#alas i can only!!!! cry in the tags
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the-dye-stained-socialite · 3 months ago
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Josie Pinup for @thedeafprophet ;) (full nudity below the cut)
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i think october wants her cloak back josie 🤭
(based on this:)
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#(yes i can draw legs properly HOWEVER josie has EDS so i wanted to have her hyper-extending the one knee because. she deserves to be#seen as pretty Including her bendy joints damnit!!!!!!!)#anyways#phantom of the opera moments much josie? my my#you guys would not BELIEVE how my phone has SLAUGHTERED this piece in particular!!! i can't even do my normal little photo app editing trick#(telling my phone to use the 'enhance' or 'contrast' settings :( )#like. in person josie is super super smeared and washed out in her reflection! but october is actually only a tiny bit smeared and not#washed out at all! so she Sticks Out a lot!!! because she's a parabolan ghost with a lot of parabolan power mastery and i wanted her to seem#... Disturbingly Tangible#but my phone picks up on fucking NONE of that#and yet somehow it's picking up and EMPHASIZING all this white texture and spotting that is legitimately Barely Visible in person#and like. her stretch marks are nowhere near as bright!! they're nice and natural looking i prommy#and it's over-emphasizing the lightness of her palms too aaaaaaaa#anyways. I'm crying over how my phone just. murders my art for funsies. waugh#please please please i promise it looks a thousand times better in person 😭😭😭#her face too :(#alas alas.#dye stained art#suggestive#also tmblr don't kill me this is a fuckung pinup. artistic nudity. aaa#sometimes i will just draw ocs naked for stress relief!!! because i like how bodies are shaped#hnnnnnng gold ink <3#mirrors#ask to tag#others ocs#josie
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pekoeboo · 9 months ago
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feeling Emotional tonight and i ended up crying ugly tears thinking about Khalan again. it's always the songs from my character playlist that get me good, man 😭
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hauntingblue · 28 days ago
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I'm still scared in sabaody
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This is crazy...
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THS IS LIKE 300 CHAPTERS AWAY!!!!! THE SMILE... and mingo being the owner of the slave house for the tenryuubitos... OF COURSE
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Look.... luffy enablers vs normal rational people
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I was like yeah sure luffy was saying he wanted to become king of the pirates but rayleigh didn't explicitly say roger wanted to become pirate king just that people called him that so I am SURE shanks is saying luffy has the same dream we don't know about as Roger. Which lines up bc luffy said shanks knew of it and then in wano ace tells yamato and he says roger said the same thing and ace also knew of it!!! Which is crazy that it's set up this early but EVERYTHING is being set up here
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I need to frame this btw.
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Shakky the mother that stepped up.... also new conspiracy theory shakky is Hancock's mother bc she is a fan of luffy and hancock is too.... she was busy being a pirate to take care of hancock so she feels incredibly guilty about what happened to her so shakky either hasn't told her and hancock doesn't know or they have a difficult relationship. Yeah sure whatever. I dont care if rayleigh is her father or not bc as you know I believe in asexual reproduction in one piece thank you.
🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️🧎🏻‍♀️what can I say
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😳🫣
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Here we fucking go again..... I can't do this
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Incredible face sanji
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SHE KNOWS!!!!!!
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Luffy tearing up...... christ
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Sanji getting away from his group with nami to save zoro will never get old like jesus christ look at this
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CHOPPER 😭😭😭😭😭😭
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CRAZYYYYYYY IM GOING CRAZYYYYY
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LUFFYYYYYYY NOOOOO
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NAMIIIIII NOOOOOOOOOO nami asking for help and luffy not being able to help her this time.... this is so sick and twisted
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THE WAY THIS GETS WAY WORSE MAKES ME SICK!!!!!!!!!!! SICK!!!!!! TWISTED!!!!!!!!
#the only loser who doesn't know who rayleigh is is luffy (and his crew) 😭😭#also another giant who thanks the crew.... we got FIVE and another one is still in dressrosa..... they are special#also hachi knows about haki!!!!! and they all could hold it together??? i thot rayleigh coukd target it or smth#also i need law and jean bart lore... how did he knew who he was... what crew did he had.... how did he end up like that... etc#it's so cute that after the captains finish their fight their crew comes to save them akdjsksk killer bepo and sanji....#robin knew who rayleigh was aldjskdjks she was sure the others weren't dubassess too akdhaksnks#now that rayleigh is talking about roger i wonder if we will ever get a flashback of rogers final years(?) and why he decided to have ace..#the blank 100 years that happened 900 years ago.... so thats 900 to 800 years ago... i thought it was 500 to 400 years ago.... welp#i WANT luffy to hear the voices of all living things in the world like roger so bad.... when that happens i will cry so much....#borsalinos faces are so funny... and so detailed too. ALSO APOO GET OUT OF HERE I HATE YOUUUUUUU GET OOOOOUT DIEEEEE#the mere sight of zoro with that stripped shirt running thru the trees.... i can't do it....#franky defending chopper and robin catching franky when he falls... yeah#this is the same level of desperation we got in enies lobby after luffy defeats lucci but cant move.... christ#in the manga sanji doesnt try to hold a pacifista by his ankle and gets dragged off to protect zoro.... sad....#The three white pages after the chapter ends.... no sbs nothing.... luffy hitting his head... and he will be doing shrooms next....#i havent cried with this one this is progress... i mean i have suffered still but alas... progress. saving up tears for marineford#and welp. here we have sabaody done. amazon lily keep me stable for a while please#i know the end......#talking tag#reading one piece#knowing whats coming didnt diminish the anguish. christ.#so funny how you can see me going insane the moment the sabaody incident happens... real
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monsterbisexual · 1 year ago
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i already feel like today is gonna be hard for me :/
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megamagimugi · 5 months ago
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He's-a Gone
Luigi time! To suffer, that is.
(CW: character death)
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This is obviously a sort of comlementary piece to I Was-a Too Late. But it's more than just that as it also illustrates a certain fun, dark what-if idea I had. Please keep reading if you're intrigued!
Lore:
Luigi's Mansion, the first game. Everything goes the same as in canon until the final boss fight, when Luigi defeats King Boo in his Bowser costume. After King Boo comes out and Luigi intends to suck him in, the villain laughs and reveals the truth: Mario's painting was an illusion, so was everything Madame Clairvoya saw. All just to mess with Luigi. Meanwhile the real Mario wasn't just captured by the Boos, he was immediately killed by them on their King's orders. The only physical thing that's left of him in this realm is the five items Luigi found - hidden by the Boos for Luigi to find, another part of King Boo's sick game.
Luigi is able to finish the fight despite his shock and grief, fueled by the anger King Boo never expected from him. After getting out of the painting the plumber discovers that it is indeed empty, no Mario or anyone else in the portrait.
Heartbroken and guit-ridden, Luigi goes back to Professor E. Gadd's lab and gives him back the Poltergust 3000. He doesn't even want to stay long enough to see what is going to happen to the ghosts. Of course the Professor tries to offer some semblance of comfort, but we all know it's not his forte.
So Luigi leaves, only taking Mario's five items with him. He notices that the mansion has disapeared without a trace. The reality of it all finally hits him, and he practically collapses onto a nearby tree's large root protruding from the ground, putting down the precious items around himself, only leaving the matching red hat and the letter in his hands. He should have known something was off. After all, the Mario he saw in the painting was wearing his hat and both gloves.
Looking at all these items, to his growing horror he can't help but imagine what exactly might have happened to his brother and what his last moments might have been like. He hugs the hat to his chest and rereads Mario's note several times, knowing that the brief warning was his brother's last words to him.
Luigi can do nothing but cry for the beloved brother he couldn't save, desperately wishing it was his warm, living and breathing body pressed to his chest rather than just a couple of his belongings.
But Mario is truly gone, apparently having met such a horrific fate that not even a single part of his body is left in the physical world.
[Good night]
…I'll leave the rest up to your imagination ;) Sorry if I got carried away with my description. Occasionally even I enjoy being a little dramatic, though I'm no writer whatsoever.
Yeah, I'm not apologizing for making this one - I was nicer to Luigi than to his bro, at least here the Mushroom Kingdom and everyone in it (except for Mario lol) is still okay!
But alas,
You can no longer play as Mario (warning: this is a video with sound)
Rest in spaghetti, funny wahoo man.
@federthenotsogreat I'm tagging you because you said you wanted more Mario art like I Was-a Too Late, thought you might like this one too!
@drones-of-innocence Also tagging you because you were interested in my idea.
Edit: Tagging a few more mutuals who might want to see this based on their reaction to my previous angsty work just in case, feel free to ignore. Or ask me to remove the tag if you want, no problem.
@silenzahra (remember, no rush) @c-lavanda @jell-o101 @stripetkattelalala54-gf
@luigixfanxayjay @itsavee4117
And you @giddlygoat just because you have a Luigi's Mansion AU and I thought you might appreciate this... Also because I'm a fan 👉👈
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animeyanderelover · 1 month ago
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This will be my first request, I am very happy because I LOVE your writing.
Alas aside, Yandere falls in love with a woman older than them who is very maternal for having a child, when he proposes she rejects him because she feels that they should not waste themselves on a woman who already has a child (You can do with the father whatever you want ).It would be with Atsushi, Akutagawa, Daichi Sawamura, Oikawa and if you want to add any more I don't mind
Sorry for my bad english😘😘
Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional behavior, clinginess, manipulation, stalking, threats, violence
Tags: @shumidehiro @leveyani
You shouldn’t waste your time on me
Sawamura Daichi
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🌅​Cries of a small child are what guide him through the crowds on that day, his eyes flickering over the people before they finally land on the boy who is standing there all alone. Upon asking him what happened the child tells him that he got distracted and lost his mother. As not only a police officer but also a decent human being Daichi immediately helps, asks the boy where him and his mother were last together and if he knows where his mother planned to go. If worst comes to worst and he won't be able to find the boy's mother he'll just ask the boy where he lives and will bring hm home to wait together with him until his mom returns. Luckily it never comes that far as Daichi is able to find you after half an hour of searching, the boy instantly leaving his side and running to you with tears in his eyes. He's far too humble in your eyes as he is confronted with your gratefulness, tells you that he only did his job and that anyone would have helped a crying child. Still, you make some small talk with him as you ask for his name and both of you start talking for a while with each other. That's how he finds out that you recently moved to the Miyagi prefecture with your child and live close to his neighbourhood.
🌅​The fact that he doesn't live far away from you and that he helped your child are major reasons that aid the two of you in getting so close to each other. Also, your son's dream is it to work for the police later on so he obviously views Daichi as his hero, something that flusters the man deep down a lot more than he shows. He visits you once a week when he has a free day, often bombarded with questions from your son about his job until you softly chide your child for his uncontrolled excitement. You admit to him relatively early that you moved here because your husband died and your parents live nearby as you also need to work and need someone to look after your son. Hearing that your husband died strangely enough makes more sense to him than if someone would have divorced you as only an ignorant fool would have let someone like you go. Daichi is not even going to deny his own feelings, he knows that he's extremely attracted to you. You're kind yet not too coddling, you're responsible and patient, you listen to the worries of others and are always willing to help where you can. Watching you raising your son sometimes reminds him of his high school days, a fond look on his face.
🌅​Daichi is able to stay patient in spite of his obsession, especially if the loss of your husband has been very recent. He gives you time, he allows you to grieve and focuses in the meantime on helping you and your child to integrate into the new city. The thing is that he fills that role of a supportive husband and father so nicely that neighbours and even your own parents and son can't help but support the two of you getting together. When you reject him he is a bit disheartened but he takes it really well because he realises that you didn't do so because you do not love him. You reject him because you feel not good enough but that in itself is still quite hurtful. You're such a wonderful person after all. He doesn't mind the little age gap nor does he think of you less because you have a child. In fact he's grown very fond and protective of your son who you have raised wonderfully. Still, it's wiser to not pressure you so he steps back for now. His confidence remains though, knowing that you didn't deny not being able to see him as a partner. He'll just stay in your life as a pillar of support for now and will slowly make you realise that you are everything but a waste to him.
Oikawa Tooru
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👑​After a difficult divorce you make the decision to completely change your life and decide to try to reach for a dream you had when you were younger but gave up later on, deciding that you might not make it. It's better to try and fail then to never take the step. After many months of interviews, exchange of mails and documents you receive the news though. You did it. You're one of the managers for your favorite volleyball club, Club Athletico San Juan. You're so joyous, almost feel like a school girl all over again as you read the letter over and over again, kicking your feet and grinning like an idiot. Oikawa is still Oikawa even if he is by now an adult, his charming attitude still there as soon as you're introduced to the team as their new manager. His other teammates just watch with half amusement and half pity as Oikawa's charm ultimately never works. Sure, he manages to charm people quickly but he never manages to hold a relationship and they would hate for their setter and new manager to be on bad terms from the very start. You, with the divorce still freshly on your mind though, put your foot firmly down and clarify it to Oikawa very clearly that you have no intention of dating.
👑​Obviously Tooru is miffed about your blunt rejection yet another part of him can't help but respect your determination. You know what you want to focus on and he wants to acknowledge that, especially since he is essentially the same. The keyword here is want because who would have thought that his feelings would slip out of his grasp of control so quickly? You know when to put him and his childish antics in his place, chiding him almost as if he were a child and the experience feels only more realistic when he realises that you're a few years older than he is. The fact that you work so closely with him only enables him to be very overbearing as he dreams up all kinds of minor inconveniences so that he has something to complain about to have your attention on himself. Your daughter is a shocker as you have never talked about your private life before and whilst other players gush over your child he gives her a strange look at first, his mind trying to process what it could mean. He pesters you privately about it, his eyes desperate and his body tense. The tension leaves his body at least partially when you admit with a heavy sigh that you had a rough divorce before you started working here.
👑​Oikawa doesn't take the rejection very well, his heart dropping even though it doesn't have to do with the fact that you don't see him that way. Still, it is hard to stay logical with a heart as sensitive as his, especially since he is prone to being delusional. He just doesn't understand. What is it that he could have done better?? He has made it more than obvious that he is deeply in love with you. He's showered you in presents, constantly demands your attention and has even made the effort to get closer to your daughter despite initial caution he held. Is that still not enough?? What do you want him to do?? Please tell him what he as to do in order for you to accept. Honestly, your maternal instincts will come quite in handy as you're confronted with Tooru whilst his feelings threaten to burst out of him. Because it helps him to calm down and gives him the reassurance he so desperately craves from you in that moment. Nevertheless though, he ramps up his affection from a 10 to an 11 after that incident. If the problem is simply that you don't feel good enough he will change your mind. You're forgiven this one time. Do not reject him a second time though or else he might just make your job more difficult.
Nakajima Atsushi
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🐅​The gentle love of a parent is a notion so foreign to Atsushi that the first encounter he has with you leaves him almost on the edge. Your kind words, the patient look in your eyes, the warmth and comfort you provide him with by simply being in the room threatens to burst his heart right at the seams. After cold deprivation for as long as he can remember your presence feels like being drowned in a bathtub filled with hot water. It's overwhelming almost, scorches his skin yet he gladly submerges himself in the heat and the sensations that come with it. He's almost immediately infatuated with you, finds himself yearning for your affection in his dreams as well as in the real world. The age difference is something that weights on his soul though as he realises how experienced you are and how clumsy he seems to be in comparison. There's a lack of knowledge with certain machines or customs that he hasn't been exposed to due to his time in the orphanage but he is always too ashamed to tell you about it. Adamant to not let himself look like a young fool in front of you, Atsushi simply refuses to ask for help or advice from you. He wants to prove to you as well as himself that he can provide for you.
🐅​As shameful as it is, there is an undeniable twinge of jealousy directed against your own child. He envies the little boy for being able to cling to you as often as he does as those are all things Atsushi desperately wishes to do as well. He wants to be held, comforted and loved by you too but he could never admit such things as he stares at your son. What would you think of him after all if he were to confess to you that he feels jealous of your own child? It doesn't stop him from clenching his hands into fists every time he witnesses you giving affection to your son, nails turning into claws as he imagines what it would be like if he were to be the one in your child's position. You and your husband have parted ways a few years ago but you still keep in contact due to the child and that just about kills Atsushi. It takes always more willpower than it should to not outright growl at the man whenever he visits. Atsushi can't even fathom how a man could let someone like you go and occasionally he imagines what it would be like to just tear that man apart whenever his jealousy gets the better of him. Chances aren't exactly zero for Atsushi to confront your ex-lover and accidentally kill him during an argument.
🐅​The beast within him tries to tame itself as good as it can for you even if results are mixed. With time he grows closer to your child though he struggles to be a parent for the little boy as he more than once acts just as childish and needy. Still, he does his best to show you that he can protect and provide for you and your child all whilst seeking emotional comfort from you. It has taken him a good chunk of courage to finally confess to you only to be met with a direct blow to his heart. The shock of your rejection numbs him for a few seconds before the weight comes crushing down. He hyperventilates, he cries, he bites his bottom lip bloody and his nails threaten to rip through the skin of his palms. That is only because he does misunderstand your rejection as you telling him that you have no interest in him. Once he has come to understand that you didn't reject him for that reason hopefully he manages to calm down at least a bit. That means that he still has a chance, doesn't he? Still, he feels like it's his fault for not having made it clearer to you just how deeply infatuated he is with you. That has to change now. Hopefully some of his seniors can give him useful tips how to woo you.
Akutagawa Ryunosuke
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⬛​It is through Gin that Akutagawa finds out about you as his beneath the mask quite shy sister has befriended you and finds herself visiting your small shop once a week. Whilst he is anything but an overbearing brother this piece of information still manages to stick to him. It's the first time he has heard that Gin has made friends with someone outside the Mafia and initially he starts directing hostility against you. Akutagawa isn't an individual to trust easily as he distrusts with far more confidence and this is what he finds himself doing against you. Who are you? Are you really just a regular citizen? His sister assures him that you are not some spy nor does she plan to give you any information about the Port Mafia or her real identity but for Akutagawa actions speak louder than words. He finds himself stalking you occasionally, dark eyes trailing after you. A scoff appears on his face the moment he notices the boy following you, realising that you have a child. How naive you must be, keeping a child whilst involving yourself with a mafioso. If you really are just a normal person you must have no motherly senses at all or else you wouldn't hang out casually with Gin.
⬛​Akutagawa never had a mother who raised him as he has grown up in a violent environment from a very young ago. None of his mentor figures have ever given him even an ounce of affection which has led him to believe that love is a weakness. A weakness he has fallen victim to. A part of him itches to use Rashomon to tear you and that little brat apart yet he holds himself back. Partially because his emotions are messy and partially for his sister's sake as she cherishes you. It's Gin he turns to as his curiosity grows and it is through her he finds out most information about you. The most pressing issue for him is who the father of your son is and even if Gin tells him that you have parted with the guy long before your child was born that doesn't stop Akutagawa's urges to rip that man apart for his mere existence. Stalking you becomes quite difficult, his possessive side flaring up the moment you talk to another man and give him a smile. It's the horrified gaze of his sister that holds him back but that is no guarantee that it'll work every single time. Only to his sister is he able to admit his conflicting feelings to you and both of them know that it is only a question of time when you will find out.
⬛​Still, even if it comes that far Gin wishes for her brother to not terrorise and hurt you even with his obsession. She cares for Akutagawa but you're still her friend and she likes your child as well. She wants him to attempt to confess to you the normal way at least once and if you reject him she kind of knows that there's little she can do. Unable to live with herself if she wouldn't try though Gin introduces her brother to you who finds himself incredibly awkward as he is completely out of his comfort zone, easily irritated and with little patience, especially when your son is around. Big chance that Gin is lurking around in the distance when Akutagawa tries confessing, already looking like he is glaring at you. He honestly only knows what to do in case you reject him because you don't like him which is instantly doing what he can do best. Inflicting fear upon you whilst using Rashomon. He isn't prepared for you rejecting him because you think he shouldn't bother with you and is left so perplexed with that answer that he just stares at you for a good while. Ultimately this only delays the abduction though because it'll still happen. He's promised Gin to not harm your son though.
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damn-stark · 28 days ago
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Chapter 31 In that big ol’ room
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Chapter 31 of Moonlight
A/N- we’re close to the end :(
Warning- talks of postpartum depression, ANGST, swearing, violence, fire, blood, and DEATH. SPOILERS!! FOR FUTURE EVENTS OF HOTD, USING FIRE AND BLOOD, long chapter.
Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader
Episode/Pages- 535-539
(If you want to be tagged let me know)
————
The memory of her death, even though it was recent and still a raw one in your mind, can’t stop playing in your head over and over again.
Like a veil it obscures your vision, not letting you take a good look at the newborn babies you just gave birth to, and here's the thing, as bad as it sounds you don’t care to look at them. Even if you cradle them both in your arms you can’t find that joy or relief to look at their red little faces and wait for their eyes to open to tell you who their father might be.
You keep the veil over your face like a badge of honor to remind yourself why you wear it. You don’t want to forget even if it's impossible to do so. Does it make you a terrible mother?
All you wanted to be as a mother was to be the mother yours was to you. You want to nuzzle with all three of your babies now that you’re together. You want to love them and let go of your pain, but…then Daenys begins to cry a shrieking cry and it takes you back to that moment where your mother shrieked before she burnt, and you’re bombarded with frustration.
“Take them,” you demand and turn to the edge of the bed to let a handmaiden take them from your arms so they can shush the shrieking babe.
However, she only cries louder and your frustration starts to torture you by bringing rage along.
You try to shake it off, but as you close your eyes the memory of your mother burning plays vividly so you quickly snap your eyes open and simply sit there ruminating in your anger and frustration, hoping it’ll fade into something you can manage, but alas, that veil only gets thicker to the point you can’t see what’s in front of you. All that exists is your anger and…a desire—no, an obligation to kill Aegon for what he did. It doesn’t matter if they end up killing you in the process.
You don’t care as long as he’s dead too.
He has to die…
Thus in a blinded rage, you swipe the scissors that the handmaidens used to cut the twin’s umbilical cord and then drag yourself off the bed, catching the immediate attention of all the handmaidens.
“Princess what are you doing?! You should not be moving!” Vanessa warns you and rushes to your side to attempt and move you back to bed, but you put your hand up to stop her.
“Leave me,” you snap without meeting her gaze. “I am going to try and call to my dragon,” you lie and push yourself off the bed, causing your bloody and soaked gown to fall over your body, and feeling sharp pains shooting throughout your body, threatening to keep you down, but you just clutch onto your belly and swallow back your pained groan before you start to drag your feet without bothering to put anything on your feet.
You just start walking, making the poor handmaidens' hearts hurt with pity and concern.
“Don’t dare and follow me,” you warn them as you keep the scissors hidden in your sleeve so they won’t stop you.
“But—”
“No,” you cut them off and leave out the door where guards are there to greet you. “If you follow me I won’t need my dragon to kill you. I’ll do it myself,” you warn them bitterly.
However, unlike the handmaidens, they move to trail after you, making you bring yourself to a stop and peer over your shoulder with a glare. “I said. Stay,” you grimace. “Guard the twins. They are more important. What threat can I be anyway?” You try to deceive them, and after a moment of debate, they step back to their previous position, letting you continue to trudge forward.
However, every step you take is a cruel reminder of what you just went through. And with every step you want to stop and take a break, but you keep moving your bare feet and exhausted body forward because what is your pain compared to the pain your mother went through every single second before she was ripped apart?
Nothing…that’s what. Nothing compares to the suffering she went through. It's why you keep moving forward. It’s why you clench your jaw as you grow angrier, and it’s why you clutch onto the scissors you keep hidden. Even though you have no idea where Aegon is, you keep moving—then again is it really hard to find him as he’s bound to that wooden chair?
Not likely. He can only be in so many places. Is it the throne room? The master quarters? Or the meeting room?
You’ll go search in all of them if you have to. Even if you’re writhing in agony you will find him. After all, what does he know of Dragonstone? He’s never called it home like you have. This is your home! Yours! Your mothers, your brothers, your cousins, and your children’s home! Not his! So you will find Aegon.
Aegon.
Aegon.
Aegon.
Aegon…
After a while of stalking through those corridors like a vengeful ghost terrorizing the castle, you finally catch the sound of his voice coming from the meeting room. He’s not alone either, you can hear Ser Alfred and Lord Larys with him too, but it’s okay you can wait and if they don't leave his side then you’ll still ram your scissors through Aegon’s throat.
You wait first though. Just for a while.
“…killing Lord Corlys Velaryon would not be a wise action. Even if Ser Alfred has a point about having Rhaenyra's allies suffer consequences, he still has the greatest fleet and a bastard boy who will never ally with us.”
Aegon hums before he interjects. “Then…we make him bend the knee and ask for forgiveness. He did turn against Rhaenyra when she imprisoned him, besides…his counsel would be welcome.”
The corner of your lips curl to a scowl and your grip around the scissors only tightens more.
“If he doesn’t comply we have his granddaughters in our grasp. We will just threaten one of their lives until he bends the knee,” he shares without an ounce of hesitation. His words just roll off of his tongue.
“That will surely work, but I’m certain we won’t have to take those measures,” Lord Larys says before Ser Alfred cuts in.
“That is if he doesn’t call to his other granddaughter, Lady Rhaena, and her wild dragon. With Astraea still alive, they could use Lord Stark’s new host and Lady Arryn’s host to turn against us. And we don’t have the numbers to compete.”
Aegon scoffs with displeasure and Ser Alfred continues with a bit of hesitation.
“That is why I suggest we kill Rhaenyra’s son Aegon…”
Your pinched eyebrows falter as the rage contorting your face turns to disbelief for a second.
“…That way they don’t have an heir to use against us. With Prince Aemond’s son you don’t need Aegon as heir, nor will your niece be a threat with her now betrothed to Lord Stark. Killing Aegon will discourage the forces, it will show them that we still have power and that we are not to be trifled with.”
No. No. No…
Aegon can’t die too. Your mother would have fought to the death to keep him alive; her last living son.
Plus, he is your brother. Even if you weren’t raised together and he’s more like a stranger to you, he’s still the last living brother you have so he can’t die. You can’t let him die, and…you…won’t. Even if it means swallowing your anger and your pride you will keep him alive.
Thus after a deep shuddering breath, you drop the scissors meant to kill Aegon, making a loud clattering sound the moment the metal hits the floor. After that, you draw out another trembling breath before you slowly step out of hiding and come across guards on their way to investigate the noise.
“I have come to see the King,” you mutter in defeat and ignore the way they look at you with disgust as you’re still wearing your birthing gown and have not cleaned any of your sweat, tears, or blood.
“This…way,” one guard points to the hall as he steps aside, letting you push your chin up and continue to trudge forward.
Once you’re in the sights of all three men you bring yourself to a halt and force yourself to drag your eyes toward Aegon, even if it brings you more pain than when you were walking where you are.
“Princess,” Ser Alfred gasps.
“Bring—”
“No,” you cut Lord Larys off and hold your belly. “I come to say one thing.”
You draw in a deep breath as you hesitate to form your next words.
You will say what you came here to say, there’s no doubt about it. But even if it hurts to admit it, having to sacrifice your own dreams to save your brother wounds you deeply because it’s Aegon; the man who killed your mother, the man who you always hated, and the man who has always been so perverted and gross. Furthermore, after having immunity by being betrothed to Cregan, Aegon is taking that away too.
“I,” you breathe out and break your silence, but don’t continue right away. First, you fall to your knees with a pained groan and then, continue with your head hanging. “…Will marry you.”
You miss the looks that are shared and fail to look strong and nonchalant. Your voice and your face both expose your weakness as those words pierce your soul.
“Just please,” you beg in a quivering voice. “Don't kill my brother. He-he can go to the wall the moment he turns of age. Just please, please don’t kill him,” you plead in the same desperation you used to plead for your mother's life.
“He’s all I have left of my family,” you whisper. “Please, Aegon. He doesn’t even have to be raised in the Red Keep, you can send him to be someone’s ward. Just please…don’t kill him.”
You can hear shifting and wood creaking before Aegon’s voice makes the hairs on the back of your neck rise, and a twinge of anger sparks back where it had been burning before.
“Look at me,” he says smugly because he has control over you like never before. And even if you don’t want to meet his gaze. Even if the thought disgusts and angers you, you slowly pull your head up and meet his gaze with a hardened look.
“I accept your proposal. It’s a relief you came to your senses, my sweet niece. Just tell me you renounce your betrothed Lord Stark and you are mine.”
You swallow back thickly and feel your lips twitch down before you open your mouth and respond with dread. “I do. I renounce my betrothed Lord Cregan Stark.”
——
*SOMETIME LATER*
“Were my letters sent?”
“Yes,” Vanessa gives your question a response before leaving you in your solitude once again.
“<I love you.>”.
Tears slipped past her eyes…small beads of salt and sorrow littered water rolled down her face the same way they involuntarily run down your cheeks right now. You remember.
Having memories is a blessing. The way one's mind can recall things that happened in the past is truly fascinating, but right now, like every other second since your mother died, your mind and your memories are cruel. They bring such a visceral physical aching pain that can’t be tamed, it's so deafening and it makes you grow overwhelmed fast. It doesn't even let you find solace in the sun's touch because you refuse to welcome its cold embrace.
Usually admiring the sea is a quick calming effect too, but even though you’re surrounded by it as you remain in Dragonstone, you refuse to look at it; almost as if it is guilty of causing your pain.
Lastly, being with Aerion is a great way to bring a smile to your face and relax your current aching heart, but you can’t be your children’s mother right now. You tried, you really have tried, but that connection feels like it’s blocked by the entity that is your rage, grief, and sorrow. It feels like you can’t love them until you take care of that which brought you pain and took everything away from you. Is it cruel?
Maybe, but you did make it your task to at least study your twins to know how they look, and you can say that Daenys has the same blond-silver hair and blue eyes Aemond had. It’s too soon to tell but you have a feeling she’s going to look like him too. As for Daenerys, she’s smaller just like she was in the womb; she’s a lot slimmer than her sister too, and her eyes are…grey, but Vanessa says that she’s far too young to really know if that’s the eye color she’ll have forever. They might change colors as she grows older, so the jury is still out on who her father might be, more so because her hair color is white-silver just like yours, which, that in itself is good. It’s something you don’t have to worry about anymore.
So now all that you’re pestered with is that you can’t be the mother that your children so desperately need. With Aerion grown so attached to your mother, he’s missing her terribly. He won’t stop calling out for her, and it hurts because you’re here but you can’t make yourself comfort him, and it’s not because you don’t want to, you do, but…there’s just so much pain that you can't scrape up an ounce of any other emotion besides anger. Loud, throbbing, and agonizing anger that makes you scream out to the ground as you fold over the edge of the bed.
Does that ease everything that torments you? No, but it lets you stand up and walk out of your chambers—at least Aegon lets you have free reign of the castle since you are his betrothed and because he knows you won’t risk your brother's life since he holds it in the palm of his hand.
Alas, when you step out and try to walk to the library or anywhere you can spend your time where Aegon won’t be, you’re reminded of your mother. The memory of her haunts every hall and every corridor, so you can either return to your quarters or go…visit Baela. You haven’t gone to see her or attempted to free her from her imprisonment because once again it’s your emotions that keep you away, they’ve kept you captive and isolated in your lonesome to let you simmer in your rage-born hatred.
However, you have nothing to do now and Baela has no clue what happened—and how can you let her continue with her days thinking of a life that no longer exists? And if you can’t muster an ounce of warmth then she at least deserves to know the truth. Thus after some hesitation, you make your way to the cells at the lowest part of the castle, but linger in the shadows for a moment and debate returning to the isolation of your chambers as you imagine how the interaction could play out.
She could hate you and she could also blame you for your mother's death, but if she doesn’t know she wouldn’t have the ability to do any of those things.
Yet she needs to know, so after a deep breath you slowly walk out of the shadows and make your way to the only occupied cell. Right away Baela spots the shadow that casts on the cell floor and lets her curiosity get answered by looking over and seeing you standing at the other side of those bars.
“Baela,” you greet her with a whisper and she takes a few more hard blinks before she shoves herself to her feet and rushes to the bars, letting you notice that she looks slimmer than the last time you saw her, and she has burn scars on one part of her face. She also has short hair now too so she sports a cute afro.
“The twins,” she says after she uttered your name with a surprised gasp. “They’re born?”
You offer her the ghost of a smile and nod. “Yes, girls, Daenys and Daenerys.”
Baela sighs with relief and offers you a sweet and happy smile that you can’t mirror. She’s quick to notice it; along with your drooped eyes and falling lips. Yet before she can interject you beat her to speaking.
“Aegon told me about what happened. I’m sorry about Moondancer,” you offer her your condolences and linger where you are for a second before you step forward and gently wrap your hands around hers.
“She went out fighting,” her voice quivers, and her eyes water. “And she might have not killed Sunfyre but…”
“He can't fly because of Moondancer, he’s rotting away in the courtyard,” you cut her off to offer her some hope before the dread is revealed.
“Sunfyre is dying?” Baela queries with a twitch of her lips.
“He is.” You nod. “No doubt about it. He should die any day now.”
Baela musters a faint smirk before lifting her chin and slowly looking at you in confusion. “What are you doing here without chains? Is Astraea okay?”
You nod lightly. “She suffered some injuries at the Second Battle at Tumbleton, but she will be fine. She’s just off the Island for now.”
Baela scoffs and passes you an amused look. “Why? Are you two upset with each other?”
You swallow back thickly and let the silence build up as you admire the way she manages to smile in such gloomy times and in such a dark space.
“No,” you mumble after a moment of admiration and drop your head to let out a heavy sigh whilst your grip unknowingly tightens around her hands. “Baela listen to me…I’m here because I was hurt in the battle at Tumbleton. Astraea brought me here and Aegon and his party were able to hold me captive,” you pause and she tries to slip her grasp from under your hold, but you refuse to let go.
“Okay,” Baela whispers.
“In my captivity, I attempted to escape to find my mother, and I did find her, but,” you swallow back the lump that was quick to form in your throat. “She was already here. I couldn’t even sail past the island,” you mutter and find it hard to look up at Baela even though you’re curious about her current reaction.
“I tried to save her. I swam and ran to her to try and save her, but…I-I was too late,” your voice quivers and you feel Baela stiffen under your grasp—“they overwhelmed us and Ser Jason betrayed us, so they were able to take us. That’s…when…Aegon,” you gasp shakily. “He…killed her,” you let out with a growl as your anger overturns the sorrow that was clinging in your throat.
“No,” Baela whispers. “No. No…” she trails off and manages to yank her hands from under your grasp.
You continue to look at the ground beneath your feet, but you hear her back away in the growing silence.
And it’s in the silence that violent memories of that night come forth and you stop feeling sorry for yourself. You push back your grief and sorrow, and let your agony, your loud and throbbing rage come forth to take control of every part of you.
“But it’s okay,” you interject in a voice that finally holds emotion, but not warmth to comfort her, a coldness that only accompanies the bad. “It’s okay, Baela,” you continue and look at her with a gaze bathing in raging flames of malice, giving Baela chills when she finds your eyes.
“<Because I will avenge her. I will avenge our Queen,” you say in Valyrian so the guards nearby won’t understand. “I’m set to marry Aegon, and it’s when I become his Queen and garner some of his trust that I will kill him. We will.>”
Baela watches you with concern as your eyes grow dark and a wicked smirk paints on your lips. Yet she also feels relieved that your mother will be avenged. It’s that fire that will keep the war alive and bring justice.
However, you then continue adding on to your plans.
“<But not before I burn down the part of King’s Landing that killed Joffrey and forced my mother to flee,>” you reveal without remorse or a hint of deceit, only coldness and madness, and that’s when Baela’s concern outgrows her own thirst for revenge because hasn’t she lost enough?
“<But you can’t,>” she protests your plans in Valyrian and makes your face contort with confusion.
“<But I can,” you counter. “I have the means to. I have my dragon. And they deserve it. How can they go unpunished when they rose up against the crown? Besides,” you scoff. “Say what you want about Aegon, but he is still a Targaryen and those were our dragons, he’ll let me take revenge and put those people in their place.>”
Baela makes her way back to the bars and you see her eyes are still gleaming, but now as she speaks you know she doesn’t cry for your mother, she’s tearing up out of a gnawing worry. “<But what will raining fire down on those people cost but your life? Your own humanity?>”
“<Humanity?>” You quip and feel your face twist back with anger. “<Did they have humanity when they killed my son's dragon? Or every other dragon that lived in that pit, at that? Did they have humanity when they rose up against a woman trying to help them?!>” You raise your voice and grip onto those bars with a deadly grip.
“Perhaps not,” Baela counters in the common tongue. “<But that’s when you become the bigger person and show them we can still be a fraction they can trust and believe in. We can have them help us in our fight against the traitors that still remain!>”
You look at her as if she offended you and shake your head. “But don’t you get it? It was because they turned against my mother that she had to flee. It was because of them that she’s dead! There's no point in saving such traitorous and disgusting people. Don’t you see?”
“And don’t you see that raining fire will result in more smallfolk asking for your head?!” She exclaims. “Don't you see that it will turn you into someone unrecognizable that you won’t even comprehend? You will lose yourself!”
You clench your jaw and lower your jaw as your glare turns fierce.
“Let it go,” Baela warns. “Let all that anger and thirst for revenge go because it will kill you and I have already lost enough. We both have. Just do it the right away. It may be a longer path but it won’t get you killed.”
You blink as you take in her words. Not because you’re considering them, but because you don’t know what to answer with. Not at that moment.
“No,” is all you muster, and fall quiet again, letting her draw out a deep breath and linger in the growing silence for a moment before you finally blurt words that just bombard your mind. “What if it had been Jace?”
“Don’t,” Baela warns but you continue and lean your face towards the bar.
“I will,” you rebuttal and keep going. “If it had been Jace who had died in that riot you would not think twice about doing what I want to do even if it cost your life!”
“I said don’t!” Baela exclaims and slams her hands on the bars hoping it will scare you off, but you just stare deep into her eyes and try to press her.
Yet there’s no buttons to push. Anger perhaps reigned over her once, but you don’t see it now through the windows that let you take a peek at her tired soul.
“Do what you want,” she says and follows up with your name as she continues. “Just don’t expect me to have your back because your mother is the last person I will grieve in this war,” she remarks and backs away toward the shadows of her cell. “I won’t hold a candle for you anymore,” she adds with an attempt at sounding angry but she sounds more sad than anything else.
“Okay,” you mutter and blink repeatedly, feeling your eyes sting with tears that build up in your eyes, but you don’t let them fall. You draw in a deep breath and nod stiffly in comprehension before you turn and storm away with your agitation almost rising off your head in the form of steam.
How could she of all people expect you to let your anger go? Why can’t she muster the energy to keep pushing a little longer? Isn’t her grief, rage, and agony loud and chaotic too?
Nevertheless, when you reach the door and try to leave the dungeon, the door opens and guards barge in.
There’s no one else in this dungeon for them to take so even if you're pissed off at Baela, you stop in your tracks and turn on your heels to watch them open her cell.
“What are you doing?” You probe with curiosity and worry that form quickly.
When neither of the men answers, you march over to the man yanking Baela out of her cell, and demand an answer. “Where are you taking Lady Baela? Answer me!”
The guard looks at you from the corner of his eyes and deadpans. “The King wants to see her in the courtyard.”
What? What for?
These men won’t answer you, they hardly wanted to answer your previous question, so you turn swiftly and storm past them to reach the courtyard first. That’s when you come to a stop though and get riddled with disgust when the stench of rotting flesh hits your nose before you’re shocked to see that Sunfyre is no longer struggling to stay alive. He’s dead, and Aegon…when you let yourself take him in you notice that his eyes are red and puffy, but they're also mixed with anger.
“What do you want from Baela?” You demand him and struggle to hold his gaze.
“So you do come out of your chambers?” Aegon remarks and doesn’t hold amusement or any kind of teasing glint, his gaze remains narrowed and locked on you. “You’ll see.”
You huff and stomp toward him to keep pressing him, but his sad attempt at a Kingsguard puts themselves in between him and you, leaving only glares to be passed and challenged until Baela is brought forth.
“Sunfyre is dead,” Aegon blurts but there’s a hint of…sadness in his voice and why wouldn’t there be? No matter what you feel about Aegon, he was still a dragonrider and his bond with his dragon was like yours with Astraea, so it’s easy to tell why he expresses such sadness.
“And it’s because of you and your damned dragon,” Aegon hisses and has the guards move aside to let him pass and drag his wooden chair toward Baela. “So it’s good your dragon paid the price, but now you must pay it too.”
“No,” you interrupt him and take a big step forward to try and get close, but a guard once again steps in between and blocks you away from Aegon with his arm.
“I renounced my betrothed to be yours. I am going to be your willing wife once we return to King’s Landing,” you remind him with distress building in your voice. “Which means that our sins have been pardoned, you cannot kill her. Spare her life.”
Aegon tilts his head and shakes it. “No. I already spared your brother's life. He’s a threat to my claim, but I spared him because you and I will marry. That was the only condition you could be granted. No more. She will die for what she did,” he spats in return and then snaps his gaze to the guards holding Baela so they can drag her to the block.
“Aegon!” You exclaim and look at him with desperation. The same desperation you used when your mother was in a similar position. “Please!”
“<I love you.>”.
You gasp and try to move toward Baela now that you have free range, but the guard that had kept you from Aegon wraps his arms around your waist to hold you back, making those words that just echoed in your head get louder, and making the image of her, your mother start forming in your mind and threaten to paralyze you.
“<I love you.>”.
No. No, no, go away. Go away…
“Aegon, please,” you whisper and look over at him with tears that are quick to form in your eyes. “She’s still your cousin. She…she…” you trail off as the image of your mother appears before you in the same way before she died, so you’re forcefully ripped away from the current moment and return to that night.
You see her as clear as day all over again. You see her in front of Sunfyre.
You want to save her, but you can’t. Once again you’re useless in the situation and you watch as the fire bathes her all over again, ripping her away from you.
“NOO!” You bellow and reach out for her, but the moment you blink you’re brought back to reality and Baela is now taking your mother's place.
“The princess is right about sparing Lady Baela’s life,” the new maester interjects and glances at you with concern. “She is still a Velaryon, daughter to Lady Laena, and granddaughter to Lord Corlys. If you kill her he might turn his fleet against you and trap you here. There has been no word about him declaring war so it’s safe to assume you can negotiate a deal but only if his remaining kin are left alive.”
You keep your eyes on Aegon to wait and watch him ponder the decision laid before him while Baela’s head remains on the chopping block.
“Aegon,” you mumble but don’t gain his attention. He keeps his eyes averted and remains silent until he comes up with his answer.
“Alright then. Send a letter to the Sea Snake’s bastard…the living one,” he snickers and steals a glance at you so you know he’s taunting you. “Tell him if he doesn’t present himself in a fortnight to pay homage to his rightful liege, his niece Lady Baela will die.”
The maester bows and scurries off, whilst the guards pull Baela to her feet and without needing to be told, they start dragging her back where they had brought her from, letting you draw out a deep relieved breath, and part away from the guard still holding you back to get close to Baela.
Albeit it’s when you’re near her that she drags her eyes toward you and mutters. “I did not need your help nor did this change my mind about you.”
You blink in disbelief and draw in a shaky breath of shock before you push your nose up in the air and nod stiffly because this hasn’t changed your mind about what you need to do. “If that’s what you want I won’t beg for your attention.”
You let out a deep breath and watch her get taken away with your jaw clenched, and your eyes cloudy with tears unaware of the fact that that would be the last time you would see her. Not forever, but while you waited for a response you were restricted from going down to the dungeons—so much for free range. So you were left waiting in your quarters for days and days for any response whether it was a direct attack or a letter.
Then again, you did not mind being still and waiting because it let you plan what you wanted to do to get rid of Aegon once and for all. Besides, you weren't desperate to look for some way to talk to Baela either. Perhaps you should’ve snuck your way down to the dungeons and made peace with her—it’s what your mother and Jacaerys would have told you to do, but you heard what she said, and you were being honest in what you said too, so you kept your word while you were waiting in your solitude and just planned and let yourself get lost in your thoughts again and again.
That is until finally word came from Kings Landing that your grandfather Lord Corlys had declared his loyalty to Aegon, and that he was pardoned and accepted back in the Small Council after declaring his allegiance to the Broken King. In turn, Baela was spared from her fate and finally brought out from the dark dungeon, but not spared from chains. She would be kept in chains until you reached Kings Landing, which won’t be long now because at long last, “we’re going home”, left Aegon’s lips.
Thus finally after weeks, you were allowed to leave the grey walls and haunting halls of Dragonstone. Yet what was leaving Dragonstone really worth when every waking hour, with every step you take, and every breath you breathe you’re reminded of her, your mother, and her death.
The memory of her death is like a never-ending loop that the sight of the sea can’t wash away while you’re on your way back to King's Landing. Which is such a shame because you really love the sea...
“You know,” you say to Aegon after you debated long and hard if you wanted to speak to him or not—“it was the Smallfolk who killed all the dragons. They’re the ones to blame for not letting you have access to a new dragon.”
Aegon watches the waves splitting against the ship while you watch the clouds with a hint of a smirk.
“I know,” Aegon mutters.
“We have to respond to their treason and rebellion with fire,” you share as you catch a large, winged shadow form in the clouds. “We have to remind them that there are consequences to their actions and that we are still the crown and that they are sheep. Even if they did defy the opposing side.”
Aegon doesn’t respond right away, he stays quiet and continues to watch the way the waves part.
“What would you have me do?” Aegon almost snaps at you, but he manages to keep his composure and just sounds annoyed.
“Let me rain fire on them,” you share the plan you’ve been brewing for a while. “Not the entire city, just a section of it so they remember we hold the power. That they have to look up at us. We are not their equal.”
Aegon slowly diverts his eyes away from the waves and starts to turn his head to look at you, but before he can take a glance the sound of clicking coming from above steals his attention before a roar that rattles the wooden boards and shakes the water's surface blasts from the clouds.
“Why should I trust you not turning against me when you’re on your dragon?” He asks the right question as claws and a purple-scaled belly break the clouds as Astraea reveals only a part of herself first before she dives down in front of the running ship and quickly yet shakily swoops up to the air with a large fish caught in her claws.
“Because,” you say with a faint smile as you watch your dragon go back to hiding in the clouds. “You have my brother's life in your hands and I will do anything to keep my last remaining brother alive.”
You finally drop your eyes to look down at Aegon and await his response, knowing that he knows that if he doesn’t act, people will view him as weak and he doesn’t want people to keep thinking that about him. Not anymore because after all that’s happened he’s still alive and the King.
“Fine. Do it,” Aegon gives in, causing a wicked smirk to break on your lips.
——
“Who is it that you wanted to be?”
A peaceful tranquility can almost be felt radiating from Shae’s Manse as the brisk wind running over King’s Landing almost seems to carry it in between its gusts that hit you while you sit upon your dragon; causing your long sleeves designed like dragon wings, and the end of your crimson dipped skirt to blow behind you while your shining silver chain head peace that falls over your face like a veil, sings as the wind makes the silver chains hit each other lightly.
“Besides wanting to be a sailor, or an explorer, or a singer, I wanted to be Queen; a kind one like my great, great grandmother Queen Alyssane, and my ancestor Queen Rhaenys.”
You’ve had time to think about what you wanted to do and yes there were moments in time when you hesitated and wanted to back off from your plan for the sake of the innocent lives that had to do with running your mother out of town. However, just as your plans fire is going to die out, the sparks of anger, revenge, and agony keep it alive because that same mother returns to haunt your thoughts, and then you can’t stand the thought of the people’s betrayal going unpunished.
Besides, they had their chance and they wasted it. They chose fear, so you will give them something to fear.
“<Forward.>” You command Astraea in Valyrian and nudge the handles down regardless of your verbal command. All without changing a single expression on your face. Even if you're full of rage, your exhaustion, grief, and agony keep their claim on your face, exposing someone who looks empty and tired of everything life has thrown at them, even something as small as expressing emotion.
Then again you are tired. You’re tired of it all. You just want silence and a moment of stillness and where else can you find it but here? In this current moment as Astraea flies past the wall and brings the Smallfolk a moment of darkness as her shadow casts over the streets, homes, and busybodies.
However, the darkness doesn’t scare them right away because when they look up they see The Adventurous Astraea, a dragon known as tolerant to people, protective and kind to those you love, and obedient to her rider. So they look away from the purple beast. Some welcome the dragon as they start to feel immediately safer due to all the criminal activity that has ravished the city. However, they should have known. They should have expected consequences for their crimes.
No bad deed goes unpunished and you are here now for justice. You are your mother and Joffrey’s revenge.
You are their terror.
“Dracarys,” you sneer and lift your chin slightly to look down at the people with a change in your gaze, going from an exhausted and empty look to a pierced glare reflecting the roaring fire as it falls from Astraea’s mouth and rains down on the people.
There’s no hesitation, no pause, or a small taste of justice. The cries and screams don’t reach your heart because now it’s impenetrable. Like a nasty and quick plague, the fire keeps unfolding over the streets of Shae’s Manse, causing that beautiful tranquility that once traveled past the city walls to erupt into an uproar of chaos.
Some people that were lucky to escape the flames that ate away at everything and everyone in its way, found salvation in Flea Bottom. However, the same can’t be said for the people who try to escape toward Rhaeny’s Hill because you and Astraea turn your terror toward it.
If only the Dragonpit had been intact because people could be safe and untouched by the fire in there, but alas, it was the Smallfolk who caused the Dragonpit to fall when they killed those dragons. It was their own stupidity that destroyed their biggest means of salvation because Astraea doesn’t put it up in flames, you make sure to leave it untouched by any flames.
When you fly past what was once the city’s greatest wonder, you continue to spread your terror with more vigor. With more rage and pure visceral hate because if it wasn’t for them your mother would have never fled King’s Landing! She wouldn’t have fallen in Aegon’s clutches! And she would still be alive!
But no, they ran her out of her home. They killed your brother Joffrey and took the person you loved the most. Them! They did it! Every single filthy person below was the cause of your mother's death. They robbed you of your hope, joy, and light and left you in the dark void where all you have is your pain that throbs in the same way your heart beats. And with every single ba-dum, there's a reminder of what you lost and the pain it brings. And with every other beat the pain and the hate that was already so overwhelming spreads.
How much more of it can you handle? You don’t want to hurt, but you can’t forget. The pain is constant and the memory is haunting and loud! You just want it to stop!
“Please, please, please,” you beg in your mind and close your eyes, but Sunfyre ripping your mother apart flashes in your mind. You see her dying over and over again and it all grows louder.
The cries and pleas coming from below grow tenfold, adding the volume in your head. The fire's constant roar heightens too and it all starts to swirl in your head until you let out a blood-curdling scream that finally brings silence.
The fire that you rain doesn’t come to a stop, you continue to spread it as you fly down the Street of Seeds, but everything is quiet. There’s a peace in the chaos that you alone relish in until finally you hit Cobble Square and have Astraea finally stop, letting you tune into the noise once again.
However, rather than turning your dragon around and flying toward the Red Keep, you descend your dragon and land on Cobble Square to watch the beauty of the flames as they rise toward the sky, and the thick smoke pollutes the air. Furthermore in that moment as you stand there taking it all in, a swarm of people who were unscathed, and people who were caught on fire run toward you, but not to seek your attention nor is it because they’re full of wonder by your appearance. The people ran past you in terror. They don’t try to touch you or ask for a simple greeting, they shove past you because they’re terrified.
And that's all you wanted, but not all you see. You also see your mother standing in the middle of the chaos that runs at you; she glows in the chaos and outshines the bright flames, but doesn’t carry any notable emotion. She just watches you and you watch her as if telling her that this is all for her.
After a lingering minute of the world just being about her illusion and you, you decide to turn away and mount your dragon to fly to the Red Keep. This time when you land, people don’t run, nor do they look at you with fear. You find horror in the eyes of the survivors like Alicent, Lord Borros, Lord Larys, and your grandfather Lord Corlys as they stand in the courtyard after having greeted their King.
Your grandfather tries to find the answer in your eyes, but when he finds your gaze past your veil of chains he sees a glossy yet narrowed and burning gaze. That girl he was looking for is gone; he sees that when you stop by him, but that's not all because he’s the only one who looks deeper than the surface. Everyone else sees a mad woman who couldn’t be stopped because it was the King himself who allowed the terror to happen.
“Welcome home, Princess. It’s good to see you again.” Your grandfather breaks his stunned silence, making you slowly find his gaze and neither smile nor frown. Your gaze remains glossy and hardened and keeps holding that fiery behind them that tells him without a need for words that there’s nothing good about being back.
“Did they find the guilty party for the uprising?” You ask bluntly without returning his warmth despite the fire you hold. “I want to see them”
Your grandfather sighs and hesitates before he nods. “Yes, but,” he pauses. “The King wants to wait until after the wedding to pass judgment on the guilty. He is eager…” he trails off and you avert your gaze and nod stiffly before you walk without bothering to greet anyone else even though Lord Borros had restored peace to the city, and Alicent couldn’t keep her eyes off you, almost like she wanted to talk to you but also couldn’t bring herself to do it, so instead she just stands there watching you until you completely disappear inside and aren't seen again. Not like before.
Before you were spotted in the halls of the Red Keep frequently. When you were young it always varied whether you were alone or accompanied, but you truly lived up to the name they had given you, “The Golden Girl.” It was always such a delight for so many to see you. And when you got older, when you returned from the North, people often sought out a mere glimpse of your appearance as you had grown more glorious, and it’s not like you didn’t give them a reason not to seek you out, because oh, you did. You intrigued them more with the warmth that flowed from you and embraced their presence like the sun embraced everyone it saw.
Now no one sought you out, you were not a glorious presence riddled with warmth. You would be like a dark cloud bringing in a storm that everyone wants gone and wants to avoid; if you would get out of your quarters that is, but you didn’t. You stayed inside your quarters as if locked inside, making everyone believe you felt safer and more comfortable within your four walls, but that was far from the truth. You’re miserable. You can hardly sleep or stand being awake. You hardly eat and don’t do anything you used to like. You hardly see your children. You’re just there wallowing in everything that torments you.
When the day of the wedding rolls around (which was only two days after you returned) you did manage to get in a few winks of sleep and when you woke up there he was, your husband, your Aemond. He’s still asleep with his long blond-silver hair in a braid, and his calm breaths making his chest and nostrils rise and fall ever so gently.
He honestly looks like a beautiful piece of artwork that you can admire for hours, but alas, you want to be that much closer to him so you raise your hand right from under you and reach out for his cheek to stroke it.
Yet, when your hand is about to make contact with his flesh you're abruptly reminded that no one is lying beside you, and Aemond is in fact dead. You wake up alone in a cold room looking at an empty space, remembering, like a slap to the face, that today is your wedding to the man you hate.
You could jump out of your balcony and avoid the entire thing, but they’re all now depending on you, aren’t they? Everyone that died? They depend on you to try and get your mother's own blood on her rightful throne. You can feel the pressure of their haunting hands holding you up, pushing you to keep fighting another day and walk down that aisle to play your part in this war still kept alive by sparks and people fanning the flames.
Thus you let the army of women get you ready. You drape on your heavy ivory wedding gown dipped in crimson red, and hide your grieving and hardened face behind a crystal-littered veil before you finally drag your feet out of your quarters.
This time around your wedding isn’t private nor is it done under Valyrian traditions like when Aemond and you married on that hill with no one but your dragons, Helaena, his mother, and Aegon. The sun isn’t out, and the sea isn’t accompanying you either, snow graces Kings Landing as it gently falls from the sky, and hundreds pairs of eyes are forced to be your witness to show the people that at long last the Targaryen family had mended their differences and rejoined their forces as one.
War will surely end now, and peace will finally return to the realm!
That’s all they want, that’s all they care about. They don’t care about Aegon marrying you, they stopped caring about you the moment you turned your dragon against them, so they don’t care if you look miserable. Not even the highborn Lords that stand nearby care that you never lift your head off the ground throughout the ceremony done under the eyes of the Seven. They just care about finally reeling you in and locking you away to bring an end to the war (they started).
The only people who care are Cregan who is too far to do anything to stop the wedding, and you, but they can’t hear you screaming and crying because you suffer quietly and act like the cooperating princess. That’s what you let Aegon see when he drapes his cloak on your back to signify that you’re at last his, cooperation and emptiness, and that’s what you continue to show him when he lifts the veil off your face. However, he ignores that as he's eager to finally know the taste of your lips.
“You truly are radiant today,” he says with a faint smirk, making you offer him a soft scoff as a response before you stand to your given height after having to crouch to his level, causing the veil to slip over on your face as you turn away from him to let the ceremony continue to the second portion; your coronation.
However, as much as you dreamt and as excited as you once were to hear those glorious words directed at you. Now you simply tune them out and don’t even think about smiling or mustering any ounce of pride when the time comes for the crown to be placed upon your veiled-covered head.
Albeit you also don’t look like there’s no soul inside your body. When you turn to face the crowd of people, your eyebrows are slightly furrowed, the corner of your lips droop with your faint scowl, and the crystal fragments on your veil cascade down so perfectly that it looks like there’s tears rolling down your cheeks, leading the audience to see you as some ethereal beauty; like those tapestries and statues of beautiful weeping gods. However, it’s all a trick of the bright white light reflecting through the windows of the Great Sept, because the mist in your eyes reflects the flames of ferocity still very much alive inside.
——
*LATER THAT NIGHT*
It’s a good thing Aegon can’t get his cock up anymore or else the night would be unpleasant and traumatizing. And it was almost traumatizing, but when it came to the bedding ceremony he couldn’t make it work, no matter the hunger in his eyes, so he began to drink and sent you off after he told you to swear that you wouldn’t tell a soul what happened.
But who could you tell? Baela? She doesn’t talk to you even though she’s not living in a cell anymore.
Vanessa? Sure, but the conversation will get a couple of laughs before it’s over and done with.
Rhaena? She’s still in the Eyrie and by the time she responds your amusement would have died down, so no there’s no one you could have actually told, he’s made sure of that…
Nevertheless, it’s a good thing the bedding ceremony didn’t last—or start to begin with because now you can put all your focus on the significant matter at hand.
“Ser Cane!” You greet excitedly as you watch him taking his hood off as he’s climbing up the steps of the Red Keep.
“Your Grace,” he responds with a hint of warmth in his otherwise nonchalant voice. “Look at you,” he muses and when he finally reaches you on top of the staircase he bows before he puts his arms out. “I hope it was a safe delivery.”
You avert your gaze and respond quietly. “It was a rather stressful one but the three of us are alive so it was safe.”
Your sworn protector sighs and drops one arm back to his side while he lets the other one hover over your shoulder for a second before he lets it fall gently. “My deepest condolences about your loss, my Queen.”
You blink repeatedly and feel your eyes sting at the weight of his words because you can hear that he actually means what he says, but you refuse to cry so you just take a deep breath and look up at him with a thankful smile. “Thank you Ser…was your trip here pleasant?”
Ser Cane drops his hand and shrugs. “As good as it gets.”
You scoff softly in response before you point your head inside. “Let’s get inside. It’s cold out here.”
Without any protest or attempt to add anything right there on the staircase where you have prying eyes, Ser Cane follows you inside to a secluded corner barely touched by nearby candlelight.
“How was the wedding?” Ser Cane asks with a hint of amusement.
“Pft,” you blow out and turn around on your heels with a smirk. “I got to wear beautiful gowns, and I now own beautiful crowns so I’ll say it was pleasant.”
Ser Cane scoffs and when you’re facing each other under the faint candlelight you begin to fiddle with your rings and probe. “Is Cregan okay? Safe?”
“He was worried,” Ser Cane admits as he watches your downcasted gaze. “He almost went mad with worry, but when we heard word of your wellbeing he calmed down. I’m sure he would be here in a heartbeat given the chance, but he’s keeping his head up and doing his job. He’s waiting on his army, they should reach him soon.”
Your lips fall as you nod gently in comprehension and take it all in without letting the news ache your heart too much. You feel it get tugged at as you imagine what Cregan might be feeling and thinking after you had finally gotten your chance to start your long-awaited story together, but he can’t take up all your thoughts nor can you let him torment you too harshly because there’s still a sliver of hope. If he gives you one more chance then there will be no more obstacles after this.
“How did he take the news about me being engaged to Aegon?” You have to ask as that specific thought has been killing you since he couldn’t respond back with a letter of his thoughts on the matter.
“I don’t know,” Ser Cane admits with a sigh. “I’m sorry, your Grace. He read the letter in his private quarters and when he came out, well…you know how he is. Cool as ice.”
The corner of your lips twitch up and you nod in agreement before you ask one more thing. “You didn’t tell him why you left, did you?”
Ser Cane scoffs. “Of course not. Who do you take me for?”
You smile and tilt your head to the side. “I am not doubting you Ser, I just know that if he had asked, you wouldn’t have denied him an answer. You’re respectful that way.”
Ser Cane pulls something out of his satchel that’s hidden behind his cloak and then shakes his head. “Not with your personal matters, My Queen,” he says with a small proud smile that stays on his face as he hands you a small flask wrapped with parchment paper.
Before you pull the paper off the flask though, you offer him a flustered smile and then proceed to take the paper off to read the words it holds.
“You are going down the right path.
I will see you soon enough. Until then.
-Alys”
You smile softly and with admiration, before you hand the letter to Ser Cane so he can put it away while you lift your hand to look at the slow-acting poison you asked Alys to concoct for you.
“Great. Now I hope you’re able to stand on your feet for a while longer, Ser because we have work to do,” you let him know with a smug hint in your tone of voice as you hand him the flask so he can keep it hidden for you in his satchel for now.
“Of course, I can,” he assures you, making you flash him a smirk before you depart from your dimly lit corner and return to your quarters, but not to stay there. You take the hidden passage hidden within the walls of your quarters and guide Ser Cane down corridors festered with rats and only lit by the torch that you both hold in your hands.
There are many times when your sworn protector wants to question where you’re leading him, but he trusts you so follows you blindly until finally, you hit a stone wall that holds a doorknob.
“Here,” you point your chin to the doorknob on the wall.
“Are you sure?” Ser Cane asks for your safety.
You hum in agreement and take his torch before you step aside to let him open the door.
Once the light from inside the room casts outside you hang the torches on the wall, and let Ser Cane take the lead to the mysterious room.
“Who goes there?” A voice from inside carries out, but doesn’t get answered as Ser Cane stomps in, nor when you strut behind him and get surrounded by the brighter room. You let the sight of your presence answer the question your grandfather, Baela, and Lord Larys ask themselves.
“Granddaughter,” your grandfather gasps as he watches you quietly stride toward the chair at the end of the table.
“Queen,” Ser Cane corrects him as he closes the secret door. “She’s your Queen.”
“Your Grace,” your grandfather corrects himself whilst Lord Larys immediately greets you with the right title and Baela stays quiet.
Albeit you ignore the greetings so it doesn’t matter. You just take a seat on the chair that steals all of the attention of the room, and sit up straight with your nose in the air and a smirk dancing on your lips.
“Sit my Lords and Lady, we have a coup to plan.”
.
.
.
.
.
A/N- Ser Cane the father that stepped up
Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans @oh-you-mean-me @wallacewillow0773638 @icefrye19 @thescottpack @fiction-fanfic-reader @crazymusicgirl104 @r-3dlips @strangersunghoon @just-pure-trash @ethereal-athalia @missyviolet123 @callsignwidow @xunquish-blog @tabathastan @weepingfashionwritingplaid @answer-the-sirens @silverlightsaber @rosey1981 @amortentiaaaa
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xreaderanonaccount · 1 year ago
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Capitano x Worried!Reader
Synopisis: Gruff, strong, and stone cold Capitano with a worried s/o. Reader is G/N
Tags: Fluff, Dottore being an ass,
Divider credits: cafekitsune
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Capitano with a worried s/o who is always scolding him for always getting hurt, but no matter how much scolding he gets he can rely on you and only you to patch him back up. Cause he doesn’t want the medics to patch him up, they’re scared shitless of him. But you, you patch him up with the utmost care and love that anyone envy’s for. He’ll gladly sit down and listen to you scold him over how he shouldn’t take 3 squads of ruins guards on his own. If it only meant he can have your hands on him. Your soft hands on him. Oh how he’ll melt in them, you have this man wrapped around your finger. 
“You have to be careful next time!” Your worried voice echos the shared chamber in the Zapolyarny palace. Capitano could only chuckle as he leaned back playfully crushing you beneath his weight. You yelled in frustration as you tried your best to push Capitano away but no luck. This man was heavy.
“I promise to be careful next time.” He sighed as you got off of you settling back down on the edge of the bed. Letting you continue stitching the open wound on his shoulder. You huffed as you took the needle through his skin sewing the wound shut. 
“You better be, if not I’ll have to go to the doctor and ask him to revive you myself.” You pouted as you tied the stitch close.
“Don’t go to the doctor.” Capitano’s voice suddenly became stern, you knew better to mention the doctor. Capitano doesn’t trust him at all, not even with a pillow. He’ll somehow turn that pillow into a killing machine…
“I know, I won’t” You softly smiled as you planted a kiss on his now clean and stitched wound. 
Capitano is very protective over you, especially that one time Dottore decided to pull a cruel prank by giving you a fake report on how Capitano was severely injured and he might not make it. You had a full blown breakdown worried about your poor lover. When Capitano came back to the Zapolyarny Palace so many fatui scouts came running to him rushing him to their shared quarters. 
You straight up built a memorial for him, with your closest attendant by your side who is trying to comfort you. As soon as your attendant noticed Capitano he quickly rushed him to you pleading with him to comfort you. Capitano wrapped his big overcoat over you and gave you a tight hug. You were shocked only for a little bit before you threw yourself onto him crying your poor eyes out in Capitano’s arms.Capitano would gently ask you what happened and through your tears you would tell him what happened. He swears he’s going to kill Dottore the next time he sees him. 
The minute Capitano walked into the Zapolyarny Palace he was bombarded by his men. All talking over themselves, he has no idea what is happening but the minute one of them mentioned your name he sternly asked what happened. One of them finally explained that you said that he had died. Capitano could feel a blood vein pop as he hurriedly went to the shared chamber. When he entered he spotted your sniffling form over a picture of you and him when you visited Mondstadt that one time. Your closest attendant was comforting you as you continued your obituary. Capitano softly closed the door trying not to gain attention from you, but alas he was caught as your attendant looked up and spotted him awkwardly standing near the door. The attendant rushed him over to you who was still crying your poor heart out. Capitano stared down on your crying form, he wanted to rip his heart out and offer it to you as an apology. But he knew that you would be angry about that. Capitano heaved an internal sigh as he removed his heavy outer jacket, draping it over your shoulders. You jolted in surprise, you whipped around to see Capitano kneeling down to you. You shouted his name as you threw yourself on him crying your poor heart out in his arms. Thanking the Tsaritsa over and over again for bringing him home safe and sound. Capitano soothes you, rubbing small circles on your back. 
“What happened my love?” He asked, his voice bringing so much comfort to you.
“D-dottore, s-said that you were… were” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before bursting into tears. But you didn’t need to say anything more. He already knew what happened, Dottore pulling one of his cruel experiments on you. When he explicitly told Dottore not to do his little “experiments” on you. He’ll have to do a very very stern talking to Dottore. Not like he’ll listen anyway. 
Capitano is a strong and tough man but he has a very very soft spot for you. Imagine this, the strongest man in teyvat holding a small flower in his hand because you found one growing outside the palace. And since flowers are hard to grow in Snezhnaya you decided to give this precious flower to someone precious to you. 
“What do you have there Lord Capitano?” Childe asked, Capitano held a small daisy in his hand. His expression is hard to tell. 
“A flower.” 
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z3rinn · 1 year ago
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# #. GROCERY STORE !! pt. 2
a part 2 to my grocery store post !! This time it contains scarabia - diasomania ! ahem- going grocery shopping is usually a mundane task, boring and usual. that is until the twst boys want to join you in your outing. you just hoped nothing would go wrong this time… for once…
Sorry this took so long to get out !! I hope you all enjoy !! ♡
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# #. KALIM AL-ASIM
Going grocery shopping with Kailm is definitely an experience. Its basically like bringing a kid to a candy store. He is ogling at everything around him. That's when you realize he's probably never even been to a grocery store-
By the way he's running around and pointing at everything- putting as many things in the cart as possible- (which you would not be able to pay for) you would like to place him in the baby seat of the cart, but alas he can't fit. So you just settle for placing him in the cart instead. Its at times like this you can imagine where Jamil is coming from. But its ok because he's a cutie patootie and i love him w all my heart- Oh! And just know that he finds the ride absolutely delightful.
Kalim tries to take turns with you when riding the cart, pushing you around the store while laughing happily. He walks into aisles youve never even seen before, showing off weird things that are fascinating to the both of you. Like that self washing cup! Or those lava lamps that costs well over 5000 thamarks !! But he could easily pay for them. You never thought grocery shopping could be so fun- and so you can't help but smile back at his amusement, joining along as the two of you ran around target.
9/10 it's a little overwhelming at first, yet going with him just makes you happy beyond words. Plus he pays!
# #. JAMIL VIPER
Jamil is obviously one of the best people to go grocery shopping with. He's a food expert, and he knows exactly what to get and do while there. Plus, he is most likely tagging along with you to get some things for the Scarabian kitchens.
As I said, Jamil's a food expert, and he knows just what to buy and get while out. Like I said in my previous post, Ruggie knows how to haggle with grocery store managers- and I think Jamil does too. He knows what products are the best, yet are also the cheapest, it's not like he's paying with Kalim's money. (Although he did offer to give you his card!) Jamil is also the type to not get distracted while out, so whenever you try to but something you definitely don't need, he'll snap you back in place.
While out with him make sure not to buy any frozen food, as it'll make him think your prefer that over his fresh and healthier food. And he'll give you a judging look due to it. Oh! And he's gonna cling to you the entire time. This is one of the only moments he'll be able to hang out with you without having to worry about any of his duties and Kalim. So don't question it if he holds on to you or if he's pressed up against you the entire time.
10/10, I'd go with him any day of the week. It doesn't even have to be to the grocery store smh.
# #. VIL SCHOENHEIT
Vil is taking you to some fancy ass grocery store. Like whole foods or sprouts, maybe even the mall. Or whatever the twst equivalent is. As if he'll you just go to some random grocery store- And with him- it's not gonna be all fun and games -_-
He immediately takes you to the veggie and fruits section, piling on good enough amounts of spinach, broccoli, tomatoes. He also buys fruit for his homeade smoothies, those will make your skin glow for days afterwards. It's annoying- you just want your chips- but you cant because of the preservatives. You just want some cookies. Yet you cant. Honestly you were this close to just falling to the floor and crying your heart out like a frenchman. "I JUST WANT MY JUNK FOOD" Shopping with him just seems like a chore instead of something fun tbh.
He's right in front of the cart, dropping only the necessities into it. You were this close to running him over the cart if he slapped your hand one more time for trying to reach out to the chips. He gives you a glare, and tries to resist your puppy eyes. With a click of his tounge he eventually does calm down, dropping a bag of Cheshire Chips into the cart. He might allow it if you come over to Pomefiore to do some face masks with him.
5/10. It's like going shopping with a mom or like a weight trainer or smth. You understand why he's doing this of course- But theres no funny business with him. Zero. Sigh. Well he pays at least. I LOVE HIM I SWEAR-
# #. ROOK HUNT
When Rook notices you walking out of the broken down building you were staying in, from the tree right above your house, he obviously offered to accompany you on your endeavor! Even when you told him you were just going to the grocery store a part of him just couldn't help but be overjoyed. Oh how he just loved being out with you!
Rook is notorious for loving the smallest of details- the simplest things in life. So going to a grocery store and seeing all the beautiful people surrounding him- along with the gorgeous displays of food made his heart practically smile. You watch as he holds an apple in his hands, raising it up to the sky with a glorious smile on his face. (You're this close to just walking away-) He's humming in joy as he recites a poem of the luscious, juicy, red apple to you. Very fun !!
Meanwhile- when Rook is not being a hopeless romantic for apples, the huntsman is all fun and games !! He's straight up singing in the store, admiring anything and everything. He watches as you shop for groceries, a smile on his face. Rook lets you sit in the cart whenever you get tired, pushing you across the store while humming to himself lightly. Just don't say you're getting tired while going back. He'll carry you all the way back.
8/10- he's a bit over bearing at times. But its Rook so like what can you say about it? I love Rook yall.
# #. EPEL FELMIER
Epel is tagging along for two very important reasons! Firstly, his family has branched out to stores all across twisted wonderland- and he obviously has to make sure the quality and presentation were absolutely perfect! Secondly, he gets to hang out with you!
Epel makes his way to the fruits aisle first, dragging you along with a bright smile. His excitement is slowly seeping into you, causing you to laugh yourself. The two of you make your way to the fruits section, the both of you gawking and jumping up and down happily. After that little moment its basically a normal shopping spree. He has experience in going out to the grocery store with his family- so he helps out with practically everything!
He tries to show off as much as he can. He'll help out with the water packets, and baskets carrying them if your hands get tired. He will jump up to grab the snacks you need- that might be too high for you reach. Speaking of snacks - Being out with you lets Epel get junk food and snacks that Vil would NEVER allow- so maybe the two of you can sneak them in the middle of the night.
10/10 !! One of the best to go with! He doesn't bother you whatsover and is very helpful. Guys I love Epel so much KDHDVFTSSKS
# #. IDIA SHROUD
Uhhh- your more likely going to a electronics store- and then maybe stopping at the grocery store on the way back. There's NO way Idia would ever go out to a grocery store on his own. Especially if Doordash exists. But if you stop by an electronics store first, and you need a handsome firey head boy to show you around the store. How could he ever refuse??
He felt like a prince, leading you through his castle while showing off all his prized possessions. While in reality he was just walking through Best Buy or something, and was being an unemployed clerk. He probably pays for your electronics- or maybe he says he'll just make them for you! His designs are 100 times better obviously. However on your way out, he doesn't expect you to point out the whole foods or twst version is across the street.
He basically just sticks to you like a shadow while out. The poor dormleader can't help but be scared that people are gonna judge him for being blue all over. That is until you tell him this was your little shojou moment. Walking out in a supermarket together, inspecting what brand of eggs or milk you should get. It's the whole package! Well obviously now he can't complain. But now he might be just a bit too excited to be here.
6/10 Honestly if you needed groceries that badly you could've just asked him to order from online. Doordash is sooo much easier that doing it the plain (and scary) way.
# #. ORTHO SHROUD
Ortho probably tagged along to experience the "real" life. He's seen families on TV before- and he can't help but crave that domestic lifestyle. So when you ask if he wants to tag along- how could he ever refuse?
He's buzzing with excitement! Hovering around the grocery store with stars in his eyes. Usually he orders groceries from the comfort of his brother's dorm- it's a lot easier that way- but going outside is just so fun !! Ortho might even switch to his P.E form, as it'll make it easier for him to walk around the store like you! Although, he does want to try riding in the cart, it's something that everyone wants at least once in their lives- so how could you say no?
He's very helpful too, it's common courtesy since you took him out in the first place. He's able to reach high places and doesn't have trouble carrying the heavy things. Another plus is if your shy (like his brother) he's able to scan the store and find whatever you're looking for- without asking any employees for help! Sweetie pie fr.
10/10. He's one of the best to go with! Plus no complaints here (like his older brother)
# #. MALLEUS DRACONIA
Malleus? Why does he go??? He just wants to hang out with you. And maybe see how human grocery stores are nowadays. But its mainly the first one. Perhaps when the two of you are out on one of your nightly walks- you suddenly remember that, "Oh no! You forgot to get groceries!!" And now you have to take a menacing dragon man out with you.
Like others, Malleus tags along behind you, inspecting the many products and items in the aisles. He asks questions about products he finds interesting, he'll inspect all the different kinds of fruits (dragon fruits especially), and he'll find different products to try out. He'll always ask you for help too, asking if something is good enough to get. Like that tamagotchi in the corner !! He should get a bunch of friends for Roaring Drago...
He's so oblivious and confused it's kind of funny. Just imagine being a little kid and seeing a giant- like a literal GIANT- standing in the ice cream aisle inspecting the icecream sandwiches. Kinda silly ngl. Wait- what this- your phone is buzzing now? Who? Sebek? Wondering where Waka-sama is? Uh oh.
7/10! It's like going out w a kid whose never been to the outside world- but in a fun way. It would be higher if he told Lilia or Sebek he was tagging along tho... hopefully you don't go deaf from sebek yelling !
# #. LILIA VANROUGE
Did you bring him along? No! Of course not! Should you have noticed he was trailing behind you? Yes! But you didn't because he's an old fae that has experience? Right again! Does that excuse you? No. Obviously not. It's a rule by almost everyone in the dorm. Never bring Lilia grocery shopping. But your dumbass still did.
Well as long as he didn't feed you the food it was fine- right? So you'll let him tag along i guess. Lilia is the type to sit in the cart as you drag him around the store, and he only really gets out when he needs something. You guys probably stop by the spices aisle like 10 times- you feel bad for those in diasomania who are eating that mush. He tells you about the stores in Briar Valley and how he would take silver out when he was but a boy.
It's nice to listen to him as he drops another (that's 15) box of noodles into your hands- again, you feel bad for the people who are going to eat this. You guys probably bulk up on food while there- I mean it's totally not like Lilia has a butt load of money from being an old ass general right? And of course hes not gonna spoil you because your the best right? Yeah of course nottt. Just be careful at the end of your trip. As compensation for taking him with you he might offer to make you something.... and it might be a bit rude to say no....
9/10 ! It's nice listening to him talk- but uhm like many before this- you won't make it through his ...amazing... cooking skills.
# #. SILVER
Silver had spent most of his life living with fae and not many humans. Briar Valley doesnt have many grocery stores- instead being filled with various farmer markets and merchant's. Meaning he'd never been to a grocery store!! So obviously you had to invite him.
Silver is straight up just following you. He's wandering silently like a little cat, trailing from behind. He's looking around with a hint of curiosity. The store was very different from Sam’s- bigger and more luminous. It had a certain vibe to it. He liked it though, it was oddly comforting. Silver usually sticks to himself, but you can tell when something is confusing him. Take the dragon fruit for example, when he saw it a slight chuckle escaped his lips. It looked so different compared to the dragons and longs he’d met before. You couldn't help but laugh yourself- It’s fun watching him experience something new.
Silver is a very reliable man, if you ever need any help he won’t hesitate to jump in. He will help with the cart, the heavy groceries, the water jugs that weigh a mountain load. As you all know- Silver gets tired (and omg he's so pretty thats not fair) and wont hestiate to fall alseep on you if he ever gets tired. So easy solution: just put him in the cart and bury him in food. It’s easier to drag him that way. (instead of him sprawling on top of you)
10/10. Love him. I love HIM. HIIIMMMM. I LOVVVEEEEE HIM. RAAAAAAHHHH-
# #. SEBEK ZIGVOLT
There's no way in wonderland Sebek would ever go with you! He has duties to attend to! He has a beautiful, mystical, enchanting prince to protect!! Malleus was of the upmost importance, why would he ever go with a dumb human like you? You didnt matter compared to his leige-- Lilia is making him accompany you.
At first Sebek will grumble to himself, upset he couldn't stay with the majestic Malleus. Yet he soon remembers (you reminded him) that Lilia was the one to tell him to accompany you. So he immediately assumes this is a type of training for him !! Oh and now he's bragging that he got to join you on this trip instead of Silver- oh boy-
Like others, Sebek will help. Uhm. But like- loudly. As he carries the bags he will ask if you notice how strong and capable he is, a smirk on his face. And then he goes on a rant about Malleus. Whenever you need something you can't reach he will help, with a "human" comment on the tip of his tounge. And then he goes on about Malleus. It's kind of funny though not gonna lie- seeking a giant man boasting while getting groceries of all things. Very fun!
3/10. But a nine in my heart. He's so silly. Anyway. GRAAAHHH- I WANNA PULL HIS HAIR OUT (in a loving way !!)
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bucknastysbabe · 2 months ago
Note
Hi! New to your page but OBSESSED with your writing for ✨pookie✨(Criston Cole), you truly produce some magic! Was hoping you might be able to write something post start of war where OC (Alicents Daughter, maybe Aemonds twin) is absolutely miserable. Castle vibes are hell, family just busy and angry and any betrothal in the woodworks for her is now put on the back burner. Thinking Criston has a soft spot for her, and shows the curious maiden how to pleasure herself and keep entertained while they all are busy waging war. (Love me some religious guilt as well so maybe they both refuse to do full on PnV?)
Pretty please 🙏🏼
HELLO POOKIE LOVER!!! I HAVE A SHORT DEPRESSING SWEET AND SMUT FOR ✨YOU✨ I'm so glad you enjoy me works, mwah!!!!! Means sm❤️💋
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Rating: Explicit
Tags: Foul Red Keep Energy, Criston’s inability to not be a slut syndrome, religious guilt, religious fanaticism, background alicole, manipulation and rationalization, age gap of modern Day legal standards thank you, frottage, pillow humping, plus sized reader, dirty talk, innocence kink
Taglist: @aemondfairy @elaratyrell @elfven-blog @fairysluna @gil-galadaddy @lovelykhaleesiii @peachysunrize @starogeorgina @samthegreenapologist @towriteloveontheirarms @urmomsgirlfriend1 @zaldritzosrose
WC: ~2k
He can’t fuck her, Criston reminded himself. He can strip himself raw and come all over that pretty pale skin and soft tummy of the little princess. He felt like a sick fuck afterward, the knight was positive he was doomed.
He would stand on guard— brooding whether he was just that fucked in the head or perhaps it was the ‘Dornish’ lust in his blood. Fucking the mother, defiling the maiden. His back was raw and scabbed from the flagellant. Begging and shedding tears on the kneeler as he bloodied his back to purge the sin in his fetid heart.
Yet seeing her whimper and come all over his fingers was a sight— a reprieve in the dismal Keep. The way she’d cling to Criston, crying and squirming on his lap as he massaged and suckled on her lovely tits might be worth his inevitable burning in the lowest layer of the seven hells. She was a sad little thing, fearful since Aegon was put upon the throne, how could he not comfort her?
He was expecting to leave soon, regrettably, Harrenhal and more fire and blood were on the horizon. Criston didn’t taste the ashes and choking miasma of death when he was kissing the lovely little princess. She tasted sweet and innocent, too soft for such circumstances. She had a fierce dragon, and Aemond would call her to arms.
He wanted to take her and run. Alas, he had a duty to live and die by the family he swore himself to. It was the only thing Criston cared for. A win, even if his life was the cost. Then his pretty girl could get married and live alright, with no threat of her head getting lopped or dying by dragon fire.
Criston had her in his lap now as he brooded, eyes scanning over documents he wasn’t meant to understand. He was a warrior, not nearly sharp enough to fill Otto Hightower’s shoes. He exhaled, rubbing the soft velvet of her dress. She was curled up, straddling him, soft blonde hair nestled under his jaw.
“Sweetling?” He rasped.
She mumbled sleepily, “Mhm Ser?”
Criston smiled a little, a faint curve of the corners of his lips. She was so precious to him. His little shadow when he was in the keep. Criston wasn’t complaining, he felt more alone than ever and for some reason, the Gods only knew, the young woman adored the knight.
He slipped his fingers through her platinum hair, hand sliding over to gently grip her chin. She looked like her mother and Aegon— big doe eyes, pouty lips. The princess had those purple eyes, they always tried to peer into him. It escaped Criston how his blackened insides didn’t run her off.
“Are you tired, princess?” He asked.
She shrugged, eyes searching his. Plump lips twitched before she asked if he was restless.
Criston’s hand caressed her soft cheek, lips curling up once again. He murmured, “You keep me restless, sweetling.��� She made a soft noise, the sound going straight to Criston’s cock. He needed her, now, preferably before the guilt ate at him too much and he’d send the princess away with a guard.
He stood up, lifting her along with him, lips traveling along the pale column of her neck. The darling dressed like a damn septa, her chemise up to her chin. Criston had already untied it early so he could have access for times like now, pressing lush kisses and playful nips as she whimpered.
“You’re such a good girl, always reading, reciting your prayers,” he rambled, laying her down on his bed. The princess whined, arching into his heavier frame.
“I’m not being bad am I?”
Criston was about to open his mouth, hands pushing up her dress, stopping at her plush thighs. His dark eyes studied her lips as she spoke.
The blonde got on her elbows, achingly innocent, that little furrow between her brows tightening. She spoke softly and quietly as if spilling a secret. The princess murmured, “I- I was rereading the passages in the Seven Pointed Star. As long as my maidenhead is intact, I honor the father and maiden by being pure that I’d be safe. Y-you’re just comforting me, teaching me how to be a good wife, while respecting my maidenhead.”
He stared more.
“Right Ser Criston?”
Cole felt his heart ache worse than any wound physically inflicted. The poor thing was rationalizing and he wasn’t going to challenge it. Criston nodded, stroking her soft curls, his other hand up under the velvet of her green dress, stroking her hip, holding back from gripping the abundant flesh.
He spoke gently to the little lamb, lips ghosting her pout, “Yes, that’s it, in uncertain times like this, I wish to make you feel better. We’ll pass this war and you’ll be a sweet little wife. So good and pious, shush now princess.”
If he heard her speak of the faith again he might cry. So Criston flipped her over, undoing her dress. The thick layers, the kirtle— the Marcher could do it with his eyes closed. The Princess kept her chemise on, a farce, Criston would have it shoved up or unbuttoned.
She shivered as he leaned over her frame, pulling her against his clothed cock. Criston groaned, Gods, she was soft and plush. He nuzzled at the nape of her neck, calloused hands rubbing flared hips, whispering, “How you manage to be a light in this dark keep is a miracle.”
Yet here he was, dimming said light.
She squirmed against his hard cock, panting. Criston would play with her for hours if he could, alas, he didn’t like her to cry. He figured it was time to pose a lesson of sorts. The knight racked his brain, eyes landing on one of those stiff, rounded pillows.
“Sweetling, princess, grab that pillow, you see it don’t you?”
She grabbed it, lavender eyes casting over her shoulder as Criston chuckled nastily. So innocent, his dark heart said. He nosed at her silken shoulder, adjusting her into sitting on the pillow, making sure she was leaning forward a little.
“Criston,” she whined, looking at him again, lips trembling. He loved when the princess got all red, pallid skin blotching. He hummed, almost straddling her from behind, flush to her back and ass.
“This is for when your lord husband might be busy, or you need to relax. Probably good for when you’re with child and…not as spry. When I have to go, you can do this, it’s easy, take it at your pace right now.”
Criston grinned when she whimpered, hips jerking forward. He pressed closer, a hand undoing her chemise further, getting a handful of her ample tit. She moaned, always so sensitive, hips beginning to jerk forward and back. The brunette’s other hand steadied itself on her lower belly, kneading at the layer of flesh.
So fucking soft. Gods, gods, why?
His calloused hand massaged at her breast, the princess whimpering and moving quicker, grinding down onto the pillow, her ass rubbing Criston’s aching cock in the process. He panted against the crook of his shoulder and neck, mouth hanging open. Never did he get so undone without fucking pussy.
Except her.
“Does that feel good Princess?” Criston practically cooed, plucking at a stiff nipple, the Princess gasping wetly, her eyes shut tight. She reached back, one of her trembling hands lacing over Criston’s, mewling for him.
He bit at her neck, lapping after, the sweet gesture of their interlaced fingers sending his possessive streak into overdrive. Criston growled under his breath, rutting now, driving the blonde to move in jerks, biting at her full lips to keep from squealing.
“That’s it, sweetling, keep it up, make yourself feel good,” he rasped, licking and nipping up a racing pulse. She shivered from head to toe, head leaning back onto the knight’s shoulder as she huffed and whined, fucking against the pillow, angling herself to grind against her clit.
“Close, m’close Criston, please,” came her needy pleading, eyes hazy with pleasure as Criston marked her neck up, squeezing her hand as a lifeline. His hips stuttered as he coaxed his baby, no- the princess along.
He rested his cheek against hers, using his hips to guide her along at a breakneck pace. Criston groaned lowly, rasping, “Here we go, can’t sit and grind on your pretty petals for hours, you’ll get too sensitive, y-you’ve got to push it, like this, yeah sweetness, fuck, fuck!”
Criston trailed off as his cock twitched in his breeches, full and swollen and ready to pop. He had half a mind to just take her right there and then. Yet her cries of ecstasy and mewling paralyzed Criston’s dark thoughts.
He’d do this every night, any time, anywhere to get another sick thrill.
“Yes! Yes! Like this- oh g- gods, Ser! Mm, I'm close Ser,” she cried out, a ragdoll for Criston’s delights now. The princess turned to kiss him, a rare gesture, plush lips smacking against his fervently as they grunted and rutted in a frenzy. The Marcher gasped into her wet mouth, feeling like a dog drooling over meat.
Criston needed her to come first, suckling on her fat bottom lip, pressing harder, mumbling desperately sweet things he wouldn’t remember. He begged, “Yes sweetling, I can feel you, let go for me, come on, I'm with you darling, my precious girl.”
It was a muffled shriek and Criston’s pitchy cry as they messily kissed, rutting like animals, the princess spurring Criston on into emptying into his pants with ragged breaths, cursing and shivering. She fared no better, coming apart as pretty as she always did, making sure Criston could almost feel it.
They kissed through the aftershocks, lips all swollen and wet, Criston pulling her atop his body as he laid back onto the bed, lazily stroking the maiden’s back. She was quiet for a moment longer, basking, cheeks adorably flushed. She nuzzled his jaw and cheek like a kitten, sleepily mumbling, “Don’t make me leave yet, please Ser Criston? That was…a lesson…I don't want to be alone.”
He kissed her forehead, muttering some nonsense about giving her some time. Criston couldn't say no. It was more time to spend in fantasy. He could feel that small iron altar of the seven-pointed star awaiting him anyway. What was a few hours more in sin?
“I won’t leave you, my dear,” he lied.
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fairlyang · 11 months ago
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Let you break my heart again II🕷️
will your friendship be strong enough or will it be easy to crack through?
w/c: 2.9K
pairing: miguel o’hara x f!reader
tags: angst, more heartbreak, no more playboy, typical girl best friend problems, crazy gf, cheating allegations, betrayal, heartbreak, the end
notes: I dragged a lil ass I wanted it done the next day but writer brain </3 FINAL PART !!!!! (My original idea was for mig to only admit his feelings to reader after she got gwen stacy’ed)
part one
Months had passed and this girlfriend actually stuck around. He didn’t get rid of her and he somehow didn’t grow bored of her like he had with the others.
The worst part had to be when they made the three month point and he decided it was finally time for her to meet you.
That day your nerves had grown and you weren’t so sure you’d be able to do it. To pull through and not just burst out crying when you watch as he looks at her with pure love in his eyes.
It looked like his playboy days were over and he was finally ready for a solid relationship.
You barely made it through the night and if it weren’t for Peter’s hugs and MJ’s comforting words when Dana went to touch up her makeup and Miguel went to go change clothes, you would’ve been an absolute goner.
It was getting late and Peter offered to take you home to which you immediately accepted. Miguel then offered to take you after dropping Dana off but you politely declined.
Especially after seeing how wide her eyes got and she was (not so) subtly glaring at you.
Usually girlfriends would hate the girl best friend just because they’re a girl, but in this case Dana is a smart girl, and she had an instant inkling of your feelings towards him.
Even though you’ve remained respectful like you always have been when meeting his girlfriends, she didn’t like that Miguel had a girl best friend.
She kept her mouth shut and pretended she was fine but slowly piecing things together in her head.
So after saying your goodbyes and leaving Miguel’s apartment it didn’t take long for you to break down in the backseat of Peter’s car with an empathetic MJ trying to console you.
It only grew more difficult to hide your true feelings. Especially because Miguel would now bring Dana to group hangouts. Which makes some sense, even though Peter and MJ were just friends when you met them, then grew feelings for one another.
Alas you had no choice but to suck it up.
Three more months passed by and your love for him never faded. He didn’t even treat you that differently either which did end up causing some trouble for him from Dana. She apparently didn’t like how close you guys were, even if you did know each other since you were 14.
She claimed she should be his only best friend and what else could he really ask for.
He told her that you’d always be his best friend and he wasn’t going to toss you out just because she wants to be his only best friend. He can have multiple best friends.
How could he throw away an 8 year long friendship?
He then called her crazy for thinking she can control who he’s friends with.
So she recalled his words right back to him when she randomly ended up befriending his younger half-brother, Gabriel, merrily weeks after that argument.
Miguel wouldn’t ever tell you the specifics of the argument, mainly because in a sense he wanted to protect you. He didn’t want you to feel bad that his girlfriend didn’t like you, (as if you didn’t already know) and that she wanted him to drop you.
So when hanging out just as a pair he’d only tell you he was frustrated with her. He told you that she had befriended Gabriel and you only saw red flags but kept quiet.
You tried to remain cautious of what you’d say when he’d come to you about relationship problems. Obviously deep down you want to tell him to break up with her because she’s toxic and controlling but it wasn’t the best idea as the supposed girl best friend that “isn’t” in love with her best friend.
So you told him to maybe spend less time with you, mostly because you genuinely couldn’t think of an actual suitable solution.
But it didn’t matter because ultimately he denied that idea quickly and looked deeply in your eyes promising you, “you’ll always be my best friend. Nothing’s going to change that.”
If only he knew and kept to his promise.
It was now two months after that conversation was had and a whirlwind of actions, words, and lies would turn everything around.
You went to eat some lunch at a cafe outside of campus when your phone died on the way back. You were fine without relying on your phone and just thought you’d charge it during your next lecture on your laptop.
As you finally hit campus and walked past different students sitting around the grass and benches, your eyes focused on a familiar head with its brown bob.
You sigh and felt your heart ache as you walked past Dana eating Miguel’s face out in public like that.
Until you took a double take and dread hit you after realizing it wasn’t Miguel she was making out with. It was fucking Gabriel.
You couldn’t believe she was just openly cheating on Miguel like it was nothing.
You stood a couple feet from them and you couldn’t believe this was real. You blinked, rubbed your eyes, and blinked again but sure enough it was the younger O’Hara brother with a red scarf and those goofy ass (but recognizable) goggles.
You gulped and took your phone out only for the screen to show that it was dead.
You mentally panicked and were afraid they’d catch you so you quickly ran inside and immediately headed straight to your lecture hall.
The klutz in you unfortunately never went away so you nearly fell as soon as you accidentally hit a body after making a turn.
Horror filled your eyes and body as Miguel held onto your shoulders, trying to see what was wrong.
Your eyes were wide and your heart was racing wildly, you couldn’t possibly do this right now.
“I- M-Mig- uh- ‘m l-late for c-chem- sorry!” You stuttered and pushed past him to get to class and manage your thoughts properly.
As soon as you made it and sat at your unassigned assigned seat that happened to be next to MJ, who was worried to see you so stunned, held your hand and tried to get you to be calm because you looked so distressed.
You hadn’t even realized your hands and legs were shaking. How could they not be?
You just witnessed the most brutal betrayal of all time and there was no concrete evidence whatsoever.
Your first instant thought was that Miguel wouldn’t believe you.
He was full on in love with Dana now, in what world would he believe the love of his love would be cheating on him?
Not only cheating on him but cheating on him with his brother?!?
MJ’s mouth was moving but you couldn’t hear a word, you couldn’t even read her lips. All your brain was set on was how of fucking course it had to be you who caught Dana’s ass cheating.
How fast she’d turn it onto you would be so insane. Disgusting even.
What if she exposed your feelings towards him?
What if she could convince him you’re lying?
All you could do is pray he’d believe his ole reliable best friend over a girl he’s been with for 6 months and his brother he never really got along with.
MJ was eventually able to catch your attention but it took the entire lesson for her to get a peep out of you. And that peep only happen to be a sad whisper of Miguel’s name.
As your phone finally charged your first instinct was to text Miguel, quickly typing the words, “need to see you, my place after class?”
He quickly responded with a simple, “sounds good.” Then followed by a, “should I be worried?” Which you had no response to.
You quietly told MJ the unfortunate news to which she nearly gasped out loud. Her eyes were wide and she finally understood why you were so freaked out.
The lecture had finally ended and you collected all your things while MJ was quietly asking you questions to which you quietly answered.
Following your tail as you left the lecture hall and off to find Peter to quickly fill him in, and to help with your nerves because you didn’t even know how to start off that conversation with Miguel.
They were both giving you suggestions on how to break it down gently to him while Peter drove you back to your place.
You could feel the anxiety building in your stomach and it felt so scary not knowing how he’ll react.
And it overall felt even worse that you couldn’t take a video or a picture. This was practically a test to see if he’d trust you enough to tell him the truth or just make up a lie.
You could only pray that he’d believe your words over hers but you couldn’t even begin to prepare yourself in case he didn’t.
How could he not believe you? Even if you’ve been desperately in love with him you’d never do anything to purposely destroy any of his relationships.
You were just too kind-hearted to ever even think about doing that.
Would he really have it in him to not trust your words anymore?
Will he believe her words over yours?
Will this lifelong friendship finally come to its end like Dana has been wanting from the very beginning?
Finally you had arrived at your apartment and you still felt uneasy. Miguel’s car wasn’t in sight until you heard the revving of his car and that’s when things started to get real.
They gave you their final words of encouragement before you got out and climbed up the steps to wait for him.
He parked behind Peter and as he got out you could slightly hear him ask if they were gonna come in to which they obviously said no.
He shrugged and walked over to you as you unlocked the first door before stepping in and walking to the left door that lead up to your apartment.
“Hey are you okay? You seemed shaken up earlier.” He said, walking in and shutting the first door behind him.
You walked in and stepped aside to let him go in then shut the door behind him. The anxiety returned and you weren’t so sure how to start it all off once you turned around to look at him.
Your heart ached and although you might’ve been filled with jealousy for months on end, you would never pray he would get hurt this way.
You always wanted happiness for him, even if it wasn’t with you.
And now that he had it, you had to break his heart.
How could you possibly let him down gently?
You felt your hands beginning to sweat and your legs started shaking again which he instantly noticed and grabbed you, carefully leading you to the couch.
He sat you down and sat right next to you, gently holding your hands, wondering what could possibly have given you such a drastic reaction.
You desperately tried to calm yourself but it was to no use. Your body was panicking inside and out, giving away that this was something serious.
You still didn’t know how to even start.
So you just blurted it out.
“Dana cheated on you.”
Silence filled the room.
You could’ve sworn he could hear your heart pounding out of your chest. He was frozen and immediate tears formed in his eyes.
This was so fucked up.
In all these years of being his shoulder to cry on, you were petrified that it would come to an end. In a way you kind of always relied on him being there no matter what.
This whole situation could make or break that.
“I saw Dana making out with Gabriel on campus…” you whispered before adding, “I’m so sorry.”
You had never felt so nervous in your life. You moved one hand from his and held his while he stared down at the floor.
You were subconsciously tapping your foot on the ground because the anxiety had just taken control and the silence was already killing you.
You couldn’t help but feel sympathetic, he truly has never been so happy, and now it’s just gone.
You looked at his face and as soon as you did, his tears started pouring out. One hot tear fell after another and you grabbed him, him embracing you as he cried into your shoulder.
You felt sick to your stomach, it felt like the most unfortunate thing to ever have happened to you.
Having to tell the love of your life that his girlfriend cheated on him.
Having to see how heartbroken he was.
Nothing would’ve prepared you for his reaction.
The quiet sobs and light shaking.
The way his hands were trembling while holding on to you.
You just hugged him as tightly as you could and gently rubbed his back to try to soothe him. Maybe it was past trauma that suddenly hit him, that he started to sob a little louder.
Your heart was practically breaking right with his. You felt downright horrible and weren’t sure how you could possibly help him. Only thing you could do was be with him, and you’d be with him for as long as he needed.
And you were.
Like the absolute best friend, of course you were.
The day after you explained in full, what you witnessed and he stayed at your place for a solid week before he decided to talk to Dana and listen to what she had to say. You offered to go with him but he said it was best you stayed, though he did really want your support but didn’t think it would be appropriate.
It was midday on a Friday when he had the call and he didn’t come back that night.
Or the next.
Or after that.
You had no fucking clue what was said and neither did Peter nor MJ.
Monday morning your mind kept thinking worst case scenarios which had you feeling uneasy as you were walking on campus to your first lecture.
Suddenly you stopped with Peter and MJ following suit at the sight in front of you. Miguel’s arms wrapped around Dana’s with Gabriel standing in front of them laughing at something.
That was the moment you felt your heart shatter into pieces at the realization of what happened.
Your words weren’t enough.
And in his emotional state and her false sweet voice she definitely used, of course he fell for whatever lying words she told him.
Her manipulative and crazy ass didn’t help from the pain this brought you.
He was your best friend.
Falling hopelessly and desperately in love with someone who was once a shy little nerd that would be there everyday for you, to now a man who doubted his best friend’s word for a girl he knew for less than a year.
8 years.
8 years you had known each other and not once ever lied to one another.
All of a sudden in his mind it makes sure that you lied about something as graphic as this.
All of a sudden he believes her words over your own.
Absolutely nothing could’ve prepared you for the way your heart ached and all you felt was hopelessness.
When Gabriel slightly moved, Miguel was now in clear view of you three, more specifically you.
The most vicious glare was all he was giving you meanwhile Dana only had a mischievous smirk on her face which gave you all the confirmation you needed.
Peter shook his head in disgust while MJ grabbed you, making you walk in the direction of your lecture while Peter walked behind you both before stepping up to him and muttering, “The truth will hit you hard one day.”
And boy did it.
Three months after that Miguel was going back to his place to cook a romantic dinner only to catch Gabriel giving Dana backshots on the kitchen counter.
Immediate regret hit him and he realized you were indeed telling him the truth.
He realized Dana’s bold lie that you were the liar, and made that stuff up about her was because you wanted to steal him from her, was indeed not real. That you weren’t deeply in love with him and needed to fabricate the perfect lie to finally steal him.
But before they both left (half dressed), Dana had to let him know that he was the easiest to manipulate out of all her exes. Then that the reality was that you were in love with him, the only lie being just that you didn’t plan anything.
She just hated girl best friends but also wasn’t in the mood for something so serious. She wanted a cop out. A way out.
So she figured you were the easiest target and making up that his other two friends, who she also didn’t like, were also in on it, was the best way to go about it.
The only reason she came back to Miguel was because she grew bored of Gabriel and wanted him back.
And he fell right into her trap.
And there was no way to fix or mend what he so badly broke.
It was far too late.
But at last, you’d never let him break your heart again.
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equippedtolove · 5 months ago
Text
- natare ad astra.
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who am i?
im equippedtolove (you can call me astra) and I write marauders fanfics on ao3. im an enfp, bisexual, my pronouns are she/her, and I'm british indian. my star sign is gemini coz i was born on the sixth of june!! i also write poetry and want to be an author someday.
i am under 16.
what can you talk to me about?
☆ the marauders
☆ wolfstar
☆ david bowie, guns n roses, sex pistols, hozier, conan gray, chappell roan, lana del rey, pink floyd, queen, metallica, abba, coldplay, the clash, radiohead and cigarettes after sex
☆ my 5 favourite things to do, which are: listen to music, sing, write, read, and sleep.
feel free to ask any questions or send me a message! x
what other blogs do i have?
i also run three remus rp accounts, and one marlene one! won't be tagging them here because of the gore threats coming our way, but asks and such will be turned on once the coast is clear x
social media accounts
insta ☆ tik tok ☆ twitter ☆ ao3 ☆ spotify ☆ fics masterlist
events and tags!
events:
100 followers event
200 followers event: coming soon...
tags:
astra asks! - asks ive recieved
astra plays! - games i've created/participated in
div creds to @adornedwithlight!!
moot lore
@daddysclownboy is the LOML. sorry i don't make the rules. we r married
@moonyswarmsweaters and i WERE married, but alas, we divorced 😔
@glittery--grandma adopted me 😻
@et-sic-incipit is amazing and wonderful and conan and hozier and also great because we swim together and are fabulous
@morallyundefined is literally the only reason i write atp i love your lil reviews mwa mwa mwa 🤭🤭
@purple-phesh-and-cheps is amazing ☆☆☆ i love u nd your sister @professor-geen-berries
@allonsy-moony is a fucking cool trans person. don't let him tell you otherwise.
@ravenwordss married you too!! mwa mwa mwa I love your blog and also making you happy
@therewasnofloorbtw our james and remus duos are serving hard
@rainystarssx twin <33 we both love raven very much /p and want to dote on her as a loving friend would. i have a shrine dedicated to you because you have made me cry three times in unadulterated happiness.
@yourlocalbadgerscales i love you. hope this was good enough for your first intro post mention xx <3
@mrstellmeafuckingsecret this one's my wife because i love her like i love sirius orion black
@vulcajes and i served, then ate and left no crumbs. moonage daydreamers together fr
@moonandstarshangoutinbars @blueberry0409 POWER PUFF GIRLS UNITE i am buttercup, amanat is bubbles and vi is blossom and we are desi and unstoppable
@percyweasleyapologist my 'salt is spicy wdym' grandma <3
more moot lore will come later when i remember
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mileycyprus-hill · 8 months ago
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To Have and to Hold, Tenderly
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Based off @gondorimagines post about Boromir cradling you in his arms after a bad day. I took a creative turn with it. This is also my first Boromir fic I've written, so I hope it's good. (Not gonna lie, it was a f***ing struggle to alter my writing style to mirror that of Tolkien when I've only ever written cowboy stuff. Did I need to? Prolly not. But I'm an idiot who does things the hard way.)
Summary: You're a Lady of Dol Amroth and have been married to Boromir for a few years. You're postpartum from a long and painful delivery of your firstborn child while Boromir was gone to protect the borders of Gondor. When he returns, he offers you consolation during your difficult time.
Tags/Warnings: postpartum depression, fluff.
It has been a week.
A week and the pain still lingers. It has spread through your body and evolved from its physical form to infect your mind. The pain of labor had left you frail and weary, your once vibrant spirit now subdued by the weight of motherhood's trials. As you lie in your bedchamber, weighed down underneath the furs and silk sheets, you hear the argument between guilt and apathy loud in your thoughts.
The guilt shouts at you, ordering you to get up. It tells you to be stronger than this; that a Lady of Dol Amroth and wife of a high-ranking captain does not laze about in her bed. She never accepts defeat, but stands up and soldiers on. For her child. For her people.
Apathy however, whispers that you have already failed and you'll never be strong enough for yourself, your child, or your captain again. Your body is ruined. Boromir may not ever return to Minas Tirith. How will you find the strength again?
The silence in the room feeds your inner thoughts. The grand walls and high ceiling loom over you, making it feel less of a comforting place of rest and more of an entrapping cave of white stone. The heavy, blue velvet curtains draping your tall, arched windows shut out the warm sunlight.
You wish to hold her, your newborn babe. That's all you can care for, to feel her warmth against you so you can feel something. Alas, she remains with your nursemaid in another room at the request of the midwife. To give you rest, she told. She witnessed your pain and anguish firsthand, as she stayed with you during those prolonged hours of pushing, screaming, crying, and praying for it all to end. You were near hysterics, anxious that your baby was trapped inside you. You feared as if you had to split yourself in half to get her out.
The midwife recognized your melancholy which lingered after your daughter's birth. She said to you this feeling will pass in time, or was it she hoped it would?
As you drift in and out of an emotional slumber, a gentle knock echoes through the wooden door, followed by the sound of heavy footsteps crossing the threshold. You open your eyes to see the familiar dark, yet golden hair of Boromir, your stalwart husband. He enters your shared bedchamber, his countenance etched with lines of concern and weariness from the battles fought at Gondor's borders.
"My dear (Y/N)," he whispers, his voice a soothing balm to your troubled mind.
You can hardly contain the tears in your weary eyes at the sight of his towering figure. The sound of his voice sends a wave of relief. It washes over you, threatening to spill the emotions you've held so tightly in your heart.
"You've returned!" You sputter and look to him as he crosses the room with purpose, his arms outstretched to embrace you. With such tender care, he gathers you in his arms, his strong frame a shield against the woes outside your door.
"I have, as swiftly as my steed could carry me...I feared I had lost you," he murmurs, soft and low, pressing a kiss to your brow. "But here you are, safe as I hoped you both would be."
You nestled against his chest, feeling the steady rhythm of his heart beneath your ear. It's a comforting cadence amidst the chaos of your thoughts. The warmth of his cheek against your crown permeates your cold and weakened body and you breathe in his scent, detecting his musk that you've always found so alluring.
Lavender and cream from his shave, leather from his clothing, and the earth and air from his travels.
"How are you feeling?" He queries with a gentle hush, "I had heard it was...quite difficult."
Tears began flowing down your cheeks like a trickling stream after a spring rain. You mutter a sarcastic answer to mask the pain, albeit pathetically, "Difficult is how I would describe your temper. This was..." you pause to reconsider burdening him with your woes, "...something far beyond my imagination."
Boromir's warm hold around you tightens and he presses an apologetic kiss to your forehead. As the fire crackles softly in the hearth, he begins to weave a tale of excitement upon learning the news of your daughter's birth.
"When I received word that our child was a girl," he began, a fond smile gracing his lips, "my heart swelled with joy beyond measure. I thought, a blessing has been bestowed upon us by the Valar themselves, to cherish and protect for all the days of our lives."
Your heart sank.
"But what of your father? He did not appear pleased to discover her," You worry, remembering the controlling nature of the steward towards all things in his city. "Tradition demands a male heir."
Boromir replies, his expression turning solemn as he considers your question, "He may harbor...disappointment at first. He does cling to the ways of old, but he is a man of wisdom and honor." He pauses, a flicker of sadness crossing his features before resolve settled in his eyes. "I have faith that in time he will come to see the light and beauty that our daughter brings to our house, and he will welcome her into the fold with open arms, as a cherished member of our noble lineage."
He recounted how he had ridden with haste through the rolling hills of Gondor, his heart buoyed by the thought of returning to your side, to share in the wonder of new life.
"As I rode through the streets, I heard talk of you and our daughter." He smiles a breathless laugh at that final word, "They spoke with such gleeful joy, 'Finally, a girl is born in the Citadel!' It gave them hope, (Y/N). Countless people requested I send word of your good health to them. They love you, (Y/N). They are here for you just as I am. You are...you're their princess."
Suddenly, a drop of moisture splashes onto your hair. Bringing yourself up from beneath his chin, you look into his grey-blue eyes. They're brimming with tears and he makes no effort to slow his weeping, for he is so overjoyed he can no longer contain them.
"My journey was long and arduous," he continued, his voice a low rumble in the quiet chamber. "But fear not, my love, for I am here now. Together, we shall weather this storm."
And so, in the solace of each other's arms, you found a sanctuary from the trials of the world outside. For in the embrace of love, even the darkest night could be pierced by the light of hope, shining bright as the morning sun upon the walls of Gondor.
The soft creak of the doorknob echoes through the bedchamber, heralding the arrival of another into the sanctum of your solace. Both of your gazes, intertwined with longing and curiosity, turn to behold the newcomer being carried across the threshold.
"And now, here she is," says Boromir, his gaze softening as he looks upon the babe being welcomed into your arms. "When I look upon her, I see the promise of a future adorned with beauty and grace. A beacon of hope to light our path ahead."
As he spoke, you felt a warmth suffuse your weary frame, a renewed sense of purpose blooming within your heart. For in Boromir's words, you find strength to face the challenges that lay ahead, knowing that together, you would overcome every obstacle, guided by the light of love's enduring flame.
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wyyvernn · 11 months ago
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A/n: Something small I wrote for myself but then I got carried away and wrote it longer :)
✧・゚: Masterlist :・゚✧
Cw: All characters 18+, Older Man/Younger Woman, Mentor/Student Dynamic, Smut, Thigh riding, Overstimulation, Fingering - don't like, don't read
Tags: @psybrepunk @sangheilihoes @demigoddessqueens @bookworm-with-coffee @ladysaturnsdust @haytham-loves-chocolate @memoriesofafallen
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Usually, there was little that filled the silence of the Grand Master's office. The soft flipping through papers and maps, and the occasional scratching of a quill occured here and there. Haytham planned out the rest of his night to be a peaceful one, occupied by unfinished letters, and paragraphs to be written in his journal about his recent involvements in the Order.
But of course, those plans were thwarted and the peace chased away by his pupil invading his privacy again.
Your cries of pleasure echoed in his office, bringing him back from his thoughts. He watched you grind yourself back and forth on his thigh, your skirts bunched up in your fists, eyes squeezed shut and those smooth lips of yours parted, occasionally licked wet by your tongue. His hand came up and tucked some of your loose hair behind your ear, the other one curled around your hip, keeping you firmly put on his lap.
“Needy little thing…” He muttered quietly, his voice low and husky. The way he seemed so nonchalant about the situation frustrated you a little. 
You were making quite a sticky mess of his pants, and he felt your slick seeping through, soiling the material with a large patch of wetness. It amused him - the disorderly and unruly sight of you was a strong contrast to the perfect image of him. Unlike you, there wasn't a single grey strand out of place from his neat ponytail, nor were his clothes unkempt, his body still donning his usual navy blue fit. You guessed that if you hadn't interrupted him when you had, he would've been packing up for the night and heading to sleep but alas here you both were.
A sigh exhaled through him, like your unfulfilled desires were a minor inconvenience to his night.
“Have you no shame? Do you take pleasure in robbing me of my late night hours? Of the only time I am free to indulge in?” He scolds, adopting a slight frown, but you can tell that he's not really angry. Something about his expression tells you that he's only playing along.
“Mhn… sorry, sir.” You murmur with guilt painting your face, repeatedly dragging your wet slit back and forth, gasping when your clit scrapes against the rough material of his trousers.
“No, you're not.” He says, hisses, his breath beginning to grow ragged and uneven when he grabs your hips, a noticeable bulge forming and rubbing against your leg. Large, calloused hands dig into your skin and force you to grind harder on his thigh, resulting in a particularly sharp cry from your throat.
“You're not sorry.” He grits out, his words harsh in your ear, and he yanks your lower body towards him again, eliciting another whine. “You wouldn't be grinding yourself on my thigh for relief like a common whore if you were now, would you?”
You continue to fill the office with your lewd sounds, too stuck in the euphoria that his leg provides you. No doubt whoever has walked past on the other side of the door has heard your moaning, either stopping to listen or rushing away with a bright face.
A slap to your rump refocuses your attention back to him when you don't offer an answer.
“Would you?”
You babble out something incoherent, another apology or something that you don't care to remember, only focused on how good it feels, how good his hands feel as they push and pull your hips yet painful when it becomes too stimulating.
“Slow down, sir… please.” You moan out, digging your heels into the floor and tightening your hands on his shoulders in an attempt to stop yourself but his grip is relentless, the pace he sets for you even more so.
A flash of determination burns in his eyes briefly when you try to stop him. “Oh no, you wanted this. And I'll see to it that you finish it to the end.” 
Suddenly he's pushing aside your skirts and seeking out your swollen nub. The moment he dips his thick fingers past your folds, you bite into your bottom lip and bury your face in his neck, muffling your groans.
He twists the pair of them deeper while you writhe in his lap and then claw your hands at his back when they curl against your walls, the rough pad of his thumb dragging along your clit and bringing you closer and closer to your release.
“Please, sir… please!” You beg, trying to catch your breath but your Grand Master is unforgiving, still watching you with that almost bored expression as he plays with you.
With one last cry into his shoulder, Haytham thrusts his fingers impossibly quick and finally stops when you spill all over them. He lifts them up to your mouth and pops both in, slathering your slick on your tongue, a silent command to taste yourself.
You don't disappoint him, taking his forearm in both of your hands and wrapping your lips around his digits, making sure to suck them clean.
He watches you with a flicker of lust, his cock still hard and straining in trousers, and he pulls his fingers away abruptly from your mouth with a wet pop before he can make you do something about his evident predicament. He'll deal with it later.
Haytham gently shoos you off his lap, much to your disappointment.
“Run along now and clean yourself up. I expect you to be ready in the morning for training. And don't interrupt me at this hour again.” He warns, although there's a light mischief to his eyes, one that almost dares you to try it again.
And of course you do, the following night.
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08melancholie · 3 months ago
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Untouched. — Micah/Reader
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tags: Loss of Innocence, Loss of Virginity, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Gentle Sex, Mild Hurt/Comfort, always have to include some angst sorry guys, Porn with Feelings, Angst and Porn, Emotional Porn, Blood, Porn with minimal Plot, Angst with a Happy Ending, Guilt, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Vaginal Sex, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Aftercare, Female Honorifics/Terms, Not Beta Read, no beta we die like Micah Bell, Established Relationship
summary: Virginity and sex have been a pretty taboo topic between you and your lover, Micah. You've been together a long time now and he's started initiating intimacy almost every night. But you were too scared, of the way the other girls described losing their innocences. So you turned it down every time. Finally, after realising how unfair you were being to Micah, you cave in, one fortunate night—surely, Micah will take care of you? It probably would have been smart to ask if the two of you both lost your virginities, first.
a/n: another micah fic to heal my unresolved trauma.. mmmmm yes. do u guys like your h/c with your smut or am i alone on this..
warnings: loss of virginity
words: 3,514 | AO3 LINK
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You always heard that it hurt, stung and bled a lot. It made you afraid, that much was sure. What made it worse was how much Micah wanted it—he hinted at it every night when in bed with you. So many nights in which he'd do everything he needed to, hoping that you'd finally give in and finally sleep with him. But no; every night, you chickened out. All of the other girls had told their experiences, most of them sounding absolutely terrifying—some of them saying they were crying, even. It was horrific, and it scared you away from ever even wanting to lose your virginity.
But your lover never seemed to complain. Micah was quite understanding, even if he was unaware you were still untouched.
Another night approaches the two of you, hidden away from everyone inside Micah's tent. You're both already in your sleepwear, your back pressed to Micah's chest with his arm lazily slung around your abdomen. His face is buried into the crook of your neck, the exact space where the shoulder ends and extends to the neck. His breaths are slow and calm, but the energy feels weird. His actions feel a little reluctant, which you learned was usually an implication that he wants to ask something. So, you gently took his hand and squeezed to get his attention.
"Hm.?" He glanced at you from over your shoulder, groggily humming while fluttering his eyes open to see you in the dimly lit tent.
You slowly turned yourself around, wanting to look him in the eyes while you talked of this. "Something on your mind?" You feel his arm, on your back now that you turned over, tighten slightly—meaning you were right.
Micah was quiet for a moment, contemplating his answer while his hand went from lazily hanging into your body to holding it more firmly. "Just.. 'bout us." He mumbles his answer, partially scared to even bring this up. "I know.. you always say no to it. But, I would really like to show you.. my love in every way I can." His palm slowly moves around your lower back, caressing it through your thin nightwear in a circular motion.
You dreaded just talking about it, all your fear coming right back to you. You didn't want blood, tears, stinging and hurt. You didn't want that, not with your lover. "I know..." Your fear always got in the way before, that feeling of agony whenever this and any similar topic were brought up in conversation. Being the only person in camp still with your virginity, the girls who knew teased you relentlessly—don't even get started on the men. Alas, tonight felt a little different; you felt for Micah. He's been begging you for... months. It's all he's wanted from you for endless weeks, and he's been doing anything and everything to get you to agree. Micah has been so good to you, and yet you turn him down every time. It was pity you felt now, more than fear. And so, you prepare yourself to either make the best or the worst decision of your life. "I think.. tonight wouldn't be so bad." And there it is, finally out of your mouth.
You see Micah's darkened face lift to you, barely able to see you, but he's unmoving and just staring ahead at your face. After a moment, you hear him briefly and quietly chuckle. "Attagirl! I knew you'd come around, baby!" He's excited, like a child getting their favourite toy from the store, which makes this worth it no matter the experience. His arm tightens around you and he wastes no time scooting closer, giving you many reassuring and rewarding kisses and pecks on the lips, which you all return. His hand on your lower back is still massaging your back, but is now traveling lower, hovering over your rear. He brings his other hand into play, placing it on the back of your head and gently grabbing you by the hair, starting to deepen the kiss. At least you knew how to make out with him, thank God.
His hand finally reached your backside, and he gave it an experimental knead to hear your reaction—loving how you squeaked into his mouth at the sudden contact. So, he continued to massage your ass while deepening the kiss, his tongue finding itself exploring your mouth, not one singular crevice left untouched by your lover. You could feel yourself getting more hot, gradually. It was really happening. You had that same fear in the back of your head still, but it was overpowered by the lust slowly creeping up your body and down between your legs. "Let's do this right, hm?" Micah parts from your mouth and stops kneading at you, patting your rear before standing off the cot to light a lantern. He wanted to see you while he finally had you. "Lay on yer back for me, sweet thin'."
You do as he says—he's definitely the expert here—and shift from your side to your back, watching as he starts stripping off his shirt. The grey undershirt finds itself on the floor, and he gets back to the bed, this time climbing over you. It's a sight, seriously.
"Liking what you're finally seein', eh babydoll?" He lets out a brief chuckle before leaning back down to continue making out, one hand on your cheek and the other on your knee. His fingers are tinging, practically desperate to touch you, and it just sends more heat to your core and dampness to your underwear. He starts to slowly move his hand down, devilishly slowly. Your hands wrapped around his neck to pull him closer, and he started gently biting your lip. His hand slowly moved lower, soon enough finding itself on your inner thigh just under your chemise. "Let's see," he brushes over your clothed sex, finding you wet already and making you sigh into his mouth. It boosts his ego and he can't stop a small exhaled laugh leaving him. "damn, lookat'chu. Already so wet fer me?" He drawls, pulling away from your mouth to give you a breather. He fiddles with the hem of your undergarments, just barely sliding his fingers under it. "How about we get this off next?"
Your panties get tossed onto his shirt, and you feel very nude despite the chemise covering you perfectly fine. He's rightfully impatient to have you, and immediately swipes a finger through your folds to slick his finger up, the other hand fumbling with his jean zipper and button. It's happening. His slicked-up finger pressed to your entrance, slowly pushing itself inside as you mewled underneath him, just turning him more on with how responsive you were. "There we go," he pulls his jeans down while slowly entering and leaving your walls, fucking you with one finger. It's pure bliss; you're gasping at every thrust and curl of his finger, despite knowing what's coming every time. Then, he adds another digit. You moan, pleasure mixes with a small stinging, but it's soon drowned out by pleasure as Micah uses two fingers on your cunt, and starts rubbing circles into your nub with his thumb. "Shit, girl, you're tight." He comments, feeling how you clench around his digits and how hard it is to ease them in. He curls and scissors them inside you, more of your moans filling the tent. You look down at him as he slowly pulls his coated fingers out, seeing him kick his jeans off and pull his drawers down. It's actually happening.
He's fully nude now, crawling to your knees and beckoning you to sit up. You comply and he grabs the hem of your chemise, quickly removing it off your now bare body and throwing it to the other discarded clothing of yours. Both of you, nude as the day you were born. "You don't even know how purty 'ya are," He shimmies back onto the bed, looking down at you for a moment. "turn around, on your hands and knees." The command feeds into the fire in your abdomen, feeling butterflies practically attacking it. You roll over in compliance, lifting you hips up. You hear the cot creak quietly before his hands find your hips. It's finally happening. You cling to the pillow that the lower half of your face is buried into, grabbing fistfuls of the plush material to brace yourself. Good that you did. Micah—still unaware—doesn't even try to wait, and with no warm-up thrusts, he lines himself up.
The way the pillow muffles out the sound that escapes you, a pained and squeaky yelp, makes Micah unaware of the fact you're hurting. He's pushing himself in further, and you're gripping onto the pillow for dear life. The other girls were right—it burns, stings and you can't even move your body in protest. "Damn, girl.. still so tight?" Micah murmurs, but something just feels odd—even more so when he feels you start shaking. Tears have begun seeping out of your eyes, like the girls said they might. The pillow is absorbing every little drop, but it's your body that betrays you as you start shaking, and it all goes to shit. "Hey—honey, 'ya good.?" Micah leans over your back slightly, and seeing as he gets no response other than a muffled sob, he withdraws himself out of you, earning another yelp from you. And, that's when he sees it.
His tip is red, covered in both your slick and blood. He feels his body stiffen as he looks down at it, then at your bleeding sex. He's not a fool or an idiot; he knows exactly what it all means. "Jesus fucking Christ.." Micah instantly gets off of the cot, picking his jeans and undergarments off the floor. He doesn't even bother to wipe his shaft—now soft, from the realisation of the horrific situation he's put you in—before he tucks himself away, just staring at your weeping form as you shake. It takes him a moment to break out of it, but he's instantly coming over to comfort you as he does. "My God, I am.. so sorry, my sweet girl." He coos, walking to your side of the bed and gently rubbing your head, his palm caressing you as his fingers tangle in your hair. "I am a moron.. I never noticed or.. even asked—God, babydoll..." He curses himself mentally, the sounds of your crying fogging his brain completely.
You slowly sit up on the cot, with slight issue, wiping your face dry. "No.. I should have told you—it's why I never.." Micah nods and cuts you off with a "I know" as he extends his arms, his stomach churning at the sight of you like this. You don't need another word from him before you crawl over and fall into his arms, emotions higher than usual. Your tears overtake you again, and you're weeping into his shoulder while hugging him impossibly close. And so, It happened.
You always imagined your first time would be this.. fairy-tale moment you read about in books, but it was so much worse. Micah is cooing quiet reassurances into your ear, and you're crying into his shoulder as you're still bleeding down under. This, it was the opposite of what you read about—it was so much worse. "I'm sorry.. I ruined this for us." You mumbled against his skin, your words barely coherent.
"No—No, don't even say that." Micah practically scolds you, not even wanting to hear about any of that. "You didn't do anything, 'ya hear? I should have known.. or at least asked." He huffs and brings his head into your hair, sighing shakily against it. "So sorry, babygirl. I would have been.. so much gentler, if I knew." His voice is quiet and soft—highly uncharacteristic, but you like it, in a way. You just hug tighter to him, feeling a drop of your blood ooze down your thigh.
Once you two finally compose each other, Micah makes you take a seat on the cot. "I'm gonna take care of 'ya, doll. That okay?" You nod before he walks over to another corner of the tent, getting out a clean rag he keeps about before returning. He kneels before you, placing his free hand on your thigh. "Spread them," he can barely look when you comply to his command, seeing the blood again. He pushed his own feelings aside—you're doing much worse than he is—and gently parts your thighs some more before bringing the rag to your bloody mound, very carefully wiping you clean. You gasp a few times as the rough rag brushes over you, but bite your lip to keep quiet. Once he's done with you, he kisses your inner thigh and murmurs another apology before standing and turning away from you, unzipping himself free and wipe off what was on his shaft from before.
You're looking up at the back of his head; you feel guilty, terrifying him this way after you finally gave in to the one thing he was missing from you. "Micah.." He tosses the rag and hides himself back into his jeans, turning around to the sound of your voice addressing him. "I.. I don't want this to end."
Micah creases a brow at your statement, a tad confused. "Baby, we won't do anything you—" "I want to, Micah You cut him off, wanting him to understand, so badly. "You said you could.. be more gentle, right.?" Micah silently nodded, ready to hear you out. You look up into his eyes—guilt-ridden like your own, somber and hurt. Finally, after a long pause of melancholic eye-contact, you speak. "Can you show me?"
Silence fills the tent, and Micah can't find it in him to respond right away. He stares down at you sitting there, face ridden with dried tears and your body still nude. Even after he's hurt you, made you sob and weep and shiver—you'll still try to make it work. He's in awe with you, really. So many nights he spent wishing you'd let him in, let him show you love in the most intimate of ways he knows of, just for it to go so south. Alas, you're still willing; willing to try, for him.
The pause between you is hellishly long, so long you even start to feel a bit nervous. Micah breaks up the silence after what feels like years. "Are you sure, baby?" And as you silently nod, it's all he needs to hear. "I'll do this right, show 'ya how nice it can be." He steps up to you, kneeling before you once again. Micah's hands part your thighs, happy to see you not bleeding any longer. "You trust me?" He looks up at you from between your thighs—a sight you could get used to—as he asks. And you nod again; you do trust him, with your life.
Your wordless nod is enough for him, coaxing you to lay back with one hand on your stomach while rubbing and slowly parting your thigh some more. "I'm gonna take good care of 'ya, hm? You gonna let me, dollface?" Of course you'll let him; you couldn't find it in you to decline him even if you wanted to. Which you absolutely don't. You lean down but keep yourself held up to watch him. "Good," Where he would usually tease or prolong the process, he can't do it to you after what just happened. "did you like how I did it previously?" One quick glance and a nod from you before he lifts his hand off your stomach and slicks him thumb up on his tongue, pressing it to your clit and circling it around.
If he could, he'd get the sweet sounds of pleasure you let out on a record and play it on Dutch's gramophone every damn second of the day.
You're gasping and sighing, looking down at his moving digit over your sensitive nub with hazy eyes, your lips slightly parted the entire time. He's drinking it all in, your sounds and expressions as he works up the wetness between your walls again. You mewl his name a few times, and it instantly un-softens him. "Damn, baby.." He looks mesmerised with you, staring at you like you're the most beautiful thing to grace the planet; which, to him, you most certainly are. After he deems it long enough, he slows down his thumb, not stopping but still moving at a reasonable pace for you to meet him back on earth and in the tent from wherever the blissful experience took you. "Okay, I'm gonna start with one, is that alright with you, princess?" You simply nod, watching him show you his index finger. With your silent consent, he rubs around your entrance briefly before slowly sliding it in, making you gasp briefly but enjoyably. He slowly curls and thrusts it out and back in, repeating the process a few times before looking back up at you. "And, how many do you want me to stop at?" He asks his question carefully, waiting on your response. You contemplate your limit and decide on stopping at three for today, and he nods. "Let's see how that feels for you, hm?" He makes sure to slowly coax the second digit into you, watching your face—both for any discomfort and to see your pleasured facial expression. You sigh, fluttering your eyes closed and clenching around him, which he just gives a faint smile to. "I'mma go real slow, baby," He slides both fingers halfway and curls them, making you breathily moan and clutch onto the sheets. He withdraws them to the very fingertips, then pushes back in a bit more quickly, slowly and surely getting you used to the feeling. Soon enough, you're clenching tightly around three fingers, shuddering and groaning breathily.
"That's it, pretty girl." He's praising you all throughout the process, he's gentle and showing you he cares—that he loves you. He's doing exactly what he planned out; showing you his love in the most intimate way he knows to. He draws his three digits fully into you, a nice curl against your walls that makes you lean your head back slightly. "Heh, 'ya think that's good?" He keeps them inside you a brief moment longer before fully pulling out, giving your sweet juices a taste. You watch him pop his digits between his lips, practically sucking your slick out of his skin. You watch in awe.
He's quick to pop them out of his mouth, chuckling lightly at your reaction to it. "I got somethin' even better for 'ya, darlin'." He drawls, wasting no time in returning his thumb to your bundle of nerves. When you assume that's all, he still manages to surprise you.
Your head rolls back when his tongue enters your cunt, fucking into it. It's quick and repetitive, almost making your head spin from pleasure. You hadn't experienced something like it yet, and you just want more. You grip the sheets and lean back, spreading your legs more. Micah gives you a little hum, patting your thigh as praise with his free hand. Then, he grips it and places your leg on his shoulder, diving back in. This position is all the better—he's brushing all the right spots inside you, making you whine and squirm—and you feel the heat in your stomach rise with every thrust of his tongue to your walls. You let him know of this, and he hums into your cunt, which makes you squeak out another moan. This man...
It's not long before you arch off of the cot and squeeze your thighs slightly, your orgasm meeting you. Micah just continues to eat you out, his moustache getting soaked with the juices of your high. He stops when your legs un-squeeze and let go of him, moving his head away from between your thighs. His lips are glistening, and he comes up to give you a taste of yourself, stealing a long kiss from you while rubbing your outer thigh comfortingly. "Did so good, my girl." He breaks the kiss to grab the rag and wipe off the space between your thighs, affectionately kissing your neck and shoulder while he does so, slowly and enjoyably. Taking care of you how you imagined him to.
When he finishes, he helps get you back into your nightwear. "Next time you want to try, I'm makin' sure we're both ready," He lays himself behind you after blowing the lantern out, like you were before tonight escalated. "and I'll make it an experience you won't forget, babydoll." He kisses the nape of your neck, brushing his moustache over your bare skin while rubbing your abdomen lovingly, showering you in the comfort and praise you knew would come out of him one day.
You trust his words; you know he'll make you enjoy it one day.
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Kudos on AO3 always appreciated! I finally finished this fic after putting it off for weeks.. thank you very much for reading it!
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acourtofquestions · 6 months ago
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Empire of Storms Part 1 thoughts, theories & a VERY VERY long post of rambling:
(+ this title as a spoiler warning; heads up to my fellow fans & first time readers (esp. those semi-tagged in this post), I address a lot of Part 1 & possibly up to Chapter 52 of EoS;-) I am ALSO on my first read just finishing said 52 so no spoilers for me past that as I go through Fireheart as well plz, & thx!
I will also be posting a far shorter better edited version of this post next :-)
Oh good gods this book is going to destroy me in the best way possible😅😅🤦‍♀️😭😁😬😆🤣🙃❤️‍🔥🖤🫶
Long writing/reading (I HAVE LOTS OF THOUGHTS & FEELINGS & NEED TO SCREAM IN WIVERN FANGIRL NONSENSE! So, this post will probably jump around quite a bit between chapters, thoughts, theories, reactions, & randomness; read/skim at your own rambling risk😅 also in advance for missed autocorrects I TRIED😂) “round up” for Part 1 of EoS. & yes I have been reading a LOT (whilst VERY busy😂😭), so this blog’s posts are in desperate need of a catch up & will probably only grow more hectic as alas, my library & brain demand to know what happens next NOW😂. You have been warned this post & blog is about to be more incoherent than usual! — And as I said this post is LONG (If your thinking I’m kidding; legit I think this is 20 something pages long; consider it here for historical purposes… & I had a VERY long drive with no books😂)
— NOW —
The organization of parts is interesting, we go from Nightfall, to The Fire-Bringer, to Fireheart. It feels like a full circle from night to day; from learning to being, and showing Aelin’s claim (not from Elena, not from her powers, but from her). The heart of Terrasen, the fire for the world (esp. against the Valg). … It’s also scaring the heck out of me with her self-sacrificial tendencies & the VERY intense vibe (from the first few chapters this story advances into a “final chapter vibe” yet it’s only the first few; it’s reminding me of Deathly Hallows almost? — which is esp. confusing CAUSE I STILL HAVE 3 BOOKS LEFT… and we’re already this intense😬😅soooo MAAS PLEASE DON’T YOUR DARE HURT A HAIR ON ANY OF THEM!!) P.S. for this note; it’s also making my shipping fuel go from 180 to infinity cause she’s his Fireheart🥹 (If only “worried over liking the ship” HoF first read me could see me now😂 @ goddess-aelin 🫶YOU WERE SO RIGHT👏). And generally it’s just been cool to see how the entire story & series has shifted so much (yet kept its heart ;-) !
So, Generally speaking: I’ve loved the first half of Nightfall & The Fire-Bringer (As I’ve loved the series). From the pace & many perspectives, to the plot twists & Easter egg style hints, and the writing with straight-up foreshadowing & full-circle series arcs (many of which have had big moments interwoven & reaching peak within this book). There has been some great character development (many beautiful lines/moments) a lot of raw emotion (crying, laughing, and all of the above), & entertaining interactions as my favorite piece of this book has been all these stories finally crossing paths (& within that developing relationships, friendships, families, courts, enemies, allies, etc.) for the “New World” that’s coming.
Nightfall:
“Elena sent up a final prayer on a pillar of smoke rising from the valley floor that the unborn, faraway scions of this night, heirs to a burden that would doom or save Erilea, would forgive her for what she was about to do.”
Elena I don’t know if I can forgive you for what you’re about to do😅😅 the plan here is long coming, as Lysandras “theory” further confirms:
"The more it seems like this was all planned, laid out long ago. Erawan had decades before Aelin was born to strike decades during which no one with her powers, or Dorian's powers, existed to challenge him. Yet, as fate or fortune would have it, he moves now. At a time when a Fire-Bringer walks the earth." It was all horrifying, impossible, but—so much of their lives defied logic or normalcy. The shifter next to him proved that. "Morath is unleashing its horrors," Lysandra said. "Maeve stirs across the sea. Two goddesses walk hand in hand with Aelin. More than that, Mala and Deanna have watched over her the entirety of her life. But perhaps it wasn't watching. Perhaps it was ... shaping. So they might one day unleash her, too. And I wonder if the gods have weighed the costs of that storm. And deemed the casualties worth it."
& previous lines on “all the players in the unfinished game” (I’m getting S&B Ruin & Rising vibes (for those of you Grishaverse fans; which btw one of these days I need a whole post about parallels & these two series, cause just the stag and lord of the north alone. I AM INTRIGUED & do love both fandoms ;-) + I think the crows would fit so well & it would be wonderfully & utterly chaotic🤣).
So, my general concern is this theory & warning everyone keeps giving Aelin about “the price”; from Rolfe’s tattoo map & warning question: “"That was the price of my power. What shall yours be, Aelin Galathynius?" She didn't reply to him before storming out. Though Deanna's voice had echoed in her mind. The Queen Who Was Promised.” To clever Elide’s question: “Was that the price for the humans they'd once been-magic that was somehow immune to what flowed naturally in this world? Or had the choice been taken from them, as surely as their souls had been stolen, too?” to crucial warnings like Brannon: “We burn not just within our magic, but also in our very souls. For better or worse.” & the danger continuing to grow like that of the FULL Deanna scene:
“And she said to him, in a voice that was deep and hollow, young and old, "Every key has a lock. Tell the Queen Who Was Promised to retrieve it soon, for all the allies in the world shall make no difference if she does not wield the Lock, if she does not put those keys back with it. Tell her flame and iron, together bound.”
She is the one, she has to get the lock, and she will have to pay the price for both (her ancestors & the darkness created in centuries of Erawan); one that will be heavy (one Elena failed to do; and I somewhat worry is because while she did sacrifice herself, her friends, her people, her kingdom, even letting Brannon fall to ruin (Brannon; the only one who ever successfully sealed it, because he sacrificed her mother, his love, “My mother died to forge that Lock!”) she did not let Gavriel “that which she most loved” fall; she tried to do it alone & was left with no option but to leave it to someone else; another era, another heir); now Aelin carries every thread, plot, battle aligning; the power she wields & sheer force of it, the weight of her crown & every choice it comes with, the price it will demand (the one she has spent a lifetime running from; “my crown is just another set of shackles”; the one Mala may have been shaping her to be able to make even through experiencing tragedy & turbulence in decisions over & over again). The warning in every choice; including the person she loves most (Rowan’s fear of “The people you love are just weapons used against you.”) “This thing between them, the force of it, could devour the world.” Her terror in that; struggling to allow them to go for the front lines while she survives, no longer alone & no longer able to take it all on, but struggling to let them in on the “master plan”. Struggling because even as she does, it weighs on them too: “Aelin was trembling, a hand on her friend-face so white and drawn that any harsh words he'd reserved for her were unnecessary. His queen knew the cost. It had taken her so damn long to trust any of them to do anything. If Aedion roared at her now, even if he still yearned to ... Aelin might never delegate again. Because if Lysandra hadn't been in the water when things had gone so, so badly…” And they do see it; the on-growing burden on Aelin’s shoulders & how she’s carrying the weight of it; both as a queen (despite her current lack of crown) another long-coming plot; as spoken by Chaol: “There she was, that queen looking out at him, a hint of the ruler she was becoming. And it knocked the breath out of him, because it made him feel so strangely young-when she now seemed so old.” And turning her desperate & weary; heavier slowly: “Since Rowan had gone, since word of Rifthold's fall had arrived, Aelin had been half present. Distant.” line after line “She'd grown quieter the farther north they'd traveled. Perhaps weeks on the road had sapped her.” They fear for her “And he wondered if Aelin was somehow watching the archipelago, and the seas, and the skies, as if she might never see them again.” for the price of such powers “We have yet to see the full extent of Erowan’s darkness. And I think we have yet to see the full extent of Aelin’s fire.” & They try to help “After tonight, depending on what the lords reported he'd try to find her a quiet place to rest for a day or two before they made the last leg of the trek to Orynth.” desperate to stop it “"She's not some unwitting pawn." He'd defy the gods, find a way to slaughter them, if they threatened Aelin, if they deemed these lands a worthy sacrifice to defeat the Dark King.” to protect her “Rowan at her right, Aedion at her left, Lysandra at her back; nothing and no one would get to their queen.” all the while they know they cannot as Rowan’s line painfully says: “This was war. These lands would endure far worse in the coming days and months. His queen, no matter how he tried to shield her, would endure far worse.” (Also the key word endure, frequently used for the “lost children of Terrasen” as I call their grouping). To even Aelin’s own words “She was a liar, and a murderer, and a thief, and Aelin had a feeling she'd be called much worse by the end of this war.”
This is where I fear Nightfall will come to rise in Fire-Heart:
I say all of this to say I get concerned when Maas feels the need to start a book with such warning; in both the price, and person paying it… Aelin is too much like Elena… Celaena has lost too much to lose anyone else (“And she would not add another name of her beloved dead to her flesh.” — “"We'll get her back, Aelin." "I can't bury another friend." "You won't."”)… and carrying it so heavily I worry she may overpay her share on their behalf’s. And between that & the many conflicting & star aligning forces of Rowaelin I worry the conflicts may grow; originally it was him not feeling “enough” for her because he’s a Prince not a King, he has no money no land no army (thankfully we are done with that piece because he can give her everything🥹 of his heart and that’s all she needs). We have the inevitable Maeve’s vendetta. We have my growing fear with the Carranam bond getting drained; like it almost did with Deanna. And the quotes all warning that their world may lead to another being destroyed, one or the other; “This thing between them, the force of it, could devour the world. And if they picked it, picked them, it might very well cause the end of it.”
… and though this isn’t due to Nightfall I am just concerned (I try to avoid spoilers (and continue to do so); but I already know it’s got a cliffhanger) and I have read enough Maas books (and just fandoms in general) to fear the 1-2 punch of “THEY’RE ALL GONNA DIE😱 — PSYCH😜 THEY ARE ALL FINE😅 — JUST KIDDING EVERYONE YOU LOVE IS DEAD!☠️” + the amount of possible brainwashing between Valg, Wyrdstones, and now gods… I’m just nervous (& still not 100% sure someone isn’t already secretly possessed).
MY DO NOT KILL LIST IS GETTING TOO LONG: From ASTERIN (scared me half to death SARAH) & Manon + 13 (obvi💁‍♀️), Abraxos & Fleetfoot & Evangeline (had to break my “no Google” rule to assure the latter twos safety *phew*), Aelin & Rowan (DON’T YOU EVEN DARE), Lysandra, Aedion, Dorian (HE’S BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH; STOP HURTING HIM), Elide (just let her be happy & home & make Marion proud dammit), Chaol (he’s not even here & I’m still a little mad BUT STILL) & Yrene (she hasn’t even fully come in yet & I don’t care I love her already) + Nesryn who babe, you know I love you, but I need more history & perspective to trust you fully (you seem cool, but I’m worried the lack of knowledge about you means your gonna lie or die, & it’s just too soon after Sorscha), Emrys (your safe in Mistward; STAY THERE), Sam (beloved, you’re still on this list; even though I know how it ended, & really do LOVE Rowaelin, I just still miss you; & want a Multiverse of happy endings for EVERYONE).
— HOWEVER —
I hope Fire-Heart will bring:
More Manorian; and let’s be honest ALL the ships (+ it could get realll literal with the set-up right now😂 the ships are LITERALLY sailing🤣) of course I CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH ROWAELIN (though Fire-Bringer was great 🥵 THEY FINALLY SAID I LOVE YOU🥹👏) & I am SO HERE FOR Lysandra & Aedion! … also what’s up with Elide & Lorcan? (Her last name + his first name TOO SIMILAR😂)
More interactions in general between all the characters from ships, to friendships, to even enemies (who often also become friends😂) honestly might be my fav part about this book so far; seeing it all line up & crossover; (from aforementioned Elide & Lorcan), (to previous & hopefully again soon) Manon & Aelin, the FULL team with THE THIRTEEN (Asterin & our crew would be absolute chaos & I would love every second of it), Sorrel too! AND VESTA! Petrah Blueblood (I find her VERY interesting as a character), Elide & the “lost children of Terrassen” finally meeting; maybe some more Ren & Bane updates (cause I wonder about them & what their up to) to Abraxos & Fleetfoot (PLEASE I NEED THIS… just don’t eat eachother😅😂) & yes I do STILL miss Evangeline & Fleetfoot; though I am happy they are safe; while the fire trick was cool it was SO not sustainable, & I do trust Murtaugh… and these full circles; Ansel’s (presumed) reintroduction & the TAB throw-backs/crossovers (plus NOW Crochans?). —
Exploring things of the sort; what is the other side of the “Crochan’s tale”, what is Elide’s true bloodline, how does the new Mala knowledge effect Aelin & Dorian?
Who are the Cadre (& learning more of their history; both with Aedion & Gavriel (that blood oath better not pass to children), Lorcan (Elide is already helping there thankfully) the other twin because I already stan Fenrys, and really Rowan because who are they really? Despite the “blood oath” reasoning they spent centuries together there has to be more to it). I want to get to know the twins & their whole Yin & Yang balance; also what is Fenrys power? (why does Rowan let him go after Aelin in the water instead, he must be pretty dang powerful & more so than Rowan to be her best option in his eyes)! What other histories does Rowan have (are the “witches” one of them)? What else is Maeve (I will never trust her) hiding?
Why is Erowan this way (who really killed Aelin’s parents)? Are we POSITIVE the Ilken aren’t the creatures Elide saw in the basement (wow that sounds extra ominous😂)?
Will Chaol show up (how is his team & the southern allies coming along)?
What is the limitation to Lysandra’s powers (can they find a way to trick the Terrasen flower into “blooming”)?
Is their further crossover between these series (ACOTAR & CC)?
Explain further how certain things work such as mates (Rowan has two? Celaena/Aelin too maybe? & what that means for others)… And just a lil’ fluff (Rowan & Fleetfoot, the team all together, shenanigans & some side plots for funsies) maybe?…
I theorize Fire-Heart will:
Confirm Rowaelin as mates (they practically have already but I want to hear the words). Plus plenty more of them just being them (their every moment is so detailed & precious). Maybe even some more moments with Prince of Doranelle vibes ;-)
Show that there are multiple Carranams (possibly a dyad between Aelin & Dorian. Rowan & Aelin being the mates balance; making Aelin & Dorian the “friendship / rulers / fates” balance). & Without a limit to their power; the danger of over-draining others (Deanna causing Rowan to feel “thunder steal his magic” is CONCERNING & Dorian’s magic is hungry for it).
Confirm that Aelin can use shadowfire, moonfire, & power without limit. Explore her other gifts such as water & healing. Possibly introduce her as a powerful enough wielder to use all the forms (as briefly referenced as a possibility among others before).
Confirm Lysandra & Aedion as mates or at least a couple. (Also use it to explore Aedion’s history & introduce the Bane or at least their set-up).
Bring back the Mycenians since Lysandra & Aelin’s masterplan worked (THE DRAGON THEORY WAS RIGHT)!
Set sail on Manorian in a way that is explanatory/foreshadowing. (Possibly tap into Dorian’s immortality? & power exploration explanations. And go into Manon’s ability to forge a new alliance of peace between MANY groups; not because I’m suggesting the sexist “get married” nonsense so many are giving Aelin, literally just that she could speak on behalf of many groups & since Darrow has brought diplomatic debates into this war it could be an asset).
Introduce Ansel, and perhaps loop back to the Red Desert (unless the Silent Assassins have disappeared). Showing all of Celaena as we see all of Aelin (letting Rowan know even more of her, healing those wounds as he & her family fully accept her; hopefully doing the same thing for them; going through more history). & Similarly with Rowan; possibly saving the Cadre’s lives through it (or at least stopping Lorcans “execution”).
Tie in the spider silk, between Abraxos’s wings (Manon’s “stealing”), & Aelin’s Red Desert history deals. If not in this book than KoA.
Explain Maeve’s obsession with Aelin & vendetta against the family.
Aelin reclaiming her crown by having the heart of her people (we’ve seen “the future”, there is a woman with hair like moonlight; I think this is Manon. The people chant for her, she is their Queen and that is her court; including the witch).
I think Aelin (like Manon & the other golden eyed 13) are Valg proof. She has the golden eye ring of the Ashryver eyes… in that case maybe Aedion too?? (Hopefully🥺… I mean why else would history write a poem about it?) … While I’m at it let’s make Lysandra’s shifting immune too (protect all my bb’s)!😂
Reveal the Wyrdstone Elide carries as THE Lock (between her last name having the word lock😂 or “loch” I guess, the magic not being immediately recognized as a Wyrdkey by Lorcan, & Kaltain’s promise/importance with an explanation for the “living gate” term). Then when she reaches them so does the thread of fate (once again).
Go to Ellywe & both heal/break my soul (all this travel has made it inevitable; though it is cool to see more of the continents of this fictional world etc.)!🙃
Not something I truly believe but one I wonder on; is there a relation between either Rowan & Manon (history or hair color related😂) or Aelin & Manon (some sort of blood relation; the gold eyes & power levels?).
Not theories but things I think need to happen ASAP: STOP WEARING THE WYRDKEY as a necklace AELIN I DON’T care if it’s a “family heirloom” IT’S A BAD IDEA (have you not seen Harry Potter? — sry for another reference, but seriously DON’T WEAR HORCRUX LOCKETS folks)! Tell Elide the full truth; Celaena = Aelin (at least Lorcan is getting close). Commit to immortality (I’m looking at you Aelin & Aedion; esp. Aelin… ROWAN NEEDS THIS; the only time I will ever encourage a woman to “settle”😂)! Address the very long list of “things for later/back burner” because I can’t keep track😂 & they are all WAY too important😅, dangerous😬, and THE LIST IS LONG SO HURRY UP Y’ALL😁!!!
— NOW ONTO THE “ACTUALLY” READ “BIG PORTION😂 —
The Fire-Bringer:
A lot of reactions have random posts; per usual many of the opinions change with hindsight, but I like being able to look back & enjoy it for the first time so (while I do try to give an update) I’ll probably leave the posts up :-) hoping to get a few lil (by that I mean pages jk sry not sry lol I warned you) notes I’m pondering on in here though…
I love the Little Folk’s little but magical role:😊 when (not if; I’m gonna will it into reality with terminology) this gets an adaptation I can’t wait to see them! — I really love the fan art & its many different takes for what they may be all the way from fairy’s, to wisps, to “baby-Groot”-like characters! … I also wonder if they could help out with that “rulers flower thing” possibly, same as pondered for Lysandra (I think these “little things” will be keys to helping Aelin with “dum-dum Darrow” (as I’ve dubbed him; cause I’m angry! & it may be only a 1st read impression as of right now, but he’s also given me 0 reason to like him).
The Oakwald forest: EVERYONE IS SO CLOSE yet SO FAR! (At least Manon has finally made it to the team… well kinda… she better actually MAKE IT past the ship drop-off… if you can call it that?😅 this is why I need to type fast & go read!) If Tower of Dawn manages to match this pace of “just-missed, kinda-crossover” I see why the tandem read would work! It’s quite fun (& semi-irritating/anxiety-inducing but in a good way😂).
Speaking (writing?😂) of Manon: TALK ABOUT IMMEDIATE CHAOS, each of her chapters have been SO intense. I might have cried with her the most so far; I legitimately almost lost it over Asterin’s almost execution & The Thirteen (I AM VERY GLAD THEY FINALLY LEFT THE MATRON & got out so they can please be safe now; or at least they already are in my mind; though last we saw them it was all chaos, they were running (a win) & the shadows seemed to confirm them getting out (another good sign) while Asterin being dragged off screaming isn’t great I think she was shouting for Manon because she didn’t want to leave her… & I refuse to accept any other answer) only problem is Manon is not with them; & she really needs to be😅😅😭 instead of half-dead in the woods, hunted by a banshee-hound-thing? Abraxos honey, thank you for taking care of mother🥹😂 at least she is with the team on the same-ish side now. So, hopefully Abraxos will go grab the rest of The Thirteen while he drops Manon off? I NEED THE WHOLE GANG; I mean Erawan & Maeve are screwed in that case. Esp. since most of them are Valg proof golden eyed; & also have you seen these gals fight? … Honestly, I think they are one of the great shows of good writing in these books; because these characters could easily be read as villains & psychopaths to be hated, yet they manage to be a compelling, interesting, group of female badassery & sisterhood, that really captures your heart (pun intended). HOWEVER, I say all of this Spoiler-free while not oblivious; I have 2 &1/2 books left (wow that’s numbers too small I’m gonna get sad😅😂) I know people say this ending is a hard, & a book of cliffhangers… So, if this is “just” the beginning it can only get crazier😅 (I just don’t want to know; I want to think this will be like ACOTAR with no deaths as long as I can believe it) & even with the Matron’s probable on-it’s-way “dispatch”, they managed to hide Asterin for years. My main concern is Sorrel & Vesta as they’ve been given enough time to love them, yet not enough time for a full arc, I can’t have any red shirts & I’m a little worried for them (but I just wanna love them as long as I can🥹).
I’m so glad I was right; from day ONE I’ve been wondering about Aedion & Lysandra cause *coughs* I mean their first scene together ever… she’s changing his shirt… and now the whole “wandering off to give Rowaelin time” which while a fair-ish excuse it is also a little ;-) ;-) … and now that he’s said he’s gonna marry her “Because I am going to marry you," he promised her. "One day. I am going to marry you.”… I’m counting it (why is it giving New Girl CeCe & Schmidt?😂)
But in all seriousness ship-ness aside I appreciate their friendship; the understanding of each-other with a healthier trauma bond (for all they cannot say, yet carry so heavily; all the shame & fear Aedion is wrestling with; & the steady acceptance Lysandra gives) I loved them both as is, but together is something precious & nice to see develop (while staying slow, taking time, surety of respectful). While at times it feels fast, it makes complete sense (esp. as we don’t get their perspectives as frequently, & with the knowledge that mates can be pretty immediate; even if it’s not “said”; it tracks).
Though it hurt (& was also kinda healthily valid) to hear Aedion be angry with Aelin, it also says a lot about how much he cares for Lysandra (as Aelin often can “do no wrong in his eyes”) to be angry in the first place “And for the first time, he hated his cousin. He hated Aelin for asking this of Lysandra, both to defend them and to secure the Mycenians to fight for Terrasen. Hated the people who had left such scars on the shifter that Lysandra was so willing to throw her life away. Hated ... hated himself for being stuck in this useless tower.” While also knowing it’s not her fault, it is her choice, but it also had to be (he at least knows that & does cut her slack). “He was shaking now, that rage indeed taking over. But Rowan snarled at him, low and vicious, "Save it for later." Aedion growled right back at him. Rowan gave him a cold, steady look that said if he so much as began to hint at what their queen carried, he'd rip out his tongue. Literally. Aedion shoved down the anger. "We can't carry her, and she's too weak to shift." "Then we wait here until she can," Aelin said. But her eyes drifted to the bay, and to the city beyond, still cheering. victory—but very nearly a loss. The remnants of the Mycenians, saved by one of their long-lost sea dragons. Aelin and Lysandra had woven ancient prophecies into tangible fact. "I'll stay," Aedion said. "You deal with Rolfe." "Fine," he said. Aelin groaned, getting to her feet, but stared down at him before she took Rowan's extended hand. She said softly, "I'm sorry." Aedion knew she meant it. He still didn't bother replying.” & knows (because Lysandra makes him better; as she already reminds him with her knowing compassion): “"That man has endured enough, Aedion. A little kindness wouldn't kill you." "He stabbed Aelin. If you knew him as I have, you wouldn't be so willing to fawn over. "No one expects you to fawn over him. But a kind word, some respect-" He rolled his eyes. "Keep your voice down." She did- but went on, "He was violated, and even if you cannot draw up forgiveness for stabbing Aelin against his own will, then try to have some compassion for that." — Aedion snarled at her. Lysandra snarled right back and held his stare with the face not trained or built for bedrooms, but the true one beneath—wild and unbroken and indomitable. No matter what body she wore, she was the Staghorns given form, the heart of Oakwald Aedion said hoarsely, "I'll try." "Try harder. Try better."”)
& Then moments like him asking her to come with him to meet Gavriel, & she simply does. Or that she trusts him to carry her home, vulnerable & tired. I think they give a lot of what the other needs while growing to be who they are themselves. Plus Lysandra deserves to be a leopard princess, sister-in-law(ish) to Aelin. “Princess Lysandra Ashryver sounds nice, doesn't it?” YES IT DOES!
Speaking of Lysandra (who is seriously one of my all time favorites; I relate, I adore her, and really it just doesn’t get better then all of these characters) I WAS RIGHT ABOUT LYSANDRA BEING A DRAGON!!! GENIUS!! And also LYSANDRA WAS A DRAGON!!!!!! I love her & Aelin’s plotting (which also gets kinda Kaz Brekker vibes sometimes; she is so brilliant, & the fact Lysandra just piles into the shenanigans; I love them). TALK ABOUT POWER! Also what fun genius for mythology… winning the people’s hearts… etc. …if only she could turn into a flower… and making that moment the first perspective we have from her in this book was so fun! Shoutout to @ asexualzucchini for fandoming about this with me (heads up again cause I know your on a first read too; THIS POST HAS SPOILERS for Pt. 1 ;-)
ELIDE & LORCAN; a team-up I was NOT expecting, yet find SO intriguing. From highlighting Elide (which is well deserved) esp. in her truest strength; smarts (her & Annabeth Chase would’ve been besties) and as something even Lorcan sees & values greatly, extra fun as in combo to his physical strength it’s a pretty perfect team (& a helpful combo for storytelling because you see his perspective which is of course very different then spoken threats from Rowaelin perspectives ONLY; & of course once again while I’m curious to learn more on the Cadre; esp. since Lorcan often to me just seems angry to have “lost” his friend). And I do love the boundaries they respect (even as an unknown dare I say “anti-hero”? Lorcan still has some clear moral lines (& I generally appreciate that in the Maasverse that everyone except the worst of the worst can agree where those are) he also keeps his word a VERY intriguing piece of his character), also the representation they give (go team disability represent!) + small girlies hanging out w big brooding boys (there’s my “kitty” style reference for you Aelin lol). Also funny cause eventually they’re gonna end up in the same place😂 P.S. him calling her MARION (gut-wrenching), Crochan history (very curious), etc. IT’S JUST ALL SO INTRIGUING! … Now if we could only have an empowering crossover so she can go talk to Feyre & realize she’s already intelligent, powerful, & capable, & not being able to read has no effect on that!! (while we’re at it & I’m on a crow comparison kick; go hug Wylan please).
Another team up I didn’t expect but surprisingly loved most was Dorian & Rowan’s roadtrip through Rifthold (new movie adaptation idea?😂):
Dorian, Dorian, Dorian where do I begin? — I love him. I think he might be the most morally grounded character (odd as that sounds for someone that was recently possessed). He would be a good king, because most important he’s just a good man. My heart breaks for him, he’s seen a lot without time or space to deal with it (it’s just adding up; “The latter, Dorian realized, usually happened when even the heat and sun couldn't drive away the shadows of the past few months—when he awoke with his sweat feeling like Sorscha's blood, when he couldn't abide even the brush of his tunic against his neck.”); yet he still gives everything he can to his friends, his people, his country (& Rowan gives & takes care of him too (another Aelin paralell/foreshadowing; “"You're not going to believe me," Aelin went on. "What l've just said, you're not going to believe me. I know it--and that's fine. I don't expect you to. When you're ready, I'll be here.”) ; “He wasn't sure whether to thank the Fae Prince for noticing or to hate him for the kindness.” — Because Rowan knows; “"You're going to hate the world, Dorian. You are going to hate yourself. You will hate your magic, and you will hate any moment of peace or happiness. But I had the luxury of a kingdom at peace and no one depending upon me. You do not."”); and somehow Dorian just remains good and kind even when the world is not. He may carry more, but it is never an excuse for him; he sets aside his pride, humbled, un-selfish, caring, and really trying. (remarkable enough that even Rowan notices & takes note; “I have known many kings in my life, Dorian Havilliard. And it was a rare man indeed who asked for help when he needed it, who would put aside pride.”) And I also appreciate that he is cared for in this, seen for who he is; respected in it (FINALLY said quite well in: “Rowan knew most underestimated the sharp intelligence under that disarming smile. Knew that Dorian's value wasn't his godlike magic, but his mind”)
And getting the friends & care he deserves, like Aelin who kept her word “I came back for you. "You both came back,"” (he is her friend, she does care for him) as it’s shown because she went so far as to send Rowan (someone she would NEVER risk; “"I will save him," he murmured. "I wouldn't ask this of you unless it was ... Dorian is vital. Lose him, and we lose any support in Adarlan." And one of the few magic-wielders who could stand against Morath. Rowan's nod was grim. "I serve you, Aelin. Do not apologize for putting me to use." Because only Rowan, riding the winds with his magic, could reach Rifthold in time. Even now, he might be too late. Aelin swallowed hard, fighting the feeling that the world was being ripped from under her feet.” (When she says “losing support” she pauses; because really it’s about losing Dorian her friend, remember she’s always coming from the mindset of “she will not write another name on her scars” almost to the level of her “I will not be afraid mantra” fading in from QoS in this first EoS quarter) so she wouldn’t risk him even in leaving her side (which props to Maas for breaking a typical VERY possessive YA trait; even at the cost of a promise-ish from the last book; “Next time we need to save the world, we do it together. Deal.”). & keeps keeping that promise to save him; not only to keep her word, but keep her friend. Along the way he so easily becomes Rowan’s friend, thawing the ice by just being a decent guy (that says a lot for a centuries old Prince of stoic brooding). I love the genuine respect they have for each other; the time they take (even short as it is) to have a mini-boat therapy session because they needed it; it says a lot about the two of them as good men; the way they help each-other, plan & train together (Dorian even has time to understand Aelin’s time away with a new compassion😅😅 “Honestly, Dorian had no idea how Aelin had survived months of this--let alone fallen in love with the warrior while she did. Though he supposed both the queen and prince possessed a sadistic streak that made them compatible” & even see Rowan get a taste of the Celaena Sardothien world & find he has similar sass). vice-versa you also see someone valuing Rowan’s strength, strategy, personality beyond warrior or prince, without any of this “male pride chest-puffing instinct”. And the way despite the change in new healthier friendships you also have the original ones growing with them “"And will keep changing," she said, squeezing his arm once. "But... There are things that won't change. I will always be your friend." His throat bobbed. "I wish I could see her, just one last time. To tell her... to say what was in my heart." "She knows," Aelin said, blinking against the burning in her eyes. "I'll miss you," Dorian said. "Though I doubt the next time we meet will be in such …civilized circumstances." She tried not to think about it. He gestured over her shoulder to her court. "Don't make them too miserable. They're only trying to help you."” It helps both him and them; like the team they need to be & are finding a way in: “"We'll figure it out." She loosed a breath. "But your being king is the first step of it."” Like the Queens & Kings they have been becoming for a world slowly building; starting with the fact he is one of the good men that do exist (like Nehemia & Celaena said) and as already shown: “Ten years later, and they were all sitting together at a table again--no longer children, but rulers of their own territories. Ten years later, and here they were, friends despite the forces that had shattered and destroyed them. Aelin looked at the kernel of hope glowing in that dining room and lifted her glass. "To a new world," the Queen of Terrasen said. The King of Adarlan lifted his glass, such endless shadows dancing in his eyes, but--there. A glimmer of life. "To freedom."” esp. as he helps raise up women in positions of power to do so as well! (We love a King ally)
Much like Aelin growing into a queen you see the shift as Dorian becomes a King. “Never again. Never again would he be weak and useless and frightened.” (From a quote I appreciated and found Nesta paralells in). “To her surprise, a king smiled back.” And I just hope somewhere along the way Dorian also finds his happy ending much like our queen is slowly finding a way too (like Rowan said; “You will find your way, too, Dorian. You'll find your way out.”); I think Manon is promising, I think he finally has a real family, & he’s learning his power which is good; his already Kingly skills also come in handy, they needed a diplomat. And for two characters I love so much, a genre that rarely shows good friendships between so many characters and guys having emotions and bonding beyond a love interest trope… I just loved it! p.s. thanks again @ mysterylilycheeta for fandoming about this one with me (and many others :-)
Now speaking of Dorian quotes (plus I needed a transition lol) much like Dorian I do sometimes miss Chaol; “"You know," he said, "sometimes I wish Chaol were here to help me. And then sometimes I'm glad he's not, so he wouldn't be at risk again. I'm glad he's in Antica with Nesryn.”while also being glad he’s off somewhere else… not just ‘cause of the injury (I actually hope they don’t make that THE “problem”, at least in the sense of making him “useless”. While healing in a magical realm is a useful skill, representation of disabled characters in the read world is also really important & still super kick-ass & powerful)… So, I’m glad he’s gone not for that but for the fact I think his mentality would conflict right now (& while Aelin isn’t always right; & does sometimes need a check as Aedion aforementioned & does this at least better thank Chaol in timing & how) + most of the time ya kinda need to just “keep calm & trust the process” because while “the gods may have some “masterplan” & only Aelin can outsmart & outplan them (you just have to let her go for it)… and hopefully Elide will be there to help soon!
Now speaking of good friends, & the rest of this post from “threads of fate”, to really loving characters, friendships, relationships (even most of my favorite quotes) it’s time to address THE SHIP because there is ROWAELIN. TRULY WHERE DO I START? I love them. They are perfect. Nothing can break them (Nothing better try). I love the peace & hope they hold for the other (they want more together, for each other; to live.). The balance they carry; especially when one is down, the other lifts them up (even rapidly flipping; I’m a few Chapters into Part 2 (spoiler sentence)🚨 & there’s the moment where it goes from her being on fire & him waking her from her nightmares, to him so panicked to save her he’s freezing the room & she’s soothing him). The way they are so alike, & shown even more so (as I’ve briefly mentioned) in this book (Rowan having some Celaena moments, her taking on a leader & diplomatic role, learning to control water & him teaching her to heal, exploring each others histories & a growing team of friends for & with them) & VERY different (they are the balance even in what they do share; for instance a scene I think on frequently: when Rowan leaves to go get Dorian, and Aelin cannot let him go. Right there she uses very specific words; she does not ask him to stay instead she says she cannot let him go; because she knows asking him to stay (like Lyria had begged) would kill him or telling him “he’s leaving her” would utterly destroy them both. And he does the same; he distracts her (knows what she needs) takes a moment for them (stops the clock) kisses her and then leaves before she opens her eyes in a flash, so she does not have to watch him leave (again), or (be the one to) walk away from him (he knows she already used all of her will to even have him go in the first place, she cannot ask anything more or she will not ask at all), or run again. They both are feeling the same thing, while understanding the differences they have experienced, they take the notice to love the other the way they need & the only way they can). Part of it stems from something I’ve adressed on the blog before, the honesty they share; and desperately needed. Or have discussed with other fans in beyond that the fact they trust, they can have it all on the table, and respect what has to be kept. Part is the fact they are the others soulmate (waiting for those words: “mate” to “officially” & finally seal what we ALL know by now😂). Another being the threads of fate every character keeps seeing; they are VERY tightly bound beyond separation; for better or worse a tangled knot that can not be undone.
The way in that they would fight by the others side, live & die together, for each-other. They would save the world for each-other (like Rowan jumping in front of the moonfire because he knew her fiery soul; “"No!" The word was a roar, a plea, and silver and green flashed in her vision. A name. A name clanged through her as he hurled himself in the path of that fist, that moonfire, not just to save those innocents in the city, but to spare her soul from the agony if she destroyed them all-Rowan.” — “"If you had destroyed that city, it would have destroyed you, and any sort of hope at an alliance."”) It goes beyond taking a bullet for the other, it goes to taking a bullet from the other (you see that side a lot in HoF). They would save the other for the world (like he says, the world needs alliances; because he knows it needs her, his queen). Or the other from the world; “And as his face became clear, his tattoo stark in the sun, as that fist full of unimaginable power now opened toward his heart-There was no force in any world that could keep her contained.” Together, to whatever end. They would even destroy it for the other; “But if it was death separating us … I would find you. I don’t care how many rules it would break. Even if I had to get all three keys myself and open a gate, I would find you again. Always.” They deserve something that’s an always, known, world & gods defying. And while I appreciate the way they defend each other, I also appreciate the way they defend their friends together; it may be them to whatever end, but it’s also not just them against the world (more so for the world?) they may be capable of destroying the world for each other, still they choose to give everything to save it. They choose each other, they continue to do so, to accept, to be honest. “Even if this thing between them ... even if he knew it was not mere lust, or even just love. This thing between them, the force of it, could devour the world. And if they picked it, picked them, it might very well cause the end of it.” they have a powerful love (one that is quite literally more powerful together). I love that scene too, the carranam; the way he steadies her (he knows why the manacles scare her, knows how to help her breathe despite it; “she is not afraid”), trusts her (she could kill them both, but he believes in her, always has, even before she believed in herself) gives her his power (talk about a feminist ally😂 he literally uses his power to give her more power), and she blazes the world (better & worse); she trusts him enough for the irons (something she may have killed someone else for), she trusts his trust in her (it empowers her metaphorically too), trusts him to save her from herself; trusts him which as this line shows; “"You trust nothing. She met his eyes. "I trust you."” is almost a miracle in itself. I love the easy rhythm they fall into like breathing, simple domesticity (even among war), natural understanding (soulmates), gentle unconditional stubborn & unchanging love that simply is. & is accepted as such. Learning more of their history in parallels & new perspectives, tales & legends, chaos & opposites (especially opposed in power) FIRE & ICE and remains the “meant to be” Carranam; though one of a kind it also understands itself in being love among grief, giving it the ability to see & soothe the unhealthy internal monologues… in a way that’s honestly kinda healing to read; I love their quotes, I love their scenes, I love their characters, I just love them.
It’s been fun to see more Aelin as Aelin, (and I’m not meaning “The one in green smiled, but for all its delight, all its wicked mischief ... It was a softer smile, made with a mouth that was perhaps less used to snarling and teeth-baring and getting away with saying hideous, swaggering things. Lysandra, then. The two queens faced Rolfe.” Lysandra twin-swap scene 😂) the way Celaena is now recognized as a part to play; “You met Aelin when she was still pretending to be Celaena” — “Because it was Celaena who sat here-for whatever purpose, it was Celaena Sardothien in this room.” from the way Rowan helped & accepted her all along. Rowan has always been her protector, her guard, her best champion, fiercest warrior & love, her dearest friend, her everything. It’s the one that saw all & loved anyways “to have one person who knew the absolute truth about her--and didn't hate her for it.” — “I see you, I see every part of you. And I am not afraid.” he is not afraid of her; the first time she’s ever had that… Something she desperately needs as someone so fear-based… She went from being a child who was never not afraid; she was taught to fear her power, fear the secret coming free, because she would be persecuted; because her people would not love her for what she was; she was protected against it and taught her powers weren’t to be trusted. She spent so long burying herself… Arobynn taught her that; created a world of only that for her to exist in, only to survive never to live. And as I’ve said before I LOVE SAM, I truly think he would have accepted her without flinching (I love & believe in the many soulmates for many lives theories; he was Celaena’s) but over & over again the saddest four words of almost they never had time. Thinking someone would love you “even if” is different that getting to experience it, she was still afraid he would turn her in or turn away, he would judge her as she judged herself, or didn’t know “how dark she could go”; like he was too good and she would drag him down. And here is Rowan: the one person who could stop her (the dark comfort she takes in knowing he could save the world if she endangered it; “That is how I was able to stand before the King of Adarlan, how I was able to befriend his son and his captain, how I was able to live in that palace. Because I did not give that rage, those memories, one inch. And right now I am looking for the tools that might destroy my enemy, and I cannot let out the monster, because it will make me use those tools against the king, not put them back as I should--and I might very well destroy the world for spite. So that is why l must be Celaena, not Aelin--because being Aelin means facing those things, and unleashing that monster. Do you understand?”) and doesn’t think that of her; “For whatever it's worth, I don't think you would destroy the world from spite.”
To the moment on the beach that strikes me again & again; Aelin in her rawest state (inner child & traumatized immortal), sobbing, unclothed (a very important detail not because of the rest of Chapter 38 spice but because of the psychological component; she is stripped down to her core at her worst, most vulnerable, visibly terrified uncomfortable state; it’s more like a nightmare of giving a speech & realizing your the only one without clothes), on fire (no hidden power or sense of control), unleashing an entire storm (after almost destroying the world; her world; even against her will); because she is Aelin Ashryver Galathynius “the rightful heir of fire” and Queen of Terrasen; she has been “Adarlans Assassin” & a “King’s Champion” Lillian, Elentiya, Celaena… all of these names… and yet, she is still afraid. And she cannot stop it; she is trying & failing, feeling every step backwards for every step she takes, she is running to nowhere, she is lost. And then there is Rowan. Rowan, who walked to the creak to see her, and went loudly so she would know & not be afraid. Rowan who knows when she needs to let off steam (literally) & has been burned & still does not turn away from her. Rowan who now is “silent as death” because he knows her mind is already screaming enough for the both of them. Rowan who follows her; over & over, unflinching, returning, staying, seeing, & still believing in her (even before she believed in herself; even when she cannot). She is begging for anyone that listens to take the job & all its “blessings & burdens of power”, wishing for a bottom to the endless abyss of her power, drowning in it; helpless in her own strength, because she does not trust herself (how can she when she can’t even be herself; not just Celaena; but Deanna), trying to run from herself. And Rowan who sees, hears, knows; and only cares about her. Choosing her. Loving her. Telling her those words. Arguing against the voices in her head for her; making her feel for a moment that maybe somehow she’s worth it (or at least too lucky to care even if she’s not). Because he has every reason to go; he knows what he could lose (even as they stand there; he is still shaken & terrified; he just saw a god steal the woman he loves from her own mind; he has no idea how to fight that & bring her back) He has lost that; felt it for centuries The world may be the price, they may be the price, they are in the middle of a war waged & waiting for hundreds of years; and he does not care. He only cares about her; better & worse. And she is not alone; never again. Reminding her that she can be both, staying on the road. As he says (a quote that made me cry): “You and I will learn to manage your power together. You do not face this alone; you do not decide that you are unlovable because you have powers that can save and destroy. If you start to resent that power… I don’t know where we go on that road.” And when she voices it, that fear (that brought me to tears); you’re just crazy for loving me.“"Because I'm the only one arrogant and insane enough to ask Mala Fire-Bringer to let me stay with the woman I love. Her flames turned to pure gold at the words-at that word. But she said, "Perhaps you're just the only one arrogant and insane enough to love me."” He simply, firmly, undoubtably, says no. … And when the times comes; when he creates a snow storm of his own (& destroys half a forrest😂) she just laughs, holds him closer, kisses him again. As she says; “who would not look at those flames with any ounce of fear.” as anyone else would have. They aren’t afraid of each other, they aren’t afraid, not together. “But Rowan had caught her each time she had fallen-first, when she had plummeted into that abyss of despair and grief; second, when that castle had shattered and she had plunged to the earth. And now this time, this third time ... She was not afraid.”
And because they are equal, because they will go to whatever end, because they pull each other back over & over whenever/wherever they drift. (And while I love Lyria, I believe she was one of his soulmates) I don’t think anyone ever understood him so well in return… Rowan loved Lyria. Lyria wanted him to stay for good reason, but he was not able to tire to rest to settle; she did not understand the warrior; just as he couldn’t understand enough not to be. Where peace was never quite had, the warrior that could not rest; there is Aelin. Who just goes to war with him, for him, for them. She is his hope, his queen, his love, his world, his fireheart🥹, & his everything (& thankfully NOT because of the blood-oath; “"How does she do it?" Aelin asked baldly. "With Rowan, it's not ... Every order I give him, even casual ones, are his to decide what to do with. Only when I actively pull on the bond can I get him to ... yield. And even then it's more of a suggestion." "It is different with her," Gavriel said softly. "Dependent on the ruler it is sworn to. You two took the oath to each other with love in your hearts. You had no desire to own or rule him." Aelin tried not to flinch at the truth of that word—love. That day ... when Rowan had looked into her eyes as he drank her blood ... she'd started to realize what it was. That the feeling that passed between them, so powerful there was no language to describe it ... It was not mere friendship, but something born of and strengthened by it.” glad they clarified that to give consent). I’ve said this about them before and I’ll say it again there is something healing in how wholly they accept and understand each other (to the point you would think they are reading minds), how evenly matched and equal they are. They are two of the best matched characters I know of; at times even to a fault (but even that is taken in stride). Aelin and Rowan are everything they have ever been with the other. This isn’t a comparison, there’s something beautiful to each of them (I’ll even still say that to Dorian & Aelin, the way their friendship came to be, and re-reads what might have been) there is just the fact that this is different and I think it’s a special kind of something. And the fact in the matching for the other they can go to the ends of the earth together; whether it be as Queen and Prince (though he would make a good king ;-) or assassins, gentle souls trying to rest, never at rest but trying for peace, fae and shifters fire and ice, warriors, martyrs, saviors, villains, Kings Champion & Maeve’s Cadre, friends, mates, whatever it may be “to whatever end”.
I especially love them in the little things… all these moments that show everything I’ve said and more.
The detail in Rowan knowing the other side to Aelin keeping him at the beach, and it not taking away from the moment. He knows, he accepts it. They know the layers, they don’t pretend otherwise, they don’t run or fight it, they just sit with it. The way he held her & grounded her during the sea battle, believing in her even as she lost her balance in power, the way she came back from Deanna for him, the way she held on to him through the storm. She reminds him what he is; that he is everything she needs, she doesn’t take the bullshit, she doesn’t give up; she lends a hand, or lets him follow, or defends him. And they finally said it; I love you. — Actually better than that, worlds best quote award of: “I love you. There is no limit to what I can give to you, no time I need. Even when this world is a forgotten whisper of dust between the stars, I will love you.”They finally chose this, them; and the world needed it (I will go down with the ship of them as queen and king). … So, my shippers heart is happy, I want more, I’m happy they’re happy, I want them to stay happy. They are the best brightest threads of fate & for a book I’ve loved to see tie together, the Rowaelin ship has been pretty perfect.
And some random notes I keep wondering on:
The color green in this series… From Lysandra’s eyes (the one marker she keeps in each form; funny as it’s also Terrasen (her future Courts) color, to Rowan’s pine green (& often “home” like Terrasen descriptions (once again)) to the green roofing of Rifthold, or tiling of the desert, the stolen wax stamp rings, Terrasen’s color, etc. … it’s just used to tell a lot of story & I find it a fun note!
On the subject of these “fun notes” I’d also like to Mention Maasverse “deals” in wording; I find it so interesting how carefully phrased (like a genie) things need to be, yet kept to their word they are. I feel like there’s some loopholes within some plots right now using that clause (if only there was Mort to prove it!)… I miss Mort…
There’s all of Lysandra’s shapeshifting, the character in that, her character all together. And then moments like Rowan reaching her to fly, to have her own wings. And introducing more powers outside of fae.
Fenyrs possible… winnowing? Whatever reason it was that Rowan sent him to save Aelin instead of himself (obviously meaning he was more capable because Rowan would save her any means necessary).
And these aforementioned threads of fate are pretty brilliantly done, I look forward to continuing to enjoy them. From Oakwald to 10 years ago to the detail of plans (Aelin going to the temple, for Brannon & the Dragon, & her territory claim… etc.)… SO MANY!!!
Especially because of YOU!..
— Final, biggest most important book/fandom thought yet: —
THANK YOU to the Maasverse!
As someone who doesn’t know anyone reading these —one of my favorite things to do is talk about them with other fans— I’m thankful to still have that; I’m thankful that tumblr has that; and thankful that y���all are so welcoming, kind, talented, & lovely! (Limiting full tags as this post is ridiculously long and no one should “have” to read it😂)
There’s a long list of you, to name a few (others please know you are still on the list, loved & appreciated)!! @ archerons-elain @ highladyelenna @ iwantavaldezinator @ romantasyreader28 @ antvwinderbaum @ shadowhunters77 @ chaos-on-stand-bi @ theauroragalaxy @ impossibelle @ aelin-fire-heart @ autumnbabylon @ headboymalfoy @ somebooksbelonginthesinbin @ idfendyr @ winged-artistic-wolf @ batter-upp @ cheap-spirits @ just tsteffs50cts @ xxvalkyriesxx @ captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @ lynnsthoughts @ maevecrom @ stingy-swann @ mothlvrtothemoon @ wannaberachelgrxxn @ sweetokami @ avymiir
& so if I missed any, like I said just know you are so appreciated🫶 … and sorry I get confused sometimes (as this is technically a secondary blog to @lavendarneverlands lol😂). It’s always me though🤣
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