#again doubt he's getting any there's just no way that relationship ended well lmao

[yappacadaver]

i need his cringe ass so fucking bad

[rin-hanarin]

I realized that I've never addressed the elephant in Lucanis's room, also known as his romance plot, as a "Had been delusional about him for months before release" individual, so here's a surprisingly long rant/summary of how I felt about it in the process of playing the game.

As a Rook de Riva player, I obviously loved "Coffee with the Crows": we met Illario, joked about haha three Crows talking about nothing, talked business, Rook and Lucanis had a nice moment getting to know each other better outside of being teammates, Rook de Riva's background was acknowledged again, it really felt like a nice bonding moment, right?

Thennn a whole lot of nothing happens during any of the conversations between them, huh. Lucanis doesn't acknowledge flirting, which is fine, take your time bud, you'll get there; you keep pushing being supportive, he ignores you, you deal with his personal stuff for him one (1) time, and in my case he then proceeds to ignore Rook for 10+ hours of pure game time while busy talking to Neve at every opportunity until I finally get one (1) dialogue option to "express romantic interest in Lucanis".

And let me express my honest innermost feelings on the matter:

Not only did it feel like Lucanis genuinely couldn't care less about Rook even as a friend, it also felt like Rook was forcing Lucanis into something he simply wasn't interested in and that we were just getting in the way of his relationship with Neve. It was genuinely unpleasant to experience in a videogame that is supposed to be wish fulfillment and whatnot, and let me tell you, it was especially jarring because Dragon Age games also have a tendency of occasionally making you feel like the most special little protagonist known to Thedas, at the very least to your companions who you're supposedly building bonds with.

I loved hangout events in this game, too, I was so happy to just have these conversations about whatever with companions, have these little one-on-one moments with them that genuinely felt like walks with friends (especially with my bro my bestie my homie Davrin), and with Lucanis it started and ended with the coffee date. His fears and doubts about Rook later are never addressed, and lol lmao even, yeah, why would they be, when it feels like he barely acknowledges Rook exists outside of accompanying him to deal with his problems, none of which need Rook there? There's no reason outside of gameplay for him to ask Rook and not, say, his favorite Neve he talks about everything to? Somehow a lot of times when I hoped for any sort of dialogue with him, I was met with him talking about something very personal like his current feelings about Illario to Neve, like, isn't Rook supposed to know anything about anything, or are we just his convenient weird coworker he sometimes asks favours from?

We persevere though and keep supporting Lucanis, and can you take a wild guess what was waiting for me after like 40 hours of the game and after the infamous "kabedon assassin style" scene? Yeah bro, Lucanis just happened to talk to Neve. I wish I was making this shit up. My coping strategy was to come up with an entire jealousy subplot for my Rook because if I have to feel like I'm in the shittiest unrequited situationship of a triangular shape, I might as well do it on my own terms, right? It feels petty and stupid because as a player I like Neve, too, she's one of the coolest (no pun intended) characters, but as Rook, and Rook de Riva making an obvious choice especially? Yeah, let's just say this relationship fucking sucked for a while.

So after many trials and tribulations we're finally back with Inner Demons, and yeah, Neve is there again, I couldn't even give a shit at that point, and I'll be real here, the locking in didn't feel like we went through angsty slowburn or that we earned Lucanis' trust. Remember DA2's Fenris situation? Because I suddenly did, and surely one of many, many Neve banters I had to eavesdrop on could be sacrificed to have one or two banters that acknowledged Lucanis's anything towards Rook at all?

Also, Spite? Spite seemingly likes Rook more than Lucanis does. In between "It's so over" and "We're so back" in the Fade Ossuary it feels like somehow Rook gets more bonding time with Spite, which is kinda crazy to me.

We are so back though! As I mentioned, I was a "delusional before release" individual, I am perfectly capable of filling the gaps and extrapolating meaning from implications, and here's where one of the most infuriating things is: the rest of the romance is good, too! I can write whatever the hell I want between the beginning and the end of it, but like, why should I? How should I go about it, when in my game I was under the impression that Lucanis would rather just spend time with anyone other than Rook for seemingly no reason in particular, because there's simply nothing there? The fact that none of my pre-release ideas or comics even necessarily contradict anything about Lucanis or his romance as it is now is more telling than impressive honestly.

So where do I land with this exactly? Well, mostly in the glorious Fanon Land where I've been making my silly comics the whole time anyway. The highs are high, I love what they did at the end and how stable, protective and devoted Lucanis is, but the lows made me salty as shit and I wish I didn't have to feel that way to begin with. I wish I didn't have to connect the dots and joke about how badly Lucanis sucks at this and "Let's go girl give us nothing." And yes, I know about writer lay-offs, rewrites, restarts, etc etc, and it's a miracle that this game came out at all, but it hardly matters when you're just trying to do the good old datesim part of a Dragon Age game and end up feeling like a third wheel while trying very hard to get anything out of the character you're interested in.

[tubbytarchia]

pause. zoom. enhance. good universe smallidarity being the one where joel isnt homophobic. i need to know more about your bad universe smallidarity joel <3

LMAO well "bad universe smallidarity" is how I interpret smallidarity personally. I know my following has been curated a lot by this point but I still get anxious to comment on it out in the open, so I'm just gonna: This is about characters. It's about characters. Hello I'm talking about characters and this says absolutely nothing about any relationships present in the real world and I wouldn't have it any other way than it is now. This is about characters and I am a big fucking fan of Jizzie, don't even doubt me (said in general, not to you lol)

Anyway. I made a long post about this before but it's a little bit cringe so I'm gonna try to sum my thoughts up again: I love analysing Joel's freak behavior and to me his character reads as homophobic but in a deeply closeted way. His relationship with Lizzie is extremely cute but I get more aroace vibes from it than anything honestly. Their characters would have gotten together because, it made sense to. "Hey we like each other, might as well get married" and good for them, but although they are cute and every now and then proclaim their love, it feels more like an obligatory sentiment to make to me, their characters within the Life series and other SMPs I've watched with them just don't strike me as a couple if you take away the specific terms they use that confirm it. Like honest to god someone can try and make a compilation of that and I'm willing to bet that the compilation of him and Jimmy being weird would be at least comparable in length. And frankly I don't think Lizzie gives much of a fuck anyway

Joel's treated Jimmy very undesirably in the past, main culprit being ESMP2, until out of nowhere he chooses to end their rivalry and proclaim them two best friends instead, which Jimmy very easily goes along with. This very sudden change in their relationship being enforced by Joel makes me think he came to some revelation and had a good think about it. That's a lie, he's bad at that, he probably had a meltdown instead and didn't know how to fix things other than to go tell Jimmy "hey lets be friends now and um impose new law". This is where he contributed to the Jimmy ecosystem (AKA the harmful environment and people that enforce the idea that Jimmy is inherently lesser than them) the most and then abruptly stopped. Instances of him belittling Jimmy one way or another still happen afterward but it really has changed and become both more lenient and less frequent. What has been a constant however is the weirdass homoerotic behavior

This since and before ESMP2, but it really gives vibes of someone in love but neglecting to acknowledge it and/or combating those feelings with vocal disapproval of any intimacy that could be inferred. He has a wife after all, in fact, he'll remind you every chance he gets. Joel has no problem indulging in and joking about more sexual approaches vs more affectionate ones. Eg, the neck kisses, calling Jimmy babe, having pillow talk with Tango and literally making a baby with both Jimmy and Sausage in ESMP. But anything affectionate makes him feel vulnerable and so that's a no-no. I have no good explicit examples for this other than the fact that he just doesn't engage in affectionate engages/jokes much (not even with Lizzie) and him refusing to hold Jimmy's hand in SL. It's all jokes, and if it does get too sus, no worries, he can always just proclaim "I have a wife!!" as a no-homo safety net. But methinks he's just in denial. Unfortunately when he starts to grapple with his feelings I think he becomes homophobic and has probably called himself every slur out there. It'd make sense to me given how he often acts around Jimmy. It's not that he has anything against the concept of gay, he just doesn't know how to handle himself being gay

But, along with him trying to step out of the ecosystem and instead wanting to support Jimmy, he's also become more open to intimacy? For lack of a better word. He's been much less outward about his interactions with Jimmy being jokes, eg the RL and WL kisses where they're both just fucking soft about it man and just carry on, or him declaring himself to just be flirting with Jimmy to Gem and Scar in WL with no caveat. Still, Joel absolutely can't express genuine love or care in any conventional manner to Jimmy which hmm. Why might that be... WL puts Joel's worry for Jimmy to the forefront where he is VERY vocally upset about almost each of Jimmy's deaths but can't express this to him any other way than to call him a loser. Other people might hear of his worry (eg Gem) or he'll defend Jimmy to them (disapproving of the premature grave people built for him in SL. This in general is really important in signifying his departure from the ecosystem by disapproving of others within it). He is very nice to Jimmy, like in WL (especially considering Jimmy's several attempts at killing him for no real reason) but only outside of vocal confirmation

This is why in the smallidarity compilation I included clips like him in Phasmo just saying he was worried about Jimmy TO Jimmy because this fucker never says that so this is substantial material for me. It's character development, maybe he's slowly exiting the closet and coming to terms with his feelings and that he can be "vulnerable". Anyway that's why I label him homophobic but the point is that he really does care Jimmy a lot and he's been much better to him and by virtue less homophobic towards himself

[hereisrachel]

Realistic Simon "Ghost" Riley dating headcanons

- He is not interested in dating AT ALL

- Ghost actually is way too focused on his job, I personally like to think that a relationship is too big deal for him. He is dealing with enough stress for now

- He will repress any feelings towards you no matter what happens

- Realistically, he would never make any move towards you or would after you've known him for maybe 5 or more years

- Two things could happen then, he will eventually lose the feeling or they will grow stronger

- It makes him furious, he can't focus on anything. He wants to be back with his job but he is so distracted, he may think that it's stress or something but how can this be stress when he is thinking about you?

- He wants to hate you too but can't. His mind is flooding with somehow warm pictures of you. It disgusts him

- Tries to avoid you, but since he is in love obviously it's really hard

- So he makes small moves excusing himself "this is the last time, I wasn't looking at them, I sat next to them by accident" it irritates him as well.

- He sometimes doesn't talk, just being able to be in the same room as you makes him somehow happy

- Speaking of love, I highly doubt if he would like someone who is childish and annoying. I saw a lot of people make reader like that and I think he would just find them annoying.

- He prefers mature women that's for sure, he won't date someone who acts like a teenager

- If you won't confess first he will never do that. He can just accept but even if he wanted to, he wouldn't be able to tell you this

- he's a soldier, he barely knows how to act around women

- so he'll be awkward as fuck

- if you'll make a small talk he will listen but won't say anything back

- Maybe after knowing him for some years (I don't mean friendship, just like knowing him) he will say something back or even have a conversation

- It doesn't mean he doesn't care, he does but he is not able to show it

- nobody on earth could ever tell that he has a crush, the only evidence could be him looking in your direction a bit too many times

- If he accepts your feeling, your relationship with him will be the same as previously, almost non-existent sorry

- It's almost impossible to get the relationship going but he really does care for you

- He doesn't have much love in his heart, he doesn't love passionately or anything he is too hurt for that

- But this is somehow love

- it won't be easy to see that Ghost cares for you, but when something happens you're always in the back of his head and he's thinking.

- He's worried that you may get hurt.

- Always no matter what happens, it annoys him again ☠️

- He is much more tense when you aren't with him, he tries to get his mind out of it. You can take care of yourself after all right?

- Absolutely no touch, sorry again

- He likes sitting close to you thought

- Ghost, deep inside will be very grateful that you aren't pushing anything, you are both soldiers so that's understable plus you both are breaking the rules lmao

- If you think making him your boyfriend was hard, try to get him to bed

- If you will try it in the beggining of your relationship he will instantly break up with you. May take it as an attack or think that you will use him. That is the ending

- If you will wait, he probably won't think about it because he doesn't think about sex at all

- Sex topic aside now (there will be maybe separate post for that)

- It's all going really slowly, he smiles when you laugh at his jokes, he respects you for your brain and strenght, he likes having you around

- and maybe when his heart will eventually fill with love of you, he will accept your hug, again won't ask for it. He'll just wait for you to offer a hug

- Ghost is bad at all these things, he will be stiff as a wood and he'll just awkwardly put hands on your back

- I doubt if he will like that lol

- So no more hugs

- He doesn't like being touched or touching either

- He can make you coffee, help with something and this shit, this is his love language

- So yeah the relationship will be very uh

- You must be respectful and patient with him !!

-----

Just a reminder that this is just how I portray his character and I am not saying that this is 100% canon, also sorry for overusing "his, him, he" but I pay little attention to using names and it just looks like that 😭

[weidli]

Is it ok to ask what your Bond story is going to be about? 0-0

YES OF COURSE I AM ALWAYS HAPPY TO ELABORATE ON WIPS. it's (a) fun and (b) helps me figure out what the fuck i'm actually trying to do with a certain story

ao3 draft version of The Creature currently looks like this:

(dw i have everything in a word document also. i put active wips in ao3 drafts to 1. give myself a pretend deadline and 2. so i can figure out title / tags / summary / formatting in advance)

the idea for this fic crystallized when i saw this quote:

but the main concepts i'm trying to get at in it have been drifting around my head since i first watched casino royale / quantum of solace / skyfall (only thing in spectre i found vaguely compelling were the bond/moneypenny/q interactions and i still haven't subjected myself to no time to die (even though the fact that we were doing billie eilish's no time to die is the only reason i decided to watch a james bond movie at all lmao), the dc!james bond oeuvre is an open-ended trilogy 2 Me). basically the thing is that although james bond is commonly known as Theee womanizer (this is probably completely true when referring to the earlier bonds and also the books, nothing i have heard about those makes me doubt it) ummmmm. the way the trilogy and quantum of solace ESPECIALLY handles james and sex certainly. Leaves room open for alternate interpretation.

let me elaborate.

(disclaimer: i'm a law major, probably some degree of asexual, and my favorite bond movie is quantum of solace, and all three of these things certainly show)

FIRST casino royale babyyyyy. as noted above not my favorite of the three (least favorite actually lmao) but there's various things it gets points for on my list. but what we're mainly here for is (watch out this is a sentence i will never type again) THE SEX SCENES.

(please put you know my name on now. For Atmosphere)

first interaction we see bond have with a woman in casino royale beyond like. random people who are technically also in the street he's having a standard batshit james bond chase scene in is with m and OKAY YEAH I'LL ADMIT IT i'm not entirely opposed to a romantic reading of that relationship (they're fucked up and it fascinates me. i'm predictable. whatever). but thing is what bond mostly does in this scene is sit there and look at m with big woeful eyes while she tells him to fuck off and die somewhere (three times) calls him a blunt instrument (to be fair he did just blow up an embassy) and also get out of her house and HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE ANYWAY, 007. iconic

it's a HUGELY important scene for establishing how this version of james bond works (i think about "well i understand double-os have a very short life expectancy. so your mistake will be short-lived" often) and james is vaguely flirtatious in the way he always is (i.e. in a way that mostly consists of saying things softly while looking at people the right way) and nothing comes of it all. he doesn't make any real overtures, she doesn't even take off her coat, he leaves when she tells him to.

first SEXUAL bit is solange. he DOES give her bedroom eyes as soon as they spot each other on the beach, but 1. she does it first and 2. this is already The Mission. please consider once again the luca guadagnino quote. why flirt with her? why smile? because he's attracted to her? because it's useful to have the mark's wife want him? who knows! not us! and he's definitely not going to TELL us-

Ah! Well okay then!

and as soon as she tells him the guy he's after is going to be on the last plane to miami he's like Okay i'm outta here (almost visibly turns the switch marked flirtatious and available to the off position). i mean i don't have very much experience in this whole having sexual intercourse lark but that's not really Guy Who's Really Into This Sex Thing behavior to me! he does sex the same way he does killing which is to say. efficiently and with a vague sort of disinterest the second he's not actively performing it for someone.

compare this to, for example, the Whole Relationship bond and camille have in quantum of solace. the whole thing is (as far as i can tell, deliberately) CHOCK full of parallels between the two of them, and the fact, stated in text, that camille has unenjoyable sex with people she despises for the sake of the mission, isn't exactly excluded. consider (among other moments) this:

(James voice Lol same haha)

which is almost IMMEDIATELY followed by

HAHAHA CRAZY. this motherfucker out loud calls camille basically a prostitute and then says james kills everything he touches and then says this. and then we find out that camille is also a spy and is also here to kill a man and james and camille themselves are like yeah we ARE mirrors of each other actually

PARALLELS ARE TWO LINES IT'S NOT A STRETCH TO DRAW THE SECOND ONE IS ALL I'M SAYING. there are two people in this cave and they're bonding over losing someone in a violently traumatic way and then turning themselves into a weapon as a reaction but NOT about also using sex they don't really particularly want to have as a weapon in service of the mission in much the same way as a knife or a gun? don't make me laugh . it's RIGHT THERE. it is literally RIGHT THERE. and they do all this together and nearly die together and he gives her new purpose after she does the killing she meant to do and then all they do is kiss once

that's not SEXUAL!! LOOK AT IT. that's what two people who haven't quite realized that you can touch someone without it being the prelude to fucking or killing do instead of a normal goddamn GOODBYE HUG. that's what you do when you're a damaged creature and someone who's exactly the same as you except she's gotten what she thought she wanted looks into your eyes and sees you and the only thing you can think of to do to stop her looking at you is kiss her. NONSEXUAL INTIMACY between two people who use THEIR BODIES AS A WEAPON IN ANY WAY THEY CAN BABYYYYYY.

god i love quantum of solace. anyway.

my point? i think the fact that james bond has sex on missions often and skillfully doesn't mean he enjoys it. the whole point of these movies is that he does a lot of things for the mission that he doesn't enjoy. i think a more compelling interpretation of this version of james bond is actually somewhere on the asexual spectrum.

But Elke, you say. What about Vesper? the whole POINT of Vesper's role in the story, after all, is that what he does with her ISN'T the mission, and in fact ends up running contrary to mission goals. and yet he has sex with her, long after he's left the mission behind. to quote quantum of solace:

(this is also a point in favor of my SECOND hill to die on when it comes to "things that are probably true of most james bonds but i don't think are actually true of this one", i.e. i don't actually think he gives a flying fuck about england. most of the things he does are either fueled by personal loyalty to a specific person (most of the time, m; briefly, vesper) or personal conviction that it's the right thing to do (see for example him getting mad at m in quantum of solace because he thinks she's putting england's interests over the lives of people in bolivia) i personally don't see much patriotism in it at all)

the thing about vesper is that the initial flirting definitely IS an Standard Mission Behavior thing. their first conversation is a verbal sparring match that only occasionally dips to the physical (his "every penny of it", her "your perfectly formed arse") and i'm pretty sure the sparring match aspect of it is what he finds more interesting ("skewered. one sympathizes."). yes he flirts and yes he kisses her and i think part of that really is about wanting le chiffre to think he's distracted by the pretty woman and part of that is trying to get on her good side because it's useful for the mission. and then part of it is that she's unpredictable and thus fascinating (not least because she DIDN'T immediately step into the honeytrap) and the subsequent way he acts around her is . Hm in a certain way it's playing. this middle section of the movie is about two games james is playing and one of them is the poker game with le chiffre as a worthy opponent and the other one is with her. the sniping at each other is fun! it's different! she understands him in a way other people don't! and she DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. people wanting to sleep with him is the predictable standard outcome and she doesn't.

these movies work a lot with bond being a guy who kills people to get done what needs to be done and with how you can't really do that for very long without starting to think of yourself as a weapon rather than a person. even if it wasn't the original intention, i think a reading of the text that does the same thing with sex is DEEPLY compelling enhances the whole thing. the first scene with bond and vesper that really isn't about the mission even a little bit, the first scene where he steps out of his role as 007 for her, is this one:

(FINGERS IN HIS MOUTH FRIDAY)

which is notable 2 me for being wonderfully quietly intimate and not at all sexual about it (despite the fact that they are WET in a SHOWER and also he SUCKS ON HER FINGERS. what was that, james) and also what it's ABOUT. she's messed up over being responsible for a human being's death and he, killer of killers, doesn't ridicule it, but sits down in the shower next to her.

(they do this in a bathroom. i wonder where this james bond's first official kill canonically took place--

ah. oops. well never mind that i'm sure it's not important)

sure, they have sex later. but the first moment of actual, real intimacy is pointedly nonsexual. and listen. listen. i like to interpret bond as on the asexual spectrum, yes. but i think he really fucking likes touch, actually. i think that's what the whole thing with miss fields in quantum of solace is about, besides seducing her into letting him have a bit of leeway. the part he actually wants out of that, if he wants anything, is the one we see on screen-

sure it COULD be sexual. could also just be an excuse to touch someone he won't have to try and destroy with it afterward (and then it destroys her anyway, but that's a different essay). like god. think about it. you are a little boy in a big stone house in scotland and you love your parents and then they're gone and you go into the tunnel under the moor and you stay there for two days and then you come back out because you know you'll have to, someday, but you left your childhood buried in that dirt. and who is there after that? the gamekeeper, kincade, who you were probably close with, but when you meet him again years later you only shake hands. boarding school. the boys talk about girls, about wanting. you try it and it doesn't feel right to you, but then again nothing has, not for years. and you learn to do it, and do it well, like you do everything, because if you don't they'll remember you don't belong here. ("-and they never let you forget it. hence the chip on your shoulder.") the navy. they teach you to kill. in a grimy bathroom you hold a man down into the water of the sink, his body against yours, until he stops moving. ("not well.") you stand there. take a breath. ("made you feel it, did he?") this is what you are now. kill him a second time. kill another man without ever coming close, and starting then the only thing your body is good for-- ("as mi6 says, he's difficult to control. nice way of saying that everything he touches seems to wither and die.") -- is being a weapon, one way or another. you fall in love with her because she takes you apart and doesn't want to sleep with you, and you send in your resignation and sleep with her after all because you love her, you do, and you want to touch her forever, and you don't really mind it, if it's her. (her dead mouth under your mouth and she won't breathe--) you start killing again. you're as good at it as you ever were. one wink, and she's following you to bed. the only person you had left to trust asks you to hold him as he dies, and you do. ("that's better. that doesn't hurt.") drop the necklace in the snow. it nearly does kill you this time ("take the bloody shot.") and you sleep with anyone warm enough and let the scorpion crawl onto your hand and go back anyway, and when he ties you to a chair and puts his hand high on your thigh you say ("what makes you think this is my first time?") --

Which is to say, I have a lot of opinions about James Bond's relationship with his body and relationship with sex and relationship with autonomy, and I'm writing a substantial amount of words of fic about it. PLOTWISE the basic scenario of the fic is that on some mission somewhere, part of the plan is for James to get someone specific into bed, and then before this actually happens, she roofies him, and the subsequent sex happens while Q has some camera somewhere on them. the following god only knows how many words are about Q (who i'm writing as aromantic but not asexual in this, because i can) slowly realizing that something really fucked up is going on here, actually, and trying to fix it, and instead fucking things up harder because he underestimated the level of fucked up inside James Bond is baseline operating at, and then eventually they do figure it out and now maybe MI6 sends someone else out when they can tell from the beginning that a certain mission is going to require sex, and maybe sometimes James and Q sleep in the same bed and don't ever ever ever fuck about it. James makes scrambled eggs in the morning. The cats steal some. It works out okay, maybe.

[markantonys]

Speculation on any Randlayne and RandAvi interactions for s3?

my favorite topic of speculation!! everything i'm about to say i've probably said already because i love to just yap on about the same things i've said a thousand times jdkfgj and also because we still have so little s3 info that my speculation hasn't changed much in the year since s2 ended. but onwards!

so, given that they teed up a connection between rand & elayne at the end of 2x08 but that we know these two will be in different locations for most of s3, i'm certain they'll get some good interactions in during 3x01 before parting ways. nothing serious yet, just some friendship bonding and unconscious flirty vibes i.e. the audience is picking up that they're attracted to each other but neither of them is flirting on purpose or is aware that they're developing a crush. they'll likely only have one episode together before parting, plus rand is still reeling from the whole lanfear situationship, plus elayne's bestie is his ex-almost-fiancee (i'm sure the final randgwene breakup will happen pretty promptly in 3x01, but still, the audience would probably feel egwene's toes are being stepped on if her bestie starts kissing rand later in the very same episode), so those are all reasons against anything concrete happening this soon for randlayne.

the egwene complication is interesting to ponder! i COULD imagine a scenario where elayne genuinely does not know about rand & egwene's whole Thing for quite some time because everybody's too traumatized to bother giving her the in-depth gossip, and thus she develops a fast crush on rand while having no clue he's her bestie's ex (and then feels guilty when she inevitably finds out). on the other hand, i could imagine a book-esque version where egwene clocks that elayne is feeling some type of way about rand and is all like "hey if you're into rand that's cool with me, he and i are over" right upfront in 3x01, so that even if elayne doesn't act on it yet (which i doubt she would) she and the audience could rest easy in the knowledge that egwene would be okay with it. back to the first hand, i could imagine elayne and egwene not having this convo until a reunion sometime in a future season at which point elayne's like "i have a confession, i have a crush on your ex" and egwene's like "weeeeeeeeeeell i have a crush on your brother so let's call it even" djkjfgh

now for aviendha, i'm also fairly confident in predicting avilayne interaction(s) in 3x01 too, though how many and what nature, who knows! but it would be good to establish that elayne gets on well with both rand and aviendha to lay the groundwork for our polycule before she gets separated from both of them for the rest of the season, so i think the show will try to give her time with both of them in 3x01. again, i think it'd be friendship bonding vibes with at most little hints of a budding crush (which will probably go over straight viewers' heads lmao). book events make it very easy to give elayne and aviendha significant time together later in the story, so we can afford to take their relationship the slowest of the three. but rand's schedule is packed, so he's got to get romancing!

thus my prediction is: light randlayne & avilayne setup in 3x01, but avirand happens first, followed by randlayne, followed by avilayne (and min/rand). i do not think we'll fuck about with rand being in constant It's Complicated facebook relationship statuses with everyone and repeatedly getting together with someone but then kind of breaking up but then still sort of being together etc. instead, i think that nothing will have actually happened between randlayne yet when he heads off to the waste, and that avirand will become a permanent couple by late s3 or early s4, and that elayne will get added into their established relationship in s4ish, so we'll just go straight from couple to V (to throuple) without any stops in It's Complicated Land. we do not have time to mess around!

on this point, i think the show will let them be more intentional about forming their relationship. in the books, it's a combination of "rand has zero clue what's going on and winds up in a polycule by accident thanks to the power of miscommunication" and "fate said we had to do this, so let's do it" (followed by organic hey-i-now-genuinely-want-this-polycule development for elayne and avi, thankfully, but not for min). i'd expect the fate element to still be at play for min/rand because that's a unique aspect of their specific romance, given min's powers, but it doesn't need to be involved in avirandlayne and i'd prefer if it wasn't, so as not to overuse Prophecy Romance (which will also need to be an element of mat/tuon; 2 Prophecy Romances are plenty imo). if the three of them all meet and spark with each other, and if the first randmance to happen is the one with the partner from a poly-normalized culture who teaches him all about it, then we're perfectly set up for avirand to see elayne across the bar and dig her vibes and ask her to join. no narrative need for any of the three of them to be aware that their relationships are Fated! i'd like it very much if the show reserved that just to be the unique angle for min/rand, and treated avirandlayne just the same as any monogamous romance like lanaeve that develops naturally because they like each other.

moving on. i think avirand's romance arc will be fairly similar to the book version. enemies to lovers, forced to share a tent because the wise ones want her to teach him aiel ways and spy on him, push-and-pull tension as they both fight their attraction to each other, etc etc, it's all good stuff that just needs a little refinement for the show. i'd predict the biggest changes might be a) TSR-TFOH avirand development is condensed into one season so that their romance arc is complete by the end of s3, b) rand having had a serious relationship with lanfear might affect things (one of his reasons for fighting his attraction to aviendha, perhaps, to protect her from lanfear's jealousy and/or because he's feeling too shaken to let romance into his life again after such a betrayal), and c) aviendha's angst over Betraying Elayne won't be present since elayne isn't involved with him yet, and thus we get to steer well clear of any polyamory & cheating associations that the books flirt with way too much for my taste. or maybe it would be replaced by angst over Betraying Egwene, who is also aviendha's friend who's been involved with rand, but unlike with elayne in the books, egwene is fully done with rand AND is physically present with aviendha to be able to give her her blessing and absolve her of any guilt over liking rand. so either way, we'll avoid having betrayal as the foundation of avirand/avirandlayne, which will be a big improvement for me.

and aviendha and elayne can still have their relationship arc without the whole thing about aviendha wanting to meet her toh to elayne for sleeping with her boyfriend! instead, aviendha is solidly with rand but can see that there are some vibes going on between him and elayne, so she decides to become closer to elayne in hopes of taking her for a sister-wife. and then ends up taking her for a wife-wife <3 though i'd still predict a timeline where they're both dating rand first, and aviendha's like "since we're both dating rand, we need to get to know each other better to become first-sisters" and then their arc gets going.

now let's circle back to the timing. a potential new piece of speculation that i remember doing in a big tag ramble but maybe not in an actual post: jorin the sea folk windfinder's actress has the block 3 director listed on her CV. if this is accurate, that means the sea folk will be showing up in episode 5 and/or 6 - aka NOT showing up to transport elayne & nynaeve from falme to tanchico, because unless they spend the first half the season on a different plotline or a huge detour (which we have no reason to suspect as of now), they would be there already. so why would jorin be appearing that late in the season? do the girls meet her in the tanchico harbor and not travel with her? but them actually traveling on a sea folk ship is fairly significant since it's what lets them figure out that windfinders can channel. so, could the girls perhaps be taking a sea voyage in the second half of the season? say, chasing moghedien from tanchico over to the east coast whereupon they reunite with the waste crew? perhaps in tear for the stone battle, and sammael is introduced in tear at the end of the season and teed up to be one of the big antagonists of s4?

i know that with the finale title speculated to be "he who comes with the dawn" everyone's assuming alcair dal will be the s3 finale, just like it's the TSR finale. and i won't be surprised if that's the case. buuuuuuuut i also won't be surprised if "he who comes with the dawn" is used a little more loosely, as episode titles often are, and the finale is instead rand taking callandor at the stone - still a big Rand Proclaiming Himself moment in which aiel are involved, even if it isn't his literal he who comes with the dawn car'a'carn proclamation. on the other hand, we can feel pretty certain that moiraine v. lanfear mutual doorway yeeting will occur in the season finale, so it might make more sense to have them still be in the waste and fold that into rand's rhuidean showdown, rather than following the book route of carting the doorway back to the wetlands with them. but then, if it's true that mat isn't in the waste plotline, then would there even BE a redstone doorway in rhuidean?? could they just plonk one down in whatever location they want the moiraine v. lanfear showdown to be? i don't know, there's just way too many variables for me to be able to make any solid predictions for how the end of the season might shape up, and i'm getting way off topic anyway haha

SO tldr, jorin in block 3 makes me wonder if elayne could potentially get ferried over to reunite with rand and aviendha towards the end of s3, rather than not until s4. but regardless, i do think she will reunite with them after her tanchico stuff is complete. imo elayne and nynaeve don't need to go to salidar (all that happens there is nynaeve encounters siuan & logain and heals gentling/stilling, which could happen anywhere, and that egwene raises them to full sisters which could happen in absentia or later in the story), and i'm sorry to the circus fans but it's complete filler so that's definitely not happening, and if mat does indeed go with the girls to tanchico then i strongly suspect it would be an amalgamation with the ebou dar trip and thus that would be removed from the girls' future schedules, and THUS elayne and nynaeve could join up with the waste crew in s4 and spend some quality time with all those characters, join rand for the "retaking caemlyn from a forsaken" outing, and then launch straight into their caemlyn storylines (and/or nynaeve launch straight into the cleansing storyline with rand). and this would fit with comments rafe/josha/ceara (i forget exactly who) have made about rand and elayne having a big story together; if you're not trying to arbitrarily keep elayne away from rand so that he can remain Single On A Miscommunication-Induced Technicality long enough to hook up with min, then it's an absolute no-brainer for them to share the Retaking Caemlyn storyline. so i feel optimistic in predicting that for s4!

[vanmarkus]

This has been on my mind (obviously with everything that's been happening) and I'm curious if I'm alone in it. Do you sometimes think maybe they missed the window with buddie? That it should have happened in season 4 and maybe now they're trying to tell us it's too late? They keep digging the hole deeper for eddie, with shannon being the "the love of his life" he'll never get over and I just wonder if it'll ever make sense again in a way that's not a "consolation" because that would be unfair

so much to unpack here and I doubt you'll like my answer but I'm behind on asks anyway so why the hell not.

so here's the thing.

I am so SO happy that they didn't do buddie in season 4. a rushed season affected by covid with literally one episode lead-up? if we lean into the idea that the shooting/will arc was supposed to be that, that is.

(but mind you that has never been said or confirmed, they floated a bi Buck storyline that got shut down, at which stage we don't even know, could possibly have been before even having a script written for it and way before they even came up with the shooting arc itself.)

but if we lean into that then I would've found it lackluster, personally. I know not everyone holds the same opinions and that's totally fine.

but having two characters who have previously only ever dated and talked about women* suddenly kiss and start dating, without coming out, self-realisation, any other preamble aside from "you almost died/I almost died" which isn't exactly a new predicament for either of these characters...

(*in Buck's case the bi crumbs were huge and I always felt that it could've been a pretty natural progression if they just let us know that actually, Buck was out this whole time it just didn't come up on screen lmao but in all seriousness from a general audience standpoint? having both of them suddenly be together? even though, we had a lot of subtext, I just doubt it would've worked as well as it could work now.)

I mean sure, it might've been just the start and then they could've done a bit more background work for it in season 5, but even if Fox didn't shut it down (again, just a simple bi Buck storyline, not even two main characters on the show suddenly being in a queer relationship or leading up to it at the very least) the risk of not getting renewed for season 5 would've been higher than ever, so for them to leave it hanging at the end of the season would've been unlikely imo.

just to reiterate before moving on: all of the above is based on speculation and what ifs.

and about buddie in this current climate, well... I talked about this extensively so just to keep it short; though I'm more than content if not, I still believe that buddie will become canon eventually.

and ngl I find it kinda frustrating how little faith some of you have in the writing of the show when this season proved more than anything that they are finally back on focusing on the characters and actually have ideas about where to take them instead of having every single one of them running around in circles.

sure, some of the storylines are more than bonkers, but this is 911 and that trend started in season 1, so if you don't like that, then maybe this isn't the show for you. because this season with all the insanity and heartbreak was and is so far, quintessential 911.

both Buck and Eddie are well established, complex characters and they deserve to be taken on a narrative journey separately and together if buddie should happen. yeah, clearly neither character is in a place right now, but what's the rush?

we have at least one more full season ahead of us, that could be more than enough time to take them there.

and I know that anytime I say this there are at least ten people in the notes saying that we had 6 years of lead-up, so it wouldn't be rushed, but I can't help but disagree.

Eddie still has no idea how to be in a relationship and actually be in it. yeah, sure, he and Buck have been playing house for years, but the fact that neither of them seem to recognise that is a big issue on its own. and Buck, for the first time since Abby, is in a good place romantically. like the ship or not, it's canon that he's more content and happy than ever and everyone around him thinks so too.

now, we don't know how long this relationship will last and if/when it'll end and why. but if Buck got the chance to discover this part of himself without trauma and significant pain, with the people around him being supportive and patient, then I don't want Eddie thrown in there with a halfhearted realisation-to-kiss-or-confession within one episode either.

I have trust that if buddie is about to happen, it'll be handled well and in no way, shape or form would it be a consolation prize — especially because Tim is no longer bending over for the bullying of the fans and just goes by his own rules and only gives as much as he wants to. as he should.

honestly, this whole "gimme and gimme now" attitude is so stupid. and frankly, the notion that a popular queer ship would actually have a real chance to go canon has just relatively recently became a thing and now so many people almost feel entitled to it, which then spoils their experience with what's actually going on as a whole.

if your enjoyment of the show is solely dependent on a ship becoming canon? then maybe watch something else, because you're just setting yourself up for heartache, one way or another.

[bohemian-nights]

It will forever irk me how some people blame Laena for Daemon’s “unhappiness” in Pentos. Let’s be for real here, it was COMPLETELY his fault why they were still in Pentos. I doubt Laena would have denied Daemon the idea of returning to Westeros; she was the one who wanted to go back to driftmark in the first place. Any unhappiness Daemon had was his own fault and no one but him can be blamed (maybe viserys too but that’s another thing). Everyone who is like “poor baby, he was just longing for Rhaenyra…” blah, blah, blah - just makes me sooo heated!! Laena was right there, they need to stop acting as if she was just this means to an end. I know she’s a fictional character but it still angers me to see how minimalized she is by the fandom (especially when they race-bent her and changed the important relationships in her life - that’s one of the reasons why I say that the book is the only canon canon universe, not the show). The racism this fandom has is so crystal clear, but then everyone is all “stop making it about race”, like that’s exactly what you are doing 😭 why can’t I be upset about it?? I doubt anyone would act the way they do if Laena was white and it hurts to even admit that!

No one should sympathize with daemon in ep6, he was being a shitty person and incredibly selfish, in my opinion. (I know you love him and I’m sorry to bash him, but I know you also see his faults unlike a lot of other Daemon stans, so I hope you can understand me on this). Laena was more patient and forgiving than she should have been, I would’ve liked her to call him out instead of whatever bullshit the writers decided on. Laena was not a shy or docile person, she was brave and fierce, that’s literally canon, and the writers shouldn’t have excluded that.

And don’t even get me started on how icky this deleted script makes me feel: https://www.tumblr.com/darksvster/744315340102762496/excerpts-from-the-house-of-the-dragon . “I loved him well.” But then when Rhaenyra asks Daemon if he loved Laena, THE NIGHT OF HER FUNERAL, he says “we were happy enough.” Shut the fuck up, Daemon! 🙄

I don’t personally think Laena and Daemon’s entire marriage (in the show) was an unhappy one, but it was in such poor taste that they made their scenes the way they did in show ‘canon.’ Laena did not deserve to be shown as unhappy, certainly not right before she died. I’ll never stop saying that she deserved better because she really really did. And that’s another reason why I’m writing my fix-it fanfic for her. I just want her to be happy in the end 🫠

Thank you for reading this incredibly messy rant. I hope you don’t hate me for this lmao.

That’s nothing, but cope cause these walking napkins once again forgot about chokegate.

By their own logic Daemon must have been on the verge of jumping off a cliff with Rhaenyra cause no matter how miserable he was with Laena he never laid a hand on her or abandoned her when she was giving birth to their children🙃

He’s literally always 0.2 seconds from sending Missy Anne to join Gollum. If he truly was longing for her like that he wouldn’t even think of laying a hand on her.

Lol, jokes aside, no way he was completely miserable with Laena and she definitely didn’t make him miserable. If anything she calmed his psycho ass down. The man wasn’t miserable because of her(he was just missing the walking corpse he called a brother). That was the most stable time in his life. Which isn’t saying much, but it is what is even if they don’t want to admit that.

You know what he would’ve done if he was actually miserable, wanted Missy Anne, or wanted out of his marriage? He would’ve broken out the good old divorce rock🪨

We are talking about a man who does what he wants with no impunity. He has no qualms about killing family or abusing/murdering his wives.

He could’ve easily killed Laena(especially while she was in labor), but he didn’t do that. He wanted to be with Laena(which is why he married her even though Miss Maegor was begging him to choose her back in episode 5). For all intents and purposes he was content with the means to an end.

Yeah they are all fictional, but these are people are blending real life with fiction cause it’s clear that the main reason why they keep saying this crap is because Laena was made Blackish. These Karen’s refuse to relate to Black(ish) woman on any level so they now are hyping up their titanic ship because Missy Anne is white and blonde.

Real talk, I don’t even think most of them actually care about Missy Anne as a character. She’s just a mascot cause they want to ride Daemon’s dick(no judgements cause Miss Maegor is lame, and Daemon is hot, but they need to be honest about it. I’d never ship something where my fave is being beaten upside her head by her man).

Now Daemon and Laena’s marriage was far far far from perfect in the show. He was not the best husband to her. She definitely deserved better than what he gave her, but they really are trying it when he keeps going Ike Turner on their self insert.

Yes, Laena dies and she’s a minor character, but she does have an impact on the story and on Daemon’s arc. They won’t admit that though because they actively trying to limit her impact.

(See how they keep trying to associate her girls with Daemon as Miss Maegor’s daughters cause the queen of flops gave birth to a lizard instead of a daughter “who looks like” Daemon to replace the half-breeds).

And even though they took away her fire in the show and made her into some poor helpless unloved woman(aka a stereotype), she still made an impact because if she was truly a bump in the road they would’ve stopped talking about her as soon as she offed herself.

The bar is in hell yes, but they need to recognize where they stand.

Honestly this whole discourse is once again pathetic and riddled with Casper the unfriendly ghost sociopaths being butthurt that their ship is pathetic.

They have to use headcanons to prop it up cause the books make it clear Laena was Daemon’s most beloved wife and Valyrian Karen was abandoned for Nettles(let’s not get into that cause she sends the methheads into a rage) while the show has him beating their self insert black and blue.

No one is trying to make this about race, but when you have people calling fictional characters the n-word, comparing them to monkeys, saying it’s okay to cut a Black character because there are too many Black people on the show, saying that it’s a shame Daemon doesn’t have any daughters he can relate to cause the ones he has aren’t white, and saying that it’s a determintal character trait to have Daemon sleep with Black women, well how else are we supposed to view it?

This doesn’t even cover half the demented crap they’ve said and we aren’t even getting into how they start gang stalking you, and trying to gaslight you into believing their lies, when you call them out on the bullshit.

Someone who isn’t racist would say those things. You can dislike a character or characters, but when you base your hate on racism, well congratulations! You’re a racist!

It’s so frustrating dealing with this fandom because any time you point out the obvious misogynoir you become the bad guy, the hater, the bitch, whatever. People only like you when you don’t rock the boat(aka don’t say anything about this because you’re bringing down the vibes), but how are you supposed to turn the other cheek when you see that?

The moment Laena became Black she became worthless to this fandom and the showrunners, to the point where they are only comfortable with her fitting into a stereotype.

Well now we are both ranting so I think we are even 🤣 I do love Daemon, but I love to drag him when he does wrong(I love my girls more than him so he’s in the doghouse. Book!Daemon would be ashamed of show!Daemon). Thank God fanfiction exists(and the books). Can’t wait to read yours. I’ll be updating mines this weekend)🙌🏽

[hyperactivewhore]

I feel people talk a lot about Klamille, Klaroline and Klayley and completely ignore the influence Aurora had over Klaus.

Now, I don't really like any of the main ships of Klaus: Candice herself confirmed in a live no long ago that the producers started writing the whole Klaroline ship because the reaction of the fans to their first scene (which they didn't intend to turn romantic) was massive and positive, so their whole relationship was fan service from beginning to end. I like Klamille, but the fact that she was her therapist and they fell in love always creeped me out. And Klayley, well, they weren't even a couple but I feel that the potential was there.

But Klaurora? They fell in love in a time where neither of them were pure evil, and Klaus had been literally turned into a vampire two years before. And she wasn't "crazy", as people try to make her look: she was just bipolar, in a time where help was nowhere to be found. And Tristan just made that worse through their lives as vampires.

Now, this is my personal opinion, one I made by watching the show, you don't have to agree with it at all. Personally, I don't think Klaus and Caroline were in love with each other (not Caroline, unless she was playing hard to get in which case go girl ig), at least not in the Mystic Falls era. In New Orleans, however, they had both grown, and they seemed more comfortable in the other's presence (I still don't think they would have lasted as a couple, as I say in this post) so if they wanted to persue a romance then, go ahead.

But back to the point, Klaus was literally being an asshole in love talking about the smell of Aurora's hair and writing love letters to her: he was down bad for the woman, and it's canon that her breaking his heart is what made him the ruthless and abusive bitch we all know in canon ("you knew that your secret betrayal was the cause of everything i became" 3x05, said by Klaus to Elijah in a rather hypocrite fight).

And it's not like he got over her as his life continued: he painted her, eight hundred years after their breakup, and judging by the fact he said it became the tomb of his memories of her, he probably painted her a thousand of times before. When he showered her that painting, a millennium later, he confessed that thinking he could forget her is one of his biggest mistakes, meaning that while he was flirting with Cami and Care he still hadn't gotten over his first love. And with the way he was looking at her, I doubt it was a lie.

And they literally started being together again not even a day after she showed up in New Orleans. He didn't give a damn about Camille, or Caroline. His "however long it takes" or his "I would have found you" were completely forgotten in his mind, his own sister was kidnapped by her and he couldn't care less because he was busy showing her New Orleans, something Lucien pointed out.

Elijah noticed as well, because the whole "Do you love her" wasn't directed towards Camille, and with the way Klaus answered his question it was clear. And Klaus also asked him to never say Aurora's name in his presence (I like to think that being the little shit he is Kol always said her name whenever he was around and that's why he got daggered so much, but that's a personal headcanon of mine).

Klaus only lashed out at her when he found out Rebekah was at the bottom of the ocean (Emma who lmao), not safe as Aurora had promised him after fucking. And he did say he intented to keep his love promises to her, made in the modern world, hence bye bye his two blonde lovers (also, the fact that they resemble Rebekah so much, his favorite sibling who he's always been obssesed with, it’s so fucking weird).

He didn't chose Camille or Caroline over her, Aurora pushed him to it and he seemed pretty upset about it in the whole episode of their dramatic breakup. And Camille did say more than once she believed Klaus still loved Aurora, something Klaus didn't actually deny (he said he didn't care about her, that's all.)

I know Klaus did love Camille, he did even after a decade of her death, and I know he was obssesed with Caroline, but I personally believe that the one he loved the most has always been Aurora.

Funny enough, in 3x18, after her murdering Camille, his actual love interest, turning her into a vampire, and trying to kill his whole family, he didn't even try to pull away when she leaned to kiss him. He could have tried to bite her, or to back away, but he didn't.

And don't even get me started on him keeping her alive even after the serum left her sistem. Klaus couldn't kill her, and he was clearly distraught when Hayley inyected her that serum to send her to sleep. This fucker couldn't kill her, and he needed his girlfriends to do it.

Anyways, ik this is a unpopular opinion, but I always found the messed up dynamic of Klaurora so entertaining to watch. Aurora loved him until her death, and I think he continued to love her until his as well, knowing how much of a obssesed yandere he is.

And try to ignore any grammatic mistakes lmao, I'm spanish and I was eating a donut writing this.

[wetcatspellcaster]

I am so curious to know the background on this! :D

“Now, sweetheart,” he commanded. “I think you should kiss me again. And if you can’t make it nice, at least make it interesting.”

So, he was leaving her to do all the work. Rosalie bit her lip, in uncertainty and in anger, as she examined him, puzzling out his motives. Was he trying to make her feel wretched, again? Forcing her to act, so she condemned herself?

She said she’d been to therapy - and she had, extensively - but there was always going to be that little pit of self doubt in her stomach, no matter what. Especially with Astarion.

It felt selfish, given how immensely she’d failed him, to turn over the other parts of their relationship like fossils for examination. But one of the cruellest parts, about never getting to see things through to end, was never knowing what they truly could’ve been - what he would’ve wanted with her, in time. She didn’t know what he liked, and what he’d pretended to like.

Hello lovely, thank you for sending the ask!

Read myself for filth, commentary one: The first two paragraphs is how a person who can't write E-rated fics tries to write D/S undertones without writing enough spice to ever actually earn those tags. Never sure if I'm successful, but my god I could be a Level 7 rogue for the amount I dance around things and evade them.

So this is one of the few times Rose gets close to a good insight check, I guess bc the DC is lower than average! Astarion was trying to humiliate her, force her to admit she wanted him, force her to act on her own initiative rather than be 'seduced', meaning that she is culpable and cannot deny that fact later on. Wouldn't make sense for him to be lying about that, in fact it serves him and his purpose to make it very, very obvious, bc that makes it all the more embarrassing for her at her end.

Astarion does love her/want her, etc (that's what he's rolling deception on lmao). But he does also want her to condemn herself, it's a game. He wants to prove he has power over her, to prove she was wrong for abandoning him, and he's also testing her. He is making her physically uncomfortable, yet she's seemingly unable to resist or leave, regardless. He is also testing to see if she falls for the trap he sets for everyone: of deciding whether she is attracted to him enough to ignore all her other morals and constraints, and will thus place herself wilfully in danger.

As to the final two paragraphs - this Tav has some absolutely rock bottom self esteem, even if in this AU timeline she's kind of too powerful for that to serve her anymore, honestly. But another thing about getting an Evil Ending with a break up is that her relationship with Astarion was: Act 1 seduction: 'I successfully romanced him, oh no it turns out it was all an act', Act 2 'I don't think we should have sex anymore, idk if we ever will again': 'oh no, everything I did before now was making him uncomfortable and I never realised', then Act 3: turbo charged sex demon tells you you're worthless. So I feel like it makes sense for her to have a lot of self doubt around sex or intimacy with Astarion, bc she doesn't have any real knowledge of what the man she knew would've wanted - they never got to unpack what parts were an act and which parts weren't, and they crucially never got their graveyard resolution scene.

She has no belief that she ever correctly understood what he wanted or needed and so yeah. She'd be scared of getting it wrong again. What if he was doing all this just to turn around and tell her that she was never what he wanted at all?

She is also just... very attracted to him :') that makes a lot of people self-conscious in these kind of situations lmao

And yeah, I think that that kind of petty, insignificant insecurity carries a lot of guilt as well. I do think she's talked about it in therapy. Your boyfriend lost his soul while you watched... why would you obsess over whether the physical intimacy was good or not? That's cringe, and way down the list of priorities. But it's also a very human insecurity and she's fallible, so unfortunately it is there.

Hope that this was in any way interesting! :)

DVD commentary ask

[chiefbeifongcanrailme]

for linxzekou plssss

sfw 3, 4, 5

nswf: 1, 3, 5, 7, 9

Firstly, thank you so much for asking about my OC! Literally makes my day that you guys care so much🥺🥺

SFW:

3) Arguments headcanon:

I think their arguments often start off with something silly like Lin working too hard or Zek trying to do something nice that inadvertently goes awry. With them, unfortunately, their arguments can make mountains out of molehills, and given the current plot of Soul, Tenzin is a very strong contender in the calamity that's going to turn out of their relationship.

4) Playful/silly headcanon

Zek loves playing with Lin's hair. When she's lying in bed, half asleep, half planning her next day, Zek runs his fingers through her head, petting her slowly into slumber. Lin loves when he does this, but doesn't ever let him know how she tries to resist sleep just to enjoy his touch. He thinks her hair is soft, and he can't stop himself from loving her in his silly little way.

5) Night in headcanon

A night in typically involves cooking together, eating with some spunky jazz music playing in the background followed by dessert while listening to the probending match on the radio. They curl up together on the couch, Zek's fingers threading through her hair until she falls asleep in front of the warmth of the fireplace and the embrace of a firebender. He gives her a soft kiss on her cheek and whispers, "Bed?" and she simply hums in response as he carries her in, and together, they cuddle up under the sheets.

NSFW:

1) Positions/locations headcanon:

Zek absolutely loves holding Lin. His favorite position is sideways, with Lin's back against him so he has all the control in thrusting as well as drawing her closer and closer into his body. Lin likes to get on top of his lap for a ride while he's sitting with the newspaper or so. Naturally, the newspaper ends up on the floor, and Zek, on cloud nine.

Considering they only ever meet after their 50s, they aren't big on exciting locations as such. Between their bedroom, the couch, and the occasional passion-fueled rendezvous on the kitchen counter, they haven't quite had the need to look around for locations.

3) Favourite kinks/fantasies/toys:

Shibari? I'm only saying that because Zek's the captain of the ship and knows all the 1249082034802 different ways of tying a knot lmao. I think the use of bending may be a slightly prevalent feature of their sex life. Warm hands and metallic handcuffs make a good pairing. I'm not sure what kinda toys exist in the atla-verse during this time but I would say the equivalent of a vibrator may be invited to Lin and Zek's private parties.

5) Public play headcanon:

Oh, they're not into any kind of PDA. The last thing Lin wants is attention from the media for the wrong reasons or having her romantic life on full blast again so they keep a low profile. Zek respects this about her and makes sure to ensure privacy anytime they're heading out. With that being said, I doubt they engage in anything salacious in public, unless Lin has done a perimeter check using her seismic sense when the city is evacuated lol. Zek believes that they don't need that kinda excitement because their sex life is great as is, and would rather show her the best time in the privacy of their home than risk something out in the open.

7) Foreplay/turn-ons headcanon:

For Lin, massages are a huge turn-on. When Zek brings his warm hands on her shoulder, it's either going to relax her to sleep or have her fully ravage him in thanks. Zek likes to unravel her slowly: he's a gentleman like that, 'ladies first'. Kissing is a huge part of their foreplay since they're both great kissers and it quickly turns into a competition on who's going to have the other come undone with just their lips. Oral sex is also a huge plus. Zek loves giving more than receiving and Lin, well, Lin doesn't mind his preferences😉. Zek's scent is a huge turn-on for Lin and Lin's bare legs are a huge turn-on for Zek.

9) Who teases the other? Who’s more impatient? Who usually initiates?

Ugh this one's hard. I would say Zek's the one to initiate it with his "Oh honey, you look tired let me give you a little shoulder rub." He knows it's a hit or a miss, even though that's not always his intention. But then again, Lin's the one who turns her massage session into a sex and Zekou is just more than happy to comply. Oftentimes, Zek likes to tease her down there with his tongue, edging her along while she's looking for a release. In this circumstance, Zek's a tease and Lin's impatient, but when she's dressed up all sexy and pristine with buttons and bows and laces galore, Zek is wildly impatient and Lin enjoys watching her man all hot and bothered over lingerie.

Ask me about my headcanons!

[hand-of-devotion]

Something tells me that they won’t get to the whole. Achieving Rau’shans shard thing as quickly as tonight.

However, I’ve been spending time rotating the potential of literally every Bells Hells member getting it, what it would do to them, and how either narratively rewarding/interesting it would be.

The least likely but in my mind potentially funniest is obviously FCG. I keep making myself laugh at the concept of the influence there being akin to like. Laser beam eye upgrades. Or maybe something with hyper charging the fantasy easy bake oven lmao. I honestly can’t think of a reason as to why he would get it narratively speaking. Maybe if he and Ashton’s relationship were more fleshed out there could be some argument there but out of all the pre-canon duos they’ve sadly been the least developed in my eyes (which isn’t to say they don’t care for each other. they do. just not enough in my mind to make it A Reason for it to end up with FCG).

Unlikely but I could still hypothetically see it being done in a non-humorous way is Imogen. Who I pretty much doubt will genuinely get it as much as I doubt it going to FCG. But she’s still at least more credible in my eyes as a result of her connections to the Ruidus/Ludinus situation. Which also simultaneously is the thing that makes me think she wouldn’t get it? It’s weird. Like I WOULD understand it happening because of her role thus far but simultaneously believe out of everyone her importance is also what makes it nearly least likely. There’s also good meteor imagery there.

Unlikely but still potentially interesting to me. Is a tie between Orym and Chetney. Obviously for Chet, he’s already got a very minimal grasp on the element and the idea of him “going out in a blaze of glory” as a fire wolf is cool conceptually. Orym is weirdly something I’ve thought a lot about but still struggle to word properly. Basically my feelings there can be chalked up to “something something fan the flames”. Regarding his minimal grasp on the element of air, which is complementary to fire. As well as attention that can be drawn towards Orym and Ashton’s already existing battle compatibility. There’s also something to be said about “resident normal little guy” so swiftly becoming less normal to reflect the group I guess?

Then more likely and interesting is Laudna! Other people have already discussed her interest in the Primordial Titans. As well as her active grappling with Delilah AND the source of her sorcerers magic. Of course getting primordial abilities could be extremely dangerous if it does nothing to offset the amount of hypothetical control Delilah has over the situation. But you know. At this point if Laudna wants to try burning the witch out from the inside in some wild attempt to gain SOME sort of active control and understanding over ANY of her powers, I say god speed Queen. I live for hubris and general bad decisions if that wasn’t already obvious from who I’m personally rooting most for.

Then of course the most obvious and likely being a tie between Fearne and Ashton. I’ve talked plenty about Ashton’s specific potential as it’s what I’m personally most interested in seeing so instead I’ll just talk about the aspects of Fearnes potential that I enjoy! Obviously the main two things for me are her established connection to and control over the element as well as her recently established bond with the champion of Asmodeus! I personally am a big fan of the idea that the current primordial shard situation will mirror the union of Ka’mort and Rau’shan. Which, obviously if they’re not uniting through just Ashton as a vessel, the NEXT best parallel to ME would be their ‘union’ having some ties to Asmodeus. Who intended to be the one to ‘revive’ them the first time during the Calamity. And again, Fearne is the closest in the party to Asmodeus. I’ve seen some people mention Nana Morri and how it’s possible she kept Fearne in that weird time pocket because she needed to be older when all this stuff in canon was going on? I don’t personally see that, to me it always seemed like more of an exploration of fey morality (Morris possessiveness over her ‘collection’ and Fearnes complicated ideas about relationships and attachments), the unintended consequences of her parents actions, as well as a potential avenue for strain and conflict for Fearne. But it is true that Morri witnesses ‘fate’ and has messed with the flow of things on purpose before so! I also wouldn’t at all be against that. I would also like to see it effect Mister. Upgrade that fire spirit monkey into like. Fire spirit King Kong. With a gun.

Tldr:

I doubt if it does go entirely to one specific person it’d be anyone other than Fearne or Ashton, MAYBE Laudna. I would be kinda surprised but not upset by it going to Chetney or Orym. And I can’t conceive of a narratively satisfying way of it ending up with Imogen or FCG but also don’t think I’d personally be “mad” about it, I’m sure I could get down with it given time for it to start having effects on them lol

[dulcewrites]

Considering Aemond is characterized as dutiful, perhaps religious, in the show, contrary to how he's portrayed in the books, how do you think the show runners will approach his relationship with Alys? Like, in the books he's more envious of the privileges Rhaenyra's kids have despite being unlegitimate, whereas in the show we can add to that the Faith's idea that bastards are evil, treacherous, whatever. So there's that. (And she even is RELATED to Lucerys, the kid he killed by accident. Something I liked but even if it was justified in his mind for his eye it was sorta underhanded, and his first kill, so I suppose it will affect him in some major way) (also not implying Alys cares about any Strong or alleged Strong at all, but I doubt this wouldn't cross his mind) Anyway, how will that even go? He's betrothed, he's dutiful (in a certain fucked up way), he's losing the Riverlands, he shouldn't fuck things up with the Baratheons, it'd offend then (in the books they were irrelevant in the long game lmao because Borros was such a shitty coward). She's a witch, a true bastard, doing base work. A romance sparkling? A babe? The level of respect he seems to show her, by the end? That seems too far fetched. They'd have to make Aemond spirall, or develop Alys really well (and even then it might be inconsistent) especially considering the screentime. They're will be many more important characters (Black allies) appearing in season 2, and Aegon, Jace, Baela, Mysaria will have more focus now. I just don't see how it could happen without it kinda sucking and either going oh he's forsaking it all or oh she's bewitched him. Because, again, screentime.

I will say, I feel like I might have said this before in the tags of something, but while I do think Aemond does take on the responsibility of following his mother’s orders. I don’t think his dutifulness is necessary natural if that makes sense. We see spurts of Aemond doing things he probably shouldn’t: going into the dragon pit in ep 6, going to claim Vhagar (which of course worked out by he always could’ve like… eaten or something lol), and the three strong boys speech right after seeing vaemond being beheaded for saying the obvious.

Also I think it is not hard for Aemond to look like the “good” child when he is mirrored against Aegon, the “bad” child. And Helaena, through no fault on her own or even Alicent’s most of the time, has a strained relationship with her mom. Then of course we don’t know how daeron is with them. We can assume by stuff in the book that he is well loved by everyone and his family. But he is not around at the moment. So yeah Aemond may have a special relationship with his mom but like… special to a fault.

I personally think based on how they set up the bastard situation for Aemond in s1, on top of some things ewan has said about characterization, I could see it being an actual love story. Not a love story without some strife ofc, but love nonetheless. To me much of Aemond (show Aemond’s) ire for Rhaenyra’s kids comes from how everything has spiraled for him mom, and of course his eye. Now I don’t think he is pro bastards (as a whole) by any means but considering the bastards he knows up until alys, I get why. To me they have painted it so far as less of a “these bastards have my or my brother’s birthright.” And more “these bastard (and their mom) put me and family through shit”. If anything we saw more of that energy towards his relationship with Aegon than the strongs. I think them having Aegon play a part in the bullying about the dragon was central to that.

Just bc he shouldn’t fuck things up… doesn’t mean he won’t. I think Alicent and Aemond are good parallels to each other. They are people who can take a lot on the chin, till they can’t. By the time alys and Aemond meet each other, this is what has happened in Aemond’s life

- he killed a kid (by accident in this context)

- that in a roundabout (daemon is a pos) way leads to his Nephew being killed and his sister going into a deep depression

-who knows how his relationship with will be with family

- his brother/brother’s dragon gets injured, he is asked to step in his place

Now I think all of these things mean he is not gonna be in the most… normal headspace. I think some paranoia about daemon is gonna seep in. Hence why I see them continuing with his attack on harrenhal. Ewan made some really interesting comments about unconditional love, and feeling out of place in his family at times. Idk just the overall tone gives off “but he WILL meet someone who gets that” vibes. It will change him. The same way getting Vhagar changed him.

This is so long winded I’m sorry. But as for how will they go about it. I personally like the idea of Aemond, insert quote ewan said about Aemond seeing enough, first being interested alys/sparing her bc he wants to know how he will die. Alys, thinking she is scaring him, tells him about battle above god’s eye. It all goes from there.

I don’t think much is far fetched with this show. They have shown they can give adequate time to things so we will just have to wait and see. Also I think just based on s1 it is safe to say the writers are intrigued by Aemond as a character. He will get his, and in turn so will alys 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[caelumsnuff]

I wish I could get paid like $16,000 (after taxes) or more a month for mediocre plotting, weak characterization, and once-a-month subpar audio porn like this basic and uninspired creative. This is quite bitter of course lol because his work was a fixation of mine for awhile until I realized how not great a lot of it is if you think about anything for more than two seconds and I also watched a lot of the podcast and realized he’s not a particularly kind person either lol.

It does have a little bite to it, but i don’t disagree with you. once again, under the cut because i am so so opinionated and i love ranting.

God i wish i could get paid that much too like gahddamn.

I sometimes wish i could say that his work was just a hyper fixation of mine, but at some point along the way it became closer to that of a special interest. I have quite a lot of fun criticizing and analyzing his work now, critically engaging with it (both being critical of it and having my brain on while i listen so i realize how bad it is at times lol) has become something i enjoy thoroughly. Good brain exercise.

I never was a patreon and im not going to be so i don’t know about the quality of his audio porn but like. I have GWA for that LMAO.

I agree about the mediocre plotting, ive talked plenty on this blog about how his plots are so often mediocre. I think a lot of them fall through because of the fandom reaction to them, or even their potential reactions. Which is a shame because Im of the opinion that he writes darker stuff better, but he doesn’t even just fumble the ball like he fucking drops it sometimes. (Fucking Marcus. Kody.) (the weak ass shit with inversion having no major consequences. Kill some characters you pussy) I think one of the reasons his plots are mediocre is because of the lack of consequences, of actual gravity and stakes. We never kill anyone. No one sustains permanent injuries. We need some kind of fear lingering over us that is palpable and that feels probable, something that has us sitting on the edge of our seats. But he tiptoes around doing things like this, and it has happened so often that we have settled in our comfort that no one important is going to get hurt, and nothing is going to change radically. Honestly it’d be a great time to do so now that we’re comfortable, but i doubt he will. Kill a listener. Kill a major speaker. Give someone permanent injuries. Fuck up relationships beyond repair. Have some horrible secret be revealed, betrayal and hurt and all that jazz. I havent listened to the Avior finale yet, but from the opinions ive seen from people i respect i dont have my hope very high.

Yeah if you think about any plot related stuff theres a 90% chance the floor is going to collapse out from under you. Its actually genuinely impressive how badly this man can fuck up an allegory, gotta give him props for that.

I feel like his characterization fumbles as well a lot of the time, his characters start off with so much personality and quirks and then he starts really fleshing them out and then……. They get buffed and smoothed out. At least thats what it feels like with all the fluffy, no plot comfort audios with little plot in between for months at a time. I do genuinely enjoy a lot of the characters (or the earlier, more full renditions of them. Or just the idea i have of them in my head) but i still think lately they’ve gone down hill. And i hope thats a trend that ends.

I’ve said it in anons to other people so if thats why this sounds familiar, its because it was me lmao, but i don’t particularly care for Erik’s personality all that much. I tried watching his livestreams way back, but i didnt last long because his chat is fucking annoying ass all hell and he wasn’t entertaining enough to justify me staying (for reference, i watch streams a lot. Ive moderated streams, Ive seen very annoying chats. His is horrible). I watched the podcast for a while but i just got sick of his and odies personalities. Hes kinda boring and comes off as fake to me. I wont assert that i know what hes actually like, i dont know the guy and it literally could just be general dislike (we’re human, it happens). I just tend to separate the artist from the art with this one. Its whateves.

But aside from all that, i hope that you still find some kind of joy in staying here if you choose to do so. Maybe its the fanfics, or you critiquing and analyzing the frankly subpar content, or maybe you make art of your own or play with what these characters could be like little dolls in your head, as long as it brings you joy.

Thank you for the ask anon! 💕

[shirostreasureroom]

(Que long Shiro’s rambles about the fic, thought I’d put this in a reblog instead because I knew beforehand I was gonna talk A LOT. Figured 20 comments weren’t organisable so XD here we are,,, hope you don’t mind!! <3)

OH MY LORDS. I finally took the time to sit down for this fic and I’m really glad I did! I started reading it, and before I knew it, I was at the end!! I’ve said it before but your writing reads so comfortably/smoothly that I’m able to get immersed almost instantly. I also learnt new words bc of the fic (lmao curse my small vocabulary, Zuri ur so smart wth ;;;) and this is worth mentioning because your choice/the timing of words make it read so much more smoothly/elegantly!!! I can see the effort and love you put into this fic and it really paid off <3

Ngl, I am still SO tensed up from that last scene–which was executed PERFECTLY–and I love how it gave me shivers (SLAY? I legit felt so creeped out wth TuT CANT FANGIRL ENOUGH ABOUT THIS SCENE). It feels like there’s a whole buildup to that final scene and it’s exactly (imo) what makes it so impactful!! The constant themes of ‘patience’ throughout the fic and constant back and forth of will-he-won’t-he makes every interaction with Childe feel as if you NEED to be on edge (a.e.; yes he seems to like you but at what moment will his patience run dry?). For a moment I wasn’t reading words behind a screen,–for a moment I was actually on edge and feeling those cold blue eyes tearing through the lies we fed the monster. 

[Somewhere in the beginning of the fic;] “Getting too friendly might backfire.” // LMAO I LAUGHED SO HARD READING THIS BACK.

I have to give you huge kudos on the way you wrote the reader. Their character/inner thoughts felt realistic/were well written and I don’t think they could’ve done anything differently to change the outcome in the end. Their inner thoughts really struggled against their actions (forced friendliness in fear) and this (quoted sentence) is like one of the moments where I thought; Man– this is the start of where it all went wrong. BUT THEN AGAIN?? WHAT ELSE WAS READER SUPPOSED TO DO??? This struggle added to the suspense and I especially loved those moments where reader went back to ‘patience’ and clutched onto it tightly in the hopes that the situation would breeze past them.

Another thing I loved: The constant reminder of ‘just X amount of time till we’re gone’ which might’ve add more suspense then my past pointers did. Reader is so close, SO CLOSE, ultimately less that four hours away of their escape when it all comes crashing down. It’s devastating and yet so satisfying to read. GG Childe, you’ve won this one.

I also have to mention the fact that Childe CONSTANTLY tries to (and fails to) comfort the reader. He keeps mentioning that they don’t need to be scared straight from the beginning where he tells reader he won’t shut down the store and let you suffer for the mistakes of your employer, till the end even as he forcibly takes reader “home”. I know he’s a mafioso and all but he really tried to will the reader instead of force them into a relationship in his own weird way. At some points (which reader also points out) he almost looks like a normal person, and as soon as they see it he changes again. I really love how you portrayed Childe. “Dissimulation” is now my fav modernAU/MafiaAU Childe fic ever. I doubt there’ll be any contenders close to being this great.

---

I am writing this all in one go so my thoughts might be scrambled but I need to mention some specific moments that made me crazy by quoting them and yelling underneath the quotes;

(Childe, asking reader out for dinner)

“So you’re only worried about your grades?” “Yes!” “And you’re not opposed to getting dinner with me?” “Yes! Wait…” He smiles. “Go on~” You narrow your eyes at him, fear all gone and annoyance taking its place. “I sense I’ve made a mistake here.”

I think this is one of the only times where reader spoke their mind to Childe. This banter felt really playful and it felt really in character for Childe <333 It also added depth in character for reader themselves. I also think this is one of those moment where reader thinks they’re slick with lying but Childe knows what’s really going on. (qqqq; he’s not as dense as he makes himself out to be, he can push the right buttons and get the truth out if he really wants to. We’re just lucky he does it playfully here compared to the threatening aura he does it with near the end.)

(Reader and Childe’s conversation in the car during the beginning of their ‘date’)

Childe asks about how university is, how your finals went, and how you’ve come to find the city. You answer the last question truthfully, hands fidgeting as you tell him about your reservations with the ‘law and order’ situation and how you’ve been begged to steer clear of the mafia. The statement is followed by a joke of you doing a horrible job at that, and Childe laughs, saying that you don’t have to be afraid of anyone in the city anymore. The comforting sentence doesn’t comfort you at all.

Honestly? I love how this is the moment where reader shares the truth. Later in the fic Childe confronts reader and asks them if they’re scared of him. This small part is almost meant to be like a big exclamation mark for Childe, but he misses it and instead places it beyond himself; blaming the other people of the mafia instead of himself for your uneasiness. (side note: I noticed that reader has a tendency to fidget with things when they’re nervous/uneasy. I wonder if Childe also noticed this because it’s a great pointer to their fear/uneasiness towards Childe.)

(During the date, two separate moments)

Next time? Good God what is he planning? // Again, next time? Not happening.

I really love the inner thoughts here + the motivation Childe has. I also love the realisation of reader a few weeks later that Childe puts in a lot of effort (a.e. Talking when reader proclaims to dislike the silences, …) while reader puts in the bare minimum.

Seriously. He's so human. You wonder how he ended up being in the mafia.

Bro this might singlehandedly be the best sentences of the fic for me. Even out of context it sounds so powerful

My girl. That’s what he called you. If that’s not a red flag, you don’t know what is. Despite that, you suck it in and let him take you home. Patience. You’ll leave soon and never show your face in his active districts again. Maybe you’ll even transfer schools if you’re lucky.

LMAOOOOO he keeps trying XDD Part of why I had to quote this is the “If that’s not a red flag, you don’t know what is.” LIKE GURL?? THIS UR FIRST RED FLAG?? NOT THE BLOOD SUCKING PART???? /sobs

(at the end of the date in the car)

“I understand. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t like me, right?” “Um, yeah.” You can’t pull your eyes away from his. “You’re… nice.” He blinks. “I’m nice?” “Yes.” Childe’s mouth opens in disbelief before he goes back to his senses with a shake of his head. He leans towards you, hand grabbing the back of your seat and eyes widened. “So that means I have a chance?” “Well,” you laugh awkwardly, “I never said you didn’t. I just said that-” “I know I know. You’re not looking for something right now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t change your mind later. I’m not going to do something weird, don’t worry. I just… won’t give up.” He’s smiling as he speaks, happy at the prospect of not being rejected. “I’ll keep trying!”

This is where the real shit starts imo. You kept true to Childe’s character and his relentless pursuit of what HE wants (given power or y/n lmao) and the things he can/will achieve by sheer determination. Between reader and Childe, he wins the game of patience. Should’ve chosen different words dear reader.

(at the store)

“I… I don’t know.” There’s a pitiful helplessness in your voice now, and you don’t know what makes you want to tell him what you are about to. But you do. And you have to watch the realisation appear on his face. “I never wanted your attention.” Admitting that somehow leaves a sour taste in your mouth. “I never wanted anyone’s attention. All I am is a student trying to make ends meet while cussing out the degree I chose for myself.” Eyes wide, Childe tries negotiating. “I could make your life better.” Hands slam the desk in front of him as he stands, barcode scanner jumping and falling back with a thunk. “I just need one chance. That’s all I need.” “I’m sorry, Childe, but-” “No no. I’m not asking. You don’t have to give me one.” You look into the lifeless blues of his eyes as he continues. “I’ll take that chance whenever I get the opportunity. You don’t have to worry your pretty head over it.” Somehow his decision to take matters into his own hands unnerves you more than his blatant signs of attraction. It didn’t help that he wordlessly left the store after that.

I love this part because it's so unsettling. Childe's determination is stronger than anything. I do wonder what he was doing between this and the last scene. I can't help but wonder if he knew about the flight after all,,, and what was the opportunity if not that last moment?

---

TDLR: Best fic I've read in a while and I regret putting it off for as long as I did. It might be a long read but when you're done you're still somehow yearning for more. THANK YOU FOR THE AMAZING WORK ZURI <333 UR THE BEST (lmao sorry for rambling btw)

Dissimulation

>Yan! Mafia! Childe x Fem! Student! Reader (Modern au)

>Word Count: 11.6k words (slow burn)

>a/n: my offering for best boy's birthday

Warnings: coercion, Childe doesn’t know how to flirt, blood is finger licking good, panic attack

An unwelcome customer turned into an unwelcome acquaintance has been terrorising your life starting from your minimum wage job. Perhaps your flight back home is your only way out.

Patience is a sign of virtue. Or at least that’s what your mother taught you when you were growing up. No, it’s all just some elaborate scheme for the notorious members of society to make others more docile and submissive to them.

Regardless, you don’t say anything, tired already as it is and just wait for the month to be over so that you can get your pay and go back home.

Even if he seems to like you, you would rather not push your luck. Despite only being in this city as a student, you’ve picked up that it’s best not to engage with the local mafia members, even if they seem friendly. Just keep your head down and return the greeting if given one. If one of them comes to your shop, treat them as a regular patron, and if a fight breaks out somewhere with one of them, do not take sides. Simply leave as quietly as you can.

Unfortunately, you have no such choice or opportunity to keep contact to a minimum. That is why you opted to bide your time and sneak out as quickly as you can and never opt for minimum wage jobs again. Maybe you could get a paid internship next time. You’ll probably meet the course requirements.

The dreaded convenience store you are currently walking to is situated a ten minute walk away from your campus dorms. Having to stay there and beep items all day was its own form of punishment as it was, but with the crowd that had recently started to come in these last few months, it started to seem more like a form of purgatory.

You still remember the lecture your friend had given you on how to act normal around the mafia community. The fact that they recently got active in this neighbourhood is simply an added bonus. Honestly, you’ve been counting the days when your incarceration will end with your flight. You just want to go home and hug your cats first, family members second. 

The bell chimes as you walk inside, and you sigh when you see the mess of ginger hair and a dangling red earring already waiting for you. At least this time his back is turned while he scrolls his phone even if he is sitting near the register.

About that, where’s the manager? He should be at the register right now since your shift just started.

“You’re late,” the dreaded man scrolling his phone points out, eyes not leaving the phone screen.

Keeping your friend’s advice in mind, you decide to reply before twisting the knob to the employee room. “Sorry. I was doing laundry.” A lie but you aren’t going to tell him that you got distracted watching cat videos.

No greetings were exchanged and he didn’t even look up at you. Strange, but it’s best to only reply when talked to. Getting too friendly might backfire.

Still, you decide to say something just for good measure.

“Is the manager in today?” you ask, eyes on him while your hand remains on the knob.

All you receive in response is a shrug.

Thus, you enter the employee room, and there you have it! Mister manager sits on the desk in all his white polo shirt glory.

The door hinges squeak loudly behind you when you close the door. Stepping to the desk, his head slowly rises to look at you when you greet him, but he doesn’t respond. After you’ve slipped on the employee uniform jacket and pinned your nametag, he speaks.

“I may have made a mistake.”

That causes you to frown. “What happened?”

“The guy outside… I… I didn’t realise he’s a high ranking member. I may have asked him to leave because he’s been here for half an hour already and… well…”

“Well, what?”

He shakes his head. “Well, he sort of jokingly said that the building belongs to his division and that the store could close if he wanted it to.”

“...”

“Look. I know you’re a student, so I promise I’ll pay you somehow, but please! He listens to you, right? Try to appease him!”                         

You groan. “I’m sure he meant it as a joke.”

“Please!”

“Alright alright. I’ll… try.”

Honestly, you don’t know what you’re going to do. He’s a higher ranking member, you know that much, but why he even bothers to be so friendly and chatty with you is out of your scope of understanding. At least now those tough looking ones that drop by in the evening don’t test your patience anymore.

Cautiously, you open the employees room door and head back outside. There’s still no one in the store, but you know that afternoon rush hour is about to start. With you on the register seat, the dreaded man who will stay with you on another shift turns his body to face you, phone immediately slipping into his pocket.

“So,” he drawls, “was the manager inside?”

You put your phone on the little shelf underneath the cash drawer. “Yes. He was inside.”

“Was he mad?”

“Um no.” You look at him questioningly, brow raising when he just smiles. “Should he be?”

“Who knows?”

“Right…”

Silence ensues and you briefly ask yourself why he’s less chatty today. You can’t believe that it’s concerning you. Sure, he’s a very dangerous person if he’s so young and in the mafia of all things, but dangerous people are downright terrifying if pissed. At least you’re not the one at fault. Besides, three more weeks and it will be time for your flight.

You just hope you make it.

“Something on your mind?”

He’s looking at you now, cheek resting in his palm. He’s even gotten closer, next to you to be precise. You don’t think you heard him get closer.

Nervously, you give a little laugh. “It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Dull blue eyes bore into yours, gently forcing you to answer truthfully. The lack of vitality in them unnerves you but that is precisely what compels you to answer.

“Well… the manager said that you might get the store to close…”

“That? I didn’t think he’d tell you. Anyway, I was messing around,” he smiles. “You’re a student, so it would be unfair to you to suffer in consequence to him.”

The statement doesn’t make you feel any better. “Ah, you’re too kind sir Tartaglia.”

Like before, the way you addressed him makes him frown. “Just call me Childe. Tartaglia is only for my men. Though… if you would prefer…” he leans in, hand that was previously holding his face now gripping the edge of the table as he whispers dangerously close to your ear, “I’d gladly tell you my birth name.”

He backed away again, a smile on his face. “And I know you wouldn’t tell anyone haha.”

How do you even reply to that?

Scratch that, should you even reply to that?

He’s looking at you again, that smile that doesn’t reach his eyes gracing his lips and impatience oozing from his face. You sense that he’s waiting for an answer so you try your best to comply.

“Understood... Childe.”

The name feels foreign on your tongue, and you blame the unfamiliarity on the nervousness that comes with being near him. Thankfully your answer seemed to appease him and he happily nodded.

Okay, one problem solved. You’ll get your minimum wage salary. Another problem. You’ll have to endure the awkwardness because you don’t have it in you to call him out.

As if on cue, your employer exits the employee room and heads for the exit without even looking at you. The fast walking didn’t make his exit any graceful, but it did make it seem important with how Childe eyed his movements.

Silence settles again as you blankly stare at the empty store in front of you. Regrettably, you’re a little worried about what might happen when you’ll be back after summer vacation. You never told him that you’re leaving for home and the white polo dunce of a manager has been sworn to secrecy about it after he flat out told Childe which institution you study at right in front of you.

Protecting your personal details is your job, so you’ve taken it into your own hands. It isn’t wise to tell a mafia member who obviously pines to be more than just acquaintances about your personal life and details. Thus, you will slip away to home on a weekend flight.

What happens after you’re back is something you didn’t consider.

Well, almost two months would have passed by then. Surely he wouldn’t care anymore… right?

You hope he doesn’t. Perhaps it would be best to avoid this neighbourhood. Maybe even look into school transfers to be safe.

“Something’s on your mind again.”

His voice cuts through the air like a dart and lodges into your head. Is it so wrong to simply want some peace? No wait. Peace is bad. If he's quiet then that’s bad. You’ll have to humour him.

Thus, you take a deep breath. Act normal, you tell yourself. You aren’t the criminal here. You’re a humble student trying to earn some money. Relax. 

“Well,” you drawl, “I’m just spacing out.”

You don’t even look at him, eyes still fixed on the empty store.

“You must be thinking about something.”

Grumbling, you internally curse your luck. Patience is running out and you don’t know how long you can remain civil with him breathing down your neck like this. Maybe he had a bad day and that’s why he’s more inquisitive than chatty.

“Nothing,” you sigh. “I’m not thinking about anything. Just waiting for rush hour to start so that my shift can go by quickly and I can go home and sleep.”

“Hm.” He’s closer now, and you can see him in the corner of your eye. “So you’re tired of this job?”

“Tired of the people that come here actually. Most of them are so shady it’s unreal.” Now that that’s said, you hope he doesn’t realise that the jab is actually at him.

“I realise that. I saw what kind of crooks used to come here. They mostly thought they could intimidate the people working here, but all that’s in the past now.”

Well, you do owe him the credit of straightening them out. If it wasn’t for Childe, you’d still have to endure taunts from those weirdos about how they can take anything from the store and you can’t do anything about it. Regardless, you can’t be certain whether his presence is actually good or bad.

“Anyway,” he’s behind you now, hands suddenly on your shoulders, “you’re not from here, right? Any plans to visit home for the summer?”

Well… shit.

How do you go about this… 

You never told him that you’re not from this city, so that can only mean that white shirt dunce did. Great. 

“I’m not sure,” you reply. Would it be wise to ask him how much he knows? Childe does seem to be friendly in all the weeks you’ve known him. Ah. You’ll take that chance. Slowly turning around in your chair, his hands remove themselves from your shoulders when you face him. “Did my manager tell you anything?”

Now you’re looking into his eyes, but he doesn’t seem affected at all.

“I asked him about it. He told me that you might go home for the summer if you can afford the ticket.”

Okay so maybe the manager saved you a little there, but you still need to answer him. So, you settle with going with what he said. 

Nodding, you look at Childe standing in front of you again. “I'm planning to decide by the end of this month. If I do go home, I'll put in a one week notice. Hopefully it isn't a problem."

He smiles. "Don't worry. It won't be."

You can't tell if he's comforting you or making notes to assist you. Either way, he doesn't know about your flight. Figuring out how to get him off your back when you come back for the next semester will be for when you're home.

"Anyway," Childe says, breaking the silence, "are you doing anything after your shift?"

Where did that come from?

Tilting your head a little, you act innocent in hopes he gets the hint. "Depends on what I'm asked. I do have some pending work. Why? Do you need me for something?"

"No. Just asking. What about tomorrow?"

"I'm not sure about tomorrow yet…"

Childe chuckles. "Then how about you make a reservation for the evening, with me?"

"W-why?"

"I just wanted to take you out for dinner. Is that alright?"

Did… did you just get asked out on a date?

Seeing your confusion, Childe chuckles again. “I promise I’m not going to kidnap you, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll just take you out, treat you to dinner, and drop you home. No shady stuff.” He raises his hands in mock surrender, tongue teasingly peeking out.

You suppose there’s no way out of this, but still try nonetheless. “What if something important comes up? Would it be okay to… cancel…?”

His hands go back to his hips. “Important? What could be more important?”

“Um, my summer courses? I still get assignments for those…” You hope that doesn’t offend him, but judging from his face he looks more confused than angry.

Childe clicks his tongue, a scolding look on his face. “You can’t get an assignment with a same day submission date, so that’s out of the question. But hearing your response, it’s alright if you’d rather not go.” He sits back down, arms crossed. “I would prefer it if you'd be honest with me. Prevaricating with lies is more than just annoying, you know.”

In the silence of the store, you can feel your heart beating loudly in your ears, the thump a scolding sound for your stupidity. If he’s angry with you, who knows what could happen. “No! Not at all. That’s not what I meant.” Your patience is still being tested but at this very moment you’re more fearful. “I’m just worried because those courses are counted in my cumulative GPA, and I can’t afford to let it drop!”

“So you’re only worried about your grades?”

“Yes!”

“And you’re not opposed to getting dinner with me?”

“Yes! Wait…”

He smiles. “Go on~”

You narrow your eyes at him, fear all gone and annoyance taking its place. “I sense I’ve made a mistake here.”

The teasing smile turns into an encouraging one and with a sigh, you surrender. “Fine. I’ll go with you.”

He gives a little celebratory ‘yes’ but you cut him short. “But I need to be back home by ten max.”

“Wait… your shift ends at seven…”

You cross your arms, finally getting back at him. “And what about it?” Seriously. Was he planning to hog your entire evening?

“That’s way too short!”

“I have a curfew placed on me by my mother back home. If I phone her any later than ten pm local time, she loses it. I would rather not be screamed at.”

“Alright. That’s fair.”

Now that that’s done, you still can’t believe you just agreed to a date with him.

However, Childe looks more than just ecstatic. He’s practically jumping in his seat, leg bouncing up and down and a wide smile on his face. When you raise a brow at that, he just smiles at you, practically oozing happiness.

He stays the same way, quiet and happy and fidgety as customers start to come in. As usual, he doesn’t say anything while you’re ringing them up and just stares. It’s when the rush dies down a little and only one guy is in the store that he speaks.

“Don’t you ever get tired of working so hard?”

You look at him from the corner of your eye. With his face in his palm, he’s staring directly at you. “I’m beeping items with a barcode scanner. I don’t see why it’s hard.”

“It is actually,” Childe says, firm in his statement. “I think you’re just used to the extra work so you don’t find it bothersome.”

“Maybe,” you shrug.

“Hm. You deserve better. Perhaps… someone who would take care of you, no questions asked. Someone… who would treat you as you deserve, cherish you, and make you happy.”

The way he speaks makes you uncomfortable, but you don’t let it show. Patience, you remind yourself. A few more weeks and you’ll be gone.

“There’s no need for others to look at you like this.” He sighs, “I hope that changes soon.”

You have no idea what he’s talking about, so you’re grateful the guy who was browsing the drinks for the last five minutes finally came to the counter. You busy yourself with billing him, but Childe just… stares. He doesn’t take his eyes off of you for a second.

Now, the regret of agreeing to dinner seeps in.

The customer leaves, and as soon as the door closes, you hear a phone buzzing. Before you even look at your phone, Childe has already pulled his out of his pocket and answers. He doesn’t give a response to whatever was said on the other side, brows furrowing as he cuts the call.

The chairlegs drag against the floor when he stands. “Sorry but I have to go.”

You don’t dare question the oddity despite your surprise to him leaving before your shift ends. “Alright.”

“I’ll pick you up outside your dorm. Is that okay?”

“Okay but what time-”

“I have your number. I’ll text you, don’t worry.”

With that, he’s out, leaving you confused inside the store. Considering the lack of smile and the fact that this is the first time he left before seven pm, it must have been something work related.

You just hope nothing advances after the dinner tomorrow.

-

He really does have your number. You don’t remember ever giving it to him, so you don’t dare question how he got his hands on it. At exactly 8: 06 pm he texted you that he would pick you up at 7: 30 pm outside your dorm tomorrow. That means that you would have around ten minutes to get ready. 

Ten minutes are too much. You’re only going to change, maybe put on some lip gloss if you look too dead. No makeup and no accessories that could possibly make you look more attractive. Simple and plain is the goal.

Speaking of dinner, you’re going to have dinner with a mafioso. Perhaps you really should look into school transfers during the summer.

This sort of vicissitude was not welcome in the slightest, but you’ll have to work around it. If nothing else, you’re thankful that Childe is respectful of most basic boundaries and hasn’t attempted anything yet. Maybe if he wasn’t working where he was, you would’ve given him the time of day.

At 8: 19 pm, he texts you again. ‘Make sure to dress well :) I’d like to see you in a dress if you have any.’

Dress? Does he mean a fancy one? You send back a message asking for clarification, but he only replies with, ‘Anything casual and cute would work.’

Casual and cute… is he really bluntly asking you that?

- 

7: 17 pm. You kick off your shoes and head inside, dashing straight to the bathroom to wash your face. You’re less tired than usual because of Childe’s absence at the store today, something that made the manager anxious, but you didn’t dare tell him about the date.

7: 23 pm. You change into the baby blue Gingham maxi dress you bought a week before finals. It flows just fine, and you grace the look only with pearl studs. Wallet and phone are shoved into the pockets of the dress, and to not look soulless, you apply some lip gloss. The gloss is also stuffed into your pocket in case you want to reapply it later, which you would rather not but you never know. 

7: 28 pm. You set your hair again and slip on your sandals. One last look in the mirror and you give yourself a thumbs up. The look is something you would wear to a casual hangout with friends. Doesn’t look very try-hard or date-like. Perfect.

7: 30 pm. You open the door and head out. Pushing the elevator button, you check your phone for any messages while the elevator reaches your floor. Sudden nervousness makes you a little nauseous, but you breathe in slowly, telling yourself it’s no big deal.

The elevator door opens and as you step in, you collide with a very firm body. One look to the face of this body, and you’re frozen.

“Going somewhere?”

You nervously chuckle. “Childe. What’re you doing here?”

He ushers you both inside the elevator, pushing the ground floor button. “I’m here to pick you up? Did you forget about dinner?”

“Ah, no… it’s just… they don’t allow outsiders without a resident escorting them. I was going to wait in the lobby.”

“Really? The watchman let me in pretty easily.”

You don’t even want to know what that means.

“Anyway,” Childe says, voice louder than the gentle elevator music, “you look lovely.”

You glance at his maroon button down and roman silver dress pants, eyes resting on his earring. “Thanks. You look… fine as well.”

“Fine? I only look fine?” He’s leaning towards you now, and the elevator suddenly feels too small. Before you can be pressured into a reply, the doors open and you hastily step out into the lobby.

A chuckle comes from behind you, and soon you’re following him outside to a black car parked a little farther from the dorm entrance. With every step you take, you pray that no one left in your building for the summer catches you.

The car is unlocked with a beep, and though you’re a borderline broke student with no knowledge of expensive things because you can’t afford them so why bother, you can tell that the car is expensive. Or maybe it’s just polished to perfection, but it looks expensive.

Regardless, this is the hard part. Do you sit in the front seat or the back seat? The back seat would be rude but the front seat would be too straightforward. The front seat is too intimate and close but the back seat is too alienating. Shit. What do you do?

You leave your choice to luck and close your eyes, reaching for a door handle. Whichever you grab will be where you sit. Upon grabbing one, you open the door just to hear another one open as well. You open your eyes and a car speeds by at the same time.

Childe stands next to the open front seat door, a brow raised as he looks at you incredulously. You look at him, then to the door you just opened, then to him again. The door you opened is graced with your gaze once again before it’s Childe’s turn.

It’s silent, awkward, and you can’t shake the feeling that you messed up before the date even started.

“Would you… prefer the back seat?”

You blink at him, courage all gone when you reply. “Ah, no! It’s not that. I-I just wasn’t thinking. Sorry…”

Childe’s brow is still raised. “Okay. I’m not your driver. I’m your date. So, I’d like it if you sat in the front.”

Shit. Everything has gone to shit. You agreed to the dinner just to appease him and leave things on a good note instead of a sour one, yet you’ve already made things bad. Great job, [Name]. Aren’t you just wonderful?

Awkwardly, you close the door you opened and get in, allowing Childe to shut the door next to you before slipping into the driver’s seat. He starts the car, puts on his seatbelt, cracks his fingers, and folds his sleeves to the elbow before exiting the parking and going onto the road.

Your seatbelt feels uncomfortable in the heavy silence. Thoughts of what Childe might do if displeased swirl inside your mind but you frankly don’t know what. He seems to like you. He has never mistreated you besides being creepy a few times. Perhaps he’d forgive you. He always says your airheadedness is cute.

The pounding heart inside your chest gets more aggressive when Childe clears his throat, lips parting to give you another mini heart attack. “Aren’t you going to ask where we’re going?”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a secret.”

The pounding heart quiets down a little, confusion kicking away some of the anxiety. “Then it’s good I didn’t ask out of my own accord.”

A secret? What does he mean by that? Scratch that, is the location being a secret a good thing or a bad thing? Should you text your live location to someone? But all your friends are gone for the summer. That one girl you’re acquainted with on one of the upper floors might help if you disappear. At the very least, your jokes in the conversations you’ve had might at least let her sympathise enough to report your status to the police.

“Are you scared?”

Childe’s question makes you look at him, your heart going back to pounding crazily upon seeing his smile. “S-should I be?”

“No. You should never be scared when you’re with me.” His eyes are still on the road. “I realise you have a negative impression of me, but there’s no reason for you to be scared. Well, not you but others should be, but that’s besides the point.”

“Ah. I see.” No. You don’t see, but just go along.

“Mhm. That dress looks amazing on you.”

He takes a right turn at the green traffic light, and you briefly glance at his flexing arms as the steering wheel turns. “Thanks,” you reply. “The dress has pockets.”

As a demonstration, you pull out your phone and show it to him. Childe chuckles at that, calling it cute and you find your heartbeat growing tamer. The phone is shoved back inside and pleasant conversation fills the car on the way.

Childe asks about how university is, how your finals went, and how you’ve come to find the city. You answer the last question truthfully, hands fidgeting as you tell him about your reservations with the ‘law and order’ situation and how you’ve been begged to steer clear of the mafia. The statement is followed by a joke of you doing a horrible job at that, and Childe laughs, saying that you don’t have to be afraid of anyone in the city anymore.

The comforting sentence doesn’t comfort you at all.

The car stops in front of a restaurant and Childe opens the door to allow you to step out. Keys are given for valet parking, and Childe takes your hand as he leads you inside. Thankfully, it’s not as fancy as you thought. It’s not even as expensive, the kind of restaurant where you could arrange a fancy friend get-together. 

The not so high end restaurant doesn’t make you uncomfortable, but sitting across Childe does. He apparently made a reservation for the rooftop, so here you are, wind gently blowing in your hair as he unbuttons another button of his shirt.

“Do you like it?” He’s looking at you now, eyes briefly going to your phone when you place it on the table.

“It’s… nice.”

“I didn’t choose somewhere any fancier because I figured you might get uncomfortable. Next time though.”

Next time? Good God what is he planning?

Your face may have given it away because he's tilting his head at you, earring dangling in tandem as he acts coy. "Is something wrong? Do you not like the idea?"

"N-no. That's not it…"

"Hm?"

You gulp. "Ah it was just a little sudden. That's all."

"I'm glad." He's back to smiling now, face resting on his palm. "I'll make sure to treat you like how you should be next time."

Again, next time? Not happening.

Childe grabs the menu, requesting that you let him order for you both. He says something about the taste of home and this restaurant being the only one able to recreate that, but you don't bother. You simply brush him off, telling him he can go ahead.

It's when a few minutes have passed since ordering that he speaks again. Luckily, the clanking of plates and chatter helps tone down your nervousness.

"I come here whenever I miss home. This restaurant actually originated from my homeland, so I thought I'd bring you here. It's not high end as well, so that's an added bonus."

You nod. "Interesting."

Elbow on the table, he rests his chin on the back of his hand, blue eyes studying you carefully. The observant gaze makes you feel small, and you end up clearing your throat when his gaze drops to your collarbone.

You look him in the eye as you speak. "It's a little awkward, isn't it?" 

He tilts his head like earlier again. "What is?"

"The silence."

"Ah. Sorry. I just couldn't help myself. You look stunning."

Unlike the previous times, the compliment makes your cheeks heat up. It's probably because this time he's looking right at you with the faint hint of red on his cheekbones. Seriously. He's so human. You wonder how he ended up being in the mafia.

Childe doesn't allow silence to settle again, chatting away about his homeland and how he misses the snow. He says it's easier to go outside in this city's climate, but the memories and people back home make living there worth it. During his rambling, you simply nod along, only adding in a comment wherever you deem necessary.

Patience, you tell yourself. This'll pass. At least you're fortunate in the sense that Childe is accommodating and nice. 

He continues rambling, telling you about his younger siblings. Fulgent expression and energetic voice, you lean forward to give him your attention, content that he's making good conversation. As you listen to him, your fingers start fidgeting with the cutlery set in front of you.

Your eyes remain on him as he recounts a story where his youngest brother Teucer refused to acknowledge his sister Tonia after she got a haircut. Hearing about the young child's inability to recognise his sister makes you chuckle which in turn makes Childe pause to look at you with widened eyes.

A smile stretches on his lips, and you trace the edges of the knife when he resumes. 

"Mama was pretty concerned about that. It took Teucer a few days to accept that his sister looks different now. Ah. I miss them. They're a lively bunch and I miss being with them."

Your thumb runs up and down the edge of the knife while it's clutched in your hand, face resting in the palm of your free hand. "You can visit them if you miss them that much."

Childe gently shakes his head, hair swaying with the movement. "It's not possible at the moment." At your confused expression, he clarifies, "I can't tell you why. It's confidential information."

"That's fair."

"But I am glad I still get to be here. I got to meet you, after all."

"Oh. That's… nice."

"Mhm." He's leaning towards you as well now, both arms resting on the table. "Any development in your plan to visit home? You should go. If you're having any problems with the plane ticket or something then-"

"Ouch!"

The knife drops from your hand, clattering dully on the table. Blood oozes from the pad of your thumb as your hands shake from the startle. It doesn't take Childe even a second to be on his guard.

"You cut your thumb?" He gets up, drags his chair beside you and sits, knees brushing against yours. "You were fidgeting with the knife… well, no matter."

Instead of grabbing a tissue, he takes a hold of your hand and stares at the bleeding cut. More blood oozes out of it the longer he stares and one drop even reaches your palm. However, that isn't what's bothering you. It's the fact that he just licked that blood trail. 

He licked it. And now he's sucking on where the cut should be.

The feeling of his tongue is what brings you back to your senses, confusion and panic overtaking your senses and overwhelming you. Pulling your hand away does nothing because his grip is too strong. Goodness, at least the few tables around you are empty and no one else seems to be looking.

"Childe."

He doesn't let go, pressing your thumb down against his tongue instead.

"Childe. Let go-"

A trail of saliva joins your thumb and his mouth. The two of you make eye contact and you notice a slight blush on his face. Childe then manoeuvres your hand, his lips on your palm as he tenderly kisses the skin messily. 

The action gives you goosebumps but you remain quiet, still confused about what's going on. It's when he finally lets go and presses a tissue to the cut that he speaks.

"Be careful."

You remain frozen, hand in his while the tissue remains pressed over your thumb. You can no longer hear the faint background chatter or feel the gentle breeze in your hair. In your senses are dull blue eyes, freckles dusted across cheekbones and nose, and warm breath fanning over your ear when he leans in.

Childe's voice is a whisper, the edges of his hair tickling your cheek as the chair quietly croaks. "You shouldn't be playing with dangerous things."

He leans back again. With a smile, Childe gets up, drags his chair back to where it was, and seats himself. The air surrounding you both is casual, light, like something completely out of the blue didn't occur. This gives you the hint that it's best to not talk about it.

Elbows on the table, both his palms hold his face as he looks at you with a smile. The skin under his eyes crinkles slightly, freckled cheeks squished, and long auburn eyelashes framing the deep blues. You sit there puzzled and feeling slightly violated while Childe continues staring.

It's honestly a little funny.

Right when you concluded that Childe was nice, he does something completely uncalled for. You remove the tissue that was pressed to your thumb, pleased to see that your blood cells have done their job and the platelets coagulated. It'll probably turn into a scab by the time you get home.

Dammit, now you're nervous all over again. Curse you mass of neurons floating in cerebral fluid! Be useful! Sure, he just sucked on your thumb, but keep it together.

When you look at him again, he's still staring. With a sigh, you ask him about his job, what kind of work he does, but Childe only shakes his head, refusing to answer.

His excuse smoothly exits via soft, pink lips. You didn't know you were looking at them until you heard him speak.

"I don't think you'd enjoy hearing about my job. Plus, it's all confidential."

You will yourself to look back into his eyes no matter how difficult eye contact may seem. "Shady? Is that what you're implying?"

"Hm." He hums. "Let's just leave it at that."

So he admits it? Great. You can't wait for the evening to be over. The bag of chips sitting at home sounds very comforting and appetising right now.

When he continues talking again, you start fidgeting with the edges of your sleeves under the table. You need a distraction. Using your phone would be rude, so you figure abusing the fabric of your sleeves is a better option. It takes a little while for your food to be here, but when it is, you compliment his order and ask him about his choice.

The question serves to keep the conversation easy and light while allowing you to only answer, not speak. This in turn allows nothing uncomfortable to occur during dinner. It’s thankfully uneventful until it's time to pay.

You had no qualms about paying for yourself, but being Childe, he told you he’d take care of it. You had no problem with that either. What you did have a problem with was what he said.

“Let me treat my girl.”

My girl. That’s what he called you. If that’s not a red flag, you don’t know what is. Despite that, you suck it in and let him take you home. Patience. You’ll leave soon and never show your face in his active districts again. Maybe you’ll even transfer schools if you’re lucky.

You’re really hoping you can transfer. He might come find you himself after you come back from summer break. Even with all those troublesome thoughts in mind, you act as casual as you could while sitting in his car as he drives you home. Conversation was nice, the thumb incident was borderline violating, but the meal was tasty.

The car stops near your dorm’s entrance, but before you could make any move to exit the car - hand hovering over the handle - Childe locks the doors. You turn to look at him but he’s already looking at you.

“I need to ask you something,” he says, voice unsure and eyes not meeting yours.

Tentatively nodding, you signal him to continue.

“Did you… enjoy yourself?”

“Huh?” You scold yourself mentally for the confused expression. Clearing your throat, you compose yourself. “Yeah. As far as enjoying dinner goes.”

His eyes finally meet yours, and the eye contact is intense. “I take it that you’d like to do this again?”

“...”

“I don’t mean immediately but maybe sometime in the future?”

Sighing, you slump in your seat. “I can’t be sure.” It’s better to make things clear and not lead him on, even if it’s harsh. “I’m not… looking for something right now. It would be unfair to say yes to you when I don’t mean it.”

Childe’s grip on the edge of his seat tightens, the leather squeaking as it gets abused. “I understand. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t like me, right?”

“Um, yeah.” You can’t pull your eyes away from his. “You’re… nice.”

He blinks. “I’m nice?”

“Yes.”

Childe’s mouth opens in disbelief before he goes back to his senses with a shake of his head. He leans towards you, hand grabbing the back of your seat and eyes widened. “So that means I have a chance?”

“Well,” you laugh awkwardly, “I never said you didn’t. I just said that-”

“I know I know. You’re not looking for something right now, but that doesn’t mean you won’t change your mind later. I’m not going to do something weird, don’t worry. I just… won’t give up.” He’s smiling as he speaks, happy at the prospect of not being rejected. “I’ll keep trying!”

Honestly, the determination he has is cute but it’s almost 10 pm. “That’s great and all, but could you unlock the door? I really need to go.”

“Oh, of course.” The doors unlock with a soft click and Childe bids you goodbye with another concerning statement. “I’ll make sure you change your mind. It’s a promise.”

The chips in your room lived to see another day.

-

The events of last night’s dinner keep replaying in your mind. It’s like a curse, the moment when Childe grabbed your wrist and gently shoved your thumb inside his mouth. Even with the bandage over it, you can still feel the ghost of his tongue, wet and warm, licking it.

You stop in your tracks to shiver.

It’s infuriating how even on your way to your shift you can only think of him and how he promised to change your mind. So much for leaving without any trouble. Can’t he take a hint? Maybe he’s too dense. It does seem characteristic of him.

The bell chimes when you open the door and head inside. A few customers are browsing the store, one middle aged woman and two office workers to be precise, while the manager sits by the cash register. His white polo shirt greets you before he does and by the time you come back from the employee room changed into your uniform jacket and nametag, the customers are gone.

Beloved and totally not airheaded manager moves away from the register, handing you a little list of work to do and announces that he’s leaving to meet up with someone.

Not even ten minutes of him being gone and the dreaded blue eyed mafioso walks in.

The bell chimes to signal his arrival, and unfortunately you meet his eyes as he stands at the entrance. He’s dressed too casually today, a white T-shirt with some band name on it, blue jeans and white sneakers. If you weren’t aware of his lifestyle, you would’ve thought that he was just another young adult on the street.

“Hi!”

You return his greeting with a simple nod, and he comes in. The only sound is his footsteps till he stops on the other side of the register. You meet his dead eyes again, regret instantly seeping into your bones. Childe’s gaze is affectionate, soft. Being on the receiving end of such a look is overwhelmingly foreign and uncomfortable. 

The freckles dusted across his cheekbones and nose catch your attention, but they fail to be graced with your eyes for long. You immediately look away when you realise you started to stare.

Regardless, Childe acts as though he didn’t notice and rounds the register to sit on the chair next to you like always. He doesn’t speak of the date. Typical conversation plays out, much to your surprise, and you mentally curse yourself for expecting him to bring up yesterday evening.

However, it’s not his casual physiognomy that bothers you. It’s his friendliness and the fact that he has started messaging you like one would a friend. Just yesterday he had texted you for the first time in his life and now he’s spamming you funny videos and memes?

Should… should you be worried?

It might prove to be more difficult to shrug him off. You didn’t want to be harsh and outright reject him for him after how he had seemingly tried to be kind and took you out for dinner, but now it seems like that would have been the correct course of action. It’s not that you’re rejecting him solely on the basis of being a part of the mafia. It’s simply your desire to not be in a relationship right now.

Perhaps he’ll respect your wishes like he did last night, even if he did claim that he will keep trying.

-

You should not push your luck. Really. You shouldn’t. You shan’t do so.

First, you leave his meme spams on read. Then, you have the gall to address him as ‘sir Tartaglia’ again by mistake. The instant fall of his smile had sent a shiver down your spine and reminded you of why you told yourself to be careful. Just because he likes you doesn’t mean you’re safe.

Maybe you are, but that change of expression has creeped you out to no end. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

It has been two weeks since the dinner and Childe has settled with chatting with you over text during the late night hours. Tonight, however, you’ve put your phone away in favour of watching something on your laptop. The screen illuminates your face in the darkness of your room, and your phone’s buzzing briefly catches your attention.

You ignore it, obviously. You’re leaving in one week. This little ‘friendship’ or whatever one could call it is pointless. You’ve already planned on blocking Childe on all the socials he’s invaded as soon as you reach home, a step towards never seeing him again. The less you let him get attached, the easier it’ll be for him to forget you and move on.

-

Childe is… a little annoyed. You didn’t reply to any of his texts for a few days, leaving it on read since he sends some random videos after the texts. He let it slide at first, but now he’s bothered. It’s evident in the way he isn’t smiling or even talking to you for that matter. 

Not wanting to end up on his bad side permanently, you capitulate your ego. “Childe? Is something wrong?” You’re restocking the potato chips as you speak, head peeking over the short aisle to look at him while he sits at the register. “You seem off.”

He makes eye contact with a face devoid of any emotion as if that were the most natural thing to do in the situation. “Why do you ask?”

“I just said so. You seem off.”

“It’s nothing.” Childe looks away, opting to stare at his shoes. He’s wearing casual clothes today as well, something you noted he started doing more often after the date.

Seeing that he won’t budge, you go back to restocking but perk up again when you hear him speak, albeit very softly.

“You’re ignoring me,” he mumbles to himself.

So, you do what comes to mind. Leaving the chip packets on the floor of the empty store, you walk up to him, hands on your hips. “I’m ignoring you?”

He doesn’t look at you, his shoes the most interesting sight in the world. “Yeah.”

“What makes you think that?”

“You don’t talk to me. It’s always me who initiates the conversation.” He looks up, making eye contact. “Is it because I’m in the mafia and you don’t want anything to do with me?”

The subtle accusation makes you defensive immediately, and you stammer. “N-not at all-”

“It is, isn’t it?” The earring hanging from his ear briefly catches your attention when he tilts his head. “That’s why you lied and said that you weren’t looking for a relationship right now.”

“But I’m really not.”

“Relationships aren’t ‘looked for’. They just happen.” Childe leans back in his seat, making you grow more nervous. “And you don’t want one to happen with me just because of where I work.”

Your hands start fidgeting with each other on their own, tongue pushing against your mouth’s hard palate. It takes strength to reply to his imputation. “That’s not true…” Heart beating wildly in your chest, you push the words out. “It’s just… I don’t want a relationship right now.” Think brain, think! “It’s not you, it’s me.” Curse you mass of neurons and amygdala for thinking of this ginger as a serious threat. “So please, don’t think of reasons that aren’t true.”

“But they are true,” he states, like he’s telling you that the moon also exerts gravity on the earth, voice boring and flat. “You just refuse to admit it because you’re scared of me.” Childe’s eyes bore into yours again, seeing through your casual lies and crafted confidence.

“I’m not scared of you.”

“You can’t fool me, [Name]. I’d prefer you to be truthful. Lies just get on my nerves.”

You gulp. There’s no way out of this now. “Sorry…”

“It’s alright. Just keep that in mind for next time.”

“...”

“How can I change your mind?”

“What?” You blink at him, not understanding what he’s asking you. “What do you mean?”

“How can I change your fear of me into attraction? I don’t like knowing that you’re afraid of me.” Childe’s expression turns into a pleading one. Genuine helplessness is written all over his physiognomy which in turn makes you uncomfortable. You feel small under his watchful gaze. It’s as though he’s watching every single movement and breath you take.

“I… don’t know…” Your hands hang by your sides as you stand in front of him, lips pressed into a thin line.

Voice gentle, he tries to persuade you once again. “Please. Tell me how to win your heart.”

“I… I don’t know.” There’s a pitiful helplessness in your voice now, and you don’t know what makes you want to tell him what you are about to. But you do. And you have to watch the realisation appear on his face. “I never wanted your attention.” Admitting that somehow leaves a sour taste in your mouth. “I never wanted anyone’s attention. All I am is a student trying to make ends meet while cussing out the degree I chose for myself.”

Eyes wide, Childe tries negotiating. “I could make your life better.” Hands slam the desk in front of him as he stands, barcode scanner jumping and falling back with a thunk. “I just need one chance. That’s all I need.”

“I’m sorry, Childe, but-”

“No no. I’m not asking. You don’t have to give me one.”

You look into the lifeless blues of his eyes as he continues. “I’ll take that chance whenever I get the opportunity. You don’t have to worry your pretty head over it.”

Somehow his decision to take matters into his own hands unnerves you more than his blatant signs of attraction. It didn’t help that he wordlessly left the store after that.

-

Today is your last shift before you leave for home. Oddly enough, Childe didn’t swing by the store ever since he left the other day, and he isn’t here right now as well. It makes you uneasy. Something’s wrong. You can feel it in your gut.

He hadn’t even contacted you or sent any cat videos or memes, and being the coward that you are, you left things as they were. Hope that you won’t see him again keeps you going and stops you from poking at the obvious issue lest it bites you back.

But… you feel a little guilty. Even now as you stare at the floor on the other side of the cash register, you can’t help but recall how Childe tried his best to keep conversation flowing during dinner despite getting a very rude lack of input from your side. He’s been trying, and you’re the one not giving him the time of day.

Nonetheless, relationships aren’t built on pity. You hope he finds someone else, someone more suited for him. That’s the only wish you have for him even if the moral ramifications are eating you up on the inside.

Still, you can’t stop your mind from wandering to the question of what he meant by taking the chance when the opportunity presents itself. Does he somehow know about your flight? Well, if he did, he wouldn’t have disappeared. Best to end things on a good note rather than a bad one and stay in contact. But what if he doesn’t care anymore?

Though that outcome is the welcomed one, it still stings to think that. Someone losing interest in you isn’t exactly something that makes you feel good. Regardless, it’s welcome in this situation. You were never in favour of his attention being on you and you never will be.

At 7: 08 pm, the bell at the door chimes in goodbye as you step out. The evening rush hour greets you, and you go with the flow of the people rushing home after a long day or work. Well, it’s the weekend tomorrow. At least they have something to look forward to.

The building of your current residence comes into view and relief washes all over you. Just a bit more and you can get into bed. There’s still a few more hours till you leave, and all your luggage is packed. All you need to do is take a nap.

You practically skip to the entrance, the cool air of the lobby’s air conditioning hitting your face. No one is inside and you hurriedly make way to the elevator. 

The nap you took felt like an entire night of rest. With a stretch, you jump out of bed to gather the rest of your things. It’s when you’re locking the door to your room when you realise just how quiet it is. Your apprehension is understandable, if not relatable. You’ve never exited your room after coming back home for the day, so you have no idea what the building is like after a certain hour.

Dragging your suitcase with one hand, hand carry with the other, you haul them both and yourself - the backpack on your shoulders being an honourable mention - inside the elevator. The air is uncharacteristically cool and dry, something elevator music fails to get your mind off of. 

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, but you ignore it in favour of dragging your luggage outside the elevator and into the lobby. Who would be calling this late? Probably your mother. The video call would cut when you step out and the Wifi disconnects, so it doesn’t matter. Key left at the receptionist’s desk, you mentally thank yourself for checking out online in the evening but pray that the key is still here by morning.

Hesitation wins and you end up leaving it next to the pen holder. You were told to drop it off at the desk. It’s not your fault it’s unattended.

The bus stop is a five minute walk away, so with a deep breath, you step out of the lobby and to the outside, allowing the night’s cool breeze to caress your face as your luggage stays grasped in either hand. Your eyes land on the empty road, praying that you don’t get creeped out by the lack of people.

Biting the inside of your cheek, you take a step forward, then another, and another, till you’re a few metres away from the building’s entrance. The breeze is still blowing and the air is cool so you won’t be hot during your wait at the sto-

“[Name]?”

The breeze stops blowing.

“Where are you going at this hour? And… why… is your luggage with you?”

Your breathing is the next to stop, though only momentarily.

Almost on instinct, you let go of everything in your hands and reach for the phone in your pocket. You don’t even bother looking at the source of the voice, eyes glued to ‘Childe’ glowing on your screen as the contact of the missed call. Heart hammering in your chest, you slowly turn to look at him.

Regret and fear seep into your bones at the same time. He’s wearing something similar to what he usually did in the beginning, garnet dress shirt and dark grey dress pants. The gloves on his hands cover his palms but leave the majority of the back of his hands exposed, phone held in the leather grip.

What your eyes focus on first, however, is the earring. It catches the light from the lobby behind him like a beacon, but you’re quick to look away and into the blue irises of his empty gaze.

There’s no time for you to question why you didn’t hear him before he spoke up.

“Are you leaving?” He takes a step forward, phone slipping inside his pocket, and you take a step back. The reaction is all he needs from you to raise his hands in surrender, only coming closer when the wary look on your face softens into something more observant.

“Are you going back home?” Childe stands only one step away when he asks that and tilts his head waiting for an answer. He receives one in the form of a nod, and questions further. “When’s your flight?”

“Half past 3 am,” is your reply.

“So you have a little less than four hours,” he points out. “I actually came here to talk to you. I uh… I missed you and couldn’t help it. If I knew you were leaving, I would have come sooner.”

You’re still watching him attentively, the clothing he’s wearing sufficient to ring alarm bells in your head. “So you wanted to talk?”

“Yes.”

“Well,” you bite your lip, “I guess I’m not running late. The bus will be here in fifteen minutes anyway, so I have time to spare.”

“Perfect!” He grabs both of your luggages and drags them in the opposite direction of your intended destination: the bus stop. It takes a stern question from you for him to stop and look at you with that empty gaze again. “I’m just taking you to my car. I’ll drop you off. There’s no need to bother yourself with the bus.”

Any demurrance from your side is promptly shut down and smoothed over with reassurances that he’d get you to the airport safe and sound. As your packed belongings sit next to the car, Childe eases the backpack off your shoulder and leaves it on top of them.

It’s when he looks at you that the anxiety skyrockets, eating away your consciousness. Alone with Childe, a highly ranked member of the mafia, at near midnight with all your belongings and an assurance to be dropped off the airport safe and sound is an obvious problem.

You should have listened to the uneasy feeling in your gut back in the store.

“So,” he drawls, standing a foot away from you with his hands in his pockets, “I know I was brash and that I shouldn’t have made you uncomfortable and also should have apologised to you later, but I won’t.”

That causes you to perk up, anxiety dying down a little. “You… won’t?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “I won’t. It’s because I’m not going back on my words. I know you don’t view me as a potential partner, let alone friend, but that isn’t going to stop me.”

You don’t like where this is going.

Childe continues, eyes still boring into yours. “I don’t understand why you’re afraid of me. I’ve told and showed you countless times that I’m not going to do anything. It’s pointless to waste your energy. All I want is to exclusively be yours and call you mine. Why would I ever do anything to you if that’s what I wish for?”

The sir suddenly feels too suffocating, like not enough oxygen is filling your lungs. There’s a subtle darkness in your vision, one you deal with by walking to and leaning on the parked car, not that it helps. Not with the deeper breaths you’ve started taking. It doesn’t take any more indications for Childe to rush to your side, an unwelcome hand gently stroking your back.

The breeze flows again, caressing your face and blowing through your hair, but you’re still sweating.

You don’t know what happens next, just that you’re inside the car, the AC turned on, a light shining over your head, and a hand still running up and down your back while you take mouthfuls of breaths. They’re quicker now, you note, and a hand - your own hand - rises to cover your mouth as your sight and self-awareness is restored.

The confusion and vulnerability hits you like a truck and the tears simply fall harder.

Each and every time the hand moves over your back, you feel like more of your skin was peeled off, goosebumps still littering over your arms. It takes several minutes for you to somewhat calm down and become cognizant of your emotions and actions. It doesn’t come as a surprise when the first thing you decide to do in that state is cry harder.

What are you crying for? You don’t know. It’s hard enough as it is to just continue breathing. Processing your emotions is for later.

A hand, a foreign one, gently lifts your face, allowing the dashboard to come into view, and turns it to the source. Childe’s blurry image greets you as your chest heaves, warm thumbs swiping away the tears rapidly running down your cheeks. You don’t have time to dwell on where his gloves disappeared to, focusing on the feeling of his warm thumbs feeling cool over your tear stricken face.

Several minutes pass again, and you sit with your face in your hands while Childe puts your luggage inside the car trunk. Reddened, swollen eyes meet his blue ones in the silence of the car, your sniffling being the only sound. Whatever you just experienced was horrible. Had Childe not been… no. He is part of the cause. Him helping you through it is the least he could have done.

The driver’s seat is quickly occupied once again, and Childe breaks the silence, concern present all over his face. “Are you feeling better?”

You nod, too uncertain in your ability to speak. His question of whether or not you want some water is met with a shake of your head, and Childe settles with pressing his lips into a thin line.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t think it would upset you that much.”

Voice slightly raspy, you reply after clearing your throat. “It’s alright. I… I didn’t see it coming as well.”

He slumps into his seat, head turned to look at you. Childe’s eyes glaze over your body, looking for potential signs of fear. It seems to him that you’re dazed, confused. It’s advantageous for him, if not relieving. Seeing you afraid or in pain doesn’t elicit any positive feelings.

After receiving your permission, Childe puts on his seatbelt - all the while making sure you fasten yours as well - and reverses the car, intending to drive you to the airport. You’re a bit late compared to what you originally planned, but you suppose he can get you there on time.

The car is eerily quiet with the lack of music. There’s no gentle humming from Childe, only the sound of either of you breathing. Unfortunately for you, the silence fails to last.

“So when are you coming back?” Childe’s voice is calm, flat. He’s completely casual in his question despite your concern that he wouldn’t take kindly to being lied to about such a thing.

“It’s one way,” you lie. Not being held accountable for your verbal deceit helps you gain some confidence. “I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but I’ll be back for class obviously.”

The car is silent again for a while and it fills you with hope for a quiet ride, one where you would get off, thank Childe profusely, and head home never to see him again. Alas hope is crushed, and you freeze in your seat, muscles tensing when Childe speaks again.

“How much more are you going to lie?”

Childe continues driving, acting unaffected with his demeanour and tone, but it wouldn’t take a genius to know that him gripping the steering wheel in a bone crushing grip is anything but him being casual. 

No. He’s certainly upset, and you’re afraid you’re too much at his mercy.

“I gave you another chance and you ruined it.” Childe’s fingers tap rhythmically on the steering wheel, voice even as he speaks. “Why don’t we try again? When’re you coming back?”

You bite your tongue when you feel the initial signs of panic bubbling up your throat. It takes a bit of force to make yourself speak, even if it’s in a more fearful way. “Seven weeks. I’ll be home for seven weeks.”

“You’re not going to block me on your socials when you get there, are you?”

With a shake of your head, you continue looking out the window. “No.” 

He hums, satisfied at your cooperation. “Good.” The car takes a turn, the empty roads seemingly omnipresent. “I’m not going to do anything. I just wanted to know the truth… er, more like hear it directly from you.”

A few minutes of silence pass, but it doesn’t last because you can’t stay quiet for longer. “You’re going the wrong way.”

“I am?” The smile in his voice is evident.

“Yes, you are.” You turn to look at him, nervously gulping at his grin. “Stop messing around.”

He doesn’t reply.

“Childe!”

Your panic fails to affect him in any way. With the fuzziness growing in your mind, there’s not much you can do except grab onto his sleeve. That causes him to look at you, even if just for a moment, but that’s all you get for a reaction. As a last resort, you reach for your phone in your pocket but freeze when you don’t feel the device.

You don’t need to say anything for Childe to provide the answer to your question. “Your phone isn’t there. It’s with me, I’m afraid.”

“Childe,” you say, voice low and pleading, “please stop screwing around.”

He sounds slightly offended when he replies. “You think I’m screwing around?”

“Yes!” Your exclamation doesn’t seem to affect him, so you opt for a more direct approach. “I don’t understand why you’re doing this. I came with you because I trusted you.” The words are spat out, but Childe only seems amused.

“Trusted me?” He chuckles. “Sweetheart, if you trusted me, you would’ve told me about your flight from the start instead of lying about putting in a one week notice. You’re scared of me, and despite the fact that it stings like salt on an open wound, I suppose there’s some merit to that as well.”

“W-what do you mean?”

“What do you think I mean?”

You bite the inside of your cheek now. There’s no way you can tell what Childe means by what he said. Judging from your previous conversations as well, your fear of him is a sour spot, but maybe you could exploit that to your favour.

“I’m afraid of you, because of your unpredictability and that is exactly what you are demonstrating right now.” You grab onto his sleeve again, albeit more desperately this time. “You gave me more reasons to fear you than you did to like you.”

The car slows, as if synchronised with Childe’s thought process. “Is that… really what you think of me?”

“Yes,” you reply in an even voice. “I was already a little scared from what I heard from people and then you started doing all this stuff-”

“Stuff like what?”

“Stuff like this!”

He sighs, moving the steering wheel to stop the car at the side of the road. “I just told you that I can’t ever hurt you, and you’re still calling me scary?”

Your eyes focus on his expression, specially searching for any signs of him lying - hypocritical on your part - but fail to find anything other than sincerity. The grip on his sleeve loosens, your hand ultimately returning to your lap, when he turns to face you. It’s intimidating to look into his dead eyes but it still makes you wonder how such a beautiful colour can be so lifeless.

Childe’s lips move and despite your feelings you find yourself absolutely memorised by the plush pink as his voice leaves his mouth.

“I’m not changing my mind.”

His declaration forces you to focus on his words, any attraction be damned.

“Lying to me and saying that you haven’t decided on leaving for home did get on my nerves a little,” he says, “but I forgive you. You’re cute, so I can’t stay mad at you for long.”

You let his words sink in. He says that he forgives you for the lie, but what now?

“Alright,” you drawl, voice nervous, “now can we please go to the airport?”

Childe leans in, a smile on his face. “How about instead of the airport, we go home?”

The word ‘home’ catches your attention and dread settles in. If he’s implying what you think he is, then you don’t think you’ll be able to catch your flight, let alone get to the airport.

“Childe,” you croon, “I think we have some misunderstandings. Before either of us does something impulsive and hurtful, let’s just talk it over.”

He just looks amused. “Oh? Talk over what? You’re the one pushing me away.”

You try again to de-escalate. “I only told you that I don’t want a relationship.”

“Liar.” Childe’s hand reaches for the edge of your seat, the skin below his collarbones and a little bit of his chest visible as he leans in closer. “We’ve already had this discussion before. Since you’re cute and obviously not in very good mental shape at the moment, I’ll give you a little bit of advice. Let me do my thing. I’m not going to hurt you, just… change your scenery a little.”

You narrow your eyes at him upon saying the word ‘scenery’. Though consternation eats you up on the inside, you trust that Childe wouldn’t do anything to you, at least not physically. What he is currently planning to do is a different matter.

Patience, you remind yourself. That might just be the only thing you have left.

“Now that that’s settled,” he says, going back to the steering wheel, “why don’t I take you home? I’m sure you’ll like it. It’s more comfortable and spacious than where you were living.”

In the most calm and even voice you could muster, you try pleading with him again. “Childe, please. Don’t do something that would make me hate you.”

He doesn’t even look at you when he answers. The lack of smile and his eyes fixed on the road as he continues driving does not help ease your increasing dread. “It might be a small bump, but the end destination is what matters in this case, not the journey.”

You glance to the door handle in an act of desperation but bite your lip when all hope is lost at the sight of the lock. Month old words hit you like a truck, patience being some elaborate scheme for the notorious members of society to make others more docile and submissive to them. After all this time, would it be wise to believe you’ll be alright?

[bisluthq]

I was thinking about how Timothee seems to admire Saoirse more than she admires him. She clearly thinks he’s a great actor and compared him to Daniel Day Lewis, but there’s a sense of admiration that comes from him that doesn’t really come from her. We’ve also seen this with Florence, Hozier and George. In Florence’s case, I’m thinking of that interview where Florence says she loved Brooklyn and Saoirse says she liked fwmf because of Jack pretty much. Both Hozier and George have said they like any movie she’s in, and while she likes Hozier’s music and was very supportive of George during the 2020 award season (and by that I mean that I saw like a video of her clapping), she would never say anything remotely similar during an interview. She also kind of said it in that interview with James, she was talking about relationships but she said she’s always the one that’s less into it. This takes me to my next point, which is that I think Jack and Saoirse have shared similar stuff about their relationship/each other. But Saoirse sounds more obsessed and I think this is why. Jack praises everyone all the time, he praises Saoirse more but it’s not really out of the ordinary. But it her case it feels more surprising because we aren’t used to that from her

yeah but like… Saoirse really is an amazing actor (so is Timmy tho and as you say she’s compared him to Daniel Day Lewis which is pretty much the highest praise one can give a male actor). I agree the amount she praises Jack is a bit funny because like he’s absolutely lovely but the way she talks about him you’d think he’s Timmy level talented and I’m personally not sure he is?? Not a criticism at all - few people are - but it is absolutely hysterical that she will openly say Timmy is well on the way to be on par with Daniel Day Lewis (he is imo and he’s also not method so less of a cunt and he’s proven in the last couple years that he’s not just a good actor but is a proper box office draw and can helm franchises and make serious money for people so that’s fucking awesome???) like once and then also take every possible opportunity possible to say Jack is the best thing since sliced bread. It is very very very cute. I don’t think Jack expects or even wants that necessarily but she’s just really really really into him and it’s ofc very cute.

I don’t think tho that Timmy specifically has been nicer about her than she is about him. He’s very complimentary (again deservedly so as he should be) but it’s not like he talks about her that often.

I’m still tbh surprised she didn’t get Dune because I think she should’ve based on the people who ship her with Timmy and how I’ve always imagined that character. I didn’t like florence in that film. I do like florence as an actress but she felt miscast in dune 2. I also don’t believe Saoirse turned it down and I do think she auditioned so I think they went for Miss Flo because she has a bigger socials following and I understand that but I think they should’ve trusted 1) it’s Dune TWO and we know Dune one did well so no reason to doubt that 2) Timmy can helm a franchise 3) Zendaya and Austin Butler - I actually think he was fun for that in the end - will bring people in. Irulan should’ve been Saoirse idk lol.

on that same note though, the fact that she wasn’t in that film also tells me a lot about Timmy and hers relationship because he absolutely has sway with creative choices right now. If he wanted a friend in what is essentially a cameo role, Denis would’ve done it for him. He didn’t gaf. Not in a nasty way imo - maybe if she’d actively asked him he’d have done it for her but I also don’t think she would’ve - but like he just didn’t gaf? I think he’ll watch The Outrun though to like check it out and I think she watches his stuff but yeah man idk if they were good friends she’d have gotten the part. He absolutely could’ve done that for her.

re hozier and George lmao yea okay they do seem more into her than she is into them these days. But Timmy and her seem fairly even and as I say if he liked her that much, he’d have had her in Dune. He doesn’t imo and he needn’t like put his ass on the line for a very casual friend lmao.