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off-in-the-moors · 4 years ago

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Joseph Kavinsky analysis, part 1

aka how did I get here and why is he the reason

Warnings: spoilers for the whole Raven Cycle, mentions of: drug-use, abuse, death, murder, homophobic slurs, xenophobia

Part 1 // Part 2

After finishing The Raven Cycle and analyzing every chapter, character and the overarching plot with my friend, we were left feeling empty. It's been few months, I kept looking-up more TRC related things, other people's opinions, look through fandom content and even read some post from the author's, now deleted, tumblr account, trying to find answers to why I'm feeling like this. Why the books seem to decline for me in quality as I kept reading? Why I can't see Ronan in the same light as the rest of the fandom? Why I couldn't like the author? And the answer was looking me in the eyes the whole time.

"Depending on where you began the story, it was about Joseph Kavinsky."

I loved his character from the moment we met him in The Dream Thieves and still think about him to this day. But why? In a way, Kavinsky is too familiar to me, from his attitude, through appearance to his voice. It’s like I knew him, and this isn’t surprising. I met/saw Kavinskys on the streets, I know Kavinskys, and I was a Kavinsky once in my life. Although I'm the opposed to him, I still sympathies with him and understand how it feels to be in dark places in your life. And I'm not the only one, many people adore him and don't deny his actions to be terrible. But on the other side, the majority of fans hates him and titles him "the worst/most evil antagonist of the series". But why? What about K makes him so polarizing? The simple answer is: the way he was presented and the function he played in the plot. Even then, K's whole arc in TDT was handled horribly and damaged the way readers will view, not only people like K but also themselves. This and also future posts, I’ll be analyzing everything relied to K, including his treatment after book's release by the author and what some deleted scenes and unused ending can shine on.

This is part 1 of a series of posts to come.

This part is about the narrative and characters views of Kavinsky.

Narrative and characters

Narrative is a powerful tool of telling a story, well crafted and coupled with character's internal-voice makes the reader view the story under different light. In a PoV of one character, one thing might bring-up different emotions and ideas, than the others. Exploring relationships and events differ, because everybody experience it differently. But problem begins when the narrative forces a reader to a opinion, without backing it up with reasons or giving a opposing one. In case of Joseph Kavinsky, before we properly meet him, we are told by the characters to hate him and the narrative backs them up in reasons to hate him. All the reasons given to us at that time, boil down to "I heard a rumor."

Gansey hates him, because "There was nothing about Kavinsky that wasn’t despicable" and "he thinks life is a music video". He doesn't want Ronan to associated with him, which is connected with him covering and getting Ronan's ass for the mess he made, having him project his anger and frustration he has with Ronan on to K, who part-takes in the same activities and probably with Ronan, is understandable. But I didn't expect much from a guy who: payed the school officials so they won't kick Ronan out; insulted Adam and throw Adam’s abuse at his face, just to instant of apologizing to him, make a pity party for himself (also having Adam apologies to Gansey for his rightful outburst isn't okay), is fine with having a romantic relationship with Blue while she's still with Adam, hurting him even further but makes it all about himself, etc. Him hating K, just because of his lifestyle, made sense. But were the line was crossed, was when he started to decide on other people's worth. Lines like "we matter" (on which I'll extend later in the post) or "Ronan is fixable and has a soul [Kavinsky doesn't]", were used not only to show what Gansey himself thinks of K (he isn't a human being to him), but also demonize K and make the reader not consider him an equal to the Gangsey (a teenage).

Blue hates him, because he's yet another Raven Boy. Her hatred comes mostly from her distance for them, rich boys with privilege to which Gansey gang is an exception (although two out of four are exactly the kind she hates, and she told Noah directly she wouldn't be friends with him if he was alive) (There can be made a whole post about Blue's hypocrites regarding Raven Boys, but this isn't it). She also talks about how she doesn't feel comfortable around K and "if she couldn’t forgive Kavinsky for always managing to make her feel so insignificant", which makes sense. But while describing him, she calls him "a import from somewhere else", not only lessening him as a person but also making a xenophobic comment, noting his long nose as one of the factors (you could say, she meant him being from New Jersey, but you don't "import" stuff from inside a country, you only "import" from abroad and K is Bulgarian, doesn't matter if he's an immigrant or just has Bulgarian roots). Later, while discussing what to do with K draining the ley lines, Greyman offers to talk to him, to which Blue asks him "can you make him feel worthless while you do?”. Yes, she asked a hit-man, who killed not only Niall Lynch but also multiple people (including three on pages, which was described in the case of the ones breaking into Montmouth) for money. (Yes, fans say it's fine he murdered Niall, because he was a dick and horrible father, but what we forget is that it wasn't a fast death. It was slow and brutal, having him bludgeoned to send a message to Declan. No "he was a weapon in Greenmatle's hand" can excuse it.). Plus, he beat-up and threatened Declan with a gun if he doesn't give him the Greywaren. "Making him feel worthless" can only mean the worst. Kavinsky was a asshole, but he didn't deserved that. Also Blue gives the idea to give Kavisnky to the Greyman instant of Ronan, which was shot down, but not because it's horrible, inhuman and they can't decide on someone else's life, but because they think Greenmantle's people will come back also for Ronan. They were ok, with K being basically a scapegoat so Ronan will live.

Adam just "hates that prick" and "looked at the table with a studied disinterest" when K approached their table at Nino's, those are his only interaction in anything Kavinsky related (In a part regarding the "original" ending, we'll see it wasn't always the case.).

Noah barely exists in the series after The Raven Boys and never comes in contact with K or gives any opinion on him, outside of "ducked his head down into his shoulders, but couldn't take his eyes off the newcomer".

Ronan's relation with K could be its own post all together and there already are some good post about it, but for this one, I'll only mention few things. He gives us a very "I hate him but I'm into this lifestyle" attitude. He races against K but doesn't want to have anything to do with him or he's "dogs". (Yes, Dream Packs canon name is "Kavinsky's pack of dogs" as Ronan calls them. Ironically, Ronan gets angry then Declan and K called him "Gansey's dog" but is fine when Gansey calls him "his dog".) He never thanked or acknowledged K saved his life from the Night Horror. He accepted K's help in dreaming-up the new Pig but afterwords ditches him without even a slit gratefulness (his motivation being remembering Gansey's words), and mocks that K thought there could be anything between them (friendship or relationship, it dependents how you interpret it), turning this into just using K to get what he wanted. And yes, what K did while Ronan slept (tracing Ronan's back tattoo with his finger) was unacceptable, if it really happened and wasn't just phantom-touch while falling asleep (if it was real, it can be interpreted as K acting out of his internalized homophobia, letting himself a moment of “curiosity”, but it still wouldn't make it fine).

Ronan and K insult one-another multiple times through-out the story but the difference is quite showing. K's insults are mostly homophobic, calling Ronan a "fag" or implying Ronan and Gansey are together. This is a typical teenage insults, but are also showing of K's internalized homophobia if viewed through "Don’t say Dick Gansey, man. Do not say it. He is never going to be with you. And don’t me tell you don’t swing that way, man. I’m in your head." and "It's a bomb. Just like you." scenes.

But Ronan, excepting the typical insults like "ball-sack", goes after who K is. "Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit" or "Russian" (to the latter, K responded "Hey now, let's not make this ugly") are personal, referring not only to from where K's from, implying he's a mobster like his father and just calling him "a waste". Unfortunately, K's whole character is already one big stereotype of Slavs as viewed not only by Americans. But insulting someone for being "Bulgarian", something they had no control over, is xenophobic. (And for "Russian", as a Slav myself, let me tell you. Calling a non-Russian Slav "Russian" is a quick way to get on their bad side.) And if you're like "Ronan isn't xenophobic, because he's Irish" or "Maggie isn't xenophobic, because Ronan...", you have no idea how things work in Europe. This is the same argument as "He can't be racist, because he's black". TRC fandom is always ready to bring-up all K's sins and even enlarge them, but when in comes to Ronan, all his sins are either forgotten or excused.

One more thing I want to touch on is one of K's parties. After Monmouth got broken into by people looking for Greywaren (which Greyman broke into first), Gansey thinks it must be Kavinsky's doing, because of the fake ID left in front of the door. Him and Ronan go to K's party, he tells them, it's a substance party and asks where are theirs. As an answer, Ronan hits him in the face and throws through a car, just to show him his blooded knuckles with "This is your substance.". The rest is Gansey and Ronan not believing K, that he didn't trash their place, and a "different Gansey" throwing a Molotov cocktail at K's car. After that, they leave. But one thing isn't sitting right with me. The "This is your substance" is a beloved, may I say iconic, scene that is glorified by fans and cited as this "Ronan is so cool and K soo deserved it" thing.

Here's the thing. K is in full right. It's his party, on his rules. Gansey and Ronan just came from nowhere, probably for the first time, so the rule is stated for them. And Ronan's response? Physically assault K. Even if he's angry about the apartment, still he shouldn't just assault him. And Gansey does nothing. And one more thing: K never hits Ronan back. Not in next chapters, not at the end. Never.

Before the chapter ends, we get probably my most hated line from this book:

"Closing his eyes, Gansey leaned his head back on his seat, chin tilted up, throat green in the dash lights. There was still an unsafe sort of smile about his mouth — what a torment the possibility in that smile was — and he said, “There was never a time when that could’ve been you and me. You know the difference between us and Kavinsky? We matter."

We matter. And he doesn't. I could talk about this line and how damaging it is to people who see themselves in Kavinsky, but instant I'll say, why I hate it.

I have anxiety mixed with being introverted and back-in-the-day I felt isolated from my classmates, desperate for friends but only had toxic ones who dropped me so the popular girls would talk with them, just to be friends with me again after some time, bullied to the point of breaking multiple times, and hating myself for not fitting in, unable to connected with my peers in anyway. The line "we matter" echos my worst fear and thoughts from that time. "Everyone matter, you don't". I was too young to even have those thoughts, but they were always there. In the back of my head, like a recurring nightmare.

Just the idea, someone can say with confidence that someone, anyone, doesn't matter, makes me sick. No one has the inside to what's going on in someones life, to what thought are plaguing their head. Everyone's life matter and to say something like this in a book targeted to 12-18 year olds, who are at there most vulnerable stage, is not only irresponsible but enraging. Gansey is saying this about a guy his age, who is drug-addicted and self-destructive, because he doesn't like him and wants Ronan to stay away from. No one calls him out on it. Not Ronan, not the narrative. Nothing.

Until the kidnapping of Matthew and the paradox/question "did the tattoo tracing scene happened?", Kavinsky did nothing to earn hatred from the reader. He was living his life, being a stupid, reckless teenage boy with a power to get everything he wanted. Ask yourself a question: "If you had the power to pulled anything* from your dreams, wouldn't you go crazy with it? Maybe in a very selfish way?"

* Throughout TRC and CDtH, we see no limit to what a dreamer can pull-out. From a pen or working car, living creatures (animals, copies of real people or purely made-up) to abstract things, like a word with power to animate the dead or an apocalypses.

Yes, K's dreaming drained the ley lines, causing Cabeswater to disappear. But did K knew about it? He knew that he needed to wait for it to recharge before dreaming more things and he did just that. The over-draining was cause by preparations for this Fourth of July party (dreaming many copies of his Mitsubishi) but same did Ronan’s dreaming (but Cabeswater acts as weird gatekeeper, so Ronan seems to be forgiven). But did he knew about Cabeswater? Or furthermore, Glendower? We can't confirm or deny it, but considering K isn't from Henrietta and probably is there only for school, he's there for about 2 years. Would he be interested in some random forest or some Welsh King, which just idea of him being in America is so far fetched to believe in?

No. All he was interested it, was parting and wasting himself away.

We don't get any other or opposing opinions on Kavinsky, only the ones given by Gangsey. They are the outsiders looking in, not having any inside, just rumors and their shallow observations/interactions. But we don't even get any "inside", not from other Raven Boys or even the Dream Pack (who are barely characters). After K's death, the only thing we get is Gangsey's not caring or being glad K's gone. Aglionby is silent and Henrietta, doesn't even acknowledge Fourth of July's Party even happened (but to be honest, the town feels like a theater stage than a living place). The only mentions about K that gives some idea someone noticed anything, was his name alongside Whelk’s and Dittley's in the newspaper at the end of BLLB (but this plot point is never mentioned again).

#joseph kavinsky #anti maggie stiefvater #anti raven cycle #anti trc

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nightfayre · 4 years ago

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a donation drabble request for the ever kind and supportive Ayobami @tps31! thank you SO MUCH for your donation and support!! you’ll never know how much it means to me <3

prompt: tianshan quarantine fluff, aka “why the hell am I stuck in a house with you all day every day?”

(a/n: this is just a random thought but I honestly don’t think I’ve written a fic about the boys still in middle school like, ever, so thank you so much for this prompt! it was so refreshing to write them as the flustered, airheaded, and teasing boys they are!) <3

tianshan, 3600 words, rated T

* * *

Guan Shan hates this.

The laundry basket next to his. The pair of shoes at the front door. The extra toothbrush in his bathroom, and the second phone charger plugged in next to his bed. There’s a gray duffel bag taking up the corner of his bedroom and a black jacket draped over the back of his desk chair. None of it takes up too much space, carefully put into their respective places and never crossing the boundary, but—

Guan Shan hates it.

And, what’s worse: he never asked for this. He was stupid enough to mention He Tian’s name at the dinner table one night; a passing comment he hadn’t really thought about. But then his mother had paused with a spoonful of miso soup at her lips, pensive.

“He Tian,” she’d echoed, as if the name felt foreign but sweet on her tongue. “Isn’t that the one who lives near the center of the city? The one who lives alone? The tall and polite and handsome one of your friends?”

“Uh,” Guan Shan had said, smirking with distaste. “Yeah. Sure. That one.”

“Poor thing. Alone throughout all of this mess.” She sighed. “Why does he not live with his family?”

And Guan Shan had thought about it for a moment, sifting through his mind like pressing rewind on a VHS. “I don’t know,” he’d admitted, reaching for the soy sauce. “Never asked.”

She nodded, thinking. “Well, you should invite him over, then.”

Guan Shan choked.

Oblivious, his mother had continued: “Have him stay a few nights. No one should be left alone throughout this entire period. Who knows how long this will last, what with how many cases that have been reported. He’ll go stir crazy by himself, poor soul.”

“He’s already stir crazy,” Guan Shan said, eyes watering from a dislodged grain of rice. “I don’t want him here, ma. I’ll literally do anythin’ else. Seriously.”

She’d given him a disappointed look. “Ah-Shan, I thought I raised you to have a little more compassion than that.”

“Trust me, a person like him doesn’t need compassion.”

“Now, you don’t know that,” she reprimanded. She tapped her chopsticks against her bowl, succinct. “After we finish dinner, you should reach out to him and invite him to spend the week with us.”

“A week?”

“Well, now that school is postponed and I’m working from home, wouldn’t it be nice to have company for a bit?”

“Ma, please—“

“You will text him, Ah-Shan. No excuses. The world needs kindness right now, and we will do whatever we can to contribute to it.”

And that, unfortunately, was that.

That night, Guan Shan deleted the message immediately after he sent it, as if that would erase it out of his memory, too. But it was hard to forget the string of skeptical yet blaringly enthusiastic string of response texts that followed the invite, and even harder to forget the sight of He Tian at their front door half an hour later, duffel bag slung over his shoulder and smile bright as he greeted Guan Shan’s mother with practiced sweetness and feigned gratitude.

Guan Shan hated it.

But as his mother shot him a warning look, Guan Shan couldn’t do anything about it. Couldn’t just ignore him like he did, sometimes, at school.

And now, five days in, there’s a knock at the bathroom door.

“Little Mo, are you naked?”

Running a towel over his hair, Guan Shan scowls at his reflection in the mirror, still foggy from the steam. “Fuck off, chickenshit.”

“I’m kidding.” He can hear the smile in He Tian’s voice. “I just need to brush my teeth.”

“Then you can wait.”

“It’s been twenty minutes, sweetheart. Are your showers usually this long?”

“That’s an average fuckin’ time for showers!”

A hum, muffled by the closed door. “Really? Mine only take ten, and that’s generous considering the precious amount of time I spend washing my—”

The thunk of the lotion bottle against the door rattles its hinges. “Fuck off!”

He waits until he hears He Tian’s footsteps recede. Guan Shan hates that he knows He Tian is walking away with that smug-as-all-hell smile, satisfied.

He dresses quickly after that, doing his best to ignore the citrus-scented face wash by the faucet and the contact lens case by the hand soap. The first time he’d seen all of He Tian’s things laid out like this on his bathroom counter was something like a revelation. It was like some things clicked into place, unbidden. Now it makes sense why Guan Shan sometimes thinks he catches a whiff of lemonade every time He Tian gets too close, and why He Tian looks like he’s scowling whenever he reads but, really, it’s just because he’s blind as a fucking bat and has to squint to see fine print.

If nothing else, Guan Shan suspects at least something valuable might come out of all this time he’s forced to spend together with He Tian — (read: blackmail) — but then again, He Tian hasn’t commented on the old, stained state of Guan Shan’s pillow like Guan Shan thought he would because he’s used it since he was four and can’t really sleep well if he’s not using that specific pillow. And he also hasn’t said anything about the way Guan Shan jumps, sometimes, when the toaster springs up his toast in the mornings because he never fucking sees it coming and it — sometimes — causes him to drop his jam knife.

A stalemate, Guan Shan supposes as he pulls his shirt over his head. Except, deep down, he knows that He Tian probably isn’t even aware that such a concept exists. After all, what would He Tian be if not someone to fight ‘til a broken victor is left standing?

By the time Guan Shan walks out into the living room, it’s ten o’clock. His mother, having finished washing the dishes because Guan Shan made dinner, is nowhere in sight, likely huddled up in her bedroom with a book like she always does before bed. That leaves He Tian alone on the couch, casually flipping through TV stations in a t-shirt and sweats, and he doesn’t see Guan Shan at first when the latter turns the corner.

“Bathroom’s open, dipshit,” Guan Shan mutters. He Tian looks up as Guan Shan approaches, settling on the opposite end of the couch.

“About time.” He Tian tosses Guan Shan the remote, and he barely catches it before it smacks against his chest. Standing, He Tian smiles and says, “Find something good to watch by the time I get back, okay?”

“I don’t work at your beck and call,” Guan Shan seethes. But despite his retorts, his fingers find the remote buttons as He Tian saunters back to the bathroom, hands in pockets and steps quiet against the creaky floors.

For a while, there really is nothing interesting on any of the channels. Guan Shan flies past a romcom, an old horror film, a few cartoons, the dreaded news. Nothing catches his attention — and he feels exhaustion coming on quick. He thinks, maybe, of just going to bed. But behind the apartment’s thin walls, he can hear the water running from the faucet. Despite himself, he frowns.

It’s odd, really. He never thought he could get used to the image of He Tian’s broad frame hunched over his sink in the mornings, or the way He Tian can reach the bowls at the top of the cupboards without going on his toes, or the sight of He Tian’s nape pressed against the twin-sized air mattress on the floor of Guan Shan’s bedroom. He never thought anyone could make his mother laugh as much as he can, or finish puzzles as fast as he can, and he certainly never thought that his mother would spill Guan Shan’s childhood stories to someone she’d only met... once? Twice? He doesn’t keep track. He never had to before.

Nevertheless, it’s not nearly enough time to warrant such trust. Such comfort.

Guan Shan hates it.

But in the midst of his lamenting, the faucet shuts off. A few moments later He Tian returns. And when he plops back onto the couch — too close — he smells of mint and vanilla-scented chapstick.

Too aware of his presence and the way his knee almost touches Guan Shan’s, Guan Shan takes a long second to snap back to reality when He Tian asks, “What’s this?”

Guan Shan blinks. On the TV, there’s some kind of documentary playing. A narrator drones over the images of a complex space aircraft, and the camera pans out to show footage of the stars it swims in. As the screen switches to an interview of someone very important-looking in a suit, Guan Shan scowls.

“I don’t know. Nothin’s on.”

He Tian stretches his arms above his head, long and lithe. “Well,” he says, drawn with a sigh, “if you’re trying to put me to sleep, it might actually work.”

“Fuck off, I don’t control the damn stations,” Guan Shan bites. “And you shouldn’t be tired to begin with. You did jack shit today, just like every other day.”

He Tian looks at him, the corners of his eyes softened with drowsiness in a way that Guan Shan has become used to seeing.

“That’s not true,” He Tian says. “I went with you to pick up supplies so your mom can sew masks. And we went to get the mail downstairs. And I helped you go grocery shopping—“

“You fuckin’ stood there with the cart and didn’t help at all—“

“—and I chopped the onions and peppers for dinner. That’s a lot. I’m exhausted.”

“That’s a normal person’s life,” Guan Shan says, exasperated. “Honestly, what the hell did you do all your life until quarantine?”

He Tian seems to take a moment to genuinely think about his answer. “Homework,” he offers, brows a bit pulled. “Basketball. School, obviously. I usually go to the convenience store for dinner, but sometimes I’ll get takeout. And I don’t get mail, but my groceries get delivered to me, so.”

And then he looks at Guan Shan, almost as if expecting some kind of praising reaction — but Guan Shan can only stare.

“That’s ridiculous,” Guan Shan says after a long moment. “That’s ridiculous and fuckin’ miserable. You live like a robot, and a broken one at that.”

Silence. Then He Tian sits up a little straighter, as if a puppetmaster had pulled on his strings.

“I mean, I used to take piano lessons,” he says, frowning as he rubs at his neck. “And Cheng took me to shooting ranges. And…” A pause. “Camping. Yeah, we went camping some weekends. Went to rivers and fished together all day. I caught a few sometimes.”

Guan Shan blinks. “What, are you tryin’ to prove somethin’ to me right now?”

And He Tian shrugs. “Maybe.”

The answer takes Guan Shan by surprise. But He Tian’s face is neutral — expression always so put together — and Guan Shan wonders if maybe He Tian is lying to him. Building up some kind of persona again just to tear it down later. Because, surely, with that much fucking money and privilege, the guy doesn’t just sit there in that empty apartment all day and twiddle his thumbs. Surely, with his reputation, he has a regular posse of socialites always seeking him out and inviting him to some kind of get-together or event. Surely, considering all that he is, He Tian doesn’t waste his time looking for, or teasing, or protecting, or calling up—

“Guan Shan?” He Tian says, mouth a little twisted. “You still awake?”

The low rambling of the space documentary suddenly seems louder. Guan Shan swallows, once, then forces himself to look away.

“You make no fuckin’ sense to me,” Guan Shan mutters. Then: “When are you leavin’?”

“Ouch,” He Tian remarks in an empty but unsurprised tone, shifting back on the couch. After a moment, he shrugs and responds, “Depends. Your text said a week but your mom says forever.”

A scowl. “She didn’t fuckin’ say that.”

He Tian smiles. “No, she didn’t. But she did say as long as I wanted — which, really, isn’t that much different from forever.”

Guan Shan swallows; feels inexplicable heat crawl up his neck like a spider, and he clenches his jaw against it.

“You should go live with your own family,” he says, staring ahead. “I’m sure they’ve got all the time in the world to shower you with attention.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees He Tian smirk.

“If I didn’t want to live with them at the best of times, what makes you think I would want to live with them at the worst of times?”

Guan Shan considers that. “This… isn’t the worst of times.”

“There’s a pandemic with no cure killing hundreds of people every day,” He Tian says, bland. “School is practically cancelled. People aren’t going to work. You invited me over to your home, unprompted. Even I know, with all things considered, that these are pretty bad times.”

Guan Shan can’t argue that. Instead he stares at the television, watching an astronomer point out weird symbols on some kind of map. It takes a lot of concentration to focus on nothing. After all, if he shifts his gaze any more to the right, he’ll see He Tian. If he lets his eyes slide down any further, he’ll see the way He Tian’s knee is still too close to his own. Both are dangerous territories for dangerous thoughts, and he doesn’t want anything to do with either.

After a moment of silence, Guan Shan says, “You know, you should get friends. Real friends, and not your fuckin’ fangirl group.”

He Tian raises a brow. “I have you and Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi.”

“That’s not—” And then Guan Shan stops, frowning, because he’s not actually sure what their ragtag mess of a group isn’t. Instead, he swallows and pathetically hides behind: “I’m not your fuckin’ friend.”

It’s the wrong thing to say. Or, maybe, it’s exactly what He Tian thought what he’d say. Guan Shan isn’t sure; he’s never fuckin’ sure when it comes to him. But it doesn’t stop him from tensing up when He Tian turns to face him, fully. Wholly. It leaves no escape, and Guan Shan realizes with a sour kind of reluctance that he has no choice but to look back.

“No?” He Tian asks, meeting his gaze. “Then, what are you to me?”

The way the television’s screen lights up He Tian’s face — it’s like looking at a painting, alone in the museum, at the dusk of day. Blue hues shine through his hair, dim, and his eyes are only bright enough to reflect the silhouette of Guan Shan sitting in front of him. It’s eerie, how the both of them are so undefined in this moment. Maybe, in a way, that’s easier.

Guan Shan’s voice feels thick when he says, “I’m not answerin’ that.”

“Why?”

“I don’t— need to.”

“Why?” And then: “Overthinking it?”

Guan Shan flares. “What? What the fuck does that— No, I just— I don’t need to answer fuckin’ anything, asshole. I… I owe you jack shit.”

Silence responds to him. He Tian watches him; studies him. Guan Shan feels like a specimen under his gaze, split apart layer by layer under the microscope. He feels like, somewhere, something in him is splintering. And He Tian is watching it happen.

“I don’t have a fuckin’ answer,” Guan Shan admits, sudden, like a sinner in a confession booth, heavy and quiet and raspy. “Okay? I told you, you don’t make any goddamn sense to me. You wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my ma.”

He Tian soaks that in, almost as thoroughly as he takes in the sight of Guan Shan’s flushed scowl.

“You didn’t want me here?” he says, teasing.

“No, dipshit. Every time you’ve been here hasn’t been because I asked you to be.”

He Tian smirks. “Ouch,” he says again, except this time it’s said in a way that pricks Guan Shan like a rose thorn.

Guan Shan pushes down the heavy feeling in his throat. “I don’t know what you were expectin’,” he says, truthfully.

And then He Tian looks away, rolling his head. There’s a kind of empty look in his eyes that Guan Shan thinks he recognizes, and after a moment he realizes it’s the same look he’s seen in He Cheng’s eyes in the few rare times they’d crossed paths.

“I wasn’t expecting a pandemic,” He Tian says. His voice sounds loud in the small room. “I wasn’t expecting school break to get extended. I wasn’t expecting all the restaurants to close, and for all the store’s shelves to be wiped clean.” He runs his tongue along his teeth. “But I guess, for some reason, I was expecting a text from you after weeks of nothing.”

It hits Guan Shan, hard and heavy, like a ring-laden fist against his cheek. The last time he’d seen He Tian before all of this mess was a month ago — more — and at the time, none of them had known that this is how it would turn out. How could they? It’d only taken a week for things to turn south, and Guan Shan was too busy worrying of how he and his mom were going to file for unemployment to think of the way his phone had been silent for longer than he’s been used to.

He wants to pull it out right now; check his recent messages. It would be with a sort of disbelief when he would find the timestamp on He Tian’s contact, he already knows. But the shock wouldn’t come from his own lack of outreach. No, his perplexity would stem from He Tian, the same person who couldn’t go a single weekend without a conversation about nothing over Facetime back when things were normal. The same person who, apparently, hadn’t messaged him once until Guan Shan texted him that dreadful night five days ago.

Had he been— testing Guan Shan?

“I didn’t reach out to anybody else,” Guan Shan hears himself saying. The words taste bitter as they leave his mouth. What is he doing? What does he have to justify? “I... It was weird, those first few days of the lockdown order, and my ma and I— we had a lot goin’ on. It wasn’t— I mean, I haven’t talked to Zheng Xi or Jian Yi this whole time either. I just... don’t have time. Or, I did, but it wasn’t urgent. I— yeah, I barely use my phone anymore, anyway. I’m always at home now so I just... don’t need it.”

He stops, his tongue feeling thick. He Tian isn’t looking at him, but he knows he’s listening. Somehow, the thought makes it even worse.

“What,” He Tian suddenly says, and there’s a curl to his mouth that he can’t seem to help, “are you trying to prove something to me right now?”

“I—“ Guan Shan flares, teeth clenched and ears hot. “Fuck you. No, I’m not, asshole. I’m actually rescuin’ your damn pride, but apparently you’ve got too fuckin’ much.”

“Hey, hey,” He Tian says, wrapping his fingers around Guan Shan’s wrist when he makes to get up. “Come on. Don’t make me finish this documentary by myself.”

Guan Shan scowls. “I’m tired. Let go.”

“Then we can sleep on the couch,” He Tian replies — and then almost as if it were an afterthought: “again.”

Guan Shan warms at the implication of it. “Why the fuck would I do that when my room is around the corner?” he hisses.

He Tian tugs his arm. “Because I’ll follow you anyway since I’ve only got two days left with you and I’m not letting today end like this.” He smiles. “We’re not sleeping yet. I’m selfish.”

“I could’ve fuckin’ told you that,” Guan Shan mutters, dry. But he relaxes, settling back on the couch, and eventually He Tian lets him go. The skin he had touched feels electric in his absence.

“Let’s make popcorn and ride this out,” He Tian says, settling against a throw pillow. His eyes, no longer empty, are content as they drift back to the screen.

Hand in chin, Guan Shan smirks. “We both brushed our teeth already. I’m not doin’ it again.”

“Tomorrow, then.” He Tian gestures to the TV. “Popcorn and something more interesting than this.”

“If you think this is so damn boring, then why are you still here?”

“When else will I find an opportunity to spend time with you like this after I leave?”

Guan Shan doesn’t respond. After a moment, He Tian huffs.

“That’s when you’re supposed to invite me back over in the future, little Mo,” he says, amused. Guan Shan shoots him a warning look as the documentary goes to a commercial break.

“Don’t push your luck,” he snaps. “And don’t try to convince my ma, either.”

He Tian hums, shifting, and Guan Shan suppresses a flinch when his knee presses up against his. Warm. “I hadn’t even thought about that. That might be the agenda for tomorrow, now.”

“I’m sick of you,” Guan Shan growls. And He Tian laughs, like it’s the funniest thing ever, how easily he can get under Guan Shan’s skin and force him to worry about nothing and get him to stay with him to watch shitty television all within the span of twenty minutes. How Guan Shan has managed to survive more than three days is an incredible feat. How he’s unable to chase away the thought of inviting He Tian over for dinner after he leaves, sometimes, is an inexplicable one.

And when the documentary comes back on with a cheap intro jingle and the streaming quality of a disposable camera, Guan Shan feels He Tian’s foot hook against his and tries to convince himself, over and over:

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

* * *

thank you for reading! likes/reblogs would be greatly appreciated, as this fic is dedicated to the Black Lives Matter movement. if you would like a fic/drabble written for you (and you want to support the BLM cause!), please see this post!

have an incredible week! <3

#19 days #tianshan #:)))#please reblog! it would mean the world!

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krisdreaming · 4 years ago

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Some of my thoughts on the state of this blog & fluffmas & my headspace right now are below the cut. This is LONG. Don’t feel obligated to read or respond - mostly, I’m just writing this as something cathartic to toss into the void. I’ll probably end up deleting it later.

I have been feeling so unsatisfied with this blog lately, in many ways. Unsatisfied with my writing. Unsatisfied with the response to my writing (but this is Not a call-out post, except maybe for myself). Unsatisfied with the environment that’s evolved here. I thought, maybe, talking it out would help, so here goes nothing.

I’ve been busy writing for fluffmas, and don’t get me wrong, I have been enjoying it to some degree. At the same time, however, I don’t think my heart’s in it. These fics I’m putting out just don’t feel like they have the warmth or depth that was practically my trademark for so long. They feel superficial. Mechanical. Fluff for the sake of fluff without any substance to give it any kind of meaning. At the very core, I think I’m driven by some sense of obligation, and not my love for writing or these characters. And the part that frustrates me the most is that I don’t know how to get back to that.

I don’t want to discontinue fluffmas. I’ve hyped it up so much. I have 75% of it written already, anyway, even if it doesn’t exactly meet my standards. I don’t like letting people down or going back on my word, even if it’s just a fanfiction posting schedule. I know what the response to this is going to be: “You need to do what’s best for you!” “Your mental health is most important!” “You need to write what you love / what makes you happy!” And I KNOW how important all of that is. Believe me. It’s just that this is something that I really want to see through. As of now, I don’t have plans to discontinue it, but we’ll see how things go.

Then there’s the response (aka the numbers). I have always sworn to myself that I would never complain about notes or numbers publicly. No matter how poorly a fic does, I have made it a point not to mention it (aside from a time or two, perhaps) because this isn’t about the numbers. I truly do believe that, but at the same time, the numbers have power whether I want to admit it or not. Seeing a fic blow up is just such a pleasant feeling, knowing that so many people have read and enjoyed it enough to like, or even reblog and gush about it! It feels good. After it happens enough times, it becomes a high that you can’t help but chase even a little bit.

Over my time on this blog, I guess you could say I’ve become accustomed to a certain level of response to my fics and posts. In the last month or two, I’ve noticed a downturn, and i won’t lie. It hurts a little bit. It makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. But at the same time, I recognize that if I’m putting out these lackluster fics, it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG. I always appreciate every like/reblog/comment. I’m not here just for the notes. It is a part of the experience, though. It’s a part of what makes tumblr so enjoyable for me. Maybe that makes me selfish, I don’t know. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t care about it at all, because that’s just not true.

Interactions are just another part of that. I want to interact with you guys, I really do, but sometimes I just feel like there’s a disconnect there. Maybe it’s because of my age, or because of how awkard/socially inept I am, but I can feel it. Even when I make an effort to interact without making it about writing, I feel like I fail miserably. I envy those I see that interact so effortlessly. I’m not asking for pity interactions, either. I’m just saying what I’m feeling, so don’t feel obligated in the least.

The last thing I’ve been thinking about is my relationship with tumblr, in general. I’ve been on this site sort of off and on for about 10 years, in a number of fandoms. I’ve been through a lot of different phases of tumblr life. There was a span of years where tumblr was the one place where I felt like I belonged when so many other aspects of my life I struggled to fit in.

I think part of why I’m still here is because I don’t want that feeling to go away. The rest of my life is better, now, but that time holds so many warm, happy memories for me. I think it’s part of why tumblr is so special to me, and why it and Haikyuu have such a nostalgic effect for me. My time in the Haikyuu fandom from 2014-2016 was unlike anything else, and I’m completely aware of how corny this sounds, but I’ll always treasure that time in my life.

Things are different in my real life now, in a lot of ways. I’m a full fledged adult with a house and a full time job. I have friends who are having babies, who have work out routines, who are becoming doctors and teachers. Maybe tumblr isn’t the place for me anymore, and maybe I need to come to terms with that. I’m not sure, but I’m going to be doing a lot of thinking on that.

At the end of the day, writing is still something I enjoy very much. It gives me something outside of my daily grind to devote my time to. I’ve literally been doing it for as long as I can remember. This is the best place for me to continue to do it, purely for fun. Writing what I love about the characters I love and sharing it with others truly brings me so much joy. I don’t want to give that up. I just need to figure out how it can fit into my life now. In the new year, things on this blog might change a little bit, but I truly hope I will still be here. I hope I can find my joy again.

#k talks #a very introspective thing #tbh i think this helped me a lot

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annabethy · 4 years ago

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midnight

to the anon that sent me this prompt: i saved this as a draft and accidentally deleted it because Tumblr sucks so i no longer have the ask but i still wrote it and i really hope u see this. aka the dog is the wingman

Percy glares at his dog that was currently standing by the door, staring him down with big, sad eyes.

It was like Mrs. O’Leary knew the worst times to go on a walk, but did the dog care? No, of course not. The dog’s job was to make Percy’s life more difficult, and she was doing just that.

“I have a final,” Percy grumbles, already clucking the leash onto the dog’s harness knowing he lost the staring contest. “And you decide you have to go on a walk at midnight, so I’m going to fail and cry and it will be your fault.”

Mrs. O’Leary just wags her tail excitedly, twirling in circles as Percy unlocked just apartment door, tightening his jacket around himself.

The only good thing about the midnight walk was Percy wouldn’t run into anyone he knew because he did not look good. He looked the opposite of good. Disgusting, abhorrent, repulsive, unable to be loved by even his own mother.

Let’s just say a pair of old grey sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt did not suit him.

The walk did help to clear his mind though. Percy loosely gripped the leash in one hand, breathing in the fresh air as he walked alongside ants O’Leary, pausing for her to sniff at the grass around the deserted park.

It was so peaceful, and Percy was starting to actually be okay with being pulled from the comfort of his own apartment. It wasn’t so bad, just chilling in the breeze, or at least that’s what he thought.

One second.

That’s how long he let go of that stupid leash.

In that one second that he was bending down to tie his shoe, Mrs. O’Leary stops feigning interest in the ant pile and bolts down the path.

“Mrs,” he hisses, sprinting after the dog with one shoelace dangerously undone. She takes a sharp turn and Percy nearly falls on his ass, just barely making it around the corner.

Percy swears he was getting closer, but the reality was quite the opposite. Mrs. O’Leary slowly creeps further and further away, and Percy just does not have the stamina to keep up.

It was for that reason that he was in no way going to be able to stop her from jumping onto a stranger’s lap in the one area of the park that was pitch black.

Of course. Everything went wrong in Percy’s life, because it wouldn’t be his life if it didn’t.

“Uh—“ Percy chokes on air, because he could only see the vague outline of a person, and then there were two piercing grey eyes staring back at him. He didn’t call the dog off, too distracted by the terrifying eyes that felt all too similar to ones you’d see in a horror movie.

“Your shoe’s untied,” the person deadpans, who he now realized is a girl.

Percy stammers uncomfortably, whistling his dog back to his side. When she didn’t come, Percy had to come forwards and bodily wrestle her away from the stranger, who seemed rather amused with the whole situation. It was like she was enjoying Percy’s misery.

A few breathless moments later, Percy was back to staring at the dark outline, wondering why the fuck this girl was sitting in the dark.

A light clicked on in front of him.

“Boo.”

Percy actually jumps, shooting the girl a glare once his heart stops threatening to throw him into cardiac arrest. It takes a moment of him catching his breath, his hand over his chest dramatically, before he can whine, “That’s not funny.”

“Kind of.” She precariously closes a book laying on her lap, choosing to pay attention to the squirming Percy who was looking at her like she was about to rip his throat out. “Are you okay?”

Percy scratches his neck, not liking the way this was going. Nothing good ever comes at midnight. “Why are you sitting in the dark?” he chooses to ask.

“I concentrate the best in the dark.” The girl blinks at him, looking him up and down. Percy now takes the time to look at, noticing her perfect blond ringlets and stormy grey eyes that were significantly less creepy once light was on them. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, uh— it’s Percy.” He tightens his grip on the leash again, silently cursing his dog getting him into this mess.

“Percy,” she states cordially. “Are you always this much of a stuttering mess?”

He would’ve gasped in indignation, but like she said, he was too much of a stuttering mess. Instead, he just looks at her, offended.

“I’m not going to kill you,” she says, raising an eyebrow. “You look like I’m about to whip a knife out and stab you.”

“You were sitting in the dark,” he manages. “Alone.”

“As I said, I like the dark.” The girl tilts her head. “I’m Annabeth.”

“Nice of you not to kill me, Annabeth.”

She pulls the corner of her mouth up in a smile. Percy’s stomach does a little flutter, because wow she is so much cuter now that his fight or flight senses weren’t on overdrive.

Percy shifts his feet, unable to tear his eyes away. “You were really sitting here because... you were reading in the dark? That sounds kind of impossible.”

“I wasn’t reading,” she says. “I was thinking. About the book.”

“Oh. That makes perfect sense,” he lies.

“Yeah, right.”

An awkward silence settles, and he desperately wants to make it go away. Mrs. O’Leary pulls at the leash again, and Percy has to resist the urge to kick his dog.

“May I ask why you chose to ‘think about the book’ at midnight in the dark?”

She laughs, and it’s something of a dream. “I have a final tomorrow. I just needed someone dark and quiet to recite things in my head. It’s how I memorize things.”

“I have a final too,” he tells her. “And this dog decided I just had to take her out right this instant.”

“Well, that’s okay. If she hadn’t, you wouldn’t have gotten the pleasure of meeting me.”

Percy reels, because yeah, that was definitely her flirting with him. Or perhaps he was reading too much into it, but she really hopes he was flirting with him.

Percy decides to take a chance, trying really hard not to seem as desperate as he really was. At twenty-one, he should have more game than he does, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“You’ll have to let me know how that final goes,” he says, already backing off in the direction he came from.

Annabeth takes the bait, leaning forwards slightly on her crossed legs. “How am I meant to do that when I have no way of contacting you?”

“You could always give me your number,” he says, and Annabeth rolls her eyes at his blatant attempt, but she seems oddly endeared and he might actually have a shot here. “I’m sure we’ll both be dead on our feet. I could take you out for coffee afterwards.”

“Sounds delightful,” she says, holding out her hand to signal for him to give her his phone.

Percy steps closer again, pulling his phone out of his pocket and setting it into her hand, watching as she types a few numbers in. When it’s back in his hand and she’s shooting him a dazzling smile, he decides to take off, ready to go to sleep just so he gets to see her pretty smile again.

“I should get going,” he says, pointing over his shoulder. “It was nice meeting you, Annabeth. Thank you for not stabbing me.”

“It was nice meeting you too,” she tells him, eyes full of mirth. “As for the stabbing, you better call, or I might just have to change that.”

“Your wish is my command,” he says, lifting his hand in a final wave. “Until tomorrow.”

As Percy walks away, he tries very hard not to trip on his shoelace that still isn’t tied, igniting Annabeth’s teasing warning not to fall on his face. It was mortifying, but so was the whole encounter, and she seemed thoroughly into him, so he still wins. The second he’s out of her line of vision, there is not an ounce of shame inside him as he kneels to the ground to hold up a hand for Mrs. O’Leary.

“High five, girl,” he whispers, not even grossed out when she presses her slimy nose to his palm. “We just got a pretty girl’s phone number on a midnight walk, and if that’s not fate, I don’t know what is.”

Maybe he had been wrong before.

Sometimes the best things do come at midnight.

#percabeth #percy jackson #annabeth chase #pjo #anon i am so sorry #also thank u for the prompt because no one ever sends me any #my writing #anon #asks

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victoria-daydreams · 4 years ago

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Something’s Gotta Give

Chapter One: Greetings, Neighbor!

Chapter Two: The Stairwell Encounter

Summary: In which a brief conversation shows promise at Livia chipping away at Booker’s guarded exterior.

It's been four days since I officially met my grumpy neighbor, Booker. And in that time I've launched a solo operation called B.J.T.B.L aka 'Bring Joy to Booker's Life'. In my head this sounded like a great idea, the only problem is, I think Booker is avoiding me. It was like the man had a sixth sense on how to avoid any contact with people, especially me. Lucky for Booker, I've been preoccupied as of late with my own personal problems, so my operation has been put on hiatus.

For now.

It had been a long day at work, but fortunately it was over and I could finally relax for the rest of the night. Wheeling my bicycle along the path to my apartment complex, I gazed at the pink clouds above me. They floated slowly across the sunset sky and I was able to feel the last few remaining rays of warmth before the sun fully disappeared.

I came to a halt and let my bike rest on me as I grabbed the camera that dangled from my neck. Powering on the camera, I lifted the device to my eye and snapped a single shot of the beautiful evening sky above me. I lowered the camera from my eye and examined the photo.

“This would be a nice canvas print,” I thought.

The trill of my phone ringing snapped me out of my reverie and I dug my hand into my coat pocket to grab it. My eyes narrowed when I saw the number that appeared on my screen as I resumed my walk home.

"I thought I told you to delete my number!" I greeted, clutching my phone tightly.

"Babe, come on, how many times have I apologized?"

I scoffed, "You think that multiple apologies is just going to fix what happened?" I asked in disbelief, approaching the corridor of my apartment. "You cheated on me Ben! There is no amount of apologies that will change that fact!" I exclaimed, shaking my head.

"Liv, I lov-"

"Go to hell Ben!" I hissed. "Don't try and call me anymore because your number will be blocked!" I finished, ending the call and stuffing the phone back into my coat pocket.

I exhaled deeply and lifted my eyes from my phone, my brow slowly raising itself when I saw a figure stretched out on the stairwell. Gingerly, I moved closer to the figure and a sigh of relief escaped my lips once I recognized who it was. It was just Booker. Both his legs were outstretched, one crossed over the other while his head rested against the wall, his eyes closed.

I didn't know if I should be confused or be concerned as to why Booker was resting on the stairs in this dimly lit and dirty hallway. After all, his apartment was literally right next to the stairs. My brows furrowed as I cocked my head to the side and shook my head, it's a mixture of both, if you're wondering. Slowly, I made my way over to Booker's form and cautiously reached my hand out to lightly tap him on the shoulder. My hand inched closer and closer to him when suddenly his hand shot out and caught my wrist in his grip, causing my heart to nearly leap out of my chest.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" I breathed out quickly.

"What are you doing?" Booker asked, in his usual gruff tone.

"I could be asking you the same question!" I retorted, my heart still racing as I looked him up and down. "You're the one who's passed out on the stairwell," I pointed out, and Booker's eyes snapped open at my remark.

"I didn't pass out," Booker grunted, letting of my wrist.

I raised a skeptical brow at him as the strong smell of liquor drifted into my nose, but I wasn't going to verbally comment on it.

I rolled my eyes, "I could hardly tell," I stated sarcastically, dropping my arm to my side.

Booker pushed himself up into a sitting position, "Why are you still here?" he questioned, sounding annoyed. "I'm fine, go home," he grumbled, rubbing his temple.

"You know, I think I might just stay now," I suggested, my lips curving into a small smile. "This is after all, the longest conversation I've had with you Booker," I added, rolling my bike back and forth.

"God," Booker groaned, pinching his nose in irritation. "You are persistent," he complained.

I walked over to my front door and placed my bike against the wall, "You'll thank me later for it." I assured, making my back to Booker and standing in front of him. "Come on," I breathed, offering my hand for Booker to take.

Several seconds of silence passed between us as he glanced at my outstretched hand warily. Letting out a quiet sigh, Booker took my hand and I helped onto his feet, pulling himself up to his full height which towered over my five-foot-four frame.

I placed my free hand on top of his, "I believe you can make it to your door without my assistance," I joked, a small grin tugging at my mouth and Booker just nodded silently. "Good," I said, a chuckle leaving my lips as I gave his hand a soft pat before letting go of his hand.

I turned around and walked back to front door, grabbing my bike along the way and plucked my keys out my pocket. Unlocking my door, I entered my apartment and placed my bike off to the side, just as I was about to shut my door I looked up to see that Booker was standing in his doorway with the door half shut.

"Thank you, Livia."

A full blown smile broke out on my face.

"Anytime Booker."

Chapter Three: Tea for Two

#the old guard fanfiction #the old guard #old guard #black fanfiction #black original character #black!oc #sebastien le livre #booker #booker x oc #booker x reader #the old guard imagine

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betweentheheavesofstorm · 4 years ago

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i keep thinking i’m done beating this dead horse but no, because i’ve now read an interview with Kester Grant that explains, Well, a Lot.

I’m also pissing myself because on her Agent’s site bio, she’s listed as being born on December 5, “alongside notorious British rebel Guy Fawkes” which strongly suggests that SOMEONE involved thought Guy Fawkes was born on November 5.

I then looked at her About page on her own website, where the note is “Death-day of notorious British rebel Guy Fawkes celebrated annually in the UK by giant morbidly ironic bonfire's & firework displays” which is ALSO wrong because he wasn’t even brought to trial till the following January ?? the fireworks commemorate the gunpowder plot aka the actual thing that happened on the 5th of november ohh my god kester grant use wikipedia challenge

Anyway, this is gonna be a Long Post, so I’m gonna put the quotes + commentary under the cut:

Firstly, Marius DID appear in an initial draft, only to be deleted later:

He was present in the first draft of the book when I sold it to the publishing house and I just struggled every time I had to write a scene with him. All the scenes with Marius and Enjolras St. Juste (it was Marius originally as well as St. Juste, and St. Juste was just a secondary character) and I was saying to my husband ‘if only I could write this scene with just St. Juste it would be 3 million times better’ [...] So I said to my editor, “listen, could I cut Marius?” and she said “absolutely!” and everything was just three million times better and now we just have St. Juste who became the amazing star that he is and I love him.

so we did get Marjolas, just the other way round than we normally do.

On her writing process:

I had the idea for The Court Of Miracles and I wrote it in six weeks to apply for a competition called Pitch Wars where you get mentored by two published authors and then at the end of the mentorship of two months they help you edit it.

Really? Written in six weeks? you certainly couldn’t tell...

Then, when asked about research:

I started to do research on a 48 hour flight from the States to where I live now in Mauritius [...] So I had this raging fever and I had a million tabs open on my computer and I was just eating the history of Paris, from this origin all the way through to Napoleon’s fall. And taking notes and getting ideas.

honestly her having a fever while doing the research suddenly means EVERYTHING makes sense

On how she came up with the Guilds:

Then I went online to see what kinds of crimes there are and I looked up laws. I had a whole list of different crimes and said ‘okay, we can split these into guilds’ and then I thought if you’re two young girls living in a criminal world, who is the most terrifying criminal?’ and obviously it would be the human trafficker. So automatically I was like ‘okay that’s your big bad guy. That’s your Shere Khan’.

what kind of crimes there are

Being in the first person is interesting because I don’t normally write in the first person. Being of a certain age, I’m 35, everything I’ve ever read in England was written in the third person, but I knew I was writing a young adult book, or at least one bordering on young adult, so I had been advised to write in the first person, which I hated. It was completely unnatural to me but I think it’s worked very well for Nina. [bolding mine]

once again, you definitely can’t tell that she hates the first person !! not at all!! also that’s definitely not the sort of thing you should say in an interview?!

I have since been told, from my best friend and all of my siblings, that Nina is actually like me and of course it was easy to write her because she does what I would do.

ohoho it’s self-insert o’clock! and, as Briar pointed out, it’s just a wild coincidence that her self-insert is also universally beloved by the Hot Young Men of the novel. (Not that in fic I’m against self-inserts - but once again, this is published !)

There’s going to be two sequels [to The Court Of Miracles] so there might *hint hint*, be a bit of jealousy or triangles or things between [Ettie and Nina]

personally i’m delighted by this! we already have a love square, what is it gonna become? a tetrahedron? is the dauphin gonna suddenly fall for Cosette? or Montparnasse, or Enjolras St. Juste????

Nina, if pushed a certain way, if she allowed herself to go a certain way, could easily become very similar to [Kaplan, the villain]. I’m not saying she would become a human trafficker but Nina is basically a walking PTSD case. She’s like Batman! She’s like Samuel Vimes in Ankh-Morpork [in Discworld]!

nina is like batman. right, got it.

Originally the book had the history of Paris by the Dead Lord in between every single chapter and I think it was a bit too weighty and a bit boring in places. So my editor said ‘let’s scrap that’ and I said ‘okay but then I’m going to put the short stories in’.

you know, her editor dropped the ball in a lot of places, but at least they got rid of that, because I was skim reading the folk story bits as it was

I have another book coming out next year, it’s basically like The Jungle Book but on speed.

this is the bit that made me almost spit peppermint tea everywhere because who the fuck describes their own work like that

and finally, last but not at all least, here’s her overview of the French Revolution:

I mean the nobles [in The Court Of Miracles] were always monstrous in a way but they have become 100 times worse because they saw what the people of France were about to do to them. Which historically, the people of France, the revolutionaries, led the terror – they murdered everyone right left and centre! Then of course the revolutionaries famously turned on their own.

There was terrible suffering that led to the revolution but the revolutionaries were all mental. They literally murdered each other because they were so paranoid! Robespierre got rid of the Roman Catholic Religion entirely and then invented his own religion! Look it up its called the Cult Of The Supreme Being!

Then there were three guys who had joint power who were supposed to form an equal government. One of them rose to power and his name was Napoleon and he became a dictator. Although he was a dictator who took over almost all of the world, the people of France loved him. [Then] the people of France themselves in a strange turn of events turned on him in the end and betrayed him. Otherwise, he might still have been in power for years and years. And Napoleon is a big feature in Books Two and Three… just saying…

napoleon!! we’re getting NAPOLEON in the next two i am so genuinely excited because I have no fucking idea what she’s gonna do

#CoM Salt #i have spent a lot of this evening reading different interviews and looking at her twitter feed #she's bizarrely self-obsessed AND self-deprecating #remember remember the 5th of november #it's guy's birthday and we forgot to get him anything

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gwoongi · 5 years ago

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acts of love

bts / reader, all members / reader genre: best friends au, fluff + crack rating: general words: 9.6k warnings: platonic relationships, smoking, so much fluff you might need to book an appointment with ur dentist for tomorrow morning ASAP a/n: if u want 2 be bts’ best friend, raise ur hand *thousands of hands raise*. this fic fuels my genuine need to be their bff. i saw this post last night + wrote this immediately. hope u love it like i do :D

➸ As long as you’ve got a good group of friends, anything is possible. Thankfully, you’ve got the best group you could ever ask for.

(01) taking pics of ur friends without them asking u to bc they looked so pretty in that exact moment

“Well, at least the views not so bad. Honestly, I thought it would be a lot worse.”

Beside you, at the top of the bleachers that surround the large football pitch below, Taehyung huffs and kicks his feet up onto the empty row in front of him. It would be easy to just move rows, considering the game’s due to start in ten minutes time, and there’s plenty of empty seats closer. But, he’s bought these seats, and by the looks of things, Yoongi and Hoseok are already comfortable where they are, sharing a big bag of sticky popcorn between them. Casting a look to the right, you notice that Sana and Seunghee are making their way up, dressed in jerseys and caps, and you suddenly feel very out of place.

“Tell me why I came again?” you ask, not looking away from the pitch below. The grass is bright green, and every wandering body down on the pitch is just a small speck.

“Because,” Taehyung starts, unlocking his phone and checking his messages. You snoop- one missed text from Jeongguk and two off his Mom, which makes you smile. Taehyung’s always been a Mommy’s boy. “You love me, and you know that I worked my ass off for two whole months saving up for these tickets. And, since Jimin’s sick and couldn’t come, you decided to be a good friend and take his place.”

With a frown, you look back towards Taehyung. “I don’t know shit about football.”

“Cheer when we do,” Taehyung suggests honestly.

Yoongi perks up, patting your arm roughly. “Do what I do, and cheer for the team with the prettier uniform.”

“Don’t!” Taehyung hisses, grabbing you back. “The other team have a prettier uniform, but if you cheer for them on this side of the stadium, you’re going to get mobbed. Hey, Yoongi, don’t tell her that, she doesn’t know any better.”

“Just football,” Yoongi shrugs.

“Just football…” Taehyung scoffs and shrinks back down in his seat.

You laugh quietly, petting Taehyung’s leg with faux sympathy. As you move your body to glance around the stadium, strangely anticipating the start of the match, a flash out the corner of your eye makes you look over in Hoseok’s general direction. Hoseok holds his phone up, taking a photo, and then smiles as he checks it on the screen.

“Jung Hoseok, delete it now!” you gape, realising what he’s done. “Oh my God, I bet I look so ugly...you could have warned me.”

“Sorry,” he laughs sheepishly. He then shows you the screen, “you looked pretty! And it’s your first live match ever, we had to document it. Yoongi, look. Wow...I’m sending this to Jimin for proof that you’re having fun.”

“What if I’m not having fun?” you ask.

He glances up, “you are.”

Well. If he says so.

(02) randomly giving tiny gifts (a comic book that ur friend likes, a heart-shaped piece of paper with a sweet message on it)

“Can anybody here share the exact chemistry behind Elephant Toothpaste?”

Chemistry is the absolute bane of your life. It’s only been a few weeks, and you’re already regretting taking additional classes in it. Technically, it was Jimin’s fault you were here in the first place. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jimin was afraid of enrolling into classes alone and therefore had guilted you into taking advanced chemistry with him, then you wouldn’t be here. You sigh for the fourth time in the last ten minutes and shove your chin into the palm of your hand. The clock above Professor Han’s head seems to be still, taunting you with zero movements.

Can boredom kill you? You wonder about that, letting your mind wander as Professor Han continues to quiz the front two rows on the exact chemical formula of the affectionately named Elephant Toothpaste. You’re so close to finding the answer when you feel somebody poking your upper arm. The finger that pokes belongs to Jimin, and you angle your head to look at him with a questioning glare.

Jimin smiles, his hair falling into his face. Like you, he rolled out of bed this morning and tried his best to look semi-presentable; if you counted borderline pajama wear and a serious case of bed-head to be presentable and acceptable for a 9am lecture. Jimin says nothing, just smiles and pushes something towards you with two fingers. The sound of the paper sliding towards you brings your gaze down, and as you look away to stare at it, Jimin returns his attention to Professor Han. Bare in mind, his notebook is empty, save doodles of Yewon on the front row, occasionally losing focus and staring around the room for long periods of time.

What Jimin has pushed before you is a small little piece of paper, smoothly cut into a heart shape. Now the sound of scissors makes sense… It’s just scrap paper from the back of his notebook, decorated with tiny stars and circles, a pathetic hand drawn galaxy on the front like a book cover. You slowly pick it up, more interested in this than the lecture. You turn it over curiously, your heart thumping endearingly and a smile picking up on your face as you read what he’s written on the back.

you and me have some serious chemistry. love u

Jimin refuses to make eye contact again. He’ll say something along the lines of, “you’re taking it too seriously” when you’ll no doubt ask him about it later, but really, Jimin’s just a softie, with the sudden need to tell his friends that he loves them. You’re not complaining.

(03) handwritten letters with cute stickers

Something’s been left in your shared kitchen, something with your name on it and closed in an envelope with a small Gudetama sticker. You set your cup of tea to the side, sliding up onto a stool near the breakfast bar to read it. The front is in a bold font, in handwriting you don’t really recognise. Careful of the time and effort put into the appearance, you carefully open the envelope and take out the contents.

Y/N

Good morning. I hope you slept okay - when I came home last night after judo, you were actually passed out on the couch in the common room so I piggy backed you up to your room. Hehe, your room is so dirty though...I think I definitely tripped over a plug that connected your fairylights, so sorry if that doesn’t work anymore. Anyway. I left this morning and left you some nice tea and some tablets (Yoongi said that I should put them in your bathroom, so I literally just left them on your sink). I know you haven’t been having a fun time with midterms and you need to take care of yourself! If you get too sick and can’t do anything, then how will we eat?? You’re our uni mom!!! We need to live too!!!!! D:

I also rented out Harry Potter for later. I know you get really sad and lonely when you’re stressed out, and so we can watch it together when I’m home after my shift at work :D

Hehe, feel better <3 Just remember that Jeonggukie loves you!!!

Drink tea and stay warm :)

Lots of love, Jeongguk :D

The paper is signed with Jeongguk’s messy handwriting, like he ran out of time as he was writing it. The page is littered with tiny Gudetama stickers and the sight of it makes you smile. Along with other little notes Jeongguk’s left for you over the last few months, this one earns a spot on your cork board above your desk.

(04) remembering what ur friend likes or dislikes

You were so late.

Almost getting run over by a bus in the process, you sprint across the small road that separates your flat and the University central campus, missing a deep puddle as you step up off the road and onto the pavement. It pours, your hair soaked and makeup no doubt running and staining your cheeks. Holy fuck, you were so late.

Every Friday, without fail, Flat 6 (aka the large and slightly stinky flat you share with two of your best friends) host an annual movie night, inviting literally all of your extended friendship group which definitely is not allowed, but who cares? You noticed Namjoon’s car pulled up in the car park next door and curse again, knowing you’re the last one to arrive to a movie night you’re technically hosting.

You rush up the stairs, since the elevator is still down for maintenance, and burst into the flat with an announcing groan. From somewhere in the living room, Jeongguk looks up with happy surprise and jumps up off the couch, approaching the hall.

“Y/N! You made it.”

You wince, smiling as you hang up your coat to drip dry on the mat near the door. “Yep. I made it. To my own movie night. That I’m technically helping host.”

“No sweat,” Jeongguk shrugs. “It’s okay. Here, I’ll dump your bag in the closet. Get changed, I think Yoongi’s still preparing snacks, anyway.”

“Okay. Thanks, Jeonggukie.”

He gushes, smiling and raising his shoulders cutely. “It’s okay, Y/N.”

Jeongguk swiftly takes your bag from your clutches, faking the weight with the droop of his knees just to hear you laugh, and then he turns to shuffle down the hall to quite literally toss it into the shared storage closet. You’re not too worried; on days like today, in which you have one 1 hour seminar to attend at 5pm and nothing else, there’s nothing inside your bag worthy of being broken by Jeongguk throwing it to the ground. As he does this, you shudder out of your shoes and make your way to your bedroom, to change into something warm and comfortable for the movie.

The sound of laughter makes you hurry to change, one leg out of your damp and cold jeans whilst simultaneously fishing for some old jogging bottoms out of your bottom draw, a jumper from Yoongi that he thought he lost left for you to grab on your bed. What he doesn’t know and will find out in five minutes won’t hurt him. (Yoongi also doesn’t care, because he’s a whipped best friend who lets you do what you want, including steal clothes he actually needs and can’t really afford to replace. Oh well, sharing is caring!).

Your hair is still soaked, and you move towards the single bathroom squeezed between two bedrooms to ring it out in the sink. Once you’re done, and your hair is thrown up into a scrunchie-decorated pony, you pace back towards the kitchen where, rightly so, Yoongi stands with his back facing you, filling up a glass with Pepsi.

“I thought we threw that shit out,” you announce as you walk in. “You know this flat is Team Coca Cola, those are the rules.”

Yoongi sighs, not looking up. “Yeah, I know, but Namjoon is a monster.”

“He’s so annoying...why can’t he just admit that Coca Cola is better?” you sigh, moving towards Yoongi to see the small bowls of snacks he has ready to be taken into the living room. It’s full in there, people stuffed onto the sofas and the floor where a bed of blankets lies like a mattress.

Yoongi’s outdone himself; the bowls are neatly organised by colour and ingredient, and you smile. Yoongi was a lot of things, one of them a secret perfectionist. Even when it concerned bowls of snacks. God, you love to love him.

“Namjoon’s a man of unpopular opinions, I mean, he really thinks the live action of Attack on Titan is good, like, who actually thinks that?” Yoongi rants, and then he glances to the side towards you, is silent for a moment, and then asks, “is that my jumper?”

You look down at it with a smile. “Yep. It’s comfy.”

Yoongi hums, like he’s bored. “Whatever, looks better on you than it did on me. Who the fuck lied to me and told me dark green was my colour...?”

“Every colour is your colour,” you say, patting his back and reaching for the bowls. “Should I take these in?”

Yoongi then nods, humming again. “Yeah. Yellow bowl is for you, by the way.”

You look to it. “And why is that?”

“Cause I know you don’t like the barbeque flavour chips that are in the red bowl, but everyone else does, so I went out and got you the salty ones. Oh, and there’s a bar of Galaxy in the fridge. Don’t tell Jeongguk, cause he’ll get pissy about how I didn’t get him something.”

As Yoongi tells you this, your heart flutters. You had told him that when you first met, after he offered you some of his chips noticing you were the only person not eating.

“You remembered that?” you wonder, and Yoongi looks at you like you’ve lost your mind.

“I’m a good friend,” he states, as though it were obvious. “Don’t get it twisted, though. I only did it because I don’t want to hear you complaining about it all night.”

You’re sure that’s a lie, but if it makes him feel better, you’ll accept it. You’ll also ignore the embarrassed tinge of red on his cheeks.

(05) inside jokes

[15:16PM] jeongguk: alright fuckers 🔪😡 [15:16PM] jeongguk: who left the kitchen window open all damn night [15:17PM] jeongguk: there’s three spiders in the sink and it rained so the work surface is all wet [15:17PM] jeongguk: [1 Image Attached] not happy bois [15:23PM] jine: i dont even live with you why are you asking the gc this [15:24PM] jeongguk: yoongi has the flat gc muted and idk how else to yell at him [15:28PM] y/n: blame me,,,,i have failed u,,,,,,,im sowwy [15:29PM] jeongguk: hehe its ok ❣️💘💕💓 i’ll clean it up 🥰 [15:32PM] haseul: eye….. [15:39PM] jimin: YALL LMAOODIUGJFKDSLJ [15:39PM] jimin: guess what TF just happened in my maths class [15:41PM] jimin: i forgot that on one of my assignments me and y/n had drawn a camel in the library on the back and he saw and asked me 2 stay behind after class so he could have stern words with me or smthn…..anyway so i go to the front of the class at the end and he’s like “mr park what the hell is this camel doing here” [15:42PM] jimin: and i said sir thats not a camel [15:42PM] jimin: thats my WIFE [15:43PM] y/n: HA HA HA… [15:45PM] yoongi: IF YALL DONT STOP [15:47PM] taehyung: THIS IS THE THIRD TIME YOU’VE MADE THIS REFERENCE AND I DONT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS [15:47PM] taehyung: this inside joke stinks….someone explain to me please what this means 😭😭😭 [15:48PM] hoseok: i hate this damn gc

(06) long phone calls

[Incoming Facetime Call From: Seokjin 👪]

“Hey.”

“Hey. Y/N, are you sitting down because I have some major tea on Professor Kwon and Professor Kim and I’m not supposed to be saying anything and it’s killing me.”

“Oh shit.” Audio shuffles. “I’m lying down now, bitch. Tell me everything.”

“Okay. So…”

[Five Hours Later]

“I’m still in shock about Kwon and Kim.”

“Me too. What’s Kim gonna do, lie and say she had heat rash on her titties?”

“Hopefully she doesn’t get them out for people to see.”

“Literally. God, I hate how our life has resorted to teacher gossip. Are we those students?”

“Yup. Two students bitching about teachers at...like ...midnight?”

“Oh, shit, it’s midnight already??”

(07) facetiming while ur both doing something else (study dates like that are on another level of intimacy)

Jimin’s had the same cold for about two weeks now, and nobody knows what the hell’s up with it. He walks around his flat, according to Hoseok, wrapped up in a blanket and surrounded by a necklace of matted tissues. To be honest, it’s not as bad as he’s making it out to be, but he’s a guy, and so anything that involves a slight stomach pain and a blocked nose instantly translates to man flu, which is almost as bad as the plague.

That being said, Jimin’s set himself under “house arrest” and is therefore glued to his bed or desk chair, still managing to move his sore and aching joints to write a few words on his lab report. With the first round of finals creeping up, Jimin actually wants to go to the library, but, man, what with his man flu and everything, he just can’t seem to do it.

On the other hand, he has you to set the mood for him. After snagging a corner table in the library near the big windows, you make a barrier out of your bag and books to watch the sunset, Taehyung opposite using minimal space with his laptop and headphones, watching a documentary he’ll need to cite for his essay. Jeongguk naps next to you, having exhausted himself from his shift last night that ran into the early hours and Sana secretly paints her nails, blowing them dry as she takes a break from writing.

Once you’re settled and comfortable, you reluctantly peel away the slice of tape covering your webcam (because Black Mirror has forever scared you into thinking 4Chan are watching you and will hold your endless hours of Games2Girls dot com against you) and open up Facetime, ringing Jimin who waits patiently back home.

After a few rings, Jimin’s bright and tired face pops up on the screen and you both silently wave. Jimin has his mic muted, but yours is on, allowing the ambience of the library trick Jimin into believing he’s actually there. It’s not quite like an ordinary study date, but for now, it’ll do. He opens his textbook and starts to work, comfortable and happy now that he’s listening to his friends discuss work, like he’s there. He smiles, occasionally glancing up to see your face working or Jeongguk unintentionally leaning into frame. It’s comforting. He works well.

(08) cooking something for ur friend

“Merry Christmas, Tae. Oh, wait, I have something for you.”

Taehyung is hosting a Christmas party this year, in the apartment he shares with some of the girls in your group and Namjoon. His flat is lit up with lights, draining the electricity, the tree sparkling like diamonds in the front living room that looks out onto the Seoul city. The sound of Michael Bublé sings out festively and Taehyung leads you through to the kitchen, out of the loud madness of the party that’s getting into full swing. In one hand, you have a big bag of presents that both Jeongguk and Yoongi kindly left for you to haul all by yourself to Taehyung’s flat, and in the other, you balance a box across your arm, the corner sharp on your inner elbow.

“Cool. Your gift is under the tree,” Taehyung says.

“Oh, yeah. No, this is an early gift.”

“Just for me?” he asks.

You set down the box. “Well, you can share if you love us all a lot. But, it’s for you.”

Taehyung wastes no time in opening the box, a smile widening across his face as he reviews the contents. The box is stuffed full with cookies, baked big and crumbly for his tasty pleasures. They’re decorated too, because you love him so much and you know he liked them last year.

“Last year you ate nearly all of my batch, so I just decided to make you some of your own this year,” you tell him casually. It’s really no big deal, but Taehyung feels like he might actually cry because the thought is so sweet. You notice this, the glassiness of your eyes. “Ew, don’t cry.”

“I’m sorry, I’m touched!” he exclaims. Taehyung turns on his spot and wraps an arm around your neck, pulling you in for a hug. With your arms wrapped around his torso, Taehyung smiles with a thrilled sound and kisses the crown of your head. “Thanks, Y/N, you’re the best.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.”

(09) sending texts when u randomly think abt them

[11:15AM] namjoon 👨🏼‍🚀: i stopped by at kyobo’s today and found a cards against humanity add on pack that was harry potter themed and i thought of u lol [11:15AM] namjoon 👨🏼‍🚀: i bought it for u btw 😊

(10) listening without judging

When the front door slams shut, you know that something’s wrong.

Having opted for sitting in the natural light of the living room to finish your lab report, the sound of the door echoes loudly throughout the empty house. It’s only you home, since Yoongi has volleyball practise until six this evening, which means it’s Jeongguk who’s home and apparently, not in a very good mood.

Jeongguk doesn’t realise you’re in the living room until he enters it, stopping suddenly in the doorway when he sees you cross-legged on the carpet near the coffee table. His eyes are red and swollen, his nose shiny from where he’s been crying and sniffling. The sight makes your stomach churn with an indescribable feeling, and you immediately rise to your feet.

“Jeongguk? What’s wrong- did something happen?” you ask him, not stepping forward until you know he’s okay.

Jeongguk’s sensitive, the baby of the friendship group, and sometimes you forget to go easy on him. He sighs loudly and drops his backpack to the floor with a thud. His books curl inside loudly and he drags his feet across the floor to get to the couch. He moves as if he’s going to sit down and then stops, turning to you. His bottom lip curls like he’s about to cry, and then he opens his arms for a hug. You immediately move forward.

“Oh, Jeonggukkie,” you coo, stroking his hair and moving to sit on the sofa. Jeongguk comes down with you and you rest his head on top of your breasts, granting him this once in a lifetime opportunity and he doesn’t even register it. He just cries, loudly and comfortably, his arms around you as he sobs. “Oh, my baby. What happened?”

Jeongguk hiccups. “Do-Doesn’t matter. It’s dumb.”

“No, it’s not. Something hurt your feelings, and your feelings aren’t dumb,” you tell him seriously. Stroking the hair out of his face, you peer down at him. “Come on. Tell me, I won’t judge or tell anybody else. You can trust me.”

He sniffs loudly, but you don’t cringe. He blinks, tears falling and he embarrassingly wipes the tears away, nodding. “Okay.” And then the words come out like vomit.

“I just. You know how I liked Sooyoung, right? Well, we were talking- everyone knows we were, but still, we were talking, and I just really liked her and wanted her to like me. I did all this stuff for her, planned all these dates and got her flowers. I thought she liked flowers, girls like flowers. I know we joke that you’re one of the guys, but even you liked those flowers I got for you. So, I got her this pretty necklace with an S on it and was going to give it to her and so I went to her practise room. She does dance, you knew she does dance, right? Yeah. And so I went to the room and was in the room talking to her when the door opens and this guy comes in and he comes up to her and they kiss and I just. She. She told me she didn’t want to rush into dating and that she liked me, and then she suddenly started dating someone else and I’m just really hurt and confused. Did I do something wrong? Am I ugly? Am I annoying, I just...I don’t know what I did. I really liked her.”

You don’t say anything as he talks. You just listen intently, nodding against his head with a low hum and stroking his hair gently.

“I know it’s silly and stupid that I’m crying over a girl, it’s just…” He sighs. “It hurts.”

You sigh, too. “It’s not silly and stupid. What Sooyoung did was really shitty and it’s natural that it hurt your feelings. You did absolutely nothing wrong, though. The flowers were pretty, and you didn’t force her into anything, and you were so kind and patient. Any girl would be lucky enough to have you as a boyfriend. Sooyoung missed out! You’re so good, Jeongguk, one of the best guys I know. And you’re not ugly! That’s an insult to actual ugly people! If you’re ugly, then what are we?” He laughs shyly and you smile, “Huh? What are we?”

“Okay, sorry,” Jeongguk laughs, pressing his cheek into your torso with a wide smile. His hands loop together behind your back, meek and timid, and he sighs, this time less sadly. “Maybe I’m destined to be alone forever…”

“You’re being dramatic, now,” you sigh. “The right person is waiting for you. Just give it some time.”

Jeongguk thinks about that for a moment. “Wanna date me if I end up alone and single aged thirty?”

Loudly, you let out a laugh. “Yeah right. You know what, fine. Even though I know you won’t be, if we’re both single by thirty, I’ll marry you. How about that?”

Jeongguk hums. “Cool. Is it safe to have kids after thirty?”

You let out a wheeze, taken aback by Jeongguk’s question. “Woah there. I said I’d marry you, not birth your children! Besides, you’re acting like thirty is ancient! Lots of women have kids aged thirty.”

“Okay, sorry, I didn’t know! My Mom was only young.”

“I can’t believe you just asked me to have kids with you when we’re thirty…”

“Might as well make our marriage interesting,” Jeongguk shrugs.

You quite literally have nothing to say to that.

(11) making someone laugh so hard that their whole body shakes

“Ow- stop! I’m going to pee!”

You don’t think you’ve seen Seokjin laugh at a joke that’s not his own in quite some time. Tonight, across the table in the retro diner that’s been converted and opened in town, he has surprised you. The entire booth shakes with laughter, from all sides and directions. Seokjin leans up against the window, clutching his side with Jimin, Mina and Yoongi all stuffed next to him on the skinny one seater. Next to you, on either side, is Hoseok and Taehyung, with Jeongguk and Namjoon at the counter ordering more drinks.

“What?” you ask, laughing. You’re not laughing because it’s funny, but more so because you have no idea what it is you did to make him laugh so hard. “What did I say?”

Seokjin can hardly get his words out, choking halfway on air and having to reach for his drink which shakes in his hand. He sips and gasps for air: “Just-your...face!” Then he cracks up again, like it’s the literal joke of the century. You just don’t get it.

“What did I do?” you ask. “What’s so funny?”

Seokjin can’t breathe.

“Oh my God,” Yoongi comments, smiling with disbelief and covering his mouth as he laughs. Mina’s french fries are stone cold as she laughs and leans into Yoongi’s side for support.

“Fuck. Y/N, you’re so funny, I love you so much,” Seokjin cries. Cries, literally; there are tears pooling out of his eyes, and he wipes them, sighing loudly as he laughs a few more times.

You’re going to take the compliment happily, and move on. To this day, you never found out what was so funny…

(12) hanging out in furniture stores and testing every couch there is

“Take a picture of me so we can pretend this is our house for Instagram.”

You sigh, taking out your phone and snapping a photo of Taehyung, lounging his legs apart across a lime green sofa that looks like it’s been hauled out of a 70’s magazine. One of the best things about Taehyung is that he’s easy to please, eccentric and adventurous just like you. Taehyung could be taken to a junkyard for a first date and somehow he’d still find it fun. He didn’t watch Bottletop Bill and his best friend Corky and leave not taking some inspiration on what to do with scrap junk.

It slowly became a tradition to go to the weirdest places with Taehyung as your date. On weekends or free weekdays you shared, you’d text Taehyung and get him to come with you to somewhere new. On today’s list, IKEA. It’s not totally crazy, or weird or wacky, just something you don’t think you’d do with Yoongi for fun. Taehyung loved the idea.

Taehyung’s making it a mission to sit on every bit of furniture he can find. As he takes a ride up the elevator to the first and main starting point of IKEA, he immediately notices the display couches and stares at you excitedly: “Let’s pretend we’re about to buy our dream house and test all the couches.”

Your eyes light up. “Yes! We can pretend we’re on a TV show reviewing them.”

You don’t think you’ve ever seen Taehyung more excited. “Oh my God, yes!” Then he grabs your hand, tugging you towards a cream themed living display. “Let’s go, wifey! Time to review.”

(You very nearly leave IKEA with a bright red sofa that looks like it’s been handmade and the bottom pillows are patterned with tiny cherries. Sadly, you’re both broke and you don’t have a car to take it home.)

((Taehyung’s devastated.))

(13) deep conversations when it's deep in the night

Sometimes, Yoongi stays awake until the early hours in the living room and kitchen. On days where you can’t sleep, you can hear him pacing around, softly grunting as he walks, something he does without really realising and something you love about him. On occasion, you join him. Like tonight, for example.

Yoongi’s curled up on the kitchen counter when you wake up and leave your room to find him. He sits with his back up against the cupboards, the kitchen window open with a cigarette out the window. Catching your gaze wide-eyed, he moves as if he’s going to put the cigarette out but you stop him.

“I told Jeongguk I’d stop,” Yoongi explains. Inside, he’s just grateful you’re not Jeongguk tonight. The cigarette lets off steam. He doesn’t smoke as often as he used to, just when he needs to. Yoongi looks away from the window as you pick yourself up to sit on the cupboards parallel to him. A bottle of wine is out, and you quietly take off the top and take a large swig.

“You don’t have to explain anything to me,” you tell him honestly. “It’s okay. I won’t tell Jeongguk, too. There’s a new air freshener in the cupboard under the sink. Use that when you’re done.”

Yoongi nods. “Yeah. Thanks, Y/N.”

“Why’d you go back to smoking anyway? Didn’t you tell Jeongguk that you were stopping because you didn’t want to die, or something?” It’s a joke, Yoongi snorts in reply.

“You know how he feels about it. I do too, and I guess I just felt bad about it. It was bad enough for him growing up and at home, and he told me about his brothers asthma attacks because of it and how he almost died, and how his parents smoked religiously and it made them act a certain way.” Yoongi sucks in his breath, like he’s realising what lighting the cigarette means. “It’s not weed. Not what his parents did, but. Still, fuck.” He decides to put it out.

For a while, you don’t say anything to Yoongi. Staring at him is telling enough, and you watch as Yoongi regrets what he’s done so much that he pales, his eyes watering.

“I don’t want to let him down,” Yoongi admits truthfully. “He’s like my little brother. I don’t wanna hurt him, fuck.”

He rocks his head back, sighing into the night. Down below the window, over the small little cliffside that he can see from his window that looks down onto the freeway behind the flat, he watches the lines of traffic whiz by, like long white lights, the honks like ASMR in his ears.

“If you’re going back to bed, can you go in my room and take the rest of my cigs out? Don’t wanna feel tempted by them. Toss them out or something, will you?”

You nod immediately, taking another drink of wine. This gulp stings. “Course. Yeah, I’m gonna go now actually.” You hop down off the counter, handing the bottle and placing it next to Yoongi. “Don’t stay up too late, mkay?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

You shrug in reply, Yoongi frowns. As you walk towards the doorway that separates the kitchen and the hall, you turn around and look back at Yoongi, calling his name. Yoongi looks over and raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“Love you,” you tell him. A smile follows, and Yoongi blinks tiredly.

“I love you too. Goodnight, Y/N.”

He watches as you disappear into the darkness of the hallway and then faces the nighttime again. The smell of cigarettes lingers, and his stomach churns. Yoongi reaches for the air freshener you mentioned and sprays it generously, sniffing and then turning off the lights to the kitchen. Jeongguk will wake up and complain about the window being open, and might even notice the ash on the windowsill, but, like you, he still loves his big brother regardless.

(14) holding hands while jaywalking so that u Both get hit by a car

“Now!”

A squeal leaves your mouth as Jeongguk grabs a hold of your hand and literally pulls you across the road. A car that speeds down the road presses the horn loud enough to turn a few heads and Jeongguk grins boyishly, raising his hand as if to say sorry even though you’re far enough away to not get hit. Jeongguk’s motto for jaywalking is We Hold Hands, Because We Go Together Or We Don’t Go Down At All, or something. You know he stole half of it from an All Time Low song, but it works, and the song slaps.

From across the road, on the side you and Jeongguk are running towards, Hoseok gapes at the both of you and his eyes bulge out of his head.

“You two have a death wish!” he yells.

“But we lived, bitch!” Jeongguk replies, raising a gang sign to which Hoseok pulls a face at.

“I literally cannot stand you,” Hoseok seethes, walking away even though he’s supposed to be going out for dinner with the both of you. You and Jeongguk share a look that ends in a burst of giggles and run after Hoseok, capturing each of his arms with your own. He complains all the way to the restaurant, even though he loves it.

(15) randomly buying a flower for someone

“Delivery.”

Namjoon’s voice lifts your head. He stands behind the reception desk of your flat complex with a small bunch of flowers in his left hand. If he didn’t already know that you were working your two hour shift today, then he’s lucky he caught you. The sight of a bouquet of wildflowers makes your heart soar curiously.

“For someone special?” you wonder. Maybe he’s delivering to someone in the complex. Namjoon’s a sweetie like that.

Namjoon blinks. “Yeah. You.” He holds the bouquet outwards, with a bright smile. “They were for sale outside as I got off my subway. Thought of you, again. Happy early birthday.”

“My birthday’s in, like, seven months,” you say.

“That’s why it’s for your early birthday,” Namjoon replies.

You don’t know what to say. “They’re so pretty, thank you. Hey - can you go up to my flat and put them in a vase? I’ve still got an hour here, they might dry out if they’re kept down here.”

Namjoon nods instantly. “Sure. Gimme your key?” You slide the key across the desk towards Namjoon and he takes it swiftly. “Cool. Glad you like them. Enjoy your shift, Y/N.”

“Unlikely,” you groan. “Thanks, Joonie!”

He smiles as he reaches the door, sticking his tongue out to you as he prepares to climb the stairs. That elevator needs fixing urgently, and all you can think about is how much you love your friends.

(16) letting ur friends taste ur food and also tasting theirs to the point where u basically ate a fair amount off of each plate on the table

“What do you mean you’ve never tried a steak before?” Yoongi sighs so loudly that it turns a few heads. “Okay. Take a bite, it’s called charity and I’m generous. Come on.”

Yoongi even cuts you a slice and leans over the table to let you taste it. Beside you, Namjoon cringes when you close your teeth around the fork and pull the steak off, taking several bites and widening your eyes with wonder a Yoongi. You have just unlocked a taste sensation!

“Like it?” Yoongi asks.

“Mhm! It’s so easy to eat,” you observe. You look at Namjoon, “try his.”

Yoongi sighs. He willingly shares his food out. You glance down at your own meal, a pretty pasta dish that Jeongguk looks at from next to Yoongi.

“What is that? It looks good,” Jeongguk asks.

“Spaghetti Al Pomodoro,” you quote from the menu. Jeongguk laughs, because who goes to a restaurant and orders spaghetti? “Stop, I don’t know the menu, I played it safe!”

“Lemme try,” Jeongguk invites himself to try the taste, twirling his fork around the pasta and sucking it up like a scene in Lady and the Tramp. This sets off a sequence around the table, something you can’t help but snigger at. Namjoon lets you try some of his curry and Yoongi tries Jeongguk’s burger. By the time everybody on the table has tried everybody elses meals, you finally look back at your plate and notice that literally half of the meal’s now gone. Yoongi has about one bite of steak left, and Jeongguk could easily finish his burger in one bite.

“I hope everyone enjoyed my meal,” Yoongi says sarcastically, and he angrily chews his last piece of steak.

Namjoon looks up with a bright smile. “Yeah I did. Thanks!”

(17) "give me that I'll carry it for u"

Sometimes, Hoseok stops by at the reception to help out, especially during finals or midterms when you could really use those two years of monitoring an empty email inbox to study. Today, one of the newer residents, Somi, is on the desk and is playing Club Penguin on the computer, and you’re shoved into the back storage room with Hoseok, filing everybody’s mail and parcels.

It’s so messy in here, and looks like it hasn’t had a good clean out since it was first built, which might sound ridiculous, but have you seen all of this dust?

“Can you guys take out the trash?” One of the other workers, Siwon, pokes his head into the back room.

“You only just asked us to do this, though,” Hoseok points out with his hands on his hips.

Siwon shrugs, “Okay. And? Get to work.”

He turns and leaves as Hoseok gives him the middle finger, groaning as he arches his back to relieve pain that’s developed from being hunched over for too long. The trash bags are enormous and bulky with weight, shoved into a single room that absolutely honks. Hoseok grimaces as he opens the door and drags some bags out, deliberately ignoring a suspicious juice leaving a trail behind one of the ones he’s just brought into the back room.

“That literally stinks,” you complain.

“Yep.”

While Hoseok continues to haul bags out of the trash room, you take it upon yourself to drag the bags out to the back, towards the giant tip that’s collected by the bin-men the following day. After two or three trips, Hoseok steps out of the room and notices you struggling to pick a big bag up off the floor over your shoulder, like Santa’s sack.

“Give me that, I’ll carry it for you,” Hoseok offers, already stepping forward.

“No!” you protest stubbornly. “I’ve got this.”

“You’re so full of bullshit,” Hoseok howls. He ignores you and snatches the bag out of your hands. You’ll never admit it, but it feels good to not have the twisty material burning your fingers. “Sit down. You’ve worked hard.”

“Don’t patronise me,” you scold.

He giggles, “sorry. You’re too cute. Keep filling in those forms, kill two birds with one stone?”

You wait until Hoseok’s out of the room to cradle your fingers. Fucking hell, that hurts.

(18) helping ur friend decide what to wear while also reminding them that they look amazing no matter what

“You’re not going to the Met Gala, Jimin. Just wear jeans, my dude.”

“No. No, no, ignore him.” You throw a glare in Jeongguk’s direction and shift on your stomach, watching Jimin frantically search through his wardrobe. “This is important. This is serious. He’s going to see a potential employer, Jeongguk.”

“Yeah,” Jimin taunts, “so go be jobless and broke somewhere else.”

Jeongguk snorts, “I have a job, though…”

“Okay, get out of my room. Y/N, help me.”

“You looked good in the last four outfits,” you say to him honestly. “What’s wrong with this one, hm?”

You stand up, moving to one of the outfits laid out on the floor. It’s a pretty combination of clothes; a patterned white shirt that’s both formal and casual, with black trousers and brown shoes.

“I don’t like the shoes,” Jimin mumbles, continuing to search.

“Okay...Why don’t we just…” You crouch, moving a pair of black shoes from outfit number three to outfit number two. Now the shoes are black, and the outfit looks great. “Do that? What do you think?”

Jimin looks down at it, biting his bottom lip. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, totally,” you nod with enthusiasm. “It shows your personality whilst also remaining professional. And you looked super handsome in it.” Jimin faces you with a shy smile, “Trust me. It’s the one.”

It takes some reluctance and convincing, but Jimin eventually settles on outfit number two. All it took was some convincing and abuse of his praise kink.

(And he got the job.)

(19) being involved in every bad hair decision (dyeing ur friend's hair grey in between playing with their switch)

Three games into Mario Kart, you realise that you urgently need to email Nintendo and play I’m-Karen-Let-Me-See-The-Manager. Nintendo Switches are so dangerously addictive that Seokjin has you watching him play as grey hair dye bleaches his scalp. You can’t help but watch as he wins race after race, a streak of ten to beat tonight with King Boo as his racer every damn time.

“Fuck, your hair!” You must have said that so many times that Seokjin’s bound to get sick of it. He glances up at his reflection and eyes the sight on his head.

“Looks fine,” he shrugs.

“Let me remind you that it looks fine because the colour’s okay at the front. It looks kinda...patchy at the back.” You reach for the dye, “We’re low. Seokjin, we’re in trouble.”

He shrugs again. “Whatever. We can make a new trend.”

“Hell no. If it looks shit, I’m paying for you to get it done professionally ...which, you should have just done in the first place. I'm not a hairdresser!”

“And thank fuck for that!” Jimin steps into the living room and laughs nervously. “That looks hideous!”

This time, Seokjin’s eyes raise icily.

“It’s not that bad…” you mutter. “It’s okay. I’ll fix it.”

“The only way to save your hair is to just sacrifice it all,” Jimin sighs. “You know what, I’ve got a razor in my cupboard, let’s bring forward bald Seokjin.”

“I’ll take the patchy scalp,” Seokjin threatens.

“It’s really not that bad,” you pout quietly, attempting to fix the mess at the back of his head.

Okay - you’re lying. It’s awful. It’s a total disaster. But when Seokjin gets a good look at it, and he does take a good long look, he just shrugs and puts down the mirror.

“It’s a trend,” he decides. Mario Kart resumes and you’re rendered absolutely speechless.

(20) paying attention

When forced into a group of friends outside of your own, you always had a tendency to stand out in the worst ways possible. It’s not as if you stood out for being different, or funny or pretty. No; outside of your close circle of friends, you were the obvious outsider. You stuck out like an imposter, like a red flower amongst white ones.

This get together hosted by one of Jeongguk’s other friends, Joshua, takes place in his crazy expensive lake house in the countryside, owned by his parents and left to him when he turned eighteen. It’s remarkable that you got invited, to be honest. But, when Jeongguk’s your best friend, you get vouched for, granted permission to stay for the weekend in the one of many rooms, with the exception of sharing a room with two other guys. Jeongguk doesn’t mind sharing a bed for the weekend with Jimin, as long as you’re comfortable in your own.

And you’re not blind - it’s not hard to figure out why a big group of girls who had managed invitations were clinging to your circle of friends. You had lucked out in a way that ensured your entire group were visuals, everybody stunning in their own unique way. Joshua and his friends are here too, obviously, but their eyes are only on a certain segment of the group. From this angle, one of the girls who made her way over to the sofas sits with her back in your general direction, and it sort of feels like primary school all over again where you were the odd one out.

You try not to let it bother you, though. As the guys play polite and laugh when needed and talk casually, something slips up in conversation: “Well, actually-” One of the girls is talking, blinking repetitively in Namjoon’s direction with a sweet smile, “I think I have more guy friends than girls. Girls are so hard to talk to sometimes.”

“Right?” one of the others says with a sigh. “I wish I had more male friends. I want to move in with some in the future.”

You inhale. This is a good conversation to jump into. “Same,” you say. The girl in front of you turns around slightly, perhaps only just remembering that you were there in the first place. “I’ve been friends with these guys forever now, and living with them is so…” You notice after a short ramble that the girls turned back around, and she’s not even listening. You trail off, looking bored, “who am I even talking to?”

But from across the coffee table on the other couch, Yoongi furrows his brows and sets his glass down. “Y/N’s right,” he announces, and you look up at the same time as the other girls. Like they’re confused, they look at the group and then back at you, as if wondering the connection. “You know, guys are always told being friends with girls is impossible, but Y/N’s the glue that keeps us together.”

Jeongguk nods, “Mhm, exactly! You know, they said that it would be hard being friends with girls because you’d catch feelings, but Y/N’s so repulsive that it’s not even that hard...”

You glare at him, “Ha-ha. Very funny.”

“Trust me,” Chaeyoung pops up, having been sat silently in between Taehyung and Mark for the past twenty six minutes, “it’s not all that.” The girls look at her, “Men are disgusting. I don’t know how Y/N does it. These guys are the repulsive ones...I was in their flat for five minutes and I think I caught three diseases.”

“Hey, don’t drag my apartment into this,” you pout. Yoongi shakes his head with a smile and watches you, happy that the frown that was once on your features had disappeared into a smile. Hey, in a weird way, this was a good conversation to jump into!

The girls around you share glances, as though they’ve just clocked on to how important you are to these guys and how ignoring you won’t make them like them more, and eventually, you’re included in the conversation. You make a mental reminder to thank the fuck out of Yoongi for paying attention to you, even when you’re silently in the background.

(21) being aware and understanding of someone's financial situation ("dw I'll pay for u")

“We all need matching ones. Look, one each!”

Jeongguk excitedly crouches in front of one of the display cases, marvelling at the sight of tiny little charms on foam boxes, smiling up at you all. It makes you weak seeing how childlike Jeongguk actually is, how he gets excited over shiny things like a little magpie. Today is one of those rare afternoons where you’re all miraculously free, and it had been Namjoon’s idea to go out somewhere and hang out. Seoul is filled with beautiful and secret places to explore like a tourist and he takes up the opportunity.

This shop is dinky and in a weird place between an ice-cream shop and a fish market, probably scammy and has definitely seen better days. But Namjoon likes it, and Yoongi vouches for it because he’s been here before with Namjoon when they brought a watch for Jimin. Okay, yes, it was a designer watch, but it was way cheaper from this shop and, wait, who cares if it’s fake? Nobody noticed until now.

You stand behind Jeongguk, peering down at the charms. They’re all so cute and cartoon-like, each charm you view immediately reminding you of another friend. For Jeongguk, the rabbit. Taehyung could have the paintbrush or camera, Jimin definitely could have the apple because of the fact that his new favourite thing to say is An Apple A Day Keeps The Demons Away. It makes no sense, but he learns to roll with it.

“They’re cute,” Hoseok comments, smiling widely.

“They should be cute, for thirty dollars a charm!” you gape, pointing out the price. “I thought this was a shop that sold things cheaper?!”

“They’re usually around sixty,” Namjoon shrugs.

“For why?” you exclaim.

Nobody hears that, or if they do, they ignore it. With a sigh, you turn away from the case and start looking at something else. Thirty dollars for a small charm is insane, and you don’t have that kind of money. As Taehyung and Jeongguk start picking charms for everybody, your heart rate quickens.

How can you tell them that you don’t want a charm because you can’t afford a charm without disappointing them and sounding like you’re asking one of them to buy you one? In your panic, Seokjin worms his way up behind you and rests his arm up on your head like an arm-rest.

“Have you picked a charm?” he asks, and you look away instantly. “Hey,” he says, noticing that, “what’s up, buttercup?”

You sigh reluctantly. “I can’t afford to get one of those…”

Seokjin blinks and frowns slightly. “Oh. Well, that’s okay. I’ll pay for you.”

“No way!” you hiss at him, poking a finger into his chest. “Kim Seokjin, don’t you dare-!”

“Hey, I owe you, it’s cool,” Seokjin assures you.

“Owing me because I paid for your McDonalds is not the same as spending thirty dollars on a tiny charm.”

“They’re friendship charms,” he explains. “It’s symbolic for our friendship. Look, stay silent and pretty and let me get you something nice. Please?”

In this one instance, Seokjin doesn’t take no for an answer and invites himself into the small huddle of guys around the charms and picks one out for you. Seokjin picks you a love heart, because he knows that no matter what, there’s a love between the guys and you that nothing can pull apart.

(22) looking stupid in public together (dancing in stores to overplayed pop songs)

You hear it at the same time as Jeongguk.

One thing you don’t mind that much about Korea is that the sound of random K-POP groups follows you around everywhere you go. You actually kind of like it, because the songs are catchy enough and Jimin and Hoseok like it for the dances. But, my God, if you have to hear Momoland’s Bboom Bboom one more time, you might explode.

Over the hum of the refrigerators in the small GS25, where you and Jeongguk are examining the surprisingly large collection of flavoured milks, you hear those guitar strums and just as the horns roll in, you and Jeongguk share a glance and immediately do The Thing.

The Thing is recreating the entire dance routine to the song, which you had both decided to learn when you were bored and procrastinating during midterms. Everybody else in your friendship group deems it the single most embarrassing thing that you and Jeongguk do in public next to jaywalking, and maybe you can see why. The chorus rolls by and you’re both shimmying, pointing finger hearts to each other, and it’s rolling to an end when one of the cashiers turns the corner with a big tray of iced coffee in her arms.

She pauses and so do the both of you, in an intense stare off until she cowers and scurries to put down the tray and carefully shelf the drinks. Jeongguk looks at you with the urge to laugh and picks a random milk off the shelf, urging you out of the aisle to pay. When you’re outside and free from the judgement of the cashier, Jeongguk laughs on the floor for about five straight minutes.

(23) looking stupid in public together (singing loudly in ur car)

“JUST GO AHEAD AND HATE ON ME AND RUN YOUR MOUTH!”

“So everyone can hear!”

“HIT ME WITH THE WORST YOU GOT AND KNOCK ME DOWN!”

“Oh, baby, I don’t care.”

“KEEP IT UP AND SOON ENOUGH, YOU’LL FIGURE OUT!”

Both of your voices: “You wanna be, you wanna be, A LOSER LIKE ME!”

In the backseat, Yoongi shrinks further down until his bum is hanging off the chair, in the footwell where his knees are. “Please kill me.”

(24) hugging people when u say hi and goodbye to them

Hoseok is one of the best friends you could ever ask for. One, he’s friendly. Two, he’s funny. Three, he’s cute. Four, he hugs you when you arrive somewhere and again when you leave, and you absolutely love it.

“Y/N, hi!” His voice is the first to call out to you when you walk into the Open Day fair at your Uni. You look awful, overslept and still half asleep, but he comes towards you with a smile and engulfs you in a hug. “You look cute. Sleep well?”

That’s not to say the other guys don’t hug you, because they definitely do. But, Hoseok’s always the first.

(25) being there for someone even if u can't help them

“Go ahead. Laugh at me like everybody else.”

Jimin and Jeongguk are the ones who are unfortunately tasked with dealing with a tragically grieving Y/N. It’s unfortunate to you, but they don’t mind one bit. The last thing they expected to see when they came back to Jeongguk’s apartment to watch more episodes of Mindhunter on Jeongguk’s TV, was you curled up on the window seat with red eyes and a runny nose.

“Why would we laugh at you, baby?” Jeongguk asks, rubbing your back. He’s sat next to you and Jimin is by your feet, rubbing them and your legs with his soft hands.

You sniff uglily, but none of them say anything. “Cause. Cause it’s just a fish, I guess.”

“It was still your pet,” Jimin points out sadly. “Susan was a great fish.”

You sniff again, crying some more. “I just feel like a bad owner. Maybe the bowl wasn’t big enough, and maybe I didn’t feed her enough...I don’t want her to have died because of me.”

“Hey, now,” Jeongguk assures softly, “I’m sure she died peacefully. You were the best fish Mom ever. Susan’s in a better place now.” He glances over at Jimin nervously, “Like, fish heaven?”

For a moment you don’t say anything, and Jeongguk thinks maybe that was too much. But then you turn to him with a hopeful expression. “You really think so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jeongguk replies.

“Susan’s still with you in your heart,” Jimin adds. He’s not too great at the comforting thing. “You were so good to her. If I was a fish, I’d want you to be my Mom.”

Jeongguk looks at Jimin with a deadpan face. Maybe that was too much, but you smiled, and that’s something to Jimin. Even if he doesn’t know what to do to help, the least he can do is be there for you.

(26) "this reminded me of u"

[03:15AM] namjoon: hehe [03:15AM] namjoon: this reminded me of u ^__^ [03:16AM] namjoon: [1 Image Attached]

[03:20AM] y/n: there r no words….

(27) allowing people to be human, with everything that this entails

University truly has been the best years of your life. There’ve been rough spots financially and mentally, but your key support system has been the circle of friends you’re proud to love and live with. Even when they’re a little bit chaotic, sometimes really annoying and loud and tiring, you still love them, and every quality that comes along with loving them.

376 notes · View notes

korejinnie · 5 years ago

Text

(THEORY) The ACTUAL Story Timeline Sequence of the BTS Universe and The Two Realms it's Separated Into.

SO, I've been theorizing for a while about the order of the MVs, and I've always felt like the order of the MVs are just... so out of order that it didn't make sense to me. Then, after I did some deeper research on Jungian theology, and also reading the book "Demian", and then also going back to watch all the BTS MVs, shortfilms, and highlight reels again, I noticed that there was a pattern:

The BTS Universe was split into two major realms:

The "Dream Realms" and the "Reality Realms".

My theory is that the MVs in these two realms happen simultaenously and often cross over each other throughout the BU storyline.

Let me explain.

Dream Realms includes MVs that depict surrealistic settings/situations (such as BS&T and Boy with Luv).

Reality Realms includes MVs that depict the reality situations happening to the boys in real life, mostly based off of "The Notes" (such as RUN and I NEED U):

Now, you may think the BU storyline begins at prologue,

but, it actually begins... with Singularity and DNA.

Why?

Well, Taehyung's solo, Singularity, may be about creating a persona to cover up one's pain, but it could also be referring to "Singularity" on a scientific spectrum: "Initial Singularity".

Initial Singularity is where everything started. Before the Big Bang and the universe exploded, there was only singularity.

And guess where the DNA mv setting is? A Galaxy/Universe

And GUESS WHAT HAPPENS IN DNA?

Exactly. An explosion.

The beginning of the Universe. The beginning of the BU storyline, begins with Singularity ending, leading to the creation of the universe with DNA.

In DNA, Hoseok and Namjoon sings,

"The evidence of destiny given to me, You're the source of my dream".

Like I said before, BU is separated into Dream and Reality realms.

DNA is the "source of my dream"

but who's?

Jungkook's dream.

This is where it all BEGIN. (WINGS shortfilm #1: BEGIN).

Now most of you may already know that WINGS is based off of the book "Demian" (if you haven't read Demian yet, you can read the summary here: https://sparknotes.com/lit/demian/sum ).

Demian presents the reflections of an older man on his childhood.

HYYH is about the journey of the boys growing up and losing their innocence, about how they learn to leave their childhood behind, which is very similar to that of what is depicted in the book "Demian".

So, just keep in mind that each shortfilm from WINGS depicts a different stage in the boys' growth from their childhood to adulthood.

Anyways, now we move on to "School days", AKA Lie + No More Dream + N.O.

During this time, the boys are probably in elementary school. This is when they begin to hide their true feelings and begin to create their own personas in order to perhaps meet their parents or society's standards of who they're supposed to be. In real life, they may seem fine, but in their mind/dreams, that's where their true thoughts and feelings come to life. As shown through N.O., No More Dream, and Lie, you see how the boys really feel about their life and school. They dislike the education system and the way they're being forced to learn through regurgitating information.

They are conflicted about their identity and their future, being told by their parents that they need to study and work hard for a future that they might not really actually want for themselves, and aren't even completely sure of yet. There's so many different possibilities that the boys dream of, such as perhaps becoming a race car driver or a detective. But again, they have no REAL dream or concept of their future. They don't know.

In LIE, Jimin also lies about his traumatic childhood and the murder he witnessed at the arboretum of one of his classmates, Choi, when he was very young. In traditional asian society, especially for boys, emotions and feelings aren't really talked about openly.

Also with the fact that Jimin's parents were never around to support him that much, since he was always pretty much staying in the hospital due to his mysterious illness that causes him to have seizures, he felt that to seem normal, he would have to hide his feelings from others.

Now uh.... this is where we get to the teenage years, where the boys are in high school

and uh... this is where they, let's be honest, start to get horny :))))))))), as seen through their superficial love for girls in Boy in Luv, Danger, and War of "Hormone".

Boy in Luv portrays the boys reality, as depicted in The Notes, the boys would hang out in a old empty classroom and spend time together there, and this is seen in the Boy in Luv MV.

You can also tell if it's the dream or reality realm based off of their outfits. In the case of Boy in Luv MV, the boys are all wearing pretty much the same student uniforms and sneakers. Typical of that of a normal highschool student in real life.

Danger and War of Hormone though... THAT's what the boys are really thinking about in their minds and dreams.

As shown through their dramatic expressions when they see a cute girl walk by and the odd black and white with the excpetion to the red and green colors in the MV, and the boys dancing in a metro station? singing about why the girl they like won't answer their text and talking and why the girl is ignoring them:

Anyways, as the boys grow up,

this is where we get to the discord era, where everything begins to fall apart, but also where the boys begin to discover who they really are.

In the original prologue, Jin took a picture with some of the other boys with his polaroid. But then, at the end of the prologue when jin took out the same polaroid picture from the previous night before, he realized that his friends wasn't in the picture.

Of course afterwards bighit deleted this scene & we never actually know why bighit deleted it.

But this leads me to question.... if Prologue was actually a a dream? perhaps Jin's dream?

If so, then Taehyung never actually jumped into the sea, and um this might actually be true.

In prologue, we see Taehyung climb up a tall platform and jump down, supposedly starting the butterfly effect and starting off the entire HYYH story.

BUT guess what?

At the very beginning of Euphoria MV, we see the exact same scene of taehyung jumping down from the platform into the sea.

And at the very end, who do we see on the platform instead?

Jin, holding a camera and pointing it down to the boys:

But then HERE'S THE THING.

Jin's camera falls down off of the platform and then it the next scene directly cuts to Taehyung falling into the water???

And the right after Jin is shown again, standing on top of the platform:

If you've watched all the MVs, you'll notice that the two characters who always stands out the most are always Jin and Taehyung. Jin films/records everything with his polaroid or camcorder, and Taehyung always seems to be the outcast of the group.

But the one thing that makes me believe that Jin is the only character to exist throughout the entire storyline, is because of "Demian", Jungian theology, and also the fact that Jin is usually ALWAYS watching everyone from a outsider's perspective.

And GUESS WHAT?

At the end of the book "Demian" (which was the book WINGS was based off of, as I mentioned earlier), the main character Sinclair realizes his two friends: Eva and Demian, are actually not real people.

He realizes that Eva and Demian are actually WITHIN him.

Eva and Demian, are actually Sinclair's Anima and Animus (which I'll talk about later when we get to the highlight reels).

So anyways, to break the confusion you might have right now. What I'm saying is that Euphoria and Prologue are happening simultaneously at the same time. Jin & Taehyung might be jumping into the water at the same time (cuz they might be the same person teehee).

And now, we get to I NEED U and Stigma.

I NEED U is the reality realm and Stigma is the dream realm, as I NEED U, despite portraying each of the boys' struggles, I NEED U is really mainly about Taehyung & his struggle after murdering his father by accident to protect his sister from their abusive drunkard father.

Because in I NEED U taehyung killed his father, in Stigma he gets caught by the police and gets sent to jail for the murder of his father:

Now we get to what I was talking about earlier: the boys meeting their animas in the higlight reels.

Each of the girls the boys spend time together in the highlight reels is their anima. In Jungian theology, a person possess both anima and animus within themselves, however the boys are only being introduced to the feminine side of their personality and psyche right now, so they haven't learned that the ultimate goal of individuation (which is pretty much the end of the BU storyline), is to learn to balance their anima and animus.

Anyways, we move on to Fire and Fake Love. So, if you've read my theory about “Dionysus' Magic Shop Deal with Abraxas”, you'll know that Dionysus might actually be the owner of the Magic Shop in Fake Love.

Since Dionysus is the god of ectsasy and wine, guess what?

The "temporary happiness" that the boys traded for with their anima objects in Fake Love, is actually sweet poison (aka drugs/alcohol).

Wonder why Japanese BS&T looks so weird? Like the boys are tripping or something? Yup! It's drugs and alcohol that's making the boys go wheewhoo psycho. It's also why Jungkook threw up in Japanese BS&T lol:

I mean what did you think they were doing having a party in RUN? With the red SOLO cups? Those SOLO cups are usually used to pour alcohol in for parties.

In RUN furniture was all over the place, there were writings all over the wall, and it was chaotic.

RUN is the reality realm, while BS&T is the dream realm. BS&T portrays what's going through the boys minds while they're partying and getting drunk on "sweet poison that's sweeter than sweet":

That's why in Japanese BS&T in the very beginning we see HYYH Taehyung looking all sleepy as if he had just woken up from a hangover.

And remember when I told you that there are cross overs between the reality realms and the dream realms? yeah, here it is:

Anyways, so then this is where we move on to the REFLECTION stage.

This is when the boys start to realize that doing drugs and drinking away their pain might not actually help them get out of this cycle of despair and misery, so they begin to reflect upon their ego and shadow.

They start thinking to themselves "hmmm something needs to change" (which is also the first step to realizing they need to love themselves!), and this is where we'll eventually reach Epiphany, when Jin finally learns that he's the one he should love in this world.

THIS BOI IS LITERALLY LOOKING INTO THE MIRROR! HIS REFLECTION! LIKE DO YOU SEE THE CONNECTION HERE?!

Alright anyways once Jin finishes singing with his amazing vocals (king seokjin vocals yes). This leads us to the Real Love stage aka turning from lust and love on the outside (which we saw in boy in luv) into love on the inside.

At this stage, Just One Day is the reality realm and Boy With Luv + Lights is the dream realm.

Just One Day has very similar lyrics to boy with luv, talking about how gently and nice they want to treat the girls they like:

We also know that Just One Day is the reality realm because the boys are wearing school uniforms just like they did in Boy in Luv And guess what? Boy with Luv is a reference to Boy in Luv.

Alright so anyways, so Boy with Luv is what goes on inside of the boys' heads during Just One Day, singing about the girls they like in a gentle and soft way. Now, we can't talk about Boy with Luv without taking about Lights MV though, because Lights is a sequel to Boy with Luv.

Lights is essentially what happens after the boys enter the Persona theater. You can think of the theater as a person's persona, while the inside of the theater is how a person actually feels. Also through the lyrics, it's quite obvious the connections between BWL and Lights.

Alright! Now we move on to the Harmony era aka the stage where the boys' Anima and Animus finally come together at peace with one another, and the boys finally learn to balance both their anima and animus. This can be seen through MAMA and Serendipity.

Remember when I told you that WINGS is based off of the book "Demian"? And how at the very end the main character realizes that his two friends, Eva and Demian, were actually his Anima and Animus?

When Hoseok saw the painting (from Lie, since Jimin and hoseok are close friends because they always spent time together at the same hospital) turn into the mother hugging child picture, he came to realize that he didn't need to depend on anyone else to feel loved and normal.

He's spent most his entire life missing his mother and letting the pain of his mother abandoning him when he was younger suffocate and manipulate him into believing he is ill. When he finally learned to balance his anima and animus, he felt complete.

MAMA = My Anima My Animus

This is why MAMA is the only song in the entire WINGS album in all caps. It's a acronym for My Anima My Animus.

The "Her" in Love Yourself: Her Album.

It's not a girl.

It's anima.

The idea of finding oneselve's anima and balancing your anima and animus can also be seen through Jimin's solo Serendipity.

In serendipity, Jimin sings about his anima (since he's a boy and represents animus). This boy LITERALLY sings

"You are me, I am you". "Cuz you love me, and I love you."

Jimin has finally learned to love himself.

This is also why, in Love Yourself Highlight Reel '承', you see each boy and their girls having a good time together, interacting with each other and everything seems to be peaceful and happy. Heck, even Jungkook is playing the piano with yoongi again!

In chinese the word "承" means "to understand", so at this stage, the boys have finally understood the true meaning of self love.

But of course, even when you do understand the true meaning of self love, that doesn't mean you have necessarily ACHIEVED self love. There will still be more challenges and hardships to face and overcome. This can be seen in Love Yourself Highlight Reel '轉', when things start to go wrong. Each boy ends up leaving the girl they liked. The anima and animus starts to become unbalanced again.

But, this doesn't go on forever, because one day, you WILL learn to finally truly love yourself. The idea of the process of individuation is when you finally complete the map of the soul and become one with your soul, you'll become your own god and finally break out of they cycle of reincarnation.

We know Jin has reached the final stage of self love and process of individuation, because in AWAKE, we see him dropping the apple (aka the sweet poisonous apple from snow white). He let's go of the materialistic things that he used to hold on to to help him feel less painful.

Also from the wallpaper in AWAKE, we see the pattern of Abraxas: The ALL POWERFUL GOD who is beyond heaven and hell. He is beyond time and space:

The bird painting Jin was staring at, that was Abraxas' messenger:

Anyways, this is when we reach the last step before Jin goes "bye bye" forever and becomes a god and leaves the cycle of reincarnation: Young Forever.

Ever noticed why Jin is so far behind from all the other boys in Young Forever?

Exactly. He's the only real character throughout the entire storyline. Young forever is Jin looking back at all of his memories from his life and letting go of the past that had been troubling him for so long.

I mean seriously! It says "2015.04.29 ~ FOREVER" at the beginning of Young Forever.

You can see this as Jin or BTS' way of saying, even after I'm gone, we'll always be in your memories and heart forever. Sort of a reference to when BTS disbands.

Epilogue is defined as "A section or speech at the end of a book or play that serves as a comment on or a conclusion to what has happened."

And you see this comparison in similarity from AWAKE as well. Where the photos of an important item that symbolizes each stage of Jin's life is laid out across the floor and in Young Forever how strips of picture films are shown across the screen of Jin and his "friends":

"We cried a lot and laughed a lot but it was so beautiful".

The most beautiful moments of life (HYYH)... is life itself.

This is BTS' way of saying...

"We had a lot of fun memories together and it was all so beautiful, but it's time to leave. We love you forever, goodbye.”

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darkpoisonouslove · 5 years ago

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For the send title Griffin Heat of the moment Long live the queen Three of my fav one shots! Took some thinking to narrow it down!

I am so sorry this took so long, but life got in the way. I had a terrible night on Saturday and really wasn’t in the state of mind to write this yesterday. Also, tumblr ate my response the other day and I’m still mad about it. So it’s been a fun couple of days. Here’s to hoping this answer will cheer us both up!

“Griffin”:

1. I wrote this when I was on vacation but it took me a while to edit it before I could post it. It was a spontaneous idea that I was so excited to start writing that I stayed up late for it (pretty sure I went to bed at, like, 3:30am because of this).

2. As I’ve mentioned before, it was inspired by “I Fell in Love with the Devil” by Avril Lavigne (damn, I love the song and the video) and my own thought process while I was listening to it. My brain just went “Hey, how cool do you think it will be if Griffin tried to summon the devil aka Valtor and then fell in love with him but it had a tragic ending bc it’s them obvs?” And I went “Yeah, I think that would be pretty cool.” So I just went with it but since I wanted it to keep the winx-verse feeling even despite it being an AU, I decided that Valtor would be known as the all-powerful Dark Dragon which is sort of an equivalent to the devil but not quite. He has all the knowledge on magic and is prone to wrecking havoc everywhere he goes, but minus the ruling hell thing. He’s not ruling anything, he was trapped. Because we needed a summoning ritual in this. Who doesn’t love summoning rituals?

3. Speaking of which, I don’t know how I made those up, but I’m really glad I did. The obsidian idea just came to me but when I did some research, what do you know? It was perfect. And I also managed to tie it in with the Obsidian dimension. I love doing AUs because it gives me so many opportunities to play around with canon details and put them in a new perspective and mold them until they fit this new universe I’ve come up with. It’s my favorite part of writing AUs. The hair thing I know from my mom, a book I read (”A Discovery of Witches”, I think) and internet confirmed. And the tears I just thought would add to the aesthetic and provide some insight into Griffin’s head.

4. I chose the title “Griffin” because this fic mainly deals with the essence of Griffin, with what makes her who she is. Also, I did some research on griffins and they are supposed to be protectors so that also fit in super nicely. I am very proud with the version of Griffin I’ve built in this fic. There is so much anger and desperation in her but that in no way changes the fact that she is actually a good person. Which is why this: “She was strong enough to be a protector. Even with her pain. Even with her rage. Even with her darkness.” is my favorite quote from the fic. I was in a dark place at the time I wrote this and it was important for me to remember that.

5. I also love how Valtor turned out in this fic. He’s mysterious and clearly dangerous but also alluring enough for Griffin to ignore the warning signs. And while it’s clear that he was using her, it isn’t clear what he feels about her. He does feel about her. Maybe not love but he certainly feels a lot about her. She was the only one who managed to summon him (aka rescue him) from Omega so he is intrigued by her powers as well as by the interaction of light and dark within her soul. That is the reason why I have considered writing a companion piece to this fic that is from Valtor’s point of view (there certainly is enough unexplored material on that timeline (I only gave the beginning and ending (is it?) of that relationship)), but I’ve discarded the idea as many times as I have entertained it (until now?). I really have other more pressing things that need taking care of rn but I might reconsider it again when I have more time (will a moment like that ever come?) since I had some new thoughts about it now.

“Heat of the Moment”:

1. This was actually the third Winx Club fanfic I wrote but I posted it as the second one since chapter one of “Warmth of Rage, Cold of Love” wasn’t edited yet at the time.

2. It was actually written at the same day as “Fire and Ice” but it took me a lot of time to get it up on FFN because I didn’t want to post it at first. It was veering on smut so I wasn’t sure how people would react to it. Which is why it makes me so happy to hear that you love that story so much, considering all the doubts I had around it (it was also the first time I was writing about them in the past and we didn’t see anything of their interactions back then on the show so it was pretty much a shot in the dark there).

3. Do you know that amazing moment when you want to write something steamy but you’re not comfortable with smut in this particular situation for whatever reason? This fic is the embodiment of that. Which is why it ended up as dry humping. That’s always my go-to thing in a situation like that. Not actual sex, but you get all the intimacy of sex in it. It’s a win-win (and also hot).

4. I probably would’ve gotten discouraged and would’ve quit writing for the Winx fandom after I posted that one because it didn’t get any attention in weeks. The thing that actually kept me going and not just motivated, but excited me to keep writing for Winx was @her-majesty-wears-jeans‘ review.

5. The whole fic is constructed the way it is because I’m convinced that Valtor loved messing with Griffin in every way possible and that it always set off a competition of wills between the two of them.

“Long Live the Queen”:

1. I was bursting with creative energy and just didn’t know what to work on (not for a lack of ideas but because none of those I already had sparked my interest (I think I had idea-fatigue for all of the wips I already had). So I just picked song lyrics and wrote a fic. How do I do this? It certainly is a mystery to me.

2. So it was all total chance there. I was listening to music on YouTube and when the song ended, the suggestions showed up. One of them was a lyric video for Halsey’s “Young God” (which is totally their story in the past, I mean, come on!) and the thumbnail had the lyric “I’m the king and you’re the queen”. So I just took that and rolled with it.

3. I didn’t think it a big deal because I honestly wasn’t planning on posting the thing. I was frustrated with myself that day and was pretty sure that it wouldn’t be good anyway. And then what do you know? It was good. It was better than good. I actually loved the result. So I decided to post it after all.

4. That last paragraph was on the line until the last moment I posted it. I only added it on the last round of edits and wasn’t really sure about it. I almost deleted it a few times, but, ultimately, I decided to leave it be.

5. I had some random thoughts about what happened after Griffin took the crown. Since it will get so out of control with the length if I try to write this (and I really don’t have the time for that), I’ll just write them out here. In short because I forgot some details that were kind of important. Also, angst alert.

Griffin and Valtor start ruling Domino and Griffin’s worries prove to be true. Valtor is… well, not that he’s not listening to her but in a situation that needs improvisation, he always makes the wrong move. He’s listening to her, he’s just not listening to common sense. He’s angry and powerful and it’s not a good combination.

On top of that, Faragonda shows up at the Domino palace to look for Griffin because she is convinced that Valtor is mind-controlling her. Griffin barely manages to convince Valtor not to hurt Faragonda. He’s suspicious of her because he thinks she’s come to gather intel, but Griffin tells him that Faragonda is there because she’s worried about her.

They form a sort of flimsy truce that allows Faragonda to come visit Griffin so that she won’t be so lonely. And if she spills anything about Valtor and Griffin (not just about their plans, but in general) to anyone at all, Valtor will make sure she regrets it. Griffin is still unhappy, though, and after overhearing (whether accidentally or not so much) one of her conversations with Faragonda, Valtor understands how much the whole thing is weighing down on her conscience.

So after one last very tender night with her, he lets her go. He can’t run away with her because that will put her in danger since the Council will want his head. So he’ll stay on Domino and limit the destruction as much as possible, but he wants her to go with Faragonda. They can tell the Council that she was under his spell and that was why she was acting the way she was. They’ve seen enough of what his mark on people can do so that won’t be hard to believe. And it was Faragonda who saved her from it with some fairy dust.

Griffin doesn’t want to leave him, but she does because she can’t take any more of what he’s doing. Faragonda hides her in Alfea where a few weeks later Griffin finds out she’s pregnant. It turns out Faragonda knew all along (Valtor told her when he called her to escort Griffin to Alfea and gave her a letter for Griffin because he knew that if Griffin knew she was pregnant with his daughter, she would never leave his side). The letter tells her under no circumstances to tell anyone that the baby is his daughter. She is supposed to pretend that that is the heiress of Domino who was born just before Valtor attacked and that he’d been keeping her hibernated (which is why she hasn’t aged and is still a newborn) until they found her. It took them months to get her out of that state which would give Griffin the time to give birth to the baby. And the real heiress of Domino is stuck on Earth with her way back to the magical dimension severed by Valtor’s spell. And it will remain so as long as the Dark Dragon Fire is burning.

So Darcy grows in Alfea, pretending that she is a fairy her whole life. And her power of illusions helps her keep up the charade with Griffin and Faragonda guiding her through the discovery of her magic and helping her understand both light and dark magic so that she can pretend to be a fairy and learn how to control her actual powers. And a little bit of glamor helps hide the family resemblance between her and Griffin. She knows the truth about herself and her father but she keeps all of that hidden like her mother insists.

When she turns sixteen, Valtor appears to tell her she is to take the throne of Domino, defeat him and “claim her birthright”. He gives them a part of the embers the Ancestral Witches used to make him and tells them that that is the evidence of his defeat they are to present to the Council. And he will disappear for he can’t stay with them, no matter how much he wants to. It will put them both at risk if anyone discovers the ruse.

Griffin sees how much of his body mass is missing and follows him to learn what he’s done and where he found the ember. Valtor tells her that he cut off his wings in demon form and made them return to their original form. However, that also had consequences for his human form and he’s dying. He’s pretty sure what he did messed with his internal organs and he doesn’t have much more to live. But he doesn’t regret anything if it means that Darcy will finally be safe and happy. And once she builds her reputation and convinces everyone she’s not a threat, she’ll be able to drop the disguise.

Griffin knows that will never be the case. She’s seen clearly all these years to differ from him. They can never drop the pretense for the Council will be after them immediately. And with Valtor dying in her arms, she’s not sure if Darcy can protect herself. She’s never used the full potential of her Dragon Fire and Griffin fears it is too late for her to do it. She fears that having to pretend to be someone else her whole life has destroyed who Darcy actually was. And she fears that it is all her fault. Because she took that crown when she shouldn’t have. When she knew it was the wrong choice.

So after Valtor is dead, Griffin sets out to find out how to bring the actual heiress of Domino back to the magical dimension in hopes that if the two kinds of fire mix and both girls learn to control them, the Council will not hunt down her daughter. A perfect mix of light and darkness is her only exit. But can she be sure that she can achieve it now when she couldn’t years ago and that was what set off the whole chain of events?

So this was longer than I expected but I like how it turned out. Except for the insane levels of angst which I’m pretty sure we’re all used to, but that still doesn’t make them any less painful. Anyway, hope this makes up for the delay!

#ask #silverdragonstarlight #griffin #heat of the moment #long live the queen #griffin x valtor #winx darcy

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