man.”

Quinn doesn’t even look at her. She’s looking at Jason like she always did-like she’s torn between wanting to rip his head off and wanting to wrap him in a blanket and keep him.

This is his own goddamn fault, he just thought…just once, just once-

“Quinn!” Desperation now, and the gun wobbles against his hoodie as she steps out from behind him. “I did what you said! Call your man!”

Okay. Okay.

He forces himself to take a few deep breaths that taste like that last cigarette outside and says, voice as steady as he can make it, “Let her go, Harley. Leave her alone, I’ll. I’ll do what you want, just. Just let her go.”

“Aww, look at you!” Her pigtails sway and he finds himself oddly hypnotized by the movement. “I knew ya had to be Robin for a reason.”

Yeah. Yeah, he was Robin and that’s all he’ll ever be, the one that fucked up.

“Please, Harley.”

“Nyeh…” She adjusts her grip on the gun, finger dancing near the trigger, and looks down at her knuckles. “Eeny, meanie, miny, moe, catch a Batman by the toe. If he hollers, let ‘im go, eeny…meanie…miny…moe!”

He sees it before she does it, but there’s no time-he’s moved maybe half a centimeter before the gun goes off-

-and Sheila.

Falls.

His ears are ringing. They’re ringing and everything’s so white except her, all blonde and blue and so fucking red because Harley didn’t miss and if he’d been quicker, he should have been-

“Aww, don’t be sad!” Harley’s not alone, of course she’s not. He should have known from the start stupidstupidstupid. “Doncha know what happens to people who know too much?”

Her eyes are open. They’re open and they’re looking at him like this is his fault and it is if he hadn’t…

S’like Joker said, once.

“Good boys know how to lay down and DIE.”

“Mistah J had a spot for ya, baby.” Huh? “But you up an’ left us before it was time! So since it’s his birthday-” The fucker has no birthday he just appeared one day too evil for Hell. “-I thought I’d get my puddin’ somethin’-” She winks. “Real nice.”

And they’re on him.

Harley’s goons are dumb, but they’re also big and they manage to drag him down for a minute before he gets a knife out of his sleeve and drives it into the nearest jaw.

“Andre!” Yeah, Andre ain’t comin’ back from that any time soon. “I thought we taught you manners!”

He reclaims his knife and scrambles back up and okay okay maybe he can get outta this-

WHAM!

Lights out.

[shadowthehedgehog-moved]

Ok final FLCL Progressive thoughts

I loved it

I remember watching Classic maybe middle school or elementary school when my sisters were watching it. However I was only allowed to watch the 3rd ep which was the least horniest one but I still thought it was rlly interesting and all the innuedos and metaphors and deep crap flew over my head. I watched it all again last year at 3am and it kinda changed my life??? Kinda??? It didnt have a deep impact on me but the impact was there. Its definitely an underrated anime.

That being said Progressive, once again had an impact on me. A little less so than Classic but the impacts still there. I love how contrary to Classic where Naota who was trying to be an edgy adult even though hes still a kid was still a dumbass tween who fell for most of Harukos crap, but you know thats understandable for a kid going through a really rough patch in his life. But anyways contrary to that, Progressive shows Hidomi being all edgy and shit but she and Ide are EXTREMELY warry of her manipulativeness and it was pretty cool to remember how Classic was basically "yeah harukos a bit creepy for being Like That to a kid but u know shes still redeemable and cool <:)" to "harukos actually pretty shitty but u know what can u do!" This isnt worded well but I liked that aspect

The romance,, couldve been better. I was gonna say that you cant really do much with 6 episodes but Classic had a lot of good characterization and development so..... but i liked it! It was cute! Also imo Hidomis dad was an important part but it didnt really feel like so it couldve been better as well. AND GOD THE MUSIC THIS SEASON WAS SUPER SUPER GOOD Spiky Seeds and Thank You My Twilight were the best.

And i know the animation was a big issue with everyone but i feel like people are forgetting that these 2 seasons have a smaller budget than Classic so thats why the animations like that but I feel like if they just did the rough animation with ep 5 it wouldve still been good.

I really liked the whole deal with Jinyu and Raharu and Atomsk. Jinyu respecting Atomsk wishes to not be involved with Raharu and Raharu just,,, not giving a shit was Atomsk wants (which is shitty but shes a shitty person in general so whos surprised) I thought Jinyu was a bit boring imo but compared to such a character like Raharu yeah any characters gonna look boring next to her.

There was still stuff i wanted answers to (Hidomis dad, wheres Naota, whats up with Aiko) but its FLCL so whatever

In short: Progressive has its flaws but I like it and thats that!

[imagineshiratorizawa]

OHOHOHO THEN hcs for childhood rivals (is that a thing? children can have weird rivalries.... they fight over crayons....) to best friends to lovers trope for kawanishi and semi?

Taichi Kawanishi

ღIt all started when they were little. Their mom were friends and wanted their kids to be friends as well

ღA mistake because you were too loud for his tastes and he started ignoring you. That didn’t suit you well

ღYou fuking punched him and you started to fight, your moms had to come and separate you both lmao

ღAfter that well you both weren’t on good terms with each other

ღYou just couldn’t let it go and neither could him apparently

ღYou always, always had to fight aka one fight per year

ღAlso because you were always one-upping his scores and looking at him with a haughty look, (absolutely shameful)

ღAfter you graduated from middle school the fights cooled down a bit, honestly gave your mom a breather because you always came home with some sort of bruise on you courtesy of taichi (and taichi as well) and after the fights started lessening, your bruises did too

ღOn your last year of being middle schoolers you got paired up for a project (im just a walking cliche aren’t i?) and he dared you that you couldn’t get into shiratori because of that really fucking difficult exam

ღYou agreed to take it, if only to shut his mouth up (it wasn’t even your first school of choice you wanted to go to seijoh) (s/o wanted to be a seijoh whore)

ღYou both went on the same day to take the exam, glaring at each other thru it, it was a wonder how you both managed to complete it

ღThe next day taichi had volley tryouts and told you some kind of passive-agressive stuff like “sucks for you that you don’t get a chance to get in on a sports scholarship” idk maybe taichi thinks you won’t get in on grades and also doesn’t have the same chance to get in thru sports 

ღ Anyway he told ya he thought he did good and to wait until next week for the scores and letters

ღWhen next week came you trotted up to taichi with a grin, practically shoving the paper down his throat as you showed him the score. You had passed and it was almost close to a perfect score

ღTaichi was shocked (not that he’d tell you) and showed you his score, which quite high, but did not come near yours

ღYou then asked about the tryouts and he told you he was accepted, which was a relief because his mother had been bugging him about it

ღYou congratulated him and told him “we should have a fight on our first year there hm? Just like old times where i would beat your ass~~”

ღSavage reader-chan

ღHe was shocked because he thought you wanted to go to seijoh but you shrugged and shook your head; “nah i wanna at least see what school shira is. If i don’t like it i could always change schools”

ღafter that you made changes and started to treat each other amicably and you couldve called yourselves friends

ღthey did indeed fight on the first day there and that like cemented it lmao

ღYou still kept teasing him and beating his own scores (you both were in advanced classes)

ღOn your second year the teasing toned down a bit, and you spent more time with him, going to all of his practices, games and away games too when you could.

ღHe had come to care for you and what better way to ask you to be his than on the last tournament of the year, the Interhigh spring high or interhigh lol i dont remember either thanks anyway i’ll use that then~~

ღYou were already up with the school but taichi texted you to meet him before the first game started. You did and met him outside in the hall.

ღHe gave you his jacket, before asking you out. There was a slight waver to his voice from the nervousness

ღYou were shocked and couldnt believe, after everything but you accepted with a cocky smirk, pulling him down for a smooch

Semi Eita

ღYou did not get off to a great start with semi

ღYou may have stolen a ball he was playing with and refused to give it back

ღYour first fight ever and it was versus a guy for a freakin’ ball

ღFrom then on you fuckers tried to fight each other everytime you saw each other

ღYou were always trying something to rile him up, always teasing him with a grin

ღYou were driving him crazy and not in a good way

ღThis continued up to highschool

ღWas he practicing volleyball? Gotta have a snide comment thrown his way every now and then. His unfashionable clothes? Another comment too

ღAnd then satori had to give you material to tease him more honestly

ღHonestly each time you walked into a room and he was there it was a pissing contest and a huge amount unresolved (sexual-) tension

ღIn your second year you stumbled upon semi angrily serving a ball into the court, just it missed by a lot and almost took your head off if you hadn’t moved in the nick of time

ღHe looked at you, looked right thru you really and his eyes were red and he was breathing heavy, mumbling a rough sorry as he went to pick another ball to serve

ღYou whistled at him, positioning yourself on the other court to attempt to receive his serves

ღHe nodded, serving just as hard as before

ღThe first serve you couldn’t properly receive, cursing at the sting but looking at him to do it again

ღThe afternoon was passed away in a flurry of volleyballs, curses and feet running on the court

ღAfter he ran out of balls he walked up to you, panting and stretching his shoulders out. You rubbed the sting off your arms, plopping down on the floor. He sat in front of you, hunched over

ღ“What happened semi? I’ve never seen you so pissed off, and thats something because that’s my job” “you know shirabu?” “the new kid on the team? Yeah what about him?” “He’s taking my spot… on the team.” “WHAT? But semi-sem-” “-dont call me that-” “you’re better than him!!” “I know… thanks y/n. You helped… alot.” “even if i’m your sexy rival~?” “I’ll disagree on the sexy part.” “Rude! I’m sexy and you know it~!” “Maybe you’re not so bad after all y/n.” “could say the same of you eita.”

ღAfter that there was less teasing coming from you and you soon both became friends

ღ“Semi-semi~” “don’t” “pick me up” “Why should I?” “Why shouldnt you?” “..fine” “yay~” “happy now?” “oooh~ the great semi-semi is picking me up with his strong manly arms~” swoon

ღOf course being friends didnt stop you making things a contest every single time

ღYou passed more time with him, satori, the team and other classmates were asking if you were dating

ღY/n looked into the Camera like in the office

ღ“Satori pls” “i mean you’ve been spending so much time with him~” “cut it we’ve been rivals since we were little” “true”

ღAnyway it wasn’t until your third year that you were like “yeah. I like Semi-Semi. Unfortunately.”

ღIt was on the spring tournament, before the first game that he pulled aside when you gave him the good luck charm. He took your face in his hands and drew you in for a deep kiss, leaving you breathless. (There was faint shouting in the background courtesy of the third years yelling “get it Semi-Semi/eita”)

ღHe moved back, embarrassed, but he tightly held one of your hands, a bashful smile tugging at his lips.

ღ“didn’t know you had it in you Semi-Semi” “s-shut up /////” “I’ll be cheering you on when you serve eita~!” “Thanks… babe.” “:3c” “what’s with that face?” “Nothing~”

ღEvery time it was his turn to switch in for the serves he looked up at you, waving and mouthing ‘good luck’

ღWhen Shiratorizawa Lost against kara you stood stunned and quietly slipped out of the bleachers  To go stand near the exit.

ღSemi was one of the last to leave, spying you and lagging behind the others.

ღHe quickly took you in his arms, angry and frustrated, just like that day in your second year. You just held him saying nothing.

ღAfter a while hayato came looking for him since they had to leave, seeing both of you wrapped up.

ღ“You played great semi, and those service aces were spectacular.” “but we still couldn’t win” “but a team is of six people eita, you only couldn’t bring the team to victory and you know it.” “I know… you always know what to say” “I’ve known you my whole life eita of course I know.”

ღHe walked away, catching semi’s eyes and motion towards the bus.

ღEita nuzzled into your neck, pulling away and planting a smooch “after we get to school, get to the gym and wait outside. I’ll come get you because we have punishment to do” “what punishment?” “100 serves” “yikes” “yeah” “this is because of wakatoshi isn’t it?” “Yup” “whatever, I’ll be there, like always”

ღWhen he came and got you, he made you sit a little ways behind him on the serve line, with a lot of water bottles, his phone and jacket (which you wore.)

ღHe started, along with the others, to do the punishment, looking back at you every couple of serves.

ღWhen he was around the 50 mark he stopped and sat next to you, taking one of the bottles you offered and drinking from it.

ღYou moved and put your head on his shoulder, your hand squeezing his other hand.

[thelifetimechannel]

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey God,

i just got back home at my new apartment from a MAST meeting and there’s some things i need to get off my chest that i realized i’ve been avoiding.

honestly, we’ve been a bit distant lately.

im really grateful for MAST and the people they are. and i only wish we couldve bonded on this level sooner but i am glad we’re able to do so now.

we had some deep talks during our hangout today and were very present and intentional with each other and im glad. 

and when jason shared about his family, it made me realize how terrified i am to go home bc i am afraid that nothing will have changed. i love jenny and i love MAST. I love PJosh, Amanda, Jason, and Johnathan bc I dont have to worry about being a burden with them bc i do genuinely love and care for me and want the best for me. They go out of their way to take care of me and make sure im home safe and mentally okay. And I am beyond grateful. Unsun loves me. Jenny Chang loves me. Josh Henderson I think loves me. People actually care for my wellbeing here. And I don’t feel like I have that at home. Not only have I been distancing myself from my family but I’ve been distant with everyone back home in general bc i’ve been so focused on trying to make a community here. Full of people I love and trust and can rely on.

I just dont want to feel like I’m being taken for granted again and just have so many expectations upon me. To be a good daughter, to be a good sister, to do this or do that. My mom was offended I didn’t ask her to help me move to Chicago my freshman year and she only asked me if I wanted her to help me move bc she found out her friends were helping their kids move in. She didn’t ask or offer her assistance. She just expected me to ask bc she wanted to fit in with her friends and prove she was a good mother.

even with my sister, she messaged me today with an expectation of me. instead of being glad or grateful that i would be going home, she asked why i couldnt just leave later and go to lollapalooza with her. is it wrong of me to expect or hope for her to be grateful im coming home at all? why is it so terrible that i dont want to go to lollapalooza? i told her that i still encouraged her to go if we wanted to and im not standing in the way of that. and she even said my mom was willing to pay for my ticket to the concert but im already so in debt to her bc of my mission trip and i dont want to just add onto that.

im also lowkey a lil frustrated rn bc i feel like ive explained my proposal to emily on how to handle utilities 3 times already and yet, she keeps asking and assuming and my patience is starting to run thin. i dont understand why she hasnt taken my proposal seriously or done what i asked her to do. she knows i dont have a phone and seemed willing to call peoplegas herself at first so i dont understand why shes being stubborn about doing it now.

sigh

anyway, in the car today while johnathan was driving me home to my new apartment, he asked what my thoughts on the whole topic were bc i had remained pretty quiet throughout it all. which i did. partly bc i just wanted to listen and be present and not feel the need to say what i think is “right” or the “best answer” and also bc i could never find a good opportunity to enter the conversation without interrupting someone else. and i confessed that at least on the topic of christians vs non-christians, i understood why jason would feel closer to non-christians bc of that expectation that christian communities have. i grew up in the church, yes. But I didn’t meet Christ until the end of 7th grade. And then I was temporarily on a spiritual high but struggled a lot my freshman year of high school and eventually just didnt see it as a priority or a reason to attend at all during my sophomore and junior years. And senior year, I tried to be open and honest and ended up feeling betrayed by James and tbh, im still a little triggered whenever I hear that name. Regardless of who it’s actually referring to and the context behind it. But that is when I came back to God bc I did feel a sense of community and belongingness with my Guatemala team. At least at first. I definitely felt it with Judy and Grace and I was glad to be there with them. But whenever I’ve come home and far too often, I feel like I have to try so hard just to be a part of the community at all and have to try to go to them so I have anyone in my life that I can rely on. Even when it comes to games, I’m often excluded and ignored bc I don’t fit the “standard” or cultural norm. And no one wants to be excluded or outcasted. We’re all insecure about ourselves but bc everyone is too afraid, no one reaches out to those that are left out and they all eventually leave bc they dont feel a sense of community. it’s a toxic culture and i dont want to go back. but yeah, i didnt come back to Christ until my senior year of high school and even then, it was just gaining a deeper understanding of Him through the Word and practical exercises. But mostly from mission training tbh and just being able to get closer with my team. so during that time when i was away from the church, i relied on my non-christian friends and they were the ones that were there for me when things got rough. i was honestly miserable at home and i couldnt handle it on my own and they were there to help me and listen to me and talk to me and be there for me. not my church friends. with them, i just felt betrayed. i tried to reach out to james, only to find out he and the rest of the guys had been gossiping about me behind my back when i so hopefully believed that we were getting closer and on our way to being friends. im shocked whenever people acknowledge my voice and im not ignored bc im so used to that culture and environment. ive tried to cry out to God and while i havent heard these things about me directly, i have heard many people complaining about people singing too loudly or not singing well enough and how it was annoying or keeping them from going to God. And I am so scarred by that toxic culture and behavior and bc that’s the only church I ever knew growing up, it’s affected how I perceive church in general now. And with church, there’s a certain expectation to be a better person and actively try to be more Christlike which I do but bc of that, I feel like I can’t make mistakes and have to meet that expectation which just leads me back down the path of perceiving serving as an obligation and work and a burden and something i have to do instead of doing it bc i genuinely care and want to serve God by serving them. It is so easy for me to cultivate deeper relationships with my school friends and really care for them bc there is no expectation for me to do anything. But because I genuinely care, I am able to reach out to them and make sure they’re doing okay and provide my help and services in any way that i can.  with church, im almost forced and expected to reach out and be a good Christian and do everything right.

I know P. Josh knows my character and who I am and loves me for me but every single time I fall back into this mindset of serving bc I feel like I have to serve and I’m being defined by that, I am afraid to tell him and be honest about it bc I know he said previously he’d be weary of someone joining MAST bc they defined themselves by how they serve and I don’t want him to kick me out of MAST bc that’s what I’ve become. And I keep beating myself up over falling back into this place and this habit because I so desperately don’t want to lose this community and this little family that I have here and people that I do love and trust and rely upon so much. I don’t want to disappoint him. I can’t bear to. 

And even at my home church, I never felt like I could speak ill of my parents or vent about what I was going through with them bc my dad was so heavily involved in the church. Everyone knew who he was and I didn’t want to soil his name. I had to be a good Christian and uphold his reputation as his daughter. 

But I hated being defined as “Marty’s daughter” or “Loren’s sister.” I just wanted to be known as Jessica Oh. I wanted to be known as me for me.

And I know I’ve made mistakes at my home church and bc they came back to haunt me later during my high school career, I’m afraid they’ll never go away hear. I made a lot of mistakes my sophomore year and I’ve grown a lot since then. But I’m worried people haven’t forgotten about the mistakes I’ve made and relationships I once had are irreparable bc of things I said or did that I didn’t realize in the moment was wrong. I can’t be fully honest or trust the community with who I am bc I feel like I have to be perfect all the time bc of the expectation and pressure placed upon me. And it’s crippling. It’s a fear that is crippling and I can’t fully handle. I’m letting it stop me from really coming before Christ and being honest with Him and growing as a community bc of my love for Him and yearn to serve Him.

but...it’s definitely tough.

i started crying in the car. i didnt think i would but i really am in a lot of pain over this. i just hope it gets resolved soon.

but anyway, thank you God for providing us with the space and opportunity to share our thoughts and go deeper with each other. it was much needed and meant a lot to me and i do really love them all so much.

thank you, God.

oh last thing—the reason ive never really shared all this with jason in the past is bc i know his own relationship with his family is tense and he cant help me or give any advice on how to solve this issue bc he himself does not know.

but yeah.

thank you, God.