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the-insomniac-emporium · 3 years ago

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Crimson Ties (Bela Dimitrescu/Reader, Soulmate AU) Pt. 4

Fandom: Resident Evil: Village Rating: T for language Warnings: None for this chap Genre: Hurt + comfort Summary: Sure, your soulmate may be a vampire (of sorts), but there's nothing that love can't conquer, right?... Maybe it's time you learn a little more about the odd circumstances of your soulmate's existence- and the fear that lies beneath the surface. Notes: If the last chapter was "hurt" followed by comfort, this is "comfort" followed by hurt, also known as the part where the story's central conflict comes into play. Features an appearance from Daniela, who reminds us that Cassandra's not the only one with a sharp tongue around here. Previous Chapters: 1: Stem the Flow, 2: Tangled Strands, 3: Rumbling Thunder

4: That Which Burns

“Of all the stars, the fairest,” Bela murmurs in your ear, keeping her arms wrapped loosely around your waist, before giving you a gentle kiss on the cheek. If you hadn’t already been blushing, you certainly would have now done so. You’re leaning into her touch, face flushed as can be, loving every moment of this. For a while now you’ve been curled up with her, while she reads excerpts from her favorite works. Although both of you would have preferred to do this outside, enjoying the view of the stars, you figured it would be best not to push your health too much. After all, you had lost a huge percentage of your blood. Well, temporarily, but it was still better to be safe than sorry.

“That’s probably my favorite line from Sappho,” you chimed, fondly remembering some of your schooling. “Though the one about being remembered always stands out to me. I’m not sure I remember it correctly, and I’m sure it’s been translated a few different ways over the years… but I think it’s ‘someone, I tell you, will remember us in another time’. Might have gotten that backwards, actually.” Giving an awkward little smile, you sheepishly rub the back of your head with one hand. “Either way it feels so romantic. To think of a love so strong that it echoes throughout time, fondly remembered for generations… it warms the heart.”

“Mhmm, most definitely, my dear. Many aren’t as lucky, however,” Bela laments, an odd expression crawling onto her face. There’s the slightest waver to her lower lip as she speaks. Concerned, you turn in place to get a better look, gently reaching out to caress her cheek. Is there something I’m missing? You think, wondering what you should say. “I’m alright, I promise. Merely distracted by a fleeting thought. Let’s read another, yes?” Before you can protest, she’s already turned to another page, starting to read as if she already knew which one was next (which would not, at all, surprise you).

Love shook my heart, Like the wind on the mountain, Troubling the oak-trees

“Oh, if only I could speak Aeolic Greek, so that I could serenade you with tender prose, all the days of your life… just as it was originally written. Wouldn’t that be lovely?” Bela offers, once again smiling wide, as if nothing in the world was wrong, at least not when you were by her side. Though you are not keen to ignore her earlier stroke of misery, you are equally reluctant to put a damper on her current upswing. Now what were you to do? Little comes to mind, other than the simplicity of human warmth, and so you lean once more into her embrace, head held aloft on the strength of her shoulder.

“Here, as I am now, is more than lovely enough. Your voice is soothing in any language, sweet as sugar, relaxing as can be,” you reassure her in your softest tone. Heart fluttering, she finds herself easing back into the comfort of the moment, forgetting all about her earlier woes. “Shall we read another?” Nodding, Bela again turns the page and begins to read:

He’s equal with the gods, that man Who sits across from you, Face to face, close enough to sip Your voice’s sweetness

And what excites my mind, Your laughter, glittering. So, When I see you, for a moment, My voice goes,

My tongue freezes. Fire, Delicate fire, in the flesh. Blind, stunned, the sound Of thunder, in my ears.

Shivering with sweat, cold Tremors over the skin, I turn the colour of dead grass, And I’m an inch from dying.

“Does that make me equal to the gods, then?” You ask, as soon as the last line is given its moment to shine. A small hum comes from your soulmate, who seems equal parts intrigued and confused. “I look in your eyes and my lungs light on fire, my heart ricochets around my chest, and I hear the chorus of angels singing your holy praises. The fact that I can manage to speak at all is confounding. Maybe the muses have seen fit to lend me their artistry, so that I might make conversation worthy of your existence, my dear.” With that said, you find yourself being squeezed gently, Bela placing another kiss against the top of your head. Now, it seems she is the one without the ability to speak. “The divine witnessing the divine, yes?... Let me read the next one, and we’ll see if my voice could ever compare to your own.”

It’s innocent enough, your choice. A turn of the page, just another poem, selected for nothing more than respect for chronology. Yet something drains from the space around you as you begin to read, so subtly slow that you hardly notice.

Girls, you be ardent for the fragrant-blossomed Muses’ lovely gifts, for the clear melodious lyre: But now old age has seized my tender body, Now my hair is white, and no longer dark

How were you to realize that the great shadow of fear loomed over your soulmate, when she had refused to name it mere minutes ago? How were you to know to halt your reciting, when the aching of her heart rendered her throat dry, and she could not bring herself to call out to you? Words poured like poisoned wine from your lips… your soulmate having no choice but to drink up every last drop.

My heart’s heavy, my legs won’t support me, That once were fleet as fawns, in the dance I grieve often for my state; what can I do? Being human, there’s no way not to grow old

A shaky breath from age-old lungs, exhaled into tense air, forced out past a trembling jaw. Say something, Bela tells herself, any poem but this. For a split second you pause, and she wonders if her thoughts have found new light in your own mind. But you break the momentary silence without much care, simply having been unsure of your pending pronunciation of an old name, perfectly unaware of your partner’s panic.

Rosy-armed Dawn, they say, love-smitten Once carried Tithonus off to the world’s end: Handsome and young he was then, yet at last Grey age caught that spouse of an immortal wife

At last her ordeal was over. The final words hang heavy in the air, weighing down her shoulders, but they are done. Her fears had been dragged out from the pit in her stomach, now waving about like dirty laundry. There was only one way for her to avoid this happening another time: Tell you the truth. By now her silence had earned your attention, with you turning in her lap again, concerned gaze meeting her hollow one. Gently, she gives you a reassuring squeeze.

“I… am not one to balk at the nature of things, however painful the truth. Yet I hesitate now, with the very person I am bound to with crimson ties… How cowardly of me,” Bela all but snarls, anger clearly not directed at you. It’s clear in the way that she holds herself that she has more to say. There’s not much you can do other than wait, though you do tuck an arm around her waist, beginning to rub soft circles against her back. “Allow me to drop the pretenses. You are not immortal, but I am. We’ve only been together for a day and a half, and already I’m worrying about your lifespan. It’s safe to say that this particular poem was an unfriendly reminder of our situation.”

Oh. How exactly were you supposed to respond to that?... Your girlfriend- your soulmate- was immortal. Hmph, as if her essentially being a vampire hadn’t already been enough to freak you out. Now this? Well, maybe it wasn’t too much farther of a stretch from the last revelation, even if you were still recovering from that one. Even then, something told you that this was equally hard for Bela- both to say, and to simply feel. As if she needed more stress surrounding her partnership with you…

“Of all the ways for us to mimic legends… I don’t even know what to say, my dear. I… I suppose that I can only reassure you that we will make the most of every moment we have. However much time we are destined to get, we’ll make sure it is filled with bliss,” you reply, slowly, making it up as you go. An ache builds in the center of your chest as you talk, an internal yearning for greater confidence. Although words were your “weapon” of choice, you were not always a master in your use of them, too human to be infallible. “Maybe we should set aside the poetry for now, shift our focus to something, ah, less meaningful?”

“That would be for the best,” Bela agrees, already shifting like she was going to stand up, before you even had a chance to get off of her lap. Something strange had fallen over her expression, an invisible veil, putting an uncomfortable distance between the two of you. Inside your chest, a thundering heart threatens to go still. Had you done something wrong? Did you commit some unspoken sin? Together the two of you rise, in sync yet more separate than before, a thousand questions and anxieties rendering both of you silent...

—————————

Across the room from you, a pair of bright eyes watch your every movement, peering out from over an open book. If you didn’t know better, you might have thought that the “ruse” was intentionally poor. But for all the five hours you had known her, Daniela Dimitrescu had done nothing other than prove herself odd, clumsy, and quite possibly… overconfident. Admittedly, that still made her undeniably more pleasant than Cassandra. If you had to be stuck alongside someone other than your soulmate, well, ‘twas best that it was this strange redheaded gremlin. Even if she had expressed an unfortunate interest in eating you.

Gods, what is wrong with this family? You think, frowning a tad, unable to stop yourself from making eye contact with Daniela. Instantly she’s looking away, pretending to be engrossed within her book. The very same book that had remained open to the same page for half an hour now. I do hope Bela is having more fun right now, with whatever “business” called her away so unexpectedly. She hadn’t seemed happy to have to leave your side, earlier tension notwithstanding. Coming here to the library had been her suggestion, though you doubted she knew that Daniela was there, or at least hadn’t anticipated her sister’s unnerving behavior. Already the redhead was looking back at you, even less subtly than before.

Sighing, you decided that you could only put up with so much of this tomfoolery.

“Are you in need of something? Or is there something on my face?” You ask, setting your own book aside as you do. There’s a few moments of silence, as Daniela glances around the room, as if you might actually be speaking to someone else. When no scapegoats teleport to her rescue, she very awkwardly clears her throat, then moves to sit at your table. Though you are loath to admit it, your heart starts beating faster as she approaches. Not out of attraction, hell no, rather fear. Perhaps getting her attention hadn’t been the wisest choice after all…

“I just think it’s funny,” Daniela chimes, trailing off just long enough to run a finger down the length of your arm, “that Bela abandoned you so quickly. You’re so… fragile. Cassandra told me about the fun little introduction you had to our family- the blood loss, being chained up, the fear you felt when you got caught in our territory.” Suddenly she’s devolving into a fit of giggles, hand resting not-so-gently on your wrist. When you try to pull away, her nails dig in, and her gaze snaps back to your own. “But you don’t remember that part, do you? If you did… oh, we’d have to lock you up, like the little pet you are, to keep you from running away. I’m sure Bela wouldn’t mind seeing you in chains.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You snap, uncharacteristically furious. While it was true that you couldn’t recall exactly how you made it into the castle’s dungeons, you refuse to accept Daniela’s implications about your soulmate, or her assessment of your dedication. A brief second passes where you think she’s about to lunge towards you. Instead, she withdraws her hand, moving it to prop up her chin instead. Then, her lips slowly drag upwards into a wicked grin, wide eyes filled with dangerous amusement.

“So you’re more than a wannabe Shakespeare, after all? A bit more teeth, a touch more vulgarity, maybe a twinge of bloodlust, and you might actually fit in around here. Not enough to get our family’s ‘gift’- our secret to a long, happy life- but enough that Bela won’t grow bored of your sappy poems,” she teases with another string of laughter. Before you can question her about this ‘gift’, she’s all but jumping to her feet, stretching out her arms as she does. “I can’t wait to update Cassandra about you. We’ll be betting on how entertaining you’ll end up being. Try to keep from bailing on my dear sister too soon, alright?”

Just like that she’s disappearing into a swarm of flies, leaving you more confused (and angry) than ever. Taking a deep breath, you try to focus on what you need to do next: Find Bela. Talk to her. Get some goddamn answers.

#bela dimitrescu x reader #bela dimitrescu #resident evil: village #re8 village #got some fluff got some angst #casual reminder that daniela is capable of being just as cruel as cassandra #just normally a different kind

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northcarolinanative · 5 years ago

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𝐈𝐟 𝐈𝐭 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 - Boxer!JJ

Requested by anon: Can you write about boxer!JJ, with or without the outer banks’ plot. JJ enjoys boxing and you can’t go to matches because they scare you. But you always prepare with him before and he always comes to see you after. One night something happens and they confess their feelings whatever you want haha I just thought it would be a cool idea (:

Description: After the disappearance of their best friends the pogues all search for different ways to cope. Some working too hard, some fighting, some just blocking it all out. JJ puts himself in danger too often for Y/N’s liking. She finds him an alternative, but in typical JJ fashion he moves too much too fast and gets out in a tricky situation.

A/N: This is so different from what I normally write. I got a bit carried away per usual:) I chose to put it in the OBX plot, this is all after 1x10 because we all know that I am a sucker for that at this point let's be honest. I tried to do my research but the more I read the more confused I got so I am sorry if it is inaccurate. I have ZERO experience with boxing and stuff. As I said this is so different for me so ANY feedback would be FANTASTIC!! MY asks/requests/messages are always open! ALSO, italics are flashbacks. // TW: This talks about character death, panic/anxiety, abuse, and violence.//

*pic courtesy of pinterest*

After the disappearance of John B and Sarah, each of the pogues had their own unique way of dealing with the major loss. The unknown ate them from the inside out until it was turned to grief, washing over them the moment the pair was presumed dead. Over the next few days, they went into denial, finally understanding why John B had been so desperate to hold onto clues about his father when the group had thought that he was grasping at straws. They understood why John B led them on the hunt for the gold because he thought it would lead to his dad. They understood because now they too would follow any lead, risk anything, or go anywhere to find John B and Sarah.

Each of the Pogues were dealing with their feelings in its respective way. Pope was trying his hardest to prove to his parents that he had not messed up his chance to get off the Island. He applied for every academic scholarship on the east coast. Pope was scared. Kie, while the two of us helped Pope when we could, worked countless hours at the Wreck. After running from her parents and being brought into question with the police she was in hot water with her parents. She allowed herself to stay focused on her work and earn back the trust and respect of her parents so that when the time came that John B and Sarah needed them, we could help. Kie was hopeful. JJ was starting fights with everyone that looked at him wrong. He threw punch after punch at the one boneyard party that we tried to attend in an attempt to make things feel normal. He kept going home and picking fights with his dad, he said that he deserved the torment for letting John B get on that boat. JJ blamed himself for pushing John B to his death. JJ was Angry. I let myself get swept up in my art, going to the docks, or sitting in the dunes, drawing. This where the other Pogues found me when I was not working my shift at the Wreck. When I sat down to create I let my thoughts go and wander to whatever I needed to try and process. This was the only time I let myself think about the things that happened between the pogues, or what was ahead for us. I let myself think about both the options, whether they were dead or they were alive somewhere. Outside of that, I shut it off and tried to help the other pogues, as much as I could, to get back to something normal. I was numb.

Kie and Pope had a lot to figure out between the two of them. It took them a while to actually begin to talk about what was going on between the two of them since they kept defecting. That left JJ and I alone rather often. Not that I was complaining. The two of us had never been super close when it came to the group. I was always Kie’s best friend first, pogue second, until now. The disappearance had brought all of us closer. Though I appreciated the closeness with JJ, I was worried about him. He showed up on my doorstep night after night bruised and broken. More often than not it was a fight with some rando that has looked at him on the side of the road. JJ didn’t care who felt his wrath anymore, he would fight anyone, kooks, and pogues alike. The worst nights were those that he came back from his house. Those nights were always the worst because the injuries on his body and the way that his soul sat shattered in front of me told me that he didn’t fight back.

JJ was sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes not daring to look up at me. His face covered in red splotches and bruised from the other fights he had gotten in over the week. Tonight was different though. Normally JJ talked about the way that he handed the Kook a can of whoop-ass or the guy had it coming and that he had ‘totally won’ the fight. Every other night he would boast saying “Y/N, don’t worry about me! You should see the other guy.” He would try to soothe my nerves, but tonight there didn’t seem to be another guy. Just JJ fighting himself, the thoughts raging war in his head, making him beat himself up.

I moved to sit beside him. Finally deciding to break the rooms heavy silence. “JJ, did you go home again?”

His breath caught in his throat as he slowly nodded his head. I saw his jaw clenched as he fought back the urge to let tears fall down his face. He rested his head in his open palms. I wrapped one of my arms loosely around the boy before laying my head on his shoulder. “Why do you go home JJ? Every time you come back you end up so broken?”

“It’s just a few bruises and split lips Y/N, nothing I’m not used to.” He said shaking his head.

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” I spoke. I moved my hand so that I could rub his back. I moved softly up and down his spine, trying to comfort the broken boy in front of me.

“I deserve everything he says to me.” He started, swallowing a lump in his throat. “Every time

I go I know he’s ready for a fight.”

I took a moment to collect my thoughts. I took a deep breath before speaking. “JJ, getting into fights with your dad like that, the things he says to you.” I paused, looking over his face, trying to figure out what was going through his mind. “You know that they aren’t true right? He’s saying those things to hurt you?”

“I know that, but deep down I’m so scared that everyone else sees what he sees.” He signed leaning back and falling onto the bed. “I’m just so angry. I am angry at the system for screwing up so bad that they ran JB away.” My breath caught in my throat as he began his rant. “I am mad that we couldn’t do anything to help him after his dad left. I’m mad that we lost him and have no way to contact him or even know if he’s alive!’ He stood up beginning to pace, and raising his voice. “I’m mad that I pushed him on that boat to sail straight to his death Y/N!”

I stood up on my feet, moving so that I can be in his direct line of vision. “Hey!” I called to him, even though he was right in front of me, he felt a thousand miles away. “You did not push John B to do anything that he would not have done on his own! You have got to stop blaming yourself for all the unfortunate events that lead to John B’s disappearance. This on Ward Cameron and you know it!” I said pointing at him. He locked his eyes with mine for a moment.

He ripped his glance from mine, his jaw still clenched and nostrils flaring as he tried to even out his breathing. It took a few moments and several paces across the length of my room, but he seemed to calm down. “I’m-” He started, looking around the room and taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’m just so angry. All the time.” He confessed. “I’m honestly scared, it’s like all I can think about is how pissed off I am and the smallest things just add on top of it until I explode for what seems like no reason.” He stopped rubbing his hands over his face. “I just don’t know how to channel it, make it die down.” He confessed, moving to join me back at the end of my bed.

“You know, whenever my brother is upset he goes to the gym-” I started

“You are not seriously telling me to work out right now, are you?” He huffed rolling his eyes.

“Let me finish.” I scolded him before continuing. “He’s a boxer, the have matches and fight, but it is in a safe environment. One where you can let your anger out with out going home or exploding on some rando on the side of the street.” I said. I laughed awkwardly, trying to fill the silence as I gauged his reaction.

“You really think that would help?” He said, the softness in his eyes returning.

“It helped my brother”

It had become routine over the past few weeks that JJ came to my house so that I could help him prepare for whatever match he had lined up for that night. When he first started all the Pogues were supportive of JJ’s new interest, but after the first match, Kie and I decided that we would support him from afar. Neither of us could stomach the blows that JJ took in his first fight. I was happy that he was able to find a more acceptable outlet for his anger, it was still just as painful to clean JJ up after, or to hear from Pope about the hits that JJ landed or had taken. Pope always attended, Kie and I chalked it up to him being a boy and into that stuff, but we both know that he watched because he wanted to be there in case something went wrong.

Tonight was one of JJ’s biggest matches. He had been talking about it for weeks. The guy was from the mainland and was supposed to drag in a huge audience with him. He was being scouted as a professional, bordering on going pro. That bothered me because it had only been a short time since JJ had started boxing. While he had grown up his entire life fighting, boxing against people like this was much different than landing a few punches on Topper.

JJ was sitting on my kitchen table, I was right in front of him with his left hand in my own. I wrapped the sticky red tape around his hands, knuckles, and wrists. I pulled it tighter after each pass around his hand. “Please be careful tonight. These guys got a really good record.” I spoke softly, but the concern coating my voice was evident.

“I think I’ve got it though Y/N!” He said, happiness coating his voice. I just shook my head and switched his hands, beginning to wrap the right one. I was weary when JJ first mentioned the idea of the match, and still am, because the guy was well known and it just did not make sense that he wanted to come down to the OBX to fight a Newby. Things didn’t add up. Of course, none of us dared to tell JJ, because he was so happy, and he finally seemed to be getting back normal, no one wanted to set him off.

I finished wrapping his hands and handed him his gym shorts. I had got him some with his name on the waistband for his birthday the week before. While I couldn’t stomach to sit through the fights and watch them, I wanted him to know that I was supportive of him finding a healthy outlet for his feelings and grief. I had washed the shorts for him so that they would be fresh for him.

“All done.” I smiled, handing them to him. He took them into his newly wrapped hands. “So you look all spiffy when you win the fight tonight.”

“Spiffy?” He questioned causing us both to laugh. He reached forward pulling me into a hug. Whenever I touched JJ I melted into the warmth that his body gave off. He smelled like pine, I assumed it was from his deodorant, but it captivated me every time. He let me go after squeezing me tighter. “Thanks for, you know.” He said scratching the back of his neck. “Helping me with all of this. I wouldn’t even be doing this if it weren’t for you.” He said with a smile.

“Stop being so sappy Maybank!” I said and I turned him to the door. I put my hands on his broad shoulder pushing him softly towards the door. “Now go! You don’t want to be late.” He made his way to the door opening it and standing for a second to look back and smile.

“I’ll see you after right?” He questioned, the hope in his eyes was hard to miss.

“Wouldn’t want anyone else cleaning you up would we?” I joked, before answering him. “Yes I will, just make sure Pope tells me when you're finishing up and I’ll head that way to pick you up okay?” As I finished the car horn outside honked. It seemed to reverberate off the walls. “Now go! You know how Kie gets when you're running late!” I shooed him out the door. I stood watching them back out of the driveway as I waved to Kie and Pope in the car.

I walked to the TV, flipping it onto a random TV show before grabbing my sketchbook and settling into the couch. I had been working on a piece of a deer skull and a floral pattern. I was using ink to draw it. I got lost in stippling the dots on the paged, shading in the sides of the skull, and forming the cracked texture of the bone. I barely noticed the buzzing that came from my phone beside me. When I looked up the sun was setting, almost disappearing behind the horizon. The name flashed across my phone and sent me into an immediate panic. “Popey” was read across the screen, my stomach dropping when I set my eyes on the time. It was way too soon for the fight to be over. I quickly slide my finger across the bottom of the screen, seeing it click open.

I held the phone to my ear, “Hello, Pope? What’s wrong?” I could hear the panic in my voice. My body was moving so fast as I swiped my keys across the counter with a screech, and started through the garage to my car.

“Y/N.” I hear him say on my way out the door. There was pause filled with chants and yelling in the background, signaling that the fight was still happening. “Things don’t look good, Kie’s on her way, but JJ needs you to be here when he gets out.” I was nodding my head, but Pope couldn’t see me. “If he gets out.” My breath stopped in my throat, making me choke slightly on my own air. “ Y/N it’s bad, I don’t know why they won’t call the fight.”

I let out a shaky breath as I pulled myself into the driver seat of my car, slamming the door behind me with a thud. “I’ll be there as fast as I can Pope, Promise.”

“Hurry!” was all he said before the line went static. I pulled the phone down slowly, looking at it. JJ was really hurt. It was my fault, I wanted him to do this professionally. I snapped myself out of my guilty haze, picking my keys up from my lap with my shaking hands. I struggled to get the key into the ignition, before turning it to start it up. I turned out of the driveway as quickly as my mind would let me, leaving a cloud of dust behind me as pulled from the driveway.

I tapped the steering wheel with my thumb, my eyes flicking between the road and the number growing on the speedometer. The words of JJ and I’s conversation from just hours before replaying over and over in my head. “I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.” Over and over again. I felt a warmth fall down my cheek. I touched my hand to my cheek only to find the warm wetness of tears falling from my eyes. I was shocked at the reaction that this event had on me. I felt like I was back to the night that we watched John B drive off on that boat. I felt that same sense of panic wash over me. What if this was it? “I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.” JJ was a fighter, literally, no matter what punches were thrown at him, he was always able to fight back. Part of me wanted to think rationally that Pope was overreacting and when I got there JJ might have a concussion and a bruised ego. “I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.” If it was that bad why had they not stopped the fight, right? Pope had to be overreacting, it was Pope. He likes to be careful.

My fingers kept tapping a quick pace on the back of the I kept telling myself that over and over in my head. I was driving but everything around me was a blur. I was glad that I had the roads of the cut memorized so that I could get there in my haze of worry. “I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.” I know what he meant by this, he meant that I had helped him, but I just didn’t feel helpful at that moment. I was the reason that he was fighting and trained a skillful fighter. This guy hardly ever lost a fight, but none of us wanted JJ’s improvement with his anger to stop, so we let him continue.

I hit the pothole in the gyms driveway, jolting me out of my thoughts. I fell back into the seat from the rough jump and dirt that was kicked up around me once again. I pulled into a spot at a dangerous speed. I practically threw the car in park and yanked my keys from the ignition. The sun seemed to paint the air around us a beautiful shade of orange, but my worry made me look past the beautiful sunset that was illustrated in the sky. Instead I approached the gym. I hadn’t stepped foot in for months now. The one that was seemingly making my worst fears come to life.

I scanned the parking lot looking for Kie. When our eyes met, I started making my way toward her. I broke into a jog, but quickly came to a halt, when I looked behind her. The red and white lights behind her become blinding. I stuttered stepped, coming face to face with her, but I could not look at her face. I was focused on the broken boy that was laid in front of me on a gurney. The blood on his face made him almost unrecognizable. I clenched my teeth so hard that I hurt. Pope was by his side, struggling to keep up with the boy on the gurney. Pope’s worried eyes met with mine that barely held back the tears. He said something that I couldn’t make out before pointing to us. I followed my eyes down to JJ, who’s eyes I met. Even from this distance, I could see the spark still in them. I felt my stomach drop and a wave of nausea hit me. I felt myself physically fall back and feel weak. He weekly raised his hand to wave at me weakly before they began wheeling him into the emergency vehicle. “I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.” My arm felt like my shaking hand to wave at him, The barrier broke and the warm tears fell down my face. I felt the sob make it way up my throat, catching Kie’s attention once again. Her expression was a little shocked at my reaction but wrapped an arm around me pulling me into her. I glanced over to see her worried expression as she watched Pope.

Pope quickly made his way over to us after talking briefly with the medics. As soon as he was turned away from JJ, his expression turned to anger. Kie and I looked at each other, both silently questioning the boy’s actions. He got to us, visibly angry, his breath was heavy as he started walking back and forth. He threw his hat on the ground and ran a hand across his head in distress.

“What happened there?” Kie said being the first to break the tension.

“We shouldn’t have let him fight that guy!” He said, raising his voice making me visibly flinch. “There’s a reason that he always wins! He knocked JJ out in the 7th round!” He spoke looking me straight in the eye. I felt two inches tall and wanted nothing more than to disappear in that moment.

“I wouldn’t be doing this if it weren’t for you.”

I stepped back, it felt the air had been knocked out of my lungs. I heard the conversation that Pope and Kie continued to have, but they still felt miles away. I tried to listen and regain the ability to breathe.

“He had plaster in his gloves” Pope spoke loudly, as people walking outta the gym snickered, only making Pope’s anger grow. I snapped my head up at the tall boy, before looking at Kie, whose face held a confused expression. I knitted my eyebrows looking at Pope who just nodded, silently reinforcing his last statement.

“They caught on, but I’m gonna go back to talk to the fight manager, but y’all should go and meet him at the hospital.” He said, looking between me and Kiara.

Kie was quick to act, while I felt like I was still frozen in place. “Here,” she said, holding her keys out to Pope. “I’ll ride with Y/N and you can meet us there after you talk to whoever you need to?” She questioned, but she had alright dropped the keys in his hand. Pope nodded at the two of us before turning back to the gym.

I looked at Kie just as she placed her shaking hand on my wrist pulling me to the car. “Are you okay to drive? I mean do you think-” He started to mumble on.

“Yea, yea. I can. I think I got it.” I said send her a tight lipped smile. I could tell in her eyes that she knew neither of us believed me. Nonetheless, we both got into the car and made our way to a small emergency hospital on the Island, both of us praying that they had enough space for JJ. The entire car ride was filled with silent, sad, tension. The two of us stuck in our own thoughts, filled with worries about JJ’s health. Kie was the first to break the car’s heart-wrenching tension.

“What did Pope mean, when he said that he had plaster in his gloves?” Kie asked. She hadn’t been privy to the boxing world, much like me. My brother had told me that it was illegal. He knew a kid that got kicked out of his gym for doing it and had told me about it.

“It’s when boxer’s wrap plaster in their wraps and gloves and stuff.” I started, I stuttered over my words a bit, because I was unsure of what I was talking about. “As they sweat it makes the plaster harden or something,” I said shaking my head. The image of JJ getting hit over and over without a chance to fight back made me push the accelerator down and speed up on the long stretch to the hospital. “It essentially makes their hands like stone,” I said recalling the words my brother had used to tell me.

Kiara looked over at me with wide eyes. “That’s seriously fucked up!” She exclaimed. She let out a deep sign before falling back into the passenger seat. The rest of the ride remained silent, except for the news that was faintly being spoken from the radio.

When we pulled up to the hospital, it was all a blur from there. Kie could tell that I was worried and in a state of panic. She seemed to be rather calm about the situation, because of this she took the lead on speaking to the front desk. They pointed us to a waiting room saying that the doctor would come out after they examined him.

We sat in the cold metal chair in the waiting room. I tried to blame my shaking on the chill air that seemed to always be contained in hospitals, but I knew it was nerves. Kie placed her hand on my bouncing leg to stop it before looking up at me.

“Hey, It’s JJ.” She said moving to hold my hand in hers, giving me a soft smile. “He’s got the survival instincts of a cockroach, alright?”

I laughed slightly at her joke, looking up to her with a hopeful smile on her face. “You’re oddly calm.” I stated, looking over her relaxed figure, slightly laid back in the chair, her hand resting still on the chair handle, the other firmly grasped in mine.

“Eh, like it said, JJ’s gonna be fine.” She smiled. She leaned forward a bit, resting her weight on the armrest that sat between us. “I am more interested in what is going on inside your head?” She said nudging me with her shoulders.

I took a deep breath, my eyes lining with tears once again. “Over the last few months JJ and I have gotten so close, and after everything with John B and Sarah I just-” I was cut off by a sob, which came out more like a cough. Kie was quick to move her hand to my back, rubbing small, comforting circles on my back. “I am scared to lose him too.” I said quietly, tears falling still, but at a much less rapid pace. Kiara pulled me into a tight hug. I took a deep breath, letting the scent of her coconut shampoo ground me. I closed my arms around her tightly before we split. Kie pushed a piece of hair out of my face softly.

“You’ve got it bad.” She said with a soft chuckle. I looked at her knitting my eyebrows together in confusion causing her to laugh. “You and JJ are so blindly in love with each other that neither of you can see it.” She spoke. Suddenly, things started to make a lot of sense. The way that my stomach dropped whenever JJ was getting into a fight or how I wanted to end Luke Maybank for the things that he did to his son. The most important thing that I had become accustomed to was the way that my stomach erupted in butterflies every time we were close to each other, the way my skin broke into goosebumps when we bumped into each other, or the way that I smiled every time he cracked a joke or showed up at work. I played with my fingers letting a smile spread across my face.I looked up at Kie sheepishly.

“I told you.” She smiled at me, causing me to roll my eyes at her.

We were taken from the serenity of our moment by the doctor calling for those that were here with ‘Maybank.” She informed us that JJ took a lot of hard hits but managed to leave fairly unscathed from such a brutal fight. She let us know that JJ had had a lot of minor injuries, a broken lower rib, and that he passed out due to a pretty serious concussion. It took Kie and I a moment to soak in the abundance of information. “With his current state, we think it would be best if you all went in one at a time.” The doctor spoke, looking between you and Kie.

Kie pushed my shoulder lightly. “I’ll wait here for Pope and fill him in. “She said, a cheesy smile plastering her face. “Go get your man,” She joked causing me to roll my eyes before following the doctor back through the long hallway. The fluorescent lighting made the hallway look and feel more daunting than it should have. The doctor stopped in front of the room letting me know that he was inside.

I smiled and nodded at her. I took a deep breath before preparing myself to enter. I walked through the doorway to see JJ playing with the IV cable that was hooked up to his arm. I was wrapped and tangled around the opposite hand. I laughed involuntarily at the blonde boys antics. He looked up at me, smiling when he realized that it was me. I felt a tsunami of relief wash over me, just seeing that, while he wasn’t completely unharmed, that he was going to be okay.

“There you are, come here!” He said patting the bed beside his legs. I walked into the room slowly, making my way to his bedside. I sat down and turned to look at his bright, smiling face. He scanned over my face, his smile quickly fading. “Wait, are you crying? “ He asked, reaching up to wipe the stale tears from my face.

“Yes JJ,” I said laughing at the boy's oblivious nature. “You looked terrible when they took you out on that gurney at the gym,” I said looking down at the crinkled white bed sheet in front of the two of us. “You scared me. I can’t lose you too.” I said quietly.

JJ hand came up once again cupping the side of my face, pushing me to look at me. “Hey now. You know better than anyone that it's gonna take more than some cheating ring rat to take me out.” Both of us laughed at the statement. I met his bright blue eyes, and instantly felt drawn in.

I didn’t think much about it before I did it. I leaned forward and pressed my lips into JJ's. The kiss started off still and innocent. JJ’s hand moved from my face to the back of my head pulling me in closer. I moved my hands to his shoulders, placing them softly trying not to hurt him. The kiss was passionate and heated, our lips molding together, allowing us to melt into one another. I felt light headed just from the kiss itself. I could feel JJ’s emotion poured into the way that he kissed me back and the way that his hands caressed my sides and the way that he held me close to him.

We were interrupted by the loud beeping of the monitor beside him. I pulled away looking at the machine that ruined the moment. The warning flashing “High Heart Rate”. I looked at JJ and saw the same warning causing us to laugh slightly.

“What was that about?” JJ asked, a blush creeping up his cheeks.

“After John B and Sarah I thought I would have learned that time is finite, but I guess it took you, at least in my mind, almost dying for me to realize that I should just say something,” I said, laughing nervously. “Oh and Kie made me realize just how in love with you I am” I spoke rolling my eyes before realizing what I said. I felt my face heat up, as I looked over at JJ with wide eyes trying to gauge his reaction.

JJ grabbed my hand. Struggling slightly because of the awkward tangled IV that was stuck in the back of his hand. He huffed as he tugged at it trying to pull it out of the way. His hand was wrapped around mine when he started speaking. “You know, I’m glad she did because I’ve been in love with you all summer.”

Masterlist

Tagging b/c I asked:) @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @write-from-the-heart @jjmaybanksbaby @kikifromtheblock

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docholligay · 4 years ago

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A Silent Voice--Koe no Kitachi

This movie has come up a couple times for Eight Days and various other things I’ve done, which was basically all I knew about it, until it was sponsored as a one-off by @iscahwynn. The first time I watched the movie, I felt a lot of ways about it at once. It was certainly one of the most interesting “anime movies” that had ever been recommended to me, and had a capacity and quality of humanity that I really didn’t expect going into it.

As always, non-spoilery review leads, spoilers under the cut.

A Silent Voice, (Which is called The Shape of Voice on my subs) if you read the blurb, is about a boy trying to make restitution for a deaf girl he bullied horrendously in elementary school. That’s a fair assessment, but I also don’t think it’s a complete one. The movie is really about the nature of alienation and friendship, and how a lot of lonely people have at least some culpability for that loneliness. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say I liked it. I had some issues with it that I’ll go into in the longer spoiler review, but being as its on Netflix right now, if you have any interest in seeing it, I don’t think it’s a waste of time at all.

I”m not going to go through a play by play of the film itself, I figure if you’re reading this you’re familiar with the general narrative of the film and I’m not super interested in padding this out for the mere word count.

Also, the main character’s names are really similar: Shoko and Shoyo, so I’m going to call Shoyo by his patronymic, Ishida, for clarity.

You feel, or at least this viewer felt, nothing but sadness and frustration for poor Shoko, who did nothing but have the audacity to show up at school. One thing I think this movie does an excellent job with is showing how resentment creeps in over the most minor of accommodations. We see at first, the kids be taken in by the novelty of writing in Shoko’s notebook in order to accommodate her and talk to her. Then we see it turn annoying, when she wants to be brought into conversations on a regular basis, and they don’t want to do that. It turns to hatred and resentment, as it gets easier and easier to simply ignore her or make fun of her. When a teacher comes in to teach them some sign language at ten minutes a day, for all but one student, this is too much effort for them to make.

It escalates with Ishida himself repeatedly yanking her hearing aids out of her ears and throwing them out of the window, into the trash, etc, at one point ripping them out with such force that her ear bleeds. His punishment for this cruelty is essentially that his mother has to pay back, or choose to pay back, all the money lost for the hearing aids to Shoko’s mother, but on a more personal level, his classmates, actually faced with consequences, turn on him and implicate him as the sole actor in all of the cruelty aimed toward Shoko.

And I’m fine with him reaping the whirlwind, let’s not mistake that, but I do have one compelling question:

There are 106 schools for the D/deaf in Japan, and you couldn’t put your child into one of them? I have no idea if Japan has any equivalent of the ADA whatsoever, and the internet seems to suggest that the rights and education of D/deaf people in Japan is pretty woeful, but this really annoyed the shit out of me. I mean, I’m supposed to feel for Shoko, so I suppose that didn’t detract from what the movie wanted to do in that right, but man did it make me irritated with every single adult involved.

I think some of the most interesting things that come out of the movie are the ways in which it deals with depersonalization and isolation.

After we see Ishida’s fall from grace, if you will, when in middle school, people are (rightly) told that he’s a bully. People don’t want to be around him, and while, again, I do not feel particularly sorry for him, there’s definitely something deeply human and deeply disturbing about the way they make him the pariah of it all, even though they were mostly all involved in treating Shoko cruelly, or at the very least, at a distance. It’s easier to believe that it was Ishida’s sin specifically, and that they bear no responsibility for their part in the cruelty toward her.

When this happens, by the time we meet up with him, we see that he sees the world of people with the letter X across their faces, as a sign that he no longer thinks of them as people, more like objects or happenings that are best to be avoided. He goes so far as to say that he never looks anyone in the face anymore. Its a very visually powerful way of showing how Ishida, when he is hurt, walls himself off in the world, while, even when we see Shoko later, there’s no indication that she has done such (Though admittedly, the vast majority of the movie is through the eyes of Ishida)

It isn’t until Ishida defends Nagatsuka, a fat kid with curly hair, from getting his bike stolen by giving his up as an option instead, that he begins to see people in any different way. And it isn’t even in the moment that he does something, but when Nagatsuka returns his bike, found in a rice field, that the x falls away from his face and he begins to see someone as a fully realized human. A cynical viewer, who might be me, would see this as an acknowledgement that Ishida’s problem is not seeing people outside of their relationship to and treatment of him. That it is only with returned kindness that he can see Nagatsuka as human, defending him only because he recalls the shame of having been so cruel to Shoko.

Which I actually don’t have a problem with! I think it would go fairly far to show that he’s learned something from the Shoko situation, for him to expect no inkling of humanity but still be so desirous to remove that shame that he acts anyway. I just don’t know if that’s the intention of the narrative, even having seen it several times now.

“Friendship lies somewhere beyond things like words and logic” is one of the best lines from the movie, and I think it does a fairly good job of doing that as it calls up a large group from the past. It’s complicated, because I actually thought the group aspect was very interesting, particularly the incident on the bridge where Ishida, every fairly, tells each of them how they failed, what their personal sin is, and he isn’t wrong! The first time I watched it, I found myself screaming at it, the reckoning of this responsibility finally shared.

But the downside of all of these characters is that the focus on Shoko and Ishida, as well as any real development of feelings and forgiveness between them, feels very rushed. We get to the end of the story, with Ishida having saved Shoko’s life and hurting himself in the process. SO much emotional and character development gets laid down in a five minute scene, and while the scene itself does lend a lot of strength to the characters for that, I found myself more frustrated that we couldn’t have seen this sooner, and come out over time. Unfortunately the time with the ancillary characters feels a bit wasted, given what ends up being sacrificed for it.

Some parts of the movie are tricky for me to fully allow myself to fall into, at best. It’s particularly difficult for me to see Ishida as a huge victim given the exceptional level of his cruelty to Shoko, and if he really only pays until he’s in high school, while that may play as “forever” to a younger audience, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for his plight. This isn’t following him to his damn job. Maybe I’m a jackass, and that’s why I can’t go with it in the way the film seems to want me to, or maybe it’s that I was also horrifically bullied to the point of tears as a child, and I do not feel any particular sadness for the ways in which some of my own bullies were socially punished in high school. I don’t want him to kill himself, I want him to be better, and honestly the movie could have really really worked for me if we just saw the developing of his friendship with Nagatsuka and his turning into a better, softer person. This kind of goes into what I was talking about earlier--in a two hour movie, there just isn’t the time for all the side characters as well as the full development of the mains. We would have been better off just having Ishida, Shoko, and Nagatsuka. I fell you could have told a quite complete story with that. I think if those three characters had been more carefully written, I could have ADORED this movie, instead of the middle place I end up with in it.

But instead we come to the question of Shoko. I kinda suck my teeth at Shoko’s treatment in the film. Her open hearted kindness was heart-breaking as a child, the way she just wanted to be friends and she still had that belief that it could all work if she just did as adults told her and was NICE, and it’s extremely effective. But when we get to the high school Shoko and we’re still meant to see her as being this very mild, very apologetic, very sad person with no friends...it stops being a tragedy of the character individually and starts being a way of writing a disabled character as someone for our protagonist to act upon. Shoko is never really given her own moment of anger for herself, her own rich life outside of Ishida and the friends he brings to her. We don’t see her thoughts except as they relate to Ishida. We’re meant to believe she has no one outside of her sister when Ishida decides to reconnect with her, a tragedy of convenience that allows Ishida’s “work” to be valuable to more than just him. Even her own sorrow and suicide attempt seem to have so much more to do with the further of Ishida’s character than the oppressive social forces that have conspired against Shoko.

And we ALMOST get there. The end conversation between the two of them, where he says he understood her in ways that were convenient for him, and that because of that he failed to see her own pain and isolation, is amazing. Great, and I wish it would have come sooner and that we could have had some real payoff from that conversation that showed their relationship deepening in a way that served both Shoko and Ishida. But it comes at the tail end, and the “solution” we get all has to do with Ishida and his embracing of humanity, which I want, but not at the expense of Shoko’s character, who I liked very much and longed for a richer treatment of.

The romantic element between them is frustrating. Not only because he was her very very overt bully, I might even go so far as to say abuser, but because it feels so tiresome when the movie clearly has bigger fish to fry, and in many ways, does fry them! It doesn’t help that it is like quite a few things, painfully rushed, and when she falls for him, it’s left to the viewer to supply your own reasons that don’t quite make sense. It adds a layer to the story that I personally felt it did not need, even as cute as I find Shoko’s little flappy legs on the bed when she has her head buried in a pillow after trying to confess to Ishida, but he can’t understand what she’s saying.

Basically, I think this movie watches better once. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say about anything, but the first time I saw this, I didn’t notice so keenly some of the things that niggled at me later. I think it’s pretty fucking enjoyable, in the one shot, to be honest! I think it’s an ambitious movie that is, at its best, trying to say something about the nature of bullying and that it not only harms the bullied but the bully themselves. And in some ways, I think it has absolutely brilliant moments with that, and reflections on the nature of friendship and what it takes. But I think some of that ambition falls through, and feels a bit flat, when taken on the whole.

Have you seen it? What did you think?

#Doc watches movies #Doc watches things

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alreadyblondenow · 5 years ago

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King Taeyong | 4

Taeyong x ballerina!reader // FLUFF, ANGST, fantasy!au Summary: Deciding for the both of you and to save your life, Taeyong is forced to delete all your memories with him. He gave you a happy life, a life without him. Word Count: 3k Warnings: Mentions of death but no one died hehe Note: This is the last chapter for this baby of mine hihi -The fantasy part is already here. I tried to keep it short and simple, didn’t want to overdo it. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

After that visit with Ruby, you felt something off with your husband lately. Sometimes you have to call his name several times before he acknowledge what you were saying. It bothers you. “Did something happened, babe? You seem off lately, whats wrong?” eyes full of concern, you came closer to him while watching the sun rise from his room. This is the day you go back to the human world together. Or so you thought.

You cover your naked body while you cling to him, making him tell you what’s bothering him. He forced a laugh telling you, “really its nothing. I’m just spacing out lately because...” he let out a heavy sigh. “Of work. CEO duties you know. Work started to pile up the day I left.”

Lee Taeyong knew all too well that this very moment right now, is gonna be his last memory of you being a married couple. “It’s been only days since we got married, and ever day is still as beautiful as the day I met you” Taeyong started to be nostalgic out of nowhere, your heart sinks and it made you blush.

“You know y/n, my love for you means, watching you perform and support you from your achievements” You remember the night he bravely asked you to have dinner with you and simply turning that shitty day around into something you will never forget the rest if your life.

“My love for you means, spending beautiful mornings with you, a night with just you and me, making love until the morning” he winks and grabs your hand. “You will never be sad, alone or hurt y/n. Thats how much I love you. I will literally die, if I hurt you again.” Hearing Taeyong’s words makes you worry he’s never been like this, “Baby what are you saying? You’ll never hurt me.” He kissed your hands, your wedding ring. “I’ll make you coffee, stay here okay.” He said letting go of your hands, trying to cover your exposed legs and left you in the middle of his huge bed.

Hesitating to pour the potion on your coffee, Taeyong cries as he remembers what Ruby showed him, how you killed yourself. That made him convinced himself to finally pour the potion. He did it with a heavy heart knowing he will never be with you ever again. Im sorry.

You feel the bed dipped beside you, your husband holding a tray with coffees on it. He gave you your coffee and you told him he always makes the best coffees. A he hands you your coffee, Taeyong kissed your lips softly. What was that for?

You smile at him before you took a sip. “Oh that tastes really good” you told him excitedly.

“I love you.” You heard Taeyong whisper beside you. Your head suddenly felt heavy so you decided to close your eyes, smiling at Taeyong before you drift away. You’re sure that you saw tears in his eyes.

Taeyong cries and cries from sun up until he takes you back to your apartment, holding your hand and not letting it go for the last time. Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny was with him, they can only hurt for their friend too. They all saw how the magic works its way to you. Just like, what happened to Taeyeon your life took a few years back to make way for the life Taeyong has made for you. He saw every memory of him got erased from the moment you first laid eyes on him at the opera lobby to your last memory of him before you close your eyes this morning, watching every moment while crying his heart out.

Taeyong’s heart is broken.

When you wake up, you felt as if like you’re missing something big in your life but you cant point a finger to it. Without knowing whats going on, you’re now living the life Taeyong made for you to save you from taking your own life. A beautiful life without him.

You see Jaehyun sleeping beside you sweetly and peacefully. What a night you thought. Jaehyun indeed worn you out, fucking you until the sun goes up. Little did you know that was Taeyong.

In this life, you happily live with Jaehyun in your apartment ever since you two were dating in college. You’ve been together for 5 years already and you are perfectly happy with him. After graduation, Jaehyun moved in with you and you made beautiful memories in every corner of your apartment. You spend Christmas and New years together just like when you were little kids, the only difference now is that he finally proposed to you and asked you to marry him.

Before getting married, you finished your last season at the company by doing the lead of The Nutcracker. Jaehyun watched every ballet performance you had since college days until your last. After that, you promised yourself that you will try something new that involves making more time with your fiancé. He takes the baking classes with you so he can be a great assistant in the future, and that made your heart bursts into happiness. He bakes cupcakes with you every weekends as part of your quality time at home. He supported and helped you with the success of your bakery.

After getting married for a year, you and Jaehyun had a baby. You told Jaehyun the big news that you’re pregnant and he is really happy about it. But neither any of you two, knew that the father of the baby that you’re carrying is Taeyong’s. Just like what Ruby showed to Taeyong, he will have a child but the child will never knew him as her father.

It hurts Taeyong the most knowing he will never get the chance to take care of his baby. He will never get the chance to tie her hair like how he does for you. Now, you’ve got Jaehyun to do those for you and his baby girl.

Trust the pain and endure it everyday is all he can do now. Taeyong continues being a responsible king to his kingdom, exhausting himself everyday hoping his tired mind can make him sleep well, but it never did. He can clearly remember the last good sleep he had, and that was the night he got married.

Taeyong broke off his engagement to Sorn for Yuta’s sake and for the happiness of them both. The couple are now happily married with joined kingdoms all thanks to Taeyong’s support and help.

The famine did happened, but it didn’t take a while. The 21 kingdoms joined forces to prevented the famine from getting longer and because of Taeyong’s constant presence in his kingdom. He focused all his energy and time on doing king duties. Something he cant do if he continued being with you in your world. And because of that, he is sorry. He blames himself everyday for making decisions that caused his misery now. The once happy and joyful king, is now a gloomy and lonely King Taeyong.

Doyoung told Taeyong the news that you’re pregnant and that Jaehyun is doing a good job taking over his role in your life. Hearing it made him smile. Taeyong visited Ruby to tell her the great news and that the potion that she made did a great job.

“The kingdom is now safe your highness. You can go visit her if you want.” Ruby suggests, as a way to comfort him. “You can shadow her, be with her throughout her pregnancy.” Taeyong followed Ruby’s risky idea. He then visited the human world again with Johnny, Yuta and Doyoung.

“Its funny how in the human world its only been days but in our world… months have passed already” Doyoung says as he walks with Taeyong.

“What if she remembers us?” Johnny asked full of hope. Taeyong thought about it but it’s impossible, he saw the magic work through Taeyeon and she cant remember anything.

“Look! Thats her shop...” Yuta points at a small bakery painted in purple and the smell of freshly baked cupcakes lingers on the street. Taeyong walks slowly as if he’s scared to face and finally see you again. But he has to be strong. You heard the door open and welcomed the customers, “Hello! What can I get you guys? May I suggest our freshly baked red velvet cupcakes?” They all looked like first time customers, they also looked handsome and fine, almost looked like royalty.

You didn’t noticed but Doyoung stopped time, for Taeyong to look at you a little bit longer. Its the only thing he can do for Taeyong. He take a good look at you, happy that Jaehyun is doing a great job filling up for his part. Taeyong wanted to cry, he wanted to hug and kiss you but instead, he just whispered all his apologies to you and that he loves you.

“Doyoung, you can bring back time now” and he did. They were all shocked when they finally see you again, what Doyoung did actually helped them calm themselves and not freak out when they finally talk to you. Johnny quickly asked for a box of red velvet cupcakes to lessen the awkwardness. Doyoung is scanning and choosing his cakes. Yuta is planning to buy cupcakes for Sorn, and Taeyong... Taeyong is watching your every move around your bakery. His heart is happy seeing you do what you want and most importantly, you’re alive.

Johnny snaps his fingers to bring back Taeyong to the current situation. He gave Taeyong an iced americano so he wont look like he’s being awkward. The three princes sigh and gave Taeyong a “tsk” because he’s being weird in front of you.

“Dude order something. Try to make a conversation” Johnny suggests. Taeyong was looking at the freshly baked cupcakes and cakes while you were wrapping Yuta’s order ready to take Taeyong’s order.

“See something you like?” You asked him with a smile.

You. Taeyong thought. “...can I have, all of these?” Taeyong was pointing at the cupcakes fresh from the oven and even the ones on the shelf. “And these...” now he’s pointing at all 10 cakes at the refrigerator. You almost asked him if he’s joking. “Its a lot, but it’s for the kids in this school we are visiting” Doyoung explains. Huh figures.

When Taeyong and the three princes left your bakery, you were happy because of the good sales and hope they would love everything they bought. Jaehyun came in when they left minutes ago and he was happy you sold a lot more than usual today.

“So what are we going to do with all these sweets?” Johnny asked then let out a big sigh “if only the love of my life is still alive -”

“Hey! Dont be sad, give them to me I’ll eat all of them” Taeyong comforts Johnny.

Doyoung was silently enjoying the cupcakes that he ordered and told everyone it was so good, they should eat one now. And they all did. Taeyong fell in love with you more after tasting one cupcake. Yuta on the other hand was happy, “Sorn will like these. She’s been having a sweet tooth lately. I think she’s pregnant” And they were all happy for Yuta for there will be another baby on the way.

7 months pregnant

Being pregnant is hard you thought. You cant bake properly, you cant stay at the bakery and bake nonstop like you used to, you feel fat... but oh the amount of attention you get from Jaehyun is unbelievable. You love how he tries to bake and help at the bakery whenever he can, you love seeing him put cupcakes and cakes on the shelf, he looks calm.

You took a week off from the bakery and Jaehyun got you covered. It was bad timing and Taeyong didn’t know you’re not going to be at the bakery today. He saw Jaehyun serving the customers so he figured you’re not present today “Are you new here?” Taeyong pretends he doesn’t know. “The owner of the bakery is my wife sir” Jaehyun answers politely.

It hurts Taeyong to hear such words, knowing all too well that this is his doing. As usual, he buys everything he sees and reasons out that he is visiting a school nearby. Taeyong got home disappointed because he didn’t get to see you, thinking maybe you’re at home resting and reading like you always do on your free time.

It has been peaceful in Taeyong’s world, the big news now is Sorn is indeed pregnant and Yuta invited him to celebrate in his kingdom. Everyone was happy for Sorn and Yuta’s blossoming married life, and Taeyong cant help but think that if it wasn’t for that stupid famine, he could’ve had spend a beautiful married life with you too and he could’ve made you happy. But now, he’s just miserable.

When the most awaited day has come, Doyoung ran into Taeyong’s office while he was having a meeting with Johnny, Yuta and the other members of the royal court. Doyoung was shouting, screaming at Taeyong that you’re about to deliver the baby today. His world stopped again upon hearing the big news, hands shaking, heavy breathing. The constant want of Taeyong to be with you and your daughter grew stronger.

Calming himself in front of everyone right now, the three princes noticed Taeyong isn’t going to be alright anytime soon. They dismissed themselves and left Taeyong alone. The next day, Doyoung delivered the news to Taeyong that the baby is healthy and its a girl.

“Oh my go-“ Johnny exclaims, “dude! Get your shit together, congratulations!” The three of them seemed happy but Taeyong was still sad about everything. Knowing about Taeyong’s struggle, the three princes made their own way to help Taeyong out. Because Taeyong is still not yet ready to see his daughter, the three of them made sure to guide you and your daughter for all these years.

Yuta visits your daughter’s dreams making sure she has beautiful dreams of the kingdom. For Yuta, it is your daughter’s birth right to know that the kingdom his father rules exist, even if its from a dream.

Doyoung is in charge of helping your daughter grown smart like his uncle. Being one of her teachers all through out of her studying until she graduates.

Johnny became the protector of your family, making sure there will be no danger that will cross your path.

They did this for years and years for Taeyong. For them, they owe Taeyong so much that what they’re actually doing right now is still not enough for all Taeyong has done for their kingdoms. Being good uncles is the least they can do to Taeyong’s daughter.

When time healed Taeyong’s heart completely, he remained in your shadows, secretly sending people to buy in your bakery and bring it to his world so more people can experience your delicious cakes and cupcakes. He is the one protecting your daughter now and not Johnny, thanking Johnny for everything he has done for the past few years.

He even sent birthdays and Christmas gifts to you and your daughter, occasionally visiting your world and just following you around with Doyoung, Yuta and Johnny.

“Your daughter grew up nicely” Doyoung said while watching your daughter read at the children’s bookstore. “She sure is” Taeyong sighs in relief.

When they got back to the kingdom, Taeyong noticed that the gate is slowly having cracks as if its about to self destruct any day. He showed the cracks to Ruby and to the other princes. Ruby discovered that the passage to the other world will close in three days time, destructing itself to maintain the natural order of worlds.

So its time. Taeyong thought.

Given the circumstances that the gate will self destruct, Taeyong gathered his strength to face his daughter for the first time when he visits the human world, for the last time. Letting go of you was hard enough he thought, but letting go of his daughter was harder.

One fine day, you were needed at the bakery and Jaehyun should be the one sending your daughter off to ballet class, but he forgot to tie her daughter’s hair.

This is it Taeyong. He approached her daughter and introduced himself trying not to scare her way. Thanks to Yuta’s help, Taeyong didn’t seem to be a stranger to his daughter. He seemed familiar in her daughter’s eyes.

“I can see that your hair is not yet tied, do you need some help?” Taeyong kneeled meeting his daughter’s level and asked her if he could tie her hair. She nods.

Taeyong was trying to be gentle as possible. The whole time he was brushing her daughter’s hair, he was remembering and savouring the feeling of combing her soft black hair for the first and last time. “There you go” Taeyong said with a smile.

“You did well Mr! Thank you. It’s like how my mom would do it.” She said enthusiastically.

“Is that so?” Taeyong looked into her daughter’s eyes, she has my eyes. Trying not to cry in front of the young girl, Taeyong walked her in front of the ballet studio and talking about random things with he that she gladly answers. “This is as far as I can go.” He pats her head and asked for a hug, the little girl gave him what he asked for.

“Take care of your mom okay? Tell her she’s doing a great job taking care of a princess.” I love you so much baby. You will grow well. He pushed away slowly from her daughter’s sweet hug and left with a smile not wanting her daughter to remember him frowning.

While watching his daughter during her first day in ballet class, he sees her daughter in you. That she’s so much like you and he wonders what she got from him besides his eyes. After the class, Taeyong cannot believe what he’s seeing with his own eyes. Its you. Wearing a white coat with gold buttons, waiting for your daughter to come out of the ballet studio with that beautiful smile he fell for.

“Mom!” Your daughter shouts in excitement for seeing you.

“Hey baby! How was your class? Did daddy tied your hair?”

Taeyong chuckled hearing your words. Yeah I did.

“Im sorry, I was busy this morning” you apologised to your daughter and showered her with kisses on her cheeks. Taeyong watching you from a far, he will forever remember this until the day he dies.

“Daddy forgot to tie my hair, but there’s this handsome mister who helped me. He tied my hair instead.” You think of punishing Jaehyun later when you get home for forgetting to tie his daughter’s hair. “Oh what a nice mister” you said.

“He called me princess and he told me to tell you that you’re doing good” she explains. You and Taeyong let out a small laugh hearing her explain like that.

You don’t know why hearing what your daughter just said made your heart ache but you didn’t show her. For some reason you felt sad and all of a sudden you feel like crying.

Taeyong finally left and crossed the passage for the last time, the gate is about to self destruct. He was happy and contented for having such good memories with you and his daughter.

11 years later

Your daughter is 18 years old and she’s having her first lead performance tonight at the opera where you used to dance ballet. She was so amazing you and Jaehyun teared up after the curtains fall. Standing ovations, never ending “bravo!” from the audience. You were so proud of her.

“Congratulations baby!” You hugged your daughter and showered her with kisses just like when she was starting to learn ballet. Jaehyun on the other hand is a proud father too, showered her daughter with kisses and hands her the flowers that he got for her.

“Thanks dad! But I thought these are from you...” she showed Jaehyun the beautiful flowers that she’s carrying. “Baby you’re the lead performer, its okay to have lots of flowers!” He said excitedly. “Lets have dinner come on!”

Days after the performance, your daughter decided to go to the flower shop where the flowers has been purchased. She got curious because she never knew who gave it to her, all she wanted to do is to thank that person. “Oh! The buyer was named Lee Taeyong and he instructed to send flowers for every performance you’ll have.” The florist explains.

When she got home, she asked you if you’re familiar with a guy named Lee Taeyong.

Lee Taeyong.

It does sound familiar you said to your daughter however, you just can’t seem to be sure with your thoughts. You think long and hard but decided to just shrug it off. “I’m sorry baby but I dont know any Lee Taeyong” you felt a direct pang of pain in your heart. Your heart knew who Lee Taeyong is. He is the only man you ever loved, showed you how beautiful the world with him in it, and the man who changed your life.

Fin.

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If you finished this baby of mine, I know its a handful and its not that good but I’ve been wanting to write about so I did. hehe. I hope some enjoyed this, and if you did I’d like to hear from you! Anyways, thank you for reading it. <3

#nct-writers #neowritingsnet #cznnet #nct fluff #taeyong fluff #nct angst #taeyong angst #nct #nct scenarios #nct imagines #fantasy au

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peachebunnys · 5 years ago

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Pain, with love VI

pairing: Horacio Carrillo x reader

summary: Arranged Marriages are tough, but add that with having a drug lord on the loose? Horacio Carrillo can only imagine what’s coming for him.

warning: crying, insecurity mentions, angst (? idk if this counts)

a/n: I have simply nothing to say, just take this away from me.

3.6k words

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Chapter 6;

The month goes by quickly, with days filled with joy and laughter. You didn’t think time would pass this fast, but unfortunately Horacio was due to return back to work the next day. You tried to hide the disappointment from him, knowing that once he was back in the motion of working, the days where he’d return way past midnight would soon return.

He was currently sitting across you, taking a bite out of the pancakes you decided to make on that fine morning. His fingers were intertwined with yours, mindlessly rubbing his thumb over yours whilst eating his food. The physical contact, you realized, was something the two of you started to do more of, unknowingly holding the other for the comfort it brought with it. Just holding him, feeling him next to you brought a peace of mind, knowing that you weren’t alone anymore.

He must’ve thought nothing more of it though, since he never reacted much whenever the two of you held hands - if you could even call it that. You were touch starved, and ever since that night you had the nightmares of your dad, you’ve been sleeping closer to Horacio, seeing that it didn’t bother him when you did so.

His touches were always so comforting, something that eased you from your stress and fears that came every night. He always held you like you’d break in his hands if he was too rough, and you could sense the conflict in him whenever he pulled you closer to him.

There was something unspoken between the two of you, and you didn’t know if you wanted to address it. What if you did and he denies having feelings for you? What if he told you that he was doing it to ease your pain of being alone, simply abiding to what your father had wished him to do? What if he didn’t love you like you did?

Your fork scraped the empty plate, the screeching sound becoming slightly unpleasant to the ears.

Was this too fast for you? Was this too fast for him?

Your mind was muddled with thoughts, unsure where it started or where it ended. You were starting to become nervous, and in turn pulling your hand away from Horacio.

“Y/N? What’s wrong?”

His deep voice breaks your thoughts, pulling you out of your head space to look at him with worry written all over his face. He always did this though, always looking out for you for any signs of distress.

“Oh, yeah I’m fine,” you forced a smile, dropping the fork on your plate. “I’ll go wash these up.”

“Y/N wa-”

The knocking on the door had interrupted him, the loud sound tearing his eyes away from you. The door practically trembled with each knock, shaking the large wooden door to its core.

“Carrillo! It’s us, Peña, Murphy and his wife!”

Horacio lets out a small huff, standing up from his stool to walk towards the door, “great, now the gringos are here.”

As he opens the door, the two taller men smile widely at him, holding up two bottles of champagne in front of his face. “Time to celebrate your last day of break! It’s going to be the last one for a long time.” Connie trails behind her husband, smiling apologetically at him, “I’m sorry, they really wanted to visit you. If it makes you feel better, I’ll bring them home if things start to get too rowdy.”

Horacio’s looks over at you standing by the sink awkwardly, staring at the guests by the door. Javier breaks out into a huge smile and walks through the house, whispering as he glances over at Horacio, “don’t worry, none of us will try to steal your girl.”

That statement alone made Horacio annoyed, but he couldn’t do anything about it since the two men were already in his living room. They stood in front of the couch, admiring the baby blue shade of the walls, which were now decorated with portraits, pictures of the couple, and even a few artworks.

Javier whistled, pacing around the living room to inspect every item that was either on the wall or shelves, “looks like the both of you have been busy, the walls weren’t this colour when I came here the last time.”

“Yea we uh- decorated it a bit, Y/N thought the colour was starting to get dull.” Horacio rubbed his neck, looking around the vastly empty room. Minimalism, as you called it, was something you found very pretty and wanted to try to incorporate it into your living space. Horacio, on the other hand, couldn’t wrap his head around the idea of wanting as little things as possible, for a home should be something personalized to the people living in it. But even despite his deferring views, he didn’t voice them out to you, since he didn’t have many items to display around the room anyway.

“I bet it’s all her idea, there’s no way you can come up with something as pretty as this,” Javier clapped Horacio on the back, grinning as he made eye contact with you. Steve had already made himself at home, slumping back into the comfortable couch next to the round coffee table. Connie, on the other hand, was making her way towards you, smiling brightly as she held out a container full of brownies.

“I made this last night but found it a bit too much for both Steve and I to consume, you should have it.” She places the container on the kitchen counter, opening up the lid to let you observe its contents. The brownies were a beautiful shade of dark brown, with small pieces of walnuts jutting out from its cube shape. It smelt too sweet, which had you salivating at just the mere sight of it. You thanked Connie for the delicacy as you offered each of the guest drinks, placing down water that filled the pretty porcelain cups you still kept around.

As the men started catching up on work-related matters, Connie sat across you at the kitchen island, drinking the beverage you had just offered her. The two of you had started talking about mindless things, from recipes to discussing your married life to even explaining to her how both you and Horacio had found yourselves in this arranged marriage situation. All the while Connie was being supportive, gently rubbing your shoulder comfortingly as you stopped yourself from tearing up when you spoke of your father.

She too shared her worries about Steve, and how it kept her up all night whenever he was out on the field. In times like these, she paused, the only thing that’ll bring him home is your love and support - especially when things get tough.

You nodded at her knowingly, but hearing those words didn’t make you feel less worried about Horacio. You were zoning out, watching him from across the room as he continued discussing about work, every word Connie mentioned to you flying right over your head.

“You really do love him, huh?” It had caught you off-guard, especially since she was just in the midst of telling you about her job scope.

Your face reddened, and you felt like a small child being caught by their parents for eating something they shouldn’t have. You stuttered out excuses, mixed with soft and unconvincing ‘no’s. Your eyes were darting around the kitchen, looking at anywhere but at her.

Were you that transparent? And if so, you were starting to worry if Horacio had caught on to your feelings.

You weren’t looking to put him in a position where things may get awkward for the both of you, knowing that some people weren’t ones to fall in love quickly.

Connie looked at you with a knowing smile, reaching out to hold your hand, “if it means anything, he’s been looking at you quite a bit too, especially since we walked through the door.”

Your eyes snap towards Horacio, catching him looking right back at you. It was clear he wasn’t listening to what the other two men were saying, focusing his eyes on you. Your heart was beating faster and you notice him cracking a smile towards you, raising his eyebrows as a gesture to ask if there was anything wrong.

You simply shook your head, smiling back at him before continuing your conversation with Connie. She was smiling so happily, recounting how Steve was trying his best to woo her when he first met her at the bar, all those years ago and the two of you couldn’t stop giggling at how hilarious his attempts were.

Throughout the conversation, you caught Horacio’s eyes on you again and each time you would cock your eyebrow questioningly. After the third time of doing so, he walked out of his seat, not caring about the conversation he was having with the other two men. He walked over to you, placing his hand gently on yours.

“How are the both of you doing?”

You look up to him, his head blocking the kitchen light from shining into your eyes. You could hear Connie get out of her seat, smirking as she walked over to the living room to join Javier and Steve.

“Great, what’s up?”

“Oh nothing, you were just looking at me a lot, I thought you must've needed me.”

“Me, looking at you a lot?” You scoff, “it was more like you were looking at me first.”

Horacio chuckled at your words, reaching out to the brownies that sat next to you. He pulled the container over, inspecting the dessert Connie had brought over.

“I swear, these gringos put anything but seasoning in their food.”

Your hand cup your mouth immediately, hiding the fact that you were laughing so hard that your body started trembling.

“Horacio-” you wheezed, “you can’t say that about your friends!”

He smiled widely at you, popping a brownie into his mouth, humming in appreciation at the taste of it, “it’s really good though.”

He picks up another one before walking back to his seat, “can’t stay here too long or they’ll accuse me of trying to escape their boring conversations.” He flashes a smile at you before turning back to the men, face immediately falling to show little to no emotion.

A few hours later, dinner was served and everyone was chatting at various corners of the room. You were busy chatting with Connie when Javier had come up to you, stretching out his arm to shake your hand.

“I’m Javier Peña, I work with your husband quite closely.”

“So I’ve heard,” you shake his hand that was huge enough to cover your tiny palm entirely, completely oblivious to the way Horacio was staring at the two of you.

“Your husband,” Javier pauses, shoving his thumb in direction to Horacio, who was barely listening to Steve talk about his cat, “is a good man, but a real pain in the ass to work with.”

“Oh?” You muse, eyes crinkling as you smiled at Javier, “I’m afraid I’m not familiar with that side of him.”

“I can tell! You know,” Javier now makes himself comfortable, sitting next to you on the couch and Connie moves away to sit next to her husband, “I’ve never seen that man crack a smile before. Never! It’s always like there’s a stick up his ass or something, always preventing him from showing even the slightest bit of emotion.”

You laugh heartily at that remark, unable to imagine Horacio as serious as Javier described him to be. You’re reminded of that day, a few weeks back when his wounds were still fresh and how he was unable to wear his shirt properly, huffing like an inconsolable puppy.

You narrate this story to Javier, who in turn grips his sides as he laughs out loud, titling his head back slightly. The two of you started sharing stories about Horacio, with Javier sharing with you in great detail how it's like to work with him. He tells you about how Horacio hated paper work with his entire being, and how it’d drive him up the wall if anyone tried to talk to him then.

Your face was turning red with how Javier described your husband to be, feeling your eyes fill with tears as you continued listening to his comedic rants.

Horacio, on the other hand, sat across Connie and Steve, who were in the midst of telling him all about a new child they’ve recently adopted - with Steve even going as far as digging through his wallet to show pictures of the infant. Horacio simply nodded at the couple, every few seconds glancing back to see you holding onto Javier’s shoulder as you practically cried while laughing.

A foreign emotion bubbled in him, with his chest feeling way too tight all of a sudden. He could tell you were having so much fun, which made him smile albeit sadly to himself. His thumb rubs over the wedding band, twisting it in place on his ring finger. He glanced down at the beautiful silver jewelry, the sides reflecting his face like a mirror. He looks back up again and swallows deeply, letting out a long breath as he turns back to the conversation with Connie and Steve.

The day went by quickly, way too fast for your liking. You had started to take a liking towards Horacio’s colleagues, and especially Connie who was nothing but sweet to you the whole time. You ushered the guest out the door, thanking them for coming and bringing food with them - saving you the hassle of cooking lunch and dinner.

You glance up at the kitchen clock to see it was half past nine, surprised that the guests had stayed for that long. You moved over to collect the trash bin that was piling up with disposable cups and plates that were used earlier to serve dinner. You bundled up the black trash bag and tossed the bag out to the main bin, walking back into the house to see Horacio pacing along the corridors of the rooms, looking like he was burdened with something.

You smile as you walk towards him, brushing your hands on your floral dress before reaching out to hold his firm bicep. His head had immediately snapped towards you, and while his face hadn’t shown any emotions, his eyes were filled with sadness, watching you intently as you moved closer to him.

“Horacio...” you looked up at him with worry written all over your face, he looked just as hopeless as he did that night when he was struggling to patch himself up. “What’s wrong?”

He felt his heart ache at how sweetly you asked about his well being, always looking out for him whenever you felt something off.

Does he tell her?

He needed to, right?

She deserved to know the truth.

The tension in the air was growing, getting thicker by the moment. The way Horacio looked at you now, with conflict in his eyes only made you more worried. The minutes went by with Horacio not saying a word, jaw clenched as he took a step back from you.

“You deserve better Y/N,” he says simply, “you deserve someone better than me.”

Your vision starts to get blurry as you focus on Horacio, seeing him look just as pained as you.

What on earth was he on about?

“What are you talking about, Horacio?” You noticed how he was distancing himself from you, and it felt like you were being stabbed right in the chest.

He gently bites his bottom lip, stopping it from trembling as he feels the tears threatening to run down his face, “You truly deserve someone that will be able to take care of you, someone who would be able to give you the world and make you happy.”

You reach out to hold his hand, only for him to pull it away from you. Your shocked expression didn’t go unnoticed and he could now feel his heart burn with sadness, breaking as you looked so dejected.

“Where’s all this coming from? I-It’s not like you to say this, is everything alright?”

He takes in a deep breath.

And another one.

He steadies his breath before looking at you again, the room echoing with the sounds of nearby crickets from behind the windows. The cool air was blowing through, curtains dancing with the wind, like a synchronized move. The night was silent, and in this moment, it felt almost suffocating to you.

He swallows deeply, finally allowing you to hold his hand like how you always did. Your hair was in a mess again - like how it usually was, and again he struggled, to not give in to the temptation to comb the stray strands behind your ear.

“I saw how you were with Peña just now an-”

“Is this what it’s about?”

“- and how you laughed like there wasn’t a care in the world. I know I can’t give you th-”

“Horacio.”

“You deserve better, and I’m just a shell of a ma-”

“Horacio,” your voice breaking, “stop.”

“You deserve to be with someone who could give you the world and mo-”

“Horacio!” You repeated, trying your best to stop his endless ramblings, only for him to continue on louder, oblivious to the fact he was talking over you.

“You’re just too good for me, I’d break you, I’m not a good man and I’m afraid I’ll hurt you,” Horacio’s voice was starting to sound more broken, holding back tears while balling up his fists - knuckles turning white at the exertion.

You could feel your thoughts turn into mush, unable to comprehend anything as he whispered the last part to you, “I don’t deserve you, and when you were talking to Peña it made me realis-”

“We were talking about you!” You practically yelled out that statement, trying your best to stop yourself from crying halfway, “we were talking about you, Horacio!”

His eyes widened, allowing the tears to flow freely down his cheeks. His face devoid of any emotion as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

“Javier was telling me about how you were at work -” you sniffled, rubbing your nose with tissue from the nearby tissue box, “and he was telling me about your little habits you’d do before you went out on missions, or how you thought about me before that raid on Gatcha’s safehouse.”

Horacio looked at you silently, lips pursed tightly as he slumped his shoulders. You could barely wrap your head around whatever he was saying.

That you were too good for him?

Within the few weeks of knowing him more intimately, you’ve discovered that Horacio was a loving, if not most loving, person you’ve ever met. He was always there for you when you struggled, and in turn you were always there for him too. The days were rough, no doubt, with the nightmares of your dad appearing occasionally, while Horacio faced difficulties in doing strenuous activities. But the patience and support the two of you had for each other was enough to keep you going, enough to bring you two closer together, you felt.

Your heart was heavy, and at this moment you didn’t know what to say to him. How could he think so little of himself? The very same person who held you close to him while recounting stories of his childhood to lull you to sleep, thought he wasn’t good enough for you? If there was anyone who wasn’t deserving of this wonderful relationship, you felt like it was you.

The man who stood opposite you had glassy eyes, staring back at you like a vulnerable child, wearing his heart out on his sleeves. Your mind was once again a chaos, thoughts all over the place as his words sank in. Your knees were starting to feel weak, and as the seconds went by, you felt like you were about to collapse. You closed your eyes to brace the impact, expecting the loud thud that came with falling against the cool hard ground, along with the pain that would come with it.

But you never made it to the floor.

You opened your eyes to see Horacio’s face inches away from yours, arms tightly wrapped around your body to prevent you from falling. His jaw was clenched, but he continued looking into your eyes, mirroring the sadness you knew was evident on your face. You daringly reached out to him, fingers running through his soft curls that you’ve been dreaming of touching since the day you first saw him. You dragged your fingers down his face, cupping his cheek before dragging your thumb over his lips.

It’s now or never, you thought, I might lose him if I don’t say it.

You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat, letting out a shaky breath before swiping your thumb over his chin. It’s now or never.

“I love you.” You croaked out, your heart hammering in your chest, “I think I’m in love with you Horacio.”

He scans your face, looking for any signs of doubt or insecurity, only to be met with eyes filled with adoration and love looking right back at him. He sucks in a breath, eyes closed to stop himself from looking straight at you, to stop himself from getting lost in your eyes - the ones that admire him like he’s the only person in the world.

He feels your thumb move up to his cheek, caressing his cheekbones lightly. Your touch was so gentle, and he could feel himself leaning into your palm. His breathing was becoming shallow, and just as he was about to open his eyes, he feels it - feels you.

Your lips pressed against his, and he could taste the tears you cried just moments prior. Your lips were everything he imagined it to be, and more - soft and plush while tasting faintly like the juice you were drinking earlier. He stills for a moment, hesitant on what to do, before moving his lips in sync with yours as he feels you pull away. His tongue drags across your lips, a silent request to let him in.

But you already have.

You’ve let him in your life, giving him your heart from the day he comforted you. You’ve let him in, countless times. And as he pulls you closer into his arms, your heart aches, knowing that whatever comes next might not be pretty.

Your fingers tug his hair lightly, pulling his face closer to yours. The both of you stayed like this for a considerable amount of time, before he finally pulled away, panting softly from the lack of air. You could feel your heart thumping in your ears, beating so fast and hard you felt like it’d break out of your ribs at any moment.

You watched Horacio, who looked like he was deep in thought. His eyes flashed with an emotion you couldn’t quite catch. Was it guilt? Pain? Sympathy? You could only wish you knew, wish he’d tell you something.

You refused to mull over it at that moment, only wanting to go to bed that night with your husband in your arms. You firmly held his chin, turning it tenderly so that he’d look back at you. His eyes were a pretty shade of brown, illuminated by the harsh white kitchen lights. You ran your thumb under his eye, smiling just slightly as you whispered to him.

“Horacio, come to bed with me… Please?”

His adam's apple bops up and down, and now he looks back at you with a pained expression. He gently places you on the floor, removing your hand from the side of his face carefully before placing it down on your thigh.

I still don’t deserve you, he thinks, never have and never will.

“I think you should head to bed first, I’ll come in later.”

The wind howls against the shut windows, indicating yet another thunderstorm to come. The rain that had just started now splatter on the glass panels, creating a rhythmic thud sound that echoed throughout the room. You could feel your heart breaking just as quickly as it did the last time it had rained, and as you glanced at the man you loved, you felt the loneliness wash over you again. Just as it did all those weeks ago.

I’m sorry.

Horacio got up and walked over to his case files, barely sparing a glance at your confused state on the floor. The gesture alone had made tears spill down your face again, and you watched him delve right back into work.

I truly am sorry.

#horacio carrillo #horacio carrillo x reader #horacio carrillo imagine #narcos #peachebunnys fic

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nicole-lynne · 5 years ago

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A Pair of Dummies

Hi there! This was a request from a lovely nonnie and I hope it finds its way back to them. “I was wondering if I could request a fic where you have eyes for Steve and Bucky tells you to go flirt with him, but Steve’s being an oblivious little butt and doesn’t get what you’re doing. So later you just tell him that you like him.”

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader Warnings: Some minor cussing

It was three in the afternoon and the only sounds in the gym was the sound of Steve’s weights slamming together after each rep and Bucky shouting commands as he paced around you on the mat. However, your gaze was focused on Steve’s back muscles tensing each time he pulled the weights back and the tiny little grunt he would make.

“Hello?! Anyone in there?” Bucky’s punching mitt slapped against the side of your head, knocking you sideways.

“Ow, what the hell, Barnes?” You snapped as you tried to shove the super-soldier but he didn’t move an inch.

He chuckled smugly at your failed attempt, “maybe if you’d been paying attention to me instead of Steve’s ass, then I wouldn’t have hit you.”

Your mouth gaped open and closed like a fish, trying to think of some comeback. “I-I wasn’t- you don’t- just shut up and put your hands back up, buddy boy.” You wiped off a bead of sweat with the back of your hands and got back into the stance.

Bucky worked around you in a circle while you worked through the combo he’d showed you. You shot your leg out and kicked against the mitt roughly and he shook his hand.

“Okay, that one actually had a little bite to it, kid. Ya know, you don’t have to be so defensive about crushing on a certain Avenger.”

You swung your fist hard toward Bucky’s head but he ducked just in time. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.” Your breath was starting to get heavier as he moved quicker.

“Hey, I totally get it. He is literally America’s wet dream. The perfect man. He embodies everything about the apple pie and the white picket fence.”

Annoyance was bubbling up in your stomach so you hit a two punch combo, hitting the mitt with a loud smack. “Barnes, you are so insufferable.”

“There’s no need to be so elusive. I’m just saying, I think I saw a little bit of drool coming out of the side of your mouth.” He pointed to the corner of his mouth for a moment, giving you the very opening you needed. With lightning reflexes, you threw your fist out and were centimeters away from connecting with his jaw when Bucky grabbed your hand and flung you onto the mat.

A little puff of air escaped your lungs as your back connected, Bucky’s body sitting on top of you, holding your arms pinned back. Dropping your head, you growled with frustration. Both of you were drenched in sweat and it was making your back stick to the mat uncomfortably.

“You didn’t really think I’d let you get me, didcha?” He mocked.

“I’ll admit, I thought I might have a small chance.”

Bucky rolled off you and held his hand out, hefting you off the mat in one swift motion. Dropping a heavy hand on your shoulder, he steered you toward the locker rooms. Steve was still in his own world, ignoring the two of you leaving the area.

Rounding the corner out of his sight, Bucky spun you around and rested his hands on your shoulders.

“Be honest, kid, you into Steve?”

Your eyes widened comically as Bucky stooped down to your level, making extremely pointed eye contact with you. An unease settled in you and you shifted your eyes down to look at your sneakers.

This wasn’t really the type of thing you wanted to talk to your friends about, let alone his very best friend. You had cleverly avoided discussing your embarrassing crush on Steve Rogers for two years, opting for admiring him from afar.

“Buck-”

“I’m not judging you, I just want to know if I’m wrong because if I am, I’ll shut up right now. But I’m telling you right now, I think you’d be good for him.”

“Uh,” wait, did you hear that right? “Wait, what?”

“Steve is a dummy, always has been and getting the serum didn’t help him any. I see him perk up when you’re around, though. I think you’d be a good fit with him. You’re ballsy, intelligent, albeit a smart ass, and you don’t push...that much”

When Steve had first started helping Bucky reintegrate into modern society, you had casually taken him under your wing. First it had started with tiny things like getting him to participate in small talk, then it was going out in public so he could realize that civilians didn’t worry about him. Gradually, you started hanging out all the time. Bucky quickly became one of your best friends at the compound.

It was clear that he still struggled with PTSD from his time as the Winter Soldier. You never acted like it was something he should be over already and you tried not to push him into talking about it for the most part.

The longer your friendship went on, you assumed that Steve would hang out with the both of you more, but he always kept his distance. He’d have small conversations with you, but more often than not, he wouldn’t move any further than ‘how’s the weather’ or ‘Tony called a meeting’.

Hesitantly, you shrugged Bucky’s hand off and took a step back. “But...Steve doesn’t even like me. Why would I be into him?”

“What the hell are you talking about, you doo-doo bird?”

Offended at the implication, you scowled. “I mean, Steve doesn’t even talk to me for longer than five minutes, so why would I be crushing on him, ass-hat?”

“Boy, you two are dumber than I thought.” Bucky mumbled to himself.

“Excuse me?” You squint your eyes and took a menacing step toward him.

He looked back at you and held his hands up, stopping you in your tracks. “Calm down, killer. What I meant is, you are both missing the obvious. Steve is just too stubborn so he thinks he doesn’t deserve happiness, which comes in the form of you. And you, well I’m not sure why you haven’t pursued him, but I just don’t think you’d be staring at him as much as you do if you didn’t like him.”

Your shoulders sagged in defeat. Why, oh why, did you have to be best friends with a sniper? Of course he saw right through you from a mile away.

“He doesn’t like me, Buck. How am I supposed to get anywhere with him if he won’t talk to me about anything but the weather or how many cookies Thor ate last time he was on Earth.”

“You’ve got to flirt with him, knucklehead.” Bucky smacked your shoulder. “He’s not gonna get the hint unless you actually act like you’re into him. Ya know, maybe ask him out to a meal or something. And talking about Thor isn’t gonna help the situation so cut that shit out right now.”

“But-”

“No buts, just go out there and flirt with him like the woman I know, love, and wish would get a life.” Then he was shoving you back towards the weight room with a huge shit-eating grin on, ignoring your shouts of offense. Hesitating for a moment, you glanced back to see Bucky shoo-ing you forward.

Letting out a huge sigh, you walked around the corner and slammed right into a large wall of muscle. Steve’s hands shot out and steadied you, the contact making your skin break out in goosebumps. He’d put his shirt back on and the blue was making his bright eyes even more hypnotizing than normal.

“Whoa there, sorry doll, I didn’t see you there.” Steve chuckled bashfully. “I thought you and Buck left a while ago.”

“We did. But we didn’t really, we were just talking. I-I came back to talk to you, actually.” It felt like you were sweating more than you had been during your workout. His hand was still on your arm and you couldn’t focus on anything but that sensation.

There was no reason for you to be so irrational right now, he’s just a man. Just a man who had saved the country and the entire world numerous times and was America’s Adonis. A man who also just happened to always have the most flawless hair that you always wanted to run your fingers through. Lord almighty.

“What did you want to talk about?”

“Ope, um,” crap, you hadn’t thought that far ahead. Here goes nothing, “I...just wanted to tell you that you looked really great during your workout today.”

He gave you a puzzled look, “Oh thanks, yeah I was really burning steel in there.”

“I could totally tell.” You reached forward and felt his bicep, “it looks like it’s really paying off for you.”

Steve’s gaze fell to your hand on his arm before giving you a small smile and you promptly let go again. “I think that might be more thanks to the serum than the workout.” He teased.

You chewed on your bottom lip, wracking your brain for what to say next. You weren’t good at flirting, it’s why you never did it in the first place. Bucky said to ask him out for lunch. “I guess you’re probably right about that. Well, I bet you worked up a huge appetite after that, huh? All that hard work.”

“For sure, I could eat a buffet out of business after a workout.”

Here was your chance.

“Would you want to-”

“But I’ve got a meeting with Tony in like twenty minutes so I’ve got to get a move on.” Steve kept talking and you grimaced slightly. “Did you have anything else you wanted to talk about?” He tilted his head, a little half smile on his lips. You wanted to leap forward and press your lips to his but that probably wouldn’t go over well, so instead you just shook your head confidently.

“Nope. I’m all good. Enjoy your meeting with Tony!” You called in a sing-song voice as he made his way to the door. He rolled his eyes at the mention of Tony and waved back at you before letting the door swing shut.

The air deflated out of you and you fell back onto the wall behind you, sinking to the floor and curling your knees up to your chest. If someone were to look up “embarrassing” in the dictionary, that interaction would be found. And you still hadn’t even made it past five minutes.

“Oof, that was painful.”

You lifted your gaze to find Bucky leaning on his shoulder above you, still in his workout clothes. Great, he’d heard the whole thing too.

“Why did you make me do that, you ass-hat?” You yanked on his leg hair harshly, making him jump further away from you. “I’m not good at flirting!”

“Wait, is that what you call flirting?” He exclaimed baffled.

You scowled up at him, “I’m not friends with you anymore.” Dropping your head back against the wall, you closed your eyes in hopes of going to your happy place - without Bucky around.

“It wasn’t that bad, kid, it just wasn’t much of anything. You started off strong but...” He crouched down so he was at eye level with you.

“But nothing. I’m an embarrassment and I will never be talking to Steve ever again.”

“No, no, no, stop being ridiculous. You just have to...flirt better. Maybe you could ask Tasha if she’d help you.”

You flung out your hand and pushed Bucky hard in the chest, making him tip backwards onto his butt. “Not happening, Barnes. I’m not asking the Black Widow,” you emphasized, “for help flirting with Captain America. You can just forget this ever happened and I will resume being friends with you in one to two weeks - you will be notified.”

Bucky was chortling and yelling at you to stop, but you’d already stood up and were booking it to the hallway, letting the door slam loudly on the way.

~~~

Life had been perfectly fine when you were admiring Steve Rogers from afar. You were content with pining for him but knowing that nothing would ever happen, resigned to the fact that you would find a good man someday and that would be the end of it.

What you hadn’t expected was Bucky butting his nose into your business and telling you that you’d be great with Steve. Or the fact that you couldn’t get the feeling of his hand lingering on your skin or his rippling bicep out of your head.

It had been a full week and you were living in a continuous loop of ocean blue eyes and trying to put the lid back on the feelings you’d successfully ignored for years.

You hadn’t talked to Bucky since you’d walked out of the gym, regardless of how many times he’d tried to trick you into speaking to him. And now you were being called for a meeting where Bucky and Steve would both be in the same room as you.

The sound of Steve Roger’s laugh made you look up instantly from the snack table and your stomach flipped at the sound. He was talking animatedly with Wanda, one hand flailing around in the air while the other hand was gripped tight to a stack of paperwork.

“You should talk to him, ya know.” Bucky’s voice was right in your ear and you elbowed him in response before walking to your seat across the room from him. You didn’t want to think that Bucky might be right so you’d rather take him out of the equation all together.

From his chair near the front, Steve glanced over and raised his lips in a timid smile at you. It felt like you could melt into a puddle of goo right there in your chair. You returned his smile cheerfully just as you felt a small nudge on your ribs. You swiveled your chair around to see Wanda grinning like the Cheshire cat. “What?” You asked innocently.

“I think you know what.” She giggled. “And Barnes is not wrong, you should ask him out.”

“Hey! You promised you wouldn’t look in my head anymore.” You pouted and turned back to the front room where Bruce had just started talking about the numbers from the previous quarter - how many civilians had been saved, how much structural damage had been done, ways to stop wasting so much on utilities.

The meeting could have been only fifteen minutes but it seemed like it’d been two hours. The entire time, your mind had been on one thing, well one person. This was getting out of hand, you couldn’t even focus on a simple meeting now.

Before you knew it, Bruce was dismissing the team and everyone was stampeding to the doors. Steve, on the other hand, was casually gathering his paperwork back up with his back to you. It was just you and him alone now in the conference room.

Sheepishly, you shuffled your shoe against the floor, praying for any smidgen of bravery to come. Steve peeked over his shoulder, surprised to see you still hanging around.

“Hey, you. Figured you’d be headed down for lunch, I heard Tony ordered in sushi from that fancy-pants place everyone loves.”

You shrugged loosely, “eh, thought I might stick around here for a little bit. I’m not really hungry anyways.”

“Oh yeah?” He leaned against the table and folded his arms across his chest with a look of concern on his face. “Is everything alright? I noticed you and Bucky haven’t been hanging out much lately.”

“Yeah, we haven’t... It’s kind of because of you...”

It was dead silent as you both exchanged looks.

“Me?” He asked, stunned.

Gradually, you moved to stand side-by-side with him. Maybe if he wasn’t looking directly at you, rejection would be easier. “Do you remember the day in the gym last week?” He nodded once. "The reason that I came in to talk to you was because... well, Bucky told me that I needed to flirt with you if I wanted you to realize that I liked you. But then I’m shit at flirting, and you didn’t really seem to notice or care, so I got mad at him for giving me the idea in the first place.”

“Wait- Did you say you like me?”

You glimpsed over at him and slowly nodded. Steve angled his body so he could see you better and you were just waiting for the moment where he starts laughing and mocking you for ever thinking he could want you. But it hadn’t happened yet.

“You were flirting with me?” His face was scrunched up like he was trying to think back on the whole interaction.

“Well I was trying to flirt with you. I figured you thought I’d had an aneurysm or something.” You joked, trying to lift the mood of the room but he didn’t crack a smile.

“I didn’t even realize...” Like lightning, he stood up straight and faced you, his blue eyes focused only on your face. “I’m sorry, doll, I didn’t even realize.”

“Steve, you don’t have to be sorry. I know you don’t feel that way about me, and I was just mad at Barnes for letting me get my hopes up.”

He lifted his hand and cupped your face delicately, his touch making your heart rate skyrocket. “Who said I don’t have feelings for you?”

“U-um yo-you never, well you never wa-want to talk to, ya know, me...” You stammered out clumsily.

“I thought you liked Bucky, doll.” He said without hesitation. “You guys are always spending time together and I didn’t want to get in the way of either of your happiness.”

“Are you serious?” You couldn’t help the loud laugh that passed your lips. “I wanted to be friends with Bucky in the first place because you thought he was worth being friends with... and I thought you might hang out with us.”

Steve shut his eyes and let his head fall forward, his forehead bumping against yours softly from how close he was to you. His hand was still against your cheek and you allowed yourself to relax into his touch more.

Finally, he lifted his head, “so last week when you asked if I was hungry, that’s because you were-”

“Trying to ask you out, yes.”

“Boy am I dumb.”

You snorted at that, “that’s the same thing Bucky said.”

Steve let out a breathy laugh before moving a bit closer to you. “I hope I haven’t lost the chance to take you up on that offer.”

The smell of his minty breath fanned in your face causing your mind to go blank and the only thing you could do was smile up at him like an idiot. As if your body was moving on its own, you shifted closer and his arm wrapped around your waist as if he’d done it a million times.

At the same time you both leaned together and connected your lips in an innocent kiss. The entire world stopped turning at that moment. It was so soft and pure as he held you tightly against his body, a good thing because your knees had buckled at the contact. Draping a hand over his shoulder, you twisted your fingers into his hair, letting your other hand curl up on his muscular chest.

After the most blissful moment of your life, Steve pulled back and was beaming. This beautiful man had just kissed you and was happy about it. Damn, life couldn’t get any better.

“Would you allow me to take you out to lunch, doll?” He asked, his voice a little husky.

“Absolutely, Captain. Lead the way.” You said, laughing when he blushed from you using his title.

Setting you back down firmly on the floor, he intertwined his fingers with yours and led you out to the elevator. The whole time, you were so enamored with Steve that you barely noticed Bucky waiting at the end of the hall with the most arrogant, smug look on his face.

#Steve Rogers #Captain Steve Rogers #Captain America #Steve Rogers x reader #Captain America x reader #Marvel #The First Avenger #Winter Soldier #Civil War #avengers #the avengers #Steve Rogers story #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #nicole-lynnefics #nicole-lynnerequests #Chris Evans

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bxoken-heartss · 5 years ago

Text

Put a Little Love On Me: C.V Part 2

(Y/N): Your name

(Y/E/C): Your Eye Color

(Y/L/N): Your Last Name

' ' ': Switch of scenes

~ ~ ~ : Line by Line Lyrics scenario ending.

// //: Lyrics

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, drinking mentions etc etc

Pairings: Christopher Velez x Reader

Words: 5600 +

Part 1: HERE.

A/N: I know it’s been LIKE 7 years approximately since i typed down the first part. But, I’ve had online classes and crappy assignments..But! HERE IT IS! And once again...I’m SORRY! But I hope you ENJOY! :)

Honorable Mentions: @wwecncowhydontwetrash @calypsocnco @cnco-hoenesty @papichriscnco @richardscurls @h-bea92 @zabdielmuch

//We wrote and we wrote till there were no more words

We laughed and we cried until we saw our worsts//

Chris sat down in front of his desk in his room, his heart heavy and burdened, yet a weird sort of emptiness filling his heart. He spoke nothing as he heard his heart slowly beating..each beat filled with an aura of pain at an in-rhythmically ugly pace.

He felt horrible...He just wanted to escape from this ugly unwanted reality..Writing music was his way of temporary escape from reality..a temporary refuge when things went downhill..

After a heavy workout and a hot relaxing shower, he sat down to write something onto his journal..

He carelessly opened the journal, flipping through the pages slowly as he reached a fresh new page, a fountain pen in his hand as he sat and thought about what he could write about to relieve or rather ease the stress and anxiety building up in him..

He wanted to write something..he really wanted to..but a wave of hopelessness washed over him as he had written a few "Love" related lyrics..

They sounded fake...forced..ingenuity lacing its lyrics..He tried again..but he just couldn't...for she was the only thing that bounced back into his mind..

She was the melody...the inspiration behind all his lyrics..but she wasn't his anymore..

The thought of her in between someone's arms..her new man kissing her..holding her close to him..

The thought of her being happier with someone else who wasn't him hurted him more than he could admit..but a part of him also happy now at least someone would treat her the way she deserved to be treated..

Christopher tried to clear his head..No! He didn't need her! He could obviously move on the way she did..She moved on..rather too quickly..at least that's what the media and all the tabloids said...

He began to write again but there were just no more words to write.. Just mere emptiness and silence fills the air..

The page was empty and dull just like his heart..

~ ~ ~

Y/N couldn't pinpoint on a single moment where she was the happiest with Chris..Every single moment gave her weird yet such long lasting memories.

"GUYS I'M BORED!" Y/N yells as she walks into the boys' studio

"Hi bored...I'm Erick! Nice to meet you! How are you doing today?" Erick asks beaming at her

"Ha ha ha! Very funny pretty eyes..." Y/N replies as she rolls her eyes and claps her hands sarcastically

"Oh come on! That was a good one! Right guys??" Erick asks as he hopefully looks at the boys

"I'm not going to respond to that." Richard comments as he lazily lays on the couch

"Are you done with recording for today?" Joel asks as he sits next to her slinging an arm around her missing the look of jealousy that had stayed hidden inside Christopher's brown orbs

"Yeah...Had a quick meet and greet and did a bit of recording! I'm done for the day! What about you guys?"

"Recording is still left...and we'll probably have a quick Twitter session or something..probably" Joel comments as he looks at her

"So none of you are free??" Y/N asks

"Shawty...as much as I'd love to spend the day I've still got parts to record!" Richard says

"I'm done for the day!" Zabdiel says as he suppresses a yawn

"Zab...Come with me we can go and have fun!!" Y/N pleaded

"Nope mi amor... I'm going to sleep." Zabdiel says as he lays down on the couch

"Chris! Ah! My favorite boy! My darling!" Y/N says as her eyes brighten up

"Hola Hermosa..." Chris comments as he sits next to her

"Chris honey...come on let's have a day out together!" She says

"Couldn't resist me even for a day huh nena?" Chris asks, obviously flirting

"Of course..I couldn't resist your face.. You are so insanely good looking..how could I?" Y/N replies, flirting back ignoring the way how quick her heart thumped against her chest

Y/N began talking to him about the most random things and every time she did Chris interrupted her...He knew it always made her pissed..It was something he always did...but he couldn't resist! She was absolutely ADORABLE when she got mad..

"And then I --" Y/N begins as Chris cracks another uncalled joke in Spanish as Erick laughs to it as he engages in a conversation with Joel.

"CHRISTOPHER BRYANT VÈLEZ I SWEAR TO GOD THAT I WILL CHOKE YOU UNTIL YOU DIE IN MY HANDS!" Y/N yells

"I'd rather be choking you Mami.." Chris replies as he smirks at her as her face flushes into a dark shade of pink

"Gawd..Can't y'all just date already? There's so much sexual tension between you two...Like get laid already and date!" Richard comments rolling his eyes, Erick furiously nodding

"Well..Err..." Chris begins as he nervously laughs

"YASHEL shut up before I kill you!" Y/N warns

"He's got a point...I mean you guys flirt so often that we'd feel weird if you both didn't date.." Joel says

"No! Joel not you too!! Zab...Your friends are being mean to me!!" Y/N complains

"Too late.. he's already asleep.." Joel says as she looks at a sleeping Zabdiel

"You guys are just being dumb.." Y/N comments

"We're being honest..you label it as dumb.." Erick counters earning a eyeroll from Y/N

"Whatever guys...Chris! Are you free? Please tell me you are!" Y/N asks

"Well...My recording for the day is done so I guess?" Chris answers

"Please...let's just go somewhere! I'm so tired of merely sitting around in my studio for hours...a small break would be good right?!" Y/N asks him hopefully

"Yeah I guess.." Chris replies as he rubs his neck awkwardly

"Are you sure you wanna go? You seem dis- interested..." She asks him

"No no... Absolutely not Hermosa.. I'm absolutely ready..Just let me get a hoodie and some shades and inform Ali about it then I'll be all good to go!" Chris comments as he walks away

"So did you finally manage to get him go on a date with you?" Joel asks as he looks at before heading towards the recording room

"Joel we are just hanging out cause he was free...nothing more nothing less." She replies rolling her eyes

"Okay I was just inquiring.." he says exiting the situation

"Oh...you mean one out of your many dates!" Erick says as his eyes gleam with adoration

"Could you just shut up for once Erick?! I told you we're - -" She begins

"Yeah, just friends...I get it..When are you going to realize that you just perfect for each other and just- -" Erick begins as Chris enters the room

"I'm ready Hermosa...Can we leave?" Chris asks interrupting Erick

"Okay sure..If my best friend wakes up by any chance and ever questions about my existence, just inform him that I had gone out with Chris.." Y/N tells Erick as she walks over to Chris

"Will do! Now go already and enjoy the day!" Erick replies as he pushes her onto Chris' arms

They exited the studio as paparazzis surrounded them, their security quickly making way for them as they quickly slid into her car.

"Where do you want to go Miss. (Y/L/N) ?" Y/N's driver, Henry asks (change his name if you don't like the name)

"Well to that less crowded carnival round the corner...And ask the others to stay away..We are heavily disguised so it won't be much of a problem." Y/N comments

"Are you sure Ma'am..I've been given strict - -" he begins

"I'll take the blame in case anything goes wrong trust me!" Y/N reassures as she put on a heavy coat to cover her disguise as Chris helped her with it.

"Thanks Chris..." Y/N says as she shoots him a grateful smile

"Of course Mi Amol..." Chris comments as he returns the gesture.

' ' '

"Aren't you excited CHRIS?!?" Y/N asks as she looks at Chris whose eyes beam with happiness

"OF COURSE!!!" Chris yells excited as he looks at her excitedly

"Then let's g- -" She says but interrupted halfway as Chris grabs her arm and pulls her into the crowd

' ' '

Time had gone so quick that Y/N almost thought her eyes were playing tricks with her when she saw the sun setting.

They had almost finished off all the attractions in the carnival..All the while Chris was just busy taking numerous pictures and videos of her, her giggling and laughing all the while.

"Hermosa...Look at that! I want that!!" He says as he points at a huge teddy bear in a stall.

"Aren't all these enough?" Y/N as she points at the bag of goodies and all those little toys Chris had gotten

"Nope...just one more...besides who doesn't like teddy bears?" He asks

"True but are you sure you want- " Y/N begins

"Hello? Yes...Yeah three soft balls? Cool enough!" Chris speaks as the person on the stall hands him over three soft balls

All he had to do was aim and get the soft ball into the basket that was next to teddy bear.

"Now watch me Hermosa..How I get that teddy in one throw!" Chris flaunts as he begins to aim for it. "But wait..Before that, I think you should kiss my knuckles.." He says finishing off

"And why's that necessary Chris?" Y/N asks her tone filled with sass

"Err..You know...for good luck! You technically just make people around you happy...so I figured that you would have some sort of good luck within you..So I thou- -" He begins

"I understand Chris...You don't need to explain..I was just messing with ya!" Y/N interrupts him as she holds his knuckles and presses a kiss onto his knuckles eliciting a soft blush from Christopher.

She quickly ignored the way her cheeks heated up as she gives him a shy smile, Chris slowly returning her the gesture.

"Go on Chris...try again..Let's hope it works!" Y/N comments as she looks at him

"Yeah okay!" Chris says, the soft ball falling inside a basket that stood next to a stuffed elephant.

"LOOK CHRIS! Elephants are cool too!" Y/N beams at him

"So boy do you want this or do you want to try again?" The stall keeper asks him

"Another try please.." Chris answers disappointed

"Chris you don't need to win the teddy bear specifically..it's -" She begins

"Just wait Hermosa...This time I'll get it in!" Chris says as he held the last soft ball.

Y/N holds Chris' knuckles as she pressed a soft kiss onto them, Chris' knuckles still laying lovingly in her palms. Chris smiles to himself softly not wanting to retreat his knuckles from her touch

"Err..Chris?" She says, gaining his attention.

"Yeah sorry! I was- -" Chris begins

"Come on Velèz! I know you can do this!! I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!" Y/N cheered

Chris nodded his eyes gleaming with determination...He took a few breathes and threw the ball again and bam! It went inside the basket next to the teddy bear he had wanted.

"YESSS!! YOU GOT THAT IN!! CONGRATULATIONS CHRIS!!" Y/N cheers as she hugs him, as he wrapped his arms around her and enjoyed her embrace.

The stall keeper handed the teddy bear to Chris who instantly took it after thanking him.

"I wouldn't have won it without your good luck.." Chris comments

"Nonsense! Your aim was perfect! That's why you got it!" Y/N replies smiling at him

Chris took a hold of the other things in Y/N's hands as he handed her the teddy bear.

"It's yours now.." He says as he looks at her

"But you won it...and you wanted it!" Y/N replies

"No..I knew how much you loved teddy bears and considering the fact that you were my good luck charm..I think you deserve this" Chris says

Y/N blushed softly..He paid attention to every little thing accidentally slipped out of her mouth.

How she wished you had the guts to tell him how she really felt. She stood on her toes as she pressed a kiss on his cheeks.

"Thank you.." She whispers as Chris looks away blushing as he nodded slowly

~ ~ ~

Every little moment with Christopher was filled laughter and joy..Barely was there were moments she had seen Christopher wasn't happy...That night was probably the first time she had seen him..sad and broken..

It had happened on unfortunate midnight...Y/N had a sleepover with Zabdiel and the rest of the boys at their place after a very tiresome movie night..Everyone retired to their rooms at midnight as it had started off from 10 in the morning that previous day...

Y/N had obviously chose to share a bed with Zabdiel because the guest room was too messy and she was downright exhausted to clean it up...And Zabdiel had always loved cuddling onto her tiny petite figure ever since they had sleepovers from back when they were friends..

She had woken up the 2:00 a.m or so as she felt thirsty. She sat up, carefully removing Zabdiel's arms off her as she practically forced her drowsy self off her bed as she sleepily walked outside the room and towards the kitchen. She grabbed a glass of water and drowned it down her throat quickly quenching her thirst...

She walked upstairs and was about to enter Zabdiel's room when she saw dim lights flashing inside Christopher's room, beams of light radiating from the half closed door. She raised her eyebrows and walked towards his room.

'Was he that exhausted that he didn't have that much of the energy to switch off his bedroom light?' She thought as she slowly enters his room without causing any noises.

She looked around the room but Christopher wasn't on his bed...His bed was neatly folded and didn't seem crumbled at all...Hadn't he slept at all? She looked around and was about to call out his name when she hears muffled yet heavy sobs.

She looked around the room again as worry cascaded her face..She heard the sobs again as she walked towards the source...The sobs growing comparatively louder each time she took a step closer in a quiet pace.

She slowly opened the bathroom door as her eyes widens in shock as a teary eyed Christopher stood in front of the mirror..Her eyes scanned him as she noticed a blade in his hand, her eyes widening in shock as he reflects the same and tries to hide the blade.

She angrily storms upto him as she looks at him with pure hate..She picks up the blade and throws it out the window from the window located inside the tiny bathroom..She then walks upto him as she grabs both his arms, inspecting it. A soft scar was imprinted on his arm.

"I'm- -" Christopher begins

"JUST WHY? WHY CHRIS??" She asks, her tone filled with hate and pain at the same time as she quickly patched up the scar

"It's nothing.." He trails off as he looks away

"Well it has to be something CONSIDERING the fact that you were try to kill yourself!!" Y/N yells

"Please...JUST..Just leave! I don't want you to see- -" Chris says trailing off

"Why...Just why would you do this Chris?" Y/N asks, her eyes brimming with tears

"Why would you care?" He asks her as he looks at her, his chocolate brown orbs instantly losing all the warmth it had ever possessed.

"CHRIS! Why wouldn't I- - I obviously do! Chris- -why would you ever - -" She begins

"I can't take this anymore...It's hard and sad..being HATED by millions..Feeling unwanted... talent-less..undeserving.." Chris interrupts her halfway as he looks down

"Says who Chris?" Y/N questions

"Who doesn't? Everyone hates me..I- -I can't do anything right..No one's there when I honestly need them..I don't blame them too considering how much I mean to them. So I just thought if no one liked me for who I was..why live? It won't make a huge difference whether I lived or no- -" Chris begins as a harsh slap interrupts him

Christopher's eyes widen in shock as he lifts his hand covering his cheek as it stung in harshness and pain.

She looked at him, her cheeks flushed with sad and angry tears as she glared at Christopher

"How- -How could you?!? Do you even REALIZE what would have happened if you..." She begins but gets interrupted by her tears and her shortened breaths

"I'd never forgive myself Chris! I love you too much! How could you even think about this?!?"She finishes off

Christopher's eyes widened as those words processed in his head but cut short when she pulls him into a hug. His tears fell softly as he shivered slightly

"I'm scared...Please..help me..Just don't leave.." Chris stutters

Y/N said nothing but held his cheeks with her hands and pressed a passionate kiss on his forehead and the cheek where she had slapped him.

A simple gesture...which meant something to both of them deep down inside...yet they thought the other didn't feel the same and pushed it into the back of their heads.

"I'm right here Chris...I'm not going anywhere..I'll always be there for you.." She says as he listens to her beating heart.

~ ~ ~

//Is it wrong that I still wonder where you are?

Is it wrong that I still don't know my heart//

"C- - CCa- -a- -n I h- -have ano- -ther o- -on - one lad?" Y/N asks, her eyes glossy as she slurs off

"Miss...you've already had an unhealthy dosage of - -" The bartender begins

"I'M A LEGAL ADULT! I'M PAYING YOU FOR THE DRINKS! WHAT'S YOUR FXCKING PROBLEM?!?" She screams at him as she interrupts him

"But Miss..." He begins

"I SAID GET ME ANOTHER ONE!" She shouts over the blaring music

The bartender reluctantly poured out another drink onto her now empty glass...

Y/N looked around as the place blasted off with various songs she could barely recognize. She glared at everyone and everything as she smoothly half emptied the glass of drink.

She gazed around the room to find couples dancing..couple talking..couples kissing.. and making out in their drunk state, but they had one thing in common..They were all happily in love..

She cringed at the word love..she was absolutely disgusted with the feeling.. She absolutely hated it...But deep down inside...she knew she was lying..somewhere down there..

But a part of her sad..and selfish..Why couldn't she have a happy life? Why was it always her that suffered? What had she done to deserve something like this? Why did it have to be her?

She laid her head down in the wooden table in front of her..She softly wiped away the mindless tears that had managed to slip through her eyes, her sobs as soft as mere whispers..

What sort of a therapy was this? Drinking away so as to ease the pain? She knew how unhealthy this was..but yet here she was..doing the same..

Everyone likes things that aren't good for them..or wish for things they could have..

Finding a coping mechanism trying to escape the painfully true reality...Her thoughts wandered around freely and yet again..it all returned to that one person...Christopher...

Was it wrong that somewhere in her heart she still secretly yearned for his presence next to her??

He must have probably moved on...Enjoying his life with those one night stands and hookups..or maybe even better..a steady girlfriend capable of making him feel loved and deserved...just the way like she used to make him feel once upon a time..

She felt her heart beating..Was it even alive after the amount of unspoken pain she was going through? Was it even hers in the first place? The beats were soulless and un-melodious.. What was happening to her heart? Where was the beauty and happiness in it?

Was it wrong she didn't want to move on and put aside her never seeming to disappear feelings apart and grow up?

~ ~ ~

//Are you all dressed up but with nowhere to go

Are your tears falling down when the lights are low?

Another Friday night tryna put on a show

Do you hate the weekend cause nobody's calling?//

She found herself heading towards her closet as she threw on a fancy t-shirt and a pair of denim jeans as she stopped herself midway..

Weekend nights were always date nights with him...Despite however busy they turned out...they'd manage to spend quality time together..at weird yet wonderful places..

'Y/N get a bloody grip of yourself!' She mentally warned herself.

She changed back into her pajamas as she sat on her bed, her frame leaning towards the headboard of the bedroom.

Her work for the day was done...She had informed her manager, Charles that she was absolutely exhausted and couldn't manage working any longer that day..

She was tired...absolutely tired mentally..Bottling up her feelings were hard..

Zabdiel had come over to her place every single day and texted her every single hour of the day he could to help her...Just so she could talk it out..

But she just didn't talk anything..She talked about daily routines and anything and everything apart from Chris.

Usually after any break up she had, she would talk things out and cry it out to Zabdiel and he'd console her. But this time...she just couldn't and didn't want to be consoled..as if she wanted to keep cry and keep hurting herself..because deep down inside she still wants him beside her.

But what was she supposed to talk about when she herself didn't know how she felt? How could she explain him a feeling she herself couldn't understand?

She hates crying..Hated crying around anyone..So when the day changes into night and when the world or the city was asleep...she used it as an opportunity to let down her guard down and let the tears fall down freely...

She cried and cried till her heart ached with the familiar hidden pain striking hard with every real tear that slipped down her cheeks.

Weekends were always associated with beautiful memories ever since Chris had been a part of her life..now all that filled her weekends were just tiresome, painful tears and put down her daily facade.

~ ~ ~

//I've still got so much love hidden beneath this skin//

Oh how she hates feeling like this.. But the heart want what it wants.. and that was the feeling of being whole again..and no one was capable of doing so apart from..him...no matter how much ever she tried to deny it..

//Will someone put a little love on me

Put a little love on me//

She felt miserable...Absolutely annoyed, frustrated, stressed and all the negative emotions she had ever experienced in her lifetime washes all over her..all it once..the pain intensifying as every little wasted, endless, lifeless tear washes down her cheeks for the millionth time in the same minute..as she aggressively wipes them off, her cheeks burning and her arms sore from wiping away the still falling tears

Her sobs suppressed yet her heart screamed and ached in pain which mere words could never explain..

//When the lights come up and there's no shadows dancing

I look around as my heart is collapsing

'Cause you're the only one I need

To put a little love on me//

Drinking so as to forget..more like to ease the pain..wasn't a solution. Y/N came home drunk at irregular times mostly drunk at the dawn of every morning. An extremely unhealthy coping mechanism but that was her escape from the real world...

She needed to get back to get back to work..so she tried to relax and calm herself down...she couldn't crawl into a corner and mop about someone who never loved her in the first place..

Taking early morning walks, calm and relaxing music blasting in both her ears as she jogged around a very less crowded park with some shades and a hoodie to mask her identity seemed like a temporary refuge..

She sat down on the bench after 5-6 rounds of her quick walks.

She wiped off her sweat with a towel she had carried in her mini bag as she quickly emptied a bottle of water down her throat.

She leaned behind as she lazily stared at the people who walked by... And all she could see was couples..Old age married happy couples...Middle aged couples with their children.. Just couples in general!

Was it Valentine's Day already? or was she seeing what her heart truly yearned for as she had pictured Chris and her holding hands and walking together...whilst they were dating.

The times they spent together were too good and precious to be forgotten.

Her heart felt like she couldn't take it any longer..she felt her heart shattering slowly but heavily..She bit her lip softly suppressing her pain for the millionth time in the past two months.

The insecurity and longing for him hitting her harder every single time.

~ ~ ~

//Last night I lay awake

Stuck on the things we say

And when I close my eyes the first

thing I hear you say is

Put a little love on me

Put a little love//

Falling asleep was almost impossible.. He was already a soft sleeper so he most definitely wouldn't be able to sleep with a heavy head and an empty heart.

Christopher changed into some comfortable outfit as he came out the bathroom freshened up...

He turned off the lights..all apart from the lamp that stood on the night stand. Christopher laid down as he draped the blanket around himself, as he forcefully shut his eyes to gain some well deserved sleep.

But how could he when he was in so much pain he himself couldn't understand the reason for?

His eyes snapped open as he laid down in his bed..he stared at the blank ceiling..

He felt so deprived...Deprived in all ways..physically, mentally and emotionally..He was always frustrated, annoyed and always snappy.

He never intended to damage or yell at everyone but...he was just confused and didn't understand what in the bloody world was he feeling?!?

His heart and mind still was stuck on her...and everything she said...And in a flash he remembers all the beautiful memories she and him had shared together...

"Nena smile!" Chris screams as he clicks another Polaroid as she lets out a surprised yell

"Chris..I wasn't ready!" She pouts sadly

"But mi Amol...You always look beautiful..." Chris says as he wraps his arms around her waist

"Chris you are so cheesy!!" She giggles as he picks her up kissing her nose

"But you love me right?" Chris asks laughing

"Of course you dork!" She says as he kisses her

~ ~ ~

//When the lights come up we're the

only ones dancing//

Y/N absolutely loved dancing.. She'd use any opportunity she could get, she'd drag one of the boys and dance along with them.

Any random song would play and she'd start dancing slowly..urging one of the boys to join...

Richard would volunteer to but Christopher would instantly rush upto her and awkwardly dance next to her.

Her face would instantly brighten up and they'd dance until their feets would give in...They even had an adorable "couple-ish" dance they had devised together.

After they began dating they had begun this sort of unspoken tradition i.e whenever one of them felt sad and didn't want to talk about it..the other would play soft, calm and a sad melody and slowly walk up to the other person and softly begin dancing with them...

"You ready to talk now honey?" Y/N asks as he comfortably rests his head on the crook of her neck as they moved together in sync

"No..not yet..I..I..I jus- -" He begins

"I understand..." She replies interrupting him as his arms wrap securely around her waist "I'm here for you.." She breathes out, Chris's heart clenching at her reassurance as they slowly danced in the silence

Even whether the days were the best or the worst...whether they were the last two people in the world..whether the world hated them..at the end of the day what only mattered was that nothing or no one could change the fact that they were immensely in love with each other, completed each other, accepted and understood each others' flaws and loving them even more...

~ ~ ~

//I look around and you're standing there asking...//

Chris has had enough! Enough of this endless denial. Enough of being in this confused traumatic state he was undergoing right now.

He just couldn't do this anymore..He just likes her so damn much. Her absence was almost driving him insane. As if, he can't live without her.

He misses sleeping and cuddling along with her..his strong arms wrapping around her petite figure as their breathing synced...

The stolen kisses before any stage performances, random make outs in the middle of nowhere, passionate kisses and just soft pecks..Christopher cherished and wished for all of it back again..all only from her..and her alone...no one else apart from her!

He just wants her beside him..right now..tomorrow and just..forever. He was tired..tired of wasting tears and the unexplained heaviness and yet ironically empty feeling in his heart.

For the first time...He admits. He admits that it was him who was wrong in this relationship.

Admits it was his fault he didn't make her stay. Admits that he was just scared to lose her because she was too precious, amazing and only deserved the best..and he just felt..he wasn't good enough for her.

What if he was good enough for her all the while long? What if he was oblivious to the fact that maybe somewhere after all...Maybe all this while all she wanted was him?

He lied. He lied that he didn't care and it didn't tear him apart to see or rather just merely imagine her in someone's arms...Someone who wasn't him..

Nobody...no one else could compare to how he felt around her..He could never feel whole again without her by his side...his Y/N...She was his all the time..it sounded cheesy and haywire cringy but he didn't care cause that was all he needed was her...

Because at the end of the day he LOVED her...His eyes almost widened at his own shocking confession.

He never thought he'd ever be capable of feeling..not a romanticized sort of feeling...He never thought he could love someone like this..

His eyes swelled up with tears..yet again..for the first time today..honest and non stop tears.

Christopher choked on his own tears as they carelessly fell down as if endless..the ache in his heart worsening with every harsh sob..only this time..they weren't suppressed. He let it out...all of it out..he couldn't bottle up his pain any second longer!

She wasn't coming back...She just wasn't...and there was nothing he could do about it...no tears could bring her back...she was just gone.

"Chris..." he heard a voice barely above a whisper

God...he was going insane...second by second...He was hallucinating. He could almost hear her melodious voice..the way his name slipped out of her tongue..But why couldn't he believe it? Maybe because it wasn't practical enough..something so artificial yet felt real at the same time.

His vision was blurry as he let out painful tears as his breath shorten with every harsh sob...

And all of a sudden, he feels something physical...rather someone hugging him...

"Erick...not now...please leave.." He says, his tone desperate.

"It's not Erick..Wonder Boy..it's me.." the presence replies

Christopher's eyes widened. No one ever called him that except..

He instantly opens his eyes..Brown orbs met (y/e/c). The same orbs he had fallen in love with.. rather the same ones he was still in love with..

"Y/N- -?" Chris asks stuttering in disbelief

Y/N looks at him as her lips curl into a sad grin which was a mixture of all the sadness within her, Her face bearing a heavy, sad emotion...so vulnerable and broken yet she tries to stay strong

"Yes...I know you don't- -" Y/N begins but interrupted as Chris crushed her into a bone breaking hug

"I'm- -I'm sorry babygirl..I really am... It's all my fault...I can afford to live with the fact that I'd never ever sleep with you like that...or not being able to kiss you whenever I need you..but I just need you in my life..as a friend at least...I need you in my life somehow!" Chris stutters as tears fall down

"Chris... I'm sorry too.. It's- -" She begins as Christopher silences her clinging onto her

They didn't need words...nor any sort of explanation or apologies..They sob quietly in each others arms.. but this time the tears are happy. Just each others' mere presence was all they needed.

"J- -just don't- -Just don't leave me..please...Y/N..." He sobbed as he held her close afraid that if he let her go once more.. she'd disappear forever from his life..

He still had so much love hidden beneath him...and he wanted to shower all of it onto her..and her only.

After a while of mere sobs filling the air she pulls away slowly from the hug as she gazed into his eyes, him mirroring her actions. His eyes held so much love within it...and it was all for her..

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says, never looking away from her beautiful orbs

"Put a little love on me" She replies

"You're the only one I need.." Chris says again, his tone certain yet shattered

"So put your love on..me" She breathes out as she places her lips on his with nothing but her undying love and passion she forever held for him.

#put a little love on me #niall horan #christopher velez #richard camacho #zabdiel de jesus #joel pimentel #cute #fluff #x reader

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mollydollyjournals · 4 years ago

Text

Monday 25th January; 156lbs

I didn't check my body composition today. I just stepped on the scales and left my phone in my bedroom, which means it doesn't send info to the app. So I know that I weigh a little less than the other day, but still way too much.

Toilet tmi again. Im still really constipated and it's actually just fucking painful. The biggest issue is it's not that I haven't been eating. I always try to eat reasonably high fiber (compared to my caloric intake anyway - 8-9g fiber a day isn't much for a normal 2000kcal diet, but it is for 800kcal) and if I need more then I have some particularly high fiber stuff like pulses. Fruit and veg is a good way to go. It's been 3-4 days now so I actually have been eating a bit more to try to make it happen, including higher fiber, but still nothing. I took some stimulant lax last night and still nothing. Had yogurt and coffee and still nothing.

I have this pain in my abdomen too. I suspected some internal bleeding last week or the week before so I'm sure something is up. Just I don't know what I should do about it. I don't want to go back to the doctor and ask them to investigate something else again. I think after my liver scan and blood tests came up fine they'll think I'm lying or exaggerating. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Is it an impaction? Do I have something constructing my intestines? An ulcer? I have really bad acid reflux too. It's like my digestive system is too full and it's just not emptying. My waist feels huge. It makes me actually scared to eat for physical reasons, because if it's not stimulating my gut to move like it should be, then all I'm doing is putting more pressure on my insides.

I'm currently drinking some osmotic lax, which is all I can do. It's what you're supposed to do for impaction. I bought it specifically because I've had these problems before and you're not meant to take stimulant lax, and sometimes it'll resolve itself but it can still be painful and also it'll take longer. Osmotic lax doesn't work fast though - you have to give it a few days. During those few days I'm just reabsorbing waste matter from my intestines. Its disgusting and unhealthy. And when it finally does work, I might have the opposite problem. In the past I've been reluctant to take lax for this because I've had instances where it acted kind of like...a plug. That once it's passed, everything else goes way too fast after it. Sorry that's gross. I guess if anyone wanted more motivation to eat properly it's so your digestive system doesn't get fucked up like this. I noticed a lot of mucus not long ago so maybe the regular mucus layer got stripped and hasn't replenished. Idk.

Other than that there is family drama happening with my brother who is currently in a psych ward and my stupid mother who thinks the sun shines directly out of his anus. My entire life she's treated him like her precious baby and I've just been secondary. Maybe because she associated him with my older brother who died. Who fucking knows. But they're stressing me the fuck out and pissing me off. I keep telling her what to do and what not to do, which I get from trying to properly research his conditions and others similar and from having dealt with her when she was in a psychotic episode, and she just doesn't. She thinks if she just talks nice and loves him enough he'll get better. As if that isn't the whole reason he's a spoiled piece of shit who thought he could take all the drugs with no consequences. This probably sounds very hypocritical from an alcoholic who has trouble not drinking even after physical health problems, but there's much more to it in my brother's case that I cba to go into.

The worst part is she gives him all the attention and understanding that I want and haven't had. I've spent the last few days feeling especially lonely and invisible. I've been talking about it a bit on social media and only a couple of friends responded. Hb came up to my room and saw me crying and basically acted like an awkward dad. Bf hasn't acknowledged much of what I've posted and we still haven't spoken directly. If not for those few friends I might have done something drastic. I don't know. I need to know if I'm actually liked loved and cared for. Missed at all. Lockdown has fucked with it so much and I already had trouble with it. I feel like I need to do something big to get attention. I could just be honest about my feeling like I want to kill myself and see who responds. But I've spoken about it before and people just kind of 'haha same' if that. I don't know if they realise that I'm genuinely close to doing something, or just don't care.

I do have borderline personality disorder and I'm so aware of the stigma. I don't want to be manipulative or abusive. I want people to want to be around me, not because I forced them. I'm so scared of being needy or annoying or overbearing or anything like that. And then if I do say something, I'm already feeling really bad and struggling a lot, so for it to be ignored hurts so much. That's why I end up drinking. I already have trouble seeing my friends post about their struggles and get so much support and love offered, when I get barely any. One of my best friends also has BPD but also everyone loves her. She has a successful small business doing what she loves, if I go anywhere with her strangers stop her and compliment her or ask to take her photo but pretend I don't exist or give me a passing smile. It's not that I don't think she deserves those things or love and support. It's just that I want it too. She's one of the few people who's reached out to me recently and I really appreciate it. I guess she knows how it feels. I just wish I wasn't so jealous.

So for my brother to start saying stuff in the family group chat and my mum to just start fawning over him and all that? Just the extra salt I really didn't need in my wounds. For one thing, I told her not to play into how he is because he'll feed off the drama. I know this because of who he is, that he really is an attention seeker, and that all 3 of us have a tendency to get caught up in things. My brother and I inherit our cluster B personality traits from her. I told her not to get into it and remain impartial. She didn't. I even messaged her and my dad separately and told them that I called the hospital and asked them to check on my brother, but she hasn't given me so much as a thank you.

She's up early for work and I sleep on Mars time, so my dad is still asleep. He'll probably say something when he gets up in a few hours. It all feels backwards. He was so abusive to me growing up. He was unnecessarily strict and horrible to me all the time and kicked me out and disowned me regularly. He tore down my entire sense of self and called me stupid and made sure I realised that if I wasn't doing well it was my own fault and I wasn't trying hard enough. But now he keeps a level head and we reconnected after years of not talking because my brother and mum both had a psychotic episode at the same time a few years ago. I hated him so much but now his approval and support is worth the most. But it's the same problem again - he seems to genuinely realise now that his overly authoritarian parenting was wrong. It's just how it is in a lot of African cultures, and his father was especially abusive, so he wasn't well equipped. He's doing things differently with my younger half brother. But why couldn't it have been me? Why didn't I get to have a nice dad who acknowledges his humanity? My half brother deserves it, but why couldn't I have that while I was growing up too?

It just makes me feel really abandoned. In every situation, there's always someone else who gets what I want, and I don't. I hate my brother so much. I feel like it'd be better if he was dead. But then my mum would spiral, and I'm not really that cold, so I phoned the hospital to talk to them and get them to check on him. Phone calls make me so nervous. I was shaking. Before the call, while I made the call, and for a long time afterwards. I didn't even get acknowledged.

I want a drink.

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fangirlingtodeath513 · 5 years ago

Text

Plans | a 15x09 coda

The monster isn’t exactly subtle. Dean can hear his heavy footfalls after only a few steps, and a particularly loud twig cracking as he steps on it. Still, they could use a hand finding this blossom thing, so he glances at Cas and cocks an eyebrow. Something’s following us, he prays, knowing that Castiel will pick up on it. The angel gives a subtle nod and continues walking.

They’ve found a way to communicate almost silently after all these years and all the hunts they’ve done together. It’s scary how aligned their thoughts are sometimes, but in situations like this, it sure does come in handy. Castiel’s nod here conveys both his acknowledgment of Dean’s prayer and his decision to keep walking until the monster makes its move. So they do. The wander through Purgatory for another half an hour before Dean stoops to look at a corpse and the monster—a Leviathan, they learn—makes his move. A poor move, on his part, though maybe he doesn’t know who he’s dealing with.

Trusting him is dangerous, but it’s really the only choice they have. Albeit reluctantly, he and Cas follow him. And, of course, it backfires, because that’s just their luck. Nothing can ever just be easy for them. At least, that’s what Dean thinks before he blacks out.

Seeing Dean hit the ground like that sends a wince through Castiel, even though it’s been a long time since he’s experienced human pain like that. Regardless, Dean will be fine, it’s the Leviathan and the blossoms they need to worry about. They’d tipped their hand when telling the Leviathan about their need for a blossom, so Castiel has no doubt their first move will be to destroy every blossom in sight.

He’s right. He’s rooted to the spot watching in nothing short of agony as the Leviathan smirks at him and destroys every single blossom, circling the area three times to make sure they’re all gone. There goes their last chance of bringing Chuck down.

A crowd of more Leviathans—five, at Castiel’s count—emerge from the woods and sneer at him. His eyes dart to Dean, injured and helpless where he’s sprawled on the ground, and he doesn’t even put up a fight. No matter the grudge Eve may hold against Dean, she’s far more interested in Castiel, so he goes along willingly. Maybe he’ll get lucky and find a blossom along the way, though his hopes aren’t high for that.

They walk for what feels like hours, and it may very well be hours. Purgatory is huge and dense and Castiel still has nightmares about the place, about hearing Dean’s voice in his head every night, begging to be reunited when Castiel knew the moment they were would be the moment Dean was in danger again.

He shakes those thoughts from his head as a Leviathan pushes him forward, making him stumble for a moment before he recovers. He needs to concentrate, he can’t worry about Dean right now.

He gets his opportunity a ways into their march. The Leviathan don’t have someone walking behind him, which is their first mistake. He darts off the path and plucks a blossom from the shadow of a tree, tucking it safely in a chest pocket, hidden away carefully. Then he attacks. The first two Leviathan go down easy, heads severed with the machete he’d managed to stow away when they weren’t looking. It won’t stop them, but it’ll knock them out of operation long enough for him to get away.

One of them attacks him from behind, which knocks his few precious seconds of escape down to nothing. Frustrating as it is, he still needs to find a way to escape, so he fights. He was trained for this, he knows how to fight until he gets his opportunity.

Sure enough, two of the Leviathan scamper off and he gets his chance to behead one and smash another in the nose with the butt of his machete, grabbing the small bottle of bleach from his pocket and throwing it in the face of the third. It gives him enough of a distraction to run for it, ducking behind a tree close by and holding his breath. They walk right by him and he breathes a sigh of relief before heading in the other direction.

It takes him a while to get back in the direction he needs to go, and then he lets his mind wander again. He’s got the chance, he might as well. Purgatory’s brought up a lot of feelings he’d been determined to shove down, maybe he should try to do something with them while he’s got the time.

Cas, I hope you can hear me. That wherever you are, it’s not too late.

It doesn’t register for a moment. He’d heard Dean’s voice in his head every single day he was in this place, so initially, he writes it off as a memory this godforsaken place pulled out. Except then it keeps going, and it’s not a prayer he’s heard before.

I should’ve stopped you. A pause. A shaky breath that makes Cas’s heart ache. You’re my best friend but I just let you go. Another pause, another shaky breath. Cause that was easier than admitting I was wrong. A deep breath, a wet chuckle. Then it goes quiet for longer than Castiel cares for. He wonders if Dean got ambushed. Then there’s a quiet sniff and his voice returns. I-I don’t know why I get so angry. I just, I know that it’s-it’s just always been there. A deep, shaking breath that breaks off into something that resembles a sob. It makes Castiel’s heart clench in his chest and he leans against a nearby tree to focus fully on the prayer. And when things go bad, it just, it comes out. And I-I can’t stop it. No matter how… how bad I want to, I just can’t stop it. He can practically hear the tears he instinctively knows are sliding down Dean’s cheeks right now. He’d give anything to fly to him and tell him he’s forgiven, because of course he is. And I-I forgive you, of course I forgive you. I’m sorry it took me so long to— Dean cuts himself off with a sniffle and Cas thinks he hears a twig snap nearby, but he doesn’t see anything. Still, he forces himself away from the tree and continues moving, back in the direction of the rift. I’m sorry it took me til now to say it. Cas, I’m so sorry.

A quick look over his shoulder shows him that he’s not being followed, and he’s near the portal. Dean isn’t here, he can feel that Dean’s not nearby, so he curls up against a tree and listens to the rest of Dean’s prayer. Man, I hope you can hear me. It’s more of a sob than an actual sentence and it breaks Castiel’s heart. He hopes Dean makes it here in time. He doesn’t have the countdown on his phone, so he has no idea how long they have before this rift closes and traps them in Purgatory again. I hope you can hear me. He hears a few more sniffles and a soft, okay and then Dean’s voice is gone from his head. He gives the blossom a quick check—smushed, but still intact—and leans his head back against the tree. All he can do now is wait and hope.

Watching them walk out of Purgatory is a sight to behold, without any of the fuss of last time around. He expects the portal to close behind them, but then it doesn’t. He keeps watching, mostly from a mix of curiosity and protectiveness, until he sees a group of Leviathan approaching it. No way in hell is he letting those things out into Dean’s world. He doesn’t even think twice before emerging from behind his tree and beheading the one closest to the rift. The other two stare at him in disbelief, even as their friend’s head reconnects to his body. It’s still disgusting to this day, at least in his opinion. Leviathan are truly gross.

“No,” one says, a short blond with wide eyes. “You’re dead, Eve told us.”

He smirks. Of course she’d tell them that. He’s her biggest threat and he’s closing in on her. She doesn’t have much time left. “Sounds like your dear ol’ mama lied to y’all. Now, you gonna scamper off back to whatever hole you crawled out of, or do I need to disconnect your heads? Permanently?”

All three sets of eyes dart to the portal he’s currently standing in front of. For a moment, he thinks they’re going to make a run for it, but they don’t. They give him one last look before they turn around and head back the way they came.

He guards the portal and thank god he does because apparently everyone and their mother knows about it. He fends off hordes of vampires and werewolves and even a couple of djinn.

“Well, well, well. Benny Lafitte, as I live and breathe. I thought you were dead.”

Benny rolls his eyes and rests his blade on his shoulder. “Gordon. I’d say it’s a pleasure to see ya again, but I’d be lyin’.”

Gordon smirks. “Why don’t you step aside, brother? I don’t belong here.”

Benny snorts. “Man, out of everyone here, you’re the one that deserves to be here the most. You’re gettin’ through that portal over my dead body.”

“Well, it’s your funeral.”

Gordon’s all uncoordinated rage and Benny has him on the ground in less than thirty seconds. Apparently, he ain’t keen to give up that quickly, his leg sweeping out to knock Benny on his feet. He rolls away from Gordon’s next kick, which only serves to infuriate the man further. Gordon’s on him is less than a second, knocking him backward and straight through the stupid portal. He jumps to his feet, ready to fight Gordon back into Purgatory, but he doesn’t get the chance. He watches, helpless, as the portal back to Purgatory blinks out of existence.

Great. Now he’s stuck here, the exact place he didn’t want to be. Guess not showing himself to Dean and Castiel didn’t really make a difference, he ended up here anyway.

The Empty is an infuriatingly boring realm. There’s nothing but blackness for as far as Jack’s eyes can see. He’s been so bored here ever since Billie left. He has no way to tell how much time has passed, nor a way to avoid sitting there and thinking about every bad thing he’s ever done. Is this how humans feel when they’re alone? It’s… disorienting.

Still, Billie had told him he had an important role yet to play, so he waits.

And waits.

He feels the shift in the air the moment it happens. Even in this void, he can still feel the powerful shifts in the atmosphere whenever Billie or the Shadow are around.

“It’s time.”

Jack turns to face her slowly, tilting his head. “Time for what?”

Billie smiles. “The End,” she replies simply, holding out her hand.

Jack looks at it for a moment. He’s not entirely sure where she’ll take him, but she’s assured him that she’s on the side of universal balance, which is currently against Chuck. She’s probably their best chance of saving the world from him.

Decision made, he takes a step forward and takes her hand, letting her pull him from the darkness.

#destiel #destiel fanfic #15x09 coda #15x09 #supernatural #spn spoilers #my writing

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razorblade180 · 5 years ago

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Rosebud prep 2

Tai:......

Ruby:*nervous* Help me please?

Tai:Okay let’s take a step back for a moment. How exactly did this happen?

Ruby:Well Jaune came home with paint for a new house because the color it currently is shameful. I was cooking when I saw him and was like “how was your day” then he was like “better now that you’re in front of me.” I’m a fool for cheesy lines like that and next thing I know we’re kissing and- *mouth covered*

Tai:Sweetie, I know how kids are made. What I’m asking you is how do you go a month and not tell your husband that you’re pregnant?

Ruby:Raven showed up randomly and gave you Yang dad.

Tai:That’s fair but here’s a counter point. You’re not a bandit with life issues. So can we stop beading around the bush and tell me why you’re actually worked up? Does he not want kids?

Ruby:Jaune would love to have a kid no question about it. The problem is me and having this kid....

Tai:*Eyes widened* Please tell me that is Jaune’s kid right?

Ruby:Of course it’s his! The problem is I don’t think I want- *takes a breath* I don’t know if I want to have a kid....

Tai:Oh......that’s uh, that’s so really heavy stuff.

Ruby:*sits down and covers her face* You’re telling me.

Tai:*sits next to her* I’ll be honest Ruby, didn’t expect to ever have a conversation like this. Doesn’t mean I won’t give it my best shot though.

Ruby:*looks at him* I feel horrible thinking about this. Like I’m being selfish on a whole new level.

Tai:Well do you know what brought this feeling on.

Ruby:......I’ve done nothing but focus on wanting to be the greatest huntress Remnant has ever seen. Salem is gone and things more peaceful than they’ve ever been. Over the last couple of years I’ve been the best version of myself I’ve ever been; clearing entire mission board like nothing. Honing my skills to the max, saving countless times, and finally getting making a name for myself solo. Maria said at this rate I’d be more known then the Grimm Reaper ever was. My dream has never felt so close before.

Tai:And having a kid now makes you scared that you’ll let it slip by.

Ruby:I’m in my prime dad; peak physical condition. Going through pregnancy and then having to worry about the kid constantly. That alone will limit how many missions I could take; not to mention I’ve spent my life learning how to be a huntress. I don’t know the first thing about being a mom. *holds her head down*

Tai:First things first, I need you to know that there is nothing wrong with you wanting to prioritize your work right now. After all you’re only in your twenties.

Ruby:But....?

Tai:No buts, I do however think there’s more to this problem you’re not telling me.

Ruby:It’s Jaune, I can’t just decide something that huge without telling him. My heart wouldn’t be able to handle keeping such a secret from him.

Tai:But if you tell him you’re pregnant he’s gonna be thrilled. You’re afraid of telling him you might not want to have it.

Ruby:He’d be devastated without question. I know he’ll always support my decisions but I also know he would silently be hurting inside. There’s no way I want to hurt him like that; we made vows to take on any adventure together. Didn’t think this one would come so soon.

Tai:Days like these really make me cherish the fact I had two wives. I actually do have a similar story to this situation. It involves your mother.

Ruby:Mom? Wait did she not-

Tai:Oh she definitely wanted you. I would not drop a bomb on you like that.

Ruby:So....what’s the story?

Tai:When Summer and I first started getting serious the first thing we discussed had to be kids. After all, Yang was already apart of the picture and frankly that was enough for me.

Ruby:*eyes widened* You didn’t want more?

Tai:I know how that seems but bare with me here. Everything that happened with Raven left a bad taste in my mouth. I loved Yang but father hood was really rough at start; I couldn’t imagine extending it. So I told Summer that I wasn’t really trying make the family bigger. I’m sorry.

Ruby:It’s okay it’s just.....that’s something I wasn’t expecting. It makes sense though. How did she respond to that?

Tai:Not too bad actually. Obviously she had a completely different stance on it and that caused a little dispute for about a week or two. Honestly I thought it was going to ruin our relationship. Until the last time she brought it up that is.

Ruby:What happened?

Tai:One day out of nowhere she marched straight up towards me and said “I love you unconditionally Taiyang but I don’t think you’re looking at this situation like you should. Did you ever wonder about the good times at all!?”

Ruby:Good times?

Tai:All the good things that would happen if we had a kid. “If you truly can’t imagine anything irreplaceable out of it, then I’ll never bring it up again.” Ruby do me a favor and close your eyes.

Ruby:*closes them* Okay.....

Tai:Think of nothing but you, Jaune, and that baby. It took hours for you to give birth and it’s extremely painful, yet all that goes numb when you hear your child cry for the first time. Jaune is by your side smiling with tears in his eyes as the doctor hands you new life that you two created.

Ruby:......

Tai:Nights are hard because every moment you doze off the baby cries so you gotta rush into action. Somehow though there’s a few moments where instead of focusing on the exhaustion you are too busy staring into its eyes after it finally calms down. Next thing you know you’ve been rocking the kid for an hour mesmerized.

Ruby:*fidgeting with her hands*

Tai:A Normal day becomes surprising when suddenly you hear your name come from a familiar but new voice for the first time. Or seeing someone who you used to have to walk to finally walk back with open arms. You and Jaune couldn’t be more proud. Tests, hugs, injures, tooth fairy, cooking, birthday, swimming, fighting, loving, crying, their wedding...... all unique moments with potential to be remembered for a life time. To bring smiles to everyone’s face on more than one occasion. It definitely comes with hardships though. The question is, do you think you will be okay missing out on all those chances?

Her father knew how to paint a vivid picture. She could practically see every conceivable reaction Jaune would have; the ones she would have. Was she okay just leaving them as they were; just thoughts in her head? Even if the decision was to have kids later would they still be able to truly have those same moments. Of course not, the kid would be different. There would be no way to tell how different; forever they would wonder just exactly how it could’ve been different. Subconsciously her hand drifts to her stomach and all the thoughts racing through her head keep leading down the same path.

Ruby:One question, do you ever wonder what would happen if you didn’t change your mind? Like what if you missed an opportunity all because you had to attend my birth, or stay at home because I was sick? How do you know this is the best version of you.

Tai:Ruby, if I learned right now that I could’ve been richer and world renowned if I did not have you, I wouldn’t care. Every experience I got from being with you will always be worth it; good and bad. Nothing on this planet would ever change that.

Ruby:*opens her eyes*.......Dad?

Tai:What’s up?

Ruby:I hope I’m half the parent you are.

Tears and a giant grin are worn proudly across her face.

Ruby:I can’t believe I’m having a baby.

Tai:*hugs her* made your decision that quick huh? I knew you would; I was the same.

Ruby:Quick? I’ve been thinking for an entire month. How am I gonna explain this to Jaune?

Tai:You had a lot of your mind and it was scary. He’ll understand that simple enough.

Ruby:Well, I guess there’s no point in wasting more time. Let’s go tell him the good news.

#rwby #ruby rose #taiyang xiao long #rwby lancaster #rwby rosebud

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thegreenfairy13 · 5 years ago

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No Country For Heroes (7)

Originally a Gobblepot one-shot written for the prompt ‘beg’ by the wonderful @justsimplymeagain this turned into a full story.

Plot: the GCPD turns Jim in for Oswald’s protection. He vows to make Jim love him by using Strange’s brainwashing device.

Warning for mature content. You can read the full piece here on Ao3.

Jim can feel his sanity dissipating. Everything is on fire. Molten sand turns into glass, turns into sand once more. She, Gotham, is crumbling before his eyes, shattering like glass. Glass used to be sand. He feels it in the back of his mouth, that taste of saffron and oranges.

He’s happy.

Jim laughs. Everything is yellow and red, burning down before his eyes, the entire skyline is made of glass as his father drives him through the night.

He’s without a care in the world.

Long, elegant fingers around the steering wheel, the flash of a blade, a purple ring on his little finger.

He has never been safer.

He’ll never be safe again.

Why do you want to be a hero?

Jim knows the voice but he can’t place it.

His father taught him to be a good man, to put everyone else before him. When he’s gone, his mother will kneel down before him, ask him to be the man his father used to be, just better.

It’s what he was always supposed to be: better.

His father had been incorruptible, honest, just. He would have never made a deal with the mob, would have never allowed for this city to taint him - unlike his son.

His son had been weak, fallible, corrupt. When the situation called for it, he’d team up with the mob and forget where he came from.

The shame is burning through him like the remnants of this city.

Jim blinks, and the light is gone. What is left is the silvery glow of a blade in pale moonlight. The Don picks it up, cuts deep into his own palm until the blood oozes out, takes his father’s outstretched hand, does the same on him, and presses their hands together.

The mobster smirks. He’s Don Falcone, Jim knows, but he’s wearing the Penguin’s face.

I offered you my hand so often. He sounds solemn and Jim nods in return.

He always wanted to be like his father. He should just have taken that darn hand.

Tell me, did this city get better? The voice becomes more urgent, pressing.

Jim can only shake his head as they drive past the police station. He takes a look at the ground, presses his fingers into his ears to block out the screams. People are starving in the streets, and it was his doing.

“I never wanted this,” Jim manages, huge, terrified eyes trained on the Penguin, Oswald.

“I know,” he replies, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Everything Jim ever did lead to the bridges collapsing, to the city getting engulfed in chaos.

“I just wanted to get rid of the corruption, to cut it out,” he tells him honestly.

Oswald sighs. He understands.

In any other city but Gotham, he might have succeeded. What he didn’t understand, though, was how the mob had been protecting her in its own rights. Jim could not have known that the citizens’ tribute to the gangsters kept a greater darkness, a more dangerous madness, at bay.

He can see it now. None of this would have happened with a strong leader uniting them all against someone like Jerome, someone who only seeks chaos.

Jim arrives in Gotham. It’s his first day, he’s full of hope, idealistic. He swears never to mistreat a suspect, calls anyone and everyone out all the time. He wants to be an example of the change he hopes to bring to the city.

It doesn’t even take 40 days for him to break his rules.

And he keeps tearing through this city, shaking up the old order, sowing destruction.

He goes to Oswald, asks for help, once, twice, twenty times. Keeps telling himself this will be the last time, that after this, he’ll be good again, stick to the rules. It’s everything for the greater good.

And he does save them, doesn’t he? It keeps getting better, doesn’t it?

It doesn’t.

In the beginning, he would fight psychopaths and dangerous murderers. In the end, he’s up against shadow-societies and genetically enhanced monsters. The women coming too close too him lose their minds, his baby-girl pays the ultimate price.

This wouldn’t have happened with you at my side.

There’s this whisper again. Yet it’s more than a slight buzz in his ear anymore. It’s a wild roar, a desperate scream, and Jim can’t unhear it any longer.

It’s true, though. He had always been better with Oswald at his side, the city had been more stable, they had been safe.

And there had always been that goddamn attraction. This pull, this need to get into Oswald’s hair again, to be close to him, ask for his advice, team up with him. He’d been under his skin from that day on the pier on.

He could never merely leave him be, tried cutting ties with him more than once, and only ended up facing him once more. And when it all became too much, he looked for another gangster to replace the old one, went back to the Falcone’s, fought fire with fire, only to get burnt.

Giving in would have been so much easier.

Jim looks up at his father still driving the car. “I want to be like you when I grow up,” he tells him seconds before the crash.

This time, the pain in Jim’s head is pure agony. He spasms in his seat, mouth opening in a silent scream. His entire body is on fire, there’s not a single cell in his body left that doesn’t beg for it all to fade, to just go away, for him to finally give in.

Jim can’t do this anymore.

He’d rip the flesh from his arms, thinking in his delusion that if he could only shed his skin, the pain would become tolerable again.

Oswald studies him calmly while he flails helplessly. There’s not a single emotion on his face other than serene calm.

“Mercy,” Jim thinks, or asks, or demands. He can’t tell. Mercy, mercy, mercy.

He knows without a single doubt in his mind that he won’t endure another session. He’ll either turn insane or give in to anything Oswald demands. He’s the only salvation, the only absolution left, and if he demands his entire being, he’ll hand it other gladly - if the pain just stops.

The other man purses his lips tightly, taps the apparatus with his cane. “Did you know it’s not this machine itself that’s causing the pain?” he asks conversationally.

Jim couldn’t care less.

“It’s the depth of the emotion,” he elaborates, arching a curious eyebrow at the miserable detective. “The deeper the guilt, the sadness, the regret - well, you get my point, the heavier the impact. I’ve learned more and more about this machinery every day now that Strange is here,” he carries on as he walks up to Jim. “Well, was,” he corrects himself with a sly smile that causes a shiver to run down Jim’s spine.

He leans down, places his hands on Jim’s thighs, putting his entire weight on the exhausted man in the process. Pressing their heads together, he inhales deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. “So sorry it had to come to this for you to see,” he mumbles, voice unsteady and hoarse. “If you had only accepted my generous offer when you had the chance…”

Oswald bites his inner cheek, takes a step back, and with his retreat, the distraction from the pain is gone, too. Jim prays his goons will untie him soon, take him back to his room, granting him some much-needed rest.

Jim craves the warmth to return.

It seems like the Penguin has other plans for him. “You’d think with Strange gone, I’d have found some peace, some sense of closure.” He inhales deeply, chews his lower lip as he struggles to draw breath. “Jim, it doesn’t help,” he confesses brokenly. “Shouldn’t I be better now?” he asks, shoulders slumping.

The detective can’t answer, still too caught up in his own pain and thoughts. Oswald doesn’t pay him much thought though.

“Edward is back,” he then informs Jim. To the cop, this comes out of nowhere, leaves him confused and unsure if or how to respond. It’s wrong, he thinks, with something akin to jealousy, that he’d put him through all this misery only to talk about his ex now. It’s maybe the worst, yet, not even being worth some acknowledgment when the Penguin has just gone through his memory. It’s so painful he doesn’t even note he confessed another murder, wouldn’t care if he did.

“It hurts,” Jim finally blurts out, petulantly.

That grabs the gangster’s attention, has him finally tending to the cop in his possession. He picks half-heartedly at the bindings, steadies Jim when he almost tips over, once the support is gone.

“I thought I would have no need for you once he’s back,” he grumbles angrily as he helps Jim laying down on the cold ground. It’s worse down there, but the touch steadies him, keeps him tied to reality, even when he feels just a push could force him to trip over.

He’d be lost in his own mind then, alone with his demons.

The cop’s heart aches in his chest at the revelation. Could it be true? Or is this just Oswald telling him he’s no longer of use, about to get disposed of, like a broken toy he’s grown tired of? It’s not fair, not now, not like this.

The emotion must have been visible, for Oswald hurries to elaborate.

“We’re working well together, always have,” his voice breaks off as he looks at anything but at Jim. “For now,” he adds. Sitting down on the floor beside the blonde, he takes his hand, entwining their fingers. “I…” he pauses, draws up his shoulders.

When he blushes, his freckles become visible under all that make-up he’s hiding his face under. Jim stares at his nose, starts counting. It’s such a soothingly simple task.

“I want something that lasts,” he admits then, putting Jim’s hand in his lap. “Edward and I...we’re not meant for the long-run. We’ll work together, betray each other, and rewind,” he muses. Turning his gaze back at the man beside him, eyes glistening with unshed tears, he asks, “don’t I deserve that? Don’t I deserve a man I could have introduced to my mother?”

And something in the cop breaks.

“Your mother is dead,” Jim snaps back. It’s once more not his smartest move, yet it seems he’s entirely unable to be even slightly diplomatic around the kingpin. The answer is drawn from pain, hurt pride, resentment, and humiliation.

Oswald’s face hardens. If Jim wasn’t so exhausted, he would have felt the familiar spark of fear.

“She is,” he deadpans.

And because his mother has always been a sore spot, Jim can’t help but needle the mobster. “She would have been proud,” he spits sarcastically, even if each word hurts so much his vision becomes blurry. “For her son to maim and torture.”

Oswald gasps, appalled, but doesn’t contradict, just keeps worrying his lower lip.

“She did never know, did she?” he pants. Oswald squeezes his hand in return.

“No,” he finally admits. “I never told her who I really was. And I think she chose to ignore it.” Pursing his lips, the gangster glowers at the man in his possession.

“You could stop that you know,” Jim suggests, gathering his last remnants of hope. “Be the man she saw in you. The man I sometimes saw in you, too.”

That last sentence catches the Penguin’s attention, has him turning his head in silent wonder. He sways, opens his mouth. Oswald mulls the words over in his head, he must know though, what Jim subconsciously thinks of him, how he struggles himself.

“That man died with her,” he says, at last, shattering Jim’s tiny bit of optimism.

Closing his eyes, the detective exhales. “If that is true, my friendship wouldn’t have made a difference either.”

“Perhaps,” Oswald shrugs. “Perhaps not.”

Jim notes his hands are trembling.

“I won’t make it through another round,” he tells him at last, lacing his fingers with Oswald’s tightly.

“I know.” His voice is so soft, barely a whisper.

Jim struggles to get the next words out, finally admitting to his failure. “I’m terrified,” he tells him between the tears. “I have made mistakes. I have wronged you,” he admits, hoping Oswald will understand that he means it, that, if given the chance, he would start over, do things differently. Maybe.

“But please don’t erase who I am,” he begs. Rolling over despite the pain, he faces Oswald. He’s already on the ground, struggles to get up so he can kneel. He’s at his breaking point, will grovel now, if Oswald insists.

He gently holds him down.

“t doesn’t hurt once it’s done,” he informs Jim. And that is even more terrifying, the prospect of bliss once he isn’t who he used to be.

He almost tried committing suicide on several occasions, prayed for a bullet to crack his skull open, to tear his lungs out. Jim would embrace death gladly if it came to him now. But this? Turning into something entirely else? It’s worse than death, fills him with a dread he hasn’t got words for.

“Why did you love me though?” he needs to know. What caused Oswald to love him so much it turned into such fierce hatred he must wipe it out?

Jim doesn’t note when the other man starts weeping beside him. But now he hears the desperate, choked hiccups.

“I don’t know,” he sobs. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” he keeps repeating over and over again. “Maybe I just saw what you could have been - and it was beautiful.”

The words hit Jim with the force of a thunderstorm, they are a revelation, and an explanation for his own confusing feelings, make so much sense after everything he’s been through.

Despite everything, he can’t help but admit that Oswald had potential, still has.

He makes it onto his knees, begs for real, this time.

“Then sleep with me,” he pleads.

“What?” shocked, the mobster scrambles to get up, but Jim holds onto his ankle, stops him from retreating.

“Have sex with me,” he urges, clarifies. “If you want me so desperately, have me as long as I’m still me.”

Jim is almost certain his words will be rewarded with a kick, with Oswald’s retreat at best, more pain at worst, but he’s merely met with silence.

He doesn’t dare to look up, stares at the shiny tip of a perfectly polished shoe. The reflection he finds there is horrifying, a hollowed, sunken face, huge, frenzied eyes.

Jim doesn’t expect the pair of lips crashing against his at all, or the wet slide of a tongue. He opens his mouth willingly for Oswald, returns the embrace as if his life depended on it, mirrors the needy sounds with vigor, clings to him even as he passes out, praying he’ll never wake again.

#gobblepot #fanfiction #dark!Oswald #whump

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hobiheavenly · 6 years ago

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AFTER THE SUNRISE

☼ Pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader

☼ Summary: you decided to play a prank on Hoseok since he called you undesirable, but were his claims actually true or is there something else hiding under the dancing man’s fascade?

☼ Word count: 4.6K

☼ Warning: fingering, cunnilingus (male receiving), slight dirty talk, penetration, cream pie, Hoseok’s huge dick and dancing hips

☼ A/N: ITS FINALLY HERE! I’m sorry to have kept all you waiting but finally I got this out of me. i swear I had the most horrible writers block but I hope this turns out for the better! Please let me know what you think! And as always I haven’t edited anything lol what else is new?

The sun was shining in Hoseok’s face. Normally he was usually a morning person but never after a party. He stretched out of the covers but then suddenly felt he wasn’t alone. He reared his head and his face lost all color. Oh no… he had really done it this time. I mean out of all the silly things he could have done, he truly fucked up this time. There you were lying in his bed. Looking under the blankets he confirmed his biggest fear….he was naked. And judging by the looks of the environment, a trail of clothes from the door to the bed, you both had sex. Hoseok went full panic mode as you slept peacefully naked underneath the covers. What even happened last night?

“Think Hoseok, think!!” he thought to himself. What DID he even do last night? All he remembered was going to Seokjin’s party and getting wasted after the dance battle he had with you and dancing with many girls, but in no moment had he gotten close to you….did he?

He remembered seeing you in that cute black ensemble and dancing with that pretty boy who had his hands all over you. That only made him just want to grab you and mess you up till you forgot all about that other guy. Sure he didn’t well like you but he couldn’t deny himself being attracted to you. But even if that were the case….at what point did he even get together with you?

You rolled over to put a hand on his chest, starting to hug him and pull closer to him. As you sighed in bliss, Hoseok looked at you as if you were an alien of another planet. SINCE WHEN DO YOU HUG HIM? WHY ARE YOU NAKED? There were a million questions in his mind he was bound to short circuit. In his jumbled mess of thoughts he knew one thing was certain. It would have seemed that you both had made love all night long. But it also seemed Jung Hoseok didn't have any memory of the incident whatsoever.

Now he had to face the consequences.

Slowly you opened your eyes and smiled as you kissed his cheek.

“Good morning” you said, smile so soft and warm. it was such a contrast to your regular serious face you greeted him with the exception of the occasional small smile popping in his direction.

“Uh, good morning Y/N”

“Y/N? why so formal? What happened with calling me “babygirl”? I mean that’s what you’ve been calling me all night” you stretched a little like a kitten waking up from a nap, a little bit of the sheet slipping down revealing your cleavage.

Whoa, were your tits always this good looking?

“Y/N… I mean Baby, what happened last night?”

“You mean you don't remember? I mean after doing it four times I thought for sure you wouldn't forget”, you give a flirty wink.

Hoseok was in total shock. FOUR TIMES! He knew he was a good lover, but for heaven's sake that was too much on a drunken night.

“All I remember is going to a party with Seokjin and drinking a couple of drinks, and then everything goes blank.”

You smiled and blushed. It was as if you both shared a secret but unfortunately he wasn’t able to recall at all “Oh that was some party last night. Especially the one you and I had here. I mean for a man who claims he doesn’t desire me you couldn’t keep your hands off of me” you looked down and traced circles in his chest while the hue of your cheeks went a little more red “Even when it's my first time without a condom it still was incredible!”

HOLY SHIT! He had fucked you without a wrapper. If he was feeling bad before for doing this the fact that you had entrusted him to fuck you without a condom made him feel even crappier. Jung Hoseok was many things in this life but he was a gentleman first and foremost and he would never fuck without a condom, especially on the first go. But how do you tell a girl who is over the moon about your sexual prowess that you remembered nothing?

“Y/N, I'm sorry but last night was a mistake.”

Bad start. He knew better than to start with the M word just as you were happy about this. You started forming the cutest pout with a splash of sadness coming from your eyes. It would be a lie to say he didn’t crave to kiss your lips and take away that sad expression. But no, this is time to focus.

“What do you mean a mistake? You were the one who actually begged me to do it. I was saying no, but you kept insisting.”

Hoseok sat up and took his hair off his face. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. This must be wrong, he would never beg a girl to have sex with him. "Ok calm down Hoseok I'm sure you must be dreaming. Y/N isn't here and you are just dreaming. Yeah, you are just having an erotic dream about Y/N"

He rubbed his eyes and even pinched himself, but it was useless, you were still there. Then panic struck him like a hammer. What if he got you pregnant? Damn, he was a goner if Krystal knew what he had done since she hated his guts more than anyone.

“Are you ok, Hobi? You don't look so good”

HOBI? A cute ass nickname? Really? Just how far did all this go?

“I….don't remember anything last night” He said nervously “I am so sorry”

A pained expression covered your face as you clutch to the bed sheets, “But you said you loved me. that you would treat me right. Are you saying you lied to me?”

“Technically it’s not a lie since I don’t remember” he tried to joke it off but that only made things worse because your face was just even more sad. Hoseok grabbed your shoulders, “Again, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I normally dont sleep around so easily. I’m always more focused on my dancing that I never think of girls.

“But what about those other girls you dated? Momo and the other girl?” you asked surprised.

Hoseok sighed and sat up straight. this had been thrown in his face so many times before it was necessary to set the record straight, “Ok so let me clear that once and for all, Momo is my dance partner and nothing else. She and I never dated and it was all a dumb rumor that grew way out of proportion. Besides she’s in a happy relationship with Jeongyeon, the other girl in the picture”

You blink for a second, disbelieving the statement the naked man in front of you had just said. It couldn’t be wrong. All the indications said otherwise, there was no way this could be true.

“But I saw the pictures...And the kiss emoji...you two were so close. And then the tons of girls that you go after.”

“Nope, Momo is completely utterly in lesbians with her girlfriend. Funny you mention that because Jeongyeon believed that same rumor and for the longest time hated my guts thinking I was going to snatch her girlfriend. But that time we went to dinner all together we bonded and she doesn’t hate me as much” He chuckled lightly reminiscing the many colorful threats and hard, cold stares Jeongyeon would throw at him from time to time, “and the other girls are just fans of my dancing and nothing more. I draw a fine line between my fans and myself and I have a rule of never dating a fan. Too troublesome.”

Unbelievable! You think you know a guy and it turns out he’s actually good?? Unreal!

“So you’re not a player?” You ask still blinking in confusion.

“Of course not. I barely go out with friends. Sure girls ask me out and stuff but I mostly just dance, go home, eat, and play videogames. My sex life is pretty dry to be honest. Which is why I’m very surprised I even slept with you”

This was the first of you hearing this. After all this time, you just thought he was always going out and sleeping with different girls, which made hating him easier for you. This entire scene was based on the misconception of this, but it turns out he was just a simple guy who could only think of dancing and if his body was any indication, he truly did it a lot. His abs glimmering in the morning light. You were starting to regret doing this.

You shifted in bed trying to get up scurrying yourself away from him. You needed out of this whole convoluted situation. “Listen Hoseok, I think it’s best if we just put this all behind us. Like you said it’s a mistake and we can just never speak of this again”

“But, you said we fucked without a condom?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah, fucked me raw all night. But what does that matter now?”

He saw the precipitation in your eyes. There’s something here more than meets the eye and he wanted you to spill the beans. There was only one way he could get a woman to tell him what he wanted and you were right there ready to do what he pleases.

“I have to take responsibility over this Babe.” the brunet haired Adonis said as his face grew a sneaky smile. “I will have to get you to go out with me and form a relationship….probably even marry you if it turns out you get pregnant”

“Well, you don't have to do that. I mean, this was just something that...happened” You said nervously as Hoseok got closer to you. Each inch making you difficult to breathe, “I can just take the day after pill or something…”

“Oh, but I want to. And I wouldn't mind making you my wife” he said with a very sexy smile. He’s got you cornered just like he wanted you.

“Really?” you said surprised “cause I don't mind that we did it without a condom. I mean we wouldn’t be the first couple to do so... I..I…”

You were interrupted abruptly by a very passionate kiss that Hoseok layed on your lips. It was incredible how easily you felt weak and trembled in his arms as he possessed your lips. You felt the room spin in circles as both of you submerged into kissing each other.

It would be a lie say that you had never imagined yourself kissing Hoseok. Deep down, as much as you grew yourself to hate him you couldn’t really do so. The attractive style, his grace as he walked, the way he seemed to own everything but was never smug about it always pulled you in to him like a magnet. You didn’t hate Hoseok so much as you hated yourself for being attracted to him.

He pulled you close as he deepened the contact you both made instinctively your hands went to his chest and neck. You brain screamed to stop, your heart yelled go, and your body seemed on fire all from just one kiss.

When you both pulled away you were both breathless, lips numb and eyes dark from the passion that formulated within both of you. You had to slap yourself mentally to regain consciousness of reality. This can’t be true! Hoseok would never have feelings for you...right?

“I’m confused, I thought you said...that you didn’t like me” you closed your eyes. The room seemed to spin in its own axis threatening to make you dizzy.

“We said a lot of things online but most of them were fueled by anger I felt. If I’m being honest I didn’t hate our first date. Yes, I will admit I didn’t help make a good impression coming in all sweaty and in my dancing clothes. But overall I had fun and I thought you were cute, peculiar, but cute nonetheless.”

“That’s why the tweets hurt so much for me. I thought we had something but then you went off to complain and then proceeded to date another guy, of course I’d be mad”

Oh my god, your day out with Jungkook! That wasn’t really even a date for you. You felt bad about this whole situation, it was necessary to apologize and tell him the truth of what went on but Hoseok continued talking.

“I was angry at you and then at him but then I became more angry at myself. I was the one who blew it so it’s only natural. I just wanted one more chance to try to mend things but you and I would get into arguments and I must admit I love confrontation with you, it really turns me on”

Your mouth went agape with Hoseok’s confession. This was totally unexpected. You just wanted to prove the point that you were desirable to him but this goes beyond what you expected to get out of him. He took advantage of this moment to continue kissing you his hands spread on your back as he continues to press against you.

Hoseok’s lips spread on your skin beginning with your neck and going down to your breasts. You parted your lips the moment his tongue started getting closer to your bosom but instead of a plea to stop what escaped your lips was a soft moan. Oh how you cursed your body for betraying you.

Hoseok’s eyes looked at you, darkened by the lust he felt as he continued licking and using his teeth on your now hardened nipple. “I’ve wanted to touch you and taste you for the longest time. And from here on out you are going to be mine, no more pretty boy for you”

The sexual haze was drowning you to the point of forgetting everything that was going on around you. You needed a moment to think. you needed….

“Hold it right there!”

Hoseok turned to the door and saw Kim Seokjin and Jung Krystal, your personal friends, standing there looking at the couple. Your lover grew angry. “Seokjin this better be good! What do you want?” he said irritated.

“I can't let you take away Y/N’s innocence.”

“What are you going on about Hyung? Innocence? This a private matter between me and Y/N”

Right behind Seokjin, Krystal came out and pushed the rich heir out of the way making her presence be center stage, like the queen she usually was. “Actually no. You and Y/N have never made love to each other” Krystal interjected.

“But last night….”

“You passed out after a couple of drinks. I told you drinking scotch was a bit too hard for you” said Seokjin shrugging his broad shoulders and shaking his head.

The confusion on Hoseok’s face became the most evident. It would explain his lack of memory of any event occurred last night. But was this all really just a ruse? Had all the emotions you displayed right now been a lie?

“And the three of us had a perfect way to prank you” she replied with delight, “well better yet, Seokjin and I made a bet to Y/N that she could pretend to have made love to you. Fortunately for us, she was already buzzed and was looking for a thrill”

You could see Hoseok’s expression changed in that moment. Gone was the smile and the playful smirk and was now being replaced by a stern face. You instantly felt the pang of regret in your chest. If only you had known before about his feelings. Why had you been so blind?!

“I got to say, she is a good actress” said the older hyung, rubbing more salt to the wound.

So it was a prank? He hadn't made love to you? He felt a bit relieved but the other part of him felt angry. Hoseok had revealed his emotions to you so easily. He felt like a fool for trusting you so quickly seeing as how you had previously expressed anger and disgust. That couldn’t have been taken away a in one night and he should have known that.

“How could you do this?” Hoseok said with a somber and serious voice.

“Well at first i did it because Seokjin was going to pay me. When I thought this more I convinced myself that this was payback for all the snarky remarks you did about me being undesirable and i thought what better way to get back at you than to scare you” as you relayed this you could see his face harden with each word until you finished with,

“But then I realized that in reality this was a really great way to get closer to you.”

Hoseok blinked in confusion, “If you wanted to get closer to me then why did you have to make up all this?”

“You think you would have taken time to even get to know me, or even listen to me for more than three seconds without you fighting with me? I wanted to be with you as something more than just the silly girl who you always make fun of.”

Hoseok looked at you tenderly. Even through the competitive nature you both had and the disdain you had always shown him you were a sweet girl. An impulsive one, but sweet nonetheless. He looked at Seokjin and gave him an evil glare.

“Get out now!”

The elder shook nervously behind his tall girlfriend, “Look Hobi-ah we are sorry but please take it easy. We were only having fun.”

“Get. Out. Now!”

Hoseok pulled Seokjin and Krystal out of his bedroom and out of his apartment.

“Wait, what about Y/N? Don't tell me that you are going to punish her?” said Krystal.

“As a matter a fact, I am. My soon to be girlfriend has a thing or two she needs to learn about the consequences of trouble making” Hoseok slamming the door in their faces and directly went back to look at you lying in his bed. His eyes redshot in rage and a stern line on his lips. He walked slowly, like a lion hunting his prey.

“I….I’m sorry” you held the sheets in a tight grip, nervous as Hoseok walked up to you, “I can make this up to you somehow, I didn’t know you liked me and I…”

The moment Hoseok shook right next to your bed, he swiftly pulled you close to him and possessed your lips in one stealthy move. His lips were demanding, pressing you so close to him it gave you no space to breathe or think.

“You wanna make it up to me? How about making that fake scene come true? How about I take your body and mark it mine again and again till you have nothing in your mind other than me?”

His words sent chills up your spine and started a fire in your core. You looked at his eyes, studied his expression as you touched his cheek, then gracing his neck and his chest. Normally your instinct would yell to run and leave, but your body felt numb to instinct craving the attention and the touch of Hoseok’s hands all over you.

“Then make me yours, hot shot. You should know well by now that I never back down from a challenge”

With just a growl as a response, Hoseok pulled away the bed sheets and pushed you down on the bed. He observed your body spread on his bed, waiting for him to fuck you hard and make good on that threat he made. He was determined to enjoy that delicious body of yours slowly till he drove you mad.

Hoseok lowers himself kissing you passionately as his fingers explore your skin, the touch sparking fire on your body, every inch he touched burning. He looked at your nipples for a second as he pinched softly on one of them, the sensation sure to ignite more heat.

But that was just one bump in the road, there’s was much more to explore and have fun with. The moment his fingers reached your core he swiftly entered his digit inside the hot entrance, your pussy already hot and wet from his previous foreplay.

“All hot and wet for me babygirl? You’re feeling rather tight though” with just one finger he started to pump inside “do you think your pussy can take me?”

The challenge, he knew how to get you fired up. You responded to his touch with a soft moan as you grabbed yourself to his shoulders and arched your back. You took advantage of the distraction he had with your breast as he dipped his head to succor your tit to grab a hold of his erect penis, pumping him slowly. The unexpected movement causing him to react to your touch. If he wanted a challenge he’s gonna get one.

“You let me worry about my pussy… unless you think this big fat cock’s not enough?”

Fuck taking this slow, he wanted you right then and there. But just like with dancing he wanted to take this sensual tango for two and make it as long as necessary. He pumped, you pumped, he put another finger inside you while his thumb traced circles to your clit while you tightened the grip on his dick tracing circles on the hot red head. It was all a give and take as you both kept kissing each other almost devouring each other with each kiss.

“Hoseok….i feel like I’m gonna cum soon” you felt the flashes of pleasure come in like a tidal wave and wipe you out in the most delicious way.

You didn’t need to be a psychic to know he had his smug smile come through his face as you descended from your high. Round one went to Hoseok, but the battle wasn’t over yet. “Aww...cumming so soon? And my dick hasn’t even gone inside you yet” he faked a pout.

Your breath hitched for a bit as you closed your eyes on him. Swiftly you push Hoseok on the bed and slithered your way down to his dick, waiting erect and hot for your touch. “Then I guess I better step up my game”

His dick twitched with excitement which brought a smirk to your lips. Your lips sucked the head, the taste salty from his precum. One thing was true, his cock was way too big for you to take. At least with your mouth for sure. You had to use both of your hands to pump while your mouth sucked him in and out at an increasingly slow tempo. Hoseok had slept with many girls in his lifetime but seeing you between his legs bobbing your head and struggling to be able to take his full length inside your mouth was both adorable and erotic. That mouth that once spat vicious things to him was now sucking him off as if life depended on it. He could see you touching your clit trying to get some fun out of this yourself but you opted to just stick to pleasuring him. Your high would come soon after.

But your technique was too good on him in the long run, his orgasm threatening to come any second. You let go of Hoseok’s cock in one pop and it took him all of his inner strength to not come in your face as he saw you; hair messy, lips red from the friction and your eyes darkened in lust.

“Are you not gonna cum for me?” Your catty smile grew wickedly on your face. Seems like you’re both at a tie.

“I’d rather cum inside you” he shifted his weight on his forearms as you lifted yourself back up and kissed him once more. His taste lingered in your mouth triggering a beastly growl from Hoseok as he grabbed your legs to put you in the correct position, grabbing his dick to probe around your hot entrance that was already twitching to be fucked.

The moment his dick entered your core, time seemed to stop. There was no twitter war, no other people, no feuds of any sort. It was just Hoseok and you in a strangely perfect link of body and soul.

For Hoseok, pussy was madness; pleasure feeling so heavenly, the heat feeling like something made from hell. He felt bliss and sin all in one sweet movement of his dick.

You closed your eyes feeling his entire length slowly enter you, the head of his dick gracing the cervix making you see stars so quickly. But Hoseok snapped you back to reality, by literally slapping your ass, eyes fixed on you.

“Look at me while I fuck you, look at me and only me”

“You truly do love an audience when you dance” you said breath shaking with the warning of an impending second orgasm.

“This is my best dance yet, babygirl” he winked, moving his hips slowly and little by little increasing his tempo. Hoseok’s dancing abilities truly shined the moments he fucked you. His hips knew the right force to which to drive you crazy. Soft, soft, hard. Your hips swayed along not wanting to fall back

Your legs locked behind his back as you bounced on his dick. Every second his dick was out, your pussy pulled him right back in. You craved it you needed it like a drug and Hoseok didn’t fall behind. It was crazy just how right you both felt. The crook of his hips gave perfect access for your legs, your beautiful tits bouncing on top of his in the most synchronized way.

“I can’t…I’m gonna cum again...fuck you’re so big inside me”

“Same...your pussy is so good it’s devouring me whole...I can’t wait anymore”

Even while on the verge of an impending orgasm, Hoseok’s mind was knocked into reality. He didn’t have a condom on and cumming inside you would be inconsiderate. And as if you could read his concerns you put your lips close to his ear and whispered: “it’s okay I can take the pill, do good on that promise and mark me as yours Hobi”

“Ffffuuuuckkk!!!” He bellowed as he came on top of you, his hot cum splattering on your insides. Hoseok tumbled down next to you, both of you out of breath and completely dazed after the most amazing orgasm both of you had ever felt.

“This... is way better than a twitter war” you spouted happily as you kissed your brand new boyfriend in his lips.

“Had I known sex would be this great we could have avoided so much shit had we just fucked the first date” Hoseok smirked toyingly.

“Good sir, but I am still a lady!” You feigned indignation, “I never sleep on the first date!”

“Well then, good thing the first one was already over. How about I take you to many more to make up for the one I screwed up?”

“Challenge accepted” you laughed as you continued to lazily kiss each other.

For the rest of the day the two of you decided to just stay in his room where you dedicated the entire day talking about how you felt, about every single misconception between the both of you and of course there was the "obedience lessons".

151 notes · View notes

mypassionfortrash · 5 years ago

Text

Do More of What Scares You: Parts 3 & 4 of 11

Roger is determined to help you overcome your anxiety in any way he can. Although he means well, all he seems to do is make everything worse. Can you make it work?

In these chapters, your anxiety gets the better of you when you and Roger sleep together for the first time, and when he goes off to America on tour for two months. Sensing your worry, he makes you an offer you’re not sure you can accept.

◾️ Read parts 1 and 2 here! ◾️

Pairing: Roger x f!reader Warnings: Smut (18+), angst, lots of talk about anxiety. These parts are very smutty! Notes: I’m rewriting my old series’ from ‘BoRhapRogerina’ ahead of finishing them for NaNoWriMo this year. Feedback is always appreciated!

[3/11]

Roger sat in silence beside you, waiting out the rest of the journey home. The date had gone so well until you got behind the wheel.

He liked to talk.

And you needed to concentrate.

You didn’t want either of you ending the evening in a ditch, so you told him to quieten down. Nicely, of course.

He looked like a kicked puppy, shooting you a pained glance that tugged at your heartstrings and made you second guess yourself.

But, your mouth dried up. If you attempted to choke out an apology, those words might stick in your throat.

Roger wouldn’t hear it if you tried; to him, you could do no wrong.

You knew that.

Nearing town, the streetlights lit you up like an angel beside him.

You were so consumed by overthinking the situation, that you hadn’t realised that Roger had been making doe eyes at you the rest of the way home.

How were you to know? Yours were on the road as you hunched over the steering wheel. Ready to react to anything that came between you and your flat.

Turning on to your street, you found it still bustling. Half drunk neighbours and their kids sat on the low walls outside their homes, cracking open stout bottles of beer.

“Nearly there,” you sighed, the relief evident in your tone. Your hand rested on the gearshift, working the car down to a halt outside your place. There was a quiet between you and Roger.

The pair of you stared straight ahead. Neither could bear to break the awkward silence. Saying the wrong thing was a clear possibility here.

“Well,” you began, wringing your hands together in your lap, “goodnight.”

Half way out the driver’s seat, you felt Roger pull at the back of your dress.

“Wait, please.”

Glaring at him, you sat back down.

He wasn’t looking at you. Anything but you. His shoulders rose and fell steadily. His lips parted and then caught between his teeth.

“Roger? Is this about-”

Roger shook his head, smiling. “No. No it’s not.”

You reached out and took his hand. It was cold and damp.

“I had such an amazing day with you,” he sighed. “I like you…I really like you.”

You huffed in relief. “Thank goodness for that.”

Looking like a drowned rat beside him - makeup smeared and your hair falling into your eyes - he chuckled at the sight. He reached out to tuck it behind your ears. “Sorry if that scared you. I have a habit of being a bit too dramatic. And I don’t tend to go in for…” Roger tilted his head from side to side, searching for the rest of his sentence. “You know,” he leaned in close to you, whispering, “feelings.”

The last part of that announcement was wasted on you. Roger seemed to think he had done a bang up job of covering up his softer side as he laughed to himself. But his face fell just as quick realising you were gazing at a point beyond his shoulder.

The fancy car and its owner had attracted the attention of your neighbours, James and Maureen. Together with their neighbours from downstairs. They craned their necks, trying to get a good look at who you were with.

“What’s the matter?” Roger asked, looking hurt. “If that’s too soon, I’m really-”

“It’s… it’s fine. My neighbours are feeling nosy tonight,” you said, placing a hand on his shoulder. “They keep looking in.” Your cheeks burned, feeling so stupid for letting that get to you. You were certain Roger had to put up with far more. But this was your thing. Your one good thing.

“Oh,” Roger mouthed, leaning into you. “Maybe we should give them something to talk about?”

You looked left and right, then focused on Roger. “Like what?” Butterflies surged inside you, cottoning on.

He moved so close to you that you could feel his breath hot against your neck, lips to your ear. “I don’t think I want tonight to end.” He moved back, pressing his nose to yours. “Do you?”

That thing you did whenever your nerves reared their ugly heads happened. A half laugh, half sigh. All with a coy smile. And a fleeting kiss. You looked up at your flat window. “Do you want to go…” you trailed off, kissing him again, deeper this time. “Inside?”

“Are you ok with that?” Roger asked, pulling away from you. He placed his hand on your waist. His eyes full of concern.

You thanked your lucky stars for the darkness around you both. You had no idea how you looked, deliberating, but you could feel the heat rushing to your face. You were certain you looked ridiculous.

In the back of your mind you knew what it meant. What he’d be expecting. It wasn’t exactly a huge jump away from him seeing you naked earlier. But to have him in your space, all around you, that was the difference.

You snapped back to reality. Nodding. Going along with it.

You and Roger raced past your neighbours, nodding and giving them a curt, “hi.” Then up the stairs, stumbling arm in arm.

Bursting through the door and into your living room, you turned around and looked at the outline of Roger. He had his back to the door, waiting for you to switch on the light. But you enjoyed it like this. Still and dark. So quiet you could hear Roger’s awkward breaths against the backdrop of the dull rushing in your ears. Your chest heaved as you thumbed at the fabric of your dress.

“Do you want a drink?” you blurted.

Roger jolted back to life. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. That would be lovely. Thanks,” he rambled, running his hand over the wall behind him. He found the switch. Light. At last.

Through in the kitchen, you searched your cupboards for all the booze you had. White wine? No, too girly. Vodka? Come on, have some class. Whisky? What are you a fifty year old man or something? You took everything out, examining each bottle one by one. And then two glasses.

“Vodka.”

Roger stood in the kitchen doorway with his arms folded. His eyes were half shut.

“Hm?”

“I’ll take a vodka.”

“Oh right. Ok, I’ve got you,” you babbled. “Mixers?”

Roger shrugged, entering the room. He picked up the bottle, reading the label, glasses perched at the end of his nose. “Christ, you don’t mess about. This is the strong stuff.”

“So do you need a mixer?” you asked. “Anything you like?”

“What do you usually drink it with?”

“Well,” you began, contorting your face to match your admission. “When I really need to get hammered… I’ll knock back a couple of shots.”

“I knew you were my kind of girl,” he said. He took control of the situation, opening the bottle and pouring you a measure each. He raised his glass to his lips and paused, narrowing his eyes. “You don’t have to be drunk to… you know?”

The vodka brushed against your lips and retreated back into the glass. “Oh, no. No I didn’t mean it like that.”

Lies, of course.

“Because I don’t think there’s enough in there for me and you,” Roger smirked, pointing at the bottle.

Your bottom lip quivered. “There’s a first time for everything.”

Roger’s glass met yours, clinking. “I’ll drink to that.”

“Cheers.”

Setting down your glasses on the counter, you and Roger groaned as the vodka burned your insides. “Think that’ll take the edge off?” he asked, biting his lip.

You leaned on the counter, puffing out your cheeks. “Yeah. I’m good.”

Lies again.

Roger mirrored you, looking at you from beneath his eyelashes. His gaze wasn’t reserved for your face. That, you could handle. Instead, it trailed from your eyes to your lips. Down to your neck. Lower and lower still as his teeth sank into his bottom lip yet again.

You edged closer to him.

His voice was lower than usual. “Can I kiss you? Properly, I mean?”

“You don’t have to ask,” you said, wrapping your arms around him. Your insecurity threatened to take another bite from you. But the vodka, what little of it you had, fended it off for now. Your fingers clung to the back of Roger’s shirt as the gap between you grew smaller by the second.

He made such quick work of pulling you in by your hips, your bodies pressed against each other’s. Then, he stopped, a whisker away from your mouth. Keeping you waiting one more moment than you could stand. It was torture, fighting off the urge to close the gap. You could feel his breath catch on your lips.

Finally, it happened.

A reserved sigh accompanied Roger’s tongue tracing across your lower lip. You could taste the vodka on him as he doubled his efforts. He was fervent enough that you were already pinned against the kitchen counter. His hands weaved through your hair, tugging at the roots, keeping you right where he needed you to be.

You were so overcome. Unable to move in a tug of war between apprehension and unbridled lust, your fingers were still kneading away at Roger’s crisp, white shirt.

He strayed to your jaw, lavishing it with hungry, open mouthed kisses.

You cracked when he nipped at your neck, meeting the sensation with a muffled mewl. He set about doing it again, purely for that same reaction.

“You sound so fucking gorgeous,” he whispered, inching your dress up with his free hand and returning his lips to yours.

His fingers on your thighs made you tense.

Not this.

Not again.

You let go of his shirt as your body turned cold. You couldn’t hear his satisfied groans, as he continued to devour you, over the rushing in your ears. “Roger?”

That went unnoticed. He was far too distracted.

With all the strength you could muster, you planted your hands on his chest and pushed him away. Gasping, your lungs worked overtime to calm you down. “I’m sorry,” you choked.

“Did I hurt you?” Roger fretted. “I know I can be a bit-”

You hushed him with your fingers, searching for a road out of the room. “No, no.”

Roger noticed, moving out of your way. “Take as long as you need.” His hand brushed against your shoulder. “I’ll be here when you get back, ok?”

You raced to the bathroom and locked yourself inside. The tiled floor was like ice underneath you, but why did it feel like you were the one cracking?

Back to the door, you pressed your hands over your eyes, rubbing at them. Wiping away tears that were yet to fall. You tried so hard to be cool and calm. You wanted him. But your brain always did this.

You couldn’t help but wonder how Roger would feel about this. You, cutting short a lovely evening to go and suffocate yourself on your bathroom floor. This might be the final straw for him.

You could only hope he wouldn’t be around to see you like this. After all, you still harboured so much pride. That was rich, coming from someone who was prone to feeling like they were going to be swallowed whole when faced with the most average human activity.

He was still there. Shuffling through the hallway.

He knocked on the door, the vibrations causing you to shake. “Are you alright in there?”

“Just about.”

You weren't.

“I’ve made you a cup of tea.”

“Ok.”

“I’ll leave it here beside the door, ok, darling? Take your time.”

As Roger placed the tea on the floor outside the bathroom, you cracked open the door, looking up at him. “I should be out in a minute. Just need to find my feet,” you said with an embarrassed smile.

Roger sat down in the hallway, handing you the cup of tea. “Do you need a hand?”

The first sip didn’t go down well. It felt like there was a fist around your throat, stopping anything from getting through. “No. My legs sometimes tingle when I get like this,” you spluttered. “I’m sorry for ruining your night.”

Roger’s expression flipped. “My dear, you’re going to need to stop apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong. You’ll only make yourself feel more guilty.” He was adamant about that.

You shook your head. “But I did. We were having a great time and I-” you trailed off, gesturing towards the kitchen. “I fucked up.”

“But you can’t help it.”

“Even still.”

“You can’t help it.”

You nodded, half agreeing. You couldn’t.

“What was it that brought it on?” Roger asked.

“Nothing that you did, honestly.” The defensiveness cut through your tone. There was no disguising it.

“Be honest.”

You shrugged like it was nothing. “I have a hard time letting people into my personal space like that. I have to know I can trust them. Sometimes it takes forever. Sometimes, it happens right away.”

“Ok,” Roger said.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I needed more vodka.” You attempted a smile through all the humiliation.

Roger reached out and took your hand. “Christ, you’re cold. Doesn’t help being sprawled on that bloody floor.”

———————————————————————————

A pale gold lit up your humble abode through the curtains. Small snores came from underneath you, your pillow rising and falling in waves. Both of you were still clothed and the duvet lay discarded on the floor. Your face nestled into Roger’s chest, and his arm curled around your shoulders. He was warm and soft for someone so lithe. You didn’t want to move.

Towards the end of the night, you and Roger must have found your way to bed. You couldn’t remember how it happened. All you could recall was the conversation from the bathroom floor. How he talked you down and distracted you. How he listened and understood what you needed. How he comforted you.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, looking up at him. He seemed peaceful, still fast asleep.

Then the fear set in. What if he saw you like this, half asleep first thing in the morning? Unwashed. No makeup. Morning breath.

You rolled out of bed, careful not to make a sound. That one notorious floorboard gave you away. You gasped when you heard Roger stir.

“Where you going?” he asked, throwing his arm over his tired, delicate eyes.

“I-I’m just going to clean myself up,” you stumbled.

“Don’t be too long. I was enjoying that.”

In the bathroom, you leaned against the counter top, looking at yourself in the mirror. Dark circles. A pimple on your chin. A couple of stray hairs on your top lip. You fixated on the imperfections you saw. Why the hell would Roger enjoy you?

“COME BAAAAACK!” Roger whined.

“Give me a minute!”

Teeth brushed, dirty clothes off and a once over with a washcloth. That was all it took before you were back in your room, clad in your bathrobe. You thought nothing of it until Roger sat up, raising his eyebrows.

“What?” you asked, tying it around your waist.

Roger shook his head, grinning. “Nothing.”

Throwing yourself on to the bed beside Roger, you fumbled with the buttons on his shirt. You felt more bold than you were last night. “It’s something.” You undid all the buttons, while you waited for Roger’s response.

Roger’s breath hitched in his throat as you straddled his waist, giving his collarbones delicate kisses. “Are you wearing anything underneath that?” He asked.

You sat upright, caressing the strip of skin between his jeans and his navel. “Do you want to find out?”

Roger’s hands came to rest on your thighs on either side of him. All he could do was look up and nod, renouncing all control of the situation.

You smirked, taking one end of the silk tie in your hand, and giving it a gentle tug. Enjoying Roger’s more malleable side, you decided to draw the act out. You bit your lip, cocking your head to the side. “Are you sure?”

“Please.” Roger’s fingers fidgeted on your thighs. “Let me see you.”

There was still that tense nervousness pulling away at your insides. But you would have been lying if you said that presenting yourself to him like this wasn't exhilarating. Wiggling your hips from side to side on top of him, you tried to gauge his reaction. “Like what you see?” you asked, the fabric slipping off your frame.

Roger laughed, grabbing your hips as he rolled on top of you, pinning you down. “I think I’m going to keep you, yes.” He gave you a quick, ardent kiss, before picking up where you both had left off last night. “I think you must be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he murmured, allowing his hands and mouth to roam. He paused, blinking up at you. "Do you trust me?"

Remembering your conversation from last night, a chill rushed through you. You didn't have to think about it. The fact that he had even considered asking you that question was good enough for you. "Yes. I do."

"Thank you." Resuming his work, Roger's hands had taken to your thighs while his lips imparted wet, hungry kisses on your breasts. His tongue danced over your nipple. He groaned as it hardened in his mouth, giving it a pinch with his teeth.

Arching your back into him, you eased yourself into what was happening. Heat grew between your legs as Roger gave you a drowsy look.

He turned his efforts lower.

You became more responsive as he spread your legs, dragging his fingers along the back of your thighs.

You couldn’t help whining as your impatience grew.

The feverish kisses on your stomach gave way to absurd, chaste little smacks along the inside of your thigh. Even the feeling of his breath on your skin had you rolling your hips with need. Whimpering into the pillow, you grasped at his hair.

He lazily played with you. Feathering his fingers up and down your slick slit, he marvelled at your arousal. “You’re so wet for me, darling,” he purred.

All you could muster was a desperate hum before he let loose on you.

Roger savoured each stroke, parting your folds with the flat of his tongue. It wasn’t his fingers pressing into your thighs, or the way he closed his eyes, or the sounds escaping him that gave his enjoyment away. It was the way he moved into you, fraught with hunger and the desire to please you. His tongue was forceful, lapping away at your lips, pulling them into his mouth.

And you? All you wanted was more.

Even if you tried to roll your hips to reach your goal, he would only push back even more. You squirmed and writhed, aching.

Finally, his tongue brushed over your clit. It was fleeting but enough to elicit something more verbal from you. A pathetic, loud and needy moan, coupled with a sharp tug at Roger’s hair had him grinning. He looked up, “oh, you like that?”

You bit your lip, looking down at him. Pleading with your eyes for him to do it again. Keep doing it. Never stop doing it.

Roger replaced his mouth with his hands, fingers lingering at your entrance. “Tell me how much you liked it,” he ordered, slipping two fingers inside you. He curled them in on themselves repeatedly, touching just the right spot to make your hips buck against him, gasping desperately. “Tell me,” he goaded.

You screwed your eyes shut in frustration, struggling to verbalise how much you needed his mouth on you again. Managing to squeak out a feeble, “please,” you could hear Roger laugh as he continued to tease.

“You sound so pretty when you beg.” Another quick dart of his tongue over your lips. “Tell me what you want.”

“Roger,” you called, fists balling up in the sheets, “please, I need to come.”

Roger swiped his tongue around, but not on, your clit, his fingers still working away inside you. The sound was obscene. “Since you asked so nicely.”

He held nothing back. He focused all his attention directly on your most sensitive spot. The contact was absolutely electric, making your legs tremble and every muscle inside you pull taut as he moved his tongue and his fingers in sync. Chipping away at the last small semblance of control you had. He was relentless.

He never let up as your fingernails clawed at his scalp. Or as the most unholy sounds escaped your lips. Certainly not when your cunt began to throb and quiver around his tiring fingers. Not until that knot in your stomach snapped free, leaving you breathless and your skin glistening.

It took forever for you to become coherent and lucid again, but when you did, Roger was still between your legs, laying affectionate kisses on to your stomach. You covered your face with your hands to process everything that had just happened, trying to clench your thighs together.

Sensing the change in you, Roger moved up the bed. As he loomed over you, you could feel his cock press against your stomach through his jeans. His breathing was slow and heavy, your scent so clear on his skin. “Are you ok?” He asked, kissing your nose and both your hands.

Dragging your hands down your face, he came into view. You nodded and with a hoarse voice, you reassured him. “Yeah, I just need a minute.”

“Ok,” Roger whispered, starting to move to your side.

“No, don’t,” you said, tugging at the edges of his shirt.

Roger stayed put, stroking your hair as it splayed across the pillow around you, looking down and admiring you in all your flushed and tired glory.

“This is a very attractive angle,” you murmured, a smirk on your lips.

“Do you even have a bad side?” Roger asked, squinting down at you.

With care, you ran your thumb along Roger’s jaw. “Lots of them.”

He kissed your nose before burying his face in the crook of your neck. More kisses. Slow and passionate. Ratcheting up the mood again.

“Who knew you’d get so riled up with all this sentiment?” you giggled.

“Over you, you mean?” he grinned, leaning down to kiss you. His hips rolled against yours as your kiss deepened, limbs intertwining pulling you both together. His movements became more purposeful. The feeling of his cock, still in his jeans, rubbing against your spent and sensitive cunt only made you eager for another round, mewling into Roger’s mouth.

He broke away, planting his hands on either side of you. “Do you want to…you know?”

You smiled sweetly, urging him to go ahead.

He needed no other encouragement, leaning back to undo his jeans and free his cock. Veined, hard and glistening pink at the head, he stroked his length. The gap between you closed again as he brushed the tip of his cock between your folds, coating it. Head back, mouth open, he groaned contentedly as he filled you for the first time.

The fire inside you grew wildly out of control as you pushed back into him. Every single move of his was tentative. He was holding so much back.

“Fuck me like you mean it," you joked, slapping his arm.

Roger dramatically draped himself over you, grinding into you. He kept his gaze trained on you. His pace quickened, unable to maintain his restraint. The soft sound of flesh on flesh grew louder. “You’re so fucking tight,” he hissed into the pillow.

You dug your fingernails into his back and wrapped your legs high around his body, forcing him deeper. Whimpering, you tried to reach his lips to stifle it.

“Moan for me, come on. I want to hear you darling,” he grunted, doubling his efforts. “Don’t go shy on me now.”

You grasped a handful of his hair, pulling him in for a feverish, breathless kiss.

You could feel him becoming tense. His breath hitching. His hips jerking.

“You gonna come, my love?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grunted, burying his face into the pillow again, his movements growing erratic. With one last growl into your neck, his cock throbbed, pumping strand after strand of cum into you until there was nothing left to do but collapse onto you.

You held him, bodies glued together in sheer bliss until your breathing stilled. It felt like forever before Roger rolled off you and on to his back.

He looked over at you from the other side of the bed. Cheeks flushed, lips parted, still wearing that dreamy look of his.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” you grinned.

Roger turned his attention to the ceiling. Eyes scrunched. Cheeks puffed out. A coy smile on his lips. Then he gave a big sigh. “I think you were made for me.”

[4/11]

All those nerves at the beginning melted away as your trust in Roger grew. Every time you and him got together, he would pull you out of your shell even more; everyone noticed that change in you.

Until he was due to leave for another tour.

It worried you for weeks. In secret, of course. He couldn’t find out about the dread that gripped you when you were left alone with your thoughts. When he was gone.

How long you had with him? Where this was going? Who was going to take your place when he inevitably got bored of you?

It was a wet Wednesday morning and you hadn’t done a stitch. Your blinds were closed and your laundry overflowed from the basket. You wasted precious moments bathing. Only because it was necessary. And putting the kettle on. Again, necessary.

You had taken the day off work to spend as much time as you could with him before he left. Doing nothing but cocoon yourselves in blankets and work your way through endless pots of tea. You couldn't allow this to bug you any longer.

Unfurling Roger’s arm from around your shoulders, you turned around to face him. Fingers grasping at the edges of the blanket around you. “When do you come home again?”

Roger drained the last of his cup of tea and sighed. “Two months.”

You huffed, looking towards the window. “I’m going to miss you.”

Roger stroked your hair; little comfort in the face of the first real test in your relationship. “I’ll speak to you every day. I promise."

———————————————————————

True to his word, despite the time difference, he did. He snuck away from his bandmates, paying through the nose on long distance calls in the early hours of the morning, leaning against the side of a different phone booth every night, half asleep.

Three weeks in, Roger was somewhere in Santa Ana, passing through at a truck stop. His bandmates were within earshot as he slunk towards the row of grubby phones. He glanced at his watch, making sure his timing wasn’t completely unreasonable and began slotting his money in. His fingers jabbed away at the buttons. He had memorised your number by now.

It was three in the morning back home. The trill of your phone roused you in seconds flat. You had moved your phone beside your bed for easy access. Goodness knows what hour Roger would call at on any given day. You had to be prepared. Flinging yourself over the edge of the bed to pick up the receiver, you croaked. “Roger?”

“Hello my darling. What time is it over there?”

You chuckled, lying back down. “Witching hour.”

Roger laughed, leaning his head against the wall in front of him. “It’s always witching hour with you.”

“How was your gig? You had one today, didn’t you?”

“No. We’re heading to LA now. How’s work?”

One of the consequences of speaking every day was that you were quick to run out of things to talk about. All he did was play shows, or scrabble. Or drink. You didn't want to think about anything other than that, though sometimes your imagination ran wild.

And you whittled down the days at a poky little office. It paid peanuts. Sometimes you would go out with friends, but those were good days. Those were rare. “It’s work, really. Isn’t it?”

There was silence on the other end of the line. Roger pinched the bridge of his nose, determined not to allow the hurt to scratch the surface. “And how are you feeling?” His voice was small, now. He wasn’t his usual cheerful self.

A great roar of cheering and giggling erupted wherever Roger was. It caught your attention, tying knots in your stomach. “I’m good. Are you and the guys doing anything nice?”

“Oh, you know,” he began, laughing, “the guys have brought some girls to the bus. But I'm just going to go to-”

Your skin became cold at that sentence. “Girls?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok.”

“I miss you.”

“Do you?”

“I’ll be thinking of you,” he said quietly.

Your brain couldn’t stop it. “When you fuck them, you mean?”

Roger was taken aback. “You don’t have anything to worry about, I promise. They’re not for me. But you are.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“I… I lo…I miss you. So much.”

His words weren’t much consolation. “I’ll speak to you soon, Roger.”

You said your goodbyes and hung up the phone.

Brian and Freddie loitered a few feet away from Roger, discussing their plans for the night. They paid him no attention as he made his phone call.

Until he punched at the wall in front of him. Tears began to crawl from his eyes. This wasn't like him at all.

Sure, tantrums were a daily occurrence with Roger, but very seldom did he cry in anyone’s company. He was much too proud for that. Right now though, he was on his own planet.

He stood there for what felt like forever, hands furiously drying his eyes, head bowed. His shoulders rose and fell as he tried to calm himself down.

Brian and Freddie were mesmerised. They glanced at him and then each other, shrugging their shoulders. “What do you think’s the matter with him?” Freddie whispered in Brian’s ear, covering his hand with his mouth. Being quiet wasn’t his forte.

“Probably another one of his hissy fits.”

The movement of Roger’s shoulders seemed to speed up.

“Do you think we should talk to him?” Brian asked, giving Freddie a worried look, hoping that it wouldn’t have to be him.

“Oh alright, I’ll bloody do it!” Freddie announced, graciously accepting the invitation no one had asked for.

Without warning, Roger turned around. His cheeks and eyes were red and puffy. “It’s not another one of my bloody tantrums!”

“Alright. Don’t be so dramatic, Rog,” Brian said, holding up his hands. “What happened?”

“I heard he’s got himself a new plaything,” Freddie jibed.

In that moment, Roger saw red, closing the gap between himself and his best friend. He puffed out his chest, getting in Freddie's face. “What was that?”

“Oh here we go,” Brian muttered folding his arms.

Freddie stood as tall as he could. His tone was fair and commanding, offering Roger little room to escalate the situation. “Do you think we don’t notice you sneaking off at all hours? Hogging every phone you see? When you're all bleary eyed and quiet? Have you met someone?”

Roger opened his mouth to speak. But he knew the game was up. Freddie had his number.

Deacy decided to make an appearance at exactly the right moment, staggering out of the bus, grinning. “Who’s Roger meeting?”

Roger rolled his eyes and threw his arms at his sides. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve well and truly fucked up now.”

Before his friends could answer, he darted towards the bus, like a stroppy teenager, running away from all his problems. He paid no attention to the group of scantily clad girls congregated in the lounge area. Instead, he climbed into his coffin sized bunk and slipped on his headphones. He didn’t want to be disturbed. He wanted to be alone.

Outside, Brian, Deacy and Freddie were still trying to process what happened, shrugging and exchanging confused looks.

At ten o’clock the following morning, your phone rang again. A rude awakening on your day off. You lay awake the entire night, torturing yourself, wondering what Roger was up to.

You picked it up, expecting it to be your manager, calling you in to work.

But, no. It was Roger.

“What time is it over there?”

“It’s two in the morning,” he sighed. “I don’t know why I’m calling you.”

“Guilt? Did you think of me?” The hurt cut through your tone; it was so obvious that Roger couldn’t miss it.

He widened his eyes at your response, seeming to forget your exchange only hours prior. “Sorry?”

“With your groupies? Did you think of me?”

Roger paused for a moment. He took a deep breath, trying to muster the least defensive response he could. “I was awake all night actually. Worrying myself sick about you while the rest of them took care of the girls.”

“You've got a show tomorrow. Today, actually. Get some sleep.”

“I can’t.”

“And you expect me to believe that?” You asked, turning on to your back and staring at the ceiling.

It wasn’t even the fact that you were convinced Roger had been with other women since he embarked on the tour that bothered you. It was the fact that your brain seemed to be clobbering you over the head with that thought all the time. It convinced you that you weren’t good enough. And you couldn’t string together the words to express that. Not without Roger becoming even more insufferable, for the vicious cycle to start all over again.

His voice cracked through the rushing in your ears. “Are you still there, my love?”

“I’m still here.”

“What are you doing for the rest of the week?” he asked.

Now he wanted to make small talk? Really? “Working. Same as every other day.”

“Are you off work today?”

What was with all the questions? “Yeah,” you huffed, “I was hoping I could sleep all my cares away and fester in my bed. I feel like shit.”

“If that's what you need, I won’t keep you. Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have any more holidays to take off work?”

You recoiled from the receiver, narrowing your eyes. “I have a few. Why?”

The old Roger, the Roger you were enjoying getting to know was back. “Because I think I might sleep better if you were lying in a confined space on top of me.”

“That sounds terrible for me. My worst nightmare, actually.”

“What? A confined space or getting on a plane to see me? Have you ever been on a plane?” He asked, his words gathering pace. “Do you even have a passport?”

“Roger-”

“I mean, it would be great. If it makes you uncomfortable then you don’t have to do it.”

A familiar tightness bore down on your chest. The more he spoke, the heavier it grew. You needed out of this conversation fast. “Can I think on it?”

“Of course. Let me know tomorrow.”

And just like that, the weight was lifted. “Ok.”

“Darling?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m with you, and only you,” he said, exaggerating those words. “But I need you to trust me.”

“I’m trying my best. It’s going to take time.”

“Are we ok?”

“I hope so. Please don’t do anything stupid.”

“I won’t. Not until you get here. As I recall, you seem to get a kick out of me being stupid,” he joked. You could picture that smile of his as he spoke. “Enjoy your day off.”

The worries you had about him subsided for the time being. You sighed with a contented smile. “Have an amazing show. Only five more weeks until you're home.”

Roger laughed. “I love you.”

Those words were like a bucket of cold water being dumped all over you. The hairs on your arms stood on end and a shiver ran down your spine. Disbelief seeped into your core again. “Thank you.”

Roger's laughter grew as he hung up. That was everything he loved about you, summed up, right there.

You had a big decision to make.

#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #queen

81 notes · View notes

cutegirlmayra · 6 years ago

Note

Sonic is gone on a mission for a lot of years that when he comes back, everyone is now adults. He tries to reconnect with everyone and it's mostly the same except with Amy because of how much her attitude has matured. Because of this, he finds its easy to hang out with her and easily finds himself falling for her but since he was gone for so many years, Amy is no longer pursuing him and now just sees him as an old friend, so Sonic does his best to reignite the old flame in her.

(Preview image is used with permission from the amazing Sonic Artist @masked-bixch! Please support her and her amazing talents! x

I’ve done quite a few of these before, but I’m always down for Older Sonamy~

Prompt:

“It really was a whirlwind,” Sonic’s now lanky arms and legs draped over the tree’s branches, closing his eyes after looping an arm around it and jumping up. He was much older now, his quills were so long that they arched from his head and drooped down towards the ground.

He placed his arm behind his head, a cushion of sorts, looking up at the stars.

“But enough about me, Tails. How are all of you doing?” He smiled as he looked over to Tails, who happily obliged to the question.

“Well, Knuckles finally took my advice and used technology to protect the island more. He even convinced G.U.N to make it a sanctuary. It’s heavily guarded now and Knuckles even has a small living making it a tourist site.”

Sonic’s eyebrows raised, amazed to hear so much had changed.

“And the others?”

“Cream is happily married. Vanilla loves her new grandchildren.”

“Grandchildren?”

“Yeah. I mean… they’re bunnies, Sonic.” Tails kinda gave him a funny look and Sonic just scratched his nose, embarrassed.

Tails poked some figurative fun at him before sighing, “And me? Well…” He looked up at the sky. “I’m getting married too.”

“What!?” Sonic bolted upward, turning to him before seeming to sulk back to being unexpressive again. “…You really have all changed…”

“Not really. Not in here.” Tails pointed to his heart, looking up at Sonic. But then his smile changed to concern, worrying his friend hadn’t changed, and what the future held for him. “You know… it’s rather peaceful these few years… We’ve been defeating our home pretty well. What… What do you think you’ll do?”

Sonic remained silent, looking down at the waters below him, a stream babbling over Tails’s matured voice.

He closed his eyes, “Don’t know.”

Tails once again seemed worried, “…Sonic…”

“Everyone’s moved on. I know.” Sonic sighed and hopped down from the tree. “But there’s still someone you haven’t told me about.” He dusted off his back from the tree’s bark and twigs.

“Huh? Who’s that?” Tails tilted his head.

“Heh,” Sonic chuckled, never figuring he’d be asking something like this about… her.

“Ever since I chose to leave on that mission… Amy said she’d never forgive me.” He looked to Tails now, carefully hiding with a sturdy mask his real intention in asking this. “Where is she now?”

Tails held his breath a second, his tails wavering in their usual bending behind him and situated themselves low to the ground.

“Amy’s…” Tails’s hesitance was clearly not for Amy’s benefit… and Sonic picked up on that.

The hurt was apparent in Sonic’s eyes, thinking the worst, as the shine of the water’s moonlight hit and sparked a deeper emotion that Sonic usually never revealed upon his face.

He still didn’t.

He turned around and folded his arms, “Figures. I guess that’s how it goes though, huh?” He took a deep breath, turning his head slightly to address Tails over his shoulder, “Who’s the lucky guy?”

“No guy.” Tails walked up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, a light smile, “There never was.”

Sonic’s surprise was covered by the darkness of the night.

He lowered his head and smiled, “Really..?”

Tails nodded, “But I wouldn’t let that glimmer of hope sink in too deep, Sonic. She’s changed. She’s not the little girl you used to know. She’s really grown up quite a bit.” he emphasized that change, but Sonic seemed to let it pass through one ear and out the other.

In a greater spirit, Sonic strutted away, waving back to Tails. “Thanks, buddy.” He barely heard him, only thinking about how much fun it would be to surprise her by showing up again. Maybe a playful tease here and there. At least that wouldn’t change.

“Sonic! I’m serious! She’s-!” Tails finally quit. He gave up trying to shout out when Sonic took off, “He’s gonna get himself hurt… And there’s nothing I can do about it.” he sighed, flying off into the night to return to his now luxury cruiser plane, massive and expensive.

Time went by and Sonic did end up meeting Amy, however, Tails was absolutely right. She had a fine job, a great set of new friends, and was living a very independent life.

A bit too independent for Sonic’s liking…

It was like she was just polite and sweet to him, but nothing more. She would joke about the old days, and her humor bothered Sonic when she used self-depreciative jokes about how she used to act around him.

“It wasn’t that bad…”

“Haha! You were my whole world! How was that not bad?”

She wore heels and long draping dresses. Her hair was slightly up and styled. She was a high-class lady. Purses and accessories, a real uptown girl.

It made Sonic uncomfortable.

However, though that was the case, it was suddenly easy to talk with Amy and get the real scoop on everyone and how their lives had changed. Amy held no secrets, and she told Sonic everything about Eggman and the gang. The battles they had to fight while he was gone. The great successes…

“It was hard at first,” Amy admitted, nodding to the beat of a song she was listening to over the speakers of the carnival they had stopped by. “We all realized we depended on you so much… We had to really fight and push past all our insecurities. We learned to rely on each other instead of just you. That was a huge turning point for me too… It wasn’t one man who could save the world, it was all of us.” She took a bite out of her ice cream and Sonic just held the cone in front of him, looking deep in thought at the ground as he heard how much his friends suffered without him, but also picked themselves up and overcame everything after him.

“Guess I didn’t realize how much I was limiting you all.” It was a spitfire comment and Sonic’s hot-tempered ego was shown just a bit. He took a bite of the ice cream and flinched at a brain freeze.

“Ohhh, don’t be so gloomy!” Amy patted his back, having him cough and swallow the pain back as he turned back to her, pouting. “You’re so much like your old self. I can’t lie, I was hoping you’d change a little bit…” She took another lick of her ice cream, “Emm~ So yummy~”

He just watched her… She had grown so much, but she was still as kind and trusting as ever.

“…Would it be so bad?” He suddenly said, jumping down the raised parking lot where they were sitting and looking over the carnival. “If everyone started trusting me again?”

Amy paused and lowered her ice cream. “…We did miss you, Sonic… but… Heroes are everywhere now. It’s not as rare as when you were with us.”

He felt his fist tighten.

“So… No looking up to me like I’m the greatest thing in the world?” He faked a smile to her, trying to keep everything light.

She noticed this time, something he wasn’t used too. “Sonic…” She jumped down and walked up to him, placing a hand on his cheek. “You’ll always be the famous Sonic The Hedgehog. History will count you as the fastest hedgehog in the world… The one who lead the revolution towards heroes saving the world. But that doesn’t have to be all you are.”

He had never felt her touch like this before. It startled him. His heartbeat… what was wrong with it? His hands flexed like a twitch at how calming and comforting the sensation was. It was like he wanted to come closer to it, and that spooked him.

She smiled a sorrowful look, which also upset him.

She removed her hand and placed it back by her ice cream. “You know… I think love is kinda awesome. It probably…” She began to turn away from him, and he felt the urge to reach out and grab the twisting end of her dress, just to hold her there… a little bit… longer…

“Only happens once… and never comes around again.”

If eyes are the windows of the soul, then words were the breeze and sunlight that escaped into the room within.

Sonic’s eyes were deeply plagued with having seen the room, knowing it was beautiful and lavishing in wonderful, homely comfort. And yet, he also noticed he didn’t hold the key to that home anymore…

“Only comes once?” He tried to act as though he didn’t understand, faking a false comprehension.

“…That’s not what I meant.” Amy took the bait but didn’t turn around. She took another small bite of her ice cream. “I should go, it’s been fun to catch up. But I do have work tomorrow…”

“…Tomorrow…” Sonic looked down. What would await him tomorrow?

Everyone had moved on and was living their lives… No one had time for a has-been.

“…Will you be okay, Sonic? Finding a place in this world… who has itself covered?” She finally did look back at him but was jolted back at how serious his expression had turned.

“S…Sonic?”

He narrowed his eyes to the ground, then looked up at her. “So… The world doesn’t need me anymore… Heroes are abundant… and I’m just a name drifting on the wind?”

She shook her head, immediately regretting her words. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it like that! Sonic! You’re still so important!” she came forward but that desire for someone had slipped out of Sonic.

He stepped back and turned his head away. “Alright… so the world doesn’t need me.” He closed his eyes, shutting her out. “But then…”

“…Do you?”

Amy’s eyes flinched back, her heart felt like a string had been pricked and dust sprayed off of it. She hadn’t felt this melody in a long time… She had forgotten so much about it.

“Sonic…” her eyes watered. “I… I have to go!” she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She had hardened herself too much for that. She bolted at lightning speeds, the ice cream dropped and abandoned in her rush to escape the past she loathed so much.

But… did she really hate that time? When she was so lovestruck and ditzy? Not a care in the world?

He bent down with a much tender look towards the fallen ice cream.

He let his own fall next to it and walked towards the side of the edge.

He scaled the rooftops and darted around the world that had no need of him… but waited. Patiently. For the time that maybe Amy’s world would.

And like usual, he didn’t have to wait long.

A car had almost hit Amy, but something blue and speedy had caught her and brought her to the other side of the street. That was the first occurrence.

Another time, someone stole Amy’s wallet. She summoned her hammer and raced behind him till he turned a corner. When she got there, he was already beaten down and the wallet left with a flower beside it. She had gripped her heart.

This kept happening… over and over again… and as it did, her heart pained to be beside him again… She couldn’t fight it. The loneliness of not being in love… The strain of taking on life without someone beside you.

When she finally did catch him, he had slowed down and turned his head back to her, wondering what she wanted…

The news had talked about a blue bullet, going around and saving people from ordinary inconveniences. But even those reports were so thankful for a guardian angel with blue light that surrounded him, saving them from a rainy day.

“Where do you think you’re going.” she stepped forward, heart pounding as she dropped her bags and charged him. “Without one of my infamous Amy Rose hugs!!!”

He smiled, having waited quite a while to hear that greeting again.

He held her close upon impact. She rubbed her head deeper into his chest and gripped him closer to her. She didn’t want to have a life without him again. It was too much to not be with the man she loved…

And Sonic?

Evil always rises when there’s greater Good to combat it.

But the Good is always better and conquers all its scheming.

Amy and Sonic were a power couple, alright. Villains rose that normal, present heroes didn’t have the skill to handle. But Tails and Knuckles would happily join in the ‘old times-sake’ fun, finding Amy and Sonic and taking them all on once again… as not a couple of snot-nose kids trying to save the world…

But as a family that would save the world, one act of love at a time.

#sonamy #older sonamy #sonamy prompt #cutegirlmayra #sonicxamy #sonic prompt

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