#ah yes give em the ol'

[xazse]

Hiiii!! ｡⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠｡

I just wanna see say that first of all that I LOVE UR works! I literally SCREAM when I see ur works they're so good!!!! 🫶🫶🫶

Anyways I wanna share my thoughts with you if that's fine (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

I just watched a cute cat video with a tom cat meeting his kittens for the first time and I just thought what if it was Tiger hybrid!Sukuna meeting his cub, Yuji! (With a tiger hybrid reader too)

At first he'd be like growling and looking annoyed at the sight of Yuji cause I heard that's how usually male tigers respond to their offsprings (and they usually don't help raise or look after cubs), maybe pushing him away too (but not enough to hurt cause he somewhat cares kinda). But over time he starts getting attached to little cub, mainly cause reader forces Tiger hybrid!Sukuna to spend time with their cub. And he'd act annoyed but deep down he actually bonds with the little cub, ah its so cute!

(btw not forcing u to write or anything just sharing my recent hyper fixations (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡)

No the Peakness in this needs to be studied, sorry I haven’t been uploading I’ve been in a block so I hope y’all enjoy this! Thanks for leaving the request!!! Just something sweet and short to tide you lovelies over. PLUS THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS SO SWEET!!

Warnings: Tigerhybrid!Sukuna + TigerHybrid!Yuji + Tigerhybrid!Reader + baby!yuji + big ol tiger family + not proofread

“Kuna stop it!”

“You’re scaring him with your loud growling, stop it.”

“He isn’t scared stop overthinking it, plus I’ve already told you I don’t want em near me.”

For such a huge scary Tiger like Sukuna he sure was giving off childish energy right now. Everytime little Yuji crawls to get close he’s pushed back right where he started. He doesn’t even seem to care that he’s growling and clearly not happy.

He’s so distracted and infatuated with Sukunas tail that flows back and forth, greedy little eyes looking for something to bite probably.

“I wish you’d stop treating him like a stranger he’s our baby.” You cross your arms and go to pick up Yuji, he eagerly has his chubby little arms out for you to coddle him, how can Sukuna just not find him so adoreable?

A loud huff of air comes out of him his tail whisking angrily behind him, you see the glint of sweet in his pupils it’s just a facade he needs help getting over.

And getting over it will happen.

It starts with baby steps at first, you pretending to need to make Yuji a bottle before he gets fussy, so you quickly plop him in Sukunas lap, he has no time to process or tell you to get him. He has no choice but to let Yuji curiously grab all over his face.

Sukuna thinks Yuji is too soft to be his, he should at least have a backbone at his age but he mainly blames you, you’re far too kind for someone of his own species, Tigers are meant to be fierce but he isn’t getting a hint of that from either of you.

Sukuna is holding Yuji awkwardly, arms outstretched and holding him in the air away from his body. The cutie is babbling and giggling about nonsense. Sukuna pulls him in a little bit closer and he immediately starts sucking on his cheek, encasing the whole thing, Sukuna is quick to act disgusted and pull him away.

You come shortly back with the bottle and also plop it down in his lap.

“No”

“Yes.”

“Kuna, please I’m extremely tired and need a quick break.”

You flash him your sweetest eyes and even pull your fluffy ears backwards, you really strike his heart everytime you do that so he grumbly obliges to watch Yuji.

Whilst you’re in the room he begins feeding Yuji, everytime he so much as rests his arm Yuji is whining for the bottle.

“Can’t even move an inch can I?” He straightens up and fixes himself. Sukuna can’t help but poke at his little inflated cheeks, filled with warm milk he looks so content gobbling it up.

He really looks like him even has the same patterned tail and tiny fluffy ears.

When he finishes the bottle he isn’t sure what to do besides letting Yuji relax on his chest and watch something, the baby Tiger is slowly drifting off his soft coos slowly fading.

This is okay just for a little, only until you rest up, he won’t have his wife walking around tired then he’ll throw the brat back in your lap.

But that doesn’t happen, it’s becoming an everyday thing where he feeds Yuji then they both drift off on the couch, it’s like this over and over.

Sukuna finds himself searching for Yuji in your arms then taking him to do the most random tasks with him laid awkwardly on his side. He still doesn’t know how to hold his own son properly but you’re so ecstatic.

You catch Sukuna helping Yuji build his building blocks up, then when Yuji knocks them down and is about to cry he’ll quickly build the tower back up in reassurance. You can see his tail swirl around when Yuji looks up to his daddy to help him.

On nights where Yuji is crying out for you, you’d usually get up to go comfort him but it’s Sukuna who jumps up faster than you to go tend to him. The room goes quiet within 10 minutes.

Sukuna won’t say it out loud but baby Yuji is starting to grow on him!!<33

[changelingsandothernonsense]

The people need to know where Josh would and wouldn't jerk it

Hello!!! I'm dying for a Josh attitude laugh so without further ado, Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst places to jork it in Skyrim Province. If this does well then he might write a list about Morrowind and or Cyrodiil. Under a cut for being very NSFT

The Best of the Worst!

10. Best My room at Severin Manor.

Yeah, obvious I know! But you tell me that your house isn't probably the best place to jerk it without worry... I just gotta remember to lock the damn door... or not. Fuck um... Ah...I guess this would also go for my room at the Netch. I do remember to lock that door. I have some standards!

10. Worst The Gray Quarter

Why I don't fucking want to jerk it here? One, it's fucking freezing, which is already a turn-off. Two, it's a fucking slum where the walls are made of paper and everyone in the whole district can hear you. Do you hear that Malthyr?! I can fucking hear you!!! You're not that fucking appealing! I'm soft now! 9. Best The counter top of Sadri's Used Wares

Yes I know it's fucking crass, but who're you talking to? It's fucking funny to look my now wife's ex in the eye after I've done it too an he has no fucking idea! Yeah fuck you too dude, clean-up on isle seven. I am a jealous, petty mer but I am atleast aware of it. 9. Worst Morthal

It's a vampire infected swamp! Who the fuck decided to build a town in a cold, wet marsh!? I want their number, I got words for 'em an I'm not gonna be pleasant. Like I'm minding my business in whatever excuse for an inn they have there an this chick just sits herself on my lap like I was asking for it. Corruption sees corruption you know- she knew what I was an I her. Flaccid for a good few days after that near miss so there was no opportunity to jerk off anyway. You know how fucking hard it is to get clean yourself in water taken from a swamp? Give Morthal a skip unless you're into swamp vampires. 8. Best When in Riften

Sydari drags me to Riften fairly often to check on "business". Said "business" is in a secret hidey hole in the sewer an naturally I'm not allowed down in the super secret hideout. That's fine- it's fine! Anyway I get her house to myself a lot of the time (unless her ex husband has decided to ruin my day). Honeyside has it all, a lake I can swim in, a bath, a workshop I can tinker in... Look I may have chosen specifically to come in Brand-Shei's bathrobe after he broke my nose out of spite an I don't apologise for doing it. Fucking heir to House Telvanni? Bastard wouldn't even qualify to lick the guar shit from Neloth's shoe! Um...what was I talking about? Oh right-

8. Worst The Thieve's Hidey Hole

The cistern smells exactly like you'd think it does. Think about how Riften smells like stagnant canal fish water and stale piss. Now turn that up to ten an you have the fucking Cistern! No I'm not meant to be down there an yes I did follow Sydari down there once when I was bored. The guild can have it. I'm not jerking it here. It stinks! 7. Best A Jarl's Throne

This is more a fetish of mine idk I just think it's fucking funny to break into a throne room, rub one out on the great big chair an fucking leave without anyone noticing. Ultimate power move in the face of a self-congratulatory bastard who got that seat through an accident of birth. Taking them down a peg turns me the fuck on an I'm not gonna apologise for it! No I haven't jerked off on Ulfric's throne yet but that stupid fuck in Falkreath had a fun morning! 7. Worst The sulphur flats of Eastmarch

If it's not Hircine worshiping witches with a goat head fetish then it's dragons or wolves or Stormcloaks. It smells like the ass end of Red Mountain (also not a recommended place to jerk off). Look, there was one time ol' Sanguine got in touch with me whilst I was with my girlfriend an we kinda ended up in a weird marriage pact with a hagraven. It's not sexy I can assure you. There's just a fuck tonne of beasties that could ruin your me-time. It's just not worth your time. Also there's a group of Ashlanders that follow Ulath-Pal that have set up camp there an they kinda want the head of the Urshilaku Ashkhan...and I like my neck the way it is. Having said that.

6. Best The Eldergleam Sanctuary.

But TELDRRYYNNN you whine! That's a place of worship! You complain. Hey! Hey! Who are you talking to? I do not give a fuck! Look Sydari an I camped there an we had a huge fight over me being me. I left an found me a secluded little corner by a waterfall. Had a pretty rainbow and everything. I was actually relaxed for once an things just kinda went that way. It's a nice place to get yourself off... Spriggans not withstanding. Do not tell the Dragonborn that I'm the reason for everyone in that sanctuary being chased out by angry Spriggans, kay? No I haven't learnt anything from this an I'd do it again simply because of the above-mentioned thing about how defiling a place of power getting me off.

6. Worst Candlehearth Hall

I'm not allowed in here. None of us Dunmer are allowed in here! It's in Windhelm so I'm not really inclined to stick about yeah? Like sure I could ruin something but the atmosphere here just makes me painfully soft so... I'll piss in that cunt's stew though! 5. Best Any Temple of Talos

Because of the irony. BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING IRONY! 5. Worst. Bandit Camps

The temptation's there, I get it. You've cleared out a camp full of second rate idiots and you've pilfered their treasures. You're fucking tired an maybe you found their drug stash...usually you've found their drug stash an you're all prepped to pass out after blowing your load in the chief's bed. Take a second to think because I sure as fuck didn't an now I got another scar on my ass!

That was some real post-nut clarity right there! 4. Best Markarth's Dwemer Museum

Look the whole reason Calcelmo an that fetching nephew of his even have a museum is because of my research. The guy had my favourite sword an dagger in a case which like I appreciate the Crescent was in good hands an all but like also they're mine. It's all mine...I have a possession problem I guess. No I haven't rubbed one out here yet but fuck...my mind is so fucking warped! Like I would! I want to. FUCK!

4. Worst Wolfskull Cave

A cave near Solitude, seemingly inconspicuous and you might be tempted to take some time to yourself, yeah? Guess again. First thing you're gonna notice about this cave is that it smells like rot. That's your first sign it's probably not a great place to whip your dick out. Secondly you're gonna find the place is crawling with undead and fucking necromancers! Look, I'm not the best around anything dead an walkin. I avoid burials like the plague. I'm fucking terrified of it! I spent the whole time trying not to lose my cool in there. I spent all night trying not to freak the fuck out. Last thing I was doing was playing with myself.

Oh look, top three! I'm surprised you've made it this far in my guide to jerking it across Skyrim. I guess I should throw in some special mentions, DO jerk off as close to the Thalmor Embassy as you can. It's hot to make those stiffs angry and I know they wish they could taste me. DO NOT jerk off in the Blue Palace coz you will get caught and they will put you in a dungeon. Don't go in their dungeon I'm serious! Also don't try both in one night because you're drunk and lonely. It doesn't end well. Anyway... 3. Best The beach near Nchardak

I have a small camp set up on the beach near the ruins. Spent a fuck tonne of time there when I was "working" with Neloth on the puzzle locks there. It's where I used to go when I'd had enough of Neloth's bullshit. So naturally I've found myself cranking one out after a long day of researching. There's something oddly romantic about it. The sound of the Sea of Ghosts lapping at the ash covered sand, the beauty of the aurora overhead an no one to fucking bother me! I ah...I don't like bedclothes so the solitude lets me relax and just take care of shit. 3. Worst Tel Mithryn

Do you know how unsexy a giant fucking mushroom is? Why do you think most Telvanni Wizards are older than Vivec's left nut? No one wants to fuck in mushroom stink! It's like I'm smelling dirt an that's bothering the fuck out of me as I'm tugging an it's just ruining my mood! That an I think Neloth jush knows when I'm doing it and sends his dumb fuck apprentice over to offer me Canis Root Tea.

You can see how this is a problem right? It's fucking torture! Why do you think I just set up a yurt on the beach? My poor dick hurt!

2. Best Blackreach

Yes, there's Falmer an Animunculi an wisps an all that but I think you are well aware of how much I feel at ease over things that are pretty. Blackreach has everything that makes me happy. Dwemer ruins, things for me to belt the shit out of, clean water, GLOW. You stop me from whipping it out here? 2. Worst High Hrothgar

You know, I was tossing up between this an like the top of the mountain coz both have the same problems. One, it's colder than anything I can describe. Even inside the building there's fucking frost! You can light all the fires you want and the place is still fucking freezing! I gotta wear actual underwear when I'm here on top of all the other layers I gotta wear just to not feel like I'm about to die of hypothermia! Do you know how much I hate wearing underwear? Do you know how fucking uncomfortable thermal underclothes are? Even if I wanted to rub out a quick one, an believe me I have on multiple occasions, I'd have to fish my cock out from all the layers an he's hiding something fierce! Then you've got all those stuffy old men who haven't gotten off since I was still mortal watching me like they know my dick still works. Mothballs, old man stink, cold, dark walls with ice coating the door. I mean I can and have fucked here, I'm pretty sure this is where my daughter was conceived so like that's saving it from the number one spot. It's just I'd rather be anywhere else! 1. Best Sky Haven Temple

I hate the Blades. I hate what they represent. I hate that they still think they can boss around people in the name of an Empire that died long ago. I hate how they speak to my now wife an I hate that they expect me to lead them given my old position in the organisation. One- I have never wanted anything to do with the Blades. My membership was part of my prision sentence. Two- I killed my superiour out of revenge for my Corprus infection an I have zero regrets about it. They still think I owe them something. I don't! So why is it at the top of my list? Well, I'm fucking the Dragonborn aren't I? No one's gonna kick me out without her following me. Look I knew it would end with us leaving but I just could not help myself. It's the whole throne room thing again. I legitimatly get off on this shit! An fuck me was this one of the best solo nuts of my life! I don't care if Delphine has to clean the War Room. That's my territory now! 1. Worst Apocrypha

The question of "Can you jerk off in Oblivion?" isn't one that comes up often... unless you're me of course. I've done a good ninety year stint in Revelry. It's possible if the relm's set up for pleasure. Mora's house? That guy's missing his section on erotica. Yeah I know there's something to be said for all the oily tenticles if you're into that kinda thing. I'm not. I'm really not into it. You'd think I would be, given my love of knowlage an all that but FUCK! I've never felt so sick in my life! No, I have but that's not important. Why you don't want to jerk off in Hermaeus Mora's house? Simple. It smells like fish and rotting books! I'm not a guy who'll fuck just anywhere an that also goes for fucking myself. The place is disorientatiting at the best of times, the floor moves under your feel an there's strange Daedra behind every corner. I got taken by Sydari's predecessor whom I accedently released whilst I was looking for her an yeah...kinda got stuck there for gods know how long! I was mad at the end of it, took me far too long to recover after I'd been pulled out of there. I missed my daughter's first steps, her first words. It was a fucking nightmare the likes that only the Sharmat would conceive- no, no Voryn actually tried to get me off so... Look, you don't want to even set foot in Libraryland, let alone whip your dick out and rub one out whilst you're lost there. Unless you're partual to having it morph into one of those tenticle things before your eyes. Unless you're into that kinda thing, I ain't judging.

I am judging...

Anyway that's it um...Why was I talking about this again?

[nekrosmos]

*burst into your room through your window* hi- *coughs glass shards out* I am here to say MANY things, positive things about your fic you wrote, but honestly it's more like my live reaction and my fav parts of the fic, it's gonna be long!!!! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND READING ME YAP!!!

First of all, ∞/10, this is your first fic??? IT'S SO GOOD!! you got the atmosphere the vulnerability the softness the banter AND the good ol smut down, I love it, it was like I was joining them in the fishing trip because of how nice the visual was

ok from here on out it's all about my fav parts of the fic HEHE

the two had aged together is!!!!!!so!!!!!!!!freaking!!!!!!sWEET!!!!!they've been through it all together for the longest time!!!!!!

something about this just makes me change the way Im looking at Price, like..."he just love her" is such a deceivingly simple line but it holds so much weight. He may have "love" him but it was never a full attachment, rather just...embracing the love he was offered. He loved her because he could, not because of...everything el1se that matters. At least that's how I see it and GOD it hurts so good

ah hem AKSJDHAKS how did Nik not choke on air for that- anyways

Im getting my pitchfork for that CO (even tho the bastard is not around anymore) and the way Nik also got him?! *wails*

"there had been a lifetime of missed opportunities between the two" IS SUCH A GOOOOODDD LINEEEE GRRGGR YOUR BRAIN!!

🥺something about them giggling and being themselves just GRIPS MY HEART!!!!

it's the fact that the "friend" turned to "love" that got me feral I was SOOOO KASJHDKADJ hAPPY for em

chef au....

Nik the mAN YOU ARE!!! THE REST I COULD LIVE WITH!!!!GRRR!!! SUCH GOOD LINE!!! HIS NIK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was walking when I read this part and basically fist the air in victory KASJHDKAJH also I love the train of thought here for Price...it's such a him thing to overthink

there is nothing wrong with that - URGH RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

again, another great line, frame this and smack it to my forehead because yes, that is Nik

I really really like in between the spicy scenes there are goofy scenes because...my god it just make everything lighter and more...how to say? real. In the moment and all, yk, it's so nice reading them laughing and stuff. But also this line "their romantic relationship wasn't born today, but weeks ago" again, chef kiss

very long ramble and Im surprised im allowed to type this much into an ask (ah heck it could get cut for all I know but) just know this fic was a lifesaver during my lunch break, had an extremely hard day and this helped a bunch.

Im looking forward to see your future fics if you do write them!!

Okay I'm officially smiling like an idiot and I think I'm gonna have to reread your ask many, many times because HOLY SHIT you just made me so unbelievably happy ​😭​😭​❤️​❤️​❤️​

It was my first fic with them !! I've been writing for a long time, switched to english a few years ago and have been writing casually ever since ,,,, But this was the longest fic I've ever posted and it was a nice challenge honestly !!

Also the way you pointed out some of your favorite scenes jdvlskjd,vpùidjvbpvj I'm losing my mind, I'm so happy ​😭​ I literally couldn't ask for better feedback !!!

I actually really like your interpretation of that line about his ex wife !! I left it pretty open so people can hc whatever they want :3c In my personal hc, he really did love her immensely, but he kept hurting her unintentionally by never being around, never giving her what she needed because of his work, etc. ​Just one of those "it wasn't meant to be" relationships. (Also, other random hc, but Nik was here at Price's wedding, he got along really well with his ex wife, but everything about it broke his fucking heart over and over again. Oops 💔)

And I'm so glad you pointed out the banters during the smut scene !! It's my favorite thing to do honestly !! To me, sex scenes don't have to be so serious all the time, I like when characters communicate while it's happening, I like when they're laughing together <3 And these two have so much shared history that it just makes sense to me !!

God, again, thank you so much for this, you really did just make my day Gomz !!!! You're absolutely lovely !!

[tea-potato-gt]

Big Boys lines that make my G/t brain go 🧠*Brrrrr*🧠

Big Boys (SNL Skit) Lyrics

[Intro: Keke Palmer, Ego Nwodim, Cecily Strong & Punkie Johnson] Winter has arrived, y'all Temperature's droppin' And you know what that means It's cuffin' season That time of year when we find a man to keep us warm through these cold months But not just any man will do That's right, we out here lookin' for some big boys

[Chorus: SZA & Punkie Johnson] It's cuffin' season And now we've got a reason To get a big boy, I need a big boy Give me a big boy (Big, b-big, b-big, big boy) It's cuffin' season And all the girls are leavin' To get a big boy (Big boy), I need a big boy (Big boy) I want a big boy

[Verse 1: Keke Palmer] I need a big boy w-wit' polar bear arms Keeps me warm in a winter snowstorm Wind chill is bitin' but his jacket's unzipped He bring in my groceries in just one trip

[Verse 2: Ego Nwodim] Till the sun comes back, I need a big boy hottie Makes his own heat with his big boy body For the next three months, skinny boys is dead Forget a six-pack, I need the whole damn keg

[Verse 3: Punkie Johnson] Big boy w-with a big ole back A California king, refrigerator stacked With steaks on steaks on steaks on steaks on steaks Bu-bu-butter, bacon, cheese, and lasagna in the tray

[Verse 4: Cecily Strong] Need an enormous man with an enormous stand Feeds me snacks with his enormous hands And I hope he asks me to be his winter-wife 'Cause messin' with a big boy will change your life

[Chorus: SZA] It's cuffin' season And all the girls be needin' I need a big boy, I want a big boy Give me a big boy

[Verse 5: Ego Nwodim] I need a big boy body, like a bouncer Big mouth-breather and legs like a monster Get in the bed and he gonna do me right And when we all done he gonna snore all night And then he stops Hey, babe Did this man just die?

[Verse 6: Keke Palmer & Cecily Strong] Anything I need, my big boy got it If I need a snack, he got Snickers in his pocket Big warm hoodie, yeah, you know I'm gonna rock it And if we gon' travel, you know he gon' put me in first-class 'cause he don't fit in the back

[Bridge: Punkie Johnson & Keke Palmer] Hey, big boys (Ah, ah) Go big boys (Ah, ah) Hey, big boys (Ah, ah) I like 'em big boys (Ah, ah) Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, PunkieI thought you only liked girls I love girls, but they can't keep me warm I wanna be the little-spoon sometimes It's like this

[Verse 7: Punkie Johnson] I been mannin' up the whole year Taking care of kids and wife I mow the lawn, take out the trash You don't think that I be tired? All I do is work and stress and I could use a big boy so I could just relax He need to have them love-handles in the front and in the back And, yes, I want 'em three layers like McDonald's BigMacs But if we talkin' girls, yo, I like my women big and it don't matter what the season Like 'em thick all year, yeah, yeah

[Chorus: SZA] It's cuffin' season And now we got a reason To get a big boy, I want a big boy Give me a big, big, big boy

[Outro: Kenan Thompson & Saturday Night Live] We out here, ladies We the reason for the season These bears don't hibernate in the winter You know where to find us We'll be shovelin' snow in shorts Big, b-big, b-big boys

[joeyschick]

Chapter 1- Joe Cool 😎

Joe

I danced a little gig as I walked into my penthouse apartment carrying a case of beer.

As most of you probably know, I am Joe Burrow, rookie quarterback for the Cincinnati Bengals.

Who Dey!🧡🖤

Anyway, if you have kept up with me at all you probably know that this season has been rough for me starting out.

I mean, today we got our FIRST freakin’ win of the season against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

And it is week 4. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Folks ,as you know , I had an undefeated season and a natty Championship win during my last year at LSU,

So, needless to say, losing is not in my vocabulary and most definitely something I am not used to

AT ALL. 🥴

But what can I say? It was bound to happen because I had been warned that during my rookie NFL season I would probably take my fair share of lumps.

Just call me Mr.Lumpy. 😂🤦🏻‍♂️

Anywho, moving on.

I have other issues at the current moment.

I rubbed my swollen jaw.

Yes I said swollen jaw.

Yes, I got sacked a few times during the game but that has nothing to do with the swelling of my jaw.

I was interviewed by the lovely,vivacious Linsie Wellington after the game.

Ah,miss Linzie.

The most respected sports announcer in Florida.

And the hottest.🔥❤😜😎

I mean,dayum. Boys, the woman is smoking.

I'm so damn sorry but when a woman looks like that I just gotta say something.

Okay, so normally Miss Hottie(I mean,Linzie ) is an announcer but tonight she did an interview.

An interview with yours truly. (Pops collar)

So.....anyway......when she was finished asking me all those beloved things an interviewer asks.....I just couldn't stand it anymore. I just had to say something.

And this is what I said.

I gave that black haired bombshell my million dollar sultry smile and said this little piece right here.

"Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy." 😉

Yeah, yeah, crazy pick up line,I know.

But hey it works.

A lot.😎

And boy would I like to drive this woman crazy. 😍

I think miss Linzie liked it just a little.

Ah,hell who am I kidding? I KNOW she liked it.

I saw her blushing.😎

However, there was someone who didn't like it.

That someone was her boyfriend. 🥴😎

Damn, that man can swing a fist.

Hell,I didn't know she had a boyfriend.

Or did I?

😂😂😂😂😂ahem

So there you have it,folks. The story of my freakin bruised jaw.

What can I say?

I'm a hot mess.😎

I sighed as I dragged myself to my fridge and pulled out a beer.

Ahhhhh....smooth as hell. Already made me forget about my damn messed up jaw.

I know I shouldn't be drinking but hell, we freakin' won today!

A man's gotta celebrate.

Yeehaw!

Anyway........twelve to fifteen beers later, I'm pretty sure I was on the verge of passing out.

Just as I leaned back on my huge designer couch and shut my eyes,my doorbell rang

Awww hell no!

I groaned and I stood up with my head absolutely swimming,and trudged over to the door.

How I made it without falling on my ass i will never know.

Anyway.....when I opened the door....there stood a girl with bleach blonde hair and a skirt on up to her rear end.

Mmmmm......mama mia😍

And no, I don't have a damn clue what her name is .

She's a chick I met at the bar the other night.

I'm pretty sure I've already had at least one round of wild and crazy sex with her.

Or was that her sister?😎

Hell, who am I kidding? I probably had em both.

"Hey stud.....good game today." The woman said,batting her eyelashes at me.

"Thanks" I said,smirking and winking.

"I think we should...ya know.....have a little fun ."She said,with a wink.

"Hell yeah" I said,smirking.

The next thing I knew we were in the floor,heavily making out.

I am a worn out ol boy but I am NEVER too tired for some poontang.😎

So....with that being said.....scram...ya filthy animals! 😎

However,please do visit tomorrow.

I'm sure I shall have a ton of things to talk about if ya know what I mean.😎

Song of the chapter -Just A Gigolo by David Lee Roth

Hey guys! I know this is definitely a different Joe than we are used to seeing but hey, I find this side of Joey B rather hot 🥵 myself.

As I’ve said, this is my story from Wattpad but I will be changing it slightly.

Thanks so much for reading!

Will update soon!

Much love,

Leslie ❤️

[oiladgivememoney99]

NSP Rewrite, Humans, Refuted

Cory yawned as he stumbled into the briefing room of his team’s quarters, everyone having already gotten there before him. Including Triana who had called the meeting.

“Finally, there you are Private,” Triana sighed as the man entered the room.

“The best for last!” Cory laughed, no one else did. “What did you call us here for?”

“Well first off; we have gained a new Private in this task force,” Triana motioned towards a young man with short, orange hair. “Johnson, introduce yourself,”

“Hi everyone, this is uh… my first mission, so I’m a little nervous,”

“Ah you’ll be fiiiine… probably,” Scott reassured as he patted the man on the shoulder.

“I give him one day,” Nikole whispered to Cory.

“Oh, don’t be such a nihilist,”

“Thank you Johnson; now second off is we have a new misson,” Triana cleared her throat. “Evidence of instances of SCP-3199 have been reported within rural Ireland. These creatures can prove incredibly hard to contain if allowed to reproduce, we’ll have to move quick,” Triana said as she prepared to leave the room to the helipad on the roof. “I’ll explain more on the ride there,”

Speaking of the ride there it was… pretty uneventful, just Triana explaining that these things laid eggs like crazy, and other boring stuff that nearly made Cory fall asleep; though a small nudge from Hooper kept him up.

“Th-This thing sounds really dangerous,” Johnson mumbled.

“Most of everything we contain is; we do this so no one else has to, remember that Private,” Triana stared the ginger man down.

“I will ma’am!” He saluted as the helicopter landed in a nice green field.

Triana tapped the headset on her head. “Bluejay, general direction of the farm that reported the Skip?”

Everyone’s headset beeped and Lara spoke. “A couple kilometres north, shouldn’t be too long to get there,”

“Great, follow me all of you,”

The crew wandered, Johnson a little more shakily than the rest.

“Hey New Guy!” Cory greeted, the ginger turned to look at him.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Don’t worry too much about your first mission, LT likes to overhype the danger of things so that we don’t good off,” Cory explained.

“Not really,” Hooper butted in. “These things are still pretty damn dangerous,”

“I-I know, I’ll do my best,”

“Good to hear, you’d be better than Cory anyways,” Hooper chuckled.

“Hey! I haven’t fallen asleep during a briefing in like… one whole week!”

“Only cause I woke ya up,”

“You two, quit fighting like a married couple, we’re here,” Triana snapped her fingers. Cory felt his face get a touch warm (from embarrassment, duh,) as his argument was interrupted. Nikole smirked as the crew stopped outside of a rinky dink wooden farmhouse.

“S-Sorry ma’am!” Hooper apologised.

An old man, probably the farmer who owned the house walked out and greeted the agents.

“Good day youse, heard ye were gonna come help me with this ol monster problem,”

Cory squinted as the man spoke barely understandable English, Triana cleared her throat.

“Yes sir, that’s what we’re here for. Where did you first see this ‘Monster?’”

“Aye, ran straight into me chicken coop boy, started screamin’ as it ate ‘em alive!” The Irishman waved his hands around. “Then it headed off into the wilderness as I waved me shotgun around at it, the cowardly shitstain!”

“We understand your frustration, sir, thank you for your time,” The rest of the crew nodded as they prepared to leave for the wilderness.

“Aye thank you boy, ‘specially since yer not makin’ me pay a cent for this,”

“So, how long are we gonna be wandering this uh… bumfuck nowhere?” Nikole both asked and complained in one sentence.

“Until we find any-” Triana was interrupted by footsteps, not exactly human footsteps, but not different enough to be some wild animal.

“Detecting multiple instances of SCP-3199 in the nearby area,” Lara called out over the radio, sounding like she had turned pale. “Stay safe,”

“We will,” Triana reassured. “Let’s split into groups of three. Cory and Hooper, you two are coming with me,”

“Yes ma’am,” Hooper saluted.

“Sure thing LT,”

“Good, we’ll be searching around this area, the rest of you will set up point defense here, am I understood?”

“Y-Yeah!” Johnson said as the other two nodded.

“Great, I don’t want any screwups, especially from you, Sergeant,” The Lieutenant scowled.

“I haven’t even done anything ya Drone…” Nikole grumbled under her breath. “Sure thing, Boss,”

“Good, let’s get moving team!” She ordered as Her group walked into the wilderness ahead…

“Ugh… this is gonna get boring,” Nikole complained.

“Oh come on, boring point defence is better than scary deathy point defence,” Scott chuckled as he set up some barriers. “Johnson, help me set up these barriers.

“Ah, sure things Sir!” Johnson quickly ran over to help set up the defences in the… well point they were defending.

“Don’t be all formal and junk, dude, just call me Scott,” The unironic frosted tips haver smiled “What’s your first name anyway?”

“Oh uh, sorry… it’s Mark,”

“Nice to meetcha, Mark!” Scott shakes the Private’s hand. “That whiney old dog is Nikole,”

“I’m only 38!” Nikole argued as she took a swig from her flask. “The smoking just makes my hair grey is all,”

“Didn’t deny the whining,” Scott chuckled, Johnson did too…

“East,” Lara called over the radio, guiding the three MTF that had elected to search for the Skips.

“So uh… what do these things do anyway?” Cory asked as he followed the Lieutenant Eastwards.

“They vomit acid and lay eggs like crazy, if we don’t deal with them now they could spread all throughout the local area,” Triana warned. “Don’t goof off on this mission, Cory,”

“I wasn’t gonna…” Cory mumbled.

“Are we gonna be destroyin’ these eggs, LT?”

“Yes, I have Cyro grenades on me to prevent the eggs from hatching, they become vulnerable under extremely low temperatures,” Triana explained.

“Are we-”

“Yes we’re transporting them,” Triana interrupted the Private. “It’ll be fine as long as we don’t screw u-”

Something skittered through the grass, multiple somethings in fact; multiple human sized somethings if we’re being specific.

“Shit,” Triana tapped her headset. “Calling reinforcements 30 clicks East, defensive positions, multiple instances of- agh!”

Triana, Cory and Hooper all ducked behind a nearby tree as the creature spat a glob of acid at them. Cory managed to get a good look at the creature: Huge hairless pale creatures, with fat bodies and chicken like arms, their mouths were melted making their gums visible.

“Oh Jeez,” Cory whispered.

“Johnson and Kaminski are heading to your location now,” Lara announced. “They’ll be there soon,”

“Alright, we’ve been instructed to terminate these things on sight,”

“Got it,” Johnson affirmed.

“How many exactly are in the area, Bluejay?”

“Three-”

Lara was interrupted by one of the creature screaming, no screeching in utter agony as a red acid poured out of its mouth.

“Soon to be four if we don’t deal with them fast,” Triana said. “We fire on them the instant reinforcements get here, got it?”

“Yes ma’am!” Cory and Hooper saluted.

Johnson and Nikole got there not soon after she said that, Nikole wielding her revolver and Johnson wielding a shotgun.

The three creatures looked over at the duo as Triana’s group jumped from behind the tree.

They rained hell on the creatures, managing to take down two near instantly before-

“AGHHH!” Johnson screamed as a glob of acid melted his arm, he fell straight to the ground; Cory ran over to go help him.

“Cory! What the hell are you doing?” Triana ducked behind the tree as she fired upon the last couple Skips

“Johnson? C’mon get up buddy you’re gonna make it,” Cory tried to reassure as he rapidly looked around to see-

The bloodied creature, riddled with holes looking right down at him; Cory froze as the thing slowly opened its gaping mouth, pouring out.

THUNK

Cory felt himself weakly being pushed to the ground, the acid vomit completely missed him and hit Johnson instead, right in the chest.

“J-Johnson?”

BANG

Johnson blew the things chest clean out, then instantly collapsed to the floor; a grimacing, pained smile on his face as he bled out.

“Johnson?”

There was nothing coming from the ginger man anymore. The rest of the crew all looked over at the half melted body, most looked with sorrow or confusion; Cory looked with grief, he felt tears begin to prick in the corner of his lens.

“A-Alright team, I’ll call the helicopter and we’ll take these eggs to the nearest site,” Triana said, quieter than usual.

“That’d be…” Cory didn’t bother to finish.

Cory sat in the lounge of his barracks alongside the rest of hiis team, hours after the team had gotten home from their mission. He stared into space thinking about Johnson… about how he had failed.

“Alright, it took me awhile, but I managed to get everything set up,” Triana announced as she walked out from a door, probably leading to a spare room.

“Set up what?” Cory asked.

“We like to hold funerals for the people we’ve lost in this unit, The Foundation doesn’t hold any official funeral services of its own,” Triana explained.

“Oh that’s… sucky,” Cory looked down.

“How many of these have ya held?” Hooper asked.

“Too many, heh,” Scott nervously laughed.

Lara stayed silent alongside Nikole who took a swig from her flask.

Everyone followed Triana into the spare room, within it was a podium with a framed picture of Johnson’s face, candles were lit next to it.

Triana went up to the podium first.

“Y’know I always think I’m prepared for these, but then you set up the picture and… I’m already… nevermind,” Triana cleared her throat. “We didn’t have Johnson in our team for very long, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’ve all lost a man today. As the Lieutenant of this task force I sometimes fall into the habit of viewing people as assets, not well… people, but then someone dies, dies under my watch and it all comes to me,”

Scott went up next.

“Johnson was a good kid, just wanting to make his superiors proud; I think we’re all like him in a way y’know?” The big guy cleared his throat. “I think the best way we can remember him is by being proud of all he did for this whole team,”

Then Lara.

“I… suck at these,” Lara sighed. “None of us really knew Johnson very well, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t honour his memory, what little of it we- I shouldn’t say that,”

“It’s alright, Lara,” Triana smiled.

“Thanks Tri,”

Cory felt his breathing get heavier and heavier as Hooper walked up to the podium.

“We lost not only a good asset today, but a good man too. Johnson gave everythin’ for us, and the best we can do is remember him,”

Cory felt the air get heavy, he couldn’t take it, he couldn’t fucking take it he had failed Johnson and that was that.

He ran as fast as he good, he didn’t deserve to be at the funeral of the person he failed.

“Huh, guess it got too much for him,” Triana said, the whole team was looking at the door that Cory had ran out of.

“Stay here y’all,” I’ll deal with it,” Hooper walked out the same door.

Cory sat on his bed, head in his hands as he thought about how many people he had failed: Uni, Cooper… and now Johnson, probably a whole host of other people too, he really was the biggest failure of all tim-

“Hey Cory,” The soft voice of Hooper pierced Cory’s thoughts. “You alright?”

“Huh? Hey Hooper…” The blonde mumbled. “I… I failed Johnson today, if I had just gone in front of him he would’ve-”

“He pushed ya to the ground for a reason, Cory,” Hooper sat down next to the Camera Faced Man. “He was givin’ his life for ya,”

“I- I know I just don’t understand wh-”

“I don’t understand it neither, alls I know is that givin’ your life for your fellow man,” Hooper looked up at the roof for a minute. “That’s just about the best thing any man can do, ya gotta appreciate someone willing to do that,”

“I… yeah, yeah I do,” Cory smiled. “Thanks Hooper,”

“Anythin’ for a friend, Cory,”

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

Hello bestie I come bearing BIRDS

🕊️🦤🦩

also obligatory 🦃 because he Haunts and Vexes me

tumblr just deleted my entire response so im going to walk into the sea? ANYWAY. kissing u on the mouth for these birds. and rip @ your turkey stalker.

🕊️ a sweet quote (something sweet, fluffy! maybe it's cute or funny banter! or sappy wedding vows!)

Trent was a warm, comforting weight, partly curled into Ted’s side and partly lying on top of him, face buried in his chest and hair everywhere. Seeing the usually so cool and collected reporter all disheveled and loose and relaxed was—

Well, it was privilege. And if Ted thought he looked kinda cute, curled up like this, hair askew, that was his business.

Anyway, it was… nice. Trent was breathing deep and even, and Ted could feel himself relaxing, too.

local idiots STILL not together more at 10

🦤 a quote you had to delete :( (but still wanna share!)

this one might be saved but it's looking like probably not so! close enough!

“I have had numerous drag personas,” said Beard, leaning back in his chair. “Some of whom are now legally dead.” “What the fuck does that mean,” said Roy.

🦩dealer's choice (choose any quote at all! or the summary / ao3 tags thing! whatever! wild card!)

Ted continues to stare, eyebrows scrunched together, and then after a moment, he says, “Trent.” He takes a breath, head tilting slightly like he’s trying to think of a gentler way to say this, and then he gives up and says, “That’s pretty fucked up. And I’m real sorry that happened to you.”

trent: haha anyway that's a story from my childhood ted, staring with abject horror: trent: what

ah, Autism Childhood Experiences... gotta love em.

🦃 a big, meaty quote (JUST A BIG OL PARAGRAPH YOU WANNA SHARE)

Ted nodded to himself, throat dry, chest tight. “Uh, right,” he said. “Well. I’ve said my piece.”

He turned to go, not trusting his face not to give him away, and said, managing to keep his voice steady, “I suppose I should—”

“Wait,” Trent said, finally breaking the silence, but it was his tone that made Ted stop in his tracks. It was almost a gasp, genuinely desperate. Not polite, or pitying, or reluctant—almost ripped from his throat with its sincerity.

Ted turned to look at him only to see—a most unexpected sight.

Trent Crimm was blushing. He was actually blushing.

“I—you. Um. Yes,” he said, stumbling over his words.

Ted blinked. “What was that, there?” he said.

“A date,” Trent blurted out. “You didn’t actually—ask? I. Yes. A date.”

Ted raised his eyebrows, but something was dawning: Trent may not have been shocked and upset.

“Are you saying yes to a question I haven’t asked?” he said. There was hope, now, in his heart, but he also couldn’t resist teasing a little.

“…yes,” said Trent, a little sheepish. And then... “You could—you could save me the embarrassment and ask, you know.”

“I dunno,” said Ted, tapping his chin faux-thoughtfully. “I’m kind of enjoying this.”

Trent’s blush deepened.

[ikkaku-of-heart]

@miskatonicfolly​ asked: 🎥

Send 🎥 for a random scene of my muse’s life (No longer accepting)

Rubbing sleep out of her eyes, a seven-year-old Ikkaku plodded down the creaking wooden steps from the second floor of the cottage into the kitchen. She’d only woken up once last night, which was a record for her. She’d thought she’d heard shouting and a loud bang, but when she’d gotten up to peer outside her bedroom window, all she’d seen was darkness and fog. Well, it was still better than her usual nightmares about the woods and spiders and rats in the walls. Maybe the cat Gramps had got for the lighthouse was doing his job warding away evil, even if he was a grumpy thing.

There was commotion in the kitchen, and Ikkaku tentatively poked her head around the doorway to find her grandfather whistling a jaunty tune as he fussed over whatever he was cooking on the stove. He must have heard her footsteps because he quickly looked over his shoulder and gave her a smile. “Mornin’ lass! Sleep well?”

“Uh, yeah, good enough,” she said shyly, taking a seat at the old wooden table. Ikkaku still wasn’t used to cheerful greetings in the morning. Wasn’t used to anyone being happy to see her, really. Yes, Gramps had always been the exception to everyone else on the island, but even he hadn’t been kind and welcoming for the past year. He’d been too deep in mourning over Arashi’s death. But he was…happier now, she supposed. Ikkaku wondered what had changed.

Tomasu nodded before scowling at the smoke that had begun rising out of the frying pan. Damn it, third blueberry pancake he’d burned so far. He’d fended for himself for twenty years – surely cooking breakfast for his precious granddaughter shouldn’t be so hard! “Good, good. Nothin’ woke ya during the night, did it?”

“Well…I thought I heard a bang, but I guess it was just my imagination,” she confessed, nose wrinkling a bit at the smell of burnt batter.

Giving up on the pancake, Tomasu set aside the mangled pastry for Neptune to chow down on later. The giant dog was busy patrolling the coastline, making sure the bodies they’d dumped over the cliffs last night didn’t wash in with the tides. The old sailor planned on taking Ikkaku beach combing later and the last thing she needed to see were limbs only half-eaten by the sharks. “Ah, that was just me. There was uh…a bear got close to the lighthouse. Fired a shot to scare it off.”

“Bears come up here?” she asked, surprised. She thought the black bears lived closer to the orchards around Bangor Crater near the opposite side of the island.

Giving up on cooking and instead throwing together a bowl of blueberries and cream for Ikkaku’s breakfast, Tomasu quickly replied, “There’s one bear that still haunts me, lass. A demon polar bear lookin’ for revenge!” A blatant lie – that beast had died decades ago and had been no real demon. Just a bear who’d eaten a fruit that had cursed him with the ability to hate. But it was still better than the truth.

Those damn fanatics had tried to sneak in and kidnap Ikkaku again. Third time since she’d come to live with him. Tomasu couldn’t believe the Joras had undergone such an overwhelming industrial revolution with leaps and bounds in technology, but still clung to the backwards belief that killing an innocent child would solve all their problems.

Dark eyes went wide as Ikkaku gasped. “There’s a demon polar bear after you?” she asked, voice fearful.

“Aye, but don’t ya worry, sweetheart,” Tomasu reassured her, placing the bowl in front of her and dropping a kiss to her forehead. “This ol’ sea dog too ‘em down once, and I’ll do it again t’ keep ya safe.”

“Keep…me safe?” she asked tentatively, eyeing her grandfather with disbelief. No one wanted to keep her safe. She was a cursed child. Spawn of the Old Ones. She should have died in the womb, not her brother. Everyone said so. Everyone knew so.

Everyone but Gramps, apparently.

A large, warm, calloused hand ruffled her curls, and Ikkaku looked up to find her grandfather smiling down at her reassuringly. “Yeah. Don’t listen t’ what the crackpots back in town tell ya, lass; I’ve sailed the Grand Line and most of the North Blue and ya know what? Yer the most precious treasure I’ve laid my eyes on.”

“I am?”

His smile widened behind his bushy beard, and Ikkaku found her heart swelling with an emotion she hadn’t felt since her grandmother’s death. “More precious than a mountain full o’ silver! Now, eat yer breakfast – I’m gonna need yer help settin’ up some bear traps later.”

[xxcharixardxx]

Prophet Dan Quotes pt 5

"May the divine light watch over ya, lad."

"Keep yer wits about ya. Or the darkness will consume yer soul."

"Lord of Light, let my soul be one with yours in this moment, let my fists be yours as I purge evil wherever it festers."

"If I was yer kid, mom, I'd call child services on ya!"

"Come on! Shit or get off the pot!"

"Give thanks to the light! For all obstacles are put forth by him!"

"Hm? What's that Father? *laughs* You're right! It is like a carnival ride ! I f*ckin love it! WOO!"

"I'm gonna drown these bastards in their own blood!"

"You probably deserved it! REPENT!"

"See! This is what happens when you don't follow the light!"

"This must be their sacred worshippin' hole... We should shit in it *laughs*"

"Through this holy annointin' at the light and his mercy, helped you with the grace of the holy spirit. May the lord who frees you from sin, save you and raise you up. This is the light who takes away the sins of the world; Happy are those who are called to his supper."

"As wax melts before the fire, the wicked perish before the light!"

"The light can only prepare you for so much; The rest is up to you."

"My torment is relentless, my torment is a test. My torment is a testament of my strength, my strength is a reflection of my devotion, and my devotion is purely to the light."

"Ah? Yes, father, I'll sing it for ya. *clears throat* 🎶We are one with infinity, we are one with eternity, we are one with the stars in the sky, we are one with the birds that fly, but we are not one with those 🎶*stops singing* F*CKIN' FOUL CREATURES! "

"Another follower for me flock!"

"We can't get in from this side-- Oi! I'm tellin em, Father! He says we gotta go around :/"

"Orders from above!" "Don't waste the lights gift!"

"I'm not here to take over yer dirty prison. *thinks* Then again... Nah... Too dirty. Just show me the exit and I'll be on my way."

"Why do I exist? It is a question that many ask-- Well, I says 'Because I f*ckin' allow it! That's why."

"This is what happens when darkness consumes the light..."

"I thank thee, Light, for granting me yer sight. I may be blind in one eye, but not third eye blind. For I see all! Nothing and everything. All at once."

"I'll never forget the night those f*ckin' devils slaughtered me people, and hauled off the rest. It's tattooed on my brain. Have faith knowing I won't rest until I put all those F*CKIN bastards in the F*CKIN ground! I swears it!"

"Maybe we should say a little prayer-- Dear father, please help us figure out this stupid shite. Amen."

"Uh, huh? What? Say that again? *To the father* Ah aye aye, The fatherly light says, 'They're all dead'!"

"We can't give up now, we just gotta have faith. HAVE FAITH!"

"Light guide me! Guide me to the righteous path-- The righteous path laden with your glory ! Your glory that shines bright as I smash in all those f*ckin bastards heads!"

"Behold the lights plentiful bounty of death!"

"Time to cut off some devilish d*cks."

"What are you lookin' at?!"

"Serving the light with me and I shall reward you with a title of the highest order-- Honorary Guide of the Danian Movement. You do well to cherish it, for it is an honor bestowed ONLY to select few."

"Patch me clothes, patch meself. :)"

"Use your minds eye to find it! *sighs* That is if you got one, get what ya need and make yer peace with it."

"Mom! Yer a tough ol' bird, but you should patch yerself up."

"All ears 😏" "May the undying light watch over us."

"You want a blessing? Come here! And I'll grant ya powers SO great *lowers voice* you'll crush skulls in the palm of yer hand. Come here. And I'll share my great sight so that you may see the world as I do."

[shions-new-blog-of-stuff]

26. "Poison" (DND OC)

No one was sure how a snake got on board the ship, but even after catching it and disposing of it, the snake had bitten a few passengers.

Pleroma enters the sick bay, seeing the ship's doctor -- a female gnome, hard at work making antidotes.

The gnome looks up, "Oh no, you too lass? Ye might need to take a number."

Pleroma looks over at the patients in bed. They look wracked with pain. She looks back at the doctor.

"I can help, if you'd let me," Pleroma says, "I'm trained in medicine."

The doctor nods, "This is an emergency, agh, I'll tell th' captain later. What's important now is gettin' these folks back to health."

Pleroma sits at the bedside of a little boy, struggling to sleep. She gently placed her hands on his face and concentrated. Her hands briefly glow with an aura of soft yellow light.

The little boy opens his eyes, looking surprised and relieved at the same time.

"...ooh...it doesn't hurt anymore..." he says, "... thank you, miss..."

Before the boy goes to sleep, he asks, "...my Mommy is over there...can you help my mommy..."

The gnome doctor looks on in shock, "Lass! Wh' kinda sorcery is 'at? I know the mystic arts when I see 'em, but..."

"Well...it's a long story..." Pleroma admits.

"Ah, well, tell me later lass! Stick around why don't ye, you'll save me some supplies you do!"

Pleroma treats each patient one by one, all of them going to recover much faster.

"Impressive! Ya know I could use an extra hand aroun' here," the doctor says patting Pleroma's arm.

"That's a nice offer, ma'am," Pleroma replies, "But I'm on a mission for my guild. Missing persons."

"Ah! An adventurer are ye? I shoulda known. It's fine. But when ye need a job, you give ol' Sarah Sparklegem a call, eh?" the doctor proclaims pointing to herself.

Pleroma nods, smiling warmly.

@mishwanders @baldursbasics

[solarianradiance]

The Caravan rolled it’s way along the road, back to the Corwin’s farm and there the Kindred found a sight most Grim.

Goblins. Everywhere. Dead ones specifically, while many of the bodies were intact, a large number of the corpses were missing limbs, guts strung about and some bodies were just mangled beyond reconition.

“Oh Good Lord the stench!” Commented Monique. “What the Heck happened?”

“Goblin Raid, obviously.” Said Dixon, almost giving into being sarcastic. He scanned the farm as he brought the Wagon to a stop near the House. While there was a bit of damage and blood all over the place, nothing too serious save for a broken window or two. But he had greater concerns than property damage. “CHARLOTTE!!!” He screamed.

There was no reply, which sent a mild chill of worry down the Patriarchs spine. “JIMMOK! CHARLOTTE!!!”

“WAT?!” Screamed a shrill annoyed voice of the Orc, putting Dixon at ease as she came out of the House, glancing around to spot the source of her annoyance. “Oh you’re back. Good. See you brought some friends wid-ya.” She then sniffed the air deeply. “Tha’ who I think it is?”

“Aaaay, Charlotte!” Cried Jebidiah. “Been a couple years! Brought ya a fe-”

“Got fatter I see.” She said, planting the seed of mild annoyance in Jeb. “What were they feedin ya in the land of the higher n’ mighter than the Northerners? Pig slop? Or were ye jus’ being lazy and rode the wagon ere’where like usual?”

Her words conjured up a ping of embarrassment cutting deep into Jeb. “See the ole Nanny ain’ uh… ain’ changed one bit. Here I was hoping ya did.”

Charlotte spat on the ground and gestured around the area. “Forgive me fer not greetin ya in mah prettiest dress then, oh lord’a’tha’manor! Case ya’ hadn’ noticed, we had some uninvited guests!” She said, her words thick with syrupy venomous sarcasm.

“Cut the crap Charlotte, what happened!? Jimmok okay? Dogs? Livestock?”

“Luv ya’ too Boss boy!” She said with a playful smirk.

“Oh hush, we all know you’d be the one to survive anything!” Monique countered.

“Like I said, uninvited guests!” Charlotte began as she approached the Wagons. “Gobs ‘ttacked bout an hour ago. Swarmed the farm they did, hundreds of em!”

“Hundreds?!” Asked Phoebe, bargining in on the conversation. “How!? Was it a Warband?”

“Nah, far more than a mere war party. Musta been the whole clan of the bastards.” Answered the old Orcish Woman. “Saw plenty of lil Goblets among em, hangin near them extra thicc Goblette sows far from the fightin. Most of em steered clear of the foightin as they done rushed cross the fields like piglets runnin from Wulves.”

“Which means one’o you didn’ do ya checks properly this morning and let one them wards go weak!” Dixon scolded Bonnie and Pheobe.

“That can’t be!” Protested Bonnie. “We double checked every post, just as you ordered!”

Dixon wanted to reprimand her for her back talk, but trusted her judgment. Charlotte spoke again before he could.

“Nah, they didn’ care ‘bout the Wards.” The elderly lady commented. “They were lookin fer the weakest point n’plowin thorugh it, sprogs in tow n’everythin. Didn’ stop em!”

“Damn!” Said Jeb. “Must’ve been fleein from somethin scary if they took grit and went through them wards!”

A sudden rumble of footsteps could be heard. “Zat who I think it is?!” Bellowed the voice of Jimmok the Ogre as he stepped around the house. When he saw Jeb he grinned and came even closer. “IT IS!! HAHA! HOW YA DOIN LIL BOSS!?”

“Jimmy Jim Jim Jimmy Jimmok!” Cried out Jebidiah as she made his own way towards the towering Ogre.

The two embraced eachother in a great hug, Jimmok was still far larger, Jeb wasn’t as nearly as Dwarfed as someone such as Josiah Dixon would be. In fact, Jebediah looked like a dark skinned smaller reflection of Jimmok, but wearing Orange and far less bloody.

“Ows mah lil buddy been?” Asked he Ogre as he tightened his hug a little in a bid of familial affection, but not too much, knowing full well that even the like of Jeb would be crushed like a berry. “Ah, seems like ya got bigger since I last saw you!”

“Hah, I ain’t any talla since I last saw ya!”

Jimmok let his dear friend. “I know! I meant you seemed to be a bit wider!” He then poked Jeb in the belly with his finger.

“I could say the same to you!” Jeb chuckled as he jabbed the Mini-Behemoth in the gut, something Ogre barely felt. “Been eatin three hawgs a day ‘stead’a’two?”

“Eh, tryin to cut back lately, so I only eats a few dozen Sheeps instead!” While the joke wasn’t very funny and they both knew it, the two laughed heartily anyways, all because they were happy to enough to be in each others company again.

“S’good to see you bein in good health old buddy… even if you got… things sticking outta you.” Jeb gestured to the spears and arrows sticking inside the Ogre’s body, namely his back. “The Hell happen to you?”

“Kinda obvious they gave me a hard time. Kept shootin at me, thinkin they could get through muh skin… guess they never fought the likes o’me huh? Kinda easy bein big as a barn as I is!”

“Sure looks like you gave these suckers plenty cause to know they made an error.” Dixon added.

“Did ya have’ta be so damn messy though!?” Monique asked with a bit of anger. “Look at all this gore! Looks like a Fox got in the chicken coop!”

“Heh, I think m’self more as a Coyote than a Fox.” Grinned the Orcess as she stroked her knife as she observed her work as a pleased craftswoman.

“Oh God, quit actin like a Butcher!” Monique moaned in dramatic frustration at the Orcs Sadism. “I dunno sugar, always seems like an apt title for my ole’ Nanny.” Dixon countered.

“That it is Josie~” Agreed Charlotte, pleased with her old charges approval.

“EEEWWW!!” Exclaimed a plethora of young girls in unison.

“Good Heavens what the bloody, bloody, bloody Hell happened out here?!” Yelled Kentucky.

“Yeah, we done walked into a slaughterhouse by the looks of it.” Missouri stated, a fact most obvious.

“Zat all y’all were shootin at earlier? Buncha Gobs?” Asked Arkansas, her question peppered with sour disappointment. She was expecting something a bit more interesting than glorified pests.

“Told ya!” Tenny said with confidence and a snort as she rubbed her nose. “Should trust yer nose more!”

“All we could smell was the fancy flower perfume stuff in the wagon ya dumb fool, you know that?”

Tenny took her now empty sack of chips and started filling I with bits of Goblins. “Maybe if ya stopped sniffin around-”

“TENNY WHAT ARE YA DOIN?!” Yelled Monique, startling the Raccoon girl.

“T-taken these Gob-guts fer later!” Tenny stuttered, shaken by her Mothers anger.

“Well stop it! S’disgustin n filthy!” Spat the irrate Matriarch.

“But it’ll go to waste! Gob-guts makes good bait n’ string!” Tenny begged.

“Shes’ roight!” Added Charlotte, still holding a pleased grin. “Makes good bait it does! ‘Tracts plenty of prey that way! Raptor in particular!” Charlotte was partially right, but she was mostly teasing, as the smell of blood attracted most any predator, but kept prey away, especially other Goblins in this case..

“S’all the reason to cease your encouragin! NOW STOP IT!!” Demanded the Mother. But Tenny ignored her and kept taking handfuls of Goblin bits and innards, a mistake Monique would not let go unpunished. “Oh no you don’t.” She then swiftly untied her boot and stood up on the wagon to take aim. Tenny then realized her error too late as she tried to bolt for cover from her Mothers wrath only to feel it upon the back of her head from a hard ‘thwack’ as the boot landed on the back of her skull, knocking the little rascal fact first into the dirt, nearly knocking her unconcious.

“NOW BRING IT BACK!” Monique ordered.

The sisters around her giggled, partially out of how funny it looked and partially out of stressful empathy. They too all felt their mothers wrath that way a few times. Though to be honest, the boot was a sign of mercy, if she was angry, really angry, she would use the belt, that was traumatic.

But if things got particularly bad, their Father would step in and use the belt, or worse, give a flogging. Thankfully, such a punishment was only used four times on the farm, twice on Phoebe, once on Louisiana, once on Dixie and Arkansas. Everytime before that was always on Virginia, and that was when she was a Hellraiser on the Plantation.

The only punishment that would be on the table would be a lashing with a whip and it was never used. But it was considered when Virginia broke an old ancestral statue in a tantrum. Father went and got the Overseer to get the his whip so he could do the lashing himself, but Monique stopped him and argued it down to a flogging by Monique instead at the time. She was 9 years old when it happened and that was all that saved her from getting permanent scars to remind her of her intentional act of destruction.

Bonnie got a share of her punishments, as did Georgia, especially by their Grandparents and occasionally the Elderly slaves with little better to do than looks after the children, but Virginia was as viscous and spiteful as a Proud Cat and would take nothing but the most stinging of punishments lying down. Even belting her across the face would have only spur her on at times like it was some sort of challenge to her own authority.

Thankfully, those days seem mostly gone and it’s just getting a boot to the head, something their mother would occasionally remind the girls that if they displease her too much, she has it in her will, they will each receive one at the reading of it by the Lawyer.

“Said bring it back dammit! Not lay there!” Monique demanded again.

Tenny picked herself up off the ground, rubbing her coony colored scalp, hoping a knot didn’t form. She picked up the boot and proceed to return it to her mother, who merely stuf her foot out.

“Now put it on.” Her Mother commanded her.

Tenny obeyed, she slip boot onto her Mothers foot and began to tie the laces, but before she could finish, the irate pregnant woman gave her daughter a mild kick to the cheek. “Wrong knot! Start again!”

Tenny obeyed with a huff and started over.

“So are all the-” Monique began to ask the Orc before stopping as she heard a ‘sQUlch’ and the stamping of a puddle.

She looked around to hear what it was and spotted Alabama stomping on the various bodyparts of the dead Goblin, heads, organs, all while seemingly giggling like a child stepping on puddle or dirt in a most morbid manner.

“ALABAMA!!” Shouted her Mother, causing the girl jolt in fear and everyone to give Alabama their full attention. “STOP...THAT… NOW.” She commanded her child. “That ain’t what Ladies do! Ain’t what decent folk do!”

Alabama, despite being a touch slow, was more than quick to obey her mother when she was angry. “Y-yes mama…” The girl said with a shiver, like she felt the biting breeze from an Icewind Dale in the dead night of a Fimblewinter. She stepped away from the carcasses and went up to her elder sister Georgia for comfort, which was given freely.

Monique then gave a huff through her nose. “Look at you both, y’all made ya dresses dirty. GEORGIA!!”

“Y-yes Mother?” Asked Georgia, trying to hide her timidity for the sake of Alabama.

“Take Tenny n’ Bammy inside, give em baths and make em clean their clothes good! Understand?” Dictated the Matriarch.

“But I ain’ dirty!! I done bathed yesterday!!” Said Tenny as if she didn’t have a face full of dirt and black blood on her blouse and sleeves like just played with oil. Y’know, like a moron.

“You want the belt?” Her Mother asked, wanting to make it clear she wasn’t going to deal with her behavior right now.

Tenny knew this and averted her eyes. “...No… I’ll take the bath without a fuss.” She said with obedience.

“AND?”

“...And clean my clothes.” Added the small teenager, something she was hoping to avoid. Cleaning clothes took took long.

“Good. Get to it!”

The trio of girls marched heir way into the house, Alabama clinging to Georgia.

“And get dinner started, honey! We got a celebration to hold!” Dixon added, causing Georgia to slow down to give a mild sigh. She was planning on doing that anyways, but being told to do it made her want to do it less, even if she loved cooking for her family. But boy, did Georgia ever wanted to backtalk to her Father right then. But she didn’t, because her Mother was there and Georgia liked being alive more than being angry, so instead of risking a boot to the head, she let it go and went inside, thinking about slaughtering a few naughty chickens to work out her inner rage. Maybe she could rope Tenny in to feather and gut them later, she’d like that.

“Sounds like they’re gonna need help.” Commented Missouri aloud.

“Yes, it does! Lets go aid our dear cousin in her tasks, those two are going to be a handful!~” Added Kentucky, the two then began to make their way into the house trying to follow their family inside.

“You think you two are slick?” Said Jeb in a raised voice, irritation peppering his words like well seasoned chicken. “Get your tails to the wagons and start workin ya lazy bums!”

The pair didn’t say anything other than giving a huff at their ruse being found out immeadetly. They did indeed intend to do the easier work of cooking instead of moving enormous amounts of goods. Physical labor wasn’t their forte, but they knew the price of disobeying at this point and marched back to their wagons to start unloading.

“Now, for the fence line!” Began Dixon. “Virginia! Take your sisters Bonnie n Phoebe along with Jimmok and check the wards! Reinforce em!”

“But we checked em this mornin Daddy!” Phoebe protested.

Dixon wanted to scold his daughter at her negligence, but that might upset her to the point of being resentful, so he tried something else. “Go. Now. If find any Goblins out there, you can roast em all you want! Heck, you can burn all these carcasses once they’re all piled up! Now how does that sound?”

Phoebe was tired and wanted to rest, but liked the idea of using her fire magic as much as she wanted to, so instead of pressing the matter out of being tired, she relented. “I’ll help check the wards, Daddy.” She sighed.

“Good, now go!” Dixon commanded, Ogre following the girls in tow with Virginia in the lead. Bonnie wasted no time berating her Twin for refusing the duty of checking the wards.

“See ya later, buddy!” Said Jimmok to Jebidiah.

“Now, for the rest of y’all, start unpackin the wagons! I’ll be out to help in a minute” Said the Patriarch as he helped his wife down from the Wagon, both being careful as to not slip, or else risk the precious life growing within her. “Get to it Jebby! Charlotte!”

The spotted Orc woman obeyed with a snort and went to the rear of the wagon train, curious to see what Jebidiah had been up to, but also to make sure the Korwin Kousins weren’t slacking off like she suspected.

Jeb heeded his younger brothers wordsm and turned to the girls as their parents made their way into the house. He then heard his brother say under his breathe ‘Stop it! Not right now, save it for later!’ causing Jeb to turn his head back to the couple to see Monique grabbing her Husbands rear only to have Josie to slap it away.

Jeb gave a smile, his little brother was a lucky Dog, but also unlucky in some ways. Too much of a good in this case, Monique sure ran him ragged in the bedroom. He was happy she was bought for their family, even if she was meant for Jeremiah instead Josiah, she blessed the family with many new members.

If only one had been the son his brother craved. Jeb shook his head of his thoughts and turned back to his nieces.

They were a bit tired from the day, but were already dutifully making their way over to their family wagon to unload it, keen on finishing the task. Though he could sense the girls were expecting a bit more out of the Goblin attack, things must be a bit tedious here. A Goblin raid might be a highlight for them, even if it would be a glorified turkey shoot.

Were they Orcs or Savages, things might be different. Still, their Uncle did spend time in Mitharia collecting contracts.

Jeb clapped his hands together to attract the attention of the gaggle. “Okie Dokie, who wants to find out what Uncle brought from Mitharia!”

Just as the girls were about to begin unloading the wagon, the gaggles heads spun around and after a brief moment to soak in what their uncle just said, they realized what he meant; Presents.

And with various cheerfully excited shouts, the gaggle then began making their way towards their Uncle who was eager to show off what he had gotten them, as if he were Saint Klaus himself.

Dixie and Arkansas were both halted however, as their shawls were yanked back before they could bolt, choking the both of them briefly.

“HOLE UP YOU TWO!” Yelled the voice of their sister Missi. “You ain’t runnin off! Daddy told us to unload!”

“Oh c’mon, Missi, not like its gonna hurt nothin!” Dixie protested.

“Oh yes it will! Daddy told us to work, so we’re gonna work! Uncle wants to play with Louis, Texas, Florida and our cousins, he can!”

“Well, I wanna relax for a bi-” Began Arkansas before she was choked by her shawl as Missi yanked hard on it.

“You wanna upset Daddy, be my guest, but I ain’t lettin you drag me down with you!”

Arkansas simply yanked her shawl back and turned to give her elder a mean look. “Who said you’re the boss of me?!”

“My age.” Said Missi coldly. But she regretted this, as although it was true, she was the elder, she knew it was the sort of inconvenient truth tha would upset people and was not good enough. She then tried what her Father had done with Pheobe. “And I need your help anyhow. Can’t exactly reach the reins for the wagon and control the animals, given how small I am.”

“You mean… I can drive the wagon?” Asked Arkansas, fidgeting her fingers.

“Yes, to the barn! Gotta get this salted lard into the larder.” Answered Missi, adjusting her specatcles. “Afterwords you can drive it back to the house so we can unload whats left. Then you can goof off and play til dinner. Does that sound good to you?”

Arkansas looked pleased, even if she tried to hide it in an attempt to play hard to get. She did like to drive the wagons, but Daddy was worried she might cause it to tip over at times, so he often denied her. “Mmmm okay!!” She said as she bolted to the front of the wagon and climbed her way into the seat.

Dixie looked over the many metal containers of lard in the back before making her own way to the front with Missi. Arkansas then cracked the reins to get the animals to start moving. Thankfully Arkansas was a bit tired and so was much more patient with them, so they moved at a slower pace than Missi expected. Which was fine by her, the Barn wasn’t far from the house to begin with.

“Hey Missi.” Began Dixie. “Why Mama buy so much lard?”

“Yeah I was wonderin that too!” Added Arkansas. “I thought we sold Lard with all these pigs we got to rend it from!”

“Oh, that? Daddy wanted it.” Answered Missi. “I believe it’s for the factory, Daddy is going to sell it or give to them so that it can be used for canning pork and beef. The salted lard should add flavor and keep the canned food for longer.”

“Wait, so we’re not gonna use it?” Asked Arkansas, confused as to what her sister means. “Why buy all of that then?”

“We ARE going to use it! It’s an investment! To make certain the factory can actually operate and we have money for the future. The kind that can’t inflate, or so Mr. Holk says. Should get us over the hump for the first few years when we go home and won’t have to dip into the old treasure Troves.”

“Uh...okay? What’s en-flayed mean? We skinnin the money?” Asked Arkansas.

“Wha-...no!!! They’re making a currency backed by food instead of gold!” Answered Missi.

“Wait, so food is gonna be the money?! I thought money was money!?”

“No! It’s not! Wait, no! I MEAN YES! I-” Missi became flabbergasted and scatterbrained getting worked up over the confusion, threatening to throw a temper tantrum. She let out an exhalation to deal with her stress. “Look, just drive the wagon! It’s nothing but the pure sweet fat of the hog back there for all you care!”

Dixie giggled at her sisters frustrated fluster, she might have been her elder, but Mississippi was still cute when she was angry. Bit like a small animal that was full of itself and trying to be sassy.

Arkansas was still confused, but didn’t let the question linger and shrugged, she was enjoying her time to drive the wagon, even though they were almost there.

It only took another minute in fact, Arkansas having enough foresight to turn the wagon in a way that it brought its rear closer to the barn, reducing the time it would take the lard to the barns larder, which was a good place for larder, because a larder was where lard was meant to be larded. It would be silly to put it anywhere else except maybe for the pantry, which is where at least some of it would go.

Arkansas and Dixie hopped off the wagon, with Arkansas grabbing her older sister as if she were a mere child, because physichally was, to help her down. Missi then noticed the door of the barn was slightly ajar already. She remembered that she had closed it before leaving it this morning and guessed Jimmok or Charlotte had been inside and forgot to close it all the way.

Regardless, she opened the door and a breeze could be felt coming out. Suddenly the wagons Oxen were mooing, but the girls ignored them. Missi went inside and went straight to the steps that lead down to the Barns larder and marched down to unlock it, popping a loose brick, pulling out a key and using it to pop the lock with a smooth ‘snack’ and pushing the door open. She could smell the salted pork fat inside on the cold wind coming out.

Missi then replaced the key and brick back in their places and marched up the stairs, going passed her sisters who were already bringing in the Lard. Dixie stopped as she heard the sound of creaking of the boards from above and assumed it was the wind pushing the barn around.

She then went back to work and brought the lard down the steps and into the larder, where she placed the contents that is nothing but the pure sweet fat of the hog onto a shelf that was furthest away from the door and using her farm girls strength, pushed the older containers along, sliding them down so they would be used first when they were needed.

Arkansas did the same on her side. It was heavy, but years of farm work and the smoothness of the shelves made it possible to do. Still, it was a lot of effort and it made them both wish they could knock a red boy over so easily.

“Hey, if we’re s’pposed to give this to the new factory place thingy, why we puttin it here?” Arkansas asked. “Seems like a waste o’effort if we’re just gonna pull it back out ‘gain.”

“Guess there ain’t a place to put it really.” Offered Dixie, trying to reason out her sisters question, scratching her head. “Think Daddy might just sell it with the farm or something.”

“To who? The factory?” Arkansas asked for clarity.

“I don’t flippin know! Ask Daddy if you care ‘bout all that stuff.” Answered Dixie in a fit of frustration, sick of being pegged for answers she did not have by her slightly taller twin.

“Don’t have ta be a stick in the mud.” Replied Arkansas as she made her way back up the steps.

Dixie followed her, reaching the top and back out the barn to get another load of lard, walking passed Missi, who struggled a bit with the container. For Dixie or Arkansas, the containers were big, but manageable. For Missi, it seemed it was far larger, but not so much the elder sisters tiny body could not handle it.

Dixie saw the back of the wagon and it was full of lard in addition to other things, like sugar and spices and such, it would take a while to put all of this way, even without the lard. Either way, it meant the younger twins would be handling lions share of the work, both of them were hoping they would get to relax after all this.

Arkansas and Dixie took a load of lard, Dixie taking the lead with Arkansas following her. When they were inside the barn, both of them heard scratching from above and the two stopped where they stood to listen, Dixie at the top of the stairs and Arkansas behind her.

It wasn’t the boards settling in the wind.

“You hear that?” Dixie asked while looking up and around to see what it was, hoping she wasn’t just being paranoid.

“Yeah! I did!” Arkansas then felt and heard something behind her, she spun around to see the barn doors were closed. Her eyes bolted around to see what had shut them, but saw nothing

With instinct, she stepped forward, wanting to open the doors again. Maybe it was the wind that had shut them? She felt a sense of fear, a distinction that they were not alone here.

She was about to kick the door open while still holding the lard, but stopped as she was jolted by the sound of her sister shrieking.

“AAAAA!” Screamed Dixie, dropping her lard as something fell upon her from above.

Arkansas spun and saw something small, bigger than Missi but smaller than Dixie, upon her sibling, its lanky legs firmly planted upon her shoulders as it pulled on her hair like somekind of foul jocky.

A Black Goblin was assailing her and snarling and screeching as it did so in some sort of pitched tongue, occasionally kicking her until she fell on her knees.

“AA-AAAA!” Dixie screeched in a panic, trying to pull her hair back as the creature tried to drag her.

Arkansas lifted the lard over her head and threw it as hard as she could at the monster, thrashing the thing into letting go of her, knocking it over, only for it to get back up almost immediately and looking like it was about to charge as it crouched, sneering at the girls with a cruel demonic grimace on its face.

The monster had a mouth full of pointed sharp teeth behind it’s thin lips, if it had any, with a pointed chin, its eyes were cat-like yellow eyes, short pointed ears, a mat of stringy black hair with a tuft held up by some sort of cord adorned with trinkets of skulls of small animals and glittery metals that might have been coins. Its complexion was on the darker side of gray, a lanky form it was, with rags of animal hides, leathers and stolen cloths covering it. Its hands were claws and its feet seemed springy and more lizard than mammal.

Despite the size difference, it was clearly the more dangerous creature in the barn and it made that fact clear as it stepped towards the girls, towards its prey.

Dixie shuffled back on her arms, trying to get away from the thing, bumping into her sister, whom she turned her head to ensure it was her.

“YOU OKAY?!” Arkansas asked frantically as she helped her sister up, trying to keep her eye on the Goblin.

“I-I-think so!” Dixie stuttered in fear as she stood. She only felt a mild pain on the back of her neck, but felt nothing bloody leaking out. She then focused on the creature in front of her and felt her panic simmer into fear, her body on full alert and wanting to run like Hell.

Dixie motioned towards the doors of the barn and the Goblin snarled and dashed towards it with a frightening speed by hopping, almost like some sort of demonic Frog, cutting them off. There was no way they were going outrun this thing.

The thing encroached on the girls slowly, who gave brief shrieks, unsure of what to do other than stay close and away from it. Arkansas looked around frantically, looking for something. She thought of picking up the lard cans to throw at the thing, but was too fearful of it pouncing on her. She then saw a rack of tools, including a sickle and a pitchfork, but she was also scarred to go for it.

The Goblin crept forward, trying to get into striking range. If it got one of them, the other would be easy to gut. He knew there was a third smaller one down the steps and knew the tiny child would be too fearful to come up the stairs and could deal with her when he wanted to.

“What are y’all screamin-” Began Missi as she stepped up the steps, until she spotted the commotion and realized what it was. “HOLY HELL!!”

The Goblin looked at the girl with equal confusion. Manlet sprogs were supposed to be fearful and not seek out screams and it left the Goblin stunned for a moment, uncertain of what to do at the unforeseen event. He could strike at her, easily killing her, but he did not want to risk the other fleeing and bringing the Ogre, or worse, the Orc. The Ogre he could easily outrun, the Orc he could not, he saw how easily she ripped through his Band, their hit and run attacks backfiring on them.

The Arkansas saw the Goblin being distracted and took her chance to get the pitchfork. The Goblin then took notice of Arkansas fleeing, assuming she was making a break for it just to get away from the Goblin despite nowhere obvious to go while leaving her sister and lunged at Dixie.

Dixie simply stepped back and screamed until she hit the wooden wall of the barn as the creature charged her. It might have been a bit smaller than her, but it might as well have been a small Jaguar or Cougar to her. Dixie lifted her leg up instinctively, trying to kick the creature away. The Goblin grabbed Dixie by the boot and yanked back hard, easily bringing the girl down with its strength.

Then, with its free hand, tried to reach for her face, attempting to grab her throat to slit her neck with its claws, something it had done many time before. But it only felt a sudden sting in its side and shrieked.

Arkansas had plunged her pitchfork into the monsters side, forcing it off of her sister. She put all of her weight into forcing the prongs in deeper, trying to wound the thing.

“MOVE!” Shouted Arkansas at her sister, which Dixie did, rolling away as fast as she could, fear gripping her a she crawled, standing up. “GET THE SICKLE!!” She yelled at her sister again.

“W-W-W-WHAT!?” Yelled Dixie, unsure of what her sister said, the fear making it hard for her to think.

Missi stepped forward in order to try and help, thinking she could use her own weight to push in the pitchfork further. But she stopped in her tracks as the Goblin rolled over, forcing the prongs out of itself and into the barn wall.

Arkansas pulled back, but was stopped as the Goblin grabbed onto the fork, yanking it back and not letting go. The creature had the strength Arkansas did not have and despite her effort to hold on tight, it away. It had the Goblin had the pitchfork now and it was all too eager to skewer the girl that had made it bleed.

Arkansas had stepped back as the monster had sprung up and got ready to attack again, looking around to find her sisters were also stepping back. Then she noticed Dixie still had not gotten the tool.

“DIXIE! THE SICKLE! GET THE SICKLE!!” Yelled Arkansas. She would have gotten the tool herself, but she was closest to the Goblin and knew it would go after her first.

“Uh...uh…” Dixie murmured as she looked for what she meant and saw it and went to get it, barely holding back her panic.

“GET BACK!!!” Yelled Missi as she yanked as hard as she could on her sibling, the Goblin seeing the girl as distracted and lunged at her with the pitch fork, aiming at her upper chest, but hit her shoulder instead, sinking the prongs deep, far further than Arkansas did with him.

Arkansas felt a stinging pain and yelped as she fell backwards onto her elder sister, pinging her to the ground. Instinctively she tried to kick the creature away, but it grabbed her then kicked her in the gut with its sharp clawed foot.

A belch came forth and a new stinging pain, it had wounded her as blood flowed out from both her gut and her shoulder. The Goblin kicked her again with more force, hitting her in the front of her upper thigh, making her scream again. Then it twisted fork with as much might as it could muster, causing greater pain, please the creatures sadism.

The sense of power over a Manling was sweeter than a Goblette as is gave a giggle. It was about to reach down and snuff the life from both of the girls with its claws, intending to pull out their throats after an incision.

Then it’s ears twitched as it heard movement to its side. The other Manling girl was about to attack with a sickle and the Goblin reacted masterfully, he let go of the girls leg and used his free hand to grab onto the others girls wrist as its weapon came down, stopping her dead.

She was terrified, Dixie was certain she was going to kill or at least gravely hurt the monster attacking her sisters, but instead it had her and she uncertain of what to do. She dropped the sickle and tried to pull back, but only felt the force of the Goblin keeping her there. It then pulled her towards it and hit her with a mighty punch with all of its strength, right to her cheek, knocking the girl down.

She had never been hit so hard in her life. She wasn’t seeing stars, but didn’t feel much of anything at first, then the pain hit her, tears were welling up in her eyes. She wanted to run away and now. She looked up and saw the ladder up to Missi’s workshop on the second floor. Without thinking she crawled towards them in a frantic panic.

Arkansas had tears beginning to roll down her own eyes from the pain, but saw the Goblin was distracted again and took her chance to kick it in the back of the legs, hoping to topple it.

She kicked with all her might, hitting it in the back of the knee with her own, tangling it up as it fell down. She then rolled off of her sister as best as she could, who began to stand up. Arkansas then felt scream leave her lungs again as the Monster bit down on her leg as deep as it could, casuing a delicious crimson liquid to leak forth, which the creature sucked up like some sort of Trashyard Vampire.

The Goblin then crawled away, wanting the sickle to kill the Man Sprogs once and for all, but it had the weapon it then felt the sting of the fork again, as it was jabbed in the back of its head.

The midget sprog at stabbed him this time and the other was trying to stand up, that it would not let happen. The Goblin sprang up and drop kicked the child into its sister sending them tumbling down into the lower level.

The girls were still alive, they were moving, but immobile. If the Goblin wanted them all dead, now was the opportunity and it had to start with the struggling up the ladder. He grabbed the sickle and raced towards the ladder.

Dixie was barely up on the 2nd level, looking where the windows were to leap out of it, or least climb down from there to run for help. She barely noticed the windows were shut to prevent anyone from entering when she heard some skittering on the wood from below and saw the Goblin climbing up, sending the girl back into a panic as she screamed again.

The creature had made it all the way up at an incredible speed, even Tenny would not be able to match, as the girl stumbled back, falling onto her rear as she shuffled away from the thing.

It was creeping towards the girl at first, pausing briefly as she shit the stool behind her, wondering what she would do as she kept her gaze upon him, the panic deepening in her. The Goblin then ran at Dixie with a lunge, bringing the sickle down on her, making her shriek as he struck her.

She held her arms up as the beast hacked away at her, but was doing minimal damage. The Goblin wondered why it wasn’t cutting her and examined the blade. He realized he was holding it backwards. The Man filth was stupid at times and spun the blade around to get in a blow only to feel the blow of the stool against the creature as it fell to the ground.

This enraged the Goblin and Dixie scuttled as fast as she could under Missi’s workbench. She was breathing heavily, tears rolling down her eyes. She did not want to die and wanted a wall between her and the monster. She pulled as hard as she could on the workbench, it was heavy but she was strong enough to make it tip.

The Goblin lunged at her as the bench came crashing down on it’s back, pinning its lower body down. The beast shrieked once more, partially out of pain, but mostly out of anger. It wanted to kill this dark skinned rat and take its bushy scalp as a trophy for the Goblin Women. It would have its right to mate and it would make the process of taking that scalp slow and painful now.

It lashed at Dixie with the sickle, hitting her in the legs. Her skirt catching the blade, preventing any real injury, but the point was enough to stab the girl in the side of her knee, thigh, hip, shoulder even face. It was enough to drive the girl into a frenzy terror as she kicked the creature in the face, hoping to kill it, but only made it angry as it summoned its strength again to lift the workbench off of itself.

This was enough to make Dixie run away, wanting to jump down off the 2nd floor. But the Goblin tripped her up with the sickle, doing no damage, but making her tumble. This was all it took for it to grab onto her boot and it held on, refusing to let go.

Dixie screamed and kicked its face frantically, but it did little other than to anger it. It fought through the pain and tried to drag her closer while wiggling out from under the bench. Dixie kicked it aiming for its eye with her heel, making it scream and let go to grab its source of agony.

Dixie wasted no time trying to get away, to the light of the outside from this dark world through the open barn doors. She wanted to run as fast as she could, away from this monster. She crawled, ready to fall to the ground, not caring if he would break any bones. She just wanted her Father, her Mother. She wanted to be away from this thing, for God to save her from this Demon.

The Goblin however, was fighting through the pain and managed to wriggle its way out from under the workbench in no time and saw the girl with its good eye. It had enough it would kill her then and there. It let out a cry of hate and with sickle in hand, lunged at the crawling bitch planting its body on top of her.

Dixie let out another scream straight from Hell as it pulled her by the hair to expose her neck. Dixie locked eyes with the monster and she knew she was caught. She tried to pull her hair away from it, like a frantic animal in a trap, but the Goblin was too strong. The Goblin saw her terror and it was thoroughly pleased, it wanted her to be gripped by fear as she died, if only he could make her own clan see her like this. Seeing the neck, the Goblin it lift the sickle up to end filth's life and swung down to slash at the girls throat to drain the life from her.

But it did not do this.

It could not do this.

The Goblin could not move it’s hand, or it’s arm, something with a vice like grip was holding it and it was crushing it’s hand.

“AAA-AA!” It yelped. It looked at its limb and something was holding it firmly and crushing it.

It was a hand, dark skinned, the Goblin looked behind itself and saw the yellow eyes of a predator staring down at it, into its soul, if it had one. A cold terror had gripped the Goblins heart and paralyzed it in fear and the Goblin started to breathe heavily and its low jaw started to quiver. It was not certain what it was looking at other than perhaps death itself.

Dixon subconsciously gave the vermin a look of deathly hate. Not only had it attacked his family, his farm, his livelihood, his land, it had attacked three of his children and was about to kill one. This was not something Dixon would let go unanswered and because it was not a creature like Redfist, who had friends and was in fact, a Goblin, Dixon could do as he pleased with itwhen it attacked his children.

He looked into its eyes that were filled with fear for its life with pure hatred and he brought down his boot onto its ankle, causing a loud CRACK to ring through the barn making the pest scream bloody murder and recoil. It made an attempt to bite him out of instinct, but Dixon lifted the creature with not effort and kicked it in the back of the head. The creature fell over the edge of the floor and fell down to the ground where it laid in pain.

Dixon then turned his attention to his daughter, who was in tears.

“D-da-a-a-ddy!” She stuttered, reaching towards him with both of her arms, hands open, like a baby begging for comfort.

Dixon gave it without thinking, embracing his daughter, gentle as a lamb as she sobbed into his vest.

“I-I-thou-ought-” she began before Dixon interjected.

“Ssssshhhhh-sh-sh-sssshhhhh…. S’all right now. Daddy’s here darlin.” He cooed to his child, rubbing her back, holding her close in a hug, rocking back and forth as she cried.

“I was… I was-so sca-...sc-…” Dixie sobbed, she could not speak properly as the thought of dying overwhelmed her.

Dixion pulled her away and held her head. “Look at me, look at mah eyes! Don’t look ‘way Dixie, this ain’ the song, y’hear?” He asked, bit of trying to be humours and invoke his daughters favorite song, but also trying to keep her focused. “Okay?”

“O-o-k-k-ay…” She agreed.

“Take a deep breathe then.”

She obeyed, taking in a fast deep breathe and exhaling.

“Slower.”

She obeyed again.

“You hurt?” He asked.

“Uh…” She paused trying to figure out his question.

“Are. You. Hurt?” He enunciated. “Did that freak hurt you? Cut you?”

“He-…” She felt herself, remembering the pain. “The thing stabbed me!”

“With what?” He asked calmly with a mild smile, trying to seem like a lighthouse in a storm for his child while wanting to hear exactly what she had to say.

“Wi-...with sick-sickle!”

His gaze darted around for a moment, then he saw the sickle the Goblin was holding and picked it up. He examined it and saw a bit of blood on it, mostly on the tip. It caused a chill to run through his body.

“Where? Where it stab you?” He asked, barely keeping his fear in check.

Dixie took a moment to consider where it hit her. “A-arm, s-shoulder… hip…”

He looked at her bodyparts, and while it did seem like she was hit he didn’t see much blood on her. Must have only just grazed her with scratches. Her cheek however was a bit more bruised and fat now.

“Can you stand? Move?” He asked. “I won’t letchya go or nothin, just need to know how bad it all is.”

“Y-yes! I-I can!” She said as she tried to stand up.

Dixon picked up his daughter, holding onto her tight like the fragile treasure she was. “Hold on to me honey.”

Dixie obeyed, gripping her Father tightly, feeling a sense of safety. Dixon walked over to the edge of the floor, spotting the Goblin, it was still alive, the light of the coming Dusk bathing the oversized rat in an yellow glow.

He stepped over the edge, aiming for the Goblins bad leg, the one whose ankle he broke, and made it worse. His weight snapped the creatures limb in another place and is shrieked in agony. Breaking its leg broke his fall. Still hurt him a bit, thankfully nothing of value was lost on the way down.

He wasn’t thinking entirely clearly in that moment, bit of a dumb idea to do, especially with a precious treasure in hand like his Daughter, but he was full of love for her and hate for that thing that dared to harm her.

He then looked up to see Bonnie and Phoebe carrying up Missi and Arkansas who were both crying, especially Arkansas. He saw crimson running down Bonnie’s dress as she held Arkansas.

“How are they?” He asked as Dixie clung to him for dear life.

“Not sure if anythings broken, but shes got a stabbin and a bit wound that looks worse than it is. Nothin a cleanin and some bandages won’t heal.” Said Bonnie with a smile.

Dixon knew his daughter Bonnie well enough to know that when she smiles, its good compared to what might have been. He felt a sense of relief, though he tempered it with a tinge of reality, they might still have a broken bone or an infection.

“Hmm, so one hid huh?” Asked Charlotte as she stood there with her hands on her hips, glaring at the Goblin who was trying to crawl away as it winced in torment of several broken bones. “Must ‘ave ‘ad somethin to prove.”

“Here.” Said Dixon as he gave the sickle to the Orc. “Have fun with him.”

Charlotte looked at Dixon with a bit of shock, she took the sickle in hand and asked. “Y-y’mean… I can…”

Dixon gave subtle nod of approval to the Orc and saw her face light up with a tinge of excitement that was barely contained.

“And here I thought you’d be angry!” She said.

“I’m not angry, I’m vengeful.” He answered coldly. “And I want that Trash over there to know that.” He stared at the Orc, he felt a sense of anger towards her for her failure to secure the Farm fully, but he knew she would not let something like this happen if she could help it. Besides, this lot chose to take the wagon to the barn, not like she had any control over that. Charlotte felt he was a bit mad at her, but not enough to reprimand her, at least in front of the girls, she knew he was happy the children were relatively fine and more importantly, wanted some payback against the creature that caused him and his wife such terror. She was actually a bit worried Monique might give birth out of stress.

“Anyways, go have your fun, take your time, make sure it lives until it wants to die, y’hear?” He asked, but it felt more like a command.

He wanted that thing to suffer for as long as possible. “Oh… I hear.” Chalotte acknowledge with a grin most Devlish. She was going to have a lot of fun with this.

“Good, see you in the morning!” Dixon said with a smile as he walked back the Orc, giving her a firm slap to the rump of the old Nan, making her grab it out of pain.

Bonnie, Phoebe and Virginia walked passed her with their sibling in hand.

Jimmok the Ogre was running as fast as he could, slowing down and collapsing to the ground, making the ground shake the entire time, fully out of breathe.

“I...I...IIIIIII-” He gasped for air, trying to find enough to say what he wanted to say. “I’m-….HERE!” Ogre were not made for running, especially from the otherside of the farm.

“Thank you Jimmok, take a break.” Said Dixon, understanding the Ogres issues as he walked passed. “They’re fine by the by.”

“Go-….-oood!”

“Just breathe you ol’ fool! Gonna throw up a lung!” Chided Phoebe.

Charlotte walked into the barn and drew the doors closed. She looked over her shoulder and saw her subject was awake and trying to lift itself up in spite of its pain. When it noticed her finally, it felt ice enter its veins as it locked eyes with her green orbs and saw something it did not want to see.

“He must REALLY hate you…” She said with a grin most wicked. “to give you to me~”

The Goblin’s instincts, its will to live, took over and took to flight and began crawling away as fast as it could.

“Oh… you still want to live… good.” She said as she followed the creature, ready unleash the full swath that was her inner Fantasia cruelty upon the creature. “We’ll stomp lil fire for life that you still got out cold, don’t you worry!~”

Finally, at last, its been years since she could have fun. Real. Fun. The kind she was forbidden to have, the kind her Blood demanded. The fact she was about to be having fun for the sake of the girls was a nice bonus to her.

She grabbed the Goblin by the ankle, it turned to look at her and saw an inhuman creature, a daughter of Likoth, staring back at him with a Demonic glee most wicked.

“COME TO CHARLOTTE!”

Dixie Lee Corwin & The Farm of Hobbesville - Chapter 1 - Zalloj - Dixie Lee Corwin [Archive of Our Own]

[lowtaxsa]

The Profits Plunge and so do i

Lowtax (slurring): Alright, folks, gather 'round for the debate of the century, where logic and historical materialism clash like two drunken uncles at Thanksgiving! I'm your moderator, Lowtax, and I'll be guiding you through this trainwreck with all the grace of a one-legged giraffe. Let's meet our contenders: Ben "Facts Don't Care About Your Feelings" Shapiro and Karl "The Beard" Marx! Give it up for these two intellectual heavyweights, folks!

Marx: I must stress the importance of understanding the tendency of the rate of profit to fall as a direct consequence of the contradictions within the capitalist system. As more capital is invested in constant capital, such as machinery, compared to variable capital, like labor, the organic composition of capital rises, and this leads to a decline in the rate of profit over time.

Lowtax: Ah yes, the classic "capitalism is eating itself" argument. Very original, Karl. hic

Shapiro: Well, Mr. Marx, you see, that's where you're wrong. The beauty of capitalism lies in its ability to adapt and innovate. New technologies and markets arise, which lead to new investment opportunities, and the profit rate is restored. It's just basic economics.

Lowtax: Sure, Ben, because who doesn't love a good ol' cycle of boom and bust? Stability is for losers, am I right?

Marx: But Ben, you're missing the point! While these temporary restorations may occur, the overall trend of the rate of profit to fall remains. This leads to crises, recessions, and the immiseration of the working class, perpetuating a system that benefits the few at the expense of the many.

Lowtax: You tell 'em, Karl! Because what's a good system without a side of mass suffering, huh?

Shapiro: You're ignoring the fact that capitalism has lifted more people out of poverty than any other system in history. The tendency of the rate of profit to fall is an oversimplification of a complex economic reality, and the benefits of capitalism far outweigh any potential drawbacks.

Lowtax: And there you have it, folks! The age-old debate rages on, while we, the pawns of this grand chessboard, watch in awe and wonder how the hell we got here in the first place. The only thing falling faster than the rate of profit is my faith in humanity. Cheers to that! hic

[peterlorrefanpage]

Ah! That is a great way to look at this, thank you.

Peter Lorre is very inspiring, I agree. Looking at his life as a whole, it's amazing how he did what he did. There's some luck in it, yes, but without him going through his early park bench days, taking so many chances, literally suffering for his art - would we have even had the work we are lucky to still see and hear today?

-Tangent-

You know what, if I get off my ass and plan this well in advance (theoretically!) - I want a wake for myself while I'm still alive. I want to see my friends and family in that big ol' party.

"I don't want nobody to give me flowers when I'm dead and gone. Give me my flowers while I'm living. So I can feel 'em, smell 'em. See 'em." -Solomon Burke

[If you want to hear Solomon sing that out, click on this medley. That bit comes in at 1:27.]

These are interesting discussions! Speaking from my own experience, I used to read and hear a lot about how other cultures view death and conducted funerals. In some cultures a funeral is a celebration of a person’s life and their achievements, where the older the person is, the larger the celebration. Of course there is mourning and sadness at those events, but there’s also a (bittersweet, I imagine) happiness at a life well lived. And to me, that’s kind of what a person’s death date symbolises to me.

I wish Lorre could’ve lived longer, but at the same time, he achieved so incredibly much in his life, going from a homeless actor to a famous Hollywood star. I find that inspiring! So yes, @peterlorrefanpage I completely agree with your conclusion - that this is a way to celebrate their life in a way their birthday does not!

[regaldisaster]

galdrgraced replied to your post “When Morgan first join: “My son? Seriously? Pfeh…It’s probably a lie,...”

wholeSOME

galdrgraced replied to your post “When Morgan first join: “My son? Seriously? Pfeh…It’s probably a lie,...”

...

galdrgraced replied to your post “When Morgan first join: “My son? Seriously? Pfeh…It’s probably a lie,...”

wholecome

Dadgrel best grel

[maxtrickey]

Thinking bout the torpedo cats from Bayonetta....

[sinisterexaggerator]

Bane thinks it's the dumbest thing ever...a bathtub, who had time for that? Yet when is lady suggests it might help with that pesky skin he's having trouble shedding he gives it a go....how do you think the bounty hunter will react to a nice hot bath?

Rub-A-Dub-Dub, Cad Bane's in a tub.

Word count: 1.5k+

Warnings: Nakedness, dirty talk, implied sexual relations.

This was a fun prompt. Thank you!

Bane had been gone on a job for weeks, a task he had committed to on Tatooine. Gun smugglers, weapons runners, something about drug cartels and owing a Hutt. You were a wealthy woman who lived on Coruscant.

You cared naught for his perilous tales and misadventures – what you cared about was the way he had come back to you. The twin suns of the unforgiving desert heat had done a number on his microscales.

He was always slightly rough to the touch, but this was ridiculous.

You ran a bath; where he came from water was a luxury. His ship had a sonic shower, but you had it in your heart to spoil him rotten.

It didn’t cross your mind he wouldn’t appreciate your caring - he was shedding! And what was worse is it came off in chunks and it was stuck.

By the Gods, he needed this, and you would make sure to moisturize him as if your life depended on it. He eyed you;  you were in your bathrobe. Perhaps if you made to join him he would be more receptive, though you sucked at being subtle.

Cad Bane was a stubborn creature, but you could be quite convincing. Your charm had won him to your bed – this time you would woo him to take a bath instead.

First thing’s first - you would have to undress the man somehow. Maybe you could accomplish this on the pretense of a romp in your boudoir. The refresher was just adjacent. It wouldn’t be a lengthy trip. Cad Bane watched you as you sashayed your shapely hips.

“This way, Bane,” you coerced him in your sing-song voice. The Duros followed at a pace that was slow, methodical, though it was his way of giving chase. He was in no rush, though Maker he was fast when the situation suited him. You dropped your scant clothing to the floor to reveal your sex; your ample bosom.

Bane arched the protrusion of his brow. His tongue flicked across his elongated fangs – they were especially lengthy for his species, though you chose not to complain.

He stepped forward and he shucked his duster. You took his hat and tossed it. Your nails toyed at the edge of a hidden zipper; his tunic being opened by your impatient,  groping fingers.

“Eager lil’ minx, ain'cha? Ain’t been back more dhan an hour an’ ye jus’ cahn’t control yerself around ol’ Cad Bane.”

You gave him a demure smile, revealing his black insulated suit as you tugged the zipper fully down. He bothered to help, unhooking and unfastening his gauntlets next.

He trusted you enough – you had been around the block a few times. You were nothing more than a wealthy heiress, and he had done a job or two for you to top it off.

He placed his instruments off to the side, kicked his boots off with some effort, then he peeled himself out of those skintight pants, those leather chaps.

The bodysuit came off, the breathing apparatus. Finally, he was naked as the day he hatched – this was worse than you expected. The Duros needed exfoliation, this terrible shedding would continue, you extrapolated, unless you took matters into your own two hands.

“Let’s play a game,” you offered him. He strolled forward with double-erect cocks. He backed you towards the door of your refresher as you kept him a pace away. You dug a scarf out from your armoire, dangling it before him.

“An’ what am Ah ‘spose te do wit dhat?” he questioned you, a tone of mild annoyance conveyed in his husky, Durosian voice. Hells, his accent – you were already wet, and you hadn’t even made it to the bath yet.

“Wear it for me?” you asked him coyly.

“Wear it where? Exspect me te wrap m’dicks up all pretty like? Take ‘em or leave ‘em,” the Duros spat.

“No, silly. Around your eyes,” you returned.

“Yer karkin’ crazy. Been chewin’ de luna weed.” He moved to gather up his things. No one would pull a fast one over on Cad Bane.

“Wait, wait!” you begged of him. You dropped the scarf. You had already pissed him off. “Okay, fine. I was going to surprise you.”

“Hate surprises.”

“I just wanted to …” you sighed as you shook your head. “Give you a bath.”

“A bath?!”

“A bath.”

“Ye must be madder dhan a wet tip-yip if ye think Ah’m goin’ in dhere.”

“Well, I am wet …” you grinned at him.  “What are you afraid of, Cad?”

“Ain’t afraid of nothin’! Ain’t got time fer dat nonssense … I gotta meetin’ wit’ a client n���less dhan two hours in de lower levels o’dhis Maker fersaken place.”

“That’s plenty of time! You need this. Look at you! Please, let me help … you’re shedding and-”

“Ah’m a Duros! Dhis is what happens when a Duros-”

“I’ll never ask you for anything else as long as I live!”

He relented, exasperated. “Fine! An’ yer damn right, cause Ah won’ give it te ye!”

You could hardly contain your glee; your mirth was audible. Your hand rose, you held it out. The Duros growled; gave in. He trailed along behind. You bowed to him as you presented the warm bath.

This kind of a thing was a waste of resources, of water in his opinion, but he put one foot in, then the other. His body gave an involuntarily shudder. You appeared concerned for just one moment. “Is it already cold?”

“No, it jus’…”

You smiled outright. “Feels good?”

The hunter sighed testily as he submerged himself. The tub was big enough for you to follow suit. You grabbed a sponge from where it was nestled, making sure to soak it first.

You turned. Cad Bane was picking at himself, his nails, or lack thereof. You often caught him gazing at the tips of his blue fingers, only now he was half gnawing on them.

“Stop that!!” You belted out. The Duros turned his sharp eyes on you. They were wide, alarmed, and questioning as his brow ridge rose to skirt his forehead.

“What are ye on about?” he crowed as you gathered up his hand in yours. You got to scrubbing, though you did so gently. You buffered them to smoothness. He took his arm back, inspecting your hard work as you grabbed the other. He canted his bulbous head, somewhat impressed. “Huh,” was all he said.

You continued with your mission, though careful not to scour him. You worked your way across his arms, his shoulders, though when you ran your soapy implement across his back he rumbled out a purr.

“Oh, ho, ho! What’s that I hear?” you teased.

He quickly tamped it down, twisting his neck to eye you from the side. “Ah ‘spose Ah cahn’t enjoy m’self widdout yer annoyin’ commentary.”

You zipped your trap. Cad Bane would not admit it, but he was sensitive to other’s words, their pokes and prods. He did not like being made the butt of jokes, even small ones. Though he had a sense of humor, it was cruel and unusual. The only time he loosened up was when he hit the bottle too hard. You wished he let his guard down from time to time – you didn’t bite, he did.

“I’m sorry, I’m just pleased with myself.”

He huffed, though he failed to hinder you, the reason being you hadn’t finished with him yet. You paused to get a rise out of him.

“Why’d ye stop?” he asked you tersely.

You suppressed another smile, a witty quip. “Turn around?”

He did not argue. You treated his legs and feet. His toes were interesting. Duros anatomy was fascinating. “Your toes,” you giggled. “They’re adorable.”

He squinted one ruby eye at you, though he was somewhat more subdued in attitude.

“Nothin’ associated wit me cahn be defined as adorable - dhat werd ain’t in my vocabulary, lil' lady.”

You couldn’t help it. You wanted to see if he was ticklish. Cad Bane had closed his eyes, but they shot open to narrow, this was all unjustified!

“Do ye have a death wish, or have ye jus’ lost all yer blasted marbles?” he hissed.

You could tell he didn’t mean it. There wasn’t any true venom to his words. You went back to scrubbing, pampering, keeping your own eyes averted. “Can’t blame a girl for wanting to make you laugh.”

You added something as an afterthought. “Your smile, Cad. It’s dazzling.”

He only opened one eye this time, he did not give you the privilege of a full one, though the corner of his mouth twitched upward. It was good enough, you mused.

By the end of it all his dead scales had been sloughed off. They filled the bathtub. It was disgusting, but you did this to yourself.

Cad was the one to stand up first. He climbed out of the bathtub. He had it in his heart to bring you a clean towel off the rack, then he sauntered back to get one for himself.

You would watch him, tilting your head as you stared wide-eyed. Despite not having much of a backside, he was still hypnotizing.

He turned around and smirked, he waved you off towards the bedroom. He appraised his hands again, leaning his lithe figure against the doorframe.

“Now bend over, ass up in de air fer me like de lil’ slut ye are. Gonna do dhat thing ye like sso well.”

You licked your lips before biting down. “Yessir,” you complied. The very idea sent shivers down your spine – a reward well earned for all the Bantha shit you had to go through.