#again I would love to see the Diaz sisters on my screen also I think that’s a whole new dynamic to Eddie that needs to be explored as well | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

witchlyboo · 3 years ago

Text

Definitely, maybe.

Part five: The one who belongs to someone else.

Introduction. Part one. Part two. Part three. Part four.

Paring: Latina!reader x Logan Lerman x Tom Holland x Ben Hardy x Timothee Chalamet x Pedro Pascal x Michael B. Jordan

Warnings: Swearing, angst, misspellings, some Spanish, me learning how to write properly, and NY stuff that I've learned from movies that we all agree to pretend are real.

Word count: 6.4 k

a/n: You been asking for smut, I know, I know, I just wanted to introduce you to all the boys first, and we're getting there, just one more ahead. Also, I'm working on a masterlist because we are getting too many parts already.

All body types and skin tones friendly. You can also enjoy it as a no Hispanic reader. Constructive feedback and misspellings correction is always welcome.

Red and blue lights flash the driving mirror.

—No, no, no, por favor que no sea a mi—You beg to the sky looking at the patrol that is asking you to park, or someone else, there's a lot of cars in this part of the city, there's a big chance is the panic who's controlling your senses.—Dios, mi abuela fue a la iglesia cada domingo de su vida y nunca te pidió nada, please let me have some of her divina recompensa.—But that's not how it works, you end up parking with just a few seconds to think what to say. There's a perfect explication of why you are driving a car that is not yours in the middle of the night and smelling like a minibar.

Then this ridiculous thought comes to your mind, you look expensive, you've never seen the daughter of a senator but you must be close to it, it would make you less of a feminist if you just use your attributes? Ugh, you feel sick just to think about it but don't have enough money to pay a fine, and the constant paranoia of being chased all the time as an immigrant will only get stronger.

You pull down your dress a little so your neckline can do its job but you regret it immediately, and you're pretty sure you look more like an expensive prostitute who stole the car of his lover than some influential men's daughter.

—License and registration.—You hear him say when he approaches your window. You don't like this but you have to play the dumb tourist, the pretty foreign girl that is too stupid to be dangerous, with the look you have tonight it shouldn't be hard. But damn you hate cops, any uniformed man that works for the government is your eternal enemy, and you don't know how long you could keep the nice dumb Latina game before spit on his face.

—There's something wrong, officer? ...You?!—Your sexy and fake high voice is ruined when you see the face of the man who stopped you. This night couldn't get worse.

—Wait, what happened with the party?—Evan interrupts you while you finish some notes for work, little remainders for later when you don't have an eleven years old kid running around you, he's not usually this energic and you have to blame yourself for that, you're describing a life of excess and eccentric fun, something you let behind so many years ago that your own son doesn't know even a bit of it.

—Ugh, a nightmare doesn't worth telling.—You remember vaguely most of it but what keeps fresh in your mind is bad enough to don't want to bring it back.

—But if Timothée is my dad I have to know the important things, including the bad stuff.—Sounds perfectly reasonable and that's what makes you groan at him. Sometimes you feel blessed that your kid is better than you in any possible way, and sometimes you want to kill his brain with video games and reality shows like the rest of the parents.

—Ok, cool, but I'll keep all the +18 content for myself, so this part of the story might be blurry for you.—It kinda is for you anyway.

You should’ve known this night was cursed, you had a feeling because a) your earring fell off at the same time Timothée texted you to give you the party address and say he can't pick you up. And b) he won’t pick you up. Your mother would say that’s reason enough to not go, a real gentleman wouldn’t make you go to an unknown place in the middle of the night on your own in a city like this. But you decide to ignore it because you are a modern woman and because it’s worth it. It better be.

The outfit must be something special. You always take your time to choose what to wear, even if just another regular day, and since this isn't the case you thought about it for hours, that made your mind busy enough to not thinking about Tom and the whole love confession. He texted you saying he'll come for you to go to class together on Monday, which is completely impractical because he's way closer than you but is progress and you're going to take it.

You wanted to ask for Sheep's opinion but you thought she might not care, has been a few days since she started acting strange like she's bothered just to see you breathe. You want to blame his boyfriend to take all her time and attention from you but is probably just her new job, she got a small role in a Netflix show, and even when you're so happy for her, that's the event that has changed her into someone completely different. But you give her time, stress can do bad things to people.

The winner is the exact copy you made of the black and white striped dress Cameron Diaz wore in "The Mask" beautiful, classy, and sexy enough without being too scandalous, not that you have any problem with that, but this isn't the occasion, you don't want to feel like you're being too much or too little, just enough, it's supposed to be easy, right? you were born for this. Just adding some big shiny earrings you got on a thrift shop that look like real diamonds and you're ready, not that you own any to compare. Red lipstick, dark eyes, and a messy bun to get that disinterested pitch every look needs.

Getting there wasn't a problem, you were in the rich part of the city, everyone know who, where and what just to brag about it. The excitement is growing with every second, you check your makeup like thirty times in the elevator and send texts to your mom just to let her know where you are, and because you have to share that moment with someone and you are limited of friends these days.

Timothée opens the door with red eyes, drunk, high, or somewhere in between, you know then you were right about the bad feeling. He jumps on you to kiss you and no matter how much you try to explain the delicacy of your lipstick, he does it anyway, leaving a taste of alcohol and shrimps in your mouth. Taking you by the waist he walks you to a group of people you don't know while you're trying harder to fix the red color of your mouth without a mirror.

—Here is the companion I bought, look at her, that's how five grand per hour look like.—They laughed but you were too disoriented to process all the things he said, it was supposed to be a joke? if it is, why isn't he correcting? Instead, his hand goes straight to your ass and presses it to get you closer to him.

—I'm actually an intern in the costume designer department of the new version of "Sense and Sensibility".—You wanted to mention your recent promotion to hairstylist and makeup artist but that might be too pretentious. Anyway, they don't seem to care what you are or not, in fact, they don't even see you, all eyes are on Timothée

—Oh, well, is easy to forget when you're paying them—All laughs again. Who is this person? Who are all these people, actually? You recognize some influencers, a few cast members but there's no sign of the director, other main actors, not even his co-star. You feel like an extra in a movie where someone will be killed in a luxury party, hopefully not you. You take his hand from your body and clear your throat.—I'm just joking my love, she looks stunning, isn't she? I’ll get you a drink.

He leaves and the group of people surrounding you suddenly dissipated like boiling water, you were on your own again and despite some judgmental gazes is like you’re not there, you’re sure you could just take your dress off and throw it to someone’s face and unless Tim says something about it, no one would care. You’re there as his companion, an ornament, and that’s not enough to earn their attention because it’s too obvious you’re the one in turn.

You walk to the only window no one is smoking and check your phone, you know, the thing you do when you pretend you have important issues to attend, but no, you end reading some old messages, pictures, texting your mom of how much fun you’re having at the party, and somehow you check your filed Facebook messages to find Logan’s name. You cover the screen so fast you hurt your nail, his name is enough to make you tremble like a Chihuahua, you haven’t talked to him since that night, you know from his sister he lives in the house he bought for you two and he’s having the happiest life without you. You want to believe that because that means you took the right decision but deep inside… no, you can’t be that person, you want him to be happier than ever.

You find the guts to open the message, and you read as slowly as is humanly possible. “My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health…” Dios, just Logan could start a message like that, your smile is almost too big to fit in your face so you bit your nail to cover it a little. “I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you’ll be happy to know…”

—That’s a fucking long-ass message.—Tim appears behind you and takes your phone from your hand, spilling some of his drink on your dress in the process. Apparently, he's been there long enough to read part of the message.

—Give it back.—You command in the most severe voice you have, your magical moment got ruined and you remember the hole of hell you are.

—"My angel, I hope this finds you in perfect health. I recently found one of the human body drawings you made for me to study, you must know I still use them now and then"—Timothée starts reading the message, and even when no one is close enough to hear it and you don’t really care about this people’s opinion, that’s not for anyone to read, that’s one of the few parts of your life you treasure the most and you’re not ready to get over it.—You little slut, are you cheating on me with a med student?

—Give it to me.—You repeat trying to take the phone from his hand but he’s faster and walks away putting it out of your reach.

—"I meticulously preserve them, I certainly know any piece of art made by you will be priceless in the near future"—You don’t want to hear it coming from his drunk mocking voice, so you try to ignore what he’s saying and put more effort on chasing the phone.—Should I had kept the jeans where you left the wet spot on? I didn’t know you were an artist, my love.

—Timothée, por el amor de Dios.—Now you're trying to climb him, it wouldn't be that hard to take him down, he's skinny and you're fierce. That's what you thought but he's not moving even with you are on top of his shoulder and his opposite long arm keeps the phone away from you.

—Who is this guy and why is he talking to my girl like this?—You see the olive eyes getting darker and the tone of his voice went deeper than you thought he could do. You desist from taking the phone, you know the bullies love the attention, maybe that's exactly what he wants and give it to him just makes it worse.

—I'm not your girl.—You claim fixing up your dress having enough of games, and you have no reason to keep worrying about losing your job, the filming is done, and apparently your relationship with him too. You don't care about any of that anymore, just want to read Logan's text.

Even behind all the alcohol and the eyes injected in blood thanks for who knows what kind of drug, you can see the disappointment and anger, but it's not a broken heart, Is the hissy fit of a child that loses his balloon and now everyone will pay for it, especially you.

—Are you sure about that?—You can see him swallow hard, almost looking vulnerable, but his voice is defiant and threatening to prove you wrong. He just has to stretch out his arm to reach the open window with your phone in hand, his intentions are clear and the only thing you can do is raise your hands as a reflex.—You were mine the moment you put a foot on my trailer, and I don't fucking share my stuff.—Before you can say a word he drops the phone from the fourth floor.

You know is senseless but you find yourself running out of the party and going to search the device, using it also as an excuse to get away from that place. This is the first time someone makes you feel meaningless, you know the famous' world is cold and lacking in empathy but this is ridiculous, they're a bunch of parasites fed by attention and power. By Timothée.

The screen is crashed and the rest of it is probably beyond repair, not that you're surprised, its life is longer than you've been in the country and you admit you should have replaced it much earlier but you're not the kind to throw away things that still work. However, is not the phone you are worried about, not as much as what it contains.

—That was obsolete anyway, I'll get you a better one.—You didn't know he was following you, his voice interrupts your self-wailing. He sounds calmer and a little embarrassed, but not enough to say sorry, you don't think he's capable of saying it.

You shake your head and start to walk away without a word, you don't want anything from him, not materially, at least.

—Don't make a scandal out of it, it's just a phone!—He yells erasing any trace of regret in his voice. He doesn't see the reaction he expected and that's when he runs after you and with a hand on your upper arm pulls you back, you gasped for the sudden bluntness.—That annoying habit you have of leaving when I'm talking to you.

You push him away with all the strength you have, which resulted in him almost falling on the ground.

—I don't care about the stupid phone!—You finally break, but sadly is not as satisfactory as you thought it would be.—You are mean, vain, arrogant and the worst part is that you enjoy being this despicable human because you have absolutely no consequences to it. Everyone around you just accepts it and I feel so sorry for you because the only possible way for you to fill the void inside is to be surrounded by that crowd of mules licking your steps—To your surprise, he has nothing to say, he's just standing there with no facial expression, whatever he feels is easily covered by his years of experience acting, even drunk.—I can't give you that and it's obvious they don't want me either. What am I even doing here?—You ask yourself thinking where would be the best way of getting a cab, is a rich zone, must be easy.

—Everything is better when you're around—His voice is thin and fragile, you have to process what he said three times in your head to understand his words. You're not willing to look at him yet.—You're not like the others.

—Pure bullshit. You love to repeat that misogynist discourse of girls being in a certain way because is easier than be responsible for the people you choose to be—You were hugging yourself the whole time, is a cold night, but not enough to be bothersome, you enjoy Fall weather—You got me for a moment, I give you that, you fooled me but I'm too tired of guessing what version of you is real—When you return your gaze at him, he doesn't try to hide the guilt anymore, but there's still haughtiness in there.—Now, if you don't mind Mr. Chalamet, I need to get a cab.

—No, you came with me, you leave with me.—There's no trace of alcohol in his voice anymore, a good scolding is enough to put you sober, you know that thanks to your mom. Oh god, you're becoming her.

—You didn't bring me here, gigantic head—You look at him and put your hand in front of him with the palm up. He stares at it for several seconds before put his own on it—Not that!—You shake it and start looking inside his jeans pockets until you feel the metal of his key car.—You can't drive and I have to get home. You'll find it in the studio tomorrow.

That's how you ended with a car way more luxurious than you expected, driving so slowly and carefully that the police stopped you. What a night, but at this point, you couldn't care less about anything that is not that message, is been months and you can't get over it, over him. Not even Ben moans, Tom's comforting arms, or fight with a movie star at 3:00 am. is enough to get him out of your mind.

—So is true, you don't wear anything that hasn't appeared in a movie, huh?—Michael B. Jordan is leaning on the car window with a mocking smile and a sparkle of satisfaction that you would love to punch but his uniform keeps you in line, where you come from police is not equal to justice, most of the times is oppression.

—You know where it's from?—That was kind of comforting, no one at the party noticed. Not that you care.

—Is The Mask, not some Adam Hitchcock's blurb.—He smiles and even when you really don't like him, it's nice to be with a familiar face, you are really tired of running away, scaping for problems that are a result of your null capacity to deal with emotions. Ugh, what a word.

—Is Alfred Hitchcock, actually.—You didn't want to sound priggish, but you correct him with no time to stop yourself, an old habit.

—You got me, smarty, you know more than movies than me. Where did you get this car?—You feel really nervous even when you got this legally, you have your documents and license on time and he's being nice enough to not want to run away in a car that you technically borrowed for yourself.

—It's not mine.—No shit, Sherlock.

—No shit, Sherlock, I was asking where did you steal it.—You wanted to laugh but there's something with the uniform that just doesn't allow you to be yourself.—Are you drunk?

—No, no, fuck, no, it's just, I don't feel comfortable with cops—He raises his eyebrows but that is his only reaction.—Listen, is my boss' car, I'm doing the favor to take it to the studio, and I'm really nervous because is fucking expensive, he's an asshole, I haven't drive un almost a year because you people only use cars if you're rich or your work and lives depend on it. I'm starving.—The last part came out of nowhere, you haven't eaten anything in almost 13 hours, maybe that's the actual reason why you are that moody.

He doesn't answer right away, takes his time to look at you, what makes you blush, he's really close, closer than he's ever been. Does he smell like green apples? Not the actual apples, the artificial smell they had given to them.

—Get out of the car.—Oh no, is he arresting you? Is he finally taking revenge for every time you make fun of his Hawaiian-type shirts? You know you have too much karma accumulated and a cop making you pay for it when you don’t believe in their sense of justice is kinda poetic, and evil.

You don’t want to discuss with someone with a taser, gun, pepper spray, or who knows what else. So you take your bag, the key car, and get off defeated.

—My turn is almost over, I’ll take you to eat something, c’mon.—He walks back to his patrol and you stay still for a few seconds still processing his words, you must look totally devastated for him to offer that. How you see it you have two options, go with him and spend an awkward hour with a person you don’t like or risk getting a fine, Tim can pay it, it’s not a big deal but you don’t want to owe him even the minimal thing.

You get in the car holding on to your bag to feel calmer, this is the first time you’re fully alone with him since you found him half-naked in your kitchen. Those defined abs may never leave your brain.

—Are you cold?—He interrupts your thoughts with his question, you didn’t notice you were shaking. He looks for something under his seat and gives you an NYPD hoodie, you hold it doubting your next move, is not like you don’t appreciate the gesture but it’d be easier to take if it doesn’t get that words printed—Is clean.—He says chuckling when he sees the way you’re looking at it.

—Is not that, just, you know, fuck the police, defund the NYPD, demilitarize the pigs and that stuff.—You say putting on the hoodie anyway, is a cold night and you won't help the institution wearing their propaganda.

—Yeah, I get it, but you can't change the system just from within.—You decide is not the right moment to have a political conversation so you shrug your shoulders and discreetly smell the hoodie, a mix of cologne, green apples, and cheap soap, you know is cheap because you buy the exact same, do its job.

—I'm in the mood for pizza.—You say casually, making a deal to yourself to try to be his friend, he is a small part of your life anyway.—Domino's is open at this time of the night?

—Tell me you're not consuming that shit, dear Lord, you been here for how long, two years? I can't believe your idea of a good pizza is Domino's. Stella hasn't taught you anything?—You're surprised by the level of condescension with a pizza and you mirror his smile, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Your school program includes people from all around the world so you don't have that much experience with actual new yorkers. Logan is rich, so he doesn't really count.

—What's wrong with Domino's? I don't buy much street food, is cheaper to buy things on the food market. Besides, all pizza is good.—The mention of Sheep makes you a little tense, so you don't say anything about it, is not a conversation to have with him.

—Don't blaspheme in the patrol, I just washed it—You laugh, finally, after a terrible weekend. You can see why she likes him, there is something about his voice, smile, and his eyes that feel... calm, like watching Friends after a marathon of Lord of the Rings.—There are rules to survive this city, and I'm surprised you have made it this far without a proper guide.

—Chill out Mr. Miyagi, I'm not from the jungle, and I've learned a lot by myself.—He gives you a lopsided grin as a request, and you put your fingers up ready to enlist your acquired knowledge.—Walk fast, like you're about to be stabbed, something that actually happened to me, with an umbrella—He nods and laughs being related to it.—Number two, no small talk, no one cares, even if they ask. Number three, if you look a stranger in the eye, especially a homeless person, you have essentially invited them to approach you.

—Number four, we never eat from Domino's, Papa John's, Pizza hut, or any other chain restaurant, only trucks and local places are allowed.—You roll your eyes but you get the point, is just, again, you're not much into street food, it doesn't taste like home and the only way to eat food like that is preparing it yourself.

—Fine, fuck capitalism, let's support local places—You make an obvious fake enthusiastic tone but he nods proudly.—Number five, you don't need a car to live here, not even know how to drive. I would have successfully avoided this police brutality if I had followed that rule.

—For someone who is about to eat for free, you whine too much.—He parks the car and gives you a sign to go with him. You see him go to a pizza truck and order, you realize at the moment how ridiculous you look, so before chasing him you let your hair down, take your huge earrings off, and roll up the skirt of your dress until your mid-thighs letting the hoodie cover the rest, and clean the red lipstick with a Kleenex from your bag. Now you look more like a college person and not a rich girl who just got seized.

—Here you go.—He says giving you a slice as big as your head, looks oily and spreading cheese everywhere. Perfect.

—Is it vegan?—You ask receiving the food with an obnoxious face. His kind grind turned into a dread expression and you give him your second laugh of the day.—I'm kidding.

You are about to give it a bite when you see passing next to you a huge rat with the exact same slice as yours in its mouth, running into the dark of the night happy to have obtained the food for its family. They use to scare you when you just moved out but now they're like any other pigeon in the sky.

—Rule... whatever, a rat with a slice of pizza is a symbol for good luck, congratulations.—He pets your head awkwardly, not sure if you're ok with the physical contact, which, surprisingly, you are.

—I see rats with bagels all the time.—Pizza and bagels, that's the main culinary wonders of the city, you like it, not much to object but is hard not to compare it with your home's food.

—Is easy to confuse a rough diamond with a simple rock.—You both eat in silence, enjoying the mixed sounds of the city and all the different smells, the whole situation feels like one of those lofi music videos. You remember thinking about moments like this before getting the scholarship, what would it be like to feel normal in the city of your dreams.

—How do you know that much about movies?—He asks after a few minutes when you take a break to drink something, that pizza is not easy to take.

—When I was a kid a spent much time on my own, so my dad bought me a used DVD reproducer, and at the corner of my neighborhood was this movie store where you could buy 5 pirate movies for one dollar. They were blurred, with a terrible sound, and most of the time with the wrong movie inside but they helped me to not feel lonely. Eventually, the store closed but I've watched everything in it by then—He gives you a warm smile, you never told that story to anyone, not because is too intimate to share, but because no one asked, it doesn't sound like a question with a complex answer.—Anyway, I watched Marie Antoinette when I was like eight, and I decided at that moment that however is done I wanted to be part of that magic.

—You hear all kind of people chasing dreams in this city but is hard to find someone who actually deserves it.—You blush and you cover it with your hair but the smile on your voice is impossible to hide.

—Is that a compliment? You must really want me to like you to date Sheep.—You laugh but you can see his face tense, so you can guess your friend has been busy breaking everyone’s hearts.

—She hasn’t returned my calls in three days so I don’t think there’s much you can do—You nod, all this time you thought he was the reason she is ignoring you but apparently you are both in the same boat.—But yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking, what I should have said is, Marie Antoinette at eight? I can see where all the damage started.

You gasp and throw your napkin at his head, he easily catches it without even looking at it and laughs; that was unexpectedly attractive.

—Why a cop?—You ask, not sure where that question came from, maybe you authentically want to know more about him, he just bought you food, and honestly, that's the easiest way to win your trust.

—I wanted to be an actor when I was a child. This is the city of opportunities so you may think that if you want to chase the big wonder, this is the perfect place to do it. But I grow up surrounded by these people giving their entire lives to get something just given to one in a million so I decided is not worth it. For many years I wondered what I wanted to do with my life and the answer was really clear, my dad was a cop, a good one, or that’s what people say. I don’t remember much because he died when I was seven—Conversations about death are not your strength, everything can turn out uncomfortable if you choose the wrong words.—It might not be that glamorous but if my father died for it, it surely worth it.

—For the good ones.—You raise your almost empty can of Coke and he does the same with a grin that warms the cold weather of the night.

—For the good ones.

The next two hours passed like minutes talking about anything and everything. It just felt right to talk freely with him, you didn’t feel judged for your awkward family moments or your random thoughts, not even once because he told you his too. At some point of the night he borrowed you his gym sweatpants, any of you could just suggest going home but that was off the table, end that peace just for weather reasons would have been a tragedy.

—I read Timothée Chalamet is a dick. Is that true?—The mention of his name remains you of your life and everything that comes with it, including the middle semester project that you must dedicate your entire day, one that is about to start.—What, you can’t talk about it?

—He is a complete dick with no sense of privacy or human decency—And when he interrupts a deep kiss to look at your eyes, smile, and caress your chin, you feel like a character of his Victorian movies. But he didn’t ask that.—But the next week he’ll be no longer my problem.

—That’s why we have rule twenty-three, don’t ask for a picture of a celebrity unless they are local—You have heard about it before but you haven’t got the opportunity to decide if you like that rule because the only celebrities you have seen are from work and that club’s party opening.—That means you’ll be free to go to the Stephen Kings’ movie projection there will be for Halloween.

You don’t know if that was a proposition, a suggestion, or just a simple recommendation, and whatever it is, you noticed he was nervous to ask. Is it wrong? It feels wrong like you were betraying your friend accepting to hang out with his boyfriend without her consent. But he didn’t ask you to go with him so is safe to answer.

—Yeah, I guess—You get a moment, four seconds top, where you shared innocent, curious, and tenting gazes like three graders in the playground. And that’s the further you will allow yourself to go.—We better leave, if the sunlight touch me I’ll turn into dust.

You get off the car hood and go to the side door, but this time he opens it for you. You give him a “seriously?” Look, receiving a little push in your arm as a response.

↬☀︎︎

A distant voice asks you to wake up, softly whispers that turn into caresses on your cheek, your eyes feel so heavy, even when you are well aware of your environment your eyelids keep closed.

—Good morning, Princess—This is the first time Tom calls you that way, the change from silly nicknames to Princess is enough to get you out of hibernation. He is squatting beside your bed, his smile is the promise of a better day, and chasing that idea you give him one small back.—Your mom has been texting me desperately all day, she said you're not answering her calls and is worried.

—Fuck, my phone broke last night, can I call her from yours?—That’s an oversimplification but in the search for a better story, that's what you decide to believe and tell. Tom nods and gives it to you, he looks happy, beyond that, this is the first time you see that subtle blush on his cheeks and the eyes sparkling. You sit on the bed next to his body looking for your mom's number, slowly he moves between your legs, you have shorts and an oversized Back To The Future t-shirt, you got took the time to prepare yourself to bed last night and keep Michael’s clothes inside your closet to wash them, like The Tell-Tale Heart, a little innocent secret who feels dirty somehow

The conversations with your mom are always long, nostalgic and the tears are hard to hold for both parts; after a long life sharing almost every day with her, her absence never feels smaller. But this time is different, Tom is exploring the bare skin under your knee with his warm hands, asking for permission with curious eyes, and when you don’t object to the touch the British boy keeps his exploring mission cautiously, giving special attention to see your eyes in case something change. Is time to hang up when he gives a long and loving kiss to your knee, the less erotic kiss you could think of but so intimate to bristle your skin.

—Not nice to touch someone's daughter when is talking to her mom.—The protest of your voice loses strength at every word, he heard that and just straight his back to reach your face, the gap is almost extinct.

—We're okay, she likes me.—He assures holding your hips and pulling you a bit to him. Tom looks very comfortable with the new closeness authorization, you like it but are not very sure about it yet, most of you still think of him as your best friend.

—Did she tell you that? Are you talking with my mom behind my back?—You laugh when he does, almost like nothing changed.

—She adores me, I swear, I'm invited to Christmas, you know?—You're not surprised, she invites everyone, Logan was too but the first time he got family plans and didn't make it to the second.

—You should go, maybe we can do...—His lips touch yours in a peak at the middle phrase and makes you forget what you were about to say.—Man, the audacity to interrupt...—Then he kisses you again, deeply, using his tongue to taste your inner lip and his hands holding your shirt in fists. That's a twist of events.

—Is that ok?—You hear a weak whisper coming out of his voice but you got so mesmerized on his lips that decided to ignore it and kiss him back instead. He responds to your touch and starts to lean over you to make you lay on the bed.

Jesucristo bendito, is this happening? like, actually happening? you must look like trash, you barely took all the makeup from the night before and didn't take a shower, you start to get so worried about smells, feelings, and what that'll mean to your already too much-spoiled friendship.

However, the time of doubts is done when Sheep starts yelling in the living room, you both reacted running to the sound and looking for your blonde friend. Michael is there but doesn't look like the same as a few hours ago, is annoyed and tired for the lack of sleep, a look that doesn't match him at all.—What did you do?—You ask him fast assuming she's mad for something he did.

—Just in time, the star of the movie, I was wondering how much it will take you to be the protagonist of this.—That is Sheep's voice talking about you and what must be your heart breaking from her words.

—Excuse me?—You wish your tone would be less savage but you can't help respond the same way she did.

—Logan wasn't enough, then you got the drummer, fucking Timothée Chalamet, Tom and now my boyfriend. I'm so glad I didn't leave you alone with my dad or I'd be calling you mom now.—You have no words to that, Michael doesn't even dare to look at you, he must have told her something she misunderstood, but Sheep, or well, Stella is saying things she actually thinks and keep to herself. Tom walks in front of you whispering things to her to calm her down but she is not looking at him, you didn't tell her anything about Tom either so he's taking responsibility this time.—Go ahead and fuck the whole city, Michael if that please you but you're crossing the line with Tom and you know that, you're going to ruin him as you ruin every man that enters in your life.—She has a very you moment having the last word of the dispute and getting out of the apartment with Michael going after her but not putting much effort in it.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Taglist:

@eridanuswave @cjand10 @deluxeplanteater @rorodendra @navs-bhat @coxxxxxpi @leviosatothestars

Thanks for all the love and support, if you have opinions, suggestions, or want to be part of the tag list (Or don’t want to be part anymore) let me know, I appreciate every message.

#ben hardy imagine #michael b jordan fc #tom holland x reader #timothee chalamet fanfiction #pedro pascal #logan lerman fc #definitely maybe #fluff #angst #timothee chalamet #Tom Holland #Ben Hardy

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frostedfaves · 4 years ago

Text

I Don’t Feel Alive (4)

Masterlist

Pairings: Jake Peralta x sister!reader (platonic), Rosa Diaz x fem!reader (romantic), Jake Peralta x Amy Santiago (also romantic)

Summary: Jake shows up for your big moment and you’re there to comfort him for his.

Warnings: drug mentions and use, anxious reader, a bit of angst

A/N: so sorry for the wait on this part, but I hope it was worth it! I did a time jump because I needed to move forward a bit, not only for the sake of the addiction part of the storyline, but also because I need to introduce Rosa and Amy soon. anyway, lemme know what you think!!

Previous part

To say you were nervous was an understatement. You were about to host your very first art show featuring your own paintings, something that you’d wanted for a long time, but you didn’t expect it to feel this overwhelming when you finally got it.

“Hey, there’s my celebrity sister!”

You turned away from the mirror at the sound of the familiar voice, a relieved smile falling onto your features at the sight of Jake coming toward you.

“You came,” you breathed out as his arms enveloped your frame.

“Of course! I’d never miss this.” He pulled away from the hug and grabbed your hands with a grin. “So how does it feel?”

“Oh, it’s the worst! My head is spinning, and I can’t feel my feet anymore. Not to mention the heavy weight on my chest reminding me that this is all I’ve ever wanted since I realized that art is the one thing in my life that consistently made me happy and if I mess this up I could ruin my chances at a career--”

“Okay, okay.” His thumbs lightly rubbed across the back of your now shaking hands. “Before we go out there, why don’t we just take a moment to breathe?”

You nodded in acceptance of the idea, and he led you through a few cycles of inhaling and exhaling. By the sixth cycle your mind felt a bit quieter, and the knots in your stomach seemed to loosen.

“Feeling better?”

“Much better, thank you.” You leaned forward to sink into his hold again, smiling when his hands began to rub your back.

“You’re not going to mess anything up, by the way. You’ve already impressed so many people with your art, and when they realize how awesome of a person you are, they’re going to love you even more!”

“I hope you’re right, Pineapples.” A heavy sigh escaped you. “God, I wish Grandma was here to see this. How’s living at her apartment, by the way?”

“Weird, but it feels right at home at the same time. You’re welcome to visit anytime, you know, when you get a break from being a famous artist,” he teased you and you laughed, poking him a bit.

“Whatever. I guess I should stop by one day. And now that I can legally drink, I can visit that bar you like so much and meet your detective friends.”

“Oh yeah!” He pulled away quickly and you met his eyes that somehow seemed even brighter than before. “You have to meet my friend from the academy! She’s super scary at first and she doesn’t talk about her life so everything I know about her is purely based on observation but she’s great!”

“Sounds like someone I might like to know,” you told him with a chuckle. “Is she the detective that just transferred?”

“No, that’s Amy.”

“In love with her already, huh?”

“Wh-what?! Don’t be ridiculous. Yeah she’s intelligent, gorgeous, and an insanely great detective but it just wouldn’t work. We’re too different.”

Before you could tease him further about his instant “heart eyes”, an announcement came over the PA system that reminded you the art show was starting soon. You suddenly wished you could fast forward through the night, which Jake instantly picked up on and offered you a reassuring smile.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Little Carrot. I’m willing to bet all of my money on it!”

“You’re in crushing debt. That doesn’t make me feel better.”

“Damn, you’re right. Well, see you soon!” He dropped a big and obnoxious kiss on your forehead before scurrying out of the room.

“For a first timer, this was incredibly successful, Y/N!”

“Thanks, Ken!” You smiled gratefully at the guy who helped you pull everything together as he approached you. “I can’t believe how many pieces I sold tonight!”

“I can believe it. You’re talented, and the world is finally getting to see it. Speaking of the world…” He grabbed your shoulders and turned you until your line of vision focused on a man on the phone in one of the doorways. “That well-dressed and extremely successful guy wants to hire you for a project and I would recommend accepting because he has connections to help you with your Paris goal.”

Your eyes widened at this, and you turned back to Ken. “Wait, seriously?! What are we waiting for?! Let’s go over there!”

After finding out the details of the project and gratefully accepting the job, you made your way to the back room to make sure you weren’t leaving anything important behind, briefly remembering your spiraling moment and feeling thankful that you were able to move past it. You were just about to turn off the lights and leave when the door opened and Erica entered.

“Congrats on tonight, N/N! I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, E.” You hugged her with a wide smile. “Have you been here the whole time?”

“Yeah. I would’ve approached you earlier but you were either talking to buyers or with your mom and detective brother, and I didn’t want to get too close with this.” She pulled out a little baggie holding a joint, bringing it into your line of vision. “Wanna celebrate properly?”

“Damn, I wish I’d had that earlier. But yeah, just give me a second to text Jake and then I’ll be ready.”

She left the room as you pulled out your phone, sighing when you saw Jake’s text wondering if you were coming down to Shaw’s. After wrestling with your conscience a bit, you ultimately decided to stick with your original plan. Today was super successful but incredibly draining, and you needed to wind down properly.

I’m pretty tired so I’m going to head home but maybe we can meet tomorrow so I can tell you about my new job! Thanks for coming tonight and I love you.

It was just a regular night for you, sitting in your apartment and painting whatever came to mind while music played softly in the background. You were so lost in your atmosphere that if your phone had been on vibrate, you wouldn’t have noticed the text from Jake come in.

need you to come to the precinct asap

You were on your feet in no time, sliding on shoes and grabbing a hoodie on your way out the door, pulling your arms into it and zipping it as you waited for your cab. Within minutes you were arriving at the 99th precinct, getting out of the car and approaching the building as Jake walked away from a brunette woman while holding a box.

“Thanks for coming,” he greeted you while placing the box on the ground to hug you, pulling away to start typing something on his phone. “I just got fired and I really needed to see you.” He turned his phone to you and you read the screen.

its part of a plan for me to go undercover in the mafia for the fbi. could be gone for six months.

Tears instantly filled your eyes as you took in the message. Jake always made being a detective sound so fun that you forgot there were real dangers tied to his line of work. He’d be working among people that could kill him quickly or torture him slowly with one wrong move, and the thought made you feel sick. Not wanting to worry him further, you grabbed his phone and typed a response.

please be careful.

You hugged him after he read the words, both of you holding each other tightly as if you thought the world would collapse when you let go. You were quick to wipe away any escaped tears, smiling at him when you pulled away and gripping his hands in the same way he does to calm you down.

“I know it seems like it now, but this isn’t the end. You’re going to find something that makes you happy, and be just as good at that.”

“I hope so.” He squeezed your hands before pulling away to pick up the box again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop this off at home and go drink away the sadness!”

He left you with one of his signature goofy grins, and you worked hard to burn the image into your memory, hoping it’ll last until you see it again six months later. Before you could decide what to do with yourself, your phone rang and you sat on the nearest bench as you answered.

“Y/N, hi! You don’t know me yet but I’m hoping we can change that soon! Tony Palmer here, and I saw your work on the HST project. Just wondering if you would be interested in spending a few months in Paris?”

“Absolutely I am,” you managed to answer, once the shock wore off a bit.

“Awesome! We can talk more about it in my office tomorrow.”

You saved his information in your phone, immediately heading over to your text thread with Erica when the call ended because you were curious about whether she knew any dealers in France. You weren’t sure you could handle being sober while worrying about Jake and living alone six time zones away for half a year.

Tags: @beeblisss @marie-03 @gaulty74 @xetherealbeautyx @makapaka11 @rosadiazswifey @ochrythum @halfofwhatisayismeaningless @hip-hopphile

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lustinglilac · 4 years ago

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Hi can I get a Sad Eyes x reader with numbers #15 & #46 from the prompt list where the reader is Oscars ‘little’ sister and she’s going through something (maybe MH issues?) and her liking Sad Eyes isn’t helping her and Sad Eyes is worried about her. Thank youuu lovely🥰🤎

The only MH issue that I would feel comfortable writing about is anxiety so I hope you don’t mind! I got a little carried away with this. *ALL credit for the name José goes to other writers*

Part 2 to this request!

TW: anxiety, panic attack

15. “Stop pretending you’re okay, cause I know you’re not.”

46. “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids.”

GIF BY: @merakiaes 🖤

It had been a few days after the incident and her confessing her love for her brother’s best friend.

She cringed every single time she thought about it, wanting to go back and delete the message as if it never happened.

But she found solace in the fact that he’d admitted some type of feeling back to her.

“Jasmine— I feel terrible. What if he was just saying that to say it? To not hurt my feelings?” The doubt settling in rather quickly as she spoke to one of her good friends.

Jasmine sighs, “Babe, for as long as we’ve known him, he would never do that to you. Ever. And if he does, I’ll beat his ass up, honey.”

“I don’t know how to feel. I just need some time.” She nods her head, convincing herself that that’s all she needed, time away from him.

•••

As if on cue, Sad Eyes had shown up to the house to drop something off for her brother. She didn’t bother to leave her room to greet him and he noticed. Usually, she’d be the first to smile and hug him when she’d see him.

The shuffling outside of her doorway caught her attention for a second, hoping no one was going to come in, “Cesar— how’s your sister doin’?” José asks hushedly.

“She’s good. Just wasn’t feeling well today so she might be sleeping.” Cesar answers.

“It’s 6 o’clock... she never goes to sleep this early.” He thinks back to the times she’d stay up waiting for Spooky to come home after a late night meeting.

“Yeah, early night, I guess.” Cesar merely shrugs, trying to take attention away from the situation. “C’mon, let’s go see what Oscar’s doing.”

With that, the two of them leave. José’s first instinct being to burst through her bedroom door and give her a hug, like she’d given him so many times before. But, he composed himself, hoping she’d feel better tomorrow.

That night, he’d texted her wanting to make sure she was okay.

José Guzman: Hey. I stopped by.. Cesar told me you weren’t feeling well. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. Goodnight.

Her screen lit up with his name, her eyes welling up with tears as she read the message. She sniffles back a sob, locking her phone and putting it under her pillow, a stray tear streaming down her face.

The next day, she’d woken up with puffy eyes, getting out of bed slowly as not to disturb the pounding in her head. She brushed her teeth and did her hair, putting on clothes and walking out of her room into the kitchen where her brothers were.

“Good morning. You feeling okay?” Cesar was the first at her side offering her a bowl of cereal, to which she hesitantly took.

Oscar looks up from his phone, “What happened? Everythin’ okay, hermana?” His dark eyes concerned as he looked at his younger sister.

She nods slowly, trying not to cry again, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m okay.” She swallows down the lump in her throat, refusing to look at her brothers until she didn’t feel the urge to cry.

Anxiety was a bitch. Always had been. Not allowing her to fend for herself and especially making her think she wasn’t capable of anyone loving her.

José made it a promise, even though she hadn’t known, that he’d always be there for her just like Oscar and Cesar were. She was his to protect.

“¿Estas segura?” Oscar puts his phone down, putting his full attention on his sister.

“Si, estoy bién.” She grins softly, avoiding eye contact with him all together. He takes her soft hand in his, squeezing it gently, as if to let her know he was there for her. He’d always be.

“I’m gonna get going, Ruby’s waiting for me. I’ll see you later, text me if you need me, okay?” Cesar kisses the top of her head, grabbing his bookbag and walking out the door.

Oscar waits until the door shuts to talk to her, “If it’s your anxiety again— I want you to know you’re better than it. You can overcome it. Don’t let it bring you down, don’t ever lose yourself to it. You are stronger than it. ¿Comprendes?”

She only nods, afraid that if she speaks up, her emotions would get the best of her. She finishes up her breakfast, putting the bowl in the sink.

“Here— I got it. Why don’t you go rest for a little. It’s early.” Oscar points his chin in the direction of her bedroom, egging her towards it.

She walks to her room, taking him up on his offer, removing her slippers at her bedside and cozying up to her duvet. The message from the night before flashing in her mind. Maybe she’d find the courage to text him after her nap.

•••

She had woken up around 1 o’clock in the afternoon, feeling slightly better than in the morning. Checking her phone, she had messages from Jasmine and a missed call from Cesar. She quickly responded to both and opened the one message she had yet to reply to.

Diaz: Sorry I fell asleep early. I’m okay just had a bad headache.

Locking her phone, she got up to use the restroom. “Oscar? Cesar?” She called out around the hall, hesitating when she didn’t hear a response.

The sound of a door opening and shutting caught her attention as she shut off the tap, walking out of the bathroom. She jumps slightly at the sound of footsteps, turning around to see his tall figure standing there.

“My bad, I ain’t mean to scare you.” José puts his hand up, “I came by to see how you were feelin’. Cesar said you were home.” He clears his throat, looking over his shoulder and back to her trying to gage her reaction.

She shakes her head, “You didn’t have to. I told you I’m good.” She smiles though it didn’t quite reach her eyes, something he definitely didn’t miss.

“Stop pretending you’re okay. ‘Cause I know you’re not.” The words leave his mouth before he can stop himself, reaching for her shaking hand. He hated seeing her like this.

The middle Diaz lets out a shaky breath, finally finding the courage to look at him, “José, I just don’t— I’m scared you’re gonna lead me on. And I don’t want that, I really don’t. About the other night, I didn’t want you to say you liked me back just because I said it to you.”

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “You know that I love you, right? That I’ll always be there for you? I made a promise to your brothers that I would protect them but, also, that I would protect you in case anything ever happened. And I intend to keep that promise ‘til the end.” He punctuates his sentence with a kiss to the back of her hand.

“José—“ She stops, the room around her spinning, “I-I think I’m about to have a panic attack.” Clutching onto his shirt, her breathing picking up.

“Hey, hey, look you’re okay. I gotchu. I’m right here.” He holds her close, rubbing comforting circles onto her back.

“I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to see me like this.” She sniffles, her voice coming out small against his chest. She felt as if the world was coming down around her and her heart was about to come out of her chest.

“See you like what, nena? I will love you at your worst and I will love you at your best. Lo prometo.” He kisses the top of her head, pressing his cheek to her forehead. “C’mon, let’s go to your room. Te ayudare, I’ll help you.”

The both of them walk slowly to her bedroom. He sits her down on the bed, helping her under the duvet as he situates himself so she’s still able to see him.

“My heart’s racing— I c-can’t calm down.” She closes her eyes, trying to focus on her breathing yet nothing was helping. She takes his palm and places it on her ribcage, holding it there firmly.

José sighs softly, smoothing down her hair, “You’re okay, mi amor. I’m right here, I’m not goin’ nowhere.”

“José— you need to hold me. It’s the only thing that helps.” She speaks breathlessly, scooting over on her tiny bed to give him room to fit. She knew it helped her because of the many times she’d ask Cesar to sleep with her on nights where her anxiety flared up more than usual. The presence of someone she loved near her would put her more at peace.

He lays behind her, one arm tucked into the crook of her elbow while the other rested on top of her head, soft caresses making her feel more at ease.

“Better?” He hums softly, feeling her breathing slowing down as she held his hand tightly.

She nods her head, “Yeah— just stay here for a minute. I’ll be okay.”

“I know you will.” He presses his lips to the back of her head, “What if I told you I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. Would you believe me then?” He asks even though he can’t see her face.

She opens her eyes slowly, turning her head to the side to look at him, “Really?”

“Sí, es verdad.” He assures her, the beating of her heart picking up under his palm again. He was worried he was gonna put her through another panic attack but she seemed better than a few minutes ago. More calm.

“I never knew. I just thought Oscar had scared you into never talking to me for longer than 5 minutes because he didn’t want anything happening between us.” She thinks back to all the times where José would simply drop her off at their home and leave, not a word more. And when he did have a conversation with her, Oscar was always there spectating.

“Well that too. Shit, if he were to see us now, I’d have my ass handed to me, mami.” José chuckles as she laugh softly along with him, the sound like a melody to his ears.

She leans up on her elbows looking down at him, “I feel better now. Thank you— for this.” Her eyes glimmering with what could only be described as love for her protector.

“Don’t mention it.” He leans up to kiss her shoulder, “I gotchu forever, nena.”

#sad eyes drabble #sad eyes imagine #sad eyes #steve villegas #oscar diaz #oscar spooky diaz #cesar diaz #on my block imagine #on my block #Lilac Prompt Event #trigger warning

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fireladybuckley · 4 years ago

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911 Verse this or that

Indirectly tagged by @perfectlynervousbeard <3

Buck or TK. Look I adore TK, Ronen is seriously one of the cutest guys I’ve ever seen and TK is adorable and easily my favourite LS character. But it’s not even close when comparing him to Buck, Buck is my comfort character, my absolute favourite of just about anything, ever. I adore Oliver and there’s not a single person you could compare to Buck that I would pick over him, lol.

Eddie or Carlos.

Again, I really do like Carlos. I firmly believe Carlos (Rafa) doesn’t get enough screen time and his character development suffers because of it and I hate that. But again, I love Eddie just SO much. Comparing him and Carlos isn’t fair because they’re very different and Eddie’s storyline and character in general are SO much more developed, I feel like we’ve gotten to know him so much better and that just makes me love him more, I’m more attached. Plus Eddie’s relationship with Christopher alone is just so precious and I love it so much.

Bobby or Owen.

Easiest question ever. Bobby is amazing and the best dad and Owen sucks.

Chimney or Judd Not that I hate Chimney or anything (he gets on my nerves sometimes but overall he’s fine) but Judd is just wonderful. I love his whole southern gentleman vibe while also being a bit of a mischievous little shit which makes me laugh. And the way he loves and respects his wife is just so refreshing to see. <3

Hen or Marjan I wonder if this is kind of like how I feel about Carlos; I really like both Carlos and Marjan, but I feel like I barely know them. Marjan is badass and awesome and everything but aside from her arranged marriage stuff, I feel like we barely know anything about her. Whereas with Hen, I feel like we know her so well she could just be my best friend and it would be amazing. She’s smart, compassionate, hilarious and just awesome and I adore her. I also love her relationship with Karen and Denny and now Nia. If they take Nia away I’m going to riot

Maddie or Grace. This one was tougher, and REALLY close. I really love Grace, she’s amazing and badass and I love her and Judd’s relationship. I just like Maddie slightly more. I love how much Maddie has overcome and how strong she is, how she took care of Buck their whole lives (which was NOT fair to her), and I love their sibling dynamic. I love her relationships with the other 9-1-1 operators.

I will say though that they are both BADASS 9-1-1 operators and they are both queens.

Athena or Tommy Tommy’s fine but she’s very new and I feel like I don’t know her at all (though I love Gina Torres). Not that that matters, however; Athena is QUEEN and no matter how awesome Tommy could be, she would never surpass Athena. Athena is just so amazing and I love her so much. She is compassionate, badass, hard working, hilarious, terrifying when mad but at the same time so gentle and kind. Her and Bobby are amazing together (especially earlier in their relationship), she’s such a good mom to Harry and May (and by extension Buck, and maybe even Eddie). She’s just amazing, ok.

Albert or Mateo I’ll be honest, I was going to choose Albert because I find him adorable and funny and I wish we knew more about him. But this time it’s the opposite problem of the others... I feel like we barely know Albert, even though he’s been around for a while now. The 9-1-1 writers have done a terrible job giving him meaningful backstory imo. Like he’s been in LA for how long now? Does he even have a job? Is he still speaking to his parents? We know barely anything about him besides that he’s Buck’s roommate and he has been on some dates.

Mateo on the other hand is much more flushed out. I loved the story arc where he is just SO dedicated and driven to become a firefighter despite his dyslexia and I’m so glad it was made possible for him to have allowances for the test. I love that his crew doesn’t mock him for it or treat him like he’s stupid, they ALL help him as much as they can, and I LOVE when Marjan goes and gives the tattoo parlour who intentionally fucked up his tattoo a reaming. He’s an earnest, eager younger brother who just wants to help and prove himself and I think he’s adorable.

Michael or Paul. I like Michael, but I like Paul a bit more. I just wish they would give him more screen time and a storyline that doesn’t involve people being transphobic. I’m sorry (not sorry) but the sister storyline thing still pisses me off

118 or 126. The 118, no question. They feel far more cohesive as a team and I love their relationships more, both with each other and with other people. The 118 feels so much more real than the 126, and I’ve no doubt it’s because of LS’s continued sidelining of its characters that are not Owen (and, I’ll admit, TK. I love that he gets a lot of screen time, but not if it comes at the expense of Marjan/Paul/Mateo being shunted to the side).

Maybe the 126 will get better with time. I’m certainly hoping that with TK in his new role, maybe they’ll bring in another firefighter to replace him (hopefully a woman! Both shows definitely lack women in the fire-fighting department imo - but the OG is definitely worse; only Hen in 9-1-1, and only Marjan in 9-1-1 LS but at least LS has Tommy and Nancy as medics. the 118 needs another featured woman firefighter!!)

California or Texas. I don’t know if it’s the filming choices or if Texas is just like that (having never been there, I have no idea), but Texas doesn’t seem nearly as nice as California. That could just be my personal preference; I love lush greenery far more than the more desert-y types of things, and I love the ocean so much. I feel like LA has prettier settings, and LS is more gritty. Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all, I just prefer pretty haha.

Buddie or Tarlos I feel like this is a bit of an unfair question, since it’s still up in the air whether Buddie even exists in canon, and Tarlos is unquestionably real.

But of course, if I’m forced to choose, it’s Buddie. And that’s not to say Tarlos isn’t amazing, because it is... I adore BOTH ships so much. I’m just too drawn into Buddie, and how their personalities compliment each other, and Buck’s special relationship with Chris that places him firmly into the Diaz family unit, Buddie or not. I really do feel like they’ve set them up 100% as a potential romance and as far as slow burns go, it’s amazing so far. Plus, even if they don’t become a couple, I am still so invested in them as best friends.

That being said, Tarlos is fucking adorable and I live for their scenes on LS <3

Tsunami episode(s) or Tornado episode. There was just SO MUCH going on with the tsunami. Of course the entire plot arc with Buck and Christopher is amazing and easily one of my favourites in the entire series, but I also loved that the tsunami episodes showed EVERYONE in their element, doing everything they could to help people. I love that it brought Lena into the mix (I know the fandom is divided on her but I love her unashamedly). The amazing scenes with Athena and May, the scenes with Maddie and that girl with the drone... it was just SUCH A GOOD ARC and I love it. The fact that I can remember SO much about it and I barely remember what happened with the tornado tells me just how much more I enjoyed it, as well.

911 or 911 Lone Star. Unquestionably 9-1-1. I feel like the firefam has become part of my own extended family and I just don’t feel that with LS. Maybe after a couple more seasons it’ll be more like that, but for now, 9-1-1 is EASILY my favourite. I do love LS too, though. I just wish there was less of Owen and more of everyone else. AND I WANT MORE CROSSOVERS!!!

I have no idea who has been tagged so I’m just going to pick a few random people. If you’re reading this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged by me! (And tag me back so I can read yours! <3) @firemedicdiaz @that-firehouse @bicepsie @tulipsfrom-medusa @evaneddie @kittycat-cas @bvckleydiaz @ashavahishta @matan4il And anyone else!!

#911 #9-1-1 lone star #this or that #make me choose #this was fun #and it's become very obvious that Lone Star criminally under uses most of its characters #FIX THAT LS #lksjdflkjsd

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winters-blue-children · 5 years ago

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Games and Theory (A 10k Evan Buckley disaster fic featuring jealous Eddie, phone sex, a fake relationship, and Albert being a genius)

Eddie's not looking for serious. He just wants casual, easy, and uncomplicated.

Buck has been in love with his best friend for two years. Does he take his sister's advice and confess his feelings? Nah, Evan Buckley always has to do things the hard way.

At some point, Buck and Albert became pretty good friends. Maybe it’s the shared older siblings mackin’ on each other, or the having horrible parents thing, but it turns out they get along really well. A little too well, as Chimney often likes to complain about. He calls it a Buckley-Han recipe for disaster.

Wanna meet up for pool later tonight?

Can’t. It’s movie night with Eddie and Chris.

The blinking ellipses begin immediately after his last text is sent. Buck rolls his eyes in anticipation. He knows exactly what Albert is going to say.

Have fun with your looover.

Fuck off. He’s not my lover.

But you want him to be ;-)

Buck scowls at his phone before turning the screen off. His loud, frustrated groan echoes throughout his empty apartment. Damn high ceilings. While it’s nice to have someone to complain about being completely head over heels for his best friend, it also sucks to be reminded constantly that his love life is hopeless and helpless and, in Chim’s words… embarrassingly tragic.

“Movie night,” Buck mutters to himself, mentally preparing for an evening of kid-friendly movies, lots of popcorn, and being in painfully close proximity to the man he’s desperately in love with. “Completely platonic movie night.”

…

In between their last film and Chris’s bedtime, which the kid managed to convince his dad to push back—“But it’s not a school night, Dad!” And like most people who have met Christopher Diaz, Eddie has trouble saying no to his kid too—Buck finds himself seated on the living room floor, a jumbo Lego set spilled all around him. He spends the next thirty minutes sticking pieces together with his best friend’s son.

“What is that?” Chris asks, tilting his head in confusion at the multi-colored lump in Buck’s hands. It’s all sharp angles and weird shapes.

“I’m not sure, bud. I made it to match yours.”

Chris laughs loudly, head thrown back as he giggles. And Buck laughs too, open and free and so genuinely happy.

Several feet away from them, Eddie watches quietly, a soft smile on his face.

…

Eddie’s not much of a talkative guy, at least not compared to Buck. When they’re together though, Buck brings him out of his shell, and Eddie makes sure to keep Buck grounded. Chim and Hen joke that they ‘complete’ each other. Whatever that means.

The point is that Eddie has a shy side. And considering he’s about twelve years out of the dating game, he needs his best friend to help him out.

“I thought you said you needed a wingman?”

Eddie stubbornly looks up and glares at Buck. He’s nursing his third beer, which he’d been staring at with what Buck had described as ‘crazy eyes’. And he’s adamantly refused to look anywhere around the bar that they’re currently in.

Buck leans closer over their small table. “We’ve been here for an hour and you haven’t even made eye contact with anyone. What are you doing?”

“Look, I haven’t done this in a very long time, okay?!” Eddie hissed. “I was with Shannon for two years before I enlisted. Two tours later, and add a kid to the picture, I’m a little out of practice!”

Buck’s face softens and he seems to take pity on him.

“Well, if you would get out of your own head and take a look around, you’d notice that more than a few lovely ladies have been eying you up all night.” Buck pauses and adds, “A few guys, too. If you’re into that.”

Eddie rolls his eyes and pulls a face like Buck just told a joke. He misses the way Buck looks slightly dejected, just for a second, before his grin slides back into place.

“So what are you looking for then? Blonde? Brunette? Are you into any weird stuff ‘cause the chick with the sleeve tats over there looks like she likes to play with toys.”

Eddie sighs and shakes his head, finally looking around the room for the first time. “I want something… uncomplicated.”

“Uncomplicated like a quickie in the bathroom? I’ve been there, and would not recommend. Your back will be killing you the next day.”

“Just… something easy, no strings attached, never have to call them again…”

“A one-night stand?” Buck frowns and tilts his head curiously. “Sounds like my old kind of thing. I didn’t think it was yours.”

Eddie shrugs. “It’s too hard to try for anything serious. I have Christopher to think about, and he needs one hundred percent of my attention. And I definitely can’t be bringing home random girls, hoping one of them is going to be Chris’s new mom.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Most would run away once they find out I’m a widowed veteran-father anyway. Talk about a flight risk.”

“Don’t be so negative about yourself,” Buck says, his voice low. “You’re a great guy, and anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Eddie pauses at the sincerity in Buck’s voice. It’s sweet. And nice. But he shakes his head and the moment ends. “Alright, help me out here. I really don’t want to go home tonight to just my left hand for company. Who do you think I’ve got a chance with?”

Buck grins, a little mirthless. “The girl in the red top, drinking a Long Island at the bar.” He raises an eyebrow and nods in her direction. “She’s with a group of friends, but she’s not been chatty. She keeps looking around the room like she’s looking for someone.”

Eddie turns and to his surprise, he makes eye contact. She’s attractive, probably mid to late twenties, with brown hair and blue eyes. Three solid seconds pass before she grins flirtatiously, bats her eyes, and looks away.

“Hook, line, and sinker,” Buck murmurs.

Eddie finishes off his beer. The bitter taste lingers and settles in his mouth, giving him an odd sense of confidence as he stands. “Wish me luck.”

“Good luck,” Buck says softly.

Eddie slides against the bar next to the girl in the red top. He grins, friendly but not over the top. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she answers with a bright smile.

Eddie waves over the bartender. “Hi, can I get an IPA and another of what she’s having? Oh, and one more beer for my friend—” He turns his head, about to point to Buck when his eyes land on their empty table. Buck’s jacket is gone too.

He must have left.

“Um, nevermind about that last one. Thanks.”

…

Evan Buckley has been in love with his best friend for over two years. It’s painful, that they can be so close and yet he sometimes feels a million miles away. “I can’t get him out of my head, Mads. I think about him all the time and it’s so fucking distracting.”

“Dude, I work with you guys,” Chimney says slowly. “In a very dangerous line of work.”

Buck scowls as Maddie slaps her boyfriend’s arm. “I came over here to talk to my sister. Do you really have to be a part of the conversation?”

“I was here first!”

“Hm, yeah sorry,” Buck frowns and shakes his head. “I think I’ve got about twenty-six years on you in that department.”

“Stop fighting, children, please!”

Buck continues to mope on the couch while Chim shakes his head and helps himself to snacks on the coffee table. The crunch of chips between his teeth clashes harshly with the constant thump of Buck’s knee bouncing against the underside of the table.

“Look, Evan,” Maddie says carefully. “I think you really need to tell Eddie how you feel.”

“Why? What’s the point?” Buck demands. “So that he can reject me nicely? Let me down easy, maybe? Best case scenario, he says that nothing’s ever going to change between us and then he acts all weird and awkward because he knows that his best friend—who is a guy—is fucking in love with him!”

Maddie reaches over and grabs her brother’s hand to hold. Even Chim’s eyes are downcast, looking like he feels a bit bad for him.

“You have to tell him, so that you can start to get over him,” Maddie says softly. “So that you can move on.”

“Maddie’s right,” Chim chimes in. “Rejection is the first step. If Tatiana hadn’t rejected me, I’d probably still be in that awful facade of a relationship. I never would have found the most wonderful and amazing person that I was meant to be with.”

Maddie grins softly at him. She leans over and they share a sweet kiss.

“Ugh,” Buck pulls a face and looks away. “Gross. That’s it, I can’t take any more of this. I’m out of here.”

“Evan, you don’t have to go!” Maddie says.

At the same time that Chim says, “See ya tomorrow, Buck.” He shrugs when they both give him a look. “What? I spend all day with the guy, I gotta see him at home, too?”

“Love you too, Chim,” Buck says sarcastically.

“He’s family,” Maddie says sternly.

“Hey, speaking of, where’s Albert?” Buck asks.

“Probably hooking up with rando hot girl number thirty.”

“Huh.” Buck pulls out his phone and hums. He says his goodbyes and leaves his sister and Chimney to do… whatever old, happy couples do on a Wednesday night.

Where you at?

A minute later, Albert responds. Some bar on West 23rd St. Wanna join?

Not feeling up to it. Wanna come over and hang instead?

Sure. Albert says. And then another text. I’ll be over in an hour.

…

It’s the middle of their shift and things are slow, which is never something to complain about. Eddie regales a tale about the latest girl he hooked up with. There have been a few girls since that night at the bar, and Eddie never shies away from telling Buck. Nothing too lewd. Just the highlights.

Buck nods and hums in response. His attention, however, is glued to his phone, where his thumbs rapidly fly across the screen as he texts. He plasters a lopsided grin on his face for show.

“I’m sorry, is my story about my foray back into the dating scene for the first time in over a decade too boring for you?”

Buck’s eyes snap up and he grins apologetically. He quickly slips his phone back into his pocket. “Sorry! I was listening, I swear!”

Eddie doesn’t buy it for one second.

“It couldn’t have been that bad,” Buck says quickly. See, he was listening. “You sealed the deal, right?”

Eddie sighs. “Yeah. It was alright. Not exactly a night of passion.”

“Better luck next time. Plenty more one-night fish in the sea, am I right?”

Eddie frowns, figuring Buck is right. He puts his mediocre night out of his mind. Buck looks like he’s itching to check his phone again. And then Eddie suddenly wonders what’s got his friend so distracted lately. “Hey, what was that just now? You’ve been glued to your phone the whole day. What is going on with you?”

Buck blushes and actually looks embarrassed, a rare sight. “I uh—I met someone,” he says bashfully.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, surprised. “Wow, um, congrats, dude. You haven’t mentioned getting back out there or anything.”

“Yeah, well. I figured it was time. It’s been a year since Ali…”

Eddie frowns and tries to be happy for him. But the only thing he can think is, “Is it serious?”

Buck grins softly. “It might be. Too early to tell, you know? But I think I want it to be.”

Eddie nods. An uncomfortable feeling rolls around in the pit of his stomach. He must have eaten something at lunch that doesn’t agree with him. He brushes it aside. “What’s her name?”

Buck hesitates. “His name is… Tom.”

Whatever Eddie ate for lunch might be threatening to come back up again.

…

“How could he not tell me? I mean, how could he not tell me?! We’re best friends, this is the type of thing that you tell your best friend!” Eddie gestures wildly with his arms as he speaks.

“I don’t understand why this is such a big deal,” Hen takes a drink of her cocktail and narrowly avoids being hit accidentally by Eddie’s flailing hands. “It’s not like he outright lied to you.”

“Not telling me that he’s into guys isn’t lying to me?”

“He’s dated one girl in the two plus years that you’ve known him. So he omitted one small fact about himself, so what? There are people who like both, you know.”

Eddie scoffs, incredulous. “Yeah, but Buck?!”

Hen gives him a pointed look and Eddie sighs. “I just… I don’t get why didn’t he tell me sooner.” He says softly.

“Please. You are not about to ask a lesbian why Buck didn’t out himself to you sooner. And you are definitely not having an issue with the fact itself, right?”

“Of course not,” Eddie says firmly. He might have grown up in a homophobic town in Texas, but that was never him. He stood up for the kids who got bullied growing up. He would never hate Buck for being gay, bi, pan, or whatever he labels himself. He would never hate anyone for that.

He just can’t seem to wrap his head around it. Why didn’t Buck tell him sooner? Why does it feel like such a painful and devastating betrayal, knowing that Buck met someone and they ‘might’ be getting serious?

“Wait,” Eddie freezes. “Hang on. Why aren’t you more surprised by this?”

Hen chuckles. “We have… a type of radar. I’m sure you’ve heard of it.” She finishes her drink and laughs to herself. “From the second I laid eyes on that boy, I could tell he was a womanizer and a playboy. But let me tell you, that bitch also looks like he is two clicks away from calling the first man to pull his hair Daddy.” She cackles loudly, unaware that Eddie is struggling not to choke on the air in his lungs.

…

Albert is really good at chess.

Apparently, he won some sort of big deal tournament in South Korea. He brushes it off like no big deal whenever Chimney brings it up.

“It’s about being able to predict your opponent's move before they’ve even thought of it. You need to be three steps ahead, always. And flexible enough to adjust your strategy to the evolving game.”

Buck frowns. “That sounds really complicated. And hard.”

“I can teach you. Have you ever heard of game theory?”

“Dude, I told you I wasn’t the best in school,” Buck groans.

“Game theory is recognized as an important tool in many fields. It’s won Nobel prizes,” Albert says seriously.

Buck’s head spins from the nerd talk. “The only thing I care about, is will this even work?”

“Trust me,” Albert smiles, young and soft and genuine. “With my help, it will work.”

…

“Hi, Buck!”

Buck grins at Christopher’s excitement and quickly shoves two bags of take-out into Eddie’s hands so that he can kneel down and give Chris a hug. “Hi, buddy, I missed you!”

“I missed you too, Buck!”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been over in a while. I’ve been busy.” His brow furrows, regretful, and he sneaks a quick glance at Eddie, who wears an unreadable expression while he tries to balance the bags Buck had pushed into his arms.

“That’s okay, you’re here now.” And with that, Chris takes Buck by the hand and leads him over to the couch.

Clearly, it’s now Eddie’s responsibility to handle the food.

After dinner, Buck helps Eddie with the dishes, while Chris is engrossed by a movie in the living room.

“So I was thinking maybe you could spend the night?” Eddie says, as he rinses a dirty dish under the tap. “We can do breakfast tomorrow morning at the diner on Stratton, the one that Chris likes. And I was going to take him to the park afterwards, you know he loves having you there.”

Buck is silent for a moment, just long enough that Eddie stops and looks up from what he’s doing.

“I um… I actually have plans later tonight.”

“Oh,” Eddie says dumbly. Out the corner of his eye, the clock on the oven blinks 8:11 PM. “What kind of plans?” He asks casually.

Buck blushes and drops his gaze. “Tom’s coming over.” A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips. “I don’t think you want any details beyond that.”

Eddie purses his lips and returns his attention to the dishes. He doesn’t want to think about Buck and Tom, the latter is just a faceless shadow in his mind. But one with broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw.

Nope, he does not need any more details.

“Maybe I could still join you guys at the park though?”

“Yeah,” Eddie mutters, as he scrubs a plate with far more force than necessary. “I’m sure Chris would love that.”

…

Eddie isn’t as great at hiding his emotions as he would like to believe. Maybe once upon a time he got away with it, but over the past two years, the 118 has become family to him. And families pry. They get into each other’s business, with good intentions, of course.

“Rough night?”

Eddie looks up and sees his Captain’s concerned face watching him. “Uh, sort of, Cap. I haven’t been sleeping well,” he admits. “Kind of have a lot on my mind right now. But I’m fine, don’t worry. It’s not affecting my work.”

Bobby takes a seat in the chair next to him. “You’ve been pretty quiet lately. Is everything alright at home?”

“Yeah, everything’s great,” Eddie says carefully. “Christopher is doing well and he’s loving his classes at school. Everything’s great, Cap.”

The words taste like ash and sound fake to his own ears.

“Listen, it’s my job to know when something is wrong with my team,” Bobby says seriously. “And you’ve been off for weeks now. Is there… is there something going on between you and Buck that I should know about?”

“No! No, of course not!” Eddie says, a little too quickly. “I mean… Okay, honestly, Buck hasn’t been around much lately—” He clears his throat awkwardly. “Since he’s been seeing someone and… Chris has been asking why he hasn’t been around as much, and I know that he misses him.” He sighs and runs his hands through his short hair. “I just don’t know what to do about it.”

Bobby gives him a strange look, like maybe he’s being a bit slow. “Have you tried… talking to Buck about this? I’m sure Buck is more than happy to make time for you guys. You’re family to him.”

Eddie blinks, oblivious. “No. Why would I?”

“Because it might solve all your problems.”

Eddie snorts. That doesn’t quite compute.

Bobby pats him on the shoulder and gives him a sad, knowing glance. He wonders how long it’s going to take for Eddie to admit to himself that it’s not just Chris who misses Buck.

…

“Eddie, h-hey, what’s up?”

Eddie grins. Buck’s voice is breathy like he’s just gone on a run, or been going hard at the gym. It’s a sound that Eddie associates with a bad call that ends well because they saved the day. Out of breath and gasping, but still with a grin plastered across his face so bright it could light up a room.

“What’s going on?” Comes Buck’s concerned voice over the line when Eddie doesn’t answer. “Is everything okay? Is Christopher alright?”

Eddie closes his eyes and tries to get himself out of his own head. He’s been having trouble thinking straight lately. “Yeah. Yeah man, everything’s fine. Just wondering what you’re up to tonight? Chris is having some friends over and I could use another pair of eyes on them. You know I hate being outnumbered,” he chuckles.

“Oh, I’m sorry I can’t,” Buck says, and then there’s a rush of air into the phone before he continues, “I uh… I think I’m staying in tonight.”

Eddie frowns. Something doesn’t sound quite right. He narrows his eyes and presses the phone closer to his ear. There’s rustling in the background, like something is going on over Buck’s end. “Come on, dude,” he presses. “We haven’t hung out outside of work in like two weeks.”

“Yeah, I know,” Buck drawls. “You’re hopeless without me.”

Eddie is about to say something snarky in return when he hears a muffled sound in the background, right before Buck grunts softly into his ear.

His hand tightens on his phone. “Buck?”

“W-what?” Buck sounds distracted, and then the clear sound of a backboard squeaking rhythmically tells Eddie all he needs to know. “Eddie, I gotta go,” he says breathlessly. His voice is cut off by commotion on his end of the line.

Eddie winces when he hears the clear clatter of Buck’s phone dropping to the ground.

“Shit, I dropped my phone!”

Muffled noises and heavy moans drift over the line. Warmth floods his body and Eddie feels his face flush red. It’s suddenly very hard to breathe. He should hang up. He should pretend this call never happened. He really, really should not stay on the line listening to his best friend having sex with another man.

“Oh, fuck, harder—”

Eddie closes his eyes. Buck’s face in high definition lights up in his mind, lips parted, cheeks rosy and flushed, and maybe he bites down on his bottom lip as he gets fucked—

What the hell is he doing? Thinking about Buck’s red lips and how it’s so adorable that his birthmark is the same shade as that luscious mouth—

Eddie considers hanging up yet again.

But the grunts and moans and sounds of pleasure are getting louder. And he’s suddenly so fucking hard.

“Fuck! Come on, give me more, right there—”

His hand is reaching down his pants and wrapping around his hard cock before Eddie even realizes it. He jerks himself roughly as he listens to the sound of Buck’s voice.

He’s never come so fast in his life.

…

“Hey Chim, how’s it going with Albert?” Eddie asks. “You guys getting along any better?”

Chimney frowns and glances over at the bar where Albert, Buck, and Hen are sharing a laugh over drinks.

“They are getting along wonderfully,” Maddie answers for him.

“Well, he’s family,” Chim manages, shaking his head.

Eddie chuckles and his eyes can’t help but land on Buck and stay there.

Of course, they never mentioned the call, instead both chose to act like the whole thing never happened. Maybe Buck didn’t realize that it was blatantly obvious what he was doing when Eddie called, and maybe he didn’t realize that Eddie stayed on the line, blowing a load over him, like a goddamn creep.

The next day, he just smiled and clapped a hand on Eddie’s shoulder like nothing was wrong. Nevermind that Eddie’s whole world was crashing around him because he got himself off to his best friend being fucked by another guy. And the orgasm he had over Buck’s voice was more intense than any he’d had with the random women he’d slept with over the past month.

He can’t even remember their names.

So lost in thought, he doesn’t realize that Maddie and Chim are giving each other smirks and looks while he’s distracted.

“What’s going on with you, Mr. Mopey?” Chimney asks.

“What do you mean?” Eddie asks, confused.

“Come on, you’ve been acting off for weeks,” Chim says while Maddie tries to hide a laugh. “Everyone’s noticed. Just admit it.”

“Admit what?” Eddie genuinely has no idea what he’s talking about.

“You can’t possibly be that thick,” Chim says slowly.

Maddie pats him on the shoulder. “Babe, don’t push it.”

“Oh, come on! Even Albert won’t stop talking about it—”

Eddie never finds out what it is because they’re interrupted by the presence of none other than the man who is the star of his wet dreams.

“What’s up, guys?” Buck’s grin is a mile wide and he’s just loose enough from a few drinks that he’s extra handsy. And he’s pretty handsy with Eddie on a regular day.

Eddie swallows the lump in his throat as his skin hyper focuses on Buck’s arm around his shoulders. He quickly takes another drink of his beer so that he doesn’t have to answer.

And then he spends the rest of the night hoping and praying that his jeans are tight enough to hide the obvious erection in his pants.

…

Eddie thinks it can’t possibly get any worse. He’s wrong.

Weeks of blue balls and pining leave him in a near constant bad mood. Even Chris has noticed that he’s been snappier than usual—which of course, makes him feel like an asshole.

Buck hasn’t mentioned anything, though everyone else seems to be avoiding him like the plague.

And then during one of their shifts, twenty minutes after Eddie texts Buck to confirm his pizza topping of choice for lunch, he receives a photo to their text message chain. He thinks he’s hallucinating when the little icon image pops up on his screen.

But then he opens the image and his eyes bulge wide out of their sockets.

Buck is shirtless. It’s not like Eddie hasn’t seen the guy naked before. After all, they’ve spent plenty of time together in the showers and locker room at the firehouse. It’s the look on his face that gets him. The angle is taken from above. It’s meant to be sexual. Buck is biting his lip, head tilted back, a look of absolute sin gracing his handsome features. Eddie has never thought of his friend as pretty before, but god damn, Buck is pretty.

And as Eddie’s eyes trail down Buck’s chest, down his chiseled abs, they travel over the gorgeous V of his hip bones, to just past the base of his shaft, the rest cut off by his boxer briefs pulled down by the hook of his thumb.

The picture was clearly meant for something else.

Eddie doesn’t know what the fuck to do. He’s torn between confronting Buck about this egregious error that he made and running into the bathroom to jerk off.

In hindsight, the latter would have been better. After all, with post-nut clarity, he never would have done what he actually did, which is yell at Buck, in front of the whole firehouse.

“What the actual fuck?!”

Buck gapes at the lewd image on his phone, when shoved in his face. “I—I am so sorry, Eddie!” He stutters, red with embarrassment. “I did not mean to send that to you! I—I didn’t check the chain, and I had forgotten that you texted me your order—”

“You think I want to be getting shit like this on my phone?” Eddie rages. “Be more fucking careful next time you send shit like this to your boyfriend, or whoever the hell he is!”

Buck looks hurt. “Sorry, man,” he says softly. “It won’t happen again.”

Head bowed, Buck walks away with his tail tucked between his legs, leaving Eddie feeling like the biggest asshole on the face of this earth.

It doesn’t help that their little squabble had gained an audience.

Eddies groans and clenches his fists by his sides. He fights the urge to smash his phone to pieces.

He never does delete that photo.

…

Eddie’s not sure how they got to this point. Their friends pity them and Bobby has personally demanded that they resolve their differences. Fast. Or they won’t be covering the same shifts anymore. And now Buck is mad and wanting answers.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you, Buck.”

“You haven’t looked at me in days. If this is still about the pic that I accidentally sent you—”

“No!” Eddie says loudly. “No, it’s not about that. I am definitely way past that.”

Buck pauses and stares at him in disbelief. “Then why doesn’t it feel that way?”

“I don’t know,” Eddie swallows thickly. “Maybe you’re just imagining things.”

“You’ve been acting like a real dick lately,” Buck says blatantly. “If you have a problem with me, you should just say it.”

Eddie bites his tongue. “Nope. No problem at all.”

Buck grits his teeth and storms away. And that’s that.

…

Not too long later, Eddie reaches his breaking point.

“Alright, fine! Maybe I am pissed at you!” Eddie gives in to the weeks of loneliness and sexual frustration and yells at his friend. “I’m pissed that you haven’t been around! And when you are, you’re distracted and distant and all you talk about is this Tom fella—”

“My boyfriend?”

“Whatever!” Eddie says. “Fuck!”

He knows he’s being a Grade A asshole, but he can’t help himself. Buck drives him crazy and he has no idea how to stop it.

A long moment passes before Buck speaks, “Well, not to get your hopes up or anything,” he says softly. “But this Tom thing might not last much longer.”

Eddie’s curiosity is piqued. Despite knowing better, he asks, “What’s going on?”

Buck shrugs uncomfortably. “I think we just want different things. Probably not going to work out in the long run.”

“And… what do you want?”

Buck looks at him and for a second Eddie gets lost in the blue of his eyes. “I want something real, you know? And I thought that’s what he wanted too, but… he wants to keep it open. Keep seeing other people.” He sighs heavily, sounding sad and defeated. “Which I was fine with for a while, but… I kind of thought he’d change his mind eventually.”

Buck shakes his head. “Sorry, man. You don’t want to hear about this—”

“Tom’s a fucking asshole,” Eddie spits.

Buck blinks in surprise. “W-what?” He chuckles softly.

“You heard me. He’s a fucking asshole. I’ll kick his ass if I ever meet him.”

Buck stares at him for a long moment. And then his face breaks into a grin. “Thanks, Eddie. You’re a good friend.”

Eddie nods. For the first time in a long time, he does feel like a good friend. Because he would absolutely kick anyone’s ass who hurt Buck.

…

Things between them get better after that.

And one evening, after the end of a long shift, Eddie and Buck get good and truly hammered.

It’s been a long time since Eddie had drank that much. But they don’t have to work the next day, Chris is sleeping over at Abuela’s, and him and Buck are friends again. So he lets loose and just goes along with whatever Buck wants. And Buck leans very much into his personal space in his drunk and disorderly state.

Eddie doesn’t mind one bit. Like an idiot, he doesn’t push him away.

He misses the laughs and doesn’t catch the mild looks of judgment and concern from Hen and Chim, because he’s too drunk to care. And when Albert keeps pushing tequila shots their way, he giggles and throws them back with Buck because it finally feels like they’re them again. And he’s really missed this.

…

The pillow that smacks him in the face wakes him up fast. With a startled gasp, Eddie blinks the sleep and haze out of his eyes. The first thing he registers is his throbbing headache. “What the hell—” The second is the pillow that hits him again before he can do anything more than blink dumbly in surprise. And then he’s pissed. “What the fuck, Buck?!”

“Stop that!” Eddie grabs the pillow before the other man can hit him again. “This is not exactly the morning after I was hoping for!”

“What exactly were you hoping for?! What the hell, Eddie?! We had sex last night! TOGETHER!” Buck’s voice gets higher until he’s nearly screeching, which is not great for either of their hangovers. He seems to suddenly realize he’s naked because he pulls the covers up tighter around himself as if it might preserve his chastity. A bit late for that, Eddie thinks.

“You… asshole! What the hell?!”

Eddie rubs the residual fog out of his eyes and stares at him. “You told Chim last night that you would give your left nut to suck my dick, so what the hell are you complaining about?” He smirks and nods at the shocked expression on Buck’s face. “Yeah, apparently, you get reeeal chatty when you’ve had tequila.”

“Chim said what?” Buck whispers softly, looking mildly shell-shocked and like he really wants to bury himself in the earth and never come out again.

“Oh, and by the way, I am way hotter than that guy you were flirting with at the bar,” Eddie growls, indignant and affronted. “If you want to know regret, know that you could have woken up next to that!”

“He—he was perfectly fine looking,” Buck stutters.

At the same time that Eddie hisses, “Man-bun.”

“And more importantly,” Buck continues harshly. “Since when do you sleep with guys?”

“Since last night, apparently,” Eddie says steely, not nearly as mortified and shocked as he should be. He adds, “And it was really great. Morning after could use some work though.”

Buck swallows. “I never thought… I never thought you were interested.”

“Neither did I,” Eddie lies. He takes a breath, counts to three in his head, and on a whim and a prayer, he reaches for Buck and crashes their lips together with such force that they nearly topple over.

They’re all awkward limbs and gross tequila morning breath—and yet, they seem to fit together perfectly in each other’s arms. They fall back onto Buck’s sheets. A mess of gangly limbs, dried bodily fluids, and lips desperate to feel more.

Perfect.

…

If anyone were to ask what this thing is between him and Buck, Eddie would say that it’s casual. That’s the word he likes to use when he thinks of them. They’re sleeping together and it’s good and hot and mindblowing sex. But it’s also easy. Because Buck is uncomplicated, and he’s there again when Chris wants him. He loves Christopher, Eddie has no doubt about that. And most importantly, Eddie can get laid whenever he wants.

“Hey, so I was thinking about asking Carla to stay late this Friday to watch Chris,” Buck brings up to him one night. “Maybe you and I can go out to dinner after our shift. We could go some place nice. That new restaurant on Main St. maybe.”

Eddie follows his first instinct which is to laugh, because it sounds like Buck just suggested that they go out on a date. The look on Buck’s face says that he made a mistake.

“Wait, you’re serious?” Eddie asks after seeing the dejected look on Buck’s face.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Buck’s voice is low and strange.

“Because that… that sounds like a date,” Eddie says incredulously. “That’s not what you and I do. We don’t go to nice restaurants, we’re not—”

“A couple?” Buck cuts him off roughly. His expression has grown hard. “So what exactly are we?”

It’s a rare moment when Eddie is at a loss for words, but right now they seem to be stuck in his throat and he has no idea what to say.

“What exactly is this to you, Eddie?” Buck asks slowly.

“We’re just… good friends helping each other out,” he manages.

“Friends?” Buck demands, eyes narrowed and furious. “I’ve sucked your cock, I think we’re a little beyond friends, Eddie.”

“Jesus, Buck! Keep your voice down!” Eddie hisses, even though Chris’s room is on the other end of the house and he’s probably fast asleep at this hour.

But now Buck just looks defeated and hurt, and it’s the last thing that Eddie wanted.

“I thought this meant more to you,” Buck says quietly. “I guess I was wrong.”

“Look, Buck,” Eddie starts. “You know I love you, man. Just… just not like that. I can’t do that.”

Buck scoffs and looks away, which makes Eddie feel worse.

“I told you, a long time ago, that I’m not looking for anything serious, with anyone. It’s… it’s not you, Buck. It’s just that, I have a son to think about.” It makes sense in his head. It’s not like he’s sleeping with anyone else. He just needs to make Buck see.

“Okay.”

Eddie blinks. Okay? “Yeah?”

Buck nods. “Yeah,” he says softly. He slowly turns away, looking lost for a moment, before turning back, eyes glazed and hurt and unseeing. “I’m gonna go.” He says, pointing a thumb behind him. He starts gathering his things to leave and Eddie’s heart sinks into his gut. It hurts like there’s a knife buried there, twisting.

“Wait, no,” Eddie says desperately. “Buck, don’t leave—” He reaches for him but Buck snatches his arm away before Eddie can make contact. Somehow that stings more than when Shannon asked for a divorse.

Buck is adamant about avoiding eye contact, or any type of contact at all.

He’s hurt. And Eddie hates that this time, he was the one to do it.

“I’ll see you later, man,” Buck mutters, and then he’s gone.

Eddie stands, alone in his kitchen, feeling more lost than ever before.

…

Hen, bless her soul, is the first to pull him aside and demand to know how he managed to fuck up such a sure, good thing.

“What kind of moron are you?” She asks after she listens to his side of the story.

“W-what?” Eddie sputters helplessly. “This isn’t my fault.”

“You are both miserable,” she says bluntly. “Why?!”

Eddie sighs heavily and agrees. “Buck looked like he was about to dry heave when I stepped into the station today,” he says sadly.

“You are dumber than a bag of rocks. Eddie Diaz, I’m going to say this once and only once. You. Love. Him.” She says, enunciating each word.

“Of course, I love him,” Eddie responds. “He’s my closest friend. He’s Buck. I trust him with everything—”

“No, you dumbass. I mean, you love him. He’s not just some rando hookup you picked up for a night. He’s not just a friend, he’s Buck, the guy who would rather die than see anything bad happen to you or your son. He’s the guy who loves your kid like his own. And, speaking as a mother, that is not something to be said lightly.”

“I know Buck loves Chris,” Eddie says softly. “And I never asked him to, he just…” His voice trails off, as the realization slowly dawns on him.

Hen raises a brow. “Let me ask you a question,” she says slowly. “Why did you stop looking for girls to sleep with? You stopped long before you and Buck started this thing between you two. So why? Why did you stop?”

“I…” Fuck. Eddie remembers the longing that he felt when Buck was with someone else. He remembers how much it hurt. Like someone had reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. “Anyone else just… wasn’t what I wanted,” he realizes.

“So what are you waiting for now, dummy?”

“I’m scared,” Eddie admits. “I thought that it would be too difficult or too complicated, or whatever dumb shit I was thinking at the time. I thought it wasn’t worth the risk. To me and to my son.”

“And is it?” Hen asks softly.

Eddie bites his lip. “If this goes sideways, I don’t know what it’ll do to Christopher. That kid has lost so much already. And he loves Buck to death, if this doesn’t work out—”

“Kids are a lot tougher than we like to give them credit for. I’m saying this from one parent to another. You can’t let that hold you back. You can’t let it stop you from going after what you really want. Trust me, Chris will understand. He probably already knows you’re head over heads for his Buck.”

Eddie laughs and bows his head. “Yeah, probably. I never did hide it very well, did I?”

“No, you didn’t,” Hen agrees.

“I think I was wrong,” Eddie finally whispers.

Hen’s fingers flex around his forearm, offering what comfort she can. “Are you done being an idiot yet?”

Eddie considers it. “Yeah, I think so. I just gotta clear it with one more person,” he says softly.

…

His son is the most important person in his life. Eddie has so much to make up for. He was away for so long and he missed so much. And he vowed that he would never let Christopher down again.

But he has. Of course he has, he’s only human. But he keeps trying and he never gives up. And he figures that’s got to count for something.

For over two years, Eddie watched the relationship blossom between Buck and Chris. He watched as Buck doted on his kid, took him under his wing, and not long after, he started loving him.

Eddie now includes Buck’s name on his list of emergency contacts.

It took a little while longer, but eventually Eddie realizes that Chris looks up to Buck like another parent.

The moment really came when he peeks into Chris’s bedroom and sees Buck reading his son a bedtime story, one of Christopher’s favorites. Chris insists every night that Buck is there. Buck does the voices better than Eddie.

There they are, side by side. Chris’s eyes are drooping, no longer focused on the page. Buck’s voice is still animated and excited, though getting softer by the minute. And the look on his face, Eddies loves that look. Eddie loves him.

It’s a terrifying thought.

It catches him off guard. It scares him. Chris already lost one parent. Eddie couldn’t bear his son losing another. So he kept Buck at a distance. Tried to draw a line between what he had with Buck and what they had as a family.

Hen was right, he was a goddamn moron.

Buck was family long before he and Eddie got wasted and fell into bed with each other.

“Hey, kiddo,” Eddie kneels down by his son where he’s playing with his toys in the living room.

“Hi, Dad.”

Chris’s grin warms his heart and Eddie can’t help but smile as well. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?”

Eddie smiles at his kid, the shining epitome love of his life. “I want to talk to you about Buck.”

Chris’s grin grows wider. “I like Buck. Is he coming over tonight?”

“I like Buck, too.” Eddie says carefully. “So you… you like it when Buck is here?”

“Yeah, Buck is fun. And he loves me.”

“He sure does. Who wouldn’t love you, kiddo?” Eddie jokes.

“No,” Chris shakes his head. “Buck is special.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks. “And why is that?”

“Because you love him, Dad.”

Eddie freezes. He closes his jaw and swallows the lump in his throat. “Chris, how… how did you know that?” He whispers.

“The way you look at him,” Chris says easily. “And the way you act around him.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie presses.

“When Buck was hurt, you were really worried,” Chris explains. “You were sad and you were upset, and you would do everything you could to make him feel better. Remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” Eddie says softly. When Buck got crushed by a ladder truck, there were moments when Eddie thought he was going to lose him forever. He was scared—terrified. Not just for Buck’s health and safety, but he was scared that his life could forever be changed because some asshole kid decided to play bomber.

And when Buck almost died from the pulmonary embolism, because he pushed himself too hard—that made Eddie angry. Angry that Buck risked his life and his health and did this to himself. And maybe if Eddie had tried harder to be there for him, Buck wouldn’t have felt the need to get back to where he was so quickly.

Apparently, Eddie didn’t hide this very well.

“When Buck’s not here, you’re sad,” Chris says softly. “When he’s here, you’re happy.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. Kids make it sound so simple. He has a hard time remembering why he’s been acting like an idiot for so long. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“So you love him,” Chris says simply.

“I do,” Eddie says quietly, tears growing in his eyes. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Of course I am, Dad. Buck is amazing,” Chris says with a grin.

Eddie has never been so grateful that he has such an amazing kid. He still can’t believe he lucked out, that he has such a wonderful son. “Yeah,” he agrees, pulling him into a hug. Tears trail down his cheeks, but they’re happy tears. “Buck really is amazing.”

Chris smiles and lets out a soft laugh against him. “I love Buck, too, Dad.”

So, now Eddie has some groveling to do.

…

Buck isn’t surprised when he opens his door to see Eddie on the other side. He does huff in annoyance though. “What are you doing here?” He asks. They haven’t spoken since Buck walked out. Buck has avoided his calls and the texts go unanswered.

Eddie doesn’t answer at first. But he motions awkward with his arm and Buck eventually steps back to let him in.

“Look, I really don’t want to do this with you, Eddie—”

“Of course, you don’t,” Eddie says quickly. “We were always awful when we’re mad at each other. Over such dumb shit too.”

“You’re kidding, right?” Buck gives him an odd look. “Am I just supposed to get over it? I mean, I’ve had your dick up my ass, are we just supposed to pretend that never happened?”

Eddie blushes. “Yeah, that’s not really a memory I want to erase from existence, so…”

Buck stares at him, stubborn and calm. “So, what exactly are you saying?”

“What I’m trying to say, is that I’ve been acting like a royal idiot lately,” Eddie says. “I did pretty much everything wrong. I didn’t think that I wanted you until you were with someone else. And then when I did have you, I didn’t realize that what we had was so much more than I ever gave us credit for.”

Buck stays stubbornly silent. But he’s not kicking him out, which is enough to make Eddie continue. “I need you to know that I love you, and not just as a friend. I love you like a partner, like Chris’s second dad, like a missing piece of myself, and when you��re not there… it literally feels like my life is falling apart.”

His breath shudders and he sighs, trying to get a hold of himself. “I am so lost without you, Buck. And I was such an idiot that I didn’t realize it sooner. So, please… I am asking from the bottom of my heart… will you give me another chance?”

“I always knew you were an idiot,” Buck eventually says. “I don’t know where Chris gets his smarts from, because it definitely isn’t you.”

Eddie grins and takes a hesitant step forward. “Yeah, I deserve that,” he says softly, and then he takes another step. “You’re right, I was an idiot.”

“I’m gonna make you take me out, you know,” Buck whispers. “You’re gonna have to wine and dine me, and I mean, the good, expensive stuff.”

“Whatever you want, babe. I swear.” Eddie takes another final step and then he’s crowding into Buck’s space, pressing tight against his chest. He leans up to press their lips together and Buck’s got that look in his eyes that Eddie knows all too well. The look that says he’s in too deep, he loves too much, and if Eddie hurts him again, that’ll be the end of him.

But Eddie swears to high heaven, he’ll do his best to never ever hurt this man again.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been such an idiot,” Eddie murmurs against his lips.

“You swear you’ll stay with me this time?” Buck asks. “You’ll try this for real with me?”

Eddie nods. He presses their lips together, again and again, like he can’t get enough. His fingers are wrapped tight around the other man’s shirt, and he can tell Buck is holding himself back. He presses his weight against him, pushing him through the small apartment until they both fall against the couch—the stairs being too much to traverse in their state. The intense heat of their bodies together opens all the floodgates.

“I promise you, Buck. For real. You and me,” Eddie nods his head, his fingers fumble with Buck’s zipper, and then his own. “Like we should have been this whole goddamn time.”

When the clothes are off and skin is pressed to bare skin, they moan like starved men gasping for air. There’s lube somewhere in Buck’s coffee table drawer, and a box of condoms. Eddie presses his fingers into the hard flesh along Buck’s hips and buries his face in the crook of his neck. He sucks bruises into Buck’s skin, tastes him on his tongue and smells him in his nostrils. He can feel the other man’s pulse; strong, fast, and steady. He feels it rise and flutter as he moves inside him.

Their bodies grind together and the feeling is intoxicating; hot, sickly, and sweet. They’re reckless and dangerous and so in love that they’re sure nothing they’ve ever experienced even comes close to this.

They groan and pant and freefall toward climax together, limbs wrapped around each other, messy and uncoordinated. And when it’s over, Eddie presses his sweaty temple gently against Buck’s cheek. He’s gasping, struggling to catch his breath.

Buck chuckles softly, his hand comes up to wrap around Eddie’s arm. Their sounds echo through the apartment, a familiar comfort to them both.

“I’m hungry,” Buck says softly, before Eddie has even pulled out of him. “You wanna grab some food?”

Eddie grins and nods his head.

This feels good, he thinks to himself, better than anything he’s had before. And this time, he’s going to remember that.

…

Some time later:

“Chim, your brother is still here?” Eddie nods to Albert who’s engrossed in conversation with Buck by the bar. Eddie narrows his eyes at the serious look on Buck’s face. He wonders what they’re talking about.

Chimney gives him a strange look, perhaps surprised that he asked, and then he shrugs. “Yeah, thought he was staying a few weeks. Guess that’s turned into a few months now.”

“Couch-surfing for months, that’s got to be rough,” Eddie comments.

“My couch, random strange hook ups’ couches, Buck’s couch. That guy really knows how to get around.”

Eddie frowns. “Buck’s couch?” He knew Albert had stayed at Buck’s place once, after Chimney blew up at him. Not that it had happened again though.

Chim raises his eyebrows. “You don’t know? They hang out like… all the time. It’s fucking weird, man. If I didn’t know you and Buck got a serious thing going on, I’d be a little worried about Buckaroo over there taking my little brother’s innocence.”

Eddie gapes. “Are you serious?” His eyes fly around the bar again, not knowing what he thought he’d see. Buck and Albert look the same as they did twenty seconds ago, still talking by the bar.

“I’m kidding!” Chim says, laughing as he slaps Eddie on the arm. “Of course, I’m kidding!”

Eddie breathes in relief.

Until Chim continues, “My little brother doesn’t have an ounce of innocence inside him.”

Eddies doesn’t know how to approach this. He wants to know why he didn’t know—why Buck didn’t tell him that he was apparently close to Chimney’s estranged half-brother. He wants to go over there and find out what they’re talking about. How does he do that without coming across like some jealous asshole? His mind flips back and forth between playing it cool and storming over there.

Thankfully, Buck saves him the trouble.

He pulls him aside and looks hesitant when he speaks, which Eddie takes note of right away.

“Hey, can we talk about something real quick?” Buck asks.

“Yeah, of course,” Eddie says carefully. “What’s going on?

“Um,” Buck shifts uncomfortably. “You know how I kind of made you grovel when you came back? And I kind of emphasized how you were a total dick, who needed to beg and plead before getting back into my pants?”

Eddie snorts. “Yeah.” He remembers it vividly.

“Okay,” Buck admits. “So, I’m kind of an asshole.”

“You weren’t that bad,” Eddie chuckles.

“No,” Buck insists. “I actually am kind of a dick.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He clicks and swipes while Eddie watches confused until Buck holds the screen up in front of his face.

Eddie doesn’t know what he’s looking at. It’s his contact info, with call data, and all their incoming and outgoing calls.

“Eighteen minutes and twenty-three seconds.”

Eddie stares, blank and confused, until it dawns on him. He sees the call log. He sees the date and the numbers and there’s only one possibility. Eighteen minutes and twenty-three seconds that he stayed on the line. Listening. Like a perv.

“Um… I—I wasn’t—” He stutters. “I don’t know what—”

“Don’t be embarrassed, I knew you were listening,” Buck says quickly as he shoves his phone back in his pocket. “Um, I don’t really know how to tell you this, but… Tom wasn’t real.”

“What?” Eddie blinks and struggles to process. “Tom, your… ex-boyfriend?”

Buck looks genuinely shameful. “Yeah, he was… kind of, made up?” He says lightly.

Eddie’s mind sort of short-circuits then. Because what the hell does that mean? “W-what?!” He sputters.

“I’m sorry!” Buck says quickly. And then he rolls into a tangent that Eddie can only hope to follow as best his can. “It was Albert’s idea, ‘cause I was complaining about how much I was in love with you. And apparently, I talk about you a lot, like non-stop and he was getting sick of it. And I think I was moping and pissing him off because he just wanted a drinking buddy. And then he kept going on and on about behavior theory and logical decision making and all this other shit that I don’t really understand!”

Eddie blinks and Buck continues, “He told me what to do to get you and I just went along with it! He told me to invent some guy and it would make you realize what you wanted all along… And that if I threatened to pull away, you would realize that you love me and that this thing between us—” He gestures quickly with his hands. “—is real. And it worked!”

Buck shrugs, a small, hopeful expression on his face. “Except now I kind of feel like a dick because I made you feel bad, and he said that I should come clean about everything and that you wouldn’t mind because you love me too—”

“Wait, wait, wait… hold up,” Eddie’s mind hasn’t quite caught up yet. “You lied to me?”

“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers.

“Tom was… was a lie?” Eddie tries to think of the evidence. He never met the guy, never even saw a photo. Buck just kept talking about him… “But the call…”

“Yeah, I kind of had a bit of fun with that one,” Buck grins bashfully. “Our first phone sex!” He tries to joke, but it falls flat when he sees the look on Eddie’s face.

“You tricked me? You’ve been lying this whole time?”

“Well, I… I prefer to think of it as, I used dishonest tactics to persuade you…”

“The—the fucking… naked picture of you…” Eddie’s jaw drops as the pieces finally come together in his head. “You sent that to me on purpose!”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says softly.

“I cannot believe this! You—you inserted yourself into my life, lied to me for months, pull yourself away, and of course, I’m over here tweaking like an addict without dope! And feeling like the biggest jerk in the world!”

“Well, that’s a bit dramatic, I think.”

“Where is that asshole?”

Buck’s eyes widen comically when he sees the other man prepare for a rampage. “Eddie, wait!”

But Eddie’s already making his way back to the group. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he knows that he’s furious, embarrassed that he was played so easily, and completely blind-sided by the truth. He can’t even put his thoughts in order to make a coherent—

“Hey, asshole!”

All eyes turn to him, shocked by his outburst. Hen and Chim are clearly confused, unsure of what’s going on. A second later, he registers that Buck has caught up to him. The expression on his face is oddly reminiscent of Scrat from the Ice Age movies that Chris loves watching. Stunned, sheepish, and a little bit of ‘did I do that?’

“What the hell is wrong with you?! You think you can just mess with people’s heads like this?! You think you can just treat this shit like a game, like… like some fucking chess game?!”

“Eddie, stop!” Buck pleads.

“Whoa, wait, what the hell is going on?” Chim asks.

“You fucking piece of shit, I ought to—”

Albert stands slowly, his hands held up innocently in front of him. Eddie breathes slowly through his nose. He can feel Buck’s presence behind him, ready to hold him back in case he decides to do something royally stupid.

“I’m sorry if you feel fooled,” Albert says carefully. “We had no intention to hurt you. Quite the opposite, actually.”

Behind him, the others stare, mouths gaping. “What is happening right now?” Maddie whispers.

“Eddie, please think about this,” Buck says softly. “Please—”

Eddie cuts him off by taking a step forward. They all hold their breaths. And then, to their surprise and his own, Eddie wraps his arms around Albert in a tight hug. “You are such an asshole.” His voice is tight and strangled. “But thank you.”

“Okay, can someone please explain what is going on?” Chim asks. “We’re kind of losing our minds over here.”

“I think we might need some more drinks for this,” Hen says, right before she and Maddie share a look.

“Amen, sister.”

Later, after everyone is caught up and thoroughly impressed—

“I studied game theory in college,” Albert explains.

“Glad to see you’re doing something good with that fancy education of yours,” Chim says sarcastically.

“I can’t believe I didn’t know about this,” Maddie says, incredulous. “Who knew you were such a good actor?” She smacks her little brother on the arm and chuckles at Buck’s yelp.

—and Buck and Eddie finally have a moment to themselves, Buck asks him, “So I can relax and trust that you’re not going to kick his ass?”

Eddie sighs and shakes his head. “I wanted to.”

“You had me worried there for a second.”

“Albert’s genius is what got me to stop being an idiot,” Eddie says softly. “He got us together, and you are the love of my life. I could never hate him for that.”

Buck makes a face, about to coo and aww at the ‘love of his life’ comment until Eddie continues. “You, on the other hand, you lied to me. For months. You manipulated me, made me feel like an asshole for hurting you. And this whole time, you were playing me. I think I’m owed some groveling now.”

Buck pouts and says, “My feelings were never a lie. I’ve been in love with you for years and I was getting desperate. You know, desperate measures and all.” His lips turn up a little and he wraps an arm around Eddie’s waist, tugging him close. “I’m so sorry, Eddie. Please don’t be mad at me. After all, I am the love of your life.”

Eddie grins and leans close, pressing their lips together for a gentle kiss.

“Yeah, you really are.”

Fin.

#911 #911 Fox #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #Buddie #Buddie fic #my fics #I loved writing this so much

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lovecolibri · 3 years ago

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SaL anon here and since we had a moving on theme going earlier, let's continue that by talking about Three. So while the lyrics here have a bit more of an Alex feel and him living up to his father's expectations, I feel like the song easily applies to Michael too, and him living up to his town drunk persona. Again, it's a song I want to see for them is S3 to move on from those images. Among many is one of SaL best lines "my greatest failures on display with an asterisk worthy of love anyway".

Sleeping at Last Anon, my beloved! Sorry for the delayed reply. My niece was here for a few days and at 4 years old (going on 14 I swear) she has more energy than any human being has a right to! But I am here now and just in my feels about Alex, and Michael, but also Kyle and Liz a little bit too. (Please don’t ask me about how I feel about this song in relation to Evan Buckely or Eddie Diaz because I absolutely cannot with those feels right now 😭😭😭) This is one of my favorite of the Enneagram songs (I definitely have more of a 5 wing than a 3 wing, but there are lines in this one that hit particularly hard) so I’m very excited to talk about it!

So this song really hits on the “I tried so hard to live up to XYZ but it was never enough but I’ve learned that it’s okay” feels which is what made me think of Liz and Kyle, both trying to be The Best Child to see if that eased the burden on their parents that they saw struggling. It actually also hits a bit on Isobel too now that I think about it, always trying to blend in and be the Ideal Human Woman. Uuuuugh, this song is just a great song and so perfect for character growth which is why it fits so well with everyone.

But focusing back on Alex and Michael, these first two verses make me think of teen Michael, being so so smart at school and good with his hands and that still not being enough for a loving family to want him, and Alex rising through the military ranks and being awarded medals and his dad still hating him, and them finding in each other some of the acceptance they didn’t find anywhere else.

maybe i’ve done enough, and your golden child grew up. maybe this trophy isn’t real love- and with or without it, i’m good enough.

maybe i’ve done enough, finally catching up. for the first time i see an image of my brokenness utterly worthy of love. maybe i’ve done enough.

I am in paiiiin thinking about the first time Michael and Alex showed some of their ugly, broken sides to each other and were still loved. 😭😭😭

i finally see myself. through the eyes of no one else. it’s so exhausting on this silver screen where i play the role of anyone but me.

Oof, oof, oof. This is Michael as the town drunk who his sister questions if there is anyone he would risk everything to save. This is Alex, living under DADT and being a Manes Man. When we know these two just wanted to go to school, and make music, and build a life and a family together. These two who are so soft and gentle when they are allowed to drop the pretenses.

i finally see myself. unabridged and overwhelmed, a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell, but i’m slowly learning how to break this spell. and i finally see myself.

The story of self-love and acceptance in this song is just *chef’s kiss*. I love the imagery here of “unabridged and overwhelmed, a mess of a story i’m ashamed to tell” it just gets me every time. This is such a mood for season 3 Michael and Alex and their growth as people and learning to accept themselves.

now i only want what’s real- to let my heart feel what it feels. gold, silver or bronze hold no value here, where work and rest are equally revered.

i only want what's real- i set aside the highlight reel, and leave my greatest failures on display with an asterisk worthy of love anyway

*sobs into pillow* Thinking that line “where work and rest are equally revered” and about Alex working himself to the bone digging into what his dad is doing, and the Caulfield, and then resurrecting Max, and then more Caulfield, and then Tripp and all the threads there, and about Michael staying up all night trying to find the pieces of a ship that could bring him home, and trying to figure out what the pods are made of and how they work, and trying to save Isobel, and then Max, and how both Alex and Michael seem to think if they are not doing then they are worthless. Thinking about them wanting something real because they have been hiding some part of themselves their whole lives. Thinking about them putting their greatest failures on display and knowing they are worth of love anyway (Sidebar, I’ve also got Buck saying “Love me anyway” on a loop in my head and it’s killing me). You’re correct, that line is absolutely one of his best and that’s saying something because he has a lot of good lines. But for sheer emotional power, that one is up there.

This song is so musically simple sounding which really brings the lyrics to the forefront. It has a lovely swell in the middle but that gut-punch of an ending line only having the piano is just so so perfect. Thanks for picking this one and giving me a reason to listen to it and cry a little. Season 3 needs to give us so Malex learning to love themselves!

youtube

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #roswell nm #malex #alex manes #michael guerin #sleeping at last #three #don't mind me i'm just losing it in my feeling today #also don't @ me people you knew this was going to veer into talking about evan buckley #i can't help it!#if anyone needs to hear this song it's him #brb i'm going to go cry now

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inawickedlittletown · 4 years ago

Text

I’m With You (21/22)

Summary:

Having a crush was nothing to be ashamed of…lying to the family and friends of said crush about being the guy’s boyfriend, that was a whole other problem. When Buck saves the life of Andrew Diaz and accidentally makes a nurse think that he’s Andrew’s boyfriend, Buck soon finds himself lying to Andrew’s firefighter friends/coworkers as well as Andrew’s family including Andrew’s very suspicious and attractive brother, Eddie.

Based on the 1995 movie While You Were Sleeping.

Words: 3,356

Read on Ao3

Masterpost

Previous Chapter

–

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that Andrew explained what he meant when he said he was leaving. Apparently, it was because he’d been offered a job on a wildland firefighter crew. Eddie knew at once that their mom was not going to love hearing that, but he could also see how much Andrew wanted to do it and so he would do it no matter what anyone said.

“You’re crazy, you know that,” Eddie said.

Andrew shrugged. “One of Josh’s friends is a smokejumper and I just...as much as I love what I do now, that has some appeal for me, you know?”

“No, I don’t,” Eddie said. “Have you told mom and dad yet?”

“No,” Andrew admitted. “Mom wouldn’t understand.”

“I can’t say that I understand,” Eddie said.

Andrew just shrugged him off. “It’ll be a few more weeks. I’m gonna go visit them and let them know. But, Eddie, I’m doing this. Anyway, how’s the dog doing?”

“Legolas is doing fine. Christopher loves having him around. I keep meaning to say thank you. And it’s lucky that Carla likes him too. He’s really well trained.”

Eddie hadn’t been too sure about taking Legolas in not because he didn’t like the dog or because he was worried about how Christopher would deal with it, but because Eddie knew his work schedule on top of Christopher’s schedule meant he wasn’t home enough to watch the dog. Or to walk him. He hadn’t been sure that Carla would welcome the new addition to his house, too, but she loved Legolas. And then past all of those reasons, there was the Buck of it all. Buck had loved Legolas and any memory that Eddie had of the dog was attached to Buck.

“That’s good,” Andrew said. “And have you considered talking to Buck?”

Andrew brought it up every single time they talked. Eddie ignored it.

“Eddie, come on.”

“I did talk to him,” Eddie said. “Remember. And that’s that.”

Andrew didn’t push. Eddie was sure that soon he would stop asking and Eddie just wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. It wasn’t that he wasn’t angry anymore, it was that he missed him. He had known Buck for merely a few weeks, but he’d carved a space in Eddie’s heart and he’d taken that piece with him and Eddie hated him for it. He hated him for all the guilt that he’d made Eddie feel and for how Eddie couldn’t in his own mind figure out how much of everything had been lies or almost lies. Mostly, his mind always went back to the kiss. Buck had kissed him back.

It was no indication that Buck felt anything at all for Eddie, but Eddie did think that it was more likely that Buck did feel something than not. None of that meant that Eddie could actually make himself call or text Buck.

He did spend a lot of time wondering about how Buck was and how things were going with his sister. Once, Eddie had even driven all the way over to Coffee Time, but he hadn’t even gotten out of his car.

Sometimes, Eddie just hoped to run into him so that meeting him was out of his control and it could happen. The universe was just not that interested in helping Eddie out like that. For a while, Eddie had hoped that maybe Andrew would force the issue and make Eddie somehow see Buck again, but that didn’t happen either.

So, Eddie focused on Christopher and on Legolas. He visited abuela and Pepa. He hung out with his friends, and he did his job, and he prepared himself for the day when his brother wouldn’t be with him in the ladder truck.

—

Maddie was well aware that she had showed up in her brother’s life and made a mess of things for him. Buck had always been resilient though, so she wasn’t too surprised when Buck didn’t hold it against her and his mood improved until one day he showed her his application for the Fire Academy.

At first Maddie had wondered if that was a good idea and if Buck really did want that, but it became pretty clear to her that it was. Especially once Maddie met Josh because Josh could fill in the blanks that Buck hadn’t. He told her all about Buck’s quick reactions in emergencies and about the day that Buck had spent babysitting Christopher.

“He’s quick on his feet and physically...I mean, I have eyes, Maddie.”

Maddie liked Josh. He was sweet and funny and exactly the kind of person that she needed in her life. He also seemed to care about Buck a great deal which meant that Maddie appreciated him even more. Josh was the last tie to the Diaz brothers seeing as Buck wasn’t talking to anyone else that tried to reach out to him. In part, it was because of her. Josh was instrumental to getting Maddie her new job. It wasn’t an easy job and Maddie never could have imagined being a 9-1-1 dispatcher and yet it was a different way to help people and it kept her relatively anonymous which suited her situation well.

Maddie was not at all surprised when Buck got accepted into the training program. She did worry about his reasons for wanting to pursue a career that might bring him closer to the people that he wanted to avoid, but Maddie also knew that she needed to let him make his own choices. It was partly for that reason that Maddie also started to search for a place of her own.

Buck’s apartment was nice. Much nicer than Maddie could have expected when she first arrived, but it also only had the one bedroom up on the loft and while Buck’s sofa turned out to be really comfortable, Maddie also needed to have her own space.

Buck went apartment hunting with her the first few times she started looking, always trying to push Maddie into finding a new apartment for the two of them instead. Eventually, she made him stop following her around. It was on one of those days when she was on her own that Maddie ran into Eddie Diaz.

Maddie didn’t even recognize him at first. After all, she’d seen the guy all of once and there had been other things for Maddie to worry over at the time. Eddie did recognize her.

“Hi. Maddie, right? Buck’s sister?”

“Eddie?” Maddie asked. “Or is it Andrew?” She was looking at the dog attached to a leash that was currently lifting his leg against a pole. The dog belonged to the fake boyfriend right?

“Eddie,” Eddie said. “How...how are you?”

“Good. Thanks for asking. And you?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie said. “Just taking this guy out on a walk. Uh, how is — is Buck doing alright?”

Maddie didn’t know how to answer. Her brother was resilient. He was strong. He was probably the strongest person that Maddie knew. He was also floundering a bit even while he found his professional passion.

“He’s okay,” she settled on.

Eddie’s brow creased into a frown and his eyes shone with concern. Eddie really was handsome and that was so indicative to why Buck had liked him. Did like him? Maddie really didn’t know what Buck felt about the whole thing. He didn’t really want to talk about it and the last thing that Maddie wanted to do was to bother him and pester him to talk about anything he didn’t want to talk about.

“I’m glad that he has you,” Eddie said. “He, um, he was really lonely. Missed you a lot.”

“Buck talked about me?” Maddie asked.

Eddie gave a short nod. “We all wondered where his family was...why he was so alone. He told me about you and how he hadn’t seen or heard from you in years.”

There was an accusation in his words and he was watching her. The dog sat down at his side without much bother to complain about the pause in his walk.

“I think that’s my business, don’t you?” Maddie asked. “I mean, considering that you haven’t tried to talk to my brother since all of that went down. He doesn’t say it, but I’m pretty sure he misses you. All of your family. From what I can tell, it’s why he kept up that lie for so long and why it was so hard for him to tell you all.”

Eddie looked all at once like he’d been punched, but also like he was ready to do some of the punching as well.

“Buck isn’t answering Chim or Hen. I think even Athena tried to call him,” Eddie said in a low tone. “And I’m sure he won’t answer if I try either. I guess you Buckley’s are practiced at that, though. You screened his calls for years.”

Maddie didn’t know what to say. In all actuality, she didn’t know Eddie very well. Or, at all. He was just the guy that his brother had become friends with and that he’d lied to about dating his brother. The whole thing was complicated and only made worse by the knowledge that Buck had bonded with these people. He’d allowed them in and told them things about his life. About her. He had to be hurting more than he’d allowed Maddie to see and not just about the loss of these people he’d grown to care for, but because Maddie had abandoned him. She left him.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie said and he touched her elbow. “I’m not handling a lot of this well. I just mean that when we talked about you he was always really sad. And you’re obviously here and I’m glad. I’m so glad he’s not on his own anymore. But I also know him well enough to know that he probably hasn’t told you about how he felt not being able to reach you.”

“You care about him,” Maddie said.

Eddie shrugged his shoulders. “That isn’t the point,” he said and then, “I have to go.”

He walked away and Maddie was left wondering why men had to be so stubborn.

—

Some aspects of his training were easier and others harder, but Buck loved everything about the Fire Academy. It did remind him a little bit of his Navy Seals training, but it was different too. By the end of each day, he was exhausted in a way that meant Buck’s mind could stop thinking about Eddie. Eventually, his thoughts did go back to him and to the last time that he saw him at Coffee Time and mostly it meant that Buck could replay their conversation and come up with all the ways in which it could have gone differently. All of them ended with them on better terms. Friends. Maybe more. Often he thought about how it could have been more.

A few weeks into training, Buck had just finished his day and gone to pick up some groceries when he ran into Chimney.

“Buck!” Chim said and hugged him before Buck could move. “It’s been so long! And look at you, you’re looking good. How are you?”

“I’m — I’m good. You?” Buck asked and he felt a bit awkward because of course he’d been ignoring Chim’s texts.

It was mostly to do with how Buck just didn’t know what to say or how he was supposed to keep Chimney as a friend and not constantly want to know about the rest. He wondered about Pepa and Isabel all the time. He worried about the 118 and the kind of scrapes they might get into on calls. Once, he thought that he saw Athena when he drove by a police car, but it was his eyes tricking him.

“I’m good. We’re all good,” Chimney said. “I do wish you would have answered my texts. But, I get it.”

“You do?” Buck asked. The last thing he’d expected was for Chimney to not be upset with him.

“Of course. None of that was easy for you. And what are you up to now?”

A part of Buck didn’t want to tell him, but he’d done enough lying. So he smiled some. “Actually, I made it into the fire academy.” He avoided looking at Chim directly as he said.

“What? That’s...Buck, that’s amazing,” Chimney said and clapped him on the shoulder, his face lit up in such a genuine manner that Buck was glad to have told him and to have Chim’s support. It reminded him of how good of a friend Chimney really was.

“It’s going well,” Buck said. “I think it’s...it’s what I’m supposed to do. And how is...how is everyone?”

He almost asked about Eddie directly. He did want to know about everyone, but it was Eddie that he wondered about.

“They’re great. Hen is going to be jealous I got to see you. She’s not upset, you know. None of them are. They’d like to see you, I think.”

“Not Eddie,” Buck said.

Chimney tried to hide a grimace. “I’m sure he’d want to see you,” he said. “He’s been...well, Andrew says he’s being a stubborn child.”

Buck laughed at that. “How is Andrew? Is he doing okay?”

“He has all his memories back,” Chimney said.

By the time that Buck and Chim went their own ways, Chimney had gotten Buck to promise that they could do dinner soon. Chimney even went as far as to invite Maddie along.

“I mean...what else could she possibly have to yell out about you that I don’t already know?” Chim said.

“Sure. And invite Hen. Karen too, if you want. I — I do want to see them again. I’ve missed them. Everyone, really.”

That was how just a week later, Buck found himself in his car with Maddie, driving over to Chimney’s apartment. Maddie was telling him about the apartment that she’d finally settled on and as glad as Buck was to know that his sister was going to be staying, he also wasn’t looking forward to not having her around at his apartment all the time.

“So which one was Chim again?” Maddie asked when Buck had parked. “And what kind of name is that anyway?”

“Nickname. His real name is Howie,” Buck said.

It wasn’t Chimney that opened the door when Buck knocked, though. It was Andrew, his smile wide and with that twist of mischief. He pulled Buck into a tight hug the moment he saw him.

“I won’t kiss you this time, don’t worry,” Andrew said before he let him go and Buck couldn’t help but laugh.

“I didn’t expect to see you,” Buck said.

“Well, I’ve been expecting you,” Andrew said. “Kinda a change for us, isn’t it? Anyway, come in come in. And, Maddie. Hello, I hope you brought your inside voice.”

Buck almost laughed when he saw that Maddie’s cheeks had gained some color at that comment. Instead, he steered Maddie inside and Andrew just shrugged when Buck glanced at him. Buck hadn’t managed to step much farther before Hen was standing in front of him. She didn’t hug him or say anything, instead she punched his shoulder.

“Did your phone get destroyed in an earthquake again?” she asked.

“Ah...no. I didn’t—”

“You’re an idiot,” Hen said and then hugged him.

Chimney showed up, then with Karen behind him. “Well, come on everyone. Dinner is ready.”

“By which he means that he managed to take all the food out of the take out containers,” Andrew said with a nudge at Buck.

“From what I hear, you’re not much better in the kitchen,” Buck said.

Andrew raised an eyebrow. There were parts about Andrew that reminded Buck of Eddie, but it didn’t hurt like he’d thought that it would, to see Andrew.

“So, I said something once about you making me dinner,” Buck said.

“And how did you get out of that lie?” Andrew asked.

They walked into the dinning room. Maddie had already sat down with Chimney and they seemed to be getting along.

“I, um, I think I acted like I was shocked that you would lie about your cooking skills,” Buck said.

“Of course,” Andrew said and he stopped Buck before he went to sit. “Buck, I want to hear everything. How all of that was for you. How it happened. All of it.”

Buck froze. He didn’t know if he’d ever expected for Andrew to ask about it so point blank.

“I don’t — I’m not mad. I guess I just want to know more. If you’re willing to tell me.”

“Yeah,” Buck said. “Yeah, sure.”

“Cool.”

Buck sat down in the seat next to his sister and Andrew sat across from him. Karen called his attention from next to Andrew and Buck remembered how he’d always really liked Karen as she started asking about how his training was going.

“You told them,” Buck said.

Chimney shrugged. “They asked about you.”

“And I think that I get to take some credit for you doing this. Don’t I?” Andrew said with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Buck nodded at him. “I guess you kind of do,” Buck said. In all reality, he owed Andrew a lot. Without Andrew and his penchant for buying coffee almost every day, Buck would have never met any of these people — he wouldn’t have met Eddie.

“I’m glad you’re doing it,” Andrew said.

“I am too,” Buck said but turned back to Karen. “How’s Denny? Where is Denny?”

“He’s over at Athena and Bobby’s,” Hen said. “Hanging out with Harry.”

Buck nodded. He was sort of glad that Athena and Bobby weren’t there. It was easier with Hen and Chim. Athena was intimidating and in some ways so was Bobby. Buck had no idea how they’d reacted to learning about all the lies Buck had told.

“You might end up being a good replacement for this guy,” Chim said as everyone started to dig into their food.

Buck paused mid-chew, but quickly finished chewing and swallowed. “What does that mean?” He looked to Chimney first, but then his gaze went to Andrew.

“I’m transferring to the Smoke Jumpers,” Andrew said.

“What’s that?” Maddie asked.

“Wildland firefighter,” Buck said with just a touch of awe.

“I’ve been planning this for a while,” Andrew admitted. “Before the accident even.”

Buck nodded and he returned his attention to his food. Around him other topics of conversation started being picked up. Chim was telling Buck about his own experience in the fire academy while Maddie was telling Karen about her new job at dispatch. Buck was glad that Maddie liked it so much and that she was sticking around.

“I’m glad you have her,” Andrew said with a motion at Maddie. “You know, when I first found out you were lying to me, I was angry. And then Chimney told me about how alone you were and why this all happened and I could tell once I got to talk to you. And then, well, I figured messing with you a little was the least I could do.”

“Of course,” Buck said.

“And messing with my brother was fun too,” Andrew said.

Andrew fixed him with a long look then, a knowing one that told Buck that Andrew knew everything. Or maybe not everything, but that he had some idea about what had happened with him and Eddie.

“How is he?” Buck asked.

“Stubborn mostly,” Andrew said. “But he misses you, Buck.”

Buck didn’t want to admit to Andrew how much he missed Eddie, too. How much he wished that things could be different between them.

“And I think you’re being a little bit stubborn too,” Andrew said and he quirked an eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t even know what to say,” Buck whispered. “Last time I saw him...it didn’t go so well.”

But he missed him and he wished that being around Chimney and Hen and Andrew and even Karen didn’t make him wish that Eddie was there too.

–

Next Chapter

Notes: Just one more chapter left. I can’t even believe it. Please let me know what you all thought about it!

Tagging: @tranquility-or-chaos @diazbuckleysworld @stilesgivesmefeels

#911 fox #911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #buck x eddie #911 fox fic #fic #my fic #I'm With You

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happymeishappylife · 4 years ago

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DC CW Shows

I finally caught up on all the DC Universe shows. Quite an accomplishment for me considering I was 2 seasons behind. It feels good to finally get caught up to speed, but some of them are starting to feel like chores getting through them, rather than fun entertainment. A concern that gets amplified by the fact that the producers want to add on 2 more shows to the line up. So I felt like it was a good idea to breakdown my thoughts on each of the shows and what I liked/didn’t like. Plus then I will break down my thoughts on Crisis, because I have a lot of them. I’ll also rank these as I go as far as which ones I liked best, beginning with least to best. So let’s begin:

#7 - The Flash

I used to love this show so much. The first two seasons were a lot of fun and I loved all the characters so much. Thanks to the writing though, I can’t honestly say I don’t like this show much at all anymore and that’s kinda sad. Part of the reason is it became soooo angsty. Like the reason The Flash was great, was it was the antithesis to the angst on Arrow which made it so refreshing to watch. Now it’s like everyone must suffer some sort of pain over the tiniest things or worse, they become entrapped in characters and situations like its been haunting them for years when it only got introduced a couple episodes ago. At this point the only characters I care about are Caitlyn/Frost, Joe and Cecile West, Wally (when he’s on, which is like never), and Ralph. And that’s painful that Hartley won’t be returning to fill that role anymore because he was the only one who still could joke and laugh around like old Team Flash.

Season 5: Overall season 5 had a pretty solid storyline despite some of the angsty writing. After a while though I got pretty sick of fighting Chicada over and over again, especially Grace’s version. My one big pet peeve with it though was the relationship of Nora to Barry and Iris. I’m sorry. I can’t honestly picture any 20-30 something meeting their adult daughter and automatically assuming the role of an actual parent and treating her like a preteen. That always felt super weird and uncomfortable. Not to mention it happened almost automatically with little to no hang ups on ‘is this really our kid? Should we trust her?’ Plus then it created angst between Barry and Iris which I’m really over at this point in the series because their relationship was never my favorite to begin with.

Season 6: A hot mess. Granted, because of Crisis and Covid-19, the season probably didn’t get a fair chance to play out to it’s full potential. But cutting the season into two arcs didn’t do it any justice. Especially because instead of having character growth, I felt like a lot of the characters regressed. Take Barry for instance. The whole first part of the season is him prepping/training the team to take over for him after Crisis since he believes he is going to die. Only when he doesn’t, he assumes the role of leader still without actually leading. He stops telling his team members key details and putting aside the fact he killed the speed force, he stopped being a hero. The whole fight scene with Mirror-Iris, was so bizarre to watch. Yes, Barry would never hurt the real Iris, but she’s not and instead he just stands there and gets stabbed over and over, crying at the end that she’s not there. It’s really hard to watch.

#6 - Arrow

Arrow used to be in my top 3 slots as last I left it. The storylines were still on point. But leading up to Crisis and the show ending, there were some things that worked for me and some that didn’t. Still, kudos to the team for standing their ground and saying that we’ve told all we can tell, let’s put this show to bed and give it a close it deserves. It made the ending super emotional, but at the same time satisfying despite, Oliver’s death in the universe. My only complaint is the fact that the producers can’t put it fully to bed and now want to reboot Arrow all over again with Mia and the canaries. Don’t get me wrong watching strong women take more of the leading roles is awesome, but not to tell and retell the same storylines.

Season 7: The first half of the season when Oliver was in Iron Heights was not my favorite. Mainly because as it continues to develop it was like all the reasons he got put in Iron Heights to begin with no longer mattered. Diaz is still on the lose, he’s still playing his games in prison, and really what was the point? Now the second half of the season where we focus on his rehabilitation into society and working with the SCPD to track and take down his sister Emiko, was actually good. Too bad it got horribly overshadowed by a time travel flash-forward storyline to introduce and make us care about Mia.

Season 8: Obviously this season was the closeout season and the season leading up to Crisis. But I liked the way they treated it. They gave cameo spots and guest starring spots to former faces like Thea (she’s still freaking awesome), Tommy, Moira, and even Merlyn came back. My only complaint was that all of sudden we did have another time travel situation on our hands to meet our future kids. Thankfully I felt Arrow overall took that development better than the Flash, which since that was only a couple episodes and not a season, says something about the writing. Plus the post-Crisis pilot for the Green Arrow and Canaries felt a little out of place given everything that happened and a little insulting.

#5 - Supergirl

There’s parts of Supergirl I still absolutely love to pieces and the writing that are still doing it the justice that started the show by telling storylines of not only heroism, but commentary on today’s events to help push for progress. I love the whole cast of characters and think the acting has been great. My only complaint is with Season 5 and the fact that the show is beginning to find its tipping point of being less than stellar. I mean, I still enjoy it, but it’s beginning to show its where and tear so I’m worried what’s going to happen as it continues forward. Especially as it gets hyperfixated on Lex Luthor, who don’t get me wrong is a fabulous villain, but isn’t that Superman’s arch nemesis, not Supergirl’s?

Season 4: What a great commentary to tell throughout the season that parallels the feelings and conversations being had about immigration in our own world. I thought the idea of the Alien Amnesty Act squaring off against Ben Lockwood and his Agents of Liberty was not only great commentary but great story telling. I also loved that we got to introduce Nia Nall into the series because she’s fantastic and has become one of my favorite characters. I even love the twist reveal of how Ben Lockwood isn’t the enemy, it’s really Lex Luthor and his communist Supergirl clone. Plus Jon Crier plays an amazing Lex Luthor.

Season 5: Don’t get me wrong, the stakes and the storylines with Leviathan and Obsidian North, I do think are important and worth telling, but they detracted from the main storyline that developed at the end of last season which was Lena and Kara’s new relationship. Yes, it was still hit on and explored, but by far that was the storyline I was interested in seeing the most, not Ramah Khan or Virtual Reality horror stories. Also, while I like Lex, thanks to his antics during Crisis, the second half of the season felt hijacked and became this witch hunt. Don’t get me wrong, I can’t wait to see what he and Lillian are doing, but I wish it played out more in the shadows and less of the actual screen time. I’m also glad Lena is back on Kara’s side again. But Brainy better not be dead! He’s one of my favorites even if his motives during this season were hard to watch.

#4 - Batwoman

I actually really, really, really liked Batwoman’s first season. Getting to know the badass that is Kate Kane and watch the horror’s of Gotham play out week to week was such a refreshing change of pace. After all, The Flash and Supergirl are undeniably heroes and must carry those burdens(?) as they fight for truth and justice. And Oliver was a vigilante, but while he took down drug lords, weapons dealers, etc. the stakes of being a vigilante in Star City is nothing compared to wearing the cape in Gotham. I loved the cast and seeing the stories play out of their past and how they connect to each other and also how some of them discover who Batwoman is, was fantastic. Even as creepy as Alice is, I enjoyed seeing the performance of the completely unhinged and psychotic villain take the stage to play out her twisted fantasies. I also appreciate the openness that Kate brought to being an out and proud lesbian, even revealing her super identity to a teenager to prove that it does get better and lesbians can be awesome is super freaking powerful. I even like that with the shortened season, it didn’t feel like we got robbed of an awesome storyline, but now we get to why this ranks fourth on my list instead of higher: Ruby Rose left the show and we get a whole new Batwoman. I get that this is out of the hands of the producers and the writers and I am super sad to see her go. But its hard not to feel like we lost a whole season of introduction and development to just reset and begin again. I’m not sure how they will handle it, but I do hope that a lot of the cast stays and stays in their roles. Especially Luke and Mary who are a great team. Mary is also like my all time, instant-favorite character because not only is she super wicked smart, but she has so much humanity in her so I hope she still continues on the show.

#3 - Stargirl

Yes, yes, this show is still airing which is why I can’t speak to the overall season arc in finality yet, but I absolutely have been loving this first season. Again, what a refreshing new reality to step into and what a great new storyline to pursue. This rag-tag group of teenagers becoming the new Justice Society of America is a fun telling and already, the stakes of the Injustice Society are so high! Like I was expecting that it was going to be like the other shows where slowly by slowly we meet all the bad guys in different seasons, but instead it feels a little flipped since we don’t have all our new heroes on the stage yet. Still I love Courtney and her relationship with Pat as she discovers these secrets of his past and their new home of Blue Valley. I love her recruiting reasoning to bring Yolanda and Rick into this crazy plan and even her acceptance of Beth becoming the new Doctor Midnight. Plus, the show keeps surprising me because on one hand, giving these teenagers these powers to help them redeem their self esteem is a great storyline, which is why I was expecting them to force us to like Cindy since the beginning of that episode was leading up to maybe becoming friends with her, but no. Turns out she is the super bitch and super villain of the show and that’s kinda awesome. Also I like how because their teenagers, their secret identities aren’t really that secret, which makes it’s kinda fun, but also dangerous. We’ll see how the last 3 episodes play out, but I can’t wait.

#2 - Black Lightening

Talk about real gritty, dark, and powerful storytelling. I enjoyed the first season, but these last two have been a real punch in the gut in good ways and the writers have been outdoing themselves to provide heartfelt, real, honest emotions and discussions to the world of superheroes, compared to the other shows. And it’s hard, but the gruesome nature of the show also highlights some of the real struggles going on in the Freeland Community which of course highlights the issues in our own world around the Black Community. The whole spinal chord ripping scene will haunt me forever and not only because they keep replaying it, but because of how insane that was. The cast is also great and I love that at the end of Season 3, it’s not just a family of super heroes, but a group of powerful metas squaring off against the government and the most dangerous threat of all so far: Gravedigger. Gives me goose bumps just thinking about it.

Season 2: Now that the whole family knows the stakes of what they have gotten themselves into with Tobias and revealing the girls have power, I love the way we got introduced to the ASA and the pod kids as a menial threat while still struggling to take down the perceived ‘bigger threat’ that is Tobias. Jennifer also having trouble coming to terms with her powers and how to use them I think was a great way to explore that not everyone wants to be a superhero, especially in antithesis to Nyssa who is a full on badass as Thunder and Blackbird. Watching Khalil’s story in this go from obedient lap dog to a runaway and finally a victim of Tobias’ violence was hard, but I felt was justified throughout and made him that character you want to root for, even when not everything he’s done has been great.

Season 3: What a harsh turn of direction. A full on occupation of Freeland, house arrest, killings on the street, and an underground railroad of metas or suspected metas completely changed the tune of this show. Watching each of the Peirces struggle to find out who the ASA is, what their doing, if their actions are justified and if the Marcovian threat was real was really fascinating to watch. The showdown with the Marcovians too with a whole team behind them was also a nice change of pace, even if their mission didn’t end the way they expected. I think the amplified stakes though of what happened and what’s to come will continue to develop into an incredible show, minus one now big problem I have, but I will detail that out below when we talk about Crisis.

#1 - Legends of Tomorrow

You can fight me, but Legends of Tomorrow is the best goddamn shown on this network for one simple fact: They don’t take themselves seriously. There is no real angst and because of that it makes the adventures so fun and so hilarious that its such a great break from all of the other shows. Plus, because they keep swapping new and old cast members into the show, it always feels new. Kinda that Doctor Who spirit, which I love. That and because there are hardly any rules to a time travelling group of heroes who don’t really want to be heroes, you get ridiculously themed episodes like Bollywood Musical or TV Crossovers. It is what makes the show a total blast.

Season 4: As the team gears up to track down magical creatures throughout history, you get the introduction of permanent team member, John Constantine who I freaking love for his cool, aloof character and yet sarcastic and sassy contrast to the sunshine and bro-squad that is Ray and Nate. I also love that the season not only was about capturing these magical creatures, but fully rehabilitating Norah Dhark into a good guy now accidentally turned fairy godmother. To be honest, I definitely did not see that one coming. I like that fighting the demon lord also helped transition the show from Season 4 to 5 to fight hell spawn creatures. Quite a leap from the original Legends concept, but again that’s what makes this show so fresh.

Season 5: Part of the other fun of Legends is getting to see old characters get reinvented. I loved the storyline with Charlie and her reveal to be Clothos, one of the 3 fate sisters and the reason the ancient loom got destroyed. I also loved Tala Ashe’s portrayal of Zari in a different timeline because the difference between tech-geek, super smart Zari and social influencer extraordinaire Zari were well done. Plus we got another awesome bro-squad member in Behrad who I hope sticks around for a while. The only bummer was saying goodbye to Ray Palmer. Ray has been one of my favorite characters in the Arrow-verse and seeing his exit was sad and partly because I think it could have been handled better. Like don’t get me wrong, seeing him have to get approval from Damian Dhark to marry Nora was entertaining and I’m glad he isn’t dead like Dr. Stein or Leonard Snart, but I just feel like the exit was a bit rushed. The good news is, it opens the door for Ray to return and I hope we get to seem in the future.

Alright...... To end this long spiel, let’s talk about Crisis on Infinite Earths and what that now means for all these shows. Because unfortunately.... it can’t be ignored. And I’m sorry to sound pessimistic, but to be honest, Crisis wasn’t my favorite story and was too hyped for the end result.

The only show who came out better for Crisis, in my opinion, was Arrow. Mainly because the story of Oliver’s last sacrifice to reboot the universe was the only one that made complete sense and doesn’t complicate the show after it happens. Granted it could be because it was used as the show’s exit, but still. I used to love crossover episodes and getting the whole team together, but now because there is soooo much going on in each show and such a large cast, these big multi-night and multi-universe shows just feel scattered because you are constantly hopping around and between each of the characters and all the individual storylines don’t matter. Like remember when Barry and Oliver would actually talk about what they were up against? Miss that. That and Oliver, Barry, and Kara stole the show even when it was other shows turn to shine. Like Kate was hardly in it, even in her own episode and the Legends weren’t in it at all. It was just Sara and Ray which was disappointing because as Crisis was their season opener, you missed a real chance to have the Legends save the day. Don’t get my wrong, there were some great moments during crisis and I liked the nod to past versions of the DC characters, including Brandon Routh getting to play Superman again, but overall it just made chaos for things that don’t make sense post-crisis.

Like yay, all our favorite heroes are in one place and created the justice league to help each other, but once Crisis is over, nope sorry, no one can be bothered to borrow a hero friend. Like that makes sense for some shows, Batwoman for instance isn’t that close to everyone and her storyline is so rooted in her own family drama, that ignoring the other supers made sense. The Flash’s stakes weren’t high enough to involve anyone else, so fine. And Legends of course travel through time and so aren’t around, fine. But Supergirl’s takedown of a longstanding secret group of people capable of bending Earth’s elements to create catastrophic events, isn’t enough to at least reach out to Cisco or Luke for help tracking them? That seems underwhelming. Plus where are the aliens in all the other cities now? Or the metas in National City? That’s a pet peeve, but more so because of the biggest twist in Crisis:

Pulling Black Lightening into the Arrowverse. Like the shows writers and producers, I think Black Lightening works better outside the Arrowverse which was the intent and goal from the get go. Pulling Jefferson Pierce’s family and world into the same Earth as all the other shows, no longer makes the shows storytelling as strong and maybe it was because this was a last minute decision, but there is just no justification post Crisis as to why they had to come in. I mean, The Flash and Black Lightening have metas related issues, you would think that alone would be a prime source of teaming up. Especially when Cisco goes out on a worldwide quest to document metas, you’re telling me skipped over Freeland? And where’s our favorite Kyrptonian to fight for truth, justice, and the American way as Freeland is being occupied by the ASA? Oh, what too busy going after Lex Luthor? Sorry, I’m not buying that Kara Danvers ignores racial injustice. Like I get that maybe it was a way to be able to use Black Lightening later in cross-over events, but the fallout from bringing them in this season with everything going on is a huge mistake in my opinion. And heck, having shows exist outside each other is probably a good thing. Too many and these crossover events don’t feel fun anymore, they just feel chaotic. I think I’m with the Legends on this one: the crossovers aren’t worth it anymore.

#cw dc universe #thoughts #reactions #legends of tomorrow #black lightening #stargirl #batwoman #supergirl #arrow #the flash #crisis on infinite earths

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marvel-medigeek-fics · 5 years ago

Text

Give Me a Miracle

—part 1—

••notes at the end••

Maddie was no match for an assault rifle. She hung up the phone, telling Howie she loved him in those words for the first time. But she looked around. Josh is more panicked than she is. Oh. Shit.

Linda and a few others are crying, and that’s met with nothing more a few hisses of “Shut up!” There is nothing they can do. How ironic that 9-1-1 can’t call 9-1-1.

“This is how this is going to work. Listen up! You are under us now. There is no way out. And if you don’t listen, you know what’s coming.” He pauses and grins, mad with power.

“You are hostages now. This is gonna be fun.”

A few minutes later, the entire floor has their hands tied. Literally. Maddie sneaks a glance over to Josh, who is stone faced. The bruising looks like it went back to the original night. Sue is calm, she always is. But behind her eyes is something she never shows: anger. Most of the dispatchers look like Sue does: ready to fight. The others look terrified.

‘Is this for ransom? Why isn’t there anyone here?’ Maddie thinks to herself. ‘This is a hostage situation. They can’t directly engage.’ She reasons with herself. There’s no sense in spinning out.

The mood is tense. And silent. No one talks. No one even breathes. And no one moves. The officers, are they even real?, walk around a little, watching for direction from Foster, as he introduced himself earlier.

Somebody yells something, Maddie doesn’t catch what, but then she hears the gun fire. Maddie hates that sound, but she hates more the fact that she can’t help. That’s why she’s here and now she can’t even do that.

—

The news is up loud at Station 118. But it’s nothing interesting. The whole team is relaxing after a little bit of a miracle on their last call. Miracles don’t happen that often in real life, which makes them all the sweeter.

They haven’t had a second to breathe since the shift started, so they each are savoring the down time. But it’s LA, and nothing boring ever last for long.

“This just in, there are reports of gunshots at this 9-1-1 call center. Police scanners indicate a hostage situation.” The newscaster says.

Chim drops the bowl he was holding. All eyes are glued to the screen. “We are being told the hostage situation is occurring at Dispatch Center 3.”

“Oh. Shit.” Eddie says.

“Maddie.” Buck and Chim say at the same time.

The tow have completely different reactions. Buck’s is to run to the scene, but he is tackled by Eddie before he can make it to the stairs. Chim, on the other hand, stares at the screen and then at his phone.

“Maddie.” They both say at the same time from opposite ends of the room.

“No, you cannot go to an active hostage situation, Buck. Good call with the tackle.” Bobby says.

“But..” Buck says from the floor, his arm still held by Eddie, who looks madder than Buck does somehow.

“No.” Bobby’s voice is concrete and everybody knows, he isn’t budging.

“Bobby is right, Buck. We have to have a little faith.” Chim says, his voice watery but firm.

Buck shakes out of Eddie’s grip to hug Chim. “I’ll have a little more faith once my sister is safe.” Buck makes a mad dash for the stairs once he lets go of Chim. But he is blocked by Eddie again.

“I don’t want to tackle you again, but I will if I have to.” What Eddie lacks in inches on Buck, he makes up for in sheer willpower. Who is more stubborn of the two has never been figured out.

“But, Maddie she’s...” Buck begins.

“I know.”

—

Maddie breathes a little easier once she hears the sirens. They weren’t going to die alone, at least. Someone knows they are here. It is even more tense in here when Foster is right behind Josh. Maddie had had time to think and knew why Josh dropped the coffee on his foot this morning. Foster was awful date guy. It took all of her willpower to not get up and die beating the shit out the man who thought he could hurt her best friend and get away with it. She seethed with rage just thinking about it.

Maddie wasn’t sure how hostage situations typically worked, but she was sure that they were going to be hostages for a while longer. Foster’s radio kept chirping and he would whisper into it. Maddie couldn’t catch anything. Maybe this would be the time to focus on visual skills rather than the listening ones.

She counts everyone she can see. 59. She knew most of their names, but some were unfamiliar. She makes a mental to note to know everyone by name when this was over. It breaks her heart to think that some of the casualties could be people she couldn’t even name.

She knows Jamal, and Josh, and the very subtle flirting she sees. It reminds her of her brother and Eddie. It would be a shame if they never admitted that they were indeed flirting with each other. What would be more a shame was if they did, and Maddie wasn’t around to see it.

She couldn’t go doing this already. It hadn’t been very long, she thought but she couldn’t exactly check her phone or turn around to look at the giant clock behind her. She could squint and see the tiny analog one. The shape, anyway.

Her thoughts about the time were broken, when she notices the way Foster was looking at Josh. She could hit him with a roundhouse so fast, he wouldn’t even... that was a terrible plan.

She flinches when she hears the unmistakable sound of a slap. “Go to hell.” It was a mistake to not cover Josh’s mouth if you didn’t want him to speak the truth. Another slap. It sting Maddie too. “No.” Another. Maddie winces. Loudly.

“Do you feel sorry for him?” His slap to Maddie hurt less than the one delivered to Josh. She felt the difference. This was personal.

“No.” She snarls. “He doesn’t need me to feel sorry for him. Because he is one of the strongest and best people I know.”

“I should shoot you, for talking back.”

“Do it. At least I’d die defending my best friend. You’ll die a murderer.”

The gun fires off and Maddie sees the sting before she feels it. Lower leg. She feels hit and break her fibula and she bites her lip to keep from screaming. But she says this to Foster as he walks away. “I don’t regret a thing.”

Josh was staring at her, debating something in his head. Maddie had experience with visual reading, but it still wasn’t as good as her listening. Foster was back, and Josh turned his face stony again. But she could see the twinkle in his eyes. He had a plan.

—

The entire 118 crew had been watching the news. The ransom was finally up, 12 million for the release of Dispatch Center 3. Chim hadn’t moved for 3 hours, except for the one call they had that afternoon. He kept replaying Maddie’s last words to him. “I love you, Howie.” Over and over again.

“Chim. Chim.” Hen is sitting in front of him.

“Hi, Hen. How are you?”

“How are you, Howard?” She sahs his name with a bite, but Chim doesnt even flinch.

“I am fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to restock the truck.” He stands up and descends the stairs.

“You let him go down their alone, but not me?” Buck whines.

“He’s not going to run off to an active hostage situation.” Bobby replies.

“Then why did he finally move after 3 hours? I think you should keep an eye on him.” Buck questions.

“Chim?” Eddie calls down to the ground floor. No answer. “Chim?” Someone’s tires squeal.

“Damn it, Chim!” Buck and Eddie race down the stairs.

“I’ll clear it with the Chief!”Bobby calls after them.

—

Eddie drives. Chim is right in front of them. Buck is shaking in the seat next to him. “Your sister is okay. I am sure of it.” Eddie doesn’t take his eyes off of the road as he comforts his best friend.

“Yeah, she’s a badass under pressure.” Buck’s voice is soft and patchy. He’s been crying, or trying not to.

“She is. When we get there, promise you’ll be smart. Don’t run into the fire.”

“She’s my sister. I’d run into fire forever to save her. I’d do anything to keep her safe.”

Eddie and Buck pull up next to Chim, who is sprinting toward the building. Eddie has to tackle another team mate, but Buck seeing his chance, runs to the building.

“You tackled the wrong guy, Diaz.” Chim says, coughing a little.

“I’m sorry, Chim. You okay?” Eddie asks, while Buck gets tackled by a cop and herded into hostage jail. Ironic.

“I’m fine, Eddie. Just worried about her.”

“How’d your love confession go?”

“Good. Ended with a crush injury and a hotel room.”

“That’s great! Wait, crush injury?”

“Yep. Oh, and a proposal.”

“Umm... What?”

“Not me, not her. The couple that had the crush injury also had the proposal.”

“Not bad.”

“I suppose we should go check on Buck.”

The two walked over to a sulking Buck. “Don’t say I told you so.” Buck says sullenly.

“I wasn’t planning on it.” Eddie replies.

“Heard anything?” Chim asks, listening to the scanner and Buck at the same time.

“They didn’t tell me anything, except you can’t go past this line.” Buck pouts, but his hearts in the right place.

“We have to do this now.” One of the officers says into her radio. “Operation take back dispatch. Let’s go.”

—

••notes: this is of course, non canon compliant since 3.14 hasn’t aired yet. The second part should be up soon! I love you all and I hope you stay safe.

Now that 3.14 is kind of up I feel like I should clarify that Foster is a name I took from imdb. Sooo, do with that what you will.

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datleggy · 5 years ago

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I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove.

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance�� :)

#long post is long #ask #anon #also i got ur other ask #NP! never a bother :)#911 lonestar #911 fox #tldr at the end #read more

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mikeshanlon · 5 years ago

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Happy Pride! .... Like... more than halfway through the month lmao sorry, better late than never ig! I’ve compiled a list of some of my fave LGBT+ books, as well as a few I’m planning to read for pride/in the near future. Please feel free to reblog and add some of your own recs, especially for the sexual and gender identities that are lacking in my list!!!!!

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz: This beautiful, wholesome coming of age novel is pretty popular on tumblr and with good reason! It’s set in the 1980′s and follows Aristotle, aka "Ari”, as he grows up an tackles with his identity-- he feels like his story is written by someone else, that his path is not up to his control. Whether this is due to his complex relationship with his family, or societal expectations/stereotypes of Latinx men, or the fact that maybe his friendship with Dante might be more than that, and that kinda terrifies him. (Rep: Gay, Latinx, (I believe this is own voices) Warnings: it’s been a minute since i’ve read this but i believe some racism, internalized homophobia, and an instance of violent transphobia)

Red, White, and Royal Blue by Casey McQuiston: LGKNLKNGRG okay this is truly one of my favorite books of the year so far and part of the whole reason i wanted to make this. This is a New Adult Contemporary romance set in sort of a like... parallel America where a woman won the presidential election. We follow The First Son, Alex Claremont-Diaz, who’s charming, smart ass, genius icon. Him, his sister June, and their best friend Nora are easily marketable and loved by the public for the most part, but when Alex and his rival Prince Henry of England get into a public spat at a Royal Wedding, Alex and Henry must pretend to be friends to patch up relations and public image for his mother’s re-election campaign. Eventually their fake friendship turns real, and then becomes more as they get to know each other, Alex and Henry begin a secret romance that we follow over the course of the re-election year. This book is fucking HILARIOUS (like I have so many tabs for funny moments and i was trying to be restrained), but it’s just so. Like full of love and hope and it’s so beautiful???? It’s definitely political escapism from our current situation in America but still deals with current issues such as racism and homopboia, etc, but gives the reader hope for future progress. Alex and Henry’s relationship is so fun, and sexy, and beautiful and the friendships are so iconic and Alex’s journey with sexuality is... chefs kiss. Also like. Casey McQuiston mentioned that she listened to Texas Reznikoff by Mitski a lot while writing this in the acknowledgments so. what more do you need... (Rep: Bisexual (Own Voices), Gay, Biracial-- Mexican/White (Own Voices), Warnings: Racism, homophobia, mentions of a past sexual harrassment/assault. Since this is a New Adult, there are smut scenes. I wouldn’t say it’s like. Super explicit or anything but there is sex, though it’s often during Important Moments of their relationships so it doesn’t feel like p*rn-- again the sex is happening but its not in hella explicit detail or anything or for the same goal as say an erotica. P much proceed with caution if it’s not ur thing but it’s not too wild!)

Blanca y Roja by Anna-Marie McLemore: This is sort of a Snow White/Rose Red and Ugly Duckling retelling following two sisters, Blanca and Roja, who’s family curse destines that one of the sisters will be trapped into a swan’s body, never to be seen again. (So this is magical realism lmao). We also follow two boys, Page and Yearling, who were wrapped up in the magic of the nearby woods, but have returned to society. Page is a gender queer trans male, and his whole arc that was so beautiful and made me cry, but in a good way (also warning that I’m cis so like. I would love to hear what gender queer trans individuals think about the rep in this book bc I cannot really attest to it.) This book is really about sisterly love and love in general, with all the complexities that come with it. (also wlw grandma’s who grow apple’s it’s p iconic) (Rep: Latinx-- colorism plays a huge role in the story as well (Own Voices), Gender Queer Trans, Queer (Own Voices) Warnings: Some transphobia, racism, and abuse). (I believe most of Anna-Marie McLemore’s books are magical realism and have some Latinx and queer elements to them as well)

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: god..... This (gay ass) novelization of The Illiad is just so tragically romantic and beautiful... We follow Achilles and Patroclus as they grow up and grow closer, and eventually fight the Trojan War. There are so many beautiful quotes and scenes but like. You will most likely cry so keep that in mind eklrgerg. (Rep: Gay Warnings: Violence, there’s like..... a weird r*pe/homophobic scene)

Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan: YA Fantasy set in a world where there are three castes: Moon-- the highest caste, demons with animalistic features in a humanoid form, Steel-- humans with part demon physical features and abilities, and Paper-- fully human, the lowest caste. We follow our protaganist Lei, who despite being a Paper caste, has beautiful golden glowing eyes that end up garnering attention from the Demon King. She’s stolen from her home and forced to join The Paper Girls-- a group of paper caste concubines in training at the palace. As she tries to find a way to escape, she ends up falling for one of the other paper girls, Wren, who might be just the key to freedom. I love Lei and Wren’s relationship and I’m excited to see it play out in the sequel! (which i believe ngan said will introduce more LGBT characters) (Rep: Asian (Own Voices), WLW (I believe this is Own Voices as well). Warnings: As their role as concubines suggest, a large part of this book revolves around the patriarchy using women for power and sexual assualt/rape. There are no explicit rape scenes-- though they do occur ‘off screen’, however there are a couple attempted sexual assault scenes that I believe could be p triggering. This book is also largely about the Paper Girls taking back their power, and I don’t believe these scenes are done for shock value, however please proceed with caution. Subsequently, sexist and patriarchial views are present within the authority, though shunned by Lei, however there’s a lot of internalized sexism and objectification among some of the other Paper Girls.)

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell: I probably don’t have to talk about this one much since it’s super popular, but in what is like essentially Harry Potter but like gay and wholesome, we follow Simon Snow, the Chosen One who’s actually not that good at magic, his best friend Penelope, and his roommate and arch nemesis that’s totally a vampire but won’t admit it, Baz. (Except Baz is, like, totally in love with Simon and Simon’s just too dumb and wrapped up in his own shit to realize it). Truly just,... an iconic enemies to friends to lovers story that unfolds as the three of them try to uncover a mystery surrounding Baz’s late mother. Ik some people have found it confusing bc it’s sort of like starting the Harry Potter story off at book 7 and only getting some background info along the way but honestly I really enjoyed that lmao. Also there’s a sequel coming out this fall, Wayward Son. (Rep: Gay, Some POC rep. Warnings: not rlly any i dont think??? There’s like. some Homophobia lmao bc we can’t have a gay book without it.)

Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins: This is a cute YA contemporary following Millie Quint who, post being cheated on by her best friend and wanting to have a fresh start, flies to Scotland to finish off her senior year at her Dream prestigous boarding school, joining a handful of other girls as the first female class in the institution’s history. Plus like. Cool Rocks and Scotland. Only problem is that her roomate is sort of a bitch and also the Princess of Scotland who she totally just told off. So yeah yet another royal gay enemies to friends to lovers with a dash of and they were roomates LMAO. This book could be like.... a bit cheesy and rushed but overall it was cute and like...... The Cover.... (Rep: Bisexual, Lesbian, Warnings: Some homophobia. Also this is a companion novel to Prince Charming but you don’t have to read that first, there’s just some references to the couple in that book as the Prince is well.... The Princess’ brother and where they end up so if you don’t wanna be spoiled read that first ig!)

The Devouring Gray by Christine Lynn Herman: I talked about this some in this post, but I feel like I did kinda a shitty job so. A YA fantasy/paranormal series about the descendant’s of the town’s four founding families-- Violet Saunders, Justin Hawthorne, Harper Carlisle, and Isaac Sullivan (the most iconic one). The latter three have lived in Four Paths their whole lives, protecting the town from The Gray-- p much the Upside Down from Stranger Things lmao, using powers specific to each of their families. Violet and her mother move back after Violet’s sister died in a car accident, and she’s thrust into helping save the town as the Gray grows more restless and having to uncover the secrets of her family as well as all the history brewing between the other three. The Stranger Things and Riverdale comparisons are p valid, (but like. Riverdale in the sense of small town secrets and a bunch of tense history that the kids don’t really understand and must uncover, and some like love triangle but..... not Rlly Love triangles just a mess of ppl being like oh shit i like this person and this person.... Bisexual Chaos if u will... not like. The I’m cuckoo bananas for u let’s go get high and play dungeons and dragons and smash in a bunker LRGKJRLKGJ), the Raven Cycle comparison’s are kind of a stretch, I can see the abstract comparison’s if i squint but like. Don’t go into this expecting TRC lmao. I really enjoyed the theme of grief throughout this book and seeing the powers unfold (and one of the dynamics a lot) and while not perfect the series has a lot of potential and like. Bisexuals. So. (Rep: Bisexual (two mc’s are bi and say the word!!!!!!!! As well as some secondary characters), Disabled (one of the mc’s is missing one arm from the elbow down). Warnings: Grief, Violence)

The Gentlemen’s Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee: Also talked about this in this post and did a better job there, but to sum it up it’s essentially a friends to lovers, bed sharing, road trip au with a dash of magic but set in the 1700′s! There’s also a sequel/companion, The Lady’s Guide to Petticoats and Piracy that I have yet to read but it follows Monty’s sister, Felicity, and I believe goes more in depth with her identity. (Rep: Gay, Black, Disabled, Aromantic, Asexual, Warnings: Period typical homophobia/biphobia, racism, ableism, sexism)

Simon vs. The Homosapien’s Agenda by Becky Albertalli: Like. I don’t think i really have to explain this one LRKGJJRG but added it just in case. YA contemporary following Simon as he e-mails another gay student at his school and falls in love. (Rep: Gay, Black, Jewish, Warnings: Homophobia)

All For the Game Trilogy (The Foxhole Court, The Raven King, The King’s Men) by Nora Sakavic: If y’all have been on my blog at all you know i’m back in aftg hyperfixation mode after another reread lmao. Is it a lil messy is it a lil dramatic... yes. but i love it!!! We follow our protagonist Neil Josten, who’s been on the run from his crime lord father, The Butcher of Baltimore, since he was young. After his mother dies on the run, Neil finds a new place and adopts yet another identity, and ends up playing high school exy (a made up sport but like we’re barely here for the sports lmao), something he used to play as a child. Despite playing a new position, he attracts the attention of the PSU Foxes, who’s coach David Wymack specifically recruits players with a troubled past to give them a second chance. Neil really shouldn’t sign-- it goes against everything his mother told him, it puts him at risk of being in the spotlight for his father’s men to find him, and puts him on the same team as Kevin Day, someone from his past that knows his true identity. Still, something draws Neil to joining the team, to finally try to live instead of just survive. UGHHHH like truly this book just makes u fall in love with all the characters and the beautiful and broken found family that develops over three books and one of the most iconic and amazing (ha....) slowburn relationships ever.... Also if i recall they’re super cheap on iBooks (at least when i bought them, the first book was free and the other two were $1.99). (Rep: Gay, Demisexual, POC, Warnings: MAJOR trigger warnings for like. everything bc all the foxes have fucked up pasts. But the biggest ones are probably rape, abuse/torture, and substance abuse)

Six of Crows Duology (Six of Crows, Crooked Kingdom) by Leigh Bardugo: Idk how much I really have to talk about this bc it’s popular but I am physically unably not to reccomend this duology bc its just. So. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. The most barebones summary is that this is a YA Fantasy about six people coming together to perform an impossible heist. This is truly like...... a masterclass in developing characters and has one of the best m/f ships i’ve ever read... But also since it’s on here there is some gay shit going on, 3/6 mains are Not Straight and there’s a cute m/m couple! Also you don’t have to read the Grisha Trilogy to read this but u can if u want (I have yet to). (Rep: Bisexual, Gay, Disabled, POC, Warnings: Again these ppl have fucked up pasts, biggest are PTSD, past sexual abuse)

The Raven Cycle Series (The Raven Boys, The Dream Theives, Blue Lily Lily Blue, The Raven King) by Maggie Steifvater: Again i don’t think I really have to explain this one but like. In case you haven’t read this series it’s truly iconic..... Idk even how to explain this LKGJLJRG just like magical realism wonderfulness and found family and amazing relationships and shit.... (Rep: Gay, Bisexual, Disabled, Warnings: Abuse)

The following are books I plan to read for pride/in the near future. I can’t wholeheartedly reccomend them obviously, or fully detail all the rep/warnings, but I’ve heard some great things about these books and a lot of them have representation that the first part of the list is lacking, so I figured I would add them! (Also if I use ‘queer’ that’s because that’s the only label I have been given by the authors or reviewers, or the characters identify as queer)

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman: To my knowledge this is a really emotional YA coming of age/college story that has to do with like. A podcast? Idk a lot of people love it and side note I’ll be suing B&N bc they NEVER have it relkj (Rep: Bisexual, Demisexual, I belive Latinx.)

Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand: I believe this is a YA horror-ish novel where there’s a monster stealing girls on and island. (Rep: I believe all three main girls are queer Warnings: Since this is horror im assuming. Horror stuff LMAO)

I Wish You all The Best by Mason Deaver: A YA contemporary romance about Ben who comes out as non-binary to their parents and gets kicked out, and moves in with their estranged sister. They soon are taken under the wing of a senior named Nathan Allan and begin to fall. (Rep: Non-Binary (Own Voices), MLM/Queer, Black (im assuming from the gorgeous cover lmao. Warnings: Misgendering, homophobia, anxiety, depression)

Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno: YA Magical Realism about Georgina, who has yet to inherit the magical powers that have been passed down her family, including her twin sister Mary who, unlike Georgina, is coming into her powers. (Rep: Lesbian, Queer, Aro/Ace, Warnings: Rape and sexual assault, underage drinking, animal death, drug use.)

#books #lgbt #pride #lgbt books #idk what else to tag lmao pls feel free to add ur own yall!!! or correct anything i got wrong lmao

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jbuffyangel · 6 years ago

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A Moment of Joy: Arrow 7x14 Review (Brothers and Sisters)

Felicity told Oliver she’s pregnant!!!!

and some other stuff happened. Let’s dig in…

Olicity

Obviously, Oliver finding out Felicity is carrying their love child is what we’re all here for. So, it’s not really a shock the writers waited until the last three minutes of the show for the big moment. They aren’t dummies.

However, what happens before Felicity tells Oliver is just as important than the actual reveal. Oliver and Felicity are on separate emotional paths for the majority of “Brothers and Sisters” but they each learn important lessons which will make them better partners and parents.

Felicity is freaking out. As evidence by Felicity’s nightmare of running through the forest of Lian Yu searching for her crying baby.

Raise your hand if Felicity screaming “Where are you? I can’t find you!” to her precious infant left you emotionally gutted.

This makes Felicity the only character other than Oliver to open the show running, so anyone arguing her hero’s arc is not on the same level as Oliver’s can pass me.

I wish we had a stronger villain who actually warrants a guest appearance in Felicity’s nightmare, but alas we are stuck with Diaz and have to pretend, yet again, he’s a viable threat.

I decided Diaz is representative of all villains Felicity has faced. He’s functioning as a source of all evil type of capacity. The dream isn’t really about her fear of Diaz. Felicity is afraid she won’t be able to protect her child, which is exactly what Diaz says before he shoots her. I love emotionally unambiguous dreams.

What’s interesting about the dream is the foreshadowing element. Felicity is searching for her child, but is killed thereby leaving the baby alone in the wilderness and unprotected from the evil coming after them. It’s particularly interesting we never see Felicity shot. We don’t see her body, unlike the dreams Oliver had earlier this season.

Source: olicitygifs

Sound familiar?

The dream is essentially what is happening in the future. Felicity is separated from her children and desperately trying to reunite her family. She is supposedly “dead,” but we haven’t seen her body.

Felicity is going to great lengths to protect her children and I absolutely believe this is all part of her plan. However, her absence has left William and Mia alone in the wilderness exposed to the world’s evil. All the anger, fear, panic and helplessness Felicity feels in the dream is what she must be feeling in the future as well. Any kind of separation from her children is unbearable. The flash forwards are basically Felicity’s nightmare realized which is exactly why the writers need to fix it RIGHT THE HELL NOW.

Diggle finally comes clean about Diaz to Oliver and Felicity.

Source: olicitygifs

He explains there’s a more dangerous threat the A.R.G.U.S. brass is preventing them from pursuing and Felicity instinctively puts her hand on her belly.

Source: hollandrooden

Watching Emily Bett Rickards weave in these subtleties is going to be one of the best aspects of the pregnancy storyline. Felicity is understandably and rightfully furious with John for working with Diaz and not discussing it with her first.

However, Oliver is not. He trusts John and believes Diggle would only work with Diaz if it’s absolutely necessary. Some may have been surprised or even frustrated with Oliver’s chill response, but it is evidence of his evolution. Once upon a time, Oliver Queen would have reacted in anger to this kind of news. Felicity or Diggle or both would have to talk Oliver off the ledge.

Now Oliver is playing referee between Diggle and Felicity. His calm response is not evidence of apathy. Oliver is trying to see both sides. He trusts John, but understands why Felicity is angry. This is a more patient, measured and understanding Oliver Queen. It may not be the man we are used to, but it is the man we’ve asked him to be. This is what a fully realized superhero looks like.

This issue between Felicity and Diggle has very little to do with Oliver. He was the point of contention between the two as Felicity tried to free him from prison while Diggle toed the legal line. However, Oliver was in prison and cut off from what was going on in the outside world. Furthermore, Oliver isn’t angry John didn’t help free him. Diggle was doing exactly what Oliver asked. He embraced the freedom Oliver’s sacrifice bought him and turned away from the vigilante life.

It doesn’t make what John did right though. My primary frustration with this canyon between Diggle and Felicity is they haven’t really discussed it in any meaningful sense in 7x02. They are finally given some screen time and Felicity gives John the comeuppance he deserves.

Felicity: You realize that this is the second time you have prioritized your job over keeping your friends safe?

Felicity just had a nightmare about Diaz roaming free and now Diggle is telling her Diaz is roaming free. It’s difficult for Felicity not to feel her dream is prophetic in nature. If your next nightmare is Oliver turning to dust as you reach for him and whispering, “My soul,” please don’t have sex with him Felicity. #BuffyTheVampireSlayerTips

Felicity hacks the bomb in Diaz’s head and employs her murder companion, Bl*ck S*ren to finish the job who balks (more on that in a minute) and then “guesses” Felicity is pregnant. We knew they were going to do this. We knew BS would be first to find out Felicity is pregnant.

However, the evidence BS uses to deduce Felicity’s pregnancy is hilariously ludicrous.

First, there’s a lack of alcohol. Umm… it’s well before 5 o’clock so why is BS expecting booze at 10 o’clock in the morning? I thought we were done with the alcoholism stories. Felicity isn’t mainlining coffee, Coke or Red Bull for half a second so of course PREGNANT.

And that isn’t a pregnant lady amount of chocolate. It’s a Tuesday amount of chocolate, which Felicity points out while simultaneously revealing she’s pregnant. Only Emily Bett Rickards and her sheer force of adorableness pull this scene off.

Source: nyssaalghl

BS comes back armed with healthy goodies like a mother hen and a hell of a pep talk.

I will forever be using this gif anytime an Olicity/Felicity Smoak hater comes my way. You’ve been warned. Sure, I would have preferred Lyla bring Felicity a roast turkey sandwich and reassure her fears. However, I think the pep talk means more coming from Bl*ck S*ren.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Oliver, Diggle and Lyla are Felicity’s family. It’s sort of like when a parent tells their child he/she is beautiful. A parent is legally required to say those things. Their love is without question, so it’s easier to discard the compliment. It doesn’t feel earned. Their positive opinion is an automatic because of the unconditional love.

At best, Bl*ck S*ren is a frenemy. She’s been learning toward friend versus enemy as of late, but we didn’t start there. BS didn’t like Felicity. In fact, she downright hated her and vice versus. Felicity has earned Bl*ck S*ren’s respect. She never judged Felicity’s murderous tendencies and Felicity saw real compassion in BS. They have evolved from enemies to partners to friends.

Bl*ck S*ren is a terrible person, but she can still see all the good in Felicity Smoak. She is someone who didn’t love Felicity and has been Smoak’d nonetheless. Even though she shares the same opinion as Oliver, Diggle and Lyla it feels more earned to Felicity. This is someone who can go back to snapping necks in a heartbeat. Even someone as dark as Bl*ck S*ren can see Felicity Smoak’s light. She’ not “just saying it.” Therefore, it must be true.

Discovering you are bringing a little human into this world can be one of the most joyful and exhilarating experiences of a person’s life. It is also incredibly terrifying. You are suddenly responsible for another person’s life. It is a massive undertaking and a complete upheaval to your everyday life. I was scared and I didn’t have super villains trying to kill me all the time. Of course, Felicity is scared. It’d be crazy not to be given the world she lives in. Every parent is afraid at one point or another.

The key is not to make decisions from that fear. You have to learn to live with it and focus on what is best for your child and family. Felicity can kill Diaz, but there will always be more after him because that’s the life she and Oliver chose.

Felicity was always the one who believed they could be vigilantes and build a life together. She has momentarily stopped believing in herself, which is why it is so important for BS to remind Felicity she has nothing to be afraid of.

There is no limit to my love for L*urel in this scene. It’s bizarre I buy this friendship more than the one between our LL and Felicity, but I do. I think one of the best aspects of BS and Felicity’s friendship is it has nothing to do with Oliver Queen. It is just about the bond these two women have forged. That’s nifty. Throw in a solid prison arc and these writers will have me on board with Bl*ck S*ren’s redemption.

Given the ridiculous conspiracy theories the LL/L*uriver fans had regarding Mia, it is pretty fantastic Arrow is using their fav to be Felicity’s number one cheerleader. Bl*ck S*ren’s entire function in “Brothers and Sisters” is to support Felicity’s storyline and her arc. She’s helping Felicity through the pregnancy L*uriver fans believed BS would have. This is going to drive the haters insane and I am petty enough to enjoy it.

Meanwhile, Rene aka Gossip Girl fills Oliver in on Emiko’s mother’s murder and her vendetta. XOXO.

Of course, Oliver wants to help Emiko with her investigation, but Rene reminds him to earn Emiko’s trust first. Rene is making a lot of sense in this scene and it’s unnerving.

Oliver brings a special gift from the missus as a way of earning his sister’s trust. Felicity found the rifle that killed Emiko’s mother. It’s not a bad approach. Everyone gets smoak’d eventually on this show and Oliver Queen is infinitely more likable because of Felicity.

Source: olivergifs

I understand why Emiko is angry with Robert and Moira Queen. I also understand Oliver wasn’t a stand up fella back in the day. However, Emiko has been running around in his hood so her adamant “Oliver Queen in the worst” stance is a real head scratcher. She finds some redeeming qualities about him otherwise why use his moniker, suit and methods?

Oliver was living the life Emiko was denied. She’s using the hood to steal Oliver’s identity like he stole hers. However, Oliver is no more to blame for Robert’s choices than Emiko. He’s just the one left holding the bag, so to speak. Emiko directing all her anger at Oliver is growing tiresome. She needs to thaw.

Thankfully, Emiko hears my complaints and lets Oliver in on her mission. Oliver tries to be helpful, but his way of being a big brother is control.

All of his tips for improving algorithms, arrow manufacturing and wrist snapping come from the best intentions, but it feels like criticisms to Emiko. Oliver ends up wrestling control of “the mission” away his sister and she’s forced to sit on the sidelines.

Rene in another display of logic (hold me I’m scared) urges Oliver to simply be Emiko’s brother and stop trying to protect her via control. Ya know, basically his entire Season 1-Season 4 arc with Thea truncated down to one episode.

Oliver and Felicity’s separate storylines arcs converge into one when he gets a call from Diggle. John wants Oliver to go out in the field with the Ghost Initiative and yes that includes Diaz. Felicity rightfully feels a little betrayed Oliver would even consider going out in the field, but he’s angling for husband of the year this season and sets her straight.

It’s Felicity’s choice if he works with the Ghost Initiative. Wait. WHAT? Oliver is relinquishing control, allowing Felicity to make a decision for their family and he will adhere to it no questions asked? OLIVER IS THAT YOU?

Ohhhh it gets better.

Oliver tells Felicity he knows she’s keeping a secret. Felicity thinks Oliver has figured out she’s pregnant, but alas I feel this is another area heterosexual men do not excel in.

The “secret” Oliver has deduced with his amazing powers of perception is Felicity is planning to kill Diaz. Dude, that’s not a secret. She’s practically hung a neon sign around her neck all season that says, “I WILL KILL DIAZ. ASK ME HOW.”

Felicity’s face when she realizes Oliver is clueless about the pregnancy is hilarious. Men.

Source: plotbunnyshipper

Oliver believes there’s a better way of handling Diaz, but he also understands that’s his choice. If Felicity is truly his partner then he can’t make decisions for her. He makes a rather surprising statement – Oliver is willing to back her play no matter what. THY NAME IS CHARACTER GROWTH.

Source: oliverxfelicity

If she wants Diaz dead then, after the mission with A.R.G.U.S., he’s toast. Oliver has Felicity’s back.

Source: plotbunnyshipper

Did that just happen?

There’s so much emotionally evolved Oliver Jonas Queen before me I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t have to critique, encourage him to do better next time, examine the trauma impacting his decisions or lament there’s always next season. I can’t even call him a pine tree. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO IF I’M NOT CALLING OLIVER A PINE TREE!

This is massive evolution. MAAAAAASIVE. First, Oliver gives Felicity a “find another way” speech, so we are officially full circle my friends.

The student has become the master. We’ve been waiting for Oliver to become a fully realized superhero, so he can be the man Felicity deserves. And low and behold here he is! He wants Felicity to find a better way, but he’s ready to throw down with Diaz if the wifey commands it.

THIS is the support Oliver always received from Felicity. She fell in love with Oliver when he was dropping bodies on the regular. Felicity didn’t necessarily agree with all those choices, but she always had Oliver’s back no matter what. She encouraged Oliver to find a better way with her love, belief, compassion, support and a healthy amount of firm nudging. She harnessed Oliver’s light by shining her own upon him. Felicity’s goodness was an example to Oliver. It helped Oliver find his goodness under all that pain.

However, Oliver fears his pain and darkness can infect the people he loves. He worries it’s like a contagious disease. Simply being around him is all it takes for Diggle or Felicity to fall off the moral path.

When Felicity made questionable judgments Oliver wasn’t able to back her up.

Instead, he stood in her way and became a road block she had to overcome. Oliver did this because he feared his impact on Felicity. He didn’t want the person he loves most in this world to be anything like him.

However, Oliver’s inability to let go was hurtful to Felicity because she felt it was a lack of trust. Felicity always trusted Oliver, even when she disagreed with him. She would offer her advice, but ultimately stood back and let Oliver make his own decisions. He is a better man for loving Felicity Smoak. It was her influence showing Oliver a more righteous path, but he is the one who chose to be a better man.

He can never give Felicity the room to decide for herself. Oliver either makes the decision for her or holds on so tightly she is forced to break free from his grasp. He’s done the same with Thea and now Emiko. Oliver is motivated by a deep need to protect those he loves, but that’s not the way Felicity needs to be loved. What she needs from Oliver is his trust and support. He can illuminate a better path, but Felicity must make her own decision. And Oliver must respect her choice.

Oliver acknowledging Felicity wants to kill Diaz also means he’s taken her off the pedestal. Felicity Smoak is not merely sunshine and rainbows. She’s a multi faceted human being just like anyone else. She experiences the human array of emotions just like anyone else. Sometimes Felicity is pure sunshine.

Sometimes she’s comfortably wielding a Makarov PMM. Get you a woman who can do both.

Both sides can exist in her along with a wide berth of grey. Felicity examining the darker end of the morality spectrum doesn’t make her evil. It makes her human.

But Oliver can’t keep Felicity in a box where she can function under pre-approved parameters. Felicity deserves the same freedom Oliver enjoys. He has to love all of her – the light and the dark – just like Felicity has loved all of him. The greatest gift God gave us is free will. Oliver needs to step back and let Felicity decide for herself who she wants to be.

"This is who I am, this place, this is where I belong. She came back because she found out she belonged here too. She chose for herself...God I loved her for that." Garret Blake, Message in a Bottle

Oliver is learning how to be a better leader and partner. He’s realized control only stirs revolt. The essence of true leadership is leading by example. Oliver can encourage Felicity to find another way through his love, belief, compassion, support and a healthy amount of firm nudging. He can harness Felicity’s light by shining his own upon her. But when push comes to shove, he needs to support whatever Felicity decides because that’s the love she’s shown him for seven years.

Source: plotbunnyshipper

Felicity agrees to the mission with A.R.G.U.S. on one condition – she’s coming too. It feels so good having Overwatch back in the field. THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER YOU GUYS! The operation goes bust because when does an A.R.G.U.S. op ever go right? Diaz short circuits his chip and Felicity goes after him even though Dante is the objective.

It’s a bit of a redo of 7x06, but better. Felicity is a cool cucumber and I absolutely believe she would pull that trigger. What I believe more, however, is she doesn’t have to. She isn’t making a decision from fear, but strength.

Source: ebett

The gift Oliver’s prison sentence gave Felicity is the knowledge she can face anything, even a life without her husband, and come out the other side changed, but not broken. Felicity was alone in the wilderness and fed to the wolves this season, but she survived. She kept her family safe. Felicity flirted with the edge, but never became lost in the dark. She did what was necessary, but retained every ounce of her goodness. This is the moment Felicity Smoak decided for herself the kind of hero she wants to be.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Oliver packs up his “lesson learned” suitcase and heads over to Emiko’s to apologize. He overstepped with the mission because he was excited to recapture some of the time he’s lost with his sister. By overstep he means completely take it over. Oliver apologizing first is enough to convince me he’s reached superhero nirvana.

However, the surprise was Emiko admitting she’s having difficulty not seeing Oliver as their father.

Since she’s Oliver 2.0 I wasn’t expecting that much emotional awareness so early in the game. Oliver and Emiko hug and cry and learn and grow. Great… we done? Oliver has places to be and THERE IS ONLY FOUR MINUTES LEFT.

Felicity is sitting on the counter in her pajamas downing a pint of mint chip and it is the stuff of fan fiction.

Source: olicitygifs

THEY REMEMBERED THE MINT CHIP Y’ALL!

There is also a photograph of Felicity snorkeling on the refrigerator, so Mia was conceived on their honeymoon trip in Aruba they took over winter hiatus. Don’t @ me.

Oliver wants to know why Felicity didn’t kill Diaz and her explanation is relatively straightforward. Killing Diaz wouldn’t necessarily keep their family safe because they are vigilantes. There is always another Big Bad waiting around the corner. More importantly, Felicity decides she wants to live in the light like Oliver has been doing. His example was enough.

And then she drops the bomb with the word “children.”

Oliver didn’t hear a word Felicity was saying

because the mind was racing trying to puzzle it out.

He stopped breathing.

We get to watch as he puts it together. It’s like watching Oliver fall in love all over again. It starts slowly

and then it happens all at once.

Source: olicitygifs

Oliver and Felicity’s baby was foreshadowed in a heartbreaking scene.

Moments before Oliver breaks up with Felicity in “The Calm” he watches her with Lyla holding newborn baby Sara. Diggle’s universe changed when he first looked at his daughter, but Oliver’s changed when he met Felicity.

Embarking on a relationship with her was never about one date. It was about marriage, children, building a life and growing old together. Felicity was always Oliver’s forever.

He knows he’s looking at a life he will never have. Oliver is going to shut the door on a relationship with Felicity, so he allows himself one moment of wistful hoping.

Oliver gives into the dream and imagines the life he could have with the person he loves most in the world. Oh how he wished things could be different, but Oliver couldn’t fathom how to get from here to there.

Until… he did. Season after season.

Episode after episode.

Bit by bit.

Piece by piece.

Step by step.

Oliver Queen has built a life with the woman of his dreams. It was a painful and difficult road, but he found his way back to her again and again. Eventually, life stopped being about survival. Oliver began to reach for more because he realized what Diggle said was true. Something to Live For is better.

Oliver has fought for the people he is living for every day, which is why this moment is so earned. There is something infinitely hopeful about Oliver creating new life with his wife. He was once shackled to the prison of his painful past, but what lies ahead now is the freedom of a bright and brilliant future.

This was the quiet dream Oliver and Felicity kept to themselves for all these years, but now it is happening. It’s real. All Oliver can feel is exuberant joy. There’s no hesitation or fear it will all be taken away. Oliver simply lives in this moment, holds his wife and breathes it in. This is what it feels like to be alive.

Telling Oliver makes it real for Felicity too. She shifts her weight in place as if the news is going to burst from her. The surprise of this unplanned little one still hasn’t completely worn off as Felicity marvels, “I’m pregnant.” Whatever fear she was feeling evaporates. Felicity lives in this moment with her husband as he holds her.

Source: olicitygifs

“It’s gonna be the details that define us. You know… the moments.” Joey Potter, Dawson’s Creek

Perhaps, it all falls apart in twenty years as Oliver and Felicity fight for their family. Maybe they are all separated one day, but that’s even more reason to embrace the joy. This is a long deserved pay off for a storyline that’s been building for four years. It is a perfect happy moment for our two heroes.

A hero’s journey is a road filled with pain, loss and sacrifice. It’s important to take the time to breathe. We must savor the joy because there will always be another battle to fight. We need these moments to remind us all what Oliver and Felicity are fighting for.

John Diggle

Things start off rocky with Diggle. Again. He comes clean to Oliver and Felicity about working with Diaz, but stands firmly behind the decision. Felicity can’t fathom why John is choosing his job over his family and girl same. Pod Diggle is the worst.

Diggle: Working with A.R.G.U.S. does keep you safe because it makes the world safe.

Felicity: You can keep telling yourself that.

SO. MUCH. BURN.

When was the last time an A.R.G.U.S. mission accomplished their goal in any way? I’m seriously drawing a blank. I’d be more supportive of Diggle’s decision to work with A.R.G.U.S. if they’d been able to stop Diaz or protect Felicity and William in any way. I’m not wildly impressed with the Dante operation either. A.R.G.U.S. isn’t making anybody safe. Felicity is 100% right.

Diggle very enthusiastically wanted to get the band back together in 7x12, but I still feel resistance from him. I’ve gone on and on about Diggle’s midlife crisis, so I won’t repeat everything again, but he remains hesitant to leave A.R.G.U.S. behind and rejoin Team Arrow in his full Spartan capacity. I understand John wants to define himself outside of Oliver Queen and feels lost now that his protégé doesn’t need him to point the way all the time. But Diggle has his own path with Spartan. He just has to choose it.

We see the beginning of that choice in “Brothers and Sisters.” He puts family before the mission when it goes awry. Diggle has Felicity’s back instead of abandoning her. He makes her a priority and helps Felicity stop Diaz.

Source: @smoacs

HALLELUJAH! HELLO JOHN THOMAS DIGGLE I HAVE MISSED YOU.

We even get an apology from John.

Source: arrowdaily

Apology accepted. Seriously, I’m good. John is off the hook. He’s seen the error of his ways, made better choices while making amends and delivered a hell of a speech. *grabby hands at Yoda Diggle*

Diggle also takes the fall for Lyla over losing Dante, so he is officially unemployed. It’s fine John. We hated your career at A.R.G.U.S. Nuke it. This means Diggle will be available for a full time Team Arrow position. Our Yoda is finding his way back to where he belongs – with his family.

Flash Forwards

Katherine McNamara promised we’d get plenty of answers in “Brothers and Sisters” and that’s true, but it only leads to more questions. Let’s run down the revelations:

Nobody knew Oliver and Felicity had a daughter except for Diggle. Roy, Dinah, Rene and William didn’t even know Felicity was pregnant.

John told his adoptive son Connor Hawke to watch over Mia.

William never hears from Oliver and Felicity again after leaving to live with his grandparents.

Connor knew who Mia’s parents were, but she didn’t know his parents. Mia is a little pissed right now at Connor and my ship is totally setting sail.

There was only one eyewitness to Felicity’s murder, Paul Loiseau, and he committed suicide. So did the coroner.

Whoever is behind the bomb plot needs Felicity, so they faked her death and tied up loose ends by killing Liseau and the coroner.

It makes very little sense to me that William has not heard from Oliver and Felicity after living with his grandparents. We see Oliver leaving William a message, one of many, but the voicemail is full. It’s hard to believe Oliver and Felicity would let a full voicemail stop them from seeing their son.

Nobody knew Felicity was even pregnant, so Star City must become too dangerous and she leaves town to keep her pregnancy secret and the baby safe.

Dinah: We all knew Oliver and Felicity. They never had a daughter.

Mia: I guess you didn’t know them as well as you think.

HAHAHA. I love this kid.

If Oliver gets Felicity out of town then it is possible he would cut off contact with William to keep him safe. However, that must happen later on. It’s clear William is not getting Oliver’s messages, so his grandparents must be keeping them from him.

Joseph David-Jones, who plays Connor Hawke, was on Twitter and delivering David Ramsey level goodies, so the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Yes, Connor is the Diggle’s adoptive son and we will find out what happens to JJ in another flash forward. Joseph believes the reason he’s not playing JJ is because the writers wanted to give him a fresh beginning, separate from the storyline he had on Legends of Tomorrow.

It’s fine with me. Diggle and Lyla can adopt a whole tribe. I think it’s great. Nor does it lessen my investment in SmoaknHawke. Although, I sincerely hope we find out JJ is alive because it would be super fun to have a JJ, Mia and Connor love triangle. I’m sorry. The Vampire Diaries warped me. I can’t be normal anymore.

The highlight of the flash forwards is the bonding between Mia and William. It starts out rocky, but the two find some common ground in their wildly different upbringings. It’s not easy being a child of heroes. William always believed the reason his parents stayed out of touch was because they were keeping him safe from the vigilante life. However, Mia blows that theory all to hell and William decides they simply didn’t want him.

William gives me a headache sometimes. YOU CHOSE TO LIVE WITH YOUR GRANDPARENTS. OLIVER AND FELICITY BEGGED YOU TO STAY. WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

Clearly this boils down to the grandparents. This is like The Notebook, as Maddie pointed out in our podcast. The mother kept Noah’s letters from Ally, but on the other hand he could have gotten in a car and knocked on her door. Nobody needed to wait seven years for contact.

If the grandparents are erasing Oliver’s messages then there’s a high probability of William’s father kicking their door in so he can see his son. It saddens me William doesn’t know this about his father and cannot see if Oliver and Felicity were trying to keep Mia safe then they were also doing the same for him by staying away.

Mia refuses to believe Felicity is dead because no one has seen her body. Finally, a flash forward character that uses actual logic. It’s so refreshing. This kid absolutely has Olicity DNA.

Mia’s relationship with her mother is complicated, but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love Felicity. Quite the opposite.

Source: ebett

I AM HERE FOR SMOAK WOMEN FIGHTING FOR SMOAK WOMEN. She’s adamant about finding Felicity on her own, but William finagles his way into Mia’s heart a little bit because he’s William.

For the first time William and Mia finally have another person to talk to about what it’s like being children of vigilantes. Mia thinks William turned out swell because he’s rich, but her tune changes once he lays out all the devastating loss that came from being Oliver Queen’s son. William may be convinced Oliver and Felicity didn’t want him, but Mia assures him being wanted wasn’t exactly a lifelong free pass to Disney World.

Ugh. Can we just fix this? Everything is awful.

Oliver and Felicity didn’t abandon their children. They did what was necessary to keep their family safe. William and Mia don’t understand that and it makes my heart hurt. It’s understandable why William and Mia feel this way, but it doesn’t make their beliefs true. We need Felicity Smoak to pop up in these flash forwards to explain what happened to her children. No matter what decisions Oliver and Felicity made I believe they had good reasons.

Even though Felicity told Mia again and again her father was a hero, she couldn’t believe it. The city said Oliver was to blame for everything going to hell and Mia didn’t know which was true. William is the only person she can ask, so she does.

Source: oliverxfelicity

Sorry Oliver and Thea there are new QUEEN SIBILINGS FOREVER in town.

William may be angry at Oliver for the way things went down, but he can still see his father with crystal clarity. He is also one of the only people Mia would believe.

Source: smoakmonster

Arrow has used the hozen as a symbol of reconnection. It’s a way to heal the pain caused by time and distance. From Shado to Oliver, Oliver to Thea, Thea to Roy, Roy to Thea, Thea to Felicity, Felicity to William and finally William to Mia. It’s how the Arrow family finds their back to each other. William realizes Felicity didn’t use the hozen to guide him back to her. She used it to guide him to Mia.

We get some quality sibling banter with cube in a cube and Mia reveals she isn’t a rookie. Felicity has trained her to think with her sharp mind and Mia knows another solve for the puzzle – a cube in a cube in a cube. Something not even William knew.

Source: arrowdaily

Inside there is a mini cassette tape, which I agree is a brilliant way to keep information safe. Although, cassette tapes being obsolete technology makes me feel really old. How does one listen to this little gem of information? Buy a mini cassette player off EBAY?

Watching Mia and William’s sibling bond develop is like infusing all this darkness with a spark of light. It is a moment of joy, which is unexpected in this flash forward world. I was concerned I wouldn’t be invested in the flash forward characters, but I am.

Source: ebett

I care about William and Mia’s relationship. I want the Queen family reunited. I want to know what happened to JJ and the rest of the Diggle family. Even though the flash forwards are dark and terrible, I am invested in these new characters. At this stage of the game that’s nothing short of a miracle.

Bl*ck S*ren and Diaz

This episode is the gift that keeps on giving. Diaz returns to prison, but someone lights him up. Yes, the dragon died by fire. It’s too good.

I brought marshmallows! Time for smores.

Diaz’s killer is off screen, so it is very much a “Who done it?” There are two viable suspects – Dante or Bl*ck S*ren. The whole fire thing works for either of them.

BS watched Diaz burn someone and it was supposedly the moment she realized he was terrible. BS killing Diaz in the same fashion has some poetic justice to it and it’s absolutely something she would do. I thought she doth protest too much when discussing killing Diaz with Felicity.

Source: hollandrooden

Keep in mind this is the same woman who was prepared to murder again in 7x11 with no questions asked. She wasn’t terribly invested in being a fake lawyer then and it’s not like she’s had some kind of internal awakening that murder is bad.

IF BS killed Diaz, and it’s a big if, I don’t think she would have done it to avenge Quentin. I think BS would have killed Diaz, after Felicity decided not to, as a way to keep her and the baby safe. I know BS said Diaz was no longer a threat because he was in prison, but her whole blasé attitude felt old. She made a big show about not wanting to give up her lawyer gig either, so it would be extremely fantastic if BS goes to prison for trying to protect Felicity and her child. I loooooove it sooooo much, which probably means I won’t get it, but then again we’ve been on a hot streak (Olicity baby, Curtis gone, Diaz dead, Diggle is normal again, etc). No harm in hoping.

Of course, the next likely suspect is Dante. The whole fire thing works with Dante’s Inferno and Diaz did betray him. It’s nice to finally have a villain who feels somewhat threatening. It’s been a long time coming.

Stray Thoughts

Wait. Emiko is evil? Either she’s working for Dante or she’s double crossing him. One of the two.

“Don't touch my things." Can the writers start generating some individualism with Emiko? She doesn't need to be an exact replica of Oliver

The banana is green. Who eats unripe bananas?

The fact William mentions his grandparents’ answering machine is just further evidence they kept all of Oliver’s messages from him.

China White kicking Diaz and Joe Wilson’s ass is the only part of Ghost Protocol I buy.

We missed out on Oliver comforting Felicity post nightmare in bed and it’s NOT okay.

Is Task Force X what they are calling Suicide Squad now because I don’t remember Task Force X?

Dante arranged the longbow hunters. So there’s that missing plot line.

Amy Gumenick cannot shoot a bow to save her life. She’s awful at it.

Oliver reading criminals their Miranda rights is just… wrong. I don’t know why it’s wrong, but it is.

“You’d be breaking the law, which you’re already doing!” OMG this was flat out hysterical coming from Oliver.

I am getting a bunch of questions on the length of the pregnancy scene. I was not bothered by it. I truly was afraid Arrow would simply skip past Felicity telling Oliver. They’ve done it before. There are plenty of moments we would die to see onscreen that happen over hiatus. Anytime there’s any real time jump between episodes I get nervous.

So, I was overjoyed to get the scene at all. I truly did not have any expectations other than Felicity telling Oliver she’s pregnant. That’s a pretty straightforward announcement – been through two myself. I didn’t have a stopwatch clocking it, but I look at the whole scene, with Felicity telling Oliver the kind of hero she wants to be, as a lead up to the pregnancy announcement. The reason this pregnancy is happening now is because both Oliver and Felicity are ready for it. They’ve evolved to a place where they can be parents and heroes.

Maybe some expected a more lingering scene because of 3x01, but for me they are two different situations. There is no dialogue in the scene where Oliver is staring at Felicity and Stephen Amell had to convey all the emotions on his face without saying a word. Even then he doesn't linger long.

This time around it’s a little easier because there’s dialogue and Oliver’s reaction is immediate. He’s immediately HAPPY, which is a million miles away from where he started. It didn’t feel perfunctory. Oliver has learned he deserves good things so there’s no facade. There’s only joy. Quick reaction? Sure. Unearned or glazed over? No. Not to me. I’m taking the win and enjoying the moment for what it is.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 7x14 gifs credited.

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#arrow 7x14 #olicity #olicity baby #oliver and felicity #arrow 7x14 review #arrow reviews #arrow spoilers #john diggle #william and mia #william clayton #mia smoak #mia queen #anti black siren #anti ricardo diaz #season 7 episode review #arrow season 7 episode reviews

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msbeccieboo · 6 years ago

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Arrow 7x14 brain dump

I loved this episode!! I think I hadn’t really hyped it up too much in my mind so that undoubtedly helped, and sure, there was a lot of superfluous shit, but I feel like I just have to come to terms with that now, and overall it delivered on some areas I’d hoped it to, and also in lots that I hadn’t expected it to! As always, succinctness is not my speciality, and I think this one is at an all-time record length (*titters*), so get comfortable…

Olicity

SHE TOLD HIMMMMM!!!! I think that was just my minimum requirement for the episode, which is probably why I ended up loving it; we got lots more than that!! Olicity didn’t get as much air time as I would have liked for the episode immediately following the Olicity Baby Reveal, but I think the episode delivered quality, where quantity was definitely lacking.

I loved the parallel of Felicity’s nightmare with Oliver’s from 7x01 respectively. In the first half of the episode we could see that she still was doubting herself and her ability to keep the baby safe, which although wasn’t stated explicitly, was clear to me at least, and I am so glad we saw that and not just immediate baby-bliss. This lead into poor Oliver trying and failing to get in touch with William 😭 by filling up his answering machine (to which we later find FF William discovering an answer machine-style cassette…subtle as ever there arrow writers).

The next time we saw Olicity was in an OTA scene (at long last), which I will delve into later, but special mention to Oliver’s little Felicity Smile™ when she cracks her OTA joke 😍.

Source:olicitygifs

Continued under the cut

The most wonderful Olicity scene for me wasn’t the big reveal, but the sofa scene. I loved this so so much. For the first time, Oliver really acknowledged Felicity’s pain from when he was in prison, and acknowledged that he hadn’t acknowledged it haha. This in and of itself made me tear up…Oliver the GROWTH 😭😭

Source:oliverxfelicity

But then he continued!! He told Felicity that he thought there was a better way than killing Diaz, but that he had no right to make that call for her. He would back any move of hers and have her back “no.matter.what” *ugly crying*.

Source:feilcityqueen

Furthermore, he wants her to make her choice so she can get closure on Diaz, allowing Olicity to move forward!!!

This recognition and support are what Felicity has needed from Oliver for months!! He has likely only just been able to come to these realisations himself recently, after dealing with his own crap, and losing William etc, but he came to them on his own, before knowing about the baby and knowing he would have to ‘do better’. He knows there has been a distance between him and Felicity and he will do his part to allow her to help herself so they can come back together, and it is glorious!!!

Source:oliverxfelicity

This scene could have only been improved by some hand holding or other canoodling, but I am more than happy with the scene as we got it!!

Then at last we come to the big reveal. I must say I think they could have and should have given more time and attention to this scene; I can only hope that they didn’t because of all the fluffy parent-to-be-ness that we are about to see unfold over the coming episodes??? Let a girl dream for now at least! Stephen and Emily, as usual, killed it with what they had to work with. From Oliver’s gentle acknowledgement of Felicity’s go-to comfort food, mint chip, to Felicity’s explanation of why she didn’t need to kill Diaz; she needed her family to live in the light and their children to know that they would do anything for them….wait, what??? *cue Oliver’s gorgeous confused puppy face* Your children, because…

Source:oliverxfelicity

Felicity’s beautiful smile when she told him, and Oliver’s sappy happy face when he realised….YAAAAAASSSS!!!! My heart exploded!! Then, *end scene* 😡. But you know what, at this moment in time I’m still so floaty-happy for them that I can live with this!

Flash Forwards

Oh my wow I love the Clayton-Smoak-Queen siblings!!! You can clearly see Oliver and Felicity in both of them; but Will is still obviously a mini-Felicity, whereas Mia is SO MUCH OLIVER, which is so bittersweet, given that she seems to have been raised by Felicity alone (WHYYYY?!?! *sobs*).

Source:oliverxfelicity

Mia, it seems, has a somewhat typical love/hate relationship with her Mother, which I’m sure lots of us can identify with. On one hand she clearly resents Felicity’s paranoia, her insistence on ‘bonding’ with things such as the Rubik’s cube and tech, which she doesn’t seem to have an interest in, but then her love for her shines through with her insistence of going after her alone (hello mini Oliver) and the line “my Mom is the only person I care about” 😭😭😭

Source:ebett

Then our gorgeous grown up Will 😍 is all Felicity in his belief in Oliver as a hero and his techy geekdom, but HELLO OLIVER in the way he instantly loves and sticks up for his sister (even with them arguing, he just softened, and even turned on Dinah when she questioned Mia) and talks about family, despite how he has come to feel abandoned by Olicity. That last line in his scene with Mia where he says “Well did it work?” could have been spoken by Stephen himself; his expression, his intonation…perfect Oliver impression Ben, well done, A+! They work so well together on screen; I loved their back-and-forth in their scenes. I can’t wait to see them interacting more, especially, I hope, in the all FF episode. I think they will be a force to be reckoned with!

The bro-sis Rubik’s cube solving champions discover the mini answering phone cassette, which Mia can’t even comprehend; “can you hack it?” lol (makes me feel suuuper old). This has surely got to at least contain some of Olicity’s attempts to contact William, to let him know he wasn’t abandoned, and at most, another of Felicity’s clues. I just can’t wrap my head around the blatant plot-hole that is Olicity not ever managing to get in touch with William, even with the crazy tech skills on both ends of the dynamic?? I call bullshit! I need to know what’s going on guysssss!!!

Elsewhere, Connor supposedly didn’t know about Mia’s heritage (so no baby OTA growing up together *sad face*), except he secretly did cos his adopted father Dig asked him to watch over her! So Connor isn’t JJ?? Where is JJ?? ISTG Larry if you erased another baby Diggle I will travel through time and kill you myself!! Connor and Mia are clearly super close (shipping them already), and the hurt on Mia’s face when she found out Connor had lied to her the whole time broke my heart!! I also need a scene with Roy and Mia soon; did anyone else notice how as soon as Mia revealed her parentage, he dropped his bow from pointing on her…YAAAAASS UNCLE ROY!!! But why does no one but Dig know about Mia’s existence???? Did Olicity go into hiding?? Is this why they never managed to contact William again? Whaaaat??? Je suis confuse!!!

Bonus: Future OTA, or FTA, if you will, is totally going to be a thing I’m sure of it! The actors seem so much fun and are always interacting on social media/live tweeting etc. It is so nice to have cast so actively participating in promotion this year. It’s at a point now where I would definitely give a next generation series a watch, and I can’t wait for the all flash forward episode now, even though the whole future set-up seems harrowingly disparate from what we would like to imagine. I need to know more damnit!!

OTA/Delicity

OTA has finally (just about) reunited!!!! It’s only been 6437280462308 years guys!! Dig finally realises he’s been keeping the Diaz secret from Olicity for too long, so he offers them up the truth, in a “SPONTANEOUS OTA MOMENT”. Honestly, Felicity’s sass in this scene and all the Dig scenes to be fair is just a beautiful thing to see. Felicity rightfully tells John that this is the second time he has prioritised his ARGUS work over his friends’ safety and he looks rightfully ashamed of himself. Oliver naturally doesn’t agree with using Diaz, but has suddenly become official OTA reconciliator, and trusts Dig to get shit done, eventually offering his help with Felicity’s blessing and assistance.

With OTA officially back in the field and like 57 things going on, Felicity takes her chance on taking out Diaz, confronting him with a gun again, and finally telling him that she is in fact stronger than him, and hence doesn’t need to kill him…Dig is ultimately left to decide between helping Oliver capture Dante, or Felicity stop Diaz and praise the salmon ladder he chooses to help Felicity!!

Source:felicitysmoakgifs

I loved Felicity realising her own strength, and maintaining her ‘light’, seeing and knowing that her teammate finally had her back!! Dig tells her that although Dante was the mission objective, Diaz (and by that he meant Felicity) was his priority!! My Delicity heart!!!!! Dig has one last ace up his sleeve, later telling Olicity that he realised how letting Diaz go last time had hurt Felciity, and that the most important thing should be to just protect his OTA family!!! And just like that, OTA RISES FROM THE ASHES!!!

Bonus: OMG I just realised that the Brothers and Sisters theme of the episode relates to OTA as well!! 😭😍😭😍😭😍

Felicity/BS

When did I become a BS stan?? Who even am I? What do I believe in? 😱 🤷‍♀️🤯

I love Felicity’s relationship with BS. I want to be friends with both of them. I want to drink wine with BS whilst Felicity grumbles about drinking de-caff coffee. I think I need more sleep. Forgive me fandom friends for I have sinned 🙈😂😂

I see people saying that their friendship doesn’t make sense, and no, if you look directly from S6 to now, it doesn’t. But if you watch S7 episode-by-episode you can totally believe that they got to the place they are in now. They’ve grown from reluctant allies, to gaining a mutual respect, to growing to like one another. And the shade is still totally there on both parts from Felicity’s “fake lawyer” (CLASSIC LINE), to BS calling Felicity out on her chocolate consumption haha.

So BS knew about the baby before Oliver did. I am not majorly angry with this because…she just guessed!! Felicity didn’t tell her. Felicity was mortified that she’d put it all together and begged her to not tell anyone. Our girl was just coming to terms with it herself, and working out how to tell Oliver, which she is perfectly entitled to do.

The scene where BS brings Felicity food and gives her a pep talk was totes adorbs 😍 Do I wish it was the type of conversation Felicity had had with Oliver instead? Sure, and I’m sure we will in the future, and we got different Olicity goodies in this episode in its place.

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

BS is all over Felicity being preggers…I’m wondering if maybe she lost a baby or lost someone with a baby on E2?? She just seems to be all about looking after Felicity, and the baby, to almost an excessive point, with random pregnancy knowledge thrown in there too 🤔

Side-note: I am all about Felicity eating ALL OF THE FOOD in this episode hahaha! “I ate that much choc before I was pregnant” LOOOOOL!! She continues to be the cutest.

Source:felicitysmoakgifs

Emiko/Oliver

Oh Oliver. I feel for him so much with Emiko. He just wants to get to know her, and make up for lost time and poor choices by Robert. He misses Thea. He is blinded by his love for his new sister. This is why whenever they try to tell us ‘Oliver doesn’t trust people’ I’m like HUH?! I see Oliver as probably the most naturally trusting person on the show, only his experiences have proven him wrong so often. He has to believe in others, so he can believe in himself after everything he has been through/done. He gives almost everyone the benefit of the doubt, especially family, even when it’s blatantly obvious that they don’t deserve it. Oliver has such a big heart, and loves his family so deeply and at times, blindly. And here, with Emiko, that is what he is doing (when he should have been at home celebrating baby-making with some more practice baby-making 😉). I don’t like Emiko…oh she’s working with the Big Bad, shocker! I thought that she would turn out dead or a villain, given as she isn’t part of the ‘mark of 4’ gang in the future. I’m not convinced she’s full-on evil though, not yet at least. But the concept of her being a baddie kind of makes sense as to why they’ve made her so unlikeable. That said, I really enjoyed the ‘sibling rivalry’ scenes they shared. Oliver in her personal space “do you have to stand right there?”, Oliver critiquing her arrows, “don’t touch my things!” 😂😂 I do think they spent too much time on them in this episode (even though it was called Brothers and Sisters, I know). I just can’t be bothered to get too involved with her storyline, for the minute at least, as I think it will be temporary.

ARGUS/Diaz

This is my let-down of the episode, (and every episode) but you can’t win them all! Suicide squad blah, Diaz blah, Virgil (isn’t he a Thunderbird??) blah, Dante (Highlander!)….kinda blah! The shame is, I think Dante could’ve been a far better villain if they’d made me know/care about him earlier in the season? Maybe they can rescue him? I mean, Prometheus didn’t really come into his own until the last few episodes, so I guess there’s hope???

But Diggle quit-yaaaay!! Bye bye ugly security guard outfit!!

LIZARD BOY GOT LIT UPPPPP!!!

Burn bay burn!! Bye bitch!! I’m pretty sure this is the episode that the actor tweeted his goodbyes after? What a sorry exit if so *evil laugh*. There’s a fair bit of speculation over who killed him, but unless it was Felicity sneaking in in the dead of night to do so, I struggle to care 🤷‍♀️

Massive thank you to the gif makers; you have made this long-ass post more colourful 😘

#arrow #arrow 7x14 #olicity #arrow season 7 #OTA #FTA #beccie's brain #sorry this is so long #but I had to let my thoughts escape

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