#alam mo kung sino ka lol

[chekensheppppp]

I'm gonna interrupt doing my uni requirements just to share a delusion my discord mutual and I talked about in the dead of the night

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Ghetsis is a pillow princess. It's not because he's disabled; he can lead if he chooses to. It's just that he's a lazy greedy bitch that wants to be pampered and spoiled rotten jahdjshbsbsbaahjdsj uhh

I need to sleep fr

[anyalovesu]

we're not saints at all.

༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚ nine ༘˚⋆𐙚｡⋆.✧˚

necessary reminders :

contains 🔞🔞🔞 minors dni

🔞 is not pw authenticated , read at your own discretion

( cw : cunnilingus , p in v , technically unprotected sex but both of them are established to be clean and jas has an iud , breeding kink lol )

mdni pls pls pls pls

also not beta read im having problems with tumblr rn ( my wifi is refusing to load images on my tumblr app rn , if u know how to fix this hmu pls im literally going to lose my mind alr )

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' conversation )

“You know what, when I have a kid one day I’m going to bring her shopping everytime,” Jas blurts out as they stroll through the department store looking for a dress to wear for the event and whatever piques their eyes.

“The kid will get mad at you, kasi paikot ikot ka,” Tobi laughed at her. “Hindi ka natatapos mamili ng kung ano ano.”

“Para namang natatapos ka?” Jas rolled her eyes at him, gripping Bianca’s hand on one and the other holding Tobias’.

“You guys are talking about kids na?” Curiosity got the best of Bianca as she blurted out the question, glancing over at her brother as they walked. 

“Why? Are you not ready to be an aunt pa?” Tobi asked softly, knowing all too well that even if it’s Jas that he has to convince to not have children yet, he would definitely put it on hold if Bianca wasn’t ready for it. She was his world too, after all. 

“Not that,” Bianca deflects. “Nakakagulat lang. Nanliligaw ka palang nasa anakan phase na agad ang conversations n’yo. Does Ate Jas even want to be a mom na?

Tobi raises his eyebrows at Jas, who seemed to be deep in thought about the sudden surge of questions. Tobi has heard her ask for his kids multiple times in bed but it was never brought up to conversation out of bed. It wasn’t brought up either because with their set up before, it was not ideal to make that kind of plan for the future.

Jas nodded, purposefully. The answer is always yes. She’s not afraid to admit that. Though admittedly it’s still too early for her to be having children—with her career just starting to thrive, it would be a hindrance to her abilities as a mother to balance all that. She wasn’t as skilled in time-management as her own mother was, after all. But yes, she did want to be a mother. Raise a kid with her best friends like she was with her mom and her Tita Philomena raising her and Alistair back then. Despite being an only child, she never really felt like she was alone… even when her mom’s job got too demanding sometimes. She wanted her kids to have that kind of life too.

“Not now,” she chuckled. “Hindi ngayon syempre. Lagot tayo kay Mama Honey if I end up pregnant and unmarried. Sasakalin ako noon. But it’s on the list.”

“How many kids do you want, Kuya?”

“As many as your Ate Jas wants,” he shrugged. “Hindi naman ako ang magdadala at maglalabas. That’s a question for someone who’s willing to bring life to the world.”

“I want a lot of pamangkins,” Bia chimes happily as she walks over a white baby dress. “I wanna dress them up like Ate Eli did with me when I was a kid. Gotta make sure wala silang dugyot era.”

“Sino may sabi sa’yo wala kang dugyot era?” Tobi joked. “Alam kong tinago mo sa kwarto lahat ng picture mo noong mukha ka pang sipon na tinubuan ng bata. Swerte ka walang backup noon si Elijah.”

“Anyway, I want many pamangkins,” she smiled. “It would be nice to see you finally settle down.”

Bianca wasn’t one to show affection all the time. The closest most people got to Bianca’s affection was her inflicting her chaos on them, like her very chaotic friendship with Cielo Yang. Despite being seen bickering, the two have been known to stand by each other’s sides in crisis—by crisis whenever Cielo Yang finds himself in a situation with fair-weathered friends who only stuck around for the sound of being friends with him. He is, after all, well-connected and well known in the school for being Elijah Yang’s little brother. Best believe Bianca blackmailed her way into making those kids leave Cielo alone despite her being 2 years younger than he was.

Hugs were never the Park family got used to. Maybe occasionally whenever Elijah was around, but on their own, Bianca could not remember the last time she saw her family have one good cuddle. Everyone has always been busy with their own thing. She was lucky to be around her brothers in the absence of their parents but that was it. 

This is why the thought of her brothers, finally being with someone who is clingy, always wants to be with him, always wants a hug—warms her insides. She’s seen the good it has done for Leon, she’s glad to finally see it with Tobi. Jacynthe is good for Tobi. She always called it.

“We’re gonna have many kids para marami kang aalagaan,” Jas chuckled at her. While it may seem like an empty promise now, she was sure that it’s going to be Tobi that she’ll have a family with. No one else. 

If it’s not with him Tobi she’d rather die alone—which is a bold statement to make. But she was sure of it. She will make it work. She will not fumble. She’s going to birth children with his DNA whatever it may take.

“We should start doing that then,” Tobi playfully whispers in her ear, arm snaking around her waist as he does so.

“Keep it in your pants, Louis,” she hissed at him, jokingly slapping his abdomen, making him double over while he laughed. “You promised ha!”

୨୧

“Hindi sasabay si Tita?” Tobi asked as he took Jas’ suitcase that she was lugging towards his car.

“Yeah, Sunday morning na raw s’ya magdrive to Isabela,” she smiled at him, pressing a soft kiss on his cheek as he carried her luggage up the trunk of his car. 

It was Saturday evening when they decided to drive so that they would have more time to prepare for the party. Jas ended up just buying a new iPad for Isolde after consulting with Hailee and finding out that she will be taking up a pre-med course for college and will be needing a new one to replace her old outdated iPad.

“I have you all to myself then?” pabirong ngumisi si Tobi sa kanya kaya naman agad itong nahampas ni Jas. 

“Gabi na!”

“Better! Walang masyadong makakapansin!”

“At least wait until nasa hotel na tayo!” Jas argued with him. Tobi was only teasing, she knew that. He never forced her into anything she wasn’t comfortable with anyway. Sure he can be persistent with the other things, but anything that comes remotely close to their sex life, was a solid boundary if ever Jas says no.

“You’d be too tired sa byahe,” he smiled at him, eyes disappearing as he did before planting a soft kiss on her forehead. “I was just joking naman.”

Car rides were never quiet with Jas and Tobi. Jas was playing their demos on the car sound system, trying to rewrite some lyrics and occasionally recording more clips whenever they thought of a better lyric to replace it. Tobi used to think they did that for work whenever he would drive her home after hooking up back then. Doing it now seemed more… intimate—like he was finally baring the meanings to the songs he wrote and why he wrote them while simultaneously rewording and adding more words to the poetry they’ve produced.

At ‘wag kang bibitaw, ‘wag kang mawawala

Oh aking dinadala ang bawat piyesa ng ikaw

Anong gagawin kung wala ka?

“Were you really that hurt when you heard I was leaving?” Jas blurted out as she felt a squeeze in her chest as the last post-bridge of the song that they just finished the demo for this morning rolled out. She has been feeling that anguish ever since she first heard him record the few lines that he wrote for the song this morning.

Tobi nodded while still keeping his eyes on the road. He didn’t want to feel that way again. But it had to be talked about. What happened before they made up was still left untalked about which was concerning to say the least but it is a relief that she brought it up now.

“Lovey?”

“I was more scared than hurt,” he sighed. “It was happening all so sudden. I haven’t been serious with anyone before you came along and it wasn’t supposed to end up that way. I was so hurt with what Kashi did to me back then na akala ko hindi ko na kaya magmahal uli. So when I heard she was coming back I made the most idiotic decision to meet with her to see if I still felt that. But it only led me to realize that Kashi can never make me feel like you do.”

“Hard?”

“Down bad in love, pretty,” he snorted, correcting him as he reached for her hand, bringing it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. “Ang bobo na I needed an ex to make me realize that but then I heard that you will be moving to LA for Hyacinth—goddamn, I almost lost my mind, Jas. I thought it was pointless and I wasn’t going to be able to make it up to you for my idiocy. I was so fucking scared that I wasn’t going to see you again that I texted my mom and begged her to help me.”

“She did mention that,” she chuckled at him. 

“She did a great job convincing you, thank god—”

“She didn’t have to convince me, lovey,” she smiled softly, warming his cold hands with both of hers. “I mean of course I wanted to throw myself out from the Peak’s deck, but if anything your mom really just made it easy for me to admit that I was just as stupidly in love with you. Ang corny pakinggan which is so off-brand for the both of us, but yeah. Stupid is the right word, I think.”

“The mere thought that you fucked up and I was losing you made me want to rot in bed back in New York,” Jas continued. “Jusko! Pinipigilan na ako ni Khloe na magsulat kasi hindi na daw n’ya kayang marinig yung linyang ‘anong gagawin kung wala ka’. Ang tanga tanga daw pakingan kasi nakaya ko naman ng wala ka but the thing about that was you make life easier for me and I don’t think you even notice that.”

“I don’t think I do, pretty,” he smiled.

“Normally, hindi ako papayag agad na pumunta ng Isabela if it’s not for something really important. I mean, yes, Isolde is important to me—but I’ve been absent on almost all of her birthdays, it wouldn’t matter to her that much if I’m not there because she knew I was busy. But the thought that you will be there too makes me feel better about going there. Kasi I know I won’t be isolated. Hindi ko masyado mararamdaman na ako ‘yung pinsan doon na alam ng lahat kung sino pero hindi naman nila talaga kilala,” Jas explained as she looked at the window, watching as the tiny droplets from the light showers a while ago make lines on the glass pane as the car moved. Tobi could not help but glimpse and see the sparkle in her eyes that he cursed himself for dulling in the past weeks that came before. As much as he wanted to keep watching her, he had to tear his eyes away from her and bring his eye back on the road, trying to focus on it instead of the goddess divine that was yapping his ears out right now.

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' tweets )

Jacynthe stirred awake as the warm sunlight from the glassdoor of the balcony greeted her, though it was not without noticing that the other side of the bed which was empty when she fell asleep was empty once again. If not for the disheveled sheets and Tobi’s lingering warmth on his side of the bed, Jas could easily think that Tobi had run away from her last night and never slept next to her at all. 

Rolling over her side of the bed’s nightstand she reaches for her phone to call him to ask where he was, to which she was surprised to find out that he had left his phone behind. Why would he even leave her like that? Is he avoiding her? He didn’t want to go to bed with her last night and was taking too long in the bath and now she’s waking up to an empty side of the bed with him nowhere to be found. Maybe he doesn’t want to be bothered?

Jas finally decides that maybe it was all in her head and dragged herself to the bathroom to get ready. She was told that their room was in between Hailee and Isolde’s and her grandparents’ respective rooms. But at this hour, Hailee is probably out working out and Isolde would probably still be getting her beauty sleep. Alright. If Tobi does not want to be bothered then she should make an effort not to. Off to her grandparents’ hotel room she was, but before she could even open the door, it swung itself open, revealing a bright eyed Tobias with a paper bag on one hand and the other holding up a carton of coffees. 

“Ay ang aga mo naman gumising,” Tobi chuckled at him as Jas swiftly moved to the side to immediately to let her suitor in and closing the door after him.

Tobias would be too dense to not see the expression on Jacynthe’s face. She was a morning person, he swore that nothing made this woman happier than a little sunlight in the morning. The only reason he thought he’d be able to get away with buying coffee so early in the morning was the fact that they arrived so late last night and thought that she would want to sleep in. The way her eyebrows were almost touching was enough evidence that someone was indeed upset that she woke up alone this morning.

“I called for room service kaninang umaga, their coffee is shit,” he explains softly as soon as he sets their breakfast on the table, walking over to Jas to properly apologize for leaving so early. “Baka samaan ka lang ng sikmura.”

“I’m sorry for leaving you alone in bed, pretty,” he hummed before pushing her chin up with his index finger to make her look at him. “Bumili lang ako ng almusal natin. Sorry po.”

He was too cute to stay mad at but incredibly hot in the broad daylight with his dry-fit shirt and sweatpants that he most probably slept in last night. God. She could already feel it pooling between her legs as she feels her knees weaken at the sight of his face apologizing to her like that. It didn’t help at all that she was sexually frustrated from not getting it last night.

Jas couldn’t give two more fucks about their food turning cold. If she does not get fucked in this very moment she might as well just die, it would make no difference. Thus, in a blink of an eye Jas’ lips were on his. Tobi does not hesitate to kiss back as Jas guides him to walk backwards to the bed, his knees hitting the edge as he falls on his butt, breaking the kiss as he does.

“Pretty, your grandparents are in the next room,” he pants, as he tries to slow down Jas from taking his clothes off.

“Do I look like I care about that right now? I’m literally 25,” she rolls her eyes at him, which in truth annoyed Tobi that she’s getting that attitude out of nowhere. But it did not bother her in the very least that Tobi was showing disdain for her attitude, she knew what she wanted and she was desperate for it. 

“Please, remove this na, lovey,” Jas lets out a quiet whine, understanding that Tobi was only worried of her grandparents hearing, especially now that they are very much aware that they aren’t technically officially together yet. “I’ll be quiet, lovely, please.”

“Work for it then,” Tobi raises a brow at her, as if challenging her to do the work herself if she wanted it so badly. Jokes on him though because Jacynthe doesn’t turn down a good challenge, especially now that it’s going to benefit anyway.

Jas takes no time tugging his shirt off and helping him out of his pants as Tobi watches her intently, taking off her silk button up pajamas and shorts that leaves barely anything to the imagination. 

Tobi then reaches for her body to pull her close to him, watching at the cold breeze from the hotel air conditioning hardened her nipples. “Let me prep you first, hmm?”

“No need na—”

“Ah, no,” Tobi refuses, standing up as he places soft but domineering kisses on his girl’s lips before maneuvering her down to where he was previously seated, spreading her legs and throwing them on both of his shoulders as he kneels before the glory sitting before him. “Always need to prep my pretty little hole, right?” he says, leaving teasing kisses on her thighs slowly working his way to her inner thighs before finally lapping at her already sopping wet cunt. 

“Shit, Louis–” Jas accidentally moans a little too loud as soon as she felt his warm tongue licking a long strip up to her bundle of nerves, his finger separating her folds to allow him more access but he stops as soon as he does so, glancing at the beauty beneath him, propped up on her elbows already panting heavily from such little actions.

“I will stop if you keep on moaning that loud,” he calls intently, as if warning her. The younger one knows better than to test him because he will in fact stop if she does. “Understand, pretty?” He asks, just as the same time he prods a finger in her making her purse her lips tightly into a thin line, eyes shutting as she holds back a whine. Jas nods, trying to avoid making as much noise as she could.

“Say it, pretty,” he orders sternly before going back to sucking on her sensitive nub. 

“Yes, I understand, lovey,” she whines pathetically, trying to keep her voice as low as possible. 

“Good girl,” he hums against her, sending vibrations through her body making her hold back another whine and trying as she might to mask it with slow breaths through her nose to avoid making any more noise.

Tobi continues to flick her nub with his tongue while his finger—now fingers as he already has two curling up to his g-spot, making Jas buck her hips against Tobi’s mouth, sending even more waves of pleasure to her entire body as she does so.

“God–ah–fucking damn it, Tobi, I’m so close,” she whines as she her arms gave out leaving her sprawled on the bed clutching the sheets on the unmade bed as her legs shake around Tobi’s head. “Don’t stop, lovey, please—”

“Hmm?” Tobi hums as he tears himself away, still convinced that Jacynthe has to work for her orgasm this time. 

“Lovey!” Jacynthe cries, tears now freely streaming from her eyes down to her ears as her orgasm was torn away from her just seconds before it does. “Ang sama ng ugali…” 

Tobi could not help but chuckle at how helplessly and sexually frustrated she was because she still managed to pull herself up and help him settle on the bed through her tears. 

He was now propped on the bed, back resting against the bed’s headboard while Jas hovered over him, looking at him as if begging that he does the work. Unfortunately, she brought this upon herself and Tobi was determined to let her have the experience. 

“Careful, pretty,” he says as he grabs on to her thighs, carefully guiding her as she aligns his girth to her cunt. 

“Yeah, I should—I’m about to fucking impale myself with your dick,” she spats angrily, clearly upset that Tobi, someone who’s more than capable of making her cum right then and there just decided that he wasn’t going to let her do so. “I should be careful!”

“Watch that pretty mouth, pretty girl,” he smirks as he eases himself into her, trying not to go too hard just yet.

Tobi wastes no time as he guides Jas down to his lap, his cock fully sheathed inside of her like, fitting like a glove. “Fuck, Tobi,” she whines against his neck as she clings to him, overwhelmed with the pleasure from being full of her suitor’s cock. 

“You promised to be quiet, pretty,” he chuckles. “Now be quiet and move.”

Biting her lower lip as a terrible attempt to keep her moans in, Jas does what she had to do. Lifting her body up before dropping back down, feeling his length touch her cervix as she does. “Shit, pretty,” he hums against her chest, hands moving to take one of her breasts to his mouth, tongue playing around her already hardened nipple as the other hand toyed with the other. 

The euphoria consumes Jas as she bounced on him relentlessly. 

“Ang bait bait mo pa sa harap ng lolo mo kagabi tapos nakakandong ka sa akin ngayon?” she blushes from the embarrassment at what he just had said. They were greeted last night despite it being incredibly late by her grandparents. Jas was seemed like the innocent little sweetheart that her grandparents seemed to be used to—here she is now though, “Fucking yourself with my cock? So dirty, Jacynthe.”

“Not my fault you’re like so fucking hot, you son of a bitch,” she retaliates.

“Also not my fault you’re like a bitch in heat, humping my cock, pretty,” his condescending smirk almost pushes Jas to the edge as he grabs on to her ass and helps her go faster and harder on his cock. The sound of skin slapping and panting filled the room, one could only hope no one suspects a thing on whatever the fuck is happening inside their hotel room right now. “That’s what you are right? Prinsesang prinsesa ka pa naman dito sa Isabela. Ano nalang ang iisipin nila kapag nalaman nilang ayaw mo magpakain kanina dahil kastang kasta ka na? Hmm?”

“Fuck, lovey, I’m close,” Jas whimpers quietly to his ear, tears flowing down her face once again as Tobi began fucking up to her, holding her hips up as she clings to his neck, sobbing from the overwhelming pleasure that was shooting continuously up her body. 

“I know—shit,” he hums, “Squeezing me so good, pretty. Keep doing that.”

“Where do you want it, pretty?” he asks, hand reaching to grab her face make her look at him as they both neared their highs. 

“Inside, lovey—fuck—cum inside, please, please—”

“Want lovey’s cum inside you, pretty?” he coos condescendingly before he pulls her to place a kiss on her lips, which she returns immediately, lips parting slightly to allow him more access to her mouth. 

“I’m…” Jas mumbles in between a pant and a sob as she falls completely limp against the older as soon as she feels the wave crashing over the grave that she had just dug for herself. Tobi came not long after, leaving them both spent.

By the time they were done, the sun was already shining too bright. It would not be long before her family starts looking for her so as soon as her breathing calmed down, Tobi carefully pulled himself out of her and got up, making Jas whine at the emptiness along with the cold air that embraces her in the absence of Tobi’s warmth.

“Leaving na uli?” Jas asks, post sex haze mixing well with the sunlight from the glass door making her look like the absolute goddess that she was. 

Tobi could not help but lean back to the bed and press a long wholesome kiss on his girl’s lips. “You’re coming with me, pretty,” he chuckled as he helped get up and hoisted her up to go to the bathroom. “Go pee muna, I’ll fix the bath while you do.”

Jas does what he says. He’s always been like this, she thinks. Has it been the same for every girl that he has slept with? She doesn’t even want to know. She already won, there was no point in wondering if the other girls have experienced the same thing as she did. That, in hindsight, was something that she never would’ve thought she would be thinking after sleeping with someone. It has always been a constant battle of trying and doing the most to make sure she doesn’t get left in the end, but here she is… finally… with the assurance that she has always deserved that Tobi will never leave, if he does, he will always come back home or she will be going with him.

She finally has what she deserves and no matter how complicated it got before they got here… Elijah is right. Everything will always end up well. The Park boys have that attitude of never leaving things unresolved. No matter how long, they will always go back and fix what went wrong.

“Wear this first habang nagpupuno pa yung bathtub, pretty,” Tobi picked up her arm and helped her get into her purple robe that she had brought with her in her suitcase. “Baka ubuhin ka sa lamig.”

“You’re so cute,” Jas snorted, leaning in to give him a hug as soon as he finished tying her robe. “I love you, Louis.”

“I love you, Jacynthe,” he replies to her before he moves to check the tub, which by now is already a quarter full.

Jas could not help but stare at him fondly as he nerds about the water on the tub. “Is this temperature okay with you, pretty?” he asked, even asking her to hold out the back of her hand and dropping a couple of drops on it to let her have a feel on the water. Jas assures him that it’s fine before he goes back to their suitcases where he retrieves a bath bomb. 

“Why do you even have a bath bomb?” Jas laughs. 

“Bianca got you these behind your back yesterday,” he snorted before he dropped it on the water, allowing it to fizz. 

“Cute n’yong magkapatid,” she chuckles as Tobi peels off the robe that he had just put on her from her and guiding her in the bath before taking his off and joining her. 

“You’d be a cute girl dad, Tobs,” she blurts out as Tobi rubs the shampoo suds on her hair. “You have the experience to be girl dad. Kayo ni Leon.”

“I suppose, I do,” he smiles at her as he makes a make shift crown on the top of her head with bubbles. “It would be a breeze. You’d be a good mom too.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I really could though.”

“Why would you think that, pretty?”

“I mean, unlike you guys and Eli, I didn’t have younger siblings,” she hummed as she reached for one of hid hands to fiddle with. “I saw my younger cousins here rought about twice or thrice a year. I don’t even know if I’d be able to hold a baby and make them stop crying. The thought of not being able to do it just scares the living crap out of me. I don’t want to be a disappointment. Especially after my mom raised me so well on her own.”

“When the time comes, I’m sure you’ll do fine,” he smiles at her. “Sasamahan naman kita. I’ll help you with our future kids alright? We’ll make sure they won’t have the same experiences as we did as kids.”

“Thank you, Louis,” she grins, turning her body just enough to be able to kiss him once more. “You make me so happy.”

୨୧ continue here ( isolde bday tweets <3 + jas' priv twts )

“I suppose you are the Tobias Park that everyone is talking about?” Governor Kang smiles at Tobi. Despite the dark demeanor that the politician exuded to most, he was nowhere near the strict governor that everyone knew him as. He seemed to soften up at the sight of his grandchildren, Jacynthe especially.

“Good evening, Governor Kang,” magalang na sagot niya sa matanda bago nagmano sa kaniya. “Opo. Ako po si Tobias Park, manliligaw po ni Jas.”

“Manliligaw, I see,” he nodded at him, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “Kahit kailan ay hindi nagsama ng nobyo o manliligaw dito si Jacynthe. Nababalitaan nalang namin na sinusundan na pala s’ya ng mga ex n’ya.”

“Tobi saved me from the said stalker, Lo,” Jas smiled at him softly, going up to him to hug his arm. “So you have to be nice to him.”

“Salamat at tinulungan mo si Jacynthe,” he replied to him.

“Ay wala po ‘yon, Governor–”

“Lolo Javier,” he corrects him, with a soft smile before he glances back at Jas who clung to his arm. “Lolo Javier ang itawag mo sa akin. Anyone my dear Jacynthe trusts enough to bring her must be extremely special.”

Kyle was right after all. Despite all the rumors that surrounded their family, the Kangs were welcoming people. 

“Tobi!” an elderly woman chimes as she takes the other arm of the governor. “I am Madeleine Kang, Jassy’s Lola! I suppose ikaw ang boyfriend ni Jassy?”

“La, manliligaw palang!” Jas tried to argue. 

“Mamma mia, Jassy! Doon rin magtatapos ‘yon!” the woman giggled as she walked over to Tobias to give him a hug. “You’re a special boy, no? I trust that you’re going to help Daphne to keep this lady in check. You know she can be a little wild sometimes! Tapos would always refuse help even if we offer it.”

Tobi looked at Jas softly as she walked over to hold his hand, wary that her grandparents might be intimidating him too much. The older couple takes this as a sign to leave, as Madeleine Kang happily pulls her husband away. However, he couldn’t help but wonder what pushed Jas to think that she was the odd-one-out among all these people that seemed to know her to this extent. Her dad hasn’t come around either, thinking he might be absent for the occasion.

“Are you okay, lovey?”

“I’m okay, pretty,” he smiles at her, squeezing her hand to confirm his sentiment. “Ikaw?”

“Just a little uneasy,” she hummed. “I kept overhearing the titas shit talking me and mom over there.”

“Alam ba ng mga mga lolo mo?”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle, Tobs,” she smiled at him, choosing to swallow the criticisms that she and her mom kept on hearing from that specific crowd in the family. “Besides, none of them really cares enough to get to know me beyond the way that they already do.”

“Kahit na.”

“Alam mo, I figured early on that they are still very convinced that my mama used up all my dad’s money for her med school. Alam lang nila namatay yung parents ni mama. I don’t think any of them bothered to find out that we both lived off her inheritance and her trust fund and completely nothing from dad in the first few years na wala sila lola. Dad was a complete slob when it came to paying child support. I barely got anything from him, really. Noon lang tinanggap namin s’ya ni Mama uli. But after he cut him off again for cheating on mom on multiple occasions after we forgave him on multiple occasions as well, I don’t understand why they still have it in them to think that mama and I couldn’t have made it without him.”

Tobi mentally notes the answer to his questions a while ago. Having this big of a family did have its cons. Most of it he wasn’t able to experience since he had a relatively small family and most of his cousins were living abroad. Well, technically they moved back now. But even then, these kinds of drama weren't really present in them. They were all distant and individualistic to care about how the other family was holding up.

“Tigas ng ulo kahit kelan,” he shrugged before pulling her into a hug. 

୨୧ continue here ( tobi and jas' convo )

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ main post °❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[iruiji]

HSR but Pinoy reader

So ito ay loosely based sa NAPAKA CUTE NA ANIME: Campfire Cooking in Another World with My Absurd Skill 

TW: Puro mura 'to bhie, pag nagreklamo ka mamaya pagtapos mo magbasa tusukan ko ng tissue yang ilong mo :D

pano ka na isekai? 

so naglalaro ka ng star tail (dailies) bago maaksidente sa kusina.. nasabugan ka ng gas para deds na talaga- charot! nagluluto ka ateng tapos bigla nag apoy yung kalan tapos nausok tapos deds- de joke sumabog ka talaga kasama nung LPG HAHAHAH

taena ko no, mapanakit?

sino unang na meet? 

si Sampo, actually. like, hours before mo mameet mga trailblazer. so diba ikaw na isekai, tapos na discover mo na meron kang access sa online store - bumili ka agad ng warmer tapos kitchen utensils (shala wala nang isip-isip! matalino na tayong lahat pag na-isekai alam na natin gagawin agad HAHAHA) 

enter Sampo, "That smells delicious!" tapos syempre natili ka bebs, nagulat na OMG SI SAMPO NA WALA PA SYA SA ROSTER tapos syempre kalma lang ses, kasi di pwede sabihin na kilala mo sya 

so ayern, pinakain mo si Sampo, halos maiyak naman sya sa sarap, tapos nagkagulo sa labas kasi hinahabol si Sampo, hinila ka niya kasi ise-save ka nya, dun kayo nauwi sa ilalim ng snow (strong ka ses kaya di ka tinatablan masyado ng snow kunwari) 

meeting the gang gang

Caelus (CUTIE PATOOTIE OMG apaka inosente mo bhie sarap mong halikaaan) discovered you both under the snow, and then OMG INIWAN KA NI SAMPO GAGI AHHAHAHAHAHA. Halos lumuwa mata mo kasi SI DAN HENG! KRAS!! nasa harap mo OMFG (shet bhie ang sarap nya BWAHAHA). You explained na wala kang kinalaman ke Sampo, na kinidnap ka sa bahay niyo after nya kainin yung pinaghirapan mong lutuin 

so ayern medyo naawa naman si March 7th (amputi nya ses!) saka Caelus kasi you look lost, ateng, and seriously, anlayo ng hitsura mo sa mga tao ng Belobog, so naghinala agad si Dan Heng na hindi ka taga don, pero di muna niya sinabi (maya na, excited yarn? HAHA) 

so ayun dumating si (drool) PAPA GEPARD ANG GWAPO MO MARRY ME, ahem, dumating na nga si Pogi #4 para arestuhin your ass (hng, double fuck), tapos syempre nilabanan siya ng main cast WOOOOOO LIPAD PANTY! ay wait! HHHAHHAHAHHAHA kaluluwa kasi!! amp giatay 

tapos ayun pinaglaban nina March 7th na mga aliens sila (kasama ka dun lol), and si Gepard naman nPAKA DADDY MO SHET ayun dinala tayez kay cocogoat- este cocolia pala, tapos ayern syempre alam mo na may maligno na sumapi kay ateng so shatap ka na lang kasi dakila kang marites eh, baka ikapahamak mo pa pag nagdaldal ka lmao 

so ayun sa hotel inexplain mo sa kanila na na isekai ka lang dito and you have no idea how to get back or how the hell you've arrived here in the first place (with tears!! dapat bhie yung pang Oscars na may kasamang pag-wipe ng luha!) - and Dan Heng SHET PAKASALAN MO DIN AKO WOOF WOOF sinabi na may hunch na talaga sya nung una pa lang (GWAPO NA MATALINO PA SHET NAOL TALAGA TOTOO)

syempre kunwari di mo alam kung ano Astral Express so nagtanong ka, and SYEMPRE OMG TINANONG MO KUNG PWEDE KANG SUMAMA SA KANILA and your reason is, "I can cook!" BITCH YES YOU GRADUATED AS A CHEF WAG PAPATALO! PINALAKI TAYONG PALABAN NG SEXBOMB!! so ayun sinabi ni Dan Heng na tatanungin niya sina Himeko at Welt - to which you responded with, "Who?" LINSYAK, YES! TALINO MO BEH, WOO! Para di ka nila pag-isipan na may alam ka about sa kanila HAHAHHAHA naol advanced mag-isip 

naka skin white yarn?

So anyway, so eto na nga: Si Bronya (puta ang ganda nya sa personal??? girl??? naka etude house yarn?!), tapos ang cute ni Pela shet! What's not so cute though is yung hinahabol na nila kayo - and then ni-rescue ang gang, tapos na-meet mo din sina Oleg at Seele (shet maganda din?? wtf ateng??? buysit tong si hoyo kinukwestyon pagkababae ko). Anyways, kinaltukan mo si Sampo ng dalawa kasi ANG GWAPO MO DIN TANGINA KA DI AKO MANYAK PERO PAHIPO NAMAN NG SIDES MO BHIE AY WAIT- iniwan ka niya nung andun si GEPARD 

anyways, so ayern nga na discover niyo plano ng Wildfire and si Natasha (mommy??), nagpunta kayo sa abandonadong orphanage, then Seele and Bronya talked, bla bla bla, tapos nagpahinga ulit sa hotel underground – dun mo actually nalaman kay Dan Heng na OMG PUMAYAG SI HIMEKO AT WELT NA MAG-STAY KA SA ASTRAL EXPRESS AT THE MEANTIME OMGOMGOGOMG 

meeting kay Svarog – syempre napalaban ang ganggang (omg ang cute ni Clara!! Iuwi sana kita kaso lalasugin ako ni Svarog- ay wait, why not? AHHAHAHAHA kalma tayo ‘te! Juice-colored) ayun nasa tabi lang kayong dalawa until tumakbo sya dun sa robot para protektahan (aww. Pero kids don’t try this at home, tanging mga professional at mga batang walang tsinelas lang ang gumagawa neto.) 

so ayun excited kang natulog – then nung nagising ka nalaman niyo na si Bronya naglayas para kausapin si Cocolia and syempre sinundan niyo kasi syempre medyo friends na din kayo (kahit ang ginawa mo lang naman is titigan siya for like 35 minutes – ang ganda talaga syet bagay mag kpop idol – but I guess most of them are), na meet niyo si Serval ulit (shet bangganda din wtf?!) tapos ayun tinulungan niya kayo na makarating sa restricted zone and na-meet ulit si Papa Gepard ILANG BESES PA BA KONG LULUHOD BHIE, then boom! Gepard got his ass smacked by his sister (WHOOO FEMALE EMPOWERMENT LEZGO) 

anyways, BOOM SHAKALAKA, main fight with Cocolia 

asan ka? Andun sa likod, nanonood lang with popcorn na binili mo online HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA  

angagawen mo bhe?! Kusinera ka bhie omg, hindi ka hero! Ang cool ng laban- shet na malupet, tapos ayun na-skewer si Caelus like a sheesh kebab (HOLY PAAAAKKSHET!!!!) tapos BOOMMM came back with a flaming claymore and a vengeance 

*cue epic Wildfire battle song* 

the end pero nagsisimula pa lang talaga tayo mga bakla

ayun halos matapon popcorn mo kasi SHET NA MALUPET, kapag nag fe-flex muscles ni Dan Heng at Caelus naglalaway ka XDXDXD hoy bhie!!! Pulutin mo yang baba mo sa snow omg mag hunus-dili ka!!!! >.< 

anyways, after nun medyo naging melancholic atmosphere kasi namatay si Cocolia and nag-usap kung sasabihin ba totoo – medyo agree ka naman kay Bronya na itago muna, labas ka na kasi dun bhie eh. 

pero after naman nung sad na moment nayun, nag-offer kang magluto para sa kanilang lahat!!! 

this is before umakyat lahat ng taga underground sa taas – nagluto ka muna ng maraming dishes for everyone sa clinic ni Natasha and OMG halos maiyak mga tao kasi sobrang sarap ng luto mo lolol. Nibigyan mo si Natasha ng ilang recipe para in case na kelangan nila ng bagong ideas, lalo na at napaka limited ng ingredients dun. 

SI MARCH 7TH EXCITED KA NA IUWI KASI PEBORIT NA NIYA ADOBO LMAO 

medyo mangiyak-ngiyak ka bhie nung nagsi-iyakan mga taga underworld nung nakabalik na sila sa Admistrative District, shet, nakaka touch din yung speech ni Bronya (sniff ang laki na nya grabe parang kelan lang char HAHAHAHA) tapos andun ka sa table kasama sina March 7th, Caelus at Dan Heng tahimik na nanonood.  

medyo natahimik ka nung nakapasok ulit kayo sa Qliport Fort kasi na-realize mo na omg, this is fucking real, this isn’t a joke – and gusto mo mag curl up para umiyak pero strong ka bhie eh, kaya huminga ka lang ng malalim and blink your eyes rapidly para mag shoo yung nagbabadyang tubig sa mga mata mo 

anyways, so nag teleport na nga kayo sa Astral Express, and then you meet Himeko- 

TAPOS BHIE DUN KA BIGLANG NAIYAK KASI NAGLARO KA NG HONKAI IMPACT 3RD DATI AND NAG-UNINSTALL KA NUNG NAMATAY SI HIMEKO KASI SHE’S ONE OF YOUR FAVES- 

so ayern, medyo nag-panic sila kasi buysit nayan, ayaw tumigil ng iyak mo! Bhie! Calmdawg!!!   

after mo kumalma (shet and sarap i-hug ni Himeko apaka fair skin) tinawag mo syang Ate kasi di mo mapigilan – grabe bhie sobrang ganda nya rin!! And medyo oldie si Welt pero gagapangin pa din AHHAHAHAAHHA pagpasensyahan na po napaka-kalat ko 

you told them your story (while minding the consistency para di sila masyadong maghinala), and very kind sila pati si pompom, naintindihan nila pinagdadaanan mo, so since walang available na kwarto in the meantime, pina stay ka muna sa kwarto ni March 7th while Caelus stays sa kwarto ni Dan Heng 

next morning, nagluto kang breakfast and gustong-gusto nina Himeko at Welt yung Sinigang mo! (LMAO HINDI TO TYPO, YES SINIGANG HINDI SINANGAG SA BREAKFAST) Medyo ayaw kasi ni March saka Caelus nun eh, while si Dan Heng naman yung tipo na basta safe kainin, la sya pake (pero hindi sya mahilig sa maanghang) 

anyways, OMG DUMATING SI KAFKA – cue the jawdrop coz HOLY SMOKING PATOOTIE, MILF ang datingan niya omigosh!! tapos ayun si Himeko tinago ka agad niya sa likod niya, and ikaw naman nung sumilip nag-meet agad mata mo kay Kafka so nakita mo na medyo nagulat sya – huh, so di ka nakwento ni Elio sa kanya? (ay friends kayo te? di mo naman ako ininform HAHAHA) Si Pompom naman hinila mo na rin sa likod mo kasi medyo nanginginig sya and you hugged him to calm him down 

kagaya nung sa storyline, kinumbinsi sila ni Kafka na pumunta sila sa Xianzhou Luofu dahil dun sa Stellaron, and bla bla bla, honestly di ka masyadong nakinig kasi alam mo na yun eh, mas tinitingnan mo yung payong nya, actually – nasa umuulan kaya syang lugar habang naka live, or aesthetic lang? 

“And who is this cutie, hm?” 

OH SHIT you yelped when KAFKA SUDDENLY POPPED UP IN FRONT OF YOU OMG LOL 

“Uh-“ quick! say something cool!! “I cook?” 

DA FUCK BHE GINAGAWA MO?! HAHAHAHA SHUNGA!!!  

natawa lang sayo si Kafka, shet! pero medyo natakot ka, kasi parang iba yung tingin niya like kinakabisado nya hitsura mo, so nagtago ka lalo sa likod ni Himeko hanggang sa umalis na si Kafka 

phew! that woman is officially bad for your heart!! 

anyways, habang nag-uusap silang lahat sa cabin about sa next plan, ikaw naman nag decide na ilabas na lang sa luto yung kaba and jitters mo. then after lunch sinabi ni Pompom na magsiupo na dahil mag wa-warp na kayo sa Xianzhou Luofu 

to be continued ang kabaliwan bhie!!!! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR MGA HANGAL KAUSAPIN NIYO KO SAMAHAN NIYO KO SA KABALIWAN KO BAGO KO PA LAWAYAN SI PAPA JING YUAN, BLADE AT IMBIBITOR LUNAE!!!!! ANAKAN NIYO KO PLS

[thesecoldfeet]

TW: CHEATING

tbh wala akong balak gumawa ng year-end post katulad ng iba until i realized na ang dami ko palang na achieve & nagawa this year na hindi ko pa nagawa before. sobrang focused ako sa heartbreak and trauma na nakuha ko after my ex cheated on me without even noticing na ang layo na pala ng progress ko from the day i got cheated on till now.

it was all fun & heartwarming feels until my ex messaged me sa IG (dun nalang kami mutuals bec she unfriended me sa lahat dahil daw palagi siya nareremind ng kalokohan niya every time nakikita nya shared posts ko).

hans sent my own post in my dm and asked if sino daw ang nag cheat lol. i told her alam kong makakalimutin siya pero hindi ako aware na may bago na palang narrative at tila di siya aware na siya ang nag cheat sakin.

medyo uminit yung conversation dahil sobrang mema nya kausap saying things like "kwento mo yan eh di sige" at "tama ka na".

apparently, her narrative was she did not cheat kasi wala na kami nung naging sila ng girlfriend niya.

back story : the girl flirted with her and wants to be her mistress knowing full well that she's not single. according to her, nilabanan niya and nag struggle siya and then one day, nagising nalang siya isang umaga nakikipagbreak na siya sakin kasi narealize nya na gusto pa din niya yung babae. hindi lang gusto, pero lumalalim na.

fast forward, naging sila na nga eventually. and it was so funny kasi according to her, nag stop naman yung girl sa pag flirt and wala ng kami nung naging sila.

sobrang gets ko yung part na sinasabi niya sakin na wala na kami nung naging sila but wala din naman akong pake tbh. ang hindi ko lang maintindihan was yung part na dahil lang hindi na kami nung naging sila, nainvalidate na yung story kung paano kami natapos.

i never thought na magiging ganito siya ka shallow just to protect and clean yung bakod niya. what she did to me was emotional cheating bec we're still in a relationship nung nagkaroon/nakadevelop siya ng feelings sa ibang tao. hindi lahat ng cheating ay physical. to some and i agree din nga na emotional cheating is worse.

totoo pala na may kanya-kanyang narratives ang cheaters just to protect themselves. nakakagalit. kaya kong tiiisin lahat ng disrespect sakin but i'm sorry but i can never tolerate someone who tries to change the true story dahil sobrang hirap ma cheat on. sobrang hirap makabangon from the trauma na binigay ng cheater nating ex partners. i never felt so empowered to fight from my truth dahil sobrang impyerno yung naranasan ko simula ng araw na nalaman kong may iba ng gusto yung ex ko while we're still engaged.

you mess with the wrong girl.

[kyvisualsph]

It's been raining in Manila.

ang tagal ko ng wala sa hometown ko. mag tatatlong taon na, minsan pag umuuwi ako ng Manila. natatakot na ako dahil unti-unti na akong na un familiarized dito. mabilis mag bago ang itsura ng Manila. parang hindi makasabay ang panahon dito. kung ano binagal minsan ng oras ganoon kabilis ang ikot dito.

Manila is where my heart is, kung ano ang iningay ng umaga dito ay siya rin ikinakulay ng gabi. marami ka mapupulot na kwento dito. kakaiba, malalim at puno ng nakakamangha na istorya. sa araw-araw mo na pag lalakad o pag byahe dito. imposibleng hindi ka makakuha ng kwento. imposibleng walang kwentong Manila. bawat sulok nito ay kakapulutan ng kung ano (tulad ng basura hehe jk). madumi man ang hangin. marami man ang masasamang loob at maraming di rin ka aya-ayang lugar. ang Manila ang sentro ng lahat ultimo sa kalakaran noong una pang panahon. 

LRT at MRT, isa rin ito sa mga nag dudugtong sa pusod ng Metro Manila. sino nga ba ang hindi nakasakay dito? na hindi naiisip minsan ang buhay nya ay parang isang pelikula o para siyang nasa isang music video. lalo na pag nakasaksak na ang earphones sa mag kabilang tenga. napaka sentimental ng lugar na ito. marami na nga ang nag pakamatay dito. medyo nakakatakot nga lang lol. pero ang mga tren na ito ang naging sandalan ng mga tao na nag tratrabaho/estudyante ng Manila. although minsan nakaka-badtrip lang kapag mahina ang aircon at siksikan. minsan pa nga ay nasisiraan sa kalagitnaan ng byahe. pero ang laking ginhawa nito lalo na sa malupit na traffic.

ang mga streets ng Manila ay hindi pare-pareho. may delikado, safe, masaya at malungkot. masarap mag lakad sa Manila. mapa umaga man o gabi. marami ka mapupuntahan na pwede mo lang lakarin hindi mo na kailangan bumyahe ng marami pang sasakyan. kahit siguro bente lang pera mo ay mabubuhay ka na dito. lahat ng cravings mo mabilis mo lang makakain dahil napaka dali lang puntahan ng mga kainan at pasyalan dito. nandito rin ang mga nag lalakihan na mga Malls. hinding hindi ka mababagot sa Manila. 

kapag umuulan naman sa Manila. nakakatakot dahil asahan mo na ang mabilisan na pag baha saan man sulok ng lugar. lagpas tuhod minsan naman ay hanggang bewang. sa loob at labas ng bahay yan. wala kang ligtas sa baha sa Manila. talaga naman nakakaawa ang mga pauwi ng kanilang mga bahay galing trabaho kapag naabutan ng ulan. 

isa din sa mamimiss mo sa Manila ay ang mga marites. mga walking CCTV. mga matang nakatitig na akala mo kung makatingin ay buklat na buklat na ang pagkatao. mas alam pa nila yung istorya mo kesa sa sarili mo. pero ang magandang dulot naman nito ay walang masyadong nagiging biktima ng mga massacre dito. dahil makarinig man sila agad ng konting sigaw ay tiyak mapapabukas na ng mga bintana yan. ang iba ay lalabas at mag uusisa talaga hanggang sa tatawag na ng barangay. 

iba ang energy ng mga taga Manila. masaya sila kasama, akala mo walang bukas kung mag walwal. akala mo walang mga problema na iniinda. Bold ang mga Manilenyo, transparent sila sa mga buhay nila. Happy go lucky at creative. dito naka imbento ng pisonet,corn dog at kung ano-ano pa. madali mag business sa Manila. walang permit yung iba lol. kaya kahit tignan mong ganyan lang sila mga naka-iphone yan, isama mo na yung mga snatcher at holdaper sa diskarte lol. 

"Simply no place like Manila" mula sa kanta ng Hotdog. totoo talaga walang katulad. para nga daw babae ang Manila, binabalik-balikan. parang babae ang manila. sa kakumplikado nito lol jk. marami rin na ngangarap ang tumira dito. at isa na rin ako doon sa gustong bumalik pag dating ng araw. 

[margoism]

An AFK Adventure with Idol VaLoR

"Pwede ba ako dyan?"

Yan ang una niyang sinabi sa akin, naghahanap kasi ako ng ka Ygg duo sa guild chat nung araw na un - naaalala kong desperado na ako sa Eden coins kaya ayokong masayang ang pagkakataon magawa ang instance na un.

Naisip ko pa, aba, may nagoyo akong sumama sa akin.

Low DP kasi ako, alam mo na, di trip kasama ng majority. Tipong walang papatol sa iyo pag nagahanap ka ng kaparty sa world chat. Who you ka, kapal feys!

Sabihin na natin napahiya ang bida niyo at di kami umabot ng level 30. Expected ko na di na ako papansinin pagkatapos pero aba nakipagkwentuhan.

Ewan ko ba, pihikan naman ako sa kausap pero magaan naman ang loob ko sa kanya kaya ayun, mag iisang buwan na kaming regular na magkakwentuhan sa gabi sa 23.

Friendship Monthsary?! Michael Jordan? LoL.

Bakit ko alam? Eh inadd ko sa FB nung araw na un at nag message, un kaya ang date.

Okay, oo, golden rule. Wag basta basta add ng add ng friends sa FB. Eh wala naman ako tinatago and well, mabuti malaman na niya ng maaga sino kausap niya, ipagtagpi-tagpi na lang niya ang mga makikita at basa niya, hahaha. I mean, di naman ako scammer o chixi at kung tatanungin niya ako balang araw kung open minded ako at magkape kami minsan, eh sorry, hindi ako mahilig lumabas ng bahay, yayain na lang niya ako mag PVP at katayin na lang niya ako ng attack speed niya ng paulit-ulit (someday idol, maiisahan din kita, hahaha).

Anyway, sa present time.

Nakatulog siya nung isang gabi habang magkakwentuhan kami sa party chat. Naaliw ako at finorce follow ko siya na sundin ako sa buong mapa ng Rune Midgard. Ayun, nakapag MVP, TR, mini, at elite ang idol nating afk na si VaLoR. Kagabi naman, pinagbigyan niya ako at nag scripted afk siya.

non-verbatim: sige na, sa office na ako magwowork bukas ng gabi eh, 2 gabi ka rin makakatulog ng maagaa :P

(insert daming tawa here)

Siyempre, tuwang-tuwa lola niyo, kahit parang baliw na may nasunod na kapwa sniper (na malakas btw), G lang!

Adventure 1: Sinayawan Ko Siya

"Kinendeng mo kaso deadma" - koya, tip po, Jupe at ET run lang.

Bago siya natulog, ubos na raw comm tickets niya. Eh may 40 pa ako kaya ayan, ako na lang sumayaw...sinayawan ko si idol. Yes pwede ung 40 kahit afk kasama sa party, basta 2 kayo.

Adventure 2: Habol ng MVP at TR

Dharma best ghorl. AFK yarn.

(teeheehee GTB lang yan)

Adventure 3: Ikot Ikot Lang

Habang cooldown mga MVP, ikutin ang Rune Midgard!

Ulitin ko, afk si idol VaLoR. Today, di siya mamatay sa GH kasi nakakaKafra na siya.

Adventure 4: Inabutan ng Maintenance sa Huling MVP of the Day

Nagising siya na hinihintay na lang umappear ang OL.

Akala mo katapusan na ng mundo at pa maintenance na ng 7am, hahaha. Daming bilin, hanash, at paulit-ulit na "ingat ka, kumain ka, mamaya, sa Sabado, etc" kaming nalaman.

Ending, nag close ung app ng 7am at nag usap pa kami saglit sa messenger, hahaha.

Btw, twinning kami, "partner" costumes. Pinagbigyan kami ni ROO na magkaroon kami ng costume galing sa same gacha, hahaha.

...at least di ung moo-moo costume, may do do ng cow eh.

Hanggang sa susunod, na trip, abangan, hahaha.

[tiffaniaprinsesa-blog]

Talking Stage - Ghosted

T*ngina nananahimik ako!!!

So may kuwento ako mga mars. Diba nga birthday ko nung May 6. May mga nag-greet sakin. Isa na dun yung crush ko. Matagal ko na syang friend sa FB. Mga 2015 or 2016 pa. Nakilala ko sya sa birthday ng barkada (college classmate) ko, sa Novaliches. 3rd or 4th year kami nun. Napansin ko sya agad kasi maputi sya at malinis tignan. Nakashades pa nga ata sya nun kahit gabi na lol. Edi syempre tinanong ko sya sa friend ko. Sabi nung friend ko, may asawa’t anak na daw yun. Nalungkot ako. Sayang naman. Sya lang may itsura dun tapos taken pa. Banamanyan! Pero tinanong ko yung FB nya sa friend ko, you know naman stalker tayo. In-add ko sya. Tapos inaccept nya ko. Pero nalungkot ako ulit, kasi totoo ngang may partner na sya at anak. Hinayaan ko.

Lumipas ang madaming taon, fast forward to 2022. Nagsimula syang i-heart yung mga stories ko. May 6, 2022 birthday ko last year, nag-greet sya. Nag thank you lang ako. Kasi ano pa ba sasabihin ko? Hineart nya lang reply ko. End of convo. New year ng 2023 nag-greet sya ulit. Nireplyan ko lang din ng ‘Happy New Year din po’. End of convo ulit. Come May 6, 2023, ginreet nya ulit ako. Sabi ko ‘thank you po’. Sabi nya: bakit may po? Ako: kasi mas matanda po (yata) kayo? 😅 sya: ilang taon ka na ba? Ako: 28. Kayo po ba? Sya: 29 lang ako. So dun na nagstart yung convo namin. 1 week kaming magkausap pero sa 1 week na yun hindi solid yung usap namin kasi hindi ako mabilis magreply. Ewan ko? Siguro ayoko maoverwhelm sa feeling na ‘crush ako ng crush ko’. Ganun. I’ve put up walls. Nung unang nag videocall kami, weird yung naramdaman ko kasi parang controlling sya. Hindi sya gentle. Sabi nya pa “sige gawin mo muna yang ginagawa mo” wherein, ako naman gusto ko kunwari yung may ginagawa ako habang nakikipag-usap. Kasi awkward ako. Awkward para sakin yung walang ginagawa, yung usap lang talaga kayo. E introvert nga kasi ako kaya ganun. Nung 2nd videocall, dun ko na sya naenjoy. Kinikilig kilig na ko. Naappreciate ko na yung itsura nya tsaka boses. Tho may red flags na akong nakita (i.e. financial and attitude). So in short nagustuhan ko na sya, kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, “okay magrereply na ko ng mabilis this time tsaka sasagutin ko na tawag nya”. So parang sinabi ko na rin na okay mag iinvest na ko ng time and effort. Nakalast videocall ko pa sya. Tapos putangina! Biglang hindi na nagparamdam. Hindi na nagchat! Yung last chat nya “gawa mo?” Habang nagddrive sya pauwi. Pinalipas ko yung isang araw baka uminom lang or nalowbat. Tangina wala pa rin chat. Dun na ko nag-overthink ng malala.

Inisip ko na baka naaksidente sya kasi nga pauwi sya nun, nagddrive. Inisip ko na baka nasaksak habang nakikipag-inuman. Tangina diba? So hindi na nga ako mapalagay. Chinachat ko sya, nagsosorry ako. Sabi ko sorry kung di ko sya narereplyan ng mabilis kasi nga takot ako mafall agad. Mga ganun putangina! Nagtanong pa ko sa kanya sa chat kung naaksidente sya or what. Tangina diba? Hanggang sa chinat ko na yung pinsan ng ex wife nya. Friend ko rin sa fb. At boom! Dun ko nalaman na may girlfriend pala sya! Putangina makes sense! So nakarestrict siguro ako sa messenger kasi kikitain nya girlfriend nya. Isn’t it amazing? Tangina nya talaga! Hayop sya! Pinag-isip nya ko ng malala! Nakakatrauma. Akala ko ano nang nangyari sa kanya hayop sya.

So yun lang naman, kailangan ko lang to ikuwento dito para makamove on na ko. Iniyakan ko din tong hayp na to! Imagine?! 1 week lang kami nag-usap tapos iniyakan ko?! Feeling ko hindi sya yung main reason. Feeling ko trauma to. Sa past failed relationships, and past abuse, overall. Tangina sino iiyak sa 1 week na ka-talking stage?? Ni hindi nga solid yung connection namin. So yeah, feeling ko sobrang naglolong ako ng love to the point na akala ko eto na yun, tapos hindi na naman pala. Alam mo yun, maiiyak ka talaga sa disappointment. 😢

Nananahimik kasi ako!!! Bat ako ginreet?!?!?!? 😤😡

[eccemark]

IDK the more na nakakasama ko itong circle na sinasamahan ko the more na nakikita ko ang ugali nila na parang hindi ko na ata matatagalan LOL as the sole introvert sa group, at hindi masalita - nagoobserve lang ako sa mga gawa nilang hindi ako masyadong agree hahaha

gfg - the matriarch, bumuo ng sarili nyang crony (derogatory) aka “friends” dahil lagi syang nanlilibre, opinyon nya lang ang valid, mayabang, maingay, laging hindi papatalo, isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ako tumataba

hfy - maingay, OG friend ni gfg, dahil taga-probinsya buong buo ang value nya ng “utang na loob” kaya halos sambahin na nya si gfg, hindi ko lang gusto na halatang halata sya kung may gwapong student sa gilid mej nakakahiya sya, may nagkwento saking student na puro kabastusan daw ang tinuturo LOLS

uop - maingay, friend ko kuno na nag introduce sakin ng crony ni gfg, tbh maaasahan sya sa pakikipagkapwa tao, first impression mo sa kanya magagalingan ka talaga, pero kapag nagtagal makikilala mo rin kung sino sya hahahahaha well dahil kilala ko sya simula pa nung highschool LOLS hindi ko bet sa kanya yung balibalikong prinsipyo nya, ang kayabangan na pinapakita nya sa lahat minor pa lang yun, lets see kapag nag all out na sya hahaha

wty - isa rin sa nahila ni gfg sa group, okay naman overall kasi cool lang, pero ang hindi ko bet yung cheating nya na sinusuportahan pa nila uop at iba pang mga students, mej eww ako sa part na yun

prq - maingay, nahila lang ulit nila gfg hindi ko alam kung paano, masayang kasama dahil hindi ka titigil sa kakatawa, though tbh unang tingin ko sa kanya may bad vibes na agad, isa rin na puro salita lang pero underneath may corruption na tinatago hahahahaha at puro hasty generalization, mayabang

tyu - maingay, isa ring nahugot ni gfg somewhere, love na love raw si gfg pero ang habol lang naman e bigyan sya ng work load, ito talaga solid na mayabang, go lang kung saan sya masaya

nhg - ito friend ko na nung nagpaparttime pa lang ako, okay naman, may ugali din kasi mej matanda na hahahaha

Well ako lang naman ang parang sampid sa group, pero keri lang, kaya ko namang makasurvive alone, simula siguro next year hahanap na ko ng pwesto na pwede akong mag me-time. Sa totoo lang hindi healthy na kasama ko sila palagi. Yun lang. 

December 20, 2022 10:15pm

[patalipat-blog]

Dagliang pag-uwi

Nov 24, 2024, 09:02pm

Onboard the bus now, pabalik ng Laguna.

Ang bilis ng weekend na ito. I thought I was going home simply to visit Papa and our home matapos dumaan ang dalawang bagyo. Pero it’s more than that pala.

When I arrived in Naga, first agenda ay kumain sa plaza dahil super gutom na. Hala, nung oorder nako di ako makapagsalita haha. Yun bang alam ko yung salita pero di ko mabigkas. Iba rin ang dating ng Centro, apakatahimik at konti ang tao and stalls. Bakas pa rin ang ilang putik at alikabok mula nung Bagyong Kristine. Marami ring establishments na sarado pa. Sa moment na ito, narerealize ko nang namimiss ko rin pala ang Naga.

The last time I went home, parang salisi lang akong pumasok ng bahay. This time, I honestly didn’t know what to expect.

When I arrived home, ang stuffy ng feeling sa bahay probably because of the recent flooding. Tas si Papa, visibly pagod at pumayat. I was low-key worried pa kasi yung left eye niya na dati nang may something, parang mas humina na. Yun bang parang tinatanaw niya na lang ako. Buti tho the following day okay naman na. Fatigue lang siguro that night.

I also slept so well when I arrived that night. Iba rin talaga siguro pag alam ng katawan mo na nasa bahay ka.

That day nagkasabay din kami ni Papa kumain twice. Iba pa rin talaga pag may makakasabay talaga si Papa, kahit pano may makakamonitor kung kumakain ba talaga siya nang tama. Tsaka iba rin yung may nakakausap, hindi lang yung panay sarili lang. Palagay ko yun din ang kulang ko. Oo, marami akong classmates na nakakausap araw-araw. Pero iba pa rin pag galing sa bahay ang kakumustahan mo.

Naggrocery rin pala ako that morning. Ang odd kasi sobrang konti lang ang namimili. Pero it feels comforting din na kahit paano may masiguro kong may supplies sa bahay habang wala ako.

After grocery, mga aso naman ang inasikaso. Napansin ko kasi ang tatamlay nila at ang dudungis. Ayun pala, grabe ang gutom kasi pellets lang lagi kinakain. Grabe rin ang uhaw. Ayun, ipinagluto ko ng malaking kalabasa at hinaluan ng kanin. Kanina paggising ko masigla na rin sila. Nakalmot pa nga ako ni Amber lol! Pero jusq tong mga asong to, sino kaya mag-aalaga sa kanila ngayong pati si Ella ay aalis na rin.

Late afternoon, byahe kami ni Riza papunta kina Krizelle. Nakaburol kasi ang kanyang tatay. Saglit na kita-kita lang, sa unfortunate occasion pa. Pero mabuti rin na kahit paano nakapagcatch up. Andun din si Anthony haha, Pisay schoolmate na boyfriend na pala now ng kapatid ni Krizelle.

Afterwards, ang pagpag ko ay masahe haha. After ilang months, ngayon lang uli. Grabe na sakit ng likod ko.

Ngayong araw, laundry day tas pinakain din uli ang mga aso. Tas lumabas kami ni Love, kumain at nagmovie.

Grabe tong Wicked, naiyak ako dun sa eksenang inembrace ni Elphaba yung pambubully sa kanya, and nagkacharacter development din si Glinda kasi sinamahan niyang sumayaw si Elphie. Naiyak din ako doon sa bahagi na nakalipad na si Elphie at malaya na siya. Grabe sobrang powerful, natapik ako doon tungkol sa mga ideals ko now. Like I don’t exactly need to blend in; I need to remember my core.

Namimiss ko rin si Love. Iba pa rin talaga pag magkasama. Oftentimes natetake for granted ko lang noon ehh kasi lagi na kami magkasama. Pero iba rin kapag napalayo for a while tas nagkasama kayo. I wish I could hold him more. I wish I could spend time with him at makausap siya more. Namimiss ko na yung uma-umaga naming kape. Namimiss ko na si Love.

Nung naglalakad na ako sa SM, to prepare for byahe, naiiyak ako. Ganito rin nafeel ko nung byahe after reading break. I wouldn’t deny, namimiss ko rin ang Naga. Namimiss ko ang mga tao. Ang heavy rin sa feeling. But that’s life, I need to widen my horizons and step out of my comfort zone. Preparation na rin ito for the years to come, lalo if I really want to live my life and reach my goals.

Paalam muna, Naga. Magkikita naman tayo soon.

[littlepiety]

to our first tyanaks

221124 | 0826pm better late than never ✌️😗

I chose not to tell you this sa last f2f day natin kasi for sure hindi ko mapipigilan lumuha habang nagsasalita hahaha. I'm not that good at keeping my emotions at bay dahil mababaw ang luha ko lalo na kapag heart-to-heart talk ang usapan. So instead, I chose to write something for you to let this out and to let you know how I truly appreciate your section. I wrote this immediately on the same day para raw ang feelings habang nagtitipa ng sasabihin ko.

Piety, I cannot imagine my first year of teaching without you. To be honest, Grade 7 talaga ang first choice kong turuan na obviously, hindi agad nangyari hahaha. Hindi ko na ieexplain in full details kung paano ako na-assign sa Grade 8. Basta all along, I knew na kung hindi Grade 7, okay na ako sa Grade 8. And out of all the choices I made, isa 'to sa mga hinding hindi ko pinagsisisihan.

Bilang first main teacher sa batch namin, sobrang ngarag ako sa mga bagay na dapat kong gawin. Alam na alam ko kung paanong magturo at kung gaano kahirap ang magturo, pero walang demo kung paano ikalma yung sarili at kung paano hindi atakihin ng kaba habang papalapit ka na sa classroom na pagtuturuan mo. Before I met all of you, marami nang nagsabi na ibang teachers na clingy kayo pero mababait na mga bata. Which is totoo naman lol.

Noong first day ng klase, I'm more than excited to actually meet the class. Gusto ko nang makilala kung sino-sino ba ang mga bata sa Piety. Alam 'yan ng ibang English PSTs dahil maligalig ako kapag masaya at naeexcite. Pero habang pababa na ako ng faculty, para akong hinihila ng anxiety.

Mas dumoble yung kaba nung pumasok ako sa classroom n'yo. Kasi no'ng una, rinig kong maingay. Pero pagpasok ko, nanahimik. Sa utak ko, nakailang-"OMG" na ako sa kaba. Sa isip ko, lahat ng matang nakatingin sa akin ngayon, nagsisimula nang husgahan ang pagkatao ko. Bilang awkward na tao, hindi ko na sigurado kung paano ko natapos yung isang oras na hindi nahimatay sa kaba.

Admittedly, there were numerous lapses on my end as a teacher. May mga araw na feeling ko, hindi talaga para sa akin 'tong pinili ko na maging trabaho. Minsan, kapag 8 AM classes, gusto ko na lang umiyak.

Pero sa maraming beses na sinabi kong ayaw ko na, tinapatan 'yon ng maraming beses na sinabi kong gusto ko pa pala. Hinding hindi ko malilimutan yung unang PA na binigay ko sa inyo. Ang instructions ko lang naman sa inyo noon ay gumawa ng story map tapos bahala na kayo sa design. Ang hindi ko ineexpect ay yung effort na binuhos niyo para magpasa ng good quality output. Noong nakita ko isa-isa yung mga gawa niyo, 'yun ang unang beses na na-heal ang pagod ko. Isa sa factors ay ito kasi yung unang output na checheckan ko sa buong buhay ko as a teacher. Pero ultimately, sino ba naman ako at ang subject na hawak ko para pag-effortan? Tuwang-tuwa talaga ako sa mga pinasa niyo na inisa-isa ko pang ipinagmalaki sa ibang PSTs kung paano kayo nag-effort. Ganito pala yung pakiramdam na pag-effortan. Pinicturan ko pa 'yon isa-isa bilang remembrance ko.

Sabi ko rin nung una, dapat maging katulad ako ni Queen Elsa, cold as ice. Yung tipo na firm at kung kinakailangan, maging distant, dahil ayokong umabot sa point na mawawala yung respeto ninyo sa amin bilang teachers niyo. Kaya nga hindi ako nag-insist na gumawa ng GC for first quarter. Ugali ko kasi na kapag trabaho, everything must be done seriously. I don't play when it comes to work, na probably alam na alam ni si Marrione at sir Jan. Sa aming tatlo, I know na ako ang may pinaka-stern na ugali. Hindi rin kasi ako marunong maglambing. Ang pinaka-subtle form ng lambing ko ay mag-extend ng deadlines at magbigay ng additional points para sa inyo. Caring akong tao. I can sympathize very well, but beyond that, I can't be sweet and loving. Hindi ko kaya yung klase ng lambing na mayroon ang ibang teachers. Itong letter, ilang beses kong pinag-isipan kung kailan ang magandang timing para ibigay.

Pero ang lakas niyo sa part na you somehow melted the Queen Elsa in me. Nakakatuwa na kapag FOD ako o kahit kapag naglalakad lang, may mga batang sisigaw ng "Ma'am Jas!" kahit wala naman talagang sasabihin. Nakakaaliw ring marinig yung sasabihin ng iba sa inyo na miss niyo na mag-English class (kahit 'di naman talaga lol) dahil puros suspensions.

Marami akong mamimiss for sure after nito. Most probably, ang pinaka-mamimiss ko ay yung pagbabasa ng mga written outputs niyo kahit minsan 'di ko na maintindihan ang penmanship niyo. Kapag kasi nagbabasa ako ng gawa niyo, nakikilala ko kayo isa-isa.

me sa written outputs n'yo

Hindi ako makaiyak nung umaga hanggang tanghali na nagpaalam na kami ni sir Marrione kasi 'di pa nagsisink in sa akin na last na pala. Kasi alam kong sa hapon, may club day at makikita ko ulit yung iba sa inyo kasi members naman ng FIDES. Pero nung hapon na pauwi na ako, saka ko naramdaman yung void sa loob ko. Ang lungkot kasi 'yon na pala talaga yung last na f2f lecture. Beyond the gifts na natanggap ko bilang teacher, nakakaiyak marinig at mabasa na mamimiss niyo kami. Tanda ko na may nagsabi sa akin na sana sa JHS ako magtrabaho para makikita pa rin niya ako. I just want you to know na nakakatouch marinig 'yung mga ganoong salita kasi ayun yung pinaka-validation namin, dahil nalalaman naming may impact pala kami sa inyo, at kahit sa maikling panahon, naging importante kami sa inyo.

Mamimiss ko kayo nang sobra sobra, Piety. Being our first children as teachers, you'll always hold a special place in my heart and in my teaching career. We root for everything that you do kahit hindi niyo na kami teachers, and we hope you'll be able to reach whatever it is that you dream of. Always have faith in yourselves just as how we have faith in you. Enjoyin niyo ang HS life niyo ha? Tulog tulog din. xoxo

(Song dedication: Thunder by BOYS LIKE GIRLS)

[marineliene]

Proof of Life 2024/Wedding Prep rants

Hi, my dearest dashboard. I'm back to emotional dump you without your consent lol.

2024 is my year. Well actually the 2nd half of 2023 has been good to me, too, since inacknowledge nila ang kagandahan ko haha eme. I never dreamed to participate in a pageant and win 'em...or yes, I did dream pero more like a thought na dumaan lang hahaha (buti walang Q&A lol).

In Feb. 2024, I was able to transfer to a new company and tinanggap ako ng manager as a career shifter aka may nabudol akong boss wahaha joke. Pero he understood my dilemma and he wants me to pursue my career growth under his team. I'm so very grateful. Although, within this year din, muntikan ko silang iwan dahil I couldn't cope with a team member's attitude, my manager asked me to stay and hindi daw siya maghahire ng kapalit ko. Me as someone who kinda understands na masasayang yung resources na nainvest sakin dahil di mapapakinabangan, I decided to stay.

And lastly, I'll be married later this year to @t1m0t5, the man of my dreams haha uwu🥹👉👈. We spent a year slowly laying the details of the event, and as of this writing, ilang araw nalang bago ang big day yaaay (pero andami pa naming kulang! TT_TT)

In those past few months, masaya ako nung nilalatag ko yung mga details. In within those months, natuto rin ako magdrive because I figured we would need wheelzzz para makapunta sa events place. I was really happy with the planning, meeting up with our entourages, dress and suit fitting, DIY-ing souvenirs, scrolling sa Lazada lol, counting the budget, etc. Nag-enjoy at the same time, nagiguilty kasi kahit during work, di ko maiwasan trabahuin yung kasal.

Pero after ng 2nd family meet, nawalan ako ng gana. I hate my thoughts kasi it shows na I'm not family-oriented. I hated it na feeling ko slightly nawalan ako ng control in some aspects for the sake of pleasing the family. I had unpleasant thoughts na rin pero alam ko namang maldita ako so ilalagay ko nalang din dito lol. Like, kami naman nagbayad ng almost everything (venue, food, dress, suit, entourage dress and accessories, rooms!), hindi kami humingi ng pandagdag, request nalang namin is punta sila and sila nalang bahala sa transpo and susuotin nila...so bakit sila nangpupuna? Like, initially gusto talaga namin civil nalang para tipid pero nagrequest sila na may ceremony dahil kami ang 1st sa both families na ikakasal.

I started questioning myself kung ano ba talaga ang kasal. Is it a family event? Social event? I see it as a celebration of our union and ang mindset ko is to invite immediate family, friends who were there when my fiance and I started as a couple, friends who we met and bonded as a couple, and people who supported me and my fiance as individuals. Parang birthday party lang, but make birthday into wedding. So I don't see the point of inviting (my) distant relatives na wala namang kamalay-malay sa relasyon namin. Limited lang yung seats ng inavail naming package so we really have to carefully select our guests. Ang gusto is iinvite ang mga aunties and cousins out of respect????

Di naman pupunta yan. Magsend ka lang ng invite.

Eh what if pumunta nga? Sino magshoshoulder ng additional pax? Diba kami? I'm sorry, di ko talaga magets yung point kung bakit sesendan ng invite pero di mo naman siya gusto dun sa event huhuuuu I really feel bad kasi feeling ko ang sama kong tao, at the same time, I'm just looking after our finances. And like sinabi ko na ilang beses na ayoko, but my parents won't yiiieeeeld!! try ko lang daaaaww huhu. Super nafrustrate ako kasi nagtatalo yung thought na "kami ang ikakasal, kami ang masusunod" at "family mo pa rin sila, baka naman natulungan ka nila dati in ways that you haven't seen, chance mo na para maggive back"

Then they also made fun(?) of/criticized my dress, kesyo revealing daw, lalamigin daw ako (since Tagaytay yung venue), mama shook her head in disapproval, di daw ako makakasagot ng 'I do' sa lamig. Nung nag-1st fitting ako, ang saya ko kasi nasunod yung peg ko, although slightly di siya bumagay sakin dahil wala na akong curves, but I love the dress. After that meeting, I would occassionally look at my pic of 1st fitting in the hopes na matuwa ako kasi ang ganda ng dress, kaso nalulungkot lang ako kapag naaalala ko yung comments nila. Wala ako maalalang may sinabi silang "uy, ang ganda!", deretso criticize agad. Like, gets ko concern nila na baka lamigin ako and all, pero hindi ba nila pwede sabihing "wow ang ganda, siguro iwork out mo lang yung sleeves para di ka lamigin, ganitong design oh". Like it's supposed to be my fiance and my best day! pero maiisip ko lang na hindi ako up to their standard on that day. Pinakita ko na sa mga entourage ko ung dress in the hopes na mavalidate yung nafifeel ko, kaso wala, nakakalungkot pa din. Alam ko namang kasal namin yon and no other opinion should matter, pero I can't help it, kung kaya ko lang kalimutan mga sinabi nila to bring back my confidence. Hahahaha kinangina babaw ng problema ko diba.

Tapos makakakita pa ako ng mga comments ng taong on their high horse, na feeling nila angat sila dahil civil wedding sila vs. sa mga nag-opt for wedding events. Lowkey nabash rin sa office dahil sa choice namin magkaroon ng wedding event, sabi niya "dapat di nyo na ginastusan ang kasal niyo, pinanghoneymoon niyo nalang sa Japan, tangena neto eh", "tangina mo rin atleast ako ikakasal na, ikaw 5 years nang single" will be my TOTGA clapback. At least nga may sasahurin ang mga tao dahil sa mga events management and suppliers pwe

Tapos yung cash gift na ibibigay ng relative from abroad, kakaltasan ng aking magaling na pamilya. Well, I don't have it yet pero they were joking na kakaltasan nila dahil sa father ko itatransfer yung $$$. Di ko alam kung joke or totohanin, pero minsan hirap din talaga ako sa kanila pag usaping pera kasi umuutang sila pero nakakalimutan na/nagiging thank you for the money nalang. Kaya siguro hindi magsit well sa akin yung ganyan nilang biro kasi feeling ko totohanin nila. Like nung bata pa kami ang higpit nila sa pera tapos ngayon...ganyan?

Tapos yung mother ko, nagbibiro na ipagdrive kami sa honeymoon namin like...!?!?!??! naka-3x ata siyang magbiro ng ganun and I said no everytime. Idk sobrang patola ko na napipikon ako sa lahat ng biro nila. It's on me, I know.

Sorry for airing my dirty laundry here. Ilang araw na rin siya bumabagabag sakin, gusto ko balikan ung planning kasi onting araw nalang yung event pero marami pa rin kaming kulang. Wrong timing yung pagkawala ng gana ko and ayoko rin naman maging disaster yung event namin kasi feeling ko magrereflect samin yun as a couple, pero idk meron ba dapat kaming iplease lol. Hopefully, by letting my heart out here, makamove forward ako and continue with the planning and all.

[benefits1986]

xocial xp

Fear not for I am with you, even if you feel like you don't exist.

Shit post incoming because today is a day of social experiments to the tune of "Here's Me Trying Not To Be Avoidant And How I'm Failing So Far" however, let's go. We're giving the warm-up games of life a good try. Perhaps, this might cure my perpetual boredom and non-existent pake.

Hmmmm... how do we start?

I guess I really find it weird to talk to people who are the exact opposite of my lived realities. Bakit naman kasi minsan na nga lang ako mag-yes sa mga social experiments tapos ang usual takada e mga kakaibang nilalang na 'di ko naman kauri as a non-class s na halimaw? LOL. Alam mo 'yung okay sige. Eto ko. Ano ka diyan? Ganern. Nakakatawa lang din kasi in fairness naman, may glimmers (?) kahit shimmering on the surface. Wala e. Ano ka pa ba? Ano pa beyond the obvious ka? That is what I wanna dig... deep and hard. Rar. Ganern. And so, ayun na nga. 'Yan na lang muna because... abangan na lang natin ang mga kaganapang susunod. Ayun.

Ganito, oks naman burger with large fries and large drinks. Pero calamares sa kanto girllly ako e. Pero puwede rin naman baby squid na calamari na may lemon sa ibabaw tapos may garlic aioli dip with freshly crushed black pepper. Ayun lang muna.

Saka ko na lang kwento 'pag may ending na. Ending agad? LOL. Basta. IYKYK. EMS.

Next, nagdasal ako ng taimtim sa favorite church ever ko kahit 'di naman ako nagsisimba madalas. Super rare akong mag-church kasi wala lang. I fucking hate traditions. Tonight, opak. Todo dasal mode tayo for some things na kailangan ng matindeng divine intervention. Halos walang tao at may lamig pa ang kakapatay lang na AC kaya naman, kahit 'di na umabot sa Adoration Chapel because kakatamad magtanggal ng shoes (Hahahaha), hala sige. Magandang move 'to.

Nakakatawa 'yung dasal ko. Actually, pinagdasal ko na 'yung isang intention mga 12 years ago. OPAK. Pero, looking back, hindi siya taos-puso noon. Medyo lang. Kung baga, hindi siya half-assed pero 'di siya full force tulad nung pinagdasal ko mom ko sa last breaths niya. LOL. 'Di rin siya tulad ng pagdadasal ko para sa ngalan ng Ikot at Toki kahit 'di naman ako magiging bona fide ever bilang doon lang tayo sa hanash ng grad school. LOL. Mga pinagdadasal ko talaga, weird noh? 'Yung mga pang-legit deliksss levelsss 10000000 na.

And so, etong isa kong intention, iba na siya ngayon. Shemayyyy. Hahaha. Mabait na ako. LOL. On track. LUH. Shettttt. Ayun lang. No prayer reveal. Saka na 'pag nasagot na. Or baka naman ang sagot talaga ay no. LUH.

Second and pinaka number 1 ngayon e 'di naman para sa akin. Lagi naman yatang mga 80% ng dasal ko 'di para sa akin. As a sinner in scarlet kasi ako. Hahahaha. Saka, ayun, parang oks naman ako in general kahit spiral malala. Hahaha. Grabe 'yung hugot ng prayer na 'to kasi naman, naman, naman. Ayun. 'Di na lang din muna reveal because feelings natin about this szn e pina-process pa natin mainam.

Speaking of processing feelings, para maiba naman. Eto na. Magiging non-negotiable ko na talaga ang mga tao na 'di marunong makinig. Kasi ako, oks akong listener na madalas delulu cheerleader pa tapos kahit deliks na, enabler pa ako. So, kapag ako, nagpakawala ng feelings na 'di naman madalas, aba, sana naman e magkaroon ng small ears, hearing, hearing all the time. IYKYK.

In general 'to, sa lahat ng aspects. Here's me trying to communicate how I feel, why I feel, and what I feel na. 'Di na tayo autopilot na problem solver na delulu solulu ang stress language sa life. Ending burnout - hiatus - CTRL ALT DEL. In the same manner, siguro need ko rin i-reintroduce sarili ko lalo na small circle ko. :p

Simply put, 'pag walang empathy kausap ko, EKIS ka na agad. TRIPLE EKIS. Perioddddttzzz. Bye. Kahit sino ka pa. Kahit ano ka pa. Wala akong pake. 'Di na talaga ako magpapalampas ng mga red flags ngayon. Tapos na ako diyan.

Or baka naman, time to prune it again. Hala siya. Small na nga, gawin pa nating smaller and smaller circle? EMS. Abangan. Puwede namang sa outside the small circle pero nasa circle pa rin 'di ba? Minsan kasi talaga, when you change (sana naman for the better), may mga maa-outgrow ka talagang connections kahit gaano pa sila ka-deep or kaya naman, mage-evolve mala-Pokemon ang mga connections mo na 'to kung both parties ay willing and able consistently. O, child. This is very, very curious.

As a recovering AA (avoidant anonymous), sige, let's give things a good try, unti-unti on the way to lagi-lagi. EMSSSSS. Hahahahaha.

Lordeeee naman, bakit 'yung prayer kong isa mabilis ang mga kaganapan or social construction na naman ba 'to bilang a chair is not a chair in the same manner that a chair is chair, too? CHARAUGHT. Paki fast-track 'yung number 2 kasi nga, marami na naman akong bagong pimples na mala-bulutong tubig dagat kakaisip. Hahahaha. Pero sabi nga... Fear not for I am with you. Add ko na rin: Fear not for I am with you, even when you feel like 'di ka valid lalo na hidden feelings mo. HAHAHAHAHA. Sino ka dyan? Let's go for purple people who will actually listen in kasi deserve ko 'yan. Need ko 'yan kahit ayoko siya. Hahahahahaha. And don't be mean naman din to people who don't give a shit about listening. Malay mo, mismong sarili nila, 'di nila pinakikinggan kaya ganun sila? Or baka, ayaw lang din nilang pakinggan sarili nila kasi it's easier and less risky. Usto mo yun? Bait ko na 'di ba? Hahahahahaha.

Note to shit self: 'Wag nating ipilit na magbago o umayon ang mga tao sa non-negotiables natin. Please lungs. Nasubukan na natin 'yan ages ago, kaya, paki usap. Tantanan na.

I feel better as I am ending this shit post. Bukas ulit! Time to go biking with the wonky B babbbbyyyyy. Forda unli ahon incoming soon. HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI. And check natin kung road to riding a scooter na rin 'to na matagal ko na ring tinatanaw on weekends along Tags and the sedated south streets. AHOOO. ACHOOOO. Let's keep failing forward, taruuhhhh!

Iba ang Leo szn 2024. Roaring rar. Blazing in all shades of blue. Keep it up. Keep up. Maiba naman. Brene Brown szn is officially on and on and on. LUH SIYA, MHIE. Katakowwwttt.

PS: Milestone ko today forda small win is I talked to this mala-parental ko sa community. I look and feel peaceful daw. OPAK. Sabi ko after all this time? EMS. Nagpa-thank you ako with kinda tiny tear that doesn't fall because, alam mo na. O baka kasi nga, magkamukha kami ng nanay kong dragon sa szn na 'to. Baka final szn ko na rin 'di po ba? Sobrang tagal ko rin 'tong inantay. Mga 12 years. Hahahaha. O baka kasi outta MNL na rin tayo because... abangan!

[meyngirl]

This day is just too much for me.

I never thought I’d ever be thankful for the days that I’ve cried so hard. Dami ko nang iniiyak kaya nung nabasa ko yung message mo today, manhid na ko.

I think God prepared me for this.

He was preparing me since last year, kay Winona pa lang. lols para pagdating sa ganitong pagkakataon siguro hindi nako sobra sobra pa masasaktan.

If I’m on the same mental space I was from last year… magbbreakdown ako panigurado.

But I see all this coming…

I saw this message coming, last week pa lang nung narealize kong may iba na.

Okay na din ako Coco na magmahal ka ng iba.

Ako, siguro matagal tagal pa. Andami ko pang kelangan iheal at ayusin sa buhay ko.

I just remember how I begged to God (noon), na sana ikaw na. Kasi hindi ko kaya na wala ka.

Yet here I am. Kinakaya ko.

At KAYA KO PALA.

Na-ER ako today. And all I can say is mas masakit yung injection kesa sa pamamaalam mo today. Lol

I think sign or time na din for me to move forward. I mean nagmmove forward naman ako, but this time mas pursigido ako kasi mas madali na sakin tanggapin na wala na talaga.

Galing mo kasi forda commnunicate ka pa kay Mama, nahohopia tuloy ako minsan. Pero this time, I know. WALA NA TALAGA.

It’s 8:05 PM. Pagod na pagod ako, maaga siguro ako magsleep tonight.

I think this will be my last note.

Salamat din sa lahat Coco.

Sana this time sa babaeng makakasama mo, alagaan mo syang maigi.

Iparamdam mo palagi na mahal mo sya.

Ibigay mo yung emotional needs nya.

Know her.

Learn her.

Kung pano sya mag receive ng love. Love her in that way at wag ka mahihiya o matatakot iparamdam sa kanya na mahal mo sya. Swear, kapag ginawa mo yun in a way na mararamdaman nya, iba yung saya nyan. And she will give it back double! Or ten folds pa nga.

Never forget yung mga special occasions. Girls might tell you na wag na mag-abala at magbigay ng gift. But still! Gift her. Gifts don’t have to be expensive. I remember noon pinitas mo lang ako ng santan sa labas ng bahay nina Eagle haha ansaya ko kaya non. Diba naaalala ko pa? Kasi yung mga ganong bagay, tumatatak yun. It’s not the gift, it’s the thought na naalala mo sya. Na naisip mong pasayahin sya kahit thru simple gestures. And it’s one of the “just because” gifts, yung wala lang naaalala mo lang, naisip mo lang kasi nga gusto mo mapasaya yung tao.

Wag mo na hahayaan na hindi kayo nagkakaayos agad. Communicate. Kapag matagal na hindi kayo nag uusap, nasasanay kayong wala ang isat-isa. Lumalamig. Naffall-out.

I know you are dating to marry.

Kaya nireready ko na din ang sarili ko sa possibility na sa kanya ka magppropose.

Ngayon pa lang, sabihin ko na na happy ako for you.

I have nothing but best wishes.

Happy ako na nakatagpo ka na ng iba.

Weird right? Parang nung mga nakaraang araw lang yung posts ko dito is nasasaktan ako. Well, sino bang hindi? Minahal kita nang sobra e. Kahit papano masakit pa din makita na yung tao/relasyon na nilaban mo nang sobra para magwork is mapupunta na sa iba.

And if it’s true that you are already a better person after our relationship, it’s just sad na hindi na ako yung makakaranas noon.

I am always the stop-over, the lesson-learned but never someone’s destination.

But I will be okay. I am hurting until I didnt. Narealize ko na wala na din naman ako magagawa. And even if the situation is different, alam ko din naman sa sarili ko na hindi ko na din kaya bumalik. We’re two different person now, it’s just too late.

Anyways, ipagpray mo naman na sana ako din. 🥹

Ayun lang, Coco, Sir Ecko, Co, Love.

Salamat. I guess, good bye na? 🥺

[cgtrrs]

Written last July 1, 2023

HINDI KO ALAM BAKIT SIYA

________________________________________

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan to. Pero, gusto ko magpasalamat kay Lord kasi He let me witnessed how amazing your journey to Him. Sobrang hindi ko maintindihan yung sarili ko. Sa bawat araw na nakakasama at nakikilala kita mas lalo ako humahanga sa iyo. It's not about the looks no (wag kang feeling lol char) siguro ang cringe kung sasabihin ko 'to sayo. Kasi kahit ako, Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hahahaha! Pero simula nung nakaramdam ako ng kakaiba, I'm starting to pray to God na tama ba na i admire kita. 

Nakakatakot, ang unusual at ang awkward siguro no? Pero, na amazed siguro talaga ako sayo on how you accept God to your life. Kung paano mo siya tinanggap at paano mo siya kinilala. Hindi na nag matter sakin kung ano yung estado mo sa buhay, kung ano na ba yung narating mo or kung ano man yung mga nakaraan na base sa mga kinukwento mo. 

I admired you the most, yung pagmamahal na meron ka sa Panginoon. Kung paano mo hinayaan si Lord na baguhin ang buhay mo. At kung paano ka mag react sa mga bagay bagay patungkol sa kanya, dun lahat ng matter. ☝️

Plus, I saw kung gaano mo tinatrabaho yung mga dinidesire ng puso mo at mga pangarap mo sa buhay. Kung paano mo kagusto maging successful one day (kaso minsan, sa sobrang dami mong gustong gawin, di mo na alam ang uunahin. Lol)

I saw in you a MAN OF FULL DREAMS! Gusto kong suportahan yung bagay na yun. I want to help you on that journey. Gusto kitang tulungan sa abot na makakaya ko. Because I have vision that someday kung talagang pagtatrabuhan mo, pagsisikapan, at maging consistent sa bagay na gusto mo, you'll be successful in life.

And if it's God's will, sana isa ako sa mga taong makakasama mo sa byahe mo na yun. 

Hindi naman kasi lahat ng babae, ang gusto e yung successful na lalaki agad sa buhay. Minsan, mas gusto namin samahan yung tao through his journey. 

Sa ngayon, pinagpepray ko pa din tong nararamdam ko. Dahil hindi ako sigurado at hindi ko alam kung will ba ng Lord tong nararamdaman ko. 

At yung tinanong mo kung sino yung taong pinagpepray ko nung mga panahon na kausap kita "IKAW" yun. Ayaw kong sabihin kasi pag sinabi ko edi nalaman mo na. HAHAHA 

I know naman na may taong ka ng dinidesire. At wala naman akong laban dun. And that's okay. Si Lord naman ang may alam ng lahat eh.

Kahit ano pa man, hindi ko alam kung anong plano ni Lord. Pinagdadasal ko pa din to, kahit na impossible! 🙌

[enragedfroglet]

hindi ko alam pero back on my shs years, i always thought about the idea of having someone na maga-dedicate sa akin ng kanta. i remember na it kinda feels sweet and endearing. alam mo ‘yun? like someone was grateful na they’ve got to meet you in this lifetime. your existence. you.

pero ngayong college na ako, i realized na i will never dedicate a song for someone. nakakatakot na baka balang araw, ‘yung kanta—na tig-cherish and tig-dedicate ko para sa taong ‘yun—might hurt me.

kaya... eto. kung sino ka man, don’t dedicate a song for me. lols. desisyon ‘yarn? pero kasi, nakakatakot. it might also hurt you someday...

[heyncsngre]

#TOTGA

Ngayon ko na napatunayan na ang TOTGA (The One That Got Away) ko talaga ay si Reniel. Sobrang click naming dalawa, unang beses pa mga lang naming magkita naging komportable na agad kami.

Nasa J2 kami noon, tapos yung friend na friend ni peyt e naglalaro din. 5 silang taga-electron at isa si reniel doon, magkatalikuran kami ng upuan. Nagkaayaan mag-5v5, STI vs ELECTRON sa LOL. tapos nung medyo mainit na yung laro kasi sobrang galing nyang maglaro at eguls kami (Diamond ba naman kasi sya tapos kami ang pinakamataas lang e platinum) kaya nasakal ko sya. Simula noong nakakasama na namin sila maglaro hanggang sa nagkayayaan na lumabas-labas then ayun nagkaligawan na.

Sobrang click namin ni Reniel, masasabi kong sobrang komportable ako sa kanya. Hindi ako naging sino kay reniel, sobrang felt like home talaga ako kapag sya ang kasama ko. Syempre hindi naman din kami perfect pareho, may pagkakataon na nagkakatampuhan kami, nagkakainisan, pero ayun nagkakabati din. Meron pa nga na nahuli ako ni reniel na nagsinungaling sa kanya e hahahaha. Hindi ako nagpahatid sa kanya kasi pinka reason ko e ayaw ko muna magpahatid pero ang nireason out ko sa kanya ay may tupad ako, tapos biglang inabangan nya pala ako sa terminal namin tapos nakita nya ako nakapila at pinicturan nya pa ako hahahahah nung nagkita kami tinry nya akong hulihin kung magsasabi ba ako nang totoo pero knowing me guys, hindi talaga ako nagsabi nang totoo, hanggang sa pinakita na lang nya sakin yung pic nya tapos boom HAHAHAHA nahuli na ako, inamin ko na din. Ramdam ko na sobrang inis nya, pinagsabihan nya ako pero mahinahon pa rin. Nakipag negotiate sya na ayaw nya ng ganun, sorry talaga reniel. I didnt feel anyone lang talaga that time.

Kung halimbawang may next life, at magkakaroon ng pagkakataong pagtatagpuin kaming ulit, sisiguraduhin kong hahanapin ko siya, pero sa panahon na yun sisiguraduhin ko ding hindi ko na sya masasaktan. Deserve lahat ni reniel lahat ng kabutihan sa mundo. Napakabuti nyang tao.

Pwede naman akong ibad mouth ni reniel dito kasi hindi ko naman malalaman. Pwede niyang isisi sa kaartehan ko bakit hindi natuloy yung something samin, pero mas pinili nyang manahimik at hindi ako ibad mouth behind my back kahit na 2 beses ko na syang nasaktan.

Napakabuti mo reniel, hindi mo alam kung gano mo napasaya yung puso ko. Built different ka. Sorry kung bakit nagkakaroon pa rin tayo ng mutual friend, pasensya na. Sana paunti-unti maka move on ka na. Salamat sa 5 years na pag effort sakin, iba lang talaga ang nakatadhana satin kaya siguro hindi tayo nagwork. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na nakilala at nakasama kita sa 5 taon. Salamat sa pagpaparamdam sakin na napakahalaga ko, sa paghatid-sundo sakin HAHAHAHHAHAAH ngayon ko na sobrang narealize na sobrang-sobrang sweet ng paghahatid-sundo mo. Minahal kita sa kainosentihan mo at sa mga effort mong consistent. Sobrang swerte ng babaeng mamahalin mo. and for the last time, miss na kita. Miss ko na scent mo BODY FANTASY VANILLA. Paghawak-hawak mo sakin. Mga paghatid sundo mo. Good morning-good night and vent out messages natin. Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nanghinayang satin, at deserve ko din masaktan kasi sobrang kitang nasaktan. Sorry sa mga kagagahan ko, sorry nag-doubt ako sa kaya mong gawin. Sobrang proud ako kung nasan ka ngayon. N-witness kita from scratch, from senior high to college. Sobrang excited ako at proud sa mga maaachieve mo pa sa buhay kahit hindi na ako part noon. Godbless reniel, hope u find the woman u truly deserve. Minahal kita!!!!!!!