#all i got from it in almost a year is that nurse t eats people and dareka is fucked up and crazy

[sleep-nurse]

you keep addressing nurse robot type t as robot who kills or something of the sorts

is there some lore i’m missing out on

me when the third nurse robot type t video features her on the floor with a shitton of blood splattered everywhere

[augment-techs]

"Pillow Talk" Skull/Billy

"Quite the catch" Bulk/Jason

"Royal pain in the ass" Jack/Sky

Since it's a three in one, I'm going with a theoretical summary/synopsis cluster. Singles next time, please, it makes this a lot cleaner ^^; Title: reckless ambivalence Rating: M Relationships: Billy Cranston/Eugene Skollovitch; Billy Cranston & Farkas Bulkmeier; Billy Cranston & Matthew Cook & Grace Sterling; Billy Cranston & His Parents; Eugene Skullovitch & Stan Skullovitch; Ranger Ensemble. Additional Tags: Coma; Monster Attack Aftermath; Physical Abuse; Parental Neglect; Scarring; Blood; Sibling Relationship; Pining; Guilt; Hand Holding; mention of the Annual Comic that nobody ever brings up gdi; Zordon Admitting to Being a Dick; 5+1 Things. Summary: Billy keeps getting dreams that don't feel like dreams in the aftermath of getting into a verbal fight with Skull, followed by a monster smashing him so hard into a wall that the punk fell into a coma. They were too detailed and the environment felt too much like that time he and his team walked out of Drakkon's make believe world and out into the very ether of the Morphin Grid. "Why do I have to come back again? What do I have to learn?" The questions shouldn't sting so much after the second time he asks Billy, dressed in a hospital gown and draped in orange light like a sundown. Looking so tired and resigned and eyes all wide and wet. But then, Billy actually thinks about it, looks into all the stuff he's missed out on since falling out of Skull's orbit (abandoning him) and begins to feel like he can't breathe: going through Skull's overly full medicine cabinet, helping the nurses in the hospital bathe the blood and sweat off of the scars decorating his back and arms and legs, talking with Bulk about how thin Skull is because his family is always gone and not a lot of people were willing to hire him for odd jobs. What could Billy answer with that could make Eugene (come back) stay?

Title: sheets of egyptian cotton Rating: M Relationships: Farkas Bulkmeier/Jason Scott; Previous Jason Scott/Tommy Oliver/Kimberly Hart; Billy Cranston/Eugene Skullovitch; Rocky Desantos/Adam Park/Aisha Campbell; Zack Taylor/Trini. Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Underwear Model/Ambulance Driver; Kink Model/Nursing Aid; Eating Disorders; Anxiety; Mention of Physical Abuse; Meet Ugly; Substance Abuse; Frottage; Oral Sex; Cuddling. Summary: Probably the worst way to meet a model that Jason could think of was when some asshole got handsy during the after party and the biggest model on the line gets hit in the head with a champagne bottle trying to get the asshole to get the hell out. Still, Jason could kind of count himself lucky. It wasn't every day that he got to meet a plus sized model without a filter from the pain meds wearing nothing but the silky boxer briefs he had on the runway. Or his skittish friend from the BDSM showcase in the building across the street showing up at the hospital in nothing but a silk see-through kimono and an exceptionally complicated looking ensemble with leather and lace. * Title: dancing on the head of a pin Rating: T Relationships: Jack Landors/Sky Tate; Anubis "Doggie" Cruger/Kat Manx; Z Delgado & Bridge Carson & Syd Drew. Additional Tags: Heartbreak; Emotional Hurt/Comfort; That Last Episode Girlfriend Never Really Sat Right With Me; I Do Like Piggy but We ALL Know He'd Find a Way to Fuck Up; Jack Landors Needs a Hug; Sky Tate Kicks Some Ass; Z Delgado is Coming for Blood. Summary: Here's a level of hell that Jack could not imagine when he quit the SPD and went into business with a new girlfriend and Piggy that the ex-Red Ranger was not expecting: his relationship with Ally ending with her and Piggy hooking up and her cheating on him FOR MONTHS before he found out. One would think he was utterly bullet proof, but even after a whole year of taking on the worst of the worst, fighting an intergalactic menace, almost dying; Jack was as emotionally vulnerable as that kid who grew up on the street with nothing and no one. Somehow, though, Jack didn't mind Sky seeing him so vulnerable.

[oceanlandworld]

man i almost never do this but girl interrupted is one of my favorite books ever so i have a right to complain. the movie making lisa into a Sexy Evil Sociopath Villain is the stupidest shallowest most woman-hating hollywoodification possible for this narrative and i fucking hate it

here's how lisa gets introduced in the goddamn book:

Lisa had run away again. We were sad, because she kept our spirits up. She was funny. Lisa! I can’t think of her without smiling, even now. The worst was that she was always caught and dragged back, dirty, with wild eyes that had seen freedom. She would curse her captors, and even the tough old-timers had to laugh at the names she made up. “Cheese-pussy!” And another favorite, “You schizophrenic bat!” Usually, they found her within a day. She couldn’t get far on foot, with no money. But this time she seemed to have lucked out. On the third day I heard someone in the nursing station saying “APB” into the phone: all points bulletin. Lisa wouldn’t be hard to identify. She rarely ate and she never slept, so she was thin and yellow, the way people get when they don’t eat, and she had huge bags under her eyes. She had long dark dull hair that she fastened with a silver clip. She had the longest fingers I’ve ever seen.

here is the final scene in the book in which lisa appears:

A few years after Georgina went west, I ran into Lisa in Harvard Square. She had a little toast-colored boy with her, about three years old. I hugged her. “Lisa,” I said, “I’m so happy to see you.” “This is my kid,” she said. “Isn’t it crazy that I have a kid?” She laughed. “Aaron, say hello.” He didn’t; he put his face behind her leg. She looked exactly the same: skinny, yellow, cheerful. “What have you been doing?” I asked. “The kid,” she said. “That’s all you can do.” “What about the father?” “Later for him. I got rid of him.” She put her hand on the boy’s head. “We don’t need him, do we?” “Where are you living?” I wanted to know everything about her. “You won’t believe this.” Lisa pulled out a Kool and lit up. “I’m living in Brookline. I’m a suburban matron in Brookline. I’ve got the kid, I take the kid to nursery school, I’ve got an apartment, I’ve got furniture. Fridays we go to temple.” “Temple!” This amazed me. “Why?” “I want—” Lisa faltered. I’d never before seen her at a loss for words. “I want us to be a real family, with furniture, and all that. I want him to have a real life. And temple helps. I don’t know why, but it helps.” I stared at Lisa, trying to imagine her in temple with her dark-skinned son. I noticed she was wearing some jewelry—a ring with two sapphires, a gold chain around her neck. “What’s with the jewelry?” I asked. “Presents from Grandma, right?” She addressed this to the kid. “Everything changes when you have children,” she told me. I didn’t know what to say to that. I’d decided not to have any. And it didn’t look like my marriage was going to last, either. We were standing in the middle of Harvard Square in front of the subway entrance. Suddenly, Lisa leaned close to me and said, “Wanna see something fantastic?” Her voice had the old quiver of mischief in it. I nodded. She pulled up her shirt, a T-shirt advertising a bagel shop in Brookline, and grabbed hold of the flesh of her abdomen. Then she pulled. Her skin was like an accordion; it kept expanding, more and more, until she was holding the flap of skin a foot away from her body. She let go and it subsided, somewhat wrinkled at first but then settling back on her bones, looking perfectly normal. “Wow!” I said. “Kids,” said Lisa. “That’s what happens.” She laughed. “Say good-bye, Aaron.” “Bye,” he said, surprising me. They were going back to Brookline on the subway. At the top of the stairs Lisa turned around toward me again. “You ever think of those days in there, in that place?” she asked. “Yes,” I answered. “I do think of them.” “Me too.” She shook her head. “Oh, well,” she said rather jauntily. Then the two of them went down the stairs, underground.

literally cannot stand girl interrupted 1999 lmfao

“She thinks she’s hot shit because she’s a sociopath.”

Girl Interrupted 1999

[cleverhottubmiracle]

Though it seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, nursing a baby can feel like anything but. These days, when something as benign as feeding your infant is so fraught (politicized, even), it’s reassuring to hear a few wise words from women who have been there, lived that. In honor of World Breastfeeding Awareness Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we present the good, the bad and the in-between about what it’s really like to sustain a tiny human with your own two boobs. Eight Bare Necessities staffers looked back—some many years, some to this morning—to bring you their best, most honest breastfeeding real talk. File all this knowledge under “things nobody ever tells you….” Heather and Emma Heather, premium brands buyer and mom of Vivian, 4, and Emma, 5 monthsHow long did you nurse?  Four months. I would have continued if working from home was possible. Now I’m just nursing before and after work. How did you make the decision?��It’s ingrained that breast is best, so there were no other options. The minute the lactation nurse walks through the door, you’re made to feel guilty if you even want to consider formula. What’s it like? I pumped and nursed with my first, to no set schedule, and weaned after 2.5 months. This time, I pumped mainly and nursed occasionally. I hated pumping—it’s tedious—but it’s satisfying knowing exactly how much milk your child is getting. It was tough to plan anything because life revolved around that pump. I was doing power pumps every other day the first month, which takes an hour; on top of that, I was eating and drinking lactation foods all day long. Freya Pure Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I would get this terrible feeling of being frightened at night; a wave of anxiety would rush through me. At first I thought, I’m just hearing noises; don’t be a scaredy-cat. But it happened every night and into the morning until I pumped. One night I Googled anxiety for the first few minutes of pumping. Can you believe it’s an actual condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex? It’s a glitch in the mechanism that allows milk to flow that can cause negative emotions at letdown. I wish people talked about this because I felt so alone explaining it. I also have to mention the loss of breast tissue after breastfeeding. I went from a G-cup to an E. They turn into pancakes. Any memorable stories? The priest came while my cousin was visiting me in the hospital. There I was in a nightgown, pumping and receiving communion. What was your nursing bra must-have? The Freya Pure Nursing T-Shirt Bra. I love that it’s a spacer bra, so it’s soft but still gives a great shape. I’ve been wearing it almost every day, and no one has noticed. Caitlin and Raegan Caitlin, merchandise planner and mom of Raegan, 6 monthsHow long do you expect to nurse? I’m hoping until she’s one. She was exclusively breastfed until we recently introduced solids. Wouldn’t it be nice never to buy formula? How did you make the decision? I went in with no expectations. I had heard it all, wonderful experiences to horror stories. Leading up to her birth I said, “We’re going to try. If it works, it works.” What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Everyone had their own opinions and experiences: the lactation consultants, pediatricians, OBs, nurses. Those passionate experts were, at times, in conflict. I tried to take it all in, but it can drive you crazy. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut and do whatever’s best for you and baby—and what you decide works best today can change tomorrow. Let yourself be open and understanding, even with yourself. There’s no rulebook. What has it been like? A struggle in the beginning, but we got over the hump. No one ever warned me of how excruciating milk coming in would be! Heads up, mamas, that is zero fun but, like everything else, this too shall pass. Cake Lingerie Toffee nursing tank Any memorable stories? I once pumped in a popular New York restaurant where there’s a single bathroom and no outlet! The manual pump took forever. When I finally emerged, there was a massive line outside the door. I’m pretty sure the next person to go in held their nose in case. What’s your best advice? Don’t hesitate to use the lactation consultants. I couldn’t have done it without them. If they leave your room, don’t suffer in silence; call them back! A few days after we got home, I returned to the hospital for more lessons. They’re there to help. What is your nursing bra must-have? At first, I lived in Cake Lingerie nursing tanks. When I started leaving the house again, I graduated to a real bra. I still love the Panache Eleanor. It’s a spacer so it’s light and perfect for summer. I like that it fits me great before and after feeding. Tracy and Dylan Tracy, assistant buyer and mom of Amanda, 22, Brian, 19 and Dylan, 16How long did you nurse? All three for a year each. Right around that first birthday, they seemed ready to be done. How did you make the decision? I assumed I would use formula because that’s how my mom fed me. Breastfeeding wasn’t in fashion then, but when I gave birth, there was a movement to encourage it. The nurse asked if I wanted to try, and I said, “I guess so.” I thought I’d nurse for a few days. Before I knew it, it’d been a year. Other than deciding to become a mom, it was the best decision I ever made. My motivation was to provide nutrients and immunity. Little did I know it would also simplify life. How convenient to never wash bottles, prep formula or carry food—I was the food. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? It was seeing a resurgence. Some friends didn’t understand why I was such a proponent, but it can be hard to comprehend something until you experience it. You can’t just convince someone to nurse: The mother has to want to, and the baby has to be able to. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. What was it like? It was like having a superpower: When the kids were cranky or sick, I could console them. I believe it had lasting positive effects on our relationships. Yes, there were times I struggled. I experienced painful mastitis, and it meant I was restricted—if my friends were going out, my response had to be, “Sorry, I have to be here to feed the baby.” Truth is, even though it may not always have felt like it then, the time flies, and I never took those moments for granted. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? Nursing has positive effects on moms, too. I was more well endowed than ever. It helped my body return to its pre-pregnancy shape more quickly. The sensation of a letdown, when your baby is ready to feed, is indescribably powerful. Like feeling your baby kick during pregnancy, your milk coming in is like magic. It’s a miracle that your body can produce the food that your baby needs to survive—a literal lifeline. Any memorable stories? Friends and family joke that certain topics are taboo around me. Breastfeeding used to be one of them. That changed quickly! I nursed walking through Disney World. I nursed in the middle of Yankee Stadium. If my babies were hungry, I fed them. No one ever had a negative word to say about it. Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra Where did you get support? The What to Expect series was my bible. If the baby woke up in the night, my husband would always go get him or her. By the time I had my third, my older kids would help. They loved it because they knew it meant we would get to sit and read. My mom was a huge proponent of my decision. My sister cheered me on and, having seen how great it was for me, went on to nurse my nephews. What’s your best advice? 1) Stick with it, even if it’s tough in the beginning. It gets better, I promise. 2) Trust your gut. If your baby is hungry, don’t worry if you just fed her. Your body will tell you when it’s time, not the clock. 3) Enjoy the process. Savor each moment of snuggle time. What was your nursing bra must-have? Even—and maybe especially—nursing moms deserve to feel sexy. I love the Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra. It doesn’t look or feel like a typical nursing bra. Thankfully, they’ve come a long way! Amber and Houston Amber, controller and mom of Houston, 2How long did you nurse? Houston went 11 months. Then we started cow’s milk, and he was weaned at 14 months. How did you make the decision? I knew before giving birth I wanted to try. My mom did it for the first year with her three children while working full-time and having to use a manual pump—still amazed by that—so I knew it was doable. Wacoal Nursing T-Shirt Bra What was it like? The bond I felt with my son was the biggest pro. They were definitely some of the most content moments I’ve had with him. I didn’t expect to miss nursing as much as I did when it was over. The biggest con was that it could be isolating. I felt comfortable nursing in front of certain people, but pumping was something I never did around anyone and, as a full-time working mom, I had no choice. I would often end up pumping in my car in the parking lot. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? The pounds came off quick. After a year, I was 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. Your boobs aren’t the same, though! Emotionally, it helped keep my hormones in check. It could be that taking those pauses throughout the day was better for my emotional state then I realized at the time. What was your nursing bra must-have? A lacy nursing bra can make you feel more confident, and a nursing tank is perfect for around the house. Jessica, photo retoucher and mom of Liam, 4How long did you nurse? About a month, plus I pumped enough for another month. I stopped due to the pain. Nobody tells you it really hurts for some people. I also didn’t produce a lot of milk, despite trying everything to make it come in more. Bravado Designs Body Silk Nursing Bra How did you make the decision? I knew the nutrients in breastmilk were key to helping baby develop immunity. I initially looked forward to it, thinking I wanted to give him that opportunity. The benefits for us both seemed like a no-brainer. After my son was born, I got conflicting advice from different lactation nurses and groups. Don’t pump right away; pump as much as you can; eat this; don’t eat that. Despite trying to follow all the advice, I wasn’t producing enough. My son was always hungry and crying no matter what I did. He was also tongue-tied. I had no clue what that was and didn’t find out until later. I ended up using formula, and we were both much happier. What was it like? It was painful, and I felt horrible that I wasn’t able to produce enough milk. What’s your best advice? Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it. It’s a personal choice, and feeding formula is totally fine. If you can nurse without issues, more power to you, but don’t let anyone put you down for choosing not to breastfeed. It was amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I got from strangers telling me how to raise my child. Ignore it. What was your nursing bra must-have? I preferred a bra like the Bravado Designs Body Silk Wire-Free Nursing Bra. It was comfortable to sleep in and no fuss to deal with. Justina and Madeleine Justina, product merchandising coordinator and mom of Matthew, 6, and Madeleine, 3How long did you nurse? Three months with my son, two months with my daughter. How did you make the decision? You read up on all this stuff during your pregnancy, and phrases like “liquid gold” stick in your mind. It’s imparted into you to want to breastfeed and provide this little person with the most your body has to offer…for at least as long as you can bear it. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? “Breast is best!” Apparently, it’s every maternity wing slogan. What was it like? I was elated every time. With my son, it was about those moments he would never remember and I would never forget. With my daughter, it was more difficult. There were latch issues from day one, which I resolved by offering both breast and formula. I pumped more—exhausting! I thought I’d breastfeed for a year, but it wasn’t in me to juggle it with going back to work. That was the saddest part, the end of an era. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it! Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I felt insanely empowered. In a way, I fell in love with my body for the first time. I admired it. This body went on a journey that will forever leave me feeling stronger than I ever felt in my youth. I sustained life. That’s a sobering thought! Any memorable stories? Matthew started crying one night. When I turned the bottle upside-down to feed him, instead of taking the cap off, I unscrewed the whole top. Needless to say, there more screaming after that. Poor baby was gasping for breath as I soaked him in an entire bottle of milk. What’s your best advice? Read up on it a little but really, rely on instinct. You’ll know what to do. And get some great pajamas because you’re about to be living in them! What was your nursing bra must-have? Hands down the Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra! I know many women want wire-free foam, but I disagree. With a bra that fits properly—meaning the correct size no matter how ludicrous you think it may be—you’ll never feel the underwire. Too much foam makes nursing uncomfortable for you and the baby. Ultra-thin microfiber tucks away nicely, never disrupting your flow or baby’s meal. How would you like all that stuff leaning against your face while you’re eating?! Brandi, Bra Fit Expert and mom of Elizabeth, 12, and Rebecca, 8How long did you nurse? My first daughter only nursed for about a month. My younger daughter nursed for a year. Cake Lingerie Croissant Nursing Bra What was it like? My first didn’t take to nursing at all. I was devastated. She ended up formula-fed, which worked out just as well. Anyone could give her a bottle and, when she was old enough, she could hold it by herself. My younger was exclusively breastfed. The only downside was that she refused to take a bottle, so I was the only person who could feed her. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? My breasts are definitely more shallow. It forced me to watch what I ate; certain foods might make her fussy. I dropped the weight a lot faster. Emotionally, I loved that time. Every feeding was a one-on-one experience that couldn’t be rushed. As amazing as it was, nursing was exhausting. I felt like she was always hungry and I was feeding her constantly. Any memorable stories? A lot of nursing rooms are adjacent to restrooms. At one mall, the nursing area shared a wall with those jet-propelled hand dryers. Every time someone would dry their hands, my daughter would startle and stop eating! It was funny at first but got old fast. Where did you get support? Unfortunately, I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to for advice. I had to figure a lot out for myself. Talk to family or friends who have breastfed. If you don’t have any, ask your hospital if they know of any breastfeeding groups. Online support groups are good, but find one with a moderator. Tired, hormonal moms can be a bit snippy. What was your nursing bra must-have? I wish I had known about Bare Necessities! I was in a very ill-fitting nursing bra from a well-known maternity store. It was awful, and I would only wear it if I had to leave the house. I think the most versatile bras have many hook-and-eye closures. Cake Lingerie offers six columns! These should fit snugly on the middle set of hooks early in pregnancy. As your ribcage expands, you’ll be able to let that bra out; as everything moves back into place after the baby is born, you’ll be able to tighten the band again for proper support. Brooke and Eva Brooke, editor and mom of Eva, 5 How long did you nurse? We made it 11 months, when she dropped me like a bad habit. My goal was a year, so I call that a win. How did you make the decision? I wanted to make a go of breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) Luckily, she took to it right away, which is still not to say it was easy. We tried every hold and latch and probably invented a few. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Eva was born in the organic, Earth Mama era. When my supply dipped around seven months, we started supplementing with formula—that’s what I was raised on, and I arguably turned out okay, so I felt pretty good about the combo. My friend Virginia Sole-Smith is writing a book called The Eating Instinct on this topic, and the philosophy she subscribes to is this: “Fed is best.” What was it like? Hardest, best thing I’ve done. Nursing was a full-time job in addition to my actual full-time job, and it’s all on you. It felt nonstop, like I was always running a marathon. I was ravenously hungry and thirsty. She was literally draining the energy out of me! At a few months old, she started sleeping through the night but I was still up because my confused, engorged boobs were on fire. I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I had a love-hate relationship with the pump, I had plugged ducts, I bled. Despite how this all sounds, I enjoyed it. We were good at it, it was beautiful, it was a wonder my 30Cs could sustain her. But it was definitely a factor in my being one-and-done. I can’t imagine doing that for another year, and I also couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. Bravado Designs Ballet Nursing Bra What did it do to you physically and emotionally? My boobs never looked bigger or better. At the end, though, they were smaller and softer. It was all-consuming: Was I doing it right? Was she getting enough? How could I produce more? The last thing I needed to be doing in my precious little free time was baking lactation cookies and trying to source Mother’s Milk Tea, but that’s what I did. It made me ruthlessly goal-oriented. Any memorable stories? I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of a car driving slowly through Times Square. When weaning, I stuffed cabbage leaves in my bra to soothe the soreness. (It’s a thing.) Warm, wilting cabbage is rarely a good look. Or scent. Where did you get support? Google at 4 AM, mostly. Skip the childbirth class; take a lactation class! What was your nursing bra must-have? With so many size fluctuations, the last thing I wanted to deal with was figuring out bra size—this was before I knew the Bra Fit Experts could do it for me! So stretchy size smalls, like the Bravado Designs Ballet Wire-Free Nursing Bra, did the trick. Source link

[norajworld]

Though it seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, nursing a baby can feel like anything but. These days, when something as benign as feeding your infant is so fraught (politicized, even), it’s reassuring to hear a few wise words from women who have been there, lived that. In honor of World Breastfeeding Awareness Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we present the good, the bad and the in-between about what it’s really like to sustain a tiny human with your own two boobs. Eight Bare Necessities staffers looked back—some many years, some to this morning—to bring you their best, most honest breastfeeding real talk. File all this knowledge under “things nobody ever tells you….” Heather and Emma Heather, premium brands buyer and mom of Vivian, 4, and Emma, 5 monthsHow long did you nurse?  Four months. I would have continued if working from home was possible. Now I’m just nursing before and after work. How did you make the decision? It’s ingrained that breast is best, so there were no other options. The minute the lactation nurse walks through the door, you’re made to feel guilty if you even want to consider formula. What’s it like? I pumped and nursed with my first, to no set schedule, and weaned after 2.5 months. This time, I pumped mainly and nursed occasionally. I hated pumping—it’s tedious—but it’s satisfying knowing exactly how much milk your child is getting. It was tough to plan anything because life revolved around that pump. I was doing power pumps every other day the first month, which takes an hour; on top of that, I was eating and drinking lactation foods all day long. Freya Pure Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I would get this terrible feeling of being frightened at night; a wave of anxiety would rush through me. At first I thought, I’m just hearing noises; don’t be a scaredy-cat. But it happened every night and into the morning until I pumped. One night I Googled anxiety for the first few minutes of pumping. Can you believe it’s an actual condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex? It’s a glitch in the mechanism that allows milk to flow that can cause negative emotions at letdown. I wish people talked about this because I felt so alone explaining it. I also have to mention the loss of breast tissue after breastfeeding. I went from a G-cup to an E. They turn into pancakes. Any memorable stories? The priest came while my cousin was visiting me in the hospital. There I was in a nightgown, pumping and receiving communion. What was your nursing bra must-have? The Freya Pure Nursing T-Shirt Bra. I love that it’s a spacer bra, so it’s soft but still gives a great shape. I’ve been wearing it almost every day, and no one has noticed. Caitlin and Raegan Caitlin, merchandise planner and mom of Raegan, 6 monthsHow long do you expect to nurse? I’m hoping until she’s one. She was exclusively breastfed until we recently introduced solids. Wouldn’t it be nice never to buy formula? How did you make the decision? I went in with no expectations. I had heard it all, wonderful experiences to horror stories. Leading up to her birth I said, “We’re going to try. If it works, it works.” What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Everyone had their own opinions and experiences: the lactation consultants, pediatricians, OBs, nurses. Those passionate experts were, at times, in conflict. I tried to take it all in, but it can drive you crazy. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut and do whatever’s best for you and baby—and what you decide works best today can change tomorrow. Let yourself be open and understanding, even with yourself. There’s no rulebook. What has it been like? A struggle in the beginning, but we got over the hump. No one ever warned me of how excruciating milk coming in would be! Heads up, mamas, that is zero fun but, like everything else, this too shall pass. Cake Lingerie Toffee nursing tank Any memorable stories? I once pumped in a popular New York restaurant where there’s a single bathroom and no outlet! The manual pump took forever. When I finally emerged, there was a massive line outside the door. I’m pretty sure the next person to go in held their nose in case. What’s your best advice? Don’t hesitate to use the lactation consultants. I couldn’t have done it without them. If they leave your room, don’t suffer in silence; call them back! A few days after we got home, I returned to the hospital for more lessons. They’re there to help. What is your nursing bra must-have? At first, I lived in Cake Lingerie nursing tanks. When I started leaving the house again, I graduated to a real bra. I still love the Panache Eleanor. It’s a spacer so it’s light and perfect for summer. I like that it fits me great before and after feeding. Tracy and Dylan Tracy, assistant buyer and mom of Amanda, 22, Brian, 19 and Dylan, 16How long did you nurse? All three for a year each. Right around that first birthday, they seemed ready to be done. How did you make the decision? I assumed I would use formula because that’s how my mom fed me. Breastfeeding wasn’t in fashion then, but when I gave birth, there was a movement to encourage it. The nurse asked if I wanted to try, and I said, “I guess so.” I thought I’d nurse for a few days. Before I knew it, it’d been a year. Other than deciding to become a mom, it was the best decision I ever made. My motivation was to provide nutrients and immunity. Little did I know it would also simplify life. How convenient to never wash bottles, prep formula or carry food—I was the food. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? It was seeing a resurgence. Some friends didn’t understand why I was such a proponent, but it can be hard to comprehend something until you experience it. You can’t just convince someone to nurse: The mother has to want to, and the baby has to be able to. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. What was it like? It was like having a superpower: When the kids were cranky or sick, I could console them. I believe it had lasting positive effects on our relationships. Yes, there were times I struggled. I experienced painful mastitis, and it meant I was restricted—if my friends were going out, my response had to be, “Sorry, I have to be here to feed the baby.” Truth is, even though it may not always have felt like it then, the time flies, and I never took those moments for granted. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? Nursing has positive effects on moms, too. I was more well endowed than ever. It helped my body return to its pre-pregnancy shape more quickly. The sensation of a letdown, when your baby is ready to feed, is indescribably powerful. Like feeling your baby kick during pregnancy, your milk coming in is like magic. It’s a miracle that your body can produce the food that your baby needs to survive—a literal lifeline. Any memorable stories? Friends and family joke that certain topics are taboo around me. Breastfeeding used to be one of them. That changed quickly! I nursed walking through Disney World. I nursed in the middle of Yankee Stadium. If my babies were hungry, I fed them. No one ever had a negative word to say about it. Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra Where did you get support? The What to Expect series was my bible. If the baby woke up in the night, my husband would always go get him or her. By the time I had my third, my older kids would help. They loved it because they knew it meant we would get to sit and read. My mom was a huge proponent of my decision. My sister cheered me on and, having seen how great it was for me, went on to nurse my nephews. What’s your best advice? 1) Stick with it, even if it’s tough in the beginning. It gets better, I promise. 2) Trust your gut. If your baby is hungry, don’t worry if you just fed her. Your body will tell you when it’s time, not the clock. 3) Enjoy the process. Savor each moment of snuggle time. What was your nursing bra must-have? Even—and maybe especially—nursing moms deserve to feel sexy. I love the Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra. It doesn’t look or feel like a typical nursing bra. Thankfully, they’ve come a long way! Amber and Houston Amber, controller and mom of Houston, 2How long did you nurse? Houston went 11 months. Then we started cow’s milk, and he was weaned at 14 months. How did you make the decision? I knew before giving birth I wanted to try. My mom did it for the first year with her three children while working full-time and having to use a manual pump—still amazed by that—so I knew it was doable. Wacoal Nursing T-Shirt Bra What was it like? The bond I felt with my son was the biggest pro. They were definitely some of the most content moments I’ve had with him. I didn’t expect to miss nursing as much as I did when it was over. The biggest con was that it could be isolating. I felt comfortable nursing in front of certain people, but pumping was something I never did around anyone and, as a full-time working mom, I had no choice. I would often end up pumping in my car in the parking lot. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? The pounds came off quick. After a year, I was 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. Your boobs aren’t the same, though! Emotionally, it helped keep my hormones in check. It could be that taking those pauses throughout the day was better for my emotional state then I realized at the time. What was your nursing bra must-have? A lacy nursing bra can make you feel more confident, and a nursing tank is perfect for around the house. Jessica, photo retoucher and mom of Liam, 4How long did you nurse? About a month, plus I pumped enough for another month. I stopped due to the pain. Nobody tells you it really hurts for some people. I also didn’t produce a lot of milk, despite trying everything to make it come in more. Bravado Designs Body Silk Nursing Bra How did you make the decision? I knew the nutrients in breastmilk were key to helping baby develop immunity. I initially looked forward to it, thinking I wanted to give him that opportunity. The benefits for us both seemed like a no-brainer. After my son was born, I got conflicting advice from different lactation nurses and groups. Don’t pump right away; pump as much as you can; eat this; don’t eat that. Despite trying to follow all the advice, I wasn’t producing enough. My son was always hungry and crying no matter what I did. He was also tongue-tied. I had no clue what that was and didn’t find out until later. I ended up using formula, and we were both much happier. What was it like? It was painful, and I felt horrible that I wasn’t able to produce enough milk. What’s your best advice? Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it. It’s a personal choice, and feeding formula is totally fine. If you can nurse without issues, more power to you, but don’t let anyone put you down for choosing not to breastfeed. It was amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I got from strangers telling me how to raise my child. Ignore it. What was your nursing bra must-have? I preferred a bra like the Bravado Designs Body Silk Wire-Free Nursing Bra. It was comfortable to sleep in and no fuss to deal with. Justina and Madeleine Justina, product merchandising coordinator and mom of Matthew, 6, and Madeleine, 3How long did you nurse? Three months with my son, two months with my daughter. How did you make the decision? You read up on all this stuff during your pregnancy, and phrases like “liquid gold” stick in your mind. It’s imparted into you to want to breastfeed and provide this little person with the most your body has to offer…for at least as long as you can bear it. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? “Breast is best!” Apparently, it’s every maternity wing slogan. What was it like? I was elated every time. With my son, it was about those moments he would never remember and I would never forget. With my daughter, it was more difficult. There were latch issues from day one, which I resolved by offering both breast and formula. I pumped more—exhausting! I thought I’d breastfeed for a year, but it wasn’t in me to juggle it with going back to work. That was the saddest part, the end of an era. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it! Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I felt insanely empowered. In a way, I fell in love with my body for the first time. I admired it. This body went on a journey that will forever leave me feeling stronger than I ever felt in my youth. I sustained life. That’s a sobering thought! Any memorable stories? Matthew started crying one night. When I turned the bottle upside-down to feed him, instead of taking the cap off, I unscrewed the whole top. Needless to say, there more screaming after that. Poor baby was gasping for breath as I soaked him in an entire bottle of milk. What’s your best advice? Read up on it a little but really, rely on instinct. You’ll know what to do. And get some great pajamas because you’re about to be living in them! What was your nursing bra must-have? Hands down the Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra! I know many women want wire-free foam, but I disagree. With a bra that fits properly—meaning the correct size no matter how ludicrous you think it may be—you’ll never feel the underwire. Too much foam makes nursing uncomfortable for you and the baby. Ultra-thin microfiber tucks away nicely, never disrupting your flow or baby’s meal. How would you like all that stuff leaning against your face while you’re eating?! Brandi, Bra Fit Expert and mom of Elizabeth, 12, and Rebecca, 8How long did you nurse? My first daughter only nursed for about a month. My younger daughter nursed for a year. Cake Lingerie Croissant Nursing Bra What was it like? My first didn’t take to nursing at all. I was devastated. She ended up formula-fed, which worked out just as well. Anyone could give her a bottle and, when she was old enough, she could hold it by herself. My younger was exclusively breastfed. The only downside was that she refused to take a bottle, so I was the only person who could feed her. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? My breasts are definitely more shallow. It forced me to watch what I ate; certain foods might make her fussy. I dropped the weight a lot faster. Emotionally, I loved that time. Every feeding was a one-on-one experience that couldn’t be rushed. As amazing as it was, nursing was exhausting. I felt like she was always hungry and I was feeding her constantly. Any memorable stories? A lot of nursing rooms are adjacent to restrooms. At one mall, the nursing area shared a wall with those jet-propelled hand dryers. Every time someone would dry their hands, my daughter would startle and stop eating! It was funny at first but got old fast. Where did you get support? Unfortunately, I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to for advice. I had to figure a lot out for myself. Talk to family or friends who have breastfed. If you don’t have any, ask your hospital if they know of any breastfeeding groups. Online support groups are good, but find one with a moderator. Tired, hormonal moms can be a bit snippy. What was your nursing bra must-have? I wish I had known about Bare Necessities! I was in a very ill-fitting nursing bra from a well-known maternity store. It was awful, and I would only wear it if I had to leave the house. I think the most versatile bras have many hook-and-eye closures. Cake Lingerie offers six columns! These should fit snugly on the middle set of hooks early in pregnancy. As your ribcage expands, you’ll be able to let that bra out; as everything moves back into place after the baby is born, you’ll be able to tighten the band again for proper support. Brooke and Eva Brooke, editor and mom of Eva, 5 How long did you nurse? We made it 11 months, when she dropped me like a bad habit. My goal was a year, so I call that a win. How did you make the decision? I wanted to make a go of breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) Luckily, she took to it right away, which is still not to say it was easy. We tried every hold and latch and probably invented a few. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Eva was born in the organic, Earth Mama era. When my supply dipped around seven months, we started supplementing with formula—that’s what I was raised on, and I arguably turned out okay, so I felt pretty good about the combo. My friend Virginia Sole-Smith is writing a book called The Eating Instinct on this topic, and the philosophy she subscribes to is this: “Fed is best.” What was it like? Hardest, best thing I’ve done. Nursing was a full-time job in addition to my actual full-time job, and it’s all on you. It felt nonstop, like I was always running a marathon. I was ravenously hungry and thirsty. She was literally draining the energy out of me! At a few months old, she started sleeping through the night but I was still up because my confused, engorged boobs were on fire. I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I had a love-hate relationship with the pump, I had plugged ducts, I bled. Despite how this all sounds, I enjoyed it. We were good at it, it was beautiful, it was a wonder my 30Cs could sustain her. But it was definitely a factor in my being one-and-done. I can’t imagine doing that for another year, and I also couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. Bravado Designs Ballet Nursing Bra What did it do to you physically and emotionally? My boobs never looked bigger or better. At the end, though, they were smaller and softer. It was all-consuming: Was I doing it right? Was she getting enough? How could I produce more? The last thing I needed to be doing in my precious little free time was baking lactation cookies and trying to source Mother’s Milk Tea, but that’s what I did. It made me ruthlessly goal-oriented. Any memorable stories? I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of a car driving slowly through Times Square. When weaning, I stuffed cabbage leaves in my bra to soothe the soreness. (It’s a thing.) Warm, wilting cabbage is rarely a good look. Or scent. Where did you get support? Google at 4 AM, mostly. Skip the childbirth class; take a lactation class! What was your nursing bra must-have? With so many size fluctuations, the last thing I wanted to deal with was figuring out bra size—this was before I knew the Bra Fit Experts could do it for me! So stretchy size smalls, like the Bravado Designs Ballet Wire-Free Nursing Bra, did the trick. Source link

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Though it seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, nursing a baby can feel like anything but. These days, when something as benign as feeding your infant is so fraught (politicized, even), it’s reassuring to hear a few wise words from women who have been there, lived that. In honor of World Breastfeeding Awareness Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we present the good, the bad and the in-between about what it’s really like to sustain a tiny human with your own two boobs. Eight Bare Necessities staffers looked back—some many years, some to this morning—to bring you their best, most honest breastfeeding real talk. File all this knowledge under “things nobody ever tells you….” Heather and Emma Heather, premium brands buyer and mom of Vivian, 4, and Emma, 5 monthsHow long did you nurse?  Four months. I would have continued if working from home was possible. Now I’m just nursing before and after work. How did you make the decision? It’s ingrained that breast is best, so there were no other options. The minute the lactation nurse walks through the door, you’re made to feel guilty if you even want to consider formula. What’s it like? I pumped and nursed with my first, to no set schedule, and weaned after 2.5 months. This time, I pumped mainly and nursed occasionally. I hated pumping—it’s tedious—but it’s satisfying knowing exactly how much milk your child is getting. It was tough to plan anything because life revolved around that pump. I was doing power pumps every other day the first month, which takes an hour; on top of that, I was eating and drinking lactation foods all day long. Freya Pure Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I would get this terrible feeling of being frightened at night; a wave of anxiety would rush through me. At first I thought, I’m just hearing noises; don’t be a scaredy-cat. But it happened every night and into the morning until I pumped. One night I Googled anxiety for the first few minutes of pumping. Can you believe it’s an actual condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex? It’s a glitch in the mechanism that allows milk to flow that can cause negative emotions at letdown. I wish people talked about this because I felt so alone explaining it. I also have to mention the loss of breast tissue after breastfeeding. I went from a G-cup to an E. They turn into pancakes. Any memorable stories? The priest came while my cousin was visiting me in the hospital. There I was in a nightgown, pumping and receiving communion. What was your nursing bra must-have? The Freya Pure Nursing T-Shirt Bra. I love that it’s a spacer bra, so it’s soft but still gives a great shape. I’ve been wearing it almost every day, and no one has noticed. Caitlin and Raegan Caitlin, merchandise planner and mom of Raegan, 6 monthsHow long do you expect to nurse? I’m hoping until she’s one. She was exclusively breastfed until we recently introduced solids. Wouldn’t it be nice never to buy formula? How did you make the decision? I went in with no expectations. I had heard it all, wonderful experiences to horror stories. Leading up to her birth I said, “We’re going to try. If it works, it works.” What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Everyone had their own opinions and experiences: the lactation consultants, pediatricians, OBs, nurses. Those passionate experts were, at times, in conflict. I tried to take it all in, but it can drive you crazy. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut and do whatever’s best for you and baby—and what you decide works best today can change tomorrow. Let yourself be open and understanding, even with yourself. There’s no rulebook. What has it been like? A struggle in the beginning, but we got over the hump. No one ever warned me of how excruciating milk coming in would be! Heads up, mamas, that is zero fun but, like everything else, this too shall pass. Cake Lingerie Toffee nursing tank Any memorable stories? I once pumped in a popular New York restaurant where there’s a single bathroom and no outlet! The manual pump took forever. When I finally emerged, there was a massive line outside the door. I’m pretty sure the next person to go in held their nose in case. What’s your best advice? Don’t hesitate to use the lactation consultants. I couldn’t have done it without them. If they leave your room, don’t suffer in silence; call them back! A few days after we got home, I returned to the hospital for more lessons. They’re there to help. What is your nursing bra must-have? At first, I lived in Cake Lingerie nursing tanks. When I started leaving the house again, I graduated to a real bra. I still love the Panache Eleanor. It’s a spacer so it’s light and perfect for summer. I like that it fits me great before and after feeding. Tracy and Dylan Tracy, assistant buyer and mom of Amanda, 22, Brian, 19 and Dylan, 16How long did you nurse? All three for a year each. Right around that first birthday, they seemed ready to be done. How did you make the decision? I assumed I would use formula because that’s how my mom fed me. Breastfeeding wasn’t in fashion then, but when I gave birth, there was a movement to encourage it. The nurse asked if I wanted to try, and I said, “I guess so.” I thought I’d nurse for a few days. Before I knew it, it’d been a year. Other than deciding to become a mom, it was the best decision I ever made. My motivation was to provide nutrients and immunity. Little did I know it would also simplify life. How convenient to never wash bottles, prep formula or carry food—I was the food. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? It was seeing a resurgence. Some friends didn’t understand why I was such a proponent, but it can be hard to comprehend something until you experience it. You can’t just convince someone to nurse: The mother has to want to, and the baby has to be able to. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. What was it like? It was like having a superpower: When the kids were cranky or sick, I could console them. I believe it had lasting positive effects on our relationships. Yes, there were times I struggled. I experienced painful mastitis, and it meant I was restricted—if my friends were going out, my response had to be, “Sorry, I have to be here to feed the baby.” Truth is, even though it may not always have felt like it then, the time flies, and I never took those moments for granted. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? Nursing has positive effects on moms, too. I was more well endowed than ever. It helped my body return to its pre-pregnancy shape more quickly. The sensation of a letdown, when your baby is ready to feed, is indescribably powerful. Like feeling your baby kick during pregnancy, your milk coming in is like magic. It’s a miracle that your body can produce the food that your baby needs to survive—a literal lifeline. Any memorable stories? Friends and family joke that certain topics are taboo around me. Breastfeeding used to be one of them. That changed quickly! I nursed walking through Disney World. I nursed in the middle of Yankee Stadium. If my babies were hungry, I fed them. No one ever had a negative word to say about it. Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra Where did you get support? The What to Expect series was my bible. If the baby woke up in the night, my husband would always go get him or her. By the time I had my third, my older kids would help. They loved it because they knew it meant we would get to sit and read. My mom was a huge proponent of my decision. My sister cheered me on and, having seen how great it was for me, went on to nurse my nephews. What’s your best advice? 1) Stick with it, even if it’s tough in the beginning. It gets better, I promise. 2) Trust your gut. If your baby is hungry, don’t worry if you just fed her. Your body will tell you when it’s time, not the clock. 3) Enjoy the process. Savor each moment of snuggle time. What was your nursing bra must-have? Even—and maybe especially—nursing moms deserve to feel sexy. I love the Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra. It doesn’t look or feel like a typical nursing bra. Thankfully, they’ve come a long way! Amber and Houston Amber, controller and mom of Houston, 2How long did you nurse? Houston went 11 months. Then we started cow’s milk, and he was weaned at 14 months. How did you make the decision? I knew before giving birth I wanted to try. My mom did it for the first year with her three children while working full-time and having to use a manual pump—still amazed by that—so I knew it was doable. Wacoal Nursing T-Shirt Bra What was it like? The bond I felt with my son was the biggest pro. They were definitely some of the most content moments I’ve had with him. I didn’t expect to miss nursing as much as I did when it was over. The biggest con was that it could be isolating. I felt comfortable nursing in front of certain people, but pumping was something I never did around anyone and, as a full-time working mom, I had no choice. I would often end up pumping in my car in the parking lot. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? The pounds came off quick. After a year, I was 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. Your boobs aren’t the same, though! Emotionally, it helped keep my hormones in check. It could be that taking those pauses throughout the day was better for my emotional state then I realized at the time. What was your nursing bra must-have? A lacy nursing bra can make you feel more confident, and a nursing tank is perfect for around the house. Jessica, photo retoucher and mom of Liam, 4How long did you nurse? About a month, plus I pumped enough for another month. I stopped due to the pain. Nobody tells you it really hurts for some people. I also didn’t produce a lot of milk, despite trying everything to make it come in more. Bravado Designs Body Silk Nursing Bra How did you make the decision? I knew the nutrients in breastmilk were key to helping baby develop immunity. I initially looked forward to it, thinking I wanted to give him that opportunity. The benefits for us both seemed like a no-brainer. After my son was born, I got conflicting advice from different lactation nurses and groups. Don’t pump right away; pump as much as you can; eat this; don’t eat that. Despite trying to follow all the advice, I wasn’t producing enough. My son was always hungry and crying no matter what I did. He was also tongue-tied. I had no clue what that was and didn’t find out until later. I ended up using formula, and we were both much happier. What was it like? It was painful, and I felt horrible that I wasn’t able to produce enough milk. What’s your best advice? Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it. It’s a personal choice, and feeding formula is totally fine. If you can nurse without issues, more power to you, but don’t let anyone put you down for choosing not to breastfeed. It was amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I got from strangers telling me how to raise my child. Ignore it. What was your nursing bra must-have? I preferred a bra like the Bravado Designs Body Silk Wire-Free Nursing Bra. It was comfortable to sleep in and no fuss to deal with. Justina and Madeleine Justina, product merchandising coordinator and mom of Matthew, 6, and Madeleine, 3How long did you nurse? Three months with my son, two months with my daughter. How did you make the decision? You read up on all this stuff during your pregnancy, and phrases like “liquid gold” stick in your mind. It’s imparted into you to want to breastfeed and provide this little person with the most your body has to offer…for at least as long as you can bear it. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? “Breast is best!” Apparently, it’s every maternity wing slogan. What was it like? I was elated every time. With my son, it was about those moments he would never remember and I would never forget. With my daughter, it was more difficult. There were latch issues from day one, which I resolved by offering both breast and formula. I pumped more—exhausting! I thought I’d breastfeed for a year, but it wasn’t in me to juggle it with going back to work. That was the saddest part, the end of an era. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it! Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I felt insanely empowered. In a way, I fell in love with my body for the first time. I admired it. This body went on a journey that will forever leave me feeling stronger than I ever felt in my youth. I sustained life. That’s a sobering thought! Any memorable stories? Matthew started crying one night. When I turned the bottle upside-down to feed him, instead of taking the cap off, I unscrewed the whole top. Needless to say, there more screaming after that. Poor baby was gasping for breath as I soaked him in an entire bottle of milk. What’s your best advice? Read up on it a little but really, rely on instinct. You’ll know what to do. And get some great pajamas because you’re about to be living in them! What was your nursing bra must-have? Hands down the Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra! I know many women want wire-free foam, but I disagree. With a bra that fits properly—meaning the correct size no matter how ludicrous you think it may be—you’ll never feel the underwire. Too much foam makes nursing uncomfortable for you and the baby. Ultra-thin microfiber tucks away nicely, never disrupting your flow or baby’s meal. How would you like all that stuff leaning against your face while you’re eating?! Brandi, Bra Fit Expert and mom of Elizabeth, 12, and Rebecca, 8How long did you nurse? My first daughter only nursed for about a month. My younger daughter nursed for a year. Cake Lingerie Croissant Nursing Bra What was it like? My first didn’t take to nursing at all. I was devastated. She ended up formula-fed, which worked out just as well. Anyone could give her a bottle and, when she was old enough, she could hold it by herself. My younger was exclusively breastfed. The only downside was that she refused to take a bottle, so I was the only person who could feed her. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? My breasts are definitely more shallow. It forced me to watch what I ate; certain foods might make her fussy. I dropped the weight a lot faster. Emotionally, I loved that time. Every feeding was a one-on-one experience that couldn’t be rushed. As amazing as it was, nursing was exhausting. I felt like she was always hungry and I was feeding her constantly. Any memorable stories? A lot of nursing rooms are adjacent to restrooms. At one mall, the nursing area shared a wall with those jet-propelled hand dryers. Every time someone would dry their hands, my daughter would startle and stop eating! It was funny at first but got old fast. Where did you get support? Unfortunately, I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to for advice. I had to figure a lot out for myself. Talk to family or friends who have breastfed. If you don’t have any, ask your hospital if they know of any breastfeeding groups. Online support groups are good, but find one with a moderator. Tired, hormonal moms can be a bit snippy. What was your nursing bra must-have? I wish I had known about Bare Necessities! I was in a very ill-fitting nursing bra from a well-known maternity store. It was awful, and I would only wear it if I had to leave the house. I think the most versatile bras have many hook-and-eye closures. Cake Lingerie offers six columns! These should fit snugly on the middle set of hooks early in pregnancy. As your ribcage expands, you’ll be able to let that bra out; as everything moves back into place after the baby is born, you’ll be able to tighten the band again for proper support. Brooke and Eva Brooke, editor and mom of Eva, 5 How long did you nurse? We made it 11 months, when she dropped me like a bad habit. My goal was a year, so I call that a win. How did you make the decision? I wanted to make a go of breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) Luckily, she took to it right away, which is still not to say it was easy. We tried every hold and latch and probably invented a few. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Eva was born in the organic, Earth Mama era. When my supply dipped around seven months, we started supplementing with formula—that’s what I was raised on, and I arguably turned out okay, so I felt pretty good about the combo. My friend Virginia Sole-Smith is writing a book called The Eating Instinct on this topic, and the philosophy she subscribes to is this: “Fed is best.” What was it like? Hardest, best thing I’ve done. Nursing was a full-time job in addition to my actual full-time job, and it’s all on you. It felt nonstop, like I was always running a marathon. I was ravenously hungry and thirsty. She was literally draining the energy out of me! At a few months old, she started sleeping through the night but I was still up because my confused, engorged boobs were on fire. I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I had a love-hate relationship with the pump, I had plugged ducts, I bled. Despite how this all sounds, I enjoyed it. We were good at it, it was beautiful, it was a wonder my 30Cs could sustain her. But it was definitely a factor in my being one-and-done. I can’t imagine doing that for another year, and I also couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. Bravado Designs Ballet Nursing Bra What did it do to you physically and emotionally? My boobs never looked bigger or better. At the end, though, they were smaller and softer. It was all-consuming: Was I doing it right? Was she getting enough? How could I produce more? The last thing I needed to be doing in my precious little free time was baking lactation cookies and trying to source Mother’s Milk Tea, but that’s what I did. It made me ruthlessly goal-oriented. Any memorable stories? I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of a car driving slowly through Times Square. When weaning, I stuffed cabbage leaves in my bra to soothe the soreness. (It’s a thing.) Warm, wilting cabbage is rarely a good look. Or scent. Where did you get support? Google at 4 AM, mostly. Skip the childbirth class; take a lactation class! What was your nursing bra must-have? With so many size fluctuations, the last thing I wanted to deal with was figuring out bra size—this was before I knew the Bra Fit Experts could do it for me! So stretchy size smalls, like the Bravado Designs Ballet Wire-Free Nursing Bra, did the trick. Source link

[chilimili212]

Though it seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, nursing a baby can feel like anything but. These days, when something as benign as feeding your infant is so fraught (politicized, even), it’s reassuring to hear a few wise words from women who have been there, lived that. In honor of World Breastfeeding Awareness Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we present the good, the bad and the in-between about what it’s really like to sustain a tiny human with your own two boobs. Eight Bare Necessities staffers looked back—some many years, some to this morning—to bring you their best, most honest breastfeeding real talk. File all this knowledge under “things nobody ever tells you….” Heather and Emma Heather, premium brands buyer and mom of Vivian, 4, and Emma, 5 monthsHow long did you nurse?  Four months. I would have continued if working from home was possible. Now I’m just nursing before and after work. How did you make the decision? It’s ingrained that breast is best, so there were no other options. The minute the lactation nurse walks through the door, you’re made to feel guilty if you even want to consider formula. What’s it like? I pumped and nursed with my first, to no set schedule, and weaned after 2.5 months. This time, I pumped mainly and nursed occasionally. I hated pumping—it’s tedious—but it’s satisfying knowing exactly how much milk your child is getting. It was tough to plan anything because life revolved around that pump. I was doing power pumps every other day the first month, which takes an hour; on top of that, I was eating and drinking lactation foods all day long. Freya Pure Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I would get this terrible feeling of being frightened at night; a wave of anxiety would rush through me. At first I thought, I’m just hearing noises; don’t be a scaredy-cat. But it happened every night and into the morning until I pumped. One night I Googled anxiety for the first few minutes of pumping. Can you believe it’s an actual condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex? It’s a glitch in the mechanism that allows milk to flow that can cause negative emotions at letdown. I wish people talked about this because I felt so alone explaining it. I also have to mention the loss of breast tissue after breastfeeding. I went from a G-cup to an E. They turn into pancakes. Any memorable stories? The priest came while my cousin was visiting me in the hospital. There I was in a nightgown, pumping and receiving communion. What was your nursing bra must-have? The Freya Pure Nursing T-Shirt Bra. I love that it’s a spacer bra, so it’s soft but still gives a great shape. I’ve been wearing it almost every day, and no one has noticed. Caitlin and Raegan Caitlin, merchandise planner and mom of Raegan, 6 monthsHow long do you expect to nurse? I’m hoping until she’s one. She was exclusively breastfed until we recently introduced solids. Wouldn’t it be nice never to buy formula? How did you make the decision? I went in with no expectations. I had heard it all, wonderful experiences to horror stories. Leading up to her birth I said, “We’re going to try. If it works, it works.” What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Everyone had their own opinions and experiences: the lactation consultants, pediatricians, OBs, nurses. Those passionate experts were, at times, in conflict. I tried to take it all in, but it can drive you crazy. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut and do whatever’s best for you and baby—and what you decide works best today can change tomorrow. Let yourself be open and understanding, even with yourself. There’s no rulebook. What has it been like? A struggle in the beginning, but we got over the hump. No one ever warned me of how excruciating milk coming in would be! Heads up, mamas, that is zero fun but, like everything else, this too shall pass. Cake Lingerie Toffee nursing tank Any memorable stories? I once pumped in a popular New York restaurant where there’s a single bathroom and no outlet! The manual pump took forever. When I finally emerged, there was a massive line outside the door. I’m pretty sure the next person to go in held their nose in case. What’s your best advice? Don’t hesitate to use the lactation consultants. I couldn’t have done it without them. If they leave your room, don’t suffer in silence; call them back! A few days after we got home, I returned to the hospital for more lessons. They’re there to help. What is your nursing bra must-have? At first, I lived in Cake Lingerie nursing tanks. When I started leaving the house again, I graduated to a real bra. I still love the Panache Eleanor. It’s a spacer so it’s light and perfect for summer. I like that it fits me great before and after feeding. Tracy and Dylan Tracy, assistant buyer and mom of Amanda, 22, Brian, 19 and Dylan, 16How long did you nurse? All three for a year each. Right around that first birthday, they seemed ready to be done. How did you make the decision? I assumed I would use formula because that’s how my mom fed me. Breastfeeding wasn’t in fashion then, but when I gave birth, there was a movement to encourage it. The nurse asked if I wanted to try, and I said, “I guess so.” I thought I’d nurse for a few days. Before I knew it, it’d been a year. Other than deciding to become a mom, it was the best decision I ever made. My motivation was to provide nutrients and immunity. Little did I know it would also simplify life. How convenient to never wash bottles, prep formula or carry food—I was the food. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? It was seeing a resurgence. Some friends didn’t understand why I was such a proponent, but it can be hard to comprehend something until you experience it. You can’t just convince someone to nurse: The mother has to want to, and the baby has to be able to. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. What was it like? It was like having a superpower: When the kids were cranky or sick, I could console them. I believe it had lasting positive effects on our relationships. Yes, there were times I struggled. I experienced painful mastitis, and it meant I was restricted—if my friends were going out, my response had to be, “Sorry, I have to be here to feed the baby.” Truth is, even though it may not always have felt like it then, the time flies, and I never took those moments for granted. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? Nursing has positive effects on moms, too. I was more well endowed than ever. It helped my body return to its pre-pregnancy shape more quickly. The sensation of a letdown, when your baby is ready to feed, is indescribably powerful. Like feeling your baby kick during pregnancy, your milk coming in is like magic. It’s a miracle that your body can produce the food that your baby needs to survive—a literal lifeline. Any memorable stories? Friends and family joke that certain topics are taboo around me. Breastfeeding used to be one of them. That changed quickly! I nursed walking through Disney World. I nursed in the middle of Yankee Stadium. If my babies were hungry, I fed them. No one ever had a negative word to say about it. Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra Where did you get support? The What to Expect series was my bible. If the baby woke up in the night, my husband would always go get him or her. By the time I had my third, my older kids would help. They loved it because they knew it meant we would get to sit and read. My mom was a huge proponent of my decision. My sister cheered me on and, having seen how great it was for me, went on to nurse my nephews. What’s your best advice? 1) Stick with it, even if it’s tough in the beginning. It gets better, I promise. 2) Trust your gut. If your baby is hungry, don’t worry if you just fed her. Your body will tell you when it’s time, not the clock. 3) Enjoy the process. Savor each moment of snuggle time. What was your nursing bra must-have? Even—and maybe especially—nursing moms deserve to feel sexy. I love the Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra. It doesn’t look or feel like a typical nursing bra. Thankfully, they’ve come a long way! Amber and Houston Amber, controller and mom of Houston, 2How long did you nurse? Houston went 11 months. Then we started cow’s milk, and he was weaned at 14 months. How did you make the decision? I knew before giving birth I wanted to try. My mom did it for the first year with her three children while working full-time and having to use a manual pump—still amazed by that—so I knew it was doable. Wacoal Nursing T-Shirt Bra What was it like? The bond I felt with my son was the biggest pro. They were definitely some of the most content moments I’ve had with him. I didn’t expect to miss nursing as much as I did when it was over. The biggest con was that it could be isolating. I felt comfortable nursing in front of certain people, but pumping was something I never did around anyone and, as a full-time working mom, I had no choice. I would often end up pumping in my car in the parking lot. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? The pounds came off quick. After a year, I was 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. Your boobs aren’t the same, though! Emotionally, it helped keep my hormones in check. It could be that taking those pauses throughout the day was better for my emotional state then I realized at the time. What was your nursing bra must-have? A lacy nursing bra can make you feel more confident, and a nursing tank is perfect for around the house. Jessica, photo retoucher and mom of Liam, 4How long did you nurse? About a month, plus I pumped enough for another month. I stopped due to the pain. Nobody tells you it really hurts for some people. I also didn’t produce a lot of milk, despite trying everything to make it come in more. Bravado Designs Body Silk Nursing Bra How did you make the decision? I knew the nutrients in breastmilk were key to helping baby develop immunity. I initially looked forward to it, thinking I wanted to give him that opportunity. The benefits for us both seemed like a no-brainer. After my son was born, I got conflicting advice from different lactation nurses and groups. Don’t pump right away; pump as much as you can; eat this; don’t eat that. Despite trying to follow all the advice, I wasn’t producing enough. My son was always hungry and crying no matter what I did. He was also tongue-tied. I had no clue what that was and didn’t find out until later. I ended up using formula, and we were both much happier. What was it like? It was painful, and I felt horrible that I wasn’t able to produce enough milk. What’s your best advice? Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it. It’s a personal choice, and feeding formula is totally fine. If you can nurse without issues, more power to you, but don’t let anyone put you down for choosing not to breastfeed. It was amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I got from strangers telling me how to raise my child. Ignore it. What was your nursing bra must-have? I preferred a bra like the Bravado Designs Body Silk Wire-Free Nursing Bra. It was comfortable to sleep in and no fuss to deal with. Justina and Madeleine Justina, product merchandising coordinator and mom of Matthew, 6, and Madeleine, 3How long did you nurse? Three months with my son, two months with my daughter. How did you make the decision? You read up on all this stuff during your pregnancy, and phrases like “liquid gold” stick in your mind. It’s imparted into you to want to breastfeed and provide this little person with the most your body has to offer…for at least as long as you can bear it. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? “Breast is best!” Apparently, it’s every maternity wing slogan. What was it like? I was elated every time. With my son, it was about those moments he would never remember and I would never forget. With my daughter, it was more difficult. There were latch issues from day one, which I resolved by offering both breast and formula. I pumped more—exhausting! I thought I’d breastfeed for a year, but it wasn’t in me to juggle it with going back to work. That was the saddest part, the end of an era. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it! Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I felt insanely empowered. In a way, I fell in love with my body for the first time. I admired it. This body went on a journey that will forever leave me feeling stronger than I ever felt in my youth. I sustained life. That’s a sobering thought! Any memorable stories? Matthew started crying one night. When I turned the bottle upside-down to feed him, instead of taking the cap off, I unscrewed the whole top. Needless to say, there more screaming after that. Poor baby was gasping for breath as I soaked him in an entire bottle of milk. What’s your best advice? Read up on it a little but really, rely on instinct. You’ll know what to do. And get some great pajamas because you’re about to be living in them! What was your nursing bra must-have? Hands down the Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra! I know many women want wire-free foam, but I disagree. With a bra that fits properly—meaning the correct size no matter how ludicrous you think it may be—you’ll never feel the underwire. Too much foam makes nursing uncomfortable for you and the baby. Ultra-thin microfiber tucks away nicely, never disrupting your flow or baby’s meal. How would you like all that stuff leaning against your face while you’re eating?! Brandi, Bra Fit Expert and mom of Elizabeth, 12, and Rebecca, 8How long did you nurse? My first daughter only nursed for about a month. My younger daughter nursed for a year. Cake Lingerie Croissant Nursing Bra What was it like? My first didn’t take to nursing at all. I was devastated. She ended up formula-fed, which worked out just as well. Anyone could give her a bottle and, when she was old enough, she could hold it by herself. My younger was exclusively breastfed. The only downside was that she refused to take a bottle, so I was the only person who could feed her. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? My breasts are definitely more shallow. It forced me to watch what I ate; certain foods might make her fussy. I dropped the weight a lot faster. Emotionally, I loved that time. Every feeding was a one-on-one experience that couldn’t be rushed. As amazing as it was, nursing was exhausting. I felt like she was always hungry and I was feeding her constantly. Any memorable stories? A lot of nursing rooms are adjacent to restrooms. At one mall, the nursing area shared a wall with those jet-propelled hand dryers. Every time someone would dry their hands, my daughter would startle and stop eating! It was funny at first but got old fast. Where did you get support? Unfortunately, I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to for advice. I had to figure a lot out for myself. Talk to family or friends who have breastfed. If you don’t have any, ask your hospital if they know of any breastfeeding groups. Online support groups are good, but find one with a moderator. Tired, hormonal moms can be a bit snippy. What was your nursing bra must-have? I wish I had known about Bare Necessities! I was in a very ill-fitting nursing bra from a well-known maternity store. It was awful, and I would only wear it if I had to leave the house. I think the most versatile bras have many hook-and-eye closures. Cake Lingerie offers six columns! These should fit snugly on the middle set of hooks early in pregnancy. As your ribcage expands, you’ll be able to let that bra out; as everything moves back into place after the baby is born, you’ll be able to tighten the band again for proper support. Brooke and Eva Brooke, editor and mom of Eva, 5 How long did you nurse? We made it 11 months, when she dropped me like a bad habit. My goal was a year, so I call that a win. How did you make the decision? I wanted to make a go of breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) Luckily, she took to it right away, which is still not to say it was easy. We tried every hold and latch and probably invented a few. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Eva was born in the organic, Earth Mama era. When my supply dipped around seven months, we started supplementing with formula—that’s what I was raised on, and I arguably turned out okay, so I felt pretty good about the combo. My friend Virginia Sole-Smith is writing a book called The Eating Instinct on this topic, and the philosophy she subscribes to is this: “Fed is best.” What was it like? Hardest, best thing I’ve done. Nursing was a full-time job in addition to my actual full-time job, and it’s all on you. It felt nonstop, like I was always running a marathon. I was ravenously hungry and thirsty. She was literally draining the energy out of me! At a few months old, she started sleeping through the night but I was still up because my confused, engorged boobs were on fire. I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I had a love-hate relationship with the pump, I had plugged ducts, I bled. Despite how this all sounds, I enjoyed it. We were good at it, it was beautiful, it was a wonder my 30Cs could sustain her. But it was definitely a factor in my being one-and-done. I can’t imagine doing that for another year, and I also couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. Bravado Designs Ballet Nursing Bra What did it do to you physically and emotionally? My boobs never looked bigger or better. At the end, though, they were smaller and softer. It was all-consuming: Was I doing it right? Was she getting enough? How could I produce more? The last thing I needed to be doing in my precious little free time was baking lactation cookies and trying to source Mother’s Milk Tea, but that’s what I did. It made me ruthlessly goal-oriented. Any memorable stories? I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of a car driving slowly through Times Square. When weaning, I stuffed cabbage leaves in my bra to soothe the soreness. (It’s a thing.) Warm, wilting cabbage is rarely a good look. Or scent. Where did you get support? Google at 4 AM, mostly. Skip the childbirth class; take a lactation class! What was your nursing bra must-have? With so many size fluctuations, the last thing I wanted to deal with was figuring out bra size—this was before I knew the Bra Fit Experts could do it for me! So stretchy size smalls, like the Bravado Designs Ballet Wire-Free Nursing Bra, did the trick. Source link

[oliviajoyice21]

Though it seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world, nursing a baby can feel like anything but. These days, when something as benign as feeding your infant is so fraught (politicized, even), it’s reassuring to hear a few wise words from women who have been there, lived that. In honor of World Breastfeeding Awareness Week and National Breastfeeding Month, we present the good, the bad and the in-between about what it’s really like to sustain a tiny human with your own two boobs. Eight Bare Necessities staffers looked back—some many years, some to this morning—to bring you their best, most honest breastfeeding real talk. File all this knowledge under “things nobody ever tells you….” Heather and Emma Heather, premium brands buyer and mom of Vivian, 4, and Emma, 5 monthsHow long did you nurse?  Four months. I would have continued if working from home was possible. Now I’m just nursing before and after work. How did you make the decision? It’s ingrained that breast is best, so there were no other options. The minute the lactation nurse walks through the door, you’re made to feel guilty if you even want to consider formula. What’s it like? I pumped and nursed with my first, to no set schedule, and weaned after 2.5 months. This time, I pumped mainly and nursed occasionally. I hated pumping—it’s tedious—but it’s satisfying knowing exactly how much milk your child is getting. It was tough to plan anything because life revolved around that pump. I was doing power pumps every other day the first month, which takes an hour; on top of that, I was eating and drinking lactation foods all day long. Freya Pure Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I would get this terrible feeling of being frightened at night; a wave of anxiety would rush through me. At first I thought, I’m just hearing noises; don’t be a scaredy-cat. But it happened every night and into the morning until I pumped. One night I Googled anxiety for the first few minutes of pumping. Can you believe it’s an actual condition called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex? It’s a glitch in the mechanism that allows milk to flow that can cause negative emotions at letdown. I wish people talked about this because I felt so alone explaining it. I also have to mention the loss of breast tissue after breastfeeding. I went from a G-cup to an E. They turn into pancakes. Any memorable stories? The priest came while my cousin was visiting me in the hospital. There I was in a nightgown, pumping and receiving communion. What was your nursing bra must-have? The Freya Pure Nursing T-Shirt Bra. I love that it’s a spacer bra, so it’s soft but still gives a great shape. I’ve been wearing it almost every day, and no one has noticed. Caitlin and Raegan Caitlin, merchandise planner and mom of Raegan, 6 monthsHow long do you expect to nurse? I’m hoping until she’s one. She was exclusively breastfed until we recently introduced solids. Wouldn’t it be nice never to buy formula? How did you make the decision? I went in with no expectations. I had heard it all, wonderful experiences to horror stories. Leading up to her birth I said, “We’re going to try. If it works, it works.” What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Everyone had their own opinions and experiences: the lactation consultants, pediatricians, OBs, nurses. Those passionate experts were, at times, in conflict. I tried to take it all in, but it can drive you crazy. Ultimately, you have to go with your gut and do whatever’s best for you and baby—and what you decide works best today can change tomorrow. Let yourself be open and understanding, even with yourself. There’s no rulebook. What has it been like? A struggle in the beginning, but we got over the hump. No one ever warned me of how excruciating milk coming in would be! Heads up, mamas, that is zero fun but, like everything else, this too shall pass. Cake Lingerie Toffee nursing tank Any memorable stories? I once pumped in a popular New York restaurant where there’s a single bathroom and no outlet! The manual pump took forever. When I finally emerged, there was a massive line outside the door. I’m pretty sure the next person to go in held their nose in case. What’s your best advice? Don’t hesitate to use the lactation consultants. I couldn’t have done it without them. If they leave your room, don’t suffer in silence; call them back! A few days after we got home, I returned to the hospital for more lessons. They’re there to help. What is your nursing bra must-have? At first, I lived in Cake Lingerie nursing tanks. When I started leaving the house again, I graduated to a real bra. I still love the Panache Eleanor. It’s a spacer so it’s light and perfect for summer. I like that it fits me great before and after feeding. Tracy and Dylan Tracy, assistant buyer and mom of Amanda, 22, Brian, 19 and Dylan, 16How long did you nurse? All three for a year each. Right around that first birthday, they seemed ready to be done. How did you make the decision? I assumed I would use formula because that’s how my mom fed me. Breastfeeding wasn’t in fashion then, but when I gave birth, there was a movement to encourage it. The nurse asked if I wanted to try, and I said, “I guess so.” I thought I’d nurse for a few days. Before I knew it, it’d been a year. Other than deciding to become a mom, it was the best decision I ever made. My motivation was to provide nutrients and immunity. Little did I know it would also simplify life. How convenient to never wash bottles, prep formula or carry food—I was the food. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? It was seeing a resurgence. Some friends didn’t understand why I was such a proponent, but it can be hard to comprehend something until you experience it. You can’t just convince someone to nurse: The mother has to want to, and the baby has to be able to. It doesn’t always work out, and that’s fine. What was it like? It was like having a superpower: When the kids were cranky or sick, I could console them. I believe it had lasting positive effects on our relationships. Yes, there were times I struggled. I experienced painful mastitis, and it meant I was restricted—if my friends were going out, my response had to be, “Sorry, I have to be here to feed the baby.” Truth is, even though it may not always have felt like it then, the time flies, and I never took those moments for granted. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? Nursing has positive effects on moms, too. I was more well endowed than ever. It helped my body return to its pre-pregnancy shape more quickly. The sensation of a letdown, when your baby is ready to feed, is indescribably powerful. Like feeling your baby kick during pregnancy, your milk coming in is like magic. It’s a miracle that your body can produce the food that your baby needs to survive—a literal lifeline. Any memorable stories? Friends and family joke that certain topics are taboo around me. Breastfeeding used to be one of them. That changed quickly! I nursed walking through Disney World. I nursed in the middle of Yankee Stadium. If my babies were hungry, I fed them. No one ever had a negative word to say about it. Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra Where did you get support? The What to Expect series was my bible. If the baby woke up in the night, my husband would always go get him or her. By the time I had my third, my older kids would help. They loved it because they knew it meant we would get to sit and read. My mom was a huge proponent of my decision. My sister cheered me on and, having seen how great it was for me, went on to nurse my nephews. What’s your best advice? 1) Stick with it, even if it’s tough in the beginning. It gets better, I promise. 2) Trust your gut. If your baby is hungry, don’t worry if you just fed her. Your body will tell you when it’s time, not the clock. 3) Enjoy the process. Savor each moment of snuggle time. What was your nursing bra must-have? Even—and maybe especially—nursing moms deserve to feel sexy. I love the Le Mystère Sexy Mama Nursing Bra. It doesn’t look or feel like a typical nursing bra. Thankfully, they’ve come a long way! Amber and Houston Amber, controller and mom of Houston, 2How long did you nurse? Houston went 11 months. Then we started cow’s milk, and he was weaned at 14 months. How did you make the decision? I knew before giving birth I wanted to try. My mom did it for the first year with her three children while working full-time and having to use a manual pump—still amazed by that—so I knew it was doable. Wacoal Nursing T-Shirt Bra What was it like? The bond I felt with my son was the biggest pro. They were definitely some of the most content moments I’ve had with him. I didn’t expect to miss nursing as much as I did when it was over. The biggest con was that it could be isolating. I felt comfortable nursing in front of certain people, but pumping was something I never did around anyone and, as a full-time working mom, I had no choice. I would often end up pumping in my car in the parking lot. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? The pounds came off quick. After a year, I was 10 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant. Your boobs aren’t the same, though! Emotionally, it helped keep my hormones in check. It could be that taking those pauses throughout the day was better for my emotional state then I realized at the time. What was your nursing bra must-have? A lacy nursing bra can make you feel more confident, and a nursing tank is perfect for around the house. Jessica, photo retoucher and mom of Liam, 4How long did you nurse? About a month, plus I pumped enough for another month. I stopped due to the pain. Nobody tells you it really hurts for some people. I also didn’t produce a lot of milk, despite trying everything to make it come in more. Bravado Designs Body Silk Nursing Bra How did you make the decision? I knew the nutrients in breastmilk were key to helping baby develop immunity. I initially looked forward to it, thinking I wanted to give him that opportunity. The benefits for us both seemed like a no-brainer. After my son was born, I got conflicting advice from different lactation nurses and groups. Don’t pump right away; pump as much as you can; eat this; don’t eat that. Despite trying to follow all the advice, I wasn’t producing enough. My son was always hungry and crying no matter what I did. He was also tongue-tied. I had no clue what that was and didn’t find out until later. I ended up using formula, and we were both much happier. What was it like? It was painful, and I felt horrible that I wasn’t able to produce enough milk. What’s your best advice? Don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it. It’s a personal choice, and feeding formula is totally fine. If you can nurse without issues, more power to you, but don’t let anyone put you down for choosing not to breastfeed. It was amazing to me how much unsolicited advice I got from strangers telling me how to raise my child. Ignore it. What was your nursing bra must-have? I preferred a bra like the Bravado Designs Body Silk Wire-Free Nursing Bra. It was comfortable to sleep in and no fuss to deal with. Justina and Madeleine Justina, product merchandising coordinator and mom of Matthew, 6, and Madeleine, 3How long did you nurse? Three months with my son, two months with my daughter. How did you make the decision? You read up on all this stuff during your pregnancy, and phrases like “liquid gold” stick in your mind. It’s imparted into you to want to breastfeed and provide this little person with the most your body has to offer…for at least as long as you can bear it. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? “Breast is best!” Apparently, it’s every maternity wing slogan. What was it like? I was elated every time. With my son, it was about those moments he would never remember and I would never forget. With my daughter, it was more difficult. There were latch issues from day one, which I resolved by offering both breast and formula. I pumped more—exhausting! I thought I’d breastfeed for a year, but it wasn’t in me to juggle it with going back to work. That was the saddest part, the end of an era. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it! Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? I felt insanely empowered. In a way, I fell in love with my body for the first time. I admired it. This body went on a journey that will forever leave me feeling stronger than I ever felt in my youth. I sustained life. That’s a sobering thought! Any memorable stories? Matthew started crying one night. When I turned the bottle upside-down to feed him, instead of taking the cap off, I unscrewed the whole top. Needless to say, there more screaming after that. Poor baby was gasping for breath as I soaked him in an entire bottle of milk. What’s your best advice? Read up on it a little but really, rely on instinct. You’ll know what to do. And get some great pajamas because you’re about to be living in them! What was your nursing bra must-have? Hands down the Anita Stretch Microfiber Nursing Bra! I know many women want wire-free foam, but I disagree. With a bra that fits properly—meaning the correct size no matter how ludicrous you think it may be—you’ll never feel the underwire. Too much foam makes nursing uncomfortable for you and the baby. Ultra-thin microfiber tucks away nicely, never disrupting your flow or baby’s meal. How would you like all that stuff leaning against your face while you’re eating?! Brandi, Bra Fit Expert and mom of Elizabeth, 12, and Rebecca, 8How long did you nurse? My first daughter only nursed for about a month. My younger daughter nursed for a year. Cake Lingerie Croissant Nursing Bra What was it like? My first didn’t take to nursing at all. I was devastated. She ended up formula-fed, which worked out just as well. Anyone could give her a bottle and, when she was old enough, she could hold it by herself. My younger was exclusively breastfed. The only downside was that she refused to take a bottle, so I was the only person who could feed her. What did nursing do to you physically and emotionally? My breasts are definitely more shallow. It forced me to watch what I ate; certain foods might make her fussy. I dropped the weight a lot faster. Emotionally, I loved that time. Every feeding was a one-on-one experience that couldn’t be rushed. As amazing as it was, nursing was exhausting. I felt like she was always hungry and I was feeding her constantly. Any memorable stories? A lot of nursing rooms are adjacent to restrooms. At one mall, the nursing area shared a wall with those jet-propelled hand dryers. Every time someone would dry their hands, my daughter would startle and stop eating! It was funny at first but got old fast. Where did you get support? Unfortunately, I didn’t have a ton of people to turn to for advice. I had to figure a lot out for myself. Talk to family or friends who have breastfed. If you don’t have any, ask your hospital if they know of any breastfeeding groups. Online support groups are good, but find one with a moderator. Tired, hormonal moms can be a bit snippy. What was your nursing bra must-have? I wish I had known about Bare Necessities! I was in a very ill-fitting nursing bra from a well-known maternity store. It was awful, and I would only wear it if I had to leave the house. I think the most versatile bras have many hook-and-eye closures. Cake Lingerie offers six columns! These should fit snugly on the middle set of hooks early in pregnancy. As your ribcage expands, you’ll be able to let that bra out; as everything moves back into place after the baby is born, you’ll be able to tighten the band again for proper support. Brooke and Eva Brooke, editor and mom of Eva, 5 How long did you nurse? We made it 11 months, when she dropped me like a bad habit. My goal was a year, so I call that a win. How did you make the decision? I wanted to make a go of breastfeeding, but if it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to beat myself up over it. (At least, that’s what I told myself.) Luckily, she took to it right away, which is still not to say it was easy. We tried every hold and latch and probably invented a few. What was the perception of breastfeeding at the time? Eva was born in the organic, Earth Mama era. When my supply dipped around seven months, we started supplementing with formula—that’s what I was raised on, and I arguably turned out okay, so I felt pretty good about the combo. My friend Virginia Sole-Smith is writing a book called The Eating Instinct on this topic, and the philosophy she subscribes to is this: “Fed is best.” What was it like? Hardest, best thing I’ve done. Nursing was a full-time job in addition to my actual full-time job, and it’s all on you. It felt nonstop, like I was always running a marathon. I was ravenously hungry and thirsty. She was literally draining the energy out of me! At a few months old, she started sleeping through the night but I was still up because my confused, engorged boobs were on fire. I just sat in the bathroom and cried. I had a love-hate relationship with the pump, I had plugged ducts, I bled. Despite how this all sounds, I enjoyed it. We were good at it, it was beautiful, it was a wonder my 30Cs could sustain her. But it was definitely a factor in my being one-and-done. I can’t imagine doing that for another year, and I also couldn’t imagine doing anything differently. Bravado Designs Ballet Nursing Bra What did it do to you physically and emotionally? My boobs never looked bigger or better. At the end, though, they were smaller and softer. It was all-consuming: Was I doing it right? Was she getting enough? How could I produce more? The last thing I needed to be doing in my precious little free time was baking lactation cookies and trying to source Mother’s Milk Tea, but that’s what I did. It made me ruthlessly goal-oriented. Any memorable stories? I’ve pumped in the passenger seat of a car driving slowly through Times Square. When weaning, I stuffed cabbage leaves in my bra to soothe the soreness. (It’s a thing.) Warm, wilting cabbage is rarely a good look. Or scent. Where did you get support? Google at 4 AM, mostly. Skip the childbirth class; take a lactation class! What was your nursing bra must-have? With so many size fluctuations, the last thing I wanted to deal with was figuring out bra size—this was before I knew the Bra Fit Experts could do it for me! So stretchy size smalls, like the Bravado Designs Ballet Wire-Free Nursing Bra, did the trick. Source link

[gay-bbq-dad]

I gotta fucking rant about the healthcare I've received since moving to this fucking city.

Went into the urgent care in November for an infected tattoo. Instead of talking to me about my tattoo and giving me antibiotics and sending me on my way she decided to rant at me about how I had high blood pressure and that testosterone hrt causes that. I could immediately tell she didn't fully understand hrt so I was like "yea cool I'll talk to my primary care about that" she told me it caused high blood pressure because my body is biologically female and it's fighting against the hormones I'm forcing upon it. I was fucking stunned. I didnt know how to explain that human bodies are crazy cool and will just accept cross sex hormones. Like lady. My voice dropped, I have a beard, I basically have a micro penis! My body just went along with it. So instead I said "I know testosterone can put me at the same risk as cis men for high cholesterol so I'll ask my doctor to order a test" and she didn't like that told me that I should consider just socially transitioning instead of hrt. She pointed out ingrown hairs from where my tattoo was shaved and she told me that testosterone can cause folliculitis and I told her that I've always had it that bad even before I had more arm hair. I made a joke that all my hair went from my head to my face and body. She looked horrified and asked "it's made you lose your hair?" I took of my hat and said "yea I'm 27 now. My hairline is like the men in my family" she was surprised that I had male pattern baldness beginning. I told her that it only really started when I was about 25 and I've been on T for almost 6 years so it made sense that I was losing it and that I knew that it might happen. She asked "you've been on testosterone for 6 years?" As if it were a miracle I was still alive before saying she was going to read up on hrt. Like. I hope she did. Because wow. That's some really strong bias there doc.

Last week I called my primary care about having startlingly high blood pressure pretty suddenly. She said that since I couldn't get in till January to go to the urgent care. So I did. They said that they couldn't do shit and that I should go to the emergency room. I was fine otherwise so no ambulance. No rush. I had a moment to talk. This nurse practitioner told me that she was concerned that the testosterone was the cause. Not that testosterone could be contributing to high cholesterol/ high blood pressure in conjunction with my other chronic health conditions and medications. No. Just the testosterone. So I went to the ER. Got an ekg. Nothing. Just high blood pressure. They said that my new allergy and asthma meds can all cause high blood pressure so those may be an issue. No asking about how compliant I am with sleep apnea treatment, no talking about how chronic pain and stress can cause high blood pressure if not managed, nothing about cholesterol, no asking about me exercise and eating habits, not even about nicotine. Nope. This doc tells me that she's really concerned about me taking T. I was so stressed and freaked out that I started to consider that it may be a problem. She sent me away with enough of a med to last to January and a recommendation to speak to my primary care about stopping T. I sat outside in the cold and cried because that's a horrifying thought to me. Later after calming down and thinking (and my husband assuring me) I realized that if I were a cis man, they wouldn't have recommended I get my balls ripped clean off and get on estrogen because testosterone was obviously the issue.

What ideas do every physician/nurse practitioner I've seen here have about trans people and hrt??? Where are they getting this from??? I've never had this issue outside of this fucking city! Am I even getting good and helpful medical care because it feels like I'm not being checked and treated for a lot of things because I'm trans. I don't have healthy habits in a lot of ways. You would thing that they would recommend a nutritionist, a pain management doctor, physical therapy, or so many things. Nah. I was diagnosed with transgenderim (derogatory).

[thelaughablelifeoflilly]

Loan a Laugh to Lilly!

To preface this blog post, I have to tell you that my personality is very boisterous, animated, eccentric, and, frankly, quite ostentatious. I am 100% myself at all times, regardless of who I'm communicating with. The story I'm going to tell, in particular, isn't for the faint-hearted or really anyone who doesn't enjoy crude content. Personally, I enjoy dark humor and tend to spend most days scrolling through Reddit (#iykyk). For anyone reading this, no matter what hardships you're going through in life, always remember to have a laugh and cherish the laughable moments with the people who laugh with you.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, I'll give a little backstory for this period of my life. 2022 was an INSANE and TRAGIC year for me. At the beginning of 2022, my grandma passed away (she was 96), my sister (we'll call her "The Colonel") kicked me out of her house (that broke our relationship for a while), and about a month after moving back home, my dad was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer metastasis to brain, spine, and ribs (May 2022). I was working at Target at the time in the style section and, initially, was enjoying my work. I felt like it gave me an outlet to get away from everything that was happening in my life, but evidently, the managers' requests became too demanding for my mental health. I mean, I was dealing with a physical death, the death of a sisterly bond, and the thought/possibility of my dad dying, and you expect me to have the energy to do four people's tasks by myself? NOT TO MENTION: my cat also died in December of 2021, my sister's dad (I considered him a fatherly figure) died in June of 2022, my best friend's wedding was coming up in August, and in September, my friend Mikey (who was in the wedding) passed away. You can't spell stress without S-T-R-E-S-S.

With me being overly stressed and mentally and physically exhausted from watching my dad die in front of me, I chose not to eat, and when I did eat, it wasn't a balanced meal (microwaved mac and cheese got me through life). The lack of nutrition and the amount of stress did damage to my body internally. TRIGGER WARNING: I found myself constantly having the "spooky dookies." I would use the restroom at Target anywhere from 5-10 times a shift. Sometimes I would be so dehydrated from shitting, that I would have to sit down because I would get dizzy. One day, I was working, and, like normal, I went to the restroom. I wiped and noticed there was a weird red substance on the toilet paper. Me being me (not afraid to look at my poop), I looked in the toilet and saw that there was blood intertwined in one of the logs. My immediate thought was, "I'm gonna die," so I told my boss and left to go to the emergency room.

My sister (we'll call this one "Crazy Boots") took me to the ER. I didn't quite know what to expect because I never had issues with my GI tract before. WELL, LEMME TELL YOU, THIS WAS NOT ON MY 2022 BINGO CARD. I go into the room, and the nurse gives me a gown and tells me to take off my pants and underwear, and that the doctor will be in shortly. I was thinking, "Yeah, they're probably just going to take a quick look at my butthole, nothing major." BOY, WAS I SO, SO, SO WRONG. The doctor came in, Crazy Boots was in the room with me, and I had my first-ever IV inserted into my arm (it was traumatizing, by the way. I cried). After the IV was put in and fluids were pumping into my body, the doctor told me to turn on my side. I turned, and she told me to cough. Cool. Normal. BUT THEN, she took her giant knuckle, told me to breathe in, and JAMMED IT INTO MY BUTTHOLE, PULLING IT OUT JUST AS FAST AS SHE PUT IT IN. When I tell you that I thought my whole rectum fell out, I mean it. Her finger was PUDGY.

After the doctor forcefully got her sample, she left the room, and Crazy Boots and I LOST IT. We laughed to the point that I almost Hershey-squirted on the hospital table. And me being me, again, documented most of the process on Snapchat. I have this long-lasting joke that includes the song "Only Time" by Enya. Anytime anything bad or detrimental happens, I play that song. You'll see the reference in one of the images. But yeah, regardless of how horrible my life was at the time, this experience was something laughable that helped carry me through the final days of my dad's life. If whoever is reading this is also going through a tough period, I hope this made you laugh. I want you to remember that life is short, and even one moment of genuine laughter can get you through a rough patch.

[exist4me]

Sticky Situation

cw: bodily fluid, lactation kink. 18+ minors DNI

wc:1k

It's been a few months since you and Aaron have hung out with BAU family after having your baby girl. She has been the new addition to the family, a blessing to watch your small unit grow and see Jack become a big brother. But you surely deserve a break tonight. Hence, Jessica is watching the kids and you're currently getting dressed to have dinner at Rossi’s.

“Babe are you almost done?” you asked Aaron from across the room. Putting some final touches to your outfit tonight, you clasped the diamond bracelet your husband has given you for your two year anniversary. You see Aaron rushing into the room with your breast pump bag and a spare outfit. You look at him confused.

“Honey I already pumped before getting dressed. I don't think I’ll need it at the party. I got like 3 hours until my next pump” you said.

“I know but you get sore and full really fast and I just want to make sure you’re comfortable. This is our first outing in a while.” he reasoned. You smile at how considerate and caring your husband is.

“Thank you honey, you’re so sweet to me.” You share a sweet short kiss before leaving home.

Aaron rings Rossi’s doorbell. “I hope he likes the wine we brought him. It cost an arm and a leg.” you said. Aaron let out a soft laugh. Before he could reply the door swung open. Rossi greets you.

“Sorry we were late, there was traffic, but we brought you Primitivo wine. Hope you like it.”You said excitedly. 

“Thank you, it's beautiful. I'll pop it open tonight.” Rossi says, smiling at you. You and Aaron walk into the mansion. He hangs your coats up on the rack while engaging Rossi in small talk. Rossi leads you to his kitchen where the rest of the BAU family is.

“Hi everyone. You all look great,” you said. Aaron greets his teammates. 

“Oh look what the cat dragged in.” Derek teased. We all share a laugh as we hug each other. The group easily engaged in conversation before dinner. The ladies all went into the dining area to be seated, while the men came in with the food. Dinner begins with a toast from Rossi, thanking us for being here and appreciating the people we’re close to. An hour after eating everyone split into their little groups to have their own conversations in the living room. You and Aaron were listening to Spencer lecture you guys about facts and studies about newborn babies when he suddenly stopped talking.

“What? What's wrong Spence?” you asked, looking at him weirdly.

 His face is turning red as he stutters,” umm, y-y-your dress is w-w-wet.” You look down, sighing, noticing that you're leaking through your clothes. “Damn “ you muttered.

“I'm on it.” your husband said, getting the breast pump bag.

“Excuse me, Spencer,” you said awkwardly, leaving with Aaron to go to the bathroom. 

Aaron led you to the upstairs bathroom, closed the door, and joined you to help with the situation. You began to strip the top layer of your outfit. Unclipping your nursing bra, you saw small droplets of milk coming out of your slightly sore nipples.

“Fuck.” you heard Aaron whisper. You looked up to see his eyes fixated on your nipples leaking milk. You can hear him breathe in heavily. He cleared his throat, slowly handing you the breast pump. You noticed him giving you his bedroom eyes. “Is Aaron into this?” you thought.

“Honey, are you okay? You seem a bit distracted there.” you giggled. Aaron finally looked into your eyes a bit dazed. “Um yea, sorry um-” he cleared his throat again. Before he can make up an excuse you reassured him. 

“It’s okay. You can taste it. You look hungry babe.” you teased him. He slowly licked his lips, his gaze moving between your eyes and your nipples, finally settling on your leaking pairs of tits. Aaron’s hands reach towards your chest, his thumbs rubbing your sore nipples spreading the milk around your areolas. You whimpered at the intense pleasure he is giving you. He leans down and gives your right nipple a wet kiss. He licks around your nipple, then begins to firmly suck on you. He moans and whines around it, tasting your mildly sweet milk. Aaron thought to himself “why hasn't he tasted you sooner.” You shudder as you cradle the back of his head, pulling his hair as he gives you the most overwhelming pleasure.

“Fuck Aaron baby, you feel soo good” you whined out.

He wrapped his hands around your waist pushing you deeper into his mouth. He finally rises from your nipple to take a few breaths. He looks up at you giddy and intoxicated from drinking you in. You meet his eyes feeling heated, yearning for more. Aaron moves on to your other nipple, to milk your full breast when you are interrupted by a sharp knock. You gasped as he released your nipple. He whispers, “fuck.” You both completely forgot where you both were.

“We’re coming!” Aaron yelled.

“Uh, I was just checking in. You guys were taking a really long time.” Penelope said.

You nervously chuckled while changing your outfit, “Just finishing up!”

You and Aaron adjusted your unkempt clothes, and he fixed his hair after you messed it up. You opened the door to a concerned Penelope.

“Sorry about that, I'm suddenly not feeling well and Aaron decided we should go home early.” You gave Penelope your best unwell face.

You guys met up with the rest of the group to announce your abrupt departure. Aaron grabbed your coats and the breast pump bag and rushed you out, leaving the rest of the group confused and concerned. You reach the car when Aaron said,” Fuck, we need to get home, I need more please. You tasted so good.” he begged you. You nodded at your pleading husband as you both quickly left Rossi’s to continue Aaron’s newest interest at home uninterrupted.

[cowteapot]

Dad?

Stranger things boys as dads HC

Argyle, Billy Hargrove, Eddie Munsons, Jonathan Byers & Steve Harrington x AFAB!Reader

Summary: super honest headcanons on the boys as dads

Warnings: cursing, substance use, I’m naming the kids so suck it

———————————————————————

-Argyle-

When he found out you were pregnant he was ecstatic, poking your belly and telling it he was the dad

He would eat your weird pregnancy cravings with you

Gets pregnancy pains with you

You two got your own little loft above some really nice old people but usually spend your time at the wheeler house

At the first ultrasound he pointed at his baby and said “that’s my little homie right there!” And then tried to fist pump your belly but you slapped his hands away

When your son was born he held him up to his friends like he was in the lion king and exclaimed “Baby Everest has been birthed!”

You made him give the baby back after that

He loves your little after birth diaper, thinks it’s so cute and so funny as you waddle around the house in it

Likes taking Everest on hikes and shit

Definitely football carries him

You don’t have a nursery but you do have a crib next to your bed but whenever Everest starts screaming Argyle lays him down in between the two of you and lets him sleep there

If you give Everest snacks Argyle is definitely going to be asking where his are

“Here baby. Cookie” “y/n I want one, y/n hey. I want a cookie, gimmie”

Everest sleeps in your bed for five years but argyle wouldn’t have it any other way

Literally cried more than Everest did when he moved on to his own bed

Loves to wrap Everest in a little blanket sling strapped to his chest or back and run around the house listening to his little giggles

Thinks he’s got the funniest kid ever. You came home one day to see them both sitting on the couch reading a book just giggling away as Everest mumbled out some toddler words you didn’t really understand but it got argyle belly laughing

Talks to Everest like he’s an adult even if he doesn’t understand what he’s saying

Likes to have in depth intellectual conversations with your son after he smokes

Is always loosing shit “where’s his shoes?” “Shiiiiiit. Left em at the park!”

He’s always getting getting his hair tugged on and ripped out by Everest

Literally does pizza runs with the baby strapped to his chest or with the car seat in the passenger seat

By two Everest was answering the phones at Surfer Boys

Chillest dad ever, your kid wants to wear a dress? Who cares Argyle wants one too

He tires not to smoke around Everest so he’ll walk down the street to smoke and walk home before dumping cologne on his body and coming inside

You breast fed (if you can) for a long time and every time argyle gets super excited to see ya boobies

At first he didn’t know you were supposed to strap in the car seat so when he turned a corner and Everest went flying he learned quickly

-Billy-

He’s a deadbeat dad and you can’t even lie to yourself

He’s always wanted kids but when he finally gets them he regrets everything

Teen pregnancy for sure

He tried to run when you told him you were pregnant but he knew his did would just drag him back to your house and make him apologize and then kick his ass right there on the doorstep

Not really there throughout your pregnancy, like if you ask for snacks at two am he’ll roll over in bed away from you and then mumble out “go to the store then.”

When you went into Labor he almost shit himself, he was sitting in Chem when the principle pull him up to the office and explained you had gone into a labor and he was needed at the hospital. Billy stopped at the gas station and got himself snacks before going in.

The nurses asked if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord but he simply shook his head and said “nah.” You rightfully so were pissed.

They handed him his son and he nearly passed out, all of the shit he put you threw during your pregnancy suddenly flew away from him because seeing the little boy with eyes like his before him made all of this real. He was a dad.

He will not wake up with the baby. Don’t even try to make him. He’ll even have the audacity in the morning to say “I slept like shit last night” even if you’re sitting at the dining table with messy hair, bags under your eyes, tear stained cheeks, baby puke and shit all over your clothes with the culprit attached to your boob

Definitely leaves the kid in the car kinda dad. Like he’s stopping at the gas station and he’ll turn around to make sure little Nick is asleep before he gets out and goes in to grab a six pack and some cigarettes. Then he’ll get home and you’ll ask “where’s the formula?” And this asshole will go “in your boob”

As your son gets older billy will start to be a slightly better dad. Sometimes going and playing monster trucks on the living room floor but obviously you’ll have to pick them up and put them away after

Bug juice dad. Stops at the gas station to get a pack of smokes and let’s Nick grab a bug juice that will stain his teeth and clothes

I imagine you coming home after work one day to billy sprawled out on the sofa watching a football game as you walk around the small trailer looking for your son before giving up and asking “Bill. Where’s Nick?” He up in a flash, grabbing his keys and running out the door with a “shit!” This isn’t the first or last time he’s forgotten to pick him up from school

Flirts with all of the PTA moms

Type of dad to teach his kids to swim by saying “you either sink or swim” and then chucking Nick into the water as you scream at him to grab him. He’ll pull him up right before he passes out, give him a breather and then throw him again. Parents will start to gather around with worried expressions as you beg your boyfriend to stop. Nick wouldn’t talk to him for a whole day.

Offers Nick beer by the ripe age or 10

I see billy getting a fast pass to the retirement home

-Eddie-

He’s scared shitless when you tell him you’re pregnant

Throws away all of the beer, cigarettes and completely stops selling drugs

Makes extra room in Wayne’s trailer for you and the baby

Boy will get a steady job and save up for your own trailer which you guys get around your eighth month of pregnancy

You come home one day to see Eddie with his hair pulled up in a messy ponytail, no shirt and a pair of jean cutoffs with paint all over his hands and face as he instructs you to close your eyes. He’ll guide you into the make shift nursery that is now painted a beautiful lavender color with a little black crib pressed against the wall with a mobile above it displaying the planets. He decorated the walls with little paper bats and shelves lined with books and toys along with photos of the two of you and the multiple ultrasound photos

The day your daughter is born is the best day of his life, he holds her while sobbing. He cries even harder when she grasps onto the tips of his hair. He whispered against her smooth skin about how he would always be there for her and he would keep her safe

Unlike Billy he is up with the baby all night in a heartbeat, you’ll walk in in the morning to find his lanky limbs thrown over the sides of the crib with Ramona on his chest. To say he’s sore is an understatement

Boy will throw on one of those baby harnesses in a second and will walk around with that girl strapped to his chest all day

The first diaper change he couldn’t stop gagging, the two of you laughing so hard as he tried to wipe the little girls butt but every time he got close he would gag so loud. By the end of it he had tears in his eyes along with a red sweaty face

Tried to force her first words to be daddy or dada but it’s “bug” after she saw a spider on the floor. He still celebrated

First steps are on film and he watches them over and over when he’s sad

The first day of school is so hard for him, he packs her bag and checks it three times over. He makes sure her outfit is comfy and that she has a list of the home phone number, uncle Wayne’s number, the neighbors number, uncle Steve’s number, mommy’s work number and daddy’s work number. He has her bag packed with all her school supplies and her favorite teddy along with bandaids

If she rips her favorite teddy he will stay up all night looking through sewing manuals trying to stitch the limb back on

When she learns to tie her shoes he’s taking her out to ice cream and having her tie his shoes

He’s so bad at discipline. Ramona colored all over the walls and you decided that she would have to wipe them down but when you came in to check on her Eddie was wiping them down as she sat on the floor playing with dolls

He’s not religious but for the living nativity scene that the church does he’ll sign up your beautiful baby girl just to see all those prissy moms faces when the freak Eddie Munson pulls up with his beautiful little baby Jesus because it also means eddie gets to play Joseph

-Jonathan-

“I’m pregnant”

He sat completely still in the bed for almost two minutes before yelling out “in this economy?!”

Tells argyle before Joyce or Will

Joyce was pissed but didn’t last ver long when she got excited to be a grandma

You two move into the Byers house

Will is extremely helpful during your pregnancy, offering to make you lunch and get you snacks

Jonathan likes to cuddle with your belly, whispering things to the baby inside

Unlike Eddie he doesn’t give up smoking weed but he will try to reduce his use

Argyle is basically a second dad to this kid

Joyce had to drive you two to the hospital because Jonathan was high and you obviously were in pain

Labor was FOREVER and Jonathan took a few photos and took a nap but woke up for the actual birth

Let’s be honest he’s a king so when you inevitably shit yourself so much during labor he didn’t say a word, just held your hand and told you how amazing you were

Joyce and Will stayed in the hospital with you guys

You welcomed your baby girl Ruth who Jonathan fell so deeply in love with

He took photo after photo of her and you, he told you how wonderful you did and you beautiful you looked

He played guitar to her when she couldn’t sleep and took wonderful care of the both of you

You guys sing Danny’s Song by Loggins and Messina as a lullaby

Joyce and Will are the best helpers ever, they both will wake up in the night if she’s up screaming her head off and you both are just way to tired to even hear it

You will never have to worry about finding a baby sitter

Ruth was holding her own camera by two and he loves developing the photos, just the idea of seeing life through his toddlers eyes almost made him cry

Hates strollers, would rather carry her around. The idea of trying to open this thing and click it’s wheels into spot and getting her in and trying to clip it just made him angry

If Ruth gets hurt and starts screaming he definitely is the type of dad to start screaming too. “Y/N! She’s bleeding, HELP” you have to calm them both

You two brought her in late on the first day of school, you slept in and then tried to feed her breakfast but found out the milk was bad and there was nothing else to make so you left with a piece of white bread. She had two different shoes on and her outfit didn’t match but hey you were two young tired parents

He’s a fun dad. Likes to take her to the beach and look for rocks, collect bugs and dig in the sand. Runs around the house playing make believe and will get so into character, they’re always jumping on the couches and screaming even after Joyce screamed at them to stop

He makes holidays extra special, everything is over the top. He’s definitely one of those parents that throws and entire birthday party for Ruth’s first birthday and you tried so hard to tell him that she won’t remember it but he doesn’t care

- Steve-

We all know he wants a damn herd of children

When he finds out you’re pregnant this man is over the moon! You’re up in his arms as he dances around screaming about how he’s gonna be a dad

The nursery is up and running in a matter of no time, he’s got a mural going, the walls are painted, fun carpets and decor. He’s so excited

Every time he goes to the store he’s picking out some article of clothing for your unborn child and he always justifies it

He cried to hard while you were in labor and cried even harder when the nurse handed him his son. Mans was ugly crying and mumbling about how cute he was

He almost passed out when they handed him another little boy saying you had twins

You will not have to move a muscle because he’s got it all. Kids screaming? Dads up and running. He’s got toys, tummy time,diaper changing but when it’s time for food he’s bringing the babies to you going “boobie time!”

You have to tell him to stop staring while you’re breast feeding

By three months he’s already asking for another

Your sons have Steve wrapped around their little fingers

He’s a sports dad, this man is loading up the car with equipment and taking them to every game

Minivan.

There has been more baseballs and rocks through the windows of the house than he’d like to admit

Cried more than the kids on the first day of school

He’s also a fun dad but in the sense that his kids will never be wrong. Ever.

“Zack threw a rock at Matthews head!”

“Well what did Matt do?”

He will never admit to being overwhelmed even when Steve “the hair” Harringtons hair is frizzy and covered in a hat with two toddlers hanging off of each arm screaming in the middle of the grocery store

Steve will also never admit that you have terror twins

I am genuinely so sorry but their backpack leash kids

“Oh fuck off!” Steve will groan at the parents who glare and shake their heads at the man with two leashes in his hand as the children connected drag him along screaming and growling

He smiles at you when you come home to find him tied up to a chair with two toddlers beating the shit outta him with foam noodles

“What’s this?”

“we captured dad!”

If he admits that having two kids is difficult that means he can’t convince you to have more

The two of you have sat in the bathroom eating candy just hiding from the kids

At the end of a long day filled with chasing toddlers around, catching objects flying through the air, apologizing to everyone who you come in contact with for your feral children, stoping fights and wiping tears from a breakdown that may have been you two or the children you both will flop down on the sofa and stare off into existence

“You have food in your hair” “leave it.”

[queen-haq]

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Fic: A Woman Scorned - Part 13

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Rating: R for language and smut.

Words: ~3000 words.

Summary: You’ve been sleeping with Billy Russo for a few months now. Knowing his aversion to emotional commitments, you’re satisfied with your clandestine arrangement until you catch him having dinner with Dinah Madani one night. Then it finally dawns on you. It’s not that he doesn’t want to commit, he just doesn’t want to commit to *you*.

Billy may think he knows you, but he has no idea what he’s just lost...

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5   Part 6   Part 7   Part 8   Part 9  

Part 10   Part 11   Part 12

gif credit: @bilyrusso

Part 13

It was 8 in the evening and you were still in the office. You hadn’t accomplished much work today, your mind mostly focused on Billy. You were surprised by how quickly he’d been able to make the funeral arrangements for his mother. Yesterday you had driven over to the nursing home and by the time you reached there, Carla Russo’s body had already been picked up. You’d signed a few papers for Billy and picked up the remainder of Carla’s things before you returned home. Everything of hers was packed into a small suitcase and sitting in your living room. You wanted to call him, ask him how he was and offer your support, but he seemed determined to do everything on his own when you’d talked to him last and you didn’t want to intrude.

You gave yourself a mental shake, reminding yourself to concentrate. This workday had been a wash. When you weren’t distracted by thoughts of Billy, you were putting out fires in your team. At least the personnel conflicts have been temporarily resolved, but now you needed to work on a slide deck that you’d been tasked with presenting to the executive leadership committee later in the week.

An hour later you were halfway done with your presentation when your phone rang. You glanced down at your screen to find Billy’s name on the screen. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He sounded exhausted. “You still at work?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

There was a pause. “You give off the workaholic vibe.”

You smiled to yourself; at least he was okay enough to crack jokes. “How are you?”

“You mean am I grieving over a goddamn dead woman who preferred meth to her own fucking son?” He sighed. “No big loss. I’m fine.”

Anger and hurt saturated his voice despite his attempts to sound unaffected. Your heart hurt for him, you wished there was something you could do. “Do you need anything?”

“The funeral service is tomorrow.” A beat of silence followed. “Do you want to come?”

“Sure. What time?”

“2pm.”

“I’ll take the day off. Do you need my help with anything? Maybe I can call some of her friends?”

“When I found her she was living on the streets, barely alive but still hooked on meth. I doubt she’s got any friends.”

“What about the people in the nursing home? Maybe they want to come?”

“No, I don’t want anyone else there. Just you.”

Not liking the warmth that spread through you upon hearing his words, you reminded yourself he was probably feeling unusually vulnerable. This wasn’t typical of him.

“Do you want to come over?” he asked.

You exhaled a heavy sigh. “I would but I have so much work to do. I’ll be here for another hour at least.”

“Come over after you’re done.”

“It’ll be really late.”

“That’s fine. I can wait.”

“I can stop by my place to pick up your mom’s-.”

“No, it’s okay.”

You realized he wasn’t quite ready to go through Carla’s belongings yet.

“Bring your stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

“Overnight bag, clothes for tomorrow, whatever.”

“Oh. You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah, might as well. We can drive over together for the service tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

Despite the conversation coming to a natural end, he wasn’t hanging up. It seemed as if he was reluctant to be alone, probably because that meant dealing with the complicated emotions for his mother. You knew exactly how that felt. “If you want, I can leave now. I can work from your apartment instead of the office.”

“You’re not worried I’ll be tempted to spy on Valiant stuff?” he teased.

You smiled. “As if I’d let you see what I’m working on.”

“Guess no corporate espionage for me tonight.”

“Still going to keep you away from my laptop.”

He chuckled. “Just get here. I promise not to bug you while you work.”

“Okay. I’m leaving now.”

“See you soon.”

After you hung up, you started gathering your things together.

***

An hour later, you were at his place. When he opened the door, you immediately grew concerned at how tired he looked. Traveling back and forth from Vegas plus dealing with the news about Carla’s death within the last few hours meant he was absolutely exhausted.

“Hey,” he greeted you, smiling as he took the overnight bag from your hands.

You removed your heels while he took your bag inside his room and then made your way to his living room. While his penthouse suite was much bigger than yours, you actually didn’t like it very much. Despite the high-end finishes and the beautiful interiors - Billy had obviously hired a designer to make the place look good - it always felt very cool and inhospitable to you. It was too perfect and you always felt out of place inside the suite.

“You hungry?” he asked, coming up behind you. “I ordered dinner for you.” Arms encircling your waist, he dropped a kiss on the back of your head as he maneuvered you to the kitchen. He’d laid out the food for you on the dining table, and from the take-out containers you knew it was from one of your favourite Indian restaurants. The thoughtful gesture surprised you, you weren’t used to that from him. Noting that he’d only set the table for one, you turned around to look at him. “You’re not going to eat with me?”

“I ate already. I was starving. Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” You cradled his face with one hand, your eyes roving over his beautiful face as he placed a kiss on the fleshy part of your palm. “You look exhausted. Did you even sleep?”

“No” He leaned back against the kitchen counter, weary. For a moment he closed his eyes, simply holding still, and you found yourself wrapping your arms around him in a hug. You didn’t understand why you’d even initiated the embrace – hugs were never your thing – but seeing him so beaten-down you were desperate to comfort him. He leaned into you, his body flushed against yours, and you held him tight. Stroking the nape of his neck, you placed a soft kiss on the center of his forehead. “Why don’t you take a nap while I work?”

“You don’t mind?”

You smiled up at him, running your fingers through his hair. “At least I don’t have to worry about you stealing my company secrets while you sleep.”

He smirked. “You’ll be here when I wake up?”

“Yup. Probably still working away.”

Billy grazed your temple softly before dropping a tender kiss on the tip of your nose. “Okay, but eat first.”

You nodded your head, watching after him as he sauntered out of the kitchen and disappeared down the hallway.

Sighing, you went to the sink to wash your hands before eating.

***

It was after midnight and you were still working on your slide deck when you heard Billy puttering around in the bathroom. Soon he slowly made his way towards you, dressed in a t-shirt and black boxers, his hair all messy. He yawned lazily, falling onto the other end of the couch.

“I thought you’d sleep through the night,” you remarked.

“Are you still working?” he asked.

“Almost done.” You saved the file and shut off the laptop before slipping it back inside your bag.

Suddenly he pulled you closer and you found yourself tucked underneath him on the couch as he glanced down at you from above. “You work too hard.”

You smiled up at him. “They don’t pay me the big bucks to sit there and look pretty.”

A slow, incandescent smile curved his lips. “I would. If I ran Valiant, you’d be my personal stress relief. You’d be in my office the entire time and do nothing but look pretty and service me.”

“That’s sexual harassment.”

Billy shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever. I’d make it worth your while.”

You laughed, angling up to kiss him. “Your breath is all minty fresh.”

“I brushed my teeth for you.”

“Wow. Be still my heart.”

A warm grin covered his face as he shifted down your body to nuzzle your neck. His weight was heavy as he rested atop you, but you liked the solid feel of him on you, the way you felt all safe and warm. You stroked his hair while he drew lazy circles on your chest, the silence between you two comforting.

“No one knows about her. Not Frank, not Curtis, no one.”

Those names were familiar to you because Billy had mentioned them in passing a few times. Of course he’d never shared any other info, but you being you, you’d dug around and found out more about them. You knew they’d served with Billy and he considered them his closest friends.

“When I found her three years ago, I put her in that home and forgot all about her.”

“You visited her every week,” you reminded him.

“Because I wanted her to regret abandoning me. I wanted her to see how far I’d come, I wanted to throw her mistakes in her face. But I don’t think she regretted safe-havening me, not even a bit.”

The bitter pain in his voice made your heart hurt for him.

“Maybe I should be happy she’s finally dead, or maybe I’m supposed to be sad or something.”

“How do you actually feel?”

“Nothing. I feel nothing.”

“Billy, I think that’s normal. There’s no right or wrong in this. All of your feelings are valid.”

“Even if her dying made me absolutely ecstatic? You wouldn’t think I was a fucking psychopath?”

“You are a psychopath but not because you have conflicting emotions about your terrible mother dying. You have the right to feel how you feel about her, whatever that might be.”

Eyes blazing with emotion, he hovered about you to meet your gaze. “Then what makes me a psychopath?”

You quirked your eyebrow. “The fact you want to torture my dates.”

“Not just torture, I want to kill them.” Eyes darkened, voice velvety-smooth, he covered your mouth with his and ravaged you with a kiss that left you thrumming and breathless.

“Only you’re allowed to touch me?” you asked through labored breaths.

“Yes.” His voice was a lustful rasp, his mouth leaving a heated trail as he sucked on the oh-so-sensitive corner of where your neck and shoulder intersected. Sparks of electricity ran down your spine. “Only me.”

You took his hand and guided it down your body, parting your thighs for him.

Like always, you were soon completely lost in the erotic pleasure of his mouth on you. Your legs hooked over his shoulders, your hands grabbed the back of the couch for support as he fucked you with his hands and mouth, sucking you, licking you, his tongue flicking over your clit until you were keening under him. Body arching off the couch, you moaned his name louder and louder until he drove you completely over the edge.

Then you felt a light slap on your cunt which immediately brought you back to reality. Opening your eyes, you found Billy perched between your legs, gracing you with the most wicked smile. “That’s one.” He slapped your pussy again, this time his long, lean fingers ever so slightly grazing your clit and your hips bucked, wanting more. “As promised.” His eyebrow quirked up. “Punishment.”

“Not fair,” you protested. “I’ll date who I want.”

He slapped you again, a little harder this time, but then he leaned down to place comforting kisses on the very spots he assaulted and you moaned with pleasure.

“All of you.” His tongue lapped over your clit, eyes locked with yours. “Belongs to me. I own you.”

“You don’t!” You squealed when he flipped you over unexpectedly, grabbing you by the hips so your ass was lifted of the couch. And then he squeezed your butt cheeks, biting them lightly before he started rimming you.

***

After sharing a shower the two of you were laying in his bed, your back pressed against his chest as you both stared up at the ceiling. His one hand was intertwined with yours, the other arm circled around your hips. The two of you didn’t have sex but you didn’t mind. You were both fatigued.

“I smell like you now,” you murmured, realizing the soap in his shower had left its scent on you.

“I know. I like it.” He squeezed your fingers. “I have a present for you.”

“I hope it’s not earrings again.”

He chuckled. “No, not earrings.”

“What is it then?”

“Jewelry.”

You turned back to look at him. “What? Like a necklace?”

“Something like that. Except I’m the only one who’ll see you wearing it.”

“Ah. And where is this gift?”

He kissed the top of your head. “Not here yet.”

You smiled to yourself. “People usually wait until they have the gift in hand before telling others about it.”

“I couldn’t wait. I’m excited to see you wear it.”

He stroked your hair, and your eyes grew heavy. Soon you started falling into deep slumber, feeling calm, comforted by Billy’s arms around you.

“What happened with your family?”

Your eyes flew open. Like always, any mention of your family unfurled anxiety within you. You didn’t like thinking about them letting alone discussing them. “They passed away.”

“They’re dead?”

“Yes.”

“Both of them?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you up so you were facing him now, his intoxicating gaze completely focused on you. “That day when I asked you about the pictures, you said you weren’t close to your family.”

“I meant my extended family. I don’t keep in touch with them,” you replied smoothly.

“What were your parents like?”

Irritation surged through you at his obtrusive questions but you had to remind yourself he just lost his mother. He was feeling out-of-sorts, working through his grief – even if he didn’t think so – and he was reaching out to the only person in his life that knew about his mother. “Normal.”

He simply stared at you for a long time, studying you, saying nothing. “Normal,” he repeated, finally breaking the strained silence.

You shrugged your shoulders, dropping your gaze to the base of his throat so you didn’t have to hold his piercing stare. “Yup.”

“How did they die?”

“Car accident.”

“You miss them?”

“Of course,” you lied.

He reached out to cup your face, his thumb stroking your cheek. “So you grew up with great parents, white picket fence and all that bullshit? Sounds like you had a fairytale childhood.”

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I’m really tired.”

“Sure. I’ll add this to the list of all the other shit we’ll talk about someday.”

He sounded almost angry with you and you weren’t sure why. Before you could question him, however, he pulled you close so you were snuggled against his chest and the warmth of his body was enough to silence your brain and lull you to sleep.

***

It was a cold, crisp autumn day in New York. The outdoor service, attended by only you and Billy, was short and quick. Throughout it, he’d gripped your hand even though he’d been outwardly calm and collected. Even now as he stood a few feet away from you, impeccably dressed in a black suit, his dark eyes hidden behind a pair of aviator sunglasses as he stared out at the pond, you sensed he was a complete mess inside. You didn’t know what to say to him so you simply sat on the bench, both of you in an isolated corner of the garden. Eventually he came to sit beside you, taking your hand in his.

“I’d have given her the whole world.” His voice was filled with pain and longing as he removed his sunglasses and tucked them in the upper pocket of his suit. “I would have given her anything she ever wanted.” Billy’s eyes met yours. “If she’d just wanted me.”

You scooted closer to wrap your arms around him, breathing him in as he sunk into you. His hands caressed your back, his grip on you so tight you almost couldn’t breathe. After a while he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes holding you prisoner in front of him.

“Swear to me you’ll never leave.”

“Billy-”

“Promise me!”

“I can’t.”

“It wasn’t a fucking request, Y/N.”

You tried to pull away from him but he fisted the back of your hair, holding you in place.

The raw urgency in his voice played havoc with your emotions. If you closed your eyes, just for a moment, you could shut out all the doubts in your head and simply believe him - but you could only live the fantasy for a short moment before reality forced its way back in. “You don’t mean those words, Billy.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because you don’t feel that strongly about me.”

His eyes narrowed, glaring at you with hostility. “You’re gonna tell me how I feel?”

“I’m not what you want.”

“And what do you think I want?”

You gave him a sad smile. “The best of everything. Best car, best clothes, the most beautiful women in your arms. You want all that because you need others to want what you have.”

“Is that so wrong?”

You shook your head. “No, there’s nothing wrong with that – except I don’t fit into any of those categories. You want a woman like Dinah Madani. I’m not her. So eventually this thing between us will end.”

His jaw was set in a grim line, eyes burning bright with rage. “So you have me all figured out, huh?”

“Don’t get mad. You know it’s the truth.”

He yanked you closer, crushing you against him. “It’s been me against the world for as long as I can remember. But when I look at you.” His eyes softened, mouth parting as his dark gaze roamed over your face. “I don’t feel alone anymore.”

Your heart melted. The tenuous handle you had on your self-control disintegrated completely. You closed your mouth over his, kissing him frantically as he picked you up and straddled you across his lap.

He pulled back to look at you. “You’re my home. You’re all I need.”

Part 14

A/N - As always, all of your feedback, comments, asks, likes and reblogs are deeply appreciated. They truly inspire me to keep writing, so thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of Med: Season 1: Glad I Didn’t Make it that Far (A Halstead brothers + Halstead sister! imagine)

Trigger warning: Talk of eating disorders

As always, I do not own any quotes from Chicago Med 1x04 that show up here!

Your age: 14

Jay's age: 28

Will's age: 30

"We should go to a movie," your best friend Emma suggested when you were sitting on the playground of Central Chicago's elementary school one summer day.

You had been coming here since it was pretty close to your house to be able to read without worrying that your dad would show up drunk. He wasn't violent, he was just rude, asking why there was no food and when you explained it was because he wasn't going shopping, he'd scoff and tell you to get a job if you wanted to eat. It wasn't your fault; you'd tried to get a job, but no one would hire you because you were only fourteen. Most places required that you be at least sixteen and the occasional place would let you start at fifteen, but only with very limited hours. And, the places that let you start at fifteen were too far away for you to walk to. You'd have to take the El...and that would turn out badly if Will and Jay found out, even though your dad wouldn't care in the slightest.

"Em, I don't have any money. I'm literally rationing out my feminine products at this point."

"Hey, just tell me if you need any. Me or my mom can get you some. Oh, and some neighbors of mine run a little kettle corn company. They're looking for some extra help on the weekends and they'll pay you under the table. I can give you their number if you want."

"Really?" Emma smiled and nodded. "Yes, please! And, you're the best."

But, what you didn't tell her was that you hadn't eaten since yesterday since there was barely anything in your house and that your cramps were killing you and because of all this, you were feeling nauseous.

"Let's go to the movies. My treat."

"I can't let you pay for me."

"Yes, you can. Best friends help each other out. Now c'mon, let's go." You sighed and closed your eyes as you stood up. "You good?" Emma asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just dizzy."

"You wanna go home?"

"No, no I'm fine. Just seasonal allergies from all the pollen," you lied.

"Okay, let's go."

You started to slow down as you got closer to the movie theater. "I'm so excited to see The Longest Ride!" Emma squealed. "Scott Eastwood is just mwah!"

"Yeah, but he's- he's a lot-- I gotta, I gotta sit down," you stuttered, starting to feel more lightheaded and seeing your vision become blurry at the edges.

"Okay, let's get to the front where you can sit on the curb."

You slowly started to make your way there, but it was too late. "Em- Emma," you slurred as you tried to reach for her as your legs gave out underneath you, and then everything went black.

"Y/N!" Emma yelled as she squatted down next to you and pulled out her phone.

Just then, everyone started running out of the theater shouting something about a shooting.

***

Will's pager went off as he was eating with Natalie and the rest of the team from a taco truck outside of Chicago Med. And, everyone else's pagers were going off, too, making it sound like alarm clocks that were all set for the same time. Then, Maggie ran outside.

"Shooting in a movie theater! Mass casualties! It's about to get crazy!" she yelled to the doctors and other nurses. "EMTs are four minutes out!"

Not even a second after she finished her sentence, an ambulance pulled up with lights flashing and sirens blaring.

"Check that!" Will yelled as he threw his food in the trash can. "They're here!"

Then, all of them sprinted into the hospital, their main focus now being saving as many lives as possible.

"Another maniac gone crazy in a theater," Will said as he put something over his scrubs to keep them from getting blood all over them. "Is this the world we live in?"

***

You slowly opened your eyes to be met with the white ceiling and an IV in your arm. You groaned. "Where am I?" you asked as you rolled over to see Emma sitting on a bench. "Are we in an ambulance?"

"You don't remember?" Emma asked.

"You passed out, sweetie," a female paramedic told you as she put a blood pressure cuff around your arm. "Luckily for you, we came pretty quick after hearing about the shooting."

"The shooting? There was a shooting?"

"In the movie theater," the paramedic answered you. "You were lucky you didn't go in."

"Guess so."

Your eyes widened as you realized they were probably taking you to Chicago Med. You couldn't let your brother know that the most likely reason for you passing out was that you hadn't eaten since yesterday. They'd freak out.

"Am I good to go when we get to the hospital? I feel fine." You were still nauseous, but that was better than being passed out.

"You passed out, we need to get you checked out at the hospital."

"But I feel fine," you protested.

"I understand that, sweetie. But you need to get checked out anyway to make sure that there wasn't something that made you pass out other than the heat."

"She's right, Y/N," Emma said. "You need to get checked out."

You huffed. "Fine." Maybe Will would be too busy to even notice you were there. And, you figured your dad wouldn't pick up his phone, so you could just sneak out undetected when the doctors and nurses weren't watching.

When you got in, you were met by Natalie. "Y/N?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"It's nothing. I just passed out. I'm fine, really."

"Shoot," Emma said. "My mom's here to pick me up. Said she doesn't want me here because of all the press since I'm not hurt. I'm sorry."

You waved your hand. "It's fine. Hopefully, I'll be getting out here soon, too. See you later."

"Bye, Y/N."

"If you passed out, you're not fine, Y/N," Natalie said.

As you were wheeled past a trauma room, you saw your brother. Luckily for you, he was too focused on his patient that he didn't notice.

"Want me to get Will?" Natalie asked when she saw you glance in there.

"No! I mean, he looks really busy and I'm not dying. They should be the first priority."

"Okay, well I'll have Maggie call your dad because after all the standard tests, if I need to do more, I'm going to need your dad's permission since you're still a minor."

"Okay."

"Hey, Maggie," Natalie called, "Do me a favor and call Y/N's dad for me. I just might need permission to run some additional tests."

"You got it."

You got on the bed in the treatment room and allowed Natalie to listen to your heart and lungs. "Were you part of the crush?" she asked. "Did you get the wind knocked out of you? Is that why you passed out?"

"No, I got dizzy before we could get inside. I felt nauseous, too, but I think that was just from period cramps."

"The paramedics said you were dehydrated and that they had to administer an IV. Have you been eating and drinking properly? I know it's hot and that can cause you to pass out. Other than that factor, have you been eating and drinking normally?"

"Yes," you lied.

"Okay, I'm just going to need to get your height and weight and other vitals before we continue."

You nodded and followed her to where she took your height and weight. She wrote it down and you started to walk out, but she stopped you. "Uh, Y/N, come with me."

You followed her to the doctor's lounge where she handed you her sweatshirt. "Why are you giving me this?"

"You bled through your shorts. There's free pads and tampons in the bathroom if you don't have any on you."

You nodded. "Thank you."

"Meet me back here once you're finished."

"Okay."

When you got into the bathroom, you took all the pads and tampons you could fit in your shorts pockets after you had finished changing your dirty one.

Now, it was time for your great escape. No one would see you; they were all too busy treating other patients and worrying about the press.

You were almost out into the waiting room, but then a voice stopped you.

"Y/N?"

Shit. Jay.

You stopped in your tracks but then continued walking.

"Y/N, I know you heard me. Come back."

You sighed and turned around, hoping you wouldn't have to spill all the secrets about what's been happening at home.

***

"Poor guy," Erin said as she and Jay exited Sharon Goodwin's office. "He thought what he was going was right."

"I probably would've done the same thing if I were in his shoes," Jay agreed. "I mean, if I thought I saw a guy with an AR-15 in a movie theater and then thought the shots from the movie were coming from the gun, I sure as hell would've acted. Not that my service weapon can shoot bullets off as much as my sniper, but I'd try. Try and save civilians."

"Jay." Erin placed a hand on his arm. "You're not in Afghanistan anymore."

"I know. There's just some sick and twisted people in this world. Why would someone go into a theater with a leaf blower anyway? With all the mass shootings that have happened, that's probably the stupidest idea I've heard."

"I agree with you. But he's just a kid. He didn't ask to get shot. But, if I were in that teacher's shoes, I'd probably do the same thing and draw my gun."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows as he saw someone walking towards the exit of the ED and towards the waiting room. She had shorts and a t-shirt on with a burgundy sweatshirt tied around her waist. Jay wouldn't have given it a second thought, but he knew you had the same gray beat-up Converse because he had gotten them for you for a birthday present two years ago and you always wore the same polka dot scrunchie when you needed your hair to be in a bun and needed it to be tight.

"Is that?..." Erin trailed off.

"I think so," Jay answered, quickening his pace to catch up with you before you got out of the ED and he lost sight of you due to the number of people in the waiting room. "Y/N!" he yelled.

The girl he thought was you froze for a split second and then continued walking, this time at a faster pace. That was all the confirmation he needed. "Y/N, I know you heard me. Come back."

You sighed and turned around.

"I was going to tell you," you mumbled once you were in front of him.

He scoffed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Yeah? And when were you planning on calling Dad? You know you're a minor so a parent needs to be notified."

"Y/N!" Natalie yelled. "I thought you left, I was so close to getting security to look for you. We couldn't get a hold of your dad and were going to call Jay since he's your secondary emergency contact, but he's here now, so if both of you could follow me then that'd be great."

"You got it from here, Erin?" Jay asked.

"Yeah, text me if you need me to pick you up and bring you back to the district."

"Will do. Don't let Voight bust my balls because I skipped out."

"I'll tell him Y/N had a medical emergency. He'll understand."

"Thanks."

You, Natalie, and Jay walked back into the treatment room where Natalie had been previously treating you.

"First of all, let me just say it was not a medical emergency," you told your brother.

"Oh yeah? Then why are you here?" he asked.

"I was feeling nauseous."

"And you came to the ED just because of some nausea?" He raised an eyebrow. He so knew you were lying.

Meanwhile, Will was walking out of a trauma room after Rhodes brought a victim up to surgery.

"Hey. You hear?" Reese asked as she walked up to the doctor. "The kid at the theater, the one who got shot, he didn't have a gun, he had a leaf blower."

"What?" Will asked, stunned. He had worked on that kid and knew that it wasn't good.

"Yeah, turns out it was some kind of prank." She was about to turn around to leave, but then stopped. "Oh, and your sister's here. Treatment one."

"What? Why?"

"I think she passed out or something. Dr. Manning's in there with her right now."

"Thanks, Reese."

Will barged into your treatment room. "So, she comes into the ED and nobody has the common decency to even notify me?" he asked rhetorically.

"You were busy treating other patients, Will. I was going to get around to it eventually," Natalie said.

"Natalie, please just finish explaining what happened. Or just start from the beginning because Will's here now," Jay suggested, not wanting to have to break up an argument between the two doctors.

Now it was Will who was the one who crossed his arms over his chest.

"So, Will, what happened was that Y/N passed out. She was almost inside the movie theater, but she passed out, so she didn't go in."

"The movie theater where the shooting happened?" Jay asked. You nodded. "Jesus, kid, if you would've gotten inside, you would've given both me and Will heart attacks."

"Sorry. But, I'm glad I didn't get that far."

"Yeah, us too," Will agreed. "So, why'd she pass out?"

"Can I talk to you two for a minute? Outside?"

They nodded. "Be right back," Jay told you.

"So, what's going on?" Jay asked once the three were safely outside of the room and out of earshot from you.

"Have you noticed anything strange with her eating habits lately? Any skipping meals? Going to the bathroom right after meals? Not wanting to eat?" Natalie asked the two brothers.

"No, nothing," Jay answered. "Granted, we don't eat with her a lot because she lives with our dad and we both live on our own."

"Okay, because since her physical check-up a month and a half ago, Y/N's lost fifteen pounds."

"Fifteen?" Will asked, flabbergasted.

"I thought she looked smaller, but I just thought I was hallucinating from lack of sleep because of all the crazy cases we've had," Jay said.

"No, she's lost fifteen pounds since her last check-up," Dr. Manning reiterated.

"So, what are you saying?" Will asked. "Our sister's anorexic? Bulimic?"

"I'm not saying any of those yet. But, I talked to Dr. Charles while Y/N was in the bathroom and she said to try and have her eat something, like the greasiest thing you can find in the cafeteria, and see what she does. We'll even leave the room after to chat and I'll have Maggie keep an eye on the bathrooms to see if she goes in there. If she refuses to eat or freaks out over it, then we might be dealing with anorexia. If she goes into the bathroom after, we might be dealing with bulimia. Or, it could be a combination of the two or just possibly her trying to lose weight. Has she ever mentioned wanting to lose weight to either of you?"

"No, not all," Jay answered. "Even when we went out after her last day of school, which I think was about two weeks after she had that physical, she ate a ton and she didn't go to the bathroom right after."

"But you did go home right after," Will pointed out.

"Yeah."

"But, with some bulimics, if they know that the food has already been digested, they won't try to purge. And, it sounds like the food had time to digest."

"Alright, I'll go grab her a bacon cheeseburger."

"And a side of mac n cheese," Jay suggested. "She loves that stuff." Will started to walk out, but Jay stopped him once more. "Can you pick me up a bacon cheeseburger, too? I'm hungry."

Will rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but just so you know, you're paying me back."

"I know," Jay said and then went back inside the treatment room.

"Where's Will?" you asked.

"He's getting you some food. How does a bacon cheeseburger and mac n cheese sound?"

God, your mouth watered just at the thought of the bacon cheeseburger alone. The juicy patty, melty cheese, and crispy bacon, yum. And, you hadn't had a burger in who knows how long.

"That sounds amazing honestly," you answered.

"Okay, good because that's what Will's getting you." He paused. "Is everything okay with Dad? Everything good at home?"

"Yeah, everything's fine," you lied.

"Did someone tell you that you were fat at all?"

Shit, he knew I'd lost weight. "No," you answered. "I guess I'm not just mindlessly snacking when I'm doing homework anymore. It's not like I'm trying to lose weight."

No way were you going to tell him that there was rarely any food in the house, not here anyway.

"Okay, good," Jay answered. Then, he looked out of the room to see Will talking with Natalie. But, they were close enough that you could hear them, so you turned your attention to the two as well.

"Hey, Nat," Will said, carrying a bag with three cheeseburgers and a side of mac n cheese.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"I'm thinking, I only live a mile from you. So, when you go into labor, call me. I'll drive you here."

"Thanks, but...you know it could be three in the morning, right?"

"Sleep's overrated anyway."

Then, Will made his way back into your treatment room. "I wanna take you to the hospital," Jay mocked. "Very smooth, Will, very smooth."

"Will's got a crush, Will's got a crush," you said in a sing-song voice.

"Would you two knuckleheads keep it down? And no, I do not have a crush, I was just trying to be helpful."

Jay scoffed. "Yeah right. You totally have a crush on her, man. Now, give us the food and we won't say anything."

***

"Everything seem normal?" Natalie asked Will as Jay was still sitting with you after the three of you had finished your food.

"Yeah, she ate a little faster than normal, but we waited an hour and she didn't even get up to go to the bathroom, so I don't think that's the issue. She told Jay she wasn't trying to lose weight. She said she just wasn't mindlessly eating anymore when she was doing homework. But, I don't think that could make her lose fifteen pounds. Do you?"

"No. But unfortunately, given her height and age, she still has a normal BMI, so we can't do anything."

"Yeah, I get it. Me and Jay will keep an eye on her. It was around this time when our dad just kind of checked out on parenting us."

"What do you mean?"

"He wouldn't cook or really help us with anything. But, it was okay because our Mom was still around, so she'd cook and help us with things. He just thought we were old enough to deal with stuff on our own."

"Things that a teenager without another parent still needs help with."

"Exactly."

Jay poked his head out of the room. "Everything good? Y/N's asking when she can leave."

Will rolled his eyes. "Wonder where she gets that from."

"Shut up."

"I'll grab you the discharge papers," Natalie said and then walked to a nurse's station.

Just then, Will's pager went off. "I gotta go." He fished into the pocket of his scrubs. "You can take my car home and then just come pick me up from work and we can drive back to the district to get your truck. That way you don't have to bug Erin."

"Thanks, man. Go save some lives."

Natalie came back and handed him the discharge papers.

"Thanks, Nat. Me and Will will be sure to keep an eye on her, maybe have her over for dinner once or twice a week to monitor her eating habits."

"That's a good idea. Good luck with all this. Will told me that this was around the time that your dad clocked out on you, so maybe pay him a visit when Y/N's not there and check? I don't know if that's something you'd want to do or not."

Jay nodded. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"No problem."

Jay signed the discharge papers and then walked back into the room. "Good news."

"We can leave?" you asked excitedly as you sat up.

"We can leave," he confirmed.

***

You got out of the car and stood on the stoop of your house, Jay right next to you. "Jay," you started, "I have to tell you something."

"Okay, what is it? You can tell me anything."

You opened your mouth to tell him that there was barely any food in the house and that your dad refused to buy you feminine hygiene products because, by his logic, if he had another son, he wouldn't need to buy them, so you should buy them yourself.

But then, the door opened, revealing your dad.

"I was just going to say thanks for staying with me at the hospital. I would've left if you didn't stop me."

"You're welcome."

"Care to tell me where you've been?" your dad asked.

You knew he was just putting on a show because Jay was there.

"I was at the park and then me and Emma were going to see a movie and then--" your phone buzzed, alerting you that you had a text message.

"I've got it from here, Y/N. Dad, can I come inside?"

Pat Halstead nodded and you walked inside followed by your brother. "I'm gonna go upstairs and change," you said.

As you walked past the kitchen, you noticed a bunch of grocery bags, all of them full. He must've gone grocery shopping. At least you didn't have to worry about food for the next few days. But, you didn't know if he just did that because he finally listened to his voice mails and heard that you were in the hospital and were worried that they were going to find out that he was an unfit parent or because he finally came to his senses and realized that he was still responsible for you because you were a minor, which meant he needed to have food in the house.

As you walked upstairs, you checked your phone. It was Emma's neighbor asking if you could start helping her with kettle corn this Saturday. You responded with a yes because now, if your dad went back to not buying groceries, at least you'd be able to buy some for yourself.

A/N: Sorry this one was so short! It's kind of just to foreshadow the next installment of this. And, in the next installment, I will probably combine Seasons of PD: Season 4 and Seasons of Med: Season 2 because the storylines kind of go together. Anyway, thank you for reading! Please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to the taglist, just tell me and I’ll be happy to add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e 

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! / Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! / Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here!

A/N: I apologize for all the profanity in this part ahead of time. I think I’m going to do M/W/Sat updates, as long as my writing permits, and then maybe Wed/Sat updates. I got the day off because it snowed so I thought I would post this since it’s ready haha

* Well you’re royally f*cked

* There’s a big stupid smile curled on your face, and every time you try to hide it, it just comes back wider

* You really shouldn’t be happy right now

* “What has you in such a good mood?” Edward’s got a matching smile of his own.

* Oh shit. It’s fine, you’ll just play dumb.

* “How do you know I’m happy?” How about the dumb grin you’ve got on your face you stupid b*tch.

* You would have smacked your own forehead if you weren’t aware Edward was watching your every move

* You’re lucky Edward’s nice and he doesn’t call you out on it

* “Whenever you’re happy it kind of radiates off of you,” his voice lowers “you know because of your powers”

* Ah, you didn’t know you did that

* “So what do you think about the new girl?” You blurt it out like it’s an intrusive thought

* F*ck. Just-okay just play it cool. Play it cool.

* F********ckkkkk what’s wrong with you.

* Is being happy making you act like a moron?

* He shrugs

* “Just another human, I kind of wish everyone would shut up about it though. Having to hear people talk about her and think about her is getting annoying. It’s like being in a tunnel with one too many echoes.”

* Ah, so he hasn’t noticed yet.

* “I wonder what she’s thinking about.”

* Edward just shrugs again.

* What the f*ck Edward take a hint!

* “Edward?”

* “Yes dear?” He has the nerve to grin after using that pet name. The criminal is teasing you. Some best friend.

* And still it makes you outrageously happy

* You have to force your smile into a straight line

* “What’s the new girl thinking?”

* He looks over to her, Tyler and Mike are fighting for her attention, both of them a moment away from tugging on each arm and shouting “mine!”

* You see him search, you’ve heard enough about his powers to know right now it’s like mall food court level of chatter for him, but in a few seconds he’ll focus on her and realize he can’t hear her thoughts.

* Knowing how prideful he is though, he’ll probably deny it.

* “I don’t know I can’t read her mind” he says bluntly. “Do you think the school music teacher would teach me how to play violin if I asked?”

* “What?!?”

* “I know it’s kind of inconsiderate to ask but-“ you click your tongue

* “No not that!” You gesture towards Bella “you can’t read her mind?!? Isn’t that kind of a big deal?”

* His eyebrows thread together

* “I can’t read your mind either”

* Yes but you’re from a completely different world, in a body that radiates despair (and apparently joy now). You’re basically like some type of eldritch being from another dimension. 

* Edward doesn’t see it that though

* “Honestly it’s a relief, one less mind I have to tune out.” He walks ahead of you as you stay motionless in the middle of the hallway

* What the f*ck is happening?

* “Are you coming? We’re going to be late for Biology if you keep lagging behind like that.”

* How could you forget? The whole story starts because Edward is super into Bella’s blood! He fantasizes killing her for like- the entire class period.

* You were worried for nothing, just because they didn’t have the cafeteria moment isn’t that big of a deal

* The thought makes you both relieved and a little sad

* Still it’s for the best, this is the way things are supposed to be

* And who knows, if you have to leave maybe you can poach Rosalie and Emmett to leave with you

* And maybe Jasper, he won’t like having a human around the house all the time

* “Mr. Cullen, Ms. Eleazar” Mr. Banner hands you each a worksheet.

* Oh right the onion cell worksheet. Ah right the mitosis crap. Well hopefully Mike remembers enough that you both can hobble through

* “New year means new seating arrangement!” He tells you both excitedly. The seating arrangements on the projector.

* “Why am I next to Edward isn’t the seating arrangement supposed to be alphabetical?”

* “I decided to go by grade this time, you should be happy! Aren’t you two...friends?” You can tell your teacher is confused by the nature of your relationship, almost as much as you are. 

* “Super happy Teach.” You mumble taking your seat next to Edward who’s grinning like an idiot

* “You can’t say he’s picking favorites when it’s merit based.” He grins and you roll your eyes

* Angela’s sitting next to Ben Cheney, they seem to be discussing the trigonometry homework, and how it’s basically impossible

* Oh right, he’s supposed to be her boyfriend this year. 

* Personally you think Angela could do way better. But love is blind, you’ll ship it if you have to. 

* And right on cue Mike walks in, Bella following close behind. He takes his seat on the table behind you while Bella talks to Mr. Barnes

* “Why didn’t you guys sit with us at lunch today?” Mike is practically leaned over the entire width of the table.

* Before you can say anything Edward snorts

* “Because (Y/N) was getting lectured for staying out all night again”

* Mike looks like his eyes might pop out of his head

* “W-what? Out all night?! Without inviting me!” You roll your eyes.

* “He’s making it more dramatic, I went out for a run early in the morning because I couldn’t sleep and everyone was freaking out because they thought I got kidnapped.”

* Like any vampire or human stood a chance against you and your violent mood swings

* Mike’s so caught up in lecturing you about how you need to be more careful

* “There’s a lot of weirdos out there!” Yeah you live with them

* That he doesn’t even notice Bella’s taken a seat next to him

* Now that you get a better look at her, she is kinda pretty. She’s the kind of person who probably always looks good in photographs, no matter what the angle. Nice cheekbones and big brown eyes. Modest on boobs and butt, but she’s skinny so it works for her.

* “Hey, you’re Bella right?” You give her your friendliest smile, and you don’t miss the light blush that blooms on her face.

* You’re not sure whether it’s from your beauty or because she’s just not used to so much attention. She just nods.

* “Have you already seen the three whole things there are to do in Town on a Friday night?”

* Bella actually laughs at that. She’s got dimples, and little wrinkles that show up at the corner of her eyes. It’s cute.

* “One of those things is going to the library, so really it’s only two things.”

* She giggles again.

* “Is the other one going over to your house to play monopoly?” Mike asks, a grin arching onto his face

* “No my house is out of town, the other thing is to go to the school football game”

* “I’m not really a big fan of football” Bella hesitantly says, and Mike and Edward laugh

* “Yeah no one here does, everyone goes for the half time show, or just to hang out.” 

* You’re pretty sure your entire friend group only goes to the games to see your cheer routine, especially this year since you’re captain now. The first junior captain in a long time apparently. The news actually made the local newspaper.

* Everything is going good, and you’re starting to think maybe you and Bella might be friends.

* “Why don’t we have a board game night at our house again? Last time was-“

* You stop sentence, you were having so much fun you almost forgot why Edward was so obsessed with Bella.

* The slight breeze from the air conditioning brings her scent to you.

* You cover your mouth and nose with your hand

* Her scent is REVOLTING

* “(Y/N), are you okay?” Mike asks

* You vaguely feel Edward’s hand on your shoulder, has he not caught her scent yet?

* It’s pretty hard to miss

* Like gym socks, with a overly sweet base, it’s like-

* Your head snaps up, and your hand clamps over your mouth and nose even harder, but not because the scent is revolting

* She smells like cheese, perfectly aged Gorgonzola cheese, or maybe Brie?

* You smell the sweeter undercurrent stronger now, it’s like warm juicy peaches

* Roasted peach salad tossed with Gorgonzola and olive oil

* How many times have you dreamed about eating that while basking in the warm sunlight

* “I knew you shouldn’t have eaten those leftovers at lunch,” Edward says, but you know it’s performative, thank god he’s still got some sense after smelling her.

* “Mr.Banner, I think (Y/N) ate something bad, is it alright if I help them to the nurses office?”

* “Yes and hurry!” He’s practically shooing you out as Edward pulls you by the arm

* Nooooo, you wanna smell her moreeee

* You have the sense to not wine and keep your mouth covered.

* Edward doesn’t take you to the nurse, you both don’t stop walking until you’re at the parking lot

* “What the hell was that?” He asks, it’s the first time he’s seemed even remotely angry with you

* He seems more confused then angry though, you’re so shocked you actually sit down on the curb.

* And after a moment of hesitance Edward sits beside you, placing his hand over your own

* “She smells good Edward, like really good.”

* Edward laughs

* “Yeah I gathered that” he shakes his head. “I thought you were supposed to be a picky eater”

* “I aaaaamm” you moan, your head is cradled in your left hand. “She’s like one in a million”

* “You’re one in a million” you lift your head to see Edward looking at you with that stupid sh*t eating grin.

* “Really Edward my life is falling apart because I want to eat someone, and you think the appropriate response is to flirt?”

* To be fair, he’s always flirting, it’s basically apart of his personality at this point

* “You’re being melodramatic.” He chuckles and throws an arm over your shoulder. “Worst case scenario you kill her, Carlisle doles out his funeral punishment-don’t ask, and then we have to start over as freshman again somewhere else.”

* You groan, you finally worked your way up to a junior, you were just starting to get used to this crappy town, you don’t wanna start all over again in a new one

* “What’s the best case scenario?”

* Edward thinks hard for a minute.

* “Best case scenario...the music teacher agrees to teach me how to play the violin and I impress you with my magnificent playing.” You smack him on the arm.

* “Not the best case scenario for you!” You know he’s doing it on purpose. He just wants to make you laugh

* It works, you do laugh. How much more absurd could this situation get?

* “Everything’s going to be fine, if Jasper can handle having to smell 300 students he thinks smell good, you can handle 1.” 

* He’s got a point

* “Wait-didn’t she smell good to you?” Wasn’t that like, the whole d*mn point?

* His eyebrows thread together and he shrugs

* “Um, she smelled alright, no better or worse than the others. I’m not sure what you smelled-“

* What you smelled? The rich but refreshing flavor profile is sublime

* The f*cking heathen doesn’t even know what he’s missing

* “But to me she smelled like peaches”

* Well he kinda knows what he’s missing

* “She’s definitely anemic though, there’s a sever lack of iron in her scent” ah that must be that cheesy smell you’re getting

* Well ain’t this ironic. The girl who’s going to steal your best friend is only getting noticed because of you.

* “I don’t know, personally I prefer Henrietta the 3rds blood, but that’s just me” he’s lying, your blood is good and all, but it’s definitely still not on par with a humans blood

* He’s just trying to make you feel better.

* He rubs your shoulder, before patting it and moving to stand up.

* “Now come on, we have to make you eat some human food so you can throw up in front of the nurse and she lets us leave school early”

* You roll your eyes, anything to leave school early huh?

* “Yeah all right, lead the way Mr. Tall-Dark-and-Brooding”

* “Why do you always say that? I don’t brood that much anymore!”

* “You know how some people have resting b*tch face? You have resting brood face.”

* “Says the person who literally radiates despair” you shove him as you both walk towards the vending machine

* You take a deep breath as you watch Edward fumble with the vending machine

* The dork literally sticks a credit card up to the glass and demands the machine give him chips. 

* (Y/N/N) why isn’t this working? Am I supposed to insert my card through this slot?” 

* You laugh. You’re pretty sure he’s not doing this on purpose.

* “You’re supposed to use cash Edward.”

* You watch as he fumbles with his wallet muttering:

* “Do you think it’ll take a twenty dollar bill?”

* You watch in amusement as Edward tries - and fails- to use a twenty dollar bill, and then proceed to use obscure profanities to curse “this vile wretch of human technological advancement” 

* You feel a sigh of relief escape you.

* Yeah, everything is going to be fine. 

Tags:  @moonlights27 @thebluetint @the100thtwilight @awesomebooklover17 @oneofthepotterheads @smileygirl08 @imdoingathingmom @iconicgguk @yrawn @alyciaswhore @little-horror-show @wicked-watering-can @lazydreamers @xxxmuxxx @puritanicalhypocrite

[tacobacoyeet]

done | s.b. x reader

a/n: heheheh have fun crying. once again, a special thanks to @randomoutsiders and @fathermarty for being my test-readers :)

warnings: angst, mentions of sex but no smut, mentions of alcohol, sirius black x reader, a touch of dorcas meadowes x reader, profanity, tear-inducing pain, sirius black being an ass, mentions of murder

She didn’t know it was going to happen. She dreaded it, for sure, but she never thought Sirius Black would say those words to her. She never thought he would be gone.

“It’s over, y/n. I’m done with you.”

The words ricocheted around her brain like a bullet. As much as she wanted him to feel the same pain as her, she didn’t let it happen. Lily and Marlene’s constant anger did nothing but make her wonder if he was doing okay. He could break her heart over and over again, and she would still crawl back to him like a newborn baby. She didn’t know any better.

Sirius wasn’t getting off lucky either. The bruise on his cheek was finally starting to heal after Remus made it very clear that Sirius messed up. And James, despite being the lad’s best friend, spared no expense when making sure that the boy who hurt his first ever friend got what he deserved.

“y/n, you have to leave your room eventually. You haven’t even been eating. It’s not healthy, dove. I want you to be okay.” James visited y/n’s dorm every day to try to coax her out but nothing ever worked- until about week later, when Marlene, Remus, James and Lily had had enough.

“y/n, get your ass up,” Lily’s fiery personality came in handy quite a bit, but y/n wanted nothing more than for her to go away, at that point. “There’s a Ravenclaw party tonight and you know they always have the best liquor so we’re going and I’m not taking no for an answer.”

“Is Sirius going to be there?” y/n was already going to say no, whether he would be there or not, but she wanted to know if he was moving on or not. Obviously, she did something wrong, or so she thought, for him to break up with her so brutally and abruptly, so she wanted to know if he was doing okay. As much as she shouldn’t have, she still cared, despite the pain it was causing her.

“That’s irrelevant, love. You’re going. I still haven’t treated you to a drink as promised after you did my Astronomy essay last week, so come on. No better time than now.” James knew his friend better than anyone else. After growing up next door to each other for almost 17 years, he knew exactly what type of person y/n was: the kind that cared too much. He knew that Sirius would be there most likely with another girl, and he didn’t want y/n to know because that would only push her farther down into the pits of despair. 

“But I don’t want t-”

“You’re going. That’s final. Freshen up, we’re going in an hour.” With Remus finally silencing y/n’s protests, Lily and Marlene, much to y/n’s chagrin, dragged her out of bed and shoved her in the shower. 

“Don’t take to long in there, baby! Lils and I need time to do your makeup!” Marlene took y/n’s phlegm-filled groan as a positive response, and within an hour, the group of five was partying like it was the last night of their lives up in Ravenclaw Tower. Well, at least four of them were. 

y/n sat at the bar, nursing a large glass of liquid courage. As she watched her ex-boyfriend make out with some girl much more gorgeous than her, she grew angry. And then, she snapped. 

Within a split-second, y/n had Dorcas Meadowes up against the wall, lips locked like the only air left in the world was shared between the two of them. It was quite a coincidence that they happened to be directly in a certain dog’s line of vision.

“What the hell, y/n?” Sirius’s voice echoed across the room as the music stopped so people could witness the drama. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He made his way across the crowded room, seas of people moving out of the way as he passed by. 

y/n could not be bothered to stop and Dorcas hadn’t had this much fun in so long, so they paid no mind to what was happening until they had to. Sirius roughly grabbed y/n by the shoulder, spinning her around to meet his eyes.

“What do you want, Black?” Her tone was cold as she looked dead in his eyes and saw nothing but fire. Fire that shouldn’t be there. 

“I should be asking what you are doing. Last I checked, you have no right to be interrupting me.”

“But y/n, you don’t know what you’re doing! I’m trying to help yo-”

“No, Sirius. You aren’t helping me. You’re jealous. I’m sorry that you feel that way, but you need to back off. I have done nothing but care for you since the day we met. You were my first love, my first kiss, for fuck’s sake I gave you my virginity! But you threw all of that away with no explanation, and I don’t even want to hear it anymore. I’m done, Sirius. Get that through your head.”

Tears streamed unwillingly down y/n’s cheeks as she lowly began to tear Sirius apart. She owed him nothing, and he needed to know that. She wasn’t his toy anymore. As she spoke, she watched Sirius’s face grow angrier and angrier.

“You know what? Fine. You’re nothing but a selfish, ugly bitch. I never loved you anyway. You were so dependent on me, for what? I didn’t have to give you anything but I did because you needed my help. Anyone could see that you were delusional. And the sex was okay at best.” 

Sirius spewed lies from his mouth. He didn’t even know why. Nothing he was saying was true. y/n was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he was quickly burning ever last sliver of a chance that he may have had at possibly rebuilding their relationship. He watched as her tears dried and her eyes turned cold.

“Goodbye, Sirius.” Those were the last words he heard from the love of his life as she swift grabbed Dorcas’s hand and made her way out of the Ravenclaw commons. 

That was the last time Sirius saw her alive. Not even a week later, y/n’s body was found deep within the Forbidden Forest, only a trace of her attacker left behind. This was the start of a war that would continue for ages, until Sirius finally stopped losing people- until he, himself was lost. Until he found out that Voldemort was more than just a silly word.