#akechi system thoughts

[fragmentedstarlights]

Guy who can contain multitudes...

[moniericreative]

Joker and Neurodivergency: The Very Long ADHD Yappathon

So this is mostly just an excuse to ramble, project, and headcanon.

But the longer I've been working on my Dialogue Compilation Project... The more I've gradually started to notice bits about Joker as a character that hit pretty close to experiences I've also dealt with as someone neurodivergent, specifically someone with inattentive ADHD.

So how about we delve into it?

So as a foreward to describe the explanation process: What exactly is Inattentive ADHD?

Inattentive ADHD is a type of ADHD where children have a hard time paying attention but don’t necessarily exhibit hyperactive behavior.

In simpler terms, it's more of an internal hyperactivity. Like your brain or emotional regulation are constantly unrestrained. For instance: - Your thoughts tend to get scattered - Your short-term memory's spotty (i.e. you may struggle to repeat back something you were just told a few seconds ago) - You tend to dissassociate out of the blue due to a lack of stimulation - Your emotions might go 0-to-100 where it may be "nothing" or "suddenly everything at once" depending on what's going on (especially with external stimulants like crowds or sudden noises) - Etcetera.

And because of that lack of internal structure, it's difficult to: - Maintain habits or time awareness for some folks - Bodily queues like hunger or sleep simply don't register unless in extremes (like a low blood sugar, hunger shakes, or overall sleep deprivation crapiness).

And that's not even getting into the executive dysfunction or auditory processing issues... Hoo boy... 💪🥲

There's a wide variety of symptoms for each individual, nobody's the same. Heck some of these are experiences someone else might not even have, either.

Some of them even overlap with autism as well (and some folks might have both), but out of respect as someone who isn't autistic, I'll personally refrain from discussing about it here to avoid accidental stereotyping (but feel free to add to this with personal anecdotes if you like!). Mostly just going off my own experiences with ADHD.

So how exactly does any of this apply to Joker?

Well, some of the oh-so-fun things about being ADHD is:

- Needing consistent reminders for tasks

- Executive Dysfunction (especially when things go wrong or you feel like crap)

- Being able to Hyperfocus (i.e. "being in the zone" to a degree that you tune everything else out including the time spent on the task).

We know based on the Persona series' time-slot system that typically, Joker will spend hours doing a single task and only that task. There's no multitasking or anything. He is focused solely on whatever he starts doing, be it studying, making tools, training, etcetera.

(There's also smaller moments like the P5 Anime as well, where he'll actually get mildly frustrated with anyone that distracts him from a task he's focusing on. Specifically Akechi when he keeps trying to have a conversation with him while he's concentrating on using a pour-over.)

That sounds about normal for anyone though, right?

Well, here's the thing.

He usually doesn't stop until Morgana suggests he should.

This is different from previous Persona protagonists like Yu or Makoto/Kotone because they don't have someone like Morgana constantly reminding them that they've done plenty of work, or that they should head to bed. They just do it themselves.

On top of that, while party members (both from P5 itself and prior games) will occasionally remind you to "do [blank] by a certain date," Morgana's the one character that will consistently remind Joker (and you) several times in a single day, ranging from maybe a line or two, to three/four different ones every day the week before the deadline.

The one time Morgana's not present do this?

No afternoon or evening events to work on, Joker's just so damn miserable without his close friend that he holes himself up in Leblanc's Attic and does nothing for two days straight. Not even in said attic, it's standing around missing Morgana or going to sleep. Good 'ol depressed-flavoured executive dysfunction if ever I've felt one. 🥲

And on top of the "reminders" bit... Joker's also the only protag who has handwritten notes about events in the game on top of the Calendar Menu's summary too (courtesy of the notebook Sojiro gives him). Sometimes the date in the menu itself will be blank, but Joker will have these written down anyways:

Which is something that's often super helpful for ADHD folks when recalling our long-term memories (one of our bigger strengths), as specific details like these can help us piece the entire situation back together even if it was months/years ago.

(Good thing too in his case especially, considering the Interrogation Room plan hinged on him remembering everything)

So that's surely it, right?

NOPE.

There's another very important detail about Joker that's gets heavily underlooked:

Now we already know some key bits in regards to this information:

Sojiro absolutely doesn't starve him, and in fact he's not only willing to feed Joker on his way out the door, but he's also willing to teach him how to make Leblanc's food too.

And we also that eventually culminates in Strikers as a beloved game mechanic: Joker's Kitchen, which Joker does entirely of his own volition.

It's probably safe to say that he at least doesn't have a food aversion. I mean come on, he's got endless pockets full of random crap from vending machines, some of which sound absolutely inhumane. Or he's at a clinic guzzling random drugs with reckless abandon like the unhinged weirdo he is.

But with the above context that he has a tendency to lose track of time without Morgana's input, it adds a layer to this line that makes a lot of sense. Between being distracted by a task, and sometimes not having "hunger signals" at all, a lot of us tend to not even realize we've been starving all day. It's usually a state of "normal" nothing until oops it's Sudden Hunger Shakes O'Clock.

Which can also develop into just generally eating small portions of food as well, because again, we tend to "not feel hungry" unless it's extreme, and that can really affect our degree of appetite/intake.

Or in other cases, including my own and probably Joker's too until Strikers, there's a lack of general interest in food as a whole too. It's yet another time management task that you have to remember to do, every few hours, every single day, every single week, every single month, every single year. So you'll probably grab anything just so long as it's filling enough to get you by for the day. (Unless you have food aversion... Godspeed us all in finding filling safe foods that don't suddenly change and make us hurl 🫡💦). It's necessary of course, but there's a tedium to it sometimes regardless of the meal that you really have to fight with just to keep living.

Sumi gag aside, come on. Look at the sheer difference. That bun's smaller than Morgana's head and it's the barest minimum snack you can find anywhere.

"But what about the Big Bang Burger Challenge?" Come on man, we all know he's not doing it for the sake of eating. He's doing it to get smarter and prettier and kinder. The power of processed junk food filled with microplastics and employee tears I guess.

Distractability and focusing on a particular interest.

Obviously we don't go "SQUIRREL" at the drop of a hat like an excitable dog (despite how often people like to use that stereotype). But for some of us, our minds do tend to flitter around a bit in search of something to stimulate our brains.

Kinda like a zoo animal pacing around an enclosure, except it's our squishy brain trapped in a cage of bone and too little dopamine. 🫠

And in the abscence of something to work on or talk about, that can range from zoning out in classes/discussions (which Joker does a lot) to dissociate the boredom away (which ironically most people tend to see as "endless patience," if only they knew...), or looking for things to work on or talk about (which he... also tends to do a lot, depending on how much of the maps you explore).

And in Joker's case specifically, a lot of that tends to end up with him sticking his nose into situations that benefits the specific thing that gives him a purpose/drive (being a Phantom Thief), but are absolutely not normal things a teenager should be getting into.

Like dealing with the Yakuza. Or being the fake boyfriend of a drunk woman. Or paying his homeroom teacher to be a maid for him. Or a homoerotic shoot-out (... well, three separate times actually if you count an arcade game) with another teenage weirdo. Or T-Posing in a church to understand The Passion Of The Christ. Or unholy amounts of burger-eating to raise his "social stats."

He's willing to get into all kinds of mischief if it helps the Phantom Thieves. If it doesn't, then he's not particularly interested in starting anything with someone. More often than not, it takes Morgana mentioning how someone's services or skills "could help the thieves" to get Joker to be interested in them.

Or the person being especially pushy for him to cave in Maruki's case, to which Joker will make the same rationalization instead despite his initial pushback:

He's so dedicated to being a Phantom Thief that it's equal parts inspiring, relatable, hysterical, and sad to watch.

Especially since at the end of almost every single confidant (bar the party members', and Akechi's and Maruki's who both peg him as a thief pretty quickly through happenstance), every single one of them find out he's a Phantom Thief on their own. Because this poor boy is so tunnel-visioned on his role as "Joker" and helping people that he's about as subtle as a steel chair to the face and woefully unaware of it until it's told to him. 🥹

Lastly, NO TOUCHY.

Honestly, probably my favorite underrated bit about Joker that barely gets talked about.

Across the different P5 mediums (well, two as far as I'm aware of), there's at least one on-screen instance in each of Joker being touch-aversed whenever other people invade his personal space. Usually whenever he has physical contact with someone else (like any of the romaceable confidants, or Akechi), he's the one initiating it first.

In the P5 Anime you've got the bathouse scene between him, Ryuji, and Yusuke after Madarame's palace. In it, Ryuji jumps away from the hot water coming out of the faucet and bumps into Joker.

His response directed at Ryuji?

In English: "Please scoot back."

In Japanese (according to subs anyway): "You're making it hotter."

Both of which he says while hunched up with his shoulders to his ears and shooting Ryuji an unhappy expression.

Seriously. That is a "dead-inside and accepting reality" stare if ever I've felt one, choppy animation quality aside.

In P5 Royal meanwhile, you've got Yusuke's third awakening in Third Semester, where Joker says this when he suddenly grips his shoulders:

Both of which are basically the exact same message, just told in different ways.

... And that's not even going into how more often than not, any time we see Joker being touched on-screen by someone else, they're usually restraining or physically abusing him.

Whether you want to chalk that up to trauma from his initial arrest in the Shido Flashback, or as a ND aspect of his, is entirely up to you. Personally I'm leaning more on the latter as he usually only establishes this boundary with people he trusts (whereas he just outright avoids contact altogether around strangers), and he only breaks this boundary himself around specific people he cares about.

So with all that rambling finally done, hopefully this helps others notice some really cool bits of characterization around this loveable goofball. I won't say this a "100% accurate" interpretation of Joker as a character because everyone sees him differently. He is a self-insert after all.

But compared to the previous Persona protags (hell, even Atlus protags in general), Joker's always the one I immediately fall back to as the favorite for some reason. The coat is snazzy, he has a smirk that makes all the ladies and gay detectives weak at the knees, but... I could never really pinpoint the actual why until now.

Whether Atlus intended Joker to be neurodivergent-coded is up in the air, but there's just so many aspects about him beyond the player's control that hit really close to home, and I'm glad that he's such a popular and beloved character for the traits that make him him.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think the chapter (250) where kusuo tries to change his timeline so that he doesnt have to tell akechi about his powers and ends up accidentally entering a timeline where hes fucking happy and allowed himself to make genuine connections with his friends is by far the most depressing chapter in the entire manga

he had very limited time before he had to deal with akechi, but i just imagine him sitting curled up at his desk for minutes longer than he shouldve, just staring at nothing because where did he go wrong? how is it possible that there are timelines where he doesnt hate himself? is he jealous of that other him or does he resent him because he knows hes undeserving of the connections the other him apparently allowed himself? both?

i need to know what his relationship with his family is like in that timeline... did something change with them too? or everyone treats him the same but in that timeline he has an actual support system to deal with it? or things are different because he actually stands up for himself and can communicate his needs to his family? FUCKKK.

im not entirely sure of the canonicity of the popularity poll contest chapter (73) but it probably caused a similar mental break, but not nearly as significant because it was WAY before he started truly accepting any love from his friends and family... but yk, it just says a lot about him that ONE traumatic experience changed his entire viewpoint on life but it wasn't anything that happened to HIM, like his brother trying to kill him or his friend betraying him or any of his other near death experiences, NO, it was seeing a dog die. THATS what made him decide to better himself and be kind. so yeah, this chapter prob didnt fuck him up TOO bad but he definitely thought back to it during the akechi chapter...

[i-need-a-slurpee]

My best friend and I came up with a stupid little concept for our silly little "akechi lives don't ask how though" persona 5 AU

So you know how middle school and high schoolers use codenames with their best friends to talk about other people in public. Like referring to someone's crush as "pineapple" we were thinking that akira does that but since they already have codenames he just switches everyone's codenames down one in order of who joined. We used a whiteboard to illustrate what kind of shenanigans could ensue

I'm gonna write down everything that was on the board in case it's difficult to understand when looking at the picture

A key to all the symbols

-> are Akechi's thoughts

On its own are things that are said

Codenames: Akira - Violet, Ryuji - Joker, Morgana - Skull, Ann - Mona, Yusuke- Panther, Makoto - Fox, Futaba - Queen, Haru - Oracle, Akechi - Noir, Sumi - Crow. The only people who know and understand the codename switch are Ann, Akira and Ryuji and they use it to gossip

The fun begins when we decided to torture Akechi by having him accidently overhear almost every conversation where these confusing nicknames are used.

Akechi overhears:

Akira: omg Noir is so cute

-> cries and calls Ann

[This is the phone call Akechi has with Ann, which is labeled with 3 on the whiteboard:

Akechi: heyyy Ann so funny story um does Akira like...yknow...like Noir? Haru?

Ann, knowing the truth and thinking this is the funniest thing ever: omg yea girl he totally for real likes Noir

Akechi, wanting to die a lil bit: haha cool thats great thx bye]

"Queen is gonna ask out Crow"

-> gag, ew, distance from Makoto bc omg WHY

"Fox and Oracle are dating"

-> ?? I thought Oracle was a lesbian??

"Shujin is gonna fall apart now that Fox left"

-> he went?? to Kosei?? hello??

Akira: "Skull is so heavy T^T like he decides fo sleep right on my ribs it hurts"

-> ?????

Akira: "so yea I'm gonna ask Noir to go to the jazz club tonight, since it's like, our place, yknow"

-> WHAT THE FUCK.

-> (gets a text from akira to go to the jazz club 2 minutes later)

4. Akechi rants to sumi about it cause he doesn't trust ann anymore

☆ has a detective board with w/ quotes ect.

☆ sumi also tries to help (even more confused than he is)

Ann: violet needs to ask noir out already

Ryuji: I know dude, like I love the guy but, c'mon

-> SUMI'S IN ON IT TOO T^T

Akira does this needlessly complicated name system just to be messy. He doesn't plan on akechi finding out but he keeps it complicated in case any of the others overhear him. He didn't think the possibility of akechi overhearing was very high but Akechi loves to eavesdrop.

[bowsers-keep]

Dubbing the fucking Mitsuru nabs Goro before Shido can AU "Akechi Ops" I have more ideas for it now that it's not bad idea hour.

Ken and Goro are roomates wherever they end up living and Koromaru is their silly dog. Through the investigation team they also add Nanako to they dynamic making this the weirdass justice kids friend group.

Generally SEES is just taking care of Goro communally but Junpei and Chidori have pretty much just laid claim to him as their kid.

Goro is still the Detective Prince but his motivation to become closer to the Phantom Thieves when P5 starts would be to try and get them to join Shadow Ops.

On another note his Detective Prince Metaverse outfit is his main one, sorry no Black Mask. I love it I just can't figure out how it'd work with an Akechi who's more well ajusted with a found family.

Yes Mitsuru did pull strings to get him out of foster system hell. I have no idea who's Akechi's legal guardian in this.

Shadow Ops does in fact deal in Metaverse stuff now with Goro's help as he's a full time member of it.

Akechi definitely meets the P4 Protag at some point and they discover the fact Akechi is also a wildcard. Akechi has obtained: Older Brother and Mentor

Okay well that's all I got for now maybe I'll be back soon with more feel free to use all of this. In my hands it will never be anything more than scattered thoughts and ideas

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

I am once again thinking about associated animal symbolism, particularly in regard to Ren being associated with cats, and Akechi with crows, mostly because I love cats and crows in general. What am I saying this is just an excuse to ramble about cats and crows. Read my thoughts boy.

Cats are associated with good luck, fortune and protection, especially in Japan, but also the world over. Black cats are especially good symbols of one's luck turning over, with new prospects for wealth, love, and healing, but superstition makes some people assume the exact opposite - treating them with mistrust due to associations with bad luck, witchcraft, and the devil. Cats have important roles in folklore the world over, and are usually mysterious and adaptable creatures who are often attuned to magic and frequently shapeshifters.

Crows, on the other hand, get a bad rep. They are associated with bad luck and curses, where the call of a crow indicates that someone is going to die soon. Depending on the call, the exact meaning can change, but all crow calls signify some type of impending misfortune or death. However, crows also have strong spiritual connotations and are considered messengers of the gods, and while linked to death, they are also linked to transformation. They have good connotations too, particularly seen as intelligent, resourceful, and protective. Their dual associations can be seen in mythical crows such as the vicious, solitary trickster kotengu, and the wise messenger and guide Yatagarasu.

Moving away from symbolism, on the behavioural side of things, while cats and crows can actually get along, they can also pose serious threats to each other. Cats are frequently irritated by crows that will peck at and annoy them intentionally in order to instigate a reaction (which is kind of hilarious honestly).

Importantly though, and relevant to these two characters, while cats and crows are widely regarded to be solitary, they are actually very social animals.

Cats, while independent, actually do get very lonely without companionship, and seek out affection when denied it. The thing is, they prefer to do this on their own terms - cats need to have the freedom to decide whether or not to initiate contact, and also to leave if they so choose. They're also very family oriented and it's good to adopt cats in pairs so they have a companion to play with (that is, as long as they get along!). They pick up on emotional states well and will often adjust their behaviour to match the emotional valence. While the jury's still out on whether cats experience complex emotions, they absolutely feel things like happiness, sadness, anger and affection, and have a need for stability - quickly uprooting them by moving to a new location can seriously stress out and upset a cat.

Crows are actually highly social, and have a complex communication system where they will chatter, pass along messages, and develop specific alarm calls. They have an excellent memory for the faces of those who have helped or wronged them, will remember this for years, and pass on this information to other crows. They are able to use and make tools, solve puzzles, and appear to have rudimentary understandings of things like simple physics, numbers, abstract reasoning, and future planning. They're family oriented as well, socially monogamous, with young crows often staying with their parents to assist them with food or younger siblings. They will even host "funerals" where they will gather around their dead, which are less about mourning (though this may actually be a part of it) and more about figuring out what killed them. While some crows are solitary, there are usually other crows not far away, and those that aren't part of a group may have been outcast.

Both animals absolutely can survive and do well on their own, but they are fundamentally much happier when they have companionship.

Well, anyways, I'm just talking.

[callmearcturus]

redoing this ask because fuck that poll lmaoooo i have a persona question, IMO persona's romance system can sometimes fail when its clear the devs wanted one character to be the "canon" love interest for the overall story, but added in side romances to please fans (p2 with [spoiler redacted], p3 with aigis, and p4 with rise based on how much time is focused on their dynamic and bond) but i feel like P5 *intended* for Makoto to be the go-to romance option (especially with how she was handled in the anime) but Royal switched it to Akechi. Do you think that Persona should just stick with one romance option, have a small number of options that they develop, or have it be "every npc is an option" type deal. personally i think it depends on the game? but i feel as if P5 would have benefited from only having 5 romance options (Haru, Makoto, Akechi, Hifumi, and maybe Yusuke?)

Hmmmmm.

It's hard to consider this without also thinking about the other dating sim RPGs, i.e. Bioware. What's interesting there is that some of the romances felt intended (Liara in Mass Effect especially) but there were multiple really good options.

What I find interesting is how Persona and Bioware games handle the shared authorship of the characters. There's an entire Game Maker's Toolkit video about how the narrative designers had to design on a tightrope, keeping the cinematic nature of the story rolling but also making the player feel like they had a handle on the direction (even when the latter was mostly imagined).

Okay, here's two weird thoughts:

The wide array of Persona romances are pretty shallow and would benefit from a shift to much fewer romances that are far more fleshed out.

Akechi is so shocking and compelling because the comparative shallowness of the other romances, because he is a subversion of them.

To me, what makes Akechi the far-and-away best 'romance' of Persona 5 Royal is that he's not a romance 'option.' The player has very little agency over how Joker feels about Akechi. If you hit a couple of flags, then Joker is fucked up and in love with Akechi. That's just it. Maruki gives everyone what they want, and what Joker wants is Akechi.

The fact that Joker is a partially player-directed character that autonomously decides to be in love with Akechi is the secret sauce, imo. Ergo, if you improve the romances overall, you lose some of the specialness inherent in Akechi.

I had a LOT of problems with P5R's writing and especially its structure. I would remove Makoto entirely but for pacing issues, not for the strength of her writing. I'd cut a lot of cruft from the game.

I don't know if I would take away the gutpunch of Akechi though. Not for P5R. For other Persona games, 100% yes, I would. Narrow the scope of romances, maybe even stick just to party members so its easier to build a coherent, meaningful narrative with the love interest.

i hope some of that makes sense, i'm a bit sick and meandering today

[the-bar-sinister]

Sinister System terminology, differences in fronting vs shifts

Some people seemed interested in our internal experience, so I've written up a little bit of a guide to help it make sense.

system member: a distinct person/soul who is one of many sharing this body.

kintype: the identity of a soul during a particular lifetime experience.

kin source: the media in which a kin life/kintype is reflected.

kin shift: a particular system member experiencing a greater psychological, emotional, and/or spiritual state where they are embodying a particular kintype in the present moment. A sort of psychological/emotional/spiritual regression to or manifestation of a specific kintype's traits and experiences.

collective shift: when several different system members are experiencing a kin shift to their various personal identities during the same source lifetime.

fronting/taking the front/switching: A particular system member takes control of the body. A fronting member experiences the direct sensory input from the body, has a distinct internal monologue which is 'louder' than the internal thoughts of members who are not fronting, has primary control over the actions and reactions of the body.

Sinister system:

Has roughly 25 distinct system members

Each system member has around 19 kintypes in addition to their overall personal singular identity.

A system member may be experiencing a particular kin shift at any given time. Often multiple system members are in a collective shift.

Let's walk through some abbreviated examples.

Some sinister system members are

😼🔪 (Jas)

🌀😎 (Akechi)

🔍⚔️ (Kirigiri)

Each of these system members shares the same kin sources. They experienced several lifetimes in which they were born and interacted with separate identities in the same world.

Some of their kin sources are: Homestuck, Danganronpa, Resident Evil, and Great Ace Attorney.

That means that each distinct system member has a kintype that aligns with each source.

😼🔪 Jas' kintypes are: Vriska Serket (Homestuck), Toko Fukawa (Danganronpa), Karl Heisenberg (Resident Evil) and Yuujin Mikotoba (Great Ace Attorney)

🌀😎 (Akechi)'s kintypes are: Cronus Ampora (Homestuck), Nagito Komaeda (Danganronpa), Albert Wesker (Resident Evil), and Kazuma Asogi (Great Ace Attorney)

🔍⚔️ (Kirigiri)'s kintypes are: Dave Strider (Homestuck), Kyoko Kirigiri (Danganronpa), Tyler Howard (Resident Evil), and Barok Van Zieks (Great Ace Attorney).

When 🔍⚔️ (Kirigiri) is fronting, that means that 🔍⚔️ is the person primarily processing data from the body's senses, making decisions, acting using the body, and experiencing a loud inner monologue.

When 🔍⚔️ (Kirigiri) is fronting, 🔍⚔️ is still Dave Strider, Kyoko Kirigiri, Tyler Howard, and Barok Van Zieks all at once, because these are all lives that 🔍⚔️ has experienced. He has access to the emotions and memories relevant to all of his kintypes, and they all motivate him to a greater or lesser degree.

However, if/when 🔍⚔️ is experiencing a particular kin shift, then the experiences, emotions and memories relevant to that particular shift will be dominate over his other experiences while he's experiencing the shift.

So for example, in a Homestuck kin shift 🔍⚔️ will act more like Dave Strider, because his thoughts, memories, emotions and preferences will be more closely aligned with who he was during that time, and the experience of his other lives will still be present, but have less priority over his actions and thoughts. His experience as Dave will have more immediate relevance to whatever he's doing, and will be experienced more heavily and as if it were more current than his other lives.

If the system is in a collective Homestuck shift, then it means that 🔍⚔️is in a Dave shift, 🌀😎 is in a Cronus shift, and 😼🔪 is in a Vriska shift, all at the same time. The lifetime of Homestuck is most immediately relevant to the entire system if we're experiencing a collective Homestuck shift.

However, not everyone is always in a collective shift. There are times where 🔍⚔️ is in a Dave/Homestuck shift, but 😼🔪 is in a Toko/Danganronpa shift, etc.

We are open to answering any questions, clarifying or otherwise that people might have about our experiences.

[raven]

As someone who plays persona I feel you’re a good person to ask: should I play a persona game

you know a game is a real one when the answer is "if you do, please dont think im stupid for liking it". the first persona game anyone should ever play is persona 5 royal and that game is. well. the best part isnt until 70-90 hours in on average. tries really hard to be a social commentary but fumbles basically every aspect. can barely keep a cohesive character arc for most main characters. "the gameplay is really good though" -karl marx. so like short answer, do you have a hundred hours or so and want an excuse to hate on something's story and politics while also having a good time in the actual gameplay, sure... i feel like i can recommend this to any general person but i feel less confident recommending it to you specifically as i feel you are a woman of taste. but you're also someone who loves the slop at times. and what is this game if not slop. i put the rest under a read more because i said too much. My bad for being loquacious

like storywise i do like it... Mostly. and i do like the characters. and i think akechi is genuinely a great character, well written, well acted, yaoibait, knocked everything out of the park with him. he is what kept me going, but if you dont like characters whose main flaw is that theyre a teenager and therefore stupid, he might not click with you. like yeah, everything he does is poorly thought out... it's consistent. it's in character. and he does it with such swag, too. everything in the game's story seems designed around him, including the phantom thieves themselves. but i dont know whats in it for people who dont like him. not that you'll really get to know him for a good chunk of the game. which is the biggest thing... i could say "keep going, it gets better" but... does it? for everyone? it did for me, but it was made in a lab for me.

the game can understand that violence against women is wrong, but it doesnt understand what violence against women is. it can understand that the current system isnt working, but is too weak to actually take a stance on how to fix it. it's too obsessed with giving the player a power fantasy than to give them any challenges at all, or to make them think for a second. which i like in a game. i like it when games fuck up hard because theres more to discuss. and one of my biggest issues was discussed in the very last part. not necessarily to the depth i would have preferred, but it lets you draw your own conclusions. it also really shocked me at one point near the end there, which really colored my view in a positive way. i had grown complacent. i stopped thinking. i didnt think the game could do anything interesting... and then it did. but that level of shock was only because of my specific proclivities... i dunno. like it's hard to defend.. oh also theres a massive climax that builds up to a twist and reveal which is genuinely one of the worst ive seen a story ever do it, especially with such a strong set up. like genuinely laughable. but once you reach that part you're about 3/4 of the way through so you cant really stop there just have a laugh and know it's almost done.

the gameplay IS good though. like it's not only flashy, it's fun. i think the only issue is that it can be too easy, and the merciless mode is famously easier than hard. but as persona games go, it really is the best. it's just fun! the social sim elements are... well lets just say the majority of character writing in this game is stupid. otherwise, it can be fun to try to balance everything. it's possible to do it all on your first playthrough even if you don't know the perfect strategy, but if you fuck up too much you really wont be able to finish them all.

but heres the thing: metaphor refantazio just came out, which, aside from the time aspect (you have so much time lol) almost improves on persona 5 in every way. it's slightly less misogynistic. the social commentary... well, its fantasy racism, but it's a little more well thought out than p5's. but the main thing is the gameplay. and like, the gameplay in p5 was already good! metaphor is much more balanced for difficulty than p5's, but if you really get a hang of character building you can really take control. the slight differences in battle systems really take it for me. press turn system every day. i adore it. basically you get turns if you hit a weakness but if you miss you lose two turns. same goes for the enemies, so you can really get destroyed, but you can dodge every attack and they wont be able to do shit. but the story is, well, it's okay. there were some really good moments, and i liked it mostly because its kind of.. the least bad anyone could ever do it? it's pretty idealistic but just seemed like, nice in a way that i really cant describe. like, i have my issues with it that i could go into detail, but i still generally liked it. beautiful presentation as well-- and is that not all that matters? give me literally anything with a beautiful cutscene and I'll be tearing up. and the words "election magic" are so potent to me. its also shorter than p5r. but will it stick with me as much? no. would it have caused me to play the rest of the persona games? unsure. have i listened to the soundtrack so often while falling asleep that atlus is my number 5 artist on my spotify wrapped, not because the soundtrack is so calming or because i especially like it, but because i was trying to conjure a character in my dreams? NO. and persona 5 was a resounding yes on all fronts.

in terms of the other persona games, i dont recommend 4 unless you want to feel like, actually bad? i dunno it just put me in a foul mood. it was like radiation emanating from my switch for several weeks. incredibly homophobic with a side of (possibly slightly unintentional) transphobia. as well as some very fatphobic jokes (what game from this time period doesnt, but.. well it's bad every time!) and of course our classic misogyny. all this and the gameplay is worse than every other (new) persona game, and the story is fine. it thinks its twin peaks at the beginning. it is not twin peaks. LMFAO. 3 is better than 4 but theres not really a definitive edition even though it just got remade. each version has its ups and downs. if you look it up and any of it compels you i can give you more info on that one. the aesthetics alone are enough to be compelling , I'll admit. if you like boring and repetitive gameplay this ones for you! Im being serious. the story's pretty good though, and the characters are probably the best in the persona series. 2 (which is a duology, but the gameplay is the same and the second is well, a sequel) is pretty bad gameplay wise that i would only recommend if you're really into the series. i really liked the story but yeah i dunno. eh, it's fun. hard to recommend. 1 is okay. underwhelming. nothing much.

[saitoakirachan-fangirls]

Something that occured to me recently is that there is a pretty obvious understanding that "changing hearts" is considered forceful/violating by other characters in the game. I know the Akechi Goro lovesquad (hi comrades 👋) likes to grapple with the more sinister implications of removing distortions, but the scene that provoked this thought wasn't related to him.

Rather, it's the scene where Sojiro finds out that Futaba's heart was changed by the PTs. I was struck by how angry and suspicious Sojiro was, and how Futaba defended the PTs not by claiming that the method is harmless, but that she consented to it. The implication is that Sojiro thinks the PT did something bad to Futaba aka, dare I say, brainwashing? But it's okay! Because Futaba consented to their methods. Implying that if she didn't, then it would be immoral! (Granted, I'm looking at the English script, so idk how it was written in Japanese. Maybe the vibes are completely different so I'm just yapping about nothing, but. You know.)

Thus, "changing hearts" isn't a good thing because it's an undisputably good method, but rather that the alternative (allowing monsters to continue hurting others) is worse. I would say that it's also a better option for teenagers who don't want to have blood on their hands. It's the lesser of two evils, which wouldn't have needed to happen had the justice system worked properly

[afterthelambs]

PLEASE spill the Makoto cop tea. I'm always down to hear people's thoughts on that

Thanks anon! I do my best to keep this blog positive-vibes only, but since you asked I will answer. Warning: DO NOT read this post if you do not want to see any criticisms about Makoto Nijima from P5 + discussions of police. This is not hate towards the character or her fans. It's just criticism for the writing choices and their implications for her.

Makoto Nijima does NOT want to reform the police. There's a mandela effect in the fandom where everyone seems to think she does, but rewatch her rank 10. Reform isn't mentioned at all. I'm so serious. What she actually says is this:

Within her confidant, the context is the host that was preying on her friend Eiko. Wanting to stop situations like that is good and makes sense 👍 The writers framed her decision to become a cop as a response to the most clean-cut black-and-white situation ever.

But here's the thing though: what happens when the lawless and the victims are the same people? Because in the real world, crime tends to concentrate among the poor and marginalized. The real world is not black and white. And I try to separate my personal experiences with the law from the media/art I engage with, but that doesn't work here because the game at large doesn't portray society as black and white.

There are a number of people in this game that do wrong because they have been hurt or are marginalized or did not receive proper help. A lot of mementos requests are about 'lawless' people and yet many are portrayed as 'due to systemic issues' or a lack of support or developing mental illness. It's also not a coincidence that Akechi is the most marginalized of all the phantom thieves and he was the one who did the most crime. There is deliberate social commentary here. People do not become lawless out of nowhere. They are shaped by their circumstances. And the game itself sympathizes with these people, focusing on changing/ helping them. The game's conclusion is that providing support and rehabilitation is the solution. Rehabilitative justice > Punitive justice.

Police wouldn't achieve that. Police in the game are framed as corrupt and incompetent at their core. Our protagonist is one of their biggest victims to demonstrate how they are weaponized against the weak. Even Sae Nijima at the end of the story has shifted to become a defense attorney rather than attempting to reform it (best character arc btw) because she recognized that the system is broken. And you can't even blame it just on Shido controlling the police because we see that the problems persist beyond him. By the end of the story they remain useless or outright harmful. The police do not help or rehabilitate, they only punish.

So no, this isn't me projecting my personal issues with cops onto the story because within the game's own story, law enforcement is not the solution. If it were a question of reform, we could debate about whether police reform is possible, but again: Makoto doesn't care about reform. It never comes up. According to the writers, she wants to be a cop because she thinks not enough lawless people are being punished. You can argue that her wanting to 'head an organization' means she wants to be in a position of power where she can reform them, but remember that police only enforce the law. They do not make the law. If reform was her goal she would be a politician. (I honestly thought that's what she was set up to be, since she was student council president and all but I digress)

Also a small detail, but notice how she mentions destroying the lawless before she mentions helping victims? It's super minor but I think it's indicative of the cop mentality. There's greater priority on punishing than helping.

I also dislike this conclusion to her arc because it's net zero character growth. You're telling me the character that was rebelling against corrupt adults' orders is now becoming a cop, the biggest bootlicking profession of them all? She started the story being a well-intentioned pushover, and she's ending her story being a well-intentioned pushover. And it doesn't matter whether she as an individual is a good person or not. All cops comply to be active participants in a system that is designed to hurt the weak and prop up the powerful.

TLDR: You do not help victims by punishing the 'lawless'. You help victims by helping victims. Period. Makoto becoming a cop is a contradiction of this and her own character arc. Either the writers did her dirty by not thinking this through or this is meant to be who she really is, and both those possibilities upset me.

[mesmir-ized]

*flipping through cue cards

ponysona…no……..my little persona……..no…………

(elaboratig on cutie marks below BC i thought about them a lot !!! ahhh so long)

(not spoiler free !!!!!!!!!!!!)(corn get outta here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i wanted to keep these as simple as possible , and not cram too much imagery in to them , so they wouldnt look out of place in the show &c ! fun little challenge i gave myself , just for context :D

akechi: a white pawn chess piece ! my friend actually came up with this ! and its kinda genius ! to paraphrase what she said: white chess pieces move first ; akechi is always the one to (attempt to be) one step ahead of the thieves , having everything lined up for himself to succeed . 

     her words: “akechi sets the first gambit, the tone, and gets to begin laying out the chess board how he sees fit, and joker is the reactionary. but heres the thing. strategists differ on how you should play as black, like if you should automatically be on defense from white's offensive move. but the most famous black player of all time is magnus carlsen, who is WILDLY an offensive player and absolutely goes for it every time, to the point where white has been INTIMIDATED by him and played poorer statistically against him because of it . like thats CRAZY!! hes one of the boldest chess players in existence and he prefers to go SECOND! it was pretty much unheard of before him.”

    plus , (my words now) theres the idea of not only him manipulating others (the pawn) , but he himself becoming a pawn in a plan much grander than him . the p5 wildcards and their games of strategy a nd all !

joker: joker card(+mask !) i was actually trying to come up with something “better” , but the joker card really , really fits him . not only literally being a wildcard in the metaverse/persona sense , but also IRL , how he’s adaptable to every situation ! canon pretty much explains it , LOL ! but again bringing in the theme of classic games of strategy , joker with his joker card !

ryuji: EPIC awesome skull (literally his na,me...) , but i liked it with the idea of delinquency/pirates(YIPPY !) , as well as the lightning not only for power , but symbolizing speed~  hes just cool

ann: lipstick kiss mark ! this one actually came to me really quick , LOL ! it symbolizes her role as a model (makeup !) , but also has to do with how she reclaims her sexuality and looks for herself ! that , as well as her caring nature , especially to the little guys(like a mother’s kiss goodbye on your forehead..)

yusuke: ink brush + swirls !!! funny enough this one took me the longest to come up with . i wanted to avoid giving him a palette , since i wanted to focus on traditional japanese art forms above all else (since thats basically his whole tyhing !) and ended up going with an ink brush ! it’s not exclusively japanese by any means , but its recognizable , and we see him work with ink many times ! the little swirls are meant to be the golden ratio (beauty ?)LOL , but just kinda look like swirls.......maybe shapes found in his art ?

makoto: gavel and books ! also took me a weirdly lomg time to come up with , but i figured it out ! the gavel is obviously meant to represent justice/the justice system , but also wanted it to represent power as well (since makoto can often act like a secondary “boss” LOL , and her role as a leader at school !) . the books are for her intelligence (perhaps legal books) ? yippy !!!!

haru: a coffee cup with a plant growing out of it ! this is a bit on the nose , but i had fun figuring it out ! keeping her goal of opening a cafe (and coming up with new coffee blends throughout the game) in mind , as well as her love for plants and gardening ! the plant is meant to form a sort of heart (which can also look like steam coming fromt he cup).. , to also show her nurturing side !

futaba: computer and medjed eyes !!!!!! also a bit on the nose , LOL ! for this 1 , the computer is obviously tied to her skill as a hacker/her computer-focused life , but the eyes carry a bit more weight ! theyre literally the eyes of the deity medjed , who is known for those two eyes that look directly at you ! we dont see any medjed logo with graphics like this in game IIRC , but i added it for the double(triple?) meaning ! medjed in game carries the weight of being a part of the book of the dead , and connected to futaba’s palace themed around egyptian tombs , but i also felt the eyes could be tied to how she monitors everyone , and interacts with the world through her computer (almost as if shes looking out from it !) yippy !!!!!!!!! :D

sumire: magic wand/gymnastics ribbon ! as explained by my description , LOL , this mark is meant to look both like a magic wand (cinderella/fairy gdmother ...) as well as a gymnastics ribbon ! we see her with these in game , which made my job much easier ! the ribbon forms sort of an “s” for her name , and also looks kind of like a shooting star , to symbolize how she is always shooting for the top ! (and on a darker note , how shooting stars can often be meteors that fall apart)... kasumi’s mark is hers but reversed , and has an additional sparkle/star on it , for “3 stars”, 1st place ! the absence of this sparkle for sumire can represent how she lost her sister , and how she feels lesser (even if just as wonderful !)

okay yayyayy thats all bye bye !!!!!!!!!

[composeregg]

Thinking about any scenario where giving Akechi info leads to crime being solved without a change of heart. Like. In the anime he gets Futaba's uncle legally instead of futaba and joker going on a family bonding metaverse trip (complicated thoughts abt that are for not this post)

Or fics where he handles Kamoshida or something.

This is!!! Actually another example of the larger problem!!!!

If society is so fucked up (and it is) that those who are powerless cannot hope to escape their own abuse, then... this becomes a display of random luck, happenstance, knowing the right person, while others suffer without any prince charming to swoop in and save them.

This becomes "this guys likes you enough to take on this case" and is a further indictment against the system that allows this. It's further proof that when you don't have that, you DO turn to things like a change of heart if you have the means!

Even if Akechi were able to solve all the cases via just detective work (he most certainly isn’t, those cases are of people protected by the very institution he works for), then that highlights the fact that there are others who don't have this privilege.

This is its own type of show of power. Its own type of corruption, that nothing will be done unless you happen to be on good terms with someone who can wield that power

[siderealscribblings]

4.15.202X The Apartment of Akechi Goro and Morgana

Being a paid demon slayer for the government was the sort of job most people could only tolerate in small doses. 

Human beings were prey for demons; sheep were not naturally suited to chase wolves for very long which is why S.E.E.S. had a very generous vacation policy. It was almost necessary for the average field agent to take multiple days off each month just to retain their sanity. Narukami himself famously disappeared for the month of June to spend at his family's house in the country every year just to avoid disintegrating from the stress of running S.E.E.S. 

Akechi Goro had been working for eight years and in that time, he had accumulated nearly a year’s worth of vacation that he never used. The more time he had off, the more time he had to realize how little there was to his life outside of his crusade against demonkind. It was better to put his mind to work than to let it chew itself apart and in the early hours of his first mandatory day off, Goro could feel it start to gnaw. 

At 2:30 a.m. he woke up; by 3:13 he realized he wasn't going back to sleep no matter how still he laid or how many horseshit mindfulness practices he tried. At 3:32 Goro gave up trying to sleep and started scrolling through his social media feeds, taking in nothing and enjoying even less than that. Mentions of the Phantom Thieves only aggravated him further until he got out of bed at 5:23 a.m. Internet busybodies were in full tinfoil hat mode, with some claiming the Phantom Thieves orchestrated the attack on Niijima for failing to investigate Madarame. Mishima was no doubt poring over thousands of blog posts looking for the one nugget of gold in an ocean of bullshit. 

Morgana hadn't come home yet, which meant he was likely plotting with the senior heads of the Tokyo branch. So there was no one to judge Goro as he ate cold takeout in front of his fridge completely naked for breakfast. At 6:20 the sun had risen enough to spill on the rows of movies, video games, and books left untouched on his shelf. Logically, he knew he should be having fun in his spare time; every once in a while, he was seized by a surprisingly childish urge to splurge on a new video game system that would go untouched as Goro couldn't bring himself to even turn the thing on. Two new Zelda games were still shrinkwrapped and sitting on top of a forgotten Switch; instead, Goro chose to stare at the ceiling for thirty minutes, tossing a ball in the air and catching it as the sun rose. 

Goro went back to sleep at 8:12 a.m. and had a dream that he and Joker were academic rivals. His teachers didn't find it odd that a fifteen year old with glowing red tattoos was cheating on every test by having Oracle feed him the answers and nothing Goro said or did convinced them otherwise. Goro woke at 10:23 with a refreshed murderous intent and spent an hour cleaning the kitchen he never used, half of which was spent putting a microscopic edge on his knives. Lunch was two melonpan eaten while disassembling and cleaning his backup pistol, meticulously oiling and scrubbing every tiny spring and gear before putting it back together. Part of him still blamed his faulty firearm for failing to fire the night before and wanted to be sure the next time he had Joker’s skull in his crosshairs, it would be to put him down for good. 

By 1:00 Goro was out of things to do, so he went to bed again, glaring at the ceiling while he tried to will his mind to be still. Unfortunately, his mind had a habit of spinning in circles when he should have been asleep, scanning for threats, analyzing his current predicament, and fixating on his latest threat. 

Who knows what they're up to now, Goro thought, glaring at the dancing shadows on his ceiling. 

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Start from the beginning

[ingoodjesst]

seeking the permission to be weak: on the themes of goro akechi’s arc

vulnerability, isolation versus connection, resentment, emotional immaturity, sunk cost fallacy, constructing and confronting oneself, and what it means to be acknowledged.

for context, these are my semi-connected thoughts after playing through the game’s seventh palace for the first time. it left me feeling like i'd been hit by a goddamn truck, and suddenly all these damn words erupted from me. haven't actually finished the game yet, but i needed to get these feelings off my chest before i could keep going LOL [late-game spoilers for persona 5]

the akechi confrontation in shido’s palace has earned its right to reside in my head rent-free forever. i mean, it’s mechanically brilliant. all i’m looking for was a place to SAVE like normal after a mini-boss; instead i am ambushed by a boy who, frankly, could’ve used someone to save him. which is to say, i enter this fight fuckin bedraggled because i haven’t even healed up from that last encounter. three of my current party members are under 100 hp, and only a third of joker’s sp remains. it’s looking kinda ugly.

and yet, even though akechi had all the preparation on his side and demonstrated three full phases of power… he still loses. purely on the basis that mechanically, joker has so many powerful abilities gained through his confidants and all of his phantom thief friends fighting by his side–friends who could tap in when the others were exhausted. it’s entirely because of those bonds between joker and his party that they could beat the sole, sad akechi.

i LOVE how thematically resonant that is. for all his talents that even the phantom thieves begrudgingly admire, akechi still comes up short. not because he himself is deficient, but because he has no one else to rely on once he’s given his all.

when it comes to the thieves, this is the sorest part for him. akechi mocks their friendship, calling them “pieces of shit… who lick each other’s wounds…!” but what he really resents is that they help each other when they’re weak. growing up, when he was scared and lacking, he had no comfort but himself. it kills him to see them supporting one another because deep down, he’s always longed for the permission to be weak, yet still looked after.

this resentment is especially interesting when you examine how much akechi’s circumstances reflect those of the phantom thieves. having your life turned upside down by masayoshi shido. enduring the superficial judgment of your peers. betrayed by your father figure and haunted by your mother's death. performing perfection and compliance at the expense of your ideals. believing you have no choice but to obey your dad's orders while holding out for any shred of remaining affection. even being orphaned and hiding yourself from the world, feeling as though you have no power to escape your pain on your own. akechi and each of the phantom thieves have all been victimized by cruel adults and ostracized by corrupt systems. society had deprived all of them of a place to belong. but only akechi remained disconnected from other people, and only akechi took irrevocable actions that anyone would rightfully revile.

yet despite what could reasonably be expected from anyone, the thieves still choose to sympathize and plead with him to join their cause, properly this time. even futaba and haru, who have both been most directly harmed by akechi’s actions, try to acknowledge him and the isolation he’s felt all his life. it’s kindness he may not even deserve. but maybe it’s because, within akechi, they catch a glimpse of a much lonelier path that they might’ve stumbled down if it weren’t for their fellow outcasts… particularly joker.

joker is the foil that slices deeply into akechi’s pride and sense of self. just look at what they share: their unjust treatment by adults, their insightfulness, their quick wits, their charm, their competitive drive, their metaverse powers, their thief personas. hell–they’re even the same height. but despite their common ground, joker is stronger than akechi. which forces akechi to admit that his counterpart might have something special that he lacks. there’s something missing from his life, a void he’s never been able to fill but others can. and though there are material ways in which joker was simply luckier than akechi, the most important thematic difference between them is the strength and number of joker's bonds–things that akechi never learned to nurture and thus could never rival.

so akechi hates him. he hates him because joker and his friends stoke his sense of inferiority. joker isn't an empty phony. joker became acknowledged and supported without sacrificing his justice–in fact because he upheld it. joker found a way out of the misery when he couldn't. maybe worst of all, akechi hates joker because joker could've changed the course of his entire life, if only they'd met a few years earlier.

which makes it ever more tragic that in the present, akechi refuses the thieves’ extraordinary kindness. perhaps he doesn’t believe their show of grace to be genuine, rankling under sympathy that he mistakes for pity; perhaps he cannot fathom being equals in a non-transactional relationship; perhaps he just no longer considers himself worthy after all the awful things he’s done. whatever it is, he rejects what’s possibly his last chance to desert his path of self-destruction and embrace the camaraderie that has always escaped him. he thinks them fools, believing they should just get rid of him, because that's the only thing you can do with people who get in the way, right? it’s in this manner that his inability to move past his pain condemns him yet again.

the thing is, despite the cruelty he inflicted on the world through his childish temper tantrum, it's hard not to mourn the fact that akechi got here largely because he didn’t know how to grow up. if love is a safe space to be vulnerable–to mess up and mature–then with so little of it in his life, no wonder he got stuck stewing in his lies and hatred. that’s why he ends up standing before you as a kid burdened by trauma and loneliness from a young age. a kid whose parental figures abandoned him to bounce from foster home to foster home. a kid given great power yet no one to steer him away from his bad choices. a kid manipulated and molded into a mentally unstable weapon. a kid who committed to a rotten path until he felt he could do nothing else but continue tearing down it. i mean, by then, who was gonna want the real him? who was gonna save him? who was even gonna help him?

by the time he could feel the regret sink in, it was already too late. if only he’d been given the necessary love and direction beforehand, if only he’d met joker and the phantom thieves sooner… his mistakes are still his to own, but no one stepped in to show him how to wield his powers responsibly, how to rely on others, or hell–just how to make friends. when left alone to fend for himself with hardly any resources, he doubled down with the cards he was dealt. how surprised can we be?

instead this “undesirable child” grew desperate to become someone others could rely on–someone so undeniably special that even a person with a blackened heart like shido would have to acknowledge him. with such demanding standards to toil under, he could never be anything less than perfect; he could never entrust his whole broken self to anyone.

ironically, while freezing everyone else out, he grew dependent on external validation. he sought academic honors because it was an “objective” measure of his worth. he sought fame because he craved even the most mercurial of affections. he sought shido’s praise, not just because he thought he could take revenge on him one day, but also because deep down, he was a wounded kid who just wanted love from the father who should’ve loved him from the start.

his life became ruled by an immature revenge fantasy, leading him down the most counterproductive path possible. he worked so hard to construct an ideal version of himself. yet inevitably, every trait of his that others came to envy, every trait that made him “special”–his academics, his celebrity, his charisma, his strength in the cognitive world–is utterly wasted on a man who would never appreciate any of it. like akechi, shido never trusted a soul either, and he never hesitated to crush a pawn whose utility was used up–even if it was his own son.

if only subconsciously, maybe akechi already understood some of these realities. but it isn't until he is confronted by shido's cognitive akechi that the full weight finally sets in. in that moment, filtered through the eyes of the man he hates most, he experiences a reflection: an akechi who is twisted by self-serving logic, who quite literally hates himself, who would mindlessly self-annihilate for shido in a heartbeat. now it's clear: in the process of seeking futile validation, akechi has thrown away his immense potential and, ultimately, his sense of self.

the truth is, akechi admitting that he ever needed or wanted teammates would be admitting that all the suffering he endured and all the blood he spilled–things he defined himself by for lack of anything else–weren’t necessary. it would be admitting that he didn't have to be a perfect prince. he was worthy of acceptance–weaknesses and all–this whole time. that's why, after all the time and energy he's squandered, he can't do it. not even in the face of the phantom thieves’ exceptional compassion.

maybe he could’ve admitted it earlier, if he had just found real friends or familial figures to accept him. he never should have had to be “special” to deserve love. nor did he have to be an honors student, nor an ace detective, nor shido’s puppet. he just had to be akechi.

he just had to open his heart to other people long enough to realize. he just had to put his faith in those who–against all odds and beyond all reasonable expectations–still wanted to save him. but he couldn’t. the myriad complexes guarding his heart wouldn't let him. so even at the very fucking end, although he helps them escape, akechi still closes himself off–metaphorically and physically–from the phantom thieves.

not all is lost, though. at last he makes a choice in defiance of the pathetic self who shaped his entire life around shido’s will. by claiming this agency, akechi may well have elected to destroy both versions of himself: the shadow self that shido cast and the real self that he finally asserted. yet with this pyrrhic action… at least he would die not as his father’s miserable puppet, but as his own person.

if that were the end of akechi's story, it might be bittersweet enough. but before slipping away, joker extends him one last kind gesture: a reminder of akechi’s promise. his promise–perhaps the epitome of how, despite insisting that he hated joker, akechi consciously and unconsciously offered so much of himself in joker's presence. with just a few words, joker recognizes everything akechi has shared with him. perhaps it's notable that there is no sympathy expressed. he just acknowledges who akechi is to him. a rival. a phantom thief. a friend.

finally, this is the unconditional acceptance akechi has been seeking all his goddamned life. and even if he can't comprehend why on earth joker would offer him this… for once, an unguarded smile slips onto his face.

[kairugah]

actually in relation to my last post, i've been kind of curious to hear people's thoughts on akechi's time spent within the foster care system and what they think the circumstances of his upbringing were in more concrete terms. he says in-game that he was passed around various foster homes, but then mentions his relatives in the proof of justice ova...? i personally assume that he went through a combination of foster homes, childcare institutions & placements with relatives. it just seems like the most statistically likely possibility considering how rare it is for children to end up being placed with a foster family in japan, in combination with the fact that he was likely in the system for multiple years. i also don't think it's ever stated exactly when his mother died so i'm also interested in how old other people assume he was when his mom died. i think he was probably in the 8-10 range—he was old enough to remember his mother, but young enough that he regarded his age as 'young'.