#aka im eating food
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i think hes neat
#ive finished packaging woohoo!!!!#took aboiut 4 1/2 hrs uhhh#y does it take so long 4 me 2 do orders jesus#anyways 1piece & chill w/niko time#aka im eating food#then im going back 2 doing designs i think yeahhhh#god i cant wait 2 watch yugioh somemkre
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Body goal ->
#girlhood#pink#coquette#girlblogging#girlcore#hell is a teenage girl#this is what makes us girls#tumblr girls#i hate my body#body goals#food#tw eating issues#tw ed ana#ed but not ed sheeran#body dismorphia#i hate this#uglygirl#im fat and ugly#ugly#eating disoder trigger warning#disordered eating mention#lana del ray song#lana del ray aesthetic#lana del rey#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#mitski#wlw#anor3c1a#sad thoughts#sadgirl
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#vlada roslyakova#eat food#coquette#girlblogger#girlblogging#my girlblog#just a girlblog#this is a girlblog#girly thoughts#im just a girl#just girly things#dollette#lana del rey#lizzy grant#lana del ray aka lizzy grant#esoteric girl#esoteric#pinterest girl#feminine urge#female manipulator#female hysteria#girlhood#girl hysteria#manic pixie dream girl#rot girl summer#girl interupted syndrome#tumblrina#this is what makes us girls#hell is a teenage girl
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thinking about jamil who's trying to impress you with his cooking, trying all sorts of dishes, different spices, different ingredients, spending hours cooking in the kitchen just to try and coincidentally tell you he's accidentally made too much food again, and it'd help so much if you could take it off his hands
you always do, smiling gratefully and accepting the food with both hands, your words of gratitude spilling freely from your mouth and it'd make him so happy-
but he's never seen you eat the food.
he's a bit confused, he's heard you mention to others that you don't get a lot to eat from the headmaster, and he's always seen you readily eat food others give you, the tarts you get from trey, the apples epel gifts you, even the dubious mushroom dishes jade offers... (no he wasn't keeping count!)
so he gets the courage to ask you one time, making it seem like it was another coincidence when he finds you at the library, making casual conversation before asking you what you thought of his food
"oh! i think it was delicious! grim seemed to really enjoy it!"
you... think?
he asks if you'd had any of the food, and you avert your eyes, seemingly hesitant
"ahh.. i haven't... i have awful spice tolerance you see..."
oh.
oh.
the next time he gives you "leftovers", he makes sure to tell you he made a non-spicy variant of curry, so you should be able to enjoy it
what you don't know is that he spent a few nights trying to perfect a non-spicy dish, researching different cusines and ingredients before finally setting on an eastern variant of curry that seemed to suit your tastes
but it's all worth it, the way you stared at him in awe, maybe realising this wasn't a leftover at all, and the way your eyes sparkled as you excitedly asked-
"oh!! do you mind if i try it now?"
#hi its me i have zero spice tolerance and im ashamed to admit i can never eat most of jamils cooking ಥ‿ಥ#if he loves me hes gonna have to cook different foods ۹(๑`^´๑)۶ /j#but i would love to try desserts hehe#oh the eastern variant is inspired by japanese curry#aka the only type of curry i like💀#im sorry spices😭#twisted wonderland#rinna rants#jamil viper#jamil viper x reader#twst jamil#twst jamil x reader
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ive never seen anyone talk about this before so i will: i think the second opening of dungeon meshi symbolizes what would have happened if the winged lion won.
#think about it.#the blank background with nothing in it that seems to stretch out forever#the shot of all the background characters rising while being unnaturally happy#the golden kingdom citizens especially#and thistle dancing with delgal#being that delgal's happiness and the citizens' safety was his desire and all#which had already been eaten by the lion previously#not sure what it means that the touden party are the only ones seen with monsters and food but im sure it means something#my working theory is that it represents the eat or be eaten thing#the rest of the characters are being eaten#the party is seen capturing monsters to eat#in the end of the dream sequence they all smile as they fall into a pot#but at the last moment#both them and the pot disappear#perhaps that is the refusal to be eaten#and i think the shot of them looking into the pot with tiny versions of themselves#represents "if you want to take (eat) you must be prepared to have something taken away from you (in this case their lives. since theyre#gonna be eaten)#i think#tldr dungeon meshi opening 2 is laios's prophetic dream of saving the world from the maws of the winged lion by refusing to bow down and#become a meal#food#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#edit: my mistake the touden party arent the only ones seen with monsters — theyre seen throughout the opening#but my point still stands#theyre the only ones seen attacking/hunting them#aka making an active attempt to survive
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why is it always people that weigh more than twice what i do calling me fat
#rigormortisangel#aka my dad#who is pre diabetic due to his high weight btw yet he steals my food in the middle of the night and then says i shouldnt eat anyways#like shut up its not even projection atp its just fucking pathetic🙏🙏#you cannot be talking rn “you dont need to be eating so much” and im holding a meal thats 158 calories while hes eating his third bowl#of ice cream. make it make sense. plus he used to poison my food and it got to the point i either wouldnt eat or had to purge out of fear o#dying. which led to a lot of health issues i still have to deal with. so shit the fuck up about my food you fucking retard#tw abuse#ig
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I'm feeling a small victory this morning
#been trying to get a lil more in shape and started for realsies last week#and I reached a number on the scale I hadn't seen in like a year#(ok it is barely one lb below my usuals and normal fluctuations will probably get it back up but I still hadn't seen that for a year)#(and for me that's impressive on its own)#I don't want to look at the scale too much bc in the end it doesn't matter bc losing weight isn't even my real objective#and obsessing over the scale has only made things worse for me in the past#but I've been doing a bit of cardio to increase my running endurance so I can have more fun larping#and doing strength training bc I've always wanted big muscles for myself#and making sure what I eat will help the training aka more protein and fiber#and for sugar cravings I've been going toward smoothies more and gddm found some rly good low effort ones that I look forward to drinking#((ok I said I started for realsies last week but that's only the exercise part#been doing the protein thing for two now))#idk just been trying to eat healthier in general and working around my food pickiness without giving up treats#(dieting attempts have been disastrous for me in the past so prohibiting stuff and all is smthn I won't do)#been focusing on trying to find healthier options for myself and get exercise in and it probably doesn't mean anything#but im still proud of that 1 lb down#bc to me it means that something's changing in a body that has felt stagnant despite my efforts for years#and the possibility of being able to run for more than 10 seconds during larp feels feasible#idk it's a small victory for me and I think I should celebrate the small stuff too
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People will cry and moan about not using plastic water bottles or eating certain food because of 'the microplastics!' and 'genetically modified foods!' but then not give a single fuck about being sustainable or the climate At All. 😐
#just came to this realisation rn lmao#like ive been moaned at so much about my water bottle that ive had for years now (because until this thing literally falls apart i am not#throwing it away lmao) and when i eat fish or 'highly processed' foods or drink water from the tap BLAH BLAH BLAH#and i just realised a lot of these issues could be mitigated by... proper regulations in terms of dumping oil and rubbish and the Huge#pollution fucking issue we have and climate change???#and these are the same people who throw out anything as soon as its even Slightly tainted. over buy products that they dont need. only#purchase from fast fashion brands etc etc i could literally go on#anyways uts just astounding the hypocrisy of people and the way they only care about certain things at the surface level#and when i try to mention how capitalism is the reasin for a lot of these issues they are for some reason. shoved up capitalisms ass and#genuinely believe it is a good thinh#im going mental!!!!!!!#le text post#oh btw i feel like its not clear in the actual post but when i say plastic water bottle i am not meaning like bottled water like evian or#whatever. i am meaning like i have a heavy duty water bottle literally Meant to be reused that is also made of plastic. bpa free blah blah#the people that i am talking about give me grief for using this bottle but go out of their way to only drink 'filtered' aka bottled water#so that just adds on to my fucking point#anyways im gonna stop i could literally go on about this
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thinking about my good friend alois tracy on this day
#at first i didn’t like him bc of hannah but then the season moved on and i was like … okay maybe im going to sign adoption papers#but he’s literally a 12-13 year old with a Lot of trauma. with his only family aka his younger brother dying in front of him and w that#old fucker and when he tries to get out of this whole thing he manages to summon the Worst Demon Ever. like i Know that the main characters#are ciel and sebastian and they needed antagonists which were alois’s servants but alois is my son!!! he shouldn’t have been subjected to#claude and the others… and he just makes me sooooooooo sad whenever i think of him bc he lost everything and just when he thought things#were going good for him it took a turn… like ok i get that if claude was like sebastian then the whole story would be boring w no plot twist#claude is the definition of having food on your plate and looking over to see someone else about to eat what you consider better and taking#it and if he didn’t do that then the plot of s2 wouldn’t progress it’d be boring and pointless but then again season 2 was SO unnecessary…#alois my boy i’m taking you and putting you in an anime you’ll be happy in </3#black butler
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hungry.
in diner.
food. please.
#cheese#yeah#more ooc under the tags bc I'm funny like that#really funny#like actually#final warning#please let those be enough tags#for those who don't know aka everyone here the person behind this blog has type 1 diabetes#and also hasnt eaten in 22 hours#and is very hungry#im starting to get all funny in the head and dizzy#please let them bring the food soon I didn't have much of a choice my health wasn't behaving last night I couldn't eat :(#:(#o i think that's the food
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what's also great about the ichi watch is that the gold and red goes well with the arakawa-inspo outfit i have..
#snap chats#aka the outfit im wearing right now BYE#its so funny that i have really accidentally stolen his clothes. like idk what to tell you#owning a grey suit and a three-piece black suit's commonplace i really did just need the shirt LMAO#did eventually find a scarf buried in my closet so i even have that on lock down 😩 perfect for fall ig LOL#POINT IS i do have that gold bracelet plus the gold-buckled belt but also the red shoes.. that i and everyone around me love..#its perfect goku idk what else you want from me.. was meant to be even#what I want tho is food but i dont have time to make rice and im going out to eat in the city after class anyway#anyway love how i know im gonna preorder it but i havent yet because I Dont Know i like waiting until the last second i guess#ive reasoned with myself only to get the watch since as cute as the bag and wallet are#the wallet i have now is perfectly fine- plus my sister gave it to me. and i dont need a bag enough to warrant getting it#love how i never even considered the jacket LMAO LIKE ITS A CUTE JACKET just.. not $200 cute..#that's what my puffer is tho.. dont tell anyone--#ANYWAY YEAH <3 once i get the ichi watch i can stop wearing this bitch ass cringe ass watch my mom gave me#i just hope changing the battery in the watch wont be a pain down the line cause i dont think its solar powered WHOOP..#it'll be worth it to me.... ok bye im gonna stare at the wall until i have to leave for class#i have all my commission stuff done for now and i wanna rest from drawing for the rest of the day. maybe.#might stream tonight but i also might be drunk LMAO we'll see#if i stream uhhhhhh dude i dont even know.... funny y3 stream ???? drawing stream ????#we'll see what happens anyway BYE
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thinking so hard tonight abt dean is the only mary. dean is the mother sam had. dean is the caregiver to the people he loves. dean shows his love by providing, by doing.
#zeph posting#aka im feeling like fucking garbage and the only way im convincing myself to get up and eat is through this#making myself food bc im imagining dean making food for the ppl he loves#ive had a rly bad migraine for hours and ive been super nauseous but i have to eat and so this is how i can do it#giving dean a hug and sobbing into his shoulder rn actually
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hm.
#i am. quite annoyed when i tell my family i do not wish to eat unhealthy very often#and when i explain nutritional value i get ignored#even mocked and laughed at#the internet has ruined humanity. if you eat unhealthy foods it will cause an influx of issues like diabetes and high blood pressure#and other various sort of issues. like obesity as well.#i am. Literally. a former fat person. i used to be big. i used to take low dose aspirin often bc i was scared id have a heart attack#i Had sleep apnea. eating unhealthy here and there in small doses is fine but if thats all youre eating you WILL have issues!!!!#when i began eating healthier my body and health improved. /I/ feel better. i cant work out rn bc of my ankle#BUT ive been making it up by eating extra nutritional foods. sure. i had an unhealthy dinner on friday and even some alcohol.#but i do not make that a habit.#im not telling people that they HAVE to eat healthy or anything. im just annoyed that voices like mine get shut down and labelled as bs#aka ''ftphbia'' and then told im intolerant and WRONG abt health#when I MYSELF EXPERIENCED THIS SHIT AND FELT BETTER WHEN I BETTERED MY EATING HABITS#im not ''blessed'' for my thin/curvy body. i had to WORK to get it. i gain weight VERY easily and STRUGGLE to lose it#im proud of how far ive come. im proud of how im not as big as i used to be. im proud that im much healthier now.#and yet despite my mom formerly telling me i needed to lose weight? now shes scoffing at me pointing out nutritional value in food???#bruh.#ill delete this later i just need to vent
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Its late but i never stop thinking about the dick & cereal jokes btw. All of the ones ive ever seen are just [describes an eating disorder] [que laughter]. I think I'm gonna add that to my list of "things that are kind of petty but i will block you on sight for"
#this wasnt like. caused by anything in particular. but if u make these jokes i am shaming u.#im kidding. kinda. bc i know it doesnt occur to these people that um#hey maybe if someone is only eating one food that cant really count as a fulfilling meal. maybe thats not a great sign#also theres a difference between [x really likes this food] and [x only eats this food]#aka the difference i see in the steph+waffles jokes and the dick+cereal jokes#both arent that funny but one is like. actually bad
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stream of consciousness type deal.
#people's experiences of you will be so drastically different from what you're like when relaxing/unmasking at home and they'll be shocked#when you live together and you thought you let them see what you were like normally except most of the time theyve seen you at home its an#Occassion™ so ofc im gonna be alert and jumping around and talkative bc theres a lot happening and im really happy theyre there#and i can be still. but once they see me day after day exhausted and overstimulated its different bc i am different#i dont feel like i am but i am#and if they dont believe when you explain whats happening then shit hits the fan#for a while i did not understand why they were getting so mad at me at dinner#the other people there understand how i can be foggy or overstimulated and just need to eat and im happy to be there i just need to not look#at anyone or say much and im dizzy from working all day. i need to mash for a bit all ill be good. theyve been generous to take me as honest#when i tell them what im doing.#but a person who is not used to seeing me that way will start thinking im rolling my eyes at whats being said when im actually staring into#space or trying to refocus or trying to get my body to stay in itself instead of drifting off and they think im quietly judging and ik like#im so sorry but fr im not even listening to the group conversation and im not thinking anything negative about you im just gathering my body#i SWEAR. also its agreed that i take part in a group meal instead of isolating with my food bc i need to eat right now too#now that ive stopped working and im going to go back to working after this meal so. this is what i have to do. it is understood and you're#somewhat new to being here on a daily basis but I'm serious i just have to do this and im not being shady im just Something™#(aka exhausted/overstimulated/neurodivergent.) but when i get up with the gathered dishes without making eye contact im automatically angry#and im judgemental and manipulative and trying to control everyone's mood by making my problems everyone's problems with my sighing and eye#rolling. im like. again im not rolling my eyes im trying to focus my eyes. and im not sighing at whats being said im letting out the breath#i realized ive been holding bc im holding myself back from an anxiety rollercoaster drop bc im very overstimulated rn and i was asked to be#here to share meals and deal with it in front of everyone and you arent understanding that id be doing the same thing in private#nothing's WRONG im just OVERSTIMULATED RN and im pulling my body back and im not thinking anything about ANYONE in this room but im starting#to NOW bc you keep assigning meaning where ive told you repeatedly theres none and i get why you're interpreting it this way but i promise#thats not what im doing and your reasons for why im doing it are not accurate.
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#i do infact have to work tonight. and i am pissed abt it#its fine . am willing to work as long ss it means im not working tmr sorry i refuse#im going to the damn show . im not working im going to go on thrill rides n eat#way too muxh processed food and buy too many trinkets n flashjng accesories thatll just give me a migraine#havwnt been since precovid so this will be interesting#show time rolls around and i clench my fist in anger rmbering how i bwggef for months for#my ex to take me and he said he would . only to sweet talk me out of it the tuesday we had pmanned to go#and then again on thursday . like . i will fucling throttle him the nect time i see him#stepcfoot in my.placs of work again and i will shove apool cue so far up ur ass youre pixking wood and chalk from ur teeth.#anyway its fine im going to nap im annoyed n lowkey just wanna sleep i think#i had shit to do and ppl to see and neow . i am not doing anything apparently. thats all tmrs job#i gotta leave thr house anyway for therapy so its fine. ill just tack on the 4 other tasks i was supposed to complete today#to that list. whixh is fine . theres 4hrs between thersoy ending and my paycheck coming in#aka when i can even go to the showgrounds . so . its fineee.
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