#ahsoka and rex are best bros i will FIGHT you on this

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

An episode/fic of Clone Wars I wish we'd gotten

(Inspired by a post made by @angelsaxis )

TW: Sexual assault/harassment, in-universe racism? (against clones:( )

I don't know the reason so don’t ask

But Rex, Ahsoka, and Anakin have to go to some fancy ass gala on Coruscant

(Maybe to celebrate a victory? The Chancellor is trying to encourage hubris in Anakin, but that almost backfires when he INSISTS that his Padawan and Captain are invited as well because they were Instrumental in said victory).

Ahsoka and Rex reeeeaaaaally don’t wanna go, Anakin makes them because he doesn’t understand why, until afterwards.

The actual party should only be the first 5 minutes or so of the episode, all we see is Anakin having a great time, regaling an attentive audience with many (exaggerated) stories of his heroics

We see shots of Ahsoka and Rex both looking very uncomfortable and unhappy at the edge of the crowd, maybe involved in some uncomfy looking conversations, always keeping an eye on each other and trying not to get too separated. They make each other feel safe.

Maybe it's on the journey back to their temporary accommodation? A hotel or something? I dunno

Maybe it's not until they get back to said accommodation

Rex and Ahsoka are still close together (even though it's only the 3 of them now) looking drained and unhappy, Anakin sat opposite them telling them how much everyone loved him, how it was so nice to be appreciated and get to relax for once

"So, how was it for you guys? I told you it wouldn't be so bad, though I barely saw you the whole night. Off telling stories of your own?"

Rex looks at the floor and we hear a muttered "It went about the same as I'd expected actually"

Ahsoka manages to look Anakin in the eye but only briefly before gazing out the window "You should have let us stay here Master Skywalker."

(That's odd in itself, they've been together for a while now, and Ahsoka NEVER calls him Master Skywalker. Occasionally 'Master' on it's own, but never his full title, its faaaar too formal for the brother/sister relationship they have at this point. Its normally just Skyguy.)

Anakin’s face falls, I can imagine him actually getting kinda annoyed at this point. Because they never usually get opportunities like this?? They got to dress up and be people instead of soldiers? They were being celebrated?? Why aren't they being grateful for this honour?

"Fine then. Why was it so terrible?? I'm dying to know Snips, Rex."

I don’t know who goes first. Maybe Rex? Because he had been watching what had been happening to Ahsoka all night and he did as much as could to protect her but he was Just a Clone. He figures she probably doesn't wanna talk about it to her Master, and he feels the need to protect her now that he's actually in a position to do so (even though she also spent the whole night trying to protect him).

So half the episode is focused on Rex. Telling Anakin what had happened to him over the course of the party, how no one respected Clones. He can't count the number of times he heard the phrase "just a clone" over the last few hours, he lost count after the first 30 minutes.

We see flashbacks of people asking insensitive questions, asking if clones feel pain, if he felt any emotion at all, being referred to as "It", and even "cannon fodder" by a particularly cruel senator.

(We see Ahsoka start to get angry in his place, about to yell at the senators and representatives, but Rex holds her back subtly, and the flashback fades before we hear her say anything. It's important to show the audience that Ahsoka was there, and defending him, but not the point of the story.)

We see him have to smile through conversations as he explains to Anakin that "I couldn't have retaliated, I couldn't Do Anything. They already saw me as Just A Clone, so they weren't exactly gonna ascribe any importance to what I had to say. And if I retaliated? All it would have done is confirm every bad thing they thought about me and my brothers, and then the next clone that comes along gets treated even worse than me."

He's clenching his fists and he hasn't looked up since he first started talking. At some point over the (very one sided, as soon as he noticed how genuinely distressed Rex looked, Anakin resigned himself to listening and not interrupting) conversation, Ahsoka had put a hand on his shoulder

Maybe Anakin makes a mental note, Rex is usually NOT a touchy person, but if he's allowing (and leaning into) physical comfort?? He must be pretty distressed.

(Before ya’ll get excited. This is NOT Ahsoka/Rex. They're just bros)

Maybe another couple of flashbacks, someone "jokingly" saying they don't know why Rex is being honoured, the mission only succeeded because he followed the orders of his Jedi, like he was meant to, he was just there to execute the vision of a higher lifeform, and had nothing to do with the actual victory.

At "higher lifeform" Ahsoka clenches her teeth, and the hand on Rex's shoulder tightens

At "higher lifeform" Anakin shouts, the first time he's made a noise since Rex first started talking:

"What? That's so ridiculous!! These guys know that you save my ass more than I save yours right?? And that you come up with at least half of the tactics we use??"

"Respectfully sir, they don't. And this is.... pretty normal actually. Like I said, the gala went exactly as I expected it to. The only people to really interact with the clones consistently are the Jedi. Pretty much everyone else thinks we're... things. Like droids."

Anakin looks very much defeated at this, slumping in his seat. He hadn't really thought about it before, the clones are a part of his life, they're his friends, they have names and favourite colours and opinions and ideas better than his sometimes (most of the time). The idea that the rest of the galaxy doesn't see them that way is... odd, and very much heartbreaking to him.

Rex goes on, he's thinking at this point that if he's gonna explain, he should explain fully

"One of them even..." he sighs. Clenches his hand. Coughs. Turns a little red, and looks away, even further from eye contact than he was before. "One of them quite forcefully requested I.... serviced him. "You're just a clone" he said. Apparently that means that's my duty or something. Especially since I don't feel anything, physically Or emotionally. Ahsoka saved me from that one."

(Maybe at that he and Ahsoka make brief eye contact, nodding at each other, Rex giving the hand on his shoulder a little pat, before she turns her head away again. Her hand remains.)

Anakin is fuckin Furious at this. He stands suddenly and starts pacing, he keeps going to say something and realise he doesn’t have the words. The Darth Vader theme plays briefly before he stops and sags. Sits back in his chair, looking at the floor,

He knows there's no point ranting or raving, Rex and Ahsoka don't need to hear what he thinks of it because they think the same, and he's starting to realise that it would be cruel to extend this part of the conversation any longer.

Quietly, "I'm sorry, Rex. I had no idea that not everyone sees you and your brothers the way I do. I'm really sorry."

Maybe that makes Rex smile a bit. He KNOWS he's friends with his general, but after such a shitty night, it's nice to be reminded

"It's alright sir. There's nothing you could've done about it anyway, nothing's gonna change the minds of that kind people. I know what me and my brothers do is important, and we know what we fight for."

Anakin seems to regain his anger at this a bit

"Yeah but Everyone Else should know as well!! It's their ungrateful asses that you're-"

Rex cuts him off with "I know sir, it's fine, really. Besides, it coulda been a lot worse."

Anakin sits back at this, it hadn't been said, it hadn't even been implied, to be honest Rex had been trying to keep the attention on him, but the "a lot worse" had reminded Anakin that Ahsoka has been very,,,, subdued through all of this. Her hand remains on Rex's shoulder, and she's obviously been listening, going by her small movements and barely-there facial expressions (she had witnessed all of this after all), but still, she stared out the window.

Rex notices that Anakin’s attention has shifted and

"It's late sir, let's just forget it and head to-"

"Snips?" Anakin interrupts him

She sighs, looks at Rex, nodding slightly. She knows he would've stood up to the general if she'd wanted him to, at the smallest shake of her head he would've demanded that it really was too late. That the two of them had an early briefing, that they needed to head to bed.

But she figures Rex has told his half. Now it's her turn. The next half of the episode is Ahsoka's explanation.

At her nod, Rex takes the hand that had been on his shoulder and holds it between his own, loosely, she could pull away anytime she wanted and it would look natural, but she had helped him through his explanation, it's time for him to help Ahsoka through hers. His turn to gaze out the window, paying attention, but not wanting the eye contact.

While Rex had been sorta hesitant, Ahsoka jumps right into it. She's angry but she's resigned, and she's been dealing with this practically her whole life (whenever she left the temple, anyway). If her master, who was practically her big brother at this point, didn't understand, or brushed it off like so many others had, then he simply wasn't worth the respect she originally thought

(which was what she was scared of I suppose. That Anakin would be like everyone else.)

She holds her head up high and looks Anakin directly in the eyes, her face neutral, but hardened, hoping for the best, but expecting the norm:

"I'm a young woman master. Who is also a Jedi, who is also a commander in the Grand Republic Army. People don't like that."

At this we see flashbacks of conversations where Ahsoka gets spoken over, politicians who have never even touched a blaster, trying (and failing terribly, unknown to them) to explain battle tactics to her. Men calling her "sweetheart" and "girl", condescendingly asking about broken nails and makeup and clothes.

She tells the story of a particular representative asking what it was like to "watch the great Jedi at work, whilst she twiddled her tails in the background?"

At this Anakin is once again furious:

"The plan was your idea!! We would've been Screwed if you hadn't been right in the middle of it shouting orders!! You told them that right??"

She responds swiftly, her tone biting:

"And what do you think would've happened if I had? What exactly, Master, do you think I could've said in that moment, to change their minds? To alter a lifetime of thinking like that? They think I'm a child. They think I'm a weak little girl who's far too stupid to know how to put on my own clothes, let alone come up with complex battle tactics on the spot, in the middle of a firefight. There's no changing their minds"

Anakin clenched his teeth, he really has no response. What could she say? Nothing that wouldn't get her laughed at even more

"But it's fine. I'm used to being underestimated. I'm small and I'm young (I'm gonna say this is late in the series, Ahsoka is 17ish, still young, but not a child) and I'm a girl. Hell, YOU underestimated me when we first met."

(Anakin cringed slightly at that, he doesn't think about their first meeting often, but up until now he'd thought about it with fondness, now he thinks about how annoying it must have been for Ahsoka, to once again be underestimated by someone only a few years older than her.)

"It's fine. It's not like I'll ever meet these people on the battlefield. And if I do? I'll have them beat before they have even a second, to laugh at me."

At this she looks down, and her voice drops, likes she's talking to herself, rather than her master. He hears it anyway.

Next time she speaks, her voice raises in volume once again, back to normal, but she keeps her eyes on the floor. Her feet shuffle slightly, and her hand visibly tightens in Rex's, searching for comfort (he provides without a split second of hesitation, squeezing in return)

This worries Anakin, Ahsoka, whilst very physically affectionate, was NOT one to seek comfort, or burden others with her problems. So he sits and listens, quietly thinking that the worst is yet to come (he's right).

"That wasn't even the worst part. I'm used to it. I mean I'm used to the rest as well but it's just so much worse in a crowded party and everyone had had a few drinks so it was even worse and I just wasn't-"

"Snips?" His voice is quiet, she was breathing deeply, and her hand gripped Rex's increasingly tight. Her eyes were widening, and she looked a little panicked.

At his quiet reminder that he was there, and everything was calm and quiet and OK, she relaxed. She took a deep breath and relaxed her hand in Rex's (though didn't let go) but she still doesn't look up

"Like I said before, I'm a young woman. Wearing the only dress I have, at a crowded party full of drunk politicians who always get what they want. It was a little... handsy... in there. People think they can take what they want. I didn't drink anything the whole night because I was scared to go to the washroom alone, it wasn't like Rex could come with me. I almost overheated because I was scared to go out into the balcony alone. We tried to find you at one point but..."

She hesitates at this. Rex is visibly angry, eyes furrowed, glaring out the window, but not Once, does he release, or tighten, his hold on Ahsoka’s hand.

(I just want this to be really emotional ya’ll. I need my bros being bros and protecting each other, but also the reality of 20ish year old Anakin, the chosen boy who was also buds with the Chancellor himself, to not understand (but desperately Want to) Rex's and Ahsoka’s troubles).

"But?" Anakin prompts. He is unimaginably furious at this point, not even trying to hide it on his face, but being gentle with his words and actions, he's gotten a lot better at controlling himself and he KNOWS that Ahsoka is not the one who deserves to meet the other end of his anger right now

"The group of guys you were with, telling some story about man eating plants to. They had already mentioned that they were gonna try find me after the party for a... "little fun" they said. And they had been the... touchiest... of all. I didn't wanna encourage them or anything so, we went to the other side of the room and just waited it out for the rest of the night."

I can imagine her voice sort of trailing off at the end there. Maybe in the beginning montage we see Anakin telling said story to said group of guys? But this time we see it further zoomed out? Anakin and the group just in the background, with Ahsoka in front looking kinda scared but mostly uncomfortable? And Rex by her her side looking angry? Before they turn and walk in the opposite direction.

That's the end of her story, her recount of the marvellous party they'd just got home from, and she sort of deflates as she realises what she's just talked about. It's normal for her, but it's not something she was ever planning on having a conversations about, least of all with her Jedi Master.

When Anakin realises she's finished, his hand sparks, and he looks down in surprise, to realise that he's clenched it so hard that he's damaged the wiring without noticing. It's fine for now, but he'll need to get it checked out at some point in the next couple of days.

But overall, that does nothing to calm him down. He's in a range of anger that he's never been before. So powerful that even Rex can feel it, despite him not having a lick of force sensitivity.

(The next day, Anakin receives a transmission from an off-world Obi-Wan, asking if he's alright, because he'd felt something strong, and bad, and he's sure he's just being paranoid but wanted to check in, just in case)

So Anakin is quiet, and still, but breathing deeply and clenching his hands and jaw, and how dare they? How dare people talk to his captain like that and how dare they underestimate his Padawan and how Dare they lay a hand on her? How DARE they talk to him about what a smart and capable pupil he had, moments after treating her like an object to be played with? How DARE they??

He forces out a breathy "Ahsoka I am... so sorry. I had no idea it was that bad. I mean Padme has mentioned a few things before but you're just a kid, I mean you're a Commander, I guess I thought everyone took that at face value and gave you the respect you deserved. I'm so sorry that I was wrong about that."

He's more sad, than angry at this point, looking up at Ahsoka. She slowly raises her eyes to his, a small smile on her face, all three have tears in their eyes. For Ahsoka and Rex, it's from a slow build up of stress and fear and annoyance and offense and resignation, over the last few hours. For Anakin, it's the sudden realization that people he cares very deeply for, are being treated this terribly, right in front of him, and he hadn't noticed it, and it had been happening so long, that they were resigned to it.

(No one notices the slip up when Anakin had said "Padme", or if they did, no one mentioned it.)

Maybe the episode ends there? Maybe it ends with a flash forward to Anakin scaring the shit out of those guys (with the Vader theme playing of course)? Maybe it ends with them all going to bed? Maybe they all fall asleep on the same sofa? Ahsoka and Rex kinda still need a comforting hand, and Anakin never wants to leave them alone again.

But we know, through flashforwards, or implications in future episodes, that Anakin talks to Padme about moving for legislation that protects the rights of the Clones. And that every chance he gets, Anakin forcefully talks about his confidence in his Padawan, how She regularly outsmarts him and saves his life, about how she is a wonderful learner, fighter, and tactician, and the army would be in bits without her (and his Clone Captain).

~

I dunno man. This is super heavy. But I just really wanna read something where Anakin, young, humanoid (is that what they call it in star wars? I've no clue), chosen one, friends-with-the-actual-godman-Chancellor, Anakin, realises that life is VERY different for his Padawan and the clones. Yeah, when it comes to BIG things like the war, and the council, and his marriage, he experiences a lot of shit, and has big problems. But in the small everyday life he has between the war, he's got it very easy, in a way that the other two don't. I also think it could add to the reason he fell to the dark side. No one can be stupid and judgemental to people HE cares about if HE is in charge, building a new empire in exactly the way he wants it to be.

I'm shitty at writing so if anyone wants to like,,,, turn this into an actual fic, credit and tag me lol

[growup-thatbeautiful]

Clone Wars Character on TikTok

Anakin- Poor Anakin, man does not have a that many creative ideas, but his life and ideas are strange enough that he gets a lot of followers easily. He’s also almost constantly videoing things too, so he’s able to get real time. There are so so many videos showing the reactions that Obi-Wan has because of his dumbass plans.

Everyone, literally everyone, thought he was an f-boy until he made a post, super confused, saying that he has a wife?? That he loves so much? So, coincidentally, the next videos he posts are him and his wife, who doesn’t show her face but there’s a poll going on about who it is. Most people have figured it, though, because some of his videos are him just listening to Mrs. Skywalker rant about people in the Senate when she comes home to him.

He also tries to convince everyone that he’s the best husband in the world by videoing himself cooking her dinner, which he always burns. In those videos, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, staples on Anakin’s account, are heard in the background giving him absolutely terrible advice on how to fix it. They usually end up with burnt pans and a whole bunch of frantic clips of Obi-Wan trying to turn off the oven, “My dear, your time is up.” And Anakin in the background “Force, that’s not going to kriffing work, Master. I’m coming in with the water gun.” (No one questions why there’s a water gun.) Ahsoka is just….chilling in the background. She’s just as clueless as the rest of them, but it’s funnier to watch them almost burn down Padame’s kitchen before she tries to step in and make things worse.

Ahsoka-Her feed is a more controlled chaos than Anakin’s, but chaos nonetheless. She does a lot of dance challenges with Fives, and is sometimes able to rope in Anakin, who tries really hard but is terrible at it, and Rex, who doesn’t actually dance and just stands there staring at the camera. There was one time she got Obi-Wan to do it with her, and he absolutely crushed it. All that grace has to help him somewhere else, right? Because she does dance videos, though, sometimes she get inappropriate comments or duets, which Rex, Obi-Wan, Plo, Fives, and Anakin all duet or make a video about explaining that she’s a minor and how unacceptable this is. Well, that’s what every but Rex does. Rex won’t let anyone, anyone, talk to his little sister like that, so he makes a super menacing video of him cleaning his guns.

Needless to say, she does a lot of videos with Rex. They do a lot of random videos of their conversations and pointless arguments. They also do so a lot of competitions with each other, rather it’s staring contests or sparring matches. Their sparring match videos are actually super popular, and they get more and more intense and complicated as they go on. There are never any weapons involved, but they get to show off combat skills and have huge fights across the ship or compound. Their usually filmed by a hysterical Anakin or Fives. Obi-Wan has made his disapproval clear, but there’s a video on Ahsoka’s account of him betting on the outcome.

Obi-Wan- Mostly on Cottagecore TikTok and posts aesthetic videos of him meditating, making fancy, pretty tea drinks, or any other mundane thing he does. He also posts self-defense videos to teach people how to protect themselves, and gives tips of how to use the force and how to help meditate. I think he posts once a week, but posts a bunch at one time because he’ll have one day of silence where he can get stuff for himself done. Basically, his account is to comfort people, to help people, in perfect Obi-Wan fashion.

He also posts encouraging videos to cheer people up when they need it. Cute messages like “Today’s going to be a good day” with that award winning Negotiator smile that get galaxy wide comments and duets. Sometimes the messages border on him illegally sharing decisions that the Senate’s made, like when he announced on his feed that a certain Planet should get ready to party because a certain vote had gone a certain way.

Sometimes, though, he posts videos of Ahsoka, Anakin, or Cody doing incredibly stupid things. It’s become a series, he shows the person do or say the stupidest things, and then he zooms in on someone else’s face. The most common duo is Anakin and Rex, but sometimes there’s Waxer and Cody, once or twice, Obi-Wan and Cody.

Rex- He doesn’t post a lot, and when he does he’s usually not really in them. People only know him specifically because he’s in so many of Ahsoka’s videos. His are mostly “the stuff I have to deal with videos” showing petty fights between some of the 501st or some animal that a soldier decided they wanted to sneak into the ship. That, of course, lead to a blowup on his account, so he started posting lots of content with his brothers. Ahsoka has the notion that he’s doing it to help the way people see Clones, but he does seem to enjoy it a lot.

He, like Obi-Wan, posts hand to hand combat training video to help people in the galaxy, put his training to more use. He makes sure to show how to hold your first in a punch, how to safely clean a blaster, how to take a punch. Some of his posts are to teach people about clones and mando’a traditions. But he’s not all serious. He likes making videos of him and his brothers when they go out to do things for fun or they go out to 79’s.

This one might be a bit far fetched, but I think he would also post videos of him and Ahsoka doing mundane things together, repainting their armour, making bracelets or some stuff on the floors of the bunks during hyperspace. It’s calmer than what Ahsoka posts, and purposely so.

Fives-Oh man. Fives’ account is a wreck. Half of the videos are him running away from something he’s done and the other half are him running into things that he shouldn’t about to be doing. Shakily filmed, someone (usually himself) screaming in the background, you can hear him panting and out of breath. A lot of the times Anakin is with him or chasing after him, and as you can almost always hear Rex cursing and yelling at them to stop, especially if they haven’t done the thing yet because that means they have a plan. When Fives has a plan it ends up being worse than when he makes it up on the spot. 

He also posts videos of him giving people in the streets compliments, because he’s sweet like that. He usually gets pretty funny reactions most of the time, and the few times they’re bad reactions he simply flips the camera and grimaces, then, of course, starts laughing because he’s not going to let one person put him down.

He also has a series of him painting the Bi flag all over the ship and waiting to see people’s reactions. The cutest was that one time Ahsoka walked past and ran her fingers along it softly and smiling. Also notable was the time Obi-Wan caught him midway through and just pretended he didn’t see him. All of those are posted with the persons permission, of course.

Aayla and Bly- They share an account where they do ALL of the couple-y stuff. Any couples challenge that they’re asked to do, they do. It’s hard to do the challenges like “You could’ve been nicer to me today” because they’re both on it all the time and have definitely heard of it, but they make do with all kinds of others. Aayla and Bly are definitely one of those couples that adopts all the kids that follow their account, and they’re ready to fight anyone who says anything bad the Clones or the Jedi.

There’s also a large amount of videos that some of the 327th takes of them cuddling together, training together, polishing weapons together. Basically, their account is them being cute and the rest of the 327th either being incredibly supportive of them or gagging at all the PDA. They start a trend where they go up in front of random people around the ship and start making out to get the reaction. Some examples of the best reactions are franticly running outside of the room, slapping Bly across the back of the head, and wild cheering.

Cody: You’re kidding, right? He does not have time to do the TikTok, nor does he understand TikTok at all. He is in most of Obi-Wan’s videos, and he’s sometimes in Rex’s too. Most of the time he’s telling all of them not to do whatever they’re about to do, or he’s sitting on the floor and crying with Rex.

Anakin actually started making videos called “When you see your dad and your other dad be romantic.” Where it’s just him finding Obi-Wan and Cody doing cute things in random places, followed by Anakin or Ahsoka making faces at the camera.

Plo- Parent side of TikTok for sure. His account features so many, so many, videos of him doing fun things with the 104th. He may seem like an extremely serious man, but put him with all of his kids and has almost no impulse control. They ask to stop at that restaurant they saw on the way to their mission, and he makes it happen. Everyone pretends not to notice because they wouldn’t dare go against him.

This account is also mostly run by everyone in the 104th because A. Plo doesn’t have a password and B. That’s how they get a bunch of footage. The phone is passed around throughout the day, but all of the content focuses on the Plo’s Bros relationships. Anything that he does, from giving a shiny a thumbs up when he comes up with a new plan, to teaching some of the older clones who are a little overworked how to take deep breaths. All the followers also a learn the Plo is absolutely terrible at any kind of card games, which is shown when they post video after video of the bets he looses.

Next for Star Wars I’ll be doing Bad Batch, then, because this got so long, I’ll do one with some more characters! Sorry it’s so long, this ran away from me a bit.

Some clone wars beautiful mutuals @radbatch (Who is the absolute best person to talk to about Ahsoka ever period end of story) of course and @maiseey (Who is now my my mutual? How?)

[incorrectclonewars]

DARTH VADER FOR THE CHARACTER THINGY

give me a character and i’ll answer

do I like them: kinda? like he’s a cool villain, but knowing it’s anakin makes me sad.

5 good qualities: intelligence, doesn’t fuck around, dramatic (it’s hilarious), driven, resourceful.

3 bad qualities: angry all the time, kills almost anyone, always extreme measures.

favourite episode/etc: twilight of the apprentice part 2. his reunion with ahsoka and them fighting made me so emotional, like bro that’s your baby sister, wtf are you doing?! THEN we hear anakin and actually see a glimpse of him when ahsoka says that she won’t leave him again 😭. 

otp: vaderdala (i think that’s their ship name??)

brotp: vader & ahsoka/fulcrum, vader & maul.

ot3: vader & padme & ahsoka, vader & ahsoka & rex, vader & ahsoka & maul.

notp: vader x ahsoka & vader x fulcrum & vader x obi-wan.

best quote: “be careful not to choke on your aspirations, director.” the line made me laugh and then sad because ahsoka said a very similar thing to lux, and i can imagine her telling anakin this and he said he would use it later - and this was it.

head canon: when ahsoka said that she wouldn’t leave him, he wanted her back and by his side like she did with anakin. but knew that sidious would most likely kill her, and because of her he told her that she would die - and better by his hands then sidious.

[ayo-cowbelly]

if star wars was twilight

i recently rewatched twilight because *halloween* (even though bella infuriates me to no end, i still watch it) and this has been in my head for days

the jedi / clones are the vampires and the sith are the werewolves

so anakin is bella

he’s the new kid in town who looks at all this supernatural shit like “wOah” and wants more than he has

instead of wanting to be a master, he wants to be turned into a vampire so he can be sparkly and immortal and shit

he’s also whiny

and like. kinda a dick to his struggling dad.

instead of being turned into a sith lord, he turns into a vampire and fucks off and doesn’t talk to his old friends anymore

obi wan is charlie

he’s trying his best

please let him sleep

one day he was vibing and suddenly he’s in charge of this angsty teen who keeps disappearing

it’s awkward

then one day he gets home from work and anakin/bella has disappeared and they’re saying it’s because he’s “sick” but obi wan knows some shit has gone down

then suddenly this werewolf shows up like “hey look i’m a giant dog” and obi wan is like WHAT THE FU-

ahsoka is alice

she’s all peppy despite the world being a low key shit show

she just kinda shows up with some remark, in places she... wasn’t expected to be in, and everyone just kinda goes with it

she cheers up anakin/bella and stops him from being the most awkward person you’ve ever met

rex is jasper (minus the romance)

he just kinda is there, he’s vibing, he’s not really in control of his life but whatever

he was... kinda involved in the civil war, he was manipulated into fighting for the wrong team, but they don’t talk about that

he’s just floating along, trying to get through life

mace windu is rosalie

(now i don’t mean this in a bashing mace kinda way) but like. anakin is not his favorite person in the coven.

everytime anakin shows up to hangout he’s like “oh it’s you” *intense side eye*

probably throws around some passive aggressive remarks also

the italian dinner scene in the first movie but instead of breaking the glass bowl, mace just sighs heavily and glares at them all

qui gon is edward (no romance)

he’s edward because he’s the one who dragged anakin into all this supernatural shit

he’s like “yeah i’ll break the ancient rules for you, whatever, come meet the fam”

he’s kinda weird too and does some *questionable* things and you like him but at the same time, you low key hate him

plo koon is carlisle

he’s got the dad energy

he liked anakin from day one

he also found ahsoka / alice in both universes (star wars or twilight) so it works

okay technically carlisle wasn’t the one who found alice, she found them, but whatever just go with it

there are two options for emmett (again, no romance): either quinlan, cause he’s the chaotic stoner best friend, or fives because, i mean, it’s fives and fives has SUCH emmett energy

i guess wolffe is esme

protective

besties with plo

except i guess here he’s a bit less friendly than esme actually is, because it’s wolffe and all 

palpatine is jacob (no romance because that is a CURSED concept if anakin is bella)

basically the whole time he’s like “come join me, you’d be so much happier over here, the vampires suck, come hang with us”

he tries to bribe anakin through the power of emily’s muffins and... jean shorts? idk

ventress is seth

because i love seth and i love ventress

seth is baby

ventress is the baby sith

definitely deserves better than this group of weirdos but she sticks with them anyway

she’s kinda friends with the jedi / vampires, they’re frenemies

it works

i guess that makes dooku leah

he’s just like “shut UP seth/ventress” the whole time but is also protective over her cause that’s his sister

doesn’t really get along with jacob / palpatine but, i mean, considering who else is in this group, who else is he gonna hang out with

plus the other werewolves / sith shun him because he used to be a jedi (instead of leah being sam’s ex like in twilight) so it’s all awkward

maul is victoria

he just shows up, hating them all, then gets his ass kicked

he doesn’t like the werewolves because they killed his friends

he doesn’t like the jedi / vampires because they also fucked his life up

he just doesn’t like anyone

maybe the kaminoans are the volturi

for the sole reason of being the reason a lot of this vampire bullshit happens in the first place 

padme is jessica

because she likes anakin but is also like “you okay bro?”

shes friends with him but also is kinda wondering what his deal is

you kinda feel bad for her

shes also a queen

cody is billy black

not because he likes the werewolves

but because he’s best friends with obi wan / charlie

[halzore]

Top 5 clones go!

Hmmm ...... hello ..... anon. I see you 🙂

Jesus tho. This is an actual very difficult question. But I’ll answer as best I can

Oh my. This is like picking between my favourite pair of shoes. Different horses for different courses.

This isn’t going to be ordered because I can’t bear to betray any of my genetically identical boys. But I’ll put five favourites and reasons why. And hopefully she’d some light on the dog fight currently going on inside my skull

Rex - I just love that man bro. Like fully just is a tired parent to an angsty twenty something and overenergetic tween. He is very reliable and I reckon could read literally anyone like a book. Even tho he is awkward asf. And like definitely was my first clone that I was like YEHAW. but just perfect bumbling but capable big bro energy. Hence why he is on the list

Tup - I dunno dude. He just seems really chill. Someone I’d hang with and be cool with. He has nice hair and just would be very stylish I think. I reckon really quiet but also thoughtful which just makes me smile because they are my fave people

Jesse - would absolutely get hammered and flirt with girls with me. Which I love. But I also just love how he is a loyal bastard who will literally defend his peeps with valour, but will whine about then to them because he literally a big baby. But if the time comes he can step up like the big boy I know he can be

Echo - soft bean. Would give great hugs but could also get down for a cheeky prank or two. I reckon echo knows how to let people speak and would be good at listening. Plus he is just the coolest. And a sneaky little bitch who just sasses everyone. I just love him

Wolffe - grumpy man make my heart go brrrrr. Like he is so grumpy. Would be an asshole to work with for a bit. Until you were like part of his gang. And then he would definitely kill for you. I just also reckon he gives the best hugs. And I love a good bitch too. So there is that. I spiritually relate to that man

I can’t quite pick 5 that I can give a good lil explanation for. But here have some honourable mentions. That are all tied

(Hunter, Cody and Fives)

STUFF IT

My fifth favourite clone is ahsoka

Let’s be real she is one of the fam. And absolutely inspired me to the nines and I love her so much. And literally is the coolest in the 501st.

[anakin-skybreaker]

A Brief Analysis of Clone Wars Characters Via Knights Radiant Orders

Ahsoka Tano:

It’s been stated that the Edgedancers are the most religious of the Knights Radiant orders. Faith, I believe, is a cornerstone of Ahsoka’s character; faith in the Jedi Order, losing that faith and gaining it in herself, not to mention her faith in Anakin.

A good chunk of her character arc is centered around the common man, learning the plights of the disenfranchised and living up to what the majority of people believe Jedi to stand for without the restrictions of political alignments. Edgedancer ideals fit Ahsoka’s overall arc.

Second Ideal: “I will remember those who have been forgotten.”

Third Ideal: “I will listen to those who have been ignored.”

Edgedancers have the ability to ignore friction which I feel would be well-suited to Ahsoka’s fighting style.

“...they were elegant things of beauty. They could ride the thinnest rope at speed, dance across rooftops, move through a battlefield like a ribbon on the wind.” – Edgedancer, page 4.

“When Simol was informed of the arrival of the Edgedancers, a concealed consternation and terror, as is common in such cases, fell upon him; although they were not the most demanding of orders, their graceful, limber movements hid a deadliness that was, by this time, quite renowned…” – Words of Radiance, page 20.

Captain Rex:

This might be a controversial choice considering what we know of clones, but Rex is a bondsmith. Sure Honor is a whole, veritable, god on Roshar but Rex is a bondsmith and you can pry that from my cold dead hands.

What do I have for evidence of this? Why, the Second Ideal of course.

“I unite instead of divide. I will bring men together.”

Rex watching his brothers being forced to break their oaths of honor and kill their spren all for Palpatine’s agenda. That hits different, bro.

Honestly, I don’t think I need to go any further but for the sake of it I will.

Having a clone, who many consider to be less than, climb the ranks and become a must in terms on long term warfare just feels good. Long story short, Rex is irreplaceable and he deserves an order which maximizes how irreplaceable he truly is.

Commander Cody:

Here we have our first windrunner proper.

Cody is a good man, a loyal man, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t suffer the same ideological differences and hypocrises that plague the Republic. The side he serves condemns slavery and yet he himself and his millions of brothers are a slaves. He is a tool for war yet trying to bring peace. He fights to end the war and yet the Republic refuses to open peace talks. 

He’d be the closest to Kaladin, in terms of practically everything; Cody is a child of Honor.

Cody knows how the universe works so he settles on his own code of honor. He will protect those who cannot protect themselves, regardless of his personal feelings toward them. He knows he can’t save everyone, but what’s most important is that he try. Somebody needs to.

Padme Amidala:

Like Rex, Padme would be well-suited to the bondsmiths. She aims to unite instead of divide. But given her role in TCW, however, and her role as the one who steps up to call out people and be the one to spend her life trying to better society, Padme is an elsecaller.

She’s a diplomat at heart, individualistic and esoteric. Padme follows her own logic and goes out on the front line when she deems it necessary. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what Anakin or the Jedi or the Republic says, Padme abides by her own moral compass and what makes sense to her.

“...the Elsecallers were prodigiously benevolent, allowing others as auxiliary to their visits and interactions; though they never did relinquish their place as prime liaisons with the great ones of the spren…”

She is a senator who creates connections between peoples.

Queen Padme Amidala and Queen Jasnah Kholin, while having a lot of political differences and different approaches to warfare, would get along famously.

Padme contributes to the war effort by soulcasting food, medicine, and other necessary materials.

Anakin Skywalker:

Here’s where things get complicated.

If we’re going purely by plot, then Anakin is a skybreaker since that is one of the only orders that suit his personality which would still allow him to “fall to the dark side” while maintaining his oaths.

Also, I’m not going to slide past it. My URL is anakin-skybreaker for fuck’s sake. It would be a crime against nature for a man named Skywalker not to have gravitation manipulation like come on, he was born to fly. 

It’s just too good, too fitting. I can also see Anakin saying some variant of Kaladin’s line in Words of Radiance, but during a version of the Rako Hardeen arc. “You sent him to the sky to die, assassin, but the sky and winds are mine. I claim them, as I now claim your life.” Though entirely separate, the two have roughly the same amount of melodramatic entrances.

On the other hand, if we’re going for what’s best for Anakin as a person then he’d be either a windrunner or a dustbringer (releaser). The Fourth windrunner ideal says more than I ever could. “I accept that there will be those I cannot save.” Anakin is fueled by ambition so there’s no way he wouldn’t make it to the fourth ideal and then be forced to come to terms with himself and his fears or risk stagnation (or worse breaking his oaths and killing his spren).

As a dustbringer, Anakin would be taught how to control and channel his destructive/violent impulses. Dustbringers get a bad reputation because of their capabilities for mass destruction and because of that shared prejudice, I feel that might help Anakin settle in even quicker than he would in the other orders. Like if he were a windrunner, Anakin would be forced to confront aspects of his personality and truly learn restrain and responsibility.

“Most Dustbringers were tinkers who liked to take things apart to see how they work.”

Dustbringer spren canonically love to break stuff. So, Anakin making friends with a spren that wants him to break stuff because it wants to know what’s inside? 10/10

Obi Wan Kenobi:

A lightweaver in personality and a windrunner in mentality.

It hardly needs saying that Obi Wan is an honorable man. It would come to the point where, even as a renowned lightweaver other people would make comments on it. How he’d be better suited to the windrunners, how “I could’ve sworn you bonded an honorspren” and stuff like that.

Lightweaver ideals are tailored towards the individual, but generally follow the pattern of admitting personal truths. Obi Wan has more than a few truths to admit to himself. He and Anakin would be having an argument, only for his liespren to chime in to call him out going, “mm, lies” and forcing the two to actually talk out their feelings.

He would be Grand Spymaster of the Republic. Obi Wan is already known as the Negotiator, so he’d arrive at the palace of a government he needs to win over for the Republic dressed to the nines, positively glowing, standing at imposing six foot five, where underneath the lightweaving he’s going on three hours of sleep, is wearing yesterday’s clothes, and hasn’t combed his hair in three days.

He’s a lightweaver, but for the life of me I cannot get the image of Windrunner Obi Wan vs. Skybreaker Anakin, battle of Mustafar style, out of my head because the concept of them both being able to control gravity while representing opposite ideologies slaps okay?

Plus, Obi Wan would look immaculate in Kholin blue.

Anakin being busy blowing stuff up, turning canons to dust while Ahsoka skates past him as if solid ground were made of ice cutting through squads of droids while Obi Wan wears the face of the enemy leader and convinces them to surrender? 20/10

Maul:

This one is a lightweaver too and for the same reasons as Obi Wan.

He’s a charismatic bastard and he’d used his abilities to their maximum destructive potential. Just like in Clone Wars, he’d topple governments and overtake civilizations from the inside out. 

Lightweavers are not bound by honor so Maul can pretty much do what he wants so long as he’s able to admit truths about himself. Whether he’s successful in doing so remains to be seen.

An important sidenote, Maul has Nightblood.

Maul would have Nightblood and everybody would be in danger.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

85 Thoughts while watching Return of the Jedi

1. THE HELMETS ARE DUMB

2. I still love the idea that Stormtroopers fucking loved Vader, and all of the commanders were terrified of him. 

3. Vader helmet so shiny.

4. Back on Tatooine. It always comes back to Tatooine, doesn’t it? 

5. 3P0 was so hoping that the door wouldn’t open. He just wanted to go home. 

6. Everyone in Jabba’s palace looks really...gross. I guess that fits, right? Jabba’s palace is super gross, so.

7. I never understood as a child the slavery - and the sex slavery - aspect of Jabba’s palace. Only as an adult have I fully understood just how fucked up this is.

8. Remember kids, Luke has NO IDEA that Anakin was a Hutt slave as a child. Is there any canon stuff where he finds out about that? I’d be interested. 

9. Han’s carbonite face is so fucking dumb. 

10. Man droid torture is no joke. If that’s what they do to droids, think about what they do to people...

11. Oh god, the musical number. Like I thought it was funny when I saw it for the first time when they did the re-releases, but also, it’s this weird dissonance between that and Oola’s death. 

12. Jabba is so much creepier here than in New Hope. 

13. I love all the disguises and subterfuge in the opening storyline. And I love that they took the time to deal with Jabba and the bounty on Han’s head. It’s a nice break from the Galactic War. 

14. I remember watching this for the first time, and when Leia pulls the helmet off and is like “Someone who loves you” I was like OMG! And my shipper heart grew ten times as large.

15. Han is so...moist. Here. Blugh.

16. Ugh. God. Poor Leia. They do a good job of illustrating just how fucking terrible Jabba is, but...god dammit. 

17. Han and Chewie reunion! <3 <3 <3 

18. Luke Skywalker - Jedi Knight. Somewhere Mace Windu is looking at all of Luke’s attachments and impulsive behaviors and dry heaving. 

19. THE BIKINI IS GROSS! The only thing good about it is that Leia will eventually strangle Jabba to death while wearing it. Otherwise? Ugh.

20. Luke Skywalker. Jedi Knight. Fashion icon.

21. I always felt bad for the Rancor’s master. He loved his Rancor. And the Rancor was just as much a slave as any of the people in Jabba’s palace. It was probably only fed when there was a person Jabba wanted to kill so it would be as vicious as possible.

22. This trio is so bad-ass. 

23. Luke knows what the Sarlacc is. 

24. BANTHA HERD! 

25. Ugh. The Dune Sea is really fake-looking here.

26. R2 as waiter makes me so happy. It’s so ridiculous. 

27. “Convenient.” 

28. Anakin Skywalker would be so fucking proud of his daughter strangling Jabba the Hutt to death. It’s everything he ever wanted to do to fucking slavemasters on Tatooine. 

29. “Boba Fett. Boba Fett. WHERE?!” 

30. Per Dettiot: Luke went to Obi-Wan’s old hut on Tatooine and found the handbook to make his lighsaber, as well as some kyber crystals. What else he was up to between Empire and Jedi, I’m not sure.

31. Knee. High. Chanel. Boots. 

32. The sheer utter chaos and destruction would make Anakin Skywalker kvell*. 

33. I don’t know if Yoda considers Luke his friend. More like just another snot-nosed apprentice who will eventually disappoint him. 

34. Leave us alone, Palpatine. What a fucking pruny piece of shit. 

35. Yoda’s death is so bitter-sweet for me. I love Yoda. But he made so many mistakes in his life that he never really owned up to. I suppose he felt that his exile was his penance. But I don’t know if I agree. He could have come out of hiding to aid the Rebellion. 

36. Also, he was planning to die without coming clean to Luke about Vader. And that is some horse shit.

37. “Suffer your father’s fate.” At least he’s admitting that Anakin wasn’t solely to blame. That there was manipulation there. 

38. “I can’t go on alone.” Go find Ahsoka and Ezra! You’re not alone!! 

39. The fact that Obi-Wan truly believed that that Anakin had died and Vader took his place. 

40. Yoda and Obi-Wan never moved on from their trauma. They keep reliving their trauma and so they cannot move forward, and so they keep making the same mistakes over and over. Asking Luke to kill Vader is proof of that. 

41. And it really shows that Obi-Wan, even after his attachments to Satine and Akakin and Ahsoka - does not understand family. Luke saying “I can’t kill my father,” and Obi-Wan being like “Whelp. There’s no other way so the Emperor wins.” 

42. There being no mention of Luke and Leia’s mother ANYWHERE except for the one moment later on, drives me CRAZY. Obi-Wan could have told Luke about Padme then.

43. I love that Han and Leia can sit next to each other in a meeting and not have to have arms wrapped around each other. Just being next to each other is enough.

44. GENERAL SOLO! Leia’s face. “Excuse you, how did you suddenly get hotter?” 

45. The painted backgrounds are so beautiful. 

46. Poncho game is strong in this movie. 

47. FLY CASUAL is such a stupid line. I love it.

48. Skywalker twin exasperation is the best. Padme would be proud. 

49. Leia just going for it is so so good. 

50. I know Ewoks catch a lot of shit for...well..being Ewoks. But I love them. They’re adorable! And they have no qualms about eating humans! 

51. “My Son.” I think this is the first time Vader has referred to Luke as his son to someone who isn’t Luke, instead of the “Son of Skywalker.” 

52.  Watch as we realize that Leia has been holding the one brain cell this entire time, and Han, Luke and Chewie get totally clueless. 

53. PROPER. 

54. I love Ewok tree houses. 

55. Remember kids. They were planning to eat Han, Luke and Chewie. 

56. Where the hell did that dress even come from that Leia is wearing??? They just had that lying around? 

57.  I guess they ate the last woman who wore it.

58. I love that 3P0 in New Hope, claims he’s not much of a storyteller, and then in the Jedi like is like a master storyteller lol. 

59. And here, we get the only mention of Padme. And it wasn’t even Padme. It was a handmaiden. I will forever be salty that Padme isn’t mentioned at all because George didn’t think of her until the prequels. Argh.

60. Luke’s unwavering belief in Anakin is so amazing. The sequels did that part of his character so dirty. This version of Luke would never have tried to kill his nephew. 

61. “It is too late for me.”  God dammit, Anakin. The thing is that if he goes with Luke, he is admitting that everything he has done for the last twenty years is all for nothing, and he just fucking can’t do it. So much denial .So much pain. Fuck you, Vaderkin.

62. EWOK ON A SPEEDER 

63. REX! A REX SIGHTING! YES! 

64. Y’all remember that Ewok movie with the blonde child? “Star cruiser crash!!” 

65. Padme would be so proud of Luke’s fashion.

66. Wedge got promoted! Yay! 

67. I love the old Hollywood trick of shadowing the Emperor’s face except for his eyes. 

68. I just. I love that the Empire is defeated by fucking teddy bears. I know a lot of people hate it, but it’s just- it feels so karmic.  They’ve done such terrible things. And to be taken down by these fuzzy, little bastards. *chef’s kiss* 

69. Palpatine hitting in that nerve that Luke has about his attachments. About his hope. Oof.

70. The entire Vader fight is just him trying not to see how much like Padme Luke is. That’s gotta hurt. 

71. Bro. Vader. You do not want to try shit with Leia. Like. No. Fuck’s sake. Don’t try it. She’ll have all of you arrested and then executed. 

72.  Yes Luke. Thow away that lightsaber. Show that wrinky fuck who’s boss. 

73. I love that Anakin gets to make the right choice here. He does what he didn’t do with Mace. He finally realizes all the lies...all the manipulation...that he can make things different. And he does. And it rightfully costs him his life.

74. Vader couldn’t survive. Vader would have been tried for his crimes and either executed or jailed for the rest of his life. The same thing happened to Ben Solo in the sequels. He had to die. Otherwise he’d have to have a real-world ending: Prison or execution.

75. I feel so sad that Anakin became this fucking horror show of a person. It didn’t have to be this way. Fuck. 

76. “Tell your sister...you were right.” 

77. Oh Han no. No no no. 

78. No Han.

79. HAN. 

80. Han’s face when he finds out Luke is Leia’s brother is hilarious. 

81. I wish that Rex and Ahsoka had been there when Luke burned Anakin’s body. I feel like they needed to, for their own closure. And Luke would have felt like he had people who understood. Who loved and knew Anakin before all of this. 

82. AND NOW WE PARTY! 

83. Let’s eat Stormtrooper! 

84. I am SO MAD that all of this will be undone by the sequel trilogy. Ugh.

85. I want them to refilm Hayden now that he’s just about the age Anakin would have been when he died as a Force ghost. I feel like that would be really nice. 

*Kvell -  Yiddish - to be bursting with pride 

[incorrect-clone-wars-quotes]

oh fuck fuck fuck fuck a duck!!!!!!!!! (7.11 - Shattered)

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how are we feeling today everyone

god this intro gives me chills every time i hate it but it’s so cool

FUCK THIS MUSIC

when is it gonna happen

i have trust issues and i don’t approve of this

yeah get fucked ugly ass

what was his name

it was rlly white like clayton or something

who’s in that ship

who is that

oh fuck!!!!

please do not walk away from maul i DO NOT TRUST HIM

stop talking about satine :((((((

ayyyyyyy

NOPE

HES OFF MURDERING HIS WIFE

why is bo... looking at them like that

ayyyyy

OHHHH NO

OHHHHHH BOYYYY

FUCK!!!!!

ayyyyyy

uhhhh i don’t think that’s gonna happen girl 😳

yeah!! no yoda!!!! no!!!!

he’s not here ayyyyy

he’s gonna murder his wife ayyyy

FUCK!!!!!!! he bout to die 😳

FUCK OFF WINDU!!! “i’m sorry citizen” DO YOU KNOW WHO YOURE FUCKING TALKING TO??

that side eye rex gave lmao

he’s so itty bitty :)

yes a message for skywalker

SAY SOMETHING

NO????????

FUCK. OH FUCK.

WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT AHSOKA

she’s worried :(

oh rex knows too

she shared that info with everyone else

HAHA GET FUCKED LMAOOOO

carbonite that bitch

ooh who’s she

is that fuckin yghhhhh. sabine’s mom

ursa?? i think that’s her name

OH FUCK HES NOT FROZEN

I HATE HATE HATE THIS

fuck

WHY WOULD HE BE AWAKE FUCK

I DO NOT LIKE THIS AT ALL

that’s fuckin sick tho

better get more of them shits about to go down

awwww trailer shot

gal pals

something bads gonna happennnnn fuck this music

FUCK OFF W THIS MUSIC!!!!!!!

and this eerie ass lighting

what the tuck

why would they keep him awake

UHHHHHHHHHHH

is he trying to force time

OH FUCK THERES TOO MANY CLONES NOW

iM VERY WORRIED

is maul gonna help them escape?? i cannot see any easy way out of this situation

god what the FUCK IS THIS MUSIC

there’s so many fucking shots of the clones i HATE THIS WHAT THE FUCK

creepy ass room

why couldn’t they just CARBONIFE FREEZE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god what the fuck

oh that’s a beautiful shot

BRUH THEYRE SALUTING I HATE THIS

fuck OFF FILONI

that’s gorgeous :((((((((((

YES

SOMETHING IS ON HER MIND

bro ;((((((((

awwwww

AWWWWWWWWWWW

hug

hug

hug

hug

HUG

GODDAMNIT

when has a clone ever worn that outfit EVER??

she’s grown up so much 😭😭😭

ughhhhhhHHHHHHHH

WOAAAH THE FUCKING SOUND IT MADE WHEN HE OPENED HIS EYES

TRAILER SHOT

WHAT FHE FUCK

whatshdjdjjdjdjsjsj FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK WHAGDHNDJD WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT

MAUL WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT????

WHATvvvvbbBshfjfjkdks

what???

no no no no obononoononono!!!!

NONPBONONONONOONONO!!!!!!

NO!!!! REX?????

PLEASE TELL ME YOURE TRYING TO HELP HER

WHAT THE FUCK

no oNONOBOONONONONOONN

HES CRYING

WHAT THE FUCK

god i fucking hate this

HE WAS TRYING TO FIGHT IT!!!

FIGHT IT REX!!!!!!!!

what the fuck

i hate this so much

REX!!!!! no

my babey :(((((

WHAT THE FUCK

I HATE THIS SO MUCH

uhhhhh what the fuck is this box lmao

OH FUCK!!!! BAD BITCH!!!!!

there’s really only one button that undoes all the restraints

that’s not very safe

fuck off oh my god

MAUL!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP!!!!

yeah he did that’s true

why does he look so short

SHUT THE FUCK UP LMAOOOOO

nice ahsoka

aren’t the clones heading to the detention level

FUCK OFF YOU DONT DESERVE IT

the “best friend i’ve ever had” to THIS SHIT???? HOW DOES REX ?? I- ?????? UH??

ahsoka this is some dangerous shit

ayyy droids

aww they’re all concerned :((((((

SHES ASKING THEM PERMISSION AWWW

FIVES?????????

FIVES!!!!!!!!!

OH SHIT THE INHIBITOR CHIP

HE SAID “FIND HIM” IT WAS FIVES!!!!!!!!

SHE KNOWS ABOUT THE CHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REX?? isn’t rex 7567

she knows his password lmao

REX. REX!!!!!

YEAH THEY ARE!!!! YOURE RIGHT BABY!!!!!!!

FUCKING MAUL LMAOOOOO

ok i’d never usually say this but thank god he was here

jesus christ

did he just fucking DECAPITATE SOMEONE???????

FUCKING GROSS!!!!!!

that was gruesome as hell

say hello maul :) 👋🏼

LMAOOOOO

haha rex

time to rip THE CHIP!!!!!!!

RIP!!! THE!!! CHIP!!!

OH FUCK

oh my god oh my god

ohhhhh fuck

no ahsoka i want you to cut his neck open right here right now

RIP!!! THE!!! CHIP!!!

god i fucking hate this

at least the droids aren’t under order 66

god medical droids are creepy as hell

UHHHHH WHAT?????????

NO CHIP?????????????

this droid is so funny

r7 really said “chuh chuhchuhcuhuhchuh”

cmon rex :(((((((((

REMOVE IT WITH THE FORCE

YEAH GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HES SAYING IT

OG MY GOS OG TM GOD DOG YM GOD SUF

AYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

oh my god :((((((( i’m so stressed i HATE THIS

oh fuck

ohhh fuck!!!!!!

god she’s so fucking cool

i wanted to be her as a child and i still want to be her

HES AWAKE WHY IS HE AWAKE

REX???????? GO TO SLEEP REX

HE SHOT BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

REX!!!!!!!! BUDDY!!!!!! BABY!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD

that was really fast

OH MY GOD

fuckkkkkkk i already knew that but FUUUUCK

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

[cockbiteproductions]

6 and 9

nice

6. Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you?

I thought a lot about this question and I’ve narrowed it down to 3 answers which are posted here in experienced order:

Daredevil 1x10 Nelson v. Murdock - i rewatched all of daredevil with my roommate during the quarantine part of the spring semester and had a blast. foggy finds out matt’s secret (being a superhero, his super senses). the Betrayal of it all. the way they show them ugly crying instead of like letting out a single man tear. fuck. “then again, maybe i would. what the hell do i know about matt murdock?” the cutting back and forth between their present day fallout and their meeting and developing friendship. it’s SOOO much it’s like Specifically Crafted for maximum pain and i eat it right up. foggy: are u even really blind? the show: *immediately cuts to a flashback of them meeting and foggy learning that matt is blind* foggy: was anything ever real between us? the show: *cuts to the two of them thick as thieves and making plans to form their law firm together and matt almost revealing his secret*. matt: this city needs me in that mask, foggy. foggy: maybe you’re right. maybe it does. but i don’t. i only ever needed my friend. the show: *cuts to them starting their law firm together.* also the scene where ben is in the hospital with his wife and we see her forget him on screen. ouch. a lot happens in this episode but tbh i just focus on the Friendship Falling Out. it reads even better if you think they’re in love with each other, as i obviously do. man daredevil Hurts.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars 7x12 Victory and Death (series finale) - the panic in rex and ahsoka as they have to get off this LITERAL sinking ship filled with enemies that used to be their brothers, who had just within the week painted their armor, one of the few things they can customize to express themselves, to resemble her, who they know would never willingly turn against them, and a fucking wackjob killer wildcard. the growing tension and cornering is fantastic. when ahsoka takes off rex’s helmet and he cries because he’s facing killing his brothers. the cute droid squad. i’m always a sucker for non-humans. the fact that they had special orders to kill ahsoka, who was no longer a jedi, from palpatine, meaning he thought she was a threat still and she IS. she’s up there with obi-wan in terms of attachments anakin has. the action is truly epic (though i do have to say the maul ahsoka fight was better). the fact that ahsoka and rex didnt just leave the clones there and they dug graves for them. the shot of ahsoka in her cloak in front of all the helmets painted like her face on sticks will be burned into my brain forever. vader coming down to the planet himself much later and finding and igniting one of the sabers he as anakin LITERALLY remade for her. just the image of vader holding a blue lightsaber is going to be the death of me. a literal representation of who he was. it’s too much. it’s too much for me to deal with. i started crying as i was typing this. also when you look closely you can see his eyes through the helmet lens. it hurts man. (possibly) morai flying away as this happens. man, star wars can be good. 

Supernatural 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King - ok so i know the question said year but man has show really defined my like last two months. as for this eps specifically, im predictable is what this says. i like tragedy and unhappy endings. i like gay angel. i like self-aware narration. i like reflection. i like the moment before it all goes wrong. this episode is the literal point of no return for s6 cas and i want to scream. it’s like when anakin cuts off mace windu’s hand. “but cas, youll call right? if you get into real trouble?” “and the worst part was dean, trying so hard to be loyal.” “for a brief moment, i was myself again.” “wonders never cease, they trusted me again.” “of course, i didn’t realize it at the time, but it was all over, right then, just like that.” “the big lie, the winchesters still buy it. the good cas, the righteous cas, and long as they still believe it, you get to believe it.” “it sounds so simple when you say it like that. where were you when i needed to hear it? / i was there. where were you?” “you know the difference between you and me? i know what i am. what are you, castiel? what exactly are you willing to do?” “i believe it’s what you would call a... tragedy from the human perspective... i’m asking you, father, one last time. am i doing the right thing? am i on the right path? you have to tell me. you have to give me a sign, because if you don’t... i’m gonna do whatever i... whatever i must.” like are you kidding me. not to talk about star wars even more but like. when rots novel said “the blurred line between our best and our worst” hhhhh. this makes me crave a 150k fic from cas’ perspective in season 6 where we see all the terrible things he’s doing for his well intentioned plan and how he keeps digging himself in deeper and deeper until it’s too late. and if i had the skill and time i would write it. alas.

runner ups: billions 5x05 contract (the epic lows of hearing taylor say they wanted to fire winston, the epic highs of 4d chess theory. the shitpost memes i immediately made. did not make the list as i made it a requirement that i actually enjoy the content in my winners list). supernatural 15x18 despair (lost out to man who would be king because i Care Cas, but i will never get over cas going out the way he came into this show; calling dean OUT on his bullshit).

9. Best month for you this year?

bro who can even remember the months. ok i just looked at my calendar and i guess i’ll say may. i finished up my spring semester the week before. clone wars finale aired then and billions season 5 started airing which was a “fun” time. had a job. things were alright.

[butchgwenwhyvar]

The Star Wars Prequels are a Greek Tragedy

Ok folks, buckle in because this classics nerd has made some Connections™

One of the main themes in the prequels (and by extension, the clone wars) is the inevitability of it all – I know it’s because it’s a prequel and as such, we know their fate, but that’s why it works.

(For the purpose of this meta post, please assume that when I say ‘the prequels’ and proceed to talk about Ahsoka or Rex, I mean ‘the prequels and the clone wars’ – it’s all part of the same story)

 (Important fact that relates to this meta post but doesn’t have much bearing on the actual argument #1: Anakin’s name comes from the Greek Goddess of inevitability, Ananke.)

 But the main argument is this: the prequels follow the format and pattern of a Greek tragedy. A Greek tragedy always has the audience take part in the form of the ‘chorus’ on stage – the chorus keep the story going and tell the audience what’s up, but they also provide an insight into the characters and question the characters on behalf of the audience (most tragedies are set in populated cities and palaces but a theatre troupe was traditionally around 5 people, so they had to get creative with extras and stuff). In the prequels and the clone wars, the role of the chorus is directly on the audience because we know what’s going to happen. We know about order 66 thanks to the start of season 6 and the end of season 7. We know that the sweet nine year old we meet in the phantom menace will become Vader. We know that Padme will die and that the Republic will fall and Palpatine will take power.

 To us, the chorus, it’s inevitable. But we also know the future of the characters, so there’s a thread of dramatic irony woven in (dramatic irony is a central part of the format of a Greek tragedy) because we know about the original trilogy and the fact that Luke will save Vader and the Empire gets royally fucked up by the rebels.

In Greek tragedy, the dramatic irony is a little less on the nose though. In Oedipus the King (Oedipus Rex in Latin), the chorus and the audience know what’s going to happen from the start. By the time Sophocles had written down the play it had already been performed at least once at the Dionysia, an Athenian play festival where everyone got very drunk and people ran play contests – Sophocles was a common contributor to the contests, and it was recorded that he never got below second place. So as this play is being performed in the late third century BCE, it’s been around for around 100 years. The audience knows what’s up – they know that Jocasta is actually Oedipus’ mother, they know that Oedipus is actually the one that killed Laius and is bringing down the gods’ displeasure on Thebes. So when Oedipus and Creon are talking to Tiresias and saying ‘well, someone has to be cursed because that’s the only way we’ve pissed the gods off enough,’ the audience (and to an extent Tiresias, because he was a prophet) get a sense of dramatic irony. It’s similar to the scene in Attack of the Clones when Dooku’s talking about the sith in the senate – we as the chorus and the audience go ‘It’s Palpatine!’ because we’ve seen the originals and we know about the fall of the republic.

The sense of dramatic irony really helps to build the inevitability of it all because as the chorus, we know the future of these characters.

 Another thing that characterises the prequels as a specifically Greek tragedy is the use of fatal flaws and how they relate to the character’s virtues. Anakin’s main character traits are his general mistrust of authority, his sense of personal loyalty and his need to help others – he’s proven that he’d burn the galaxy down for his family and the people he loves, and there’s quite a few poignant scenes in the clone wars EU novels where he’s mourning the clones and generally caring a lot about them (if you want specific novels, Karen Miller’s ‘Clone Wars: Gambit – Stealth’ is excellent and is the source of that excellent ‘blind me and I’ll tell you who laughed’ quote, and Karen Traviss’ novelisation of the clone wars movie has lots of scenes with Anakin being a good bro to Rex and caring about the 501st). Padme’s main trait is her belief in human decency (we’re using human in this case because I’m relating it back to humans) – she cares deeply about seeing the good in people, up to her dying moments. Obi-Wan’s main trait is his dedication to the Order and their rules.

However, if you turn these traits on their heads, you get their fatal flaws and their ultimate downfall. Vader’s issues with authority and his need to save those he cares about lands him in the suit and as the Emperor’s attack dog. Padme can’t see the problems in the republic and all the things going wrong with Anakin until it’s too late because she’s so focussed on seeing the good in what’s left. Obi-Wan fails as Anakin’s mentor because he was too focused on the way things should have been (let the record show I am not shitting on Obi-Wan, this is just my thoughts about the narrative and this part of the Skywalker debacle).

In Oedipus Rex and Antigone (written before Oedipus, set after Oedipus – it’s about his daughter), the same thing happens. Oedipus’ loyalty to Thebes and his unwavering sense of duty makes him an excellent king – he listens to his people and takes their complaints into account. Creon’s ability to stick to the rules and provide a safe kingdom makes him the perfect second choice as king (this will make more sense when I talk about Antigone because Creon is a main character in this play as well – his character arc spans the two plays). Jocasta is kind and sees the best in everyone (I’m sensing a theme). But if you turn that on its head, all the ugly details come out. Oedipus has inadvertently committed one of the worst sins that the gods can think of a punishment for, and he’s promised the people of Thebes that whoever has cursed the land will be banished for life. When he finds out that his wife is also his mother and he murdered his birth father years ago, he blinds himself in shame but asks to stay in Thebes. This is where Creon’s flaw starts to appear – Oedipus asks to stay and Creon casts him out. Oedipus keeps his loyalty to the Thebans by maiming himself and marking himself as the cursed person, but he doesn’t think his actions through. If he’s banished, his four children will also be banished with him and will suffer for the rest of their lives. Staying is the only option. But Creon is too obsessed with placating the Thebans and the gods, so Oedipus and his children are cast out because of Creon’s determination to stick to the rules. Jocasta’s need to see the best in everyone leads to her denying that her husband is also her son, even once she’s put the pieces together – there’s a scene where she’s talking to her main and her maid asks and she refuses to acknowledge it. This leads to her killing herself in shame once the news has gotten out. It’s inevitable. The audience know and love this play. They know what’s coming.

And then Antigone happens. Antigone is Oedipus’ eldest daughter. Her siblings are Ismene, the youngest, Eteocles, and Polynices. Eteocles and Polynices have declared war on each other (Eteocles is fighting for Thebes, where Creon is the king now) and have killed each other. Eteocles is to be buried with full honours, while Polynices’ body is to be left in the dust (the Greeks believed that being buried in the dirt was the only way to get into the afterlife). So Antigone tries to bury Polynices over the course of the story – her main character trait is her loyalty and her persistence. Creon is still too wedded to the rules, but now he’s also stuck on his own idea of power – the king’s word above all else, even the gods.

The play ends with Antigone’s suicide after being banished  to a sealed cave for the rest of her life (she keeps covering Polynices’ body in dirt until Creon gets sick of it and sends her to the cave). Her loyalty and her tenacity have become her downfall and led to her death (for those interested, Antigone’s death led to Creon burying Polynices properly). Creon’s virtues of being a rule-following king lead to him essentially going mad with power, which leads to his son killing himself after he hears of Antigone’s sentence, his wife killing herself after she hears of Haemon’s death, and Creon’s apparent suicide (he gets an open ending but it’s widely accepted that he dies as well).

 Relating this back to Star Wars and the point I made earlier: the prequels are pretty much the only Star Wars media where the character’s virtues become their flaws. It’s very hubristic and I love it. Ahsoka’s virtue is in her persistence and her drive to survive while trying to do what’s right – turn it on its head and she’s unleashing Maul on a bunch of 66’d clones to escape. On first watch, Rex’s virtue seems to be his loyalty to the Republic, but that’s brought into contention in season 1. His actual virtue is his loyalty to his brothers but that’s turned on its head in episodes 11 and 12 when he’s forced to shoot and stun them and know that they’re going to die and there’s nothing he can do to save them, which almost leads to him giving up entirely in episode 12.

 And that leads me back to my main point. George Lucas wrote the prequels and most of the clone wars like the archetype of the Greek tragedy on purpose, to show the inevitability of the story.

The main parts of a Greek tragedy are as follows: Hubris (personal pride leading to a downfall)

The Chorus and the use of dramatic irony

Virtues as fatal flaws

Catharsis

 The main parts of the prequels are as follows:

Hubris (the Jedi and the Republic’s pride lead to their downfall, Anakin and Obi-Wan’s pride leads to Mustafar)

The Audience and the use of dramatic irony

Virtues as fatal flaws

Catharsis

Hope

 Back to inevitability: the use of virtues as flaws leads to the inevitability of the tragedy of Anakin Skywalker. He can’t not be loyal and caring to the point of obsession, jealousy, and overprotectiveness. Padme can’t not deeply believe in the power of human kindness and their ability to believe in a better system. Obi-Wan can’t not be wedded to the rules far too much. To take all of this away from their characters is to leave them as completely different people. An Anakin that doesn’t care as much is an Anakin that’s closer to the ‘perfect Jedi,’ a Padme that doesn’t believe in a better system is a Padme that lets even more atrocities fly under the radar in the senate. An Obi-Wan that’s not wedded to the Code and the Order and the Rules is an Obi-Wan seen in the early Jedi Apprentice books – a Jedi always on the brink of snapping, falling, or expulsion from the Order. So you see these character traits and you see what’s coming and it’s inevitable because these virtues and therefore flaws are what makes the character them, which progresses the story.

 The use of dramatic irony also highlights the inevitability within the stories of the prequels and the tragedies. The audience of the films and the chorus/audience of the plays know what the characters don’t. They know that Oedipus is Jocasta’s son. They know that Antigone and the rest of Creon’s family will kill themselves. We know Anakin will fall. We know Padme will die. We know about the fall of the Republic and the rise of the Empire. But they don’t and that’s why the dramatic irony works so well. We’re on the edge of our seats, waiting for the moment when it all clicks – when someone listens to Fives about the chips and takes action – when Anakin gets help – where Padme survives – where Obi-Wan puts aside the Order and tries to help Anakin and reassures him. But it never happens, and we know that.

Every time we watch the prequels or the clone wars, we think ‘maybe this time it will turn out alright’ but it’s inevitable that it won’t because it’s written like a Greek tragedy and those always end in the darkest possible way.

 There’s another common thread between the prequels and Greek tragedy as well – catharsis. It’s the breaking point and the aftermath, where consequences are dealt out. The catharsis in Oedipus is obvious – it’s when Oedipus blinds himself and is banished. The catharsis in Antigone is subtler but infinitely more painful. Creon is punished for disobeying the gods and as his punishment, Antigone (his son’s fiancée), Haemon (his son), and his wife are all dead, all by their own hand. This brings him shame and it’s widely accepted that he goes off and kills himself, which is even more of a punishment (suicide was not welcomed in the Greek afterlife – they’d often go to the Fields of Punishment or the Fields of Asphodel). The catharsis in the prequels is glaringly obvious in comparison. Anakin faces massive consequences for his actions, which stay with him for the next 25 or so years. He can’t go back to the way everything was, because he’s burnt it all down around him. He’s punished psychologically and physically until his death, as punishment for his mistakes and his actions. The audience feels catharsis here as well, as Anakin doesn’t get away with his actions. His end is especially cathartic, not just because he got his comeuppance, but because he dies to undo a little bit of the horrors he’s committed.

 So the prequels and a Greek tragedy always end in tears, and the quote at the start of the Revenge of the Sith novelisation (thank you Matthew Stover) sums this up perfectly. ‘This story happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. It is already over. Nothing can be done to change it. The inevitability of all of these stories I’ve talked about is woven into it’s very fabric, and nothing can be done to change it.

 However, there is one way in which the prequels are different to a typical tragedy – the prequels end with a shred of hope. Tragedies have to finish with the catharsis and complete and utter bleakness and the destruction of a heap of lives – Creon’s family dies, Oedipus loses his wife and his sight, Anakin and Palpatine destroy the Jedi – it’s one of the hallmarks that makes it a tragedy and not just ‘some play by Sophocles.’ The prequels finish with Bail and Breha and Leia in the palace on Alderaan. They finish with Luke with Beru and Owen on Tatooine, where Shmi and Anakin were from. They finish with hope, which is a complete turnaround from the tragedies that the story is written to fit in with.

[smokeybrand]

I Am No Jedi

With season two of Mando over and the entire series in the can, for now, i was still on a pretty high Star Wars kick. Since i have Disney+, and time before WandaVision starts, i figure I'd ride this wave right into another Star Wars show i didn’t have the opportunity to actually get into deep; Star Wars: Rebels. Now, i have REALLY mixed feeling about this show. It’s an odd watch for me because of the conflict between the parts that are clone wars-y and the original content being presented. I kind of hate it when Ahsoka, Vader, Maul, or Thrawn aren’t onscreen but, at the same time, there are some really standout episodes. The Honorable Ones and The Forgotten Droid immediately come to mind. Unlike Clone Wars, however, which is a whole ass masterpiece of storytelling and character development, Rebels feels incredibly flaccid, overall. Still, i did like some things therein. Others, not so much...

The Things I liked

This show is gorgeous, man. The character models are lovely, this soundtrack is one of the best in the entire franchise, and the animation is head-and-shoulders above the first last season of Clone Wars. By that i mean season six. This thing ain’t got sh*t on season seven. Not even a little bit. Even so, this how is f*cking stunning to see. Everything about this aesthetic is just chef kiss levels of kino, as the kids would say.

All things Ahsoka. Look, its no secret i adore Ms. Tano but she really comes into her own with Rebels. You get to see that wisdom she gleaned during the Clone Wars on full display, even if she isn’t a proper Jedi anymore. Watching her reunite with Rex was wonderful but watching her fight Vader? That was hard. That was really hard. That episode, Twilight of the Apprentice, is easily some of the finest Disney Star Wars produced to date. It’s up there with Mando and the seventh season of the Clone Wars, for sure, and is the best episode of Rebels, itself, hands down.

Vader.

Maul in Rebels was exceptional. I enjoyed his turn in Clone Wars, of course, but his relationship with Ezra and his growth over the course of this series was exquisite. I was stunned by how much i liked Maul because, admittedly, i didn’t see the allure. I came to Clone Wars late so watching Maul blossom was a surprise. Seeing that continued evolution through Rebels was a real treat. That last duel with Obi-Wan? F*cking tragic. Beautifully tragic.

The Inquisitors. I like the whole concept of the Inquisitors but, specifically, The Grand Inquisitor and the Seventh Sister are decidedly the superior of the lot. I really enjoyed Grand and felt like his character was a little short-changed but Seventh Sister came along and picked up that slack only a few episodes later. Thanks to Rebels, i got other amazing characters like Second Sister in Jedi Fallen Order, The High Inquisitors in

F*cking Thrawn, man. I knew this dude was the dude from the Thrawn trilogy sequel books and never expected him to actually be canonized. Seeing my favorite blue sociopath show up in season four was a real gas, giving him proper credence as a threat going forward in the canon Disney mythos. The revelation that Ahsoka’s whole mission in her Mando appearance, was just to find a lead on this dude, was one of the biggest geek-outs i ever had for Disney Star Wars and it was Rebels that set all of it up.

Speaking of canonization, Rebels mad Darth Bane a thing and i will forever be grateful of that fact. Darth Bane is a huge deal in the canon and Filoni sneaking his legitimacy into the new lore, right under Kathleen Kennedy’s hating ass sabotage, was genius. I heard that he wanted to do the same for Darth Nihilus, Darth Traya, and Darth Scion, but that script was rejected. I imagine Darth Kennedy didn’t care for the Bane slip and put the kibosh on all other lore.

I actually like a lot of the additional lore. The Bendu, those temples, the mega-weapon on Malachor, The Veil; All of it enriches and expands upon the new canon. It gives it more life, more potential. and i love potential in storytelling. Makes for a ton of different, wonderful, possibilities.

Look, i just really like the Bendu. That motherf*cker is hilarious.

I really did enjoy Hera and Sabine. Those two ladies were a delight. I’ glad they were added t the lore because, particularly Sabine, there is a wealth of potential for them going forward. Hell, we’ve already seen the return of Hera in Star Wars: Squadrons and, with Mando going full anthology, i would be hard pressed not to think that Sabine will have her turn as the titular Mandalorian in a few seasons.

Not going to lie, seeing Zeb in this show was pretty dope. As a Star Wars geek, i knew that the Lasat were basically prototype Wookies that were cast aside. It’s dope seeing that design getting a second wind onscreen and a prominent role in the main cast. Plus, i mean, Zeb is actually a pretty chill character, himself.

The Things I didn’t

What the f*ck are these lightsabers, man? They're supposed to reflect the original concept of the weapons from one of the first Star Wars draft scripts, which is cool in a geek sense, but corny as sh*t in practice. These things look anemic, as f*ck, man.

It’s ridiculous to me that the crew of the Ghost are so goddamn pivotal to the fledgling Rebellion. These assholes cannot be this important, even with all of the plot armor. Like, seriously, I'm supposed to believe that they were the ones who retrieved the B-Wing, founded the first Rebel base, and stole Phoenix Nest from the Empire? Word?

There no stakes to this show. Like, i get that our principals had a lot of plot armor in Clone Wars, i never once felt like Ahsoka, Kenobi, or Anakin were ever in real danger, but there were certain episodes where i thought, for sure, their characters would be totally crippled somehow. Not with Rebels. I don’t expect any of these motherf*ckers to have even a semblance of lasting bruises. Kanan literally dies and nothing of importance was lost. Like, i know this is Ezra’s show but goddamn.

Speaking of Ezra, i hate this kid. I don’t know if that’s by design, like Filoni did with Ahsoka in the first few seasons of Clone Wars, but i grew to love her. She’s literally my second favorite character in the entire mythos, after Vader. Ezra did not grow on me. At all. I hate that so many lore altering events surrounded this dipsh*t. Kid ain’t even all that powerful in the force. I’m pretty certain that Ahsoka is stronger than Ezra is but he gets to be the one to “discover” the Veil of the Force. Like, bro, for real? You telling me Anakin, Yoda, or even f*cking Luke missed out on this sh*t? Word?

This show feels a lot like Avatar The Last Air Bender but worse. I had a whole ass emotional connection to the characters in that show. It broke my heart to see Azula having that meltdown. I did feel that same agony in Rebels, but it was for Ahsoka. When Vader looked up and you heard Anakin’s voice through the filter? “Ahsoka.” F*ck, that broke me. It was like watching Spider-Man getting dusted in Infinity War. I never felt that way about any of the ghost crew. Never. Not when Kanan died. Not when Ezra disappeared. Never.

The best parts of this show, of the actual, Rebels, canon, is either leftovers from Clone Wars or Legends content. Bane, Thrawn, Ahsoka, Rex, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Vader, the Emperor, even f*cking Hondo; All characters that existed before Rebels. Outside of the Inquisitors, Rebels added nothing of worth to the canon. It’s effectively a non-show. I mean, The Veil might be a thing eventually. We’ll see. That motherf*cker is a whole ass retconning mcguffin if I've ever seen one.

It’s weird to say, but nothing about this show feels of consequence. I know, for a fact, there are certain aspects Rebels added to the lore that will be vital to the overall canon but it doesn’t feel like that, you know? It feels like this was a detour, a frolic of, like, three or four episodes but holds no bearing to the grander scheme playing out. Sh*t’s ridiculous because Clone Wars felt like a whole ass problem, Rogue One gave us a legit catharsis, and Mando outdid everything Disney ever made while setting up an entire new age. F*ck, man, even the sequel trilogy gave us Kylo Ren. Rebels feels like Star Wars: The Filler Show and i kind of hate it.

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Anakin's hand is giving him shit

Rex knows his general better than Anakin thinks, and Ahsoka surprises everyone once again with her skills

IT'S THE GANG!!!! Obi-Wan, Anakin, Ahsoka, Rex, Cody

They're stuck in the middle of nowhere, maybe waiting for a pick up after their ship was destroyed??

Everything's fine, they've dealt with whatever it was that needed to be dealt with, but it's gonna be another couple days before anyone can come pick them up

Anakin’s robotic hand was damaged in the initial crash, and had only gotten worse as he continued to use it over the next few days.

We ALL know baby boy is NOT one to talk about his issues or ask for help, so after everything has died down and they're just waiting around, he sits in a corner quietly, pulls out a tool box, and cracks open his arm.

(It still kinda freaks him out, but he's much more used to it than when it was first...installed??)

He tries so hard

But he can only hold one tool at a time, he's drained from the previous few days so figures using the force is not the best idea (his brain is running on 20 minutes of sleep and all the emergency caf they could find in the wreckage), and he can only actually get in there from one or two angles

He makes it worse

And decides to give up, forgo the use of that arm, and just wait it out until he can get back to the temple and get it fixed properly.

Except, in making it worse, he had crossed a couple wires somewhere and that was... causing problems

(This could be funny? With his hand just....grabbing random things and waving around, out of his control. But I'm gonna go the slightly angsty route)

"Problems" here, meaning something was up with the electronics, and it kept shocking him.

At first it was easy to ignore, similar to a static shock, up his arm every couple of minutes.

But as time goes on, it just keeps getting worse. The shocks are getting stronger, and they're happening more frequently

Soon enough they've gone from barely noticeable static shocks up his arm, to strong electric shocks that travel across his chest, and down his other arm.

He tries to grit his teeth through it, but at this rate, he reckons he'll end up cracking his teeth before sundown on the first day

(The transmission from the temple was sketchy, but from what Cody and Rex could make out, it would be at least another 72 hours before someone could get out there)

I don't know how long he sits there in pain, everyone else has gone to sleep (he'd volunteered to take the first watch, he figured he wasn't gonna get much sleep anyway)

He tries to like,,,, justify to himself that this is good!! Actively practicing his high pain tolerance! Keeping him awake so he can protect the others! Reminding him to keep his mechanics skills sharp!!

Except all that is a bunch of bullshit, he just doesn't want to disappoint Obi-Wan by asking for help, especially in front of the others

Rex had volunteered to take the next watch, Anakin was planning on just...not waking him up, but that mans internal clock is flawless, and the second it reaches 2 hours since he first fell asleep, he's wide awake and walking towards where his general is sitting

Anakin is so preoccupied with not yelping every time he gets shocked, he doesn't even notice Rex walking towards him

Until

The next shock is a bad one, his whole body seizes up, his breath stops midway through a pained gasp, and his eyes fly wide open as his non-mechanical hand pushes his lightsabre into the table with so much force, he absentmindedly thinks he might have broken bones.

It lasts only a second or two, but when his body untenses, he let's out a low, pained gasp, and carefully brings his (almost certainly broken hand) to his chest.

Rex's eyes widen at the obvious, extreme pain Anakin was in, and he quietly rushes over (trying not to waken the others, but also needing to see what was wrong)

He crouches in front of Anakin, who's eyes are shut, head tilted towards the floor

"Sir? Is everything alright?"

Anakin looks up in shock (later he'll berate himself for being so unaware of his surroundings) before letting out a breath and forcing a smile:

"Yeah yeah, sorry Rex I didn't mean to wake you. You can go back to sleep."

"Sir with all due respect, you haven't slept more than 20 minutes since we first crashed. Are you injured?"

Anakin tries to brush him off, but before even a word can come out, another shock seizes his body.

This one isn't as bad as the last, but the sudden contraction of his muscles causes his now broken hand to spasm painfully, and he let's out a whimper

Anakin sees the way Rex's eyes sweep him (he's a trained soldier after all, the only way he can look after his men is to asses any injuries quickly) pausing momentarily on both his hands

He tuts quietly and gets up to walk away, coming back after just a moment moment, with a medkit in one hand, and an empty crate in the other

Anakin opens his mouth to protest, another "I'm fine, go back to sleep," on his tongue, but the disapproving look Rex flashes his way shuts him up.

He sets the crate down in front of Anakin’s seat, sits himself down, and opens the medkit.

With one hand, he pulls out bandages, and the other hand, he holds out in front of him, semi patiently.

Anakin almost protests again, but Rex wordlessly raises an eyebrow and gestures to his broken hand

With a sigh, Anakin hands over his freshly broken hand, and Rex silently bandages it, not acknowledging the way his general is gritting his teeth and flinching (he figures Anakin is not the type to want to be comforted through the process)

Another shock runs through Anakin, but quick as lightening, Rex clamps the broken hand between his own, preventing the fingers or wrist from spasming too much and causing more damage.

He looks up at Anakin, to see his eyes clamped shut and his jaw incredibly tense:

"It's over sir, you need to relax your jaw or it'll break." comes out so quietly Anakin only just hears it, but he obeys and slowly let's out a breath as he unclenches his teeth.

Rex looks back down and continues to wrap bandages securely around the hand, giving an approving hum a few minutes later as he ties it off.

"Done. What's up with the other one? I'm assuming that's what's shocking you?"

Rex of course knows the hand is what's shocking him, but this would all go much more smoothly if his general stopped being so stoic and allowed an actual conversation about it

Anakin gives a nod, he holds on to the idea of just thanking Rex for the bandages and sending him to bed again, but he's not sure he can put up with this for another 2 and a half days.

Plus, he figures that Rex wouldn't obey that order at this point anyway, even if he tried to pull rank. His captain was very stubborn when it came to the wellbeing of his men (coughfriendscough)

"Yeah, it got bounced around pretty hard when we first.... uh.... landed. It started shocking me a few hours ago. It was fine at first but it's gotten worse. Clearly."

He looks slightly sheepish at this, but Rex doesn't comment, just nods and gestures towards it

"I can take a look if you want? I'm no master mechanic but I'm pretty good at basic stuff. I could figure out something temporary, at least until we get picked up and an actual professional can take a look at it."

"Uuh yeah sure I guess. But if you make it worse I'm putting you in sanitary for a week, after you knock me out so I don’t have to feel it." It comes with a smirk, but its forced, obviously still in pain

Rex thinks at this point some pain meds would probably do them some good, but even if they had any, he knows the Jedi would almost certainly refuse them

Over the years of working together, Rex has gotten the impression, that General Skywalker doesn't like feeling out of control, in anyway. Of himself and his own actions, or the situations around him.

Once again, Anakin finds himself cracking open his arm, flinching away as it sparks slightly, and pulling the toolbox over to be set in front of him

Rex absentmindedly thinks about how oddly specific the fear in his generals mind is right now; of something dangerous, that will inevitably continue to cause him pain, that is not only permanently attached to his person, but that he also has to rely on for use every single day. Not that Anakin would ever admit to that fear, and not that it was ever really at the forefront of his mind. But a small and odd and specific fear nonetheless.

Rex holds the torch between his teeth as he moves wires and components around with the tools in his hands, he just needs to have a look around first, see what's what

"Can you actually feel the hand sir, or were the nerve endings left unattached?" is mumbled around the torch,

"I can... feel that it's there? And I can feel when I touch things, but it doesn't burn if I put it through a flame, for example. It doesn't hurt."

Rex gives a short nod as he continues to move things around. Anakin hasn't been shocked since he started looking so maybe it's something to do with the hatch mechanism??

(I actually don't know anything about mechanics as you've probably figured out by now, but Rex does so.... he's got this...maybe)

ANYWAY they're still working on it, Anakin occasionally being shocked (though not nearly as bad as before) and trying to give pointers to Rex, who has figured out by now that his knowledge on ship engineering wasn't nearly as applicable as he thought to his generals (admittedly, Wicked) robot hand, when Ahsoka wakes up for her turn to watch.

Anakin looks worried for a second before he covers it with nonchalance as she wonders over with a raised eyebrow:

"Master? Rex? Everything alright?"

"Uh yeah Snips everything's fine, my hand is giving me a bit of trouble, me and Rex are tryna figure it out." With an easy smile. He's desperately tryna downplay this, and shoots Rex a small glare when he raises his eyebrow at "a bit of trouble".

"What?? Why didn't you say anything? Rex move over, I did tons of research on mechanical prosthetics when Master Obi-Wan first told me about your hand. I can probably fix it in like 10 minutes."

Rex isn't surprised at Ahsoka’s admission, she does seem like the type to quietly research anything and everything if it means she can use it to help people.

Anakin is definitely taken aback though, she'd never even mentioned his hand before, honestly he wasn't sure if she'd actually noticed. The idea that she'd put effort into research may have made him tear up a bit, but no one notices

At a quick nod from the general, Rex moves to stand, and Ahsoka quickly takes his place, silently asking him to continue holding the torch as she works:

"Maker, what've you guys done in here? It's a mess. No wonder it's giving you trouble." She sounds disapproving, and despite only being 17 years old, that tone always manages to make Rex and Anakin feel just a little sheepish, not that they would ever tell her that.

"Well... I'm only really any good at ship engineering, and the General couldn't really see in there to tell me what to do sooooo... I mean.... group effort?"

Anakin stutters at that, and Ahsoka snorts, before telling him to "Sit still Skyguy, as much as I think it would be damn near impossible for me to make this worse, I don't want to push my luck."

He turns even more red at that, but stills himself and waits patiently waits for Ahsoka to finish her initial assessment, and declare it a lost cause

Or what he thought, was just initial assessment.

True to her word, after 10 minutes, she shuts up the hatch, puts the tools down and brushes her hands off.

"Ok so you can move it around a bit, but do NOT hit it on anything or move it too quickly. It's pretty loose in there, and if you knock something out of alignment, it'll start shocking you again. It'll be fine for now, but you'll need to get it properly fixed when we get back to the temple. I could probably do it but it might be best to get a professional, just in case. Make sure to get some spare parts as well, I can add them to my pack in case this happens again whilst we're out and about. You two get to bed. Something tells me you've been at this for a while." She says the last bit with a smirk

Rex chuckles to himself, thanks her quietly, and heads back to his spot after throwing a quick glance Anakin’s way

Anakin stares at his Padawan, looking at her in a slightly new light, but looks away when she raises an eyebrow

He stands and gives a sincere thanks with a hand on her shoulder:

"No problem Skyguy, anytime. You don't have to suffer in silence ya know. You remember how pissed you were when I hid that blaster wound from you last month?"

"Yeah yeah I know. Thanks again Snips, and watch your language."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes and shuffles into a more comfortable position as Anakin wonders back to his bedroll

As he begins to drift to sleep, for the first time in days, he makes a mental note to mention her skills to the council.

He hadn't realised her knowledge in mechanics and engineering had grown so much, but he definitely wants to see just how good she is, and encourage it even more.

~

THE END

Man I just really love bonding between the gang. Also we KNOW Anakin is good at this sorta stuff, and I'm like 99% certain that it's taught (at least the basics) to clones and Jedi Younglings sooooo

Also can you imagine baby boy's excitement when he realises Ahsoka is almost as into mechanics/engineering as he is??

As always gang, you wanna write it up all proper, go for it, credit and tag me✌

[smokeybrandreviews]

I Am No Jedi

With season two of Mando over and the entire series in the can, for now, i was still on a pretty high Star Wars kick. Since i have Disney+, and time before WandaVision starts, i figure I'd ride this wave right into another Star Wars show i didn’t have the opportunity to actually get into deep; Star Wars: Rebels. Now, i have REALLY mixed feeling about this show. It’s an odd watch for me because of the conflict between the parts that are clone wars-y and the original content being presented. I kind of hate it when Ahsoka, Vader, Maul, or Thrawn aren’t onscreen but, at the same time, there are some really standout episodes. The Honorable Ones and The Forgotten Droid immediately come to mind. Unlike Clone Wars, however, which is a whole ass masterpiece of storytelling and character development, Rebels feels incredibly flaccid, overall. Still, i did like some things therein. Others, not so much...

The Things I liked

This show is gorgeous, man. The character models are lovely, this soundtrack is one of the best in the entire franchise, and the animation is head-and-shoulders above the first last season of Clone Wars. By that i mean season six. This thing ain’t got sh*t on season seven. Not even a little bit. Even so, this how is f*cking stunning to see. Everything about this aesthetic is just chef kiss levels of kino, as the kids would say.

All things Ahsoka. Look, its no secret i adore Ms. Tano but she really comes into her own with Rebels. You get to see that wisdom she gleaned during the Clone Wars on full display, even if she isn’t a proper Jedi anymore. Watching her reunite with Rex was wonderful but watching her fight Vader? That was hard. That was really hard. That episode, Twilight of the Apprentice, is easily some of the finest Disney Star Wars produced to date. It’s up there with Mando and the seventh season of the Clone Wars, for sure, and is the best episode of Rebels, itself, hands down.

Vader.

Maul in Rebels was exceptional. I enjoyed his turn in Clone Wars, of course, but his relationship with Ezra and his growth over the course of this series was exquisite. I was stunned by how much i liked Maul because, admittedly, i didn’t see the allure. I came to Clone Wars late so watching Maul blossom was a surprise. Seeing that continued evolution through Rebels was a real treat. That last duel with Obi-Wan? F*cking tragic. Beautifully tragic.

The Inquisitors. I like the whole concept of the Inquisitors but, specifically, The Grand Inquisitor and the Seventh Sister are decidedly the superior of the lot. I really enjoyed Grand and felt like his character was a little short-changed but Seventh Sister came along and picked up that slack only a few episodes later. Thanks to Rebels, i got other amazing characters like Second Sister in Jedi Fallen Order, The High Inquisitors in

F*cking Thrawn, man. I knew this dude was the dude from the Thrawn trilogy sequel books and never expected him to actually be canonized. Seeing my favorite blue sociopath show up in season four was a real gas, giving him proper credence as a threat going forward in the canon Disney mythos. The revelation that Ahsoka’s whole mission in her Mando appearance, was just to find a lead on this dude, was one of the biggest geek-outs i ever had for Disney Star Wars and it was Rebels that set all of it up.

Speaking of canonization, Rebels mad Darth Bane a thing and i will forever be grateful of that fact. Darth Bane is a huge deal in the canon and Filoni sneaking his legitimacy into the new lore, right under Kathleen Kennedy’s hating ass sabotage, was genius. I heard that he wanted to do the same for Darth Nihilus, Darth Traya, and Darth Scion, but that script was rejected. I imagine Darth Kennedy didn’t care for the Bane slip and put the kibosh on all other lore.

I actually like a lot of the additional lore. The Bendu, those temples, the mega-weapon on Malachor, The Veil; All of it enriches and expands upon the new canon. It gives it more life, more potential. and i love potential in storytelling. Makes for a ton of different, wonderful, possibilities.

Look, i just really like the Bendu. That motherf*cker is hilarious.

I really did enjoy Hera and Sabine. Those two ladies were a delight. I’ glad they were added t the lore because, particularly Sabine, there is a wealth of potential for them going forward. Hell, we’ve already seen the return of Hera in Star Wars: Squadrons and, with Mando going full anthology, i would be hard pressed not to think that Sabine will have her turn as the titular Mandalorian in a few seasons.

Not going to lie, seeing Zeb in this show was pretty dope. As a Star Wars geek, i knew that the Lasat were basically prototype Wookies that were cast aside. It’s dope seeing that design getting a second wind onscreen and a prominent role in the main cast. Plus, i mean, Zeb is actually a pretty chill character, himself.

The Things I didn’t

What the f*ck are these lightsabers, man? They're supposed to reflect the original concept of the weapons from one of the first Star Wars draft scripts, which is cool in a geek sense, but corny as sh*t in practice. These things look anemic, as f*ck, man.

It’s ridiculous to me that the crew of the Ghost are so goddamn pivotal to the fledgling Rebellion. These assholes cannot be this important, even with all of the plot armor. Like, seriously, I'm supposed to believe that they were the ones who retrieved the B-Wing, founded the first Rebel base, and stole Phoenix Nest from the Empire? Word?

There no stakes to this show. Like, i get that our principals had a lot of plot armor in Clone Wars, i never once felt like Ahsoka, Kenobi, or Anakin were ever in real danger, but there were certain episodes where i thought, for sure, their characters would be totally crippled somehow. Not with Rebels. I don’t expect any of these motherf*ckers to have even a semblance of lasting bruises. Kanan literally dies and nothing of importance was lost. Like, i know this is Ezra’s show but goddamn.

Speaking of Ezra, i hate this kid. I don’t know if that’s by design, like Filoni did with Ahsoka in the first few seasons of Clone Wars, but i grew to love her. She’s literally my second favorite character in the entire mythos, after Vader. Ezra did not grow on me. At all. I hate that so many lore altering events surrounded this dipsh*t. Kid ain’t even all that powerful in the force. I’m pretty certain that Ahsoka is stronger than Ezra is but he gets to be the one to “discover” the Veil of the Force. Like, bro, for real? You telling me Anakin, Yoda, or even f*cking Luke missed out on this sh*t? Word?

This show feels a lot like Avatar The Last Air Bender but worse. I had a whole ass emotional connection to the characters in that show. It broke my heart to see Azula having that meltdown. I did feel that same agony in Rebels, but it was for Ahsoka. When Vader looked up and you heard Anakin’s voice through the filter? “Ahsoka.” F*ck, that broke me. It was like watching Spider-Man getting dusted in Infinity War. I never felt that way about any of the ghost crew. Never. Not when Kanan died. Not when Ezra disappeared. Never.

The best parts of this show, of the actual, Rebels, canon, is either leftovers from Clone Wars or Legends content. Bane, Thrawn, Ahsoka, Rex, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Vader, the Emperor, even f*cking Hondo; All characters that existed before Rebels. Outside of the Inquisitors, Rebels added nothing of worth to the canon. It’s effectively a non-show. I mean, The Veil might be a thing eventually. We’ll see. That motherf*cker is a whole ass retconning mcguffin if I've ever seen one.

It’s weird to say, but nothing about this show feels of consequence. I know, for a fact, there are certain aspects Rebels added to the lore that will be vital to the overall canon but it doesn’t feel like that, you know? It feels like this was a detour, a frolic of, like, three or four episodes but holds no bearing to the grander scheme playing out. Sh*t’s ridiculous because Clone Wars felt like a whole ass problem, Rogue One gave us a legit catharsis, and Mando outdid everything Disney ever made while setting up an entire new age. F*ck, man, even the sequel trilogy gave us Kylo Ren. Rebels feels like Star Wars: The Filler Show and i kind of hate it.