#agent j headcanon

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Unlikely Trio 🕶️ | MIB Headcanon

Being an Agent of MIB and partners w/ K & J would look like: 

You three are an unlikely trio that somehow works. By this we're talking there's never a moment of peace when on the job because not only do y'all draw chaos, but you and J are constantly messing around to annoy K. "Drink your coffee, you two," he'd grumble at the dinner every morning, "We got work to do." "Whatever you say, boss man." "Yeah, don't wanna get your panties in a twist this early." 

Both you and J were recruited at the same time. Which thinking back was confusing considering J was a NYPD detective and you were a private investigator but somehow crossed paths the night J was chasing a suspect. That's when they brought you in as a witness and from there you both met K and the rest was history.

Going on late night patrols around the city together. You and J taking turns in the passenger seat since K didn't let either of you two drive. That means whoever is in the front is in charge of the aux cord despite K's protests. "Turn that crap off." "K, this is a classic--I thought you were a man of taste." "Y/I, remember this man is a fossil. He prefers the 1800s--." "Watch yourself, stretch.:

You and J are the jokesters, always having a laugh and making light of situations. Whereas you and K share deep, serious conversations and know when to be professional. When you three are together, there is a sense of balance. 

At functions you and J are the lives of the party--playing bartender, DJ, and keeping the dance floor occupied. Sometimes force K to dance with you whenever an old school song plays. "C'mon, old man, don't leave me hanging." And you can expect J taking pics on the sidelines as proof K can let loose every once in a while. 

On rare nights where all of you are off, you force J & K out of their apartments to hang out like normal people. You'll go to a diner or bar, maybe see a movie or go bowling. But when y'all do go bowling, it's intense since you three are MIB reigning league champions as a team so going head-to-head with each other brings on y'alls competitive side. and of course there is a bet in store for whoever wins & loses. "Winner gets the weak off from writing up the reports--that's the losers' job." "I'm down with that. Hope you boys are ready to take on more work." "Don't be full of yourself, sport. That's how you choke when it comes time to deliver."

God forbid you get hurt on the job. The men are in shambles and losing their minds. For example, if you're in the back seat bleeding out while K hauls ass to the hospital you best believe him and J are screaming at each other which then has you--who's on the brink of death--having to snap them out of the behavior. "Will you two shut the fuck up! It's no one's fault so stop blaming each other and focus on keeping me alive before I bleed out in this car!" Next thing K is pressing the red button to go at hyperspeed.

K never understands pop culture references you and J often say, leading to one of you explaining to him the meaning. Especially when on a job and the alien you're dealing with says something you both understand but K is clueless. "What's a TikTok?" "You don't want to know. Trust me, it's better if you remain ignorant."

When the shit with Boris happens, both you and J are racing against time to save him. He'd become a father figure to you guys besides being your mentor so there's no way in hell you were going to let him down. Traveling to 1969 and having to work with his younger self was quite the experience. Not to mention the reveal that you and J met him as children yet have no recollection.

When y'all return and the world is back to normal, you three are closer than ever. You nearly shed tears seeing the old man you grew to love as a father sitting at the countertop with his pie and coffee. Then when he realized you and J knew the truth, you leaned over to kiss his cheek, making him go red. "Thanks for everything, K." 

[tiredandoptimistic]

Love may have lost in Restoration, but it wins with my banger RvB pride flags

Diversity win! Red vs Blue has allowed local queer person to reach new heights of hyperfixation for eight years and counting.

[slyvester101]

part 2 of this post

On the other hand, you never hear the blues coming.

There are times where no one will realize a blue is in the room until they speak up halfway through a conversation, moments where people jump at the sudden appearance of a blue by their side, and instances of blues almost getting socked or shot at because they scared the wrong person.

Church is generally quiet for obvious reasons. He's not the quietest of the blues since he's got a big mouth, but being a ghost/AI certainly makes it hard to hear him coming since, y'know, he doesn't have tangible feet. Even when he did have a body or is possessing someone else's body, his footsteps are nonexistent, like he's still hovering over the ground.

Caboose is shockingly quiet for how loud he can be and how big he is. But he's actually very sneaky and light on his feet. He can get close to enemies without their knowledge and often sneaks up on people without them knowing until the last possible moment. The reason he's not considered sneaky despite everything saying otherwise is that he often gives himself away a little too early, whether it's a clumsy mishap or him forgetting he's supposed to be quiet. It seems like the only time he can actually be quiet is when he's doing it on accident.

Tucker is another surprisingly quiet guy. Sure, he talks shit a lot and can get his volume to rival any of the reds (he certainly has his Booming Dad Voice down to T) and boy can he be one big presence in a room, but Tucker is actually naturally very quiet. He can sit in a corner and not have anyone know he's there, can disappear out of a conversation without anyone noticing, and of course can pop up out of nowhere. That being said, he does typically announce his presence since he's an attention whore.

Wash is the quietest of the blues, what with all the stealth missions he's done over the years. He's also just naturally mellow and soft-spoken, the latter having been drilled out of him during basic since you can't be mumbling while on a mission. This means he often fades into the background, people often forgetting he was even there in the first place and startling when he makes his presence known again. During PFL, the freelancers used to joke that they should put a bell on him because of how often he's accidently sneak up on someone. Many people Wash has gotten to know over the years have shared the same sentiment. All but the blues, actually (mostly because all the blues are used to someone appearing out of nowhere all of a sudden, so Wash doing it wasn't anything new to the team).

Kai might be the only exception to this rule, but she is related to a red so it's no surprise that she acts like one sometimes. That being said, she has her moments and thought it's not her natural state, she learns how to be sneaky and quiet over the course of her time with the blues (no matter how short that time ends up being.

[agentcaboose]

I have accidentally spent my entire day creating a Bob's burgers style rvb au where Church inherits his dad's burger joint "Church's Burgers" and the reds own a shitty, more popular Italian place across the street

[cryo-genics]

i finally started drawing properly (aka i found my tablet) and then my hand slipped

now i suddenly have RvB tarot card sketches🫢

in order its :

Tex / Church as The Lovers

Lopez as The Hermit

Caboose as The Sun (featuring Orb Church)

these are all really rough sketches and i have more, but those were my favorites so far

[transsimmonss]

ykw, i like u *gives u rvb hcs*

(some of these are based on canon much more than others but enjoy nonetheless)

grif: mixed native hawai'ian. queer. cis(?), but probably wouldn't mind using any pronouns

simmons: trans man. bi, demiromantic. mixed latino, white genes made him ginger tho </3

doc: south asian. gay, demisexual

donut: gay. ace (sex positive). third gen american-colombian, no sabo kid

sarge: cis, aroace. white(?)

church: bi, demiro. white ig :( doesn't gaf what pronouns ppl use for him

tucker: bi w a leaning towards women, demiromantic. trans man <3 black

caboose: aroace, would benefit from a qpr. mexican amen. he/she

tex: bi, strong leaning towards women (and loser men apparently). native

carolina: queer, asexual. mixed native/white

wash: pan, demisexual. mixed white and black

kaikaina: bi, transfemme (she/they). mixed hawai'ian

these are just my personal hcs! I don't mind anyone having their own ofc, I love reading everyone's ideas and I'm not looking to argue abt anything, + these fluctuate every now and then, so just thought I'd share <3

[theosphobia]

david "im rusty" washington playing guitar/singing to help caboose sleep (specifically thinking of best girl by trocadero). After boose falls asleep wash rubs the back of his hand (caboose sleeps like a plank ime) and caboose grabs ahold of his hand so wash sits next to the cot until he eventually lets go. (sometimes wash'll end up sleeping at the edge of the bed and inevitably gets dragged in and used as a teddy bear)

[taraxavee]

i just Love his outfits from the first movie.

don’t get me wrong, he looks Amazing in a suit, but he’s just so scrimblo scromblo in these outfits. gender envy

[plagues02]

War and Cats

Summary: Wash agreed to keep an eye on Caboose during the war on Chorus, but Caboose seemed to disappear on him. Characters: Agent Washington, Micheal J. Caboose Word Count: 1222 Note: I wrote this for my friend @mirror-mariposa. You should check him out!

War was tough for everyone. The Doctors, the soldiers, the civilians (how little there were nowadays). Chorus has so few people now that only the youth, elderly, and terribly injured were considered civilians now.

For some people, this wasn’t their first war, and it was slowly taking its toll on them. Wash and Carolina were once freelancers. Being a freelancer became all they knew for the longest time. Their time in the Great War defined them. The siblings spoke often about those times to each other, but they rarely spoke about it with others. It felt more comfortable that way. They rarely mentioned their lives before joining the Reds and Blues to others. No one pushed them; it wasn’t their place. They all knew the two had a hard time.

However, a lesser known fact about the team, Wash and Carolina weren’t the only members who fought in the Great War. No one would expect that someone from Blood Gulch would have fought in the war; none of them were fit to be in the war in their current state. Yet, the Reds and Blues knew about Caboose’s past. They knew of his purple heart and why he had it. They had an ex-Spartan on their side.

War took its toll on them, mentally and physically, the first time, and it was taking its toll the second time as well. Everyone’s body ached from the almost constant training and battling they took part in, and their mental states had seen better days. It was reopening old wounds for the Great War veterans.

Wash fell back into trying to force people to see him as a leader. He found himself being bossy and a little too harsh towards the younger soldiers without meaning to; Carolina was always there to snap him out of it. Carolina would start spending more time alone, pushing herself further than she should be. Church did all he could to stop her from doing that and to take a rest, and when he couldn’t, he would get Wash’s help.

However, Caboose was different. He acted like his usual self from before they joined the war, and it seemed like nothing was bothering him. He was as air-headed as always, maybe even more so, but only people who knew him very well would be able to tell that. Tucker and Church had mentioned that he seemed off a few times. This led Wash to agree to keep an eye on Caboose the best he could with how much the ex-Spartan moved around.

Wash started to wonder why he was the one to agree to this one day when it seemed extra hard to find Caboose anywhere. He wasn’t in his room. Nor was he in the training room, nor the weapons room, or with any of the Red and Blues. There was nowhere else he could look, or so he thought. Stepping outside to clear his head, he heard Caboose’s voice nearby.

“You know, it’s not that bad, really. I mean, what would John say if he saw me freaking out now? I fought in worst battles.”

Wash’s eyebrows furrowed at the words. He was talking to someone? Everyone who it could be was inside; Wash knew everyone was from looking for Caboose. He also didn’t think Caboose would be one to talk so casually with an enemy like he was, unless it was to mislead them.

The ex-freelander’s steps were as quiet as he could make them, following the sound of Caboose’s voice. He wasn’t too far from the main building, but he was near a smaller building that they didn’t use. Wash stopped at the corner of the building and peeked out at the other man.

Caboose was sitting on the ground with his helmet off, resting on the ground by his side. His hair was getting too long, falling into face, and his eyes looked tired. Wash finally saw who he was talking to.

In his lap, there was a small cat. It didn’t look like a kitten, but it definitely looked undersized for a full grown cat. It had long orange fur that was dirty and part was matted.

“Meow”

“I know, I know,” Caboose smiled softly, reaching into one of his armor’s pockets. “I brought something for you.”

The man held out his hand flat towards the cat. The cat sniffed whatever it was before stepping closer, tilting its head down. Food, he was feeding it.

“That’s all I could bring you this time, Garf. I’ll try to bring some more later.”

The cat looked up at Caboose and mewed before rubbing its head against his hand. It finished the food before starting to make circles in Caboose’s lap, curling into a ball.

The blue armored man ran his hand over the cat and started to speak again, “It’s not so bad… Church is still here to yell at me for my screw ups.”

His words sounded forced, like he was trying to convince himself of these. “It reminds me of Blood Gulch… I miss it there.”

“You would like it there,” Caboose tilted his head a little, looking down. His eyes softened. “I would keep you nice and fed, and you could come inside, and you could sleep in my bed, and… and we wouldn’t be fighting a real war.” His shoulders drooped a little as he went on. A sigh left his lips.

Wash decided it was time to make himself known. He slowly walked over, still trying to make his footsteps as quiet as possible. The ex-freelancer pulled his helmet off.

“There you are.”

Caboose’s head snapped up, taking a moment to realize who it was. He made himself smile at the other man. Without his helmet, Wash could tell it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Washington!”

Wash forced a smile back. “Hey, Caboose.”

The older man sat on the ground in front of the other. The cat, Garf, lifted its head to look at the newcomer. Wash reached his hand up to allow the cat to sniff him. The cat did before mewing and laying its head back down. The man smiled softly before looking up, pulling his hand back.

“You doing okay, buddy?”

Caboose opened his mouth to respond, but Wash first added, “Caboose, don’t lie. Do you need to talk?”

The ex-Spartan hesitated, rubbing the cat’s head with his thumb. “...I don’t like this, the fighting and the noises and killing and…”

A sigh left the ex-freelancer’s lips. “I know, I don’t either,” he glanced back down at the cat in the Blue’s lap. “Hey, why don’t we go back inside? That cat could use a bath, and I think I could help sneak more food to it.”

Caboose perked up at this, eyes widening. He stared at the other man, wondering if he was telling the truth. Wash nodded at him. The Blue’s smile became genuine as he got off the ground, holding the cat in one arm. He grabbed his helmet with his free hand before starting to rush towards the main building. Wash smiled to himself as he got up to follow.

War was hell, and it was taking its toll on them all. But maybe with a cat around base, it would help at least one get through it all, and that was better than nothing.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Dating J ❤️❤️

Being in a relationship w/ Agent J would look like:

CONSTANT LAUGHTER--there is never a dull moment with J, it is his daily priority to make sure you're on the verge of tears laughing at least once a day

Being the best dressed couple outside of MIB. Seriously, y'all are the type of couple people wanna come up to and get fashion tips. 

Always stressing out K, the old man never gets a break when third wheeling with you two. Sometimes you two try to play wingman and set him up with someone, but K is the type to do an Irish goodbye and have y'all wondering where the hell he went. 

Blasting 90s hip-hop/ R&B in the car and singing at the top of your lungs--especially cruising down the city in the late hours of the night. 

Going to dance clubs whenever you get the night off and having all the attention on you two because you guys are the best dancers.

Playing video games together--which leads to a competitive brawl between the two of you, but y'all make up with kisses and cuddles

The type of couple to host BBQs, game nights, or dinner parties with your fellow MIB agents--K always gets the first dibs on everything

Being besties with Frank and O--although J can't stand when Frank tries to hit on you and threatens to have him put down. 

Nearly kicking his ass when he traveled back in 1969 without telling you, but giving him a great big kiss when he returned safe and saved K. 

J giving the best hugs, making you never want to leave his embrace and hold on to him tighter when he has to leave for a mission.

Being the only person in the world J would go to war against aliens with to protect--because you are worth a million galaxies and all the stars in the universe. 

[previetoons]

You know, Daisy and Sousa's baby would've turn 2 years old today

And if you're wondering how/why let meee explain:

The agents of shield finale episode aired on August 13th, 2020, and during the finale episode, Simmons gave Daisy the anatomy analysis test result. And, as we all know, most dousy shippers (including myself, obviously) predicted that Daisy's anatomy analysis would include a pregnancy test result. (cuz ya know Daisy and Sousa have stay together in space for over a year,, so ifykwim( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°))

Average pregnancy lasts about 38-40 weeks (280 days) and August 13th 2020-May 12th 2021 is approximately 38 weeks ish (272 days) though 38 weeks birth is considered as an early term baby, but from what i researched, babies born at 38 weeks is normal

Aaaand since average pregnancy would last around 280 days, dousy baby's due date would actually be on May 20th.

But yeah! Anyways that's just an explanation based on my research lol. If theres anything wrong feel free to correct me! Sorry for the grammar mistakes, english isnt my first language so yeah :]

Not very sure on what else to add but my personal headcanon for dousy baby is, his name is Jordan Philip Sousa-Johnson and he was born in space at May 12th 2021 (7:09am)

Also friendly reminder that this is just my headcanon n stuff ywaaah (*^▽^)/★*☆♪

So uhh.. happy 2nd birthday to Jordan!!💙💜🎉 We all (??) wish you are very canon

[slyvester101]

Wash can cut the skin off of any fruit in one big peel. Perks of being a master with the knife.

Caboose only lets Wash cut his food because of it, enamored by the careful way Wash peels the skin off his oranges or apples. Tucker will grumble about it, calling Wash a showoff but he’s also impressed by his ability to skin a potato until it’s perfectly peeled.

[agentcaboose]

💖🥰💙😍 CABOOSE 🥰💖😍💙

I'm still messing with my Tucker and Tex designs, also this was mostly drawn after my ethnicity headcanon post

So, Tex- Hopi, Wash- half(?)Korean, Caboose- Mexican, and Grif- Māori and Hawaiian (Simmons token white boy Latino before cyborgification)

[fayesia]

~nsfw alphabet headcannons~

Aaron Hotchner

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Hotch is a dad in the show so his parental instincts pull through meaning he’d be so good with aftercare, making sure you’re all taken care of physically and emotionally.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Hotch loves your ass whether it’s in your office pants or in the newest lingerie he spoilt you with. You love Aaron’s hands. easily distracted by them when you’re both on the job or when they’re wrapped around your neck and he’s pounding into you from behind.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

Hotch loves spreading his cum across your ass, painting it all over you after he turns them a bright red.

D = Dirty secret (a dirty secret of theirs)

Hotch secretly loves dabbling in voyeurism, having a quickie in the utility cabinet when fellow agents are looking for either of you, while your moans are nearly heard by passers-by gets him off.

E = Experience (how experienced are they?)

Hotch is well experienced as he’s much older than you are but he’s always loved teaching you new things.

F = Favorite position

As an ass man Hotch loves to have you doggy style, hands either gripping onto your hips or around your neck pushing you into a deep arch against the mattress.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous?)

he wouldn’t be too goofy during sex but maybe before or after there would be some humorous moments.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they?)

Hotch is as well groomed down there as he is on his head, neat and tidy for sure.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment?)

Aaron is quite intimate except maybe when he’s really dominant and gets rough with you as a form of punishment.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

On trips across the country where he must be away from you, the two of you might take the risk of mutual masturbation over the phone or he’ll have to jerk off to picture or videos you’ve taken in the past on his phone.

K = Kink(s)

Hotch definitely has a dominant side of him in and out of the bedroom and having you call him sir would have him fucking you ten times harder and faster.

L = Location (favorite places to do it)

you both do it mostly in the bedroom or hotel rooms but one of the most memorable times for the two of you would be when he bent you over his office desk and fucked you.

M = Motivation (turn ons)

Anytime Hotch sees you wearing tight clothes around the office or even when you’re out on duty in your uniform that hugs your curves perfectly, he can barely go about the case without being distracted. When you’re at home seeing you in a summer dress would drive him wild.

N = No (turn offs)

Hotch would draw the line at any age play.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving)

He would treat you first, eating you out until you cum at least once.

You love seeing him lose control and in his office when you’re kneeling under his desk he’s used to having you suck him off before hoisting you up and fucking you in his lap.

P = Pace (are they fast or slow, sensual or rough)

Hotch is usually intense and rough, but he’d make sure you were enjoying it and depending on the type of moment it is he could also be slow and gentle holding you close to him.

Q = Quickie (do they like them, how often do they do them)

You would like them more than Hotch but he wouldn’t be against them by any means. They don’t happen often but when they do it’s a spur of the moment and filled with a lot of passion.

R = Risk (do they like risky sex)

He would enjoy seeing you under his control like when you’re trying to keep quiet because of how hard he’s doing you, so the idea of risky sex is appealing to him.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Hotch would have a good amount of stamina so maybe a maximum of 2 rounds before he’s coming, but he would’ve made you cum a lot more times before he does.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them on a partner or themselves?)

He wouldn’t own any toys himself but he wouldn’t be against using some of yours on you during sex.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Hotch would LOVE to tease you, if you’re r in public or in the bedroom he does not care.

V = Volume (how loud they are during intimacy)

They’re not that loud but god do they do things that make YOU so loud, easily masking over any of the noises he makes.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

ceo!aaron hotchner x personal assistant!reader: he would use you as his own personal fucktoy during work and spoil you all the time when you aren’t together.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Hotch keeps in good shape considering his career. He’s probably at least 7 or 8 inches erect.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Hotch isn’t always horny but when he’s around you his sex drive is very strong and he could go for numerous rounds.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards?)

Hotch would make sure you were all taken care of, softly caressing you until you both fell asleep close to each other.

[ddejavvu]

nsfw j with hotch pls💕

request a letter of the alphabet for your favorite character!

this post is 18+, minors dni.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Straight-laced Agent Hotchner rarely jacks off before he meets you. if he does, it's mostly mechanical, only for the release of pressure. but he's not often in the mood, because what time does he have for pleasure when he's holed up in his office all day thinking about murderers? it's not exactly lust-inspiring. but when he meets you and starts going out more and rediscovers his interests/passions he starts getting the urge more and more, and relieving himself for pleasure this time, instead of just because it kind of feels like the right thing to do for some reason, or just because he finally has the time. all of a sudden Mr. Hotchner has to take some bathroom breaks at work because the lock on his office door needs replacing, and he's gone for a little longer than he should be.

i can't stop thinking about him jacking off. his big hands, but his big dick, too. his thick fingers wrapping around his cock and the expression on his face as he tries keeping himself contained. he probably sighs/grunts/groans, but it's subdued because he doesn't want to be too loud. his eyes flutter shut and he leans his head back against the wall of the bathroom, or against his pillow/headboard, and strokes himself off with that massive hand of his.

[notebotted-x31]

Squid siblings full design!!!

Along with Headcanons:

(I forgot Marie's beauty mark and lips FUCK)

Callie Cuttlefish:

Inktoling - 75% Octoling, 25% Inkling

She/They/Bun - Demigirl

Permanent Version of her Splatoon 2 Hero Mode Tatttoo, it used to be washable but she got a permanent version as a show to her heritage

Eye Injury from the Shot on her eye in Splat2.

She got a scar while younger that resembles Octavios Scar (Her Grandpa)

Their Parents are actually mostly octolings. They just ended up dying or being forced out after Callies birth, so Callie was mostly raised by Cuttlefish (Who doesn't... really like her resemblance to his ex)

Actually chose her story mode outfit, she's slowly been embracing her octoling heritage!!!

Currently A Dj in The Octoling Underground (It's just a club mostly meant to joke about it very much not being underground)

Suffering from the funniest (Autism and Anxiety ✨️) and has always felt out of place compared to people (both metaphorically and physically)

Marie Kenasaki:

Inktoling - 25% Octoling, 75% Inkling

He/Him - Trans Man

Related to Tataki Kenasaki (Inspired by @/Nephilimbrute)

Transitioned between Splatoon 2 and 3!

Is currently still running the squidbeak platoon.

Used to have a nasty attitude while younger, Due to the fact that Callie's resemblance to Octavio off put Craig Cuttlefish, to the point where it influenced the cousins relations, until Marie got older. It's now something that's left him physically ill even having his idol persona. Insulting Callie makes him feel sick. Even if it's playful.

Aspd havers rise up. He has aspd. It came out in him being the more rebellious sibling while younger and generally being a "horrible rule breaker". He thinks it's stupid.

Hes gotten top surgery!!!

Currently with my agent ocs, he gets along with agent 4 the best, and goes to her for helpful advice.

Gay/j