#alas it says deleted user

[clockworkreapers]

Where can I find Diavel Icthus's ref?

Sadly I do not know I would need to get in contact with his creator again. There are a few pieces of art I have done of him prior but that is about it. Even so I’d always recommend asking the creator if they want their character drawn. Sadly I only only really knew this person though discord and their old account was deleted. (Hey if you see this yell at me plz so we can find u)

[meraxes-of-new-albion]

Sigh. Love it when people on the internet feel entitled to your existence

[azuremist]

Cohost sucks, too (but not for the reasons that one user said)

So, you may recall a person on tumblr saying that Cohost sucks, which accused a transfem on the cohost team of predatory behavior. That was transmisogynistic bullshit, and was blatantly untrue.

But cohost does suck. Just for reasons unrelated to that.

Listing everything loosely in an order of “weird and sort of annoying” to “holy fuck”:

Tag capitalization is determined by how the first person who used the tag capitalized it

You have to personally email support and wait for them to get back to you if you want to delete your account

They call themselves a “not for profit” or “non profit”, despite being registered as a for profit LLC

There is only one moderator for this site of 30k+ users, which means reports aren’t responded to for weeks at a time

Staff and the userbase have a very odd parasocial relationship. The staff chronically overshares, call users their ‘friends’, and have gotten mad at users for reporting too many things on weekends, after hours, or holidays (with the subtext being that you should not expect them to do anything after hours). They even publicly post about how they are worried about paying rent because of the site’s financial situation, which is frankly disgusting. Especially when you see people in the comments barely able to scrape up the $5 USD to give them for the subscription service.

A member of staff publicly bragged about how Cloudflare forgot to bill them for hosting, which is not only wildly unprofessional, but could likely get them sued. (And Cloudflare could, at any time, ask them for the money they owe, for the record.)

Staff say that they want to be transparent with financials, but are incredibly inconsistent about financial updates

The platform is losing $10k-40k USD each month

Meanwhile, staff currently pays themselves $94k USD a year, per person. Sure, that’s not as much as the average person with their job title… but Cohost is losing tens of thousands of dollars each and every month, so that doesn’t really apply.

On top of the previous two points, staff doesn’t accept volunteers, and they’ve consistently implemented features that make no difference to the financials of the company

TL;DR:

The cohost staff are tech people who wanted to do a startup, got a loan from a rich friend, and is doing nothing to make the site sustainable. Meanwhile, they’re paying themselves almost $100k USD a year while still guilt-tripping their dirt-poor, largely queer userbase.

It sucks, because I really believe Cohost could succeed. You know what, no — I know Cohost could succeed. Between the Elon Musk-ification of Twitter (who has deemed Tweeting “I hate trans people” fine, but automatically blocks people from Tweeting “I hate cis people” for hate speech), and the owner of tumblr going mask-off transphobic Zionist… Right now, maybe more than ever, there is a serious niche of ‘social media for queer fandom nerds’, just waiting to be filled! And on the surface, Cohost is perfect!

And I like everything about Cohost… except for how it’s being managed. I want to see it succeed, because it could be amazing, if the people behind it just made better decisions. But, ultimately, I do not trust the people running Cohost to help it realize its potential.

Alas, it seems this isn’t the tumblr alternative we are looking for.

[myfemininedivine]

Can u give some good recs for sydcarmmy fics please!

oh BOY can I?????

i haven’t interacted much with the community so im unsure of the users but alas as I try:

temper, temper by malariamonsters (anything from them like what do u mean ….,,,, that was like the second coming of Christ fr like i think this was the first fic I read and BRROOOOOOOOOOO I felt the blood rushing to my skull UGHHH) (@songkangsbottomteethcirca2020 — this better be the correct @ or imma do something dangerous and delete my existence)

mouthful of petals by Galatria57 (I love this typa trope)

say yes to the mess by bioloyg (deck on deck like this fic can top me drop me bottom me spin me I can do a split for this dead ass) (@bioloyg)

gotta get up to get down by somethingdifferent (NEVER GIVE UP NEVER WHAT !!!!!! god I love)

simmer, melt, boil, fire by gingervalentine1 (golden goose edition like I want this but IN my coffin so I can resurrect myself and read it like not even death can part me from this ) (@monetbonet)

chapped lip weather by charmtion (their entire discography; I felt like screaming and drowning so I did both and like thank you for that, that was insanely criminal of you I love it) (@charmtion)

the fear has gripped me but here I go by willowcia (writing style has gripped me so here I go (choking))

like kasama by peachybunniebabie (this is the lost Bible I believe. Gave hallucinations and heart burn, let’s fucking GO) (@ethxocore)

hands full of plates by Thesuncameout (short story is I am in love with their style)

the wild, wild berry by Blissymbolics (classic obviously)

—

forgot to put my own fanfic 😀

Alchemy

—

thanks to the writers for these hits!

[knackfandomarchive]

Artists, writers, and assorted friends (alphabetical, not exhaustive alas):

Any link will just take you to my blog with the tag searched.

an0n-1o1 - One joke post about how Knack interacts with a goblin in the second game.

ari-draws-things - Several art pieces. Ohh I can't pinpoint my favorite thing, but if I look at them too long, I fear I will die. The shapes? and the style is so cute? I see lots of drawings of Gundahar, Rothari, Knack and Lucas being adorable.

at7outof10 - One post of digital art of Little Knack, along with some non-KNACK characters. And apparently, one post where they made a Knack Mii, like from the Wii?

bestbuybathroom - Shared a one-shot fic I really like, and made some image macros, jokes, and opinion posts. I like their sense of humor, but it is perhaps not for kids heheh.

bm13 - so far, a page of Little Knacks. So cute!

celiasvalley - I see an opinion post and possibly a joke.

chibifox2002 - Adorable digital art! This person has an AU and sometimes posts sibling shenanigans involving Knack, Lucas, and an OC named Penny.

chrisophur - Some screenshots of the ps4 game and I think of the sadly-discontinued Knack's Quest.

creamsodathe1st - So far, a cute digital piece of Robo Knack, aka Player 2 of KNACK 1, petting a beetle. Also some of their OCs.

crimmy10 - Super cute sketches and colored pieces! I'm noticing lots of art of Knack romantically paired with an OC.

dbnogaming-blog - One screenshot of Abominable Knack, aka Ice Knack.

deequeen1512 - No posts of her own yet, but prompts chibifox2002 about their AU or asks questions through the ask box.

discoknack - it me! I'm a chatterbox who rambles and complains a lot. Sometimes art.

doubleleaf - One drawing of Viktor propped up by one of his robots. Very technique; me gusta. Seems to be an art blog.

emmatheward - Probably one of the most ambitious pieces I've seen so far of Giant Knack's upper torso and right shoulder in meticulous detail.

frenchie-sottises - So far I've shared a post of theirs where Knack has a dinosaur tail, scales and also a bellybutton. So cool! And in full color, too.

gummiscr1bblez - Two art posts about their escapades playing the games.

hervygervy - looks like discord screenshots and memes mainly.

indoobs - One photo of a little crochet plush of Knack made as a present.

kyledahl - An animation cycle of Lucas skipping. This seems to be one of the creators, but I reblogged it on purpose because they deleted the original post and I'm under the impression they won't get notifications.

littlebomba - Uh oops, this person mentioned working at PlayStation,, Plus they shared what looks like a promotional image or poster or wallpaper of some kind, which I have reblogged. Also several more adverts which I have not. I hope they don't look in this direction O_o

thelivingrelic - I have in the queue what looks like a very old roleplay invitation that was never responded to? And the blog itself used to be an RP blog. Sadly this person seems to have deactivated, but I can occasionally find posts from deactivated users if someone still around had reblogged it.

majorpepperidge - some screenshots and cute sketches!

munchiemooz - one GIF of Knack in the trailer for KNACK 1 assembling for the first time.

mypunkpansexualtwin - shared some screenshots of Knack in a character appreciation post.

n-jay79 - Drew one very nice colorful sketchy Doctor Vargas and shared some in-game screenshots. Haven't seen any more KNACK stuff, but this person does draw other middle-aged men on the reg if that's your thing.

pepperishstudio-blog - One "warmup doodle" of Little Knack.

pit--rat - One short text post. If I say more about it I'll spoil it.

playstation - oh shit, the actual PlayStation? and not a fanblog pretending to be playstation? I may be stupid.

robertamew - Several posts of screenshots of Iron Knack, Metal Knack, however you'd like to call him. Also an art piece of Knack, and another of an OC.

sbb-thumbnails - SuperBeardBros apparently did a playthrough series and this person makes the channel's thumbnails.

sonicasura - Crossovers! Some art, mainly talk? I think they're neat, but I am not familiar with the other works being crossed with. A lot of idea stuff.

speedartist-skyliner - Drew two pieces of their version of Knack; one of him small and one of him around six-and-a-half feet tall.

stealthknack - Ugh such a cute but short-lived blog! Shared edited screenshots of the game.

totally-jammin-bridget - Shared some things on a post about how they liked Knack 2. They go by a different name now, so I'll update it soon.

thewizardlywyrm - Two (I think?) super cute digital pieces and one celebratory post about Knack 2.

woodenplankstudios - one comic about Knack, about 7 feet tall or so, breaking into the "mascot lounge" and being obnoxious for four panels. I have to admit, the art is well done.

[banbuvssummerhome]

Lostboy.EXE

On the internet, there exists multiple levels depending on the depravity and exclusivity of certain cites, services and content. The surface web, the dark web, and the deep web. The surface web is the level you’re on right now, with things like Google, Yahoo, Facebook, etc. 

The deep web is stuff that’s below the surface, stuff that’s hidden from the public eye like government cites. 

And the dark web is what it says on the tin. From counterfeit items, luxury drugs to the most depraved content one can find from child sexual abuse to cannibalism to hitmen. Or luxury pickles. It’s a mixed bag.

Today we have a game that’s been rumored to originate from such a place, Lostboy.EXE. Look, it’s cliche, but we gotta start off with the classics.

I’m sure I don’t need to introduce 4chan, it’s the edgy and lawless image board that birthed Anonymous as well as several iconic memes, the posterchild of online degeneracy. But on August 22nd, 2012, someone would unintentionally drop what I can only describe as a bomb onto the message board. An anonymous user would upload a Mediafire link to a game they’d made for the /v/ and /x/ boards, intriguing the other anons. It was some innocent fun, all things considered. 

The game consisted of a single empty maze with several images of babies and religious imagery pertaining to demonic entities, you know, the usual for horror indie games. It doesn’t take a lot to unsettle someone. Just imply crimes against children and you got a free ticket to WTF-land. But otherwise it was a pretty boring game, so people in the board complained as per usual.

Imagine this: you’re the average 4chan user who just downloaded a shit game full of creepy ass imagery yet no gameplay. Just full of weird images of infants and satanic shit, you feel that you’ve seen either an edgy kid’s attempt at a game or something you shouldn’t have seen. Maybe if you played for longer you would’ve seen something truly fucked ala Sad Satan. You go to the message board where you found the link and try to figure out what the fuck you just walked into.

And then you see your full name, address, and phone number posted in that very thread. 

You see, what many users didn’t realize at first glance was that there were not one, but two links to the game, one of which being a fake malware version of the game that gave the second uploader remote access to the computers of whoever was unlucky enough to fall for the dupe. This way the anon who made the dupe was able to get their personal information and leak it into the /v/ and /x/ threads on the game. People got paranoid after this was found out–who knew what the hacker did with their computers, they could’ve taken pictures through their webcams or worse, filled their computers with illegal child sexual abuse material. Because 4chan is fucked like that. It wasn’t like the site was unfamiliar with csam being leaked onto their site, but some people weren’t as degenerate and didn’t want to be arrested for what was essentially a 2/10 indie horror. Admins would later delete the threads and put up a warning for users to not download any content found on 4chan.

It wouldn’t be until 2023 that the alleged creator of the original safe version of Lostboy.EXE was even discovered, a Twitter user by the name of rob_is_an_idiot, who was interviewed by the French Youtuber known as Feldup. Unfortunately we do not know what the fuck was said in the interview as we are not French and refuse to learn French. But we will link to the interview, of course.

Alongside this, Rob would make a Twitter post about the subject:

“I made lostboy.exe back in 2012 and shared it with 4chan's /v/ board, it was a gamemaker 7 tutorial reskinned. There was never any other version. The "virus lostboy.exe" was just a RAT virus, not the game. They simply renamed their exe to lostboy.exe.”

While the original link still exists, I highly discourage downloading the game unless you’ve got a good antivirus or lawyer. We don’t wanna accidentally distribute “cheese pizza” or viruses here, but if you wanna seek out Lostboy.EXE that’s your prerogative, not ours. But yeah, that’s the story of Lostboy.EXE as it stands–a simple game made for shits and giggles turned into a backdoor for malicious activity and an internet urban legend that until now has been left unsolved. The moral of the story? Don’t download shit from 4chan.

Ever.

Developer Interview: « lostboy.exe » le JEU PERDU de 4chan - Findings HS

[gg-carboxylase]

Got ahold of Step by Step episode 12. We needed 2 more episodes as usual with these series.

If you've not watched the show, please do. It's worth your time, even if you feel like you're wading thru the first few episodes. It's slow burn. This is not horny hours. This is really office hours.

Spoilers under the cut obvs.

Some meta. Mostly my opinions.

I wrote that paragraph before the Mildly Spicy Bed Makeout. I kind of enjoy that Jeng shooed Pat to the shower For Reasons. At least, I personally infer bottom reasons but that's just me. Still, I would have liked more spice à la Bed Friend, but I'm a thirsty ho.

I'll get this admission off my chest — I'm bummed that we got those really spicy kisses and that's as far as it went. KP and Domundi productions spoiled me, obviously. Did I want to see them fake fuck? Yeah. I'll admit it.

The scene where they were writing out then deleting their text messages was acted to perfection.

Hot take — Ben is the worst ugly crier. We love him anyway.

Jeng is a stalker, he needs to learn to go less hard. He also needed to resign like, 2 years earlier from the company. Good for him though. Dad is hot. Shame he's a homophobe.

I am super over people singing in the shows, no matter how good they are.

I love that Jeng's passion is cooking.

You can tell this is a real Thai show because when they show that green curry, it's real green curry even if it's store bought. It's hard to find good green curry paste over here unless you're in certain places.

Jeng's mom — what was the point of a 30 second meeting. Ben is so good at being nervous and young, he's really a great actor.

The chemistry is off the charts in this episode, good Christ. They obviously had fun shooting the cake scene.

Jeng better have a hell of a savings if he's returning all his shares to his dad and putting his hopes on his restaurant.

The restaurant biz is a bitch. I grew up in the restaurant business and the margins are razor thin, even in famous and successful restaurants. Hopefully, Pat's advertising firm is doing well.

Seriously, again. Needed another couple episodes. Especially with how Jeng's dad tossed his resignation letter.

I know Man said this would be his only BL, but I would really like to see them do another show together. They really got their shit together at the end and it's rare to see a couple that can have this kind of chemistry.

The age difference works really well between them, it's comfortable — which isn't there for a lot of decade+ couples — and there's a lot of plots where this could be used. So let's manifest that.

I have no idea what the fuck Man does for a living, so I'm not sure if he's even free to do another series. Dude has an econ degree, which means nothing (no offense econ folks, you guys are like Swiss army knives). I suspect he's a mini Mile Phakphum, and just sort of exists on the largess of his family and his modeling career.

I very much liked this series. It's definitely in my list of favorites. For me, it started out rocky because I didn't understand what it was trying to do. Looking back, now that I see what the aim is, the path it took is perfect.

Would I have liked more sex? Absolutely, but as I mentioned before — I'm a thirsty ho. These lads get paid more than I make as a clinical lab scientist, spending my day making your doctor look smart. A little bed shenanigans isn't too much to ask.

Alas, I can't complain too much. The kisses we got were A+, top-tier compared to nearly any other series. The physical stuff we did get was also A+. Truly, my complaints are mostly unfounded. We could have ended up with Korean level bullshit.

I'm not going to bother with meta about the story because there's users here that are far better at articulating exactly what I want to say, so troll the tag for them.

[izzy-ikigai]

While Wikipedia is currently advertising "#SheSaid" and "Wiki Loves Women", let me just remind you that

Wikipedia is still written for and by men and women who behave in toxic "ellbow-culture" ways to get accepted by these men and

Wikipedia still does not give a singular fuck about privacy laws and does not let you easily delete or anonymize your account and what you wrote.

If they really cared what women have to say, why is it that I literally got banned from the German Wikipedia for engaging in a discussion with a somewhat new and pretty much empty account after my old(from like 2008 I think) was linked to my flesh space name by some stalkers and I didn't want to use that anymore(if I could have I would've deleted it, but alas, Wikipedia doesn't care about the EU's right to be forgotten).

And you know what I got banned for? For being a "Meta discussion/sock puppet account" because I told a (very "active") user who engaged in insulting behaviours(which is a violation of Wiki's rules) that they're breaking the rules. Let me repeat: I got banned for pissing telling someone they were breaking the rules.

So while Wikipedia boasts about how they really love women and inclusion and whatnot women like me get banned because someone who broke the rules made use of number-of-edits nepotism. Like, no wonder more and more edits are made by less and less people.

It's just like real life - it's mostly old men who have no real idea telling others they can't participate because they haven't been participating long enough.

And then they have the audacity to ask for more money just so they can do more advertisements about how great they are.

Fuck Wikipedia.

[your-dietician]

Pete Davidson Jokes About Kanye West Feud In "The Kardashians"

New Post has been published on https://medianwire.com/pete-davidson-jokes-about-kanye-west-feud-in-the-kardashians/

Pete Davidson Jokes About Kanye West Feud In "The Kardashians"

Back in August, news broke that Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson had split up after nine months of dating.

The pair reportedly found it too “difficult” to maintain a relationship due to their “demanding schedules” and “long distance dynamic.”

Though neither party has publicly discussed the breakup as of yet, a friend of Pete’s, Johnny Potenza, has since claimed that it was the Saturday Night Live comedian who initiated the split, alleging that Kim’s complicated relationship with her ex-husband, Kanye West, proved to be too much “baggage.”

Kanye, aka Ye, spent months slamming both Kim and Pete on Instagram earlier this year, though ended up largely directing his attacks toward the comic.

Ye memorably encouraged his followers to “scream” at Pete if they saw him out in public, leading Kim to beg him to stop compromising the comic’s safety. He also released several pointed lyrics threatening Pete, before depicting a cartoon-like version of his kidnapping and decapitation in a music video.

Given that Pete was embroiled in such a messy feud with Ye, and that he and Kim parted ways months later, viewers of Hulu’s The Kardashians have long questioned whether or not he’d be appearing this season, all of which was filmed while he and Kim were dating.

Well, in this week’s episode, which aired last night, fans were finally treated to their first glimpse of Pete Davidson this season — albeit over the phone.

Things begin with Kim, her sister Khloé, mom Kris, and grandma MJ gathering around to have a long overdue “gossip.”

And within seconds, Kim oh-so-candidly reveals that she and Pete had sex in front of a fireplace in “honor” of her grandmother. Completely normal, I know!

“You know what’s so crazy?” Kim tells her family. “Pete and I were staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel last weekend, and we were sitting in front of the fireplace, just talking for hours.”

“I was like, ‘My grandma told me that you really live life when you have sex in front of the fireplace,’” Kim recalls. “And so, we had sex in front of the fireplace, in honor of you,” she says, before adding: “I know that’s really creepy.”

Kim continues, “Speaking of Pete, I have to tell you guys something.” Immediately, her family members assume that the two are engaged, with Khloé even warning Kim that she only “just got divorced.”

But alas, as Kim reveals, she and Pete ~were not~ engaged, and her big announcement was simply that he was going to space.

“I’m really excited that he’s going to space,” Kim says. “He’s really gonna go, Jeff Bezos is sending him to space.” Pete was set to join six astronauts embarking on the Blue Origin mission at the time.

And then, Pete enters the conversation himself to weigh in on the whole thing.

“Space boy,” Kim says as she answers his phone call, before putting him on speaker for the whole group.

“I’m with my mom and my grandma and Khloé. My grandma says she misses you,” Kim tells Pete, who responds: “I miss you too.”

“So you’re going to space?” Kris asks. “I’m going to space,” Pete confirms, before joking about how “concerning” it is that Jeff isn’t going with him.

Then, when asked if he’s “nervous” about the trip, Pete quips: “Nah, my personal life is scarier to be completely honest.”

“I can’t wait to get the fuck away from everybody,” he continues, before jokingly telling Kim: “I think I’m gonna stay up there, babe.”

Though Pete doesn’t name any names, he is seemingly referring to the scathing attacks that Ye was firing toward him at the time all over Instagram.

Interestingly, at the time that this episode looked to have been filmed, Pete had created and swiftly deleted an account on Instagram himself, with his first post being flooded with harsh comments from Ye’s fans.

Several users wrote “Skete,” the nickname that Ye coined for Pete, under a photo shared by the comedian, before telling him that he needed to “find God.”

You can watch the latest episode of The Kardashians on Hulu now, or Disney+ internationally. The next episode will air on October 19.

incoming

Your weekday morning guide to breaking news, cultural analysis, and everything in between

Read full article here

[mariana-oconnor]

The AO3 search/filtering system has just ruined me for every other search function ever. I genuinely go onto websites, click 'advanced search' and then look at what paltry options they've given me in utter horror. How does anyone find anything? How do people survive?

[verbosebabbler]

So uh, I might have gone into a fugue state and wrote this whole thing starting from me spiralling about if Zampanio is real or not and ending in pure allegory on the nature of fiction. I'm going to let it stand unedited as an example of my particular brand of spiralling and to stand for the message it holds at the end. Zampaniosim itself is a great game. You should play it.

I do not think Zampanio is real.

And I'm not talking about not real as in it was a fake game in the story of the GameFAQ creepypasta or whatever inspired it that got a community of people all misremembering that they played it ala Polybius. No. I mean fake as in Zampanio as a concept did not exist before JR. There never was a GameFAQ creepypasta, there never was a community looking or knowing about the game, and the early marked ones in the discord server were all people JR recruited to pretend that Zampanio was something they thought was real and they played, rallied the same way JR rallied the first generation of discord users after the marked to make similar kinds of comments on the zampaniosim itchio page.

The problem is I do not know if this is true or not.

You see, throughout all the comments I've seen JR make, I've never seen them outright lie (or at least never caught it). If they don't want to answer something or want to misdirect the reader, they give some gigglesnort back speak that is technically true but can more easily be interpreted in a way that is false. Like a Fae or something.

But with discussions of the Zampanio creepypasta they're just straight faced like, oh yeah, this is an experience I genuinely had and there are real people who were looking for this thing before I got here, like they would talk about any of their other personal experiences like the flaming chickens accidental fake death or their neopets account.

But I cannot find any actual legit references to Zampanio that do not in some way connect back to JR and around the time the Zampaniosim started up. None. Zero. Nada. No the Polo Atari game wouldn't count because the word Zampanio is not uttered in any documentation, it just an unreleased old game based on the horse back riding sport.

Yet the second I feel sure in this opinion that Zampanio was never even a thing outside JR and this is all just a created fiction to add intrigue around Zampaniosim, I find more comments from JR just calmly talking about how they stumbled upon the creepypasta and community with not a hint of trickery in the delivery and made unsure all over again.

And the thing is, any comment here could not placate me. The story could be real, and I don't mean either the game or the community following a myth. Rather, Zampanio could have been a non widely read creepypasta (whether just about the game or also the community) that got deleted, became lost media, and with JR the only one to remember it, they retold the tale to others where all further discussions would lead back to JR as the sole person who saw the original.

But it could also just be fake. A URL edited to look like it was once real. The 404 or the plain redirect GameFAQ uses would be used for links that did both once existed but are hosted no longer, or links that were just changed up that never were meant to lead anywhere like https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/pc/69/big_chungus_amongus

Either way, there's no way to convince me it might have been real, and not in the way of me not wanting to be convinced otherwise. Any evidence could have been edited, or appropriated like the Polo game. Any testimony could be a recruit trying to keep the myth alive. Even a copy of the GameFAQ wouldn't be enough as JR could easily have writ one up from an alternate account before this all, delete it, and say the now dead link was what they stumbled on.

The only thing that could prove it truly separate would be an actual game or discussion of dated before Zampaniosim that has no ties to JR. And this would only be if either the game or community existed. But if the truth was just one creepypasta on GameFAQ, the most likely of these scenario, then there isn't a way to prove it.

I get upholding the fiction. ARGs are upheld on the thin thread of believability of its reality. Would people be as invested in the the perils of a group chased by Slenderman if they posted where they bought the Halloween costume on Twitter? It's just not possible to go mask off and talk about an ARG while it's running, or else it'd just be considered as like a fictional web series and held to those different standards. And for this ARG the end is never the end.

JR can talk so openly about Zampaniosim because it's clearly created and not the original Zampanio. Because the context of the ARG is that Zampaniosim is a branch off of Zampanio, and Zampaniosim's spiralling branching nature is meant to symbolize a microcosm of the branching this esoteric original Zampanio wrought. That this clear branch of Zampaniosim is an example of JR falling to the obsessive call to recreate Zampanio and from this causing others to branch off in turn. If they admit there was no original Zampanio, neither in game or legend, and they're just telling a tale of how obsession leads to spiralling branching creations of influence, the veneer of Zampanio's mystique crumbles.

Zampaniosim is a tree growing out of the ground, pretending it's only the branching tip of the great tree Yygdrasil lying below the impenetrable surface, using the myth to flock followers to nurture and grow the tree into something larger. But really, it's just a normal tree, using the lie of Yygdrasil to draw support until it's grown enough to attract followers on its own merits, as I believe it has now.

There's talk to be had why people don't invest in indie fiction, that these works have to delicately balance on the thread of "being real" just to get people to care. A sprout doesn't have to be a branch of Yygdrasil to be worth nurturing. Go aid a sapling so that it may grow into a mighty tree to stand on its own. Support indie creator's original works. End post.

[delicrieux]

—MAKE YOU SAY “OH” EXTRAS: TINDER

extra meaning non-canonical occurrence; can be placed anywhere in the “make you say oh” timeline after couple (cha. 14) and before the final “oh”. 

pairing—corpse husband x f!reader warnings—tinder profiles, tw: men, swearing.  word count—2.6k. format— written. ─── ❥ req by nonnie​:  y/n makes a youtube vid/live stream where she's just swiping through her tinder acc and corpse literally blocks her lmao

author’s note—akldsljfs this was such a funny idea i could not not write it lmao

ultimate masterlist. myso masterlist

You have pulled the biggest brain move by setting up both a facecam and a screen recorder on your phone. All is beautifully displayed and visible during the stream. Your fanbase is particularly intrigued on what exactly are you planning on doing today, seeing as your tweet of “strea” had been a bit vague, if not downright ominous. No emojis. No elaboration. You couldn’t even be bothered to finish the word. Truly, a mystery. Everyone tuned in and are currently waiting with bated breath.

A few of your fans must sense upcoming doom because the overall mood in the chat turns from optimistically intrigued to...evil. It’s an entity all on it’s own now, clawing at you through the screen with various renditions of laughter and devil emojis. A few eggplants thrown in there for good measure, accompanied, naturally, by the scandalous water drops. At first the common consensus is that you’re biting the bullet and going through your camera roll on stream. Definitely an idea worth considering, though you frankly don’t know what lies at the start of the 11k photograph journey, and you are afraid to check in public. Could be a harmless meme, could be a salacious pic you had saved of an OF star. It’s really a gamble. Either way, you would definitely get banned. You might still get banned. Why do you insist on doing shit like this?

Because it’s funny. Because you’re kinda stupid. Because it’s just so absolutely laughably easy to do.

A smile quirks your lips, and while it is not explicitly smug, the look in your eyes sure is, “Greetings,” You utter lowly, dimming the lights--the budget for this stream! Ugh, you went all out, “my children.”

mother i crave violence

sensing evil energy rn!!

i do not claim the energy in this video for myself or anyone else watching this 💖💖

^with peace and love shut the fuck up

“I know y’all lowkey hoes-” Upon your words the chat splits into two: one side eagerly agrees (even shares a few OF accounts! How helpful, supporting small businesses!), whilst the other feverishly insists on innocence. You make a face stuck somewhere between offended and bewildered, “Now c'mon now-I know you. I know you all. We’re the same, don’t-what was that?”

You try to scroll back to the comment but it’s loss in the sea of incoming messages, “I swear to God I just saw-”

Corpse_Husband: i love late night streams it’s not like i have anything better to do.

“COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORPSE!!!!” 

rip headphone users

i cant feel my face when im with you by the weeknd but instead of face its my fucking ears

yall think full vol on pc is better?my parents woke up 😭😭😭😭

To think he’s spending his last waking moments for today with watching you (he probably still would have anyway, because you do not posses an ounce of shame or self-control and pester him relentlessly)! It makes your heart sing, and suddenly, a traitorous, fun hating idea barges it’s way through the crowd of incoherent buzzing and states: don’t do this. For some reason it also has the voice of Rae. As if that would work in guilt-tripping you- Rae never succeed, and her fictitious rendition in mind won’t fare much better either.

Still, you thought about it. That must count for something. Corpse will understand, won’t he? Why don’t you want to upset it in the first place? Men look so funny when they lose their shit, like hello, don’t you have anything better to do? But the image of Corpse just sitting there, hurt, distraught, leaving you on seen because he’s in his sad boy hours leaves a sour taste in your mouth. 

queen rly went from  🥺😊 to 😕 u ok bbgirl?

Corpse_Husband: no pouts cutie

akjdjoeijdfse cUTIE??? deadass boutta r.i.p.

Well that succeeded in eliminating everything from mind, doubts included. If this was an anime, the scenery would shift into something roseate, with flowers and bubbles and sparkles all around you along with a halo or two. Alas, not an anime, rather reality. The led-lights, however, seemingly possessing a will of their own, slowly turn from deep violet to pink. You smile brightly, like the absolute dumbass you are, and you are met with a ray of heart and blushing emojis. You are just so cute, a real cutie! Still in your disguise adorable state, you swipe your finger on your phone screen, the grin never leaving your lips.

There, among the plethora of apps, nestled sits a red square with a white fire plastered on it. The delicate calligraphy on the bottom reads: TINDER.

The mood changes once again- you’re giving the roaches emotional instability by how quickly everything flips over- and the chat spams eggplants vigorously; some, of course, bravely fight against the thirst.

nooooooo i thought y/n is gonna stream in a god honoring way!!!

^pack it up girl defined

“So, Charlie and I-” You note a few awfully curious comments and squint, “-yes, we talk a lot. Charlie is a really good friend of mine. We’re best friends. Brothers. Sisters. Cousins. The whole fucking family tree-no, that sounds weird. Delete. Anyway, Charlie, being the absolute fucker he is, said, hey, you know what would be funny? And I was like, nooo, what would be funny, Charlie? And he says to me, he says, says, making fun of men on Tinder. And if y’all need any more proof that Charlie and I are platonic soulmates, then dunno, my children, my roaches, I dunno-I dunno what more to give you.”

You can’t be bothered reading the comments, there’s too damn many. You also need to save your reading comprehension for the actual bios. It has a time limit, that darn thing. 

“Okay, so I made a profile earlier, but I hadn’t swiped on anyone yet-” Despite the fact, Tinder helpfully informs you that already 99+ people have swiped right on you, “So, this is me,” You show the pictures you have of yourself, and damn, not to be a conceited narcissist, but you look really good. Like if you saw yourself on Tinder, you’d super like instantly. “Uhm, so, my bio-my bio says: let’s sauce in the tub together, ya dig? splishy splashy, giggle giggle.” 

i cant believe we are witnessing y/n trying to form a coherent sentence live 

shes trying give her time

ya dig??? y not capeesh

what scene from the godfather is this lol?

“My anthem, is,” You laugh, covering your lips with your hand, “Corpsie, this is form you-” Proudly, you show that indeed, Corpse’s E-GIRLS ARE RUINING MY FUCKING LIFE is listed as your anthem on Spotify, “Hehe.” Yes, you say that aloud.

Corpse_Husband: you’re killing me Corpse_Husband: thanks baby Corpse_Husband: now delete tinder ❤︎

You ignore his last quip, deciding it’s finally time to get this show on the road, “Right, let’s do this shit. I’m not actually going to swipe on any guys that look, uh, decent? Yuck, can’t believe I just said that, uhm, because I-because I feel like some actually deserve a chance with someone? I don’t wanna get anyone’s hopes up, as I am currently in a long distance relationship with Chrollo. So I’m just gonna swipe on, like, frat boy assholes. Because I don’t care if I hurt their feelings. Quite frankly I don’t think they possess them in the first place.”

The chat voices their agreements. With the ground rules set, you, giddy, click on the first profile.

Does Tinder know what you’re doing, your plan? The FBI agent watching you through your phone must be working overtime, bless his heart. They must, because the the first guy to meet you is named Jason, and there he is, blond hair and blue eyes, holding up a fish the size of his torso. Marginally adequate in looks, pretty good muscles. A solid 7 bordering on 8. He’s the same age as you, 15 miles away, and he studies at some college you don’t care enough to look up. Bio reads:

I like to drive fast. Fishing is my passion, but if you can’t catch me by the ocean, you’ll catch me catching waves, bro! Love a good gym date. You do squats, and I’ll keep a close eye to make sure you’re doing it correctly ;) You probably saw me at a party. Leader of the The Phi Kappa Psi. I’m a Gemini, if that matters lol.

You, of course, read it aloud, dramatically; provide some constructive criticism-he seems nice, but he’s a Gemini, so naturally, you can’t trust him at all! Also, that gym date session leaves little to be desired. With your rant done, you swipe right, and shocker! (not), it’s an instant match.

“Okie, I still wanna swipe of some profiles, so I’ll see what he’ll text later-” For a second you wonder the legalities of this stream, but you’re having too much fun to think of it further, “guys, I won't get sued, right?”

NOW she considers it

well....

if you do, we’ll kickstart your lawyer dw <3

Onto the next profile. Kevin, 25, is seen fixing his car- or, you assume he’s mid-fixing it, you don’t really know why else he’d hold a wrench and be covered in oil. He’s shirtless, and the caveman part of your brain echoes something closely resembling AWOOOGA!, but...but!...blonde hair, blue eyes. You pout again, “I don’t...I don’t really like blond boys, ya know? With the blue eyes and all, it’s just not my thing, uhm, unless it’s like-like...Armin from Attack on Titan. Else I don’t care.”

Onto the bio:

You have to treat a car like you treat a woman: go on long rides, take the lead, but most importantly, keep her oiled up 😜 

“What the fuck did I just read?”

The chat is equally confused. You swipe right anyway- another match. Too easy.

The stream continues without incident for a solid thirty minutes- all of your matches, expect a few that genuinely looked like normal dudes that really couldn’t write a decent bio to save their lives, had been blond hair blue eyed gym rats with ranging forms of misogyny. Some opened with asking for nudes out right, some asked about your day first before asking for nudes. You prefer the former. Straight to the point! You admire the gall. 

But then, down the forty-five minute mark a profile popped up that made you still by your phone, your smile dying as your eyes bulged. Dear God. Lord in heaven. Who is this demonspiit lookalike and why is he so fucking hot? The neck tats, the skateboard, the clothes- holy shit, you gotta close your mouth before some drool dribbles out.

No bio, just his name, Tyler, and that he’s 23.

“He boutta be 23 in me.” You mutter, swiping right with lightning speed.

WHAT DID SHE SAYYYYY?????????

tyler is y/ns karma for relentlessly mocking that one guy that had a whole ass list on what his “female” partner should be

^he deserved it and also tyler seems like a typical fuckboi y/n grow a braincell

look at mom 🥺 her eyes are sparkling

It wasn’t a match right away. You somehow expected as much, but it still upset you. Simp behavior, pathetic. The stream continued bravely, and when Tyler messaged you a simple “yo” you totally didn’t sequel. You didn’t manage to text him back on stream: texting all those guys that you didn’t really find all that attractive was easy, but this...You’re a sucker for a man who radiates red flag energy. His whole profile is a red flag. He might just be a red flag himself.

What can you do? Suddenly becoming color blind is not easy. Once the stream ends, you unmatch with everyone expect Tyler. He you chat with for a bit, but a sudden craving for different company makes you abandon him, too. You don’t feel too heartbroken for him- you’re certain there’s already too many girls in his dms. You wish them luck.

Happily, you delete Tinder. You go to Twitter, notice you’re trending again- look at you go! Queen shit- and as you compose a thank you tweet, something strange happens. You go to text Corpse, but when you click on his profile you grow cold.

YOU’RE BLOCKED. You can’t follow or see @/Corpse_Husband ‘s Tweets. 

...Pardon? You hop onto Instragram and-also blocked. Seriously? And you thought you’re one petty bitch. Corpse is seriously prissy about everything. Damn, if he didn’t like your stream, he could’ve just said so. Didn’t need to, like, block you from his internet existence. So not cool.

You try texting him but no text go through. Well how will you let him know you deleted Tinder just like he asked? You relieve your frustrations by punching your pillow a few times. Later, you apologize to her, you didn’t mean to hurt her, it’s not her, it’s you. Fuck, 5 minutes of exile and you’re already loosing your mind.

“Raeeeeeeeeeeee!” You whine loudly. It’s roughly 2am now, but you don’t care. You’re too heartbroken to care. There’s a thump from her room, but nothing else, “Raeeeeeeeee!!!” You wail, wallowing in self-pity on your bed. You hear a very loud, very annoyed sigh from her room, followed by angry marching. Your door is abruptly thrown open, and in the dim, colorful light you see her scowl.

“What?” She grits.

“Can you please tell Corpse to unblock me from everything?”

“What did you do now?”

“I made fun of men on Tinder.”

She pauses, “...That doesn’t sound so bad.” She surmises, voice laced with suspicion, “What else?”

“...There was one really hot guy that I kinda sorta talked to after--”

“Y/n.”

“-But I totally deleted Tinder and honestly he was pretty boring, so, like, uhm, please?”

She sighs, the servery of which implies she is holding the weight of the world on her shoulders, and instantly you know that you won. She taps away at her phone, “You owe me one.” She states, and before you can reply, she exits your room and slams the door behind her.

Grinning, you text his phone again. The message goes through, oh gosh, you’re so relieved you feel like crying. This has been, officially, the worst five minutes of your life.

You Y DID U BLOCK ME LOSER!!! MAJOR LOSER ALERT!! I DELETED EVERYTHING IT WAS A JOKE r u still mad at me? y u always mad at me i never do anything:(

my husband You’re my baby, how do you think I’ll react when I see you publicly simping for some asshole on Tinder?

Oh no, he used the words, he delivered the killing blow. You’re finished. Your heart can’t take such a workout. 

Not that you would ever admit it to him, though!

You hehe ur jellyyyy u always dis jealous hehe?

my husband Not jealous.

Yeah, you might not be the brightest tool in the shed, but even you know that’s a lie. You send him an array of kissy emojis that he doesn’t have the decency to reply to. Then, completely unprompted and dead serious, you send him a simple voice memo, saying: “You really have nothing to worry about, you know? You’re my favorite, Corpsie.”

He responds via text, reiterating that he’s not fucking jealous and that he just doesn’t like when you show such outward interest in anyone but it’s not like he cares or anything. It’s just really, like, weeeeird to see his baby simping for another man like that totally ruins the whole dynamic!!! It was only natural that he should block you on every social media platform, including his personal number (which, like, was completely necessary! Doesn’t matter that his viewers can’t see it, it’s gotta be super believable!), and inform his followers of that, because it’s all a joke, like, for the dynamic, that Youtube grind, you know? Ya dig? No personal feelings were involved at all. He totally wasn’t upset that you found someone else cute, no way!

my husband I’m not jealous. Lol.

You ik u repeated tht like 50 times  u trynna convince me or??? lmao

my husband No comment. ...You don’t actually talk to anyone else like we’re talking, right?

You no one else calls me their baby if thts wat ur wondering at least not to my knowledge lol im all urs

my husband That makes me very happy to hear:)

Yeah, it makes you very happy, too.

hope you liked it!! xx

[dropintomanga]

My Wandering Warrior Existence’s Look on Dating with Mental Health Problems

The latest Nagata Kabi memoir manga to be licensed in English, My Wandering Warrior Existence, just came out and while it’s still a heavy read, there’s a realistic positive vibe to it compared to her previous works. Nagata’s thoughts on trying to find love despite living with mental health issues are very relatable to a community of folks who 

In this memoir, Nagata decides to explore the topic of love starting with partaking in a wedding photoshoot of just herself in a wedding dress. Then she starts using a dating app after finding out a friend of hers found their future spouse there. Nagata goes through all kinds of emotions over how to stand out to potential users. She ends up quitting the app as she starts to question the process. Nagata then gets an email message from one of her loyal readers, which provided a very thorough and nuanced approach in how relationships develop. Despite all the renewed motivation to find a romantic partner via the email, Nagata decides to stop pursuing love and focus on herself for the time being. More importantly, she is happy with that decision.

I will say that trying to date when living with mental health issues is really, really hard. Dating is already complicated enough. If you have some kind of mental illness, you start to wonder when is a good time to reveal it. You start to stress over whether you can control yourself on the first date. What if your date starts to avoid you once you reveal it all? What if they will never understand you? And let’s say the relationship happens. What happens when the hard stuff eventually comes due to the mental illness? Will your partner call it quits or bear with it?

While coming up with a good dating profile, Nagata decides to put her flaws on full display in order to prevent eventual disappointment for anyone who reads it. However, much to her dismay, Nagata gets several messages and likes on her profile as it appears guys find her to be “easy.” I remember something a mental health advocate once wrote about dating - don’t reveal your flaws right off the bat on your dating profile if you choose to do online dating. The focus should be on what you enjoy about life. But to be honest, a lot of those dating profiles are a bit too much on the positive side of things.

So I’m going to share something I remembered after reading Nagata’s dating app experiences - my own experiences using OkCupid. Yes, I used an online dating site a few years back. I decided to go for it because why the hell not. I thought, let’s see what’s out there. So the profile I created was something that Nagata might do. I made a blunt and honest profile about how I viewed life. I wasn’t about having some lucrative career or making a crap ton of money; I was about exploring the meaning of life. I wish I had a saved copy of the text of the profile, but alas, I don’t. Anyway, I got a few likes and I actually messaged someone whose profile listed they had bipolar disorder. They replied back, but unfortunately, nothing came out of it because we both weren’t willing to meet each other in the places we wanted to meet.

I often wonder whether it’s best to date someone with mental health problems/illness like me. I don’t know if anyone else could put up with me. Maybe I’m the problem and I wasn’t aware of it. I’ve thought deeply as Nagata did about finding love. Nevertheless, I deleted my OkCupid account because I thought it was a waste of time and the profiles I found were a bit too much for me.

Which leads into a really traumatic experience that Nagata mentions in the book - she was sexually assaulted at the age of 6. I’m not going to discuss the incident in full (as it’s terrifying), but I can say that the experience appears to have left ramifications in Nagata’s approach to finding love. She says she has no faith in people after what happened and it’s one of the hurdles getting in the way. I thought about the dating profiles I visited and many of them made me lose faith in people and/or dating someone in general. Nagata does mention that sexual assault survivors are still able to find love and maybe she’s overthinking things, so I wonder if I’m overthinking myself as I know dating sites commodify their users as nothing more than just “Yes/No” pieces.

There’s some amazing parts in the end of the book where Nagata talks about self-love and loving yourself before others. For those struggling with self-compassion, I totally recommend reading Nagata’s comments in this book about loving yourself. We live in a vicious culture where self-blame is the norm. Self-love without comparison does wonders for Nagata as she talks about enjoying hobbies in an uplifting bonus chapter in the end. She shows enthusiasm in picking up the ukelele, purchasing a fridge, and growing bonsai. I will yell until the day I die that self-compassion always beats self-esteem as the latter relies on comparing yourself to others (a huge indicator that often leads to mental health problems). Self-compassion is a very attractive quality in a person and I think it’s a big factor in making love grow.

I think that’s all I have say about My Wandering Warrior Existence. Don’t force love; just let it come naturally. And if you’re not in love still, it’s okay. There’s different kinds of love to spread to yourself and others. 

Also, while the term “wandering warrior” can be stressful in the case of Nagata’s experiences, I feel that it’s necessary to think like one. Life is more than just work and status; it’s about finding out how to find inner fulfillment, questioning why things are the way they are, and more importantly (in the case of Nagata), realizing that we all share a common humanity with one another and the existence of it is worth fighting for. 

[donnerpartyofone]

Sometimes when I see someone get accused of racism or terfism or fascism or full-on specifically being a nazi on here, whether I've ever heard of the accused before or not, I go down this rabbit hole of trying to figure out what they did to deserve that, and it VERY rarely goes anywhere. Like the accusations are exactly as passionate and incendiary as they are empty, and most often it seems like they have to do with this relational algebra that links together masses of other blogs that have been accused of the same thing, and it's impossible to know which one of them, if any, has ever posted something that literally, genuinely impugned the rights of other human beings. The point of origin could easily be something totally spurious, a personal attack based only on pettiness, or a mythological belief about the secret significance of some celebrity, or something similarly insubstantial, but you'd never figure it out without like hiring a sociology intern to interview every single person repeating the accusation. In my direct experience, most of the time you try to follow up on the accused, you can scroll their blog forever and never find anything construably political, or even anything that's particularly connected to reality. And the accusation usually comes in the form of often-anonymous messages to other users ala "you should delete your reblog from X they are fash", and sadly the recipient very often replies "omg thank you for telling me" and immediately does what they are told. I assume they're just afraid they'll wind up on the blacklist if they don't, because I can't imagine being so trusting! But I love the reply I saw this morning to that kind of message where anon was advised to "go outside and practice talking to people" so they can work on their persuasion skills, because their current approach is totally not working. Meanwhile on Twitter I see people posting about their relentless process of reporting accounts with usernames so flagrantly vile it makes your eyes water, and Twitter does nothing about it even though the name itself is hate speech, you don't even need any further context to identify the problem. Like I'm 100% sure bigotry is alive and well on tumblr, all I'm saying is that the accusations of full-blown nazism dramatically outweigh the number of posts I see that are actually suspect. Maybe I'm just "curating my online experience" correctly. Anyway when I typed the word "nazi" way back at the top, my keyboard autocorrected it to "nation", so now my phone is canceled and I have to throw it in the toilet, bye.

[toriwakes]

Pretty Boy 187 [s.r x reader]

summary: reader finds out that her new found tumblr crush is none other than her coworker.

content warnings: she/her!reader, mentions of alcohol

a/n: hi!! i’m so happy to be posting again. i’m really proud of this, so i hope you all like it! as always, let me know if you have any requests!

convincing spencer to get tumblr was tough. not only did he hate technology, he didn’t like social media either.

“it’s gonna be fun! c’mon, please?” you’ve been bugging him about it for about a week. “spencer, please just download it. if i have to hear (y/n) whine again i’m gonna loose it.” said derek, plopping is papers on his desk. “you like it when i whine.” you teased, causing derek to flash you a toothy grin. “alright! jeez.” you clapped of joy and jumped to help spencer, but he stopped you. “no way, i’m not letting you follow me.” he kept his phone facing away from you, your arms dropping to your sides in defeat. “fine. i’ll find your account somehow.” “we’ll see about that.”

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

over the next few weeks you acquired a few new followers, only one catching your eye. ‘prettyboy187’ followed you on a quiet friday afternoon. the username caught your attention at first, but when you checked is profile? that’s when you were hooked. half of his pictures were just aesthetically pleasing: outside of his window, his extreme sugary coffee, some books. but others...

it was an excerpt of a poem and his hand was holding back the pages. you doubt he meant to capture it so beautifully. just his hand was godly. you wasted no time dming him.

hey :)

how desperate did you look right now? he followed you barley an hour ago. you cant stop staring at that picture.

hello

he didn’t sound happy. well, he didn’t “sound” anything, you guys were texting. but you could feel his tone through the screen. where you overthinking this too much? you shuffled into your bed, wrapping yourself in the covers as you pondered what to say next.

i just wanted to tell you i really like your account. are you a photographer or something?

no, i’m not. my friend convinced me to get this app and i noticed people post aesthetically pleasing photos on here, so i’m just doing the same haha.

ok, well you don’t post nice pictures. at least, not that type. maybe you’d post a picture of the snow or your bed, but every now and then you’d bless the feed with a picture of you in a swimsuit. it was more for opinions on the suit than anything else.

ohh. maybe i should start doing that.

how do you mean?

oh.

that sounded like a very judge-y ‘oh’. your eyes scanned your own profile to see what he could’ve hated. there was you in your favorite red swimsuit, a picture of your computer with netflix on the screen. the rest of the posts were of the same type, so you couldn’t pinpoint what the problem was.

what is it?

no, nothing. your recent picture. that’s a nice swim suit.

oh. that’s what he meant. you practically threw your phone across the room and squealed. thank the universe that he didn’t dislike you already. you shot him another text. just like that, you had your first ever tumblr crush.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“what’s up with you pretty girl?” derek asked when you walked into work. you supposed you still had the blush on your face when pretty boy wished you a good morning and day at work. “nothing!” you said, obviously it being something. as if on cue, spencer walked in behind you also giddy. “what, you’re both sweet on someone now?” when neither of you responded, derek laughed. “what?” emily inquired, taking her seat. “spencer and (y/n) both have a crush.” emily’s jaw dropped. “spencer has a crush?” everyone broke into laughter, jj overhearing and almost dropping her files. “why is that so surprising?” spencer defended himself, derek giving him a ‘you know the answer to that’ look. “well?what’re their names?” he pushed. you bit your tongue. you didn’t even know his name. yikes. “let’s start.” aaron called. saved by hotch. thank goodness. “this ain’t over.” derek warned the two of you. yes it was. by the end of the day morgan would’ve forgotten all about this.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you were right like always. morgan didn’t ask anymore about it, instead offering to get drinks. you turned it down, desperate to get home and text your boy. and you did, only at 11pm.

hey, sorry it’s so late. had a long day at work.

no worries, so did i. listen, i have a question.

this boy only sent messages that would make your heart drop. with a pacing heart, you texted back.

yes?

his ‘online’ button flashes on. then he was typing. then he was deleting. it seemed like hours before he responded.

what’s your name?

godamnit. you didnt have a display name because you didn’t want anyone you knew finding your account. what’s a fake name you can use? maybe...

lila.

why did you pick spencer’s ex’s name? you don’t know. you remember being insanely jealous of her because she got to kiss spencer in the pool while you were posted outside. your crush on spencer was still very much alive, but not as much as it was with pretty boy.

that’s a pretty name.

thanks. now you have to tell me yours ;)

you’ve never been so nervous for a text conversation in your life. for some reason, the back of your head wondered what it would be like if you were texting spencer. it was just a thought, though. spencer would never say half of this stuff.

call me morgan.

oh NO. please no... you stalked his profile again, terrified that you’ve been flirting with your coworker this past month. alas, your eye caught another body picture- this time of his arm. no tattoos like derek. not to mention he was much smaller. not that that’s a bad thing. you don’t think you’d ever be able to handle derek...

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

you arrived at work yet again with a blushing face. “come on, you can’t keep hiding this from me! tell me something at least!” derek whined. “okay! his name is morgan. and i know what you’re thinking, and no, it’s not you, my boy is much more attractive.” derek’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape in fake offense. “that’s damn near impossible. ain’t nobody prettier than derek morgan.” spencer walked in now, again with a dorky smile on his face. “spencer. (y/n)’s got a crush on-“ you jumped to cover his mouth, the sound of your crush’s name muffled. “what- hey! no fair! derek gets to know but i cant?” spencer whined. derek held his hands up and sat back down, not wanting to get you mad. smart. “three can’t keep a secret.” was all you said before sitting down to clean your workspace.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the new highlight of your day was texting morgan. you learned several things about him; he has a job he can���t specify for personal reasons, he really wants a dog but he feels like animals hate him. you told him about your cat joel, and how they could absolutely love him. he appreciated that.

if i tell you something, do you promise not to freak out?

depends. are you about to tell me you’re a serial killer?

no!

you giggled to yourself at your humor.

i wanna meet you.

you promised not to freak out, but you were freaking out. it was just now setting in that you didn’t know this man at all. where he lived, how old he was, even what he looked like. you took a few deep breaths and asked a question.

where do you live?

quantico virginia.

no hesitation on that one. he lived in the same town as you? you didn’t know how you’d be able to turn this down...

shit, me too. let’s meet up then.

i’ll send you a good place to get drinks.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“every time you walk in here, you’re blushing. now so are your ears.” you beamed at derek, sitting at your desk before spilling. “i’m gonna meet him.” “wait what? are you sure that’s safe?” you rolled your eyes. “i’m an fbi agent. i’m not scared of a little danger.” you playfully winked and derek blew out a huff of air. “if anything happens, you know you can call me.” you pouted at your friend and nodded, appreciating his concern. spencer was spinning in his seat. “you happy too?” you asked. he only nodded and didn’t elaborate. you we’re going to press on, but hotch called you all in and you lost your chance.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

on rare occasions, the bau got tough cases with very happy endings. this was one of those cases. the plane ride home was extremely joyous and derek offered to get drinks again. this time, everyone accepted (all except hotch). you texted morgan telling him you were going out tonight and you wouldn’t be back till late. you laughed to yourself. it was like he was your boyfriend.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

the night was young and you were fairly tipsy. ok that’s generous, you were drunk. you were spending most of your time with penelope and it took you a minute to remember spencer. “ohmygosh! spence!” he was startled at your presence but he gave you that flat mouthed smile of his. “how are you! you’re my favorite scorpio.” you nodded as you said it, as if trying to convince him it was true. “thanks? i’m good. you’re drunk.” he pointed out. “no shit. hey!!! you never showed me your tumblr user! you gotta show me that girl you like, bet you she’s really sexy.” you didn’t even know what you were saying at this point, whipping out your phone and snapping a picture with spencer. “what are you doing?” he asked, watching you type. “posting this on tumblr! i want everyone to know you’re my favorite in the world.” he wanted to ask favorite what, but a ping on his phone distracted him. lila posted. he smiled and checked her page.

holy fuck.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

“(y/n)?” he asked, not looking away from his phone. “yess?” you responded. “what’s your tumblr?” what is your tumblr? “uhhh..i don’t know, check.” you tossed him your open phone, and his eyes only grew wider. “you’re lila?” the words rang through your ears like a siren. “what?” the word was breathy, you couldn’t add stability to what you said. spencer showed you his phone, ‘prettyboy187’ on the screen. “you’re morgan?” still no confidence in your voice whatsoever. your feelings were supposed to change, you weren’t supposed to like that morgan was spencer. but they didn’t. you didn’t even think about the fact he saw your swimsuit photos. you loved that morgan was spencer, and you still wanted to see him on the weekend. “are you mad?” you asked, not being able to stop yourself from sipping from your glass. “no. should i be?” you smiled. “no. do you still wanna meet up this weekend?” “yes. but i don’t wanna get drinks.” he wasn’t even drinking, why is he complaining. “where should we go then?” “my house.”

[staylavendertea]

music, ya know

this is a complete impulse of lying in bed middle of the night thoughts that i don’t even know if anyone’s gonna see that have been stemmed off the experiences of the past couple days, topic of 1:41 am mind boggle:

music and it’s aesthetic and importance in literal every sense cause it’s just that important to me

first experience of realizing this, i’ve always loved film scores and listening to music and the orchestral pieces from movies and shows, but it really seemed to hit me recently, like the fact that this week’s new LOKI episode, no spoilers, has the most badass score and a badass scene with such a perfect mix and musical atmosphere. i literally had one of my best friends over, who has a very small interest in comics, cinema, marvel in general, especially a show about a norse comic god that they know nothing about, and whilst they sat there for my own regard, watching the show like a normal human being would, i sat there clinching their hand, watching in awe as our music is louder than actors talking tv speakers spurted out the most spine tightening world building story and just wandered “jesus that was good” and whilst i will always think about the superior acting, cgi, the amount of different people that just went into those few scenes and like what was physical set and what was computer image and what the hell did i just watch that has my brain running olympic marathon circles right now?

the thought that said brain kept going back to was that fucking score. it was literally tearing apart of every corner of my head and why was it doing that?

second experience, another marvel one, but i digress. black widow (no spoilers i promise), thursday night, movie theater for the first time in i can’t even remember how long now and we set through so many previews just for fucking boss baby to start playing and the reaction of the theater to make me burst out laughing.

however whatever works in that little projection box, gets fixed and the movie is pushed to just a little before it starts, a nice small pepsi ad, the regal rollercoaster intro (if you go to regal movie theaters ya know what i’m talking about), and then i hear it - the marvel studios logo - something so musically engraved into my head that my ass that can’t sing for anything, can harmonize with the sound and makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up around movie theater surround sound. but i can’t think of that now, i’m here to watch black widow, a movie on hiatus with the rest of the world for so long now, a character i didn’t know much about it or truly, didn’t have the most connection with in the first place. yet through that one movie, i seemed to build one of those.

ofc though scarlett johansson’s beautiful acting and world building, but it isn’t until the end of the movie that i even realize why. it was the fucking score again. when i think about it, the beginning of the movie felt like all of black widows scenes in the avengers movies for me, kinda just, there. not really emotionally tugging, not bad ofc either, but just, there. in the present, watching something cool in motion. but then it hits, what i can only describe as a theme that somehow tells the entire black widow movie in one singular composition. something so badass, story telling, but also just singularly black widow-esk. i can tell you that i walked out the movie theater rambling about the composition and looking up composers.

third experience, the most recent as it was literally like 20 minutes ago and sprung one train rail of a thought process that immediately tugged me into typing this brain vomit into a tumblr post. i have playlists. for everything. and when i say everything, i fucking mean everything. i’m a writer and a reader, i have playlists mostly for the young avengers, my most utter comfort characters, and their stories i’m writing. i also have playlists/genre/specific song for about every book i read.

when i read red white and royal blue when that came out, i noticed i listened to one of the drunks by panic at the disco the entirety of the ending of the book and the words and music fit together like puzzle pieces, not only did it make the reading experience better, but i was so fucking emerged in my over hyper-imagitive brain that when i finally actually finished the book, i still never left. rewind present day to the beginning of this past june, one last stop comes out, ofc i get it the day it comes out with my anticipation building like wildfire. i start reading that night and i put on my recents on my liked songs playlist (true to true spotify user) and i slowly over the next day as i read and finish the book, windle down to the genre, then the band, to the album, to the exact song that feels like the carbon copy of the words i’m reading. that song was only ones who know by the arctic monkeys. now go back to this past week, anyone who reads the carry on series knows, anyway the wind blows came out this past tuesday. i waited till wednesday to buy the ✨pretty special addition barnes and nobles copy✨ so that the dear friend that indulged me by watching loki that same day could buy it at the same time and make a cute book date or whateva. i started reading that night and something just felt ,,, off. i didn’t know what it was, but i was living off the pure joy that simon and co give me so i ignored the feeling. until i realized why it felt off this morning. i wasn’t listening to any fucking music, literally nothing, not even queen. motherfucking. queen.

i looked for the snowbaz playlist i made when i read carry on for the first time back in 2016/2017 when i was still a freshman in high school just to remember i deleted that literally forever ago. so i made a new one. like an hour and a half ago. very inspired on how i made the playlists for the young avengers and all their stories. letting the music talk.

the fact that all these rambling thoughts have led to this conclusion makes my head hurt, but for me at least in my own experiences. music talks. a two way conversation. a radio broadcast, turning the peg until you match the same frequency thats being put out and you can hear it and understand it. it’s like when you see comedians on stages or actors on panels, they talk, you have reactions, you talk back, and so forth the loop continues until the last voice, last note, rings out. music and songs and orchestral pieces and bands and composers and lyric writers are telling you the stories in reverse. they don’t know their doing it, obviously they meant something entirely different in their creations, but it’s like literature and any work of words and storytelling. interpretation. to me, the notes, pianos, violins, guitars, drums, singers, cellos, and anything that can make sound you can think of, is telling you something. whispering in your ear as you watch or read. facial features, emotions the characters dont say out loud, outfits, they way their standing or talking or moving or interacting with anything and everything.

when i just made that carry on playlist, i played it, decided to try read some good almost 2 am fan fic as you do, my hanging on by a thread sleep brain telling me words aren’t recognizable right now, and tighten myself into a blanket to see if i can sleep at all. the playlist still plays and my never shuts up head thinks it’s own daydreams, stresses out about anything it can, that is until the song plays. the one that just speaks the carry on trilogy language. the one that i found whilst i was reading wayward son and then would play whenever i re read carry on. the one that started this whole way too long ass post in the first place. cant be alone tonight by atlas. i heard just the first sound and i saw them, as if i were in the same room, like i never even put the book down in the first damn place because i’m actually terrified of finishing it. i could see simon in his oversized hoodies, baz in an outfit that was way too good just to be sitting inside, agatha looking as pleasantly pretty as ever, penelope poking fun at shepherd, and shepherd poking fun right back; bickering, laughing, saying the dialogues i try to remember so i can write them later, existing.

in a way music doesn’t just talk, but it lives. it lives and breaths. a three way conversation you could say. characters, stories, plot, and settings talk to the music, then the music delivers us listeners the message, so that we can send one back. this literally took me over an hour to write and i should point the important note that i do have synesthesia where colors and sounds and colors and words do the association so this entire thing might be me being entirely biased, but alas, i love sound so much and if there is anyone else that feels the same ways as i do as just a simple good film score and song makes anything ten times better, feel free to talk, i will totally be awkward, but i need some music freaks like myself around so feel free to hit me up, also if you love movies and cinema also feel free to hit me up as i need movie buddies and now it’s 3 am and i will be going to bed - peace out 🛸