#again sorry to self promote i just have. so many feelings about them.

[sunriseverse]

not to self-promote but i actually have written over 25k of (english) nanqiu across two fics recently! if you're interested in longing and extreme amounts of affection and poor lin qiushi facing the overwhelming feeling of being loved and loving ruan nanzhu, you might be interested in them—god knows i can never get rid of habits is 12k, rated e for the final section, and tied together over the ring that ruan nanzhu gives lin qiushi, and we have not long to love is 13k, rated m, and explores nanqiu within and without the doors, framed in terms of kisses. i hope one of these will appeal to you!

Another day of crying over not understanding chinese cause I'm currently obsessed with spirealm, but most fanfics in ao3 are in chinese 😭😭😭

Please I barely grasped hsk 1 help 😭😭😭

[cursedvida]

Honestly. Every two or three days someone publishes a post saying "oh why do you like nomae? If mae is bad, she's the villain, blah blah blah" that makes me wonder if these people have a life beyond wasting their time hating.

If you don't like something, can't you just block it? Or can't you just focus on promoting what you like?

Oh my god, do something productive with your lives.

It's good to see that lately even those who don't ship nomae are against these people.

There are many points we can discuss about this.

For example, we can talk about how absurd and pointless it is to throw hate at a ship. I mean, what do people gain from it? Making others feel bad? Do they really get satisfaction from shaming and trying to make people feel guilty for just trying to escape reality for a while by shipping and fangirling over things they like in a healthy and purely playful way? Do they seriously find any pleasure in it? Does it give them dopamine or something? Because if they really need to crush people to feel better about themselves, what I would recommend is to leave the internet and start therapy because these are indeed very sadistic and sociopathic behaviors.

Putting aside the melodramatic and catastrophic moment, we can also talk about how sad it is to waste time hating something instead of doing something productive like, for example, creating content. They complain that the KotPotA tags are infested with things about Nomae, but do they contribute anything beyond the hate? Do they write dissertations, present theories, upload gifsets or fanarts? No, of course not, they just throw crap. I mean, if it bothers you so much that when you enter the tag 90% of the content is not to your liking, then I invite you to fill the tag with things you do like. You are free to do so. But I guess it’s much easier to just complain instead of making an effort to contribute.

This brings me to another point that I find very ironic. Yes, everything is full of Nomae, but that is precisely what keeps the fandom alive. Every day someone uploads some fanart, some video, some comment or fanfic. Every day there is someone talking in this tag about the topic that, whether many like it or not, means talking about the movies. Let’s be honest, those of us who keep fandoms alive (and I speak in general) are the shippers, especially when they are fandoms of franchises whose content are movies that take years to come out. If it weren’t for people fangirling all the time, there would be no content on social media. I’m sorry if you don’t like that content, but once again I invite you to use your freedom of expression to create rather than try to destroy people’s self-esteem.

But well, as you say, at least there are people with common sense and enough mental maturity to understand that if you don’t like something, the best thing to do is ignore it and that’s it, as well as understanding that shaming people on social media is very much a thing of 15 years ago and today it’s just pathetic.

[holylulusworld]

The one that got away (1)

Summary: Your best friend breaks your heart.

Pairing: AU!Dean Winchester x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, unrequited feelings, time jump, regret

A/N: This is a little gift for @elle14-blog1 for her birthday. It’s today, so happy birthday, lovely. And, I decided to turn this story into a mini-series. 😁

The one that got away masterlist

Dean Winchester would never break your heart. Right? He’s your best friend. You used to be thicker than thieves. Until. One day. You decided to tell him how you truly feel about him.

You wanted more than being his best friend. So, one day you decided it’s time to step up for yourself and tell him you want more. Much more.

Sadly, Dean didn’t require your feelings. He stammered your name, telling you he was sorry, but doesn’t feel the same. It was worse that he hugged you and told you he’s going to be your friend if that’s enough.

You shook your head and choked out his name. “No,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “I think we cannot be friends any longer. I love you, and it’s killing me inside. If you are my friend, you’ll understand that we can never see each other again.”

That day, you walked away with a heavy heart and tears in your eyes. Deep down in your heart, you knew it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes you just fall in love with the wrong person. You cannot force them to love you.

This doesn’t mean it won’t break your heart to cut ties with them…

A few years later, …

Today is a good day. It’s not only your birthday, but the day conference you have been waiting for. You just got a promotion and love your new job. But the best is, that you feel cute and self-confident in your brand-new dress. 

“Y/N, are you ready for the conference?” Your colleague asks. She nervously tugs at her blazer; eyes darting from you to the arriving participants of the conference. “I’m a little nervous. Uh-I hate talking in front of people.”

“Just imagine them naked and you are golden,” you chuckle at your own boldness. She gasps at your words and slaps your arm. 

“That’s not helpful.”

“Hmm…” you nod and drop your eyes to the notes in your hands. You’ll be the one opening the conference and now, you are a little nervous too. “Maybe we should take a deep breath and relax a little. They are all people, and no one is going to bite us if we make a mistake.”

“I wish I could,” she whines. “Wish me luck, Y/N. If I embarrass myself in front of all these strangers, I’m going to drown my sorrows in cupcakes.”

“Phew, I made it.” Half an hour later your colleague stands next to you, sighing deeply. “I won’t do this again. I’m telling you; my panties are soaked.”

“What?” You choke on your spit.

“I sweated like a nun in the church,” she whispers. “I wish you look. I’m going to grab the largest coffee and a dozen cupcakes to celebrate I didn’t embarrass myself.”

You chuckle as someone calls your name. It’s your turn to hold your speech, and you only hope you won’t ruin this. Speaking in front of many people is not your favorite task, to be honest.

While you walk toward the front of the room, you feel all eyes on you. 

You take a deep breath and sort your notes. “Hello, and welcome. We have been looking forward to this conference. All of us.” You smile at the people listening to your words. “Let me introduce you now to our newest project. The one we will be working on together. Cheryl will guide you through the presentation. You can ask me and her questions later.”

Cheryl, your assistant starts the presentation, and you step a little to the left to take the only free seat next to a man who has his back on you and the presentation. 

“Sir, you should turn around. The presentation is—” Your heart stops beating for a minute when the man turns around. A pair of familiar green eyes meet yours. You just stare at him – the man haunting your dreams and thoughts.

“Hello sweetheart,” he casually says, as if you parted ways just yesterday. Dean smiles that million-dollar smile making a woman weak in the knees. Damn him, he still can make your heart race. “How have you been?”

Dean watches you nervously shift in your seat. The presentation and your assistant long forgotten, you drink his features in. There are a few lines around his eyes, and his hair is a little longer. He’s wearing an expensive suit and a tie, but he still looks like the cocky guy who used to be your best friend.

“Good,” you finally reply. “You?”

“Good, I guess,” he clears his throat. “I mean, I like my job, and I still got my car.”

“Baby?” You can’t help but smile. “How is the pretty lady?”

“Still pretty,” he leans closer and brushes his thumb over your thigh. “Not as pretty as you, sweetheart. You look pretty in that dress. Blue suits you.”

“Now you try to charm your way out of this unexpected encounter,” you slap his hand, and chuckle. If only your heart would stop beating out of your chest close to him. “How’s Sam?”

“He’s a lawyer now, and married to Jess,” he says. “You remember the blonde he met before you left town?”

“She was nice.” You clear your throat. “They made a cute couple. I knew there was something special between them.”

He nods, but his eyes sadden a little. “So…are you already married to Mr. Fantastic?” 

“No, I—” you fake-cough. “I was busy making a career and building a life. I didn’t have the time to get married and such.”

“Same. I’m still the untamable bachelor looking for the one.” Your heart flutters when he looks at you. There is something in his eyes you didn’t see before. Sadness, or regret maybe.”

“Yeah,” you nod in agreement. “Finding the one is hard. People are…you know.” You shrug. “It’s difficult to fulfill all the things they look for in a partner. I didn’t fulfill anyone’s standard yet.”

“Y/N, you are perfect. Why would you want to change for a guy?” He squares his jaw when you look away. Dean knows who made you feel this way. 

Cheryl calls your name, and you reluctantly leave your seat to talk about your presentation and the project. 

Dean watches you every move. He licks his lips and leans back in his chair. Dean nervously runs his hand over his thighs, trying to calm his nerves. Seeing you after such a long time woke a longing in him.

There is more than the flutter in his heart when you shyly glance in his direction. If he allows himself to be honest, Dean knows that deep down in his heart he let his soulmate go back then… 

The one that got away (2)

Tags in reblog.

[tacticaldiary]

To Hate A Heart That Beats For You

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: Jealousy, Tension

"Say please." It's all teeth and a sharp teasing voice with her. Ghost stills at the command, annoying flickering its agitated flames.

Every fucking thing about her rubbed him the wrong way, made him so...out of control? Agitated? All of the above? She always somehow manages to make him concede. She did it back then and she's doing it right now with his breath ghosting over her lips, hot and heavy.

Masterlist

There are not many things that shake the foundation of control Ghost keeps a tight grip on.

Throw him in the middle of a gunfight, a brawl or a series of rough drills and he's normally the first one to make it out. All his life he's been the kind of person to keep to himself, to deal with problems as efficiently and effectively as possible.

She was the exception.

Standing in front of him after two years, with the same pride lining her shoulders, the defiance in her eyes.

"You remember the Lieutenant, don't you?" Laswell stands between them, an unknowing mediator.

"We're...acquainted." She says dryly, locking eyes with Ghost himself. Her voice is the same as well. Everything about her is a shock to his system so part of him is glad that she's the one who spoke up.

Two years. Two years since they'd been promoted to the rank of Lieutenant together and gone their separate ways. He'd joined the 141 and she had taken fancy to some tactical intel gathering specialist group.

Laswell pauses, looking up from her file at the clear snap of tension in the air.

"No need for introductions then." She shuts the folder, giving them both her full attention. "She'll be joining your team for today, talking to your recruits about the intel gathering division she's a part of. Sergeant Gaz is already doing vice versa. I expect you to play nice for today, I don't want any... incidents, copy?"

"Copy." She says, watching Ghost nod.

And then suddenly they're alone, with only the thump of distant footsteps from the recruits to punctuate the silence hanging between them.

"As friendly as ever I see."

"I'm as friendly as you are pleasant." Ghost responds.

"I'm plenty pleasant. It's you that's never been able to get that stick out of your ass."

"Careful." He narrows his eyes, pushing himself off the wall. "We know how the last time you picked a fight ended."

"That's cute." She smiles. "I seem to remember you getting put on desk duty for two weeks."

"After I choked you out on the training mat."

"I'm sure you've been dreaming of doing that again." Her self-satisfied smile widens when he doesn't respond for a moment, taken aback. With a shake of her head, she directs her gaze back onto the field where the soldiers are slowly finishing their last lap. "I feel sorry for them. Having to see your ugly mug in the morning with that mask can't make their breakfast settle very well."

An arm brushes against hers, and before he pushes past her, Ghost leans down right next to her ear. "You were yelling quite the opposite the last time you saw it." He whispers with a slightly thicker accent than usual, letting the satisfaction of seeing that smug expression falter for a moment settle deep into him as he knocks past her roughly.

They had a...messy history to say the least.

Two forces as headstrong as them were bound to butt heads. Her earliest memory is arguing with him. The both of them have always had a competitive streak, whether that be on the mat or running timed drills.

That tension had to blow up in their faces sometime, and that time just happened to be the day after they both got promoted...

Her eyes follow his form as he orders the recruits over, telling them to split into small groups, informing them of why she was there.

Red creeps up her neck her mind flashes back to that night. They had been taunting each other in passing all day, silently arguing who the better candidate had been, which one of them deserved it more. It doesn't sound like Ghost at all but they'd always had something more fiery than what they were like by themselves.

One too many jabs had led to a small tussle, which had led to a moment of weakness and...well, now's not the time to remember the frantic touches and calloused hands. The first time she'd seen his maskless...

He certainly had been anything but ugly and that makes her so fucking mad.

Shaking it off, she composes herself and decides to take the reigns.

                                  · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

It's been an hour of standing around, supervising the talk, and Ghost is ready to tear into something. Or someone, more preferably.

His jaw clenches, watching how she floats from soldier to soldier, group to group. The effect on them is instantaneous with the way they straighten up, surprised at being addressed before melting into smiles that are a tad bit too wide and eager, and eyes that wander farther than appropriate.

Her hand lingers on some of their shoulders, elbows nudge and compliments flow out of her mouth.

Maybe he's finally going insane?

A few times their eyes meet, and neither of them look away, too stubborn to be the first to fold. Every time, the corner of her mouth quirks up when she turns to keep doing what she was.

A sick, ugly feeling rears its head inside him at the sight.

What gave those pathetic recruits the right to look at her that way? And why are his fingers twitching for the knives strapped along the expanse of his body?

Why the fuck does he care?

"...Ghost? You with us?" She raises an eyebrow when his glare snaps to her instead. She's wandered over to him, leaving the recruits to talk amongst themselves for a break.

"What?" He says coldly.

"Someone piss in your breakfast?" God, he'd throttle her first, then move on to those other men-

"Same person who pissed in yours." The retort gets him a raise of an eyebrow but nothing more.

"Sure. I'm done here, so you can go back to terrorising the poor kids." It's a receptive group, more than a couple of them had shown interest in what she was saying. A few of the more promising ones she had taken a personal note of, intending to pass their names forward to Laswell to consider.

"Until we have the misfortune of meeting again." She says, and maybe it's a throwaway act of trying to remain civil in such a public setting, but she extends a hand towards him.

He eyes it for a second, eyes narrowing.

"If you're afraid I'll throw you over my shoulder like last time-"

She grins smugly when he takes her hands, squeezing it through the brief handshake a little harder than necessary.

                                  · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

This is a terrible idea.

Somehow, because whoever's up there seems to have a personal vendetta against him, Ghost finds himself standing in front of her office door, a file on all the recruit's scores and past experiences Laswell had ordered him to pass onto her clutched loosely in his arm.

It was 11 at night, but the army notoriously never slept.

Because he's not a fucking animal, he knocks, waiting to hear her call out an okay before pushing the door open.

It's as sparsely decorated as his own office. There's not much to keep the value of sentiment in with lives as busy as theirs, but the things that catch his focus are the small picture frames set on her desk.

After her, of course.

Changed into something more casual, his eyes trace the dips and curves that are so utterly her.

"Did you need something?" She asks, the friendly edge to her voice flittering away when she sees it's him.

"No, but you do." Moving closer, he tosses the file onto her desk. Staring at it for a moment, she clicks her tongue whilst flipping through the pages.

"I'd like to snag a couple of these for my team in a few years." She mutters to herself, pausing over a few of the reports. Ghost's hands twitch with the urge to curl them inwards when he remembers the events of this morning.

She's studying him, he realises. With a quiet, titled expression, she's taking him in head to toe and it's the first time in a while Ghost has felt so stripped to the core.

"Got something to say?" His voice comes out rougher than intended. Making no move to speak, the corner of her lips quirk up slightly. Huffing quietly, she spins her chair back around to face her desk, picking up the pen she'd discarded when he first walked through her doors.

It's quiet. The scratching of pen on paper. Something about it jarrs him, ignites a twinge of irritation because why the hell is she so quiet now after he's asked her a question? Normally she sparsely shuts up enough for his heart to cool down from its quickened pace.

He'd say later on that he weighed the decision he made, that he really thought it through but frankly, the only thing on his mind is her, and it's cloudy with enough anger and an emotion he's not willing to admit right now that he acts without thinking. Completely on instinct.

Ghost spins the chair around so he's facing her and looking down. "Ignoring me now?" He says into the sharp silence. "Never thought I'd see the day you shut your mouth."

"Is that the way you talk to someone you spent the night with?" She answers. He grunts in surprise at her hand curling around the back of his beck, yanking him further down until they're face to face. "That's why you're still here, aren't you? Still bothered from this morning?" The smug look on her face only makes Ghost more irritated because she's right. He could have easily left after dropping the file off. He had no apparent reason to stay. "Couldn't stand the thought of sharing something you've already had a bite out of?"

It dawns on him with her tone right there and then.

She'd been doing it on purpose. The glances to him as she made her rounds, the way she lingered over the recruits only when she could feel his eyes burning into her from behind.

Ghost is met with that teasing, smug grin that fixes him into place a little too effectively because when she hooks an ankle around the bend of his knee and pulls, he goes down onto his knees without much of a fight. He's tall enough so they're actually face to face now, eyes level.

"Finally caught on?" The smooth lilt to has his stomach twisting and his mind reeling, though he stays as composed on the outside as always. Waiting. Watching. Urging himself to keep his hands to himself.

"Fuckin' hell." He breathes out. "You little minx."

"Affirmative."

Heated eyes take in the being that is her. Sharp smiles, dirty tactics, and that attitude that made him want to do things that would get him discharged if he were to ever voice them.

All of her was a deadly beautiful.

It checks out that Ghost is lover of deadly.

Calloused, rough hands, trails up her legs and settle around her hips. His eyes flicker down to her mouth and for a moment, neither of them speak. Then she leans closer and for a moment Ghost braces himself.

"Say please." It's all teeth and a sharp teasing voice with her. Ghost stills at the command, annoying flickering its agitated flames.

Every fucking thing about her rubbed him the wrong way, made him so...out of control? Agitated? All of the above?

He swallows past the bitter taste in his throat. Weighs his options.

"Please."

He mumbles it because she always somehow manages to make him concede. She did it back then and she's doing it right now with his breath ghosting over her lips, hot and heavy.

A smirk curves her mouth. "What was that?" She whispers. "Couldn't quite hear you..." Her hands move from his collar up to the edge of his balaclava, toying with the edge. Ghost makes no move to stop her when she slowly, so achingly slowly, starts rolling the fabric up.

"I fuckin' hate you." He growls, actions and words at war.

"You're showing me a lot of love for someone who claims so." Is all she says, movements halting as the fabric bunches over his nose, laying bare the bottom half of his face. "Would you let anyone touch you like this, hmm?" Skimming her fingers over the scar on his chin, his own hands tighten around her hips at the gentle feeling. She ends up cupping his cheeks. "Because I'll tell you this, Simon-"

It's a physical reaction, the way she says his name. He straightens up instinctively and takes in a muted, sharp inhale. She leans closer, and if he only tilted his head up a fraction they'd brush lips.

"It's been a long time since I've let anyone touch me like you are."

It snaps something in him, maybe his patience or perhaps his resolve.

One hand slides up to the back of her neck, the other one yanks her out of her chair and to the floor. He crashes their mouths together in a kiss that brings an instant sort of relief. It's not sweet by any means, all clicking teeth and pulling at each other. Hands roaming and breaths shared.

Neither of them knows who pulls away first, but eventually they're left to catch their breath, their foreheads pressed together.

Then she laughs, a light, soft breeze. "You should've seen yourself back then. Looked like you wanted to flay those kids alive." She snickers.

"I did." There's no use denying it, not when this, when she, makes something curl up and settle down deep within him. As much as she riles him up, she also brings him a kind of peace that he can't describe.

Goddamn, he's so far gone. Maybe he should book in a psych eval soon...

"Never thought I'd see the day you were like this." She hums, "Wish I'd taken a video of it."

"It won't happen again, love." He shakes his head, trying and failing to push down the slightest bit of amusement. "That you can count on."

"Wanna bet?" She says cheekily, scratching at the nape of his neck with her nails gently. It makes a shiver run down his spine, the curl of her lips widens as she feels it.

"You drive me fuckin' insane, you know that?" He mumbles against her lips.

"You love it." Is all she manages to get out before he pulls her in again.

Requests Are Open! Reblog, Like and Comment!

(27/07/2023)

[bleedingcoffee42]

angry love confessions, "why are you so clueless?"

Perhaps the argument had started somewhere mid-air over Germany, as Nix helplessly watched his plane explode from the relative safety of his chute. At least he had a chance, at least he was out of the plane.

He asked himself what the hell he was doing here? And, to reinforce that question, he had been hustled away as soon as the battle was over when the word was trickling back that a large percentage of the newer C-46s had blown up. It was time to get rid of the observer from the 101st, which was fine by him.

Now he was back home. Barely listening to Dick as he uncomfortably kept to the edges of the room and asked questions that were more reminiscent of what he'd expect from his wife. 'Still drinking only the Vat, huh?'. 'You tell them what you always tell them?'. 'Did you hear me, you've been demoted?'. He stared off into the darkness, glass in hand and numb well before the Vat could really do a damned thing to make that happen. Anger was brewing, anger at everything. To feel again, he would fight. It was who he was. He was, after all, his father's son.

And true to his nature he was getting angry because Dick really thought he did all this for the stars on his jump wings? The rank? the glory? Finally, after just one more pitiful look too many, his eyes leveled at Dick and he hissed, "Why are you so clueless?"

Dick blinked. There was venom in that. "You think I don't understand what it's like losing men?"

Nix barked a laugh, downed the contents of his glass and flipped it over and slammed it down on the table as if it were a shot glass. "Jesus Christ, Dick, you think I do this job for the promotions, citations, medals and my resume?"

"No. I know you do it because you believe..."

"I do it for you. I stopped caring about God and country when your naive ginger ass showed up at OCS. I joined the paratroopers with you, for you, to serve you. And every step of the way I have done my job, and exceeded what was needed only to assist you. I name dropped the Nixon name to get tanks from Teddy Roosevelt Jr on Utah beach for you, for Christ sake. You want, I give. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but a lot of boys gave their lives today for something I didn't need to observe...and have my reservations about needing to be done at all. Mid-air, I realized if I wasn't by your side there wasn't really all that much I gave a shit about. Sorry for your loss, Mrs. Fill-in-the-blank Momma of a dead boy, at least it was me. At least it wasn't Dick Winters. At least he wasn't here."

Dick is left to stare back at those intense gray eyes he had stared into for years without knowing what was really looking back at him. "We all fight for the man next to us, Lew..."

"Oh for fucks sake, Richard!" Nix runs his hand through his hair and throws his head back against the chair. "I love you, you idiot. I love you more than life itself. And I do mean love you more than a brother, or a best friend, I fucking love you in the most intimate meaning of the word. You gave the word meaning, meaning I never knew."

Dick watches him, the tell-tale smirk of Lew's that says he's lit the fuse and is ready to self-destruct. That he's lashed out with truth as a last resort. That he's going to sit there and wallow in self-loathing, and use this moment to accelerate it. Despite being actually clueless all these years, Dick is quick to acknowledge his feelings and act on them. "I love you too, Lew."

[elainsgirl]

why do people deny what elriel has? It baffles me that people actually try to make their scenes they have together into something else and saying its not romantic. we elriel's get called delusional for believing our couple could be endgame even when they have multiple scenes together that backs up our opinions and not one bonus scene that people just nitpicked and did everything they could possibly do to see if their ship could be endgame?!?

sorry, but, no. Im going to keep believing in elriel because I actually read the books and I don't just stick to a bonus chapter and believe a ship could possibly be endgame. thats like with cassian and emerie, when people thought they would end up together, and guess what? they didnt! like we are going down the same road again people!

Also. The fact that people are trying to make gwyn into a main character is laughable. why can't we see that she's just a side character with potential? why are people trying to replace elain with her??? "rhys will love gwyn and be besties" "auntie gwyn" "gwyn will be the savior". im actually sick and tired of acting like I actually cared about gwyn (I liked her character obviously) but she was just there to me, just like emerie. This fandom is just something else.

Hey Anon, I hope you’re having a great day 🫶

I totally get the frustration & annoyance, trust me, it gives you a headache trying to wrap your head around how people are genuinely doubting elriel over a ship that doesn’t even have any romantic scenes. I mean, elriel - a couple which goes back 3-4 books, is genuinely being rivaled with Gwynriel? Two characters that canonically don’t even want each other? They’re being so forecefully shipped over the silliest things. “Gwyn glanced at Azriel in Ch43? Omg its soooo clear she has feelings for him 🤭”

“Did you notice the way Azriel half turned when Gwyn squeaked? AHHHH HE LITERALLY CAN’T HELP NOTICING HER ITS SOOO ROMANTIC!”

Yet when it comes to elriel?

“Elain blushed bcs Az smiled at her? Pffft Sjm was just trying to show us how uncomfortable and awkward Azriel makes Elain” (no joke this was something an anti actually argued once)

You know what happened w that bonus chapter? It was over-exaggerated and over-romanticised.

Imagine this. You absolutely hate elriel and when you first read the bonus, your worst nightmares have come true. Azriel is in fact wanting Elain. There is a mutual attraction and want between them. Your hope that Elain secretly wanted Lucien has gone up in flames or the hope that Azriel didn’t actually want the blandest character in the series has also gone up in flames. Your distraught. Disappointed but then comes along another fmc in the bonus. A female character you actually like, over elain. Ofc you’re going to use that as a way to ship her w Az instead of accepting the obvious. Elain & Az are endgame. Poor Gwyn is simply a self-insert as well as the “better” option for Azriel as she is more widely liked. Her whole interaction w Azriel has been so inflated that when you look at it with unbiased lens, you just find it silly.

How many times have we been told that the shadows love gwyn? That they’re so playful with her? That they performed an entire salsa with Gwyn? Going off this alone, it seems so romantic right? Yet when you actually read the scene,

“Her breath curled in front of her mouth, one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. As thought it had heard some silent music”

How disappointing is that scene compared to the way Gwynriels promote it? The shadows aren’t given any emotions. There is no way to tell they’re being playful. Its not even plural, it was one shadow that danced with gwyns breath. It can’t just be me finding this so unbelievably plain.

Then you get told by gwynriels that Gwyn and Az bantered! They had a simple conversation in which Gwyn herself couldnt care less + Azriel actively was trying to be polite. “Gwyn allows Az to open up so much! We find out he sings” im being honest- if you made it this far not knowing Azriel is a singer despite it being in the literal name, shadowsinger, thats just you being odd. Can’t forget the kicker - “The image sparkkng in his chest, where it glowed quietly”.

But you know what? This could have just been an amusing crackship. Yet, its when antis come for elriel with their stupid takes that get you annoyed especially when its just mischaracterising Elain and Az purposely. THAT becomes bothersome. EL and GA stans have turned Azriel into a toxic, possessive incel that needs to be isolated in therapy away from all women - excluding Gwyn, ofc, gwynnie is the ONLY one that can help him through his disturbing issues bcs Gwynnie is just the best. She will make him realise how foolish he was being over Elain. How his feelings - Az questioning his belief, religion and system, being ready to fight a BD for her, wanting to beg on his knees for Elain were simply a front bcs he didn’t want to admit he’s falling in love w his little gwynnie poo.

Elain? She’s just confused. She doesn’t know what she wants. She’s in denial, Elain can’t handle how badly she wants Lucien, she’s trying to push it all down. You know whats the funniest? Eluciens yap day and night about how toxic Az & the IC are for infantilizing Elain yet the little hypocrites do the exact same thing when it comes to Elains character. Or they apparently need her pov to know how she truly feels about Lucien bcs Elain losing her boldness and saying verbally - she doesn’t want a mate, is not enough.

. They have to make elriel toxic bcs thats the only way their ships can happen. Its not possible otherwise.

As you said, elriels dont need the bonus. The ship is more then canon within the books, the bonus simply gives more insight into Azriels character in acosf, but gwynriel? The bonus is their entire foundation. Without it they have nothing aside some out of context scenes. For eluciens? They need the bonus to back up their whole “elriel is toxic agenda”.

Keep on shipping elriel, anon. You’re shipping a couple that have had genuine interest in each other, that have had multiple scenes developing them from Azriel figuring out elain is a seer when only her her mate was suppose to figure it out, too Nesta noticing a charged glance. From Azriel staying up late at night talking to Elain too Elain gifting him a personalised headache powder. Elucien & gwynriel have absolutely nothing when compared too elriel. Im sorry, but Az chuckling bcs of Gwyn isn’t compared too when Elain made him laugh so joyously it cleared the shadows from his eyes. Elain, who mentioned nothing when Lucien showed up hurt - went out of her way to make Azriel a headache powder to help him feel better.

people would ship Az with anyone. They’re that desperate for another Li aside from Elain. I can guarantee you, if there was another fmc Az had interacted with, gwynriels would split so damn fast - kind of like what happened when Bryce and Az interacted. Antis were so desperate - they shipped Az and emerie in acofas calling Elriels toxic for not succumbing to the likeliness of that ship. Its a cycle. Fandom hates certain character in a ship, looks for alternative ship, ships them, ship sinks and fails then they have to accept the ship they hated sm. Cycle continues.

Didn’t you know anon? Since Gwyn has a second name and her heritage is known- it immediately means she is now THE most important character especially over Elain. Whose an archeron. The family the spinoffs are about. But that doesn’t matter. Gwyn does not follow the typical fmc pattern sjm has laid out, she isn’t a main character anytime soon. Her stans love saying she is due to her appearance in the bonus but elain also appeared in Azriels AND Feysands bonus. Going by their own logic, Elain is the next fmc. Gwyn was a lovely character in acosf, but she isn’t set to be a main character. Elain was. Gwyn was created for Nesta, she’s Nesta’s bestie. Almost eveything about Gwyn, is linked to Nesta. We have now had Nesta’s story,therefore Gwyn has served her main purpose.

Even gwynriels know that gwyn isn’t an important character as of now bcs she has no ties to the IC. She hasn’t met Feyre, the Main character and sjms biggest voice in the series. Gwyn and Rhys aren’t buddies. He will be a Hl to her. She is simply Nestas friend. Nothing more.

I used to like her character but gwynriels and her stans kept on shoving her down my throat yapping about how awesome & great she is compared to Elain, who was boring. Her stans hated elain so much, bringing her down whilst uplifting Gwyn that I now just can’t stand Gwyn. I haven’t reread acosf bcs I don’t want to go through any gwyn scenes. I dont interact w Gwyn content either. I viewed Gwyn the same way you did. She was a side character to Nestas story. She was great, but didnt stick out to me.

As sad as it sounds, the only reason so many people are obsessed with Gwyn is Bcs they’ve potrayed her as another Li for Azriel. Otherwise, she would have been treated the same way Emerie has been treated. As a side character.

Just to end off: Anon, Gwynriels and Eluciens make themselves look foolish when they claim elriel aren’t romantic or obvious. How am I suppose to take their ships seriously when they can’t even acknowledge elriels’ foreshadowing and romance clearly displayed in the books? If you’re claiming you saw absolutely nothing going on between elriel - but gwynriel were so obvious to you - then thats just embarrassing for you. It’s clear that there’s some denial going on.

[obsessive-dumpling]

If you don't mind, can I ask something from My Hero Academia? What do you think are Midoriya and Bakugou's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic? Sorry if you've answered these questions before.....

Also, If you don't mind me asking (again), can I also ask your top fav characters and fav moments from the series (BNHA)...? Thanks if you want to answer....

Hello! I'm so sorry, I'm not sure how long this has been sitting in my asks because I don't know about y'all, but mine is a black hole. (For real, I checked today and it said I had 8 asks but I could only see 2 and one of them was one I have been trying to delete for like ten years but it won't budge. So if you send an ask and I don't answer, know that it's due to the black hole. It will give you back to me when the time is right. I hope.) But I am more than happy to answer!

What do /I/ think are Midoriya and Bakugo's greatest personality strengths and weaknesses... There really isn't enough time and space for me to cover all my thoughts but...

Let's start with Baku, shall we? I think that his greatest personality strength is actually his charisma. *Crickets* Wait! Hear me out! Baku throughout the series is often painted into a position of leadership. In the beginning, it is thought that, that is solely based on his strong quirk. But it's not. He exhibits having that leadership quality even before him and Izuku are supposed to get their quirks. During the Licensing Exam Arc (as well as the Kidnapping Arc) Aizawa gives a whole [2] monologue[s] about this. Katsuki is a natural born leader and hero though he presents prickly. And I think the reason why is because the charisma he exudes is authentic and honest to his character and others can see that. He might be perceived as mean but he is trustworthy and he has follow through. Any joint trainings or missions we've seen him in shows that. His teammates may complain, but they don't actually question him. They trust him and his assessment, judgement, and execution of resolving a situation. Though not traditionally "charismatic", we have to give it to the man who has won "favorite character" as many consecutive times as he.

For Deku, it's much less nuanced and much more straightforward. His biggest personality strength is without a doubt his unwaivering belief in people. He truly believes the best in every single person. I don't think I need to expound on that one as much, as it is shown *waves at entire show* countless times.

Before I get into the weaknesses, I would like to point out that these two characteristics put together start to answer one of your other questions: "Why do you love their dynamic?" I love their dynamic for many reasons but when you face these two characteristics in these two different characters (who start out at odds) and make them face each other, something beautiful happens.

Izuku's unwaivering belief in Katsuki to be better, to be THE BEST, and Katsuki's unwaivering resolve to always show up as he is WITH expectation calling him to new heights, and then watching that cycle motivate Izuku to be a better version of his own self is just so....inspiring? The word doesn't feel big enough. They are the personification of an infinity symbol. ♾️ Just constantly pouring back into one another and becoming stronger for it.

It really brings back the meaning of "rivals" and what they should be. I feel like the Shonen genre has a habit of getting caught in its own equation of what makes a Shonen a Shonen and loses the meaning of what the genre was originally created to promote: rising above it all. Bakudeku does a really great job of calling out the bad points of the genre and resetting them back to a worthy messaging. We're all continuously learning and trying and growing to be the very best we can be. And that progress is never supposed to end.

With that said, let's talk about weaknesses.

Baku's is obvious: his pride. The boy ends up having amazing amount of self reflection, but it comes at the cost of having a painful amount of time for self correction. And he's still trying. And I'm certain that it is Horikoshi's vision to have him always trying and learning and growing some more. None of us are perfect, not even Kacchan of the Bakugo's. And that's, again, how it should be. Katsuki is a great character for wearing his flaws so openly on his sleeves from start to finish.

Deku's is less obvious I think: his pride. Yes, I think they both have the same downfall. Izuku's pride and arrogance does not come from the same place as Baku's. His comes from a fearless pit that allows him to throw his body around like it means nothing. Self sacrificial without the awareness. Dangerous combo. Baku has him beat by miles on the self awareness train. A strategic brain without self awareness allows him to overcome virtually all his obstacles without any consideration for the consequences to himself or those who care for him. This is a repeated theme that we see illustrated time and time again by Inko and by the end, all of his friends and Kacchan himself. Izuku's pride is arguably bigger than Katsuki's, which therefore makes it harder to overcome. To be honest, I don't think we've actually really seen this have ANY concrete improvement throughout the series as he regularly reverts to self sacrificing throughout the entire series BUT I do think it will be addressed by the end. He is, as of now, at least aware of his shortcomings.

I could talk about these two for days so obviously they are included in my last answer to your questions: top favs. So these are my favorites outside of our wonder duo (for the record all of my fav moments are bkdk):

-Hawks: I love the duality he lends to the series in bringing the question: how do you form morals you can stand on in a corrupt society? Specifically in a transitional generation (a generation between two times in history like millennials and Gen Z's (in their own rights)) while the world falls apart around you.

-Shoto: As someone who comes from complicated, multigenerational trauma, I really did not want to like Shoto or his story. I tried to get away from being a fan but honestly the ultimate move he developes and the resolution he comes up with for his own families story killed me. A flame that doesn't destroy?! Come on! He literally became peace! I didn't stand a chance!

-Koji Koda & Mezo Shoji with Spinner: Tackling the complexities of racism in modern times where people try to say it doesn't still exist. Holding everyone accountable, as they should. There is so much here.

-Tenya Iida: Define justice for me really quick. This man is trying his ducking best.

-Fat Gum: I'm so glad you're not dead! Sunshine incarnate. He makes me WANT to believe in myself.

-Mount Lady: Turn around of the century for me as a character. I love a "came in shallow but stood firm when everyone else ran" queen.

-Virtually every character in MHA because they all give the same message:

Be.

Better.

Be.

Better!

Be!

Better!

Be Better!

God all of THIS is why I love MHA. Why I love bakudeku. I know I'm going off now and I'm sorry but, it's fucking scary outside right now.

Our world is crumbling.

And I can hear man,

named Kohei Horikoshi,

who had no superpower,

but was an artist,

and used the talent that he did have to create a series,

that allowed him to SHOUT at the world to:

BE BETTER!

He wanted to create a symbol of hope.

And he did it.

And that is my absolute favorite part of My Hero Academia. 💛❤️💙

@dnana-2809-blog thanks for the ask 💛🥟

[squarebracket-trickster]

Sorry guys, rant incoming. I considered deleting this but I put too much effort in.

"girlboss" "girl dinner" "girl math" "boy math" "gen z are making fun of us for wearing x" "here's how to dress like gen z:" "girlies" "girl's night" "boy's night" "me and the boys" "90s kid"

"I don't feel like an adult" "I'm 34 and I can tell you, I still don't feel like an adult either." "My parents seemed like real adults when they were my age." "I still feel like a teenager."

Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you started calling yourself one. Maybe you'd feel more like an adult if you stopped trying to dress like a teenager. Maybe you should move your bed out from the wall and get a wallet. Maybe find a calendar app that works for you.

You are an adult. Even if you live with your parents. Even if you do part-time shift work at minimum wage. Even if you haven't graduated college. Even if you are single. These are adult things to do. Because you are doing them. And you are an adult. Start treating yourself like an adult. Fake it 'till you make it if you have to.

In other, writing-related, news:

That trend on TikTok of 20-40 something women authors (and writers yet to be published) promoting their books like,

"Omg! I can't believe I've sold X number of copies!! I never thought I would!" "Ahhhh imagine publishing your book and all your dreams come true and now you get to meet famous authors and work with big names in the industry!!" "Would you read a book where [proceeds to list a bunch of oversaturated tropes that tell me nothing about the actual plot]?"

It reeks of infantilization. If you didn't believe anyone would want to read your book, why should I? You made it on the NYT bestseller list! Stop acting like a mega-fan who got to meet a celebrity. You are their peer! "Would you read a book--" What if I wouldn't? Why does it matter to you what I think of your book? And for the love of god stop hiding behind tropes you know are already popular. "Here is my book: This is what it is about." Have some goddamn confidence.

It is fine to mention in passing "this idea was really far-fetched so I didn't know if it would appeal" or "I was struggling with self-esteem when I wrote this". It's fine to fan a little bit. It's fine to discuss the tropes in your book. But why are you building your brand as an author off of your inferiority complex? You are using your poor self-esteem as a marketing tactic to seem "humble" and "relatable" but it's coming across as unprofessional and desperate for reassurance. You are an adult. You are competent. The more you act like it the more you will believe it.

And of course, I haven't seen a man promote his book this way...

On another note, do any of the 20-40 something women writers who do "write with me" videos on TikTok actually enjoy writing or are they just doing it for the aesthetic?

They all have gorgeous minimalism writing spaces full of white and pink and a macbook beneath a window. Their makeup is done and they are conventionally pretty to start with. But their entire video is just them talking about how little progress they made, how many pages they deleted, how often they got distracted, how frustrated they are. And like, yeah. We all have those days. But what about the good lines you can't wait to share? The days when the words just flow? The cool stuff you learned while researching? Why don't you ever make videos about that?

Is this some other attempt to seem "relatable" by only talking about the "bad" side of writing? Because again, it's coming across as lacking confidence at best and, at worst, that you don't actually know how to write. And that is not the brand you want as an author.

Again, its always women. Why must women market their self-esteem issues in order to sell their art? Why must we be perpetually awestruck children (girlies, book girls) in over our heads?

[padfootastic]

Hey, so, I just saw your post about FoD. And while I'm absolutely, truly delighted that you're updating - it feels like a blessing from the heavens, truly - I do want you to know, no matter how cheesy or uh, cliché this may sound, that I and many other people really appreciate the amount of love you put into your works. I know this is probably very self-projectiony of me, but sometimes, writing just gets really frustrated sometimes. It never seems to come out write and the worlds are jumbled up and life, well, life sucks. And sometimes, it feels like what's the point, you know?

Maybe you don't feel that way - in which case, I'm super sorry for just being a rambling mess - but I want you to know that you a brilliant writer. Just simply one of the most evocative, amazing, made of stardust, writers. Your writing is comforting, cathartic, it feels like home.

I read your fics back when I didn't have an AO3 account - or any fanfiction account - on FFN and then dive bombed into your AO3. I created a tumblr just so I could stalk your headcannons. You just have so much love to pour into your works, you know? You made me love Sirius. Change my perspective of him. And well, taught me to just have fun with the source material.

And I guess, the point of this all is, is that I want you to know how important you are. Your fics were the self-soothing therapy I needed after a bad exam or just a blue day. Your headcannons are something I simply scroll through and let it expand my view and just, well, thank you for existing. Thank you for writing. Thank you for being in this world, despite how cruel it is.

Your writing is comforting. You are brilliant. And well, I'm glad Harry Potter exists so I could come across your work. But, also, if you ever decide not to write again, or even if you update after three decades, that won't change the love I have for this story, for you.

Your writing promotes growth, it lets people grow. It also lets them learn to love. Can't believe it's been five years since I came across your work, you're simply a wonderful, constant star.

i want to hoard your words like a niffier and keep them tucked close to, inside, my chest cavity and never, ever let them out. i don’t know what i did to deserve such unconditional kindness, but i will forever be thankful to you for it. i cannot tell u how much it means to me to hear this, on the back end of some of the worst months i’ve had, and to feel so loved.

i absolutely feel that way, every second of every day that i’m writing. i’m constantly worried about what i’m putting out, the order i’m doing it in, and if it makes any sense outside my head. i’ve been writing for over a decade but that worry has stayed with me always. so hearing this from you, another spectacular author that i immensely respect, is. so, so rewarding. it’s so gratifying. to hear that my fics have carried you through a bad day, that you come back to them again and again, i cannot imagine a higher compliment. i write primarily for myself, as the height of self indulgence, and i know i reread them, but to know that others do, that they love it just as much, if not more—it’s such a privilege. thank you. just, thank you.

[littlelonelymuse]

I usually do not engage in fandom posting on this blog but I feel the need to address the recent situation regarding Halsey.

I am a huge fan of her and have been for quite a long time. The fact that she has to come out with such a (rightfully) tired statement about the disgustingly childish and dehumanising behaviours by self-called fans of them that she has had to endure is utterly unacceptable.

There's a huge, bold and thick line between constructive criticism, which is a fundamental part of one's personal artistic growth, and straight-up hate. Insulting, threatening and harassing Halsey won't make them change a song they have already released. As already stated by herself ina now deleted Tumblr post, it's okay to not like everything a musician or singer puts out but this doesn't give anybody neither permission nor right to flood their DMs and social media with hurtful comments (especially considering the artist in question has been extremely open about their challenging health conditions).

While I myself am not extremely fond of the way her newest single has been promoted and of the single itself (despite it growing on me the more I listen to it), I do not excuse taking a person to such a point of exhaustion.

I understand you might be frustrated with the rollout of this album but we are talking about music. Express your opinion as a normally functioning human being and stop behaving like an asshole just because you have a screen in your hands and a internet connection.

To Halsey, I love you and everything you are doing. Your experimental side is what makes your discography one of the most unique of our generation's pop and mainstream scenes. Try, maybe fail and maybe try again, but never feel sorry for trying. I am looking forward (as so many others are) to whatever this new project will turn out to be.

@tiredandlonelymuse

[antoncore]

nooo pls i love it!! i’m sungchan biased normally (read: sungchan is my man!! /lh) but anton makes me go a little crazy and sending asks on ur blog about him has NOT been helping😭😭😭

so sorry.. this is now going to be extremely self indulgent but!! hear me out if u will… thinking nasty thoughts here but.. this is going in a different direction now but😓😓

having both anton and sungchan as fwbs and anton is of course still very simpy for u and sungchan too but they’d just show it in different ways (just desperately need these 2 to be obsessed with me :( so sad :( but) yeah basically i just want them to fight over me forgive me if i’ve already sent an ask about this exact thing

but like if they know about each other and they’re just always in competition but it looks a little different, like anton would always bring u coffee or snacks when he sees u and little gifts like a necklace or smth so you’d wear it next time u see sungchan and inevitably sungchan would ask who gave it to u🤭🤭 anton would make sure u did stuff for ur birthday and celebrate little things in ur life always making sungchan feel like shit cuz he either forgot about them or didn’t think u cared about ur promotion at work that much🤧🤧

so sungchan would find other ways to make anton jealous instead, taking pictures of u next time and probably each time u fuck, cumming on ur face and tits and then saying “smile for anton” as he snaps a photo of ur ruined self before sending it to the younger boy… or he’d take a video of him fucking your from behind sending it again to anton with just these emojis or smth😜🍆🍑

and then anton would have to retaliate by sending similar images back.. mirror selfies with his fingers buried in ur cunt, saved and sent to sungchan, maybe even an audio clip of u moaning his name! and then at some point they’d inevitably have to settle it with a 3some to prove which one of them makes u feel the best with their cock but i mean how could u make a concrete decision after they’ve both fucked u brainless? lmao

- 🧸 anon

ANON YOURE SO FUCKING INSANE I LOVE THIS???? you haven’t sent an ask for this yet by the way <3

they’d even be fighting for your attention during the threesome, each boy sucking on your tit and asking who does it better. you’d just tell them to shut up, not wanting to think. when anton’s eating you out, sungchan’s rubbing your clit, asking whether you prefer his fingers or anton’s mouth and you couldn’t even give an answer, just whimpering and babbling. they’d even do dp with you, desperate to find out who fucks you better, whispering in your ear “i fuck you better than he ever could, right? moan my name for me, baby.” you’d just be so speechless, your brain just overtaken by the pleasure they were giving you. you’d lost track of how many times you’d cum at this point, you were fucked so dumb.

for the last round, sungchan would take you from behind as you sucked anton off, starting to feel dizzy. the room was filled with moans of your name from the two boys while yours were muffled by anton’s cock. this would end with sungchan finishing on your ass while anton covered your face. like the competitive boys they were, they argued over which place was better to cum making you roll your eyes at them. anton would say cumming on your face was better because you were simply beautiful to him while sungchan argued that cumming on your ass was just sexier🤷🏻‍♀️ you were so fucked out, you didn’t even want to think about who the “better one” was, sending you even further in confusion. (i would choose anton personally, being called beautiful would make me melt quite frankly!)

in conclusion: this has me going insane and i would love to have 2 guys fight over me (only 1 man has found me attractive in my almost 20 years of life)

[osarina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it

[peppered-imps]

Oh wow, what a quick response! Yeah, Obidala and Star Wars related resources would be amazing. (Never ever thought I'd be trying to write anything in the SW universe. Lol. But I just adore the pairing that much.)

and heres a very late response! I hope you're still around, anon. so sorry it took me so long. this isn't an exhaustive list, but I hope it's enough to get you started!

for general star wars:

my favourite resource by far is Wookieepedia. it's just an online encyclopedia of nearly every single conceivable thing in the SW universe for both canon and legends. Most articles feature a tab that can switch between canon and legends material, which makes organizing info really easy.

I also love @gffa for their incredibly well-informed posts, especially under their reference tag. But truly, the whole blog is a wealth of information and thoughtful takes.

I really enjoy Fit For a Queen a lot. its an extensive catalogue of outfits and costumes (mostly Padme's, but there are a few others) and how they were made, what their background is, etc. If anything, I find it really interesting, and it helps when I need to reference a certain outfit for art, fic, or whatever else. It's also a great source of Padme concept art!

I haven't used this one yet but I'm excited to. I was recently sent this post which features a link to transcripts from every episode of The Clone Wars.

I also highly recommend @nabooro, which is ran by my very brilliant friend. it's not a source of canonical info, but it is a really fascinating exploration into the culture of Naboo.

for obidala:

again @gffa because they have a really great obidala tag, with art, fic recs, etc.

@your-dose-of-obidala is a great source for art, edits, and fic (original and recs) as well!

@shierak-inavva is probably my favourite obidala artist and I often find great inspiration in their work (ie this post inspired part of the premise to this fic of mine, as well as a concept in another WIP). they do lots of other art too, and it's all very lovely. here's their obidala tag.

I personally track the obidala tag here on tumblr you'll find tons of really wonderful creators in it as well. I have found so many artists, writers, and friends there. At the risk of leaving any out, I will refrain from tagging anyone else and simply recommend you explore the tag.

and I keep an obidala tag on my blog as well, if you wanna check it out!

for general writing (which I know you didnt ask for but I thought I'd include a couple things):

@writingquestionsanswered is a phenomenal source of writing advice

this really helpful post about some of the basics of tagging on Ao3 if you ever decide you want to share your work there

aaand at the risk of sounding too self-promoting: I keep a reference tag on my blog where I collect various references and sources on writing in general. I also keep an inspiration tag of quotes, poems, book excerpts, etc that personally inspire or motivate me. feel free to check either out or use them as inspiration to create your own tags to help you!

i also have other random sources I use (most of which are saved onto my devices and not anything I can link), so please feel free to message me any time you need some assistance or advice and I'll do my best to help you out!

best of luck and happy writing!! 😊

[scaryarcade]

“to anyone reading this who has plurality-related experiences that they feel don't match up with the experiences of anyone else they know, i want you to know i literally made this blog to invite people to share those experiences and to promote discussion of them!”

Saw this and thought to send something because I’m someone who feels alienated by most plural spaces because so many people seem to believe plurality = being a system (and often nothing else).

For context: I used to be a mixed origin plural system and then just somehow got to a place where that’s not true anymore because I don’t have headmates. Because of this I conceptualise headmates as ‘previous selves’ or a part of my previous self because I’m talking about experiences that happened 5+ years ago. But I also don’t have a good explanation to how this change happened (the plural community is shitty enough about fusion and integration that I tried looking into resources for CDDs about fusion, but the usual stuff I found was that you can’t just unknowingly do fusion & it has to be a conscious effort - which doesn’t describe my experiences). I’m not a system, most likely not a singlet, and also not a median system.

(it could be argued that I have somehow unknowingly resolved trauma by unusual means (me practicing hypnosis, kink, listening to music, and attending peer support meetings), but I still don’t 100% buy that as the reason for why that change happened)

hi, thanks for sharing!! this ask did make me realize i have a habit of treating "plural" as synonymous with "system" without thinking about it, so thank you for bringing this to my attention, and i'm sorry your experience has been so commonly overlooked!

so, re: the idea of fusion in CDD spaces that you brought up, this reminded me--

i actually was reading a post on r/DID the other day that discussed the idea of involuntary/accidental fusion (won't link it because it was about someone's personal experience), and noticed a lot of comments along the lines of "i feel 100% certain that some of my alters fused with each other accidentally/unknowingly, but that can't be the case if we didn't do it on purpose, right?" i've also seen many people who are certain that they've experienced fusion in their system, and that not only was it not purposeful, it was also negative, even traumatic--and i've seen these people get dogpiled repeatedly because their experience contradicts the idea that fusion is ALWAYS a form of healing.

one conception of fusion that deviates slightly from the "it has to be a conscious effort" angle (and may actually be more in line with medical literature but idk off the top of my head) is the idea that fusion occurs when dissociative barriers between alters are completely lowered to the point where the alters no longer perceive themselves as separate; i think this is generally understood to allow for cases where trauma processing/lowering of barriers occurs subconsciously or internally without full conscious awareness.

(definitely not claiming this applies to you specifically though, especially since like you said, unknowingly resolving trauma doesn't feel like it fits with your experience. also, that conception of fusion is specific to the framework of DID/OSDD from a clinical viewpoint, so it won't be useful for everybody anyway)

but anyway fusion, and what qualifies as fusion, is really hotly debated in all kinds of plural spaces isn't it? i wish people weren't so quick to shut discussion of it down. clearly, people are experiencing "multiple headmates becoming one" in a variety of different ways for different reasons. i think your perspective is really valuable and highlights a topic that needs to be discussed a lot more, thank you again for sharing it! and thank you for the important reminder that "plural" =/= "identifies as a system"

[ivogfan]

New Q&A with Ivo in The Times!

Ivo Graham: ‘My gig in Falkirk was top-tier awkward’

The comedian talks his most memorable Scottish performance, his long-enduring love for Gary Neville and why a recent trip to the dentist left him flabberglasted. [NON-PAYWALL VERSION]

When did you first come to Scotland?

We came up most years as children to stay with cousins just outside Stirling — shout out to the Gargunnock Grahams — but we also came as a family to the Edinburgh Fringe in 1999. I wouldn’t be the self-promoter I am if I didn’t mention that my report of the trip was given a commendation by my headmaster.

What has been your most memorable Scottish gig?

Falkirk, 2019, days after a pretty top-tier break-up, in front of 13 people, five of them friends of my parents. Lovely as it was of my mum and dad to email all their extensive contacts in the Falkirk area, it would almost have been less awkward if it was eight people, none of them family friends.

What’s your favourite place in Scotland?

Ullapool — its harbour is one of the most serene bodies of water I have ever had the good fortune to gaze upon. My brother and I were there in 2019, him sent by my parents to cheer me up post-Falkirk.

What’s been your most embarrassing moment?

I feel very certain there are going to be a few contenders this month, but to raid the recent archives, I’d have to say being caught by two Taskmaster fans eating a KFC mini fillet burger in the toilets of Corley services (southbound).

Tell us a secret.

In 2016 I won a Toblerone from my friend Matt because I correctly bet what song Foals would open their set with at Wembley Arena. However, despite my protestations to the contrary, I HAD checked their previous setlists online ahead of the gig. I just really wanted the Toblerone. I’m not proud of who I am.

What’s your favourite journey?

I spent much of the last hour of the London-Edinburgh train yesterday trying to capture the sublime power of the Northumberland coastline in a tweet (rather than just looking at it) and I am not ashamed to go into bat for it again here.

What’s your earliest memory?

Obviously I have plenty of blurrier stuff from the mid-Nineties but I very vividly remember going for lunch in summer 1998 (seven years old) with a boy called Julian in a nearby village. We were starting at the same boarding school in September so our mums thought it would be nice if we had a friend. Julian remains one of my best friends to this day, and I lived with him and his own young family during two of the three lockdowns, so needless to say: thanks, socially manipulative mums. Anyway, my vivid memory is my brother (then three) relieving himself fantastically unapologetically in the middle of Julian’s garden, and me worrying that in some way this would damage my new arranged friendship with Julian. In fact, it’s become something we both reminisce about regularly, so needless to say: thanks, casually urinating brother.

What’s the best meal you’ve had in Scotland?

So so many options but the haddock wrap at the Seafood Shack in Ullapool. Or the 20-minute curry I had at Solti with Stuart Laws last night, a lamb madras against the clock for a video that I hope to use at the start of my show. The food was delicious, although admittedly I was not exactly pausing to give it much thought. I am now having an Africa wrap with my producer at the Nile Valley Café. I have had many of these wraps at this table over the years, usually at the invitation of Kieran Hodgson, whose shows I have loved since even before they became the unstoppable forces/immoveable objects of the Edinburgh Comedy Awards, and who expresses his love of this festival and its wraps far more poetically than I can in this time frame.

Who was your childhood hero?

I’m really sorry to say that beyond a sincere but uninteresting reverence for my parents/a couple of my more charismatic teachers, I didn’t emotionally project onto anyone other than footballers until I was at least a teenager. In the late 1990s, as a Manchester United glory hunter yet to pivot to my local team (Swindon Town FC), I’m afraid I really did spend a lot of time wanting to be Gary Neville: a dignified older brother, as I still dream of being, and leader of men, as I don’t think is really likely at this juncture, who had such a lovely on and off-pitch relationship with the more obvious hero figure of David Beckham.

Tell us one lesson life has taught you.

I’m still some way off any Big Wisdom, sadly, so please enjoy instead a trio of recent resolutions: always print off tickets if you have the opportunity to (absolute QR code-based panic attack at a War on Drugs gig recently); always have pens and paper with you (drawing with my daughter is one of the most pleasurable and also strategically useful activities in my life at the moment); and if you have the opportunity and chiropractic derring-do to put someone on your shoulders at a festival (aka the best thing ever), do make sure to do a little spin so they can take in every angle of this absolutely sublime life moment. It’s all about these moments!

What song would you have played at your funeral?

Oh for goodness’ sake. And I’m meant to just have this ready to go, am I? What I would say is that (clang!) my theatre show, Carousel, has about three pieces of music in it that could be used as the answer to this question, although they are now all probably too associated with panicking about scripts and props to be played anywhere else. Not that I’ll be there to listen and complain, of course. A big chunk of the show is about a very dearly beloved friend I lost in 2022, and his family and I were all pretty floored by Bruce Springsteen’s I’ll See You In My Dreams at Wembley recently, so although I’m not pinching that for my own service, I’d certainly recommend it to anyone trying to take solace, as we are, in reunions around the river bend, for death is not the end. What an unbelievably heavy thing to answer under timed conditions!

What’s the most outrageously untrue thing that’s ever been said about you?

I saw a note recently from my old dentist to my new dentist saying that I was a “very chilled-out guy” and I was baffled and ecstatic at how wrong he’d got me.

What’s Grand Designs all about?

It’s about the desperate gulf between my expectations and reality, as compared (only briefly in the show, to be frank) to some of the fantastically ambitious/deluded people who appear on the TV show Grand Designs. I am not trying to build a clifftop mansion with a built-in lighthouse. That is out of my budget. But I am trying to do three different shows at the Edinburgh Fringe and that is, by a lot of people’s measurements, too many.

Who was your first celebrity crush?

Holly Valance undeniably quit Ramsay Street with more of a bang than most, and though I would like to distance myself from her recent political lurches, you’re welcome to write “that only makes her MORE attractive to me!” if you think that’s more pleasingly on brand.

What three words sum you up?

Dishevelled, distracted, and late.

Ivo Graham will perform Grand Designs until Aug 25 at Pleasance Courtyard; Carousel until Aug 25 at Assembly George Square (The Box); Comedians’ DJ Battles on Aug 9 & 16 at Assembly George Square Studios (Underground) and Aug 24 at La Belle Angele, edfringe.com

[joshuadiazzz]

life update, where i've been, thoughts ⋆｡°✩

hey!!!! it's me again. you probably have been wondering what i have been doing the past couple of months (and if u haven't, why haven't you? jk jk jk). well...

as many of you know, i dropped my EP/project that embodied where i have been the past couple of years while in college. this being the 7-song project, 'figuring it out'. you probably saw a brand new post every single day (regarding the project) leading up to it's release. however, when release day came, i really didn't know what the fuck to do up until that point. i want to be transparent with you. i was completely clueless. having to promote my projects that i've worked hard on gives me the ick because i feel cringy doing it and genuinely don't want to bombard anyone with the same songs over n over n over again. i feel like I'm selling out (which is the whole point... u have to). i know you have to do it to gain exposure n all but its a skill i wished i possessed and want to possess. wanna know what i did instead AS SOON as 'figuring it out' came out? i went hermit mode. i stayed off social media for over A MONTH after it's release. i suppose my thoughts that i have when i overthink got the best of me since this project was one my manager (i still feel so cool saying that) and i spent months planning but i allowed fear and non-existent defeat take over. most of all, i hate letting people down. i hate letting myself down. wow. i needed to get that off my chest BADLY! regardless, i don't want to let go of 'figuring it out' just yet. after all, i barely started. ;)

the next thing i want to touch upon was how this past school year was incredibly draining. while during my 1 month hiatus (now everyone say it with me... OOOOOOH) i did a lot of reflecting on how i handled and reacted to a specific situation that really made me...question a LOT. most importantly, to make a long story short, i wish i had set boundaries w/ people and was able to speak up for myself and said "hey, i didn't appreciate how you handled this". however another side of me says, "why the fuck would you give them more of your time and energy in forming an explanation w/ how you felt if they didn't care about your feelings in the first place?" what pissed me off the most was how to this one individual, I felt as if they wanted to use me for the creative skills (which i have been working hard on for the past several years via learning experiences, mistakes, accomplishments) i possess. and what sucks the most was that i wanted to see them as a friend but their true intentions got in the way. i don't know. its weird. my whole mentality going into my 3rd year of college was to befriend more people, socialize more and get out of my self-confinement bubble. most importantly, this was also a promise i had set to my friend Val who was my right hand during the first two years of college. oh how i wish she wouldve stayed longer to join me in this little popstar journey of mine... anyways going back to my convo. so once my initial game plan for myself got bursted, my whole demeanor changed. this experience led to me isolating myself and immediately turning cold from people that genuinely wanted to be around me. if you were one of these people, i'm sorry. it wasn't my intention. i felt pushed aside so brought it upon myself to purposefully exclude myself to the MAX. I’ve spoken to several of my friends, my dad and a professor (who i miss dearly) have all reassured me that just because one person ruined my perception, doesn’t mean it has to completely affect everything i do. I shouldn’t and shouldn’t have given any of my precious time or energy to someone or something not worth it, AT ALL.

another point I want to bring up to get off my chest on this journal entry is that of jealousy. it’s a normal feeling. we all feel it. to all my creatives out there, you all relate (don’t lie). you see a friend or a mutual on your feed accomplishing something you wish you would have done. you see someone on the path you wish you were embarking on. you see someone making the precises steps to something you had been planning for MONTHS or even YEARS but because you overthink a lot and don’t set deadlines for yourself, they are now 3 steps ahead of you. the feeling of jealousy and how I approach it is something I am currently working on. I’m learning to accept the feeling of it. Allowing myself to feel it but not dwell on it. I have experienced a great sense of jealousy when I first came to art school because my peers and I all have the same goals for ourselves. I was speaking to my dad earlier about how I’ve been feeling and while yes, he did scold me during the car ride home but he assured me how, ‘the sun shines for everyone’. just because there is someone doing the exact same thing as you, doesn’t mean that you can’t do it as well (in your own way, of course) it’s all about believing in yourself. I’m on that path of believing that I can and I will accomplish everything I set my mind to. Wow… Vulnerability is hard. But it’s okay. I know someone out there probably needs to hear this too.

Okay onto the positive stuff, I recently went out w/ Nicole to the mall (it was one of those ‘wherever the wind takes us’ kind of hang outs… personally my favorite). We got to see Maya at her job which is so cool. We love a girlboss. I also went to Kacie’s place and cooked spaghetti for her (because she was lending me her place and I owed her a hang out for the LONGEST TIME). also cooking is one of my love languages and one my favorite things to do. i love my friends. i enjoy their presence. their laughter. just them being there is enough for me.

Also here’s an outtake of me during the Wynk 4/20 photoshoot that was shot by the lovely Ambercita 🎀✨ (that’s if you stayed this long and read this ‘journal entry’)

okay i love u. see you soon. st✮y tuned. take care. wear sunscreen. hydrate. stay hot, smart, sexy and talented.

love u tons

-josh

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