#again not tagging the lions because they don't deserve to see any more about this

[sortanonymous]

💔

[angel-of-hunky-doryness]

Disney's Hercules: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Inaccuracies

Ah Disney's Hercules.

Now I'm sure I've made it no secret that this is one of my all time favorite movies. Both for it's witty charm and impressive character design, there is something to be said about this film that makes it stand out among the line-up of Disney's Renaissance films. It's not one of it's finest, nor is it your classic fairy tale movie up there with the likes of Beauty and the Beast or Aladdin, but just like Lion King, Hercules takes a unique spin on a timeless tale for a more modern audience.

Perhaps my love of this movie and other Disney films are biased. We had quite a lot of these movies on VHS and since I was still learning english, they were a great introduction before I started kindergarten.

Now as I watch these movies again I'm still surprised how well these movies have aged. I recently rewatched B&B with my dad the other day from flipping channels and even he was blown away with how good these movies really are after nearly 2 decades of not seeing them. It's astounding especially now in an age where we have started to see a decline in the quality of Disney movies. Back when there was a greater focus on art instead of profit.

While there was a rise in harsh criticism on Disney movies and their protagonists(like Snow White, Cinderella, etc) primarily in the 2010's that was perpetuated by internet culture (i.e. memes, Youtube critics, pick your poison) I am glad to see that we are starting to dial it down again and see just how progressive many of these movies were for their day and age.

Now this post isn't about any of that.

There are much better blogs here on tumblr that go into that, so I highly recommend @marciabrady, @artist-issues for their look at early Disney princesses and other similar blogs I will hopefully tag before I post this.

There is one movie though that kinda got the worst treatment and that is, to no one's surprise, Disney's Hercules.

And it's kind of deserved.

Now I'm not here to cast stones. Like I said in the preamble, it's one of my favorite movies and I've written quite a bit of fanfiction in this fandom. So I've done it dirty quite a lot. Sorry HS me, we need to talk a bit.

So instead, we will be going over why the inconsistent depiction of the Greek Mythology presented in this film had to be done and some small examples. Nothing too deep. The Mythology Guy on YouTube made a great video going over all the inaccuracies in the film and I highly recommend giving it a watch if you are interested in learning more about the Greek myth of Herakles.

With that out of the way, let's get started.

Part I: Child-Proofing

As I've mentioned before in one of my earlier posts, Disney films are made for children. Now that doesn't mean adults can't enjoy it, but the content within the films are primarily so children can watch and enjoy. Sure there are adult jokes and themes that will go over kid's heads, but they are generally pretty minor or toned down enough that can pass the films off as rated G/PG.

After all, Disney films have very easy and digestible morals: true beauty lies on the inside, don't judge people on their background, follow your dreams but don't lose sight on what's important, don't talk to strangers unless they're hot, invite everyone to the christening- things like that.

Disney films for the longest time have been a sort of moral standard since they have such a big influence on Western culture. Because of that, many fairy tales they have made films about tend to throw out some of the more grim and dark details attached to these tales.

Take Cinderella.

In the original Grimm's Fairy Tale, the happy couple ride off into the sunset while her step-sisters get their eyes plucked out by Cinderella's birds. In fact, before that, the step-sister's lopped off bits of their foot to try and fit into the glass slipper, only to be found out as the slipper gets soaked in blood.

Now I don't know about y'all, but I don't see anyone complaining that Disney left out those details. Okay, well the general consensus, at least.

But Cinderella is a classic fairy tale that had many adaptations and versions from across the world that allowed Disney to pull inspiration from, so who cares that they didn't follow the Brothers Grimm line-by-line?

And that's a good point.

There are versions where Cinderella isn't as gruesome. Charles Perrault, another very famous fairy tale author, had his own version of Cinderella where her step-sisters are fully intact by the end of the story. So it's quite obvious Disney was more attached to this version since it was much more decent.

Just like Cinderella, Greek Mythology has hundreds of different versions about just a single myth. You have Hesiod, Homer, Apollodorus, Ovid and those are just the writers from thousands of years ago. Nowadays, we have thousands of modern adaptations, translations, and rewrites of Greek myth to comb through.

There's just so much to choose from! And that's not even considering how interchangeable Greek myth is with its Roman counterpart.

What that means is you're never going to be able to get everyone to agree on one myth. Sure we can agree on certain details, but just like Ancient Greece, every city state had it's own version of a myth.

Herakles or Hercules was no exception.

Yet it's like I alluded to as well. There are some certain details that remain consistent from myth to myth.

Now let's look at a story that doesn't have a lot of versions to pull from, and just like Disney Hercules, it was heavily toned down: The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

This Disney film is arguable the most sanitized of the animated adaptations. A personal favorite of mine that far outranks Hercules in every way, but it was a huge hurdle to adapt.

From Esmeralda's attempted SA and death, racism, Quasi being bound and abused in jail, Phoebus' less than honorable pursuit of Esmeralda, Frollo's creepy obsession and his horrific control over Quasimodo, the religious themes and motifs, it's crazy how Disney was able to adapt it at all.

While it is pulling from Victor Hugo's original novel, there were a dozen films made before it that also tried to adapt this famous tale. The 1939 version of this film starring Maureen O'Hara is one of the greatest films ever made. For it's time, it made an incredible movie that sanitized many of the darker aspects in a way that cemented this classic tale into a more modern audience.

So is it any surprise that a lot was dialed down in Disney's version so children could also understand the message Victor Hugo was trying to tell? That the deformity Quasimodo was born with unfortunately led him to have a very harsh life- not because his disability affected his quality of life, but because of how society viewed/treated him. Their own perception led him to be isolated, ostracized, abused, and pitied. Likewise with beauty and race in Esmeralda's case.

They are different sides to the same coin.

I have a lot to talk about with Quasimodo. The next disney movie I will begin analyzing will be Hunchback, so prepare yourselves as I wrap up on Hercules.

But I digress.

Because Disney films are catered towards children, is it any wonder Hercules got the same treatment?

Part II: Greek Myths for Dummies

Greek Mythology is not an easy thing to adapt for a single film. Disney films, especially animated ones, are gonna get you at most a 90 minute timeslot and that's already a lot to ask for a highly-trained team of animators, musicians, writers, actors, artists, etc.

There are a lot of bases to cover.

Especially since this may very well be a kid's first introduction into Greek mythology. So we have a lot to answer

Like...

Why is Zeus king of the gods? Why does he have so many kids? How does the afterlife work? Why do I have to pay a man to get into hell? Are winged horses normal here? Why are the Titans bad? What goddess is that with the funny flower headband? Why won't they name all the background gods- are they important in the world? Is being compared to Aphrodite a good thing? Why doesn't Zeus realize his brother is trying to kill him? Why can't I have hubris as a treat?

All good questions, dear reader. And with a limited timeslot, there's not a lot they can talk about, so animators are throwing as much visual exposition as possible.

But who is this glittering assemblage?

That's why to understand what's going on you have to have prior knowledge to get what's going on in the background.

Like Lord of the Rings. Big world, lots of story to tell. The Silmarillion will help, but that's already a lot for a first time fan.

And since Hercules is written with kids in mind, it has to be rewritten some. So the established canon is kind of being thrown out the window, rearranged, and patched up like an old man who threw off an emperor's groove.

But Gerald Scarfe and a team of Disney animators managed to combine the former's caricature design style to the Disney standard to create Disney Hercules' unique style.

These gods aren't given the background character design treatment you'll find in other Disney movies, they are very stylized and exaggerated to visually convey their personality, their role in this universe, and if they're good or bad.

And the nice thing is, Greek mythology has an extensive list of symbols associated with each god that allowed Disney's own technicolor pantheon to reflect the very same icons.

Look at Athena above. There's her war helm, her breastplate, a cute little owl. She screams war goddess, but look how gentle she is with the bird. Her glass of nectar is a prop to show off her generosity, her self-restraint, and her desire to keep the peace.

But on the flip side, Ares is in the same get-up as her, war helm, breastplate, but his sword is drawn and his stance is one of action. We can see both these war gods are similar, but their temperaments and approach to war (same as their personalities) are so drastically different, and their color scheme helps so much as well.

It's incredible how much detail was poured into this and while I can go on gushing about the designs, we must push on.

Say what you want about how accurate the greek mythos is shown downgrades the overall movie, but the background story is lining up with a lot of the context we would lose were this in any other medium. The gods, how they look, their personalities- it's there.

It's accurate.

Sure the same cannot be said about the gods and mortals who have a role in the overall story they made, but that's the last issue this post will hopefully tackle.

Part III: A Hero's Journey

While Disney had already dipped their toes into Greek mythology with the likes of Fantasia and Goddess of Spring, Hercules was the first try to make it more than just a short.

So the myth they chose to adapt had to be iconic. They couldn't do it about the gods- that's just too much drama. They needed a hero, someone who struggled and fought and had a support group comprising of supernatural beings. And who is the most famous hero of Greek Myth?

Herakles.

There's just a few slight issues with that, heh...

Herakles is a really rough story.

To summarize, Zeus magics up a disguise to look like the mortal Amphitryon to woo the guy's wife, Alcmene. She gets preggers, Hera finds out and naturally goes ballistic. So Zeus pulls a fast one on his wife to save his kid, and thus Hera nurses baby Herk giving him god-like strength. A few assassination attempts later, Herakles grows up, marries, and has kids. Despite this, Hera isn't done, but she doesn't target the H man anymore, oh no, she sends him into a fit of madness whereby he decimates his entire family. Once it passes he works for a king, like his distant cousin, and he does 12 increasingly intense labors as a sort of penance and at the end of it, he's promised immortality or an indefinite Hera leaves him alone pass. Wonder Boy finishes that, but then he gets infected with centaur blood after taking on his dad's worst personality trait (adultery), he dies via his own funeral pyre, but at the last second his dad saves him and he becomes a god.

And Disney is gonna try adapting that???

That's about a dozen labors in itself, so how are they gonna do it?

To summarize here are the elements Herakles has going on that can be adapted to your standard Disney film:

Protagonist: Hercules (b/c the Roman version is much more popular)

Damsel in Distress: Megara or Deianeira (most notable love interests in myth)

Side-kicks: Iolaus (Hmm those undertones, huh)

Antagonist: Hera

Flaw: wrath / impetuous/ salacious

Unique ability / quirk: super strength

We have a pretty solid line-up for a story here. But at the time in the 90's, there is already another adaptation of Hercules going on strong: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.

This show first came out in the mid-90's and ended a couple years after Disney's Hercules dropped.

So how are they going to make it distinct from that?

It's really easy actually.

Super easy.

Disney's Hercules got a lot of inspiration from Superman (Christopher Reeves version).

Hercules is literally an innocent farm boy (mild-mannered Clark Kent), Meg is your hotshot spitfire Lois Lane, and Hades is your bald megalomaniac investing millions of dollars trying to axe one guy - Lex Luthor.

And let's be honest, the myth of Herakles reads like a modern superhero. He has super strength, he fights monsters, there's a damsel in distress every now and then- he fits the bill!

At this point in time, Disney didn't have a superhero and since that started to be a bigger appeal as the 90's marched on (*laughs in Marvel*)

It was a smart choice to bridge this tale to the modern time.

So for that reason, if they were going to make Hercules a super hero-esque character. He needed a villain and Hera wasn't going to cut it.

Part IV: A Hera-Shaped Hole

Hera was absolutely vicious in myth. This lady orchestrated the entire demise of Herk's family, his sanity, and his freedom. She wanted him to suffer just so Zeus could see how betrayed she felt every time he had a dalliance with a mortal.

Zeus never learned, but Hera's tactics did. And it was by her hand that sent Hercules into servitude under his cousin, the king. A title Herakles should've had had Hera not intervened.

And while wicked step-mothers are abundant in Disney's canon, it wasn't going to work because she's Zeus' wife. Yes, Hera received repercussions for starting a coup against her husband once in myth, but it was a brief punishment. Most of the time this couple can't stand each other, but they are what's keeping the pantheon together. And Hestia's cooking.

But here's the thing, Hera may be a bad person in this myth and others involving sons of Zeus, but she's a good person in other myths. Even at the beginning of this one, Hera found an abandoned baby and nursed him because he was all alone and crying out of hunger. She has her virtue, she's a good queen.

Yet with her iconography of peacocks, marriage, family, cows, and queen of the heavens and gods, she gives off very ethereal imagery.

This was the lady sending monsters and horrors of Typhon and Echidna's brood- that's her?

It can be done, I'm sure someone will do it better than Blood of Zeus, but it's much harder to adapt, especially with Treasure Planet on the duo of director's mind.

Just see Lindsey Ellis' Disney Hercules video, you'll understand.

But y'know that thing with the monsters.... Kinda cool. Monsters coming in from the pits of hell- pretty rad i guess. Well who else could throw a litany of monsters at our little hero?

Oh.

Yeah, okay, fine.

Hades, you're hired.

Yeah, the direction of this movie absolutely did a backflip the second the writers wanted Hades as their villain.

However, based on concept art, this was something they wanted from the very start and I'm sure we can all see the appeal.

I mean as soon as this movie came out so many other greek myth adaptations jumped to make Hades a bad guy, and like kudos to y'all, but this really is the easiest god you can paint as a villain. Home boy literally is dark and dank and emo as can be. Congrats we found another goblin sewer man to dress up as the mustache twirling evil-doer!

Like... This writes itself.

And pitting a god of the dead vs a mortal who's striving for immortality? It's poetry. It's an on the nose symbolism. I can't make it any clearer.

There's even an excerpt in Revelations that Disney references:

"Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire." 20:14 (NIV)

Hades is written as a Devil character. He's a deal maker, soul stealer. There's so much you can do with a Mephistopheles archetype. It's always a show stopper, I mean Ursula did it with extra steps.

Hera is a goddess of the heavens. Hercules is fighting the heavens to get into Heaven(TM). That's all kinds of complicated to simplify in a kid's film.

We want a villain to be scary, to be mean, and unjustified in their cruelty.

Hera wasn't going to work since Herakles' mother (though unwillingly) is the other woman. It would paint Zeus as another morally bad person. Why on earth would Herc look up to that guy? In fact, why would he want to join a band of morally corrupt people?

So let's make a new villain.

We can have the hero endure a different kind of pain.

The damsel's story doesn't have to end tragically because of a betrayal.

Make the story relevant and simple.

What archetypes can we match up to make this ancient myth fit into the modern day?

Make it clean, and make it understandable for kids. Throw in as many myths as possible so kids can see how big this world is.

The mythology is wrong, sure, but we'll spark that interest. We can make mythology fun. It'll make kids curious to learn more about them.

It certainly worked for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Part V: Conclusion

This movie is an absolute blast. I think many fans can agree and though the story does have its issues (See Conflicts series), it did it's job. With such a fun and memorable cast, lovingly animated characters, and mind-melting musical numbers, it stands uniquely among the other adaptations of Greek Mythology and perhaps it's why there was a bit of a resurgence in it's popularity as time marched on.

Herakles is a tale of struggle, sacrifice, and courage. One man battled and fought to achieve the divine, but at the end of his life, he did what few other mortals were ever able to do.

And Disney's Hercules took that character and developed him in such a loving way. To see his struggle both internal and external, it's a beautiful circle when he accepts his mortality and gives up his greatest dream for love. He didn't belong anywhere, caught between heaven and earth. Yet somehow he found it with someone who had been through hell and was hungry for heaven.

And just remember.

Not every work of fiction has to adhere to these magical bylaws that dictate how your Greek Myth AU must follow. However, I would like to softly counter-point my own point and say if you are going to make interpretations of greek mythology, be they musicals, video games, fanfics, or modern retellings, one must include the soul of the character they are based on. Hadestown, Hades(the game), Percy Jackson (most of the time), and the God of War franchise being prime examples.

Disney's Hercules took these characters and made them more exaggerated and updated to fit modern archetypes that are prominent in a Western Christian based-society. To me, I still see the soul of what these characters represent, even if some things were heavily condensed or rewritten.

Stories evolve. As is the nature of living things.

Till next time, Dear Readers.

[pitythynameislife]

*crashes AGAIN into your asks*

I can ask anything I want??? Hmmm, perfect!

Okay, so, I don't know if this counts as spoilers or not, but ever since Tianlang-Jun brought up the topic of grandchildren, I have been thinking...

Okay, so I don't actually know whether the story will include mpreg or not (and I'm not gonna demand it either way), I usually assume yes in Omegaverse stories, but since the fic didn't feature that tag, I won't, BUT, I have to admit that I have been thinking about the idea, and SPECIFICALLY, because of the last chapter, I have been thinking of the idea of all the new little ducklings (disciples) just crowding around a new baby (I'm a sucker for baby girls). I can already imagine Xu Lian, the youngest baby, immediatly taking the role of big sister and teaching sign language to the baby.

I'm a sucker for baby fics, okay??? Even if it won't be canon, it's fun and cute to think about!

but back to the actual story: We already have the horse, the snake and the ember lion (I only remember the name Huo Qiang, please forgive me), BUT will LQG and LHB truly not give their pretty omega more beasts??? specially with how happy he gets with them and how they all seem to immediatly swear fealty for him??? He needs a celestial dragon, something for the Palace Master to fume over in the corner. He is a natural disney princess and should be treated as such!

Speaking of the Palace Master, fuck that guy! Fuck him straight to hell! Need something to pluck the Little Palace Mistress from there and place her in Ling Shou so she gets dirty and has FUN while doing it, like a normal kid! Before the spoilness sets too deep! SHE'S STILL YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE SAVED.

Also, where the fuck are LQG and LBH??? I have questions and they better have the answers!

Okay, I think I have more things to ask about, but this is all for now, thank you so much for your fic! All your updates make me very happy!

A baby in the future???? Me???? I could never 🤭

(I already have the names picked out. SY might just have to suffer through it a bit for Tianlang-Jun's quadruplets like he wanted)

Shen Yuan definitely deserves as many spiritual beasts as he can get a hold of! And I can promise you, there will be many more to come. He just has that instant Disney princess--wife beam that makes anything potentially dangerous or deadly think

: You know what, we like this guy. This is one cool-as-shit guy.

The recon mission to save the Little Palace Mistress and Gongyi Xiao would be approved by Shen Yuan and all of Ling Shou once they heard about the Old Palace Master (He'd have a hoard of children biting at his ankles within the moment.)

We shall soon see where Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge are! If you have any more questions, feel free to ask away!

[astromaki]

part 4 of second choice — ceo!shoto todoroki x gn!reader (x ceo!katsuki bakugo) (1170 words)

part 1. part 2. part 3. (previous)

tw ; minors dni angst, toxic family, low self-esteem, mention of divorce, mention of alcohol

extra info; all the characters are aged up (they are 30)

10 minutes after the confrontation. your mother called you that night, a few minutes after you left your home.

it was exactly what you didn't need at the time. that endless lecture, one of the thousands she had been giving you since you were little. those words full of venom had lost their importance to you over the years.

all the time the same slanders, the same insults, the same belittling. but it was all your fault, right ?

you were disappointing your family to get your way. how selfish were you?

thanks to your rich parents, you had married a wealthy and influential man in this society. just go to the gala with him, smile at the reporters. be presentable.

and yet that's what you tried to do. for months, for years. you wanted to be perfect for him, for this man. but did he even acknowledge the fact that you were living in the same fucking house ? of course no. so, divorce you from shoto todoroki ? do it, do it and you will be disinherited.

is that what you really want ? to please your family, stay unhappy with this todoroki.

it's the least you can do. you were a spoiled brat, no better than your father said you mother. why didn't you take a cue from your older sister and brother ? they seemed to have made it in life, unlike you.

so don't complain, you had only one purpose in life. just one, it's not too much to ask. to marry a rich young man from high society to raise his children and continue the y/l/n dynasty.

instead you went to law school, studied instead of slutting around with the bourgeois sons of your family friends.

you succeeded, you created your own name, not the name of your maiden or your future husband. you created this image of an influential person. confident, arrogant, the men were at your feet. but then shoto came.

you knew him from afar, a friend of a friend of your father's apparently. the young man was polite at every event, gala. well-bred, intelligent, charismatic, eloquent.

how could you not fall in love with him ?

then you were married to him. and he only needed that haughty look to destroy all those years of work.

he made you feel like a kid by his side, a spoiled, naive and reckless child. that ridicule and shame he made you feel when you had done something you were proud of.

this feeling of inferiority that you had managed to escape from your family, you had found it again with this frightening man. you had become the clown in your own house, the servants must have laughed at your domestic scenes.

he had succeeded in making you forget your wedding anniversary, savoring the pleasures that a man can give you with a simple compliment, or even a small sign of affection. the todoroki had always been a respected, even feared name. because of the father, now because of the son.

so, you were a fool to develop ever stronger feelings for him. ever bigger.

but it wasn't your fault, your parents didn't show you any love, any gesture of affection, you didn't talk that much except for business and inheritance.

their love was cold. reserved, distant. you knew they loved you, and that was enough for you.

you were used to that kind of affection, that was your definition of love.

that's why you were so easily attracted to those who didn't deserve you. those who so easily played on your true love. so easily in love with shoto todoroki and his cold love. that's what you knew well. you felt protected with that, and in danger when they gave you too much. too bad it wasn't reciprocated.

too bad you couldn't see that green jealousy tinting katsuki's cheeks. oh let's talk about katsuki.

that poor idiot who had made this rivalry in his head between him and shoto. he hated him for treating you so badly, neglecting such an extraordinary person as you. what did he see in momo that he didn't see in you ?

this asshole must have had very few neurons to miss the treasure that you were.

but he hated you too. how could you fall in love with him ? when katsuki was standing right in front of you ?

bakugou started from nothing, created this company, built a flourishing empire. and now he's playing with billions of dollars so he can approach you and your family with dignity at the most coveted galas of the moment in all of east asia. fuck, for you, y/n, he even became the enemy of shoto todoroki !

and all you did was complain that shoto didn't compliment your outfit or your new hairstyle. you were brainwashed. he knew that you would always return to shoto like a dog to his master. that all shoto had to do was whistle for you to come back and beg him to let you love him, again and again.

he love you sincerely, it's so pure, so loyal. and itd be the most genuine passion you would ever meet again. but his desire to destroy the todoroki son far exceeded his love for you, y/n.

what a pathetic fate. even in the eyes of your soulmate, between you and revenge, you would be the second choice.

todoroki was standing outside his window with a glass of scotch in his hand. he saw you leaving in the arms of your charming knight, now fleeing him like the plague.

katsuki was waiting for you in his luxury car, ready to take you to your so-called business meeting. seeing you walk away from him, from your home, to throw yourself into the lion's den.

he wasn't jealous, he wasn't happy either. he did not feel lighter or heavier. it's strange, it can't be explained. shoto finally got what he wanted for years. to see you go. and yet.

he turned his head slowly as he saw the car leave the property. his gaze fell on the bed, he foolishly expected to see you in your nightie on the bed, asleep on the edge of the bed. a tired sigh escaped from his lips. the same sentence ran round and round in his head.

you hadn't learned anything from your mistakes. you were always running to rich men who didn't care about you. like him, like bakugou katsuki.

he was almost tempted to look back you. it's true, even though, you had always been a pain in the ass for him.

what did he owe you now ?

"a couple of jerks, what a great pair. tell me you're going to win all her money in the divorce." sighs momo at his side.

shoto had his back to her, now following with his eyes the tiny point of light that was bakugou's car.

"i don't know. but at least we're free of that pain in the ass. she's gone." he says, almost whispering.

the young man put the pen on the desk, close to the sheet of paper that now contained your two signatures.

go check 5000$ if you want more toxic shoto <3

🔖 tag list ; @nveusii @angelofthorr @missmolliemoo @jazzylove @loki-an-idiot @deepestranchgoopdeputy @mhasimp666 @shotorozu @chscklvr @devilsbooksworld @beigeunburdened @marshmallow12345 (those in bold cannot be tagged!)

[dutchdread]

Bruh, we don't want to hear about your negative views about cleriths. Cloud loves Aerith and he always has. He lives in her church because he loves her. He thought of Aerith a lot in OG , On the Way to A Smile, and AC. He went to live in her church. Why tf would he go live in her church if it wasn't for Aerith? There are millions of places he could've gone but he chose the church. You don't have to believe our way of thinking if you don't want to, but don't tag clerith in your posts.

Thanks for your question. I think it's important to have these conversations so we can clear up these misunderstandings. Clouds motivations have been well documented so it's unfortunate that large swaths of the fandom seemingly are still in the dark about something that has been known for quite a long time, and I blame lack of communication. Before I answer your question though I'd like to address the style of it, since I find it amusing that in response to my article concerning productive conversation styles you not only used one of the styles I described, but even the same exact argument. This is a nice confirmation for me that I am right on the money. In my article, I said that the "dishonest inquiry" is the Clerith conversation style of choice. The example I gave was as follows:

The dishonest inquiry: “Why don’t you admit that Clouds actions in AC show that he doesn’t love Tifa?”

You mirrored this approach by saying "Why tf would he go live in her church if it wasn't for Aerith?". The defining characteristic of the dishonest inquiry is that the question isn't asked with the goal of seeking clarification, but as an offensive tactic meant to attack the others position, you're not trying to evaluate your position, you're trying to get others to re-evaluate their position under the guise of a question. If we look at the rest of your post we can see the indicators I described for someone who has reached the last stage of the debate style. "Cloud loves Aerith and he always has. He lives in her church because he loves her". As I noted in my article:

If assertions are backed up, they are backed up with other assertions designed to dissuade rebuttals, rather than investigating veracity.

This "argument" had no actual arguments, it was a meaningless assertion. Stating that you are correct in an attempt to avoid having to actual show that you're correct. "Cloud loves Aerith and he always has. He lives in her church because he loves her": This is what you're trying to prove, you can't state what you're trying to prove as your starting premise.

If you're honestly interested in learning more about FFVII then leave out the baseless assertions, they literally just waste peoples time and makes them less willing to engage with you.

If I had to rephrase your question in a way that's more inviting for a productive discussion it would be something like this:

"Why do you believe Cloud chose Aeriths Church as his hiding place in AC? He thinks about Aerith a lot, what do you think the reason is for that if it's not love?".

The answer to this is pretty simple of course, it's been restated several times, this is not something that is some grand mystery, it's not even an aspect of FFVII that's particularly ambiguous. The reason he stays in Aeriths church is the same reason he's seen lingering at Zacks "grave", it's guilt. As stated in the 10th anniversary ultimania, and several other times:

when Cloud contracts Geostigma he disappears. Behind these actions lies feelings of guilt towards his past failure to protect people who were important to him

While this is an element of the story that has been explicitly confirmed through ultimanias and quotes, this is not an element of the story that was ever in any way unclear, its a direct continuation of Clouds character arc in FFVII. Infact, Clouds mental health issues are the central part of the fake persona storyarc, and is arguably the core of the story. The rough order of events shown in FFVII, on the way to a smile, and Advent children (and also CC) concerning Clouds mental health is as follows. 1: Cloud as a boy want to protect Tifa. 2: Cloud fails to protect Tifa. 3: Cloud and townspeople blame Cloud for Tifas injuries. 4: Cloud internalizes this and beats himself up over his failure to protect Tifa. He develops a fear of failure. 5: Cloud starts acting up, starts wanting to prove himself, and decides to join Soldier to impress Tifa. 6: Cloud fails to get into Soldier, develops an inferiority complex. 7: Cloud is too ashamed of his failure to face Tifa. 8: Cloud fails to save his mother. 9: Cloud fails to save Nibleheim. 10: Cloud fails to save Tifa, again. 11: Cloud fails to save Zack. 12: Cloud develops a soldier alter ego that is everything that he isn't, as a defense mechanism. He hides from his own weakness. 13: Even as a soldier, Cloud fails to save Aerith. 14: Cloud regains his memories in the lifestream, and discovers he did fulfill his promise to come save Tifa. Here we basically end FFVII, and go into on the way to a smile. At this point Cloud has overcome the alien parasite messing with his mind by establishing a stronger sense of who he is. However, now that he's lost his fake soldier defense mechanism he's forced to deal with the past. His past failures haven't been fixed, he doesn't suddenly think he's a great person now, he simply can no longer use his fake persona to hide from his own weakness, and is forced to confront it. 15: Cloud still blames his own weakness for the deaths of Aerith and Zack, he thinks that he needs to atone for his sins, and thinks that the only way to do this is through living* 16: Cloud starts living with Tifa and experiences happiness and peace for the first time in his adult life.** 17: Cloud develops cherophobia and survivors guilt. He feels ashamed for being alive and happy while Aerith and Zack are dead because of him.*** 18: Clouds mental health deteriorates because of these feelings.**** 19: Cloud finds Denzel and sees him as a way to atone, having found a pathway to redemption, Clouds situation improves.***** 20: Cloud is unable to save Denzel from geostigma, and contracts it himself. 21: Clouds mental health worsens again, he failed again, he is unable to save Denzel, he is even unable to save himself, he won't be able to atone for his sins through living. He potentially brought an infectious disease into the house and as a result of his actions Tifa and Marlene will now lose him. 22: Depressed and ashamed, Cloud runs away. He thinks Tifa and Marlene are better off without him, he doesn't want them to see him waste away and die, he feels like he doesn't deserve to be happy and should instead die alone, Etc. Classic depression. (Some quotes concerning the *** are at the bottom of the article)

As for why he thinks about Aerith and Zack a lot, and hangs around the places that are connected with them, what else do you expect? Of course he's thinking about them, they're the people he failed, they're DEAD because of him. Cloud is a caring man, he beats himself up over it, of course he'd be thinking about them. And where else would a man wallowing in guilt and self-pity go than to those places? But the important thing to remember is that none of this is supposed to be seen as romantic. It's supposed to be viewed as sad and negative. Every internal character arc has something to overcome and this is what Cloud has to overcome in Advent children.****** Tifa to Cloud: "have we lost to our memories?" Cloud to Sephiroth: "Stay where you belong, in my memories" A well written story has internal and external obstacles to overcome, and ties the two together. In the case of advent children, the return of Sephiroth is the physical representation of Clouds internal character arc, which is that he should stop living in the past, and should move on. The past here isn't a positive thing he wants to get back to, Clouds past has always been a thing he's ran away from, but then is forced to accept. The past in Clouds case is a bad thing, his failures, and is something he should stop dwelling on. If you've ever seen the lion king, this resembles the scene where Rafiki hits Simba with a stick. "What does it matter, it's in the past", "yeah but it still hurts", "Oh Yes, the past can hurt, but the way I see it you can either run from it, or learn from it".

When Cloud returned to his normal self, he stopped running from the past, but as a result, he started dwelling in it. That's what he's doing in Aeriths church; dwelling in misery.

If we juxtapose Aeriths church with the 7th heaven, we can start to see where peoples misunderstandings are taking place. When some people look at the events of ACC they think that 7th heaven is a place of sadness, which Cloud leaves to be happy at Aeriths church, the place of happiness. The "have we lost to our memories" is then seen as a confirmation of this and that the memory, which they think corresponds to Aerith, is better than life with Tifa. This character arc then concludes with Cloud being happy by finally leaving Tifa behind, and riding off in the sun-set in search of Aerith at the end of the movie. But this interpretation falls apart as soon as you apply context to it, both narratively, and factually, it doesn't fit with with developer quotes, as well as the fundamental story themes of FFVII. 1: If 7th Heaven/Tifa is a place of sadness, then why has Cloud been consistently quoted to experience happiness there? 2: If 7th Heaven/Tifa is a place of sadness, and Cloud leaves at the end of the movie, then why has it been stated to be his promised land, aka, his land of supreme happiness (the reason it's literally called 7th heaven), and why is he stated to return there? ******* 3: If Clouds "memories" are positive, why is the plotarc resolved by Cloud telling the villain to "stay there"? 4: If Cloud is happy at the church, why is he living in self-deprecating squalor? 5: If Cloud loved Aerith and thought Denzel was sent to him by her, why did he abandon him? 6: Do you really think SE would write a story about a "hero" whose main emotional hurdle concerning the past comes down to. "I am sick of the girl I am with, I prefer the one that is dead, so I will get over the past by letting go of the girl I am with, as well as my adoptive children, to go chase the dead girl"? 7: Don't you think this would do Tifas character a tremendous disservice and do you think SE would be that preferential in their treatment? I could go on, but I think the point is clear. While the "Aeriths church is a happy place" interpretation is semi-coherent when looked at in isolation, it becomes exceedingly bizarre as soon as you place it in context. As I am fond of saying, this is not a matter of personal interpretation, it's a matter of lying to yourself vs not lying to yourself. I also suspect that this is the reason why SE changed the ending to advent Children, because people were misinterpreting it in this bizarre way, so they made it more in your face. In context, the following interpretation is much more fitting. Aeriths church is a place of sadness that Cloud runs to because of his guilt and depression. The "memories" line refers to Cloud dwelling on his past mistakes, as evidenced by his constant quotes about needing forgiveness. The character arc of moving on from the past is then resolved when he forgives himself, and as a result, defeats sephiroth, the metaphorical demon of his past. This allows him to return to his place of joy, his promised land, the 7th heaven, with a more positive outlook on the past. Instead of tarnishing Aerith and Zacks memories by wallowing in the past he instead moves on from it, thereby allowing it to become beautiful, which is represented by him planting Aeriths flowers on Zacks grave, and placing Zacks sword in the church. Instead of Zacks grave being the place where Zack died, it is now the place where a hero was born. Cloud has moved on, he has let his mistakes go, and has learned to come to terms with himself. I think it's hard to argue that this version of events is much less shallow, and much more meaningful than the story of a lovesick guy who abandons his partner and adoptive kids to go chase after a dead girl, but that's just me, what's more important is that it's the only version of events that's corroborated by the evidence. Thanks for the question. __________________________________________________

Corroborating quotes (not comprehensive)

* from case of Tifa: "“I’m going to live. I think that’s the only way I can be forgiven. All sorts of things…"

** Nojima in AC prologue: "“Cloud never had a candid personality to begin with, and although he started living with Tifa and even started working, he obtained a peaceful livinghe’s never experienced before, and this conversely made him anxious. And in the midst of this he contracts Geostigma himself, and rather than being able to protect the people dear to him, he instead was forced to face his own death, and so ran away.” (among other quotes)

*** 10th anniversary ultimania: "when Cloud contracts Geostigma he disappears. Behind these actions lies feelings of guilt towards his past failure to protect people who were important to him"

Aeriths 10th anniversary profile : Aerith still lives on in the hearts of her friends who saved the planet. And in particular to Cloud, as a symbol of his failure to having being unable protect those dear to him, she was a major factor in causing him to close himself off. -Aerith’s 10th anniversay profile.

And more, really this is reiterated constantly.

**** From case of Tifa: "During that time, it was Marlene who noticed a change in Cloud. She told Tifa how Cloud would sometimes space out and not listen to her.

Transporting mail around the world meant he was traveling around his past too. She knew that Cloud was in great pain because he couldn’t protect Aerith. Cloud was trying to overcome that and live on. But, going back to the place where he parted from Aerith might mean that his sorrow and regret was going to tear his heart again.

It was night, and they had closed the bar. Cloud was drinking alcohol even though he rarely did. He drained his glass. Tifa thought about it before going over and filling his glass.

***** From case of Tifa: "Tifa wondered if they became a real family after Denzel appeared. Cloud was clearly taking less jobs. At night, he would always make sure he had time to spend with the children. The silly little conversations he had with Tifa were also back."

****** Reunion files, page 58: "As long as Cloud blames himself for Aerith’s death, he won’t be able to move on with his life. One of the first ideas we had for Advent Children was to have Cloud overcome and resolve that immense feeling of guilt. For Cloud, no one other than Aerith can solve that problem for him."

- Takahiro Sakurai pg. 15 reunion files: After Cloud was told, “Which is it? A memory or us?: by Tifa, he tells Sephiroth, “Stay where you belong. In my memories,” just before he defeats him. I think Cloud finally becomes free at this moment. Deep down, Cloud knew that he shouldn’t be so hard on himself, but at the same time he couldn’t let go of those feelings of guilt for what happened to Aerith and Zack, or the thought that he could never forgive himself for it. But then his companions made him feel better by telling him to let go. ******* "The place where he awakens—- That is Cloud’s Promised Land As he sleeps, Cloud hears two voices. The voices of two people very dear to him, who are no longer with him. Playfully and kindly, they give him a message: he doesn’t belong here yet. When he awakes, there was his friends. There were the children, freed from their fatal illness. Tifa and Marlene, and Denzel asking for Cloud to heal his Geostigma— his family were waiting. Engulfed in celebration, he realizes where he is meant to live."

"Aerith lends her power to the people suffering from Geostigma in Edge, and personally provides for Cloud’s recovery. Geostigma is cured. Cloud returns to Tifa and the children."

-  FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania Complete Timeline

[knockknockchicagopd]

❛ SECOND CHANCE ❜

❚❙ REQUEST BY ANON: Hi! I hope your day is going well I just wanted to say I loved your Hank Voight imagine and I wanted to make a request if that’s ok? If you could do one where the reader gets seriously hurt and Voight goes out for revenge and Voight gets even more protective of her than normal.

❚❙ HANK VOIGHT MASTERLIST.

❚❙ WORDS: about 1k.

❚❙ HEADCANON.

❚❙ A/N: this writing hasn’t been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I’m sorry about that. If you find a description about body or a word out of place, or something that it makes you feel uncomfortable / unrepresented, let me know by a private message and I will change it delighted.

❚❙ GIF credits: to my wonderful @sonsofeorl.

❚❙ Tag list: @melblacc. If you want to be added to my tag list, send me a message.

The stab took you by surprise. You didn't see it coming. Patrolling the streets on foot in broad daylight. You were distracted talking with your partner about going to Molly's after finishing your shift.

Then, you felt the cold blade trespassing your blue shirt and ripping your skin and being sunk deep inside your guts. Before twisting it to cause you a worse damage.

Your body went into shock as the blood drew out of your body, falling down without being able to hold yourself from your partner.

Trying to not close your eyes, feeling life abandoning your chest, the voices around calling for an ambulance became farther and farther, until you couldn't hear anything.

Voight and you broke up, after almost two years of relationship because of some trouble you had with him through the fault of Justin, but you never changed your emergency contact.

So, he was the first person to be called from the hospital.

When he came, you were still in the surgery. And the doctors didn't know how much it was going to take them in.

Hank decided to catch your attacker in the meantime, after the situation drove himself insane waiting for less than five minutes without being able to do anything for you. Just being able to walk in the waiting room from one side to another, like a locked lion.

And of course he caught him. One hour after, the man was handcuffed inside the cage of the Intelligence Unit.

Hank used him as a boxing bag, the ten minutes Platt let him to be alone with your attacker.

When the cops came to pick him up and saw that he was bleeding all around, Hank just claimed that he fell down the stairs.

But there weren't any stairs.

The first thing you feel, as you wake up slowly, is a hand tightly holding yours.

Using your free one to take off the tubes stuck in your nose, you move your head to the right over the pillow.

The mattress sinks close to your body, a second before that a pair of rough lips are pressed on your forehead.

You're disorientated, opening your eyelids to find Hank's crystal eyes.

You can't help but show him a fleeting smile, watching him lying by your side to wrap your body with his arms, carefully to not rip off any other tube from your wrist and chest.

“What happened…?” You whisper with a dry tone of voice, because of the lack of wetness in your throat, coughing inevitably.

“Shh… don't worry about that now, baby. It's okay, I took care of it. I will take care of you”.

After three days in the hospital, Will discharges you, trusting in Voight's words.

He's not going to leave you again.

He has asked for a couple days else to be with you at his house.

He has prepared consciousness every corner of his house and he has already gone to yours to pack enough clothes and other things you can need.

Hank's attention is twenty four hours on you, being sure that you take your meds, that you're comfy on the sofa, that you have your favorite snacks and your favorite drinks.

He blames himself.

The 21st District is the most secure in Chicago, in reality. But when you two broke up, you asked for a transfer to the 9th.

This wouldn't have happened if you would have stayed in his district.

You have heard him crying in the bathroom, in the middle of the night, waking you up.

Dragging your feet over the cold floor, pressing a hand against your side when you receive a lash of pain after the effort of getting up, you step out from the room to cross the hallway and place your ear against the door. The sorrow installed in your chest, being aware that he thinks this is his fault, you can't help but push the wood with your other hand.

Hank stands up as soon as he sees you, clearing his tears with the back of his fingers to pretend that he wasn't really crying. He's about to say something when you interrupt him, leaning on your tiptoes to reach his lips with yours. He doesn't move at first, but it takes him only one second to surround your body with his arms.

Your lips move in sync, spreading all the tenderness you can feel for each other. It doesn't matter how many months have passed, you still feel the same love that united you one day. And without breaking the kiss, he squats enough to grab your legs and lift you up, urging you to put them around his waist. You don't utter a single word, placing your hands on the back of his head as you slowly deepen the kiss by sliding your tongue in his cavity to find his.

“I love you… I've never taken you off from my head. I've been thinking of you every single second of my days, since you left”. His throaty voice leads on your lips like a soft and gentle touch, lying you down carefully back on his bed. Your bed. “I don't want anything in my life, but you. Only you. And I'm sorry for all the things I said, for all the shit I did to you, because you didn't deserve it”.

Keeping you embraced between his arms, against his chest, Hank spreads dearly and sloppy kisses all around your face. Taking his time. No rush. His thumb caresses your cheek, while he rests his head over the pillow. Nose against nose.

“Let me take care of you. Stay with me, please”.

Closing your eyes, you just nod getting comfier sinking your face into his neck. You have missed him, you can't lie and say that he hasn't been your first and your last thought after waking up every morning and before going to sleep every night.

[mostly-mundane-atla]

@paragonrobits @veryever alright, here we go. Technically-not-swears to give your writing a punch that "oh spirits" does not.

@terulakimban, @mikaslilworld, and @589ish were asking for this too so I'll mention them so that they're sure to see it.

Adjectives:

Misbegotten. Implying that someone is of questionable parentage is generally seen as in poor taste at best or incredibly insulting, vulgar "fighting words" at worst.

Cursed. Implying something or someone has done something deserving of a curse and have all the bad luck and unpleasantness that comes with it. Probably the most mild example here.

Damned. Considered more severe and material than "cursed" and often refers to a spiritual sentence or a fated misfortune. Whether or not this is an actual swear can depend on the person and the circumstance.

Poxy. This one is a little spicy because while on the surface it's just referring to illnesses like smallpox, cow pox, or chicken pox, historically, it referred to what English speakers euphemistically referred to as "the French pox" aka syphilis.

Nouns:

Animals. Referring to someone as an animal, especially one associated with unsavory personality traits (snakes and rats come to mind as a prime example), is often considered insulting and even dehumanizing. Note that asses and jackasses are actual animals and how off-limits those words are entirely depends on context

Witch. Often used in place of "bitch" becsuse it rhymes and can be used just as insultingly.

Scum. Refers to just about any icky substance that won't go away

Son of a ____. Insulting one's parentage is again in poor taste or straight up fighting words. The blank can be filled by anything: animals, unpleasant or unwanted things, people of any profession considered disgusting or demeaning. Have fun with it.

Inupiat words:

Honestly, if a fantasy version of Inupiat live in this world (and given two characters from this fantasy culture are named after Inupiat villages in Alaska, specifically, I'm going to specify Inupiat and will appreciate it if folks don't generalize it as Inuit) it only makes sense for Inupiat words to be used in other parts of the world. Influence and cultural exchange doesn't have to be a one way street where the "more advanced" only affect the "less advanced" and indigenous languages have always left traces behind.

Inupiat culture, and therefore language, is very matter of fact. Euphemisms aren't really used because no topic is really considered "too dirty" to talk about with any particular group. Insults are a way of showing love and familiarity. Offense is mainly conveyed through tone and context.

The phrase "anak niģiiñ" (anak meaning "poop," niģi meaning "eat," and -iñ being a suffix which in this case makes a verb a command aimed at one person) has been suggested as an Inupiat translation for the English phrase "eat shit." The words themselves are not bad words as you may think of them; the insult comes instead from how they're used to express anger at and disdain toward the person. Lots of words can be used this way, including any of the words for hell or for things I've alluded to on this post already.

If you're worried about this coming off as appropriative or insensitive, you may be lacking some cultural context for this to feel at home. Feel free to read through my "eskimo on main" tag for inspo on that. I'm willing to answer any other questions you may have as well, though be warned, I'm not exactly the quickest at responding.

Getting Creative - Basic Mode - Curses and Oaths:

We call bad words curses because at one point, they were exactly that. You were cursing someone and that was the greatest offense of it. Common curses include wishing death, illness, or injury on someone, sometimes milder but still unpleasant or uncomfortable experiences to befall them, and more rarely things like natural disasters. In a fantasy universe with fantastical abilities and animals, there are plenty of opportunities to customize this format into something exclusive to the Avatar verse.

An oath, in this sense, is a literal swear. English speakers may be familiar with "I swear on my mother's grave" or the more serious "for the love of god" being said when one is confronted. Here the offense comes from something sacred being invoked so flippantly. I think this is what people are trying to go for with "oh spirits" but it falls short for a few reasons. It doesn't invoke any one thing specifically. Anything can be a spirit and a spirit can take the form of anything. Are you invoking spirits of gentle breezes or torrential downpours? Of tadpoles or lions? Saying something like "by Koh's stolen faces!" or "lightning strike me down!" will make more of an impact than "Oh spirits" ever will.

Getting Creative - Advanced Mode - In-Universe Reference as Self-Censoring:

This one can be a little difficult to figure out, but it's probably my favorite one. Basically, you come up with, say, a historical incident or a bit of media that the people in-universe would know about because of its vulgarity. You don't have to explain it, because the whole point is that the audience doesn't know, just the characters. And you have the character's reference it to suggest vulgarity without having to spell any of it out. Allow me to provide an example:

"And then, well, let's just say I recited the last verse of The Earth Kingdom's Ode to the Firelord, almost word for word."

"The Kyoshi version?"

"The Omashu version!"

"And you got away with it?!?!"

Like most of them, this relies on the other character's reaction to sell it. It's loads of fun once you get it figured out because it feels like you got away with a lot when it's functionally just gibberish.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Two

Words: 4.3K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, violence, drug abuse, domestic abuse

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Vivian strikes again. 

My leg shakes with each tap of my foot as I impatiently wait for her to come through that door. I've been waiting for nearly forty-five minutes. 

Maybe I scared her off with pitching a fit over her not telling me about her miscarriages. But I had a good reason to be upset. Addict or not, I fucking deserved to know what the hell was going on.

"Where's your wife?" Amber asks me, glancing at her watch. 

"Hiding more kids from me, probably." I mumble and she raises her brows, staring at me for a moment. 

"While we wait for her, can you do me a favor?" She asks and I shrug. "Take a few minutes to try to imagine what having kids during the last four years would have been like with your drug addiction. Because you would still have a drug addiction--babies wouldn't have changed that." She points out. "Honestly," she adds. "Close your eyes, and take some breaths, and just use your imagination as to what having children during these last few years would have done to you, and to your wife.

I take a breath and close my eyes, deciding it probably couldn't hurt to try to wrap my head around being a dad right now, especially with as many as she lost...

1984

...I feel Viv's weight shift from me, her eyes closed, a little hum comes from her when she turns her back to me but still keeps close, her feet tangled with mine, her lions mane of hair still spread out over my pillow as well as hers. Despite being half asleep, myself, I tighten my arms hold just under her ribs and pull her to me before my hand slides over her five-month pregnant stomach. 

I lull back to sleep, before I'm woken up merely minutes later by the sound of the baby crying and Vivian pulling herself away from me, putting her robe on to cover her naked body. 

She sighs under her breath, mumbling something, and I sit up. 

"I can go--"

"--No, I got it." She says, dismissively.

"Vivian, are you still pissed at me?" I ask. 

"You ditched me on our anniversary and stayed out all night smoking smack and partying with your moron friends."

"I offered for you to come out with us." I remind her.

"I'm pregnant and we have a daughter here, Nikki. One of us needs to remember that." She adds before stomping out. 

I roll my jaw and feel a spiteful twinge in my mind. 

Perhaps spiteful, perhaps wanting to chase away the guilt of ditching her last night…

I end up in the bathroom, chasing the dragon, curled under my high while hearing Vivian softly sing hymnals to the six-month old…

I assume she knows exactly where I'm at once she's done, because I hear her walk back to our bedroom and, when she usually comes to find me so she's not by herself, she doesn't come looking for me. 

1986

"...No, you idiot, not that…" I say to myself, rubbing my forehead, scribbling out the line of lyrics I've been fighting to get out. 

The door of mine and Viv's bedroom is soon bursting at the hinges, allowing me to fully hear Pierce crying while Frannie and Johnny come rushing into the room, squealing. 

"Hey, hey, hey!" I stop them before they can crawl under the bed. "What's goin' on?" I ask them, slowly hiding the Jack bottle in my bass case.

I spent last night freebasing and I'm still trying to coax myself down. 

Frannie looks at me with sharp green eyes, her brown hair knotty looking from wallowing on the living room carpet earlier...Johnny, brown eyes and red hair, just puts his attention on the pissed off Vivian that's stalking her way in here with the baby. 

"Um," Frannie starts, trying to think up her excuse. 

"Francesca and Johnathan tried to tote Pierce off again." Vivian states, eyeing the two toddlers with daggers, and they slowly sink down to try to use me as a human shield. 

"He's a new baby, Viv, they don't mean any harm. They just--"

"--Okay, well maybe if you put the bass down and actually come in here and help me out, you can supervise them while they 'hold' him, since I'm trying to start on dinner." She states. 

I glance at the kids and then at her…

"Or you can stare at me like an idiot, too." She mumbles, going to shut the door as she says, "You have no issue knocking me up but won't help me with them once they're out."

 I roll my jaw and grab my bottle of Jack, putting my bass back. 

What the fuck? 

If it wasn't for me writing songs, the band wouldn't have new material, which would mean no new album, which would mean no money--not enough to support her and three fuckings kids, anyway, so she should be thanking me for still wanting to provide for my fucking family. Because anybody else with three kids in two years would be putting a bullet through their skull. 

"C'mon, guys," I say to Frannie and Johnny, and they follow me out, Frannie reaching up to grab my hand. 

I put old cartoons on the TV while Viv puts Pierce down to sleep once he's drifted off. 

On her way out of the nursery, I'm stopping her in the hallway, my hand grasping her arm in a tight hold, roughly tugging her into the guest bathroom, cracking the door. 

I've got her against the counter, hand around her throat, gasping little breaths pushing past her lips for a moment as I say, "if you ever talk to me like that in front of my fucking kids again, I'll give you plenty to bitch about." I promise her, lowly, and she just looks up at me and nods. 

"Now turn around." I say next and she glances at the door. 

"Nikki, we don't have tim--"

"--They're watching TV. Turn around." I repeat and she grins a little, licking her lips and turns to face the mirror. 

I'm unzipping my pants, yanking her shorts down and pushing her panties to the side before grabbing a fist full of her hair and sliding it in, tilting my head back and grinning as she makes little whimpers in an attempt to keep from being loud. 

We've mastered the art of 'a good time in a short time,' and once we've both had our release, I'm zipping my pants back up, and she's still bent over the sink, hands white knuckling the edge of the counter, hair in her face, bite marks on her shoulders, cum down her shaking legs, trying to catch her breath.

I kiss the place between her shoulder blades, the back of her neck, her hair, my hand getting her hair from her face to look at her in the mirror.

She's looking at me with a little smile, right before, "I'm pregnant again," comes out and shatters my post-orgasm buzz. 

My knuckles sting as blood rolls down my fist, glass falling onto the counter, sink, and floor, when I drive my fist past her and into the mirror. 

She just hangs her head and I'm getting out, feeling the walls of the bathroom caving in on me. 

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Frannie asks as I grab my keys and my jacket. 

"Nothing, Frannie. Daddy's going out, alright?" I tell her. "When mommy gets in here give her a big hug." I add, seeing Johnny's too enthralled with Charlie Brown to notice I'm even leaving. 

I kiss her head and I'm out the door before Vivian gets out of the bathroom. 

I swear the only thing keeping us together is the fact that when divorce is an unspoken thought for either of us, she gets pregnant. 

I'm twenty-seven years old and I have a two year old, a one year old, a two month old, and now she's fucking knocked up again?!

How the hell is that even possible? Don't chicks need like six months for their bodies to reset after popping kids out or something? Jesus I married a PEZ dispenser with a never ending supply of eggs. 

By the time I get to where I'm going, I already regret it. 

Incense, crack fumes and perfume suffocate me as soon as she opens the door in her bra and panties. 

Not necessarily in a sexy way--more so in a higher than a kite and disheveled type of way. 

Which is perfectly fine with me because I don't need 'sexy' right now. I just need to get outta my head. 

Despite that, though, clothes come off, we end up on the living room floor, and instead of smoking a cigarette once we're finished, we opt for more erasure. 

"She's pregnant again." I confess to Tansy  out of nowhere after breathing out some smoke, my mind getting pushed aside, the crawling of my skin starting to settle. 

Blue eyes look at me as I hand it over before her greedy hands snatch it. 

"What?" She asks me. 

"Vivian's pregnant." I repeat. 

"I am, too." She says it so seriously that I look at her for a second, before seeing the very corner of her lips tug for a millisecond. 

"You're bullshitting me?" 

"I'm bullshitting you." She says, giggling, and 

I start ranting about it, my words getting more and more jumbled and lost the more hits of the pipe I take, until I'm not even worried about Vivian due to the paranoia that ensues. 

I get home at 5:00a.m….the day after the next. How low do I have to be to continuously go her best friend and my own moronic self pity? I don't know. 

I shut the door to the house and put my shit down, nearly tripping when I try to take my boots off. 

I'm on Halcions and Jack, and I think they're starting to kick in because I'm fucking exhausted. 

I glance at the living room scattered with toys and rub my face. 

I get it: "Mötley Crüe, don't give a fuck, fuck precautions, fuck all of it," but come on, man.

 How the hell could you be so fucking reckless?

I walk into our room, the lamp on Viv's night side table on while she's got one long leg out of the covers, laying on her stomach, arms under her pillow, the covers falling just enough to cover the tops of her thighs and her ass, her back and the side of her chest peeking out, exposed. 

She looks fucking beautiful.

Oh, yeah, that's how the hell I could be so reckless. 

I go rinse off in the shower for a second to try to wash away Tans and the drugs...maybe even guilt….

When I'm done, I peek out of the bathroom to see that she's still asleep, and I turn off her lamp and crawl into bed, closing my eyes for a moment. 

I feel her move closer to me before her lips are pressing to my cheek, hands running over my chest gently before she lays down, throws her leg over my stomach, and rests her cheek on my chest. 

"Are you still mad at me?" She questions softly, and I let out a breath.

"I'm mad at myself, Viv." I mumble. 

"Oh." She replies quietly. "I would get on birth control but it wouldn't react well with my Nardil."

"You mean the Nardil you aren't taking anyway?" 

She's silent. 

"Honestly at a point where I don't even want to have sex anymore because you're gonna end up getting pregnant." I add, gruffly. 

"Oh, come on, Nikki." She scoffs, not believing me. 

"I'm serious, Vivian. I'm tired of being a fucking baby mill." 

"Oh you're the baby mill? You just get your rocks off and I'm the one carrying the thing for nine months but you're the victim here?" 

She sits up and glares at me. 

"Yes! I am!" I argue. "You have this weird thing with cum that I've always thought was hot but now I'm starting to realize you're just trying to boulder me down." 

"Nikki, you've made it very clear that marriage and babies aren't bouldering you down. You still go out and party and do your drugs and your day drinking--you were just gone for over a day...so I don't want to hear, 'you're bouldering me down,' because I'm not. If you wanna leave, then leave." She snaps.

I roll my eyes and she goes back to her side of the bed and turns away from me, before she snatches all the covers away from me. 

I'm too tired for it so I just pass out. 

1987 

"Nikki!" Doc is banging away at my door, making me snarl to myself before capping my needle and hiding it under my pillow. 

"What?!" I bark out, going to the door. 

I swing it open, naked, aside from stained underwear, to see Vivian and my whole litter of kids.

"S-Surpise!" Viv tries to keep her tone light and cheery for the five kids around her, our brand new girls in her arms.  

I don't know how to react except to shut the door in their faces and angrily get my shit together. 

I'm out of the shower and dressed in the next hour, taking the smallest hit from the needle I hid, just as a maintenance dose, before I'm heading to Doc's room--where I'm assuming he took them when they realized I wasn't coming back out. 

I knock on the door and Viv opens it, looking up at me. 

"Suprise!" I mimic how she greeted me earlier, and she scowls at me and goes to slam the door in my face, but I'm stopping it with my hand and shoving it open. 

"Daddy!" Frannie, Johnny, and Pierce come running to me and I'm getting down and letting them attack me, wrapping my arms around them. Pierce is nearly two, now, and he's nearly as tall as Frannie. 

Dannie is walking cautiously to me, smiling at me and I meet him halfway and pick him up, kissing his cheek as I go over to the little babies Doc's supervising, one a replica of me, the other of Viv…

I lean down and kiss both of them, making them smile and kick their feet, excitedly. 

I wasn't there with them when they were born. 

I go over to Vivian, who's got her arms crossed, her jaw clenched.  

"Does Daddy get a kiss from Mommy, too?" I ask. 

"Daddy doesn't have to fuss at mommy for having more babies anytime soon because daddy isn't gonna get to be in the same bed as mommy for a long time." She replies. 

"Mommy seems to forget that the last three babies weren't even made in a bed." I reply. 

"Do you guys wanna few minutes alone? I can get Fred, Emi and Donna down here to help me." Doc offers and I look at him. 

"That's out of character and nice of you." I state suspiciously. 

"Despite you being an asshole, your kids aren't." He shrugs and I roll my eyes. 

I kiss all of them bye for a couple hours, and put Dannie down before tugging at Viv's hand once Fred and the girls get here...I see Donna and feel guilty…one of the chicks I cheated on my wife with is taking care of our kids…

When we get to a new room--mines so out of wack I don't want Viv to pass out--we do what we do best and in the aftermath, small talk in between breaks of making out, Vivian drops the ball. 

"I know you've been seeing her." She tells me out of nowhere when my lips press to her neck, quietly. 

My body tenses up. 

"What?" I sit up and she does, too. 

"There's no need to be shocked that I found out--we both know you wanted me to find out. Why the hell else would you leave letters you two write back and forth with each other, out in our closet where you know I'd find them?"

I just look at her. 

"You and Tansy, Nikki." She states, tears in her eyes. "Why the hell have you done this to me, Nikki? She's my best friend?" 

Is she serious? 

I get out of bed and pull my pants on, ignoring her. 

"I'm not shocked, you know, I always knew you'd be a deadbeat husband and a deadbeat dad, just like your father." 

I start clapping slowly, really appreciating her performance.

"Bravo, Vivian, really, you should get a fucking award for those tears." I state, fed up. "It's gotta be theatrics because what sense would it make for you to be genuinely upset I've been hooking up with Tansy, when you and Robbin have been seeing each other for two fucking years, now?!" 

Her eyes widen, she looks like a deer in headlights...which just confirms it all the more to me. 

"How fucked up do you have to be to cheat on your husband with his fucking brother, while pregnant with his fucking kid?" I ask and she takes heavy breaths, obviously trying to get her temper under control. "Not to mention that I'm starting to question if Dannie is even mine being as he looks nothing like me." 

She's slapping the piss out of me, tears streaming down her face. 

I rub at the stinging hot skin of my cheek and roll my jaw, staring at her a few seconds, before shoving her back to the bed, grabbing her shoulders, getting in her face while shouting, "you stupid fucking bitch, I fucking hate, you ruined my fucking life!" 

She's sobbing now, her head turned, mascara staining her cheeks as I push myself off of her and trudge to the door. 

"Cheating on me for two goddamn years, you fucking whore, who the hell do you think you are?! I can have kids with anybody, I can have anybody I want, but I fucking chose you and this is how you repay me?! Fuck you! There's a million fucking yous out there!" I throw a bottle at her and it misses by a couple inches and she sits up, trying to stand up as I open the door. 

"I'm getting my fucking kids away from you, you fucking crazy cunt!" I call and she's rushing out, wearing my t-shirt to cover herself up, grabbing my hand and yanking me to a halt before I can start to Doc's room. 

"You're not touching my kids, Nikki, I swear to God I'll fucking kill you, don't touch my fucking kids! You're fucking stoned!" She threatens me and I turn. 

"Oh, you'll kill me?!" I bow up at her and she punches me, her ring cutting my cheek, before she's hitting me again. 

She goes for a third time but I block her and shove her down, kicking her as hard as I can in the ribs, knocking the breath out of her. 

"Don't fucking touch me, you fucking slut." I smear the blood from my cheek, banging on Doc's door as she crawls a few feet before managing to pull herself up, resting against the wall, coming towards me. 

The door opens and I see Emi with Pierce in her arms. 

I don't say a word to her, I just grab him and smile at him, bouncing him a little, as I say, "Frannie, John, c'mon!" 

Of course they come, not realizing what's happening. 

Until Vivian's trying to pry Pierce from my hands. 

"Let go of my baby!" She screams at me, trying to bat me away from him while he starts whining. 

She hits me with her closed fist in my ear and I lose it, punching her so hard she hits the ground, Frannie and John immediately start crying upon seeing their mother bloody and dismayed.

The door opens more to reveal Doc as Emi looks at me, horrified, pulling John and Frannie back inside before Doc's snatching Pierce from me. 

"What the hell is going on?!" Doc shouts as guests peek their heads out of their doors. 

It's as if my demons give me the reins back and split, leaving me to look down at my beat up wife, crying, hearing my traumatized kids crying out behind the door. 

I just stumble back, my back hitting the wall before I'm sliding down it to the floor, staring off as Doc continues to yell at me...

...I blink, being pulled back to reality, staring down at the floor of Amber's office.

I'm not sure if we had kids by then, if Viv would have stayed or left. I'm not sure why I imagined I would've been with Tansy and not Vanity, why she would have had an affair with Robbin and not Duff...maybe I knew, subconsciously, that us having children at that time would have changed the way everything happened between us.

"I guess it was for the best." I reply to her, finally, looking at her. 

"Everything happens for a reason." She assures me. "There is a reason she didn't have any babies in the past four years." 

"Okay, wise one, is there any reason she isn't here today?" 

VIVIAN

"...Mom, and my brother Jon, my sister Carol, my brother Mark, my brother Bruce, my sister Joan, my other sister Claudia, and that's Matt--you know Matt," he glances at me and I nod, looking at the picture of the family, "And then there's me." He points to a toddler and I grin, looking at him. "My dad didn't wanna be in the picture, which I'm glad he wasn't because I would've cut him out if it, anyway when he left, so…" he shrugs, looking at it another moment. "Alright, let me show you to your room." He wiggles his brows and I giggle as he picks up my suitcase and leads me back down a hallway. 

"This is Joan's old room, obviously been redecorated because it's not covered in ABBA and Cher ." He mumbles. 

"I heard that!" Joan says from the living room. 

"No ya didn't!" He replies, smiling at me, putting my suitcase on the bed. "Everybody's coming over for dinner tonight so you have time to take a nap, get comfortable, whatever." He shrugs and I nod. 

"Okay." I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. 

"I'm gonna go help my mom and Joan start cooking." He adds. 

"I can hel--"

"--You didn't sleep at all on the way up here, Viv."

"Because I wasn't tired." I lie and he looks at me. 

"Take a nap." He tells me, moving the suitcase off of my bed. 

"Fine." I roll my eyes. 

"Love you." He leaves me, shutting the door and I get on the bed, getting comfortable, and wondering what Nikki's doing right now...he's probably shitting a brick. 

After an hour, the door is opening and Duff's squeezing my fuzzy sock covered feet, making me laughs and yank my legs away from him. 

I haven't slept, but I've rested enough that I don't feel as sluggish. 

"You stink." I wrinkle my nose when he lays beside me. 

"Onions." He replies. "Joan kicked me out for chasing her around with the raw chicken." He adds. 

"And now raw chicken juice is on my feet?" I ask. 

"No, I washed my hands." He assures me. 

"Okay." I chuckle, rubbing my lips together. 

"Who all's coming to dinner?" I ask, next. "Jon, Bruce, Claudia, and my buddy Andy." He informs me. "Matt's coming up to go out for breakfast with me, you, Andy, and Joan tomorrow morning, and later this week we're gonna have a barbecue and you'll get to meet everybody, including my nieces and nephews." He adds and I raise my brows. 

"That's a lot of people." I reply, raising my brows.

"Very big family." He agrees. 

"It's weird." I say next and he furrows his brows. "Not like that, just...I don't know I'm used to being the only child, no cousins, no aunts or uncles--well, aside from aunt Lily--Nikki's not real close to his family, so we just...we're not really big on family." I shrug. "Well, dad is, he's always wanted more kids and a big family, I think, but my mom didn't so he didn't press her about it since she was ultimately the one who'd be carrying them." I add. 

"Do you want anymore kids?" He asks me and I let out a breath. 

"I'm not sure…" I trail off. "...I'd like to, but I don't know. I haven't thought about it, much." I lie and he nods. 

"Do you want anymore kids?" I ask him. 

"I do at some point, I don't think Mandy wants to, though. She says being a step-mom at the age of twenty-five is enough." He tells me. 

"Maybe she'll change her mind." I say. 

"She didn't want any kids when we first dated, so I think the only reason she's even making leeway for a stepchild is because she loves me." 

"It says a lot about her if she's willing to do that, though. A lot of women would've left." 

"Yeah, she's cooler about it than I thought she'd be." He agrees. "What did Nikki do when you first told him?" 

"He cried." I admit. "Like, a lot." 

"That's understandable." He says lowly. 

"Yeah, it is." I nod. "He's okay with it, now, though. He's not mad at either of us. I think he's more upset with himself about the whole thing." 

It's quiet for a few minutes before I get up enough courage to ask him, "are you happy?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Like...you know...our break up, and then you and Mandy are engaged now and I'm pregnant…"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, no, I'm great, Viv." He assures me, sounding genuine. "I don't know, things are a mess and crazy right now but I feel like it's falling into place at the same time, you know?"

I nod, smiling softly…

…I bought it for that moment.

I realized he was lying to himself the next morning at breakfast when he told the waitress to bring him a screwdriver--a triple--and, "just keep 'em coming."

[kellys-book-corner]

Title: Tyler Johnson was Here by Jay Coles (Prompt -REP-: read a book with representation of skin colour, sexuality, gender, religion, culture, mental health and/or disability)

Rating: 2/5 Stars ⭐

Synopsis: When Marvin Johnson's twin, Tyler, goes to a party, Marvin decides to tag along to keep an eye on his brother. But what starts as harmless fun turns into a shooting, followed by a police raid.

The next day, Tyler has gone missing, and it's up to Marvin to find him. But when Tyler is found dead, a video leaked online tells an even more chilling story: Tyler has been shot and killed by a police officer. Terrified as his mother unravels and mourning a brother who is now a hashtag, Marvin must learn what justice and freedom really mean.

---

"People will try and convince you that you don't deserve to live. That you don't deserve to exist. They'll ignore your voice. Lock you up. They'll even kill you to take you out of this world. And through it all, you have to fight. Fight to remind yourself that you do matter. That you do deserve to exist. That you do deserve to have your voice heard.

---

Books about Black Lives Matter are so important and they deserve to be published. I strongly believe in the movement and they have my full support. The topic of this book is powerful, the topic of this book matters.

But I didn't get on with the book at all.

I think in the right hands, this book will impact them a lot more than it did me, and I get it; I'm a white girl from the UK. I support BLM, but I'm also removed from it, in a way. I can't speak to the struggles because I dont suffer from them. I know they exist (and hate that they do), and I can extend my support and arm myself with knowledge, but I'll never truly know. I seem to be a part of the minority when it comes to rating this book.

A great book needs to be able to stand on it's own, no matter the content. I couldn't help but compare this to The Hate U Give the entire time I was reading it. And it isnt because they have the same content matter. Dear Martin and Piecing me Together both deal with BLM and every day, institutionalised racism, but they stand on their own. They're their own stories. This was just too similar to THUG, but THUG did it so. Much. Better. There was more emotion, more connection, more nuances, more depth and more fluidity in the writing. I had to force myself to read the last 50 pages of this book, because I wasn't connected at all. The racists in this book where so over-the-top racist as if that was the only way to justify the racism. Any form of racism is absolutely abhorrent, but there isn't just one way to be racist as we see in this book and as we all know; racists can be quiet and sneaky and underhanded, and they don't always scream it at you across the street. I believe that these people exist, but they just felt like side kick disney villains, like the hyenas from the Lion King almost. It just felt like a removal from audience and content, and they just became plot devices.

Every synopsis, every blurb and every website says that Tyler is found dead from a police shooting, but the characters don't find this out until 2/3 of the way in. The whole "missing" segment of this book could have been skipped, because we all know the outcome and it just slowed the story down and dragged it out.

I found the characters to be a bit one note for me as well, and I didn't get on with the writing style; it felt like I was reading a first draft of a novel.

Also, I'm absolutely baffled by the opening scene of this book where a black kid is shot by a cop (one that's not Tyler, he's never given a name) and its never, ever mentioned again? At all? What was the point of including that scene if you're not gonna actually use it in your novel?

Overall, this story has a very powerful and poignant message that I strongly believe in, and there is a raw truth and honesty to it. It certainly isn't a write off of a novel by any means. I didn't get on with it, that doesnt mean others won't.

Oh, and the cover is truly stunning 🌺

[digrange]

Maybe it's about globalization. Or the information bubbles that we form around ourselves when looking for friends with the same interests using tags :) Or maybe people are just not so different from each other. Focusing on differences is more of a face-to-face experience, where there is no escape from everything that a person is. Differences also require honesty, sometimes comparable to exhibitionism. It's a rare feat on social media that I'd rather see in fanfiction where the author consistently contributes their unique experience (good author).

So, IMHO, you can find differences, but they are available only with very close communication or are hidden in allegories.

In social media (like tumblr) or in communication in general, people focus on what unites them, not what separates. I, a Ukrainian (its central part), grew up on Ukrainian folk tales, fairy tales of Wilhelm Hauff and Hans Christian Andersen, Pushkin's and Amur fairy tales, I sang Ukrainian folk songs with my grandmother. I also sobbed at the age of 5 when watching The Lion King, sang along to Elton John's songs (and still love him like I love Go_A - artist from my home country). At 6 and 7 I watched Quantum Leap on TV (and had a bit of a crush on Scott Bakula), Charmed and The Next Generation.

I don't know how much cultural difference you want to see based on geographic or ethnicity, given globalization, but if we talk about politics - the foreign and domestic policies of the same political leader are two big differences and I understand that. Maybe not everyone is willing to share their opinions honestly or bother with details on social media, I don't know. I, as a user from Ukraine, are more worried about foreign policy, for example, the United States, but the flow of known information can be quite narrow for us (although my sympathies are invariably on the side of the Democrats). I sympathize with the Democrats because I think this is the only option for protecting human rights in the United States (I'm not sure, but something tells me that Texas pro-lifers are Republicans ...). But I also understand that domestic politics for US citizens is much more complicated (like any politics on the ground). By saying that all politicians are the same, perhaps people simply do not want to enter into long discussions. But then again - I don’t know, for me such things are important at home (whether any of the politicians fell ill with imperial views or fell into radicalism and deserves public censure, although it would seem that there is nothing to discuss when my country now has one clearly outlined problem (if you know what I mean).

So if you look at the short tags it may seem the same, or you should look in other places and in a different circle of acquaintances to find out something that is different;) But, as I said - I don't know;)

P.S: I hope you had fun reading this, but I'm on tumblr for frostiron art, sorry :) there is a twitter for politics ;)

P.P.S: random flowers from Ukrainian artist Kateryna Bilokur;

... random song by Go_A - Vesnyanka (*electronic version of the traditional ritual song in honor of the arrival of spring*) https://youtu.be/Djroh1eYTBE

..and random illustration from the book "Folktales of the Amur: Stories from the Russian Far East", illustrator Gennady Pavlishin.

A bit to showcase different cultures;)

There's something about the way social media... Flattens or obscures regional/geocultural differences between people in a way that is very unhelpful and like. The opposite of what dedicated pen pal programs tried to do in the 20thc that I think really contributes to the meanness and high-handedness people take with each other. Like some things SHOULD land different if you are hearing them from like. Someone living in rural Oklahoma vs your housemate in Chicago, y'know? Someone from like. Bulgaria saying they don't trust communism SHOULD sound different than the person you're at a party with in Manchester. Someone saying all US politicians are the same to them who lives in Somalia SHOULD feel different than some white anarchist trust funder in Seattle. But instead everything gets read as if someone very very like you is saying it and saying it To You and like... Yeah that would be annoying if that was what was happening but its not and I feel like we are encouraged to not see that idk

[cumonbucky]

Don't Say Anything (part 3)

Summary: You finally decide to tell Bucky that you’ve been in love with him since the day you met but what happens when you walk in on him with a girl? And not just any girl; Natasha.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: I said it once and I’ll say it again, angst

A/N: I’m so glad you guys are liking this so far :)

You shower and get dressed, wearing a simple t-shirt and jeans before making your way over to Bucky’s room. Not knocking, you open the door and see Bucky and Nat lip-locked.

“Oh god..” you mutter, looking away. “Lock the door next time.”

You hear Nat giggle. “Sorry snooka.”

“You know, I’m just gonna go back to my room and watch movies. Maybe invite Steve or Tony. They like watching movies with me.” you say. “You two go back to what you were doing.”

It hurt like hell. Everything hurt.

“No! No, let’s go.” Bucky exclaimed.

“I’m not gonna sulk in my room okay?”

“We’re going out. C’mon.” you can hear Bucky stand up from his bed.

“No Bucky, you stay here. I’ll get Tony to take me. Or maybe Steve, he likes animals too.” you think it over while peering out into the hallway.

“No!” he says quickly before clearing his throat. “I mean no, I’m the one who suggested it so I’m taking you.”

“Bucky-”

“Nuh uh, come on. Take that cute butt to the elevator.” he says and you can hear his keys jingling as he picks them up.

“It is cute, isn’t it?” Nat says and you bite the inside of your cheek.

It’s like you wanted to hate her but you couldn’t. You wanted to hate her for being with Bucky, for being with the man that you’ve been in love with for years now. But you couldn’t. You really couldn’t. Bucky deserved to be happy. After everything he’s been through, he needs it.

“If anyone asks, we’re at the zoo.” Bucky says as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. His signature move when it comes to you.

“So.. You and Nat, huh?” you spoke while passing the lions.

“Yeah.” he chuckled, running his fingers though his hair.

“Are you guys dating? Like is it official?” you question. Stop asking questions you’re just hurting yourself even more.

“Uh.. It’s complicated I guess? We’ve never really talked about it. We like each others company and all but I haven’t asked her to be my girlfriend yet.”

Yet. He fucking said yet. Does that mean you still have a chance? Or is he planning on asking her to be his girlfriend soon?

“Oh.” you nod.

“Yeah. We’re just seeing where this goes for now.” Bucky shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

You’ll never have a chance with him. Not next to Natasha. Any sane person would choose Nat over you.

“So what’s the deal with this guy you like? How come you’ve never told me about him?” he changes the subject quickly.

“I didn’t know that I needed to fill you in on the guys that I’m interested in, James.” you respond as the two of you stop by the elephants.

He scoffed. “Well it would be nice to know who my best friend is into, Y/N.”

Best friend. Great. Friend zoned.

Who even came up with the friend zone? All you knew is you wanted to stab the friend zone 56 times and ship it somewhere far far away so that you’d never see it again. Hopefully it’d get lost at sea.

“You didn’t even tell me that you and Nat were a thing so you have no reason to come at me.” you say, keeping your eyes on the mother elephant who was washing her baby.

“We didn’t want anyone to know.” he sighed.

“Well I didn’t want anyone to know either.” you shrug.

“Nat knew.”

“That’s because she’s a nosey little shit.”

“Wanda knew.”

“She’s also a nosey little shit.”

“I just - Why couldn’t you tell me?” you can feel him looking at you.

Because it’s you! The guy I like is you!

“Why couldn’t you tell me about you and Nat?” bitterness laced your voice and Bucky scoffed.

“You’re really gonna bring that up again?”

“Why is it so important that you need to know who I like?”

“Because we’re best friends and as best friends we tell each other who we like.”

Your eyes start to water. “Yeah, best friends.” you look away from Bucky and sigh loudly.

“Baby doll..” he murmured, placing a hand on your shoulder.

At the contact, you shrug him off. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Not even bothering for a response, you start walking towards the bathrooms with Bucky hot on your heels. He tries talking to you, tries grabbing your hand to pull you back but you speed up until you were inside the girls bathroom. You lock yourself in the stall farthest from the door and back up into the wall, covering your mouth as your tears fall from your face.

It sucks knowing that Bucky likes someone else; someone way better than you in every way. How are you supposed to compete with Nat? That’s a game you know you’ll lose. You just wished he felt the same way about you - even just a little bit.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Bucky’s voice echoed throughout the bathroom. You pause, watching as Bucky’s shoes come into view from underneath the stall door. He was inside the girls bathroom.

“Yeah I’m fine, just needed to pee really badly.” you respond, flushing the toilet. You open the door and once Bucky takes a look at you, he brings you into his arms.

“You’re crying.” he frowns.

“It was a really intense and emotional pee.” you mumble into his chest.

Bucky laughs at your response and you can feel his chest vibrate as he does so. Why couldn’t Bucky like you? What did Nat have that you didn’t?

Everything. She has everything and you have nothing.

“Come on, let’s go get some food. I’m starving.” he says, breaking the silence that fell upon the two of you.

“Okay.” you nod, the two of you pulling away from the hug. Bucky examines your face before wiping away your leftover tears. After this day, you have to start distancing yourself. It’s the only way to get over him and save your already broken heart from becoming even more broken every time you see Bucky and Nat.

Bucky pulls you to him and kisses your temple as you both walk out of the restroom. “How does Olive Garden sound?”

You lay your head on his shoulder and sigh. “It sounds perfect.”

A/N: Heyoooo are ya feeling about this part?

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