#alex pay for my therapy what were those acting choices

[teruel-a-witch]

brb crying about this 5ever. it's not often you witness a heart break on screen in real time ;_;

[unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240]

I saw your post about how Xianity is not essential to Judaism and and I don't want to derail it it but one particular thing really struck me while reading it; the concept of teshuva compared to Xian forgiveness, particularly how those differences really reflect how I've seen both religious cultures (???) handle person-to-person forgiveness. Judaism (at least from what I've seen) has actual steps for apologising, and they're all really good common-sense rules like 'don't do it again'. (1/3)

(cont.) The burden is on the offender to make things right, they’re the active party. In contrast, in Xianity you don’t have to do anything to make it up to the person you hurt. In fact, in Xian communities there’s usually a burden on the /hurt/ party to forgive and it’s seen as really cruel and a sign of moral weakness that you won’t let them feel better about what they did, even (sometimes /especially/) when they’re not sorry and intend to keep hurting you. (2/3)

(cont.) To me these two things feel like extensions of the attitude towards divine forgiveness and repentance. In Xianity receiving forgiveness feels like a very passive thing that’s all centred on your own guilt, your own inherent sin, and an attitude of ‘I said sorry so my hands are clean and now you have to make it up to me for making me feel bad for what I did’, etc. Judaism, on the other hand, seems to take a very pro-active, balanced approach of doing better for yourself and others. (3/3)

Hi Sarahsyna, 

The differences between xian and Jewish understandings of what forgiveness is and how we should go about it are interesting, no? 

I would say this is a pretty accurate analysis of the differences and where they come from. However, I would like to expand on this and add a bit of nuance to it, if I may. 

There are different levels and types of wrongs to be forgiven, and the responses to them should be different. 

Wrongs that are relatively minor, are fixable, and/or that are relatively common amongst otherwise decent people; 

Wrongs that major, unfixable, and/or that are criminal/violent in nature; 

Wrongs committed against oneself

Wrongs committed against others (usually in your sphere of influence, such as to your family members, but not necessarily) 

In my experience, Judaism does a much better job of making these distinctions than xianity. 

Minor Wrongs vs. Major Wrongs

Xian forgiveness is really appropriate for minor wrongs (with proportionately minor consequences.) Things like: someone took your lunch once, which creates an annoying but temporary problem. We shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, and as frustrating as that situation is, it’s not worth holding a grudge against someone forever because of a dumb prank. 

Judaism similarly holds that we shouldn’t hang onto a grudge over this, and encourages people to let it go. Give the offender ample chance to apologize, but if they don’t, don’t waste your energy being mad at them. (Have you forgiven them? No. Should you still move on with your life? Yes.) 

Of course, if by taking your lunch, they caused you to be unable to take a vital medicine, which consequently put you in the hospital, it should change the equation, no? 

In xianity as I experienced it (**please insert that caveat throughout this discussion), it actually doesn’t change the equation. The intent of the offender was a dumb prank and so the forgiveness should be equally straightforward, even if the consequences to you are more severe than that person realized they would be when they did it. You should try to put yourself in the prankster’s shoes and imagine how awful you’d feel and how badly you’d want to be forgiven if it were you. 

In Judaism, that person would need to do a lot more to make it right before asking for forgiveness. That might involve helping you pay your hospital bills, picking up your slack at work and/or otherwise trying to help in concrete ways because while their intent was minor, the effect on you was major. They must cope with that reality in the same way that you must. Might their intent factor into how inclined you are to forgive them afterwards? Sure! But they need to show that they realize how serious the consequences of their actions are and seek to remedy it first. 

Fixable vs. Unfixable Wrongs

The consequences of some wrongs are fixable to varying degrees; others are not. If you take five dollars from my bag and then feel bad about it an hour later and put the money back? You’ve totally rectified the situation. 

On the other extreme? While I have put in many, many hours of therapy and self-reflection and healing and therefore have gotten it under control, I will never not have trauma from having been raped and abused. Even if the perps spent the rest of their lives truly regretting what they did and doing hard work on behalf of survivors, they could never undo the damage they caused, even if they subsequently changed their behavior 180 degrees. (Editorial note: unsurprisingly, none of them have actually done any of that.) 

Growing up, I felt an unbearable need to magnanimously forgive the perp despite his refusal to admit to what he did or apologize, and even as a culturally xian adult, I still felt a compulsory need to forgive subsequent offenders at least for my own sake in order to move on. 

Judaism relieved me of any responsibility to forgive any of them, ever, because they have never apologized. I’m not even allowed to forgive them since they’ve never asked for it, but I don’t have to do so in order to heal because nothing they could do could heal me anyway. Them apologizing wouldn’t change the reality of their acts and me forgiving them wouldn’t change their future behavior. My healing is (for better or worse) my problem, and their becoming better people is their problem. 

In a better world where they did hold themselves accountable? That would be stellar, but even in that world my remedy comes from the peace of mind in knowing that they aren’t hurting other people, from them still staying the hell away from me, and the justice in knowing that they have to live with what they did and are truly reckoning with it. 

As a side note, it’s worth noting that this is why lashon hara is compared to murder by the rabbis. Lashon hara literally means “evil speech,” but refers to true statements that did not need to be made for any serious purpose and are malicious in nature. As an example, “Alex has gotten really overweight this year, huh?” might strictly speaking be true, but is nevertheless clearly intended to be mean and gossipy. Why is lashon hara taken so seriously? Because you can’t put that toothpaste back in the tube. You can’t unring that bell. Once those words have left your lips, they’re out there, forever. You can apologize, but you can’t unsay what you already said. 

Grace vs. Accountability

Ultimately, I believe that the foundational difference between how xianity approaches forgiveness and how Judaism approaches forgiveness are how it is defined in each. 

In xianity, forgiveness flows, as you said from the idea that humans were forgiven for our sins by Jesus on his own initiative, and therefore we should replicate that kind of forgiveness in our own lives. Sin is inevitable, and the work of repairing it can be done by the person who was wronged, the same way that Jesus repaired humanity’s relationship with God through his sacrifice. This creates a model that centers grace given by the wronged person. Deservingness on the part of the wrongdoer does not factor into the equation. 

At its best, this gives the person who was wronged the agency to address the problem themselves without waiting around for the wrongdoer to get it together. It has the potential to allow people with pain to let go of that pain. At its worst, it creates a system where victims are pressured (by their communities, spiritual leaders, and/or themselves) to forgive at great cost to themselves with zero accountability on the part of the offender. 

However. 

That assumes, as a baseline, that forgiveness is a prerequisite to moving on with your life. In the same way that forgiveness by God/salvation is a prerequisite to eternal life in xianity, so too is forgiveness between individuals a prerequisite to living the rest of your life without that baggage. 

Judaism makes no such assumption. In fact, it comes to rather the opposite conclusion: forgiveness may be necessary for the wrongdoer to move on, but you, the wronged person, should feel no need to provide it unless and until the person has actually rectified the situation and asked for forgiveness. (And even under those circumstances, while forgiving is the morally correct thing to do, you aren’t always actually obligated to do so.) 

Judaism operates on an accountability model that says that if you harm another person, it’s on you to fix it to that person’s satisfaction. If you are harmed by another person, you should do whatever you need to in order to move forward, but you don’t have to say that they’ve met their burden unless and until they actually do. In this view, forgiveness is not defined as grace, but rather as recognition that the person has actually held themselves accountable for their actions. 

This, too, flows from a theological perspective: G-d expects us to constantly be striving to better ourselves, which we can only do by holding ourselves fully accountable for our actions. We are moral creatures, capable of making an active choice between good and evil. While mistakes are inevitable, we elevate ourselves spiritually, not by the grace of G-d or others, but by evaluating and reflecting on our own behavior and then taking active steps towards long-lasting change. 

All of that, however, refers to direct wrongs between the wrongdoer and the wronged. I would be extremely remiss if I didn’t address … … 

Wrongs Committed Against You vs. Wrongs Committed Against Others in Your Vicinity

One of the most serious problems I have with xian theology is the fact that the concept of grace doesn’t just apply between the wrongdoer and the wronged. It also applies between bystanders and the wronged. 

Here is a great example of this: 

Many of you may not know that one of my four children has Down syndrome. Her name is Bekah, and today she is 25. Bekah went to public school in elementary and middle school and was in normal classes and had lots of friends. Later, she attended college.

Many years ago, Bekah wanted to try out for cheer leading. My wife and I were amazed at how she learned the routines – jumping in the air, doing splits, and yelling out the cheers. Unfortunately, she did not make the team which was very disappointing for her and us. She had a really hard time understanding that she could no longer cheer with the other girls.

Soon afterwards, we received a letter from the coach explaining Bekah was not cut from the team because of her disability but because…she kicked, hit, yelled and cussed while in line with the other girls. We were stunned, no shocked, because Bekah had never exhibited any of those behaviors ever in any situation.

At a sleepover a few weeks later, which Bekah hosted in our home, several of the girls who had made the team asked my wife why Bekah had not made the team. My wife gently told them about the letter. They all immediately cried out, “Ms. Ellen, that’s not true at all. Bekah didn’t do any of those things. In fact, she did great in the tryouts.” Ellen called for me and asked me to come hear what the girls were saying. They repeated it all again.

This person had not only lied but had impugned Bekah’s character and we were angry! What had been done to our daughter was dastardly. The question afterwards was, “What are we going to do about this?” We knew we could not pull these girls into a dispute with this coach. So, we had no recourse. This coach had hurt a person who could not speak up for herself due to her disability and there was nothing we could do about it…except forgive.

Did this person deserve to be forgiven? Absolutely not. But we were not going to allow a root of bitterness to grow within us that Hebrews 12:15 warns about. We were not about to give this person power over our lives. We were not about to give Satan power over us. Was it easy? No! Everything in us cried out for justice but there was none to be had.

So, we trusted Christ in us, the greatest “forgiver” of all time, to live through us so we could forgive. We wanted to live like who we are in Christ, “forgivers”, in obedience from the love in our hearts for our Father. We wanted to “forgive one another just as God had forgiven us in Christ” (Ephesians 4:32) So, we sat before the Lord and poured out to Him our anger, our hurt, and our desire for justice. Then, because God had forgiven us for all our sins we did not deserve to be forgiven for, we forgave this person; meaning, we released the person from the debt we believe they owed us. In this case, the debt would have been an admission to us and especially to Bekah of the wrong they had done.

A few weeks later, would you believe that we saw this person at a church we were visiting? We were both so glad we had been honest with God about the hurts we received from the offense and then chose to forgive. We live free today from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Praise God!

[Source: x] 

Okay, so we don’t have time to unpack all of that, but just… sit with the fact, for a moment, that Bekah is utterly silenced by this approach. Did her parents have any right to forgive the coach? No, no they did not. That was Bekah’s right, and Bekah’s alone. 

Compare that to what Rabbi Telushkin relays in his Code of Jewish Ethics: 

”The differing attitudes of Jews and Christians on granting forgiveness for serious, particularly violent, crimes is reflected in an incident that Dr. Solomon Schimmel, a psychologist and a religious Jew, relates in his book, Wounds Not Healed, concerning a Christian woman who nursed back to life a man who had murdered her parents and raped her. The man, shocked by her behavior, asked the woman, “Why didn’t you kill me?” She replied, “I am a follower of him [i.e., Jesus] who says, ‘Love your enemy.’ “A remarkable story, but as Schimmel, writing from a Jewish perspective, asks, “Why, however, is it noble to love and take care of evil people?”

“In contrast to this woman’s attitude, when the Jewish writer Cynthia Ozick was asked if it was morally appropriate to forgive a penitent Nazi SS officer who had participated in the murder of a Jewish community in Poland, she responded: “‘I forgive you,’ we say to the child who has muddied the carpet, ‘but next time don’t do it again.’ Next time, she will leave the muddy boots outside the door; forgiveness, with its enlarging capacity, will have taught her. Forgiveness is an effective teacher. Meanwhile, the spots can be washed away. But murder is irrevocable. Murder is irreversible…. Even if forgiveness restrains one from perpetrating a new batch of corpses, will the last batch come alive again?…Forgiveness is pitiless. It forgets the victim. It cultivates sensitiveness toward the murderer at the price of insensitiveness toward the victim.”

“And what of the penitent SS officer? “Let the SS man die unshriven. Let him go to hell.”

“The Jewish view can be summed up as follows: Forgiveness is almost always a virtue, but the taking of an innocent life is an unforgivable offense.”

[Source: x] 

[ethanalter]

The heartbreaking true story behind 'ALF's Special Christmas'

GIF: Alien Productions

The ’80s were a heyday for “Very Special Episodes,” those odd installments of a family sitcom and/or kids’ show where things unexpectedly got serious. Whether it was Alex P. Keaton spending an entire episode in therapy or Arnold Jackson having a harrowing encounter with a child molester, these half-hours admirably, if often awkwardly, tried to address complex subjects in ways that young viewers could process. At that time and still today, there’s never been a “Very Special Episode” quite like “ALF’s Special Christmas.” Premiering precisely 30 years ago on Dec. 14, 1987, ALF‘s hourlong Christmas tale separated the titular intergalactic immigrant from his adopted human family so that he could bring good tidings and joy to a dying young girl named Tiffany as she prepares to celebrate her very last holiday. Oh yeah, and he also prevents the hospital’s resident Santa, Mr. Foley — who is a grieving widower when not in costume — from taking a leap off of a snowy bridge.

It’s safe to say that dying children and suicidal Santas aren’t conventional ways of spreading Christmas cheer. And in the years since “ALF’s Special Christmas” premiered, the episode has frequently been written about in disbelieving tones by writers who are flummoxed by how it ever aired in the first place. Now the story can be told: Yes, Virginia there really was a Tiffany. Yahoo Entertainment learned this bombshell bit of news when we spoke with Paul Fusco, who created and voiced ALF, and writer Steve Hollander, who penned “Alf’s Special Christmas.” “The episode came out of a true story,” Fusco reveals. “I used to do a lot of Make-A-Wish things, because kids would write to ALF, and I would get calls from doctors. It’s heartbreaking when you think about it.”

Cleavon Little as Mr. Foley and Keri Houlihan as Tiffany in “Alf’s Special Christmas.” (Photo: Alien Productions)

One of the letters he received was from a girl named Tiffany Leigh Smith, whom the character in “ALF’s Special Christmas” is based on. “I don’t remember all the details, but I saved her letters and have them on file,” Fusco says. As Hollander recalls, the real Tiffany was a 9-year-old from the Midwest suffering from leukemia and eager to have a face-to-face conversation with her favorite Melmac citizen. “Someone at the local NBC station arranged a kind of video conference setup between her in her hospital bed and ALF,” he says. “He also had the presence of mind to turn on the tape and record it! [Former NBC president] Brandon Tartikoff saw it and thought, ‘We should make a Christmas special around this story.'”

While he can’t recall the specifics of his conversation with Tiffany, Fusco says that his general approach to those kinds of private appearances would be to keep the mood light and playful. “I would make jokes and small talk. I would try not to talk about their situation, which they didn’t want to talk about anyway. I would sometimes get a fact sheet about what they liked or didn’t like. And then I’d throw it to them, and ask, ‘Do you have any questions you want to ask me?’ I tried to make them laugh as much as I could and then say, ‘Hang in there, you be good — I hope to see you again.’ You leave them on a positive note; it’s about all you can do.” One rule he absolutely had was to never break character in front of the children. “These kids wanted to believe — it was magic to them. I was a magician early on in my career, and you never want to see what’s behind the curtain. You want to keep it real.”

That’s the same way that Hollander and Fusco both approached the task of turning Tiffany’s real-life story into the basis for “ALF’s Special Christmas.” Watching the episode, it’s striking how different it looks from a typical episode of ALF or, for that matter, a typical episode of any ’80s sitcom. Gone is the laugh track, the usual set, and the three-camera setup, replaced by a single camera (the episode was shot on film, rather than video), real locations — including a former hospital rented out by film and television productions — and the usual rhythm of setup and punchline. The dramatic shift is evident from the earliest scenes, when ALF’s misunderstandings of Christmas conventions lead him to exile himself from the Tanner clan, climbing into Mr. Foley’s van and ending up in the pile of presents he hands out to sick kids at the hospital. “I was unsure of how it would come off,” Fusco admits now of the special’s more serious tone. “I didn’t want it to look hokey or saccharine in any way. I was also worried how I would react in those scenes, but it was really one of the first dramatic roles that ALF had to play in the show.”

GIF: Alien Productions

In contrast, Hollander says that once he viewed the tape of ALF’s bedside chat with Tiffany and talked at length with the show’s co-creator, Tom Patchett, the story flowed easily. “In Tom’s mind, the central question for ALF was: What do you say to a little girl who is not going to see another Christmas?” Perhaps recognizing the unique tonal and narrative challenges presented by that question, Patchett allowed Hollander to pen his script outside of the writers’ room, where episodes were written and rewritten by the entire staff. “The staff was not involved in outlining the story or rewriting it. The person who could change anything was Tom.” And Hollander remembers that Patchett didn’t want to change very much about the script that he turned in. “Maybe 10-15 percent was cut out just for time. There was one scene in the beginning where the Tanners are driving to their family cabin, and ALF is in the backseat in a child’s seat with a little steering wheel. And every two seconds, he’s going, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’ That didn’t get filmed because of production scheduling. But other than that, nothing major was taken out or added.”

One scene that was always in the script, much to Fusco’s concern, was a sequence where ALF would play doctor to a pregnant woman, helping deliver her baby while they were both stranded in an elevator. Hollander wrote that encounter into the script as a way to generate some laughs in an otherwise serious episode. “I was kind of on edge about that scene,” Fusco confesses now. “Any time they could put ALF in a doctor’s suit or something stupid like that, I was always like, ‘No, no, no, no!’ But they said, ‘You need to balance the jokes off with the dying child.’ It’s probably the silliest moment in the episode, but I think the audience forgave us.”

GIF: Alien Productions

As per “Very Special Episode” tradition, “ALF’s Special Christmas” features a pair of very special guest stars. Blazing Saddles leading man Cleavon Little personally sought out the role of Mr. Foley, a character Fusco says he hoped veteran character actor Barnard Hughes might play. “Our casting person said that Cleavon was either a fan of the show or made some overture that he was interested in the part. I thought, ‘Wow, that’s a total 180 from where I was going with it!’ I don’t think he started out as a comedic actor and, because of Blazing Saddles, he probably wanted a dramatic role again. He was a fun guy to work with.”

And Fusco couldn’t resist injecting a little Blazing Saddles-style humor into his relatively few scenes with Little. While shooting the bridge sequence, where ALF talks Mr. Foley back from the literal ledge, the actor went off-script for the first take. “I yelled ‘Jump,’ and then said, ‘You’ve got nothing left; you might as well do it — it’s the right choice.’ The crew went crazy! I think that broke the ice with Cleavon.” (It’s worth noting that Little also shares scenes with another future star, Carl Franklin, who plays Tiffany’s doctor. Franklin has since become a respected director, alternating features like Devil in a Blue Dress with episodic work on shows like House of Cards and The Leftovers.)

GIF: Alien Productions

For the role of Tiffany, meanwhile, NBC indulged in a little cross-promotion by suggesting that the producers cast child actress Keri Houlihan, one of the stars of the Wilford Brimley drama Our House. Fusco says he’s uncertain whether Houlihan — who left acting after Our House ended in 1988 — was aware that she was playing a real person. But neither she nor NBC insisted on providing the fictional Tiffany with a last-minute reprieve via, say, a Melmacian serum or a Christmas miracle. The last time we see her, she’s sadly waving goodbye to ALF from the window of her hospital room, a clear signal that she won’t be going home. (A closing title card pays tribute to the real Tiffany.) “That never came up — maybe because there was a real story there,” Hollander says when asked whether the network wanted a happier ending. “Nobody thought, ‘We’ve got to make a cheerful Christmas story. It was a true situation; we weren’t trying to invent a story.” In fact, Fusco remembers receiving letters from Tiffany’s mother and doctor after the girl’s death. “They said that by just allowing her to talk to ALF, it prolonged her life by maybe a month. It gave her hope to hold on to.”

While “ALF’s Special Christmas” is often met with baffled reactions today, 30 years ago it helped the sitcom attain its perch among 1987’s most highly rated shows. And rather than be upset by it, young viewers seemed to take its serious storyline in stride. “The phone was ringing off the hook for sponsors as soon as that episode aired,” remembers Hollander, who went on to work as a co-producer during the show’s third season and also wrote a two-part Thanksgiving special where ALF aids a homeless man in the Tanners’ neighborhood. “My mother watched the show with some young kids from the neighborhood and said, ‘They didn’t laugh once!’ And I said, ‘That’s great, Mom. That’s just what I wanted.’ It was a true situation and we had this character that kids didn’t know was just a puppet. ALF had meaning to a lot of children.”

Photo: Alien Productions

Fusco expresses similar sentiments about kids’ affection for his alien alter ego blunting any emotional trauma from Tiffany’s story. “They believed enough in the character that we were able to pull it off and keep it real. They saw the emotion and felt that ALF had more range than just being a one-line jokester.” At the same time, he’s aware that “ALF’s Special Christmas” is more of a time capsule for a vanished era of TV as opposed to a source of inspiration for contemporary sitcoms. “What shows are doing that kind of thing today? The Big Bang Theory wouldn’t do something like that. Did we overdo it back then? Or is it because there’s so much horror in the world right now, we want to give audiences pure escapism? Buying into the character was the important part, and it apparently worked because people are moved by it.”

ALF is available to rent or purchase on Amazon, or stream for free on Amazon Prime with a Starz subscription.

Read more from Yahoo Entertainment: The 30 best TV moments of 2017  Celebrities who lit up 2017 All of ‘The Office’ Christmas episodes, ranked

[bargewall99-blog]

A Road to Ending Mass Incarceration?

DECEMBER 15, 2018

NEARLY ONE IN 100 adult Americans is behind bars. That means approximately 2.3 million people are incarcerated in the United States. The US has more people imprisoned than India and China combined, and the US per capita incarceration rate is eight and five times higher than Germany and Australia, respectively. Norway and Los Angeles have about the same population, yet Norway has roughly 3,000 people incarcerated, while Los Angeles has 50,000.

These are some of the background facts offered by Greg Berman, director, and Julian Adler, director of policy and research, of the New York–based Center for Court Innovation, in their cogent book, Start Here: A Road Map to Reducing Mass Incarceration. While concern about mass incarceration has been increasing and various state, municipal, and nongovernmental programs promote imprisonment alternatives, Berman and Adler underscore that judges, prosecutors, and police officers generally have a constrained array of choices for the accused. Stiff 1990s and 2000s sentencing laws are still in place that also incline prosecutors to charge defendants with felonies. The result is that “[t]he United States locks up more of its citizens than any other country on earth.” Moreover, Berman and Adler stress that undue jailings and prison terms are “accelerants of human misery” because individuals are often traumatized while incarcerated and become entrenched with distrust for the halls of justice. “If you are poor or mentally ill or struggling to keep your family together, when you enter, the chances are that all of these conditions will be markedly worse when you come out,” Berman and Adler write.

The challenges for reducing mass incarceration are complicated and nuanced, and Berman and Adler offer a smoothly written survey of the background conditions and the responses that different jurisdictions and advocacy groups are trying — for example, risk analysis for detention and sentencing decisions; cognitive therapy programs for accused or convicted offenders with aggressive or addictive traits; raising awareness within the judiciary of counterproductive fees and fines; and alternative legal venues for drug users and young adults. They state and restate that it will take sustained effort on many fronts and gradual cultural shifts, but that there are enough effective responses and instances of culture change to demonstrate that significantly reducing incarceration can be done.

Another cross-cutting truism that Berman and Adler reiterate is that treating the accused with a humane touch can make a huge difference. How a defendant subjectively experiences the criminal justice system will affect his or her future behavior; empathic corrective treatment can go far in raising an individual’s ability to handle future life challenges in a law-abiding manner. “In our experience, the best way to change the behavior of defendants is by creating caring relationships with social workers, judges, mentors, clergy, family members, employers, and others,” Berman and Adler write. “Almost no one transforms their life without positive connections with their fellow human beings.”

Indeed, reformers are trying to address defendants’ hardening experience with courts and law enforcement. Berman and Adler point to the “procedural justice” approach, seminally articulated by Yale law professor Tom Tyler in Why People Obey the Law. Its major thrust is “that defendants who experience a justice process that they perceive to be fair and transparent are more likely to be law-abiding in the future.” Berman and Adler further enunciate four key procedural justice criteria that the accused should feel as they go through the criminal justice process:

voice (were you given a chance to tell your side of the story?); respect (were you treated with dignity?); neutrality (did you perceive decision makers as unbiased and trustworthy?); and understanding (did you understand your rights, obligations and the decisions that were made about you?).

The authors describe how Newark Judge Victoria Pratt, who presided over the city’s municipal court and a specially created community court, the Newark New Community Solutions court, employed procedural justice in a setting marked by recidivism, unpayable fines, and distressing and dangerous incarceration conditions at the city’s notorious Green Street jail. “I just get on the bench and treat people the way I would want my family members to be treated,” Pratt says.

Berman and Adler’s organization, the Center for Court Innovation, helped set up the special Newark New Community Solutions court, as well as the Brooklyn alternative court Red Hook Community Justice Center, whose judge, Alex Calabrese, is similarly noted for his articulate interaction with defendants. As part of its operations, the Red Hook Justice Center also “links thousands of defendants to social services and community restitution projects in lieu of jail and fines.”

The book’s narrative is especially vivid when Berman and Adler discuss specific proactive programs in different states that target different at-risk populations. For example, there is innovation even in the difficult area of domestic violence, typified by Iowa’s ACTV (Achieving Change Through Value-Based Behavior) program that focuses on coping skills and features a nonjudgmental elicitation as to what the offenders most value. In the case managers experience, the offenders are surprisingly clear that children, family, spirituality, and work are standout priorities. “A lot of them have just never been asked what’s important to them, and then a lot of them don’t know how to live a life in service of those values,” says Amie Zarling, the Iowa State University forensic psychologist who developed ACTV. While the rigorous 24-session ACTV program had a relatively high drop-out rate, the state’s review found that incidents of domestic violence dropped by two-thirds among those who completed ACTV relative to those enrolled in standard treatment programs, and a violent crime re-offense rate of eight percent compared to 23 percent.

Another interesting program is Seattle’s LEAD (Law Enforcement Assisted Diversion) program by which law enforcement officers who confront individuals with signs of drug abuse can direct them to service providers, avoiding booking and incarceration. LEAD’s staffers work with many challenging individuals, often homeless or suffering mental illness, yet, as Berman and Adler point out, “research to date does show that LEAD participants are significantly less likely to be rearrested than those in a control group.”

To no one’s surprise, drugs loom large, but Berman and Adler point out that, contrary to common wisdom, drug convictions do not make up the bulk of US incarceration. Nonviolent drug crimes account for about 16 percent of state-level imprisonment cases while violent offenses predominate at 53.2 percent, according to a 2014 study the authors cite. However, what is a violent offense is dubious, and Berman and Adler offer robbery, the top charge of 180,000 state prisoners, as a murky example, as reflected in the Department of Justice’s Bureau of Justice Statistics definition — “Robbery is the completed or attempted theft, directly from a person, of property or cash by force or threat of force, with or without a weapon, and with or without injury.” More to the point, the authors mention that six out of 10 defendants test positive for illegal drugs at the time of arrest, underscoring that problems with drugs figure significantly with mass incarceration.

This has been appreciated for years, and in 1989 Miami legal advocates, including then state attorney Janet Reno, instituted the first of the drug treatment courts, specialized courts with judges schooled in addiction who can prescribe drug treatment and other options for defendants in lieu of imprisonment. The drug court idea has proved attractive, and Berman and Adler report that the nation’s 3,000 drug courts are now in every state. The social science research supports their efficacy, with a 2011 Department of Justice–funded study finding that over an 18-month period, drug court participants were one-third less likely to succumb to drug use and committed less than half the criminal acts than a comparative group of defendants steered through regular criminal justice processing. Yet, drug courts are not connecting with enough individuals, and Berman and Adler cite a 2008 study that “as few as 3.8 percent of potentially treatable arrestees are participating in a drug court.”

Jailing those awaiting trial or who cannot pay penalty fees is another bloating and tragic aspect of mass incarceration. In contrast to prisons, where individuals typically go for longer than one-year sentences, people are placed in jail for shorter misdemeanor sentences or because they have been denied bail or cannot pay bail and punitive fines. The authors cite that 60 percent of the US jail population is awaiting trial — that is, before a court has determined guilt or innocence. The population rotated into prison is also huge: 11.5 million were admitted to jail in 2014 while in the same year, state and federal prisons combined admitted 700,000 individuals. Berman and Adler further point to federal statistics reporting that from 1980 to 2008, “the number of inmates housed in a local jail on any given day in the United States increased by 426 percent (from 184,000 to 785,500).” Of course, there is the human cost, with jails being overcrowded and dangerous, and many people have their lives and finances significantly impaired with just short stays.

Perhaps most distressing is the common situation in which poor people get roped into fines, even for infractions, that they do not have the financial means to pay for and so end up in jail. Ferguson, Missouri, and the ensuing federal report brought this to national attention. “In St. Louis, recent events have exposed a toxic relationship between communities of color and local government, much of it driven by the insight that the justice system was using fees and fines to balance budgets,” Berman and Adler write.

In all jurisdictions, it will take a culture change and keen attention on the part of judges to redress the injustice of jailing poor people for inability to pay fines. Berman and Adler quote Newark Judge Pratt recounting the absurdity of a prosecutor calling for a 50-dollar fine for a defendant that came to court with only one shoe. “It’s my job as the judge to ensure that the interests of justice are met. It doesn’t serve the interest of justice to give somebody a fine they can’t pay and not give them a way to pay it.”

Yet, there is some significant change occurring, and Berman and Adler point to the example of New York City’s Rikers Island jail, where inmates are geographically separated from support and historically subject to horrendous conditions. New York City has cut the Rikers Island population to 10,000 down from 20,000, and the authors describe the current politics and consensus to eventually close the jail. Berman and Adler also discuss Washington, DC, with the DC jail population 50 percent below capacity, and nine out of ten defendants “released (either on their own recognizance or with supervision) while their cases are pending.” The DC justice system employs risk analysis, which has gained currency and sophistication nationwide, so that judges can tailor the release conditions for each defendant.

Toward the end of the book, Berman and Adler focus on state-wide initiatives for reducing mass incarceration. Many state governments, burdened with huge costs, look to reverse the mass incarceration trend by adding drug courts, treatment and job training programs, and other measures. According to Berman and Adler, the progress is bipartisan, as demonstrated by reform in states run with conservative governors and legislatures, such as Georgia, Utah, and Mississippi. This is all the more critical, given the back-and-forth revision of proposed federal sentencing reform and an acting and nominated new attorney general, whose sympathies for reducing imprisonment are dubious.

A particular challenge for states is to not reverse reform when there is an instance of a parolee committing a horrible crime. When this occurs, the response has on occasion been stricter sentencing and revised laws, some of which are eponymous laws, named after a victim, such as Megan’s Law. This puts reforming legislators and open-minded prosecutors in tight binds. “[T]he immediate aftermath of a unique tragedy may not be the best time to construct new frameworks that will govern how thousands of future cases will be handled,” Berman and Adler write.

For example, they contrast Utah’s and Arkansas’s responses to similar events. Utah, on the one hand, resisted reversing its successful program to reduce incarceration in 2016 after Salt Lake City police officer Doug Barney was killed by a parolee who absconded from a prescribed drug treatment program. Arkansas, on the other hand, reversed its reformed incarceration program, passed in 2011, after a recurrent offender and parolee murdered a young man. The result: “[T]he parole boards shut the door […] [and] Arkansas now has the second-fastest rate of prison growth in the country.” Berman and Adler are emphatic that these reverses are counterproductive and hurt many who would abide by the terms of their release.

Adding critical nuance, Start Here frequently brings up racial injustice, poverty, and other social concerns, highlighting the significant criticism for risk analysis, as it relies heavily on history of defendants, who might very well have faced incidental or systematic racism in their past criminal justice encounters. The authors also offer balanced prescriptions throughout, such as the last chapter’s three overarching fronts for change: crime prevention in communities; treat with respect everyone involved in the criminal justice system; and expand the array of sanctions available for judges. Although the book’s prescriptions are more of a collection of compelling responses than a road map, Start Here contains articulate discussions and narratives that yield a vision for a future United States that will not stand out for its distressing mass incarceration.

¤

Richard Blaustein is a freelance journalist writing on science and environmental and legal developments.

Source: https://lareviewofbooks.org/article/a-road-to-ending-mass-incarceration/

[thesinglesjukebox]

ALANIS MORISSETTE - REASONS I DRINK

[6.22]

"Habits (Stay Hydrated)"...

Will Adams: Alanis Morissette doing her own version of "Habits (Stay High)": better than you'd expect! There's a bit of melodrama -- the plonking piano; the "here we are!" that reminds me of "Alone"; too much reverb -- that undercuts the seriousness of the lyrics. Like "Ironic," the crux of the song is that it betrays its own title. The reasons in question are never given, and that's the point; when drinking becomes just another thing you do every day, there's no longer any justification needed. You do it because it's what you've always done. The song scratches at that terrifying thought, but not quite enough. [6]

Brad Shoup: That pounding piano! Thought Morissette and Alex Hope were giving us a Bareilles banger. But it settles into a circuit, content to support a typically wonderful, messy Morissette text. She draws the line between wanting and needing a drink, and all around this axis she plots these little asides about being Alanis: being rich and symbolic and an entertainer. When she hollers you can tell she's listening to Top 40 with a real curiosity; when she slams into the chorus you can hear Heart. [9]

Alex Clifton: I really love how the piano line sounds like it was stolen from a Sara Bareilles track, mostly because that's not what I ever expected from Alanis. In fact, if Alanis didn't have such a distinctive voice, I might've guessed that Sara Bareilles wrote this on a (very dark) bad day. Jagged Little Pill was such a landmark album in the 90s in part because Morissette is so good at channelling naked emotion through her voice, and while this doesn't sneer like some of her older material, it's still got some bite. "Even though I've been busted/I don't know where to draw the line 'cause that groove has gotten so deep" strikes me particularly hard, if only because I have my own finely-worn ruts of maladaptive coping skills. Reckless behaviour comes easy after a while. Admitting you're destroying yourself is harder. I can't tell if the jauntiness of this song is meant as a distraction from the content of the lyrics, or if it's ironically detached. Either way, it sounds good. [7]

Vikram Joseph: Despite the familiarity of the chord progressions and rhythmic piano jabs, Alanis Morrisette's longstanding disdain for rhyme schemes and her bracing vocal high-wire act -- belting this out like a showtune -- keep "Reasons I Drink" sounding slightly off-kilter. She's still such an unusual lyricist -- a lot of her lines here are blunt to the point of being slightly uncomfortable ("nothing can give me a break from this torture like they do") but then there's a peculiar, dramatic declaration about buying a Lamborghini, and intonation that makes "sick industry" sound like "sick in the street", and a chorus that crams in "long overdue respite" for, really, no good reason. In both its strangeness and familiarity it feels a bit like a '90s anachronism, but for better or worse it's definitely her anachronism. [6]

Leah Isobel: I believe that pop music is inseparable from its context. A great pop song pinpoints its performer in that moment and then transcends it; through performance, phrasing and word choice, its images and ideas grow bigger until they become abstract symbols. It's tempting to write a song in those big, abstract platitudes, but the specificity has to come first or else it's meaningless. Here Alanis demonstrates that it's also tempting to only write the specifics, and in doing so creates a piece of musical theatre without a play to hang itself on. [5]

Ian Mathers: Another discovery on our mutual march to inevitable death; it is possible to be genuinely happy to see an artist from your earlier years still doing their thing and to discover their thing is no longer anything you yourself need to listen to, and these things don't contradict each other at all! [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The lyrics are far from her most memorable works, but her voice flagellates enough to create large, theatrical swells. She justifies the staid piano chord plinks, transforming the song into a martial anthem for the adult contemporary set. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: The 2010s-now-2020s are bad -- blistering take I know -- but when did they get so bad that an alarming number of musicians are finding escapism, or at least career pivots, in the most saccharine, jaunty piano stomps that sound remarkably like Emeli Sande's "Next to Me"? To be fair, "Reasons I Drink" also sounds a great deal like Heart's "Alone" and fun. -- and if we're really being honest and damn the connotations, Amanda Palmer circa Who Killed Amanda Palmer -- but what it doesn't particularly sound like is an Alanis song. It's written like an Alanis song, obviously. The subject -- drinking being crushing and fun, the music industry being crushing and more crushing, millennial burnout as experienced first by Gen X -- aren't novel, for Alanis or anyone. But what other songwriter would crash the word "medicated" out of the scansion, or decide at the last possible minute to throw into her chorus something about getting lit, or generally grover together so many bad writing habits that the result is an unmistakable individual voice? (No, the answer to that last one isn't me.) But it's not an ideal Alanis song, not least because Alanis at her peak, when writing a song called "Reasons I Drink," would produce an itemized list of 55. [5]

Josh Langhoff: These are 21 things that I want in an Alanis song. 1) Indifference to rhyme. 2) Indifference to making syllabic stresses line up with musical accents. 3) The sense that this "indifference" is actually a formal choice. 4) The sense that these formal choices are actually, partly, trolling. 5) Along those lines, heretofore unsingable phrases like "give reprieve" and "long overdue respite." 6) Likewise, weird slang ("lily pad"???) that I'm guessing nobody else uses but maybe I'm wrong because Canada. 7) Vocal hectoring. 8) Also braying. 9) Several different vocal timbres per song. 10) But at least one of them should be obnoxious, they can't just be variations on breathiness. 11) Gigantic hooks... [Note: So far so good!] 12) ... that don't sound like anyone else's. (I'm hearing Heart's "Alone" in the chorus, and my wife spotted Emeli Sandé in the piano groove.) 13) If they do sound like someone else's, at least the possibility that such copycatting poured forth as part of the same unfiltered spew as the words. 14) Vocal treatment that doesn't obscure the word "respite" because we pay to hear that shit. 15) I mean come on -- does she have to sound like she's trying so hard for a Hot AC add? 16) Still, I love that her idea of retail therapy is buying a Lamborghini rather than a car anyone in the past 20 years has thought about. 17) Evidence that we're around the same age and level of self-awareness. 18) The sense that she's trying too hard to fuck with structural paradigms. 19) Motherfucking lists, baby! 20) A whiff of unrealized ambitions, because that's just Life. [8]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[shared-diaries-online]

Entry 26 - Return

March 19, 2019

Dear “Diary,”

         I’m pretty sure I saw Ada. I know how impossible that is, but still, I’m pretty sure I saw her in the crowds that took to the streets when the weather improved. We were all out celebrating a brief taste of early spring. Myself included. Maybe you noticed I’m not the time. Maybe not. Honestly, there are just some days that are so nice personal inclinations just don’t matter. There’s no justification for deprivation.

         I went out by myself, mind you. I do have friends, but I tend to come and go from their lives. They find it concerning, but they’ve learned to cope.

         Sometimes I just need the comfort that comes from a faux isolation. To not have to worry about the way I’m presenting to anyone else or how they might be interpreting the things I do and/or say.  It’s a chance to recharge my batteries.

         Especially so when I get to go to the lake. And stare out at the water. Not quite sure where this might have come from, but I feel a deep sense of calm when I’m by large bodies of water I could easily drown in. Not that I actually would. Or it’s not likely. Sure it’s not a guarantee, but I’m an incredibly strong swimmer. And my strongest attribute is that I know when I’m in over my head. For example, I never would actually got out into the lake. The water has essentially no visibility, and there’s no telling what could possible be in the water.

         But back in high school, I never had to face anything like this. We didn’t have lakes; we had perfectly maintained swimming pools.  That’s how I learned. At first with my father holding me up and then with him carefully watching over me.  By the time he died, I could swim on my own, and I did. Constantly. As one way of coping.

         I could have joined the school’s swim team. But it was that or the math team, and math seemed like a better long term investment because of those things called “balance.” Sports are great, but overindulgence might cause your body to break down. And I was worried that this was going to happen to me because swimming could never be just one thing: activity, sport, job, hobby, therapy… There’s always going to be an overlap unless I prioritized self care above everything else. And besides, it wasn’t like I wouldn’t have a good math-related career waiting for me if I made that choice.

         But still, I could see how lucrative swim related professions are. So when I turned eighteen, I tried to get a taste of that. The second I was eligible, I became a certified life guard and got a job at a resort just outside the city. The kind that sells itself as a one-stop, everything-you-could-need vacation destination because it’s not like the immediate area has anything to offer. Personally, it’s not something I would have ever called a vacation, but I guess if you were trapped in enough winters, cabin fever would start to do weird things to your brain.

         I actually kind of liked that job. The guests could be pretty horrible, but management was so paranoid about safety, they had an obscene number of lifeguards on duty at any given time and paid us an obscene about of money to keep us motivated to not to lose those jobs through inattentiveness. And it largely worked. It’s hard to say. We could never be so inattentive when we were essentially babysitting adults who constantly acted like small children, but the pay did keep us around. It helped that we were all young and focused on the number on that slip of paper we got every other week. It was more than we had ever seen in our own hands before.

         I wasn’t interesting enough to do anything with the money besides let it sit in my checking account for college. But if the stories of my co-workers were anything to go by, I was the only one.

         There was this chick named Luna who would tell me all of them. Not her real name or her nickname, but close enough, I guess.

         We started on the same day, training and all. And from the moment we first met, it was pretty clear she was into me. The hearts/stars were in her eyes. Probably because I wore my pain on my face, and Luna was the quintessential “I can fix this person” type. And it’s not a malicious type of person or habit or impulse. It’s this whole thing about finding validation in taking for another person, in helping them heal, or in giving them something wonderful. Something like their freedom.

         Luna and I never got together. That’s anticlimactic, I know, but this is the one time in my life when I had a lick of sense and kept out of a relationship that was doomed to implode. So I was strong once, clearly.

         But why haven’t I blocked Ada’s number yet? That’s a question she’s asking too…

Digitally yours,

Alex

[dkarchives-blog]

The Last (and worst) Argument Over Alex | Mackaaron

Wiping her hands off after cleaning up the kitchen, Mack jumped at the sound of the doorbell ringing throughout the house. "I got it!" Mack called out gently to Aaron, wherever he was, before proceeding to the front door. She pulled open the front door, only to find a large package on their doorstep. Mack's eyebrows immediately furrowed at the sight of the lone package and she leaned down to see who had sent it. At the sight of Charlottes name on the return address, Mack's face lit up. Scooping he package up in her arms, she made her way back to the kitchen quickly, wanting to open it up immediately. Mack hadn't been expecting anything, but she was a sucker for surprises. That was something charlotte knew for a fact. As she stood in the kitchen, Mack pulled open the package and gasped as balloons flew up out of it and quickly rose to the ceiling. One thing was certain, her best friend never half assed anything. This was no exception. Mack picked up an envelope that sat on the top of a few smaller boxes, quickly tearing it open. Mack's eyes quickly scanned over a wedding invitation with a question at the bottom. Charlotte had asked Mack to be her maid of honor.

Aaron was finally back on his feet. He wasn't training with the team, but he was doing therapy and he wasn't on his crutches anymore. It was something. So he was showering and only walked out as he heard the bell ring, quickly changing into comfortable clothes and making his way down the stairs. "Those balloons weren't there, right?" He asked playfully, arching an eyebrow and walking over to her happily. "What's up though?"

"Oh, no." Mack replied with a shake of the head, flashing Aaron a wide smile as she was unable to hide her excitement. Not even for a second. She showed Aaron the envelope, then leaning on the tips of her toes to examine the box's contents further. "Char asked me to be her maid of honor," Mack breathed out, her smile having yet to falter in the slightest bit.

Aaron had no idea that Charlotte was supposed to get married, so for a moment, he smiled as widely as he could. "Seriously? Charlotte is getting married to whom?" He asked curiously. The last relationship of hers that he had heard from was Alex, and he didnt think he was the wedding type. Except, as Aaron read the card, he took in a sharp breath. "She's marrying Alex."

"To-" Mack began before stopping herself. The reality of the entire situation hit her like a train. Charlotte was marrying Alex. If there was one thing Aaron hated most in this world, it was Alex. Mack swallowed hard at this realization, shaking her head slowly as Aaron spoke. "She uh, they've been together for awhile now, babe." Mack began gently.

Aaron set the card down on the surface, nodding slowly and looking back at her as she spoke up. "No, right. I guess...I haven't been paying attention." Truth be told, they never talked about Charlotte because it was always an argument, so Aaron was already dreading this conversation.

Mack swallowed hard, nodding a little. Her gaze dropped to the floor for a moment before her eyes moved up to his face. "Will you come with me?" Mack asked gently. God, she knew it was a long shot. But surely it was worth a try, right?

Aaron hated being put in a position where he just couldnt fucking say what he was really thinking and what he really wanted. Maxk asking that, definitely fit in those because he just would never leave her alone anywhere near that guy. He looked down at the table and shrugged, moving to get some water from the fridge. "Yeah, I guess. If you want to go, its not like I really have a choice, you know?"

Mack shook her head a little at his words, "you have a choice, Aaron." Mack replied quickly. "I don't want you to come if you're going to be miserable," in that, Mack knew she was asking a lot. She knew Aaron hated Alex, but what was she supposed to do? It was her best friends wedding. How could Mack possible have a good time if she knew Aaron was hating every second?

"Not really. You're my wife. I gotta take care of you." Aaron said with a frown, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. He didn't want her to be alone, especially with that guy around. He would never trust Alex anf hebdidnt understand how other people did. How Mack did. "Look, I'll go. Whatever."

Mack's eyebrows furrowed a little at Aaron's words and she shook her head a little. Then, it made sense. Aaron would only come to ensure Mack's safety. Mack moved closer to Aaron, looking up at him intently as she did so. "I'll be safe, okay? I have no intentions of talking to him or anything it's just...she's my best friend, Aaron."

Aaron drank water, setting the glass down carefully and looked down at Mack as she got closer, frowning at her. "So, you actually just don't want me to go?" He asked, clearly missing the point here. If she wanted to go alone then so be it, even if it made the qhole ten times worse. Aaron was not going to fucking get into this all over again. He was tired.

Mack's eyebrows immediately furrowed at Aaron's words and she shook her head quickly. "What? No. Of course not." Mack replied quickly, extending a hand out to his arm gently. "Of course I want you to come. I want that more than anything. But I don't want you to be miserable the whole time," Mack breathed out gently, clearly not understanding the grudge Aaron had against Alex.

Aaron didn't move away, but he looked over at the card on the counter as she spoke up, not really seeing the difference. "I will not be happy either way, Mack." He mumbled under his breath, sighing a little and just wanting to get this over with. "I'll just...do whatever you want, okay?"

"Why?" Mack breathed out as soon as the words left his mouth, her gaze never leaving his even as he looked away. "You don't even have to talk to him. You don't have to get close to him," Mack elaborated gently, wishing that this weren't so difficult. "I don't see the problem," Mack breathed out breathlessly, shaking her head slowly as she did so.

Aaron frowned. "Why what?" He asked with a small sigh, immediately looking u pat her as she mentioned him. His problem was with Alex. Hell, he didnt know how Charlotte was with someone that had literally hurt Mack before. He had even hurt Aaron too when Aaron tried to play tough. He just stared at her for a moment and then moved to begin walking to t living room. "You're right, there's no problem. Like I said, you decide what is it that you want me to do, Mack. I'll be playing video games."

"Why won't you be happy either way? Like I said, you don't have to interact with him," Mack asked him, the grown becoming more and more evident on her features as she did so. Mack knew very well why Aaron had such a hard problem letting this go, but it wasn't about Alex. It was about Charlotte. Either way, Alex had given Mack a heartfelt apology. He had really meant it and evident regretted laying a hand on her. Mack wouldn't hold a grudge after all that. Mack watched as he moved into the living room, shaking her head slowly as she followed behind him. "Aaron, wait. Stop. Please just talk to me," Mack breathed out, reaching out to grab his hand gently.

Aaron stopped walking as she grabbed hus hand, turning around to look at her but taking his hand back as he did so. "No." He let out softly, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair, making it even messier. "I don't want to. We have talked about this shit enough times so you know where I stand, Mack. What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie to you and everyone else and say that I'm over it? I am not over it. I have nothing good to think about him. I have not heard a single thing about him that I like. Ever. He hit you, and after that you went to him and you know what? He kicked my ass because I was a dumbass and thought I defending you. When you actually defended him. I am not having this arument again. So please don't." He said quickly, looking rught into her eyes as he did so.

Mack's heart sank as soon as Aaron pulled his hand from her hold, shaking her head slowly as she looked up at him. Aaron wasn't wrong, she knew exactly how he felt about Alex. But where did that leave Mack? She swallowed hard as soon as he mentioned that Alex hit her, dropping her gaze to the floor for a moment. Mack's eyes then moved back up to Aaron as he finished, her eyes scanning between both of his quickly. "I did not defend him," Mack breathed out before continuing, "yes, he hit me. But he apologized, Aaron. He sincerely apologized and I know that if he could take it back then he would. I don't have the energy to hold a grudge against him. I won't live the rest of my life holding a grudge against someone when someone has apologized for what they've done and changed their ways. You've gotta stop blaming him, though. This isn't me defending him but if you're mad at anyone for that fight then be mad at me. It's my fault," Mack began explaining quickly, her eyes welling up with tears, "I asked him to smoke that night after I found out you had with Bella. I sent the text that made it seem like I was in trouble. So when you came in defensive, he acted on it. Just like you would have. It's /my/ fault."

"No, his is you defending him. Again. Jesus Christ, Mack." He mumbled, looking back at her and blinking several times when he felt his eyes getting wet. Fuck this. He was not going to get emotional over this. No. Aaron immediately sniffled and shook his head. "I don't want to talk to you. You wanted me to get mad at you? Fine. There. You have achieved it. This is awesome. Amazing." He retorted harshly, taking a few steps away from her. "Bella was my friend! You knew how I felt about him. And that shit was not a fight. /I/ ended up with the wounds. Not him. Me. Your fucking husband. I am not gonna fucking stand here and listen to you say that he is innocent. You wanted me not to go to the wedding? Fine, I'm not going. I sure as hell am not. I have never asked you to choose between Charlotte and I. Even when I know everytime you two hang out. He is there. He probably thinks I'm an idiot too. But I deal with it because I love you. Because it's worth it. I want nothing to do with them. If you do, then thats your business and your problem and I just try to support you even when I am not happy about it. What ekse do you want?"

"I'm not-" Mack began as the hot tears quickly escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks. As Aaron continued, Mack's heartbeat picked up in her chest. God, was this even worth it? She thought so, Charlotte was her best friend. But on the other hand, Aaron was everything to her. This was such a double standard in her eyes, though. The entire thing. "Yeah, she was your "friend" who also hit me and never apologized for it. She hit you too yet you /kept/ trying to be her friend, Aaron! After everything she did not just to me, even though I did absolutely nothing to her, but to you too! She hit and punched you more times than I can even begin to count! You can forgive that, repeatedly, and not get over this? What makes her so special?" Mack asked quickly as she tears continued to fall, growing more upset by the second, not daring to break his gaze as she did so.

Aaron was upset. He was angry, he was sad. There were too many feelings right now and he felt them all in the knot formed in hsi throat and his stomach. It was as if Mack had slapped him across his face but as soon as she stopped tlaking, it was Aaron's turn. "What do you even know about Bella and I? You know nothing! Absolutely nothing." He blurted out, staring down at her. "Where is she now, Mack? Where? I cut her off as soon as you asked me too! I cut her off when I saw how much it hurt you. I did it for you! You know why? Because Bella for a long while was my only friend apart from Drew. She cared about me! And you know what I did as soon as I saw you? I fucked her over. I messed that up. That was on me. And I knew I was the only one she had. And I didn't fucking care. So when I had the chance I just wanted her to be fucking okay. But I will never regret cutting her off because you didnt deserve to deal with all of that. I will never forgive Bella for hurting you. Ever. And I wil never forgive myself for how I treated her either. For hitting her." He replied with as much strenght as she could until finally, he slowed down.

Mack felt sick. Honestly, she felt as though she could have thrown up right then and there. She hated arguing with Aaron more than anything in this world, he was all she had. Mack swallowed hard as she listened to him speak, looking ahead so her eyes fixated on his chest rather than his face. "You gave her more than she ever deserved," Mack breathed out, shaking her head slowly as the tears continued to fall. Mack felt Aaron did. What had Bella ever done for Aaron? If the feelings of caring for each other were mutual, Bella would have never laid a hand on Mack. Ever. Mack shook her head slowly, pushing her hair from her face. "Just forget if. Forget Alex. Forget Charlotte. I won't go either. It's not worth it, it's not worth this,"'Mack replied quickly, finally moving her eyes to his.

Aaron noticed that she wasn't looking at him and as a result, he looked away too, not being strong enough to say more or to argue more. He had never talked to Mack about . Bunch of thinga from his past. And he never would because he was too scared she would look at him differently. So a part of him expected her not to understand. Aaron just sighed and wiped his tears, swallowing hard. "That is the thing. I always do. I always forget them. You're the one that doesn't." He whispered slowly, giving her one last look before going to the balcony, not intending on talking anymore.

Mack shook her head quickly as she listened to Aaron's words, not being able to believe it. Mack stood frozen for a moment as Aaron made his way out onto the balcony, feeling as if she would walk, her legs would give out. The tears fell faster now that Aaron was gone and she quickly found herself sobbing, chest heaving up and down quickly as she tried just to catch her breath. She finally proceeded to the kitchen, grabbing the package and yanking the balloons down before setting them all down by the trash. This wasn't worth it. She was tired of going through this time and time again. Even if it meant losing her best friend. Mack then made her way upstairs into their room, closing the door behind herself.

Though Aaron eventually joined Mack in bed, she was already fast asleep when he did. So he fell asleep after a while, trying to calm down and not end up sobbing. The following day was as quiet as ever between them, Aaron left as early as he could for therapy and when he arrived and Mack did too, it was just silence. More than 24 hours had passed the next morning and Aaron was genuinely tired. He hated arguing with Mack. He was playing tough, but even that was too much when it came to Mack. It was like 5 AM and Aaron was just waiting for Mack to wake up so he could talk to her, eyes closed as he looked at the alarm clock in his nightstand.

Mack woke up with tears falling down her cheeks. The last 24 had been hell. Absolutely hell. She hadn't spoken all day. Her and Aaron hadn't as much as uttered a word to each other and it was killing her. As consciousness came to Mack, completely unaware that her husband was next to her, her body began trembling with the sobs that were leaving her lips. How could she let this escalate? She should have dropped Alex as soon as he hit her. That very moment. Mack pushed herself up, shifting to do so which caused her leg to hit Aaron's. She jumped initially at the contact, then turning to him to find him already awake. The tears only fell faster at the sight and she immediately moved over to him, unable to speak. She cuddled up to him, nuzzling her face into his chest as she sobbed and sobbed.

Aaron was genuinely worried when he heard Mack immediately start sobbing as she woke up. He wrapped his arms around her, not even thinking about their argument as he did so. Aaron rolled onto his side and held her as tightly as he could, taking deep breaths as he tried not to end up sobbing as well. He remained silent for a moment, hoping nto make her feel better.

Mack held onto Aaron for seemingly dear life, relaxing a bit as she felt his arms come around her. God, there was nothing she'd craved more than that. "I'm so sorry, Aaron," she breathed out, shaking her head slowly as she looked up at him. "I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I am too. Calm down, okay? We're still here." Aaron said gently into her ear, leaning his forehead against hers carefully and using one of his hands to wipe her tears carefully. "I'm sorry too. I wasn't trying to be mean or anything, okay?" He murmured softly.

Mack nodded her head quickly at his words, squeezing his eyes shut as if willing he tears to stop falling down her face. She held onto him tightly as her forehead rested against his, nodding slowly. "M-Me neither," she breathed out, opening her eyes after he wiped her eyes. "I didn't understand but now I do. I really do, Aaron. I-I'm so sorry for putting you through this..." Mack whispered.

"Mack...calm down. You haven't put me through anything. It's okay..." Aaron said in a small whisper, trying to make her feel better but also being honest. Everything with Bella had been worse than any of this and Aaron knew that. He hated that it still hurt her how long it had took him to get Bela out of their lives. "I'm still here. I am not going anywhere, okay?"

Mack shook her head a little at his words. "I have, though. This whole thing with A-Alex. It's my fault. I meant what I said. You're right. I knew how you felt about and I still went to him and-and...I'm so sorry, Aaron. Because you deserve better than that." Mack breathed out breathlessly, shaking her head a little at herself as she did so. Mack squeezed her eyes shut as she heard his words, nodding slowly as she did her best to feel reassured by them.

"Love...that happened years ago. We weren't even married. We were younger. It's something from the past, we have moved past it. And I understand hat you were jealous and I cant blame you for that." Aaron said in a soft voice, honestly finding it hard to believe that they had fought over something from the past. "I said I would go to the wedding since the moment you asked. I just...I always worry about Alex. I dont hate him, you know? I just dont want him around...especially around you. Because he isn't like me. He used to play around with Charlotte and other girls and I just...that night I tried to fight him because I was jealous, you know?"

Mack closed her eyes as Aaron spoke so as to calm herself down, nodding slowly as she did so. She convinced herself entirely of his words. Honestly, it was so long ago that the fact they were even discussing this now was ridiculous. Mack opened her eyes as soon as Aaron mentioned that he was jealous, eyebrows immediately furrowing in confusion. "J-Jealous? Sweetheart, of what?" Mack asked, clearly not understanding.

Aaron took in a deep breath. He had never said it out loud, being jealous. Aaron trusted Mack with everything in him, and he never got jealous. He got angry at men who tried to make moves on her, but he never blamed Mack for that. "I don't know. Everyone always forgives him, no matter what he does....he seems to be so popular with the girls. Even more than me, despite treating them like...nothing you know? I didn't wsnt to lose you."

Mack's eyes softened at Aaron's words. Immediately, it all clicked. It all made so much more sense now. Why Aaron couldn't forgive Alex. For this being the instance, she couldn't blame him. Not one bit. Mack shook her head slowly, leaning over to kiss his forehead gently. "Baby," Mack began softly, then leaning her forehead against his. "You're not losing me. I'll always be with you, no matter what. You should be jealous of him, love. There's nothing to be jealous of. Absolutely nothing."

Aaron closed his eyes once she kissed his forehead, nodding as much as he could when he leaned his head against hers again. He sniffled a little, kissing her softly for a moment and pulling her even closer. "I'll try not to be. And like, if you want to go and be there for Charlotte....I get it and I'll be by your side. I'm your husband, you know?"

Mack kissed him back gently as he pressed his lips to her, melting completely in his arms as he did so. They were okay. They would move past this. Mack slowly opened her eyes as he pulled back from the kiss, shaking her head slowly. "I don't....I don't think I need to keep my friendship with her, Aaron. You are right about everything. I just-I shouldn't keep this up. She's marrying someone who-who hit me, you know? It's not worth it.."

Feelling Mack basically melt into him as much as did with her reminded him of how special what they had was. Nothing would ever break them and that was what made him keep going everyday. He was surprised when Mack mentioned not needing to be Charlotte's friend, since he thought that was out of the question he didnt want her to think that she had to. "Are you...sure that is what you want? I don't want you to feel like you have to choose, baby. Seriously."

Mack moved a hand to one of his cheeks, while she pressed her cheek to his other cheeks and closed her eyes, wanting to be as close to him as possible. Mack exhaled slowly upon his response, shaking her head slowly. "How can I support her marrying him, Aaron? After everything..."

"I don't know...I wish I had the right answer for you." Aaron admitted softly, wrapping himself around her as much as he could and leaning against her. He ran a hand up and down hmher back carefully, keeping his eyes closed. "You gotta do whatever makes you feel it's okay, love."

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, relaxing entirely as he ran his hand up and down her back. She exhaled slowly, shaking her head a little as she leaned her head back on the pillow to look up at him. "You're just more important to me, baby," Mack whispered, "yesterday was awful."

Aaron looked down at her intently as she pulled back, biting down on his bottom lip and giving her a sad smile as he did so. "I know. I'm really sorry...I should have said something." He whispered apologetically, taking her hand and lifting it up to his cheek.

Mack shook her head gently at his words, cupping his cheek as he lifted her hand, running her thumb along his stubble gently. "We both should have," Mack whispered, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips before he pulled back. "I love you so much. I...I hate arguing with you," Mack whispered.

Aaron kissed her back gently, taking a deep breath and running a hand up and down her arm carefully. "I haye it too, babe. And I love you more than anything. We're okay, you know? It's us." He said gently, smiling at her.

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, managing a small smile as she saw him do so. Mack leaned over to press a kiss to the top of his nose, then pulling back to look at him intently. "I missed a really great opportunity to serenade you with Be Alright," Mack murmured playfully with a small pout, a smile coming across her lips as she wiped at her eyes.

Aaron chuckled a little at her words, wrapping his arms around her gently once again after she kissed him. "Hm? You can still do it. I can never complain when you talk or sing, honestly." He said with a small smile, playing with a strand of her hair.

Mack giggled at his words, shaking her head a little as she did so. She moved back into him, nuzzling her face into his chest. "I'll get embarrassed and shy if I do it now, you're expecting it. I'll have to catch you off guard." Mack murmured gently, closing her eyes.

Aaron sighed a little in content ad she moved into him once again, kissing her head and hands pulling her closer if that was even possible. "You're cute." He said with a chuckle, closing his eyes again. "I'm sorry about everything that I let happen with Bella, you knoe that right? I will never forgive myself for letting her hurt you so many times. Ever." Aaron saod carefully.

Mack giggled softly at Aaron's words, shaking her head a little which caused her to nuzzle her face into him even more. Mack froze as soon as she heard his words, opening her eyes and considering them for a moment. She pulled back, just enough to look up at him and nodded slowly. "Of course I do." She murmured gently. "Can I ask you something?"

Aaron nodded a little as she seemed to understand it, as best as she could. "Of course you can, silly." Aaron said with a raised eyebrow, opening his eyes to look up at her.

Mack swallowed hard as she heard his response, really not wanting to overstep any boundaries. But he was her husband, after all. Mack's eyebrows furrowed for a moment before her features softened. "Why did you keep going back to her? Like, keep giving her more chances?" Mack whispered.

Aarom was expecting anything related to Bella and he was going to be honest, because Mack deserved that. He looked at her intently, licking his lips. "She always apologized. Promised she would treat you better. And then...one of the last times she told me about her father, what she had been through and how happy she was that she had found Cameron. She told me how much it had hurt her when I left, you know? I felt like...like I just owed it to her." He whispered gently, hoping he was saying the right thing.

Mack listened to Aaron intently, trying to understand. Of course, t was easier said than done. Bella had been nothing but cruel to Mack for no reason at all. She figured Aaron always went back to her as a way to rid his guilty conscious. It made sense. Mack swallowed hard and forced a small smile before it faltered, nodding slowly in understanding.

Aaron stared at her to see her reaction, studying her features. "Tell me what you're thinking. I'm trying to be honest." He murmured softly, taking a deep breath.

"Mack, I get that. I dont judge for not understanding it. I just...wish I would have seen it before she hurt you, you know? I realized that it wasn't worth it when it was too late." Aaron explained carefully, looking up at he ceiling.

Mack nodded her head gently in understanding at Aaron's words. She leaned over to press a gentle kiss to his cheek, then resting her head on his shoulder. "I know, baby. I know if you could change it, you would. That's more than enough for me. Always will be," Mack whispered.

"Exactly. If I could change it, I would change it all since that night I went out with her and didn't tell you right away. I would change it since then." Aaron said with a small sigh, nodding lightly.

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him intently. She couldn't help but smile, shaking her head a little as she did so. "I am so proud of the man you are now, baby. You make me so proud," Mack murmured gently, knowing how important it was for him to hear those words.

Aaron looked up at her with soft eyes as she spoke up, blinking several times and then kissing her hand. "I do?"

Mack nodded easily at his words, giving his hand a squeeze as he kissed the back of it. "Are you kidding? I look at you every day in complete awe, Aaron Windsor. When I'm my asking myself how I got so lucky, the rest of me is completely focused on how much you've grown."

"That's because you're really sweet though." Aaron said with a small laugh, leaning his head against hers a little and peckking her lips softly. "Thank you, baby. That means the absolute world to me."

Mack shook her head a little, kissing him back, almost carefully, as she brushed the hair from his face. "I'm only honest," Mack replied gently before nodding a little. "I know it does, love. That's why I say it."

Aaron nodded a little, smiling at her and nuzzling his face into her neck as he did so, breathing her in. "It was only a day, but I have missed you like crazy. My day isn't the same without you in it, baby."

Mack hummed softly as Aaron nuzzled his face into her neck, closing her eyes as she pressed herself to him. "I missed you so much, baby. Yesterday was awful," Mack breathed out, pulling back a little to look at him. "We should do something. Go out today. Just...make up for yesterday," Mack whispered.

Aaron pulled back to see herwhen she did so, his hands resting on her hips and he leaned down to kiss her softly. "I like that. Do you have anything specific in mind?" He whispered agaisnt her lips.

Mack leaned up to kiss him back, almost eager to do so after zero contact the day before. Mack found it difficult to break the kiss even to respond, but gathered her bearings after a moment to do so. "Hm, the beach," she breathed out gently against his lips.

Aaron smiled softly into the kiss, since it was clear that neither of them had intentions to break it off. His words were lazy as he brushed his lips against her while he spoke, "i like the beach." He said easily, nodding as much as he could as he sighed in content, losing himself in her completely as he did so.

Mack couldn't help but smile into the kiss. This was all Mack had craved and now that she finally had it, she wasn't planning on letting it go any time soon. Mack leaned into him even more as she deepened the kiss, giggling softly at his response. "I like you," she mumbled against his lips.

Aaron chuckled against her lips, humming. "What a coincidence. We'll both be really happy." He said with a small laugh, pulling her closer.

Mack giggled at his words, nodding as much as she could. Her hands moved to cup he sides of his face, letting her head fall to the side to deepen the kiss.

Aaron leaned into her hands, deepening the kiss with her and wrapping his arms around her waist easily. There was nothing like being with Mack and he was so happy that they had moved past all of this. Whatever Mack chose to do was fine wirh him as long as they were together.

Mack tangled her legs with Aaron's to be closer to her as he wrapped his arms around her waist. A large part of her was trying to make up for yesterday through her actions. She couldn't believe her and Aaron had gone an entire day without talking. That hadn't happened since Mack's parents took her from Riverdale. She hated it. "I love you," Mack breathed out into the kiss, pulling him even closer as she put as much as she could into the kiss.

"I love you, baby." Aaron said with a smile as he moved his lips slowly against hers, not having any intention on pulling back, at least from hugging her and being close.

Mack couldn't help but smile into the kiss as she heard his response. There was nothing she loved hearing more from Aaron than those three words, it had been that way for awhile now. Mack's lips found their way to his chin before she left small kisses along his jawline, her hands moving from his face to his chest.

Aaron had a dumb smile on his face as Mack kept kissing his jawline, his hands moving up and down her back lazily since he was definitely on cloud nine. Mack had always been everything that Aaron wanted. Nothing would ever compare to her.

Mack hummed softly in content as she felt Aaron's hands moved up and down her back, relaxing against him completely. She trailed kisses down to his neck where she kissed the skin there gently, taking her time with a each kiss to make up where words failed.

Aaron bit down on his bottom lip as continued kissing him, taking a deep breath as he tangled his fingers in her hair. By now they just knew eachother so well, there were no secrets or unsaid things that they hadn't said to esch othr and it felt amazing.

Mack exhaled sorry against his skin after a moment, then nuzzling her face into his neck. She breathed him in as her fingers traced invisible shapes against his chest. "You mean so much to me, Aaron. I can't even put it into words," Mack whispered, shaking her head a little as she did so.

Aaron shivered a little as she felt her fingers against his bare chedt since he rarely ever wore shirts to sleep. "I think I know though. You mean so do much to me, my love."

Mack pulled back, just enough to look at him as he spoke, smiling widely up at him. "Good," she breathed out gently. "You mean absolutely everything to me. I'm so lucky," she whispered, shaking her head a little in disbelief. "So very lucky."

Aaron pecked her lips several times after she spoke up, more han content in this moment right now. "We both are though, baby. And we also gotta get out of bed if we wsnt to make it to the beach. Or do you prefer staying in bed all day?"

Mack giggled as he pecked her lips several times, humming softly in content as she did so. She then opened her eyes to look up at him intently, thinking about how words for a moment. "Which option gives me more kisses?" She asked gently.

Aaron giggled st her words, actually giggled and kissed her some more, pulling her closer. "Maybe home...and pool and bed. So we don't gotta worry about other people?"

Mack giggled as he did since she found it nothing short of adorable. She met each and every kiss as he kissed her, welcoming it with open arms. "Yeah, you are a superstar here," Mack replied easily, pulling back to look at him intently.

"Just a little. But I was thinking that PDA can be grossed if it includes kissing, people dont need to know how we kiss, you know?" Aaron said playfully, kissing her cheek. She had requested kisses and she would get them.

Mack couldn't help the laughter that fell from her lips at his words, although she nonetheless nodded. "Ah, of course. What was I thinking?" She asked playfully, shaking her head at herself as she did so. "Home it is."

"We have an awesome pool right here in our own house anyway." Aaron reminded her with a wide grin, pecking her lips and leaning back down. "Do you want to go back to sleep for a little bit?"

Mack giggled at his words, nodding a little as she did so. It was still surreal to Mack, that all of this was really theirs. It was the biggest dream come true. It had all been more than Mack could have ever asked for. "That's true," she breathed out gently, pecking his lips back quickly. She then hummed softly before nodding a little. "You won't go anywhere?"

Aaron arched an eyebrow, rolling onto his side again and kissing her head. "Where would I go if you're right here, baby?" He asked gently, closing his eyes.

Mack couldn't help the almost dumb smile that came across her lips at his response, causing her to lean over and kiss him several times before resting her head against he pillow. There's nothing I love hearing more than that." She whispered.

"Thwre is nothing I love more than you, Mackenzie Windsor." Aaron said with a wide grin, cuddling up to her again.

Mack's eyes softened at Aaron's words and she cuddled up to him as much as humanly possible. She grinned widely at his words, shaking her head a little. "Say it again," she whispered gently, closing her eyes.

Aaron let out a small laugh at her worda, not really sure what she meant. "Hm? There's nothing I love kore than you?" He asked playfully, riading an eyebrow.

Mack giggled at his words, not being able to help but blush as she couldn't help but grin "precisely," Mack replied gently, opening her eyes to look up at him intently.

"You're adorable." Aaron said easily, pecking her lips and then closing his eyes as he got closer to her. "Really adorable."

Mack pecked his lips back eagerly, giggling as she cuddled up to him completely, sighing softly at the warmth she immediately felt from doing so. "Thank you," she murmured appreciatively as she blushed.

"Of course." Aaron said easily, not even thinking twice about it as he did so. He just wanted to be happy with her. And to forget their argument.

Mack culled the side of Aaron's face gently, sighing softly in content as she leaned forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. She then pulled back, only to cuddle up to him and nuzzle her face into his chest as he did so. "I love you. I love you so much," Mack whispered as she closed her eyes.

Aaron kissed her gently and smiled softly as she pulled back, eyes scanning her face as he did so. "You do, huh? He asked with a playful smirk, his fingers tangling in her hair a little bit. "Hm, my sweet, sweet girl. Who would have thought I would end up with you?"

Mack kissed him back gently, slipping her arms around his middle to hug herself to him. She giggled at his question, nodding easily at his question. Mack closed her eyes and listened intently to Aaron's words although her smile grew more and more with every word that left his lips. Mack leaned up and peppered his face in kisses, then pulling back to look up at him. "Hm, me. Well, I was hoping it would be the case, anyway." She replied gently. "You're perfect for me, babyboy."

Aaron giggled as she kissed all over his face, finding her entirely too precious. "Well, I was too, honestly. I wanted so badly to to work for us and it did. But it's crazy to think the cute girl with the dimple and sweet smile, really ended up with me.

Mack blushed even more as Aaron continued, embarrassed by the fact that she was doing so which caused her to hide her face in the crook of Aaron's neck. "I liked you so much," Mack breathed out gently. "And no one had ever taken the slightest bit of interest in me before. Then you come along, as the Adonis that you are who's the funniest person I've ever met with the kindest heart? And you were actually interested? I still feel like all of this is a dream sometimes."

Aaron listened to her intently, his smile widening as she mentioned the nickname that only she uses for him, running his hand up and down her arm carefully and sighing in content. "Baby...there was no way I could have looked away. I mean, I love the way you look and all, but you are the most beautiful person I have ever met." He said gently.

Mack's features softened immediately upon hearing Aaron's words and she shook her head a little in disbelief. Mack believed with all of her heart that Aaron was a miracle from the grace of god. He'd come into her life when she needed him most and he managed to turn her entire world upside down in the best way possible. At a loss for words, Mack leaned into Aaron and pressed her lips to his, almost abruptly in doing so.

Aaron was genuinely surprised when Mack moved to him and kissed him right away, his eyes closing immediately. He kissed her right back, keeping the kiss soft and slow as he did so. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met, Mackie." He mumbked agaisnt her lips. Smiling softly.

Mack's lips immediately began moving against Aaron's as she slowly moved on top of him, legs on either side of his torso to straddle him. Mack couldn't help but smile onto the kiss as Aaron spoke up, shaking her head a little. "You're he most amazing person /I've/ ever met, Adonis." Mack breathed out gently.

Aaron chuckled a little against her lips as he heard her nickname for him. He had always thought it was too flattering, honestly. He would never consider himself as perfect as Mack did. But he was content with her thinking that. "Hm. Can't believe you actually call me Adonis now." He said playfully as he looked up at her from his position on the bed, arms resting around her hips carefully.

Mack giggled at Aaron's words, pulling back and sitting up to look down at him intently. She rested her hands on his sides, nodding her head eagerly. "It's accurate. Very accurate. Look at you. Goodness, it's just too much for me sometimes," Mack breathed out as a small blush spread across her cheeks.

Aaron actually blushed too, grinning widely and pulling her back down gently to kiss her softly a few times, humming as he did so. "It's the freckles, isn't it?" He asked playfully a she looked back at her with a small smirk. "It's all on the freckles."

Mack giggled as Aaron pulled her back down to kiss him, welcoming each and every kiss with open arms. She couldn't help the laughter that continued to pour from her lips at his words, nodding a little as she pulled back a little. "That's certainly a contributing factor, yes," Mack began gently, "the tanned skin is too. As well as your eyes. That jawline. I could go on for hours, actually."

Aaron grinned a little, squeezing his eyes shut and making a funny face as she compliemented how he looked, shaking his head playfully. "Okay, okay. Calm down. Jeez. You're gonna make me blush." He murmjred playfully, pecking her lips and nuzzling his face into her neck to give her a few kisses there playfully.

Mack giggled as Aaron pulled a funny face, shaking her head in disbelief. "See! You even look good doing that!" Mack exclaimed in all seriousness. Mack laughed softly as Aaron mentioned blushing, letting her eyes close as he pecked her lips before moving to her neck, letting her head fall to the side to allow him more space their. "It'd be a nice  change for once, actually."

Aaron bit down on her neck playfully as she mentioned his face again, laughing a little against her skin and then kissing the spot quickly. "Hm. True." He murmured as he kissed the skin of her neck slowly, definitely taking his time. "It's cute when you blush though. Seriously. So good."

Mack's teeth sunk into her bottom lip as she felt Aaron bite down on her neck, moving a hand to his hair to tangle her fingers in it. A soft hum of delight left Mack's lips as she felt Aaron's lips against the skin of her neck, her fingers gently tugging on the end of his dark locks. "It's silly," Mack breathed out gently, although she was entirely too focused on Aaron's kisses.

Aaron was breathing her in as much as he could, still finding it ahrd to believe that they had been arguing only an hour ago. He pulled back a little as she tugged at his hair, grinning up at her and kissing her chin. "It's adorable." He said easily, looking up at her intently.

Mack looked down at him intently as he pulled back, a smile quickly spreading across her lips as she saw him doing the same. She rolled her eyes playfully at his words, a deeper blush spreading across her cheeks. "I beg to differ," she replied playfully.

"You clearly don't know what you're talking about." Aaron said gently, pecking her lips and sitting up a little more to be closer to her, his left hand resting on top of hers, making his ring hit hers without intending to. "You are super adorable, and also super hot whether you believe it or not."

"Oh, I believe I do. I've been enduring this for quite some time, actually," Mack replied before kissing him back easily. As Aaron sat up, Mack's body was basically pressed to Aaron's which she had no complaints about at all. Mack grinned widely as his ring hit hers, glancing at them for a moment before her eyes moved back up to his. Mack blushed even more at Aaron's words, groaning gently. "Stop it, Aaron. You can't say stuff like that," Mack replied playfully as she buried her face into his neck, evidently pouting.

Aaron laced their fingers together, grinning a little and leaning the side of his face agaisnt hers until she ended up hiding into his neck, chuckling a little. "Um, I don't think hat is fair considering everything you just said, babe."

Mack squeezed his hand gently as he laced their fingers together, turning her head to the side a little to nudge her head against his. "Oh, yes very fair. I can't take you saying things like that. No way," Mack replied, words coming out muffled as she spoke against his skin.

Aaron grinned softly as she moved even closer to him, his free hand resting on her hip gently. "I don't even know why though. Nothing I'm saying is that new." He said playfully, closing his eyes.

Mack slowly hooked her free arm around Aaron's neck to pull herself completely against him, humming softly as she nuzzled her face into his neck even more. "Because it like...does things to me. I can't handle it," Mack mumbled with a soft laugh, pressing a kiss to his neck gently.

Aaron sighed in content as she wrapped her arm around him, leaning it back as she began kissing on his neck, his eyes closed he was so relaxed. "Hm...well, that is the point. Doing things to you." He said easily with a small smirk.

Mack giggled at his response, shaking her head a little at him as she did so. "Well, mission accomplished," she murmured gently, pulling back to rest her forehead against his as she looked at him intently.

Aaron looked up at her with soft eyes, smiling. "Hm. Good. You're still cute." He mumbked playfully.

Mack shook her head a little at his words, moving forward to kiss his cheek gently. "As are you, baby." She replied easily, then ruffling his hair playfully before she buried her face into his neck once again.

Aaron grinned as she ruffled his hair, almost giggling as he closed his eyes, leaning his head as much as he could against hers.

Mack turned her head to the side to pepper his face in small kisses before her arms slipped around his neck, hugging herself to him completely. "Love you, sweetheart," Mack whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of his cheek. "Did you take care of yourself yesterday? Did you eat?" Mack asked gently.

"Hm. I did. I ate all my food, though if I'm honest. Nothing compares your cooking and taking care of me." Aaron said softly, sighing in content as he did so. "What about you though? What did you do?"

Mack nodded her head gently at his words, smiling widely as she did so. "Aw," she replied easily, sighing softly in content. "I just stayed here for the most part. I ate..dinner, I think?" Mack asked gently.

[yaltonrp-blog]

Congratulations Kilo! You have been accepted for the role of Parker Backes with the FC of Alex Saxon. We particularly appreciated Parker’s relationship with his grandmother and how it has affected him. Please send us an account within the next 24 hours with the ask and submit boxes open.

Welcome to Yalton! We look forward to roleplaying with you.

OOC:

Name/Alias: Kilo

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 27

Timezone: Eastern Time

Activity Level: I suck with the numbers, to be honest, but we’ll call it a 7, I guess? I don’t have much in the way of interference except whatever amount of muse I might or might not have for writing, on any particular day, so I can be on, at a minimum, every other day to get at least one or two replies out, but honestly, that’s a very conservative answer; I’ll probably be on quite a bit more than that.

Things you aren’t willing to write: I’m pretty much open to writing anything. Smut is usually a ‘fade to black’ thing for me; occasionally I will write it, but a lot of times, I just find it awkward and difficult to write (in that how many different words are there for different body parts?), so I don’t. Otherwise, I try not to limit my writing, as I like to challenge myself when it comes to abilities in writing. I’m sure there are some things that, if they were to come up for whatever reason, I’d be like “nope, not writing that” in which case I would vocalize that I am uncomfortable or unwilling to write whatever that is, but otherwise, I try to keep myself open to anything.

IC:

Biography Info:

Character Name: Parker Backes

Pronouns: He/Him

Gender: Agender

Age: 21

Major/Position: Music Composition/Music Therapy major / Tutor

FC: Alex Saxon

Biography: TWs: Death, Depression, Anxiety, Child Abandonment, Child Neglect

For as long as Parker can remember, he was obsessed with two things, music and escape. His introduction to music, or rather, his introduction to creating music, came from his grandmother, at the tender age of two; as a person, she could not have been more different than the son that had fathered Parker. She was a kindly woman, warm and gentle, especially when it came to her singular grandchild, artistic and open-minded. The best – or rather, the most prominent – memory Parker has of his father is that of the back of a suit jacket, hair groomed carefully, briefcase in one hand, suitcase in the other as he walked out the door. The best – or rather, the most prominent – memory Parker has of his mother is that of her buried under the covers, and trying to take care of her when he should have been at recess. Parker was seven when his father left. What he’s learned of him, as he’s grown older, is that the man is a workaholic, stern, and judgmental of those who don’t care to fall in line. What he’s learned of his mother since then is that she’s unstable without a relationship to act as a crutch. Without the constant presence of the crutch of the relationship she had with Parker’s father, depression and anxiety took over her life. The more often Parker’s father left on business trips, the less together Parker’s mother’s life seemed to be. By the time the man left for good, the woman was a less than suitable caretaker for her own child. Too busy to take care of his own child, care fell to the child’s grandmother. It was during his time with his grandmother, both before and after living with her, that he learned what true happiness was. The woman home schooled him during his younger years, and in the process, instilled in him a love for music and dreams of far away places. His studies were unconventional, immersive, and far more in depth than any traditional school could have given him, but by the time he was to enter high school, she gave him the choice to go to a traditional school, to learn things she couldn’t teach him. Joining an actual student body provided Parker with an entirely new experience. His circle of friendships expanded drastically beyond just the other kids his age on his street to people in his classes and the clubs he joined; and he jumped at every chance he had to join a club, whether he was working set design for drama club, helping out with the SGMA – which he fought to have renamed after joining it, as when he joined it was the ‘Gay Straight Alliance’ –, or dreaming of traveling the world in the geography club. When graduation rolled around, he was surprised to find not only his grandmother in the audience, but also his mother and father, in part because he hadn’t invited them, but also because he hadn’t kept in contact with either of them. They had made their beds, and he had never had any desire to look back to see how well they were sleeping in them. With a handshake from his father and a hug from his mother, he was handed an envelope and they once again disappeared from his life, leaving him to a celebratory dinner with his grandmother. It was only after which, with the woman’s encouragement, that he finally cracked the seal on the envelope to examine its contents; inside was a letter explaining that an active trust had been set up in his name, inaccessible until he was twenty-five, unless it were used to pay for college – any of his choosing. In some regards, it was disappointing, knowing he had the money to go anywhere in the world and that he was staying in Ohio, as he’d already chosen his college. At the same time, he preferred the idea of being able to see his grandmother at his leisure while still living on campus. Parker had been on his way to campus to pick up books, at the end of the summer prior to his freshman year, when he received a phone call from an unknown number. It was his father, calling from the hospital, where he was with Parker’s grandmother. The woman had what the doctor referred to as a ‘cardiac episode.’ None of the people in the room, including Parker, were ignorant enough to think of it as anything other than what it was – a heart attack. She died a week later, still in the hospital, when she’d had another. The death of his grandmother proved devastating for Parker, resulting in him deferring his first year at Yalton. Meanwhile, the executor of his grandmother’s estate informed him that everything was left to him, including a letter that told him that he was to sell it all except anything he may want to keep, and use the money from it to travel. It made Parker smile knowing how well she knew him; it made him cry knowing she was gone. Parker did as she wished, however, selling almost everything, and using the money to travel. Now, Parker is twenty-one and in his junior year at Yalton, and though he still struggles with the loss of the most prominent figure in his life, he feels as though he is better equipped to handle what life may throw at him.

State at least one head canon about the character:

Through his grandmother, Parker heard tales of protests, learned all about gender equality, and that neither gender nor sexuality operated on a binary system in spite of many people’s beliefs. He heard about Woodstock, and how she experienced the festival first hand.

Parker sent out early applications to all the schools he applied for, and received early acceptances from most of them. The only college that rejected him was Berklee College of Music, which he did not anticipate acceptance into in the first place.

The only thing Parker kept of his grandmother’s was the guitar that she taught him to play on. It is an antique acoustic guitar with elaborate etchings in the woodwork. He has always admired the artistry of the piece, but is especially attached to it, given that it was the first guitar he ever played, and that it was his grandmother’s.

While her name was Rosanna, and she preferred to be called Rosie – ‘Never Rose’ – Parker always referred to his grandmother as Ro-Ro. When he was just a toddler, he had been told to say hello to ‘Nana Rosie’ and instead ‘Ro-Ro’ came out, and forever stuck.

Most of his traveling was done domestically, though he had considered a cross-Canadian trip. The only time he left the country was his brief time spent in British Columbia while he traveled to Alaska, where he spread his grandmother’s ashes, as it was a place they had discussed both wanting to travel to.

Prior to his grandmother’s death, Parker stuck, strictly, to playing songs of other artists. Since her death, however, he has taken up writing as an outlet for his emotions and turning them into songs. He has always had a strong connection to music and found it a powerful tool in overcoming issues.

Parker lives and works on campus, subletting the apartment he has off campus in favor of ‘free’ housing, thanks to the trust that pays for all of his college expenses. His choice to take up a tutoring gig on campus was an easy one, as learning has always been something that came easy to him, and he helped several of his friends, in high school, through study groups, to pass certain classes that they struggled with.