#aimlessly panicking while lying in bed wishing i could just sleep

[feelo-fick]

trying to cope with the situation by realizing how this technically parallels the au. yeah thats how hard im coping.

[codename-adler]

Death of Heroes

Because not even Neil can outrun the ephemerality of men.

Renee is the first one to go. 

Nearing sixty but never reaching it, she is outlived by Abby and Wymack. At least Stephanie Walker is waiting for her at the gates of Heaven, but for the rest of her Foxes, the loss is heavy.

It’s cancer. Leukemia.

It started with the bruises from her sparring matches with Andrew not healing very well. Then not at all. After decades of maintaining these monthly meetings, of keeping her body healthy, Renee finally has to give it up. She knows something is wrong, and she knows that these sessions won’t be of any help, now.

Then the extreme fatigue starts. Still, Renee doesn’t do a thing about it. Or at least, she lets life go its own course. She looses weight, which she already doesn’t have much of. But then the nosebleeds begin, and it’s no use telling Allison to stop worrying. The diagnosis is unsurprising, yet still shattering. And it’s not a good prognosis either, but it’s still not bad enough for the doctor to give up the Five-Year survival plan.

Renee has to speak up. Ally, I don’t want to do this. She has to put her foot down. Allison, my love, it’ll be okay. I won’t get better, you and I both know that. But it can be okay. It can still be good.

Renee doesn’t get treatment. Renee doesn’t tell anybody, except Andrew. Because Andrew knows, somehow, that she made a terrible, irreversible choice. Because Andrew only deals in truths. Because Andrew is Andrew, and just as he needed her all those years ago, she needs him now.

A little more than six months pass, with less and less outings from Renee and more and more excuses from Allison, and Renee gets sick. Really sick. It starts like a regular cold. Then it looks more like the flu. And suddenly it’s pneumonia, and respiratory difficulties, and lung failure. She’s in that hospital bed, wearing that gown, breathing in that mask. Renee finally nods to Allison, giving her consent.

Ally makes the call.

Only Andrew and Dan make it in time.

Renee Walker goes out like a light.

The Foxes, who had once upon a time been used to murders, life-threatening schemes and acts of extreme violence, had never really known Death itself. The simple, yet inevitable fate of human lives. Of going quietly into the night. It’s all so quiet. So anticlimactic. It’s so quiet, too quiet, too heavy with silence. This time, there is no one to blame, no one to punish, no one to take responsibility.

It’s just life. It’s just death.

Wymack and Abby can’t believe that one of their Foxes, on of their kids, left before them. Renee’s Korean roots made her look barely a day over forty, which made it all so much worse. Renee’s death takes a toll on every single one of them. Because it’s Renee, the best of them. Because all her papers are in orders, her will to date, her wishes known; just as when she was alive, she leaves no chaos behind her.

There is nothing and no one to be mad at, except life.

In the cemetery where Stephanie Walker is buried, Andrew buys a large lot of land. (Large enough to one day welcome all the Foxes) The tomb is moved over there, and Renee’s name is added. A tree is planted above her scattered ashes. It’s very small, very fragile, but with the years, it grows strong.

For the first time, the Foxes realize that, despite going through Hell and back in their youth, they are not immortal. There is nothing to be done about that, but it hurts. It hurts to lose their angel this way, so soon, so suddenly. It hurts to lose, period. It feels like a failure, like giving up. They lost her. They lost.

But somehow, they gained something else they might never know about. Renee might have been the only religious one among them, but that didn’t stop her from becoming their Guardian Angel. Because somehow, from then on, the Foxes were spared.

Let me show you.

Just as Bee had a few years before Renee, Abby, then Wymack, simply die in their sleep, no fight, no agony. None of them have to see another Fox go before them. They don’t have to go through that indescribable ordeal ever again. They are spared the pain.

Then decades pass, enough for the remaining Foxes to grow very old, and live very long. Not infinitely, but long enough.

Matt is the next one to go.

Matt has worked hard all his life, both mentally and physically. It comes to no surprise, then, that arthritis chose to invade his body. For the first few years living with the diagnosis, natural medicine and osteopathy are enough to keep the pain at bay. It doesn’t stop Matt from doing anything. He babysits his 9 grandchildren with Dan every week; he goes on roadtrips with Dan every summer; he goes on a light jog with Dan every day.

It’s just that one day, it’s not enough anymore. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the pain becomes too much for Matt to do his day-to-day activities. And really, the pain, he could take; it was an old friend, a familiar feeling, almost like a sixth sense.

It was the mental toll of it all that he couldn’t take. To have to say no to seeing his grandchildren. No to driving around endlessly and aimlessly for hours. No to waking up in sync with Dan every morning, and no to their routine, and no, and no, and just- not living.

For the first time in a long time, Matt doesn’t want to do this anymore.

But he does, still. He smiles, and he lies, and he tries to will away the pain.

It all comes down to one afternoon, when he takes his painful walk of the day around the neighborhood. There are three little kids playing Exy in their driveway, when suddenly a ball escapes their racquets and rolls down in the street. The smallest kid runs after it, runs and runs and runs, without looking. Kind of like Neil, Matt thinks to himself before his body acts of his own. The kid doesn’t see the car, and the car doesn’t see the kid. Matt sees both.

The BMW is going way over the limit, its sleek black sides reflecting the sun too brightly. Despite his pain, despite his age, despite his now slow reflexes, Matt leaps. He screams at the kid to stop and turn around, to let the ball roll away, but to no avail. 

Matt pushes the kid away in time for the car to hit him instead, and only him.

The rest becomes a blur, but the final verdict is as such: broken hip, shattered leg, probably won’t walk ever again, even with surgery. The doctors and surgeons warn Matt that with his age, his pre-existing condition, and his drug history, surgery might kill him. But Matt refuses to be bedridden for the rest of his already miserable life. Dan knows that. She knows that he has to try. Knows that he might not pull through. She also knows that Matt wants to go, has wanted to for a while now. 

She calls Neil. She calls Allison. From there, all the Foxes are bound to get the news. Matt promises to wait until their arrival before going into surgery. In the meantime, the nurses start a morphine line, after warning the couple very strongly about the side effects and the risks. But Matt is in pain, terrible pain, and it’s a compromise to wait for his Foxes. It takes about a week for all of them to come to his bedside, with Nicky being last, coming all the way from Germany. Neil and Allison barely leave his room; Dan doesn’t at all. The others take turns, leaving as much space for Matt’s kids and grandkids as their hearts can allow.

The open spot for Matt’s surgery is on a Friday.

Matt Boyd does not make it to Friday. 

The morphine is too heavy on his heart. It was a possible outcome, not as alarming as the upcoming surgery, but... Matt had secretely wished to go ever since and- maybe, up there in Heaven, someone heard him... 

Dan and Matt had had a mutual understanding, that it was okay, but it doesn’t make it any more easy to let go. 

Two months into Matt’s departure, Allison moves in with Dan. She walks her through every stage of grief. She grieves all over again herself, too. But they make it.

Same goes for Andrew with Neil. Neil doesn’t know loss like this. Death like this.

And yet. And yet. Deep, deep down, Neil is scared. That after all his years of running, and fighting, and lying, he won’t get that peaceful ending Matt was granted.

But Neil lives.

And Nicky leaves.

A few months after Matt, he and Erik simply stay in the States. They say it’s because they want to be close, because they don’t want to miss anything, because they don’t want to risk a Fox leaving without a chance at saying goodbye. Because Nicky misses his Aaron and his Andrew.

Which are all valid and true motives. It’s just not the whole truth.

Nicky has dementia. Alzheimer’s, to be precise. Diagnosed about a year ago. It’s not bad yet, but- It’s the endless back-and-forth between the house and “der Supermarkt” because Nicky forgot what he drove there for in the first place. It’s forgetting words in all the languages Nicky speaks. It’s freaking out at all the Germans speaking German, because Nicky sometimes believe he is still living in America. It’s not finding the Columbia house and panicking when Nicky can’t get a hold of Andrew or Aaron.

It’s hard, it’s heartbreaking, it’s terrifying, but it’s manageable.

Once Nicky and Erik settle back down in North Carolina, they both wonder how long it’ll take before the twins figure it out, because there is no way Nicky is telling them, but he also knows nothing can get past his twins.

And he’s right. Between Aaron’s acute knowledge of Medicine and Andrew’s reknown lie-detector skills, it takes about 14 days for them to take Nicky hostage and demand the truth. 

As the year comes to an end, Nicky’s dementia doesn’t seem to progress that much. He seems to escape the worst. He doesn’t forget anyone. He doesn’t become aggressive, doesn’t go missing, doesn’t lose any function of his body. Without looking too closely, Nicky is simply getting old. 

The twin girls he and Erik adopted get to move back in for a little while, having lived in the U.S. all their lives and seeing their parents fly to Germany after their retirement. They know, too, and try to make the most of it. They are lucky. They are so lucky. Nicky is a miracle patient.

In the end, though, it’s Nicky’s body rather than his mind that gives out. Once you reach a certain point in time living with the disease, but without the general complications of it, eventually the brain has trouble managing all the organs of the body. So instead of forgetting to eat, or forgetting names and faces, sometimes your brain doesn’t remember how to make your heart beat. Or how to make make your lungs breathe.

Nicky Hemmick stops breathing in the middle of the night, after having wished his twin daughters goodnight, texted his other set of twins goodnight, and kissed his husband goodnight. Nicky had thought, then, that it was indeed, a good night.

Just as he had remembered his Foxes until the end, he was remembered by them as the big-hearted lover that Heaven had just gained as its new angel.

Too soon after him, though, it’s Allison’s turn. 

It’s not that she’d simply been waiting around for the day she could be reunited with Renee. She just didn’t understand why her Foxes kept leaving, and why she was still stuck here without her other half. 

She didn’t just wait, though. She helps Dan out with the grandkids, and sometimes the grown-up kids too. She volunteers a lot. She gives back to the Columbia community, and all around the world. She travels to places she’s never been, places that remind her of Renee, but are void of painful memories. She empties their bucket list, and much more. The last thing Allison has yet to do, the only thing left to do, is mending her relationship with her parents. Or parent. Singular. In spite of everything, including the death of her husband, Francesca Reynolds was still standing strong at the head of the Reynolds empire. 100 years old was nothing when you lived in spite. 

In a twisted way, Allison believed that maybe her mother was the last piece she needed to mend before she was allowed to go. That despite being gone for years, Renee was still there somewhere, looking out for her and making sure she didn’t have any regrets. 

So Allison accomplished the unthinkable, the unimaginable, the impossible. For the first time in decades, she flew back to the Reynolds estate and spoke to her mother. In person. 

It was not the emotional reunion Renee might have hoped for, but it was a reunion still. That was more than enough for Allison. They didn’t talk about the big things. The important things. But they talked. They talked. And they scheduled another talk. 

Back home with Dan, Allison embraced her friend and let the tears fall. She was grateful for her friend, but both of them knew that these were not the arms Allison wished to be held in. She went to rest a bit before dinner, and she tried to imagine how it would feel like to have Renee hold her again.

For someone as loud, as present and as strong as she was, Allison Walker slipped quietly from time. 

When Dan found her, she could only smile tearfully. She played with her hair one last time as she called her Foxes.

Allison left Dan in charge of her finances, and so she took over her charity duties and went above and beyond to honor her friend’s memory. Her sister.

Dan thought she would be next. She wished, she hoped, she prayed to be next.

She wasn’t.

Kevin was.

He might have been the biggest and hardest loss to weather. It wasn’t a feeling that could be explained. As painful as it had been to lose Renee, and Matt, and Nicky, and Allison, losing Kevin was... the great and terrible 10, as they’d say.

Kevin should have died way sooner. His liver should have given out because of all the alcohol it had endured in Kevin’s youth. His heart should have given out because of all the stress it had faced for most of Kevin’s life. All the bad things that could happen with old age should have happened to Kevin, but they didn’t. They didn’t. 

Death came knocking one day, and politely asked him if he would please follow them, and Kevin simply took it as a sign that his time was up.

That day, Kevin had felt a numbing pain in his chest all morning long. Used to little injuries here and there, he hadn’t thought anything of it. And he certainly wasn’t about to worry his doctor of a husband... 

However, as the sun reached it’s highest in the sky, Kevin couldn’t really hide his pain any longer. He had lain down on their couch for a bit, but he couldn’t seem to get back up. It was too exhausting. So he called for Aaron, as loud as he could in the state he was. 

As Aaron stumbled into the living room, Kevin tried to use his softest voice to inform his husband of the situation. Aaron immediately called an ambulance, and when the vehicle took them both away, he reached for his phone again to make, once again, a terrible call to their Foxes. But through his oxygen mask, Kevin reached out to grap his wrist and whispered, with difficulty, just Neil... just Andrew...

Because here’s the thing: Kevin loved his Foxes, and his Foxes loved him back. Immensely. 

He loved them so much he had married one, with another one of them as best man (Neil), another as his husband’s (Andrew), and yet another one as their celebrant (Renee). 

They loved him so much that it was only short of worship by a hair or two. And Kevin knew that. He loved Dan like a sister. And by extension, he loved Erik like a brother, too. And he loved all the Foxes’ children and grandchildren like his own, despite never being a parent himself. 

But Neil and Andrew... There were no words for what they were to him. He knew that he wouldn’t have to talk them through it. He knew they would be the only ones strong enough and close enough to hold Aaron up in case it all turned to shit the moment he passed the hospital doors. 

And being the History nerd he had always been, Kevin had written letters, a long time ago. To his Foxes. Most of them had left before him, and so he could never give them their letters, but Dan, and Erik for Nicky, could still have those letters. Kevin poured everything into these letters. It had taken him years, ever since Renee’s departure. He wrote, and threw away, and started again, until he got it right. Nine letters, for his nine Foxes. Andrew knew about it. He’d give Nicky’s and the upperclassmen’s to Dan and Erik, and they’d understand. Kevin didn’t want them to be there, at the very end of it all. He just wanted Aaron. And Neil. And Andrew.

Those three had letters waiting for them, too. Andrew would hand them over a month later. But he would never open his.

Andrew and Neil arrived just before 1 PM. Kevin was hooked on all sorts of IVs and still had the oxygen mask on. His heart monitor was beeping very, very slowly, erratically. He was still Kevin Day in all his gloriousness, but he was much more Kevin, their beloved Kevin.

On one side of the hospital bed, Aaron never let go of Kevin’s hand. On the other side, Kevin removed the mask and weakly motioned for Neil to take the other hand. But Neil was stunned. Frozen. So Andrew came up behind him, and held Kevin’s hand. 

It would be the first, and the last time.

Just as Neil finally sprung into action and went to put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder, feeling his wiry muscles and his fragile bones underneath the hospital gown, Kevin closed his eyes. 

The heart monitor began flatlining.

Neil looked at the monitor, then to Kevin. He looked at Andrew, then back at Kevin, and then at Aaron. His eyes couldn’t stay focused on one thing. He was still hoping. He was still refusing.

Aaron lowered his head. Kissed Kevin’s hand.

Andrew held on tighter to Kevin’s other hand. Gripped the back of Neil’s neck.

Kevin took Death’s hand, which felt a lot like Aaron’s, and Andrew’s, and Renee’s, and walked away.

Aaron unplugged the monitor. And called it.

Time of death: 13:01.

It took exaclty one month, day for day, for Aaron to leave as well. They called it the Broken Heart Syndrome. On the surface, Aaron had held it together. But Andrew knew. He saw. That he was losing him as well. 

Some could say that, by handing over Kevin’s letter, Andrew killed his brother. But those who would say that didn’t even begin to understand the complexity of the bond between twin brothers. Especially not the Minyards. 

Because what Andrew really did, with that letter, was gifting Aaron with relief.

Peace. Quiet. 

Love. 

Aaron could exhale, now. He would see Kevin soon, now.

And so in the same room, in the same bed as his husband’s, Aaron Minyard forced Death’s hand and demanded to see Kevin again.

And then there were three.

Dan lived for so long that she started to fear outliving her children. She felt old, so old. In her head and in her heart. She did not believe in a God, but she often found herself praying to someone, anyone. She did not believe in angels and demons, but she often wondered how long they would keep her from Death.

So she waited. For the days to go and the nights to pass. She barely ate anymore. She barely moved. She was only feeling okay when she slept outside, in her chair in the backyard, the sun shinning on her beautiful face. She could sleep for hours there, surrounded by her lively garden. The wind swayed her skirts, the trees whispered in her ears. It was okay.

And at the same time, it wasn’t. 

She was tired. She was lonely. Even Erik, a couple of years ago, had gone to rejoin his husband. Neil visited her at least once a week, but he still had Andrew. He couldn’t understand, nor could he stay away from him for too long. He would miss him too much.

Every year she celebrated another birthday, and every year she blew her candles wishing they were her last.

And at last, her wish came true.

Dan was expecting one of her kids to come by in the afternoon. The Carolina sun was shinning quite hard on her, so she had placed her chair in way that let the sunlight hit the back of her head, turned away completely from her house. Her daughter knew exactly where to find her when she arrived, and so she didn’t wait for a response to her presence before making her way down into the garden. She had called her mother multiple times, and had assumed she was sleeping when she hadn’t answered.

Dan was not sleeping.

Dan Wilds had left this world, the sunlight pouring down on her like the radiant goddess that she was.

Being one of the last Foxes, it took a day before Neil and Andrew got the news of her death. They don’t get involved in the funeral preparations, but they show up. And that’s enough. 

People don’t really bother them anymore, so they can bid farewell to their Captain in relative peace. They come by Dan’s house aftwerwards, too, and help her kids out with everything. Yes, even Andrew. 

Dan’s death makes them reflect the most.

About the Foxes. About each of their departures. How they all lived a good and long life. How they all died a good and quiet death. 

They think about how they were always the ones nearing death, always fighting to stay alive. About how they died a million deaths before the age of 18.

They think about how they are the last ones standing, even after everything. 

They survived. They lived. 

(They loved)

Neil and Andrew should not have gotten this far. They should not have lived this long. They shouldn’t have. But somehow, somewhere above, someone has watched over them and made sure that they didn’t get the ending they should’ve had, but the ending they deserved.

Neil and Andrew don’t really want to die. They don’t really want to live on either. But they take every day that they are given, to be with each other, to mend their hearts still, to breathe. 

They take every breath they can.

They wonder who will leave first. Who will have to say goodbye and stay behind, who will have to wait. 

It’s a fear neither of them had ever thought they’d have. Not like that.

And it’s only a matter of time before they get their answer. They are, after all, getting very old. It is both a blessing and a curse.

After decades of partnership, Neil and Andrew still go to bed the same way they did when they were eighteen. Both facing each other, their hands joined in the middle, their nose a breath apart.

After decades of peace, Neil and Andrew still wake from sleep at the slightest abnormality.

Which is why the minute Neil Josten gives out his last breath, Andrew awakes.

Neil’s hand in his is still warm and his skin is still soft. His hair, although completely white for quite some years now, still have that bronze glow to them. They’re still curly, and soft to the touch. Andrew passes a hand through them before resting it on the back of Neil’s neck. 

He looks at Neil like it’s the first time, tries to memorize every detail of his beautiful face. He rubs circle in his skin, and takes in everything that was, that is Neil. His husband. His junkie. His rabbit. His pipedream. His lover. His love.

Andrew doesn’t move from their bed. 

When he has finally spoken everything that he feels to Neil, from the safety of his mind, Andrew moves closer to him so their foreheads touch and noses align. He takes Neil’s lifeless hand again, and kisses it. He sets their hands back down, between the two of them, and looks at Neil one last time.

And slowly, Andrew Minyard closes his eyes, forever.

[pparkerpoetry]

A Son Not Worth Saving

Summary: [“Cut them off.” Tommy said harshly. “I don’t want to look at them. I hate everyone they’re connected to, so I want them gone. Permanently.”]

-or-

Tommy grows wings, and Phil doesn't stick around to help. He discovers the consequences of his neglect, but it's too late. Too late to do anything.

___

It was after Doomsday. Things were tense, and Tommy just wanted a rest. He and Tubbo had gone to his little dirt hut for the night, and though it wasn’t the cleanest place, it was warm enough. 

His back had been itchy during the fight, but he’d passed it off as nerves. Now, though? The slight itch had progressed to a small ache, then a stinging, then agonizing pain. He was on his stomach, arms pressing into the dirt floor, crying as Tubbo tried to figure out what to do. 

“What’s wrong? Tommy, what’s wrong?”

Tommy shook his head. “Tubs, it hurts, make it stop, please,” He sobbed, his fist aimlessly grabbing at small tufts of grass that had grown, despite everything.

“I’m trying, but this is way out of my area of expertise!” Tubbo panicked. “I… I think I’m gonna have to call Philza, or something, I don’t know what to do!”

“Are you crazy?” Tommy yelled. “Don’t call Phil! He’s not gonna help, he just blew up- Don’t call Phil!” 

Tubbo laughed, but it was stressed, “What else am I gonna do, Tommy? I- I don’t know, it kinda seems like you’re growing wings, and-”

“Wings?” Tommy’s disbelief was cut off by a shriek of pain. “I dunno, call Quackity? Doesn’t he have those little chicken wings?”

“Duck, Tommy!”

“I’m on the floor, I can’t duck anymore, Tubbo.”

Tubbo chuckled, but it was high-pitched and panicked. “No, he has duck wings. I definitely need to call Phil, I’ll be right back.”

Tommy tried to reach out, he didn’t want Tubbo leaving, but instead, he just curled into a ball and whimpered. He could catch snippets of the conversation, and it didn’t seem to be going well.

__

“Hi, Mr. Minecraft, Sir? I know it’s a bad time, because you just blew up my whole nation, but, uh,”

A sigh echoed from the other end of the call. “What d’you want, Tubbo?”

Tubbo giggled, but you could tell it wasn’t a casual one. “Well, you see, Philza, uh, I think Tommy-”

“Really? You’re gonna call me about Tommy? Tubbo, thanks for the call, but I gotta go-”

“No, you don’t understand, I think he’s growing wings. I- I need your help.”

Philza didn’t screech. But it was kind of close. “What? He’s growing wings? Tubbo, I hate to break it to you, but I doubt it, and I’m in the arctic anyway,”

Tommy’s whimpers grew louder, and must’ve reached the phone. Phil sighed, heavy and weighted. “Tubbo, I-”

“Please, the only person I could call was Quackity but I figured you’re kind of Tommy’s dad and all-”

“Fine. Tubbo, I’ll be there in a bit. Just- don’t touch his back. Okay?” He hung up, and Tubbo went back to Tommy.

His condition had worsened. He was on the floor, forearms pressed against it as he struggled to keep his head up. “Tubbo?”

Tubbo moved to him, letting Tommy put his arms around his neck in an awkward hug as he cried. “Yeah, Tommy. It’s okay, It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here.”

“Tubbo, I think- I think I’m gonna sleep- pass out, it hurts,”

As much as Tubbo tried to keep Tommy awake, by the time Philza arrived, Tubbo was struggling to hold up an unconscious Tommy. His face looked peaceful, almost. It was the first rest he’d gotten in a long time, but the dried streaks of tears that were there told him it wasn’t a good rest.

Philza looked almost awkward in the small hut. “Tubbo, you should probably leave, I’ll handle this.”

Tubbo wanted to trust Phil, he really did. But something was off about those eyes. Something made Tubbo need to stay here. To monitor. To make sure that Tommy was going to be okay.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll stay here.”

Phil hummed. “Which one of us has wings? You should leave, Tubbo.”

“Which one of us sided with his abuser to blow up the one thing he had left of Wilbur?” Tubbo hissed. “I’m staying here.”

It was quiet, except for the whines that Tommy let out as he clutched at Tubbo. Phil didn’t really do… much, at all. Sure, he had a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, but Tubbo was the one whispering comforting thoughts, Tubbo was the one crying in sympathy, Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo.

Why had he called Phil again?

Oh, right.

Tommy woke up when the skin on his back started stretching and they had to tear off his shirt. There was a better way to describe it, but Tubbo started to panic more and couldn’t really think about it. 

“Phil, Phil is this supposed to be happening?”

Phil nodded slowly, and was going to say something, but Tommy managed to slur out some words. “Phil- Dad, is that you?”

Tubbo spoke up when it was clear that Phil wasn’t. “Yeah. Yeah, he came to help you.”

Tubbo hated lying to Tommy. Calling Phil had been a bad idea.

When the skin on Tommy’s back started to show that something was growing underneath it, Phil started to do what he was called here for. “Alright, Tubbo. This is what’s going to happen next. The things right here are the frames of the wings, pretty much. There’s not going to be any feathers yet, those need to grow wings, but there is going to be a lot of blood,” He got up and dusted off his robes. “You’re going to be fine, but I really need to go,”

“What?” Tubbo yelled. “You’re leaving?”

Phil shrugged. “I’ve got some important stuff to get to. I can’t just hold your hands all the way through it.”

“You- Tommy’s important! You can,” Tubbo protested. “You're his father! You can’t just leave!”

“I did years ago,” Phil said, “And he turned out fine. Besides, Wilbur was more his father than I was.”

“Maybe you think so, because of how shittily you treated him!” Tubbo growled. “But whether you want to acknowledge it or not, he was your son.”

Phil shrugged, turning to look at Tommy, who was crying, reaching out for something he’d never get. “He’s not my son. Never was. Even if he was, there’s not much worth saving in him, is there?”

“Get out.” Tubbo mumbled. “Go hang out with Technoblade, cause I know that’s where you’re going. If I ever see you around here again, I’ll kill you.”

“You’d have to get through Techno.” Phil said, clearly amused.

Tubbo turned to look Phil in the eye, and Phil knew he wasn’t lying. “I’ll kill him too.”

____

Tommy didn’t remember what happened. One minute he was on the dirt floor and his dad- Phil was there, and the next he was on a bed, with Quackity and Tubbo.

“Tubs?” He croaked.

Tubbo moved over. “Hi, you’re awake, hi! Are you doing okay? How’re you feeling?”

Tommy blinked, his eyelids heavy. His back ached. “My back is sore. Where’s dad?”

“I should hope your back hurts,” Quackity laughed. “You just grew wings.”

“But where- where’s Phil?”

Tubbo wouldn’t meet Tommy’s dazed gaze. “He can’t be here right now. Had to leave.”

“Probably some bullshit excuse about something important.” Tommy sighed. “Right? He always does that. Always has. Don’t know why I hoped it would be different.”

Quackity frowned. “On the plus side, hermano, you’ve been out for a bit and have already got some feathers! It’s just the fluff though, so they look really cute.”

“What the- no, I don’t wanna look cute, I’m a big man!” Tommy tried to protest, but Quackity laughed more.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but they all fluffed up and-” He doubled over, and Tubbo managed a small smile.

Tommy swallowed, and sat up. He had to turn around, since he’d been on his stomach, but he was met with the familiar view of his bedroom. “Can I have some time alone, please?”

“Okay,” Tubbo said reluctantly. “But shout if you need anything, okay?”

Tommy said he would, and then as soon as the two others left, started crying. He remembered what Phil had said, even if he’d been listening while in immense pain. For as long as he could recall, he’d just wanted a family. People to love him. People to care about him. People to look at him and support him when they noticed he was down. 

He used to have that. Or maybe not, maybe he was just remembering it wrong. Glorifying the small amounts of affection that Phil had given him. God, Phil really never cared, did he? He just went on with Techno, trusting Wilbur to take care of the child. 

It hurt more that Phil had killed Wilbur than it did Phil disowning him. He knew deep down that it would’ve happened eventually, but he wished it hadn’t been so soon. Tommy knew he had a small family, right outside his door, but he couldn’t help but yearn for the family he used to be a part of. 

Everything in his room reminded Tommy of Philza. If he was going to go and pretend that he was fine, that he could leave his old family behind and love the new one, then he didn’t want the reminders.

Out went the old photo of the four of them, Tommy’s smile reflecting Phil’s, the glass breaking in the trash can. Goodbye to the scarf that hung on the wall with his other winter stuff that Phil had bought for him when they visited a village together. One of the only gifts that he’d ever gotten, while Techno paraded around with swords and jewels and everything that Tommy wanted. Tommy put on a beanie that Quackity had given him a while ago instead, covering the hair that so matched his father’s. 

Away went the pale blue cloak that carried memories of an arctic kingdom. Adios to the little gold bracelet that Techno had given to him to convince Tommy to leave him alone. 

Finally, when he stood in an empty room, all the reminders gone, he looked in the mirror. 

And, he saw his wings.

His wings- the soft feathers stretching into a huge wingspan, pale and hiding what colors the true feathers would be. God, he hoped they weren’t grey.

His wings were perhaps the biggest connection he had to Phil. They were the last tie that he needed to sever. 

Tommy thought it over. He didn’t want his decision to be rushed, or hasty, but he knew what he wanted. It was a few days later, when he was taking a walk with Tubbo, that he finally let his desire be known. 

“Tubbo,” He started, seemingly unaware of the shadow in the woods that watched them. “Do you like my wings?”

“Of course I do,” Tubbo replied, looking over. “Why?”

“Oh, well, I was just thinking they reminded me of Phil, a lot. And, considering he disowned me, I don’t like the reminder of a family that doesn’t love me.”

Tubbo frowned. “What are you trying to say?”

Tommy took out an axe, and shoved it into Tubbo’s hands. “I want you to cut them off.”

“What?”

“Cut them off.” Tommy said harshly. “I don’t want to look at them. I hate everyone they’re connected to, so I want them gone. Permanently.”

“If it’s… Are you sure that’s what you want?”

The grey-winged watcher didn’t stay any longer.

___

Philza visited Tommy the next day. Tommy was planting flowers outside of his house, which was remade out of wood, now.

“I see you’ve been busy.” Phil said, and Tommy scoffed.

“Why’re you here?”

Phil sighed. “I just… I’m scared I was too harsh. I wanted to apologize.”

Tommy’s back was covered with a bright red cloak. “You’re a little too late for that.”

“What do you mean?” Phil asked, fear settling down a little.

“All the times you could’ve apologised, and you choose now. I mean, of course you would.” Tommy said, sitting against the walls and looking up at Phil. “You could’ve come home from any of your adventures and been a better father. You could’ve helped Wilbur and I make a country of our own, ‘cause we had no idea what we were doing. You could’ve stopped Techno from killing Tubbo, because he only listens to you. You could’ve taken me home when Wilbur started keeping me from leaving our little ravine. You could’ve stopped Wilbur. You didn’t have to kill him.” Tommy started crying a little, and Phil sighed.

“I’m sorry, Tommy, but I had no idea-” 

“And whose fault is that?” Tommy screamed. “I sent you letters the whole time. I knew you’d never read them- maybe that’s why when Dream was abusing me I put every little detail into those little slips of papers. I said what I was really feeling in those letters when I couldn’t admit it to myself. You could’ve taken me down from that pillar. You could’ve realized what was going on when I had panic attacks every time you shut the door a little too loudly. You aren’t stupid. You just don’t care- and that’s why you sided with Dream to destroy the one place that I could truly call home. It’s your own fault that our relationship is irreparable, because you had chance after chance after chance to be my father, and you ignored them. Ignored me. No, Philza Minecraft, it’s far too late to apologise.”

“Do you still have them?” Phil asked softly.

“What, the wings?” Tommy scoffed again. “Of course that’s what you’d ask. Making sure I’m still under your control. Well, Phil, no.”

“No, what?” Phil asked, temper flaring. “Do you have them or not?”

“I know you were in the woods, eavesdropping.” Tommy said. “No, I’m not under your control anymore, Philza.” He took his cloak off, and Phil gasped. 

Tommy’s wings were still there. They were beautiful, too. Striking reds and oranges and yellows- a painting of a sunset as a symbol of the ending chapter. “You kept them.”

“I did.” Tommy said, glaring at Phil. “Not for you, though. I was going to let Tubbo chop them off, but I decided that I could go through the pain of losing them after just growing them and have them always in my mind, or,” He tilted his head. “I could keep them. Claim them as mine, learn to fly while you’re grounded forever. I think keeping them hurts you more than it does me- to know that I’m soaring above all of your bullshit, on wings that you gave me, would crush you, I think.”

“Aren’t you still my son, though?” Philza pleaded.

Tommy laughed. “I haven’t been since you walked out the door with Technoblade and left me alone with Wilbur for an entire year, missing my birthday that you promised you’d be at, without so much as a card. I haven’t been your son since you decided to prioritize everything over me, and I certainly am not your son now, when it only benefits you. Bye, Phil. I think you should leave.”

“Tommy, I-”

“You heard him,” came a voice from the doorway. Quackity stood there, arms crossed. Tubbo was behind him. “You should leave. It’s almost time for our family dinner, anyway.”

Phil took a step back. “They’ll never be your true family, Tommy.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Tubbo mentioned. “His biological family kinda treated him like shit.”

Tommy laughed, and patted Tubbo on the shoulder as he went inside. “Bye, Phil. Tell Technoblade I told him to fuck off, will you?”

The countryside echoed Tommy’s laughter as Phil went back to his own home. Apologising was worth a try, but Tommy had been right. He really didn’t care, did he? Maybe that was a realization for another day- Techno needed help with the next farm he was making, after all.

[chase-the-windandtouch-the-sky]

I wish you would write a fic where...Clarke is in a coma after Gabriel removes the chip. Panicked Bellamy, worried Abby, regretful spacekru, Becho break up (if you can squeeze a small part of that in there), and an apologetic Russell, give me all of the angst!!! (Of course she wakes up at the end, she doesn’t remember what happened while Josephine was in her body, but she remembers everything before that)

You guys are making me SO EMOTIONAL with these prompts!

It occurs to Bellamy that time is a funny thing.

He went to sleep thinking he’d be back on earth in a few years afterthe radiation calmed down, to only blink and wake up over a hundred yearslater. Now? Now, it’s been three days and he’s never felt time move so slow. Ifhe was more irrational, he would think that time is taunting him in the waythat it does when it ebbs and flows. Makes you feel every second of pain andbreezes by the times of happiness.

Time is making him feel this.

Bellamy sits at the end of the bed where her feet are. There areseveral others in the room, just as it had been for the past three days. “Whyhasn’t she woken up?” Murphy grumbles from the corner. “I thought that old guysaid he could revert her brain back to what it was? Was he lying to us too?”

“It’s not as simple as that,” Abby says, her voice raspy from crying. “Hehelped to the extent that he knew how.”

“What about the cryochamber?” Madi asks, who is sitting on the otherside of the bed, gripping Clarke’s hand so tightly, that Bellamy wondersaimlessly if she’s cutting off circulation. “That saved Kane. You said hewouldn’t have made it if you hadn’t put him in the chamber.”

Abby’s expression softens and crumbles. It’s clear she’s been trying tokeep it as stoic as possible for everyone, but when it falls on Madi, she can’tkeep it up. “It doesn’t work like that. Kane’s injury was of the body. Clarke’sis of the mind. There’s nothing suspended animation can do for her. She just hasto… wake up.”

“Then she should be waking up!” Raven shouts from across the room.

Raven hadn’t spoke since they managed to get the Mind Drive out of theback of Clarke’s neck. She threw herself into research of getting it out whilemaintaining the integrity of the brain, but once they were able to do it, Raven…stopped. Bellamy can’t remember the last time Raven just stopped. She stopped arguing, she stopped planning, she simply stopped.

Instead, she pulled up a chair, crossed her arms, glared at Clarke’sbody, and waited.

There’s a noise in the corner of the room when someone enters thespace. Bellamy’s eyes widen when he registers who it is, immediately jumping tohis feet. Rushing over to the door, Bellamy reaches out and grips the person’scollar of their shirt and throws them against the wall. “What are you doing here?”Bellamy shouts, bringing his face dangerously close to Russell’s. “We didn’t killyou for your crimes, but I wouldn’t push our patience!”

Murphy raises his hand. “I’m still down for murder.”

Jordan sighs. “But you’re always down for murder.”

“At least I’m consistent.”

Bellamy tries to ignore them. “Why are you here.” He seethes, his tone dangerous.

Russell doesn’t seem surprised by the reaction. Instead, he looks atBellamy with sorrow. “I came to pay my respects.”

“Your respects?” Abby asks, striding over to him. “You only pay yourrespects when someone is dead. And Clarke is not dead.”

Russell doesn’t respond, but Bellamy can tell from his expression thathe doesn’t agree. Bellamy could kill him then and there. His throat is rightthere. He could strangle the man. Wrap his fingers around his throat andsqueeze. No eclipse to blame, not war to justify.

He could kill.

Bellamy lets go of his collar. Turning around, Bellamy focuses back on whereClarke lies, returning to his seat. He lets out a shaky breath and turns his headso he doesn’t have to see the man.

“Oh, so we’re not killing him?” Murphy asks, disappointment in hisvoice. “Shame.” He mutters with a shrug.

“I want you to leave.” Abby instructs, her words tight. “You have no rightto be in here, after what you’ve done. You have no right to walk in here andexpect—”

“I know.” Russell states. “I-I—” He sighs. “When the eclipse happened,I killed almost all of my people. I killed all of my family. I hurt everyone Iloved. I spent all of my lives trying to remedy. Trying to turn back time. AndI saw this woman and I…” Russell exhales. “I thought she’d get it. Because shewas your leader. I heard about what she had to do to keep you alive, thechoices she made. Now I realize, it wasn’t the same. She was trying to keep youall alive. I was trying to rewrite the past from my sins. She accepted hers and moved forward. I—”

“Leave.” Madi says, her words powerful. The way they get when theCommanders come forth. “I do not give you permission to be here. Leave.”

“Madi, I understand—”

“You do not understand! Youtook the only person I had! You took the person who raised me, the person whosaved me after Praimfaya!” Madi shouts. “You took my Mom.” The word breaks. “I am the Commander of these people. And Iwill strike you to the ground if you stay any longer.”

“Yay! Murder!”

“Murphy,” Emori snaps, but there’s a hollow laugh hiding behind herwords.

“I will kill you if you stay. I told you to leave.”

Russell turns. Before he opens the door, he hesitates. “I wanted my daughterback. I was blind as to who she was. What she turned into. She grew more dark,more evil. I didn’t want to see the truth. Because if she was a monster, whatwould that make me? The man who killed his own daughter?”

The door slams against the frame when he leaves.

“Murphy, can you please stop suggesting murder as the first choice?”Emori asks.

“It would solve so many problems though.”

“We aren’t doing that, we were supposed to be better.” Bellamygrumbles. “For Clarke, we’re not doing that again.”

Bellamy squeezes his eyes shut. “Please wake up,” he whispers. “Pleasewake up, please wake up.”

A hand touches his shoulder and squeezes. He looks up to see Echo, faceexpressionless. She keeps her hand there. It seems to not matter that they’dbroken up days ago in the midst of the chaos, but she knows. Bellamy wonderedlater if she always knew how he felt about Clarke, but it didn’t seem to matternow.

Now was a time for family. And they were posting vigil at the foot oftheir family. All of their family.

Her foot twitches under his hand and he nearly leaps into the air. Echo’shand slides off as he shuffles to where her head is. Bellamy can’t help it, heknows he should let Abby examine her, but he puts a hand under Clarke’s headand grabs her free hand. Squeezing it tightly, Bellamy searches.

For something. Anything.

Her eyelids twitch. They slowly pull open, blinking in the light around.Clarke twists her head in his palm, eyes dazed and struggling to focus. “Clarke,”he breathes when she settles on him.

It’s as if they all take a breath.

She doesn’t say anything.

“Clarke, look at me.” Bellamy says, trying his best to keep his cool. “Clarke,I have you. I have you right here. Clarke, look at me.”

She still doesn’t say anything. Instead, she moves her head around asshe takes in everyone in the room, as they have shuffled close.

“Clarke, please.” Bellamy says, his words breaking. “Please say youremember us. Please, please come back. Say you—”

He can’t continue. Gabriel had mentioned that there was a chance that shewouldn’t remember them. Remember anything. That the damage would be too much.As she searches the room, a horror settles in his spine that he can’t shake.

“Clarke,” he manages to get out but it sounds like a sob.

Clarke’s eyes return back to his face. She opens her mouth, trying tospeak, but nothing comes out. The terror of losing her again is back and it’sparalyzing. He holds her hand because it grounds him here. Maybe it’ll groundher.

Maybe it’ll bring her back.

Clarke settles on him. The daze filters out. The corners of her mouthturn up in a way he recognizes. He almost cries out with relief. A tear poolsat the bridge of her nose as her lip trembles.

His Clarke.

With a raspy voice, she says one word and all his doubts melt away.

“Hey.”

[goldengem395]

Dreamer | Chapter One

A/n: I OWN NOTHING ONLY OC CHARACTER.

Ana awoke sometime after 2 am, she had some trouble sleeping, plagued by nightmares. She had fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, having spent another long day at college. Deciding she could not sleep anymore, she put on her slippers and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, while doing so she looked out of the window, it was pitch black out there not a soul was about. Sighing Ana sat down at the table taking a sip before putting the glass down ‘What am I going to do until morning? She thought to herself.

                                   2 HOURS LATER…

 Still sitting there staring up at the clock, watching the seconds go by, Ana decided to herself ‘ There is nothing to do at this hour, I’ll try to get one more hour of sleep, I'll be tired tomorrow’. Leaving the kitchen and returning to her bedroom, Ana just stared up at the ceiling for a time, her eyes gradually growing heavier and heavier ,,,

Through a greenish foggy haze there was a small child, a girl with white blonde hair running around what appeared to a courtyard of a fortress, The image disappeared as soon a she saw it, another soon replaced it. A swamp. a horrid place, murky water, deathly looking trees, life sucked out of them. Suddenly a girl materializes out of nowhere, it was the girl from before, only this time she was much, much taller, older, she turned around and stared right at me, those eyes ...so green.      Ana  gasped and open her eyes, she was no longer in her room but in the very same swamp from her  dream. Or maybe I was still dreaming. She hoped. Ana tried to get onto her feet but a sharp pain  from her stomach stopped her immediately, she looked down and saw blood staining her shirt, Ana pressed her gloved hand against the wound to staunch the blood. Wait! Gloved hands? She looked to see that she was wearing brown leather gloves with a light blue edging and slowly looked up her arm. White cotton sleeves ,brown leather waist cincher with a silver belt with blue stones set in square links, tan leather trousers with knee high boots? I did  NOT go to sleep in this! Looking down in a puddle of water, Ana saw her  reflection, only it was not her face she saw. Its the girl, her pale hair so different from my own black ringlets and while her eyes are leaf green, mine were a copper brown. How did I get here? Why do I look like her? How do I get back? This has to be a dream, it has to be. The wind was howling it was the dead of night and strange noise sounding all around her, Ana slowly limped her way towards some wooden houses. When she could walk no more, Ana collapsed a little way away from the homes and let exhaustion take her,

                                        SOMETIME LATER

  She woke up facing a wooden wall, she was lying on a woollen mattress. I must be inside one of the houses, but how did I get in here? The last thing I remember was the sight of the houses. Someone must have brought me inside, the owner perhaps? Knowing she had to get up, but her pain still troubling her, Ana was content to just lie there for a bit staring at the wall, listening to the crackling of a fire. All of a sudden she heard echoed voices, ‘’Does she sleep? A voice asked. ‘’Like a lamb’’ A voice replied. ‘’Come sisters, no point in dawdling, the tape is set, the cauldron bubbles''. Another deeper voice, ‘’ We cannot! You know she is meant for him’’ A panicked warning. ‘’Imlerith will get her, he will, but not whole’’ Reassured a voice. ‘’ Well said, we’ll just have a sample’’ Was a sinister agreement. ‘’ I’ll take her feet’’. ‘’Lovely’’ Chuckling. ‘‘Pump, perfect for a broth’’. ‘’I can taste it already, very well, GET ON WITH IT Ana had be listening silently to the whole conversation, her heartbeat increasing rapidly as each second went by. What's going on, are they talking about me? I have to get out of here NOW!!! Ana rose from the bed as quickly as she could and climbed out of the window and ran away from the houses towards the trees as fast as her legs could carry her. It was chilly and was just beginning to snow. She heard growling and turned around to a creature lunge at her, it looked almost like a man, though its body had a slimy blue hue and a stench like rotten meat to, its fingers webbed with claws. Only then did she realise she had a sword strapped to her back, she had taken fencing lessons one when was little, but that was many years ago and she could barely remember it ,but anything was better than dying here, so she drew the sword and aimlessly hacked at the monsters running all the while trying to escape. A loud noise sounded and what appeared to be a portal opened and out came there monsters, on four legs with spikes on the backs, Ana ran i the opposite direction, more and more portal opened and more creatures, She was surrounded, again she started whacking at them, she looked ahead and saw an area free of monsters, she desperately wanted to be there away from where she was closer to safety. The world was a blur and at once she was where she wanted. Ana looked back They are catching up! She hurried over to a clearing and quickly claimed up a tree hoping they would not notice her. She heard the loud stomping hooves and clinking and look down to see a large person clad in skeletal armour, his horse just as heavily armoured. Keep silent! Keep silent! Keep silent! She chanted to herself. Where am I ? Why are these things happening? Ana waited a little longer until the rider gave up looking and thundered away. Just as her went the branch snapped under my weight and I hit the ground with a cry, look around and ran off.

                                                     SOME TIME  LATER

                 Ana had been running for quite some time now, desperate time get away from this nightmare she was not particularly aware of her surroundings and in her haste to escape she tripped on some fallen branches and fell from a small cliff into a large puddle face down. Slowly raising herself up on to her feet Ana looked around her, she was in a small gorge. Now, to find a way out. Ana thought to herself and followed the passage. A short time after Ana heard growling, a child shouting and saw them. WOLVES! Putting aside her fear, Ana ran to help the child, she only had her sword that was near useless to her as she did not know how to properly use it but it was all she had. There were three of them and after quite some time of hacking and dodging out of the way, they were dead. Ana went to see to the child, she looked up towards the tree and saw it was a small girl, her hair braided into a single plait swept to her left shoulder. ’You can come down now’ ’Ana said. The girl made her way down. ’Hello there, are you lost? ‘’A little I guess, are you? The girl replied. ‘’Yes, but  just a bit.’’ Ana answered. ‘’Does that mean you know which way to go? She asked curiously. ‘’Not yet, but we’ll find a way out together’’ She reassured. The girl was staring at Ana’s wound. ’What happened to you? ‘’I doesn’t matter, why are you here? ‘’My father brought me Add to dictionary me to follow the trail of treats and eat my fill. He said he would wait. So I  started down the trail, but then I  saw a butterfly and I ran to catch it and I lost my way. ’she answered. ‘’Come I'll get you home and explain to your parents they should not leave their children to wander the woods’’. Ana told the girl. ‘’We can’t go home. Cause of the wolf king and his pack’’ Insisted the child. ‘’Wolf king? Ana asked unsure. What is she going on about? ‘’ I saw him from behind a tree, he was huge, with giant eyes and great fangs and he was terribly disgustingly horrific’’. Mmm Delete repeated word….. A king of wolves, who is huge, with giant eyes and great fangs…...could it be ?No they don’t exist….but then again all I’ve seen so far maybe it could be…….werewolf. ‘’See what I’ve got on my back? The girl nods. ’Wolves fear it. Come I'll help you’’. Walking further they heard more howling, more wolves, sword at the ready, Ana shouted for the girl to hide and charged at the wolves. When finally the wolves were dead, Ana kneeled down by a dead horse and examined it. Mmm… massacred, by something with huge claws, looks like my theory  is looking more and more likely. Ana followed the girl. Suddenly she stopped. ’Look! There’s something there.’’ Ana looked towards where the girl pointed and almost wished she hadn’t. Half a boat and inside lay the corpse of a man, it was a mess, blood everywhere a look of terror on his face. ’Wait there, look away! Ana shouted, as the stepped forward to examined the body. A child should not see such things. Mmm, he died recently , bit clear through his tongue, he must been terrified. His chest is crushed, something tore his leg off, no… gnawed at it! Seems my theory is correct, this wolf king is no child’s fantasy, but real. Ana felt her pulse rate pick up at bit after coming to her conclusion. ‘’What happened to him? The little girl asked. Not wanting to scare her Ana quickly said. ’He...had a fall’’, ‘’I’ll bet, the Wolf King got him’’. Smart girl. The girl set off again, Ana following closely until the came across even more wolves..No, not more wolves. When they were dead, Ana shouted. ‘’There gone, you can come out! Ana spotted something on the ground. Its dead, a pig here? Must be a settlement nearby. ’Do parents often send their child out to follow the sweets? She asked, ‘’Sometimes they send their children, sometimes they go themselves’’ the child said simply as if it were the norm. ‘’No ‘’. She said surprised that Ana would ask. ’They’ve plenty to eat where the path ends’’. ‘’This way, through the cave’’ ‘’You lead’’ Ana said as she followed her through the cave. When they got inside the heard a loud growl and saw the king of wolves about to attack a man. It’s true. ‘’The wolf king, now do you believe me? ‘’I believe you’’. Ana assure her.’’ Hide’’. Ana whistled to catch the wolf’s attention. It worked, the beast turned towards her and attacked, she dodged and struck it with her sword, she was beyond terrified but she just kept hitting and dodging until finally it was dead. The man walked up to her, ’Why ..you really gam I'm a drubbing! Never seen anything like it!  He exclaimed. ‘’Girl, you can come out now’ ’Ana shouted. The girl walked towards her. ‘’Do you have bandages at home, some strong spirit, I’ve be cut’’. ‘’No , but my lord - he’s a powerful man. He’s sure to help you’’. The man replied. ‘’Alright, take us to your lord’’.

A FEW HOURS LATER

                Ana and the small girl whose name she had later learned was Gretka, had been brought to a walled village called Crow’s Perch. It was a modest place, situated on the top of a hill surrounded on all sides by a moat of marshy water, its only way of entrance being a long wooden bridge, that did not look entirely safe to cross, but they crossed it. When they entered the village, Ana looked around, it was a bleak place, there were a few stalls, selling bread and vegetables, the people looked so grim, the houses were made of wood with thatched roofs. Then man led them up the hill, through a portcullis gateway, after he explained to the guards why they were there and further up towards the main building. It was made of red bricks and had three floors, with an outside staircase leading to the second and that was the way they took. Once they reached the top of the stairs, the man once again explained why they were there. Ana wasn’t paying them any attention and was staring out over the landscape. Miles and miles of marshland, what a horrid place. Ana thought to herself. The guards escorted them to a room and told them to sit at the table and wait, while he informed  the Baron that they were there. The room was long with a grand fireplace carved from white stone, there was a large brown bearskin rug on the floor, just next to the table at which they sat. There were many small tables spread out across the room and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling ,which appeared to be made from deer antlers with long thin candles .A few moments later two women came into the room, their arms laden with food that they then placed on the table in front of the pair. There was a loaf of bread, two bowls of stew, a lump of cheese and two tankards of water. Mmm. Smells delicious. The two hastily dug into their food , when in walked a man whom  Ana assumed to be the Baron, he just stood and stared for a few moments, the girls too hungry to care. The Baron turned to the man who brought them in and shouted. ’Just who do you think you’ve brought me, man ?! That's not my daughter! ‘’And the little one’’? The man asked. ‘’Neither, dammit! I think i’d know my own child’’, ‘’Well er er … Might not be yours, the older one, but you’ve got to admit the likeness. It's downright striking! So, any chance for that reward ? ‘’You’ll not see one copper. Get out! Before I set my hounds on you’’. The Baron shouted, pointing towards the door, as the man ran out. The Baron turned towards the two. Ana looked him up and down. The Baron was a portly man, he was maybe in his late fifties, with small eyes and thick greying beard. He wore a steel and leather breastplate, a steel collar and steel around the stomach, but leather with studs on the chest. Over that, he wore a scarlet red wool jacket with a large knife strapped across his chest and on his arms he wore steel  vambraces. ‘’Stew any good ?’’ He asked them. ‘’Very...Thank you.’’ ‘’Pleased you like it. Had them prepare a bath for you, once you’ve eaten, And you could do with some sleep.Gretka in the nook behind the hearth, you have  the guest room opposite the kitchen.’’ The Baron said. After they had finished their meals a maid came in and escorted Ana to a room with a large wooden bathtub in the centre of it, with a small table next to it, on which sat soap, a lit candle and some scented oils. In the corner of the room was a chair with a towel draped across its back and just as in the other room, there was a candle lit chandelier hanging from the ceiling. After the maid had left and closed the door, Ana disrobed and got in. The water was steaming hot and relaxed her aching muscles. After all that running and carrying that heavy sword on my back all day. Ana thought. She reached over towards the table holding the bath oils and chose one, opening the lid and smelling.  Mmm… smells , sort of  like … roses maybe. I’ll use this one then. Ana poured a few drops into the water and replaced the small bottle back onto the table. Ana then slowly sank into the tub , resting her head on the edge and stared up at the ceiling and took a deep calming breath. What is this place ? How did I get here and why do I look like her ? I looked across that landscape and I don’t think this place is even England and why is everyone dressed so old fashioned? Maybe I've stumbled across some re-enactment of some kind , although I’m seriously starting to doubt that. How can I go to sleep in my own bed and wake up somewhere entirely different ? What is happening?

[hanminbin]

Chapter 5

One glass. Two glass. Hannah slurred on her words. Her cheeks were now flushed pink and her eye sight fuzzy.

She stared down at the glass goblet filled with red wine and started giggling.

She was sitting in the kitchen island, on a stool, when Chanyeol approached her. He sat down in front of her, pushing the wine bottle away from her.

Hey! Ya! I found that. Finders keepers, losers weepers. She slurred again, pouting in disappointment.

I see you discovered the wine cellar. He murmured, staring at the bottle. And it's my favorite year too, 1934? He reached out to pick it up. He stared at the date on the bottle.

Why are you drinking so heavily? He asked.

I don't know. She smiled coyly, shrugging her shoulders.

Were you always this handsome or is it just my imagination? She blurted out, standing up. She staggered towards him, who was still seated on the stool.

You're clearly drunk and trying to distract me from my question. He said, feeling a little annoyed.

No, it's true. You hypnotized me with your eyes that day. And now, I'm seeing and hearing things, ever since I've met you. She trailed off, closing her eyes.

Who...who...are you really? She breathed out.

Nobody. He uttered quietly back, gnawing on his lower lip. His dark eyes, glued now on her full, pink lips.

There's something about you Mr. Min. Some...strange familiarity. She whispered, as she moved forward to touch his chest with her hand. She was now a couple inches away from his face. Chanyeol gulped at the closeness.

Stop it, you're obviously speaking nonsense now. He murmured under his breath, pushing her hand off his chest. He turned to look away in embarrassment.

I'm not. I'm telling you the truth. You somehow fascinate me so much. She replied back bluntly.

We don't even know each other that well. Remember? He mumbled under his breath.

Why? Are you afraid of me, Mr. Min? She smirked back.

Chanyeol's eyes widened over her small face. He stared closely at the small delicate features on her face: from her button like nose, her small full lips, her closed eyes with long straight eyelashes, and flushed cheeks. She looked too adorable to him.

Chanyeol licked his bottom lip. He couldn't help himself. He leaned forward, pulling her closer, wrapping his arm tightly around her waist. His lips hungrily engulfing her mouth in one go.

Chanyeol pulled away then and Hannah fell over on him. She had passed out.

Am I crazy? What am I doing? Why did I kiss her? He whispered out loud.

He lifted her up with ease, carrying her to her bedroom. He placed her gently on the bed, and tucking her in.

After placing her down, his eyes swept over now peaceful,sleeping face.

Sorry. Sorry. Hannah. I thought I would never find you. He said, looking down at her sadly.

---------

His boots crunched under the dirt, as he ran towards an dark wooded forest.

Hannah!! He screamed out loud, his voice echoing in the air.

Where are you?! He called out in the darkness again.

He stopped where he was at, while his back laid up against a tree. He breathed heavily. He felt so exhausted there.

He gazed up into the night sky. He could see the bright full moonlight in the starry night sky, as it started to reveal itself behind the dense clouds.

No...No..not now. The boy started to panick, as he hunched over to the ground. He clawed at the dirt ground.

His vision became more clear in the darkness. His eye color altering to a bright, fluorescent violet.

He no longer felt cold. His hearing was now more alert and sharp. He could hear the owls howling from miles away. He could hear the spider weaving it's web on a tree branch. He could hear the cascades up in the high trees, buzzing along.

--------

And the boy remembered the scene so clearly in his mind., as if it happened yesterday.

I hear something. The boy said to the girl. Wait here. He told her. The girl nodded her head.

He followed the hushed voices, down the long hallway of the mansion.

The voices grew louder, the more closer he walked.

He finally reached a door, that was slightly cracked open. Inside, there was the dancing couple he had seen before.

You...you won't let me see her?! She cried out, pulling at his sleeves.

The boy gasped. The woman was with a different man this time. Not the same man from the dance floor.

Please!! She pleaded with him.

Nara, you chose him in the end. I won't let our daughter get exposed to your lifestyle. I won't let her see what you've become. I won't put her in danger anymore because of your irresponsibilities.

The man looked frightened.

I...don't love him. She whispered, lowering her eyes.

You can't leave him. Its impossible. You know that? He won't allow you to go. I....I...can't win against him. He sighed, clutching his hair over his head.

I never stopped thinking of you, even when I was with him. I only thought of you. I only wanted to be with you. She wept, tears rolling down her cheeks. They were not transparent but resembled blood.

The man suddenly embraced her in his arms, grasping the back of her head.

I wish...I wish I never met him. She whispered out, nuzzling her head against his chest more.

The boy turned to walk away quickly down the hall.

Sujoon? What's wrong. The girl smiled, as he grabbed her hand.

Come on. Let's go. He said in a rush.

He didn't feel so good about this. He could feel it in the pit of his stomach. Something was about to happen. Something he didn't want her to see.

He darted aimlessly through hallways, dragging the girl along the way until he reached the ballroom.

Sujoon? Are you sure everything is fine? She asked him, frowning now.

Hey? Do you want to play a game? He smirked back.

What...what kind of game? The girl asked, peering up in curiosity. She seemed so innocent to him.

How about hide and seek? Huh? He winked at her.

You go hide and I'll find you later. Does that sound good? I'll count to ten, and I'll come to find you?

The girl nervously nodded her head.

The ballroom was now in utter chaos. People ran from numerous directions.

People were falling over, writhing and screaming in pain. Their skin was burning off, exposing their flesh.

The boys eyes grew large at the scene.

They spiked the wine. One hollered, clutching his throat. It's on fire....the man raspy voice uttered.

They did this to attack us. One woman choked out, sprawled on the ground.

The boy turned his head and saw a storm of men clad in black suits. They were familiar to him. He recognized them. They were some of the guest at the ball. They shot bullets through the air, sending off small fire crackers,penetrating through their bodies lying on the ground.

I got to find Hannah. I'm so stupid. Why did I leave her alone? He thought.

Sujoon? Is that him? One gossiped.

The boy ran away from the voices, chasing after him.

His eyes looked around. Where could she be hiding? He thought.

He heard a small voice whimpering from underneath the small table.

He lifted up the sheet covering the table and cracked a smile. He held out his hand for her to take it.

And then he woke up.

Dak-ho was dripping with sweat.

-------

They're not my thoughts, but they feel so real to me. Dak-ho told Chun-hei over a cup of coffee.

They were now sitting across from each other at a cafe.

I can't stop thinking about it. He huffed out.

You need to stop watching horror and monster movies. I know you're a big fan of them. Chun-hei interjected, swirling her latte with a straw. She bit down on her lip. She was still concerned for him.

Did she prescribe more medication to you? She asked him.

He nodded his head.

Chun-hei was the only one who knew about his secret and why he struggled with the disappearance of his sister.

His sister, who he had often discussed with her. Had she ever existed? She wondered.

After all, Chun-hei knew he had no sister, to her knowledge. She was nothing more than his imagination.

Then this break is what you needed. She exclaimed.

I guess so. He mumbled under his breath.

Chun-hei....was she ever real? Or am I just crazy? These dreams seem so vivid, like memories from my past. Did I ever have a sister before? He sighed.

Chun-hei had to be careful with her words. She didn't want to offend him, but she spoke anyways.

Maybe they are true? She answered, causing Dak-ho to lift up his face. He was stunned that she was believing him.

He didn't understand what she meant.

Have you ever heard of reincarnation? She asked him then.

Dak-ho laughed a little at her reply.

No...hear me out! It may sound bizarre...she trailed off.

But there's been stories of people, who have experienced similar situations as yourself. They claim they're suppressed memories from their former past.

Dak-ho chuckled at her explanation.

So you're saying, my past self had a sister?

Chun-hei nodded again.

Maybe you feel guilty about losing her? Or maybe it's not reincarnation?

Maybe....you created her in your mind, as a result of the accident you suffered from 10 years ago?

That day...you said you were lost in the woods? They said you were out there for 5 days. You were on the brink of dehydration and exhaustion. Maybe you lost yourself out there? She explained to him.

Maybe you created her, to cope with the loneliness while being out there alone? She questioned him.

I guess...that's a possibility. He chimed in, dropping his gaze.

I thought I was doing so well until I met that girl. I was able to go through many similar cases and I had no problem, until now..

Did...did you find that girl? Chun-hei asked.

No. He shook his head.

How come you're so determined to find her?

I don't know...He replied back. I guess it's my intuition. I just need to.

Maybe this girl....she reminds you of that sister, you lost back then? She asked him.

Maybe...he simply answered back.

-----

Am I not allowed to leave here? Hannah asked.

You're not a prisoner here. You're free to come and go as you please, just return back here safely. Chanyeol explained.

You really do trust me? She smiled softly back at him.

I should be asking you that same question. He responded in his mind.

I'm sorry. She mumbled back.

For what? He uttered out.

I got drunk yesterday and stole your wine from your cellar. Did you find me there passed out in the kitchen? She asked him, her cheeks flushed pink.

Oh..that. He recalled. Do....you remember anything else? He piped in.

I don't. I just woke up in my bed. Did you carry me up to my room? She stared at his eyes, feeling awkward.

Yes. Were you troubled by something?

She nodded her head. I guess so. She trailed off.

About what? He asked, his eyes growing large.

Does she remember? He thought, biting down on his lip.

I guess, it's this whole case that I'm involved in. I'm worried about it. If you'll be able to find the killer.

Chanyeol smiled in relief. She doesn't recall anything. He thought.

Of course, I will. I have been looking for him...for a long time. I'm sure, I will catch him. It's only a matter of time..before we meet again.

--

Hannah sighed as she rocked herself in stairwell in the front porch.

She looked at the moonlight streaming from up above, then glanced down at her watch.

Is he not coming home today? She murmured to herself.

You're not a prisoner here. You are free to come and go as you please. Chanyeol answered in her head.

Her stomach grumbled at that moment.

She looked down.

I'm so hungry though. She complained out loud.

Before she knew it, she was traveling on board a bus.

She looked out the window sadly.

I had to give up everything. I had to resign from my job and come to live with this man. Why did I have to end up there in the first place? Why....was I even there? She thought.

Baek hyeon. She heard a whisper in her head.

She saw herself in that dark, cold room again.

Why...why can't I remember everything? Sge pouted in silence.

The bell on the bus chimed, causing her to rise from her seat carefully.

She walked out into the night.

I trust you. Chanyeol said in her head at the moment.

Hannah....is it really you? I haven't seen you in a week!! Exclaimed the older lady in front of her.

She led Hannah inside the noodle restaurant she owned.

How are you? The older woman asked curiously.

I thought...you were gone for good but I'm glad you're back.

I'm not. Hannah interrupted.

Why...did you leave so suddenly? The woman looked back at her.

Hannah sighed. I needed a change.

Oh..the woman replied.

Ah..there was someone, who came looking for you the other day. He said you got mixed up in something? The woman asked.

No..she smiled back. The woman frowned.

Then...then I should be the one to give this to you. The woman held our her hand, dropping a card in Hannah's hand.

Sge looked down, picking ut up to read it clearly.

Jung Da-ko. She read to herself.

The detective? She mused.

---

[soldierswar]

Ineffable- Chapter 11

Note: Kind of a short chapter, but kind of fluffy. Sorry it’s been so long, I’ll try not to have such a long gap again. Enjoy.

The final memory I had about my mother made me sad. Even though I was only four years old at the time. I could still remember the desperation in her voice trying to tell me that everything was okay through her tears. Even though she was stuck, quarantined behind glass walls. I couldn’t even touch her. But for the first time, I was okay with talking about it.

In James’s arms, I felt safe and secure. I could tell him almost anything without fear or uncertainty of whether or not I was saying the right or wrong thing. Which was something that I don’t think I had ever experienced before.  

           My head rested on his bare chest with his arms wrapped around me. In the past four months since we had gotten together, lying next to each other in bed with minimal clothing, and aimlessly talking was something that would always end up happening after mid-day sex. Which honestly was pretty often.  

           “How long did she live after that day?” he asked, running his fingers up and down my arm, softly.

           “A week.” I sighed.

           “I never did see her again. Turns out, she was exposed to some disease on purpose while on an assignment. It was brand new, and was never seen before. Only one of the five people exposed lived through it. But just barely. I just wish I got to properly say goodbye, you know?”

           “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.” He said against the top of my head.

           I hummed contently against him. I loved feeling so close to him. I lived for those little intimate moments of getting to know each-other.

           I felt him trail his hand down my arm, which made my heart skip a beat, and my breathing hitch. I knew where this was going…

He moved his hands back down to my wrist which had a prominent, dark purple hand mark encompassing it. Although I wasn’t looking, I could feel the concern and sadness growing inside him, reminding him of what happened.

           “James, it’s fine.” I reassured him.

           He let out a deep sigh, looking at it even harder. I tried to pull it back, but he saw how bad it was. I tried really hard to conceal it. The weather was still cool, so I wore long sleeves anyway. And when I wasn’t wearing one, it was usually dark. I was still trying to convince him that it was okay, but there was no way he was ever going to forgive himself for that. If I had learned anything about him, it’s that he was always too tough on himself.

           “Scar, does that look okay to you?” his tone way more serious than it was a moment ago.

           I let out a long, deep sigh.

           “If it makes you feel any better…” I shrugged, turning back to look at him.

           “I’ve had a lot worse.”

           He narrowed his gorgeous blue eyes at me.

           “You mean from people trying to kill you?”

           I shrugged again, trying to lighten the mood.

           “James. For the millionth time, you were dreaming. It was a nightmare. None of it was your fault.”  

           I turned his face closer to mine and softly pressed my lips against his. Feeling that familiar tingling warmth throughout my entire body as I normally felt whenever we kissed.

           “I just don’t want it to happen again.” His voice was small, and shaky. It broke my heart when he was filled with guilt. I knew that he held so much of it inside of him. None of what he did was ever his fault, and yet he had done many unspeakable acts that were never his fault. Even to this day with this very situation.

I’d give anything to take that pain away from him. And I wanted him to know that. I wanted him to know just how much I cared, and understood him in ways that he would never know. I wanted him to know how much I loved him…

           The words I love you had never been said between us. I fact, I was terrified to say it. I was afraid to admit it out loud. Maybe because I was afraid to admit it to myself… Once I said it, it was set in stone. He would know exactly how I felt, and maybe he didn’t feel the same way. So, I was fine with holding it in. But I couldn’t deny that I had almost let it slip a couple of times, especially during some of our more sexually, or emotionally heated moments.

           I simply didn’t want to scare him off, so I was perfectly content with holding it in.

           I pulled my arm back in under the covers hoping that out of sight meant out of mind, but I knew that that wasn’t the reality of the situation.

~~~Three Days Later~~~

           I laid awake, a little shaken, but happy that those dreams were no longer my reality. Dreams and memories of the horrible things I had gone through because of Hydra, Alexander, and everything that had happened with Adam…I was just grateful that those were all starting to become distant memories that I could leave behind me now. I was finally starting to feel like my new life was starting. And despite the fact that I might still have bad dreams, and constant crippling memories, I knew that everything was going to be okay.

           I felt James start to stir lightly in between the sheets next to me, and I could hear his breathing start to pick up. He was probably having another nightmare. They happened pretty often, sometimes more than once in a night. I didn’t mind waking up with him. Staying up through the night, soothing his panic attacks, spending the rest of the night with our limbs wrapped up around each other’s to the point where I barely knew where his started and mine stopped. As long as we had one another we knew how to turn shitty situations into sweet moments.

           “Soldier.” I chimed softly, resting my hand on his cheek. I never wanted to jolt him awake, so trying a soft approach was always better.

           He didn’t respond. Instead, things got a lot more intense. His face was pressed against his pillow, and his hands gripped on to it harder and harder.

           “James?” I said, a little bit louder. I hated seeing him in that kind of state.

           “No. No, stop.” he mumbled. His breathing picking up even more, as he clenched his jaw making the vein above his temple become more and more prominent.

           “James, wake up.” My words becoming a little firmer as he clenched on harder and harder, and his pleas against whatever was happening became more and more desperate. He looked so troubled, I wish I could have known what was going on.

           Finally, he shot up. He was awake, but breathless. He looked around the room seeming confused.

           “Hey, are you okay?” I asked moving over to his side, resting my chin on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything. But I could feel him start to relax as I lightly drew patterns along his shoulder with my fingers. Something Adam used to do with me whenever I was panicked. He sat there in silence, processing his surroundings. Processing me at his side.

           After a good few minutes of sitting up, I guided him back down with his head resting in the crook if my neck without one single word spoken between us. His breaths still a little shaky, but a little bit better than before.

           “Scarlette…Scar…” His voice trailed off as he repeated my name again and again.

           “What is it?” I whispered. I smiled a little bit in relief that he was calming down and drifting back into sleep, looking and sounding more peaceful in my arms.

           “Scar…I love you.” He slurred against my neck.

           It felt like my heart stopped for a moment. I wasn’t sure if I had just made it all up in my head. But I was pretty sure it was real.

           I turned over to my side, this time resting my forehead against the crook of his neck, and with his arms around me. He gripped onto me a little tighter, telling me that he was still somewhat awake. So, I finally allowed myself to let go and say the words that I was so afraid to admit to him, and sometimes myself.

           “I love you too.”

Tags: @fantasticimpaladoctor @a-heart-attack-ow