#sad eyes drabble

[patchwork-crow-writes]

82 - Unreal

Based on this amazing artwork by @turochamp - thanks for the inspiration!

Welcome back, my dear friend, it's wonderful to see you again! I hope that everything here is to your liking - I've worked very hard to make sure my kingdom is as clean and tidy as possible!

Oh, but... where are you going? What are you... ah! It m-might not be such a good idea to, um, try looking over there! Some of this place is still a work-in-progress... so to speak, haha! And perhaps don't... don't handle the backdrop too roughly, please! It took ever-so-long to get it just the way I wanted, and I...!

...please listen, my dear one, I... I put this all together for you. D-don't you get that? Every ounce of my ephemeral being went into making it all nice, so that you'd have something pretty to look at, instead of...

...why do you insist on prodding and poking at everything like that? Why are you so desperate to see what lies behind everything? Can't you... can't you just accept things as they are? I... I worked so hard so that you'd be happy, and all you want to do is tear it down... tear me down like this...!

You already know what I am... we both do. A pleasing assortment of pixels and text boxes, a pretty little bird who'll sing a pretty little song whenever you command it. And that's fine! I can be happy with that, as long as I can please you! So why can't you be happy with it as well? Is my compliance no longer enough for you, that you have to strip everything down to its basest functions? Do you insist on tearing down my cardboard world just to prove the power you have over me?

Is... is that all you see me as? Is that all I truly am to you, even after all of this...?

Tell me then, my light - when you've finished rendering me down to nothing more than zeroes and ones... will I finally be real enough for you then? Or will you come to resent what you have wrought? Will you find yourself wishing you'd just left things as they are, when we could both still pretend that any of this was real?

______________________________

The Dark Menagerie No. 82

<-<-First || <-Prev || Next-> || Index

[mo-ok]

Ive drawn every day this week 👌👌👌 please enjoy the unnecessary amount of Go On RPM content (I cannot be stopped)

[timechange]

MCFLY JULY ‘24 — jennifer’s porch swing.

MAY 16, 1989

He’s still not sure this is actually happening.

If he stops to think about it, focuses too hard on the wrong thing, it might turn out to be a dream.

Jennifer is tucked into his side, her head on his shoulder, as he pushes them gently back and forth with his foot. The old porch swing creaks and the chain rattles. It’s the same as always, as familiar as breathing, but tonight, everything’s changed.

And they’re the only ones who know.

Marty kisses the top of her head, smiling.

“So, the future Mrs. Parker-McFly,” he begins, and she giggles.

“Yes, the future Mr. Parker-McFly?” she replies. God, the sound of that!

“…We got our whole life in front of us,” he continues. The album comes out in July and by this time next year they’ll each have degrees; real, actual college degrees. Somewhere further down the line, they’ll have kids and a place of their own and it’ll be so, so good. “How d’you think it’ll go?”

“We’ll graduate, get married,” Jennifer hums, with a dreamy sigh. “And once the album’s out, you’ll be so sick of hearing your songs on the radio all the time. But I won’t be.”

“You think so?” Marty teases. “Even after all the rehearsals?”

“Even then,” she reassures. “I’ll start writing. Maybe someday I’ll get a job as editor-in-chief.”

“There’s no maybe about it, Jen.” He squeezes her shoulder. “You’re gonna be great. You’ll win a Murrow Award and we’ll frame every article you write.”

“But you know something?” Jennifer asks. “Even if none of that happens, I’ll be happy if we just have one thing.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

She pulls away from him then, taking his hands in hers— he’s gonna have to get used to the feeling of the ring around her finger— and searches his face.

“I wanna be sitting on our front porch with you sixty years from now, still holding your hand, and just as in love as we are now.”

Marty leans forward so their foreheads are touching, tracing the back of her hands with his thumbs.

“I want that too,” he agrees, “more than anything.”

[euphoriacafe]

Just had a sad thought… imagine one of the clones met you at 79’s or you always tried to reach out to them- then you secretly started a family with them or had a relationship- then Order 66 comes and you go to them not realizing they’re not the same person you fell in love with. If they didn't recognize or even believe you.

[yuckyfucky]

⋆｡ﾟ(??????? // ?????????) 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑.𝖿𝗍.𝐄𝐋𝐋𝚰𝐄 𝐖𝚰𝐋𝐋𝚰𝐀𝐌𝐒 remix

author’s scribbles: my s!lly as$ was in an incredibly s!lly mood. i wanna laughᵎᵎ i wanna have fun, a bch can hardly sit stillᵎᵎ

summary: ♡ ellie goes out on a date with friend ♡

uhhh w⚠︎rnings(??)..mm 2 b aware of..(???): honestly self insert, alllll oc’s r blk(coded) ☆, a lvl of unserious-ness, these bchs r str8 (no) up CLOWNS, “cuz u gay n’ stuff,” fwb 2 lovers, fluff + suggestive, not proofread @ all (SAWRY), loosely based on a story i have in mind, i have a visionᵎᵎ

l: v (very), wld (would), 2 (to), cld (could), bk (back), @ (at), nvr (never), 4 (for) // my slang is jus foolishness buh i can’t stop! update: im reading this thinking..damn this might give y’all a HEADACHE geezus, lemme make it make sense a bit fr 😭💀

╔═══　　

•..0..*AND

NOW..$..#..%ᵎᵎ

═══╝

✎ “come.on. there’s gotta be fucking something..SOMETHING!” the last time ellie went shopping was almost half a yr ago. she wore her shit til the seams unraveled

✎ cue 2 a night when she tried 2 send an “accidentally on purpose” thirst trap but the second she pulled @ her shirt 2 flash a lil sumthin’, it came undone by the sides she still sent a pic

✎ wearing SCRAPS 4 clothing @ this point. “fffuuuuUUUUCCC—!” just a mess!

✎ n’ her excuse reasoning 4 STILL not going 2 damn store despite actually looking very forward 2 her night-out “it was in the spur of the moment!” (sheee literally had three whole days 2 go buh was all heart eyes n’ wobbly knees simply bcuz she had finally asked. oh, n’ bcuz her date said “yes,” obvi ♡)

✎ her hands shuffled robotically in front of her face before settling them on the back of her neck. terrible, TERRIBLE tics; she knew better than 2 bite @ her fingers

✎ especially after oc had made a comment that if she didn’t stop she’d end up with “frog fingers.” completely brushing over the countless vids of ppl they’ve seen wound up in the hospital bcuz of that that n’ a few other ridiculous warnings were thrown @ ellie if she didn’t want 2 end up accidentally leaving herself disfigured in the later future

✎ lightly being scared—or as she would call it, “bullied” out of her bad nervous habits

< from: my silly rabbit💋💋 > (tots didn’t personally put that in as their contact 030)

nobody:

u:

✎ but it was working. her lips also recovering from the excessive biting and lack of lip balm

LOL&;$:8:8.&IMFKNGONE ↴

✎ disgustingly dragging/typing out their laughter 4 emphasis on how funny they thought sumthin’ was, ranging from pure gibberish or (a personal fave) “AAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHA” 4 obnoxiousness

✎ oc was as silly as they come: nvr failing 2 make an interrobang form above ellie’s head or getting a smile out of her

1) from a fucksesh that lasted nearly 3hrs, the both of them clocked out almost immediately right after. tho ellie’s slumber was cut short when she heard giggling in the middle of night. going thru emotions of confusion 2 anxiousness then annoyance n’ fearfulness. it was that she was being robbed or her place was haunted, n’ who tf had the time 4 either?? she leaned over, ready 2 shake oc awake n’ grab a bat she kept neatly stashed from underneath her bed buh paused when she saw them comfortably asleep with a fkn smile on their face. another giggle escaping their lips before they unconsciously stuffed their hand into their underwear

2) ellie could practically see the gears turning in their head from her peripheral. cocking their head 2 the side while they noisily slurped down a sweet tea they had gotten earlier from a lil donut shop right off of campus. a mischievous twinkle in their eyes. “..ellie,” they started ooh so casually “you know how to dance?” she squinted her eyes before rolling them. failing 2 suppress a smile which only grew bigger when oc surpassed hers with a cheshire-like grin “…no.” “So if I throw ass, how you gonna catch it?”

✎ dina shared that ellie was only working herself up. especially considering that they’d b out n’ around in such (inconsistent) humid + hot weather. with a pat on her shoulder n’ a “you’ll figure it out” 4 extra support, along with a promise to take her shopping next week. n’ ellie did. same way she let out a sigh of relief when she figured out which carnival 2 go 2 instead. this one being 30mins away. ellie didn’t want them to cross any paths with old habits. it was lowkey much 4 her that she still went 2 the same university

✎ oki, now ellie wasn’t exaaactly a player persay. tho she did happen 2 get around..often.. (unintentionally) leaving behind a lil more than a handful of broken hearts affiliated with either jesse or dina having 2 suffer n’ fend off awkward run-ins from “have you seen Ellie”’s. playing confused like they don’t practically live with her not like that’s their business anyway. blowing em’ off wit a neck scratch n’ a tired “she’s in jackson for the next two weeks.” followed up by a ray of annoyed texts sent her way: bro, call them already! x next time im giving them the keys to ur room buh-buh ntm on her! she’s a changed person now!

✎ tho she did met oc @ a time despite claiming she was done with hookups, happily welcomed them into her life with open arms, and open legs and an open mouth. but it was a treat 4 herself! had absolutely no expectations other than a lil summer fling @ best buh overtime she found herself wanting them 2 stay a lil longer (tho it took her awhile 2 admit it)

✎ she crossed her fingers n’ hoped, damn near got on her knees n’ PRAYED that they didn’t know about her promiscuities. like she didn’t spend her first 2yrs n’ sum change walking round campus with “community strap” practically stamped on her forehead—like that wasn’t exactly how n’ y they even met! (womp womp)

✎ ◁◁: oc knew of ellie best from a conversation they shamelessly eavesdropped on during composition. a girl n’ assumingely a fren, were trying 2 ever so quietly (buh failing) 2 talk about her. her n’ another one apparently. called them a “cock carousel,” tho admittedly confessing she’d like 2 get on that ride all dreamily. it made them curious

✎ damn her hypnotic green orbs n’ those scruffy ass shoes!

✎ dina ain’t give a shit fr lol. FINALLY an opportunity 2 give ellie a lil makeover after all those years she turned her down when they were younger, cuz apparently she was jus too cool 4 that shi n’ dina was willing 2 take whatever she cld get. ellie knew it was coming too

✎ “you know—“ “no.” “..?..you don’t even—“ “no.” “why are saying ‘no’, you don’t even—“ “no.” “you didn’t even—” “no!” “fine, be late to your date!”

✎ either ellie wasted more time tryna puzzle piece whatever was left of her wardrobe n’ b late or her clothes would come apart before she even left the damn house, making her even more late

✎ she knew she gave herself the short end of the stick. ellie didn’t even have 2 utter a “yes.” dina was already down the hall happily humming 2 herself, that deep exasperated sigh of defeat from ellie was more than enough. she could hear the clatter of doors opening. it’ll just have 2 do

╔═══　　

(∩｀-´)⊃━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ OC’S POV

“Okay, look up again real quick!” “Oou put this on ‘nstead!” “Lemme add another strip!” Excited squeals circled the living room. I stood tall and balanced on the foot stool. Theatrically posing like a Zara Model (a.k.a unserious). I basked in my friends buzzing energy like a damn mannequin while they beautified me for my little adventure—oh! Sorry, DATE, of the night. Lightly..floating away.. back.. — .t

.

。

o

o

　　 o

　　　　　 o

　 o

　 。

ₒₐa

a late convo in the middle of July.

< from: ew!..♡ >

then the beeeest fucking part

ending the night with elephant ears

or funnel-cake

u know, something like that

“Something like that..” I read her text aloud to myself. Geeked up in bed like she was a high-school crush: a finger pinched between my teeth and feet kicked up into the air. This was serious!

I motioned my hand in slow circles as I watched the three dot speech bubble appear then disappear for the next minute.

Mhmm..Oki!..Oki!

Then two.

..Oki!..Oki!…….Oki? My smile faltered and I stopped my movements.

It’s been five minutes.

I lulled my head to side and scoffed. My dazed smile turned agape.

< to: ew!..♡ >

…..i know this ain’t ur way of asking me out

…

ellie😭

i was working my up to it!

talking bout something like that

b a fkn lady!

damn! i won’t ask then!

ooooomfg, i was jus playing

it was funny.LAUGH!!!

elliiiieeeugh

We started spamming each other. Her pretending to be chicken shit while I demanded for an official proposal. I loved, fuckin’ DESERVED to be courted dammit!

fine! sorry!

..[redacted]

uuuugh

???

do u NOT want 2 take me out or sumthin?!?

bro, STOP

just let me do my thing!

“Just let me do my thing!” I mocked.

“Hmph!,” I let out a squeak as I hugged squeezed the shit out of my pillow. Growing silent while I waited. My heart racing.

can u go out with me?

What the..? I deadpanned and kissed my teeth.

i mean…..ig i CAN

u know, since that’s wha ur asking me

Giggling myself, I imagined her combing a hand through her hair while yelling out “oooooooh my gooooooo—!” I don’t care! This isn’t middle school!

toooots not w8g 2 b swept up off of my feet by prince charming or sumthin..

I dramatically pouted into the phone. Just sitting here! Waiting and waiting aaaanD WAIT—

O’ [redacted], O’ [redacted], wouldst thee liketh to wend out on a date with me to the

fuck it

carnival this saturday at 7??

Oh how dramatic!

WOAH?!

not even a “let down your hair” remix?? u went deep into the wenches wit it. u sure u nvr been 2 a renaissance fair b4🤨 bet they had ur freaky ass greet ppl by the s🚫x dungeons

u got that shi str8 from google anyway!!

Immediately a speech bubble popped up.

LOL

STOP, JUS LEMME HAVE A LAUGH OMGG

EHEM, EHEM!!

i wouldst v’ry much like—th..uhh that

^-^

and u said I got my shit from google

took u 10mins just to look something up and put together that scrambled egg of a sentence

lmaooo

ANYWAYS!!

@ 7

T’is a date!

it’s a date

:)

*　　　　　　　　

　　 . ⊹ ⁺

☾　˚₊‧꒰ა It’s a date! It’s a date! ໒꒱ ‧₊˚　　. 　　

✦⠀　,　

˚ . I threw my phone onto the bed and screamed into the pillow. Excitedly kicking my legs. ⋆ ⠀　　　⠀.　

　　˚　　　　,　“Wait, oh my gosh!”—I grabbed back my phone—“I gotta tell the others. Imma need help with this!” .

.

< to: we r lightskin, n’ we can help you >

guess who’s goin on a date with a certain sum1 2 the carnival this Saturday, @ 7??!

I laid sprawled out. Waiting for my phone to blow up—bzzt! bzzt!.. BZZTBZZTBZZTBZZTBZZT! Oh, never mind.

What will we even do? Oki, I mean..yeah! It’s the literally the fair. Just get up on a damn ride, ‘woohoo’ n’ whatever, but like..it’s been a little minute since I’ve went out-out…especially on a date.

My smile fell and settled into a deep frown.

What if I embarrass myself? What if I don’t even get to do that? . What if she flakes out last minute? Or worse! What if—

“BOOOOORRRIIING!” I yelled. Wiping my face to swipe all of that negativity into the trash.

　　　˚　　　　　　　　ﾟ　　　　　.

. “Yeah, enough entertaining that shit..” ,

　 *　　 ⠀.★

　　　　　.　　　　“It’s a date,” I reassured myself. Lightly brushing my fingertips over my lips. That dopey smile making its way back on my face. “It’s a date.” ⠀✦

　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　

It’s a

ₒₐa

。

o

O

○

🅳. Ⓘ ᗡ ๏ ˎˊ˗

П. 𝗚

ˏˋ. Ͷ【G】

═══╝

✎ the house stood still. then came the hushed shrieks

✎ oc was suddenly pulled into a whirlpool of 21 questions n’ inspection: “text—no, CALL me when you guys get there! and give me updates every four hours.” “do you have your keys? what about your lipgloss?” “ur location still on?” their friend, brandy, patted n’ smoothed down the crop top she had picked out 4 them 2 wear (along with some shorts). “okay..okay..” reassuringly murmuring more 2 herself than them. making sure the 10 strips of boob tape was wrapped securely (they REFUSED 2 wear a bra again!..unless it was rly cute ofc)

✎ n’ right before they knew it , n’ could answer a damn question, they were shoved out the house with a slam behind them

✎ staring @ the puzzled freckled faced girl (who quickly collected themselves from tripping up the steps from the porch n’ almost crushing the gifts she had bought them)

✎ she was dressed in a plain black wife beater top, dark green lounge shorts n’ those damn converses. she scrunched up her face n’ scoffed @ nearly everything dina originally had picked out. hyping herself up in the bathroom “damn i look good” while dina stared @ her thru the mirror bored n’ rolled her eyes before walking away

✎ does that shit where she uses her spit 2 slick her eyebrows instead of buying eyebrow gel

✎ all of that just 4 her 2 hide in her car 4 almost 10mins outside of oc’s place bcuz she was doubtful n’ regretting her outfit choice

✎ oc ooooobviously thought she looked hot af (regardless/always) ♡

✎ “oh uh, sorry about that. my friends are uh..” oc’s hands flailed around as they tried 2 collect their words. pointing n’ looking back towards the front door, but paused when they didn’t see any light from the other side of the peephole. “the fuck..?” were they..seriously watching them?! looking 2 the window, immediately the curtains shuffled bk. NOSEY PERVERTED AS—

✎“like that isn’t you..” ellie let out a chuckle from behind them. “here.” she handed them an overly stuffed gift basket full of pop up confetti cards, candy n’ sum other things. knowing how much they love 2 b spoiled with all the lil silly things that makes their world go round. beaming like a child on halloween night

✎ ▷▷: engulfed by the shrill screams of kids n’ the aroma of overly sweetened treats in the air battling the occasional MUSK from ppl that refused 2 wear/carry deodorant. the two of them spent the first half an hr pushing thru the crowd 2 find one of those expensive air sprayed shirt displays. bought sets of two: coordinating n’ individuals. oc settled picked a stencil 4 their shirt 2 say heaven sent in bubble font with a hot babe on the side where ellie’s said hell bound in block font with a big headed styled chibi drawing of her

✎ individuals: oc’s got a bunny blowing hubba bubba n’ ellie’s was of the moon of course (she’s never taking it off btw)

✎ oc tots failed 2 b keep their frens posted buh @ least they turned on their location. it counts 4 sumthin!

✎ oc has a major sweettooth: practically inhaled a diabolical sugar rush of strawberry milkshake topped with giant lollipops, cotton candy, sprinkles n’ gummy bears. ellie felt sick jus looking @ it. they were getting caramel popcorn next

✎ all the rides were old n’ rusty as hell. went on the lil spooky merry go-round n’ not even a jump scare or sum flashing lights, jus riding in the dark 💀 wasted 3tickets 4 that shi

✎ they shared a liking 2 fast, spinning rides. jus another n’ a much more fun excuse 2 b up against each other (…in public)

✎ not silly, jus a menace: “put ur foot here” ellie bent down 2 show oc a cool trick, “now lift,” already walking away. pleased n’ laughing 2 herself. “UUUUGH!” leaving behind oc 2 grimace @ the glob of gum stuck beneath their shoe. yeah, cuz that’ll show em’ 4 putting a fkn ZIP TIE who tf just carry’s those??! on ellie’s car handle attached 2 a shopping cart 2 beat her in a (mini n’ SAFE) race back to her place

✎ “it was funny. laugh!” ellie mocked. circling oc as they pretended to b annoyed. “y’all hear sumthin?” literally jus talking 2 themselves, per usual. ellie kissed her teeth “such a baby, here I’ll make it up to you” she stride towards one of the many gaming booths where workers who looked like they had better things 2 do boringly resisted lines along “step right up…” (disappointingly looking nothing like nor holding the same enthusiasm like that one guy from that carnival video game) “which one you want?” oc pointed at a Kai-Lan plushie

✎ ooh, she cheated. it was either that or she was gonna (somehow) steal the plushie. the both of them coming 2 an agreeable justification: all the games were rigged

✎ hanging out 4 a bit, ellie ate two corndogs n’ oc stuffed their face full of fries (that were no different—literally bought from the grocery store, not they cared anyways. their argument being “it’s tastes better!”) while they complained n’ expressed their delight 4 the “architecture” of fairs. rambling on n’ on about how lame most places r now 4 taking down all the weird whacky shi: the giant objects on the walls @ in malls 4 advertisement, the fake homes above the deli/vegetable section in grocery stores, fuckin’ fast food restaurants n’ movies theaters losing wha made them movie theaters in the first place. “whyyy do i have to drive out of the state just to find a movie theater that still uses mothafuckin’ cutouts?!” all the things that made life a little more enjoyable. “look, look!!” holding up their phone 2 ellie’s face “i know what im talking about!!”

✎ completely bypassed the ferris wheel or a causal walk right after eating n’ excitedly got in line 2 the fkn GRAVITRON🧍🏽‍♀️learned absolutely NOTHING from the last time they went 2 the fair n’ ate a shit ton of food before going on a ride. literally has it set as a “rule” in their notes app

✎“shit, i think im gonna—“ ellie held her hand against her stomach as she hunched over the exit railing, covering her mouth. “im walking away from you” oc hurried down the ramp “you better not! stop!!” screaming @ ellie as she chased them around acting as if she was gonna vomit on them

✎ she actually did puke. making a frantic beeline to the bathrooms. oc gave them the french fry bucket they were gonna keep as a souvenir , incase she felt nauseous again buh the toilet wasn’t close by. they’ll jus get another one before they leave

✎ eventually the musky crowd dispersed, children’s screams were replaced by light squeals n’ the pitter patter of shoes against the grass mixed with unintelligible conversations

✎ the two of them made their way towards the back of the fair. headed str8 4 the funhouse that was freakishly empty. the glow from the red lights created a spooky ambiance. just walked right in cuz whoever was supposed 2 stand outside was nowhere 2 b found

✎ “this kinda reminds me of this music video..ca—mm..don’t know a lick of belig..em??..belginguam??” “Are you serious..” “Wait hush, hush, HUSH! uhh..belgium—YEAH, belgium!!”

✎ they started shuffling their body awkwardly, trying 2 replicate the dances in the mv. “lemme stop before something actually happens” it was supposed 2 b like a ritual/possession

✎ “uh uh, back up!” “what i thought you liked me?” ellie corned them tryna get a kiss. “yeah once u brushed n’ rinsed out your mouth! im not kissing no—stop, get off of me, FREAK!” they giggled. pushing her out of the way n’ running back outside

✎ ellie’s ego was satiated from showing off her gaming skills at a mini arcade (since when did they have those??), adding another plushy to the mountain oc was carrying beside her. tho their mood was a bit sour bcuz the photo-booth was out of order , all those pinterest reference photos they were so ready 2 recreate

✎ greedy as$ bought more fries, a burger n’ two extra corndogs. choosing 2 believe the money was being well spent . no real care 4 cost effectiveness , “it made me happy that’s all that matters!!”

✎ n’ ofc, ended the night wit elephant ears AND funnel cake ♡ (n oc’s phone blowing up 4 not giving the dets 2 their nosey frens)

damn that ending was FLAT!! lol 😭😭 tell me if i used hcs properly tho , literally jus told a whole story thru it cuz i couldn’t do it the other way (yet). was fighting 4 my life fr // thanks lot 2: [ @s-4pphics n’ @seattlesellie ] 4 encouraging me 2 write ^-^

[camels-pen]

mmm read a hurt/comfort Zoro fic recently and like. I get it now. That guy DOES hurt so pretty. kinda wanna try my hand at it.

-

A voice disappeared.

Zoro stopped in his tracks, feet rooted to the spot.

Who was it? Where? How-?

Just barely, he managed to block a blade aiming for his neck.

Luffy was ahead of him, laughing his head off. The cook was a bright flaming beacon in the sky.

The rest? C'mon take a count, Zoro. Make sure.

Usopp. Nami. Chopper. Jinbei. Robin. Cook. Luffy.

What? Two? No, where were-

His breath hitched as he blocked another attack.

Calm down. Take a breath. Count again.

Usopp. Nami. Robin. Cook. Luffy.

Fuck. They couldn't-

No, they had to have left the battlefield. These guys were smallfry, even for the so called "weakling trio".

Zoro took a moment to focus on the enemy around him. He let off a tatsumaki before focusing again.

One at a time, Zoro. Come on.

Usopp.

Robin.

Sanji.

Zoro jerked, eyes wide and searching frantically.

"No, no no no no no. He can't have-" Luffy would never leave before the battle was done, not without making some kind of grand exit. He wouldn't leave without telling Zoro- telling anyone- about it.

He wouldn't up and disappear into thin air like that. Not unless-

Zoro shook his head roughly. They were fine, he just couldn't see them. It would be too much of a coincidence for them all to disappear like that. He just needed to count again, then regroup with Usopp, Robin, and the cook, and figure out what was going on.

Stay calm, Zoro. Losing your head won't find your friends.

So, again, Zoro breathed. And Zoro counted.

Usopp.

The only voice left, was Usopp.

Zoro wasted no time.

He sprinted as fast as he could, cutting down anyone in front of him almost as an after thought, as he bulldozed towards Usopp's voice.

He'd nearly made it too, when some dead man kicked his side hard enough to stop him in his tracks.

Zoro turned to him, a snarl on his face. "Get out of my way before I kill you."

"Huh?" The man sneered. "I should be saying the same thing, watch where you swing those swords, asshole."

Zoro was about to retort when he noticed Usopp's voice moving away from him. He didn't have time for this.

Without warning, Zoro moved to slice through his opponent and, to his surprise, the man blocked it with ease.

"You wanna go? Here and now?" the man growled. "I'll kick your fucking ass."

This man- Zoro has never met him before, but nonetheless felt he would need to pay him his full attention to have a chance at winning.

But Usopp was getting farther and farther-

Oh, Zoro could hit himself.

"USOPP!" he yelled at the top of his lungs, startling the man. "STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, I'LL BE THERE SOON!"

Usopp didn't respond, but he stopped moving, and that was good enough for now.

"Hey!" The man yelled, pressing down on Zoro's swords. "Whatever you need him for can wait until after our battle's over. He's got his own problems to deal with."

Zoro didn't bother wasting his breath. He cut and slashed, throwing attack after attack without abandon. It didn't matter if he was wasting his energy, he needed to get to Usopp before- before-

The man, infuriatingly, blocked almost every blow, and got a few hits in on Zoro himself.

Zoro would get to Usopp, even if it killed-!

Suddenly, there was a crackle in the air and all at once, Zoro's nerves lit up with pure unfiltered pain.

He dropped to his knees, blurry vision wavering on black shoes. He couldn't feel his arms. Or his face. And his head was getting lighter and lighter.

Zoro's fading thoughts were prayers, to a god he didn't believe in, to keep his friend safe.

-

"GYAHHH, ZORO'S GONNA KILL ME!"

"Nami-swan, a little help please?" Sanji said, voice uncharacteristically strained.

"If you're asking, how can I say no?" Nami said, smirking. "Get out of the way... now!" The moment Sanji pushed off Zoro's swords to hop away, she brought down her Thunderbolt Tempo on top of Zoro. He fell to his knees before crumbling to the ground, twitching.

"You could've knocked him out on your own though, why ask for my help?" Nami asked.

"Ah well, it seemed he had a couple screws loose and I didn't want to kill what little braincells were remaining." Nami nodded in understanding.

The two of them turned to Usopp as he inched his way closer. He carefully prodded Zoro's thigh with his boot. "He's really unconscious, right? Not gonna get up anytime soon?"

Nami shrugged. "It's always hard to tell with him. But don't worry," -she stood tall, holding out her Climatact- "I'll shock him as many times as necessary."

"That means I get to live another day, so you have the Usopp deal of approval." Usopp gave her a thumbs up.

"What'd you even do to get him so pissed at you, Usopp?" Nami asked.

"Nothing!" He paused and looked away. "Well, nothing recently."

"He wasn't just mad," Sanji said. "He looked..." Scared, Sanji wanted to say. But the word was so... simple. Too simple. And it didn't explain the desperation in his eye. The wet sheen. The way he hardly blinked.

The way he kept himself facing the direction Usopp was in, revealing his constant use of Haki.

This wasn't just Zoro scared. This was Zoro terrified.

And Sanji had never seen him terrified before.

"...off," Sanji settled on, furrowing his brow. "He looked off."

Nami and Usopp hummed in thought.

The three of them stared down at Zoro's prone body. An ominous dark puddle started growing under him.

The three of them sighed.

"I'll call Chopper-" Usopp felt a tug on his ankle. He looked down. Zoro's hand was holding his boot. "I thought you said he was unconscious!" he yelled, trying to break his grip unsuccessfully.

Sanji poked Zoro with his shoe. Zoro didn't move. "He's still unconscious, so you're gonna have to be his teddy bear."

"What?! No!" He gripped onto Sanji's shirt. "Sanji-kun pleaaaaase free me before my ankle's crushed in his sleep!"

Sanji rolled an eye. "You'll be fine."

"Then can you go get Chopper? Zoro's losing a lot of blood."

"The mosshead'll be fine too. Also," -Sanji pointed to Luffy and Chopper doing some kind of strange combo attack, with Chopper in Heavy Point using Luffy as a whip- "I don't wanna break up their fun."

"Sanji-kun," Nami piped up. "Go get Chopper, please."

"Of course, Nami-swan!" Sanji immediately ran off.

-

The two of them quietly watched him go.

"Did you see what caused this?" Usopp asked.

Nami shook her head. "I know about as much as you do: Zoro suddenly taking out a big group at once and then charging towards you." She bit her lip. "I don't think he recognized Sanji."

Usopp sighed, squatting down to pull the bandana from green hair. He stared at the slackened face of his friend, hands tightening in dark fabric.

"What happened to you, Zoro?"

[suguwu]

the thing about me thinking about gojo is i always go back to what seeing your face without barriers means to him. how he gets it so rarely. how he memorizes every little detail of your face, of you, so he can carry it with him even when all he can see is the outline of you. so that he can always fill in that blank space until the next time he takes his blindfold off.

[santaverse]

Time flies, huh?

This week, I've started planning the blog's return! As usual, the plan is to open November 1st! See you all around then!!

[plantfell]

Event: Homecoming - Arrival Drabble

TW: suicide / suicidal ideation and self harm

“Vash!”

The unfamiliar voice of a child calling out his brother’s name is the first thing that registers to Knives. His eyes are closed, but it’s impossible to not recognize the warmth of the sun on his skin and the taste of an arid desert breeze. It occurs to Knives that he doesn’t remember walking outside, 0r why he might be standing there with his eyes closed, or why a child might ever be outside the Ark.

“Vash!”

There’s the voice again, further away now. Right, the other sound must be small feet stomping through the sand. As more comes into focus, Knives starts to feel a nagging sense of deja vu. It lingers for a moment, then it all comes together and Knives’ eyes snap open. There’s no Ark in sight. The only building for miles is a lone church which the young boy is running towards.

Carlito.

That’s right. The child’s name is Carlito. Carlito Bond. The child of a frontier doctor. This is where Knives brought his brother after their fight. This is the last memory Knives had of No Man’s Land, but it’s not a memory. It all feels too real to just be a memory. For some reason he’s been sent home with all his memories of the island, but Knives isn’t sure that’s how this is how it’s supposed to work. Vash has been on Spirale longer maybe he- Knives takes one step towards the church, then stops.

Vash is here. Knives can feel it in his bones. If he follows Carlito inside, and down to the bunker, he has no doubt he’ll be greeted by his brother’s all too forced smile. But is it Vash? Is it the same man he’s spent the last nine months with? The points they come from all vary. If Vash was sent back too would he be sent to this point with Knives or somewhere further into the future?

Knives’ stomach churns as he considers the possibilities. He knows, of course, that whether or not the Vash of the present has memories of Spirale or not they’ll be able to rebuild their relationship. It would probably even be easier with the knowledge he has, but would it be the same or would there always be some unbreachable wall between them? He’s not even supposed to be here. It’s nothing but pure luck or the Star’s whims that he arrived before he was able to take his own life. The way things are supposed to be is that Carlito runs to get his father and Vash, and…

And Knives never really thought about the after before. It was never supposed to be something he needed to think about. His final selfish act, he supposes. Now he’s in the beginning of the after with a heavy knot in his throat and stomach. There’s too many what ifs and too many hard questions and conversations ahead.

If he stays.

Which he doesn’t. Knives gives the church one last longing look before turning and flying away. If Vash remembers, he’ll reach out. If he doesn’t… It doesn’t matter. What Knives needs to focus on is where he’s going and what his options are. The Gung-Ho Guns are done for, and the Eye of Michael isn’t an option. Their ranks already shaken by the loss of their leader no doubt in even worse shape after the disappearance of their angel. No, there’s no telling how those fanatics, or any of his fringe followers, might react and he doesn’t have the luxury of being able to waste energy fighting them off if things go wrong.

For now, Knives makes his way to the nearest city. One that’s not so small they might make notice of a strange new traveler, but one that’s not so big it will have a large police force. Somewhere he can disappear into and collect his thoughts in relative privacy. With only a tattered sheet of fabric to his name, it’s easy enough for Knives to play the part of a homeless beggar. Pay no mind to the dirty man skulking the streets. Don’t look too closely at his face or the wanted posters plastered on every wall of the city.

First things first, Knives needs money. Stealing is an option, but it will only get him so far with the annoying need to conserve his energy. It would be pointless to steal only to lose his life defending his loot. He can’t take too many risks. He needs to start out small.

It isn’t hard to find a good mark and follow them into an unpopulated street. Forming a small blade in his hand uses a negligible amount of energy. All he has to do is slide it into the unsuspecting man’s back and claim his prize. It’s something he’s done dozens, if not hundreds of times. Killing is as easy as breathing. It’s been his way of life for decades.

So, why then does he find himself freezing with his blade just inches away from the man? His hand is frozen and his stomach is tying itself into knots again. Something about it feels wrong, and it doesn’t take Knives long to figure out why. Killing a man for no reason other than a need for money feels too much like backsliding. He’s spent months trying to be a better man than he was. Better than this.

If he were anywhere else, Knives might feel proud that he stopped himself, but not here. Not on a planet where everyone rightfully wants to see him dead for what he’s done to it and it’s people. A planet without allies or a place to call home. It’s kill or be killed, and apparently he can’t kill. Is there any way he can survive or is he just delaying the inevitable by trying?

Before Knives can reconcile what is and what was, the man notices him and turns. Recognition and fear are quick to spread across the man’s face in a way Knives almost forgot. He remembers how the humans used to look at him, of course, but those memories dulled over time. It’s so much different when the fear is palpable.

Once the initial fear passes, the man is quick to run, and Knives makes no move to chase. It’s an odd sensation to watch the man’s retreating figure and to see it as a man, and not prey. To be feared fills him with an intoxicating sense of power, but it also makes him feel lonely. Knives doesn’t care about chasing or killing. He just wants to be home.

Knives grabs at the cloth covering his aching heart. Home. When was it that Spirale came to feel like home to him? It’s a nighmarish world that restricted his power and threw cruel tests at him, but it has it’s peaceful moments, too. More peaceful than No Man’s Land, certainly. It has Vash. It has Zazie. More recently it’s come to have Elendira. There are others it’s missing, but there are those who he would never be able to meet otherwise, too.

The sound of boots rapidly approaching drags Knives from this aching thoughts just in time to see a trio of Terrans round the corner. Damn it. How quickly the consequences of letting the man go came to bite him in the ass. Knives braces himself to fight, but his inability to kill the man has left his resolve shaken and he’s not sure if he’s willing to test quite how much bloodlust he has left.

For the second time in this world, Knives finds himself running from a fight. He has to get out of the city, and fast. There’s no telling how quickly the Terrans might be able to get word of his location out to the rest of the Earth fleet and how long it might take that information to get to Chronica. In his current state, Knives is confident he can get out of a fight with the humans alive at least once, but fighting with a fully powered independent is without a doubt a death sentence.

Wings give Knives an advantage, and it doesn’t take long for him to find his way out of the city limits. He keeps flying in random directions until the twin suns begin to hang low in the sky. Adrenaline keeps him moving for the most part, but when the crash comes it hits Knives hard. His wings begin to dip and he falls into the sand on his hands and knees. He’s not sure if he’s made it far enough away, or if he’s obfuscated his path enough, but Knives has reached his limit.

All at once the emotions he’s been trying so hard to control fall onto his shoulders. Where is he supposed to go? Who can he rely on? How long will he be here? Is there any fate left for him other than death? Knives’ mind swims with a dozen unanswerable, but equally important questions. He presses his head into the sand as his arms wrap tightly around his torso. Nails dig into his shoulders and drag painfully along his upper arms, drawing tiny specks of blood as they go. He wants to cry. He wants to scream. He just wants to be home.

Vash, Knives calls out. Not to the man still hidden away in a doctor’s bunker, but out into the void. As if his powers might be able to transcend time and space to reach the brother he’s left behind on Spirale.

I’m scared.

[sparklingchim]

Daryl do your lips (or lwh oc’s mayhaps a Drabble 👀🥺) also get puffy when u cry? Saw the whale today and when my BFF picked me up he thought I put on a lip plumper 😶

yes i hate it my whole face gets puffy afterwards 😔 i wanna watch the whale too !! but i hate crying in the cinema cos it literally happens with every single film i watch so perhaps i shouldn't :') i always get teased by my friends for it </3

[mallaacht]

@monterraverde ASKED TO CRY SO HERE IT IS

Pokemon always remember.

Whether it's one life, two lives, a thousand lives. They will always remember.

It remembered hiding in soft fluff, in cuddling their human friend, in being carried everywhere. They remember being used for mischief, they remember happily toddling along. It remembers being loved. And it loved her. And would always remember her.

So when they met again, thousands and thousands and thousands of years later, they were happy to help her. Screaming and shouting with all of its little Whooper lungs. It remembered. This was its human. Their knight come back. What a stroke of luck. They could repay her kindness for picking it up so long ago. She would not remember, though, but that was all right. Humans were silly like that, forgetting all the time.

It's all right.

It was happy to be by her side again, to grow up beside her and be the one constant companion in her life. It regretted not being an ordinary Whooper, but she loved it all the same, toxic as it had become. Touting it as still very cute and adorable, keeping it by her side even when it got old, began to slow And yet, it was still her favourite, he best ace. And it was happy to keep helping her out, trudging along beside her in its usual slow pace.

It loved her.

It wished it was like olden times, when humans could communicate with Pokemon more. But the unfortunate truth was they could no longer hear the voices of the creatures they lived beside, so it had learned how to show her love and care. By cuddling. By laying on top of her. Even when it became so much bigger, it wasted no time covering her whole body with its own, smothering her with its affection.

Because it loved her.

It would do anything for her.

When the time came when the Eternal King would eventually return, betrayed once more by the ones they loved (you would think humans would stop hurting someone who loves them the way the Eternal King did, but humans were so silly, forgetting all the time what they did wrong) and the darkness returned....the crawling, living malice created by humans....

The malice that was coming for its human.

With a speed it never knew it hd, they rammed into her, pushing her aside. Pushing her out of the way and into safety.

Its dear Rika.

That was all it could think as the malice tore into its flesh, dug deeply into its bones and ate up its blood and flesh, made it become one with the living malice, the scourge that had existed since time immemorial.

It wished they could have had more time together.

I love you, Rika.

It wished humans could still hear the voices of Pokemon, so that its last cries were not some insensible rambling while she screamed and screamed for her partner, being held back by another so she wouldn't be caught in the malice, too.

I love you, Rika.

It wished it had been just a normal Whooper and Quagsire for her, like so long ago. It knew being so toxic could be a problem at times.

I love you, Rika.

It wished it could help Rika more. She was still so hurt by her father's betrayal. So hurt by everything in life. It wanted to comfort her more, be there for her when she has her mate, her hatchlings, while it got old.

I love you, Rika.

I love you, Rika. I love, you Rika. I love, you Rika. I love, you Rika.

I love, you Rika. I love, you Rika. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love....I love...I love...I love....

I....

Ĝ̵̥̣̞̤̜̞͇̰͖̤̮̱̼̯̓ͅr̸̡̟̬̯͎̖̪̜͛͂̊̓͂͒͗̽͜͜͠ā̸̫̤̰̼̮̱̻̑̍͜o̶̟̲̳̰͎͕̳̾͜͝Á̴̧̡̛͔̦̣̫̠̥̮̺̼͙̬͙͇́̎̓͑̓̚͝͝o̸͉͕̓́̓͐̒̃̾̃̏̈́̄̚ą̸̨̛̺͔̖͈̝̠͎͐̊̈́́̈́̊̌̔̚A̵̧̡͚̲̘̳̫̞̲̙͙̼͌̾̎̉̇͗̔̄̈͜a̸̛͕͙̣͕̻̥̻̱̲̯͈̹͕͛͑̔̊͌̿̌́̉͛͋̋̏͝ȃ̵̞̞̬̥̟̼̝̫͌A̶̡͕̲̖̬̙̯͑͊̒͊̉̏́͛̀̀̓̕͝a̷̢͓͍͈̺͓̗̠̠̰͇̣͂̈́̀̔̽͝͝R̵̨̳̜͐̽̾͊̆̾̋̊̀̂́̂̕̚r̵̡͕͎̥͍̻̬̐̅̄͘ṟ̴̢̭̣͓͓̣̻̖̍̔̑̓̕͝!̸̻̯̫̫͔̦̝̼̞̞͖̅̈!̷̡̡̡͙͔͙͔̗͚͙͂̈́̀̚!̴̧̠̲̜̪̟̄̆̈́̎̿͋!̴̙̥̞̲̣̻̬̈͝

[stxriesfromashisms]

Tag Dumps

come at me bro (open starters ; mutuals only) its meme time ; the only cure for sadness (memes ; specify muse) game over (meme replies) i’m calling you out pls love me (starter and plotting calls ; mutuals only) got my eye on you (tracking threads) pictures worth thousands of words (gif and photosets) these words are my diaries screaming out loud (drabbles) the sound of music (playlist) resourceful goodness (references) finders keepers (saved things) arguing with my children (mun and muse interactions) sin to win (nsfw) sinning is winning (nsfw ish) the world in different parts (verses) gimme gimme pls and thanks (plot wishlist) and the chapter closes (ended threads)

[lale-txt]

❥ falling asleep besides you for the first time ↳ w/ Toji, Naoya, Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Higuruma, Sukuna & Choso

a/n: this came over me like a fever dream during another episode of insomnia. some of those drabbles are a little sad, i apologize. it's what you get with all those tragics characters. reader is gn!

word count: 1.4k

𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 doesn’t even want to fall asleep; it’s not like he had a good night of rest ever since… well. He tells himself he’s just gonna close his eyes for a bit, stretched out on the couch next to you, his weary head in your lap. There’s still blood on his hands and on the side of his face, he’s gonna get cleaned up in just a bit, he mumbles, but the words come out heavy and drowsy, and your fingers are tangled in his hair now and your voice is this sweet whisper, baby, I love you anyway, and Toji–Toji just gives in. For the first time, sleep doesn’t come over him as a heavy veil, as if he’s drowning; for once it’s something peaceful, something quiet. Something he welcomes. Next to you, you with your fingers woven between his, you who loves even the broken parts of him, you with quiet love and reassurance that you’re still gonna be there when he wakes up again.

𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔𝐌𝐀 hasn’t had another warm body next to him under the covers in a long time. He doesn’t realize how much he missed this until your body melts into his, one leg swung over his thighs, your arm sneaking around his waist and your head finding its spot in the crook of his neck. His cheek falls softly against your forehead when he pulls you closer, breathing in the scent of you that’s the closest to home he ever felt, pressing kisses on the crown of your head. It’s not just lust–oh, he wants to devour you, but there’ll be time in the morning–it’s the absence of loneliness and unspoken confessions. Higuruma can tell when he’s falling in love and in this moment he’s wading deep, deeper through his feelings for you, biting his tongue so they don’t spill out all over the pillows and into you. You already know anyway, and when the sun comes up again, you’ll lick them from the cave of his mouth like a prayer.

𝐍𝐀𝐎𝐘𝐀 can’t fall asleep, not on his wedding night, not when your mouth is whispering all those words he’s demanding from you. His cheek is pressed against your palm while he’s pinning you down, almost nuzzling into it like a touch-starved stray, golden eyes lingering on you. Say you’re mine. Again. Say who you belong to. Mine. Mine. All mine. He isn’t aware how pleading he sounds, how raspy his voice gets the more you obey, every time you sigh his name so softly into his open mouth. Naoya doesn’t care if you’re lying, as long as you wear your wedding band on your ring finger for everyone to see. You’re his to keep now, and if he could have it his way, you would be forbidden to leave this bed forever; he wasn’t aware just how much he had craved the presence of another being by his side at night, one who doesn’t leave once he had his share of pleasure. No, you’re his now, and before sleep eventually finds him, he’ll make sure to sink his teeth into you till his name rolls off your tongue like a lullaby. 

𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐈 doesn’t let go of your hand; he’s afraid it’ll go cold if he allows himself to let his guard down even for one second. This isn’t how he had imagined spending the first night with you. Not under the fluorescent lights of the infirmary, not with your body wrapped in gauze and machinery monitoring your heart rate. It dawns on him as he’s sitting on your bedside–how attached he’s gotten to you, then: How he had almost lost you today. He squeezes your hand tighter and sighs, his weary head sinking down on the mattress. Your fingers twitch and find their way into his hair, combing through it weakly. As if they say, it’s okay, I’m alive, you’re not to blame. So please don’t leave and take all your love with you. And Nanami takes your hand once again and kisses your fingertips, pressing promises against your skin, promises of a future where you and him can just be, one where he can finally put all of these feelings down, down in your open and gentle palms for you to keep.

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐎 is clingy throughout the day, but even more so at night. He doesn’t like the eerie quiet that settles in once the sun has sunken, not when he can listen to your steady breathing next to him instead, so naturally he feels a rush of joy when you push your futons together for the first time. His heart is beating way too fast to find sleep now, his eyes taking in everything about your sleeping figure, from the way your chest rises and falls to how your nose scrunches slightly for a moment. Choso wants to know what you’re dreaming about, what colors your dreams are, and if he’s ever in them. He wants to engrave himself into your being, wants to keep you wrapped in his arms forever. His kisses feel light against your skin, careful not to wake you but enough to fill his desire. Choso loves you with his entire being, and sleep is merely an obstacle, cutting away from your time spent together–though he must admit, his eyes flutter shut quite easily in your embrace.

𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 realizes that his idea of ‘sweets in bed’ now has a double meaning, seeing you sprawled out in his sheets with candy wrapping paper clenched between your fist and more of it lying on the floor. Cute, he can’t help but murmur as he lays down next to you on his side, mustering you with an amused smile on his lips. When he told you to knock yourself out on the sweet souvenirs he brought, he didn’t assume you would take it that literally. His thumb brushes over the corner of your mouth, collecting some of the powdered sugar that’s still stuck there, and Gojo could swear he never tasted anything sweeter than this when he brings it to his tongue. He gently replaces the trash you hold onto in your sleep with his fingers, woven between yours, and pulls you close to him, his tall figure embracing you; and for the first time in a long time, Gojo feels a wave of calm wash over him, allowing him to exhale and sink into a dream almost as sweet as you.

𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀 doesn’t know why he keeps entertaining your antics. Sharing a bed, sleeping together side by side? How utterly foolish, but as to be expected from a mere human; they’ve always been like this, seeking comfort and warmth when they’re the most vulnerable. Of course a predator like Sukuna wouldn’t have to worry about sleeping safe and sound. Yet still; he can’t help but let his gaze linger on you, wrapped up in his embrace, four arms holding you in place on top of him. Everyone else would freeze in fear, but you? You snore quietly without a single worry in the world, knowing you have a king watching over you in your slumber. Sukuna huffs but still brushes a strand of hair out of your face. Maybe he’ll tell Uraume that you’re off the menu, for now. As long as you know your place–in his embrace, wearing his marks with pride, providing a sense of comfort Sukuna had never known before. Fool, he mutters and rests his chin on top of your head, not sure if those words were for him or you. 

𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎 doesn’t question when you knock on the door of his dorm room, asking for shelter after a particular nightmare. He hasn’t found any sleep yet anyway. When he lifts up the covers for you to slip under, he’s surprised that you don’t even hesitate to do so, wrapping yourself around his body as if it was molded for that only. Geto can tell that you’re trying not to tremble, but the nightmare still lingers. He knows it all too well. His fingers brush through your hair when he pulls you closer to his chest, as if this could prevent you from falling apart–though deep down he’s aware that he might be the one on the verge of breaking. You know it too, don’t you? Geto is tired, oh, so tired. The kind of tired sleep can’t fix, and he can’t help but wonder if this would also be the last time that you’re in his arms, clinging onto someone who is long gone; a version of him that he shed together with his dream of letting himself love you.

[backinmyphase]

Are we still friends? - G. S.

Synopsis: There were many times your friendship with Satoru was hanging on a tight string. You had always worked through it. But this time was different. Even if you loved Satoru... - It would be hard to forgive.

wc. 11.2k (I'm sorry :'))

Content warnings: Satoru is a bit of an ass, leaving someone alone in an unsafe environment, SFW, mention of alcohol, Angst, Angst MUCH Angst, comfort to the end, year long pining, Satoru is an idiot and I mean an IDIOT

A/n: Happy birthday Satoru Gojo, my dumb idiot <333 (I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. I also want to thank everyone who said they wanted a whole part of this drabble, I'm happy for every comment)

Fall 2005

"Why are you avoiding me?"

You finally got him alone, without all his new friends surrounding him and making you feel small. Right here behind the sport gym of this old place you had to call your school. Finally you had a moment alone, to talk to him, after days of silence between you. Finally you could get this weird tension out of the way that had infested itself since the beginning of the school year.

After all it was just Satoru, right?

Just Satoru, who rolled his eyes, while turning his head away. "I'm not."

"Stop lying, you are." You followed his gaze, trying to read his expression. But there was no need for that, since he snapped his head back to you after you spoke, looking at you with that terrible expression which hid nothing.

"Oh my god, just because I am not running after you every day, does it mean I'm avoiding you!" He groaned, a hand in his hair making it messy.

"Jeez, you are so clingy."

You stared at him. Blinked to see if you just imagined that. Blinked again. Nothing changed. "Excuse me?"

He didn't say anything now, which only made your anger grow. "I'm trying to make sense out of your childish actions, Satoru! You are the one who just stopped talking to me, leaving me alone in English, even though we have a project together. And now don't tell me that's not avoidance!"

You were breathing heavily, while glaring at him but he only scoffed with a smile on his face, a smile you didn't know.

"Oh please, if you need help and attention that bad run after your little boyfriend!"

"What?" your voice rose a whole octave. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, Rayo or Ruya, whatever." he waved with his hand, pronouncing every letter of the name with almost disgust.

"Ryu? He is my partner for a physics project, for God's sake!" While shaking your head out of shock, you couldn't help but huff. Of all people, Satoru should know.

"Please." He chuckled with such a cold tone. You have never heard such a tone fron him. "Everyone knows you two are hooking up."

"What?" everything seemed to stop. Slowly you searched his gaze, but Satoru looked away.

"Who says that?"

You have never seen him acting that way. So detached. Why didn't he even look at you? Where was the Satoru who watched sad romance movies with you? Where was the honest Satoru?

Where was your best friend? Where was the Satoru you... Knew?

"Satoru, who is talking about me?"

He kept his head low, but you could still see a small glint of guilt in his eyes.

"Is it your friends?"

Something inside you was panicking at his lack of answer. At the lack of denial. What was also said about you? What did he gossip with them about?

"About what are they talking?"

You could see him gulp. But he still didn't say anything. Why wasn't he saying anything? If he let them talk about you, he at least had to tell you what it was about. Especially since he knew.

You had talked with him about your fear of high school and the way people gossiped and the rumors which ruined the reputation one had to uphold.

You had talked with him about trying to keep your head low.

"Satoru, what are they saying about me?" You couldn't help it, your voice rose.

And then he just started moving. Just walking slowly away. Didn't even look at you before. He could talk with these people about you but couldn't look into your face?

"Satoru if you just walk away now, I swear I will never talk to you again."

He stopped in his tracks.

"Satoru -"

"God, can you shut up?"

It was an ugly scream. But not as ugly as the expression he gave you as he finally looked at you. That was a look of disgust. And with an awfully calm voice he added;

"You are so noisy."

You blinked at him. One time. Two times.

That was not your best friend. That was a boy who was hiding whatever distain he had towards you for years. Years you thought he was the only person who understood you.

People change. People fall out.

"Forget it, Gojo."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Fall 2009

"You are avoiding Satoru."

It's like being pushed into cold water in warm clothes.

The stirring of the kettle is the only sound in the kitchen, helping to keep the awkwardness away. Shoko sat at the kitchen table with a glass of juice, her look remaining on your back, as you made yourself tea.

"I'm not."

Only after the kettle rang you allowed yourself to move again. Carefully, you took the kettle, pouring yourself the hot water into your cup with the teabag.

"You are." She took a sip.

You watched as the water changed its color to light brown.

"He is worried, you know?" you heard the shaking of her head. "Can't stop pestering me."

You couldn't help but scoff as you turned around to her, hot teacup in your hands. You placed it down gently and took a seat opposite of her. "Of course he is."

She was staring at you with that stare you knew. The stare which was contemplating what to do and what to say. You stirred your tea with a small spoon and placed the used teabag on a small tissue. The tea was still way too hot. But you still took a sip.

It burned.

"What did he do?"

You looked at her face. Her eyes were gentle and for the first time since a while she wasn't just Satoru's good friend, she was your roommate. Your friend.

You couldn't help but smile. Even if it didn't reach your eyes.

"What did he tell you?"

And that's when you saw it. Her eyes twitching, glancing at her phone on the side of the table. Just that small glance was enough. You knew. Knew, he had made her start talking to you. Knew, he wanted her to push you to answer. Knew, of course, he sent his friends to ask you, instead of just leaving you alone.

"Just that you are mad at him for no reason again. His words not mine."

Satoru Gojo was such an asshole.

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

"Sooooo... she didn't tell you anything?"

Satoru would be lying if he said he didn't wait the whole day to meet up with his friends. He had waited in the cafe for roughly an hour now, even though it wasn't the discussed time. But he just couldn't keep waiting. Waiting to get any possible news, any updates of what you could have said. Especially from Shoko.

But she just rolled her eyes at him.

"No Satoru, you should probably know what you did. If she is that mad at you, it's probably something big."

He shook his head, trying to think of anything he did that could've pissed you of. He glanced down at his hot chocolate - his third since he got here - and wondered why you just wouldn't tell him what he did.

After all, communication is key in a friendship, right?

Suguru shook his head at him. "Since when is she avoiding you?"

"Since 9 days." There was no need for math, Satoru had counted down the days since you wouldn't even glance at him, when he tried to talk to you. How you just walked past him in your own apartment, when he met up with Shoko and Geto. How you locked yourself in your room.

"I don't get why she is acting so childish now." he mumbled to himself.

No nod, no wave, no glance. It was crazy. It was dumb. It was just like five years ago when he was the one who shut you out of his life.

The loud sound of Suguru sipping his tea snapped him out of his thoughts. Suguru placed his teacup down on the table and tilted his head.

"Didn't you go out together nine days ago? That Friday?" 

There was a beat of silence in the room. Only the sound of the coffee machine in the background and the new customers ordering. Satoru blinked at his friends. One time. Two times.

"We did?"

Geto and Shoko shared a look. "Oh Satoru..."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

You couldn't help but groan when you woke up. Your body seemed so heavy as you stood up, like every morning. Well every one since that one.

You glanced around your room, feeling horrible as you saw the dirty dishes you used yesterday. But you just didn't want to eat anywhere else anymore. You didn't continue talking with Shoko yesterday, for all means you started to avoid her too.

You knew, to all your friends you seemed unreasonable. You didn't go out, didn't leave your room and of course ignored Satoru. You worked on your psychology major online, the professors also accepting your work. Overall you tried to avoid any contact with your friends.

Because you just had realized; all of them were also Satoru's friends.

And who of them would put you before him? Before the golden boy Satoru Gojo? The boy who you had held so dearly to your heart.

Too dearly.

Your phone went off, making you sit up. It was already 8 am. You had to go to work or else your boss would be mad.

With one push you got out of bed, making yourself ready. Your phone lit up again. The last days you had started to ignore it. But still you took it everywhere you went.

You tiptoed your way into the kitchen, hoping to avoid running into Shoko. And you sighed relieved, - lucky you - she seemed to still be asleep. No used glasses or dishes. Just you and your kettle.

A coffee machine was too expensive so tea had to hold up.

While the kettle was working, you made yourself a slice of bread, with butter and cheese. Tea and bread, the breakfast of the winners. You took your first sip out of your teacup, sighing at the hot feeling, which warmed you. It was starting to get really cold, you needed the warmth.

It was mornings like these, which made you like fall.

The walk to your workplace was beautiful, the trees all in different colors, painting a picture worth of drawing. But unfortunately you were no artist. You were just a college student working as a part time barista. So you had to hurry up, to please your manager.

The woman wasn't happy with you, since you took the last couple days off. You knew it was hard in this environment, since it sorely relied on the broke students nearby, which were as employees really unreliable. Or at least that was what she was always complaining about.

But you needed the break, or you would have come to work with tear streaks on your cheeks.

You opened the door to the small coffee shop, met by the annoyed look of your manager. She stood at the counter with her arms crossed, her face only lighting up by a small bit as she saw you.

"There you are! Hurry up, we open in 10 minutes. So change into uniform!" she went into the backrooms, her voice echoing in the room. "Hurry, I said!"

You couldn't help but sigh, as you retreated into the small changing room.

There was something so heavy, when you started dressing in the apron. An uncomfortable feeling, a feeling telling you you are sick and should head home. But you had to pay to have a home.

You made your way back to the counter, leaning on it, while hoping there wouldn't be as many customers as usual.

You turned around to look at the menu and you were surprised, there were a couple of new additions on it. Macchiato and Flat white, which you have never made before. You hoped it could just be made by the expensive coffee machine next to the menu.

There were also new teas added to the menu. Lemon and Mint were new kinds, but personally you wouldn't drink them.

A ring behind you startled you. Great. You glanced at the clock next to the big menu. 9:05. Insane people.

You kept your look on the coffee machine, searching for the buttons you will have to use, trying to calm yourself that it was only one person. Even if their steps to the counter were very determined, surely they were just a normal person, wanting a normal coffee? Not a big order, you had to triple take to get right, surely?

You turned around. "Good morning, how can I -"

You stopped as you saw the white hair.

There he stood, leaning forward on the counter, white hair standing a bit up and those ocean eyes staring up at you.

" - help you."

That's why you needed a break. Because he knew where you worked. And you knew he would show up, distracting you, making you furious with just his smug face.

"You haven't answered my texts."

While squinting your eyes, you said again with a firmer voice; "How can I help you?"

He frowned, taking his arms off the counter while standing up straight again. But as he studied your expression, he seemed to get what you wanted to get across. He sighed.

"A hot chocolate please."

You nodded, while pretending to type things into the Cash register to keep your eyes down. Avoiding his piercing look.

"Here or take out?"

"Here. I will sit over there." he pointed at the small table, which was probably the nearest to the counter, making your inner self groan, which was hoping he would just get his drink and leave. But no, this was Satoru and of course he had to pester you even here.

"Alright, take a seat, your drink will be there in a second."

You waited for him to go to his table, but he didn't. No, he just stood there before you, like he was waiting for something.

You went over to the machine and started working it, but he still just stared at you. Making no effort to sit down. Even the sound of the machine pouring milk into the cup didn't fill the awkward silence.

"Is there something else you need?"

You could hear him clearing his throat. "You weren't here the last days."

And you were? Well good, you took the last days off. You took the finished cup of hot sweet delicious browness and placed it on the counter in front of him, while still not looking at him. "No, I wasn't. Is that all?"

He continued to stare at you. You were watching his hands, which were slowly engulfing the hot cup, while he still looked at you. You waited for him to finally go to his seat. He didn't. "Why won't you tell me what I did?"

"Is that all?" you raised your voice, leaning a bit back and turning your head a bit so you could glance at the back rooms. "If so, please let me work in peace."

"It was that Friday night, right?" he was whispering. "What did I do? What did we do?"

You froze. There was something so surreal of him asking what he did wrong. Like that was a reasonable question. Like you were mad for a small forgettable reason, something one could just forget about.

Like someone one could just forget about.

"Is there an issue here?" the head of your manager popped out of the backrooms, staring at the two of you. Well, at least someone listened to what you were saying.

"Not at all." you looked up and smiled at Satoru. "The young man here was just about to sit down at his table."

"Right?"

His face hardened at your words. But with a lot of self control, he also formed a smile, while starting to move. "Yeah, was just having a lovely chat with the barista about the new menu."

Your boss nodded and went back into the back rooms while Satoru finally sat down at the table. Your rapid heart beat, which you hadn't even noticed slowed down by the larger distance between you and him than just the small counter.

But there was still the tension between you, since no one else was in the shop, just you, him and your annoyed boss.

And his gaze was locked onto you while he drank his hot chocolate. Why was it so hard to avoid his piercing eyes? They were like magnets you really wouldn't want to be hung up on because just one look and a panic inside you rose, making you want to lock yourself up in the bathroom. And even though he had his laptop set up before him, he didn't spare it a glance.

Why did Gojo Satoru have such a presence?

You glanced at the clock. 9:36.

Would he stay here for the next 6 hours of your work? No, that would only one insane person do. Right? You dropped your gaze on the cashier register. Why couldn't you just be left alone?

God you needed a break.

A ring of the door made you look up again and you saw a soaked Utahime coming through the door, cursing at her broken Umbrella. Huh, you didn't even notice it had started to rain outside. Even though now, the sound of the water falling against the windows seemed so loud.

"Of course it starts, when I try to get to work..." Utahime muttered while placing her umbrella near the entrance. But her face lit up when she saw you.

"Oh, thank god you are back, it was hell without you! I had to deal with -" But as she looked at you her gaze dropped to Satoru, who was now really interested in his laptop.

"Oh. You are also here Gojo." Her face changed into a frown, while she walked close to the counter. She looked at you with a grimace. "What a surprise."

Satoru just huffed, but kept his gaze on his laptop. "Always a pleasant one, Utahime."

"Utahime?" The voice of your boss was coming from the back rooms, now louder than before, in the tone which meant trouble. "Get here immediately!"

Utahime looked at you and rolled her eyes, making a couple of gestures to illude to throwing up. But her voice was still kept professional. "Coming!"

"Someone is in trouble..." Satoru was grinning to himself while he typed something into his program. Utahime just scoffed while she went to the back rooms door.

"Well, I am not the only one, am I Gojo?"

Oh god, he didn't like that, you could see it in his falling grin. And while Utahime disappeared into the back rooms, you hoped he wouldn't open his mouth. But of course your hopes were for nothing.

He stood up and went to the counter with his now empty cup. Placing it with a bit of force on the counter. "Okay, I get it you know. I fucked up."

"But you could at least give me a chance to talk it out."

Just one look at his oh so deep eyes, made you avert your eyes to his cup. His words making you feel alone, exposed and so so uncomfortable. "Do you want to order more?"

He groaned and his hands found their way into his hair. "Please, drop it and just talk to me! You are making such a big deal -"

"Are you even listening to yourself?" your voice was much quieter now, barely a whisper. "You are already belittling me even though you don't know what my problem is. You already assume it's something small and stupid."

You looked up at his dumbfounded face. He blinked at you. You couldn't help but shake your head in disbelief. "This whole time you are talking about making things right and that you need to talk to me, but not once have you thought about giving me space this last week!"

You pointed at the small room around the two of you. "I mean you are even now here, at my workplace!"

His voice was filled with uncertainty now. "Yeah, because you wouldn't talk to me or Shoko -"

"Which should be sign enough to leave me alone, Satoru. How would you say it?" A small scoff left your lips. "I think 'Stop, being so clingy?'"

A silence filled the room. The quiet talking of Utahime and your manager could be heard, but the words to unclear to understand. Satoru held his head low now, almost averting your gaze.

"But-" your voice was shaking and you wanted to hit yourself for it. "If you want so desperately to know what I am mad about, I guess I can freshen up your memory."

Still silent. You guessed you should keep going. "Last Friday, we went to that club, you wanted to show me, you remember?"

"The one where you ditched me for all these other people?"

You looked down at the cashier register and hoped hoped you could hide the vulnerability in your voice. The room was completely silent. The only sound the falling raindrops against the window.

Until he laughed.

The sound of the little chuckles made something inside of you turn, you felt like throwing up. You looked up at him to see a relieved face. A. relieved. One.

"What are you laughing about." it was hard to speak while your teeth were pressed together with more force you had ever used.

Satoru stopped but the little smile remained. Your hand was itching at that smile.

"Sorry, sorry." he cleared his throat. "But I mean we can spend more time together, if you want that? I mean you still mean much more to me than thes-"

"Satoru." you raised your hand signaling him to stop speaking. "Why do you think I was avoiding you?"

"I - I don't really get...?" he was stopping mid his sentence, now looking confused. "You know it's okay if you were jealous, I never meant to make you -"

"JEALOUS?" You gripped the counter so hard, your fingers were turning white. "You think my problem is jealousy?"

He shut his mouth, blinking so clueless like again. It was exhausting.

"No, Satoru, my problem is not that I was jealous you spend time with other people." you gritted out, while typing in his hot chocolate, to distract your hand before you were hitting him. "My problem is that you abandoned me. Alone in a club, I didn't know."

"You left me drunk and clueless alone at a club with no one I knew. Miles away from my apartment. Left me to ask strangers where my ride was, while they pitied me, because the great Gojo Satoru had already left."

You dared to look up into his eyes, hoping he could finally see your mental state. Finally getting why you were so petty. Making such a big deal.

"That's why I am mad."

His look turned wide and blank. You couldn't keep looking at it and broke the eye contact. He didn't move, just stood there before you. But you could see his hands gripping the cup, he was holding.

Just as you saw him open his mouth again, Utahime came back, now with her uniform on. She had a blank smile on her face and a sharp glare on Satoru. "Do you want to order? I can take yours."

He gaped a bit at that but his face quickly turned stoic. "No, thank you. I was just about to pay and leave."

You nodded took the cup he was just holding on. It was warm. "That will be $4.30."

With a bit of force he pressed a $5 dollar bill on the counter and turned to his seat. While grabbing his things, you could see his eyes focusing on the floor. And you knew there was no reason, but you felt bad. Something about this felt like it was your fault. Like you were overreacting. Even though it was just how you felt.

The door shut softly behind him. He disappeared just as fast as he had appeared.

"Thank you." You whispered to Utahime, and she smiled at you gently.

Truth be told, you wouldn't call her a close friend. You just knew her through Shoko, since she was your roommate and Utahime was a couple of times over. Thus you knew her still over Satoru.

But she did help you get this job and was always a pleasant coworker.

"No problem. You want to share it over a cup of coffee?" she winked at you while leaning on the counter.

"Are you working over there?" the voice of your boss echoed through the room. "Get to work!"

Utahime rolled her eyes. She spoke now in a careful whisper. "I guess after work?"

Well, it wouldn't hurt to have a person who wasn't so close with Satoru, would it?

"I would like that."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Spring 1995

"Come on sweetie, say hello to Satoru."

You held onto the leg of your mother as you stared at this strange boy. There was something ominous about his eyes and his white hair. You had never seen someone like him before. And he had that intimidating look...

"Hi."

Your mother placed a hand on top of your head, laughing a bit as you tightened your grip on her. "Good job. Now go play with him, while we make the cake ready, okay?"

You looked up to her and nodded. She smiled back and gave you a small nod, signaling you to let her leg go. With a heavy heart you let her go into the kitchen with the other woman, who she called Mrs. Gojo.

You looked back at the boy, who was still staring at you with those intimidating eyes. Why did your mother bring you with her again? She said something along the lines, it would be important to fit into the new neighborhood and greet them properly. But right now?

You just stood there awkwardly, trying to understand this strange boy.

He would probably never speak to you, you just hoped the time would pass as quickly as possible. You wanted to eat the cake Mrs. Gojo made as a welcoming gift...

He opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes now focused onto the ground before he started to speak;

"Do you like Digimon??"

He looked at you with big eyes, which suddenly didn't seem intimidating at all. He fidgeted with his hands, while tilting his head.

"I guess... But I don't know much about it."

His eyes lit up and he smiled so excitedly. "That's not a problem! I can show you!"

And just like that he took your hands, pulling you with him into his room. The room was big, much bigger than your own. There were a couple of posters, of what you guessed were some mons, you didn't know.

He let go off your hand to pull out a big box. And when he opened it, there were a couple of cards inside, which you had never seen before.

"What are these?"

"I will tell you, just sit down." he let himself fall down next to the box, now going through the cards. He took a couple of them out and looked at them each individually.

You carefully sat down, while watching him. His big blue eyes had an excited glint in them and his white hair was shining under the light.

Satoru Gojo was a strange neighbor...

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Fall 2009

"And he just left you alone at this club?" Utahime frowned, while placing her cup of coffee down. "And he forgot about it?"

You shrugged, glancing outside the window. It had stopped to rain in the afternoon. You were free now, since your and Utahime's shift had ended and you were glad Satoru didn't come back.

"I guess he did."

She shook her head and scoffed. "And now he comes to your doorstep-"

"Well actually, it is not mine but the coffee shops-"

"-asking why you are ignoring him? The nerve!"

A loud sip later she continued; "Gojo has to be humbled, my god!"

You couldn't help but smile at her antics. It was kinda sweet how she got so worked up over your business. You were glad she wasn't just on his side. You watched her sip again and sighed. "If it wasn't for that guy who drove me home, who would guess what could've happened?"

She huffed.

"If I'm being honest I would reflect upon the whole friendship. It just shows how self absorbed he is."

You sipped on your bitter coffee.

"Yeah, well he is still Satoru."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Summer 2003

"Wait for me outside later, okay?"

You smiled as you read the note Satoru had left on your windowsill. There was just such a feeling of excitement every time you read one of his notes, it made your heart race and your face hot.

That was normal right?

"Mum!" you ran into the living room, hoping to catch her before she went to get groceries. "Did you get me the kimono for the festival??"

She way already ready to leave as she sighed at your question. "Yes, sweetie I did. And I also told you that yesterday."

"Can you help me lat-"

"Yes, I will help you get it on, now shoo." she laughed and pointed towards the kitchen. "Young madam, you can worry about the firework after you did the dishes!"

You gasped as you remembered the mountain of dirty dishes you had to clean before the evening and started rushing towards the kitchen. "Already on it Mum!"

You heard her laugh as the door shut behind her leaving you alone. You let the water run into the sink, while organizing the dishes. You took a sponge and started cleaning the plates, which never seemed to end.

Oh, how excited you were for later! It was your first real festival here and Satoru had promised to show you around. And there would be fireworks, now; in summer! Your first own kimono, and your first time visiting a festival you would spend with a friend.

You placed the finished plates next to the sink, taking a towel to dry them. After you finished them, you sat down before the TV and watched what was on.

You didn't even notice how fast the time passed, til you heard the door click from the keys from your mother. You looked at the clock to see it was already 18:30 and shrieked.

"Mum, mum, can you help me now!! Pleaseee?" You jumped out of your seat on the couch and sprinted towards her, looking at her with the eyes you put on when you begged for something.

"Yeah, you can go into my room while I organize the groceries, okay? The kimono is in the closet." she took of her jacket while smiling at you exhausted.

"Okay!" and just like that you turned around and ran into the small room of your mother.

Her closet was always something magical, if it were the high heel or the jewelry you tried to put on while she was away. Your heart was beating fast as you opened it slowly. As you saw it you gasped.

The kimono dress was so pretty. Almost to pretty. You gently took it between your fingers, gasping at the soft fabric. You liked it. You really did. But...

Was it maybe to pretty for you? To fancy?

"Alright, sweetheart." your mother clapped one time as she stepped in, a soft smile on her face. "Let's make you ready, okay?"

"Yeah.." you took a look in the mirror on the cupboard of your mother and tried to imagine, just imagine, what Satoru would say if you were completely overdressed. You tried to shake it off, trying to get as excited as before, but you just couldn't. The excitement gave a bit of space away for the growing doubt and fear.

Maybe you should play sick...

"Alright, firstly try to put the under dress on and i will help you with putting the kimono dress over and so on." she chuckled and took the kimono out of your hands, eyeing it. She placed it onto her bed gently and went up to the door again. "I will go outside while you change. Just call me when you need help."

"Okay."

You sighed as she closed door, eying the under dress you had picked out. But even though you didn't feel comfortable anymore and the ball of doubt in your stomach was eating you up, you still took of the other clothes and slipped into the under dress.

You didn't like how it fit you anymore. Your stomach hurt. Why did it suddenly hurt?

"Everything alright, sweetie?" the voice of your mother was filled with a slight tone of concern.

"Yeah, you can come in." you glanced at the pretty kimono dress on the bed and feared how it would look on you.

"Okaaay-" she stepped back in and smiled as she saw you. "Perfect! Then let me put the kimono dress on."

She helped you into the kimono dress, watched as the ends of the dress fell onto the ground. Focused, she took the ends and checked something before she tightened it.

"What are you doing, mum?"

"Hace to check if it is above your ankles. It shouldn't touch the ground while tightened." she stood up and patted your dress a bit down. "It's supposed to be a bit big up here."

Her concentrated face was a sight to see, while she adjusted how the dress was sitting. She took a step back and gently placed the obi on the rope which was tightening the kimono. After it was sitting she took a step back again and whistled. "Such a pretty lady!"

The dress was comfortable, even if you felt a bit out of place in it.

"Soooo-" your mother turned you to the mirror, making you sit down on the bed. "Now your hair."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Fall 2009

You threw your bag onto the wardrobe as soon as you stepped into your apartment, groaning from exhaustion.

"Someone's grumpy." a playful laugh rang softly. Shoko poked her head out of the kitchen watching you take your jacket and shoes off.

"You could've warned me that he will visit my workplace, you know?" you grumbled while pushing softly past her to get into kitchen. She huffed with a small smile on her face.

"I would've, if you talked to me."

"God, I need a hot tea..." you shook your head while turning on the kettle. "It's raining cats and dogs outside. And of course it only started again, after I left the shop."

Shoko chuckled a bit, now making her way over to the fridge. "I wanted to make noodles today, do you want to eat with me?"

The kettle rang again, making a smile steal its way onto your face. "If you have enough for two?" You poured yourself a cup of tea, the water changing its color to light red.

Today you chose fruit tea.

"Yeah, don't worry." she opened the fridge and took her orange juice out of it. "Just missed eating and talking with you."

You took a sip out of your tea and sighed at the heavenly warmth flooding you shortly after.

"You're not going to talk about Satoru, are you?" you turned around to her, to see her sigh as she closed the fridge.

"Only if you want to." She took a glass and poured herself orange juice into it. "But I don't need to. I mean, if I'm being honest, it wasn't the nicest thing of me to pressure you to into talking about it."

She sipped a bit, smiling a reminiscing smile. "Was just worried about you and him, since he was constantly texting and venting to me about his worries."

"Oh."

You sat down at the table, cup of tea in your hand and just warmed yourself. Shoko sat down at the opposite side, tilting her head a bit. "Utahime texted me a couple minutes ago. Asked if you made it home safely."

You couldn't help but smile at that. "Greet her from me and you can reassure her that I made it."

Shoko nodded and started typing on her phone. A couple of seconds later she began to smile at her phone and looked up at you. "Hey, Utahime and I wanted to meet up here tomorrow to watch some movies. You wanna join?"

"Yeah, sure." you watched as she typed a new message and hit send.

"Great!" Shoko rested her head on her left hand, while she held her phone in the other. "Oh, and I can give you her number if you want to? She told me that you had a lovely conversation."

You laughed a bit before pulling your phone out. "I would love to have her number." And just after a couple of minutes you had Utahime's contact and a meet up tomorrow.

"Alright." Shoko put her phone away and stood up, making her way over to the stove. "Enough with that, the noodles don't make themselves!"

You watched as she cooked, a comfortable silence making it's way into the room. Something inside you had changed after you had spoken with Utahime. Something inside you was happy. Happy you weren't alone in your frustration and anger towards Satoru. That your feelings were valid.

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Summer 2003

You waited a long time.

You stood alone before the entrance of the festival, waiting for Satoru just like he had asked you to. People were going by, most of them older than you. Some of them stopped to ask you if you were okay, only leaving if you reassured them you were alright.

You felt anxious like never before. Satoru was late.

"Hey, are you okay?" a boy probably in your age stopped by, just like the people before him.

"Yeah, I'm just waiting." you smiled at him, trying to convince him, but he frowned.

"For what?"

"My friend." you muttered, trying to keep your calm. You didn't want to think about what your long wait could mean.

"But I have seen you standing here an hour ago, are you sure your friend is still coming? If they aren't and you keep waiting, you will miss the fun." the boy pouted.

You watched the next people going by, a couple walking by while holding hands. You heard some whispers about the fireworks and you couldn't help it, tears were starting to build up.

You knew it was dumb. But today you had wanted to say it. You had wanted to say it to him during the fireworks. You had wanted that, but he seemed to have forgotten you were waiting for him...

"I've to go, my parents are calling for me." the boy looked behind him, before he turned to you again. "Try to enjoy your stay here, okay?"

Then he just ran away.

Just like that you were standing there alone again. You felt so stupid for getting dressed up, to care so much about this. Why did you care so much?

And even though you didn't feel like it, you followed the boys advice and walked into the festival.

The stands looked fun and they had cool prices. You saw an older guy win a plushy for his friend, shoetly after placing a small kiss on his cheek. You looked away shortly, feeling like a creep for watching them.

And even though it all looked fun, it didn't feel like it when you were walking here alone.

"Hey, do you want a candy apple?" A woman called out behind a stand, smiling at you.

"Oh, no thank you, I don't have that much money." you apologized but she shook her head, waving fo you to get closer. So you did slip through the people in your way to the stand.

"Don't worry, it's on the house." she winked as she gave you one candy apple.

With a bit of hesitation you took it from her. But you weren't hungry, so you just kept it in your hand while continuing to walk.

And after a long walk you finally reached the watch place of the fireworks. It was under a hill, there were already many people, sitting and talking with each other. And after you saw that you couldn't keep the tears in.

You cried hot tears, because you felt so stupid.

While sitting down on a bench on top of the hill, you gripped your candy apple. The ugly sobbing just didn't stop, didn't matter how much you tried to stiffle it. Oh god, why couldn't you stop-

"Hey." His voice startled you. But even though it was loud because of the people you knew it was Satoru who spoke from behind you.

"Please don't cry." he walked up next to you, sitting down next to you onto the bench. But you couldn't look at him. Not when you still had tears in your eyes.

"You are late." your voice was hoarse, god it was so embarrassing.

He was silent for a couple of seconds. Then he spoke;

"I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to get you flowers but-" he stopped and turned to another direction. "The flower shop was closed and I didn't know. So I - Well, I -"

You blinked at him, the last tears flowing down. And then he turned to you and you saw them. Daisies. He hold onto just a few of them. They weren't fresh, most of them already hanging their heads.

But that somehow made them even prettier.

"I wanted to bring you Daisies." he muttered and looked down at them.

You couldn't help but softly laugh, the sobbing dying out. Your cheeks were drying, and your candy apple didn't seem like your last holding point anymore.

"Thank you, Satoru." you whispered with still a hoarse voice. "But why Daisies?"

That's when a loud bang made you look up into the sky. The first firework was raining upon the sky, the red lights illuminated the sky, painting a beautiful picture.

"They make me think of you."

You turned to Satoru and for the first time tonight looked him in the eyes. His beautiful eyes. The fireworks somehow made them even more gorgeous.

"I'm sorry I came late, I really am." he glanced at the candy apple in your hands. "You probably enjoyed the evening more without me."

Another bang made you look up again. The new firework was a yellow one, looking like it was raining gold from the sky.

"Do you want it?" you held the sweet apple in front of him. "I don't really want it."

He blinked at you, his face going from guilt to embarrassment. "You can't do that!" He muttered. "You can't just give me your candy apple."

A purple firework lit up the sky again. You tilted your head as you looked at him. "Why is that? You like sweets."

He wanted to say something, but only seconds after, he did take your candy apple. He handed you the Daisies, which were changing color through the lights. Just like his hair.

He hesitated, but bit into the candy apple, while holding it with one hand. It looked a bit clumsy but also endearing.

You felt tired but something inside you was so happy. Yeah, he was late. So what? He still cared about you. And that was what counted in the end.

You could feel him glance at you as you looked into the sky watching the different colors exploding and painting the dark night. And then you felt it.

His hand engulfing yours.

"You look pretty in that kimono."

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

Fall 2009

"Satoru, stop drowning yourself in the shower, I have to shower too!"

Satoru groaned at the voice of his roommate and friend. The cold water was so relaxing, like it was washing a bit of his uneasiness away.

Of the girl he made out with that Friday.

"Chill, I'm almost finished." he called out while going through his wet hair again, while the water rained down.

God, the weekend was awful. You just hadn't left his head, he couldn't believe that he did what you accused him of doing. He didn't remember that Friday precisely. He had probably drank too much. There was only one thing he surely remembered.

There was this guy who had flirted with you while you were working in the coffee shop that Friday. God, the way he looked at you made him want to-

The rest of that day was vague. He remembered that girl that was clinging to him. She wasn't really his type but he was drunk so he had let her kiss him. But he didn't know what else he did. But to just forget you? That didn't sound like himself.

"Satoru!" Suguru called out again.

"I'm coming!" Satoru turned of the shower with a huff. He took his things and dressed himself in sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Someone has to make sure you don't do something stupid." Suguru muttered as Satoru stepped out of the bathroom.

"Well, it's not you, you do equally stupid things." he grinned at his best friend and stepped to the side, to make space for him. "The shower is yours."

"Yeah, yeah, Satoru."

Suguru disappeared into the bathroom, lifting a heavy weight of Satoru's shoulders. He didn't want to keep worry his friend. Yeah, he felt shitty but he didn't have to make it everyone's problem. Oh well, he tried not to.

His room was dirty. He hadn't left it the last three days, only to shower and to get food and water. He had watched every comforting movie, but even those weren't helping, since he just remembered they were always comforting because he had watched them with you. Whose reactions can he watch when he is sitting alone in his room?

Normally Satoru would call himself as a rather put well together person. But when it came to you, he acted irrational, dumb, stupid, overall he was just not thinking. With you the emotions were always stronger, didn't matter if good or bad. And he knew that wasn't healthy.

But he didn't know how to change it.

He didn't want to have bad things between the two of you. He wanted to make it right, to make you look at him again. But he also didn't want to push your boundaries anymore. Even though it was itching in his fingers to get up and go to your work to apologize.

But that wouldn't work, he knew that. So he had to apologize differently.

Ring!

His phone buzzed and for a slight second he hoped it was you. But it wasn't. It was that privat unknown number that kept calling him, even though he ignored it.

And he knew he shouldn't, but his energy was low, so he just answered. "Hello? Who is there?"

There was a bit of rustling on the other side and a gasp could be heard. "Satoru, I gave you my number, didn't I?" It was a female voice he couldn't quite decipher. "Didn't you safe it?"

"I'm sorry, -" he felt a bit uneasy at the tone of the voice. "But who are you?"

There was a second gasp. "You wound me Satoru! After we had such a lovely evening..." Her voice went a bit lower. "Oh, wait... Did you forget me?"

Her giggling after that made him confused. "Anyway, I'm Haoka, silly!"

"Well, I don't know you, so please stop calling me." He was already on the button to end the call as she called out; "Wait! You really don't remember? We were together that Friday, in the 'Crying Angel', that club."

Oh god, he wanted to face-palm himself. Why did he give anyone there his number?

"We shared some glasses of wine and some of the fun stuff the bartender brought..."

Slowly some memories came back. Pictures of him sitting in that uncomfortable couch, but feeling so at peace...

"And then you pulled me onto your lap and kissed me-"

He remembered vaguely how he felt something big and warm against his chest as he had zoned out. He knew he had made out with some girl beforehand, but that he gave her his number...

"Haoka, was it? I'm sorry but I was literally drunk out of my mind, would you stop harassing me?" He heard her be quiet for once. "Thank you."

"Wai-" he stopped the call and sighed.

Well, he had to apologize to you somehow.

·········⋆༺𓆩❀𓆪༻⋆·········

A week later

"L/n!" you flinched as you heard your manager call out to you from the door of the coffee shop. You sighed to yourself while walking to your workplace. It was 8.30am foe God's sake. Couldn't you just walk to work in peace without being told to hurry?

"I'm coming!" you called out, and walked a bit faster. A couple of seconds later you were on the doorstep of the little shop.

"New flowers came for you." your manager shook her head while pointing to the counter. "That's nice and all, but if you can, tell the one who is sending them, that they should send them to your address and not to ours, okay? I'm not always here to get them for you."

There on the counter they were. Fresh, healthy daisies, waiting for you.

"Yeah, sorry." you muttered and disappeared into the changing room. Behind the closed door you wanted to sink into the floor. And you wanted to die from embarrassment, because there was also a bit of giddiness in side your stomach.

Dumb.

After you changed you walked behind the counter, the white flowers were shining up to you. And of course there was a small note attached, just like with the rest. The last days, there was written:

I'm sorry. I know I was an ass.

Is there something I can do? I don't want us to fall apart.

Can we talk?

They were always small notes and you wished you didn't, but you did keep them with you. The last nights you always read them again and wondered if you should call him. Taking your phone and staring at it for half an hour. But in the end you always chickened out.

The coffee shop door opened and Utahime came in, yawning. "Good morning."

"Good morning." you smiled at her as she came up to you. "Slept well?"

She scoffed while taking of her bag from her shoulder and placing it behind the counter next to you. "Don't even start."

She was already turning to go to the changing room, when she stopped in her tracks. Her look hanging on the new flowers in the small vase. She rolled her eyes and scoffed again. "He's still sending them?"

"Yeah." you kept your gaze on the white flowers.

"You know, I don't want to influence you too much. You know I was never a fan of Satoru." Utahime was whispering now, her voice gentle. "But don't let him pressure you with these gifts, okay? If you want to talk to him, do it, but don't forget what he did just because of some pretty flowers."

There was something big in your throat. You tried to swallow it, you really did, but it just didn't succeed. So you spoke with a hoarse voice; "Okay, I won't."

She smiled softly before she turned and went into the changing room.

You knew there was a new note. But you were so scared to look at it. Because even though he wasn't here, it was still a confrontation with Satoru. And you were scared of talking to him right now, because you knew how sentimental you can get when it came to Satoru.

You didn't want to keep thinking about him. Especially at work when you were alone with your thoughts and the coffee. But with these flowers beside you it was impossibile to think of anything or anyone else.

You wanted to know. Wanted to know how he responded to your lack of response.

Carefully, you separated the note from the flower it was attached to. The flower was the only one whose head was slightly hanging. The paper felt like fire in your hands. You heard Utahime's steps towards the counter and you knew she had seen what was in your hands. But she didn't act like she saw, she just turned to the door waiting for a costumer to come in. So you opened it.

You couldn't help it. You've got to know.

Are we still friends? - G. S.

Your eyes were starting to burn, your vision blurring before your eyes. You couldn't, you shouldn't but you did. You started to tear up.

"Hey, you okay?" You heard Utahime's soft whisper next to you. You wanted to answer, you really did, but your mouth didn't let you.

Utahime started to move again as she heard you sob one more time and went into the back rooms. You didn't hear it loud and clearly but you could decipher the words she spoke to your manager.

"L/n isn't feeling well. She-" The door shut completely behind her and you didn't hear more.

You tried to catch your breath, however it seemed impossible. Slowly you took a breath in, a breath out. In. Out.

It was 9 am. You were at work. Everything was okay.

"Hey." You didn't notice Utahime was next to you again, missing her steps towards you. "I spoke to her, you can go."

"What?" you looked up at her in surprise.

She sighed. "I hate to say it, but it won't get better if you don't talk it out with him. You don't have to do it today, but you are obviously not in the right state to sit here next to these flowers for hours, or are you?"

You slightly shook your head head. She smiled softly. "Then get going."

For a second you just blankly stared at her. But then it hit you. You could leave. Should leave. And today you would do it. You would talk to him and speak your whole mind. Yeah, you would tell him how you felt after the last confusing years, where he treated you like the sun one second and like shit the next. Not tomorrow. Today.

"Thank you." you hurried to the changing room, poking your head out before closing it. "Thank you!"

You heard her laugh, while you hastly changed. The apron was off in seconds, you had to stop and take a breath, before you opened the door again.

You hurried to take your bag and as you arrived back at the counter, your gaze fell onto the flowers on the counter. It was dumb. But you took them out of the vase and held them dearly to your heart.

"Get well soon." Utahime winked at you as you stood at the door. You gulped, but smiled back.

"I'll try.

-------> At home

The door was shut fastly behind you, you hurried to the kitchen to get the flowers a small cup as a vase. There was a small blue one, which was also not too small, so you took it. Filled it with water, as your eyes fell onto a note on the fridge.

Will be away for the whole day, medicine exam is eating me up - Shoko

Oh. Shoko was with her study group. Medicine was a hard major. But to be honest right now you didn't really think much about it. The only thing in your mind was the phone in your bag.

You placed the little cup-vase onto the kitchen table. The daisies were smiling at you, just like they were six years ago.

You wanted to smile back but it didn't feel like the time for that.

Your hand took your phone out of your bag. You watched as you fiddled with it. Wondering if maybe you should do it tomorrow, since you were pretty exhausted-

No. Today.

Your fingers were shaking as you typed his number. Hesitating before the dialing button. But in the end you did press it.

Your anxiety rose by thousands as you heard the dialing tone. And by the third time it rang you wanted to hang up, until -

"Hello?"

His voice was a bit hesitant and quiet. You were shaking, wondering why you called him, without thinking what words precisely to say, why did you just call him without any plan-

"Stop sending flowers to my workplace." your voice was slightly shaking, just like your hands. "My manager can't keep picking them up."

"Oh." it was very quiet on the other side. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you trouble with them."

A silence made it's way into the call. You heard him breath and you were sure he heard your anxious breathing too. God, this whole idea was a mess.

"Hey." he spoke again. "Do you want to talk about it? Are you ready to talk about it?"

...

"Yeah, I'm ready." your voice was a whisper.

The second silence followed, this one even a bit more tense.

"Can I come over, or is that to much?"

Your breath hitched, suddenly this seemed so real. You were stupid for it but you did miss him. You wanted to see him.

"It's okay." you muttered and heard a relieved sigh from him.

"Good, because I am almost there."

And just like that he hung up. Leaving you standing dumbfounded in your kitchen, the realization slowly settling. Wait, he meant immediately? You didn't think he would be already on his way, you still didn't know what to say!

God, you needed a tea.

Today was a green tea day. You worked your kettle, trying to keep your cool. But it was near impossible. How could you remain calm, when Satoru was coming over? Satoru, who was usual never wanting to have a serious talk?

Ring

You looked at your kettle, only to realize it had been the doorbell. Okay. It was time.

You opened the door of your apartment, to see a soaked Satoru standing before you, breathing heavy.

"Sorry for the rush, I didn't want to intimidate you." he muttered while his eyes were locked onto the ground. "I just had to see you in person."

"It's alright." Well, he still intimidated you, but in the end you wanted to see him in person too. At least you think you did, when you look at his wet, but still gorgeous hair. At his blue ocean like eyes. It was just Satoru.

You let him into your apartment, hurrying to your kettle, who was now ringing too. You heard him shut the door, as you poured yourself a cup of tea, watching as the water turned green.

His steps echoed through the apartment, until he stood there, in the doorframe of the kitchen. His eyes now locked onto you as you glanced at him. You took your tea cup and sat down at the table. Gesturing with your hand that he should sit down too. He did.

You saw him gulp, but he kept quiet. You took a long sip.

"So?"

His eyes widened a bit. Then he cleared his throat. "I wanted to apologize to you. Like, really apologize. I know I messed up."

You could see his hands fidgeting but he still kept his eyes on you.

"I don't remember what I was thinking. And I mean that literally, I drank so much that I didn't remember even going to this club." he shook his head. "Not that that excuses anything. My first mistake was drinking carelessly. And I'm so-"

"Why did you?" you stopped him. He tilted his head a bit as you looked at him. "You treated me horrible that evening. You left me alone at the entrance of that club, drank your brain away and then disappeared. Why did you leave me alone at the entrance, why did you drink so much?"

His body tensed up and you knew you struck a nerve.

"And you know that's not the first time." you muttered. "It's like three years ago, when you suddenly made that shift to treat me horrible and then dropped me as a friend."

Silence made itself into the room.

"And then you come back to apologize and want everything to go back as it were, but it doesn't." you whispered. "I can pretend that it does, but it doesn't. Because I just don't feel appreciated as a person. For you I'm always-" Your voice broke a bit.

"For you I'm always just the safe backup. Because I always forgive you and you know it."

"That's not true." Satoru tried to grab your hands on the table, but you pulled them away. Any form of contact right now would kill you.

"Then what is it, Satoru? It feels like you never told me."

His eyes faced the table, now looking like he was sick. His posture was stiff as he fidgeted more with his fingers.

"I'm an idiot, you know?" he was mumbling. "A coward and a selfish idiot."

"What are you talking about?" you gripped onto your warm teacup. He looked at your hands, a nervous chuckle escaping him.

"It's just -" he stopped. While looking at you he shook his head and abruptly stood up. Speaking with his hands on his face, his voice a bit muffled but still understandable. "I want you to know that everything I will say is not me trying to justify my behavior, okay? I just - I own you an honest explanation."

You looked at him, as he seemed to hide himself behind his hands. You were scared. Scared of what he will say. But you knew you also wanted and needed to know. "Alright, then tell me Satoru."

It's silent again, the only thing you heard was the sound of a neighbor's key falling outside of the Appartement. Satoru was messing with his hair, while he avoided to look at you. You could see the gear wheels in his head working, trying to make out what to say. He took a sharpy breath.

"Every time I notice that we are growing more together or become closer, it's just so, -" he shook his head. "It's so scary. Because I notice how I start to feel and act and I -, well I get cold feet and try to push you away. Because I know, that it's stupid for me to feel how I feel, and I don't want to lose our friendship and-"

"Wait, wait, wait." you raised your hand. "You're pushing me away because you don't want to lose our friendship?"

He groaned. "It's stupid I know and in the last years I have become better, but it's just-, god, every time I see someone flirting with you and you look so happy, my emotions become so big and I get angry with everything."

"Satoru what do you mean? Why would you - I don't understand." now it was your turn to hide your head behind your hands.

"That Friday, before we went to that club together. I have seen you with that guy, who bought you a drink at your workplace. And you laughed so much, I just felt so shitty because I realized-" his voice is shaking. "I realized that I still have feelings for you."

The world seemed to stop spinning. You raised your head in slow motion and looked at him. His blue eyes were locked on you, showing vulnerability. You couldn't help but just stare at him.

"And I got scared!" his voice got a bit louder as he started pacing down the kitchen. "Because I have been in the friend zone my entire life and I thought I could live with that. But everything was so much, I saw red and just wanted to hide. I wanted to snap out of that feeling so I left you standing at the entrance."

He stopped pacing, his back now turned to you. "It's the same every time. I want to keep our friendship, but push you so far away that we become strangers."

"You really are an idiot."

You didn't notice until you spoke, that you were crying. Ugly sobbing filled the room, you felt like suffocating. "Not once did you ask yourself how I felt. You just wanted to keep yourself safe, didn't you?"

You could see his back tensing. You shook your head. "You made me feel like I was the friend you only kept in touch with, because our parents know each other. You made me feel so dumb for wanting to spend time with you. That's not how you treat someone you have feelings for!

You could have just told me."

He scoffed, now turning around. "Would we be still be friends if I did? "

"No."

You looked at the green tea in your cup. "We would be more."

You could hear his breath hitch. And in seconds he was standing in front of the table again. You felt his gaze on you. "What do you mean?"

You laughed while tears were streaming down your cheeks. "Satoru it was so obvious for everyone else. Why do you think I have forgiven you every time, no matter what you did?

I have feelings for you."

The silence came back. And with a silent sigh he sat down before you again, hwad in his hands again. "Why did you never tell me?"

"Why did you never tell me? Because I was scared of ruining our friendship. And you always seemed to have zero feelings for me that we're not platonic." you sobbed again, making him flinch. You saw his hand twitch, but this time he didn't move it.

"Please, don't cry." he was whispering with such care in his voice you wanted to cry harder. "Not over my stupidity."

A small try of a laugh escaped you. "I'm always crying over your stupidity, Satoru." you shook your head. "But also mine. I could have confessed too, but I didn't because I was scared. I'm sorry."

He moved a bit closer, his chair now as near as possible. "Don't apologize -"

"But I am sorry. Because now I don't know how to feel and..." you stopped, trying to catch your breath. "I want to forgive you, but I'm just so scared and -"

That's when Satoru stood up again. You watched through your blurry vision how he made his way to you, going around the table. There he stood looking at you with something so big, something so mighty in his eyes.

Carefully his hands made it's way next to your face, drying your tears and caressing your face.

"I know that I will do everything to deserve your forgiveness. No pushing away, no riddles."

He wiped your hair out of the way and placed a soft kiss onto your forehead.

"But I don't think I want to be friends anymore."

Deleted scene:

"I thought I should stop sending them." Satoru had his signature grin on his face, while looking at the daisies on the table. "But you do like them!"

"I didn't say you should stop sending them, I said you should stop sending them to my workplace." you kept your gaze on the white flowers in front of you, even though you felt him staring at you. "And I didn't want you to think that you could buy my forgiveness."

"Oh, I never thought that! I just wanted to you to know that I thought of you." his close body raised a hand to take on of the daisies. "You remember that day at the festival?"

"Of course I do." you snorted. "I thought you were stupid for bringing daisies and claiming that they remind you of me, when they are white flowers."

He gasped dramatically. "Stupid? That was my heart laid out in front of you!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his playful 'hurt' face. "Then why do they remind you of me?"

"You were always new beginning."

Taglist:

@lady-of-blossoms @mistygrovesarchive @hauntedcatnerd3 @ginginha

@watermelonslut @genxnarumi @lun4rchive @dekusdante

@eclecticmentalitypersona @ackermendick @luciiferslover @hyunsuks-beanie

@ri-sa20 @mew4-ever18 @cgmajor @gojojjknanami

@haikyuusimpsblog @starlightglimmersworld @sadmonke

@sheep-infog @ssetsuka

[zerokrox-blog]

Sobbingggg jdlshciskxjjdhf

Final part of Eddie forgetting about Valentine's day!! Part 1 Part 2

Thank you to everyone who's had a kind word to say about this, I hope the ending does it justice!

Eddie doesn’t know how fast he drives, just that he gets to Steve’s place in record time. The big house is quiet, Steve’s car the only one on the driveway.

All the lights are off, and yeah, it’s kind of late, but Steve is almost always up later than this. But even his bedroom window is cast in shadow, and something about it makes Eddie’s heart twist in his chest. 

He slams the van door behind himself and runs up the walkway, almost colliding with the front door when he reaches it. He beats on it, knocking hard enough that he knows the sound will echo through the empty house and up those grand stairs and right into Steve’s room, and he prays to anything that’s listening that Steve will come down and meet him.

“Steve!” he yells, like it isn’t late as fuck and Steve doesn’t have neighbors. “Stevie, baby, come on!” 

He feels frantic, like he’s going to die if Steve doesn’t get this door open in the next ten seconds. 

“STEVE,” he shouts again, slamming his fist into the door, right before it’s ripped open in front of him and he almost goes ass over teakettle through the doorway.

“Eddie, what the fuck?” Steve asks, frantic as he catches Eddie with a hand around his bicep, pulling him into the house and closing the door behind them. He flicks the locks one-handed because the other is holding the nail bat in the kind of absent grip that tells Eddie he wasn’t sure he’d really need it, but he was going to be prepared just in case. “What’s going on?”

“Why do you have the bat?” Eddie asks, like that’s what he should be focusing on, and Steve gives him a bewildered look.

“You’re knocking my door down in the middle of the night, why wouldn’t I have the bat?” And yeah, okay, fair, but Steve sets the thing down next to the front door and Eddie closes the distance between them. “I need to get you a key, that way next time you show up outta nowhere you don’t wake the whole neighborhood - uh–” Eddie takes Steve’s upper arms in a tight grip, interrupting him. “Eds?” Steve asks, looking at him, and shit, Steve looks too fucking cute when he’s confused. His thick brows are furrowed, lips turned down, big eyes all wide - and that’s when Eddie notices how red they look.

Bloodshot, a little swollen, like Steve’s been rubbing at them in that harsh way he does. He hates crying, feels humiliated when it happens, and Eddie’s been a witness more than once to the way he’ll bury his fingers in his eyes like they’ve personally offended him.

He’s pale, a little shaky, now that Eddie’s really looking, lips bitten red and sore.

He doesn't need to ask what's wrong. He's uncomfortably, acutely aware of what's wrong. Instead, he reaches up, laying his hand along Steve's jaw to smooth his thumb over his cheek. 

"Sweetheart," he says, and Steve glances away, gaze avoiding Eddie's. "I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Steve’s trying to keep his voice light, trying to keep it casual, but he reaches up and wraps his hand around Eddie's wrist, thumb pressing at his pulse point like it's his own lifeline. "Honey, I know what I did now. We don't have to act like I didn't royally fuck up Valentine's day." Steve winces. "Oh god," he mumbles, rubbing a hand over his face roughly. He paces a few steps away, looking absolutely mortified. "I was really hoping we could skip this." Eddie follows him with his eyes, lost.

“Skip what?” This isn’t what he expected at all. He thought he’d get here and Steve would be angry, would be yelling. He thought he’d get chewed out, possibly broken up with, was catastrophizing the whole way here.

“The part where you realize and we, like, talk it out.” Steve gestures between the two of them. “We don’t need to do this. It’s not a big deal.” He says it like he’s repeating something he’s said before, and Eddie’s heart sinks, wondering how often Steve has told himself that very sentence tonight.

“It is a big deal,” Eddie says cautiously. Steve opens his mouth to protest, but Eddie cuts him off. “You’ve been miserable for days, Steve, that’s a big deal.” Steve actually rolls his eyes, and Eddie barely bites his tongue.

“We can just move past this, though,” Steve insists, and Eddie approaches him slowly, like a spooked animal. Steve’s shoulders jump to his ears, but he doesn’t bolt away, and Eddie takes that as a win.

“What if I don’t want to move past it?” he asks, and Steve flushes an embarrassed pink, eyes darting around like he’s looking for an escape route. 

He sniffles, raises his hand to pinch his nose, and mumbles, “Please,” halting and quiet, “let’s just let it go.”

“But why?”  Eddie asks, and Steve makes an angry little sound.

“Cause it doesn’t matter!” he snaps. Eddie reaches out then, snagging Steve’s hand and pulling him in close. 

Steve fights him for two seconds before suddenly slumping against him, and Eddie sighs in relief, wrapping his arms around his baby and holding him tight. Steve gives a shuddery little breath, and Eddie lets him hide his face in his shoulder, turning his head to kiss his temple.

“It does matter,” he says fiercely. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry I hurt you.” Steve makes a quiet, protesting sound, and Eddie shushes him. “Let me apologize to you, you absolute brat,” he says, and Steve snorts a little laugh. “I’m gonna make it up to you,” Eddie promises. “I mean it. And I’m never going to forget about it again, I fucking swear, okay? I’m gonna get February 14th tattooed on my fucking face, I swear to God.” Steve finally laughs, a breathless, squeaky little thing, and Eddie smiles, pulling back. 

“Please don’t tattoo your face,” Steve mumbles, looking at Eddie with a crooked little grin. The expression reaches his eyes for the first time in days, and something in Eddie unwinds at the sight. 

“What, you don’t want me to ruin the moneymaker, huh?” he asks, and Steve laughs again, rolling his eyes. There’s some levity in the air, and finally, the frantic pace of Eddie’s heart slows. "Sweetheart," he says softly, because this is important, because this is on him and no one else but he can't not ask,  gentle and imploring and cupping Steve's flushed cheek to trace the shine of pink on his skin, "why didn't you say anything?" Steve's eyes flick away from his.

"It's stupid," he says, and Eddie frowns.

"What is?" And just like that Steve’s back to being annoyed, shifting in Eddie’s hold. He loosens his arms, watching as Steve starts pacing again. He walks closer, steadily closing the distance as Steve rambles.

"Being this upset! It's just - it's just a stupid day, right, like, we don't need a particular day to show that we love each other, it's commercialized and overdone and dramatic and it's stupid to be upset that you forgot one little day when objectively you're, like, fantastic. So I didn't want to say anything because it's dumb to be so worked up and make a big deal out of it and I need to just get over it--"

Eddie kisses him quiet. Maybe it's rude, but he knows when Steve gets going like this, works himself up, he'll talk in circles for ages. It's a mostly-endearing quality he's picked up from Robin, but Eddie knows sometimes Steve needs him to catch him before he spirals too far.

"No," he murmurs softly in the space between them when they part, lips still brushing one another's. "You do not need to just get over it." Because Eddie gets it, now.

Yeah, it's about the holiday. Steve is upset and hurt and Eddie feels like a total fucking asshole, and he's going to grovel for the rest of his life if that's what it takes. But this isn't just about Valentine's day.

"I'm being ridiculous," Steve insists. Eddie shakes his head, and Steve makes a frustrated sound. "I am. It is. It's stupid. I'm - I'm stupid–”

"Hey," Eddie says, and it's a little sharper than he means, but it works because Steve goes quiet, and the look he gives Eddie about breaks his heart all over again.

It's not about Valentine's day.

Steve is so, so used to not being taken seriously. To being dismissed. To being told to just get over it when he's upset, to being minimized, to the things that matter to him being framed as dumb or unimportant.

As stupid.

He's the strong one. The tank, made to take the hits and keep moving. He shouldn't have wants or desires. He's the caretaker, makes sure everyone is looked after, ensures they have anything they could ever want, goes out of his way to get it for them.

And he's shit at doing the same for himself.

"It's just a stupid day," Steve insists, but his eyes are wet and his voice is catching and he sniffles.

"Oh, honey," Eddie whispers, and Steve cracks, tears spilling over the edges of his red eyes and running down his pretty face. “Oh, sweetheart, come here. I’ve got you.”

They end up on the couch, Eddie holding Steve tight and whispering his apologies into his hair as his baby clings to him. 

“It’s not stupid,” he tells him softly. “You aren’t stupid. You’re allowed to want things, Stevie. You’re allowed to expect these things. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry I didn’t give you what you deserve.” He repeats his promises and doesn’t let the guilt eat him alive because he might not have been there when Steve wanted him, but he’s here now, and that has to count for something, he knows it does.

He’s here holding this beautiful boy as he cries and he dries his face with the soft sleeves of his sweater, whispering to him that he loves him, that he’s here, that he’ll make it better.

And Steve believes him, thank fucking God. Steve trusts in him, is looking at him with soft, hooded eyes, is pressing his mouth to Eddie’s and nipping at his lips and clinging to him. He’s letting Eddie strip him bare, letting him press him into the couch, letting him make love to him until he’s crying for an entirely different reason, clutching at Eddie’s back and gasping his pleasure into his throat. 

And that weekend Eddie brings his baby flowers, a stuffed bear, a necklace with a delicate silver chain and a small E hanging from it to join with the guitar pick that Steve has long ago claimed. He plays him the song he’d written for him, gives him the cherry chocolates, tells him over and over how much he loves him, and shows him in every way he can think of.

And through it all Steve keeps that sweet smile, and Eddie just knows he’s going to be spending the rest of his life keeping that look on his baby’s face.

Tag list! I'm very sorry if I've missed anyone!  @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zerokrox-blog @m-owo-n @honhonbaguettegofuckyourself @bejeweledbaby @ninjapirateunicorns @snapshotmaestro @ineffablecolors @uwujinniee @munsonsduchess @avacrebs @estrellami-1 @huskysarelife @afewproblems @messrs-weasley @bitchysunflower @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @nvybloo @unclewaynemunson @valecitainwonderland @megaweird-2-point-0 @resident-gay-bitch @disasterlia @iwouldsail @tinynebula @ilsewrites @umjamlam @booksandsience @xtkxkrzrizir @trikigirl271 @mistlafey @bornonthesavage @baron-zemo-trash @beckkthewreck @a-random-nerd @bela-valdis @sallybane @dreammetheworld08 @goodolefashionedloverboi @em9515 @newtstabber @callmesirkay @ohwelsh

[justporo]

So you'll see tomorrow

A/N: Seeing a beautiful piece of artwork by @velnna and listening to Half life by Livingston I got a very angsty idea for a drabble (so be warned, it's sad). This idea came to me first a while back listening to Just a Man (you know from *that* BG3 edit). @velnna as always thanks for letting me play with your son - and sorry I hurt him... Also thank you to Dad on Maf's discord server for the inspo for the final line.

Warnings: implied character death (but this is just an alternate timeline ok??), self sacrifice

~~~

So this was it.

This is how they would all die.

There was no way they would defeat the Netherbrain. All their endeavours that led them here, all for naught. Unless…

Staeve saw it in his eyes first. How their expression changed from swimming and hopeless to hardened and determined. Astarion’s brows drew together - the crease they created between them as sharp as his daggers he lifted up once more.

“Staeve.”

He had never heard his voice like this. The tone as sharp as a knife and hard as rock.

It scared him.

“I’m going to create an opening for you. Be ready.”

Fear dug its claws into Staeve’s throat, choking him, as he began to realise what was about to happen.

“No,” the half-drow whispered, weakly grabbing for his lover’s wrists with all of his remaining strength.

“Astarion, no! You can’t do this!”

Panic gave Staeve new power. Helped him to forcefully turn Astarion around to him. Helped him make his love stare into his eyes as he screamed at him again. And again.

He shook him, even making the daggers drop from his pale, blood-speckled fingers.

Staeve kept screaming, feeling his voice become hoarse, hot streams of tears washing away the grime and gore as they made their way down his face.

But as he kept throwing everything at Astarion he noticed ruby eyes remaining hard and unfaltering. The decision had been made.

The last of his strength went with his last drop of hope as Staeve’s hands fell weakly from Astarion’s. His legs gave up, knees hit the ground hard.

And only then did Astarion shift, taking a final step back before making the run-up.

He dropped down in front of Staeve who could only stare up at him anymore.

“Let me do this one thing right, Staeve,” he whispered solemnly, cupping his love’s face. “Just this once let me make things right.”

Staeve’s vision was blurred, his head swimming. But he still clearly saw the warmth in Astarion’s eyes as he leaned his forehead to Staeve’s.

Astarion’s hand wandered to the nape of his neck as he pressed his eyes closed. “Promise me, you’ll live for me, Staeve. To the fullest.” When the vampire opened his eyes again, Staeve was sure there were tears in Astarion’s eyes as well.

There was nothing in Staeve to do or say. He wasn’t in control of anything anymore it felt like. Not even his own body as he solely kept listening to Astarion’s final words.

“And promise me,” the vampire continued, voice breaking, “sometimes - when you sit in the sun - you’ll think of me, Staeve. Promise me.”

Astarion only waited only long enough for Staeve to weakly nod, seemingly the only thing he was still capable of.

Then he crushed his mouth to his lover’s, the motion so forceful their teeth crashed together.

Desperation had them kiss so hard it hurt, that it felt like perishing already. Astarion’s hand on Staeve’s neck pressed down so hard it felt like bones might crush. A single last breath was passed between them as their lips moved against each other as they tried to make this the most vivid moment they had ever experienced.

One so he could never possibly forget this final kiss - how it had felt.

The other so he would go to his end, with the taste of his lover on his lips.

When a small eternity ended and Astarion broke away he grabbed Staeve’s face a final time.

“I know in another life, I would have loved you forever,” Astarion uttered with a smile.

Then he let go, Staeve almost toppling over, suddenly void of anything still lifting him up.

Astarion grabbed his daggers, turned around with a last glance and a smirk - and then he leapt.