#agressive six future

[aristotletchaikovsky]

- What is it? The-these are funkids?

- Yep, but this is not just funkids but a fankids according to my au.

- I want to introduce you, ladies and gentlemens, Fred and Adam!

[visenya-den]

Nouveaux chapitres bis

tw: médicaments, rupture amoureuse, sexe, violences/agressions sexuelles (mais aussi message d���espoir)

Il y a quelques temps je postais un message intitulé “Nouveaux Chapitres” sur ce tumblr, disant que ma vie prenait un chemin différent, que j’avais d’autres centres d’intérêts. Ce titre était un peu prémonitoire.

Ce post va être un peu personnel, parce qu’il va parler d’une relation. Et de la fin de celle-ci.

Après six ans de relation, mon premier amour m’a larguée. Première rupture. Et ça a fait un mal de chien. J’ai cru que je n’allais jamais m’en remettre, j’avais mal physiquement. J’étais tellement épuisée de ressasser toute la journée le pourquoi du comment que je m’endormais vite le soir pour rêver de lui, pour me réveiller avec le manque de lui. Vraiment je tremblais physiquement.

Un jour il m’annonce ne pas vouloir d’enfant. Choc. Il sait que j’en veux un. Mais je ne peux pas lui en vouloir de changer d’avis, tout le monde a le droit de changer d’avis à un moment ou à un autre. C’est même très honnête de sa part je trouve. Je dois donc réfléchir à soit faire le deuil de notre relation, soit le deuil d’un hypothétique futur enfant. Je me laisse le temps de réfléchir. Pour que deux jours plus tard par sms je reçoive le fameux “je ne t’aime plus”. Il voulait que je rompe à sa place dès le départ. J’ai essayé de comprendre, pourquoi il ne m’aimait plus, mais il n’y avait rien à faire. Il est parti du jour au lendemain en me laissant sur le bord du chemin.

Il m’a laissée. Mon avenir s’effondrait. J’étais au plus bas, mais en même temps, et étrangement, je me sentais extrêmement forte. Je ne me suis jamais sentie aussi forte de ma vie. Ni si déterminée. 

J’ai pensé à fuir, à quitter mon appartement, ma ville, pour ne plus le croiser. Et puis je me suis dit, pourquoi? Pourquoi quitter mon confort, ma qualité de vie? Pour tout recommencer ailleurs? ça aurait pu m’aider. Mais non. J’ai déménagé à 850km de chez moi pour être avec lui. Eh bien j’y reste. Mais ce choix n’a cessé de changer les premiers jours. J’étais une girouette qui changeait d’avis en permanence, quand bien même tout le monde disait “Ne prends pas de décision à chaud”. Ils avaient raison.

J’ai quand même été chez un médecin, pour qu’il m’aide, pour chasser ces pensées qui m’envahissaient, pourquoi? peut-être qu’il reviendra une fois qu’il se sera rendu compte de son erreur? (spoiler alert: c’est normal de penser ça, c’est normal d’espérer, mais l’espoir fait plus mal qu’autre chose). J’ai pris un de ces médicaments et j’ai été heureuse pendant quelques heures. Au bout de ces quelques heures, j’ai décidé de faire une chose mauvaise. Je connaissais le mot de passe que mon ex utilisait partout, alors je me suis dit, tiens, allons voir sur facebook si ça marche? Pourquoi il a vraiment rompu étant donné qu’au fond de moi, je ne le sentais pas honnête. Depuis six ans, je le connaissais. J’avais vu qu’il n’était pas tranquille. Et j’avais raison. Il y avait une autre fille. Je me suis sentie mal de rompre sa “confiance” ainsi, chose que je n’avais pas faite en six de relation. Pas une seule fois. D’autant plus que je ne suis absolument pas jalouse! J’avais une confiance et une foi aveugle en lui. Mais faire ça, ça m’a aidée (mais c’est aussi à double tranchant, j’ai lu des choses sur moi que je n’aurais pas du, j’en avais parfaitement conscience cependant lorsque j’ai réussi à accéder à son compte). 

Dans la cuvette les médicaments. J’avais ma réponse. LA réponse. Et quelques jours après ma rupture, le soir même de ma “découverte”, j’allais déjà mieux. En fait, savoir m’a libérée d’un poids. Et je me suis rendue compte que ce poids, ce n’était pas la culpabilité. C’était lui. Lui qui m’étouffait depuis quelques temps maintenant. Alors oui, il s’est comporté comme un lâche, un trouillard. Mais au final, il m’avait rendu service en partant. Parce que j’étais libre. Libre de lui. Libre de vivre mes rêves. Au final, je me dis que peut-être, c’est lui le plus courageux de nous deux d’avoir osé faire le premier pas. Mais je me refuse de penser ça trop souvent parce qu’il m’a larguée en me mentant, me manipulant. 

J’ai toujours rêvé d’aller en Egypte, depuis ma plus tendre enfance. Je lui en avais parlé, que j’adorerais qu’on y aille ensemble. Parce que je cherchais quelqu’un pour m’y accompagner, et il était d’accord. Eh bien, j’irai! J’irai seule. En voyage organisé composé uniquement de femmes, mais seule quand même. J’ai franchi le pas. J’ai osé. Je me sens forte. Je me sens libre. Je me sens séduisante et affamée de la vie. J’avais toujours pensé, pendant six ans, à nous. Plus à “moi”. A nous. Je ne peux pas faire ça parce qu’il n’aime pas trop. Sans le savoir je me sacrifiais. Sacrifiais mes envies pour lui. Dans un couple il faut savoir faire des compromis. C’est ce qu’on dit, et certes c’est vrai. Mais je pense avec le recul que le plus important, c’est de ne pas oublier qui on est, UN individu, tout seul. Et c’est cette individualité que j’avais perdu. 

Il y a des moments qui font mal. Un peu de nostalgie quand je repense au passé, et aux bons moments. Aux choses que je ne ferai plus avec lui. Parce que des bons moments, il n’y a eu que ça dans notre relation. C’est ça qui a rendu la rupture aussi brutale et choquante. J’ai essayé de ne pas me laisser envahir par la haine, parce que ça n’apporte rien de bon. Et vous savez quoi? J’ai échoué. J’ai échoué lorsque j’ai appris qu’il m’avait trompée. Mais la haine n’a duré que quelques heures. Parce que je n’ai pas que ça à faire, je dois me concentrer sur le plus important: moi. Note importante. Je crois en la sororité. Je ne l’ai pas détestée elle, qui n’avait rien demandé. C’est lui qui est allé la trouver. Je l’ai détesté LUI. 

On m’a dit que le temps guérissait toutes les blessures. C’est sans doute vrai. J’en suis encore aux premières étapes de ma guérison. Mais je vais déjà mieux. Evidemment cette rupture a aussi ravivé des vieilles blessures, est-ce que je retrouverais quelqu’un d’autre? Saurais-je plaire? Satisfaire? J’y travaille actuellement. ça a toujours été compliqué, étant une victime d’agression sexuelle. J’ai des bagages assez lourds avec moi. Des bagages dont il aura eu marre. J’ai toujours eu un petit manque de confiance en moi. Je vais avoir vingt-huit ans, j’ai envie d’envoyer chier les convenances qui disent que les femmes doivent être séduisantes, ou sont là pour séduire. Je lis actuellement la Chair est triste hélas d’Ovidie.  

Au fil de ma lecture, j’ai noté quelques “citations” ou paragraphes que je permet de partager. tw: sexe, violences/agressions sexuelles.

On a beau connaître l’histoire par coeur, on revient sans cesse vers eux, et le plus grave c’est qu’on les défend. Il ne faudrait pas non plus passer pour des méchantes sorcières misandres, des féministes poilues, qui, c’est bien connu, finiront seules avec leur chat, malheureuse de ne plus être regardées. On craint tellement d’être décotées à l’argus qu’on préfère caresser les hommes dans le sens du poil, y compris lorsqu’ils nous humilient, lorsqu’ils nous frappent et nous violent, car rien n’est pire dans notre société que de ne plus être désirable. On accepte de rester chosifiées à condition d’être un objet de valeur, pas une salope bon marché. On est prêtes à tout, même à enfoncer les autres femmes dans une compétition intrasexuelle sans pitié.[...] Car la beauté des autres nous insécurise. Il n’y qu’à observer notre tête lorsqu’une belle femme fait irruption dans notre espace. Nous la jalousons, et parfois nous allons jusqu’à la rabaisser. 

“Moi au moins j’ai un cerveau!” m’avait dit cette collègue en observant un groupe de mannequins. Pour elle, une femme n’avait pas le droit d’être à la fois belle et intelligente, toutes les fées ne pouvaient se pencher sur le même berceau, il fallait choisir son camp dès le départ. Toi tu seras moche et tu monnaieras ton intelligence, toi tu seras belle et tu marchanderas ton corps et ta valeur de femme-trophée. Nous reproduisons entre nous ce que les hommes font de nous. [...]

Et je reste persuadée que si nous nous démolissons dans cette compétition sanglante, où chacune se définit en rivale de l’autre, c’est parce que les femmes se construisent par opposition ou par mimétisme. Combien de fois, dans mon insécurité, me suis-je positionnée en ennemie là où au contraire, j’aurais du faire front avec mes sœurs.

Je ne suis pas mal baisée parce que je suis féministe, c’est absolument l’inverse: je suis féministe parce que je suis mal baisée. Et si toutes les mal baisées de la terre s’unissaient, elles créeraient le mouvement politique le plus puissant de tous les temps, et le monde imploserait.

Et pourtant au fond de moi, une petite oie blanche a longtemps cru que le sexe n’était jamais aussi bon que lorsque des sentiments s’y mêlaient, que seule la relation amoureuse apportait jouissance et complétude. “Et un beau jour, j’en fais le serment, te délivrera le baiser d’un prince charmant”: c’est ainsi que comme toutes les petites filles j’ai été élevée. 

[A propos de #MeToo] La prise de conscience du fait, que, sans l’ébruiter; nous étions reliées par un traumatisme commun, une violence ancestrale subie de génération en génération. [...] “Comment continuer à désirer nos bourreaux?” ai-je quelque part entendu. C’est une bonne question.

J’ai aussi peur de le revoir. Mais j’étouffe cette peur. Parce que je suis heureuse, à 98% du temps. Il y a toujours ces 2% qui me bouffent parfois. Mais ça passera. Je suis libre. Je suis forte. Je fais des projets, je prévois des sorties alors que je n’en faisais pas avant. Je me rends compte que je suis entourée. Soutenue. 

♥ 

[pdj-france]

Dernière mise à jour : 20 août 2023, 13 h 45 ISTLes garde-côtes chinois auraient utilisé un canon à eau contre les navires des garde-côtes philippins dans la mer de Chine méridionale le 5 août 2023, sur cette photo publiée le 6 août 2023. (Reuters)Les États-Unis, le Japon et l'Australie prévoient un exercice naval conjoint en mer de Chine méridionale au milieu de l'agression chinoise, soulignant l'engagement envers l'État de droit dans la régionLes États-Unis, le Japon et l'Australie prévoient cette semaine un exercice naval conjoint dans la mer de Chine méridionale au large de l'ouest des Philippines pour souligner leur engagement envers l'État de droit dans la région après une récente agression chinoise dans les eaux contestées, la sécurité philippine ont annoncé dimanche des responsables.Le 5 août, des navires des garde-côtes chinois ont utilisé des canons à eau contre des navires philippins dans la voie navigable contestée où les différends ont longtemps été considérés comme un point d'éclair potentiel et sont devenus une ligne de faille dans la rivalité entre les États-Unis et la Chine dans la région.L'exercice comprendra trois porte-avions et porte-hélicoptères naviguant ensemble dans une démonstration de force et entreprenant des exercices conjoints. Leurs commandants doivent rencontrer leurs homologues philippins à Manille suite aux exercices en mer, ont affirmé deux responsables de la sécurité philippine à l'Associated Press.Tous deux ont parlé sous le couvert de l'anonymat car ils ne sont pas autorisés à discuter publiquement des détails des exercices prévus.Les États-Unis prévoient de déployer un porte-avions, l'USS America, tandis que le Japon enverrait l'un de ses plus gros navires de guerre, le porte-hélicoptères JS Izumo. La Royal Australian Navy enverrait son HMAS Canberra, qui transporte aussi des hélicoptères, a indiqué l'un des deux responsables, ajoutant que l'exercice conjoint était prévu il y a quelques mois.Les Philippines ne participeront pas aux exercices de cette semaine grâce à limitations logistiques militaires, mais sont prêtes à y participer dans le futur, a annoncé le responsable.Les États-Unis, le Japon et l'Australie faisaient partie de plusieurs pays qui ont tout de suite exprimé leur soutien aux Philippines et leur inquiétude face à l'action chinoise à la suite de l'impasse tendue du début du mois.Des responsables philippins ont affirmé que six navires des garde-côtes chinois et deux navires de la milice ont bloqué deux bateaux civils affrétés par la marine philippine qui ravitaillent les forces philippines stationnées au Second Thomas Shoal. Un bateau de ravitaillement a été touché par un puissant canon à eau par les garde-côtes chinois tandis que l'autre a réussi à livrer de la nourriture, de l'eau, du carburant et d'autres fournitures aux forces philippines qui gardaient le haut-fond, a annoncé l'armée philippine.Les garde-côtes chinois ont reconnu que leurs navires avaient utilisé des canons à eau contre les navires philippins, qui, d'après eux, se sont égarés sans autorisation dans le haut-fond, que Pékin appelle Ren'ai Jiao.« Afin d'éviter les blocages directs et les collisions quand les avertissements répétés étaient inefficaces, des canons à eau ont été utilisés comme avertissement. L'opération sur place a été professionnelle et sobre, ce qui est irréprochable », a annoncé la garde côtière chinoise. "La Chine continuera de prendre les mesures nécessaires pour sauvegarder fermement sa souveraineté territoriale."L'armée philippine a annoncé samedi qu'elle tenterait à nouveau de livrer des fournitures de base à ses forces dans le Second Thomas Shoal, mais n'a pas fourni plus de détails.La mission "sur le haut-fond est une démonstration claire de notre détermination à nous opposer aux menaces et à la coercition et de notre engagement à faire respecter l'État de droit", ont affirmé les Forces armées des Philippines dans une déclaration.À la suite de l'incident, Washington a renouvelé

un avertissement d'après lequel il est obligé de défendre son allié de longue date si des navires et des forces publiques philippines sont victimes d'attaques armées, y compris en mer de Chine méridionale.(Cette histoire n'a pas été éditée par le personnel de News18 et est publiée à partir d'un flux d'agence de presse syndiqué - Associated Press) RohitRohit est un journaliste de News18.com avec une passion pour les affaires mondiales et un amour pour le football. Suivez-le sur Twitter à @heis_rohit...Read More

[buttdawg]

G1 Climax 33 Standings/Predictions/Whatever

One big advantage to this year's G1 Climax format is that it's a lot harder to tell who's going to make it to the finals. There's four blocks, and the first and second place scorers for each block will advance to a quarterfinal round. Usually, with these round robin tournaments, one or two guys pulls ahead pretty early on, and it's fairly obvious who's winning the block. At best, a couple of guys in the block will manage to catch up enough to threaten the leader, but the rest of the field ends up being mathematically eliminated.

I wanted to write up a thing with who I want to win, and who will probably win, but I kept putting it off because I wanted to see how the tournament played out, and now we're near the end and I still don't have a clear picture. We'll talk about it under the cut.

For example, this year's A Block winner is already SANADA, since he's leading with 10 points and no one can catch up to him with the matches that are left. But there's some stiff competition for second place. Kaito Kiyomiya and Shooter Umino are tied at 6, and the next four guys have enough points that they could conceivably pull ahead if they win their last two matches. I'm pretty sure Ren Narita's dead in the water, but that's still a lot more competitive than what I'm used to seeing in a G1 Block.

I would like Shota Umino to capture that second place spot, although it's his first G1, so that seems kind of unlikely. Then again, he and Kaito Kiyomiya are tied for second at the moment, and it's Kaito's first G1 also. And Kaito's not even a New Japan guy, so maybe it's not such a pipe dream for either of them to make the playoffs.

For that matter, the rest of A-Block seems to be first-timers, except SANADA and Chase Owens, and let's be real, they're not letting that fucker Chase Owns into the quarterfinals. I'm low-key annoyed that they put him in the tournament at all, and if he wins second place I might ragequit my subscription. You're telling me he's the 30th best wrester in NJPW? No. Anyway, Chase would need to beat SANADA to stand a chance at advancing to the playoffs, so I doubt that's going to happen. So it looks like it's going to be SANADA and a newbie, so why not Shota Umino, who's already ahead of most of the competition?

The other three blocks are less certain. Okada and Ospreay are in the lead in B-Block, with 8 points apiece. But Taichi's in 3rd place with 6, so it's not impossible that he might pull ahead of Ospreay. If he can tie Ospreay, he'd win because he beat him in their league match, so that'd be pretty awesome, because fuck Will Ospreay. He and Dave Meltzer can go fist each other in the forest.

But they'll probably send Okada and Ospreay to the playoffs, because Okada's their biggest star and they need Ospreay to continue this never-ending bullshit saga of who's going to lead NJPW into the future.

In C-Block, the current leaders are David Finlay and EVIL. Finlay took over Bullet Club while I wasn't watching, and his policy seems to be that Bullet Club should be hyper-agressive and mean all the time. This directly conflict with EVIL's "House of Torture" subgroup, which was founded on a philosophy of winning matches by kicking opponents in the balls over and over and over again. Seriously, EVIL's been a Bullet Club guy for three years now and he's wrestled exactly one match style that entire time. I hated the guy before he turned heel, and now he's even worse because his shitty heel act has become shitty AND stale. Evil fucking sucks.

I don't have strong opinions about David Finlay. Anything that gets him away from Juice Robinson is a good thing, but I don't think it's a good sign when Kevin Kelly has to keep reminding us of how everyone wrote him off as Jay White 2.0, but he's totally proven that he's not just a cheap Jay White clone. If that were true, Kevin, you probably wouldn't still feel the need to tell us that six months on.

Anyway, I can accept one shitty Bullet Club leader going to the playoffs, but not two. I'd much rather see Eddie Kingston make it to the quarterfinals, and that seems to be possible. He'[s in 4th place at the moment, behind Finlay, EVIL, and Tama Tonga, and he's also facing Finlay and Tonga in his last two block matches. So if he managed to win both of those, he'd be at 10 points with tiebreakers over each of them. I think that would get him where he needs to be.

As for D-Block, you've got Jeff Cobb and Zack Sabre Junior in the lead, and that's a-okay with me. They're tied at 8, which I don't think is 100% safe, but it's still pretty good.

Naito and Tanahashi are behind them with 6 points apiece, so it's probable that one or both of them could make it to the playoffs instead. I don't care for this, since the ongoing narrative with Tanahashi is that he's a big star who's slowly falling apart, and he keeps losing his matches because he can't accept that his finishing move, the Top Rope Fuckinator, might not be tactically sound for a 46-year-old man. I suspect that Naito's in the same storyline as Tanahashi, but no one's told him or the NJPW bookers that. All I know is these guys used to be big deals in New Japan, so every year they're presented as major players who could win the big one, only to get absolutely destroyed by guys like Jeff Cobb and Zack Sabre Junior. Whoever wins D-Block is probably just going to get beaten by Okada or Finlay, so let's just have a fresh match for that, okay?

The bottom line here is that I'm pretty satisfied with where this tournament seems to be heading. I don't particularly want Ospreay or EVIL in the lead, but it doesn't surprise me that they might advance, and my faves still have a strong chance. Mostly, it's just refreshing that I'm this far into the G1 and I still don't know who's going to the finals, which is a welcome change of pace from "Fuck you, we're doing Ibushi again."

[the-sinking-feeling-starts]

these fucken people tell me how much they care for me and how much they want to be here with me

and it all gets snatched in the flip of a switch

my tragedy is made for art

my life has no privacy

i have no one to physically talk to

i crave intimacy

i crave peace

i crave freedom

but in the end of the day i am still alone in these four walls suffocating and being exploited and having my words i write, spread to people who dont deserve to hear my thoughts

i am so fucken tired of living like this

people and their war crimes and their hatred and their control and their emotional manipulation and their god complexes

all my lines get crossed all my green lights turn into blue lights and red lights

i fall in reverse into the past and skip ahead to the future to find a new one

everyone loves to talk their talk, state their case, and share their opinion. buts its all a facade

the tv censors me alone in my bedroom

sir, you can't flip off the camera. stick to the script now! cmon dude!

the comments all perfectly made "we love you! great voice! great setlist! great episode! but could you possibly try to be less agressive with your tone???? the audience isnt really vibin to it? your borderline personality disorder is showing. im not a psychiatrist but that's the general public's opinion.

these fuckers have the balls to talk their shit and control my life and what i do or say or what devices i use to escape this cruel world but dont dare to look me in the eye, or give me compassion

they run the great pretender play and bring up my history and how i watched my mother die on Valentine's day.

theres no remorse, they have no shame, they have no care for me or my heart or what they have been doing to me for months.

are you there? are you watching me? are you singing with me? are you crying with me?

they steal everything from me, they dont go away, they linger in the shadows. they only think about me on the tv. they follow me from town to town.

its all so fucked up and i am living an absolute nightmare for months now. hell, even years it seems; looking back at it

we have been six feet under, the blues, the yellows, the call me backs, the bow before your gods, the feedback, the treason. all in the sake of my heart.

we have been going thru the cycles for months now; been told its gonna get better; but it just worsens day by day. the crimes increase day by day; the liars increase day by day.

so yeah, i will blog about that, i will bet the lucky numbers on the bingo, i will give two fingers to the skynet

you can infiltrate my systems, preform your power tactics, give your love out and then take it back right away, you can talk your talk, but you cant change who i am or what i believe in.

i wont let the headlines get any of my time.

this cant keep up. and i wont allow my soul to keep up with this. i have stated my case numerous times. its my way. if you truly truly care for me. it is time for you to make a move and see me face to face. this digital life and analyzing every move is tearing me apart. I have put my life on the line for so long for these men and they are too "shy" and "insecure" and "busy"

i don't want to have to keep secrets, i dont want to have to play a character, i dont want to have to deal with narcissistic abuse anymore. after everything i have been through that i have not deserved, i need someone. i need a hug, i need to be able to sit down in public with someone and feel like im not just being misguided or forshadowed for the sake of the play.

im so sick of the experiments and the tests and the crossing of lines and the your right their wrong no im right no your wrong, no your opinion is sus, no your opinion is manipulative. its fucken exhausting and mind numbing having to always second guess yourself or question who you are talking to or thinking about when it can all be switched in the algorithm in seconds.

no matter what you do, what you say, how hard you try, there is always going to be opposition and criticism. you are damned if you do and damned if you dont. life is too short to deal with this fuckery. i have lost way to many people close to me to have to grieve in isolation like this and be a human punching bag for whoever has the m i c at the time. the mics will drop, the birds will chirp.. time will heal all wounds and the cycle will repeat. on and onn and on and onn and on and onnn

im not your robot, im just me

and you can fuck off! hope the feedback is seen and herd and the glitch will be fixed. thats not love. thats trauma and abuse.

thats what i think about valentines day 2023.

shame, shameful

sincerely from my broken heart,

Tyler Pierce

12:51 a.m. 02/15/23

[rainpudding]

Hiii sweety c;

I loooveee your writting

Hope you are fine 💖

Can I request some angst alphabet C,F,H,I,K,N,

Or P with Venti and zhongli separately?

note; since im venti simp I decided to do venti, but i will do zhongli later, also due to kidnapping being too long I will do part 2 with others later.

- also thanks for those kind words! They make my heart warm >3

ANGST ALPHABET | VENTI

kidnapped

TW: venti going insane, agressive behavior, alcohol, su1cide,

Kidnapped (you’re kidnapped)

It was morning around nine am, the sun was peeking through white curtains tingling Venti's cheeks. He was too tired from the day before, and his head hurt. As if someone stabbed him multiple times with miniature needles. He just pulled his blanket over his head, muttering your name. As he turned around looking for a warm comfort he was left just by cold silence. He jumped out of bed, wondering where you might be, your shared room was messy and cold. As if you were looking for something and had to leave in hurry.

This made him slightly uneasy, you're not that type of person that would strictly wake up at six am and go for a daily stroll. He got dressed deciding to look for you, in case something bad would happen to you.

He started by walking around Mondstadt, still with a lightweight head he hummed tunes, softly playing his lyre. Expecting to bump into you at any given moment. He was wrong, it felt like you disappeared into thin air. His cheeky smile turned into a more nervous one, he started questioning people around him. Asking if they saw you, just for them to shake their heads and turn their back on him. This made him fall into a spiral of paranoia. Just where could you go? Where are you? He was now running around asking people again and again as if he thought they would give him a different answer.

A day later he successfully made knights print missing posters of you. They were everywhere, even in the most unusual places. He spent all his life savings to ask Mona to tell him your future, however, she just pouted as she said that your fate in stars was too foggy for her to see. He started to grow more and more anxious, it felt like the Celestia turned a blind eye on him. No matter how much time he spent in the church, begging Celestia to help him find you.

The fourth day of you missing was the day his sanity started to slowly slip out, when he one day found a letter on his doorstep, the letter saying that you have been kidnapped and that it was revenge for khaneriah. His heart dropped. His body shivering in a pool full of fear. He took dvalin, flying over the whole mondstadt, he even went to Lyuie to meet Zhongli and talk to him about the letter. Zhongli however didn't bring him as much comfort as he hoped. He just said that mortal lives are fragile, and you were a mere sacrifice for his past mistakes.

Knowing that everyone ignored him, and no one came to help. His heart turned into stone. Wherever he went, a heavy tension hanging behind him.  He became much more aggressive, when someone approach him to sign a tune for money he just bitterly laughed. He no longer smiled, he was just emotionlessly staring at the wall. When talking he was yelling his lungs out or answering with small "yes" "no". It felt like all his kindness left his body a long time ago. For a while, he enjoyed writing poems, in the dark corner of your shared house, he was writing his heart out as tears stained the paper. But later his melancholic poems weren't enough, and he stopped singing and performing.

He exchanged dandelion vine for hard alcohol, drinking all the time, constantly getting into fights at the bar. And being known for having a little no patience. He hated everyone, he hated mondstadt, he hated his stupid lyre. He hated you. Every little thing that reminded him of you pissed him off. It ended up being torn or beaten, or just destroyed and thrown into the trash. He was so mad for not being able to protect you, so mad for being so careless. And so mad for you to leave him.

Hatred was pumping through his veins like poison, he was like a ticking bomb that could explode at any given moment. Now ladies and gentlemen (and nonbinary pals) you might ask what would happen if u suddenly showed up? It pretty much depends on when would you show up. Was it before he found the letter, or after?

1, Before :D

Well, congrats there is still time for salvation! Venti might be a bad and heavy drinker but his behavior is still somehow acceptable. If you would suddenly appear in the tavern asking for help, you would be greeted by Venti. He would cling onto you like a koala and cry his eyes out (crying kind of like Zenitsu from demon slayer) he would be very drunk yet very happy.

  Well, he would force you into having an ameno mark on your body. No matter if you like it or not he would still do it. This means that if you disappeared again he would be able to locate you, thanks to his powers.

2: AFTER

It was three months after you disappeared without a trace. Venti was now lying on the cold floor of your shared house. His chest came up and down as the moonlight softened his features. His hair wasn't braided, and his clothes were messy. He was here heavily breathing, pills around him. He thought about destroying Mondstadt, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

You were just opening the door of your house, after days of being tortured by fatui promising to take Venti's gnosis you were sent free. Many scars covered your body yet the idea of reunition with Venti gave you enough power to travel and run all the way from Shenzaya to here. You peeked through the door seeing Venti on the floor," V-venti you will get sick what-" before you could finish your sentence you laid your eyes on the pills around him. Your eyes became glossy as nails dug into your palm, you were shaking so hard. As if there was an earthquake.

Heart in your throat you walked towards him, your legs so weak. You fell down, "I thought, I thought I would never see you again," he laughed sarcastically. He didn't cry, there was sadness in his voice, but on the outside, he was like a porcelain doll. Emotionless.

You wish you could speak, but you couldn't, you just gripped him hard as your knuckles turned white. Trails of tears falling down. Venti's head was on your lap. He smiled, with his weak body he sat up, now his pale slim fingers caressed your cheeks. You held your breath, unsure of what to do you just watched him with wide eyes. He hummed as he wiped your tears and moved to kiss you.

While in the shared kiss he gave you a pill he had. You just blindly swallowed it. And as you did he pulled away, saliva still collecting your lips. He fell to the floor with a quiet chuckle. The pill being a poison you both ended up dying minutes later in each other embrace. Now nobody could take you from him, not even Celestia. (Juliette and Romeo inspired)

[cirusthecitrus]

hmm, i guess hec-tor for the character work game (and anillis too if you want)

Wait all six secrets?! :0 I think I'll only do Hec-Tor then, it'll take me forever othewise gpfgfpgpf

1) An open secret (might have interpreted it differently but who cares)

Literally for an entirety of their lives there's been this perfect idealized image of Kur brothers that other people built around the two. And if something would stand out that might ruin this image it got ignored, made to be seen as a lie or kept from the public like some dirty secret

The most telling example: Hec-Tor is aroace, actually! It is a known fact within his social circle and yet so many people are still trying to deny it and treat this fact as a lie, mainly for his apperances, love for physical contact and the fact that he did tried dating in the past. But some refuse to believe it because they don't want their dreams of making Hec-Tor their trophy husband (or at least spending the night with one of the Kur twins) get crushed. Some older bats even condemn Hec-Tor! for being so open about his own orientation and tell him to hide it. And just how many of them are still trying to keep this fact a secret because "how's Hec-Tor going to find a partner and build a family in the future if he keeps disappointing his potential lovers and suitors like that?" Because of them Hec-Tor still gets a "surprised pikachu face" reaction whenever he rejects someone and then reveals his not-so-secret identity to them. And it's often the same people who knew but kept pursuing him anyway, hoping it's just rumors. Usually such individuals amuse Hec-Tor, but if a person refuses to listen and leave him alone, disrespecting him and his identity, then Hec-Tor gets serious and hires someone to beat the shit out of them^^

Anyway, happy pride 🤪

2) A secret the people close to your character know

The ones who regulary get invited for a game night with the twins know that Hec-Tor is the most insufferable opponent ever. It's like he becomes feral and all his bottled up agression comes out. Otherwise chill and lowkey passive in everyday life he is extremly competitive when it comes to board games. And it's mostly impossible to play with him cause he's also really good at it. He watches and analyzes your every step and he will flip the table if he doesn't like something. When it's a game night everyone already know how it is going to go - Hec-Tor will win, and he will mix everyone with dirt in the process

Only a very small cirlce of people know that it's not a one time thing, it doesn't matter what game it is or how Hec-Tor is feeling on this specific day, he's always like that. But they don't talk about it so as not to discourage new people aka his future victims from playing with him. They keep quiet because a) it's funny b) Anillis insisted. If no one wants to play with Hec-Tor he gets really upset and by upset I mean annoying

3) A secret that your character wouldn't really care about getting out

A long time ago Hec-Tor had his romcom/tv dramas moment, where mc sees her love interest cheating on her but it is actually not her love interest but his long lost twin brother!, but like, reversed. His partner at the time caught him flirting with someone else, got mad, stormed towards him and almost made a scene. Hec-Tor got all tensed up but then an idea came up in his head. And so, he pretended to be Anillis and told his partner that they just mistook him for Hec-Tor* and that there's nothing to worry about. They believed him! then apologized to "Anillis" and happily left off, leaving Hec-Tor and his pair all ._. Soon Hec-Tor broke up with them anyway, but they never found out about Hec-Tor basically getting away with cheating

If one day this secret comes out Hec-Tor won't feel much about it. Yeah it might affect his reputation but the comedic aspect of it all makes the secret worth sharing with others lol

*it happened way before the twins got their distinctive hairstyles btw

4) A secret exactly one person knows anything about

While living in the temple he and Anillis... did something that no one but the two know about. Something reeeally unpleasant (scary even). The boys, now ashamed of their younger selves, swore to each other to never mention it again and never tell a living soul about it. The rest is spoiler

5) A secret no one knows about but they sort of want to come out/to tell someone

It's so hard for Hec-Tor to keep his mouth shut about that passion project of his. He must wait until everything is perfect and ready before he can show it to the world, but he wants to tell everybody about it NOW. He wants to hear people talk about it, make theories, give him praise, but he also doesn't want to ruin the surprise

Yes it is another secret that is known to Anillis as well, but what do you want me to do? These two are inseperable and don't hide anything from each other. Pretty much all of Hec-Tor's secrets are also Anillis' secrets. Well, except for one

6) A secret no one knows and they desperately don't want anyone to know about

Hec-tor hates to admit it, but he can't help but feel good about himself when taking care of Anillis. Ever since his brother got ill Hec-Tor can't stop feeling this almost pride and sense of superiority. "Look at me! I'm such a good person, I'm so great with helping my poor sick brother! It's so nice to be helpful and needed, it's so nice when someone is so dependent on me!" There are also moments when he sees Anillis having a terrible day and can only think about how lucky he is. How he, still healthy, beautiful and perfect, is now better than his twin, and how Anillis is no longer strong and no longer beautiful No matter how bad (and kinda ableist), those are just his intrusive thoughts, but Hec-Tor is terribly afraid that, somehow, Anillis will find out about them and hate him for it and will never speak to him again

[1d-discourseoftheday]

Thurs 14 Jan ‘21

Nobody Is Listening, officially out tomorrow, has already arrived in some parts of the world! As of press time it's #1 on itunes in 24 countries and racking up more by the minute, we should have some exciting stats by tomorrow, plus we'll have heard the whole thing! And not only that, the official listening parties begin very soon, and will hopefully have their tech issues sorted by then, cause yes, I bet you can guess what already happened.... YEP WEBSITE CRASH! Yeah baby, that's what we do! But maybe people are right to be excited the chat does include... maybe Zayn? Someone official (“Zayn admin”) anyway! And just because the event hasn't started is no reason not to gather and start screaming about the album, whether it's out in your area, you're listening to a leak (Niall voice: No Judgement... except he would actually be mad about that lol), or you only are looking at the lyrics which tbh is about more than I can handle all by itself. You guys there is a LOT there, I was going to pull a few things but it's SO MUCH. We'll be unpacking (and soaking in) all this for a while to come, wow.

Niall popped on twitter to promo the new JC Stewart song he co-wrote, and he picked a question about whether he was interested in doing more writing for other people to answer; he said “always writing something, this one just felt right for JC and he put his twist on it.” He followed Olivia Rodrigo and posted about how much he likes her new song, Driver's License (“this song is the real deal... beautifully written”), defended his comment (a series of laugh cry emoji) on a meme post using a pic from the WMYB video, said not drinking this month has been “easy!” and he did a “can't sleep talk to me” AMA-- he recommends MGMT, Kacey Musgraves, Artic Monkeys, and, for crossover excitement, Lucius (who feature on TPWK) and DMA'S (who feature as Louis' fave band)! He also agressively rejected some fan fashion suggestions (“no no no no” “I will not”) of outifts that, uh, look AN AWFUL LOT like ones he has worn to me? If he's serious (and not quietly seething about how we don't get his humor) I have to respect that kind of passion about nearly invisible detail tbh. And speaking of attention to detail! An article about the RAH livestream came out in a crew trade publication so there's just reams of very specific tech detail; but there's also plenty of people saying nice things about Niall! “Niall was very involved in every step of the process. He really gained a full grasp of the situation and during the promotion of the show, he really wanted to educate the public, and his fanbase, about what was going on in the sector,” for example. Tonight Niall told us he would want to do another virtual concert but he'd “need a good reason... a music launch or something.”

Liam has a new video for Hugo Man (that's a perfume in case you were wondering); he says about 2020, “I think we've all learned to rest a little bit more this year, I hope we all keep a little a bit of time for ourselves.” HAVE YA learned to do that though Liam, HAVE YA? Where is this sabbatical you said you were taking right now that you definitely were in great need of? Honey please-- just take a break! We worry! Sigh. Anyway also he changed his social headers and bio in honor of the new projects (SIGH) he's doing right now- it says “here's to the future...” (was previously ticket lnks) which would be a great bio to have up indefinitely while taking a break... or something... maybe he should do that...

Hey remember that YA novel about closeted boybanders in love that we were like, well, at least we won't have to deal with that until next year? WELL GUESS WHAT YEAR IT IS NOW-- the release date isn't until Dec 7 which is VERY FAR AWAY but I guess the hype is beginning now; the title and cover art for If This Gets Out, by Sophie Gonzales and Cale Dietrich, have been revealed. Becky Albertalli (who once wrote a book [Love Simon] about a gay football player with Louis in his name whose secret code name was “bluegreen”) posted to hype up the book, but then followed up with a long post to tell people that in fact you-know-who were NOT the source of those details in Love Simon, and that she is now a new Harry Styles fan but knows nothing about any of that. Sophie Gonzales, who drew the cover art for her new book- a picture of a light haired guy with a long fringe and a curly haired brunet locked in eye contact and a silhouette of the fictional band they're in that looks just like the famous Steal My Girl video shot (or Louis' Walls video reference of same)- says “this book is fictional, and while we're aware of what Larry is, this book was not written about that.”

And in today's Holivia corner, not much action! A mere trickle! Cosmo published a timeline of events that reads just like a tumblr masterpost, complete with 'what is the truth' gifs at the blatant contradictions, but that's about it. “You live in my imagination**,” indeed; much like the rumor started by a single galaxy brained anon claiming that Harry definitely fucked... wait for it... LIAM'S DAD (like, his actual father, Geoff Payne, not some kind of euphemism.) Someone tell Page Six! I have no comment until I get some good analysis of astrological compatibility from their expert...

(**Harry Styles, Olivia, 2015)

[yeowoui]

Choi Yeonjun's Personality

-A Tarot Reading

Disclaimer: These readings are for entertainment purposes, my words are not the gospel and my readings does not justify the future actions of the idol.

Deck used: Light Seers Tarot

Overall Personality

The Hierophant, King of Pentacles (Reversed)

—He's like that two goody shoes boy gone wrong lmao, let me put it in an example like stealing ice cream for a store but it turns out he's gonna give it to a starving child in the alley. That's the kind of personality he has, he has beliefs set straight and will not change it to any means, if he thinks this is wrong despite of what others think it's still WRONG for him, a family person, and wonders about the world so much, has many weird thought but the thing is he can be rash sometimes and be too obsessive, agressive and be too carefree about life, he's a very surprising person, spends money often.

Persona that he doesn't show on camera

Queen of Wands, 3 of Cups (Reversed)

—Although he may appear extroverted and like the person who always parties, he wants to have an alone time too, like a hibernation period for like 5 months lmao. He wants to experience life sometimes on his own too without any people surrounding him, maybe going to a resthouse that is near nature, he wants to have fun without people restricting him what to do He may do things that he doesn't like just for the sake of people around him, he says yes to almost everything because he values what people think about him much, he wants to feel alone and free without eyes preying on him.

Shadow Side

Temperance (Reversed), Judgement

—He can be your worst enemy but also your most trusted friend, he's a scary person to against with. He has many connections and will go in any means just to f*ck you up when you push his button, he will not listen to anyone besides his gut and anger. A different person when you mess with him or a person that is important to him, as he is passionate t in everything that he achieved, and he can be also the type to go into physical fights

Persona around Peers

The Sun, Six of Wands

—Honestly this is so cute, he cheerful and very supportive to his friends, kinda similar to Huening Kai that will go his way to make someone happy (I have already made a Personality reading for all of the members, I'll post the rest of them when I have the time). He helps them whenever he could, and the friend that would surprise or treat you when you feel off or down. He talks often about his friends to everyone and boasts them, he tries to be happy for them.

[gryffindyl]

Arithmancy 102

Methods

There are two methods of assigning values when using Arithmancy.

The first and easiest method, is the Agrippan method which is a method that is based off the Latin alphabet and only uses numbers 1-9.

1-AJS

2-BKT

3-CLU

4-DMV

5-ENW

6-FOX

7-GPY

8-HQZ

9-IR

The second method is called the Chaldean method. This is based off the Hebrew alphabet, which then equates each Hebrew letter with the latin alphabet and only utilizes the numbers 1-8.

1-AIJQY

2-BKR

3-CGLS

4-DMT

5-EHN

6-UVWX

7-OZ

8-FP

The Agrippan method, as mentioned, is the easiest to use - this also makes it the most commonly used method. Due to this being the most popular method, this will be the one we use going forward.

The Self

The study of Arithmancy can help us find information about the present, the future, and the self. In this lesson we will first focus on the self, as this is an important basis for understanding others and why events may unfold in the present and future.

Three important numbers of the self are the heart number, the social number, and the character number.

Heart

The heart number can be found by using only the vowels from a name, then adding up and reducing the numbers associated with those letters.

Start by taking only the vowels from the name of the person you are finding the heart number of.

Example:

Hermione Jean Granger

E+I+O+E+E+A+A+E

Then, using the Agrippa method, find and add the numbers corresponding to the vowels.

Example:

5+9+6+5+5+1+1+5 = 37

Next, reduce the numbers until you get a single digit.

Example:

3+7 = 10

1+0 = 1

Here we can see this student's heart number is 1.

The heart number represents the heart of a person, or who someone is at their core. It can infer one's true motivation, inner cravings, urges, likes and dislikes, etc. Essentially, the heart number can show us the meaning behind a person's choices in all aspects of their life. Using the meanings from the last lesson you can analyze the heart number.

​From Last Lesson:

1: The Sun (Agression, Action, Ambition)

One primarily deals with new beginnings, strong will and pure energy. Ones are independent, focused and determined individuals, who don’t shy away from taking a leading role. They take action, start new ventures, and are ambitious. They can also be self-centered, egotistical and headstrong, and domineering.

NUMBER 1: THE LEADER - Role: Initiator, Inventor, Individualist, Executive - Positive Traits: Independent, Determined, Brave - Negative Traits: Aggressive, Dominating, Impulsive, Egotistic - Element: Water - Color: light blue - Plant: Juniper - Gemstone: Opal, Fluorite

Social

The second number we will be looking at, is the social number. The social number is calculated similarly to how we calculated the heart number, except this time we will be using only the consonants from a name.

Start by taking only the consonants from the name of the person you are finding the social number of.

Example:

Hermione Jean Granger

H+R+M+N+J+N+G+R+N+G+R

Then, using the Agrippa method, find and add the numbers corresponding to the consonants.

Example:

8+9+4+5+1+5+7+9+5+7+9 = 69

Next, reduce the numbers until you get a single digit.

Example:

6+9 = 15

1+5 = 6

Here we can see this student's social number is 6.

The social number represents the appearance of a person, or how they appear to people other than themselves. It represents the parts of the self that you are willing to part with first, essentially the parts you are willing to show the world. The social number is can be seen as the outer personality. Using the meanings from last lesson you can analyze the social number.

From Last Lesson:

6: Venus (Tolerant, Dependable, Sincere)

A six is one of harmony and sincerity. It represents friendship and family life and individuals who are loyal, reliable and loving. People who are 6s are tactful, calm, and honest, and do well in teaching and the arts. They are however prone to gossip, and complacency.

NUMBER 6: THE LOVER - Role: Artist, Mother, Giver - Positive Traits: Responsible, Nurturing, Community-Oriented, Sympathetic, Selfless - Negative Traits: Self-righteous, Stubborn, Dominating, Meddling, Egotistical - Element: Water - Color: pink - Plant: Carnation - Gemstone: Garnet, Rose Quartz

Character

The last number we will be covering in this lesson is the character number. The character number is calculated by using all letters from a name.

​Start by using the Agrippa method, and find and add the numbers corresponding to the letters in the name.

Example:

Hermione Jean Granger

8+5+9+4+9+6+5+5+1+5+1+5+7+9+1+5+7+5+9 = 106

Next, reduce the numbers until you get a single digit.

Example:

1+0+6 = 7

Here we can see this student's character number is 7.

The character number is essentially the personality of a person. It outlines opportunities, who a person wishes to be, their talents and shortcomings. The character number can be seen as the inner, hidden personality. Using the meanings from last lesson you can analyze the character number.

From Last Lesson:

7: Saturn (Mystery, Study, Knowledge)

Sevens are scholars, and thrive on intellectual challenges. They are imaginative and aware, and have a deep understanding of their world. Originality and imagination is often more important to them than material possessions. They are often serious, bright, and creative, but can also be pessimistic, sarcastic and insecure.

NUMBER 7: THE THINKER - Role: Researcher, Analyzer, Loner, Perfectionist - Positive Traits: Knowledgeable, wise, clever, inventive, studious, charming, peaceful - Negative Traits: Suspicious, Reserved, Sarcastic, Isolated, Inflexible - Element: Air - Color: violet - Plant: Iris - Gemstone: Amethyst, Moonstone

Disclaimer:

It is important to keep in mind that what numerology and Arithmancy give us, is an analysis of our born selves. How we started out life, and how we can continue it. Numerology and Arithmancy is not an exact science, but it is always good to use to interpret others and yourself.

[ellestra]

Catching Up

I did love the visuals of that opening sequence and the return of Batroc was cool. The talk between Sam and Rhodey was heartbreaking once I realised that they both lost their best friends and have to now live with the shadow of their legacy. And a lot of the new characters introduced were pretty cool (although I was surprised Torres didn’t die or at least got serious injuries after all that) and I look forward to more of them (from the trailers it’s especially true for the therapist).

But there were just so many things in this episode that screamed of pilot-itis and spoiled my enjoyment of it. The issues both Bucky and Sam are dealing with have a lot of potential but the way they were shown so far were so heavy handed.

Bucky’s disconnect with world because he kept skipping years and decades make him uneasy enough (even though billions of people shared this last one) but the guilt of all the things he did and can remember is what really keeps him apart from connecting. His one friend is gone and he avoids making any others because he is hunted by who he was made to be.

But the way show rams it’s in our faces with Mr Nakajima and his son was so heavy handed I kept expecting both Yori and the bartender to admit they already knew and were just using this passive-agressive suggestions to make him confess. I don’t think they could’ve used dialogue more cliche than “What do we call someone who lost a child?” to elicit guilt in Bucky (all it really wanted me to do is point out that it’s because when those words were made kids died very often). And the way show makes sure we get it was the guy from the nightmare in case we missed all the times it was implied landed like the anvil it was.

Still, the way it is easier to deal with the people Winter Soldier worked for than with the one he hurt even though neither are really his fault is a very promising storyline for Bucky. He needs to forgive himself but it can’t happen until he really believes that he isn’t the Winter Soldier but just James Buchanan Barns. And the admission that the time of only peace he can remember is his time in Wakanda when he was hidden form the world and avoiding dealing with consequences of his life. Staying is States and going to sessions shows he wants to be able to move on instead and it’d be interesting to see him process that. Just like with Wanda and her grief this can be a great story.

The way Sam kept ignoring his sister’s doubts and didn’t listen to anything she was trying to tell him made it very clear she will be right. I mean I hated the bank clerk before we even see him because I already knew how that conversation was going to play out and the initial smarm just made the whole thing laid tick.

The racism of bank industry is well documented and showing it in something so popular as MCU properties may make more people receptive to acknowledge it but the way the show presents it make Sam almost seem dumb (especially for a guy who just said “Every time something gets better for one group it gets worse for another”). It requires him to ignore all the warnings, let us believe he didn’t know things like that happen and he somehow needed to be caught up on the last six months after the Return and not just us. (Also he should’ve asked Pepper, Avenger’s foundation or T’Challa - if not for the loan itself then for a support in getting one - it’s not like this bank is his only option and it hard to take him acting like it is seriously.)

However, the question of how do heroes earn money and the question who is sponsoring them is interesting. It was easy to ignore in movies were it was either Tony or T’Challa financing everything - from quarters to toys - and no one ever had to think were the food is coming from. Still, Sam has basically been US Military contractor for the past six months. He evidently isn’t charging enough for all that acrobatics. And missiles.

Maybe this is showing his tendency to avoid responsibility because he is feeling trapped by it until he is backed to the wall when he realises what he is losing.  Like with the Shield. And then covering it all with too much optimism and hoping it will turn out fine.

But the story so far makes it loos like it sets up both government run heroes (that awful corrupt bureaucracy) and the anarchist ones (annulling borders - that’s communism) to be antagonist while setting our self-made military contractors with no oversight as the heroes (only unfettered self-determined hero can kick evil’s ass). I sincerely hope it will get more nuanced than that in future episodes.

And that it touches Sam basically becoming Tony’s replacement in helping to police the world while refusing to become Cap’s in symbolism. It is supposed to be the story of him growing to the latter, right?

[cavariously]

[Trying my hand at a fan fiction.

I love to write but I have never done anything like this before, so all feedback would be extremely appreciated (Grammer, Plot, Characters etc.).

I love Tokyo Ghoul so I really hope I don't fuck this up 😅. A big thank you to anyone who reads this ❤️]

Caution: Agressive Swearing, Offensive Language, Graphic Violence.

Notes: Takes place post end of TG:re, Reapers = Marshall version of Doves.

1. Crow - 24

City lights and the rushing motions of the landscape turn the 24th ward into a blinding and blaring circus. Humans. They crawl through this city with the assurance that they will be here tomorrow. They will be here a year from now. They will be here forever. They are the only lifeform with this assurance. All other creatures in this world live with the knowledge that their making it to the next moment is a fifty fifty

It is certainly a miracle that they last, noticing absolutely nothing at all. They don't see the effects that the fumes of their veichles have on the planet that they grip so tightly to. They can't begin to recognise that they are being continually watched and targeted by devices that could wipe them from the face of said Earth in less than zero. They don't even notice the apex predictor observing them from less than a mile above.

Humans simply move from one spot to another, only stopping to cause irrevocable disaster and reduce their surroundings to less than ash, and then move on to the next target. Someone said that humans are Parasites, and although it may be naive to believe this was wholly correct, it would be complete ignorance to dismiss it entirely. Ghouls do not indulge in such ignorance. Parasite is an apt description for a human, from the perspective of a ghoul, that and food.

The figure stands tall, wind rushing rapidly through their tied up hair. They can smell the putrescence of man-kind as they go about their sweaty and arrogant business. They would laugh if it wasn't so tragic. What do humans amount to? They are greedy and bloody bags of meat that fight and hate more than any other being, yet they are allowed to multiply and just be. It could be argued that ghouls are the same as humans in this aspect, but most abide by the one meal a month agreement, even though this arrangement can be hell for some. Unlike humans, who see violence as their God given right, when ghouls fight, it is rarely for anything other than survival. Perhaps this view doesn't take all ghouls into account, but all humans gorge themselves on everything, and fight for any fucking reason they want.

Twenty years ago, a disaster was meant to end this disparity. For the first time ever, ghouls and humans fought together to save the world they shared from the monster that had been designated 'DRAGON'. The defeating of this enemy was meant to end in equality, where ghouls and humans shared the world equally. Scientific leaps had been made. Synthetic meats that ghouls could eat, so they wouldn't have to harm humans. The corpse of Dragon even lead to dramatic advancements in the medical field. Humans were now benefiting from ghoul DNA, as it allowed them to combat most illnesses and increase their lifespan somewhat. After all that ghouls had done for them, weren't humans grateful? No. Ten years, then ghouls were back to being vile creatures to be hunted, and were forced back to living in the sewers. The deaths of so many perfectly good and innocent ghouls, just so that humanity could screw them all over again. What a funny tragedy.

Another figure appeared from the shadows, stepping in line with their comrade. Neither looking at the other, they both silently watched the ferris-wheel turn round and round. A world that they saw as rightfully theirs. They were hungry for it and they would have it. No matter the cost. In fact, the more human casualties... the better.

"Are you ready to go?" the newcomer asked, never taking their attention away from everything below.

"Yeah. Any longer and I might have to eat you."

"Like you could" came the cold, arrogant response.

"Just because you got five inches on me now, doesn't mean I can't still beat your ass Da..."

"Don't fucking call me that. While we're out here you call me Kuma and I call you... Blindfold, or Eyeless. Something like that." Even though his response had been quick and sharp, neither his tone nor his concentration had wavered.

"Eyeless" they conceded.

"Fine, Eyeless it is. Just don't go shouting our real names out in public. You're enough of a liability as it is without giving our fucking identities away."

Eyeless finally turned to look at their brother. They couldn't help feeling a pang of nostalgia. He had been so small once, constantly hanging onto their shoulders and making paper birds that he place all over their home. Those memories hurt, especially when they remembered what came after. He used to smile so much and now he's a moody little shit. They'd never been like that at fourteen, they thought smugly.

"Fine. Let's go KUMA before I rip your snarky head off." With that final retort, Eyeless turned and stepped off of the roof.

Kuma watched them drop six stories, landing with grace and poise. Why were they always so aggravating? Maybe he was jealous of their natural ability, or perhaps they were just a pain in the ass to be related to. With a sigh and a wandering look to the night sky, he followed suit.

* * *

The Marshalls finished up disposing of the ghoul. Bikakus are a pain in the ass Haruto thought, but it's better than a Ukaku. Haruto loved the fact that he was an intimidating figure. The ghoul had basically shat itself as soon as it had seen his large muscular frame, and cruel bearded face. The black trench coat they wore, that often announced the end for ghouls, probably didn't hurt either. He nudged the face of the corpse with his foot. He reckoned it wouldn't even be worth removing his Kakahou to get a new quinque. Taking into account the short amount of time it had taken him and Kenji to bypass his defences and cut him through the middle, he was a B rated ghoul maximum.

"Right, time we get back" Haruto sighed.

"Mhm" Kenji agreed. He never said much.

"Did you bring the body bag? You never know, you might be able to upgrade that piece of shit you call a quinque." Haruto laughed loudly. He loved taking the piss out of Kenji, especially when he knew his only retort woukd be 'mhm'.

As expected, Kenji responded with a grumbling "Mhm", and moved towards the body.

Haruto, turned to walk away, lighting a cigarette and beginning to inhale deeply. That Kenji was going to marry his sister. What's he gonna say when the priest asks him if he takes her to be his lawfully wedded wife? Mhm. Haruto chuckled to himself. All in all Kenji was a good guy, and one hell of a Marshall. He could use that crappy Ukaku quinque pretty damn well, even if it did come from a C rated ghoul. Kenji also took Haruto's kids to the beach when he and Mrs Haruto wanted a quiet weekend. He might be an ugly fucker with next to no hair, and a face that made you want to split him down the middle, but he was clean and sometimes smelt nice. Yeah, Kenji could marry his sister if he wanted. She could do a hell of a lot worse.

A loud splatter sounded out behind Haruto. He spun on his heels, instincts flaring immediately into action. Where the fuck was Kenji? Where his partner had been attempting to fit the ghoul into the black bag, there was now the cut in half corpse of his future brother in law, fallen to the sides with a blindfolded figure standing in the middle. His entire being twitched in anticipation of this thing making a move to kill him, but all it did was leasurly bend down and scoop something up from the gore beneath. As the creature straightened up, he saw that it was simply sucking on one of Kenji's bloody fingers. To others, this might signify a psychotic animal, but to a seasoned Marshall, this was a confident and calculating killer plain and simple. A powerful one at that. Their clothes were indistinctive; clad in thin black leather and fabric, however, their mask was a completely different story. Almost the entirety of its face was covered. Its mouth had a tight black fabric wrapped over it, with a skeletal smile that would open, revealing the snaking pink tongue underneath. The huge back leather collar surrounding it could be zipped up to hide all but the eyes from the world. Not that the eyes could be seen either. A bone white blindfold shut them off from view. Foreign symbols were drawn in deep black on either side, with the a closed eye taking centre stage. Although it was just a drawing, that closed eye was unearving, as if the lack of sight heightened its ability to see, instead of impeding it.

Now this was a ghoul. Just by its sheer presence Haruto could tell this one was rated A, or more likely >S. Haruto couldn't deny to himself that he was intimidated, but he was a senior Marshall, and always backed himself in a one on one. He looked down at his fallen partner and gulped. First things first, get into this guys head. Haruto scanned the ghoul, looking for weaknesses that he could exploit verbally. If he was lucky, the reaction could lead to him obtaining an edge. He noticed that this ghoul was slight in stature, maybe five foot five all told.

"You wanna end up like this other piece of shit, you fucking dwarf."

This garnered absolutely nothing.

Haruto couldn't take it much longer. This creature continued to lapp at the guts of his dead partner, that were splattered over its fingers. It obviously didn't give a shit what it looked like to others. It reminded him of a cat, publically cleaning its fur and genitals with no concern for the world. It was fucking reveling in its feast, and it made Haruto's blood boil.

"You killed an innocent man. He was gonna have a family and you ripped him apart. You monsters have no fucking souls and you all belong in hell. That's where I'm gonna send you. I'm a fucking senior Marshall you stupid shit. You have no clue how badly you've fucked up."

Again, the ghoul made no sign of changing emotion, continuing to dip its fingers in Kenji and take its time eating. Haruto knew he needed something else to get into its head so he scanned again. 'Shit' he thought, as the ghost of a smile passed over his lips. The majority of its body was covered in black that mostly obscured its shape, however, his keen eyes saw that although its grey hair was tied up, it was probably quite long when undone. At its chest area, although it was probably bound, there was the hint of a slightly tented structure. The hardest one to spot was the hips. Despite them being covered by black leather shorts, those hips were a tad too wide to be a man's.

"Alright you sick fuck. I'M A COMMIN FOR YA!"

With one last drive to uncover more courage, Haruto raised his Kokaku quinque and lept towards the ghoul.

"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP FOR KENJI... YOU BITCH!"

As Haruto closed the distance with extreme speed, to less than two meters, the shadow of another figure dropped from the sky, landing directly next to the first. Haruto skidded to a halt, taken aback by the new masked creature. This one was certainly taller, and its face was covered by a red, horned mask. It was only as his attention slipped completely that he realised his final mistake. For the first time, the blindfolded ghoul smiled widely, the skeletal mouth parting to reveal massive bloody teeth.

The next thing Haruto knew was that he was laying down on the ground, face to the sky. His neck was warm and dripping wet. He raised his hands to his throat as the oxygen escaped his body, feeling the deep gash that was releasing his blood. The ghouls started conversing.

"Which one you want?" the first asked the newcomer.

"I don't care. You killed 'em both so you choose" the other responded dispondantly.

"Well, you're the growing boy so you take the ghoul and the first Reaper."

"Damn, well fuck me if you ain't the best big sister" uttered the male ghoul sarcastically, as he casually walked over to Kenji and the dead ghoul. "Why you taking you're mask off you sicko? The guys not even dead yet."

"I like it when they watch me" the female ghoul giggled.

Haruto saw the shadow of something passing over his head. "Ken...Ke..ji" Haruto gasped.

Suddenly, from below him came a the same giggle. "Awww dude, I think these guys were close."

"Eyeless, eat the fucker and let's go" came the voice of the male.

"Hey buddy boy, look at me will you" said the female from his feet.

Haruto craned his neck, scared of what he might see, but thinking 'fuck it' to himself. What's did he have to be afraid of, he's already dead. When he finally focused on the face he was confused. She was chewing on a leg. His leg. When the fuck did she get her dirty hands on that? When she'd finished on his leg, licking the tips of her fingers with delight, she bent down and hovered over him. Eyeless? That's what the other one had called her, but that wasn't true at all. Now that her blindfold was off he could see the entirety of her murderous giddy face.

"You're very funny" she said. "Innocent man. Gonna have a family. Its really fucking funny."

The last thing Haruto would ever see would be a testimony to her names innacuracy. Staring at him excitedly was one grey eye, so remarkably human looking it was weird. The other eye was a pool of darkness... with a violent, blood red pupil that seemed to be trying to force its way out of its black prison. She snapped up the rest of him.

"Sicko..."

End

[un-jour-je-serai-grand]

I started doing a list of all my small favorite things from Escape From The Bloodkeep (ep 4-6) but it is a long one so (standard) bear with me (yes that IS indeed a EFTB joke).

Efink's "Twenty-six points of daaaamaaaaage from me just staaaanding theeere" and "Not MY stuff" from the boat fight.

Did Brennan just lie about the Olag/Leiland grapple roll ? Olag "gets a +12" according to Brennan and rolled a 17 in the box of doom, and Brennan said he got a 21. BRENNAN DID U FUDGE A ROLL AND FORGET IT WAS ON CAMERA ?

Leiland's "hya ?! Oh, it's just you. I was hwrwa" when Efink turns undead.

Rekha's "And you said it was okay do to nothing?" when deciding to go into labour mid-fall, Leiland's soft jazz, gay judgement over said labour and resiliation over his fate, in ep 5.

Rekha's face during the Declan-Leiland talk. She is. Living. For it.

"Samantha Eagles" "Of the Philadelphia Eagles ?" And the whispered "It hurts" and "Its not an egg :)"

John Feathers The Eagle The Baby, and a potential name for Leiland Jr

Sokhbarr and Lilith still. Gossiping. And being friends. Like :

Pictured : Sokhbarr and Lilith being nosy and living for the drama

A classic but, "This was supposed to be the evil game !"

We're EVOLVING evil, we're DISRUPTING evil, we're taking out the middle man and bringing evil straight to YOU

"They made the door happen" and later "The door happened" and "You tried to make a door in ME ?" and"You disappeared. That was like a MIND door" "... ... Do I take psychic damage from that ?" Like, they are the anti-Vox Machina, not just because there is an evil druid, berserker barbarian, rogue, beastmaster ranger, cleric and charisma-based spellcaster, but mostly because doors are their favored terrain.

Rekha very passive-agressively taking her character sheet to mark off damage

Erika's FEAR when Jason might've died

From the first time I've watched the last episode :

Matt : J’er’em’ih is probably my favorite pet companion that has ever existed

Me : Booooy, you're gonna get killed

Matt : EXCEPT FOR TRINKET

Me : There it is !

"You are loved, you are special, you are important"

Efink's GALAXY BRAIN idea of being the evil boatperson

“You hate to see it folks” somehow being said ? Brennan can you see the future ?

“What’s wrong with you people ?” “We’re evil !”

Is Markus bing shady ? Is Markus going to betray everybody ? Nöpe ! He is being evil in a nice way

Brennan’s “Rad !” and “In-credible” and “What a turn !” and “InsANe”

Leiland becoming cool, but still kinda useless whihc i love

Efink being uncomfortable with kids. 

the epilogue as a fucking whole !

Anyway. Loved it. It was great. Thank you Brennan, Thank you amazing cast.

[theseaance]

moments from the pilot that ALWAYS fucking get me

- when tHE VIOLIN DOES THAT WHILE DIEGO IS FIGHTING THE BAD GUY

- THE FACT THAT “ANGEL OF MUSIC” STARTS AT KLAUS’S INTRODUCTION,, LIKE IM SORRY THATS SO FUCKING CUTE

- [dejected tone] “we’ll see you soon, klaus.”

- “your family is safe now” being diego’s first words

- allison!ALLISON! allison! allison allisonALLISON! ALLISON! WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR FATHER??????

- “WILL YOU WEAR VALENTNO TO THE FUNERAL??”

- klaus’s little squeal after he wakes up in the ambulance

- the shots of the paintings and then ben’s statue

- “hey, sis”

- “...brother.”

- THE TWEENHIT MAGAZINE: “GETTING REAL WITH THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY!”

- where’s the cash, dad....where’s the CASH...

- the scene where allison is remembering how reggie never said goodnight to them,, klaus’s eyeroll,, allison’s frustration,, vanya’s stoicism

- KLAUS’S THEME PLAYING AS HE POPS UP FROM BEHIND THE DESK

- “klaus is still klaus, in case you were wondering.”

- WHEN ALLISON GOES “you’ve been...gone.” AND VAGUELY POINTS UP TO THE CEILING,, LIKE YES ALLISON WE ALL KNOW LUTHER WAS ON THE MOON

- “IS THAT MY SKIRT?????”

- KLAUS AND VANYA SITTING NEXT TO EACH OTHER AND CROSSING THEIR LEGS IN THE SAME WAY,, ellen and robert really said gay rights

- “you’re high?” “yEAH! [Patented High Pitched Giggle]”

- when “the walker” starts playing and you KNOW the scene is gonna be lit as FUCK

- allison’s power works regardless of how she moves her hands or stands,, she CHOOSES to be dramatic about it

- LUTHER SPRINTING ALONG THE ROOF

- “REAL MEN THROW KNIVES!” what a little asshole

- BEN LOOKING DIRECTLY AT KLAUS WHEN HE SAYS “do i really have to do this?” AS KLAUS NODS ENCOURAGINGLY AND ONLY LOOKING AWAY BECAUSE LUTHER IS GIVING HIM ORDERS

- “i have adopted SIX such children.”

- klaus’s emphasis on “ADOPTED sons”

- hahahaha,,i don’t know, i don’t know—MANIFESTING!!!!!

- yyyOOUUUU ALWAYS WERE A STUBBORN BASTARD!

- yet another Patented High Pitched Giggle when klaus knocks over the urn

- listen. listen listen listen. the way klaus cracks the pills between his teeth is. attracti [gets shot by snipers]

- luther’s taste in eighties music

- WHEN KLAUS THROWS THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND THERES A BRIEF MOMENT WHERE HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S GOING TO JUST. PASS OUT

- when five says “well it would if you were smarter” and luther HOLDS HIS ARM OUT TO BLOCK DIEGO FROM KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF THEIR KID BROTHER

- “What Part Of The Future Do You Not Understand.”

- klaus cringing when luther dumps out the ashes on the ground, immediately lighting a cigarette

- diego: he was a monster. klaus: [SNICKERS]

- the contrast between vanya’s “stop it!” and klaus’s “HIT HIM!”

- “FIVE CHEATED!” “HE ADAPTED!”

- allison crying into klaus after they got their tattoos

- klaus’s shoes on the fucking table in the scene with him, five, and allison as he plays with what??? is that a fuckin guitar???

- allison’s silent fury @ diego’s comment about her marriage

- THE GENTLE FAMILIARITY BETWEEN KLAUS AND DIEGO,, THE LITTLE REMINDER WHEN HE SAYS “lean back.” AND KLAUS OBEYS BECAUSE THIS IS A ROUTINE THAT THEYVE GONE THROUGH BEFORE

- “the kid wants coffee. Black.” [nervous laughter from agnes] “...cute kid.”

- “you think i want to shoot a kid? and go home with that on my conscience?”

- WHEN THE FIDDLE STARTS UP AND THE WHOLE MOOD CHANGES

- five’s obnoxious little “HEY ASSHOLES!” as he spatial jumps away from the bullets

- just. everything about the istanbul scene. it’s perfect. true poetic cinema.

- when klaus opens the car door, he’s obviously alone but he says “WE’RE starving”

- how you notice klaus is talking to that stranger in the back of diego’s car like they’re close, and then you realize it’s ben and get Very Sad

- the IMMEDIATE change in klaus’s voice when he says “breaking bones and cracking skulls?”

- diego’s soft tone when he responds “saving lives, baby.”

- a beat. “i’ll put on a pot of coffee.”

- [AGRESSIVE STRING MUSIC]

[inattpoesie]

Still Alive

The air was cold and crisp. My eyes were closed, and yet I knew that my breath would be visible as I exhaled. I inhaled again and felt a short and cutting pain in my lungs, reminding me of the fact that I was alive. I am alive. I tried to clench my fists, but my fingers felt numb and stiff.

There was silence all around me, not a single noise reached my ears. Of such a purity was this silence, I thought to hear the blood rushing in my ears, whispering to me of my existence. I was alive. Very much alive.

I tried to reach for my face. As the first cold finger touched my skin, it felt nothing but right. Coldness crept up my body, from the feet up the legs, from the fingers to the shoulders and now all the way down my face. My chest, however remained warm. The inner sanctum of the heart remained untouched by frost and weariness.

Now that I let my head sink onto my chest, I could feel the thin layer of ice breaking on my beard. With the fingers running down my nose, I let my arms sink again. I had reached this rare moment of isolated presence, of emptiness, untouched by neither past nor future, not a single thought haunting the mind. I was my senses and my senses only.

Opening my eyes made an end to this state. Slowly. A blinding white feigned to me the sensation of being born again. I was alive. So alive. And what else could have meant a better start into this new life than a deep breath? I inhaled, I exhaled.

The pain in my eyes slowly fade away and I finally managed to recognize the snow on the ground. Around my boots, drowning them in white nothingness. Next to me, to the half covered in snow, lay a rifle, only the wooden handle remained visible. With numb hands I reached for it, ascertaining myself if I really got hold of it, and pulled it out of the snow with a quick move of my arms.

I looked up. Everlasting white dominated the world around me, took over even the things that were originally not of white colour. The hills were white. The sky was white. The air was white. Even the dark forest with its last remaining patches of brown and green was white, eaten up by even more snow falling

Not a single moment did I doubt that my way would lead me up the hill, up into this forest. The snow-covered trees crawled all the way up, crossing the horizon. I cannot tell for certain where exactly it came from, but from out this forest rosa up a small line of smoke, like a blackened pillar supporting this celestial white dome. Its origin shall was my chosen destination.

As I took my first step, the snow crushed beneath my feet, almost droned out by the white noise in my ears, marking the first sound piercing it for what felt like hours. How long it really was, I don’t know.

I walked up the hill, the rifle as a heavy burden hanging from my numbed shoulder. The way up to the edge of the woods was merely a few hundred metres, but for me it was a long and exhausting trip. The muscles in my legs slowly defroze, the comfortable numbness vanished and was being replaced by a terrible pain that crept from the calfs to my upper legs. Again and again I stumbled and barely managed to keep my balance. In my head the white and its invasive cold were struggling with the warmth radiating from within the heart, resulting in a disorientating dizziness.

Eventually I reached the woods. I had expected a step from the blinding white into a soothing darkness, but instead I was welcomed by a repulsing grey. The snow, the cold air covered my eyes like a bleak veil. There were no colours left but lighter and darker shades of white. I hoped for it to change by pushing myself further into the woods, but eventually I had to surrender to my own depletion, unable to stay on my feet by myself. Again I took a deep breath. It was different this time: Not only a cutting pain, but a general ache, caused by exhaustion. But still, I was alive.

A short rest, spent trembling like an aspen leaf, helped me regain enough strength to continue my path. But where to go? I had lost my orientation, if I ever had any. Which was the right way to go? Eventually, I decided, it did not matter. I just kept going, past the greyish pine trees, dragging myself from one to the next. On the ground I spotted tracks of deer, nearly hidden by the freshly fallen snow. The white hand clutched its fist around everything, there was no escape. No matter how far I proceeded, no matter how deep I got into the woods, the grey did not fade.

And ll of a sudden, I felt trapped. I stoped at a crooked pine and looked around. A silvery shimmer lay on the dark grey needles that did not grow as lush as I remembered them. And yet I did not manage to locate the sun. I did, however, expected it to have proceeded far into the west by now. But how was I supposed to know? I had lost my intuition, just as I had lost everything else.

Orientation I had lacked right from the beginning, but now that my certainty had receded, I felt lost. In the middle of a puddle of grey. The cold had taken over my mind; my heart still remaining the last fortress of warmth. Right as I intended to surrender, I spotted a tiny pond behind a bunch of bushes. It was barely visible, but its frozen surface, where not covered by the snow, mirrored the pines, offering a somewhat surreal sight. I am not sure why, but it yanked me out of apathy and gave me one last push. Hastily I plunged onward, caring neither about the rocks nor the stones on the short path between me and the pond. And, of course, it happened what was bound to happen. One careless step and my foot lost hold - I fell. My face pressed into snow and rocks, I could hear my rifle sliding across the ice.

Gathering my last strength, I lifted my head from the snow and looked up. My ears did not deceive me, as the rifle did indeed slide far over, almost to the other side of the ice. It measured approximately six steps in diameter, I assumed. Only seconds ago I felt entirely deprived of hope, but in this very moment I just wanted to keep going, I did not want to give up having lost the last thing I possessed. And so I crawled forward to the edge of the frozen pond. until my hand slipped on the ice and let my head hit its surface. The white turned black for a moment, before it turned red before my eyes. Stunned I looked at the blood below my face. The distorted reflection reveiled a cut on my forehead, but this was not what I saw. What I did see was my blood forming the hair of… you. The bloodred colour fading into a brownish shade. I saw your face. I saw a human shape standing right above me - with your face.

And you offered me your hand. A smile on your lips, one I should never forget. And I smiled back. I smiled back onto the ice, hoping you could see it. My eyes tried to find yours, the ice remaining the mediator, until I turned around and tried to reach for your hand - but you were gone. For a moment, a world collapsed. In anger and disappointment I clenched my fist, raised it and struck down onto the ice. It broke and for a moment my hand dived deep into pain, coloured like my rifle’s steel at night. Said rifle was now gone too, swallowed by the very same colour, but that was not important anymore. I felt betrayal, but only for a moment, as I quickly realized that you had offered me your strength. Your hope and ambition. You showed me that I was still alive.

It is true, I really could have used your hand. But it wasn’t there. Not yet. I was convinced I would be able to hold it soon. I would hold it and feel its warmth. I would hold it and feel your loving warmth on mine. The warmth that would kindle the dying ambers in my heart. But for now it was still there. For now the thought should be enough. Enough to guide me through the grey. Or so I hoped.

As pleasing as the thought appeared to be in contrary to the everlasting cold I was exposed to, I still knew I wouldn’t be able to bear it for much longer. The omnipresent pain that had taken hold of me forced me to take several attempts to get up on my feet, but eventually I managed to do it. I was ready to continue my way home. Ready to continue without you.

And so I stumbled forward, my body a wreckage, every breath a cut in my lungs. A thin line of blood running from the forehead and dropping down onto the grey of my snow covered coat. This blood, despite being of a sombre rust coloured tone, remained the only colour that did not fit the grey colour scheme around me. And the fact that it stemmed from me, reassured me in my belief that I did not belong here. Everything was dead. But I was alive. The pain told me so.

I was unable to focus. My mind kept drifting off and the vertigo, probably caused by the impact on the ice, let the trees appear as grotesque faces, laughing at me, screaming at me in silence, pointing their obscure branchy fingers at me in their everlasting state of frozenness. I was afraid. So terribly afraid. Afraid that they might reach for me. That they would toss me over and made me lose my balance, was I was aware that I would certainly not be able to get up again. Perhaps I would have shot at them, but I could no longer defend myself. I was helpless, driven on by nothing but good hope. The hope to see you again, to feel your hands in mine again. I would not leave. Not without having seen you again.

The light was receding. The grey now less agressive. The white less repulsive. The soothing darkness I expected was now slowly wrapping the woods into a shimmering, yet less blinding blanket, a darker one, a somewhat warmer one, even if it was considerably thinner. Of course I knew that the departure of the sun would bring bitter coldness, one even worse than during the day, but I preferred the cold over the white. The cold made me shiver, crept into my bones and devoured by me, but at least I was now able to see. See the soothing darkness I yearned for. The pinewood faces will be gone, their branches will no longer reach for me.

Perhaps they would even guide me the way. As the darkness had finally swallowed the last tree in sight, I thought to see a red shimmer breaching through the branches, enlightening the trees’ stems and taking away their frightening appearance. Instead they now fed the meagre ambers of my heart.

Yes. They glowed reddish in the dark, their silhouettes sharpened by a pulsating light coming from a yet unknown source of light. I stumbled onward, the ambers stirred up into a tiny flame of joy, witnessing the beauty of colour - this place surely did not belong here either. It was not unlike me, we were of the same kind. We differed from the dead world around us.

Through my heart’s conflagrating fire I saw your face. At first I did not even recognize the fire, I took it for granted, as it is what kept me warm. But behind this fire, nurturing the flames - were you. I was able to see you. And this time, I hoped, you were no reflection. But you are still veiled by the flames. Could I dare to believe my eyes? Or were you, once again, merely the mirror of my hopes and wishes?

Slowly I approached the fire and felt the heat on my skin. It couldn’t be my imagination. The vertigo was gone and so was my pain. I did no longer suffer. Was that a good sign? Was this really happening, could this really be the truth if there was nothing left but… yes, what is left?

I thought it to be bliss. I would have been able to touch your face, if I had only reached through the fire. But I didn’t dare to. What if you weren’t just another illusion of my delirious mind, but… you? The real you? I smiled at you. And you smiled back at me, your eyes showing the same joy that I felt in this very moment. Overwhelmed by what I considered to be utmost relief, I fell to my knees. Sweat mixed with the blood on my forehead and in rapture I tore of my hat and tossed it away from me. You were there. Without averting my gaze from your presence I tried to crawl over to you, around the fire. I fell over.

And I laughed. Turning around on my back, I kept laughing. I felt your hand on forehead, feverishly warm, and I took it. You did not cringe by the coldness of my fingers, but instead wrapped your other hand around them and gave me the warmth that I needed. You were here. With me. And I kept laughing, slowly drifting off into sleep. But at the edge of my conscience, I made out a group of silhouettes in front of the farm ablaze, lifting me up before I lost myself in the dark.

[hyperionhugo]

WHAT’S YOUR MUSE’S ENNEAGRAM TYPE?

TAGGED INSPIRED BY: @rhysinpieces TAGGING: @sirhys, @allforthegreatergood, @nicholas-wolfwood, anyone who wants to

Type 8 - The Challenger - Taking charge, because they don't want to be controlled Wings Type 7 - The Enthusiast - Pleasure seekers and planners, in search of distraction

[ I thought the full descriptions suited Hugo really well, especially 8 -- so I’m going to include them under the cut. The links work too! ]

Type 8 - The Challenger

People of this personality type are essentially unwilling to be controlled, either by others or by their circumstances; they fully intend to be masters of their fate. Eights are strong willed, decisive, practical, tough minded and energetic. They also tend to be domineering; their unwillingness to be controlled by others frequently manifests in the need to control others instead. When healthy, this tendency is kept under check, but the tendency is always there, nevertheless, and can assume a central role in the Eight's interpersonal relationships.

Eights generally have  powerful instincts and strong physical appetites which they indulge without  feelings of shame or guilt. They want a lot out of life and feel fully prepared to go out and get it. They need to be financially independent and often have a hard time working for anyone. This sometimes necessitates that the Eight opt out of the system entirely, assuming something of an outlaw mentality. Most Eights however, find a way to be financially  independent while making their peace with society, but they always retain an uneasy association with any hierarchical relationship that sees the Eight in any position other than the top position.

Eights have a hard time lowering their defenses in intimate relationships. Intimacy involves emotional vulnerability and such vulnerability is one of the Eight's deepest fears. Betrayal of any sort is absolutely intolerable and can provoke a powerful response on the part of the violated Eight. Intimate relationships are frequently the arena in which an Eight's control issues are most obviously played out and questions of trust assume a pivotal position. Eights often have a sentimental side that they don't even show to their intimates, such is their fear of vulnerability. But, while trust does not come easily to an Eight, when an Eight does take someone into the inner sanctum, they find a steadfast ally and stalwart friend. The Eight's powerful protective instincts are called into play when it comes to the defense of family and friends, and Eights are frequently generous to a fault in providing for those under their care.

Eights are prone to anger. When severely provoked, or when the personality is unbalanced, bouts of anger can turn into rages. Unhealthy Eights are frankly agressive and when pushed, can resort to violence. Such Eights enjoy intimidating others whom they see as "weak" and feel little compunction about walking over anyone who stands in their way. They can be crude, brutal and dangerous.

Female Eights are far more likely to mistype than male Eights, as many of the traits typical to the type Eight personality have been discouraged in females.  For the most part, however, it is other types who mistake themselves for Eights. This is especially common in male   counterphobic Sixes who fail to recognize that their agression is a cover for a very deep seated anxiety. Sevens too, are prone to mistype as Eights, but Sevens lack the intensity of focus typical of the type Eight, and while both Sevens and Eights have high energy personalities,  Eights have a physically based energy whereas the Seven's energetic pattern has a nervous, mental quality to it.

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Wings Type 7 - The Enthusiast

People of this personality type are essentially concerned  that their lives be an exciting adventure. Sevens are future oriented, restless people who are generally convinced that something better is just around the corner. They are quick thinkers who have a great deal of energy and who make lots of plans. They tend to be extroverted, multi-talented, creative and open minded. They are enthusiasts who enjoy the pleasures of the senses and who don't believe in any form of self-denial.

Sevens are practical people who have multiple skills. They know how to network and to promote themselves and their interests. They often have an entrepreneurial spirit and are able to convey their enthusiasm to those with whom they come in contact. When they are able to focus their talents, they are often highly successful. Focusing does not always come easily for Sevens, however. Their tendency to believe that something better awaits them, makes them reluctant to narrow down their options or to pursue their aims with true devotion.

The central problem for Sevens is that their pursuit of pleasure is compulsive. Sevens are fear types who are specifically afraid of the power of negative states of mind. These they avoid by seeking distractions in the external environment: by multi-tasking, by keeping their options open, by engaging in stimulation seeking of all kinds. For this reason, Sevens are more prone than most to addictions of all sorts, whether it be to shopping, gambling, drugs or whatever.

Sevens usually have a high opinion of themselves and their talents; they tend to focus on their strengths and virtues and to downplay their flaws and vices. They are often a bit self-centered which manifests in an unfounded feeling of entitlement. As Sevens don't want to confront their own darker emotions, they also have difficulty acknowledging the pain that others experience, so that they sometimes have a hard time seeing the reality of other people. The extent of the Seven's flight from negative emotions is really a measure of  the Seven's mental health; the more that the Seven flees from them, the more their strength grows and the more likely they are to erupt into consciousness in the form of an anxiety disorder or a severe depressive episode.

As they are outward looking and not especially prone to introspection, it is not uncommon for Sevens to mistype themselves. Sometimes they mistype as Eights, as Sevens too can be domineering, especially if Eight is the dominant wing. But Eights are not anxious and they lack the quick, mental energy that is charateristic of the Seven. Sevens can easily mistype as Threes, but Threes are much more single minded than Sevens and don't suffer from the desire to keep all options open. Surprisingly, Sevens can mistype as Fours. When they recognize the disparity between the optimistic, fun loving persona that they project to the world and their own, often anxious internal mental states, they can confuse their pain with the melancholia of type Four. Sevens are in flight from this pain however, whereas Fours often cultivate their negative mental states.