#all about photo awards / the minds eye 2020

[sitting-on-me-bum]

The Wallace’s Flying Frog is a moss frog found in Malaysia and western Indonesia

by Chin Leong Teo (Japan)

All About Photo Awards, the Mind’s Eye, 2020

[sheltiechicago]

A man falling off a bull in a rodeo event held in Taralga, Australia.

Particular Merit Mention: 'Break Away' by Tony Law (Australia)

All About Photo Awards, the Mind’s Eye, 2020

[eponymous-rose]

Return of the Revenge of the Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E108-109 (September 15, 2020)

It’s been six months since the last Speech Machine Upper Luminosity (is that right?), so let’s jump right back in like nothing ever happened!

Tonight’s guests are Laura Bailey and Matt Mercer!

Announcements: Talks will now be biweekly, discussing two episodes at a time! Unfortunately, this means fan question submissions aren’t doable yet, since they’ll often be filming Talks for episodes that haven’t aired yet; questions will come from crew, but fanart and cosplay from earlier episodes will still get awards. Dani Carr’s new official title in the company is Lorekeeper!

Episodes 108-109

Brian asks Matt about the tug-of-war with the Moonweaver’s influence: “how much of that did the Traveler and Jester’s interactions influence him not going back to the Feywild?” Matt: “Okay, well, the Moonweaver isn’t necessarily happy about taking on the images and icons and co-opting elements of her worship, but also isn’t a vindictive deity necessarily.” She has a similar fey history to Artagan, “so I knew this encounter, there would be a punishment involved, at the very least to take Artagan down a few pegs.” He wasn’t going to be actually banished; the Moonweaver just wanted to “scare the shit out of him: You think you’re a trickery god? Welcome to the original trickery god, bitch.” There was a possibility of him just vanishing for a while, if there was no sign of humility; but based on their interactions, it was just enough to show the planetar that maybe this isn’t the same “troll of an Archfey” that the Moonweaver had known. “Maybe this is enough of a lesson.”

Laura thought Artagan was going to be “gone-gone, and Jester was going to be left alone”. She thought there was going to be a Feywild rescue, and Jester would have to try to find a new deity.

Laura’s wi-fi conks out. So does mine. Ah, 2020.

Jester would probably have followed the Moonweaver in an attempt to make amends. Laura mentions that every time she sat down to prep something for Traveler-Con, she realized Jester wouldn’t sit still long enough to plan it.

Laura: “If that cult hadn’t been there and she hadn’t seen what a false god could do to people, I don’t think she would have come to the realization that what her and the Traveler were doing was detrimental: oh, we’re fucking over people’s lives, hardcore.” If Artagan hadn’t been on board with picking a different deity, Jester would have stepped down at Traveler Con and she would have exposed the lie.

Matt’s “super happy” because he was purposely making sure he didn’t know what was going to happen at Traveler Con. “Okay, everything around it’s going to be interesting and fleshed out, but as to the actual convention, I have no idea what’s going to happen.” He wanted to balance a complete train wreck with character beats and mini-arcs, and he was satisfied with how that worked out.

Brian asks if Jester ever considered walking away from the Traveler. Laura: “Yeah. It could have progressed to that point. Jester always gave him the benefit of the doubt, and loves him with her entire heart, so if he would have not seen that what they were doing was not acceptable, in his own way, then Jester would have probably walked away. I don’t know if she would have walked away from him, but it would have been a big issue for her. I have no idea what that would have meant for her... my entire character arc.”

How does Jester feel about the Traveler now? “She loves him, but at the same time, she doesn’t adore him without boundaries. She sees a little bit more of who he is, and the worshiping aspect isn’t there anymore. She sees him more like another friend. That’s a complicated relationship for a cleric to have.”

Matt talks about what a fan he is of his players. “I’ve just been enjoying the hell out of this.”

Has Artagan learned his lesson? He’s been living for a long time, and old habits are hard to break. Matt points out that Artagan “is free in a place that he doesn’t have complete domain over, and he’s been humbled a few times. I think he’s definitely learned a series of lessons to some degree. We’ll see how far it sticks and where their relationship goes.”

Brian asks Laura how it’s been to have the spotlight on Jester for a long time. Laura: “It was nerve-wracking. I feel very relieved that it’s on to something else now, but it was so much fun, too. I feel like I kept getting so emotional as her through all this. Having to come to terms with all the things she was going through was crazy. But it felt good.”

Cosplay of the Week: An amazing Yasha by @shiieldmaiden on Twitter, photo by @asheneyed.

Matt: “I took a bath for this.”

Brian notes that Jester found herself caught between her god and the M9. Who would she have chosen if Artagan hadn’t kicked her off? Laura: “Here’s the thing. If Fjord hadn’t jumped on my back, Jester would have gone. But him doing that, I mean, that’s why I froze like I did. I really didn’t know where it was going to go. Thankfully Artie made that choice for me.”

The Vilya reveal’s been waiting since Marisha made Keyleth’s backstory. Brian recalls that the question of what happened to Vilya came up in the campaign 1 recap, and Matt was cagey about it. “When I got the original backstory from Marisha, in my head, I was like, her mother’s probably still alive, just lost to the chaos for reasons that I’ll get to, but I like the idea of an eventual reunion when it made sense.” As they got later in the campaign, Keyleth’s story became about taking on this leadership and stepping into her mother’s footsteps: “I didn’t want to rob her of her journey by bringing her mother into it before it was complete. There wasn’t a beat that felt right for it in the first campaign unless the players actively wanted to go and seek it out.” He knew she was on an island somewhere, and that there was an issue with her memory, but the details were still hazy, and it never came up in the first campaign. “As soon as we got to Rumblecusp as a possible visiting location, I was like, this would probably be the island that Vilya’s at.” He knew the community would pick up on it quickly, but the players would likely be too engrossed in their own story. “Getting to send her home was wonderful, both for an idea of closure, but as a long-waiting gift to Marisha and Keyleth. It’s something that I’ve been looking forward to giving to her.”

On building Vilya’s character: “I wanted to make sure she wasn’t too similar to Keyleth. She couldn’t remember her family, but when she did, it meant everything.”

Brian asks what inspires Jester’s thought process to try and befriend every creature they come across. “Everyone is interesting. Except for Celia, she’s a bitch. If you piss her off, she might just hate you forever, but everybody else she thinks is pretty great. Jester can hold a good grudge.”

Brian asks Matt about the inspiration for Vokodo. “It is a heavily customized version of a Morkoth. I was just intrigued by how they had created this creature that creates this island around it. It has ways of affecting the minds of creatures around it. I didn’t enjoy that the creature was only Medium in size, and I wanted it to be something that was a little bit more changed by its experiences.” He also tied it in with the Astral Sea lore and suggested that it had been changed by its proximity to this volcano, similarly to how Thordak did in the first campaign.

Fan Art of the Week: An amazing Traveler Con Jester and Artagan by @callanthee on Twitter

How about the visions of the living city? Laura: “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with that thing. If it true that there’s a Molly connection, the Eyes of Nine, I don’t know. It’s just too much. We have to look into it.” Matt, blandly: “Weird mysteries.”

Who would the Disintegrate spell have hit if it had ricocheted? “Initially, I would have wanted to choose Caleb, like back at himself, because the immediate threat of that ray towards Vokodo, it would have been just right back at him.” But the runner-up would have been Jester because of the threat of the banishment back to the Astral Sea, the one place he didn’t want to go.

Laura could tell from Liam’s gameplay that he hadn’t realized someone was going to perma-die from that. “I thought it was going to be me, because I had been the one to banish him.”

Dani points out that the group would probably have gone after Artagan if Jester had died right before Traveler Con.

Matt highlights Cad’s Divine Intervention as pretty much the only way they could have learned the important information they used to prepare for the fight with Vokodo. He was torn between frustration at not being able to use this boss to its fullest potential... and pride in his players.

Laura is amused at listening to the characters talking about Jester when she’s not there. “It’s fun to hear but not be able to use that at all in your interactions with them.” Laura points out that even her sister who watches the show doesn’t trust the Traveler. Matt mentions that he’s always being very careful with the relationship between the Traveler and Jester, because it could get into rough territory. “There are unhealthy elements of their relationship, very much so. A lot of her story has been about disillusionment.” Laura: “Yeah. Eyes open.” They’ve set up bumpers to make sure they don’t veer into territory the players find uncomfortable. 

“Artagan at the end of campaign one versus Artagan at campaign two are different. He came into this world a purely selfish being of id and impulse. He still has those dark tendencies and can lean down those dark paths. But he went from a purely chaotic, selfish creature to unintentionally beginning to care for people that aren’t him.” Traveler Con definitely left a mark on him. “Aw shit, I let them in.”

Sam starts Facetiming Brian. “How does he know when we’re filming this?! No. I’m not going to do it.”

Matt and Laura are "super excited” for the new landscape of the next part of the journey.

Laura notes that Jester is getting past the point of “needing to put on the mask”, including around her mom. And as that’s happened at Traveler Con, the small breakdowns have been piling up. “That’s what therapy’s like, right?”

On the new goliath shopkeeper (even with the mispronunciations as clues, I got nothing on that spelling), Matt points out that purchasing magical items is tricky because most things were pulled into the war effort. He was trying to figure out how a shopkeeper could build a business in that environment: “with a bunch of really small, shitty enchantments”. As a kid, he loved novelty shops, and took a lot of inspiration from those memories.

So glad everything’s back in business! “As always, don’t forget to love each other. And don’t worry, it’s almost Thursday.”

[kpopfanfictrash]

s is for sexy

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Pairing: Jungkook

Word Count: 1,532

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An accompanying drabble to The Art of War More. This drabble takes place after the events of both TAOM and L is for Lunacy. Jungkook is included in People magazine’s Sexiest Men Alive issue, but you can’t find a copy anywhere.

[ PART OF MY JUNGKOOK BIRTHDAY DRABBLE GAME ]

“We’ve made a terrible mistake,” you complained, sinking down on a park bench to rest your chin in one hand.

Coming to a stop, Gina craned her neck to peer over her shoulder. “I agree,” she said. “We should’ve stopped and gotten donuts at that shop I pointed out.”

“Gina.” You looked up. “Read the room, alright?”

“Right, sorry.”

She grinned, plopping down on the park bench beside you. Adjusting her green and white striped shorts, Gina lifted a hand to scan the horizon. A few children played on the slide at the playground, their innocent cackles drifting over the hedges.

Utterly exhausted, you sighed. “We should give up.”

“No!” Gina turned to face you, appalled. “We’re not stopping until we’ve combed every newsstand in the city. Until we’ve harassed every bodega owner! Until our names are plastered under persona non grata in every library!”

Normally, Gina’s speeches were enough for you to crack a smile, but not today. Today was the day Jungkook’s big magazine article was released and you had woefully dropped the ball. To be fair, Seokjin had suggested you order the volume ahead of time, since the People’s Sexiest Men issue tended to sell out, but you completely forgot.

Jungkook had stayed on campus through Senior year, but then had immediately entered the NHL. This was his second full season with the team and already, he was garnering national attention. Much of this was due to a viral clip of your boyfriend removing his jersey at the end of game five of the western conference finals, but said clip wouldn’t have gone viral if Jungkook had been on the bench.

The fact that he got playing time in his first season was remarkable – let alone that he was playing in the semis and was now considered the league’s It boy. Already there were rumors of him being nominated for end of year awards. Jungkook was excited about those, of course, but you and your friends were more excited for this. People’s Sexiest Men Alive.

He wasn’t the cover, of course – that was reserved for A list celebrities – but it seemed Jungkook’s abs had been enough to land him a mention. You’d planned on wallpapering the apartment door with the photo before he got home tomorrow, but that wouldn’t happen if you couldn’t get your hands on a copy.

Unfortunately for you, the issue seemed to be sold out.

Sighing again, you folded your arms over your chest. “Has Seokjin said anything to you?” you asked Gina. “Was he able to find one?”

“How should I know?” she said, somewhat defensive. “It’s not like I know everything Seokjin does or says.”

You stared at her for a moment, unsure how to respond. “Uh – I know?”

“Right.” Gina swallowed, somewhat mollified. “Why don’t we call him?”

Shaking your head at her weirdness, you pulled your phone from your pocket. Honestly, Gina and Seokjin had been acting mad weird lately. They acted all cagey and awkward whenever you asked one about the other. If you didn’t know better, you’d almost think they were fighting.

Dialing Seokjin’s number, you leaned back on the bench and listened to his ringback tone. Kim Seokjin was one of the only people you knew – well, him and your aunt – who still had that feature, and Seokjin hadn’t bothered to update his since 2011. It was still Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

HEY, I JUST MET YOU! AND THIS IS CRAZ –

“Hello?”

“Seokjin,” you groaned. “When are you going to change that dumb ringback tone?”

“Whenever Carly Rae goes out of style, so never.”

Gina, having overheard, cracked up beside you.

“Anyways,” you said, switching to your other ear. “Any luck on the search?”

“Sorry, but nope. Seems your boyfriend is more in demand than that one donut shop Gina always wants to go to.”

“That, or it’s the fact that Michael B. Jordan’s on the cover.”

“Yeah, probably that.”

“Alright,” you sighed, picking a thread on your jeans. “Thanks for trying, Seokjin.”

“Anytime,” he said and hung up.

As you shoved your phone in your purse, Gina looked at you warily. “No luck?”

“Nope.”

“Hm.” Gina leaned back on the bench. “Maybe we should switch gears here, get creative. We could cut out semi-nude photos of Jungkook and stick them to the pages of last year’s edition!”

“Where would I get last year’s issue, though?”

“Good point.” Gina thought. “You could just stick semi-nude photos of Jungkook to your front door?”

“Gina,” you laughed, shoving her shoulder. “Stop stripping my boyfriend!”

“There it is!” Gina beamed. “I knew I could get you to laugh.”

Shaking your head, your smile faded a little. Gina was right though, this was silly. It would’ve been fun for Jungkook to come home from his away game to this, but it was hardly the end of the world. You would just order a copy online and wait.

Heaving a great sigh, you stood from the bench. “Okay,” you said, turning to Gina. “Let’s head out.”

Gina convinced you to go to the donut shop at least, so you didn’t arrive home empty-handed. That was the reason she gave you at least, although you knew it had more to do with her recently launched donut Instagram.

The box was precariously perched on your hip as you shoved open the door, placing the keys on the hook to kick the door shut. As you turned to walk inside, you started – nearly dropping the entire box of donuts on the floor.

“Jungkook?” you gasped.

Chucking the box on the counter, you dashed across the room.

Jungkook laughed when you reached him, immediately jumping to wrap your legs around his waist. He caught you easily, warm hands on your waist as you buried your face in his chest. Somewhat awkwardly, he walked you towards the kitchen.

“You’re back!” you blurted, pulling back to see him.

Jungkook grinned, rosy-cheeked from your touch. “I’m back,” he agreed, depositing you on the kitchen counter. “Miss me?”

“How?” you demanded, poking his chest. “How’d you get home so fast?”

“I feel so welcome,” Jungkook teased. At the look on your face, he grinned. “Coach cancelled tomorrow’s practice, so I caught a flight back today.”

“Yay,” you said happily, leaning to rest your head on his chest.

The steady thrum of his heartbeat reassured you and for a moment, you allowed yourself to enjoy this. Jungkook smelled as he always did, like light floral and cotton, and the weight of his hands on your thighs made your heart calm.

His thumbs played with the thread on your jeans, which sent your mind to other places – places involving your bed, his ass and zero clothes – but for now, you were content with this.

“What’s in the box?” he murmured into your hair.

“Oh, right,” you said and pulled back. Twisting around, you dragged the donut box towards you and popped the top. “Some might be a bit squished since I threw them. Gina and I went to the new donut place on Lakeview.”

Jungkook’s eyes went super-wide. He immediately bent to grab the closest donut, powdered sugar getting everywhere when he bit into the side.

“Yum.” Jungkook’s eyes rolled exaggeratedly back in his head. “Wow, this is the best welcome home I’ve ever gotten. There’s you, of course, but also – donuts.”

“Obviously,” you said. “There was actually supposed to be another surprise, but I kind of messed it up.”

Jungkook licked powdered sugar off his wrist. “Messed something up? You? Don’t buy it.”

“Suck up,” you teased. “But no, really. I wanted to get your People’s Sexiest Men edition! I was going to plaster it across the front door and embarrass you.”

Jungkook grimaced. “As fun as that sounds, the donuts are better.”

“What? You aren’t proud of how sexy you are?”

“I don’t care about that.” Jungkook swallowed the last of the donut. “As long as you find me sexy.”

Tipping your head back, you groaned. “Okay, now you’re seriously sucking up.”

“Mm.” Placing his hands on either side of your thighs, Jungkook’s nose grazed your jawline. “Anything else you want me to suck?”

“Jungkook!”

Drawing back, his gaze glinted darkly. “Besides, why do you need that photo of me with my shirt off?”

You frowned, perturbed and he reached one hand overhead. Still looking at you, Jungkook did that stupid-hot thing guys do where they remove their shirt with one hand. When his six pack abs were revealed, they left you a bit speechless.

Flexing a little, Jungkook grinned. “You have the real thing.”

“Shut up,” you groaned, shoving his pec. Oh – hard. Sliding down from the counter, you began walking towards the bedroom. “But since you offered…”

Jungkook waggled his brows. “I did.”

“Get in there, sexiest man alive,” you laughed. “Show me what you got.”

“Alright.” Jungkook caught himself on the doorframe with both hands. “But before we go any further, I feel compelled to clarify I’m not People’s sexiest man, just one of them. Michael B. Jordan is the sexiest man alive.”

“Jungkook!” You pointed through the door. “Bed!”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said with a salute.

You stared after him, grinning stupidly before following.

 kpopfanfictrash, 2020. Do not copy or repost without permission.

[tasteofyizhan]

Hi, I’ve been wondering this for a while... given how popular both GG and DD are, I would be really amazed if there were no pictures of them together taken by paparazzi or fans. But there seems to be none. I hate to say this but realistically there must be greedy people out there who would jump at profiting from selling their pictures to the media. And it seems that the rumors are that they interact with each other outside of their living space. Anyway, I was wondering what your thoughts were. Thanks!

Hi! I want to start this off by saying that this is fake, this is fanfiction, and is purely my personal opinion on the topic, so please don’t take this as fact. Other people may have a different take, and that’s perfectly fine - the only 2 people who really know what’s what are GGDD. The rest of us are mere spectators, trying to guess at the truth. 

Now, with that said, I’m going to break this post into photos taken of them during the Untamed, and photos taken of them post-Untamed. Why? Because I think the amount of photos and BTS of taken during the filming of the Untamed have shaped people’s expectations on the amount of material that they expect to find on GGDD post-Untamed, and I want to talk a bit about why we should be happy that there isn’t more material on them post-Untamed.

So I think there’s some fandom consensus that whatever started between them really solidified/became serious when they began filming the Untamed. I say this because of some of the things that came out from the BTS - for example, the birthday BTS, and DD’s post the next day gives me a very strong impression that for him, at least, was when he had made up his mind about GG. So I’m going to hazard a guess and say that that was when they really decided how they wanted to take things forward. 

Now, if we go by that timeline, there are plenty of pictures and videos of them, and all of those can be excused by the fact that they’re co-workers who have to work in close proximity with each other - literally, the very nature of their respective characters means that they share plenty of scenes. To me, this is the perfect cover for a budding relationship, where you can constantly be around and touch someone you’re interested in and pass it off as “guys being guys and hanging out and roughhousing”. So what I’m trying to get at is that there are tons of pictures of GGDD together during this time - just that it makes it harder for people to sort out whether it’s pictures of co-workers hanging out, or whether it’s something more. (I mean it’s easy for us, but that’s because we’re all clowns!)

However, there’s one set of photos that stick out to me, and that’s the Dragon Boat festival. You can read more about that here. I’m going to guess and say that that was probably the first time that GGDD was aware of the spotlight on them - the spotlight being the world outside the bubble of the Untamed set. Sure, there were cameras pointed at them all the time while they were on set, but that’s on set, where there’s an expectation that they would be filmed. This was the paps trying to catch DD on a date with his “girlfriend”, and finding GG there instead. Then after that, the Untamed blew up, and suddenly the whole world was looking at them. I don’t think anyone in the cast or crew expected to find this much level of success - yes, there was already a set fanbase from the books, but this not only turned out to be a massive hit in China, it also swept through Southeast Asia and even caught the attention of people halfway around the globe in America and Europe. Now, if the Dragon Boat photos had put them on alert, the resulting craze for the Untamed would only make them more wary. 

The Untamed aired from June to August 2019. According to this incredible post, GGDD’s last joint interview was the Thailand fan meet in September 2019. That’s also the last time we have “good” BTS videos and photos of them - because any interactions between them could easily be explained away as them promoting the show. After that, with exception of when they meet at award shows or for official events, it seems like the amount of BTS photos and videos of them together abruptly drop off, so it’s natural that some fans wonder why it is, when they’re supposedly so close. 

My guess is that post-Untamed, they’ve become much more aware of the number of eyes watching them. They know the lengths that some fans will go to, and they’re very careful to take precautions and surround themselves with people they know they can trust. And the lengths that they go to protect their privacy can be extreme - I’m linking to this old article to highlight that as far back as 2019, GG was already engaging in defensive tactics to try and avoid crazy fans. Last year, there was a period where they began adopting each other’s style to the point that on a casual glance, people mistook GG as DD and vice versa. There was some speculation that they did this on purpose so in the event that someone actually saw them, they would have assumed that it was actually the other person. (ie. if someone saw GG exiting DD’s hotel but dressed like how DD would have dressed, they would have assumed it was DD). 

In addition, there were clips that showed how uncomfortable both of them were when they realised the full extent of how much BTS there was, and how much BTS had been released. If anything, that would probably only reinforce their need for discretion. Keep in mind that while China has decriminalised homosexuality, however, LGBT folk are still discriminated against. Any photos or videos of them that can’t be explained away would have a serious impact on their careers, so I’m not surprised that they’re now very careful about what they do and how they behave around each other publicly, which might be a stark contrast on how they used to behave around each other when filming the Untamed. You can see how stiff and formal they are around each other at official awards and events, and this is the reason why. 

Also, keep in mind that they’re also both busy professionals with very hectic schedules, and who probably don’t have a lot of opportunities to physically meet, and the lack of photos or videos of them together post-Untamed would make a lot of sense.

It’s also good that they’re not always collaborating professionally (even though a collaboration would mean that they would get to legitimately spend time with each other). Both of them are trying to move beyond the label of 小鲜肉 (literally, little fresh meat), which can have negative connotations - ie. they’re just a pretty face with no talent. Their success outside of the Untamed and outside of each other proves that they’re not just one-trick ponies who only are only famous or successful because of fan service, and that’s good.

However! 2020 was kind of an incredible year for how much DD slipped up during TTXS (and on other shows). There were so many instances where he said something that left his brothers scrambling to cover for him. Others have done a far more detailed and better job in covering some of these instances here and here. You have infer a bit more, and you don’t get everything laid out for you in a photo or a BTS video, but their interactions are still there - just in a different form.

[somethingimworkingon]

Zanele Muholi, Tate Modern

Walking into the Zanele Muholi exhibition at Tate Modern is like discovering another country.

In 2017 Muholi’s ongoing self-portrait series, Somnyama Ngonyama/Hail the Dark Lioness, was exhibited in London’s Autograph Gallery. In press reviews and posters on the tube that autumn, the images were unmissable and unmistakeable: stark black and white photographs of an impassive face crowned with Brillo pads or clothes pegs, festooned with vacuum cleaner hoses. At the time, Autograph wrote, the artist: “uses her body as a canvas to confront the politics of race and representation… Gazing defiantly at the camera, Muholi challenges the viewer’s perceptions while firmly asserting her cultural identity on her own terms: black, female, queer, African.”

Fast forward to 2020, and Tate Modern’s major Zanele Muholi exhibition. Visiting hours at the museum flicker in and out of existence as we navigate COVID lockdowns – now you can come! No, wait, sorry, you can’t. Try rebooking for a month’s time.

When I finally squeaked in, in early December, I expected more Dark Lionesses. I had a vague idea that Zanele Muholi was a bit like a South African Cindy Sherman.

I was wrong.

This exhibition shows the breadth of Muholi’s practice, of which the self-portraits are just one strand. The range and energy of the work is astounding. Especially given that in 2012 their studio was burgled and five years of work on hard drives was stolen.

Another mental adjustment: Muholi’s pronouns are they/them/theirs.

Born in Umlazi, South Africa, in 1972, at the height of Apartheid, Zanele’s father died when they were a baby and their mother, Bester, a domestic worker, had to leave her eight children for employment in a white household. Zanele was brought up by extended family. They started working as a hairdresser, then studied photography at Market Photo Workshop in Johannesburg, graduating in 2003, and going on to be awarded their MFA in Documentary Media from Ryerson University in Toronto in 2009.

On returning to South Africa they started to document the lives of the LGBTQI+ community.

Aftermath (2004)

The exhibition opens with a group of deceptively gentle images. In the first, Aftermath (2004), a torso is cropped from waist to knees, hands modestly clasped in front of Jockey shorts, a huge scar running down the person’s right leg almost like a piece of body art. In another, Ordeal (2003), hands wring out a cloth in an enamel basin of water placed on a floor. A third image shows a cropped, seated figure, again waist to thighs, hands folded in their lap, plastic hospital ties around their wrists. These pictures have a softness and beauty which completely belies the fact that their subjects are all survivors of sexual violence and “corrective rape”.

As the caption to the last picture, Hate crime survivor I, Case number (2004) explains, “Corrective rape is a term used to describe a hate crime in which a person is raped because of their perceived sexual orientation or gender identity. The intended consequence of such acts is to enforce heterosexuality and gender conformity.” This horrific practice is by no means unique to South Africa, but the term seems to have originated there – feminist activist Bernedette Muthien used it during an interview with Human Rights Watch in 2001 – and its effects on the community resonate throughout this exhibition.

Ordeal (2003)

They don’t, however, dominate. While the exhibition starts by showing the evils of intolerance of gender nonconformity, Muholi goes on to reclaim, elevate and celebrate that same nonconformity.

With Being (2006 – ongoing) we move on to photographs of naked bodies entwined – again tightly cropped, again soft black and white, but now without outside interference. They are sensual, personal, and owned. A series of portraits of two female lovers, Katlego Mashiloane and Nosipho Lavuta (2007) switches to colour and full figures. The couple sit entwined, laughing: they kiss, and bathe side by side standing in an enamel basin, in a warm, defiant echo of the scene in Ordeal (2003) across the room.

Katlego Mashiloane and Nosipho Lavuta, Ext.2, Lakeside, Johannesburg (2007)

The series Brave Beauties, started in 2014, is “a series of portraits of trans women, gender non-conforming and non-binary people. Many of them are also beauty pageant contestants.” The queer beauty pageant is many things: a celebration – and redefinition – of beauty, a declaration of independence by contestants, a challenge to “heteronormative and white supremacist cultures,” and an attempt, as Muholi puts it, “to change mind-sets in the communities [the contestants] live in, the same communities where they are most likely to be harassed or worse.”

Melissa Mbambo, Durban, South Beach (2017). Melissa Mbambo is a trans woman and beauty queen, Miss Gay South Africa 2017

Roxy Msizi Dlamini, Parktown, Johannesburg (2018)

Akeelah Gwala, Durban (2020)

These portraits are made collaboratively, Muholi and the subjects choosing clothing, location and poses together. Some of them, like the picture of Roxy Msizi Dlamini (2018) have the quality of a classic glamorous studio shot. Others, like Akeeleh Gwala, Durban (2020), posing in a bikini against a scruffy brick wall in what seems to be a deserted brick alleyway, are a reminder of the vulnerability of the subject. Akeelah Gwala’s “Testimony” in the exhibition catalogue says: “I am 24 years old. I am a transgender woman. Growing up was very difficult because your parents think this is a boy… I was raped when I was 16 years old…” The rapist, a well-known pastor, threatened Akeelah’s family, forcing them out of their home. Akeelah refers to Muholi as “Sir Muholi” and says, “I have taken part in several beauty pageants. I perform because as a Brave Beauty, it is important to be visible and make others know about us and respect us as human beings.”

Miss Lesbian I-VII, Amsterdam (2009)

The theme of beauty pageants also features in the series of self-portraits Miss Lesbian I-VII, Amsterdam (2009), where Muholi casts themself as a beauty queen, an early identification with the wider community prefiguring Brave Beauties. The 2009 series brings together several of Muholi’s themes: the beauty pageant and the fashion/fashion magazine world; who gets to perform and who gets to watch; who gets to choose what beauty means? And, as an aside that may sound trivial but isn’t, kitchen utensils as headgear.

As the exhibition unfolds, we discover other projects. Muholi describes themselves as a visual activist, and they have a large network of collaborators, including the collective Inkanyiso (“Light” or “Illuminate” in isiZulu), a non-profit organisation focused on queer visual activism. We see images documenting marches and protests, weddings and funerals, and “After Tears” – gatherings held after burials to celebrate the life of the lost loved one.

Nathi Dlamini at the After Tears of Muntu Masombuka’s funeral, KwaThema, Springs, Johannesburg (2014)

Death is a constant presence in Muholi’s community and work. The largest space in this exhibition is given to Faces and Phases (2006 – ongoing), a collection of portraits – 500, and counting. The images “celebrate, commemorate and archive the lives of Black lesbians, transgender and gender non-conforming individuals.” People appear more than once. Some spots on the walls are empty, marking a portrait yet to be taken or a participant no longer there. One wall is dedicated to those who have passed away.

Not only is this a powerful and moving project, it’s an extraordinarily beautiful set of pictures. As are the last works in the show, the series that started in 2012: Somnyama Ngonyama, Hail the Dark Lioness.

In this work, Muholi has darkened their skin and whitened their eyes, and composed the picture in the manner of a classical, perfectly-lit studio portrait, posing with found objects as “costume” – a footstool as a helmet, say. There is so much to unpick in these images – references to colonialism, Apartheid, to the politics of race and representation, to femininity and “women’s work���.  Muholi presents us with a kaleidoscope of views of injustice, equal parts beautiful and brutal. The photographs were created in different parts of the world, at different times, combining what could almost be witty accessorising with intense cultural and political commentary.

Quinso, The Sails, Durban (2019)

The intellectual focus of every picture is slightly different. Zamile, KwaThema (2016) shows Muholi draped in a striped blanket, as used in South African prisons during Apartheid. In Quinso, The Sails, Durban (2019) Muholi’s hair is adorned with silvery Afro combs, a symbol of African and African diaspora cultural pride. In Nolwazi II, Nuoro, Italy (2015) their hair is stuffed with pens – a reference to the “pencil test” whereby, under Apartheid, if a pencil pushed into a person’s hair fell out they were “classified as white”.

Nolwazi II, Nuoro, Italy (2015)

As mentioned above, Muholi calls themselves a visual activist rather than an artist – though galleries, like Tate Modern, might beg to disagree. Walking through this exhibition, I came away with the impression that their work is on the intersection of art and documentary photography – but also that everything is documentary: everything is story telling, and bearing witness, and the place where “documenting the community” and “expressing oneself as an artist” is continually blurred.

Maybe it’s not just like discovering a new country: maybe Zanele Muholi is showing us a whole new world.

Zanele Muholi is at Tate Modern until May 31, 2021

[n0wornever]

Bad Liar - Reggie x Reader

enemies to lovers with reggie, pretty please?🥺

You got it babe ;) This was so tough to write due to the fact that Reggie is a normally a teddy bear, but I did my best!

“Seriously Y/N, you’ve been playing guitar for how long and you’re still making that mistake,” She looked up to see his smart smirk and rolled her eyes, focusing back on her hands on the strings. 

He laughed a little to himself before walking away. She sighed, dropping her fingers from their placements and muttering “tool” under her breath. 

It was never a contest, but they made it one. Even though Reggie and Y/N’s mothers were best friends and the two were forced into playdates since the age of two, the connection never really stuck. What made it worse was when they both started playing music. 

Their bands started playing similar shows and always competed against each other in their school’s battle of the bands. They were both extremely competitive, trying to throw the other one off until after their performances. Y/N grabbed her guitar and walked inside, meeting her mom in the kitchen.

“I saw you talking to Reg outside, how is he doing?”

She scoffed “How would I know mom? We aren’t exactly...close.”

Her mom shook her head “You two used to be so cute when you were little, practically attached at the hip.”

She rolled her eyes as her mother went on her usual nostalgic tirade. She placed her elbows on the table and leaned her cheeks against her hands as she watched her mom talk. 

She daydreamed about her band’s next performance. The battle of the bands was two weeks away and Jocelyn, Flynn and herself were barely ready. It was hard enough when Julie broke it to them that she was leaving the band to join Reggie’s but when she walked past the phantoms rehearsing the other night, she knew that they were next level. She had to step up her game too as their new lead singer. 

She pulled out her phone and texted the band group-chat.

“Rehearsal tomorrow?”

Flynn replied in seconds “Duh, of course” 

Joce answered with a simple thumbs up emoji, ever a poet with her responses. She shut off her phone and found her mom still talking. She rose out of her chair, interrupting her next sentence. 

“Mom, I’m exhausted, I’m going to go upstairs.”

She jogged up the stairs and sat down on her bed, pulling her guitar onto her lap. She played around with chords for awhile before propping her phone on a mini tripod and pressing record. She played a short cover of She is Love by Parachute, smiling through the lyrics. She reached over and pressed stop, dragging it over into the Instagram app and pressing post. 

She placed her phone down and laid back in her bed, staring at the ceiling. A few moments later she heard her phone ping and picked up her device. She looked at the screen in confusion as one notification stood out of the few she received. 

“UrLeadGuitaristReg liked your video” 

She shook her head, clicking on his profile picture. She scrolled down his timeline, looking at all of the photos of him and the band. A video popped up of Reggie and Luke making instruments out of household items and giggling like schoolgirls at each other and a smirk slowly fell across her face. She quickly shut off the screen and threw her phone down on the bed. 

2 weeks later

It was performance night and she was actually shaking with anticipation. The past few rehearsals had actually went extremely well for her and the girls and she actually thought they may stand a chance against Julie and The Phantoms this time around. She took a spot in the front row to support Jules, clutching Flynn’s hand in hers. 

She watched as her friend flew across the stage and her grin grew. Although she missed her in their group, it was clear that she was in her element....and she smiled watching her pass off the mic with Luke during their shared duet at the end of the song. She took a mental note to follow-up with her on that moment later. 

As the band took their bows and leapt off stage, the girls scurried back to get ready for their set. As she slung her guitar over her shoulder she heard a voice perk up behind her. 

“No acoustic tonight?”

She looked up to see Reggie’s smug expression fixed on her. She rolled her eyes, placing her pick before responding. 

“Nah, not really my stage style.” 

He chuckled “Too bad, I kinda liked it.” 

Her forehead scrunched in confusion as she saw him turn and leave the stage. She shook it off before turning back to her bandmates. Flynn gave her a curious smile but she just moved to talk business. 

“Girls, we got this.” She smiled, placing her hand in the middle, the other two bandmates followed suit. They counted down from three, shouting “Neon Dream” as their hands rose. 

They stepped out on stage and she noticed a familiar face in the center of the crowd. Reggie stood with his arms crossed, whispering something to Luke before bringing his gaze back to her. Their eyes locked for a second but she brought her gaze up to the ceiling, focusing on Jocelyn’s beats before her entrance. 

Their songs went off without a hitch. Y/N couldn’t help but smile as she felt the bass in her chest and her hands flew. After their final verse, the girls moved the top of the stage hand in hand to take their bows. She heard a single “woo!” from the crowd, looking over to be met by those same dark eyes. She smirked, rolling her eyes in his direction before turning to exit the stage.

“Reggie is...interested in you tonight,” Flynn said, taking a swig out of her water. 

“He was just trying to distract me...prick.” 

Jocelyn shook her head at her bandmate, twirling the stick in her hand, “I don’t think so Y/N, his eyes were locked on you during our entire performance. I think I even caught him nodding along to the beat. 

Y/N laughed, turning to set down her guitar, “Whatever ladies, I wouldn’t worry about it-” 

She turned to see both of her bandmates missing, and instead Reggie standing in front of her. She pursed her lips before approaching him. 

“Here to tell me everything I did wrong in that performance I assume?”

Reggie shook his head, letting out a short laugh “Nah, I wanted to congratulate you. You really put your foot into those guitar solos tonight.”

She stared blankly at him, blinking. “Earth to Reggie, did you forget that you hate me?” 

He rolled his eyes at her, moving closer in her direction. She felt her heart race a bit, pushing that feeling down quickly. 

“I don’t hate you Y/N, you’re obnoxiously competitive...but I don’t hate you.”

She thought back to all of the guitar riff offs the two had, the amount of insults they spewed at each other and remained dumbfounded at his response. 

She scoffed at this suggestion before replying “I’m competitive?! Have you met YOU!?” 

His eyebrows rose, an amused smile falling across his lips as his gaze fell from her balled fists up to her scrunched nose. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he moved to walk past her, leaning in to whisper in her ear last minute.

“You’re kind of cute when you’re fired up.” 

She felt her face warm from the combination of his warm breath near her ear and his compliment. She watched as he fell out of view and scurried over to find her bandmates to await the awards portion of the evening. 

All the bands moved toward the front of the auditorium and the room was filled with hushed conversation. She finally found Flynn and Jocelyn and they both gave her a smirk. 

“What was that all about?” Flynn floated her finger between her and Reggie, who stood a few feet away talking with Alex. 

“Nothing, he was just...trying to get me off my A game.” 

Flynn’s jaw locked, looking at her friend in amazement “Uh huh... Right.” 

Their conversation was stopped by the feedback of the mic. The school principal took the stage, a small envelope in her hand. She smiled, thanking everyone for coming out before announcing the winners. 

“And the moment you’ve all been waiting for....the winner of the 2020 battle of the bands is.......” She paused, opening her letter and smiling “Neon Dream” 

Y/N froze for a second before Flynn’s hand slapping her back brought her back to reality. They went up on stage and grabbed their trophy and gave their thank you speech. As they turned to leave the stage, her eyes met Reggie once more. A seemingly real smile plastered across his face as he clapped in her direction. She let the corner of her mouth raise upward before walking backstage.

The girls squealed as they waited at the entrance of the school for their parents to pick them up, taking turns holding the trophy. She saw Flynn’s face change, turning her lips up in a smirk as she looked behind her. 

“Joce, I think I left something inside, can you go in and grab it with me.”

“What do you mean I-” 

Flynn grabbed her friend by the arm and pulled her backward. Y/N felt someone sit down beside her and turned to see Reggie extremely close to her and felt that familiar blush take control over her face.

“Congratulations, Y/N.” 

“Thanks.”

A silence fell over them. She looked out of the corner of her eye to see him staring at her, both of their gazes darting within seconds of meeting. She heard him take a deep breath in before speaking.

“Can we call a truce or something?”

She looked over at him sharply, leaning her head slightly to the right “What?”

He smiled again, rubbing his neck with his arm. “I’m kind of tired of pretending to hate you.”

She laughed, bringing her knees up to her chest “So, you don’t actually hate me?”

He shook his head “Actually, it’s quite the opposite.” She tried to stop her mind from immediately trying to decode that phrase. She let her eyes move toward his again and held out her hand.

“I agree, a truce.” 

He looked at her hand, smirking before shaking it. Their hands stayed locked for a second more before she wiggled her hand out of his grip. 

“So...since we’re cool now, I was wondering if you’d like to maybe jam out some time?” 

She smiled “A band collab? That’d be pretty sweet-” 

He cut her off, putting his hand on her shoulder. “I was actually thinking maybe just a guitar collab, between you and me?” She watched as his face went pink and she looked down to the ground to stop him from seeing her growing smile.

“Oh. That’d be cool too, I guess.”

He exhaled, pushing his hands against the ground to stand back up on the pavement. She looked up at him, his smile lit against the peach sky. 

“Cool...It’s a date.” 

As he walked away, she leaned her chin on her knees and let herself smile fully, shaking her head. 

.

.

.

.

Tag list: @marinettepotterandplagg​, @lukeys-giggle​, @joshy-obx, @epikskool, @daisiesforlacey, @bestdressedandstressed, @txrii, @musicconversedance, @dasexydevitt13, @bathtimejish, @xplrreylo, @lovesanimals, @kiss-themoongoodbye

[cheri-translates]

[CN] Kiro’s Entwining Date (Eng Translation)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an incredibly s p i c y date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Valentine’s 2020 Collection: Gavin // Lucien // Victor

The date begins with MC watching a live broadcast of an annual award ceremony, which announces that Kiro has won the grand award.

MC grabs the congratulatory card and present she prepared, heading out to decorate Kiro’s house for a mini celebration party.

Along the way, she receives news that for some unknown reason, Kiro was absent from a product launch that he was supposed to be a spokesperson for.

She enters Kiro’s house using the keys Savin gave her and starts decorating. 

After a while, Kiro enters the house looking melancholic, with Savin nagging behind him. Savin tells her to keep an eye on Kiro to ensure he gets proper rest and not exert himself.

After Savin rushes off to deal with the press, Kiro explains that he is unable to move his neck and back.

Kiro: I just finished dance practice and heard Savin calling me at the door. I turned my neck using too much force and couldn’t move my neck afterwards. The doctor said it’s a sprain.

Saying this, he despondently grabs a pillow and hugs it to his chest in a state of utter devastation.

Kiro: [pouting] I wasn’t even doing any big movements.

Even so, Kiro is happy that he gets a day of rest.

He suggests that they slip out to visit an interesting shop nearby. While Kiro’s puppy eyes cause MC to hesitate, she refuses so Kiro can rest. Despite his unwillingness, Kiro rests on the bed. She sits on a chair next to the bed so she can watch over him.

He grabs my fingers and plays with them restlessly. It feels ticklish. I try to draw my hand back but he refuses to let go.

Kiro: I can’t sleep. When you spend time with me, I can’t bear to close my eyes.

Kiro’s words soften my heart. Due to our busy schedules, it has been a long while since we last spent time alone together.

MC: When we’re less busy, let’s go to the interesting shop you mentioned, okay?

Kiro: Yes, let’s!

The corners of Kiro’s lips lift. As though discovering a new form of amusement, he patiently plays with my fingers one by one. 

His fingers are soft and smooth. I experience a strange palpitation whenever our fingers meet. I avert my gaze, the outer rim of my ears turning red.

Kiro: Miss Chips has very soft fingers.

MC: [blushing] They’re all right…

I’m unable to control the acceleration of my heart rate. In order to loosen my hand from his, I grab the phone off the bedside table and hand it to him.

MC: Since you don’t want to sleep, I’ll let you use your phone.

Looking as though he can’t bear to let go of my hand, he takes the phone and sees that the screen is filled with tons of notifications.

Kiro guesses that his fans are worried about the sudden cancellation of the product launch and decides to post something on his Weibo account to dispel their concerns. He tries but fails to take a selfie in his injured state, so MC helps.

On the screen, there is an incredibly adorable combination of Kiro lying on the soft bed, his messy golden hair, and the teddy bear next the pillow.

Kiro: Why is my hair so messy?

His eyes widen, dismay written all over his features. I reach out and tidy his messy hair, suppressing the urge to mess it up even more.

Kiro obediently leaves his hair to me, a smile appearing on his lips.

MC: It’s going to be perfect this time.

I look him over, satisfied, and snap three consecutive photos of Kiro before showing them to him.

MC: Don’t you look very handsome now?

Kiro has a look of satisfaction as he starts typing, reading his words aloud.

Kiro: “Even though I can’t move, it’s because of this incident that I can have an afternoon of leisure”…done!

Comments start flooding in after mere seconds:

“Does such beauty truly exist?”

“Oh my god, I can lick this face for a lifetime.” 

“I’m there, I’m that bear!”

While he’s overjoyed at the compliments, he reads on:

Kiro: “Just look, it’s obvious he has put on weight again”…I definitely did not gain weight, it’s just the angle!

In a huff, Kiro readies himself to respond to this comment with a retort. I hurriedly take the phone away from him.

MC: You should rest and not respond to these comments! Let me read them to you instead.

Kiro: Since you put it that way…

With a “hmph”, he gives up on the idea. I clear my throat and begin reading the comments.

MC: “Congratulations to Kiro for winning the award! Please rest well today! To commemorate Kiro’s face, I danced a Waltz of love!” Haha, what an expression. “My heart is in critical condition! Hugging… my husband… feels like a 100 meter sprint.”

I pause when reading the words “my husband”, feeling my face heat up. Kiro smiles as he looks at me, his eyes brimming with contentment.

MC: The next one says, “Who took the photo? Why does Kiro…”

…have such a sweet look in his eyes?

I look at the photo I had taken - Kiro stares into the camera with a sweet look in his eyes, like a little bear hugging a honey pot.

Kiro: MC? Why have you stopped?

Kiro curiously sneaks a peek at the screen, but I react immediately and lift the phone so he can no longer see it.

Kiro: Very suspicious… why aren’t you letting me see?

Kiro gets even more excited, stretching out his hand for the phone.

Kiro: Ouch!

He groans and falls back onto the bed. I get a fright, no longer caring about the phone. I immediately check on his condition.

Half of his face is buried under the covers, the corner of his eyes brimming with tears. I carefully touch his arm.

MC: Are you okay?

Kiro: [groans]

MC: Is it very serious?

I start panicking. Seeing that my guard is down, Kiro uses this opportunity to pull me onto the bed with him.

Kiro: [laughing] Did I scare you?

He laughs while reappearing from under the covers. It is only now that I realise he was joking, and I let out a sigh of relief.

At this point, MC remembers that she prepared a present for Kiro. She retrieves and gives it to him. He opens it excitedly.

The box is filled with small stars folded using fluorescent paper. In the middle of these paper stars is a golden-coloured glass bottle with moving sand.

Kiro: This is so pretty…

He carefully shakes the bottle, and the gold-coloured sand slowly drifts, reflecting sunlight.

Seeing him engrossed with it, I drop him a hint.

MC: The bottle itself isn’t the main thing. There’s something in it.

Kiro: Is it a drink? Or perfume?

Kiro twists the bottle open, and a faint pine tree scent wafts into the room.

Kiro: This is… a scented bottle?

MC: Nope. This is a special essential oil I had an expert masseur make during a shoot. I heard that it’s effective for relaxing one’s muscles. I didn’t expect that it’d be of use now!

Kiro: Essential oil…

Kiro recalls that the shoot involving essential oil took place when the list of shortlisted candidates for the award was just announced. He is surprised that MC had prepared the gift so far in advance.

MC: …That’s because I knew you would definitely win! And even if you didn’t win, it could be used to comfort you.

There is a smile in Kiro’s eyes, and he takes my hand in his, such that my palm faces upwards.

MC: W-what are you doing?

Kiro: I want to try this gift.

A drop of oil lands on my palm and he rubs it slowly, spreading it across my palm evenly. The pine scent permeates the room, and the fragrance of fresh flowers soon follows. The liquid is quickly absorbed into my skin, and my palm seems to heat up.

Kiro holds my fingers gently, then brings himself closer to them. He sniffs my fingers lightly, his lips curling into a smile.

Kiro: It’s a nice smell. It’s a scent I like.

MC: !!

I am taken aback by Kiro’s sudden breath on my palm, and my heart beats at an unnatural rhythm.

Kiro doesn’t let go of my hand. He picks up the black ribbon resting on the gift box, taking his time to wrap them around my wrists.

His gaze shifts to me, his vibrant eyes making me forget how to react, and I let him continue.

Kiro: And like that, it’s done!

After saying this, he holds my wrist and pulls me closer, planting the side of his face on my palm before gently leaning into it.

As his soft golden hair brushes against my fingertips, my fingers involuntarily tremble. My palm is coated with his body temperature.

He tilts his head slightly, pressing his lips onto my palm, as if branding me with a permanent kiss.

Kiro: Actually, you are the best prize and gift to me.

Sunlight streams in from between the curtains and onto his eyes, giving me a clear view of the gentleness and adoration in them. My heart feels like it has melted into a puddle. At the same time, his transparent emotions cause my heart to heat up.

MC: I… how about I give you a massage…

I feel like biting my tongue after the words leave my lips. What am I saying!

Kiro: Sure!

Before I can change my mind, Kiro has already agreed without hesitation.

Kiro: Do I need to take my clothes off for the massage?

Saying this, he shrugs off his jacket, and both hands start pulling the ends of his t-shirt to reveal his sculpted abdomen.

MC: Wait!

Heat floods into my brain and I immediately grab the bottom of his shirt to pull it back down.

Kiro: I don’t need to take them off?

Kiro blinks, looking at me innocently.

MC: I’m just giving it a try. If you remove your shirt, it’d be easy to catch a cold.

With an “ohh”, he lets go of his shirt, his face betraying a hint of disappointment.

MC: …Go lie down on your stomach.

While Kiro obediently turns to lie down, I place my hands on my chest to calm my rapidly beating heart.

MC begins the massage, applying what she learnt from the massage expert

She does it gently and Kiro is on the verge of falling asleep

She calls Kiro’s name to check if he’s asleep, and he snaps out of his daze

Feeling bad for disturbing him, MC continues:

MC: …You can sleep if you want to.

I speak gently. Noticing that a strand of hair near his eyes makes Kiro slightly uncomfortable, I reach out to sweep it away.

Kiro: But I don’t feel like sleeping anymore.

He blinks, his voice slightly nasally and coquettish.

Kiro: I felt too comfortable just now, so I almost fell asleep.

He grabs hold of my hand. In a playful manner, he gently pinches my palm twice.

Kiro: Thank you, Miss Chips.

MC: No need to thank me. It just shows that my technique is not bad, right?

Kiro: Mm, this is a great present.

His eyebrows are curved upwards and he smiles softly.

Kiro: I like the feeling of you touching me.

He interlaces our fingers together, then hooks my thumb with his.

Kiro: I realized that humans, like animals, like to be touched and have their hair combed through.

MC: Is it because it’s very comfortable?

Kiro: It is really very comfortable. If that person is a loved one, her hands and body temperature would have an even more addictive effect.

A warmth emanates from our joined palms, and I can feel myself starting to sweat.

MC starts ruffling Kiro’s hair, and they banter for a while.

Kiro: I feel very happy whenever you’re by my side. Although sometimes, I do think of being a little closer to you.

Even before I pick out the hidden meaning in his words, I instinctively seek to change the subject.

MC: My massage techniques are quite mediocre though. I’ll introduce you to the masseur another time.

Kiro: I don’t want anyone else.

Kiro pouts, turning to face me.

Kiro: I only want my Miss Chips…

His voice trails off, and I am rooted to the spot. I am leaning over him, face-to-face with Kiro. Just a slight lowering of my head would be enough for me to kiss him.

Our breathing becomes ragged, and the initially peaceful atmosphere in the room seems to turn into boiling water.

Although Kiro doesn’t speak, I can feel his quickening breaths on my face. His grip on my hand tightens.

As though being in this position is too dangerous, I come to my senses and straighten up, putting distance between us.

Kiro sits up, his hand still on mine, giving me no chance to escape.

MC: We…

Kiro: I have not finished unwrapping my gift.

His words leave me frozen.

MC: What present?

Anticipating that I would respond this way, he laughs. 

Kiro: My present… is you of course.

His voice carries an evident smile. I look into his blue eyes, which hide within them the expansiveness of the sky.

A black ribbon appears in his hands, and he wraps them around his fingers, the colour of the ribbon striking a sharp contrast against his pale skin.

MC: …Why do you say that I’m the present?

He doesn’t respond. His abrupt silence leaves me not knowing what to do. Before I repeat my question, he suddenly hooks the ribbon over the back of my neck, and my heart skips a beat.

MC: W-what are you doing?

Kiro: Make a guess?

He arches an eyebrow. His usual playful expression is replaced with a sudden sexiness.

He resumes his work with the ribbon while I remain kneeling on the bed. He slowly pulls me closer to him. Although he isn’t exerting much strength, I can’t help but give in to the tug of the ribbon.

Our breaths mingle and we can no longer tell them apart.

Kiro: Since this is a present for me, I will open it very, very slowly.

He says this languidly, curling his words with the tip of his tongue, ending his sentence in a low voice.

At this moment, the ribbon has become a string encircling my heart, letting it beat only for him.

Kiro is unwilling to stop here. He takes one end of the ribbon into his mouth and bites it firmly, the corners of his mouth lifting with a certain look.

The light descends onto the bridge of his nose, the clear lines of his jaw, spreading to his Adam’s apple. He oozes hormones of a different kind than usual.

His free hand rubs my thigh gently, and the sound of my skirt ruffling is especially clear.

Such unobstructed physical contact feels like fire, setting every inch of my skin ablaze. My body involuntarily trembles.

My breathing becomes increasingly ragged as he continues his upward motions. My heart beats rapidly, and my mind is completely blank, only remembering to shout his name.

MC: Kiro…

Kiro: It is time to receive my present.

The corner of his mouth is raised as he slowly releases the black ribbon on my neck. The ribbon slides down my body. I look into his wide eyes and let down my defenses. In a moment, the distance between us is barely visible.

Kiro: Miss Chips, you are a gift sent from heaven, a gift that I have awaited for my whole life, a gift that is most precious to me.

His gentle voice disappears into the space where our lips meet, melting into a quiet whisper.

Unlike his gentle tone, his kiss resembles a storm, forcefully entering and occupying all available space, leaving not a single crevice untouched.

The temperature rises sharply between our intertwining lips and tongue. Our exchange of breaths strips away all my senses and thoughts.

The almost inaudible sound of water echoes in the quiet room. The arm encircling my waist pulls me even closer against his body.

All the blood in my body is set ablaze, engulfing the little rationality I have left.

Suddenly, there is the sound of a door opening in the living room, followed by a conversation between Savin and the assistant.

Savin: Kiro should be resting. You can head to the kitchen to wash the ingredients for our hotpot later.

Assistant: Sure, but isn’t this a little too much…

I snap out of my daze after a few seconds and realise the situation Kiro and I are in.

MC: They’re back!

My panic completely dismantles the earlier atmosphere, and I muster the strength to tear myself from Kiro’s arms.

Even before I shift to the edge of the bed, Kiro wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me backwards.

We both fall onto the bed, a tangled mess of sheets beneath us. The teddy bear has fallen off the bed.

Kiro holds me tightly from behind, and my back is pressed against his chest.

Sweat soaks the fabric, which clings to our closely connected skin, bringing with it an intimate and sticky feeling.

I feel his scorching breath on the nape of my neck. It weaves through my sweat-drenched hair, lingering on my skin.

The sound of footsteps outside grows louder, causing me to tense up. I open my mouth to speak, but can only let out an inaudible gasp.

Kiro’s lips are pressed against the back of my ear, and a low and raspy voice follows.

Kiro: There’s no need to be nervous. The room is locked.

🎁

Phone Call

[zhansww]

Hey, I'm new to this side of the fandom. I was a MDZS fan but I fell in love with CQL and Xiao Zhan. I try to avoid rl cp's because of experiences with fandom. However, it's impossible to ignore WY's crush on XZ. I thought of the relationship as brotherly rivals/one-sided crush from yibo. Until I saw them on stage at the tencent awards, and with the release of all these bts vids it doesn't seem like a crush it seems very much mutual and acted on. SO here I am on tumblr checking things out

In the last 48 hours I have been all over yizhan tumblr and I really love your blog because you have a very rational pov. If you don't mind me asking how did you get into this cp? what makes you think they are still together after the ao3 incident? Do you have a preference for XZ or WY and does that make it hard being a CP fan? Is there a master list you can send me to? Sorry for asking so many questions, if any of them offend please don't anwer. Thank you in advanced.

Hello there and welcome to this side of the fandom~ 😄

Thank you so much for liking my blog. It’s always really humbling for me to read such praise //// About me, trying to think rationally when it comes to YiZhan; that is something that is very important imo. These are real people that I am making such a bold statement of, after all. It would be a disservice to them and to myself if I didn’t at least try to judge what they have in an unbiased, reasonable way. On that note, I know that a lot of cp fans fell in love with YiZhan so they just believed in them first and looked for evidence second. For me, it was quite different. I became their fan in late summer 2019. It didn’t take me long to come across cp fans who actually believed that XZ and WYB are a couple irl but I just rolled my eyes at that and dismissed most of their so-called evidence. Me, I wasn’t even sure if they were genuine friends at that point. The first thing I found out about that gave me a clue was the theory that XZ gave Yibo the ox-head necklace he was wearing back then (from June 2019 until August 2020). The lip reading is what made me believe it and I thought “oh so they are friends in real life, too. how cute”. But this was around the same time that Yibo started hiding the necklace which is something that gave me pause but that I explained with “he must be annoyed with cp fans, assuming it’s a romantic gift”. It basically kept going like this for months. I found excuses for anything that confused me at first, I really didn’t want to budge from my belief that ggdd are good friends. The more I found out about them individually and about certain theories that actually made sense, the more that belief crumbled. Until weibo night 2020 which was when I had to concede that assuming YiZhan are friends just doesn’t make sense. I still remember how oddly defeated I felt. I think it’s such a bittersweet thing. They found love but they are unable to share it, to love freely. I feel for them. And I am rooting for them so badly. That was when I started to believe. I wasn’t certain until May 2020. On the 20th, a flight to Shanghai showed on gg’s schedule and dd was set to fly there on that day, too. Other than dd’s arrival at the airport that morning, no one saw either of them that day at any of the places where fans waited, hoping to see them. There were photos of them on the 21st in Shanghai but not the 20th. And then of course, there was dd’s own confirmation that he spent that day with XZ in his weibo story. To be clear, I don’t think that any one thing about YiZhan is or should be enough to make one certain they’re a couple. For me, that particular incident was the final straw, so to say. It’s what made me completely sure about their relationship. I haven’t had any doubt since. I guess this also kinda answers your second question about what makes me think they’re still together after what happened last February. There are other hints that they (and mainly Yibo) dropped last year that let us know they are still very much in love. I elaborated a bit on that here, you can also check the posts I have in this tag for actual examples.

I don’t have a preference. It’s still so funny to me when bxg say they have a bias between XZ and WYB. I genuinely can’t relate. Ehm, I could imagine XZ-biased cp fans to have it harder, though, cuz bj/yx fans are sort of representing this cp’s fandom as a whole and generally speaking, the bj/yx fandom doesn’t seem to be able to separate wang/xian from bj/yx which leads to them, willfully misinterpreting gg’s character and ggdd’s dynamic just to fit their misguided idea of what a queer relationship between two men should look like irl. You may not know what exactly I’m referring to cuz you’re new but I don’t doubt that you’ll see soon enough :/ Personally, I prefer zsww and lsfy fans. With bj/yx fans, I barely ever know what I’m getting beforehand.

I assume you’re referring to a master list of all of XZ and WYB’s content over the last years or so? I think this site might be good but it’s all in Chinese so I don’t know for sure. Hmmm.... this thread might be a start. Also, these yt accounts: BXCnSub, Prime110W and wenwen1111. I'd recommend viki and Youtube for watching their shows. Sorry I can’t be more helpful. I remember coming across an actual master list a few months ago but I didn’t save it. If I should find it again, I’ll link it. Sorry. >.<

[nanowrimo]

5 Lessons I Learned Writing a Book in a Pandemic

This year has presented us all with unexpected obstacles and challenges—not the least of which is a global pandemic. Today, author Uju Asika talks about what she learned in the process of writing and publishing a book this year:

As the author of Bringing Up Race: How to Raise a Kind Child in a Prejudiced World, which was published in September, one question people ask me is, “How on earth did you manage to write a book in a pandemic?”

I submitted the first draft of the manuscript 12 days before the UK went into lockdown, but I still had weeks of drafting, cutting and revising left to do.

Being a NaNoWriMo winner in 2018 (whoop whoop!), I was used to churning out words at speed. But this was a work of nonfiction involving interviews, studies and checking sources. Also the topic was both deeply personal and hugely important. I couldn’t just wing it. Here are 5 lessons I learned in the process of writing a book during a pandemic:

Lesson 1: It’s Ok to Freak Out

I spent the first weeks of the pandemic scrolling news feeds 24-7 and becoming an amateur epidemiologist via the School of Google. Similarly, when I started writing the book, I lost entire days to ‘research’ (aka Facebook). I felt like a fraud, a sham, a big fat failure. Who told me I could write an entire book? Why did I think this was a good idea? Now I realize this was all completely normal. Freaking out is part of the process. Whether you are taking on a huge, scary project or a global outbreak, you are entitled to lose your shit at least for a bit.

Lesson 2: Take Regular Breaks

As a writer, once you’re disciplined enough to keep ‘butt in chair’, you might find yourself suffering sciatica, eye strain and other ailments. Likewise, if you don’t switch off from Trump tweets and Boris briefings, it can mess with your mind. Taking breaks is essential, both for your sanity and to replenish your creative well. You don’t have to go on a marathon hike or visit a remote island. Try a stroll around your neighborhood or an evening with Netflix instead of your laptop. (Just don’t use Netflix as an excuse to stop writing.)

Lesson 3: Pace Yourself

At the start of the pandemic, several world leaders claimed it would be over soon. However, common sense, instinct, and science says we are in it for the long haul. So don’t burn through those store cupboard recipes and homeschooling hacks. Equally, don’t try to write a book in one stretch (although you can do it in a month if you’re crazy enough). Set smaller goals like a daily word count or a timed writing session. Writing apps like Scrivener are great for helping you stay on track. 

Lesson 4: The Only Way Out is Through

This sounds like the theme song from a disaster movie (apt for 2020) but it’s true. Whether tackling a creative venture or a crisis, the only way out is through. There are times you’ll want to turn back or give up entirely. But the best option is to keep moving forward until you see that glimmer of light at the other end. I used to fantasize about holding the finished book in my hand. But the only way to get there was to stop fantasizing and get to work. Or to paraphrase Finding Dory, just keep that ink swimming.

Lesson 5: The Magic is in the Edit

Ask any author, most of us would rather extract teeth than remove precious words from our manuscripts. However, something magical happens in the edit. Ideas that began as loose threads weave into shape. Your work is better for what you choose to keep and what you’re willing to let go. Some call 2020 a giant reset. I think it’s a giant edit. We are letting go of what no longer serves us. Discovering what truly matters and cutting out the other crap. It is painful on many fronts but I do believe we will emerge stronger, tighter and clearer for it.

I hope these lessons are useful to anyone attempting to write through difficult times. It’s ok to freak out, whether on the page or in real life. Take regular breaks both from writing and from world news. Pace yourself but keep moving forward because the only way out is putting one foot (or word) after another. And don’t worry if your project/home/life in general feels ridiculously messy right now. The magic is in the edit.

Uju Asika is a multiple award-nominated blogger, screenwriter and digital consultant. She is the author of Bringing Up Race: How to Raise a Kind Child in a Prejudiced World, published in September 2020 by Yellow Kite (Hachette). Buy the book on Amazon UK, Waterstones, Word on the Water (delivery to North America and Europe) and other good bookshops.

Author photo by Storm Davison.

[sitting-on-me-bum]

'Sustenance 4' 

Desert: 'a waterless, desolate area of land with little or no vegetation, typically one covered with sand.' And yet, there is life in the desert. More than most people realize. In the Namib this is thanks to the wonderful miracle of fog – the clouds that roll in from the Atlantic Ocean bring with them moisture that sustain the fauna and flora living in this beautiful, harsh landscape.

by Nadia De Lange (Switzerland)

All About Photo Awards, the Mind's Eye, 2020

[calpops]

falling facade | c.h.

part five: falling fame

part one: falling flowers | part two: falling freedom | part three: falling fears | part four: falling failures

5k words

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

<< >>

Calming waves crashed on the shore line; Calum’s gaze would have been trained on the sea but Arden sat next to him in the soft light of the evening. A few weeks had passed since their last scheduled promotional post—the picture of them with Duke and the ring in sight had gone over well. They had found time away from the facade and with each other. Arden found solace in the quiet of Calum’s home in comparison to the chaos of Michael’s. Calum welcomed her, often inviting her, sometimes with the ruse of the fake engagement and sometimes all pretenses were dropped in favor of being real. All the time spent together offered new and old knowledge. Calum was finding memories with Arden he hadn’t remembered in ages. He was learning things from the years they were strangers.

“I can’t believe our parents are coming to check on us,” Arden said around a sigh as her fingers dug into the soft sand they sat on. “It’s like we’re twelve and in trouble.”

Calum chuckled at her thought and shifted to angle himself closer to her, to see her better and catch glimpses of the diamond on her finger sifting in and out of the sand. Her cheeks were pink from the day in the sun they had, hair pulled up in a messy bun atop her head and eyes guarded by sunglasses. They had stayed at Calum’s for most of the afternoon but a settled feeling of stir craziness engulfed both of them. Calum suggested the beach and when Arden scrunched up her nose and made a comment about it being packed and filled with tourists Calum smiled and promised his beach wouldn’t be. It was just a small sliver of sand tucked past a pier; only a few people ever ventured to the other side. It was quiet and desolate when they arrived.

“I can’t believe they’ve held off for so long,” Calum rebutted and ate up the raised eyebrow and crooked smirk Arden gave him in response. “Figure my mum would’ve hopped a flight the night the first picture was posted. Really going on a month without parents intervening is just short of a miracle.”

“I guess,” she said with a shrug as grains of sand slipped through her fingers and back to the earth. Calum watched as she lazily ran one finger through the grains, an indent of a scribble following her finger. “I don’t know what we’re going to tell them.”

Calum nodded, more to himself as thoughts consumed him, and shifted once more. His parents had laid off the questioning when it became apparent he couldn’t give them the answers they were looking for. Hence the surprise visit just in time with Arden’s parents' sudden decision to fly out as well. Calum and Arden knew it was planned, that they had called each other behind their backs with only concern and questions as motivation. It was too convenient to not be a joint check up. He didn’t know what they were going to tell them either. He had held his own parents off by telling them they were figuring things out; being a bit evasive and leaving explanations open ended and up for interpretation.

“What have you told your parents so far?” Calum asked, eyes content to stay on Arden as she wiggled  her bare feet in the sand and her finger stalled in its scribbling motion.

“Not much,” she admitted and shrugged. “I didn’t really know what to say so I didn’t say much of anything. Sometimes I don’t answer. Sometimes I just let them talk at me.”

The difference in their methods was striking. Calum leaned back, hands hitting the warm sand and sinking in with his weight. Arden went completely still and contemplative. Calum did some thinking as well. It would be so easy to keep up the narrative they had going. The month they had spent together brought them closer and made the fake relationship feel all the more real; especially in moments where guards were down and the only eyes on them were each others’. Calum could very easily pretend the ring on her finger was real but they were still unsure if they were going forward. Arden had been the one to sway him into telling half truths; asked him to keep secrets so she wouldn’t disappoint her parents. And he had been the one to beg her and convince her into the fake relationship in the first place; it had been his words and pleading gazes that made her signature appear on the contracts.

“We don’t need to tell them everything,” Calum suggested and Arden’s mouth twitched ever so slightly. “Stick with what they do know and keep playing it vague.”

Arden shrugged and looked past Calum; her eyes were distant past dark lenses but he knew she was staring off at the sea. Taking in the waves and the way the light of the day faded and shifted to rosy hues that made everything glimmer with a tint of pink. It brought back memories of an abstract painting hanging in the Clifford house; a piece of art designed by gentle hands.

“Is that really what you want to do?” Arden asked and took the sunglasses off her face, perched them on her head and gave new life to hazel eyes. She gave Calum a serious glance, one that asked even more questions than the single sentence she had uttered. “I know you’re really close with your family. It’ll be a lot harder to keep up the act in person. We could just tell them and get the disappointment out of the way. Maybe it’s better to do it sooner rather than later.”

Calum considered her words deeply. He knew it would be strange to evade the entire truth with his family; he was nearly certain Mali wasn’t buying anything that he came up with for explanation and could read past the headlines and tabloids. Calum almost took her up on the offer, but the way her hazel eyes went glossy and her teeth sank into her lower lip stopped him. He shook himself, reminded himself of the deal he had made in his own mind. He brought Arden into this; whether or not it was his idea to get the ring and post the photo—they were both still hazy on that front—it was his management they were appeasing. To keep her safe. From the media, from management, from fans and friends and family.

“We might as well keep playing it the way we have,” Calum suggested even though the words burned the back of his throat just a bit. “We can tell them all of it when we’re ready. They’ll understand. What with the contracts and everything.”

Everything being the confusion that clung to Calum. Being the sense of protectiveness he had developed for Arden. The extremes they were fighting against. Arden let out a breath of relief and Calum knew he made the right decision and chose the right words.

“Thank you,” she said with unwavering eye contact that instilled even more faith in the path they were following.

They held gazes for a moment; the nervous fluttering and heat in Calum’s chest made him look away. Back to the ocean that reminded him of swirls of paint and moments he was starting to remember. He didn’t know how many times he had passed Arden’s painting in the hallway of the Clifford house. Only now, when it was out of sight did he pay it any mind. Arden stretched out beside him, let her hands fall behind her as she leaned back before eventually completely collapsing into the sand in a gentle fall. Her arms went behind her head and Calum was tempted to follow suit but found the view from above too good to miss. His eyes flitted between the evening settling in the sky and Arden lounging in the sand.

“It almost looks like your painting, huh?” He asked, unable to stop the thought from tumbling out of his mouth.

“Hm?” She let out a noise of confusion as she looked up at him.

“The one you did; in the hall at your parents place,” he explained and felt warmth crawl through him, up from his chest to stain his cheeks. “It looked like an ocean sunset to me.”

Arden pursed her lips and let her eyes drift off to the waves glittering with sunset. “Right. That hasn’t been in the hallway for years. Think a record plaque or some music award replaced it a while ago.”

Calum fell silent at that; suddenly immersed in the reality that Arden was his bandmate’s sister and her life had been just as much altered with the rise of the band as theirs had. He hadn’t been to the Clifford residence since their careers took off and they found places of their own. He couldn’t picture the wall with anything but abstract waves and colors that caught and kept attention. Even with a plaque or award that was sure to dominate the wall and domineer confidence Calum thought the wall would feel empty. He noted the downturn of her lips and the way she wouldn’t meet his gaze; something so unnatural for them.

“I always liked it,” Calum said to fill the silence and speak a truth and realization.

“It’s nothing special,” she said and Calum could hear the sentiment of comparing it to the band related piece that claimed its spot. “Art is just a hobby. I’m really not that good.”

The doubt of her own abilities left a lingering ache in Calum’s chest. He yearned to take the sting of her words away, to erase the frown and call her gaze back to his. But she was quiet and watching the water, the even rise and fall of her chest finding rhythm with the rise and crash of waves breaking on the shoreline. Calum bit his lip for a moment.

“I’d like a painting like it,” he decided to say, knowing exactly where it would go and how often he would admire it. He kept his eyes on her as she blushed and finally looked at him.

“Really?”

He nodded and she nodded back; made a half promise that maybe she could do that for him. Her frown disappeared but there was still an air of hurt that captured her. They settled into a somber silence where only the waves made noise between them. The sun was still out; just a touch of light gracing the evening and glittering the beach in a rose gold haze. It was quiet and unknown, hardly anyone lingered on their side of the pier and no one intruded on their business. Calum’s promise that it would be just them was basically fulfilled. Until his eyes swept the sand down the shoreline and found a girl with her phone pointed right at him. At them. Calum’s blood ran fiery through his veins, instincts running wild as he knew the camera was capturing their every move.

“Arden,” he said, trying to keep the panic from his voice so as not to alarm her; so she would stay put and not lurch up to face the camera dead on. “There’s a girl past the pier on the shoreline and I think she’s filming us. Just don’t sit up or look her way.”

Arden went completely still. The usual wiggle of her feet or bounce of her leg was panic stricken and frozen. This was the first encounter with a camera they weren’t expecting. They had employed tactics to keep Arden’s privacy as much as they could. Burying her face against Calum’s chest, hiding behind Duke and a kiss on the cheek, sunglasses and hat to cover up. Calum kept his eye on the girl in the most inconspicuous way he could. Behind his own sunglasses he wasn’t sure she would know his gaze was trained on her as she moved down the shore line and came to a more direct angle of them. Without thinking Calum was moving, shifting his weight to his knees and hands and hovering over the top of a confused Arden.

His back was to the camera and Arden was officially out of sight. She seemed to pick up on his intentions after a moment and a smirk. Her hands came out from behind her head with sand falling from her fingers and palms she settled her hands in his hair, trying to keep up the act and make the position look more natural and intimate. He shifted and settled his weight to one side, hip falling and his body guarding the side of Arden the camera could see. She turned with him, settling against him to better hide her face. Calum felt her warmth against his skin, felt his skin prickle and heart beat a little bit out of rhythm.

“I told you,” she said and her voice rang truths Calum couldn’t forget but would play oblivious to nonetheless. He made a noise of confusion to get her to explain. “I told you if it’s not paparazzi then it’s fans or social media or something.”

“You’re right,” he conceded but sighed. “Sometimes it’s like this. Some fans do this. But not always. Not all of them. It’s been a month and this has only happened once, right?”

It was time for Arden to concede with a timid nod and bitten lip as she considered the truth of his words. Fame always came with a cost; some paid it in droves and pieces of their lives. Others only encountered that cost occasionally. Calum figured that he was set somewhere in the middle.

“Maybe just once is too much for some people,” she said and made Calum’s heart ache; made a piece of hope plummet in his stomach and crash like waves to the shore.

With heart beating fast and hard he sucked in a breath and turned to see if the girl was still lurking. She had taken the hint and headed back toward the pier. Calum thanked her silently, appreciating the fact she didn’t push any further than what had already been done. He didn’t know how Arden would handle having a fan come up directly to them. If it would freak her out, make her freeze; if it and she would be okay or not. Her hands still lingered in his hair and for a selfish moment he stayed quiet; enjoying the feeling and taking a deep breath to try and remember the subtleties. Their moments of intimacy were scattered. The facade of it came with cameras and people who didn’t know the truth. The real moments were defined by privacy and small brushes. Legs touching as they sat next to each other. Hands brushing. Her head rested on his shoulder in a moment of peace. Thank yous said against his cheek.

“I think she’s gone now,” Calum admitted but Arden’s hands surprisingly didn’t fall. “We’re safe.”

Her fingers glided from his hair to his jaw and with bated breath Calum enjoyed the feeling and the flutter of beautiful nerves low in his stomach. Moving together, Calum leaned back and Arden settled to rest her head against his chest, one hand tucked under her and the other laid flat on his stomach. He didn’t say anything, tried to keep his breathing even and worked up the courage to run his fingers lazily up and down her arm. A new moment of bliss captured them as the rest of the world went static and distant. Calum couldn’t focus on the water or the colors of the sunset, he couldn’t hear the waves or the birds chirping overhead. All he could see was Arden’s timid nod and bitten lip; the uncertainty that crossed her face. All he could hear was maybe once is too much.

Sometimes Arden was able to let go of inhibitions and fears of fame. In moments when they were well and truly alone it was as if Calum wasn’t in a known band. He wasn’t a famous musician with fans and media eyes all over him. Arden made him feel normal and safe. But in moments where cameras invaded their privacy it was too much for Arden to forget. It made her feel unusual and uncomfortable.

“We haven’t gone in the water,” Arden said with a soft voice; hazel eyes taking in the ocean for all it was worth. “We should.”

Calum let out a small laugh at her insistence. “It’s probably freezing.”

“Oh it can’t be that bad,” she brushed it off and began to sit up; the second she was gone Calum missed her presence and the feel of her against him. “C’mon. We can at least dip our feet in. Can’t go to the beach and not go in the ocean.”

Calum followed her lead. Reached a hand out to grab hers and felt her fingers lock with his without even looking back. It was another small moment that defined them. He wasn’t wearing a swimsuit but he braved the lapping water anyway; the cool waves took his breath away as they crashed into his feet and the laughter that fell from Arden’s lips warmed him right back up.

“I told you it was cold,” Calum said as Arden shrieked at the water climbing her shins. He brought her closer with their held hands, let her arms wrap around his neck and laughed when it became apparent she was using him to get away from the cold. “Can’t go to the beach and not go in the ocean.”

Calum repeated her words as he lifted her up and brought them in further, the waves lapping up to her back; shorts and t-shirts quickly soaking with salt water. She threw her head back in laughter at his lighthearted mockery and the way her own words came back to bite her. With the sun setting and the heat of the day fleeing the water was even colder than usual but Calum didn’t mind the bite of cold on his skin when Arden was in his hold. When her shrieks disguised with laughter tumbled through his ears. When his name in her voice cut through and the force of the waves brought them even closer together. It took a few minutes to adjust to the cool temperature, little shivers still trembling Arden’s lips but joy lighting up her eyes.

She fell silent and Calum was quiet too, stood with his feet planted in the sand as the motion of the waves knocked into his legs, hands holding Arden up and the force keeping them close together. For just a split second Calum let himself revel in the fact she was so close. It was reminiscent of the dance floor and the living room. Foreheads pressed together, barely a breath between their smiles. Intoxicating sweetness right before him. And in an instant it was gone. Sugar was replaced with the spray of salt and honey melted away in favor of freezing water. She dropped from his hold but went on tiptoes, arms ducking into the water for the first time and a breath of disbelief rattling her. They looked out to where the waves were building; being only past waist deep they received the crashing end of them. They were alone in the water, a feeling of privacy veiling them as no one dared to brave the cold.

“That one looks…” Arden started, observing the wave building in the distance. “Too big.”

Calum scaled the wave in his mind, finding it to be possibly double the size of what they’d endured so far and his eyes widened. “We should run.”

They erupted into laughter and motion, slowly moving through the water. Calum kept a look out behind them, noting that the distance they put between them and the wave wasn’t enough. He grabbed Arden, arms wrapped around her from behind, held her close and tight and let the wave break against his back. The force of the wave was enough to have them stumbling, but with Calum’s support of Arden she stayed mostly upright as the wave passed them; soaking them completely from head to toe. If Calum hadn’t thought fast and held her she may have gone under from the force. He didn’t know how strong of a swimmer she was and wasn’t about ready to find out.

They stumbled out of the water, planted themselves on the shoreline with sopping wet clothes and hair and laughter that collided with the sunset. The waves barely touched their feet after breaking in the distance and lapping to shore. They took a moment to catch their breath, salt water nearly inhaled in the force of the wave. Calum couldn’t take his eyes off of Arden. The moment was dramatic and drowning but the laughter and the grin that couldn’t be contained left Calum feeling afloat. Her laughter bid his on, let chuckles fall from him in strangled breaths as he looked at her in awe.

“You saved my life,” she remarked once the laughter died down but a smirk still arched her lips and twinkled her eyes as she got up and offered a hand to him—she led him back back into the water, only about knee deep. “But you put it in danger first.”

A small splash accompanied by another giggle landed across his chest in a muted burst of cold. Calum was numb from the bite of cold washing over him so thoroughly, her splash was futile but her laughter made it worthwhile. Suddenly he was swept up in mischief, splashing her back past shrieks and chasing her through the water. Inhibitions slipped away and pooled into the open ocean, ready to drift away with the tide. The tense moment and anxiety of eyes and a camera on them disappeared into the sunset, ignorant bliss shrouded them in a curtain of privacy. They enjoyed the water and the sunset colliding against the waves in subtle bursts of color as time bled away from them; night approached with wind rolling off the waves and dark blue capturing the sky, shivering bodies wrapped in towels Calum was glad he thought to pack.

They abandoned the water and their spot on the sand in favor of the car with the heater thawing out their chills. They stayed parked with a view of the night and the moon glaring through the windshield. They were quiet and so was the night, not even the chirp of birds or the crash of waves made way into their small bubble of privacy. Calum chanced a glance over at Arden, sneaking a peak as she sunk further into the towel and watched the wiggle of her legs attempting to bring warmth back to her. If things were different; if she wasn’t Michael’s sister and their relationship wasn’t built around drunken escapades and forced facades, Calum may have thrown his arm over her shoulders and pulled her along the bench seat and to his side. He may have only packed one towel so they could huddle together under it and revel in each other’s body heat. But she was Arden and he was Calum and everything between them was too complicated for anything other than the facade they were living through. Or at least that’s what Calum convinced himself of in that moment.

Instead he just placed a hand on her knee as he had done before; the contact becoming more familiar with each touch. She smiled at him and slid herself closer, just a bit, just enough to communicate that it was okay and that the moment was real. It served as an answer and dug up more questions. Their moments on the beach, pressed so close and eye to eye. Pieces of her puzzle and past falling together. Calum had to wonder if those moments were real too. The line between pretenses and reality was becoming blurrier and blurrier as time went on and days were spent together without contractual reasoning. The sudden urge that had Calum jumping to shield her was less to do with a fuck you to management and more to do with a sense of protectiveness for her. She was timid in the face of a staged and known paparazzi stunt; Calum’s instincts went into overdrive to keep her okay during an unexpected invasion of privacy.

Their gaze broke for a moment, just long enough for her to let out a sigh and for the weight of it to barrel into Calum. Downcast eyes came back to meet one another and pursed lips and a twitching nose spoke of thoughts neither would say out loud. The quiet that settled between them was delicate, drenched in moonlight and privacy. Calum knew it was getting late but it was a thought he’d rather not say; the prospect of parting ways always hanging in the balance of time.

“It’s late,” Arden finally declared, saying what they both already knew and implying what was always to come. “Should probably head back now.”

Calum nodded and pulled his hand away from her, to put the key in the ignition and followed her suggestion as she slid back into her own seat. The drive was stalled for traffic and it bid Calum time to sneak glances at her; to note the way she burrowed into her towel and seemingly failed to keep wet hair from her eyes. Calum was smirking and holding back gentle laughter at her futile attempts to tuck her hair behind her ear; suppressed the ever present yearning to reach over and do it for her. Instead he reached for the radio and let music guide them back to Michael’s place. It was all too familiar a routine. Days spent together felt timeless yet too fast they would end up back in front of the house, back to Arden exiting the car and leaving Calum alone. The only good being the brush of her lips against his warmed cheek as she said her usual goodbye and thank you.

The house was calmer than usual when they pulled up but a light at the front was on for Arden’s homecoming. Neither moved once the car was in park—another piece of the routine falling into place. This time the blissful quiet that almost always ensued was interrupted by the ding and vibration of Calum’s phone. It was incessant and annoying, an obstacle to the few moments of alone time he had left with Arden. With eyes rolling and a breath escaping him he was ready to turn the phone off but notifications with Arden’s name stared back at him and stopped all movement. His anxieties and fears of a phone on the beach were trending. Photos and videos filled his timeline; moments he thought were private splashed across the internet for all to see. Calum knew Arden must have sensed the panic he was trying so hard to hide, her movement toward him and eyes finding the phone highlighting that fact.

The protective moment in the sand wasn’t surprising; Calum figured it would be posted but hoped he’d done enough to keep Arden out of the shot. The moments in the waves with laughter and guards down were what left Calum shell shocked. He thought the fan had fled when it was clear he was drawing a boundary in the sand. He thought the moment was theirs and theirs alone. Now it was an invasion of privacy.

Arden shook her head and Calum caught the shine of her eyes that showed her pain and hurt him as well. “I thought that was real.”

“It was,” Calum quickly defended the intrusive thought that his intentions were anything less than real. “I thought she left. We wouldn’t have gone out if I knew she was still taking photos.”

“Okay,” Arden accepted and Calum was relieved she was so quick to believe him; to trust his word even though the photos and tweets were much louder and painted lies so vividly and so easily. “Okay.”

She repeated the word but it was broken the second time, eyes fixating on the text below the photo; Calum followed her gaze and found scalding words of an unwarranted opinion. About her. He pulled the phone away and locked it; wished she hadn’t had to see that and was thankful she usually avoided social media. Hoped she wouldn’t have to see anything like it again.

She made to leave the car but Calum’s hand on her arm stopped her. “I’ll see you this weekend?”

She was confused for a moment but recognition filtered through quickly. “Right. I’m sure our parents will want to interrogate us together.”

She was distant, voice low and eyes wandering straight through Calum and past the tinted windows of the car. He let her go then, fingertips numb at the loss of contact and heart racing as she slipped out of the car without a near taste of sugar or a goodbye. He contained himself until she was in the house and the door was shut. Then his hands gripped the wheel with white knuckle force as he peeled out and headed home with his frustration. He tried to prevent it, tried to keep her from all she thought that fame was. He wanted nothing more than to keep her tucked away and into his side, away from flashing lights and out of headlines more than necessary.

Now the game was spinning out of their control and Arden was questioning what was real. Calum had those moments too but he was always able to reel himself in and feel his way around the uncertainty. He knew what was in his heart and mind, saw reflections of the same feelings in her eyes and all the smaller moments. He could tell she felt the weight of falling fame landing on her shoulders; he just hoped he could keep them and what was real from collapsing under the pressure.

<< >>

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[feminaexlux]

Stronger

Hey hey hey welcome to Part 3 of Miraculous Leap (Part 1). Part 2 is 5 Minutes

Ending this year with Lukanette again! Hoping it brings good tidings for 2021 (better than 2020 that's for sure)! Happy New Year!

FYI: Dewey = Dominic :)

AO3 link!

⁂

Ladybug brushed away her tears and smiled back up at Viperion. "Okay," she said shakily, nodding to indicate that she understood. "Okay."

They were in the past, or at least they were currently occupying their past selves. Hmm, how long ago was this? Ladybug looked back down at her suit and it was that ridiculous basic-ass red and black polka dot version. She didn't even have her wings. Okay, that narrowed it down to… younger than 16?

Ugh, that sucked. No one in their right mind would ever want to repeat their awkward teenage years over again, but… as much as she loved Dewey and wanted him with her at least right now she wasn't feeling like she'd swallowed a basketball. And she currently didn't have any back pain, which was a bonus.

Tikki, I need my wings, Ladybug thought at Tikki.

Tikki sounded a little startled to be pinged directly like she just was. Oh… um… Okay, Marinette!

She suddenly felt herself being wrenched away from Luka by another person before her wings fully manifested. "H-Hey!" She yelled out.

Chat had pulled her behind him and was aiming his baton at Viperion. "Don't touch her, you jerk! What did you do?! Why'd you make her cry?!"

"Chat… wh-what?" Ladybug sputtered. She heard Viperion growling under his breath.

"Are you okay, Milady?" Chat called out over his shoulder. Oh God, not this phase. She saw Luka clench his jaw and fold his arms but otherwise he was remaining still. Luka was pissed at the way she was being handled but he knew better than to step in and make things worse… Though Marinette knew he had a limit.

Ladybug sighed. "Chat, I'm fine!" Of course Chat wasn't standing down.

"Here's what's going on," Viperion said, sounding clipped. "This akuma controls time. Its power is to swap someone from a different time period in their life to here. Long story short the Ladybug and Viperion here now are from the future. I'm from the future. She's from the future. We're from the same future, since your LB and Viperion got hit with the same blast. We'd both been… taking care of someone, and it was terrifying that he wasn't here with us."

Chat was taken aback and reacted like he'd just been slapped. "Who… Both of…? No, nevermind. You guys… don't look like you're from the future," he said suspiciously.

Viperion took a deep inhale and long exhale in annoyance. "It was a mental swap. Sorry. Should have clarified." Thank God her husband had the patience he did. But oh shit--

"V! 7 o'clock!" Ladybug yelled out, pushing Chat out of her way. Ladybug wasn't 100% certain Viperion had access to all of his abilities so she had started to get her yoyo shield ready. Viperion turned in the direction she specified and caught the blast before it landed, reversing time itself and pushing the blast back to its origin. Okay, that question answered. Viperion had what he needed.

"Wow! What was that?!" Chat cried out in astonishment. "Oh holy crud, Ladybug, you--you can fly?!"

"Chat! Focus! We need to take care of this akuma!" Ladybug called out. The sooner they finish, the sooner she and Luka can get back to… She snorted to herself. What an awkward time for her past self to end up in.

⁂

(Back in the future…)

"I can't believe we have 5 kids," Marinette started laughing. It… oddly didn't bother her all that much. After all, with a certain someone she had imagined having up to 3. 5… was… well, definitely way less believable, but it didn't bother her.

Luka looked a little embarrassed and took a drink of his water. He just shrugged and sat down on the floor next to Marinette, pressing his back up against the edge of the bed. "I didn't have a plan for anything," he said sheepishly. "Just me and my guitar for… ever, I guess."

Marinette blinked in surprise. "You never planned to ask me out?"

"Didn't seem like you'd be interested," he said, raising an eyebrow at her question. "I don't mean for this to sound bad but… I don't know how we got…" He gestured at the room. "Here."

It's 'cause he thinks you're in love with Adrien, duh, Marinette chided herself. But… but was she… really?

"Wait… where are… the kids?" Luka asked.

"With my parents," Marinette answered. "Seems like they all go over pretty regularly," she said, showing Luka her calendar. Every 2 weekends she had an event called "Kids @ T/S," with the alternate weekends being labeled "Kids w/Granarka." Well, that was extremely nice of their parents to take on… "We must like these kids if we wanted 5 of them," Marinette mumbled to herself. She opened up her phone's photos and looked through the albums.

She noticed that Luka had leaned in a little to look over her shoulder. "Sorry," he said, pulling back.

"No, they're… yours too," she laughed. She angled the phone so the both of them could see.

"Harmony" was the oldest at 9, the most recent video had her playing a yellow electric guitar and singing on stage by herself at what looked like a small café. There were so many pictures and videos of her at these showings, and in a number of them it looked like future Luka was just offstage cheering her on.

"Melody" was second oldest at 6, and it seemed like she was a little copy of Marinette herself. Marinette couldn't help but smile down at the photos of her future second daughter dressing up and posing in various costumes and placing scrap fabric pieces together on the floor in make-believe designs. Apparently Marinette would have a protégé to call her own.

"Hugo & Louis" were the twin boys, still toddlers at 3. They always had silly faces on in all the pictures Marinette and Luka scanned. She had a video of future Luka tossing both boys into a ball pit and them giggling like maniacs, enjoying the airtime and landing in an explosion of brightly colored plastic balls.

And finally, "Dominic" was an album full of sonograms. Marinette patted her stomach. "Well, hello Dominic," she said. "I wish we met under better circumstances. I hope you're alright."

There had been another album labeled "Us" that Marinette scrolled through. Stills of future Marinette and future Luka together at award shows or at fashion events. Selfie videos of them sending jokes to one another. Pictures of future Luka working in his studio or playing his guitar or hanging out with friends.

Future Marinette adored him. Every picture had him smiling back or pleasantly surprised.

One selfie from several months ago had him with his arms wrapped around her from behind, leaning down to kiss her shoulder as she held up 3 different positive pregnancy test results in front of the bathroom mirror. Future them looked so happy.

Suddenly an awful, sinking feeling hit Marinette.

"We're not going to remember this," she said to Luka, and it was something like anguish that made her voice sound so raw. "Probably? Sometimes no one remembers what happened when the Miraculous Ladybugs reset everything…" She saw his eyes widen. "I don't… This… I-I… I want to remember this!"

His eyes widened further in surprise as both eyebrows went up. "You do?"

"Yeah! I mean, look at us! We're so… so… Wait… do you want… all this?"

Luka looked somewhat incredulous. "You remember I had zero plans, right? I didn't think about dating or marriage or kids." Marinette felt like a balloon (pregnancy aside) that just got punctured. For some reason her heart ached. "I mean… I never figured I'd get anywhere with you past being your friend. I didn't think you liked me that way at all. This? All this," he pointed at the pictures, "wasn't even a possibility." He closed his eyes.

Marinette wasn't sure what to say.

"Wasn't before," he said quietly, after a few moments. He started staring off into the distance. "Now? Do I want this?" He dropped his gaze to his left ring finger, then back up at her. "Yeah. Yes. But I don't want you to start liking me because of this. Futures aren't ever set in stone." He stared back off into space. "Honestly I want us to forget this. It's nice. Really nice. And maybe it won't happen. It'd hurt a lot to know what I missed out on."

Oh. Oh no. She'd been doing the Chat thing where she was barreling toward a specific outcome without thinking about the process or journey. Luka was right. Maybe it wouldn't happen. Not without her taking honest stock of her feelings first.

Did she want… him?

"It's supposed to lift you up and make you feel stronger." Chat had done that for her once. Then recently it'd been more like "Don't focus on the bad stuff." That didn't stop the bad stuff from existing.

Adrien had done that for her when he said she was the "Everyday Ladybug." And then it felt that no matter what she did he kept getting further and further away. And Adrien hadn't reached back out for her to help close the distance.

"Sorry," Luka said, breaking her out of her thoughts. "Guess I'm just… worried."

Marinette looked at him. "No, you're right. It would be unfair if all I wanted was the result." She paused for a few seconds to think her words through.

"I'm not going to start liking you because we got to experience this future," Marinette began again. "I don't even know when it really started. I just know I already do. You've never made me feel like I was wrong. You've never made me doubt myself. You've never made me think for one second I'd have to watch the things I say and the things I do or pretend to be friends with the people who've hurt me. You've always let me be who I am."

He had turned to look at her, worry and concern etched in the furrows of his brows. But the edges had softened as she talked.

Marinette smiled shyly. "I know it's not going to be easy… and it's something we'll have to keep working on… but I'd like to find out how far we can go together." She held out her hand to him, palm up. "I want… us. An us… whatever it looks like in the end."

Luka searched her face for a few heartbeats and took a breath, seemingly content with whatever he found. He gave her a lopsided smile. "I want that too." He reached out and took her hand.

⁂

(The "past")

"Miracu--!" Ladybug was getting ready to launch her Lucky Charm up in the air when Chat stopped her.

"Wait! Wait wait wait. Please. Can… can I talk with you… in private? For a little bit, Milady?" Chat looked down at her pleading with his most pathetic looking kitten eyes and Ladybug sighed. She glanced back at Viperion, who cocked his head a tiny bit to the side and smiled.

Like Luka was shrugging a What can you do?

Marinette winked back a Won't take long, handed Viperion the Lucky Charm, and turned back to Chat. "Alright. The rules are I'm not going to tell you any details but we can talk."

Chat jumped over to another rooftop and down into the alley below, putting a few buildings between him and Viperion. Ladybug followed behind him, floating down with her wings. Chat leaned his back against the brick wall and folded his arms. "Did… I ever have a chance with you?"

Huh. Okay. Chat was more observant than she remembered him being at 15. "Hmm, yes," Ladybug answered. She knew who he was, after all.

"Then… I guess I screwed up," Chat said miserably. "I always thought we were made for each other, you know?"

"We might have been once," Ladybug said gently. "But we both grew up, Chat. Neither of us screwed up at all."

Chat furrowed his brows at that. "Is there anything I can do now to change?"

"You wouldn't be you, Chat." She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug, leaving a hand on his shoulder after stepping back. "I know it's not what you thought you wanted, but your future will still be amazing."

"Are… you happy?"

Ladybug had a serene smile, glancing back in Viperion's general direction with her hands now over her heart. "I am."

Chat stared at her for a bit. Something about the quiet conviction she had was more… meaningful than if she'd been animated about saying it.

There was nothing to prove to anyone. It was just the truth.

Chat sighed audibly. "Okay, Ladybug. Thanks," he gave her a small smile. "Sorry. You need to get back home, right?" Ladybug nodded. "Then let's get going!"

Moments later Ladybug and Chat Noir landed together in front of Viperion, who handed the Lucky Charm back to her. She threw it high into the sky and said "Miraculous Ladybugs!"

Ladybug reached out her hand and Viperion took it in his. They smiled at each other when the waves of ladybugs passed over them.

⁂

Ladybug blinked a few times, her brain a little foggy after being hit with that blast. She'd been trying to save Viperion from the akuma's attack… She must have been a little too slow. Wait, where were they? And Viperion was in front of her now, and he looked… okay?

He was staring down at something. When she looked in the same direction she saw that they were holding hands. A small part of her panicked and wanted to pull away, but… an overwhelmingly larger part of her… liked it? Viperion hadn't pulled away either. So she… didn't pull away.

"Welcome back, Viperbug," Chat laughed, his baton across his shoulders with his hands on either end.

"What… happened?" Ladybug asked, her cheeks slightly pinking as she kept a hold of Viperion. It just felt… kinda nice.

"There was something about the future," Viperion said, still staring down at their linked hands. "I feel like there was something important, but… I can't seem to remember."

"Yeah, you guys got hit by the akuma but we still managed to take care of it. Paris is safe again," Chat smiled. "I'm heading out. See you guys later!" he yelled out, leaping away after saluting.

Huh. It felt like Chat wanted to leave faster than usual. He didn't even stop for their typical "Bien Joué!"

"… I guess we're done here? Alright, I'll drop you back off at home," Ladybug said to Viperion.

⁂

(One day later)

"Hey Marinette," Luka said from behind her. Marinette yelped and windmilled forward, nearly falling over but quickly got back to her feet and spun on her heels to face him. "… Are you looking for Juleka?" He had a smile on his face… one part amusement by her antics and another part joy in seeing her.

She'd come onboard the Liberty and stood on the deck… there wasn't any real reason why, she just kinda… showed up. "Ah haha, um, no, no I a-actually… I was just um! Looking around! Yeah! The-The stage!" Oh God why did she say that.

Luka rolled with it, even though Marinette was certain he knew she just made that up. "Sure, feel free. It's good to see you."

"Too! It's you! I mean it's good to you! See you. Too," she laughed nervously. He moved around her and set his backpack down against the atrium couch. She slapped both hands to her face and cringed when she thought he wasn't looking at her. Auuugh.

"I'm gonna get a snack. Do you want anything?"

She jumped again, hiding her hands behind her back. "Oh! S-sure, thanks, that's great."

"Cool, do you want to follow me down and let me know what you'd like?" She nodded and went to the main cabin with him. She sat down at the kitchen counter bar and asked for juice, sipping it nervously when he sat in the seat next to her.

"I… I actually just wanted to talk with you," she said. "You… said I can just be myself around you." It had been hard to look at him so she just stared at her glass, feeling self conscious.

"Yeah, always," he said easily. He'd gotten some yogurt for himself, but he hadn't opened it up yet. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I… There was… You know…" she started, sighing when she couldn't get the words she wanted out. "I'm not sure how to say it but… have you ever gotten the sense that you… missed something really important? Like you got caught up in something… silly and there was this really cool person you passed by 'cause you were distracted." She finally looked up at him.

"If they're still around you still have a chance to say hi," he smiled at her. "People are pretty chill, and I'm sure they'd love to talk with you." He opened up his yogurt and took a spoonful.

Marinette was pretty sure she was blushing. "Y-Yeah, he's pretty chill. Soooo. Hah, um. Hi."

With the spoon in his mouth he got out a "Hmm?"

"Wanna… see a movie?" She should clarify. "J-Just us! No group!" She should further clarify. "A date! It's a date! I'm asking!"

He swallowed too fast and started coughing. At least he hadn't swallowed the spoon. "Ah," he laughed after recovering. "That sounds great, but…" Marinette's heart jumped into her throat. "I wanna make sure you're… sure," he said awkwardly. "Sure you're not… missing out on what you really want," he added, blushing a bit himself.

"Th-That's why… I'm asking," she said shyly. "I-I think… What I really want is… something new. Someone that helps make me better, you know? Makes me happy too. And… I've been thinking about you."

"Me," he said, sounding a little surprised.

Marinette nodded. "Are… are you… interested?"

He took her hand in his. "Yeah. Definitely."

[wccyne]

* (   dylan  o’brien   ,   twenty  seven   ,   cis  male   ,   he/him   .   ross  lynch   )   did   you   see   the   new   picture   of   theodore   wayne   in   the   tabloids   ?   the   singer / musician / actor   is   getting   pretty   famous   these   days   ,  and   being   humble   is   the   talk   of   their   social   media   .   but   will   being   impulsive   cause   their   downfall  ?   they're   known   by   shine   weekly   as   the   the  kirk   ,   and   it   sounds   like   the   9.6m   fans   they   have   agree   .   however   ,   (  cameras   catch   wayne   trying   to   pay   off   cops   while   getting   arrested!  )   is   all   over   the   internet   this   morning   ,   lets   hope   it   doesn't   tarnish   their   reputation   .

                           hello,   i’m   danvers   and   i   hail   in   the   pacific   timezone.   i’m   super   stoked   to   be   here!   his   intro   is   gonna   be   a   mess   because   i’m   a   mess,   so   m’sorry   in   advance.

character.

 full   name:   theodore   noel   wayne.   nicknames:   theo,   ted,   teddy.   date   of   birth:   november   seventh.   build:   5′11″,   thin   and   lengthy.   hair   /   eye   color:   brunette,   styled   /   hazel.   current   residence:   los   angeles.   orientation:   heteromantic.   career   claim:   ross   lynch;   singer   /   musician   /   actor.   character   inspo:   steve   harrington,   harvey   kinkle,   jesse   katsopolis.   

about.

 he   grew   up   in   some   town   in   texas   to   a   father   who   was   a   music   teacher   and   a   mother   who   was   a   tax   accountant.   he   was   the   middle   kid;   having   one   older   brother   and   one   younger   sister.

 learning   the   strings   came   natural   for   him.   in   fact,   music   ran   rampant   with   both   his   siblings.   by   the   time   he   was   nine,   theo   was   picking   up   the   guitar   and   banging   on   the   drums.   he   was   put   into   music   lessons   quickly   after.

 fame   came   to   him   at   a   mall.   yes,   you   read   that   right.   it   was   pretty   random   but   his   mom   was   ecstatic   when   the   talent   agent   spotted   them.   the   lady   said   he   had   the   look   -whatever   that   meant.

 it’s   a   scam   -   his   dad   would   say   in   between   sips   of   coffee,   which   always   garnered   a   glare   from   across   the   kitchen   table.   after   about   seven   no’s,   his   eighth   audition   finally   brought   back   promising   news.   all   that   was   needed   was   him   in   front   of   a   piano   and   a   script   that   asked   for   singing.   when   casting   found   he   had   a   voice   and   was   multitalented   with   instruments,   they   jumped   at   the   opportunity.

 he   was   fifteen   when   he   got   his   first   break.   it   was   a   kids   sitcom,   sure,   but   he   was   young   himself   and   it   was   a   lead   role.   he’d   play   austin   moon;   an   extroverted,   fun-loving   singer   and   instrumentalist. 

 at   one   point,   production   tried   to   dye   his   hair   blonde   for   the   pilot   episode   but   his   mom   put   a   stop   to   that.   no   one   touched   those   baby   browns.

 los   angeles   would   become   his   new   home   away   from   home,   until   eventually   it   was   home.   see,   when   disney   announced   they   were   greenlighting   austin   &   ally   as   a   series,   his   parents   came   to   the   agreement   it   was   time   they   made   the   move   from   texas   to   los   angeles   permanently.

 *   everything   after   was   a   whirl   wind.   he   finished   austin   &   ally,   his   siblings   furthered   their   own   desires   of   being   in   the   spotlight   but   with   music.   he   tested   his   own   acting   career   with   film   until   he   was   offered   the   part   on   a   netflix   original,   the   chilling   adventures   of   sabrina.   life   was   good,   until   he   stumbled   upon   alcohol   and   had   a   bit   too   fun   at   parties.   now   he’s   taking   a   break   from   acting   and   focusing   on   music   with   his   older   brother.   -the   driver   era   has   a   good   ring   to   it,   doesn’t   it?

personality.

 he’s   always   been   a   goof   ball;   easy   to   talk   too   and   approachable.   but   with   first   impressions,   he   comes   off   quiet   and   to   himself.   once   he   opens   up   to   someone,   you'll   have   to   get   him   to   shut   up.

 has   bad   anxiety,   especially   right   before   interviews.   bites   his   nails   way   too   much.   has   never   been   a   fan   of   confrontation   unless   he’s   inebriated.

 protective   of   his   families   privacy.   doesn’t   mind   taking   photos   with   fans   even   if   he’s   in   comfy   sweats   and   just   trying   to   get   starbucks.   

 has   trouble   when   things   get   serious.   big   on   ignoring   a   problem   until   it   eventually   goes   away.   the   kinda   guy   someone   goes   to   for   advice,   but   never   follows   it   himself.

timeline.  12  years  span.

*   television.

austin & ally   -   2009 /  2014  ( 5  years. )

teen  beach  movie   -   2011

teen  beach  2   -   2013

girl  meets  world  ( one  ep  )   -  2013

chilling  adventures  of  sabrina   -   2018 /  2020

*   film.

my  friend  dahmer   -   2015

status  update   -   2016

*   music.

the  drivers  era   -   2020  /  present. musical  duo  w/  brother.  released:  preacher man  &  afterglow.

wanted   connections.

 these   are   gonna   be   so   basic,   but   a   more   detailed   wc   will   come   in   due   time!

a   roommate    /    neighbors    /    friends    /    co-stars   he’s   worked   w/   onset   or   actors   he’s   met   during   award   shows,   idk    /    fellow   musicians    /    frenemies    /    former   or   current   gf   his   publicist   orchestrated   to   boost   their   public   image   /    a   rival   /    someone   who’s   a   bad   influence    /    a   bestfriend   plsss

[johnny-and-dora]

sunny one so true, i love you

as a long, hot summer draws to a close, jake is determined to make sure mac has the best first beach trip a toddler has ever experienced. (written for @undead-thot-hours as part of the b99 summer 2020 fic exchange, i hope you like it!) @b99fandomevents

read on ao3 -

Ideally, living in Brooklyn in the middle of the summer would be perfect. There’d be some kind of ice coffee river Willy Wonka stylez that Jake could wade into, functioning air conditioning on demand and plenty of opportunities for him to up his sunglasses game and practise some cool new moves to impress the squad.

In reality, it costs like $12 for one tiny cup of iced coffee, and the air conditioning at the precinct is constantly on the fritz. He can’t even practise any cool sunglasses moves because one of Mac’s current favourite pastimes is taking either of his parent’s eyewear and lovingly slobbering all over it. It’s kind of a bummer - but also, like everything his son does, extremely cute, so Jake doesn’t really mind. The great picture he got of Mac wearing his sunglasses makes it worth it.

It’s been a long, long summer filled with paperwork and overtime instead of getting to hang out with his beautiful family all the time, which is the real bummer. So, when Amy suggested they take advantage of their shared Sunday off to take Mac to Brighton Beach for the first time, he’d responded with trademark enthusiasm.

Which was then later followed by abject panic, because Jake kinda sorta forgot that he’s not the beaches biggest fan.

It’s not like he’s some kind of beach hater, because that’s like hating summer or holidays or fun and Jake loves all of those things. It’s just that his lasting childhood memories of the beach are less than rosy. They mostly include him getting super sunburnt, dropping his ice-cream in the sand, or getting buried alive by Gina. None of them make him feel particularly good, and he doesn’t particularly want to pass that not-good feeling down to his son by ruining Mac’s first beach experience.

So many things could go wrong. What if a seagull steals his food, or his ball gets lost at sea? What if his favourite toy gets all sandy and ruined? What if a seagull steals him, and Jake’s powerless to do anything but watch?

To cut a long week of worrying about increasingly improbable scenarios short, this beach trip has to go well. In fact, Jake’s general brain weirdness and a strong desire to be a good dad means this needs to be the best beach trip a toddler has ever experienced in the history of beach trips. It’s the least he can do for Mac.

So, he invites Charles and Nikolaj along and buys Mac a cute little bucket and spade and the four of them build a really epic sandcastle while Amy gets a rare chance to peacefully catch up on some reading. They paddle in the sea a little, Mac clinging to Jake the whole time because the water’s so cold, and Jake snaps a photo of the three of them with ice cream that is definitely lockscreen worthy. Charles even takes the kids for a bit so Jake and Amy can have some precious alone time soaking in the sun.

It may not be perfect – Mac gets very upset when he can’t see any dolphins (which Jake would be disappointed by too, to be honest) and somehow he gets sand absolutely everywhere which he’s definitely going to traipse back into the apartment. But he seems happy, and Amy is happy, and that means that Jake is happy too.

“Did you have fun today, Mac?” Amy asks, wrapping him up tight in his beach towel and trying to brush some of the sand out of his hair. Their little boy nods enthusiastically, his curls bouncing everywhere as he climbs up on to Jake’s lap.

“This is the best day ever!” He says, slightly muffled as he sticks his thumb in his mouth, and Jake’s heart swells. Mission accomplished. He looks to Amy, who’s hair is even shiner than usual as she’s bathed in sunlight, her pretty sundress flapping around her legs. She gets more and more beautiful every single day.

“Hey, Ames, you look like a mermaid.” He says, grinning fondly at his wife. He gently pokes Mac to get his attention. “Doesn’t mommy look like a beautiful mermaid, Mac? Like she could be queen of the seahorses or something cool like that.”

“I know about seahorses!” Mac pipes up, which wasn’t exactly what he was going for but endearing, nonetheless. Camilla and Victor gifted him a book about animals for Christmas last year and he’s been parroting random trivia from it for months, as if they needed more proof that he’s half-Santiago. “They live in the sea and they’re not even horses, they’re fish.” He says matter-of-factly, wriggling in Jake’s lap.

“That’s right, baby.” Amy says warmly, gently stroking his curls and grinning at Jake when their eyes meet. Their kid is going to be the most insufferable know-it-all in his class, and they’re already so proud of him.

“Hey bud, did you see any seahorses in the sea?” Jake asks (He knows it’s unlikely, but it would be super awesome). Mac shakes his head. His face falls for a second and Jake worries that he’s going to have to go on some impossible heroic seahorse quest before his eyes light up again.

“Uncle Charles and Niko caught a crab though! It was all pinchy and angry!”

“Cool, like Sebastian?” Mac nods fervently and Jake grins, humming a few notes of ‘Under The Sea’. He makes a mental note to put The Little Mermaid on as soon as they get home – it’s on theme, has a great soundtrack and won’t make any of them cry too hard, which is a win in Jake’s book.

Mac is squirming in his lap again, so Jake lets him down. It warms his heart watching his son totter about on the sand wrapped in an R2-D2 beach towel, singing ‘Under The Sea’ to himself (except really, he’s just babbling the chorus over and over again). God, he loves this kid. His dad Spidey-senses kick in when Mac bends down to pick up a pebble, though, knowing it’s probably going directly into his mouth, so he racks his brain for cool seahorse facts to try and distract him.

“Hey Mac, did you know that it’s actually the daddy seahorses that carry the babies around in their tummies?”

“No way!” Mac says, the pebble instantly forgotten, and Jake knows he will never get tired of watching his son learn new things about the world every single day.

“Uh-huh.” Jake nods, and for effect, grabs a nearby beachball and stuffs it under his T-shirt while Mac laughs. “What do you think, little man? Would I make a good seahorse?”

Mac shakes his head, grinning toothily. “That’s silly, daddy.”

Jake smiles proudly – he may be pretty proud of his many accomplishments as a highly decorated detective, but nothing makes him feel prouder than when he makes the most important, treasured people in his life laugh. “Yeah? Well, I am pretty silly. That’s like, the thing I’m totally best at and have won a lot of silly awards for.”

“And blanket forts! And storytime! You’re the best daddy!” Mac says, running up to present the pebble to him, and Jake gets a little misty. He can see Charles also getting misty out of the corner of his eye, but that’s actually pretty toned down by his standards. He accepts the pebble and bends down to pick Mac up and spin him around, the two of them laughing, and knows he has nothing to be worried about. Not even the world’s biggest seagull could swoop in and ruin this day.

Jake may be a just a little sunburnt, and his grand dreams of an iced coffee river may be unfortunately impossible to fulfil. But he’s here, with his gorgeous, amazing wife and their equally amazing son, and has to admit the beach isn’t so bad. As long as he has his family beside him, any summer in Brooklyn seems pretty much perfect.

[gstqaobc]

CBC THE ROYAL FASCINATOR

Friday, November 20, 2020

Hello, royal watchers and all those intrigued by what’s going on inside the House of Windsor. This is your biweekly dose of royal news and analysis. Reading this online? Sign up here to get this delivered to your inbox.

Janet DavisonRoyal Expert Fact, fiction and The Crown

The last time Arthur Edwards took a photo of Prince Charles with Lord Louis Mountbatten, the heir to the throne had his arm around his great uncle. Similarly, Mountbatten had his arm around his great-nephew. They both seemed to be in fine form that day, not too long before Mountbatten lost his life to an IRA bomb in the summer of 1979 off the coast of Ireland. "They were laughing together," Edwards, the longtime royal photographer for the Sun newspaper, recalled over the phone from the U.K. this week. The recollection came to mind as controversy swirls over the newly released Season 4 of the Netflix drama The Crown. The show takes viewers into the reign of Queen Elizabeth, with the latest season moving the action into the 1980s. In the first episode, Mountbatten is seen just before his assassination writing a letter to Charles saying he could bring "ruin and disappointment" on the Royal Family with his pursuit of Camilla Parker Bowles, who in real life is now Charles's wife but at that time was married to someone else. There's no evidence — again, in real life — that such a letter was ever written or that Charles and Mountbatten quarrelled before he was killed. It's just one of many moments in the latest season that have set off debate over how fact meets fiction in the award-winning drama created by Peter Morgan. "Many people will think it's the truth ... but it's not," said Edwards, who snapped his first photo of Charles feeding sugar to his polo ponies in the mid-1970s, just after he'd left the Royal Navy. "Much of it … comes out of a scriptwriter's brain, which I can understand because … it's drama.” What bothers Edwards, he said, is the portrayal of Charles. "I've worked with him now for over 40 years, and I don't recognize that man in it." And therein lies a challenge of turning history into drama. "Certainly, in every season [of The Crown], there's a blend of fact and fiction, but it stands out in Season 4 because we are getting closer to the present day," said Toronto-based royal historian and author Carolyn Harris. Because so many in the audience will have their own memories of how what is portrayed in Season 4 turned out in real life — how Charles's marriage to Diana, Princess of Wales, collapsed in spectacular fashion, for example — there is perhaps further potential for the controversy now swirling. "It's always a challenge with historical fiction that the people who are being portrayed do not know what's going to happen next, but the audience ... does," said Harris. In some instances, the episodes present events that played out in the public eye and reflect the historical record. "An example is that engagement interview where Prince Charles famously said, 'whatever in love means,'" said Harris. But there are many other examples of events being fictionalized or put together to create a narrative. Take Michael Fagan's break-in at Buckingham Palace, a focus of Episode 5. That actually happened, in 1982. He breached security and made it to the Queen's bedroom, where he spoke to her. "But Michael Fagan describes it as a very brief conversation before he was arrested, whereas for the purposes of the series, he has a more extended dialogue about [Prime Minister] Margaret Thatcher's politics in order to tie this event to the series's critique of political developments while [she] was prime minister," said Harris.

CBC Archives: The leadership fracas that forced Margaret Thatcher from power

Edwards worries, however, that people will believe The Crown's version of what happened when Fagan broke into the palace that night, which isn’t true, with its portrayal of a longer chat with the Queen. "That's what really irritates me," he said. And he remains troubled by the thought that the portrayal of Charles, pilloried for a bad marriage, doesn't reflect the driven and hard-working man he has seen up close, whether he is visiting and offering support to schoolgirls in northern Nigeria or the Jewish community in Krakow, Poland. "You won't see that on Netflix." Edwards went with Charles when he returned in 2015 to the site of Mountbatten's assassination. "I watched him … and he was remembering it." As aware as Edwards is of The Crown, he has stopped watching it.   "You've got to remember it's drama; it's not necessarily the whole truth."

Just let loose and dance Peter Morgan may be the creative mind behind The Crown, but in the current season, at least one moment playing out on the small screen came straight from the actor. At one point, Diana — played by Emma Corrin — dances by herself with wild abandon inside a very well-appointed room at Buckingham Palace — or in this case, a stately home filling the role of the palace where Diana went to live after her engagement to Prince Charles was announced in 1981. "It was one of my favourite scenes to film," Corrin said in a recent interview with the Royal Fascinator. "I loved it because they wanted to choreograph it, and I said, 'Do you mind if we don't ... I don't think we can choreograph a moment like that. I'd love to just let loose and dance.'" So she did, and she chose the song that was blasting over the speakers during filming, a bit of musical time travel to 1998, and Cher's Believe. Corrin's love for the song dates back a few years. "There's a theatre company in Britain called DV8, and they do this show called The Cost of Living, and there's an amazing dance scene," she said. "A guy does this dance to Cher's  … Believe…. It's like the truest form of expression I've seen." In Corrin's research for the role, she was surprised to learn how important dance was for Diana. "It was quite a private thing," said Corrin. "You see her dancing and what that does, how that is such a mode of expression and release, and I thought that was really interesting."

Looking ahead — and looking back

Every so often over the past few years, there have been rumblings about whether Queen Elizabeth, now 94, might step aside from her role as she gets older. And as soon as those rumblings emerge, other royal observers are quick to note how that is unlikely for a variety of reasons, including the dark shadow cast by her uncle's abdication as King Edward VIII in 1936, her deep devotion to duty and how she has always considered her role as one for life. So it wasn't too surprising to see that scenario play out again in recent days when one royal biographer suggested Elizabeth might "step down" when she turns 95 next April. But soon after, there was also a very strong signal from Buckingham Palace about looking ahead in her reign. The first plans were announced for celebrations in 2022 to mark her Platinum Jubilee, or 70 years on the throne. It would be an unprecedented milestone — no British monarch has reigned as long as she has. In the United Kingdom, it will culminate in a four-day bank holiday weekend in early June. Oliver Dowden, the British culture secretary, said it would be a "truly historic moment" worthy of a "celebration to remember," the BBC reported.

Royally quotable

"Let us reflect on all that we have been through together and all that we have learned. Let us remember all victims of war, tyranny and persecution; those who laid down their lives for the freedoms we cherish; and those who struggle for these freedoms to this day."

— Prince Charles,

during a visit to Germany

to attend events commemorating its national day of mourning, which focused on British-German relations this year.

Royals in Canada

While members of the Royal Family have made numerous trips to Canada over the years, The Crown hasn't turned its dramatic attention to them yet, even though the show has featured several foreign visits.

"It's a shame," said royal historian Harris, because during Queen Elizabeth's reign, "there have been some very interesting Canadian tours."

Sure, there's been a brief glimpse of a Canadian flag at a table during a Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting portrayed in The Crown.

"But we don't see Canada assuming a prominent role, whereas the series has had at least three tours of Australia," Harris said.

One episode in the current Season 4 focuses on Charles and Diana's 1983 trip Down Under. Shortly after that visit, Charles and Diana came to Canada. Had that been portrayed in The Crown, it would have backed up a developing theme, Harris said.

During the visit, Diana celebrated her 22nd birthday on Canada Day.

"There's press footage of Canadians giving Charles birthday cards to give to Diana, and a scene like that would have supported the theme of that episode of Charles feeling overshadowed by Diana," said Harris.

Edwards, the Sun photographer, was along for that trip, and has been to Canada about 15 times with members of the Royal Family.

The 1983 trip lasted 17 days and was "fantastic," he said. "It was just brilliant. I can recall it like it was yesterday. We criss-crossed the country."

During the opening of the World University Games in Edmonton on July 1, the crowd sang Happy Birthday to Diana.

"The whole crowd. It was phenomenal," said Edwards.

Harris sees potential plotting for future seasons of The Crown possibly playing into how the series has portrayed foreign visits so far.

"We see a stronger Australia focus, and it's certainly possible that the 1999 Australian referendum [on the monarchy] may come up in a subsequent season so some of this may be building towards that.

"But definitely in terms of the Commonwealth, certain nations are emphasized more than others in the series."

Royal reads

1. Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip

celebrated their 73rd wedding anniversary today

, and a photo was released of them reading a card from their great-grandchildren. [CBC]

2. In a rare statement, Prince William has said he

welcomes an investigation by the BBC

into circumstances around the controversial Panorama interview his mother, Diana, Princess of Wales, gave to Martin Bashir in 1995. [CBC]

3. Meghan, Duchess of Sussex,

did authorize a friend to talk to the authors of Finding Freedom

, a biography of her and Prince Harry that was published his summer, court papers say. [ITV]

Cheers!

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GSTQAOBC 🇨🇦🇬🇧🇦🇺🇳🇿