#ahoys screamz

[ah0yh0y]

on my feet and hands levitiating spewing doom and hope and utter brain rot but the force of a rubbish compactor supernova NDWFNDFODEFIOFIOD

read the Scholomance Trilogy by naomi novik i am BEGGING YOU

[ah0yh0y]

i just had a brain wave (that probably actually means nothing but i can dream)

this could link back to how as the pcs learn more stuff about the nature of the tales they are living in and the multiverse + the authors they are blurring the lines between them as the player and the character (or like character and how the campaign is framed/ dnd is used as a framing device idk how to explain it ) thus the intelligibility of the starting statement reflects this dissolvement. perhaps (if we take the theory that the final boss fight is between brennan and the pcs) that ep cold start with no introduction bc they have learned all they need to now. there is no need to make an introduction they are now staring at the ultimate gamemaster there is no introduction bc they now know this is their lives

I enjoy how Brennan's introduction to neverafter gets more and more unintelligible while managing to still contain all the needed information.

[ah0yh0y]

oh to be painted, to have art made for you in mind to be thought of to hold a presence in a loved ones mind to know with confidence that you will never be forgotten even if its in the dusty corners in the recesses of someone's mind you are there and you are felt long after you have departed 

[ah0yh0y]

do you ever think about about how much your thinking

like when you look too deep into the well of you forewaters the ripples of the future the tiny droplets of your lost youth

and you can feel the warmth leech out your figures leaving hollows for the salt of your tears

and the day above seems to darken seems to be too bright and you are blinded as you try to shade yourself

the line of what your are thinking o digging into you clawing with the knowledge not wisdom

waterfalls press at the dam in your eyelids

you wish it would not taste like salt

your tongue is slit with the fishing line with the thread with the nool of your fate your destiny

you can feel it out there you cant see it you cant feel it you know of it all too well the schematics but the not the worldy being

too young too ripped away knuckled down locked into foetal position in this too tiny hole

thesky is closing in on you

you are bloodied clean with a cloak of years you do are not owed

[ah0yh0y]

ANALYSISING MY PARACOSM CEPT ITS AL LIKE VERY VERY NEBULOUS AND I DONT HAVE ENOUGH BACKROUND KNOWLEDGE OF LIKE MEDIVIAL CHIVALRY TO LIKE ACTUALLY GIVE A GOOD ANYLAYSIS I AM EAITNG AT A BUFFET CEPT IM JUST AND ANT IN MY PANTRY FULLOF NOTHING 

[ah0yh0y]

WHAT IF I GAVE MY OCS ALL THETHINGS I DO NOT HAVE

[ah0yh0y]

what if i go insane over murder most unladylike

[ah0yh0y]

do you think about the fact about Sally's wording of this

“…and against all odds, he managed to find his way to a happy ending”

is like the wording of the Great Prophecy

“A Half-Blood of the eldest gods, Shall reach sixteen against all odds And see the world in endless sleep The Hero's soul, cursed blade shall reap A single choice shall end his days Olympus to preserve or raze.”

sally's faith in percy saves him hes foreshadowed to get a happy ending even tho we all know it, he doesnt DO YOU GET WHAT IM PUTTING DOWN

ALSO “not everyone who looks like a hero is a hero, and not everyone who looks like a monster is a monster” LUKE LUKE LUKE CAN YOU SEE IT IM SEEING IT

[ah0yh0y]

finished vol 2 of The Carpet Merchant of Konstantiniyya today

and can i say ITS ON MY SHELF BOTH OF THEM

oh MY GOD

i am literally gesturing to the floor right now its so good

the character relationship THE ACCURACY OF THE MUSLIM REP THE MAIN ROMANCE like tis SO REALLLL

and the mc's faith is front and center and its like not just an aside IT GUIDES WHAT HE DOES

LIKE IT TACKLES ORIENTALISM SO WELL

i started crying in the middle of study my guys its OS GOOD

if i had money i would buy it but like like the first vol is $45 and the second is like $60 something and im too broke for this ISIDSIJDIODI

ANYWAY READ

READ THIS GRAPHIC NOVEL

ITS FREE TOOOOOOO

FEAST YOUR EYES AND YOUR SOUL UPON IT

[ah0yh0y]

thinking about Orion and El’s Orpheus and Eurydice parallels (Hadestown) but Orion is Eurydice and El is Orpheus , is anyone getting what I’m saying can u feel what I’ve sent into the ground

[ah0yh0y]

character picrew game!!

was tagged by @quotidian-oblivion like 6 months ago thx for the TAG

Rules: Make a couple characters (or just one! as many as you want/have time for) from your WIP. Use whatever Picrew suits the vibe best—just make sure to link it. Tag a couple people to do the same.

I used the same template Quo did. This one

im doing this for my murder most unladylike wip which is untitled at the moment , ACTUALLY DONE!!! (also like 4 months ago i forgot i did this) it is called spreading our ashes in the sun and you can check it out of ao3 by clicking on the title just here!

It features my favourite people - the cambridge crew! (specifically Harold and Bertie) [includes exam mental breakdown and tea]

now this fic takes place right after an exam and like in the 1930s (technically, I did my best) so theres not much room for fun costumes and such so ill be making two versions . 1 - as in how they appear in fic and 2- another version which is just how the characters mentally would dress (excluding stephen and alfred which only have the latter) (i have included analysis to go along with the picrews as well)

this is going to be long bc i like extracting meaning from the smallest things and like referencing my fic obvi so its under the cut!! also spoilers for the fic as well

Harold

fic picrew

Harold has not thought of changing his clothing since coming out of that exam, he is only clenching his teeth so hard it might explode which is why he is wearing a plain jumper over a shirt. the circular glasses are the most south asian thing ever (for me at least) , so thats a reference to that. he is very much trying very hard not to express his emotions, because he knows in the grand scheme of things it is only a "small issue" it doesnt really matter , the past is in the past and he should be done with it. but really he cannot stop thinking about it (shown through how there are stars in the background like explosions you can say but are faint). the white i think was also a reference to the "hot white breathe" of panic. green in regards to this references bile. he is somewhat disgusted with himself i think, and also haven't not eaten his stomach is not feeling great. the scars i think were references to his "night climbing" pasttime , but also in my notes i mention a doorway - who knows what that was about but.

feeling picrew

HE IS EXHAUSTED that is the crux. he is mentally lying on his bed , drifting and then crying into his pillow and curling into his blanket. i always imagine harold with frog-esque things becuase he is very cottage core to me (and also like part of the me thinks he really loves the creatures living in the bottom of the garden), (also gardening is a theme within the family ala my bad gardener george headcanon ,as those on the discord know) . but on another level it is also Harold trying to cling onto comfort, which he cannot get in the actual fic , because he is denying himself it. the scars on his face match up with the actual fic version , his hair is messier from mushing his face into a pillow and he is wearing a cardigan because i think of him as a knitter or that sort of craft aligned and when he is stressed he creates clothing (but thats technically not in this). there was additional purpose behind the sepia filter as well, that i cannot remember at the moment. but right now it reminds me of how harold feels somewhat like a faded photograph destined to a dusty cupboard past his prime (as i say in the additional tags it is much like the outro of olivia rodrigo's teenage dream - "they all say that it gets better/ it gets better the more you grow/ they all say it gets better/ it gets better but what if i dont?")

Bertie

fic picrew

Bertie here is trying to give a comforting smile at Harold, however his smile is wobbly, becuase he has also have other things on his mind (reeling from a letter from stephen, terrifed of hurting harold and on another level making him more upset (its bc of stephen) but also just being "urgently concerned" , bertie is full of multitudes). this is also referenced by the background in which according to my old notes before finishing this fic is a reference to now Bertie is also exploding with emotion , except with worry instead of panic.

with new eyes however , i think it also reflects how Bertie is also hiding his emotions as well (colour choice to me blends into the background more) because he is so focused on the task at hand, it is natural to him that his other emotions are set to the side in the background so to speak.

onto more miscellaneous details

-he has a scrape across the mouth from a childhood accident and has a cut across his cheek from his shared night climbing pastime. ---he also has sticky outy ears because i say so -he has the twinkle in his eyes because it is goddam Bertie Wells and he is full of charm and charisma, it is the same twinkle somewhat of the one that Felix, his uncle is reported to have. (he has been trying for years to have it , he has not noticed he kind of already does. nobody has told him)

another note: the green is bertie colour (because his "green trousers" and the blue harold but they have each others because they care for oneanother alot and are focusing on the others concern . harold feels like a very blue person to me (also besties)

feeling picrew

literally not much here other than a more visual manifestation of what he is actually feeling. background is darker bc he has also the holdover from being whipped up wiht emotion since reading the letter form stephen. brighter stars is a "fizzing like a rocket" reference

the moustache change is an oversight, but now i like to think that its a manifestation of how much he feels like hes aged since the events of arsenic for tea and his relationship with stephen (this is like literally pulling stuff out of nothing but like still). the heart breaking , kinda goes two ways: breaking for harold as shown in the fic and also somewhat breaking from stephens letter (also referenced through the picrew through the shooting stars on his shirt like their relationship which was actively not really healthy, and very quickly crashing and burnt through)

although that isnt explicitly shown throughout the fic i did want Bertie's inner turmoil to be an undercurrent throughout.

the pjama shirt according to my old notes has soemthing to do with how raw Bertie is feeling throughout the fic besides him just being worn

Stephen

Stephen is interesting, as although he's very much explicitly not in the fic he is very much guides Bertie's actions throughout. i honestly dont know why i decided to create him as a picrew as he isnt in the fic but i guess i wanted 4 picrews.

background is a grid bc mans in JAIL LIKE HE DESERVES.

hair is two coloured because i always thought stephen with black hair but the in the books hes got brown? so now hes got two coloured hair bc i wanted to pay homage to that.

stephen was always the type of person to be somewhat perpetually upset with Bertie or actually something or rather , and in Bertie's mind that is the image that is left of him, which is why he looks like hes sulking.

he's sweating because he actually does feel quite guilty and Bertie cannot find in himself a way to fully hold a grudge against him at least thats what it says in my old notes

now, i actually have no idea why he would be sweating maybe prison is hot

clothing - couldnt find prision clothes and wanted some sort of variation so orange on orange is what you get

Alfred

i have no notes post this point so we are in the vast deadlands now.

jacket literally just feels like a jacket alfred would wear in a modern au, same with the shirt also the eyebrow he would have a slit eyebrow

the heart i think is something to do with the fact that alfred actually really cares for harold (whether harold knows it or not)

only thing i truely remember is for the spotlight background its yellow because he's the one who goes "why the hell are you in the dark" and makes them turn on the light

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and thats done i guess hoped you enjoyed this

[ah0yh0y]

WE HAVE ALL THE BARD SONGS THIS IS NOT A DRILL AAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[ah0yh0y]

ive just realised that people dont read books for the analydis alot of people just dont care 10 dead 12 injured

[ah0yh0y]

the wolf being a "authority" figure to red just perfect

not a dad

but a being that is somewhat on her side the way the wolfsman never was

the way grandma was in a way (in a way down the lane)

she is the wolf and the wolf is her

[ah0yh0y]

The alhaven ask game thing:

Epiphany!

ohhhhh epiphanyyyyy thats a hard one simply becuase there is so much i could talk about . warning this is long

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there's individual character epiphanies - like the fact that Fate doesnt truely dictate your actions, and that horrible events in your past don't dictate what the rest of your life will be like (mordred , morgana respectively) {this theme i think is most prevalent in We Were Villains (Weep for me)}.

on a lighter note - there's ari's epiphany that she hadn't told zach yes to the whole platonic marriage thing in first snow. i always found that funny like she's just WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT THIS????

(these are are all on my ao3 btw my username is writetype but you have to be logged in to see them)

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in terms of plot points i think my favourite one (and probably the best fit for this prompt) is the camping trip, set during the main cast's teen years (zoe's 19/20 , zach's like 17 , will's also 17 and aimee is 15) - for context before this point the family is fractured - aimee and zoe's mother {morgana} died around two years previous and aimee really hates zoe for not being there for her (zoe's was struggling before this but now is trying her best to reconnect with her sister , aimee is.. resentful) zach hates his cousin , will , seeing him as an intrusion bc they are FINE GODDAMIT WE DON'T NEED YOUR HELP. the adults are trying but they are spread thin (especially with inflation and grief and such). tensions are starting to thaw though a bit but still threatening to yknow explode

and so when they finally get that one week off around christmas - what better way to spend it than CAMPING WOO.

and its that traditional thing of everything is going to shit but along the way , through broken shopping carts and getting lost in ditches and climbing trees and the lack of mosquito repellent , they bond a bit . and the breathing space becomes wider and gazes are cooler. it kinda feels remincent of those nights where they used to bring out sparklers and write their names in air , its looking at the remains of them smoking , orange bright , but instead of feeling the brand of when you couldn't stop stepping on leftovers , searing your barefoot in a grisly crevice - its just feeling content. being quenched by the outside tap. its not all gone , the water still makes you itch all over funny but - its better.

its not quite a massive epiphany, more a realisation but is one of my favourite moments still

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i think the most important epiphany for me in terms of alhaven - is my own . i used to (and still do in some moments) feel bad for the unrealisticness of alhaven and the fact it was all fluffy and very badly worldbuilt. it didn't feel like a serious story like the ones that my friends would write about , the ones you see in novels . the dead come back to life , some ocs become famous ish , there's swords and historical costumes readily accessible and cheap. alhaven as a town has a kebab shop even tho its technically in the middle of nowhere, dragons , aimee grows up to host a bookish gameshow thing . murder most unladylike the netlifx adaptation exists - and alot of the story is just about the mundane . (also coupled with the fact alhaven is also the paracosm amplified things - like its my daydream world for goddam sakes)

but like the biggest epiphany for me that even if it didn't feel serious - this story was serious, to me. fluff content and the mundane wasn't a lesser form of writing - it wasn't cringe. it made me feel happy and thats all it really needed to be for it to be important. for it to matter. for it to be worthy.

alhaven has been with me for almost more than 6 years now , and to feel ashamed of it feels like a disservice to that younger me , happily writing harry potter , bbc merlin and percy jackson cross over fic with a green pen at 11pm at night.

its probably one of the epiphanies im most grateful for actually.

[ah0yh0y]

my glasses are spotted grey smudged like the cloud outside overstretching the skin around my eyes

it pains me

taking them off, stops only one pain

dancing space even further out my reach both blurred and clear

cleaning them should suffice

if not for the fact i was human

too wet too sensitive

for proper accommodations

not enough effort from me in clearing it all away

sprays sting pockets sink

cannot read the fineprint