#all copacetic

[fbfh]

me when I listen to I bet on losing dogs while therapying, hurt/comforting, un-angstifying billy bots on janitor

[a-continuous-cutting-motion]

My autism superpower is inflicting unannounced acronymization upon my close friends and family. I would be at home in the 1800s, aside from the whole being trans thing.

(source: The Atchison Globe, April 25, 1878.)

[breakingjustxn]

idk if im built different or something but terrifier 3 was NOT scary and instead funny imo // credits: @poppunkandpunkrock on instagram

[thecreativemillennial]

[desperatepleasures]

still reeling at how funny it is to me that in the council meeting in ep079 the von grantz chair is empty. like y'all it's been like 20yrs I think you're allowed to appoint someone to replace Treason Guy as the head of your territory

[llitchilitchi]

How do MR!dnf handle their relationship with the way things are now? They probably couldn't consider themselves lovers, not with so much going on and so much happened, I feel like there would be moments where they think about it, like a kiss, but don't want to overstep anything

their relationship is strange, to say the least. the last time they spoke was during the dethronement and it feels like a different lifetime, different people entirely. there is the obvious strain and hurt that they dance around and ignore, especially while Dream is recovering, and a strange sense of longing that they only allow themselves to fully embrace when they are all alone late at night. (and Dream wonders sometimes if trying to get closer, romantically, would spell doom to them both, or if George would take it only as Dream taking advantage to guarantee his own safety. either way, this is the one thing he does not want to turn into an attachment or a bargain.)

the possibility of their relationship turning into something romantic shows up only later, down the line, when George and Sapnap learn about the book, the Plan, about Punz and Ranboo and everything else, once Dream knows he can trust them again.

that being said, from the author's perspective, I never intended to make this a dnf au, or at least did not want the romance to be the centerpoint. I want things to be up for interpretation in the weird 'dnf being far too intimate and comfortable with each other and looking at each other with reverence and adoration' way that they have going on. though, looking back, a lot of the AU does revolve around the two of them, so I guess my subconscious took charge there :D

[styxnbones]

More Thoughts on Hidden Diablerie

so the other day i got an ask about Cass from a beloved mutual that prompted me to think a bit more in depth about the implications of Cass's Merits and Flaws- in my original conception of this character I picked Hidden Diablerie, Grip of the Damned, and Cast No Reflection mostly bc I was 12 and they all seemed cool. I also decided Hidden Diablerie was hereditary since Astrid was going to be a diablerist so I could justify giving Cass a low generation. But, the thing is right, that both of the flaws I picked are basically just the Hecata/Lasombra clan banes, and like I was always aware of this since part of Cass's characterization since the start had included pretending not to be a Malk by taking advantage of that- but it only just occurred to me that maybe it's not just Cass and Astrid that have the munchies for kindred souls, maybe their whole bloodline is a bunch of serial diablerists. And so, when you have sires of sires who are subsuming kindred of other clans into their blood and then going off and turning childer of their own, you get some funky cross contamination and end up with Malkavians who have agonizing bites but have never even met a Giovanni, who have strangely weak connections to the madness network, who have much more subtle expressions of their own clan bane... and that got me thinking hey what if Cass's sire's sire's sire or whatever *was* actually involved in the Great Prank, but didn't catch the Dementation discipline bc they ate a Lasombra last week and didn't register as enough of a Malkavian at the time

[wordgoods]

copacetic | ˌkōpəˈsedik.

adjective

INFORMAL•NORTH AMERICAN

in excellent order. "he said to tell you everything is copacetic"

[coldbycrossfade]

i am simultaneously the most vehement grudge holder on the planet, and the most permissive "live and let live" dude ever and i dont know how

my grudges are incredibly arbitrary and my ability to forget and release grudges is equally arbitrary

[kingkatsuki]

— the ties that bind

I just needed to get this out of my system, because after catching up to Wind Breaker I got this idea in my head and I just hope it makes some form of sense outside the horny.

Endo would offer anything to Takiishi to make him happy, including you.

Pairing: Endo Yamato x Takiishi Chika x f!reader.

Warnings: 18+, angst, toxic!unestablished relationship, power dynamics if you really squint, threesome, one!sided feelings (on yours and Endo’s part), dirty talk, m!masturbation, fingering, double penetration (cock and fingers in your pussy at the same time), creampie, cum eating, cunnilingus.

Word Count: 2.4k.

You’re not even sure if Takiishi truly loves you, or whether you’re just another pawn in his sadistic game of chess. Manipulating you would be easy anyway when you’re so desperately in love with him.

“You’d do anything for me, wouldn’t you?” His thumb tugs at your bottom lip as you instinctively tilt your head, pathetically offering yourself to him as always. The option is his to take, his decision as always, “Anything.”

“Yes, Chika.” And perhaps he likes you because you always tell him exactly what he wants to hear.

Takiishi smiles at that and indulges you. Taking pity on you this time as he leans down to capture your lips in a fiery kiss, cradling your jaw in one of his palms as you feel yourself leaning into his touch. You like it when he’s like this— it allows you to trick yourself into thinking everything is copacetic.

“Is that good?” His lips curl into a smug grin against your lips. Already certain of the answer, though he’d never want you to lie to him.

And it is good, the lustrous euphoria that clouds your thoughts and leaves you in a delirious stupor. His balls are snug against the swell of your ass as he works to carve your cunt into the shape of his cock. Grinding against you as the coarse hairs at his base tickle your clit and have you clenching around him, sharp nails digging into the base of his skull as you pathetically writhe beneath him.

“Oh, fuck,” You sound out, chasing his lips. His mouth swallows the sound as he repeats the motion, delighting in the way your walls clench around his cock, “Chika.”

Takiishi pulls back to watch you now, drunk enough on the pleasure that crystalline tears clump in your thick lashes and your lips pout in a needy whine. The sight is completely debauched as he reaches out to palm one of your bouncing breasts, catching your nipple between his index and middle finger as he squeezes softly.

“You really are perfect, huh?” He continues, shaping his hand against the curve of your chest, grunting when you clench around him in response.

He’s like a drug, intoxicating and so damn addictive that you can’t stop yourself from coming back for another hit. His hands scorch your skin as he palms your breast, rutting into your warm cunt as his cock curves towards that sweet spot inside you.

He’s nothing like the man that everyone else gets to see, the strongest man in Furin's history. When you have him like this it’s easy to convince yourself that he’s something more— this soft side reserved just for you as he holds you in his arms and tells you he loves you. Except, he’d never say those words to you, would he?

“Told ya she was,” Endo smirks from behind you, and you’re brought back to your sickening reality.

It’s his fault you’re like this, after all.

“I thought she’d make you happy.” He scoffs, and you’re reminded of your stark reality, the real reason why you’re here, “I picked a good one, huh?”

Takiishi doesn’t answer, but instead gives another rough thrust into your tight cunt. Enough to have you crying out as Endo shamelessly flops down on his side onto the bed beside you, resting his head on his palm as he reaches out to pinch one of your taut nipples. His cock bounced from the movement as you noticed the globs of pre beading at the engorged tip, an angry pink that flushed down the length of him. Swollen balls, bulky and ready to give everything they’ve got to give to the man in front of you. Endo wrapped a calloused palm around his cock as he gave himself a lazy pump, smearing the opaline moisture along his length for lube as he pressed his thumb against his slit.

“She was a good choice.” Takiishi grunts, readjusting himself as he curls his hands beneath your thighs. Changing the angle as your walls clench around him, admiring the scars and welts that pucker against his chest.

And Endo delights in the praise, as though it was directed towards him. When the saccharine look in Takiishi’s eyes told otherwise— his softened irises almost convinced you that he cared.

It’s always been difficult to ascertain when he’s being deceptive but just as he enjoys playing this twisted game, you’ve started to play too. Like a pawn whose only task is to protect the king, you’ve set your pieces up to guard your heart. Terrified to admit to him how you feel, although you’re certain he can tell. He’s always been perceptive, after all.

“I’d do anything for you,” Endo continues stroking his cock, squeezing his palm around the girth of it, “You know that.”

And once again, that’s your stark reminder that none of this is real.

Takiishi had told you he cared for you before. One night below the stars when you were alone together, sharing a split bottle of whisky as you felt the breeze whip at your ankles. He’d only allow himself to be vulnerable when there was no one else around, no distractions. Or as vulnerable as Takiishi was capable of being, you supposed. But you wondered if he’d say the same to Endo when he was in the same position, all doe eyes and soft smiles as he cups your beating heart in a calloused fist and squeezes tight.

Endo always said Takiishi was a blazing inferno that consumes everything it touches indiscriminately, without a care for others. And that was probably why you’d both be going down in the blaze. Fooling yourself into believing that you would be able to avoid the fire when you should’ve known it was destroying you from the inside.

“You like that?” Takiishi murmured, “You like me fucking you into the shape of my cock?”

But maybe you were just as sadistic as them, indulging in the pain laced with such frivolity. Letting them use you however they see fit, under the guise that they actually care about you— that they love you.

“Yes,” You whined, trying feebly to match his pace. Wanting to prove to him that you were the right choice, that you’d do anything to make him happy. It disgusted you how much you’d bend your back to appease him, how much you were willing to give of yourself to receive next to nothing in return. You could only blame the pleasure clouding your mind for so much before the lusty fog cleared to a haze of realisation.

“Good girl.” He liked that answer, he always did.

Takiishi rewarded you with a particularly harsh thrust, as he pulled his hips back enough to drag his drenched cock from your silky depths before plunging it back in with a sudden rut.

“Her pussy sounds so fuckin’ wet.” Endo smirked at the lewd sound that filled the room, “She’s so noisy.”

“You always take me so well,” Takiishi murmured so softly, you’d mistake it for kindness. Smoothing a palm against your pelvis as he felt for his cock inside you.

“Yeah, and she likes it,” Endo scoffed, “Just look at her— you like being stuffed full, huh?”

He reached down to press two tattooed fingers against your puffy clit as you gasped in pleasure. Arching your back into his touch as Takiishi continued his rough pace, fucking you higher up the mattress from the ferocity of his thrusts as his red hair cascaded around him.

“Bet Chika’s stretching you out,” His fingers continued lower, spreading into a V on either side of Takiishi’s cock as they squeezed softly. The heel of his palm was now flat against your clit as you watched Takiishi’s eyes roll in pleasure, manicured nails digging into the plush of your thighs as he sought his high.

“This is the best gift yet, right Chika?” Endo grins, “Isn’t she the best gift?”

“Yeah,” Takiishi smiles down at you, and it has you falling even deeper, “You did good.”

Endo practically keened at the praise, a garbled sound akin to a whine slipped past his lips as slender hips bucked into his closed fist. And while Endo would say Takiishi is the king in this twisted game, you know him better. He’s like a rook, moving straight across the board to strike down every dispensable shield you’ve placed to guard your heart as he gets in through a hole in your defences.

“Fu-uck,” Endo groaned when he began to press two of his tattooed fingers into your warm, wet cunt above Takiishi’s cock. Feeling the stretch between your thighs as you writhed against tousled sheets, immediately clamping down in defence.

“Relax.” Takiishi smoothed a palm along your sternum, feeling the harsh doldrums of your heart as though on command you released the breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding.

Feeling Endo wiggle his fingers inside you with glee as the pair moved in tandem, calloused pads hitting the spongy spot inside you with each flick of his wrist as the blunt head of Takiishi’s cock carved your insides into the shape of him.

“You’re so big, Chika,” Endo continued, a groan vibrating low in his throat as he felt you tighten around him, “Are you gonna cum?”

The question wasn’t directed at you but the coil inside you wound tight, leaving you teetering on the edge of your bliss as you waited for something to have you free-falling.

“Shit,” Takiishi rasped, practically curled over you as his hips jerked, his pace faltering as he felt the pleasure building between his thighs.

“Fuck,” Endo growled, a toothy smile spread against his cheeks as he pressed harder against your g-spot, “Fuckin’ cum for me.”

It wasn’t directed at you, but the command had you convulsing, dipping into a high crescendo as you met your climax. Your walls fluttered around the two men as pleasure consumed you. White spots blurred your vision as you barely made out the feeling of Endo ripping his fingers from your warm cunt and moving his hand, still soaked with your slick, to Takiishi’s heavy balls. Moulding them beneath his fingers as he worked to push him over the edge, sitting up on the mattress to get a front-row seat at the debauched view in front of him.

Takiishi was wordless as he came, a guttural grunt forced from deep in his chest the only sound as he fisted the sheets on either side of you. Endo’s hand still milking his balls as he pumped white, hot spurts of cum inside your spent cunt, coating your velvety walls with his release.

“You’re so pretty when you cum.” Endo cooed, watching as Takiishi pulled out of your pulsing hole. His cock glistened with your essence as you left creamy pearlescent rings around the base of his cock.

Takiishi pulled back to assess the gape he’d left between your thighs, watching your hole pulse as it pushed some of his spend out of your abused hole. His cock bobbed in the air as he readjusted himself, reaching out to swipe two fingers against your messy folds to push his load back inside you. Offering the digits to you after as he smoothed them against your glossy lips like a man offering someone a chance to sample the sweetest ambrosia. And you took it gratefully, rolling your tongue around his fingers as you tasted the bitterness of him.

“Clean her up,” Takiishi commanded, pulling his spit-soaked fingers from your mouth as he wiped them against the side of your cheek, “Then you can have my cock.”

Endo gave his cock a final tug before moving his sticky hands to your thighs. Slipping his palms beneath the curve of your knees to manhandle you roughly, as though you were nothing more than a doll. And in reality, that’s exactly what you were— a toy for them to play with when they both got bored.

Your aching thigh held upright as he pushed your ass in the air, your back off the mattress as he pressed the flat of his tongue along your creamy slit. Collecting the cum that your fluttering walls had pushed out of you that drooled down towards your asshole as he cleaned you up.

“You taste so good,” He groaned, greedily pushing his tongue inside your stretched hole to slurp at the mixture Takiishi left behind as his nose nudged your overstimulated clit.

It wasn’t for your pleasure, it rarely was when it came to Endo and yet he still managed to have your eyes rolling back in a matter of minutes as you trashed against the dirty sheets.

Takiishi sat back to watch like he always did, his cock still half-hard and glistening with your slick. Just another part of the vicious cycle that you found yourself in, match after match in a sick game where he always came out as the victor.

Your hand flew out to card through Endo’s messy hair when you felt his teeth nip at your folds in his urgency, crying out as he shot you an apologetic smile.

“Sorry, baby,” He cooed, his voice laced with condescension, “I thought you could handle it.”

This wasn’t for your pleasure, it was for his. And yet he still had the coil inside you snapping as he forced you into another gratifying climax. Crying out as your entire body shook from the intensity, your nails stretching against his scalp as he pulled away with glee. Your juices drooled down his chin as he looked to Takiishi, not to you.

“It’s my turn now, yeah?” Endo licked his lips with glee, shamelessly ogling Takiishi’s cock, “You can fuck me, if you want—”

And once again you were reminded of the real reason why you were here, why Endo had picked you in the first place. Another twisted idea is to try and give Takiishi the best time of his life. To prove his love and devotion to a man who would never give him the same kind of reward.

The cloudy lust-filled haze that shrouded your mind now transforms into an almighty storm that has thunder and lightning crashing down around you. Ruining the perfect fantasy you’d concocted and convinced yourself was real.

For now, you were just another player in their sick and twisted game. Because they both want everything from you, but they give you nothing in return.

[lilacmingi]

CAPTAIN HOOK (DISNEY VILLAINS AU)

My works are 14+ ONLY. If you’re under 14 DO NOT interact with me or any of my works. NO SPAM-LIKING PLEASE

Pairing: Captain Hook!Yunho x fem!reader (ft Oneus + Dongmyeong from Onewe as The Lost Boys hehe)

Word count: 4,600

You huffed, pushing past the thick plants in front of you, large leaves smacking against your arms and face as you trekked ahead.

You just escaped those rambunctious group of guys who call themselves The Lost Boys—they were horrid. No manners, no respect, and certainly no dignity. Their leader was just as awful and drove you mad with all of his whooping and hollering.

You thought maybe they'd help you out, seeing as they were the only people you'd seen on this dreaded island, but all they did was party and play pranks.

Quite frankly, you couldn't stand it. So, you left. You'd rather be alone and lost in this dense forest than be stuck with those hooligans.

Now, here you are, trying to find your way through the thick greenery that overtook the majority of this forest; it seemed never-ending, like you were going around in circles. Everywhere you turned looked exactly the same, until you came to a small clearing.

You let out a huff, taking in your surroundings.

"Now what?" You inquired aloud, exasperated from pushing all the plants away from you.

You stood for a while, wondering where to go next. You turned left, trees and a thick overgrowth of leaves. You turned right, same thing. No matter where you went, each direction was akin to the other. You couldn't tell a difference between left and right, forward and backward. Next thing you knew, you had forgotten which way you came from.

"Seems like you're lost."

The new voice that seemed to come out of nowhere was accompanied by the rustling of leaves.

You spun around to face the man, stopping when you realized it was someone new—a person you hadn't seen before.

So there are other people here. You thought to yourself.

His attire was much different than that of the Lost Boys. Their clothes were messy and unkempt; shirts covered in dirt and tucked haphazardly into their patched trousers.

This man before you was dressed in a copacetic ensemble.

He wore a white dress shirt with ruffles around the collar, a deep maroon colored leather coat that draped behind him, and pants that matched the coat. His boots looked rather shiny despite him obviously traipsing through the dense undergrowth. One peculiar thing you noticed was that he had a hook for a hand. You'd be lying if you said the menacing appendage didn't put you on edge.

"I'm not lost." You lied, keeping your guard up.

"You're lying."

"Listen, I don't know who you are, but I don't need help from you. I don't need help from anyone here." You spoke rather snappily, taking a step back.

Big mistake.

In an instant, a huge net emerged from the ground, yanking you upwards and trapping you inside.

The net swung back and forth due to the momentum of your whole body being snatched up into the air.

"This day can't possibly get any worse." You grumbled to yourself, wiggling around in the trap that was no doubt set up by the group of troublemakers—that's how you ended up with them in the first place, after all.

The man stood below, staring up at you with the most smug expression you had ever seen.

"What was it you said about not needing help from anyone here?" He smirked.

You scowled down at him.

"You know, I could be of service to you." He pulled the left side of his coat back, revealing a sword. "If you'll accept my help."

"I can get myself out, thank you very much."

"Okay, you have fun with that." He crossed his arms, staring up at you with an amused expression.

You wiggled around, hoisting yourself up by grabbing near the top of the net. You attempted to get into a standing position as you balanced on the netting below. This worked for a moment only to fail miserably when you lost your balance and your foot slipped through the netting.

"Need my help, now?" The man asked, quirking a brow.

"Fine." You huffed.

"Alright. I'll get you down... if you tell me your name."

"Why should I tell you that?"

"So you can get out of that awful trap you're in." He answered.

You opened your mouth to say something, but the man spoke again.

"Need I remind you, you just failed to get out on your own."

"Fine, I'll do it."

"Tell me your name first."

"Cut me down first."

The man made a tsk sound and shook his head. "No can do. I'm not cutting you down until you tell me your name."

"That's not happening."

"Alright then. I hope that net is comfortable, because you'll be stuck there all night."

"My name is Y/n." You told him, fed up with his stubbornness.

"What was that?"

"Y/n is my name."

He grinned proudly, pulling his sword from its sheath.

"Wait." You spoke up, clutching the net. "I'll fall if you cut it."

"It's just a five foot fall. It's not that bad."

You shook your head.

"I'll catch you."

Your eyes went to the hook on his left hand, staring warily at the sharp weapon.

"It's fake." He told you.

After you gave him a skeptical look, he pulled the hook off and tossed it aside, showing you his hand—his very pretty hand.

"See? I only wear it to intimidate people."

"Alright. Go ahead and cut me down."

He slung his sword towards the rope that was holding up the snare trap, which was cut in half immediately. He hastily stood underneath you, catching you just in time.

You let out a grunt as you landed roughly in his arms. When you looked up at him, you were breathless, and it wasn't from the fall. Sure, he was good-looking from afar, but even more so up close. His dark hair hung neatly around his features, the deep red highlights in his locks showing in the sunlight.

You quickly cleared your throat. "You can put me down now."

He then placed you on the ground and helped to remove the net.

"Those stupid boys set that up, I have no doubt." You huffed.

"You mean The Lost Boys?" The man asked.

"Yeah. Them." You grimaced.

"Troublemakers, aren't they?"

"Very much so." You sighed. "Anyway, thanks for getting me out of that. I should get going now."

"Wait." The man stopped you. "Where will you go?"

"I don't know. Somewhere."

"Why don't you come with me?" He asked, putting the fake hook back over his hand. "You know, I could use a woman on my crew."

"Your crew?"

"Of course. There's plenty of room on my ship."

"Your ship?"

"Ah. I haven't introduced myself. The name's Yunho. Captain Yunho."

"A pirate?" You questioned, quirking a brow.

"Of course." He grinned proudly. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

"I can't say I expected to see pirates here."

"Then you clearly don't know Neverland."

"Neverland? Is that what this place is called?"

"It is. You don't seem to know much about Neverland."

"Of course I don't. I'm not from here."

"That explains why you don't know your way around. Why don't you allow me to assist you? I could even give you a place to stay."

You narrowed your eyes at Yunho, still a bit suspicious of him.

"If you come with me you can stay on my ship with me and my crew."

You mulled the idea over in your head for a moment. This man did seem much more sensible than those scoundrels. Part of you would much rather go with this pirate as opposed to being out in the woods alone, falling into traps and running into animals.

"Alright."

"That's a yes, I presume?"

"It is."

"Very well then." He smiled. "Follow me."

The two of you trudged through the dense overgrowth of foliage and evergreens until the thick vegetation became more sparse. You emerged from the verdure and were met with the stunning view of a beach. The crystal clear turquoise waters beyond the shore were sparkling under the sunlight. Situated out in the water was a magnificent ship sitting proudly in the endless ocean.

"That's your ship?" You asked, your mouth hanging open in awe.

"That it is." He beamed, gazing out at the nautical vessel. "The Jolly Roger."

"Wow."

Yunho proceeded across the beach. You hurriedly followed behind, kicking up sand as you did so. The captain was tall and had long legs that carried him further than yours, so it was difficult to keep up, especially in the sand.

The Jolly Roger was even more impressive up close. The monstrous vessel towered over you and Yunho, bobbing ever so slightly with the waves.

"Come on." Yunho instructed, stepping down the dock.

You followed the pirate up the gangplank and onto the ship where one of his crew mates approached him, looking a bit frazzled.

"Captain, there you are." He seemed relieved.

"I told you I was going for a walk." Yunho told him.

"Yes, but you were gone longer than I expected." The man explained. He then glanced at you with a bewildered expression. "Who is this?"

"This is Y/n."

"A woman?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that, Smee?" Yunho asked, eyeing the man who you assumed was Smee.

"N-no, sir. Not at all." He shook his head frantically.

"Good." Smiled Yunho. "Let's set sail."

The wind pushed on the large sails, propelling the giant ship forward, away from the dock. You stood with your arms resting on the rustic wooden railing of the ship, watching as it departed. You could feel the crew's eyes on you letting you know that women on the ship was probably very uncommon, perhaps even taboo. You hoped that you made the right decision choosing to come onto this ship.

You heard the soft thumping of boots behind you, turning your attention to the sound. Yunho approached the railing, a soft smile on his face.

"Your crew is staring." You pointed out.

"Well, they're not exactly used to seeing women."

"Ever? At all?"

"There aren't many women here. Except mermaids, of course."

"Mermaids?" You asked, a hint of excitement in your tone.

"Yes." Yunho nodded. "They have their own lagoon where they hang around. I wouldn't get close if I were you, though."

"Why?"

"They'll drown you. They're rather jealous of women."

"Oh." You frowned.

You thought mermaids were supposed to be nice—apparently not.

"Would you like some fresh clothes?" Yunho offered. "Yours are a little dirty."

You glanced down at your current attire, seeing that it was indeed a mess. There were even some tears in your pants.

"Oh." You muttered. "I suppose I do need a fresh change of clothes."

"Follow me." He gestured, leading you across the deck and down into the sleeping quarters.

Yunho pushed open a door revealing what you assume to be his room. He began rummaging through a wardrobe, pulling out a shirt and pair of pants.

"I hope you don't mind wearing men's clothes."

"Not at all."

"I don't have any boots that would fit you, but I'm sure we can sort something out." He mentioned, handing the clothes to you.

"My shoes will be just fine for now." You assured him. "Thank you."

"You can change in here. I'll step outside."

You gave him a small nod as he left the room. As soon as you heard the door close, you began changing, tossing your soiled clothes onto the floor.

The garments Yunho gave to you were a bit big, but it was nothing you couldn't handle. Plus, you were grateful to have to have clean clothes that weren't stained with dirt and grass.

You gathered your old garments from the floor, wadding them up before opening the door.

Yunho pushed himself off the wall he was previously leaned against and turned to you, a soft blush blossoming on his cheeks.

He didn't realize how appealing you would look in his clothes. He was merely trying to assist you.

"Are they comfortable?" He managed to ask.

"They are."

"You might need a belt or something. That shirt is a little baggy. I have just the thing."

Yunho stepped into the room, momentarily removing his fake hook, and retrieved a scarf from his wardrobe. He held it up with a smile.

He approached you, his eyes meeting yours as he held the scarf out, as if you ask permission to proceed. You nodded and lifted your arms, allowing him to tie the thin scarf around your waist. You watched as his delicate and beautiful hands worked to tie the fabric, ensuring that your shirt fit better.

"There." He hummed to himself. "That should be much better now."

He turned around and retrieved his hook, slipping it back over his hand.

"Now, would you like a tour of the ship?"

"I would love that."

It had been four days since Yunho brought you into his ship and you couldn't be happier. You genuinely enjoyed your time with the captain and being at sea was more exciting than you thought it would be. Yunho and his crew often had celebrations on the deck, singing sea shanties and dancing like there was no tomorrow. The partying was often accompanied by some sort of alcohol.

During one of these celebrations, you and Captain Yunho shared a dance, which was so much fun and your favorite moment with him thus far.

"We're docking for a bit tomorrow to restock supplies." Yunho told you as you made your way to bed.

"Where do you get supplies?" You inquired.

"We scavenge the land for anything we can find and trade when we have to."

"Ah. How long will that take?"

"Not long. An hour, maybe two?"

"Okay." You nodded, letting out a yawn.

"You should get some rest." Yunho said.

You gave a sleepy nod.

"Goodnight." He whispered, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead.

The gesture made your heart jump, but you were too tired to think about it too much.

Once you docked on the beach, you decided to stretch your legs a bit. Yunho's crew got to work quickly, scouring the land for anything they could use. You felt bad just standing and watching, so you asked if you could assist anyone. Yunho politely declined, insisting that you just relax, so you did. Letting out a sigh, you made yourself comfortable on a rock that had been warmed by the sun.

Yunho and his crew went their separate ways, leaving the beach empty and vacant. You stretched your arms and legs, letting out a long sigh as your body relaxed, the heat radiating from the rock soothing your muscles.

Moments later, someone's hand clamp over your mouth, causing your eyes to snap open. Your first instinct was to try and escape, which is exactly what you did. You began to writhe and wiggle, trying to squirm out of your assailant's grip.

You somehow managed to catch a glimpse of the person who currently had their hand over your mouth. It was Hwanwoong, the rowdy leader of The Lost Boys. Seeing him prompted you to try even harder to get away. You even tried to scream, hoping to get someone's attention.

"Shh! Do you want them to hear you?" Hwanwoong hissed.

You struggled in his hold as he dragged you across the beach and through the sand. He was quick to pull you towards a small strip of land away from the main island. He then towed you to a nearby tree line where you saw the dreaded group of six boisterous boys you had escaped from days before.

Once shielded by the trees, Hwanwoong removed his hand from your mouth, but kept a tight hold on you.

"What are you doing?" You whispered harshly.

"What does it look like? We're rescuing you." Hwanwoong stated.

"I don't need to be rescued."

"Oh no. He's already gotten in her head." Keonhee voiced.

"She's been fooled. We need to get her back to the burrow as soon as possible." Seoho stated.

"We'll have to put her in containment for a while until she realizes that she's been brainwashed by pirates." Hwanwoong shook his head, a somber look on his face.

"What? I haven't been brainwashed. I want to stay with the pirates."

"It's worse than I thought." Dongju gasped, dramatically.

"She thinks she belongs with them." Dongmyeong added. "Look. She's even dressing like them."

"That's not—" Before you could finish your sentence, Geonhak came up and tied a piece of cloth around your mouth, the piece of fabric between your teeth, preventing you from speaking.

"Sorry, Y/n." Geonhak apologized quietly. "It's for your own good."

You tried to respond, but it was muffled.

Keonhee approached you with a serious expression as he tied your hands together tightly.

"Alright boys, let's go." Hwanwoong ordered.

You had no choice but to follow them. There were seven guys all around you, there was no way you'd be able to escape.

"Don't worry, Y/n." Dongmyeong spoke up, slinging his arm over your shoulder. "You'll be back to normal soon."The boys took you back to their burrow and put you inside a homemade cell with wooden bars. You wanted to escape, but your hands were tied up and they kept a close eye on you all the way back, so you had no choice but to comply. The only good thing is that Hwanwoong removed the cloth from your mouth, however, your hands were still tied.

"Fellas, this calls for a celebration. We have our dear Y/n back!" Hwanwoong announced.

It didn't take long for the burrow to erupt in chaos. Every single one of them were yelling and throwing stuff across the room. You dropped your head.

This is exactly the behavior that made me want to leave in the first place. You thought to yourself.

"Y/n, aren't you happy to be back?" Dongju asked, approaching your cell, dirt smeared on his face thanks to his twin brother.

"I was happy right where I was." You snapped.

He pressed his lips together, shaking his head in disapproval. Keonhee then showed up, giving Dongju a pat on his back.

"Don't worry. A few days in there and she'll be back to normal." He assured his friend.

"I am normal." You groaned. "What don't you understand?"

"That filthy captain has her mind all mixed up." Dongju grimaced.

"Don't worry yourself. We have her back and that's all that matters. Let's celebrate!" Keonhee dragged Dongju away and back to the "party" leaving you to yourself.

Your finger traced patterns into the dirt floor, a sigh leaving you as you did so. You wondered if Yunho knew you were gone. Would he come looking for you? You would have assumed if he were looking for you, he would be here.

What if he doesn't come back? What if he didn't even notice you were gone?

The two of you had so much fun together over the last few days, you thought maybe you both had a connection.

You shook away the thought, finding it ridiculous that you would even think he'd abandon you, especially after all the fun you had.

Keeping your hopes up was harder than you presumed. The more time passed, the more you thought Yunho may not care about you as much as you thought he did.

He'll never come back and get me. You thought. He was only helping me because I didn't know the area. He'll probably forget about me if he hasn't already.

Meanwhile, Yunho was beginning to worry. Him and his crew were back on the ship, but you had yet to return.

"Captain, what's wrong?" Smee asked.

"Y/n hasn't come back yet. It's time for dinner and she's not here."

"Weren't you keeping an eye on her, sir?"

"I couldn't. Some of the crew needed my help."

Yunho remembered telling you to relax after you offered to help. He saw you lounging on a rock near the water not long after. You looked beautiful with the sun shining down on you, making your skin glow. Next thing he knew, one of his crew mates approached him asking for his assistance. When he came back, you were gone. He assumed you had gone on a walk and decided to wait for you, but you never showed.

"She can't have gone far." Smee assured Yunho.

"I don't think she would have ran off."

"You don't suppose something bad happened to her, do you?"

"I don't know." Yunho murmured, panic slowly rising in him.

He knew you were unfamiliar with the land and worried that you had wandered off to a place you didn't know. He didn't know if the mermaids had gotten you or if a crocodile had eaten you.

"We have to go find her, now." Yunho stated firmly.

"It's too dark. The sun has set, we won't be able to do a proper search, even with lantern light." Smee tells the worried captain.

"Then we'll go first thing tomorrow." He turned towards his crew who seemed to have noticed his uneasy behavior.

"What are you all looking at?" He snapped.

Everyone immediately got back to work, turning their attention away from the stressed Captain.

The next morning, Yunho woke up bright an early, preparing for his search.

Yunho knew that you had previously stayed with The Lost Boys and ran away from them. Having met these boys before, Yunho knew exactly where their hideout was. He's had some disagreements with the boys before, so this wouldn't be his first time in their burrow.

He gathered some of his crew mates to assist him in case things got ugly.

"I know exactly where to search first." He told his crew. "Follow me."

The group trekked through the forest, headed straight towards The Lost Boys' burrow.

Yunho didn't know if you were there or not, but going to the burrow first seemed to be his best bet.

You opened your eyes and sat up, your muscles stiff from sleeping on a thin blanket laid over the dirt floor.

"Morning, sleepyhead." Hwanwoong greeted, floating around the room.

You grimaced at him and turned away.

"Giving me the silent treatment, huh?"

You didn't answer.

"Listen, Y/n, we're only trying to help you."

"You're not helping." You snapped. "I was happy with Yunho."

"Oh, so you're on a first-name basis with that pirate."

"You guys just jumped to conclusions and took me away." You continued, angrily.

"But you were with us first."

The sound of someone coming down the slide to the burrow caught your attention, but only for a moment. You assumed it was one of the boys coming back from setting traps in the woods or whatever it was they do. That's why you were surprised to see who emerged from the slide.

"Yunho?" You gasped.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw you.

"Y/n. Thank goodness."

"What's going on?" Seoho asked, hurrying into the room.

"We're under attack." Hwanwoong answered, pulling out a small knife.

"Give Y/n back and no one gets hurt." Yunho spoke.

"She belongs to us."

"No I don't." You spoke up. "Hwanwoong, let me go."

"No. You chose us."

"I didn't choose you. I thought you guys were the only people that lived on this island."

Hwanwoong paused.

"After finding out all you guys wanna do is play pranks and make messes, I decided to leave." You told him. "That's when I found Yunho. He offered me a place to stay and I've quite honestly enjoyed my time with him."

Hwanwoong's brows pulled together as he turned to Yunho.

"You heard the girl. Now let her go." The pirate ordered, his hand hovering over the handle of his sword.

The rest of The Lost Boys were watching cautiously, waiting to see what would happen.

"So you don't like us?" Dongmyeong asked you.

"No, that's not it. You're all just too rowdy for my liking. I wouldn't enjoy my time here."

"And you're not brainwashed?" Hwanwoong asked.

You sighed. "No."

"C'mon boys." Yunho urged. "What do you say? Will you listen to the girl and let her go with who she wants to be with?"

Hwanwoong glanced back at the boys who all gave him small nods.

"Fine." He sighed, walking over to open up the cell door.

He untied your wrists and allowed you to reunite with Yunho. You immediately ran up and enveloped him in a hug, taking in his natural scent that was accompanied by a hint of salt water.

"I'm never leaving you alone. I don't wanna lose you again." Yunho whispered.

"Alright. You have Y/n back." Hwanwoong stated.

"Yes. Thank you. We'll be on our way now."

The boys all gave a small nod as Yunho guided you to a ladder that led above ground.

"Y/n." Seoho called out.

"Yes?"

"Will you come and visit every once in a while?"

You turned to Yunho who gave you a nod.

"Of course."

Yunho hadn't let go of your hand all the way back to the Jolly Roger, even now that you were safe and sound on the ship, he kept his hand clasped with yours. The vessel departed from the dock. You and Yunho stood and watched as you drifter further away from land.

"I'm so glad you're okay." Yunho spoke up, his hand squeezing yours. "I thought something bad happened to you."

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you had wandered off and that the mermaids got you, or even a crocodile."

"Nope." You chuckled. "Just kidnapped by heathens."

"I'm relieved. You getting kidnapped made me realize some things and l'd like to tell you them if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind. Go on."

"I've really enjoyed my time with you over the past few days. You've brought immense joy to not only this ship, but me as well. I know we've only known each other for less than a week, but I care deeply for you and, if I'm being honest, I've grown quite fond of you."

Yunho's confession made you feel warm inside. No one had ever said that to you before and it made you happy. The pirate was right, you had only known him for five days now, but you felt exactly the same as him.

He brought so much joy to you as well. You were more than grateful that he offered his assistance and gave you a place to stay. He stayed on top of his duties as captain, but also made time to check on you and show you around the ship

"I've grown fond of you as well." You admitted.

Yunho smiled hearing that as he turned to face you. He seemed to have a natural glow to him as he gazed into your eyes, his heart pounding. Slowly, he inched his face closer, letting you know what he wanted.

You leaned in, closing the space between you and Yunho, your lips colliding. The kiss was short, but lingered on your lips even after Yunho pulled away. You glanced down at your feet, feeling bashful after the brief kiss.

Yunho place his finger under your chin, tilting your face up to look at him.

"I have captain duties to tend to, but maybe later tonight you and I can have ourselves a little date." He quirked a brow, the corner of his mouth tilting upwards.

Your lips pulled into a smile. "I'd like that."

Hongjoong:Hades ⟡ Seonghwa: Maleficent ⟡ Yeosang: Evil Queen ⟡ San: Cruella de Vil ⟡ Mingi: Dr. Facilier ⟡ Wooyoung: Hyena ⟡ Jongho: Gaston

Masterlist ᝰ — enjoyed this imagine? reblogs & comments are very much appreciated!

DO NOT steal, plagiarize, copy, repost, alter, or translate my works in any way

🏷 @h3arteyes4mingi @weird-bookworm @poppy2007 @parkjennykim @evidive @mxlly143 @lizzymizzy-blogg @minhanbyeol @dinossaurz @laylasbunbunny @iammeandmeisiam @delulu18

[8x06eddie]

love to think about buck thinking all his problems are solved re: eddie hanging out with other guys that are not him. he is like. everything is so copacetic now hehe✌️😙 he was only ever feeling weird about everything because he was soo into tommy. but now he's seeing him and eddie's not a threat to him and he understands his feelings now!! he won't ever dig for information from a 13 year old, play basketball, or maim his best friend ever again!! he's freeee!!! until eddie rolls up to the station one morning talking about some guy from the 133 he met at one of the chief's poker nights. *cue the record scratch and horror music that starts playing in buck's head* buck is like, "ha ha ha, are you going to do pickup basketball with him too? or no wait, don't tell me he can fly a helicopter too and he's going to fly you out somewhere ha ha ha ha" and eddie just looks at him like 🤨 and tells him, "no he can't fly, but yeah- he's into basketball too so we'll probably get into that," with a little shrug like it's no big deal. and buck- buck is trying to keep his composure but his brain won't stop spinning and suddenly he needs to have a good look at eddie's fridge calendar and figure out how to convince chim to join him for another pickup game

[autisticandroids]

kink/whump fics

alright. time for day 4 of @spnficrecfest: kink/whump fics. these will be majority but not exclusively destiel. there will be lots of gen and other pairings. and it's all gonna be one list this time so it's gonna be looooooong. arranged by section, and within sections, arranged by order of word count.

kink fics

starfish by copacet, .5k

dean has sex with cas, and cas is okay with it. [you might also like sensation (destiel) (2k)]. btw the only reason i'm not reccing another one of copacet's fics is because it's already on @explainslowly's reclist.

resetting by slopeslippers, 1k, chose not to warn

raphael/naomi. raphael watches naomi at her work and Feels Things.

killer queen by filthyfealty, 1k

deanpala. the thing that makes stanford era dean so special to me, personally, is not that he fucks his car. that's a given. the thing that makes him special is that he holds hands with his car.

service angel by fastandfilthy, 1k

cas is meg's creature, and meg is in heat. megstiel.

heavenly delights by lobotomycastiel, 2k

cas explores his unorthodox sexual fantasies. established destiel, but dean isn't exactly involved in the horniness.

selfish machines by redeyedwrath, 2k, chose not to warn

cas fantasizes about putting his hands inside dean. destiel, gore.

thou shalt not covet by lowkey_existential_despair, 3k, violence warning

the lazarus rising stab awakens something in castiel. destiel.

these cloistered rooms by trieduntrue, 7k

kind of a sex pollen, kind of a d/s pollen type deal. unrequited destiel.

subheading: genderplay of various types

handsome housewife by angelszn, 1k

cassie/fem!dean. fluffy feminization of butch dean in the bathtub. this fic thinks about bodies in a way that's really hot.

finer things by filthyfealty, 1k

masculinity fetishism. dean likes boys, so he likes when cas does boy things. which includes picking up girls. destiel.

his most treasured possession by omegavers, 2k

destiel dollification :3

it's an angel/demon thing by bleedingink, 4k

megstiel bodyswap :3.

they're playing dido in the hospital gift shop by spocklee, 17k

destiel. dean and cas meet in dreams. sexy dreams.

life skills by ilovehowyouletmefall should also be on here, but it's on @explainslowly's reclist for the first day.

subheading: pregnancy (both kink and whump)

in the darkness (of this gas'n'sip) by vaguesurprise, 1k

cas jerks off. destiel, pregnancy fetish.

descent by abstractsilver, 1k, chose not to warn and noncon warning

godstiel's favorite pets forget themselves. destiel and sastiel, stockholm syndrome, pregnancy.

pierce her by burnedpopcorn, 3k, chose not to warn and noncon warning

mary/john, mary/naomi. mary is in heaven and something is growing inside her. brainwashing and pregnancy fetish.

lindworms by ariasune, 14k

cas has a miscarriage. angst, body horror, destiel.

under the skin by lies_unfurl, 15k, violence warning

cas is pregnant with leviathans. gen, whump, pretty graphic body horror and torture.

jubilees by ghostyouknow, 17k, chose not to warn.

season five destiel pregnancy. body horror. uniquely miserable, a higher class of pregnancy whump.

this nervous condition by anonymous also belongs on here but i recced that already.

thin line between kink and whump

indigo by val_creative, .5k, chose not to warn (but i'm gonna break that and say: boy howdy, noncon warning on this one)

sam!meg/jo. exactly what you'd expect.

through the never by wednesday [one chapter of a larger collection], 1k, chose not to warn and violence warning

meg/jo. kidnapping and torture and rape.

there's a danger in lovin' somebody too much by vaguesurprise, 2k

destiel. brainwashing fetish and cnc. dean straps cas to the lobotomy chair.

kitten licks and cougar bites by vaguesurprise, 3k, chose not to warn

rowena/ofc. age gap, femdom, drugging, ritual sacrifice. you can infer the plot.

isaiah 65 by piesexuality, 4k

godstiel. destiel. mindwipenatural.

the horror of no detrimental redaction by sp8ce, 14k, violence warning

cas wants redemption. dean is there to help. destiel, torture, whump.

thy will be done by dogsled, 15k

fairly extreme bdsm, extremely dubious consent. cas doesn't know it's demon dean, until he does. destiel.

fully whump

"we're going to get out of here" by angelfishofthelord [one chapter of a larger collection], 1k, violence warning

cas and mary escape from the men of letters. gen.

wrong end of the stick by softpaperwings, 3k

cas self-harms in the aftermath of jack's death. gen.

forget your troubles for they are many by aini_nufire, 6k

cas forgets everything that causes him pain. that includes the winchesters. gen. [you might also like it's such a mystery (the way you know me) (20k, destiel).]

anathema. by outpastthemoat, 7k

angsty, post-godstiel cas sickfic. destiel

the river by hal_incandenza, 17k, violence warning

an alternate version of the trap. destiel.

unholy terror by aini_nufire, 24k

cas is in the hospital after the events of a slightly altered 9x09. gen.

[transmutationisms]

thots on astrology? related, thoughts on mbti?

k i like that you guys just pop in my inbox from time to time and invite me to run my mouth about topics and concepts. like truly what else is this website for.

anyway astrology (& sorry, most of what i know here pertains specifically to europe in the middle ages onward) is genuinely such a bizarro historical case of a science whose core epistemological presupposition (a geocentrist and specifically anthropocentrist cosmology) has completely fallen out of favour in both popular and professional discourse, and i don't think most people appreciate how weird it is for astrology to continue existing with this degree of popular and mainstream participation lol. like most fringe science actually bothers to have some semblence of its own reactionary epistemology to fall back on; astrology just doesn't seem to care. it would be like if the medical guilds fully endorsed the position that blood is circulated in the human body by the heart, but then also recommended as treatments for clotting disorders medical practices that only make sense on the supposition that the liver is the origin of all blood and is continuously creating more of it. like no other science that i can think of tries to have it both ways to the extent astrology does. like, one reason phrenology and eugenics are bad comparison points here is because they're very much copacetic with post-enlightenment naturalism and evolutionary transpositions in the social sciences. astrology, like, intellectually is not and yet here it is anyway. ideology innit.

anyhow i assume the reason you asked about this in conjunction with mbti is because today's astrology is largely purporting to provide psychological analysis and is therefore more similar to a system like mbti than to the historical use of star-reading as a predictive science. obviously both astrology and mbti are deeply reactionary in this respect and belong to a larger trend toward attempting to categorise, measure, and taxonomise the psyche, tho an important difference here is that mbti has hereditarian elements, which no form of astrology that i know of does. i think astrology's shift in the personal-psychological direction has to do with a few different factors, including medical astrological practice (orthodox in the european middle ages, then varying degrees of heterodox from the early modern period onward) and self-help movements in the 20th century.

but in any case it, mbti, and similar attempts at psychometry are, like, staggeringly essentialist in conception and practice, and i do think their current popularity reflects some deeply reactionary tendencies amongst people who often (not always) consider themselves otherwise progressive or leftist. it's honestly kind of worrisome how many people will jump on a project that explicitly aims to define static and immutable human 'types' as long as it's dressed in quasi-spiritual or psy-scientific terminology. like i do think we all need to pause and think about the ideological ends and consequences of how we talk about each other and our bodies, minds, and birth circumstances 😵‍💫

[hexonthepeach]

perfume - k.dy

pairing: f4!nct doyoung x fem!reader (past johnny x reader mentions)

genre: hana yori dango/boys over flowers/meteor garden/f4 thailand reverse harem au (mild allusions and characterization only)

warnings:

bully-to-friends-to-lovers, established relationship, polyamory, dom!doyoung, glucose father adjacent, scent kink, control over food consumption/bathing (for scent kink purposes only), gratuitous use of the l-word by anti-romantics, angst/feelings, flashbacks and history

🔞 edging, cockwarming, orgasm denial, oral (m/f receiving), passionate sex, rough sex, spanking, creampie, bukkake, consensual negotiated kink (degradation, somnophilia), anal play (f receiving)

wordcount: 20k

author's note: this is a doyoung-centered continuation of my ongoing F4 au. it can stand on it's own but i recommend reading Dive for more context. Doyoung's role in the F4 is Sojirou Nishikado/So Yijung/Ximen/Kavin (playboy control freak) so this fic incorporates elements of his secondary romance within the original/adaptations, now with y/n.

read on AO3

fic headers / dividers credit to @ saradika + please do not repost

Freshman year, Kocher International. 

Head down in your books at lunch, trying so hard to escape scrutiny from above, you pretend to be no one. 

It shouldn't be hard to be nobody, otherwise ignored and immune to whatever social contract deliberates your life. In a better world you'd be invisible. It's a superpower you'd wish for much more over the usual playground answers of super speed or control of the weather. 

Let me be unobserved, you'd thought. Let me open a door and not worry about a bucket full of dirty mop water falling on my head or the inevitable posting of a grainy video of it, posted in a Telegram channel to fulfill some checklist made up by bored, rich monsters. 

Your four-generation-behind phone with its cracked screen proved useful in some regards; you never heard about these public pillories until some kind stranger sent you a screenshot of them, usually in the context of whatever plans they'd made to torture you again.

Every notification is already a pain, driving splintered glass into the pads of your fingers. Just now you're reading a text message from your father asking you to pick up more cheap instant noodles from the convenience store on your walk home to round out whatever scraps he's picked up from the local restaurant your mother bussed tables and cleaned dishes at when she needed extra money.

"Why is Saint Kim watching you?" your friend asks across the table. She's been looking up at the room this entire time, unable to give you even a moment of her attention or assistance to finish the English homework you'd been working on. You'd been rushing all day to finish it before afternoon class, after a late morning of delivery driving for your family's drycleaning business.

"Are you sure it's not the Devil?" you ask, parsing through the lines of a book you'd bought secondhand, trying to match verse for verse.

"No," she says, shaking her head when you finally look up. "Don't react. He's coming this way."

"Shit," you say under your breath, eyes flicking to your untouched lunch. "I need you to leave now. Take these trays and dump them and I'll meet you outside of 4th. If I make it."

You don't look up from your book as you mutter, but you follow her path and her hesitancy as she internally debates whether to heed your warning or watch from a safe distance.

Your handwriting becomes a scrawl of nonsense you have to cross out in sharp lines. You begin the verse again, holding your breath as you will your entire body and mind back to a manufactured calm. 

If you can't be invisible, you can at least play your role. You're copacetic by the time you see the tips of polished black wingtips beside you, before you hear the Saint clear his throat.

“Y/N.”

He drops a familiar, school-mandated clear cosmetics bag next to your ratty backpack. The already embarrassing stash of tampons and old chapstick has a new bounty including a "used" pregnancy test stick with a second line drawn in with pink gel pen jumbled into its contents.

"You left this . . ." he says, not finishing the sentence to indicate where he'd found it. You immediately hear a titter. Your flock of spectators is growing by the second and the useful idiot at its center seems wholly unconcerned.

"Thanks," you say, not bothering to look up or to even hide the bag. You keep writing, blindly, the English words just rounded shapes flowing from your shaking hand. 

Their kind fed off attention, your only defense is to starve them of it.

The Saint clears his throat, again. Apparently he’s not just unconcerned, he’s also unwilling to leave.

"Aren't you grateful Doie found it before someone else did?" You don’t have to look up to know it's Miranda who’s asked, glimpsing her manicure as she picks up your bag, green gems shining on perfectly-tipped nails. 

"Oh this must not be hers. I didn't think she could afford this."

You think she might be diving into the stash for one of the Lilies' pointed additions but no–you watch in horror as she plucks out the bottle of perfume you'd been carrying with you since your parents had gifted you a single, tiny box last Christmas. 

"Chanel?" she says, laughing. "No wonder you smell like my grandma."

"Probably a knock-off," another of the Lilies says. Ginger, by the sound of her grating voice. Her handwriting on the board in homeroom listing out your abortions is as familiar as the pink gel pen script on the extra large foil condom with xoxo slut written on it staring at you through the plastic.

"Definitely a knock-off. You have a nose, don't you, Doie?"

You look up, finally, at Saint Kim. He's alone for once–the other one, the Devil Kim that shadows him is still up on the second level, leaning on the railing over his shoulder. You watch the Saint’s small mouth turn into a moue of distaste, nose wrinkling at the proffered bottle.

"Authentic," he says, capping it before offering it back to you. Your field of vision is obstructed by that veined, pale hand–fingernails as perfectly groomed as the rich girls who surround him.

You reach up to take your most prized possession back only to find he doesn't let go, holding tight when you try to pluck it from his fingers.

"You should know . . . " he says, sniffing slightly.

You look up at him with alarm blazing in your eyes. Every word Kim Doyoung says to you writes your next damnation. You should ignore him, run, anything–but you can't look away once you've met his assessing gaze, his tall frame limned in the fluorescent cafeteria lights like he's carrying his own personal halo. 

Even seeing him at a distance every day can't depreciate how ethereally handsome he is. You know better than to swoon at that elegant face, night-black hair pushed away from his forehead. Beneath his family’s charities and his PR-scripted concern you know he’s just another ungodly creation birthed of nepotism and curated genes.

He leans in, carefully, musical voice a whisper. 

"You should know it doesn't suit you."

The laughter that follows is deafening.

No, you think. He's just as soulless as the rest of them.

“What do you mean actually sleep?" you ask, coyly, unbuttoning your romper. "Like after we . . . ?"

"I've managed 6 hours of sleep in 36 hours, y/n–” Doyoung seems to hesitate, dark eyebrows raising, hand pushing his hair back from his pale forehead. He snaps his laptop closed, at last, shoving it to the farthest edge of the bedside table.

No–you think–not hesitation. 

Frustration.

You've seen this man before. 

All work and no play made Saint Kim into a Prince of Hell. He'd spent the first 8 hours of your date day half-present–the other in the 4 hours of sleep he's gotten since some crisis at his family’s headquarters in London that usurped your vacation. 

A whole 2 days in which he hasn't held you at all. His rules, his chance, but you can't help but wonder what has him so clenched that he's barely even touched you since your date began at 6 am Bangkok time.

You'd taken two extra strength melatonin and slept like the dead, anticipating his early-riser schedule. Only you and God had to know you'd fallen asleep next to your day tour fit ready to be fucked in it. 

You’d made yourself so pretty only to find him in the kitchen hunched over his phone, laptop softly pinging with notifications. Doyoung had still been dressed in the clothes you'd seen him in the night before, ending his conference call to laser in on you hovering in the kitchen.

"Are you upset?" Doyoung asked.

"No," you'd lied, pushing the piece of paper he'd left the staff on the counter, his English handwriting crisp and formal. "What’s this?" 

"We have a few dietary restrictions today," he’d said. 

"Are you saying I am what I eat?" You’d asked, taking a bite of a plump strawberry. "Is this some kind of prep?"

"It's for the date," he'd said, resigned. "Just be patient with me."

Then he'd smiled, disarming you with a casualness you hadn’t seen on him in a long time, rubbing his eyes blearily under his thick glasses. 

"Can we go back to sleep?"

And so you'd settled into his grasp on your made bed, scrolling Insta and waiting for the inevitable alarm–which turned out just to be Jungwoo delivering two iced Americanos in some gambit of checking your progress.

"Missed the floating market opening?" Jungwoo asked, eyebrows raised at the sight of Doyoung face first in a pillow.

You'd silently mouthed your thanks, leaving the drinks to sweat on the bedside table as you changed into your second outfit of the day, occasionally drifting in to check on your sleeping beauty.

It was a rare delight to have him so vulnerable beside you, blanket rucked up beneath his chin and his white teeth visible past the sweet curves of his mouth. Without consciousness your partner for the day is just Kim Doyoung, the gentler side of the same creature who you knew would often choose a couch to watch serial television with you over a day trip if you wanted it. 

But this was different.

Now instead of using his precious time to fulfill what you'd felt promised in his casual brushes against your back when you'd finally traveled out, or the way he'd stroked your leg at brunch under the table (every bite chosen by him, of course), you're being railroaded into lying still while he sleeps. 

Again.

You continue undressing, letting him drink in the sight of the lingerie set he’d left in your room. You knew it was custom made by the way it lifted each curve he’d already had access to, tailored for you as if every millimeter of your body was to account for.

Doyoung's cheeks are hollowed, lip chewed. He pulls his glasses down and regards you even more as you continue to undress yourself.

"You do know what the word 'nap' means, don't you?"

"I'm not the one who hasn't slept," you say. "At least let me get comfortable."

His stare pierces into you as you turn around, stripping for utility rather than give him a show he clearly hasn’t earned. You check yourself in the floor-length mirror beside the bathroom, viewing yourself through his eyes as you pluck the lace over your curves to sit just right. 

“Do you like it?” you ask.

You may as well be speaking to the floor when you turn around, finding him buried in the pillows only by the dark fall of his hair.

“You can’t be that tired,” you say. 

You're used to taking a late afternoon siesta in peak summer but you're far too excited to even consider sleep right now. For one, it's sweltering–windows open to allow the noises of hawkers and traffic not far off to drift in.

Second, you've never been more turned on in your life. 

You can still feel the tingling in your toes from when he’d slipped his hand up under the hem of your shorts, teasing at the velvety smooth skin on your inner thigh as you tried not to choke on your mimosa.

You make your way to the bed languidly, crawling up the thick white duvet with a teasing smile.

"Just stay on your side of the bed, please," Doyoung says.

"Oh," you say, collapsing on top of the covers beside him. "Well you're no fun." 

"And you're impatient and uncouth," he retorts in a way that makes you wonder if he really means it. 

"Will you at least hold onto me?"

"Too hot." He rolls on his back, flapping his half-buttoned shirt in the breeze from the fans. You sigh dramatically, collapsing into the pillows in the middle of the bed. 

"You should get naked, then.” You say. “Don't be modest on my account."

He opens one eye to glare at you, finding you relaxed and inviting beside him. His throat bobs, gaze flicking to the ceiling.

"That year of celibacy really took a toll on you, didn't it? Two hours. Indulge me."

"Please, sir," you whisper. "I've been such a good girl."

It had been a stipulation of the F4’s latest deal–24 hours for you to recover from your first night before the gauntlet began. Doyoung had been more than strict about the terms, leaving you your own set of instructions including–not surprisingly–not touching yourself.

Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t think about masturbation constantly, at all hours of the day. He may as well have told you to try not to think about a white bear for how powerful the intrusive thought had taken over since then.

"You'll get your reward. Later," he says. He's an impassable wall, stretched out beside you, so you content yourself with staring at his profile. Even under these oppressive circumstances you appreciate the light dusting of freckles on his cheek brought out by the sun, the dark lashes dusting his cheeks over the slight bluish marks of sleep deprivation.

"Yes, sir."

It only takes a few minutes for him to snap at you again.

"Stop that," 

"Stop what?" 

"Getting so handsy."

You hadn’t even realized your hand had drifted over the plane of his belly under his white shirt, too absorbed with watching the muscles in his cheek spasm as you inched nearer. 

"Can I help it when you're right there?" you ask. "I thought this was your–"

Doyoung rolls you before you can slither any closer, pressing your back into the sheets with his hands on your wrists, knees digging into your thighs. 

If the intention was to get you to stop being uncomfortably turned on it has the opposite effect: you let out a moan of pleasure, legs twisting together for friction. He slams them shut between his own, groin pressed into yours.

He's as hard as you hoped, and you lift up into him to let him know you know it.

"If you don't behave I'll have to cancel this," he warns directly in your ear, sounding as choked as you feel. "I thought you were already trained." 

"Trained to fight back," you correct, pressing against him with your own strength.

"That's not trained," he says, lifting up. "I'll blame your lack of experience and experienced partners. Nothing we can't work on. Until then you'll follow my rules or I pull you from the game. Understood?" 

You let a few beats pass, accepting there's no way out and you don't have anything to throw back at him.

"Yes, sir," you pout.

"Now that's a good girl," he says.

Just as quickly as you were taken down you're let go, inhaling deeply now that you're not being pressed into the soft bed. 

"You really don't want to play with me before you sleep?" you ask, brushing your lips against his chin as he crouches over you. You’d be a liar if you didn’t say you enjoyed the way his nostrils flare a bit, working his pink bottom lip between his teeth. Whatever arbitrary rules he’d set for your time together you can tell he’s at least regretting it right now, stiff length brushing against your bare leg as you lift your knee to test it. 

“Are you trying to make me punish you?” he asks, voice husky. 

"I thought you liked it when I was a brat," you say, cocking your head. 

Doyoung sighs, eyes half-lidded. "I do. But not when you're using it to avoid intimacy."

Your throat clenches, a hard knot forming in it you can't seem to swallow as your face gets even hotter.

“What are you talking about?” you ask. 

“I think you know what I mean,” he continues. “It’s not like we both don’t have a habit of using sex as a distraction from anything emotionally challenging.”

You gape up at him in disbelief. 

Of course you’d never been able to hide that aspect of your last relationship with him when he’d often been right outside the door. All of the F4 knew how many times your arguments with he-who-should-not-be-named-especially-not-while-in-bed-with-his-best-friend had ended in you shutting him up by any means necessary. Not that you didn’t enjoy it at the time–but rather you understood it wasn’t the most healthy template for a relationship. 

"I thought this wasn't going to be about feelings," you blurt out.

“Proving my point.”

Doyoung tsks, tapping your cheek with his fingers–nowhere near a slap but just as effective, soothing the spot with his thumb. Soon he’s brushing your tears away when they inevitably spring up and you have to turn to hide their seep into the mass of pillows.

"If I wanted therapy I wouldn't be here, Kim Doyoung," you say, trying to bury your face in the piles of soft down. 

“Shh, silly girl,” He gently pulls you out from hiding, soothing you with a warm kiss against your forehead when you stop struggling and let him hold you, releasing that surge of emotion and writing it off to hormones and the sting of rejection.

“You know I’m speaking to myself here, too,” he states softly. “Bear with me, I’m learning.” 

"Do you even really like me?" you ask, face pressed into his chest. 

It’s horrible to admit this specific insecurity but you can’t help it. Being abandoned multiple times in your life when you’d finally, finally let your walls down would damage anyone’s trust. You’d hoped this day with him would be easy and carefree and light, not dimmed by the shadows of your anti-romantic histories. 

"I adore you, actually." He settles partially on top of you, leg wrapped over yours as he props himself up on his elbow. "Which is why I want to start this right. You wanted the F4 boyfriend experience. This is mine."

"Last I checked you’ve never seriously dated anyone," you groan, sniffling. 

"Last I checked, neither have you." 

Well, that connects. You swallow your fears, relaxing into the cage of his embrace, retreating a little from the vulnerability of being exposed.

"What kind of girlfriend experience were you expecting, then?"

A lazy smile gusts across his features. You can't help but find it a bit sinister after being handled so indelicately. 

“I don’t always know what’s going on in that empty little head of yours." He accompanies his statement with a brush of his thumb across your flushed cheek, tracing your semi-parted lips in a way that sends sparks down to your core. 

"I’d like to stop guessing and actually get you to let me treat you the way you want to be treated. Have you ever asked yourself what you want?"

You panic a little, considering his words. Living with disappointment had made this question a hard one to even consider. 

"I just want a good time. Isn't that what you want, too?"

Doyoung seems to ignore your ask, drifting into a relaxed state against the pillows. His hand traces the hairline at your temple. "You know I worry about you. All the time, actually.” 

His voice is lower, a little wistful, and it’s doing just as much as the slight brushes of his fingertips to make you throb all over again. A lack of sleep must have made him delusional, you think. This is not the Kim Doyoung you know.

“You’re always thinking of how to take care of the people around you, I think you’ve forgotten how to relax and let other people take care of you.”

"Is that why you're always involving yourself in my business?" you ask, matching his tone in how breathless you are. You expect a quip, not the sincerity written on his face when he swoops in to press a gentle kiss against your lips, too fleeting to be anything but sweet and sincere. 

“What do you think I’ve been trying to do all this time? It certainly wasn’t just to get into your pants. I want you. All of you.” 

You're taken aback by his honesty. You'd always suspected his constant meddling in your affairs came from a place of interest but you'd never wanted to give him too much of a response–maybe a little afraid his fickle nature and fear of commitment would mean he’d give up on your friendship, too. 

Another thing you knew about Saint Kim: he had a tendency to run like a frightened rabbit at the first sign of emotional neediness in his partners. You'd never given him reason to believe you expected anything from him, but you'd also stopped fighting him on giving you what he desired to give.

It wasn’t just presents or expensive experiences, of course. He’d found out quickly those weren’t welcome without some cajoling. No–his art was in knowing what you needed even before you realized it, nudging it across your path. 

You’d figured out his deviousness after the umpteenth time someone was charitable at your little florist shop part time job, offering to fix your scooter in exchange for a nice arrangement for a proposal. As soon as you’d seen the fully restored bike outside and the customer didn’t return your texts you’d called Doyoung, completely unsurprised to find he was at the coffee shop next door, waiting to pick up his flowers.

“Stop being so nice to me,” you���d said. “It makes me uncomfortable.”

“What makes you think I’m giving you charity,” he’d responded, dropping a department store bag and your own custom coffee order on the counter. “You’ll wear this when I come to pick you up tonight at closing, including the jewelry and perfume. I need you to play your part again. The flowers are a consolation for the heart we’re breaking.”

He’d enlisted you as his defacto “new girlfriend” for the more difficult separations, and though you’d gotten your share of a glass of expensive wine thrown in your face more often than he ever experienced it (his type always went after the easier target) it wasn’t like he didn’t have a replacement dress ready and a nice dinner waiting after you’d cleaned off the Chateau Lafitte Rothschild. 

You have to face the fact that no matter how many times he’d treated you like his girlfriend, you’d never actually expected him to want you to be one. 

“I’ve waited a very long time for this, Y/N. Which is why I want our first time together–alone," he adds quickly. "–To be special."

It's difficult to believe him but you're spellbound all the same, watching pink dust his cheeks and his ears turn a shade darker as he most likely realizes how ridiculous it is considering him fucking you senseless the other night with the help of two other men. 

But you can empathize with his anxiety. Yesterday's Thai massage he'd arranged had helped you work out the flight or fight of anticipating being alone with him. It’s back now, but different. The way he's looking at you makes you feel infinitely naked, infinitely unlocked.

"What do you mean special?" you ask, wary, hoping to see some glimmer of uncertainty or falsehood in his gaze. You want to believe it's a lie or just some artful prank, trying to ignore your heart flip-flopping in your chest. 

It’s a mistake to let him see you squirm considering it’s Doyoung’s drug of choice–his lips twist into another menacing grin as he plays with the charm on your necklace. Another of his little gifts.

"Do you think you can handle it?" Doyoung asks, dripping self-satisfaction. “Or are you going to chicken out on me?”

You turn over so he can't see your expression, realizing he’s throwing your own words from the night before right back at you.

"I haven’t decided if I want to date you, yet,” you say. 

"Maybe not," he says. "But you'll have to pardon me for wanting to show you this good time you supposedly want while also treating you decently. Unless we're no longer friends?"

"We are," you say, biting your lip, "even if you enjoy torturing me."

"Torture?" He laughs, breathy. 

"Metaphorically speaking."

"You have no idea, do you?" You can feel the edge of his glasses as he bites the place where your clavicle connects to your shoulder, his hand snaking around your bare middle.

"You could show me," you invite, mid-gasp, as your body responds to his long-awaited touch. His fingers are almost cool in contrast to the heat in the room, tracing circles in your skin that have you squirming. 

"Is that a challenge?" he asks.

Why not?

"We don't have to have sex," you offer. "Maybe you could just–"

"Shh," he says, fingers skimming lower. "My terms. Are you going to stay quiet for me?"

You nod into the comforter, breath hitching as he touches you through the thin layer of your underwear, veined hand flexing as he molds the damp fabric to your body. It's such a delicate pressure but he's already memorized your shape, index finger sinking into your folds, gently rubbing a ring around your throbbing clit.

You're sticky and swelling with each pass, entranced by how good he is at teasing you, cherishing the way he sucks in his breath when he pushes into the indent of your hole.

“Doie,” you whine, leaning back into him, trying to get him to kiss you as he laughs into your hair. 

“Quiet,” he reminds you, kissing your cheek and teasing the seat of your underwear where they're soaked the most. "You want to take these off?" 

You shake your head, sensing it would be too easy of you to give in.

"That wasn't a question," he says, tugging down the band, leaving them trapped tight around your thighs. "I don't want you to wear them until I tell you that you can." 

You feel your core clench at the way his voice cracks, his fingers sliding back up to slowly and delicately draw a thread of moisture from your bared slit. You whine a little when he stops touching you, bringing his fingertip to your lips.

"Taste it." 

You let your mouth fall open, let him run it over your tongue, beginning from the middle and swirling over it. 

"Describe it," he murmurs. "If I like your answer, maybe I'll indulge you more." 

"Salt," you say, immediately. 

He tugs your hair, making you meet his eyes. 

"Have I taught you anything? I want specific notes. Flavors." 

You're transported back to the time he'd taken you to your first (and last) wine tasting. Spitting into a bucket and being lectured about body and tannins and soil conditions was the last thing you'd wanted to do after an hours-long trip to a vineyard but you'd indulged him, allowed one glass of what he considered the only drinkable wine on the premises. 

An unrefined palette, he'd called you. 

"Fruity and floral," you make up. "A nice lingering finish. Want a taste?" 

He looks down at you behind his glasses, equal parts amused and unimpressed. "Did you use the soap I asked you to?" 

Your brain glitches at that. Had you? You'd been in such a rush to go out–

You gasp when he palms your breast, squeezing the meat of it through the breathable fabric of your matching bra.

"I'll take that as a no," he says. "I guess you're not ready." 

He rolls off of you, leaving you in a lurch as you realize your legs are locked together by your underwear. You move to remove them, taking off your bra as well to avoid the awkwardness of being partially dressed.

By the time you're done you realize he's on his back, the hand that had been stroking you buried in his loose khakis. 

"What are you doing?" you ask, more than a little pissed off at the sight of him masturbating as if you aren't ready and willing to assist beside him. 

"Getting ready for our date. You can watch. No touching." He cracks an eye to look at you before closing it again. "Either of us."

"Are you edging me, Kim Doyoung?" Your menacing tone is entirely natural.

He hums a bit, working himself at a more punishing pace, knuckles peeking out from under his boxer briefs with each full pass over his length.

"Can't even look at me? Afraid you'll lose control?" You sidle down on the bed, beside his tensed thigh. You can smell a bit of the ozone on him from a morning in the sun, your knees knocking into his calves when you move over him.

"I don't trust you," he says, voice deeper than you've ever heard it.

"Is it touching if you finish on my face?" you ask when he finally blinks up at your presence, hovering over him with your breasts dangerously close to his clothed thighs.

"Absolutely not."

"Not touching–"

"Just. Watch," he orders.

He pulls himself free from his pants, surprising you with how dark and weeping his tip is as his thumb encircles it. Pools of white precum spatter on his lean, pale belly, your head dipping dangerously close–

"I said watch." He grabs at your hair, denied when you bend up again, showing him your dirty tongue.

He groans, fingers clenching air. "You were put on this earth to test me, weren't you?"

Still, he doesn't break his attention on the way you roll the drops you'd licked from his clean skin in your mouth, swallowing once you've fully enjoyed the taste.

"A little sweet you say," teasing him. "Drinking pineapple juice?"

"Brat," Doyoung says, but he's almost gone–eyes dark with desire, gently gripping your skull as you continue to ease in.

You're a master at following his lead, blowing a breath over the spot you'd licked, and then his length until his movements slow, cherishing the way you hold your mouth over his cock.

"If you can't give me what I want, then at least give me a taste," you say, sticking out your tongue in offering. You love the way he responds to the sight, needy and losing it when you hold eye contact, drilling into him.

"No," he echoes, weakly. He's too smart to push into your open mouth, instead driving his hips up to fuck his fist as you watch his glasses slide down his nose, eyes clenching shut. 

"You're no fun," you say. "Just a little swallow can't hurt?"

"No. Don't want to ruin it," he says cryptically, making a choked noise as you brush his fingers with your nose and he has to pull you away.

"I promise you it . . . It will be worth it," he manages. His jaw clenches as his movements relax, finally in control of you both.

"It better be," you say. 

You lower your lashes as your eyes flick between his cock and his face, stretching out your tongue to the point that drool begins to drip down your chin, splashing on his whitened knuckles and the tight stretch of his balls peeking out from his underwear. He bites his lip, breath holding as he starts to spiral.

The first thick rope of white rockets up his half-bared chest. Soon he's spurting even more, cum reaching his rucked up shirt, a little getting on his glasses. 

He's so out of it he doesn't fight as you wrest out of his limp hold. You clean up the sticky mess on his skin with your tongue, his abdominal muscles twitching under the light flicks and drags. 

"Want to give me some notes?" you ask, straddling him without resting any weight down, taking off his glasses. This time when you move to kiss him he rises weakly to meet you, lips parting to accept what you haven't swallowed. 

In truth, he tastes wonderful. Coffee, a little menthol from toothpaste and a hint of the watermelon you'd shared earlier mix beneath the coat of his spend.

He licks into your mouth until you moan, your body throbbing with unfulfilled pleasure. You follow him as he sinks back into the pillows, enjoying having him at your disposal, your core leaving wet trails on his thigh when you brush against the fabric.

"I'm going to wait until you're asleep and use you if you don't help me get off," you threaten, pressing soft kisses to his slack face. It’s no use. Doyoung has passed out again, lower teeth visible as he snores softly, forehead sheened with drying sweat.

Fuck it, you think. 

You ooze off of him to take your second cold shower of the day, and maybe get acquainted with one of the fancy showerheads in his massive walk-in while you use his special soap. 

It's not–technically–touching yourself.

Your mystery destination isn't an unknown–it's in every tourist booklet and blog you'd skimmed before your trip, thinking you'd be on your own to find a good spot to traverse to. But it still takes your breath away the moment the car door opens in the sprawl of motorbikes and delivery trucks and Doyoung takes your hand to pull you into Paradise.

Pak Khlong Talat is a bustle of energy well after dark, the time you know its treasures are delivered fresh and unbloomed, wrapped in newspaper and steeped in crushed ice. For as far as you can see the market sprawls along Chak Phet road, but even more overwhelming than the sights and sounds is the scent. 

Jasmine, roses, lavender. Thousands upon thousands of blooms strung up and tended to by night owl vendors, delicate arrangements hand-sewed by artisans streetside into garlands so well-crafted Doyoung has to tug you to keep you moving, onwards to some other unspoken destination. 

"I was worried you might hate flowers after working with them for so long. I take it you like it?" he asks, indulging you when you ask if you can take his picture at a particularly lovely hang of garlands, the purple-blue light perfect for the film you'd loaded into your father's old camera. Photography had never been your craft, but after your dad had passed you'd made an effort to capture more of your memories, cherishing what you'd taken for granted before.

“It’s perfect,” you say, admiring him through the viewfinder. "But can you look like you're having fun?" 

Your model is stiff, mouth a moue as he checks the street for other observers or a possible collision with a laden handcart. 

"Fun?" Doyoung asks, and you snap his picture on the offbeat, enjoying his look of surprise. 

“Like you've taken your date to one of the most romantic places on earth, after buttering her up with a night cruise of Chao Praya and finally letting her eat real food." 

He sniffs at a fall of marigolds, a smug look on his face that you commit to film, right before he sneezes. 

"For the record, we're eating after this. Som tam hardly counts as a meal, I just didn’t want that drink going to your head." 

You're shepherded through the vast warehouse of the main market, to an adjacent street, and into a non-descript building painted in a funereal white.

"Are we even allowed to be here?" you ask, once the key code is entered and you enter the strange business. 

"I called in a favor," he says, taking your hand, leading you up a metal staircase past a simple storefront of dried blooms and shelves laden with boxes and bottles alike.

An apothecary? An alchemist's shop? The purpose of the space eludes you.

"An atelier," Doyoung explains. "One of the most sought out in the world."

There's the distant hum of the city outside and a central air you're unused to in this climate but the upstairs is quiet–by all accounts either an office or a laboratory, or a mixture of both. The central working area is a chaotic but organized space filled with tables of glassware and dried floral arrangements contrasting potted orchids, small beakers of coffee beans littered amidst rows of labeled brown bottles.

"So this is how they make perfume," you say, inspecting a stoppered bottle labeled "Gerianol 10%".

"Not just any perfume. The best. Here." Doyoung leads you to a much less cluttered workstation, the desk arranged with the lights still on, a note detailing some instruction you can barely read before he slips it into the pocket of his slim-tailored pants. Beneath it is a notebook, scrawled with a perfect cursive English you recognize from the cards he’d included in boxes or bags whenever he’d bothered to claim their contents. 

"Sit," he instructs. You think he means the comfortable chair but before you can sit down he presses you to the desk, caging you in. 

"Sit," he repeats, hands on your hips through your slinky skirt, lifting you to the bench. You scoot back, carefully, the white blooms of some exotic flower brushing against your cheek until he can move the vase a careful distance. 

"Do you understand what we’re doing here?"

You can't possibly know what he means, eye level with the graceful column of his neck and his exposed collarbone beneath his translucent button-down, drowning in the melange of scents but most especially his clean, neutral cologne. 

"No," you say, honestly, heart beating fast. 

He picks up a corked flask from some kind of metal scale, dipping a thin thread of paper into it to waft it a fair distance from your nose.

"Before we came here--before you even agreed to this trip–I sent instructions to my friend for a specialty blend of their creation. It took quite a bit of back-and-forth–I even visited here last month to take a private class and make sure we prepared the base and middle to your standards."

"For me?" 

You feel dizzy, reaching out to take the sample and smell it again, his hand capturing your own before you can bring it too close to your nose. He wafts it for you, expectant as you absorb the details.

Indeed, it smells divine–exactly the kind of warm, bright notes that make your heart feel at ease. There’s something floral and citrus worked in, not too heavy, the finish leaving you with an impression of a lazy summer afternoon. 

“It’s beautiful,” you say. “Did you make this to match what you knew I liked?”

"Yes.” Doyoung exhales, looking almost sheepish. "I had some references. That cheap shampoo you never stop buying, the Lush exfoliator with the orange blossom, even–" he shudders a bit– "that awful Chanel you doused yourself in, in high-school."

"Coco Mademoiselle," you say. "It's been years since I–"

"It didn't suit you," he says, standing up to sample another bottle from the neat row. 

Something dawns on you, a distant memory locking into place.

"It was you," you gasp in realization. "You're the one who got rid of it. I should have known when you tried to give me that bottle of Jo Malone–"

“It had already turned. You need to store your scents away from direct light.”

“It was a keepsake!” There were very few possessions from your youth that you’d been able to hold onto–not only because your parents had been barely able to afford your school uniforms, much less gifts. What little you’d had was lost when your house was destroyed by the men your father owed money to, this small thing neglected in the destruction.

“It didn't suit you because it wasn't made for you," he continues. "You wore it because you thought it would make you fit in, when you should have made what you wore wear you–"

"Please, stop."

You have to bite your lip to the point of pain, remembering how excited you'd been to unwrap that tiny bit of luxury your parents had saved up to buy you, your mother sure the brand name would save you from another day of humiliation. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that the cutout ad from the magazine on your wall was for the model, not the actual perfume, but you felt loved by the gesture all the same.

Hundreds of thousands of won an ounce for it to only turn on your skin, well before afternoons spent on the basketball court under the thankless sun. That memento had aged from pink to a sickly rose unused on your cosmetic shelf, a totem from a time when you imagined yourself belonging. Before it had disappeared, like so many other things.

You can't remember the last time you'd worn anything, had never even gone near that section of a department store after the humiliation of being made fun of for smelling cheap.

“My dad skipped lunches and my mom worked double shifts to get that for Christmas my first year in Kocher,” you say. “Mira was the brand ambassador for that campaign, you know.”

Mira had been your idol even before you won the scholarship she’d established to attend Kocher. Perfect, beautiful, but most of all the first girl in their sphere to show you genuine kindness.

"It must be so easy for you," you say, wiping your face. You rarely cried these days but that memory was particularly painful, a reminder of how often you’d assumed Doyoung found you just as offensive. Not just your scent, you thought, but you.

Something to be tolerated. Below his regard. 

"Whatever you want, you can have. Whatever you don't like, you can get rid of. I'm sorry, I don't live in your world. I can’t just throw something away when it’s not useful."

"No," he says, quietly, abandoning his explanation. "That was thoughtless of me. I can replace it–"

“Can you?” You glare up at him. “Is this what you really want? To dress me up like your perfect doll and feed me from your hand so I’m more able to suit you?

Doyoung looks like he's going to be ill, every design in his head unraveling before your eyes. You’d feel sorry for him if you didn't know this was a lesson worth imparting.

"Don't ever offer to replace what you don’t know the true value of," you say, voice trembling.

There's a weighted silence as he considers his next words. You still haven't slipped away from him, choosing to hold your ground. How many times had you been forced to be the antagonist in some fruitless class warfare, unresolved? But then you also had a habit of finding battles in peacetime. 

You pluck the newest scent strip from his frozen hand and waft it between you, at the designated distance.

“Thank god this smells nothing like it,” you murmur. You offer him a wry smile, anger fading. “I couldn’t stand it.”

You feel Doyoung’s relief as he collapses against you, forehead against your hair as his arms wrap tight around your middle. You relax after a bit, cheek pressed to his collarbone as you breathe in his unique scent–a little like fresh laundry left out in the sun.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “All these promises and plans and stupid details and at the end of the day I really . . . Don't know what I'm doing."

"I really don’t know what you’re doing, either," you say. "But I like that you try.”

"You do?" The hope in his voice makes your iciness melt a bit. You let your hands twine around his neck, feeling the tension in his shoulders ease with the gesture.

“I know it’s not easy for me to admit but I do appreciate everything you do for me, Doie,” you say. 

He doesn’t respond in words but you savor the shift in his demeanor, like a weight has been lifted from him. You think even he didn’t know it was there. You ignore the glassiness in his eyes when he pulls back, choosing to look at his notes instead.

“Are these all the ingredients?” you ask, working out a few of the more familiar words. “What’s op–?”

“First things first,” he says, rolling up his sleeves.  "Did you touch yourself?" 

"No," you say, surprised by the shift. "I followed your instructions. No products with scents. No underwear."

You spread your thighs to make your point. His hands hike your skirt up, over the breadth of skin to your hips and then to the curl of your belly, his breath hitching as he finds you already glossy.

It had been a bit of a gambit considering your riverside excursion but he'd allowed you a lemongrass-based repellent–the scent of which is still clinging to your bare skin as he kneels down to press a kiss to where his fingers had traced earlier.

You jerk a bit, conscientious of the workspace as he spreads you, just that light touch making your nipples harden beneath your thin shirt and bra.  

“Are we allowed to–”

“Shh. Relax and try not to spill anything,” he interrupts, breath cooling your wetness. “I just need some inspiration.”

“What?” 

"You’re so good already," he says into your sex, spreading you so he can lightly tongue at your skin. “Perfect little flower just for me.”

After waiting so long, you're torn between begging and shoving his teasing licks away, hand threading through his raven hair as the notebook slips from your hand.

"Kim Doyoung–” you gasp as he spears his tongue through your upper folds, nose nudging the sensitive bud. “–if this is another round of teasing I will murd–”  

You yelp as he hunches down to wrap your legs around his shoulders, hands re-occupied by exposing you as you try to stay upright. 

“Don’t worry. You can come like this. I want to know if you taste different after.”

You don't know what he means until his mouth closes over your clit, sucking just right. You jolt, pinched on the meat of your thigh until you can relax again, making little mewls as he rolls his thumbs alongside the point of contact.

“I want you inside of me,” you beg, feeling that fluttering sensation that heralds a build-up. “I wanted to come with you inside me.” 

“Soon. Just need to be good while I sample you.” 

“Sample?” Your hand sinks into his hair in panic, tugging, but Doyoung is too lost alternating between suckling at your sex and palpating you with a circling thumb, his beautiful hands gripping your thighs to keep you spread.

“Drip for me, first.” 

“I don't think I can–”

“You giving up already?” Doyoung scoffs, smirking up at you with reddened lips, tongue-tip darting against your clit. Every brush of soft muscle makes you spasm a bit, belly tightening unfulfilled.

You shake your head, panting. “I just . . . Doie I want you inside me.” 

“You can relax and take it,” he says, tongue wrapping around your labia, sucking slightly. Your head is buzzing, every stray thought removed by his exploration of you.

“Relax. If you don't I'll just have to try until you're begging for me to stop.” 

“No, please, Doie. I'll be good,” you plead. “Just . . . need something inside. Hurts so bad being empty.”

“Hand me a pipette.”

“What?”

“The one that looks like an eyedropper,” he says, hand open to accept like he’s performing surgery. You fight to find the right glassware with his mouth still on you, efforts more focused and intense as your legs tense with each hit. You find the rubber-stoppered glass cylinder, stomach dropping. 

“Is this safe?” You ask, gripping his mussed hair tighter when he pulls away for a moment.

“If you hold still, yes,” he taunts. You seize when you first feel the tip slip inside you. The glass is cool but warms to your body heat quickly, too slim to feel anything.

“Good girl,” he says. “You’re even pushing this out, you must be so tight.”

“I am. Too tight,” you groan. “Please don’t tease me anymore.”

He ignores you, focusing on his work, pulling the instrument free when he’s satisfied.

“Not bad,” he says, dropping it on the desk beside you before he’s back on his knees with his nose buried in your cunt. “Bet you can do better than that.”

“No, please, I need you–”

“Then drip for me,” he laughs into your leg, tracing the wetness down the crease in your thigh. You tense your hold on the desk’s edge when you feel his tongue prod at your entrance, muscle breaching your hole to lick into you. He makes a satisfied noise in the back of his throat that has you plummeting just as he resumes stroking your clit through the slippery coat of your arousal. 

Finally, you think, feeling the advent of tears for how wound tight you are, how desperate you are to feel him give you just one more point of contact with the ache inside.

“Oh god, don’t stop, please don’t stop,” you repeat, the noises obscene as he drinks you in, other hand on your hip to hold you against his face. It’s not even the stimulation that makes you begin to come but the audible groan he releases as he feels you quake against his mouth, heels snagging on his shirt when the first wave breaks and those little tics inside you turn into powerful contractions around his tongue-tip taking everything you can give him. 

He keeps licking you even when you’re begging for him to stop, nose tracing down to catch a stray drop from the back of your knee with a playful dart of his tongue. 

“Was it worth it?” you ask, folding over him as he wipes his mouth clean in your drenched skirt. You know it’s just the start but you already feel wrung out and feather-light, wicking away the sweat that’s beaded on your own face despite the cool, dry air of the room. 

“Hmm?” he hums a bit, disentangling to stand up and hold your face in his hands. His pupils are blown, sweat beading on his temples, but he looks as satisfied as you hoped he would be, your arousal drying on his slender features.

“All the prep,” you say. “Isn’t that why–do I taste as good as you expected after all that?”

Doyoung looks down on you, amused. Already you feel like you’re heating up again, with how his dark eyes flit to your mouth and back up again. 

“You think I prefer you prepped?” he asks, angling his head down besides yours to whisper in your ear. “The next time I eat that perfect little pussy of yours I want it to be filthy.” 

He traces the lobe with his teeth for good measure, pulling another moan out of you. “I’ll even make sure to wait until the other two have a go at you, first.”

You feel your heartbeat stutter as he presses his lips to your pulse point, tongue darting past his lips to dab at the sweat there.

“No, precious, I wanted to make sure the perfume we make tonight matches all of you.” Doyoung’s nose brushes your ear as he breathes in your scent. “Every time I wear it I’m going to remember the way you sounded when you first came for me and me only.”

The promise of it has you feeling a different kind of heat, dizzying for how much you want it to last past this night. 

“Fuck,” you whisper explosively, eyes clenched shut to stay fixed upright, fisting the thin material of his collar as he pulls you from the countertop and against the hard planes of his body. “I need you. Now. Please.”

“I like hearing you say that,” he chuckles a bit. “But I’m going to make you earn it. You can wait a little longer. You made me wait years, after all.”

You let him guide you into his lap, in the chair, pushed into the desk as he opens the notebook to another page. And another, until you take over and explore it for yourself. In the dim golden light from the street outside you catch glimpses of colors and drawings, notes written of impressions and memories you’d all but forgotten in your haze of grief these past few years. 

There’s even photographs taped to some of the pages–ones you know well by the fact that they’d been taken on your camera. Doyoung didn’t have Jaehyun’s artistic training but he did have an eye for capturing candid moments.

November, your first year of college. You’re standing in the first snow of the season, catching flakes on your tongue. You can still feel the burn of them, hear the murmur of the city dulled in a fresh blanket of white and taste the roasted yam you’d eaten, tossing it in your mittened hands until it was cool enough to peel. 

Doyoung’s shoulder is off-kilter beside yours, unable to capture himself in the frame for all his long reach. The peek of the striped scarf you’d knitted for him in gray and blue is all that’s visible of him under his peacoat, the mismatched weave of it captured even in this poor exposure.

“Base note: cedarwood,” you read, carefully, eyes hazing a bit with emotion. Evergreen.

“I still have it, you know,” he murmurs against your temple. “I only stopped wearing it because it started unraveling.”

“I’d make you another but I quit knitting after making three scarves,” you say, wryly. “Well two and a half, actually, I ran out of yarn on Jungwoo’s and made him a hat instead.”

“I thought you were just trying to get him to hide that ridiculous military haircut,” Doyoung muses. “Keep going or we’ll be here all night.”

“Now you’re impatient?” you ask, cementing your flirtation by shifting in his lap. You can’t ignore the feeling of his erection folded against the curve of your ass, or the way he grunts when you find a better seat with it nestled between your thighs.

“Sometimes I forget you were put on this planet to vex me,” he says. You’re lifted up by the waist, a hand on your lower back the moment you’ve found the desk for support, face above the book. 

“Why don’t you try reading until I’m satisfied you know exactly what you’re getting?”

You don’t fight him, elbows bent as he rucks up your skirt. You feel your face grow warm with blood as you find yourself exposed to him again, locked in by his legs and his groping touch reaching up beneath your shirt. 

"Base notes: amber and–" you have to fight to keep your voice steady as he swats your exposed curves, hard enough to sting. 

"Ambergris,” he corrects, voice fried with delight.

“Ambergris,” you repeat. “And white musk."

"Good. And?"

"Bisabol–" you begin, corrected with another slap on your ass that hits, hard, glass jingling on the table.

"Did you jump ahead?" He asks, knowing full well your eyes are swimming with tears. 

"No sir," you say. “I didn’t think that was a real word.”

"Opoponax." He says, reaching over you to grab a bottle, dropping a thick oil on you and rubbing it into your bruising skin. "Also known as sweet myrrh. Go ahead. Keep reading."

"Source: distilled from resin from ancient groves in Somalia, bought in Mogadishu from a local orchard, all profits to fund schools and clinics for women displaced by civil war." 

"Do you believe this to be a charitable effort?" He asks, hand spreading over your buttocks. You think he might be referring more to your arrangement than whatever is written on the page.

"No," you say. Your history and political know-how might be lacking but you've seen the wrong side of kindness. "It sounds like what people write to make themselves feel better about exploitation."

"Clever girl," he answers. You feel his nose brush against your skin, testing the mingling of scent with it. "Keep going."

You turn the page, swallowing back your protests. This spread is rich with text and color, a veritable garden bursting from the page. You fix on the first entry in the upper corner, bracing yourself for another faux pas.

"Heart notes: Turkish rose," you say. "What is this, poetry?"

"Aren’t you familiar with it?"

You shake your head, lips pursed in delight at the scrawl of English. “No.”

You let out a gasp as he bites the flesh nearer your back, the sting of it surely leaving a mark by the way the pain lingers.  

"Read it," he says, dipping over you for another bottle. “You’ll remember.”

"I know a bank where the wild thyme blows, where oxlips and the nodding violet grows," you dictate, stumbling over every word and yet never punished for it. Instead Doyoung lets a steady drip of the bottle fall down the back of your leg to your knee, his fingers bringing up the rest to mix what he's already poured on you.

"Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine, with sweet musk-roses and with eglantine." 

You end your recitation in a whisper, leather binding and paper gripped in your fingers as he massages the oil gently into your tingling skin, careful to avoid where your legs are locked together in arousal. You're heady with scent and sensation, awaiting some reminder that this isn't just a strange dream you’ve wandered into.

"There sleeps Titania sometime of the night, lulled in these flowers with dances and delight," he finishes for you as he paints the rest up your spine beneath your shirt. You let him ministrate on your body as the words settle, as time recedes and you face a version of your youth you’re not sure isn’t just fiction. 

That book beside you, the first time he’d spoken to, long forgotten.

“Midsummer’s Night Dream,” you say, turning to face him again, settling between his thighs as he fails to meet your gaze. You lift his face with your fingers, cheeks indented by your gentle hold. “You remembered that, too?”

“It was the first time you ever looked at me,” he says. “And it felt like you saw right through me.”

No, you’re not dreaming. You’re the architect of this moment just as much as he’ll claim to be a cursory observer if confronted on it. 

You take in his mismatched eyes–one folding a little more than the other when he smiles at you ruefully. Those freckles you’d never really spent time examining, a happy accident of the time he’d spent with you in the sun. His fingers catching yours for a moment when you weren’t paying attention.

But most of all, the haunted cast where he’d lost sleep managing someone else’s problems. When he’d still been worrying about yours.

“You’re always thinking of how to take care of the people around you, I think you’ve forgotten how to relax and let other people take care of you.”

“No,” you say, shaking your head. “I don’t think I ever really saw you until now.”

“What didn’t you see?” he asks, expectantly.

Six years of his careful distance from you, that coldness and disinterest just another mask for someone who was as raw and vulnerable and real as you if you managed to pry open their shell. His tendency towards control, towards the knife’s slice of cutting you so cleanly from his life no one would know your name unless he spoke it aloud.

There wasn’t another human being in their right mind who’d last that test, your only grace being that he’d thought you were untouchable. His best friend’s girlfriend, of course. But beyond that, one of his best friends. 

No, one of his only friends.

“What didn’t you see?”

It wouldn’t require money or taste or a family name to bring Saint Kim down to earth. Just time and small acts of resistance, like the beautiful shell remnants you’d spilled into his hands on that last trip to Maui together, when it had still been the five of you. Each ground down to a small disc with a perfect spiral at its center, a reminder of the beauty remaining in broken things.

You place the notebook in his hands, curling your fingers around his. The pages it’s opened to are sparsely constructed, besides the photographs nestled between. Only you two know what’s there, buried in black sands and blue waters. You can see his handwriting falter where he’s written the notes for this moment in your shared history, sketches of those shells, and flowers.

A single photograph of you watching the others playing in the surf, his shadow cutting across the stretch of your legs.

Top notes: Jasmine for sensuality. 

Orange Blossom for innocence. 

Plumeria, for admiration. a new beginning . . .

You recognize the creamy yellow-white flower he’d tucked behind your left ear when you’d fallen asleep beside him. A non-native plant to the island, you’d learned, worn to indicate one was taken. A weed, like you, now prized as a treasure.

“What didn’t you see?”

You pull back to look at him, giving him yourself without reservation. 

“That I think you love me . . .” you say. “. . . Like I think I love you, too.” 

He looks up at you, astounded, the chair beneath him creaking as he collapses. 

For once you regret being beside him when you’d heard the same words spoken to him by other people, pulled into their lives without you ever remembering their names. The difference between you, you once believed, was that they didn’t mean it. 

Now, you understand, they just never knew the true cost of losing him. 

You watch him collect himself, running a hand back through his hair and curling into his seat, memories forgotten in his lap, bedamned. You’re sure the engines of Hell are running hot for the way he can’t even look at you right now. 

He needs a way out, you think. You’d rather be drowned in other women’s wine poured over your head than be on the receiving end of his disregard again, the script already constructed in your mind before you’d found you had the nerve to sleep with him.

"You can be honest with me,” you say. “Tell me it's been fun but you're not interested in a relationship.”

“What?” Doyoung is just as confused as when you’d told him you loved him, as honest as you’ve been in both sentiments. 

“Your family will never approve of me. I’m just another fling you happened to take a more lasting interest in. It’s better this way. Cut me off, forget about me and move on.”

It's his turn to balk. You expect his pre-programmed response. Saint Kim's gospel for turning down the interested but uninteresting party: deflect, dissuade, detach. 

“No,” he says, face draining of color.

“It’s okay,” you say. “I can handle it. Really. We can still be friends.” 

“No,” he repeats, more forcefully.

“What do you mean, no?” you ask. “Isn’t that how this always ends?”

“You stupid girl,” he says, grabbing your face in his hands so you can’t escape, making you look into his warm gaze. 

"Don’t you get it? This was always about feelings.”

When his lips crush against yours you don't have to speak to respond, catching his head so you’re not suffocated by the raw emotion you can feel in every movement. You return each kiss until the breath is out of your lungs, until you're drowning in his scent as he forces you back onto the desk.

You’re impatient to feel him, everywhere, aware you’re ripping buttons as you open his shirt to gain access to his smooth chest, trailing kisses as far down as you can go, still unable to escape his tongue sliding over yours.  

“I wasn’t going to do this here, like this, but fuck it,” he says once he’s free, fumbling with his belt as he holds you to pepper your face and neck in a steady reminder of his affection. “I need you.”

“I need you, too,” you echo wholeheartedly, helping free him out of his clothing, pulling his length to where you’re still slick with oils and cum and ready for him. God, you think you’ve never been more ready to break around him, to show him what he’s brought out of you with this game.

“Please don’t make me wait anymore,” you whisper. 

You watch his face, breath held and heart stuttering as he sinks into you slowly, both of you gasping at the way your heat resists each measure of his continuous thrust. It feels like he’s barely in you when he stops, making you moan in dismay.

“Doie, please,” you say, trying and failing to wrap your legs around his slender hips to capture him deeper. You’re half out of your mind with that burning weight inside you remaining still.

“Say it,” he says, taking off your shirt to have access to your skin. He pulls down your bra, nipples tugged between his fingers as he assaults your neck with his tongue and teeth.

“It’s special,” you choke out. “Thank you, please–”

“Say it,” he corrects, twitching inside you but not moving an inch more. He curls down to nip at your breast above the lace, sucking a mark into the softest part. “Without the ‘I think’.” 

“No,” you resist, realizing what he’s asking too late. Your nails sink into his half-bared shoulder, head rolling against his. “You don’t get to torture me for that.”

“Don’t chicken out on me now.” Doyoung laughs against your cheek, hand splaying around your hip to still your squirming. “I can do this as long as it takes.”

He thrusts, just a little more, making you cry out in desperation as the contents of the desk tinkle behind you. 

“Fuck,” you breathe. “You think I love you?”

“So, so close.” He pulls out, rocking into you again to feel the seize of your entire body when you anticipate just how far he’ll go before denying you. A little more, at least, and you can feel how much it’s taking for him, see the strain in his body as he holds back.

“You love me,” you tease, this time not a question, no you think. “Saint Kim loves me.”

He sheathes himself in you fully, gripping your nape to kiss you as you clench involuntarily around him, protests in the back of your throat muffled by his tongue sliding across yours. He tugs at your bottom lip when he breaks free, fully smiling now like he isn’t buried completely in your cunt just warming himself instead of chasing his own bliss.

“What did you call me?” he asks, leaning over you to retrieve something. 

You take advantage of his distraction to snake a hand between you, slipping beneath your skirt before it’s grabbed, tight, and brought up to his lips. 

“Don’t cheat,” he says, wrapping your fingers around the cap of a bottle. 

“You never heard anyone call you that?” you murmur, opening it. 

You smell spring flowers and delicate citrus before it’s taken away, set aside when you nibble and suck at his sensitive ear to make him twitch, hands drifting across his ticklish belly down to his hipbones. He reads your intent again, stopping whatever silly task he’s doing beside you to lift your wrists to his shoulders. 

“The name is a little ironic, isn’t it?” you say, squeezing him experimentally with your thighs as you stroke his nape with your nails. You flex other muscles too–earning the grunt he makes as he feels you squeeze around his girth. 

He angles your head, pressing something wet and soft to where your pulse flutters in your neck. You’re immediately permeated with a light, airy, sweetness, the different scents revealed like a melody that ends in that richer, warmer scent from earlier. 

“Is that my perfume?” you ask. 

“An anointment,” he says, blowing across your skin to dry it and sending a shiver down your spine to where your bodies are locked together, that fullness and muted pleasure of him radiating down to your toes.

“I do seem to have a demon inside of me,” you sigh into his neck as you rest your head against his shoulder. “Do they do that in exorcisms?”

“Blessings,” he corrects, adjusting with another grunt. “We’ll find out if it worked in about an hour.”

“An hour?” you grumble. “You think you can keep torturing me that long?”

“I think I gave you the key to your own cage,” he says, checking his watch. “About five minutes ago. Does it feel like longer?”

You mumble something into his rumpled collar, making him laugh beneath you. Even just that tiny movement has you involuntarily gripping him, abdomen clenched. 

“What’s that?”

“I’llsayitifyoumakemecome,” you repeat, embarrassed enough to hide your face in the crook of his neck again. 

“You think this is a negotiation, Y/N?” Doyoung’s hands are back on your breasts, thumbing the areola in slow circles that are very much a reminder of his touch earlier on your throbbing clit. You whimper, trying to stay still so he doesn’t figure out that if he continues to do that you might have a chance–

“You trying to make me come squeezing me like that?” he asks, breath ragged. “That seems like a quick way to end this.”

“You . . . you could just fuck me,” you wheeze, feeling the way he teases your pebbled, hard nipple with lighter brushes, his mouth quirked where it’s pressed to your forehead. 

“What if I want to make love to you, instead?” he asks. He inhales sharply at your body’s response. 

“Fuck, you liked me saying that, didn’t you?”

You nod, unable to speak, holding onto him in desperation as the combination of his words and soft strokes make you melt into the pleasure of every small motion of him inside you. You realize he’s unconsciously pushing into you, too, unable to keep his hips from pressing into yours. 

Overstimulation is making you hyperaware of the scratch of his unzipped jeans against your burning thighs, the random brush of his open belt against your belly. Time seems to disappear as he holds you quietly, letting you soak up the fragrant, radiating warm reality of him.

“I can wait all night for it,” he threatens, even just his lower register making you quiver a little around him. “Count every time you twitch and moan on me until you break.”

You’d felt him flag a little while he worked but now he’s fuller inside you, stretching you wide as he twitches to life. It’s even hotter than all of this build-up, you think, knowing he can act a menace but that the idea of you surrendering to him is what’s really getting him off.

Of course, you think, mentally steeling yourself like you’re preparing for war. In a way this is something like it, up against as formidable a foe as he is. 

“Doie,” you whisper, threading your hands in his hair as you nuzzle for his lips, kissing him softly and intimately, like it’s your first time. “When did you know?”

“What?” He goes a little rigid against you, unable to hide his rapid heartbeat with how close you’re pressed to him. You blink up at him, expectantly. 

“When did you first know you loved me? Really?”

He smiles, shyly, but you see the hint of anxiety on his features beneath his arousal. There it is, you think, having to hide your own satisfaction. 

“Is this a trick question?” he asks, warily, eyelashes half-lowered.

“Not if I know the answer,” you say, smoothing his kiss-swollen lips with a touch. “I don’t think it’s in that book, either.”

“Really?” He’s intrigued, a tentative rock of his hips against you making you dizzy. “Tell me.”

You shake your head, just as playful. 

“I’ll tell you later,” you say. “After.”

He sighs explosively, nose wrinkling. “You don’t know.”

“Want to bet?” you ask. It’s always a little thrilling seeing Doyoung presented with an opportunity he can’t resist. He fumbles for the notebook beside you, almost slipping out of you when he has to reach even farther for a pen.

“Write it down,” he says, smug as a cat who’s caught something small and easily toyed with. 

“Only if you do, too,” you say.

His answer is a pained sound of agreement, adjusting himself against the desk. 

“No peeking,” you say, flipping to a page in the back. 

“Wait,” he says, grabbing the book before the nib of the nice pen touches the creamy paper. “What are the terms?”

You ponder for a moment, feeling a grin slide onto your lips. “Doesn’t our perfume need a name? Whoever is right, gets to name it.”

You can practically taste his delight as he leans in to kiss you, forcing you to pull your page closer to you. You make him wait, filling the blank space as best you can with detail as he fidgets between your legs, sending small shocks of pleasure through you both. 

“Thank you,” he says in earnest once you’ve handed him it open to a new leaf, his hand and the notebook shaking a little as he tries to write mid-air, finally resting it awkwardly atop your head in order to scrawl out his own answer.

“My eyes are closed, Kim Doyoung.” 

“You’re a cheat,” he says, shushing you with an added thrust of his hips. 

You settle back on your elbows, already enjoying your victory as you feel the tiny pressure of his handwriting, hear the scratches of his sketch. You're more emboldened than ever when the leather binding snaps shut.

“Now tell me,” you say, looking up at him coyly. 

“Can’t I just show you–”

You snatch the book from him, turning to your entry. Then, to his horror, you rip your page free and fold it shut, tucking it into the pocket of his open shirt.

“Tomorrow morning,” you say. “You had 24 hours, right? I’ll give you my answer tomorrow morning.”

Doyoung looks as if he’s tasted something sour. “You won’t tell me.”

“I’ll tell you that you won,” you say, looking down at his page. You trace the fresh ink with care, admiring his tight script and explanation. “February to April? How could I have guessed an entire season?” 

“Did you at least guess the year?” he asks, looking a little better for your affirmation of his win. 

You nod, finally feeling the discomfort of your position and resting your head against his warm chest. There’s nothing awkward about being wrapped around him like this, the late hour and strange, still space making it easier to forget the world outside.

“Hard to forget,” you say. “I thought for sure I’d never see you again after that winter holiday.”

Another break with Johnny, of course–but this one had been your choice. You’d finally felt the crushing weight of two years of contempt from the people around him, the Suh family matriarch at the center of it all, doing everything in her power to crush not only you but the people you loved. 

And then, when you’d needed him the most, Kim Doyoung had walked away from you, too. 

“I didn’t think I’d see you, either,” he sighs. “It was the first time in a long time you weren’t with us. With me. And it was my fault for pushing you away when you were just trying to–”

“It’s in the past now,” you cut him short with a finger pressed to his lips. 

The memory is painful, still–and you don’t want to sully this moment with it. You appreciate that even in his roundabout admission there’s a clear understanding for all you’d been through. You’d hoped he remembered that time from the past, when you’d first peered between the cracks in his carefully-manufactured facade.

Now you could be sure of what it meant to him. You feel like your own walls are crumbling, the light shining through. 

“So you chose the period of time when we didn’t speak to one another, at all?” you muse. “Not just one day?”

“You know what they say. Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” he says. “You were on my mind every minute and every hour of those three and a half months.”

He pauses, sigh warm against your brow. “I couldn’t tell you when I knew, for sure. I certainly couldn’t admit it, then, even to myself. But sometime then, I realized I cared more about you than a friend.”

You’d never doubted he was capable of it, never doubted it might be true. But hearing him admit it, now you know why he wants to hear it from you, too.

“Say it,” you say.

He finally looks at you again, tired but alight with amusement.

“You first,” he says.

“Who knew three simple words would be so difficult for Saint Kim?” you tease him.

“Alright. Come here,” he motions, slipping out of you with a shared groan. He pulls you to a couch under the shuttered window, settling down and forcing you to straddle him. In this position he can’t stop you from immediately taking all of him, his eyelids fluttering when you bottom out.

“You feel like heaven,” he murmurs. 

“You’re not going to last,” you laugh, delighted by the way his nose scrunches when you clench around him. 

“Says the girl who’s sucking me in like you never want me to leave.” He grabs on to your hips to roll them against his own, fingers tightening when you wriggle against him. “You’re gonna say it first even if I have to fuck it out of you.”

“Whoever comes first, then?” you offer.

“I can live with that,” he sighs, head resting back on the couch. 

You rock on your knees slowly, satisfaction warming you throughout as you force him all the way inside you. You let him hear how he makes you feel, pleading sounds and whispers every time he hits that place in your upper walls, curved inside of you perfectly. It doesn’t matter if you're in control you can’t help but hunt down that lovely rush of pleasure in your belly, twining your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself. 

“Good girl,” Doyoung praises, watching you in awe through half-lidded eyes. “You’re so beautiful. I always wanted to know what it would look like when you lost yourself with me.”

His words make you shiver, brushing his lips until he holds you against his mouth to show you how he likes it, less exploratory and more confident. It’s maddening how good he is at this, making you feel every single sweep of his tongue across yours, hand on your neck keeping you from escaping. 

“Don’t you want to–” you protest as he helps you to lay flat on your back across the length of the wide loveseat, settling between your thighs. 

“Oh god, Doie,” you whimper when he takes over, finally, finally, beginning to fuck you. It’s just as slow but at least he penetrates you fully before pulling out almost all the way, shoulders quaking as he holds himself up. 

“Promise me you'll let me dote on you for the rest of your life,” he says, not waiting for your response before driving into you again. His movements are barely controlled, grunts escaping the back of his throat when his hips snap into yours again.  

“I promise,” you hold onto him, back arching off the cushion to meet him, blissed out in the relief of each, careful stroke against your fluttering walls. That crescendo is happening whether you want it to or not, every overworked knot of muscle threatening to snap loose. 

“Promise me that no matter who you fuck you’ll always let me treat you right,” he says, voice breaking. “You’ll let me show you how I feel even when I can’t say it.”

“Yes, Doie. Yes.” You pull down on his shoulders, trying to move for you both, kissing his jaw and throat.

“Stop fighting me and take it,” he says, moving more easily with the thick coat of your cum, establishing a gentle rhythm. 

His voice has always made it hard for you to pay attention to anything else but he abuses that power now, murmuring guidance into your neck that has you tightening around him as he fucks you deep and slow. 

“That’s my girl,” he praises. “You’re taking me so well. Take all of me.”

You feel shivers up and down your body, nipples hardening tight as they brush against his chest, his hair tickling your forehead as he blindly kisses and licks at your mouth and chin. 

You’d thought he’d be concentrating on something else in his head to keep from losing himself but instead it’s you who's floating, breath captured in your lungs when he adjusts on top of you to pin your hips down, pressing your leg wide to bury himself to the hilt.

“You feel so perfect. I could really do this all night, you know,” he smirks down at you from where he’s supported on his elbow. “Is that what you want?”

“No, fuck, please,” you whine. There’s no thoughts in your head besides just how much you want that ache inside of your cunt to melt into real pleasure. 

“You want me to stop?” he asks, feeling how you begin to pulse around him as he swirls his hips up into that most sensitive part of you, his flat belly grinding into your clit. You gasp, leg locking around his, helping him work you apart.

“No no no,” you beg, face hot. “Just . . . just kiss me through it, please.”

Doyoung’s smile grows wider. “Say what you already told me.”

You twist your head against the cushion, earning his hand on your jaw as he makes you look at him while you break, kissing you between panting breaths. His confidence is written in the cocksure grin remaining on his mouth, more cruel when he bites at your bottom lip, hard, before licking the pain away. 

“Say it,” he breathes, slowing down on purpose. 

“I . . . ah,” you cry out, “I love . . . please don’t stop.” 

“What’s that?” he asks, pace punishingly slow. Your legs lose feeling, vibrations starting in the back of your thighs and tremoring down to your feet. 

“Oh god, oh god, oh god,” you repeat, nearly tipping off the edge, “I’m coming, I’m finally–”

He slows down right as you hit that crest, making you cry out in frustration. 

“Doie, I’ll kill you–”

“Say it,” he says into your lips, pulling out–too far–

“Iloveyou,” you exhale, seizing around him in time to your wildly beating heart.

“Louder.” He slams into you again, merciless.

“I love you, you stupid bastard,” you say, hanging on to his shoulders. “I love you!”

“Good enough,” he says, drilling into you until he can feel you break, orgasm sustained through the painful pressure of him losing himself in your throbbing heat, finding your mouth again, finally, to silence the repeated mantra on your tongue.

You kiss him fiercely, unloading everything words aren’t enough for, legs tied around his waist to keep him locked inside you until he’s fighting back, fucking you so hard the sound of it fills the quiet room. 

“I love you,” you repeat a final time for him, just to watch the way it makes him break, jaw slackening when he loses control, finally. 

He stutters into his own orgasm, teeth scraping against your locked lips, forehead pressed into yours as he empties inside you for what feels like forever, finally collapsing on top of you with a whimper when his arms give out and he’s as limp as his cock inside you. 

You scrape your nails across his scalp, soothing him. You don’t mind his weight, or the way you’re still pressed together with sweat and your combined spend. 

“Wasn’t so hard, was it?” he rasps, eyes dazed as he looks up at you. 

“No,” you say, shaking your head tightly. “Not for me, at least.”

“You’re not mad?” 

You know he means his inability to say the magic words but you crack a smile, just as pleased with yourself. 

“About the bet?” you ask. “No.”

Oh, it’s delicious seeing realization dawn on his face, little glimmers of surprise and horror bubbling up from his afterglow. 

“Fuck,” he says. You’re grateful he doesn’t deny it, rolling to the side in defeat. 

“Who told you? ‘Woo?”

You laugh softly, rolling over to pin him down with your leg, trapping him against the back of the couch. 

“You did, right now,” you say, relishing having him where you want him. “I had a hunch. And I know you, you’d never beg for someone to say something during sex–”

“I didn’t beg,” he corrects, grimacing.

“What was it? The first one to get me to say it? Bonus points if it’s on your cock?”

“Ah, well,” he says, perking up despite the fist pressed to his forehead in embarrassment. “Then you don’t know.”

“I’ll find out soon enough, Jaehyun wouldn’t–”

“You’re really not mad?” he asks, painfully reticent as you pull his hand away from his face and twine your fingers together.

“Not if it means I can use it as leverage,” you say, kissing his knuckles.

That doesn’t seem to surprise him, at all. 

“Good girl,” he says. “What do you want?”

A few years ago, give or take 

You’re a little too happy, an awful fact considering how much he'd missed seeing you this way.

Lately you’ve been sleepwalking through your life, all those tiny fractures and bruises finally having the time to mend–but healing is a painful process in itself. Doyoung had returned from his family’s formal Chuseok gathering in Singapore, eager to check in on you after receiving sparing responses from you via text.

You didn’t have a friend he could check in with instead any longer–not after that one girl had fled the country, the other ghosting you after their father was mysteriously laid off from a company he well knew did business with Suh International. 

He’s worried about you long before that, terrified that one last straw would break you even if by all indications you were strong enough to take it. After you’d had Johnny arrested and solicited a no-contact order you’d cut your ex off completely, moving to a tiny apartment far from where you’d grown up, changing your number. 

Only Jungwoo knew about it, and it was he who’d reluctantly offered your whereabouts to him after a few glasses of whiskey in their usual club. 

“She asked me to keep her info on lockdown. Got that hacker kid, what’s his name–Haechan? Wiped her socials off the map, so he can’t find her. He did good but you know Suh.”

Doyoung nods. They hadn’t seen him in a few weeks, probably because the idiot was combing through every civic office and apartment building in the city. Hell, he’d probably driven around until he found her by sight alone, knowing that animal wouldn’t rest until he knew her whereabouts, as stubborn about chasing her down as he was about refusing the F4’s help. 

“His mother called me to ask if the place he bought in cash was for her,” Doyoung says, knocking back his drink as he receives a text, heart sinking that it's not you. “Did you help him buy it for her?”

Jungwoo sighs. “No. I just got her rent halved with some coercion, you know? But then he goes and buys a unit in the same building with whatever stash he thought the Old Tiger didn’t know about.” 

The Devil Kim leans back, long legs akimbo as he gestures towards the server for a refill. “He’s waiting for her to go back to Chicago before he moves in. But you didn’t hear that from me.”

“I did not,” Doyoung affirms, turning away from the group of women at the bar sending looks towards their private table. “Let’s plan for when Madam Suh leaves. I can have her pull him into the London offices, considering he’s failing his courses.”

“Stone cold,” Jungwoo says, smirking. “Glad I’m not on your shit list.”

“Just don’t fuck with her,” Doyoung says. “Or fuck her.”

Jungwoo laughs into his glass. “Even I’m not that stupid.”

He’d thought he wasn’t, either. 

Not until you’d called a few days later, your speech a little slurred. He couldn’t have told you if what he was doing was important even if he was in a meeting, showing up to find you picking at a bowl of bar snacks in what he thought might be one of the nicer bars in your shitty part of town. Not as shitty as your old neighborhood, but it wasn’t a competition.

“Saint Kim,” you’d heralded him, raising an empty glass still smelling of watermelon and hibiscus. 

“You shouldn’t be drinking alone, here,” he’d said. 

You were dressed in one of your few nice outfits, a little on the revealing side for his tastes, but those had been Johnny’s you’d conformed to–animal print and thin straps, tastefully tasteless.

“I wasn’t,” you say, hiccuping. “Alone.”

For the first time in a long time fear spikes his blood pressure into overgear. Were you drugged? Was he going to have to fend off another predator who'd found you vulnerable?

You deserved the chance to move on but there was a real threat in what would happen to anyone who approached you without their permission. Johnny’s, yes, always, but the F4 had also agreed to look out for you well before your last incident at a club. 

“Who?”

“She left,” you say. He feels instant relief, reaching out to adjust the thin coverup slipping off your bare shoulder. 

“You make a new friend?”

You shake your head. “She’s nice. Met her in one of the ikebana classes work is paying for. Thought we were hitting it off but I must have said something dumb because she ran out of here, fast.”

You look up at him cautiously, too inebriated to realize he can recognize a set-up before it begins.

“You didn’t just talk about your ex, did you?” he asks, settling beside you at the bar. He orders something less ridiculous than whatever you'd been drinking, while you scroll through an Instagram feed, finger trembling over the screen. 

You look up at him, color-stained lips curving in an easy smile. “You want to see what we’re working on?”

Doyoung finds himself looking through a grid that is immediately obvious is not yours. His mouth goes dry, seeing rows of beautifully-staged floral centerpieces, the backgrounds as familiar as the back of his hand. You don’t seem to notice, going to the user’s story and tapping in vain to find the picture she’d posted.

“She deleted it already. Huh. Well, she texted me the picture–”

“Stop.” Doyoung places his hand over yours, his palm damp from the immediate flood of adrenaline. 

“So you do know Mona,” you say. You look up at him, expectantly, eyes glassy with the brand of hopefulness and naked curiosity he’s seen you charm everyone else around you with before. 

“She’s the one, isn’t she?”

Doyoung pulls cash from his pocket, not caring how much he puts down except that he’s sure it’s enough to cover the amount he’d like to drown himself in right now. Enough to go blind and burn out the phantom of that face he’d put behind him years ago. 

“Put your coat on,” he says. “I’m driving you home.”

“But I’m not–”

“Now,” Doyoung says, grabbing your wrist. He’s barely ever touched you in the years that you’ve been friends, and it sickens him when he feels you freeze in fear and confusion, that trauma response buried so deeply it's in your bones.

He wants to be kind, he wants to be patient with you. He just doesn’t have it in him to be anything to you right now.

“What’s wrong, Do–?”

“We’re leaving,” he says, dragging you out into the bitter cold evening, the streets slick with sleet, your heels catching on the pavement as you stumble in his wake.

“Stop,” you yell at his back, trying to yank your arm free from where he’s bruising your skin with whitened knuckles. “You’re hurting me–”

“You’ll live,” he says, pulling you to where he’s parked his car, the engine roaring to life the moment you manage to close your door. He can barely look at you, realizing too late that your crestfallen expression is making him more upset than the lightning strike of seeing her name again.

“You didn’t ask my address,” you say, quietly, met with his silence as he drives much more dangerously than the weather permits. He's forced to speak with you once he's slammed the brakes at an intersection, red light shading you through the windshield.

“Tell me one thing,” he says. “Did you try to set us up by having me come there?”

You’re petulantly silent now, an answer in itself.

“Answer me,” he orders, hands gripping the wheel.

“I thought you’d want to–”

“Do you think we have the kind of relationship where you can just do whatever you want and get away with it?” Doyoung’s voice is calm but he sees you flinch at his words and tone, your shoulders moving under your jacket as you begin to quietly cry. 

It drives him deeper into anger, hitting the gas with a roar of the engine the instant the light turns green. 

“You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself for this one, Y/N,” he says, already regretting every word tumbling out of his mouth. “You fucked up.”

“I just thought you could both have some closure after that–”

The car jerks as he brakes in the side lane of the service road, cars roaring past them honking their horns. Your sobs are barely audible over the idling engine and the blink of the hazards he turns on while he tries to find calm, your face turned away from him. 

“You thought that interfering in other people’s personal lives would make you feel better,” he says. “No wonder you don’t have any real friends.”

Out of the corner of his eye he can see your full body shakes still, can feel as that armor encasement you’d put together piece-by-piece over years of dealing with loveless reality falls back into place. And, years later–no, even hours later–he’ll remember how at the time he was stupid enough to think it was the right thing to say. 

You needed a reality check, he’d thought. A reminder that all the wishes and hopes in the world wouldn’t change the bleak architecture of it, uncaring by design and much easier to navigate without them. That moving on was the only path to this idiot’s dream of closure, something you knew nothing about for how often you’d let them pull you back into their world, blinded by sunk-cost and loneliness. 

All the things he wished he believed for himself, but without the benefit of your optimism.

“Fuck you, Kim Doyoung,” you say, opening the car door and slamming it shut without so much as a glance behind you. He’d waited to make sure you reached the nearest bus stop before driving off, calling Jungwoo to let him know you were here–crying in the cold. 

He'd seen you in passing.

His best friend knew a lie when he’d heard it, most especially from him. 

He wouldn't hear from you again until spring.

Kim Doyoung can’t sleep. 

He���s not allowed to. 

He can’t move either, arm going numb beneath your curled body, your breathing finally easing for the dozenth time since his trial began. You have horrible sleep habits–kicking off the covers, stealing the pillows–but tonight you’ve passed out with that same bone-deep tiredness he’d felt earlier, face beatific in the slivers of light piercing through the slatted shades. 

It’s close to dawn, he thinks, the cacophony of insects and birds outside transitioning from a quiet chorus to a full orchestral suite. Soon it will be too loud to sleep deeply. 

“Y/N?” he whispers, tentatively, not daring to move.

You don’t respond, relief rushing through him. It’s not that he’s desperate to join you in slumber but that he’s waited for you to finally surrender to REM. He needed you down. 

And you needed it, too. 

He’d negotiated with Jaehyun when you’d been in the shower, earlier, sacrificing precious moments of shared time exploring your skin and the new taste of you under the water to supplicate himself to his best friend and worst enemy in this moment.

“It’s a charter,” Jaehyun said, blinking sleep from his eyes but awake enough to be angry. “You’re not finding another one short term.”

“I emailed you the tickets. Cattle car but first class, at least,” he says. “Jungwoo agreed to give you his day, he doesn’t want to take her out until after dark, anyway. You can sleep in tomorrow.”

“Fine.” Jaehyun had slammed the door shut in his face, but he hadn’t missed the budding smile on his friend’s face. At least one person was rooting for him.

That’s how he’d earned another morning with you. As always, making up for lost time.

You’re half out of the covers, one leg sprawled over the duvet as you sleep. You’d put on one of his softer button-downs, inhaling the smell of it after he tried to steal it back. 

“Please let me wear you,” you said. “I want to dream about you.”

Being around you like this is more comfortable than he imagined, as if you’re being slotted into a position he didn’t even know there was an existing space for. He’s woken up to women in his bed but you’re the first who’s ever asked him for this, particular experience.

“I used to have this fantasy, you know, whenever we crashed at your apartment.” He’d watched you go sheepish recalling, dates omitted for a reason. “Sometimes I’d lie there and touch myself thinking about you crawling into that guest bed–maybe a little drunk or you’d forget which room. Or maybe, you just wanted me to think that. I’d be awake but I’d pretend to be asleep while you . . . used me.” 

He experiments by tracing his fingertips up your bare leg, the peek of your lace underwear beneath the hem of his shirt maddening for how it curves into the crest of your ass, presented for him. A treat dangled before him, the command to partake only that you wanted him to make it slow–you wanted to wake to it.

He sucks a breath in, erection in his sweatpants hard against the band already from just watching his sleeping beauty. He finds every mark on your leg, every fine hair, thanking Heaven above you aren’t overly sensitive or ticklish like he is when his hand slips beneath his shirt to your belly. 

He slots himself against you, carefully, as if adjusting in his sleep. He has to wait for your breathing to even out again, slipping his free hand up to your breasts. 

“Used you? Did you not get off in this scenario?”

“I mean, yes. But it’s mostly about you. You wouldn’t say anything at all, you’d just fuck me full of your cum and then you’d leave me leaking it on your sheets and go back to your room. Or sometimes I’d crawl in your bed, if you were alone, and you’d cover my mouth so the others couldn’t hear it. And the next day it would be like nothing happened, you wouldn’t even bother to ask how I’d slept.” 

He loved how much of a slut you were, when you felt comfortable enough to share that side with someone. Johnny had certainly never appreciated the subtleties of your nature–too blinded by adoration to even consider degrading you on purpose. 

No, Doyoung had known for awhile you pushed the boundaries with him to see if he’d break.

Your nipples harden even though he’s barely handling them, discovering what shape your breasts make in repose as he tries desperately not to rut into the swell of your ass. Warming himself in you earlier had been one of the hardest challenges he’d faced but it had been worth it to learn you inside and out, to know how to make you grip his cock with that delicious little cunt of yours with just a kiss or a word that pleased you.  

You don’t wake but he knows he’s gotten through to that little lizard brain of yours when your legs rub together unconsciously, pushing back into him so his cock is settled between your buttocks. The friction from the lace is like the proverbial pea under a mattress–rubbing against his cock through the layers, catching on the veins and scraping the underside of his cockhead. 

It’s already a nice ache, one he ignores as he adjusts to better continue plucking and teasing at your body beneath your shirt, until you’re used to his touch enough to truly fall back under, once more.

You're so vulnerable, completely at his mercy as he brings his hand down to test the patch of moisture growing in the fabric, that lace sticky with your dreams of him. 

Use you, he thinks. You have no idea what he wants. 

Doyoung can play with the fantasy of you crawling into your boyfriend’s best friend’s bed while he’s passed out in the other room, determined to be punished for waking a sleeping monster . . . but it’s not what he's fantasizing about now. 

He takes time in stroking you, a single finger digging in between your lips through the fabric, listening intently for your breathing to change. You sigh, one of those full exhales one does in their deep sleep, but you arc back a little, into his touch, leg falling forward crooked so you’re a little more spread. 

Doyoung wishes he could move down there and use his nose to push you apart instead of his hand but that’s not your fantasy–not this time. You didn’t want him to spoil you anymore, completely underestimating his love for it. True, he didn’t often eat other girls out, too personal or just too much of a chore to figure out what they liked, but you weren’t ever going to be with him and not come from that first. 

Just the thought of tying you up so he can spend hours fucking you on his tongue is making his cock pulse, too hard to be ignored. He quietly pulls down the drawstring of his sleepwear, freeing himself so he can replace his finger with the much wider tip of his cock, biting back a groan as he rubs into that damp, soft lace he’d known would suit you the moment he’d touched it in the display box brought to his private buying room. 

You'd never know he’d already fucked himself with it before ever giving it to you, that errant fantasy of touching you finally realized as you whimper a little in your sleep at the soft push of him between your legs. He finds where your clit is getting just as swollen as the rest of you, bouncing against warmth and the promise of unspooling that need with his help, again.

Just his precious little cocksleeve, spoiled and worshiped, showing your gratitude by begging for it even when you’re unconscious. He tests the waters of the scenario by slowly pulling the seat of your underwear to the side, easing in between the fabric and your folds. 

You twitch against him, sheets rustling. He holds still, cock jumping and balls tightening with a little anxiety. 

He only has this one chance. 

Outside in the dark and quiet of the house sleeps the man everyone knows you’re really with, the one who doesn’t have to fight for an I love you to pass your lips. You’d never understood what it felt like watching you climb into Jaehyun’s lap whenever the whim took you, pretending you didn’t know what it did to him or the other two of them watching you.

Your breathing is shallow and your hand flexes a bit, against the pillow, but that’s it. Within a minute he’s grown more confident that you’re still asleep.

He reaches over you, pressing the pads of two fingers against the front of your underwear while he slips a little deeper between your legs, eyes almost rolling back in his head at the contrast between the satiny slide of you and the rougher cling of your panties. It’s a relief as he loses himself to it, rutting from the back while he applies constant pressure to your bud.

“Mmm.” You make a soft noise, but he doesn’t pull free, choosing instead to keep a hypnotizingly steady pace fucking against you. Your hips twitch against him, seeking out more contact, but he doesn’t rush–pressing his head against the back of yours and melding with you in the softness of the pillows and sheets. 

You’re so wet you’re soaking his pants, everything he collects tickling down to his balls pressed into your ass. He’s going to stuff your mouth with his fingers, when you finally open it, make you gag on them while he fills you full from behind. 

You moan now, voice syrupy with sleep. He doesn’t care if you’re still down, not with you gently pushing back, trying to get release.  

Not yet, you little harlot, he thinks, hips going still again. He’s burning at the wait, your cunt continuing to glide against him as you act out whatever is going on in your dreams, the movement making him insane for how closely it adheres to his desire to have taken you back when you were innocent, his little virgin weed learning what her body wanted, seeking it out in his bed.

“Treat me like one of the girls you don’t really like. Use me.”

Such an unending fantasy of yours that he never wanted you, almost sweet for how dumb you are–or just willfully ignorant. He’s always liked the second one better–your little game played out that you were one of them. Dressed in that school uniform, kicking your skinned knees, sucking on a piece of candy while four college-age idiots hid their bathing-suited boners under their robes, fighting or fucking around in front of you so you could keep up that precious little illusion of immunity. 

“Johnny,” you murmur in your sleep. 

It should make his blood run cold but as with all twisted-up and tangled desires it only makes him feel ignited, pulse pounding in his head. You’re still asleep and thinking of someone else, someone not even in this house, the guilt of it passing over him faster than a cloud on a breezy day. 

He rocks back into you, this time pulling out enough that he can find your soft hole, already tight again–the only part of your body not relaxed as he forces his way past the flutter of your opening, cockhead sensitive enough to sense the more textured g-spot where he knows you’ll come fast and easy if he fucks into it. 

“Shh,” he says, finally trailing his mouth against your jaw, pushing into you softly. “Go back to sleep, baby.”

“Mmhmm,”  you reply, nuzzling into the pillow, curling into him. He pushes a knee between your legs, folding you into the bed beneath him as he begins to fuck you, finally taking you for himself and himself alone. 

You’re so warm inside, body adjusting to take him easily for how boneless you are, kitten-like mewls muffled by the pillow. It turns him on hearing the edge of pain there, the way you struggle when he pulls your underwear up so tight it sticks between your folds, clit rubbing against it the way he’d stroked himself to completion with it tied tight around his cock.

“Stay quiet or I’ll stuff your mouth full instead,” he whispers against your shoulder, feeling as always a little stupid but losing that internal cringe when you choke on a moan.

“Is that what my little slut was dreaming about? Gagging to tears on another man’s cock?”

He feels you tense at a bit at the suggestion, letting him use you in spite of the rougher handling. 

“That’s right. You said another man’s name in your sleep. Do you think that's acceptable?”

You shake your head, whimpering. 

“Such a whore you can't keep track of who's dick is inside of you. Tell me, who's fucking you right now?” 

“Doie,” you say, music to his ears. He'd always hated the nickname until you started using it. You were the only one–you were always the only one who made his chest burn with unsated desire when you said his name.

“Who owns this tight little pussy?” 

“You do,” you gasp out. 

“Are you going to forget me? Maybe I need to fuck you so hard you only think of me when you spread your legs for another man.” 

Doyoung feels electric at how easily you begin to crumble with just a few words, squeezing his dick so tight when he says something you like, even more when he makes it hurt. 

“Sleepy baby going to let me stuff every one of your holes until I’ve had enough? Use you like my own little doll?”

You nod, no longer capable of speaking except in a plaintive moan when he leaves you to shuck off his pants and pull down your ruined panties, pillow pulled beneath your belly to force your ass up. In this position he can drill into you deeper, burying you into the mattress with each thrust. 

“That’s what you get for crawling in here,” he says, fingers digging bruises into your hips to hold you down. “Keep your mouth shut and take it.”

The pleading, almost scared noises you're making have him hard and pulsing, two steps away from coming himself but in no hurry to. He pulls your hair to bring your head back, shoving his fingers in your mouth. 

“You like that?” Your cunt can't hide it, sucking him in. “Get them wet for me.” 

You drool over his knuckles, gagging as he fucks your mouth with them in an awkward rhythm to his merciless rutting. He spits into his hand when he's satisfied, fingers swirling around the tight rim of your ass so quickly it makes you buck. 

“Don't scream,” he murmurs, giving you two fingers at once. You make a noise through the pillow you're biting, gripping him tight. He's gentler with this, slowing, letting you adjust to take him.

“This is my favorite, right here,” he groans. “Feeling my cock inside you with my fingers. I'd fuck this tight little ass again but I want to feel you come like this.” 

He begins to stroke you harder, deeper, wet and sticky when his balls slap against your abused cunt. He keeps his fingers buried in you, scissoring you open as you take it.

“Come for me, Y/N, grip me good so I can fill that pretty mouth of yours.” 

It's a beautiful feeling when you begin to throb, contractions in your ring of muscle letting him know when you hit your peak. He fights the tingling in his balls, the urge to come with you painful for how long he's been holding it back. 

He talks you through it, instead.

“Such a good little hole,” he says. “You're coming so hard, baby, can feel it so well.” 

You moan, loud, as you break, loosening almost immediately, flooding him with sweet, hot warmth. He makes sure the last of those tics is gone before pulling out.

“Roll over,” he says, straddling you with a hand on the headboard, delighted by the sight of your flushed face and starry eyes. You already know what to do, tongue lolling and uvula exposed as he guides himself into your mouth, soft tongue swirling around his tip. 

God help him he's been thinking about this since yesterday, pushing deep enough to gag but not choke, fucking your mouth and the hot tightness of your throat when he hits it. It’s the sight more than anything that drives him to spill hot white ropes of cum into your mouth, pulling out to milk the last few splashes on your parted lips and delighting at the sight of you licking them with your spend-covered tongue.

“You’re so perfect,” he says, dropping down and kissing you, finally, tongues stroking each other until you finally pull free to breathe, blinking up sleepily at him. 

“You do taste different,” you tease.

“I taste like you,” he says, pressing soft kisses all over your face. “My sweet, sweet girl.”

“Did you like that?” you murmur. 

“I loved–” he pauses, watching the smile spread on your wet lips. 

“I love you, you know,” he finishes. You reach around his neck, comforting him out of instinct, but he doesn’t need it. 

“I love you,” he repeats, testing the words on his tongue now that they've flown out so easily, the tightness in his chest easing as you rise up to kiss him. 

“It's beautiful to hear you say it,” you say. “But you're right, I know.”

“I think I even know the exact time and date,” you say, reaching between you into the pocket of your shirt to pull out that torn and folded art paper scrawled with your words and an amateurish sketch.

Tomorrow morning . . .

[Unknown number] [Tomorrow morning April 13th dawn is at 6:17] [I have something to show you. Meet me on the roof of the East Wind Hotel]

Doyoung looks at the text message again, hand hanging over the railing of a dance floor, conversation with the woman by his side forgotten. With the blur of a late night and a trip to a different hotel room, with a different woman, he'd almost missed it.

Probably one of the innumerable flings he's had, Jungwoo recruiting him to get every last lick of enjoyment out of Seoul before he enlisted. His friend snatches the phone from his hand.

“No business,” Jungwoo slurs, eyes bloodshot as he focuses on the text. “I thought you weren't working hospitality anymore.” 

“It's not . . .” There's something nagging at him, like a bird pecking at his skull in time to the drone of the EM, the buzz of conversation. A sense of deja vu so strong he's forced to cycle on it. 

“Pfft. I know you don't bring girls back to your kingdom,” Jungwoo says. “Stop working and party.”

Doyoung doesn't know why he feels compelled to see the cryptic message through, doesn't know why he races across town at 5 am, reeking of whiskey and another woman’s perfume, doing his best to sober up as the designated driver talks about the change in weather, the cherry blossoms in full bloom outside the window.

The morning commute is already surging and the destination central to the city so by the time he makes it he's out of breath from running two blocks away from a jam, head pounding.

“ . . . restricted for non-guests,” someone is saying, voice recognizable as an intern he knows from his leadership program, still stuck on night front desk duty. 

“I just need a few minutes, please. I need to take a picture–” He'd recognize that voice in a hundred years if he hadn't heard it, not just a hundred days.

“What's going on here?” 

You freeze, shoulders stiffening as you turn to face him. Not much has changed–a new haircut, same ratty old sneakers–but you look different. No longer a ghost, but just as untouchable for the skittish way you hold when he approaches, only the barest relief on your beautiful features.

You don't smile, don't even say hello.

You're scared of him, again, just that thought making him spiral.

“You came,” you say, exhaling. “We need to hurry. We need to get to the roof.”

Doyoung turns to the staff. “Is the roof access still shut down?”

“Stair access only, sir.” 

Your eyes go wide at the interchange, something like embarrassment passing over your features as you begin to laugh. 

“Of course this is your hotel,” you state, smacking yourself on the forehead. “Of course, why didn't I think to check that. God, I'm an idiot.” 

“We didn’t change the name when we acquired the chain so it would be unlikely for you to have guessed that,” he says. “What are you doing here?” 

“There's no time and it's easier just to show you. We need to get to the roof, now,” you say, grabbing his wrist and tugging on it towards the stairs. 

“Y/N,” he says, holding you fixed and pointing at the elevator. “We can take it up as far as we need to.” 

You're still laughing maniacally twenty floors up. “I was going to cry if I had to go up another flight of stairs.” 

“Are you really taking pictures?” He asks, gesturing at your camera.

“No, but I started carrying it the first time someone called the police on me thinking I was going to jump,” you giggle, wiping away tears. He feels delirious from lack of sleep, so maybe you are, too, but it doesn't seem to be the case as you spring out the doors, forcing him to guide you when you're lost in the executive suite hallways.

“I managed to sneak in last time, otherwise I wouldn't have gotten this far. I'm glad you came just in time, I think they were going to kick me out.”

He's surprised at how easily things have snapped back into place between you, no mention of anything that's happened as you race up the stairwell to the roof access. 

“Will you tell me–”

“Oh thank god,” you say once your through the heavy doors and collapsed on the green helipad, growing impatient when he props the door open out of habit. He's been up here many times, nothing remarkable about the space besides the legacy sign on top, view crowded by other buildings at varying levels. 

“Stand here,” you say, pushing him into place, turning him by the arms. “Do you see it?”

“I don't even know what I'm looking for,” he says, beginning to grow annoyed. 

“Look over there, at the People's Bank. Relax your eyes, it will only take a minute.”

He feels increasingly foolish but he does what you ask, cool morning breeze clearing his muddled head. The sky is washed in a pink and blue haze, the sun cresting the more mountainous region of the city behind you to bathe the city in solid gold.

“There,” you breathe, letting out a little sigh.

“What?” All he can see is a few birds passing over the vista of crowded advertisements and neon. 

“Do you see the light?” you ask. 

“There's tons of lights–” he begins, cut short by the blinding catch of the sun's reflection on one of the characters, then another. He spells it out slowly, guided by your hand holding his to each one. 

The bank: Sa. 

The next building over, also burning brighter with the touch of the sun: Rang. 

Then an advertisement that has been up long enough most of the original message is lost. Hae.

“How did you find this?” he asks, knowing it would be impossible for him to have ever seen this without knowing the trick of the light. 

“I didn't find it. Well I did–I had to search some buildings for it.” 

Later he'll find out you climbed close to fifty flights of stairs in the last two months, had spent every waking moment not working or in school breaking into buildings before sunrise to find that exact spot, forever amused at the thought you hadn’t checked his family's flagship hotel first.

“You don't remember getting the same message from someone else?” you ask. “I was worried you wouldn't come, again.”

Again. Something tugs the memory up from the oubliette he'd locked it into, Mona teasing him about sleeping in and missing their appointment.

Mona. 

His stomach falls, checking back behind him at the door as if that particular ghost will return to haunt him.

“She's not here. I wasn't trying to set you up,” you say, recognizing the dismay he can't hide. “Honestly. And I know whatever closure you find is yours and yours alone. You were right about that, too, I'm sorry.”

You twist your hands in front of you, suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety. “I did this for me. Because I wanted to know what she tried to tell you, even if she couldn't say it aloud.”

You don't look at him, can't in order to continue. Doyoung feels like a live wire, exposed, two months of painful loneliness and a lifetime's worth of avoidance of this fact all surging through him in this moment. 

As much as he would prefer to leave he's not going to run like he did back then, when he'd ignored the hard parts to pretend like a friendship wasn't something more. Not with the stakes of losing this one.

“You once told me you were just friends, even if you couldn't be one anymore for her after you realized you loved her. How it broke you to be with someone you couldn't be with, who wanted something different.”

“Now you know. She didn't want to stay one, either,” you say. You look up at him nervously, regaining your confidence.

“I just wanted you to know that you were loved, Kim Doyoung. You still are.” 

You turn away towards the door, pretending not to have seen the tears dripping down his face under his glasses. He ignores them, too, not knowing what to say or do to make sure you never leave him again.

The spot never mattered to him, the word and it's confession forgotten in time. What changed that day was having you in front of him after so long, the way you were a reflection of him so many years ago, fighting to be by the side of someone who didn't know how to love you back, the right way.

He'd promised himself than that even if he couldn't say it, he'd show you.

“Thank you for coming. I'm sorry for interfering with your life, but that’s what friends do.”

You'd almost made it to the stairs when he'd wrapped around you from behind, the first ever time he'd held you in an embrace, unsurprised to find you shaking like a leaf as he rested a wet cheek against your hair. 

“I'm sorry,” he says. “Thank you.” 

You relax a little, squeezing his hand. In that small gesture everything is reset, everything is okay again. They won't talk about this for the next few years, even when Jungwoo asks how you'd come back into their lives so suddenly and without any indication that things had changed.

But they had. Deeply. 

“You can make it up to me by buying me breakfast,” you say, smiling up at him, wiping his cheek with your sleeve. “We have a lot to catch up on.” 

“Did I win?” you ask. 

Doyoung can only laugh, giddy, as you burrow into his side to smother him in kisses and teasing. You were put on this earth to challenge him, after all–always right there to match him in stubbornness and competition.

He presses his nose to your neck, inhaling the remnants of the scent you'd made together, one bottle for each, though you didn't have to know his formula was just a bit different.

“‘Tomorrow Morning’ has a nice ring to it, I suppose. It lingers well.”

“It was my answer, actually. I needed to see if I could break Saint Kim's vow of romantic abstinence before I made up my mind,” you say, smug as you move to get up. “Glad you were able to find out before your time was–”

You shriek as he pulls you down again, pinning you to the bed. 

“I still have a few hours,” he says, voice dangerous. “I'd like to hear you say it again.”

[earhartsease]

you're interning for the time travel bureau's temporal etymology dept, going back to find out the sources of all those "origin unknown" words in the dictionary like copacetic - but then during your cautious asking around you accidentally end up as the originator of around 23% of them