#ahhhh less than a week wtf
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Scribbly. Less than a week to see him. 🥺 #DragonAge #EmmrichVolkarin
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#DAtV#emmrich volkarin#my art#ahhhh less than a week wtf#so so excited shdidhd#pls#I have a feeling id be too exhausted to play immediately tbh#but excited nonetheless#also my dragon age preorders are up go get them if you’re keen hehe
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Hey guys,
It's me again...
~ Well, things were terrible this month...
I fell from a stair and sprained my right ankle and needed to get an orthopedic boot on... stairs are my new enemy(it's so freaking hard to go down them with this thing);
I had to go to the dentist bc I had excruciating pain in my teeth ← notice I said teeth and not tooth... not happy in have one root canal that took me to the emergency twice bc of pain I was told the other side was hurting bc it got infected bc the tooth and metal crown implant i have broke, and that the metal was cutting my gum and thong and that long story short I'll have to extract the tooth and get an implant (that is a paid treatment and a expensive one at that.... that I wont be doing bc I cant afford);
I sprained lightly my back and shoulder muscles, thinking it would just get better I ignored it and when it started to hurt a little more I went to the doctor... before I was even in the medical room my back completely locked/stuck and I had one of the worst pains of my life... I got emergency treatment and had to get almost carried into the doctors office, where I almost wasn't capable to get up in the stretcher. She said I had acute low back pain;
I learned I cant take anti-inflammatory medicine bc since I'm neurodivergent, my everyday meds, that I need to function, can give me a overdose if I do... so I've been going through all that without any anti-inflammatory meds T-T
I had to move (the landlord asked the apartment back) and had to give all the money I had (+ some borrowed) as deposit;
Since I have a orthopedic boot on I couldn't get most of the freelances I usually try to get bc they wont hire me with a hurt foot... bc I cant do stuff fast, walk or stand for several hours and they wont trust me with heavy things
~ I went to the emergency 3 times this month smh ~
And I spent sooooo much money with pain killers and with the all the fares to get to all the doctors and places to do the exams... and now I wont have enough money to pay the rent, I've to buy one of my meds that I couldn't afford, my food is almost ending and I have bills to pay in the beginning of the month
I've no idea what I'm going to do... so if you can spare any money to help me, I'll be forever in debt with you bc I REALLY need it (any money helps a lot at this point)
AND if you can't donate, or help in any other way a simple reblog goes a long way, please help a girl in need T-T
It doesn't have to be a donation:
I'll do any gifset, project, art, data entry, content or wtv anyone here wants for money(!!!)
______________________
again, my ko-fi is: https://ko-fi.com/lostingabi
If the PayPal is easier for you, my PayPal is: [email protected]
(@myhalloweendreams and @lostindramas are both my blogs)
Hello sweet people!
You've been kind enough to help me out when I'm in tight spot (and sometimes, just to treat me to things). This time I'm asking if you have few dollars to spare to help out my friend @myhalloweendreams - because of currency conversion rates, even few would go a long way ensuring she gets something to eat for her & her beautiful cat, and some meds. She's a fellow neurodivergent between jobs right now and deserves all the world. (Here's her post about it.) And more importantly, she's a dear, fun person who has been my support for years and brought me lot of smiles and laughter. She's the one who taught me how to gif, too! Absolutely talented and precious in every way.
Her paypal: [email protected]
Please, please share your kind heart with her. I am willing to find a way to make some content (gifs?) in return.
#personal#donation#help#wtf is happening that i am managing to have so much bad luck?#all that in less than 30 days#There's always something bad happening... It's kind of impressive how far my bad luck goes#There is also the little things#like:#Two water bottles broke#as in one that I had for one year and the one I bought to replace it (the second one didnt last two weeks)#someone in the new place broke my expensive cup with straw and lid that I got as birthday gift from my favorite aunt#they freaking hid it#and no one took responsibility for it T-T#Ahhhh#I had to move with strangers that were renting a bedroom in their apartment#yep i found people in the internet and moved with them#bc i cant afford to live by my on and no one that i know is sharing a place (most or are married or still live with their parents)
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Could I request the brothers (and maybe Diavolo, if you're comfortable) reacting to a knightly/chivalrous m/c, please?
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I haven’t written Diavolo in a hot minute, I’m glad he’s being requested again. I’m guessing you mean an MC with the attributes of a knight? The same sort of mannerisms and traits and not an actual knight! MC? Lemme know if I did this ask wrong because I was low key confused lmao.
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The Brothers + Diavolo with a knightly/chivalrous MC:
Lucifer:
-He really didn’t like you upon first meeting
-He hated how he couldn’t intimidate you into not being a nuisance the way he could with most of his brothers
-But, to be honest, you had gained his respect rather early on
-I think, even though it may have annoyed him to no end, Lucifer was very fond of your bravery a lot of the times
-The way you would stand up for Mammon or that time you protected Beel and Luke from his outburst
-Courage is not a trait one would usually associate with humans, especially when more superior beings like demons are involved
-Your humility was also a characteristic of yours that he, surprisingly, was really fond of
-And your overall mercifulness was something to be congratulated as well
-I mean, him and his brothers put you through so much shit and for you to forgive and move on without an angry word at any of them kinda speaks on its own
-I think he understands, to an extent, the reason you’re so loyal to the people you care about too
-He has a certain devotion for Lord Diavolo and his brothers, more than he lets on
-To him, having someone like you around is something to be appreciated
-Because you are similar but also completely different and nothing like he deemed you to be at the beginning
-yo i think you remind him of himself back when he was angel tbh
-He’s sort of tired of saving your ass tho because you are very just, so you feel the need to help people all the time which leads to you getting involved in fights
-Bring him his 20th cup of coffee for the day please, it’s hard being a single father of 8 children (yes I’ve added Lord Diavolo he counts as one of the kids)
-He’s the definition of this incorrect quote I stumbled across a while back
- MC: “FIGHT ME RIGHT NOW!”
-Lucifer, from behind them “ Do not.”
Mammon:
-Ok so this random human comes to DevilDom and has the audacity to slap his hand away while he’s trying to steal from Diavolo’s castle????????
-“MC ya’re forgetting I’m a demon, my moral scale is wayyy different than yours-“
-“Put it back.”
-“......ok.”
-You’re coming at him with rightfulness and honor and your presence is gonna hit him like a truck
-Cuz he ain’t stealing anything when you’re around (lucifer uses this to his advantage ofc.)
-That was basically the only thing he disliked about you
-Other than that, after your first week in DevilDom, he thinks you’re a goddamn S A I N T
-Everytime you stand up for him when his brothers are being assholes-pls he melts into a puddle of goo from your perfection
-OOFFS AND ALL THOSE TIMES YOU GAVE HIM GIFTS BECAUSE GENEROSITY BBY
-Good thing he was wearing sunglasses, because holy fuck was he weeping under those Gucci shades
-He’s gonna give ya props for having the courage to stand up to him and his brothers
-Lucifer especially because big bro scary
-Think about it like this: literally every single one of them could have you seasoned and roasted for lunch, love
-And yet you still have the bravery to look them in the eye and tell them: “Ya’ll are dysfunctional as fuck and need family therapy.”
-Again, he doesn’t understand your morale, he’s the Avatar of Greed, if he sees something he likes or seems worthy of his presence, he takes it
-But with that look you’re giving him, he honestly feels so guilty he can’t help but put it back
-He also appreciates your patience with him when it comes to anything that involves him talking about his emotions and thought process
-Because at this point he is widely known as scum so-
-Ahhhh, in the end, he thinks you’re pretty badass for a human and would low key want to see you in an armour of sorts agajwhisebhwjwwhehgdhdh
-And he really likes it when you make the effort to open doors for him too but he’ll never have the nerve to admit it
Levi:
-Believe it or not, he warms up to you in less than a day...?
-It’s probably because he’s a navy commander and he’s used to having soldiers around and you sort of remind him of that
-Out of everyone, he reacts the least when he sees how you carry yourself because to him it’s second nature
-Even if he does tend to slouch most of the time
-Almost dropped to his knees and started worshiping you when you yelled at Mammon to give Levi his money back on your first day
-And then a friendship started to blossom (im not friendzoning y’all, relax)
-Levi has a tendency to just walk into your room with his laptop, point at the screen which is paused in the middle of an anime and go “Look, the protagonist is a knight. You’re also...really knightly. I like the protagonist. I, uh I like you too, I guess.”
-He loves how honest you are because he knows that no matter what you wouldn’t lie to him
-“MC, do you think I’m a yucky otaku?”
-“No.”
-“But-“
-“No.”
-“Oh ok.”
-But on the inside he’s like 🥰🥰💞💞💞💞
-I just think that a knightly MC would connect on an emotional level with Levi for a lot of reasons, idk
-He’s gonna be a sputtering mess when he realises how much effort you put into this relationship (platonic or romantic) and how loyal you are to it
-Like how you actually bother learning all of his stupid passwords because you are just as serious about them as he is
-He just crashed, give him a moment to reboot please
Satan:
-He takes a while to warm up to you because for some reason your overall demeanour reminded him of Lucifer lol
-He thought you might be just as stuck up as him
-It didn’t take him longer than a week or so to come to the sudden realisation that you are way more pleasant than his brother
-Like his daddy, you manage to earn his respect pretty quickly after that
-He just thought the way you handled everything that was thrown at you in DevilDom was very sophisticated but firm nonetheless, if that makes sense?
-Like, you weren’t itching to escalate fights or anything but your tone of voice could easily end a whole conversation if need be
-You were still a human of course, it would be real easy for some low rank demon to kidnap you or something
-But for some reason, your confidence seemed to intimidate a few of the weaker ones into leaving you alone
-Obviously, that didn’t mean you were completely safe or anything
-There were still others that could effortlessly overpower you
-Even so, Satan found it sort of reassuring that unlike some humans, you weren’t one to back down without a confrontation
-Don’t get me started on all those times you rebelled against Lucifer, because that’s what truly got him to get to know you better
-He found you pretty interesting and then that interest sort of evolved into actual fondness
-Another thing that caught his eye was that even though you have very strong feelings about justice and fairness, you are completely level headed most of the time
-And patience, while it’s something he can manage, is the one that he has been trying to control for centuries
-He learned a lot from you about behaviour, whether you intentionally taught it to him or not
-And if there is one thing Satan thinks highly of; it would be knowledge
-Therefore, from that point onward, your existence was so much more precious to him than your soul could ever be
Asmo:
-What can I say about our sweet Asmo?
-You could have the personality of a trashcan and he’d still love you
-You were so polite and honourable from the beginning to the point you managed to get the attention of the Avata of Lust himself????
-He thought you were pretty hot basically
-hoWEVER
-Your righteousness always sort of nagged him because he low-key believed Diavolo snuck in another angel into the program, I-
-And for some reason, your loyalty to everyone in general ticked him off immensely at the beginning
-Mainly because he recognised that’s one of the traits he lacks entirely and he came to the conclusion that he needs to revaluate himself on that one
-He is so desperate for your attention, he will tattle on his brothers just to get you to yell at them and then comfort him
-“MCCCCC, MAMMON STOLE MY NEWEST MAKE UP KIT AND IS ABOUT TO SELL IT ON AKUZON!”
-he is so petty istg
-Your nobility still catches him off guard every now and then
-Because you’ve been living with demons for so long and yet you’re still, theoretically speaking, pure?? get your head out of the gutter people
-He probably applauds you on the fact that you can even scare Lucifer on some occasions because imagine having a scarier death glare than the eldest prince of hell
-Asmo will personally buy you clothes that he thinks suit your “aesthetic” (wtf Asmo)
-Might’ve bought you a sword and then got shouted at by Lucifer because oops turns out it was cursed
-Again, supportive mom vibes
-“MC, do you know how stunning you look strutting around with that confidence of yours? Don’t get me started on your posTURE!”
-You pulled a chair for him once and he practically swooned lmao
Beel:
-He figures you’re really nice from the start
-Mostly because you kept running errands and opening doors for him even though he let it slip that he might lose control and eat you
-Like most brothers, he finds you comforting in a way
-Beel appreciates your honesty to him too because he can count on you to tell him when he’s doing something wrong
-And he sort of needs the validation that even though he blames himself for a lot of things that took place in the past, his brothers and you are more than ready to forgive him (even if they didn’t blame him to begin with)
-Rather than respect, Beel puts a lot of trust into you, which I would believe to be more intimate
-If it’s just the two of you hanging out, he has an easier time opening up about Lilith because he knows you would never judge him and respect his feelings enough to let him get it out of his system
-You always share your food with him and give him a bigger portion and he goes so soft-
-Like who allowed you to be this generous?
-Tbh, he thinks it’s sort of refreshing having someone like you around
-Beel has been surrounded by demons for millenniums now and he’s gotten used to their...uh ‘evilness’
-Ever since you got dropped off in DevilDom, you really stood out with your nobility and morals
-It was like a breath of fresh air in a way
-He may or may not believe you’re a good influence on his siblings-if you can even influence demons of all things
-I’m not saying he invites you to work out with him and give him honest criticism, but he definitely invites you to work out with him and give him honest criticism
Belphie:
-“Out of all the humans they could’ve chosen, they picked the most annoying one, oH MY FUCKING GO-I MEAN DAD-“
-You go up to the attic that one night after tricking Lucifer into vibing to some classical TSL tunes
-He spotted you and was immediately irritated
-Like, he KNEW you were going to be a pain in the ass just by judging your posture and how you carried yourself (very knightly)
-At the start, he’s even hesitant to lie to you because he had a suspicion you wouldn’t buy his bs
-(Spoiler alert: you didn’t but you went with it either way)
-It takes a while for you to forgive him when he literally fucking kills you because that was rude af but you got over it in time
-AFTER of the whole ‘Sorry-for-choking-you-can-we-be-friends-now’ incident, you still get on his nerves a lot but at this point, he believes that’s his punishment for being a murderous dickhead
-You don’t really piss him off tho, you just confuse him a lot
-Why are you so polite? You keep pulling chairs and opening doors for him??? Why are you treating him like royalty?? Stop it, he doesn’t want to be like Lord Diavolo (he def likes it when you do that)
-Pls stop dragging the poor man to breakfast, he just wants to sleep in-
-He doesn’t understand how you’re always one time for everything
-My dude tries to wake up 20 minutes early to get somewhere in time and he is still 2 hours late
-sTOP TRYING TO FORCE YOUR IDEALS ONTO HIM, HE’S A LITTLE SHIT WHO ENJOYS WATCHING PEOPLE SUFFER
-All the same, you’re a very forgiving person so he’s just grateful you don’t hate him or anything
-And in the end, it doesn’t really matter how much your chivalry and righteousness and all of that pisses him off every now and then
-Because he can’t deny the fact that you brought him and his brothers the peace they needed
-And he so loves it when you and Lucifer go head to head mhmm
Diavolo:
-This big tittied man right here takes a liking to you immediately
-A couple of days in DevilDom and he’s already inviting you for tea at his castle
-You managed to befriend the prince of hell faster than the demons you live with, huh
-He’s lonely ok? He loves having people over and having cozy chitchats
-Not to mention he thinks you’re such pleasant company!
-Most demons would be afraid to even say anything in his presence but you always speak your mind while continuing to be respectful and he’s so happy, you don’t understand-
-Only demons in close relations to Diavolo like Babrbatos and Lucifer actually know how much it takes for someone to anger him
-He doesn’t take offence to much lol
-And he’s really content that you acknowledged that
-He sometimes visits you in his spare time just to talk and hang out since Lucifer is a big meanie who doesn’t want to indulge him and Barbatos is busy making him dinner >:(
-SPEAKING OF- if you and Barbatos don’t bond then i don’t know what to tell you
-I mean, you would both have so many things in common (strong sense of loyalty, honesty, just in a way etc.)
-You’re his favourite guest to have over at the palace, sorry Luci you’ve been replaced
-He genuinely finds you interesting as well so please tell him stories from the human realm!! He’s dying to learn more!
-Diavolo notices you demeanour sort of gives off warrior vibes so-
-He really considered making you into a knight bc it’s Diavolo-what he says; goes
-“I know they’re human but they’ll be fine. Look how tough they are! They managed to survive a year with you and your brothers didn’t they?”
-“My Lord, that doesn’t amount to anything, please don’t get our human killed-“
#obey me#obey me asmodeus#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphegor#obey me imagines#obey me leviathan#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me satan#obey me diavolo#obey me shall we date#obey me hcs#🕯 general#☂️ demon brothers#👑 Diavolo supremacy#⭐️ requests
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Haikyuu Angst fanfic recs
EDIT: I added in the ships for each fic LOL, prolly should’ve done it like that from the beginning smh my bad :’)))))
EDIT 2: I made a pt 2 linked HERE
No one asked me to do this, but I’m providing it anyway because we all need a little angst in our lives. Right? Anyway, this entire thing is going to be something you need to read warnings, tags, and summaries in advanced because everything here will be angst. Anyhoo, in no particular order, here comes the sadness... And also don’t come at me for putting fics I’ve recommended in the past,,,, it’s an angst post I have to put all of them.
WARNING: Almost all of these fics deal with either some sort of death, trauma, or mental illness so please I BEG OF YOU to proceed with caution. Also in NO way am I romanticizing any of these things, these fics recs are merely pieces I thought were written extremely well, and that portray major events from multiple perspectives skillfully. If you are struggling, please contact a hotline and get help, you are never in this alone!
National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255
boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k /MatsuHana/ is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)
In Another Life by LittleLuxray (T) 23k /BokuAka/ it’s a classic, what can I say? You into some BokuAka angst? Here’s the fic. Go right ahead. Don’t be shy :’)
the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony (T) 30.9k /KuroKen/ again, a classic. We do love a good soulmate AU tho :)))))))
^^ I didn’t write much here cause I wrote my general thoughts on a different post (linked here) so yea it’s not that I don’t like the fic, it’s just that I didn’t want to be more redundant than I already am LOL.
Oikawa's Last Wish/es by DanaiaCake (G) 5.1k /IwaOi/ this one, man it’s short but painful LOL. Proof that angst doesn’t have to be long to completely break you ahhahah. It actually has a sequel (which is less angsty), but yea if you like finish this fic and are like broken, read it for some.... glue?
The Sky and Guilt Are the Only Feelings I Have Left by oopsthisisqueertoo (NR) 267.7k /BokuAkaKuroo/ ngl I picked it up as a rec from someone else after misreading that it was THIS long haha. But like I kept reading, and the suspense omg. It HAS a happy ending, so if you’re reading it and you start to feel empty, push through (tho take breaks) and finish because it DOES end HAPPY. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)
Made to be Broken by todxrxki (T) 8.1k /KuroKen/ this one focuses more on the after than the build up, and it made me so sad (as it should cause this is literally an angst fic rec post smh @ myself). I usually don’t cry too much but this one made the waterworks turn ON. Sighhhhhhhhhhh. Bless Akaashi.
Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k /MatsuHana/ THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)
Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (M) 15.7k /SakuAtsu/ THE MUG FIC. There was a sequel and when I saw that it took me another week to read it cause I was like,,, am I ready to have my heart break again? No LOL. But the sequel is actually not as angst, so if you want like a semi-broken whatever, just read the sequel LOL. It’s so sad and it made me physically hurt every time someone even mentioned mugs afterwards (LOL why am I so dramatic but it’s the truth :///). Go ahead and hurt with me.
Crumbling Foundations by Captain_Hughes_ZU, ToshiChan (T) 106.3k /MULTI/ I was debating whether or not to put this fic cause it actually doesn’t even have the angst tag (which I personally think it should). Honestly, it’s more a trauma fic than an angst fic idk I just wanted to put it somewhere because it’s written super well and although it was technically a ‘happy ending’ the interviews after prove else. Despite only being rated T, it’s got some intense TW so (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)
arbitrary nature of thought. by wadingpool (NR) 5.6k /SunaOsa/ this....... ah... ahh.... The pain...... I really love the SunaAtsu friendship agenda. The ending was happy (I keep doing this LOL) but the build up to the break,,,,, AHHHH. Yea the ending was really heartwarming....... BUT THE BEGINNING. Yea it really jumbled me up..... JFLJDSFLKJHDLFHS
How To Be A Kick-Ass Brother: A Guide by Miya Atsumu by Egosdelirium (E) 25k /SakuAtsu + SunaOsa/ what personal vendetta do I have against Osamu? Nothing, literally nothing he just happens to always suffer in the fics I choose oops. This fic is one I really like, and it portrays the close outsider’s perspective on a horrific event really well. I was iffy on putting this in because it’s not really the angst type I was going for (more death less trauma?) but I really liked this fic, and while I was making my end note, I kept thinking about it so yea. Atsumu best boy. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)
You might be thinking, done already? Wellllllll there were a lot of fics where I decided against putting them on (cause I felt like it didn’t really match what I wanted to be recommending but idk what the theme was LOL oops but yea I would look at a fic and think well it is angst but not the right TYPE of angst y’know?) and I really hate reading angst (there’s a lot of days where I shouldn’t cause my mental health said no thanks LOL). Also I wanted like FULL angst fics, but most of them have like happy endings (which made some of these iffy and is good but also it wasn’t what I wanted to put :////) So yes, I may add to this post (we’ll see) but like it’ll depend on whether I can convince myself that reading angst at 4 am is a good idea LOL. (pls recommend me some too!)
#angst#angst fic recs#haikyuu fanfic rec#fanfics#fanfic recs#anime#manga#iwaoi#matsuhana#kuroken#bokuaka#sakuatsu#sunaosa#sunaatsu#karasuno#multiship#bokuakakuroo#kuroobokuaka#guys angst it up#anyway have fun crying#lol my bad#im sorry#but am I?#no lol#it's ok#i made myself sad making this#haha oops#i'm fine tho LOL#haikyuu fic recs#haikyuu!!
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“Uh…because your sister is getting married in less than two months, and you needed the overtime to pay for the ridiculous over-the-top bachelorette party she wants.”
Yeesh! What the hell does this sister want to do?! 😱
“Oh, Max, it’s fine. You only get married once!” He arched an eyebrow at her. “Okay,” a giggle burst out of her, “Hopefully, she only gets married once!”
No... don't get your hopes up... 🤣
Riley turned toward the voice to find the pilot striding toward them. Captain Liam Rys stopped in front of the flight attendants to announce, “There’s a blizzard headed straight for us.” “Maybe we could just fly out right now—” Riley started hopefully. “That’s a negative,” Liam cut her off, “that would put me over my flight limit for the day. We’ll proceed to the hotel as planned and hope for the best but be prepared to spend Christmas here.”
Eugh... Getting grounded by weather is the worst... I once got stuck in Vancouver overnight bc they got 1 cm of snow... 1 CM!!!! Wtf?! This is Canada people!!
“Remind me why you agreed to fly into Estonia, the blizzard capital of the world, two days before Christmas?” Max grumbled.
Is this true...? 👀👀👀 Not something I've heard before tbh! But then, I've never been to the Baltic states...
Liam averted his eyes, unwilling to tell Max that was on purpose. Bertrand had requested that Max not be on the same flight as himself after the younger Beaumont’s enthusiasm became embarrassing for him. Max had gushed to a passenger about his pride in his older sibling, proudly articulating that, “My brother’s the co-pilot. He’s really good at it. He’s almost good enough to be the pilot!”
BERTRAND!!!
But also Max 🤣🤣🤣
“You will?” Max’s head whipped around in surprise. Liam had never expressed an interest in seeing him outside of work before. “Well, he was a little snippy,” Riley observed as Liam disappeared down the sky bridge. “But did he seem….I don’t know…interested in-“ a flush crawled up his neck and then flared across his face, “Never mind. Of course not.”
Aww his excitement is adorable! 🥰
“Yeah, but then we saw a movie,” Max reminded her. Turning to Liam, he rambled excitedly, “This hotel has a theater in it. There was popcorn and everything! And then we took a cooking class! Can you believe that? The hotel chef hosts a class here once a week, but they did an extra class today because it snowed everyone in.”
Where is this hotel? I want to go!
Drake grabbed his water glass and chugged the cold liquid down to cover the fact that he had not heard a word of the conversation since Riley stopped talking.
He's probably busy imagining her in the bubble bath 🤣
He was still picturing her in that bubble bath.
Ahhhh!! Called it!! I'm reblogging as I go
The gym here is excellent. Since I couldn’t go for a run, I hit the heavy bags and then swam a few laps.” “How many is a few?” Max asked. “Twenty.”
Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣
Drake’s eyes flicked to Max as he answered before landing quickly back on Riley’s face searching for any clue that she was impressed, or at least interested in him. Not that he cared. She was a coworker, and he didn’t date coworkers.
“You don’t want to ask her to dance?” Liam nodded across the room to the dance floor where Max and Riley were laughing and twirling to the music. Drake followed Liam’s eyes and froze as he watched her sway and shimmy to the thump of heavy base. “I don’t dance.” “I’ve seen you dance.” “Not well.” “So, you’re worried about embarrassing yourself in front of her?”
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, man.” “I’m a stick in the mud and you know it. I was the president of my debate team. He was the lead in his school’s production of Beetle Juice.” “How do you know- “ “Bertrand told me.” “So, you’ve been pumping his brother for information?”
“Not the point. He’s amazing and fun and talented and I’m….me.” “Liam, come on, man, you-“ “When I was twelve, I read law books for fun.” “Geez, okay. Never mind. You’re definitely going to die alone.”
Dying...!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“You fly planes for a living,” Drake reminded him. “In my experience, a lot of people find that sexy.” “Yes, well, I know your experience is quite extensive in that area but-“ “Are you calling me a man whore?”
“Insult me all you want, but it isn’t going to change the fact that you’ve got it bad. You should just tell him.” “Oh, okay, Mr. I don’t like Riley.” Fuck.
CAUGHT!!
Max flushed, “Ah….I think I might have a thing for Liam.” “Wait…what?” Riley shrieked, then clapped her hands over her mouth. “I don’t know….” Max dropped his eyes to the table. “I mean, you know, he’s hot or whatever.”
'or whatever' 🤣🤣🤣 He sounds like a 14-year old!
“Sure, but Liam isn’t just a pretty face, Riley! He’s so fucking smart and serious. He’s sophisticated, and there’s just no way he’d be into a goofball like me.”
Oh this angst is so adorable! The fact that they both think the other won't like them... 🥹🥹🥹 They better get together by the end of this or I will raise hell
Do you remember what my father said when I told him I wanted to be a flight attendant?” “Yes, but on the bright side, it was the first time he acknowledged your sexual orientation.”
😐
“You really are a stick in the mud,” Drake laughed as the server cleared their table and asked if he could get them anything else. “Yeah, an unopened bottle of what we’ve been drinking tonight.”
Geeze, Walker! Don't you have a plane to fly in the morning?!
Drake chuckled to himself as he took the bottle from the server and thrust a handful of bills at him. He started for the door, then thought better of it and backtracked to the bar, reaching across and grabbing a clean tumbler to take to his room with him.
It wasn’t so much that he saw her as he felt her presence. His head lifted and his eyes somehow went straight to her despite the dozen or so people between him and the table she was seated at. Without making a conscious decision, his body angled in her direction, and he made his way over to her, reminding himself the whole way that he didn’t get involved with coworkers.
Yeah, yeah... whatever... Now go shag each other like you want to 😆
All I Want for Christmas Part 1
Series: Cordonian Royal Airlines
Fandom: The Royal Romance
Pairings for series: Various
Pairing for this chapter: Riley x Drake, Liam x Max
Word Count: 2,475
Rating: General
Warnings for this chapter: None
A/N: Listen. I had an idea for the @choicesprompts #rewritechallenge holiday edition. I had the whole scene in my head, but then I decided it needed a little lead-up. Then I decided the lead-up needed a lead-up and then these characters completely just took over, threw my script out the window, and took a whole detour to examine a little budding romance between Liam and Max when this story was supposed to be focused on Drake and Riley (and it still is, mostly).
Long story short, it got a little out of hand so I have split it into two chapters. I'm tagging all of the following:
@choicesprompts rewrite challenge, holiday edition TRR x Untamed Heart (one of my all-time favorite movies). @choicesficwriterscreations holiday prompt: Stuck together in the snow; @choicesdecember2023 Christmas and @choicesholidays: This is the worst Christmas ever.
“Goodbye, Mrs. Lassiter, have a pleasant stay!” Riley waved with a smile painted on her face as the last passenger debarked. The smile faded from her face as the guests disappeared down the jet bridge and her eyes took in the heavy snowfall blanketing the runway.
Max noticed her despondent expression. “You okay, Ri?”
She turned toward her best friend and coworker with a sigh. “Remind me again why I volunteered to work this flight?”
“Uh…because your sister is getting married in less than two months, and you needed the overtime to pay for the ridiculous over-the-top bachelorette party she wants.”
“Right. Amelia,” Riley nodded to herself, “I’m doing this for her.”
“I think you do too much for her, Ri,” Max clucked at her like a mother hen, “She takes advantage of your generous nature.”
“Oh, Max, it’s fine. You only get married once!”
He arched an eyebrow at her.
“Okay,” a giggle burst out of her, “Hopefully, she only gets married once!”
“Frankly, I’m surprised she found anyone willing to marry her. Is there something wrong with him?”
“Max!” Riley laughed as she thumped him playfully on the shoulder before turning serious. “I just hope we’re able to take off tomorrow as planned.” Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and she had promised her mother she’d be home so she could spend Christmas day with her parents and siblings.
“I wouldn’t count on it.”
Riley turned toward the voice to find the pilot striding toward them. Captain Liam Rys stopped in front of the flight attendants to announce, “There’s a blizzard headed straight for us.”
“Maybe we could just fly out right now—” Riley started hopefully.
“That’s a negative,” Liam cut her off, “that would put me over my flight limit for the day. We’ll proceed to the hotel as planned and hope for the best but be prepared to spend Christmas here.”
“Remind me why you agreed to fly into Estonia, the blizzard capital of the world, two days before Christmas?” Max grumbled.
Liam’s eyes flicked to him in annoyance. “Because of the obscene amount of money Mr. Lassiter was willing to pay for me to do so. You’ll thank me when you get your next paycheck and there’s a substantial bonus on it, on top of the holiday bonus you just received.”
“It’s okay,” Max shrugged with a tinge of disappointment in his tone, “My brother is in Japan anyway.”
Liam’s expression softened a little. “I’m sure he wishes he could spend Christmas with you.”
“Well, he’s flying with Leo, which he loves. I’m just disappointed that we’re almost never assigned to the same flight.”
Liam averted his eyes, unwilling to tell Max that was on purpose. Bertrand had requested that Max not be on the same flight as himself after the younger Beaumont’s enthusiasm became embarrassing for him. Max had gushed to a passenger about his pride in his older sibling, proudly articulating that, “My brother’s the co-pilot. He’s really good at it. He’s almost good enough to be the pilot!”
Liam shuffled his feet awkwardly, then nodded at Max, “Yes, well…. See you at the hotel.”
“You will?” Max’s head whipped around in surprise. Liam had never expressed an interest in seeing him outside of work before.
“Well, he was a little snippy,” Riley observed as Liam disappeared down the sky bridge.
“But did he seem….I don’t know…interested in-“ a flush crawled up his neck and then flared across his face, “Never mind. Of course not.”
Riley’s brow furrowed. “Interested in what?”
“Nothing. Let’s just get this cabin cleaned up so we can go.”
***
Riley awoke the next morning to sheets of snow pouring from the sky, blanketing the city in white as far as she could see from her hotel window. Which wasn’t that far. The snow was coming down too fast and too thick for her to see past the parking lot.
“Shit!” She aggressively pulled the curtains closed and dove back under the covers.
***
“So, what have you two been up to all day?” Liam asked as the four-member flight crew sat down for dinner in the hotel restaurant.
“Well, I slept in, then I called my mom to let her know I wouldn’t be making it home today and probably not tomorrow either. Then I drown my sorrows in a steaming hot bubble bath.” Riley responded as she pulled the menu over to her.
“Yeah, but then we saw a movie,” Max reminded her. Turning to Liam, he rambled excitedly, “This hotel has a theater in it. There was popcorn and everything! And then we took a cooking class! Can you believe that? The hotel chef hosts a class here once a week, but they did an extra class today because it snowed everyone in.”
Liam smiled at Max’s enthusiasm. “That sounds like fun. Now I feel boring. I read all day. Drake, what about you?”
“What about me?” Drake was busy shoveling a complimentary roll into his mouth.
Riley laughed. “Have you not been listening to the conversation? He wants to know what you did to keep busy today, you dork.”
Drake grabbed his water glass and chugged the cold liquid down to cover the fact that he had not heard a word of the conversation since Riley stopped talking. He was still picturing her in that bubble bath. When he sat the glass down, he responded, “I did my usual morning workout. The gym here is excellent. Since I couldn’t go for a run, I hit the heavy bags and then swam a few laps.”
“How many is a few?” Max asked.
“Twenty.” Drake’s eyes flicked to Max as he answered before landing quickly back on Riley’s face searching for any clue that she was impressed, or at least interested in him.
Not that he cared. She was a coworker, and he didn’t date coworkers.
“All before lunch?” She raised an eyebrow.
He wasn’t sure if she found his morning activities impressive or stupid. Her expression gave away nothing. “I find it hard to sit still,” he answered.
Liam scoffed, “You sit in the cockpit for hours at a time.”
“First of all, that’s different. I’m doing plenty as you well know and second of all, that’s why I need more physical movement when I’m on the ground.”
“Makes sense to me!” Max nodded emphatically as the waitress arrived with the menus.
They ordered their food and ate while making companionable chit chat. After dinner, Max suggested they continue the night across the lobby.
The hotel bar was crowded. The four coworkers quickly parted in the crowd. Drake and Liam navigated to a small table in the back and ordered drinks.
“You don’t want to ask her to dance?” Liam nodded across the room to the dance floor where Max and Riley were laughing and twirling to the music.
Drake followed Liam’s eyes and froze as he watched her sway and shimmy to the thump of heavy base. “I don’t dance.”
“I’ve seen you dance.”
“Not well.”
“So, you’re worried about embarrassing yourself in front of her?”
“What? No!” Drake reached for the tumbler of single malt scotch as the server placed it on the table in front of him and took a long pull as his mind spun with ways to shift the conversation away from his nonexistent love life. “What’s going on with you and Max?”
Liam startled so hard that bourbon sloshed over the rim of his glass. He stared at Drake in a blind panic. “What do you mean?”
“I mean….you usually pay no attention to what the flight attendants are doing when we have layovers. Yet you invited everyone to dinner tonight and you’re the one that was watching them dance. I’m pretty sure you’re not into Riley because if you were, you wouldn’t be pushing me toward her. So that leaves Max. Tell me I’m wrong.”
He lowered his glass to the table with a sigh. “It’s that obvious?”
“To me, but I’ve known you for a long time, Li.”
Liam blew out a long breath. “Shit.”
“Why don’t you just tell him you’re interested?”
“No,” Liam shook his head vigorously, “I can’t do that!”
“Why not?”
“So many reasons! Starting with the fact that I’m his boss and that’s a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.”
“Not if he likes you back,” Drake countered.
“That’s not likely.”
Again, Drake asked, “Why not?”
Liam scoffed as he gestured toward the dance floor. “I mean, look at him! He’s fun and popular and hilariously funny. And look at those dance moves! He’s interesting and cool. What could he possibly see in me?”
“Hey, don’t sell yourself short, man.”
“I’m a stick in the mud and you know it. I was the president of my debate team. He was the lead in his school’s production of Beetle Juice.”
“How do you know- “
“Bertrand told me.”
“So, you’ve been pumping his brother for information?”
“Not the point. He’s amazing and fun and talented and I’m….me.”
“Liam, come on, man, you-“
“When I was twelve, I read law books for fun.”
“Geez, okay. Never mind. You’re definitely going to die alone.”
“Shut up,” Liam laughed, “I know you think I’m being dramatic.“
“You fly planes for a living,” Drake reminded him. “In my experience, a lot of people find that sexy.”
“Yes, well, I know your experience is quite extensive in that area but-“
“Are you calling me a man whore?”
“If the shoe fits….” Liam muttered into his drink.
“Insult me all you want, but it isn’t going to change the fact that you’ve got it bad. You should just tell him.”
“Oh, okay, Mr. I don’t like Riley.”
Fuck. Drake took another long drink. The conversation had come full circle. His eyes drifted across the room to find her again. She was still with Max.
***
Riley led Max off the dance floor and to a table as she flagged down a server for some water. “What’s up with you tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ve been acting squirely all night and you keep looking around like you’re searching for somebody. What’s that about?”
Max flushed, “Ah….I think I might have a thing for Liam.”
“Wait…what?” Riley shrieked, then clapped her hands over her mouth.
“I don’t know….” Max dropped his eyes to the table. “I mean, you know, he’s hot or whatever.”
“Max!” She slapped his shoulder. “Since when? And why didn’t you tell me?”
He shrugged. “Just recently I’ve started to notice him more, that’s all. He’s always being nice to me and- “
“He’s nice to everyone.”
“I know, but it’s more than that! I can’t explain it, okay? It’s just…the way he looks at me sometimes….”
“I have never seen you act shy before! You hit on that model last week!”
“Oh, him? Yeah, but that was just--”
“That man is an international star, and you had zero qualms asking for his snap.”
“I know, but- “
“And he gave it to you!”
“Sure, but Liam isn’t just a pretty face, Riley! He’s so fucking smart and serious. He’s sophisticated, and there’s just no way he’d be into a goofball like me.”
“Ah, Maxey, anyone with half a brain would be into you.”
“You’re just saying that because you’re my best friend.”
“Yes. But also because it’s true.”
“No, it’s not. I’m the general fuckup in my family. Just ask Bertrand. Or my father.”
“Max, you’re not a fuckup!” Riley admonished. “You’re just different from your brother and father, thank God! I’m sorry, I know you love him, but Bertrand is the most boring man alive, and your father is a dick, so please don’t judge yourself by his opinion of you.”
“Bert’s not boring. He just had to grow up fast. My father put a lot of pressure on him and he, unlike me, rose to the challenge. I mean, look at us. He’s a pilot and I’m a flight attendant. Do you remember what my father said when I told him I wanted to be a flight attendant?”
“Yes, but on the bright side, it was the first time he acknowledged your sexual orientation.”
Max snorted, “That’s not funny, Riley.”
“You laughed.”
He bumped her shoulder with his own with an amused shake of his head, “If your point is that my father is a homophobic, controlling, abusive asshole whose opinion should mean nothing to me or anyone else with a lick of self-respect, then point taken.” He lifted his glass to her.
She lifted hers and tapped it into his with a grin. “My work here is done. Now go over there and ask him to shoot darts or something.”
***
“All right, well, this has been fun, but I’m going up to bed now.” Liam pushed away from the table and stood up, stretching as he did so.
“You really are a stick in the mud,” Drake laughed as the server cleared their table and asked if he could get them anything else. “Yeah, an unopened bottle of what we’ve been drinking tonight.”
Liam turned to go but froze as a voice that sent heat shocking through him spoke, “Hey…Liam….you wanna…go play darts or something?”
He turned to find Max smiling at him. Trying to push down the rising panic in his throat, his eyes flicked to Drake, who just gave him an amused smile, then back to Max, who looked uncharacteristically nervous. “Uh…. sure.”
“Great!” Relief washed across Max’s features. Then he remembered himself and begrudgingly turned to include Drake in the invitation. “Would you like to join us?”
“Nah, I’m good. You two go ahead. I’ve got a bottle of top-shelf whiskey, and this hotel has steak on their room service menu. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay then, goodnight and Merry Christmas,” Liam didn’t meet Drake’s eyes as he waved bye and then followed Max to the dart boards lined up against the far wall.
Drake chuckled to himself as he took the bottle from the server and thrust a handful of bills at him. He started for the door, then thought better of it and backtracked to the bar, reaching across and grabbing a clean tumbler to take to his room with him.
He had to dodge a bunch of drunk people on his way back, causing him to veer off course until he was damn near on the other side of the room.
It wasn’t so much that he saw her as he felt her presence. His head lifted and his eyes somehow went straight to her despite the dozen or so people between him and the table she was seated at. Without making a conscious decision, his body angled in her direction, and he made his way over to her, reminding himself the whole way that he didn’t get involved with coworkers.
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SO! Unrelated to the current madness - I finally decided to buy my own place. I recently went out to have a looksie at an apartment that I've been eyeing on and off for a couple of years, and the price has never been this affordable... Although what I have in saving is less than what I'd like, but I'm at a place financially speaking idk, I feel like I could handle it? I don't have long term plans to stay at my current city in like, 5 years or whatever, but I just feel like I've been at a stagnant for ages and this is a huge opportunity to change things up but I'm also terrified because commitment issue and generally also scared of change and not knowing wtf I'm doing and whatnot.
In conclusion this past week has been absolutely giddily insane because not only I'm dreading about buying a place I'm also dreading whatever the hell is gonna go down at Dencon. Anyway thank you for reading this weird vent!
ahhhh that is SO exciting, congrats!!! i'm so happy for you, that's the kind of grown up stressful decision that is worth the stress dshfshf so yay for you! <3 i hope this weekend will give you much needed fun distraction!
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For langblr asks: 7, 10, 11, 18, and 49
Thanks!! This may get long, so I apologise in advance! I’m learning German and Esperanto alongside Chinese, but since my German is fairly advanced and I don’t really learn actively any more (I just read, listen to talks etc - mainly because I have no reason to actively speak German sadly) and my Esperanto is basic I’ll just talk about Chinese.
7 - What are some things that you learned about language learning that really improved your studying?
- Hands down learning about the role of attention in language learning. In an ideal situation, you are exposed to the target feature, then have your attention drawn to it/figure it out yourself, and are then exposed to it in natural language again. I think we all know the wild experience when you learn a word and then magically the universe provides it - and suddenly you know that word forever. I now like to think of word ‘learning’ as incremental rather than binary: recognising a word in a familiar context, an unfamiliar context, and then finally using the word are all different levels of ‘knowing’ that word. What this means in practice is that I worry less about not being able to use all the vocabulary actively that I recognise passively, because I know once I do use it actively that item will be easier to access. So there are two things here: first of all, that I don’t worry if I’m watching or reading something and don’t actively extract vocab from it, because I know that hearing it will make it easier to remember later on; and secondly, that if I ‘pay attention’ to a word but don’t ‘learn’ it because I haven’t seen it in context, that state of not knowing is temporary. The moment I see it in context - sometimes months later, when I had completely ‘forgotten’ that word - I know what it is. So I don’t stress as much about not being able to remember words from flashcards or whatever, because I know that seeing/hearing them in context is what cements that word, not just repetition.
10 - What are some thing that you love about the language you’re learning?
Oh my goodness. So many things. I love characters; they used to absolutely drive me crazy, but the ability to read after so long being unable to read now just feels wonderfully exciting every single time. I love learning about different components and how they combine together. I love too that the idea of ‘the word’ is tied so intimately to characters: there are psycholinguistic experiments showing that Chinese native speakers learning English show interference effects when two words are presented in English that have the same component (not even whole character!) and it slows down decision making. I love the way that tone and intonation interact and I love seeing how far I’ve come from not understanding how I could express emotion at all. I love what Chinese shows about the power of the second language learner: it’s incredibly homophonous because of limited syllables even with tones, and it’s radical pro-drop, the more formal you are the shorter/more concise sentences tend to be, and when you’re in a different dialect/Chinese language even those useful initials or finals can change and still you know what is being said. It’s incredible. I love the sound of <q> and <j> and <x> and especially the final <ing>.
The thing I love most about Chinese is its conciseness and elegance. I love learning about different systems of politeness and register and Literary Chinese is just so incredibly concise: if learning modern standard Mandarin is interesting, Literary Chinese is just...it blows my mind. It’s very unique: and I don’t mean this in the sense of ‘oh look how Exotic and Different’, I mean this typologically: it’s arguably the most analytical language in the world and is regularly used in linguistics papers to exemplify phenomena found in such highly analytical languages. I also think the encoding of order-based pragmatics into actual linguistic implicature is absolutely so cool.
I love the difference registers it has, and I love that it feels such a good language to moan about the bus being late in and also, you know, that kind of poetry which just takes your breath away. I love how the same sentence can be expressed in different registers and how grammar patterns from literary Chinese can be used in modern Chinese. I love how compounding and derivational morphology work in Chinese (it’s absolutely nuts?? and so versatile??) and I love how names carry so much meaning. I love it for its ambiguity and conciseness and completely *shrug* lack of need to express tense or person because you know, if you know you know.
And from a synesthete’s point of view, Chinese is beautiful too: it’s a crisp clear dawn-like language, cool and misty.
Finally, I love it for what it has taught me. It’s the first tonal language I’ve ever learnt, and the learning curve has been huge. Parts of it have been massively frustrating (we’ll get to that). I remember the week before I went to China for the first time hurriedly trying to learn some phrases, and I just couldn’t get them to stick in my head. I think I practiced ‘good morning’ about 10,000 times and I still couldn't say it right, or remember it. Languages were sort of my thing - I had taken my German GCSE early, done French and Spanish 0-GCSE in one year each, done three language A-levels (Spanish in five months because I dropped out of another A-level, self-taught German) as well as an extracurricular Latin GCSE. I was cocky!! And so not being able to do it was crushing at first and also just, what?? So learning Chinese has taught me patience, and it’s a useful bench-mark now if I ever feel like I can’t do anything. It’s taught me that you just need patience and determination, and that you'll get there in the end. Genuinely, that’s the most useful lesson I’ve learnt in my short life.
11 - What are some things that you don’t like / find frustrating about the language you’re learning?
Originally, I found both the pronunciation and characters immensely frustrating. I think I’m over those hurdles, and now what annoys me most is the grammar - and if anyone says there is no grammar in Chinese I may just murder you. Chinese grammar is hard because, as I’ve talked about before, a lot of rests on sentence patterns and a lot of it seems to shift in ways that, say, Spanish grammar doesn’t, depending on context, formality and so on. But the reason Chinese grammar is difficult is again because the categories it manipulates are ones that don’t map perfectly onto what we think is being manipulated. So we build representations in our mind and try to learn structures without realising that a lot of it is patterns, not something set in stone. This includes phenomena like topic-marking, fronting, emphasis and so on. The most ‘grammar’-like of Chinese grammar actually is based in large parts in implicatures and the pragmatic-semantic interface, which is very hard to teach. This is why I think that input is especially crucial in Chinese.
Also, embedded wh-questions are hard.
As I’m learning more, though, this is all gradually becoming less frustrating. I don’t want to jinx anything and I still have a lot to learn, but I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the worst is behind me. Things are making a lot more sense now anyway!!!
18 - Have you had any conversations with natives of your target language/s? How did that go?
Haha, of course. I lived in China for six months and then visited again for two months. I also work as an English teacher online and have a lot of Chinese students. I also sometimes chat with other Chinese students in the German classes I was taking. I’m really excited though to go back to China though now that I’m a little bit better and see how I can improve from there!!! I feel like last time I wasn’t really at a good enough level to improve quickly; I think this time would be really hard, but I can communicate well enough that I hope people wouldn’t switch back to English.
One of the problems I have always had though has been that my pronunciation sounded better than my knowledge of the language - because of immersion. So people always assumed I understood way more than I actually did which was always terrible because I never knew wtf was going on.
One really really nice conversation I had recently: in my English class, a young girl’s mother asked if I could explain the present simple vs present continuous to her daughter...in Chinese. And regardless of what nonsense I said, the little girl understood! Ahhhh that warm glowy feeling of human connection and accomplishment.
49 - What are your language goals for 2021?
Since I’m learning quite intensively at the moment, these goals will be appropriately intense. Gulp.
1) Pass HSK5 (March). This is my biggest goal, and the first time I’ve ever worked towards a language exam so I’m a little nervous. I think it’s do-able (especially with the help of the course that I’m taking, HSK Online), but still large enough to be scary.
2) Be able to write all words up to HSK5 by hand (July). I have a little more time for this one - normally I don’t think handwriting is particularly important, but since I’m going to be studying in a Chinese university next year with the dreaded 听写 I need to be able to do it. They sort you into groups depending on your exam results, and if I can’t handwrite more than 我 then I’m not going to get very far. How do I plan on achieving this? I’m planning maybe on buying a subscription to Skritter again and working through (I really like them), but most importantly, just handwriting freely in a notebook and building up the habit.
3) Be able to read at the same speed as the subtitles. I know, I know, most people can. But I can’t lmao so let me practice.
4) Be in a good place to take HSK6 in early 2022. I don’t actually know if I’m going to take the HSK6 exam: maybe not. HSK5 is only important for me because I need it for a scholarship. But as random as some of the words are, it’s a very good benchmark and a useful list. Considering I’ll have from March until the end of the year, and from the end of June onwards I’ll be in a Mandarin-speaking environment (and be in a Chinese university from August/September) I think it’ll set me up well. It’s way too much to do by the end of the year though, so this goal is just to do as much as I can before 2022.
5) Read the first Harry Potter in Chinese. Guys, I’m not looking to understand the descriptions of the moat or Hagrid’s beard. But I want to be able to read the dialogue with ease, and be able to dip in and out of the book with ease.
6) Complete my literary Chinese textbook (mid-year).
7) Be able to watch shows like Streetdance of China without subs. I can watch some shows already without subs, but I often feel that’s more to do with galaxy-brain thinking, ‘reading the room’ and being lazy than actually understanding all the words. Despite shows like the Untamed having more ‘difficult’ vocab, I find them a lot easier to understand than variety shows etc because the audio is extremely clear and not too fast. Watching Nirvana in Fire without subs will have to be a goal for 2022 lmao; no way will that happen by this time next year.
8) Learn the top 1000 traditional characters and practice reading traditional more. This is not as hard as it sounds: past about the top 500, many of them differ in very predictable ways.
And here are three long-term goals I have no time limits on:
1) Read MDZS and TGCF in Chinese. Ahhh. The dream.
2) Read lots of wuxia!!!!!!! All the wuxia!!!!!!!! Be able to read actual books, imagine.
3) Use Chinese for academic research on Chinese dialects and Tibetan languages. This is kind of...my career path...so!
Thanks for the ask!!
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Ep. #4 - “I’m extending a bridge to you” (Zach)
There is zero upside to being captain. If captains are swapped, then I'm basically screwed, and if they pick, then I have to reveal my allegiances to people still in the game. I absolutely do not want to be captain. I'm not crazy about Zach being it either, I'd prefer it to be someone like Kyle or Grace, but if Zach is going to push for it we will see what happens
https://youtu.be/9jTSUqwcuPU Confessional 7 (Round 3 #2)
Voting out Chrissa was probably one of the hardest votes I've ever had to encountered, and it honestly really hurts. For me, voting her out was the best strategically because we talked the least. And by the time tribal started, I ended up in alliances of 3 with Will & Megan and JJ & Julian respectively. Given the ranking system, we are all expecting some sort of tribe swap, which might be best for my game so long as I have someone else on my tribe with me. However, JJ recently got into a lot of trouble. Stuff about sending nudes because he "perceived there to be consent". Yikes. Apparently other people know about it too, which makes sense because this call happened in tengaged about it. We are thinking he might be removed, but we don't know what's to happen yet. I think most of us are running under the assumption that he'd be voted out next tribal should he not be removed. It's pretty gross what he did, and I definitely won't be aligned with him any longer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTzwD-rR8Ws&feature=youtu.be
I am happy JJ is out of the game, both because he deserves it based on his behavior and because one less number. The tribe challenge has me worried. I hope it is a challenge with Zach representing us, because he is good and it also keeps him a bigger target than me. If it's a swap, I'm very nervous and will probably have to paint myself as being on the outs if I end up in a minority, which would almost certainly happen relative to the other two tribes. No matter what, the backstabbing is probably going to start very soon, so buckle your seatbelts everyone.
Confessional 9: https://youtu.be/WhBt-uWOdEA Confessional 10: https://youtu.be/1ZbVWE-2AqM
volunteering for the summit bc im bored and wanna just be a bit risky. i feel like if a twist gets leashed upon me, it'll be surface level. Praying for the best!
Tribe Summit - https://youtu.be/46NdXf1N37U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeX4PKTjQlw&feature=youtu.be
https://youtu.be/96RCT99DDWI Confessional #8 (Round 4 Confessional #1) Contents: JJ's removal, the summit, Kyle's removal, new tribe.
Holy shit so we've had a tribe swap and two removals. Both kinda shocking and completely out of the blue what had happened. Oddly still not the craziest thing I've seen done on either end of org playing but still. So far with the new tribe I feel I got the good end of the stick with zach and Collin and myself staying together for the most part kinda wish we had all stayed together because of you know being out numbered by returning players there's the enitial Holy shit fuck I'm screwed feeling but so far the tribe seems pretty cool. Which is odd and weird from what I've heard for Tumblr games from my understanding they're the more cutthroat game but so far everything has kinda been predictable in placements just as an outsider looking in but ya know. So far I'm really enjoying Abby she seems pretty cool and like I could work with her for a while but yeah that's all for now
post swap BIG boy confessional https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyooK5AHp1Y&feature=youtu.be
https://youtu.be/6IrXzJm6qNk
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https://youtu.be/MoJSBeUUdWQ
https://youtu.be/CSKB4qzvWU0 Group Confessional #1 Catching up on Each other's games and preparing for what the swap has in store for us
Uhm hi so a lot has happened and I'm sorry I didn't do confessionals before describing it all but yah -Not sure if I did a conf for the last round but basically the challenge was more flash games (yay fml) and my tribe flopped yet again (yay) -We decided to vote out chrissa unan but chrissa apparently voted for me so that was cute, already breaking my goal of not getting votes so early THANKS CHRISSA -Then JJ got removed from the game for sexually harassing ppl which is NOT COOl but then my tribe was down to four members and thats just sad luv -Then there was a random ass ranking for this summit thing and i was like wtf i dont know but I kinda figured id be getting voted as the team captain for my tribe which like eeeek could potentially put a target on my back but also i like these people and i think they like me so i'll just accept it -turns out the other tribe captains voted in were Johnny and Zach and I was like well thats cute tbh i think i like both of them (i have been on zoom calls in friend groups with zachary lately and although he is pretty quiet he seems like a nice person) (and i think i know johnny from a sequester mini before and hes a brother of aepi which is basically the partner fraternity to the sorority i was in called aephi and so were basically connected by greek life blood because hes a pi and im a phi and yas Jews -Okay anyway i volunteer to not be a tribe captain because 1. i didnt want the blood on my hands for picking a tribe (memories of svalbard ahhhh) and 2. i wanted to be on johnny's tribe hehehehe. so i did that and then i let johnny pick first and guess what!! he picked me first on his tribe!! even before anyone from his og tribe!! i thought that was weird but really cool -the new tribe seemed pretty cool and chill and i thought i was digging everyone BUT THEN kyle makes fucking COMMENTS ABOUT JEW STEREOTYPES and i was like SIR and i kinda missed everything in the heat of the moment but basically kyle got removed and im not surprised he did because to my knowledge, i already know of three fkn jews on our tribe (benji me and johnny) and we have a jew host so like why kyle would make comments like that is beyond me but WHY DO I KEEP GETTING PUT ON TRIBES WITH CRAZY PPL -anyway right now i adore johnny and i want to work with him i feel like he and i vibe so well together and we are already planning on making a stoner alliance with abi and jay from his OG tribe lmfaooo -i also like grace and julian on my tribe and benji so far is really cool and isabelle is a sweetheart so i really just hope we dont lose the next challenge and have to vote someone out because i like these people so far and i wanna get to know them more -this has been a really mentally difficult week both in game and in real life and im sorry i havent been doing more confessionals but ive really just needed a huge break due to everything thats been going on
I've locked in a five person alliance with original An (Johnny Isabelle and Benji), plus Adam. Johnny I'm connected to with Trace, Isabelle and I somehow both go to Georgetown, and I like speaking with Benji. I don't know how this alliance interacts with original alliance, that's future me's problem, but I really like this group
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If Megan “may have accidentally” found out information from the other tribe, then I “may have accidentally” decided to shift the target onto her. Somebody not purely abiding by the rules of the game is somebody I won’t completely trust
So JJ and Kyle both got removed. OOP!!! Now to figure out how messy this game is gonna be. Will Will and I be able to play middle for our first tribal and get to choose between returnees and newbies? hopefully. More on that scoop later!
https://youtu.be/vGd9Ik49CmU Confessional #10 (Round 4 Confessional #3)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stpzz7-cKUg
Confessional 11: https://youtu.be/ad2R99H1g1k
https://youtu.be/PjodrB6CgLo
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https://youtu.be/y0n7YKB0EF0
NOOOOOOO HOW COULD WE OF LOST we had everything planned i do feel kinda safe I've talked to abby mostly and i think i have a girls alliance in the works with her but for now being the only two female identifying people on the tribe. We have to pull in some boys but we've got our old tribe mates which lucky for me is my main alliance from that tribe not having Michael is a big yay because love him but pretty sure he was planning on flipping on us to work with some people from the an tribe but ya know it is what it is and hopefully this is the only trival Council we have to go to and hopefully from the sounds of it it's Eric going home so hopefully that's the case and i don't end up voinv home because FYCUCJUCK THAT SHIT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9YueU_paNg&feature=youtu.be
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Of the players left on my tribe, I think Megan is the biggest threat to my game, with many cross-tribe ties. Last night, I began laying the groundwork with Johnny of eventually making her the target, without expressly stating my desire to vote her out. We'll see how this plays out, but I want Megan out first
---
From the other tribe, I badly want an original An to go. It takes away an option from the Ans on my swap tribe and locks them in more with me, while preserving my options. On the flip side, a Triforce member going is the worst case scenario for the exact same reason as above, this time benefiting original An. Original Enlil going is fairly neutral
https://youtu.be/7IpJ1SC2ah8
So we lost :( It really sucks bc i put more effort into my lip sync than I think I ever have before. And of course with losing comes tribal, the first tribal for some people on my new tribe. I don't think I've done a confessional since we swapped so I'll just run down how I feel about everyone. Monty/Abby - Just gonna bunch these two together since they were on my original tribe. While they weren't in my alliance, I bonded with them like I bonded with everyone on An. We made an alliance immediately at Ea and I feel real good about facing this swap with them. Part of me does worry they knew about that original alliance and they'll throw me under the bus though. Will - Okay so I was completely blindsided by the fact that I already knew Will before the game! We played at least 1 ORG together and I remember him a little bit from just being in the community. I feel like I've really hit it off with him again and working with him feels natural. He was the first one who threw Cameron out as a vote to me last night and a lot of people really latched onto that plan. So he's definitely charismatic and influential. Eric - I've known Eric for quite some time actually. He's someone who's very easy for me to trust. Like I really hope I'm not getting the wrong read on him but he just feels honest in our conversations. He did kinda suck in the music video challenge tho LOL so I feel like he could be in danger if we go to tribal again. Cameron - They're who I'm voting out tonight. I've had no contact with them outside of the tribe chat at all. And our interactions in the tribe chat I just feel...idk like every time I talk they give me some snide remark. Zach even told me that Cameron barely spoke to him and Collin on their original tribe. So it just feels easy, if a bit TOO easy, like I'm scared it's secretly me somehow. So I guess the upside to anxiety is you never get blindsided cuz you always think it's you. Zach - I've been talking to him more often these last few days and he is wayyy smarter than most 15 year olds I've interacted with. He knew it was Cameron immediately when I started talking to him about the vote (Though I suspect it's because Will told him). He's told me more info about his original tribe than I really thought I'd get out of him. He's basically telling me that it was Zach/Collin/Kyle vs. Cameron/The rest of the newbies. So like it makes sense that he's willing to just let Cameron go. However this situation is worrying because Zach's position is almost EXACTLY my position in a game I played very recently (703 San Andres). I've seen firsthand how a competent duo in the minority can upset the majority if just one person in that majority makes a mistake. So I'm not gonna promise Zach anything just yet, I don't want him to sell me out. But I would like to see him stick around even if we lose another time. Collin - Okay I REALLY like Collin. He's super nice, he basically compliments me every time I talk to him. Which is nice, but I know he's playing that social game. And he's playing it WELL. I think if all goes well at tribal, then I'm gonna talk to Collin about really working together going forward. Basically my overarching plan on this tribe has been to make sure that if my name comes up, there will always be someone to shut it down. And I really feel like Collin, Monty, and Eric would especially keep me safe.
Cameron left.......it sucks, because it takes away my options, but among the Enki's it is the least bad scenario, since I was closer with Collin and Zach. I don't hold it against them for voting against Cameron, do what you gotta do, but I am nervous for them. I'm not throwing any challenges or anything, but I hope they survive, and I'm less nervous about myself losing than them
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kWts3h2n9s
hi hi hi so far so good on the Ea tribe! i dont think anyone know about zach and i so we're remaining in the clear hehe (he has been a little difficult to corral tho) i feel like im making good connections so far so hopefully ill remain utr and if we go back to tribal i wont be a target, and if we dont i hope the other tribe takes out a big target for us
Have I mentioned that I love winning? It's just so great that nobody knows me and Monty are working together and we're subtly pulling the strings - Jay thinks he came up with Cameron's name, great he's the mastermind now and we can target him. Collin and Zach want to form a four with me and Eric - great, that keeps me and Monty apart so nobody will know and we can still vote separately. Eric's an easy target for everyone so we (Monty) just get the other returnees to target him (if we lose again) and then I can use that to flip Eric on Abby or Jay and it's just... so delicious. It's so easy to take everyone out one by one when nobody knows that you have a solid F2 already.
https://youtu.be/CVG2Z_-XjBM from this past round
https://youtu.be/yMGLsGhv6wc Confessional 12
https://youtu.be/ylahV3wyXrs
Cameron voted out 7-1
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my thoughts on Arrow 7x04
Wooooo....what a heck of an episode! Let me just share with you my thoughts... Now, a refresher: these are pretty much stream of consciousness. I type these down as I’m watching live. So if they seem a little disjointed... that’d be why. But I thought you’d enjoy my IN THE MOMENT thoughts. 😉
Dr. Jerry Parker seems like a reasonable guy. But…. appearances can be deceiving.
Oh god a psychiatric evaluation. It’s like Oliver’s worst nightmare come to life.
This guy’s asking some uncomfy questions. Oliver needs to figure out how to play this game.
Listen Dr. Parker, we handled this whole “you’re a murderer” thing back in s5. I have the DVDs, I can show you.
OH NO YOU DO NOT USE HIS FAMILY AGAINST HIM.
I’m okay with Felicity turning torturer. Just for the record. That could be some juicy story.
I appreciate what Rene is trying to warn her about… and it’s something she should consider. But also, I sorta want her to do it so we can unpack the angsty goodness.
And Felicity’s not wrong either. Getting Diaz is a priority.
I just super appreciate these two working together.
UGH STAR CITY IS STILL A FUCKING DUMP HEAP!?! WTF EVEN. Does nothing help?!?
oooh new coordinates! EXCITING. Where is Felicity.
Mayor Pollard. who the heck is Mayor Pollard. I want Mayor Queen back.
THINGS WERE BETTER OFF WITH THE VIGILANTES. Hear hear!
but also, didn’t y’all haters vote for the anti vigilante legislation? COME ON GUYS.
Oooh Faux GA to the rescue! I really hope that’s Emiko.
At least Mayor Pollard is a woman. YAY WOMEN RISE.
Smoke inhalation is no joke. Just ask Jack Pearson.
Dig the ARGUS Bitch is unamusing. I want my boy to wake up to the truth soonish.
Rene, you’re busy with Felicity and Silencer. Why spread yourself thin—? Ahhhh forget it. Do whatcha do.
Dinah’s hair is so pretty in this episode. I have hair envy. Her and the ATF Bitch from Sons of Anarchy have the best hair on TV.
So have they fed him at all? Cuz not feeding him is kinda… not cool?
Okay I don’t like Dr. Parker anymore.
AGAIN WE DID THIS IN SEASON FIVE.
Is this the first time are learning the other guy in the boat is his dad’s bodyguard and his name is Hackett?
OKAY MAN. WE DID THIS IN SEASON FIVE. DO I HAVE TO KEEP SAYING IT.
Oliver, don’t listen to this jerk. We did this with Adrian Chase already. This is well trod territory.
Oooh I like this scene. Felicity with the Truth Tea AND the Sass! MY BAE!
I love love love her rubbing her (earned) degree in her face. Did BS even go to college? How can her fans even excuse this?
Okay cuz Rene is busy with Zoe and the fire bug, we have Felicity going to Siren for help? Bahhhhhhh.
GAs voice is so unnaturally deepened. It’s gotta be a woman. IT’S EMIKO.
Dude, Dinah is arresting Rene? WOAH. We are in the upside down.
ARE YOU FEEDING HIM YOU DIRTBAGS?!?!
Dr. Parker, you go too far. You are a bad man. GOOD DAY.
Oh you do not bring up William like that. He’s a good man. HE’S A GOOD MAN. DAMN YOU.
Can you not? He doesn’t need to re-formed. He’s fine the way he is. LEAVE HIM ALONE.
“Go to hell.” THATS MY BOY!
WHAT. WAIT. WHATS THE MACHINE?!?!
This feels like Felicity bringing in a bad guy to do her dirty work (read: torture) for her. I’m okay with that. Proceed.
Dinah, you need to not … do all this. Don’t be such a cop. Honestly, you and Dig are doing the same thing and it’s MADDENING.
Dig, I’m not sure how much wisdom you can impart seeing as how you’re making the SAME MISTAKES.
ARE YOU CHANGING YOUR MIND DIG?! PLEASE SAY YES.
Okay so this is not so bad. Keep going Dig. Get out of ARGUS, to start!
SMOAK TECH SMOAK TECH SMOAK TECH SMOAK TECH
Honestly I am not getting anything else cuz I’m spazing over SMOAK TECH
Whoooooooo what??!?!?!
Ohhhh Dinah. FUTURE DINAH. WTF DINAH?
Okay, present day Dinah is finally coming to her senses. WHEW.
Felicity has gone VICIOUS. “I don’t have anything left to lose.” Oh baby. You need a hug.
Curious… Siren warning Felicity not to go down the vengeance path like she did is kinda… weird. But it makes sense.
I like her referencing Felicity’s “big brain”.
Dude, future Star City is like a dystopia on crack. Where are my babies!!!
Oh this machine looks like a bad thing. Let’s not.
What.. is this guy doing. What… noooo you cannot change his memories. THIS IS A WRONG THING.
Well that’s painful. Let’s not go down that particular path shall we?
Are you trying to tell him to KILL HIMSELF?! What the hell, Dr. Parker. I hate you!
I could not possibly care less about the fire starter bad guy and Rene and Dinah. Sorry not sorry. Too much other shit happening.
Dinah is giving Zoe a BC pin? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, SHOW?!
I hate this fucking doctor. He’s the worst.
LOL Okay so that was all a ploy. There’s my smart bae.
EARTH TWO FELICITY RUNS AN EMPIRE!! YASSS QUEEEEEEEEN. YAS MY RUTHLESS QUEEN.
Roy how dare you doubt Felicity. She’s the smart one here.
OLDER ZOE. SHES HAWT. VIGILANTE RESISTANCE. RENE WONT GO TO STAR CITY.
Felicity is doing all of it. She’s the mastermind! MUAHAHHAA
DINAH WE DONT BUY IT. ITS A RUSE. Honestly, cmon you guys, you’re gonna have to do better than that.
Okay look guys. I’m not worried. I’m not even adjacent to worried. Because even if she’s dead, it’s not like that’s happening next week in the present day. Not even next year. William sees Felicity and Oliver again in the present day. He told us as much when he told Old!Roy that this was tech Felicity had shown him.... tech that hasn’t been invented yet. Plus I absolutely believe Felicity will get pregnant this season and that the child will need to be born sometime... timing dictates that must happen in s8.
Here’s the thing. I’m okay with her dying in the future. I know that probably sounds sacrilegious, but bear with me: everyone dies some day. If Felicity dies in two years, ten years, twenty years, thirty years... it makes no difference to me. Personally, I believe the flash forwards are more about setting up the next generation of crime fighters, not as much about our current heroes.
Do I want our current heroes, the reasons I’m watching this show, to get to have some happy times? OF COURSE. And I believe they will get them. But I’m not gonna be too pressed if something tragic happens at some point. Felicity’s impact is felt. We heard it all over this episode tonight. SMOAK TECH. AN EMPIRE ON EARTH TWO. Her children (William and, I’m assuming, Maya) will be the piece of her that carries on her work. So that’s fine. I’m good with it.
But that’s just me. Your mileage may very.
#arrow season 7#arrow spoilers#7x04: Level Two#olicity#arrow recap#show: Arrow#ship: Olicity#character: Felicity Smoak#character: Oliver Queen#i wish there were more gifs available in the gif search right after an ep#that's such a first world problem
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Best. Convo. Ever.
3:27AM 4/03/19
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You both like sad.
Stranger: Hello
You: hello
You: hows it going fellow sad human :)
You: :(*
Stranger: Not actually a human
You: :O same here
Stranger: It's going alright, not really that good
Stranger: How about you
You: mehh could be better
Stranger: I feel that
You: anything particular or is it just life lol?
Stranger: Yeah, just need some inspiration to get me going again
You: aha i getchu
Stranger: How are things on your end? What can make your life better
You: ahh thats a big question
You: lets just say im quite an overthinker
Stranger: I know the feeling
You: So I worry too much about what I want to die with my life etc
You: but im going through a "not giving a shit phase" atm lol
Stranger: Yeah, that's a big thing for a lot of people
Stranger: I'm sure you'll find something you'll enjoy
Stranger: Umm are you in any programs? Like that the school offers
Stranger: Maybe you'll find something you enjoy there
Stranger: Its always good to have hobbies
You: hmm not really im quite an antisocial person so i hadnt considered it
You: i do music on the side for fun
You: but its quite pricey hahah
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: Hobbies can definitely be expensive
You: yeah im currently saving up for some equipment so
Stranger: That's nice, goals yass
You: well what do you like to do for fun?
Stranger: ATM I'm into gaming
You: oo me too
You: although i havnt played games for a while
Stranger: Ahh
Stranger: I play shooters mostly
Stranger: I do enjoy other games occasionally
You: yaas pc or a console?
Stranger: Mostly console
Stranger: A little pc here and there
You: ahh i see
Stranger: Yep
Stranger: I'm just in love with edits in videos I want to be more involved with the community but like you I am also sort of antisocial at times
You: Ahhhh
You: you do edits?
Stranger: A little but I'm really not good
You: ah i doubt that
You: what types of edits
You: i wish i was good at video editing haha
Stranger: ATM kinda like a montage
You: ah thats cool
Stranger: I love the community but I'm just so scared of it tbh
You: ah i feels
Stranger: I've never really had anxiety and stuff, but I understand now
Stranger: There's a few people in the community I have a real hard time talking to
Stranger: Like my heart is bumpin' super fast and sometimes I get a sinking feeling
Stranger: Do you have any solutions?
You: aw one of my best friends is like that
You: hmm
You: well recently she's been forcing herself into social situations
You: umm
You: i would start small maybe just talk to a stranger on the bus or something
Stranger: I hate lfgs but it'll probably help
You: ahh understandable
Stranger: I suck online, in person I'm alright
Stranger: Idk why that is
You: i dont really like social situations but it doesnt make me too nervous
You: ahh really?its the opposite for me hahah
You: in person im awkward asf
Stranger: I can be too, but it's usually when I want people to stop talking to me
You: aha
Stranger: I'm not really one to tell someone to go away or shut up
You: For me it would take a while for me to be myself around you if id just met you
You: like id have to chill with you for a long time
You: yeahh me too tbh
Stranger: Yeah, I feel that
You: i get especially awkward if i like someone and im talking to them lmfao
Stranger: Oh lmao
You: thats the only time ill really be nervous
Stranger: Last time I was like that was middle school haha
You: ahh hahah
You: wait how old is middle school lol
Stranger: Do you play any sports or something?
You: we dont use those terms in the UK lol
You: yeahh basketball and I go to the gym a lot
Stranger: Umm like 12, 13, 14
You: ahh so how old are you now?
You: and are you into sports?
Stranger: 19 :/
Stranger: Yeah, wrestling
You: ahh 16 here
Stranger: Oh boy
You: Oo thats awesome
Stranger: Yeah it was fun
Stranger: Especially if you're good
You: i took up kick boxing recently
Stranger: Because then you can use it as like a line
You: i enjoy it way more than karate
You: ahh right
Stranger: Talking to a girl or something, be like aye come watch my matches
Stranger: Don't recommend sitting with them until after you shower tho
You: hahaha
You: ah well I am a girl so don't think i'd be doing that lol
Stranger: Idk some of the girls out here are spitting game
Stranger: Like when I was in school they were smooth af
You: lmaoo
You: id have to be extremely comfortable around someone to have game lol
Stranger: I'm just saying it's just natural for some
You: yeah ive seen
Stranger: One of my best friends, she had a guy miss his stop and go to her house I was like woah
You: god damn lol
Stranger: They ended up dating for two years
You: wow
Stranger: Yeah man, some people out here are experts, I've only been in a handful of relationships
Stranger: So I'm not the best when it comes to keeping people around
You: ahh i get youu
Stranger: Yeah, a lot of my relationships ended pretty bad
Stranger: How about you?
You: How old were you when u had your first serious relationship
You: aw damn that sucks
Stranger: Like 13
You: aha 14 here
Stranger: Wait what do you mean by serious?
You: when I had my first boyfriend
Stranger: Like sexual stuff or like
You: no just like
You: i dont even know what i meant tbh
Stranger: Yeah then, 13
You: rightt
Stranger: We we're together for a while going to each other houses to hang out and stuff
Stranger: I loved her family
Stranger: Super friendly
Stranger: We just drifted apart and I kinda was mean
Stranger: How did yours go?
You: ah suckss
You: well uh it was great at first
You: i was 14 he was 15
Stranger: Ooo
You: like we had a lot in common and many mutual friends
You: we were together for about a year
You: thinks just got ugly the last few months like he was really aggressive
You: and then yeahh that was that
Stranger: Like how?
Stranger: Idk I was just giving her the cold shoulder without even realizing it
You: at first he would just lose his temper and throw shit around or punch something
You: but then he hit me one time in front of all of my friends
Stranger: Yeah, that's a no no
You: and I was actually willing to forgive him but my friends didn't let me to
You: and im glad they didnt
Stranger: That's good
You: i was quite naive then but
You: nah lol
Stranger: I meant like them not letting you forgive him ahha
You: yeahh I know :p
You: were you in love with her
You: the girl you grew apart form
Stranger: Umm sort of
Stranger: Hard to explain
You: yeah love is a tricky word
Stranger: I tend to use it in the wrong sense
Stranger: Idk, she was really cool, we didn't really share many things but she was understanding
Stranger: Because we were completely different people
You: ahh
Stranger: At the end of the day, she had both her parents her whole life and was sheltered, I didn't so I knew way more than her in that sense
You: ahh :( must of been hard
Stranger: Eh, I had my uncles to keep me in check
Stranger: And even tho my dad wasn't there a lot to help me, he still showed me a lot of things
Stranger: Like never lay a hand on a woman, and look out for others
You: ah i see
Stranger: I'm the second oldest
Stranger: 2 brothers 2 sisters
You: ah wow
You: ive just got an older brother
Stranger: Was he nice ?
You: Well
You: when we were younger we pretty much hated eachother and he always hit me lol
You: but now he's more supportive and a much calmer guy
Stranger: Lmao
You: he had loads of issues i cant really hate him anymore
You: but he's quite a jealous guy so hes scared of other boys lol
Stranger: I feel that
Stranger: Oh really now? Like he doesn't have guy friends or
You: yeah hes been like a dad to me pretty much lol
You: nah he does but like
You: hes scared of my interactions with guys because, in his words he "knows what guys are like"
Stranger: That's true
You: so he would threaten me to not have a boyfriend and shit lol
Stranger: Yeah
You: im kind of glad he was like that though
Stranger: Have you been to a part yet?
Stranger: Party
You: prevented me from doing dumb shit
You: Yeah one
You: not really my thing
Stranger: Go to a few more then you'll see what he means
You: Yeah I pretty much understood from that party hahha
You: pretty much an excuse to drink, smoke and have sex
Stranger: Yep
Stranger: Like we come from different places
Stranger: Out here in Illinois people are like less picky
You: oh really?
Stranger: A lot of my friends back back in middle school lost their virginity to the same girl
You: whoa
Stranger: So like I your brother said, he knows what guys want
Stranger: When I mean a lot I mean like 3
You: damn
Stranger: Idk, I just don't like the idea of my mans being with the same girl as me
Stranger: I've always been like that
You: yeah i get you
Stranger: I'm glad you're close to your brother I'm not close to my older brother
You: ah what about your other siblings?
Stranger: Closer but not super close
Stranger: I kinda keep to myself now
You: yeah im close with him in one sense, but theres a lot i cant talk to him about
You: ahh i feels
Stranger: Yeah, like when I was 15, I stopped talking to a lot of people
Stranger: Depression hit me hard
You: shit :/
Stranger: Yeah, shit can be tough especially if you don't talk to people
Stranger: Just a fyi, if you have issues find someone to talk to
You: yeah definitely
Stranger: But be careful because some people will use it against you
You: yeah ive always been a closed book
You: especially females!!
You: they love having dirt on somebody
Stranger: Yeah
Stranger: That's how my umm relationship at 15 ended
Stranger: I told her what was going on and she told the whole school and stuff
You: wow wtf
Stranger: It was really bad because I was umm sent away for a little
You: jesus
Stranger: Yeah I was out for like two weeks
Stranger: 3 days at the hospital then about a little more than a week at the facility
You: ahh shit :c
Stranger: After that I didn't really trust anyone
Stranger: Tbh I only just started talking to people about my problems
You: yeah i get what that feels like people have broken my trust a lot growing up
You: yeah same really
You: I was forced into counselling and i hating going at first
You: my counsellor saw i hated talking to people so she encouraged me to talk to a friend
Stranger: The person I had listening, I didn't really like her do I stopped going
Stranger: So*
You: and this friend i knew i could trust so i told her a lot
Stranger: That's good
Stranger: I grew away from my best friend
You: Yeahh it felt really unnatural so i just prefered talking to someone close
Stranger: There's just some things I can't tell him
You: Yeah i get you
You: I was scared i would drive her away if i told her certain things
Stranger: Idk I want to tell someone but I don't trust anyone
You: but i still told her a lot
Stranger: It's not about driving them away
You: someone in the family maybe?
Stranger: Its about them telling the person
Stranger: I told you how I'm not close to my brother but we have a lot in common and he's closer to the family than me
Stranger: So I can't really vent to my uncles or cousins
You: right
You: ermm
You: the things you wanted to talk abiout
You: is it something that can be used against you in a way?
Stranger: Sort of
Stranger: It's more or less like I'll say something then they'll bring stuff to just destroy my character and stuff
Stranger: The way we talk is people get really defensive and start attacking you if they don't like what you have to say
You: ah i understand
You: thats a shitty position to be in :c
Stranger: Yeah, I can't tell any of my online friends either because I don't want people to think different of me if they know I tried to commit suicide
Stranger: One of the people in the community I love knows because she was one of the first people I told
You: damn
Stranger: But she told her bf back in the day and he sent me a lot of hurtful messages
You: people can be really ignorant about these kinds of things so i get its hard to talk about
You: what the fuck
You: thats so messed up smh :(
Stranger: It was like 3ish years ago but I still remember it
Stranger: He isn't with her anymore but when I do end up talking to her, my stomach sinks so much
Stranger: And my heart beats really fast
You: crap
You: have you spoken to her about that?
Stranger: Honestly just thinking about her just makes me nervous, not really very briefly
Stranger: It was just catching up and she has changed as a person and I'm just scared tbh
You: ahh damn
Stranger: Honestly, this is the biggest reason why I don't feel motivated. This is why I need inspiration
You: what specifically
Stranger: The fact that she knows that I tried to commit suicide and like I said I want to play a bigger part of the community and she streams occasionally and I don't want the community to know. Because I know I'll get a lot of messages and stuff
Stranger: Hate stands out a lot more than support
You: ahh definitely i feel that
Stranger: It makes me really nervous
You: what do you think would help?
Stranger: I don't know
Stranger: I over think as well
Stranger: Like idk one of my good friends I've been playing with for a year straight kinda did some lame shit so
Stranger: I'm not really trusting anyone
You: ah damn
Stranger: We umm got into some illegal activities and he liked about something and it was something big
Stranger: So I don't know how much he'll do to make the like true even if it means one of us will get sent away to prison
Stranger: Lie
You: ohh shit
Stranger: Yeah, so I haven't talked to that guy in like 3 weeks or so
Stranger: So I'm on edge and don't trust anyone
You: thats understandable
You: given everything thats happened
Stranger: Thanks for listening
Stranger: Even tho I don't have solutions for everything I will try to talk to people a little more so I can be a bit more friendly
You: Thank you too stranger this has been quite a good talk
You: and i never do this kind of thing lol
Stranger: Oh?
Stranger: What do you usually do
You: Nothing really I just swim around in my thoughts
Stranger: Aww
Stranger: I wouldn't mind listening to some thoughts (:
You: Like I know there is a certain person I can trust but I hate worrying people or burdening them with my problems
You: ahh I appreciate that
You: I don't even know where to begin haha
Stranger: It's cool just say whatever's on your mind
You: Okay just so you get a better understanding I'll tell you a bit about me lol
Stranger: I'm all ears
You: Right so ill just start to when I was around 10 years old
You: I always felt different and I was quite isolated from people because of it
You: like i didnt really have friends because the ones I had ended up hating me or breaking my trust or some dumb shit
Stranger: What made you feel different? Anything in particular?
You: and I got bullied for like a year
Stranger: Ahh
You: Uhh well
You: I thought differently to everyone else
You: Like
You: everyone was so much more willing to be ignorant about things just because it made them happier
Stranger: Definitely, I know how dumb people can be
You: And everyone around me would be after small meaningless things and I felt like I always thought big
You: idk what im saying hahah but yeah people pretty much thought I was a weirdo and i got bullied for it
Stranger: A lot of people miss the big picture
Stranger: I never really got bullied
You: so when i was 11 i had my first real real friends
Stranger: A little name calling here and there
You: yeah it really sucked im glad it didnt last too long
Stranger: What we're their names?
Stranger: That's nice
You: hahaha
Stranger: Were
You: I really don't remember now I left that school
Stranger: Awww
Stranger: One of my old best friends was cody
You: ohh you mean my friends
Stranger: He was a goofy kid
Stranger: Yeah silly
You: soz im so sleep deprived i read it wrong hahah
Stranger: It's okay
You: Well there was three of us
You: crystal, danielle and tamanna
You: them three*
You: and there was me
You: so it was a small friendship circle and i was friends with them from ages 11, 12, 13, 14
You: like there was additions to the group but i wont say much about them
Stranger: I feel that we all got our groups
You: but during these few years i was still that same weird different kid
You: but I suppressed that and acted like somebody else so I would have friends
Stranger: I sort of did the same thing
You: and yeah these friends weren't great, they lied a lot, said a lot about eachother (including me) behind eachothers back, spread rumours, told secrets
You: so I knew i couldnt trust them with the things i was thinking or whatnot
Stranger: Yeah, it's tough finding trustworthy people at that age
Stranger: You gotta find them before all that
Stranger: Hormones can do a lot to mess things up
You: so yeah, 14 years old was when I was really down about it, I felt lonely all the time because I was constantly stuck in my own thoughts
You: yeahh definitely
Stranger: Did you think about the same things
You: So I would spend a lot of time on my own which was the biggest mistake lol
You: pretty much yeah but
Stranger: Definitely
You: there was a lot i was thinking about
Stranger: Like what
You: Ahh things about people, things about like, our purpose
You: it got really unhealthy i guess
You: life**
You: i guess i asked a lot of questions which couldn''t be answered
Stranger: When I was younger I always knew what I wanted in life
You: ahh really?
Stranger: Yeah, it's kinda silly and a lot of people think it's lame but my friends and I all wanted to become pro players
You: ah thats sick
Stranger: That was back in the day 6ish years ago
You: its not silly at all
Stranger: It is, in the sense that it's a lot of work and a lot of people don't make it
You: True but, its good to have dreams and ambitions
You: something to work towards
Stranger: Most definitely but people need a back up plan
You: Yeah definitely
Stranger: What did you want
Stranger: Like in life
You: I never knew to be honest
You: generally I wanted to help or inspire people
You: but never knew specifically what
Stranger: I'm sure there's something that'll bring you in (:
You: but that all went to shit when i got olde rhahah
You: yeahh I'm waiting for it :)
Stranger: I'm sure you'll get the passion back and start caring again
You: I hope so
Stranger: Sometimes when I need motivation I watch some videos of people I look up to
You: Theres other things I need to fix first before that can happen
Stranger: For sure
You: ah thats nice
Stranger: Work on yourself before helping others
You: Yeah I know that I should but
You: idk i never really felt worth the effort I always thought everyone else was more important
You: second biggest mistake lol
Stranger: I feel that
Stranger: I was actually failing a lot of classes because I spent all my time helping others and not doing my own work
Stranger: So I just cheated on all my paperwork with friends
You: ah wow
You: damn
Stranger: That was middle school tho
Stranger: Can't do that in highschool
Stranger: You'll get into serious trouble
You: yeahh
You: its kind of like that here
Stranger: Academic dishonesty is a big issue
You: slightly different system
Stranger: Especially if you want to get into a big school
You: but theres mostly exam papers
You: oh yeah 100%
Stranger: Yeah
You: ahh I have such little time to fix up though
You: like last year I was really stupid
Stranger: Why
You: and the year before hahah
Stranger: What did you do
You: ahh lets see
You: so
You: when I was 14 I just fell into a deep hole of bullshit and stupidity and got into the habit of harming myself
You: and I left all of my old friends and found new, even worse friends
Stranger: I feel it, I did the same sort of
Stranger: Did they encourage your behavior?
You: but i "loved" them for the reason that we would smoke a lot of weed together
You: no nobody knew i hid it all the time
Stranger: Ahhh, yeah drugs are definitely something interesting
You: yeah definitely
Stranger: I don't think anyone who isn't there mentally should do drugs
You: dumbest thing I could have done in my situation as it was the only think I was relying on to make me even the slightest bit happy
You: yeah so true
Stranger: Happiness can be tricky
You: and then in that friendship group was this one guy who I wont go into much detail about but we were both mentally fucked up so we were just toxic together and fucked eachother up even more
Stranger: I did the same thing
You: and my mum found out about me harming myself so i was forced into counselling, my mum was getting panic attacks because of stressing about me
You: which made me feel shit so i started harming myself again
Stranger: Awww ):
You: and then at 15
You: is like one of the most important exams we do in the UK
Stranger: We do it at like 16-17
You: and basically i didnt really care much about life so I purposefully failed everything
Stranger: ):
You: here its 15-18
You: 17*
You: and then i left to go to a new school because i hated everyone there so im going there currently
You: and the most important exams
You: well the first year of it
You: are coming up
You: and yeah I'm still not in a really good place mentally
Stranger: Do you know why that is?
You: I don't smoke anymore but I rely on hurting myself wayy too much
You: I honestly do not, and ive thought about it a lot too :/
Stranger: Is it what happened in the past?
You: i think its just many small things that just add up
You: maybe
You: this is weird but recently like im remembering stuff from my childhood that I had completely forgotten about
Stranger: Yeah, something like happens to me
Stranger: It's just weird dreams of the past
You: yeahh me too
Stranger: A lot of it is middle school stuff like dances and stuff
Stranger: Like dates and what not
You: ahh
You: for me its like when i was really really young
You: but idk because these memories seem really bizarre that im wondering if im somehow making some of them up
You: one of them which I know is true is the first time that my dad hit my mum
You: he never did again but
You: I dont know why im remembering it now
Stranger: That's good
Stranger: Umm I'm not sure tbh
Stranger: Do you believe in like the guy feeling and stuff?
Stranger: Guy
Stranger: Gut*
You: sometimes i guess
You: actually yeah
Stranger: Maybe something is going to happen
Stranger: I believe in it, a few weeks back I felt weird and stuff and then it came true
Stranger: Hopefully nothing bad happens
You: hm
You: yeah hopefully
You: idk thats not the feeling i get from this
Stranger: What do you get?
You: its more like me just remembering a bunch of shit i forced myself to forget
Stranger: Ahhh
You: but i just dont understand why im remebering now
You: of all times lol
Stranger: Maybe something that happened triggered that memory?
You: i dont really know
You: like sometimes its in dreams
You: sometimes ill just be daydreaming in class and remember something vividly
You: weird shit lol
Stranger: Nah I feel that too
Stranger: I was always in iss so I day dreamed a lot
You: i know a lot of people say that like things that happen in your childhood affect you when your older
Stranger: Yeah definitely
You: but would it still affect me even if i didnt remember them?
You: cos like some of it makes sense
Stranger: Yes I'm sure it would
You: when i think of these new found memories lol
Stranger: It's hard to explain over text but yeah definitely
You: yeah i getchu haha
You: but uhh yeah, theres a lot i need to change in my life lol
Stranger: Start small, silly
You: where do you even start lmao
Stranger: Ummmmm
Stranger: So how is your studying? Good bad?
You: terrible i dont even study haha
You: im basically doing what i did last year
You: i just have no motivation for it i guess
Stranger: But your future silly
Stranger: Don't you wanna help people?
You: yeah i stopped thinking about that a while ago
You: oh yeah i was gonna talk about taht
You: so uh
Stranger: Help yourself
You: Yeah like last summer
Stranger: GET AN EDUCATION SO YOU CAN GO FOR WHAT YOU WANT
You: lmaooo
Stranger: I just want you to do something you enjoy
Stranger: And not be stuck with something you hate
Stranger: Passion matters a lot
Stranger: And I'm sure there's some guy that'll love that you do that stuff 😉
Stranger: You'll be a major guy magnet
You: But yeah a little before summer one of my friends killed herself because of the guy I used to date (the toxic relationship guy) and it just showed me how different people are to how they actually seem. I basically started hating people and became a selfish prick and drove myself a bit crazy until one of my friends metaphorically slapped me in the face and woke me up. The hatred lasted for a few months maybe
You: i agree i still need to think about what i want i guess
Stranger: Try some programs, clubs or something (:
Stranger: Hobbies are always nice to have
You: yeah id just rather do hobbies alone than with people
Stranger: My friend went through the same thing sort of
You: i still sort of hate most people hahah
Stranger: I feel that
You: its weird but because of that i feel like i can read people and i know exactly what someones intentions are
You: which is stupid but
Stranger: Yeah some people feel that way
You: yeah i always think that everyones a fake
Stranger: My brother feels that way and I hate him
You: so it makes it hard for me to get along with people
You: yeah its really stupid i need to learn to trust people
Stranger: It takes a while but people's true colors come out
Stranger: Start small, work your way up
Stranger: <(^~^<)
You: yah i should
You: i need to do some serious soul searching hahah
Stranger: Yeah, I wish I could help, but I always knew what I wanted
Stranger: I'm sure you'll find yourself
You: ahh well you've been a huge help just by listening
You: ive said stuff ive never said before to someone so
You: its been really helpful thanks stranger :)
Stranger: Listen, at the end of the day it's whatever you want
Stranger: We can leave things here if you want
Stranger: Just remember to take care of yourself
Stranger: And please don't hurt yourself
You: ahh well small steps remember
Stranger: Life is beautiful
Stranger: Oh shush
You: hahaha
Stranger: See you around (probably not tho)- J
Stranger has disconnected.
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I gained more than 20 followers in less than a week??? WTF thank you all SO MUCH bro ahhhh
literally in love with ALL of you, also thank you all for sm support of then 150 event!!! more stuff is coming soon I am just moving houses atm sooooo
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You know what, i can't believe Ego, the most perfect jk fic, has so few notes when some ppl get 4k in less than a week with a robot!jk fic that is not that well written... I don't wanna be too salty but wtf, you can't do better than Ego's humour, banter and characterisation (if i, a french white girl, can relate to your american poc oc bc she's so funny and well written, that speaks wonders abt you), i just read all 3 parts again and i couldn't be more in love with it, you're such a great author
ahhhh, thank you!!! but i don’t write it for the notes. i definitely write it so that people will read, but so long as i get people like you providing feedback, that’s good enough for me 💪🏾
also, i lowkey liked that robot!jk fic 🤷🏽♀️ lmao. so no need to compare apples to oranges!
that’s the second robot!jk i’ve read and now i’m over here like...interesting...i think i like this genre
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Fertile...or nah?
Starting in the month of January, something sparked within me. I’ve always wanted to be a Mommy, but baby fever got kicked to the curb and full on baby cravings kicked in!
My mind wouldn’t let it go, my body longed to have a tiny human inhabiting it, my heart suddenly felt like a piece of it wasn’t missing yet, wasn’t fulfilled.
Then February happened and the anxiety began…
I spotted for 3 days, had cramps, nausea, headaches, mood swings…*cue Shirley Ceasar* YOU NAME IT!
Could this be IT?! The object of my heart’s desires?! A tiny hooman just for meeee?!
Well….pregnancy results said no. NOPE. Nuh uh. Try Again.
March, April, May….no period. No symptoms. No baby.
I spent hours researching online. Hours spent on Pinterest, planning outfits/ bedroom décor.
Watching as the world passed me by and everyone getting pregnant…but me.
Depression was sinking in, hope was losing. Fear was winning.
A friend recommended a book to me, Prayers and Promises for SUPERNATURAL childbirth by Jackie Mize (which I totally recommend, by the way). It definitely resparked my faith. I now daily pray over my body, my Hubby’s body, and my future baby. I also wear the Ava bracelet, gifted to me by a dear friend.
All of these things so that I can properly keep track of/ prep myself for the munchkin to come. It has helped me tremendously- me and my psychiatric health.
Anyway, beginning of June, I noticed that I was having palpitations; something I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. I couldn’t understand why…it didn’t make any sense. Less than a week later, BAM.
“Hello period, my old friend….it’s been 4 months, where have you been?”
I was relieved! Alas, I menstruate, therefore…I shall soon ovulate! Which could lead to us being able to PROCREATE! AHHHH!!!
Prenatals had been in my routine for months already, but I made SURE not to miss a day, tracking my fertile days like a hawk, my Ava bracelet even told me that I indeed OVULATED (Google Biphasic patterns, tis pretty groovy)!
Couple of weeks after O-Day, I took a test…No baby. Oh well. Timing didn’t feel right anyway. September has been on my heart. No worries.
July starts and somehow so does my period…6 days early? That’s…different…
Rarely do I have an EARLY period, but okay. Whatevs. Its light and kind of slow and splotchy…definitely different, but what can you expect when your period is as wonky as mine? 4 days later, its gone.
Two days after that, I randomly have some brownish discharge? Huh? Whatchu talkin bout, Uterus? My anxiety and stress were already high, so I forced myself not to make it a big deal. Maybe it’s the lighting?
Two or three days after that, I’m at my besties house and decide to go potty. When I wiped….HUGE BLOOD CLOT! ERM…uhhh…fnjewkf nwjkn ejk….WHAT?!
I literally felt the air in my lungs rapidly leave my body and panic set in. I turned on the vanity light nearby and stared at the tissue holding the clot. “Did I…miscarry…? Why is this…What is this…Didn’t I JUST…Do I need to go to the E.R.?”
So many questions. No time for them to be answered. I flushed it down the toilet, washed my hands, and painted my face “Happy and Carefree.”
Once home, I voiced every concern and fear to my Dear Hubby, cried, researched…cried some more. Slept.
When I woke up, full on period bleeding. Like it was before my period drought.
WTF, body. Oh no, baby…what is you doin?!
I guess I just spotted for 4 days and NOW the real thing is here?!
Fast forward to now. As I type this.
Yesterday I found the clot. Today I’ve cried. Questioned. Panicked. Given Up.
Spoke with a lovely lady at my fave nail salon (I’ll write on that soon.)
Went to church, regained some faith. Bled some more
For the first time in over half of a year, I stood up 20 minutes ago and realized that I had bled through my shorts…wow. Okay. Like old times. Runnin like a fountain. Lovely.
This upcoming week, I am making my first OBYN appointment. For the first time EVER.
I’m terrified. I’m a hypochondriac…but I want a baby. I will whatever the hello and goodbye I have to…for my baby to be here.
My name is Sparkle and I believe in Unicorns.
Mine will be here soon.
#fertility#ivf#baby#babygirl#stepmom#unicorns#unicorn#mommytobe#babymaking#glittery#sparkly#sassy#infertile#rainbows
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@a-milky-strawberry tagged me a thousand years ago and I recently found it as I was browsing my likes. Sorry for the late response hahaha
The last…:
Drink?: chai tea Phone Call?: @wibbly-wobbly-skawney Text Message?: @pankypork Song you listened to?: Lucky by Aurora Time you cried?: a couple weeks ago
Have you ever…:
Dated someone twice?: mmm nope. Why would you do that? Kissed someone and regretted it?: nah! All the kisses I gave were well deserved. Been cheated on?: sadly, yes Lost someone special?: i lost contact with friends I would have liked to keep, but nobody died! Been depressed?: no Gotten drunk and thrown up?: too many times, dude.
Three favorite colors?:
Black Burgundy Deep blue
In the last year have you…
Made new friends?: Yes! And I hope I get to know them even better! Fallen out of love?: nope Laughed until you cried?: hehehe yess Found out someone was talking about you?: Yes, but I mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who cares? Met someone who changed you?: It may sound cheesy, but authors like Stefan Zweig or Virginia Woolf. I hadn’t read anything by them before and damn... They are so good Found out who your friends are?: yeah. Some of them. I already knew who was my friend. Kissed someone on your Facebook list?: Mmm. @wibbly-wobbly-skawney is on my facebook list lol
How many Facebook friends do you know in real life?: like 90%. I don’t like not knowing the people I have in facebook. That’s what tumblr/instagram/twitter are for, in my opinion.
Do you have any pets?: nooo, but I would love to have a cat!
Do you want to change your name?: It’s fine! It’s a little annoying when people write it wrong, but I like how it sounds with my surname.
What did you do for your last birthday?: I did a comic about it here. Basically I did an oral presentation in Russian and ate kebab. Oh, and my parents came to visit me!
What time did you wake up?: hehehe 10:50 Wayyyy too late, but hey! I’m on holidays!
Name something you can’t wait for: not living in my grandparents place aka real independence!
What were you doing at midnight last night?: writing a short story that I should be finishing right now
When was the last time you saw your mom?: 10 minutes ago
What were you listening to right now?: The soundtrack of a Spanish TV series my sister is watching.
Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: No, it’s not a very common name in Spain
Something that is getting on your nerves?: Some of my childhood friends are under the influence of the patriarchy and I can’t say anything about it because they have to realise this by themselves.
Most visited website?: Tumblr and Google Drive (I spend my life there with uni and my writings)
Hair color?: Dark brown, but right now is platinum blonde/almost white (And I’m thinking about dyeing it pink again!)
Do you have a crush on someone?: On my celebrity crushes. (I love you, Paul Bettany)
What do you like about yourself?: My imagination! And I’m quite happy with my body.
Blood type?: O- What kind of question is thiisss?
Nickname?: @pankypork calls me Shu. My mother calls me Juliet and my father Iulietta
Relationship status?: in a poly-amorous relationship with @wibbly-wobbly-skawney
Zodiac?: Sagittarius
Pronouns?: she/her
Favorite TV show?: Right now Hannibal (I’m almost over with season one and ahhhh)
Tattoos?: Not yet. I would like to get a 221B tattoo someday (yeah, that’s how nerd I am), or some flowers or stars.
Right or left handed?: right handed
Surgery?: no
Sport?: I do pilates like 2/3 times per week but I’m not particularly fond of it. I like hiking with friends though!
Vacation?: I love visiting my hometown in the middle of the countryside from time to time. I think I will never get use to living in a big city. I also like travelling abroad, sleeping in cheap hostels and spending all my money in museums and food!
Pair of shoes?: A false pair of Dr. Martens, which are actually better than the original ones and have lasted me eight years.
Eating?: Any kind of fruit. Fruit is so yummy! I used to love chocolate but now I eat it only in special occasions.
Drinking?: water or tea
I’m about to: finish my damn short story
Waiting for?: Godot
Want?: Mmm like a physical object? Maybe a rice-maker machine. My birthday was not so far away! I already have what I need.
Get married?: YES. A modernist or steampunk wedding with friends in the middle of the nature.
Career?: Can’t wait to finish Lenguas y literaturas modernas.
Which is better…?:
Hugs or kisses? Hugs. Always. Kisses are slippery. Hugs are nice
Lips or eyes?: Eyes. They are so prettyyy
Shorter or taller?: Don’t particulary mind. Hugging tall girls is awkward, though.
Older or younger?: Age is a construct. Depends on the person, buuuuut older.
Nice arms or nice stomach?: Nice arms are my weakness
Hook up or relationship?: Both? But being in a relationship is easier for me. Less drama.
Troublemaker or hesitant?: Hesitant
Kissed a stranger?: Wtf, no.
Drank hard liquor?: Yes, like a pirate
Lost glasses/contact lenses?: I lose my contact lenses even in my own eyes.
Turned someone down?: yeah, strangers in pubs for example.
Sex on the first date?: WHAT IS A DATE. Have sex whenever you want
Broken someone’s heart?: yes. It didn’t feel good, but it had to be done.
Had your heart broken?: I did it myself (this sounds so edgyy)
Been arrested?: no???
Cried when someone died?: Yes.
Fallen for a friend?: Your partner should be your friend, so yeah. Besides of that... yeah, probably.
Do you believe in…:
Yourself?: Hell yeah
Miracles?: Kinda. I believe in cassualities.
Love at first sight?: Nope. That’s a Hollywood invention.
Santa Clause?: When I was little
Kiss on the first date?: Ugh. Kiss people whenever you want, it doesn’t have to be on a datee.
This was so long, but interesting as well! I’m tagging everybody who wants to make it! (Tag me so I can see it, though)
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Episode 8: “#StayLowAndGoGoGo” - Tom
I MADE IT WOOOOOOOO MILESTONE NUMBER 2
WE MERGED. THANK THE LORD, THE STARS AND EVERYTHING ABOVEEEE.
okay and thoughts. so evan went byebye, which was what needed to happen, super sweet, but him leaking stuff was really a mess. Merge is so exciting, I already love Caeleb, Jones & Mo, three legends already yay!
IM ALSO BACK WITH BENJ MY KING! I HAVE MISSED HIM SO MUCH.
MERGE I AM SCREAMING!!!
I am sorry Evan, we did 100% throw this challenge but hey ajdjdjf even tho we threw this challenge it was a freaking 5-4 points LOL thank god I didn’t do more than just put Marcus Lehman.
Let’s go merge, thank god I didn’t turned into pre merge flop!!
MERGE!!!!!!
IM REUNITED WITH ALI!!!!!!!! KING!!!!!!!!! im so excited omg so we had a HUGE catch up told each other all the tea of each others tribes
He suspected I was the flipper but doesn't care LOL so yay!!! Ugh I have missed him its so great to have him back as someone I can fully trust and rant to about everything! I also had Jones queen to help get me thru the tribe, just wish she replied more lol! ily guacamole . mitch also great, so glad he survived the budva decimation that I caused oops
I don't think anyone suspects me n ali are close, and everyone thinks Julia/ian/Jason are a trio and either ian or Jason have the idol LMAO this is so funny. I was even on call w the tribe and we were discussing it im thinking lolllll ik ali has it and no one else rlly does wowow
we think alex has durmitor idol bc . apparently it was not found pre swap, caeleb claims he made the end but it was gone, jones and mo don't seem active enough to guess
reunited w ian king aswell hes great, gonna meet some new ones like jules aka almia queen and tom the Australian he was cool on the call so its good ik everyone so far on this tribe except 2 ppl really, while 8 people on the tribe have not meet 4 others so I hope im connected well?
I honestly don't know what will happen from here . like is it og vs og tribe? swapped tribes? something new? IDK! All ik is my top 3 allies are ali jones mitch and I want to try get us far !! but idk how to do that so...… stay tuned
Still can’t get over that I made merge AHHHH
But wait...
THIS IS A CONSPIRACY THEORY BUT THE FREAKING COLOR OF THE MEEGE TRIBE IS SIMILAR TO MEEGE IN SWITZERLAND???! AND THE TWO STARTING TRIBES WERE LITERALLY ALMOST THE SAME COLOR. THIS WILL NOT END LIKE SWITZERLAND, IF IT DOES I AM GONNA CRY.
Anyway I got in touch with Mitch and Benj. I talked with Mitch first then I learned it was Benj who flipped during the Noah vote. I mean I honestly thought it was Mitch ahsjdjd but I guess the talk I had with Benj about rocks/ties back then was an omen. Anyway Mitch tells me he forgives Benj so I guess that’s something? Julia confirms to me that Mitch is saying the same thing to her so ok. I then chatted with Benj and he did tell me he was the one who flipped because he was not close enough with Noah to go to rocks for him which is understandable but I’m still weary on Benj.
Tom then tells me Mo and Caeleb are grilling him for JJ and Evan’s demise. Right now Tom feels that Mo/Caeleb/Alex/Jones are a thing and that they’re just using Benj. That’s kinda a good info to use to get benj on our side??
Anyways I don’t know if this is alarming or what but on the tribe call Tom told Mitch and Benj he knew about the Budva idol being found because Julia told JJ and then told everybody. I think Mitch and Benj were shocked that Tom knows? Idk I maybe paranoid but let’s see
Right now me, Julia, Jason and Ali are trying to hide the fact from Benj and Mitch that we made sort of a pact with Tom and Jules to vote together come merge. I trust Tom to know that I think he will vote with us but idk about Jules. Tho Julia and Jason seem to trust her so I hope she sticks with us!!
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Last minute additions -
I got a vote cover from the choosing thing!! Drew didn’t really tell me what it did but if I had to guess what it was I’d say it’d be like,, a dark week thing where votes won’t be revealed? Who knows tbfh
SO I KNOW I'M TERRIBLE WITH WRITING CONFESSIONALS, but this is my first Survivor game, I'm not used to using Skype and it's weird having to type it to a whole other window just to get a confessional but WHATEVER ILL TRY TO DO AT LEAST ONE A DAY. Even if it's just like about random shit! Even it's just an astrology lesson! Anyways JJ, I mean, Alex is coming at me saying he thinks it's 6v6 now and i'm like......who's gonna tell him. BECAUSE EVEN IF IT'S ME NOT DOWN FOR OG DURMITOR ( i love them but game wise idk if i can hang with them ) I DAMN WELL KNOW other people might not be down for that. I'm just tired of the assumptions though I know Alex means well I'm just TIRED ugh he's a pisces moon too so he'll sense it from me so I better act NOT ANNOYED but I can't help it UGH. Did I miss the people from OG Durmitor? YES! Did I miss the gameplay and none of them calling out JJ on his shit and being surprised that JJ got out for being a crackhead? NO. NOT AT ALL.
okay so merge and I have lots of thoughts, i am gonna do it person by person so i cover it all ahh.
Alex C: Okay he lowkey terrifies me ahh. Like he is quite gamey, and both Mitch & Jules have said he is kinda leadery and potentially a bit pushy? I see him as an early merge boot (ideally), because I think he'll get a lot of attention on himself? He is fun though, and I like talking to him - we will see, maybe if idk Jones/Mo/Caeleb goes he will be a more workable ally from an underdog spot?
Ali: trash, disgusting, send him home, I never want to see that mess...
Benj: a KING, I have missed Benj so MUCH. He is such a, SUCH A KING, i love him, I'm so happy we are back together. I think he could be a great duo for me, since us two being close can be kept quite lowkey ha! We will figure it out, but he is going NOWHERE on my watch
Caeleb: Okay he is like... one of the only other newbies left in the game, and is potentially quite lowkey, so I'd like him to stick around for a while I think ahh! He seems super sweet, and could be someone to go to the end with if my faves go bye bye.
Ian: I've said it since round two, and I will continue to say it. Ian is the biggest threat in the game, I've been knew and I'm not dropping it. I will not allow him to go far, like he is super nice, but also... we are not allowing a threat like Ian to walk to the end.
Jason: Similar to Ian, I'm really feeling duo vibes with him and Ian, maybe even a trio with Julia I'm not sure? He scares me less than Ian, and I'd probs want Ian out first versus Ian? He still is also a king tho, even though I always get vibes that he doesn't like me eeeek
Jones: A legend! I can tell already, I fully get legendary vibes from her. But like... it makes me upsetti spaghetti that I really don't think I can let her get too far, like she... is someone I could see as a season winner, so she might need to go sooner rather than later, although getting her out might be easier said than done tbh
Jules: Okay an icon. Jules we LOVE in this house. I literally stan Jules with my 100% full heart, they know ALL and on my watch? they go NOWHERE. my clout is being used to keep an eye on Jules, even tho they are a much better player than me, and they will be able to watch their own back and go super far
Julia: Witch queen. I want her to go really far too tbh, like I love her and am so happy we have actually been able to work together this season. She told me about her self-vote thing she got from the merge feast, which is a big trust display. I think if I can get her woke about Ian/Jason, she could be a big ally and super important about my game long term. I think if we can get Alex C out particularly (since apparently they have history), then maybe she will be more willing to FINALLY make a move on them.
Mitch: I'm always sketched out by him KASDFA. Like I think he would work with me for sure, but I also like... don't know sometimes, like... he knows I was gonna vote him out premerge, can that go away? I think he could be a good ally moving forwards though , we will have to see.
Mo: MY SON. I MISS HIM. I'M SO HAPPY HE DOESN'T HATE, I THOUGHT HE DID. Its super exciting and like I said before, he is doing super good this season and I'm super proud of him. I wanna go far with him, but I think not being on a tribe with him till merge could be an obstacle to that ahh :(
Tom: Tom is a mega-cracked king. Like he is SO entertaining, and on a personal level I really vibe with him. I will not do him dirty, and I wanna go to the end of this game with him. We will see what happens, would love to be a juror voting for him at the end.
So overall final thoughts. I have a dream F4 alliance of 'The Flippers and the Flop' aka me, Tom, Jules & Benj, since those three flipped on their original tribe and I'm a flop. So I want that as F4, Julia at F5 (but maybe further, I love her too), and then for the rest:
6th: Mo 7th: Caeleb 8th: Mitch 9th: Jones 10th: Jason 11th: Ian 12th: Alex C.
We will see and figure it out and be flexible. Its gonna be a mess, but we will see. I just wanna make confirmed jury, then I just wanna play a bomb game, like finalist-schminalist, i just wanna end the season and my game not being an actual joke KASDFLAS.
hi i just wanted an idol
Okay so i dont know like when the last time i did one of these was but lets just start at last tribal council; I am lowkey so glad that evan is gone and we didnt try anything too fancy he really would've made merge that bit messier. But uhm also why the heck did he have to vote me grrr i wanted to try to not get any votes for a really long time but oh well cant have everything good happen in life.
M E R G E!!!!!!!! Yesssss finally merge has happened the playing field is even and i am ready to rumble. Bit nervous to see where abouts i stand in the tribe because i didnt feel very included in the original durmitor tribe and there are two people i havent met in benj and mitch.
Okay so like wtf is going on right now, sure say hello and all that shit but why is Mo, Alex and Caeleb like proper interviewing me, who do you think you are ELLEN? No youre not please stop investigating on what happened between jj and evan vote offs like i do not owe y'all anything..... i was probably going next if we didnt have that first swap! I am more than happy to tell them like what happened just it will be altered in favour of myself and they wont get the full indepth explanation.
Sorry I don’t have a vid confessional today laid ease
But um ya I think I’m getting TARGETTEEEEEEEEED or at least someone within the durmitor dominators group is. WHich is SKETCHY!! Idk it just feels really obvious since that core group of 4 literally,,, tag teamed all 4 of us first ,,, hello??? Mam?? I get we just met like 2 days ago but you could be a lil more discreet ab everything 😤
But ik we can’t just assume based on that,, If we’re just going by that logic then their hitlist is Alex, Caeleb, myself, then Mo. but idt it could be that,,, concrete?? They could just be playing us like Noah/Michael/Mitch TRIED to do before,, but we got them so ya 🥰 anyways,,
If we can somehow get a plan out of them or at least a name then we’ll be ok,,, that way we’ll at least know what’s going on for SOME PART. Mitch and julia seem kiiiind if close? So hopefully she’ll tell him some shit and come back to me ab it - if I have to play the idol then,,,, I guess,,, I will,,, but I don’t want to. Like let me save it for when IM in trouble at least sksksk who knows,, maybe I AM in trouble and I’m just a crackhead 🤷🏻♀️
But ya that’s my rant I’ll be back soon laid ease mwah
Okau so like woo! i won the first immunity of the season how bloody exciting! I honestly was confident going into the challenge however i didnt know whether or not i was going to win. I love the fact that i got shot 0 times so i literally could've gone asleep and potentially still won lol. But at this point my mission of staying low and go go go'ing has to be intact i cannot seem like a big threat in this game it doesnt get me far. So im telling everyone that im surprised and that it was really just based on luck and based on nothing so my target does not grow! So glad to have immunity in this game honestly first merge boot probably wasnt going to be BUT i know this round can get fucking messy so anything could've changed #StayLowAndGoGoGo
okay this is a grr grr angry confessional. WHY IS EVERYONE BEING DUMB AND JUST BEING ATTACHED TO TRIBE LINES. Like I messaged Jones, Mo and Alex about it yesterday, and Jones my meme queen gave like a good response, but Mo particularly I was like... wut?
Like Mo is my org son from all the way back in Azores, so I always have his back... but like... when someone messages you about being uncomfortable with tribe lines and not wanting to stick to them, giving the HEAVIEST HINT POSSIBLE that I'm not attached to like Ian and Jason, your response should not be 'I'm just accepting my fate'... Like that is such a red flag to me, no player should just... be resigned to stuff? Like Mo PLEATHE.
In other other news, we love Jules still. Tom is being weird recently, I think he doesn't trust me anymore, so I think my dream at the moment is a F3 of Jules and Benj, Tom 4th and Julia 5th? Mitch terrifies me (and he knows I shot him, which caused even more distrust), Alex is super nice but is like... evidently not trusting of me, Mo is my son but I wanna SHAKE HIM, Jones is my fave I love her already, really like Caeleb too he is so nice.
I'm just frustrated, I feel like.. people aren't willing to do enough and its making me frustrated I just wanna scream. Like at this point, I expect to go midjury, like 9th, and I'm thinking who I'd vote. I would vote Jules, because they are always on the ball and their read is unmatched, I'd vote Ian because he has playing smart since round one, I'd vote Benj because he is one of the few that has his head screwed up about not blindly sticking to tribe lines.
Of the rest? I'd like to vote for Tom/Jones, but would probs need to see more gamey game from both. I could respect Mitch's story to get to the end, but don't necessarily see myself voting him. I could vote Julia or Jason. The one who is currently least likely to get my vote is probably Mo, I am just... frustrated with him. Like he could do SO GOOD, I just wanna give his head a proper wobble, like.... LISTEN TO ME. I am telling you I would flip just READ KSALDFA.
I ranked who I'd vote for in FTC if I was a juror so far and its currently:
Jules > Ian > Benj > Mitch > Julia > Tom > Jason > Jones > Alex C. > Caeleb > Mo
And the order in which I trust people is:
Jules/Benj > Julia > Tom > Ian > Jason > Caeleb > Jones > Mo > Alex C. > Mitch
I have thoughts. I know its been a hot sec since I have sent one in but I have been just busyyy. So this one might be long and it'll have all my thoughts post-merge.
My first thought: Being reconnected with old tribemate (Jules and Tom). I love Jules. She's so kind and wonderful, might be hard to reach occasionally but when she messages its always full and heartfelt. I think that can go a long way in this game as she's fun to talk to and makes you feel like she's with you. So that also mean shes very dangerous of course. Tom is less so fun. He's kinda sarcastic kinda hard to read kinda edgy. He always acts like he's a little too busy for things. But he is fun and he has fed me a lot of information about Budva post swap, so thank him for that. BUT I'm like lowkey really annoyed with him. Losing that last challenge on purpose was dumb as hell. I know Evan is deceitful and hard to work with, but like hell keep that in your head and get him off as an easy vote right after merge. Because If they hadn't lost and instead we had gone to tribal (Durmitor), then we hopefully would've lost Mitch, secured the dynamic as 7 OG Durmitor vs. the 5 OG Budva, and it would have been much harder for Tom and Jules to chose the Budva members over the numbers. Obviously this works best for me and OG Durmitor but that just means that I don't know what Tom and Jules are thinking and overall that means I can't really trust them.
Second thought: That challenge was actually really fun. It put this merge into perspective and CLEARLY showed where people are at right now. The fact that OG Budva was so organized in their slaughter and got out Alex like hella fast and then me before we got out any of them was so showing. They are tight and they will remain to be tight. The fact that they were able to be so coordinated seems scary as well. AS it might mean that Tom or Jules or even Mitch or Benj is actually working with them to make sure we didn't win that immunity. Plus Tom won it and that is scary to me because I already was wary about trusting him in the first place. Putting thought one and two together makes me wary overall, because that means that together Tom and Jules and Mitch and Benj might be choosing to work with old Budva (I mean Tom and Jules don't have any inhibitions about voting out old tribemembers so) and old Durmitor might just be screwed.
Third thought: Annoyed that I was shot and destroyed second. I thought I was making a good impression with everyone. Maybe its not a good indication but also sad face.
Fourth thought: New tribe members! I love them all to an extent. Ali seems to be fun to talk to and likes chatting back and forth. But also he did say he was surprised I was out so early and since I know that Alex didn't shoot Julia then he was definitely shooting me. So I don't think I trust that all too much and he might be too sneaky. Jason seems nice. Not much to say our conversation has been pleasant but only so. The same with Ian tbh. They seem cool but thats it. Julia is fun and her background makes her seem like a total bad ass and a really cool lady, but she's been soooo hella dismissive of me. I don't like the way she's playing the game. I think she's putting on an act and playing a character to throw people off. I heard she was like sad or crying(?) that someone shot her and Tom confronted me about it. And sure I shot her but like hell thats the game. I'm 90 percent sure she was shooting me. I'm annoyed, and people seem to love her which just makes me think she's being dismissive to me because she thinks I won't be around too much longer and she doesn't have to put in the effort. And that's dumb, like if I do go I really hope this is the start of the Jury because I will have something spicy to say to her in the event she makes it to Final Tribal. Or maybe things will change and I will learn to really like her and stuff.
Fifth Thought: Game plan for tomorrow. My strategy going forward is simply to be not targeted tomorrow. That is truly the crux of it, because at this point I think I might get votes. I know that apparently I have a habit of getting votes in a new tribe (David and then Noah) so honestly I can see it happening, especially if they are worried about Alex having an idol and they got him out of the challenge first just to vote me. But if I can survive then I think I can go a little farther. The power struggle right now is 3 groups of 4 battling. There's the total Budva members, the total Durmitor members, and then the middle ground (Jules, Tom, Benj, and Mitch). I asked Tom who was more important the original tribes or the new ones and he said he wants it to be old but most likely will be new which basically means that he will vote with Budva. So in the event I survive with numbers I'll ride that until I need Alex (and his idol that I'm prettttty sure that he has but I can't be sure) out and will try to rally that we need him to be gone. If I survive but I'm not on the side of the numbers I wanna create a good bond with Ali and Jules as were all newbies and work that until we can start eating Budva from the inside. I'll see though DKSDSKDSK. I don't think it would be wise to concrete that before this first vote because their reasons for voting off JJ and Evan was apparently that they were making alliances with everyone. I don't want them to see me that way.
Sixth Thought: Okay another Idol Bridge BIG OOF. Those are hard as hell, and I am so confident that both tribe idols are gone which means there might be 3 idols out there pretty soon which is scary as hell. Durmitor Dominators are hoping to work together to get it and maybe we can actually use that together rather than having it hidden like this time. (Which I really think that Alex has it but whatev). If I'm idoled out imma be so sad but like also okay thats an okay way to go.
Have fun with this. Feel free to chop it up into mini confessionals or use it in its entirety. Up to you! Love ya hosts ur beautiful
okay a gamey and a dumb update.
julia proper wants to flip on ian and jason which iconic... its truly time. I wasn't necessarily going to vote them out first, but if that's what is gonna happen, that is what's gonna happen.
in a memey update, JJ just got cast in another game and it reminded me of a JJ-ism I never confessed about. JJ was on call and showing me... a pet in a glass box, but i didn't know what the pet was or what it was supposed to be, because I couldn't see it. but he was like wow isn't it cute, so i fully called a stick which was the only thing i could see, cute. a STICK.
anyway so like.... back to game. i think the merge boot will be ian or jason which dun dun dun! its probs overdue and will happen, or it'll be me! we will see anyway
why am i drinking white wine with julia on call at 3am, we are truly the wine mum duo drinking our way till the end
I think I'm in the middle of everything atm, which is a weird place for me to be. I'm not in the center, I'm not looking from the outside in, I'm not really a part of anything major or in any alliances and it's an odd feeling. I know I need to do something to secure myself in something but everything in this game just feels up in the air, it's odd. I don't know if it's just how Survivor is, but it's a very strange feeling not having a proper grasp on what's going on with EVERYONE. I have ideas but not a lot of real confirmation for much besides Jason/Ian, Mo/Jones, etc. Anyways. IDK WHAT ELSE TO SAY OKAY I'm boring AF this game
Ok so for starters the immunity challenge ended after 2 hours of its posting adhgfjgs Tom won so big woo for him.
The Budva baes agreed to target Alex/Mo/Caeleb/Jones in this challenge and we got Mitch, Tom and Jules to work with us. Well kinda because the four (Me, Ali, Julia and Jason) of us were the ones who did most of the shooting to eliminate the Durmitor four and we just like went back and forth eliminating one another. I was the first to die in my group so big yikes!! I don't know if that's an omen idk but I do know that I was killed by grandma jones. So I killed grandma too oops!
Anyway, fast forward to today. I got an idol clue from the Hamburger but idk if this will help me get the idol hfjhsgf. So I shared it to Budva Baes and with Tom. Who knows we might get it idk.
In other news, on call Jules flipped because of an earthquake jgfjshgf
A tribe call happened that had almost everyone except Jones and Benj join which lasted about like 3-4 hours?? Anyway, me, julia, jules, jason, ali, mitch and alex played cards against humanity so that was fun!
After Alex and Jules left the call, the five of us who remained then proceeded to plan for the vote. As of now I think we're gonna throw our votes towards Caeleb because apparently he doesn't talk to them that much? I do talk with Caeleb but nothing game related so I guess I'm on board with that. We're not gonna target Alex rn because Julia mentioned that Alex might wanna work with budva people? or that maybe just a ploy, either way Julia and Mitch thinks Alex has the durmitor idol so that's something to be weary.
If I had my way I want to target Jones because during the call, Mitch and Julia expressed how they want her to stay and how they insta love her and to me that's kinda dangerous. But rn I don't think the numbers are their for me to go after Jones. Another hot topic on the call we had was Benj. I'm really becoming more weary of Benj because umm idk even tho we talk I feel like he's hiding something.
So far, the plan is for Julia to approach Jules about voting Caeleb. Jules is important for this vote because she's like in the middle rn and we need numbers. Also ghasgdd julia got a freaking auto-vote on herself for this incoming tribal council so we are screwed if they vote for Julia. Tom is also important but me and Jason have an alliance with him that Ali and Julia are not aware of so he's good hopefully.
Anyways as of now, the plan is Caeleb (which kinda sucks because I kinda like him) but who knows whats gonna happen. Just hope things go in my favor for this vote.
Apparently I’m a secondary target for the vote, but I’m like oddly at peace? Maybe it’s because I’m super tired but being anxious is never fun so I’m relieved that I’m so calm.
This tribal is so freakin messy. Literally everybody be crackheads and I am a freakin crackhead. I knew Mitch was gonna do me in again, I am sad that JJ blew up chances with Tom working with us, and I can't trust Jules because she's right in the middle. I think Benj is still with us. But gosh they'll vote me tonight and I wannnnna survive. If only I could like strongarm whoever has this freakin idol into playing it for me.
Anyways, I love Grandma's boys. They're all sweet and nice and wonderful and I want us to get this to work out. I hope Alex can work his magic, but also I hate that this has turned me into someone who is just riding the coattails at this point. Maybe I need to do some FREAKIN crackheadidness but hell we'll freakin see.
ALSO
Jones has the IDOL OOOOOOOOOO. I think she might play it for me if things are looking bad. Literally my grandma is the most amazing I love her. Things be crazy and cracked here in Podgorica but the spice is nice.
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okay this confessional is a call out post, to basically the entire cast except for jules and benj. like its negative and mean, so I'm gonna scream, and then write some actually strategy and smart stuff KLDSAFAS.
Julia. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE HEART, but. You have got us into such a pickle and are playing the middle too aggressively, dragging me kicking and screaming with you. Why would you make a Budva chat yesterday, to flip on it TODAY, that is such, SUCH a quick turn around
Alex. You are so sweet, and I really enjoyed the call yesterday, but you are already terrifying as an ally and are giving off JJ game vibes. This 'alliance' I'm in, of Jules/Julia/Me/Alex/Mo/Jones... terrifies me, WHY IS NOBODY TALKING. And then I love how Alex was like 'lets vote out someone from each side across two rounds' and then like... suggests Jason, a) one name b) one vote. And then it's like... he goes okay maybe Mitch the following round? Another OG Budva? I have to laugh, I have to LAUGH, this alliance is so fake askdlfaf. I love everyone in this alliance as people, but as allies I'm not feeling it.
Jones. You are a legend, and naming my plants was so fun, but you go so crickets its really scary, like it just looks SO sus. I wish you were more open gamey, I really wanna work with you grrrr.
Mo. Mo is my son, and I love him, but oh. my. god. is he frustrating to play with JLSAKDFAF. I have never played with someone who is so passive and who literally... does not say anything. Like on calls, he is so fun because he is the sweetest and a great guy, but his only comments and contributions have been 'I think I am going' and 'I have accepted my fate'. mo, MO, you can't be doing this and pulling these shenanigans, you are so likable just... give it a go and play the game HNNNGH.
okay that was mean and negative but I fully needed to scream. To clarify my situation, last night Julia made a chat of all the Budvas - Benj after the call, and we settled on voting Caeleb? But Julia wants to flip, and formed this group with Alex of them two, me, Jones, Jules & Mo. Like Julia, I get playing the middle, but this is playing. the. middle. I didn't want to be in such a middle position I hate this so much SKADLFASF.
It's really frustrating. I want Ian/Jason/Alex out because they all terrify me on a game level. But Julia has put us in the middle in a way that we are gonna have NO NUMBERS TO MAKE A MOVE UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Like I just wish she ASKED me before she made a group with Alex that I got dragged into.
I feel like me and Jules have to just... get in with Mitch. Its the only way. And Caeleb too I guess? Like I think the alliance I'm going to need is like... Me/Tom/Jules/Caeleb/Benj/Mitch... like that's a 6, and with Julia might be the numbers we need going forward.
I'm like... not gonna win this season I know it already. Jason is gonna be furious with me, as is Ian. And then I'm gonna have to flip BACK in two rounds. This is literally the exact game I've played before that hasn't worked.
Having said that, the main thing I did wrong before was that I didn't own my moves. So I need to own it, when I vote out Jason I need to talk to Ian and pull me in, so we can just... remove Alex. I just want everyone gone already askdlfa, its so so so tiring.
Here is what I want to happen now:
Ian > Alex > Jason > Mo > Jones > Mitch > Caeleb > Julia > Tom > F3: Me/Jules/Benj
but like... its just... im in such a bad mood about all this, its really... just enough.
Also for the funsies, if I was a juror, at FTC from most to least, this is who I'd vote for so far:
Jules > Benj > Mitch > Ian > Julia > Jason > Tom > Caeleb > Alex > Jones > Mo
So this tribal is shaping up in our favor... hopefully. I think Jason's for sure going now at least. It should be a 9-3 vote if everyone's telling the truth... which would make it so easy to split the votes because I'm pretty sure Jason or Ian have the idol. The most we can hope for is make them think Caeleb is going home for sure.
Pray for me. I don't wanna be a merge boot. I feel like I have a lot more game to play.
im about to save jason and fix all my problems.
i'm gonna push the vote onto ian, saying jason is very nervous and seems like he will play an idol, pushing the vote onto ian. Then I will tell Jason before/after (to be decided) the vote that I saved him, thereby securing his trust so that we can make a move on Alex next round.
I have NEVER played so aggressively, and tried to take control so much in the vote, but Julia put me in a crap situation. But I'm not gonna like... sit here and have it happen, I am here to play a good game, I said so in my application.
I think this is the way of ensuring minimal blood on my hands, and I've wanted Ian out since round two KLASDFA.
I wake up and I then learn that HOW IN THE WORLD ALEX KNOWS THAT CAELEB IS A TARGET THIS ROUND???
Mitch told him? Like what the hell is happening???! I talked with Alex and he says he’s ok with Caeleb which is really weird??
Tom then goes online and tells me Alex has been going around telling people different names and he told Caeleb my name >.>
AND NOW JULES AND BENJ ARE MIA AND ITS REALLY SKETCHY
I am gonna get voted!! I can feel it ahsjdiff so much for my never voted out status :(((
50 minutes till tribal and the plan is to vote out Jason but make Jason think it’s Ian or Caeleb? Unless I’m getting blindsided which in that case, well done. I’m really tired and I just want some Mac and cheese and a nap.
why is the one time alex and jones pip up to squash my beautiful plan. like go back to being crickets at all signs of game talk thank you very much.
alternatively... tom and jules could come in clutch, flipping caeleb to vote out alex that works too.
i'm annoyed with jones/mo/alex they can go. like i've wanted jason and ian out as a duo for ninety-five years, but maybe i wanna keep them around.
Jones is fuckinf PISSED
THESE BUDVA ARE CRACKED AND WANNA CHANGE THE VOOOOTE SKSKKSJSJSKSJ WE HAVE LITERALLY 40 MINUTES
If Jason idols himself, I’m idoling Caeleb and I’m gonna gonna kill someone
If Jason idols Ian and we get Jason out I’m laughing my ass off
If Jason idols himself and I idol Caeleb and I’m SOMEHOW IDOLED OUT then fuck that shit I’ll literally kill someone
I just wanna tell these Budva in space jam then it’ll be ok
I DO NOT WANT TO BE VOTING JASON AT ALL THE FUCK I WANT TO GET ALEX THE FUCK OUT OF HERE BUT NO CAELEB APPARENTLY WANTS TO VOTE JASON I HATE THIS THEY REALLY ARE TRYING TO GET MY HOMIE JASON OUT!!! WAS I CONSPIRING AGAINST HIM AND IAN ALL WEEK? MAYBE SO! BUT I DON'T WANT HIM OUT YET!!! I DON'T!! WE ARE TRYING TO BLINDSIDE ALEX BUT THIS AIN'T WORKING UGHGHGHGHG *STOMPS ON THE GROUND* UGHGHGHGH I HATE THIS GOODBYE
me flipping my vote to make it a 5-4-3-1 sending Ian out... I'm either the second coming of Natalie Anderson or 11th place.
The moment Mitch, Julia and Ali stopped responding to me and Jason I felt it. That we were being bamboozled and it looks like we did.
Tom and Jason were true to me and the end and I love them for that. Screw snake Julia because she really fucking played me like a fiddle lol and fuck Ali, mitch and benj hahahahahahahahaahahahahahHaha Because it really hurts! Alex is a scheming lying bitch and at least Mo half lied to me oof
At least my vacation is saved. I love the hosts, Drew, Seamus, Johnny and Asya for having me. I stan Nicole G forever. Bora Bora will always be my home. Goodbye tumblr survivor!
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hey just wanted to let y’all know i think i’m living in an alternate progression of time than i was ~7 years ago (at least, possibly less than that tho) because i distinctly remember finding the celine dion ballad “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now” from a long tumblr audio post about a man being driven by a quasi-stranger home(?) from a party(?) one night and the song comes on and the driver begins to quietly sing along -- i think there’s even a point that as the song began she fell into an eerily zoned-in mood, focused entirely on the Emotion and performance) -- and he was like wtf is going on and then it progresses as the song goes on (he makes a point to comment on the extreme length of the song as it is seemingly endless bc of the dramatiques) until she’s fully belting, realllly feeling it in front of this guy she barely knows, calming back down as she quietly ends the song with celine and then just continues driving as if that wasn’t odd. the op then writes how this horrifying experience got the song stuck in his head all the time, so he started listening to it just to deal w it, but then he was like this is good (it is) and says how now he plays it in the car, and as the first notes hits he quiets to prepare for his own performance regardless of those around him (it ends with a “...” i KNOW that). it’s good and very long and makes me laugh and makes the song experience better each time i listen to it. but......... IT’S GONE. i have searched for hours over the past few weeks for it but it honest to god is gone. if it isn’t please find it for me bc i love it. but i think this is the mandela effect and that something in space time has shifted from like ~2012 and for some reason that was stripped from the timeline. it makes my head spin!!!!!!!!! ahhhh!!!!!
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