#ah it is no longer night

[everythingisarabbithole]

just remembered the song (parody song?) ''word crimes'' (i think. by weird al yankovic idk) and beloved ELL student friend, whatever do you make of it? would very much like to know your thoughts :3

alright here we go!! welcome to my saturday night talk show.

thoughts, thoughts... first up, a disclaimer. I had not heard the song before, and this is all just what I thought when listening to it for the first time (and I guess a few more times while writing). I am also not an admirable student.

now that that's out of the way: the first thing that came to mind was that the word "crimes" is rather harsh! as if it were a punishable crime... well, sg is known as a fine country. (how much would I have to pay for the improper english in this post?)

If you can't write in the proper way

the "proper" way is context-dependent! Here, however, it likely refers to the standard variety used in some particular region, probably Standard American English or Standard British English.

oh, but here's the catch: those aren't the only varieties around, are they? especially with the number of people around the world that speak English nowadays. What do we speak? can we call it British English? debatable. (but it probably doesn't matter what we call it. anyway, the last part of this is relevant here, I think).

perhaps we should say the a proper way--no no no, "proper" still suggests "correct". here we go full circle: what's correct is context-dependent!

Maybe you flunked that class

flunked? like literally? sounds unfortunate

And maybe now you find That people mock you online

The really funny ones are those where they go back and forth telling each other off in the comments of a completely unrelated post.

in my opinion? it's the internet. over half the world is here, so language and opinions surrounding language vary. I'd rather find other things to do than give strangers unsolicited (and subjective) advice on language. unless it's a language exchange site (where by all means give feedback but not mock), I think it's... it's... I don't know, these people are trolling.

Gonna familiarize you

so... is gonna acceptable "proper" language because of its high use?

(not entirely relevant but. if I had written familiarize in primary school, that would not have been accepted. but they no longer do that, if I'm not wrong. American English is getting more trendy now, eh?)

You'll learn the definitions of nouns and prepositions

oh I still remember that preposition song!

Now, did I stammer

hm. might not be a problem with literacy

You should know when it's "less" or it's "fewer"

now this reminds me of the thing with the Tesco checkout signs ("ten items or less", which if you go by the books, is ungrammatical) in one of our exam texts

Like I could care less

I've never heard this. (either it's not said here, or it's not said in my circle. both are possible)

You'd better slow down and use the right pronoun

which would be...?

Your participle's danglin'

hm. fair

although I imagine this matters only for formal stuff. in other cases? context fills things in, and the main goal is communication, I think. If that's achieved even with a dangling particle, so be it. (we don't want another chain of funny comments)

If you really wanna, leave out that Oxford comma

I would say that I use those pretty often. why? I don't know. If you've put a comma after everything else, why be quirky and end the pattern? (or maybe I'm just indecisive as to whether I'm actually ending the list or not.)

why would you want to leave it out?

Use your spellchecker

ew. it doesn't do what I want it to. no thank you (at least for writing creative fiction and personal things.)

You should never write words using numbers unless you're seven

is there something I'm not getting? (I would not be surprised if that were true.) I don't think the majority of seven year olds know how to do that.

Well anyway, I think it's really cool when words are written with numbers! what's that... does it fall under rebus? They're creative. It takes some smarts both to come up with them and to understand them. and I do find abbreviations/initialisms/acronyms fascinating in the same way! (unfortunately, I am rather terrible at remembering new ones. Now, I'm going on a little tangent here. a friend asked why I don't exactly text--how do I put it--more like a stereotypical person belonging to Generation Z. First of all, everyone writes differently. second, you want the kind of thing that appears in those lists of "teen slang words" and the like? I can pull it off quite well. however, it's not what I'm used to. I have a theory it's a tumblr thing. and possibly school. I shall not elaborate.)

Well, you should hire some cunning linguist to help you distinguish what is proper English

That won't work. Linguists argue about it too.

Time to learn your homophones is past due

why?

Always say "to whom" Don't ever say "to who"

This has unfortunately been drilled into me, resulting in a slightly uncomfortable feeling whenever I see "to who". But recall that I believe it's a waste of time to argue with people.

but the following... were not brought to my attention from an early age.

I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis

then what am I supposed to write in reading comprehension?

I hope you can tell If you're doing good or doing well

eh?

And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull What's figurative and what's literal

now that's taking the fun out of English. people like to play with language! I absolutely love the power of figurative language to keep boredom at bay. (And due to the productive nature of language, we have a growing number of tools at out disposal to do just that.)

I read your e-mail It's quite apparent Your grammar's errant You're incoherent

that's mean! And perfectly grammatical passages can be incoherent as well.

Think you should only Write in emoji

That's a tall task. And if I remember correctly, Gretchen McCulloch mentioned in her book Because Internet that she had considered giving a presentation in emoji but realised the limitations of emojis. They're not quite a language due to the many possible interpretations. There's no agreed-upon way to read emojis. (And, again if I'm remembering this correctly, she described them as gestures instead. Ah, here we go.)

Never mind I give up

sometimes that's hard too, especially for the rules that have been ingrained in you

@rainonthehillside @litanyofthemartyrs a penny for your thoughts? (optional)

[kat-of-seventy-seven-roses]

the amount of absolute giga chads (spam accounts, reposters, and aiartists tm) in the naruto tag i have given the honor of blocking, tnight has been insane.

its an absolute cespool over here

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

What can I say? They're my favorite.

[hellsite-detective]

looking for a post of fnaf unreality which used the words: "english will" to describe springtrap.

ah, a Five Nights at Freddy's post. didn't think i'd be lookin' for one of these, but i gotta say, i ain't complainin'. this anon was lookin' for a post that described William Afton as "English Willy." now, i didn't have the pleasure of workin' on the Afton Case back in the 80s, but i like to think this is my little way of contributin' to that investigation.

headin' over to the tumblr search bar, i typed in "fnaf unreality english will" and found a masterpost with several screenshots. pretty convenient, and i could've just linked that. but there were so many posts there, i didn't wanna risk gettin' the case wrong. so i kept diggin'.

i headed over to the blog mentioned in the screenshots and decided i was gonna grab every single one of those posts and link them below. was this overkill? maybe. but in this line of work, you could never be too careful. i went through the original poster's blog, grabbin' all the posts that i could find, and brought them back to my office for cataloguing.

hopefully this is what you were lookin' for! now, the masterpost mentioned it was "part 2" but i couldn't find any evidence of a part 1 on the blog. either way, i hope you enjoy these! have a great day!

[favoure]

me when my homie doesn't love me like he used to

[clubnate]

my good friend sisky business has leaked the cruise setlist months before its happening lmao

[keiitopop]

JOYOUS WORLD. I LOVE LIVING 🩵🩵🩵

[popponn]

mysme is doing wonders for my mental health i miss you so much my defender of justice 707 my love my star my planet the light of my life the bfest bf to ever bf the earth

[unproduciblesmackdown]

bonus thing i cherish in this shot is that it's the one time it's immediately noticeable that her hair length is uneven....let's go Cutting One's Own Hair (With Or Without A Mirror) look havers irl (b/c of cutting one's own hair with or without a mirror, maybe) & even when it's recreated on purpose like so

[mymarifae]

ok...i think that's all the birthday wishes

^ real life image of me after you all killed me by being too sweet and kind and nice wtf

thank you, everyone!!!!! every little "happy birthday!" really made my day :') i'm glad i could celebrate today with you guys 💗 giving you all a hug and a cupcake line up let's go one at a time ^^ 🫂🧁

[acherontian]

we don't hate our roommate but she does piss us off most of the time.

[shatterthefragments]

I know I know don’t trust your feelings at night

And especially don’t trust them when you wake up in the middle of the night after a 12 hr shift.

But. Fuck. I’m. Feeling a lot.

[pampamtiger]

laundry laundry laundry

[mahgyu]

Ino smut + N$FW audio

• minors do not interact!

──── Your parents may not approve of your relationship with Ino, but that wasn't enough to make him stay away from you, let alone to stop him from invading your room during the night.

"Ah! Takuma, fuck." Ino grinned unabashedly, gripping your hips as he increases the pace of his thrusts.

"Shhh..." He whispers against your ear, slowly licking below the cartilage. "We don't want your dad to come in here and find his good daughter sitting on the troublemaker he forbade you from seeing, isn't it, love?"

Your intimacy throbs, squeezing the hard cock between your wet walls as you ride up and down on Ino's thick length. Your forehead pressed against his shoulder, biting your lips to contain the loud sounds, but unable to help the gasping breaths that escape from oneself.

"Hmm... Fuck, princess." He throws his head back, groaning softly, leaning against the headboard of the bed, lowering his gaze to watch his own cock disappear into your hungry pussy, drawing air through his teeth at the obscene sight. "So damn hot, baby."

You disengage from Ino's shoulder to kiss him messily, intertwining the tongues in quick movements, not holding back the interrupted moan you let out when he held onto your ass more firmly, thrusting deeper into you.

The sound of his full balls slapping against you was starting to get loud, and you wanted to warn him, but all that came out of your mouth were whimpering moans and gasping breaths.

Both stared at each other, intoxicated by one another. "You're almost coming, aren't you, pretty? squeezing me like that..." Ino murmured against your lips, feeling your insides clench around his cock. "Come, kitten, make a mess on me." He urges with his voice still low.

You kiss him again, intending to contain the scandalous moans that wanted to escape your mouth. "Takuma-ah!" You whimper against the boy's soft lips as you unravel against his skilled movements.

Ino releases a restrained grunt against the skin of your shoulder, spurting inside you as his orgasm arrives. Breathing heavily as he gradually slows down his movements.

"Holy shit!" He breathes out. You smile shyly, equally trying to regulate your breathing. "You better go home, Takuma, before my parents come to see what those noises were." You warn him as you give pecks on Ino's lips and try to get out of his lap.

"So is that it? You use me and then just throw me away? I'm just a whore to you, aren't I?" He feigns drama, both of you laughing softly as you lightly tap his shoulder. "Let me stay just a little while longer, okay?" Ino clings to you like a koala, ignoring your protests and holding you affectionately in his embrace.

Takuma Ino's Version! Before concluding the series, is there any other character you would like to suggest?

Your interaction is very important to me, reblogs and comments are always welcome. 🫶🏻💕

[ramonathinks]

nanami drabble based on this (minors do not interact)

your sweet boyfriend nanami isn’t that old. but when he hears you say, “i want you to fuck me like a whore.” he gulps and almost spits out his drink.

“you want me to what?” he’s bouncing his leg and pulling you close against his chest to hear you say it again.

“i want you to fuck me.”

“don’t i always?” he chuckles, but the glint in your eyes are still there and a deep pout on your lips. “we always—”

“we make love. we have sex. but… i want you to fuck me. i want it rough and dirty—"

“do you know what you’re asking of me? i can’t… why would i want to be rough with my delicate baby, hm?”

“you can be rough with me and still show how much you love me… i love making love with you, but tonight i want you to just let loose and not so responsible,”

he thinks it over all night before he actually makes his way to bed. swallowing hard and his palms shaking. he’s never had this to be requested of him.

but when he sees you… naked and spread for him, he’s no longer thinking like the sweet man you know.

he’s flipping you over quickly and putting a hand over your mouth as he slips inside of you, no foreplay, just thrusting. a pinch of pain and your muffled voice making his eyes go hazy, his hips with a kind of their own as he pounds inside of you.

kissing and biting up and down your neck, he whispers words he never thought to urge, “you like when daddy fucks you? when i show you how this is mine?”

pushing your back down he continues, feeling you squeezing around him. tears streaming down your face and your eyes rolling back, “thought you wanted this? now you can’t speak? talk to daddy.”

but the only talking he can hear is the squishy sounds echoing off the walls as he fills your cunt, the fast thrashing of skin slapping together. “n-nanami—ah!”

your hands are pushing him away but he’s rubbing eagerly at your clit. “just a breakkkkk!”

“nuh uh. gonna break this pussy in, show her the new me.” your legs are shaking as he does a devilish smile, thrusting inside of you again

[bitterrfruit]

Simon forgets how strong he is

18+ MDNI - cw: bruising - ~700 words

just some Simon Riley NSFW brainrot ♥︎ - part 2-ish, and part 3-ish here!!

Simon forgets how to be gentle.

When he's at war, fighting and shooting and killing day and night, all he knows is hardness. Brutality. Ruthlessness. His hands and heart grow calloused and rough in his months away from you. Using his unfathomable strength to survive is what he grows used to, it becomes second nature.

But it's your softness he remembers, to keep himself sane. It's all he thinks about. Dreams of.

The way the flesh of your hips, your ass, your breasts, your belly, pillows so deliciously between his fingers when he squeezes his handful - so warm, so supple. The way your vanilla-balmed lips graze his scarred skin so tenderly, however undeserved your sweetness is.

And when he finally returns home, after months of missing, craving you - when you stand in the door, honey thighs bare by virtue of the black panties you wore just to torture him, soft tummy peeking out from under your crop-top - he just can't restrain himself.

You greet him with your sugary smile, stretching up on your toes to curl your loving arms around his neck - your gentle voice, music; "Si, ah! I'm so glad you're okay…"

The moment your velvet skin touches his, his shackles crumble. Like a beast starved, he clutches you. Mammoth arms curl around you, constricting, gripping you eagerly like you might be a dream; liable to turn to a memory, to smoke.

His avaricious embrace lifts your feet from the ground, though he doesn't mean to - he burrows his nose and mouth into the crook of your neck, lets the curls of your hair smother him and fill his chest with the faint scent of your fruity shampoo. Fights every urge to take a bite, like you're a ripe nectarine.

Growls into your skin, through his jaw; "I fuckin' missed you, love. Christ, you have no idea how much I missed you."

"I missed you too, baby…" you coo into his ear, even your breathing is tender - he can't take it.

So he ferries you immediately to the sitting room, scoops you up like you weigh nothing, lets you coil your buttery thighs around his waist as he sits you on his lap on the sofa.

His wide hands take their greedy handfuls of your body - of your waist, of your hips, of your thighs, of your ass. Finally indulging the impulses he had dreamed about for so long - the very image he had fucked his fist to more times than he could count while parted from you.

With his teeth on your shoulder, tongue laving your warm skin; "So fuckin' soft," he grumbles deeply, and urges, "pretty thing. So soft. Fuck, I missed you."

His cock is hasty to grow boulder-solid under his trousers, and he chastises himself - but you answer with a cloying giggle, grinding your mound against its rigidity as if to torment him.

"Mm, you did miss me," you tease, little brat.

Then in an instant, all he can think about is the softness of your syrupy pussy, the gumminess of the inside of your cunt as its walls caress and milk his cock like it was built just to fit him.

You make him fucking ravenous, so voraciously eager to have you that he doesn't even notice his hands turn to vices around your flesh - fingers burrowing so deeply into the cheek of your ass that he might break through the skin.

"Ah!" You yelp, "Ow - Simon - you're hurting me-"

Your squeak of pain is enough to immediately shatter him - so he rapidly lifts you off of him, protecting you from his impulse. Stands you on your feet so that you're no longer victim to his inability to control himself.

"Shit, I'm sorry-" he grunts under his breath, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's-" Your brows curl in worry, turning to look at where he had clawed you - and he sees the purple bruises where his hand had wrenched the flesh of your ass, the red lines where his fingernails had nearly punctured you. "Oh," you breathe at the sight, "…wow."

Drowning in visceral shame, he can barely bring himself to touch you again. But your soft hand caresses his hair, running through the sandy tresses - you, somehow, the one to comfort him.

"It's okay, baby, I know you didn't mean to," you purr fondly, and he leans forward to shamefully press as soft a kiss as he can into the bruise he gave you. Fucking monster.

"I'm sorry," he croaks into your skin, hoping his guilt will reverse his barbarity. "I just missed you."

"I know," you croon, turning to plant a loving kiss into his hair. "It's okay."

You guide him to lean back, mounting his lap again, letting your pelvis grind against the erection you were quick to reawaken.

His hands barely ghosting over your skin, he restrains himself, touches you carefully.

You whisper, into his stubbled cheek; "I'll show you how to be gentle again."