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phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess · 2 months ago

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Fun little Radiodust idea

For Sinsmas, normally something the Hellborn celebrate and not so much Sinners because the passing of eternity could get monotonous or distressing depending on where you landed in the afterlife...

Charlie, who Very Much has always celebrated it, decides that everyone should do a gift exchange!

To avoid everyone rushing out for multiple gifts, she chooses to have people draw names from a hat and made it clear that she would really hope that everyone tried their best to find or make something for their intended giftee that they actually thought the other would like.

'So', she cautions, 'that means nobody goes handing around anything that might be upsetting or tempt people to regress on their progress, or... uh, well...'

'Don't bring anything dead, decaying or dying.' Vaggie finishes, staring right at the oh so innocent Niffty/Alastor combo at the end of a nearby couch. Niffty pouts immediately and crosses her arms, sitting harshly on Alastor's lap.

"Come now Niffty, I am certain you can find a non-bug related item to provide your giftee in this..." the man can barely contain his derisive chuckle, but he clearly makes an attempt here even if only to show 'support' while the King is here. '...oh so charming little activity of dear Charlotte's, hmm? Why, you're a dab hand at sewing, remember? Why not make them a poppet of someone your giftee wants to torture? That could be QUITE the gift!"

"NO! NOPE! Noooooooooooooo not that, uh, please." Charlie interjects, not liking the excited sparkle thrumming through Niffty's eye. It dies immediately, and the little Sinner huffs in a way that pulls at several heartstrings.

"Fine."

"...maybe you can give us a list of ideas, princess?" Husk interjects, uncharacteristically, watching Niffty's fit of pique with a frown. "Avoid things getting..." he waves his hand around the room at various sinners. Explicit? Violent? Bloody? Uncomfortable? It encompasses them all.

"Oh, that's a great i-de-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" Charlie squeal-sings, and Vaggie barely has time to brace before a full song about the dos and don't of gifting is shared to the captive audience. Lucifer excitedly (and Vaggie reluctantly) join in after the first verse, enthusiastic about sharing a fun holiday with the others.

Husker was generally unimpressed, but enjoying the way that everpresent grin drooped on boss's face as he was bombarded by merriment.

"...and that's how to share the joy of Sinsmas!" crashes the final line as confetti seemingly bursts from a number of locations, including mid-air, and coats them all.

Niffty immediately launching around to skewer pieces individually on her needles and gather them into her apron pocket. It has to have some sort of pocket dimension or something in there, or it would be overflowing by now.

"Oh, we made a uh, a mess Char-Char, let me just-..." Lucifer starts, raising his fingers to snap it away, before snarling as they are ensnared in a red tipped hand.

"Majesty, would you mind leaving it this once? It brings her joy to clean up intricate messes." Alastor says, not even attempting to antagonise the King, and it seemed the fact that it was a genuine request, that stopped Lucifer from setting the Sinner on fire.

Angel Dust, half-awake, couldn't help but grin as he saw the slight softening to that sharp grin and those blood-red eyes as they followed Niffty's frenetic movements across the room. He liked the tiny dame, of course, and sometimes it was nice to see that she had others in her corner... can't be easy being so small in a place like Hell.

Not that he ain't dead certain Smiles or Husk would eviscerate anyone who tried something with Niffty, if she didn't tear them apart first. Angel knew that she'd stopped more than a few Exorcists from getting a bead on him in that last extermination. Always someone thinking they could end one last sinner before they died; well, jokes on them, 'cause Angel was still here and Cannibal Town was hostin' a big angel wing bbq soon. So, Hell 1: Heaven 0.

The little dragon thing that followed Charlie everywhere, Razzle he thinks, hovers nearby and hands over a slip of paper. Well, okay then.

Hmmm, fuck... what do you even get the King'a Hell? The man can straight up snap anything he wanted into existence, right? He sizes the guy up, wondering if a coupon for one night with The Angel Dust would be good enough for his Majesty... and then has a momentary moment of panic wondering if he would even be good enough for an ex-angel. Which was stupid because really, he was amazing and could fake it anyway anyone wanted... but, could he compare to the Queen?

Nah, okay, what if he got the guy like... something a little fun and discreet? One of Lust's toys. Angel had connections, after all, and it's not like someone could order the Tentacular Spectacular 4.3 with vibrating actions under 'Lucifer', or to the Palace, without at least one of the succubi getting nosy. Heh, or that Sin guy, Asmodeus...

Using his tertiary eyes to check about the room, it took little deduction to work out who had who.

Husk was drinking out of a bottle but subtly using the motion to side-eye Vaggie, clearly wondering what he could even offer the ex-orcist. The lilac woman looking tense as she gazed over at Niffty, a thousand yard stare building as she imagined the bloody things she might have to provide.

Lucifer looked like he'd won the jackpot, and also like a man on the verge of a panic attack. So, he's just guessing but... the guy probably got Charlie.

The Princess was still smiling but appeared uncertain as she looked at her paper, eyes flickering to Alastor and back to the paper. Alright then, she's stumped but doesn't want to say anything because it might hurt the Strawberry Pimp's feelings. Angel's pretty sure the guy ain't gottem to start with...

Well, no, that wasn't right. More like, Smiles tried real hard to pretend he didn't, but they were there. If the overlord felt like breaking into acting, or Angel's kind of Acting, he might just be a natural given how well he plastered over his real feelings all the time. But when your life depnded on watching for the small tells in your bigger, more powerful opponent or scene partner to work out how to get away without too many bruises... you noticed this sort of shit.

There was a brief moment of considering what the Radio Demon would look like on one of Val's sets, before he physically shook the thought out, perturbed. For one, that was kinda hot... and on the other hand, really disturbing... might save that for later, though.

Anyways, he can't really tell what Al was thinking, he wasn't really looking at anyone specific. Maybe he hadn't bothered to look at his paper yet?

Niffty's sudden burst of near hysterical laughter sent chills up his spine, as she sat on Husk's lap, petting him excitedly. If she wasn't careful, Niffty was going to build up a sharp little shock of static.

In anycase, based on the whole... everything, it was clear that the maid had received the bartender. Good Luck to Husk on that front, because it was going to be freaky whatever she did.

She bounced on Husk's overly-patient leg once more before crawling across the room to climb atop Al's head, whispering directly into his hair tuft... wait, was that an ear? Had Angel not realised those were fuckin' fluffy goddamn ears this whole time?

Unholy shit, they were! The one Niffty giggled into twitched!

That was fuckin' adorable, that's what that was!

"Of course, my deer, as you wish." Alastor grinned, a flash of radio dial eyes as his stitches flared, manifesting a spool of fine green thread for the maid. "I'm certain that whatever you deem necessary will be fine."

Husk suddenly looked exceptionally nervous.

"Alright then, remember, you have the next few days to find or make something for your giftee and we'll hand them out out on Sinsmas. If anyone gets reaaaaaally stuck, let me or Vaggie know, okay? We can brainstorm together!" Charlie enthuses, injecting false cheer through the room.

Vaggie narrows her eye. "And again, nothing fucked up... or fuckable." The last nnit was aimed right at Angel, who good-naturedly rolled his eyes, struck a pose and purred at her.

"Aw baby, you know you want all this... I'll even give ya a discount coupon for Sinsmas, if ya want..."

"I can't. I just... can't." Vaggie growls, storming out. Under that swathe of hair, she's trying so hard not to grin at their banter. Took a whole ass extermination to find their dynamic, but the pair had manged to act like bickering siblings.

As Alastor dissolved into shadows, Lucifer poofed into red sparkles, and Husk sauntered back to the bar with a contemplative expression on his face, Angel approached Charlie.

"Heya toots, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Oh, Angel... are you okay? If you're stuck, I can give you a hand to-..."

"Oh, I'd love ya to-... wait, sorry, that one just came out. The wordplay was Right There, but it's not what I wanted to say." he halts himself, seeing her good natured grin grow strained at the innunedo. "I was gonna say, that I wanted to trade names with you."

"Is there... something wrong with who you got? Oh gosh, I forgot to check if anyone had anybody they didn't feel comfortable gifting! Oh noooooo..." it trails off in a soft moan of self-disgust as the Princess tugs her own hair. Angel immediately puts a stop to that mess by gently untangling her hands and taking them in his own primary pair.

"Nah, it ain't like that. It's just... I worked out who you got, and that you're kinda not sure how to go about gifting the guy, which is fine he's hard to read. But, I pulled your Dad..." he pauses, seeing her brace, "which ain't an innuendo, promise. Although..." he waggles his eyebrows so ludicrously she can't help but burst into laughter.

"Right? So anyways, I think that given how hard the Short King has been trying to show you he cares for ya, then perhaps it might be the best Sinsmas gift of all if maybe you surprised him with something. He fought adam and fixed the hotel, all because he wants to see you happy, Toots, that's the kind of dad any of us here in the pit would've killed for... and let's be real, he's a mess. The guy is the most powerful thing around here and he's terrified to even put a frown on your face," Angel's grin is soft and knowing. "So like I said, maybe you take my slip and I take yours, and you give your old man a big surprise he ain't expecting."

There's a pause as Charlie grabs him for a bone-crunching hug.

"Please don't say the thing you're thinking right now..." Charlie whispers in his ear.

"Oh Charlie," he whispers back, squeezing her tight. "You know I can't help myself. Cause if you say no I'm gonna give him my Big Surprise on Smismas eve... you guys don't do the mistletoe thing do you? Cause I can find some places to hang it that- oof!"

Laughing, the Princess had playfully hurled him across the room onto the sofa. Giggling through an admonishment about Never Saying that about her dad again.

"Okay, okay, stop waggling your eyebrows like that, I can't breathe!" she wheezes, holding out her giftee slip to transfer it to Angel. Looking up at the now furiously waggling eyebrows before losing it again, and having to sit down, turning bright pink with glee.

It makes Angel nostalgic, with a sudden pang, for his twin sister and the hours they'd spent making terrible jokes and puns up just to send the other into fits of laughter. Ending up messy with happy tears as they wheezed for breath.

He glances down to the slip in his hand.

Okay then, Smiles... what can I get you that you ain't got already?

----------

It took a few days of persistent observation to find something he could use. Angel was really starting to think about using a handmade One Night Deluxe Package coupon for his services, before he noticed a few little peculiarities that he might be able to make work.

The most obvious one was that the Radio Demon enjoyed cooking.

It became apparent how many of the more elaborate dinners that the hotel residents had were actually secretly made by Alastor. Or at least, under his direction.

Huh. How hadn't he cottoned on to that little number before? Maybe because he was always crawling through the door at who the fuck knows what hour and heading for the bar, where Husk'd have something set out for him if it was too late for the cat.

Soemtimes it was a shot of something strong, a bottle of water and a sandwich; other times he find a brief note about something in the fridge they'd saved for him. Always felt good to be wanted somewhere, you know?

No matter what Val did to him or had done to Angel, he could at least think about the fact that someone was waiting for him. Someone cared that he came 'home' of an evening... and that, if he needed it, he could have help from almost anyone in the weird fucked up little family at the hotel.

If he yelled, or smashed a glass, someone would be there to check in.

Niffty was always in the walls somewhere, and Spooky Lite (Alastor's Shade) tended to wander around the foyer at night when he was returning, keeping an eye on the place Angel assumed. Husk sometimes fell asleep at the bar waiting on him to get back...

And he knew sometimes Vaggie had to sit on Charlie to stop the bleeding heart of hers from keeping her rigidly upright in a chair in the foyer all night until Angel returned. It was... pretty awesome, really.

Actually, his mind skipped back to Spooky Lite, and he wondered how it was always around about that time. Until the night before when Angel had slipped into his room with the thing following, and then crept back out, to find that Alastor had materialised in the kitchen for some late-night cooking.

Music threading out quietly as dishes were done by overenthusiastic moppets. At one point, he'd seen Niffty come in, stumbling and shaken, only to be picked up wordlessly and curled into one of Alastor's arms as the music lulled her back to sleep. Poppets returning her to her room when he was certain she was deeply settled once more.

There was a pained, pinched expression on the Radio Demon's face as he watched Niffty go. It sent a shock through Angel, and he's not sure how to describe it, not really. Just, an awareness of real emotion, even behind the too-bright smile that never seemed to stop.

If the guy even could drop it, which Angel wasn't so sure given those stitches he'd seen, or maybe Al was just real committed to the bit. But the eyes said more than the mouth ever could.

The next morning, Charlie had found a well-cooked and marinated meal in the fridge with instructions on reheating. Vaggie was loudly sceptical about the origins of the meat, but Husk took a bite and said it was beef (or the closest Hell equivalent) not Sinner.

Vaggie side-eyed Husk for the rest of the day after that one. The bartender shrugging. "You could try it, what's the worst that could happen? We're already in hell."

She'd rolled her eye.

Behind all the dramatics around him, Angel was forming a plan that he hoped might lead to the best possible gift for the picky red Overlord. He had an idea, but... really hoped it wouldn't be seen as trying to scrimp on gifts.

Although, perhaps if the Overlord could scent the amount of fuckin' blood drops this thing was costing him, that alone would be enough of a gift. He swore so frequently while reusing old skills with new limbs, that Husk came in to check on him... and put a pair of ear mufflers on Fat Nuggets.

Hells, he was even taking to doing the needlework between shifts at the studio. What else was there to do when the scenes were hours apart, and Val was busy fucking another ten people in some side room somewhere, after all?

Just hoped it came together in time.

----

Talk about a fucking buzzer beater.

Angel's fingers were stiffer than that time he shot that bukkake gangbang film with those echidna and shark-based sinners. Lotta cocks in that film and Val wanted it all in one take.

He'd needed a scalding shower and several massages to get his hands settled again after that little lot. Vaggie had helpfully hosed him off out front with a minimally disgusted expression on her face, thankfully, that day.

"Happy Sinsmas everyone! Ooooh, I'm so pleased you all went out of your way to find a gift for your giftee!!!!" Charlie beamed, far too cheerful for 5am in the damned morning. However, she had woken them all with enthusiastic song, and well... when Charlie was Up the hotel was Up.

"Yaaay..." croaked a clearly half-awake Vaggie.

"It means so much to me that you're all here with us, celebrating like a real family this Sinsmas! I couldn't do this without you, any of you, so I hope you enjoy this part and then we'll get onto the Sinsmas breakfast, and the games, and watch some movies... or not... you don't have to Al. Promise!" Charlie adds, conceding as rather stilted static plays.

Alastor looks overtired, and clearly unimpressed at the early start to the day. Still, he pulls together some form of charade when the Princess glances at him and nods.

"So, how're we doing this Char-Char?" Lucifer asks, infuriatingly chipper as well. Ah, seems like the morning person power must be genetic... the lucky bastards.

"So, I was thinking we can all hand them out simultaneously to our giftee, so no one is trapped in the spotlight... if that's okay?"

"Sounds good to me." Husk shrugs and hauls himself off the couch, tail flicking as he moves to hand a pair of oddly shaped gifts to Vaggie. "Happy or Merry or whatever Sinsmas, chickadee, this one's for you. "

"Oh, uh, thanks Husk!" Vaggie says, taken aback by the gifts, and for a split second he wonders if exorcists were allowed to get gifts in Heaven, because she looks close to tears.

As Vaggie unwraps her gifts, Niffty tugs at the cat's claws, "Husk, I got you and I made you something! I-... I know I couldn't get anything as fancy as the things the others might have, but I made it special. Promise."

She bundles something into his arms that had been carefully wrapped in what appeared to be salvaged wallpaper from the previous hotel.

"Thanks Niff, appreciate it." Husk rumbles, moving back to the couch and pulling open the package with care and a small amount of trepidation. It very well might explode, after all.

"Oh, Niffty, before you run away, this is for you." Vaggie says, handing over a pretty box in a familiar dusk rose.

Niffty squealed and placed it on the ground, pulling it open with speed to reveal a brand new dress in a scintillating spill of red, white and yellow to match her favourite colours. There's even a petticoat.

"It's made by Overlord Rosie herself... she put a charm on the petticoat that'll keep it from getting any dirt on it, because I know you don't like that." Vaggie explained, not sure how to read the sudden statue Niffty's turned into... and then backing up as the maid begins to vibrate at great speed. She's slammed into by the maid, nearly being taken out at the knees with the force. "Ooof, I take that means you like it?"

"YES YES YES YES YES!"

"Cool, good, nice to know. There's one other thing but now I think about it, it's kind of silly..."

Niffty launches back to the box and reverently lifts out the second item. A feather duster with an extendable handle... made of Vaggie's discarded feathers. She screams in delight and launches over to pepper kiss on Vaggie's cheek, then hurls herself towards a cobweb on the ceiling.

"Nailed it, kid." Husk said, and Charlie's eyes are round and wet where they stare at Vaggie.

Blinking, the Exorcist realises she needs to open her own gifts, turning to do so. With care, she peels back the lavender wrapping to reveal a carefully framed and still covered in golden ichor... knife. An angelic blade, to be exact.

The one that killed Adam. Beside it, a smaller photo of Niffty plunging the dagger into the guy, clearly shot from HD drone footage, likely Voxtech. Her eye goes WIDE as she stares at the cat.

"How did-...? You-...! This is the best thing but how...?" she tries.

"I'd tell you, but I think Al will kill me if I mention what I had to trade for Vox to hand that picture over..." the bartender muttered. Vaggie glances at the Radio Demon, watching his ears twitch.

Angel cringes. Vox has it Down Bad, so whatever it took... was likely personal, like a bowtie or even a pair of panties. The sudden mental image of Al in fancy panties made him snort, and try to pass it off as a dry throat cough. Lucifer snaps him up a glass of water without even appearing to think about it.

"...Husker, if you did what I assume you did, then the idiot box is going to be Insufferable at the next Overlord meeting." Al sighs, dramatically.

"Sure, but on the other hand it's kinda funny when you think about how far he'll go just to pretend he could get your attention, right boss?" Husk counters, pulling out a crisp looking shirt and jacket combo from his own gift. Eyes going wide in surprise.

It was well-tailored, and if you looked at the right angle, there were impossibly small symbols adorning both garments. Sigils, familiar ones, that seemed to spell out some sort of protection...

"Niff, you made these on yer own?" the grizzled bartender huffs, genuinely touched. "That's amazing, is what it is."

"Well, Sir helped a little with some of the symbols, because I can't always get them to line up stright in my head... but we got the charm right!" Niffty said brightly, hovering over his shoulder. She just seemed to Appear in the most unnerving way. "Oooh, open the other bit!"

At first, Husk wasn't sure what he was looking at, until Angel Dust gasped and covered his grin with two hands. "No way."

"Niff, is this... Valnetino's collar fluff? The stuff you snagged at the club?"

"Yep, he was a not good bad boy and I didn't like him. I know you don't like him either, so you can have some of my trophy so we can not like him together!" She trills, delighted.

"Would it sweeten the pot if I told you it ain't grown back yet and he does this weird comb-over shit to hide the bald spot?" Angel Dust adds, not able to hold it in any longer.

Husk barks out a laugh, "Oh that's the best news I've had all day, Legs. Might get this framed, even. Put it over the bar so that nearsighted motherfucker can see it if he ever dares put a foot into this place... without one of us tearing it right off his body, that is."

Vaggie gasps in the background, opening her second gift, more cumbersome than the first. It's an ornate cherry-red picnic basket, with a red and yellow blanket atop, and clearly heavy with cutlery and crockery.

"You need to relax more, Vags... you and Charlie. That thing has a little zap from his Majesty that keeps anything inside at the right temperature, and stops it spoiling. You can go anywhere and it'll keep." Husk shrugs. Those two were wound so tight he was surprised neither had combusted yet... a prod in the right direction, from the friendly bartender, was hopefully the thing to change that.

Vaggie came over and awkwardly put her arms out, before deciding to just go for the hug. He grumbled, but allowed it for a few seconds before pulling back.

"O-Okay, who's next?" Vaggie stammers, turning to find that Lucifer and Charlie were in a world of their own.

Charlie was a sobbing mess of delight as she held a small dragon-duck-winged thing in a little dress. It was like, yet unlike, Razzle and Dazzle... same concept but more... duck. There was no better descriptor than that, really.

"Her name is Ella-Kazam, un-unless you wanted to make it something else... she's still new enough you can change it over." Lucifer shrugged, looking hopeful and awkward, stroking the creature's head as Razzle flew over to meet this new friend.

Not a replacement for Dazzle, never in a million aeons. but, a new friend and possibility.

"No, no she's perfect Dad!" Charlie sobs, rubbing her cheek against Ella-Kazam, and delighting in the squeaky quacks. She startles when the little protector drops a golden item in her palm. "Oh, what's this?"

"It's, um something I was holding onto for you until the right time..." Lucifer adds, wondering if perhaps he should have switched the order of the gifts.

Charlie rights the items, surveying the family crest on the necklace before something goes 'click' very quietly, opening to reveal it is a locket inside. Light rises up and shows a stately photos of the royal family, Charlie as a young child in their midst.

Charlie begins sobbing in delighted earnest, clearly frightening the king. Vaggie intervenes, having gotten quite good at this sort of thing. Alastor's shadow pokes at Lucifer's pocket until the ex-angel recalls that he has a handkerchief in there, which is swiftly offered to Charlie.

It takes several moments to settle the Princess, as she hands over a strangely wrapped thing, half as tall as the king and about the width of KeeKee. It has circus-themed wrapping paper, which he would assume was an insult from anyone else, but Charlie seems to be trembling with anxiety, as desperate for his approval as he was for hers.

The King of Hell cautiously opens the package, eyes widening to discover an ornate musical carousel inside, themed towards those at LuLu World. Small differently coloured and styled ducks took the spaces of the trasitional horses, and when he looked closer... he found himself, Charlie and Lillith were some of the riders.

"Oh Charlie, it's lovely, did you conjure this yourself...?"

"I... I had some help, I had an idea but I couldn't quite get it to do what I was hoping it would, so I asked... for assistance." She evades, pointing to two small toggles on the base of the carousel. "If you wind the key it will play until it's unwound itself, but if you click the yellow switch it will play on its own and-..."

She pauses as a different song begins, this one feels less tangible, and reaches inwards. Everyone in the room is flooded with a sense of overwhelming calm, of tranquility and safety as a pleasant memory is stirred from deep within and replayed against their mind's eye.

"...it will play a tune that brings up good memories, to help you sleep or feel better or... just make you happy." Charlie sighs softly. She then clicks that feature off and presses the Black switch.

Another not-sound fills the air, this one is like a hand reaching out to someone in the ocean, a spool of thread that leads out of a maze, a feeling of being found and drawn out of somewhere deep.

"And this one is to help when you get lost in your head or whatever you want to call it. It's a homing beacon. It took a few days to work out how to make it work, but Al helped me... he twisted some of the radiowaves and made them do... that." Charlie explained. She then paused to ad, "It can read your emotions... the switches are able to turn on by themselves if they sense someone needs it."

"Char-Char, this is amazing, honey. How did I ever make such a wonderful, thoughtful child?" Lucifer smiles, glowing with pride at his daughter, eyes filled with delighted tears. Lucifer gathers his not so little girl up in a big hug, swooping them up in the air and twirling to show his joy.

Alastor hummed in agreement, getting him a side-eye. Lucifer rolled his eyes. "Alright, this once I suppose you can also claim good parenting of 'our' daughter... that's a neat trick with the carousel and I have some questions around how, for later."

Quietly, because nothing he'd done held a candle to that of the other gifts, Angel moves to sit a tad close to Alastor and passes over his small package. Green wrapping paper carefully tied about them, as he'd noticed the sinner's preference for the colour, despite his red attire.

Alastor snaps his fingers and a pink sack landed on his legs, not heavy, but full of something. He flipped open the sack to find a smaller item wrapped atop the area, and decided to look into it first as Alastor carefulyl pulled free the green paper.

Angel's brows creased in confusion when he first looked at the item, it seemed like a choker but not oriented right and, well, a bit large for him...

Side-eying Alastor, the Radio Demon rolled his eyes and let out a low whistle that seemed to summon an unexpected party. Fat Nuggets trotted in happily, and suddenly it clicked for Angel.

"This is for Nuggsy? A collar that matches my choker?" he asks, surprised.

"Yes, and no. The fabric is imbued with a few different charms, my effeminate fellow... you will find that it can adjust size as your little friend grows, shift to match any choker you deign to wear, and..." he pauses, eyes widening at the item he unwrapped. "...and has a location tracking spell in it that can activate by thinking about your hellpig. Did you embroider this yourself?"

"Hmm? Uh, yeah... my fingers sure know about all the times I slipped with the damn needles. Haven't had to embroider since I was alive." Angel laughs, feeling kind of silly now, to gift something so tacky and homemade.

"Well, I must say it is a delightful gift, thank you Angel, I see you spent extra time getting the notes and antlers of the creatures embroidered with such detail. I can always make use of a new apron. Tell me... are you aware that the notes are-..."

"That one fuckin' tune you play when you're cooking at like ass o'clock in the morning when I get back? Yeah. Took me a bit to work it out, then put it down right, but between Charlie and I we got it."

Radio dials flashed, more out of panic than anything. "Ah, you were spying on my cooking hour, hmmm?"

"What? N-... well yeah, I was coming home late anyway, course I was curious who else was up." Angel shrugged. "Besides, that's not the only thing there, keep going."

"Likewise."

Alastor uncovers a thick stack of hand-written notes next.

He automatically discards the Coupon for One Night with Angel Dust, in a dramatic way that was expected of him, but it wasn't incinerated so that was positive. Underneath it, once the excess glitter was carefully brushed off... was pile of painstakingly recreated recipes.

"So, those were things my nonna and my ma liked to make at home. Loved cooking wth them but I think they held back some secrets for only my sister... you know how it is. Thought you might like trying something new when you were doing your cooking thing." Angel adds, not looking, worried he'd made a fool of himself. What kind of gift was a bunch of recipes to a Radio Demon anyway?

"What a remarkably apt and personal gift, Angel... here I was bracing for you to provide something as tall as you and vibrating hard enough to dent the floors. Colour me surprised..." Alastor's light hearted nonsense brushes his tension away as the arachnid begins to laugh.

"You want that sort of thing? I got connections to Ozzie's, through Fizzy, he can get us the tentacular spectacula-..."

A tendril slams about his mouth. "No, thank you, that will be quite enough with such a delightful gift as you have provided. If you are someone intrigued in cooking, I may be persuaded to share some of my own maman's recipes, particularly those for jambalaya. Though if I catch you seasoning with only half-spice, you will be turned INTO appropriately seasoned Jambalaya. Do you understand me?" Alastor grinned, and somehow Angel could tell this was playful banter, and not a threat.

"The spicy stew thing? Fuck yeah I'd love to know how to make that, oh and the powdered doughnuts things. Cherri loves them, and after Pentious died she's been real flat lately..."

"They do not take long, I will show you later in the morning if you are free. After all, your bombastic friend did help in the battle, it is the least we can offer in her time of distress." Alastor says, seemingly distracted by something, as if weighing up the pros and cons of something.

"Oh, do continue."

Angel cautiously opens the sack and pulls out skein after skein of dyed wool, all slight variations of his preferred pinks, with some other basic colour groups in there. He touches it, not daring to believe it but...

"This is sheep demon wool, isn't it?" he chokes, then narrows his eyes.

Alastor laughs, "Willingly given, why she has collected it for some time and twists it into yarn herself before overseeing the dying with several other sinners in her employ. I merely requested to have some for your gift, as I have seen you take an interest in knitting of late."

"When you say 'requested'..."

"Dearest Angel Dust, I assure you that if I had not stopped the woman she would have provided me every skein on the floor and refused payment if I was not firm with her. A persistent sinner, that one."

"Oh? Why's a sinner so generous then? You own her?" Angel tensed, surprised by the wrinkling of Alastor's nose in distaste.

"No, she does have a deal, primarily for protection, and that was at her insistance."

"Wait, sheep demon sinner? Yeah, Ange, don't worry about it. She's been hurling her soul at Alastor in thanks since he stopped... something pretty fucking bad happening at a butcher shop down the bad side of Pentagram city. It don't do business anymore, the boar that owned it went... missing." Husk interjects, side-eying Alastor.

"Hah, and the big bad Radio Demon is what, freaked out by someone throwing themselves at him? Smiles, ya hot, that kind of thing happens you need t'get used to it. S'why I always got a taser in one of my other-other arms, y'know?" He laughed, enjoying how one of those ears twitched down. "I do love the gift though, knitting helps me unwind and I 've never had anything but the fake acrylic stuff that gets weird and itchy after a bit. So, thanks... it's the best gift."

"What about the Other one, boss?" Husk needles, grinning and catching everyone's attention.

Alastor rolls his eyes, and snaps his fingers. "Spoilsport, I was leaving the best until last..."

The bloody, barely shuddering form of Valentino appeared on the rug before them, making Angel's eyes buldge in shock. The moth's wings looked to have been shredded methodically.

Alastor prodded the sack of flesh with his staff. "Well, the good news is that he was conscious enough to hand over this delightful little piece of paper..."

Angel's heart nearly falls out of his throat when his contract appears, sealed with a green band instead of deep pink, falling into his now-trembling hands.

"Tear it up as you wish, I have no need to possess the soul of one of our guests. I merely assumed you'd want to do it in the prescence of the one who trapped you in it, for closure... before I put him in the broadcast."

"How did-...?"

"For the price Vox asked, I negotiated the right to kill his little toy and take at least one of the contracts." Alastor said sharply, clearly not wanting to discuss it further. "Still, it does remove one nuisance..."

"Alastor, this wasn't what I meant..." Charlie sighs, trying to be disappointed but so pleased for Angel at the same time.

"Was this not a thoughtful, personalised gift of something that the giftee might cherish? Ownership of their own soul?" Alastor replied, gentling his approach. "I don't suppose you or your father would like to... have a word about the time he licked your arm?"

"He WHAT?!"

"Dad, it's fine!"

"Angel, do let me know if you would like to join me when I integrate this... creature... into my broadcast. If I dislike the man and his antics, I can only assume your feelings towards him are far stronger and of greater import. I plan to braodcast at 8pm sharp, don't be late and wear something that you aren't attached to, it gets... Messy."

Alastor prods Valentino until the moth looks up, scowling, and then passes out.

Angel's trembling fingers grasp the contract, heart thundering like it was some sort of sick game and he'd wake up any moment, and tears it in two. Immediately, his collar shatters and Valentino twitches in his stupor.

"...okay, I gotta know, what did he do that ticked you off so bad?" Angel asked, elbowing Alastor, who rolled his eyes.

"Numerous things, I always meant to get around to killing him for his treatment of his thralls... and free you, as Charlotte has always hoped to do. However, I believe I have hated the man from our first meeting, he is so exceptionally odious after all."

"Why, he lick your arm too?" Lucifer growls, looking like he was still contemplating immolating the beaten overlord for touching his Charlie.

"Hah no. Well, you could say our first meeting went rather badly as I bite off his tongue... he's still angry about that, but I feel quite justified in the action for you see, it ended up in my mouth without any warning. He's lucky Vox, who we were both accuainted with at the time, asked for mercy... in hindsight, I should have turned him into mincemeat."

Angel scowled as well. "Yeah... the bastard ain't one for consent."

There was a heavy moment marring the day, before Alastor snapped the Overlord away to who knows where and added cheerfully, "Well, no need to concern ourselves about that anymore... he'll be beyond deceased this evening, and I understand there is quite the day of festivities ahead. If everyone has unwrapped their gifts and found them satisfactory?"

Different statements of assent echoed from around the room as people tried on, tested out or played with their gifts. The Radio Demon was about to speak further when he was hugged to within an inch of his afterlife by a very tall arachnid who was half sobbing, half laughing in joy.

"Ya fucking nuts, Smiles, I like that in a man. This was the best Sinsmas gift ever!" He crowed enthusiastically, and the emotion flowed across the others in the room like a tide of joy. He dropepd his voice under the clamour to whisper, "You just keep hold'a that coupon and I'm going to give you the best night ever... even if that amounts to like, a neck massage and talking about baking tips, all the way to breaking the bed and eating sauteed pieces of Valentino. Whatever you want... I feel almost alive again, Smiles."

Patting the spider sinner gently on the arm and being relieved at the release with most bones still intact, Alastor grins. "I'm quite pleased that I seem to have found an acceptable gift. Now, if nobody minds, I think we could all do with some breakfast... I might even be convinced to try some of those deplorable sugary discus you call pancakes little Majesty."

"Why, ran out of juice after banging that television guy?" Lucifer snipes back, playfully.

"Hah, no, he's no challenge. Now, your wife on the other hand..." Alastor fades into shadow with a cackle as Charlie covers her face with her hands, deep breaths taken to fortify her for the rest of the day.

"Oh you fucker-..." The King exhales, throwing his hands up... and begins to laugh. "Get back here and help cook breakfast, deer, or I'm taking sole custody in the divorce."

With a dramatic gasp, Alastor fades back into view. "How dare you! No judge would side with such a scoundrel..."

Rolling their eyes at the back and forth, the hotel residents head for the kitchen to start off Sinsmas with good food, warm bellies and pleasant conversation. With a hint of competitive dadding in there.

Angel carried Fat Nuggets, in her new little collar, to the kitchen with them. His eyes firmly on Alastor's back, the gaze making those fluffy ears twitch as they sought out the observer.

"Hey Nuggsy... I might be going made from post-contract delirium, but I gotta ask... how would you feel about having a new daddy?"

For her part, Nuggsy just snuffled contentedly in his arms and fell asleep.

--------------

The end

Will write it better when its not 3fuckingam

this was meant to be a funny throwaway post and now look at it

I'll have to fix and format it so it makes sense and put it on AO3.

#hazbin hotel #radiodust beginning of #alastor #angel dust #sinsmas themed story #all characters here #hope i chose things they'd like #fat nuggs

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