#alexs thoughts 🌿

[austars]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ 2/22 - 11:45 pm

thinking about rafayel, who’s lover finally learns about their past.

"...you did that?"

Rafayel's words were dying on his throat. He truly, genuinely, had no answer to your question. How could he possibly explain why he did it?

More importantly, how could he explain himself for hiding it from you all this time?

It was a complete accident. Something that wasn't supposed to happen. He requested that you grab his newest paints, the ones he stored in the cabinet in his studio. They were in the front, far away from it. So how did you end up reaching so far back, enough for your fingertips to graze the shell?

He had no answers for that part. All Rafayel knew was that his wife froze at the cabinet. Your shoulders were tensing and your breath was short when he turned to glance at you. He stumbled out of his stool, immediately rushing to your side.

"No no no.." He whispered, grabbing the shell from your hands. "It wasn't supposed to be now. Come on honey, snap out of it!"

When you came back to, your eyes were wide, merely staring back at Rafayel. He dropped the shell, left completely speechless in front of you.

The truth was out. Rafayel couldn't hide this time.

"Rafayel.." You whispered, bringing a hand to gently carress his cheek. "Why would you.."

"It had to be done. I would have lost you if I didn't." He finally says as he clasps his hand over yours.

You shake your head, looking down as tears start to form. "But everything you had! Your life, your people, your home.. all of that is gone because of-"

"No."

Rafayel held you as the two of you fell to the floor. He cradled your head close to his chest as you gripped his arms like a vice, praying it was all some ugly dream. Praying that what you saw wasn't real.

But it was real. Rafayel had given you his heart at the alter, effectively destroying his whole life and his favor with the Deep Sea.

His voice was soft, soothing even. "It wasn't, and never will be, your fault. I gave you my heart on my own terms, all because I love you, my beautiful bride.”

"But what about Lemuria?" You finally question, glancing up at him. "You could have protected your people properly! Instead you-"

"Hey hey, it was my choice." Rafayel is quick to interupt you. "Lemuria's fate is my burden to carry, not yours. I will happily bear that weight if it means I get to have you by my side."

There's a heavy silence that hangs between the two of you. Rafayel doesn't say much, just some small "shh's" as he gently rubs your arm. The memories are still slowly flooding back in waves, the small details at least. But the longer it gets, the more you remember.

Then comes the dreaded question.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Rafayel's movement halts as he tries to formulate an answer. The truth? He wasn't prepared for all outcomes. What if you grew angry with him for what happened? What if you couldn't handle it and left him as a result? Every possibility of you leaving in the end was something Rafayel couldn't bear to face.

So he sighed, gently kissing the top of your head. "My love, every time I played out this conversation in my head, it ended in our marriage being ruined. I couldn't bear that thought being reality."

"But this.." You say, raising yours and Rafayel's intertwined hand. "This is reality. I don't condemn you for what you did, not at all. I vowed to remain by your side, no matter what."

It was like a huge weight had been lifted from Rafayel's chest. Sure, all the hurt will still be there. The nightmares will still haunt him. The hardships will hit him like a wave. The memories of betrayal and heartache will always be lingering in the back of his head.

But this time, his beloved can know every detail. You can truly help him through it all; help him feel as though he made the right choice. And that's worth more than being the Sea God to him.

So that night, while your asleep, Rafayel gently plays with your hair, smiling to himself.

"My heart is yours, my dear. In every universe, in every timeline, my life will be dedicated to you and only you." He whispers, sealing his promise with a gentle kiss to your head.

heavily inspired by this post on twitter by user @/sovereignsylus. go check out her stuff :)

© property of austars 2025, all rights reserved. please do not redistribute

[rene-spade]

miss louisiana i | c. leclerc, a. saint mleux | chase landry

poly! | fem! reader x obsessive! exes! charles leclerc, alexandra saint mleux (+chase landry and f1 grid)

synopsis. your obsessive exes refuse to accept your new relationship with a man completely different from them. maybe they should move to louisiana? jk!. . . unless?

note. ok so reader is from louisiana and has cajun roots for context. chase landry is from swamp people 😭✌️ I loved that show when I was younger & I rewatched some recently and it reignited my crush on him sorry

WARNING(s); obsessive/possessive behavior, toxic/creepy exes (I make is as fluffy as I can tho trust), ooc Alex and Charles being a rich and out of touch, a spec of classism, stalking oops, (everyone Loves you)

miss.y/n📍belle river, la

liked by charles_leclerc, alexandrasaintmleux, jacoblandry, carlossainz55, and 1,006,349 others

miss.y/n back where I belong ☀️🌷🐊🐝🐍🌿🐠

view comments

mariene.y/l/n be safe in the water my baby 🤗

miss.y/n yes maman 🤞😊 you know I’m protected

user oop who’s protecting you miss ma’am

user omgggg how did Charles n Alex fumble so baddd 😩😩🙏 I’ve needed y/n’s cajun french baddie ass since DAY ONE 🗣️

charles_leclerc so beautiful mon ange 😍 but that water is dark and might be dangerous. ta maman a raison!

see translation | your mom is right

user stopp didn’t y/n break things off with them???

user2 currently losing it my fav throuple might be back 💪🗣️

carlossainz55 hope you’re doing well mi dulce ❤️

alexandrasaintmleux yeah no this isn’t happening

user carlos sweetie delete this comment while you still have hands <3

user SHE’S BACK IN LOUISIANA RAHH

user2 how did I not know she was from the middle of nowhere 😭 what is pierre part??

user3 how didn’t you know!!! her dad literally used to hunt alligator before he died and her mom remarried and moved back to France . Her dad was cajun

user this might be a reach but y’all think she knows anybody from swamp people? Love that show 🤣🤣

liked by miss.y/n

♤ ♤ ♤

♤ ♤ ♤

Alex’s leg bounced up and down nervously as her call went to voicemail for the 7th time in a row. She’d been calling your phone nonstop since hearing the news, anxious to know if it was true or not. It was always something that ate at her; her and Charles’ inability to relate to your childhood in Louisiana. They’d grown up among a higher class than you and in foreign countries. You would just giggle and wave off her concerns, insisting that even though they couldn’t understand your upbringing, that at least you could understand theirs.

“No answer.” She muttered, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip. It was a habit she’d had as a child, one that you disapproved of and had trained out of her before you left them.

“She left us for a swamp man.” Charles pathetically finished Alex’s thought as they sat in his car, waiting to meet some other drivers and wags at the high-end restaurant Carlos chose.

“Don’t say it like that!” Alexandra turned her body towards the passenger window, “She didn’t leave us— not in that way! I told you she was homesick!”

Your father was a Cajun man who definitely took his culture to heart, doing a lot of hunting and fishing before he passed away suddenly when you were 12. Your mother was from France originally, and she remarried a rich Frenchman who’d ended up funding your modeling career after your success in pageantry. You moved straight to France at age 14 and found yourself in a completely different culture from how you grew up. You’d visited France before during summers with your mother, but it wasn’t home to you like Louisiana. You’d met Alexandra when the two of you were 19, and instantly bonded. Despite only really meeting briefly, it was love at first sight on Alex’s part and she supported you all the way to when you won Miss Universe after starting out Miss Louisiana.

When Charles had come along and had the same feelings that she did for you, it felt perfect, like everything had finally come together.

“With us is her home.” Charles replied, sucking his teeth.

“I can’t even—” Alex didn’t have to finish, the two had the same thought. They can’t even fathom the idea that you were with someone else.

x

Daniel was practically cackling in joy while Carlos at least tried to hide his amusement by covering his face. It was no secret that most of the f1 grid was praying for you to leave Charles/Alex so they could get a chance— but this wasn’t what they were expecting.

Bickering around the table ensued, only a few seconds before Alex was rolling her eyes with a groan and putting her face in her hands, “He doesn’t have any recent social media so I can’t even stalk him.”

“So we will just go there!”

“And what? Become swamp people?” Daniel was laughing so hard he was tearing up.

“Cha, that’s so ridiculous.” Alex mumbled.

“It is—!” Kika agreed suspiciously fast, “I just mean the split was recent, so maybe me and Pierre should visit her before you guys?” It’d only been a few months, but that had been enough to drive Charles and Alex a bit off the rails.

They’d only ever been apart from you for just over two days in the last year, up until you ghosted them. Well— it wasn’t technically ghosting when you left a note; a very brief letter in your familiar handwriting that told them you needed some space. They didn’t take it as a break up, although they did panic. Their numbers weren’t blocked, so they naturally took that as a good sign. This was probably because you wanted their attention since all their calls and messages were going through. The finality of it didn’t hit until it reached two weeks of no-contact from you and their photos were removed from your Instagram. The public noticed and so did the rest of the grid despite Alex and Charles’ now 3-month-long denial stage.

“le lieu s'appelle Pierre Part, yeah?” Pierre grinned and Charles sneered at him. (the place is called pierre part)

“They might have a point,” Daniel winced with a wide grin, “I think you’ll just look crazy if you show up. At least, one of us would just look like a friend who misses her, ya know?”

“None of you are visiting our girlfriend!” Alex frowned.

“Ex,” Carlos gently corrected into his fist with a cough before straightening up, “She jus’ is homesick maybe so give her some space and she will come back in no time.”

“I knew this would happen.” Alex slumped with her chin in her hand, “cet endroit est sa maison.” (that place is her home)

“You’ve never heard ‘if you love something, let it go’? If it’s meant to be, she’ll come back.” Daniel tried to reassure, but his face was almost a wince.

“We just wanted her close to us is all! We travel so much, we didn’t mean to take her away from her home—”

But Daniel gave them a look, knowing about their behavior with you. As in love with you as they are, Alex and Charles are intense about it. Endearing on one hand for awhile, but then the jealousy got worse and they were pretty delusional about their tendencies. He could understand it honestly— you were lovely. He imagined he’d be in the same state as Alex and Charles if you were his and you left him. Which is why he cut them so much slack, the rest of the table too.

“I don’t understand why she ran away like that!” Charles finished with a huff, running his fingers through his hair. He was starting to sweat. This felt like a cruel joke on your part— a mean way to get their attention.

“His ears are a little big.” Alex whispered, staring into her phone with a pout.

“et cela! regarde nos oreilles!” (and that! look at our ears!)

Pierre lost it at that; Charles pulling at his ears to make a point, “Maybe he’s just a nice guy, man!”

“We are nice!”

“Let me see.” Carlos walked around the table to see Alex’s phone.

She’d googled the name of your alleged new boyfriend— Chase Landry. He had starred on some Southern US reality show ‘Swamp People’; it mainly surrounded cajun alligator hunters in Louisiana. They had known you liked the show, but had never seen it themselves.

“Eh,” Carlos shrugged, “his ears aren’t that big. He is a little old for her though, no? 34?”

“Exactly! He is a pervert! I’m calling her again, actually.”

♤ ♤ ♤

♤ ♤ ♤

miss.y/n 📍pierre part, la

liked by jacoblandry, carlossainz55, francisca.cgomes, danielricciardo, and 1,014,108 others

miss.y/n me and my dirty swamp man foreva 🤞💛🌷🦆

view comments

user STOPPP SHE SAID THAT’S MY MAN N IMMA STICK BY HIMMMM

user2 stfu 😭✋ the fact that this man most likely has no idea that this is going on

user3 his brother liking her posts and filling him in

miss.y/n jokes on y’all Jacob doesn’t know what’s going on either

bellahadid beautiful lily faery and her dirty swamp bf <3

miss.y/n <3 literally

user BELLA⁉️

arthur_leclerc beautiful view of the water, ma sœur!

see translation | my sister

user THEY SENT Y/NS FAVORITE LECLERC BROTHER IN TO PLAY DAMAGE CONTROL

user2 not “my sister” 😭😭😭 leclercs let her go challenge

user y/n’s harem coming to her defense like the mighty morphin power rangers 😭😂🤣

x

this is part 1 of perhaps 3. I plan on making part 2 much longer and more writing than social media like this one, just for some balanceee

taglist; @alliwantisadonut @splaterparty0-0 @charizznorizz

Ren

[ludmilachaibemachado]

November 8th 1968 - John and Cynthia are divorced🌻🌻🌻

On Nov. 8, 1968, John and Cynthia Lennon's divorce became official. It brought to an end a tumultuous romance that included courtship, marriage, childbirth and infidelity -- all within the growing shadow of Beatlemania🌱

Lennon met Cynthia Powell in 1958 while both were attending the Liverpool College of Art. "He was a real scruff, a real teddy boy. He looked as if he would punch you as soon as look at you," Cynthia remembered during an interview with journalist Alex Belfield. "He ended up in my calligraphy class and he didn't want to be there."🌹

Even though she initially dismissed Lennon as some kind of troubled rebel, Powell was won over by his musical talent. "Everyone else had gone for lunch and I was trying to gather my pens," she reminisced about one of their school days. "He sat and played 'Ain't She Sweet' right through, and I looked at him and I thought, 'That's for me."🌿

Via Beatles and Cavern Club Photos FB🌼

[l00na24]

I Got Your Six - Chapter 6

Warnings: PTSD (very brief appearance), Anxiety

Word Count: 11.5k

A/N: We're back :D This time with a huuge one thanks to me not being able to keep the intro as short as I wanted and just couldn't cut the entire thing for reasons... you will probably see why 😅

Enjoy reading! 😋

29 Minutes later, 7:01 PM, Brazil

After I don’t know how many miles because I eventually stopped counting, we finally reached the place we agreed to meet. It seemed an eternity away with how long the drive still was until we were there, not helping my thinning patience at all.

I couldn’t remember the last time when I was so on edge than right now and I hadn’t even met them yet. Every nerve in my body was literally on fire and my stress level past every limit already, like we were on a mission completely gone out of control. For those who knew me absolutely no good conditions for a confrontation like this, especially with my past. But I covered it with the masquerade I had improved to perfection, to hide my rapidly diminishing confidence and all my previous accumulated anger turning into an even faster rising anxiety with each passing second. I wouldn’t let anyone see my weakness.

When our vehicle came to a slow stop, I wished we would have had at least still hours to drive instead of being here. Not making an effort to move when the three boys exited, I drew in shorter breaths and flinched slightly when I heard the car doors closing. My head coming up with something I thought I had buried a long time ago only to surface in the worst possible moment.

Loud shouts, motor sounds, car doors opening and closing with a bang from the force, the movements of a car…

Shit. I couldn’t get a panic attack right now. I’d get through this, whatever it took. It’s just a job like any other.

Lying to yourself won’t help you.

It was far from it.

Willing my breathing to even out a bit and shaking my head to get rid of these unnecessities, I opened my door and got out after I had unbuckled my seatbelt. The men of our team were patiently leaning against one side and the hood of the car, giving me the needed time until I was ready to make the first step.

As soon as they heard me leaving the last temporary safe space I’d get for tonight and shutting my only opportunity to escape, their eyes shifted to me. Ignoring the discomfort it caused, I tried to act totally unfazed by the very situation I had tried to run from for all these past years because I knew I couldn’t face it.

The truth was: I was scared shitless. How they would react, how they would look at me, what they would say, if they would do anything at all…

With an unusual hesitation I forced my feet step for step forward, fighting with all the strength I had left against the impulse to run away yet again, but with the significant difference it was amplified at least ten times more now than before. An unmistakable red flag of my body I was about to cross a line I shouldn’t, under no circumstances.

You can’t always run away. No one will come to help you, this is alone YOUR own fault.

It was an open secret that my boys could see right through the false facade I had put up and the smallest movements I made, from the uneven rise and fall of my chest to my fingers starting to nervously twitch and shake.

🌿���🌿

Sensing the waging battle the girl of their group was fighting with herself internally when she followed soundless behind them, Alex wanted nothing more than to put her out of this agony she carried with her for far too long. Hating to see the various indicators written all over her and being forced to helplessly watch how it continued to destroy what was left of her, if there even was still something. He had enough about pretending that everything was ‘okay’ when they could see it clearly wasn’t. Not this time and not now in this absurd situation they had been thrown in.

Normally he was the person instilling fear on his enemies but right now he felt it creeping up his spine and every thought went in circles around the most important question: What if this broke her for good? If she wouldn’t recover from this?

There was no way in hell he would let that happen, Alex owed it to his best friend he had known since childhood to protect his girl and be there for her. Maybe he wasn’t doing it entirely for him if he was honest but a little for himself too… but this wasn’t important right now.

The top priority was to shield her from the possible damage these five people could cause. And he’d do everything in his power to make sure of it. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt her even more than she already had been.

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to…” Our group halted when Alex turned around to me, gaining the attention of his brothers beside him and mine. The care on honest display, unfortunately for him, hit a nerve because I couldn’t stand it in my current state, not able to accept it.

“You can’t protect me from everything!” I blew up at him with a hateful glare before he had fully ended, the pressure I was under mixed with my anxiety getting the best of me and announcing itself in an uncontrolled outburst. Immediately regretting my reaction, I cast my sight downwards to avoid the result edged on his face. I didn’t intend to strike right the point I knew would hurt him the most but it was my natural defense mechanism kicking in.

“Sorry.”

They shouldn’t care about me at all and they shouldn’t hold onto me so much like they did, trying with everything they had to keep me off the ledge I was continuously seeking. They deserved everything but me. If I wasn’t here, they would probably live a happy life and their best friend would be still alive. I never wanted to drag them down with me in this hellhole but fate obviously had a different opinion, wanting to punish them for not giving me up and yet none of the boys did even consider it in the slightest. How could they be so foolish?

Sometimes these three were too smart for their own good, the cracks in my defense visible to them as if a light would make me stand out to call out my false play.

It took not more than a short exchange of their sights to have the same thought.

“Come ‘ere.” Mick spoke up and beckoned me with a hand gesture over to him, spreading his arms to the sides in the process.

Not sure what he aimed to accomplish with this, I stood there a little baffled while I contemplated what I should do and trying to gauge his intentions behind it. I was in no mood for any kind of empathy.

“You really wanna leave me hanging here?” He asked when I still hadn’t made a move, pulling up his best sad look and tilted his head with raised eyebrows in hopes it would convince me. He knew exactly what he did. Little shit.

There was nothing I hated more than to see them sad or hurt, especially if it was because of me and if he had gambled on that, his plan was working.

Reject him. Don’t. Give. In.

Letting out a huff, I came to him and put my arms hesitantly around his body. Laying the right side of my face carefully on his chest, assuming he offered himself for a hug.

“See? Isn’t that bad, is it?” Putting one hand on the back of my head to stroke it slowly and the other respectfully on the side of my waist with the utmost care to not place it too far backwards to keep the lines in which I allowed them to touch me.

I couldn’t deny his simple gesture was actually relaxing my nerves a little bit.

“So… we all know I’m not good with this emotional stuff but…-” Mick began after a moment, only to be cut off by Luc.

“Horrible is more accurate.” He corrected him with a smile directed toward me, making a little wink at the end.

“I’m trying to cheer her up, dude! Can you not butt in?” The man currently holding me to his large body retorted in a fake offended tone before he continued, focusing back on me.

“Where was I? Ah! Right, as I was saying… regardless what they say or do, it will not change anything between the four of us. You have my word, okay? Forever and always. Like we promised, little wolf.”

At the mention of the nickname my gaze shot up in lightning speed till it met his, my face blank. I could feel him tensing up a bit, probably because he wasn’t sure how I would take what he said and if he was overstepping a forbidden boundary.

I hadn’t been called this term in literal ages, but it was engraved in my brain for eternity. The very name he had used to tease and mock me in the beginning or when he made fun of me or… to express his affection between the lines.

Mick felt my hold tighten slightly and took it as a good sign, also since I hadn’t pushed him away from me yet, which was very likely to happen at any given moment depending on what he would do. The odds for it happening were even increased given the situation, so he had to navigate his every move very carefully if he wanted to avoid this scenario and ruin everything.

“Remember what he used to say? ‘The strength of the wolf is the pack.’ And we’ve been one ever since you came to us. That’s exactly what we gonna show them. We are all standing behind you on this and won’t leave your side.” It wasn’t a common occurrence of somebody making me speechless but right now Mick had managed to do exactly that. I had forgotten how good with words he actually could be if he wanted, reminding me not to underestimate his diplomacy skills similar to Luc’s.

But what was a pack without its true leader?

The ‘goofball’ out of the four, as she had so fittingly named him after his best and also worst trait, couldn’t watch her struggle any longer. If he could take the smallest amount of weight off her she carried, he would do it without a second thought and give her some air to breathe to keep her from drowning.

He had made it his personal mission straight from the start, but even more so after the tragic loss they had suffered - especially her, to preserve and keep that spark inside they had seen in her. Even if it was through the faintest hint of a smile, real or not, all effort put in was worth it regardless. And whatever he or his brothers had to do to stoke those flames their former leader had ignited in her, they would be there to keep them alive, 100%. They would keep her alive.

That’s why he was the self-proclaimed backbone of the team, with his ever positive and lively personality but also blunt directness. Always a cheeky comment on his lips to lift the mood of the situation and his teammates. He was the unmatched motivator out of them, despite his comical and non-serious, or what some people called annoying, appearance. The lightness he carried with himself a huge benefit for everyone when they needed it, as well as his seemingly unlimited energy that had been equal with their captain’s, after their girl had enhanced it in Vic.

“You know, you could at least pretend I’m doing a good job here.” Mick whispered lowly to me, attempting to convey his message inconspicuously, so nobody would notice but being caught red handed the second he opened his mouth, not acting suspicious at all of course.

“Feel the fear, let it be your friend and it will guide you. Don’t be afraid of it.”

It didn’t take long till I couldn’t tolerate his hug any longer, retreating myself from his embrace without a word when he got the hint and reluctantly withdrew his arms to give me space. The second person close to me I disappointed in a matter of seconds. I could make a world record with this.

“You’re right. Let’s show them that no one fucks with us.” I said when I had brought some distance between us and walked past him down the way leading to the bar. Letting them know I was done talking.

🌿🌿🌿

Mick blinked a few times in her direction, not quite sure if it was the reaction he had been aiming for. He had believed he had done everything right, had been careful enough, well, maybe he shouldn’t have mentioned the last part, but how fast the situation had taken a complete turn and his well-meant support ricochet back left him dumbfounded. He should have been used to it by now since it wasn’t the first occasion this happened, but none of them probably would ever get used to her unpredictable, fast-switching duality from one moment to the other.

“You only wanted to help, she knows that. It’s not on you.” Luc followed his friends’ gaze to the back of their girl with concern in his narrowed eyes. His sneaking suspicion, he had hoped would prove itself wrong, turning out to be true more and more. There would be nothing they could do to prevent the inevitable if it was what he thought, from his knowledge all the signs she had shown pointed to it so far. Her more frequent, sudden mood changes out of the blue, the tension and nervousness in her body language, her touchiness in general, as well as most importantly, she shared way more physical contact with them than she would under normal circumstances. And this fact alone was more than worrying.

🌿🌿🌿

“Let it fulfill you.”

It had been the most terrifying lesson a certain person taught me, but it gave me the needed courage to fight back my anxiety as best as I could for now. To use it as a weapon instead of being used by my fear.

I hadn’t been on an endless amount of battlefields, ran too many times into hails of bullets, put my life on the line for enough people that weren’t even worth it, had made friends with death more times than I could count, ended lives without giving a shit about them and the amount of blood I had on my hands and hadn’t done unspeakable things, only to be brought to my knees now by the very men of my old team.

Nobody in the entire world would ever get me to break the one holy oath I’d die for before desecrating it: I wouldn’t kneel for anyone. Only my enemies will.

Entering the area of what I presumed was an outside bar, the first thing I did was carefully assessing the place. Spotting not much besides a lit-up area on the right looking like a combination of a bar and a market stall with two people sitting at the back of the bar and the barkeeper standing behind the counter. Regals full of various bottles lining the wall behind him just as a multitude of vegetables and fruits on the ground on the opposite side. Whoever would buy these things in the middle of literal nowhere.

To my left the actual bar, built on a wooden construct and a stairway on the right with some fairy lights hanging from the edge of the roof to give this shady appearing place a more trustworthy look. Its height and a fence made of thin planks of wood allowing to overlook the whole area from each table.

And then a car parked in between. The same car we had seen not too long ago.

Its sight alone making my stomach churn and heighten my senses to full alert. Not wanting to give it any more attention than I had, I kept moving forward while making sure to stay close to the bar to avoid getting noticed just yet from above.

As if on queue when I had crossed over half of the way, loud laugher from multiple people suddenly filled the air that instantly stopped me when I jerked away from the sound of the familiar voices and stripped me of every false confidence I had managed to gather up. Feeling the anxiety skyrocketing but also shifting into a mix of fierce anger and hatred directed at myself because I couldn’t even do the simplest thing. I was so pathetic.

“Is this all you got? Do you give up that easily?”

“Stop being so mean to her, Vic. Can’t you see she’s trying her best?”

“Trying is not enough, we’re not in kindergarten here. Do it better!”

My nails dug themselves into my palms at the memory.

Movement in my periphery snapped me back into the present, registering Luc, Alex and Mick who had walked past and blocked my way with their bodies. It was so unnatural to see them this tense, especially about the awaiting situation, both their posture and faces didn’t have the usual relaxedness I was used to and it stressed me out even more.

They were ready for battle and wanted to make sure I was too with this silent conversation between us before they would allow me to continue. My very last chance to back out of all this.

As always, the first nod came from Mick, shortly followed by Alex and then Luc, giving me their affirmation that they were only waiting for my “Go”. It was like they had known I had exactly needed this to give me the drive to move on and spur the wolf to get ready to pounce.

With the encouragement through my team, I took the time to take in a long, deep breath to gather myself before I gave them my confirmation with a firm nod of my head and sharing a last sight with each other for assurance about our next step.

Our engineer decided to take the lead as ‘the first line of defense’, Luc taking the second position after checking me up and down with his scrutinizing gaze before he left Alex with me who was waiting until I got going too before he went ahead last.

I couldn’t thank them enough for not forcing me into another verbal conversation and instead choosing the option that conveyed so much more than any word ever could and taking a bit of the pressure from me to have to express myself.

🌿🌿🌿

Just when we had reached the stairway, I came to a halt and looked upwards.

You finally get what you wanted…

Please be with me. I need you, I can’t do this without you.

Accepting I couldn’t delay the confrontation I had wanted to avoid ever since any longer, I forced myself to tear my sight away even if every fiber in my body resisted doing it. The emptiness I continuously felt came crashing down like a tidal wave above me without mercy, pushing me back under far out of anyone’s reach to the place I just couldn’t get out of no matter what I did. The very place I had never wanted to be in again after I was shown how it was to touch the sky on the other side. Until I got pulled back under and buried at the bottom with no life left to fight for.

Three sympathetic smiles were directed at me when I looked to the stairs in front, noticing a hand stretching out to me in the same moment. First I wanted to refuse Alex’ gesture but thinking for a second about it, what a bitch I was earlier and what it meant that he was still showing how much he cared about me when he offered to be the anker I could ground myself on – knowing what it took for me to even make this step – I didn’t have it in me to deny him.

Without much protest I reciprocated his gesture, feeling the warmth of his skin seep into mine and giving me some safety. The smile on his face stretched a tad wider when he had my physical assurance I wouldn’t shut him out again and let him help, returning it with his own and brushing a few times over my hand. We are here. You are not going through this alone.

“Don’t jump at each other’s throats.” With a quiet but steady voice I gave them my permission to engage, steeling myself and shoving all emotions in the dark corner where they belonged.

A quiet snort escaped Mick’s lips, conjuring a grin about the irony of my words. There were only two ways this was gonna go, either war or peace. There was no in between.

And knowing my boys, they wouldn’t even let them anywhere near me - not that I wanted it anyway.

I could only hope for the best and that they could control their temper because I would fight tooth and nail for those three and protect them with my life no matter who I was up against.

If any of my ex-mates dared to pick a fight with them, they had to survive the feared wolf first and then things would get ugly very fast – for them.

Let’s not get started if they found any of my triggers…

Before my thoughts could come up with every possible scenario, I chose to distract myself with something way more important, to check I had everything covered I didn’t want them to see while we were slowly ascending the stairs step by agonizing step. Making sure my braided ponytail was hiding most of the unmistakable, angry red scar on the right side of my throat before everyone’s eyes and my two necklaces were concealed under my black shirt. Going lower till the waistband of my jeans in the same color to find my gun and knife in the places where I had put them, ready to use in case anything should happen.

The grip on each other’s hand hardened when we reached the end and entered the bar, sharing a tight squeeze while we walked one after another in a row. All my senses automatically zeroed in on this very moment, making it almost impossible to keep up the mantra I was telling myself over and over.

I can do this. I can do this… I can… do this… I-

I stayed as close to Alex as I physically could to hide myself behind him in hopes it would give me more time until they realized who I was.

The paralyzing fear I had tried to fight in vain before came stabbing me in the back harder than ever and turned my body against me. Feeling like someone was squeezing my throat so tight I could barely breathe. Every step forward being at least a hundred backwards for my strength and self-confidence which had been so laboriously built up. My muscles moving on their own despite the weight manifesting on my feet.

“FIGHT! FIGHT BACK!!”

“Vic, it’s ENOUGH!”

“You’re so pathetically weak…”

Not daring to take a look from behind his back, I kept facing away from the scene to not cave in now and show everyone present how weak I indeed really was.

The atmosphere shifted as soon as we had stepped foot into the place, the one before a storm was about to break lose any minute with us in the epicenter. The hot and cold signals my body was sending me together with the humid climate didn’t do me a favor at all, the sweat clinging to me grossing me out and I wondered why Alex hadn’t let go yet and didn’t seem to care about the stickiness of my hand.

Was he regretting being here? Was he rethinking his choice of agreeing to this? Was he already hating me for dragging them into things they didn’t have to do anything at all with? Would they leave me as soon as we were done here to deal with my past alone? Were they only still with me because they thought they owed it to their dead friend?

What was I doing here? I should have never suggested this mission. What did I thought it would do? I should have ignored this god damn letter. I wasn’t supposed to even be here. Why couldn’t I just go back??

“Y/N?”

The moment my very name shot through the silence like a bullet, the chaotic whirlwind of thoughts was gone and I instantly froze into place. Not making any movement and praying I was mostly hidden for them, so they would hopefully ignore me thinking they had mistaken me.

But luck – fate – wasn’t on my side as always.

Of course they wouldn’t give me more time.

I couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer. It was over.

As slowly as I could I moved around, the hold on me tightening while I revealed myself and shared a fleeting glance with Alex who had his eyes already on me from over his shoulder.

I had to do this now. I wouldn’t cave.

I couldn’t run away anymore.

My pulse accelerated with every passing second and the only thing I wanted was to disappear, desperately clinging to my anker.

It was never meant to happen like this. In fact, it was never meant to happen at all if I could have helped it.

Forced to face the five men from my past after so many years spent to run from them, I hesitantly looked in their direction and deeply regretted it when five sets of eyes found mine. Bringing back up everything again, first and foremost the day I had left them.

Ben, Will, Santiago, Frankie and Tom were also brought back to the fateful events leading to the loss of the most important part of their team at the sight of the person they had never expected to see ever again before their very eyes…

🌿🌿🌿

8 years ago…

5:09 AM, Central America, Nicaragua

Moving uncomfortably around on the chair he was sitting in, Ben woke slowly from his sleep, stretching his limbs and blinking a few times with his eyes. It wasn’t definitely the best idea to try to sleep on the piece of furniture that was too small for his large body.

Noticing the room was still dark, he guessed it was still night, maybe close to early morning.

Trying not to be too loud and wake the other person in the room with him, he tried to shift into a more comfortable position and ease his muscles up he could feel hurting already from laying in this awkward position for probably a few hours.

Ben’s eyes automatically went straight ahead to the bed in front of him, checking if their girl was sleeping soundly under the covers he draped over her before he took the first shift of watching her. That in case something happened or she had a nightmare, one of them was there to help. Just in case. They would make sure they would be there this time.

Still mostly asleep and wanting to close his eyes and turn around again to get a bit more sleep, he listened for anything that would indicate a nightmare or that she wasn’t okay but the room was silent and he also couldn’t make out any violent movement on the bed through his half closed eyes. He was nearly off to sleep again as a thought hit him like a lightning strike.

The bed was empty.

His blue eyes shot open wide and his body followed, nearly tumbling to the floor in the process from jumping abruptly out of his seat in his sleeping but now wide awake state.

The dirty blonde’s gaze shot to the bathroom next, spotting the door wide open and no light shining. Looking back at the bed and trying to figure out if he was dreaming or not.

“Honey?” he asked in his rough and raspy morning voice, waiting for any form of response that never came.

Faster than light he ran over to the switch next to the door and flipped it on. The whole room illuminating and confirming his fear that felt like someone had just poured a bucket of ice water over him. There was no way she was gone.

Frantically he searched the room for anything that belonged to her, like her baggage she brought with her the first day but came up emptyhanded. Nothing. Not a single thing.

Ben had never felt anything like he was feeling now. First the whole thing hours ago and now this? It couldn’t get any more worse, right?

His heart was pounding hard against his chest as he ripped open the door, not caring about anything but her right now and bounding out to the one next to it.

“Guys! Open the fucking door! Wake up!” He screamed loudly, waking the whole hotel in the process.

His knocking only stopped when the door opened and his brother Will was standing before him, not knowing what happened to have Ben this wound up in the early morning hours but already on high alert.

“What the fuck, dude? What’s going on?” Blue eyes already searching each other.

“She’s fucking gone, man!” His little brother was not even waiting a moment to respond.

The opening of another door not far away could be heard and another voice joined them.

“Can you tell me, what you think you’re doing? You’re waking the entire complex, Ben!” Tom’s annoyed voice sounded from the other side of them.

“I just woke up and wanted to check she was okay but she wasn’t there!” Ben explained, making wild gestures with his hands and arms.

“Let’s not discuss this out here, come in.” Will said quietly and gestured with his head to Tom and Frankie to come over in his and Santiago’s room, who followed his request and walked over.

“You better have a good reason for this, hermano.” Santiago warned, sitting on the front of the bed he was previously sleeping till he got so rudely awakened by the young man’s screaming voice.

“We need to go look for her. Something could have happened or what if someone-?” Ben started again but was halted by his brother.

“Calm down, okay? Maybe she has taken a walk or just needed some fresh air.” He suggested, going already over all possible options in his head.

“What is even happening?” Frankie, the only one of the group that still hadn’t really caught on at was happening asked, leaning against the table on the wall and folding his arms.

“Y/N’s gone! That’s what’s happening and all her stuff too!” Benny shouted back, nervously running a hand through his strands.

Frankie’s eyes grew wide at the reply.

“Her stuff too?” He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

“Yes! Like she was never there in the first place!” The dirty blonde said, shifting constantly around on his feet.

Well, a walk was off the table with that. Will grinded his teeth together hard. This was not good, it was far from good actually. The way things had developed in the past hours only increased the boiling inside him further. Not knowing what was going on, being kept in the dark and things happening that were so out of character for the girl they were serving with for years now. Nothing of all this was making sense.

“Okay, we get it. Let’s all not make any hasty assumptions here.” Will tried to reason and keep everyone from panicking.

Santiago shook his head and angrily spoke something while standing up and shuffling around, probably some curse in Spanish.

“What are you doing?” Frankie eyed his brother.

“Getting ready to look for her, pendejo. What else?” He replied back and unzipped his bag on the ground in the corner to get some clothes.

“Fucking finally!” Ben breathed out and was ready to go, not wanting to waste any more time than they already had. Too much in his opinion.

“You can’t just walk out there like this. We’re still on a fucking mission!” Their captain decided to join in on the conversation to remind them that their reason for being here was not a vacation but way more serious and they still needed to be careful even if they were leaving today, or so it was planned.

“He’s right. We don’t know where she is right now and we can’t just aimlessly walk around here. And we also have a flight to catch.” Will backed up Tom’s opinion on their plan, looking around the group.

“What do we do then? I ain’t fucking sitting around waiting if she comes back or not and I don’t give a shit about that flight, I’m not leaving without her!” His little brother was clearly done with talking, his decision what he’d do already written on his face.

“If she left, someone must have seen her. Let’s try asking around first and see if we can find out anything that will help, okay? She couldn’t have used the car because I still have the keys, so she could’ve only left by foot or a cab.” The other Spanish man in the room voiced his thoughts to the group, trying to intervene before it escalated into a more heated argument.

Everyone looked at each other for a moment, exchanging looks before Tom nodded and straightened his position.

“Alright. Let’s get ready and meet downstairs in 10 minutes.” He confirmed with one more look around them before starting to move toward the door with Frankie and Ben in tow.

🌿🌿🌿

Not needing the full 10 minutes to get ready, the group met 5 minutes later in the lobby of the hotel.

“So what’s the plan now?” The younger Miller wanted to know, already scanning the environment around them in search of their missing girl.

“We split up and try to ask around. Stay in the building, we’ll meet back here in 20.” Tom explained and everyone nodded as confirmation before they began to split, each one taking a different direction to begin their search.

🌿🌿🌿

The Minutes passing by and still no success for each of them, Ben stormed annoyed past the lobby a second time. Huffing from the frustration that grew bigger by the second. They needed to find her. Right fucking now.

“Excuse me? Are you looking for something?” He heard a voice from behind.

Halting his steps, he turned around.

“Yes! Have you seen the girl that was with us when we checked in?” He immediately answered. Registering the female receptionist not far from him now, that was also there when they checked in the first day.

“Yes, of course I did. She paid and checked out already 4 hours ago. Said that someone would still be in her room that was supposed to check out today.” The young brown-haired woman answered politely, offering him a slight smile.

“She- What?!” Ben felt like his legs would give out underneath him at the revelation he just heard and all color left his face.

“Do- do you know where she went?” He choked out, trying to get as much information as he possibly could.

“She took one of the cabs outside but I don’t know where she wanted to go. Probably the airport with the baggage she had with her if you ask me. But that’s all I can give you, I’m sorry.” She elaborated and gave him an apologetic look. Sensing that there was probably a not so nice reason for her leave alone but not wanting to interfere with their privacy.

“That’s enough already, thank you so much!” He thanked the receptionist, turning around and walking a few steps back, tapping his feet impatiently while waiting for the boys.

A few minutes later, the rest of the group turned up at the lobby again where Benny was already burning holes in the floor with his shoes, finally stopping when his brothers came into view.

“She checked out 4 hours ago!” He told them before any of them could ask something.

Not expecting something like this all of them needed a second to process what they just heard. They felt like someone had punched them in the gut.

“Checked out?” Frankie repeated in complete disbelieve.

“Yeah, the receptionist there told me that she paid for the room already too and that she took a cab. Probably to the airport or somethin’.”

“She’d never go alone on a fuckin’ plane, man.” Santiago joined their conversation. Not believing their female teammate would go voluntarily near anything like that because of her anxiety.

“Where else would she go with all her stuff? Another hotel?” The younger Miller shot back.

“You said she took a cab, let’s go and ask the drivers then. I saw some standing outside.” Will said, already turning around to go outside and ask there.

Without protest the others followed hot on his heels, marching out with quick steps and looking for the cabs that waited outside the entrance of the building.

Starting with the first to their left, they moved down the line as a group, asking each driver if they had driven a woman from the hotel somewhere in the last few hours.

Ready to nearly give up, they came to the last one in line. Stopping and repeating their questions for the fifth time now in a matter of minutes, not really believing this one would turn out any different than the others.

“Let me think… hm, yes. I did, actually.” The driver, an older man answered, leaned next to his car.

“Where did you drive her?” Ben wasn’t sure if he should be happy or not, that they at least had a lead where she was now.

“She’s your girl?” The man eyed him questioningly, not sure if he could trust the men in front of him, considering the woman they were looking for seemed to have left them without their knowledge. Normally a clear sign to what this could be leading to.

“Yes, she is.” He answered without hesitation, not needing to think over what he was saying. For him she was and always would be his. No question. She always had been and he wouldn’t let anything change that. Even if he’d never admit it.

Catching the other guys a little bit by surprise upon his answer, they tried to compose their faces, so the man couldn’t see their reactions. All of them knew how Ben was feeling about the only girl in their team, there was enough history between them to tell what was going on. But hearing him saying it out loud, even in a different context, still caught them a little off guard.

“I really hope for you, that you and your friends didn’t do something to her. Otherwise I have to call the police.” The driver threatened them, narrowing his eyes at the group.

“We’d never, I swear! She’s important to all of us and we just wanna know where she went, so we can go and look for her.” Ben answered honestly and looked the man in the eyes with a seriousness you only see when he was in mission mode.

“You’d better. I took her to the airport, looked a bit off and wasn’t really paying much attention, being quiet the whole drive.” He finally told them, adding the little details he had noticed.

The boys exchanged worried and confused looks at that, giving them pause for a moment.

“Thank you, sir. You really helped us a lot!” The younger Miller thanked him and walked back in the hotel followed by the others, making a straight beeline to the elevator.

🌿🌿🌿

“Any ideas?” Santiago asked while pressing the button of their floor.

“Our flight’s supposed to be in 5 hours.” Will informed, always the one in the group to rely on when it came to numbers. Her time missing making his stomach turn more with each second he counted passing by.

“Fuck that, we’re going to the airport now!” Ben huffed, slamming his fist against the wall of the elevator in frustration.

“She’ll be alright, okay? It won’t help if we’re loosing it.” Frankie jumped in, patting his friends’ back reassuringly a few times.

“Fish’s right. We’ll get our things packed up and go to the airport. But there won’t be a guarantee that we’ll get another flight.” The older Miller brother confirmed while stepping out and walking to their rooms.

“We meet at the car in 10.” They heard Tom’s voice in the distance while everyone spread out to their respective rooms, packing up everything in record time.

Before Benny could enter the empty room he carelessly left behind an hour ago, he was stopped by his brother.

“Y/N’s gonna be alright. Whatever is going on with her, we’ll find it out, okay? Everything’s gonna be fine, Ben. There will be an explanation to all of this.” Will came closer and brought him in a tight brotherly hug, holding his little brother to him. Trying to sooth his strained nerves and allowing him to finally break down and let out everything he desperately tried to hold back.

Feeling Benny slowly pulling back, he looked at him intently, not once breaking eye contact.

“Can you help Fish load the car while I get everything sorted with our checkout?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Okay, I’ll see you downstairs in a few.” Will gave him a slight smile and a last pat on the back before walking off to his room.

🌿🌿🌿

After everything was taken care of and their luggage packed in the car in an amount of mere minutes, they were off to the airport.

Under normal circumstances Frankie would drive safely, but their situation was far from anything close to it and he drove a bit faster than he should and “missed” a few stop signs along the way till they stopped after a 10 minute drive in the large parking lot of their destination.

Each of the Delta soldiers was practically jumping out of the car when they were parked, grabbing their things and speeding off, minus Tom, who’s mood had soured over the course of their not planned way back to base.

“She’ll better have a very damn good excuse for this.” He grumbled annoyed while they were on the way through the building, but the rest decided to ignore his comment. There were more important things to be concerned of right now than his pissed-off mood.

🌿🌿🌿

“I’m gonna go over to the counter and see if I can rebook our flight to an earlier one. Maybe someone has seen her too.” Will announced shortly after they stopped in front of a few seats.

“I’ll come with you.” His little brother said and was right beside him in an instant, needing some closeness to him right now to keep him grounded.

Already knowing what was going on, the older blonde accepted his silent request without any protest and gave him a quick nod before walking off together to the ticket counter.

🌿🌿🌿

“Hello, how can I help you?” A red-haired woman in probably her 30’s greeted them with a smile.

“Hello, excuse me but we’re looking for a woman that probably booked a flight here to North Carolina a few hours ago. Have you seen anyone maybe?” Will greeted her.

“Wait, I have a photo of her.” Benny added and took it out of the pocket of his blue shirt, showing it to her.

It was a group photo, made when they were back at base after their first mission together, all of them exhausted but happy and smiling. The boys were standing in a line, arms over each other’s shoulders with their girl in front of them, having the brightest smile on her face they’d ever seen toward the camera. The colonel had taken it for them, being very proud of his best team he had in Delta Force. He had given all of them a copy of it after. Everyone knew from that moment on that they would be a team forever. Ben would never forget that day, would never forget that smile she had back then. The need he felt there to always make her smile like that again.

The woman behind the counter looked at it for a few seconds until she gave it back to him.

“Yes, she wanted the earliest flight when she arrived here.” She answered, remembering her from before.

The Miller brothers shared an alarmed look. She really must have taken a plane on her own, besides her really bad fear of heights.

“Thank you really much for the information ma’am.” Benny thanked her after breaking eye contact and looking back at her with a slight smile.

“No problem. Is there something else I can help you with?” The woman wanted to know and looked at them questioningly.

“Yes, we have a flight that was booked for later. Would it be possible to rebook it to an earlier one?” Will asked and handed her the tickets and his passport to confirm his identity.

“Let me see… yes, the last free possible flight will be in an hour. Will that be okay with you?” The woman said while looking at her computer, typing away and back up when she found something.

“That would be nice, we take it.” Will answered, letting out a breath of relief. Thank god, they didn’t have to wait for hours here or otherwise we wasn’t sure if he could stay calm any longer. He was close to the line he not wanted to cross and didn’t want to risk overstepping it. He needed to stay strong for Benny and the rest of his brothers, be the rock they needed right now, even if it wasn’t easy despite his own worries for their girl and the anger against himself for letting something happen like that. He’d make sure they got on that plane and do everything he needed till they knew she was okay and she was safe. Till he could hold her in his arms again and apologize for what they had done.

“Here you go, just look out for the announcement. The gate is down the hallway and then to your left. Have a safe flight and a good day.” She smiled and handed him the new tickets and the passport.

“Thank you for everything. Have a good day too.” He said goodbye, giving her a fake smile.

“Do you really think she would go on a plane without us?” Ben asked unsure out of nowhere, looking at Will with stormy blue eyes, that grew darker by the second like his brother’s.

The older man wished he would know the answer himself but every information they had gathered so far was pointing toward it. There was no other possible option in this moment. Why did she come here asking for the earliest flight she could get then? It wouldn’t make sense if she went somewhere else and the woman on the counter would have probably told them if she left without taking her new-booked flight. But she’d never go on a plane without at least one of them, hell it was even a thing on its own to even get her to go into it. And now she should have done that alone all of a sudden? Out of nowhere, like it wasn’t bothering her in the slightest and her anxiety didn’t exist? Will’s head started to hurt from all the overthinking he wasn’t able to stop.

“I don’t know, bro. The only thing I can say is, that everything looks like it.” He answered his brother’s question after a short silence with a sigh.

🌿🌿🌿

“How did it go?” Frankie greeted them and searched both of their faces for answers.

“Our flight’s in an hour.” Will answered and handed out the tickets.

“Anyone seen her?” Santiago followed with his question, hoping they’d get more information.

“The woman on the counter said Y/N wanted the earliest flight when she arrived here.” Ben explained trying to temper his mood, lifting his backwards cap to run a hand through his hair and putting it down again.

All of their movements halted and their eyebrows rose comically high on their foreheads.

“Imposible. (Impossible.)” Frankie grunted out in Spanish, not able to hold in his disbelieve any longer at the thought. Turning around with a shaking head while walking a few steps and crossing his arms over his chest.

What made her do that? What was going on with her that she would do something like that? It was so unlike her and in this moment, they felt like they didn’t even know her.

“So, what you wanna tell us is, that she went on a plane all by herself with her anxiety? The same girl that needs at least an hour till we can convince her to get into a fucking thing like that? That would rather walk by foot instead of flying?” The other Spanish man in the group spoke up to voice his thoughts about their newly found out information. Sharing the same feeling with the pilot.

“Look man, I don’t know what the fuck is going on but that is the only thing we’ve got right now and you’re not the only one who thinks how fucked up all this is. All of us know she’d rather die than go near anything that can fly but what if she really did it? There’s no other option what she could have done, otherwise that woman would have told us if she didn’t take her flight.” Will countered with slight agitation in his voice.

“All we can do now is wait anyway.” The captain of the group added and leaned back in his seat.

Not wanting to fuel the tension, the rest of the boys decided to follow Tom’s example and take a seat and wait till their flight would be announced. They’d have 6 long hours ahead of them where they could do nothing but wait and maybe try to get some more sleep.

🌿🌿🌿

8 PM, North Carolina, Fort Bragg

When they arrived back at the familiar soil of the Delta Force base 6 hours later, they didn’t know what bomb would be waiting there for them, ready to leave a devastation in its wake none of them could have been prepared for.

“Look who finally decided to join us!” Deryll piped up smiling upon seeing the missing Delta soldiers returning, still on the security shift with his best friend Marc.

“Did they jail your asses in that airport?” Marc joined his friend, greeting the boys laughing and giving them a wave with his hand.

Quick hugs among the men were exchanged, giving each other a pat on the back.

“The fuck are you talking about?” Ben asked afterwards, not knowing what they meant.

“We were worried we had to take care of your girl now.” Mark continued with a wide grin on his face.

The group of five exchanged confused looks for a moment. Knowing they were clearly missing something here.

“You better watch your mouth, hermano.” Santiago threatened him with a serious gaze.

“So you’re letting her fly on her own now, hm?” Deryll threw in while also grinning at his friend across.

“What is this all about?” Tom asked, having enough of being kept out of whatever this was.

“You’re joking right?” Marc said, still amused over the reaction of the men in front of them, not believing their seriousness.

Another round of looks among the boys was exchanged.

“No, we’re not. So would you mind telling us what’s going on here?” Ben spoke up, making his point clear that he wasn’t joking.

That took the two security men by surprise. Sharing a weird look with each other.

“Y/N said there was an issue with your flight, so she took the earlier one when she turned up alone here a few hours ago and we asked her about you.” Deryll explained, his smile slowly fading.

“An issue with our flight?!” Will repeated, making sure he heard correctly.

“Yeah, why?” Marc confirmed it almost in an instant, getting serious now too upon their reactions.

“Where is she?” The younger Miller brother butted in, his voice growing more desperate and serious.

“Calm down man, she’s somewhere in there.” Deryll told him, making a motion with his head toward the entrance of the base.

“Was talking and joking around with us when she arrived here, so no need to worry, dude.” Marc added to his friend’s comment, hoping it would ease up the sudden tension.

“This just gets better and better.” Tom commented sarcastically, shaking his head heavily and running a hand over his face.

“I don’t know what you’re on about but get your asses in there and look for yourself if you don’t believe us. We’ll see you later.” Marc said, crossing his arms now and opening the door for them.

“Yeah, shouldn’t keep your girl waiting!” Deryll shouted after them as loud as possible with a laugh after they walked through the entrance.

“The fuck was that?” Frankie asked confused as they walked through the base toward their bunks.

“Don’t have a fucking clue.” Will replied, shaking his head at him and shouldering his luggage a bit higher on his shoulder.

“Whatever it was, I don’t like it.” Benny commented quietly and mostly more to himself, clenching his jaw.

“We should probably teach them a lesson next time if we get a chance.” Santiago added, letting his sight wander around the base.

“There’s time for that after we reported back to the colonel. Drop off your stuff and meet at the colonel’s office.” Tom ordered and broke off to his bunk when they reached them.

“Yes, sir.” All of them said in unison before splitting and going to their own.

🌿🌿🌿

A few minutes later, the boys met in front of the building the colonel was in.

“Let’s get this over with.” Tom sighed and walked in first, followed by Will, Santiago, Ben and Frankie.

The group stopped again at his office, waiting patiently while Tom knocked a few times at the door.

Being beckoned in with a “Come in!”, they all entered and shut the door behind them.

“They finally let you go, hm?” They got greeted by Colonel Sanders, standing up from his chair and nodding at them. Motioning for them to take a seat if someone wanted but all declined his offer, making themselves comfortable while standing next to each other.

“I’m sorry?” Tom asked, surprised by his greeting.

“I heard about your ‘flight issues’.” The colonel elaborated, closely observing his boys.

Their once blank faces changed slightly at that and of course Sanders noticed it right away. There was something wrong, just like he had supposed before.

Standing there in silence for a very long moment, he decided to continue.

“I guess by your reactions that there weren’t any, right?”

The Delta soldiers didn’t quite know how to respond, not knowing themselves what this was all about.

“No, sir?” Ben decided to speak up but actually cringing at how it sounded.

“I thought so. You’re here to report back then?” The colonel answered, walking away a few steps from his desk, his gaze still fixated on them.

“Yes, sir.” Will confirmed, giving him a nod.

“Is there anything you wanna tell me first?” Sanders carefully asked, straightening his position and eyeing them more intently than before.

The boys’ faces immediately fell when they thought back to what they had witnessed in the smuggler’s hideout.

“There was a little ‘incident’ when we cleared the hideout of the smugglers.” Tom answered, trying to not make a big deal out of it.

“A ‘little incident’?!” Ben shouted out angrily and glared at their captain, not believing how he could downplay so easily what they actually had seen.

Colonel Sanders heard enough to know it must have been something really serious, for Ben and the others to act like this.

“Y/N didn’t tell me anything when I asked her. So I wanna know from you what’s going on.”

“Where is she?” The younger Miller asked with worry in his voice, ignoring the comment from the colonel and only thinking about their girl in this moment.

“None of you is leaving this office before someone has told me what the fuck happened on your mission!” Sander’s voice grew louder, making it clear how serious this conversation was and catching the guys off guard by the tone of his voice.

“We… don’t really know.” Frankie answered after a moment, looking to the ground with a guilty expression on his face.

“You don’t know?!” The colonel repeated, not knowing what he should think about it.

“We had cleared the building up to the 6th floor and were checking the 7th. Everything looked clear, we even checked it twice each but then she told us to hold our position because she thought it was not clear. We were convinced that the floor was safe too after checking it multiple times and decided to move on despite her warning and not responding through her com anymore. We got to the last floor without any problems or encounters on the way. There were just a few more guys and our target on the last one that we took care of. After making sure we were done, we headed back down where we were coming from and then… we found her on the floor below.” Will explained cautiously, fully knowing what the colonel’s reaction would be.

“Found her?” Sanders calmly asked, hating where this was going.

“She… was just laying there… with all those bodies and the blood around the floor.” Ben tried to get out, the same feeling he had back there, creeping up his body and making him sick to his stomach again.

The older gray-haired man in the room tried to keep his composure upon hearing the revelation, going back to his chair and needing to sit down for a moment.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He trusted his boys with his life, they were his best team for a reason. How could they let something like this happen?

“When we got to her, we immediately checked if she was alive and if she had any serious injuries but we found nothing. She only had an anxiety attack and a complete breakdown right after but besides that, she physically was fine somehow. Only a slight scratch on her throat. She slept through the whole drive back to the hotel, where we took care of her gear and cleaned her up a bit since she and her clothes were completely soaked in blood. After, we decided that each of us would take turns to watch her till the next morning to make sure she was okay. Ben woke us a few hours later in the middle of the night, saying that she was gone. That’s all we knew until we tried to find her. We decided to ask around for her in the hotel first and the receptionist informed us that she had paid and checked out already hours ago and took a cab. So we asked some of the drivers outside if they had seen her and one of them said that he took her to the airport, so we went there next after we got everything sorted. My brother and I went to the ticket counter to try and ask for her, which turned out positive. The woman explained that she had been there, wanting the earliest flight when she arrived. That’s everything until we landed and went straight back here.” The older Miller continued his report, making sure to tell everything he knew and lowering his head with an almost pained look.

Now her behavior made at least a little bit more sense but still didn’t explain why she not wanted to be with them anymore.

Colonel Sanders let out a heavy sigh, folding his hands in front of him, trying to think about the best way to tell his boys what their girl had requested from him.

A deathly silence settled over the office until he decided to speak.

“I… have to tell you something.” His gruff voice already a bad omen, sounding like he was about to tell them about her death.

The rest of the men in the room all immediately picked up on the sudden change in his voice, not being used to that kind of tone but already feeling fear creeping up their spines. Not able to say something.

Sanders looked around at each of them before continuing. Making himself ready to drop the already ticking bomb over their heads to explode.

“She requested… to be moved to another team. Immediately.”

Right as the last word had left him, Benny nearly lost it completely. Clearly not expecting anything like this.

“What?!” It was the only word he was able to choke out before he felt his legs nearly giving out under him. He felt like someone had forcefully ripped his heart right out of his chest and left him to die.

His brothers didn’t take it in any different, the ground having been pulled away from right under their feet quite literally. Each of them taking in a sharp breath and needing some support from the wall behind them to keep them upright on their feet. Frankie and Santiago grabbing their caps and lowering them slowly from their heads in front of their bodies.

“This… is all just a bad joke from you and her to get back at us for what happened, right?” Ben tried to convince himself, denying this could be actually true. There was no way in hell that she actually had meant what she said.

“Do I look like I’m joking?” The colonel asked him, his expression unchanged and the same seriousness in his voice than before.

“No…. no, no, no, no, no! That’s- that can’t be…” The devastation was crystal clear in Benny’s voice. His mind completely blanked. He didn’t know what to do with what he had been told a few seconds ago.

All of their faces had turned deathly pale, completely drained from their color in a matter of a second. None of them knew what to say, what to do with that information. They just felt like someone had shot them straight in the head. Never once had any of them even thought about the one impossible thing happening.

“Why?!” The younger Miller screamed and sank on his knees to the floor with tears in his once bright blue eyes that were now swallowed whole by the same darkness that crept up inside of him in that very moment.

“Did… she say anything?” Will didn’t know how he managed to get any words out right now but somehow, they left his mouth without fully registering it.

Colonel Sanders left another heavy sigh and hung his head, knowing full well how his Delta boys must be feeling right now.

“I can’t tell you anything more than this. I’m sorry.” He apologized, hating to have to keep the promise he had given their girl.

“This must all be a mistake! This can’t… be…!” Ben continued sobbing, not being able to hold in his emotions any longer and starting to hit the ground with his right fist he had curled so tight, he could feel the nails digging in his palm and drawing blood.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t have to tell you this.” Sanders apologized again, not knowing himself what he could do to be there for them.

“Where…? Where… is she?” Having released some of his anger, Ben looked up at the colonel, tears still running down his cheeks.

“I don’t think this is a good idea right now.” The colonel sighed, knowing they probably all wanted to see her but it wouldn’t lead to something good until they at least had cooled off.

“I don’t fucking care! I wanna see her right fucking now!” Benny screamed again, raising suddenly with lightspeed to his full height with his completely shaking body.

Before he did anything he’d regret later, Will was by his side and tried to hold him back and appease him.

“Ben. You need to calm down.”

“No! How can you even stay so fucking calm after this?! Do you even fuckin’ care at all about her?!” His little brother knew fully well that he was crossing a line with this that he shouldn’t but his emotions were all over the place and he couldn’t think straight.

It was the last thread that Will had been hanging on the entire trip back. He couldn’t restrain himself any longer and finally snapped too thanks to his little brother accusing him of not caring for their girl, that was way too precious to him as well.

“You really think, I don’t fucking care about her too?!” He wasn’t able to control his rage anymore, that had been building up gradually more and more inside of him in the last minutes.

Santiago, Frankie and Tom snapped out of their paralyzed state when both of the Miller brothers were about to charge at each other. The look in their eyes one, that promised nothing but death and destruction. But before anything could happen, they intervened. Frankie grabbing and holding back Ben with all his strength and Santiago did his best together with Tom to keep Will separated from his brother.

“You gotta stop, hermano. It’ll be okay. It’ll be fine.” The pilot reasoned with him, looking him dead in the eyes.

“Stop! It won’t help if you jump at each other’s throats! You know that!” Santiago on the other side tried to get through to his friend, knowing he was the more reasonable one of the two right now.

“Enough!” Before anything more could happen, the colonel raised his voice loudly enough to get the attention of all.

“You can be thankful that this has no consequences because of her! Y/N defended all of your stubborn asses with her life when I asked her about what had happened! She even said that it wasn’t your fault!”

His statement felt like another heavy punch in the gut for the boys. Coming back to their senses again, Ben and Will looked guilty to the ground and stopped fighting against the hold of their friends that loosened their grip on them when they felt them relaxing.

None of them dared to say another word, feeling like absolute shit. So the older gray-haired man took it upon himself to continue and try to soothe them at least a little with his words, even if it wouldn’t help the deep gaping wound each of them now had inside.

“Do you think it was an easy decision for me? You think I don’t know how you feel right now too? I tried to convince Y/N to think about her decision at least for a day but she insisted and I can’t deny her that. But we all know that this girl would go through hell and back for you. She’d do anything for her possible to save your asses from whatever mess you drag yourself into. So please try to accept her decision and give her some space and time to think about it. I know it’s a lot right now but you can’t change anything about it in this moment. Go to your bunks and get some rest after all you’ve been through in the last hours. Give yourself some time to process everything and try to stay away from her for the time being. I will keep an eye on Y/N until she decides that she wants you back, you have my promise.”

The boys knew he was right, rationally. But emotionally this whole ordeal was a completely different thing. Especially for Ben, not being able to be with her, hear her voice he loved so much and could listen to from day to night and her laugh that would make his entire day when he heard it, feel and touch her soft skin on his and assured him that she was there with him, to see her smile and knowing it was because of him. All of it had been violently ripped away in a matter of seconds. He never wanted to be a second without her, always wanted to have her by his side and being reminded that someone cared about him, that she was happy and safe. Ben didn’t know if he was able to live without her, how he was supposed to continue from this.

The colonel stood up from his seat and rounded the table to give each of them a long hug, letting them know they weren’t alone in this.

“I’ll see you back here in the morning.” He said and walked back behind his table, watching them as they slowly made their way out with hanging and defeated postures. None of them capable of more than a nod as goodbye.

They went back to their bunks and waited…

…for 8 long years.

A/N: The flashback part had been sitting in my drafts for ages ever since I wrote it along the first chapter of this fic because I wasn't sure when it would fit nicely into the story or if I even wanted to incorporate it at all. But I'm excited to share it with you now and hope it was a good choice to place it here and shed some light to what actually happened from the boys' side of things! 🥰

Buckle up because we are about to go down the rabbit hole! 😎

If you enjoyed feel free to reblog, like and comment! 🥰

Masterlist

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[rakija-farmer]

Hello! This post contains all that is needed to know about this blog, please read this carefully! Everything to know about the character for this blog is Below the cut.

I am the brains running behind this blog. My main account is @athesists with an nsfw blog under the name of @notmyjukebox. I do vet the followers of my nsfw blog religiously. Do not fuck around and find out it on there please. I will vet followers on this blog too.

This blog is rated 18+! Please do not interact with me if you are not 18+! Thank you!

I do plan on posting adult content to this blog because my character is an adult! I do not have a specific age yet, they are somewhere around 21-23 years old.

My tags that I use are as below. They will be updated with time.

#mod talks -> me talking

#mod thoughts -> my thoughts

#cannon to sdvoc -> headcannons/cannon happenings

#not cannon to sdvoc -> shitposts/miscellaneous posts

#athesis speaks -> in character talks

#athesis’s dirt -> in character thoughts

#athesis’s life -> in character events

#athesis’s art -> images drawn by me

#from the camera -> images not drawn by me

#the photoshoot -> commissions I paid for

🌱🌿🪴🌾

Hey y’all’s. Welcome to my blog. I’m here for a good time, not nothing crazy. Married to Alex on Spring 20/2024. I’m the very clear favorite of Evelyn and George. I got a dog named Lulu and a very successful farm. I love my cows, chickens, and Goat very much. They are my babies.

If y’all’s want any tips for the farm let me know, I can provide. My grandads Dedo’s old book has some real useful tips in it. Just send me an ask? That’s what Emily told me lets people submit questions. She helped me set the blog up and explained it to me.

Also: properly fuck Joja mart. That company is TERRIBLE.

[pacifymebby]

Under the Mistletoe

for the anon who asked "we know miss groupie has a no kissing rule but how would she react if she was caught under the mistletoe with each of the boys..."

Van

🍬 You know they're both going to be god awful to one another right...

🍬 She'd probably get her mischief on here, lick her lips, look up at the mistletoe between them and say "oh..."

🍬 She'd try to lure him in, her fingers playing with the collar of his shirt... He'd be getting a little bit nervous, heart racing because let's face it the lad wants her...

🍬 She sees him swallow the lump in his throat and she teases him, biting her lip, making a point of glancing between his eyes and his mouth, as if she's actually considering it...

🍬 She'd even lean in... If anyone else was watching they'd be on the edge of their seat too actually wondering if she was really going to do it...

🍬 But just as her nose knocks against Vans, just as his breath catches in his throat, just as hers skims over his lips she smirks, narrows her eyes and says

🍬 "Kiss my ass loser..." pulls a stupid face at him and laughs.. he has to shove her away and roll his eyes act like he too was only trying to trick her...

🍬 has to kid on that the idea of kissing her repulses him too... "Fuckin hell y/n you scared me for a second, thought I was gonna have call security!"

🍬But everyone sees the way his eyes linger on her as she walks away.

Bondy

🌿 Not the first time they've been caught under the mistletoe by friends who think they need encouraging to make a move on one another...

🌿And has he thought about kissing her before? So many times. Has she thought about kissing him?

🌿 Obviously.

🌿 She'd be lying if she said the thought didn't tempt her... He looks divine as always, so lazy irresistible, so effortlessly alluring... There's something so casual about their attraction to one another...

🌿 She's certain it would be easy enough to do...

🌿 "Careful sweetpea you look like you're thinking about it..." Bondy would definitely be all shit eating grin, teasing her because he knows how badly she's thinking about breaking her rule...

🌿 "Well I'm not risking anymore bad luck doll, not even for you..."

🌿 Would skim the quickest of kisses over her lips stunning her but leaving her smiling softly... She'd genuinely be tempted to pull him back in for another...

Benji

🪽 Absolutely going to giggle about it...

🪽 it'll be Bondy or Larry that points it out... Benji and y/n won't even have noticed and when their mates start giggling she'll gasp theatrically and Benji will copy her...

🪽 they'd definitely just giggle together and then he'd kiss her on the nose and send her on her way... Wouldn't think twice or second guess it...

🪽 "I'm just glad it wasn't Van..." both of them say it at the same time and then burst out laughing much to Van's frustration.

Bob

🦌 y/n has definitely had several racy dreams about snogging this man within an inch of his life so...

🦌when she realises she's stood under the mistletoe with him her heart starts racing...

🦌but Bob is so shy... There's such a thick tension between them you could cut it with a knife and it doesn't help that they've got an audience...

🦌Bobs frozen, his own hearts beating out of his chest and he's struggling to look at her or meet her gaze... Because he knows if he does he won't be able to keep his hands or his lips off her...

🦌And y/ns feeling a little shy herself... Lately whenever she's met eyes with Bob she's been reminded of their night together in his hotel and her stomachs turned to butterflies and her breaths have gone shakey...

🦌 She'd have to be so careful... She wants to get the balance right between teasing him and running away...

🦌she stands on tip toes, whispers in his ear "you owe me..." and as she steps away she kisses her two fingers and then brushes them over his lips.

Alex

🌟 I know there have only been two Alex chapters but I needed you all to know he'd just straight up fuck her there and then under the Mistletoe...

🌟 there'd be neck kisses, things would get intense.. he'd trail kisses down her body and get to his knees, push his hands up her skirt, gather it up around her hips and then kiss her through her underwear...

Larry

❄️ would absolutely laugh it off... They've literally never had the desire to kiss before and the thought of sharing a Christmas kiss beneath the mistletoe is genuinely very funny...

❄️ but theyd both consider doing it just to wind Van up...

❄️ they'd lean in and grab each others faces tongues out and making stupid theatrical kissing noises until someone threw something at them (Van) and told them to shut the fuck up

Eli

🎄is weirdly in an almost friend zone with her? Like they're truly in a friend's who fuck kind of relationship... If they kissed he wouldn't think twice about it... He doesn't want to but also doesn't not want to...

🎄He'd probably just kiss her on the cheek and then make a vomiting noise...

🎄 She'd make a Nepo baby joke about how he's too lazy to even kiss her himself... "Need your dad to do that for you too or what?"

🎄"You want me da to shift you?!" Followed by more sick noises.

Sam

🧸 Sam would just be smirking because he knows about her rule and he knows the effect he has on her...

🧸enjoys the sight of her blushing, how shy she suddenly gets when she looks up at him with wide doe eyes and a blush flushes her cheeks a sweet shade of pink...

🧸"What's the matter little one?" He'd ask knowing full well exactly what the matter is... But he'd make her say it, he'd coax her into being the one who points out the mistletoe and how you have to kiss under it or it's bad luck...

🧸 "Oh aye, even if you're a cool girl who doesn't kiss anyone ever?" "Uhuh..." "Oh dear little one looks like you're in for a run of bad luck..."

🧸 But he's only teasing her and when her eyes go even wider, and they get a little teary, when her bottom lip sticks out in a very pretty pout he just chuckles and shakes his head.

🧸"Oh poppet am only messing with you, c'mere eh, come to daddy..." he says wrapping her up in his arms nice and tight, kissing her forehead and letting his lips linger there

🧸 low-key this energy haha

[best-reviews-usa]

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Important Matters!

00:00 - Tonic Greens Review Intro 00:55 - Tonic Greens Official Website 01:27 - What is Tonic Greens Herpes? 01:46 - Tonic Greens Formula 02:07 - How to Use Tonic Greens? 02:35 - Tonic Greens Benefits 02:58 - Does Tonic Greens Work? Tonic Greens Herpes 03:45 - Tonic Greens Guarantee 04:06 - Tonic Greens Side Effects 04:28 - Tonic Greens Reviews Conclusion

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This is a Tonic Greens Review. I hope you enjoyed this honest review.

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The post Tonic Greens Reviews was first published on Flamengo Online Channel.

[justanothertailsfan]

Welcome Fellow Humans/Therians/Furries And More

Hello There, I’m Gwyneth (Nickname:Gwen or Gwendolyn) and I’m a Digital and Paper artist and writer. I’ve just started 2023 on this app and thought it’d be nice for people to know my artwork since the only people who get to see it is Friends and Family. I thought it’d be fun for people to look at my art and I look back at theirs.

About Myself:

Gender: Female 🚺

My GF: @viasmyartist

Age: Still A Minor ✨

Supports: Furries, Gays and Therains 🐾

Species: Therain and weird ass alien thing- ✨

Therotype: Fox 🦊

Zodiac: Taurus ♉️

Season: Summer 🏝️

Food: Ramen 🍜

Drink: Boba Tea 🧋

Dessert: Ice Cream 🍨

Color: Light Mint Green 🌿

Vibes: 🎧📓💀📓🎧 [Music, Draw, Die]

AHDH, Depression And Anxiety 👍

⚠️ A Small Warning!⚠️

Attention, Some Drawings Include The Following Below:

- Swearing (Bc why tf not-)

- Romance 🏳️‍🌈

- Hell and stuff 💀

- Smoking 🚬

- Drunk People 🍺

- Gore 🩸

- And Violence 🔪

✨JuSt A wArnInG bC yAh✨

Comfort Characters:

[ Sonic The Hedgehog ]

-Miles “Tails” Prower

-Tails Doll

-Tails.EXE

-Zaglo Tails

-Rouge The Bat

-Shadow The Hedgehog

-Chaos

-Metal Sonic

-Surge The Tenrec

-Kitsumani The Fennec

-Amy Rose The Hedgehog

-Whisper The Wolf

-Tangle The Lemur

-Bunni The Rabbot

-Infinite The Jackal

-Orbot

-Cubot

[ Bluey ]

-Bluey Heeler

-Bingo Heeler

-Bandit Heeler

-Chilli Heeler

-Uncle Rad

-Frisky Heeler

-Socks Heeler

-Muffin Heeler

-Coco

-McKenzie

-Jean Luc

[ Hazbin Hotel ]

-Angel Dust

-Husker

-Niffty

-Alastor

-Adam

-Lute

-Carmilla Carmine

-Zestial

-Vellvette

-Vox

-Egg Bois

-Sera

-Emily

[ Helluva Boss ]

-Moxxie

-Millie

-Loona

-Octavia

-Stolas

-Beelzebub/QueenBee

-Vortex

-Veroskia Mayday

-Fizzarolli

-Asmodeous

-Striker

-Moxxies Mom

[T.A.D.C.]

-Pomni

-Caine

-Bubble

-Jax

-Zooble

-Kinger

-Gloinks

-Princess Loolilalu

-Gummigoo

-Max

-Chad

[ Gravity Falls ]

-Dipper Pines

-Mable Pines

-Stanford Pines

-Stanley Pines

-Waddles

-Candy

-Wendy

-Soos

-Bill Cypher

[ Star Vs. The Forces Of Evil]

-Star Butterfly

-Marco Diaz

-Mrs. Diaz

-Tom Lucitor

-Pony Head

-Ecplisa Butterfly

-Moon Butteryfly

-Hekapoo

[ Murder Drones ]

- N

- Uzi

- Cyn

- Tessa

- J

- V

[ Sanrio ]

-Hello Kitty

-Kurimo

-My Melody

-Chococat

-Cinnamoroll

-Tuxedo Sam

-PomPomPurin

-Keroppi

-Little Twin Stars

-Mimi

-Pochacco

[ UniKitty ]

-UniKitty

-PuppyCorn

-Dr. Fox

-Brock

-Master Frown

-Robots

-Feebee

[ Big City Greens ]

-Cricket Green

-Remy Remington

-Tilly Green

-Phoenix

-Gramma/Alice Greens

-Gloria

-Nancy Greens

-Vasquez

-Officer Keys

[ Star Wars ]

-Rey

-BB-8

-R2-D2

-CP-30

-Mandolore

-Grogu

-Asoka

-Kylo Ren

-Darkvader

-Yoda

[ Amulet ]

-Leon Redbeard

-Miskit

-Emily Hayes

-Clogsley

-Trellis

-Navin Hayes

-Elf King

-Lugger

-Enzo

-Rico

[ ROTTMNT ]

-Leonardo

-Donatello

-Michelangelo

-Raphael

-April O’Neil

-Master Splinter

-Casey Jones

-Mayhem

[ Warriors ]

-FireStar

-TigerStar

-BlueStar

-RavenPaw

-Barley

-StandStorm

-LeafPool

-SquirrelFlight

-Sasha

-LeopardStar

-Scourge

-LeafStar

-MintFur

-Sol

-YellowFang

-Princess

-Smudge

———x—————————————x———

Favorite Animals

Foxes 🦊

Cats 🐈

Dogs 🐕

Ducks 🦆

Penguins 🐧

Rabbits 🐇

Spiders 🕷️

Wolves 🐺

Rats 🐀

Mice 🐁

Snakes 🐍

Chickens 🐓

Raccoons 🦝

Parrots 🦜

Geese 🪿

Turkeys 🦃

And Some Mythical Animals :D

Favorite People

-By People I Mean: Actors, Music Artists, Authors And Animators-

Alex Brightman

Vivienne Medrano

Erin Hunter

Tara Strong

Kazu Kibushi

Rachel Renée Russell

Ian Flynn

Katy Farian

Raina Telgemeier

Gabriela Epstein

Ann M. Martin

Colleen O'Shaughnessey

Micheal Kovach

MonsterCat

Leah Kate

My Hobbies:

- Drawing

- Painting

- Piano

- Gaming

- Baking (Formerly)

- Cleaning

- Trying Clothes

- Dragon Puppets

- Shopping

- Decorating

- Making Stories

My Favorites!:

- Any Version Of Tails The Fox [Ex: T.S.A.K., W.W.M.H, T.D.D., T.S.A.A., Ect]

- Oholohu Markers 🖊️

- Listening To Music 🎧

- Doodling For 3 Hours ✍️

- Sanrio Decor 🎀

- Stickers 💟

- Sonic Pulse, Roblox 🎮

- Travel 🧳

- Petting Ducks 🦆

- Adventure Like Stuff 🏹

- Weapons 🗡️

- Choir [And Choir Teacher🩷]

Things I Despite:

- Social Studies 🗺️

- Character. AI being… Overwhelming… 🫥

- Hummingbirds [They Swoop Me ;-;] 😨

- My Little Brother 👦

- Living 🪦

- Making Myself Feel Like I’m Worthless :D

- Getting Tired 🥱

- Falling Asleep At Wrong Times 😪

- Anxiety Kicking In Because I Think Of Horror To Much 👍

- Having Glasses 👓

- Myself 😐

What Am I Exactly?

- A Emo, depressed furry idiot

- A Person with a Tails Hyper fixation

- A person who looks mature but acts like a friggin’ 7 year old

- A person who draws and games to much

- A Person who can’t control themselves around pencils and paper

Goals:

- 100 Followers, Room Reveal

- 1,000 Face Reveal

- 10M ✨SmTh GoOd✨

✨⭐️Hope We Reach This⭐️✨

[loyalpromise]

Ivy had the thought to go to sleep at least an hour ago, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Not before midnight! It killed her to not be next to Alex right at the start of his birthday. She was forced to settle for a text.

[ to: 🦋 alex 🦋 ] happy BIRTHDAY, hot stuff! ❤️‍🔥 have an absolutely INSANE evening spreading out all comfy in ur bed, bc come 9:43am, i’m leaping off the plane and into ur bed to steal the blankets xoxo

          lucky  for  ivy,  alex  had  the  worst  sleep  schedule  known  to  man,  so  of  course  when  she  texted  him  at  midnight,  he  received  it  and  replied  promptly  with  a  grin.

          [ SMS:  ( not  poison ) ivy  🌿 ]:  first  of  all,  thank  you,  but  secondly…  you  realize  that’s  an  oddly  specific  time  and  i’ll  bundle  myself  up  like  a  caterpillar  in  all  of  my  blankets  so  you  can’t  take  them !  😜

[austars]

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚ 1/25 - 6:13 pm

— minors dni, you may be blocked

thinking about rafayel, who is just completely obsessed with his bride, who isn’t technically his bride yet.

but that’s okay, he could change that later.

he’s completely devoted to you, in every way imaginable. he buys you only the finest of clothing, some part in purple to leave his mark. the most beautiful jewelry, a new piece nearly every week. his paintings, which always show some trace of your influence. every time he speaks with you, his eyes shine with adoration.

any chance he can get, his words are about you. those who know him definitely know you, even if it’s just your name. nobody can have a conversation with rafayel without hearing your name.

those days spent, just the two of you, he treasures deeply. no one is allowed to bother him during those days. no matter the activity, painting, sleeping, gaming, anything will make the day his favorite. rafayel just needs to be around you.

rafayel is completely obsessed with everything about you, including the more intimate details.

he knows every possible way to make you feel good. from the second he lies you down on the bed, your pleasure is on the forefront of his mind.

rafayel lives for the sweet moans and whimpers that escape your throat when he teases you. tantalizing touches as he strips you of the beautiful clothes you wore to his gallery that day. the laugh that escapes his throat is taunting as he watches you shiver under his touch.

but he can't help it, he loves seeing you like this. he loves knowing that there is no one out there who knows your body like he does.

he takes his time with you, slowly going lower and lower. and once he gets to that one spot he knows you want him at, his words do all the teasing for him.

"all of this, just for me baby? if i didn't know any better, i'd say you need me."

you can't retort, not when he finally plunges a finger into your sopping hole, curling it just the right way. rafayel relishes in the way your face contorts from surprise to pure bliss. he’s already framed your expression in his mind, to remember forever and always.

you practically beg for rafayel for more. how could he deny his beautiful bride anything? he adds another finger, speeding up his ministrations. soon, a third finger joins, hitting that spongy spot in your pussy so perfectly.

“there you go, princess. almost there. just a little more, my beautiful girl.” he whispers in your ear, practically pushing you over the edge.

as you cum on his fingers, he adores the way your body reacts to what he’s done. that’s right, only he can make you feel that good.

he’s normally so good at holding himself back, keeping his own pleasure at bay. but his pants were unbelievably tight, and he wanted, no needed, to be inside you.

“you can give me one more, can’t you? let me make love to you, my gorgeous bride.”

thinking about rafayel, obsessed with giving his bride the greatest pleasure she’s ever experienced.

© property of austars 2025, all rights reserved. please do not redistribute

[fairyfindr]

Dino+Dragon Stroll @ Canterbury Village

🦖🦕🌿🌴🦖🦕🌿🌴🦖

May 27th was me and my wife Skyrah’s 7 year wedding anniversary and we are both HUGGGGGGGE dinosaur fans so we gladly signed up to go on the Dino+Dragon Stroll at Canterbury Village and it was the most magical experience, honestly! There was such good and positive vibes, it wasn’t overcrowded, and the animatronics were great :) it was fun to get somewhat of a sense of what some of the dinosaurs might have looked like! My fave ones were the giant bird-dinosaurs with feathers and wings or the furry ones like this guy, the Troodontidae!

Isn’t it crazy to think that alligators, crocodiles, and many birds like chickens are being scientifically proven to have descended from dinosaurs, or at least extremely close relatives to the dinosaurs. Really puts things into perspective.

The was my first time going to see any animatronic dinosaurs, and even as an adult, it was truly magical and captivating in every single way! They were HUGE, they moved, and even made sounds! I felt connected to them in a way I’ve never felt before and it was amazing to feel like if I closed my eyes I could imagine being back in time and hanging out with the dinosaurs like it was normal everyday life! 😂😂

The village wasn’t too crowded, they sold tickets for certain time slots so the crowds weren’t overwhelming, and it was honestly really nice. My wife and I don’t have kids, and we were a little nervous before coming out that we might be the only adults there, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. There was people of all ages and cultures and backgrounds, it was truly beautiful to see everyone coming together to enjoy and marvel about something more ancient and giant than us and our human lives.

I’ve been obsessed with dragons and dinosaurs ever since I was a little kid! I played with my little Dino and dragon toys probably more than any other toys I had! That pure sense of wonder and imagination of what it would be like to be a dinosaur or dragon captives my imagination still to this day!

Halfway through the stroll, we stumbled upon an amazing little shop inside of Canterbury Village called Down The Rabbit Hole, and I just have to say, it instantly gave me a whole VIBE! I saw the word “fairies” in the window and just knew I had to go in! As soon as I walked in, I was instantly moved by how beautiful and ethereal the essence of the shop was. There was something magical, beautiful, or unique at every twist and turn! My fave were the black fairies, there’s a huge lack of diversity in the fairytale community, more so throughout history, but black folks are beginning to reclaim fairy tales for themselves by retelling them with black characters, themes, and stories, and I’m HERE👏FOR👏IT!

#BLACKFAIRIESMATTER

The shop owner, Amanda, was extremely kind, thoughtful, and helpful while my wife and I browsed around. We ended up connecting over our shared love of fairies, fairy gardens, and fairy tales, and I’ll be interviewing her soon for a deep dive on the Down The Rabbit Hole gift shop!

At the end of the Dino & Dragon Stroll there were tons of really cool vendors and artists that sold various goods including dinosaur and dragon themed goods- lots of 3D Printed dragon art sculptures which were amazing! I even got myself this adorable 3D printed dragon wand that looks like Spyro the Dragon!

I can’t wait to come back next year, and maybe even be a vendor with my weird dinosaur dolls, custom painted minis, customized toy castles, and dinosaur fairy gardens! Who knows- the future is MAGICAL! ✨✨✨✨🦖🦕🦖🦕🦖

May The Dinos & Dragons Bless You,

Alex the FairyFindr

[adrena-dine]

British GP 2022: a summary

Pierre and Yuki went shooting ? Helmut be scared bestie they’re coming for you 😈

Guanyu showed once again he’s a fashion icon

pierre and Charles went together because BESTIES !!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

Lance stroll showing up in an helicopter, what a material guuuuurl 💅🏼

Lewis spoke FACTS during press conference and I love him for that

Alex won the cutest helmet contest and Lewis the most meaningful one 🥰 Lando’s was amazing too (McLaren can find him so easily with this NEON colour)

PEDAL CAM IS BACK AFTER 20 YEARS (the angle is rubbish but I’ll take whatever I’m offered)

Daniel tried to kill Lando by throwing him a jumping ball (do whatever you need to be number 1). can we say it was his bday present ?

His cake was amazing too

The crowd going dead silent when Nathalie Pinkham asked if mclaren was to score a podium this weekend 💀💀

Lance said HELLO MATE to the gravels

To the person who told him that he couldn’t park there : you were the man.

Yukiere doing gay things. Again.

Daniel’s speech for his bday being « thank you 🤠 ». Relatable.

Rain being in a silly goofy mood and just keeping on coming and stopping

NICHOLAS IN Q3 ?! GUANYU IN P9 ?! WHAT IS GOING ON ?!!! So proud of them 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

Cars went ⬆️🔃⬆️ (I’m talking about you Max and Charles 😒)

CARLOS FIRST POLE DNLEKZKZKDKDKKE VAMOOOOOOOS

it’s his cousin screaming in Ferrari garage for me ✋🏼

TV direction was awful tho

An illustration of Aston Martin’s mess: Keanu Reaves started to watch quali in AM and finished in Ferrari 🫤

Sebastian in Mansell’s car, sustainably fuelled 😍🌿 we stan an environmental aware king (who celebrated his 35th bday)

Huge incident at the start, I am glad everyone is fine ❤️ we can thank the halo once again

Basically Pierre was sandwiched between George and Guanyu, who end up in the gravels, alex spun while avoiding the accident causing damage to Esteban and Yuki

Protestors entering the track during safety car 😒

Yuki still driving without a wheel, nothing stops this man

George stopping his car and running to help guanyu, costing him his race 🥹 what a man

Then he almost got into a fight with the FIA for starting the race again

Red flag shenanigans : Lewis and Yuki hanging out with their mechanics, Esteban having a snack time and trying to share it with his team, Lewis on his scooter, George arguing with FIA and Sebastian trying to get into Ferrari to escape Aston Martin mess

Alpine’s mechanics fixed estie bestie car in such a little time 😳

Carlos fighting for his dear life against max, missing his corner, and then got his place again bc Max’s tyre said « bitch im out »

Yukierre facing relationship difficulties. This hurts. But the spins were pretty 🩰🩰🩰

Sebastian overtaking Max, who would have thought ? Not me 😳

Bottas and Pierre’s DNF 😢

Ferrari messing up strategies again, costing Carlos and Charles’ race 🙄 grande strategia

Esteban was recovering well but then his car said no and stopped. In the middle of the track.

🚨SAFETY CARS 🚨

charles doing a hell of a race with used tyres and a broken front wing. F1 golden boy behaviour✨

The last laps almost caused me an heart attack

The battles were so amazing, I think they made me fall in love with f1 once again. Boys were doing the race of their lives

MICK’S FIRST POINTS 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

CARLOS FIRST F1 VICTORY FINALLY GRANDE CARLOS GRANDE VICTORIA ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

but not grande strategia 🥴

charles didn’t give him a single gesture after the race 😪

We had an amazing race but at what cost ? F1 new ships.

Mattia scolding Charles right after the race. Post race meeting is going to be fun isn’t it 🤪

Checo and Lewis’ dads hugging during podium :) cute.

Carlos’ smile on podium was everything 🥰✨

Guanyu walking in the paddock after the race is was comforting

His car is completely destroyed tho

Wishing all the best to Alex ❤️

Anyway see y’all next race

[l00na24]

I Got Your Six - Chapter 3

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD/ Drugs

Word Count: 8k

A/N: Just a little heads-up that some things will be a bit different than in the film. Frankie also doesn't have a baby in this fic.

This chapter was originally longer cause I went a little overboard (sorry not sorry 😁) so I had to divide it. It took me actually longer than I thought cause some parts were a bit hard to write at first but I hope it still turned out okay and you will like it! 🥰

2 days later, 2 PM, Florida, Tampa

A bell chimed above me when I entered the café Santiago wanted to meet me at.

The whole 2 days before, I had fought with myself if I should really go, if it wasn’t the biggest mistake I could make, to come even close to the deep wounds that hadn’t healed over time. Could I bring myself to dig even deeper in them?

The only convincing argument that persisted was this weird feeling I still had in my gut since I received his text. It was nothing good, whatever was to come, I knew that much. It never failed me till this day and I wasn’t about to start ignoring it now.

“Let me know how it went.” Colonel Sanders said to me when I visited him before I had left for the airport. He had seemed positive that I made the right decision. We would be about to see that shortly…

My three boys were a little different regarding this whole thing, being adamant to stay till my departure and being with me till the last second. Not wanting to let me go alone but they knew I had to. This was my battle to fight, not theirs.

“Show him that nobody messes with our wolf, okay?” Were Mick’s words goodbye, holding me to his six foot one large frame and wanting to go with me despite knowing he couldn’t. He was still not well with this but accepted my decision in the end.

“You’re not the only one here, you know?” Reminded him Luc from his left, shoving him to the side so he could hug me goodbye too.

“Gotta make sure to take care of our girl properly.” His friend countered and made a wink toward him.

“You’re so full of shit. I really don’t know how I made it through all these years with you.” Luc laughed with a shaking head and brought me closer.

“Remember that we’re always with you, alright? Even if we’re not there, Y/N.” The six foot tall man said while hugging me and caressing my arm softly.

“I’ll keep these two assholes here in check in the meantime.” He added a bit quieter with a laugh, pretending to whisper it to me but wanting his brothers to actually hear it.

“I heard that!” Sounded Mick’s voice loudly from behind us not a second after.

“That was his plan, pendejo.” Alex informed him from the right while he came over to also give me a hug before my departure.

“Watch your six, Y/N.” Giving me a kiss on the crown of my head and burying his head in my neck after, he mumbled his words into my skin. He joined our hands and rubbed it a few times soothingly to make sure I was ready to face my anxiety once again. Only this time without them for the very first time since I’ve been with the boys. Alex’ six foot two body was curled protectively around me, wanting to give me the most safest feeling possible for the 2 hour flight ahead of me. Hoping I’d get through it without any incidents.

“I will. You watch yours too.” I answered back, squeezing his hand a few times before letting go and pulling back, looking him in the eyes on the way.

“Promise. I’ll make sure Mick doesn’t do anything stupid while you’re gone.” He reassured me laughing.

“I heard that too!” The mentioned man shouted again, not caring about people giving him annoyed looks while walking by.

“I’ll see you boys soon.” Were my last words I exchanged with them before my flight got called out and I had to go. Looking one final time over my shoulder to see them waving with their hands before they were out of my sight.

🌿🌿🌿

So here I was, walking in the little café that actually looked quite nice. There were multiple tables with two to four chairs distributed in the room with some flowers in a vase and white tablecloths on them, some booths next to the pastel-colored walls too. Some framed pictures here and there to create a more friendly atmosphere. It felt like ages since I’ve been somewhere like this under “normal” circumstances. Always jumping from mission to mission without a break cause it was the only thing that kept me sane, helped me to block out my emotions and all thoughts in my fucked up mind that would bury me under a darkness I would never come out of again. Not alive.

A woman in probably her 20’s I assumed, with her brown hair in a ponytail, greeted me with a friendly smile when I walked by the counter, looking around the room, already on guard like always and on high alert to the unknown environment around me. I already hated being here. Alone with myself, not having my gear to protect me or a weapon besides my knife in the left pocket of my pants. Just to be safe. And not having my boys if something happened, the only ones that knew how to deal with it.

Just relax. Everything is fine. I told myself with every single step I took. Except it wasn’t.

Thankfully the café wasn’t too crowded right now and there were only a couple of people sitting at some tables, drinking or eating something. Three waiting in a line at the counter to probably buy something to-go. Everything looked like it was a normal day, people going after their routines, not caring about the things around them. But they should.

They didn’t know there was a killer amongst them right now, that wouldn’t hesitate to strike. Foolish idiots.

As my eyes continued scanning the room thoroughly, they landed on a person sitting in one of the booths more in the back of the café. It was only after our looks crossed that I stopped abruptly in my steps. His brown eyes with that familiar golden glow had already spotted and fixated me, not yet giving away any emotions behind them.

I felt like someone had stolen the air out of my lungs. Too stunned to see him really after all this time in person right in front of me again. He was still wearing his characteristically dark blue cap with the star on it, a jacket in the same color with a red shirt underneath, black pants and shoes. Santiago didn’t look any different than I remembered him. Besides the fact, that he must have shaven in the last days since his slight stubble was gone.

My first instinct that hit me right this moment was to run. Run away. Then everything else kicked in and I had to hold myself back to not loose it in front of all the people in here. I felt the memories threatening to rush back that I tried so desperately to erase without success. I couldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t. In a split second my walls were even higher up, not wanting him to see what reaction he had caused. Pushing all my emotions aside and taking in some air, I slowly continued my way toward him with an emotionless face. He wouldn’t get to know how I was feeling.

“I didn’t expect you to actually come.” His voice greeted me when I reached the booth he was sitting in, standing up in the process.

“Me neither.” I answered without any emotion, holding his gaze and sitting down across from him.

A moment long there was just silence between us, no one of us really knowing what to say and only looking at each other.

“I’m s-” Before he could say anything more, I rudely cut him off. Not wanting to hear whatever he was about to say.

“What do you want?” I asked coldly, crossing my arms and making it clear to him that I wasn’t happy about the whole situation.

“Straight to the point, hm?” He really had the audacity to laugh.

“You forced me to come down here despite knowing very well about my anxiety, so you better have a real good reason to suddenly decide to talk after 8 fucking years, Garcia.” He wasn’t getting the satisfaction of getting called by his nickname by me.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” His honest tone surprised me, also the softened look in his eyes he was giving me.

“Come to the point.” Deciding I couldn’t longer bear his look, I looked out the window next to me and waited for his next words.

Sighing, he put his arms on the table and leaned forward. He was smart enough to know that he would fall on deaf ears if he continued like this. Like always.

“I wanna get the old team back together.” Never having anticipated to hear anything close to this, my head whipped around immediately. Looking at him speechless and with wide eyes.

I was dreaming this, right? He… didn’t actually just say those words out loud?

“You- What…?!” I was sure my brain stopped working. Why would he say that? And how would he come up with something like that out of nowhere?

“I want to get all of us together again.” Santiago repeated his previous words calmy, giving me time to process what he had just dropped on me.

“No!” Was my immediate response that I shouted at him, getting the attention of the whole café that I completely ignored and jumped up from my seat, ready to leave as fast as possible.

“Y/N! Wait!” He also raised his voice and got up, trying to stop me.

I might have been okay with him talking about what happened in the past but getting all of us together again? Fuck no, that was the line I wasn’t going to cross. I’d rather die than seeing them again. Seeing him. I knew I had a bad feeling for a reason about this. To hell with making peace, I needed to get out of here before everything would get out of control.

“I knew it was a fucking mistake to come here!” I snarled at him, gritting my teeth and sending him a stone-cold look.

“Let me explain, please.” He pleaded and lowered his voice, taking a seat again.

I shouldn’t hear him out, I should just go, walk out of that door and pretend nothing had happened.

With a huff I closed my eyes for a moment and set back down too. Why was I listening to him?

“What is it?” I cut myself short, not making eye contact with him.

“A Recce.”

“A Recce?” Repeating his words, my thoughts began already racing. There must be more behind it than just a simple recce, he wouldn’t come to me with only this.

“Yes.”

“We both know it ain’t just a simple recce, Santiago. You’re not the guy that does things only halfway. So what is it really?” I snorted sarcastically, not believing his words and looking back at him.

“I wanna get Gabriel Martin Lorea.” He explained shortly after without hesitation, leaning forward on the table again and folding his hands. Knowing I saw right through him.

Lorea? How did he know that name? We had been surveillancing that guy’s activities for a few months now and never found out where he was hiding. Every bust the army made came up with nothing and every lead we followed led us to a dead end. And now Santiago Garcia, of all possible people should know where that piece of shit was? That couldn’t be a coincidence, no way.

“Lorea?! How did you get that name?” I asked with a mix of surprise and confusion in my voice, furrowing my eyebrows.

“I-” Right as he wanted to explain, the young woman from the counter earlier came to a stop at our table and we paused our conversation for the moment.

“Hello, can I bring you anything?” She asked, still smiling and giving Santiago probably the sweetest look she could. Of course she needed to do that.

“No. Can you fuck off now?” I shot at her, feeling anger already rushing up inside of me and wanting to rip that look off of her face. How dare she interrupt us like that? She better get hella fast as far away as possible.

Her face fell as soon as my words hit her, looking weirdly over to Santiago before she made her leave quietly back behind the counter, whispering something to herself. Bitch.

“She was only doing her job.” The Spanish man across from me chuckled with an amused face. Finding it seemingly funny, how I reacted toward the woman.

“I’m not here for bullshit like this. So cut it and answer my question.” I countered, not bothering with his comment.

Santiago snorted and leaned back against the booth behind him.

“After I retired, I’ve been working as consultant with the DEA down in South America. For the last 3 years I tried to actually get this guy.” So he was still kinda doing the same thing. Never being someone to just stop at some point, constantly needing to do something. He hadn’t changed at all.

I didn’t know what each of them were doing in these 8 years, maybe all of them had retired already?

“Why?”

“Because he’s the reason, everything I’ve done didn’t make any difference. He’s destroying that country with no one stopping him and I want to change that.” He finished, looking at me expectantly.

“And suddenly, after nobody could even find a trace about him, you know where he is?” I questioned him in disbelief.

“I’ve got an informant down there that found out where Lorea is.” Was he really that foolish to believe he could actually trust an “informant”? He should know best that in our line of work it was your certain death. Never trust anyone.

“And you want me to just blindly trust you with that? No way, Garcia.” Why did I have the feeling that there was still more to this than he let on?

“Okay. Here, at least take a look at this.” He proposed with a sigh and handed me a red folder he took out of his black bag that was next to him. Santiago knew I wasn’t convinced by any word he had said so far and wanted to change his strategy as it looked. Good luck to him, he wouldn’t get far with that.

“And what is that?” I asked him, wondering what he could possibly want with a folder now.

Taking it from him, I looked around us for a moment, making sure nobody was listening or looking at what we were discussing, then opening and laying it on the table between us.

There were various notes and pictures of Lorea and what was presumably his house. What did he want with all this? Every possible question that came up while looking through everything flew right out the window when I came across two words, that put everything in a whole new light. The first one being ‘Triple Frontier’ and the second ‘Money’. Both big and bright red flags.

“Have you actually gone insane?!” I raised my voice at him, not believing that he seriously was planning this.

“You wanna go in one of the worst and dangerous places on this planet and kill one of the biggest drug lords there?! And on top of it, get his money too?!” I added, heavily shaking my head and looking back out of the window with a scoff. This was bound to fail. He must have lost his god damn mind! That place was crawling with criminals, corruption, cartels and drug lords.

“Look, I really need him and it’s less than a week of work for 17 grand and potentially much more.” Santiago tried to let it sound less bad than it actually was. Like it was only a normal thing.

“I don’t give a damn shit about the money, Santiago! This is a fuckin’ suicide mission!” My blood was boiling by now. What was he thinking? Was he actually believing he could do this? Was he seriously not considering sending all of the guys into their deaths?

“I need you on this, please.” He was giving me that look I knew too well when he wanted to convince someone, but I wasn’t going to give in to it.

“Hell no! If you so desperately want Lorea, go get him. You don’t need me anyway if you have the others. Do they even know about me?” I denied his pleading and was wondering if he had told someone about me.

“No, they don’t.” He let out a long, frustrated sigh, lifting his cap, readjusting it and crossing his arms over his chest after.

“They wouldn’t agree to it anyway if they knew.” I let out a sarcastic laugh, sure as hell not a single one of them wanted to see me ever again in their lives. And I wasn’t about to change that.

“Have you asked them already?” Adding another question, I looked back to him, wanting to see in his eyes when he answered.

“Not yet. I had hoped to ask you first.” I should have known it. This Bastard. He was giving me the most innocent look he was able to pull up.

“And the answer’s still no and will be.” Emphasizing my words, I made sure to make it clear for him that he wasn’t gonna get me to help with his stunt. No matter what he tried.

“Here’s my number if you should change your decision. And Ben has a fight in the local gym in Pinellas County this Friday at 5 PM, you should come.” Santiago accepted his defeat finally and gave me a piece of paper with his phone number on it, waiting till I really took it from him and shoved it carelessly in the right pocket of my pants.

“I’m not coming. And I already made my decision.” I immediately replied, closing the red folder in front of me and getting up. He could wait for a lifetime that I seriously even considered changing it. And why the hell was he inviting me to a fight? From the one person I wouldn’t face for the death of me ever again?

“You know how to reach me. It was… nice to see you again, Y/N.” He followed and stood up too, holding my gaze.

“I can’t really say the same and I wouldn’t get my hopes up if I were you, Garcia.” Was all I said before I left him and the café, not looking back.

🌿🌿🌿

4 hours later, 6 PM, North Carolina, Fort Bragg

Arriving back home, I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Luc, Mick, Alex and me were just passing the door of the base when Deryll and Marc came toward us to take their security shift.

“There’s our favorite girl!”

“Look who it is!”

They both shouted at the same time with wide smiles and came over to greet us. I hadn’t seen them since we came back from our last mission, not having the time to pay attention to it anyway because of the things that happened shortly after.

Both were still there for me after I got assigned to the boys I called my team now and they were the only ones here that really knew besides colonel Sanders how close I was with them. The two friends never had to witness in full detail how I really was doing after everything, having to work their shifts and me constantly being on a mission god knows where with my new team. But they weren’t stupid and were able to pick up on little things they noticed changing. It was a shock for them at first when they heard what had happened, not wanting to believe that such a thing was even possible. They always believed we would be a team forever. Oh boy, how wrong they were.

So the years passed and they couldn’t do more than stand by and watch how the once happy, lively, little girl they knew and cherished, turned into an unrecognizable monster consumed by only darkness. There wasn’t a single thing they could do to help keeping her alive cause it had been already too late. Far too late to try and safe the last pieces remaining. She was already dead.

But being the boys they were, they didn’t even think about giving up. They always made sure to keep talking to her, trying to at least brighten her dark days a little and showing her that they were there since the first day they met her. That they wouldn’t leave her too.

“Attention! Mick’s twins at 4 o’clock.” Alex immediately warned from beside me as he spotted the two friends walking in our direction.

“Will you ever stop calling them that?” Mick shot back at the Spanish man, eyeing him with a sharp look from the opposite side of me.

“No, hermano. I can’t help that it’s the truth.” Shrugging with his shoulders, Alex chuckled at his brother. Knowing it annoyed him to no end when he called them by the nickname he came up with after he got to know them because he thought they were exactly like Mick: loud, with a big mouth and as annoying as him. In the brotherly sense.

“I can definitely see some similarities.” Luc acknowledged amused with a wink toward the man in question.

“And I thought you would have my back for once, Luc!” He said in a fake disappointed voice, hanging his head dramatically.

“Who’s annoying our dear brother?” Deryll asked laughing when he reached us with widespread arms and embraced Mick.

“What’s good, man?” Mick replied joyfully with a clap on his back, happy to see him.

“Can’t have that, can we?” Marc added a moment after, going over to Alex and hugging him.

“As if you would care.” Alex returned sarcastically, happy to see their friends too.

“Of course we care, man!” Deryll assured him while he went to Luc and repeated his gesture.

“Nice to see you, man.” Luc greeted him back, exchanging a brotherly embrace like the others while Marc moved on to Mick.

After they greeted the boys, they came to me. Having patiently waited till the men were finished and watched their interactions with each other.

“And there she is!” Deryll’s grin grew even wider at the sight of me.

“Hey.” I quietly said while I put my arms around him and waited till he bent down with his over six foot tall body a little so I didn’t have to get on my tiptoes because of his height.

“How are we doin’? Your boys takin’ care of you?” He asked, inspecting me attentively after pulling back a bit.

“Did you really just ask her that, bro?” Mick’s surprised voice cut in.

“Of course, someone here has to make sure she’s okay.” Deryll answered with a laugh, giving me a soft squeeze.

“You know we always do.” Luc joined in with a nod and a knowing look toward him.

“We’re only checking up on her, so chill.” Marc decided to help his friend, now switching with him to hug me also.

“We got her covered, don’t you worry.” Alex spoke up, making himself a bit taller with an underlying protective seriousness in his voice.

“I’m okay, you can stop. You know they wouldn’t leave me out of sight even if I wanted.” I decided to finally say something and crack a joke that would hopefully distract them from noticing what was currently going on inside me.

My boys knew right away when they had picked me up from the airport earlier that something wasn’t okay. I hadn’t spoken much on the way, already exhausted enough from the flight where I nearly had a panic attack as soon as we took off. Everything was all over the place right now. I didn’t know how to handle the chaos of emotions that was wrecking through me at the moment. How to control it. Santiago had unintentionally poked the beast at a point he shouldn’t have, one that had it clawing even wilder against its cage, trying to break free from its chains to get out and rip everything in its wake to shreds.

“They better.” The security boys said in unison and gave me both a wink.

“Okay, enough of that now, pendejos. Our girl and us have an important talk to have, so we gonna have to cut this short here.” The Spanish man decided that he had enough, not able to stand my unusual quietness any longer and hating to not know the reason for it.

“Alright man, see y’all later then and don’t forget to tell her to use protection!” Marc shouted after us as the boys and me started to walk away after waving them goodbye.

“Increíble. (Unbelievable.)” Alex mumbled to himself.

“That’s my line, dude!” Mick shouted back over his shoulder, trying to lift the growing tension in the air but failing.

🌿🌿🌿

After a short walk in utter silence that felt like it was suffocating me, we were standing in front of colonel Sanders.

I knew I didn’t need to do this, given it was something more “private” and not a mission report or anything like that. But I also knew that the colonel would want to know how it went and I kinda owed it to him for all the things he had done and was doing for me. And because he was involved in all this too even if he was more on the sideline of things.

My teammates were already itching to know what was going on since I hadn’t told them a single word about the meeting with Santiago yet. I simply couldn’t, I didn’t know what and how to say it. That’s why I just stood there quietly after the colonel greeted us, not able to get any words out. All I wanted was to run as fast to my bunk as I could and push everything back as deep as possible, lock it away in the darkest corner of myself to never have to think about it again. But of course I couldn’t.

“Are you finally gonna tell us now what’s going on? You’ve been different ever since you came back and I don’t like it.” Alex voiced his growing concerns out loud, watching me with an intense gaze.

The only thing he got as answer was my silence, uncomfortably shifting from foot to foot and keeping my eyes fixated on the ground. I knew I should have said something but there was nothing to help with getting anything out of my mouth.

“That asshole hurt you, right?! He’s so fucking dead! I’m gonna kill him!” Mick threatened with a raised voice, finally exploding because he had enough.

“STOP!” I yelled even louder, squeezing my eyes shut as hard as I was able to and clenched my fists, digging my nails in my palms painfully. You need to calm down, don’t loose it in front of them. Stay in control.

“Y/N, we all can see that something is bothering you and to me it looks like it is nothing good that happened, am I right?” Colonel Sanders asked cautiously, not wanting to irritate me further. Knowing I was in a fragile state right now and it would only take one more wrong word before I’d snap. And none of them wanted that to happen. To experience it when they let the ferocious wolf out of its containment.

I was back to being quiet again, not daring to say another word for fear of crossing the line to the dead zone they were stepping dangerously close to right now.

“How about we all relax for a sec?” Luc intervened after I still refused to speak, his message aimed for his friends that he eyed from the side.

“You don’t have to tell us anything you’re not ready for. We understand.” He continued sympathetically, while he crouched down in front of me and slowly tried to pry my tight clasped fists open.

That got me to open my eyes and look at him. Why did they all care so much about me when I didn’t deserve it? When I should burn in eternal hell for everything I’ve done? How could they still look me in the eyes?

Another heartbeat long we just stared at each other and I could feel almost tears coming up that I stopped before they had the slightest chance to surface. Why was it bothering me so much? Why did I still care?

“He… wants me to help him with a recce.” I pressed out, not able to keep it in any longer.

“This gets better and better.” Mick scoffed with a shaking head from the side.

“A recce? That’s all he wanted to talk about?” Alex asked for confirmation frowning, not understanding why that was Santiago’s priority, out of all possible more important things.

“I don’t know. I didn’t let him get to anything else, didn’t want to hear any sentimental shit.” I looked from Luc’s face back to the ground between us, letting him hold my hands he had intertwined with his after he managed to loosen them.

“Do I want to know any details?” The colonel questioned skeptically, knowing his ex-delta force soldier well enough to know that there must be more.

“Not really.” Sighing heavily, I squeezed Luc’s hand a little harder that he returned with one of his own.

“Please tell me that you’ve refused.” Mick turned to me with hopeful eyes. Trusting my judgement like always, to know when to draw a line.

“As if it would be that easy…” I whispered to myself with a slight huff. If you were not considering all the lives he put at stake.

“Of course, I did, Mick.” Confirming with a nod at him, I retreated my hands and crossed my arms.

“Thank god.” He relaxed his stiff posture.

“Why do I hear a ‘but’?” His brother Luc cut in, stopping his heightening mood in an instant.

“Because Santiago’s about to get himself into trouble.” Colonel Sanders answered for me and leaned back in his chair, having already caught on with my implications and reactions.

“That means?” The Spanish man among us spoke up once again after listening the back and forth of our conversation, paying close attention to my behavior the entire time.

It was now or never. If I wouldn’t tell them now, I wouldn’t be able to get it out if I thought any longer about the possible consequences.

“Remember the drug lord Delta’s been trying to find? Lorea?” I asked the round of the four men and waited till they put one and one together.

I could literally see the lightbulbs turning on over their heads not a moment later.

“He wants to go after him and his money.” I elaborated, staring holes into the ground and hoped it would swallow me whole. I could feel my gut clenching uncomfortably at every word that came out. This was so fucked up. I should have never agreed to that meeting! Why did I have to be so stupid?

“He knows you’re active duty and that this would have consequences?” The colonel immediately said with a warning tone and I could have sworn I saw anger crossing his features for a second as I looked up at him before it went back to his blank one.

“Why would he want your help with it anyway?” Luc questioned shortly after, standing back up from his crouching position and moving to my left side to his original spot.

“Because…” I started but the words soon left me again, not wanting to voice out the worst thing I still had to tell them. “…he wants to get the team back together.”

“He really thinks he can pull this shit up? That someone would be insane enough to agree to his fucked up idea? Why not going to Lorea and ask him politely if he will give him all his fucking money and oh by the way, put a bullet through his head?” Mick laughed with sarcasm lacing his voice.

“It’s illegal, right?” Alex pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

“According to his folder he showed me, it’s supposed to be a legal operation. Looked like he wanted to do it with the narcotics unit and work across the border with the army. He made a contract with an agency down there or some shit.” I explained what I had read on the notes he had given me.

The boys’ faces turned toward each other with confused looks, probably all asking themselves the same.

“So Santiago’s still working with the DEA in South America. He told me about his plan to go there before he retired a few years ago.” Sanders answered their unspoken question, having already recognized what they were about to ask. He never told me anything about them in these 8 years. Not that I cared… or rather, that I was lying to myself all along…

Just as I was about to ask the colonel a question of my own, Luc beat me to it with another one of his.

“Did he tell you the location? Or where he got the information?”

“You won’t like it.” I told him, sending him a serious look from the side.

Quiet huffs filled the room, like they had already anticipated that it wouldn’t be something good too.

“Somewhere near the Triple Frontier in the jungle. He claimed that his ‘informant’ found it out.”

“As if this whole thing wouldn’t have been insane enough already!” Mick commented dryly with irritation in his voice.

“He wants to drag you into one of the most dangerous places?! Because of an information from a person he can’t even trust? That’s enough!” Alex added, now sharing the same feeling with his brother.

“You have already made your decision, haven’t you, Y/N?” Luc’s soft voice sounded from beside me and pulled all the attention on him before it quickly shifted over to me. I was sure he had suspected it from the start even if I had been denying it myself.

A deafening silence settled over the office when I withheld the answer they were all waiting for and instead lowered my gaze down to the floor once again with every possible negative emotion flowing through me. Closing my eyes and willing myself to stay as calm as possible, to keep my shit together.

“You said you refused! You can’t be fucking considering it now, Y/N! You can’t do this!” Mick’s harsh tone cut the silence like a knife and it was like the room was closing in on me with every passing second.

“I won’t lose anyone else! I-… can’t.” I literally screamed out but ending nearly in a whisper, fixating him with something none of them had seen in a very long time since the death of their friend Vic. With the most vulnerable look and glossed over eyes I just stared at him, silently pleading with him to understand. To not make me say the words out loud. Please. Please don’t make me relive it. I won’t be able to survive it this time.

“And if that means I have to give up everything then so be it. I’d do everything than being here and pretend I didn’t know that they are getting themselves killed with this fucking suicide mission!” Letting my gaze wander around to each one of them, I saw that they had lowered their heads with saddened expressions. Understanding exactly what I was talking about and how I felt.

Exhaling after I was finished, I gave myself a break for a moment to calm my faster heartbeat and re-collect myself.

“Can you… tell me what the others have been doing? I want to at least know what I’ll be dealing with.” I continued with the question I wanted to ask earlier and looked to colonel Sanders.

“Y/N, you know I can’t tell you anything private. Only if it’s something official.” He answered with a softened look and folded his hands in front of him on his desk.

“What if it was a mission?” I proposed, holding eye contact.

“What do you have in mind, captain?” He questioned back, narrowing his eyes slightly.

“We’ve been looking for Lorea anyway, so… what if me and my team take him and his guys out as an official mission of Delta?”

The three boys were quiet after my little speech, not saying another word because they probably knew that they couldn’t stop me. Keeping their eyes locked to the ground below them and listening.

“You know what I’ll be forced to do if anything else happens.” Sanders reminded me with all his authority, making sure I was clear about what I’d be doing.

“Yes, commander.” I confirmed him without hesitation with a nod.

After a moment long silent exchange between us, colonel Sanders turned to his right where his computer was placed and began typing.

“Fine. Give me a minute.”

Shortly after, he motioned for me to come around to him. Not wasting any time, I crossed the distance with fast steps and gave Luc, Alex and Mick that had looked up to follow what was happening, a nod to the side with my head as if to say Follow me. Not questioning my instruction, they moved around the desk too and came to a halt to my left.

“Anyone specific you want to start with?” The colonel wanted to know but I declined, bracing myself for what I was about to hear.

“No.”

“Let’s see who we’ve got first then.”

A few clicks and types on his keyboard later, the first file showed up on his screen, for everyone to see.

“Looks like we’re starting with one of the captains. William Miller, the older brother of the two Millers. He’s giving speeches at the local VA where he’s living with his younger brother in Florida after he retired. There’s a report from an incident 5 years ago when he was on his time on leave. It happened in a Publix store, according to witnesses he had an arm around a guy’s throat in the cereal isle and squeezed so hard that he pissed himself. Seems like he was engaged at that time cause people said his fiancé as she had claimed, had to climb on his back to stop him from actually killing the guy. According to reports of the people there, he’d done it because the guy hadn’t moved his cart when he asked him to, and his fiancé left him right after.” Sanders read out loud for all of us to hear as he went over everything in Will’s file.

I didn’t know what exactly I expected to hear but it surely wasn’t this. To say that I was shocked was an understatement. Will was never the violent type and would’ve never hurt innocent people intentionally. From how it sounded, I guessed that it must had to do something with his PTSD. There was no other logical explanation for him to act out like this, especially in public. And to hear that he had a fiancé felt even stranger but that she had left him after what he’d been through made my blood boil. He didn’t deserve something like that. He didn’t deserve to be treated like this and he didn’t deserve someone that couldn’t understand him. How did she dare hurting him like this? You did just the same…

This is only your fault!

“Who do we have next?” I asked, not wanting to think about it more and ending up severing her ugly head from her body when I ever got the chance. She’d wish, she never had crossed paths with Will.

Stop thinking like this, Y/N! They’re not your concern anymore! You didn’t care these 8 years, so don’t start now! …Yes, you did! Stop lying to yourself already!

“You know about Santiago Garcia, so we can skip him since there’s nothing recorded in his file besides his work with the DEA and a neck operation last year.” Abruptly pulling me out of my thoughts, mine and Sanders’ looks crossed for a moment when he turned his head and I nodded, confirming it was okay to proceed.

“Captain Thomas Davis. Unlike the rest of the team, he was forced to retire. He’s now selling condos in the town he’s living in Florida. Has split with his wife but is still taking care of their two girls they have together. That’s everything we’ve got about him.” Tom wasn’t as much of a surprise because I knew that he had family, even if he rarely brought it up, and there were some tensions that had seemed to not have evened out over time. But I never thought it was that bad, for them to split. But he always could be a bit complicated, so it hadn’t been completely off the table.

“Let’s see who we’ve got next… ah, the younger Miller brother. Benjamin Miller, as I already mentioned, he’s living together with his older brother. The only record we have about him is that he’s been doing MMA fights after he retired, nothing else.” I cringed internally at the mention of his first name. Ben didn’t like it that much, wanting to be called ‘Ben’ or ‘Benny’ but never by his right first name. Why, he never told me but I respected it and never mentioned it. He had told me about some fights he had when he was on leave, always claiming that he was the best despite his sometimes still healing wounds he had when he came back that obviously indicated that he got his ass kicked. I hated those times, even if the wounds were very small and barely visible anymore, it still pained and angered me to know that someone had hurt him even if that was part of what he was doing. I absolutely loathed to see him hurt in any shape or form and the guilt that came with it, that I hadn’t been there or couldn’t do anything about it to protect him. Did he have a girlfriend too? With his always flirtatious and charming nature he surely wouldn’t have a problem finding one… Not mentioning his look… I gritted my teeth at the thought, not wanting to even begin to imagine a possible scenario like this. Feeling the all too familiar white-hot rage rushing through my veins immediately.

This is only your fault!

Trying my best to ignore the annoying voice in my head, I shifted my attention back to reality just in time where the colonel had already moved on to the last person he hadn’t mentioned yet.

“And lastly, we have Francisco Morales. Divorced from his wife about 3 years ago and lost his license after he got busted with coke last year. He’s still under review, result pending. Also living in Florida.” First I thought I didn’t hear right but the more I repeated his words, the more clearer they became and I didn’t want to believe a single one of them. He had lost his license because of drugs?! He never had anything to do with shit like that before. What had happened that caused him to think it was a good idea to fall back on fucking coke or other dangerous drugs? And since when did he have a wife, that also had the audacity to break his heart apparently? Was she the reason for his unusual behavior? She better not be…

His flying license had always meant everything to him and to lose it because of something like that… I couldn’t even imagine how he must have felt.

This is only YOUR fault!

I was so full of rage like I hadn’t been in a long while. Enraged about myself. How could’ve everything fallen apart like this? What the fuck had happened to the Delta Force soldiers I once knew? The ones I had called my family?

“That’s everything we’ve got about them.” I heard the colonel from my right but was barely paying attention to it, too caught up in the rising anger that was already spreading like a wildfire through my inside and keeping blankly staring at the screen.

You’re a monster. You destroyed everything, shouldn’t you be happy?

“Thank you.” My emotionless voice answered, not registering that I actually said it.

I hoped that none of my teammates would be commenting on anything they just heard because I wouldn’t be capable of taking it right now.

A tug on my arm snapped me back to the present, where I got greeted with sympathetic smiles from each of the four men in the room. They had probably sensed that I didn’t take the information very well and wanted to reassure me that they wouldn’t judge about what they had heard. Well, Sanders already surely must have known most of it, that was out of question. Maybe it was better he never told me anything these last years. Not that it would have changed anything anyway.

The boys had nearly walked back to the places they stood before, when I started to slowly retreat too. Making sure my legs were stable enough to carry me the short distance.

“So… how are we feeling about this?” The colonel asked after a quietness had settled between us.

“Her fight is our fight.” Mick spoke up as soon as he ended, with a determination in his voice I didn’t expect.

Full of surprise I looked toward him and saw a mischievous grin on his face, one that was all too familiar.

“Someone’s gotta keep them off of you, right captain?” He added with a wink at me.

I just blinked at him, not knowing why he suddenly had changed his opinion despite being adamant and hellbent on me not doing it.

“And you didn’t really think I’d let you simply walk alone into a deathtrap, did you?” Mick continued, his grin getting wider.

“Exactamente. (Exactly.) We’ve been through enough shit together already, we ain’t gonna stop because of some drug lord.” Alex joined his brother, the smile he had before still on his face.

“What’s there left for me to say if you guys say everything in advance?” Luc questioned at his friends with a laugh.

“Maybe that you’re grateful that we let you come along?” Mick joked.

“Fuck off. You’ll be glad to have me if I have to patch up your sorry ass.” His friend countered.

“There is another thing I have to tell you.” I cut in their laughs that were missing for too long since we were here.

All attention was back on me in an instant, their eyes looking curiously at me.

“Before I left the café, Santiago invited me to one of Ben’s MMA fights this Friday.” I told them, not really sharing their surprisingly good mood.

“You want to go?” Sanders straightened his position in his chair. He knew I was close to him because Ben never had made a secret out of it with his big mouth and constantly being around me. But how much did he really know?

“I told him I wouldn’t but if we’re doing this then I might as well, right?” I questioned back, already regretting that I had thrown all of my previous decisions out the window in a span of only a few hours. But at the prospect of potential deaths, it was different.

“Need some company?” Luc offered, probably knowing it wouldn’t be an easy thing to do for me.

“Was counting on it.” Relieved that I wouldn’t have to get through it alone, I nodded at him.

“I’d say I come with you but I don’t wanna interrupt your date, lovebirds.” Mick interjected with a laugh.

“And someone’s gotta keep watch so you don’t burn down the whole base, hermano.” Alex added, jabbing his friend lightly in the ribs and pulling him in a headlock before he could let any more words out.

“Fucking kids.” Luc commented laughing while shaking his head.

My look went from them over to colonel Sanders who held my gaze with a reassuring smile.

A/N: Thanks for all the follows, likes and reblogs! It really means the world to me ❤️ Also how are we feeling about the things that have been revealed to us? 🤔

If you enjoyed the chapter/ the story so far feel free to reblog, like and comment! 🥰

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[federalblu-britishmarksman]

🌿

"Oh...." Freddy caught sight of the mistletoe. Above their heads. Who put that there? How long has it been hanging there? It's not a bad thing, but he was nervous because the person standing with him was Alex.

"Erm..." Without a second thought to process the outcome for it, he decided to kiss the shorter man right on the lips without hesitation.

[angeltrapz]

🍯☀️🌿 and🌱 for Alex, Irvin, Brooks, and Jim?

🍯: What do you think is the sweetest thing I've done for you? There are so many sweet things you've done, I've lost count!

Alex: Do you remember the first time you saw me on stage before we really got to know each other? I was so nervous and I stumbled over nearly every single line, but when I finally got through it, you smiled at me and clapped and told me I did really well when I sat back down. I think about that whenever I get nervous, and it makes it easier to get through <3

Irvin: Forgive me if this is a bit cliché, but I would have to say the very first time you felt comfortable holding my hand. I know that it isn’t necessarily something you’ve done for me, but it means the world to me all the same - I know how scared you were, acknowledging that the thing between us wasn’t just friendship; that moment solidifies the first time you felt safe recognizing that, and for me, that’s definitely the sweetest thing.

Brooks: Helping me come to terms with the fact that my former relationship wasn't healthy. It'd become so normal for me that I kind of stopped processing the events themselves when they occurred, and after my divorce when it all kind of just... hit me, you were there for me, and that means more to me than you'll ever know.

Jim: Honestly? Confronting me about my drinking problem, because I know that you did it because you cared about me. I know that those first few months of being sober were pretty hellish and I could be mean when withdrawal hit, but you never gave up on me or turned away, and if it weren’t for you, I don’t even think I would have acknowledged I had a problem.

☀️: What is your favourite thing about our special, intricate love?

Alex: The fact that we can tell each other anything, and know that the other person will always be there to listen. There are things I can only really trust you with, and know it’s the same for you; communication is a key role in every healthy relationship, and I think we do pretty good on that front!

Irvin: The things we do for each other when one of us is struggling. You always know just when to bring me a cup of coffee and to remind me to take a break, and I know when all you want is to be held close for a while, even if it’s without any words. There’s just a certain degree of intimacy to those things.

Brooks: How well we've gotten to know each other. You can always tell if I've had a bad day or when something's just messing with my head, and I can do the same. I love that we're open with each other about our feelings, but I also love the fact that we can often tell how the other is feeling, more often that not, and sometimes even without words.

Jim: The way we help each other work through things, even if one of us doesn’t know exactly what it’s like or how the other is feeling. We’re always there to listen to each other when we need it, and we don’t have to worry about judgement or that we’re bothering the other person with our issues, because we we work together.

🌿: What is your favourite way that our relationship has grown?

Alex: The honesty we're able to share! Neither of us has ever had a reason to lie to each other, and we don't keep things from each other, either. It's refreshing to know that we don't need to hide our feelings or thoughts from one another.

Irvin: The trust you've been able to place in me. I know that given our... circumstances, it was something that took quite a while for you to develop, and I am more grateful for that than I have the words to express. Conversely, I know that I can trust you as well, and that means everything to me.

Brooks: How secure and safe we feel with each other. We both know that no matter what happens, we're going to be there for one another, and we can shoulder whatever comes together - and we both know that there's always support when it's needed.

Jim: How comfortable we are around one another. Even though we didn’t get together until the divorce was being finalized, I know things between us were tense for that little while because of the town’s opinion of me - and, unfortunately, their opinion of you by proxy (which I’m still sorry about), but we pulled through, and now it’s like we’ve never been apart.

🌱: What is your favourite way that I've grown for you?

Alex: How much more confident you are when you speak up about the things that you’re passionate about, especially when it’s something you feel for strongly - whether that’s calling out someone’s behaviour, standing up for yourself, or even sometimes standing up for me! I know you used to feel like people saw you as... for lack of a better word, a doormat, but I can’t see that - you’re not afraid to speak up when you’re upset, and I admire that.

Irvin: The fact that you feel safe with me, because that's all I could ever want. Again, I know it was initially very hard for you to trust me and feel reassured that I'd never let anything happen to you, and I don't blame you for that, believe me - but I am so grateful that you have been able to place your trust in me and that you know I'll keep you safe. I appreciate that more than you know.

Brooks: I would have to say your confidence. I know how hard it was for you to feel comfortable after what happened with your ex, especially in a romantic context, and I'm so proud of the way you've worked through that and properly processed it. It wasn't an easy thing, but you were able to do it anyway, and I have so much respect for you.

Jim: The healing you’ve done as you’ve processed your trauma. I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult that must have been for you, and I am so proud of you for having that strength, and for being able to talk about the things you’ve been through. I’m happy I’m able to share that success with you and that you feel comfortable sharing those things with me.

[syskid-stims]

What’s wrong with chire? Isnt it just age regressing?

Alex was harrased by someone in chire who coy thought was coyots friend. She stalked coyt and sent coyt horrible horrible things and still does to the point I (Balam) checks Alex's stuff before Alex has a chance to even look at inboxs or messages. One group under chire known as lgbtkiddies purposely misgendered our host for going to cglre. There's a lot chire has done too that I won't get into because it's a lot. Here's a link to a post our friend made that can explain it better than I could.

~ Balam 🌿