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st3f13ily · 2 months ago

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SILENT OBSESSION

First point of view, girl (reader) pov, boy pov, yandere, obsession, love obsession, hate obsession.

𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘

The first time I saw him, he didn’t even look at me. But that didn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat.

I was 14 at that time, the time I started to despise him.

But I was 10 when I first loved him.

He was always hard to approach due to the many girls surrounding him, and his friends always with him. I never got the time to talk to him alone. Never got the time to let him see me.

Until one day, where my perspective of him change.

It was raining heavily at that time. He was there waiting...

It was my chance to finally talk to him. Alone. Where no one could disturb us.

Before I knew it, I was already right beside him giving him my yellow umbrella. "Here," I said as I stared right through his eyes.

He is finally looking right at me.

I controlled myself as I smiled at him. "It's raining heavily, you should take this so you can go home safe and dry." I was glad I didn't stuttered.

Just please take it, just take this umbrella as I make my first memory of us interacting and you finally accepting me.

But he just gave me an unusual look and mumbled a sound "tch" and went away.

I wanted to cry at that time.

But I didn't.

I wasn't sad, I was furious.

I ran through the rain as I clutched my bag tighter than ever, my other hand gripping the umbrella handle as I built up my anger towards him.

That's when I figured out that he was untouchable, distant. The heir to a multi-billion-dollar empire, the kind of guy who walked through the school halls with an air of quiet authority. He wasn’t loud or boastful like the other rich boys. He was silent, controlled, and utterly intimidating.

And I used to have the biggest and dumbest crush on him.

I figured out that girls like me are the ones he will never notice. I was just another face in the crowd, an average girl in a sea of students who all probably blended in his mind.

And ever since that embarrassing scenario that day, I barely even tried to catch his attention because, well, what would be the point? He didn’t talk to anyone unless necessary, especially girls who doesnt even have a higher status. And I had never seen him smile. If anything, he seemed bored by the world around him, like everything, and everyone was beneath his interest.

I started making friends at the age of 15. I was afraid at first cause of that one-time mistake of mine.

Until the age of 17 when I found him there.

Sitting around the corner, writing notes in his notebook, looking charming as usual, and I'm now in the same class as him.

I used to have the same class as him in kindergarten until we were separated into different classes at the age of 11, making him not my classmate anymore.

But now, I'm stuck with him again.

And I hated myself for stealing glances at him. When I passed him down the hall or from feeling a little lightheaded when our gazes almost—but not quite—met. But that was all it was.

It was just a harmless stupid crush I had on him that already went away. But why do I still feel my heart is still beating when he is just a few feet away?

I guess that harmless crush is dangerous after all.

Later on, I just learned to accept that a little part of me was still not over him.

But of course, I still despite him.

Then strange things started happening.

At least, that's what I told myself.

The first time was when one of my classmates, started talking to me more often. He was friendly, sweet even, and I thought maybe—just maybe—I’d move on from my silly feelings for him. But then, overnight, that guy who started talking to me started avoiding me. He wouldn’t even look in my direction, and when I finally asked him if something was wrong, he muttered something about needing to focus on other things and walked away.

It wasn’t just that classmate of mine. Anyone who showed the slightest interest in me suddenly changed their mind. As if something or someone was stopping them.

Maybe I'm just not that lovable, that everyone would just move on from me or reject me.

But I know I'm worth it. My friends love me, but I don't know if maybe someday things will change and they might leave me as well.

𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗜𝗩𝗘

I had no idea.

No idea how long I’ve been watching her. How many times I’ve traced the shape of her name in the quiet darkness of my room, repeating it like a prayer. How many people I’ve erased from her life for daring to get too close.

Sometimes, she would look at me. And it's both a blessing and a curse.

A blessing cause I crave her attention more than air. A curse because the way she looks at me is nothing compared to the way I look at her.

It drives me mad, that she only looks at me when necessary. It drives me insane when she laughs at the others who don't even deserve to hear her voice and laughter. It drives me crazy, that she used to have the biggest crush on me, and even today, I know, I know she still has that feeling, but she is willing to change her feelings, she can afford to change her feelings and it might fade, to look at me one day and move on. Making her love in her eyes disappear but only hatred will remain unfazed.

But I can't, I've tried, our lord knows that I have tried.

But the thought of anyone else having her? It’s unbearable.

So I make sure it doesn’t happen.

I make the obstacles in her life disappear. I ensure that no one even thinks about claiming what’s mine. They don’t know it, and neither does she, but I control everything.

And one day, she’ll realize it.

One day, she’ll understand that she belongs to me.

I still remember that day when she handed me her yellow umbrella.

And the start of her hatred towards me.

It had been raining that day.

Not the light, gentle kind of rain but a relentless downpour that drenched everything in sight. I had forgotten my umbrella—not that I cared. I was used to enduring things alone. No one would dare approach me, and I preferred it that way.

But then she did.

She appeared beside me, holding out a bright yellow umbrella, her smile warm and genuine.

"Here," she had said, offering it like it was the most natural thing in the world "It's raining heavily, you should take this so you can go home safe and dry."

I stared at her. At the umbrella. At her outstretched hand.

She's beautiful.

I mean—why should I take it?? How will she even get home then?? I already called my driver to pick me up. She should have it instead of giving it around.

She has a lovely smile, wouldn't want that to be replaced by a frown when she gets soaked.

I shook my head.

Tch, why would she even help me? She will get soaked. Doesn't she know that I can just call my driver when I don't wanna walk? But then again, I almost walked every day cause my friend always wanted to go somewhere walking, after school, and it was a good stamina build.

Or maybe she just doesn't know me.

I walked away not even noticing that when I was thinking about those, one word slipped through my mouth.

I turned around as I remembered I could just take her home, my driver was almost here. But there she was, I watched her run off into the rain, clutching her bag, her grip tightened at the umbrella handle, and something inside me twisted.

Then a few days later. I kept seeing her around.

That's when I remembered that she used to be in the same class as mine at elementary.

Then one day, at the age of 15, I was walking past the school garden when I heard it.

𝗔 𝗹𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵.

Not just any laugh, her laugh.

It was light, soft, and completely unguarded. A sound is so pure, so full of warmth, that it shattered something inside me.

I turned my head, and that’s when I saw her. She was standing beneath the cherry blossom tree, laughing at something her friend had said, the sunlight catching the strands of her hair. Her eyes crinkled at the corners, her expression so full of life.

And I—

I couldn't move...

Something inside me cracked, twisted, 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱.

I had never been interested in anyone before. I had never cared. But at that moment, I needed to hear that sound again.

I needed to make it 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗲.

From that day on, I started watching her. At first, it was subtle, just a glance, just noticing where she sat in class. But it wasn’t enough. Soon, I memorized her schedule. I started taking different routes just to cross paths with her. I followed her after school, always keeping a safe distance.

She never noticed.

I made sure of it.

And because of that, I figured out she used to like me but then hated me.

That's when I also figured out that she misunderstood that day when it rained.

I just don't know how to express my emotions, ok.

But that was ok, cause at least she still felt something for me right?

It was the ok cause, even though she still hates me now, I'm quite happy cause she used to like me. I'm glad that she still feels something for me even though it's just hate. I'm delighted that she rather feel hatred towards me than nothing or be bored of me, cause that would be sad now, wouldn't it?

But then at the age of 17 I was now in the same class as hers.

Cause I made sure of it.

Then I realised, that she might still hate me, but she still has feelings for me. I noticed how her face lightened up a bit when we bumped into each other in the hall, I noticed how she kept glancing at me but then realised that she was supposed to hate me.

I'm so happy.

That I even watched her more than before.

The more I watched, the more worse it got.

I started hating the people around her. The boys who made her laugh. The friends who got too close. Every time she smiled at someone else, a sharp, ugly feeling curled in my chest.

And that classmate of mine who got too close to her, that classmate of mine who considered me as his 'friend' talking to her with hearts in his eyes.

Yeah, his done.

That’s when I realized—

It wasn’t just curiosity anymore.

It was 𝗼𝗯𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻.

And I make sure that she is only mine.

I sit at my usual spot by the window, pretending to be uninterested in everything.

But my eyes flicker toward her.

She’s sitting with her friends, smiling softly as she listens to them talk. She doesn’t know I’m watching. She never does.

Her friends are being so luckily unfair.

They get to feel her touch, get to hear her voice, and to look at her beautiful face.

I think it's time for them to give her to me and get away from her cause I think it's my turn now. It doesn't matter anyway that they are handing her to me.

After all, they were being unfair.

𝚃𝚊𝚐: @p1z-d0n7jud6em3

More of this:

His Obsession Came First

His Name

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brainrot-jikan · 8 months ago

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im not the biggest alhaitham/kaveh shipper (because im a rare pair ho) but it seems to me that in alhaitham/kaveh getting-together fics tend to be... unequal.

the beautiful thing about alhaitham and kaveh is that they're both equally right and equally wrong and equally dicks about it. but the writers for alhaitham/kaveh much more frequently seem to give alhaitham the burden change (the burden of the character flaw) instead of kaveh.

in any good character arc, the main character has a fatal flaw or misconception, and by the end of that arc they have addressed that flaw in some definitive way. scrooge was a scrooge and learned that being that way was detrimental; merlin from finding nemo was overprotective to a fault and had to learn that he couldn't (and shouldn't) control everything and to let go; the wolf from little red riding hood learns that you should stop while you're ahead.

stories centering around romance tend to lean heavily on character arcs, which makes sense. and since romance generally requires two individuals to be vulnerable and open and emotional with each other, it makes double sense that alhaitham/kaveh authors zoom straight into alhaitham's lack of emotional vulnerability.

this bothers me.

in society, individuals are expected to experience and present emotions in a specific way. if someone dies, you cry. if someone smiles at you, you smile back. if you're at a party, you're supposed to be having fun. if you don't do these things, you're seen as impolite at best and a inhuman freak at worst. when these behaviors are frequent it's often viewed as emotional immaturity, or a lack of ability to feel at all. the inability or lack of willingness to conform to societies emotional expectations of you is seen as a flaw and a reason for exclusion.

alhaitham is canonically disliked and avoided for being the way he is. he prefers it this way, but that doesn't mean the people perpetuating this avoidance are in the right. they are the societal pressure to conform that alhaitham blows off. alhaitham could be the way he is for a lot of reasons: avoidant attachment style, trauma, following someone else's example (eg. his grandmother), or just his base personality. it doesn't MATTER. he is the way he is. kaveh having to accept that should be part of the story.

putting the burden of the fatal flaw on alhaitham, making the way alhaitham treats kaveh and the people around him the problem, feels invalidating. it implies heavily that alhaitham's way of interfacing with the world, alhaitham's very SELF, is incorrect. my suggestion is to flip a larger portion of that burden onto kaveh. kaveh 👏 character 👏 arcs 👏

some examples/recommendations:

- make kaveh project his insecurities onto other people but especially onto alhaitham; he's overly reliant on other people for his own self worth, and he perceives alhaitham's lack of positive feedback as a direct reflection of how alhaitham feels about him. but learns along the way that alhaitham doesn't hate him, kaveh's actual struggle is with hating himself and being unable to his own self as worthy of love. maybe throw in how you are responsible for your own recovery, other people can help but you can't rely on them to carry you through self actualization.

- or, kaveh tries to make alhaitham behave more like a "normal" person, to be more pleasant and emotive and forthcoming, and then realizes he's in the wrong for trying to make alhaitham into something he's not, possibly for all the wrong reasons (not because he likes alhaitham better like that, but bc society says that's healthier and a better/more conforming way to be)

- or you could go ahead make alhaitham's issues the main problem but they're too complicated to overcome in a short period of time, so kaveh has to accept alhaitham is doing his best in his own way and not push for unrealistic and unhealthy changes. he could alter his own behavior to give alhaitham space and time and a safe place to land.

that got sappy so it's past time for me to dip out. go forth and ship things; but maybe consider letting alhaitham be a rude stone-faced bastard if he wants to be.

#genshin #alhaitham #kaveh #alhaitham x kaveh #kaveh x alhaitham #kavetham #haikaveh #fanfiction #fandom discussion #meta post #i finally used a readmore are you proud of me #as an avoidant attachment girlie alhaitham is my oshi #pls just allow him to not emote #let the man vibe #i feel certain there must be a real word for the concept of... socially enforced emotional conformity #unrealistic societal expectations and for your inner world which is none of their business #but i sure couldn't find it #if anyone has any words for this pls let me know it's kind of killing me #anyway #i get so mad when the avoidant attachment coded character is forced into (independently by themselves) the arc of:#i realize now that my way of interfacing with people is wrong and bad. yay! i will change that immediately for the big emotional finale #like! with what therapy!!#and why is THEIR world view the incorrect one!!#i have seen fics where it was all a big misunderstanding and actually alhaitham loves kaveh deeply #and kaveh just has to get over his insecurities and understand alhaitham's love language or whatever #and sure. good effort.#but i feel like a lot of those fics aren't very accurate to alhaitham's character #they're retrofitting alhaitham's core personality to better suit the traditional romance narrative #i also think part of the problem is that alhaitham is a pov that's divorced from regular emotionally well adjusted people #and it's difficult to understand or write povs that are drastically different from your own

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