#alexand3rwrites

[alexand3rwrites]

2 weeks until King of Tears 💙⛈️

two weeks until all 14 ENTRIES of my sophomore anthology, King of Tears, release on my tumblr page!! here's the table of contents <3

*P.S: love is lethal and letters are currently out on my page if you'd like to give them a read ❤️‍🩹*

[alexand3rwrites]

my sophomore anthology. King of Tears. 2/14/25.

a story that evolves over the five stages of grief. tears that were cried and are beginning to dry. out february 14th, 2025, on my tumblr page.

[alexand3rwrites]

letters

⚠️ Trigger Warning: the following writing entry contains allusions to and mentions of su!c!de, so please proceed accordingly. i am so sorry if you can relate, and i want you to know that you are loved, and that you are so, so strong ❤️‍🩹

preface: this one's for those with broken hearts. as we've so hauntingly come to learn, love truly does kill.

When you left–when my lifeline was cut–my heart stopped beating. The stars fell from the sky, and the sun died. The darkness consumed everything, and it felt as if it’d be like that forevermore.

I planned to end my life, which meant simply stopping my heart, for my being was no more, and I was nothing more than a walking corpse. I planned to swallow the little purple pills, and fall into an eternal sleep. You can never say I didn't fight to be alive again, because you don't know what it’s like–what it’s like to be given wings, and the ability to soar, only to plummet to Earth when you’re at your highest. I searched for the lights in the mist, but there were none. So then, I wrote my letters. I immortalized my last bits of hope and sunshine, if any, and gave those who claimed to love me something to remember me by. But Death is funny, you see, and doesn’t like to be chased. It prefers to do the chasing, like a shadow that looms, but doesn’t allow itself to be captured. So in one moment I was looking into the eyes of Death, and in the next, I was watching the sun set on a lake. Death departed, and with it, the everlasting darkness that you brought to my life. My letters were burned, and the pills forgotten. Light had been renewed. 

I thought that loving you was like chasing fireflies–beautiful but fleeting–and I was right. Fireflies glow, and they stop, leaving darkness in their wake. But, as I've so hauntingly come to learn, the sun will rise again. So now, I do not address letters to my loved ones, or those that I planned to leave. Instead, I hope that one day you’ll be the one writing, addressing letters to my scars, and to the burns from the fires that had adorned my life. Address them to the holes in my butterfly wings, that took away my ability to fly. Address them to the boy whose heart you shattered, leaving him with no other option but to write letters.

[alexand3rwrites]

3. conspiracy theory

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My favorite conspiracy theory is that you are sorry. I want to believe that, yes, you did cry the night you ended things with me. I want to believe that while my heart split in two, tears soaked your pillow, and heartbreak raced through your body like a freight train. I hope that as my quill burns ink into a page, the pain you caused me is immortalized, and with it, my anger towards you. If the malevolent fires of my rage burn forevermore, no love for you will ever bloom in my heart again. I hope that one day, the winds of fate catch up to you, as you run from the hearts that you have so carelessly broken. I hope the pain finally engulfs you, and as the stars fall from the sky of your world, you feel just an ounce of the pain I felt that on August night. As the sadness becomes perpetual, and you are consumed in what seems like an everlasting night, I hope you see my face in the void. I want to believe that you will remember my smile, my kindness, and that you will fall to your knees and weep. I hope that you’ll remember what it felt like to be loved by me, and even if my breath has already long-since left my lungs, I hope that the way you killed me will finally kill you just the same. 

[alexand3rwrites]

6. was any of it true?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Was any of it true? We had talked until the sun came up, sharing smiles as you stared at me starry-eyed, like I was all you had ever wanted in the world. But if that was true, and if all that did happen, how had you let me go so easily? If your “i love you” texts were promises, why was I so broken when you sacrificed me to the gods of your most mercurial days? And how did you do so with such ease? If our love was once so bright, why did it simmer into nothing more than shadows in the pale moonlight? At one point, I was on my couch, you were on my screen, and one of us was alone. At another, you were a voice on Facetime, with beautiful blue eyes, and my reason for waking up each day. You never got to become something real, or something that I could touch, but I had grown to love you so much, and I felt in my heart that our little infinity was forming. Never again will I be so naive. You were just a boy, as was I, but only one of us was strong enough to mean what we said. Only one of us was ready. So, tell me: as someone who once called me your angel, was any of it true?

[alexand3rwrites]

King of Tears - Credits Page

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I’ve touched upon, music is something I use to manage my emotions, especially sadness.

Given this, several musical artists inspired some of the entries for this project, and it’s my pleasure to give them the credit they so rightfully deserve. Every artist mentioned here is ridiculously talented, and some of this writing would be nowhere near as emotionally charged, or even exist at all, without them. 

Inspiration Credits: Some entries boil down to lines from a song that I blew up, and added all the details and emotion to. In essence, if an artist is credited here with Inspiration Credits, a line from/portion of their song inspired an idea that eventually became an entry/line on King of Tears. 

The type of credits an artist is credited with may vary based on my intentions/use of their lyrics/song

Writing Credits: In some instances, I’d be listening to a song, hear a lyric, and just be absolutely blown away at how it perfectly described something I was feeling. These artists have talent that I can only dream of having myself, and so I’m extremely grateful to be able to use lines from their songs in my writing. In essence, if an artist is credited here with Writing Credits, a line from/portion of their song was directly used in an entry on King of Tears. 

The type of credits an artist is credited with may vary based on my intentions/use of their lyrics/song

Audio Credits: I wanted to make each announcement video special, and through sound, paint a picture of what each entry was going to be like (and eventually King of Tears itself). Several incredible artists made this possible. In essence, if an artist is credited here with Audio Credits, a portion of the production (sound/music without the vocals/lyrics) of their song was used in an announcement video for an entry on King of Tears. When credited, “& Producers” means all the people who worked alongside an artist to produce and engineer a song, as there are often too many to list individually

The type of credits an artist is credited with may vary based on my intentions/use of their lyrics/song

Without further ado, my biggest thanks go to the following artists credited on King of Tears. If an entry isn’t listed, there are no artists to credit, and I am the sole writer. 

--------------------------------------------

was any of it true?

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived (Was any of it true? / Gazing at me starry-eyed) 

love is lethal

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - cardigan (songwriting voice memo) [“I knew I'd curse you for the longest time / I knew I'd wish you would've changed your mind / I knew you'd miss me once the moment died / I knew to love would be to lose my mind”]

Writing Credits: Lizzy McAlpine - ceilings (“Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos”)

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - Daylight (“I once believed love would be [Black an white] / But it’s golden [Golden]”) 

letters 

Writing Credits: Olivia Rodrigo - hope ur ok (“Address the letters to the holes in my butterfly wings”)

Writing Credits: Gracie Abrams - I Love You, I’m Sorry (And I'll have a drink / Wistfully lean out my window and watch the sun set on the lake) 

how dare you? 

Writing Credits: Olivia Rodrigo - hope ur ok (“Address the letters to the holes in my butterfly wings”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? (“You don't get to tell me about ‘sad’”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? (“I wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me / You wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me”)

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - Innocent (Taylor’s Version) [“Time turns flames to embers / You'll have new Septembers”]

precious youth

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve (“If clarity's in death, then why won't this die?”)

Writing Credits: Dove Cameron - Still (“Face in the crowd, merry-go-round / Kiss me with your razor blade mouth”)

Inspiration Credits: Tate McRae - want that too (“Oh, I gave you everything that I couldn't afford to lose / Now I pull myself together and you come out of the blue”)

Inspiration Credits: Tate McRae - want that too (“I'm not waitin' for your call, but I know you will / That's the only hand left that you got to play”)

the graveyard shift (farewell) 

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - Peter (“We both did the best we could do / Underneath the same moon”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) [From The Vault] (“And there we are again when nobody had to know / You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath”)

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - Anti-Hero (“When my depression works the graveyard shift, all of the people / I've ghosted stand there in the room”)

Inspiration Credits: Agatha All Along: Original Soundtrack Writers - The Ballad Of The Witches’ Road (Lorna Wu’s Version) [“I have learned the lesson / Of all that's foul and fair / Our love was forged in fire”]

the oleander

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - the lakes (“A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it”)

conspiracy theory

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - loml (“Who's gonna tell me the truth when you blew in with the winds of fate”)

Inspiration Credits: Sabrina Carpenter - Dumb & Poetic (“You're running so fast from the hearts that you're breakin'”

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - my tears ricochet (“You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same”)

five seconds flat

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - loml (“Who's gonna tell me the truth when you blew in with the winds of fate”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - loml (“And I'll still see it until I die / You're the loss of my life”)

Inspiration Credits: Lizzy McAlpine - orange show speedway (“I think it all kinda feels like an Orange Show Speedway / When you're racing head-first towards something that'll kill you in five seconds flat”

king of tears

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift & Post Malone - Fortnight (“And no one here's to blame / But what about your quiet treason?”)

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - Daylight (“I once believed love would be [Black an white] / But it’s golden [Golden]”)

haunted 

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - loml (“Dancing phantoms on the terrace / Are they second-hand embarrassed”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - cardigan (“When you are young, they assume you know nothing / Sequin smile, black lipstick”)

Writing Credits: Olivia Rodrigo - drivers license (demo/original version) [“And I don’t believe you when you say I did nothing wrong”]

Inspiration Credits: Taylor Swift - happiness (“Haunted by the look in my eyes / That would've loved you for a lifetime”)

rhinestones interlude 

Writing Credits: Beyoncé - II HANDS II HEAVEN (“Rhinestones and diamonds both shine in the light”)

river’s lament 

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys (“'Cause he took me out of my box / Stole my tortured heart”)

Writing Credits: Taylor Swift - cardigan (“When you are young, they assume you know nothing / Sequin smile, black lipstick”)

love is lethal (announcement video) 

Audio Credits: Gracie Abrams & Producers - Right now

letters (announcement video) 

Audio Credits: Billie Eilish & Producers - i love you 

King of Tears (the anthology) [announcement video]

Audio Credits: Billie Eilish & Producers - when the party’s over

[alexand3rwrites]

letters out this friday, 12/27/24

the much sadder, and darker, sister entry to love is lethal, comes out this friday, 12/27/24, on my tumblr page. it's titled letters, and it would mean the world to me if you gave it a read. (side note: as much as i love the support, i would just like to give a trigger warning for allusions to and mentions of su!c!de in this entry. i am so, so deeply sorry if you can relate to it ❤️‍🩹.)

[alexand3rwrites]

love is lethal

preface: this one's for all my hopeless romantics who had to learn about love the hard way. i know i did ❤️‍🩹

I knew things wouldn’t be the same when I went to sleep that night. Summer started like it does in the movies, with cool nights filled with the distant hum of cicadas, warm days, and a school boy crush to lose my mind over. But after that night, when you were finally more than just a cute boy in the hallway, I knew I had something to lose. Perhaps that’s why it’s all so bittersweet, because having you meant there was a chance to lose you. As weeks passed, loving you felt like sitting between comfort and chaos. As months passed, and I was convinced that you were the boy of my dreams, I knew to love would be to lose my mind. As the spark of June slowly faded, and the gloom of July rolled over the hills, the sun began to set on the love you let die. I knew that once you slipped through my fingers, I’d curse you for the longest time. When you were finally gone, there was no breath left in my lungs, and each day waking up felt like waiting to die. When there were no tears left to cry, I was in fact dead. Or, for lack of a better phrase, I was dead with a beating heart. The walking corpse that I became is proof that love is not golden, as they say, or something that heals. Love is a beautifully petaled rose, with thorns that draw blood. Love is vicious and deceitful. Love is lethal.

[alexand3rwrites]

wrote a little something 🥹

wrote this writing entry (and a few others) during these past few months, which have been some of the most hurtful times of my entire life. love is lethal comes out next friday, december 13th, and it would mean the worldddddd to me if you could give it a read ❤️‍🩹. this one's for all my hopeless romantics who had to learn about love the hard way. sooooo much more to come after this ♡

[alexand3rwrites]

sad boy era incoming 💙

rip to "all the songs unsung" you'll be.. missed 💛

[alexand3rwrites]

King of Tears Masterlist

Click each title below for quick access to each entry on my sophomore anthology, King of Tears

1. haunted  2. king of tears 3. conspiracy theory 4. how dare you? 5. precious youth 6. was any of it true?  7. love is lethal  8. the oleander 9. five seconds flat 10. letters 11. perfect warning 12. rhinestones interlude  13. the graveyard shift (farewell) 14. river’s lament

[alexand3rwrites]

1. haunted

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m haunted by the look in your blue eyes that promised to love me for a lifetime. I’m haunted by the feeling of my bones cracking, and my lungs collapsing, when you left. Whispers of your voice are now carried in the wind, a ghostly presence that reminds me of your words; “You better never leave.” How ironic, my love, given that you left me. Letters to the love that I lost have been hidden away, locked in a box of broken dreams. You left me to be haunted for the rest of time, wondering, simply, why? And I don’t believe you when you say I did nothing wrong, so again, why? I’m haunted by the bitter taste of fury on my tongue, knowing that I was no loss to you, and the ache in my chest that tells me I will never love again. I’m haunted by the dancing phantoms in my basement, who are mere fractions of what our little infinity could’ve been. I’m haunted by the shattered glass; broken shards that I see your sequin smile in, moments that I cannot reclaim. You are no more–nothing but a haunting, fleeting memory gone with the sun. But most of all, I am haunted by the sting you left on my skin; an ache so strong that it may never soften under the weight of time. Was our love never meant to be real? Were you always destined to become a ghost in my past? Just a memory that will haunt me… forever?

[alexand3rwrites]

2. king of tears

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In gray November, under the constant cover of clouds and rain, I wished to be a king; a king of love, and hope, and sunshine. I wished to rule a kingdom of peace, with you at my side, crowns on our heads, and thrones kept warm. For 52 days, I got my wish. For 52 days, I ruled a kingdom of peace with you at my side, dual crowns on our heads. Yours was of silver thorns, and mine of petals, a sign like distant thunder that your beautiful love would soon draw blood, like a rose. Your quiet treason took place in our castle’s walls, and one night, you cut my heart from my chest, and ran back into the world of betrayal that you sprang from. You left me to die in my own blood, and in due time, I became the King of Tears. The flowers died, and the fires burnt out. Peace became an idea I saw only in my dreams. The walls crumbled, the kingdom in ruins. My throne grew empty, my crown of petals left to wilt, as I was no longer a king of love. In your wake, atop your throne, you left behind your crown of silver thorns, the memory of you drawing blood. The crown that sits on my head now is one of sorrow–heavy and cold. I rule no land of peace, or of love, or of sunshine. Rather, I rule the barren fields of grief, covered in frost and ivy. My new kingdom is built on ashes, sitting upon the dust that was once golden love. My palace of ice is cold, and desolate. My hands are stained with my own blood, the wound in my chest still fresh. You destroyed me from the inside out, stealing my heart, and burning my kingdom of peace to the ground. 

You made me the King of Tears, and for that, I will hate you, forever. 

[alexand3rwrites]

4. how dare you?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How dare you protect me, only to leave me for dead in the end? How dare you warm my cold heart, and then rip it from my chest? How dare you steal my youth, my very life, and then try to tell me about “sad”? You wouldn’t last an hour in the darkness that arose in your wake, or in the dying mists of heartbreak. You know nothing of picking up the broken glass of love, and having blood be drawn by all that is supposed to make you happy. How dare you act innocent, when the smoking gun was in your hands? You claim that your bullet ricocheted, and yet, you have no grave. You swore that you would never hurt me. Why is there blood on your hands? If you promised that your words were fact, why is it that now your love seemed like fiction? How dare you embrace me in your wings, take me into the clouds, only to drop me to Earth when I loved you most? How dare you give me wings of my own, only to cut them from my back and leave me desolate? You turn embers into flames, and pretend to invite me back into your warmth. You said you loved me; how dare you?

[alexand3rwrites]

5. precious youth

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lived years in mere months, giving you my love, but unknowingly, my very will to live. You took and you took, until I became gray, and the light left my eyes. My heart became as brittle as my bones, all while you began to glow with what you stole from me. You took all the love that I couldn’t afford to lose, and my boyhood with it. If clarity’s in death, why do you still walk free, very much alive? You carry my innocence under your belt now, along with the rest of what was stolen from me. Now that you see me alive and well, my eyes golden once more and my skin no longer gray, will you try to come back? Will you try to kiss me with your razor blade mouth, and wonder if the rope of my loyalty is elastic? When you see that I have aged, and I have no youth left to steal, will you pull out your knife of lies and attempt to pierce my closely guarded heart? Whatever hand you choose to play next will fail, for despite the burglary, I learned to live again; I had to. Memories of my boyhood began to feel like a double-edged sword, and remembering who I was before you only made me bleed. You became a beautifully haunting lesson, but at what cost? I am now wise well beyond my years, but only because you stole my precious youth. 

[alexand3rwrites]

8. the oleander

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the frost barren fields of my heart, grew a single flower. Under gray November skies, I knelt, enamored by its beauty–a feeling I had never felt before. As the months passed, and the summer sun began to rise over the horizon, I continued to visit the flower. Despite the season’s warmth, the fields of my heart remained cold, and no place for love. The flower changed that. With its beauty, came warmth as well. Golden light glimmered, thawing my cold heart. As weeks passed, and May crossed into June, the fields of my heart became my sanctuary. The flower was now mine, to admire, and to love. But when the winds of time blew me and the beauty into July, I began to see things for what they were. The flower, an oleander, was as deadly as it was beautiful. Its golden light was not a warmth that defrosted my heart, but rather a poison sent to slowly kill me. Distracting me with beauty and charm, the evil had its chance, and let its toxins slowly seep into my being, burrowing under my skin. I had been dying slowly, over the months, all while I was enamored by the oleander. The deadly beauty, having grown out of ice frozen ground, had not been able to do so because it was special, or the one. Rather, it was on a mission to hurt–to hurt all that are good, build them up, and without an ounce of remorse, annihilate their hearts. You, my love, are the oleander.