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sparklingchan · 4 years ago

Text

Ruby Eyes|| Seo Changbin (Stray Kids)

Pairing : Reader(fem.) X Changbin

Word count : 7.3k+

Warnings : Mention of an accident, cuss words, divorce, a single kiss.

Genre : Romance, Soulmate AU, fluff, angst, best friends to lovers.

Description: Seo Changbin has done everything in his capacity to remove and replace you, yet fate seems to have different plans for the both of you.

A/N : Hello everyone ahhh I know it’s been so long y’all. So many things have been going on including exams and internships and I just didn’t have the patience to write :(( This one shot was written as a part of a collab event by wonderful, dear Ro!

I hope y’all like it!

"So, how's it being back, y/n?"

Your dad looks older now than he did the last time you saw him - probably two years ago, when you were leaving the country.

You missed him, really. You missed his warmth and his wisdom and how he was a sharp contrast to your mother, more calm and composed. Sometimes you wonder how your mother had even managed to get your custody after their divorce.

"Okay, I guess." You lie.

You didn't want your father to know how your feelings are all over the place, ranging from sadness to anger and longingness.

It's a weird thing to be experiencing such a cocktail of emotions when you'd convinced yourself these feelings had disappeared the day you left the old neighborhood, seven years ago. You had not felt any attachment towards the new neighborhood that you and your mother then went on to live for the next two years before you moved abroad for your studies. Yet you feel nostalgic now, as your father drives you through your old old neighborhood.

"How's mom?" He asks, taking a left to a road all too familiar to you, "Is she still going to therapy?"

You nod, "She's getting better, I think. The new country seems to have changed her. The therapy is helping too. She has many friends there now. "

At first when you were offered a job at one of the biggest publishing companies in the world, you were ecstatic. But everything soon died down when you found out you were posted at a branch in the country you'd left behind. It was your mother who'd convinced you to take it.

"I know you don't like being back, y/n." Your dad smiles sadly when he pulls over infront of your old house.The house that contains years of secrets, tears, lies and whispered confessions in front of the mirror stands in front of you, as grand and pretty as ever. It looks different but similar enough to make you tear up a tad bit.

"But I'm glad you're here. I really am." He says, "I renovated the house a little when you told me you were moving back. I hope it's okay."

You smile at the old man, wrapping your arms around him, "Thanks, dad. I missed you. I'm glad you're here, too."

He pecks your forehead, "I missed you, too, love."

Moving in doesn't take a lot of time since your dad had already set up everything. You just had to get some of your stuff and you were ready to kick start your stay.

That evening, your father leaves after making you promise to call him if anything happens at all and when the front door closes, you find yourself in the company of your old room.

You lie on your bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling as you hum an old tune to yourself. And without meaning to, you find yourself thinking about him; The man you hadn't seen or talked to for a whole seven years. The man who'd tried his best to stay in touch with you yet gave up when you didn't reciprocate the same.

A horrific realization then dawns on you,

He'd obviously replaced you now.

The familiar clouds of grief loom over you, threatening to engulf you any moment now.

No. Not now, please.

Getting up from your bed immediately, you shake your head as you make your way to the mirror- the mirror that had encountered more honest tears and smiles and words than any human ever had. You stare at your reflection as tears escapes your eyes, the bright red iris of your right eye staring back at you when you rub your tears off.

You shiver.

"Shit, I forgot to wear the contacts."

Quickly grabbing your lenses from your bag, you put them on, concealing the scary blood red color of your right eye. You take two long strides across the room and pulling your favorite black hoodie over your head, you walk out of the door.

By the time you manage to leave the house, it's already 10:30 in the evening. A quiet calmness has fallen over the town, as the shops and restaurants near the market square slowly start closing up. Your feet are as if on autopilot, taking you to that one place you know would still be open; Yang's Café.

And rightly so, the smell of freshly brewed coffee reaches your nostrils when you walk through their main door, past the group of chatty teenagers waiting outside. This place hasn't changed much, you realize, the brown and golden hues of the place and the vintage coffee cups collection in the far corner of the Cafe are still the same. The only difference is that you're no longer here with your best friend right after school, you are here all alone on an evening too quiet for your liking.

"Y/n? Is that you?"

When you turn around to face the owner of the voice, you are stunned.

"Jeongin?"

Jeongin's family has owned this Cafe for three generations now, from his great-grandparents, his grandparents, his parents and soon enough it'll pass down to him. As a kid, you remember often playing with Jeongin at the park and teaming up with him during quiz competition. He was always sweet and always smiley.

But the handsome young man that stands in front of you doesn't resemble the Jeongin you once used to know, not even a little bit.

"What..what happened to you!" You exclaim, taking his face in your hands, "Where are the braces! And the specs and wow, would you look at the blue hair!"

Jeongin can only let out a few giggles as you continue squishing his face and complaining how big he's grown in only over seven years.

The customers give you weird stares but only the heavens above know how genuinely happy you are to see Jeongin, albeit the fact you almost couldn't recognize him there for a second.

"What have you done to my child?" You mutter when you've finally calmed down and Jeongin takes you to your seat.

"I have a mother, y/n, thank you very much," he laughs, taking a seat opposite to yours, loosening the Barista apron around his torso, "And I missed you too."

You attempt to pinch his cheeks but he is quick to dodge.

"So how have you been?" He asks through giggly breaths.

You sigh, "I'm good... I feel weird being back here, honestly but I think I'll get used to it soon. What about you?"

"I've been good. Graduated a few months back, now I'm working here full time." He ushers over a waiter, "What would you like, y/n?"

You don't even think for a second while responding, "An iced Americano, please."

The waiter notes your order and walks away before Jeongin pinches your arm teasingly.

"Ouch. What?"

"Old habits die hard, huh? You always used to drink an iced coffee whenever we hung out here. I am glad to see nothing much has changed," Jeongin laughs, "You and Changbin, too!"

That one name sends your entire mind into a frenzy. Changbin. Seo Changbin. The love of your life. The man who you wouldn't even go to school without, the man who had saved you from a terrible accident, also the man who probably no longer even remembers you.

And you realise, despite everything, your heart yearns for him, still- for you wouldn't be in so much pain at the mention of his name otherwise.

Jeongin seems to have noticed your discomfort because he immediately changes the topic, "Anyway, you have to try our new chocolate cake. It's heavenly, I'm telling you."

Your reason to leave the neighborhood wasn't a secret, really. It was public knowledge that your mother had blamed Changbin for the fatal accident you almost had.

You're grateful for what Jeongin does, and try your best to engage in conversations about the neighborhood and old gossip you'd missed out on. Yet all you want to do is drive out of the damn Cafe and find changbin.

"Y/n?"

Or maybe, Changbin will find you.

Behind Jeongin, you see the blurry image of a man that had once caused you great misery yet you had never felt as happy as when you were with him.

"Hi..hi, Changbin." You stammer as you see the said man walk towards your table.

The seven years have as if done some magic on him, because the Changbin that walks towards you in no way resembles your high school best friend.

With thick buff arms, new ear piercings and silver jewelry gracing his wrists and fingers, you have a hard time actually accepting the fact that Seo Changbin is really there, in front of you.

"Been long, huh?" He grins, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and somewhere in the depths of your conscience, you realize it might have been your fault. You'd done everything in your capacity to break apart from this friendship, ignoring his calls, changing your number, even going as far as blocking him on all social media.

So, did you really expect him to welcome you back with open arms when you had caused him so much pain?

Jeongin brings an extra chair for Changbin to sit on and soon, the three of you are talking, maybe not like the old, happy days but it's still better than nothing. Changbin looks at you everytime you throw your head back and laugh, your eyes squeezing shut as his heart clenches in his chest.

You are really back home.

"So what have you been doing? I told you guys about me." Jeongin says, stealing a bite off of Changbin's cheesecake.

"Oh..you know," Changbin giggles, the tip of his ears turning a light pink shade.

You raise your eye brows in confusion.

"Been busy with the wedding and all."

Your heart drops. "Wedding? W-whose wedding?" You try to laugh it off but it's very evident from the way you're gripping your glass of iced Americano that it has affected you. A lot more than you actually thought.

"I'm getting married, y/n," Changbin smiles, "I'm so glad you could be around for the wedding."

Your grief stricken self has not gotten up from the bed since last night and you're thankful to Jeongin for finally checking up on you or else you would have gone deeper into the spiral hole of despair.

"Are you really going to be like this, y/n?"

You hate being miserable on the very second day of your stay. You hate depending on Jeongin. But you can barely move without bursting out into tears,so it seems as though there's no better idea than have someone take care of you at the moment.

"I'm sorry, Jeongin. " You manage to speak when he places a bag full of snacks and drinks on the dining table, "And thanks."

Jeongin chuckles, "Don't thank me, just yet. Guess who wants to meet up with you?"

Your eyes widen for a split second as you sit up on the couch, "Who?!"

No, he wouldn't, would he?

"It's not the person you think, y/n. Calm down." He laughs, "It's Bang Chan. Your senior, you remember?"

Oh, yes, the infamous Bang Chan. Shy smiles, dimples, curly hair, angelic eyes. Yeah, you remember the school's heartthrob. Very clearly.

"I was talking to him this morning and he said he'd be very glad to catch up with you again." Jeongin settles beside you, "It's not a date, y/n. He's an old friend. It wouldn't hurt, would it? You can't possibly sit here all day long crying about him."

You open your mouth to argue, but only air slips out and you realise you don't have anything to defend your miserable state with. You knew this was coming; when you cut off all ties with Seo Changbin, you knew this was coming.

Jeongin is right; you need to go out and meet new people.

You roll your eyes before pinching Jeongin's cheeks, "Fine. Give him my number."

He responds by pulling your cheeks as well.

The first day of work is weirdly gut wrenching.

You hadn't expected yourself to be this nervous but here you are, muttering under your breath as you make way towards the office.

"You'll be okay, y/n," you breathe in, "You've worked hard for this." And breathe out.

A few more minutes of self pep talking and you see all your hard work and expectations go down the drain as you feel a few droplets of rain fall onto your head. You look up and the dark, heavy clouds greet you.

Bloody brilliant.

You see the office goers around you jog quickly to the nearest shelter but you're short on luck today as your gaze falls on your watch and you realize you don't have enough time to wait for the rain to pass.

So you grab your office bag, cover your head with that and make a run for it.

The sole of your high heel shoes dig into your feet and a throbbing pain shoots through your body, as you wince. Note to yourself - never wear heels to office again.

You also secretly pray to the gods that your contact lens don't get washed off. Turning up at your new office on the first day with a blood red iris doesn't feel too fun, really.

"Do you need a lift?"

You had been so busy running to your office that you don't notice when a black car drives toward you and the driver rolls down the window, offering you a smile.

Seo Changbin.

Your heart skips a few beats.

"Y/n, do you need a lift?"

You blink back to reality when he clicks his fingers in front of you, "I-I mean if that's okay with you."

Changbin smiles, pointing to the passenger's seat, "Come on in."

When you're comfortably seated in his car, using his spare towel to wipe off the water from your face and hair, his questions start-

"So.." He steps on the break when the traffic light turns red, "How have you been?"

You look at the digital clock displayed on the cars' LED, and sigh. You're late to work and you're stuck in traffic with the one man you'd rather not be stuck in traffic with. Brilliant.

"Good." Your eyes are focused on the cars outside the window, "You?"

There's a moment of silence before he speaks again, "Fine."

Fine? Just Fine? Shouldn't he be over the clouds, now that the wedding is finally around the corner?

"Okay.."

"Actually, I meant to ask you earlier, y/n." He turns to you, a gentle smile playing at his lips, "I am throwing a party this weekend. I'd love it if you could come by. And I could introduce you to her."

You sink back into your seat, biting your lip, wondering if you want to ever know who her is. Your peace of mind is more important than meeting your ex crush's fiance, right? And if you do end up going to the party, whom would you hang out with? It's not like you know any of his rich friends and cousins and there's no way you'd hang out with Changbin and the said fiance.

You are about to respectfully reject the invitation when a sudden, seemingly good idea pops into your head.

Bang Chan.

You nod, shrugging, "Okay. I'll be there."

You clasp your hands together as he continues driving and you look out the window, unable to suppress the bubbling excitement.

"Great, then." He replies, suspiciously.

The evening of the party finally arrives, much to your dismay, you find yourself seated next to Chan. He's just the same as the guy in your memory; a gentleman.

"You look pretty, y/n." He had greeted you as he held the car door open for you, "I'm glad we could meet up."

His words turn your cheeks into a darker shade of red but your heart doesn't beat quite as furiously as you'd expect it to.

Muttering a small thank you, you seat comfortably in the car while Chan drives towards Changbin's family's old Farmhouse on the outskirts of the city. You've been there before - during summer holidays, he would take you there with his family. That place was only filled with happy memories of sunshine, swimming pools, watermelon juice and bonfires.

You swallow the grief that comes along with these memories.

"Are we here already?" Chan pulls over in a familiar driveway not even ten minutes later, jogging up to your door and clicking it open, like the gentleman he is.

"Yeah, we're here." Chan smiles, "Very less traffic tonight."

You guys walk through the huge metallic gate, making your way through the main door of the house.

"Uh..." People are crowded mostly around the front door and in the front yard, so you and Chan have to push and squeeze your way into the Farmhouse. You hate the feeling of sweaty bodies pressing against you (or holding Chan's hand for stability) but desperate situations call for desperate measures.

"I hate it here." You mutter when you later find yourself by the pool side, swirling the drink that you don't even plan on drinking and looking at all the flushed faces having the time of their lives.

Thankfully, Chan happens to be on the same boat as you.

"I'm sorry I dragged you here, Chan. We could have just gone for a movie."

Chan giggles, "Hey, it's alright. I don't mind, I'm glad I could spend some time with you after so many years."

His eyes shine and dimples deepen.

You whisper, "Yeah, me too."

Chan is a handsome man, good at all kinds of sport, good at arts, very smart and intelligent yet there's a part of you that knows you'd never be able to reciprocate his flirtatious words. It's sad, really, but that's just how life is.

"Wow, those two seem to be having the time of their lives." Chan chuckles, pointing at someone behind you.

It's quite dark outside, the only source of light being a few decorative fairylights hung at random places haphazardly.

Hiding behind a huge, tall bush, you see a couple, kissing each other like it were the last day on the planet.

The guy's hands roam all over the woman's body and the woman is so loud that even you could hear her sighs and moans. When she pulls away to catch her breath for a second, Chan asks you, "You know her?"

"Nope. I don't know either of them."

You look away; what kind of creep looks at a happy couple like that? (Not a creep, just a lonely and touch starved person)

"Should we check out the dinner table?" Chan suggests and you agree with a nod, "I hope there's no crowd there."

As expected, there actually isn't a crowd there - there's only Changbin, sitting and nibbling on a pizza slice while scrolling through the phone.

The moment your eyes land on him, your feet as if stop on their own and your heart bangs furiously against your chest.

He's breathtakingly gorgeous.

By the time you debate in your head whether or not you want to sit there and fill your stomach, Chan has already made his way to Changbin.

"Hey, Bin!" He greets him with a smile.

Changbin looks at Chan with an unamused smile, the same one from your high school days, when these two were named the biggest rivals on campus. You wonder if somewhere deep in his heart, Changbin had still not let go of that rivalry.

"Hey, Changbin." You manage to whisper before sitting beside Chan.

He looks almost angry.

"You should have the pizza. It's good." He mutters, turning to pass you a slice of pizza on a plate, "Help yourself, Chan."

Yup, there it is. The Seo Changbin that would kill to be on top. You feel worse about dragging Chan here now when neither of you were having a good time.

"Thanks, mate. " Chan replies.

Your ears ring with the sound of approaching footsteps, and when a pretty girl comes walking in and takes Changbin in her arms, your heart stings. Like a fresh wound.

"Y/n.." Chan whispers to you as you watch the two collide in a loving embrace, Changbin smiling at her and running his fingers through her hair.

Your heart hurts at how happy and content he looks.

You could have had that, a part of you thinks, if you weren't such a coward, it would have been you instead of her.

"Y/n," Chan calls you again.

"What?" Your tone is harsher than you intended, "What happened?"

You think Chan is about to give you the whole it-is-time-to-move-on talk but he doesn't, instead he points at the girl and whispers,

"It's her. The girl we saw earlier."

The rest of the night is blurry to you, all conversations, all gazes, all thoughts just feel ....like an awkward dream.

"We have to tell Changbin."

You're sitting at Yang's Cafe at 1 am the same night, watching Jeongin's brother guide his staff to clean the place up.

"I agree." Chan says, biting the inside of his cheeks.

While you, on the other hand, are completely zoned out, staring at the glass of water placed in front of you and watching the droplets on its surface race each other.

"Y/n, what do you think?" Jeongin asks when you don't take part in their discussions.

You sigh, "I don't know. I really don't. As much as it troubles me that Changbin is being cheated on, I don't want to get involved in their personal relationship. "

"Let's not tell anyone for now, then. But someday in the future, before that goddamn wedding, we have to tell him. He deserves to know." Chan agrees.

You purse your lips and close your eyes.

Chan is right.

Changbin deserves to know the truth.

"So, how's it being back in town, y/n?"

"It feels good. Weird, but good." You smile at your old teacher, "How have you been, Miss Oh?"

Your teacher adds sugar to the cup of tea in her hands and then looks at you, smiling - the same old smile, except with more wrinkles now, "I've been good. I'm retiring next year so I'm glad I could see you before that, huh?"

You nod your head, "I'm glad too. The school hasn't changed much, unlike what I had expected."

Other than the addition of some new labs and libraries, and the change in color of the walls, everything was still the same. No place in this old school building feels foreign to you.

"Ugh, these administration people I tell you, y/n, they're cheap idiots. They won't spend a single penny on infrastructure unless it's absolutely necessary." She complains as you giggle in response,

"They've always been like that."

Miss Oh gulps some tea from her cup, "Anyway, y/n, I have a class now. I would have loved to stay and chat, really, but I'm afraid that might get me in to trouble."

"No issues, Miss Oh. Go ahead. I'll just roam around the school a little more though, if that's okay."

After Miss Oh leaves, you step out of her cabin and walk the familiar corridors, reminiscent of the memories you have here. Studying a few minutes before tests, bunking classes, running to class when you're late, hanging out with your friends- these corridors have seen you grow in love, in friendship, in life. There's absolutely nothing that could ever replace these memories.

Mindlessly, you wander around the third floor, walking toward the end of the corridor before stopping in front of an old door, way too familiar to not try and push open.

While a part of you tells you it might not be a good idea to go into that room again, there's also a part of you that thinks it's a bloody brilliant idea.

Pushing the door open, you walk into the old dusty room, sighing in relief when you see a particular set of letters still carved on the wall.

CB and YN were here.

You finally let your tears run free, as you crouch down to touch the letters.

Your heart aches at how much you miss Changbin being an important part of your life and how much you miss being his top priority. And your heart aches for Changbin, who is so in love with his fiancé and has no idea he's being cheated on.

You almost want to leave this town and go back to your mother, away from this terrible mess. Yet you don't find it in yourself to act on those thoughts.

Maybe, it is your fear of abandoning him once again that stops you. Or, maybe it is simply the unconditional love you harbor for him.

* Surprisingly, Yang's Cafe is near empty that afternoon.

"Did something happen, y/n? You look really worried." Changbin has his arms crossed over his chest, looking at you with a tense frown.

"Um..it's kind of complicated." You sigh. For a second, you see the genuine concern and innocence on his face, and you wonder if it is worth telling him the truth at all because it would kill you to see him lose his smile but then, his engagement band shines on his ring finger and your stomach turns unpleasantly.

He has to know. From you. In person.

"Changbin, that day at your party...I saw something. " You whisper, "Something I shouldn't have. I should have turned a blind eye really but I can't. My conscience won't allow it. I'm sorry, Bin."

"Y/n, it's okay, just tell me," he reaches over and wraps his fingers around yours, soft and gentle, "You're scaring me."

"Changbin, your fiance is cheating on you. I-I saw her kissing another man that night. Chan saw it too." You feel sick even having to say this to him, "I think you should confront her."

He sucks in a deep breathe, his face completely void of any emotions as he extracts his hands from yours.

"I know." Is all he says.

His eyes drill into yours, as if accusing you of a crime. He looks angry. Just how he looked the day you brought Chan to his party.

"Why are you still marrying her then?" You question.

He sits up straight, "Y/n, I wish I could explain. But I can't. I'm sorry. And please, stay out of this, okay?"

"Why? Why should I stay out of it?" Your voice threatens to break, "I cannot watch my best friend marry a woman who's not loyal. You deserve better than this, Bin."

A sarcastic chuckle leaves Changbin's lips as he taps his foot against the floor, "Let me correct you, y/n. You were my best friend. Seven years ago. You're not anymore."

Your heart shatters.

A part of you knows you deserve this after ghosting him for seven long years. You were the center of each other's world at one point of time.How could you have been so selfish to ever think that your absence and lack of communication wouldn't hurt him?

"Changbin, I'm sorry for everything I did okay. B-but I never stopped thinking or worrying about you. Even for one second. And I still do."

Changbin pushes his chair back and stands up while you stay frozen in your seat.

"It doesn't seem like that though. "

"What do you even mean!"

"Chan. I mean Chan, y/n." He grabs his phone and purse, "Goodbye, y/n. I hope Chan turns out to be a better friend than I ever did." With that, the love of your life walks out of Yang's Cafe.

And for once, he doesn't even look back.

* "Y/n, don't let go of my hand!"

Changbin is panting heavily, his voice shaking with fear as he desperately tries to hold onto you.

He should have known it would be a bad idea to play badminton near the infamous cliff in your town yet when you had showed him your innocent smile and pleading eyes that day, he just couldn't say no.

Your sweaty hands clutch his, legs dangling over the edge of the cliff. Your free hand grabs the rough surface of the rocky cliff to keep yourself from falling.

You want to cry; but you're too traumatized to even let out more than a few terrified grunts. "Y/n," he yells, "I'm going to try and pull you up one more time, okay?."

You don't even remember how you had ended up in this situation; one second you were happily giggling, playing badminton with Changbin and in the next second, you found yourself hanging by the cliff, praying for your dear life.

With all the energy he has left, he tries to pull you up onto the surface.

"Y/n, you have to free the other hand. Let go of that rock." He pants.

You shake your head vigorously, you know you would not survive if you let go of the rock, you'd fall thousands of feet below into absolute nothingness.

"Y/n, please listen to me." Changbin pleads, now crying, "Please. I'll catch you, I promise. I'll not let you die. Just..please."

Changbin sounds like he's about to give up and in all honesty, you couldn't blame him really. Everytime your eyes fall on what's beneath you, a part of you loses hope.

"Please, come on, y/n," he's still pulling at your free hand, while his right hand awaits desperately to grab the other hand. A mixture or sweat and tears grace his face, making him shine under the bright afternoon sun. Your heart aches at the mere thought of never seeing him again- your friend, your childhood crush, your partner in everything.

Well, here goes nothing then.

You suck in a deep breath and let go the Rock, immediately reaching for Changbin. He is quick to grab both of your arms and in one swift movement, he pulls you up onto the surface.

You fall onto his chest, "Y-you saved me."

Changbin let's out a sob mixed with a relieved giggle, pulling you into his arms.

Your eyes feel heavy, as darkness slowly begins to engulf your vision.

"Oh God, I am so sorry this happened, y/n. It's all my fault." He cries, rubbing your back softly, "I'm so sorry. I thought I was going to lose you, oh God. Fuck!"

You want to tell him that it was never his fault, and that you wouldn't even be alive if not for him but your body betrays you and your body goes limp against his.

"I'm not leaving this neighborhood."

Your hands rest angrily on your waist as your mom frantically walks from your closet to where the suitcase is spread open on your bed, shifting all your clothes. She dumps them inside the suitcase, not bothering to fold them even.

"You will do as I say! That Seo Changbin tried to push you off of a cliff and heaven knows what he might do next!" Your mom yells back.

You sit at the edge of your bed, trying to keep yourself calm, "Mom, I told you it was an accident. I fell because I was going after the shuttlecock and didn't notice the cliff. Moreover, why would my best friend want try to kill me!"

Your mom let's out a sarcastic laugh, closing the suitcase roughly. She looks at you with eyes full of contempt and a part of you knows that there's no point in trying to convince her. Her mind is already made. Yet you refuse to go down without a fight.

"You're just sixteen, sweetie. You don't know anything about the cruel world, " your mother sighs, "Rich people are not friends with anyone. Changbin may be nice to you but he only sees you as a pathetic poor girl."

"Mom, we're not even poor!"

"Yes, I know. But those filthy rich businessmen consider everyone below their economic status poor. His family probably doesn't like him being friends with you which is why they asked him to get rid of you."

You think of Mrs. Seo's face in your head, always smiling and always welcoming. You remember Changbin's sister and how she'd promised to let you borrow her dress for this year's winter prom. And you think about Changbin- his face, his smile, his passion for music and his protectiveness towards you. Why would these people ever want to hurt you?

"Mom, you're being ridiculous right now! Do you even hear yourself!" You stand up from the bed, now beyond frustrated.

She walks upto you and grabs your arm tightly, nails digging into your skin as you whimper slightly. "You will listen to me. I am your mother and you will listen to me. " she growls, "Pack the rest of your stuff. We're leaving tomorrow."

When she finally walks out your bedroom, your first instinct is to dress yourself in your black hoodie and track pants, and quietly slip out of the back window of your room.

The cold air nips at your skin, goosebumps slowly appearing on your arms and legs but you're too preoccupied to pay too much heed to it.

You reach Changbin's house and like always, walk up to the backyard and climb upto his room through the emergency staircase.

When Changbin hears knocks on his window, he quickly removes his headphones, "y/n?"

He walks upto the window and let's you in, his heart more at peace now than it's ever been the entire day. The guilt from the accident you had earlier was clawing at his conscience.

His room is mostly dark except for his table lamp. You notice the lyrics notebook lying on the table, open with some scribbles and random phrases on the pages.

"How are you feeling?"

You sit at the edge of his bed, cross legged while he kneels on the floor to get to your level. His hands find yours naturally.

"Fine," you swallow the tears that have been accumulating since you left the house, "Changbin, I- we're leaving tomorrow."

Changbin is taken aback; his heart shattering into billions of pieces at your words.

"Leaving? What do you mean Leaving?" his voice trembles.

You lick your dry lips and tell him everything your mom had told you earlier. When his face twists bitterly, a part of you wishes you'd held your tongue yet a bigger part of you wants Changbin to know the truth now; you didn't want him sending you off with lies in his mind and the fear of him finding out some years later just killed you inside.

"I'm so sorry, Changbin. Mom's just not been okay after the divorce." Your voice breaks when Changbin refuses to look at you, "I know she's speaking bullshit. But there's absolutely nothing I can do to change her mind, I've tried I swear. I'm sorry, Changbin."

When Changbin finally does look at you, even in the dim lit room, you see the tears glistening on his face, mirroring the ones that roll down your cheeks. "Why are you sorry, y/n? I don't blame your mom." He mutters, "It was partly my fault. I should have taken more care, I-"

You cup his cheek, "Shh. Bin, are we really going to spend my last night here crying and blaming ourselves? We might never see each other again."

The words sink deep into his soul, and he nods. He wills his tears back in as he grabs your hand tighter.

"Okay. What do you wanna do?"

You smile a little, "You're not gonna like it though. "

"Stargazing it is then." He giggles a little as the both of you make your way to balcony attached to his room.

It is quiet outside, unlike the noise in your head and you feel the calmness spreading to you when you look up at the stars.

Changbin brings a picnic mat from inside and spreads it out on the floor, along with two pillows and a blanket.

"We'll stay in touch, yeah? If you ever need anything, I'll be right here." He reassures you, lying beside you, hands behind his head.

You smile yet you cannot bring yourself to promise him the same because you know your mother would do everything in her power to push the two of you apart, even to the point of physically hurting Changbin. You would never want that so you'd rather distance yourself and let Changbin forget about you. And maybe, just maybe fate would be a little nicer to you and decide to bring you into his life again. Many years later.

He presses a soft kiss to your head, "You'll always be my best friend, y/n. I don't care how far we are."

It takes everything in your being to not repeat the words.

"Changbin, come on we're getting you to the hospital this instant, okay?" Mrs. Seo is furious next morning, running from room to room, looking through the list of doctors she'd saved just in case of emergency.

When she looks at her son, sitting on the sofa with one of his eye irises turning a glowing red, she is reassured that this is an emergency.

"How did this even happen, mom? I swear I didn't try to do anything funny with my eye." He murmurs, scared, "It feels so itchy, gosh!"

Mrs.Seo looks at him with concern just when the doctor picks the call, "Oh, hello Dr.Lee! Thank god you picked up!"

After his mom walks out of his room, Changbin quickly types you a text,

Binnie: Hey. Did you leave already?

Y/nnie: No not yet. We've stopped at the doctor's.

Changbin's eyes widen in alarm.

Binnie: What why?

You look at your face in the decorative mirror at the doctor's waiting room, one of your irises burning into a bright shade of ruby.

Y/nnie: Mom's running a cold.

You close the messenger app before he even replies, deciding to change your number and deleting all your old contacts as soon as you move into your new house. And as much as it hurt you, this one text turned out to be the last time Changbin and you ever talked.

It has been raining all day, which means you were stuck in your goddamn house with nothing to do but cry about Changbin and your lost friendship and your broken heart.

After you manage to get some food into your body during dinner time, you crawl back to your room and look into the mirror as you comb your hair and moisturize your skin.

(Self care is important, y'all)

Your red iris stares back at you, taunting your mistakes and calling you a coward.

If only you had still tried to keep in touch with him, if only that stupid accident wouldn't have happened in the first place, if only.

Suddenly, a knock on your balcony door makes you jump in your place.

Shit. Is it a burglar?

You grab the closest thing that could be classified as a weapon - which happens to be an umbrella.

The knocking continues.

"Y/n, it's Changbin." He yells, "Can I please talk to you?"

You freeze in your spot.

Why in the world is he here? Does he have anything worse to say? Is he here to invite you to his wedding? But why would he sneak in through the balcony when he can easily ring the main door bell.

"Y/n, are you in there?"

You quickly walk upto the door and slide it open, revealing Changbin, completely drenched in the rain. His wet hair stuck to his face and "Shit. What the- God, come inside!"

He obeys and tiptoes inside your room, a guilty expression plastered on his face.

You guide him directly to the bathroom and offer him a towel.

"What are you even doing here, Bin?" You lean against the door frame, hands crossed over your chest.

He is drying his hair with the towel when he looks up at you as if to answer your question but he stops. His mouth hangs open as his eyes remain glued to your face.

And that's when you realize why he looks so surprised.

"Shit- fuck." You turn around immediately, "my lenses," you mutter to yourself.

But before you can even walk upto your dressing table, Changbin has caught your wrist and spun you around, pulling you closer to his body.

"Your eye." He let's out a shaky breath.

"Yes, I know. Please don't freak out. It's always been like this after -"

"After the accident." He finishes your sentence, "I know."

Your mouth runs dry as his face draws in closer, "What do you mean you know? What do you know?"

He let's go of your wrist and takes a step back, turning around so that his back faces you.

And when he turns to look at you again, you swear you could have passed out there and then.

"Y-you have it too." You whisper, weak in the knees, "You have a red iris too."

Changbin gives you a small smile, "Yes, y/n."

"But why? What does this mean?" You say, "Is it a symptom of some chronic illness?"

"It's a soul mark."

"What's a soul mark?"

"It's a mark that exists on the bodies of soulmates."

You feel a pang in your chest; like someone was squeezing your heart out of your chest.

"Right," You fall back onto the bed, dazed with the sudden piece of information, "And how do you know all this?"

Changbin kneels down in front of you, hands finding yours. He looks more relaxed than he did since the first day you come back to town.

It almost feels like you had been given back your old friend.

"I've been doing my research, y/n. After you left, this is all I've been doing." He says, "This is also the reason why I had gotten engaged. By that time, I had given up on finding a soulmate. So I just settled for whatever I got. I didn't even feel bad when I found out my fiance was not in love with me. For the world, we might look like a happy couple, but truly, it was just a marriage of convenience for our parents' business."

You bite your lips wondering how to respond to these words. He'd laid bare his heart in front of you, something you never thought he'd do ever again.

"What now?" You say, tired.

He intertwines your fingers, "Also, I'm sorry for yesterday. I shouldn't have said all that."

You nod, "It's alright. I know you didn't mean it. And for the record, I and Chan have nothing going on."

"And for the record, I also broke off my engagement."

Your eyes widen as a gasp leaves your lips, "What? Why?"

"Because when I told my parents that I do not love my fiancé, and that I have only ever loved you, they said my happiness was more important than their business."

When you don't reply to his words, he looks worried, "Hey, you don't have to feel burdened to like me back and all okay? Literally, if you want me to leave you alone, I will. I understand-"

You pull him by the nape and place the softest, gentlest, most sincere kiss on his lips.

"I feel the same way, dumbass." You sigh as you pull him into your arms.

He muzzles his face in the crook of your neck, playing with your hair from behind, "So what now?"

"Let's start with a date." You say, "Let's take it slow."

Changbin wraps his arms tighter around you, kissing your cheek, "As you wish, my love. "

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floralseokjin · 4 years ago

Text

;middle of the night (m)

FIRST LOVE, LAST LOVE

After a silly argument, Jungkook wants to apologise… at 2 o’clock in the morning…

pairing; jeon jungkook x reader genre/warnings; established relationship, domesticated goodness, fluff, they have a dog now, or as Jungkook likes to call him ‘the cock block’, smut words; 2,150

more﹆chapter index

“You awake?” Jungkook whispered into the darkness, murmuring your name for good measure.

You kept your eyes shut tight, back to him, pretending you were actually in fact, asleep. Damn love, all these years together had made you so in tune you both could sense when the other was awake. You hadn’t been able to drop off properly ever since you’d hit the hay at 10pm. Tired but unable to switch off. Jungkook hadn’t been beside you the first three times you’d woken, this time however, he was, and just like him, you had known he was awake too.

You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of being correct though, so you clenched your jaw and stayed silent. You were still mad at him after earlier this evening, and if he thought he could just give you a lousy sleep ridden sorry, he had another thing coming.

But then you heard him let out a tiny sigh, deflated if anything, the mattress dipping with his weight as he turned around. Back to back. You hated that. Even after so long you both loved to tangle up in one another right before bed. No wonder you couldn’t get to sleep properly. You were having withdrawals. Plus, you hated going to bed on an argument. You hated arguing with Jungkook altogether.

“What do you want?” You whispered, lifting your head up a little.

He rolled over slowly, the mattress dipping again as he thought of what to say. By now you’d settled your face back into the pillow, waiting patiently. “Can’t sleep,” he mumbled. Ever so gently he outstretched his arm, hand caressing your side as he slid closer. He was really being cautious here. Unsure of your mood. It was actually pretty comical.

He leant in, voice a whisper. “I’m sorry.” He sounded sincere you’d give him that, but the wood in his underwear made you kind of dubious.

“Do you mean that? Or are you just sorry because your dick is hard?”

“No,” he insisted softly. “No, I’m sorry because I’m sorry. I don’t know why my dick’s hard.”

He was being honest, years of being together also meant you knew when he was telling the truth. You stayed silent though, waiting for him to continue. One little sorry wasn’t enough.

“I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“Hm?” You pressed.

He tried again. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“What wasn’t my fault?”

He sighed quietly, resigning himself to the inevitable. “The steak being fatty. It was childish of me.”

There it was. You grinned to yourself, thankful he couldn’t see your face. He probably felt like an idiot for getting so mad over something so trivial. Although you knew why. He was stressed over work; opening his own tattoo parlour had been amazing but he still wasn’t used to needing to be switched on practically all day, every day. Being your own boss had its perks of course, but there also came the downsides. Working six days a week, getting home late. He was exhausted. And stressed.

It was the steak with too much fat that had set him off tonight, and when you had laughed at his overreaction, it was you who’d been on the receiving end of his frustration. You’d ignored one another for the rest of the night and you’d gone up to bed way before he had. Now, with the moonlight slipping through the shades, Jungkook’s body beside you, the touch of his hand against your waist, you softened. You would easily forgive him over something so silly.

“That’s okay,” you reassured, shuffling onto your back to get a look at him. You reached for his face, cupping his cheek. You could just make him out, eyes still adjusting to the darkness. He was shirtless, hair in his eyes. You pushed some behind his ear, wanting to see his face. “We’re allowed to be a bit childish sometimes,” you smiled. “Sorry for teasing you.”

You weren’t exactly innocent in all of this. You admit you liked to get a rise out of him sometimes just because he was so easy to goad. You should’ve known better lately. Even if he pretended like everything was alright, it probably meant it wasn’t. He hated being a burden, and he already felt guilty for using your shared savings on the parlour – it didn’t matter how you’d agreed to it as a couple with careful consideration, it still weighed on him heavily.

Jungkook’s mouth curved up into a small smile, you could make out that much, settling his head on your pillow as he cosied up to you. “I hate going to sleep without cuddling you.” He whined, face in the crook of your neck.

“Same,” you agreed. Like you said: Withdrawals. You felt him kiss your skin and then began to pay attention to something else. “You really don’t know why your dick is hard?” His erection was still there, pressing into your thigh as he cuddled up to you.

“No,” he chuckled thickly. “It’s confused.”

You slipped onto your side, facing your boyfriend as you reached for his mouth. You kissed slowly, lazily, just enjoying the closeness more than anything, before a few pecks turned to something more. Of course it did. If his dick was hard you weren’t going turn it down. You pulled back just as Jungkook was about to slip in some tongue. “What time is it?”

“Gone two,” he replied immediately, before reminding you of something, his mouth back on yours. “It’s Sunday tomorrow.”

“Mm,” you hummed, tongue meeting his, arms wrapping around his shoulders to pull him over you.

Excitement real, he was breathing slightly heavy when he broke apart to ask you the obvious. “Do you...?” You nodded wildly, yanking him to you, hands travelling all over the expanse of his back. It had been a while since you’d last had sex, maybe close to two weeks, which for you both may as well have been a year. Not that you were annoyed. Like you said, Jungkook was exhausted because of work, mind too preoccupied. Sex was a great stress reliever though, so it was about time you tried it out…

However, not soon after, lamp on, Jungkook’s mouth on your neck, one of his hands up your t-shirt, cupping a boob, you suddenly remembered something, instantly panicking and pushing him away. “Giuseppe’s not in here, right?” You demanded, eyes wide.

“Huh?” He sounded, confused by the sudden change, needing a moment to make sense of the question. “Uh, no. No, he’s not.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure,” he chuckled, reaching for a kiss. “He didn’t follow me upstairs.”

Giuseppe was your pet dog. A long haired golden retriever that was already the height of your house despite not even being a year old. Jungkook loved him, treated him more like a brother than a pet, and of course he had named him. You’d just rolled with it. But there was one rule. The dog did not stay inside your bedroom when s-e-x was happening, and seeing as he had his own bed at the foot of yours, this was obviously a reoccurring thing.

“Okay?” Jungkook pressed, kissing your nose as he waited to continue.

“Okay,” you nodded, grinning up at him.

“Okay!” He sung cutely, jumping up to tear his boxers off.

Five minutes later there was some very eager fingering going on, Jungkook knelt between your legs as he stroked you to complete and utter pliancy, the sinful squelch filling the room. You were trying to return the favour, your fist wrapped around his cock, but your movements were sparse, too distracted by the pleasure coursing through your veins. “Jungkook,” you moaned against his lips, trying desperately to stay attached.

He groaned, straightening the fingers inside of you, going a little faster, loving how wet you were. “God, you sound so good.”

You moaned louder as his thumb circled your clit, hips jutting up. “Ohh—AHHH!” Your pleasure soon turned to surprise as you roared out, something heavy and large leaping onto your bed, attempting to bound all over you. “Oh, my god! Oh, my—Jungkook!” You exclaimed, sitting up immediately, his fingers slipping out of you. “You said he wasn’t in here!”

“I didn’t think he was!” He insisted, a hand cupping his junk as your dog practically jumped up and down in excitement. “Honest. I thought he was downstairs.”

You grumbled, moment well and truly over, but you weren’t giving up. You were having sex tonight. It may be nearly three in the morning, but you were getting laid. “Seppe, out,” you ordered, pointing to the door. “Out!” He didn’t listen. It was Jungkook that called the shots, he told you it was some type of “bond” they had. You called bullshit. “Jungkook, get him out.”

He instantly looked put out. “Babe, I’m ass naked.”

“I don’t care. If you want to have sex he needs to be out of here.”

“Fine,” he sighed, standing up, not bothering to cup his dick now – free and easy. Giuseppe instantly followed. “I swear if you didn’t make such a big deal about it he wouldn’t get so excited. He can sense these things.”

“Exactly!” You cried. “He can sense when we’re just about to do it.”

Reaching down to stroke him, Jungkook complained. “Giuseppe, you’re such a cock block.” The dog looked unbothered. Amazing. “Come on, boy. Let’s go.” And off he trotted, listening straight away to your “ass naked” boyfriend. He swung the door closed after him, looking your way with a satisfied grin. “There.”

You pulled a face. “Now I feel guilty.”

“Don’t change your mind,” he whined. “He can come back in once we’re done. He’s used to it.” Like you said, it had been a regular occurrence these past nine months. Jungkook made his way over to you, caging you under his body immediately. “Now where were we...”

This time there was no messing about with foreplay, your legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked you. Jungkook had already admitted he wouldn’t last long, unable to curb his excitement, so it was more needy and fast than skilled and indulgent. Not that you were complaining. This was the best type of sex in your opinion. Just sheer want for one another, nothing else. When he came inside you with a groan, you glowed. Felt alive.

“I really am sorry,” he murmured a few minutes later, still a little out of breath as he laid over you, stealing slow kisses.

You grinned, teasing him slightly. “It’s okay. I forgive you.” He chuckled and you ran your fingers through his hair, admiring him fondly. “I love you.”

“I love you more.” He sang.

You wrinkled your nose, pushing your head back into the pillow. “Don’t.” You hated when he made it a competition.

Amused, he laughed, rolling onto his back beside you, folding his hands behind his head to look up at the ceiling. You turned onto your side, propping yourself up with your elbow so you could see him properly. He looked really worn out. Not particularly tired from lack of sleep tonight, but just exhausted in general. His eyes weren’t twinkling. You hated seeing him like this. “You sure you’re okay?” You asked, needing to make sure. At least he had some time off tomorrow.

“Mm,” he nodded, looking your way. He gave you a small smile. “You know what I’m like. I need to learn to talk more about my feelings more.”

You agreed with that. You knew him too well to prod when he wasn’t ready. This was the most you’d gotten out of him for weeks. “Well, you know where I am when you’ve learnt,” you chuckled.

He laughed back. “On it. It’s probably better than bottling it all up and exploding over shitty steak.”

“Definitely better,” you agreed. “But let’s not buy that kind again. My man deserves meat not fat.” That just made him laugh harder. You loved that sound. Kissing him on the cheek, you knelt up. “Okay, I need to pee.” And you both needed to actually sleep tonight.

“Can you have one for me while you’re there?” Jungkook joked.

“Sure thing,” you nodded, up and already walking towards the door.

You opened it and before you knew what was happening, Giuseppe had bolted in, jumping up on the bed. You heard Jungkook yell and yanked your head to see him balled up, hands protecting his crotch.

“FUCK!” He cursed, twisting around in agony. “My balls! Damn dog trampled my balls.”

You definitely shouldn’t laugh. Not at all. However the visual of Jungkook writhing around ass naked on the bed with the dog bouncing around and barking in excitement, totally oblivious to the pain he’d just caused, was enough to break you. So much for that bond they had…

“Giuseppe, bad boy,” you scolded playfully. “Daddy needs those.”

Written 2020. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2020

#they're back :"))#jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #bts smut #bts fanfic #floralseokjin:writings #fic:flll

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dinosaurtsukki · 4 years ago

Text

the language of flowers | an akaashi x gn!reader fic

hey dino!! could i request a short fluffy fic about someone having a crush on akaashi and works part time in a flower shop? they start leaving him flowers with meanings behind them and a letter anonymously on his desk in school. eventually, they get caught and confesses to him?? im a sucker for flower shop aus and i'd love to see what kind of flowers you would use!! ٩(●˙▿˙●)۶…⋆ฺ -🍙

-- ahhh this request was so fun to write !! i planned it a while ago and just wrote it all down in one sitting hehe. i hope you like this !!

pairing: akaashi keiji x gn!reader

word count: 2k words

contains: fluff !!, lots of flowers and their meanings, hints at a mystery novel night, high school au

summary: akaashi keiji has been receiving flowers from a ‘mystery florist’ (aka, you) for quite a whole. except, he might be crushing on someone else.

a/n: requested by the amazing onigiri-anon !! i really wanted this to be more of a full-length fic because of how cute it is so i hope you guys enjoy it !!

the first flowers akaashi had received from you were twin alstroemerias: one in orange and one in white. he actually had no idea what the flowers’ names were because he had never seen any quite like it. both of the flowers had three main petals and three smaller petals closer to the center that had dark little stripes on them. the white one had a slight touches of pink and yellow in the very center.

akaashi saw the two flowers, wrapped in a pink satin ribbon, on his desk one day after class had ended. it was a few days after finals had ended and he was still feeling bitter loss that hit the volleyball team. but, the sight of the flowers: bright and fresh and sunny, put a little smile on his face.

when he was at home, he decided to look up what the flowers were. it took a great deal of searching through ‘flower pictures’ on google images for him to actually find the name: alstroemeria, also known as peruvian lily. and, because he was curious as to why there would be flowers on his desk, he looked up whether there was a meaning behind the flower.

white alstroemerias meant ‘concern for a loved one who isn’t feeling well’ and orange ones were ‘working towards ones goals.’ akaashi smiled and placed the flowers in a jar full of water on his desk. he didn’t know who it was, but there was someone out there looking out for him.

...

“afternoon, akaashi.”

“afternoon, y/n,” akaashi greeted, sitting down on the table next to you. as usual, you were the first two people in the clubroom. that was mostly because your other members of the literature club were freshmen who volunteered for a ton of other clubs but akaashi didn’t exactly mind. he liked your company.

“another gerbera?” you asked, pointing at the flower in his hand.

“yeah,” akaashi smiled. “it was on my desk this morning.” he had already looked up what the meaning behind that flower after he got it for the first time and saw that it meant ‘cheer up.’ “it came at pretty nice timing too,” he added. it was a pretty stressful week for akaashi with cram school every day and having to study for entrance exams. the flowers were always tied with a pink, satin ribbon.

“are you still on the lookout for who your mystery florist is?” you teased, looking up over the book you were reading.

“i still haven’t stopped my search,” akaashi said, lightly running his hands through the silky flower petals. “well, i do kind of like that they’re this mystery person. i never thought that receiving flowers would be this, well, nice.”

“good for you,” you smiled and returned to your book, sneaking glances once in a while at akaashi as he admired the flower. unbeknownst to him, you were the mystery florist who had been crushing on akaashi ever since freshman year. it had started out as a way to cheer him up a bit after fukurodani wasn’t able to enter nationals. the day after you left the alstroemerias on his desk, akaashi had entered the clubroom with a smile on his face, talking about how someone was nice and enough to give him flowers.

and from then on, you decided to leave him flowers whenever you knew he was feeling down. most of them were gerberas, since there were always one or two left over at the flowershop you worked part-time at. but sometimes, you carefully sneaked out one of the fresh white poppies from the new flower deliveries. akaashi wasn’t really the type to celebrate things like perfect test scores or successful practice matches so you liked sending him a white poppy once in a while to remind him to be happy for himself.

the sight of akaashi walking into the clubroom with a slight sparkle in his eye, a spring in his step, and a fresh flower in his hand became one of your favorite things. and even though you could never convince yourself to actually confess to him, just seeing that was more than enough.

...

‘oh, another flower,’ akaashi smiled as he saw one on his desk as soon as he entered the classroom. it had been a good few weeks since he last received another flower and even though he knew his mystery florist shouldn’t really be obligated to give him flowers in the first place, akaashi still missed seeing fresh blooms on the makeshift jar on his desk.

as he neared his desk though, he found that the flower wasn’t the usual gerbera or white poppy, or even the alstroemerias that he first received. its petals were white and it looked a bit like a rose, except that its petals were a bit bigger and the scent was a bit sweeter.

‘i wonder what this is,’ akaashi thought, pulling up his phone and once again looking through flower pictures. this one was a bit easier to find. the flower was a gardenia: secret love.

...

you were practically holding your breath ever since you left the flower on akaashi’s desk. for the past few months, you’ve been playing it safe with the flowers you were giving akaashi. but earlier that day, while you were opening up the shop, a fresh batch of gardenias was delivered which gave you a crazy idea. akaashi would surely find out what it meant and your heart was hammering in your chest.

“a-akaashi!” you practically squeaked in surprise as soon as he entered the clubroom. the gardenia was in his hand and you felt your face heat up. “another flower, huh? this one looks different from the rest.”

“yeah, it’s a gardenia,” akaashi said, sitting down next to you. unlike before, you couldn’t quite read the expression on his face and that made you even more nervous.

“did you look up what it means?” you asked.

“’secret love’, apparently,” akaashi glanced up at you. “i guess, these have been coming from a secret admirer all this time.”

“aww, that’s so sweet! i wish i had one who’d send me flowers,” you laughed nervously.

“yeah, well the thing is, i wouldn’t know how to tell them,” akaashi sighed.

“tell them what?”

“that i like someone else.”

and with that, you felt your hopes deflate. akaashi already liked someone else. ‘probably one of the pretty ones in class,’ you thought sadly.

“well, i’m sure they’ll understand,” you said in a small voice before returning to the book you were reading. unbeknownst to you, akaashi there was a hint of longing in the way akaashi glanced at you from the corner of his eye.

...

akaashi had a crush on you ever since freshman year, when the two of you met in the literature club. he had already signed up for the volleyball club but since he knew he’d be able to balance things well, he decided to sign up for another club of interest. on your first day as club members, akaashi recalled you intensively defending fanfiction as subversive literature and making very impressive points for that matter. he knew you weren’t very outspoken and you tended to be quite shy around your seniors, but you always spoke up when you felt you needed to.

being in the literature club was even more fun with you around. you were the one who gave the idea of a ‘mystery novel dinner’ event for the cultural festival where you invited other students and pretended to be guests in a house solving a murder. akaashi had pretended to be the well-meaning, intelligent detective while you were lady of the house who mourned the death of her husband while actually being the real killer. the event was a success and akaashi fondly remembered how you were consistently in-character, even when akaashi was apprehending you after he solved the mystery.

when he entered the clubroom the next day, wondering just how he was going to tell his mystery florist that he couldn’t reciprocate their feelings, he walked in to find that you weren’t there.

“oh, akaashi-san,” one of your juniors who was there instead, greeted him.

“y/n isn’t here yet?” he asked.

“oh, well they came here and just left their bag. i think they were trying to buy snacks before the cafeteria closed,” they answered, pointing at your bag that was in your usual seating place.

“thanks,” akaashi nodded his thanks at them and sat down at his usual spot. your bag was zipped completely open, one of your usual habits, and its contents were fully visible. akaashi spotted more than a few books, one of them in particular catching his eye.

“’the language of flowers,’“ he read aloud.

“oh, i think that’s the one from our collection,” his junior said. “y/n has been reading it for a while. i think it’s because of the new job they got.”

“new job?” akaashi asked.

“yeah, at the flower shop,” his junior nodded.

akaashi blinked at the book for a few seconds before standing up. “i’ll be back in a bit,” he said, leaving the clubroom. as quickly as he could, he walked back to his classroom and peeked into the small glass window.

and just as he suspected. there you were, standing by his desk, placing a pink rose on top of it.

...

“thank you for coming,” you bowed as the customers left the shop. as soon as they were gone, you let out a sigh as you surveyed the mess of leaves, stems, and leftover wrapping paper on your workstation. a man had just come by asking for one of the more extravagant bouquets to give to his wife and your fingers hurt a bit from the thorns on the rose stems. you had been dealing with roses all day, especially now that you they were your most recent deliveries since they were in season.

you had also given akaashi a rose. you knew they had very different meanings depending on the color, but the pink one that you gave him meant ‘trust, happiness, or confidence.’ you figured it was about time for you to stop sending him flowers, especially now knowing that he liked someone else, so you decided to go all out and leave him a pink rose.

you tried to focus on cleaning your workstation and leave all thoughts of akaashi out of your head when the shop bell suddenly rang as a customer came in.

“welcome to-- akaashi?” the sight of him made you stop in your tracks. in his hand, he was holding the pink rose you gave him earlier. you watched as his eyes glanced from the bin of fresh roses on your worktable, to the pink satin ribbon your ribbons case, and you knew he had just put two and two together.

“you’re the mystery florist,” akaashi said, stepping closer to where you were.

“i am,” you sighed, knowing there was nowhere for you to run. “but if you want, i’ll stop sending the flowers. that’s the last one.”

“why would i want that?” akaashi asked.

“because... because you like someone else,” you said softly.

“ah, but when i said i liked someone else back then, that could have meant anyone,” akaashi said, a smile playing on the corner of his lip. “it could even be... you.”

your eyes widened as you understood the meaning of what he had just said. “m-me...?”

“yeah.” now it was akaashi’s turn to feel shy. “i’ve... i’ve liked you for quite a while, y/n.”

“you have?” you could scarcely believe your ears. akaashi, the boy who you had crushed on for so long, liked you back.

“now, i guess it’s about time i be the one to give you flowers,” akaashi smiled, surveying the shop. “what do you suggest?”

you let out a giggle, feeling that rush of giddy joy at the knowledge that akaashi liked you back. you looked around all the flowers in the shop, so many meanings, so many ways to say ‘i love you.’

your eyes fell on the bin of roses at your workstation and remembered how the thorns hurt your hand. “well, at this point, anything except roses.”

taglist (still open to anyone who wants in!): @montys-chaos @miyumtwins @strawberriimilkshake @pocubo @sugawara-sweetheart @akaashisbabydoll @laure-chan @therainroguefanfiction @atetiffdoesart @stephdaninja @oikaw-ugh @charliefredb @dramaqueenweeb1469 @tremblinghearts @applepienation @doodleniella @haikyuu-my-love

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cowboyshit · 4 years ago

Text

Only for the Holidays

Ship: Adam “Hangman” Page and Ivy (OFC) Summary: Adam and Ivy cross paths at a mutual friend’s holiday party and hit it off, both admitting they’ve grown tired of constantly being asked about having a partner at the various holiday events they have to attend. They come to an agreement to pretend to date for the holidays to get their friends and family off their backs, but neither of them admit that they’ve had an attraction to each other from the beginning. Will these feelings come to a head? Or will the pair be able to stick to their original plan and only get through the holidays together? Rating: general/fluff the whole way through Length: 2,221 words part ONE of THREE

author’s note: this is my first entry for the @12daysofchristmas challenge hosted by viv! this fic is split into three parts, the other parts will be posted on other days during the challenge!

The warmth of the crackling, orange-red fire soaked beneath her bundled layers of clothes and heated the bare skin of her cheeks. She held her hands out to it and felt it soak into her palms and fingers until it was almost uncomfortable, pulling them back to rub them together. Her eyes darted over the tops of the flames, where little red sparks flew off into the night sky, distinguished quickly in the cold. All around the bonfire there were groups of friends gathered, drinking and laughing, their conversations rising and falling in volume.

“Hey Ivy, what are you doing by yourself over here?” Her friend, Mia, was frowning as she walked up next to her and held out a mug she’d brought over of something that was lightly steaming.

“I was just warming myself up by the fire,” Ivy said, feeling the heat of the liquid in the ceramic mug before she wrapped her fingers around it’s handle. “What’s this?”

“Homemade cider! Spiked with a bit of honey whiskey, of course.” Mia winked and then nodded toward the house quite a distance off where soft, yellow lights poured out of the windows. “There’s more in the house when you need a refill. Roger has been working on it all day and he’s very proud.” She rolled her eyes, but playfully, clearly amused by her husband’s party-host excitement.

Roger and Mia hosted a winter bonfire for all their friends when the temperature dropped enough to comfortably host. There was always good food, good drinks, good company, and…

“Stop standing by yourself! Roger invited a lot of his friends through work,” Mia leaned in, lifting her dark brows, “Cute, single friends.”

There it was. Every single year Mia tried to use it as an opportunity to hook Ivy up, too.

“That’s nice, Mia, but I’m not interested. Remember?”

“Yes, yes, you’ve had a string of bad dates the past two years that’ve dramatically turned you away from love forever.” This time when Mia rolled her eyes it seemed far more pointed.

“That’s not the only reason,” Ivy felt herself getting defensive, but carried on, “I also need to focus on my career, and I do just fine on my own. Honestly, Mia, I get it. You and Roger are great together and I see how happy he makes you and you make him, but I promise you my life isn’t lacking anything because I don’t have anyone.”

Mia frowned and shook her head. “Alright, alright, that’s a fair point. Still…” she raised her brows and seemed to fight a smile, “There’s some really cute single guys here. I’m not saying you need to fall in love and get married or anything... But what’s wrong with a little bit of companionship?” She winked, just as Roger beckoned her from the house. “I better go see what he needs. Mingle! I mean it! This is a party!”

Ivy laughed, promising to find someone to talk to as Mia walked off. Alone again, she glanced over the different sized gatherings of people to figure out where she could seamlessly slide into a conversation. There were a few familiar faces and enough for her to find somewhere to go or someone to talk to. But it was the man she’d never seen, standing off by himself much like she’d been, with the colorful pearl snap tucked into a tight pair of Wranglers, a decent-sized buckle catching the reflection of the flames of the bonfire, and blond hair loose in fluffy curls around his face that caught her attention.

Okay, so there were definitely some cute guys here.

***

“Did you choose to outcast yourself, or were you just enjoying the fire and I’m being a presumptuous jerk by assuming you’re all alone?”

Adam looked over at the woman who’d walked up to him just then and gave a half-grin. “Ah- you caught me, but don’t tell anyone. I don’t really know many people here, just Roger.” He pointed the tip of his beer bottle toward the house where he’d last seen his friend. “I was trying to figure out how to get naturally into a conversation with these strangers or wait until Roger came back out here to tag around with him.”

“Your secret’s safe with me. I’ll tell anyone who asks that you were enjoying the bonfire and minding your own business and not at all an outcast.”

“That’s very kind of you,” he said with a chuckle. She was cute, and witty. Adam prided himself on being fairly charming in most conversations, and always quick with something to make people laugh. But this girl was tripping him up, he felt like he was a step too slow with her and he wasn’t sure what he was more of: excited or nervous?

“How do you know Roger?” She asked.

“I used one of his horses for work.”

“Oh! You work in the film industry?”

“Kind of,” he gave a small grin and shrugged. “I’m on t.v.” It still felt weird to say it, even a year later.

“Let me guess,” she said, narrowing her eyes in thought as she tilted her head and looked up at him. He couldn’t help but notice the way the orange-glow of the nearby fire looked pretty in her eyes. “You’re definitely one of the stars of whatever show it is.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Just a hunch.” When she smiled, there seemed a bit of extra brightness in her eyes. A little bit of mischief. She lifted her cup to her lips to take a drink of whatever she had in her hands, and Adam found himself momentarily distracted by the shape of her lips.

“Well, I guess you’re sort of right.” Though he certainly felt a pang of nervousness at referring to himself as a star. “I am on there pretty frequently.”

“I knew it!” She grinned. “What’s it about?”

The hand not holding his beer reached to rub at the back of his neck as he grinned. “I’m a professional wrestler?”

“No way!” She seemed delighted.

“Yeah,” he said, putting his hand back to comfortably rest his thumb on his belt.

“Wait… Why on earth did you need a horse as a wrestler?”

It was Adam’s turn to laugh. “I have this whole cowboy persona, so we just thought it would be cool for me to ride a horse.”

“Ahhh, I guess that explains the wranglers and the pearl snap,” she gestured at his front.

“Well, hey now, just because I have a cowboy persona for wrestling doesn’t mean I’m not a cowboy myself.”

“Are you?”

“Kind of?”

They looked at one another and she grinned.

“I grew up on a tobacco farm, we had cattle, horses. The whole thing.”

“So you’re a cowboy who wrestles.”

“Yep,” he said, and was happy to see another smile on her face. “And you?” He had fallen comfortably into their conversation, and hadn’t even noticed Roger was already back around the bonfire, mingling with the other attendants. Adam was too distracted by her.

“I am not a cowboy who wrestles,” she pointed out playfully, and at the roll of his eyes, laughed. “What I do is not nearly that exciting. I’m an editor at a publishing firm.”

“Hey, that’s pretty cool!” He encouraged.

“Not as cool as being a professional wrestling cowboy on T.V.”

“Okay, maybe you got me on that one. My job is pretty cool.” He lifted the beer to his lips to take another swig. “But you get to read stories like they’re plain river rocks and polish them up so they look as pretty as a gemstone, and I know that’s no easy job to do. We do a lot of that where I work. Kind of. We come up with our stories and everyone kind of helps refine them to make them something great by the end of it. I could only imagine what it must be like to read other people’s work and have the talent to go in and make it great.”

“Thank you…” her voice trailed off as she looked at him almost curiously, and Adam worried he’d said something wrong. His brows dipped in together as he watched her. “Sorry,” she said when she noticed him frowning, “it’s just that no one has ever really cared that much about what I do. Or at least, not really understood it. They normally go with a traditional nod of their head and a polite compliment before they change the subject.”

“Well, maybe you haven’t been telling the right people.”

“Maybe,” she said, her smile growing. “Honestly, this whole conversation is refreshing. I’m used to dodging people not caring about my job and jumping right into asking me about my relationships. It’s like everyone assumes my life isn’t complete without a partner in it. Every single conversation always leads back to that.”

Adam laughed and nodded in agreement. “Oh, I know. Almost all of my friends are happily settled down, and they all like to worry about me, so every time there’s some big event where everyone’s got their partner and I’m standing off with my beer they start to bug me about not finding a girl yet.” He shook his head and took another swallow of beer, then realized it was the last drink in the bottle. He licked the remnants off his lips and sighed. “Don’t even get me started on my mama.”

“Don’t get me started on mine!” She retorted. “Come on, let’s get you a refill.” They fell easily in step together, and as they left the warmth of the big, crackling bonfire he found himself moving a little bit closer to her in step, as if to block away some of the chill on the path to the house. There was an ice chest filled with beer back at the bonfire, but Adam didn’t want to question her as she led him away from it.

“My mom has been pressuring me about settling down and having kids for years now,” she continued as they walked up the back porch steps and into the cozy (and quiet) house. “Sometimes I wonder if she even knows what I do for work, because it sure doesn’t seem like she cares.” She stopped in front of a large crock pot with its light on to signal it was keeping whatever was inside warm.

“You know what really sucks?” She asked as she gave him a look, to which Adam widened his eyes a little and shook his head. She was ramped up on a rant, and he was happy to stand aside and let her work through those frustrations.

As she took the ladle and poured rich, amber liquid into a new cup and then added more to hers to refill what she’d drank, she sighed. “I’m possibly up for a promotion soon. A big one. I want to tell everyone, but I already know the next words that are going to follow are going to be about if I’m dating.”

“Congratulations,” he offered a little gently, and found he didn’t like the way dejection looked across her face. “They really wouldn’t care about you getting promoted?”

“I mean, they’d congratulate me and say it’s nice and they’re proud, but I already know unless I have someone, they’re still going to see me as…” she frowned as she tilted a bottle of honey whiskey to spike the drink, “Incomplete.” The golden liquid splashed inside before she set the bottle down and then handed him the cup. “Enough of my woe-is-me stupidity. Here, no more beer tonight. You’re at a bonafide bonfire, and that means you’re going to get really into the traditions and drink some homemade, spiked apple cider.”

“Yes ma’am.” He grinned as she pressed the warm cup into his palm, but he was thinking. As she turned to walk around him, intending to head back out the door with her cup in hand, he spoke up.

“Hey, wait a second.”

She looked back at him and he wondered why his heart was suddenly beating so fast.

“I know this is cliché and a little dumb, but I don’t like people poking into my personal business, even my friends, and I don’t like those looks they give me when they’ve got their arms wrapped around their loved ones and I’m alone. If you had someone, it’d stop all those questions about your relationship, right? What if we just pretended to date? Just to get through all these holiday parties.”

“This sounds like a set-up to one of those cheesy, Hallmark Christmas movies.”

“I promise not to fall in love with you if you promise not to fall in love with me.” He teased, and was happily rewarded with her smiling. To hide how much he liked seeing it, Adam lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip of the drink she’d made him. It tasted just like winter traditions, warm apples, cinnamon, and a sweet hint and burn of honey whiskey.

“Oh, what the hell,” she shrugged after seeming to contemplate it for a moment, “If it means I have one Christmas season where everyone isn’t up my ass about finding someone, I’m in.”

“Alright,” he grinned and held out his hand. “Shake on it?”

She slipped her hand into his, and he tried not to pay any mind to how much he liked feeling the contact. He told himself he had no ulterior motives and that this was simply to get everyone off his back, and everyone off of hers. Plus, she was nice and easy to talk to, he wouldn’t mind having her company at the holiday party.

“I promise not to fall in love with you while we fake date through the holidays to get all of our loving but annoying friends and family off our back.” She declared, and they shook on it as he chuckled, then raised his cup.

“Cheers, I’ll drink to that.”

Adam and Ivy will return on December 19th - Holiday Party!

#fanfiction #aew fanfiction #hangman adam page fanfiction #hangman adam page #adam page #hangman page #adam page fanfiction #mine: fanfiction #my fics: hangman adam page #12daysofchristmas

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taelme · 5 years ago

Text

Don’t Need Your Love Club - Recruiting Now! (Welcome, Na Jaemin!)

genre: high school!au, community service club president!jaemin (LMAO) (fluff, mild angst w a happy ending!!)

pairing/s: Jaemin / Reader (ft majority of nct dream, nct Doyoung, Astro Sanha and Stray Kids Seungmin and Hyunjin!)

word count: 16k+

tw: none! mild tension between Jaemin and his parents

a/n: happy valentines day~~~ happy Jaehyun day~~~~ ❤️❤️❤️❤️ hope you enjoy this! Donghyuck’s chapter will be coming soon so please look forward to it!

"Y/N," your friend called over her shoulder, "what do you think? Chocolates or balloons?" she asked you.

“Huh?”

Your lips parted in confusion, though you realised what she said quickly, shrugging in response to her question.

“I don’t know,” you hummed.

You glanced at the display of items nearest to you, eyeing the pretty roses laid out on the table.

"I like the flowers," you offered, a hint of teasing in your tone, knowing very well her boyfriend didn’t like flowers.

You heard your friend tut her tongue at you. "For my boyfriend, not you," she told you, making you giggle, making you shoot her a patronising look, dodging when she tried to swat at your shoulder.

“I don’t know why he doesn’t like flowers, he’s pretty convinced they attract bees no matter how much I try to convince him,” she elaborated, making you wince.

“I hate bees, though. I get what he means,” you pulled your lips into a frown, almost eliciting a giggle from Jaemin, who had to turn his head away and cover his mouth in an attempt to stifle his endearment.

“Just—” She groaned. “—help me pick between the chocolates or balloons,” your friend shook her head, directing your attention back to the topic at hand.

You hummed in thought, oblivious to the way Jaemin was listening in on your conversation as he pretended to arrange the chocolate boxes next to the roses, catching your attention.

"Chocolates," you muttered, letting your gaze wander down the set-up of the booth, noticing the pretty posters and banners they'd pasted up.

"Wow, whoever designed the banners this year should get a pay raise..." you commented, inspecting the banner but feeling like there was something off with the spelling.

"Right? I thought so too,” your friend murmured, though you didn't know whether she was referring to the chocolates or the banners. Turning to Jaemin, she gestured towards the boxes of chocolates.

"Can I get one box of that, please?"

You looked up at who she was talking to, recognizing him to be Na Jaemin, your senior who you'd first seen during the club fair in your school, looking away immediately because you weren't used to seeing him so up-close, not realizing what a nice smile he had until now.

Noticing your distress, your friend eyed you suspiciously, deciding she would put her suspicions to the test.

"Are you getting anything for anyone?" she turned to you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as she had successfully directed Jaemin's attention towards you, making you shake your head vigorously.

"Nope," you replied, shifting your weight on your feet, “don’t give me that look...it’s just that, you know, my Valentine's day this year's looking pretty.....uneventful," you huffed with a nervous laugh, making Jaemin frown.

Though he was well aware that the custom he was used to was that Valentine's day was for girls to give guys gifts, he figured a little 'chivalry' as Jaemin liked to put it, may just be the right thing for this situation. Before he lost the sudden surge of confidence, Jaemin recalled what you'd mentioned about liking the flowers.

Packing the box of chocolates into a bag for your friend, Jaemin swiftly handed her the bag along with her change, and you were about to leave when you saw a flash of red almost being shoved against your face.

"Here," you heard his voice.

You leant back, staring at the rose in front of you in surprise, your gaze flickering between the rose and Jaemin who was holding it out for you.

“From me. Happy Valentine's day." Jaemin tilted his head at you ever so slightly, giving you a small close-lipped smile.

You weren't sure whether your mind was registering your movements when you took the flower from him gently, a short silence falling between the both of you (well, and your friend too).

Jaemin opened his mouth to speak again, “What's your na—”

"Y/N!" your head snapped around when you heard the unmistakeable voice of that menace sound in the school's foyer, Jaemin’s question going unnoticed.

"Your 'church brother' is here..." your friend trailed off and you felt a weight on your shoulder, turning to spot Donghyuck next to you, hand pressing down on your shoulder harshly.

Jaemin's eyes widened at the sight of his friend, narrowing his eyes at Donghyuck, "Yo...Lee Donghyuck," he called in a slightly louder voice, making Donghyuck's head snap around to face him quickly.

"Ohh! Right, I forgot you’d be here. You two haven't been introduced yet, right?" Donghyuck gestured between you and Jaemin, earning a shake of the head from Jaemin.

"Well I was about to before you came out of nowhere," Jaemin muttered bitterly, going ignored by Donghyuck, who fiddled with his tie with one hand, gesturing back to you with his other hand.

"Jaemin, this is Y/N, a family friend of mine. Y/N, this is Jaemin." Donghyuck let go of his tie quickly, bringing his hands to yours and Jaemin's wrists, forcefully pulling your hands closer.

"C'mon. Shake hands, make friends," he told the both of you in a tone that fearfully resembled the way he spoke to his pet turtles (whether they were still alive or not, Jaemin was scared to find out).

You hesitated only momentarily, but tensed when you felt Jaemin close the gap and grasp your hand in his, dismissing all those knowledge from etiquette classes and his parents on a firm handshake, choosing to simply squeeze your hand reassuringly before letting go.

Donghyuck, looking satisfied, had let his gaze fall on the rose in your hands, a confused sound falling from his lips.

"Who'd you get this for?" he frowned, and you'd looked at Jaemin in panic, unsure whether you should tell Donghyuck you weren't getting it for anyone.

Looking at Donghyuck with wide eyes, you pointed a finger at Jaemin, making Donghyuck mirror your expression.

"You got it for him?!"

Donghyuck's tone rose, unmistakably about to kick up a fuss since he knew Jaemin’s horrible track record when it came to professions of love from girls in school, but Jaemin intervened before he could do so.

"I gave it to her," Jaemin blurted, looking elsewhere once Donghyuck had directed his wide eyes towards Jaemin.

Narrowing his eyes at the both of them, a realization struck Donghyuck, making him nod slowly, casting a knowing look at your friend.

"Oh....interesting....I'll uh....good for you, bro” Donghyuck shrugged, pulling your friend aside under the pretence of heading to class first so you and Jaemin would be able to have some time alone together.

You glanced nervously between Jaemin and the other members at the booth, seeing him smooth down the sides of his hair, shaking his head to adjust his hair, his slightly curly hair bouncing with the movement.

"So uh....you're a first year, right?" you heard Jaemin clear his throat, his voice coming out a lot more confidently than you'd expected.

Not trusting the pitch of your voice, you nodded in response, seeing his lips curve into a smile, showing off his (very straight) teeth, his head tilting slightly as he looked at you curiously.

"That's cool," he smiled, the conversation falling silent between the both of you before Jaemin spoke up again, wanting to continue your conversation in the hopes of finding out more about you, "are you in any clubs?"

You shook your head, "I put my name down for a few but they're mostly event-based ‘cause I was scared I wouldn't be able to like...cope and stuff," you explained, twirling your rose between your fingers.

"Ahhh...I get it," he hummed, sounding fairly empathetic, though he knew his choices were rather different, seeing as he was used to biting off more than he could chew when it came to commitments.

Jaemin's gaze flickered to your hands, and you wondered why he was glaring so intently at your rose, almost jumping in shock when he'd held a hand out.

"Sorry, can you hand me the rose for a minute?"

You frowned, your panic making you react with a joke.

"You're taking it back?" you asked, handing him the rose anyway.

Jaemin simply gave you a soft smile, shaking his head and turning away from you. You watched as he picked up a pair of cutters, clipping off a thorn on the stem that you were surprised you hadn't cut yourself with from how much you were twirling it.

"There, all better," he smiled, handing the rose back to you.

"Oh.....thanks," you felt your cheeks heat up, "I better uh...head back to class and shit—I mean. Yes. Bye," you waved quickly, not waiting for him to respond before you walked off.

===

That same day, Jaemin had met Jeno on his way back from school, said boy looking very tired after playing for ungodly hours at the computer cafe.

"Do you have dinner at home?" Jeno asked Jaemin, nudging the frame of his glasses up his nose bridge, shaking his head slightly to get his hair away from his eyes.

Jaemin shot Jeno a knowing look, narrowing his eyes at Jeno, “you told your mom you were staying over today again, didn't you?"

Jeno scoffed, “I didn’t—” Jeno sucked in a breath, “okay, maybe I did, but hey, are you trying to fault me for wanting to spend time with you?” Jeno raised his eyebrows, challenging Jaemin.

Jeno relaxed when he saw the way Jaemin broke into a grin, shaking his head good-naturedly at his friend.

“It’s fine, my mom’s been asking me to invite you for dinner anyway,” Jaemin sighed, tucking his thumbs behind the straps of his bag, looking up and letting out another sigh when he saw the way the sun was setting, the sky beginning to get darker.

Jaemin directed his gaze away from the sky, glancing at Jeno.

“So, we haven’t had a good time to chat in a while,” he began.

Jeno snickered at the unnatural wording Jaemin used, making Jaemin tut his tongue in annoyance at Jeno.

“As I was saying, how have things been for you?”

Jeno’s lips pursed, looking as though he were contemplating as he spun his phone in his hand like it was a fidget spinner, letting out a small sigh and shrugging, “I don’t know, I guess I met this girl at the computer cafe the other day when Chenle bailed on me,” he started, ignoring the smirk that Jaemin was giving him.

“You ‘guess’ you met her?” Jaemin laughed, raising his hands in defence when Jeno gave him an exaggerated glare, “okay, sorry. Please, continue.”

“At first I was just looking to kill boredom so I just invited her to play a game of battleground with me since she looked pretty bored too, but then after that she just- okay. Long story short, she played a lot better than I thought she would.”

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised, pressing his lips together in a poor attempt to conceal his amusement, “mmhmm,” Jaemin prompted Jeno to continue.

“‘Mmhmm’ what? That’s it, that’s all that happened,” Jeno responded defensively, making Jaemin roll his eyes.

“You wouldn’t be telling me about her if you didn’t have more to say, Jeno. You can’t fool me, idiot.”

Jeno inhaled, letting out a tired sigh, eyes lighting up when he saw Jaemin’s house in sight, “I can’t wait to eat your mom’s food again,” Jeno frowned, rubbing his stomach.

“Don’t dodge the question. Spill,” Jaemin’s tone was firm, making Jeno slump his shoulders in resignation.

“I don’t know, I guess it bothered me? That I just kept thinking about her? Like, I wanted to know more about her, you know what I mean?” Jeno looked at Jaemin for affirmation.

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised, a thoughtful pout on his lips. His lips soon curving into a knowing smirk.

“So you were attracted to her, basically,” he commented dryly, making Jeno tut his tongue at him.

“You make me sound so stupid,” Jeno sighed, their pace quickening as they walked down Jaemin’s driveway, Jaemin already fishing out his keys from his bag to unlock the door.

“Am I wrong?” Jaemin scrunched his nose up in amusement, a groan of pain leaving his lips when Jeno smacked him across the arm. “Is she from our school?”

Jeno hummed in affirmation. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen her before. She’s friends with Yoon Sanha and Seungmin.”

“Oh, Seungmin’s friend! Yeah, I think I know who you’re talking about,” Jaemin nodded, recalling seeing Seungmin with this said girl-space-friend before in school.

Opening the door (with his good arm), Jaemin caught a whiff of his mom’s cooking when he stepped into the threshold.

“Jaemin, honey, you’re back? Come, let’s eat,” he heard his mother call.

“Hi, Aunty!” Jeno called out loudly, tossing his bag aside next to the sofa and entering the kitchen, sounds of Jaemin’s mother cooing over Jeno echoing to where Jaemin stood in the living room, taking his time to put down his things.

Checking his phone for notifications, he let his bag drop off his shoulder as he scanned through the messages from the teacher in charge of the Community Service Club and the group chat, talking about upcoming preparations or proposals they were waiting for Jaemin to send to them.

“Home from school so early?” Jaemin heard his dad’s voice.

“Huh?” Looking up from his phone, Jaemin made eye contact with his father who was standing near the entrance of the kitchen, waving Jaemin over.

“Put your bag down, let’s eat,” he told Jaemin, who obediently did so, following wordlessly behind his dad into the kitchen. He wasn’t surprised to see that Jeno was already seated opposite his mother.

“How’s school, baby?” His mother asked, “Jeno told me your overseas trip is coming soon.”

Nodding in response, Jaemin swallowed his mouthful of food.

“Yeah,” he answered, hearing his dad chime in with a sound of approval.

“You’re signing up, right? I’m sure you don’t need me to remind you that you need all those specs to look good on your school applications,” he said matter-of-factly.

Jeno scrunched his nose up in distaste, bowing his head in the hopes that Jaemin’s father wouldn’t notice his dissatisfaction with where the conversation seemed to be heading.

“Is it really a must for you to go?” Jaemin’s mother cut in, making him raise his eyebrows in question.

“It’s....a volunteer trip......” Jaemin murmured, spooning his last spoonful of food into his mouth, already feeling full.

“Yeah, I know, honey. But why do you want to do all these things, isn’t it tiring? I’m sure if you just donate the money they can get people to do it, right? Why don’t you ask your teacher for other alternatives that won’t be so physically taxing?”

Jaemin’s father shrugged, “True. All these people want is the money at the end of the day.”

Jeno winced, knowing this was a particularly sensitive topic for Jaemin, looking at his friend furtively to gauge his reaction, a wave of concern washing over him when he saw the way Jaemin scoffed slightly, his fists clenching around his cutlery, directing a very harsh stare to the salt and pepper shakers at the centre of the table.

“That’s not true....these people deserve help, and I’d be happy to be the one to help them.” Jaemin muttered, trying to calm himself down so as not to act out rudely to his parents (as much as he wasn’t agreeing with what they were saying now).

“Jae, it’s great that you have this perspective of it but...you know it’s just an excuse for your school to show that they care about the community…right?” His father laughed, picking up his glass of wine and bringing it to his lips.

“Is that such a bad thing? That I’m offering help to people that need it more than me?” Jaemin tilted his head, letting go of his cutlery, a soft thud sounding from the metal hitting the placemat. Jeno watched with wide eyes as Jaemin’s mother picked up the rest of the meat on the serving plate, placing it on Jaemin’s plate.

“Here, eat some more. I don’t want to keep the leftovers.”

Jaemin wanted to tell her off, to ask her to just throw it away like she always does, but in his anger thinking about the wastefulness of the action, he jabbed at the meat with his knife, bringing it to his mouth and eating it despite how full he was, Jeno’s gaze at Jaemin’s plate as pitiful as it could get.

Standing up abruptly, Jaemin spoke over the last bits of food in his mouth, desperate to leave the kitchen, “I’m done with my food. Thank you for the meal,” he murmured, storming off upstairs after grabbing both his and Jeno’s bags from the living room.

Jeno sighed, bowing slightly as he thanked Jaemin’s parents for the meal, walking upstairs after Jaemin, seeing his bedroom door ajar when he reached the top of the stairs. Jeno shrugged off his jacket, hanging it on the back of Jaemin’s desk chair, watching as Jaemin rummaged loudly through his cupboard, pulling out the spare set of clothes and underwear Jeno kept here for the days he stayed over.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Jeno heard Jaemin say from behind the door of his closet, soon seeing his head of (very dishevelled) hair when he shut the door, handing Jeno his clothes.

Jeno shook his head, knowing that it was common, it not having been the first time he witnessed- or heard -Jaemin’s parents views on Jaemin’s schooling situation.

“Don’t worry about it, man. Just go take a shower, cool down. We can talk about it later if you want, alright?” Jeno looked at Jaemin whose eyes began to gloss over, and Jeno swore he saw Jaemin’s lips quiver slightly.

Jaemin nodded, thankful that at times like this he still had Jeno to keep him sane. Nodding wordlessly, he left to shower, hoping the time alone would let him calm down like it usually did.

===

You'd failed to spot Jaemin around in school much after Valentine's Day, and even now as you walked into the mass hall for morning flag raising, you couldn't help but search for him among the crowd of 2nd Years, but obviously not finding him.

Taking your seat next to your friend, you went with the normal proceedings, practically ready to leave the hall after the announcements sounded as if they were about to end, until your friend had tapped your thigh rapidly.

"Dude, dude look who's on the stage," she told you hurriedly, excitement laced in her tone.

Frowning, you lifted your head only to see Jaemin standing at the podium. Microphone and cue cards grasped in one hand as the other adjusted his collar.

"Good morning, teachers and students. My name is Na Jaemin, a member of the Community Service club." he began, and you saw powerpoint slides being flashed on the screen hanging next to him.

"I’ll try to keep this short but I'm up here today to talk about the upcoming overseas community service trip that the school will be having." You watched as the screen showed a video titled 'CSP-2018'.

Glancing at the screen, Jaemin smiled, "here's a video to let you know more about the purpose of the trip as well as the types of activities we do on the trip. Since this is a cultural experience trip as well, there will be various activities planned for students to incorporate both work and play in the trip,“ he said, nodding to signal to the people in the control room.

Watching the video, you noticed how Jaemin had gone for the trip last year as well, seeing many shots showing him playing with the children from the orphanage or showing them building a room for the children. A part of you felt strangely touched by the video, appreciating the effort they put into bringing a positive impact to the lives of the people there, making you feel more spurred on to sign-up for the trip.

"Are you gonna go?" your friend nudged you, gesturing to the video.

You nodded, ”I mean...I want to but I gotta know the details first.."

The video had ended, and Jaemin had picked up the mic again, "This year's trip will be at the same location, and the dates of the trip can be found on the screen," he stated, “sign- ups are currently open, and there are about 20 slots that are yet to be filled so we hope you can join us on this trip..."

Nothing but silence could be heard around the hall.

"Oh, and extra-curricular points will be awarded, of course," Jaemin added as an afterthought, only then sparking murmurs and whispers around the hall.

"I'm free on those dates.." you hummed, after mentally going through your schedule, you made a mental note that the trip would be less than 2 weeks from now. "What about you?" you asked your friend.

She shook her head, “I can’t, I’m going overseas with my family during that time, but I mean…there's no harm in you still going. Maybe you can make some friends," she shrugged.

You winced, giving her a hesitant look.

Jaemin unconsciously searched for you in the crowd as he signalled the club members at the back of the hall to give out the details to the teachers.

"If you have any questions, feel free to approach any of the members of the club, including myself," Jaemin almost smiled when he found you in the crowd, squinting at the screen.

Turning your head back to face the front only to make what you thought was eye contact with Jaemin, he spoke, "Thank you for your time today, and I hope to see you there," he smiled, giving a small bow before exiting the stage.

===

"What did you send me? I'm literally sitting next to you," you told Donghyuck as you sat next to him in the church pews.

"Sign-up link," he murmured, and you could just about hear him over the sound of the priest's voice giving announcements.

"Sign-up link for what?" you frowned, genuinely confused at what he was sending you.

"The overseas community service thing," he told you, choosing not to add the part about Jaemin asking him to send it to you.

"I want to go but like...my friend can't make it so if I go there's literally no one I know there!" you shrugged, hoping Donghyuck could sense your stress about having to be in an overseas environment with people you didn't know.

"Who knows? Maybe this'll be a good chance for you to make friends! I know some of them, they're really nice people."

You hummed, "Lemme ask my parents first...when do sign-ups close?"

Donghyuck hummed in thought, "Monday."

"That's tomorrow!"

"Precisely. Which is why you gotta make your mind up soon," he threw his hands up in a shrug, giving you an unapologetic look.

You'd left it at that, and you were glad Donghyuck hadn't mentioned it after that. And a part of you hoped that would be the last time you would have to think about it, since you didn’t think the chance of you going was very high.

But being confronted by Jaemin about it on Monday morning when you were trying to buy your lunch didn’t make your dilemma any more solved. (well, not confronted but it might as well have been to you)

"Are there any more of this one?" you pointed at the empty section of bread, asking the lady operating the shop.

Shaking her head at you with a sad smile, "sorry, sweetie, we're all sold out."

You frowned. “Oh man,” the frown almost audible in your tone.

"Hey, Y/N,” your attention was taken away from choosing what alternative bun to get when you heard someone call your name, turning in the direction of the voice only to see Jaemin standing next to you, wearing the school sweater this time instead of the usual sweater vest.

He already bought his food, the plastic bag hanging from his wrist, but you were still stuck deciding what to get among the selection.

"Oh, hi," you smiled, diverting your attention to the bread before you. "Why d'you look so sad?" He asked you, an amused smile on his face.

"There's no more of the bread I always get," you frowned.

“S’this your lunch?" he pointed at the bread, earning a nod from you. Jaemin had noticed you looking rather sadly at the empty section of bread, glancing in his plastic bag to see that he'd bought the last few for him and the guys in the dnyl club.

"Oh, right, Donghyuck told me you were thinking of signing up for the trip?" you grasped the packaging of the bun you were holding tighter, suddenly feeling like eating more.

Picking up another bun, you glanced again at Jaemin's plastic bag, wondering if he was going to eat all those by himself.

"Did your parents agree to it?" you nodded.

“Yeah, they agreed. It’s just me...I’m just kind of hesitant since I don't really...know anyone in the club?"

Jaemin gave you a hurt expression, "Aren’t we friends?"

You opened and closed your mouth, not being able to defend yourself as he took the buns from your hands, paying for you while you were distracted trying to formulate a reply.

"I mean, yeah, we...are," you gave him a smile, still feeling unbearably shy at the thought of it, feeling him hand the plastic bag with your buns back to you, not noticing that he'd dropped one of his buns into your plastic bag.

"Then you have nothing to worry about! I know all of them, they won't bully you, they're really nice."

"Wait, you-" you glanced at the cashier, back to the bag of buns in your hand, turning back to look at Jaemin in shock, "you shouldn't have.."

Jaemin grinned, shaking his head at you as he led you away from the crowd at the bakery, "you don't have to pay me back. This isn't a bribe, I promise."

"Anyway, I have to go, got a...um...meeting. See you around?" Jaemin wished he hadn’t agreed to Harvey’s idea of joining the ‘don’t need your love club’, since that meeting was the only thing that was currently the only thing standing in between him being able to spend more time with you.

You stared at him blankly, nodding, mentally deciding that you would sign up for the trip.

“Uh-huh....see you around."

When Jaemin returned to the club room, the boys had immediately noticed the giddy smile he had on his face while he distributed their buns to them, Renjun eyeing him suspiciously.

"What's got you looking so stupid?" Renjun spoke up.

Jaemin shook his head dismissively, leaning back in his chair and trying to conceal the smile from his face, never remembering feeling like this in a long while.

"Aren't you eating? Where's your food?" Jeno asked, and Jaemin could practically hear the frown in his voice.

Jaemin let out a loud sigh, “I think I’m already fed enough to last the week.”

“....Do I even wanna ask..?” Donghyuck murmured, chewing on his bread while giving Jaemin a questioning stare.

Jaemin lifted his head, casting Donghyuck a satisfied smile. “I’m so glad you have friends,” Jaemin told him, making Donghyuck scoff, having a feeling he knew what was going on with Jaemin.

“I’d like to solve the puzzle” Donghyuck raised his hand, his tone similar to that of a gameshow contestant, earning an expectant look from Renjun and Jeno.

Staring at them in silence, Jeno nodded slowly, unsure why Donghyuck had kept silent despite the green light.

“Go on??” He prompted again.

“Jaemin has a crush,” Donghyuck’s tone was firm and decisive. This made Jeno and Renjun’s eyes widen.

“Huh? Since when?”

“No way.” The boys chimed in simultaneously.

“Valentine’s Day,” Jaemin sighed when Donghyuck brought up the day.

“I don’t believe in love at first sight, but she was really cute...and all my interactions with her have been pleasant...but that’s it.” Just like that, it was as if Jaemin had snapped out of his giddy daze, brought back to earth by his many responsibilities he should be busy with instead of being lovesick.

Renjun was sceptical, “Then what’s got you looking as though she asked you to marry her?”

“Last I heard, she was considering signing up for the overseas trip,” Jaemin explained, making Jeno nod, a hum of understanding leaving his lips.

“But you don’t actually know if she’s going, do you?” Renjun shot him a look, his question sounding more like a statement, making Donghyuck brush Renjun off.

“Hey, let the boy dream. It’s the first time I’m seeing him actually like someone and it’s a lot more entertaining than I thought it would be,” he snickered, taking another big bite out of his bread as though he were attempting to fit the whole thing in his mouth, his cheeks puffing out from the action.

“When’s the next time you’re gonna see her?” Jeno asked, curious about who you were.

“The pre-departure briefing’s on Wednesday. But that’s if she signs up, of course,” Jaemin gave Donghyuck an pointed look, knowing he’d sent Donghyuck the sign-up link to forward to you.

Donghyuck raised his hands defensively, “I swear I sent it to her.”

Jeno on the other hand simply nodded, figuring he should be supporting Jaemin since it was rare to see Jaemin care about anything other than his oh-so-many responsibilities, and maybe—just maybe, it was a change of scenery that Jaemin needed.

“Keep us updated.”

“Yeah, you better.”

When Wednesday came, Donghyuck assumed you’d shown up to the briefing when he’d received a flood of messages in the chat group.

jaemin 1:55pm- oh my god she’s here she’s actually here for the briefing- 1:55pm - r u guys SEEING these messages- 1:56pm - o I’m stupid I was the one that checked the groupings but I didn’t even realise she was in the same grp as me- 1:56pm - wait she’s in the same grp as me omg- 1:56pm -ok the meeting is starting bye wish me luck-

“Hi guys, so for starters can you take a look at the board and see which groups you belong to, and assemble yourselves accordingly around the room? With group 1 here and group 4 here?” You heard the young teacher instruct, their tone sounding fairly urgent, so you quickly searched for your name among the names on the board, not wanting to end up as the last one standing.

You were quick to spot your name, but you felt a strange wave of relief wash over you when you saw Jaemin’s name under the same group as yours, turning around and spotting him at the side, already sitting with a few other people.

Making your way over to the group, you saw Jaemin look up from the sheets of paper he was analysing, giving you a wave when he saw you. It seemed to you that the people here already knew each other, but only upon reaching your group and sitting down you felt their gaze on you when Jaemin had greeted you.

“So, I see you decided to sign up in the end?” He leaned back, resting his weight on his hands behind him, giving you a smile.

Nodding and reciprocating his smile, you tried to peek at the papers he had arranged neatly in front of him but failed when he'd reached his hand forward to fiddle with the side of the papers, shielding the words from your vision.

"I'm glad," he let out a small content sigh, glancing at the direction of the teacher before nodding, "sorry, I’ll be right back."

You gave him a small smile, eyes widening when you looked back at the rest of the group, realizing they were all looking directly at you.

"What's your name?" one of them spoke up to ask, her tone fairly eager, making you unconsciously try to match her level of energy.

“Y/N,” you replied as cheerfully as you could, scanning the faces in the group and recognizing some of them to be from your cohort.

"Oh, is it the same Y/N?” you saw one of the girls turn to whisper, earning a sharp nudge from whoever was sitting next to them.

"I don't know about you, but I’ve never seen the pres act so comfortably with people other than his group of friends," you heard the girl next to you murmur, making your eyebrows raise.

"Much less a girl," the boy sitting next to her had agreed.

"So.... is it your first time coming for one of our events?" a boy with light brown hair asked you, taking your attention from the girls, eyebrows lifting in question. "I'm Seungmin, by the way."

You nodded, "Yeah, uh... Jaemin was asking if I wanted to go the other day so i figured like... why not, and stuff.." you trailed off, nervous huff of laughter leaving your lips.

"Are you and the pres dating?" a girl that you recognized to be from your class had interrupted, narrowing her eyes at you in disbelief.

"Who? I'm not dating anyone right now," you replied, confused as to why they were accusing you of dating their president, whoever it was.

"But wasn't he the one that gave you the rose on Valentine's day?" the girl sitting next to you had cut in.

"Wait, I always thought he was gay. He’s not gay?” A boy sitting in the other group next to you had turned to join the conversation.

You laughed, more confused than anything, "Oh, that? The rose thing- that was Jaemin."

You saw Seungmin press his lips together in an amused smile, "You don't know who the pres is, do you?"

You were about to defend yourself, pretending as if you knew before giving up, slouching in your seat and shaking your head at Seungmin, seeing him point at the front of the room, and you followed his gaze to where Jaemin was standing, discussing something with the teacher and what you assumed was the travel agent at the front of the room.

"That," Seungmin said, "is our pres."

Your mouth formed an 'o' shape in realization, eyebrows raising in surprise at the unexpected discovery, turning back to Seungmin with a determined expression on your face. "Wait, is he really gay?”

Seungmin scrunched his nose up at the question, shrugging innocently, “It’s kind of unknown...personally, I’ve never thought that way, but he has always seemed pretty uninterested in dating. You’d be surprised at the amount of love confessions he’d refused from just this Valentine’s Day period alone,”

You frowned in confusion, "then why'd he give me the flower?"

"You see that's what all of us are wondering. But from what we know, the pres is a massive flirt," Seungmin divulged, smirk playing at his lips as he watched your eyes widen.

You were about to ask something else when you heard the sound of Jaemin getting everyone's attention.

Introducing the travel agent to the group, Jaemin let him take over and came back to sit with your group, (conveniently) placing himself next to you. As the travel agent briefed you guys about the details of the trip, you noticed how Jaemin was silently double checking whatever he had on his paper with what the agent was showing on the screen, nodding along as he talked.

Halfway through the briefing you heard the travel agent start to wrap up, inviting Jaemin to carry on with the rest of the briefing, seeing the boy next to you make his way over to the front of the room.

“You guys are already split into your assigned groupings, right?" you heard the teacher speak, feeling Seungmin lean over to inform you who the teacher was.

"That's the teacher in charge of the community service club, his name is Doyoung." You made a face of realisation, recalling hearing Donghyuck mention him many times (and the fact that he was a ‘major pain in the ass’) before.

“Basically, now that you know the itinerary, each of your groups will be assigned with an activity that we will be doing during the trip, some will be preparing gifts for the visits and others will be planning things like games or designs for the mural.”

Doyoung had walked over to the centre of the room, directing his instructions to a particular group sitting on his right.

“For the groups in charge of the murals, please come back to me with your designs preferably latest by the day of the flight itself, because we need to confirm it with the orphanage for the approval of the design.”

You frowned, unsure why he was directing such a stern gaze towards the group next to him, only realising afterwards that it was because one of them was very obviously falling asleep right in front of him.

“Jaemin, your group is doing the gifts, right?” Doyoung turned to ask Jaemin, who stood at the front of the room, with his back leaning against the whiteboard, arms crossed in front of his chest as he nodded.

“Alright, then the rest of the session will be for you guys to prepare your activities, group leaders please take charge, check with Jaemin or me if you need any clarification about the visits.”

“How come Jaemin does so much of the planning?” You turned to ask Seungmin, not realising that Jaemin was already making his way back to where your group was.

Seungmin’s gaze darting between yours and Jaemin’s approaching figure, he lowered his voice to a mere murmur, “Honestly, I think it’s just always kind of been like that...our last teacher before Doyoung was crap at organising, so Jaemin just took the lead, but now I guess the habit kind of stuck, so Doyoung just lets him carry on and just oversees it and stuff,” he explained to you, making small gestures as he spoke, turning around to face the circle promptly once Jaemin had returned.

You almost jumped when you felt Seungmin lean over to tell you, “don’t let this scare you but... another factor is because Jaemin has always been pretty strict about the club activities. Not saying that we don’t have fun—we definitely do have fun. But to put it simply....if you’re not really..genuine about it, he can usually tell right off the bat, and he won’t really be silent about it either, so....I would suggest treading a little more carefully around him, especially if you’re just...in it for the points or as a one-time thing.”

You nodded slowly, turning back to see Jaemin looking at you with his eyebrows slightly raised in question, “did you hear what I said, Y/N?” He asked, a teasing lilt to his tone, not to mention the hint of a smile at his lips.

You opened your mouth to reply, almost nodding, only to remember that in fact you didn’t hear him, deciding on giving him a sheepish smile instead, shaking your head slowly, “uh...sorry, I didn’t um... hear that,” you admitted, seeing him visibly relax, letting out what was a mix of a sigh and an amused huff.

“It’s alright, what I asked was whether you guys had any suggestions for gifts that we could make for the children at the orphanage we’ll be visiting.”

“Should we give them something more educational? You know, since they probably don’t have as many resources as we do,” you heard one girl from the group speak up, earning various nods from the group, including yourself.

Jaemin jut out his lower lip in a pout, nodding, “we could do that, did you have anything specific in mind?” He asked her.

The girl’s eyes widened, shaking her head and shrugging, “I’m not very sure..”

“What about like those stationery sets? We could buy them online and I’m pretty sure it can ship in before the day of the trip,” another girl offered, and you nodded, figuring it was a pretty good idea.

“Hey, Jaemin, do we still have leftover stuff from the bracelets we made for the fundraiser?” Seungmin spoke up from next to you, catching your interest.

“Bracelets?” You turned to him and asked, glancing back at Jaemin when you heard him let out an affirmative hum.

“Yeah, we have a lot left over from the last event we did, I can bring them and we can make some, since the trip is in less than a week,” Jaemin murmured, turning to the rest of the group, “do any of you think you can meet before the trip to make the bracelets? I could pass them to you if you guys are free,” Jaemin suggested.

You’d wanted to mention that you were available, opening your mouth and nodding at Jaemin, but your enthusiasm subsided quickly as you succumbed to the majority when you saw many of them shaking their heads, commenting about how they had yet to pack for the trip.

“Then, it’s alright, then. I don't think I’ll have time to make any beforehand anyway. We can just make them during the trip on one of the nights, after all, the trip isn’t very long.”

===

“You totally missed your chance, dude, you could’ve just asked her to make the bracelets with you, you know?”

Jaemin let out a resigned huff at Jeno’s chiding followed by the sound of the rapid-fire gunshots from Jeno’s game. Shaking his head as he shoved the last of his shirts into his luggage, staring at the bag full of beads and string tucked in his luggage.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, I’m literally flying off in a few hours,” Jaemin shrugged, letting out a grunt as he heaved his luggage from his desk chair to his bed, making Jeno yelp and shift to the left before getting crushed, not without casting a glare in Jaemin’s direction.

“So do you have a plan?” Jeno asked, hissing loudly before setting his phone down next to him, bringing his other hand behind his head to support it as he lay on Jaemin’s bed.

“What plan? Plan for what?” Jaemin frowned, neatly folding his jacket and fitting it nicely into the corner of his suitcase.

Jeno shot him an unamused look, “for Y/N, dude.”

Jaemin’s movements halted for barely a second, shaking his head dismissively.

“There’s no plan. I shouldn’t pursue it,” he said, sounding more like he was trying to convince himself.

“What do you mean you ‘shouldn’t pursue it’? You were the one that gave her that rose on Valentine’s Day and freaked out just because you gave her bread so what are you going on about saying you have no plan?”

Jeno’s tone was exasperated, “rule number one of gaming dude, doesn’t matter if u have a plan or not- just go with your gut. We die like men.”

Rolling his eyes, Jaemin walked into his bathroom, fishing out his toiletries as he replied Jeno, his voice echoing from the bathroom, “this isn't battleground, Jen.”

“Okay, fine, whatever. Game or not, you can’t close this case so quickly. At least try to get to know her first, before you totally write it off.”

Jaemin didn’t reply, letting a pensive silence fall between the two boys as he zipped up his luggage loudly, moving to double check if he had whatever he needed in his carry-on bag, going to the bulleted list in his phone and checking the items off as he went.

Jeno knew why Jaemin was so averse to the idea of pursuing you or even thinking about a relationship with you, the Jaemin that Jeno knew never would have let himself get into a relationship if he knew he wasn’t ready to commit and set aside time to make it work. Jaemin was one of the most romantic people he knew, but refusing a chance at love was just something he’d been forcing himself to do, until now at least. Which was why Jeno was determined (but mostly hopeful) to see this through.

“You know how I feel about these things...” Jaemin’s tone was warning, but it wasn’t like Jeno cared.

“Yes, I do,” Jeno replied confidently, “I’ve known you for like....ever, and don’t fight me when I say this because you know it’s true. But what I know....is that you love love.”

Jaemin opened his mouth to protest, only to close it back shut, his brain going against him by imagining all the possibilities of what kind of person you would be once he got to know you, curiosity getting the better of him, but more-so the hope that the vibe he was getting about you was correct.

Slinging his bag across his chest, he waved Jeno off.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just send me to the airport.”

===

"C'mon, don't look so disappointed, you're making me feel bad that our seats are assigned," Seungmin joked, noticing the way you kept glancing at where Jaemin and Doyoung were sitting on the aeroplane.

You flushed at how you were caught staring, shaking your head hurriedly so Seungmin wouldn't get the wrong idea, "no, no, no! Don't feel bad! You're a great seat buddy!”

Seungmin shot you a look of disbelief, eyebrows raising and lips parting, "wow, your tone was so reassuring," he murmured, shaking his head, "but that doesn't hide the fact that you were staring so spill."

Your eyes widened. "Spill?"

Seungmin nodded, leaning back in his seat, "we've got the whole flight for you to tell me about your ‘pres-agenda’," he waggled his eyebrows, a serene smile on his face.

Not being able to help the gasp that left your lips, you made a disgruntled sound, "what makes you think there even is a ‘pres-agenda’?"

Seungmin gave you a wide eyed look.

"No...don't tell me... it's a doyoung-agenda?!" he joked, making you roll your eyes, swatting at him with the sleeve of your jacket.

"Look, I know as much as you do, okay? At this point I still can’t tell if his flirting is to hit on me or if it's really cause it's second-nature to him," you huffed, recalling your annoyance at how he helped so many girls put their luggages in the cabin while you fumbled with yours.

"Well," Seungmin shrugged, "you have the whole trip to find out, if you think about it."

"Yeah, but how is a whole other story."

Seungmin shook his head dismissively, glancing at Jaemin's direction only to see Jaemin look away quickly, having been caught looking your way as well.

"Trust me, with someone like Jaemin...I don't think it's gonna be that hard."

And maybe Seungmin was right.

Once you'd landed, you barely had time to rest before Doyoung had announced that you were about to visit a university in the country, asking everyone to hurry and get on the bus so you wouldn't be late.

Jaemin got into the bus with the rest of the members, while you stayed at the door after being assigned by Doyoung to do a headcount. Only after you were done counting and had trudged up the bus, you realized that the numbers were uneven because Doyoung had occupied the seat next to him with the bags of snacks for the gifts. This meant that Jaemin had to find another seat, and Seungmin was sitting alone as well, making you wonder why no one had sat with Jaemin.

About to approach the empty seat next to Seungmin, you saw him lift the big bag of gifts from the floor to plop it on the empty seat next to him, mouthing something to you while gesturing wildly with his head at Jaemin's direction.

‘sit with him’ you managed to decipher.

To Jaemin, you clearly looked like you were having a dilemma regarding where to sit, and he took the liberty to glance around the bus, seeing that the only seat left was next to him.

"Y/N!" he called, waving his hand to get your attention, "you can sit here," he offered with a smile (though it didn't really seem like you had a choice). Feeling the bus start to move, you decided you'd better hurry up and sit before you fell over.

Landing on the seat next to him with a thud, you felt him take the things you were holding from your hands.

"Seatbelt," he murmured gently.

Mouth forming an 'o' shape in realization, you quickly did the buckle, taking your things back from him with a murmur of thanks.

You noticed Jaemin was scrolling through something on his phone that you thought resembled an itinerary, your curiosity getting the better of you.

"What's that?"

Jaemin turned to you, "huh? oh this, this is just the proposal the university sent to me."

"Proposal? What are they sending you a proposal for?" you frowned in confusion, making Jaemin have to look away lest his smile grow any bigger.

"It's kind of just like a formality, 'cause we're planning on working with them to like give like support to the orphanage we're visiting and all," Jaemin shrugged, and you hummed in understanding.

"Wow...that's really nice, that it's not just like a one-time thing but that we can actually give them like... continuous support," you smiled, and unconsciously, so did Jaemin, who nodded at you in agreement.

“Yeah, that’s what I told Doyoung, since we’ve been to that orphanage before I felt like it was a good opportunity for us to help them,” he murmured, and you couldn’t help but notice the way he looked so happy talking about it, tugging at your heartstrings (just a little).

“Also,” you added, a hint of playfulness in your tone, “you never told me you were the president of this club,” you accused, seeing him huff in amusement, fiddling with the papers in his hands.

Leaning against the window so he could face you better, Jaemin looked at you and shrugged.

"Didn't think it was important information, I guess."

"Is that why you kept trying to recruit me to sign up?" you laughed, feeling like you shouldn't have been laughing when you saw how seriously he shook his head.

"I asked you to sign up because I wanted to," he murmured, his voice almost getting drowned out by noise from the rest of the club members.

Flushing at the implications of the statement, you shoved his shoulder lightly, “Didn’t peg you to be such a flirt,” you laughed, your heart almost stopping when you saw the smile he gave you, only serving to draw you in further to wanting to find out just who Na Jaemin was.

“Seems like there’s still lots of things I don’t know about you, huh,” you huffed, feeling strangely confident talking to him (contrary to how you’d imagined yourself fumbling over your words in your head).

Jaemin shrugged, unbuckling his seatbelt and that was when you realised you’d already reached your first venue which was some university, if you remembered Seungmin telling you correctly on the plane.

“You’ve got the whole trip to find out,” he winked, standing up and briefing the class when Doyoung called for him. His words reminding you of what Seungmin had said on the plane.

You stared, dumbfounded at Jaemin’s behaviour even after he’d finished briefing the group in charge of the university visit, letting your limbs move mindlessly to manoeuvre yourself out of the bus and to where Seungmin was, the said boy wiggling his eyebrows at you as he spotted you approaching him.

“So? What’s the update?”

You shook your head, still at a loss of words from Jaemin’s sheer confidence. You heard Doyoung briefing the group on the details of the university visit, saying that the first agenda was to meet with the heads of whatever department you were visiting.

Following the group, you were led into this room where you saw various students dressed in blazers standing at the sides of the room, offering you bottled water and snacks as you walked past.

You took your seat next to Seungmin, as Jaemin spoke with Doyoung at the front of the room, introducing themselves to the heads of the department.

You watched as Jaemin had taken a seat at the tables near the front of the room with Doyoung, setting his bag down onto the chair before turning around to glance around the room.

Doyoung had stood up to set up the powerpoint slides at the computer, whereas you simply watched as Jaemin scanned the room, raising his hands to beckon one of the blazer-clad students, who rushed over to Jaemin, letting him whisper something to them before they’d promptly went to the table of refreshments, taking a few water bottles and bringing them to the corner section of the room who you were only realising now hadn’t received the gifts.

In your silent admiration, you hadn’t noticed that Jaemin had caught your gaze, his eyebrows quirking upwards ever so slightly and his hand raising in an ‘ok’ gesture to ask if everything was alright, earning a delayed nod from you.

Smiling, he’d turned back around, which Doyoung took as his queue to pick up the mic, introducing your school and saying a few words before passing the mic over to the group that was in charge of the university visit, and you’d let yourself zone out temporarily.

You noticed that there was one person in particular that had been very nice to you and Seungmin, which you were very appreciative of, giving you the impression that the students there were really friendly.

This friendliness had only increased when you had gone to sit in in one of their classes, and that student had taken a seat next to you, introducing himself to you and trying to make conversation, but your attention was rather unevenly split since Jaemin had been invited to introduce the school in front of the entire class.

Jaemin’s eyes narrowed at the student that was speaking to you, unbeknownst to you but going very much noticed by Seungmin, who gave Jaemin a shrug. Jaemin figured he would let it slide, consoling himself with the thought that ‘hey, maybe the students here were a little on the friendlier side, but that’s okay, at least they were welcoming instead of unwelcoming’.

You’d been led to another room where the group of you had sat in a circle together with the blazer-clad students, and you’d taken your seat next to Seungmin again, Jaemin sitting next to Seungmin. The blazer-clad students had initiated a discussion with the students from your school, talking about what they were and what their committee did, and inviting some of the students from your school to share about your experiences in the country so far, typical overseas-trip stuff, you figured.

You were pretty attentive to the discussion, until you heard the student next to you speak up, “so, uh...do you guys study this department as well?”

You turned to him, a hum of confusion leaving your lips, realising then he had directed his question towards you.

“No, actually, we don’t,” Seungmin answered, though you felt a little awkward under the student’s unwavering gaze.

“Ohh... cool, how old are you?” He asked, earning a hum from Seungmin, who didn’t know whether to laugh or be scared at the dagger eyes Jaemin was directing towards the student.

“Oh, uh..he’s 19, I’m 18,” you murmured, hearing the boy hum.

“Oh, I’m actually one of the oldest members of the committee, I’m like 22 this year,” he told you, making your eyes widen, not having expected him to be so much older than you.  

“Oh....” You laughed nervously, directing your attention elsewhere, pretending to fiddle with the badges on Seungmin’s bag.

“What kind of messaging apps do they use in your country?” You furrowed your eyebrows, naming the few that you used frequently, not understanding why he would ask you that.

“Ohhh,” Seungmin swore he heard disappointment in the boy’s tone, “over here we mostly use other apps, we don’t use those,” you scrunched your nose at his reply, looking back down at Seungmin’s badges.

You hoped the conversation would end there, afraid that he would ask for your number since you weren’t sure where this was heading, but it seemed as though he’d read your mind when you heard him open his mouth to speak again.

“Hey, you know maybe we can ex—”

Your attention was diverted when you heard their teacher’s voice sound through the microphone, asking for volunteers from your school to say a few words about how their experience has been in the school so far, everyone in the club immediately turning to Jaemin, hoping he would save the rest of the members from having to go up there and talk.

You felt the boy nudge you, gesturing for you to volunteer, making you wave your hand dismissively, “no, no, please.”

You missed how Jaemin glanced around at the club members (his gaze lingering on you and the blazer-wearing boy for a little longer than appropriate), seeming to have gotten the hint when he raised his hand lightly, giving the teacher a courteous smile as he got up to accept the microphone from her.

“Hi, my name is Jaemin and I’m the president of our club. Firstly I would like to say a big thank you to the people here such as the committee members and the teachers for being so...” Jaemin had to withhold himself from glaring at the boy seated next to you, “welcoming,” he drawled, narrowing his eyes at the boy next to you.

“But nonetheless, my experiences here have been pleasant so far, and I hope that our school has a chance to continue partnership with you in the future after this project that we embark on this trip,” you nodded, flashing an encouraging smile to Jaemin, which he returned sweetly, before handing the microphone back to the teacher.

After Doyoung and Jaemin had presented the gifts from the school to the university department head, you had all been called in for a group picture, Jaemin finding his way next to you (totally not just so that the boy couldn’t stand next to you), draping his hand over your shoulder casually as you all squeezed together for a photo.

“We’ll be heading for lunch after this, so let’s be quick so our itinerary doesn’t get delayed,” you heard Doyoung tell a group of the club members, and you and Seungmin had quickly made your way out of the room, the boy waving goodbye to you with a smile as you walked past him.

Seungmin couldn’t help the snort that escaped him, making you raise your eyebrows in confusion.

“Hmm?” you hummed.

“Nothing,” Seungmin smiled innocently.

The restaurant you were eating at for lunch was within walking distance, and you were eager to sit down and eat once the aroma of the food had hit you when you entered the restaurant, Jaemin beckoning you over to sit with him.

Taking a seat opposite Jaemin but next to Seungmin, you glanced up to see Jaemin turning around to scan the room again, and you could vaguely hear him muttering numbers under his breath.

“Does everyone have a drink?” He stood up slightly to ask, his hand resting on the back of his chair to support his weight, receiving murmurs of acknowledgement and affirmation, Jaemin invited everyone to start eating.

You took that as your queue to reach over to grab the bowl of rice just as Jaemin was about to take it to distribute the rice to the people sitting around him, not knowing that you had similar intentions.

“It’s okay, let me,” you insisted, beginning to scoop the rice onto Seungmin’s plate, seeing Jaemin withdraw his hand quickly, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks as he tilted his head down.

“Thanks,” he murmured once you had scooped the rice onto his plate, followed by the guy sitting next to you and lastly onto your own plate.

"How'd you guys find the university visit just now? Fun? Boring?" you heard Jaemin begin, glancing at the few of you expectantly as he chewed his food.

“You spent quite a while talking to one of the committee members, right?” The guy next to you had asked you, his name was Hyunjin if you remembered correctly.

You recognised him to be one of the guys on the school’s dance team, since you remembered going with Donghyuck to one of their performances before.

“I mean,” you laughed nervously, your gaze on your plate unwavering, “he was just being really friendly so I guess-”

Seungmin made a sound of disbelief, “you’re really too nice, he was totally hitting on you!” Seungmin pointed out, turning to Jaemin in his excitement, the latter letting his spoon linger between his lips as he pretended to be uninvested in the conversation.

“Don’t you think so? You saw it too, right?” Seungmin asked Jaemin, making Jaemin turn his head ever so slightly in Seungmin’s direction, his gaze moving to yours, before giving you a small nod.

“Yeah, I may have...heard a little bit of the conversation,” Jaemin shrugged, making your eyes widen, embarrassed for some reason that Jaemin had noticed and you hadn’t.

Jaemin set his cutlery down on his plate neatly, leaning back in his seat to dab at his mouth with a tissue.

“Thoughts?” Hyunjin held his fist out in front of Jaemin’s mouth to act as a microphone, earning a shrug from Jaemin.

“Wouldn’t have made it far with whatever strategy he had,” Jaemin shrugged.

You pursed your lips at his comment, unsure what to make of it, and you’d only wanted to sink into your seat even further when you heard Hyunjin make a low impressed noise.

“Ohhh...what’s this... is there some tension I feel here?”

Seungmin took that as his queue to join in, narrowing his eyes at Jaemin as Hyunjin continued, “Is our pres perhaps.... threatened?”

Jaemin scoffed, standing up, which the other members took as their queue to finish up and start heading back to the bus as well. Turning to glance at you before he turned back to Hyunjin to shake his head, “you wish.”

===

You hadn’t noticed you’d fallen asleep on the bus, being nudged awake by a particularly hard bump in the road the bus drove over, making you groan slightly, your jacket covering you snugly which added to the list of factors that may have lulled you to sleep without knowing. You only realised then that you were leaning on something, making your eyes widen, getting up slowly because you had assumed Jaemin was asleep, not wanting to wake him.

Turning your head to look around the bus, (as much as you could because falling asleep in that position was starting to kill your neck), you noticed that almost everyone had fallen asleep, even Doyoung and the tour guide.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” You were startled when you heard Jaemin murmur softly, turning your head as fast as you could without straining your neck, seeing him with his phone in hand, looking at you with a sheepish expression.

You opened your mouth to speak, shaking your head, “oh, no, don’t worry you didn’t,” you assured him, not being able to help but glance at his shoulder that you had fallen asleep on, a rush of heat going to your cheeks. “Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep without knowing, sorry for making you uncomfortable.”

Jaemin gave you a tired smile, shaking his head, making the hood on his head shift slightly, “It’s fine, I wasn’t uncomfortable. Did you manage to get some rest?” he asked, and his tone was so reassuring that you almost actually believed him.

Nodding at him, you sunk back down into your seat, hearing him yawn. “Did you?”

Jaemin shook his head, “couldn’t sleep,” he let out a soulless huff of laughter, holding his phone up, “was working on my uni applications.”

“So early? I thought you were only graduating next year?” You asked, your ignorance making Jaemin feel a strange sense of relief.

“I’m doing early applications...” he sighed, “so I’ve got to kind of get a few things ready like my essay and like testimonials from teachers and stuff like that,” he murmured. Making you think of Donghyuck, who you knew usually left things to a little later since he would have to discuss with his parents before making any big decisions.

“Oh, so you’ve like already like discussed with your parents and stuff?” You asked, spilling out whatever information you knew that you could relate to this situation, seeing Jaemin press his lips together in a tight line, frowning slightly before he eventually shrugged.

“They uh.. don’t really care as long as it’s the top 2 universities,” you couldn’t help but sense something sad in his tone, urging you to prompt him but at the same time rendering you unsure if it was a sensitive topic for him.

“Oh...um, so like... you’re more on the science side?” You asked, recalling Donghyuck telling you that he would never be able to find a course that suited him in the top 2 universities since he was more inclined towards pursuing music.

Jaemin shrugged, “I guess it’s kind of what I have to pursue to get ahead. Like...money wise and stuff, I guess,” you raised an eyebrow at him.

“You don’t sound very convinced,” you laughed, feeling yourself relax when you saw Jaemin give you a smile, shaking his head.

“No, you’re right. I’m not.” Jaemin told you, fiddling with his phone in his hands as you hugged your jacket closer to yourself.

“Would I be reading too much into it if I take this as you would choose a different course if it weren’t for your parents?”

Jaemin’s smile dropped, something in your words resonating with him, since he wasn’t used to talking about this with someone other than Jeno, and even when he did talk about it with Jeno, Jeno wasn’t as straightforward about it with him as you were, but something in Jaemin felt as though he needed to hear it.

Jaemin gave you a firm nod.

“I wanted to do photography, or like...social work” he told you, a hint of yearning in the way he spoke, his choice of words making you feel as though he didn’t consider it to be an option anymore.

“But I chose to do medicine instead, figured that it was the only way I could appease both my parents...and myself,” he shrugged.

“Wow,” you murmured, admiration at Jaemin’s consideration hitting you, thinking about how different he was from Donghyuck.

“My friend Donghyuck, he would never. Even now since he wants to do music, he was planning on just choosing it for his uni application and dealing with the aftermath from his parents,” you told him, seeing Jaemin’s lips quirk up in a smirk at the mention of Donghyuck.

Jaemin shook his head, “that’s just Donghyuck for you,” he laughed. “My parents....have pretty strongopinions. And I guess it’s just always been like that since I was young?” Jaemin searched your expression for any sign that he was oversharing, but your attention only prompted him to continue.

“And I kind of...I think there was a point of time when I realised I had my own strong opinions??...and most of the time they didn’t line up with what my parents wanted for me or what they thought was right so I just...had to find other ways to be a few steps ahead of them, you know? So I could do things that I actually wanted to do,” he explained, though still in a very vague way.

You felt a billion thoughts rush through your head, thoughts ranging from how Jaemin’s interests were in social work, and how Seungmin had told you that the club meant a lot to him, followed by the way he even sacrificed things like a simple nap on the bus to work on his university application essay.

You were starting to realise just what an angel Na Jaemin was, thinking about how he mentioned that he had to be a few steps ahead, to do things that he wanted to do.

“Like this?” You asked, referring to the overseas trip.

Your question seemed to have caught him off guard, and you ignored how everyone else had already started to wake up, since you were already reaching the destination.

Jaemin gave you a smile, and you made a mental note: this was one of his more genuine smiles, and you could feel it.

“Yeah, like this.”

Throughout the rest of the day, when you were having dinner, you noticed the way Jaemin would bring his hands up to massage his neck and shoulder, wincing every so often, and you didn’t have to think twice to know this was because he’d sat in the same position for too long.

Taking it upon yourself to text him to ask for his room number that night as everyone was getting ready to go to sleep, you took a few of your muscle ache relief patches, resolutely making your way to his hotel room and knocking on the door.

Jaemin had opened the door, dressed in a simple white t-shirt and pajama pants, a small towel draped over his wet hair.

“Hey, what happened? Is there anything you need?” He asked, and you shook your head, an embarrassed smile on your face.

Holding out the pain relief patches to him, you saw his eyes widen, before looking back from the patches to you with an incredulous look on his face.

“Wh-...how did you...”

“I noticed,” you told him simply, and he reached his hands away from the door to accept the patches from you, bringing one of his hands up to cover his growing smile, shaking his head at you.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

“Make sure you get a good rest tonight, goodnight,” you told him.

Jaemin was still at a loss for words, inhaling before letting out a short sigh, nodding at you with a smile, “I will. Goodnight.”

===

The next day was more tiring than you had initially expected it to be, and you were thankful you’d given Jaemin the pain relief patches, since painting the mural required a lot of arm movement.

You’d sat next to him on the bus again today but you were too tired to talk, falling asleep quicker than you would’ve liked, since your discussion from the day before was just left hanging in the air like that, a part of you still curious as to know more about Jaemin.

You had gone to the orphanage to paint a mural with the children, and if you weren’t already head over heels for Jaemin before you went to the orphanage you sure were now.

You weren’t sure where he got all his energy from to interact and be so lively with the children, not seeming to mind when they’d gotten paint on him and his clothes, or even the way they kept trying to jump onto his back for a piggyback ride. You were glad the children had taken a liking to you as well, the feeling strangely bittersweet to you, since you would love to interact more with them from the sheer happiness it brought both you and them, but you knew this was a rare occasion for them to do activities like this.

You were too busy interacting with the children to notice the way a few of the club members had already started coughing and some were beginning to feel unwell. Only when you’d returned to the bus did you realise that Seungmin was one of them, huddled in his seat desperate to get some rest because of how horrible his throat was feeling.

Jaemin had gone to a convenience store nearby and bought vitamin supplements for the club members, not to mention a coffee for himself, passing the energy drinks and vitamins around when you were all taking a break after completing the mural and it was almost dinnertime, handing it to you last before sitting down next to you on the pavement.

You watched as you were eating the vitamin as Doyoung had walked over to where you and Jaemin were, giving you a small smile before turning to Jaemin, “you guys haven’t done the gifts for the orphanage children yet, right? I heard who was it telling me just now you guys had planned on making bracelets, right?”

Jaemin’s eyes widened, nodding, biting on his straw absently as he pulled his phone from his pocket, “right, almost forgot, I was planning on texting the group to ask if they would be alright to do it tonight.”

You saw your phone light up with a notification, glancing down to see Jaemin’s message he had just sent to the group of you that were in charge of the orphanage visit.

jaemin 6:15pm - hey guys! just a reminder that we still have to make the bracelets for the kids at the orphanage so I was thinking we could meet tonight to do them? we can meet in my room to do it since my room has a little more space -

You saw a few of them acknowledge the message, so you figured those were the club members that were still feeling well enough.

Jaemin stood up when Doyoung had announced that the bus had arrived to take you to the dinner location, and you’d all boarded the bus quickly, using your phone and looking at social media to kill time as Jaemin was busy with his phone.

Jeno 6:20pm - any updates??? -

Jaemin typed out a reply quickly to the dnyl groupchat

Jaemin 6:20pm - we just finished painting the mural, heading to dinner now. the kids were so cute :( -

Jeno 6:20pm - thanks for telling me but I meant updates about HER -

Jaemin shot you a furtive glance, suddenly hyper aware that you were seated next to him

Jaemin 6:20pm - honestly, shes really nice, like...rly rly nice -

Jeno 6:21pm - ANDDD???? omg ure so frustrating ure just like Renjun -

Donghyuck 6:21pm - truth -

6:22pm - and nothing! idk what ure expecting –

Donghyuck 6:22pm - do u get the sense whether she likes u or not at least?? –

This made Jaemin wonder, was your niceness caused by your like towards him? Or did you even like him? At this point, Jaemin wasn’t sure which answer he wanted more.

6:24pm - idk I can’t tell u guys r stressing me out -

Donghyuck 6:24pm - please u’d be stressed even if we didn’t bring it up -

Jaemin locked his phone when he felt you tap him.

“Hey, we just reached,” you told him, grabbing your water bottle as he stood up, holding his hand above your head so you wouldn’t hit your head on the overhead cabin as you straightened up.

You noticed that Jaemin hadn’t left his jacket on the bus, instead, he’d kept his hoodie on, the hood draped over his head as he walked next to you to enter the restaurant, taking his seat next to you this time, which earned many looks from the club members—unbeknownst to you.

Seungmin had taken a seat in front of you, looking very tired, making you frown in concern.

“Hey, are you feeling alright?”

Seungmin shook his head, “I really just wanna go back to the hotel room and pass out, I feel a fever coming on,” he told you, earning a disgruntled noise from Jaemin.

“You should, you don’t have to join us to make the bracelets. Get as much rest as you can so you don’t get more sick,” Jaemin told him, earning an appreciative nod from Seungmin.

“Thanks pres. Sorry, I really wanted to help, but at this rate I don’t know if I can stay awake.”

Jaemin shook his head, and you took the liberty of distributing the food as he spoke, “it’s really fine, your health is more important.” (How ironic, Jaemin knew if Renjun heard this he’d be giving an earful to Jaemin about hypocrisy).

You knew that there were many bracelets to be made, but you were hoping that if enough of you showed up tonight you would be able to get it done quickly, and you were just as eager to get it done so you could go to sleep.

When you’d gone back to the hotel, you took your time to shower and get changed since you knew the meeting time was a little later, coming out and seeing your roommate already getting ready to sleep on her bed.

“Hope you don’t mind, I’m really tired,” she told you, giving you an apologetic smile.

You shook your head reassuringly, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you dried your hair, checking your phone as you did so, seeing a flood of texts in the group chat saying that majority of them were feeling unwell, with some of them even puking and others running a fever.

Your heart sank, though a part of you questioned if they were really sick or not, since you remembered a few of them to have been perfectly fine during dinner but you figured you should give them the benefit of the doubt.

Coming out from the group chat, you saw that Jaemin had messaged you privately

Jaemin 9:56pm - looks like its just both of us left, are you alright to make the bracelets? you can just come up to my room when you’re ready -

You’d sent him a message saying you were on your way, thankful that his room was on the same floor as yours, telling your roommate you would go make the bracelets, receiving her tired hum of acknowledgement before you left.

Upon reaching Jaemin’s room you entered, you could hear some upbeat Ariana Grande song faintly playing from the inside of the room. His hair was messy, dressed in a pink hoodie and black sweatpants, waving at you in greeting before letting you enter the room.

You pointed a finger in question at the upbeat music he was playing at this time of the night, an eyebrow raising in question.

“How are you feeling?” you asked him.

“Feeling great! That coffee I drank just now really got me awake.” you shot him a look, clearly not having asked about his coffee, wanting to know about whether he was feeling unwell instead.

“Sorry, I really wasn’t expecting so many of them to fall sick,” he told you, making you laugh, raising your eyebrows at him in amusement.

“Why are you apologising? It’s not your fault,” you told him, seeing him close his mouth abruptly, taking a seat on his bed where he already had the beads and string laid out.

“Can’t help but feel responsible for them,” he admitted, making you let out a dissatisfied hum.

Looking at him with a firm gaze, you took a seat on his bed next to him, “you don’t have to be. They can take care of themselves, you know,” you huffed.

Jaemin shrugged, though he would never admit your words made his heart skip a beat, keeping his gaze averted as he handed you a string and picked one up for himself, starting to string beads in as he pleased, and you heard the song change.

You were almost done with your first bracelet when you heard Jaemin’s phone start ringing, the music stopping. Picking up his phone and holding it up to his ear with one hand, clasping his bracelet tightly between his fingers in his other hand, he answered the call.

“Hello?” Jaemin spoke.

“Hey, I just saw your texts, so are you making bracelets with her now?” Renjun’s teasing tone was heard through the phone, and Jaemin was thankful he hadn’t decided to put the call on speaker mode.

“Uh-huh,” Jaemin answered.

“Anything else been happening? I heard from Jeno that heard from Felix that heard from Hyunjin that there’s some sort of virus going around there?”

Jaemin sighed, “yeah, it’s pretty bad, but it’s alright I guess, I mean, I’m not sick yet so I guess I’m fine,” you wondered who it was that Jaemin was talking to, a part of you wondering who it was that could warrant such an affectionate tone from him, your first thought being maybe this was somebody he was interested in.

You needed to make sure your bracelet was big enough, so you reached over, asking Jaemin silently if he could lend you his wrist, which he offered wordlessly, letting you wrap the bracelet around his wrist, smiling in satisfaction when you found it was long enough, pulling it away from his wrist and tying a knot to secure the beads.

“Can you please drink more water? Please take more care of yourself,” Renjun reminded, making Jaemin nod.

“Yeah, my throats been feeling pretty scratchy, but it’s fine, I promise.”

“You always say that but you still end up getting sick,” Renjun’s tone was warning, making Jaemin giggle.

“I’m touched, you’re always so concerned about my health,” Jaemin teased, making Renjun scoff.

“Yeah, and from what I’m hearing from Jeno, you’re giving me reason to be concerned about your love life as well.”

“I’ll be fine, trust me. Okay I gotta go now, bye,” “Bye, Jaemin.”

“Love you,” Jaemin drawled, teasing lilt to his tone, earning a gagging noise from Renjun before the latter had hung up.

Jaemin set his phone down next to him, continuing to string his beads as you looked at him curiously.

“Umm...girlfriend?” You blurted, shocked when you saw Jaemin choke, coughing and patting his chest as he calmed down, shaking his head at you profusely.

“No, no, friend. No girlfriend,” Jaemin said clearly, making you hum, feeling him lean over to wrap his bracelet around your wrist, pulling it away and tying a knot.

“That’s interesting...you’re pretty popular in our school, you know,” you told him, seeing him flush, shaking his head at you in dismissal.

“Please, I’m flattered but...,” he sighed, making you tilt your head in confusion, tying the knot on your third bracelet.

“But?” You prompted.

Jaemin knew his reason for not wanting to get into a relationship—mostly his fear of not being able to commit, not wanting to lead whoever it was on if he knew he had too many other commitments that would keep him from being invested in the relationship.

“Nothing,” Jaemin shrugged, and if you were dissatisfied with his answer, you didn’t show it.

You continued making bracelets in the relative silence, the silence only broken when Jaemin had let out an excited sound when he glanced at the bracelet you were making.

“I like this one! It’s pretty,” he complimented, making you smile.

“Thanks, do you want it? We have more than enough beads left for the kids,” you offered, wrapping it around his wrist to measure it.

He gave you a surprised look, “can I, really?”

You nodded, “yeah, sure why not?”

Jaemin smiled, his childlike demeanour making you awfully want to squeeze his cheeks.

“Nice. I should make one for you too! Then we can have matching ones,” he beamed, making you laugh.

“Whatever makes you happy, Jaemin.”

He took the bracelet from your hands, following the colour scheme closely so he could make one identical to yours, and you took the time to make the remaining bracelets, seeing as you only had a few left. By the time you were done, so was he, and he held it up for you to see, one hand reaching over to pull your wrist towards him, slipping the bracelet onto your wrist, smiling in content as he wore his.

“Are we all done?” he asked, earning a nod from you.

Jaemin picked the bracelets up again to count them just to be sure, he knew he wouldn’t completely be at ease until he double-checked that things were in order.

“...42, 44, 45! Nice,” he grinned. Setting the bracelets down, Jaemin leaned back on his bed, supporting his weight with his hands. “Thanks so much for helping me, by the way.”

You noticed Jaemin’s voice sounded more strained, making you recall what he told his friend previously about how his throat felt scratchy.

You shook your head, “it’s really nothing, I’m glad I could help.”

A silence fell between the both of you, making you feel a sort of tension that you couldn’t place an emotion behind, figuring you should leave before you did anything stupid, especially when you had Jaemin looking absolutely angelic just sitting there, messy hair and boyish smile, practically begging you to kiss him.

Standing up abruptly, you stretched your arms over your head, yawning slightly as your arms fell limp at your sides.

“God, my throat feels horrible,” Jaemin sighed, standing up and walking over to the desk in the room, picking up the kettle to pour a cup of water for himself.

“Are you falling sick?” You asked him.

Though you knew the answer was pretty obvious, you weren’t surprised when you saw him shake his head, “no, I mean like, there’s so many other people that are way sicker than me, I think-“ he stopped to cough, wincing from the pain. “I’ll probably get up earlier tomorrow morning with Doyoung and see if I can get some medicine for them or something,” he told you, feeling guilty under your hard gaze.

“Hey, don’t give me that look, I’ll be fine, I promise,” he opened the door for you, and you were about to step out when you turned around so you were barely inches away from him, bringing your hand up to press the back of your hand against his forehead, frowning at how he’d felt as though he was running a fever.

Jaemin gave you a reassuring smile, pulling your hand away from his forehead by your wrist, his thumb running over the beads on your bracelet.

“I’m responsible for the club members, I have to try my best to make sure they’re okay, I can’t just let my own sickness get in the way of making sure they’re okay,” he answered your unspoken question, making you sigh.

“Okay fine, but Jaemin, let me…be ‘responsible’ for you, then, alright? I’m perfectly fine, but you’re falling sick. And I know for a fact that with this attitude you’re not gonna be paying much attention to yourself,” you told him, seeing him open his mouth to speak but you shook your head.

“You don’t need any more worries,” you told him, and just like that, Jaemin started to think that maybe he should be taking Jeno’s advice, not sure when the next time he would be able to find a girl like you was gonna come along, if ever.

You noticed it too, the way how now when Jaemin was looking at you, there was something different about the way he was looking at you, it was...almost affectionate.

Jaemin nodded, squeezing your wrist gently before letting go, his hand rubbing your shoulder soothingly, “goodnight.”

The next day, while Jaemin was busy making sure the club members drank enough water or were taking their vitamins, your job was the same, making sure Jaemin was drinking enough water, getting rest on the bus and eating his vitamins, you were glad you’d realized you brought throat soothing lozenges that you’d given to Jaemin (who thought they were a Godsend).

You made a mental note of things Jaemin did or how he behaved when he was unwell, his demeanour surprisingly cute to you.

1. Jaemin didn’t mind the taste of medicine, his tastes tended to be on the extreme ends of the spectrum

After you’d given Jaemin something to drink to soothe his cough on the bus, you started to feel as though you wouldn’t mind doing this forever from the way he leant his head against the seat, looking down at you with a soft tired smile on his face, murmuring a soft ‘thank you’ to you.

You knew it wasn’t as if your actions went unnoticed, but you just didn’t expect it to be noticed by Doyoung of all people.

It was evening time when you were already at the airport departure terminal, waiting for those who had gone to the toilet to come back so you could get ready to board the plane.

“You and Jaemin seem pretty close,” your eyes widened, turning around to make sure that it was Doyoung who was talking to you.

Shrugging, you let out a nervous laugh, “uh...I guess? What makes you think that?” You glanced at Jaemin, who was currently sitting at a bench next to the big glass windows, not having the energy to stand for so long.

Doyoung almost snorted, folding his arms over his chest as he spoke, “Literally no one in the club other than you dares to do what you’ve been doing for the past few hours, much less actually have a conversation with him about community service.”

You couldn’t help the confused hum that left you. “Why? He’s so nice.”

Doyoung shrugged, a fatherly smile on his face as he glanced over at Jaemin.

“Not many people get to see that. He tends to trust very few people,” Doyoung glanced around as he spoke, giving him a distracted look, “but I guess he trusts you, from the looks of it.”

You watched as the students had started coming out from the washroom, Jaemin coming back from the big glass panes to where you were, shocking you when he’d linked arms with you, and you had to pretend you weren’t affected by it as you walked into the plane.

Jaemin looked almost disappointed to sit next to Doyoung, making the older boy agree to letting Jaemin and Seungmin swap seats (not without an eye-roll from Doyoung of course). You added to your mental list of all things Jaemin related.

2. Jaemin wasn’t used to being taken care of,

And you knew this because you could sense how shocked he was whenever you did simple things like drape his jacket over him or adjust his head so his neck wouldn’t be sore.

New findings, 3. Jaemin gets more affectionate when he is sick

You knew this when you felt his head fall onto your shoulder gently after the plane had taken off. Little did you know, this was Jaemin’s way of letting his walls down to you, finally comfortable enough around you to let himself stop being so on-edge all the time. The sight was one to behold, Jaemin with his hood draped over his head, snuggled against your side with his arms tightly hugging the small pillow they’d given, but at the same time, the both of you could so get used to how it felt.

===

The next night, when Jaemin returned home and worked on his university application, he’d started to feel the anxiousness getting to him, thoughts of what would happen to the community service club once he graduated littering his mind, together with other thoughts like how he was going to portray himself in a way the university would find worthy of accepting him, to thoughts of whether he’d done a good enough job in planning the community service trip.

Did I even do that good of a job? Half of them fell sick, so there must’ve been something wrong with the catering—

Jaemin’s thoughts were interrupted when he glanced at his phone, suddenly getting the urge to call you.

“Hello?” he found his body moving faster than his mind could process, hearing your voice on the phone.

“Hey, it’s really late. What’s up? Did something happen?” your tone was concerned, calm. Something Jaemin never knew he needed to hear as much as he was realizing he did now.

“Nothing just…wanted to check on you, see how you were doing after the trip,” Jaemin lied, his heart swelling with butterflies when he heard you laugh.

“I should be the one checking on you, I’m fine. How are you? Have you been resting?”

Jaemin hummed, “yeah…I mean, no, not really.” Jaemin wasn’t sure what was taking over him when he murmured again. “I was kind of feeling a little shitty…but honestly..I’m feeling a little better now.”

You’d assumed he was referring to his sore throat and fever, “that’s great! Make sure you drink a lot of water and sleep early, alright?”

Jaemin smiled, resting his arm on his table and leaning his head against his arm, nodding even though you couldn’t see him, “Uh-huh, I will. You’d better go to sleep too, sorry for calling you so late. Thanks,Y/N.”

You made a sound of confusion, “thanks? For what?”

“Picking up.” Jaemin hated how breathy his voice sounded, hoping he didn’t sound too whipped.

You huffed, not being able to help your smile as well, “Anytime.”

===

“Jeno, I think I’m in love,” Jaemin buried his head in his pillow, earning a groan from Jeno who had just woken up from his slumber on Jaemin’s bed.

“Dude, it’s 4am, can this discussion wait a few hours.”

“It can’t! It’s gonna be white day in a few hours! Okay, technically it’s already white day but it’s gonna be white day in school!”

Jeno sighed, sitting up on Jaemin’s bed to look at the distressed boy, “what’s stopping you?” Jeno murmured, fatigue laced in his tone, his eyes shut as he spoke to his friend.

“What if like...I have so much.......shit going on in my life that I can’t like fully give her the attention she deserves?” Jaemin’s voice lowered to a murmur, and Jeno opened his eyes, knowing that this was something that always held Jaemin back.

“Okay, why not...I give you some situations and you tell me how you would deal with it.” Jaemin nodded, sombre expression on his face as Jeno began his quick fire.

“Let’s say...what if you had a date with her and then suddenly Doyoung texts you asking for a proposal due the next morning,” knowing Jaemin’s usual reaction would be to cancel the date and finish the proposal that night.

Jaemin answered in a heartbeat, “I’d go on the date, then just stay up to rush the proposal or something. Doyoung can wait.”

Jeno’s eyes widened in surprise, “okay next, what about...um...okay! What if you had a volunteer event but it coincides with like her award ceremony or something.”

Jeno asked, recalling a similar incident when Jaemin had skipped his cousin’s award ceremony to go for a volunteer event with the club.

“She doesn’t receive awards every day, I’d go for the award ceremony,” Jeno shot him a knowing look which Jaemin promptly ignored.

“Your parents don’t like her,” Jeno shot at Jaemin, seeing the latter shake his head.

“Don’t care, it’s my girlfriend, not theirs.”

Jeno almost squealed, taking the pillow nearest to him and shoving it at Jaemin. “I’m pretty sure you already solved your dilemma for yourself.”

Jaemin sighed, knowing that Jeno was right, again.

Jaemin’s heart was at unease after that, leaving the house early to buy chocolates for you, preparing his speech in his head for when he would tell you how he felt.

You’d already figured your White day would be just as uneventful as Valentine’s Day, seeing your classmates gushing about what their boyfriends had gotten them, some even walking in with big teddy bears that they struggled to fit in their lockers. So you didn’t think much of it when Jaemin had texted you when you were in the middle of your project meeting.

Jaemin 12:31pm - hey, r u free to meet? -

You frowned, knowing your consultation wasn’t going to be ending anytime soon, but still wanting to see Jaemin nonetheless.

12:31pm - sorry :(( im in a project meeting right now, but i can meet you after school? At like 6? -

Jaemin’s reply came in quickly,

Jaemin 12:31pm - sure!! 6 at the football field -

You thought nothing of it, almost forgetting what day it was as you went about the rest of your lessons, whereas Jaemin, who was done with his lessons earlier than you were, was already waiting at the football field, starting to get restless with his chocolates and balloons, not to mention oblivious to the fact that he was drawing attention from other students because no one could believe that Na Jaemin of all people had prepared to give someone things on White day.

“Do you think she’s actually gonna show up?” Donghyuck asked from where he and the rest of the dnyl boys were sat on the bleachers.

This earned him a (harsh) nudge from Renjun, “of course she’s gonna come, she’s really nice.”

“You say it like you actually know her,” Jeno snickered, making Renjun sigh.

“I hope she comes soon so I don’t have to listen to you guys any longer.”

Lying on the fake grass of the football field, Jaemin was momentarily distracted by the pretty colours the sunset cast in the sky, not noticing that you had already showed up.

“He kind of looks like a supply crate in battleground, should we ask him to sit instead of lie down?” Jeno wondered.

Renjun let out a strangled scream, “oh my god, too late. I think she’s here.” He nudged Donghyuck, the three boys’ attention turning to the girl walking towards where Jaemin lay on the field.

You’d walked to the field, a part of you growing very amused when you spotted the balloons next to a figure lying down in the middle of the field, walking closer until you were standing over him, seeing him furrow his eyebrows before his eyes widened, sitting up quickly and almost bumping heads with you if you hadn’t moved back quick enough.

“Wow, what’s all this? Got swarmed with gifts again today?” You laughed, seeing Jaemin get up off the floor, holding the box of chocolates with the balloons tied around them in his hands.

“Um...not quite,” he murmured, a shy tint of pink making its way onto his cheeks.

“What’d you wanna meet me for?” You asked.

Jaemin had his whole speech rehearsed in his head, but it seemed as though his body thought otherwise, holding the box of chocolates out for you.

“Here,” he murmured, this time, a lot more confident than he was on Valentine’s Day.

You tilted your head at him, an amused smile playing at your lips.

“How do you think it’s going?” Jeno whispered, “she looks more amused than flattered.”

“I don’t know why you’re whispering, I could shout and he wouldn’t be able to hear me. I’m sure they’re doing fine,” Renjun shrugged.

You hummed, laughter bubbling from your lips, “is this gonna become a tradition of yours? Giving me things on special occasions?”

Jaemin pursed his lips, pretending to be in thought.

“Only if you let me,” he smiled.

Your eyes widened, unable to help yourself from the implications of his statement, making him nod at you in affirmation.

“I kinda asked you here to like...yeah, ask you if you uh...wanna like go out with me?” He asked, and you fiddled with the ribbon of the balloon, your breath suddenly getting caught in your throat.

“Like...date?”

Jaemin nodded.

“For real?” You blurted in your panic, seeing him nod again, suddenly exuding a confidence you weren’t used to.

“Yeah...like date. For real,” he smiled, bringing a hand up to run through his hair, and you couldn’t find a better reaction in you than to nod dumbly.

Jaemin smiled, pushing the balloons aside, leaning closer to you. “I really wanna kiss you right now,” he murmured, frowning.

You glanced around nervously, embarrassed that there were students watching, not wanting to kiss Jaemin in front of the school.

“Jaemin, there are people watching,” you muttered, embarrassment creeping up on you, seeing Jaemin straighten up to glance around, shooting a grin at the dnyl boys before looking back at you.

You grasped the box tighter in your hands, feeling Jaemin bring his head down so his lips were next to your ear, “I think I have a better idea.”

Reaching his hand around to grasp the strings of the balloons, he pulled them down so that the balloons would shield the both of you from view.

“May I?” He asked, his voice gentle and smooth, enough to make your head spin.

Nodding, “of course,” you huffed, closing your eyes when you felt his lips press against yours, sweetly and so, so much like Jaemin.

One of his hands went up to tuck your hair behind your ear, going to the back of your neck and grasping it gently, feeling him smile into the kiss, enough to make more excitement bubble in the pit of your stomach. Your hand going to grasp gently at his waist, your other hand going up to cup the side of his face gently, feeling him smile into the kiss when you did so.

Pulling away before you got carried away, you heard the faint sound of cheering, turning to see 3 boys sitting on the bleachers shouting what sounded like cheers for you and Jaemin.

Squatting and covering your face in embarrassment, you couldn’t help but laugh, “Jaemin! Who are they?”

Jaemin turned casually, gesturing at the bleachers with his thumb, “oh them? They’re my dnyl club members!”

“Dnyl?”

“Yeah, it’s a ‘don’t need your love’ club one of the exchange students started, something like those lonely hearts club things,” Jaemin shrugged, earning a confused hum from you.

“Why are you in the club?” You found the whole idea pretty amusing, to have someone as flirtatious as Jaemin be part of some anti-love club.

Jaemin shrugged, giving you a small smirk, “come to think of it, I won’t be needing the club meetings so much now, will I?”

===

“Woah, who gave you those?” You and Jaemin were stopped by Doyoung on your way out of school afterwards, the teacher gesturing to your balloons with his iPad.

You cupped your hand around your mouth, looking around to make sure no one was listening, “Jaemin” you whispered, earning a wide eyed look from Doyoung, who looked at the grinning Jaemin as though he’d just told Doyoung he adopted a child.

Shaking his head with a good-natured smile, Doyoung sighed wistfully, “can’t say I didn’t see it coming. Congrats on your um...whatever young people call it now,” he waved the both of you off, making you laugh.

“Thank’s Doyoung!” Jaemin called, turning to you, smiling giddily.

“What are you smiling about,” you scoffed, seeing him shake his head, linking arms with you.   Jaemin looked away to hide his blush, shaking his head as he led you out of the school, for the first time, leaving school without his mind filled with worries, instead, it was filled with thoughts of you, and oh, how Jaemin loved the way it made him feel.

“Nothing, just...happy.”

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power-of-plot · 4 years ago

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Deku comforting a friend during holidays -hcs

First of all Merry christmas!! i don't want this to be sad but i know there are some people who see holidays on a different way, either because of an incident or a situation. I hope this make you feel better if there's something going on, i wish you the best ♡. This is probably crap but i tried my best. PLUS ULTRA!

Warnings: None. Some sadness and angst. Fluff.

Holidays were different before your eyes compared to the others', there were things that happened or couldn't happen. You had learnt to live with it but there were times it was difficult to deal with your surroundings or thoughts.

The fear of reaching out for someone for what could be a lame reason was always within you, it was better to keep it inside.

That was what you always thought until times like these came, one try wouldn't be harmful.. but who would be good to talk to? Who'd certainly give you green light?

Green.. broccoli, curls, freckless- ...bingo.

You made a phonecall Izuku answered quickly, perhaps it was the tone you used or some long pauses you made? Either way he noticed something was up. His broccoli intuition was a mistery.

You meet him at a park near your house, when he was right infront of you the few words you had in mind dripped down the drain of your subconscious "You wanted to tell me something... are you okay?"

You couldn't articulate more than four words not even yourself believed "Can you hug me..?". It was more unbelievable he put no objection and wrapped his arms around you.

He rubbed your back when he felt you breathing the way someone does while crying "You don't have to say it, i'm here, i'm not leaving until you feel better". The source of his kindness was another mistery.

After some minutes of enjoying the weakness of the leak you allowed yourself to have, he heard a shaky whisper ".. Think about Todoroki... how come you're not upset i'm crying for no reason?"

Blessing of the gods mode: activated. He gently broke the hug to make eye contact. You'd break if you wrote everything he said afterwards, the lenght of his speech could make a book and your heart would swell by just remembering that schocking relief that filled every sinew, vein and bone.

"No matter how "lame" what you need to say seems to you, tell me, i'll listen no matter how long it takes you to say it or how weak you think you seem. There are people who can cope with things better than others but that doesn't make you weak! Even if it did, would it be wrong? We weren't born to go in a certain direction, to be this we call "strong", we won't be the same we are now in ten years.. that's what growing up does- it's wonderful.. including every struggle, mistake and learning, each is a one of a kind experience you'll use in the future, they'll be memories of the great progress you made in your life but to see them you have to open your eyes to the fact that you are not useless nor weak, that you do have a reason and the right to talk about how you feel.. It's not easy or fast, i can't make it happen out of the blue but.. i'll be there when that happens, i'll be here whenever you need me no matter what, as a hero and a friend.. etcera, etcera cuz this got too long-"

Ahhh i got a little carried away, this is what happens when i try pouring my heart out into something ._. . I feel like this sucks but i wanted to write it. Thanks for reading! Hope you have a wonderful day/night ♡.

#midoriya izuku #izuku x reader #mha christmas #merry christmas #mha fluff #mha comfort #deku fluff #idk what else to tag #this is crap #you are loved

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hellreads · 5 years ago

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V & Reader Characters: Kim Taehyung | V, Reader Additional Tags: Smut, Fluff, Light Angst Series: Part 2 of Effervescence

Summary:

Just like the fizz of a cola on a hot summer’s day, your encounter with Taehyung is short but sparkly sweet.

Getting married in three months, you and your girls attend Ultra Miami to cap your single life, a final hurrah of some sort. What you didn’t expect is meeting a beguiling boy with a boxy smile who gives you a festival you’ll forever reminisce.

“Ephemeral love are like flowers in valleys, but everlasting love are like mountains.” ~ Arthy V.

reading this second part of effervescence made me feel so many things but mostly sadness, despite MC and Taehyung spending a few days together it felt like a lifetime, it was like a meeting of two souls lost in this realm eventually finding each other because they were once intertwined in another life though not in this one, not anymore, because this is proof that we can’t always have the people we want in our lives, even if the feeling is mutual, even if you spend days even years together if it isn’t meant to be, it will never happen.

[SPOILERS AHEAD vv minimal, hopefully]

immersing into this one put me on a rollercoaster ride, the type of ride you wish would never end no matter how it makes you dizzy and intoxicated with every spin it puts you through, starting off with her girlfriends (to have my favorite celebrities as my BFFs here was a treat, each personality reminded me of certain roles they portrayed in dramas which was cute) bidding her goodbye to tend to their duties as they leave her to enjoy the festival on her own before she closes the chapter of her life as a single woman, because in three months she’ll be marrying “the love of her life”.

as soon as Taehyung entered the picture Aphrodite by RINI immediately played on loop in my head (the playlist/music recommendation is lovely tho *chef’s kiss* especially Lover’s Fire by Franco it’s so divine and will give you all the feels) he was a man on a mission, whipped as soon as he saw her having fun with her friends he came up to her with all the courage he mustered, it was now or never, it was an opportunity for them to get to know each other and maybe earn her affection and in return he’ll worship her, a goddess that came to him when he least expects it. I enjoyed every moment they spent together and made me forget she was getting married soon, everything felt like magic making me overlook her current situation, in my eyes and my heart they were meant to meet each other and learn a thing or two about each other and about life.

not wanting to spoil much of the beautiful moments the pair shared let me just share my thoughts about the stuff you can pick up here, first of all, let yourself get lost in the moment, do not overthink things, I know this is hard for people like me in particular because I overthink things making me lose every single second where I could’ve been enjoying stuff I might regret later but it’s better than thinking for the rest of my life of the what-ifs? secondly, age is just a number, it doesn’t matter when you’re in love, let go and let love in, the Noona romance theme here is something I enjoyed, though I think I am very much like her who'd rather fall for or date an Oppa rather than a boy years younger than me because even a year younger scares me, I have this mentality that I should date men at least a year older than me (I think the biggest age gap was seven years tho) because I always associated maturity with age and I had to learn the hard way, also, I wanna be babied so I date older men but have this need to be on top and take control, anyway age and maturity isn’t really a thing that’s my point, do not let people judge you for the age difference, you’re the one in love and committing not them, their opinions shouldn’t matter. thirdly, life can be very unfair, no, life is truly unfair letting you meet people you never thought you’d change your life drastically in so many ways, even if it means sinning for a bit... in this case do I condemn her for letting go a bit? no, even if it was technically cheating, what if Taehyung was the one for her at least in one of her lives and this was a reunion of sorts before finally moving on??? and lastly “There are some secrets that we think we're keeping, but those secrets are actually keeping us. - Frank Warren” ~ “But some secrets are too delicious not to share. - Suzanne Collins” I think these sayings about secrets explain themselves well and if you read the whole story you’ll understand them much better.

and ofc my favorite bits will be shared, I cannot stop my effervescent heart for Kim Taehyung, sigh what are the odds that she would meet a young and handsome man months before her big day, a young man full of life and energy that will change her life for a few days, I adored the way they got along so easily as if they’ve known each other for a long time, he felt like home, it’s impossible not to be whisked away, because despite MC’s honesty about her relationship and upcoming marriage it wasn’t enough for the kid to back down, he clearly wants her and that made my heart jump way too many times but also hurt because this is just temporary, he’s just temporary, he will only remain a memory of Miami, every scene felt like it was pulled from some cheesy/romantic/heartbreaking drama where the male and female lead will never be together because time said so, because circumstance said so, because fate said so, the attraction, the dancing, the drinking, the piggyback rides, the tickling, the elevator ride, the push and pull with reckless abandon giving in only if for one night, the way Taehyung made her feel affected me so much it’s more than lust, the way he wants to take her, steal her, persuade her into choosing him, I was glad it was more than one night but was it really something to be glad about when you know the end will eventually take away this borrowed precious moment? nevertheless, they made every moment count, it was just them nobody else (the smut is proof that they just let go, 0 fucks given, as much as I wanna detail everything I want you to read it without any ideas on the things he’s done to her, all I can say is he’s a very generous lover, a pleaser who pays attention to every detail *wink*wink*).

then comes the part where they had to go back to reality, back to his idol life, back to the arms of her lover, I cried during their last night where he gave up sleep just to commit to memory every single thing about her, making sure he’ll never forget (tho I wondered if he had the same images on his phone as well?) his last favor, his uncontrollable tears, his genuine question it hit me like a tonne of bricks it was a sad conversation filled with so much emotion if I could change things for them I would, but that was their goodbye, the souvenir she left reminded me so much of her girl Sunny, I also noticed the maturity of both characters and how they handle love and relationships, Taehyung is obviously youthful, full of life, would risk it all, likes people easily but I think him falling in love was genuine, does it feel rushed? maybe? but I do know he did love her even if he only met her, after all, a lot of young people fall hard and fast, MC is obviously wise beyond her years, more cautious, guarded, though it was never clear if she only said those words out of pity or not I do believe she loved or at least cared for him, he’s the boy that gave color to her life, a color she never thought would make life beautiful, a bright color she’ll carry with her for the rest of her life, she may not be wise for engaging in an ephemeral affair with the boy but she did know it was just a passing love affair and that she’ll choose Joongki over and over, the other half that makes her whole.

ahhh thank you for this wonderful piece Fringe, I know some of my thoughts/interpretations may be wild or too much but everything you write just puts me in a trance where so many thoughts surround me and I have to get all of this out, thank you for writing again, for sharing with us your works, ily! | 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

#a:fringesofsanity #t:effervescence #srt:effervescence #m:kth #g:angst #g:fluff #g:smut #au:idol #series #ao3 #🍒💣#k:oral #k:fingering #i wanted to write more about the cola the conversations the humming the tension ahhhhhhh #everything about this tore my heart in two ~ the half wants taehyung's dreams to come true and the other half wants MC to do the right thing #if i was in her place what would I do??? who could say no to Kim Taehyung? T_T ~ i might take the same route as #~ her #but it's a bad thing to keep him and still choose joongki in the end so she did the right thing the boy deserves to live and love more #she was closing her book and his just started #would I wanna know what happens next? yes but i'm scared ~ i trust all secrets will be kept but you know the tension is real when someone #knows every dirty secret you keep ~ plus i'm sure i'll hurt that he has a gf now but that's my petty side lol #also i may have missed other lessons here #anyway this is vv beautiful read the series in order *chefs kiss*#crime perfectly fits the whole story i got so hooked and played it on loop and i'm certain effervescence will always pop when i play crime

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justthatspiffy · 5 years ago

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tagged by @curtailedwhale

10 quarantine songs:

I’ve been listening to Ira Wolf and The Arcadian Wild because they’re the right mood for the accordion book I’m painting for class, but also I gave in and made a playlist. It’s not puns, mostly, it’s just The Mood.

Are you staying home from work/school?

Yes, school’s been online for about three weeks, and I’m working remotely.

If you’re staying home, who is with you?

I had the option to be alone in my apartment, but that was a bad one. I cannot express my envy for those who room with their close friends and are content to continue staying in with them. I’ve gone home, back to my Harry Potter closet.

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?

Someone who can do my goshdamn ballroom routines with me

Are you a homebody?

I used to be, and social distancing was basically my MO for like eight months after I got back surgery, but that turned out to be bad for my mental health

An event you were looking forward to that got cancelled?

The fact that I am not actually disappointed that my study abroad and summer research plans got cancelled kind of indicates that I’ve been in a pretty bad headspace. But also maybe I really am a prophet because when I was having a small breakdown in October like “ahhh what do I do with my summer oh no” the consistent spiritual impression was like “don’t worry about it” which I hated at the time and tbh am still salty about, idk

What movies have you watched recently?

Watched Lady Bird again this week, watched The Last Unicorn after my roommates went home and I was losing it, He’s Not That Into You (kind of terrible but hot dog it had a few stellar moments of fluff)

What shows are you watching?

A little Twilight Zone, a little Mentalist, a lot of YouTube

What are you reading?

Nothing, which I probably ought to remedy

What are you doing for self-care?

Getting dressed every day, going outside sometimes, angry exercising. Thought I’d sew a bunch of masks, but about 6 masks in I realized I don’t have anyone who’d take them.

I tag whoever’s in the mood

#i heard joann was taking masks #but idk where they go from there #most homemade masks hospitals don't want unless they're already overwhelmed #which ours are not #so it'd be send masks to places that can donate their medical masks to hospitals #i've just been wearing one on the rare occasion i go out #i have some books but they're all nonfiction and now is absolutely not the time for nonfiction #coronavirus

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you-andthebottlemen · 6 years ago

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56 - Request: SIDETRACK song fic

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Going against my better judgement, a verrryyyy drunk Evangeline is posting this at 4am....

I got home a couple days ago and life hasn’t been so kind to me. Aka I had ‘welcome home’ drinks with friends which turned into me crying over all the scary things going on for me right now and making everyone just watch catfish/van videos with me.....

You wouldn’t believe how many tries it took to type this without typos...anywayyyy please send me your thoughts and ENJOY!! And listen to past me below:

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Okay so I don’t think I’ve ever worked as hard or as long on a request before....I’m pretty proud of this one? I tried to draw both from the request and the lyrics and meld it all together. Ahhh I hope you all love it as much as I do!

Would honestly love some feedback on this one, so if you read it and love it or hate it or something in between, please feel free to drop me a message or an ask! I just want my writing to get better so I wanna know what works and what doesn’t etc. Just give me any and all thoughts :)

Based on this request:

A Sidetrack song fic where the reader is one of Van’s best friends (like a second Larry) and they’ve always been more than just mates... and they start to get somewhere but then Van gets the hots for another girl and he always has to visit when they tour by her house, but they fall out and the reader’s the god in the ‘if I try to talk to god and she’s forgot your name, you won’t get through’ lyric and Van realises that it’s the reader that he’s really wanted all along? [1/2] And it’s kind of angsty because the reader’s like ‘well why didn’t you have me when you had the chance’ and there’s really sad Van because he realises how dirty he did the reader but it ends with a big load of fluff? Is this a bad concept? Idk [2/2]

I hope this is everything you wanted anon, thank you sooo much for requesting <3

Also I hope you don’t mind that I wrote this from two POV’s! It seemed to make more sense to me to write a song fic from Van’s POV idk….

E x

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‘YOUR’ – reader’s POV:

Your roommates were away, you had no idea where Larry was and since Van would be late back from the studio, you felt a little lost at your own house party. It had grown way bigger than planned and you didn’t know half the people who’d shown up. You escaped to the kitchen, thinking it would be a refuge from the drunken house guests and their plus one’s. But alas, you were thrown into the deep end of drinking games. Somehow, you’d been convinced to play a round of Truth or Dare. You despised the game, well drinking games in general, but were tipsy enough already not to care. The music was loud in your ears and your whole body was buzzing.

So far you’d been lucky, relatively speaking. You pranked called your sister. You told the story of your most embarrassing sexual encounter. It was all pretty juvenile but that was okay. You just kept drinking your way through your six pack of canned ciders and enjoyed the feeling of slowly becoming intoxicated. Though through your drunken haze, you managed to spot a familiar black suede jacket and mop of sandy brown hair try and pass through the kitchen unnoticed.

“Vaaan!”

Van turned on his heels, his face lighting up when he saw you. He came over and leant on the wall beside where you were sat. You rested your head on him and he stroked your hair gently as a hello. Quickly you pulled away and introduced Van to anyone at the table he’d not already met.

“Gotten a bit mental here y/n,” he laughed, looking around him. You nodded and shrugged; not your problem right now.

“Come and play Van!” Ella interrupted, reaching out to hold his arm and batting her eyelashes at him flirtatiously.

Your stomach nauseated for a moment. She probably had a crush on him, quite a few your friends did. No one understood how you could simply be friends with Van and not head over heels in love with him. Though what people didn’t know, was that somewhere along the way you’d began to feel some very non-platonic feelings develop. This terrified you beyond belief. You were y/n and Van. Best mates. You’d seen the worst of each other and you’d seen the best, shared life experiences, grown together. You were the ‘female Larry’ apparently. You knew nothing else. And because of all this, you kept your feelings a secret, buried deep inside, too afraid of losing him.

“Nah, I was just gonna duck out for a smoke actually,” he replied, trying to worm his way out politely.

“Come on Van…I daaare you,” you replied, looking up at him mischievously.

You knew he wouldn’t be able to resist that glint in your eyes. Van took one of your cans and sat down beside you with a heavy eye roll.

Sure, maybe you and Van were a little closer than just friends at times with your cuddles or meaningless flirtations. Sometimes you even thought that just maybe, he felt the same things for you back. However, you were never sure and never confident enough to say anything. You just suffered in silence and pretended you didn’t feel whatever it was you felt.

Despite his strong dislike of drinking games, Van was actually enjoying himself. Everyone was laughing and goofing around, Van had a grin plastered to his face and you felt warm inside seeing him take part in some normality. It was good for him.

“Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Van replied confidently then took a sip of his drink.

“Van, I dare you to kiss y/n,” one of the girls said, a sly smile on her face.

Your stomach dropped and your heart seized up in your chest. No way. You didn’t want your first, or only kiss, with Van to be because of a stupid, drunken dare. You began to panic and sweat lightly. With a gulp you glanced at Van. He had a dreamy little smile on his lips. You wanted to stop playing, to back out. Though you found yourself too nervous to speak.

Everyone else at the table looked utterly thrilled at the prospect of seeing you two kiss, except Ella who wore a tiny frown.

“Alright…” Van said quietly to himself then skulled the rest of his can. “Pucker up, babe,” he winked. You just stared at him blankly.

Before you could prepare for or even think about what was happening, Van moved in and held a hand to your jaw then pressed his soft, cider flavoured lips to yours. You swore your heart stopped. After a second of shock induced stillness, you kissed him back. Hard. You heard people cheer and whistle but all you could think about was how Van’s lips were warm and his faced seemed to fit perfectly together with yours and how his hand felt cupping your cheek.

When you both pulled back for air, you met his swimming blue eyes for a moment, and both just stared into each other. It was a proper kiss, not just a peck and you didn’t know what to make of it. Van sat back into his chair and laughed as he hung an arm around the back of your chair casually. You couldn’t wrap your head around what’d just happened; you were too drunk and too dizzied by your feelings and rapid heart rate. You sat back quietly and took another gulp of cider from your half empty can, then forced a smile onto your dazed face. The rest of the game played out like a dream; you couldn’t focus and things felt blurry. Your mind was stuck on the fact that you’d just kissed Van, your best friend and it was a big fucking deal for you. Was it a big deal for him too?

Eventually you sipped water and sat out of the final rounds under the pretence you were feeling dizzy; not exactly a lie. You watched as Van completed dare after dare and listened to the occasional truth he’d have to spill. When your mate from work, Todd suggested another game, you pulled a face. Van took your hand in his under the table and without a fight, you let him lead you away out of the kitchen.

In the living room you spotted Larry playing cards on the sofa around the coffee table, wedged between the arm rest and a couple making out. Nice. Van picked up a bottle of wine from the coffee table, careful not to disturb the game. You looked at all the chaos around you; people hooking up, dancing, talking, taking photos. Some poor chap on the floor. Van placed a hand on the small of your back.

“Wanna get outta here?”

“Yes please.”

You and Van slipped away from the heart of the party and disappeared to your room. You collapsed back onto your bed with your eyes shut. Even though you were still, the alcohol in your blood made you feel as though you were actually on a boat rocking side to side.

Van shed his jacket then fiddled around with your record player but gave up when he realised the music from the living room would drown out anything he put on. He sat beside you on the bed and opened the bottle he’d brought. You sat up and he held it out to you. You took a swig then passed it back. You took it in turns with the bottle while making pointless, drunk chatter under the yellow glow of your fairy lights. All the while, the thought of kissing Van played on your mind.

When you’d had enough wine, you fell onto your back again and stared up at the ceiling. Van put the bottle on the floor then lay down, his shoulder pressed to yours. You were close enough to smell his cologne and hear his breath. You shut your eyes and Van let out a contented sigh.

“Some dare huh…” you said nervously, but your tone light-hearted.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. Van moved to lay on his side and face you, his head propped up with his arm. “You’re a good kisser,” he added.

You fluttered your eyes open and gazed up at him. He was really close now and your chest tightened once again. You didn’t know how to reply but you were sure the hot pink blush on your cheeks said it all. Van’s eyes were sparkling in the dim light, his eyelashes casting small shadows onto his cheeks. You looked at the seas of freckles dotted around his face, his gingery stubble, the shape of his pink lips. Quite simply, he looked beautiful. Van was staring at you too and he seemed to notice your eyes on his lips. The tension in the air was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. This was brand new territory for you both.

“Van I- “

Before you could finish your sentence, Van swooped in and kissed you, again. Your eyes widened in shock for a moment then you melted into the kiss. You grabbed his hair urgently in your hands and he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you as close as he could. You didn’t realise how desperate you were for this moment until you were thrown into it. You found your rhythm together and things heated up quickly. Van slipped a warm hand under your shirt, running his fingers lightly across your skin, making you shiver. You pulled away slightly and looked at him. Both of you breathed heavily.

“Is this okay?” he asked, his voice a low whisper.

You nodded and moved your hands slowly to his belt, keeping your eyes locked on his. They were still sparkling but now full of lust; it drove you mad to see him look at you that way.

“It’s not weird?” you asked.

“Not weird,” he breathed with eyes half shut, and impatiently kissed you again.

You managed to undo Van’s belt and he ripped it away, your shirt close behind. Somehow you both shed the rest of your clothing and you hardly had a moment to think about the fact you were naked in front of Van for the first time; utterly vulnerable. You were too intoxicated by both alcohol and him to care. Van pulled you beneath the sheets, skin on skin and all thoughts of the party outside or drinking games or friendship, left your minds.

……………………………..

You thought things with Van had started to get somewhere after you’d drunkenly slept together for the first time. The sex was messy, but it was intense and felt right. Furthermore, it stirred those feelings in you that you couldn’t ignore any longer. You thought maybe he reciprocated whatever it was that you had begun to feel for him. It had felt like more than just sex between friends. But it seemed you were wrong. It wasn’t too awkward at first but after a little while, Van seemed distant and distracted. Soon enough, he was off on tour again and things became even more complicated.

You spoke on the phone or facetime every so often, but it was different. This was the first time you and Van had been on the outs and it was killing you. You’d spoken to Larry briefly; all he’d said was that Van probably had the hots for some girl and his head wasn’t straight because of it, not to take it personally. But you were taking it personally and for the first time, you’d hoped that girl was you. That perhaps his behaviour was because he was struggling to come to terms with his feelings for you too.

Weeks went by and after a long period of deliberation, you decided to take the plunge and tell Van how you felt. When tour was done and he was home, you managed to get Van to commit to coming over for a drink. You heard his knock on the door, you let him in saying a shaky hello. He kissed you on the cheek and asked how you’d been. It all felt forced. Once the pleasantries were done, you decided to bite the bullet.

“Van, I know things with us have been…off lately. But I think I need to tell you…” you began, folding your hands into your lap nervously.

Van placed his drink down on the table and looked at you, his expression unreadable. You squeezed your eyes shut and exhaled before looking him dead in the eye and letting your heart spill from your mouth.

“I have feelings for you. I tried to ignore it but ever since that one night at the party I just… can’t keep pretending.”

The bombshell was dropped. It felt equally like a weight had been lifted and like you’d just made the worst decision of all time. Van sat up and ran his hands through his hair. Your heart began to pound and you felt a little faint. You couldn’t believe what you’d said, or the implications of such words. Van opened his mouth and for a moment, you thought he might just confess his feelings as well.

“Look, y/n. I…I’ve met someone.”

You blinked slowly and shook your head in disbelief. That was the last thing you expected him to respond with.

“What?”

“I knew it was a mistake for us to sleep together,” he muttered and your heart broke. “It’s messed everything up.” He looked away from you and bit his lip.

“Van, you kissed me first?! You led me on.”

You felt angry now and you fought to hold back tears.

“I was drunk y/n…. I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

“So this girl then, that’s why you’ve been so distant from me?”

“Partly, I guess. I don’t know...” Van looked down again; he knew he was being a dick.

You scoffed angrily and wiped your watery eyes. It was your own fault for reading so much into it. It was just one instance of drunken sex between friends, nothing more, clearly. You’d been wrong to cling onto any shred of hope that it had been significant. You should never have said anything.

“So, you don’t feel anything for me at all?” you asked bluntly.

“You’re my best mate…” he replied quietly.

You nodded and turned away, that was all the answer you needed. You felt devasted and it made your chest burn. Not only had you been rejected, you’d probably lost your best friend. You couldn’t shake the anger you felt towards Van for taking you to your room, kissing you, initiating things. Though how was he to know that to you, it would all mean so much more? You sighed sadly, letting the pain flood your body and slowly replace the anger. You didn’t expect him to drop everything and just be with you. But you didn’t think the conversation would go like this…

“But that’s my point… we are best mates. I know you like no one else,” you said slowly, trying to let the anger go. “Van, I should be everything you want…”

………………………………

Van’s POV

“But that’s my point… we are best mates. I know you like no one else. Van, I should be everything you want…”

I didn’t know what to say or what to do. I was frozen. Y/n was my best mate apart from Larry. Yeah, we’d had the one night of drunk sex that had made things weird. But I didn’t know she had feelings? That freaked me the fuck out. I’d never have kissed her for that dare if I’d known…I wouldn’t have led her on this way.

Her words, ‘I should be everything you want’ rang through my brain and did my head in.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated, like an absolute mug. I was standing there breaking her heart and had nothin’ to say. Christ.

I felt annoyed she’d not said anything sooner about how she felt. And annoyed at myself for having missed it all this time. Y/n let her head fall into her hands and she sniffed, holding back tears. I reached out to put a hand on her arm but she sat bolt upright and ducked away from my touch. Her eyes were all red and glassy.

“You should go Van, forget I said anything.”

“Y/n…”

“Just go Van, go back to your girl.”

Her voice was sharp and hit me like a slap in the face. Y/n stood and motioned towards the door. I was feeling frustrated, mad at the fact she’d thrown all these feelings at me and was upset she wasn’t getting the same feelings from me back.

“Fuck this. See you,” I said, my voice flat and pissed off.

I left without another word, not really sure of what the fuck just happened. I knew I was in the wrong; I could have handled this better. Talk to her sooner, tell her I’d met someone sooner. But how was I to know she had feelings for me? Besides, she didn’t exactly seem willing to talk it out. Guess I’d not given that impression either. I didn’t wanna stick around and fight about it.

Once I was outside her front gate, I let out a heavy, frustrated sigh and raised my arms so I could fold them behind my head to breathe. My mind was racing a million miles an hour and I was full of feelings I didn’t know what to do with. If I was being honest, the fact I’d met someone wasn’t the whole reason I’d been off with y/n. It was just weird after the party, awkward and I didn’t know how to act.

Ironically, the person I would talk with about what to do in this situation would be y/n. But obviously that wasn’t going to happen. I contemplated calling Larry, but he was on a night out and didn’t need the bother.

As I walked down y/n’s street to head home, I flicked through my contacts. Zina. The girl I’d met on tour, the one I’d mentioned to y/n. I couldn’t talk to her about all this, but I could talk to her. Distract myself. I checked the time in her part of the world then pushed call. I spent the rest of the walk home talking and laughing with Zina, letting the situation with y/n get flooded out of my head completely.

………………

I was used to the ‘long distance’ sort of thing by now; I was hardly ever in the same place as my friends, family, whoever I was dating. It was always hard, but it was a lifestyle you got used to, especially when the perk of it is getting to travel the world and play music. Me and Zina had hit things off in America when we last toured. She even came out to visit me back in England once. She was incredible. Me and her just bounced off each other immediately, like we’d known each other for ages. Plus, she was dead gorgeous.

I was back in America, staying at hers for a while before a press run started. I was sat on her couch, legs stretched out on the coffee table and scrolling through my phone aimlessly. I decided to log onto Instagram for the first time in what, 6 months? A year? Don’t know. I scrolled down the feed and saw a post by y/n.

My heart dropped into my stomach. I’d not seen her or spoken to her since that night at her house. We’d never not talked for this long before. Were we even still mates? Usually when I’d fall out with someone, I’d just let things go their separate ways. You go your way and I’ll go mine, you know? And that’s sort of what I’d done here too; neither of us had reached out to one another.

Y/n was smiling wide, her arms wrapped around someone I didn’t know. She looked happy but it stung and I couldn’t tell you why. Quietly, Zina sat down beside me. I quickly switched my phone off and put it down.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, handing me a cup of tea and eyeing the phone I’d slid away.

“Nothin’ babe,” I smiled and leant over to kiss her.

She kissed me back but seemed off, kind of hesitant.

“Why were you looking at that photo of y/n?”

Zina and me had been together a few months now, so I’d told her in short what happened between me and y/n. Her feelings, my lack of, now the no contact.

“I wasn’t, it just came up on Instagram or whatever,” I replied, sighing and rubbing my face with my empty hand.

“Okay…”

I sipped my tea and tucked Zina up beside me. She curled her feet under her and rested her head on my shoulder. We sat in silence for a while just letting the sun from her large glass windows hit us and soak in.

“Do you ever wish things with her had been different?” she asked.

“What? I mean yeah, I don’t like that she’s suddenly gone from my life. Aside from Larry she was my best pal.”

“I mean, do you wish you had tried things with her? Been with her?”

Being thrown this idea of an alternative option threw me off. I’d not considered it all. It was like if someone had suggested I’d date Larry. She was my best friend. She’d always been on one side of the spectrum, off limits. I’d never seen her as anything but what she always was to me.

But then again….I had slept with her that time so I guess it wasn’t the same after all. Maybe subconsciously I had seen her in a different light and so I crossed that boundary with her. Thinking about lines and boundaries made my head spin. The possibility of being in a relationship with y/n genuinely had not crossed my mind, not even when she confessed her feelings to me. It was one that made me feel an overwhelming sense of confusion. It was too much to take apart in my head so I simply pushed it away. She was my friend, like Larry.

“No. Where’s this comin’ from babe?” I asked, looking down at Zina.

She shrugged and looked away. The vibe between us felt weird now, like she was upset about something I couldn’t see. I let out a breath. Girls, Christ.

…………………

“Van, I can’t do this. I can’t be with you while clearly, you’re in love with someone else.”

Zina wiped tears from her eyes and sniffed, avoiding my gaze. My bags were packed by the door, waiting for me to pick them up and run to the taxi to get to the airport with boys. Tour was starting up again. But that could wait right now.

“What? I’m not in love with someone else,” I pleaded, pain and confusion ripping right through me. I moved closer and took her shoulders in my hands. “Please don’t do this, I love you. No one else,” I said softly.

“Stop…please. You know I love you too, but I don’t want this anymore.”

Zina pushed my hands off her and wrapped her arms around herself. Tears leaked down her cheeks and she took a step back. I felt my own eyes start to prickle.

“I don’t fuckin’ understand what you’re sayin’ Zina. Things were good with us? Are good with us. Who am I supposedly in love with?”

“Y/n.” She said bluntly. My eyes bulged and frustration bubbled up inside.

“Fuck’s sake no I’m not. How many times do we have to go through this? She was my friend. Like Larry.”

Zina rolled her eyes angrily.

“Van. You always talk about her with the guys, asking what she’s up to. You write songs about her still, I know you do. She’s always on your mind and you miss her, I get it. But I think if you stop and look a little harder, you’ll see why. You’re in love with her and you don’t even know it,” she let it all spill out of her. I stood in stunned silence at the words being thrown at me.

“It’s not your fault but I can’t keep feeling like I’m second best or just a place holder…” she sniffed, her eyes still running like taps. I wanted to wipe the tears from her cheeks, but I knew she wouldn’t let me.

“You’re not, I swear. Don’t do this,” I begged.

“I just can’t be with you anymore Van. I love you but I can’t.”

Fuck this. I moved closer and grabbed her face in my hands and kissed her. She kissed me back weakly. I could feel her tears melt onto my skin. When I pulled back, hands still on her jaw, I stared at her, thinking maybe she would change her mind. Instead all I got was silence and could see heartbreak written all over face. My hands dropped to my side in shock and defeat. I couldn’t believe it. It was really over, and I didn’t get a say.

“I’m sorry,” I said to her, feeling completely floored and not able to piece anything better together.

“Just please, make it worth it,” she replied and my face scrunched up in confusion. “Fix things with y/n.”

After a final embrace and goodbye despite my protests, I picked up my bags and left. Zina closed the door behind me and I wondered if I’d ever see her again. The taxi van pulled up shortly after and I got in without a word. I was speechless.

“You alright mate?” Larry asked.

“Yeah,” I grunted and looked out the window.

Zina was right, it wasn’t my fault. It was y/n’s. In my mind it made sense to shift the blame to her. I wasn’t in love with her. Zina had left me for no reason.

Days passed and I’d finally told Larry what happened. He kept me stocked up on smokes and whatever else to get me through. I vented my frustration on stage, thrashing about and yelling…and that helped. But I was still in bits about it. I’d lost my best friend and my girlfriend all in a matter of months and the common denominator was me. I was mad at y/n still but equally as mad at myself.

“You need to speak to y/n…just call her,” Larry said finally, fed up to the back teeth with my stroppy moods.

“She won’t wanna hear about my break up mate,” I replied, dismissing the idea. “Plus I don’t know that I really wanna talk to her anyway…”

“She cares about you Van, as much as I do. Give her some credit…”

I sighed and threw the PlayStation controller down beside me. I tipped my head back onto the couch and groaned. Larry paused the game. I rolled my head round to look at him.

“Should I really call her?”

“You gotta try and fix things man. It’s driving us all mad.”

That night after the show, I stayed back in the green room and called y/n. My palms were sweating and I had no idea what I was going to say to her, or where to even begin.

Turns out that didn’t matter; she didn’t pick up. Typical. I turned my phone off and headed outside for a smoke. I stood leaning against the wall breathing the smoke in and out slowly, contemplating everything that’d happened until the ciggie was done. When I got back on the bus Larry threw me an expecting look. I just shook my head and said nothing on the subject.

…………………

I kept trying to call y/n, but I never got through. At first I thought maybe she was just busy but quickly I realised she was ducking my calls. A move I knew well. I texted, even sent one of them Instagram messages but got nothing back. It was driving me up the wall. The anger I felt towards her started to fade away and it was replaced with a sort of panic. I’d well and truly fucked this up.

The rest of the tour dragged by slowly. All I could think of was y/n; it was like a switch had flipped in my head. I spent my days wondering what she was doing, who with. My nights were spent thinking about how things could have been different. I missed her.

In my many hours of contemplation and the many packets of ciggies I went through, it began to dawn on me that y/n was sort of…everything. She gave me direction, kept me grounded, was my voice of reason. She was like god, I looked to her for it all. She had always been there no matter what. And now she was just gone; she may as well have forgotten my name at this point.

When tour finally came to an end, I’d never been more anxious to get home. I needed to get my life back, get y/n back. The whole flight I was jittery and bouncing my leg; annoying Larry and Bondy to no end. When the plane landed, I darted off so quickly the boys lost track of me. As I raced through customs and baggage and all that, I couldn’t help but think of how y/n would always be there to meet me, holding up a card that said ‘McCann’. But this time she wasn’t.

Once I was in the back of a taxi and had given y/n’s address, I phoned her but as usual ignored and straight to voicemail. God, she had the will power of an ox. I texted saying I was home, that I needed to see her. After a few minutes, to my utter fuckin’ surprise, I saw the little text bubble pop up for a second and a response came through. I held my breath.

‘I’m going out’

‘Will you wait for me?’

‘Fine.”

I let out a shaky exhale of relief and put my phone away.

“Mate, do you reckon we can get there ASAP?” I asked the driver, trying to keep my voice normal; he didn’t know how much was on the line for me right now.

“There’s traffic so we’ll have to take the bridge,” he replied.

I thanked him and sat back, staring out the window as we drove. I thought about the night I’d last seen y/n. She’d confessed her feelings and I didn’t listen, didn’t give her a chance, didn’t try to salvage the friendship or even tell her it was okay. I panicked and responded badly. I pushed her away and did her real dirty. I was embarrassed with myself honestly. I could fix it though, I had to. She meant the absolute world to me.

I loved her. I love her.

My heart stopped for a second at the sudden realisation. Zina was right. My daft fuckin’ brain had only just made the connection. I was in love with y/n. I smiled and chuckled to myself as the feelings escaped my heart and spread through my body like wildfire. Bloody hell.

We should have been at y/n’s by now, but we weren’t. I was on the verge of just jumping out the car and running there.

“We’ve taken the quickest route,” the driver insisted.

I wasn’t convinced. We were stuck in traffic and moving dead slow. I thought about y/n waiting for me, probably pissed off at me for taking so long on top of everything else.

“Okay 5, five minutes,” the driver said eventually, looking at me in the rear-view mirror. He could probably tell how impatient I was getting.

When we drove up y/n’s street I was sure I was going to have a heart attack. I’d never been like this over a girl before. But to be fair, it wasn’t just any girl. It was y/n, my best friend. My absolute fucking goddess.

I paid the driver and grabbed my bags. As I walked up her drive, y/n’s words ‘I should be everything you want’ came back to mind. She was everything I wanted and needed and I’d been too blind to see it before now.

………………………

‘Your’ POV

Van crashed through your front door, dropping his bags to the ground in the hallway. He almost went to hug you, but you took a step back. He seemed breathless and his face fell when you moved away from him.

“Y/n…” he said.

The sound of his voice made you feel weak; you’d missed him beyond anything. The last few months had been torture, with ignoring Van and trying to forget your feelings. Though despite everything they only grew stronger. But you swallowed the tears and remembered why you were in this situation to begin with.

“Why did you need to see me?” you asked bluntly.

“Can we sit?”

“Come into the kitchen.”

You didn’t want Van getting comfortable, it would be too easy to just let him back in and fall back under his spell. Standing either side of the kitchen counter opposite each other, you both waited for the other to speak first.

“Thank you for waitin’,” Van said and you shrugged.

Your curiosity had gotten the better of you. You’d been able to ignore Van’s calls and messages while he was away, just. But when he said he was home…you couldn’t hold back anymore. Your heart ached for him as much as you wished it didn’t. You missed your best friend, in fact, you were completely in love with him.

You raked your eyes over Van. He’d not changed physically but he looked like he’d been through hell. His eyes had soft bags under them, his hair was greasy and his eyes looked wild. You wondered what had been going on for him the last few months. You knew he’d been seeing someone but anything beyond that you had no clue as you’d avoided the rest of the boys almost as fiercely as you’d avoided Van, not wanting any reminder of it all.

“Y/n…I’m sorry, I’m so fuckin’ sorry.”

You looked at Van with stone cold eyes.

“Me and Zina broke up and-“

“Oh, so because you’re all alone now you come crawling back to me?” you snapped.

The nerve he had. You felt taken for granted as a friend, your feelings for him aside.

“No, shit….no. It just made me realise that I’d made a mistake. I need you y/n.”

You heart pounded at his words. Part of you felt outrageously angry and other part felt like you could break down into tears at any moment and just throw yourself into his arms. You shut your eyes and exhaled to calm yourself.

“You said we’d messed everything up. You shut me down and I don’t know…we fell out. I don’t know if this can be fixed. I can’t just forget all that because you ‘need me’ again.”

Van walked over to your side of the counter and stood in front of you. He tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. You could tell he was genuinely sorry and that he’d felt all the backlash he needed without you pushing him away further. But you just couldn’t see how things could ever go back to the way they were.

“Please y/n”.

“Van, I never expected you to drop everything and be with me. I just needed to tell you how I felt and work through it. You’re my best friend, I needed you to be there for me. You just immediately told me you’d met someone? Besides, you led me on, but that doesn’t matter. You showed me your true colours and it fucking hurt.”

You let the honest truth come out, he needed to hear it. You’d had plenty of time to reflect on how you felt about it all and it felt good to finally get it off your chest. Van looked distraught.

“Trust me if I’d known you had feelings for me, I never would have done that stupid dare…never would have slept with you…There’s so many things I should have said and done different. I’m so, so sorry. I can’t change it now but please let me fix it?” His voice was quiet and whiny, broken in a way you’d never heard. He was being sincere.

You kept silent and looked away, no idea what to do or say. You knew he wasn’t at fault for some of it, he wasn’t to know how you felt. You should have been honest with him before it all led to that night. But you couldn’t shake the resentment you felt towards him for all that followed. Van seemed to take the silence as a rejection and pushed his hair back like he did when he was stressed or nervous.

“Y/n… I love you. Okay? I’m in love with you.”

Your eyes bulged and your jaw dropped in absolute bewilderment.

“What?!” you all but shouted.

“It’s you, I want you. I think I have all along,” he replied quietly, not blinking.

“Are you joking?”

Van’s facial expression melded into one of confusion.

“Well why didn’t you have me when you had the chance?” you asked.

“I didn’t know I felt this way back then and look I’m here now, as soon as I could get here to tell you,” he reasoned.

Van dropped to his knees in front of you and gently took your hands in his. His touch made your skin light up. He looked sad and desperate. The tears had begun to seep out of your eyes and you couldn’t wipe them away so they trickled down your cheeks uncomfortably.

“You have to believe me y/n. I love you and I will make it up to you. You’re my best friend.”

Your gut wrenched. Van was begging you. Seeing him like this only made your heart scream at you louder. You melted down to your knees in front of him and took his face in your hands. Fuck it.

“I love you too, Van.”

His eyes lit up and his mouth opened slightly.

“You do?”

“Of course, you idiot,” you sniffed and chuckled through the tears.

Van pulled you into him and you threw your arms around his neck. You held each other tightly for a long while, collapsed on the floor and folded together. You cried into his neck and he rubbed your back, letting you get it all out. It felt so good to be back in his arms and have the weight of missing him lifted from your shoulders. You didn’t want to let him go; it felt like he was holding all your broken bits together.

As you untangled yourself from him and wiped your face, Van stared at you. He reached out and gently moved the sweaty, tear stained strands of hair from your forehead. Your eyes latched onto his and you were overwhelmed with love. It was almost all too much to believe.

When Van finally kissed you, it felt like all the hurt and all the shit that had happened between you dissipated. It was you and him, together again and as unbreakable as ever.

…………………………………

“Oi, move over,” you grumbled at Van.

He was spread out in your bed like a starfish, taking up all the space.

“Nope,” he grinned.

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t contain the smile. Van looked so cute; his hair messy from drying overnight and all bundled up in your duvet. After you placed the fresh mugs of tea down on your bedside table you wiggled in to fit beside him. Once you were under the covers, Van snaked his arms around your middle and pulled you tight against his naked body. Your head was against his chest and you kissed his collarbones.

“Bed day today?” he asked as he crept his hands under your shirt, his voice low and sleepy.

“I’d love that,” you replied happily.

Life in love with your best friend was amazing. Things had slowly been patched up between you and Van, you’d been able to bridge the gap between best friends and relationship well. You still teased each other as much as ever, still had each other’s backs. Only now you got to kiss, have sex and say I love you also; it was perfect.

After a few hours of on and off napping, making out and watching youtube videos in bed, it was time to get up and get ready for your friends to come around. Van sat smoking out of your open window and watched as you put on your makeup, genuinely interested in how it all worked. He was so cute like that.

Larry arrived early to help with the barbeque. He and Van smoked on the patio while it heated up, talking about whatever it was they talked about when you weren’t around. Maybe even you? You watched from the kitchen window as they laughed and bickered between themselves. You’d all come so far since being the spotty, unruly teenagers you were when you’d first met. You never would have guessed you’d end up with Van at all. You weren’t sure if your seventeen-year-old self would be impressed or grossed out by it.

When they gave you the signal it was ready, you carried out the food to be cooked. Once you placed it down, Van slung his arm around your waist and pulled you in for a kiss.

“I’m never gonna get used to this,” Larry laughed looking between you two.

“Me either,” you and Van said at the same time. You burst out laughing and kissed again, giddy with love for one another.

After dinner, once the music had been turned up and the bottles of spirits brought out, everyone sat around in the living room.

“We should play a drinking game…” Todd proposed, and you rolled your eyes. Some things never changed.

“Yeah. How about Truth or Dare?” Van suggested smugly, his eyes meeting yours.

“No need. You can just kiss me now, don’t need a dare to do it,” you grinned and grabbed Van by the chin before planting a heavy kiss on his lips.

Maybe drinking games weren’t so bad after all?

#Catfish and the Bottlemen #catfish and the bottlemen fanfiction #van #catb #van mccann #van mccann fanfiction #catfish and the bottlemen song fic #van mccann fan fiction #larry lau

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