#i dont care that much about you pysche i actually care about you a lot | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ihatebnha · 4 years ago

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Plumbercrack and Cloaca hawks is more than fine for a tag, altho if youd prefer to shorten it to just like cloaca anon or somethin to make it easier for you thats also fine!! And!! you deserve all the love and affirmation in the world! Regardless of how much or what kind or what quality of content you produce, you're a person and people need rest sometimes! Hiatus good! You? GOOD! (And dw im also terrible with compliments I totally get it lol) 💖💖💖

and it is done, cloaca anon it is...!!!🥵

but AHHHhhhadfjadsk (and you already know i had to let this ask marinate for 24hrs bc its too sweet for the likes of me)... not to give you a whole sob story...

It's not even the hiatus + rest that i ned... i think I just mainly feel bad because i'm disappointed in myself for not really writing the way that i used to (with scenes + dialogue, i mean), and feel like maybe im bothering the people who follow me... with content that isn't what they signed up for? esp when i know that i can do better...

like i say this a lot, but i still really dont feel like i have or deserve over 2.5k followers, so i think my frustration is just a combination of like, imposter syndrome and procrastination due to fear of being shitty...

not to mention how i really struggle with answering anons in general........ and feel TERRIBLE abt that... (see like, ppl being sweet to me always makes me want to be sweet back, as in like write for them, and when i can't i always want to shrivel up and d*e)

so its been really hard to navigate as of late, you know, just with trying to figure out how to stop pysching myself out and start writing for MYSELF again (not that i ever wasnt , just that its been getting harder n harder not to care abt likes when i have such talented moots)...

i just feel like ive been going crazy trying to balance wanting to write with actually writing well alongside with taking a needed break at the same time as pleasing everyone... since i dont want to be "forgotten" ig either.

i dont know!!!

still .... i really really really REALLY REALLY REALLY appreciate the support and sentiment, cloaca, bc truly even just thinking about me and letting me talk is enough lol...

regardless, i hope you know that you deserve so, so much, too!❤️

#no worries abt reading all of that tbh... i sorta went off LOOOL #it was nice to type it out tho since i havent really been able to vent abt it to anyone #i always feel bad making personal posts bc i hate bothering ppl #and it feels like im just fishing #so i always delete them .02 seconds after making them #idk #i told my mom all of this too and she told me not to worry and that i was just evolving and shedding old skin #but its hard since my eyes have been very green as of late #on here and in real life #ive been sad and mad abt everything lol #not mad at anyone in particular bc im not that person #just mad that im not happy too #school is out so now im just reminded that my life is sorta shitty again #anyway #its not important #and ill get through it..... i ALWAYS do #but sometimes its hard #anyway i love u cloaca!!! so much!!!!#also i got ur other ask and will try to respond soon!#but i tired rn #i really want to take an entire week off and do nothing #like a REALLLL hiatus #but its hard bc my main tumblr and this tumblr are linked #lol i am doomed to suffer #ask #ask meme #ask blog #cloaca #lmao i reread the cloaca ask and what if we made ur name dicknballs #we cant bc it would be censored but still hahaha

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